Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Procrastinators, I guess. Woo! Woo! Woo! Thank you! Thank you for cheering for me because I am the best guy ever and I deserve your applause and love. Joining us today, we have the DeVoo. Mmm, these cookies! I gotta get the recipe from Liz. We have Tom Oliver. I'm hungry for a good episode. Damn. Me? Aren't we all? You're starving. You're starving, friend. I've been waiting since, I've been waiting 109 episodes and we still haven't gotten one yet. But I believe, but I believe we can deliver. Hippocrite is here. That's what it sounds like when I'm hooking up some stuff. Nice. Ben St. is here. Oh no! My blood sugar! Get it!  Get it out of me! Get the sugar out of my blood! Get no blood sugar, please. And we've got munchies.   Dude, I have one too. I'm gonna eat it. Mmm. Mmm. Oh, that's good. I just cooked up a monster, absolutely zero energy in a chemical bath. I'm currently drinking a coffee. Mmm. Mmm. It tastes like a fresh diaper. I've got a juice monster energy drink, pipeline punch right now.  My quality is... Let's all hope that happens. While we introduce our final special guest, longtime LGBTQ ally of the PCP, his name, icon class, aka, double shot, Icon Colts, I remember because I did fan art and never showed anyone. Oh, wow. Not even Victor? Oh, well that's the man, and that's the man, Victor, Victor Collins, here he is everybody. Oh man, I just ate a big hot dog from 7-Eleven and washed it down with Mountain Dew and now I feel like I'm gonna vomit. You're into 7-Eleven food. You unironically eat 7-Eleven food and that's a thing in your life. Yeah, I mean that's true. Victor. Almost every day. Victor, your last name... And it's horrible. Your last name was Collins? I think your last name was Bro. Hey.  Oh, those are good. I like those. Oh, no. Buffalo chicken roller log, dude. Yeah, I like those. It's a very funny name. It's a very funny name. I do too. I've had those for a little while and then... I mean, yeah. They all make me sick.  It's cooking. You're just like your father. That's what happened. We're talking about cooking, we're talking about po-boy and rich boy eats alike. They all have a place in our lexicon of food.  Here we go. Hang on. It's silly of me. I searched cocking by mistake, which is texting while urinating.  Okay, cooking. Here we go. Cooking is a dance trend invented by Lil B in that it's only waist up designed to be done in front of a webcam. Oh, no. Wait, incorrect, incorrect. I don't know anything about this topic. I'm out. Cooking. Okay, cooking. This is a good one. Cooking, what you better be doing right now, woman. Yeah.    Damn. Oh, that one was funny. Okay, cooking. In reference to wannabe comedian Dane Cook, no. It's when you put the food in the pan and it sizzles. That's what cooking is. It's when you eat food. You know. What if you're not using a pan, though? I mean, that's true. Then that's cold. It's not real cooking, obviously. I suspect we are going to spend easily 45 minutes talking about what is or is not. Yeah, let's not. Let's not. Let's not. Is making a sandwich cooking. Please. No, cooking literally is the act of heating something like raw ingredients to make it meal. Okay, but so temperature being involved, but here's a question, and I said this to Vic beforehand. If I make ice cream, if I make ice cream when I'm using temperature to create it in the negative, the opposite direction is that cooking? No. Why? A cooker is a heating. No, no, no. No, no, no. It's possible that for one podcast, we can like not open it with like a no, no, no. Let's open the scanner worms. No, no, no. Here's why it opened. Famously, I am responsible in Ben's legendary sandwich debates. I am legendary quoted as saying that the American flag is a sandwich, which I stand by. Why? Because of the lines? Okay, no, no, because there are layers on the American flag, which are the 13 stripes. By that definition. Okay, on the bottom there's a red stripe on the top of the red stripe, and the middle there are white stripes. Here's Munchie. Munchie. Famously, onions are known to have layers. Does that make an onion a sandwich as well? No, no, because there's not, okay, there's not similar layers on the top or the bottom. No, no, no. If we're talking about this. My final word on the sandwich debate is that artist intent. Artist intent matters when it comes to a sandwich debate. Death of the author. Death of the author. No! A sandwich has to be deliberately assembled for the purpose of being eaten. Death of the author doesn't apply to me. That is why American flags are certainly ones. If the author died, you'd go hungry. Betsy Ross, Betsy Ross, just put those stripes in there. Famous sandwich. And make your lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. James Ross was like, hey, hey, babe, can you get me a beer? I'm gonna watch the game. And she came back out with the American flag. And she was like, wow, this is really good. You need to watch the game before games are even invented. That's game one. So the American Revolution. Let's not have Nate make this a one-hour debate about the definition of P2. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. I was always going to say that. I want to say, okay, here's what I think. I think that cooking, okay, I think that making ice cream is cooking. I think that cooking is the act of creating food, but there has to be chemical processes need to be involved. What if I make a salad? What about making sushi, you know? Yeah, sushi. Sushi is pretty interweaving and pretty elaborate. What's Gibbs saying? I've got to go in here. It might just be a British thing, an English thing, but the other word for an oven is a cooker, which is where the word cooking comes from. That's not where the word cooking comes from.  No, no, no, no.  Well, sushi has rice and the rice has to be cooked. I have the best definition of cooking. Cooking is preparing food to an extent that if you don't like it, you'll procrastinate on it or try to get someone else to do it. That's not bad. So sushi requires cooked rice. What about a salad? Making like a complicated salad with lots of stuff. This was a funny joke to pretend that we're doing it and be like, no, guys, we're actually going on. I'm interested in this. The sandwich debate is legendary.  A salad becomes cooking if you cook grilled chicken and put that in the salad. Well, of course, of course. Then it's cooking, but otherwise it's not cooking. I feel like I could work really long and hard on a complicated decadent salad that doesn't involve any heat being used. I feel like heat is the main... It is. Chemical change. Chemical change has to be brought about.  That's generally true. Hey, I see Gib posted the definition of cook. I assume it's from actualdictionary.com. Actualdictionary.com. And it says the definition is just prepare by mixing, combining, and heating the ingredients. And heating. And more heating. But you can heat negatively by making ice cream. That doesn't count. Such a weird utilitarianism way of defining. It totally counts. Is a negative number a number? Maybe ice cream's not good. Maybe ice cream's not good. Maybe heat is required.  By the way, I have Nate's other thing he's going to say. I'll just undercut him here. Hey guys, wouldn't it be much better in Star Trek where you just push a button and food gets made for you? Then you wouldn't have to spend any time cooking it on.  Food is full. There's literally no point to talk about this. Because just food is fuel and just get energy bars. Yeah, exactly. Just get soiler. Well, sort of. Just get soiler. Be the soy boy you want to see in the world. That's my motto. But anyway, all right.  We're never going to be past it. We're just going to be dead fish on air. Yeah. Speaking of dead fish. I think if you say cook in a context and it sounds retarded, then that's not cooking. You don't say, I'm going to go cook a salad or I'm going to go cook ice cream. Thank God. That's not cooking. The voice of reason. Cooking's like pornography. We can't define it, but we know it when we see it. The proof applies to everything. I prefer to term maestro in the kitchen. I like to be referred to as maestro when I'm cooking my top ramen. Wait, that reminds me. That reminds me. Let's bust open this legendary debate that I was first introduced to in an episode of Full Metal Alchemist when Winery and that stupid book girl were arguing, is cooking a science or an art? It is an art. It's an art.  No, it's an alchemy.  It's a cold, calculated, meticulous, sociopathic science.    You need to know how to mix the colors correctly. I mean, that's true. No, I remember extra credits. They're old episodes. They would say that video gaming is, game design is an alchemy because it's a mixture between science and art. Alchemy is not a real word.  They just love potions. They just love that alchemy. I just want to get my face from the extra credits out there. Science means context. Like, there is things to do in it. Like, you can change it and make it different. You know, Leonardo da Vinci known alchemist because he did both science and art. Wow. Exactly. Yeah, all right. All right.  No. It's really like, it's kind of like artistic intent. Right.  As you do day and dance.  I think both art and science is more of a mindset in its creation rather than the end result but you can usually see. Yeah. So for example, if it's like, hmm, what do I like on my spaghetti the most? And so like, today I try, you know, tomato sauce. Next day I try Alfredo. Next day I try putting hamburger in. Next day I try putting chicken in. And I take notes about exactly how much I liked each thing and then I collect the data and make my best decisions from there. That's science. Well, that's, I mean, no. All right. I want to severely destroy this conversation. If the end result is, if the only data you're collecting is how much do I like it? Like that's not science.  Guys, what is your favorite food that you can cook? Fried chicken. Sausage and eggs. Bird's nest, which is an, which is a bread that you pull the center out of and you cook an egg inside the bread and then you eat it that way. Cheese, you scrambled eggs. Oh, I would say a couple of the most delicious things I can make would be like a big old slab of chicken with like, on a bagel with like cheese or something like that with maybe an egg or something. That's good. I also want to change my answer though. Ice cream. You can make ice cream? Hot damn. I have, I have. That's cool.  I'm making it. That's not funny. I'm laughing. I'm not even reacting to it. I don't get it. Tom, what's your favorite food? My favorite food that I can cook are favorite food in general. That you can cook. This is not the food podcast. This is the cooking podcast. So all food and flash. The question left it ambiguous. Cooking, good. I like making omelettes. I make a meat omelette. I enjoy the alchemy of combining ingredients with the egg to make good omelettes. Omelettes. I'm an alchemist. I'm a maestro. What an alchemist. They call me the omelette alchemist. An omelette is just an egg sandwich. It's not really cooking. It doesn't count. Dude, in full mental alchemist, Tom was known. Oh, it literally is. It is. It is. It is. Anything is a sandwich because it's sandwiched when you eat it between the top and the bottom halves of your mouth. No. No. When you bite down, it becomes a sandwich when you open your mouth. Okay, no. We're not going to sandwich me. We're not going to sandwich me. Okay. I want to know. Okay, here's my question. I want to go around and I want to hear from everybody because, again, this is not the food podcast. Food doesn't matter. This is the cooking PCP. I want to hear about everyone's day-to-day relationship with cooking. How much do you do? How much do you fear it? And are you good at it? Like, what do you eat? I want to know. I want to know everybody's thing. I don't like cooking just because I'm not good at it and I'm not interested. And I preferably, I would like to ascend to a higher plane where food no longer matters to me and it is just fuel.  No, no. I enjoy the results of good cooking, but I am not invested enough in the skill to cultivate it in myself. I like when other people cook delectable meals for me that I can enjoy, but I do not want to invest my time into doing it myself because there are other things I would prefer doing with that time. I don't even appreciate. I mean, it's not, okay, okay. If someone makes a great dish, like, I'll appreciate that it's good and I'll enjoy it for what it is.  But the sad fact, like the sad fact that I have come to realize is that I'd be almost as happy just eating like a boiled egg. Like I would be almost as happy. You're in nightmare.   I will say, if you had, like, if you were all about food, like there was no fucking, like anime or cartoons or homesick within you. I was all food and you became the protege for Ramsay. You probably would be qualified for him to pass the torch to. It would be just like the next JoJo where there's like slightly different attributes but it's ultimately the same screamy, shoddy man. Anime and Homestuck has ruined your dreams. I know, right? That's what you're saying. It's sapped away. I, I, if left to my own devices I will like, I will make bagels.  Occasionally I will like, do a fry up of bacon and eggs and stuff. But I will really go to the lengths that, you know, my dad would go to, to have like a Sunday roast or anything. Mostly because I'm never, never cooking for more than one person. Right. It's just me. And just me, I can get, I can get by with like, I can just buy a loaf of bread and eat that, you know. But I, what I do love, because like cooking itself is like, I only cook when I'm hungry and by that point I'm too, I'm too agitated to like, wait. Yeah, dude, definitely. But what I love doing, instead of cooking, is baking. I love baking desserts, cakes, anything like that.   I love it so much. It's something I would do even if I didn't want to eat it afterwards. I love waking and baking. If you know what I mean. No, I don't know what you mean, but I don't want you to explain. Baking is too complicated and there is too much science in it. No, but like... It's basically impossible.  It's alchemic balance.  The alchemic balance between science and art of baking is way off the main. You're just not a maestro. You're just not an alchemist. Yeah, but like, here's the thing with baking. And with cooking, usually it's like heating stuff up and you have to time things to be cooked at the right time and then put them all on the plate and make sure you eat it before it gets cold and you can't let things get cold because then they're gross. With baking, time is basically completely gone. You can do it at any time.  It's got a pause button, basically. And it's like there's no time investment at all. There's no time pressure. It's just like really relaxing. Like even baking a loaf of bread. That's true. I guess it's true. That's true. Honestly, I like baking. I don't know. I don't really have much to say on the subject of specifically baking but what I did want to say was just I don't cook a lot. I cook rarely, which is bad because I should cook more to get the more specific nutrient requirements I need instead of, you know, kind of slapping together from stuff that's around. So I want to improve that. But I do generally love the feeling of once I have committed and I have cooked something great and I have shared it with people and I see them excuse me, enjoying it and appreciating it. That's kind of what I wanted to say.  Oh, Nate. Oh, I'm with you on this podcast. I'm finally an episode where I'm with Nate. The Rare Munchie Nate Alliance in a PCP episode. It's been forged today. So rare but so powerful. What is it you guys are bringing on a certain type of cooking? Cooking for other people is one of the most enjoyable things in this life. I've met some chefs actually where it seems like people who become chefs are becoming chefs because they enjoy cooking for other people. And it's usually like they had a grandma that taught them how to cook and that grandma would cook for the whole family and then they got inspired by that and they wanted to cook because they want to give other people food and not for themselves. Which is pretty interesting. That's what would drive someone to want to do that. That's kind of the way I feel about baking. I would bake a bunch of brownies and I would like really enjoy giving it to the rest of the family. What do you think about these chocolate things? Do you like them? I'm listening hippo. Don't worry. I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm sorry. I'm too high. I'm too high to listen to you. Was there a joke? I'm sorry. I didn't talk about the food episode. My favorite way to bond with friends or just like go out and experience the world is through restaurants. My favorite thing to do is just to get together by offline friends and go to a restaurant and just eat together. Something about the feeling of eating with your relatives or people you're in relationship with. It's better than talking alone. It just feels super base and primitive and it feels like you're a real human. That's true. I was going to say I share Tom's rage at the fact that I'm trapped in this weak, fleshy prison of a body and that I have to eat regularly to fuel it and stuff. Oh, it's so annoying. But considering that that's the reality that I'm in, just using food as a tool to make people like you, it doesn't have to be maniacal or anything, but just like eating a meal is what everybody has to be together. You can't escape it. So it's a great time to talk to people and get to know people better and bond, just over sharing a meal with other people. I shouldn't have realized that me and you were coming out at different angles. I want to cook and be around people just as a nice thing and it's like, how can I force people to be around me? How can I force them to like me? I'm just more woke, Munchie. I'm just more woke. Though I have black pills. I put a few more black pills in my muffins if you know what I'm saying. Oh, I know what you're saying. There's something so alluring about the chef lifestyle where whenever I watch a high level chef, it's like they're a cowboy.   You know what I'm saying?  I don't even care. I don't feel anything in my hands. Just slam it on the table.  I'm self-determined as hell and cooking does not faze me more. I don't even like food.  Gordon Ramsay doesn't eat. He literally just like tastes stuff of what he's eating. He's not having meals. That's a thing about him that is true. Really? Yeah. Here's an unpopular opinion. Okay, okay. I think that food... I'll hit you for it. Food is sort of art in the way that porn is sort of art. I think food is basically porn. No! And I think that it's cheap and dodgy.  No, no, no. Hear me out. I kind of know where you're going with this, but why? Because food, like sex, is just a thing. It's just a thing. Like a primal instinct? It's like a primal instinct that we're all forced. That we're all forced to enjoy. We can't help that about ourselves that we like food.  There's some pretty simple formulas.   This is from the perspective of a literal record. Yeah, hold on. I have a similar conclusion that was a very different story. Butter isn't something that just naturally happens. Butter is science. Hold on.  Stupid. Ben, I have a similar attitude towards it as you, but I come to it from a very different angle. I see it as if you just think of humans as just as an entity unto themselves, forget the actual context or culture they're in. They could be born today or 10,000 years ago, right? You know, food, eating, having sex, having a shelter. It's all equally important. You know, maybe you'll have entertainment if you need it. So the thing is, because eating and eating is a higher priority, right? Humans have spent a lot longer amount of time put way more man hours into perfecting the craft of food to the point that by the 20th century pretty much everyone who's, you know, at least decently privileged has access to basically most food, right? And we've basically got it down. I think that over the course of thousands of years there was a lot of experimentation, a lot of studying, a lot of stuff that feels like real art and discovery.  Meanwhile, stuff like- What do you mean we figured out food?    How can you look at the KFC double down and not call it art? Okay, I think the double down is like it's a meme I really hate because all it is is just chicken where the bread would be. I think the KFC famous bowl is pretty much the pinnacle of society.  I don't think it's that bad. It's such a simple but powerful change. Look, it's minimalism. The double down is minimalism. It's right there before us the whole time. We simply need to open our eyes and realize. People describing the double down is disgusting.  I think that's retarded too. I don't see what's so bad about it. There are definitely less carbohydrates if you get double down. It's keto. There's a lot of breading on those.   It's breaded chicken.  There's so much more progress to make. That's what the caveman used to eat. Double down. They would just reach over, like in the Garden of Eden, Adam would reach over to the bush and pluck a decadent double down. They would just down that sucker in one go. And Colonel Sanders, a.k.a. God, would give us a double down. He would write a sauce to Savannah to catch their daily double down. But dude, like, so if you think about how much we've figured out food, like we basically know what most people like. There's a restaurant for almost every sensible taste that's in the book. Meanwhile, tastes in movies or comics or books is, even though we've made so much progress, there's still much more formulation for them to make. And at this point, we're probably heading towards some sort of perfection there within a hundred years or so with algorithms like data collecting every opinion possible. I don't know, maybe it'll work. Maybe, maybe. Maybe it's possible. Maybe it's possible. I don't think it's true that... That with enough, like if we live in a post-singularity society and we have like every fucking, like everyone's making art, there might be like a home stuck for every single opinion you could have coming out like every couple of months. Listen, that'll never happen because of the principle of diminishing returns. Even if a perfect story were crafted that everyone loved more than anything else, it would eventually become boring and we would need something else because it would be fun forever. That's what I said. This was, I picked my words carefully. A home stuck for every type of opinion coming out every two months. Okay. Okay. What was Vic saying, though? I want to hear Vic twat. I was going to say, I don't agree with the idea that cooking has become like this singularity. No, it's not like actually perfect. It's so much closer. It's so much like further up on that hill that it feels less mortal. I mean, it might just be because like satisfying the taste buds is a much simpler thing than satisfying one's artistic preferences. Well, we think of it as simple because we've spent like 10,000 years advancing agriculture and commerce. Well, I don't necessarily agree with that.  I mean, I consider myself someone with a very unrefined palette so maybe I don't have much room to like comment on this. So maybe someone with a very developed like flavor palette might just like really complex stimuli. For example, like, oh, I don't need much at all. Oh, hey, I'll put some salt on it. Salt was an incredibly difficult thing to get throughout most of human history, right? Well, that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You might think, well, that doesn't sound like that's not like, it's not like mentally strenuous from the perspective of a cook, but from the broader cultural, from the broader like all of society working together.  But now it's just casual. So like, they were the bitcoins of their generation. That's kind of what I was getting at in the fact that there's like, I still think that is going to continue to evolve because there's still resources that are more scarce.  When will we have preservation techniques that will allow the pawpaw fruit to come back into wide circulation? Exactly. Exactly. We need the pawpaw fruit. I need the fucking, I need pawpaw flavored Mountain Dew fruit. Yes. It's the only fruit native to America. We need, it's a symbol of America. We have to make America great again with the pawpaw. Are you not referring to the pawpaw fruit from one piece that Bartholomew Kuma canonically ate? No. No, there's a real fruit called the pawpaw. The pawpaw fruit, they still grow in Virginia and West Virginia but it's like a Virginia native fruit.  Isn't that, it's the main characteristic is that it's not good. People say it's really good. It's super overpowered in one piece. It's really strong in one piece. Victor, are we getting into the GMO discussion in this episode because I feel like that might be important to cook in.   When you like that match, you can't stop it. It doesn't really have anything to do with cooking. It's really more about agriculture. I'm happy to talk about that.   Yeah.  GMOs are fine. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.  People with chemicals or pesticides. I don't know much about it. But all it is, you just change in their genes. That doesn't make them radioactive or poisonous or anything.  It's just doing faster. What we've been doing, literally, all of our species' existence is messing and changing and breathing. Did you guys know that carrots used to be purple? No, no. Did you guys know? Okay, okay.  We have dogs that can literally sneeze their own eyeballs out of their skull. We hear something that legitimately blew my mind. Spinach, broccoli, cabbage, brussel sprouts. They're all the same plant. They all are descendants of wild mustard. I didn't know that. They're the same plant that were just selectively bred for different trades.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  That's adorable. It is adorable. With bananas, it's still selective breeding. It's just forced into the DNA where they're just taking trades from other plants and putting them in so that they won't die from mass viruses.  Praise GMOs.  No, no, to be fair, is not some of the fear that in the future there will be consequences as opposed to right now of using GMOs. Is that relevant? Fantastic, dudes. I think some of the consequences would be that the only consequence would be that the viruses would change to adapt to the new DNA but then we would just GMO them again. Are we going to have the pug equivalent of fruits? Is that what the end game for GMOs is going to be? Sorry to interrupt, but how do I say that? Is my mic still working? You said fine, yep. Like, yeah. You know, this is all very interesting and all, but I think the audience really, there's just one thing that came for it, one thing only.  No, no. Victor, I want to know about the philosophy of the po-boy eats. I just want to know everything that goes on in that world. Tell me about it. The series was inspired by the fact that I cooked these super simple dishes for me in Hope every day.    I can't eat just a peanut butter and granola sandwich. My dad will eat rice mixed with corn and pea. That's a satisfying dinner to him. I can't do that. You can be kind of broke and also make yourself food that makes you not want to kill yourself. Just so everybody knows, in case you missed it, we have to link this in the show notes or wherever about the Radcom 3 po-boy eats that was made.  What an art piece that was. That was definitely alchemy going on in that video for sure. I got to say, I tried noodles on bread just the other day because I was cooking noodles. I don't remember the Victor burger being that bad. I want to try it again. I want to try noodles on bread. It was quite good. I'm glad that was on the back. The Japanese do that. They'll have the noodles on the hotdog buns and stuff. Yeah, that's true.  There's people experimenting far beyond what I've been doing. It's just not in America.  Hey, while we're on a subject of simplistic food, I didn't end up talking about my lifestyle with cooking. Here's the thing with me in cooking. The tensions I have with it are weird. I love cooking. I find it therapeutic. I find doing the dishes to be therapeutic. The problem is I just never take the time to do it because I want to work on videos more.   Wait, was that an almond butter sandwich? Or was that an all the butter sandwich? No, almond butter sandwich. Like one stick of butter sandwich. Or even cashew butter sandwich. Which is even better. I don't have a microwave though. I've just been eating cold leftovers that I make. But here's the other thing. It's about simplistic food, right? I only got one recently. As I was getting older, as I was becoming 15, 16, 17, some of my friends were like, oh wow, you cook food? That's so helpful, right? I'm a helpful person who cooks. So then leading up to moving into the bro house with Digi and Victor and Ben and whatnot. I'm like, okay, so I guess I cook. But then when it turns out is, the reason why people don't cook is that they want to have actual food and not just something that you make with three ingredients, which is what I always eat. I'm just like, okay, what ingredients do I have? I'll probably have some chicken. I'll have a spinach. I'll have mushrooms. I'll have some onions. I'll saute this. That's for me as good of a meal as I can have. I'm not quite as crazy about weirdly simplistic meals. That sounds pretty good to me. I don't know.  Because Digi was saying, I just don't like cooking. I don't know how to cook. If you want to know how to cook, all you have to do is make spaghetti. Then the next day, make it with hamburger meat or chicken meat. Then next time, put in mushrooms and green peppers in there. That will help the ingredients one at a time. Then a month later, in another episode of Digi Bro, Davoo is telling me how to make spaghetti. I know how to make spaghetti. Basically, what he was saying is the reason why he doesn't want to cook the reason why he can't cook by his own definition is that he wants to cook food to be more complex and not the way that his dad would eat food. What I found out is that even though I like making food, I don't like making food for other people because people don't ever want to eat what I'm going to make for the most part. The food that I've seen you cook is pretty weird. It's pretty weird. For me, it's just like...  For me, he doesn't ever care about... Maybe I just hate carrots. I mostly don't care about the precise execution, the difference between exactly how long you might want to broil something or breading something correctly or having the ratio of ingredients be correct. I became cognizant of this when Digi was saying, the reason you go to Kevin's doghouse is because it's got the perfect ratio of bun to wiener to chili. I'm like, oh, yeah, ratios. I don't care. I just think do those ingredients go well together, put them together. It's just very caveman-like for me.  You do not have to care, and that's what makes cook so cool. They're just constantly cynical and pessimistic, and they have no passion or life left in their body. When is my approach to cooking 100%?  Pause. Pause. What was Gibbs say? Well, I was going to say, my dad, he's been cooking his whole life and he's like the cook of the family and he's really, really good in it and I love everything he cooks, but when I was trying to learn from him, I was like, okay, I got to step up to the plate. I got to try and cook things. He doesn't have no timings for anything. He's just over the course of cooking a cook for so long. He just instinctively knows how long you're supposed to cook a piece of thing at what temperature. I have to keep asking him, what temperature do I reheat this thing at? What about this? How long do I go and just go until it's brown and then put the thing in? I know in my heart of hearts when the chicken is probably done. I double check, but you know. It's like jazz, man. When I cook, I'll start cooking with a thing in mind. I won't check to see if we have the ingredients. I will just kind of start going and then I'll just make whatever substitutions I feel like as we go. You want to talk about the rhubarb thing? I do a cowboy stuff. Where you got to bring it out. Huh?  It was the d'vubarb pie. It was a strawberry rhubarb pie with blueberries. That sounds good. I'm going to make this rhubarb pie, right? And you're like, okay, let me look at the ingredients and one by one, by one by one, you had maybe two out of the ten ingredients and just substituted and substituted over and over and over again. Some of those substitutions were legit. Yeah. And it was just the most Ben experience I've ever had. How did it turn out? What were you left with? It would have been a fine pie. The only thing was that there was not enough filling. So the filling kind of baked down into a film. So it kind of just became really thin bars of pie crust with kind of a thin, gooey layer of d'vubarb coating the top of it. I mean, it wasn't gross or anything but it was not a pie. Oh, right.    Yeah, I think it's more of a northern thing. Yeah, I guess so. And then Ben bites into that and he thinks, you know, I could have eaten that. That's the problem, Ben. It's that you're making a weird, filmy, disgusting, like fish tank food pie. You guys remember who was there for it when I made the Swedish fish-flavored fried Oreos? No. I don't remember. I don't remember. You and me made Dorito breaded fried chicken. I remember that. They didn't really taste like Doritos. They needed to be dusted with Dorito dust after frying. Right, that's right.  Chernobyl crock pot? Do you remember the final days of the crock pot? I remember the time when there was that one crock pot that dragged out for a couple of days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had chicken and vegetables in the crock pot. It was right before we retired it, for good. Yeah. So there were chicken and vegetables in there, and it had been in there hot for like two days. It was very dried out. It was not dry. We went to the supermarket and I picked up some cans of soup. I got like cheese and beer-flavored soup. And I just dumped cans of cheese and beer-flavored soup into the crock pot and mixed them with the dry... To moisten it up so I could eat it again. So Ben set a crock pot in the mid-afternoon and I thought it was Digi's crock pot for some reason. I had heard that the crock pot was supposed to be done at 10pm. 10pm. 10pm comes and I'm the only one still awake. And I thought, well, it's Digi's crock pot. Digi's relatively responsible. He'll remember. But it was actually Ben's crock pot. I assume he was asleep. So the next morning comes up, I wake up and I'm hearing a sizzling. What's the sizzling?  It's all dried up.  Then Ben wakes up and he's like, hmm, I don't think I have to throw this away. So you just... Neither of us take a single stab at it. We don't even want to be in the same zip code. But you're like, nipple, nipple.  So basically just make it worse.  I mean, there's a certain logic there. That's the perfect summary of the experience of living in that house at that time was that there was always some sort of disturbing black mess crock pot going on. Oh God.  So Ben had that crock pot. He left the crock pot on warm. He didn't even put it in the fridge.  And it was like all crusted and dried at the bottom. No!  It was just like... The beer and cheese soup gave it a very strange smell. Imagine that. Ben really needs to have his own sitcom. Hang on, hang on. Were these two separate soups? A beer soup and a cheese soup? A beer and cheese flavor soup. It was a real thing. I think more than anyone in this group needs to have his needs to star in a sitcom. Just this man who's just everything about life and existence for him is a total failure but he's so complacent with it and so chill about it that it seems like he's doing it on purpose and it's actually really cool. That's real life. I resent that a lot.  That's the cramer of real life in some ways. Here's the rub. Yeah. Don't be like this. Don't do this. Why not? It's good. It worked out. I got food out of that crock-pop on any of us. Don't go to McDonald's. Don't go to Der Wiener Schnitzel. Don't go to Burger King.  Put some butter in a pan. Get the pan hot and put it in an egg.  I don't really like eggs that much though. I've got a way better method to live your life by.  It's a good cheat. That is the ultimate secret.  That is the best way to keep cooking in your life. It's so difficult because I live with my parents still and my dad is the cook boy. He has meals planned way ahead of time. I'm going to cook a curry today and then we're going to have a roast lamb and he has all these ingredients in the fridge and I don't know what I can use and what I can. I never get the chance to use to learn cooking myself. I really should I feel like I would be able to keep track of it if I had a fridge of my own. That's a fridge too far. With my family my mom is the one who does the cooking primarily but if I could do it all the time it would be like two out of every third day and most of the time we would just make meals for ourselves. I think my dad was the only one who would basically just rely upon the food that my mom made.  Why don't I ever see you like even like lift anything or like do anything physical? It's because you all don't see the cylinders firing at full strength in my skull. Is this what Rush Limbaugh actually says? Yeah, what? He said Rush Limbaugh. Yeah, okay, okay.   Yeah, it's like L from Death Note. If I did any physical activity, it would take power. Okay, but Rush Limbaugh. It would divert power away from my brain cylinders. But Rush Limbaugh is a big fatty and L is canonically like a tennis warrior gladiator champion. So, you know, I'm just saying. There's something so sad about not being able to like give another human and like, like a share in the feeling you're giving another human of like giving them like the primal desire of eating food, but not having to be like a weird like societal commitment. Like sexes. It can just be a casual and friendly ordeal where you just share in being a human and bleeding and weeping together.  And it's just a warm, homely endeavor that doesn't have any societal pressures on it.  Just the feeling of joy I get through a chaotic, you know, just happened to happen. J.O. Crystal charging sesh with the boys. Now that's pure. That's what life is really about. Hey, are we going to start a P.C.D. club? What's the D for? The D club? You don't know about the D club? Oh, the D club, of course, of course.   The fourth one will be next, so D would work, too. Damn. That's a good idea. I've got like one last story about like primal cooking, because I've been camping a couple times. No, it's like we get like a log fire going.  What we used to do was we got like a potato and we wrapped it in tinfoil and we just threw it in the fire. That's good stuff, baked potatoes. And sweet corn as well. I remember making eggy bread out in the woods, and I don't know how we did that. That was strange. Oh yeah, eggy bread is like when you get an egg and you whisk it up and then you dip the bread in the egg. They call that French. I guess in Britain you get arrested for calling it that. Because they're mortal enemies. No, nothing French here, no thanks. Eggy bread is like their version of freedom fries. What do you call French fries in Britain? Do you call them French fries? Chips. They call them chips.  I forgot. I know that. I just forgot. We have fries which are like the thin like McDonald's things. But then chips are like chunkier. I know you, I don't know any of them are fries. So chips are the good fries.  Yeah, well they've always been like an Americanized restaurant chain. They don't change for us. They'll pull the small things for us. Royale with cheese when there's the metric system.  Well, that's just the name.  They were spaghetti and civilians.  We've got spaghetti. Are we done? Are we done talking about cooking now? Should we?  I almost went away like nothing. Yeah, I mean I don't know anything. I was gonna ask if like, okay if each of you guys had to recommend to our fair audience something for them to cook. Oh. What would you recommend? Oh, my recommendation. Oh. Is that hard to make though Ben? How do you make that?  You can coat it in like anything you want. Anything. You get a deep fryer.  You get a deep fryer? Can't you just make it in a pan though? You can buy a deep fryer for like 20 bucks. You can put oil in a saucepan and deep fry it. You can do that. It's kind of a waste of oil but you can do it. Here's my recommendation. If the way that I described the way I cook and the things I eat sounded interesting to you, dear viewer.  And just instead of using oil, just use like water and just like keep... That's steaming. Yeah, basically steaming. The water sauté! I know, I know, I know it's steaming but instead of like having a thing like where like you know there's water beneath it and you know the steam comes up. Like you're cooking chicken, like you put the chicken in there because chicken is like 50% cooked that's when you can add the carrots.  But yeah, like it is basically a sauté in my opinion because it's all like in a thing. It's not just steam. You're using water. Just keep adding water.  You know there's not even any butter or oil, right?  So that's my recommendation. My recommendation would be just think of something you've always wanted to know how to cook. Google it, get the ingredients and just cook it with your phone. Just look at the ingredients the method with your phone. They even have apps where you can keep track of every single thing you have in your fridge and it'll like algorithmically like pick out like recipes for you.  That's true.   You know what I mean?  I'd rather just like be like on a whim or like I want to learn how to cook a Spanish omelet. I Google Spanish omelet recipe and then I just make it and I just look at my phone. It's great. You gotta have that adversity like oh you gotta look in your fridge and be like oh what's here? There's not a whole lot here. I guess there's this. I know but like it's I can do make me this. I mean it's intimidating the idea that you're supposed to just become like a person who inherently knows what you need to put into a thing. I think if you want to get into cooking start by learning recipes and eventually you'll figure out what you can change about a recipe. Watch Food Network. Watch Food Network every day. Yes, sure. Watch Chopped all the time. How do you learn how to play guitar? Like if you want to be like an excellent jazz guitarist the first thing you do is you learn to play like a song and then you like look up exactly what to do and then as you go you just kind of learn like oh okay so I've learned chords now. You see a repeating pattern of how songs are and what chords go with those. And cooking is similar to that in the sense of the way you can like you know extrapolate and apply things in different ways and all that kind of stuff. So yeah. Let me say you could go and learn how to like make a sauce you know and like go to the roots of like don't just buy prego try to make sauce and then you'll see like how things go together you know and how things are actually made in the cooking world. Indeed. Tom can you speak for like three minutes straight so you earn your $30?  I've had nothing to contribute to this topic at all. True. Well, fair enough. Great, great. I, okay.  Here's what you do. Here's what you do.  You move it with your hand. Oh no, no.  Wait, wait. You don't even like pick it up like from the top.  A literal cooking tip. When you're cooking a steak and you put it down in the pan never move it. Well not never but like don't move it around to cook it because you need to let the skin like crisp up and harden and when it slides around on its own then you can flip it. Oh. When you move it around it'll like break apart and it'll be gross. You've got to keep that moisture in there. I always want to move my food around when I'm watching it cook. It's a bad habit. It's a bad habit. It's a bad idea. Okay. You're supposed to like make steaks in the pan in the frying pan and then they put it in the oven, right? I would grill a steak personally. Has everyone laid out their food recommendation? Well no, we're in the middle of it. I know, I know. Like once this is done that's basically it. I don't know. Maybe. Anyway. Get out of here. All right. Just checking. Why?  Wait, why? Podcast is ruined, Daboo. Let's start over again. Wow. Check up around here. Listen, here's my cooking recommendation. Don't do it. This is what I'm saying. Just as a grubbo just give I-hop pancakes every day like me. No!  Make more money and you won't have to do it anymore. I mean, that's- Just get better at your job and make more money. I mean, that's a good recommendation too. But here's what I'm actually saying. Here's my real recommendation. Cooking is nice and I like the communal aspects and all that stuff but better than that is like saving any time that currently is used cooking.  There's a solution to cooking invent a new thing that does not currently exist.  There's a Soylent competitor called Hewl. Hewl with an H and it has no soy in it at all. It's like- No soy. You say thank God. Sounds amazing. I mean I don't I don't- Soy is not actually a problem but like I don't know what like the I have not looked at like the nutritional facts here's what I want. It's not the Soylent of the problem it's the boys. It's the boys in that that's the problem listen it's the I want a slurry I can just chug at any moment of the day and I just want to be able to dispense it in any place.  What you need is is like an IV drip of vitamins and nutrients I literally give it up I don't care I just want enough to worry about it. What? Have you tried pissy baby food?  That might work for you.  No the ABDL community and all this. There's no Pedialyte that like baby drink. Have you seen it? Recently on Twitter they're rebranding it that it's not just for babies. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. No, not just for babies. I don't believe there's any ABDL That's literally their- their slogan is not just for babies. This ain't- Oh my god. This ain't your daddy's baby food. By the way I don't believe there's any ABDL food yet because the ABDL like ABDL food Yeah, well because like the companies that supply like products and like merchandise for that I don't think they have quite the supply chain yet to like have like refrigeratable and like just eat baby food. Yeah. I didn't- I didn't particularly mean it as like like an RP thing. I mean it's like as a thing- as a Nate thing. Like I want just a slurry of like protein enough for an adult. I'm the real ABDL around here. True. That's that's so- that's my recommendation. The more true it is. Yeah.  But that's- When I was a baby I was 10 feet tall and 10 feet wide and 90 percent of my mass was dead heat just solely to my brain pumping out ideas left and right. Whoa.  And if baby's can talk they'll be the smartest beans on the planet. Hey. So okay the thing about cooking right the reason why I was trying to like figure out like how much more we have to say is because I feel like we're basically wrapped up with food but I kind of want to talk about kitchens specifically I don't know if we should save that for a later episode. No no I do not have to save it because we're we're right right right up down time I think here's the main issue for me. Wait we're we've only been going for an hour. But we've got we've got segments to get to we've got segments to talk about. Okay If you want to I mean if we go for 50 more minutes that's perfectly fine with me I got no problem with that. All right cool. The kitchen ran in all caps it's a 10 minute video and it has monetization on it.


Ladies and gentlemen, the Colgate Palm Oli Pete Company, makers of Colgate Dental Cream, take this opportunity to wish you a merry Christmas. And now, Colgate Dental Cream presents the Dennis Day Show, written by Frank Galen, with Sharon Douglas, Dink Trout, Paula Winslow, Charles Dent in the orchestra, yours truly, Vern Smith, and starring our popular young singer, in A Day in the Life of Dennis Day. Here's Dennis to sing, A Gal in Calico. First Sunday, boo, till I roll, gonna settle down. By this time, but those of you who'll be making his acquaintance for the first time on these Wednesday nights would probably like to know just what sort of person he is. Well, let's ask the folks who know him best. First, there's his landlady, Mrs. Anderson, who runs the boarding house in Weaverville where Dennis rooms. Mrs. Anderson, what's your honest opinion of Dennis Day? My opinion of Dennis Day is that he's a 22-year-old boy. Well, yes, of course, but what sort of 22-year-old boy? Well, I'm sorry, but that's as far as I care to go on Christmas. Well, it's a fact that Dennis has never managed to get into Mrs. Anderson's good graces. Now, Mr. Anderson, on the other hand, kind of likes him, although he's never come right out and admitted it. And just why haven't you, Mr. Anderson? Well, it all goes back to when I first married my dear wife.   You see, when we were married, we made a pact. Poopsie and I. We decided we'd always think and act as one person. Of course, I didn't know then that the one person would turn out to be Poopsie. Oh, I see. Well, there's one member of the Anderson family who likes Dennis and makes no bones about it. That's their daughter, Mildred, our young hero's girlfriend. Right now, on this fine Christmas morning, she's carefully planted herself under the mistletoe in the Anderson living room as Dennis comes down for breakfast. Morning, Mildred. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Dennis. Boy, I'm sure I'm hungry this morning. See you after breakfast, huh? Well, Dennis, wait. What's the matter? Don't you notice I'm standing someplace? Well, that happens very often when you're not sitting down. I don't mean that silly. Now, look around carefully. Don't you see anything different? You're wearing a new dress? No, higher. You washed your face? Dennis, what's over my head? Hair. I mean on the chandelier. Don't you see what's tied to it? A piece of mistletoe. Oh, I see now. Pretty, isn't it? Dennis, I'm standing right under it. Well, don't worry.  Didn't you ever hear of mistletoe, Dennis? If a man happens to find a girl standing under it, he can kiss her. Gosh, really? Yes. And you happen to find me standing under it. Well... Oh, I couldn't take advantage of an accident. It wasn't an accident, Dennis. I stood here on purpose. Mildred. I did it so you'd kiss me.   No one wants my brains, only my kisses.  No, Mildred. I know how desirable I am, but you should fight it. I'm tired of arguing about it. Come here, Dennis Day. Please, Mildred. You're messing my hair. I don't care. Now stand still. This is the sort of thing that goes on in my house. Mother. Hello, Mrs. Anderson. What's new? Put on any act with me. I saw you kissing my daughter. Give me one reason why I should walk in and find such a thing going on. We didn't expect you. It was all my fault, mother. Really, it was. You see, it's Christmas and there was mistletoe and I was standing under it. And, well, anyway, it was only a little peck on the cheek. That's true, Mrs. Anderson. And I promise it won't happen again until we've been married for years. Married? Married, indeed. Young man, you've been nothing but trouble to me since you began boarding here. I suggest that you look for another place to live as soon as you can. But, Mrs. Anderson. That's my last word on the subject. Gee, now I'm in a fine mess. Golly, I'm sorry, Dennis. You wouldn't have gotten in trouble if only I hadn't insisted on kissing you. Oh, that's all right. As a matter of fact, I kind of like being kissed. Oh, did you, Dennis? Yeah. I see now why so many people speak so well of it. I hope mother doesn't really make you move. No, it wouldn't be much of a Christmas if she did. Oh, dear, I nearly forgot with so many things going on. What? There's a little present for you inside, underneath the tree. For me. Gosh, thanks, Mildred. I hope you won't be too disappointed, but I didn't have enough money to buy you an expensive present this year. Oh, that's all right, Dennis. I'll be every bit as happy with a present that costs practically nothing. I didn't have enough to buy you one of those, either. Oh, well, don't feel bad, me. I understand. Next year I'll be able to give you something real nice to make up for it after my invention is put on the market. Your invention? Yeah. I haven't told you because I wanted it to be a surprise. You see, one day last week Mrs. Courtney came into the drugstore to get something for a terrible headache.  And it cured her headache? No, it made her headache worse, but it curled her hair. I haven't told a soul yet, but I think I've invented a permanent wave solution. It should be worth millions. I should say so. Have you tried it on anyone besides Mrs. Courtney? No, but Mr. Willoughby's police dog sat in some the other day. And what happened? Well, the part that barks is still police dog, but the part that wags is pure French poodle. That's marvelous. I'm improving it all the time. Yesterday I put some powder from France I found in the place. Oh, Gali, I just had the most wonderful idea. What? My mother's got to know about this. Why, when she sees what you've got hold of, she'll never let you move out. Oh, she won't believe it's any good if I invented it. Oh, but that's just it. She's got to try some herself. But how are we going to get it to do that? Oh, look, she's in the next room. You go in and hint in a subtle way that she doesn't look quite as attractive for Christmas as she might. Her hair looks a little stringy.  Gali, I'll do it. I've got a jar of it right here in my pocket. Good. Oh, but you've got to be very diplomatic about telling her she could look more attractive. Oh, I will. Well, here goes. Mrs. Anderson. Yes?  Oh, I don't mean all over, just above your neck.  Mrs. Anderson, wait, you don't understand. What I meant is, you're beautiful. Your hair kind of spoils it. Uh, my hair? Yeah, it's so straight. Why, if you had curly hair, you could look just like Lana Turner all over instead of just locally. Oh, that's very sweet of you, Dennis. But my hair's always been straight. Even a permanent doesn't curl it. Well, I have some stuff right here that will, Mrs. Anderson.  Well, if it's as good as all that, I certainly will try it. That's well. Come out and show Mildred when you're finished. Oh, I will. Well, she... Oh, good morning, Mr. Anderson. Good morning, Dennis. Uh, my lover girl in there. Yes, but don't go in, Mr. Anderson.  I am? Yeah. How would you like it if your wife suddenly became Lana Turner? Outside of Lana Turner suddenly becoming my wife. I can't think of anything nicer. Well, you just wait. You really think it'll work, Dennis? Oh, sure. And with that French powder I put in yesterday to make it smell nice, she'll just love it. What kind of French powder was it? Oh, I don't know. Only the name of the maker was on the box. Some fellow named Plaster of Paris. Plaster of Paris? Oh, Dennis, no. I did something. Did something? We're finished forever. Mildred, what do you mean? Yes, what are you two talking about? Well, my head feels awfully peculiar. Really, Mother? Yes. How do you like it, Herbert? Oh, very nice books, eh? That's the first sensible hat I've ever seen you wear. That? I'm not wearing a hat. You mean that's you? Well, certainly. This is my new hairdo. Don't you think you over-duded? What do you mean? Get out of the way so I can see myself in the mirror. Why, I don't... I must have made a slight mistake in the formula. Why? Well, there's nothing to worry about, Mrs. Anderson. I'll have you head in fine shape as soon as I get hold of a hammer. A hammer?  Fine thing. It was supposed to be Lana Turner and me, and now it's the egg and I. Use this, Dennis, the firetongue. Okay, hold still, Mrs. Anderson. There, see? Dennis Day, I told you once today to leave this house as soon as you can. Well, I can't wait. You're leaving this instant. Mrs. Anderson, I was only trying to help. Get out of my sight. That's final. Come, Herbert. Gee, didn't turn out to be a very merry Christmas, did it, Mildred? No, I'm afraid not. Oh, but don't worry, Dennis. We'll find some way to see each other. Gee, I hope so. Oh, well, Dennis, listen.  It'd be kind of nice to have them in, wouldn't it? Yes, it would. Open the door, Dennis. Let's have them in. Okay. Hey, fellas, come on in. Mrs. Anderson may have something for you. Okay, come on, guys. Try to shake the snow off your shoes. Mrs. Anderson is very particular about her rugs. Come on in, boys. Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am. Hey, what about that little fellow out there on the snow? Isn't he coming in? No, he don't sing well. He just follows us around. Yeah, everywhere we go, he tags along. We can't get rid of him. He's a pest.  You'll catch cold out there. Come on up. Don't be afraid. What's your name? Cecil. Oh, your name is Cecil, huh? Yes, sir. Cecil. Well, come on up, Cecil. Yes, sir. See, you are catching cold. I'm not cold. You're not crying, are you? Yes, sir. You are? But this is Christmas. You shouldn't be crying on Christmas. Yes, sir. What are you crying about, Cecil? They won't let you sing with them. Why not? I got braces on my teeth. They say I don't sing good. Well, I don't believe it.  You don't? No, but I like to sing anyway. I like to sing more than anything in the whole world. Sure you do. And that's what makes singing really important. To want to sing from the bottom of your heart, whether you can really sing or not. It is? It certainly is.  Well, this little boy wanted to sing more than anything else in the whole world. Honest? And one night he had a vision. And the vision told him never to stop singing because someday he would sing for the king. What's the vision? A vision? Oh, a vision is something like a dream, I think. Well, this little boy... What was his name? His name? Oh, I don't know what his name was. You see, it was a very long time ago. How long ago? Oh, a long, long time ago. Did he sing over the radio? No, this was long before radios and phonographs and moving pictures. Poor Jack Benny? Yes, even before that. It was a long, long time ago in a land far, far away. The little boy came from a very poor family but his father and mother worked hard they could barely buy enough bread to eat. The boy had no shoes to wear and his clothes were ragged and torn. But he didn't care for he was happy. He had a song in his heart. Life is fair on a summer's day sweet the western wind. One day his father called the boy to his side and said, Why is it my son that you always sing? We are poor and have little for you to sing and be happy about. And the boy answered, I am happy, father, for some day I know I shall sing for the king.  And the boy said, But I shall, father, my vision told me so. It was so clear to me, father. A voice spoke to me and said that I had been chosen to sing for the king. The boy's father was sorely troubled. He shook his head sadly inside. My son, you must put such idle dreams out of your head for tomorrow you shall start to work for the rich landowner who lives on the hill. Gladly, father, and I shall sing as I work for some day my song will be heard by the king. The boy's father returned to his work knowing that his words could not shake his son's faith and his vision.  The dust rose and danced with the sunbeams leaving a happy trail behind the boy as he sang. Life is fair on a summer's day sweet the western wind is blowing. And so the boy went to work for the rich landowner. He tended to the flocks of sheep and to the goats. At dusk when the boy would drive the flocks home from the meadows the hooves of the animals would make a gentle sound on the road and with this his music the boy would sing. Life is fair on a summer's day sweet the western wind is blowing. One day not long after the landowner called the boy to him and said Harken to me, boy! I pay you to care for my flocks not to fill the air with your incessant song. I'm sorry, master. I meant to bother no one with my singing. The sheep and the goats don't mind. I am neither a sheep or a goat, so I mind. You see, master, I must sing. For some day my song will be heard by the king. Ah, you're mad, boy.  Sing for the king. Be gone with you. Be gone with you. But, master, I shall sing for the king. You will see. And so it came to pass that the boy, laughed at and ridiculed by all who knew him, left and went to the great city to sing for the king.  Great buildings lined the streets and the greatest of all was the palace of the king. There were many steps that led up to the palace gates and the gates themselves were as tall as a tree. He felt very small and afraid as he ascended the steps. He would have run away, but he kept thinking of his vision. With this to give him strength, he was no longer afraid. He climbed and climbed and finally, tired and out of breath, he reached the uppermost step. Smoothing down his ragged garments, he approached the gates. And hesitantly, he knocked upon them. He waited breathlessly as the gates slowly opened. Who knocks at the palace of the king? The boy looked up at the tall garden and said, I, I, I did. Ragged beggar, what is it you want? I, I am not a beggar. Speak up!  I have come because of a vision. I have come to sing for the king. You sing for the king? You, a ragged beggar boy, I have come to sing for the king. The guard laughed and laughed. The guards came and they too joined them the laughter. They laughed even more when the boy told them of his vision. Then, tiring of their laughter, they picked the boy up and cast him down the many steps to the street below. And slammed the gates shut. The boy picked himself up out of the dirt at the bottom of the steps.  That night, weary from his journey and unable to travel further, the boy stopped to rest by the side of a hill. Sheep were grazing nearby. And as he fell asleep, the boy knew that he would never sing again. He was awakened that night by a strange light. A light that transformed everything about him. A light from a great star that shone above. There wasn't a sound. All was hushed. A hush, a quiet, a silence beyond words to describe. Even the sheep on the hillside and the doves in the trees seemed to sense the silence and paid on moving homage. Then the light seemed to become even brighter, bathing all in a glow that made them one. The boy, the hill, the earth, the grass, the animals all became one and one alone. The boy raised himself from the ground, not daring to breathe. Then he felt a song swelling in his throat. He could contain himself no longer. Something was compelling him to sing. He stood up straight and small on the hill. What if they had laughed at him? What if his song was unwanted? He felt he must sing now, here and now in this divine night. So he stood. His tattered clothes shimmering in the light of the star above were like the rainmen of angels. And he sang. Then he finished his song. The boy saw a man coming up the hill toward him. The man was a shepherd and he carried a crooked staff. The boy said, I thought I was alone here on the hill. And the shepherd said, You will never be alone again, boy. No man will ever be alone again. And then the shepherd turned and pointed down the hill. And the boy looked and saw a small stable nestled below. And the shepherd turning to the boy said, Tonight, my son, you sang for a king. Fairly, the king of kings. So you see, Cecil, if your heart is full of song, you must sing. Oh, I didn't know you folks were listening. It was a lovely story, Dennis. It was beautiful, Dennis. Yes, it was. Yes, it was a very nice story. And I'm sorry I got so angry with you. I hope you forgive me, Dennis. Oh, sure. That's all right, Mrs. Anderson. Cecil, would you like to sing with us? Can I? Oh, gosh, I'd love to sing with you. I'd love to sing with you. Will you let me? Sure. How about we all sing together? Oh. Bobby Driscoll, who played the part of Cecil, appeared through the courtesy of Walt Disney and can be seen in the Technicolor Picture Song of the Sound. All the other parts in the Christmas story were played by Dennis, of course. The special musical background was by Charles Dan. This is Wern Smith speaking. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.


Welcome to the show! I have weird cameras going on. Well, it's me, JP. Welcome to JP's product pick of the week. It's Tuesday, so it's time for us to look at a new product pick, don't you think?  So head on over to this URL right here, this one, or go to that QR code, and that is going to take you to the product page where you're gonna find our product pick of the week, and it is 50% off. In fact, I'm gonna head over there right now, and you can see here's the cashed version of my site.  So head on over there. I know that that's a bit of a spoiler, now you know what it is, but shh, let's pretend that you didn't, hmm, hmm. In fact, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna reach back in time and ask Mrs. Lady Aida to tell us all about today's product pick. This is the AMG 8833. This is a kind of neat sensor. This has actually been around for a while, but the price recently dropped to a reasonable amount. So this is the, an eight by eight thermal array, like basically mini camera. So you can get like, you know, cameras in the shop that are like 200 pixels by 100 pixels, and you get like a real thermal camera, sometimes called FLIR cameras, but they're really expensive. And also you can't necessarily integrate them into your project. They might be, well, first off, they're expensive and delicate, but second, they usually need like a high speed interface, sometimes they're USB cameras. What's nice about this is it all works over I squared C, so it's very easy to add to any microcontroller or microcomputer project. And we have example code for both Arduino compatibles and Raspberry Pi. So this is the sensor, and you can see there's, this is like the little lens. We have a level shifting and power regulation. The lens is right in the middle. It looks like it's offset, because we wanted to put the lens in the very center. And here I have it just connected up to my Metro. This is Arduino compatible. And I hooked up 1.44 into 128 by 128 pixel, and I just have each of the sensor outputs connected, you know, basically outputs to a block. Now, when you reach from the sensor, it gives you a 64 point Celsius measurement in floating point, but we just basically map that to some colors and put that here. What you're seeing, actually this red dot is actually the camera, because the camera is actually a little bit hot. So you see a little bit of a red dot. So you can use this with Arduino and you get eight by eight grid. It's pretty good. If you're willing to use a Raspberry Pi, or actually probably just a more powerful microcontroller, you can use the filtering capabilities that are built into Python using SciPi to do bi-cubic like averaging. And so you take the 64 points, but you can turn into 124 points. So you can get a lot higher precision if you like, you can move your fingers and you can actually see individual points. And actually what's easy is you can see above both the camera and the line here is the lights, the fluorescent light above. I wonder how far I can get away where it still says like. No, you're hot. This is why Mosfet the cat will not leave me alone because I'm warm and he just uses me as a heating pad. You're super warm. Next up, this is the revision. This is the AMG 8833. So we've had this thermal camera for a while. Now the thermal camera just has a STEMIQT connector. So you can plug and play it with any of our STEMIQT interface boards, including the cyberdecks we're about to show. Or if you've got a clue board, you can plug it in and then have like a little thermal camera. But yeah, so it's the same chip, the same schematic. It's actually even physically the same size. We did rearrange the pins a little bit to make them in our STEMIQT standard. And of course they have the plug and play connectors on the end to make easy thermal camera projects. Aha, hey, that's right. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna first turn on my mic, which I have. And now I'm gonna head over to my mystery cabinet of wonderful things and pull one out of the drawer. I'll be right back. So the product pick of the week is the AMG 8833 infrared thermal camera. And what I'm gonna do, I've actually got a couple of demos I wanna show you. So what I'll do first is I'm gonna switch to a down shooter. I only have one of them and it's plugged in right now so I couldn't hold one up in a nice convenient fashion yet. But I think you won't mind once you see this super cool demo. So here you can see I have a Pi portal and I'm running an Arduino code or Arduino sketch with the AMG 8833 plugged in over I squared C. It is using its eight by eight infrared sensors to measure the temperature using infrared of objects in front of it. And then this program is actually interpolating that to the 124 pixels. So you can see we get thanks to this kind of averaging by cubic interpolation, we get a really cool sort of predator thermal vision look at the world. You can see pretty clearly me waving my arms here. As I get closer, of course, it'll detect the heat getting closer.  Especially with my glasses on, they're kind of cold.  And this is, like I said, running some Arduino sample code that's actually in the example codes with the library. So if you get one of these, you'll see all I have here is it's plugged in over the I squared C using STEMA QT to STEMA cable. The four ports on the side there of the PyPortal work well. The example code is actually for a lot of different boards. You can use this with feather boards, metro boards, any of the Arduino boards really. This one I just modified slightly to work with a PyPortal just because it has the integrated gigantic display and fast enough processor with ESP32 running Arduino. We can do this interpolation code, which is pretty cool. You can also do this if you're using this on a Raspberry Pi computer. You also have enough processing power to do that. One of the really cool things that I wanted to show is a separate project, which is running on the Pi Gamer in circuit Python. So I'll show that in a second. But first, before I forget, what I want to do is I'm gonna take a soldering iron, and I turn this on, you'll see it's gonna start heating up and I'll get out of the way here and let the thermal camera, actually, you know what I'll do, I'm gonna take the thermal camera and I'll point it at this iron here and you can see there's this real nice hot spot there of the tip of that iron. I'm actually, let me point this right side up there. That'll make a little more sense. So you can see, here's my computer. That's my workstation that I'm broadcasting from. Whoops, that's pretty hot. A regular monitor, LCD monitor isn't. So off to the right I have some other monitors that they don't have much of a heat signature, but yeah, that soldering iron is red hot there. Now, as Lady Aida mentioned, the code that we have running gives us these 64 spots each with a temperature readout per and then we're interpolating that to these color values. But that can of course also be output as the temperature values. You could put that on the screen if you want. You can also, as you'll see here with C Grover's project, I have this very cool, this is a Pi Gamer and I have kind of a cool custom sticker on there for a faceplate that C Grover came up with. So thank you for that, Jan. He's got a learn guide up on Adafruit Learn system that I'll show you in a second. So what I'll do is I'll swap over to that and you can see again, I'm gonna use the little plug and play STEMA QT to plug this in. Jan's original project used a feather wing version of this same board. Yeah, and that one works really well as a camera because you can point this at things and what you point at is what you see on the screen. This is a slightly different configuration. So what I'll do is I'll turn this on here and we get this nice boot up screen. And you can see it's not happy about that soldering iron there. It's exceeding the alarm temperature. So this one's cool because it has the ability to set an alarm value that it'll beep at you if you go over that value. It sets some, these are Fahrenheit in this case right now. It's telling me right now we've seen a max of about 89 degrees. That's pointing at me probably. Average of 75, minimum of around 60. If I point this just off to the side in my workshop, you'll see this drops down. It's a little cooler over there against the wall and then point this back at me. And really neat feature on here is some sort of averaging or almost like a normalization that Jan called focus. So if I press this button here on the Pi Gamer, what it's gonna do is it's gonna change the range so that we, whatever the sort of minimum and maximum will fill the full color spectrum. So this is kind of cool. Let's us use more of that color range of the board. Oh, I have this sideways. Sorry, there we go. So there you can see me. This is the straight eight by eight blocks. So this is in circuit Python. It doesn't have the kind of processing power we would need to interpolate without a C library but we can show the eight by eight pixels and you can see it runs really fast and smooth. And this also has a histogram. So if we switch over from image to histogram, we get these sort of graphing values of where we're seeing more of the screen fill up with the temperature. So small section of the screen would not create as big of bar as most of the rest of the screen being filled or the camera sensors being filled. So super cool couple of implementations there of projects using this great little sensor. What I'll do now is let me switch over to show you some stuff related to the board in my browser. So here you'll see the, this is the product page and this is product ID 3538. If you head there now, you get this for 50% off which is a great deal. And then if we go and take a look at the learn guide for this, this will give us some info about the pinout. You can see you can still use the header pins if you want, if you want to plug this into a Promo Proto board or PCB or breadboard or you can plug into these little STEMI QT connectors like I've been doing and use it over I squared C. And then there's instructions in here for using it in Arduino in circuit Python as well as Python, if you're using it on something like a Raspberry Pi. If we head over to the downloads page of the learn guide, one of the things you can download is the datasheet. So this is all of the details that you could want about the chip as well as operating ranges and things like that, mechanical considerations, specifications. The interesting thing is that we've got some really great learn guide projects for getting started. So here's one very similar to the code that I was just running that uses a TFT feather wing, a feather and the sensor to do a thermal camera made by the Ruiz brothers with a really cool 3D printed case here. Here is the learn guide that C Grover created that I have that I was showing before. There's an earlier version of the sort of stickers to let you know the functionality. And this will take you all through the setup as well as details on the code and some converters and helpers that are being used. And here's another project, really cool. This one is a monster mask where the eyes will follow you because one of the interesting things about this module, unlike a traditional PIR sensor, is it can tell positioning within the grid since it is a series of eight by eight sensors, there's a notion of positioning within the space of that sensor field of view. So moving left to right in the sensor, these eyes will track you because it can tell that you're moving left to right. One other thing is if you head to, I think we might have a link to this. Otherwise, if you just Google the grid eye, that's what Panasonic calls this, they have some great info about the sensor, including, I didn't realize this is one of the main applications. If you look at this image here is placing the sensor on the ceiling and it has a 60 degree field of view. There's a little lens in front of all these elements. So you can get a pretty widespread of positions of heat sources, which is really useful today for things like counting how many people are in a space and even telling how close they are. If people are closer than six feet apart, then you might have an issue depending on where you are. If there's masks, how much immunization is going on. So really relevant today. And while it can tell the distance of a person coming towards the sensor like I was doing in my demos, I think one of the more intended applications is this overhead view where you have a fixed distance unless people are jumping up in the air pretty much you know the height of people from the sensor. And then as they move around like little blobs, and what I'll do is I'll play this a little bit here. It becomes an issue. You can see. But also pre-warning customers, but the store is open. Let me go back to here, turn that volume down here. You can see here's an overhead of a conference room. And you can see that there are too many people in the space is what I was saying.  So really cool. I didn't realize that that was how some of this sensing is done, but it makes a lot of sense. And it's a pretty inexpensive sensor for doing that sort of thing, given how you could set up an array of these and cover a really large store with pretty small modules. So let's see. Anything I'm forgetting. Let's see the range of it in Fahrenheit is 32 degrees up to 176, which you can tell it was really getting angry at my like 600 and some degree Fahrenheit solder iron tip there. It wasn't going to measure up that high. That's zero to 80 degrees in Celsius. And then some of the other applications that Panasonic suggests for the sensor human detection, you can do simple gesture detection. So given that, again, it knows a heat signature, if I switch back, let me show you my camera again here. And we'll switch back to the image mode here. I'm going to just hold the sensor there. You can see here's the heat source of my hand. I'm going to get my body out of the way. And you can see my hand, there's my arm. So there's my hand passing directionally. So I'm sure you could set up something pretty effective for doing left, right, up, down types of motion detection, depending on how sophisticated you want to get with your software, all the info is there because you get the individual float values from each of those 64 sensors that are packed into the little array. It's tiny too, right? They're all packed in there and there's a little lens on top of that that gives them a wider field of view. What else? Distance detection, of course we mentioned. It's useful in these types of applications for things like robotics. If you want to avoid rolling over people's feet and stuff like that, being able to sense heated things is probably a good idea, as well as location detection, like we mentioned. This works over I squared C and it'll work with three volt and five volt boards. And let's see, anything else? I think that's it. So that is, I'm gonna go ahead and shut this off here. Thank you again to C Grover in the chat for the super cool project. Very easy to get that set up. So there it is. I'm gonna swap cameras back over here and remind you again, head on over to this URL if you wanna go and you can watch the live stream inside of there, of course. We're nearly done, but while the live stream is on and only during this live stream, you can get this 50% off on this super cool sensor. So I think that's about going to wrap it up. So that's my product pick of the week. It's the AMG 8833 thermal camera and it's in convenient STEMA QT format. I'm gonna go ahead and pop that onto my little hang tag here and set this on my increasingly crowded STEMA QT board of goodness and great things. Whoa, oh, that one's gonna fall. Don't fall. You stay. Stay. All right, thank you so much. I'm John Park. This is Ben. I'm John Park. This has been JP's product pick of the week and I will see you next time. Thanks everyone. Bye bye.


Ladies and gentlemen, it is my high honor and great privilege to introduce the President of the United States. No, please. You did that once. Well, good morning, and I'm delighted to welcome all of you, even though I'm a bit of a visitor here myself. Before I begin, let me thank Bill Simon and Bill Seidman for their strong leadership in shepherding this idea forward. I know so many of you have given your time and talents during the preparations preceding this conference. We're impressed with the broad diversity of your group. Leaders from management, labor, academia, and government at all levels. Another important point that I think will help us down the road in body and spirit, your group is bipartisan. We're pleased that the conference steering committee included both Senators Bill Roth and Congressman John LaFalz. We come together today in shared appreciation of a basic truth. The challenge of greater productivity growth is of supreme importance to America's future. When we arrived in Washington almost three years ago, we faced a situation unprecedented in post-war history. From 1948 to 1968, productivity in the private economy had risen at an average rate of about 3% a year, providing the American people with one of the highest standards of living in the world. But after 1968, that rate began dropping. By 1979 and 1980, it had actually turned negative as inflation and interest rates reached new thresholds of pain. We know the productivity problem was a paramount concern. We also know what productivity is and why it's so important. I think correspondent Lloyd Dobbins stated it simply and clearly in a documentary he did for NBC in 1980. Productivity, he said, is not some esoteric economic subject. It is how much we produce and how much it takes to produce it. The object is to make more for less. If you do, everyone benefits. What as Bill Simon points out, only through productivity gains can real living standards be improved. And certainly there are plenty of areas in our economy where this is still happening. We think of the American farmer who a century ago toiled all year to feed himself, his family, and a few others. Today, a farmer feeds himself and 77 other people. Being the bread basket for the world, that's productivity. And we think of those first computers which could cost up to a million dollars and were so big they filled a room, a big room. Today, a computer chip that performs the same functions can fit in the palm of your hand and cost under $10. That's productivity too. There's no denying that greater productivity growth is the cornerstone of price stability and sustained economic growth. It's vital to regaining our competitive position in world markets and creating job opportunities for an expanding American labor force. If we can agree on what productivity is and why it's so important, we can also identify certain principles that are present in productive societies. For example, productive societies reward saving, investing, building, and creating rather than consuming. Productive societies do not selfishly tax and spend the product of today's labor without a thought toward tomorrow's needs. Thomas Jefferson, a man of the people in his day, understood this well when he said, A wise and frugal government shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. Productive societies also nourish the spirit of adventure, innovation, and entrepreneurship. And productive societies share common objectives and their leading institutions work together. Business, government, labor, and academia view each other as partners, not adversaries. The late Samuel Gompers, founder of the American Federation of Labor, spoke often for a partnership between labor and management, viewing them as trustees for the preservation of the American free enterprise system. From this, we should agree that there is no single all-encompassing solution for increased productivity. I realize that among some, a perception exists that we need only to work harder and the problem will disappear. And I don't deny there are some sluffers out there. You remember that comment that Pope John allegedly made when he was asked how many people work in the Vatican, and his answer was about half. Well, there's nothing wrong with admonishing people to have a positive and dedicated attitude toward their jobs. But it's just as important to give them the tools, the training, and the proper economic environment to work better and more productively. We need to move on many fronts. We must spur capital formation by encouraging savings, investment, and modernization. We must stimulate adequate research development and technological innovation by appropriate incentives. We must improve our workforce by providing training for solid jobs and encouraging greater cooperation between labor and management. We must sharpen the skills of tomorrow's leaders by improving America's educational system. And yes, we must prevent government from suffocating initiative, innovation, and risk-taking through over-regulation. In sum, we must free enterprise and make no mistake, I believe we can. America is no second-best nation. Our people come from sturdy stock. Our energies have always carried them past their highest dreams. And that's why immediately upon arriving in Washington, we moved to unlock the power and drive of our people. We identified four areas where broad-based reforms were necessary. First, we cut by nearly 40 percent the rate of growth of federal spending. It had been rising at a 17 percent annual rate in 1980. Second, we passed sweeping incentives for individuals and businesses by cutting personal tax rates 25 percent across the board by providing new incentives for IRA and Keo plans and by accelerating depreciation schedules for businesses large and small. And third, under the able leadership of Vice President Bush, we curbed the growth of federal regulations and red tape. The number of proposed new regulations has been reduced by one-third in the past two years. By the end of 1983, the time our citizens spend filling out federal forms and reports will have been cut by over 300 million man-hours annually. Fourth, we have urged the Federal Reserve Board to promote monetary policies that ensure the price stability needed for lasting economic growth. How are we doing? Well, the one statistic that interests us most, productivity is headed in the right direction again. Productivity has gone up the last four consecutive quarters. This week has been a messenger for very good economic news. The recovery is strong, broad-based, and maintaining its momentum without unleashing a deadly new wave of record inflation and interest rates. Housing starts in August. We're at their highest level since December of 1978. The demand for automobiles is outstripping supply. The stock market has set a new closing high. Unemployment is going down. And yesterday we learned the gross national product rose 9.7 percent in the second quarter and is rising by 7 percent in the first estimate in the third quarter. I'll be the first to say we have a long way to go. We face unacceptably large deficits, but let's make one thing very plain. We didn't get those deficits because Americans are undertaxed. We got those deficits because government has overspent. Rather than moan and weep about my stubborn refusal to raise taxes, I urge all those of good will to work with me. Together, let us summon the courage to roll up our sleeves and do the right and proper thing for our country by getting control of federal spending once and for all. This would free more resources for the private sector to invest in productive capital projects. America is moving forward, and we're supplementing our general recovery program with legislation to meet the needs of a more productive society. America needs her best minds to create new miracles of high technology, miracles both for innovation and for modernization of the major areas of our economy and manufacture, agriculture and services. We have enacted the first tax incentive program for research and development. We seek to improve the instruction of science and math in secondary school. We want to encourage greater and more creative cooperation between university and industry, scientists and engineers. And we're attempting to remove legal impediments that prevent inventors from reaping the rewards of their discoveries. Partnership, training, incentives, responsibility, these are the building blocks for a stronger economy, renewed world leadership and a better life for all Americans. Two landmark programs will help lead us there. The Job Training Partnership Act, which is set to begin October 1st, will train more than a million Americans a year for productive, self-sustaining jobs in the private sector. Unlike the old CETA program, which was won primarily by government officials and which often provided little training or trained people for a job that didn't exist, this program will be run primarily by business and labor people at the grassroots, those who know best what training is needed for existing jobs. They'll be part of organizations called PICS, Private Industry Councils, designed to provide training needed right there on Main Street America. Another positive program that we've just introduced is the National Innovation and Productivity Act of 1983. This bill would encourage companies to work together on complex and expensive research and development, stimulating new technologies, new products, more exports, and higher employment. Current antitrust laws often discourage joint research and development efforts. Well, we can't afford to sleepwalk into the 21st century, permitting our competitors to seize the advantage and overtake us. I am confident that Congress will work with us to pass this legislation. We've also proposed to consolidate all U.S. trade functions in one department so we can help them sell their products abroad. Large projected trade deficits underscore the importance of enhancing our producer's ability to compete. American business, labor, and farmers deserve the strongest possible federal representation on trade. As we move in all these areas, we'll eagerly await your own recommendations. As you remember, I appointed the National Productivity Advisory Committee in 1981 assembling a cross-section of distinguished American leaders. Of that committee's 46 recommendations, we have already adopted a significant number. This White House conference on productivity provides a window of opportunity to build on that first committee's work. Many of you attended important preparatory conferences this summer, and we follow them with interest. You discussed how capital, human resources, government, and private sector initiatives all contribute to productivity. Well, we look to you now for new guidance. I have every confidence that this great nation built by pioneers with courage and vision to persevere in the face of great adversity is ready to charge forward again. As one of your fellow citizens, Bill Melberg, recently wrote, opportunities do exist for those who dream, who believe, who work hard, and who willingly take risks. The Constitution does not guarantee success. It guarantees the opportunity to succeed. As Will Rogers put it, America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing. Today's generation must remember that success demands commitment. Thank God we have the freedom to choose. Well, we do, and together we'll choose hope and progress. Passing the torch of freedom to our children and our children's children. I just have to say, just as a reminder of harking back to our continued effort with regard to nonsensical regulations, I had once back out on the mash Potato Circuit, a government example, true and confirmed. And I used it as an example of what needed to be done. I'll tell it to you. This was a fellow here in government who sat at a desk and documents came to his desk and then he forwarded them on to the proper destination, initialed them, and passed them on. And one day a classified document came to his desk, but it came there so he read it, decided where it should go, and initialed it, and passed it on. And a day later it came back to him with an attached memo that said you weren't supposed to see this. Erase your initials and initial the erasure. Thank you very much.