Sorry, I just heard of like a massive sigh from me as I started stream Let's get this nice I'm so hoping this is not in portrait if it is I think I'm just not gonna do because That is so hassle that is so hassle. This is my language. Oh Finally, it works. I think Hello everybody if you're still around. I'm sorry if you've left That's so annoying. My phone is just awful. I had to restart it Can you hear the music and my voice and stuff? Is that all okay? Or should I turn the music down a bit? Let me know if you're here Think I'm alone now Yeah, sorry everyone. This one's working now. So please stick around So silly sorry about this edge here. That's bothering me, but okay Hello one person watching Sorry about the technical hiccups No one's gonna watch me now. Let's fail. So these are my coloring pages. I've done so far This is the first page and the second page Can you just let me know guys if the music's too loud or if I'm loud enough? I might turn it down a little bit possibly Music is fine. Okay, I turn it down slightly, but I'm sure it's okay. I did this page Yesterday and I was quite happy with it as well And I've done a couple pages here that I want to color or try to color. So what I've done is I've scanned them So I've just printed off scans of these two final pages so I can do some color tests The wind just blew my papers and I had a little meltdown in my brain Yeah, so I'm gonna color this one in We'll do tests anyway I've got my pro markers Copics because I'm doing this all with alcohol-based markers and I'm going to be doing Some pencils and stuff over the top. Let's go. I need this. I need my old color pages as a reference Because I'm a dummy who forgets what colors she's used Okay, so these these two lead to this page So when I sort of follow that scheme a little bit Rachel says I have to go to bed. It's 2 a.m. Oh, sorry time different time zones a No sucker. Oh hey Chris How are you? You missed my my meltdown moment of trying to stream and it kept streaming in portrait mode like three times And I think I've lost like 50 subscribers Not really. We're just gonna have a chill stream today and I'm just gonna color in my pages So this is a scan of a final page and I'm just gonna do some color tests on this Hi Stella How are you? How are y'all? Thanks for rejoining if you caught those fails before I Think my phone is just very old. So it was like no, I like portrait mode. You cannot You cannot stream in any other mode So annoying I was like, okay, I'm done with live streams because I feel I felt like Except for the one last week something always goes wrong and it's just Like the fear is real as well Don't want to look like a fool, you know But it doesn't really matter where color on this paper because it's just tests This one's running out slightly which worries me because I like this pen for this this color. I mean I don't know. Oh mint green mint green everyone. That is not the same as you can see This is really organized just like my whole entire green in live stream GB it's time We love your live streams Comic streams cool. Thank you Trying to read the comments. Let me move this piece of paper that was in the way Little cozy streams. Yeah, I misread it all the way around Starts off by driving with this landlord that she doesn't really know when they go into the lighthouse And this is her being it for the first time like inside. I'm too broke for that I know I I am as well. These have been accumulated over the years. Trust me not just bought a load and Haven't just bought a load in a day Also, then my boyfriends as well. We like share art supplies Which is kind of lucky because we're both artists See, I don't know what color I want to make the interior of the lighthouse So I guess it's good that I'm doing this and I've chosen the one that's running out. Good job Good job stuff. The thing is my comic is very All the colors are pretty What's the word I'm looking for pastel colors? Which is a bit strange for a horror comic, but I was thinking it makes sense in That it will get darker as it goes. But also maybe that's quite jarring that it's pastels for horror But then again, maybe I'm just over thinking that like wishful thinking I mean People will find it jarring because I like this color scheme. No, it's not really how things tend to work is it? Is the music loud enough? Do not happen to my voice then Horror with a twist.  It's more Creepy it sticks of you like the visuals. So I'm hoping that this is a little bit creepy rather than Just you know weird Yes, yes, do you know get a coffee and join us? Yeah, it finally worked Gosh that was scary and it's pastels that fell down as well like the worst thing that could have fallen This this stream is cursed and it went all over my page. Look that was creepy Okay, it's a bit windy.  That's okay The light isn't too bad now It's kind of the same isn't it? Do everybody else get a shock because that made me jump out my skin Talking about a horror comic and then pastels of all things crumbly crumbly pastels fall all over your work. I think that's the Oh Breathe stuff, it's fine. It's fine. Nothing happened And these comics fell as well these comics are cool By studio Piau, which I go on about all the time because I love their stuff. They are Probably except for first second my favorite comic publishers Okay, thank you. Thank you house for that the haunted pastels. I know I'm sorry I'm not so bad at English. I'm just typing with sunscreen filled hands or to correct new iPad. Okay That's fine Welcome to the live stream of fails here. So it's fine. Maybe this goes lighter as it gets Think I've made a mistake here. I Really like the way that Primark is layer as well Alcohol markets in general. I just think they need like doing stuff like that Just looks cool for me. I don't know. I think I think so. Maybe you guys think differently, but that's that's fine Everybody can have their different opinions This week. I was just I think Monday to Tuesday. I Was feeling just really terrified of this project like I can't do it, you know in my head I was just like I can't do this whatever I done. This is such a big project and Look it felt totally overwhelmed But then I think it was no Tuesday Afternoon, I just did some Pages and I felt really good about it again, and it was great. I did those coloring tasks and things like that And they just felt really good again. I think it was Tuesday. It looks quite good those colors And I think purple for shadows is kind of cool Fiona you've never tried an alcohol marker. Oh Yeah, yeah sort of missing out. I don't know I Didn't I only tried them in uni and I remember We had this project called a sound sync project where because I did animation in University and the sound sync project you took you had to group up with two people and You had to create like an animation to the music So you had to do like little things like patterns and stuff flowing around and then it had to like Converge into the next person's bits And I remember I'm gonna do like this ball that just gets bigger and different patterns and stuff And I decided to do it in Copic markers That is a young Steph's brain. I was like, yes this thing that needs a thousand frames I'm gonna put color it all in Copics and yeah, I think I'm bored about three different Copics of the same color At the time and especially being a student. I don't know what I was thinking. I just think like that was the first time I used them is my point So I was like, oh, I really like these. I'm gonna make this my animation.   I'm thinking I'm thinking of doing a Kickstarter for it because I've I've had some interest But I obviously wouldn't make it that expensive or anything. I just I don't know. I just it just be nice to do a Kickstarter I think I hope or just do pre-orders or something like that to like pay for the printing and then I can just Ship it out to people If anybody wants it cry, it's basically like if I finish what I will finish it When I finish it It's just gonna be such an achievement for me because it's gonna be the first kind of comic that I've done A full comic like a Beginning and the end kind of project In a long time, which is such a shame because I think that's what if you want to be like a comic artist or something Or an artist and you should be producing Finished work constantly Otherwise you just kind of lose You lose the confidence. I don't know When I had my full-time job It was like I couldn't draw. I couldn't even draw because I was a graphic designer and I would just sit and do Arti work. I don't know why I did that. It is it is arti work Creative work all day and then I wouldn't be drawing and um I just I would just feel tired like I couldn't It would exhaust me. I just wouldn't draw It drawing was very rare for me Which is such a shame because it was you know, it's such a passion And it's something I went to university for and I would draw every day It's like, you know into the night at uni and it's just Such a shame that I let that go for so long and Obviously it can be like, oh, yeah, because I've got a full-time job But that's kind of just excuses, you know what I mean? Like if I if I wanted to draw I should have been drawing So now I'm just like you can do this Making myself. I don't want to smash that. That's weird. Maybe that's the The pastels How's everybody doing anyway? Is it morning at noon or night for you? I'm interested. I think most of my audience must be in Europe right now because Obviously, it's kind of bedtime for everybody over in the americas Hey kitty kitty It's nighttime for you. Whoosh Hope it's not too late. Is it Friday night or Thursday night? Am I being really dumb? It's Thursday night, right? Unless you're I mean, I'm assuming you're in america. Maybe you're not Stella it's morning for me. It's morning for me too. Luckily It's always hard to self motivate. Oh for sure. Um, since I went freelance it's been I think you kind of get in the knack of Making yourself work because before when it's Because you're kind of relying on it and it's you're you're making you're trying to make a career. So If I don't know in australia, yeah, that makes sense that makes sense Oh my gosh, that exact current situation. I'm a graphic designer and barely have time or energy to draw and paint It makes me miserable. Oh, that's who? Oh, I hope you feel better if that sounds horrible Yeah, I've definitely been there and It I I think like you have this pool.   That's so dumb. Of course. They look like pre-markers are the same thing They're just brush markers. Oh my gosh So I'm thinking this color for the stairs, but then maybe they're metal. I think they're metal I think I should know right I don't know what I'm saying. Yeah, so if you if you can make a habit of it that might help But it also it depends what you want to do like I wouldn't be so hard on yourself If you want to be a graphic designer, you don't need to be I mean, it's helpful to draw every day, but you don't need to be so hard on yourself If you're doing that at work you are like you are practicing you are learning different things So don't be so like oh, I should do this this with my life because You're trying your best and that's that's all you can do really Do I want grazed out? I think that looks quite cool Then I would need to make them all gray It's quite nice watching like seeing the live stream myself so I can see The color schemes what they look like on on the On the screen so stupid. You see what they look like on this the screen I quite I really like the effect of just Random colors like it doesn't make sense that they're there Just mark making as my art teachers would say mark making is the best Ashley says that's a great point. I do need to get into the habit of making myself draw Would I'm not feeling motivated, but it's just easier to switch off and watch love island and said Yes, it is definitely It's so hard Maybe you could sketch or draw because that's what I started doing is like doodling in my sketchbook whilst I would watch stuff because it would You know, it would be like something fun. I was doing but also I would be working and Just getting in the habit of enjoying it and not feeling like it's a chore as well helps We put so much pressure on ourselves to be like I have to have this amazing piece of work if I sit down and draw But maybe you just want to put marks and paper and just explore and just enjoy it, you know Depending on the age the stars would be metal or wood Main metal would be an oxidized steel. Maybe why not brown copper? Oh interesting Yeah, I think I think there would be like metal Because this is sort of taken from a reference image of a lighthouse And they had similar stairs to this and they had these holes in them and it was like metal grating So I think it makes sense that metal, but maybe we would as well because maybe they've been patched up over the years Also, I love love island. Um, ashley. I'm not up to date yet. I need to I need to watch it from last night Nice perspective on the stairs. Thank you Hi chris How's it going chris? Is that it full name there on a youtube great? I think I like this style. Um I need to do some like pencils over the top because that's what i'm going for here Is a bit of a textured weird Weird vibe Standard weird vibe The zeta. Hello. It's the french artist. Hello um I don't get that reference I don't remember it Did we have a joke like that last time? I gotta remember my memory is like really bad. So You'll explain it to me. I'm sure ashley Good idea. Thanks for the advice. You're welcome. Hope it helps you a little bit Glad you're also a love island fan. Who's your favorite islander? I love alex and I don't okay Some um Let's tell everybody else the love island is this show in the uk where they put loads of single people together It's like a reality show where they have to find um love.  Everyone's really nice But love islander one's a bit mean and cutthroat, but it's great It's you know trashy tv and I love it and there's this guy on it who is a doctor And he's not bad looking and he's quite he's so nice like he's super nice to everyone and he's quite funny But nobody likes him and I don't get it It sounds scary. It's a little bit. It's a little bit scary, but it's good scary.  Do I mean Pulitzer's? I don't never mind But it's just it's nice It's funny Yeah, Alex is my favorite. He's a doctor and I don't understand Like in my universe When I was younger that would be like, whoa, you're a doctor like that would be amazing, right? You'd think but no apparently not and Yeah, um who else the girls I hate neggan, um Obviously, I think most people do I really like laura and they really really like georgie laura basically got kind of Just a little update for everyone love island update This girl laura was in a relationship with somebody for like a month within the house And he was saying things like oh, I want to marry you and I think I'm falling for you and stuff And then this girl megan was just like I like you and he just ditched laura in like Two seconds it was very mean but then laura just acted like such a lady and she was like You know, I forgive him not him. I forgive her and just Was nice to her and stuff and I think like if that was me I would just be painting the walls red so Kudos to her. I think it takes a very mature brain not to be Um Like thrown out by that or upset by that and then georgie same thing happened to her and she's so cute and like So nice such a loyal friend in the show I'm gonna shout out about the show because I don't think like if you guys don't watch it And even if you do watch it, I'm just repeating the same thing to you that you you already know. So good job Does anybody else watch love island or is it just Us Just me and ashley. I couldn't see what your name was in Deena's back She got her coffee Chris says I'm definitely haunted haunted by you chris I'm not being mean to a random person. That's my boyfriend. I was just saying Fiona I don't even have a tv. Yeah for a while. I didn't have a tv. I remember when we first moved into this flat I didn't have a tv, but I have a laptop and stuff and it didn't really it never bothered me Deena in the house. That's right. Hey deena. Hey, how's your work going deena? Pages are looking awesome. Thank you. Well, this is just um I've said this already, but maybe some people missed it before This is like a scan of the final page Which is this one And I'm just doing color tests on this so I don't have to um In case I ruin it. I don't have to redo all the pencils again, which is probably a plus These are pages that I've already done Obviously, I need to do the typography and stuff Which I am a bit scared to do. I need to sit down and just figure out what typography style I want And I'm going to do it all myself and this is one I did yesterday as well And I really like the thing is I really like the way Like when we're zoomed away from them, they look a bit more simplified. I and then quite pleased with that outcome Yeah Deena said going all right Jumping between cleaning up pages and making a stamp. Oh, yeah the stamp. I like the third one that you showed me I think casey already said that though. So it's fine Are you gonna go with that one? What is the stamp for just like put inside the book and stuff? Ashley totally agree. Alex is a peach. He is He is too good for the show. I don't understand Laura is a queen and Georgia is the nation's sweetheart. That is so true I was really like, I hope Alex and Georgia get together. I know it's never gonna happen But can you imagine they would just win the show? I think Abigail, are you going to make your own font? Yes, I think so More or less It might just be my handwriting But I do I do like a kind of font for My slice of life comic. So I'm thinking of doing something similar to that but more I don't know. I'll I'll have to figure it out really. I have no I have no answers for you Fiona, I love the colors and style. Thank you What stamp? Oh, sorry a secret secret spice Well, Deena did mention it. So it's fine You like that one as well. Do you know that's good Just for sending stuff off I need to create my own font for the cover page Yeah, I mean a good idea is just to I know you probably already know this This is for anybody listening A good idea is to look up Different fonts online and seeing ones that you like and maybe you can imitate ones that you like but add your own layer to them and things Typography can be such a strange thing because I remember When I first started doing graphic design I would do my designs We had to do stuff with typography and obviously the brands that I was working on they had Their specific type faces and different rules. I didn't really necessarily know But when I first started I wouldn't I don't I didn't understand like what was wrong with something and somebody would be like No, that doesn't look right The typeface looks a bit weird there and the kerning and stuff and I'd just be like I don't I can't see it like I couldn't see what was wrong But as I was working there over the years, I think I got a really good understanding of typefaces and What looks good and now if something looks a little bit off On anything I see it really instantly. I'm like that that's really wrong. The spacing's wrong there and you know The different things and just I think that's really cool because I remember a time when I was just like, I don't understand It looks fine It's it says the words. It's fine Have you already considered how you do the cover page? Is that a question for dino? For me because she was talking about the cover page Um, I'm gonna answer it anyway because this is my last room and I'm gonna Know I haven't but maybe that's a question for dina Uh, if you didn't decide on markers and pencils for comic, would you have explored watercolour as an option? Yeah, I definitely was thinking of watercolours as well because um I don't know. I really like watercolours obviously. I do a lot of watercolour stuff on my channel And I was like maybe I should do watercolours, but I think I don't know this just I just preferred this But obviously as you said if I didn't do this then yeah I probably would have done watercolours to be honest And I don't I'm not really sure why I didn't explore that a little bit more because maybe it would have been nice It would have taken less time to colour. I think Oh for me the question was for me. Hooray How do I draw noses? Oh my gosh. I honestly don't know because noses are something that I have such trouble with But I think if I go for like a certain type of nose and a character then I'm like that's the nose We're done That's his nose. I'm done with it.  I like mouths. I like eyes Welcome to the live stream where Steph just lists off body parts Yeah, but noses are hard. I think you just need to study like doing um portraits of people and life drawing and Obviously it's not that relevant here because her nose is just a triangle But you can look at the way other people draw if you struggle with it You can look at the way people draw noses like different cartoons that you like Look at the ones that you like try and imitate them. Obviously privately don't be like this is my work, but You learn stuff if you study other people's work Definitely Especially if it's something you like then you can explore that I'm going on about this question now Somebody say something about Love Island again because that was my jam. Oh, I already answered it.  Because that that's awkward if that's the case Okay, I think that's like the style I want so I'm gonna go ahead and start Doing it on the real one So what you just saw you're gonna see it all over again guys, but real this time Do you know? Oh, I'm in voice chat if you want The thing is I don't know how to do it so I don't hear you twice if that makes sense Because I haven't sorted that out yet. Otherwise I would put you on voice chat I'm sorry. Maybe you can show me how to figure that out later If that makes sense, I don't know if I explain that very well because if I have you on the phone Then maybe people hear it twice on the live stream something like that I can't remember it was an issue last time and I couldn't figure it out So it scared me and I'm scared of doing live streams. So George Williams Hey, I just want to say watching you work through the process of the colleagues super inspiring I'm currently working on my own comic too and it's neat. Oh, that's so cool That's awesome. Um, if you want you can like At me at me on instagram or if you have a work up anywhere I'd like to see it because I read that really like spurs me on if other people are doing the same sort of thing Actually, I'm happy to keep talking about love of Ireland Do you think Jack and Danny will last outside the villa? Uh, yeah, they're like meant to be It's like watching a real-life rom-com Have you grown up in Gibraltar or did you move I moved so I'm an army brat and my dad has Had jobs around the world And we moved to Gibraltar and he decided that he wanted to stay and he became a protocol officer, which is um Like he retired and then he got another job in the army, which is protocol officer which was like arranging Royal visits and like weird stuff like that and parades and things and guest lists and stuff like that um And then he retired for real at the age of 70 I can't remember if this pen is messed um 70 like last year And so what we basically just stayed for 10 10 years. So we've all you know, we've all put down routes here Oh dina. Oh, that's fine. I usually Would just put it on my phone or computer. Yeah, I don't know. I'm Like separate from the phone Yeah, but I don't know how to do it so that they would hear you I I I don't know if I'm making any sense my brain kind of fries on that That situation also I am I don't have a spare phone because I'm filming from my phone And I have my iPad here so I can look at the comments, but I have it muted obviously so you don't hear me twice and then I have Spotify on the playstation over there Maybe next time though because I do want to chat to you on here, which would be nice I just I just need to figure it out All this technology stuff scares me as you can tell by the portrait fiasco that we had earlier Where I couldn't even get my phone to film, right? Yeah, please show me. Um Machania I'm sorry if I said your name wrong. Is that how you say it machania? Throughout the process of making your comic. Is there any advice or tips you would have for others? Especially about style and color schemes Oh, um Well, I think like my videos probably address like a lot of Problems that I might have had. I think the main problem for me Well, this comic was just intimidation, but I'm trying to just push through it Um, you know, just get one panel done at a time. Don't look at the project as a whole Look at it as like, oh, I'll do one page and then I can do another page It's very difficult Not to feel like intimidated by it. I hope that makes sense And I think also like my main takeaway from this would be Definitely get all I mean, I've learned this lesson so many times, but definitely get all your pre the heck do I mean pre designing stages down like to a T so Make sure you're Make sure you've done every step before this final step As well as you can because it all helps to create the final thing But I don't have that made any sense. I'm not very coherent Time for a coffee sip Ashley, I hope so. They're the only drama-free couple Did you hear Danny Dyer's going to the villa to talk to them soon? That would be is he that would be so funny Did you see that clip where he He's in this newsroom, but but it's live and it's Danny Dyer and he's talking about brexit and he's like I can't remember what he's saying, but he's just like swearing about it And it's so funny because it's so awkward. You see like the the newscast people being like Anyway, moving on at Jeremy Corbyn's just randomly there sitting there just looking at him like, yes. Yes. I agree It's really funny. I hope I answered your question. Okay, Mishanya.  Um, I went to university for a long time too long really So I did a foundation course because I wanted to do an animation um Course and then I got rejected from that because I didn't have enough life studies, which was fair enough because In my portfolio because where I came from I had never no one ever It sounds a bit of an excuse for myself, but No one ever told me about life drawing and stuff. I just didn't Hear about it Um, I blame my art teachers, but obviously like if I was really into art, I would have found that stuff out myself um Yeah, I didn't get in the first time So I went and I did a foundation course from the same university which was probably like the best year ever Because the foundation course in the uk was just art and art. You just do different art things for um A year so you do graphic design for like a week um Fine art, you know different subjects illustration animation And I knew I wanted to do animation and but then I was a bit torn between that and graphic design and illustration At the time because you then you you choose which one you want to go into And then you can reapply for the the course that you want like the full free year course So I did that and then I got into the animation course Which was over the moon about and those I did three years of traditional animation, which I absolutely loved I was rubbish at animation, but I absolutely loved it and I loved the people on the course honestly They're like my friends for life type thing So if I was to do it all over again, I probably would just because of them But yeah, I did that and then I decided. Oh my gosh. I haven't had enough schooling So I did a masters in animation solely because I think the the lecturer who's taught the course he was just basically amazing he was He was just um, just the way he would speak to you. You you feel like yes, I can be somebody I Don't know if I'm explaining that very well, but he was like A mentor in an in in a story book like a fantasy book And I was like, I want to do that course because he makes it sound amazing and I did it and I did my graphic novel for a year which Honestly, it was amazing But I think at the time I was just so stressed out because I was trying to find a part-time job at the same time Because my parents they paid for my degree course, but they didn't pay for my master So I was like trying to find a job and I couldn't find one and it was all very stressful time So I felt really like crappy at the time But I'm really glad I did it because I had a year to do My graphic novel one not a year because the first like term you do different courses that he sets up for you But then after that I had like I don't know like six months to just work on comics and I think that was A breakthrough for me because I was like this is what I want to do. I don't want to do animation I want to tell stories. I want to write and I want to do comics and just express myself that way like I always think That I just want to tell stories. That's my main goal in life. That's what I enjoy doing So it doesn't really matter what format, but I really like comics because I like drawing and I like writing So it just it makes sense, right? Sorry, that was a that was a story of my life right there You can just refer refer to me as Shan if it's easier. It is easier of my brain My brain can handle that a little bit better I'm so sad that I need to go. It's my last day in Andalusia and my parents want me to go out on the beach Go to the beach. Enjoy the beach I'll see you next time You I'll keep this up so you can have a look at it If you want to I don't know It's probably nicer to just sit and chat with somebody though Then to watch a live stream later Dina we are very similar in that sense. I think I've come to the same conclusion. I want to tell stories Yeah, definitely You can get lost in it as well. I think that's the fun of it Whereabouts in Andalusia are you GB? It's me Are you near me? This is such a chill stream. Yeah, I hope so. I'm pretty chill now. I think I was pretty panicky when I first started because Obviously everything was going wrong and I was like why is this happening? I just want to chill with you guys I've actually been looking forward to this stream all week because I just like it Just sitting here chatting with you And I think it's going to replace like Friday videos just doing maybe maybe doing a stream in the morning And uh, yeah, I want to do more different stuff to just my horror comic Videos again like do challenges and stuff. Oh, you were in Gibraltar yesterday. Oh, are you the person who was messaging me on Instagram? Because you need your names are different. So maybe you're not You're currently in estipona estipona is nice Go to the beach. It's very nice very hot day as well Oh, sorry Fiona. I am 29. I'm gonna be 30 in um, September Which is like it's always been such a milestone age. So I'm a bit like You know had a had a few uh, not meltdowns, but panics. Yes. I thought you were the same person GB time Because that makes sense. I mean it wouldn't be two people Saying they were in Gibraltar No, that's cool. I'm glad that you're watching my stream But obviously if you have to go that makes sense too because you're on holiday Oh, I didn't color that in properly. Good job Good job Steph Do you more comics we love watching the process? Yeah I do want to like after this. I think I want to finish this quite relatively soon because I always said I'm going to give myself a month and I think it's just a project that I want To see myself complete. So if I finish it soon, I can start on maybe a bigger project I did that wrong Which would be fun Yeah, I want it. I want it. I like doing other videos as well like challenge videos and stuff I know it doesn't get as many views, but I like editing that kind of stuff and I feel like I don't know. It's just fun And some people like it, right? Same as my boyfriend. He's also freaking out.  Do you mean dina?  So maybe you are I made the youtube name when I was 10. Oh, right. Can you not change your youtube name? I thought you could maybe come I enjoy your other videos a lot too. Thank you. That's nice to hear More people just come for the horror comic. They want to get spooked I was planning to do a comic related channel also, but I'm so scared It's scary. I was terrified to do these streams, but you know, once you kind of dive in it's all right It's not as bad as you think He is he is an artist, but he's about about the age as well the same age as me Yeah, it's weird because you're always like whatever It's fine. And then it's approach it starts approaching and you're like Why am I like more all these things that I thought I was going to be by this age and Because I remember when I was like 15 or something I knew I wanted to write stories or at the time I was just into writing a lot And I was like, oh, I'm gonna have my books published by the time I'm 30 Just like jk rowling and all this like silliness And but now I'm like, why haven't I it's just stupid, isn't it as well? I always like to think of it as A lot of people don't make it to 30. So I should be appreciating that I'm 30 not You know, this is silly. Would I ever do the sketchbook slam challenge? You know, I actually looked into buying a sketchbook for it but then I don't know. I think it would just consume all my time and I I don't know if I would learn that much from it. I mean because it's so much. I think you just You're just basically like scribbling at some points on the page, but it would be cool to do it. I think 600 pages so intimidating though, isn't it? I guess that's the point. But yeah Dino gosh, I need to understand what goes through your head when you're 30 because I can't understand him when he is stressed about it Maybe sometimes. Yeah, seven years. You will understand Trust me. I was the same as you. I was like, whatever But it's just a number and then it starts approaching And you're like what what because I think there's so much like the media puts so much emphasis on it Maybe it Gets you. I don't know. I know it's silly. We know it's silly, but let us have our panic. Okay, Dino You don't understand give it seven years I don't think it's silliness, but I think it's just that we don't have realistic expectations when 15 18. Yeah, that's true We all think we're gonna rule the world. Don't we when we're younger Which is fine. You can have hopes and dreams guys Oh, I want to make a sketchbook challenge bit with watercolor studies. That would be cool I would take ages though in Not ages because obviously you only have them up to do it, but that would be hard like a lot of work, right You work quite fast though. Don't you Dino? I think maybe not Space out. Oh my god. You look so much younger. Thank you very much I'm glad that I don't look old I guess Somebody else is gonna be like no way. She looks 40 Oh, not 300 pages, right? Yeah. No, I would die as well. Yeah, that would be awful Did my music stop? No, it's fine The 300 pages um who like I think that's just so much work. It's crazy I have so much respect for people who do that and obviously it's a really interesting It makes a really interesting youtube video to watch But then it's just so much work, isn't it? And I was like thinking do you actually like I would make it specifically that I would focus on stuff that I need to learn about So if I did the sketchbook Slang challenge, I'd be like I have to draw men more men. I have to draw more interiors, you know I'd go out of my comfort zone even more if I did it Yeah, because watercolor can't be weak Can't just be jotted down like ink and stuff I think it can I think it depends like your your approach to it Obviously if you're doing like a very careful painting Of a landscape or something then or portrait or something then obviously not but I do think it it depends on your approach Hello Bart and tricks It doesn't make sense to me Dina, I honestly thought you were my age all this time hilarious I am your age I'm young I'll steal your essence I'm pretty sure I've told you my age before and you were like wow and I was like Oh, she thinks I'm an old woman now because she's so young and free Live in her best life I still am in your head good because I think I think age is just a number, you know as well I'm pretty immature, so Imature like you're immature or something. I did not mean that It's that tile up a bit I think my approach here to this coloring is to just be a bit hack dash and that is this scientific term. Thank you very much About it because I think it adds like a little bit or something to it So if I make the linework quite rigid and then the coloring is like a bit over the place then It makes a nice style. I think Dina, I just forget. Yeah I forget too. I'm 18. I'm 18 years old I'm not going to be 30 in September guys quarter-life crisis Also, I didn't know that you could have a quarter-life crisis until I got to that age And I was like, what am I doing with my life? Am I doing the right thing?   I forget he has seven more years life experience and tells me I'm too naive and vulnerable sometimes Yeah, like You're not like I'm not saying you are but I remember when I was When I was probably like 18 I thought I knew I thought I knew everything. I was like, yeah I know so much. I'm like I'm growing adult now living by herself Don't know what that voice is That was that was me because I hate past me.  It's just so strange. It just happens Times going faster and faster guys Hold on to your memories After that depressing talk I I am though. I'm very optimistic dina. Don't lose that optimism. That is a good trait. Don't don't Don't stamp that out.  I don't think you do. So that's fine Your birthday is in september 2 kitty. That's cool. Mine is the 18th of september Are we are we birthday twins? That would be cool Cal this is terrifying me to get older now. Nah, it's fine. I think as well you have You have so much wisdom guys. So it helps So much wisdom to go with your age I think you could also have wisdom at different ages like Probably there's an 18 year old in the world who's much wiser than me Super close to 16th. Oh my gosh We could have been birthday twins, but we're not Yeah, I don't know why I'm having this existential crisis chat here about birthdays Like I said, we're lucky to make it to this age because lots of people don't so Here's to another 30 years.  I have now wisdom Oh, I have no wisdom Okay. Well, maybe you do The thinking you don't have wisdom is wisdom in itself though Because you realize that you know nothing which most of us do We know nothing we think we know Like when you're younger, you think you know everything. So I think it's wisdom in itself to be like, I don't know a lot I need to learn and you know, that's something that a lot of people can't do Yes, very physical Physiological just got itch on my leg. That was a really good shot, wasn't it? I'm turning 23 next week and I still let feel like I'm 13. Yeah It's just it's so strange as well. They It's okay. This is getting really deep now guys, but I feel like I've just become like a totally different person as well from when I was Because I look at my life in sections like when I was a kid when I was in high school When I was in university and now and I feel like all those times I was just such a different person like obviously There's still those core values of myself, but I feel like I look at my younger self who was at uni and I'm just like you were the worst I don't think I would be friends with me Um, I wasn't a nasty person. I was just stupid, I guess I don't know if that's too harsh harsh selfie Is this the color I used for that? I'll pass you guys I probably would have.  I just I was very naive And I just thought good things would just happen as well Like you just expect good things to happen to you and no, you should go out and work for it kind of thing Do you know I was such a brat when I was 16. I do not blame my sisters for being annoyed with me Yeah, yeah Like we can all look back at ourselves now that we We know more and be like you you were dumb at that age Your hindsight is a wonderful thing, hey I think as long as we just keep learning it helps so just constantly learn and Improve yourself if you can if you're not already perfect Relatable I was I'm the youngest of three sisters and one brother. So Yeah, I think I got away with a lot because I was the youngest though like my sister who's older than me But like would be the youngest if I wasn't born I think she got a lot of like stick because Um, I was the cute one, you know, and she was just like the annoying one and then my My two elder sisters and my brother they all went to boarding school and me and my sister didn't because we were younger And that the time we lived in South Africa. So it made sense for them to go to boarding school So they wouldn't be moving around different schools And yeah, so I don't know why I said that I don't know what my point was So it was just me and her a lot of the time And we hated each other for what I really liked her. She was my older sister and she was super cool And then I would just be like, let me hang out with you and she's like go away And now we hang out because obviously we're adults so it makes sense that we would hang out Yeah, that is a lot of siblings. I know Come from a big family That's why I find rons are relatable in Harry Potter. I feel like I am if I was a Harry Potter character, I'd be Ron He shares a lot of my characteristics laziness For instance, who would you be from the Harry Potter universe? Definitely not the hero Or the smart girl I'd be the uh, the lazy dumb one with a lot of siblings Same there's six of us. Wow. Okay, that's more you win fine It's nice though. It's quite fun having a big family, especially at Christmas time. Now I have five nieces No boys And yeah, I like it. I have no children obviously, but yeah So I'll have children I feel like I want to get another coffee or something because I'll be like, I'm tired today.   He'll like Start scratching on stuff. So I have to go and pick him up and then like stroke him and stuff I think he has like anxiety I think he actually has like a proper issue. So I might need to Maybe take him to the vet or something about it because Because only recently that I thought like hey cats can have anxiety and stuff Which sounds a bit Silly but they can and you can I think I might get like some plugins or something to make him calmer But I also don't know if he's just doing it because he wants to wake us up because he's like you can't sleep So it's either that he has a problem or he's an asshole I'm the only child well They also yeah, I can be envious of that sometimes because sometimes it's just like so annoying Yeah No one's house is big enough for everyone. Yeah, luckily my parents house is quite big but I always seem to get like the sofa If I stay over and everyone's staying over like everyone else gets the room and I just I get the sofa And then I'm like I live I don't I live like 20 minutes away from my parents So I'm like I'm just gonna go home everyone else can stay so I'm always the person who just opts out to not be there Which is kind of sucky But I'm the youngest so I I'm used to that thing of just being like no It's fine. I'll get the the crappy bed and stuff like that whenever we we travel on holidays and stuff I think now that I'm more of an adult they're kind of leewaying and let let me have like some good You know if we go on a holiday together, we get like a big house together or something I would always get like the sofa bed or something crappy, but now they're like Oh, you can have a nice room because I'm an adult so But still when it comes to my parents house, I'm still the person who's like I I won't stay. It's fine Yes, I'm one of seven and Christmas is my favorite when everyone comes home with their significant others And we can all drink loads of wine and play uno That is hashtag relatable Hey, what do we play we play board games as well and they're always hilarious like especially if my dad plays because He's just he's so funny We played like nameless tune and we had to have like these kazoo things where you like blow into it and it makes like sound And you have to like hum a tune with it And the part your partner has to guess it and I was partner with my dad and I think I just had like this really generic Christmas song And he started like humming it with me and like singing it So I was like, yes, that's it and he's just like, I don't know I don't know what you're doing. I was like, no, you've got it. You've got the same It's very funny. I just remember that memory. I think I'll always remember that because it's so frustrating I was like you were just humming it How have you forgotten it? Oh something else I wanted to mention um Not putting anyone on the spot, but In my other video I mentioned a few times. I'm sorry if I mentioned it too much and now I'm mentioning it again, but I updated my patron and I was like hoping that maybe somebody would give me some feedback on the rewards or like stuff, but I guess I guess it's a bit awkward because it If you say like, oh, I've been to your page, but I don't want the rewards Maybe that's like putting people off but honestly, I don't mind because like there's no pressure there Like you totally get it like why some people don't want that kind of thing, but Maybe if you could just look and be like, yeah, it would be something I would be interested in if I wanted it that doesn't make sense, does it? Oh my gosh But yeah, I put that page up for I put this page up blank on there for free And I was like, oh, maybe people could download it and color it if they wanted to just for fun So that's one there if you guys want to take that it's it's free So you can just you don't need to pay anything or anything like that And you don't even need to tell me that you did it just I thought it'd be fun fun thing to add I'm gonna do an update on there later today. I mean need to make it like a primary Objective type thing to update that more prominently I'm gonna do some maybe some private videos on there or maybe like private live streams, but I think like if I did live streams on there, I would have like one person talking to me Which would be a bit awkward.  I think the rewards are cool. I'll do I donate if I had any money. Oh, thank you very much Don't honestly don't worry about it, but it's cool to know That you think the rewards are cool because I was like, oh everyone's just gonna think this is lame Like why am I doing this? Because before I had um, I would set it up to be part of my slice of life comics Um, I go on about this but I did it for a year and a half where I drew a slice of life comic every day Five days a week and I would put them up on patreon and people would have access to that. So that was my past Reward scheme. So it was quite scary changing it because I had like a few people who Obviously had joined to get that reward of the slice of life comic. So changing it up was like They're gonna leave now because they don't want this this other stuff But yeah, I went I I've been going on about this too much anyway in my video before if you guys have seen that Just having a little rant about it. I guess it's because it's like my life.  What does everybody else up to today? Yeah, I have a wish list of all the people I want to support on patreon. Oh, that's cool Yeah, I'm kind of the same. I support like a lot of people Probably like seven like some of my friends and stuff because I like their stuff as well, obviously, but yeah, I obviously like it's It's it's money at the end of the day, isn't it? So it's hard to do for everyone Because I think if I was earning more I'd just be like, yeah, I support I'm just go a bit crazy Sarah I meant to be working What what do you do? What's your job drawing in my hob or not? She journal. I've never heard of that brand. I probably absolutely said that stupidly I'm drawing two before I play some games. Oh, that's cool You in Australia. I can't remember. I think I mentioned um patron and like loads of people left Well, not loads like four people maybe It's just like, yeah, okay, fine. Fine. I will never mention it again Even though I need to Something really cool that happened the other day is I got monetized on youtube, which was like Obviously, I'm not I'm not going to be earning any big bucks anytime soon big bucks lol um But it's just nice to know that I'm going in the right direction because I think that's a sign that People are liking my stuff and they're watching it and things. So that was it was always um, not always a goal, but It became a goal of mine within like the last few months. So I've always been aiming for that as a goal Not because I think like I'm gonna earn any money because I'm probably not gonna earn any money, but It's just nice. It's a nice feeling I'm a typist I work from home. So I get distracted a lot.  I don't sorry if that sounded super ignorant. I'm not sure Fiona it's a japanese daily journal in which people sketch little pics of their day. Oh, that's cool I had a sketch a day journal before and I really liked I'm gonna do this purple and I really enjoyed doing that. I did that for like a few months And now I look back on it and I feel I remember I stopped doing it and I felt Try to fill it in Like a few years after the fact And then again, I stopped and then I tried to do it again I know what's happened here. Yeah, that's um, especially to look back on I always think that about diaries and stuff You can see where your mind was at at that time I remember I came across a diary of mine when I was like must have been about 14 And jeez the melodrama.  Yeah, me. Yeah, it's fun Oh, congrats on getting monetized girl. Thank you Yeah, it's cool feeling Though, you know, it's not going to bring any money And I also think like people might just get annoyed by adverts on my page if I have adverts So I get a bit worried about that but then my boyfriend was like, well, it's the same as Everybody else's youtube. So why would they get annoyed? I was like, I don't know Because it's me. I don't deserve it I need to finish two pages today, but I have horrible concentrations fan. Oh, you can do it Just set a small goal. There's a fly here. No like a small goal Don't be like a need to do this. Just maybe be like, I'm gonna do one Panel and then maybe I can do one more and that kind of helps as well Oh, uh, Sarah says no, not even I type up audio interviews. Basically. Wow, that's exciting That sounds like a fun job. I didn't know that Obviously, I didn't know that was a job because I was like, what does that entail? Yeah, that sounds cool I quite like typing but I like typing stories. So I guess maybe Listening to other people and typing is like hard work, isn't it? That sounds. Yeah, that sounds tough It has a very nice paper watercolor. That's cool. You should get that Dina then for your Your water studies water study watercolor studies.  Yeah, I mean Yeah, I just don't want to do like the hard sell kind of thing to anybody because I don't I know it's like Like people probably want to be a patron of mine, but it's just about money and it's hard So I don't want to be like, yeah, you should give me that look you should look at my page or anything. I don't That's just not me so Also, yeah, I don't feel like anybody should feel obliged to get like do something Be my patron because Obviously unless you want to, you know what I mean, like I don't want to I'm going on about it again.  Okay. Yeah Dina. Yeah, I like ads because I know I support the artists. That's why I don't have ad block. Yeah, same I just let ads like run through sometimes. I'm like just sitting here like, yeah But I don't understand why they don't just make it so you can't skip because I mean obviously like That would be annoying because it's nice to skip them sometimes if it's like a big channel or whatever but in television you You sit and you have to watch five minutes of adverts. So why can't youtube do the same? Especially if it gives the greatest more money to spend doing what they like doing Patron is also hard work. So it's natural to promote it. Yeah, it is. It's like a whole other side thing Especially when you don't have many People on there you can feel like a bit arduous because you're like, oh I'm doing this for like two people but it's fine. I mean, I think I have like quite a few Now so it's quite cool Most of them are my friends but there we go Yeah, no, they probably should be skippable but I guess I mean more of the attitude of the audience should maybe be like, I'll watch this because I guess if you're a youtuber it makes more you you'd understand it more You like yeah, I'll watch it because you understand all the hard work that goes into it, but I guess if you're sitting on like watching TV, you can't really skip ads. So why is it Why should it be so different? I guess that's what I'm trying to say So this has really bothered me. I think that's a bit of the black pastel that dropped And it's just there hanging out So maybe I need to pencil that out of it. Where's my pencil? There it is I didn't feel to say the brand. It was like something Let me go up and see Hobo nochi Hobon aichi God that is so terrible Are you doing color studies or are these the final pages? This is the final page. I did do some color studies here And I don't know why I didn't stick to it Because I prefer that. I think I just got a bit distracted by By the live stream.  I mean not you Looks great so far. Thank you. Thank you very much That is good to know That's fun. I'm really I'm really enjoying it. It's hard work. I look at it every day like How am I gonna complete this like scared? But I need to do it I like it darker better Yeah, I think I do too. It makes more sense that it's dark, right? because It's a horror comic and she's come into this place and I think like a lighthouse Even if it is refurbished would be quite dark inside I don't know why in my head that's always been What I think I can't wait for this to be done though Because not in the sense that I want it done like I want to finish it just to see it all completed will be really really fun I think it's just gonna be so nice to see it Completed for me as as I've said like just finishing stuff has been hard over the past two years, so It's gonna be cool to see it Do I like needable rubbers? Funny story when I was I did art in high school. Obviously for a GCSE which is like a What do I mean? is like the exams that we take in the UK and I did it for my GCSE So I went to the art shop and I bought like a rubber and it was a needable eraser And I was just like, why is this putty like I first using it like what is this? This is not a rubber I'm being like really annoyed with it And then only recently I started using them because I was like, oh it leaves It makes the ink like not rub out so much which is good When you ink something and then the pencils are underneath so if you use a needable eraser over the top it kind of Helps Not rub everything out. So yeah, I like them When I was younger there was a lot of confusion around them because I didn't understand What were they I'm gonna try and answer everybody's Comments on the channel now today because I've left it a long time and I keep being like Oh, I want to answer that person and just kind of forgetting When did I start streaming? Probably like an hour ago I'm not sure Probably gonna stop streaming when my iPad dies So that will be it's a 30 percent now. So we'll see how long that lasts Oh one hour ago. Yeah, that makes sense I think next week I might just do like some random streams whilst I'm working because it's quite nice I want to start streaming on twitch as well, but as you can see I've had issues I'm not bored of you. It's just my my if my iPad dies, then I can't speak to anybody Can I just be sat here my lonesome? Which would suck? I need a better setup to be fair But this is the only way that I can live stream Traditional stuff would twitch be harder. Um, not necessarily. I think just because I've never done a twitch live stream so I don't think firstly. I don't think there'll be anybody there because Obviously, I don't have an audience there, but um I would like to combine twitch and youtube like dina has done in the past Um, but I don't know how Something I have to figure out especially because I'm filming from my phone. I'm not filming from the computer. So I'll be there. Yay dina Hopefully I'll be there chatting with you voice chat instead of So I can figure that out would be better, right? So is it Friday night for most people or Friday morning for most people? I'm going out later for drinks And I'm kind of looking forward to it. I'm kind of into my genotonyx these days, which is a bit weird a sign of my My aging I think because I always used to think genotonic was so gross twitch has stopped allowing multi streams Oh, is it like um, but is it only if you You have something with them like I remember what the deal is if you get sponsored by them or something Because if I'm just like a small channel, I don't think they care, right? I don't know if that's the rules I need to go find my watercolors. Yeah, let's do it. I'm not an affiliate yet. I haven't done the contract yet. Oh, right, okay Oh, that's fine What's not fine? That's kind of lame, isn't it? But what can you do? It's kind of mean of them, isn't it? I mean I understand. I guess there's a lot of legal stuff that goes into it still Let people make that dollar apparently um Twitch is more lucrative than YouTube, I don't know if that's true But also I don't have an audience in there. So it doesn't make sense for me to Do a stream on there. I guess Vodara, hello Vodara, sorry if I say your name's wrong I'm getting a bit hungry now. It's half 12 here Usually eat about 1 p.m. To 2 for my lunch A bit hungry, yeah It's nice to spread yourself on different platforms though in case one gets crazy. Yeah, that's true Shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, right? I'm pretty much on every other platform though Um, just not twitch. Well, I am on twitch, but I don't have like a it's not like a channel. It's just my name Also, my name on there is Steph. So I'd have to like figure out how to change that to the average so people can find me Danny, where are you? I'm in Gibraltar Half 12 here too. So you must be near me Is it hard to get an audience on twitch? Hmm, I don't know to be honest. I haven't really looked into it. I think I think so genuinely because Or it's just it's just doing the whole process all over again unless you can convert people from youtube I would assume Which is kind of a bummer because it takes so long to get an audience on youtube So maybe that would be It all over again unless you have like a giant audience and you're like, hey, I'm over here Good night. Goodbye everyone Bye Shana Shan, I can't remember what you said to call you Here too, I thought it'd be different between Gibraltar and Italy. Oh, yeah, I guess it's on the same Time zone thingy Timeline, I don't know People can find people can find you on a creative page. Oh, yeah I guess so. I guess um youtube is probably harder to find people because You have to get suggested by youtube, but I guess you have to get suggested by Twitch as well, maybe so it's kind of the same same deal, right? Maybe it's easier. I don't know I honestly have no idea because I haven't tried it After this stream, I've got some love island to catch up with Episode last night apparently it was a good. I can't watch it Um, I can watch it live because I found like a stream that streams it but it kind of um I was watching Coco last night with Chris my boyfriend And I didn't want to stop it just to like go watch love island because I felt a bit mean because we find it Finally watched it and I really liked it.  It's like Um, like Dean has suggested it's it's more suspense is more like a thriller It's more like a monster movie, isn't it really? So I think he was fine My heart was racing like the whole time though And that is exactly what I wanted it to be and I thought it was really cool. I really liked it I wouldn't necessarily like it's horror in the sense like it's nasty monsters But I would rate it more as a like a monster movie Then like a horror movie if that makes sense Because it wasn't it wasn't like horrors in the sense that it was like creepy. It was kind of like jump like jumpy and stuff I'm just rambling doesn't make pulling doesn't make any sense. I hope you'd get what I mean Am I making this too dark now? Maggie Megan was on top form last night. Oh typical She's awful She's such an awful person Sorry, I'm gonna read all your comments now I've just noticed the blank speech bubbles. Are you handwriting the dialogue or scanning the pages and do it digitally? I actually don't know. I'm thinking I need more to handwriting because obviously this is all like hand drawn So it would make sense But then there is like probably if I find like a nice typeface then maybe I would do it digitally I'm probably gonna scan all these pages before I start doing the typography just so I can preserve them I'm gonna take these into photoshop anyway and fix up like small small mistakes So where there's like any black overlapping and stuff like that you check for new channels rather often. That's quite cool Maybe I should just join twitch do it, you know I don't know how it will work with my phone setup though. My phone setups a bit lame. I think it's easier Honestly do We're talking about live streaming on twitch by the way if anyone's confused Look at that staircase. Wow. This looks amazing.  So it's not really that And I think I didn't really like the look of the monsters so much like they were quite cool No, they were cool, but I think it would have been cooler if they were you know How an alien they have like the actual rubber suits and stuff That's terrifying, but the cg kind of pulls you out of it. I think because you know that it's cg For me anyway depends on the person doesn't it if you like that kind of stuff, then that's fine But I prefer Like real stuff. I think just looks so much scarier Would have been a bit more iconic maybe in the future Cardboard paid off then. Thank you You think handwritten would look really cool. Yeah, I think I think so I'm going to try and I was saying this before but maybe you went here But I'm going to try and make my own typeface for it Because I've done that before with my slice of life comic Probably sit down and do that at some point like work it all out each what each letter should look like and then Go and draw it later Oh, uh, yeah, I really liked in a quiet place. I thought it was such a good film I'm really glad like glad I watched it Because I I did want to watch it, but I was trying to convince Chris to watch it Because I just I think it's more fun watching that's kind of stuff with someone But he doesn't like that kind of stuff. He doesn't like horror Um, but you know, it was more like a monster movie. So he wasn't Um, it wasn't bad CG. I think it was just Obviously CG, which I think pulls you out of it That's just my opinion like obviously other people wouldn't mind it. That's up to you I was like the threat to be hidden Yeah, I I think like more subtle things are scarier Like whenever usually whenever they reveal like the big big baddie in horror films I'm always a little bit like, okay, whatever like if the fear leaves me Except for when I watched um it that terrified me.  I can't watch that. I don't know why just traded me Maybe an iconic when you can use for multiple comics um Yeah, maybe like if I wanted to do that, then I would just use my slice of life comic though Typography though, so I guess I want to do it a little bit different because it is a horror comic So I wanted it to reflect The style around it my primal because they're running out of it. This is gonna be tragic guys Look at them. They're all running out You know what? I've never seen the Blair Witch No, that's too dark Which is quite strange because I remember it came out when I was really young Not really young but quite young too young to watch it So I never watched it. Um, yeah, I think I should have Should have watched it right now scenes as I like horror I don't know Blair Witch had you shook the first time you watched it Yeah, no because if you remember all the um, I remember the The marketing they had around it that it was a real story And they found like this footage in the woods.  Obviously everybody else like adults adults adults at the time you it was fake But as a kid you were like, no, but maybe it's still real and Like that was such a nasty way to market that because it terrified my young brain So I think that's why I never watched it because I was scared and I remember even I remember, you know, you didn't even watch it and I was scared because I thought it was real because they marketed it as that Does anybody else remember that? I don't know Yeah, that was extra cool. Yeah Fiona I can't watch any horror movies I get terrified and they never leave me plus I don't enjoy being scared Yeah, no fair enough like who I like being scared in the sense that it's like an adrenaline rush and it's I always think that horror is such a great genre in the sense that you can feel real fear for the characters whereas in a lot of other genres you don't really feel that like suspense and stuff and I think it's exciting and it keeps you On the edge of your seat kind of thing and let you know if it's done. Well, it's bad horror then it's just like, okay, they're all gonna die in the end only that's That's what's gonna happen, right? So just you know, there's certain aspects to horror that can be really good And I think like the sick fascination just makes it more interesting I'm not sure. Have I seen hush? Yeah, that was a cool film I remember like I had some friends come over and we watched that all together Hush is basically like she's a death death mute, right? Is that is that PC? Can you say mute? Is that a right? I can't remember if that's okay Oh god, I hope I haven't said something bad.  I can't remember if that is that She she either can't see or she can't hear Good explanation of this movie right guys. Anyway, it's just quite exciting. That was a thriller for sure Is it that's about murderers and stuff Is she can't see him or something I can't remember She can't see him. I can't remember. Yeah, she's deaf mute It's very good. I like that maybe There's a film like that where the person can't see the intruder though But I can't remember the name. Hmm. I don't know Yeah, there's probably a few films out there like that Um, have you seen What's it called house bound that was on my netflix. Anyway, I don't know if it's on your netflix, but that was great. It's um A new zealand film and it was so good. I really enjoyed that and it's like Horror thriller. It's really good I recommend that to everyone because I've seen it like a few times And I remember watching it being like by myself watching it being like this is amazing And then showing it to my best friend and then showing it to my sister, but like watching it with them Again because it was so good got that right amount of suspense and scariness But also like a really good story We're at 19% on the old iPad guys It's been a while since 30 though. So probably got a while left on the stream See here. I made this mark I'm probably gonna have to do something about it in photoshop But I did the staircase like that way and I realized that doesn't make sense because it's supposed to be like curving around the lighthouse So I had to rub that out and then draw it and I'd already drawn all this So I was like, I just have to do something in photoshop about that But maybe it doesn't look so bad. Maybe I can go over it with some stuff here Happy little accidents right guys You feel like you're missing out on so much, but I'm not liking scary things No, that's fine. Like you're not missing out. It's just you don't like it. So If you liked it, then you'd be missing out, right? You're not missing out. You don't like it. It's fine I think like horror films and stuff used to scare me when I was young when I was a kid And then one day I was just like, but they're just films. They just make believe so really like That would be something that I would always say when I was watching it. I'd just be like, no, it's not real And if I ever got scared, I would just like look away from the tv and look at the wall and just be like, this is real life Not not what I'm seeing in the film. It's just a story So I think that really helped me overcome like fear of horror stuff If you don't like it, then don't force yourself to like get into horror stuff I know my sister she used to hate horror films and then suddenly she just went through a phase like last year of just watching horror and just being Like fine with it and enjoying it. So you never know You might enjoy it one day Yes, Bob Ross come through Opinions of watercolour and pencil together um That's fine Why not You can you can do whatever you please. That's the joy of art, right? You can just Do what you want to do experiment I'm so glad this um stream worked out because I remember as I was starting it up It was in portrait mode kept happening and I kept having to restart the stream and I was just so like It was such a horrible feeling It felt like I was being pushed on stage or something and everything like I didn't know any of the lines So I'm really glad that it worked out because I'm really enjoying this live stream with you guys But the point is that it might be real otherwise. It doesn't do anything for you What do you mean? I don't understand. I don't understand It's not real. It's a film Like me. I'm making this horror comic. It's not real. I made it.  That's fine. Like I don't know why I'm going on about it I just think because I was trying to understand your comment Uh half light with demi more that is a movie with a lighthouse and a ghost what I have to watch that I hope I've been like Ripped that off somehow. There's always that fear. I remember my friend had like really bad anxiety about this because she did a story um about like orcs and stuff in the real world like that was her comic And then that movie bright came out when that was like the premise as well and she just felt really awful and it's like obviously like it's scary because You don't know that might happen that you come up with a similar idea and everybody thinks you copied it or something but I also think like everything is original in its own sense like because you've created it Like I also think nothing's original because I think stories are just There's so many formulas to stories. So the way that you tell them could be So similar to something else or the same kind of aspects Because if you think about it Harry Potter is not an original concept Eva. That was the worst witch before that which um you know she Is about a wizarding school in the uk and stuff so but it's like nobody would be Like oh, that's a copy of that because it's a different story. It's a different person doing it's a different take. So There you go I don't know why I said all that. Why did you say that?  Was it just Was it like a nice ghost? Nice ghost I'm glad I wasn't at work once while someone's streaming.  Oh, yeah, I had an idea for a comic similar to Adventure Time and Adventure Time came out and was devastated Oh, you totally shouldn't Should have just gone with it though because whatever you're gonna do is whatever you were going to do would have been different to what they've done Anyway, I think you know like nothing's original for sure like all stories come from Stories of a past like Tolkien like J.R. Tolkien's all all his mythology that he's made up other people have taken and made stories out of so, you know Like nothing's original At this point we've all we've all seen the same story over and over but it's different because it's done by different people You know what I mean? I hope that makes sense Or romantic and nostalgia. I've watched it a long time ago. Okay. I'll look I'll check that out Do you know the name of it or Is it something you watch so long ago that the name is escaped to? What are you up to Dina? Working on the old staff. That's right Dina calling you out Where are you joking? I had an idea similar to yours. So I was worried when you first got started doing it But it turns out that's super different. Yeah, of course. They're gonna be different like unless we unless somebody You know unless I sent you my script and you were like, yep You're doing exactly the same just changing the names and it's it's gonna be different even then like you drawing the Like you probably wouldn't have come even if I gave you my script or something You probably wouldn't have come to the same outcome as I have come. So everything is different Yeah, yeah, just still he'll work and don't call me out. No You're forcing me to be creative. Okay That's good. I mean, I'm pretty sure you were working anyway. Like don't You work hard. I just refilled this pen. I think and I think I just squeezed it all out I might need to do a little quick refill of this pen Before I start using it again This music's kind of all blurring into one, isn't it? I wish I could sit here and listen to whatever music I wanted to I think that's something you can do on twitch Right, you can listen to whatever music and it's fine I'm not sure if I've made that fact up I'm pretty sure people have done that Yes, that's what I do on twitch, but I ended up singing along Yeah, that that would be the case for me because I'm even humming along to this and I don't even know it. I'm like Which is a bit silly When you can't Save the video for us to watch due to copyright Yeah So I'll save this for people to watch but yeah, you can't you can't play music I mean you could do it live, but you can't save it Because obviously obviously it would get a copy right strike Yeah, I don't know. I think it's more due to monetization. I don't think you get in trouble, but I think you do get in trouble if it's like bigger bigger artists Like say if you're playing Rihanna or something they'd be like no You need to take this video down Pretty sure that's the the case you made sense kitty I'm gonna Got 10% left on the iPad guys So I'm probably gonna go even a bit. I know I could just plug it into charge, but My setup is so appalling Okay, there's like a thing here Once the iPad dies, I'm just gonna say bye and I won't be able to read your comments though So if I don't respond as you say something it's at 10% now I could just plug it in I might just plug it in so I don't have to go by its schedule Its own personal schedule over here I'm interested is it is it the same people who've been watching for like the whole thing or is people come and gone? um Because if you've been here the whole time that's dedication You should plug it in. Yeah, maybe I should But I have to take the plug out of my iPhone which is filming and I know that That would cause disaster It would probably just run out of batteries super quick because my phone is a piece of poop It's old and it doesn't like being alive. It likes Running out of battery quite often one day guys. I might have a good setup But today is not that day I arrived a little while ago. Hey Brooke When I said hey to you I've already probably said hi I do have two chargers, but The setup is so that Um, I've got stuff plugged into this plug here So the PlayStation that's playing the music on the tv those are plugged in So I'd have to like there's no other plugs Around I know it I know it sounds like really stupid, but That is my setup at the moment I'm nearly done with this page though. So I guess that would be a good time to call it A day and then see you guys next week for another live stream because I'm pretty hungry as well Get some lunch Don't know why I'm just very hungry today. You see I just refilled this so I'm gonna have to refill that again Probably don't refill it enough the first time but whatever This is kind of the same color just a little bit darker Just ditch the music No, I think I think I'm gonna go because like I'm pretty hung not now but but soon Because we finished this page basically and I'm pretty hungry So I might grab some some lunch Always leave them wanting more, eh? I'm loving how it's looking with the markers. Thank you. Yeah, I'm really enjoying like Sort of experimenting with them as well and doing different marks and stuff Like weird marks that you probably just wouldn't naturally occur Why did this? I don't know why I did this. Why did I do this? I can fix it, but still This is kind of my favorite um shadow color for Copics It's called mauve shadow and I bought a refill of this particular one because I really liked I really like it for shadows. I know it's called mauve shadow. So duh, but I just think it like it just works so well I think it really helps not being so precious about the work as well. I just I always say as well, um It just gives it a little something like a bit of an edge to it that I'm just being a bit more expressive With it Might try horror after all at least this comic. Yeah This comic isn't going to be so scary. I think it's going to be fine Like I I think it's going to be a little bit creepy, but I don't think it's going to be so bad So this is the finished page. I just see if I can show you A little bit closer It's got some type here, but basically she's saying here Oof, it's a long way up and then he's just going to do ellipses like dot dot dot here because he doesn't answer her Because he's a bit of a poop. Yeah That's the final page and I think I'm going to call it for the live stream So thank you so much for everybody who tuned in and commented and stuff It really helps burn me on and I really enjoy chatting to you guys and I'll probably Do another chill stream next week. Hopefully we'll have the same issues that I had this time. Yeah That's the the style I hope you enjoyed watching. Bye guys. Bye See you next week, hopefully


Hello, Svanpanim Shovavim. This is your favorite professor of psychology, minus the hair. Yes, I have sifted through all your complaints, observations and goodwill suggestions as to what to do, but I am afraid this is a hairy situation, and here suit as I am the only solution is to wait, time heals everything, and my hair is a strange propensity to grow with time, so there is still hope for you, if not for me. Today we are going to discuss the God Almighty confusion between intimacy, emotions, sex and attachment. You see, when we were teaching our young to decouple sex from emotions, to engage in emotionless, meaningless sex, to think of sex as the antithesis, the opposite of intimacy, when we did this, we did them a disservice. This created an enormous confusion in the minds of the young, as well as in the minds of the old, the minds of laymen, as well as in the minds of scholars, minds of scholars as to what exactly is the linkage between intimacy, emotions, what is the connection between sex and intimacy, and how does attachment, especially attachment styles, how do they fit into this convoluted picture. My name is Svanpanim and I am the author of Malign and Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited. I am a professor of psychology and your guide into the darkest corners and recesses of the netherworld of the human mind. Stay with me on this tour. So let's start with intimacy. There is no situation more intimate than psychotherapy. In psychotherapy, you encounter a relative stranger and you tell him everything about yourself. You tell him your deepest secrets.  You seek his advice as to how to conduct your life. There is no equivalent level of intimacy with your spouse or even with your best friends. Therapist is by far the most intimate person in your life.  So it seems that intimacy is not necessarily connected to emotions as we were taught to believe early on. And so intimacy is a state of affairs. It is not a state of mind. Intimacy has nothing to do with emotions. Of course, intimacy can be accompanied by emotions, it can be coupled with emotions. But there is intimacy without emotions, emotionless intimacy. Everyone suggests to call it called intimacy and there are emotions which do not lead to intimacy. For example, negative emotions. But even positive emotions such as love don't necessarily lead to intimacy. They could lead to hurt and pain. So the connection between intimacy and emotions is spurious, it's wrong, it's not true. People, for example, can have sex with total strangers without any emotions except maybe some mild affection and modicum of trust, but trust is not an emotion and there is a big debate whether affection is an emotion or a state of mind or a state of affairs.  Sometimes you don't even know the name of the stranger.    Is there any deeper, more profound form of intimacy? If there is, I'm not aware of it. And yet, and yet, sex often comes unaccompanied by emotions, unaccompanied by intimacy, not linked to anything except the physical release and the act itself. Intimacy means doing things together, sleeping together, talking, eating. There could be a huge intimacy in a lunch or a dinner making love. All these are forms of intimacy and they all involve actions, sharing in action, doing something together. But none of these situations necessarily implies, imply or demand the presence of an emotion or in effect, they do not require any affective or emotional correlate. There is intimacy in prison where people are crowded together. There is intimacy, there is intimacy with a prostitute. There is intimacy in a hospital between a patient and her doctor. And as I mentioned, there is intimacy in psychotherapy. All these are intimate but emotionless states. Intimacy in a clinical sense is a state of affairs involving proximity, physical proximity, vulnerability, a display of vulnerability, not being afraid to show vulnerability, in other words, trust and joint activities, life. So these are the three components of intimacy. Vulnerability, vulnerability, joint activity.  Do you find the word emotions in this list? You don't and for good reasons, they are not necessary. They are not strong emotions attached with intimacy necessarily. They can be but it's not a precondition. And so this is the first confusion. I must say that the young people under age 25 or even 35 are the most confused about these issues because they have been taught by us, by my generation, by the baby boomers. They have been taught that sex, intimacy, attachment, emotions, these are totally disparate categories and that they should try to detach one from the other. They should engage in sex without emotions. They should have emotions without sex. They should have intimacy without both and they should attach to people without demanding sex or emotions or intimacy. And this is mayhem. This is total chaos. While intimacy does not require emotions, emotions, positive emotions, which is love, do require intimacy. So it's unidirectional. Emotions should lead to intimacy. Emotionship is not necessarily attached to emotions nor does it often lead to emotions. Same situation, same confusion exists with attachment. People confuse mate selection with attachment style. But these are two separate things. For relationships to work, the attachment styles of both members of the couple ideally should match. Yes, you heard me correctly. Opposites do not attract. If you are, if you end up being in a diet or a couple with your diametrical opposite with someone who doesn't share your values, with someone whose behavior grates on your nerves, the relationship will not last for long. If you can't reach an understanding regarding certain beliefs, certain goals in life, regarding what's appropriate and what is not, your relationship will not survive. Opposites don't attract, or if they do, it's a seriously bad idea. Attachment styles like everything else should match, your values should match, your beliefs should match, your life goals should match, the stage in life that you are in should match, and your attachment styles should match. So attachment style has nothing to do with mate selection. It should inform mate selection. In other words, when you select a mate, you'd better select someone whose attachment style matches yours, but attachment style is not mate selection, nor is it an integral part of mate selection, actually. Impaired mate selection means that you keep choosing the wrong partners, and then you keep going on to having horrible relationships. Freud called it repetition compulsion, Adler called it diathesis. These are very old ideas, and this is the core problem, choosing the wrong partner repeatedly, consistently, and very often the same type. And so it is typically the outcome of bad parental programming. Attachment styles form, are fostered by and gendered in childhood and adolescence.  The attachment between you and your parents is a major influence. If it is bad, if it is dysfunctional, you're likely to develop a dysfunctional attachment style, an insecure attachment style. In our most modern approach to attachment, we divide all attachment styles to two groups, secure and insecure. Most insecure attachment styles are avoidant. Even someone with anxious ambivalent and anxious ambivalent attachment style is still avoidant. An anxious ambivalent attachment style leads to avoidance. This kind of person avoids relationship and intimacy, destroys relationships and intimacy because of anxieties and doubts, including self-doubts. So we have secure and insecure avoidant attachment styles. These are the two families. And the attachment style may inform mate selection in an ideal world, but very often doesn't. So mate selection is an autonomous process. It has to do with archetypes in a way, it has to do with the internalization and interjection of parental figures and other influential role models, including peers. So mate selection is also influenced by evolutionary considerations. For example, women are more likely to choose mates who can provide for them. That's a fact. That's not misogynism. And it's not sexism. It's supported by every single study in the field. Similarly, men are more likely to choose good-looking younger women. That's also a fact, I'm sorry. Chauvinism is a fact, regrettably, a scientific one. And so mate selection is focused around modeling, around types, around archetypes, around economic exigencies, around evolutionary considerations. Mate selection has very little to do with attachment style. Attachment style comes into play much later. If you are very, very self-aware, if you are educated in psychology, and of course if you listen to lectures by Professor Dr. Sambakni, you would know to choose your mate based on your attachment style. But most people don't, as my viewership numbers show. My contribution to this field was to suggest the addition of what I called the flat attachment style. Everyone has an attachment style, but some people have flat attachment. They are incapable of any kind of bonding, or any kind of relatedness to other people at all. Flat attaches regard other people as utterly interchangeable, disposable, replaceable, indispensable. Other people are objects, other people are functions, and flat attaches don't attach to objects and functions, actually very few of us do. When a relationship is over, people go through a period of latency, mourning or grieving the defunct bond, what could have been, and processing the grief, and then there are withdrawal symptoms associated with a breakup. But the flat attachment has no latency. He or she transition instantaneously, smoothly, abruptly, and seamlessly from one insignificant other to the next target.  They fully substitute, and fully substitute a newly found beau, or lover, or mate, or intimate partner in quote unquote, or spouse for the discarded one. They discard you, and they move on to your replacement. The discarded person is considered the equivalent of an expired product, something whose shelf life is over, something someone who is no longer useful. And so it's easy for them to move on, because they're focused on goals. In many respects, flat attachments are a bit psychopathic, indeed, many narcissists on almost all psychopaths are flat attachments. Borderlines, on the other hand, tend to sexualize attachment, as far as a borderline is concerned. Sex and attractiveness are proof of attachment. Sex as we, as we geez abandonment anxiety. Sex reduces, ameliorates and mitigates the borderline's separation in security. She forces and prompts her partner to tell her how attractive she is, how amazing, how unique, how irresistibly sexy. That's her way of kind of testing the waters. Do you still love me? Are you going to abandon me? Am I going to be rejected by you? And of course, attachment has nothing to do with intimacy, intimacy has little to do with emotions. Emotions don't have much to do with sex. Sex doesn't have to do anything with mate selection, or has very little to do with mate selection, etc, etc, etc. This is a god-awful confusion. Confusing this, even in scholarly literature, has led to the blurring of lines and to completely wrong consequences and conclusions. Most of the field of gender studies is founded on these misperceptions, misapprehensions and utter conflations and confusions. A lot of sexology is similarly founded on these simply wrong pseudo-facts. We need to take a hard, long, cold look at the realities of life and how men and women make choices, mate selection choices, sexual choices, attachment choices. Attachment style is considered to be the hand of God, unauthorable, and indeed it's very difficult to change one's attachment style. It's lifelong, it's throughout the lifespan, but it involves choices. While you can control your attachment style, you can control your behavior and you can modify it. So to conflate attachment style with sexuality, for example, leads to disastrous consequences. To conflate sexuality with intimacy similarly degrades intimacy, reduces it into a physical release of a physiological state. To confuse or mix emotions and intimacy renders many intimate situations impossible beyond the pale and wrong while actually intimacy is always good. There's no single situation of intimacy that involves intimacy and that is wrong for you and yet we avoid many intimate situations because we perceive them to be somehow unethical, socially unacceptable, etc. And this is because we associate intimacy with sex and we associate intimacy with emotions and many emotions are forbidden, for example, you're not supposed to love anyone beside your spouse.  These are all confusions. This is all a salad and it borders on a word salad to borrow a phrase from the study of schizophrenia. Okay, I want to read to you something, I want to read to you a comment by Lynn Shaw who is posted today and it captured my attention and my eye because I think it's brilliantly written and encapsulates many of the insights in modern psychology. She wrote, vulnerable women revisit to punish themselves, to bask in the dangerous, non-specific place that is offered to them, thinking that maybe they will be the one to tame the uncommitted. It's not a heartfelt space, it's possibly unresolved trauma. There is no way in for change, just a vast space that is decorated in maybes, almost and couldbes. Each time you self-batter, reducing yourself into yet another unnamed game, starting from scratch each time as if nothing has been previously shared between the union, the need for being seen goes unnoticed because there will always be another, another that will tantalize with their veil of perfection. As they search and search, they leave debris, excusing cold behavior as uncertainty. The other is too much to demanding, not quite evolved. From the new search, previous ties are never broken, freedom doesn't come because the desire to remain bonded in any capacity doesn't allow others to move on, grow, letting go is not permitted and the means to draw you back in with ambiguous stories and bold statements means the link continues. But it's a jaded link, an unnecessary reunion that renders you stuck, repeating and rehashing the nothingness that unveils. No change, no direction, just enough to imagine or reimagine that there's something in the union that may flourish. The freedom of letting go is rich in reality, rich in realizing fully what is and what is not. No longer do you hope or idealize, you simply see, feel and understand the subtleties, that invisible thread that leaves you petrally trapped. Breaking free, says Lin, is cathartic, forgiving is freedom, and then you're released from tardy bonds and imagined connections. Reaching this point is when you experience self-love and eventual freedom, a space where your once disorientated heart finally acknowledges authentic honesty and you lovingly begin to trust your world again. Amazing, extremely well written, I could have said it myself and I'm pissed at myself that I haven't. Okay Shoshoneem, this was today's vignette, look it up.