So today we're going to talk about how women oftentimes chase men in relationships or in the dating process. And I want to check in with everyone and say what I've observed, what happens in these particular cases is that there are some women and men who have gone through a significant divorce in their life. They've had this trauma and they've been unhealed from this. They oftentimes need, not need to, but desire a relationship with someone and then they try to hard. Have you ever, do you have any friends that have experienced that or did you experience that? I have friends that have experienced that. They just want to hurry up and just meet somebody and they don't want to be alone. So they want to, they want to fill the void. Yeah. So now you were saying something to me earlier when we were talking about this is anything is better than their last relationship. What are your thoughts on that? Well, I think that that's, this one friend in particular, she attached to someone that was just not right, but she just thought that this guy was so great because her previous relationship was so awful. Yeah. You know, that I think happens so frequently and what a lot of people don't realize is that for us in midwife, which I always say is midlife is after baby making years and before retirement, there's this belief that just because you're older, you're more mature, you're more emotionally healthy. You know what? I'll tell you what happened to me when I got divorced is that since I never dated when I was younger, I feel like I regressed to being like, you know, a teenager. So I just didn't know how to behave when you meet someone because I just wasn't experienced in that. You know, the other thing I think happened, I totally couldn't, well, I don't relate to that because I had gotten married in my late twenties.  So you really didn't date as an adult, but I think what oftentimes happens is people date with their eyes like they're 20 years old. And what I mean to say, you get when I said, okay, elaborate on that. Okay. So I have a friend that after she got divorced, all the men that she was attracted to were really young and she's like, well, that's what I like. And I said, yeah, but you're older. You're 65. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, but, but you know what I mean? Like she just, she was still attracted to the blonde surfer boy type of guy. Okay, got it, got it, got it. And she wasn't that anymore either. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. I think people date with the eyes of where they were before their marriage, you know, not recognizing where they're at today. And that sounds like a judgment, you know, like, but the reality is, is as we age, we don't look like we did in our 20s, you know, certainly, or do I want to be like I was in my 20s, although I think you got much better looking based on your pictures when you hit 3940. So, which was only a few weeks ago. So today, I want to, I want to differentiate something because there's a lot of dating advice out there that's geared to a younger generation or younger demographic, I should say, that doesn't apply to those of us in midlife.  And I just don't believe that works in our age demographic for a couple reasons. The older people are, the more emotionally messed up they are. I suppose. Okay. Well, come on, you know, but I feel like, yeah, I've gone through a lot, but I also feel that I learned and grew from it. Okay. So, like, so now when, when I see the dysfunction that people are living in, it just boggles my mind.  By the way, folks, I'll just put the link for that really quickly here. Really, tell, share everybody what this is about and why we endorse this. Uh, naked recovery. No, I'm gonna be like naked recovery and naked divorce is a personal development, um, seminars type of thing. They do one-on-one. Um, I went through naked divorce after my divorce because I, I just felt lost and I needed, I needed to feel more grounded. And, um, it was the best thing I ever did for myself. And Adele, she run, she ran, she runs the program. It's, it's her, um, it's her program, but I went and did it one-on-one in person with her, um, but she does do them online. And by the way, there's a link right there and there's a link below. Mention both our names and she's going to give you a little discount if you mentioned our names. Why I'm recommending this is it's so piggybacked what I talk about in my book, what the heck is self-love anyway. Can you see that title? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. And by the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. Why I'm sharing this in this particular topic is that there's a phrase, how can we love another if we don't love ourselves? And when we chase someone, we're oftentimes chasing that need for validation from someone else. And I, I jokingly say, you know, we oftentimes are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me or I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself, you know. And when we can come from a place of our own sovereignty, our self-worth, our self-esteem, our self-respect, self-esteem and our self-respect, we don't chase someone. And what I want to invite everyone to do is rethink the word chase, both for men and women and think of it as in the term of investment. How you can invest in someone. Yeah. Well, I wanted to know as much as I could as quickly as possible so that I didn't waste a lot of time on somebody that was just not compatible to what I'm looking for in a partner. So what do you think unhealthy chasing looks like? Love bombing. Okay. That's a guy doing it with women. Do it too. Yeah. Women love on stalking. I've been stalked before several times. I've had a couple of stalkers in my life sending me pictures that they put my picture on their refrigerator. Oh, tell that story. Oh, that was that was a guy doing it, but we're talking about women. Okay. Tell the story real quick. So it's a guy that we lived in the same town. So we knew who each other, who we were, but I went out with them for breakfast and then agreed to go on a date with them. And then I was busy. I wasn't replying to text messages because I was with my grandchildren. And he sends me a picture you made. He just wrote, you made the fridge. But I, I glanced at it and I'm like, I don't know what that means. And then I realized he had sent a picture as well with these eight by 10 pictures that he had printed and put on his refrigerator. And that was enough for me to say, this is creepy. Yeah, that's a little creepy and that was the end of that. You know, it used to be women would start calling themselves by their last name of their partner. It'd be like you saying Marie as like, like, you know, that's and what I'm jokingly saying that is like trying it on for size and practicing their signature. Yeah, practicing their signature. But what we're really talking about is getting ahead of yourself in the relationship. I think chasing is trying too hard to convince someone to like you. It's over investing using the word investing. And it's also futureizing in a way, you know, and what happens in all these experiences, you get attached to another person before trust is really established in the relationship. Yes. So and since I brought up trust, you know, folks, and we've talked about trust many a time between you and I, is trust isn't about fidelity. It's really about, can I count on this person to be there for me? You know, do they have my best interests at heart? Can I share my deepest secret knowing that this person's going to keep it private? You know, think about it. We're in a culture where we'll have sex way before we ever have trust with someone. But isn't that kind of interesting that we've we've brought in sex down to almost its base, you know, denominator, and it has no value anymore. And okay, so is that is that okay? Well, there are a lot of women that think that sex is important enough to see if they want to invest. Okay, well, I can give credit to that. And men will do the same thing. They want to know if the sex is good to see if they're invest. But I also believe a lot of women give sex way too early, before they've built trust with someone. I can see that. Yeah. So, okay, so we're going to talk about some ways to to operate differently in the dating premise.  But all of this is about investing in yourself about operating from a different mindset. So the first one is instead of focusing on the guy, focus on the relationship you want, focus on the relationship you want. So how is that? Okay, what comes to mind when I say that focus on the guy versus focus on the relationship versus the guy? What comes to mind? I was thinking about my dating profile. It was pretty specific. And so if they contacted me and asked me questions that are answered in that, in that essay, then I know they didn't read the profile and all they did was look at pictures. You mean if they didn't answer the questions? Well, I put I would say what, you know, who I am and what I'm looking for. What are you looking for? But what I'm talking about when a woman is attached to the guy and not evaluating the relationship? Yeah, because a lot of people aren't going based on looks based on status. Yeah, based on, you know, their job, what they do, how much money they have. Yeah, it's interesting. Someone posted a comment on one of my videos and brought up a Matthew Hussey quote and says, attention doesn't equate to intention, attention. So let me share what I think this means. Okay, when a man is giving a woman a lot of attention, she can get attached to that attention, but it doesn't necessarily mean it is intentional. You know, this is like love bombing and texting all the time. You know, by the way, I want to say something about incessant texting really quickly. You and I were watching, but okay, I'm going to throw myself under the bus. We were watching 90 day fiance the other way. Okay. Okay, actually, she turned me on to it. So let's clear about that. Okay, and there was a cup this was the tell all that just came out a few nights ago. And there's this couple who is I'm talking about Chris and Jamie lesbian couple. Yeah, lesbian couple. She by the way, 90 day fiance really quickly. If you don't know the format is these are people that have connected with someone from another country. And for the normal night, the the base show 90 day fiance is they get 90 day visa to come to the United States. And if they don't get married in those 90 days, the person has to go back to their home country. Well, this show is called the other way. In other words, it's getting a visa to go to the other country. I don't even think it's about visas, because they don't talk about that. Okay, over there over to the other country. Well, anyways, it turns out this woman Chris from Alabama or something like I don't know where she was from, went to Columbia. Yeah, it was at Bogota Bogota Columbia met this woman. Now they've been speaking for two years online, spoke incessantly to one another, and they she flew out to Bogota, Columbia, and within nine days got married. Okay. Now shortly thereafter, she had to come back to the United States and she was back in the United States for five months. Basically, right? Well, she was supposed to only come for like a week, a couple weeks. Yeah, couple weeks. Yeah, she was she was in the United States for five months. Okay. And then she goes back to Bogota reconnects with her, her wife, her wife, and they have this major blow up. Okay, why am I bringing this up? She said something to tell I don't know if you remember this but she said I realized I never got I never knew this person. Well, obviously. Okay, but my point is they spent two years talking, you know, FaceTime talking, FaceTime talking, FaceTime talking, and she realized she never really knew this person. Right. And they spent two weeks in person, half of it married. Yeah. And then she goes back and okay so that that's not the point where I'm really getting at is so many couples are spending all their time communicating via their devices via you know, text messaging, telephone call, FaceTime, and it's all surface conversation. They're not really digging into the deeper aspects of getting to know someone. So when this woman said, I realized I didn't know this person.  Can't wait to see you. Can't wait to meet you. Oh my god, I'm looking forward to meet you all. And by the way, there was a communication gap, too. Oh yeah, there was a language barrier. Yes. Yeah. So, so but this happens in the United States all the time. People find themselves attached to somebody really they're attached to a fantasy. And when you're attached to a fantasy, when it's not real, you might find yourself chasing someone who isn't right for you. So I want everybody to do things differently and I'm going to share that with you right now. So we talked about instead of focusing on the guy, focus on the type of relationship you want. That's a great and focus on these four pillars. Yes, there's chemistry, but more importantly shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity. This couple we were speaking to, they were completely emotionally constipated. I mean they were incapable of grown up conversations from what we witnessed. And mind you, this is the TV show. But again, focus on chemistry is important, but shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity. Okay, number two, instead of focusing on having the man prove himself, I want everyone to go forward and treating the relationship as if you're building a friendship with someone. And what I mean to say, I mean I get it, you're going to be kissing and having sex and everything, but treat someone as if you were how you would treat a friend, not from an expectation of gender roles. I think the expectation of gender roles sets us up for failure because ladies expect men to be Prince Charming. And those guys don't exist. Well, you know, I have a friend that is with the partner and yet she's unhappy because she doesn't feel he takes care of her enough. So there was a difference in it? Okay, now does she take care of him? I don't know. Okay, so in all fairness, we don't know, we're hearing one side of the story. But what I said earlier, invest in someone and see if they match your investment. So if you invest in someone and it's here, you know what that space in between is called? No. Drama. You're investing here, he's investing here in that space in between the drama. But in the case of your friend, she thinks she's investing here. The real question is, is she really investing here compared to him? Okay, number three, I think this is really important. It's something you do. I love this about you is show him your playful side, your fur nerdy side. I think women today, I'm going to share this from my perspective coming back to drama.  Well, I smile a lot because I know I look younger.  It's about, I'm not happy with the person I'm with and I think when someone has that energy and I've gone on first date, we're literally, I've walked in and that's what they're projecting.  So have that playful, fun, flirty side and I will tell you, flirting skills, a lot of women and men are terrible at flirting skills. I know men are pretty bad. Well, what about your Matt Hinge? This was a guy that would send me pictures of every bar he was at, of all the drinks he was having. But he had good flirting skills, right? He had good communication skills. He did, but he just, he wasn't any type of commitment type of person. So I only met him once and that was it. Okay. So number four, when I'm saying five ways he'll invest in you, and this is critically important, it's what you embody, my dear, is independence and self-love. Independence and self-love. And this isn't about like self-love isn't like about giving a man space.  And I'm like, no, a relationship is about investing together, but from your place of sovereignty, from that place of self-respect. That's something I appreciate about you. Thank you. So last, but oh, and I, and this also self-love and self-independence is also, I don't need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Okay. And last but not least is vulnerability, vulnerability, at your capacity to express your needs in a way that can be seen, heard, and understood. I think that vulnerability sometimes gets a bad rap. Well, I think I, I get vulnerable because I, I want someone to know me and how you say it, works and all. Yeah, works and all.  But it's also, it's asked, yeah, I'm fully in agreement with that, but vulnerability is partially, it's asking for your needs to be met. I'll give you an example. I'm going to throw myself under the bus here, but on one of our first meetings together, I happen to have a bit of B.O. Oh, yeah. And Marie kindly was vulnerable by sharing with, and when I mean her vulnerability, wasn't that you made the reference that, and you didn't say, I stink, you sit, she simply said, go ahead and say it. That I'm, I'm sorry, but I don't think your deodorant is working for you. Okay. Now, why that was vulnerable was you felt uncomfortable saying it. It was awkward to tell our truth. Folks, vulnerability is really, is overcoming the awkward feeling of speaking our truth. So let me ask you another way you were vulnerable in your life.  Oh, yes. And what did you tell a man during a date? What would you tell a man?  I've really enjoyed our conversation, but I don't want to waste your time or mine because I'm just not feeling that spark. Yeah. Okay. That's a very vulnerable thing to do is to speak your truth to actually express to oneself and whether it's someone you've just met or somebody that you're beginning to form a relationship like what you did with me. Vulnerability actually breeds intimacy. And when you begin to entwine yourself with someone, not on physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy, what that does is build trust. And when both men and women and men need to feel safe, just like women need to feel safe.  And it's not about trusting she'll sleep with someone else. It's like, can I trust her to be my confidant? And I think both you and I have experienced that. So again, ladies, we talked about chasing, bad move. Where does chasing come from? Usually unhealed traumas from past experiences that cause us to become needy with someone else. I'm here to encourage everyone to begin a self-development, personal development, self-help and spiritual practice. So you can find your center. So you don't find yourself chasing someone. You actually begin to operate from your sovereignty. And you can then invest in someone and see if they invest with you. Yes, and I do want to clarify that chasing and making the first move are not one in the same. And that's only because you brought it up. Marie was kind enough to email me first. That's not chasing. She made the effort because I didn't know she would have existed. And by making that, dropping the hanky, if you will, because that's all you did was drop the hanky as an old time way of saying it, it puts you on my radar. And I think you and I, once we met, we both equally invested in each other. Again, I want everyone to think of mutual investment. It's like two cars driving down the street at the same time. Don't expect the guy to be in front and dragging you along. Men want you to be a healthy man. Let me be clear about something, because what I didn't say in this video is emotionally unhealthy men, they love women chasing them. But those guys are trainwrecks anyways. I'm talking about emotionally healthy men want you. He wants to be driving down the street and he wants your car side by side. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is or please let us know. Post a comment below. We'd like to hear your thoughts on this. All right, if you found value in what we've shared so far, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and also hit that bell as well. It's going to be time for Q&A. Those who know my format or our format, if you have a question, write the word question in the chat box and then post your question there after. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the Obey shirt. He's my son who passed away almost five years ago and his honor we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and Seeds of Love. Which is? Which is an orphanage for children that have been abandoned by their parents and they are terminally ill. And it's a Colombian organization. It's in Colombia. It's in Cali, Colombia. And for those of you that know Spanish, it's semillas de amor.com. Lou, speak Spanish again. Will you do your Sofía Reguero for me? No, I will not. I love it when Marie does her Sofía Reguero, but you won't do it for me that often. Anyway, okay, let's take a look at the... I did notice some questions come up. Millie says, excellent video. Holly says, this is resonating. Elena says, this is definitely resonating. Thank you so much, Elena. I appreciate that. So does Leif is in the house. Thank you so much. All right, I saw a question earlier. No way earlier. Come on. I saw one. Okay, Jeannie is one of our members from Midlife Love Mastery. There's a link below to join my private group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis through a Facebook group. It's in the link below called Midlife Love Mastery. Okay, Jeannie writes, I've been talking to a man who's exactly my type and looks. He calls me regularly, regularly, and we were supposed to meet Sunday. He said, but I didn't remember him saying Sunday and made other plans. I texted him and work... Wait, I texted him and work to say hi, and he seemed to stop what he was doing and answers my text. Is that chasing if he calls me regularly? Well, I think they've already established some rapport. Yeah, but it sounds like they haven't met. Okay, so... He pulled back. But she didn't make it to the date. She didn't make it to the date, and now he's pulled back. That's what I... He said, I didn't remember him saying Sunday and made other plans. So she... Well, here's the thing. I'm a little confused. Look, when someone makes a plan for a date, that should be something concrete, right?  Like, I mean, if you're going to set aside... Well, it sounds like he set aside time, and you said you didn't remember. So is that on you? Because I don't think it's on him in this particular case. Now, if he's calling you regularly, hey, be grateful. He's making effort. I would have probably bailed on someone who... If I felt I got blown off on a date, unless there was a genuine apology, I probably wouldn't have made that much effort. So the fact he's making effort, could it be chasing? I don't know. I would certainly... Listen, I don't think it's going to hurt meeting each other. Talk on the phone, schedule a date. You know, just... Would you... By the way, you can prompt it. A woman can prompt it by saying, would you like to go out and meet? Would you like to meet? Have you ever said to a man, would you like... Oh, talk to us about that. That was a mad hint. Oh, tell me about that story then. No, he was... He went everywhere in Chicago, and he would text me, and he would send me pictures of Maastros, and, you know, the foreseasons, whatever.   You want to meet tomorrow? And I'm like, okay. But if I wouldn't have said it, I don't know how long he would have done that, because I was just going to cut him off anyway. That's all he was going to do. Now, I know a few of our followers are going to say, oh my God, Marie is such a chaser, because you did that. Because I did what? Because I said... They said, let's meet. Well, we were talking on the phone. Well, there's so many... You know, I was going to say the word jackasses, but that's not fair. So I won't say it. There are a lot of YouTubers out there that will tell women to... You know, the man has to pursue you, and you just lean in your feminine energy, and he has to do all the work, otherwise it's not going to be of value. And listen, just suggesting to meet, okay, is not chasing. Let's see, I don't even view these meet and greets as a real date. Like I would say that to a friend of mine, or people that I worked with, hey, you want to go grab lunch, or you want to go... It wasn't... I wasn't chasing anybody. I had great friendships. Well, that's why I'm here to encourage women to make the effort to say, hey, would you like to meet? Because listen, there are a lot of dysfunctional men out there. There are a lot of wounded and dysfunctional men. They will waste your time, okay? You don't have time to waste. The days in front of you are the shorter than the days behind you for those of us over 55. Okay, even though you're 26. I've got a much younger woman here. No, we don't have time to mess around. So simply say, do you want to meet? If the guy says yes, you meet, and if the guy dicks around, then focus your attention on someone else. Okay, Wanda writes, for Marie, I asked my friend if he wanted a relationship after nine months. He said no, and he sees me as a friend and wants to see how it goes. I think I should move on and not waste time. What do you think? Absolutely. He's already telling you that he doesn't want a relationship with you. So for you to continue with the expectation that he might change his mind, then you are wasting your time. If he changes his mind, it's going to be on his terms. You're not going to be able to change it for him. So I think you can still maintain a friendship with someone. I would say let go of any attachment to any potential outcome. And Wanda, since you brought this question up several times in the last several videos, I think you're hoping us to say something differently. Sweetheart, do us a favor. Stand in your sovereignty. If a man isn't investing in you, then don't invest in him. And just keep in mind, you magic fairy dust doesn't change a person's desire for you. And let me say this as a man. The minute I met Marie and within 48 hours of meeting her, I was crystal clear. I wanted to explore a relationship with you. It took me 48 hours to have the lightning bolt hit me for sure. But I knew and you know what I'm talking about, right? Okay, folks, after we met, I did a tiny pullback because it can be a little scary when you meet someone you like.  Maybe they don't want me. I'm afraid. It's natural for a man to like someone and pull back a little bit.  And I didn't let you off the hook after that. Does that feel true? Yeah. Okay, all right. So Wanda, I want you to do the same. It's okay to have a friendship with someone. Stop hoping for him to change his mind. Men know very quickly whether they want you or not. Does everyone agree with me? Okay.  Comes back to how we started this video. We have a... By the way, there's just as many emotionally messed up women out there. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm being blunt here. Human beings are riddled with emotional flaws. The number one emotional health issue facing most people, I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And dating and relationships triggers this like nobody's business. So the minute you have someone that likes you a little bit, it's like, I've got to grab onto it because you're afraid it's never going to happen again. Anyway, all right. All right. Um, Suzette, if a man you have previously had a relationship, he dumped me, rejected, reacted. Wait, previous had a... A relationship. Reacted. Because I don't want him back. Do I tell him how he made me feel while we were together or do I just wish him well? I telling him how he made you feel, I don't know what are you trying to accomplish just to get closure for yourself? Just to be able to tell him that he was a jerk, he was this, he was that. I don't know. I don't... He dumped you. Move on. Yeah. So do you remember when you tried to get closure with that significant relationship you had and you tried to have a conversation? Yeah. You suggested it. Yeah. And what... Well, not that particular time, but no, that was just trying to... I'm talking shortly after it ended and you spoke your piece. Did it go on deaf ears? I'm not sure I know which one you're talking about. Oh. You know, it didn't matter. It just didn't matter. See, I think sometimes our ego wants to get the last word in. You know? Like, if we tell this person they're bad, somehow they're going to accept it and change all of a sudden. No. Yeah. I mean, look, I was polite. I was nice. I just... There was nothing else to talk about. And by the way, I did recommend to Marie to reach out to him because there was a significant relationship and it... It backfired. Yeah, it backfired. You know, sometimes you have... By the way, well, you and I both have a relationship with some people that are... That we had a romantic relationship in our lives and they are still... They're like family to each one of us. You have it and even my ex-spouse. And you're ex-spouse. It's like we're family to one another. We have a relationship with exes. But in this particular case, it wasn't going to work. No. So you have to assess the relationships, Suzette, and ask yourself, is it really worth it? So thanks for that question.  Thank you so much. That's very sweet. Okay, what if you meet someone you like, but they travel three weeks out of the month and you prefer to see someone more often? Well, those are your needs. You're the one that has to decide if you're willing to invest in that.  I suspect if I had met you during your travel days, it would have been a nightmare to debut.  A lot of people told me that. Oh, well, lean into that. Share that with everybody. Well, I met one that became a really great friend that went to my gym.  Southeast Asia. And he's like, you know, I just couldn't believe that you were on a dating app when you were traveling so much. And so then when he had said that to me, I made sure that I would turn it off. So in this particular case, he travels three weeks out of the month. I'm going to assume it's work. I'm going to tell you something. I once briefly went out with a woman who was a realtor. I say it right, realtor. How do you say it? Realtor. Realtor. Okay. It was no fun dating a realtor. They're constantly on their phone. They're constantly working. They work weekends. Weekends are busy. Yeah. And this is a person who lived five miles away from me. So here's the thing. You have to decide what type of relationship you want. I said this earlier in the video. Understand, do you want a regular day-in-day-out relationship? In fact, in the case of Marie and I, when we had distance involved, we had 1,800 miles distance. I don't know. Chicago LA. Yeah. 1,842 miles, whatever it is. And I said, look, I want a day-in-day-out relationship. I do not want a long-distance dating dynamic. In our particular case, in the first 100 days, from the moment we met 100 days later, we had physically seen each other 45 times, and then at that point made the decision to move in together. Because we wanted a day-in-day-out relationship. I didn't want a back-and-forth-traveling relationship. I was crystal clear. So in this particular case, Julie, you have to ask yourself, do you want a day-in-day-out relationship, or are you okay with one week a month, which equates to 7 times 12 is how many? Let's see. That's 100 days out of a year. Actually, 100 days out. That's if you spent all seven days together. Let's just assume you spent only two days out of that month together. That's only 24 days out of a year you're spending together. Is that the kind of relationship you want? Oh, you have a retort? No, the other thing is, is this the way it's going to be forever, or is it just for a certain time period? And then you decide if maybe you should wait and see if he ever gets a job that he works and stays home. So one of the things I said in my four pillars earlier, I talked about chemistry, shared values, blendable lifestyles. Okay, folks, everyone needs to recognize this. Take, for example, someone who works during days and someone who has night shifts. Works the night shift. That's going to be hard to blend lives together. I'm not saying it's impossible, but how do you blend lives together? Someone who's raising four young children and the other person's an empty nester. Might be a challenge to blend lives together. Someone has a demanding job where they work 80 hours a week and the other person's retired. You were retired when I met you. Well, one of the things that happened to me is when my marriage ended and I really wasn't sure what I was going to do next, my son and daughter-in-law were having a baby. She worked days, my son worked nights. And I thought to myself, that's going to be a recipe for disaster. And they're a great couple. So you're talking about David. David, yeah. And so I ended up going to Chicago and I thought it's only going to be four months and I'll help them with the baby. And I had my own department help them so that the stress of a new baby and not seeing each other. And he was the stay-at-home dad. Okay. So I was worried about that for them. So even in a case where two people deeply love each other, lifestyle makes a big difference in the success of a relationship and especially in the early stages of building that trust we talked about. So if you're not spending enough significant time together, it's hard to build that trust. And again, be careful of spending all your time on your smart phones building intimacy with someone because that is false or what Esther Perrell called or what she shared in a video called artificial intimacy. I don't think she coined it, but a lot of people who speak mostly on the phone, text messaging, FaceTime, they're experiencing artificial intimacy and it's hard to build trust in that case. So D, thank you so much. Or not D, whoever it was when I wrote that question. All right. We have another question. D, is that spark chemistry felt by both parties? Can it be felt just by one person? I mean, obviously, one person can feel more than the other. One person might be more expressive than the other. You don't know it. Why are you kicking? Okay. So it's an interesting question. First off, the answer is yes, one person can feel more sparked than the other.  I didn't feel like it was this, it was more, and we've said this before, I think in our particular case, our chemistry felt calm. Yeah. It just felt peaceful and easy. So we were both attracted to each other.  I think what we are attracted to in each other is that we feel calm, we feel safe, and I think a lot of people overemphasize chemistry and undervalue comfort, safety, calm, ease. When you can feel that, that's the best relationship to be in. It doesn't have to be off the charts chemistry. Yes, you want to be attracted to each other. I am sure you've dated men way more handsome than me. I didn't date a lot. Oh, come on. Those two or 300 guys? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I made that up. So, but my point is, and I've dated women younger and not as close as I'm attracted to you, but my point is I've had experiences where I thought it was insane chemistry, but it was just lust. But the other thing, I think a lot of women, they like the drama. I have friends that just thrive on drama, on miscommunication, what's he thinking? And they think that's chemistry. Right, right. Well, this idea that butterflies in the stomach is chemistry. Let me lean into this. I want everyone to think, have you ever had butterflies in your stomach? Butterflies is actually anxiety. That feeling of anxiety going on inside of you, and that anxiety comes from a place of uncertainty. So when you're feeling that uncertainty, you're feeling scared, and a lot of people confuse that with chemistry. It's not. It's an unhealthy emotion within oneself because you haven't regulated your emotions to recognize that if the guy didn't text you back in 12 and a half seconds, it doesn't mean he's not into you. And if you ask him five times, why, I think that's a turnoff. That's part of the double chasing thing.  You felt, you're thinking of this weekend. Anyway, all right, and I don't want to get into that. All right, let's keep going here. Jeannie wrote a question again. My question was, is it okay to text him at work if he's been calling me? He said he wants a relationship and loved the same things I want. Is it okay to text him at work? Of course. Yeah, but I'd like to think, be respectful, recognize that if you text him while he's at work, he may not have the capacity to respond back for several hours. So I would text someone towards the latter part of the day or towards the lunchtime that I would while they're at work. Well, it depends on his job, but if you can text him to say, hey, yeah, I'd love to talk to you. You know, I'm available between this and this time. Yeah. Whatever. Say, or can you reach out to me after work? Absolutely, Jeannie. You can do that. Elena says, I love having Marie's perspective. Me too. I like having her on. I have no idea how to pronounce this name, Phelan. Guy Friend from Brief Interlude 25 years ago. Now both available. Talking on the phone for two weeks about five calls. None since Saturday. When do I call him? So today is Tuesday. So that was three days ago. Text him. Hey, just checking in with you. Do you have some time to chat? All right. Would you say that? Yeah. Hey, do you have? How was your weekend? How's your day going? Did you have a good day? By the way, everyone knows I recite something from Seinfeld where Kramer talks about marriage and he says marriage, the conversation is, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. So that seems to be most communication these days for people who are in relationship. They're asking about their days. But in this particular case, hey, how's your day going? Do you have time to chat later tonight? All right. Let's keep going here. Evelyn says, had four dates with a guy, asked me to sleep over, said yes, said I could sleep in his bed or anywhere slept on the couch. Text him if he is angry. No, he said. I made a mistake, right? I don't understand. Had four dates with a guy, asked me to sleep over, said yes, said I could sleep in his bed or anywhere. She sounds like she slept on the couch. Texted him if he is angry. Well, I'm hopefully you guys said goodbye to each other when you left. And he said, no, did I make a mistake? Okay, so I think that, okay, she didn't sleep in his bed.  Now she's wondering, is he mad at her? Will he want to see her again? I don't think, if he's mad at you, then maybe you guys aren't a match. Yeah. I wouldn't, I wouldn't wonder if he is mad. He's the one that- Or angry, she said, yeah, I said that. Eve, if he is angry, he's the one that has to bring it up. Unsurprisingly, he didn't try harder to get her in bed. I know I won't. Folks, I don't profess to be some perfect guy. I'm a guy, okay? We men typically want to have sex. Now we can be gentlemen, too, and respect your choices. And if he's a gentleman and respect your choices of sleeping on the couch, I'm assuming when you woke up in the morning, you didn't bolt out there doing the walk of shame. So I'm going to assume you guys had a conversation and following up, you texted him if he's angry. I don't think you needed to ask that. But my question for you is, did he say he was angry? Because you didn't make a mistake. There are no mistakes. And just remember, a line from my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? Journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. There's a line in my book. Speak your truth, do it with kindness. And if it's in chapter nine is, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. I think that is- I don't know if you had a conversation with it. You have to communicate. And if you explain to him why you prefer to stay on the couch, then he should respect that. You know, it's interesting- You shouldn't be angry. I have- Many of my clients work with me, particularly because I help them with the language, the words to use with the men they're in relationship or they're dating. By the way, if you need some help in support coaching, check out the link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. I love- That's my favorite part of the job, because most humans, you happen to have a good skill set. When we talk about the word communication, most people just vomit words. You actually know how to articulate something, what you're feeling. It's a- You have to understand, you're very blessed with that skill set. Most humans don't know how to- They don't know how to assess their feelings, let alone say it in a way, because her response to him is, she asked if he's angry. That wouldn't have been what I said.  Look forward to seeing you again. That would have been better than making the assumption that he was angry. I'm just- I'm not calling you out here, Evelyn. I just want to invite you to look at things differently. And no, you never make a mistake. Every experience is a learning experience. Anything else? No. Wait, someone says, back on match and frequently asked, what would Marie do? Oh, I love it. Oh, it used to be, before I had you on my channel, it used to be what would Jonathan do? Now it's like they're taking cues from you. All right. Being matched with a successful, known, divorced businessman, beautiful women throw their selves at him. Men and women tell him he's brilliant. How do I flirt and connect without sounding like a fan? Who? That's a hard one, because I kind of was in a position like that. And I just don't participate in something that seems like I'm trying to win somebody over. Did you really? Who? I don't know. Oh. No, I don't want to. Is this one we haven't talked about? No. Okay, got it. Okay. So here's the thing. Well, you even said in the beginning of our first communication, you saw that I was a coach, a speaker and author. You were thinking Tony Robbins, which I'm nothing like Tony Robbins. I'm about eight inches shorter, no, six inches shorter than him. I think that can be a little intimidating. I think, okay. So, well, we talked about George Clooney in a mall not too long ago. Remember that? Yeah.   Unless he's an egomaniac. And if he's an egomaniac, he's like Leonardo DiCaprio. That's not fair. I'll probably get canceled for saying that. I don't know if he's an egomaniac or not. He's certainly not Keanu Reeves. But my point is, is ego, people that are obsessed with success, excuse me, and power and alpha male personalities oftentimes make the worst partners in relationship. So don't believe he's this great guy. He's just a human being. He sits on the toilet just like everybody else. He puts his pants on just like everybody else. Remember, he is no more special than the person that's the janitor at the local high school. Okay. People's success do not make them better people, people that are charitable, people that are of service. I certainly have greater respect for those people, but that success does not equate to being any more special than anyone else. Do you agree? I agree. Okay. Thank you. All right. Millie writes, I've been dating someone for seven years. I asked last month if we could talk about our future. He was super mad and never married, never moved in together to the top of, he wasn't going to split his money. Oh, wow. You know, Millie, I'm going to share something and probably not going to feel good. I don't believe it's healthy to spend seven years dating. Okay. Now, let me be clear. Dating is your period of time to evaluate if it's worth being in a relationship with someone. Okay. So that can take, you know, three to six months. Okay. That you are spending time to get to know someone. And if you haven't agreed to monogamy and exclusivity, at least in somewhere in between the third and six months, you have to evaluate, does this person seriously want a relationship? Then when two people are in relationship, you have to decide. And I think two main choices are living together or getting married. Okay. They eat. I don't want to say they have equal weight, but they're very weighted in commitment. Especially if you sign a lease together. So if it took her seven years to ask the question, that's a long time. I'm assuming that question has been asked before, but his attitude was a jackass. You know, he's not, listen, he's been burned probably, been burned, you know, he didn't want to split his money.  Okay. I think providing is typically in the sense of financial contributions to the relationship and protecting, we think of physical protection against bad guys. I think there's another form of protection that needs to be equally emphasized, and that's emotional protection.  I'm sorry.  But I'm a person who doesn't recognize that you could be attached to this person, then to cavalierly get mad and never marry, and I'm never going to split my money. Do you really want to be with this person? I invite you to ask yourself, and I suspect that's a really hard question to ask because you're probably ridiculously attached to him. I said the word ridiculously, because if you're in yourself respect, you would dump this guy. And I'm being judgmental here. You agree? You can disagree with me. No, I agree. You've invested all this time and now you want something more. There's nothing wrong with wanting more, but he's telling you he doesn't want it. And I don't know, that would make me feel pretty bad that I've invested seven years into this. Yeah. All right, Millie, I hope you stand up and tell him to f off. Only because of the way he acted. I just think that's a jackass move. Okay. Adir City says, I take care of my 90-year-old mother 24-7. She's mobile, just has some memory issues. He likes her. He's using her as a reason for us not proceeding towards marriage. Thoughts. Who's using her? The guy. Oh, using the mother. The mother is the reason. Look. Well, you're taking care of someone 24-7. I mean. It doesn't leave a lot of room. So coming back to the type of relationship you want, I'm going to suspect that he wants a day-in-day-out relationship. So the question becomes, the only type of relationship you can have is if you live together to make a day-in-day-out. Because if you're spending 24-7 taking care of your mother, even though she's mobile, that doesn't leave much time. He's probably wants more out of the relationship. Look, I took care of my parents. I took care of my parents. And I know how difficult that can be. And I was married at the time also and that contributed to the marriage ending. But there are other resources that can help you to free up some time. I know it's really hard when you feel that stress that you're always. But he's using it as an excuse not to proceed towards marriage. Well. Whenever you have an excuse for something else going so well. He doesn't want to move forward with it until sadly your mother passes away. But she could live to be 100. Look at my dad, he's 98. And he just, by the way, my father's 98 just fell and broke his hip, minor fracture. He had surgery and was walking five days later. This guy's Superman. I think he's going to live to be 110. Anyway, but for him to say proceeding, he's using that as an excuse means there's something else going on. I don't know. I don't know that there. Most likely. There could be. But I also, I would put myself in and I have my best friend. His mother is, she has a terminal illness. Oh, that's right. Yeah.  And I can see how somebody would want to hold back and not want to participate in that.  What's worse? Raising young children or raising elderly parents? To me, it was very sad to take care of them, but it was, it was also a privilege to be with them in their final days. Yeah. Okay. All right. Let's see. That was okay. I can't even pronounce this person's name. Situation, ship friends with benefits for three years. It's isn't actions more important than words. His action says he wants a relationship, but his words are that he is not in a financially good place. Thoughts. Okay. Wanting a relationship is not the same. Well, okay. His action says he wants a relationship. So what are his actions? Is he, is he renting an apartment for the two of you? Is he, you're like, what are these actions you're talking about? I'm assuming his words are what you're replacing for the word actions. And he's saying he's not in a good financial place. Well, if he wants a relationship, he's going to do everything he can in his power to make that work. That is, that is the, that's the actions of wanting a relationship. You're going to overcome your financial reasons, financial challenges by saying, hey, maybe we can co-mingle funds together and rent a place together to save on rent. And we can save on gross reason. We can do these types of things, but it's a situation ship for three years. It's friends with benefits. Look at, that's a guy that's been using you. I'm sorry. I'm going to be blunt. By the way, there's a video coming out later this week about being used by men. You know, a lot of men will waste your time doing relationship talk. Do you know what relationship talk is? Well, they, they have you on the hook already. So they're going to do whatever it takes to keep you engaged. They're going to dangle the word relationship. Folks, I want to, I want to dive into something for a second. The word relationship, what does that mean? I have a relationship with my son. I have a relationship with Maria. I have a relationship with my sister. I have a relationship with my best friend. Okay. I have a relationship with the person at the growth, grocery store. I have a relationship with the, my daughter's dog. Yeah. I have a relationship with her or him. Excuse me. Okay. Romantic relationship, there should be, it's more than, okay, the types of relationships I talked about, but more importantly, what are the mechanics of that relationship? How often do you see each other? How often are you physically intimate?  How much are you in teamwork with each other? How much are you partners? The other day, you went and picked up by dry cleaning for me. You know, I went to go to the grocery store, the other day and parked the cars to help the kids. These are all forms of partnership. By the way, that probably made no sense to anyone, but my point is, demonstrating partnership illustrates what a relationship is all about. The word relationship means nothing without the corresponding mechanics to it. What are the day in day? What does it look like? And how are you mutually investing each other?  He's your friend with benefits or you are his friend with benefits. By the way, I say today, dating today is just a long strung out version of friends with benefits. It just means we're going to spend some time together.  You know, there was a reason why people, look at your parents got married in how many days? 12 days. Okay.  Okay. It used to be if a man wanted to get laid, he had to make the ultimate commitment. Okay. Now I know that sounds crass. Okay. But the point is, is you made a commitment to someone and he took care of her till the day he died. Yeah. Actually, you end up taking care of her with your ex-husband. But that's what a relationship is all about. It's like, I want to take care of you. Folks, this is a critical thing to understand. Would you say in our relationship, you can feel for me that I want to take care of you? Yes. Okay. Absolutely. And I can tell you, I feel the same. That is what a relationship is all about. It's, I want you to think. It's not about finances. We're not talking about just money. No, I'm not. No. Well, this guy's saying, or no, that was the other question. Yeah. Never mind. No, he said financially, not in a good place. Oh, okay. But it's not about money. It's like, I take you to the doctor.  I drove you there. I've got to go get dental work. And I'm going to be on no, Valium, you know, you're going to take me there. We're taking care of each other. Folks, it's really important to understand this piece. Being in a fully committed relationship, you know this person is willing to take care of you. That's commitment. You don't have to live together to have that commitment. But I'm going to tell you this, forge a relationship with someone who's willing to invest in teamwork, in partnership, in co-creation. Remember, we talked about earlier what Matt Hussie said, attention doesn't mean intention. The intention is what matters most. So I know his action, you say his actions are relationship. And by the way, I know I'm throwing you under the bus, under the bus a little bit. I'm just making some assumptions here. But it's, his actions have to demonstrate partnership.  Yes, probably. Yeah, it's friends with benefits. Anyways, let's not belabor this one. Okay. All right. Thank you for your question. We really appreciate it. Oh, and Nicole says, move on, Millie. And Holly agrees.  All right. Let's go down. Wow, we have so much here. Catherine W's question. Let me find that. Oh, here we go. Do you have any recommendations for women like me who have to work weekends and usually from midday to around 8 p.m.? The rest of the week in terms of meeting men who can handle this type of schedule. This is a great question. So depending on the man, I know for me, I was very crystal clear before we even met. I wanted a relationship where we could spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional, intimacy that led to either moving in together or getting married. That was the type of relationship I wanted. Okay. Now we had distance involved, so it wasn't going to fit that narrative. So what happened in our particular case is you came out for a visit for four days. Then she came out two weeks later for 12 days and she came out two weeks later for 18 days. And that includes the time I met you. And then I went out to Chicago twice for, I think, cumulatively about a month. We were together for a week and then another three weeks. My point in bringing this up is while I couldn't get the day in, day out, we did spend a lot of time together. Okay. How does that relate to you? For some men, they want a day in, day out relationship. For some men, it's okay that they see you occasionally. The problem with seeing someone occasionally, given your work schedule, it doesn't allow for enough building trust with one another. It puts a lot of pressure on a lot of contact in a short period of time. Okay. But she's available during the week. Well, then he's got his, I'm assuming he works nine to five. He probably wants to go to the gym after work.  You're not really doing the building blocks. Relationships are built through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. If it's difficult to do that, it may be difficult to genuinely bond with one another strong enough to support a relationship. Okay. Does that mean you're screwed? Absolutely not. You just have to find someone who works within your schedule, but recognize to build a healthy relationship, it takes hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours of face to face time doing things together. That's how you build trust with one another. Some people will disagree with me, by the way, but that's just the reality. I'm just pointing out the reality of how what's needed to build trust with one another. All right. Let's keep going. Wait, what is this? Leif says, Matthew Coase, by the way, he's someone I follow every once in a while. I do actually like some of this content. Says, whenever speak louder, listen to that, could be words, could be actions, discern. Okay. All right. Cece writes, how can I get a man to discuss my concerns if he says his actions or things he says are misunderstandings? Like communication there. You know, you don't notice something within human beings. I'm going to try it. What color is this? It is gray. Well, to me, it's light gray. It is light gray. Well, but you said gray. So for a moment, we see things different. Okay. So the problem with communication is context. And what I mean by context is understanding the other person's perspective. Okay. So now you say it's, you said it was gray and then when I said light gray, but that was your perspective in that moment. I'm using color to illustrate this point. I get it. Okay. So, but if I understand your context, like it's important to not only hear words, but the context behind the words. This is where misunderstandings happen because humans have their own filter of the way they view the world and your filter and their filter might be different. You have something this year? No. Okay. I'm just trying to, how I would do that if I felt that someone was a, they're the communication. What I'm trying to communicate is it being received being received. Then it's up to you to, to say it in a different way hopefully they will understand. I've got one for you. You're communicating with a narcissist. Oh, yeah. Good luck with that. By the way, isn't it oftentimes with narcissists, it's always a misunderstanding. That's not what I meant. You know, no, you're getting it wrong. And I'm not suggesting that's the case, CC, but how can I, how can you, but you know what? It's speak from your heart. Just share what you were feeling and, and try to understand each other's perspective and point of view. Okay. I hope that helps. If I had a specific, I could actually give you a specific answer. Okay. Donna, my ex-husband is extremely abusive in multiple ways. He has repeatedly asked me to remarry him. Not. He gets angry. Why does he want to remarry when he clearly hates me? I think that's sad. Well, a lot of men, narcissistic men in particular, don't ever want to go through a divorce. Okay. And they oftentimes have an attachment to that person in an unhealthy way because they treat that person as property. I'm not suggesting that's the case here, Donna. It just could be the case. And so you could dislike someone and still have a attachment towards them or a egomaniac, you know, desire to control another human being. I don't know if that's the case, but my question for you is, why haven't you blocked him on your phone? They might have children. Okay.  And I just got to the point of just learning to hang up. Let them speak for a second, hang up. Let them speak for a second and hang up. But sometimes, you know, you're not going to be the best. The most important thing to do is take care of yourself. Don't worry about why he's doing it. Do what? Okay. When you're on an airplane and the flight attendant says, in the case of cabin pressure change, like the Yeah. Put your mask on. Put your mask on first. By the way, if you were traveling on that Korean airlines the other day, thankfully they were below 700 feet. What was ASEAN? Oh, ASEAN airlines. But in Korea, someone opened a plane door. But anyways, putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. I do these tangents sometimes. Anyways, I hope that helps, Donna. By the way, LEAF is reminding me we are well past an hour. Thank you so much. We'll take one more question. I'll go, hey, let's give some props to LEAF for the $11 Super Sticker. Thank you so much to the the seeds of love we're going to donate to. Thank you so much. All right, let's go to the end. Okay, Brenda. This will be our last one. What is actually chasing a man? Is it sending too many techs seemingly needy or ignoring cues? He's not into you. So when I wrote my book, now my other book. Yeah, you're not used to me talking about this book. This is my first book called Understand Men Now the Relationships Commit to and Why. Now, folks, I just want to be candid. This is a cheesy book. Okay. I'm going to read it. Okay. But there's a there's an illustration called the love pie.  And now we all most of us all know to give 100% into a relationship. It's not 50 50. But the idea of the love pie is give 100% to 49% of the piece of pie. Okay. And what I mean to say is the guy should give 1% more. He's giving 51%. You're giving you're giving 100% to this 49%. Am I making sense? Yes. Okay. Just want to make sure for our audience.   It should be relatively balanced. The scales should be closed, but he should just be doing a little bit more. If you are doing more, oh, you disagree with me. No, I'm not disagreeing, but that there should always be a balance. So if a man is doing a little bit more, I think if you really want this relationship to succeed, you got to be willing to give a little more too. Well, I'm in it. Okay. What I'm talking about, well, coming back to our question, is it chasing? She says, is sending too many text messages? Okay. Well, the question is, if you sent 10 text messages and he sent 10 text message, that's balanced. If you sent nine text message, he should send you 10 text messages. Okay. That's what I'm talking about. Okay. The balance is, it's not you sending 10 text messages and he sent you one. That's an imbalance. He should be doing a little bit more than you. You should never be doing more. However, as Marie says, there's going to be time where I left the place and you cleaned the place. You know, we didn't do everything together. You do more in some areas. I do more in other areas. There's a balance once you're in a fully committed relationship. But in the building stage, just always make sure he does a little bit more. By the way, never do that in front of a guy. But he should just do a little bit more than you. But you know what? What? I think she shouldn't be texting so much. Anyway, I'm not a fan of texting. Yeah. Marie is so not a fan of texting. So by the way, I think these days people spend way too much time on text messaging and not doing the things together that builds a bond within relationships. This is how I text. Yeah. It's terrible to watch her text. By the way, Donna once wrote back and says, thank you both, Jonathan Marie. Love you guys. Yes, Marie. It's very sad. Yes, he's extremely narcissistic, not a well person. No children involved. He had two previous marriages. Okay, if you have no children, then block him. All right. Hey, folks, I think this would be a great place to wrap up. Did you find value in our content today? Never chase a man. Do this instead. Five ways he'll invest in you. I hope you find value in this. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. If you did find value, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to the channel. Please hit the notification bell. And also, if you want to connect with me, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to check out Adele's program called the Naked Divorce Naked Recovery. Mention our name. It's highly worth it. Follow me on Instagram and what else? Oh, and there's my dating vows and everything in the description in the show notes. All right. We're going to wrap up this video as we always do.  Did I get one back? Thank you, sweetheart. And thanks, everyone. Hope you have a fantastic evening. Be well. Oh, I want to say good night to Elena and Holly and Nicole and Kathleen and Julie and Leif and McCoy and Donna and Camille and Jeanie and Gigi and everybody else. T Davis. Have a wonderful evening. Bye now. Bye-bye. Bye.


Factoring, factoring, factoring. Now, I mentioned in the previous video that there is six types of factoring that we're going to talk about, right, two of which we've already talked about. One of them is the, the first one was the GCF and the second was the simple trinomial factor, right. Now, we have four more factoring techniques still to go. The one we're going to talk about right now is the difference of squares. Now, if you haven't, if you don't know how to do the first two types of factoring, which is the GCF and simple trinomial factoring, for sure take a look at series 3A because all I'm going to do right now is just build up from that. There's going to be a little bit of repetition, a little bit of just a reminder of what sort of things are, but it's mainly going to be basically building from what we had before. The difference of squares is the simplest type of factoring there is, but it's, there's a lot of misconception with it, okay. For me it was anyway when I first learned it. Most, the most common, common way that I've seen it presented is a squared minus b squared, right. So you go, it's a squared minus b squared. It's, it's basically the difference of squares. What it means is if two things are subtracted from each other, you can factor them out in the following form. It comes out as, if you have anything, a squared minus b squared. We'll talk about this a little bit further, but it's mainly presented this way. If you have a squared minus b squared, if you want to factor this out, basically meaning you want to break this up into things multiplied together. That's what factoring means. You're going to try to break something up that's got additional subtraction to it, and you're going to have terms multiplying each other to give you the same thing, right. So if you want to break this thing into things multiplied together, what it turns out is, is a minus b brackets times a plus b. Now it doesn't, now it doesn't make a difference if you write down a plus b times a minus b, as long as you're switching between the plus and negative, okay. Now if you want to work this out to make sure that you end up getting this, when you foil this out, what it means is you just go this times this, this times this, this times this, this times this, right.   Negative b times a is going to be negative a b, and negative b times positive b is going to be negative b squared, right. And what happens, what you have here now is a squared plus a b minus a b minus b squared.  So in the end you have a squared minus b squared, and this gives you that back again. Now this is just for the check, okay. If you're factoring this guy, I've seen some people do this, when you know you give them a question say factors something like this, they end up factoring it and then foil it back out again and end up here and they leave this as a final answer. That's not the final answer. If they say factor it, this is the final answer. For the longest time when I first learned about this method, I thought it only worked for things that were perfect squares, okay. That's not the case. This method works for any two things subtracted from each other. So if you have something minus something else, okay, to factor that all you do you say the square root of the first thing minus the square root of the second thing all of it times the square root of the first thing plus the square root of the second thing. So the way you can think about it is a squared minus b squared is the square root of a squared minus the square root of b squared times the square root of a squared plus the square root of b squared. And the square root of a squared is just a, the square root of b squared is just b. The same thing over here, right. So that's why it equals. That's why it equals the square root of a squared minus the square root of b squared. That's why it equals a minus b times 8 plus okay now to make this clear let's go do it with symbols basically squares we said that it's a squared minus b squared and that is again for me was a misconception the best way that I've learned to think about this to remind myself that any two things subtracted from each other you can factor them out into the square of the first thing minus the square of the second thing times the square of the first thing plus the square of the second thing okay and the best way you can do it is just visually think of a square that's what the difference of square means there are two different types of squares okay and squares in mathematics we symbolize it as right if you have one square and square in math a lot of books I've seen the way what they do is square represents you being able to put anything you want in there so you can put anything in here minus another thing two boxes subtracted from each other the difference of squares right two things like that if you get anything and it could be a gigantic term here it could be a gigantic function right you can still factor so you can take two sections of anything and factor I think I want ballistic good colors here it looks a little confusing but anyway if you have two squares there are different squares different things in here in here than it is in here because if they were exactly the same thing that thing which is equal zero right if you simplify them which is equal zero so if you have two different things subtracted from each other it's the square of the first thing minus the square of the second thing times the square of the first thing plus the square of the second thing and that's for anything and there's a lot of questions I've seen for difference of squares where they're really gigantic confusing equations or confusion confusing expressions that they want factor and a lot of people get stuck with them because they they have a hard time grouping things together okay and we'll do a few examples where we're grouping different things together okay so let's just start off with some simple simple examples and continue from there and this method two things subtracted from each other like this two things added together you cannot factor them okay so if you have a box plus a box so if you have two boxes added together if you have two boxes added together you cannot factor this okay and we'll talk about why this is when we start going into the equals sign when we got an equation where this side says equals zero which is what we're really going towards right factoring it's just a tool that we have to be able to solve equations because equations where we want to be those are our models of something or that's our way of calculating whatever it is that we want to calculate right so factoring when it comes up to straight factoring it's just one step a for one step for us to be able to solve equations and to get answers and solving equations means finding our eccentric sense right as we talked about before multiple times right and all of that stuff we talked about in series 3a right so right now let's just go do a few examples of this just just to show how easy it is and it is this this for sure as far as I'm concerned the easiest factoring technique there is and for some reason a lot of people get it wrong because I guess it's it's an assumption for me was an assumption that when they said a squared minus b squared they meant every anything has to be a perfect square not true any two things subtracted from each other even factor thus okay