Chapter 21 of Menors and Rooms. This is a LibriVooks recording. Only LibriVooks recordings are in the public domain. For my information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVooks.org or RG. Recording by Dwarka. Menors and Rooms. Chapter 21. Colonial Atticket. Generally speaking, a ticket is followed in the colonies and in India by English men and women very much as in the mother country as regards its principles, rules and observances. One marked difference occurs in the hours of calling. It is true they were donated by climate. In hot climate, the early morning hours before noon and late evening hours after sunset are according to the fashion of the place the chosen are for calling. But in more temporary times resembling our own the afternoon hours as with us the hours for calling. Again, the rules that residents should call upon newcomers whether they be residents of other resident or intending resident holds equally good both in civilian and military circles alike. In all colonies and dependencies, Government House is the centre of which all society reveries that is to say that all newcomers whether they are to become permanent or temporary resident providing their social position once the action has seemed to make known their arrival by writing their names and addresses in the visitors book kept at each Government House for the purpose. The object of doing this is to receive at Government House and thus to obtain an entrance into the society of the place. What follows upon the social observance, it hardly merits the name of civility such calls being actuated by self-interest in the first instance depends upon a variety of circumstances, the position of the caller and whether the state is to be permanent or temporary whether introductions are brought or not and so on. The invitations extended to them are regulated accordingly. They may be limited to afternoon at homes or receptions, dinners and dances may be included or a visit to the summer resident of Government and his wife may also be reckoned amongst invitations as this letter is not an unusual display of hospitality according to certain individuals. How the Governor of a colony should be addressed by his guests depends upon his rank. As he will present the sovereign, it would be quite correct to address him as Sir as being the most differential mode on Governor as a body rather than to be thus addressed. In the case of a Governor being a Knight, a very unusual contingency it would be equally correct to address him as Sir George and not as Sir. When a Governor has not received Knighthood, he should be addressed as Mr. A. when it is not desired to be too stiff and formal. In conversation, when referring to the Governor, he being present, it should not be the Governor but Lord Blank, Sir George or Mr. A said so and so unless strangers are present before whom it would seem right to be under the formal. In addressing the Governor by letter, the envelope should be directed to his Excellency, Sir George Blank, however friendly its content may be. But when writing to a Governor's wife, it has not been caught right to style her Excellency but simply Lady Blank unless in the case of a voice raised by as in India or Ireland but as against this the point was raised some years ago and it was then decided that the wives of Governors were entitled to be so addressed. Colloquially the members of a Governor's suit refer to both the Governor and his wife as his and her Excellency and style them your Excellency and all who approached him officially being of inferior rank do likewise but socially they are seldom so addressed. A Colonial Bishop should not be actually be styled my Lord or referred to as the Lord Bishop. If it's desired to be quite correct but my Lord or the Lord Bishop is now often used by persons who know it is not the proper style of address but make use of these titles wishing to be more differential than scrupulously correct. In writing to a Colonial Bishop the envelope should be addressed to the Right Rev the Bishop of Dash and the letter commenced Right Rev Sir or Dear Bishop Blank a Colonial Officer who has received the Knight's special permission to retain the title of Honourable which he bore in his colony is accorded at the Court that is at the level Court ball etc. The same President as a Peer's son who is styled Honourable but this does not practically give him any rank or President at ordinary social gatherings where that special grant is unknown or ignored. Also the privilege confers no rank or Presidents upon the wife and daughters of a Colonial Honourable just as the wife of a Right Honourable here has no special Presidents. The title of Honourable cannot continue to be borne by a retired Colonial Officer or a Legislative Counselor unless it has been specially authorized by the sovereign on the recommendation of the Secretary of State for the Colonies End of Chapter 21 Recording by Dwarka Chapter 22 of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Rachel Marie Manners and Rules Chapter 22 Indian Etiquette It is the custom that those who wish to be invited to Government House Vice Regal House at Simla or elsewhere should immediately on arrival write their names in the Visitor's Book kept for that purpose. And they are sure if in general society to be asked to one or more of the receptions held during the season they are introduced to the Vice Queen as the wife of the Vice Roy is termed by one of the aides to camp in waiting. When a lady is the wife of a Government official it gives her a position in society which perhaps she would not otherwise have and is in itself a passport to most functions. Official rank is everything in India. As regards attending the Vice Regal Drawing Rooms they are only held in Calcutta and in the evening. If the lady has been presented at a court in England she can attend a drawing room in Calcutta but if she has not been presented at home she must be introduced by some other lady who has been presented at the Vice Regal Court. In writing unofficially to the Governor General of India it would not be correct to use the title of Vice Roy but our superscription is His Excellency the Right Honourable or if a Duke His Excellency the Duke of or if a Marquis His Excellency the Most Honourable Marquis of etc. To the wife of a Vice Roy the address should be Her Excellency the Duchess of Her Excellency the Marchioness of Her Excellency the Countess of or Her Excellency the Lady Blank if the wife of a Baron when addressing a Vice Roy or Vice Queen colloquially or unofficially Your Excellency should not be used in either case the title only in both instances should be employed on being introduced to either of their Excellencies it would be correct to curtsy End of Chapter 22 Chapter 23 of Manors and Rules This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Andy Glover Manors and Rules Chapter 23 Garden Parties Garden Parties are entertainments that are annually given if the weather is fine the more enjoyable it is for the guests if wet a garden party resolves itself into a large at-home in almost every county a series of garden parties is held by the principal ladies of their respective neighborhoods during August and September nothing but absence from home, illness or some equally good reason being considered sufficient excuse for the non-fulfillment of this social duty the county at large expects to be invited at least once a year to roam about in the beautiful park of the Lord of the Manor to row on the lake to play lawn tennis on the lawn to wander through the winding paths of the shady leafy shrubberies to admire the brilliant hues of the geraniums bedded out on parterre and terrace or the variegated asters or the late glora de Dijon-Roses which at the end of August are in their fullest beauty then there are the conservatories through which to saunter and from which to beat a retreat if the sun is too powerful into the mansion itself the reception rooms being generally thrown open on the occasion of a garden party a garden party is an occasion for offering hospitality to a wide range of guests people whom it would not be convenient to entertain save at this description of gathering invitations are on these occasions freely accorded to ladies from the energetic lady of eighty to the little lady of eight one great advantage offered by a garden party is that it is immaterial to what extent ladies are in the majority and it is a reproach to a county rather than to a hostess if the muster of guests is eighty ladies against twenty gentlemen invitations to a garden party should be issued in the name of the hostess and within three weeks to a week of the date fixed at home cards should be used for this purpose and the words and party should be invariably added after the names of the invited guests croquet or tennis should be printed in one corner of the card the hour three to seven o'clock above the day and the date beneath the name of hostess whether permitting is seldom written upon the card and the guests are expected to arrive even though the afternoon should be showery and overcast and only a thoroughly wet afternoon with no break between the showers should prevent their appearing in the country ladies think little of a drive of ten miles to attend a garden party arrangements for garden parties garden parties or croquet parties are given on different scales of expenditure and the preparations are regulated accordingly when a garden party is given on a small scale and the preparations are comparatively few refreshments should be served in the house for the usual refreshments provided and for the general arrangements see work entitled waiting at table page 82 a good supply of garden chairs and seats should be placed on the lawn and about the grounds rug spread on the grass for those who sit out and several sets of croquet provided for players at large garden parties a band is considered unnecessary adjunct and the band of the regiment quartered in the vicinity is usually available for these occasions a band gives a claw to an outdoor gathering and confers local importance upon it apart from this the strains of a band in liven and entertainment of this description in no little degree the place where the band is stationed is a rallying point for the company and the expense and trouble consequent upon engaging a band are repaid by the amusement it affords the matter of engaging a military band is generally undertaken by the master of the house rather than by the mistress as in the first place the consent of the colonel of the regiment has to be obtained as a matter of form and courtesy before the arrangements are completed with the band master conveyance for the band has also to be provided and discussed with the band master and also refreshments for the bandsmen and these details are more effectually carried out by a host than by a hostess occasionally a large marquee is erected in which to serve refreshments but more frequently the refreshments for the general company are served in the house and only cool drinks dispensed in a tent to the cricketers or lawn tennis players cricket matches are often the raison d'etre of a garden party rendering it popular with both ladies and gentlemen the cricket match in this case generally takes place in a field near to the grounds of the mansion the match commencing about twelve o'clock and the general company arriving about half past three or punctually at four to witness the finish golf now ranks first among fashionable outdoor amusements with both sexes private links are comparatively few but club links exist in almost every neighborhood ladies clubs men's clubs and clubs for both ladies and gentlemen croquet or tennis tournaments are frequently the occasion of giving garden parties and some very exciting play takes place when a tournament is held it takes the form of a garden party it usually lasts two days the arrangements made for holding it depend upon circumstances and it takes place as do archery matches in either private or public grounds amusements when a number of children are expected at a garden party performances of marionettes or punch and Judy or conjuring are given for their amusement in districts remote from town these shows are difficult to obtain therefore amateur showmen come bravely to the rescue and their kindly efforts to divert the juveniles meet with due appreciation on all sides not seldom a little amateur music is given at a garden party not a prearranged program of music to performances these good natured efforts to enliven the company occupy about an hour and such performances take place in either the drawing room or music room of the mansion garden party seldom terminate with a dance though occasionally dancing closes the afternoon's amusements the time occupied by croquet or tennis precludes all desire on the part of the players for further exertion in the shape of dancing and young people apparently prefer playing croquet from three to seven on the lawn to dancing in a marquee or in the drawing room at that hour a host and hostess receive their guests at a garden party on the lawn strangers should be introduced to the hostess by those who have undertaken to bring them to her house and she should shake hands with all comers it is also usual for guests to shake hands with the hostess on departure if opportunity offers for so doing garden parties commits from three thirty to four o'clock and terminate at seven o'clock in making preparations for a garden party stabbling for the carriage horses and motor cars of the numerous guests should be taken into consideration and refreshments provided for the men's servants and chauffeurs public afternoon concerts, bazaars and flower shows are essentially functions frequented by ladies en masse and it is the exception rather than the rule for gentlemen to accompany them again at private afternoon gatherings ladies usually appear unaccompanied by gentlemen when a garden party is a very large function it is not unusual to put the words garden party on the invitation cards in place of the words at home thus the countess of A requests the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. B's company at a garden party on etc End of Chapter 23 Chapter 24 of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Manners and Rules Chapter 24 Town Garden Parties The first garden parties in town are usually given early in June and continue during this and the ensuing month The garden parties at Lambeth Palace and Fullham Palace are the pioneers of the garden party season and the lead is followed by general society with more or less alacrity Town garden parties resolve themselves into large receptions held out of doors and those who know what crowded drawing rooms imply in the sultry days of June are particularly glad of this change of locale and willingly spend an hour or more at one of these out-of-door reunions instead of thinking a quarter of an hour's day all too long within doors where it is a case of heat versus draft and difficult to determine where it is the most objectionable in the drawing room tea room or honest aircase although these functions are designated garden parties yet the real style and title is at homes the address being sufficient indication to the invited guests as to the description of entertainment to be given as the spacious gardens and lawns in and around London where these annual parties are held are well known to society at large a band playing in the grounds where the garden party is given would appear to be a cine quo non but the excellence of the same is merely a question of expanse thus guests have the pleasure of listening to the strains of splendid bands and also the disappointment of hearing others far below the average as this fickle climate of ours is not to be counted upon for 24 hours at a stretch to remain fine it is seldom considered advisable to have the whole of the refreshment tables out of doors and thus only ices, strawberries and cream and ice cups are served out of doors tea, coffee and the rest with ices, strawberries and cream being invariably served within doors refreshment tables out of doors considerably take off the strain from the tables in the tea rooms especially during the first half hour when the great rush is made in this direction again, should heavy rain set in the servants can easily move pails of ice and bowls of strawberries and cream out of harm's way even a large tent or marquee is not considered altogether desirable for refreshments as under a burning sun the air within becomes overheated and oppressive in the case of a downpour the results are almost disastrous the popularity of garden parties is incontestable in propitious weather a variety of reasons can do to this for one thing, movement is so pleasant and exchange from the almost stationary position guests are compelled to take up in a crowded drawing room again, the number of guests invited is so much greater than to an at home that the chance of meeting a corresponding number of friends and acquaintances is troubled or on the other hand if but a few friends should be present among the guests yet the situation does not amount to isolation and boredom and the alternative of sitting under a shady tree or sauntering about on the lawns listening to the strains of the band is positive enjoyment in comparison to sitting in the corner of a drawing room barricaded by a phalanx of ladies or standing wedged in the midst of the same it is small wonder therefore that invitations to these outdoor functions are hailed with satisfaction and pleasure arrivals at a garden party are made almost simultaneously or if not quite this they follow in rapid succession so that host and hostess have a short interval between arrivals and departures and this offers an opportunity to give more than a shake of the hand to many of the guests that is a little friendly conversation while at and at home the hostess has to be at her post from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. as guests arrive continuously even close up to the hour named for departure the host is expected to be present at a garden party and almost always is so but his presence at his wife's at home is left a little doubtful and his absence is often accounted for on the ground of its being unavoidable but the trivial reasons that many men advance to their wives for their non-appearance prove how glad they are to escape or deal on any terms a man in the open air is at his best and therefore a garden party appeals to a host almost as much as it does to a guest although the words at home are in general use when issuing invitations to these functions yet occasionally the words garden party are substituted in lieu of them on the at home cards when the gatherings are unusually large thus by Countess B request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. G's company at a garden party on etc. End of Chapter 24 Chapter 25 of Manors and Rules This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Andy Glover Manors and Rules Chapter 25 Evening Garden Parties The garden party season has been widened out by the introduction of evening garden parties into the list of country festivities and this form of entertainment has found great favor with all invitations are issued on the usual at home cards the hours from 9 to 12 p.m. Occasionally dancing is printed on the cards but not often as it is not usual to combine an evening garden party with a dance except when only young girls and young men are invited some little perplexity is felt by the recipients of evening garden party invitations as to the style of dress that should be worn should ladies wear morning dress or evening dress men are equally in doubt on this point ought they to wear evening dress or not although this is not stated on the invitation cards yet it is tacitly understood that ladies are expected to appear in the usual garden party attire smart pretty dresses and hats or bonnets and small fashionable wraps carried in place of sunshades in the event of the evening air proving somewhat chilly evening dress when worn at one of these at homes looks particularly out of place the thin evening shoes which must of necessity be worn with this style of dress suit neither dewy grass nor stony gravel and although at the evening concerts at the botanic gardens many ladies wear evening dress with smart evening cloaks this is beside the question they go for a short half hour or so not for a three hour stay anyhow at evening garden parties the rule is not to wear evening dress as far as ladies are concerned men on the other hand one and all are expected to do so morning dress being looked upon as out of place on these occasions a light overcoat is inseparable from evening dress therefore it is not considered risky where for men even on the chilliest of summer evenings as to the arrangements for one of these evening garden parties it is usual to have tea and coffee and light refreshments during the whole of the evening from arrival to departure and to give a light supper a little before twelve o'clock the gardens and grounds are illuminated with colored lamps and lanterns extensively or moderately as the case may be a band is considered indispensable but a good one does not seem to be equally imperative to judge from the indifferent performances of various bands heard on the summer evenings however country audiences are not too critical knowing that to engage a good band from a distance entails considerable expense and that evening garden parties would be singularly few if superior music was insisted upon thus the local band is encouraged to do its best and to allow long intervals to elapse between each selection in the case of an evening turning out decidedly wet guests invited from a distance seldom put in an appearance while the near neighbors do so and the evening garden party becomes an evening reception within doors shorn of its numbers it is true but a pleasant gathering nevertheless especially with those who know how to make the best of a contra ton caused by unpropitious weather End of Chapter 25 Chapter 26 of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Manners and Rules Chapter 26 Luncheons Invitations to luncheon are very much the order of the day in fashionable society Those who look back some few years remark the importance now accorded to this midday meal and contrast it with the past The lateness of the dinner hour in a measure accounts for the position now taken by luncheon in the day's program joined to the fact that it offers another opportunity for social gatherings and as the prevailing idea seems to be to crowd into one day as much amusement and variety and change as possible Invitations to luncheon have become one of the features of social life Invitations to public luncheons are not now confined to the celebration of local and civic events but take a far wider range and are given on every available opportunity when the occasion can be made to serve for assembling a large party of ladies and gentlemen Luncheon is by some considered to be rather a ladies meal than not although in reality invitations are given as frequently to the one sex as to the other Yet the predominance of ladies at luncheon is due to the fact that the majority of gentlemen are too much occupied at this hour to be at liberty to accept invitations to luncheon while others, more idle, breakfast at so late an hour that to them a two o'clock luncheon is a farce as far as eating is concerned Outside of those who are busy men and those who are idle men and consequently late risers there is another semi-occupied class of men who are always amenable to an invitation to luncheon This institution of luncheon is invaluable to people who have many friends, acquaintances and relations to entertain as invitations to this meal are given for every day in the week with or without ceremony, with long notice or short notice or on the spur of the moment Ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far more than at a dinner party At the former meal she makes general conversation with her guests on both sides of the table At the latter she is monopolized by her immediate neighbors by the gentleman who takes her down to dinner and by the one who sits at her right hand while she leaves her guests to be entertained by the gentleman who take them into dinner At luncheon things are different There is no going in to luncheon conventionally speaking save on official and public occasions Luncheon occupies a prominent place in the round of hospitalities invitations to luncheon are not formally issued on invitation cards unless some a special reason exists for giving a large luncheon party in which case it takes rank as an entertainment Large luncheon parties are given on occasions such as long tennis tournaments long tennis parties, archery parties, cricket matches and bazaars, etc Semi-official luncheons are given on the occasion of laying the foundation stone of a church or public building, etc This class of luncheon is beside the question as it is rather a banquet than a luncheon for which printed cards of invitation are issued General society invitations to luncheon are issued by written notes or are verbally given according to circumstances Invitations to luncheon A week's notice is the longest usually given Very little notice being considered requisite Many hostesses give their friends carte blanche invitations to luncheon Ladies as a rule seldom avail themselves of this façon de parler, as they consider it and prefer to await a more direct form of invitation Gentlemen, on the contrary, are expected to avail themselves of this proffered hospitality without ceremony as the presence of a gentleman visitor at luncheon is considered an acquisition the reason perhaps being that ladies are usually in the majority at luncheon and also that the unexpected arrival of one or two ladies would call for a greater amount of attention on the part of a hostess seated at luncheon than would the unexpected arrival of gentlemen Ladies requiring a special attention to be shown to them in the matter of a place, a table, etc While gentlemen are ready to offer attention instead of requiring it meant to take any place at table, whether convenient or otherwise As a rule, the number of ladies present at luncheon greatly exceeds the number of gentlemen present unless at a luncheon party, when a hostess usually endeavors to equalize the numbers as far as possible But it is not imperative for her to do this and it is immaterial whether there are as many gentlemen as ladies present at luncheon or not Luncheon is a very useful institution to a mistress of a house as it enables her to show a considerable amount of civility to her friends and acquaintances She can invite to luncheon those it might not, for various reasons, be convenient to invite to dinner as, for instance, young ladies, single ladies, elderly ladies, ladies coming to town or into the neighborhood for a few days only, and so on The usual rule in houses where there are children old enough to do so is for the children to dine at luncheon with their governess whether there are guests present or not In town the usual hour for luncheon is one-thirty to two o'clock In the country it is generally half an hour earlier The guests are expected to arrive within ten minutes of the hour named in the invitation as although punctuality is not imperative, it is very desirable A guest, on his or her arrival at a house, should not if previously invited inquire if the mistress of the house is at home but should say on the servant opening the door Mrs. A. expects me to luncheon When the guests are self-invited they should inquire if the mistress of the house is at home Guests are conducted to the drawing-room before luncheon The servant precedes them as at morning calls When guests arrive after the hour named for luncheon they should be at once ushered into the dining-room and their names announced When the guests are unacquainted with each other the hostess should make a sort of general introduction or introductions that is to say she should introduce one gentleman to two or three ladies thus Mr. A., Mrs. B., Mrs. C., and Mrs. D. Making but one introduction in place of three separate introductions this being the less formal mode of making unimportant introductions It is not always possible for a host to be present at luncheon owing to occupation and engagements but courtesy to his wife's guests demands his presence when practicable He should either join them in the drawing-room or in the dining-room according to his convenience Guests are not sent in to luncheon as they are to dinner Ladies should not remove their hats at luncheon They should remove their fur coats and wraps These should either be left in the hall on arrival or taken off in the drawing-room or dining-room Short gloves should be removed Elbow gloves may be retained Gentlemen should not take their hats with them into the drawing-room but should leave them in the hall Ten minutes is the usual time allowed between the arrival of the guests and serving luncheon which is usually served at the hour named The received rule being not to wait for guests Going in to luncheon When the luncheon gong sounds the hostess should say to the lady of highest rank present Shall we go into luncheon, or some such phrase See the art of conversing The visitor should then move towards the door If the host is present he should walk beside her If not, the hostess should do so The other lady should follow as far as possible according to precedency The gentleman going last Thus the hostess either follows with the ladies or leads the way Guests should not go into luncheon arm and arm as at a dinner-party but singly, each lady by herself or when space permits, side by side Gentlemen likewise But on arriving in the dining-room each gentleman should place himself by the side of a lady or between two ladies at table The hostess should sit at the top of the table and the host at the bottom as a dinner but it is immaterial where the guests sit although as a rule the lady of highest rank sits by the host and the gentleman of highest rank by the hostess A late arrival should, on being ushered into the dining-room make his or her way to the top of the table to shake hands with the hostess making some polite excuse for being late A hostess should rise from her seat to welcome a lady but she should not do so to welcome a gentleman Luncheon is served a la ruse or not according to inclination both ways being an equally good taste although as a rule the joint is served from the buffet or side table while the entrees, game or poultry are placed on the table For further information respecting the arrangements for luncheon see the work entitled Waiting at Table Formerly it was the custom in some houses for the servants to leave the dining-room as soon as they had helped the various guests to the joint or joints and handed round the vegetables and the wine in which case the host and hostess helped the guests to the entrees and sweets or the gentleman present did so but now it is invariably the rule for the servants to remain in the room during the whole of luncheon and to hand the dishes and wine etc to the guests as at dinner parties Luncheon usually lasts about half an hour during which time the hostess should endeavor to render conversation general As at dinner it is the duty of a hostess to give the signal for leaving the room which she does by attracting the attention of the lady of highest rank present by means of a smile and a bow rising at the same time from her seat The host or the gentleman nearest the door should open it for the ladies to pass out The lady should leave the dining-room as far as possible in the order in which they have entered it The hostess following last When the host is not present the gentleman should follow the ladies to the drawing-room But when the host is present the gentleman should remain in the dining-room with the host a short time before joining the ladies in the drawing-room It is optional on the part of the host whether he returns or not with the gentleman to the drawing-room although if not particularly engaged it is more courteous to do so Coffee is sometimes served after lunch-in in the drawing-room It is handed on a salver immediately after lunch-in The most usual way now however is to have coffee brought into the dining-room at the conclusion of lunch-in and handed to the guests on a salver The guests are not expected to remain longer than twenty minutes after the adjournment to the drawing-room has been made Ladies should put on their gloves on their return to the drawing-room after lunch-in Ladies having motor-cars should previously desire their chauffeurs to return for them from three to a quarter past three o'clock and the servant should inform each guest of the arrival of her motor-car When a lady requires a cab she should ask the hostess's permission to have one called for her The subject of leave-taking is fully described in Chapter 4 End of Chapter 26 Read by The Story Girl Breakfast Parties have in certain circles become a feature and invitations to breakfast are issued both by card and by note In official circles, breakfast parties are frequently given the morning hour is up to one o'clock being the only disengaged portion of the day and thus the opportunity is taken for offering and receiving hospitality and of enjoying the society of friends and acquaintances The breakfast hour varies from ten to eleven according to circumstances and the meal somewhat resembles a luncheon fish, entrees, game, and cold vians being given with the addition of tea, coffee, and liqueurs Punctuality on these occasions is almost imperative as breakfast cannot be prolonged beyond a given limit and therefore it is not considered necessary to wait the coming of a late guest The guests go into breakfast as a luncheon When a party consists of both ladies and gentlemen the hostess should lead the way with the lady of the highest rank followed by the other ladies the gentleman following with the host When a party consists of gentlemen only the host should lead the way with the gentleman of highest rank and should indicate to the principal of the gentleman present the places he wishes them to occupy at the table The remainder of the company should seat themselves according to inclination The table should be laid as for luncheon and decorated with flowers and fruit Tea and coffee should be served from a side table by the servants in attendance All dishes should be handed as at luncheon For the details of breakfast table arrangements and serving breakfast see the work entitled Waiting at Table The guests usually leave as soon as breakfast is over unless the ladies are invited by the hostess to accompany her to the drawing room or the gentlemen are invited by the host to smoke a cigarette or cigar previous to their departure House Party Breakfasts In the country the breakfast hour varies from 9 to 10.30 and in some country houses it is an understood thing that the guests are at liberty to come down to breakfast at any time between 9 and half past 10 In not a few country houses the hostess and the ladies breakfast in their own rooms and the gentlemen of the party breakfast with the host in the breakfast room The breakfast gong is a signal for assembling in the breakfast room or dining room but it is not the custom to wait for anyone beyond 5 or 10 minutes The host and hostess at once take their places at the breakfast table When the house party is a large one and space permits a number of small tables should be arranged in the breakfast room in addition to a long breakfast table The servants should remain in attendance during breakfast to wait upon the guests There is no general move made from the breakfast table as in the case of lunch and dinner The hostess generally remains until the whole of the guests have at least commenced breakfast save in the case of very late comers for whom she would not be expected to remain at the head of the breakfast table The guests leave the breakfast table as soon as they have finished breakfast without waiting for any intimation from the hostess to do so End of Chapter 27 Chapter 28 of Manners and Rules This is a LibreDocs recording All LibreDocs recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibreDocs.org Manners and Rules Chapter 28 Picnics and Water Parties Many things contribute to draw people into the country and away from town in the month of September Therefore there is a far larger number in each and every neighbourhood inclined for a picnic or water party than in the pre-previous months June, July and August Picnic parties are sometimes invitation parties and on other occasions contribution parties or parties which partake in a measure of the character of both Picnics by motor car and Picnics by rail Almost every county has its show place or its ruins its ruined abbey or its castle its romantic scenery and its fine views its hills or its dales its waterfalls or its glens The southern and western counties are as rich in these respects as the eastern counties are barren When a picnic party is to proceed to its destination by rail a saloon carriage is engaged beforehand an arrangement is made at the nearest hotel to supply the party of luncheon and from five shillings to ten shillings per head according to the style of luncheon required or hampers or provisions are taken under the charge of one or two man's servants If the picnic party proceeds by road a coach is the favourite mode of conveyance whether driven by the owner or hired for the occasion This is a more sociable way of going to a picnic than dividing the party into detachments and conveying them in separate carriages This is sometimes unavoidable and if the party is assembled for a start it occasions no little discussion as to how the party should be divided and conveyed in the various carriages It takes no little tact to arrange this in a satisfactory manner to overrule objections and to make things work smoothly Again the members of a picnic party occasionally find their way to the place of rendezvous independently of each other but although this plan saves trouble it does not promote sociability and parties of four or six are apt to clique together during the day instead of making themselves generally agreeable The provision question is a very important one and the heads of a picnic party should arrange and concert what each is to bring in the way of fish, flesh, fowl, fruit and wine The services of one or two men's servants at a large picnic party are generally required to arrange the table to open the wine and last but not least to collect and pack the article using the way of plate, china or glass A picnic luncheon in September is not always the alfresco spread under the greenwood tree that it is in July and often other not is held in the best parlour of a rustic inn or by permission in a barn or shed when the weather is not favourable for camping out Usually when a large picnic party is arranged and got up by some three or four ladies and gentlemen they divide the expenses of the entertainment between themselves and determine how many shall be invited each having the privilege of inviting a certain number Other picnics are got up on a different system Each person contributing a share towards the general expenses that these gatherings are not so sociable as are the invitation picnics where everything is done on prints are extremely enjoyable and friendly affairs They are big luncheons given out of doors instead of indoors at a distance instead of at home But even these are not more pleasant than those well arranged into picnics given by officers in country quarters when the regimental coach conveys a favoured view to some favoured spot There are many ways of arranging a water party at yachting stations and at all riverside places At yachting stations, for instance a sailing yacht is hired to convey a party of from 18 to 25 to some point of interest on the coast in which case luncheon and tea are provided at a hotel in the vicinity of the place where the party have landed and the expenses are equally divided Not unfrequently on the return journey the yacht is be calmed and does not reach its destination until between two and three the following morning If it happens to be a fine moonlight night this prolongation of a water party is an additional source of enjoyment But if there is no moon as well as no wind and the calm betokens a storm it is the reverse of pleasant With these little contra-tempts when they do occur rather lend a zest to the day's pleasure and have something to talk about afterwards Water parties are often given by owners of yachts These are invitation parties and luncheon, tea and sometimes dinner are served on board and the party land and stroll about and return to the yacht to be entertained Picnic and water parties in general include as many gentlemen as ladies whether they are invitation or contribution parties although sometimes a majority of ladies is unavoidable Ride is a favourite station for water parties as the island itself as well as the opposite coast offer innumerable points of interest for picnicking and many are able to combine the pleasures of the yacht with those of the launch in one and the same water party Thus a party sells some ride to Yarmouth, Isle of Wight and then proceeds in a steam or other launch to Allen Bay Launch parties are immensely popular both on the river and on the coast some picnic on board and others on shore as they feel disposed Canoe parties on coast and river are also popular with both ladies and gentlemen and again here the useful launch is brought into requisition to convey the party home as an hour and a half to two hours is an average time to paddle a canoe after that time the party land either on the rocks or on the shore and light a fire and boil the kettle for tea if the tea drinking and the after tea Rambo are unduly prolonged there is a chance if on the coast of the steam launch running out of coal and of the party having to return home in their own canoes considerably later than was expected and not a little fatigued End of Chapter 28 Chapter 29 of Manners and Rules This is a Libydox recording All Libydox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit Libydox.org Manners and Rules Chapter 29 Juvenile Parties Juvenile parties form a prominent feature in the entertainments given during the winter months There is scarcely a household the children of which are not indulged with one large party at least while others are allowed as many as two or three children's parties during the winter months These parties offer no little eliticity as to their arrangement varying from a children's tea party composed perhaps of five or six children to a juvenile ball or fancy dress ball Some others object on principle to the latter entertainments on the ground that to give a large juvenile ball provokes a corresponding number of invitations and that a round of such gayities is not good for young children even from a moral or from a hygienic point of view Morally the such amusements are likely to destroy or empower the freshness of childhood and to engender artificial ideas in their young minds in places such as are natural and healthy and that the imitation of the banners and bearing of their elders causes them to become miniature men and women and divest them of the attributes of artless and unaffected childhood The dresses worn by children at these entertainments are of so elaborate a character and so much pride is exhibited when wearing them that a spirit of vanity and a love of dress are aroused at prematurely early age From a physical point of view late hours, heated rooms, rich dainties and constant excitement have a pernicious effect upon children There is, of course, an opposite view taken by those who uphold juvenile balls They consider that children are the better for associating with others of their own age outside of their own family circle and that in the case of only children such association is calculated to rend them lively and intelligent Another argument in favour of these juvenile parties is that children who are in the habit of constantly attending them acquire self-possessed and confident manners and that all shyness, ravez honte and gurushe, which distinguish many children when in the company of strangers are dispelled by frequent intercourse of children of all ages Thus, in place of the noisy game of roms the little gentlemen ask the little ladies to dance pull costume bonbons with their favourite partners and offer them similar attentions throughout the evening Of course, there are shy little gentlemen and shy little ladies even at a juvenile ball but it is the constant endeavour of those who accompany them whether mammas, elder sisters, young aunts or grown-up cousins to persuade them to get the better of this diffidence and to induce Tachyton master Tommy to dance with timid Miss Tiny Sometimes master Tommy is obstinate as well as Tachyton and his wonce is as strong as his will As with all things so with children's parties the medium course is perhaps the wisest to take running into neither extreme avoiding too much seclusion or over much gaiety and rendering such gaiety an amusement suitable to the ages of the children invited When an evening's entertainment consists of a series of amusements it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into the space of four hours the usual limits of a child's party If so the programme has to be hurriedly gone through and it's hardly finished before the hour of departure no little judgement is required on organising juvenile parties The hour is usually selected for children's parties whether on a large or small scale often four to eight, five to nine six to ten, often seven to eleven The children on their arrival are received in the drawing room In most cases their relatives, even mothers or grown up sisters are asked to accompany them There is great punctuality observed as regards the hour of arrival and tea is usually served in the dining room about half an hour after that names on the invitation card The interim is generally passed by children in watching each fresh arrival and in greeting their little acquaintances comparing notes of each other as to the teas and the parties they are going to or in amusing themselves to the toys belonging to the children of the house which are usually arranged on tables for this purpose and mechanical toys, walking and talking birds etc musical toys, picture books and dolls and the latest and newest inventions in the way of playthings Little visitors an opportunity for becoming at ease with each other Tea is generally dispensed at one end of a long table and coffee at the opposite end The governess usually pours out the tea and one of the daughters of the house the coffee or failing her, the head nurse or ladies maid does so Dishes of pound, plum and sponge cake are placed the length of the table interspersed with plates of thin bread and butter biscuits and preserves either the ladies of the family or the servants in attendance hand them to the children When the relatives accompany the children tea is usually served to them in another room but frequently they do not arrive until tea is over and the nurses accompany the children to the house Amusements The arrangements for the evenings amusement are regulated in a measure by the amount of accommodation a house affords Femmasing, the boisterous games are not allowed in drawing rooms unless or valuable ornaments or things likely to be broken are removed from the rooms If conjuring is one of the amusements provided it generally takes place in the drawing room immediately after tea and lasts about an hour A dancing cloth is put down over the drawing room carpet route seats or cane chairs are arranged in rows The youngest children are seated in the first row The forming birds, the forming dogs or the forming monkeys are also favoured amusements at these parties and rank next to conjuring in the estimation of children Punch and Judy are marionettes of popular drawing room amusements and either occupies a space of an hour When a Cinematograph show is the entertainment provided it takes place in the dining room or library or perhaps in the housekeeper's room if large enough for the purpose Dancing or games usually precede these amusements and lasts from half to three quarters of an hour Little girls dance with each other round and square dances As little girls are, as a rule, more partial to dancing than are little boys Although they one and all, great and small join with glee in a country dance or in the tempater or in Sir Roger the Covelly Not longer than an hour is devoted to dancing and this is hugely followed by games Impromptu charades is a favourite pastime with children but avoid the juvenile audience becoming weary and impatient during the preparation of the charades It is as well, there should be amusements in a quiet game such as forfeits, cross questions and crooked answers Proverbs, etc At Christmas and New Year's parties the distribution of presents is a very important feature Christmas trees are now rather discarded in favour of greater novelties Farver Christmas Santa Claus The Fairy Godmother The Fairies Well or the Lucky Bag and the Magic Log are some of the many devices for the distribution of presents These popular characters are represented by grown-up persons and provoke much wonder and admiration amongst children The presents are usually given at the close of the evening Light refreshments are provided in the dining room Lemonade, wine and water Every description of cake Sandwiches, crystallised fruit French plums, figs, almonds and raisins, oranges, etc Bond bombs containing paper caps, etc which afford children much amusement are usually provided When a juvenile ball is given, a supper is provided Otherwise, light refreshments are considered sufficient and are served twice during the evening Sometimes the children of the family, if old enough and clever enough act a little play Some nursery fairy tale condensed into one act such as Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, etc which lasts about an hour and is followed by dancing When a juvenile fancy ball is given one or two fancy quadrules are arranged beforehand to be danced by the children in costume End of Chapter 29 Chapter 30 of Manners and Rules This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Anita Sloma Martinez Manners and Rules Written Invitations Writing letters of invitation and answering letters of invitation often occupy far longer time in the composition than the writers would care to confess The difficulty does not lie in an invitation itself or in accepting or refusing it but rather in the form in which either should be couched the words that should be chosen and the expressions that should be used One person is afraid of being too emprosy another of being too formal or too stiff one is fearful of saying too little another of saying too much When invitations are issued on dinner cards or on at home cards the note of acceptance should be as brief as is the printed card of invitation and to the printed card requesting the pleasure of Mrs. Blank's company at dinner the stereotype dancer is invariably Mrs. Blank has much pleasure in accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for Saturday the 21st or Mrs. Blank regrets that a previous engagement will prevent her from having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for Saturday the 21st As regards those invitations that refer to visits of some days duration those accustomed to give this description of entertainment know exactly what to say and how to say it the conventional civilities or affectionate cordialities as the case may be occur in their proper places but one point is made clear in either case namely the length of the visit to be paid there are people who are under the impression that to specify the exact length of a visit is in a degree inhospitable and not sufficiently polite and they therefore as a sort of compromise use the ambiguous term a few days in lieu of distinctly defining the limit of these invitations so far from vague invitations such as these being an advantage to invited guests they not seldom place them at a disadvantage at more points than one they are uncertain on what day they are to take their departure they do not wish by leaving a day earlier to disarrange any little plans that their hostess may have contemplated for their amusement neither do they wish to prolong their visit a day later lest by so doing they should break in upon any engagements that she may have formed on her own account independently of her visitors it is also not a little awkward guests to tell their hostess that they think of leaving on Thursday by twelve twenty train it might have suited the hostess very much better that her visitors should have left on the Wednesday and in her own mind she had perhaps intended that the visit should end on that day but having left the invitation open more or less by saying a few days there is nothing left for her but to sacrifice her own arrangements to the convenience of her guests as without discourtesy she could hardly suggest to them that they should leave a day earlier than the one they had named and the visitors remain unconscious of having in any way trespassed upon the good nature of their hostess a few days is also an unsatisfactory wording of an invitation to visitors themselves as a rule it means three or four days but there is also an uncertainty as to whether the fourth day should be taken or not those who interpret a few days to mean three days should leave their plans for departure accordingly failing this they are compelled to leave their plans open and stay from three to five days according as chance and circumstances may dictate a lady would perhaps require a little addition to her wardrobe in the matter of a five days visit over that of a three days stay but this is a trifling detail although it helps to swell the list of minor inconveniences which are the result of vague invitations there are of course exceptions to every rule and there are people who use this phrase of will you come and see us for a few days in the bona fide sense of the word and to whom it is immaterial whether their guests remain three days or six days but such an elastic invitation as this is usually given to a relative or to a very intimate friend whose footing in the house is that of a relation and with whom the hostess does not stand on the ceremony as far as her own engagements are concerned and people on these friendly terms can talk over their departure with their hostess and consult her about it without the faintest embarrassment the most satisfactory invitation is certainly the one that mentions the day of arrival and the day of departure thus after the raison d'etre of the invitation has been stated the why and the wherefore of its being given follows the gist of the letter we hope you will come to us on Wednesday the 23rd and remain until the 27th it is of course open to a hostess to ask her visitors to prolong their stay beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing but this is the exception rather than the rule in the case of short visits and guests take their departure as a matter of course on the day named in the invitation hostess and guests are perfectly at ease upon the subject and guests do not feel on delicate ground with their hostess or fear to outstay their welcome when a visit has been paid it is polite if not imperative to write to the hostess and express the pleasure that has been derived from it oftener than not some little matter arises which necessitates a note being written apart from this but whether or not good feeling and good taste would dictate such note should be written and as it can always include little matters of general interest in connection with the past visit it need neither be over ceremonious nor coldly polite to write a letter asking for an invitation or to answer a letter asking for an invitation is in either case a difficult letter to write as many have air this discovered when a married lady asks for an invitation for a young relative or friend staying with her to some dancer at home to which she herself is invited the note is simple enough and the answer is generally a card of invitation or a written permission to bring her again in the case of asking for invitations for gentlemen if a lady is going to a ball she can without hesitation ask for cards of invitation for one or two gentlemen friends of her own mentioning their names in the note in this case also the answer is generally in the affirmative as men are always acquisitions at a ball the awkwardness of the situation arises when a good natured person is solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for a lady enter daughters or for the young ladies only the latter knowing someone who would chaperone them if they could only get an invitation if the lady who asks for the invitation is a fashionable walk giver the probability is that her request will be granted but if the contrary the reverse will most likely be the case even when writing to an intimate friend there's always a delicacy in asking for an invitation for a third person and society appears to become year after year still more exclusive on this point many people are reluctant or decline altogether to put themselves under an obligation of this nature even for those with whom they are most intimate it may be that the number of refusals good natured people have received from their friends when trying to render services of this description have made them cherry of putting themselves forward again in a similar manner it is chilling to be told that the list is over full or that so many people have been refused already or that there is not a card to spare but a few years ago a ball was not considered a success unless it was an overcrowded one the popularity of the ball giver was shown by the guest scarcely being able to find standing room thus invitations were given right and left to the friends of those who asked for them but the fashion of today is to style a crowded ballroom a bear garden and to confine the invitations with but very few exceptions those who are strictly on the visiting list of the ball giver and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own if not on their visiting list still invitations are constantly asked for by people for their friends and sometimes they are given and sometimes they are refused as the case may be but much depends upon the position of the one who solicits the favour if the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the petitioner she will stretch a point to do so if not she will write a polite note of excuse giving one of the reasons before mentioned it is thoroughly understood people do not ask for invitations for themselves whatever they may do for their friends and that they would not do so unless they were themselves invited living at a distance modifies however this latter rule and friends in the country often ask for invitations for friends in town and vice versa dinner invitation are as a matter of course never asked for but invitations to garden parties afternoon at homes and afternoon teas are frequently asked for and readily given some are intimate enough at the house where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to those afternoon gatherings observing the punctiliousness of asking for an invitation others unless intimate terms do not venture upon doing so in all cases when an invitation is asked for a hostess should never neglect to send a reply and should not take for granted that her friends will naturally understand that silence gives consent for under the circumstances it is very possible to interpret it to signify a refusal and of chapter 30 chapter 31 of manners and rules this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Anita Sloma-Martinez manners and rules refusing invitations many reasons exist for declining invitations other than the plea of a prior engagement Mrs. M regrets much regrets or very much regrets that a previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. N's invitation or kind invitation when on more intimate terms Mrs. M should write in the first person when declining an invitation it is an open question whether the nature of the engagement should be stated even intimate friends often can find themselves to the statement of the bare fact only that a prior engagement exists others on the contrary state the nature of the engagement and there is no doubt that this latter course considerably softens a refusal and lessens the disappointment experienced and therefore when practicable should always be followed when a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a refusal must rest on other lines ill health a severe cold etc. are valid excuses failing these the refusal should be as follows Mrs. Z regrets she is unable to accept Mrs. X's kind invitation etc it occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an engagement circumstances having changed the aspect of things the invitation perhaps was a verbal one and a refusal was not easy at the moment again impromptu invitations are sometimes refused having been too hastily accepted the servant who brought the note waited for an answer and on the impulse of the moment an affirmative answer was given the wife had not time to consult her husband and accepted for him as well as for herself or perhaps some topotent domestic reason that could not be explained induced refusal the fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of course and fills up the gaps with other invitations refusals of dinner invitations from those for whom a dinner party was partly originated are always disappointing even to the most popular of dinner givers in the same way that the absence of the principal neighbor from a country entertainment is felt to cast a shadow over the proceedings of the day the limited cards of acceptance and of refusal are in general use yet many cases arise which render written refusals imperative as regards the refusal of invitations asked for such requests should not be made unless on very safe ground and with the certainty of beating with acquiescence yet occasionally these requests are either unwelcome or inadmissible and refusals are consequently given but unless worded with tact and good nature they are often the cause of strained relations between both friends and acquaintances End of Chapter 31 The usual hours for walking in the park are from 9 until 10.30am The hours for afternoon walking and sitting in the park are from 4 to 7pm during the summer months The fashionable hours for walking in the park on Sunday are from 1 to 2pm both in winter and summer and from 5 to 7pm in the summer months married ladies can if they please walk out unaccompanied or unattended in places of public resort in town or on the parades of fashionable watering places but married ladies especially if they are young usually prefer the society of another lady not so much perhaps for propriety as for companionship as to walk alone either in town or at fashionable watering places renders a lady more or less conspicuous especially if she is attractive and well dressed A young lady can now also walk by herself in the park for the purpose of joining her friends and acquaintances both in the morning and in the afternoon but she should not sit alone again young ladies may walk alone in the fashionable streets but they should not loiter when alone at shop windows but walk at a quick pace from shop to shop or from street to street In the quiet neighbourhoods of towns, suburban towns and watering places young ladies walk unaccompanied and unattended to visit their friends residing in the near vicinity of their homes or to attend classes or for the purpose of shopping etc Indeed, great independence is generally accorded in this respect the line being drawn at evening hours that is to say at walking alone after dusk At watering places and at all public promenades it is usual for gentlemen to join ladies with whom they are acquainted and to walk with them for a short time when it is apparent that their company is desired but not otherwise Ladies and gentlemen whether related or not should never walk arm in arm unless the lady is an elderly one or an invalid and requires this support Driving From 3 to 6.30 are the received hours for the afternoon drive during the summer and from 2.30 to 4.30 during the winter The following rules regarding entering and leaving a carriage apply to a motor car or an electric broam as far as the construction make and size of the same render it possible When driving in an open or closed carriage or motor car it is quite immaterial whether the owner occupies the right hand or the left hand seat The seat she occupies depends upon which side she enters as the lady driving with her should enter before her and should seat herself on the furthest seat A visitor should always enter the motor car or carriage before the hostess When three ladies enter a motor car or carriage the young unmarried lady should take the back seat and the two married ladies should occupy the front seat This is a matter of courtesy on the part of a young lady due to married ladies and not strictly demanded by etiquette A husband should sit with his back to the horses or by the side of the chauffeur in the case of a motor car when a lady is driving with his wife A gentleman should be the first to get out of a motor car or carriage with a view to assisting the ladies to do so As a rule the hostess should leave the carriage after her guest and not before her unless it is more convenient to do otherwise When a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to take her for a drive she should not descend from her car or carriage for the purpose of allowing her to enter it before her In the afternoon young ladies may drive alone in the public thoroughfares unaccompanied by married ladies It is permissible for a young lady to drive alone in the park or in the streets A married lady can as a matter of course drive unaccompanied It would be unconventional where a lady to drive alone with a gentleman in his motor car unless he were nearly related to her or unless she were engaged to be married to him It is usual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face to the horses When a married lady is driving with her she should sit beside her When young ladies are driving with her in addition to the married lady they should sit with their backs to the horses When a lady is driving with her husband and a young lady accompanies her she should not offer the front seat to the young lady but should retain it herself and even should the offer be made a young lady should not avail herself of it Riding As regards riding in town the hours for practice in the row are from 8am to 10am in summer and 9am to 11am in winter for inexperienced riders and beginners Young ladies ride with a riding master or with a riding mistress or with a relative as the case may be The hours for riding in the park range from 9.30am to 10.30am It is thoroughly understood that a lady may ride in the park alone but he is unaccompanied or unattended for the purpose of joining her friends It is argued in these days a women's emancipation that no possible harm or annoyance can rise from the fact of a lady riding unattended beyond to the always possible chance of an accident Although great latitude is now allowed to young ladies with regard to riding alone many parents still prefer that their daughters should be attended by their grooms Two ladies frequently ride together unaccompanied by a gentleman and unattended by a groom End of chapter 32 Recording by Jane Bennett Chapter 33 of Manors and Rules This is the LibriVox Recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Manors and Rules Bowing As regards the recognition of friends or acquaintances it is the privilege of a lady to take the initiative by being the first A gentleman should not raise his hat to a lady until she has accorded him this mark of recognition Although the act of bowing is a simultaneous action on the part of both lady and gentleman as a lady would hardly bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it The bow between intimate acquaintances takes the character when given by a lady of a familiar nod in place of a stiff bow When a gentleman returns the bow of a lady he should do so by distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly replacing it not merely raising it slightly as formerly and if he is an intimate acquaintance or friend he should act in a similar manner In France and on the continent generally the role of bowing is reversed and the gentleman is the first to bow to the lady instead of the lady to the gentleman Between ladies but slightly acquainted the one of highest rank should be the first to bow to the other Between ladies of equal rank it is immaterial which of the two bows first A lady should not bow to persons only known to her by sight although she may have frequently seen them in the company of her friends A lady should bow to a gentleman either a friend or acquaintance even when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman with whom she is unacquainted a gentleman do not raise their hats in recognition of each other but simply not when not walking with ladies save when a vast difference exists in rank or age when a gentleman meets another a friend of his walking with a lady or ladies with whom he himself is unacquainted he should raise his hat and look straight before him not at the lady or ladies A lady should not bow to another who being a stranger to her has addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon party as the fact of meeting at the house of a mutual friend does not constitute an acquaintance and does not authorize a future bowing acquaintance Ladies as a rule are not too ready to bow to those whom they have merely conversed with in a casual way in the first place they are not quite certain of being remembered and nothing is more disconcerting and disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through forgetfulness of the one who has given it or through short-sightedness or through actual intention short-sighted people are always offending in the matter of not bowing and almost every third person comparatively speaking complains of being more or less short-sighted thus it behooves ladies to discover for themselves the strength and length of sight possessed by their new acquaintances or the chances are that their bow may never be returned or they may continue to labor under the impression that they have received a cut direct thus many pleasant acquaintances are lost through this misapprehension and many erroneous impressions created a bowing acquaintance is a difficult and tiresome one to maintain for any length of time when opportunities do not arise for increasing it the irksomeness of keeping it up is principally experienced by persons meaning day after day in the park or in public promenades riding, driving, or walking more especially when it is tacitly understood that the acquaintance should not develop into a further acquaintance it would be considered discourteous to discontinue a bowing acquaintance which has once been commenced to know a gentleman by sight through having frequently seen him at balls and parties does not give a lady the right to bow to him even though she may have stood beside him for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded staircase and may have received some slight civility from him a lady who has received a little service from a stranger would gladly acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow but as bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him and as in such cases as these an acquaintance does not exist etiquette provides no compromise in the matter therefore if a young lady takes her own line and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman who has not been introduced to her either directly or indirectly it is a breach of etiquette on her part and as to do an unconventional thing is not desirable the innumerable little services which ladies receive in general society are not further acknowledged beyond the things expressed at the moment of their being received bows vary materially there is the friendly bow the distant bow the ceremonious bow the deferential bow the familiar bow the reluctant bow and so on according to the feelings that actuate individuals in their intercourse with each other when a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen and they meet perhaps two or three times during the day and are not sufficiently intimate to speak they do not usually bow more than once when thus meeting in park or promenade End of Chapter 33 Chapter 34 of Manors and Rules this is the LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Rachel Marie Manors and Rules Chapter 34 The Cockade Cockades are worn by servants in livery of officers in the army and navy and all those who hold his majesty's commission also lords lieutenants and deputy lieutenants retainers of the crown are entitled to the use of the cockade as a badge of the reigning dynasty the fact that cockades are now so frequently worn by men's servants may be accounted for thus deputy lieutenants are far more numerous now than was formerly the case almost every country gentleman is a deputy lieutenant and consequently his servants are entitled to the use of the cockade the privilege of appearing in uniform at leves instead of in court-dress has been and is an incentive to many to seek for and obtain the appointment of deputy lieutenant again all justices of the peace claim the use of the cockade as being civil retainers of the crown and although there is no clearly defined rule on this head according to the late Sir Albert Woods garter king at arms it has long then tacitly conceded to them the custom of livery servants wearing cockades dates from the commencement of the 18th century and was at first purely a military distinction the cockade worn by the servants of the members of the royal family and by all who claim to be of royal descent is slightly different in shape from that known as the badge of the reigning dynasty i.e. the Hanoverian badge and is round in shape and without a fan the military cockade is of an oval shape terminating in a fan the civil cockade is of an oval shape also but without the fan the naval cockade is identical with the civil cockade the white cockade is the badge of the house of Stuart the black cockade that of the house of Hanover the servants of foreign ambassadors wear cockades in colour according to their nationalities black and white for Germany black and yellow for Austria the tricolour for France scarlet for Spain blue and white for Portugal and black and yellow for Belgium the word cockade according to a well known authority was borrowed from the French Clicard having originally been applied to the plumes of cock's feathers worn by Croatian soldiers serving in the French army some such plume or in its place a bunch of ribbons came to be used in pinning up the flaps of the hat into a cocked position and thus gradually the word passed for the name of the cocked hat to itself. End of Chapter 34 Chapter 35 of Manners and Rules this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Manners and Rules Chapter 35 Country House Visits September is actually the commencement of the country visiting season the few visits that are paid in August are brought a prelude to the program that is to follow during the seceding five months the visitors received in August are principally relatives the exceptions to the August family parties are the August cricket parties in the counties where cricket has made a great feature during that month where the cricket weeks and consequent large country house parties are of annual recurrence in private theatricals form part of the week's amusement it often follows that people visit at the same houses year after year they arrange their tour of visits with regard to those invitations which they annually receive new acquaintances and new houses where at to visit are added to the list from time to time and take the place of those which as a matter of course drop out of it sometimes the invitations fit into other admirably like the pieces of a puzzle at others there is an awkward interval of a day or two or three days to be filled up between leaving one house and arriving at another if the hostess is in either case a relation or an intimate friend this difficulty is easily surmounted by staying on at one house until the day fixed for an arrival at another or vice versa but if a guest is on ceremony with her hostess or if as is often the case new arrivals are expected for the following week the alternative is to spend a few days in town as although the house where the next visit to be paid might be within 20 or 30 miles of the house the visitor is about to leave it would be unusual to spend the interval at a hotel in the adjacent town as to do so might reflect upon the hospitality of the hostess on the other hand invitations are sometimes given independently of dates but this friendly style of invitation is not given when a large party is invited and it is understood to mean that the hostess may be quite alone or may have guest staying with her as the case may be this form of invitation is frequently given to people visiting in Scotland on account of the great distance from town it is very general custom to give shooting parties the third week in September harvest permitting if the harvest is laying on account of unfavorable weather the shooting parties are postponed until the first week in the ensuing month the guests or at least the crack guns are usually invited for a partridge driving which is what partridge shooting now actually amounts to there are large shooting parties and small shooting parties shooting parties to which royalty is invited and shooting parties restricted to intimate friends or relations but in either case the period is the same three days shooting if a party is limited to five guns seven ladies is the average number invited the hostess relying upon a neighbor or a neighbor's son to equalize the balance at the dinner table the success of house parties mainly depends upon people knowing each other or fraternizing when they are introduced or have made each other's acquaintance the ladies of a country house party are expected as a rule to amuse themselves more or less during the day after luncheon there is usually a drive to a neighboring town a little shopping to be done there or a call to be paid in the neighborhood by some of the party notably the married ladies the young ladies being left to their own resources at the close of a visit game is offered to those of the shooters to whom it is known that it will be acceptable the head gamekeeper is usually instructed to put up a couple of brace of pheasants in a hair but in some houses even this custom is not followed and the whole of the game killed with the exception of what is required for the house finds its way into the market both the local market and the London market shooting parties as a rule give a hostess little anxiety on the score of finding amusement for the ladies of the party as so many aids out of door at her command at this season of the year this is a great advantage as although some few ladies possessing great strength of nerve have taken up shooting as an amusement in past time and acquit themselves surprisingly well in this manly sport if ladies in general are not inclined for so dangerous a game and even those intrepid ladies who have learned how to use their little gun would never be permitted to make one or two of a big shooting party even where they so inclined the hostess and the ladies of the party invariably join the shooters at luncheon and some of the ladies go out with the shooters in the morning to watch their prowess in the field but this entails a great deal of walking where portrait shooting is concerned which is quite another thing to covert shooting in November and December a good hostess has great opportunities for distinguishing herself while entertaining a country house party from the arrival of the first motor car to the departure of the last her consideration and tact are so successfully exerted that somehow her guests always find themselves doing exactly what they like best and in company with those who are most congenial to them to say nothing of the comfort of the general domestic arrangements which seem to have been arranged exclusively for their convenience if they wish to drive there is a character motor car at their disposal they prefer a constitutional there is someone very agreeable desirous of walking with them the daily papers are always to be found the post bag goes out at a most convenient hour by the hand of a special messenger the dinner is of the best and the evening is of the cheeriest bridge as a rule is played in most houses and several tables are arranged in the drawing room to accommodate the would be players occasionally when the birds are wild and sport is slack a sort of picnic luncheon is held in the vicinity of a keeper's lodge under the shade of some widespread trees when the ladies join the party but in September keen sportsmen rather despise this playing at shooting and resent the interruption caused by the company of ladies luncheon and prefer to take it in the rough and smoke the wild every day of the week is not thus given up to shooting and there are few owners of manners who would care to provide five days consecutive sport for their guests and two days hard shooting is probably followed by what is called an idle day one of these off days in September the hostess often gives a garden party or takes her guests to one given by a neighbor at some miles distant or she holds a stall at a bizarre and persuades her guests to assist her in disposing of her stock or she induces her party to accompany her to some flower show in which she takes a local interest or the host and one or two of the best shots start early after breakfast to shoot with a neighbor and the remainder of the guests drive over to a picture as ruined where they picnic and return home in time for the eight o'clock dinner if the owner of a mansion has a coach the whole party is conveyed on it otherwise the motor cars are brought into requisition while saddle horses are provided for those who care to ride the country house party occasionally resolves itself into two or more clicks as far as the ladies are concerned gentlemen as a rule are not much given to this sort of thing on the first evening as soon as the ladies have left the dining room for the drawing room these little people are tacitly formed and continue unbroken until the close of the visit there are many reasons which call these clicks into existence old intimacies revive new acquaintance ships to be strengthened unwelcome acquaintance ships to be avoided and so on these clicks are by no means agreeable to the hostess indeed quite the contrary but she is powerless to prevent their being formed and she is drawn into one or other of them and sometimes altogether excluded from them anyone who is at all conversant with country house visiting is aware how thoroughly the influence of the click pervades the atmosphere of the drawing room and yet perhaps at country house parties more friendships are formed in intimacies cemented than at any other gatherings the evening amusements at country house parties vary very much according to the proclivities of the hostess or those of her daughters at some houses dancing is the order of things for a couple of hours or so after dinner but this mode of spending the evening does not always commend itself to the gentleman who after a long days walking through wet turnips and over heavy plowed land or hard days riding over stiff fences rather inclined towards the dulce fondiente of a luxurious armchair into the pleasures of the maize evolves and are proportionally grateful to a hostess who does not call upon them to undergo any further exercise than what they have already gone through for their own pleasure in most country house parties bridge forms the chief if not the only amusement and is played not only after dinner but in the afternoon also amateur theatricals and tableau vivants impromptu charades, thought reading, conjuring, etc. are fashionable amusements and easy of accomplishment the first named of these demands considerable study and plenty of time for rehearsal therefore theatricals are generally engaged in when the party is composed of relatives rather than of acquaintances when the visit would be perhaps prolonged to 10 days or a fortnight some hostesses prefer keeping late hours to early hours and do not retire until after 12 this does not commend itself to the gentleman as they are not supposed to adjourn to the smoking room until the ladies have left the drawing room and gentlemen like to spend a couple of hours in the smoking room after dinner in hunting counties the breakfast is usually an early one varying from 9 o'clock to half past 9 according to whether the ride to covert is likely to be long or a short one but as a rule the nominal breakfast hour is 9 30 o'clock a certain amount of latitude is allowed to guess as regards coming down to breakfast they do not assemble in the morning room but all make their way to the breakfast room and seat themselves at once at table while many ladies breakfast in their own rooms in Scotland an invitation to shoot often means a visit of three weeks the accommodation of the shooting box or lodge may be limited or primitive and is very often both of these but it matters very little to the sportsman what sort of bed he sleeps on or how he is made to rough it providing the grouse are plentiful on some of the moors there are but cottages and farmhouses for the occupation of the sportsman but on others the houses are excellent and let with the moors as many take a more season after season and invite the friends to shoot during the 12th of August in October the grand shooting parties that are annually given in Scotland by owners of large estates and fine shootings extends throughout the whole of the shooting season and guests come and go without intermission as one leaves another arrives certain houses or castles are much gayer than others to some very few ladies are asked the majority of the guests being gentlemen probably the hostess and two ladies and eight men in others the numbers are more equal in others again the party sometimes consists entirely of men with a host and no hostess ladies generally ask their most intimate friends to Scotland rather than acquaintances as they are left to themselves the whole of the day dinner being often postponed until nine o'clock on account of the late return of the sportsman south of the tweed September invitations are usually given for three or four days from Tuesday till Saturday married couples young ladies and young men are all asked and the ladies find amusement in law and tennis or in attending or assisting at some neighbouring bazaar or fancy fair as in this month county bazaars are very popular in the visitors at one house lend their services in conjunction with the visitors at another to hold stalls at a bazaar got up by a third influential lady and thus the stalls are well stocked and the fashionable stall holders give an impetus to the whole affair ladies see very little of the gentlemen between breakfast and dinner the shooters start about eleven and sell them return much before seven when it is dark at four those who prefer ladies society and tea to the smoking room and billiards make themselves presentable and join the ladies as regards the etiquette of visiting at bachelors houses it is thoroughly understood that ladies should be accompanied by their husbands and young ladies by their father and mother or by a married couple with whom they are on terms of great intimacy in which case the married lady acts as chaperone to the young ladies young ladies cannot stay at the house of a bachelor chaperoned by a married lady or by a female relative of their host a widow and her daughter could of course join a party of ladies staying at a bachelor's house or stay on a visit to him where he alone or entertaining bachelor friends when a bachelor gives a country house party and nominally does the honors himself occasionally one of the married ladies of the party tacitly takes the lead the position of a young widower is similar to that of a bachelor as regards society later in life the contrary is the case a widower with grown up daughters gives entertainments for them and the eldest daughter does the honors thus reducing the position again to that of host and hostess end of chapter 35