Hospital sketches by Louisa Mae Alcott, Chapter 1, Obtaining Supplies. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or how to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. This recording by Erin Elliott, St. Louis, Missouri. Hospital sketches by Louisa Mae Alcott. These sketches are respectfully dedicated to her friend, Miss Hannah Stevenson, by LMA. Chapter 1, Obtaining Supplies. I want something to do. This remark, being addressed to the world in general, no one in particular felt at their duty to reply, so I repeated it to the smaller world about me, receiving the following suggestions and settled the matter by answering my own inquiry, as people are apt to do when very much in earnest. Write a book, quote the author of my being. Don't know enough, sir. First live, then write. Try teaching again, suggested my mother. No, thank you, ma'am. Ten years of that is enough. Take a husband like my Darby and fulfill your mission, said Sister Joan, home on a visit. Can't afford expensive luxuries, Mrs. Kubiti. Turn actress and immortalize your name, said Sister Vashti, striking in attitude. I won't. Go nurse the soldiers, said my young brother Tom, panting for the tented field. I will. So far, very good. Here was the will, now for the way. At first sight, not a foot of it appeared, but that didn't matter, for the periwinkles are a hopeful race. Their crest is an anchor, with three cockadoodles crowing atop. They all wear rose-colored spectacles and are lineal descendants of the inventor of aerial architecture. An hour's conversation on that subject set the whole family in a blaze of enthusiasm. A model hospital was erected and each member had accepted an honorable post therein. The paternal pea was chaplain, the maternal pea was matron, and all the youthful peas filled the pot of futurity with achievements whose brilliancy eclipsed the glories of the present and the past. Arriving at the satisfactory conclusion, the meeting adjourned, and the fact that mistribulation was available as armingers went abroad on the wings of the wind. In a few days, a town's woman heard of my desire, approved of it, and brought about an interview with one of the sisterhood which I wished to join, who is at home on a furlough and able and willing to satisfy all inquiries. A morning chat with Miss General S. We hear no end of Mrs. Generals, Why Not a Miss? produced three results. I felt that I could do the work, was offered a place, and accepted it, promising not to desert, but stand ready to march on Washington at an hour's notice. A few days were necessary for the letter containing my request and recommendation to reach headquarters and another containing my commission to return, therefore no time was to be lost and heartily thanking my pair of friends. I tore home through the December slush as if the rebels were after me, and like many another recruit burst in upon my family with the announcement, I've enlisted! An impressive silence followed. Tom, the irrepressible, broke it with a slap on my shoulder and a grateful compliment.  Thank you, then I'll take something, which I did in the shape of dinner, reeling off my news at the rate of three dozen words to a mouthful, and as everyone else talked equally fast and altogether, the scene was most inspiring. As boys going to sea immediately become nautical in speech, walk as if they already had their sea legs on, and shiver their timbers on all possible occasions, so I turned military at once, called my dinner my rations, saluted all newcomers, and ordered a dress parade that very afternoon. Having reviewed every rag I possessed, I detailed some for picket duty while airing over the fence, some to the sanitary influences of the wash tub, others to mount guard in the trunk, while the weak and wounded went to the work basket hospital to be made ready for active service again. To this squad I devoted myself for a week, but all was done, and I had time to get powerfully impatient before the letter came. It did arrive, however, and brought a disappointment along with its goodwill and friendliness, for told me that the place in the armory hospital that I supposed I was to take was already filled and a much less desirable one at Hurley Burley House was offered instead. That's just your luck, Trib.  I was wavering in my secret soul, but that settled the matter, and I crushed him on the spot with martial brevity. It is now one I shall march at six. I have a confused recollection of spending the afternoon in pervading the house like an executive whirlwind with my family swarming after me, all working, talking, prophesizing, and lamenting while I packed my go-a-braughty possessions, tumbled the rest into two big boxes, danced on the lids till they shut, and gave them in charge with the direction, if I never come back, make a bonfire of them. Then I choked down a cup of tea generously salted instead of sugared by some agitated relative, shouldered my knapsack. It was only a traveling bag, but do let me preserve the unities, hugged my family three times all around without a vestige of unmanly emotion till a certain dear old lady broke down upon my neck with a despairing sort of wail. Oh, my dear, my dear, how can I let you go?  But I don't, go, and the Lord will take care of you. Much of the Roman matron's courage had gone into the Yankee matron's composition and, in spite of her tears, she would have sent ten sons to the war had she possessed them, as freely as she sent one daughter, smiling and flapping on the doorstep till I vanished, though the eyes that followed me were very dim, and the handkerchief she waved was very wet. My transit from the Gables to the Village Depot was a funny mixture of good wishes and goodbyes, mud puddles, and shopping. A December twilight is not the most cheering time to enter upon a somewhat perilous enterprise, and, but for the presence of Vashti and neighbor Thorn, I fear that I might have added a drop of the briny to the native moisture of the town I left behind me, though I had no thought of giving out. Oh, bless you, no. When the engine screeched, here we are.  If I thought that anyone would believe it, I'd boldly state that I slept from C to B, which would simplify matters immensely, but as I know they wouldn't, I'll confess that the head under the funeral coal-hud fermented with all manner of high thoughts and heroic purposes to do or die, perhaps both, and the heart under the fuzzy brown coat felt very tender with the memory of the dear old lady probably sobbing over her army socks and the loss of her topsy-turvy trip. At this juncture, I took the veil, and what I did behind it is nobody's business, but I maintain that the soldier who cries when his mother says goodbye is the boy to fight best and die bravest when the time comes or go back to her better than he went. Till nine o'clock I trotted about the city streets doing those last errands which no woman would even go to heaven without attempting if she could. Then I went to my usual refuge and fully intending to keep awake as a sort of visual appropriate to the occasion fell fast asleep and dreamed propitious dreams till my rosy-faced cousin waked me with a kiss. A bright day smiled upon my enterprise, and at ten I reported myself to my general received last instructions and to no end of the sympathetic encouragement which women give in look, touch, and tone more effectually than in words. The next step was to get a free pass to Washington for I'd no desire to waste my substance on railroad companies when the boys needed even a spinster's might. A friend of mine had procured such a pass and I was bent on doing likewise though I had to face the president of the railroad to accomplish it. I'm a bashful individual, though I can't get anyone to believe it, so it cost me great effort to poke about the Warchester Depot till the right door appeared, then walk into a room containing several gentlemen and blunder out my request in a high state of stammer and blush. Nothing could have been more courteous than this dreaded president, but it was evident that I had made as absurd a demand as if I had asked for the nose of his respectable face. He referred me to the governor at the State House and I backed out, leaving him no doubt to regret that such mild maniacs were left at charge. Here was a sila and cherry-bedee's business as if a president wasn't trying enough without the governor of Massachusetts and the hub of the hub piled on top of that. I never can do it, thought I. Tom will hoot at you if you don't, whispered the inconvenient little voice that is always goading people to the performance of disagreeable duties and always appeals to the most effective agent to produce the proper result. The idea of allowing any boy that ever wore a felt basin and a shoddy jacket with a microscopic tail to crow over me was preposterous, so giving myself a mental slap for such faint-heartedness, I streamed away across the common, wondering if I ought to say, Your Honor, or simply Sir, and decided upon the latter fortifying myself with recollections of an evening in a charming green library where I beheld the governor placidly consuming oysters and laughing as if Massachusetts was a myth and he had no heavier burden on his shoulders than his hosts' handsome hands. Like an energetic fly in a large cobweb, I struggled through the State House, getting into all the wrong rooms and none of the right till I turned desperate and went into one, resolving not to come out till I had made somebody hear and answer me. I suspect that all the wrong places I had bundled into, this was the most so. But I didn't care, and though the apartment was full of soldiers and surgeons, starters and spatoons, I cornered a perfectly incapable person and proceeded to pump for information with the following result. Was the governor anywhere about? No, he wasn't. Could he tell me where to look? No, he couldn't. Did he know anything about free passes? No, he didn't. Was there anyone there of whom I could inquire? Not a person. Did he know of any place where information could be obtained? Not a place. Could he throw the smallest gleam of light upon the matter in any way? Not a ray. I am naturally irascible, and if I could have shaken this negative gentleman vigorously, the relief would have been immense. The prejudices of society forbidding this mode of redress, I merely glowered at him and before my wrath found vent in words, my general appeared, forcing me from an opposite window and come to know what I was about. At her command, the language gentleman woke up and troubled himself to remember that Major, or Sergeant, or something, McKay, knew all about the tickets and his office was in Milk Street. I perked up Insulinter, and then, as if the exertion was too much for him, what did this animated, what blanket do but add? I think McKay may have left Milk Street now and I don't know where he is gone. Never mind, the newcomers will know where he has moved to, my dear, so don't be discouraged, and if you don't succeed, come to me and we will see what to do next, said my general. I blessed her in a fervent manner and a cool hall, fluttered round the corner and bored down upon Milk Street, bent on discovering McKay if such a being was to be found. He wasn't, and the ignorance in the neighborhood was really pitiable. Nobody knew anything, and after tumbling over bundles of leather, bumping against big boxes, being nearly annihilated by descending bales and sworn at by aggravated truckmen, I finally elicited the advice to look for McKay in Haymarket Square. Who my informant was, I've really forgotten, for having held several busy gentlemen, one of them fabricated this delusive quietess for the perturbed spirit who instantly departed to the sequestered locality he named. If I had been in search of the coroner diamond, I should have been as likely to find it there as any vestige of McKay. I stared at signs inquired in shops, invaded an eating house, visited the recruiting tent in the middle of the square, made myself a nuisance generally, cumulated mud enough to retard another Nile. All in vain and I mournfully turned my face toward the general's feeling that I should be forced to enrich the railroad company after all when suddenly I beheld that admirable young man brother-in-law Darby Kubiti Esquire. I rested him with a burst of news and wands and woes which caused his manly countenance to lose its usual repose. Oh my dear boy, I'm going to Washington at five and I can't find the free ticket man and there won't be time to see Joan and I'm so tired and cross, I don't know what to do and will you help me like a cherub as you are? Oh yes, of course. I know a fellow who will set us right responded Darby, mildly excited and darting into some kind of an office held counsel with an invisible angel who sent him out radiant. All serene. I've got him. I'll see you through the business and then get Joan from the dove coat in time to see you off. I'm a woman's rights woman and if any man had offered help in the morning I should have condescendingly refused it sure that I could do everything as well if not better myself. My strong-mindedness had rather abated since then and I was now quite ready to be a timid trembler if necessary. Dear me, how easily Darby did it all. Asked one question, received an answer, tucked me under his arm and in ten minutes I stood in the presence of McKay, the desired. Now my troubles are over, thought I and as usual was direfully mistaken. You will have to get a pass from Dr. H. in Temple Place before I can give you a pass, Madam. Answered McKay as blandly as if he wasn't carrying desolation to my soul. Oh indeed, why didn't he send me to Dorchester Heights into a war for Bunker Hill Monument and done with it? Here I was after a morning's tramp down in some place about Dock Square and was told to step to Temple Place. Nor was that all, he might as well have asked me to catch a hummingbird, toast a salamander, or call on the man in the moon as find a doctor at home at the busiest hour of the day. It was a blow, but we're in his head to extinguish enthusiasm and resignation clothed me as a garment. I sent Darby for Joan and doggedly paddled off, feeling that mud was my native element and quite sure that the evening papers would announce the appearance of a wandering Jew in feminine habiliments. Is Dr. H. in? No, Mom, he ain't. Of course he wasn't, I knew that before I asked and considering it all in the light of a hollow mockery he'd probably return. If the damsel had said ten tonight I should have felt a grim satisfaction in the fulfillment of my own dark prophecy but she said, at two, Mom, and I felt it a personal insult. I'll call them, tell him my business is important with which mysteriously delivered message I departed hoping that I left her consumed with curiosity for mud rendered me an object of interest. By the way of resting myself in the common, for the third time, bespoke the carriage, got some lunch, packed my purchases, smoothed my plumage and was back again as the clock struck two. The doctor hadn't come yet and I was morally certain that he would not till, having waited till the last minute, I was driven to buy a ticket and five minutes after the irrevocable deed was done he would be at my service with all manner of helpful documents and directions. Everything goes by contraries with me so having made up my mind to be disappointed of course I wasn't for a presently in-walked Dr. H and no sooner had he heard my errand and glanced at my credentials that he said with the most engaging readiness I will give you the order with pleasure, Madam. Words cannot express how soothing and delightful it was to find at last somebody who could do what I wanted without sending me from Dan to Beersheba for a dozen other to do something else first. Peace descended like oil upon the ruffled waters of my being as I sat listening to the busy scratch of his pen and when he turned about giving me not only the order but a paper of directions wherewith to smooth away all difficulties between Boston and Washington I felt as did poor Christian when the evangelist gave him a scroll on the safe side of the slough of despond. I've no doubt many dismal nurses have inflicted themselves upon the worthy gentlemen since then but I am sure none have been more kindly helped or are more grateful than TP for that short interview added another to the many pleasant associations that already surround his name. Feeling myself no longer a Martha Struggles but a comfortable young woman with plain sailing before her and the worst of the voyage well over I once more presented myself to the valuable Mackay. The order was read and certain printed papers necessary to be filled out were given a young gentleman know I prefer to say boy with a scornful emphasis upon the word as the only means of revenge now left me. This boy instead of doing his duty with the diligence so charming in the young loitered and lounged in a manner which proved his education to have been sadly neglected in the how doth the little busy be direction. He stared at me gaped out of the window ate peanuts and gossiped with his neighbors boys like himself and all penned in a row like cults in a cattle show. I don't imagine he knew the anguish he was inflicting for it was nearly three the train left at five and I had my ticket to get my blessed sister to see and the depot to reach if I didn't die of apoplexy. Meanwhile, patients certainly had her perfect work that day and I hoped she enjoyed the job more than I did. Having waited some twenty minutes it pleased this reprehensible boy to make various marks and blots on my documents tossed them to a venerable creature of sixteen who delivered them to me with such paternal directions that it only needed a pet on the head and encouraging now run home to your ma little girl and mine the crossings my dear to make the illusion quite perfect. Why I was sent to a steamboat office for car tickets is not for me to say though I went as meekly as I should have gone to the probate court if sent. A fat easy gentleman gave me several bits of paper with coupons attached with a warning not to separate them which instantly inspired me with a yearning to see what came of it. But remembering through what fear and tribulation I had obtained them I curbed Satan's promises and clutching my prize as if it were my past to the Elysian fields I hurried home. Dinner was rapidly consumed Joan enlightened comforted and kissed the dearest of apple-faced cousins hugged the kindest of apple-faced cousins' fathers subjected to the same process and I mounted the ambulance, baggage wagon, or anything you please but hack and drove away too tired to feel excited, sorry, or glad. End of Chapter 1 Obtaining Supplies This has been a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. Hospital sketches by Louisa May Alcott Chapter 2 A Forward Movement This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or how to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Chapter 2 A Forward Movement As travelers like to give their own impressions of a journey, though every inch of the way may have been described a half a dozen times before I add some of the notes made by the way hoping that they will amuse the reader and convince the skeptical that such a being as Nurse Perry Winkle does exist that she really did go to Washington and that these sketches are not romance. New York train 7 p.m. spinning along to take the boat at New London. Very comfortable, much gingerbread and Mrs. C's fine pair which deserves honorable mention because my first loneliness was comforted by it and pleasant recollections of both kindly sender and bearer. Look much at Dr. H's paper of directions, put my tickets in every conceivable place that they may be get edible and finish by losing them entirely.  Put them in the inmost corner of my purse that in the deepest recesses of my pocket pile a collection of miscellaneous articles atop and pin up the hole. Just get composed feeling that I've done my best to keep them safely when the conductor appears and I'm forced to route them all out again exposing my precautions and getting into a flutter at keeping the man waiting. Finally fasten them on the seat before me and keep one eye steadily upon the yellow torments till I forget all about them in chat with the gentleman who shares my seat. Having heard complaints of the absurd way in which American women become images of petrified propriety if addressed by strangers when traveling alone the inborn perversity of my nature causes me to assume an entirely opposite style of deportment and finding my companion, hails from little Athens, is acquainted with several of my 365 cousins and in every way a respectable and respectful member of society, I put my bashfulness in my pocket and plunge into a long conversation on the war, the weather, music, carlile, skating, genius, hoops and the immortality of the soul. 10pm, very sleepy nothing to be seen outside but darkness made visible nothing inside but every variety of bunch into which the human form can be twisted, rolled or masked as Miss Prescott says of her jewels Every man's legs sprawled drowsily, every woman's head, but mine, nods till it finally settles on somebody's shoulder a new proof of the truth that the everlasting oak and vine simile, children fret, lovers whisper old folks snore and somebody privately imbibes brandy when the lamps go out The penetrating perfume rouses the multitude causing some to start up like war horses at the smell of powder When the lamps are relighted, everyone laughs, sniffs and looks inquiringly at his neighbor everyone but a stout gentleman who, with well-gloved hands folded upon his broadcloth rotundity, sleeps on impressively Had he been innocent he would have waked up for to slumber in that bay-black manner with a car full of giggling, staring, sniffing humanity was simply preposterous Public suspicion was down upon him at once I doubt if the appearance of a flat black bottle with a label would have settled the matter more effectually than did the over-dignified and profound repose of his short-sighted being His moral neckcloth, virtuous boots and pious attitude availed him nothing and it was well he kept his eyes shut for humbug, twinkle to him from every window-pane brass-nail and human eye around him 11 p.m. in the boat, city of Boston escorted thither by my car acquaintance and deposited in the cabin trying to look as if the greater portion of my life had been passed on board-boats but painfully conscious that I don't know the first thing so sit bolt upright and stare about me till I hear one lady say to another, we must secure our births at once whereupon I dart at one and while leisurely taking off my cloak wait to discover what the second move may be several ladies draw the curtains that hang in a semi-circle before each nest instantly I whisk mine smartly together and then peep out to see what next gradually on hooks above the blue and yellow drapery appear the coats and bonnets of my neighbors while their boots and shoes in every imaginable attitude assert themselves below as if their owners had committed suicide in a body a violent creaking, scrambling and fussing causes the fact that people are going leisurely to bed to dawn upon my mind of course they are and so am I but pause at the seventh pin remembering that as I was born to be drown an eligible opportunity now presents itself and having twice escaped a watery grave the third immersion will certainly extinguish my vital spark the boat is new but if it ever intends to blow up, spring a leak catch a fire or be run into it will do the deed tonight because I'm here to fulfill my destiny with tragic calmness I resign myself, replace my pins lash my purse and papers together with my handkerchief examine the saving circumference of my hoop and look about me for any means of deliverance when the moist moment shall arrive for I have no intention of folding my hands and bubbling to death without an energetic splashing first barrels, hencoops, portable satis and life preservers do not adorn the cabin as they should and roving wildly to and fro my eye sees no ray of hope till it falls upon a plump old lady devoutly reading in the cabin bible and a voluminous nightcap I remember that at the swimming school fat girls always floated best and in an instant my plan was laid at the first alarm I firmly attached myself to the plump lady and cling to her through fire and water for I feel that my old enemy, the cramp will seize me by the foot if I attempt to swim and though I can hardly expect to reach Jersey City with myself and my baggage in as good condition as I hoped I might manage to get picked up by holding to my fat friend if not it will be a comfort feel that I've made an effort and shall die poor dear woman how little she dreamed as she read and rocked with her cap in a high state of starch and her feet comfortably cooking at the register what fell designs were hovering about her and how intently a small but determined I watched her till it suddenly closed sleep got the better of fear to such an extent that my boots appeared to gape and my bonnet knotted on its peg before I gave in having piled my cloak bag, rubbers, boots and umbrella on the lower shelf I drowsily swarmed onto the upper one tumbling down a few times and excoriating the knobby portions of my frame in the act a very brief nap on the upper roost was enough to set me gasping as if a dozen feather beds and a whole boat were laid over me out I turned and after a series of convulsions which caused my neighbor to ask if I wanted the stewardess I managed to get my luggage up and myself down but even in the lower berth my rest was not unbroken for various articles kept dropping off a little shelf at the bottom of the bed and every time I flew up thinking my hour had come I bumped my head severely against the little shelf at the top evidently put there for that express purpose at last after listening to the swash of the ways outside wondering if the machinery usually creaked in that way and watching a knot hole in the side of my berth sure that death would creep in there as soon as I took my eye from it I dropped asleep and dreamed of muffins 5 a.m. on deck trying to wake up and enjoy and east wind and a morning fog and a twilight sort of view of something on the shore rapidly achieve my purpose and do enjoy every moment as we go rushing through the sound with steamboats passing up and down lights dancing on the shore missed wreaths slowly furling off and a pale pink sky above us as the sun comes up 7 a.m. in the cars at Jersey City much fuss with tickets which one man scribbles over another snips and a third makes no-ton partake of refreshment in the gloom of a very large and dirty depot think that my sandwiches would be more relishing without so strong a flavor of napkin and my gingerbread more easy of consumption if it had not been pulverized by being set upon people act as if early traveling didn't agree with them children scream and scamper men smoke and growl women shiver and fret porters swear great truck horses pace up and down with loads of baggage and everyone seems to get into the wrong car and come tumbling out again one man with three children a dog a birdcage and several bundles puts himself and his possessions into every possible place where a man three children dog birdcage and bundles could be got and is satisfied with none of them I follow their movements with an interest that is really exhausting and as they vanish hope for rest but don't get it a strong minded woman with a tumbler in her hand and no cloak or shawl on comes rushing through the car talking loudly to a small porter who lugs a folding bed after her and looks as if life were a burden to him you promise to have it ready it is not ready it must be a car with a water jug the windows must be shut the fire must be kept up the blinds must be down no this won't do I shall go through the whole train and suit myself for you promise to have it ready it is not ready and see all through again like a hand organ she haunted the cars the depot the office and baggage room with her bed her tumbler and her tongue till the train started and a sense of fervent gratitude filled my soul when I found that she and her unknown invalid were not to share our car Philadelphia an old place full of Dutch women in Bell's Top Bonnets selling vegetables in long open markets everyone seems to be scrubbing their white steps all the houses look like tidy jails with their outside shutters several have crepe on the door handles and many have flags frying on roof or balcony few men appear and the women seem to do all the business which perhaps accounts for its being so well done pass fine buildings but don't know what they are would like to stop and see my native city for having left it at the tender age of two my recollections are not vivid Baltimore a big dirty shipy, shiftless place full of goats, geese, colored people and coal at least the part of it I see pass near the spot where the riot took place and feel as if I should enjoy throwing a stone at somebody hard find a guard at the ferry the depot and here and there along the road a camp whitens one hillside and a calvary training school or whatever it should be called is a very interesting site with quantities of young writers galloping marching, leaping and skirmishing over all manner of break neck places a party of English people get in the men with sandy hair and red whiskers all trimmed alike to a hair rough grey coats very rosy clean faces and a fine full way of speaking which is particularly agreeable after our slip-shod American gavel the two ladies wear white velvet fur-trimmed hoods are done up like compact bundles in tartan shawls and look as if bent on seeing everything thoroughly the devotion of one elderly John Bull to his red-nosed spouse was really beautiful to behold she was plain and cross and fussy and stupid but J. B. Esquire read no papers when she was awake turned no cold shoulder when she wished to sleep and said yes me dear to every wish or want the wife of his bosom expressed I quite warmed to the excellent man and asked a question or two as the only means of expressing my good will he answered very civilly but evidently had been used to being addressed by strange women in public conveyances and Mrs. B fixed her green eyes upon me as if she thought me a forward hussy or whatever is good for a presuming young woman the pair left their friends before we reached Washington and the last I saw of them was a vision of a large plaid lady stalking grimly away on the arm of a rosy stout gentleman loaded with rugs, bags, and books but still devoted, still smiling and waving a hearty far you well we'll meet she at Willards on Chose Day soon after their departure we had an accident for a long journey in America would be complete without one a coupling iron broke and after leaving the last car behind us we waited for it to come up which it did with a crash that knocked everyone forward on their faces and caused several old ladies to screech dismal hats flew off bonnets were flattened the stove skipped the lamps fell down the water jar turned to somersault and they were ready to go to the next stage of course it became necessary for all the men to get out and stand about in everybody's way while repairs were made and for the women to wrestle their heads out of the windows asking 99 foolish questions to one sensible one a few wise females seized this favorable moment to better their seats well knowing that few men could have invaded the country through which we passed did not seem so very unlike that which I had left except that it was more level and less wintry in summertime the wide fields would have shown me new sights and the wayside hedges blossomed with new flowers now everything was sear and sodden and a general air of shiplessness prevailed which would have caused a New England farmer and a strong desire to buckle to and write up things dreary little houses with chimneys built outside with clay and rough sticks piled crosswise as we used to build cob towers stood in barren looking fields with cow, pig, or mule lounging about the door we often passed colored people looking as if they had come out of a picture book or off the stage but not at all sort of people I'd been accustomed to see at the north wayside encampments made the fields and lanes gay with blue coats and the glitter of buttons military washes flapped and fluttered on the fences pots were steaming in the open air all sorts of tableaux seen through the openings of tents and everywhere the boys threw up their caps and cut capers as we passed Washington it was dark when we arrived and but for the presence of another friendly gentleman I should have yielded myself a helpless prey to the first overpowering hackman who insisted that I wanted to go just where I didn't putting me into the conveyance I belonged in, my escort added to the obligation by pointing out the objects of interest which we passed in our long drive though I'd often been told that Washington was a spacious place it's visible magnitude quite took my breath away and of course I quoted Randolph's expression a city of magnificent distances as I suppose everyone does when they see it the capital was so like the pictures that hang opposite the staring father of his country in boarding houses and hotels that it did not impress me except to recall the time when I was sure that Bella went to housekeeping in just such a place after she had married the inflammable prince though even at that early period I had my doubts as to the wisdom of a match whose foundation was of glass the White House was lighted up and carriages were rolling in and out of the Great Gate I stared hard at the famous East Room and would have liked to peep through the crack of the door my old gentleman was indefatigable in his attentions and I said splendid to everything he pointed out though I suspect I often admired the wrong place and missed the right Pennsylvania Avenue with his bustle, lights, music and military made me feel as if I'd crossed the water and landed somewhere in Carnival time coming to less notable parts of the city my companion fell silent and I mediated upon the perfection which art had attained in America having just passed a bronze statue of some hero who looked like a black Methodist minister in a cocked hat above the waist and a tipsy squire below while his horse stood like an opera dancer on one leg in a high but somewhat remarkable wind which blew his mane one way and his massive tail the other hurly-burly hush ma'am called a voice startling me from my reverie as we stopped before a great pile of buildings with a flag flying before it sentinels at the door and a very trying quantity of men lounging about my heart beat rather faster than usual and it suddenly struck me that I was very far from home but I descended with dignity wondering whether I should be stopped for want of a counter sign and forced to pass the night in the street marching boldly up the steps I found that no form was necessary for the men fell back the guard touched their caps a boy opened the door and as it closed behind me I felt that I was fairly started and nurse periwinkle's mission was begun End of Chapter 2 A Forward Movement Hospital sketches by Louisa May Alcott Chapter 3 A Day This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or how to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Chapter 3 A Day They've come they've come hurry up ladies you're wanted who have come the rebels this sudden summons in the gray like myself and as the thundering knot came at our door I sprang up in my bed prepared to gird my woman's form and on the ramparts die if necessary but my roommate took it more coolly and as she began a rapid toilet answered my bewildered question bless you no child it's the wounded from Fredericksburg 40 ambulances are at the door and we shall have our hands full in 15 minutes what shall we have to do wash, dress, feed warm and nurse them for the next three months I daresay 80 beds are ready and we were getting impatient for the men to come now you will begin to see hospital life in earnest for you won't probably find time to sit down all day and may thank yourself fortunate if you get to bed by midnight come to me in the ballroom when you are ready the worst cases are always carried there and I shall need your help so saying the energetic little woman twirled her hair into a button at the back of her head in a cleared for action sort of style and vanished wrestling her way into a feminine kind of pee jacket as she went I am free to confess that I had a realizing sense of the fact that my hospital bed was not a bed of roses just then or the prospect before me one of unmingled rapture my three days experiences had begun with the death and owing defecation of another nurse a somewhat abrupt plunge into the superintendence of a ward containing 40 beds where I spent my shining hours washing faces serving rations giving medicine and sitting in a very hard chair with pneumonia on one side diphtheria on the other five typhoids on the opposite and a dozen dilapidated patriots hopping, lying and lounging about all staring more or less at the new nurse who suffered untold agonies but concealed them under as maternly an aspect as a spinster could assume and blundered through her trying labors with a Spartan firmness which I hope they appreciated but am afraid they didn't having a taste for ghastliness I had rather longed for the wounded to arrive for rheumatism wasn't heroic neither was liver complaint or measles even fever had lost its charms since bathing burning brows had been used up in romances real and ideal but when I peeped into the dusky street lined with what I at first had innocently called market carts now unloading their sad freight at our door I recalled sundry reminiscences I had heard from nurses of longer standing my ardor experienced a sudden chill and I indulged in a most unpatriotic wish that I was safe at home again a quiet day before me and no necessity for being hustled up as if I were a hen and had only to hop off my roost give my plumage a peck and be ready for action a second bang at the door sent this requiem desire to the right about and a little woolly head popped in and joey a six years old contraband announced miss blanks is just wild for you and says fly round right away they's come in I tell your heaps on them but dead not seen them ha warranty a goner with which cheerful intelligence the imp scuttled away singing like a blackbird and I followed feeling that Richard was not himself again and wouldn't be for a long time to come the first thing I met was a regiment of the vilest odors that ever assaulted the human nose and took it by storm cologne with its seven and seventy evil savers was a posy bed to it and the worst of this affliction was everyone had assured me that it was a chronic weakness of all hospitals and I must bear it I did armed with lavender water with which I so be sprinkled myself and premises that like my friend seri I was soon known among my patients as the nurse with the bottle having been run over by three excited surgeons bumped against by migratory call hods water pails and small boys nearly scalded by an avalanche of newly filled teapots and hopelessly entangled in a knot of colored sisters coming to wash I progressed by slow stages upstairs and down till the main hall was reached and I paused to take breath and a survey there they were our brave boys as the papers just they call them for cowards could hardly have been so riddled with shot and shell so torn and shattered nor have born suffering for which we have no name with an uncomplaining fortitude which made one glad to cherish each as a brother in they came some on stretchers some in men's arms some feebly staggering along propped on rude crutches and one lay stark and still with covered face as a comrade gave his name to be recorded or they carried him away to the dead house all was hurry and confusion the hall was full of these wrecks of humanity for the most exhausted could not reach a bed till duly ticketed and registered the walls were lined with rows of such as could sit the floor covered with the more disabled the steps and doorways filled with helpers and lookers on the sound of many feet and voices made that usually quiet hour as noisy and in the midst of it all the matrons motherly face brought more comfort to many a poor soul than the cordial drafts she administered or the cheery words that welcomed all making of the hospital a home the sight of several stretchers each with its legless armless or desperately wounded occupant entering my ward admonished me that I was there to work not to wander or weep so I corked up my feelings turned to the path of duty which was rather a hard road to travel just then the house had been a hotel before hospitals were needed and many of the doors still bore their old names some not so inappropriate as might be imagined for my ward was in truth a ballroom if gunshot wounds could christen it 40 beds were prepared many already tenanted by tired men who fell down anywhere and drowsed till the smell of food roused them round the great stove was gathered the dreariest group I ever saw ragged gaunt and pale mud to the knees with bloody bandages untouched since put on days before many bundled up in blankets coats being lost or useless and all wearing that disheartened look which proclaimed defeat more plainly than any telegram of the Burnside Blunder I pity them so much I dared not speak to them though remembering all they had been through since the routed Fredericksburg I yearned to serve the dreariest of them all presently Miss Blank tore me from my refuge behind piles of one-sleeved shirts odd socks bandages and lint put basin, sponge towels and a block of brown soap open to my hands with these appalling directions come, my dear begin to wash as fast as you can tell them to take off socks coats and shirts, scrub them well put on clean shirts and the attendants will finish them off and lay them in bed if she had requested me to shave them all or dance a hornpipe on the stove funnel I should have been less staggered but to scrub some dozen lords of creation at a moment's notice was really really however, there was no time for nonsense and having resolved when I came to do everything I was bid I drowned my scruples in my washbowl clutched my soap manfully and assuming a business like air made a dab at the very first dirty specimen I saw bent on performing my task via armists if necessary I chanced to light on a withered old Irishman wounded in the head which caused that portion of his frame tastefully laid out like a garden the bandages being the walks his hair the shrubbery he was so overpowered by the honor of having a lady wash him as he expressed it that he did nothing but roll up his eyes and bless me in an irresistible style which was too much for my sense of the ludicrous so he laughed together and when I knelt down to take off his shoes he flopped also and wouldn't hear of my touching them dirty craters may your bed above be easy darlin for the day's work yard dune whoosh there you are and bidad it's hard tattin which is the dirtiest the foot of the shoe it was and if he hadn't been to the fore I should have gone on pulling under the impression that the foot was a boot for trousers socks shoes and legs were a mass of mud this comical tableau produced a general grin at which propitious beginning I took heart and scrubbed away like any tidy parent on a Saturday night some of them took the performance like sleepy children laning their tired heads against me as I worked others looked grimly scandalized and several of the roughest colored like bashful girls one were a soiled little bag about his neck and as I moved it to bathe his wounded breast I said your talisman didn't save you did it well I reckon it did marm for that shot would have gone a couple inches deeper but for my old mammy's camphor bag answered the cheerful philosopher another with a gunshot wound through the cheek asked for a looking glass and when I brought one regarded his swollen face with a dolerous expression as he muttered ah vow to gosh that's too bad I weren't a bad looking chap before and now I'm done for won't there be a thunder and scar and what on earth will Josephine Skinner say he looked up at me with his one eye so appealingly that I controlled my risibles and assured him that if Josephine was a girl of sense she would admire the honorable scar as a lasting proof that he had faced the enemy for all women thought a wound the best decoration a brave soldier could wear I hope Miss Skinner verified the good opinion I so rashly expressed of her but I shall never know the next scrubby was a nice looking lad with a curly brown mane and a budding trace of gingerbread over the lip which he called his beard and defended stoutly when the barber jocously suggested its emulation he lay on a bed with one leg gone and the right arm so shattered that it must evidently follow yet the little sergeant was as merry as if his afflictions were not worth lamenting over and when a drop or two of salt water mingled with my suds at the sight of this strong young body so marred and maimed the boy looked up with a brave smile though there was a little quiver of the lips as he said now don't you fret yourself about me miss I'm first raid here for its nuts to lie still on this bed after knocking about in those confounded ambulances that shake what there is left of a fellow to jelly I never was in one of these places before thinking this cleaning up a jolly thing for us though I'm afraid it isn't for you ladies is this your first battle sergeant no miss I've been in six grimages and never got a scratch till this last one but it's done the business pretty thoroughly for me I should say lord what a scramble there will be for arms and legs when we old boys come out of our graves on the judgment day wonder if we shall get our own again if we do my leg will have to tramp from Luxburg my arm from here I suppose and meet my body wherever it may be the fancy seemed to tickle him mightily for he laughed blithely and so did I which no doubt caused the new nurse to be regarded as a light-minded sinner by the chaplain who roamed vaguely about informing the men that they were all worms corrupt of heart imperishable bodies and souls only to be saved by a diligent perusal of certain tracks and other equally cheering bits of spiritual consolation when spiritist ditto would have been preferred I say miss called a voice behind me and turning I saw a rough michigander with an arm blown off at the shoulder and two or three bullets still in him as he afterwards mentioned as carelessly as if gentlemen were in the habit of carrying such trifles about with them I went to him and while administering a dose of this open water he whispered irefully that red-headed devil over yonder is a reb, damn him, you'll agree to that I bet he's got shed of a foot and he'd have cut like the rest of the lot don't you wash him nor feed him but just let him holler till he's tired it's a blast of shame to fetch these fellows in here alongside of us and so I'll tell the chap that bosses this concern cuss me if I don't I regret to say that I did not deliver a moral sermon upon the duty of forgiving our enemies and the sin of profanity then and there but being a red-hot abolitionist stared fixedly at the tall rebel who was a copperhead in every sense of the word and privately resolved to put soap in his eyes rub his nose the wrong way and excoriate his cuticle generally if I had the washing of him my amiable intentions however were frustrated for when I approached with as Christian and expression as my principles would allow and ask the question shall I try to make you more comfortable sir all I got for my pains was a gruff no I'll do it myself here's your southern chivalry with a witness thought I dumping the basin down before him thereby quenching a strong desire to give him a summary baptism in return for his ungraciousness for my angry passions rose at this rebuff in a way that would have scandalized good doctor Watts he was a disappointment in all respects the rebel not the blessed doctor for he was neither fiendish romantic pathetic or anything interesting but a long fat man with a head like a burning bush and a perfectly expressionless face so I could dislike him without the slightest drawback and ignored his existence from that day forth one redeeming trait he certainly did possess as the florist speedily testified for his ablutions were so vigorously performed that his bed soon stood like an isolated island in a sea of soap suds and he resembled a dripping merman suffering from the loss of a fin if cleanliness isn't your neighbor to godliness then was the big rebel the godliest man in my word that day having done up our human wash and laid it out to dry the second syllable of our version of the word warfare was enacted with much success great trays of bread, meat, soup, and coffee appeared and both nurses and attendants turned waiters serving bountiful rations to all who could eat I can call my pinafore to testify to my goodwill in the work for in ten minutes it was reduced to a perambulating ill affair presenting samples of all the refreshments going or gone it was a lively scene the long room lined with rows of beds each filled by an occupant whom water shears and cleaned raiment had transformed from a dismal ragamuffin into a recumbent hero with a cropped head to and fro rushed matrons, maids, and convalescent boys skirmishing with knives and forks retreating with empty plates marching and counter marching with unvaried success while the clash of busy spoons made most inspiring music for the charge of our light brigade beds to the front of them beds to the right of them beds to the left of them nobody blundered beamed at by hungry souls screamed at with brimming bulls steamed at by army rolls buttered and saundered with coffee not cannon-plied each must be satisfied whether they lived or died all the men wandered very welcome seemed the generous meal after a week of suffering, exposure and short commons soon the brown faces began to smile as food, warmth, and rest did their pleasant work and the grateful thank-y's were followed by more graphic counts of the battle and retreat than any paid reporter could have given us curious contrasts of the tragic and comic met one everywhere and some touching as well as ludicrous episodes might have been recorded that day a six-foot New Hampshire man with a leg broken and perforated by a piece of shell so large that had I not seen the wound I should have regarded the story as a moon-causinism beckoned me to come and help him as he could not sit up and both his bed and beard were getting plentifully anointed with soup as I fed my big nestling with corresponding mouthfuls I asked him how he felt during the battle well it was my first you see so I ain't ashamed to say that I was a truffle flustered in the beginning there was such an all-fired racket for if there's anything I do spleen again its noise but when my mate F. Sylvester caved with a bullet through his head I got mad and pitched in licking it cut our part of the fight didn't last long so a lot of us larked round Fredericksburg and give some of them houses a pretty considerable of a rummage till we was ordered out of the mess some of our fellows cut like time but I weren't to go and to run for nobody and first thing I knew a shell bus right in front of us and I keeled over feeling as if blowing higher than a kite I sung out and the boys came back for me double quick but the way they chucked me over the fences was a caution I tell you next day I was most as black as that dark yonder licking plates on the sly this is bully coffee ain't it give us another pull at it and I'll be a bleach to you I did and as the last gulp subsided he said with a rub of his old handkerchief over eyes as well as looking here I got a pair of ear bobs and a handkerchief pin I'm going to give you if you'll have them for you're the very more low Lizzy Sylvester poor f-swath that's why I signaled you to come over here they ain't much I guess but they'll do to memorize the ribs by burrowing under his pillow he produced a little bundle of what he called truck and gallantly presented me with a pair of earrings each representing a cluster of corpulent grapes and the pin a basket of astonishing fruit the whole large and coppery enough for a small warming pan feeling delicate about depriving him of such valuable relics I accepted the earrings alone and was obliged to depart somewhat abruptly when my friend stuck the warming pan in the bosom of his nightgown viewing it with much complacency and perhaps some tender memory in that rough heart of his for the comrade he had lost observing that the man next to him had left his meal untouched I offered the same service I had performed for his neighbor but he shook his head thank you ma'am I don't think I'll ever eat again for I'm shot in the stomach but I'd like a drink of water if you ain't too busy I rushed away but the water pails were gone to be refilled and it was some time before they reappeared I did not forget my patient patient meanwhile and with the first mug full hurried back to him he seemed to sleep but something in the tired white face caused me to listen at his lips for a breath none came I touched his forehead it was cold and then I knew that while he waited a better nurse than I had given him a cooler draft and healed him with a touch I laid the sheet over the quiet sleeper whom no noise could now disturb and half an hour later the bed was empty it seemed a poor requital for all he had sacrificed and suffered that hospital bed lonely even in a crowd for there was no familiar face for him to look his last upon no friendly voice to say goodbye no hand to lead him gently down into the valley of the shadow and he vanished like a drop in that red sea upon whose shores so many women stand lamenting for a moment I felt bitterly indignant at this seeming carelessness of the value of life the sanctity of death then consoled myself with the thought that when the great muster role was called these nameless men might be promoted above many whose tall monuments record the barren honors they have won all having eaten drank and rested the surgeons began their rounds and I took my first lesson in the art of dressing wounds it wasn't a festive scene by any means for Dr. P whose aid I constituted myself fell to work with a vigor which soon convinced me that I was a weaker vessel though nothing would have induced me to confess it then he had served in the Crimea and seemed to regard a dilapidated body very much as I should have regarded a damaged garment and turning up his cuffs whipped out a very unpleasant looking housewife cutting, sawing, patching and piecing with the enthusiasm of an accomplished surgical seamstress explaining the process in scientific terms to the patient meanwhile which of course was immensely cheering and comfortable there was an uncanny sort of fascination in watching him as he peered and probed into the mechanism of those wonderful bodies whose mysteries he understood so well the more intricate the wound the better he liked it a poor private with both legs off and shot through the lungs possessed more attractions for him than a dozen generals slightly scratched in some masterly retreat and had anyone appeared in small pieces requesting to be put together again he would have considered it a special dispensation the amputations were reserved till tomorrow and the merciful magic of ether was not thought necessary that day so the poor souls had to bear their pains as best they might it is all very well to talk of the patience of woman and far be it for me to pluck that feather from her cap for heavens knows she isn't allowed to wear many but the patient endurance of these men under trials of the flesh was truly beautiful their fortitude seemed contagious and scarcely a cry escaped them though I often longed to groan for them when pride kept their white lips shut while great drops stood upon their foreheads and the bed shook with the irrepressible tremor of their tortured bodies one or two Irish men anathematized the doctors with the frankness of their nation and ordered the virgin to stand by them the wedded bitty to whom they could administer the poker if she didn't but as a general thing the work went on in silence broken only by some quiet request for roller instruments or plaster a sigh from the patient or a sympathizing murmur from the nurse it was long past noon before these repairs were even partially made and having got the bodies of my boys into something like order the next was to minister to their minds by writing letters to the anxious souls at home answering questions reading papers taking possession of money and valuables for the eighth commandment was reduced to a very fragmentary condition both by the blacks and whites who ornamented our hospital with their presence pocketbooks purses miniatures and watches were sealed up labeled and handed over to the women till such times as the owners thereof were made ready to depart homeward or campward again the letters dictated to me and revised by me that afternoon would have made an excellent chapter for some future history of the war for like that which Thackeray's incense spoonie wrote his mother just before Waterloo they were full of affection pluck and bad spelling nearly all giving lively accounts of the battle and ending with a somewhat sudden plunge from patriotism to preventer desiring Marm Marianne or Anne Peters to send along some pies, pickles, sweet stuff and apples to yarn in haste Joe, Sam, or Ned as the case might be my little sergeant insisted on trying to scribble something with his left hand and patiently accomplished some half-dozen lines of hieroglyphics which he gave me to fold and direct with a boyish blush that rendered a glimpse of my dearest Jane unnecessary to assure me that the heroic lad had been more successful in the service of commander-in-chief Cupid than that of Jen Mars and a charming little romance blossomed instant her in nurse Michael's romantic fancy though no further confidences were made that day for sergeant fell asleep and judging from his tranquil face visited his absent sweetheart in the pleasant land of dreams at five o'clock a great bell rang and the attendance flew not to arms but to their trays to bring up supper when a second uproar announced that it was ready the newcomers woke at the sound and presently discovered that it took a very bad wound to incapacitate the defenders of the faith for the consumption of their rations the amount that some of them sequestered was amazing but when I suggested the probability of a famine hereafter to the matron that motherly lady cried out bless their hearts why shouldn't they eat it's their only amusement so fill everyone and if there's not enough ready tonight I'll lend my share to the Lord by giving it to the boys and whipping up her coffee pot and plate of toast she gladdened the eyes and stomachs of two or three dissatisfied heroes by serving them with a liberal hand and I haven't the slightest doubt that having cast her bread upon the waters it came back buttered as another large-hearted old lady was want to say then came the doctor's evening visit the administration of medicines washing feverish faces smoothing tumbled beds wetting wounds singing lullabies and preparations for the night by eleven the last labor of love was done the last good night spoken and if any needed a reward for that day's work they surely received it in the silent eloquence of those long lines of faces showing pale and peaceful in the shaded rooms as we quitted them followed by grateful glances that lighted us to bed where rest, the sweetest made our pillows soft while night and nature took our places filling that great house of pain with the healing miracles of sleep and his divine or brother death end of chapter three a day hospital sketches by Louisa May Alcott chapter four a night this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or how to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org chapter four a night being fond of the night side of nature I was soon promoted to the post of night nurse with every facility for indulging in my favorite pastime of Owling my colleague a black-eyed widow relieved me at dawn we too taking care of the ward between us like the immortal Sarri and Betsy turn and turn about I usually found my boys in the jolliest state of mind their condition allowed for it was a known fact that nurse Periwinkle objected to blue devils and entertained a belief that he who laughed most was surest of recovery at the beginning of my reign dumps and dismal prevailed the nurses looked anxious and tired the men gloomy or sad and a general hark from the tombs a doleful sound style of conversation seemed to be the fashion a state of things which caused one coming from a merry social New England town to feel as if she had got into an exhausted receiver and the instinct of self-preservation to say nothing of a philanthropic desire to serve the race caused a speedy change in ward number one more flattering than the most gracefully turned compliment more grateful than the most admiring glance was the sight of those rows of faces all strange to me a little while ago now lighting up with smiles of welcome as came among them enjoying that moment heartily with a womanly pride in their regard a motherly affection for them all the evenings were spent in reading loud writing letters waiting on and amusing the men going the rounds with doctor P as he made his second daily survey dressing my dozen wounds afresh giving last doses and making them cozy for the long hours to come till the nine o'clock bell ring the gas was turned down the day nurses went off duty the night watch came on and my nocturnal adventure began my ward was now divided into three rooms and under favor of the matron I had managed to sort out the patients in such a way that I had what I called my duty room my pleasure room and my pathetic room and worked for each in a different way one I visited armed with a dressing tray full of rollers plasters and pins another with books flowers games and gossip a third with teapots lullabies consolation and sometimes a shroud wherever the sickest or most helpless man chance to be there I held my watch often visiting the other rooms to see that the general watchman did his duty by the fires and the wounds the latter needing constant wedding not only on this accounted I meander but also to get fresher air than the close rooms afforded for owing to the stupidity of that mysterious somebody who does all the damage in the world the windows had been carefully nailed down above and the lower sashes could only be raised in the mildest weather for the men lay just below I had suggested a summary smashing of a few pains here and there when frequent appeals to headquarters had proved unveiling and daily orders to lazy attendants had come to nothing no one second the motion however and the nails were far beyond my reach for though belonging to the sisterhood of ministering angels I had no wings and might as well have asked for Jacob's letter as a pair of steps in that charitable chaos one of the harmless ghosts who bore me company during the haunted hours was Dan the watchman whom I regarded with a certain awe for though so much together I never fairly saw his face and but for his legs should never have recognized him as we seldom met by day these legs were remarkable as was his whole figure for his body was short rotund and done up in a big jacket and muffler his beard hid the lower part of his face his hat brim the upper and all I ever discovered was a pair of sleepy eyes and a very mild voice but the legs very long very thin very crooked and feeble looking like gray sausages in their tight coverings without a ray of pegged topishness about them and finished off with a pair of massive green cloth shoes very like Chinese chunks with the sales down this figure gliding noiselessly about the dimly lighted rooms was strongly suggestive of the spirit of a beer barrel mounted on corkscrews haunting the old hotel in search of its lost mates emptied and staved in long ago another goblin who frequently appeared to me was the attendant of the pathetic room a faithful soul was often up to ten two or three men weak and wandering as babies after the fever had gone the amiable creature beguiled the watches of the night by brewing jorghums of a fearful beverage which he called coffee and insisted on sharing with me coming in with a great bowl of something like mud soup scalding hot guiltless of cream rich in all pervading flavor of molasses scorch and tin pot such an amount of goodwill and neighborly kindness also went into the mess that I never could find the heart to refuse but always received it with thanks sipped it with hypocritical relish while he remained and whipped it into the slop jar the instant he departed thereby gratifying him securing one rousing laugh in the dozeous hour of the night and no one was the worst for the pigs whether they were cut off untimely in their sins or not I carefully abstained from inquiring it was a strange life a sleep half the day exploring Washington the other half and all night hovering like a massive cherubim in a red rigolette over the slumbering sons of man I liked it and found many things to amuse instruct and interest me the snores alone were quite a study varying from the mild sniff to the stentorian snort which startled the echoes and hoisted the performer erect to accuse his neighbor of the deed magnanimously forgive him and wrapping the drapery of his couch about him lie down to vocal slumber after listening for a week to this band of wind instruments I indulged in the belief that I could recognize each by the voice alone and was tempted to join the chorus by breaking out with John Brown's favorite hymn blow ye the trumpet blow I would have given much to have possessed the art of sketching for many of the faces became wonderfully interesting when unconscious some grew stern and grim the men evidently dreaming of war as they gave orders groaned over their wounds or damned the rebels vigorously some grew sad and infinitely pathetic as if the pain born silently all day revenged itself by now betraying what the man's pride had concealed so well often the roughest grew young and pleasant when sleep smoothed the hard lines away letting the real nature assert itself many almost seem to speak and I learned to know these men better by night than through any intercourse by day sometimes they disappointed me for faces that looked merry and good in the light grew bad and sly when the shadows came and though they made no confidences and words I read their lives leaving them to wander at the change of manner this midnight magic wrought in their nurse a few talked busily one drummer boy sang sweetly though no persuasions could win a note from him by day and several depended on being told what they had talked of in the morning even my constitutionals in the chilly halls possessed a certain charm for the house was never still sentinels tramped rounded all night long their muskets glittering in the wintery moonlight as they walked or stood before the doors straight and silent as figures of stone causing one to conjure up romantic visions of guarded forts sudden surprises and daring deeds for in these war times the humdrum life of Yankeedom had vanished and the most prosaic feel some thrill of that excitement which stirs the nation's heart and makes its capital a camp of hospitals wandering up and down these lower halls I often heard cries from above steps hurrying to and fro of the origins passing up or men coming down carrying a stretcher where lay a long white figure whose face was shrouded and whose fight was done sometimes I stopped to watch the passers in the street the moonlight shining on the spire opposite or the gleam of some vessel floating like a white winged seagull down the broad Potomac whose fullest flow can never wash away the red stain of the land the night whose events I have a fancy to record opened with a little comedy and closed with a great tragedy for a virtuous and useful life untimely ended is always tragic to those who see not as God sees my headquarters were beside the bed of a New Jersey boy crazed by the horrors of that dreadful Saturday a slight wound in the knee brought him here his mind had suffered more than his body some string of that delicate machine was overstrained and for days had been reliving in imagination the scenes he could not forget till his distress broke out in incoherent ravings pitiful to hear as I sat by him endeavoring to soothe his poor distracted brain by the constant touch of wet hands over his hot forehead he lay cheering his comrades on hurrying them back then counting them as they fell around him often clutching my arm to drag me from the vicinity of a bursting shell or covering up his head to screen himself from a shower of shot his face brilliant with fever his eyes restless his head never still every muscle strained and rigid while an incessant stream of defiant shouts whispered warnings and broken laments from his lips with that forceful bewilderment which makes such wanderings so hard to overhear it was past 11 and my patient was slowly weering himself into fitful intervals of quietude when in one of these pauses a curious sound arrested my attention looking over my shoulder I saw a one-legged phantom hopping nimbly down the room and going to it recognized a certain Pennsylvania gentleman whose wound fever had taken a turn for the worse and depriving him of the few wits a drunken campaign had left him set him literally tripping on the light fantastic toe toward home as he blandly informed me touching the military cap which formed a striking contrast to the severe simplicity of the rest of his decidedly undress uniform when saying the least movement produced a roar of pain or a volley of oaths but the departure of reason seemed to have wrought an agreeable change both in the man and his manners for balancing himself on one leg like a meditative stork he plunged into an animated discussion of the war the president, logger beer and enfield rifles regardless of any suggestions of mine as to the propriety of returning to bed lest he be court-martialed for desertion anything more supremely ridiculous can hardly be imagined than this figure scantily draped in white it's one foot covered with a big blue sock a dingy cap set rakingly askew on its shaven head and placid satisfaction beaming in its broad red face as it flourished a mug in one hand an old boot in the other calling them canteen and knapsack while it skipped and fluttered in the most unearthly fashion what to do with the creature I didn't know Dan was absent and if I went to find him the perambulator might festoon himself out of the window set his toga on fire or do some of his neighbors a mischief the attendant of the room was sleeping like a near relative of the celebrated seven and nothing short of pins would rouse him for he had been out that day and whiskey asserted its supremacy in balmy whiffs still declaiming in a fine blow of eloquence the demented gentleman hopped on blind and deaf to my graspings and in treaties and I was about to slam the door in his face and run for help when a second insaneer phantom all in white came to the rescue in the likeness of a big prussian who spoke no English but divined the crisis and put an end to it by bundling the lively monopod into his bed like a baby with an authoritative command to stay put which received added weight from being delivered in an odd conglomeration of French and German accompanied by warning wags of a head decorated with a yellow cotton nightcap rendered most imposing by a tassel like bell pull rather exhausted by his excursion the member from Pennsylvania subsided and after an irrepressible laugh together my prussian ally and myself were returning to our places when the echo of a sob caused us to glance along the beds it came from one in the corner such a small bed and such a tearful little face looked up at us as we stopped beside it a twelve years old drummer boy was not singing now but sobbing with a manly effort all the while to stifle the distrustful sounds that would break out what is it Teddy? I asked as he rubbed the tears away and checked himself in the middle of a great sob to answer plaintively I've got a chill man but I ain't crying for that because I'm used to it I dreamed Kit was here and when I waked up he wasn't and I couldn't help it then the boy came in with the rest and the man who was taken dead from the ambulance was the Kit well he might for when the wounded were brought from Fredericksburg the child lay in one of the camps there about and his good friend though sorely hurt himself would not leave him to the exposure and neglect of such a time and place but wrapping him in his own blanket carried him in his arms to the transport tended him during the passage and only yielded up his charge when death met him at the door of the hospital to take care and comfort for the boy for ten days Teddy had shivered or burned with fever and agu pining the while for Kit and refusing to be comforted because he had not been able to thank him for the generous protection which perhaps had cost the givers life the vivid dream that rung the childish heart with a fresh pain and when I tried the solace fitted for his years remorseful fear that haunted him found vent in a fresh burst of tears as he looked at the wasted hands I was endeavoring to warm oh if I'd only been as thin when Kit carried me as I am now maybe he wouldn't have died but I was heavy he was hurt worse than we knew and so it killed him and I didn't see him to say goodbye this thought had troubled him in secret and my assurances that his friend would probably have died at all events and that he had been assuaged the bitterness of his regretful grief at this juncture the delirious man began to shout the one legged rose up in his bed as if preparing for another dart Teddy bewailed himself more pitously than before and if ever a woman was at her wits end that distracted female was nurse periwinkle during the space of two or three minutes as she vibrated between the three beds like an agitated pendulum like a most opportune reinforcement Dan the Bandy appeared and devoted himself to the lively party leaving me free to return to my post for the prussian with a nod and a smile took the lad away to his own bed and lulled him to sleep with a soothing murmur like a mammoth humble bee I liked that in Fritz and if he ever wondered afterward at the dainties which sometimes found their way into his rations or the extra comforts of his bed he might have found a solution of the mystery in sundry person's knowledge of that fatherly action of that night hardly was I settled again when the inevitable bull appeared and its bearer delivered a message I had expected yet dreaded to receive John is going ma'am and wants to see you if you can come the moment this boy's asleep tell him so and let me know if I'm in danger of being too late my Ganymede departed and while I quieted poor Shaw I thought of John he came in a day or two after the others in one evening when I entered my pathetic room I found a lately emptied bed occupied by a large fair man with a fine face and the serenest eyes I ever met one of the earlier comers had often spoken of a friend who had remained behind and those apparently worse wounded than himself might reach a shelter first it seemed a David and Jonathan sort of friendship the man fretted for his mate and was never tired of praising John his courage sobriety self denial and unfailing kindness of heart always winding up with he's an out and out finefeller ma'am you see if he ain't I had some curiosity to behold this piece of excellence and when he came watched him for a night or two before I made friends with him to tell the truth I was a little afraid of the stately looking man whose bed had to be lengthened to accommodate his commanding stature who seldom spoke uttered no complaint asked no sympathy but tranquilly observed what went on about him and as he lay high upon his pillows a crying statement or warrior was ever fuller of real dignity than this Virginia blacksmith a most attractive face he had framed in brown hair and beard combly featured in full of vigor and yet unsubdued by pain thoughtful and often beautifully mild while watching the afflictions of others as if entirely forgetful of his own his mouth was grave and firm and plenty of will and courage in its lines but a smile could make it as sweet as any woman's and his eyes were child's eyes looking one fairly in the face with a clear straightforward glance which promised well for such as placed their faith in him he seemed to cling to life as if it were rich in duties and delights and he had learned the secret of content the only time I saw his composure disturbed was when my surgeon brought another to examine John who scrutinized their faces with an anxious look asking of the elder do you think I shall pull through sir I hope so my man and as the two passed on John's eyes still followed them with an intentness which would have won a clearer answer from them had they seen it a momentary shadow flitted over his face then came the usual serenity as if in that brief eclipse he had acknowledged the existence of some hard possibility and asking nothing yet hoping all things left the issue in God's hands with that submission which is true piety the next night as I went my rounds with Dr. P I happened to ask which man in the room probably suffered most and to my great surprise he glanced at John every breath he draws is like a stab for the ball pierced the left lung broke a rib and did no end of damage here and there so the poor lad can find neither forgetfulness nor ease because he must lie on his wounded back or suffocate it will be a hard struggle and a long one for he possesses great vitality but even his tempered life can't save him I wish it could you don't mean he must die doctor bless you there's not the slightest hope for him and you'd better tell women have a way of doing such things comfortably so I'd leave it to you he won't last more than a day or two at furthest I could have sat down on the spot and cried heartily if I had not learned the wisdom of bottling up one's tears for leisure moments such an end seemed very hard for such a man when half a dozen worn out worthless bodies round him were gathering up the remnants of wasted lives to linger on for years perhaps burdens to others daily reproaches to themselves the army needed men like John earnest brave and faithful fighting for liberty and justice with both heart and hand true soldiers of the Lord I could not give him up so soon or think with any patience of so excellent a nature robbed of its fulfillment and blundered into eternity by the freshness or stupidity of those at whose hands so many lives may be required it was an easy thing for doctor P to say tell him he must die but a cruelly hard thing to do and by no means as comfortable as he politely suggested I had not the heart to do it then and privately indulged the hope that some change for the better might take place in spite of gloomy prophecies during my task unnecessary a few minutes later as I came in again with fresh rollers I saw John sitting erect with no one to support him while the surgeon dressed his back I had never hitherto seen it done for having simpler wounds to attend to and knowing the fidelity of the attendant I had left John to him thinking it might be more agreeable and safe for both strength and experience were needed I had forgotten that the strong man might long for the gentle tendons of a woman's hands the sympathetic magnetism of a woman's presence as well as the feebler souls about him the doctor's words caused me to approach myself with neglect not of any real duty perhaps but of those little cares and kindnesses that soulless homesick spirits and make the heavy hours pass easier John looked lonely and forsaken just then as he sat with head bent hands folded on his knee and no outward sign of suffering till looking nearer I saw great tears roll down and drop upon the floor it was a new sight there for though I had seen many suffer some swore some groaned most endured silently but none wept yet it did not seem weak only very touching and straight way my fear vanished my heart opened wide and took him in as gathering the bent head in my arms as freely as if he had been a little child I said let me help you bear it John never on any human countenance have I seen so swift and beautiful a look of gratitude surprise and comfort as that which answered me more eloquently than the whispered thank you ma'am this is right good this is what I wanted then why not ask for it before I didn't like to be a trouble you seem so busy and I could manage to get on alone you shall not want it any more John nor did he for now I understood the wistful look that sometimes followed me as I went out after a brief pause beside his bed or merely a passing nod while busy with those who seem to need me more than he because more urgent in their demands now I knew that to him as to so many I was the poor substitute for mother wife or sister and in his eyes no stranger but a friend who hitherto had seemed neglectful for in his modesty he had never guessed the truth this was changed now through the tedious operation of probing bathing and dressing his wounds he leaned against me holding my hand fast and if pain rung further tears from him no one saw them fall but me when he was laid down again I hovered about him in a remorseful state of mind that would not let me rest till I had bathed his face brushed his body-brown hair set all things smooth about him and laid a knot of heath and heliotrope on his clean pillow while doing this he watched me with the satisfied expression I so like to see he offered the little nose-gay held it carefully in his great hand smoothed a ruffled leaf or two surveyed and smelt it with an air of genuine delight and lay contentedly regarding the glimmer of the sunshine on the green although the manliest man among my forty he said, yes ma'am like a little boy received suggestions for his comfort with the quick smile that brightened his whole face and now and then as I stood tidying the table by his bed I felt him softly touch my gown as if to assure himself that I was there Anything more natural and frank I never saw and found this brave John as bashful as brave yet full of excellencies and fine aspirations which, having no power to express themselves in words seemed to have bloomed into his character and made him what he was After that night an hour of each evening I felt him was devoted to his ease or pleasure he could not talk much for breath was precious and he spoke in whispers but from occasional conversations I gleaned scraps of private history which only added to the affection and respect I felt for him Once he asked me to write a letter and as I settled pen and paper I said with an irrepressible glimmer of feminine curiosity to wife or mother, John Neither, ma'am I've got no wife and will write to mother myself when I get better Do you think I was married because of this? He asked, touching a plain ring he wore and often turned thoughtfully on his finger when he lay alone Partly that, but more from a settled sort of look you have a look which young men seldom get until they marry I didn't know that but I'm not so very young, ma'am 30 in May and have been what you might call settled this ten years for mother's a widow I'm the oldest child she has and it wouldn't do for me to marry until Lizzie has a home of her own and Lori's learned his trade for we're not rich and I must be father to the children and husband to the dear old woman if I can No doubt but you are both, John yet how came you to go to war if you felt so, wasn't enlisting as bad as marrying No, ma'am, not as I see it for one is helping my neighbor the other pleasing myself I went because I couldn't help it I didn't want the glory or the pay I wanted the right thing done and people kept saying the men who were in earnest ought to fight I was in earnest and the Lord knows but I held off as long as I could not knowing which was my duty mother saw the case gave me her ring to keep me steady and said go so I went a short story and a simple one but the man and the mother were portrayed better than pages a fine writing could have done it do you ever regret that you came when you lie here suffering so much never ma'am I haven't helped a great deal but I've shown I was willing to give my life and perhaps I've got to but I don't blame anybody and if it was to do over again I'd do it I'm a little sorry I wasn't wounded in front it looks cowardly to be hit in the back but I obeyed orders and it don't matter in the end I know poor John it did not matter now except that a shot in the front might have spared the long agony in store for him he seemed to read the thought that troubled me as he spoke so hopefully when there was no hope for he suddenly added this is my first battle do they think it's going to be my last I'm afraid they do John it was the hardest question I had ever been called upon to answer doubly hard with those clear eyes fixed on mine forcing a truthful answer by their own truth he seemed a little startled at first pondered over the fateful fact a moment then shook his head with a glance at the broad chest and muscular limbs stretched out before him I'm not afraid but it's difficult to believe all at once I'm so strong it don't seem possible for such a little wound to kill me Mary Mercutio's dying words glanced through my memory as he spoke tis not so deep as a well nor so wide as a church door but tis enough and John would have said the same could he have seen the ominous black holes between his shoulders he never had and seeing the ghastly sights about him could not believe his own and more fatal than these for all the suffering it caused him shall I write to your mother now I asked thinking that these sudden tidings might change all plans and purposes but they did not for the man received the order of the divine commander to march with the same unquestioning obedience with which the soldier had received that of the human one doubtless remembering that the first led him to life best to death no ma'am too lory just the same he'll break it to her best and I'll add a line to her myself when you get done so I wrote the letter which he dictated finding it better than any I had sent for though here and there a little ungrammatical or inelegant each sentence came to me briefly worded but most expressive full of excellent counsel to the boy tenderly bequeathing mother and Lizzie to his care and bidding him goodbye in words the sadder for their simplicity he added a few lines with steady hand and as I sealed it said with a patient sort of sigh I hope the answer will come in time for me to see it then turning away his face laid the flowers against his lips as if to hide some quiver of emotion at the thought of such a sudden sundering of all the dear home ties these things had happened two days before now John was dying and the letter had not come I had been summoned to many deathbeds in my life but to none that made my heart ache as it did then since my mother called me to watch the departure of a spirit akin to this in its gentleness and patient strength as I went in John stretched out both hands I know you'd come I guess I'm moving on ma'am he was and so rapidly that even while he spoke over his face I saw the gray veil falling that no human hand can lift I sat down by him wiped the drops from his forehead stirred the air about him with the slow wave of a fan and waited to help him die he stood in so need of help and that could do so little for as the doctor had foretold the strong body rebelled against death and fought every inch of the way forcing him to draw each breath with a spasm and clench his hands in an imploring look as if he asked how long must I endure this and be still for hours he suffered dumbly without a moment's respire or a moment's murmuring his limbs grew cold his face damp his lips white and again and again he tore the covering off his breast as if the lightest weight added to his agony yet through it all his eyes never lost their perfect serenity and the man's soul seemed to sit therein undaunted by the ills that vexed his flesh one by one the men woke and round the room appeared a circle of pale faces and watchful eyes full of awe and pity for though a stranger John was beloved by all each man there had wondered at his patience respected his piety admired his fortitude and now lamented his hard death for the influence of an upright nature had made itself deeply felt even in one little week presently the Jonathan who so loved his comely David came creeping from his bed for a last look and word the kind soul was full of trouble as the choke in his voice the grasp of his hand betrayed but there were no tears and the farewell of the friends was the more touching for its brevity old boy how are you faltered the one most through thank heaven whispered the other can I say or do anything for you anywheres take my things home and tell them that I did my best I will I will goodbye Ned goodbye John goodbye they kissed each other tenderly as women and so parted for poor Ned could not stay to see his comrade die for a little while there was no sound in the room but the drip of water from a stump or two and John's distressful gasps as he had slowly breathed his life away I thought him nearly gone and had just laid down the fan believing its help to be no longer needed when suddenly he rose up in his bed and cried out with a bitter cry that broke the silence sharply startling everyone with its agonized appeal for God's sake give me air it was the only cry pain or death had rung from him the only boon he had asked and none of us could hear all the airs that blew were useless now Dan flung up the window the first red streak of dawn was warming the gray east a herald of the coming sun John saw it and with the love of light which lingers in us to the end seemed to read in it a sign of hope of help for over his whole face there broke that mysterious expression brighter than any smile which often comes to eyes that look their last he laid himself gently down and stretching out his strong right arm as if to grasp and bring the blessed air to his lips in a fuller flow lapsed into a merciful unconsciousness which assured us that for him suffering was forever past he died then for though the heavy breaths still tore their way up for a little longer they were but the waves of an ebbing tide that beat unfelt against the wreck which an immortal voyager had deserted with a smile he never spoke again but to the end held my hand close so close that when he was asleep at last I could not draw it away Dan helped me warning me as he did so that it was unsafe for dead and living to lie so long together but though my hand was strangely cold and stiff and four white marks remained across its back even when warmth and color had returned elsewhere I could not but be glad that through its touch the presence of human sympathy perhaps had lightened that hard hour when they had made him ready for the grave John lay in state for half an hour a thing which seldom happened in that busy but a universal sentiment of reverence and affection seemed to fill the hearts of all who had known or heard of him and when the rumor of his death went through the house always a stir many came to see him and I felt a tender sort of pride in my lost patient for he looked a most heroic figure lying there stately and still as the statue of some young knight asleep upon his tomb the lovely expression which so often beautifies dead faces soon replaced the marks of pain and I longed for those who loved him best to see him when half an hour's acquaintance with death had made them friends as we stood looking at him the wardmaster handed me a letter saying it had been forgotten the night before it was John's letter come an hour too late to gladden the eyes that had longed and looked for it so eagerly yet he had it for after I had cut some brown locks for his mother and taken off the ring to send her telling how well the talisman had done its work I kissed this good son for her sake and laid the letter in his hand still folded as when I drew my own away feeling that its place was there with the thought that even in his solitary place in the government lot he would not be without some token of the love which makes life beautiful and outlives death then I left him glad to have known so genuine a man and carrying with me an enduring memory of the brave Virginia blacksmith as he lay serenely waiting for the dawn of that long day which knows no night end of chapter four a night