Thank you. We got a few people missing, but you're here and we'll just move forward I want to go over review a couple things with you first before I get into my presentation One is the miracle list. So here at Arizona Deliverance Center. We have Something called self-deliverance. We have something called steps to freedom both our Version of the miracle list Okay, if you go on the hardcore Christianity website You can request the miracle list and then Mike sends you a copy of what I got up on the screen This is the one that I'm working from But I've made one little change to it and so I'm just gonna scroll down and show you so number one The first week I went over and make a literal numbered list of the people in your life who've hurt you significantly That's what we did right for the first week the second week We talked about making a literal numbered list of the things you don't like about yourself We went over that Number three is talking about dysfunctional parents. That is on I think that is not on the list that Mike will send you when you request it, okay It's on another list so I included it in the class just so you this is cleared up number four Negative thoughts number five godly sorrow, which we will cover tonight now There are other things on this list that I've incorporated earlier. So I'm not going down the list the miracle list chronologically I'm kind of Pulling things that are lower down on the list and pulling them up to the week so For example this list that I'm currently working off of has 18 items One of them is like for example number six says read John chapter 14 15 16 I think I mentioned that week two a Part of renewing your mind, okay It's number six. I'm not waiting to week six to talk about that. I already mentioned it on week two So that's what I mean Getting a copy of pigs in the parlor. I mentioned that the very first week even though it's on number eight here on the list Number nine stop complaining and blaming yourself. I mentioned that the very first week also so if you have if you're the type of person who's got the list and you're checking out It off Right every week Jury is like, yeah, that's me. I so now I'm can maybe I've confused you because you're like you're mentioning Something that's not on my list. Okay, I Don't want to cause problems So what I want you to do is email me if you want the list that I'm working from which is a combination of Mike's miracle list and Another list that might call self-deliverance It's got the dysfunctional parents on there. I've merged them Okay, so for those of you who are trying to follow along But you're getting frustrated because I'm not following exactly According to the numbers that you have what lever list you have just email me. I'll send you the digital copy, okay? All right, so that's that the next thing I want to talk to you about is this on YouTube on the house of healing or or hardcore Christianity YouTube channel are These classes the instruction portion. How many people have been there? Okay, too. Thank you. Thank you Okay So whatever is being recorded you can see Lori's in the back. She's recording it and then it gets uploaded I It varies I have to just say I'm so pleased that the very first one I did has 3000 views Yeah, which is amazing whether the person meant to click on it or not they clicked and I got the views so Currently most of these are Radar like this one. It's got almost a thousand views. That was the second week. So that's fantastic I got an email from someone from the Netherlands. Thank you very much They just encouraged me. So I'm getting like random emails encouragement I got a text message from a gal today just saying wow that was a great presentation. So I feel good Yeah, go on there if there's something that you're like, wow, I wish I could hear that again Like I didn't I would need to like remember. What did she say? I wasn't supposed to do just go on YouTube and you know Listen, I'm trying to keep this presentation not so long my longest one here You can see is 34 minutes tonight will be long because I'm gonna review and then also talk about What number five is on the list on number five on my list, okay So we talked about that good So This is not what we're talking about I need to go back All right, so I'm gonna have to reload this bear with me, please What I do want to mention is There's no way you could begin doing the miracle list and Finish number one in one week You can't that's not possible Okay So if you're feeling I had someone message me today and say they're feeling a little overwhelmed They feel like they're being lazy about it because they're having trouble keeping up. I'm like no you're not being lazy This is meant to be done over time I've heard Mike say that the miracle list is meant to be done like a college class Maybe work on it twice a week And it should stretch out for three four months Maybe six months maybe a year Okay. Oh, I didn't even do anything. All right Okay, so So be patient with yourself. I am going through this preparing these lessons and I'm kind of revisiting it myself So, all right, let's see if we can move to the next slide. So Tonight I'm gonna be reviewing just briefly Reminding you about the weeks that we have talked about the numbers The items on the miracle list like number one forgiving those who've hurt you Okay, forgiving them God's way You want to someone's so people continuously hurt us, right? We just had a holiday. Maybe you got together with your family or You talked to somebody on the phone and somebody said something that offended you They hurt you Okay, I heard something over the weekend and it hurt my feelings and it was a second hand Information and it's still I got offended and I and I had to work through that Because I don't like how that person's acting that hurt me We don't have the liberty of holding grudges as Christians It will not go well with us When someone says something or does something that hurts our feelings and we take an offense if we Hold on to it Then that gets it almost like it burls down into our soul and it affects us And then we we act out of that and we're her and we can't hear from God so There's the scripture that says forgive and you will be forgiven Look you committed sins throughout your whole life, right and the list is very long You committed them against God and like the picture shows the list is super long. It's gonna run out the door It's a super long list.  And this helps me I had a situation about a year ago where You know sister she hurt me and I was having a hard time I Could let it go here in my head but it was affecting my emotions still and I remember sitting down with the brother Mike and he's talking to me about it He's like, okay that person hurts you and the list is this long and God forgave you of this This and I remember feeling Yuck, you know, and I'm like, he's right God has forgiven me of so much And he continues to forgive us, right? He continually forgives us and So God wants us to forgive those people who've hurt us who've offended us Well, he doesn't want us to be injured by it But he teaches us in the scriptures. Look forgive those people who sinned against you and You will be forgiven. I mean Forgive that person who hurt you and they'll probably forgive you of what you did to them because rarely is it one-sided Right Rarely is it one-sided? So there's that long list that we've been forgiven of and then there's short list of the sins people have done to us So I'm talking about working the steps week number two we talked about releasing the things that you don't like about yourself We're gonna talk a little bit more about that tonight in our group session I Love the scripture Matthew 6 14 15 says if you forgive men their trespasses your heavenly father will also forgive you But if you forgive not men their trespasses neither with your father forgive you your trespasses The Lord's prayer forgive us Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who've trespassed against us It's all throughout scripture. We have to do it and It is a big sin when you don't forgive yourself It's the same Forgiving not forgiving or having self-hatred because that's what happens you you do something you regret You do something you don't like and then you don't you kind of are against yourself and then it turns inward And there are a lot of illnesses Maybe I'll just take a minute to say there are a lot of illnesses that we can see manifested when we don't forgive ourselves One is autoimmune diseases Autoimmune diseases have been linked directly to negative feelings towards yourself now my family we struggle with skin issues and And that is an autoimmune disease type of thing like eczema Psoriasis Okay, and it has to do with emotions.   That's fine. But then just drop it You can't keep going over it again and again and again Like a bully does right the bully comes at you and at you and at you and you keep you're doing it to yourself You're hurting yourself stomach issues digestive tract issues is Caused from this negative feelings towards yourself I know a lot of people they they deal either with Consipation or they're dealing with the opposite and they have a hard time forgiving themselves They have a hard time facing it and Releasing that to God really having an honest conversation with the Lord about it Stop complaining You got to stop it right away. I just want to remind you week two. I mentioned that I'll mention it again Stop complaining about how your life is not the way you want it Okay, you're doing something about it right now. That's good Right, you can't do anything about the past You can look at it and say, okay, I screwed up Now I'm moving forward Stop complaining stop blaming stop criticizing Stop all that negative emotion onto yourself And your body give your body a chance to heal Give your heart a chance to heal I'll take a minute to say the last couple weeks. I've been pretty sick. I had a Sinus infection that I've been struggling with allergies and I know that allergies have to do with fear the word of God says perfect love casts out fear and God is love and So somewhere along I don't have a clear understanding of God's love for me and it manifests in allergies So I'm gonna figure it out And God's gonna help me he's gonna reveal it to me his perfect love for me Because God is not like my Fit my earthly father. He's not like my earthly mother who were imperfect I love them very much, but they made a lot of mistakes and they hurt us kids God's not like that And so step number three week three we talked about rebellion towards dysfunctional parents. Yes They were dysfunctional. Yes, they were addicts. They were drinkers. They were nitpickers. They were complainers They didn't provide they didn't protect they oh Nobody's perfect, right? But the rebellion the part of you that you have to deal with is how did you respond to them? Did you mouth off? Did you? You know sneak out at night. Okay, I did I Did some of that stuff, you know coming in I had a curfew. I would come in late getting drunk I before I was 21 I rebelled I did I Know most people did there are very few people who did not rebel I meet them occasionally But you got a repent of that and you got to apologize. I Apologize mom. I'm sorry. I Don't think she'll ever watch this, but I do appall I I love my mom very very much and she passed on a lot of great qualities to me And I was I was rebellious Definitely, I didn't like the situation. It wasn't just her. It was it was a lot of things So I had to repent to God. I have to apologize to her. I would I did Have done that. I will continue, you know and released your parents to the Lord meaning, you know, there's a false responsibility we can have for our parents and Talk to the Lord about it You have a responsibility to be respectful. You have a responsibility Probably just stay in touch a little bit, you know, your parents love you. Oh They're toxic. I can't stand being around them. Okay, you don't have to talk to them long Send them a text message send them an email send them a card there You don't have to interact at all, but at least you're you know showing some love Because they did most parents they they tried their best. I think most parents they try their best So honor them. It doesn't mean you have to be their caretaker It doesn't mean you have to make up for all their wrong mistakes, you know a lot of A lot of times as as children we we want to make up for our crappy selves by giving them things or providing for them and they don't really want that We can't teach them anything. I Heard it said that you really can't teach anyone who's changed your diaper If if that person's changed your diaper, you can't be their teacher So so just honor them love them. Ask God to help you. Oh Let's see if I can So Now is week three honoring your parents. Okay Continue to working the steps week four We talked about negative thoughts and what I mean by negative thoughts. I mean consistent regular negative thoughts You have to observe them. You have to catch them Evaluate them is this from God? I mean God will will convict you of sin And that feels pretty negative and that does not feel good So just because it is a negative thought doesn't mean you throw it away and just because it's a positive thought doesn't mean you keep it You have to observe What it is you're thinking and and look at it and say what is this is this something I should be thinking about Is this helpful is this good is this godly? Imaginations Cat the Bible tells us to cast down imaginations lies imaginations of Destruction some people they all they can think of how everything's gonna go wrong Okay, cast that down and some people think of how everything's gonna go, right? I tend to be in that category You know kind of ideas of grandeur you got to look at all those thoughts and be like wait a second is This realistic is this godly is this biblical? What's happening here in my mind and you'll notice if you don't feel so good think about what you were thinking about Just about five minutes before and you might find the culprit to your negative feelings You got to stop believing lies and you can't identify a lie if you don't know what the truth is So you have to be in the word And it really helps to have people in your life who know the word too because when they hear you talk They'll catch it. They'll say wait a second. That doesn't sound right Wait a minute that that's not what the word of God says So that is very good, you know To be around some other Christians if you can All right As a reminder, I just want to say that Plano Spears by brother Mike It's a book that talks in depth about how negative thinking causes the mind to Not function properly and meant to own the stems from that Okay these consistent regular negative thoughts paranoia Anxiety depression. These are all mental illnesses or characteristics of mental illness and that book Has a lot to say about it. So if if you haven't read I mean, it's not very long It's kind of like a pamphlet book, but it's very informative and I encourage you to you know, read a little bit of it All right. So tonight we're talking about number five The gift of godly sorrow Number five in the Miracle is says this pray aggressively for the gift of godly sorrow All of the people you may have hurt over the years and all the pain you've caused yourself You actually hurt your heavenly father the most He was wounded by your behavior You hurt his heart. He's a person you hurt his feelings Sorrow for hurting him is healing and life-changing. I've heard it said that We are changed in his presence In the presence of the Lord There is liberty there is healing there. That's where change happens Now a lot of people I think must understand what godly sorrow is. So I'm gonna break it down a little bit All right, the scripture is 2nd Corinthians 710. It says this godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and Leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death So godly sorrow brings repentance before we're sorrowful The Holy Spirit comes in convictus of sin You may not even realize you've done something wrong until the Holy Spirit lets you know, hey That was wrong. I know you mentioned like I didn't even know which craft was wrong And then the Holy Spirit convicted me of sin and I was like, oh my gosh Tears right? Yeah, you realize not only You had worldly sorrow because your life was falling apart Worldly sorrow has to do with regret. There's remorse. You're sorry that you got hurt Hey, worldly sorrow. It says it leads it brings death if I say if you stay there If you only have worldly sorrow, it will bring death because there's no change that happens and You'll just be in a bunch of regret and Then what happens and you feel bad about yourself then you're hating yourself and then you end up with an autoimmune disease and dying Okay, it brings death So but godly sorrow brings repentance The Holy Spirit comes in and convicts of sin and you're like, wow, I hurt God And if you will allow that in yourself to respond emotionally Then then you have a great chance of healing Because then you can repent which means to change your mind change direction All right, which leads to salvation saving of your soul so We we repent to God he he helps us He convicts us of sin before we're a Christian and we get saved and our spirit is born again All right, but then we go through life and he continues to convict us of sin Nobody becomes a Christian and then lives a perfect life Right, so there's a continuous. This is a continuous exchange that you have with God And I'm gonna talk a more about on this next slide. It's a continuous exchange This is a relationship if if you have Experienced a positive relationship with somebody, okay You know if you have a healthy relationship with somebody like really healthy or maybe it's just Marginally healthy, you know that there has to be real conversation Admission of screwing up you have to admit that They have to admit that to you and there's There has to be conversation about it and then I'm sorry, right? Like I'm really sorry. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I'm gonna try my hardest. I'm gonna tell a story. I have a good friend Laurie God bless her We used to meet up to go hiking Every Saturday or go for a walk something we did something and I was frequently late now Not just with my friend Laurie, but my friend Jeanette my friend I mean I could say a lot of friends that I used to be perpetually late Everyone knows that and not it not you you don't know that because I have made a change in my life but for the majority of my life my whole family is like, oh, that's a That's a family thing. We're just always late.  It's disrespectful. I I Felt like this big I Didn't know how to deal with this confrontational type of conversation because I never had that growing up My mom was a silent treatment type of person You did something wrong You knew you did something wrong, but she wouldn't really talk to you about it Silence I hate silence But I never learned how to like talk about it like how do you deal with the problem? so Consequently, I've had a lot of failed relationships Which was terrible, you know So getting back to this There's worldly change right worldly sorrow is at its core self-centered You're upset because you got hurt You're upset because you lost money you're upset because you lost property. You're upset because life isn't going the way you want it That's worldly sorrow It revolves around the pain of same cause to yourself remorse regret Okay, I want to say that Worldly sorrow is not 100% bad. I hope that's not gonna throw anybody off, but You got to recognize how it hurts yourself But a lot of times there's like the conversation with my friend that I used to go hiking with She said hey, you're late and you're disrespecting me and If you want this relationship this part of our relationship with the continue that we meet up every Saturday And we go hiking and we go for a walk and we have fellowship then you need to change Well that hurt me The relationship ending would hurt me. So I was motivated to change Now if I want real change like what happened a couple years ago Then I I needed to Change because I hurt God It's rare that I'm late to service at the Arizona Deliverance Center, right? Did you know that I'm perpetually late? In the beginning she did no Right, right, and I typically let somebody know because I've learned okay, and so my whole life I Tried to be on time because I didn't like the pain it caused myself and I kind of didn't Like the hurt it caused somebody else although I wasn't really focused on that I was more it was more about me And I'll say this not as an excuse, but um I used to have a panic disorder And being early caused me a lot of anxiety A lot of anxiety. So I avoided being early That was the reason That's that's not An excuse. It's just the reason it's just a fact. Okay But a couple years ago something very dramatic happened in my life and I realized how my behavior and my attitude was affecting God That's when I realized I don't know it was the Holy Spirit. He gave me a revelation How it was affecting the Lord And I believed it I believed that revelation. I accepted that conviction of sin and I repented And I had to keep changing my mind I had to keep changing my mind to change my behavior. That's repentance It didn't happen like oh, I repented one time and then I changed and then no like Laurie just said Yeah, in the beginning I knew that being on time was an issue for you. Yeah, it was I was still trying to retrain this I was trying to renew my mind still I made it like a rule. Okay, you got to leave an hour before you got to be someplace An hour. Oh my gosh. I'm like usually 15 minutes Leave in 15 minutes before and when I know it takes me a half an hour to get there I had a terrible system terrible um But I And so golly sorrow is initiated by the Holy Spirit You can't make it happen You cannot make golly sorrow happen. You can cooperate with the Holy Spirit That's your part cooperate respond When the Holy Spirit brings it to mind respond Talk to him He loves you. He's a person. He just doesn't have a body like we do. He's not a person like us We're like God God's not like us so Golly sorrow is initiated by the Holy Spirit It starts with conviction like I said like you're going along in life And to me being late wasn't really an issue I knew it was an issue for people But it really wasn't an issue for me because if I was Early or on time it caused me a lot of discomfort emotionally So I avoided it Being late somehow relieved me of this emotional pressure of anxiety Once the Holy Spirit once I started Accepting the conviction of the Holy Spirit because the Holy Spirit tried to convict me before even sent friends talked to me about it I have one friend we would meet the hike and she's like if you're not here by 5 30 I'm leaving without you and she left me one time and I had to like You know double step to get up north mountain. I was and I was offended that she left me It was my fault um God bless her Jeanette what an amazing woman of God. She she held her ground and she said, you know Look, that's not okay for you to treat me this way Um, I appreciate and that was God speaking through her to try to get me to see it So finally I got it. I got it now. I got it So starts with conviction and you respond And you pray and you take responsibility Yeah, I did that. I'm sorry lord um And then like I said, there's a spiritual exchange between you and God I hope there's tears Speaking to all ladies here in the room Tears come let them come Let them come sometimes you won't be able to fight it A lot of mine came in my car while I was driving Um, if they come try not to fight them I know it's uncomfortable. I know it could be humiliating embarrassing But try if the Lord is dealing with you and those tears come let them happen Because that's it's it somehow changes from physical to spiritual and that's when real real change happens And now you've entered into godly sorrow and that's when you can be healed It's amazing some beautiful scriptures Psalms 568 This is speaking of the Lord you keep track of all my sorrows You have collected all my tears in your bottle Don't hold them back from the Lord I don't know anything that the Lord collects Apart from tears The Lord has a collection Your tears That he values that he values our attention and he values our tears Very valuable gold not so much that's building material in heaven But your tears wow he collects them It doesn't make sense to us, but god is different from us Here's another scripture revelation 717 For the lamb which is in the midst of the throne Shall feed them and shall lead them until living waters fountains of waters Until living fountains of water and god shall wipe away All tears from their eyes. This is in heaven He while we're on earth here. I guess he's collecting them and once we get to heaven He's now attending to us wiping them away They're very important to him Very important we are very important to him Here's another one revelation 21 for God will wipe away every tear from their eyes There shall be no more death Nor sorrow nor crying There shall be no more pain for the former things have passed away Here on earth we experience all those things Hopefully not all at the same time, but it's you know, we do though sometimes But there will come a day when we no longer experience those things I don't know what that'll be like, but It sounds pretty good I've cried a lot of tears. I must have a really big bottle in heaven How about you? So You want to be Building up your faith so I think it's really difficult To trust god if you have little faith It's like going to the edge of a cliff If you don't have faith that when you jump he'll catch you You'll be full of fear a child stands at the edge of the pool and willingly jumps into their Mother father's arms and whoever they willingly do it there. I mean They have all that trust We are told in jude chapter 1 verse 20 that we must build up our faith Everyone has been given a measure of faith Like everyone has muscles right You can build them up You have to work at it And what does he say building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the what? Holy spirit That's praying in tongues Had a dream the other night Two nights ago It was really amazing. I was I think I was like at the gym at a gym and I was uh If you ever heard of crossfit, I don't know if you ever hear of this Anyway, they have like these gigantic ropes And they you grab ahold of the ropes and you do this with the ropes And they're heavy and it builds your muscles, right? Um, I can't believe I'm sharing this with you. So I'm in my dream. I'm doing this with the ropes And I'm Uh I'm praying but I'm not praying in English I'm praying in sounds Syllables I think I'm praying in tongues Well, I went from dreaming to being awake And I heard myself saying it As I woke up And like I have a cat and she's right there next to me and she didn't move jack. I heard myself like I guess I was speaking in tongues. I I felt I felt it. I don't know. It was amazing When she was just stayed right there and usually she's kind of she'll startle quite easily and then take off and leave She'll get offended, right? So but she didn't she stayed and it was like It was so seamless like I went from this dream to to dream to in the dream to in real life And I was and I was worshiping Um, I pray in tongues every day And it is wonderful And sometimes I do it and I don't even realize I'm doing it until after some time And I guess it trans it translated into my dream life because I was dreaming it And that I was in the dream and then I was awake and I was still doing it And I was like wow lord I My spirit I worship you Um, I wish I wish I could have that feeling all the time Of being feeling so close to him But um, that's not possible We all get that when we're in heaven. I believe Here on earth our our spirit They call it being on the mountain.  Okay, your guys are nodding. That's good So I want to encourage you to keep building up your faith also fellowship Look what it says Hebrews 10 24 25 Let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works Not forsaking the assembly of ourselves together As is the manner of some But exhorting one another and so much the more as you see the day approaching. Okay, we I hear it all the time. Oh, jesus coming back We're in the end times. It's the last days. Okay I I believe that Um They did too For all of us we're dying right like it says that we you know, we're not going to live forever. So Either jesus is coming back Um in eight years or jesus is coming back when I die But it's really not that far away Not for me. Anyway Maybe I get another 50 years 40 40 is good. I'm good with another 40 years But look, why should we not forsake the assembling of together like we're assembling tonight together, right? So we could stir up love Times are tough. I think we could use some love, right stirring up good works How can you do good to someone if you're not around us someone? Um exhorting one another encouraging If you're not around them, how can you encourage them? How can they encourage you? There's a lot to this and going to church Slipping in and slipping out is not Assembling together that is not what that scripture means That is not fellowship We're going to talk later. This is fellowship Lorraine I we we chat sometimes during service or we talk, uh on the phone or whatever that's a that's fellowship We're encouraging one another We're Calling each other out on stuff. We're they talk it talks about the words talks about sharpening iron sharpening iron We're helping we need Support that's why you all are here. You need support. I need support too And so that's why I created this class Because I'm like, wow, we need support. We get a little bit of it But we need more of it So I want to encourage you if you're not a part of the fellowship if this is the only one you have here On tuesdays in your life. That's okay. At least you're here, right? You have something but When this class is done make sure you you get a whole a part of something else They're not all gonna think the way we think here They're not gonna have the same revelation that you have that's okay They don't believe in deliverance. That's okay You know, that's all right. Oh, they're baptists. You know, they're good people. They love to cook It's nice I mean, you know, whatever whatever the group is church a bible study Maybe it's a home fellowship me other christians Maybe it's your family, you know encouraging Loving one another doing good tip for them Exercising the gifts that God has placed in you to encourage each other So fellowship, don't forget it Um I wish I knew what the next slide was because it's taking a little while. Okay number 17 So this is on the miracle list that I It's number 17. It's it's on self deliverance that other list down at the bottom I want to talk a minute about this stick with this program. Okay So I'm speaking from the arizona deliverance center and I'm saying that for youtube people on youtube We're at the arizona deliverance center Um mike smith started this ministry 20 years ago and he teaches He teaches the word of god. He does a great job, but he teaches it from the perspective of a counselor It's all relationship based which I personally can't see reading the bible from any other perspective, but that's just me Okay, I'm a counselor. So it makes sense to me God is about relationships Jesus was about relationships And and we read in the bible about families and relationships and conflict and making up and breaking up and I mean, it's all about normal life, right? So While you're here I want to say stick with us Don't watch For just this class. Don't watch other deliverance ministries Other deliverance ministers Okay I would avoid Other zoom calls That are not connected with arizona deliverance center. I would avoid other youtube teachings Facebook groups, I would avoid that Because it will only confuse you Everybody has their understanding of the scriptures. Everyone has their understanding of how deliverance works and goes and Everybody's in a process, right? We're all and so we're doing the same thing here So just stick with us stick with this list stick with me Stick with me and lori stick with mike Stick stick with thursday nights with rick and the zoom call if you get on that Stick with one A type of teaching and get everything you can get from it And then if you feel like you need to add To it then of course by all means venture out But if you are bringing in information from you know This deliverance minister and being on this zoom call That's every fridays and this one's on tuesdays and this one's on wednesdays and this one's on saturdays and this one's on You know what I mean? It gets confusing because they're gonna conflict There's just gonna be a conflict somewhere along the line and then you're gonna lose trust So just stick with us. Okay stick right here and um If you've already gone through deliverance And I know if you've gone through deliverance outside of the arizona deliverance center I want you to just release Which you learned released which experienced. Okay, and just start over with us using the miracle list. Okay And I hope that we'll even get to some some uh, you know deliverance here in our class All right So that's all I have I do want to say this If you want the list that i'm working from like I said, I i'm using mike's list. He sends one out We have copies here at the center, but there's two different copies self-deliverance the steps to freedom And then they're in the miracle. Anyway, I took all that I put it together I have a digital form if you want a copy of it email me. I'll just send it to you. Okay Yeah All right, that's all. Thank you for bearing with me. I know this was long tonight. I appreciate it All right. Thank you


I look like the inverted and incredible, oh, that means that this is this crotch region confirmed. Hello everybody, E here. Welcome back to another book review. Today we're talking about a book that I was extremely excited about. The follow up, well it's not like a sequel or anything, but Nathan Ripley's second book, I read and loved his first novel, his debut, Find You in the Dark. Absolutely loved that one. And I couldn't wait. In fact, I've been hounding him on Twitter, like when's the next one coming, when's the next one coming, I'm sure he was tired of hearing me ask. But I finally got my hands on it, Atria Publishing was nice enough to send me a review copy of Your Life is Mine by Nathan Ripley. The TLDR this is, I loved it, I loved every minute of it. Nathan writes the type of characters that I want to read about, characters that I can either despise, that I can love, or that there's some kind of moral area. One of the things that, I'm laughing because one of the things that I caught on early on, it's funny how if you pick just the right character name, that character doesn't have to say anything for you to know what kind of character they are. Nathan picked the perfect name for Emile Chadwick. As soon as I saw that name, I was like, this guy is a douchebag. And of course, I don't want to give any spoilers, but I mean that name, right off the bat, that name is great. The story is about the main character Blanche, it's also written in a first person, third person, even a little bit of a, I guess, epistolary, I think it's called, I don't know. There's sections not in here, not of interviews, but there's sections in here written, it's kind of like Carrie when you read excerpts from a book, a fictional book in the fictional world and there's sections like that in here. So you have those sections, you have third person sections, and then you have first person from the main character Blanche. I appreciated that I had no idea where this was going at any point in time. I had no clue where he was going to spin the tale next, and no matter what, every single chapter made me want to keep on reading. In fact, this is the first time in forever that I've read a hundred pages in one sitting. I'm not just talking about one day, well it was one day, but I didn't come back to it because that's kind of burned out after just staring at pages after that. I'm not a speed reader, so a hundred pages takes me like two, three hours to read. Now I was just laying there, I was just reading, reading, reading. I think the best part about this book is of course, well not I think, the best part of this book is the characterization. There's a lot of dialogue in here, a lot of back and forth between Blanche and Jaya, Jaya, I'm not sure, and that was some of my favorite dialogue throughout the entire thing, that relationship felt entirely real, the friendship was deep, there was an emotional connection there. I also appreciated the emotional connection with Padma, Jaya, I want to say Jaya, so if I'm getting that wrong I apologize, Jaya's mother Padma. There's a dichotomy, is that right? Probably not, but there's maybe a juxtaposition, because juxtaposition is a comparison I believe, but Blanche's father was a psycho cultist leader, and then Jaya's, Jaya's, I'm going to say J anyway, so J-A-Y-A, there you go, any time I say something that sounds like that, you know what I'm talking about. Her father was murdered in a random crime, shot to death. That whole, that whole thing, the back and forth, that whole subplot was terrific. There's also a bit of, I don't know if Nathan took from reality here, but there was, and I don't want to give too much away, but you guys, anybody remember the Interstate Killer? I can't remember the guy's name, I don't really want to say it here anyways, he had a kid with him. I think Nathan borrowed from reality for that one, if not then, you know, I might be wrong, I don't know, but there were aspects of that in here, and I always appreciate seeing, you know, real world stuff, like I said in my Top 5 Tropes video, in fact this is what gave me that idea to do that video was this book, because it, he might have, I don't know, I didn't talk to him about it, I probably should have, but he took that idea and then he fictionalized it completely and did his own thing with it, and I really like it when that happens.  Now while there is a little escapism there, I don't like those types of stories, I like stories like this one, also there's a little bit, I don't know if he read, well not sharp objects, but in, well Dark Places, I think it's Dark Places, Gillian Flynn's second novel, I believe, I'm not sure, but anyways Dark Places was a terrific novel, and there are notes of that in here as well, I'm not saying he ripped anybody off, but there are notes of that, so if you like that book you will definitely enjoy your life as mine, but until next time, I have been E, you have been U, this has been another book review, I'll talk to you guys later, bye bye. Okay, so spoilers from here on out, I will do a book birthday for this, and I probably should have said that it's not even out yet in the main video, oh well, June 4th is when this comes out, June 6th, 2019, so if you don't want any spoilers, if you want to read it for yourself, please, please, please click away, but this will be up there for everybody to watch when they finally do actually read the book. The whole shooter in the back of the car thing covered up with tarp, what not, in the back of the truck, I think that was taken from the Interstate Killers a while back, which is insanely weird, because I was working at a hospital that took care in Montgomery, Alabama that took care of, she eventually passed away, I think it was the first victim, I can't remember, but she was shot in front of the ABC store in Montgomery, Alabama and it ended up being the same duo of people that went on the killing spree, I think they called him the Interstate Killer, I can't remember, but he was laying down in the back of a car or a van or something like that and shooting people with a rifle, so there's that aspect, also I really, I kind of saw it coming, that blanch was there, I actually thought it was going to be Blanch who ended up killing Zia's father, I thought that was going to be the twist, it wasn't, thankfully, that would have been a cool twist, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have been upset, I just would have saw it coming, so the twist, I don't know, but then again, would that have been redeemable, I don't think that would have been redeemable, so going that route would have made it more, I think, would have made it more a horror story, whether you have that horror of you built up this life with this friend of yours and then you get to the end here and you have to come clean, that would have been that would have been an interesting subject to dive into, I think, but by that time, I mean the book's almost over, so he doesn't have much, sorry, I'm still getting over cold, you know how much time to go into it, but I really love the back and forth when they're fighting, I love Zia's, Zia, whatever, responses, I dug that whole thing, I especially liked the boy character, it was very odd, it wasn't something that I thought for sure the whole time it was going to be a meal, I was like no, no let me, let's not, all the signs are pointing that it's not him, whatever, that'd be way too obvious, having him as a character that nobody really knew was exceptional, I appreciated that, there was no twist, that's another thing, you read these thrillers all the time, you're looking for the killer and you know the killer is someone that you know, so you're picking up, it's gotta be this person, it's gotta be that person, so it's actually a nice twist for me to get in there and go, oh, he was actually just another character, the Chuck Varner storyline was great, I appreciated the thoughts, the cynicism, the nihilism and all that stuff, the everything that was pumped into Blanche when she was a kid, everything that Chuck believed, he's one of those cult leaders that you tend to, that you see where he's coming from, not that he's right, I'm just saying you see where he's coming from and he just goes way too far with it, that kind of madness, so I appreciated that, oh no, it's gonna end up one of my books of the year unless something huge comes out to just stomp it into the ground, I don't know if the Institute by Stephen King will overshadow it or not, but this is the most fun I've had reading a thriller, I'm trying to think and I'm having a problem thinking of anything else, so yeah, this was big fun, and probably the last one that I read that could even be considered a thriller would be hashtag fashion victim by Aminaktar, that was a great book, terrific book and that one's gonna be up against this one for my favorite read of the year, so far, that's the running right now, but I did like this one a bit more just because of the character, that fashion victim was more of a satire and this one was more of a set in reality kind of thing, that's why I appreciated this one a little bit more, not to say fashion victim isn't set in reality also, that those people don't act that way, there just wasn't the depth of all the characters that I found in this one, but yeah, that's all I got to say about this one, Nathan, if you're watching this and I hope you do, I loved your book man, I absolutely loved it, talk to you later