9 skills everyone needs but only 3% have Number one Negotiation scale the world is a market place Directly or indirectly everyone is either buying or selling something either product or services The ability to negotiate is a prerequisite for daily living that only a few possess While many do not know that negotiation is essential Or does have certain misconception about the concept of negotiation Contrary to some misconceptions people have about negotiation Negotiation scale is not required only doing a monetary exchange of goods It affects every facet of life Medium writer Robert Park once said that we negotiate not only to ensure we are paid fairly But to line up our goals and pave the way forward for building a successful career Also, many people believe that negotiation has to do with blackmailing people into doing what they want However, that is a fallacy because negotiation is more about agreement and win-win solution than it is about defeat Number two listening scale We live in a world where everyone wants to be heard and only a few people pay attention to what orders have to say We may not admit it, but most times we only hear others We don't listen to them A lot of people especially young people have gotten into bad hands Some orders have even attempted and successfully committed suicide Simply because the world seems deaf to them one of the reasons for the mishap That continuously take place around us today is as a result of a lack of this scale Parents dictate without listening to their words Teachers instruct and punish without listening to students The government rule without listening to the plight of the people Epictators once said we have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak Nevertheless listening is not only the facts for our ear If we must listen we must open our hearts Number three Effective communication scale Everyone communicates but not everyone can effectively communicate Even many of our so-called speakers and writers who seek to inspire and motivate Are lacking in the aspect of effective communication Canadian politicians once made a funny but true assertion that most conversations are simply monologues Delivered in the presence of a witness It is indeed a true assertion because communication is a two-way thing If the listener does not understand the message passed by the speaker then communication has not transpired Have you ever said something funny in a room yet? Nobody was amused and you start wondering if the joke was actually funny. Well 60% of the time it was a funny joke The joke was not the problem but the issue is that it was not properly delivered Communication goes beyond having a rich vocabulary Many words or an excellent command of a language Into knowing your speaker and addressing him or her the way he or she will understand It entails going into the mind of your potential listener and speaking to eat in a way that it resonates It's about you using the right words Number four hospitality Well, you may be shocked to see this on the least but hospitality is actually a skill One which everyone should possess but unfortunately has been sidelined to a particular set of people It takes a person with empathy to be able to give hospitality Although many people assume that hospitality skill is only meant for those caregivers In businesses that involve the welfare of others such as caregivers, nannies, catras, nurses, etc. However, in the real sense hospitality is an ability that everyone ought to employ Hospitality should not be given only when there is something to benefit It is an act that should be carried out by everyone with empathy rather than selfish motives Number five leadership skills A leader is not necessarily a person in the spotlight Ideally, everyone can be seen as a leader. You are a leader in your capacity Most people pay little focus to leadership skills because they believe it is meant only for those in the high ranks However, it is necessary for everyone to develop leadership capacity Even the so-called followers The world will be a better place if everyone understands the need for developing leadership qualities According to Jim Rohn, a good objective of leadership is to help those who are doing poorly To do well and to help those who are doing well to do even better This means that if we all take up our roles as leaders in our various Displansations, our communities will be occupied only by those who strive to help others Rather than fight for power From the parents and other siblings in the home to high school Captains and teachers in school, etc. Leadership skill is required Number six interpersonal skill Most people presuppose that communication skill and interpersonal skills are the same However, there is a difference between them Although they are both effective if they are applied together While communication skills are used to convey a message in a comprehensible manner Interpersonal skill is needed to deeply understand and get along with people on a personal level Now here is a case scenario that explains the slight difference between those two skills Let us assume that Mr. A is the manager of a firm and he has all the subordinates that work under him Mr. A wants to pass an instruction He has been able to learn and develop his communication skills, but he is lacking interpersonal skills He meets up with his staffs and gives them an explicit explanation and a detailed breakdown of what he wants His staffs perfectly understand him, but they have their reservations However, Mr. A is not approachable And so they swallow their reservations and force themselves to get the job done the way Mr. A wants Yes, Mr. A was able to communicate his message to his staffs effectively But because of his unapproachability which stems from the lack of interpersonal skills His subordinates will not carry out the tasks delightfully Which in turn might lead to errors in the job This short description shows the need to acquire both effective communication skills and interpersonal skills Adaptability skill is a skill that enables people to perform their tasks accordingly Even in the midst of changes Due to the rapid change of the world system, man has changed his lifestyle to survive constantly When specific commodities are short in the market, we switch to substitutes we initially do not like Adaptability does not have to only do with survival, it also involves thriving Many people lack their skill, that is why little changes in the environment tends to hamper their productivity Some orders as a result of the lack of ability to adapt to situations Tends to place their comfort at the mercy of other people Number eight observation skills This has to be the weirdest on the list. However, it is also a vital skill, which everyone should learn Though listening may be classified as part of observation, it is also not all there is to observation Observation goes beyond mere listening. It involves deriving messages not only from words, but also from aura people, body languages character signs and symbols Observation skills gives you an understanding of the happening around you and also makes adaptability easier to accomplish Past roman leader and author of the book meditations Quoted that nothing has such power to broaden the mind as the ability to investigate systematically And truly all of that comes from your observations in life I trust this quote drives home the point Number nine emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your emotions and the emotions of the other people around you Emotional intelligence underpins our relationship with others It is like the fundamental of all the other skills mentioned above As it is needed to carry them out properly Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify Use understand and regulate emotions if you look closely at the list You'll observe that all these skills are interwind With each other and are vital for our daily activities First they are not for professionals or a selected few They are for everyone and there's a need to learn and deploy them as much as possible


People are really craving IRL right now I think like especially for thinking of a recession Like you're not you're gonna spend money while getting an experience at the same time And so I think that's where we're gonna double down for the rest of the summer as well


We are now live. Thank you, Alex. I see on the screen that we are back on YouTube. Good afternoon, once again, everybody. This is the Vermont State Senate Committee on Institutions.  No pressure there. But I had originally asked you to come into a walkthrough of Representative McFawn's bill. Let me preface my remarks here by saying it has become obvious to me that we have a severe crisis in youth who are at risk in the juvenile system. We closed Woodside. We don't yet have a proper replacement. We have a crisis happening from the top to the bottom of the state. And this committee's responsibility is to come up with some kind of brick and mortar solution to that problem in the best set of circumstances we can in the quickest way possible. I am aware that Representative McFawn has made one offer and that is a subject of discussion on the other side of the building. I am curious to know, I asked you earlier today to do a little research on our past work in this subject and specifically to see if there was any language that we dealt with, I think it's about two years ago now when the Newbury facility was first proposed to us. I don't know whether you've been able to come up with anything in your research since then, but I'll start with that question. Unfortunately, I've been in committee pretty straight, so I have not dove into that yet, but I will continue to look into it after this meeting. Would that committee be the House Committee on Corrections and Institutions? No, I spent a lot of time in House Energy today. Oh, okay. I was gonna send Senator Mazza over to that other committee. God, yeah, get me over there. One more day on this, I don't know. I'll take any committee. Well, at this point, we seem to have a mutiny on going through the bill's particulars at this stage. We are gonna have to have this conversation when we see this, but do I understand correctly that the House Committee is actually taking this bill up? This is age 487. I think Representative McFawn was in there to do a walkthrough. I don't know if they're taking it up. I did wanna point you to the fact that there is actually a Senate companion to this bill. And I think at the time that I was scheduled, it wasn't approved by the printer yet, so I could not disclose that. But S-245 is a companion to Representative McFawn's bill. And I was just gonna see where that status is. So it looks like actually just today it was referred to your committee. And is that a bill that is mirrored in age 485? Yes, it's the same exact. It's a Senate companion to the House, age 47. Mr. Chair, is it gonna be our assignment to look for a new location prior to the settlement of this ongoing discussion now? Is that our assignment to look for a new location prior to the outcome of this new location now? I don't know what this particular bill says since we haven't had a walk through. Okay, okay. Do we know, Becky, who the lead sponsor is on the Senate bill? Senator Hooker was the sponsor. Okay. I'm happy because it's the end of the day to bring us back and have a conversation with that and invite Senator Hooker to explain. Let me answer the rest of your question, Dick. It is this committee's responsibility to have an understanding of what the problems are out there and to do something with the budget that we have in order to correct that problem. I am somewhat leery of the fact that I've been through this process 10 years ago with this committee when we were talking about mental health facilities and I watched with much dismay how facilities were being targeted in places where the population of clientele was not. I don't wanna see that happen again under my watch so I am absolutely committed to having a discussion that eventually leads to us being able to contribute to the conversation about getting facilities established. We have a long way to go in figuring that question out but I don't wanna be behind the eight ball after town meeting day trying to wrestle with whether we should or should not go in a given direction. Have we talked to the administration? I mean, because usually, have anything I've ever been involved in years or there's Windsor, St. Albans, or Brunnerkin, it's always, it comes down to the administration of they wanna locate a new facility or so that's why I'm kind of puzzled. The answer is I have spoken with the administration. There has been an interest on the administration to tamp down the level of heat, if you will, with respect to Newbury and I can understand that but getting a response on the question of plan B, we have not reached that conversation and I wanna reach that conversation. I think we have a responsibility to reach that conversation. The administration has been invited for next week. We are trying to confirm whether they are still coming or not, so the answer to that is yes. The administration has been approached and I do hope to have them in here to have that conversation. The other part of this is we obviously don't have the capital bill. I am about to do everything I can to mirror the testimony taking place in the house which may sound premature sometimes to this committee but by the time we get the bill I wanna be on top of what they have talked about so that we are not collectively stuck after town meeting day having to rehash all that same testimony. I think one of the reasons that we were able to get the bill through our committee last year in relatively short order was because we did just that and I'd like to be able to do that again. But if there's corrections involved, it does not come to us, doesn't it go to judiciary if there's correction issues involved? We are gonna have to decide whether or not a brick and mortar facility can be targeted and how much money to spend on it. That's not gonna be within the jurisdiction of judiciary. Judiciary is certainly involved in the policy discussions. There may be some joint committee time again to have to deal with this issue but I can't let it go at this point either because this is a crisis that needs to be dealt with and right now we are the only committee with any available time to talk about it. We don't even know what we want for a facility. How are we gonna talk about something whether we want a 40 bed or 10 bed or I just don't, how do we make that decision? That's why we're talking about bills like representative McFawn's bill. That's a conversation that has to breach committee walls and I'm trying to facilitate that to the best of my ability right now. I don't wanna stand back and say, well, somebody else has a responsibility to do X. Well, we're taking on corrections work yet. That's what you're telling us. We never did it before, why are we doing it now? Senator Karmic. Thanks. I think Senator Mazza that you're seeing a vivid clear distinction between program and on the one hand and bricks and mortar on the other hand as to completely separate things. If we're responsible for bricks and mortar, certainly we're responsible for bricks and mortar that is suitable to the program, at least in my view. And so that and that would include that part of being suitable to the program is that it'd be welcome or at least tolerable to the community it's going into. And so, but I respect that I think you're maybe more being stricter on the distinction than I am. But I think that I didn't just imagine the overlap here. I think that the function whether or not the building is suitable to its mission is part of a bricks and mortar analysis which is our jurisdiction. But no one has told us what we need for a facility which we can then decide where we're gonna locate or the cost of the building. We're assuming we need a building where we don't assume we don't know what the size, shape, description. So we're into the other part of the judiciary committee which they handle corrections. That's all I'm saying we've separated from where we used to be. So we do know that the state and the administration with the approval of the legislative committees or jurisdiction has something in mind at least broadly similar to what's planned for Newberry. One of the problems that we have is we went along with the decision to close Woodside which left a vacuum. I think we have a responsibility to keep the pressure on to find out what is gonna happen in order to replace that. We know one thing, the one plan that was presented is in litigation and litigation, you've heard the problems with the court system that's not gonna be solved overnight. While we have a crisis going on, I think it's within our jurisdiction to get an understanding of what is plan B. And so I'm very anxious to hear what plan B is all about. Well, we listened for two days, a plan, I don't know what the plan was the last two days and the criticism about the police departments and the criticism about everything else. And I still don't know what we had to do with that issue. We know it was turned down by the community, that's fine. They followed the rules and regulations of the zoning. But maybe they thought by coming before us they would get some reprieve or something that we changed the law. And that's an uncomfortable feeling to think that we had no jurisdiction of saying anything about that issue because it's in the courts. And we know that people are against it because the town turned it down. So I just hope we get back on a track where we can talk about something that we're, we can do something about. But it just seems. Well, that's plan B, Dick. All right, okay, we'll see. You can't get to plan B without understanding why plan A isn't working after we have agreed to close Woodside. And this committee in my humble opinion has adequate jurisdiction over the question since we ourselves are the ones that opened that door by agreeing to go along with closing Woodside. And at this stage, plan B has yet to be presented any place. So I'm gonna get to that conversation but all of us need to be educated on what the rationale was behind plan A failing before we get to plan B to determine whether plan B is a good idea. It wasn't hard to figure out, Mr. Chair, that the people that testified were against it because they already proved that at the town. The town said no. So. All right, I hear you. I hear what you're saying. Okay, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Again, I'm not a lawyer. I just play one in the Senate. But I would ask you as a lawyer, my understanding of the ongoing court case is that the question is, can we or can we not? And if the court were to rule that we cannot, then that would be settled. If the court ruled that we can, the question still remains, should we? And that's our call, having nothing to do with the court. We decide if we should or not. Yeah, that's a fair description. And part of that question is, how much more money is it going to take to get there if that issue is placed in front of us? So having a clear understanding of what the hurdles are, and then when you're faced with the question of how much are we willing to devote to plan X, whatever that is, personally, I think that's very important information to have under our belts before we try to make that decision. So with that, I'm going to call it a day. Bec, thanks for coming along. And I hope you have a fun time over there and the House Committee on Corrections and Institutions. For the rest of you, we'll see you tomorrow.


Everyone, Basel Chapman here. This is the Tiger Financial News Network, 11 a.m., mark an update. And we're looking on this first day of March, Tuesday. We're looking at the Dowdown 463. At 33,424, certainly the configuration going on in Ukraine is just a situation that is so precarious right now. The S&P is also down quite sharply. The Dowdown 1.34%. The S&P is down 0.90%. Minus 40 at 4333. That 422.62 low of the 24th of January was taken out four days ago. Then there was a really nice rally. And holding not too bad when you think about it, but wow, this is a dangerous situation. QQQs are now down $1.50 at 345.25. Holding pretty well when you think about it. And their oversold condition trying to be the place to go to in the market in this particular environment, that's still in play. At this particular point, the IWM is very put down at 265, at 264. We were talking about gold in my show, the Target Editions Hour just a short while ago, saying, hey, gold right now, I would have expected to be much, much higher. But it's certainly making higher highs and higher lows. So it is the gold, as I call it, the fear factor icon. It's up 27 at 1928. The dollar's holding quite well. But look at this, bonds. The US bonds are up two. Now they're up more than two. They're up 2.730 seconds. The 158, 2936. Now money is flowing out of the weak equities into the safety of bonds. That's going to be really important to monitor. It's got 159. That's called a 160, 200-period moving average resistance. If it powers above that, that doesn't say this market is becoming weaker and weaker. What we're looking at is crude oil is at a high. It is at 104.38. The high today so far, the continuous contract is 104.99. Obviously, crude oil is in play. Just the scarcity that's going to be there, just the whole situation revolves a lot around human lives and crude oil. And this is the way we have to look at it. So we'll have to watch this closely because if crude oil starts to trade and doesn't stall in the 105, 106 area, but in fact goes right through to 112, I think that's going to impact our markets because the IYT, I didn't do this during my show, but the IYT is starting to pull back, isn't breaking out like it should. This is a transportation average. It should through the comeback of the summer, the spring-summer period with everybody traveling again. So this is an issue. Have a wonderful day and stay tuned. You've got Larry Presavento, Tinker Swarm, Steve Rose, Dave White, and Tom Blaine. I'll be back with Tom a little later today. Have a great day and good luck. See you tomorrow.


The Lumin Meth Crisis in Nigeria, sometime in the past week some videos surfaced online of men that were being beaten with heavy woods. The men looked very thin, malnourished and almost mad. These videos were taken in South Eastern part of Nigeria. These men were under the influence of meth. It's safe to say that they are meth addicts. Crystal meth, also known as Mkuru Miri by South Easterners and formerly called methamephine, is a synthetic narcotic with origin from Japan. According to drug literature, meth is a powerful, highly addictive stimulant that affects the central nervous system of an individual. Drug addicts can take the drug by smoking, swallowing, snorting or injecting the powder that has been dissolved in water or alcohol. The high from the drug starts and fades quickly. People often take repeated doses in a binge and crash pattern. The drug stimulates the aspects of the brain that creates dopamine, first the addiction. Despite the known dangers of this meth, drug dealers have not stopped in its dealing. In fact, its popularity is really growing in so many Eastern states and communities. Reports have shown this drug is gaining popularity among youths and thus destroying their lives. In a conversation with some relatives of some of these addicts, I got to understand how the lives of some previously well-off individuals went downhill because of meth. The soldier lands, properties, goods, etc. just to feed their meth addiction, which by the way is expensive. Families are being destroyed by meth and we might have a social crisis in their future. Suffice to say that this meth addiction might feed more crimes in the future as addicts lose all sense of reasoning in a bid to satisfy their addiction. Again, we call on the NDLEA, all governments that is local, state and federal, to do something about this time bomb we are sitting on before it destroys an entire generation. They should not think this is only a South Eastern crisis because the drug is already sipping into other regions of the country. For me, it's whenever I hear of drugs, I shrink and I blame an entire generation. The reason is this. What about we're saying about drug now, it's even more painful when we say in the future, in the future it will be this, in the future, no. I remember about 10 or 15 years ago when we started hearing news about primary school students getting into causes and taking drugs, the question is what did we do? Someone that has been taking drugs from primary school, it would take a lot more effort to win that person of drugs than someone that has just been introduced to it as maybe as a young adult. As a primary school student or pupil, you are more reckless, you expose, you just take it as you're given and it's become a part of your system for 10, 15 years. What have we done as a people? The government, the parents, the big brothers in the area, what have we done? Now you realize a lot of young people, for me it's as good enough as saying that almost all of them take it. The reason is it's not because I have a particular statistics that I'm working with but the reason is this, unlike before when we were younger, when she's someone taking drugs, the person hides to take it.  You're not condoning it because you're not taking it. Now people take it more openly and even their friends who are not taking it don't really see anything wrong in it. They will tell you this country is stressed too much, make it high. So which means that it's only a matter of time before you start taking it. So it's, I don't know if you call it a time bomb or like I said, a keg of gunpowder, I said no this is a tank of gunpowder and I don't know how. I have no idea this was happening in this Niger myth. Like I'm so shocked because you know you read and hear all these stories from example the United States where myth has for the past 20, 30 years has really caused them a lot of trouble. And you know you think back here to a couple of years ago when there was the issue with the cough syrup, right? Yeah, trauma. Yes, there was, there still is. Of course there still is, but we were introduced to it in the wider population that it was going on. Now this is scary on a different level because anybody can create myth. Yes. And that's the difference to the other drugs.  Anybody can create myth in their kitchen. That easy, it's that easy. You know if you look back into the 80s I remember and I think I'll try and draw a social parameter for this. So in the 80s or early 90s when I was in secondary school, if you were wearing a uniform and you were moving around, you wouldn't even attempt it. Someone you don't know, like, what are you now saying?  But now it's kind of common, anybody can do anything. I think in the freedom of rights that we've given ourselves as Nigerians, we have begun to trample on the rights that will preserve the culture. We are totally undermined ourselves. We have gotten to a position where it's not anyone's business. And I will tell you, most people will draft this survey, but my experience traveling Nigeria would always say this and I would say this.  And this comes down to the cults that are being used for political attacks. This comes down to training the next range of hard guys that will push an agenda. And these guys get to do things which are not regular, which cannot be done normally. A normal human being will probably say no, but they need the money and then to dull their conscience, they need the substance. And that's where we find ourselves right now. So even our politics is to blame for the kind of situation we have right now, especially with the drugs. Everything is to blame, but the question is always, how do we get rid of this? Because NDLEA came up with a statement earlier on that the amount of drug and circulation is enough to sustain the level of crime and violence we have in society, which means unless we reduce access to drugs, violence, banditry, kidnapping, all that work. Yesterday I saw five guys were shown in the news, they were arrested around Ajah with pump action. I mean, these are, you know, these red bullets that are very thick, those kind of guns they were using. The oldest was 24. They had a 24-year-old, a 20-year-old, a 19-year-old, a 16, a 17. Before a 16 and a 17, even a 20, would be able to wield a gun and go on the streets. Well, I think that... What's your state of mind? If crime is going to be even more of a huge factor. And unfortunately, I don't think it's going to get better. I think it's going to get worse because these are young people with no hope. So what do we do? We have to go back to the drawing board. It ties into everything we talk about in this show. We have to go back to the basics. Education, healthcare, power. Those are the three things that need to be dealt with. Once you address those areas, it's a knock-on effect on everything. Because those three areas encompass all the values of a nation. And right now, the state of things, we have no value. Which is why life is worthless and means nothing. Yeah, that's it. I think I'll still go back to the same value system conversation. But this time around, within the families. Because some of these people have families. Some of these people are, well, they probably have people that could guide them through the path with life or whatever it is. But for some reason, these days, I was having a conversation with a friend one time ago. And this was on the Yahoo Crisis then. And she was telling me that you see parents going in and registering their children for certain things. So parents typically these days are turning a blind eye to everything their teenagers, their children are doing. Or sometimes they're even enabling these things to happen. Because they need to eat. Is it because they need to eat? Because if really it's because you need to eat, there are so many other options. For example, farming is one of the easiest. The appearance back in the day will have thought of... It takes too long. Aha! It's not the same value system, right? There are so many other things. Someone is looking to eat today. No, back in the day, the parents will have sent the person to the streets to do something. Tonya has a very strong point. We are no longer a system that supports marital crises, which has built an impatience that's for finance. So it's impatience. It's not about just eating now. I still wouldn't call it impatience. It's impatience of one purpose. I still wouldn't call it impatience. It's necessity. It's need. And some people will compromise everything for that need because they have no other choice, you know? Well, I mean, I don't know if you say you don't have a choice, but like tying it back to the education thing that I spoke about, I mean, I'm trained. I remember in a church, someone was actually doing something and God, I agree, I was working out. And you know all these church units and the leader of church, Givnekeva said, no, don't do that blah blah, I was getting angry. Then another person came and was telling me, you remember how you trained us in this church years ago? And the person said to her, he said, listen, let this child go. After the child left, the person said, you, we trained you right from where you were younger. So we give you all the values, all the trainings. This guy's coming to this church, a teenager.  So you now wanted to apply the training I gave to you 20 years ago on this guy that's already, is like a crayfish already bent. You don't get anything out of it. So it goes back to the home when the mother misses it, every person misses it. Well, you're not talking for now. Exactly. So up next is Kulay, stay tuned.


Learn English collocations with house and home from espressoenglish.net. The word home simply means a place where you live. This could be a house, apartment, condo, tent, etc. and where you feel an emotional connection to staying in that place. The word house usually refers specifically to the building. A house is an independent building, different from an apartment, which is one unit inside a shared building. Let's look at some collocations. Typical combinations of words with house and home. We'll start with adjectives used with the word home. A broken home refers to a family in which there are serious problems that separate the family, such as divorce, abuse, or a parent being in prison. The opposite is a secure, stable, or supportive home, a family in which the relationships are healthy and it is a good environment for children to grow up in. There are special types of homes for older people. A retirement home is a place where people can live after they retire after they stop working around age 65. Retirement homes may be apartments or they may be individual houses close together. They might often include activities and social events. People living in retirement homes are usually still active and independent. For old people who need more medical care, they can live in a nursing home.  Now let's look at some verbs that are used with the word home. We often use the verbs come, get, go, and leave with home. Note that we never say to home. Go to home, come to home, etc. This is not correct. The word home does not require the word to. Here are some examples. When are you coming home? I usually get home from work at six. We went home after the party. If you leave home early, you can catch a less crowded train.  The preposition to is not needed. For example, if you don't eat all your food, you can take the leftovers home. I brought my kids home to change their clothes. Now let's look at combinations of home plus another word.  Homeowners might want to do some home improvement. That's repairing and changing things about the house to make it nicer to live in and also more valuable.  A lot of people really enjoy eating home cooking. That's a meal that has been prepared at home instead of at a restaurant or purchased pre-prepared. You can also use the adjective homemade to describe foods that were made at home. For example, I'm going to my grandmother's house for some home cooking. She brought some homemade brownies to the office. Now let's look at collocations with the word house. As you can see, most of them refer to the structure of the building itself. For example, we can describe a house as single-story, two-story, etc. to say how many floors, levels it has. The picture shows a three-story house. We can also say it's a one-bedroom house, two-bedroom house, three-bedroom house, etc. to describe how many bedrooms it has. Some positive adjectives to describe a house include a luxurious, magnificent, splendid, lovely, delightful, comfortable, or spacious house. Spacious means there's a lot of space. The house is big. Some negative adjectives include a dilapidated, shabby, or dingy house. These words mean that the house is in bad condition and probably rather dirty. And a cramped house. A cramped house is one that doesn't have enough space. A neutral way to say a house is regular and not especially fancy or expensive is to call it a modest house. A neutral and slightly positive way to say a house is small is to describe it as a cozy house. If nobody is living in a house, then it is an empty, unoccupied, or vacant house like in the picture. Let's look at some verbs that are used with the word house. You can buy a house and sell a house. If you are paying money every month to live in a house, then you are renting the house. But if you own the house and someone else is paying you money every month to live there, then you are renting the house out. Construction companies build houses and also demolish houses. That means destroy them or knock them down when they are old and no longer safe. If a homeowner borrowed money from the bank to buy the house but then has financial difficulty and stops paying the bank back, then the bank might repossess the house, take the house away from the owner so that it now belongs to the bank. Other ways to talk about home improvement include redecorating, refurbishing, remodeling, and renovating the house. All of these verbs refer to improving the house and making it nicer, like in the picture. When you are looking for a place to live, you are house hunting. After you move into a house, you might throw a housewarming party to celebrate the fact that you entered your new residence. A married woman who takes care of the house and kids while her husband works can be called a housewife. If the situation is reversed and the woman works but the man stays at home, then the man is a house husband.  You can learn collocations fast with my e-book 1,000 English Collocations in 10 minutes a day. It will help you learn and practice common expressions. Visit espressoenglish.net to get this e-book.


Rude, you're going to hazard a guess and say one of the most frustrating parts is given the amount of chances you had to walk away, scoreless and without a point, is that the way you see this? Yeah of course, it was one-way traffic really, I mean and even the opportunities that they had was you know through our mistakes which we need to improve on but you know in terms of the intensity, the possession, the possession that led to chances you know that led to shots, we need to hit target and that's a difference I think they had a quarter of the shots that we had and I think they only had one or two shots and one of them went in you know we had 17 or 18 or something like that so we need to improve there and then you look at the game and you look at the big chance that we created that hit the post and that goes in sometimes, sometimes goes out at 1-1, we've got momentum, we've got fresh bodies to put on, it's a game, it really is a game of inches and you know like I said you know the boys, their intensity, their effort was there again so I can't fault them but we need to continue to improve. You made the decision at half time to withdraw Tomohamed for Jimmy Petra, what was the reasoning of that change? I made two changes at half time, it wasn't just the one so you know for me it was about moving the ball quicker from from from defence and breaking and we wanted to break their lines quicker as well and and like I said I thought that we can get in behind them more often which we did in the second half and I want a more intensity up top and I think the players will slowly realise the kind of style that I want to play and you need to do it and you need to continually do it and it's you're not going to be at the football club just to pick up a check or on a holiday going to work hard and that's it and I want players of quality who are going to work hard and and like I said Dimmy and Hemad are two different players Dimmy's you know can make those power runs in behind you know Tomoh's more back-to-goal type so I needed to change that. You mentioned ruins about the players getting used to what you want at the moment the games are coming thick and fast does that help you bet in your system or would you rather have extended time off and more time on the training track? The best day of the week's the game day but like I said the amount of work that's that's been put into given the players the information and the way we want to play and I think they're best suited to putting it out there and playing under under pressure so I think they were very good on Wednesday it was a better performance today we just didn't get the points that was it and that's going to happen in football we've seen it plenty of times for me who's one of those you know I can't recall what it was but when you have 75% possession you know and you have all those chances and you lose 1-0 I can't remember that famous game but it felt like that it was just one way of traffic and like I said we just needed that right ball at the right time and like I said the ball hits the post and goes in I believe we win the game but it doesn't and we lose the game but I I've seen another improvement again today still still have to get better some decision-making has to get better and and that's what we strive to do is to be the best we can okay is that okay yeah sorry I was trying to get myself off me I wanted to ask in these early days with the team you had after performance like this but a disappointing result what do you have you learned anything different about this team after your second game now in charge yes you won your lap at half time the first game you went all down at half time the second game I saw a team that that was challenged and the character was there to try and win the game instead of dropping their heads and fill in sorrow for themselves which I've seen in the past so that's one big difference and we're gonna be continue to play football a good style of football as well a good brand possession dynamic you know forward and I saw another improvement again today so no drama is just take the results away everything was really good


Did you know that you can send audio messages on LinkedIn so you can record your voice and send a voice note? This could be quite an effective way of communicating to other business people. In this video I'll be explaining exactly how you can do that. So on LinkedIn it's possible to send a recording of your voice as a message, nice handy feature, should be pointed out that it's only possible to do this via LinkedIn messaging on your mobile app. So that's what we're currently looking at in this video and you do this from the messaging area. So let me take you through it. So first of all we're going to click the icon or tap the icon at the top right of the screen and then you do this from within a message. So let's fire up a new message. So we'll click the icon at the bottom of the screen there to create a new message. We'll select Kareem and then what we're looking for is the microphone symbol at the bottom. So what you do is you tap that once and then a bigger microphone symbol appears on the screen and what you do is you have to hold down this button with your finger then you speak to record your message and then release. Don't worry about sending a message accidentally because as you'll see when you release your finger or thumb you get the option to cancel it. So let's see how that works in practice. So I'm just going to hold down this microphone symbol now with my finger as you can see. So we are now actually recording and you can see that there's a timer on there. Voice messages can last up to 30 seconds. So this is just a test message for Kareem and you'll see what happens now when I release my finger. So just going to release that and got the option to confirm this message or to cancel. So I'm just going to tap on send now to send that and you'll see that the message is now in the inbox with a tick there confirming that it has been sent. So that is how to send a voice message on LinkedIn. Hope you enjoyed that video and that you now have a new way of communicating via LinkedIn messaging. If you did enjoy the video please like it and also subscribe to our NILC video channel here on YouTube. For more information about our other videos click the links below and you'll also find some links to our courses as well. Look forward to seeing you on the next video.


True compassion is not about giving or taking. True compassion is just doing what's needed. You have no preferences of your own, simply doing what's needed is compassion. You revving yourself up into a huge amount of emotion and reaching out to somebody is not compassion. This is just self-satisfaction, devious ways to fulfill yourself. Compassion is possible. Genuine compassion is possible. When there is nothing to fulfill in you, you're just doing what's needed. But always if you get into a deep emotion and do something, you think that was a very compassionate moment. No, you're seeking self-fulfillment. I'm not saying anything right or wrong, it is still coming from a certain inadequacy. So one overly compassionate sage who was indiscriminately disposing of people's needs because of his austerities, he had attained to a certain capability and he was giving it away. So one day Shiva called him and tried to advise him. See, this is not good. The way you're dispensing gifts and boons to other people, this will not bring well-being to you or to the people whom you give. It may bring you much trouble, it may bring him much trouble or both of you much trouble. So stop giving these boons. People come and ask, it's okay, you don't have to give.  As it is, there are very few givers in the world. As it is, there are very few people who are willing to give anything in the world. And a few men who are giving, you are trying to restrain them also. What is the point? At least a few men who are willing to give, let them give. You must explain this to me. This is not fair. There are very few givers. That also you want to discount and make it much smaller. Then Shiva said, see, this is not about depriving people of something. This is not about depriving the world of receiving something, nor is it an effort to deprive the person to have the pleasure of giving something. It is just that instead of helping people to evolve where they will naturally receive the bounty of life, an uninvolved person, if you give something, you will only overburden him.  You of your concern about somebody's ultimate well-being, you must put him through the painstaking process of evolving him to a higher possibility where he will receive higher dimensions of life. Where receiving just happens to him because it deserves it. If you gift a ton of gold to an ant, it will only crush the ant. It will not make the ant rich, it will only crush the ant. So what you give, how you give is very important. You don't just give because somebody is asking.


Hey everybody, I want to redeem the time, so if I could have your attention, you'll notice as you came in you received a personal assessment. Please resist taking it while I'm speaking, alright? You need some time where you can focus in on this, and the one thing I'll say up front, and I'll say it at the end. When you do take it, if you would please be extremely honest as if no one else was going to read it except you and the Holy Spirit.  But as we talk further, you'll see why it's so essential that you are honest. Then I'm going to encourage many of you who are married to then have your spouse go through those questions, not to disagree with you, but to put the numbers that your spouse would put. Now the only way that you can do this spouse is if you take the assessment also, and your spouse gets to do the same thing. So I want to encourage you in that direction, okay everybody? Welcome. I'm Les Beacham. I'm from Omaha, Nebraska. I'm thrilled to be here. Yeah, go Big Red. Let's thank you. I'm thrilled to be here, and I can't wait to see what the Lord wants to do. As we were in worship, I felt impressed by the Lord to go to Revelation chapter 4 on purpose. And it says this, and I believe this is the opportunity that you have in this workshop. After John had heard Jesus, and of course the message to the seven churches, then the word of God says this. After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, come up here. And I will show you what must take place after this. I believe this. You're in this seminar whether you know it or not, because there's a door open in heaven. And the Spirit of God is saying to you today, come up here and I will show you things that you need to see, and things that have the potential to change the very course of your life and your ministry. I believe that with all my heart. You don't need more information. You can listen to podcasts. You can get online and watch YouTube messages about what I'm talking about. But you're here and now. This moment will never happen again. And I believe it's because the Holy Spirit brought you no matter what you're feeling. And he's saying this, I'm going to open a door, and if you'll be humble and teachable, you can walk through it. And as you do, you'll be changed and you won't be the same person. Can that really happen? That's the way God wants it to happen. So let's just open our hearts. Holy Spirit of God, we need you. I pray in the might of Jesus' name that when we hear things that sound familiar, we would listen like we've never heard them before. I pray rather than listening to confirm what we already know, we'd listen to discover what we don't know. I pray you differentiate the difference between knowing with our minds and knowing with our lives. And I pray the result would be that we would grow in emotional, spiritual maturity and become like Jesus. And in so doing, we would invite people into a life that's whole and healthy and growing and vibrant. Holy Spirit, I bind every lie. I bind every attempt of our minds to categorize. And I ask that you give us an open heaven so that we could walk through the door that you're showing us in Jesus' mighty name. Amen. This is entitled, The Neglected Essential, The Emotional Health of Pastors and Spiritual Leaders. And I would add to that of followers of Jesus, the emotional health. Now when you hear that, the immediate sense is, okay, he's going to talk about burnout. He's going to talk about wipeout. He's going to talk about depression. Actually, I don't know that I'll even mention those words again. I'm going to talk about emotional maturity. Now I'm less, I am a pastor of a mega church, Lifegate Church in Omaha, Nebraska. We're one church in five locations. Two of those locations are in Serbia. And when pastors hear that, it's like, well, I wonder how many people they have and how many pastors you have and how many still will. Let me tell you some more about me. I'm a husband and I'm a father of two amazing children. And I am a grandfather of three. I am poppy to them. That's my claim to fame being poppy. And they're perfect. And I love them with all of my heart. And now you're impressed too because he's married. He's been married all these years and all of this. But the thing you don't know about me is that I am a recovering manipulator, perfectionist. I'm a recovering luster. I'm a huge recovering people pleaser. And I know I don't look like him, but I'm also a recovering messiah. And I'm recovering because the journey, once you begin it to emotional maturity, is lifelong with great gains though. And I'm recovering from these things. I grew up in a very strict home. My father was a Marine Corps colonel. Three of my growing up years, he was overseas fighting wars. My mother tried to raise us. When he was home, we had to rediscover him every time because he'd been away and he'd become a different person. And then there was a conflict between mom and he about who ran the home and all of that. His discipline style was shouting at us, whippings with a belt or a stick, and insults. He loved my mother. He was faithful to my mother, has always been. He provided well for us. But he was very, very firm. And we feared him. I can remember in third grade in Lincoln, Nebraska, it was freezing cold below zero temperatures, snow on the ground. And we kids were goofing around on our beds, my brothers and I. He came down and said, boys, you need to be quiet and go to sleep right now. And we persisted. He said, I'm going to tell you one more time.  He slammed the door, third grade, if you can imagine, in my PJs and they weren't footies. So I'm standing there and we looked at each other.  And we decided, we can't stay here. So we ran across the street, we were in a cul-de-sac and we stood on the porch of the neighbors shivering, wondering, are we going to die out here? And then after about five minutes, he yelled at us, get back in here. So we got back in, we got in bed and we didn't make any noise after that. It was just amazing. It's just rules oriented. So I knew that to make my father happy, I needed to perform. And if he was going to love me in any way, it was because I performed. And I got that deep inside. My mom, on the other hand, she's an adult child of an alcoholic with all the dysfunctions of that. When she was growing up, her dad played in bands and he would take her with him.  And she can remember numerous times as a little kid that he'd play in a band, he'd get drunk, he'd go home and he'd leave her at the place where the band was playing.  And they'd have to go back and find her terrified. Was it any wonder until I left home at 18, 19 years old that every night I can remember being awakened at midnight by my mother's screams? No, stop. Don't, don't stop. And my father would calmly say, it's okay, Judith, it's all right. Because I knew that she had to wipe his brow over a toilet, her father growing up, because his wife refused to do it. And I don't know what else happened to her. But I believe she was abused. My mother, you would love her. She went to be with Jesus in October at 85 years old after falling down and hitting her head. If you could spend time with you, you'd love her. But every time I interacted with her, every single phone call of my adult life, by the end of the call, she made it clear that if I did this and so, I would be a better son. You know, if you would come out more, you know, if you would call more, you know if you would do this or do that more. I love my mother. I want to honor my mother. I love my father. My father met Jesus at 70. He's 90 right now. But he's still my dad, because he's not grown in emotional maturity one bit in those last 20 years. I have an older brother. He was rebellious, cruel, mean, beat me up all the time, beat my brother up all the time, had big parties in the house. I'd come home finding semen in my bed and the people he'd had over. He held my father at gunpoint with the family rifle, demanded the car when he was 17 years old, was thrown in jail, went through treatment, hated my parents.  You become like him. So he joined the Marine Corps. Of course he did. And for 25 years, he was a Marine being arrested from time to time because of his alcoholism. He's had three wives. He's met Jesus. He's an amazing guy. But he is addicted to opioids. Three different prescriptions. But admits it and is walking through recovery right now. You'd love him. I have a younger brother. He began ministry right after college and he was a worship leader. And then the affairs of the pastor and the dysfunction of the church discouraged him so he went into the marketplace, which worked against him because his calling was in ministry. Eventually his marriage started to crumble and it fell apart. The very woman that I married, he and she together, college sweethearts now divorced. He is on his fourth marriage. But God is changing him and he is being transformed one step, one decision at a time. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my brothers. You know what I would say? You probably feel the same way about yours. And many of you would say this. You know, they did the best that they could. I'm sharing my story with the hope that you'll start contemplating your story. If we had time, we'd get a big board up here and we'd go through your genogram, which is your family tree and we'd see what your parents were like and their parents were like it. And we'd walk through this because one of the first steps to becoming an emotionally mature person is realizing very, very deeply that your family of origin does impact you. Now, right now, something's happening in the room, theologically. You see, some of you are going, wait a second. Hang on. I appreciate you, Pastor Liz, but not my God. My God, it took care of all my past. My God, it's all under the blood. My God, he's changed everything. That's not a part of my past anymore. I have a few, and all those things are great and I've preached like that before. But they have very little to do with the real emotional health and real emotional maturity. Because the fact of the matter is you are not the sum total of your past and it doesn't have to define you but unless you're willing to admit your past and let Jesus and his spirit address it, it will define you. I just want that to settle in. I just had a conversation with a gentleman. I described this and his answer to me was the way I made it through all these years and lovely man was the anointing, was the anointing. And I'm so thrilled and he told stories of miraculous things but he didn't say anything about his emotional maturity. And God is concerned and I'll explain why with our growth in emotional maturity. In Hebrews chapter 7 verse 23 through 25 and by the way if I could write this on the board I would but the board's not here. So if you would write down in your notes R. Williams, R. Williams at discoverlifegate.com R. Williams is my assistant Robin.  So some of you can relax because you're viral note takers like I am and just relax and take this in and you get all these notes and hopefully you can write down those insights. So here's what it says. So R. Williams at discoverlifegate.com Here's what it says in Hebrews chapter 7 verse 23 and following. Also there were many priests because they were prevented by death from continuing but he because he continues forever. Jesus has an unchangeable priesthood. Therefore he is able also to save to the uttermost. Would you say the uttermost? The uttermost. Do you know what's beyond the uttermost? Nothing. All the way. He's able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through him since he always lives to make intercession for them. Now listen, you know this. I know this. Saved doesn't just mean saved from hell.  So here's a little unpacking. Have you ever read this in Philippians? Work out your salvation with fear and trembling. I'm going to read it in the passion version. That's Philippians 2.12. My beloved ones, just like you always listen to everything I've taught you in the past, I'm asking you now to keep following my instructions as though I were right there with you. Now you must continue to make this new life fully manifested. What I'm talking about in emotional maturity is helping you fully manifest the new life Jesus has purchased for you. Fully manifested. Work out your salvation as you live in the holy awe of God which brings you trembling into his presence. God will continually revitalize you implanting within you the passion to do what pleases him. So in this time we have, I apologize for talking fast but it's difficult to burr the concept quickly in one session, but I want to do that somehow and get you started.  God's plan for every one of us is that we would have wholeness of spirit, soul, mind, will and emotions and body unhindered, transparent, loving relationship with him and with one another. Completely whole, spirit, soul and body unhindered, transparent relationship with Vance. Love filled relationship. Not only with God or one another. Can you imagine this in your church?  Here is the why of emotional health. Then we're going to go into the what of it and then the how of it. The why is rooted in 1 Thessalonians 523 and 24. May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together, spirit, soul and body and keep you fit for the coming of our master Jesus Christ. The one who called you is completely dependable and if he said it, he's going to do it. Now I want to break this down so you understand this. We understand wholeness of spirit. We were dead to God. Now we're alive to God. We were far off from him. Now we're filled with him but we rarely understand really being whole in our soul. The fact of the matter is we have to start with understanding this. We are made up of our spirit, soul and body. We have mind, will and emotions but because of the fall your mind is darkened. Because of that you need to renew it. Your appetites are inflamed. Because of that you need to grow in self-control. Your will is weakened because of the fall and growing in Christ is strengthening that and your emotions are wounded or stunted and God wants to mature them and heal them. Now healing of damaged emotions is something that wouldn't surprise any of us but you need to know this. The pastor who married me 37 years ago wrote a book that was radical opposed and it was entitled The Healing of Damaged Emotions by David Siemens. It was radical because people separated emotions from the spirit. Now it's common to talk about this but unless you press into this you'll just talk about it and you'll continue to be as I was an emotional infant. Now beware of the chief opposition to emotional maturity. People will say this, you just want to focus on yourself. You want a naval gaze. You want to do this. All I ever found in my naval was land and that's all you want to do and the opposition will come theologically and it will be denied because of what I believe is a misplaced truth and that is it's all under the blood. Now everyone, it is under the blood. Our sin, its power, is immediately under the blood and we are immediately forgiven but realize this, our sins impact and power in our life is under the blood and is delivered progressively. That's what we call sanctification in many other areas but it's the same when it comes to emotional maturity. There is a progression of this.  You got to put that under the blood. You have to declare the blood of Jesus. That actually becomes kind of like magic. Just shake this thing over it rather than let's talk about this. What do you think is causing you to feel angry? What's bumping? Oh, you want to get into all this psycho babble stuff where you're dissecting people? No, I don't want, I don't have time for that but we realize everything has roots and those roots produce shoots and shoots always produce fruits and if you don't start with the roots you'll never take care of the fruits. Peter Schizzaro in his seminal book I just urge all of you you must get this Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Schizzaro. It'll be up here so you can copy it. It's easy to Amazon, Google it or whatever else. Someone gave me this book and we were going through the worst time of our entire life and I was stunned. I actually started with the Emotionally Healthy Church, the book that he'd written and I realized how toxic the culture of our church was. How utterly emotionally immature a very, very spiritual church could be. Here are a couple of excerpts without going too far. Christian spirituality without an integration of emotional health can be deadly to yourself, your relationship with God and the people around you. In fact, the spirituality of most current discipleship models only adds an additional protective layer against people growing up emotionally. The emphasis on witnessing, the emphasis on reading your Bible, the emphasis on this, but not an emphasis on deep contemplation of what's going on inside of you. Contemporary spiritual models address some of the 90% of the iceberg underneath the water, but they do not answer the needs for emotionally healthy spirituality. Now this is the biggie and I agree with him. It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. Now rather than giving you a definition of what is emotional maturity, one of the definitions is that the backside of your assessment it describes an emotionally mature adult. See, after you take your assessment you're going to discover if you're an infant emotionally. What's one of the characteristics of infants? They blow up over everything. They want things their way.  Well, you might be an infant, okay? And so if you're really honest you might find there's a lot of infantile in you. But when you become an emotionally mature adult you'll start to discover what emotional, spiritual maturity really, really looks like. So rather than giving you a definition I want to give you a story. So you can just imagine, here's Pastor Les, I mean mega church, I mean five locations, I mean 3,000 people on the weekend, I mean city leader connected with the city leaders and I'm so toxic in my emotional immaturity at the same time. I don't know about you. I've always been a performer. You don't get loved unless you perform. I've been a performer and a wooer and a manipulator and thankfully, and my wife would tell you if she was here, the manipulator has gone. And it's changed. And then add to that, I've always been a comedian. I always made everybody laugh and it's a great gift but it can be a great cover-up. I noticed this. When I performed well I was noticed. When I spoke well people, they blessed me and they encouraged me. My first exposure to the impact of things going on in my emotions was these little flashes I would get when I was in seminary. I was afraid all the time of being rejected. I was constantly guilty. I'd wake up guilty because I wasn't doing enough. I was afraid that God was mad at me even though I believed fully in the grace of God but I really didn't believe fully in the grace of God. It hadn't got down into my emotions. It got into my head and my theology but not down into my heart. I struggled with secret sins. All through college I chewed red man chewing tobacco on the back fire escape of the dorm. You know why I chewed too in tobacco? My father chewed too in tobacco. When I chewed too in tobacco I was like my dad and when I took some chewed tobacco from my dad I was connected to... You know guys how it is? You're connected to him. For some of you it's having a beer. For some of you it's doing this. For some of you it's whatever. Watching violent movies and eating junk food or whatever it is that you connect. I realized I was struggling. I had sins.  I still didn't have full self-control and I was still finding comfort through self-gratification through sexual sin in my college years and I thought once I get married all that will go away. It doesn't go away. If you're not married it doesn't go away. It just goes into hiding. I compared myself all the time. I tried to be falsely humble. I was unhealthy, competitive and then I was really nice because you know what I realized when you're nice people like you and so I was nice to everybody and it was a false niceness. Looking back I looked and I realized that I avoided reflection because in myself I couldn't measure up to what I knew a person who was going to minister to people needed to be. You need it together man. You're leading people into being together and leading it. I got it all together and I didn't understand one bit. Then I started pastoring.  I beefed up the spiritual to avoid the pain. My wife knew I was messed up. I had no idea I was messed up because of my family being messed up and their family being messed up and generational iniquities on me. All these things I didn't realize and I got kind of close and I went to Neil Anderson's Steps Through Freedom but even still you can go through those things but if you don't scrutinize yourself with the Holy Spirit and hopefully in community you will remain an emotional infant or child at best. Some of you are still like he's pretty good but I want to point out how this started to show itself and how it got worse. I go to a church and I am the pastor under the founding pastor and our founding pastor was an associate pastor with A.W. Tozer. So when he quoted Tozer he wasn't quoting a book he was quoting conversations that they had and so intimidation and then he was super spiritual and he was tall and he had just pure white hair which adds to it you know the kind of the Moses effect and so I come from a dad, for real I come from a dad whose military his style of encouragement was correction he had the famous red pen and you'd have a meeting with him and it was all in red and he thought it was to encourage you he'd been kicked out of three churches for standing for the truth and this was a church split that I became a part of it split off from the Christian missionary alliance about the truth always about the truth by the way if you want a key watch word for emotional immaturity it's always putting the truth above loving people always putting the truth above loving people I don't want to put him in any bad light but a real light I'm indebted to him he taught me many things he was extremely gifted charismatically so when a person's really gifted charismatic when the Holy Spirit would come upon him I mean it was like and when the person's that gifted how can you disagree with that person because people are being healed demons are going wow coming out all this stuff I mean how can you disagree with Moses and so what happens is this dysfunctional culture because he was greatly admired and he was consistently explosive he shared things that he'd want you to do and when you did he blew up because you didn't ask him again if you could do it and he did it in front of the staff so you were shamed so he used a shame he used name calling he used all the things my dad used now there are two kinds of people in this room maybe three either you're like him right now or you're enduring him right now or you've been protected from that do you know why people control the most and why people are unpredictable like that because they're afraid do you know why they're afraid because of the things they've experienced think about the rejection he'd experienced in three different churches do you think in his mind he had it pretty clear I'm not going to trust anyone and I got to be in control here you know what were the requirements to be on his staff was you cannot have personal friends you can be friends with your wife to get married but you cannot have personal friends because you will compromise if you have a personal friend and this was an old school model and you need to be wise and friendship but the answer is not not having friends but that was his answer he required everyone to call him pastor everybody and when finally I asked if I could call him the familiar nickname when I became the senior pastor after much prayer said yes and then a year later called me back and asked my forgiveness because he compromised in allowing me to call him other than pastor and when he asked my forgiveness I was like this is weird it was emotionally immature that title pastor now I don't let little kids call me less because they need to call me mister or pastor or whatever but it was a sign that something wasn't right confident yet controlling entertaining brilliant probably an eight on the enneagram let me read it to you the challenger people of his personality are essentially unwilling to be controlled by either by others or their circumstances they fully intend to be masters of their fate eights are strong-willed practical tough-minded and energetic now there are many positives about an eight but he expressed many of the negatives and you know what I thought even this was even though it was uncomfortable I guess this is how you lead God's people did you know this the Bible says hang around an angry man and you'll become angry even if you don't want to it comes it rubs off on you and I could see the things I didn't like but I could feel the things like him in me like when someone questioned my authority I got defensive and I pushed back and that's exactly what he did and so I became the pastor here's how it was expressed in my life just a little list here I tried to meet the needs of all the people under my care I was responsible for them you know that's emotionally immature you're responsible for your baby and your children but you're responsible to other people you're not responsible for all those people those are his people you're responsible to them but I was responsible for them therefore I was on call 24-7 doctors are not even on call 24-7 but I thought to be a good pastor and of course God will love me if I am available like the Holy Spirit to the people all the time being told not to say no here's how I was trained when someone wants to sit down with you talk with you meet you and many people do this I would and they say hey could we get together I'd like to get to know you better you know what I say no I said the span of my responsibilities there are other people that actually you will like better and I gotta hand you to them so now if you're a pastor of a church of 150 don't do that okay but if you're a pastor of a church of 3000 you must do that and if you're not doing that then you're probably doing something wrong but that's what I did I argued with my wife over her frustrations of my lack of time at home and the lateness I was late for so many dinners she should get an award for this and historically it was because I was counseling and the trump card of it all was she says you're late again to dinner it's dry the chicken's dry I said honey I'm leading this guy to the Lord you're calling me I'm not picking up because he's right coming into the kingdom and you expect me to leave the birthing room to eat some chicken and I was just I was killing her that's a stupid answer because we weren't mature enough for me to be able to say something like that or think something like that we were totally disunified I had a feeling being affirmed by people the firm that God loved me I was angry and judgmental towards certain people but nice to their face I avoided certain people in my church you avoid certain people in your church that's my life but listen to this see if this relates to your church all of these are not spiritual emotional immature statements a board member never says I was wrong or sorry and reminds you often that he's an elder the kids church leader constantly complains about parents and criticizes them to the ministry team that's being an emotional infant the high control pastor does not tolerate different points of view and reminds you they've been doing this longer than you have been alive the middle aged dad with two toddlers who volunteers with the youth who's secretly addicted to porn the worship leader interprets any suggestion as a personal attack and a rejection of him as a person or her as a person the youth pastor who's struggling with feelings of bitterness to admit them or say anything to him so he says it to other people the model servant who tirelessly volunteers at four different ministries but rarely if ever takes personal time to take care of himself or herself but wants to burn out for God two intercessors who use the prayer meeting to escape their painful reality in their marriages the person who lost their spouse in a tragic way an approach by people wanting to comfort declares boldly they're in a better place brother I haven't cried yet because I don't need to in Jesus that my friends is emotional immaturity and it's toxic the pastor puts up with the emotional tirades of a staff member because of the contribution they bring to the ministry is so important it would be difficult to replace them so the pastor puts up with this and some of you say well that these are just sins you know what they are before their sins their wounds and their immaturity showing themselves and they need to be addressed as such rather than just repent they can repent of doing it and they'll do it again you know why they haven't been healed yet it hasn't been addressed the wound hasn't been cleansed out the lie hasn't been exposed you're dealing with the fruit you're not going to the root that's with our Lord Jesus I love him so much he's so mature he's so awesome he's so brilliant here's some characteristics you may not have looked at have you ever had a person do this to you or someone you know they heard that you had a miscarriage they come up and say oh I heard you had a miscarriage that's terrible but you know what they're in a better place now Jesus has another baby worshiping around the throne that's the baby you've ever had and you have a second term miscarriage where you bird that baby and held that baby in your hands and they're telling you Jesus needed another baby up in heaven and they're not saying one time I am so sorry you know what that is that is emotional immaturity you know what we don't know how to do in the church everybody I'm not against the church I am for the church the church is for us in keeping us emotionally immature we don't even know how to grieve it says weep of those our Jewish friends they sit shiba for seven days what's that mean I just sit in your house with you I just ache with you and I cry with you we don't grieve as those we have no hope you know what the scripture didn't say it didn't say we don't grieve at all our grief has hope We realize this, unless we grieve, we stay stunted. We don't fully feel, and if you don't fully feel the pain of loss and death, you can't fully express compassion. You see, he was tempted in every way that we are, but he felt everything that we feel. And so God's design is that our losses would expand our souls. Did you know your soul is expandable? If we feel our losses will break our soul, God's designed our losses to expand our soul and to release in us the reality of fellowshiping with the suffering of Jesus. The theology that says you don't need to suffer for your Christian, you lack faith, that's not true at all, everybody. You actually were called to suffer. Suffer individually and then suffer with other people. The church needs a full theology of suffering. Jesus, he shed tears. It says in Luke 1941, he wept uncontrollably as he came into Jerusalem. Just thinking about it moves me every single time.  He was filled with joy. Luke chapter 10, verse 21, upon the return of his disciples. His heart was filled with deep anguish. He admitted this in the garden and he sought the help of his friends. Can you come be with me? My soul is in deep anguish. He was angry in the temple. He showed great sorrow over the loss of a particular individual. He felt compassion in Luke 7, 13. He felt sorrow and wept openly at Lazarus. Can you imagine this? He knows God's gonna raise him but he is so connected with us and he is so emotionally mature that he loses it at Lazarus' tomb. Even though God's gonna raise him from the dead. He showed astonishment and amazement at the centurion who said, you don't need to come to my house. He said he was astonished. He was astonished by the unbelief of his followers and he made it known. He felt distress over the Pharisees hard hard and over the baptism of suffering that he knew he would have to endure. Jesus was a person. Jesus has personhood. Our God has personhood. When you start reading the scripture with a mind of emotional maturity, you'll go back to Genesis and it grieved God's heart that he made humanity. God had a broken heart in Genesis. Why is it then that we feel Christians can't have broken hearts? I have a friend whose son took his own life, successful lawyer, battled with mental illness for years and took his own life and he's in year six or seven now and if he even thinks about it, it dumps him for a day or two and you know how many people have said this to him? When are you going to get over this? You're stuck, we like to say that. You know what I like to say? You don't ever get over that. You walk through it. You know how long you walk through it? Till you get to see him face to face. That's how long you walk through it. Are we presenting to our people a Jesus who grieves? And though he grieves, he turns back to his father, read Psalm 22. Yet I will fulfill my vow. So the combination of being honest about our feelings and resolved in our will, do you see how that's healing there?  Why would we do that? Because we have a misunderstanding of what it means to be a human being in God. And God wants to free us. Why emotional health and then what? Because it's God's plan for complete wholeness, your total salvation, the uttermost. Because Jesus modeled emotionally healthy spirituality for us and we want to be made into the image of Jesus. Therefore if you're made, she can leave because she's on our team so it doesn't matter. Okay, just kidding, I tease you. She's one of our pastors. And so he wants us transformed into his image because we produce after our own kind and your emotional maturity is going to be reflected. You're going to produce that because there is no such thing. I'm going to say it again everybody. There's no such thing as spiritual maturity apart from emotional maturity. It doesn't exist. Well, what is it? It's first this. It's a willingness to say yes to self reflection and awareness. You know what that means? Just being willing to be aware of what you're feeling and to be honest about it, to not shove it under, to not say, I can't be feeling that, the word, the word, the word, the word, but being honest because feelings have reasons. And so you're willing to be open to self reflection. Say yes to this. Next, a personal relationship with God that is not utilitarian. I got to get my time in. I got to read the word. You know, I got to get word in me. I got his word in me. And you know what we miss? One thing I demand. This is what I ask for. That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. This is an intimacy that focuses on relationship and not mission and call. This is an intimacy that demands silence and listening. This is an intimacy that then results in David saying, for in the day of trouble, he will keep me safe in his tabernacle. Do you know what he's saying? I am gazing upon him every day. When the trouble day comes, his tabernacle's portable. You see, that's my safe place in the place of intimacy with him, in the place of intimacy for knowing him, not serving him. Remember, God doesn't need you. First, he wants you.  Pastor, he doesn't need you. He can do everything you can do better, okay? Being, and then finally, here's the tough one. What does it mean? It means being broken and expanded through your losses and life's difficulties. Being broken and expanding. Here's a short list.  Okay, if you have questions, I'll answer them afterwards. You can come up and, but hopefully as you read this book and as you contemplate this and you take your assessment a lot and you listen to Schizzaro's podcasts and you read boundaries again, but this time read it to become an emotionally mature adult. You're gonna discover, oh, I've been welcomed into a door open in heaven. Here are five or six common symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality. You use God to run from God.  He talks to me personally all the time. And you know what, we want that, but if you use that, it can become a virus that basically when you interact with other people, it shuts off all conversation. If you're the pastor, you said, God said, you know what my axiom is? I hear God best in community. I hear him best. Now I hear him and I say, I think the Lord's saying this to me, but then you know what? He'll affirm it in community, the community of elders and the community of faith and all of that. But the pastor who doesn't and feels he has to get the word from God, I think that sometimes there's emotional immaturity here. Do you know many people in ministry, their marriages are falling apart, they're failing, we're watching it on the news, et cetera. Why? Because God told them, because I want to say something. God's telling you to get emotionally mature. I believe that with all my heart. Yeah, let me say it another way. God's telling you to grow up emotionally. And not stay in infant. God's telling you to deal with your past and your family of origin in a productive way and stop denying it. God's telling me to tell you to stop using him to cover up for your immaturity. Number two, ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness and fear. Christians don't get angry. They just get frustrated. Okay? See? Then why is it that over half the Psalms are filled with anger? You ever thought about that? Yeah. The Psalms are inspired by God. They're either angry, many of them, or they're lamenting. They're hopeless. Now think about this.   Why is it that things you say never come true? Why is it that they don't happen? You see, you've given the, you know what God's given us? He's given us the script to be angry with him. Do you know why? Because expressing anger is a healthy thing rather than keeping it in. Keeping it in, you get depressed. Letting it out, you can get transformed in the right sense with the right people and the right people is God. The right person is God. Next, denying your past and its impact on your present. If you're the under the blood person, I love you. You're wrong. Next, doing God, doing for God rather than being for God. You've heard this before.  You're not a human doing, but it's really, really true. Next, spiritually, spiritualizing away conflict. Well, I don't do conflict. Well, God does conflict. I don't do confrontation. God does confrontation.  Covering number six, covering your brokenness, weakness, addictions and failures. As you look for alternative comfort because you're hurting, you're afraid, you're rejectable. So we all have that area of temptation. If you were the devil, how would you destroy you? That's usually that area. Here's a biggie, living without limits.  And you are not superwoman. And you are not, I am not either. I wanna say this, my failing as a messiah, for years I was a messiah, was that I was more spiritual than Jesus. You know what that means? It means if I'd been at the pool of Bethesda, guess what I would have done? Healed everybody.  Cause he only healed one. What was it, a photo op?  Doesn't he have compassion? He has compassion from the spirit for the right things at the right time.   I wasn't aware of this, do you know why? The lure and the deception of success. 3,000 adults every weekend. Influence in the city. Team members in Afghanistan for 20 years going back and forth there. Commercials done monthly with 2 million impressions a month for a hundred mile radius telling people about Jesus. And then I hit the wall. Cause I'm not Superman. My wife was diagnosed the second time with breast cancer. This time it was more serious and she had a double mastectomy. Radical surgery. I can't even describe it to you or take the time. After that, she had her ovaries removed and she had 15 surgeries after that to repair her and create some sense of femininity on her body. I don't think I took a day off during that whole time. As she was healing, we were walking around a local lake that we walk around and we're walking and she said, I know you're having an affair. And I stopped and I was like, I'm not having an affair. No, I know you are. I said, honey, I'm not. You're the only one from now.  She has nothing up here and all of this stuff. And I think, is she thinking I'm seeing somebody? She said, yeah, I can tell you her name. Her name is Trinity. We were called Trinity Church then. You always give your best to her. Your best energy. You give your best time. You give us leftovers. When you're home, you're not home. I hit the wall, everybody. My face was smashed up against that wall. I didn't even know what to do. I didn't know how to get on a path of emotional maturity. I'd never heard of it before. It was about that time that my college president, vice president friend gave me this book. I said, just read this. But God had more wall for me than that. It was a mess at home.  But we're not gonna wait for you anymore. We're not gonna wait for you to come home so we can eat at eight o'clock at night.  Then you add a Saturday night service and even that's gone. We've just, honey, we're not gonna wait for you anymore. I'm gonna keep loving you.  But you are AWOL. You're absent without leave. And in my mind I'm still argued, yeah, but the Holy Spirit and the fruit and the this and the that. And don't you tell me you're not that unlike me in your need for healing, in your need to be convinced about the grace of God that says, there is nothing I can do at all to make God love me more. I can't serve more, I can't sacrifice. He loves me so perfectly and there's nothing I can do to make him love me less, nothing. And until that gets deep, deep, deep, deep inside of you, you will tend as I tended to perform. We went on sabbatical, the year 2006 in the summertime and we're staying on the beach in Alabama and Gulf Shores and one day we had a house with four porches, four levels crazy. She's above me and I'm below her. The dolphins start swimming. We love dolphins. They're out there and they're pooling up and schooling up and they're herding fish and all this stuff. And she says, hey, come and see them. I said, no, you come down here. And we didn't wanna leave because we could miss them and finally we got together. We said, this is awesome. They work together, they're so playful in the midst of their work and they're just the sunshine shimmering off them and while we're talking, there's a dragonfly and we're on the deck here and he's trying to fly and get away but he's hitting the upper deck and he's hitting it and he's hitting it and he's hitting it and so we're trying to watch the dolphins and the dragonflies hitting it and hitting it and hitting it and it's irritating to me. You know, it irritates you when someone's killing themselves, all right? And so I take my shirt off and my wife's like, whoa. And so, and I start trying to hit the dragonfly down and it took quite a bit of effort and then finally I hit him down to the ground and I said, this is it, he's saved. This is awesome. And he starts shaking his wings and you know, and goes right back up.  So I started studying margins and Sabbath and all these different things and emotional healing and looking into this and I started those coming months teaching the church and they did not want that. And therefore they saw because I was being not nearly as transparent as I am with you that I was damaged goods and someone they needed to fix because their pastor can't not have it altogether. These are people I had served for nearly 20 years already but they were gonna fix me and the elders demanded and then the prophets got involved. Now if you were here last year for the seminar and these prophets shared with the a few elders, three or four elders, not with me, you know, if you have a prophecy share it with the person don't go tell some other people. So those people heard the prophecy, one of them was there's an idol in the house and it's less. The next one was he has the spirit of Antichrist. He has a spirit of Baal, he has a spirit of Balaam. If he doesn't repent he's gonna lose his salvation. But you see if you have a dysfunctional team and they're emotionally immature and they are enamored with prophecy they took it all very, very seriously. He has the spirit of Antichrist. I couldn't figure that one out. And as they confronted me I was too submissive. Did you know I was still trying to perform so you obey those in authority? Even when those in authority are crazy. And so they demanded that I go for treatment with my wife to Fresno, California to link care. We were there for five weeks when we got there they read the portfolio and the overseer said where are your horns? I said what do you mean? He says the description you should have horns because the way they've described you. We walked through the conclusion was as they continue to have these secret elders meetings and then try some hostile takeovers the conclusion was as we were sent for treatment that they were amazed at how resilient our marriage was through two bouts of cancer and through the struggles of the church and that they encouraged the leaders to continue following the point that God has established in this house. By the way 70% of those who went to link care do not go back into ministry. Missionaries and pastors because they're too emotionally broken by the church, by the missions organization by all of those things. Their marriages are too fragile. 11, well we come back and we read the report that link care gave and they said this you have manipulated that guy because you are such a great manipulator. And at that point I said God am I going crazy? I called the guy they said I manipulated he said ah, last they called for two hours to try to get me to convince that you manipulated the process. He said they want to run the church and they're gonna do it. And then he said you need to make a decision if you're gonna stay or not because we're fearful for Chris's life. She was so fragile physically and we decided to stay. Two things that helped us. A word to my wife not to me I asked God let me work with plants. I love plants, let me garden, let me do something. Lord I don't wanna be around these people anymore. So poisonous and when we offer some measure of help there's even more poison.  I said I can't leave. But then a word from a friend who had been kicked out of his church and very carefully said I think God might be saying this less. This whole thing is not about you. Now for a performer that's very freeing you know. He said there are things in my church that I'm no longer gonna put up with and I'm gonna expose them. For I am still the Lord of my church and I am your friend. That word became a shield for me over the next three years as the next Sunday 10 of the 11 elected elders resigned and left the church. Another one stayed a year and then eventually left the church. Five of our primary pastors left the church and started their ministries that they wanted to start before. 1800 people left, $2 million left. They took us to the newspaper. They created a website that accused us of all kinds of things. They took us to the attorney general of the state of Nebraska with a bylaw infraction and then they demanded that we return everyone's last 10 years of tithe. We were so toxic as a culture that these were the outcomes of this toxicity. We said Lord, at that point I started to get serious about this. We had an eldership that stepped in to help walk us through. This was by 2009, the battle finally ended and the repair started. We took 1300 of our 1600 adults in small groups through emotionally healthy spirituality and it was a huge revelation to them of what it meant to be a disciple but grow in emotional maturity. It changed the very culture and atmosphere. People started to be honest with their feelings and their emotions. People started to trail them back to their sources. Families started to communicate about things they've never communicated about. We had one of our pastors who's a clinical psychologist coaching us as a team and coaching people. Reconciliation happened between us and the church we split from. We went secretly with our elders and we pled with them to forgive us for splitting over these truths that are debatable to many, many denominations. They wept and threw themselves on us and blessed us and we went from flat to starting to increase. Unfortunately of the 1800 who left about 10 have come back to try to reconcile. Most of them don't go to church anymore. It was one of the most devastating things that our city has ever experienced. Oh, I went to God that you've stepped through this door with me. That today you take your assessment and go I have some work to do and there are very clear answers. Here's the way and we're almost out of time. I love this almost. I love saying that. Here's the way. It's very simple. Number one, admit that you need emotional maturity and admit its vital importance. It has to start with you admitting it. Hopefully the assessment's going to help you. Take the assessment. Number two, commit to a lifelong journey. Commit to a journey. In that journey is the pursuit of insight and revelation. Like coming today, like reading Peter Schizzaro's book and really reading it seriously asking in your position of leadership, in your position of marriage, how could this change you? Don't neglect John Townsend and Henry Cloud. There are important works of boundaries, absolutely essential and in the business realm and for those in the marketplace, get Patrick Lencioni's book, The Advantage and here's his statement. Why organizational health trumps everything else in an organization? It's the same concept but in business. So then pursue this insight and pursue others to walk with you. Attend a restoration event that we put on every year, a chirus event at Gateway, attend Peter Schizzaro's event that you can get on his website and you can go through it to jump start yourself. Next, I'm landing now. Pursue counseling. I thought we made it through. That was 2010, 2014. Overwhelmed with all the symptoms of PTSD. I was on Ambium for four years. I couldn't sleep from 2014 to 2018. Counseling the first three years, once a week. Hypervigilant everywhere I went. I was looking for who was gonna attack us next. There was more work to do. You know what I discovered? I wish I had more time to unpack this. Three big lessons in all that counseling. Here's the first one. I'm not right, I'm not right. About anything really completely, seriously. Number two, I learned it doesn't matter. So many of the things that upset you emotionally, they really don't matter. And then the last thing I learned is I'm not in control. Let it go. Let me say it again. I'm not right. I will love you over being right every time. Number two, please understand this. It doesn't matter. And then finally, I'm not in control. I'm not in control. And then, lead your family. Lead your church. And then God asks this, well, my pastor's not here and he's an under the blood guy, then you change until he can tell. Or she can tell. And when he or she asks, then you say, I have discovered something that has utterly changed my life. And I can only wish it for you and dream it for you and pray it for you. Okay everybody, how are you doing? Has anyone gained any insight here? Okay, good. Okay, I'm gonna pray. Now our Father in heaven, I thank you that only you can use words to transform spirit, soul and body. I pray this Lord, I pray they will have walked through this door and never turn back. If I see them next year, I pray they would be different persons spiritually, emotionally they'd be emotional adults. Now Lord, I pray for all the challenges, all the wounds, all the losses, all the pain that they've endured. And I ask Lord that you would make yourself real in the mighty name of Jesus, amen.  Thank you.