If you went through a real bad experience, it's a good experience because these are invaluable. The value of lifetimes of experience definitely cannot be thrown away, it's needed. The memory of experience is the only thing which can bring wisdom to you. You must learn to be happy with your compulsions. Anyway, you have the compulsion. If you are not happy with it, now you have two problems – compulsion and unhappiness. At least if you have one problem, it's easier to deal with it. You have your compulsions, learn to look at it joyfully. This doesn't mean you are happy about your compulsions, you are happy. Why always we are talking about joy and love and things is to keep the mind pleasant, to keep the emotion pleasant. Because when your mind and emotions are pleasant, you are flexible. We can do many things with you.  Nothing can be done about you. So already you have one problem, don't create the next one. Unhappiness is unpleasantness. Now when you are in a state of unpleasantness, nobody can touch you, nobody can help you, nobody can do anything with you. If you are in a state of pleasantness, you are willing to be molded into a different shape, isn't it? When you are in a state of unpleasantness, you are not even willing to be touched.  Because now you cannot be touched, you cannot be molded, you cannot be helped. So first settle that, whatever the nonsense you are. First thing is learn to be joyful and loving. Now it's easy to work with you, it's easy to help you, it's easy to reach out to you, it's easy to do things with you beyond your likes.  If we have to help you out of that, you have to be in a pleasant state. If you are in an unpleasant state, we cannot make you do something that you do not like. You will do only what you like. The more unhappy people are, the more they will insist, I'll do only this. This is how I am. Joyful people are flexible. You can make them dance, you can make them cry, you can make them jump. They'll do everything when they're happy. They're flexible. Don't lose your flexibility. That's the most important thing. That's the reason in the morning yoga.  Because flexibility is key. If you become fluid, it's great. From being solid to become flexible, then to become fluid, then to become gaseous, then to become nothing. That looks like a progression, isn't it? So it's important to keep yourself flexible. Flexibility is not possible when you are in any state of unpleasantness, either in the mind or in the emotion. So that's the reason why being joyful, being loving, being happy, being peaceful is important only for this reason. So don't create double problem. You already have enough. And these are not the only compulsions you have. You have many more. And the very purpose of Samyama is to bring all those things that you have hidden out. Because if you bury it, it will only grow.  Karma is like a sack of potatoes. The deeper you bury them, the more they will grow. So this is a place to pull them out, dry them in such a way that they cannot grow again. If you put yourself through intense enough sadhana, you will see when you go out in the world, so many of your simple compulsions are gone. And I am telling you, if you had the compulsions that you had just a week ago, you cannot sit like this, which all of you have been doing wonderfully well. You cannot sit when there are compulsions. Yes, this and that nonsense is coming. It's not that you become hundred percent free. But so many of your compulsions are finished. That's why you're able to sit. Everything is hurting. Who is not hurting? Everybody is hurting, including me. For me, only one leg, for you both. That much exemption I have because I have to sit through many Samyamas. Only one leg. For you both legs, it's hurting. That is the whole thing. Hurts, I want to get up. Get hungry, I want to run and eat. Feel like this, I want to go on pee. That is what we have outgrown that. Very hungry, but it doesn't matter. Very painful, it doesn't matter. It's a terrible compulsion. Most people won't bear it for two minutes. They'll hop around.  They're pulling out all their potatoes, not just yours. You also have to bear with the surrounding potatoes. Rotten potatoes, just pilling all over the place. But still, so don't complain, you're doing great. But still, there are a lot of potatoes to pull out. Then it's be every day pulled out, every day. Just doing it once a year, seven days is not good enough.  Then it's okay, potatoes are useful. You shouldn't get rid of your potatoes because all your experience of life will go. Just dry them in such a way they don't keep growing. What is there is there. The same damn potato grows into a million. That is an exaggerated potato, isn't it? So you dry them and just keep it as what it is. See, it is like this. You have five minutes of intense experience, let's say of pain or fear or some torturous experience or some something which was abhorrent to you, five minutes. These five minutes of potatoes will multiply and multiply and multiply and rule your whole life. Wherever you go, that's what you talk about. Wherever you are, that's what you think about. If something moves, you think the same thing is going to happen.  They will become millions of potatoes, same kind, abhorrent kind. Now you dry this potato and keep it, it is there. It's a good experience. If you went through a real bad experience, it's a good experience because these are invaluable. What you learn through unpleasant moments in your life is invaluable.  Only a fool will try to forget. If you're smart, you must remember every unpleasant experience you had without resentment, without anger, without unpleasantness, just in your memory always so that you never ever get into the same situations again.  We just want to pull out the potatoes, dry them in such a way that they cannot sprout, but we want to preserve the potatoes. We don't want to get rid of them.  The value of life's experience cannot be thrown away. The value of lifetimes of experience definitely cannot be thrown away. It's needed. If you can keep them at a distance and use them as experience, if you let it grow into you, then it's a… it just poisons your whole life. Karma, karma is the only thing. The memory of experience is the only thing which can bring wisdom to you and it is the only thing which can bind you and it is one thing which can so heavily poison your life that it can destroy you. So karma is not the problem. How you carry it is the problem. How you carry it is the only problem. Karma is not the problem.


OK, y'all, we're going to get this party started. So hi, my name is Maurice Hayward. I'm a UI developer at Ferguson Enterprise in the United States. I think here in Canada, it's called Wozly Canada. And I work on internal applications, internal web applications. And so I would like to talk to y'all about how I learned about user experience and what happened when I started talking to my teammates about it. So while I was creating this slide deck, I was watching Beyonce Homecoming. So that's going to jump out, oh, no. So user experience is about the experience a product creates for the people who use it. So let's say, for example, a product is slow, cumbersome, or unreliable. Then most likely, it will create a bad experience. On the other hand, if a product is reliable, if it's usable and very intuitive, it can most likely create a good experience for the people who use it. So before Revolution Conference, so this is a conference last year, 2018, I had no idea what that term meant, user experience. So I would like to first talk about my experience at that conference. And before I do that, I'm just going to just talk a little bit about RevCom. So it is a language-agnostic conference in Virginia Beach, Virginia, in the United States. And it was my very first conference I went to in 2017. And I try to go to it every year. I call it my home conference. So I really love it. So let's talk about that conference. So the very first talk I went to was by Chris DeMar. And it was called Focusing on Focus. And this quote right here that he mentioned during the talk floored me, y'all. So it says, 20% of people have a disability. So accessibility is a must, even for internal applications. So after this was said, I actually felt personally attacked. Reason being is I worked on, again, internal web applications. And I believe at one point, I reasoned within myself that I didn't really have to think about accessibility because my project wasn't customer-facing. And by the end of this talk, I realized my wicked reasoning was incorrect. So side note, did y'all hear about that Beyonce.com debacle? You don't hear about that? OK, so a fan couldn't use Beyonce.com using their screen reader. And this led to a lawsuit. And so I'm going to spill some tea and read an excerpt here. So it says, defendants are denying blind and visually impaired persons throughout the United States with equal access to the goods and services Park would provide to their nondisabled customers through www.Beyoncé.com. So this is just one example of how not thinking about accessibility can be quite costly. And personally, I don't want everything I own to be on the box to the left. The next talk I really appreciated was by John. And it was called UX for Developers. And I really appreciated this quote. It says, UX, user experience, the debt is technical debt. And this is very true. So let's say we don't make user experience a priority on our team. We can slowly be introducing small usability user experience issues. And all these small issues together can make our whole product really unintuitive or hard to use. It can create a bad experience. On the other hand, if we decide to tackle some low hanging fruit, some really easy usability issues, we try to go ahead and fix those really easy ones, then it can greatly improve the usability of our product. And another quote from this talk, UX is everyone's problem. So everyone on the team, whether you're a BA, a quality assurance analyst, a developer, which we are here, and or a designer, you have a responsibility to think about the experience your product creates. And the last talk I really appreciated from that conference was by Aisha. It was on web accessibility.  So she went over some practical guidelines and checklist to follow in order to improve the accessibility health of your website. But what I also really appreciated was this quote. Accessibility make life better for everyone. So this is very true. So let's kind of illish grade this. So do y'all remember this dress? Like, it was a media frenzy. Like, no one knew what the colors were of this dress. And you can imagine, like, if we had this dress in an article, and it would be, if we just had the image, it would be very hard to understand the author's intent for this image. So let's say in that same article, we just simply add a caption to that image. The caption reads, the actual colors of this dress are blue and black, but many people see it as white and gold. Just by simply adding a caption, everyone, including those who use screen readers and those who don't, will be able to understand the author's intent for this image, which was hard before because of the optical illusion. So this is just like one of the many examples of how just thinking about accessibility helps everyone. So after this talk, I was super inspired, y'all. I was very inspired. I felt like Beyonce. I may be young, but I'm ready to continue digging deeper into UX and tell my teammates about it. So let's just see how that went. So before I do that, I'm just gonna talk about the makeup of my team at that time. So again, we work on internal web applications for our organization. We had a BA. His job is to take business goals and turn them into requirements. He also created our project mockups and he did them in Microsoft Paint. And they looked awesome. So yeah. We also had a quality assurance analyst, QA. So she takes those requirements and then creates test cases. And then she ran through them using a combination of automated and manual testing. And at that time, we had three developers, including myself. We take those requirements and we implement them using web technology. So HTML, CS, CC, CSS. And JavaScript, AngularJS, and so on. So these are my teammates. So after the conference, I told my team pretty much everything I learned about UX and accessibility. But I also mentioned this, that I think user UX and accessibility should be a priority on our team moving forward. And we should allow time for it. So surprisingly, they were actually really excited and they agreed. And I got to hear about so many different experiences that they had. For example, one of the other developers, he used to work at a bank and he was a developer for them. He had to make sure that the website followed the government web accessibility guidelines. So just right on my team, there were already a wealth of knowledge on this subject. So the next thing I needed to do was talk to my manager. So again, shared my thoughts, what I learned at the conference, and I said, I, sorry, y'all. And I mentioned how I think accessibility in UX should be a priority. And she agreed. So I was like, hey, cool. But notice what she mentioned next. She was like, hey, Maurice, you know, you already been doing some user experience work, right? You already been doing that. And I was like, wait, what? What do you mean by that? I was already doing some UX. And she mentioned, yeah. When you were working on making sure that the application was responsive, you were thinking about the users. You were doing UX. And I was mind blown. So that was very true. So when I first started working on the project, I noticed that the application worked really well on desktop. But when I switched to my laptop, everything didn't look as good. So later, another front end developer and I took the initiative and convinced the business owners to allow us more time to refactor the UI into components and update the styles to allow for responsive design. So by doing this, we were letting the users be able to use the application in all screen sizes, desktop, laptop, tablet, and even on mobile screen sizes. Another use case was just be able to take the application and put it in half screen mode. So we were improving the user experience of the application. We were doing UX without even realizing what we were doing. So now, oh, so this goes on to the main point of this talk. When you, yes, you make decisions based on the need, feedback, or analytics of your users, you are doing UX. So now that our team was more conscious of why usability and accessibility was important, we needed to go ahead and just be more intentional about it moving forward. So I tried to take the lead in that. I read some resources on UX and design, and I will talk a little later about some of those resources that I really appreciated. But just reading a couple of books did not turn me into an expert. So I wanted to get some expert advice on this. So I'm on the IT side of my organization, and I found out on the business side, they have designers and UX professionals over there. I was like, I didn't know that.  And everyone took something from that on my team. So I'm gonna go through what we learned. So first, let's talk about the BA. So again, the advice that we got about usability and UX was very helpful for him, because again, if you all remember, he creates our mockups. So now he's more conscious of making sure interactions on that site are consistent. So what's the interaction? This is probably a bad definition, but anytime a user interacts with your website, so some common interactions, clicking things, clicking buttons, typing in an input form, those are some common interactions we have on a website. So let's go over an example of this. So let's say, for example, you have a eCommerce site and you have the user submit their product to the cart. And so they look at the product, they click the submit button and it adds it to the cart. Let's say on one part of the website, it is a blue button. And on the other part of the website is a red button. They do the same thing, they have the same functionality and they use for the same purpose, but they have two different colors for some reason. Well, in this case, the style isn't consistent. So unless you have a really special reason for it, I would definitely look into making those one style. Because we don't want the users to think, we just want them to add the product to the cart and buy it. The next thing he worked on was making our wording more user-friendly, especially when it came to our error messages and tool tips. So this is very embarrassing, y'all. So this was an error that we showed to some of our users. So this is, again, a very embarrassing. That's scary, y'all. We didn't know no better. So or.apache.solar.common.solarexception, colon, error during request authentication. So, again, if you're a user, this is not helpful. It's really scary. So we were able to change it from something like this to this, unable to retrieve product info, colon, solar server error. So again, the user is able to see, okay, we're not able to get the product information and there's some type of error with the server. And as a developer, if we need more information, well, we log everything. And we can also use the developer console in our browser to dig deeper if we need to. And this was just actually the first iteration of it. We later found out that we can improve on it even more. So these were pop-ups. Later on, we decided to make them in-page messages and be more useful for the user.  Maybe you can do this or do this. Or you can contact this person if you need some more assistance. So it just goes to show how user experience, it's a process, it's a continuous process. We're always making improvements. Okay, now I'm gonna talk about the other developer on my team. The first thing he worked on was making sure we only show important information on the screen. So in our application, we had a whole bunch of tables, like a lot of tables. And all those tables had a lot of columns. So one thing he worked on, if the column is not important in this scenario, or if the element is not important in this scenario, don't show it. And this is very key when you're working with different screen sizes. That's another reason why a lot of people like the mobile-first approach, because it forces you to think about what's really important. Another thing he worked on was making sure that everything was concise. So for example, we had a shopping cart. So this is very easy to understand if you see it at the top of your screen. It has a shopping cart. It has the word cart, and it says two items. So your shopping cart has two items in it. So this is fine when you have bigger screen sizes, but if you're moving smaller to a mobile device, this takes up a lot of real estate that we can use for other things. So he was able to change this to that. So it's just a shopping cart icon with a badge above it that has the number of items in the cart. And so at first, what we did was in bigger screen sizes, we showed this version. And in smaller screen sizes, we showed this. But later, we were like, you know, it does the same thing. Why maintain both of them? We're just gonna show this icon for all screen sizes. And let's talk about me. What did I do? So the first thing I worked on was making sure we only show relevant information, well, we show relevant information as soon as possible. So one thing I noticed with the application is that we waited for all the data that we got from different APIs to load successfully, then in order to render the page correctly. And that made the application be perceived as slower than it really was. So let me just visualize how it kinda looked. So we called the product API. If that data load successfully, then we called the inventory API. If that load successfully, then we called the pricing API.  So I'm just gonna show y'all a little code. This is not exactly how it was, but it just, it'll give y'all the idea. So again, we call the product API. That returns a promise. So then we can chain it with the then function. We call the inventory API, that returns a promise. We can chain it with the then function, and then we call the pricing API. But we can also see another problem with this. So let's say, for example, the inventory API just decided not to work today. The server is down. Well, if the server is down, then we're gonna get an error in the inventory API promise.  And we're not gonna call the pricing API. So the page is not gonna render correctly, and we're not gonna get any pricing information on the page. So this is pretty unnecessary. So I was able to switch it from this kind of configuration to this. So what's happening here? So all the elements on the page that don't rely on the product information, let's go ahead, if it's important, let's go ahead and show them as soon as possible. Then once that's shown, we're gonna go ahead and call the product API. And since the pricing API and the inventory API relies on data from the product API, we're just gonna call them when the product API is successful. But instead of chaining them, we're just gonna go ahead and call them independently. So let's see how that kind of looks code-wise. So again, not exact code, but just a representation. So we call the product API, if that's successful, then we call the inventory API and the pricing API separately. And it solves our problem with the error problem that we had before. So let's say, for example, the inventory API fails. Well, we have a catch statement associated with it already, so it's not gonna stop the pricing API from being called. And you can also see that I set the promises equal to variables. With that, I can check to see if these promises are still pending. If they are, where that data will be, I can just have a loading icon there. Just to, again, just tell the user it's still loading. So I really like this project. I had to get up close and personal with the event loop in JavaScript and learn about promises. I didn't know you can do that before. So next I'm gonna talk about the quality assurance analyst. What does she do? So one thing she did was logging any UX issues we saw inside of the QA record so we can keep track of them. Another thing she did was actually test the usability of our product. So she noticed that based on our users, we needed to be able to tab through our whole application. So because it was essential, she created automated testing for it. So it's now part of the regression testing. So if we break tab in, we're not passing QA. So sum everything up. As you can see, everyone on the team has a responsibility to shape the user experience of their product, regardless of your title. If you make decisions based on your users, you are doing user experience work. So let's everyone put on your reading glasses because I have some greatest of all time resources on design and UX and accessibility that I really appreciate it. So I appreciate this book Don't Make Me Think by Steve Krug. It really gets to the meat of accessibility and usability. It has sections that talk about buttons, like for example, how to style a button to make it look clickable and what text you should put in your button to make the action clear. So if that's interesting you, this is a good resource. Also the Mozilla Developer Network WebDocs. It's free and I think it's a really good resource if you're trying to learn or review web technologies, JavaScript, HTML, CSS. And it teaches those technologies with accessibility in mind. So for example, on the page that talks about the image tag, the HTML image tag, it also talks about why using an alt tag is important. And then it talks about how you can write meaningful alt tags and then goes over a scenario where you will want to have an alt tag with an empty screen. So really good resource. And one last resource y'all was the non-designer design book by Robin Williams. Again, I'm a developer. Didn't know much about design fonts or colors. And I really like how this book broke down those principles. So that's it y'all. Thank you.


My name is Dylan Osborn and I am an educator from Wichita, Kansas. Today I'm going to show you how I teach same and different ending sounds. First, I would show students a picture and ask them what the name of the picture is. What is this a picture of? Students respond with the word bug. We would show the individual sounds on our fingers for the word bug. What is the last sound we hear in bug? Students respond with G. Then I would show another picture and follow the same process. What is this a picture of? Students respond with leg. We would show the sounds on our fingers. What is the last sound we hear in leg? Students respond with G. With the picture side by side I would have the students say the names of the pictures again, bug, leg. Then I ask, do these pictures have the same ending sound? Students should respond with yes. What is this a picture of? Students respond with B. We would show the sounds on our fingers. What is the last sound we hear in B? Students respond with E. What is this a picture of? Students respond with tree. We would show the sounds on our fingers. What is the last sound we hear in tree? Students respond with E. Then I show the two pictures together and have students say the name of the pictures again, B tree. Then I ask, do these pictures have the same ending sound? Students should respond with yes. If the students respond with no, I would do the sounds again for each word and write the final sound below the picture. Let's do another example. What is this a picture of? Students respond with hand. We would show the sounds on our fingers. What is the last sound we hear in hand? Students respond with D. What is this a picture of? Students respond with bed. We would show the sounds on our fingers. What is the last sound we hear in bed? Students respond with D. Then I show the pictures together. Students say the name of the pictures again, hand, bed. Then I ask, do these pictures have the same ending sound? Students should respond with yes. After doing a few examples where the sounds are the same, I would switch to the words with different ending sounds. What is this a picture of? Students respond with map. We would show the sounds on our fingers. What is the last sound we hear in map? Students respond with what is this a picture of? Students respond with that. We should show the students on our fingers. What is the last sound we hear in bat? Students respond with then I show the pictures again. Map bat. Then I ask, do these pictures have the same ending sound? The students should respond with no. Then I would ask, why not? Students should respond with because map says at the end and bat says at the end. Once students have started getting comfortable with the skill, I would mix together examples of same and different ending sounds with the picture cards. In one example, I might use dog and cat, but in the next example, I may use cup and lip. When I feel like students have a pretty good grasp with the picture cards, I start just giving them sets of words verbally and just have them show me a thumbs up for same sound and thumbs down for different sound. Students will need several opportunities to practice the skill. This is how I teach same and different ending sounds with early childhood learners.


I am back from my trip and back to my favorite topic, gender war, how men and women hate each other's guts, despise each other, and are at each other's throats, a process that had begun 150 years ago and had reached its climax actually 100 years ago. They are on the crest of a wave that is beginning to be two centuries old, but men are hitting back now. Men are not taking this lying down, they are fighting back. Women emancipated themselves from the onerous yoke of domesticity. Women treated women as domestic slaves. They regarded women as playthings, dolls, that was the best case. They killed women for a variety of transgressions. They subjugated women, they humiliated women. Women then fought back, and now men are taking the initiative with a counter attack. This begins to resemble the war in Ukraine, only on a much, much bigger scale. What men are saying now are women, you are too independent. I am terrified, says the typical men, I am terrified that you will no longer tolerate my abuse and my infantilism. I am afraid that you will decline to serve me as you have hitherto over millennia, at least since the agricultural revolution. I know that on the first opportunity you will abandon me and I will lose you. That's what a typical man thinks nowadays. Typical men do not trust women, they don't regard them as loyal, they never did actually. Men today say to women, you are too well educated. I feel inferior compared to you, I feel inadequate. I feel that I am being outcompetent in many workplaces.  It makes me feel like a statistic, a number, a mere conquest, objectified, not special, insecure and unsafe. In short, what men are telling women is, you are too much like the men of your. You had become men. Men are telling women, you had become men and we don't like it. It's as if the male population had doubled within 150 years and the competition had skyrocketed, competition for power, competition for education, competition for positions, competition for social ranking, competition for sex, everything now. Men find themselves outnumbered, outgunned, outeducated, driven down the social ladder. The future is female, matriarchy is on the horizon, displacing rapidly and abruptly patriarchy. Men don't like it, ask any men, never mind the age, never mind the level of education, never mind the socioeconomic status, ask any men, anywhere in the world and they will tell you women went too far. Men have this sense, now western men are educated to lie, to piraricate, to pretend and to fake. Western men are taught and indoctrinated to be politically correct and so they don't dare to say what men in the east and the south openly proclaim and promulgate. Women have gone too far. Too far, not in terms of rights. There are very few men nowadays who would contest women's rights. Very few men would say men should have more rights than women. Women have gone too far, not in terms of equal pay for example, or equal wages. Actually, they still have a long way to go. The US Soccer Federation has just equalized the pay of men losing men and winning women on the teams and that took 30 years. There was a battle of 30 years to accomplish this utter no-brainer. Women should earn as much as men for equal jobs. So very few men or women are disputing that men should have equal rights or equal pay. But women have gone too far. Men are right all over the world regardless of level of education and erudition and exposure to gender studies. Men have a point. Women have gone too far. Women have gone too far in terms of militancy. They have become militant. Women began, especially in the 1980s and 1990s, began to regard the relationship between the genders as a zero-sum game. If women win, men lose. If men win, of course, women tend to lose. Men are the enemy, the adversary, the competitor, never the collaborator. So this increasing wave of militancy, leveraging issues such as sexual abuse and rape, unequal pay in the workplace, tackling, properly tackling, discrepancies in the power structure, intersectionality. The causes were just and right and proper, but the aggressiveness and the and the militancy were not. Women started to be reactant, defiant in your face. This is psychopathic behavior. Women have adopted psychopathic men as their role models.  I'm going to be as violent, as militant, as fundamentalist, as cruel, as disruptive, as the list of men, the most bullying, narcissistic, grandiose, in-your-face, defined, reckless psychopath. I'm going to be like that. These were these are the role models of women since the 1990s, the third and fourth wave of feminism. So in terms of aggression, sublimated aggression, passive aggression and outright aggression, women have gone way too far. There was also a user-patient of masculine traits, behaviors, norms and roles. This is called the stalled revolution. I've discussed it in a few minutes. Women had come to identify themselves more and more in masculine terms. This is very evident in studies over the last 40 years. Women had become men, actually, for all intents and purposes. And so, by doing so, women had invaded the psychosocial turf, the territory of men, not in order to obtain equity and equality, but in order to challenge and supplant and replace and substitute for men. It was an outright declaration of hostilities, not to say war. It was Kazus Belli. And so men, this mobilized men, this created a backlash which is now manifesting. The user-patient of masculinity led to the evolution of another version of masculinity, toxic masculinity. Ironically, toxic masculinity characterizes both men and women today. And then there was the raunch culture, gratuitous, empowering promiscuity, indiscriminate sex everywhere and with everyone individually and in groups, as a form of slot pride, a form of self-empowerment, a form of no shame and no guilt, positive sex, sex positivity. The raunch culture, as a real levy and others, a feminist, by the way, had observed, actually helped men to objectify women even further. Women had internalized the objectifying gaze of men and had become sex dolls.  Mass media, advertising industry, the fashion industry, were all modeled in order to encourage foster buttress and agenda and catalyze the raunch culture. But the raunch culture made men feel very unsafe and insecure because when men, when men started to consider relationships, committed long-term relationships, they became very worried about the internalization of raunch culture by potential intimate partners. No one wants to marry a promiscuous woman. No one wants to be in a cohabitation or a committed relationship with a woman whose ideal of sex is to be used, abused and trashed by men. So men felt unsafe. They also felt that they are losing their uniqueness and specialty because, as I said before, they became just a number in a game. Women started to compete in terms of body counts, number of acts, nationalities of various sexual partners, one-night stands, became badges of honor. Men felt that these kind of women are not relationship material and men were right. Studies show clearly that promiscuous women tend to divorce three to five times more, in some cases ten times more, tend to cheat three times more and tend to not feel commitment in relationships, to be disgruntled, to be unhappy in committed relationships. So men were right. But promiscuity had become the standard behavior of women. If you are not promiscuous, you are prudish. Something is wrong with you. Go see a therapist. And so this depleted the pool of available intimate partners and men felt that they are competing for an ever-shrinking number of boundary self-respecting women. On the other hand, many men reveled in the new fangled promiscuity of women. And I will discuss it a bit later. They men lost the incentive to commit and to invest in a relationship. Those men who were interested mostly in sex had no longer an incentive to formalize and structure their sexuality. Men now are hitting back at all these developments. Domestic violence laws have been repealed in Russia. It is now legal for a husband to beat his wife for the first time in decades. Women in Afghanistan are confined to home under a male guardian. They are no longer allowed to attend school. They have to cover their faces on television. This is a reversal of 20 or 30 years of Afghan history. In the United States, abortion rights are being repealed all over in numerous states. And the Supreme Court is about about to repeal Roe versus Wade, the 1970s decision which had granted abortion rights to all women. Women are about to lose their right to their own bodies in the United States. That's a backlash. That's a backlash. All these developments all over the world are indications that men are organizing and creating ideologies, conservative ideologies that seek to unroll, to roll back women's accomplishments, women's rights and all the achievements of the four feminist waves in the past 150 years. I will not be shocked to see additional developments driving women back to the 1950s. I will not be shocked at all, all over the world. And then there is the aforementioned toxic masculinity in men. The expression is organizations within a toxic ambience, a toxic environment called the monosphere. Men are organizing themselves. Miqtau, men going their own way, incels in voluntary syllabus, dating coaches. In all these spaces, men are organizing themselves to reject women. These are misogynistic spaces. The hatred is palpable. The distrust, the contempt. And this rejection is an organized form of rejection with an ideological cloud it's not just a series of coordinated individual acts. It's a philosophy of life. It's the belief that women cannot and should not be trusted, that they are predatory, that they are out there to get men and their property, that they should be avoided at all costs, that marriage is not about subjugating women, it's about subjugating men and that institutions of the state and the law are on women's side disproportionately, unfairly and unjustly. Women are manipulating the law and the organs of the state and various social institutions because they hold privileged positions. For example, in teaching, in the courtrooms, women are a majority of judges and so on, and women are majority of teachers. And so women are leveraging their newfound political and social power to disenfranchise men, perhaps vengefully to punish them for millennia of mistreatment. There is a war there.  So women are avoiding men or treating men as men used to treat women as objects of sexual gratification or kind of glorified pets or playthings. Women talk about men the way men used to talk about women in the 19th century. Henrik Ibsen came up with a series of theater plays describing the predicament of women at the time and the way men regarded them. Women today regard men exactly the same way. There has been an inversion of the power matrix and women are not making good use of this newfound power, rather than elevating men to their level, increasing in men empathy, compassion, affection and so on. What women are doing, they are using this power to punish men, to penalize them and to take over. It's a hostile takeover, it's not a merger, it's not an acquisition, it's a hostile takeover. So red-pillars, insales, migtails and so on, these groups of men, ever expanding groups of men, presumably there are a few million of them already, all over the world by the way, they radicalize, they escalate, they sound like fundamentalists and their hatred of women is palpable, it's not going to end well and women are now beginning to go their own way, women are beginning to reciprocate by coming up with mirrors of male toxic masculinity. The Stold Revolution, it's a term used in sociology and psychology, the Stold Revolution, Stold, S-T-A-L-L-E-D, the Stold Revolution means that when it comes to sexual mores, marriage, relationships and family, men remain stuck in a Victorian England mindset, while women have progressed into a feminist 21st century, women are still victor- men are still Victorian, they still accept purity if not virginity from their women, they still demand loyalty and they still never mind how they protest in public but privately, they still think it's the woman's chore to deal with children and the home. Men are Victorian, women are nowhere to be seen, they're out of sight because they've moved into the 21st century, they are 150 years ahead of men, men have a lot of catching up to do but not only are they not catching up as I've described earlier, men are regressing, men are trying to unroll, roll back women's accomplishments and subject women to the new patriarchy. The new patriarchy has a liberal progressive face, these are men who would tell you that they believe in equity and equality for women, they are the biggest feminists, but under the guise behind the scenes, these men are terrified and they seek to resubmit, they want women to resubmit and confronted with this abuse, women face a stark choice, either they give up on men altogether and go it alone while assuming masculine traits and roles and engaging in casual sex or they can regress and they can subject themselves to male dominance and objectification. Orange culture is actually exactly such a regression, proud sluts, they maul themselves, they render themselves, they make themselves the object of the male gaze, men dictate, men tell women how to be sluts, men inform women what clothes to wear and how to behave and these women conform. Women who are proud sluts, women in the orange culture, they're not empowered, they're slavish, they cater to the stereotypes and fantasies, the most rabid fantasies of men and so these women have regressed and they have accepted male objectification and dominance in the orange culture and in supposedly intimate relationships.  There is no other alternative, there are numerous attempts to cohabit, to have committed relationships, to get married, they don't work, these venues don't work, divorce rates are about 40 to 50 percent in first marriages, 70 percent in second marriages, 90 percent in third marriages. Fewer people cohabit today or are in intimate relationships or in committed relationships than ever before, substantially fewer, 31 percent of people are lifelong singles, about 50 percent of the total adult population are actually singles, they're in pseudo-relationships or long-distance relationships, all kinds of bullshit substitutes for a real committed, intimate, invested relationship, there's no such thing anymore. This option, relationships is dead, marriage rates have fallen 50 percent, that's five zero percent since 1990, dating is down 65 percent, even sex is down 25 percent. The genders are disengaging, there's atomization, men and women start to live all alone with their Netflix and cats or dogs depending on your sex. So women, if women don't capitulate and revert to the traditional female roles, the traditional gender roles and norms, to the erstwhile old sexual scripts and social scripts, if they don't go back there, if they don't regress 150 years, they're going to lose men, they're going to remain men less.  So if the issue is sex, a woman can have sex every single day with another man, that's hardly the issue. Intimacy, companionship, love, romance, long-term planning, children, family, they're dead in the water. Women don't, men don't have anything more to offer. Women are independent, financially, women can make children all by their own without a man.  So men have become redundant and obsolete. They're fighting back the only way they know how through the institutions of the state, trying to coerce women back into a role that is long dead as things stand now. Most men are merely taking advantage of women's new-fangled sex positivity.  Women are paying the price of this male sexual opportunism in terms of heartbreak, bed sex, childlessness, loneliness, and career of financial damage. And it's a war. It's a war. The only weapons that men have are relationships and sex.  These are the only two weapons in the arsenal of the male, of the typical modern male, and they are making profligate use of these weapons. It is a war. It's a war that men seem to be losing everywhere except the bedroom, except the living room. When it comes to intimacy, relationships, and sex, men are inflicting heavy damages on women. Men are punishing women severely.  This is women's punishment for being uppity and for going too far. And in this sense, men are winning big time. Even as they make strides in the real world, when it comes to intimate relationships, women are more abused and disempowered than ever before. Men just joyfully roam around, humping dozens of throw away disposable women in the promiscuous Disneyland of post-modernity. This inversion of gender roles and the gender wars are only one element in a world that's gone awry, in a reality that's become surreal. It's a crazy, crazy, mad world out there. The world is topsy-turvy, upside down. This is not a transition period. It is a period of utter disintegration and upheaval. Everything is falling apart. It's not a question of rebuilding. There's no will to rebuild because there's no will to engage anymore. There's no will to engage in the workplace. There's no will to engage. Men and women, there's no will to engage to create families or anything for that matter. People are tired. People of all ages are exhausted. And they are exhausted by other people, so they want to avoid people. Social media is a way of being asocial legitimately. Take for example a recent piece of news. Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift are the most recent recipients of honorary doctorates from prestigious universities. These two intellectual giants were preceded by lightweights like Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill and Nelson Mandela. Need I say more about the state of the world today?


Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, why can't men love like women? Real quickly before I get started, if you're interested in some of my content, check out the links below. My book, my free gift, even if you'd like to talk to me on the phone, check out the links below. Okay and don't forget to comment if this video is something you like to share some of your thoughts on. Okay so our topic, why can't men love like women? So and we want to explore this from two facets or a couple different facets. So just let me ramble here for a moment, give me a chance. Okay so one of the differences between men and women that I've noticed and again this is just my perspective on this is women are more fascinated with the why. Why do men do this? Why do men do that? And women tend to be more relationally oriented. In other words they're the ones buying the books out there centered around relationships and they're probably buying these books by a ratio of four to one compared to men and it could be more like ten to one. I mean I'm just speculating here but you know women buy books like the 101 lies men tell. Women buy books like the real reasons why men commit. Women buy books like eat, pray, love. Okay so and women tend to be more romanticized about the idea of love whereas men are more focused on how to meet women. One of their greatest challenges is centered around meeting women and one of my friends Tripp Kramer wrote a book called Magnetic and it says cultivate confidence become rejection proof and naturally attract the women you desire. Men are more interested in how to meet women and how to have the confidence of women. Now this isn't true for all men but this is just a sub-segment of men. So women are more fascinated and more inclined to understand the mechanics of how a successful relationship works and men are just simply how do I meet women and this is one of the reasons why I share with a lot of my clients is that when you your desire is to have men lead the relationship process you're giving the job to the wrong person because they don't study how to be in a successful loving relationship they just want to know how to meet you. Now men are predominantly driven to be provider protectors it's a very transactional way to be in relationship if I provide and protect you'll give me sex and nurturing that's kind of the transactional trade-off but we now live in a space where we can actually go deeper and so I want to actually shift the conversation I've given you kind of the differences between men and women and the way they approach it but I want to look at this from a place of self love self love in fact here let me just share with you my t-shirt the self love club because self love says I don't need another person in my life for me to be happy in other words my happiness isn't centered around being with another person and often times and this isn't always the case especially from women they tend to be a little bit more codependent from the perspective as I need a man for me to feel good about myself and that's kind of one of the differences between men and women because men don't necessarily operate from that emotional space they might from a physical space they want companionship they want attention they want sex so men are more tactile in the way they love and women are a lot more emotional but the reason why shift the conversation to self love is because particularly for you ladies because that's who my coach and coaching you know my coaching practice is helping women discern who is the right guy for them in fact let me just shift for a quick second because in my coaching I oftentimes see women spending all their energy in the wrong place when it comes to understanding men and I'm about shifting it to being more discerning how can you vet for the right guy and one of the best things you can do for yourself to vet for the right guy is become the right person within yourself by loving on yourself in fact where's my book I wrote a book called what the heck is self-love anyway there's a picture of me with my book which is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work so when you become sovereign within yourself you actually become a magnetic attractor for a man in your life and I want to say men need to focus on self-love as well men tend to be more focused in self-love in the area of how do I build my career how do I make money how do I build confidence but not from a perspective of relationship but more in the perspective of being that provider protector at least that's where it begins now men that have gone to a deeper level actually start buying the books related to being in a healthy happy relationship books like getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks books like attached by Amir Levine when a man begins to do a self-exploration journey within himself with respects to relationship then he'll start purchasing these books but he has to go through this evolution he has to go through this tunnel if you will my friend Allison Armstrong talks about the tunnel men go through and so men go through a different tunnel than women but ultimately the goal within the tunnel is self-love is self-love in other words loving on yourself feeling so happy that I don't need a relationship in my life to be happy but being partnered with someone actually brings me much joy and much happiness this is a conversation we can go into so many different directions I'm giving you just some baseline things to think about here to shift your consciousness to shift your perspective but just understand that men tend to be a little more transactional from the physical perspective of love and women tend to be more emotional so here's my invitation invest in your own self-love so you can feel that sovereignty within yourself in other words you don't need a man to feel good about yourself and then recognize that you are the leader when it comes to the emotional aspect of the relationship you can introduce these types of books to a man to build a healthy happy relationship in fact I highly recommend introducing if you're beginning a relationship with a man read the book eight dates read it together this is a fantastic book if that man wants his penis in your vagina and wants it on a regular basis then build a relationship based on the foundation of what John Gottman talks about in the book eight dates that's just my suggestion for you take it for whatever this is the world according to Jonathan but I'd like to think there's some value in what I share okay I'd like to hear your thoughts if this resonates with you post a comment below if you have something to say I want to hear about it post a comment below like this video subscribe to my channel if you haven't already and if you'd like to get a personal touch like to have a little personal touch click the link below about scheduling a call with me to see if coaching would work for you okay I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do giving you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug if I have your consent thank you mmm wishing you a wonderful day thanks so much bye bye now