Greetings, everyone. This is James P. Madonna of Megalife 21 and Progressive Discussions. And before I go on to do my next video talk show, I am stopping by from my immediate area off Route 17 South in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, the one and only, the famous Bendick Steiner, as seen on the Jerry Seinfeld Netflix series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. That's right. It is in my close area and I love it here. Outstanding food, outstanding coffee, and I will go in soon before I go on to do my next show. James P. Madonna of Megalife 21 and Progressive Discussions here. And aside from the famous Bendick Steiner in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, Route 17 South, right behind the famous Teterboro Airport where everyone with private jets lands who wish to visit New York City. We are right next door, directly next door to the famous Bananas Comedy Club in the Holiday Inn on Route 17 South in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey. And there it is. The famous Bananas Comedy Club with a very highly rated Gabriel's Restaurant. Greetings, everyone. This is James P. Madonna of Progressive Discussions. I just wanted to show you something I got in the mail. It's hilarious. It pisses me off and it inspires me to definitely get the word out to everyone to make sure you register to vote for this November 2018. This looks like a personal check when I first opened up the letter from Vice President Mike Pence, who makes no sense. I thought it was a check from the government to me, the cash. Oh no, it's a campaign contribution to be made to be made to every Republican candidate for this November 2018 election.  Especially an establishment two-party system politician, a corporate whore, right? Look at that. You can zoom in if you want. Mike Pence, okay. $35 and it looks like it was handwritten but it's not. It says here $1 for each Senate race in 2018. $35 and zero cents. Republican National Committee. Do you believe this crap? I don't. From the evangelical, religious freak Vice President Mike Pence. Unbelievable. Progressive discussions. I'm not at you. It's cumulative. I think it's cumulative fricking stress and the weather. In the paper that was in the paper today, Jersey's the most stressed out state in the nation. Got more. Oh yeah, we'll get the cost of living in this New Jersey. You want to laugh? I thought this was a personal check from Vice President Mike Pence. It looks like a handwritten personal check, right? $35. I open it up. It's a sneaky way to get me to contribute to all the Republican candidates for this November. It says from Mike Pence, Vice President Mike Pence, who makes no sense. I laugh when I saw it. It says $1 for each Senate race for Republicans. Mike Pence and it's like, I know it's not done by him personally.  Oh no, no. And Trump just disrespected all the women that were sexually assaulted. I mean, more than once. I just thought it was ridiculous. But then again, I received serious business envelopes from car dealers, insurance companies. You open it up and you think it's a real serious letter, but it's not. It's insane.  Am I giving them any? I wouldn't give them one red cent. Oh, by the way, do you use Vicks? Because I have some brand new jars in the car. What are you doing? I stick it in my nose.  But I put it in my nostril. That's too greasy. That's your petroleum. Yeah, but it's that eucalyptus menthol. I don't care. It's greasy. I don't like my better version of grease. Petroleum jelly. Yeah, and that is the base. I don't like grease. That's the end of the argument. I don't like grease. I just put it in my nose if I'm congested. Oh, I don't like grease. I want nowhere near me. You'd rather take medication. I don't like grease. I don't like grease. No, that's not... I know. Well, I'm saying, theraflu expresses liquid. Yeah, but we're talking about grease. I don't like grease. Horrible. No, some people tell you it's always related to mineral oil. It's natural, but I don't know about that. It's greasy. It's not like oakete, which absorbs right into you. Stop arguing with me. It's greasy. I don't like grease. Somebody won't keep talking about it. I have an inversion to grease. That's it.  It's like I never like chains around my neck. My uncle is the same way. I never like anything on my Adam's apple. I don't even taste this. Of course it's chili in here. What else is new, right? Sucks in here. I don't know how well they're from the place.  Oh, you mean some of the higher-ease quit already? Mate, this guy seems to have left. Oh, geez. A lot of them left. So, to keep them separated for as long as possible. So, I did. And then, the new chips were really ready. Right. The managers said, I work so much for you. You're talking so much about business and management of people. I said, thank you. It would not be great if there was a suggestion box that the owner actually read the suggestion. Oh, Jimmy, they've got it on the window over there. How are we doing, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nobody cares. It's lip service. That's right, Jimmy. So, why bother? So, what's the difference between that and the goddamn box? No, oh, they're going to really read those now. No, they're not. They don't care. They don't have a clue.  They don't listen. I remember, God rest his soul, when Eddie Koch was mayor of New York, he used to do that, let me know how you're doing. Yeah, remember that? Like, that's going to change your... Do you listen to the responses or the demands of the people? No, why?  You know?  That's like, that's like the mon... the troll Rudy Giuliani's saying, truth is not truth. Then what is it? And what is... He's a troll, man. Why, too, you know? We haven't heard from him. Well, now he just lets Trump bury himself deeper and deeper. He doesn't need any help, that's for sure. You dig your grave, now you're lying. What's up? Just what you wanted? I'm calling everybody out. He's added a spotlight. Dumbo Ears Sessions. But it's still...  Oh, it's just over there. Why don't they close it out?  I don't know. That might be worth nothing someday. This is another whack job for what I hear. He's a religious freak. These are people that insist that if a guy masturbates, you're murdering sperm. It's murder. Actually, they're that crazy.   Rick Santorum, I'm sorry. Now he's got a job once in a while. He's on CNN. I forget what state. One diner. Two people showed up. I thought there were a lot more religious nuts out there. Two people? They showed him sitting there like this. Isn't that sad? It's my heart bleeds for him. Two people?  A fertilized egg is no more a baby than an acorn is to an oak tree. It's a potential life. That's all it is. Nobody can prove it either way. But neither do they know. The only people that actually come out with evidence is ancient aliens. They would show you the chromosomes, DNA structure, the whole bit of the damn thing. They showed you the chromosomes and DNA. Everybody has a comment, the whole bit. I wonder where your girlfriend's been, boy. I come 315 every day. Every day. I lean every day, 315 p.m. Sure you do, I lean. Fire. And when you think about it, it's like, I don't think she belongs to any organizations. She has an excuse of doing something else. What do you mean? I don't think she belongs to any organizations. She has an excuse of doing something else. What do you mean, like what? I don't think she's really that busy for her. Does she like meditate and stare at the four walls? Maybe. Oh, God. I stopped at Walmart to pick up a couple items and they had a representative for the Medicare supplemental insurance plan. I told them. I told them, I says, here's my UnitedHealthcare card. How come they don't pay for dental work? I said they didn't even give me options when I called UnitedHealthcare. What's the point in them paying for x-rays if they won't pay for work? She says, you're absolutely right, Mr. Madonna. I says, wow. My open enrollment is the 15th. I got to make a switch. She says, you have an HMO. What you need is a supplemental PPO. But they didn't tell me this. How come they never said anything to me when I called? How do you know this? You know what UnitedHealthcare did when I called them? They just stuck me in a plan. They just went, OK, you're covered.  You don't want to Oscar shift the connections. What happened yesterday with your mom? You said you were just going to talk to her doctor. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to use common sense in running a business. You know, it's funny, the ones, like the younger guys that have business cards and they brag that, like they're self-made, meanwhile their father established the business and they just go, they just go, well, they make the business cards. They're probably for the ladies. My friend from Guiana said, what you said, beware of a guy who brags about his sexual exploits.  Yeah, he said, men don't even bring the subject up. I mean, honest men. He just came back and now you got to walk all the way down here. Yeah, I got to give him his, I got his tripod for his smartphone. The Mexican, you know his name, I don't, the bartender. Oh, Oz, oh, OK. This way I can mention both of them when I do a review of how great they are. This has been Omega Live 21 production.


people will not on or there will not be any change, but then a gentle word is It can even break a bone strong enough then we also see that It's it's it is like cold water to a weary soul refreshes the person When the right words are good news First a good news, but the right words are spoken and and also that if one does not rule over his own spirit or her own spirit Then it's we make ourselves Very very vulnerable It's like a city that is broken down that is without walls. So there's no protection there is we are open to all kinds of attack and And so is the person who does not have a self-governing ability, right? So of course if a person does not have a self-governing ability then the words they speak also will be you know without self-control right harsh words Words that are spoken which are without self-control may be spoken in Spoken in anger and so on so it's like we place ourselves in a vulnerable position It's like a city that is broken down that does not have security does not have walls So, of course, we don't want that so scriptures warning us today. They are reminded today of this right, so let's let's pray and Let's ask the Lord to You know give us this ability to use these kind of words Let's pray Father we we thank you this morning that for this reminder about words appropriate words gentle words We thank you for the reminder that Yeah, God that Words that refresh a person's soul and person's spirit Father we thank you that for the reminder that when we do not have self-governing ability We place ourselves in the world a very vulnerable position open for attack God be Lord we do not want that so God we thank you for this Reminder and warning father God we pray that Me our hearts Be filled with your words Lord Maybe be filled with your spirit Lord and so the overflow of our heart Lord, I pray that will be words That come from your heart Master when we respond to situations when we respond to Circumstances when we respond to conflicts when we respond to taunts and when we respond to all kinds of things Lord temptations and Lord I Just pray that it will be a spirit lead spirit overflow a word overflow response father God and I just pray that for each one of us even our reactions God even our reflects reactions will be a righteous Reflects reaction father God that it be righteous the even the triggers God it'll be righteous father God Master we pray that you would that we would So expose ourselves to your word that we would that you would so fill us with your spirit with your presence father God that Be so molded and changed and transformed God that our response our reflects will be righteous We thank you Lord we come at ourselves to your mighty hands in Jesus name. We pray Amen, okay awesome, let's Now let's Get right in any questions based on what we discussed last class We we spoke about Conflicts right we spoke about conflicts and then we were looking at Yeah Just a minute Yeah, so we were looking at conflicts and the reason why there are conflicts so any Any questions So why do you why do you think there are conflicts? You know if we are new creations if we are born again if you follow the Lord Jesus if we are believers You know there should be no conflicts, right? Is that a good as a is that a Safe assumption or not to assume that hey two believers are getting married to two people who love the Lord Jesus What do you think what is your response? Anyone yes Yes conflicts are rights because of we are human sometimes who become emotional So conflicts can arise even between believers Yeah, they become emotional So which is basically the area of our soul right thought our mind will emotions And the Lord Jesus has on the cross. Yes Well, we are born again because of I don't know that's perfect sacrifice and we are born again by the incorruptible word But our soul Well, it remains unchanged and it is our responsibility to renew our mind it is our responsibility to be Conformed to the likeness of our Lord and Savior to be Christ like right so In order to live a consecrated life in order to you know respond in a sanctified manner, you know, so that's our responsibility right so Emotionally we get stirred up we react we lash out maybe and There are conflicts. Okay, so Zalitoli says we are different from each other. You know, that's a that's a very basic a wide category in the sense Yes, as men and as women. Okay, so marriage is between a man and a woman You know, we are very clear about that. Right. That's the biblical standard. So when we see that This is how God intended us to be We see that God is designed as wired as differently ideas created as differently and so we see in terms of personality in terms of thinking in terms of You know everything right from the way we process information the way we remember we looked at that right memory also the way we remember details you know for men it could be You know, maybe event driven for women, it could be Totally different. They might remember the details that men might have a very Where birds eye view of the big picture that women will have, you know details like dates and time and you know And so many other things like so there are differences in that way There are differences in our habits. There are differences and to and to add it all there are differences in the way We were brought up the difference in culture. They're different in customs and so on So with all these differences, you know, it's one if you look at it. It's the differences that actually kind of draw It does to each other Right, like if you look at a couple husband and wife, it is the differences that actually True them to each other in the first place So they they you know kind of got to know each other like each other and so on It is because of these differences.  Maybe you find the person interesting because they are so different But then the very things that you find to be interesting You know Becomes Points of conflicts or factors for conflicts right because you are so different, you know, how can't why can't you do it like this? but the fact is I'm different and And the fact is that that is what? You know threw me to that person in the first place, but then now as a as we go through life Then these are the things which which arise a sharp differences, right? So where conflicts do happen, you know, that's that's a reality. So it's it's not It's okay if conflicts happen it it's because of these differences, but conflicts need to be you know sorted got conflicts need to be resolved and We looked at last class we looked at the anger Question there, right? We looked at some of those things which which we do or which we Some of those statements we looked at and we say, okay Is it true in my case is it falls in my case because as a result of Conflict one of the things that happens one of the emotions that gets stirred up and released is anger right and Anger we saw that it is it is a good emotion because it's it's it's like pain, right? It shows us that something is wrong. Just imagine if we did not have if you were not sensitive to pain, you know and then We would be having all kinds of problems all kinds of difficulties We would be probably walking on thorns and walking on certain things that cut our soul cut our feet And totally, you know oblivious to it Just because we have a response of pain we know that oh that's something that I should avoid Oh, I need not step there or I can't put more pressure On that particular place because you know, it is it is actually hurting me right, so So we see that like that anger is actually showing us that something is wrong Like something has we have been wronged or there has been a sense of injustice and all that so it shows us, you know, something is wrong, but it is if we would If we would act on or act In response to anger Then we would commit sin. So the Bible that is very clear efficiency is for we saw be angry and do not Let the sun not go down on your wrath. So we looked at that scripture. Okay, so Let's look at you know, why we stopped we stopped at You know the steps to resolve conflicts, right? We looked at I think a few let's just go over that again the steps to resolve conflicts. Okay, the first one In resolving conflict is something that we do personally but even before we We approach the other person with whom we have a conflict in this case. We're talking about husband and wife So even before we approach and try to resolve try to bring a solution Type to confront whatever it is even before that The first step is to pray and prepare ourselves Yeah, this is a very important step because we We would have had Some emotions stirred up anger rage right Maybe some bitterness We could have said some words in anger. We could have you know done some things right or You know, whatever it is our reaction response could have been unrighteous right sinful so We need to first of all get right with God So just go before him and say lord I did this Or I acknowledge you know acknowledge What are some things to acknowledge acknowledge what the details of what went wrong? From our side from your side and from my side to acknowledge and say god This is something that I did it was wrong. This is something that I said It was wrong irrespective of what the provocation You know, sometimes we justify our emotions or our words or our actions Because of the provocation Right because the extent of provocation saying that Well, this was done to me. Therefore. I was right in doing this Right now. That's as long as we have That attitude we can't go very far in Resolving a conflict as long as we have that attitude saying, okay, I'm justified in saying this I'm justified in doing it. I'm justified in you know causing hurt If you're going to have that attitude and it's going to be it's going to be very difficult because Sooner or later that will again crop up that will again come up Right and we're going to that will be counter it'll counteract the entire process. We cannot have Not to resolve it Okay, but first of all, you know, why do we want to resolve this conflict? Okay, is it okay to just be quiet? Is it okay to just You know brush things over Yeah, we okay. We had a fight. We had a conflict Let's move on now You know, let's just forget about it Let's just move on What do you think is it okay to do that? You know, we we just pray forget that it didn't happen You know, just like that was as far as east is from the west So far as we removed our sins and you know, it's forgotten it just cleanse. So Can't we also do the same thing? Just forget it What do you think? Is it okay to have that attitude and say okay? I know we had a fight, but just forget it. It's okay. What do you think is it okay? If it's if it's okay, right Um Why is it okay if it's not okay? Why is it not okay? Um, okay, jeffina says no So jeffina, can you also tell us why it's Why is it a big no? If somebody thinks okay, it's okay to do that You know overlook something and keep going Um, maybe you can say why? Um, so that is clear in our minds Uh, I think it's a no because uh I think we should solve the issue like It's just Because I think in my case, I don't think I'll forget it If we just move on I'll remember it one second one day and I'll be like that day you stole me to find it I didn't forget it Or something like that, but if we just solve it and if we just speak about it Um Yeah, okay, so jeffina says okay, it's better to talk um Okay, so another question, you know, are there some things that uh that we can You know just brush aside. Are there some things no like major things minor things Should we major on minor things? um What do you think are there some things that you can just Let go I don't think so But I don't think so If we really have that time to talk about it, just talk it out Right because I think we girls remember remember every details You remember the details even if it's at least more you don't remember the details I don't think it would be nice to just Because we are obviously going to remember Okay, so because of memory, okay memory is a good thing but memory also You know we remember these things so it could crop up in future of the relationship. Okay So alesha says uh, no because the underpinning issues causing the conflict need to be discussed. So we avoid Reoccurring the situation to reoccur. So uh, whatever has cost it in the first place um, you know, if you don't get to the root of it, we always stand chance of this whole thing coming up again, right? And and next time it'll be even powerful even more intense Because this is not resolved. So we're talking about a conflict.  Not that kind of a thing is here You've actually had a fight or actually had an argument actually had A conflict. Okay, so we're talking about that kind of a situation, right? See there are times when we feel upset Uh, and we've not done anything about it. We've not shown it to that person We've not expressed that with the person but here inside, you know, we've we've become angry with the person Um, but we've not really expressed that anger. So down in those cases We can actually get get things right with God. You know, just go before God and then say Lord I I felt this way about this person. I I should not have or you know, I had these thoughts I had these things to do. I wanted to take revenge Um, I had these I felt this way and I felt, you know, bitter about that person. So, um, I know I should not have right. So we get right with God and yeah, that's it We we clear things and we just we move on So here we talking about a situation where we've actually had enough conflict, right? So then in that case It is there as a marker. It is there as a as a banner. You know, it's like, okay, this is what happens. So, um Try as we might it is still there. It is still not ironed out. So We need to you know, especially Since the marriage Relationship, you know, we are we are striving for a lot of things We are working on a lot of things the process of becoming one We want trust to be there. We want transparency to be there. We want the communication to be there Right all those good things, right and we want it to be there So an unresolved conflict comes like it's like a slowly, you know, building up a wall. It's like a barrier that comes up So, uh, unless it is dealt with it's going to it's going to come up So yeah, so that's um, so that's the reason why we need to not brush it Under the carpet, but really Deal with it, right? Okay. So let's look at The first thing that we said, okay, we need to pray we need to prepare our heart So we go before God we confess and we say Lord. I just need your grace So take some time to do that and as we do that I'm sure, you know, when you you're revisiting Okay, um, this is the reality when you revisit Something unpleasant then you're going to feel those emotions again Okay, so maybe You're going back to that time You're going back to that moment when these things happen So you're going to feel those emotions get ready for it.  You're going to feel upset again right and so there's no So it's better to be prepared and say, okay as I revisit I'm going to feel all that because I'm again thinking Replaying that whole thing that happened But this time the thing is this that um, we are in the presence of God We are talking to him and we are You know pouring out our hearts to him Right this time. We're saying God. I'm feeling this way. It's like What the psalmist would say the psalmist that if you read the psalms, you know We see that he would just pour out. He would just vent out to God. He would say God. Are you even there? Are you just it's like God, you know, I'm feeling this God my enemies are doing this God and he would just vent out Right, so this is what we're doing. We're going before God and we're saying Lord. I'm feeling this pain Lord. I'm feeling hurt Lord, I think injustice has been done God So you pouring we pour out to him and as we do that the Lord Speaks to us the Lord reminds us who he is Right and and as we pour out to him there is As he hears and as we listen, you know, there is the sense of peace because he is the God of peace And he releases peace And the work of the Holy Spirit is you know, if you if you see Galatians 5 and verse 20 22 We see that the work of the Holy Spirit the fruit of the work of the Holy Spirit is love joy peace You know goodness and patience and kindness and gentleness And self-control and so all the all these are release. We are actually giving An opportunity We are opening the doors for all these things to come into our heart to come into our to flood our thoughts to flood our minds and so We are being prepared our heart is being prepared and we are being prepared to face um Yeah, prepare to actually resolve the conflict Right, so that's the second thing that happens even as we pray even as we prepare our hearts. We are receiving Something from him Okay, so we are receiving. What are we receiving? We are receiving his love We are receiving we are being enabled by God to love and to forgive right Romans 5 and verse 5 is a very powerful verse because his it says The something has been given to us already Okay, uh, if we would turn there Romans 5, maybe I'll just um project Just a minute. Sorry, okay So we here we are receiving his empowering Okay, we're receiving his empowering to to love We are receiving his empowering to forgive Okay, so let's look at Romans chapter. So I thought I had the verse Here So let's let's look at the verse Romans 5 and verse 5 Okay says now hope does not disappoint because The love of God has been poured out into our hearts By the Holy Spirit who was given to us Okay, so the love of God Has been poured out into our hearts By the Holy Spirit who was given to us. So what has been poured out into our hearts? You know, it's it's something amazing. It says the love of God Okay, and the word used there is agape okay, which is Which is something amazing because every believer has access to agape Not just to receive In the sense not just to be a recipient of God's love for us Right, but it says here that this love has been poured out into our hearts And what is the reason so that we can Actually express because that is what we see in 1 Corinthians 13 1 Corinthians 13 if you want to turn there says again the whole chapter is about agape the God kind of love the unconditional love and Okay, let's read a few verses from there. Okay 1 Corinthians 13 and verse 4 says the old English says love suffers long But it means love is patient Love does not envy. Love is not selfish. Love is not jealous. Love does not parade itself is not puffed up. Love is not proud Love does not behave rudely nor seek its own is not provoked things. No evil and all these good things Good characteristics. We see it's found in Christ. It's Christ likeness, but it is the agape love Right, it is the unconditional love of God So this has been poured out this love has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit So it's something really amazing because uh, well, we can't say that Okay, I don't have the ability Because God has actually as a believer One who is connected To the vine we have a God kind of life Zoe in us Right and secondly we have the God kind of love that has been poured out by the Holy Spirit Okay, so we have been Empowered we have been given the resource So as we prepare our hearts God actually enables us To love with this kind of love to forgive with this kind of In a forgiveness, right? So when we pray we acknowledge God, thank you You know, we receive all right. Thank you for that love. Thank you for pouring out your love Thank you for you know for the this kind of love that forgives the love that does not Behave rudely that does not envy Love that is patient. Lord. I thank you that I have this love We are poured out. So this all this happens and it's You know, it's it's making a change. We are we are arriving personally. We are arriving at a place To suitably resolve the conflict Okay, um, so you see You know as believers How can I be? unequally yoked to one who's not a believer In order to have this kind of receiving from God right in order to have this kind of Healing this kind of an enabling or empowering from God In order to show or in order to express to each other Like how can I have access to it? Like the natural man does not receive the things of God because they are spiritually The sound they are spiritually received and one who is dead One who spirit is dead to God is unable to receive this So um, so we are prepared To receive okay, and the third thing is this third step Is to receive The wisdom to address the situation Wisdom comes from the Lord the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and understanding I proud chapter 2 and verse 6 talks about that. So We we need to have the wisdom In order to resolve this conflict. So the thing is that you know, not all conflicts are simple Right. Some are multi-layered. Some are interconnected Right, and we need the wisdom of God We need the wisdom of God to address it in the right manner We need the wisdom of God to to even take that first step. We need the wisdom of God Um, so many times we approach the situation without wisdom and it becomes even worse And then you know, uh, how it was Right, so we need the wisdom of God Um, so and God is uh, of course we see in the book of James James chapter 1 that he is Um, more than willing he is the if we go before him and say Lord, I lack wisdom James 1 and verse 5. Let me just read that out Um Okay, James 1 and verse 5 says if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God Who gives to all liberally and without reproach and it will be given him Okay, so our hearts are prepared. We are in a much better place We've received healing from the for the hurts the love of God has been for you know We are experiencing the love of God and we've been empowered by the love of God And all this is happening in our hearts and then we are in a place to receive the wisdom of God Right. We are saying, okay God. I need wisdom. What should I do? And it says here that he's more than willing like he gives to all liberally and without the approach But let him ask without doubting verse 6. Let him ask in faith Let him ask without doubting and it will be given, right? So, uh, the Lord says, okay you go sometimes it's like Just go and Just confess Um, just go and start with this And I remember, uh, for me Uh, I was sharing about that other incident, right? So where I was trying to justify, okay This is what happened. This is what I did. This is what she said. This is what I said and all that and the Lord said stop Okay, so stop, you know, you've you've said that you're wrong because of these reasons one two three four five and that's enough I will take care of the rest Uh, but in another instance now, this was with the with the with the group actually, uh with the team and and uh, the Lord while while in prayer the Lord actually, you know Gave me a picture visual thing and then said, okay, this is what you need to do Uh, you just need to empty yourself You just need to whatever has you know, you have done wrong You just need to confess You just need to do that and publicly and then acknowledge, okay And I will take care of the rest. My my response was but but Lord, you know, how it is but Lord, you know, uh You know, maybe I should defend myself I should justify why I did what I did or maybe I should say, okay These are some things that I did right, but these are some things that I did wrong But I don't say no, you just go with this just go Whatever you did wrong Start with that. So the Lord gives a wisdom the Lord gives a strategy right the Lord gives, um, you know, maybe the starting point Sometimes uh, and that's that's more than enough right So, uh, you start off with that. We need the wisdom of God and we we Start with it. We receive it and then we work on it. You know, it's not just enough to receive the wisdom we need to take that step of um working on the wisdom or working in line With that instruction with that council, you know, many times we can receive the council and not do anything about it But we need to You know, it's like people who sometimes stop you and ask you for directions and you give them the directions And they don't take it up.  I stopped and I you know gave them directions you turn left one right you go there and you should reach it And then you've done that and then they're not You know working on your instruction So the Lord gives wisdom the Lord gives council now we need to work on it. Okay okay The fourth one Is to discuss and address the matter now. This is this is where it really becomes challenging okay, so Now is now now is the thing all this was personal preparation the first three was personal preparation where we prayed where we where we were empowered enabled by the love of god and we See the wisdom of god. So all that happens and now is the uh, is the is the time to really Put it to take that step. Okay, so now you're going to lovingly confront and uh, you're going to address this whole matter Okay, so now the other person now the spouse comes into the picture here It becomes challenging. There's no more about just you it's about No, it's it's us right. It's it's both of you So, uh, it becomes challenging right, so We need to speak truth Not hold back the truth Okay, we need to address the truth um But that truth needs to be spoken in love and many times we we want to speak the truth And truth hurts And uh, we speak it Without love Okay, when we speak truth without love then it can't really hurt I it can It'll be It'll be without grace And we have and we have been asked to we've been instructed to speak the love To respond to speak the truth in love. Sorry speak truth in love. Okay, so if you look at uh, efficiency four Okay, efficiency four and verse 15 Let's say we read 14 and 15 We should no longer be children tossed to and fro carried about with every wind of doctrine by the trickery of men The cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting was 15 but Speaking the truth in love may grow up in all things into him who is the head Christ Yes, so speaking the truth in love is growing in christlikeness like speaking the truth in love is Is becoming more like him right, so, um, so this is the thing so What is important is Where we speak it When we do it when we speak it Right the time that is chosen to speak speak the truth like to discuss it and And also, you know, how you do it Okay, so where do you do it? When do you do it and how you do it? Okay, very important So where you do it? Okay You need to Discuss and okay find a place where it's uh, it's conducive for resolving You know, if you're doing it in a In a manner that's a hurried manner and on the way just about to leave the house And everybody, you know, both of you are working and you're just about to leave. Hey, by the way, you know I'm sorry this happened and uh, yeah, I think we just need to put it behind We have anything to say, you know, you've got two minutes to Leave the house and do you have anything to say? No, okay fine. I think we are sorted Let's let's put this behind. Let's know that's not you know You just rush through something and the person is, you know In your mind, you want to just solve it and get going but then you need to give time Right for the other person as well to To just think through. Okay, so it's going to take time It depends right so Where you do it? Okay, when are you going to do it? Pick a time and both are Both are not preoccupied with things both are not busy Both are, you know in the frame of mind to to talk about and to discuss now Yeah, just pray, you know, you've prayed and you've asked for business and I'm sure God will give us grace to To arrive at that. Now, that's one of the first things that you come in agreement with Right. Okay. Let's let's do this Let's talk about it. Okay So what what is challenging in this is that one person is hurting more than the other? Okay So they're not ready yet Maybe it's the conflict has been very very intense and you know kind of you've had a major you know Major conflict in words been spoken People hurt etc. So it's Maybe it's it needs the other person needs a little more time. No, that's fine But you didn't give the reassurance saying, okay, I really want to talk about it. I would really want to You know address this I think it's It's not it's it's not helping It's not helping our marriage. It's not helping our relationship. So let's let's talk So if you're not ready now, so, you know, let me know when you're ready I'll ask you again or maybe you can think of any other time, but let's talk about it Okay, so so you decide that And you find the place and the time so the thing is to Start with one thing and get to the root of the matter Okay, rather than a whole lot of things right start with one thing and discuss that so maybe Since you're the person who's taken the initiative to to resolve You start with that you go first. Maybe or maybe you can ask the other person.  Now you go first. Okay So you go first you say, okay, this is what this is what happened Okay, in my understanding this is what happened and and maybe you can go through the facts Okay and how the whole situation broke down right and how each person responded in anger and maybe Blamed each other maybe spoke root things to each other, etc So you can just talk about that all the while, you know, not blaming the other person but Just stating things as it as it happened. Okay So it's important for the other person to Uh, when one person is speaking together, it's important for the other person to be quiet and And just hear hear out Okay, so if the if the other person is speaking If your spouse is speaking, it's important for you to be quiet and hear out. Listen Now you might want to Jump in and say something and defend I you might be tempted to do that but don't do it I just relax be quiet and Even when When your spouse is finished, then you explain Okay So certain things to avoid You know, let me just put it in the chat Blaming while It is true, you know, there there could be one person who did this and they they know they They did something they said something they threw something at you You know, they had to be blamed but When you're resolving don't blame the person.  So don't blame. Don't criticize Don't attack. Don't retaliate Okay Size Don't attack the person and Don't retaliate if even if they are saying certain things don't retaliate Okay It's easy something to avoid, you know, because you're trying to resolve something You don't want the situation to go worse than it is already right. So don't do that Okay, so, you know in the notes, there are some practical steps which are, you know, taken from this website. So So we can talk about that We can we can go through that. So the thing is we are talking about one issue. We're not talking about multiple issues One major issue which is contributed to the to the Conflict so you talk about it you And then you discuss, okay, how to How to resolve this whole thing, right? This one thing at Uh, as a result in a break in a breakdown and maybe there was maybe there was misunderstanding on each side Uh, we can talk about that and clear the air Okay, it's because you thought this you assume this or I thought this way and that is why I Said this and I did this so you can if there are any misunderstandings Um, you can clear that at this time And to come up with some solutions. Okay Now now, what do we do about this now? Okay, what do we do about this? Can you suggest something? Um, well if some suggestions are shared then you consider, okay Evaluated objectively Right now all this would We'll be able to do it only if we have actually prepared our hearts initially Prepared our hearts in God's presence because otherwise, you know, we are again Uh, when things are stirred up, we will We will not be able to proceed. We'll be able to we will just go back And start blaming go back start criticizing go back in anger And the the matter will be worse than when we started it, right? So so the thing is to especially in that stage of Okay, what are the solutions, you know, because the thing is we are different one could be Well, personality wise one is maybe Um, short tempered One still has anger issues It's uh, it's a difficult thing But as a couple we need to Learn to do this Right. Um, we need to be able to Make uh, do this, you know as a couple's many things that you learn to do This is one of the, you know, you can say quote-unquote quote-unquote skill to learn as a couple Right, uh, and over a period of time you realize, okay, we can do this Yeah, we had a conflict We can but we can do this, you know, you you do it in a very amicable manner And you might even laugh through the whole thing Okay so, um Let's look at a couple of scriptures that help us Matthew chapter five and verse nine. Okay, let's uh Read that Matthew five and verse nine says blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of god Okay, excuse me peacemakers so meaning that Okay, so if I'm actually trying to resolve trying to make peace The Lord Jesus says that blessed are the peacemakers Okay, saying I'm blessing you releasing my blessing upon you blessed are the peacemakers For they shall be called sons of god. Okay. Um, okay, so we'll continue We'll just take a break and then we'll continue. Thank you


previous lecture we have been discussing about the chemical characterization, the pore solution sampling and how these pore solutions can be utilized for characterizing the geomaterials. Today I will be discussing one more technique of you know what is defined as soil washing. And this also is a technique to create pore solution if I wash the sample with adequate amount of water and I can create pore solution and I can characterize the geomaterials. I will continue with discussion on corrosion potential of soils today and maybe sorption desorption will come later and this would be followed by thermal, electrical and magnetic characterization. There is an interesting technique of characterizing soils based on their chemical characteristics particularly if you want to assess what is the level of contamination of the soils. Soils may get contaminated because of anthropogenic activities. One of the interesting techniques to find out the contamination of soils is its washing. Now it may so happen that soils may get contaminated because of several natural phenomenon or anthropogenic processes. I think anthropogenic processes all of you understand this could be the influence of the industrial activities which are going on vigorously everywhere in the world. And the natural processes could be I am sure you must have heard about the oozing out of arsenic in certain part of the country particularly in the eastern part of the country where the arsenic comes out of the ground and contaminates the water and this is a environmental effect on the soils and soils leach out arsenic. So, what I am trying to say is that the soil contamination could occur both naturally as well as anthropogenically and if you want to establish what is the level of contamination of soils. These techniques which I am going to talk about today would be very very useful. We have been working on the concept of soil pollution index. This is the quantification of how much the polluted the soil is and why I am trying to quantify the soil pollution or soil contamination is because of the simple fact that as a geotechnical engineer, environmental geotechnologist I would like to decontaminate the soils later. And when you decontaminate the soils this process is quite time consuming as well as cost intensive. So, in today's world everything is cost oriented, time oriented and you cannot use qualitative terms just to define the soil is contaminated. The question which industries ask you is what is the level of contamination and how much time and efforts it would take to decontaminate the soils. So, with this pretext I will start my discussion on how would you assess the level of contamination of your materials or the soils. There are two techniques which are normally used and these techniques are direct techniques or the direct methods and indirect methods and there is a big series of direct methods which are available in the literature, people have been working in this area. The first one is pore solution extraction which I was discussing in the previous lecture. You can take out a sample of geomaterial, it could be concrete, it could be soils, it could be rocks and you can place it in a pressure membrane extractor which I showed you last time. You can apply certain amount of pressure through the compressed air and in the process the pore solution comes out and this pore solution can be analyzed by using atomic absorption spectrophotometer which I showed you when we were discussing about the chemical characterization or this can be analyzed by using ICP-MS inductively coupled plasma mass spectroscopy. So, depends upon what is the level of accuracy you want. AAS is less accurate, it is normally used up to PPM levels parts per million of the concentration of the contaminants. ICP-MS is used for you know PPB or PPT levels parts per billion or parts per trillion levels and then people are using gas chromatography also particularly to identify the level of contamination which is form of organic volatile substance. A gas chromatograph has become necessary equipment in modern day geotechnical engineering laboratories because you would like to ascertain the level of contamination of the soil before you start doing the conventional tests including the specific gravity, liquid limit or particle distribution or whatever. Then we have different types of ion selective electrodes in the market which are very useful to find out what is the level of contamination of the geomaterials. There are different types of probes and sensors which are nowadays being used and developed and this is where geotechnical engineers like me would like to collaborate with people from nano sciences, nano electronics, metallurgy department, physics professionals, chemical engineers, biotechnologists, microbiologists and so on because these are the guys who give inputs to a designer who could design a sensor for a specific purpose. So, gas sensing is state of the art right now, liquid sensing is state of the art right now solid form of contaminants in the soil is also a very very state of the art thing in the present scenario. So, all the phases of the matter can be detected by using the sensors. There is another series of tests which falls under the category of indirect methods and this is where we have done lot of work in our field by utilizing the impedance spectroscopy by employing an impedance analyzer. So, those of you who have some interest in electrical engineering, electronics engineering you might have come across this equipment which is impedance analyzer or impedance spectrometer. So, what we do is we check the response of the material in a very wide range of frequency of current AC alright. So, we will talk about the discussion between what type of current should be utilized DC or AC, what are the advantages and disadvantages and this is sort of a third eye for me. I hope you understand what is the meaning of third eye, third eye is something which is not visible but you can look into a matter and you can realize what is happening. So, in any closed control volume if I want to see what is happening inside without opening up the system to the atmosphere I would like to see what is happening inside the material, what is cooking up inside. We are using these concepts for even detection of the hydrates that get formed in the sediments which Vinny is working on and in fact Ganraj who is trying to work on the neutralization of heavily polluted soils by different techniques even Jasmine is working this area by air purging by acid purging or by different types of reactive gases when they are purged into the system. So, impedance spectroscopy as I said is becoming a non-destructive technique to establish the mechanisms which occur in the porous media alright and I will give you some exposure of how this is being used. Incidentally material scientists have used impedance spectroscopy to define the phase change in the material particularly for the alloys and this concept can be extended in environmental geomechanics if I want to see what is the state of the material like soils when they are exposed to super critical temperatures particularly in the frozen zones and at very elevated temperatures there is a wide range of activities which you can do. The second one is the electrical resistivity method where you can find out the electrical resistivity of the of the geomaterials to relate to the porosity of the medium and I am sure you will realize that porosity is the term which is very very important to geotechnical engineers because all the mechanical properties and engineering properties of the geomaterial would depend upon the porosity be it shear strength, be it compressibility, be it consolidation, be it you know volumetric deformation, swelling, shrinking whatever. So, everything can be related as a function of the porosity and electrical resistivity gives you a good methodology to measure the porosity and the alterations in the porosities which are happening inside the system because of physical, chemical, electrical, mechanical, biological mechanisms. There are some electromagnetic methods which are being used in the contemporary society of the world. These are known as TDR and FDR probes, very state of the art things which we have used for finding out the in situ moisture content in the soils and the MSW in the landfills. These type of studies have been done by my ex-students Agnes Anto and Dr. Partel and now we are extending these studies through RF and others. So, as the name reflects, TDR and FDR are time and frequency domain refractometry and these are the techniques which are used for determining the in situ density and the in situ moisture content volumetric, not the gravimetric. So, gone are the days when people used to bring the samples to the laboratory to determine their moisture content. As simple as you know, you can understand that why this has been written off this technique because chances are that you are disturbing the sample. Number 2, it is very difficult to preserve the moisture in the sample for a pretty long time, potassium is another problem everybody wants to measure in situ. Then the application of dilute the constant is being done for finding out the fundamental behavior of the geomaterial and level of contamination also and this is where ground penetrating radars have been used by people. So, this is the state of the art on the subject. What I suggest is to follow this discussion, you should go through the papers which are written by my students and most of these metrics has already been covered in our laboratory. So, there is nothing new, it has become a routine exercise alright. So, this is just to tell you that already these techniques have been mastered and they have been shown to be working alright in the field as well as in the laboratory. However, there is a caution that both these techniques or the methodologies have their limitations. First of all these are the expensive instrumentation and very cumbersome methodologies though they appear to be very simple. Even in the direct methods the preparation of the sample is quite cumbersome, very expensive and indirect methods the gadgets which are used themselves are very expensive. So, intensive and rigorous sample preparation has to be done which is time consuming and there is a complicated process which is involved related to the calibration and analysis of the results and for both the techniques you require skilled and trained manpower or the personnel. So, these are the limitations but this is the future of the subject because most of the consulting houses and the business houses they are looking for experts who can give them quick answers or who can give them the solutions as far as the monitoring of a process is concerned. Can we use all these methods for any kind of soil or any particular division is there for? I knew somebody is going to ask this question and that turned out to be you. So, very difficult question to answer and particularly if you read the papers which are written by Social Achmi these techniques are not universal. So, now you are going into the intricacies of these techniques and I think these techniques have to be evolved in such a manner that people should know their limitations and you know their shortcomings but there is no harm in trying all the techniques together and then putting on a scale and seeing them how do they compare with each other. So, a quick answer to your question is if you have organic soils, chances are that your indirect methods will not work. Why? Because impedance measurement is mostly dielectric based and dielectric constant of organic matter is difficult to define. Another issue is that the organic matter will keep decaying. So, all these parameters will depend upon the exposure conditions and the time when you are measuring these properties which itself is a question mark. We will come to this but you have to read a lot. There is a journal known as Sensors and if you follow the IEEE journals on sensors this is where the modern day geotechnical engineers are eyeing their publication because of a simple reason that electronics and geotechnical engineering you know they are quite hand in gloves and unless we work together we cannot solve these issues. Remember the soils which are contaminated are not the right place for humans to access. Are you getting this point? So, suppose if I tell you an example where the pH of the soil is 12 or 13. The first question is how would you access the site? How would you take out the samples? There could be a situation where the soils are emitting fumes. So, you have to take a lot of precautions. I hope you can imagine when you are accessing this type of sites a lot of precautions have to be taken so that you face less health hazards and the sampling becomes another issue. Are you getting a point? So, it is a very big theme of discussion. Anything else? But I am sure you will realize that this is where the challenge is and this is what people like you should be taking up.