When you abandon the narcissist Usually when we think of a narcissistic relationship It is the narcissist who is pulling the strings. It is the narcissist who is in control of everything They are doing the love bombing the devaluing They set the mood They decide if there's going to be a temporary cheerful mood or a gloomy atmosphere When they know they've got you They lose interest in you They start devaluing you and then when they no longer have any use for you. They discard you But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? What happens when you are the one who abandons them? What happens when you walk out the door? When you leave the narcissist They don't like it They see it as though you're abandoning them They see it as though you have seized the support or look after them when all the narcissists wants to support That's why they targeted you they were looking for a caretaker They were looking for someone to look after them and make their lives easier And when you decide to leave the narcissist They feel like they have lost their control over you They start to feel invalidated as though their version of events no longer holds any weight They fear that they are going to lose all of the conveniences that you brought to their lives They fear that now they will be unable to proceed without difficulty Because life was so much easier when you were around You were the cause of their easy and effortless way of life They had nothing to worry about when they were with you Maybe they didn't have to worry about cleaning the house or paying the bills Everything was taken care of but when you leave You are transferring those responsibilities on to them When all the narcissist ever tries to do is avoid the responsibilities They want you to take care of the grown-up stuff While they just focus on playing and enjoying themselves But when you leave You pull the rug out from under them You remove all of your support and assistance Which would normally force a person to take responsibility for their own lives But that is not going to happen with the narcissist They're not suddenly going to become independent They're not going to become self-sufficient, self-supporting or self-sustaining They might have been that way before But now they've gotten used to the high life They're used to enjoying the extravagant life That you were providing to them And narcissists are like big babies They will do anything to avoid taking care of themselves If you leave a narcissist to their own devices They will go insane It will trigger a narcissistic injury And provoke narcissistic rage They will mock you And act as though you're the one who needs them As though you would struggle to survive without them Or they will act as though they have a lack of interest, concern or sympathy for you When you leave the narcissist They feel like you're abandoning them Narcissists are very fragile, vulnerable people Even if you just leave the house for an hour Or go to work They will feel like you're abandoning them They will feel like you have ceased to support or look after them They cannot deal with separation The thought of you going away anywhere drags them insane There may be a time where you need to go away For a few days or weeks Maybe it's something to do with work or family issue And as that day gets closer and closer When you are about to leave The narcissist will be unable to relax They will experience nervousness and anxiety They will get very upset They will argue with you over petty things They will turn more hills into mountains Everything will seem more difficult And the more you try to make things right The worse they will become Until the day you are about to leave When they will fly into a rage Which is also what you might experience When you come back Instead of expressing how much they have missed you They will seem hesitant and uncertain They will seem detached from you They will be very angry that you left Even if it was the narcissist who had to leave They would still be angry Because they cannot deal with being apart from you It drives them insane The narcissist You will find that you never spend any time apart They will see you as a bad person for even desiring to have any time to yourself You will find that you spend every second of the day around the narcissist Catering to their demands The sound of their voice dominates your every waking moment Because they cannot deal with being away from you They are like big babies They are emotionally underdeveloped They depend on you for comfort, convenience and efficiency They struggle to function without you They cannot say goodbye like an adult Because they haven't developed properly emotionally They don't understand that their caretaker is separate from them They don't understand what happens when you leave It's like they've lost a part of themselves People who have a grandiose self-interest Are very sensitive to rejection Anyone who dismisses or refuses the narcissist's proposal or idea Will receive an exaggerated response The narcissist cannot deal with rejection They cannot deal with non-acceptance But they're not going to display this to you Narcissists do not want to look fragile or weak They will act like they don't care And rather than trying to understand their feelings of abandonment They're going to rage at you Up until this point You may have seen someone who is so controlling Someone who is so dominant Someone who always had to have power and influence over you But when you decide to leave That is when you will see how fragile and weak they really are Because they cannot deal with separation And the more you try to comfort them The worse they're going to get Because by trying to comfort them You're just revealing and disclosing that they are weak The narcissist is so terrified of abandonment That they will often abandon you first They see it as though that's the only way for them to avoid abandonment It allows them to control the narrative It allows them to control their fear of being abandoned They're afraid of losing their supply They're afraid of losing validation They're afraid of losing their control over you They also cannot deal with the painful feelings of humiliation and distress That they will experience from being rejected When you leave the narcissist They feel like you're abandoning them Narcissists always feel unsafe They always feel like they're at risk of danger or harm They feel like people are always out to get them Like people are always trying to do them wrong or get went over on them So in their minds they have to protect themselves They have to look after their own interests Even when no one is trying to fool or deceive them It could be something they're just experiencing in their minds Something that isn't actually happening And one of the greatest fears and threats for a narcissist Is abandonment Which is why they will often transfer their fears onto you By threatening to leave you They will tell you that they are going to leave Even though they have no intention of doing it And this is actually a form of gaslighting It's designed to keep you on your toes Forcing you to stay active, alert and focused on them So that you will then conform to their rules Or predetermined courses of action And behave according to their expected standards of behavior It's just designed to get you to do what they want By making you fear that they're going to leave you They will make threats Saying that they're going to file for a divorce Or call an attorney To put you in a state of fear And make you comply with whatever they want you to do But if one day you've finally had enough And you say okay, let's get a divorce The narcissist will fall back And tell you they didn't really mean it They will say that you should try to work things out This happens Because it triggered their feelings of abandonment As long as the narcissist is in control of the narrative And they are the ones making the threats They can avoid those feelings of abandonment Especially if they know that you don't want that to happen But when you give in And you let go of your resistance To lose their propositions The narcissist will fall back From the idea that they were initially representing Because they just can't deal with rejection They can't deal with losing control over the narrative And losing the conveniences that you bring to their lives Thank you for watching I hope this video resonates with you Please like, comment, share and subscribe Click the bell icon to receive notifications For my future videos Check out the new Narc Survival website At www.narcsurviver.co.uk We can read my blog posts, book coaching sessions And join our support forum If you would like to donate My PayPal link is in the video description Coaching inquiries You can email me at coaching.narcsurviver.co.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon


The governor of a foreign state, David Umahi, has urged the president-elect, Bola Tinobu, to integrate some highly-placed opposition members into his administration, including river state governor Yesung Wike. Umahi spoke at the commissioning of the remodeled community secondary school, O'Koronodu, in Obya, Obya, poor local government area of river state. The governor highlighted the role Wike played in the election of Tinobu. That is joke taken too far, and I'm very bold to say that, just like what he has done here, what the modest achievement we did in Eboni, and you say that you can win me in Eboni. It's a joke taken so far. People want performance. If you are performed as a governor, they will stand with you. But I also thank God Almighty, who had marked that Asiwaju and Shetima would win, and look at the process of God. Asiwaju was very courageous and Shetima and made themselves available. God directly and indirectly made Governor Wike very much available. And so there is no way PCC can conclude about the success of the election without mentioning Governor Wike. And they will be asking Asiwaju Shetima to please bring Governor Wike to the core administration of the federal government. He has a lot to offer. He has a lot to offer for the unity of the country. And it's not all about party now. It's about the unity of the country. It's about how to move this country forward. It's about how to reunite our people. And I'm very happy that Asiwaju is taking in this direction. I also thank the Northern Governors who insisted that power should move to the South in accordance with the agreement all the Southern Governors reached in the Delta States. That power should shift from North to South. And that, I think, that is what is fair. And I think that God is God of fairness, equity and justice.


Tonight, the DuPont Company brings you that power girl starring Peggy Ann Garner on the Cablecade of America. Probably the only parents who do not regard their little children as blessings are the parents of geniuses. A genius in the household is always a great responsibility and often a great nuisance. That has been said before and it's true but after you hear tonight's play we think you'll agree that a child genius is a blessing too, like all other children. First here is Gane Whitman. Broken bones, injuries even more severe, are often caused in the home by rugs that slip and slide out from under you. Do you have a small rug at the head of a dangerous staircase? Do you have a bath mat beside the tub in the bathroom? For safety's sake, make rugs stay where they belong with DuPont rug anchor. A sponge rubber underlay designed to make rugs stay put. No matter how slippery the floor, rug anchor clings. Dust proof, waterproof, vermin proof, rug anchor is one of the DuPont Company's better things for better living through chemistry. Tonight we present Peggy Ann Garner as Morgue Powell on the DuPont Cablecade of America. To American children, summer means vacation, play, no school. It means that today and it met the same in 1876, which is when our story opens. It's a warm July afternoon. All the children in Aurora, Illinois are at play. All that is except one little girl. My darling, haven't you practiced enough? You've been in there all afternoon. Oh, mother, my hands just won't do what I tell them. Well, let it go for now, dear, and don't worry about it. Mother, my hands aren't made for the piano. My darling, when I was your age I didn't play a note. But I want to, mother. Oh, it'll come. Don't try to rush it. Why, you already play better than any other little girl in town. And I'd play better than any other boy, too. Yes, dear. Now, how about a glass of milk? Mother, what, dear? The concert last night. Yeah? I never heard a violin play alone like that. It was very nice, wasn't it? I've been thinking about it. My hands are too little for the piano, but they wouldn't be for a violin. Oh, I know I could play one. Now, Maude, one thing at a time. The piano first. Mother, please, please get me a violin. Maude, when I was your age I had dreams of becoming all sorts of things. An actress. And then for a while I wanted to be a lady fireman and wear red bloomers. But never a violin. Oh.   Don't you think I could learn to play one? It's a very difficult instrument. Mother, sit here, please. What for? I want to show you something. Now, you sit at the piano and I'll turn my back so I can't see the keys. Ready? I don't know what for, but I guess I'm ready. Play a note. Any old note. Just play it. E flat. Hit another. Why? That's right. Course it's right. Hit another. G sharp. And it's a little out of tune. C-A-F. Perfect pitch. You have perfect pitch, Maude Powell. Mm-hmm. Missingersole told me on Monday. She said violins have to have perfect pitch. Oh, now can I learn to play the violin? Maude, what good would it do? Where would you ever get to play a violin? Everywhere, because I'm going to be a great musician like Mr. Soray and play in concerts. Just me alone with my violin.  Girls don't become professional musicians. In Europe they do. Now that's enough, Maude. You're not in Europe.   That's what they've done.  William. Minnie, what are you doing out here on the lawn? Waiting for you. Is there something wrong? It's Maude. Minnie, she's... Oh, no, no, she's not sick. I'll come over here for a minute, Bill. You can hear it from under her window. Hear it? Hear what? What is all this? Listen. Oh, it's happening to her. Why is she making that noise? Has she got asthma? It's a violin. A toy violin. Toy? Well, why didn't you stop her? It's after midnight. Oh, you don't understand. No, but at the night. She wants to learn the violin. She probably bought that toy. She's been in her room since eight o'clock, doing that over and over and over. Well... Bill, she looks so bad and misses her meals. Well, we'll put a stop to that. Come on, Minnie. No, no, no. I could have done that. But I waited until you got home, Bill. Why? It's past her bedtime. Bill, taking that violin away from her won't help. We've got to let her take violin lessons on a good instrument. If we don't, well, well, this will go on and on. I guess you're right, my dear. Well, what do we do about it? I'm going to Chicago tomorrow, Bill, and find some violin teacher who will take Maude as a student. Oh. Who's down there? It's us, Maude, mother and dad. Oh. You've been listening? Yes. We've been listening, Maude. I guess I'm not very good yet, am I? I've heard better, but I'd tell them, Minnie, maybe she'll go to bed and get some sleep. All right. Maude, dear, we're going to find a violin teacher in Chicago for you. Here, here, here.  Oh, do you really mean it? Yes, darling. Then I can show everyone. I'll show them how I can play. And daddy, daddy, if I get real good, would you let me change my name to Paleski? Fine. Fine. Little fry line. Fine. Thank you, Mr. Heinemann. Mrs. Power. Mr. Lewis called me here today. I expected real, uh, so-so, something or other, but this little girl, you like to them. I mean, Heinemann, the critic says yes. He likes it. I knew it. Her technique is nearly perfect. And I have perfect pitch, Mr. Heinemann. Perfect pitch, huh? That is naughty. Nothing. Many people have it. But many people do not have what you. Mr. Lewis. Yes? How long did she work on this Bach preludio? About a month. It's a graduation exercise. And next week, she's to play the Mendelssohn concerto at a concert with the orchestra society in a hometown. Her first public performance.  I wish I deserved the compliment, Mr. Heinemann, but, well, she's a natural musician. Yeah. Yes, I've seen it. After only one year, there's nothing more she can learn from me. I see. Freiline Powell. Yes, sir? Give me your hand. Also, little Freiline, I am going to say something to you that I would hesitate to say to almost anyone, but you are a genius. Oh, Lord. I'd hoped you'd say that, Mr. Heinemann. No. She will go on with her studies, yes. Oh, yes. Mr. Lewis, we can go on, can't we? Maude, not with me. I can't teach you any more. Mrs. Powell, I couldn't take your money. In the years she's been with me, she's, well, she's outstripped the teacher. Hmm. Very honest man. Well, it's true. I am a teacher of polite music to schoolgirls, not a master of young geniuses. Well, she feels more music than I could ever learn. Mr. Lewis, is it, well, is it because I'm a girl? Oh, no, dear, it certainly isn't, it's because I don't know enough. I don't think there's anyone in America equipped to teach you. Well, Mr. Lewis won't teach me any longer, and, well, he's the best in Chicago. Oh, yes, you are.  And the boy. You could be sent to the Hochschule Leipzig Trimbley. But, if I were a boy? Can't she go anywhere? I mean... They take only boys. Maude, baby, I'm so sorry. You mean I can't go on with my lessons? Oh, Lord, you can go on playing for yourself, for your mother and father. What isn't as though you have to put the violin aside forever? Ah, it is criminal to raise the talent like this once in a million lifetimes it comes. And then it has to come to me, a girl, a girl in a royal annoy, instead of some boy in Berlin or Paris or Rome. Well, I wish it had, that's what I wish. I wish it had gone to some old boy. Maude, baby. It's all right, mother. It's not your fault. Mr. Heinemann, I'd like to thank you for coming up here and for listening to us. Us? Who is us? Patsy. That's my violin and me. She's a girl, too. You'll be able to keep Patsy, dear. She's yours. No, I want Mr. Lewis to have her after my concert next week. At least she should be able to go on playing. And I'll be a good girl, mother. I'll learn my singing and my sewing, and after a while I'll get myself a husband. But I won't like him. Whatever he is, I won't like him at all. Old things. What things? Is this you don't like? Men. Old things. Yes. We are old things. It's a man's world, all right. Maude, as your teacher believed me, would any of us give our right arms if things could be different? Mr. Lewis? Yes, Maude. When I said that about men, I didn't mean you or Mr. Heinemann or daddy. You know that. Yes, Maude. I understand. Well, then, can I... is it all right for me to kiss you goodbye? You'd better. Even if I am a genius?  Goodbye, Maude. Pleasure. Are you ready, mommy? Yes, dear. I'll send Patsy up to Mr. Lewis after she and I have made our first public appearance together. Our first and our last. And so Maude Powell met her first setback when she realized that further study in America was impossible for her and that being a girl had limited her possibilities of studying in Europe. But she gave her first public performance in her hometown of Aurora, Illinois to an audience that overflowed the seating capacity and one that sat enthralled while she played. I went in the orchestra for accompanying me. I hope they didn't feel silly accompanying a girl. It was nice of you to listen to me because, well, as you might have heard, the last time I'll get to play, the last time I'll get to really play the violin. Thank you. Goodbye. Good night, Maude Powell. Thank you. Well, let's go home. All right, dear. Let's give the Powell family a big hand as they go out. Before we break up, I've got a couple of words to say. As mayor of this town, I'm awful proud of that little girl. And I guess you are, too. It seems to me it's a cry and shame. She can't go on with her study. Now I sat down yesterday and wrote a letter. Maybe it'll do no good at all, but at least it's a try. It's a letter from the mayor and people of Aurora, Illinois to His Excellency, the mayor of Leipzig, Germany. And it asks if they maybe couldn't just this once make an exception and take a female student in their hope school or whatever they call it, kind of as a bit of international goodwill. Now, what do you think of that idea? All right, all right, I'll send the letter. But don't anyone tell the Powell family. Don't want to get their hopes up, because, well, because the reply may be bad. But it's a chance. It's a fighting chance and worth trying by glory. You're listening to Peggy Ann Garner as Maude Powell in That Powell Girl on the Cavalcade of America sponsored by the DuPont Company, maker of better things for better living through chemistry. Today, when you pick up a concert program and see a woman as soloist, you take it pretty much for granted. But it took a spunky little girl named Maude Powell, a girl with the same courageous spirit American women have always displayed, to really convince the world that women should be accepted as equals in the concert and music world. Maude made her first and she thought her last public appearance as a concert violinist in Aurora, Illinois. But the people of the town determined that Maude should play for the world. A collection realized enough money to send her to the Hock Shuler in Leipzig. But there she faced competition where a girl had never before stood. It's not lost. Also, that is the last contestant, but didn't they tell me there was to be an Americanist girl? Yes, there is. But she must have dressed as a boy. One of those young boys is a girl. It might be number three. Not at all number four. If we know their names, we could tell. That is precisely why we give them numbers. Now, gentlemen, let us vote for the best of the lot, for the top winner. Number six, naturally. Yes, yes, yes, by all means. Also, will contestant number six step forward, please? So you are contestant number six. And it gives me great pleasure, young man, to inform you that you are the winner. What is your name, sir? M. Powell, sir. M. Powell. She is the girl one. Well, what shall we do now? We have never had a girl before. Think about it, sir. We can take her. Yes, of course. She has the greatest talent. Yes, that's right. Troi Line M. Powell, you have broken a tradition of the Leipzig Hock Shuler that is almost 300 years old. We now have a girl student. Thank you, sir. I hope you... Yeah? What are you going to say? I was going to say I hope you won't regret taking me in. But you won't. I swear you won't. Wait till you see how hard I'll work. Yes, little girl, you will work very hard. This is not a tea party here. It taxes the strength of boys. As for girls, perhaps you won't be able to stand it. Now then, Fred and Powell, if you can stay awake long enough, you will please define a concerto. Concerto is a musical competition. Maude, darling, I don't think you weigh 70 pounds these days. You can't keep it up, Maude. You'll get sick. Oh, no, I won't, mother. That's what some of them want. I won't get sick. And I'll play at the concert in Berlin next week. You wait and see. Dr. Lina Empai Teare Stolz. He is the star student in the Leipzig Hock Shuler Hock Shuler, Pauline M. Powell. Coffee smells good. Couldn't I have some Cambridge coffee, please? Eat your breakfast, dear. You may be the toast of Berlin, but you're still not old enough for coffee. All right. Any mail that's interesting? I'm just looking. There's nothing from home. Do as your papa would write more often. What is it, mother? What's the matter? Here's one that says from Buckingham Palace in England. Have you any friends at Court, dear? What is it? Her Majesty the Queen requests the honor. Maude, a command performance. You're to play before Queen Victoria in Buckingham Palace. Please present the little girl. Yes, Your Majesty. You create very nicely, Miss Powell. Thank you, Your Majesty. Come up here, child. Yes, Your Majesty. Miss Powell, the reports we had of you did not do you justice. You are even more brilliant, a musician than we had heard. Thank you, Your Majesty. Miss Powell, a moment ago I whispered something to your American ambassador. I told him that you, Miss Powell, are like him, an ambassador too. You serve notice on the world that America is growing up. Now she sends us not just red Indians at Wild West shows, but a beautiful, civilized talent. You're very kind, Your Majesty, and on behalf of... Yes? What are you going to say? I forgot. I guess I said it. Thank you. Now, child, the orchestra is going to play our national anthem. Do you know it? Yes, Your Majesty. I believe you have different words in your country. Isn't that true? Yes, Your Majesty. We call it America. Come, stand beside me, my dear. I want you to sing it for us with your words. I couldn't sing it, Your Majesty. Oh, why not? Excuse me, Your Majesty, but, well, I don't like to sing. No. All well-bought-up girls should know how to sing. Yes, sing a little and sew a little.  Well, no, Your Majesty. I just wish I... I weren't a girl. What's the matter with the girls? Do you think a king could rule England better than I do? Oh, no, Your Majesty, I didn't mean that. Miss Powell, I'm a woman, and I rule an empire. You said yourself no man could do it better. Yes, Your Majesty, but, well, you were born to be a queen. And you were born to be an American. They've told me that all women are queens in America.  I... I've never thought about it that way. Then do, my child. Music, please. My country too... Sing out, my girl. Sing for your country which has taught and will teach the world so much. Sing for all of us who will set the world free. From then on, Maude Powell was known as one of the greatest concert violinists in the world. This great American genius might have been just a village music teacher had it not been for the community spirit of her fellow townsman who financed her studies. That spirit is typical of America, and a peculiar thing it is that a nation so vast can seem so comfortingly small when you need a good neighbor. That is America, though, a community where we guard the precious welfare of all our citizens. Here is Gain Whitman speaking for DuPont. During the holiday season every year, you are asked in one way or another by a friend, by a male, or perhaps over the radio to buy colorful Christmas seals of the National Tuberculosis Association. What a fine tribute it is to American generosity that all of us have been glad to buy these seals for 40 years. And what splendid results our generosity has brought. The money from Christmas seals has helped to support the men and women of science who are now carrying the long fight against tuberculosis successfully into the last round. In the grim battle against disease, which has rescued us from one dread killer after another, science never rests. Tuberculosis is no longer the great white plague, as it was once called because men and women of the medical profession and their allies in science have attacked the dread TB on half a dozen battle fronts. One weapon they use is the fluorescent screen, which glows under the action of X-rays, enabling doctors to see a shadow image of the interior of the human body and photograph what they see. The roll call of scientists who have worked to perfect fluorescent screens is a lengthy one. William Rentgen made the first one half a century ago. Thomas Edison worked long hours in his laboratory to find a better material with which to coat them. Carl Patterson, a young chemist experimenting in a home laboratory, developed a new and brighter fluorescent material containing cadmium tongue state. Slowly through the years, fluorescent X-ray screens have been developed to a point where by their aid, radiographs or X-ray pictures may be made of the chest in a fraction of a second. Or the Rentgenologist may visually study, without the slightest distress to the patient, the functioning of the living lung.  We of the DuPont Company are grateful that American business enterprise worked hand in hand with science to bring these screens to their present high stage of development. Those most widely accepted by the profession are made by the Patterson Screen Division of the DuPont Company as DuPont, better things for better living through chemistry. Next week in Commemoration of Christmas, the DuPont Cavalcade brings you a specially prepared Christmas program. Instead of a Christmas story, you will hear an entire program of some of the best-loved Christmas carols of all times sung by the DuPont Company chorus. The DuPont chorus is composed of 177 employees of the DuPont Company and is under the direction of Daniel W. Boyer. Among some of the songs you will hear is The Gay Deck the Halls, which is loved and sung in the British Isles, The Warm and Tender Carol, Jason Bambino, and by popular request, the chorus concludes the program with the beloved favorite, Silent Night. Be sure and listen next Monday at the same time when the DuPont Company chorus will bring you a special program of Christmas carols on the Cavalcade of America. The music for tonight's DuPont Cavalcade was composed and conducted by Robert Armbrister. The violin solos were played by David Frasina, a concertmaster with the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra. Peggy Ann Garner may soon be seen in the 20th Century Fox Technicolor Picture, Bob's Son of Battle. Our Cavalcade play was written by Luther Davis. In the cast with Peggy Ann Garner tonight were Helen Bennett as the mother, William John Stone as the father, Herb Butterfield as Heinemann, Tom Collins as Lewis, and Gloria Gordon as Queen Victoria. This is John Easton inviting you to listen next week to a program of Christmas carols sung by the DuPont Company chorus on the Cavalcade of America brought to you by the DuPont Company of Wilmington, Delaware. The Cavalcade of America came to you from Hollywood. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.


Hey, good afternoon everybody time steward here. I'm with Liz Trotter and our guest today is Melody Edwards and this is smart business moves Hey, y'all. Hi. Thanks for having me today Hey, thanks for coming Melody. Yeah, I'm excited I think this is a first cuz Melody and I first met like five minutes ago Mm-hmm. Neither one of us know anything about the other Yeah, I think you're right I don't remember us ever being in a situation where you didn't know the the guest at all. I love this Yeah, I know I'm gonna be taking notes cuz I'm I'm a member of the audience today I'm gonna make some popcorn Too late Tom too late Huh, so um, I guess I'll kind of lead us a little bit since Tom doesn't know anything about anything I just don't know anything Well, just about Melody which wins time. It's okay. Yeah, she doesn't know so that's another thing Right. I don't think we've ever had a guest on that didn't know who Tom was I love this because Cuz I was the first guest that you didn't know anything about and I didn't know anything about you So there's that and you live in Massachusetts. Liz will tell you I will never forget that. We'll have a discussion Yes, remember the guests that we had that we didn't know each other and she's from Massachusetts. What's her name? I have no idea. It's okay I'm giving you permission to not remember my name even though it's Melody like music Okay, that'll help that will that actually I can see remembering that Tom Melody the music from Massachusetts Alliteration in there. Yeah.  I've been in the house cleaning business for a few years and know a few people and Liz and I do this thing called smart business You may have heard of a couple of things that he's connected to Have you ever heard of castle keepers cleaning? Yes, I think I have so that's that's his company He owns first and he has a partner and I think at least one of the branches and then he has He's run castle keepers for how many years now Tom few decades 30th. This is our 30th year anniversary so been around for a while And then I think what he does now that is much bigger most people know him for this is Software program called made central. Of course. I've literally today was training one of my VA's To help her on board with made central. So If you have any questions just hit me up I can help you This is great. So now I you don't need to I don't need to know you Tom. I know who you are now You know him, right? Everything about you just from that one thing. Yeah, I know it's like oh You're That's why I mentioned the castle keepers thing first because I lost in the fray there All right. So now that you know, hey, Denet good to see you And I know Denet knows you melody. Yes.  Okay? I'd love to so I started in a very weird way I was I've always been in home service Which is like window cleaning house washing all the things about exterior cleaning and all the weird stuff and I started accidentally when I was 17 And I was saving money for a trip to Europe and I hated it thought it was not what I wanted to do I wanted to work in an office and wear nice clothes and be on a computer like professional people do and Then I kept going back to window cleaning. So I went to Europe on my trip. I came back I went back to window cleaning. I learned that I really like working with my hands Eventually I bought that company And I sold it started another one. I've had a coffee shop And I'll just say this I'm a business starter. I love starting businesses I love the hardest part Which is the starting and getting things off the ground and then I get bored with the scaling part of it And so I have this habit of selling my businesses to oftentimes employees but I I also had a holiday lights company a commercial holiday lights company that I just sold and I have home service VA which I started with my first virtual assistant dean who is now my business partner And we help people in home service and cleaning in all industries plumbing electric and Other like any business basically or coach or professional Find and match people with great virtual assistance from the Philippines Which is who I where I work from because that's where Dean lives And we train the VA's and the clients how to work together I'm very much about communication and I think it's so important that We compress the amount of time it takes to develop a trusting relationship with with You know the VA and the client because that's going to get you moving forward really fast And one more thing I want to say one of my first businesses I ever started actually was a an errand service But what it turned into very quickly was a house cleaning business because it was like It was called the run-around errand service and literally I do anything. This was like 25 years ago maybe and Everybody wanted their house cleaned So I do have a background in house cleaning my parents owned an inn and they were very OCD about cleaning so I grew up like that and I rebel against it to this day But I like clean house I just don't like to do that part of it So so that's kind of like everything there's so many things But my area that I really focus on and love because I'm very purpose driven as I was just talking about I Love helping people. I love helping people find better ways to get great employees. I'm very good at that And I love helping people with communication Understanding, you know, there's different learning styles. There's different ways that we even advertise to find the right people You can do you know, and I love helping people build culture So a lot around employees and building relationships with people and I love system building I do not follow systems though that I built. I built them for other people Okay, so that's interesting you build systems for other people to use and then you don't follow them No, that's your whole building thing. You like to build and then sell.  I think what I've realized is I'm very much I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 30 as an adult and the reason that I even bothered to do that Was because I was in college trying to finish it up for the 50th time And I went my doctor finally said I think that if you were anybody else I wouldn't say to do this as an adult, but you want to get stuff done You need to get to go to this Psychologist who diagnoses people and I knew I had a learning disability Well, I found out this and it completely changed my life Because everything I had thought about myself up to that point was based on failure like I'm trying so hard but I keep failing I'm doing all the right things, but I keep failing and What I realized at that point is I needed if I wanted to be successful I couldn't play the game the way everybody else was playing it I needed to do it the way that my brain worked and I knew and that's kind of how I came to the VA business is really I learned that I need an executive assistant somebody who is going to be my executive functioning skills The things that I lack. I'm very good at detail. I can hyper focus. I can build things But the day-to-day stuff is really really hard for me And I train people how to work with people like me, which is a lot of business owners and entrepreneurs. Yes Yeah, a lot of business owners So so one of the things you said when you first came on was that you're training somebody today to how to how to do Say made central so I'm guessing you have Yes, a business owner that uses made central and yes Amy and Rose have been patiently waiting. Oh my gosh, I haven't heard about Amy and Rose in so long Really? Yes, they are fantastic. So we just started we were only a recruiting company up until recently and we just transitioned to an agency My theory was when we started three years ago plus was that I wanted to get the systems as good as we could I didn't want to fail anybody. That's like my greatest fear, right? We fear failure and letting people down and over the past three years. We have continuously Recreated the system made it better and finally I realized we just have to do the switch There were some things that was just time and so they became our very first agency clients And the great thing about them is they are the exact person the exact kind of company I want to work with they they care about living wages for their people They care about what their VA is going to get they care about the things that we care about in our company They also care about and they have been extremely patient as we've been figuring it out And I've been training their VA this week with four other VAs and she's fantastic. I'm so excited for them. She's gonna go into there and just kind of Takeover essentially like I see it in her. It's amazing. So I'm excited for them all right, so I liked what you said that they are exactly the kind of people that you want to work with I Tell us a little bit more about that. Who who do you know? Yeah, yeah, we're all sitting here wondering if we're qualified Well, so the very first thing that I keep to is we have a no jerk policy We don't want to work with jerks for clients. I know that some people love it No, but that that's really something I want to actually put on my website Because I think it's important that people understand like the standard of what we're willing to deal with now We've never really had a jerk that we've worked with maybe one time in all of the hundreds of people We've worked with and it wasn't that they were It's just about treating people with respect and understanding that you're hiring a human being you're not hiring a robot You're hiring somebody who needs to be a part of your team.  It's all been word of mouth as much as we can. I'm really good at connecting and being a community community builder like I said and so And helping people and so when you do a good job for people They tell other people and that's how the business has been built We didn't start digitally marketing until like a month ago. Well, you know, you're gonna be overwhelmed with new business I'm not ready, but I hope so because here's the thing that I understand is I wish that I had been had grown up in the maid Service industry when I talked to or the cleaning industry as when I talked to my friends in the cleaning business like Robin Murphy is another friend who is just fan so brilliant and just kind of like me and like just a lot going on in her Yeah, and She doesn't believe me when I say how hard my journey has been because it's so male dominated I'm a unicorn in home service.  I'm boom lift certified Like I'm doing all the things but to get credibility in that industry has been Extremely hard. Whereas the women that I meet and the men that I meet in cleaning. It's like a different It's a different space. It's it's so clean cleaning companies are like my favorite people because There's not that barrier to entry for me because when I talk to them they hear me and they We're usually we're there's an understanding and it's it's been a much harder journey in home service Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we definitely have a lot of women in this industry. We have a lot of men too. Yeah I do think that for the longest time People associated the most successful house cleaning companies with men And that was that was very common for a long time I'm not sure that that's the truth anymore that there are a lot more successful I don't know if that was ever the truth in reality. Yeah, it was just uh, it was the yes Yeah, it was just a a thought right it was just the way It can become true for people. Yeah, they tend to be more confident in the way they deliver information Um, for sure, there's a lot of people who speak very confidently Even when they don't know they're like we're gonna figure it out, but we're gonna talk I mean all my guy friends. That's how they talk Women we have been raised to be modest and humble many of us and that anything that's not that so this is true I have waited for years unconsciously for somebody to tell me I'm finally like somebody's gonna hand me a certificate that says you're ready now. You're an expert you can talk like one and That I just found out that's never gonna happen. There's not like I don't know you just mentioned it melody I have a feeling some certificates are Your mailbox I need it because then I'll know that I'm ready to be um, yeah, now you can do it Well, I I think that a lot of um people do struggle with that sort of well We think of it a lot as um imposter syndrome and not not necessarily just from being a woman, but you know being Human too on this planet.  I'm not sure But did you have something Tom?  So I'm 40 minutes from every state around me vermont New Hampshire, Connecticut, New York And Rhode Island like an hour and something but I can get anywhere, but guess what I never go anywhere I go to the airport and go somewhere else usually But they're all beautiful states So not And I'm just it's no weird, right? Love weird. I'm weird. Yeah. I I love it. I'm gonna get along just great. Yeah And I don't know, you know, this is silly I feel like I've been in home services for forever. I guess it's semantics, you know house cleaning But there's this whole other world out there where people are like cleaning windows and power washing and getting up on lift equipment and All the Was that Did you say yard work? Yeah Yeah, and then there's the other leg of that which is the Actual trades like the electric plumbing all those worlds. So we've been very disconnected I think in terms of we kind of could all fall under the same kind of like let's take care of your home Label but the industries are so disconnected. I I don't know how house cleaning was but the the Window cleaning or the world of where I was home service was the wild west You say that you say that like all these other Verticals are over here and then you got house cleaning like house cleaning is not even part of all of these other Services He's hearing you Oh, no, no, I'm saying that they're kind of all side by side, but we don't we're so disconnected from each other's industries so Like I went to work with all those other verticals, but you're just starting to meet some people Because our industry events are not the same. That's really what it comes down to I've been going to industry events for like probably 15 years Like the electricians don't go to the same thing at the Landscapers or window washes go to do they're starting to because it's more about business events now and less about tool Like I used to care about tools I was the best window cleaner in the world And I focused very much on how good my tools were how efficient I could be All the inventions I could make I just played games to make it more interesting. Basically, I'm sure you guys do that in house Yeah, and it was like a point of pride because there's also like anybody who's ended up in home service This is how I viewed it a lot of times we didn't do very well in school not everybody But this is what I've experienced with people a lot of times we might have struggled or had a learning disability, which I did Um, I now know I have dyslexia, which I didn't understand before about myself I learned it from my son when my son was diagnosed And so we come out of school feeling like less than but also we know we're really smart But we have a chip on our shoulder and it's like also the world that i'm smart I'm gonna start a business nobody can tell me that I can't do something And we don't always fit into the main thing, right? And so does that chip go away over time? Kind of if you're really emotionally intelligent, maybe but it's always kind of there, you know, it always comes back So that's what my experience in home service has been I don't know about the cleaning industry But what I've often also thought is you know window cleaning and house washing you can get much higher rates per hour than you could in house cleaning And hopefully that'll change because there's no difference in labor or anything It's just people view it as like oh, I could clean my house even though we know that's not necessarily the truth, right? but like the A lot of women don't go into places like house House washing or window cleaning there's no way to enter those industries So, okay, so let me let me see if i'm getting some clarity here I think I was stuck a little bit where tom was stuck and I think I might be getting it now You were so when you are separating home services from house cleaning the thing that is separating them is that there are more men that are like a much wider amount or a much larger amount of men To a percentage of men to women and home 99 percent point 99.5 percent men And and everything that is not house cleaning. So like window cleaning and house washing and all of that So all of those things that are mostly men you're calling house Home services. I'm and I'm doing that because I don't think of house cleaning even though it is home service I'm thinking more in terms of you guys have like the issa for instance, right? And so I actually I am a united states trade delegate. I don't know if you knew this sponsored by the italian government because in 2019 um, I went to the issa Um trade show in in italy and the government paid for it the italian government did and it was fantastic Um, and there was so much about cleaning there and not just and there was like some window cleaning But really it was like all the industries here in america. I feel like our trades their shows are very disconnected It's not like the way that it is in europe or other countries. So like The I don't do you have window cleaners go to like the issa really or like You know, there's a lot of disconnection for The places that people are not as much in the last five years. I think people start to recognize There's more opportunities when you learn outside of your own Area. Yeah, does that make more sense? Issa is a really large relatively large organization and It started out as the international sanitary supply association and It was like chemical manufacturers and their distributors and then they kind of grew and they brought in building service contractors 20-some odd years ago a Brunch of house cleaning businesses got together and started this thing called arcsy association residential cleaning services international arcsy merged with issa I don't know. What was it half dozen years ago? Maybe um Yeah, and there's a handful of other associations that have merged in with issa over over time as well Yeah, so this is all news like i'm very deep into the I just call it home services because that's my background of how the industry that i'm in refers to it They don't really refer to the cleaning industry. So that's something right there That doesn't it's interesting to think about and it doesn't make sense, right? so The way that i've met people like martha woodward or other people is through Going to a lot of events joining networking groups where we go, you know and meet each other So that's how i've become more immersed in your world And it's been like almost like something. I didn't even know existed before maybe 2019 when I became an Trade delegate.  Um, but yeah I didn't know that extent. It was interesting. It was pretty fun. I did not belong there you guys like Do you know why? Yeah, do you know how I got into that trip? This is just it's very interesting They they sent out an email to a lot of people and it said, um Free trip to italy and does that sound like spam? Yes Yes, my friend allison hester is a um writer And so she had gone before as a writer for that and she told me that's not you have to apply for this They need people to use their funding So a lot of people didn't go and they literally took me because I Was a body who could go And so didn't you only have like a week's notice or it's like two weeks or less It was really quick and I Was my dream to go to italy. Um, it was the one place I didn't go when I was younger when I traveled through europe and I was like I have to go So that's my family for letting me do that Without all right. Well, I do love that you have this Varied background here So talk to us a little bit melody because the majority of our audience is Home services house cleaning Out of home services that house cleaning Yeah um, so like Well, what what should we know? Well, like what should our industry know about From your perspective and you have a different perspective Um about what should we know about hey denny? I'll get this in here. Oh, did he want to agree denny? Just find out. Yeah, I have it every three or four years. Just so you know Yeah, reach out and find out. Hey, do you need any more delegates? Yeah to go um But what what should we know when we're looking for so here here's some of the things that I find I I work with um Um My company is called core profit builders and it's a coaching company. I know you know a little bit about it And I work with mostly residential cleaning business owners And they Need help and they need to hire vas But many of them are afraid many of them don't know who to hire They don't want to they don't ah, it's just seems so big and overwhelming. What can you what can you give my folks over here? Okay? well Residential house cleaners are the same as hi amber Amber is a good friend the same as residential work window cleaners in that we go out We do the work And then we come home and spend all our time if we're in the field for instance I spend all our time and phone calls emails like I used to come home and I had a kid and you know And then I'd be like sorry guys have to go spend three hours on emails because that's the way it was and it was never ending And I didn't start with virtual assistants. I actually started by getting an office assistant Because when I had my office because what I recognize is I will always procrastinate on phone calls I will always procrastinate On certain things that I don't like doing because it causes me anxiety or And what I what I found is that I want somebody it's worth a part of my salary This is how I thought of it to have somebody take that over Because then I cannot feel stressed and that's worth a lot of money to me What I didn't realize is that by hiring this person I had to get a lot of things out of my head like how do we price things how to make her as efficient as possible Well, this person Her name was tia. She became she paid for herself so quickly Because the other part of me is if I meet you like tom now we're best friends, of course I meet you I go to a job site and i'm going to give you a quote and Um, I spend three minutes with you. I'm like, oh tom's so nice. He's my best friend now Like I got to give him the friend discount, you know, we give people who don't need discounts a discount Oh my gosh. Yes Emotion that when we care for people we want to give so I needed a buffer I needed a customer buffer an estimate buffer. So when I would go to houses after I would say I'm not allowed to do estimates because I'll give you the best friend discount and Then I'll be out of business. I barely know you. Yeah um and just because like people get that and then she would Stick to the pricing and she made suddenly We had so much more revenue coming in And it was amazing very quickly that one thing alone Changed it and then the second thing is that She took over all of those things. She took over the emails the phone calls And suddenly things were running much smoother But it also was really hard to train her because I didn't know how to train We're really bad at training people like we don't get taught how to train people usually And if we do if we spend invest in it, it might not be our natural way of being able to You know, um, it might not be natural for our personalities to be good trainers And it's the same for technicians versus, um office people So Yeah, we make lots of mistakes with training For instance, I used to spend a lot of time Showing somebody how to write an email by showing them how to write an email as I wrote the email What does that teach somebody it teaches them nothing So everything that I have designed into my company is based on the experience that my partner dean and I wish had existed When we first started working together because it was a lot of experimentation and I'm really good at this. We're very successful Because we teach people all of the things that they're worried about They we take care of it. We help them through it. We are always Providing a level of support taking them. I've thought of all of the things that people are going to maybe not do because they Procrastinate on things that seem like it's going to be a lot of work and I trick them into doing it Um, I say that to them like I'm going to trick you Um by giving them fake deadlines or doing things that are going to make whatever that person needs Because we can usually see what they need. We're going to figure it out And bring me back to your original question. People are scared usually of how to bring somebody on Yeah, and when and how to do it and how do they get the right choice and We do. Yeah, so There's a lot of different companies. I'm never going to sit like I'm a very much a Collaborate not compete kind of person Every company that's out there is doing something that's valuable and good like one of my friends uses Task away and she likes it a lot. And so I know that there's a lot of different companies that do different things What I'm really good at is I Help people who normally would struggle with this sort of thing or even if they they just don't want to They don't have the emotional energy to go through this process I help them go through it the fastest way possible And I would love to give you a quick example if you don't mind of how I love that Yeah My my idea is that I want to teach people how to train themselves I want to teach employees how to train themselves whenever possible So I'm going to use email as an example because it's my favorite one And it and it shows you how I think about things very quickly. How do you train somebody to take over your voice? Take over your emails Know all the things that you know in your head when you're sending out emails use your voice Well, if you're really high level you'll make some templates for them and then But what templates do is they just teach people to copy paste something They don't teach them to think or they don't teach you them how to learn More about how you would respond. There's no critical thinking involved in that So what I have people do is they go if they're going to take over for me or for any of my clients I advise that they start by deep diving into the email And if you're smart you're going to tell them the the main kinds of emails that you tend to get so they have like at least a point of They at least know what to kind of look for So let's say like a new client or a new prospect request or a client has a question or whatever it might be They're going to start to look for those common types of emails They're going to see how you respond what your tone is How you are you friendly? Are you professional? They're going to get all of that And they're going to create the templates out of those things that they find Every time they see a question that's been answered. It's going to become an FAQ template Every time they see a problem that's been solved in an email. It's going to become a troubleshooting template It's also going to get into their brain, right? It's going to they're learning actively So the next part is they're going to give you all these templates and you will not touch them Although it's really hard. I still struggle to remember that I don't have to do it And I have people I give them permission to remind me by saying mel. Let me do this Like it happened yesterday, but they'll they'll I'll look at the templates and I make a loom video very quickly and I teach everybody how to do this I say these templates look great But I'm going to go through right now and I'm going to tell you what needs to change and why it needs to change And that's what I do They take it back They make the changes and you go back and forth until you have pretty good templates And at that point aren't you going to trust them to start drafting your emails for you? Yeah Do you just let them loosen your mailbox and say here are all of my sent emails start reading? Yes, I'll go back to that after because I know that's trust and security are very Very difficult thing and I'll and I'll go to that Um the next thing, you know, they're not coming to work because they have a free trip to Italy Couldn't they do that if they were in your office though? Sure Yes So the next part of that drafting they're going to draft and you're going to do the same thing If their email is ready to go you'll just say send If it's not you're going to make a quick loom and you're going to say hey This is great, but I want you to just make a couple changes and here's why They're actively learning and it's taking you almost no time You're doing almost nothing and then Once they're about 80 to 90 good on their drafts where you're like they're really good and the rest of the time They're asking you the right questions or they're saying. Hey, I think you need to respond to this directly Or what do you want me to say? Aren't you going to trust them completely to send your emails? That's the how and it can take less than a week to have something Right. I don't know that tom would but I absolutely would I have I have had people come into us you're like I love challenges because I love people who I'm an old school person by the way 30 years in an industry. I have that old school mindset of like There's certain things that I fight against all the time. So I love it when I can find A client and they're usually high level people who I want to say names, but I won't who come in and they do the thing and then they're like It kind of changes the melody. Give us a name So, yeah That wasn't me trying to say that you're one of the people amber that was me accidentally hitting your name Amber's not one of the people Amber's my my longtime industry buddy. She knows so Um, yeah, so it's really cool because every way that I create systems is about Letting grown-up adults do the job that you hired them for What usually happens? We are micromanagers, right? We tend to as business owners think all of our hard and earned knowledge Oh, hey, Sean. I love Sean. He's the best. I love Sean. Yeah That's not to love. I ain't awesome. He and I like we're the same thing like I love people who have that same mentality And he definitely is on the same page. Yeah, he really does definitely a collaborator And so like what does it do when we bring somebody on board? And we think we we own all the information in our head, right? We had to learn this the hard way And so we automatically sometimes think everybody has to learn it the hard way So they can't possibly learn it so much quicker than we had to So even with software tom, I was just telling this to I say this to all my clients People learn made central up to the level the software can do this much They learn it up to here just enough to get them going to do the daily things, right? How often can they go back to really take the time to learn it? It's so hard.  This is what the software company does And you guys have that admin training I see Yeah, I just saw that yesterday and I was like that's super smart because a lot of companies don't have that And I my company we go and we find all the videos that we can to help train people To help train people's va's We have a whole list and every time that's what we do we take the list and we put it in a training plan And what we say is do not train your va don't make software training videos Let them learn and then when you come to them They're going to have that base level of knowledge that you can come in And you're already at a similar level of understanding instead of starting from scratch And it's going to make you trust them a lot quicker again I'm all about trust as quickly as possible And it's going to allow you to see that they're Competent they're going to get it really quickly or they're not or they're not and a lot of times it's not What's not because they're like stupid or it's because a lot of times We don't communicate the same way. So like my husband speaks English and so do I but he speaks man and I speak lady And those two seem to go like this a lot of the time and that can happen in a work relationship too You can end up working with the va that Might not communicate the same way that you do And it's frustrating because you're like a lot of people take ownership Like extreme ownership and they think oh, I have to do better. I have to train them better. It might never work That's how I view it Because it'll just be bumping up against something. I mean my husband and I have been married for 14 years It's working Um, I'm very cognizant and so is is he of those differences in how we communicate how we take Yeah, communication struggles are are huge. You have to be aware of them You have to work with them or they can derail you if you're you know, if you're not doing that So I'm sitting here wondering, you know, if I'm looking for va. How do I know if it's a good fit? How do I know if we can So or communicate If you're doing it on your own, I won't speak from the agency view, but if you're doing it on your own I would say one of the good ways that you could figure out is to have everybody do the same tasks like Maybe make a video of something and have a if you're going to interview people Have them do the same task and see how they approach it How long it takes them to get it back to you Something that's going to be a metric that you can judge and then The other thing is so what I know about myself what I've learned is that Because of my ad d sparkly brain. I can you hear I talk really fast. My brain is moving fast I have to get the stuff out or else I'll forget it because there's more stuff that needs to come in And to write I type much slower than my brain thinks and I used to try to type out instructions to people And I would be so frustrated because I couldn't get it out fast enough And I just kind of give up and hide under my blankets and I just didn't want to deal with it when I realized that Oh, if I voice memo things to people instantly My brain can do what it needs to do and the person can translate that information Into and and be able to say like this is what I heard is this accurate And what I have in slack is a is a channel called mel's brain And everything that goes into that slack channel is the things all the things that are from here And what my v my assistant does is she takes all of those things some of them are like I need to write a book on this subject But my dog also needs a hair appointment And don't forget to that I have to be on this podcast tonight And I need to make sure that I get this piece of equipment for It's like all the things are always in our entrepreneurial brains, but it goes in there. It's not urgent It's not like the things that are going to be an emergency level But it's things where she can put it on my master list or she can put it in my calendar Or she can make the appointment for me And then I know that it's gone somewhere and that something's happening with it and she reports back to me Does that make sense? Yeah, so one thing that you said that I love mel is that So I like to verbally tell people what to do, but I like them to write it Yes, I want to read the thing so I need people to work with me who like to hear it Yes want to type it out Yes, and that's me.  I can skim so with my dyslexia. I didn't realize I'm like my whole life I've been trying to read but but I've always been skimming, but it's okay because now I can get the main points very quickly So my goal is to be as The least amount of frustrated in my daily life is possible and the most In my sparkly visionary creative brain doing the deeper work that is actually really really hard to do So even when people get VA's they think they're going to get time back. That's a lie everybody.  It's just expanding your ability to do work I usually say compress time. Um, this time I said save time But yeah, that's what it is changing what you spend your time on Yes, your your ability to focus in on the things that matter So, um, I think you really like to get things in writing so you can see all the detail and you can See all of the stuff and you you can And I forget stuff too and so whatever I asked somebody to do something for me It's like send me an email with what it is that I just asked you to do And so that's very interesting. I on boarded a new executive assistant about two weeks ago um, my Former assistant is now the social media manager because her weird brain matches mine and I needed her To be weird on the internet for me so that we have that presence and she's the best But what with the new assistant being best at being weird Best at being relatable to people in a very fun weird way and you're in your way In my way I call it weird. It's just me. You know, I'm me zoe who's doing social media.  She's just her she's zoe. And so I'm like, this is this is the right role for you But with my new eva She likes to get things written. We didn't realize this in the beginning until we started doing my trainings this week And I started talking about it Oftentimes the very things I train people on we're moving so fast in my company I don't do them because again, I make systems and I don't follow them all the time So it was great. I brought her into this training and we realized she's not the right person for me We're always going to have a struggle. She's very very good But she likes things written and she likes to write it back like she likes that And so it's going to be a struggle, you know, we use energy for everything She is a great very smart person And I'm going to rematch her through our agency with the client But I need somebody who wants video who wants looms and voice memos so that they can And so I actually found somebody and the reason why I usually wouldn't switch so quickly It's because I'm having surgery and I'm going to be out of work for about a month and a half So I don't have the time I normally would to train somebody So are you are you this what I'm hearing Melanie is that The one of the first places that people should look is how do you like to communicate? Yes, so However, you like to communicate be looking for someone who Likes to receive How you like to give it and who likes to give information in the ways that you like to receive it Yes, it's hard to think like that if you've never thought about it before it took me Yeah, but knowing that knowing that that's the one of the very first things. I think that's great I think another thing that is I'll go ahead tell me I can see That really applies to everybody in terms of figuring out who you can work with You know, how do you like giving information? How do you like getting it back? Especially in your office, right? Yeah, can you adjust because I don't want to adjust it's I want to be As true to myself and use energy only for other things that are meaningful or going to grow things If I'm using that energy up with communication on a day-to-day basis. It's just draining I don't want people adjusting because you know, they do when they're adjusting them or Or absolutely, right? Yes. And so that's one thing when people work with us. We actually we take full Ownership over the higher we give you one person that we have actually Searched for the right person for the role and for what you what your experience is We use disk as a way to integrate communication and figure out how can these two people communicate to the best As quickly as possible We so we use a lot of tools and and my team works really hard to get people through the funnel It's actually they're too stringent. I'm changing our system right now Um, because I'll look at people. I'm like, why did we say no to these people again? And so, um, it's it's something that's interesting. We get real our funnel. You're really good But if you don't make it with the client the quicker we can figure that out the better Because it's not usually that they're a bad VA It's just the communication. I have a a process very quickly that can show you If somebody's working for you and anybody can use this So what you want to do is anything that you create for training every time you do something in the office Make a video on loom for everything just as you're doing the thing make a video explain it as you go And then and it's a screen recording so they can see it If you want to talk about for instance, um, something that is not on a screen still make a video talk about it Because what you want that person to do is create a process sheet very simple document That they're just going to say to write in bullet points what they heard you say So you want these trainings to be very short five minutes or under sometimes 10 minutes at most If 8 out of 10 of those process sheets that they wrote are like oh that makes total sense Yes, they understand what i'm saying But two of them I missed something because they they need more context or I I realize now I You're going to take ownership because you trust that they understand the majority of what you just said, right? Yeah, they've they got 8 out of 10 of the process sheets written correctly and they understood you You're going to think oh, it's me. I need to change something But if if 4 out of 10 or 5 out of 10 were not like they're like, what did what did they watch? It's that's that's quickly how you can see a red flag for communication We're we're going to be pressing up on top of the hour here before we know it So, you know, I'm kind of curious I'm sitting here thinking, you know, what are all the things that I could use a va for what give us some some just highlight examples of Yeah, why would I want a va or you know, if i'm actively running a house cleaning company one of things that that va's could do for me So there's three different kinds of va's. We really focus on It's a general assistant kind of like a csr or an office manager if it's somebody who's really small It would be like an office assistant office manager They can do everything for you. They can run your entire office. They just can't sweep your floor or get your mail Literally anything that anybody in your office can do they can do and it's all about learning your systems And if you don't have systems I have systems that I give people or you can make a training video that says, hey I don't have a system for this but we need one bring me back two or three ideas of how other people Do this so that we can make a decision on it. That's a training video right there We don't have to have all the answers and so For that's a general role. It could also be you have an office manager who's not Be able to focus on the things that they're best at they might be best at talking to clients and you know Checking in on them and creating relationships, but they're doing data entry all day Or maybe they really suck at phone calls and you want somebody in there who's better at it So you can have a va come in and do that for sales A lot of times sales people are really really good at selling things and really really bad at paperwork or anything else and so Imagine what you could do for your sales person how much more effective they could be So a sale of the second type of vm. Sorry, that's the second type Yeah, and so there is some level of selling if you they're doing phone calls as a general csr role, right? If you operate that way But the second one is fully focused on sales. It could be cold calling It could be because filipinos have so many call centers with well trained people Who have learned how to sell and in your business? You've mentioned the Philippines a couple times. Is that Kind of your specialty is And here's how it's going to be different Every single person thinks i don't want to sound like a call center They're not going to sound like a call center and here's why they're going to learn everything about your business They're going to learn everything about the the way that you do work I want them to watch my technician training videos so that they understand what we do And then they're going to make a map. They're going to learn your area everything about your area They're going to make like a map of your area They're going to talk about the culture and all of the things like a fifth grade geography project So I do want to get to the third thing But I don't want to leave this one because I know you want to get that third thing So I but I don't want to leave this one And I also want to make sure that you hit on the language. I know a lot of people are concerned about I don't want somebody from another country. They're you know, we're gonna have this language barrier thing No, so philippinos learn americanized english in school because apparently we were in the philippines long ago as um And now we're and they love america. It's very I was there last year very americanized culture And they speak very good english and they're very very polite. Was there an issa event there? I don't know. That's a good question. I'll have to to see if I can All right, you had to pay for that trip. Okay It was to meet with my team But so it's a it's a culture where people are like the perfect type of employee Can you find good employees right now? I believe you can But americans have other dreams too and so the world can be our employment pool right now, especially for office roles So you they're never going to sound like a call center because they're going to learn everything about what you do and who you are The third type tom, how many businesses do you have right now too? We'll leave it at that Okay Anybody who has more than one business who has other things? Needs an executive assistant You need somebody in your life to manage So what my executive assistant did for me is they brought me all of the things that I needed to know about each of the businesses That's number three And there are a lot of different kinds of VAs we focus on these three because they're the most important that we know we can do well and That executive assistant what I call mine is the melody manager Because I don't want to manage somebody. I need a manager. I need somebody to manage me And so the one thing about the Philippines is that people In the Philippines the culture is the boss is here the employee is here When really as americans we want more of this usually we want somebody who's on our team right and so That's what we really Have issues with is giving it a lot of permission to make sure that they understand That they're on a they're a part of a team and that we want to collaborate So they do speak really excellent english. They're known for their english skills I have learned this I was why I wanted to hear it from someone else because I have heard this but i'm like What does that mean? I know that I'm going to send you I'll I'll link a voice test that I have for different voices to this podcast I mean this episode so that people can hear it in the comments. So yeah different voices All right, well tom we got our three and I know you want to share at least try and get melodies Uh her website up there. We're getting really tight on time now. Yeah Callie dang, I wanted to show issa's got events in all of these places exciting wow May of 2023 That's the one That's the one I went to you went to it was so there you go didn't eat if you want to go Yeah, there you go, but it passed us. I didn't it says 2023 Oh, that's right Oh wait, it's uh 2025 now We can Got update talk to you. We can start saving money Oh, no, they'll pay If you get on the list if you get on the list they need i'm dropping the link in chat So you can like start researching and get your application in our link. Yeah I would love it if that actually happened wouldn't that be amazing? Yeah, didn't reach out to me And I'll tell you exactly how it worked And who you might be able to reach at the Italian embassy or consulate about it So this is what we do. So our language on our website is still about our recruiting service because we're we're phasing that out We are fully in agency now that because I want ownership over the roles that our company gives I want ownership over the training that we provide And the support that a VA gets and the benefits they get because one of the things is a lot of problems happen When a when a client is not at good maybe as the management side of things And we don't find out until it's too late So taking ownership over this allows us to have a much more consistent Service we have like about between an 82 and 86 success rate on our first time matches If we have that's huge for our industry. That's a big deal For for our second time matches if we if we don't get it right where people are imperfect It's not always perfect, but second time we're in the high 90s And if they need to go to a third time sometimes it's not us Sometimes it might not just be the right client for us. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, but we all deal with that, right? Yeah, I'd love anybody to reach out to me on facebook messengers my favorite friend me I have a women's group called the business misfits if you're a purpose get driven Generous giving you know a giver in this world and you want to be surrounded by like-minded women It's my group. So it's a private group, but you can ask to join No jerks allowed And that's actually the how I had met you for the first time melody was through the business Yeah, yeah, that's how I knew about you when I met you and it's a secret club Yeah, I dropped the url to your your website melody in the uh in the chat. So so everybody could get that and I have to say it was a pleasure meeting you. I had a lot of fun today I did too. I mean you let me talk a lot. So thank you. That was fun for me We're friends now and we are And another time if you were giving me a quote to clean my windows, I'd probably get a deal The best deal Well, thanks so much melody. I really appreciate you coming on here today and You know just giving us a little bit more education I really love that you broke it down with these three areas that you really do well So highly recommending anybody that needs a va in one of those three areas Or if you don't know that you need a va, but you're struggling in one of those three areas. Guess what you do So yeah, I'm always willing to talk. It doesn't have to be about us It could be just helping them find the right way to go about it. So Nice If you're curious, I think it would certainly at least be worth a discussion and Go to melody and hit her up in facebook messenger and Learn a little more. Thank you so much for having me here. Are we going to be back next week? Liz? I Will not be here tom, but you All Yeah, I'm solid. I think I'm gonna be in florida next week. I'm doing a Business ride along for a week Okay. Yeah, I'm solid. I'll be here next wednesday five o'clock eastern with smart business moves You guys have a great week. Bye. Thank you. Melody. Bye. Bye


the giant Brachiosaurus. Unlike a number of other sauropods, the forelimbs of the Brachiosaurus are notably longer than its hind legs. This causes its back to incline and gives it an appearance that vaguely resembles the giraffe.