They just would rather not change in the moment that they'd rather stay exactly the same because they know what they know tomorrow is predictable if they don't change. And the reason is that with change comes loss and what we lose is the familiar. So, you know, there's something about knowing exactly how things are gonna go, even if we're not really happy with them. People will lose a hundred pounds and then they'll gain a hundred pounds back or they'll win the lottery and then they lose all of their money. So do you find that a lot of times it's because of the story that they're attached to, the identity behind everything that kind of they can go out of it and then it pulls them right back into it? My TED Talk is all about how you change your story. And one of the things that I say both in the book and the talk is that a lot of people think they're coming to therapy to get to know themselves. But I feel like what you're doing when you come to therapy is you're coming to unknow yourself. I've been a therapy. I know other people have been a therapy and I know people who are terrified of therapy. First off, do you feel as a therapist that most people should go to therapy? And then also at the same time, why do people get so afraid to go and talk with someone that's a therapist? Yeah. Well, first of all, I don't think everybody needs to go to therapy. I think the title of the book, maybe you should talk to someone is a little bit of a nod toward trying to say to a friend, well, maybe you should talk to someone. But it also means maybe we need to talk more to one another. And I mean in an honest way, in a way that is going to be helpful and we need to learn how to listen to one another. And I think that the reason that people are afraid of reaching out and going to therapy because I think therapy can be very useful. I feel like going to therapy is like getting a really good second opinion on your life from someone who is not in your life.  Whereas therapy is actually a very active process of having someone go in and hold up a mirror to you and help you to see your blind spots, help you to see what keeps you stuck, helps you to see your patterns so that you can be more effective out in the world. So do you feel like, if I think from like the spiritual aspect, people always talk about the ego, right? Are people afraid of change because it's gonna destroy the ego, the self, the image, the identity they've built up for so long or is it they just would rather not change in the moment that they'd rather stay exactly the same because they know what, that they know tomorrow is predictable if they don't change. Right, that's such a good point because even positive change, people have trouble with. So that's why New Year's resolutions, for example, often don't last. And the reason is that with change comes loss and what we lose is the familiar. So there's something about knowing exactly how things are gonna go even if we're not really happy with them. When you make a change, you are going into a place of uncertainty. You're changing an old habit. You're doing something that's outside of your comfort zone. You're going to experience some discomfort because you are changing and humans don't do well with uncertainty. So what we do is we sabotage our efforts at changing. And the other reason, and I go through this and maybe you should talk to someone, there are many stages of change.  Sometimes that happens, but more often, you go through the changes that I talk about in my book where there's pre-contemplation, you don't even realize you're thinking about change. There's contemplation, you're sort of contemplating it, but you're not ready. There's preparation, then there's action. And the most important phase of change is maintenance. And maintenance is once you've made the change, how do you maintain that change? And most people, the second they split back, and you will, because you're human, they say, oh, it didn't work. I failed as opposed to, oh, that's okay. I'm just gonna get back on the train again tomorrow. Yeah, one of the things that I find with people is they get so stuck in the story of, I guess you could call it identity that they have.  It's all kind of one in the same once you dive into it. But I find that for so many people, they have so many habits that are attached to that identity that it makes it hard to even shift it. And one of my favorite quotes, and I'm curious what your thoughts are around it, is Alan Watts says, you're under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago. But the problem with that is that I'm curious with you, do you feel like people, if there's a massive shift, like if someone has a heart attack, they can literally decide to be a different person with a different identity with different habits. But majority of the time, it's like you said, they kind of go out of them and then they come back in them. People will lose a hundred pounds and then they'll gain a hundred pounds back or they'll win the lottery and then they lose all of their money. So do you find that a lot of times it's because of the story that they're attached to, the identity behind everything that kind of they can go out of it and then it pulls them right back into it? Well, right, I think those stories are so powerful and they're operating behind the scenes. So we're not even aware that we're telling ourselves that story. My TED Talk is all about how you change your story. And one of the things that I say, both in the book and the talk, is that a lot of people think they're coming to therapy to get to know themselves. But I feel like what you're doing when you come to therapy is you're coming to unknow yourself, to get rid of that old story that is not accurate, doesn't work for you, doesn't fit anymore. So a lot of people are telling themselves these stories like I'm unlovable or I can't trust anyone or nothing will ever work out for me or I'm the whatever kind of person, right? Which is some kind of story that maybe doesn't really reflect who they are. So it's really teasing out who do you think you are? What are these stories?  And that gives you freedom. That opens up possibility. First thing you said was that I'm unlovable and I feel like that's, that hits home for a lot of people. You know, with, with my podcast to get a lot of emails of people just saying they just talk so much trash themselves. They say stuff to themselves. They would never say to someone that they love, ever. One of my friends Jay Shetty did a great video and he had women write down, they were probably in their 20s and 30s and they had them write down all of the negative stuff they say to themselves. And then they didn't know but in the other rumors are little sisters that are teenagers and you had them come out, like, you know, eight to probably 15. And he said, I want you to say this to them. And they're like, I could never do that, you know? And so what is, why do people get stuck in that story of, I hear it all the time and I feel like it's so common that they just talk so crappy themselves all of the time. And then they get stuck in this loop of that's all that they know that they don't even know how to pull themselves out of that loop to talk positive himself. So people are so unkind to themselves. And I had a very similar experience where I had a client come to me and she was so clearly self-critical but she didn't think she was being self-critical. We have these voices in our heads that speak to us all day long. So when I'm doing events and I'll say to people on, you know, from the stage who is the person that you talk to most in the course of your life? Show of hands, is it your partner? Is it your best friend? Is it your sibling? Tons of hands for that. But if I say, no, actually the person that you talk to most in the course of your life is yourself, people gas and they gas because they know it's true. And so I had this client come in and she said, oh, no, I'm not like that. I'm not harsh on myself. Well, I said, I want you to write down everything that you say to yourself over the course of a few days and then come back next week and we'll talk about it. So she does the assignment, she comes back the next week and she starts to read it and she says, I can't even read this. I am such a bully to myself.  She said that to herself. Who would think that? Because you made a typo. You wouldn't think that of your friend if your friend made that typo or she saw her reflection in a mirror and she said, oh my God, you look terrible today. But she did not look terrible. And you wouldn't think that or none of her friends would think that if they looked at her. And so I think it's really important to ask yourself to listen for that voice because that voice is guiding all of the choices and decisions that you make about what's possible for you, what you can achieve, who you can be with, what your value is, that voice is dictating all of that and you don't even know that it's there.  Is it true and is it useful? And if that voice, whatever your voice is saying to you, doesn't meet those three criteria, stop listening to that voice. Is it kind? Is it true? Is it useful? Do you feel like that's learned for people to talk that way to themselves? Do you feel like maybe it's, I mean, everybody wants to go back to believing their parents, but it could be their parents. It could be society. It could have been an aunt or a brother.  I think it's learned both in your family of origin and also in the culture. So you're gonna get it from somewhere because we're not born sort of hating on ourselves. For sure. So what happens is, that voice came from somewhere. Somebody was giving you these messages and if they weren't, let's say that you got really good modeling in your family growing up, the culture will do that to you. The culture will say, you're not successful enough, you're not attractive enough, you're not this enough, you're not that enough. And the problem with comparison is that it does one of two things. Either you look at somebody else, let's say you're scrolling through Instagram, right? And you say, I am less than, I'm not good enough. And so you feel it inferior or you scroll through and you do that kind of Schadenfreude thing where you say, oh, look, I'm more successful than this person because this just happened to me. And that's a narcissistic place to be. It's not true, a true sense of your worth. And so I think when we talk about comparison, it's really important to compare yourself to yourself. Where am I today compared to yesterday? How am I doing in terms of my goals for myself? And do they align with my values and who I want to be in the world? I love that. And it makes me real curious when you talk about, all right, so we could talk trash to ourselves or we could see somebody and compare ourselves in a narcissistic way, build ourselves up. But it seems like both of those could come from a lack of self-worth, right? So it's like- Right, that's a false self. So can you dive more into that and explain the both sides of that? Because both of them, it seems like either, oh my God, I don't look like her or she must starve herself or something like that can come from a place of low self-worth, right? Yeah, those are sort of defense mechanisms that we use.   People are so afraid to feel those kinds of messy feelings like sadness, anxiety, envy. I always say about envy, it's a great thing to notice your envy because I always say follow your envy, it tells you what you want.  It means you use it to say, what does that tell me about something that I want in my life and what are the steps that I can take to get my version of that, the one that would look right for me or feel right for me as opposed to just denying the envy because then you won't go after what you want or just bathing in self-loathing because you don't have what you want. It's a really active process when you say, how can I use my envy? And I feel like all of our feelings are like a GPS system. They tell us what direction to go in and if we pretend that we're not feeling something, it's like walking around with a faulty GPS, you never know what direction to go in. That's so good. Hey, you're the hiring expert at your company and what you really need is help making a short list of quality candidates. You need a hiring partner that makes your life easier. You need Indeed. Indeed is the job website that makes hiring easy. All you have to do is just post, screen and interview all on Indeed and you get your quality short list of candidates whose resumes on Indeed match your job description faster and you pay only for the candidates that meet your must-have qualifications and schedule, complete the interviews, all of them all on Indeed dashboard. Tools like Indeed Instant Match give you quality candidates whose resumes on Indeed fit your job description immediately and on average it reduces your time of hiring by 27%. 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The one thing that I'm curious of that you said is a little bit of the guilty side in there because what I noticed is that people, the spiral of people will go down, right? So it's like they see something, they judge it or they judge the other person or they judge themselves and then they don't feel good. And now they judge themselves for doing that and they guilt themselves for being that type of person. So with that spiral, I know the first thing is probably there's some self-awareness that needs to be there, but if someone notices, cause I feel like I talk about this a lot in my podcast of you've got to become self aware, you've got to notice you've got, as Dr. Joe Dispenza says, take yourself out of the jar and read the label. If somebody notices themselves in that spiral, is there some sort of tips or strategy that you typically use to get someone out wants to become self aware? Yeah, I mean, the thing to ask yourself is what can I learn? What am I learning right now from this feeling? What is this feeling telling me? So to have a better relationship with your feelings, meaning that your feelings are not the enemy, they're actually your friend. And if you start to feel something that makes you uncomfortable, you welcome that feeling because that's going to help you understand something about yourself that maybe you hadn't been aware of before. So you have a reaction to something you see out in the world. What is that telling me about myself right now? What can I learn from this about me, not about the other person, but about me? So would you say that the best thing is at that point is just, hey, get curious? Instead of start getting mad, it's just more like, hey, get curious about what's going on in this moment? Well, right. Instead of judging yourself, have compassion for yourself. I think self-compassion is so important because we can't grow without self-compassion. A lot of people think the opposite. They think I have to self-flagellate to hold myself accountable, to be really hard on myself so that then I can achieve and succeed and meet all of my goals. But it turns out that people don't function well when they are being harassed by themselves or by anybody else. I mean, think about it as a parent with kids. If you say to your kid, how did you get this grade? That's terrible. Versus, oh, let's understand what that mistake was about and let's try to understand what the challenge was here so that we can figure out what might work better next time.  And so we do that to ourselves as adults that we aren't compassionate with ourselves. We don't say, okay, well, I wish I had done this differently or I wish that I were at this point in my life or whatever it is, what can I learn right now? How can I get curious about myself? And that self-compassion, you can't do that when you're telling yourself that you're not good enough, that you're bad, that you're worthless. That's not a place from which you can grow. Yeah, and the whole idea of finding out your story and realizing where you're kind of stuck, try to get yourself unstuck. The thing that's, I have a friend, I have a lot of friends that come to me and just ask me questions and kind of throw their life stuff at me, right? And one of them has an issue with one of their parents and we're talking about how we're at the, I feel like once you kind of get over the age of 18, 20, 22 years old, it's hard to change. But as you get older and older and older, I feel like it gets even more stuck where people get stuck and they're like, this is how I am.  Do you find that it's, as somebody gets older, it's harder for them to change or it's just dependent on every single person's situation? And I have a lot of listeners that are all ages. So I have people go up to 75, 80 years old. So some of them I hear, I had literally a course that I went through and someone was 96 that went through the course, right? So it's like, even at 96, somebody wants to change and get better.  I think what's great about being human is that you can change at any age. And maybe you should talk to someone, there's someone that I see who's about to turn 70 and her life has been extremely messy and unhappy up to that point, to the point that she doesn't wanna live anymore. And so much changes in her life over just the course of a year. And so I think that when people are ready, that change can happen at any age. And I don't mean that you can change the past. And so I think one of the big things is that people come into therapy and they're kind of like, they wanna redo on their childhood somehow or they wanna redo on some period of their lives and they won't move forward because they're so fixated on, I want this to have happened differently as opposed to, okay, now that that happened, here's where you are now in the present, what can we do moving forward? And so you don't get a redo and it's true that as you get older, more things have happened. But I also think that as you get older, you become much more aware of our limited time on this planet, you become much more aware of our mortality. And that's a huge motivation to make change and to make change quickly because you realize that you don't have all the time in the world to do it. So do you recommend for people that are stuck on their past and they've been stuck for a long time to try to sit down and find the lessons that come from it and how they can grow and become a better person or to look back and forgive or to look back and go, it is what it is. There's nothing I can do, like what's the process of looking back through the past? Obviously it could take a lot of sessions to do something like this, but look back in the past and kind of just let the past be the way that it is versus feeling like I wish it would have been different or I wish I would have acted different than she wouldn't have left me or whatever it is that's going on. I think that so many people spend time on the what ifs that they don't spend enough time on the what is. So what happens is they spend a lot of time thinking about how could I redo this thing from the past and what it does is it prevents them from actually living in the present. You're not actually alive in the present. There's a big difference between being alive and not dead, right? And meaning you can be alive and really live and be someone who's vibrant and lives in the present or you can be not dead and you're living in the past and you're living through all these other experiences but you're not present for your life right now. And then people have more regret later because they say I spent all of those years regretting my past instead of living in the present.  I think that's relevant here because what a therapist will do is really hold up the mirror to you and help you to see yourself in a way that your friends won't. So your friends will say, you'll complain about the same thing over and over with your friends. My parents this, my partner this, my boss this and your friends will say, yeah, they're wrong. You're right. That's terrible.  And I'm not saying that difficult things didn't happen to you. It's that you are putting yourself in a position of helplessness. We call them help rejecting complainers. People who they say they want help but really what they just wanna do is complain. And it's very hard to help a help rejecting complainer.  But really if a fight breaks out and every bar you're going to maybe it's you but your friends are not saying that. If you're seeing this all across the board and all your relationships or all your situations. In therapy, a therapist is going to offer wise compassion where they're going to really help you to understand how it's serving you to keep talking about the same thing from the past where you're not moving forward in any way and you're ignoring your life in the present. So what are you afraid of? What are you terrified of facing right now? What will it mean to say, wait a minute, I'm free. My own therapist and I have the illustration in the book too brought up this beautiful cartoon with me where he said, you remind me of this cartoon and it's of a prisoner shaking the bars desperately trying to get out but on the right and the left, it's open. No bars. The prisoner is not in jail. So many of us feel that way. We feel like we're trapped by our circumstances or situation, the people in our lives. So we're shaking the bars but really we can just walk around the bars. We're free. So the reason that people don't walk around the bars is because with freedom comes responsibility. If we walk around the bars, we are responsible for our lives. We are responsible for our happiness. We are responsible for the choices and decisions that we make. We are responsible for our reactions, for our behaviors and we can't blame anyone else anymore. Oh my God, that's so good because I feel like there was a picture I saw not too long ago and it looked like a politician, a cartoon politician who's had a whole bunch of people and says, who wants change and everybody raise their hand? And then the next one said, who wants to change and everybody's hand was down? It's kind of like everybody, especially I feel like nowadays, you know, there's so many people that are on this side or that side and this belief or that belief. It seems like everybody wants everyone else to change around them. And they never actually want to accept as you're saying the responsibility of maybe that if I change, I can change my circumstances, which kind of goes back to, you know, the Gandhi quote be the change you wanna see in the world. And that's one of the things that you say quite often is that, you know, people want change but they want someone outside of them to change when in reality, they need to realize that part of them needs to change in order for that change to happen, right? That's right. So I see that a lot when couples come in. So couples come in and usually what's the problem? The other person, right? And so what I do with couples is before they come in, I say, I want you to write down what you want to do, what work you want to do on yourself in this therapy to improve this relationship. So it's not about what, you know, whatever the other person does is not gonna be relevant here to your goals. Your goals are about how can you make change and a specific change? Because we all know that even if the other person needs to change too, that we react to them in a certain way that is not helping that actually exacerbates the situation. So it's really important to say, what can I do to change? You can't change another person but you're changing yourself can influence another person and help them to want to change because you're reacting to them in a different way now. For sure.  How much do you feel like the person's environment plays the way that they show up, the way that they are? And then do you often give advice of, hey, maybe you should remove yourself from this group of people in order to make massive change in your life because you're pulling you back? What's interesting is that when we're younger we don't get to choose our environment but when we're adults we do and I think sometimes we forget that. And so what happens is people recreate a situation that seems very similar to the environment that they did not want to be in when they were younger and now that they have a choice they end up surrounding themselves with friends, with romantic partners, with coworkers who are very similar to whatever dynamic they were experiencing growing up. And so why would people do that? You wonder, well, why would you do that? When you're an adult and you can finally choose the people that you want to be around why would you choose people who are not healthy for you? And the answer is again, going back to the familiar that our unconscious has this pull toward the familiar if we don't work out our stuff. So we like to say, we marry our unfinished business. And I think that we do that with our friendships too. We choose friends based on our unf... We choose our unfinished business for our friends. If you work on that then it's not unfinished business anymore and now you're not going to have this pull toward recreating that situation that you had before. And the idea is that if you recreate that situation that you had before that somehow you're gonna master at this time, that's why we do it as adults but it doesn't work out that way. You're just going to put yourself in that same position of how you felt when you were younger. Helpless, sad, anxious, unheard, unseen, misunderstood, all of that.  Or they notice, is it a lot of times where it's just fully, there's aspects of this person that they're dating that they don't realize remind them so much of their mom but they marry them because they feel like that's the familiar and this is something I need to work on and this is all subconscious or do you feel like sometimes it is conscious as well? Well, if they haven't worked out their unfinished business then there's this pull toward people who maybe look different on the surface. So when you first meet them it's different you have this intense chemistry with them and you're really drawn to them and when you have that really strong feeling of like I'm really pulled to this person I'm really drawn to this person and it feels ungrounded, then you might say, wait a minute, is this something more than who this person is? Is this the past and the present coming together or is this just the present? So sometimes what people think of as chemistry is actually a pull toward some need to resolve some unresolved dynamic from the past through this person who will recreate that situation for them again in an unhealthy way. Again, people don't generally look like that person. So if you grew up with an angry parent you're not gonna probably pick someone who on the surface seems angry but then as you get to know that person you say, wow, that person really has a temper issue or if you grew up with an alcoholic parent you're probably gonna choose someone who doesn't seem like they have addiction issues but they have other kinds of issues that are very similar to addiction issues. This episode is brought to you by Public Goods, the one-stop shop for sustainable, high quality, everyday essentials made from clean ingredients at an affordable price. Everything from coffee to toilet paper to shampoo to pet food. 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And so we're just pulled to those types of people and feel like we gotta fix them and that's our, you know, because we can't, I guess as a child you can't change your parents obviously. Humans want to have control and when you don't have control and what could be a situation where you have less control than being a child with a parent who doesn't have control over their own lives. And so you have this parent who's out of control, you feel very out of control as a child because you can't control the situation and then you grow up and you say, I'm gonna make sure I'm never in that vulnerable situation again where I don't have any control and then you end up being drawn to someone where you feel like I'm gonna have so much control that I'm going to fix them. So is it kind of like, you know, my father was alcoholic and so he passed away when I was 15 from being an alcoholic and so when I've done a lot of therapy and then psychedelics around it, one thing that I put, my childhood was uncertainty, right? And then I realized through a lot of work that I've built my entire life to be as certain as possible and the problem with that is that then you try to control every situation in every person and that just ruins relationships for people.  So what's, I know cause you do a lot of couples therapy what's the, when someone's in that situation when they find out they're with somebody that has addictive personality or, you know, addictions that they go, oh man, I actually subconsciously have been wanting to fix this person, do you recommend? Cause I guess the way I'm trying to phrase the question excuse me is, we just said you can't change the person. So now you're in a relationship with this person. So we're talking about changing yourself before changing the person. So do you try to change yourself to change the dynamic of that relationship and hope that they change or is the best thing a lot of times just to get out of the relationship and seek somebody different. I think that the beauty of adulthood is that you're now with somebody where you're in the adult position. So you're not in a helpless childhood position. So you can set boundaries and you can set expectations and boundaries are something that you set with yourself by the way, you know, a lot of people misconstrue boundaries. They think a boundary is, if you do this, you know you can't do this, this is a boundary. I'm telling you, you can't do this. And what a boundary actually is, is you tell the person what you want or need and they either can do it or choose to do it or choose not to do it or can't do it, but you choose your response. Your boundary is with yourself. If this person can't give me what I want or need then what is my decision? What am I going to do? And that's where it's really important, especially where people try to drag you into their stuff that's not yours. So in those couples where you say, oh wow, you know there are a lot of aspects of this person that I love but there are also aspects of this person that remind me a lot of the things that were very detrimental to me in my childhood and are detrimental to me now. You talk with that person and you say, look these are the things that I want or need and this is what my response is going to be. You know, and at a certain point if you're with somebody who's an addict and they're not going to do anything about it you might choose to not be in that relationship. You know, it's a totally different ball game if they are going to do something about it but again, you get to choose what is okay for you and what is not okay for you and you can't dictate to somebody else how they should live their lives. You can tell them what's important to you and they're going to live their lives how they live their lives and vice versa, they're going to tell you what is important to them. You know, a lot of people we talk about safety and relationships and a lot of people say in order, you know let's say that someone cheated on someone in a past relationship, right? And now you're with this new person who has never cheated on you or anyone else but you hold them accountable for the crimes of the other person that you've dated before. And so every time that person goes out, you know the person says you have to text me where you are or you're not allowed to have friends of the opposite you know, sex or you know, whatever it is that's unreasonable. So that person's saying for my safety you need to do all of this. You are perfectly capable of saying to that person no, you know, I know you have trust issues and I know you want to feel safe but I can't make you feel safe by not living my life. I can't make you feel safe in that way. I can make you feel safe by being trustworthy cause that's what I am but I can't make you feel safe by doing things that feel unhealthy to me like having to text you every minute that I'm away from you type of thing. And that tends to be for the person who wants the text message. It tends to be self-sabotage in every relationship they go into because with restriction and I want to dive into it because one of the things you say that people want more than anything else is freedom that they put two buckets into in therapy is freedom and change. But for the person who wants freedom then they go out with a girl goes out with her friends and she's got a text every hour and let the guy know where she is. She's going to go through this. I don't want to, I love this guy but I don't want to feel restricted in every single thing that I do. And people tend to have these self-sabotaging relationships and circumstances that they kind of carry through with them their entire life until they, I guess unconsciously bring the subconscious to the conscious and go, wow, yeah, this thing is really actually holding me back. Is that typically what you find as well? Yeah, that they actually create the very thing that they're terrified of having happened. That's crazy. So they're with the person and they say, oh my gosh, I have a fear of abandonment and I don't want to be abandoned. And then they do everything possible to make sure the person won't abandon them. But in doing that, that person feels so restricted that at a certain point they abandoned them not because they didn't love them but because they say, I can't be in this kind of relationship. That's crazy. It's almost like they guarantee their own unhappiness by trying to protect themselves from the thing that they think is going to be catastrophic for them. And it's kind of like the, going back to the whole parent thing as well, it's kind of like the idea of, you know, I've heard the phrase of fathers, you should raise your daughter the same way that you want her to marry. It's kind of the idea is because they're gonna marry somebody that's a lot like you. And it's interesting to me because so many people, I have a friend who's dealing with parents that are getting, one of her dad has extreme anger issues, right? And it's interesting to see what seems like child trauma come up in someone who is an adult, like a full adult. And I'm curious with anger and with emotion with sadness and all of these things, do you tend to find that like in this case, someone who's got extreme anger issues that a lot of times this is something that's carrying from their childhood where maybe they didn't get a popsicle when they were three years old and they got extremely angry and the parents are just like, I've had enough, just give them a freaking popsicle.  And they kind of bring this, or if I get emotional, I get what I want. And they kind of perpetuate this from childhood into adulthood and they're completely unaware of these things. Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think that's where we learn about relationship is in our homes. When we were growing up. And so there's a lot of unlearning that some people have to do. Other people got great learning in their childhood homes and they bring that into their adult worlds. But definitely, and I think you have to be aware of that. But I think that one thing that even in sort of the best of environments, one thing that happens culturally. So outside of your parents might have been incredibly good role models for you. But at the same time, one thing that I think the culture does is even for the best of parents, it shapes the way we interact. And so what I see in the therapy room is that there's this difference between how men present and how women present. And when you talk about fathers and their kids, I think that men are really afraid of being vulnerable with their emotions. That they still feel like they need to be the stoic one. They need to be the rock. They need to be the strong one, whatever that means to them. Because interestingly, being strong does not mean stuffing down your feelings. But somehow we've come to conclude that in our culture. And so when men come in to see me, they'll often say something like, I've never told anyone this before. And they seriously have never told a soul about whatever the issue is that they're thinking about. And it's a very sort of like common issue and they think they're the only one. And women will come in and they'll say, I've never told anyone this before, except for my mother, my sister, my best friend. So they've told a few people, but they feel like they haven't told anyone because they have permission to be vulnerable. And so I see this in couples therapy where let's say it's a heterosexual couple and the woman often will say to the man, some version of, I wanna feel closer to you. I don't feel connected to you. I wanna know more about what's going on inside. I want you to share with me what you're feeling and then he does. And let's say he starts crying. And she will inevitably look at me like a deer in headlights. Like I didn't feel safe when you weren't sharing with me because I didn't feel close to you. I felt like there was this gap, this big gap between us, but I don't feel safe when you're sharing too much with me. Like you're crying in front of me, right? She doesn't use those words until we start talking about it, but you can see her body tense up. Like she doesn't know what to do. Like he's crying, does she hug him? But she kind of recoils. She knows she's supposed to move toward him and she does, but it's very mechanical. And so I think we need to give men permission to be vulnerable and see that as the strength that it is. And so when we're raising our kids, if you think about fathers, I'm not saying break down crying for either parent in front of your kids. Although if you are sad, there's nothing wrong with letting them see you be sad in reaction to something that is sad. But I think just in watching you sort of like talk about feelings that's not like, sort of like go talk to your mom about that. You are available for that. That you can share that, that you can engage in those kinds of conversations. That's how that child is going to grow up and feel whole and feel able to be fully present with their partners when they're older. Yeah, it's almost like in our culture, emotion is very, like especially for men, but I also think it's just for everybody. Emotion is kind of shamed a lot of times. One of the things that I notice is if somebody starts crying almost always, they say, I'm sorry. They have to apologize for having feelings. And do you feel like that's something that's just in the culture where they're just, we're not supposed to, we're more of like head culture versus heart culture.  I think it's so interesting because even in the therapy room where you would expect there are tissue boxes right there. So you know that it's okay to cry in there that people will apologize, they'll start crying and they will apologize on a therapist's couch for crying while they're talking about something painful. So I think that's so interesting. And I think what happens is people then stuff down their feelings. And what happens is if you don't give your feelings some air, they will come out in other ways. So they come out in too much food or too much alcohol or a short temperedness or insomnia or difficulties in relationship, difficulty focusing that mindless scrolling through the internet, right?  It was like a non-prescription pain killer. And so what happens is the feelings are there, they're just, you're trying to numb them out, but numbness is not the absence of feelings. Numbness is actually a sense of being overwhelmed by too many feelings. You're flooded. And so you go numb. And part of that is because of the culture. Cause the culture says, uh-oh, I'm feeling a lot. I better not feel this way.  As opposed to, wow, I really want to use these feelings. I really want to understand these feelings are going to help me understand what is not working right now. What is not working in my life. If you don't feel, it's like with our physical selves, we don't do that. We don't say, oh my gosh, I got a cut. I'm going to ignore it. Right?  You got to take care of it. And you got to say, okay, how did I get that cut? I got to be more careful next time. Now with your feelings, instead of what you do is you say, you're not like, why am I sad or why am I anxious? You're just like, I don't want to feel the sadness or anxiety. I'm going to go have a drink. Yeah. Yeah, that's one thing that I find real interesting because, you know, for my whole childhood, like the reason why I got into this is because I was trying to figure out my dad for so long. And my dad was an alcoholic. So I was like, I remember I was listening to Gabor Mate for a couple of months ago, a couple of years ago, excuse me. And he talks about that almost all addictions come from some form of trauma. And it's like this whole thing that's starting to come out. And I was like, I've always thought it was this way because I knew that my dad walked in the room when he was 12 years old after his dad shot himself and saw it. He just never overcame that. But what's really interesting about it is people will look at him and say, oh, he's an alcoholic. Or they'll look at someone's other way and say, oh, they're just, they're just fat, whatever it is. But they don't look at the other sides of like people that are workaholics a lot of times are numbing people that are on Instagram. Like you're saying all the time is numbing alcoholics and drug addiction, all of that is a form of numbing. And I'm really curious with the whole numbing that we have one of the things that changed my life was reading the book, Brené Brown's books of vulnerability. And when I started this podcast and the first thing that I wrote down was I'm going to be as vulnerable as possible so that people feel like, oh, me too. There's other people that are going through the same stuff I'm going through.  And I still love you through it. And so with the numbing and some people want to go there but some people don't, is it just safe to find somebody that just doesn't judge you when you want to break down and cry and just be able to share? Or you were talking a few minutes ago about when people share with their friends, they don't tell them what they need to hear. Is it that you need to go to that friend and say, listen, tell me all the things I need to hear and be hard with me? Or what is the practical way to work through these things when we're starting to identify that we're numbing feelings? Yeah, that's so true. I think it's really important to choose your audience in terms of who is the person that you're going to share with. A lot of people, what they do is they say, well, I don't want to be vulnerable because I get burned when I'm vulnerable. And what happens is they go to the same person over and over who doesn't know how to listen, who doesn't know how to be present, who doesn't know how to sit with them. And I think that it's really important for us as friends, as family members, as partners to know how to listen as well when people come to us. So for example, when somebody comes to you and they're talking to you about something, it's important to say to them at the beginning of the conversation, how can I be helpful to you right now? I'm here with you, how can I be helpful? Do you just want to vent right now? Do you want to hug? Do you want me to share what I'm thinking about this or how I'm feeling about this? Do you want me to brainstorm ideas with you? And then the person reflects for a second, oh, wait a minute, what do I want out of this conversation? What is it that I'm needing now? And it also opens the door to the idea that there's not just one conversation that right now during this 20 minutes, this is what I need right now, but maybe tomorrow I am going to want your thoughts on this or I am going to want your honest feedback about this, right? And maybe right now I'm so raw because it just happened that I just want to tell you what happened right now and I just want you to sit with me. So it's really important to know how to listen and to choose people who know how to listen to you. So I want to go back to, with what you just said, I want to also go back to the man who cries in front of the woman and now she doesn't know what to do because I want to kind of close that loop because as you're talking, I'm like, well, damn, we need to bring this frame in if you're the man wanting to speak to the woman and say something.  So is it, is the man come in in that frame and say, hey, listen, I want to tell you something from my heart and if I get emotional, I just ask that you don't judge me because of this and I'll be the strong man that I've always been in 20 minutes after this and how would they frame that situation?  Because it seems like it could offend her and make her feel like, oh, it's not, he's not strong anymore, you know? Right, I'm going no only because of the way that you framed this thing about being strong that in 20 minutes, I'll be the strong man. No, you're actually being the strongest person to be in that moment by being vulnerable. So I just want to make sure that we don't reinforce that to the person we're talking to when you go, if you are the man who says, I really want to talk to you about this or I think the way to say it is, hey, you know what? One of the things that I think makes our relationship so strong or can make it really strong is if we're both able to be really vulnerable with each other, I think that that would show a strength in our relationship and a strength in each other. And I want to be able to talk with you that way, how do you feel about that? Are you okay with me really opening up to you? Because I feel like that is a strength of mine to be able to do that and it would be a strength in our relationship if we can really create that space for each other. Yeah, that was a big reframe when I read Brunei Brown was she says, we think that when we go and open ourselves up and we're vulnerable, that it shows that we're completely weak to everybody. But in reality, when we open ourselves up, people look at us and go, man, I wish I was that courageous to be able to open up myself to everyone else. Yeah, that's so we started this podcast called Dear Therapists and somebody comes on and you hear a therapy session and then we give them a concrete homework assignment that they have one week to do and then they come back and they tell us how it went and they do it all, we play it for you all in one episode so you can hear the whole story. And I think that what you're saying about this idea of strength and vulnerability is that we've gotten so much feedback, this podcast has just sort of exploded because everybody's saying, oh my gosh, I hear myself in this person and they're talking about it. And look what happens when they try the homework and they go and they talk to the people in their lives about it and how much it moves them forward. And so even if it's not your exact situation, I think the homework is applicable to everybody because basically it's about how can I show up in a way that feels like a strength to me and my partner whereas before it felt like a source of shame or I was hesitant to do it or I thought I don't wanna rock the boat or I didn't know how they would react. And so I think that the more that for example your podcast is out there or my podcast or all of these ways that people are seeing, wait a minute, this is universal. We are all more the same than we are different and there's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, being more human is going to lead to not only us having better lives but our society being a stronger society as a whole. Yeah, I love that. And I love what you're giving people the opportunity is what I always say is people just wanna go, me too, right? Like there's many times I've given speeches and I've talked about my father and there's a couple hundred people and then someone will come up and say, oh my gosh, I completely relate to you. My mom used to beat me when I was younger. And I'm like, I didn't tell that story at all but you heard something in my story that made you go, oh, I'm not the only one. It was the emotional similarity. It was the feeling understood. Again, when I do couples therapy, you think that in a couple, the three words that the person wants to hear are, I love you, but really the three words that the other person wants to hear is, I understand you. That is the most loving position to be in where you feel like I understand you.  Oh, that's like when you see the reaction of someone in a couple, when they feel understood by their partner in that deep way, there's really nothing like that. Yeah, that's amazing. I don't think there's any other way better to end than that exact way right there. So thank you so much for your time. This is amazing. It was good to talk to you about these things. I think for a lot of people, they need this right now, especially with all that's happening in the world.  Yeah, well, first of all, just thank you so much for the conversation. I'm so glad that these conversations are getting out in the world. And they can find me at my website, which is lorigotlib.com. They can check out my book, which is called Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. They can listen to my podcast, which is called Dear Therapists. And they can watch my TED Talk about changing our stories, which is at ted.com. Great. Lori Gottlieb, I appreciate your time. Thank you so much. And thank you for the great conversation as well. Oh, my pleasure. Thanks so much for having me. Hey, thanks so much for watching this video. If you love this video, I've got another one you're gonna love. Just click right here and watch it.


QuickBooks Online 2022. Bank feeds matching invoice to deposit. Get ready because it's go time with QuickBooks Online 2022. Here we are in our bank feed practice file we set up with a 30-day free trial holding down control, scrolling up a bit to get to the fourth one to five percent currently in the home page otherwise no one is they get things done page in the business view as compared to the accounting view. If you want to change to the accounting view it's something you can do by going to the cog up top switch to the accounting view down below we will be toggling the back and forth between the two views either here or by jumping to the sample company file currently and the accounting view back on over to the bank feed practice file opening up a couple tabs to put reports in by right-clicking the tab up top duplicating that tab going back to the tab to the left right-clicking again duplicating again as that is thinking let's see where the reports are located over here in the accounting view which is on the left-hand side under reports if we go back on over to our other file in the business view the bank feed practice file we're in the second tab the reports are located under the business overview on the left-hand side and then under the reports I'm gonna close up the hamburger opening up our favorite two reports starting off with the balance sheet financial statement reports showing where we stand at a point in time those ranges they are changes 010121 to 123121 and run and then tab to the right and going to the business overview again to the reports again and closing that hamburger going down to the profit and loss otherwise notice the income statement and the ranges they are changing 010121 to 123121 and run that one two now we're gonna imagine a situation where we're gonna have an invoice that will be involved let's jump on over to our flow chart this is the desktop version flow chart but it just gives us an an illustration of the forms involved with the customer cycle or revenue cycle we've been thinking about a situation where we can be completely dependent on the bank feeds now we're gonna basically deviate from that we're gonna say hey I cannot wait till it clears the bank to record the revenue or the transaction because I have to invoice the client so if I have to track the accounts receivable that's one way or one reason you need to oftentimes deviate or move away from a cash basis system being dependent in other words on the bank feeds so for example if I have to track accounts receivable we would use the create sales or the create invoice type of form and what the invoice will do and often will be used when we have like billable items for example if we did bookkeeping law firm or an accounting firm CPA firm and we're billing the client for the work that we had done we would create the invoice and then send it to the client when we make the invoice we would increase the accounts receivable which would be an asset and a cruel type of account the other side go into revenue because we earned the revenue at that point in time and then we would have to track the receivables which QuickBooks can be helpful to do if used properly and then receive the payment and then once we've received the payment we can either put it into the checking account at that point or we can put it into a clearing account which used to be called undeposited funds and then put it into the checking account possibly grouping multiple payments that we have received possibly including sales receipts we have received depositing them together into the bank with a deposit form on the accounting side of things so we've got the three steps that would be involved possibly when we use the invoice so if we start with the invoice then that how do the bank feeds fit into it we could fit it in in one of those three spots so for example is it possible for me to create the invoice increase in the accounts receivable the other side going to sales and then wait till the customer pays me and actually have it clear the bank which is an essence of deposit in the bank use the bank feeds then to match out to the invoice which would basically be recording the transaction of the the revenue going up and the accounts receivable I'm sorry the cash going up and accounts receivable going back down and so that's one way we might be able to fit the bank feeds in or we've record the invoice and then we record the receipt of the payment we deposit the payment into the checking account with a receive payment form we could do that which means it would have already entered the bank on our side when we enter the transaction the bank feed would then match out the deposit that we made on the bank to what is in the actual bank at this point in time or we could use the receive payment to put the money into the undeposited or clearing account and then wait until it actually clears the bank use the bank feed to tie out to the undeposited funds or whatever that clearing account is called taking it out of there put it into the bank or we can do the full process in our system actually making the full deposit and then use the bank feeds to match out the deposit so we'll take a look at each of these steps and see how that could work out and you can think about what system might be best for you so let's do the first one we make an invoice and then we try to match out the bank feed directly to the invoice so I'm going to go back on over I'm going to deconstruct this in like reverse order so I'm going to go to the first tab here I'm going to right click on this tab again and duplicate it again so that I have my bank feeds on the left and then I'm going to put my invoice on the right tab let's go to the left let's locate where the bank feeds are at which if you're in the business view is going to be in the bookkeeping information on the left hand side then we have the transactions up top banking if you're in the accounting view it would be under the banking up top and then in the banking tab up top so I'm going to close up the hamburger these are the transactions we pulled in from the bank in what I would call at this point bank feed limbo let's imagine that we found a transaction here that we're thinking it's going to be a revenue you know type of transaction so I'm going to go down and say okay let's say that I'm just going to imagine this transaction here is it's from Amazon but I'm going to imagine it was a customer that we build and then the money came through to our system on the bank feeds we got paid then this 8239 so let's kind of kind of reverse construct this and say okay what would happen if I made the invoice first and then this item basically cleared the bank so let's go to the first tab and say we would have to enter the invoice so I would go then to the plus button up top we would enter an invoice I'm going to make an invoice for that amount and you could do it in reverse order by the way this way because if you did it in reverse order like this you can actually put the items down here which gives you a little bit more tracking information so that could be used but we're going to imagine we're doing the invoice first in this case generally let's say this was customer for customer number four is the one we're on generic customer where's your imagination I don't I've just do it's customer for terms and then I'm going to say this is on let's say let's say this was on to one say to one to 2021 and then I'm going to say the product down here I'm going to make a new product so I'm just going to make it a service service item one so I have to have a service item if I'm going to make the invoice we're going to say this is what we're charging possibly billable hours or something like that I'm going to make it a service item that we are charging and then I can go down and say description I'll just say this is service item one and maybe I leave the price a blank and I just record it into service and then I record I'll record the amount manually and then is it subject to sales tax I'm going to say no I'm going to try to say no it's not subject to sales tax sometimes quick book can be a little tricky on this one I say it's not taxable not taxable so I'm setting up the item as we go service item not subject to sales tax so I'm going to say okay and then we're going to say the rate was how much was it again it was eighty two it was eighty two thirty nine eight two three nine eight two three point three nine point three nine you need the decimal it's not the same if it doesn't have a decimal so what's this going to do is going to increase the accounts receivable the other side is going to go then to the to the income and it'll also have the sub-account tracking who we owe the money to by customer number four so I'm going to save it and close it save it and close it and we'll check it out let's go to the balance sheet to check it out running it run at and then I'm going to go down and go into the ARR the pirates favorite account are because pirates say are any case whatever what are you talking about there's the eighty two nine thirty nine there it is going back up top back to our report the other sides on the income statement going to the income statement let's refresh that run at run nine and then we're going to go into the services again and the revenue has most likely been recorded on an accrual basis accounts receivable is an accrual account there it is and we also have the sub-ledge let's open up another tab to make another report that'll be fun let's make let's duplicate this tab right click and duplicate it again and we're going to open up another report by going to the left hand side over here and I'm going to close up the I'm going to go into the reports on the left hand side close up the handbook and then I'm going to say this is going to be some kind of customer report let's call it a customer balance details to the customer balance detailed report shall we and so here we see there's there's the invoice for this eighty two thirty nine this is what we would need to track the customer we can also track the customer let's go to the second tab by going into the get paid pay area for example going into the customer section and I close the hamburger and I might be able to say yeah there's the money that is owed to us by customer number four if you were in by the way the accounting view that would be under the sales tab and then customers up top back to the business view you could go into that customer and I can see there's the invoice the next thing I would expect is to get paid matching that invoice out to a received payment but we're going to imagine we don't do that and wait till it clears the bank to record the receipt of the payment and we're going to do that by then going to the first tab and we'll imagine that this is the item that has now cleared the bank now because you're going from an invoice to the deposit that actually cleared the bank it might not recognize it as easily that would be something that would be a little bit more difficult using this method because all the quick books really has to recognize this is the dollar amounts going to be the same because the date could be substantially different so you might have to go in there we could say is it possible for me then to match this transaction going to the match tab to to the invoice that has been generated and you might have to refresh the screen by the way to to make sure it's picking up that new transaction so now I said I want to see all the transactions and then I went over and said we want to have that first trend for the date range is included and there's the transaction down below so it's the same dollar amount I'm going to say that's the one we want to match it to so we're going to pick that up and so there it is and so then I could show that item I can add it there so I'm going to go ahead and save it so we matched it out and so now it recorded that transaction now let's see what it did if I go to the tab to the right which is the customer tab now and I look at the customer detail let's go ahead and refresh it I'm going to refresh the screen and you can see it added the item down below I'm going to close the hamburger and close this one you can see that it made the payment down below so it made a payment type of form you can see that the invoice has now been marked off as paid and the payment is connected to it so it did what we would want it to do when we're kind of tracking this information on the customer side of things if I go into the invoice there's the invoice marked as paid I can go to the payment that has now been made for it so that looks like what we would want it to do now the question is did it do this in two steps or one step because note you could have the invoice then the received payment often goes into undeposited funds and then takes it out of undeposited funds and puts it into the checking account or you could put it directly into the checking account with this received payment form that we just saw there however it's a little kind of confusing when you do that because then usually you have your increases to the checking account with a deposit form in that case you're going to have received payment type forms which are going to show an increase so in other words if I went into this payment again did they deposit it directly into the checking account or did they take it to the undeposited funds they put it directly into the checking account here and when I say undeposited funds I really mean payment to deposit account because it used to be called undeposited funds and they've updated it in the latest version to a new name because I don't know it's cooler or something but in any case so if I go back on over I'm going to go into the checking account let's go ahead and run this again so it so it changes so we're going to go into the checking account and hold down control and scroll back down and say all right where was that where was that transaction customer number four that we had maybe I should maybe I should customize it and filter that might make it easier by the name which was customer numero quattro and so there we have it so there's the payment so if I go into that form it's going to take me into the and notice it it has an increase to the checking account not with a deposit but with a payment form which is a little bit unusual not you know nothing to worry about but it's a little you know you have to make sure you take it that in the consideration when you're looking at your increases to the checking account if you're sorting by type and there it is there's the received payment form closing this back out scrolling back up going going back on over to our balance sheet the other side is in the a to the r accounts receivable which went back down recorded there so if I go into that there it's going back down that looks good if I go back then to my report if I went to my sub ledge my sub ledge go into the tap to the right and run in that again we've got it's gone because I don't see the detail I could go to the customized up top and say I want to see the detail filter options here and then say that said I'd like to see the amount paid all the stuff all the stuff and then run it so now we could see customer number four there's the invoice there's the payment that we have linked up so that's one one thing one way you could fit the bank feeds in so if I go back to our flow chart here we basically said okay it's possible to create an invoice billing people and then wait till they just pay us electronically wait till it clears the bank which in essence is kind of like a deposit but we're actually going to record and receive payment and then when it clears the bank match it up to the invoice however we got to be careful with that because all the system has to do that matching up is is basically the amounts we have to manually match it up but it's possible then to do that use the bank fees then to match up to the invoice the next time we could think about okay well what if I have the invoice and then I have the receive payment and then I can match the deposit up to the receive payment or I could do the whole process we'll talk about those options in future presentations


QuickBooks Online 2024. Help and support options. Get ready and clear your mind because we don't overanalyze. We Intuit. With Intuits. QuickBooks Online. Here we are in our browser searching for QuickBooks Online Test Drive looking for the result that has Intuit.com in the URL, Intuit being the owner of QuickBooks selecting the United States version of the software and verifying that we're not a robot. Opening up our major financial statement reports like we do every time. The reports on the left hand side were in the favorite reports. We're going to be right clicking on the balance sheet to open link in new tab. Right click the profit and loss to open the link in a new tab. Going up to that middle tab up top to close the hamburger. There's our balance sheet. I'll do a range change up top. Bringing it back to<PHONE_NUMBER> tab. 123123 tab. Run it to refresh it. Tab into the right. There's our profit and loss. Closing the hamburger. We're going to range change it from 010123 tab. 123123 tab. Running to refresh it. First a word from our sponsor. Yeah, actually, we're sponsoring ourselves on this one because apparently the merchandisers, they don't want to be seen with us. But but that's okay. Whatever.  Anyways, like this CPA thinking cap, for example, CPA thinking C A P. You see what we did with like with the letters and this CPA thinking cap is not just for CPAs either. Anyone can and should have at least one possibly multiple CPA thinking caps. Why? Because based on our scientific survey of five people, all of whom directly profit from the sale of these CPA thinking caps wearing this CPA thinking cap without a doubt, according to the survey, increases accounting productivity 10 fold. Yeah, at least apparently the hat actually channels like accounting energy from the quantum field ether directly into your head, allowing you to navigate spreadsheets faster. It's kind of like how in like the matrix when Neo learns kung fu or at least that's what the scientific survey saying. So get one because the scientific survey participants could really use some extra cash. If you would like a commercial free experience, consider subscribing to our website at accounting instruction dot com or accounting instruction dot think of it dot com income statement or profit and loss back to the first tab. That's the setup process we do every time data input on the first tab looking at the results to the tabs to the rights in the financial statements. We now want to look at the help options available to us with the QuickBooks online. So there's a few different resources that we could have one. We could go to the website, of course, we'll take a look at that in more detail shortly. But the owner of QuickBooks is into it.com. I find that to be the easy place to start. If you want to go to the website, we have the help option within the QuickBooks software here, which gives us a search field, which is nice. And then of course, we have other resources that we can find out there, such as on like a YouTube search or Google search or any other kind of browser search. Because QuickBooks is one of the most popular softwares for small to mid sized businesses. There's probably way more material that are provided even outside of the owner of QuickBooks outside of into it than any other type of software. So that's quite useful because it allows us to look up those resources. The question then, because we have all these resources will often become, well, where should I go first, given the fact that I have all these options? And I believe that will depend upon the type of question that you have. So for example, if you're talking about a technical type of question, something's loading up slowly or you have a billing question, or you're trying to level up from one version of the software to maybe a higher level of the version of the software. Well, those are technical issues where you might not need so much an accountant or bookkeeper, although they might know some of that stuff as well. But you might want to go to into it directly to ask them about those questions that are account related or technical issues with the software that doesn't seem to be running properly or something like that. So you might go to into it supports directly. If you have a bookkeeping type of question, then you one area you might go the first thing you might think about going to is going to be if you have a tax preparer or bookkeeper that you are working with possibly a CPA firm. So if you're small to midsize business, possibly you're doing your own bookkeeping, but maybe you're at least giving your information to the CPA firm or your tax preparer at the end of the year so they can prepare your taxes. If they are knowledgeable in accounting, then they probably have some experience in bookkeeping as well. And I mean, the bookkeeping software that's most prevalent is once again, the QuickBooks software. So you want to possibly keep them in the loop, even if they're not the first person you go to. In other words, even if you use some of these other resources, if you talk to the QuickBooks support online, or if you go to the YouTube's out there and you look something up or just do a Google search, or if you look for a bookkeeping professional, if your primary goal is for tax preparation, say it would be in the United States and or external reporting that you get the help from a CPA firm or tax preparer at the end of the year to do, then you want to keep them in the loop on any kind of accounting relating to issues that might come up. So that's the general idea. Is it a technical issue? In which case, it might be easier to go to QuickBooks directly. Is it a bookkeeping issue? In which case, the QuickBooks support might not be as useful. It might be easier to go to like your accountant or a bookkeeping professional.  So the first place we would probably go then if we had any kind of question would be like the help item up top. So if I select the help item, then on the left hand side, we have the assistant. So it might be more and more the case where you could possibly get some help directly speaking with someone that would be dependent upon the plan that you have, what type of QuickBooks support that you have within it. But remember, even if you have support from someone within into it within QuickBooks, they might not be as good in terms of your bookkeeping support. If you have a question about a transaction as like a bookkeeper, someone who is a bookkeeper first and a QuickBooks, you know, specialist second, possibly. And again, you'd also want to talk to your accountant that is in the loop so that you're doing something in accordance with your tax preparation and what not. And then you have your search field. So clearly the search field, whatever your topic would be if it was like payroll, you can type it in. And you've got your search field in here, which will give you the resources and possibly some video resources here as well. So that's the general process similar to search fields that you're probably familiar with to search it internally. So I'm going to close that out. Now you also have the My Expert up here that might be dependent on the level of plan in terms of how much internal support you might have. Now let's go to the Intuit website. So if I go into Intuit.com, if you want to look at the source, the people that made the software into Intuit is the owner of QuickBooks, they have different softwares up top, I would then go into the QuickBooks here. I usually like going all the way to the bottom of the page now even, and then going making sure I'm in the QuickBooks site directly under the products, which is this bottom of the page has been the same for a long time. And then I'm going to go into the QuickBooks online. So I know that I'm in the online here. If I scroll down to the plans that we talked about before, you've got the simple start, the essentials, the plus, and the advanced, you could take a look at the differences between the bookkeeping support that you might have. If you had the assisted bookkeeper turned on, then you know, that's going to be an add on feature $50 per month. Get assistance during doing your books. Our QuickBooks certified bookkeepers are here to help you with automating QuickBooks based on your business deed, categorizing transactions and recognizing accounts correctly, reviewing key business reports, ensuring you stay on track for tax time. So they're going to be more of a bookkeeping professional that is good at, you would think, QuickBooks possibly have some kind of QuickBooks certification as well and training. That would be great. But once again, if you're talking to another bookkeeper that is separate from your tax preparer and your financial accountant for year in preparation, you just want to make sure that they're lined up and in the loop with your tax preparer and whatnot so that everything's, you know, on board. Everyone's on board and on the same page is what I'm trying to say. Now you could have some different kind of plans with the payroll as well. Payroll is its own kind of system. So you might have some different levels of support if you purchase the payroll and you want to think about that in some detail as well because payroll, even with a few employees, can get quite complicated. And then up top, you've got the learn and support features up top which are broken out to Y QuickBooks, blog, support, and the free tools. So you've got the Y QuickBooks, explore new features. So if you go into here, you've got the new features, one place to streamline, bill pay, and so on. If I go back in here again and we say compare to others, add apps and integrations. So you can look into those. Try a demo. That's the demo.  And then we've got the support for getting started. Hold on a second here. What happened? Support for getting started, support topics, training, community resources, and see more. Let's check that out. If we go into here, so you've got the QuickBooks support, find bookkeepers helps articles, community discussions with other QuickBooks users, video tutorials, and more. And so you can search for those items here, select a product below, helps us to customize your experience, recommended help for QuickBooks, recommend for your business because you own QuickBooks online. And then you can browse the common topics, account management, advanced accounting, banking, and so on. So some of these browse tools will probably be similar to the help menu search area. But sometimes it's easier to search in a website than that little search field within the search page. So this is another area that we could go. I'm going to go back. And then you've got the free tools, invoice generator, sales tax calculator, paycheck calculator, timesheet calculator, balance sheet template, income statement template, and invoice templates. So there's, you know, the other, another resource you can go if you want to go to the source. And so we have that. And then if you're going to to other things outside of into it for help, again, QuickBooks very popular. So if you're looking on on a YouTube search or on just a Google search or browser search, you'll find a lot of results and you might find kind of what you're looking for for general support, more likely to at least with QuickBooks than many other softwares. And so that can be a useful that could be a useful tool as well. You just got to be careful that you're one, you're using the QuickBooks online version, as opposed to the desktop version, they're very different and look and feel. And two, that the QuickBooks software actually changes a lot from period to period, not in terms of the underlying double entry accounting system, of course, because that's going to be the same for any software that uses the double entry accounting system. But with regards to the look and the feel. So if you look at a QuickBooks software presentation, from like five years ago, it's possible that the look and feel is different. And of course, QuickBooks online is changing and adding features more possibly than you might be used to if you're using other software, like if you're used to the QuickBooks desktop QuickBooks online has has more changes, although again, the underlying fundamentals are going to be basically be the same. So when you're using outside resources, you want to think how old is this resource that I'm looking at? And am I sure that I'm looking at the proper software being QuickBooks online, rather than QuickBooks desktop. And then also, you probably want to make sure that you're double checking anything that you get from someone outside of into it to see if it's correct, because there are stuff out there. I've seen a lot of YouTube videos and stuff that make claims that aren't actually true, right? They have some nugget of truth, but then they kind of go in a wrong direction or something. So you want to trust the people that you're looking up or triangulate and check a few different sources to see if they're saying the same thing. And then again, run it by your accountant if you have the capacity to do that, to verify that the system you're thinking of makes sense for whatever question you have. Now also remember that when you do discuss things with your accountant, or if you have a bookkeeper and professional, right, you would like them to actually see your accounting. It used to be that at the end of the year, we'd have to do our taxes and stuff by actually printing out financial statements, balance sheet and an income statement, typically giving it to the tax preparer, they enter it and ask questions. But now you can usually give them access to the software itself. So that's going to be another source of support. So if you go into the my accountant on the left hand side, you have this here and accountant can be your best business partner, make it easy to work together, invite yours to your QuickBooks. So you can invite your accountant here. And if you wanted to hire a QuickBooks professional, you can find a pro to help you with here, you got your location, service provided industry and so on. So this is a neat tool because QuickBooks provides some kind of training and verification that the people that you're contacting here have some background in specifically QuickBooks. Whereas if you just hire a bookkeeper outside of their system, then you might find some good ones, but they might not be QuickBooks, you know, certified or whatever. So so there you can have a debate in terms of how valuable that QuickBooks certification is. But at least you have some, you generally have some idea that that they're affiliated, they're being recommended by into it, the owner of QuickBooks. So that's, that's nice. And if you are a bookkeeper, then this might be a way to generate, obviously, more clients once you get good with your accounting to see if you, if you can get, be an advisor that can be recommended through basically into it. But remember also that this advisor, even if you want to hire a bookkeeper and not do it yourself, might not be the same person that you're doing your taxes with. So if you're hiring someone to do your bookkeeping, the question is, do I want to hire one person that's going to help me out with my bookkeeping and my taxes, which means I might be working with a CPA firm of some kind. So this because the CPA firm might have different departments, one doing taxes, one doing the bookkeeping, or do I want to hire my own bookkeeper, which could possibly help and work with my CPA firm, my tax preparer, or something like that. If you hire someone, your own bookkeeper, you want to keep the CPA firm or the tax preparer in the loop. Now when you, when you add the the accountant here as well, if I go to my cog up top, the other way you can go into your users is under the company settings. And you've got manage users, which we looked to bet we looked at a little bit in a prior presentation, noting that the your personal users are how many people that you can have logged into the software and working on it. And I don't believe the accountant actually counts as one of those users. That's one of the things that possibly would require you to level up your software to pay more. So you got more users using it. But I think you can add your accountant here. And it's going to show up on this side. It's not here because we're in the sample. And you'll be able to give this information to your accountant. So hopefully if they have any questions about your books, they don't have to ask you to drill down on it, they can actually look into the and drill down on the financial statements themselves to hopefully find what it is they need to do whatever they need to do such as tax preparation and possible external financial statement report reporting of some kind. So bottom line help options to two categories, is this something that's technical or something related to your billing and whatnot? Or is it going to be a bookkeeping related question? If it's technical, then you're probably good to go to the QuickBooks support of some kind to see if you could solve any kind of technical issue or billing issue and whatnot. Although again, you might still want to go to your accountant. If you have one that you can go to even in those situations, if it's a bookkeeping issue, you have a whole lot of resources that you can go to, like YouTube, Intuit support, the search field here, Intuit advisors if you want to look into that. But any of those methods that you use, you want to keep your accountant in the loop. And you're probably going to start with the good old help button up top to get to get your search, you know, on the way. That's probably the first place to go internally and then expand your search from there.