Part 2 Chapter 11 of The Secret City this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Rita Boutros The Secret City by Hugh Walpole. Part 2 Chapter 11 I realize that the moment has come in my tail when the whole interest of my narrative centers in Markovitch. Markovitch is really the point of all my story as I have throughout subconsciously recognized. The events of that wonderful Tuesday when for a brief instant the Son of Freedom really did seem to all of us to break through the clouds that one day in all our lives when hopes dreams utopias fairy tales seemed to be sober and realistic fact those events might be seen through the eyes of any of us Vera Nina Grogov Semyonov Lawrence Bowen and I all shared in them and all had our sensations and experiences but my own were drab and ordinary enough and from the others I had no account so full and personal and true as from Markovitch he told me all about that great day afterwards only a short time before that catastrophe that overwhelmed us all and in his account there was all the growing suspicion and horror of disillusion that after events fostered in him but as he told me sitting through the purple hours of the night watching the light break in ripples and circles of color over the sea he regained some of the splendors of that great day and before he had finished his tail he was right back in that fantastic world that had burst at the touch like bubbles in the Sun I will give his account as accurately as possible in his own words I seldom interrupted him and I think he soon forgot that I was there he had come to me that night in a panic for reasons which will be given later and I in trying to reassure him had reminded him of that day when the world was suddenly utopia that did exist that world I said and once having existed it cannot now be dead believe believe that it will come back come back he shook his head even if it is still there I cannot go back to it I will tell you Ivan Andreovitch what that day was and why now I am so bitterly punished for having believed in it listen what happened to me it occurred all of it exactly as I tell you you know that just at that time I had been worrying very much about Vera the revolution had come I suppose very suddenly to everyone but truly to myself because I had been thinking of Vera it was like a thunderclap it's always been my trouble Ivan Andreovitch that I can't think of more than one thing at once and the worry of it has been that in my life there has been almost invariably more than one thing that I ought to think of I would think of my invention you know that I ought to get on with it a little faster because really it was making a sort of cloth out of bark that I was working at as every day passed I could see more and more clearly that there was a great deal in this particular invention and that it only needed real application to bring it properly forward only application as you know is my trouble if I could only shut my brain up he told me then I remember a lot about his early childhood and then the struggle that he had had to see one thing at once and not two or three things that got in the way and hindered him from doing anything he went on about Vera you know that one night I had crept up into your room and looked to see whether there were possibly a letter there that was a disgraceful thing to do wasn't it but I felt then that I had to satisfy myself I wonder whether I can make you understand it wasn't jealousy exactly because I had never felt that I had had any very strong right over Vera considering the way that she had married me but I don't think I ever loved her more than I did during those weeks and she was unattainable I was lonely Ivan Andrejovic that's the truth everything seemed to be slipping away from me and in some way Alexei Petrovich Semyonov seemed to accentuate that he was always reminding me of one day or another when I had been happy with Vera long ago some silly little expedition we had taken or he was doubtful about my experiments being any good or he would recall what I had felt about Russia at the beginning of the war all in a very kindly way mind you he was more friendly than he had ever been and seemed to be all together softer-hearted but he made me think a great deal about Vera he talked often so much he thought that I ought to look after her more and I explained that that wasn't my right the truth is that ever since Nina's birthday party I had been anxious I knew really that everything was right Vera is of course the soul of honor but something had occurred then which made me well well that doesn't matter now the only point is that I was thinking of Vera a great deal and wondering how I could make her happy she wasn't happy I don't know how it was but during those weeks just before the revolution we were none of us happy we were all uneasy as though we expected something were going to happen and we were all suspicious I only tell you this because then you will see why it was that the revolution broke upon me with such surprise I had been right inside myself talking to nobody wanting nobody to talk to me I get like that sometimes when words seem to mean so much that it seems dangerous to throw them about and perhaps it is but silence is dangerous too everything is dangerous if you are unlucky by nature I had been indoors all that Monday working at my invention and thinking about Vera wondering whether I'd speak to her then afraid of my temper I have a bad temper wanting to know what was the truth thinking at one moment that if she cared for someone else that I'd go away and then suddenly angry and jealous wishing to challenge him but I am a ludicrous figure to challenge anyone as I very well know Semyonov had been to see me that morning and he had just sat there without saying anything I couldn't endure that very long so I asked him what he came for and he said oh nothing I felt as though he was spying and I became uneasy why should he come so often now and I was beginning to think of him when he wasn't there it was as though he thought he had a right over all of us and that irritated me well that was Monday they all came late in the afternoon and told me all the news they had been at the Astoria the whole town seemed to be in revolt so they said but even then I didn't realize it I was thinking of Vera just the same I looked at her all the evening just as Semyonov had looked at me and didn't say anything I never wanted her so badly before I made her sleep with me all that night she hadn't done that for a long time and I woke up early in the morning to hear her crying softly to herself she never used to cry she was so proud I put my arms round her and she stopped crying and lay quite still it wasn't fair what I did but I felt as though Alexei Petrovich had challenged me to do it he always hated Vera I knew I got up very early and went to my wood you can imagine I wasn't very happy then suddenly I thought I'd go out into the streets and see what was happening I couldn't believe really that there had been any change so I went out do you know of recent years I've walked out very seldom what was it a kind of shyness I knew when I was in my own house and I knew whom I was with then I was never a man who cared greatly about exercise and there was no one outside whom I wanted very much to see so when I went out that morning it was as though I didn't know Petrograd at all and had only just arrived there I went over the Ekateringovsky bridge through the square and to the left down the Sarovaya of course the first thing that I noticed was that there were no trams and that there were multitudes of people walking along and that they were all poor people and all happy and I was glad when I saw that of course I'm a fool and life can't be as I wanted but that's always what I had thought life ought to be all the streets filled with poor people all free and happy and here they were with the snow crisp under their feet and the sun shining and the air quite still so that all the talk came up and up into the sky like a song but of course they were bewildered as well as happy they didn't know where to go they didn't know what to do like birds let out suddenly from their cages I didn't know myself that's what sudden freedom does takes your breath away so that you go staggering along and get caught again if you're not careful no trams no policemen no carriages filled with proud people cursing you oh Ivan Andreevich I'd be proud myself if I had money and servants to put on my clothes and new women every night and different food every day I don't blame them but suddenly proud people were gone and I was crying without knowing it simply because that great crowd of poor people went pushing along all talking under the sunny sky as freely as they pleased I began to look about me I saw that there were papers posted on the walls they were those proclamations you know of Rodzienko's new government saying that while everything was unsettled Miliukov Rodzienko and the others would take charge in order to keep order and discipline it seemed to me that there was little need to talk about discipline had beggars appeared there in the road I believed that the crowd would have stripped off their clothes and given them rather than that they should want I stood by one proclamation and read it out to the little crowd they repeated the names to themselves but they did not seem to care much the Tsar's wicked they tell me said one man to me and all our troubles come from him it doesn't matter said another there'll be plenty of bread now and indeed what did names matter now I couldn't believe my eyes or my ears Ivan Andreevich it looked too much like paradise and I'd been deceived so often I determined to be very cautious you've been taken in Nikolai Leontovich many many times don't you believe this but I couldn't help feeling that if only this world would continue if only the people could always be free and happy and the sun could shine perhaps the rest of the world would see its folly and the war would stop and to never begin again this thought would grow in my mind as I walked although I refuse to encourage it motor loris covered with soldiers came dashing down the street the soldiers had their guns pointed but the crowd cheered and cheered waving hands and shouting I shouted too the tears were streaming down my face I couldn't help myself I wanted to hold the sun and the snow and the people all in my arms fixed so that it should never change and the world should see how good and innocent life could be on every side people had asked what had really happened and of course no one knew but it did not matter everyone was so simple a soldier standing beside one of the placards was shouting tovris g what we must have is a splendid republic and a good czar to look after it and they all cheered him and laughed and sang I turned up one of the side streets onto the fontanca and here I saw them emptying the rooms of one of the police that was amusing I laughed still when I think of it sending everything out of the windows under clothes ladies bonnets chairs books flower pots pictures and then all the records white and yellow and pink paper all fluttering in the sun like so many butterflies the crowd was perfectly peaceful in an excellent temper isn't that wonderful when you think that for months those people had been starved and driven waiting all night in the street for a piece of bread and that now all discipline was removed no more policemen except those hiding for their lives and houses and yet they did nothing they touched no one's property did no man any harm people say now that it was their apathy that they were taken by surprise that they were like animals who did not know where to go but I tell you Ivan Andreevich that it was not so I tell you that it was because just for an hour the soul could come up from its dark waters and breathe the sun and the light and see that all was good oh why cannot that day return why cannot that day return he broke off and looked at me like a distracted child his brows puckered his hands beating the air I did not say anything I wanted him to forget that I was there he went on I could not be there all day I thought that I would go on to the Duma I flowed on with the crowd we were a great river swinging without knowing why in one direction and only interrupted once and again by the motor lorries that rattled along the soldiers shouting to us and waving their rifles and we replying with cheers I heard no firing that morning at all they said in the crowd that many thousands had been killed last night it seemed that on the roof of nearly every house in petrograd there was a policeman with a machine gun but we marched along without fear singing and all the time the joy in my heart was rising rising and I was checking it telling myself that in a moment I would be disappointed that I would soon be tricked as I had been so often tricked before but I couldn't help my joy which was stronger than myself it must have been early afternoon so long as I had been on the road when I came at last to the Duma you saw yourself Ivan Andreevich that all that week the crowd outside the Duma was truly a sea of people with the motor lorries that bristled with rifles for sea monsters and the gun carriages for ships and such a babble everyone talking at once and nobody listening to anyone I don't know now how I pushed through into the court but at last I was inside and found myself crushed up against the doors of the palace by a mob of soldiers and students here there was a kind of hush when the door of the palace opened there was a little sigh of interest at intervals armed guards marched up with some wretched pale dirty gorodovoy whom they had taken prisoner Nicholas Markovich paused again and again he had been looking out to the sea over whose purple shadows the sky pale green and studded with silver stars seemed to wave magic shuttles of light to and fro backwards and forwards you don't mind all these details Ivan Andreevich I am trying to discover for my own sake all the details that led me to my final experience I want to trace the chain link by link nothing is unimportant I assured him that I was absorbed by his story and indeed I was that little uncouth lost and desolate man was the most genuine human being whom I had ever known that quality above all others stood forth in him he had his secret as all men have their secret the key to their pursuit of their own immortality but Markovich's secret was a real one something that he faced with real bravery real pride and real dignity and when he saw what the issue of his conduct must be he would I knew face it without flinching he went on but looking at me now rather than the sea looking at me with his grave melancholy angry eyes after one of these convoys of prisoners the door remained for a moment open and I seeing my chance slipped in after the guards here I was then in the very heart of the revolution but still you know Ivan Andreevich I couldn't properly seize the fact I couldn't grasp the truth that all this was really occurring and that it wasn't just a play a pretense or a dream yes a dream especially a dream perhaps after all that was what it was the circular hall was piled high with machine guns bags of flour and provisions of all kinds there were some armed soldiers of course and women and beside the machine guns the floor was strewn with cigarette ends and empty tins and papers and bags and cardboard boxes and even broken bottles dirt and desolation I remember that it was then when I looked at that floor that the first little suspicion stolen to my heart not a suspicion so much as an uneasiness I wanted at once myself to set to work to clean up all the mess with my own hands I didn't like to see it there and no one caring whether it was there or no in the Catherine Hall into which I peered there was a vast mob and this huge mass of men stirred and coiled and uncoiled like some huge anteep many of them as I watched suddenly turned into the outer hall men jumped onto chairs and boxes and balustrades and soon all over the place there were speakers some shouting some shrieking some with tears rolling down their cheeks some swearing some whispering as though to themselves and all the regiments came pouring in from the station tumbling in like puppies or babies with pieces of red cloth tied to their rifles some singing some laughing some dumb with amazement thicker and thicker and thicker standing round the speakers with their mouths open and their eyes wide pushing and jostling but good naturedly like young dogs everywhere you know men were forming committees for social right for a just peace for women's suffrage for Finnish independence for literature in the arts for the better treatment of prostitutes for education for the just division of the land I had crept into my corner and soon as the soldiers came thicker and thicker the noise grew more and more deafening the dust floated in hazy clouds the men had their kettles and they boiled tea squatting down there sometimes little processions pushed their way through soldiers shouting and laughing with some white-faced policemen in their midst once I saw an old man his shuba about his ears stumbling with his eyes wide open and staring as though he were sleepwalking that was Sturmer being brought to judgment once I saw a man so terrified that he couldn't move but must be prodded along by the rifles of the soldiers that was Petiram and the shouting and screaming rose and rose like a flood once Rodzienko came in and began shouting tovarisci tovarisci but his voice soon gave away and he went back into the cell Catherine again the socialists had it their way there were so many and their voices were so fresh and the soldiers like to listen to them land for everybody they shouted and bread and peace hurrah hurrah cried the soldiers that's all very well said a huge man near me but Nicholas is coming and tomorrow he will eat us all up but no one seemed to care there were all mad and I was mad too it was the drunkenness of dust it got in our heads and our brains we all shouted I began to shout too although I didn't know what it was that I was shouting a grimy soldier caught me around the neck and kissed me land for everybody he cried have some tea tovarisci and I shared his tea with him then through the dust and noise I suddenly saw Boris Grogov that was an astonishing thing you see I had dissociated all this from my private life I had even during these last hours forgotten Vera perhaps for the very first moment since I met her she had seemed to have no share in this and then suddenly the figure of Boris showed me that one's private life is always with one that it is a secret city in which one must always live and whose gates one will never pass through whatever may be going on in the world outside but Grogov what a change you know I had always patronized him Ivan Andreevich it had seemed to me that he was only a boy with a boy's crude ideas you know his fresh face with the way that he used to push back his hair from his forehead and shout his ideas he never considered anyone's feelings he was a complete egoist and a man it seemed to me of no importance but now he stood on a bench and had around him a large crowd of soldiers he was shouting in just his old way that he used in the English prospect but he seemed to have grown in the meantime into a man he did not seem afraid anymore I saw that he had power over the men to whom he was speaking I couldn't hear what he said but through the dust and heat he seemed to grow and grow until it was only him whom I saw there he will carry off Nina was my next thought ludicrous there at such a time in such a crowd but it is exactly like that that life shifts and shifts until it has formed a pattern I was frightened by Grogov I could not believe that the new freedom the new Russia the new world would be made by such men he waved his arms he pushed back his hair the men shouted Grogov was triumphant the new world novia jesna novia jesna new life I heard him shout the sun before it set flooded the hall with light what a scene through the dust the red flags the women and the soldiers and the shouting I was suddenly dismayed how can order come out of this I thought they are all mad terrible things are going to happen I was dirty and tired and exhausted I fought my way through the mob found the door for a moment I looked back to that sea of men lit by the last light of the sun then I pushed out was thrown it seemed to me from man to man and was at last in the air quiet fires burning in the courtyard a sky of the palace blue a few stars and the people singing the morseyes it was like drinking great drafts of cold water after an intolerable thirst hasn't Chekov said somewhere that Russians have nostalgia but no patriotism that was never true of me can't remember how young I was when I remember my father talking to me about the idea of Russia I've told you that he was by any kind of standard a bad man he had I think no redeeming points at all but he had all the same that sense of Russia I don't suppose that he put it to any practical use or that he even tried to teach it to his pupils but it would suddenly seize him and he would let himself go and for an hour he would be a fine master of words and what Russia is ever more than that at the end he spoke to me and gave me a picture of a world inside a world and this inside world was complete in itself it had everything in it beauty wealth force power it could be anything it could do anything but it was held by an evil enchantment as though a wicked magician had it in thrall and everything slept as in Tchaikovsky's ballet but one day he told me the prince would come and kill the enchanter and this great world would come into its own I remember that I was so excited that I couldn't bear to wait but prayed that I might be allowed to go out and find the enchanter but my father laughed and said that there were no enchanter now and then I cried all the same I never lost my hope I talked to people about Russia but it was never Russia itself they seemed to care for it was women or drink or perhaps freedom and socialism or perhaps some part of Russia Siberia or the Caucasus but my world they none of them believed in it didn't exist they said it was simply my imagination that had painted it and they laughed at me and said it was held together by the lashes of the knot and when those went Russia would go too as I grew up some of them thought that I was revolutionary and they tried to make me join their clubs and societies but those were no use to me they couldn't give me what I wanted they wanted to destroy to assassinate someone or to blow up a building they had no thought beyond destruction and that to me seemed only the first step and they never think of Russia our revolutionaries you will have noticed that yourself Ivan Andreevich nothing so small and trivial as Russia it must be the whole world or nothing at all democracy freedom the brotherhood of man oh the terrible harm that words have done to Russia had the Russians of the last 50 years been born without the gift of speech we would be now the greatest people on the earth but I loved Russia from end to end the farthest villages in Siberia the remotest hut beyond archangel from the shops in the Sadovaya to the Lavra at Kiev from the little villages on the bank of the Volga to the woods around Darnopol all all one country one people one world within a world the old man to whom I was secretary discovered this secret hope of mine I talked one night when I was drunk and told him everything I mentioned even the enchanter and the sleeping beauty how he laughed at me he would never leave me alone Nikolai Leon Tevich believes in holy Russia he would say not so much holy you understand as bewitched a fairy garden ladies with a sleeping beauty in the middle of it dear me Nikolai Leon Tevich no wonder you are heart-free how I hated him and his yellow face and his ugly stomach I would have stamped on it with delight but that made me shy I was afraid to speak of it to anyone and I kept to myself then Vera came and she didn't laugh at me the two ideas grew together in my head Vera and Russia the two things in my life by which I stood because man must have something in life round which he may nestle as a cat curls up by the fire but even Vera did not seem to care for Russia as Russia what can Siberia be to me she would say why Nicholas it is no more than China but it was more than China when I looked at it on the map I recognized it as though it were my own country then the war came and I thought the desire of my heart was fulfilled at last men talked about Russia as though she truly existed for a moment all Russia was united all classes rich and poor high and low men were patriotic together as though one heart beat through all the land but only for a moment divisions came and quickly things were worse than before there came tannenberg and afterwards Warsaw all was lost Russia was betrayed and I was a sentimental fool you know yourself how cynical even the most sentimental russians are that is because if you stick to facts you know where you are but ideas are always betraying you life simply isn't long enough to test them that's all and man is certainly not a patient animal at first I watched the war going from bad to worse and then I shut myself in and refused to look any longer I thought only of Vera and my work I would make a great discovery and be rich and then Vera at last would love me idiot as though I had not known that Vera would not love for that kind of reason I determined that I would think no more of Russia that I would be a man of no country then during those last weeks before the revolution I began to be suspicious of Vera and to watch her I did things of which I was ashamed and then I despised myself for being ashamed I am a man I can do what I wish even though I am imprisoned I am free I am my own master and all the same to be a spy is a mean thing Ivan Andreevich you Englishman although you are stupid you are not mean it was that day when your young friend Bowen found me looking in your room for letters that in spite of myself I was ashamed he looked at me in a sort of way as though down to his very soul he was astonished at what I had done well why should I mind that he should be astonished he was very young and all wrong in his ideas of life nevertheless that look of his influenced me I thought about it afterwards then came Alexey Petrovich I've told you already he was always hinting at something he was always there as though he were waiting for something to happen he hinted things about Vera it's strange Ivan Andreevich but there was a day just a week before the revolution when I was very nearly jumping up and striking him just to get rid of him so that he shouldn't be watching me why even when I wasn't there he but what's that got to do with my walk nothing perhaps all the same it was all these little things that made me when I walked out of the Duma that evening so queer you see I'd been getting desperate all that I had left was being taken from me and then suddenly this revolution had come and given me back Russia again I forgot Alexey Petrovich and your Englishman Lawrence and the failure of my work I remembered once again just as I had those first days of the war Vera and Russia there in the clear evening air I forgot all the talk there had been inside the Duma the mess and the noise and the dust I was suddenly happy again and excited and hopeful the enchanter had come after all and Russia was too awake ah what a wonderful evening that was you know that there have been times very very rare occasions in one's life when places that one knows well streets and houses so common and customaries to be like one's very skin are suddenly for a wonderful half hour places of magic the trees are gold the houses silver the bricks jeweled the pavement of amber or simply perhaps they are different a new country of new color and mystery when one is just in love or has won some prize or finished at last some difficult work Petrograd was like that to me that night I swear to you Ivana Andreevich I did not know where I was I seem now on looking back to have been in places that night magical places that by the morning had flown away I could not tell you where I went I know that I must have walked for miles I walked with a great many people who were all my brothers I had drunk nothing not even water and yet the effect on me was exactly as though I were drunk drunk with happiness Ivana Andreevich and with the possibility of all the things that might now be we many of us marched along singing the Marseillais I suppose there was firing I think in some of the streets because I can remember now on looking back that once or twice I heard a machine gun quite close to me and didn't care at all and even left not that I've ever cared for that bullets aren't the sort of things that frighten me there are other terrors all the same it was curious that we should all march along as though there were no danger and the peace of the world had come there were women with us quite a number of them I think and I believe some children I remember that some of the way I carried a child fast asleep in my arms how ludicrous it would be now if I of all men in the world carried a baby down the Nevsky but it was quite natural that night the town seemed to me blazing with light of course that it cannot have been there can only have been the stars and some bonfires and perhaps we stopped at the police courts which were crackling away I don't remember that but I know that somewhere there were clouds of golden sparks opening into the sky and mingling with the stars a wonderful sight flocks of golden birds and behind them a roar of sound like a torrent of water I know that most of the night I had one man especially for my companion I can see him quite clearly now although whether it is all my imagination or not I can't say certainly I've never seen him since and never will again he was a peasant a bigly made man very neatly and decently dressed in a workman's blouse and black trousers he had a long black beard and was grave and serious speaking very little but watching everything kindly our best type of peasant perhaps the type that will one day give Russia her real freedom one day a thousand years from now I don't know why it is that I can still see him so clearly because I can remember no one else of that night and even this fellow may have been my imagination but I think that as we walked along I talked to him about Russia and how the whole land now from Archangel to Vladiosdok might be free and be one great country of peace and plenty first in all the world it seemed to me that everyone was singing men and women and children we must at last have parted from most of the company I had come with my friend into the quieter streets of the city then it was that I suddenly smelled the sea you must have noticed how Petrograd is mixed up with the sea how suddenly where you never would expect it you see the mass of ships all clustered together against the sky I smelled the sea the wind blew fresh and strong and there we were on the banks of the Neva everywhere there was perfect silence the Neva lay tranquil bound under its ice the black hulks of the ships lay against the white shadows like sleeping animals the curve of the sky with its multitude of stars was infinite my friend embraced me and left me and I stayed alone so happy so sure of the peace of the world that I did what I had not done for years sent up a prayer of gratitude to God then with my head in my hands looking down at the mass of the ships feeling Petrograd behind me with its lights as though it were the city of God I burst into tears tears of happiness and joy and humble gratitude I have no memory of anything further end of part two chapter 11 part two chapter 12 section one of the secret city this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Rita Butros the secret city by Hugh Walpole part two chapter 12 first section so much for the way that one Russian saw it there were others for instance Vera I suppose that the motive of Vera's life was her pride quite early I should imagine she had adopted that as the sort of talisman that would save her from every kind of ill she told me once that when she was a little girl the story of the witch who lured two children into the wood and then roasted them in her oven had terrified her beyond all control and she would lie awake and shiver for hours because of it it became a symbol of life to her the forest was there and the oven and the witch and so clever and subtle was the witch that the only way to out with her was by pride then there was also her maternal tenderness it was through that that Markovich won her she had not of course loved him she had never pretended to herself that she had but she had seen that he wanted caring for and then having taken the decisive step her pride had come to her aid had shown her a glimpse of the witch waiting in the forest darkness and had proved to her that here was her great opportunity she had then with the easy superiority of a young girl ignorant of life dismissed love as of something that others might care for but that would in no case concern herself did love for a moment smile at her or beckon to her pride came to her and showed her Nina and Nicholas and that was enough but love knows its power he suddenly put forth his strength and Vera was utterly helpless far more helpless than a western girl with her conventional code and traditional training would have been Vera had no convention and no tradition she had only her pride and her maternal instinct and these for a time fought a battle for her then they suddenly deserted her I imagine that they really deserted her on the night of Nina's birthday party but she would not admit defeat so readily and fought on for a little on this eventful week when the world as we knew it was tumbling about our ears she had told herself that the only thing to which she must give a thought was her fixed loyalty to Nina and Nicholas she would not think of Lawrence she would not think of him and so resolving thought of him all the more by Wednesday morning her nerves were exhausted the excitements of this week came as a climax to many months of strain with the exception of her visit to the Astoria she had been out scarcely at all and although the view from her flat was peaceful enough she could imagine every kind of horror beyond the boundaries of the prospect and in every horror Lawrence figured there occurred that morning a strange little conversation between Vera, Semyonov, Nicholas Markovich and myself I arrived about 10 o'clock to see how they were and to hear the news I found Vera sitting quietly at the table sewing Markovich stood near to her his anxious eyes and trembling mouth perched on the top of his sharp peaky collar and his hands rubbing nervously one within another he was obviously in a state of very great excitement Semyonov sat opposite Vera leaning his thick body on his arms his eyes watching his knees and every once and again his firm pale hand stroking his beard when I joined them he said to me well Ivan Andreevich what's the latest news of your splendid revolution why my revolution I asked I felt in a special dislike this morning of his sneering eyes and his thick pale honey colored beard whoever it was he should be proud of it to see thousands of people who've been hungry for months wandering about as I've seen them this morning and none of them touching a thing it's stupendous Semyonov smiled but said nothing his smile irritated me oh of course you sneer at the whole thing Alexey Petrovich I said anything fine in human nature excites your contempt as I know of old I think that that was the first time that Vera had heard me speak to him in that way and she looked up at me with sudden surprise and I think gratitude Semyonov treated me with complete contempt he answered me slowly no Ivan Andreevich I don't wish to deprive you of any kind of happiness I wouldn't for worlds but do you know our people that's the question you haven't been here very long you came loaded up with romantic notions some of which you've discarded but only that you may pick up others I don't want to insult you at all but you simply don't know that the Christian virtues that you are admiring just now so extravagantly are simply cowardice and apathy wait a little wait a little and then tell me whether I've not been right there was a moment's pause like the hush before the storm and then Markovitch broke in upon us I can see and hear him now standing there behind Vera with his ridiculous collar and his anxious eyes the words simply pouring from him in a torrent his voice now rising into a shrill scream now sinking into a funny broken base like the growl of a young baby tiger and yet he was never ridiculous I've known other mortals and myself one of the foremost who under the impulse of some sudden anger enthusiasm or regret have been simply figures of fun Markovitch was never that he was like a dying man fighting for possession of the last plank I can't at this distance of time remember all that he said he talked a great deal about Russia while he spoke I noticed that he avoided Semyonov's eyes which never for a single instant left his face oh don't you see don't you see he cried Russia's chance has come back to her we can fight now a holy patriotic war we can fight not because we are told to by our masters but because we of our own free will wish to defend the soil of our sacred country our country no one has thought of Russia for the last two years we have thought only of ourselves our privations our losses but now now oh god the world may be set free again because Russia is at last free yes said Semyonov quietly his eyes covered Markovitch's face as a searchlight finds out the running figure of a man and who has spoken of Russia during the last few days Russia why I haven't heard the word mentioned once I may have been unlucky I don't know I've been out and about the streets a good deal I've listened to a great many conversations democracy yes and brotherhood and equality and fraternity and bread and land and peace and idleness but Russia not a sound it will come it will come Markovitch urged it must come you didn't walk Alexei as I did last night through the streets and see the people and hear their voices and see their faces oh I believe that at last that good has come to the world and happiness and peace and it is Russia who will lead the way thank god thank god even as he spoke some instinct in me urged me to try and prevent him I felt that Semyonov would not forget a word of this and would make his own use of it in the time to come I could see the purpose in Semyonov's eyes I almost called out to Nicholas look out look out just as though a man was standing behind him with a raised weapon you really mean this asked Semyonov of course I mean it cried Markovitch do I not sound as though I did I will remind you of it one day said Semyonov I saw that Markovitch was trembling with excitement from head to foot he sat down at the table near Vera and put one hand on the tablecloth to steady himself Vera suddenly covered his hand with hers as though she were protecting him his excitement seemed to stream away from him as though Semyonov were drawing it out of him he suddenly said you would like to take my happiness away from me if you could Alexei you don't want me to be happy what nonsense Semyonov said laughing only I like the truth I simply don't see the thing as you do I have my view of us Russians I have watched since the beginning of the war I think our people lazy and selfish think you must drive them with a whip to make them do anything I think they would be ideal under German rule which is what they'll get if their revolution lasts long enough that's all I saw that Markovitch wanted to reply but he was trembling so that he could not he said at last you leave me alone Alexei let me go my own way I have never tried to prevent you said Semyonov there was a moment silence then in quite another tone he remarked to me by the way Ivan Andreevich what about your friend Mr. Lawrence he's in a position of very considerable danger where he is with Wilderling they tell me Wilderling may be murdered at any moment some force stronger than my will drove me to look at Vera I saw that Nikolai Leonovitch also was looking at her she raised her eyes for an instant her lips moved as though she were going to speak then she looked down again at her sewing Semyonov watched us all oh he'll be all right I answered if anyone in the world can look after himself it's Lawrence that's all very well said Semyonov still looking at Markovitch but to be in Wilderling's company this week is a very unhealthy thing for anyone and that type of Englishman is not noted for cowardice I tell you that Lawrence can look after himself I insisted angrily Semyonov knew and Markovitch knew that I was speaking to Vera no one then said a word there was a long pause at last Semyonov saw fit to go I'm off to the Duma he said there's a split I believe and I want to hear whether it's true that the Tsars abdicated I believe you'd rather he hadn't Alexey Petrovitch Markovitch broke in fiercely he laughed at us all and said whose interests am I studying my own holy rushes yours when will you learn Nicholas my friend that I am a spectator not a participator Vera was alone during most of that day and even now after the time that had passed I cannot bear to think of what she suffered she realized quite definitely and now with no chance whatever of self-deception that she loved Lawrence with a force that no denial or sacrifice on her part could alter she told me afterwards that she walked up and down that room for hours telling herself again and again that she must not go and see whether he was safe she did not dare even to leave the room she felt that if she entered her bedroom the side of her hat and coat there would break down her resolution that if she went to the head of the stairs and listened she then might go farther and then farther again she knew quite well that to go to him now would mean complete surrender she had no illusions about that the whole of her body was quivering with desire for his embrace for the warm strength of his body for the kindness in his eyes and the compelling mastery of his hands she had never loved a man before but it seemed to her now that she had known all these sensations always and that she was now at last her real self and that the earlier Vera had been a ghost and what ghosts were Nina and Markovich she told me afterwards that on looking back this seemed to her the most horrible part of the horrible afternoon these two who had been for so many years the very center of her life whom she had forced to hold up as it were the whole foundation of her existence now simply were not real at all she might call to them and their voices were like far echoes or the wind she gazed at them and the colors of the room and the street seemed to shine through them she fought for their reality she forced herself to recall all the many things that they had done together Nina's little ways the quarrels with Nicholas the reconciliations the times when he had been ill the times when they had gone to the country to the theater and through it all she heard Semyonov's voice by the way what about your friend Lawrence he's in a position of very considerable danger considerable danger considerable danger by the evening she was almost frantic Nina had been with a girlfriend in the Vasilyostrov all day she would perhaps stay there all night if there were any signs of trouble no one returned only the clock ticked on old Sasha asked whether she might go out for an hour Vera nodded her head she was then quite alone in the flat suddenly about seven o'clock Nina came in she was tired nervous and unhappy the revolution had not come to her as anything but a sudden crumbling of all the life that she had known and believed in she had had that afternoon to run down a side street to avoid a machine gun and afterwards on the Morskaya she had come upon a dead man huddled up in the snow like a piece of awful these things terrified her and she did not care about the larger issues her life had always been intensely personal not selfish so much as vividly egoistic through her vitality and now she was miserable not because she was afraid for her own safety but because she was face to face for the first time with the unknown and the uncertain she came in sat down at the table put her head into her arms and burst into tears she must have looked a very pathetic figure with her little fur hat askew her hair tumbled like a child whose doll is suddenly broken Vera was at her side in a moment she put her arms around her Nina dear what is it has somebody hurt you has something happened is anybody killed no Nina sobbed nobody nothing only i'm frightened it all looks so strange the streets are so funny and there was a dead man on the Morskaya you shouldn't have gone out dear i ought to have let you but now we can just be cozy together Sasha's gone out there's no one here but ourselves we'll have supper and make ourselves comfortable Nina looked up staring about her has Sasha gone out oh i wish she hadn't supposing somebody came no one will come who could no one wants to hurt us i've been here all the afternoon and no one's come near the flat if anybody did come we've only got to telephone to Nicholas he's with Rosenov all the afternoon Nicholas Nina repeated scornfully as though he could help anybody she looked up Vera told me afterwards that it was at that moment when Nina looked such a baby with her tumbled hair and her flushed cheeks stained with tears that she realized her love for her with a fierceness that for a moment seemed to drown even her love for Lawrence she caught her to her and hugged her kissing her again and again but Nina was suspicious there were many things that had to be settled between Vera and herself she did not respond and Vera let her go she went into her room to take off her things afterwards they lit the samovar and boiled some eggs and put the caviar and sausage and salt fish and jam on the table at first they were silent and then Nina began to recover a little you know Vera i've had an extraordinary day there were no trams running of course and i had to walk all the distance when i got there i found Katerina Ivanovna in a terrible way because their masha whom they've had for years you know went to a revolutionary meeting last evening and was out all night and she came in this morning and said she wasn't going to work for them anymore that everyone was equal now and that they must do things for themselves just fancy when she's been with them for years and they've been so good to her it upset Katerina Ivanovna terribly because of course they couldn't get anyone else and there was no food in the house perhaps Sasha won't come back again oh she must she's not like that and we've been so good to her Noopatom some soldiers came early in the afternoon and they said that some policemen had been firing from Katya's windows and they must search the flat they were very polite quite a young student was in charge of them he was rather like Boris and they went all over everything they were very polite but it wasn't nice seeing them stand there with their rifles in the middle of the dining room Katya offered them some wine but they wouldn't touch it they said they had been told not to and they looked quite angry with her for offering it they couldn't find the policeman anywhere of course but they told Katya they might have to burn the house down if they didn't find him I think they just said it to amuse themselves but Katya believed it and was in a terrible way and began collecting all her china in the middle of the floor and then Ivan came in and told her not to be silly weren't you frightened to come home asked Vera Ivan wanted to come with me but I wouldn't let him I felt quite brave in the flat as though I'd face anybody and then every step I took outside I got more and more frightened it was so strange so quiet with the trams not running and the shops all shut the streets are quite deserted except that in the distance you see crowds and sometimes there were shots and people running then suddenly I began to run I felt as though there were animals in the canals and things crawling about on the ships and then just as I thought I was getting home I saw a man dead on the snow I'm not going out alone again until it's over I'm so glad I'm back Vera darling we'll have a lovely evening they both discovered then how hungry they were and they had an enormous meal it was very cozy with the curtains drawn and the wood crackling in the stove and the samovar chuckling there was a plate full of chocolates and Nina ate them all she was quite happy now and sang and danced about as they cleared away most of the supper leaving the samovar and the bread and the jam and the sausage for Nicholas and Bohan when they came in at last Vera sat down in the old red armchair that had the holes and the places where it suddenly went flat and Nina piled up some cushions and sat at her feet for a time they were happy saying very little Vera softly stroking Nina's hair then as Vera afterwards described it to me some fright or sudden dread of loneliness came into the room it was exactly as though the door had opened and someone had joined us and do you know I looked up and expected to see Uncle Alexi however of course there was no one there but Nina moved away a little and then Vera wanting to comfort her tried to draw her closer and then of course Nina because she was like that with a little peevish shrug of the shoulders drew even farther away there was after that silence between them and awkward ugly silence piling up and up with discomfort until the whole room seemed to be eloquent with it both their minds were of course occupied in the same direction and suddenly Nina who moved always on impulse and had no restraint burst out I must know how Andre Stepanovich their name for Lawrence because Jeremy had no Russian equivalent is I'm going to telephone you can't Vera said quietly it isn't working I tried an hour ago to get on to Nicholas well then I shall go off and find out said Nina knowing very well that she would not oh Nina of course you mustn't you know you can't perhaps when Nicholas comes in he will have some news for us why shouldn't I you know why not what would he think besides you're not going out into the town again tonight oh aren't I and who is going to stop me I am said Vera Nina sprang to her feet in her later account to me of this quarrel she said you know Dirtles I don't believe I ever loved Vera more than I did just then in spite of her gravity she looked so helpless and as though she wanted loving so terribly I could just have flung my arms round her and hugged her to death at the very moment that I was screaming at her why are we like that at any rate Nina stood up there and stamped her foot her hair hanging all about her face and her body quivering oh you're going to keep me are you what right have you got over me can't I go and leave the flat at any moment if I wish or am I to consider myself your prisoner Tizuinito Pajeloista I didn't know I can only eat my meals with your permission I suppose I have to ask you leave before going to see my friends thank you I know now but I'm not going to stand it I shall do just as I please I'm grown up no one can stop me Vera her eyes full of distress looked helplessly about her she never could deal with Nina when she was in these storms of rage and today she felt especially helpless Nina dear don't you know that it isn't so you can go where you please do what you please thank you said Nina tossing her head I'm glad to hear it I know I'm tiresome very often I'm slow and stupid if I try you sometimes you must forgive me and be patient sit down again and let's be happy you know how I love you Nina darling come again but Nina stood there pouting she was loving Vera so intensely that it was all that she could do to hold herself back but her very love made her want to hurt it's all very well to say you love me but you don't act as though you do you're always trying to keep me in I want to be free and Andrei Stepanovich they both paused at Lawrence's name they knew that that was at the root of the matter between them that it had been so for a long time and that any other pretense would be false you know I love him said Nina and I'm going to marry him I can see then Vera taking a tremendous pull upon herself as though she suddenly so in front of her a gulf into whose depths in another moment she would fall but my vision of the story from this point is Nina's Vera told me no more until she came to the final adventure of the evening this part of the scene then is witnessed with Nina's eyes and I can only fill in details which from my knowledge of them both I believe to have occurred Nina knew of course what the effect of her announcement would be upon Vera but she had not expected the sudden thin pallor which stole like a film over her sister's face the withdrawal the silence she was frightened so she went on recklessly oh I know that he doesn't care for me yet I can see that of course but he will he must he's seen nothing of me yet but I am stronger than he I can make him do as I wish I will make him you don't want me to marry him and I know why she flung that out as a challenge tossing her head scornfully but nevertheless watching with frightened eyes her sister's face suddenly Vera spoke and it was in a voice so stern that it was to Nina a new voice as though she had suddenly to deal with some new figure whom she had never seen before I can't discuss that with you Nina you can't marry because as you say he doesn't care for you in that way also if he did it would be a very unhappy marriage you would soon despise him he is not clever in the way that you want a man to be clever you'd think him slow and dull after a month with him and then he ought to beat you and he wouldn't he'd be kind to you and then you'd be ruined I can see now that I've always been too kind to you indeed everyone has and the result is that you're spoiled and know nothing about life at all or men you are right I've treated you as a child too long I will do so no longer Nina turned like a little fury standing back from Vera as though she were going to spring upon her that's it is it she cried and all because you want to keep him for yourself I understand I have eyes you love him you are hoping for an intrigue with him you love him you love him you love him and he doesn't love you and you are so miserable Vera looked at Nina then suddenly turned and burying her head in her hands sobbed crouching in her chair then slipping from the chair knelt catching Nina's knees her head against her dress Nina was aghast terrified then in a moment overwhelmed by a surging flood of love so that she caught Vera to her caressing her hair calling her by her little name kissing her again and again and again Veracca Veracca I didn't mean anything I didn't indeed I love you I love you you know that I do I was only angry and wicked oh I'll never forgive myself Veracca get up don't kneel to me like that she was interrupted by a knock on the outer hall door to both of them that sound must have been terribly alarming Vera said afterwards that at once we realized that it was the knock of someone more frightened than we were in the first place no one ever knocked they always rang the rather rickety electric bell and then the sound was furtive and hurried and even frantic as though said Vera someone on the other side of the door was breathless the sisters stood close together for quite a long time without moving the knocking ceased and the room was doubly silent then suddenly it began again very rapid and eager but muffled almost as though someone were knocking with a gloved hand Vera went then she paused for a moment in the little hall for again there was silence and she fancied that perhaps the intruder had given up the matter in despair but no there it was again and this third time seemed to her perhaps because she was so close to it the most urgent and eager of all she went to the door and opened it there was no light in the passage saved the dim reflection from the lamp on the lower floor and in the shadow she saw a figure cowering back into the corner behind the door who is it she asked the figure pushed past her slipping into their own little hall but you can't come in like that she said turning round on him shut the door he whispered boysy boy boysy boy shut the door she recognized him then he was the policeman from the corner of their street a man whom they knew well he had always been a pompous little man stout and short of figure kindly so far as they knew although they had heard of him as cruel in the pursuit of his official duties they had once talked to him a little and he explained i wouldn't hurt a fly god knows he had said of myself but a man likes to do his work efficiently and there are so many lazy fellows about here he prided himself they saw on a punctilious attention to duty when he had to come there for some paper or other he was always extremely polite and if they were going away he helped them about their passports he told them on another occasion that he was pleased with life although one never knew of course when it might come down upon one well it had come down on him now a more pitiful object vera had never seen he was dressed in a dirty black suit and wore a shabby fur cap his padded overcoat was torn but the overwhelming effect of him was terror vera had never before seen such terror and at once as though the thing weren't infectious disease her own heart began to beat furiously he was shaking so that the fur cap which was too large for his head waggled up and down over his eye in a ludicrous manner his face was dirty as though he had been crying and a horrid pallid gray in color his collar was torn showing his neck between the folds of his overcoat vera looked out down the stairs as though she expected to see something the flat was perfectly still there was not a sound anywhere she turned back to the man again he was crouching against the wall you can't come in here she repeated my sister and i are alone what do you want what's the matter shut the door shut the door shut the door he repeated she closed it now what is it she asked and then hearing a sound turned to find that nina was standing with wide eyes watching what is it nina asked in a whisper i don't know said vera also whispering he won't tell me end of part two chapter 12 first section part two chapter 12 second section of the secret city this is a libra vox recording all libra vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libravox.org recording by Rita butros the secret city by Hugh Walpole part two chapter 12 second section he pushed past them then into the dining room looked about him for a moment then sank into a chair as though his legs would no longer support him holding on to the cloth with both hands the sisters followed him into the dining room don't shiver like that said vera tell us why you've come in here his eyes looked past them never still wandering from wall to wall from door to door thereafter me he said that's it i was hiding in our cupboard all last night and this morning they were around there all the time breaking up our things i heard them shouting they were going to kill me i've done nothing oh god what's that there's no one here said vera except ourselves i saw a chance to get away and i crept out but i couldn't get far i knew you would be good-hearted good-hearted hide me somewhere anywhere and they won't come in here only until the evening i've done no one any harm only my duty he began to snivel taking out from his coat a very dirty pocket handkerchief and dabbing his face with it the odd thing that they felt as they looked at him was the incredible intermingling of public and private affairs five minutes before they had been passing through a tremendous crisis in their personal relationship the whole history of their lives together flowing through how many years through how many phases how many quarrels and happiness and adventures had reached here a climax whose issue was so important that life between them could never be the same again so urgent had been the affair that during that hour they had forgotten the revolution russia the war moreover always in the past they had assumed that public life was no affair of theirs the russo-jepanese war even the spasmodic revolt in 1905 had not touched them except as a wind of ideas which blew so swiftly through their private lives that they were scarcely affected by it now in the person of that trembling shaking figure at their table the revolution had come to them and not only the revolution but the strange new secret city that petrograd was the whole ground was quaking beneath them and in the eyes of the fugitive they saw what terror of death really was it was no tale read in a storybook no recounting of an adventure by some romantic traveler it was here with them in the flat and at any moment it was then that vira realized that there was no time to lose something must be done at once who's pursuing you she asked quickly where are they he got up and was moving about the room as though he was looking for a hiding place all the people everybody he turned round upon them suddenly striking what seemed to them a ludicrously grand attitude abominable that's what it is i heard them shouting that i had a machine gun on the roof and was killing people i had no machine gun of course not i wouldn't know what to do with one if i had one but there they were that's what they were shouting and i've always done my duty what's one to do obey one superior officer of course what he says one does what's life for and then naturally one expects a reward things were going well with me very well indeed and then this comes it's a degrading thing for a man to hide for a day and a night in a cupboard his teeth began to chatter then so that he could scarcely speak he seemed to be shaking with agu he caught vira's hand save me save me he said put me somewhere i've done nothing disgraceful they'll shoot me like a dog the sisters consulted what are we to do as nina we can't let him go out to be killed no but if we keep him here and they come in and find him we shall all be involved it isn't fair to nicholas or uncle evan we can't let him go out no we can't vira replied she saw at once how impossible that was where he caught outside and shot they would feel that they had his death forever on their souls there's the linen cupboard she said she turned round to nina i'm afraid she said if you hide here you'll have to go into another cupboard and it can only be for an hour or two we couldn't keep you here all night he said nothing except quick take me vira led him into her bedroom and showed him the place without another word he pressed in amongst the clothes it was a deep cupboard and although he was a fat man the door closed quite evenly it was suddenly as though he had never been vira went back to nina they stood close to one another in the middle of the room and talked in whispers what are we going to do we can only wait they'll never dare to search your room vira one doesn't know now everything's so different vira you are brave forgive me what i said just now i'll help you if you want hush nina dear not that now we've got to think what's best they kissed very quietly and then they sat down by the table and waited there was simply nothing else to do vira said that during that pause she could see the little policemen everywhere in every part of the room she found him with his fat legs and dirty streaky face and open collar the flat was heavy portentious with his presence as though it stood with a self-important finger on its lips saying i've got a secret in here such a secret you don't know what i've got they discussed in whispers as to who would come in first nicholas or uncle evan or bowen or sasha and supposing one of them came in while the soldiers were there who would be the most dangerous sasha she would scream and give everything away suppose they had seen him enter and were simply waiting on the cat and mouse plan to catch him that was an intolerable thought i think said nina i must go and see whether there's anyone outside but there was no need for her to do that even as she spoke they heard the steps on the stairs and instantly afterwards there came the loud knocking on their door vira pressed nina's hand and went into the hall kato tam who's there she asked open the door the workmen and soldiers committee demand entrance in the name of the revolution she opened the door at once during those first days of the revolution they cherished certain melodramatic displays whether consciously or no they built on all the old french revolution traditions or perhaps it is that every revolution produces of necessity the same clothing with which to cover its nakedness a strange mixture of force and terror were those detachments of so-called justice at their head there was as a rule a student often smiling and bespecaled the soldiers themselves from one of the petrograd regiments were frankly out for a good time and enjoyed themselves thoroughly but as is the slavonic way playfulness could pass with surprising suddenness to dead earnest with indeed so dramatic a precipitance that the actors themselves were afterwards amazed of these little regrettable mistakes there had already during the week been several examples to vera with the knowledge of the contents of her linen cupboard the men seemed terrifying enough their leader was a fat and beaming student quite a boy he was very polite saying zedrast vuit and taking off his cap the men behind him hulking men from one of the guards regiments pushed about in a little hall like a lot of puppies joking with one another holding their rifles upside down and making sudden efforts at a seriousness that they could not possibly sustain only one of them an older man with a thick black beard was intensely grave and looked at vera with beseeching eyes as though he longed to tell her the secret of his life what can i do for you she asked the student frosty forgive us he smiled and blinked at her then put on his cap clicked his heels gave a salute and took his cap off again we wish to be in no way and inconvenience to you we are simply obeying orders we have instructions that a policeman is hiding in one of these flats we know of course that he cannot possibly be here nevertheless we are compelled frosty what nice pictures you have he ended suddenly it was then that vera discovered that they were by this time in the dining room crowded together near the door and gazing at nina with interested eyes there's no one here of course said vera very quietly no one at all tectochno quite so said the black bearded soldier for no particular reason suddenly you will allow me to sit down said the student very politely i must i am afraid ask a few questions certainly said vera quietly anything you like she had moved over to nina and they stood side by side but she could not think of nina she could not think even of the policeman in the cupboard she could think only of that other house on the key where perhaps even now this same scene was being enacted they had found wilderling they had dragged him out laurance was beside him they were condemned together oh love had come to her at last in a wild surging flood of all the steps she had been led until at last only half an hour before in that scene with nina the curtains had been flung aside and the whole view revealed to her she felt such a strength such a pride such a defiance as she had not known belonged to human power she had for many weeks been hesitating before the gates now suddenly she had swept through his death now was not the terror that it had been only an hour before nina's accusation had shown her as a flash of lightning flings the mountains into view that now she could never lose him were he with her or no and that beside that truth nothing mattered something of her bravery and grandeur and beauty must have been felt by them all at that moment nina realized it she told me that her own fear left her all together when she saw how Vera was facing them she was suddenly calm and quiet and very amused the student officer seemed now to be quite at home he had taken a great many notes down in a little book and looked very important as he did so his chubby face expressed great self satisfaction he talked half to himself and half to Vera yes yes quite so exactly and your husband is not yet at home madame markovich nuda of course these are very troublesome times and as you say things have to move in a hurry you've heard perhaps that nicholas romanoff has abdicated entirely and refused to allow his son to succeed makes things simpler yes very pleasant pictures you have and ostrovsky six volumes very agreeable i have myself acted in ostrovsky at different times i find his plays very enjoyable i am sure you will forgive us madame if we walk through your charming flat but indeed by this time the soldiers themselves had begun to roam about on their own account nina remembers one soldier in a special a large dirty fellow with ragged mustache who quite frankly terrified her he seemed to regard her with particular satisfaction staring at her and as it were licking his lips over her he wandered about the room fingering things and seemed to be immensely interested in nicholas's little den peering through the glass window that there was in the door and rubbing the glass with his finger he presently pushed the door open and soon they were all in there then a characteristic thing occurred apparently nicholas's inventions his little pieces of wood and bark and cloth his glass bottles and tubes seemed to them highly suspicious there was laughter at first and then sudden silence nina could see part of the room through the open door and she watched them as they gathered round the little table talking together in excited whispers the tall rough-looking fellow who had frightened her before picked up one of the tubes and then whether by accident or intention let it fall and the tinkling smash of the glass frightened them all so precipitately that they came tumbling out into the larger room the big fellow whispered something to the student who at once became more self-important than ever and said very seriously to vera that is your husband's room madame i understand yes said vera quietly he does his work in there what kind of work he is an inventor an inventor of what various things he is working at present on something to do with the making of cloth unfortunately this serious view of nicholas's inventions suddenly seemed to nina so ridiculous that she tittered she could have done nothing more regrettable the student obviously felt that his dignity was threatened he looked at her very severely this is no laughing matter he said he himself then got up and went into the inner room he was there for some time and they could hear him fingering the tubes and treading on the broken glass he came out again at last he was seriously offended you should have told us your husband was an inventor i didn't think it was of importance said vera everything is of importance he answered the atmosphere was now entirely changed the soldiers were angry they had it seemed been deceived and treated like children the melancholy fellow with the black beard looked at vera with eyes of deeper approach when will your husband return asked the student i am afraid i don't know said vera she realized that the situation was now serious but she could not keep her mind upon it in that house on the key what was happening what had perhaps already happened where has he gone i don't know why didn't he tell you where he was going he often does not tell me ah that is wrong in these days one should always say where one is going he stood up very stiff and straight search the house he said to his men suddenly then vera's mind concentrated it was as though she told me i came back into the room and saw for the first time what was happening there is no one in the rest of the flat she said and nothing that can interest you that is for me to judge said the little officer grimly but i assure you there is nothing she went on eagerly there is only the kitchen and the bathroom and the five bedrooms whose bedrooms said the officer my husbands my own my sisters my uncles and in englishmen's she answered coloring a little nevertheless we must do our duty search the house he repeated but you must not go into our bedrooms she said her voice rising there is nothing for you there i am sure you will respect our privacy our orders must be obeyed he answered angrily but she cried silence madame he said furiously staring at her as though she were his personal deadly enemy very well said vera proudly please do as you wish the officer walked past her with his head up and the soldiers followed him their eyes malicious and inquisitive and excited the sisters stood together waiting of course the end had come they simply stood there fastening their resolution to the extreme moment i must go with them said vera she followed them into her bedroom it was a very little place and they filled it they looked rather sheepish now whispering to one another what's in there said the officer tapping the cupboard only some clothes said vera open it he ordered then the world did indeed stand still the clock ceased to tick the little rumble in the stove was silenced the shuffling feet of one of the soldiers stayed the movement of some rustle in the wallpaper was held the world was frozen now i suppose we shall all be shot was vera's thought repeated over and over again with a ludicrous monotony then she could see nothing but the little policeman tumbling out of the cupboard disheveled and terrified terrified what that look in his eyes would be that at any rate she could not face and she turned her head away from them looking out through the door into the dark little passage she heard as though from an infinite distance the words well there's nobody there she did not believe him of course he said that whoever he was to test her to tempt her to give herself away but she was too clever for them she turned back and faced them and then saw to the accompaniment of an amazement that seemed like thunder in her ears that the cupboard was indeed empty there is nobody said the black bearded soldier the students looked rather ashamed of himself the white clothes the skirts and the blouses in the cupboard reproached him you will of course understand madam he said stiffly that the search was inevitable regrettable but necessary i'm sure you will see that for your own satisfaction you are assured now that there is no one here vera interrupted him coldly assured he answered but where was the man she felt as though she were in some fantastic nightmare in which nothing was as it seemed the cupboard was not a cupboard the policeman not a policeman there is the kitchen she said in the kitchen of course they found nothing there was a large cupboard in one corner but they did not look there they had had enough they returned into the dining room and they're looking very surprised his head very high above his collar was markovitch what does this mean he asked i regret extremely said the officer pompously i have been compelled to make a search duty only i regret but no one is here your flat is at liberty i wish you good afternoon before markovitch could ask further questions the room was emptied of them all they trapped out laughing and joking children again the hall door closed behind them nina clutched vera's arm vera vera where is he i don't know said vera what's all this asked nicholas they explained to him but he scarcely seemed to hear he was radiant smiling in a kind of ecstasy they have gone i am safe in the doorway was the little policeman black with grime and dust so comical a figure that in reaction from the crisis of ten minutes before they laughed hysterically oh look look cried nina how dirty he is where have you been asked vera why weren't you in the cupboard the little man's teeth were chattering so that he could scarcely speak i heard them in the other room i knew that the cupboard would be the first place i slipped into the kitchen and hid in the fireplace you're not angry nicholas vera asked we couldn't send him out to be shot what does that matter he almost impatiently brushed it aside there are other things more important he looked at the trembling dirty figure only you'd better go back and hide again until it's dark they might come back he caught vera by the arm his eyes were flames he drew her with him back into her little room he closed the door the revolution has come it has really come he cried yes she answered it has come into this very house the world has changed the czar has abdicated the old world has gone the old wicked world russia is born again his eyes were the eyes of a fanatic her eyes too were a light she gazed past him i know i know she whispered as though to herself russia russia he went on coming closer and closer russia and you we will build a new world we will forget our old troubles oh vera my darling my darling we're going to be happy now i love you so and now i can hope again all our love will be clean in this new world we're going to be happy at last but she did not hear him she saw into space a great exultation ran through her body all lost for love at last she was awakened at last she lived at last at last she knew what love was i love him i love him him her soul whispered and nothing now in this world or the next can separate us vera vera nicholas cried we are together at last as we have never been and now we'll work together again for russia she looked at the man whom she had never loved with a great compassion and pity she put her arms around him and kissed him her whole maternal spirit suddenly aware of him and seeking to comfort him at the touch of her lips his body trembled with happiness but he did not know that it was a kiss of farewell end of part two chapter 12 second section part two chapter 13 of the secret city this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Rita Boutros the secret city by Hugh Wellpole part two chapter 13 i have no idea at all what Lawrence did during the early days of that week he has never told me and i've never asked him he never with the single exception of the afternoon at the Astoria came near the Markovitches and i know that was because he had now reached a stage where he did not dare trust himself to see Vera just as she at that time did not trust herself to see him i do not know what he thought of those first days of the revolution i can imagine that he took it all very quietly doing his duty and making no comment he had of course his own interest in it but it would be i am sure an entirely original interest unlike anyone else's i remember dune once in the long dead days saying to me it's never any use guessing what Lawrence is thinking when you think it's football it's Euripides and when you think it's Euripides it's Marie Carelli of all the actors in this affair he remains to me to the last as the most mysterious i know that he loved Vera with the endurance of the rock the heat of the flame the ruthlessness of a torrent but behind that love there sat the man himself invisible silent patient watching he may have had Semyonov's contempt for the revolutionary idealist he may have had Wilderling's belief in the Tsar's autocracy he may have had Boris Grogov's enthusiasm for freedom and a general holiday i don't know i know nothing at all about it i don't think that he saw much of the Wilderlings during the earlier part of the week he himself was a great deal with the english military mission and Wilderling was with his party whatever that might be he could see of course that Wilderling was disturbed or perhaps indignant as the right word as though you know he said some dirty little boy had been pulling snooks at him nevertheless the baroness was the human link Lawrence would see from the first that is from the morning of the Sunday that she was in an agony of horror she confided in nobody but went about as though she were watching for something and at dinner her eyes never left her husband's face for a moment those evening meals must have been awful i can imagine the dignity the solemn heavy room with all the silver the ceremonious old man's servant and Wilderling himself behaving as though nothing at all were the matter to do him all justice he was as brave as a lion and as proud as a gladiator and as conceited as a prussian on the Wednesday evening he did not return home he telephoned that he was kept on important business the baroness and Lawrence had the long slow meal together it was almost more than Jerry could stand having of course his own private tortures to face it was as though the old lady felt that she had been deputed to support the honor of the family during her husband's absence she must have been wild with anxiety but she showed no sign except that her hand trembled when she raised her glass what did you talk about i asked him oh about anything theaters and her home when she was a girl and england awful every minute of it there was a moment towards the end of the meal when the good lady nearly broke down the bell in the hall rang and there was a step she thought it was her husband and half rose it was however the devornik with a message of no importance she gave a little sigh oh i do wish he would come i do wish he would come she murmured to herself oh he'll come Lawrence reassured her but she seemed indignant with him for having overheard her afterwards sitting together desolately in the magnificent drawing room she became affectionately maternal i have always wondered why Lawrence confided to me the details of their very intimate conversation it was exactly the kind of thing he was most reticent about she asked him about his home his people his ambitions she had asked him about these things before but tonight there was an appeal in her questions as though she said take my mind off that other thing help me to forget if it's only for a moment have you ever been in love she asked yes once he said was he in love now yes with someone in russia yes she hoped that he would be happy he told her that he didn't think happiness was quite the point in this particular case there were other things more important and anyway it was inevitable he had fallen in love at first sight yes the very first moment she sighed so had she it was she thought the only real way she asked him whether it might not after all turn out better than he expected no he did not think that it could but he didn't mind how it turned out at least he couldn't look that far the point was that he was in it up to his neck and he was never going to be out of it again there was something boyish about that that pleased her she put her plump hand on his knee and told him how she had first met the baron down in the south at kiev how grand he had looked how seeing her across the room full of people he had smiled at her before he had ever spoken to her or knew her name i was quite pretty then she added i have never regretted our marriage for a single moment she said nor i know has he we hope there would be children she gave a pathetic little gesture we will get away down to the south again as soon as the troubles are over she ended i don't suppose he was thinking much of her his mind was on veera all the time but after he had left her and lay in bed sleepless his mind dwelt on her affectionately and he thought that he would like to help her he realized quite clearly that wilderling was in a very dangerous position but i don't think that it ever occurred to him for a moment that it would be wise for him to move to another flat on the next day thursday laurence did not return until the middle of the afternoon the town was by now comparatively quiet again numbers of the police had been caught and imprisoned some had been shot and others were in hiding most of the machine guns shooting from the roofs had ceased the abdication of the czar had already produced the second phase of the revolution the beginning of the struggle between the provisional government and the council of workmen and soldiers deputies and this was proceeding for the moment inside the walls of the duma rather than in the streets and squares of the town laurence returned therefore that afternoon with a strange sense of quiet and security it was almost you know as though this tommy rot about a white revolution might be true after all with this jolly old duma and their jolly old karensky running the show of course i'd seen the nonsense about their not saluting the officers and all that but i didn't think any fellers alive would be such damn fools i might have known better he let himself into the flat and found there a deathlike stillness no one about and no sound except the tickings of the large clock in the drawing room he wandered into that horribly impressive place and suddenly sat down on the sofa with a realization of extreme physical fatigue he didn't know why he was so tired he had felt quite bombish all the week suddenly now his limbs were like water he had a bad ache down his spine and his legs were as heavy as lead he sat in a kind of trance on that sofa he was not asleep but he was also quite certainly not awake he wondered why the place was so beastly still after all the noise there had been all the week there was no one left alive everyone dead except himself and veera veera veera then he was conscious that someone was looking at him through the double doors at first he didn't realize who it was the face was so white and the figure so quiet then pulling himself together he saw that it was the old servant what is it andre he asked sitting up the old man didn't answer but came into the room carefully closing the door behind him laurence saw that he was trembling with fright but was still endeavoring to behave with dignity baron baron he whispered as though laurence were a long way from him paul konstantinovich that was well-drilling he's mad he doesn't know what he's doing oh sir stop him stop him or we shall all be murdered what is he doing asked laurence standing up in the little back room andre whispered as though now he were confiding a terrible secret come quickly laurence followed him when he had gone a few steps down the passage he heard suddenly a sharp muffled report what's that andre came close to him his old seemed face white like plaster he has a rifle in there he said he's shooting at them then as laurence stepped up to the door of the little room that was wilderling's dressing room andre caught his arm be careful baron he doesn't know what he's about he may not recognize you oh that's all right said laurence he pushed the door open and walked in to give for a moment his own account of it you know that room was the rummiest thing i'd never been into it before i knew the old fellow was a bit of a dandy but i never expected to see all the pots and jars and glasses there were you'd have thought one wouldn't have noticed a thing at such a time but you couldn't escape them his dressing table simply covered white round jars with pink tops bottles of hair oil with ribbons around the neck manicure things heaps of silver things and boxes with chinese patterns on them and one thing open with what was mighty like rouge in it and clothes all over the place red silk dressing gown with golden tassels and red leather slippers i don't remember noticing any of this at the moment but it all comes back to me as soon as i begin to think of it and the room stank of scent but of course it was the old man in the corner who mattered it was i think very significant of laurence's character and his unenglish english tradition that the first thing that he felt was the pathos of it no other englishman in petrograd would have seen that at all well luling was crouched in the corner against a piece of gold japanese embroidery he was in the shadow away from the window which was pushed open sufficiently to allow the muzzle of the rifle to slip between the woodwork and the pain the old man his white hair disordered his clothes dusty and his hands grimy crept forward just as laurence entered fired down into the side street then moved swiftly back into his corner again he muttered to himself without ceasing in french shean shean shean he was very hot and he stopped for a moment to wipe this sweat from his forehead then he saw laurence what do you want he asked as though he didn't recognize him laurence moved down the side of the room avoiding the window he touched the little man's arm i say you know he said this won't do wilderling smelt of gunpowder and he was breathing hard as though he had been running desperately he quivered when laurence touched him go away he said you mustn't come here i'll get them yet i tell you i'll get them yet i tell you i'll get them let them dare shean shean he jerked his rifle away from the window and began with trembling fingers to load it again laurence gripped his arm when i did that he said it felt as though there wasn't an arm there at all but just a bone which i could break if i pressed a bit harder come away he said you damn fool don't you see that it's hopeless and i'd always been so respectful to him he added in parenthesis wilderling hissed at him saying no words just drawing in his breath i've got two of them he whispered suddenly i'll get them all then a bullet crashed through the window burying itself in the opposite wall after that things happened so quickly that it was impossible to say in what order they occurred there was suddenly a tremendous noise in the flat it was just as though the whole place was going to tumble about our ears all the pots and bottles began to jump about and then another bullet came through landed on the dressing table and smashed everything the looking glass crashed and the hair oil was all over the place i rushed out to see what was happening in the hall what was happening was that the soldiers had broken the hall door in laurence saw then a horrible thing one of the men rushed forward and stuck andre who was standing paralyzed by the drawing room door in the stomach the old man cried out just like a shot rabbit and stood there for what seemed ages with the blood pouring out of his middle that finished laurence he rushed forward and they would certainly have stuck him too if someone hadn't cried out look out he's an englishman an english enin i know him after that for a time he was uncertain of anything he struggled he was held he heard noises around him shouts or murmurs or sighs that didn't seem to him to be connected with anything human he could not have said where he was nor what he was doing then quite suddenly everything cleared he came to himself with a consciousness of that utter weariness that he had felt before he was able to visualize the scene to take it all in but as a distant spectator it was like nothing so much as watching a cinematograph he told me he could do nothing he was held by three soldiers who apparently wished him to be a witness of the whole affair andre's body lay there huddled up in a pool of drying blood that glistened under the electric light one of his legs was bent crookedly under him and laurence had a strange mad impulse to thrust his way forward and put it straight it was then with a horrible sickly feeling exactly like a blow in the stomach that he realized that the baroness was there she was standing quite alone at the entrance of the hall looking at the soldiers who were about eight in number he heard her say what's happened who are you and then in a sharper more urgent voice where's my husband then she saw andre she gave a sharp little cry moved forward towards him and stopped i don't know what she did then said laurence i think she suddenly began to run down the passage i know she was crying paul paul paul i never saw her again the officer an elderly kindly looking man like a doctor or a lawyer i am trying to give every possible detail because i think it important then came up to laurence and asked him some questions what was his name jeremy ral Florence he was an englishman yes working at the british embassy no at the british military mission he was officer yes in the british army yes he had fought for two years in france he had been lodging with baron wilderling yes ever since he came to russia the officer nodded his head they knew about him had full information a friend of his a mr boris grogoth had spoken of him the officer was then very polite told him that they regretted extremely the inconvenience and discomfort to which he might be put but that they must detain him until this affair was concluded which will be very soon added the officer he also added that he wished laurence to be a witness of what occurred so that he should see that under the new regime in russia everything was just and straightforward i tried to tell him said laurence to me that wilderling was off his head i hadn't the least hope of course it was all quite clear and at such a time quite just wilderling had been shooting them out of his window the officer listened very politely but when i had finished he only shook his head that was their affair he said it was then that i realized wilderling he was standing quite close to me he had obviously been struggling a bit because his shirt was all torn and you could see his chest he kept moving his hand and trying to pull his shirt over it was his only movement he was as straight as a dart and except for the motion of his hand as still as a statue standing between the soldiers looking directly in front of him he had been mad in that other room quite dotty he was as sane as anything now grave and serious and rather ironical just as he always looked well it was at that moment when i saw him there that i thought of vira i had been thinking of her all the time of course i had been thinking of nothing else for weeks but that moment there in the hall settled me callous wasn't it i ought to have been thinking only of wilderling and his poor old wife after all they'd been awfully good to me she'd been almost like a mother all the time but there it was it came over me like a storm i'd been fighting for nights and days and days and nights not to go to her fighting like hell trying to play the game the sentimentalist would call it i suppose seeing the old man there and knowing what they were going to do to him settled it it was a sudden conviction like a blow that all this thing was real that they weren't playing at it that anyone in the town was as near death as winking and so there it was vira i'd got to get to her at once and never leave her again until she was safe i'd got to get to her i'd got to get to her i'd got to get to her nothing else mattered not wilderling's death nor mine either except that if i was dead i'd be out of it and wouldn't be able to help her they talk about men with one idea from that moment i had only one idea in all the world i don't know that i've had any other sense they talk about scruples moralities traditions they're all right but they're just our moments in life when they simply don't count at all vira was in danger well that was all that mattered the officer said something to wilderling i heard wilderling answer your rebels against his majesty i wish i'd shot more of you fine old boy you know whatever way you look at it they moved him forward then he went quite willingly without any kind of resistance they motioned to me to follow we walked out of the flat down the stairs no one's saying a word we went out onto the key there was no one there they stood him up against the wall facing the river it was dark and when he was against the wall he seemed to vanish only i got one kind of gesture a sort of farewell you know his gray hair waving in the breeze from the river there was a report and it was as though a piece of the wall slowly unsettled itself and fell forward no sound except the report oh he was a fine old boy the officer came up to me and said very politely you are free now sir and something about regretting incivility and something i think about them perhaps wanting me again to give some sort of evidence very polite he was i was mad i suppose i don't know i believe i said something to him about veera which of course he didn't understand i know i wanted to run like hell to veera to see that she was safe but i didn't i walked off as slowly as anything it was awful they'd been so good to me and yet i wasn't thinking of will drilling at all end of part two chapter 13