What's going on everybody? Welcome back to another video. Today we're going to be taking a look at what an API is and then I'm going to show you how to use it. So API stands for Application Program Interface and it basically acts as an intermediary between two different applications that want to talk to each other. An API typically has a client and a server and so the application or the person that is submitting the request that is the client and then the client is the application that is sending the response to that request. So an API is kind of like a middleman. Let's say you have you over here you're the user and you want data from this company and they have this API set up and in this API they're going to show you exactly what you are allowed to take and how often you're allowed to take it and they're not going to show you everything that they have on the client side because there are things that they don't want you to have access to. So it really keeps both parties happy because the user can still access the data and use the data but this company doesn't take all the risk of opening up all their databases and everything so it's a lot more secure.   I know that was a fantastic metaphor and you guys all really enjoyed that but let's jump on my screen I'm going to show you how to actually use an API. All right so to show you how to use an API we're going to be taking a look at coin market cap and this basically is a website that tracks cryptocurrencies. So over here we have all these different cryptocurrencies and we have their prices their market caps volume circling supply. Now if you don't or if you're not into crypto you may not know what any of this is but it's data you know here are the columns here's the data and we want to use that data so we want to take that data for let's say just a personal project or we want to put it up on our own website and display this so we want this information and so what we're going to do is we're going to go all the way down to the bottom stick with me and under products we have this crypto API. So let's go ahead and click on that and it's going to take you to their kind of their developer section. Now all you have to do in order to get access to this API and the API key which again allows you to use the API is we're going to click on get your API key now and you're going to have to sign up so you're going to have to create a free account and that's all you have to do.  Now I already have an account so I'm going to log in really quick. So this is our dashboard and right over here we have our API key and you can copy this key or you can generate a new key whenever you want to use it for different stuff or you just need a new key and we have our API key usage. Now you cannot just call it all the time forever you have limitations and this is pretty standard with most APIs. They don't want you just overloading their system right. You're going to have credits so we can only use this 333 times today which is really generous and so you know we can use this and call this a lot of different times. As you can see I've called this many times I've you know tested this quite a bit and this is fantastic so we're going to come back and use this key in a little bit. One thing that you should always look for when you're using an API is the API documentation which is right over here. Now the documentation for an API can be extremely important because not all APIs are set up exactly the same and so they're going to show you how to access it how to use the keys and it's really important that you read through this because they may have certain limitations or stipulations on how to use it. So for us we we're going to be using this and we're going to go to this quick start guide and I do recommend going through all of this I did but for the purpose of this video we're just going to take a really you know high level glance at this. So right here we're going to go over here to Python this is under the the quick start guide right here so they're going to show you you just need to sign up for the free account get your API key make a test call using your key and then you can switch it over to the the pro coin market cap later once you actually want to hit off the production environment but they want you to kind of test it out first. So I clicked on this Python and they are extremely generous in that they provide you with this code right here that you can just copy and paste and use right away and it uses this sandbox API to make sure that your your actual key right here is working properly. So what I'm going to do really quickly is I'm going to pull up a Jupyter notebooks and we're going to test this and I'm going to show you how to actually use it. All right so I have my API test notebook right here I have my API setup which I've already done all of this. So I'm just going to show you how to do it I've already done all of it so I might copy and paste some stuff to you know save me some time but what we're going to go back and do is we're going to go and copy all of this oops let's copy this right here and paste it into here. Now this API key right here I don't know if it's going to work let's test it out really quick it does work but that's not our API key so I'm guessing that we can't just use this forever this is just the one that they want you to use in this sandbox environment but we want to use our actual API key so that we can make those you know 333 calls each day and then what we're going to do is kind of go a little above and beyond that to kind of standardize the data because as you can see this is not super usable in its current state and then after that we're going to have all the data ready to go and we're going to set it up for a future video which I create an entire project around automating this and creating automated polls every hour or day and then we can create the dashboards for it and it's going to be a fantastic project in my opinion so let's go right back up here and we are going to go back so that we can grab our API key so this is our unique API key we're going to copy that and we're going to come right over here and we're going to paste it right where it says pro API key now this is my unique key but feel free to use it I created a dummy account so you can use this as much as you'd like I'll provide all the code in the description you can go and click on it download you know the code and use exactly what I have now if we go back to the documentation right here and we scroll down just a little bit this is using the sandbox API but if you come down just a little further it's going to tell us how to actually use our API key and it's going to say that we should target the domain of pro dash API so let's copy this and let's go right here and let's see if it works and it failed and I think I know the issue I need to get rid of this right here so now let's try it because I had two HTTPSs in there so now let's try this and see if we can get the data using the correct HTTPS so I was hoping that this was going to happen because this is exactly what happened to me the first time I tried to pull data from this coin market cap and I hadn't had this happen in a long time and I wanted to show you how to fix it so I'm honestly glad this happened so what we need to do is actually increase the the data rate limit so what we're going to do for that is we're going to search and we're going to say in a conda prompt and when we go in here this is for me at least we're going to paste this right here and I'll have again this will be in the in the code that I offer you it'll have this at the bottom you need to put in Jupyter notebook and we're going to increase the limit of the day that we can pull or increase our data rate limit and we're going to hit enter and it's going to do a bunch of stuff here give it one second and I think it fixed it let's run it and see if it worked all right so this obviously didn't work like it did last time for me which did not see coming if I'm being honest so I am on stack overflow trying to figure this out I'm going to kind of walk through this with you and see if we can figure this out together because if this happens to you it'd be really great if you know this would help you figure this out all right now I have this other one telling me to put this in let's see if this one works uh no that didn't work either all right guys so I got it to work I it was honestly by dumb luck uh if I'm being completely honest what I would do is try using this right here that's what I did and it worked but what I ended up doing is I just copied this local host I said copy or paste one of these into the URL so I was like hey let me try so I copied it I put it up here I went over here to API test notebook which is the one that we're using um and then I ran it again and it worked um again the half of this stuff is just like tinkering with it and figuring it out if you've ever watched one of my projects I show that stuff because this stuff is going to happen uh and so just a warning that if you were trying this and if you're actually using this around the code you may encounter that and those are the steps that I took to figure it out as you can see I have a ton of stuff up here um from all my testing of the last like 30 minutes to try to get this to work but now it works so now that we have the actual data in here really quickly I'm just going to show you how to normalize it and make it look a little better so if you can see this is actually in uh kind of this JSON format so use this JSON dot loads um in order to get it kind of into a usable state um but you know we're I'm going to show you how to do that but just to show you this is a type and we're going to the this is data right here um type of data it's in a dictionary format data type and so what we're going to do is import pandas as pd and then we're going to do pd dot set um well let me show you this in a little bit actually I'll write it out now that we have this we're going to import pandas and what we're going to do is we're going to do something called JSON normalize which is just going to make this look a lot prettier and you'll see that in a little bit because it's basically going to put it into a data frame so we're going to say pd dot JSON underscore normalize and we're going to say data and I know I haven't really showed you this data super well or or everything in it but inside this j this JSON which is kind of like nested there is uh data in here let me see if I can find it um so we have the status so we can pull in the status which um for the sake of it I'm going to show you how to do that um and you can see some of the um data that we can pull in the status let's try that real quick I think it was capitalized oh it wasn't let's do that and this is the data that's pulling in this is a timestamp this is the error message the total count some of the things that you see right up here right uh then right here we have our data now this is the actual data that we want so let's pull that in and as you can see it is much much better looking than it was just a second ago has all the things that we want as we can see we have bitcoin ethereum tether oops uh and and so we have all of these things over here we have um you know this dot dot dot that's what this right here is so what I'm going to do is I'm going to run this again and now we'll run this again and now we should be able to see every single column that's what this does it displays the max columns so now we can see every column and we can look at the last updated this is today's date at today's time and here's the price so we now can look at the price you may be seeing a lot of standard notation on this and you may want to know how to get rid of that I'll show you how to do that in the future video when I make the full project out of it but that is how you use an api now we have all this data we can put that into a csv we can keep it in the data frame you can do whatever you want with it you can then use this and put this into a website so you can display this information on your website there's a lot of things that you can now do with this data and that's how you are able to kind of connect to this and you are able to use these this key to access their api now again I didn't have to do almost any of this or write any of this because they already had it all written for me in the documentation so I highly suggest reading a lot more of that documentation I read through so much of it just to make sure I got everything right you want to make sure you're using their apis correctly and so I hope that this was helpful I'll leave the code down below in the description so you can click on it download it try to run it yourself if you run into the same issue that I did I'm so sorry I hope that you can figure it out faster than I did or use the methods that I showed you on how to actually you know see it and see the data so I hope that this has helped you learn a little bit more about apis and how they work and how you can actually use them to get data out of them if you're watching this in the future I hope that I have that project completed so you can just click on the link in the description or at the end of the video I should have that available thank you guys so much for watching I really appreciate it if you like this video be sure to like and subscribe below and I'll see you in the next video


A very warm welcome to all my audiences and to our special speaker today. So today is a very important topic, personally for me as well. And especially because in India this topic is not really talked about very often. So we have with us a known personality, a lot of you may know him, a lot of you may not know him. But I'm sure after the talk you may want to go up and look up his body of work on this particular subject that we're going to be talking about. The title of the talk today is toxic relationships. We talk about what exactly are toxic relationships, what is emotional abuse, what are the coping mechanisms and how can you recognize a narcissist abuse really and what is it basically. So, let me welcome Sam Vaknen. He's an Israeli writer. He's the author of Melignan self laugh narcissism, the pioneering work about narcissistic abuse. His work is quoted well over 1000 scholarly publications in over 3000 books. He has a wide social media presence and topics not limited to narcissists, psychopaths and abuse with more than 32.1 million viewers and 145,000 subscribers. That's huge.  He has served as an editor of mental health disorders categories in the open directory projastic about relationships with abusive narcissist. His work published on many other websites, mental health matters, mental health sanctuary mental health today. Kathy is mental health review and others. He writes a column for Bella online on narcissism and abusive relationships and is frequent contributor on a lot of websites. He served as an author of the personality disorders topic. Narcissist personality disorder topic, the verbal and emotional abuse topic and spousal abuse and domestic violence, all four on suit 101. He has made film appearances and has been a speaker in a lot of conferences. Welcome, Sam. I'm very happy to have you here and to tell you frankly, it was super difficult for me to concise your profile into one page profile. And you still managed to miss the most important thing. I'm a professor of psychology in Southern Federal University or so on. I'm also obliged by my contract to mention that I'm a professor of finance and a professor of psychology in the global outreach program of CS known as see ups the Center for International Advanced and Professional Studies. I realize that I have to mention it by my. No, thank you for adding that time to any public appearance and I'm compelled to it. Yes, when I started my work in 1995. There was definitely no public awareness of narcissism. The last major studies of narcissism were in 1974 by the likes of Franz Kogut and Otto Kenberg and others. And before that, there were studies of narcissism. The beginning of the century. There was absolutely no interest in narcissism or definitely you couldn't find anything online. So I put up the first website on narcissism and for nine years, the only website on narcissism I also established six support groups for victims of narcissistic abuse and they were the only support again for nine years. I suggested at the time to make a distinction between toxic relationships, emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, I've been asked many, many times, why did we need yet another label. Yeah, it was enough to say abuse, why we needed to, we needed to come up with a sub species or sub type of abuse called narcissistic abuse. The reason is that narcissistic abuse is very much unlike, not like classical abuse in relationships and toxic relationships is yet another matter. So let's try very briefly to delineate the differences between the three. So the toxic relationship is any relationship, whether it involves abuse or not. Any relationship within which you cannot set boundaries, and within which you cannot evolve, grow and develop personally to self actualize your potential to borrow a phrase from muscle. Any relationship like this, even if your partner is the best, most loving, most caring, most doting, most pampering, most spoiling, most accepting, most warm partner, if he does not allow you to set boundaries, have a private sphere to pursue your interests, to develop, to evolve, to grow, to have a separate life, then it's a toxic environment. Now we have such relationships for instance, when one of the partners is codependent, or when one of the partners is a borderline, a person with borderline personality disorder. In many of these relationships, there's actually no abuse whatsoever, but they stand, they stultify, they suffocate and they stagnate, the members of the diet, members of the couple, and so they're toxic. Then we come to abuse. Abuse is many forms of course. They are the classical forms of abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse. They are the less classical forms, financial abuse, legal abuse. And then there's a whole class of abuse which has to do with exactly the opposite. Pampering, doting, spoiling, isolating you from reality, from the friction with reality which enhances learning and growth and personal development.  But over being overprotective, this is also a form of abuse because it doesn't allow you to develop boundaries. Which is interesting. Anything that doesn't allow you to develop boundaries. Anything that doesn't let you fend off for yourself. Anything that doesn't permit inner processes, inner dynamics to develop.  Anything of that nature is abuse as well. So this is classical abuse, narcissistic abuse, which is a phrase that I coined. I invented narcissistic abuse. I coined this phrase for good, good, good professional reason. It's totally different to the first types. It's not a toxic relationship and not abuse in any form. Narcissistic abuse is when your partner negates, vitiates, viciously attacks on multiple vectors, your existence as a separate entity.  It is an existential type of abuse. Other types of abuse target some dimension. If your partner mocks you, he targets your intellectual inferiority. If your partner steals your money, that's financial abuse. All other types of abuse usually target one or two dimensions. Narcissistic abuse targets you as an entity, as a separate individual and tries to eliminate you. Why? Because the narcissist is not interacting with you. Narcissism, pathological narcissism, is the inability to distinguish external objects from internal objects. The narcissist internalizes external objects. He takes a snapshot of you. He interiorizes this snapshot and he continues to interact with that idealized snapshot, not with you. Gradually, you diverge from the snapshot. The snapshot is static, snapshot is perfect, snapshot is idealized, and you diverge from it. You become different. You learn new things, you develop new skills, you have new friendships, you go on trips, you begin to diverge from this snapshot. The narcissist resents this because it threatens his sense of safety and security that he will not be abandoned. So it threatens what we call object constancy, object permanence. Narcissism needs to believe that he is 100% in control of you, that you will never abandon him, never leave him, he will never lose you.  It's the only way. So as you diverge from the snapshot, the narcissist resents you for not remaining faithful to the original snapshot. So he begins to punish you. And gradually he wants you gone. He wants you to disappear because you keep challenging the snapshot. You keep rendering the narcissist insecure, unsafe, frightened and anxious. You become a source of frustration and a provoker of aggression, and he wants to gun.  And this is of course what we call in psychology ambivalence. He has ambivalent feelings about you.   He wants you to conform to the snapshot. If you conform too much to the snapshot, you're dead. You're dysfunctional. So it's a no-win situation. And this is the core of narcissistic abuse, the attempt to eliminate the frustrating object, you. Can you please give examples on how can a person recognize that, okay, you know, now this is an abuse. It's not a healthy criticism, and it's bordering to an abuse. And I am in a relationship with a narcissist disorder person. How can we find that out? It's a very good question because it's really difficult to tell. But I will give you one principle. We'll try to keep this event to the simplest possible rules of thumb so that it's practical for people. Yes. I'll give you one single test.  He constantly interferes in your life and micromanages it, but based on discontent with who you are.  They accept who you are. He just wants to micromanage your life to control you and to modify you because he is profoundly unhappy with any change in you, any glimmer of growth, any hint of personal autonomy, any sign of independence. He wants to put you down. He wants to suppress you. He wants the spark in you, gun. He wants to become zombified and non-responsive, non-objecting, non-challenging, non-contesting, fully obedient, fully compliant, fully submissive, utterly malleable piece of clay that he can sculpt into what he wants at any given moment according to his perceived needs. So the way you are is a challenge. It's an insult. It's an injury. It's bad. Once it's gone, he does not want you to have anything outside the remit of the relationship as he and only he defines it. If he is constantly unhappy with you, constantly critical, constantly mocking or deriding or decrying or chastising or hectoring or preaching or analyzing or if it's a constant background activity, it's narcissistic abuse. It also sounds very intense. It gives me a thought, you know, why would someone want to be with a person like that? But in spite of saying that, I know a lot of people who are into relationships like this. What takes the becoming of a narcissist? First of all, it's very important to understand that narcissism is not merely a mental disorder. What we call a culture-bound syndrome. In other words, it's heavily influenced by cultural and societal context. In some cultures and societies, narcissism emerges naturally out of the ethos, the values, the belief system that permeate and pervade that nation, that culture, that society, that period even, period in history. So narcissism goes up and down, it's not merely a clinical entity, it's not maybe like tuberculosis. It's something that is heavily influenced. In some cultures, for example, where men are considered superior, there's a chauvinistic, patriarchal, anti-female, fear of female sexuality and female autonomy and female independence and so on. So relationships will tend to gravitate to narcissistic abuse without necessarily the presence of the clinical entity of narcissism. But there will be narcissistic behaviors and traits which conform to societal values and mores. In periods in history, psychopathy and narcissism are the bonton, for example, Nazi Germany and perhaps today's United States, where narcissism and psychopathy are the way to go. In July 2016, new scientists came up with a cover story. New scientists is a very prestigious academic magazine and came up with a cover story. Parents teach your children to be narcissists. There are academics and scholars who claim that narcissism and psychopathy are positive evolutionary adaptations. And they use phrases like high functioning narcissists, productive narcissists. Many, many like Dutton and other, Makobi, they claim that we should put psychopaths in charge of corporate affairs, business, politics, some branches of medicine like surgery. So you see, you can't divorce narcissism from other social memes and social trends and social beliefs and so on. So in some societies, naturally, the natural mode of relationship would be narcissistic abuse. It would be the common, the common mode, where the man has a right to mold, to mold his wife, to shape her, to sculpt her. He has a right, an inbred cultural societal right to control her and micromanage her life and to deny her autonomy and independence and growth and development and education and access and power. It's normal. I can mention societies which are not necessarily backward societies. For example, Russia. In Russia, this is where I teach. This is definitely the efforts. The men has all the rights, possibly because there's a, there are much, the number of women is much higher than the number of men. There's a deficiency of men. So men can dictate the conditions in terms. In other societies, narcissistic abuse is meted out by women, not by men in some societies. So I think that in Western societies like Canada, United States, Israel, women are beginning to be much more narcissistic and by consequence, much more abusive than men. I was coming to that question, whether it is gender specific or it is not. No gender specific. For example, in the 1980s, when narcissistic personality disorder was first, first entered the Bible of the profession diagnostic and statistical manual in North America at least. The number of men, the number of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, the number of men diagnosed was about 76%. So something like four-fifth of all people diagnosed with NPD were men. Today it's 50-50. It seems that narcissism is closely correlated to gender roles, closely correlated to the masculine gender role. As a man, acting as a man implies heightened level of narcissism. And so when women begin to act as men, and more specifically as psychopathic men or narcissistic men, when actually we have reached a situation in the West that we have unigender. We have this one gender with two types of genitalia. As far as gender role, there is no distinction anymore between men and women in the West. So there you see the incidents and prevalence of narcissism explode among women to the point that they're equal to men. And my, in my belief is that in a few years, there will be more women narcissists than men, because they are still very excited by being able to be men. Men and women is not biology. Biology is male-female. Biology is genitalia. Biology is hormones. Male and female is biology. Men-woman is land, is acquired, is socialized, and is not dependent on genitalia. We have in North Albania, we have situations where women assume the role of men. And they have the right to sit in coffee houses and smoke in public, which is inconceivable for an Albanian woman. But she decides no longer to be a woman, she decides to be a man. She dresses up as a man, she flattens her breasts with a special device, and she sits in coffee houses and smokes in public. And it's okay, she's treated as a man, as far as property rights and everything under the canon. So being a man is a decision. And it seems intimately connected with heightened narcissism and some antisocial behaviors, such as defiance, reactance, lack of impulse control, goal orientation, and so on. So coming back to your question, in patriarchal, more conservative, more traditional societies, the preferred, the preferred relationship model would be narcissistic abuse. That would be the prevalent preferred relationship model. And in some societies, aggression, including physical aggression, like battering and domestic violence, would be a mode of communicating love and affection. I've heard with my own ears, women say, he stopped beating me up, he doesn't love me anymore.  But that's because he loves me. They identify aggression, physical aggression, beating, with love. There's no universal rule in psychology. It's about the human mind. The human mind is not the same in India, in Indonesia, in Nigeria and in Russia and in Israel and the United States. It's not the same. It's influenced by so many factors and determinants that we can't generalize and we should not generalize. Yeah, very well said. It's very individualistic to every person and plus every country as well, based on their cultural. That's why that's why I don't believe psychology can ever be a science. I think it's absolutely out of the question. Yeah, well said. So, Sam, I want to bring a little focus on the fact that you mentioned that putting a person on pedestal can also lead to actually making the person inclined towards narcissistic behaviors. Can you elaborate a little more on that? Because it's not very uncommon, especially in our country for people to be very doting and supportive of children even after 18 years old. So we all live with our parents until for long years, we are still dependent on them for a lot of things. So I want you to talk a little more about that. First of all, in adults, there is the equivalent of late onset narcissism. Adult narcissism and that we, I mean, this is called acquired situational narcissism. There has been a series of studies by a professor called Milman in Harvard University, and he studied rock rock stars. He discovered that rock stars were not narcissists before they became rock stars. But the exigencies and the pressures and the inducements and the exposure, the incentives and the pressure from fans caused them to become narcissists. And they were, after they had become rock stars, they had been diagnosable as suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. In fact, life circumstances can induce narcissism. Actually, we are discovering that victims of complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is very common in relationships with narcissists victims of CPTSD are indistinguishable from borderline personality disorder. So CPTSD, and today the major scholars who are trying to concept reconceptualize borderline personality disorder is a form of complex trauma. And I am trying to reconceptualize narcissistic personality disorder is a post traumatic condition. So we see that many situations in life becoming a celebrity being traumatized induce personality disorders of varying types. And so personality disorders can definitely be reactive and be in a way acquired. Putting someone on a pedestal is not elevating that person. It's imprisoning that person. It's placing this person in a golden cage of expectations. Bob Dylan learned it the hard way. When he had one style of music, and then he wanted to experiment, his fans turned viciously against him, attacked him rapidly, started to hate him. He was penalized, punished horribly for daring to experiment with his music to try to grow, to develop, to express himself. He was not allowed to. When we put someone on a pedestal we put a child on a pedestal it's even worse I'll come to it in a minute but even when we put an adult on a pedestal. This is incarceration. There is a public eye, no privacy. There are, there are expectations that even when violated. The person is penalized harshly. There is replacement of one's true self with a false self imposed by the public. The public could be two people, mother and father. The public could be one person and admiring sibling doesn't matter public doesn't have to be 20 million people. Even by admiring sister. It's a problem. You can't be yourself anymore. You're beginning to act. You're beginning to act. You're beginning to fake. You're beginning to divorce yourself gradually. What did we say about narcissistic abuse is when you are not accepted as you are. The narcissist doesn't want you as you are.  If someone admires you he doesn't want you to be as you are. He has idealized idealization idealizing someone is objectifying this someone. When you idealize someone you render you render her an object. Because how can you change someone only if she's an object and inert and moving malleable available object, which you can then sculpt like Michelangelo, you know, sculpt it in a way that corresponds to your values beliefs ideals prejudices biases. So when this is done to a child is soul destroying it induces induces lifelong pathology. Why? The most important role of a parent is to push away the child. More simple, not to laugh. Not to laugh. Love is number two. A good enough parent. The main contribution to a child's life is pushing the child away. The child needs to separate from the parent in order to become an individual. Separating from the parent is a very traumatic and frightening process. The parent needs to serve as what we call a safe base. The child needs to know that he will not be punished. If he separates from the parent if he goes away. If he explores the world. If he ventures out. If he's curious. If he individuates you become an individual. He will not be punished. No many parents are selfish, immature, narcissistic, depressive, exploitative, objectifying instrumentalizing the child. They use the child to gratify their own wishes and dreams. These are bad parents. They call this kind of mother in 1981. Dead mother. These are bad parents. Because they broadcast to the child the message. I'm going to love you. I'm going to admire you. I'm going to worship you. I'm going to protect you from reality. I'm going to defend you from the consequences of your actions. You will never pay for your misconduct and misbehavior as long as I'm alive. But here's the price. You will never leave me. You will never leave me. You will never become your own person.  Here's the deal. I love you conditionally. My love is conditioned on your performance. And your performance is conditioned on my wishes. On my needs. On my dreams.   You are going. I wanted to be an actress.  I wanted to be a medical doctor. You're going to be a medical doctor. I wanted to be a pianist. You will be a pianist for me. For me. You will be my the reification of my unfulfilled dreams and wishes and hopes. And you will never leave me. Never. You will never leave me.   And while you are with me. You will serve me in a variety of ways. Maybe physically, maybe emotionally. There's a lot of emotional insist. A lot of emotional insist. Very, very unhealthy dynamics. And the child cannot grow. Cannot separate cannot individuate and remains a child for the rest of his life. This is called the Peter Pan Syndrome. Or poor items.  So what is your suggestion for people who are currently in a relationship with a narcissist? Could be an intimate partner, could be a parent, could be a close friend who they're living with or a husband or a wife. What's your recommendation for them? What is the strategy to cope with a person like this? There's no such thing you cannot leave the relationship. End of story. Unless you are amputated, amputated and quadriplegic, you can leave the relationship and even then you can leave the relationship. There is no such thing. All these excuses is because you do not want to leave the relationship. You don't want to leave the relationship because there are financial benefits to staying in the relationship or because you like to own property, your own. Because it will create chaos and mayhem in your life and you are not willing to cope with them.  I do not buy any, I've never in 26 years since I invented the phrase narcissistic abuse. I have yet to come across a true and good reason to not leave a relationship with a narcissist. I have yet to hear such a reason. You should treat everyone who is a narcissistic abuser in your life the same way.   No big deal. If you leave your husband, you will not be living in the sumptuous palace that he had built for both of you. No big deal. If you never see your son again, it's going to break your heart. No big deal. You have to walk away and there is no excuse not to walk away. If you're not walking away, it's because you don't want to walk away. Ask yourself why.  What's more important to you than these things?  Are you so averse to pain? Are you so fragile and vulnerable? What are you made of candy or sugar? Rain will melt you. What is it about you? Why do you reject life? Because life is pain. Growth is pain. Change is pain. Why do you reject life? To stay with a narcissist. To remain in a relationship with an abuser. Not only narcissist, any abuser. Is to choose death. To reject life. To renounce what life has to offer. And the price and the cost of these offerings. We all, but you know, we live in an age. We live in a period of history. Where we refuse absolutely to assume any risk. And we avoid pain and hurt. If anything is risky, it's bad. If anything is painful, it's bad. If anything hurts you, you should avoid it. All three are wrong. Risk, pain, hurt, a good, almost exclusive engines of growth, development, and the only pathway to happiness. Everything has a cost. There's no free lunch. So I'm sorry, but I reject the premise. Yeah, I like this. So Sam coming to the follow on question is now we want to get away from that relationship and walk away from there. Is there a way to amicably ended because at times the other person may not want to leave you and you don't want to be an enemy of that person and maintain things normally. I think it's a bit too late to ask this question. And narcissistic abuser by definition is your enemy is trying to eliminate you. What you what you're asking actually is can we convert an enemy to a friend. I can tell you narcissistic or not. It's usually not possible.  That's not a friend. It's an enemy. How likely are you to convert an enemy to a friend? Not very, if at all.  No one says that you should be rude. You should not provoke enmity. You should not provoke aggression. You should not be rude. You should not be uncivil. But you should be a certain you should be firm. You should be clear about what you want about what you need about the red lines about your boundaries. You should present this information in a concise and precise manner to the other party saying these are this is what I want. This is what I need. I will not go beyond this red line. I will not accept this and I will accept this. These are there for my boundaries. If you breach my boundaries, I will do this to you. This will be the cost. If you don't breach my boundaries, I'm willing to make the following concessions. We can end it this way or we can end it this way. The communication should be detached, called formal, preferably through a profession, like an attorney or an accountant. But if not, it should be clear and precise, but it should not be hostile, should not be rude, should not be uncivil. If he reacts in a hostile, rude and uncivil manner, it compromises him. In any case you win, but important and the main problem of victims, the number one, two and three problem. They don't know what they want. They're ambivalent about what they want. They want to live. They don't want to live. They're in love. They hate the guy. They love the guy. They miss him. They want him back. No, they don't want him back. They're willing to accept this. No, they're not willing to accept this. Actually, why not accept it? They're not, they're discombobulated. They're totally all over the place. That's no way to win a war. The first task of a victim of narcissistic abuse is to talk to one, not to her abuser, to herself. To ask herself, who am I? Because in years of narcissistic abuse, the victim loses her identity, loses her core. She borrows many elements of identity from her abuser. She merges with her abuser. She fuses with the abuser, especially if she's codependent. Her identity becomes the abuser's identity. She needs to separate these two. She needs to ask herself, these elements, are they mine? Or did I borrow these elements from him? His voice is in my head. It's called introject. The process is called introjection. It has a name. His voice is in my head. It drowns out my voice.  I need to shut him up there. I need to listen to me. Who am I? Who am I? What do I need? What do I want? What am I willing to pay for what I want? What are my boundaries, acceptable and non-acceptable behavior? If someone breaches my boundaries, how do I make him pay? If someone is within my boundaries, how do I collaborate with him? You need to get certain clarity about reconstruct, I think Jung called it a constellation. Reconstolate yourself. Rebuild yourself. You've been devastated by an invasion of the body snatchers. That's your narcissistic abuser. You need to rebuild the city. You need to rebuild the city and the fortress and the walls and the firewalls. And only then can you embark on the next stage, communicating with him.   You need to be with a very strong core in Cornell to interact with an abuser, let alone negotiate with an abuser. I viewed a lot of your videos before actually coming for this particular talk because I myself didn't know so much about it. And you spoke about discard from a narcissist or being in no contact with a narcissist and then some of them come back to you again. How do you break that pattern? Well, here's a simple rule in psychology. Whatever you do is a choice. And whatever you choose is good for you. You never choose to do anything that's bad for you. That's a myth.  But essentially, I mean, the overwhelming vast majority of humanity, whatever they do is a choice. Everything is a choice. There is nothing in human conduct or behavior that is not a choice. Everything is a choice. And being relatively rational entities, whatever we choose, we choose because it gratifies something. It provides something. It's good in some way. The codependent is Hoover returns back to her narcissist because he still has something to offer her which outweighs the disadvantages. So what he has to offer, he offers her what I call shared fantasy. He allows her to merge with him. He provides her with psychological functions that she cannot provide internally. So she relies on him for some psychological functions that she cannot generate internally. He shields her from reality. He provides an imaginary fantastic space. He shields her from reality. He provides his functional. There's something she's getting from him. Only when she hits rock bottom in the sense that what he has to offer her is insufficient to cover up for the shortcomings and disadvantages and pain and hurt. Only then she will not be Hoover back. What can we do to help these people? Nothing. That's the answer. Because their choice is Russia. You can't help. You can't. I mean, it would be irrational of me to tell a codependent don't go back to your narcissistic abuser, because if she's contemplating it, let alone doing it. She must have an excellent reason to tell her you're wrong is to position myself in in the position of her abuser. Imagine a codependent comes to me and says I want to go back to my narcissistic abuser. I tell her what?  Are you insane? Can't you see what's happening? You should never go back. That's what abuser is doing. Her abuser is doing to her. I'm stepping into the shoes of her abuser. It shows fundamental profound disrespect for her as though she is a child incapable of analysis and rational thinking. Incapable of knowing what's good for her. Incapable of making choices. Bad therapies. Bad therapies. Do this. They supplant their own judgment, their own decision making for the patients, for the clients. That's wrong. You should never become the client's father or mother or guru. Freud warned against this. He said he called it transference and counter transference. These are pathological processes in therapy. So a codependent wants to go back to her abuser. Probably she's getting something out of her. Trust her enough to assume that when the equation is unbalanced, she will not go back. Never mind how hard he tries to hoover. And then the work starts. The minute she hit, she had hit rock bottom and decided to not go back. That's when we should step in and intervene. Provider with tools to tell apart who she is from, I mean, to disentangle the enmeshment. Break the trauma bond. Break the merger and diffusion, the single organism with two heads. We can help her with that. We can help her to discover who she is. We can help her to develop boundaries and communication protocols with her abuser. I mean, that's when we should step in. But as long as she is in two minds, whether to go back or not, walk away. No way to help her. Only reality can wake her up. You can't. And if you're trying to force your view on her, you're abusing her. Yeah.  Narcissism is not even COVID-19. It's not. Narcissism is not something that is grafted onto the narcissist, like a tumor. Let's say a very big tumor that you can excise. I don't know what's your specialty. I'm also a medical doctor. I don't know what she's doing. So it's not, it's a systemic thing. It's not that the narcissist has narcissism. The narcissist is narcissism. It's not a question of healing. It's not even a question of changing. The narcissist can modify behaviors if he sees the benefit. So if you provide him with rational inducements to alter antisocial, abrasive, offensive behaviors, he will. He will. CBT is very successful with this. Variants of CBT, such as EMDR, schema therapy. We have a monopoly of therapies which work well in modifying certain mind you. It's a very, very small subset of narcissistic behaviors because we show the narcissist that not modifying the behavior undermines his grandiosity, his superiority and his counterproductive.  You're right. If I modify behavior one, seven and nine, I'm going to obtain more supply. I'm going to reach my goal faster and more assuredly. So I'm going to modify my behavior. But this is not to do with the core or with the essence. The narcissist is his narcissism and the psychopath is even more so his psychopathy. There's no way to change this, to cure or to heal. There's no new treatment modality called therapy. And even I don't claim, even I don't claim that my therapy heals the narcissist or cures the nose. My therapy gets rid of the narcissist for self and reduces the narcissist needs, eliminates the narcissist need for narcissistic supply. This is a behavior. It's not the core. It's a behavior. I'm converting the grandiosity narcissistic supply before sell into other psychodynamic processes. I'm using the energy instead of lighting a bulb to open my computer. I mean, I'm re re channeling redirecting the energy. That's all I'm doing. Let's call therapy. I'm called therapy is an amalgamation of 43 therapies. I to the techniques of 43 therapies treatment modalities, and I merge them.  It's a compendium. And even this therapy has super minimal effect on the narcissist. For example, he doesn't develop empathy. He cannot perceive other people as external objects. He, he doesn't become compassionate. I mean, he, he still is largely in human. And I'm using the word in human very judicious. People have been criticizing me for saying that narcissists and psychopaths are less than human. They say that's hate speech. That's not hate speech. That's a scientific observation. What makes a human human. First of all, empathy. Number one, the empathy is the foundation of a theory of mind, a theory about how other people operate. What makes them tick. And also the foundation of morality. So empathy is at the core of all interpersonal relationships. Second thing is emotions emotions are intimately connected to cognition some say that emotions are a subtype of clinicians. And the third thing I would say is a perception of oneself that is both boundary and realistic. So reality testing with regards to oneself and 12. Put the three together, you get a human being. Can you have a human being without empathy? Maybe. Can you have a human being without emotions? No. No. Can you have a human being without boundaries, external internal. Yes. But the very sick human being that would be, for example, a psychotic. Can you have a human being without all three. Empathy emotions and perception of external and internal. No way. I'm sorry. No way. I don't recognize this life form as human. It's a life form. It's carbon based. And it shares many things with other humans, for example, hardware. But as far as software, it's a different operating system. So is there something like healthy narcissists? I read up about this also in some article, which they said, you know, like you also mentioned right now a lot of countries in fact say that a narcissist should be on corporate jobs and leading the countries and for growth. So how do you think a narcissist can contribute to the society? A narcissist cannot contribute to society. A narcissist is someone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, a very destructive and self-destructive person, and he cannot contribute to society.  Examples, Adolf Hitler, to some extent Donald Trump. A narcissist cannot. Someone with narcissistic, what Theodore Millen, the scholar Theodore Millen called narcissistic personality or narcissistic style is distinct from a narcissist. Narcissism, pathological narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical entity. It's a severe mental illness. These kind of people cannot contribute. People with narcissistic style. Behaviors, traits, personality. Well, depends in some context they can contribute. And does everyone have narcissism? Yes, of course. Is it on a spectrum? No. Healthy narcissism has nothing in common with malignant narcissism. As Freud himself said, Freud coined the word narcissism in 1914. And he said there are two types of narcissism, primary narcissism and secondary narcissism, and they have nothing in common. I fully agree. I don't agree with everything Freud said, but I fully agree with this. They have nothing in common. Healthy narcissism, for example, is subject to reality testing. It's a very realistic self assessment. It's telling yourself, I know what I'm stronger, I know what I'm wicked, I know my limitations, I know my talents, I know my skills, I know my capabilities, I know what I can accomplish and cannot accomplish. I know when I need other people to work with, collaborate with. I need this emotional in other ways. That's healthy narcissism. It's a foundation of a well regulated sense of self worth, self esteem and self confidence. It has nothing whatsoever to do with malignant narcissism. Perhaps it's unfortunate that the same word is used. Healthy narcissism relies on a reality tests or reality testing where malignant narcissism is a fantasy. It's a delusion bordering, as Kernberg said, on psychosis. It's very, very, very sick. If you want to see malignant narcissists in operation, watch the movie Joker. I mean, Joker in the movie created a mass movement. Mass movement with values, some of which are positive values, for example, equality, income equality, you know, attack on the celebrity culture. Some of the values that Joker propagated were actually positive values. And narcissism became a cottage industry with billions of dollars who had never studied the topic, who never heard of the topic. Overnight declared themselves to be experts on the topic. It's deplorable, absolutely deplorable. Many of them are online, sporting the title doctor. But when you go to check who these people are, did they ever publish a paper on narcissism? Now, are they teaching personality disorders or narcissism in their own universities? No. Are they teaching in a new university? No. Some of their doctorates are irrelevant. I mean, it's an abomination what's happened. But people discovered there's a lot of money. Suddenly there's, you know, this explosion of self-styled experts. There are very few experts and these experts are not online. The world's leading psychological experimentalists on narcissism are John Twinge and Keith Campbell. And they're not online. Kernberg is not online. The real experts, the giants of the field are not online. Even I, which maybe I'm not in this august company, although I contributed more than these people actually, but even I deeply regret that I'm online. I am driven by a missionary educational instinct or reflex. But I'm paying a very, very serious personal price for being exposed to the cesspool that is social media. And these scholars and academics, they don't want this. All the knowledge we have about narcissism emanates from 10, 15 scholars and not one of them is online. And those who are online never heard of narcissism before they became overnight experts. It's really, really shameful and disgraceful. And they propagate and spew the most incredible nonsense. I'm a lone scholarly voice. I am a professor of psychology and I teach narcissism. And I'm alone in this, but I can't, I can't fight these people alone. And because they tell victims what they want to hear, they perpetuate the state of victimhood and they glorify the state of victimhood. If you're victim means you are superior. So you should remain a victim. People don't want to hear, for example, that victims of narcissists are transformed into narcissists and psychopaths by the experience. They don't want to hear, they don't want to hear that they had been infected, like vampires, you know, they've been beaten. And now they are acting as narcissists and psychopaths, which they do. They don't want to hear this. And they don't want to hear that they didn't become a victim by mistake, that it was a choice, that something is wrong with them to have made this choice. They should look first of all at themselves. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with my abuser? They don't want to hear this message. And they don't want to hear the message that they are not morally superior to their abuser. In colluding with the abuse, abuse is a tango. Abuse is a dance macabre. It's a collaboration. It's a collusion. It's a conspiracy. It's a cult. It's a cult. They don't want to hear this. They want to consider themselves magnets. Magnets have no will. Magnets make no choice. Magnets make no decisions. Magnets are poor, passive, totally innocent creatures who have been devoured by the world. You know, this is the message that you get in 99.999% of YouTube channels. Why? Because it sells. I could generalize and say that all narcissists are self aware. It's not a question of self awareness. It's a question of how they interpret the same information. If I am abrasive and obnoxious and aggressive as a narcissist, I will know I will be self aware that I'm like that. And you will be aware that I'm like that because you will be, you will be at the receiving end of my aggression and obnoxiousness and abuse. So I'll abuse you and I will tell myself I'm abusing her. I am self aware. And you will tell yourself is abusing me. So we both agree on something. You're being abused. We both agree. But you will interpret it differently to me. I will say I'm abusing her because I'm superior to her. It's good for her. I will reframe. I will create what we call an egocintonic narrative, a narrative that is that I feel comfortable with that enhances my grandiosity that supports my self images of perception delusional and fantastic as it is. So narcissists are fully aware of who they are, how they behave, but they don't regard it as a disorder or a problem. On the contrary, they say that these particular traits and behaviors which other people feel find objectionable. These behaviors and traits render them winners. This is what makes them creative. This is what guarantees accomplishments. This makes them pillars of the community and the successes that they are. They regarded disorder, what you call disorder is evolutionary advantage. They worship their disorder. They're emotionally invested in their disorder, but you can't worship or be emotionally invested in something you're not aware of. You are aware, but you cast it in a positive light. So, yes, most narcissists are self aware. And those who are self aware are very, very proud of the narcissism and will never let it go. They're in love with a disorder. They're infatuated with the effects of their disorder because they think the disorder renders them self efficacious. The disorder allows them to extract beneficial outcomes from the environment, gives them enhanced agency. Many of them say that they are the next step in the evolutionary ladder. They agree with me that they're not human. They are superhuman. They're the next stage. They're serious about it. Thank you so much, Sam. And I wanted to give a last message to everybody who has realized and is aware that they are in an abusive relationship to the one message for the abuser and one message for people who are in the relationship. Abuses have very little incentive. Not to not be abused. Because the number of women with, for example, if it's a man, we said earlier that men, this equal number of men and women or narcissists. But abuses, the number of, for example, if it's a male abuser, number of women with daddy issues, number of damaged, broken mentally ill women. The reservoir of potential prey and victims is infinite in terms of a single individual. So there's no incentive to modify your behaviors, especially if modifying your behaviors is perceived as a narcissistic injury. Modifying your behavior means that you are weak, that you're inferior, that someone is dictating to you. And you're God. You're Godlike. Being Godlike, you're perfection. Nothing should be altered. Nothing should be changed. You should definitely not listen to outside advice, to exhortation, to criticism, to demands. You should never bargain. You should never compromise. So both psychologically and practically. Abuses have no incentive to change. Victims have every incentive to change. Problem with victims is that they're not self aware. Actually, ironically, victims are not self aware, not narcissists. The problem with victims is it takes them an inordinately long time to accept that they're victims. Partly because it negates their narcissism. So they can't accept their victims and having accepted the victims, they start to bargain. It's okay, I've just realized this is wrong. I'm going to talk to my abuser and modify his behavior. So they have unrealistic agenda. It's all delusional. It's all fantastic. They refuse to let go in numerous myriad ways. The problem is with victims, not with abusers. The sooner the victim realizes that she's a victim. The better. And the sooner she strives to change this status to get rid of it. The better. The thing is that there is a whole industry. As I said before, who perpetuates people who perpetuate victim. They glorify victim leverage victim would for sometimes financial gain. And sometimes just to have power over other people like foreign, foreign moderators and so on. And because victims have an interest to remain victims. It's egocintonic. It's good feels good feels fuzzy. It's morally self justified. And it excuses you from responsibility and guilt. It's something constitutional. It's like a biological thing. What can you do for you? You're victim. That's where you are. That had become your identity. Not a behavioral choice, but an identity. People are heavily invested in their identity. If you are a fan of a football club becomes part of your identity. If you follow Donald Trump, it's part of your identity. I mean, identity is impossible to challenge. I deal with that in my latest video as well. And so when, when the victim, victims, victim would becomes a determinant and dimension of her identity. Forget about it is no way to change this exactly. As there's no way to change the narcissist, because narcissism is his identity. And so the two collaborate. This is six victims and make no mistake about it. Victims actively seek abusers. Because their comfort zone is being abused. To be abused is their comfort zone. And they seek abusers vehemently adamantly fervently. And they adore abusers because abusers make them feel comfortable. These women feel good only when they feel bad. And so they need someone to make them feel bad. And if he doesn't, there's something called projective identification. They force you to abuse them. Now, is this a fringe phenomenon? No. It's the majority of victims. And this is my anger and fury at the online environment that YouTube is most specifically YouTube. Because it enhances and amplifies these tendencies, doesn't negate them or contradict them. Doesn't help the victims to stop being victims. But perpetuates victimhood in a variety of ways. So both parties are not innocent. There are no saints here. Man. They're not innocent. The narcissist's comfort zone is to abuse others. The victim's comfort zone is to abuse, to be abused. They collaborate. They create a shared psychosis or shared fantasy. Within which both of them delusionally and fantastically are infatuated in love. Compliment each other. Two parts of the same pole, merge and fuse and relegate to each other functions, psychological functions. We call them ego functions. So the codependent or the victim or the intimate partner, I call them the insignificant adults. She fulfills ego functions for the narcissists. And the narcissist does the same for her. It's working. These relationships are functional, not dysfunctional. That's why they are absolutely hellishly difficult to break. Trauma bonding may be pathological. It is. But it's working. Exactly as narcissism may be a dysfunction or a pathology, but it is a positive adaptation. It helps you to survive, to thrive and to succeed. In today's world, what is better to be a nice guy or Donald Trump? Donald Trump. He's the president of the United States. He has all the beautiful girls. He has the billions in the bank or so he claims. He has the fame. He has the celebrity. He has the orange hair. What do you have? What do you have? Non-narcissist. Nothing. Nothing. So it pays to be a narcissist. It's a positive adaptation. And now it pays to be a victim. It's a positive adaptation. Thank you so much, Sam. I have so many comments from people here. Everyone is very thankful to you. It was really, really insightful. And we want to thank you for the contribution that you are to the society at large. So I want to thank all the audiences who are watching this live. And also thank you to people who will watch a replay of this later. And this is Dr. Sam Vaknen with us live. And I am Dr. Hemavjad. I will see you again next week. Same time with a different guest. Thank you so much.


Ohm... Ohm... Ohmkra? Ohmkra? How about Ochre Corbin? Why don't we just go with that? That's actually what I wanted to say.  I'm Corbin. This is Rick. Hi. And this is a very requested trailer, especially after Hater. Yes. Um, you said he's done. We knew he did a kind of a trilogy, right? Different Shakespeare's. Yes. And it conceived them as a whole. Like when he did this, it wasn't like, I'll do this and do this. It was like, these are the three I'm going to do, and I'm going to do them in this order. Yeah. So this is the Othello? He says? Othello, also known as Ochre, in certain circles of Thespianatic study. But it's obviously by... Vashal Vagwash. Vashal Vagwash. Yes. Vagwash. Vashal, who, I mean, talk about having a lot to live up to for me. Yeah. It has Karina Kapoor in it. Sweet. So we just saw her. And I don't know if it has anybody else. Because the other one has Irfan Khan and Thipu. Thipu. What is her name? Thipu. What is her name? You going to answer it or no? Taboo. Taboo. Thank you. Ah, yes. That one has Taboo and Irfan Khan. I don't love Thipu. I have a little dog. Thipu. Come at Thipu. But that is what this one is. I don't know how the quality is because it is in an old film. But I hope it's not blurry. Yeah, we were waiting on the subs for it because... Thank you to Hainaz. This was no subs anywhere on the internet. Which is interesting. Do you remember where they are in the order as far as which ones came out when? Which ones he did first? I think Macbeth was first. I know Hater was last. It was last. So I think it was Macbeth, Othello, and... Yeah, Hamlet. So, all right. So here, let's jump into Okra. Oh, really? Bahubali. Lagla Akdagi. Bahubali. Lagla Akdagi. I am here. And before everyone else, I want to say a few words to you. What is this? Actually, we are both destined to meet each other at the length of time, sir. Sir, let's go and get out of here, Cthulhu. Sir, we saw him and, um... I have to bring you a timeless tale of trust. Seduction and arbitration. Oh, God, Cthulhu. All right. Yeah, but I need to go... I need to go back and do it and refresh it because it has been a very long time. Featuring Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Ajay Devga, Bipasha Basu, Vivek Oberoi, Kunkana Sam, and Naseeruddin Shah. I don't know what he was thinking. What was he going to do with that doll? I am sorry, my son, for making you Bahubali, my son. Oh, my God. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. What are you doing? From, yeah, Trishyam. Not him. The other guy. Oh. Oh, where? It's Sartaj from Sacred Games. One of the actors in this film is Sartaj from Sacred Games. Which one? The guy that is Sartaj from Sacred Games. We just... It's hard to recognize him because he's so much younger and so much thinner. Recognize him at all? Yeah. This, I don't know outside of name. I don't really... Did your computer die? No, it's just the end of the story. Oh, okay. Uh, it's... It's almost the, uh, I don't know anything about. This, this makes me happy. A fellow? This makes me happy because a fellow is one of the Shakespeare plays I know the least. And I probably haven't delved into a fellow for 20 years at least. And when I was in it, it was just one of those things that I was in it because it was Shakespeare and I enjoyed it. But it really didn't capture me the way others of this place have like 10 minutes shrew and obviously Hamlet and Midsummer Night Dream that I can go down the list. Like even Macbeth, I know Macbeth way better than I know a fellow. But the, this is, this will make, before we watch the movie, I'm going to revisit a fellow because I guarantee it's going to be as high level, intricate, connected, contemporized as, you know, as what we saw with, with Hader and Hamlet. Yeah. So obviously the director is a genius. Yeah. And we love his work and the attention to detail he gives to things. And the great thing about Hader, which is the same thing I'm, you know, I'm feeling about this was so many of the stupid babies were met and they probably said the same thing to you were messaging me saying, I'm not really familiar with Hamlet. But because of this, I want to now see Hamlet. What version should I see? I want to read Hamlet. Some people went back and saw this again. They saw Hader for a second time. So hopefully that'll be the same. You go watch Hader as much as you can. As much as you can. The only thing I would be worried about this is that his sense is so old. Hader came out I believe in 2014. Yeah. And so the, the, at least the video quality. Yeah. Is higher. Right. Which I will, I will give it a pass. Yeah. In many respects in that regard. For me, it's going to be about story and acting as always. Yes. All the other stuff visually. And at least the guy, at least the guy from Juicy, man. If it's Sartaj. Sartaj. Yep. And then those are two. And Katrina Kapoor, Karina Kapoor, whatever her name is. Well, he's based on what he did. I can't imagine he's going to put anybody in roles that aren't going to be strong. Just based on what he did with Hader. There's just no way. Yeah. Why would he? Yeah. But yeah, I believe all you said, all three of them were really, some of you said this one was your favorite. Some of you said Macbeth was your favorite. Yeah. So it's, please let us know your thoughts on this one. We will be visiting, we're waiting on the subs for the Macbeth one. Yeah. Which I can't wait for that one because I know Macbeth really well. And the actors. So that one I can't wait. The actors in that one I'm excited about. Yeah. But I'm excited for this too. Yeah. I'm really, I'm kind of thankful. I don't, I don't have a lot of a fellow in my head. I know when I revisit them, I'm going to go, oh yeah, there you go. Oh, there you go. I'm getting back into a fellow Shakespeare first. And then we'll watch that. Yeah.


Good morning. My name is Julian Sharca. I'm the founder and CEO of iGenius. I'd like to start with my takeaway from the conference so far. ROI. Everyone wants it, but only if you can have it, right? So why is that? We have consumed so much content, so much great content during these days. And for me integration is the main challenge. We all know that. And adoption, of course. We're building amazing dashboards, we're building amazing NLQ experiences, but we're not getting the adoption that we're expecting from these products. So almost 400 years ago, philosopher John Locke said that knowledge comes from experience alone. And I think this connects very well with the context of what's happening today in BI. So we have done a lot of investment over the past 20 years to create amazing datasets. These datasets have turned into becoming a goldmine for the company. But what's going wrong? Well, what's holding back the potential is not data and analytics investments. It's actually business users being used to experiences that are different, that move at a completely different speed from what we have in the enterprise today. So you can think of, you know, connected experiences that are mobile, that are personalized.  And then you come back to office and you have to deal with a lot of complexity. So this gap is killing the value that we're trying to bring out there. So this is not about innovation. There is a lot of innovation everywhere. But leaders are asking themselves if this innovation is enough. And some of them are actually fearing they're going to get out of business because of AI. So this is holding back potential. So how can you solve it? We need a knowledge upgrade. To the point of John Locke, we need to make experience with AI safe, simple to make a difference. This is what we have been trying to do with iGenio since we started back in 2016. We're trying to contribute by combining data science, machine learning and advanced conversational AI to build a private AI brain that makes data human. We call this GPT for numbers. It starts with connecting your structured data sources, combining them with business logics and then training it through generative models to build a safe, private brain that business users can speak with. So we started one year after Open AI. They went away of text, image and video working on large language models. So when we were approaching language models, you know, we had this session at the company where we said, can a company run without the P&L, without payroll, numbers are at the heart of the company. But how can we make these numbers democratized for everyone to unleash that potential? The way we're doing it is with a completely opposite approach to large language models. We call these small and wide language models which start from an empty box technology that you can control, that you can trust because you install it within your own IT. And by connecting your data and inputting business logics with a self-service console, you can actually create this private brain and get the benefits of the future of AI today. So this is designed for business use cases since the very beginning. So when we think of language models, we think that they are going to transform everything, but they are a very small component of an end-to-end complex system that we need to democratize information. This is not just about making it accessible, it is about certifying it. It is about making it comfortable for the business users to use it anywhere without thinking of trust. So we believe this needs to include at least three components. The first one which we call business modeling is a no-code experience for connecting the data sources and combining it with business logics to create a cocktail of metadata that is going to generate the consumerized experience. Then you can literally talk with it and have a conversation with your data, but that's not enough because we have been making so much investment in data science and now we can have that in the mix as well. So imagine business users consuming data science models conversationally, that's huge. Data scientists, data analysts and data teams can focus on building value and letting AI to democratize that value at scale. So this is how we are closing the gap. This is one way of doing it of course. We think making it conversational, personalized, AI powered, which means not just having users make questions but also having the AI make the first step. When we think of prompt engineers, you know, this is not democratizing AI because we're going to have some users being able to get the most value out of it and others that are going to be left behind. So this is why we think that generative AI should be employed in different ways and decouple the data analytics model in a way that will empower both user personas. So let me show you how easy it is to speak with data. So I'm going to just pull my phone now and make a question to Crystal, which is our GPT for numbers. So I'm going to, this is connected to sales force. Can you show me sales versus margin for the last three months? Here's what I found for last three months. The total of margin had a variation of minus 2.78% and the total of sales minus 0.88% over the previous year. Let's check out the comparison. So this is a multi-model AI. So I can start analyzing my data in front of coffee in the morning and of course as I'm done with that and my phone is back on my pocket and I reach my desk or a meeting online, it synchronizes in real time and with the same level of user experience makes that data accessible at par equally for everyone and of course safe because these are results that have been certified in the concept of the private AI brain. So how we do this? First of all, we start with not changing the way things work. Again, you have made so much investment in the past 20 years. We believe that with AI we can augment it. So we elevate complexity to a virtual layer. We have a data fabric that sits on the side of your infrastructure no matter if that is fully cloud-based hybrid or private on-premises and with a metadata-only approach we can integrate all of your data models. We go for real-time query first and then have adaptive caching options to handle performance as you're transitioning towards a more scalable data structure. If you have that in place, it's plug-and-play. Of course certifying the data and providing you with governance features is part of the data fabric mix as well and then everything else is completely automatically generated. So this private AI brain for your business is designed to augment your existing investments and what makes it special is a technology that we handcrafted at iGenius which we call the business knowledge graph and this is not a knowledge graph technology. The way this works is that it abstracts through the metadata all the key components that the conversational AI needs in order to turn information into conversation. So it starts with what information we're going to connect, what is the department, what is the application that we want to democratize because we have that in place. So who is going to use that information? Who are the user personas? And last, what content do they need to serve and to get answers from their business questions? So this mix then is being this cocktail of metadata is being sent to a model that we call GPT for numbers to then multi-dimensionally explore that information through metadata and enable you to connect these neurons through natural language. So as you make these questions, the graph is going to adapt to your questions while keeping this information certified. And as you consume information, it keeps learning from the end user in a similar fashion to what happens with Netflix as you consume movies or with TikTok or other consumer apps. And it keeps generating metadata privately within your dedicated tenant and growing over time so you can enjoy the power of transfer learning, incremental learning and all of the cutting edge techniques in AI. And this is not just about learning from the way users consume knowledge, also how data is changing on the background because that signal is another important one we can use to adapt the experience in real time. So this composite AI approach, it's multimodal by design and by default. So this is how it works. When you make a question, we are able to query the knowledge graph that was built automatically and I'm going to show you how we do that. Then in real time, we are able to query the information that we need precisely for answering that specific business question. And we have a dynamic data representation engine that is able to make sense out of that query and present it to the user in a form that they can consume it from everywhere. So this requires conversational intelligence and NLP and NLG are key to enable this. But when we think of adoption, it's not just only about making it simple. People are not going to use it. So we really need to make data proactive. We really need to have AI make the first step in the conversation to achieve that adoption, but most importantly also to achieve high engagement rates with our data. So we've built this proactive and contextual components, which include the recommendation engine that adapts in real time to how you consume that information. So imagine how it happens with Netflix today, right? So watch a movie, you close it, when you come back, it shows you the most relevant movies for you. We do this with data. So this case study involves a complex CRM data model connecting data across customer information, employee information, contracts, assets and more, as you can see on this slide. And with that unified single source of truth, it is able to serve different user personas. So upper management at the top can actually measure the performance of the business. Managers can actually plan for their operations. While financial advisors in this case are able to deliver an exceptional customer experience, because five minutes before meeting with a customer, they have the data they need at their fingertips. Whenever that is from their mobile device, tablet device, within Microsoft Teams, we have an integration for that as well. It's so easy. And we call this multimodal use cases because they started from the CRM and now they are expanding, for example, to finance and HR. So basically we're making it possible to keep injecting knowledge in this knowledge graph and have the business users depending on their personas and permissioning to consume it. So how do we set this on the back end? The data fabric that I showed before, it starts with connecting and linking your data sources first. We have connectors for that. And then immediately after we have a system that links permission, so who is going to access the system to then create what we call topics. Topics are an advanced concept of the KPI designed for the conversation. So within a four steps process, we start with connecting our data sources and then injecting business logics through the no-code self-service platform. And then we can tailor the experience to certify that information and make sure that the answers that are going to be provided by the AI are safe. So this can be done in minutes. Of course, in the real world, it will take days, but we have no project that took more than 30 days to deliver and to end to thousands of users potentially, if that is your goal. So just to recap, business modeling is key here. We need to start from the integration. As much as we love AI, integration is breaking things today and it's holding back potential. And we think that generative AI should be used equally for data teams as it is being used for the frontline information consumer. And no code here is a game changer because we can have teams collaborate and inject that knowledge and that led generative AI make it a virtual private brain. Then we can consume it. And with the consumer apps, we can really transform the way people work, because this is not about data. Remember, this is about people. So no matter if you have 10 lines on an Excel file or you have billions of rows on your data warehouse, it should work the same. This is how we deliver the iPhone-like experience for the business user. And we need to get data science models out there. We have so much value whenever that is for predictions, clustering, correlation, risk management, you name it, all of those models today are synchronous. So by decoupling this and putting a knowledge graph in the middle, we are making it possible to enable something we call asynchronous data science. So a business user can leverage natural language capabilities to inject parameters asynchronously in the data science model. And automatically, this data science model will do some magic in the background, which means, for example, extracting a time series and putting it into different models, having these models compete with each other and then in a very simple way send a push notification to the end user to consume it. And every business user can do this on their own while the data teams keep creating value and keep perfecting their data science models to deliver impact. So when we think of ROI, let's think of ROI for both sides. We want and we need ROI for the data teams as much as we need it for the business teams. And these are some insights from customers that are using our products in production and have shared with us the impact that they are getting. With 70% in increase in productivity, we mean that people now can actually free up time. We give people back time to focus on the quality side of their work instead of looking for information. Accelerate existing investments means that through no code and generative capabilities, we can get all of that annoying stuff of training the systems or tailoring them for a specific business case automated. This is not magic. It's just automation. So there is a new kid on the block and we believe our GPT for numbers is going to be the next big thing in generative AI. And we're just getting started. What we have in production today is GPT N2.5. And we're working hard to release GPT N3.0 in Q3 of this year and GPT N4.0 in 2024. And yes, we love numbers. That was not casual. So if you want to get early access to these features, you can scan this QR code and we're going to make sure to have you to include you in the early adopters list. Thank you so much. And let's open questions now as we have some time. So we have someone with the microphone going around. So feel free to raise your hand. Otherwise, for who is in a hurry and wants lunch, we're giving you back 10 minutes. There's a question there. Absolutely. Great question. And the integration here is key. So as much as, you know, we showed the front end user experience, we have done a lot of work to make integration easy. And the way we do this is by leveraging the virtualization of complexity through metadata to map the different data assets no matter where they are. And as you are connecting, for example, different tables which in a more traditional fashion you join and you do all of that work, here you're injecting entities in a graph. And we have a tool that extract these entities and the unique components of your data, the most atomic level of your data. If you think of a CRM data model, you're going to have 20 of those even though you might have, you know, a lot more tables. And then we enable you to augment those entities and to certify those entities both at a schema level and at a content level. So this can be done in many ways. No code. It means adding digital twins and adding metadata so that we can figure out and translate that towards the data sources in real time as business users consuming. We have also a low code component which is a Python SDK where you can actually do more. So there are some accelerators and the short answer is yes, we've done work on that. Thank you. Any more questions? There is a question there. Can you please? How do you handle security? How do you show right data to the right people? So the question is how do we handle security and how we show the right data to the right people? We do this by working on three different layers. So first of all, this is a private, dedicated tenant with the technology being delivered as a whole for each single customer. It starts as an empty box. So this means that we're not sharing information across tenants and this is how the generative model works actually. We're not doing that just for security. We're doing it because it is designed to work like that. So we have this physical safety in the virtual world because you can literally install it offline without an internet connection and start training from there. Then we federate that tenant with your IDP so we understand your existing permissioning system and then we leverage that to map it with the content. So this is how we actually make it safe in terms of who has control of the data and how we make sure that only the right people can see the data they have access to. Then we certify it with a no code experience by extracting the entities I mentioned before and being able to inject business logic in those entities. So every time the tool is going to use that information it is going to comply with the business logic that we set. So we're basically creating these certified neurons and then from there the content that you're going to get is going to be certified as well. And you know the term with AI, right? I'm not going to say the first word but basically if you put the wrong data you're going to get the wrong answer. So this is why we augment the data and make it right first and then we're able to deliver not 99.9 certified data. This is 100% because when it is not complying with the business logic it will get back to you, disambiguate and ask for example questions saying did you mean this or that or it will just say you know there are no records for you or you don't have access to that and all of that is being logged. So this means that the data teams and IT can audit it at any time so we have that explainability component embedded in the system as well. I understand that metadata is very important. Is it possible that your tool can ingest the metadata or read the metadata for existing from the existing DI or read your tool like TAPTO, Informatica and things like that? Yes, we do that with the low code SDK. So we're able to connect to these existing semantic layers and metadata layers and we have done integrations that we can show to you live as well. So maybe we can meet at the booth later on or if you have some time and leave us your contact we'll send you more information on that. There is a question here Jonathan, can you please? My question is can this work on on-premises environments or has to be only online and in such a second how secure it can be handled? Thank you. Absolutely, I'm not sure I got the first question, I didn't get it, sorry. Does it work on-premises or online? Absolutely, so this works as a cloud tool in the sense that we serve it as a SaaS application and this is managed by us by default and it can connect via VPN to all of the data assets you have without replicating the data because it is querying at the real time but we do have customers that prefer to install this Kubernetes doc or Docker container, we provide both within their own private infrastructure. So we went for the full model, so we let IT and compliance decide if they want this to be completely managed by us, if they want a flexible approach or if they want to manage it 100% on-site. So this makes it private and safe to start with. Then on a security level we have lots of options such as federating with the existing permissioning system, the IDP, it can be Azure, Google or it can be Auth, authentication via API, we support all of those enterprise features in a single sign-on fashion so that you can actually control who is seeing the data and the application is transparent to that. If you don't have that model in place we have built no code tools that you can map the security and the access levels at a raw data level and do it within the application with a few clicks.


Invite Mr BGVS, the COO, as well as Mr Vivek Goyal, the Vice President for Ceramic Division of Kajaria Ceramics. Could we have a huge round of applause, ladies and gentlemen, for Mr BGVS, as well as Mr Vivek Goyal. They will be presenting the scroll of honour to our winners. I will also request all the winners to stay back after they have received this scroll of honour, because we're going to have a group picture. So I'll request them to later come with their trophies for a group picture once they've received the awards. Let's begin, ladies and gentlemen. Could we have a huge round of applause to cheer all of them? Yes? Thank you. So let's begin. The first recipient is Mr Arjun Sharma, Managing Director of Select Group. I request Mr Ratika Bhargava's Select City Walk to come forward to receive the scroll of honour on his behalf. A huge round of applause, ladies and gentlemen. We have Ratika Bhargava, the Senior Vice President of Select City Walk, coming forward to receive the scroll of honour on behalf of Mr Arjun Sharma. Mr Bhargava, would you like to say a few words? Good evening, everyone. Thank you for the scroll of honour on behalf of Team Select City Walk. We thank you all for the support. I think it's very important for us to tell you that our journey started in 2007, so we complete ten years and we will continue to make Select City Walk the happiest place in this country. We endeavour to make all our customers extremely happy with the environment that we provide and I must say the scroll of honour is absolute validation of that. So, thank you sponsors. Thank you for having us here and for being a part of this elite team. Thank you. Thank you so much. Let's move forward, ladies and gentlemen. And to come on stage and receive the scroll of honour trophy, I now request to architect Guninda Singh, CEO of Vipple Group to come forward. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a huge round of applause. Guninda Singh, CEO of Vipple Group. Now would you like to say a few words? Please. Good evening, everybody. And thanks a lot to Reality Plus and Kajaria for this scroll of honour. Well, it has been a long journey for me starting in 1990 with the real estate companies. 12 years with Unitech and almost 15 years with Vipple Limited now. And being an architect almost designed all our projects, looked after all the projects and heard today everyone talking about affordable housing as well as RERA. And my only submission is value for money. Whether you do 22 lakh rupees a house or you do 22 CR a house. Let's promise, let's deliver what we promise. And let's give them, let's give our customer value for their money. That should be our motto as developers, as architects, as engineers. And I wish our fraternity a very well-prosperous new year. That's what I can hope for. I have a very good future for this industry which is now getting organised. RERA is a very good move. Affordable housing, personal opinion is a myth, at least in Gurgaon. So no contradictions, no offence. And because affordable means it has to be affordable to the developer also. Which is right now not possible in Gurgaon because the land price is very high. And as Mr. Goyal pointed out very rightly that the cost of conversion of the agriculture land into FSI is very, very high. So I completely agree with him. That is why to me I don't want to sound very offended but affordable housing was a bad child. So once it started, everybody started towards affordable housing without realising the implications of that. So that is why many of the projects, many of the FSI's are on sale today in the market. We all know the truth. So there are very few signature global. I really would like to have a discussion with you on what was really the land cost which you had. And what is your FSI cost and that is how you are turning 5000 units, 8000 units. It's really commendable, hats off to you. But otherwise most of us, all my colleagues sitting here are from the same industry and we know what is the reality. So but yes there is a great future for affordable housing or I will say value for money. The value of homes, I will not call it affordable, I will say value homes. So the value, the perception of value changes from person to person. So for me one CR is valuable, for somebody it is 20 lakhs, for somebody even 40 CR is a value. So it all depends. Anyway, this is just a thank note, not a debate again. So thank you very much for this honour. Thank you. Thank you so much ma'am. Moving further ladies and gentlemen, I now request Mili Majumdar, managing director, GBC, India Private Limited and Senior Vice President for USGBC to please come on stage to accept this call of honour. This great honour and on behalf of the US Green Building Council and the entire green fraternity I want to you know kind of dedicate this fully because in the discussions that we are having since evening I didn't you know there was discussions on RERA on affordability but I didn't find environment you know a place in it. However I think you know we are leaving millions of square metres of area on this earth and it is very very important for us and Kajaria since you know you are also very environmentally conscious in your production process what are you.  So thank you very much and it's indeed a great honour. Thank you so much ma'am. Thank you once again. Moving forward ladies and gentlemen, I now request Pankaj Bansal, director M3M to come on stage and receive the scroll of honour. Could we have a huge round of applause ladies and gentlemen. So good evening everybody. I think enough of boring, knowledgeable lectures which have happened. So only one message before that. Thank you Kajaria. Thank you Reality Plus for giving the scroll of honour. I think one important thing all of us need to take back today. Everybody has exchanged knowledge, thoughts, affordable, non-affordable, rarer, non-rarer, compliance. All of those things are done. But what is up for us today? It is let's be aggressive. Let's revive real estate. Where is this Manda coming from? Manda is running in the market. Ask anyone what happened? Where did the Manda start? I think Manda started from this room. If all of us show confidence in our industry, which is real estate, all these stakeholders, be it developers like us, be it associates, sponsors, suppliers, contractors, I think this Manda will go for a toss and we will do wonders what we did in 2010, 11, 12. With that thank you. Thank you so much. We are moving forward ladies and gentlemen. I now request Pranav Ansel, vice chairman for Ansel properties and infrastructure limited to please come on stage to receive the scroll of honour. A huge round of applause once again ladies and gentlemen. Thank you Reality Plus. Thank you Kajaria. And I think I would just like to add what Pankat said. I think we are talking about scroll of honour. We should get honour back into the sector because that is what is required. And all of us should start voicing positivity and talk positive about the sector. And let's all work together to get honour back in the sector. I think that's more important. Thank you. Thank you so much. Would I now request Pranav Ansel, vice chairman for Ansel properties and infrastructure limited to please come on stage to receive the scroll of honour. Could we have a huge round of applause once again ladies and gentlemen. We have a scroll of honour winner Pradeep Agarwal. Chairman to please come on stage to receive the scroll of honour Pradeep Agarwal. Thank you so much. And thank you so much gentlemen. Thank you for doing the honours. And I must say, you know, there were other scroll of honour awards that I had seen in the previous Reality Plus conclaves. And this first time I've had very interesting views coming in from the winners. And it's really great to see the messages coming from them. But before we go further, could we have all the winners come forward once again with their trophies for a group photograph. Meanwhile, could we have all the delegates also cheer for them? Yes, could we have a huge round of applause as I invite all the delegates to come forward with their trophies. All the delegates. Yes ma'am, please come forward. May I also invite Mr. BGVR as well as Mr. Vivek Goyal to please come forward and join them in the group photograph please. Thank you so much and congratulations once again. Thank you Mr. Goyal for doing the honours. I would first like to welcome Mr. BGVR on stage to do the honours. Yes Mr. Vyas, request you to come on stage to present the scroll of honour award to Dr. Ananta Singh Raghavan. She is the Executive Director for Sales and Marketing DLF Universal. Could we have a huge round of applause ladies and gentlemen. Good evening everybody. I'm extremely grateful to Reality Plus and the Jury for giving me this honour. And I would like to thank all my industry colleagues who've supported me through this journey of 27 years. And I can see so many familiar faces here and so beautiful. Thanks to all my juniors, my teams which have supported me, the seniors from whom I've learnt a lot and extremely grateful and humbled. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.