Has a man ever said or acted like he cares about you but won't commit and This happens because men know these days men know if they act like they care or even say that they can care Care about you they can get companionship from you They can get connection and they can get sex without any little little or no commitment. Excuse me Okay, okay, so with that said the dating marketplace doesn't favor women Now a lot of the people in the red kiln red pill community will say it does favor women Well, certainly women hold the cards when it comes to sex But at the end of the day men hold the cards when it comes to commitment That's right men hold the cards and given that these days. What did I say in my notes? I said, there's no need for a man to commit because sex is free sex is free so This begs the question How do you differentiate the between the men who are going to use you versus those men who genuinely want a Serious full commitment. Okay, because the reality is is men sadly these days a significant percentage of men not all men Not all men will use you. In fact, many men won't even intentionally use you That's right. Most men won't intentionally use you. They do it by not default by What's the word I'm looking for I'm stumbled here not by accident But it's because men are just as equally confused in the dating marketplace now. Let me be clear about the men I'm talking about I'm talking about men in the over 40 category Which roughly about 75% of singles over 45 years old are divorced and men who go through a divorce Just like women who go through divorce are oftentimes incredibly confused as to what they're looking for in us in a relationship That's right. They're confused. In fact, many men in particular might have been so burned in their previous relationship or their previous marriage That they are actually gun-shy. So what happens is human beings want companionship. They want connection They want sex and yet they don't recognize that commitment is the real value in a relationship And yet couples these days spend so little time Developing the two most important ingredients for a healthy happy relationship and that's trust and commitments That's right trust and commitment because humans don't really know how to get to know one another Let me explain what I mean by getting to know what another so I want to tell you a quick story about a woman Hi, who reached out to me for coaching She had been in a relationship for three years. It was a long-distance relationship. It was about a 200 mile drive So I wasn't flying it was driving and they did it for three years And when they finally agreed that they would move in together with the intent of getting married, okay? In fact, they she had to disrupt her family She had to go through Family court just to be able to take her children with her because she was so in love with this man who she saw every other week For a weekend mostly she drove out to him And they were in this bubble relationship as I'll talk about in a moment That when she finally moved in with them within six months they broke up Think about it a three-year relationship and when she finally when they finally declared their love They're gonna move in together within six months. They broke up. Why because she really didn't know this person until she began living with him That's right. You really don't know a person in today's dating marketplace Really doesn't emphasize how to get to know another human being We really don't we we have a very passive way of approaching it and these days I've often said that dating is just a very long strung out version of friends with benefits That's how you're being used in other words. You're getting the benefit of some companionship You're getting benefit of some connection You're getting the benefit of sex without any real commitment if it's a long drawn-out process now Some men will say to you. Oh, it takes me a long time to get to know a person Takes me a long time to get to know a person. You know, it's fascinating to me You ask anybody or you ask any man who's Absolutely in love with his partner. He's absolutely in love with this partner. He demonstrates that he's in love with her He will tell you that he knew very early on that she was the one now I don't like emphasizing the term. She's the one but I mean he knew very early on that he wanted to commit to her She was the one he wanted to commit to it didn't take him years to figure that out He actually knew it very quickly and while their process to maybe full commitment of either moving in together Getting married might have taken a while He was fully engaged in the process and ladies if you find yourself in a relationship with a man Who's not fully engaged in the process? Then you might find yourself being used by a guy and you know, it's interesting. I was reading the book There's a there's a in the book. Where is it? How to be in a grown-up in a relationship? One of the therapists goes on to say people stay in miserable relationships because the fear of leaving is More painful than the then the fear of not getting what you want Not getting not getting the what your needs meant and it's not so much the fear of not getting your needs meant in other words The fear of leaving so outweighs the fact that you're not getting your needs met and many of you fall for these Relationships where you're being used to remember I said earlier men aren't doing this intentionally They're just rather unconscious to this because the men who say I need to take it slow The men who say I'm not ready for a serious relationship. Well, then they haven't contemplated How much it hurts another human being to be ambivalent? Think about that. They haven't men haven't contemplated how much it hurts another person even if they're completely forthright. I Know men and I've done this myself. I've been very upfront with women. I said look I like you Okay, but I don't want to commit to you and it fascinates me how many of these women would keep coming back for more And I'm like it was just sex Okay, now I wasn't blatant that that but I was literally saying I don't want to commit to you It doesn't feel like the right relationship, but they would keep trying more trying harder to convince me ladies You don't need to chase men If a man isn't interested it's time for you to move on so I'm going to share with you the seven things that men say or do And by the way, while the title says shocking things quite frankly These are the most obvious things on the planet and you some people just need to be hit over the head over and over and over again So they actually sinks in it's one of the reasons why I repeat myself so frequently So the number one is your time together is mostly about sex.  It's why I created my dating vows And by the way I'll put the link up here for the dating vows. Where is that right here? And there's a link in the below Get some level of commitment now someone wrote to me This is ludicrous try to get this commitment from a guy and yet Isn't it fascinating two people will have sex together with little or no agreements to one another and the the dating vows is simply I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent of declaring something serious in the next three to six months You're both agreeing to this. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process Including taking down our dating profiles if that's where you met I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting and disappearing I'm a big proponent of doing check-ins with each other on a regular basis And I agree to invest regular in the time in the process of getting to know you Which looks like we spend two three four days nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life. That Is your that's a suggested standard you might want to have Now 90% of guys will bail on this because these are the men Who don't know what they want by the way everybody is clear on what they what they Don't want, you know, it's fascinating to me. Everybody is clear on what they don't want Okay, but what they are not clear as to what they do want I have women come to me for coaching. By the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me And the links in the show notes as well It fascinates me how few women think they know what they want.  They don't want a cheater. They don't want this. They don't want that That doesn't help you. You have to know Understand compatibility Folks if you're not familiar with my uh relationship iceberg chart Excuse the glare, okay Look Attraction is above the waterline. That's chemistry compatibility is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity That's where compatibility lies and many of you don't really understand the mechanics to compatibility You don't understand how to to Determine compatibility remember I said earlier dating is a process of getting to know someone The only way you get to know them is give them a barrage of questions So you can start because look when we're meeting total strangers The only we get to know someone is to interview them Oh my god, jonathan every dating coach tells me not to interview people. No Quite the opposite your job is to to determine who this person is Especially before you get physical and men are driven by the biology. That's how we're driven It's your job to be the gatekeeper of sex. Okay. The second thing A man says or does That might be using you. He doesn't open up to you. He doesn't open up emotionally to you I know how many of you might have felt that in the early stage of dating and he might open up On his problems with his past relationships or marriage A man might talk to you about his past Especially if he was in a unhappy marriage or a miserable relationship He might throw the other person under the bus But that's not opening up to you. What opening up means is he actually expresses beyond the Oh my god, you're the most amazing woman on the planet And I'd like to marry you that he says on the first or second or third day I'm talking about opening up to you about his feelings about your relationship and more importantly Opening up to gratitude About your relationship. That's right. Gratitude is the key To real is one of the keys to opening up emotionally with another person and if he avoids it Or if he avoids talking on the phone with you if there's a bit of distance You know, this happens with the the guys that all they want to do is text Texting is the weakest form of communication Texting is the weakest form of communication Number three, he doesn't ask you About you after the hunt phase once He has conquered you. I see how that sounds so that sounds so Not cruel, but just um What's the word I mean it sounds toxic. Okay, I think conquered you but the whole men love the hunt and men love the chase Well, what did they hunt and chase ladies? Are they hunting around? I want a relationship I want a relationship. Is that what they're hunting remember? They they can tell you they care about you They can say they use you they excuse me.  I don't mean he doesn't physically protect you He doesn't emotionally protect you if a man says he cares about you and won't commit But man is dating multiple people at the same time. This happens a lot I I know a lot of women who men will start they're sleeping with men I mean this has happened so frequently The man will tell her about his other dating conquest because she's hoping she's going to be the one picked I mean, I can't tell you how many hundreds of times I've talked to women and they're hoping that they're going to be the one picked. I think it's because there's the fear It's the fear. What did I write down here? The fear that there are so few choices when you think This person is really be, you know unique amongst all other They feel like if they stick it out long enough, they'll be the one to win And let me tell you neither women will win or the of all the women He's sleeping with and then he might End up choosing the woman that is most dysfunctional to him if you're not familiar with the work of harvel hendrix and helen hunt um Getting the love you want Why i'm recommending this book is because if you don't understand the amaga why we choose partners the way we do A lot of late ladies look it. I know you found yourself in situations You gave so much to the relationship He ended it and he hooks up with the next woman he meets. Well, that's because that woman triggered All of his childhood wounds and he chose that woman over you because you weren't triggering his wounds.  And by the way If you're not feeling not good enough not lovable not likable, I highly recommend checking out my book What the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self up in spiritual work link below to get a copy of my book He doesn't protect you emotionally a real gentleman knows that if he's not going to go the distance with you And remember I said earlier men know rather quickly A man who protects you emotionally will bow out of the relationship sooner rather than later The men who are using you will stay in a relationship because it benefits his needs And not your needs Number five he you'll never meet his friends or family. He always makes excuses about introducing you into his life Your time together is very You know concentrated maybe in your home maybe in his home You know men will drive for sex. So just because he drove to you doesn't mean He's actually cares about you But if he doesn't invite you into his life, that's a good chance. He's using you number six He doesn't go out of his way for you.  I find so many women find themselves in these mediocre casual relationships in the minute They need to depend on the guy. He's nowhere to be found. Has this ever happened to you? If he's not there for you when you're not when you're sick or you need him That's a good sign. He's using you and last but not least and again, I these aren't shocking. These are rather obvious He doesn't he puts off being exclusive and he avoids conversations about the future ladies listen Women are in happy relationships They never had to worry about this because the men clearly knew very early on they wanted to pursue a relationship And these men were intentional It's all of you that are in casual relationships or relationships of big ambiguity That you have a greater chance of being you. So what's your power in all this? By the way, I swear swear a little you'll feel better. What's your power in all this? Your power Is to establish your standards right from the get-go If you don't know what your standards are Reach out to me. I can help you with that and number two Your job is to ask the questions Very early on to weed out be a detective to determine if he can meet your standards And third and most importantly is you have to be the you have to be a psychologist to determine Is this person emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship? Does he have Relationship skills if you're not familiar with my chart um Here, where's this my chart on um emotional maturity and relationship skills Roughly 20 of the population by the way, this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion 20 of the population has clinical issues And while I say 20 percent are emotionally healthy and have good relationship skills, the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional This is just an opinion I'm sharing with you, but you have a greater chance to meet an emotionally constipated man Than a man who actually has the skills and by the way ladies you are no picnic at this either You know, let me give an example how you all say Communication is so important and honesty is so important and yet you are silent When it comes to speaking up That's not honest with him if you're not being honest is telling him I don't feel good about these things What are you going to do about it? Tell him look, I don't feel good about this dynamic. What are you going to do about it? And he will bail nine out of ten times It's better that he bailed sooner rather than later. Look at that woman. I shared with you three years Driving to his place most of the time the minute they moved in together It was a disaster The fact is is we really don't know people in this long drawn out dating process Listen, I'm a big proponent as you dive into the deep end. You figure it out quickly And see if you're a match with one another This is why I talk about in my private coaching radical honesty pre-qualifying your prospect laying your cards on the table And establishing the rules of engagement and if you need some support with that reach out to me All right, I think you got the gist of the seven most shocking things men will say will do to use you I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and in the links below are copies to get all the things I recommend All right, it's q&a time. So it's time to answer questions. So let's see what we have here today Uh, if you have a question for me write the word question then post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son Conor as like that's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away almost five years ago. I can't believe it's been five years And in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight institute There's a little dollar sign the chat box if you want to donate and if you're watching the replay It's a super thanks you can purchase. So please help the conor asley scholarship fund All right, if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after let's see what we've got here uh Can I ask Can I ask how you would feel about having an open a I bought in your chat? I have no interest in that Um Good morning. Thank you for this live. You're very welcome Pat says most men are unable to meet me where I am at And can't cramp my style. This is something I have finally learned about myself I've raised my kids and now I want to live the rest of my life in peace Well, I don't understand what that means Meet you where you're at, but um, listen folks if you want a Significant if you want a life partner. This is my channel is all about those that want a life partner. Look at those No, I'm in a significant relationship with someone We live together You know, here's the thing about midlife Um You know a lot of people are gun shy about marriage. Okay, that's fair enough You know if you've been married once or twice before it can be a little bit scary given that Third marriages have a 75 percent divorce rate.    So thanks pat Okay, let's keep going here Artemis says I love you Jonathan you seem to really care about us and you always want the best for all of us You know, I I I do have I wonder why I am such an advocate for women I think it's because I feel guilt because I've used women And remember when I was struggling to find the words earlier in the conversation I never felt like I intentionally used women I did it by default and what I mean to say is During the initial stage of lust and limerence I only care like lust causes a man or at least caused me I should say to be driven for my own needs And what I didn't realize is while I was being transparent with someone You know and there's a there's a weird space between when you're chasing sex You really think you like someone all of these chemicals are being released in your brain You like them you like them you like them and then what was fascinating to me after sex all of a sudden It's kind of like what was that line in something about Mary, you know, he was telling Oh god, who was the actor?  This might happen to you I know it happens to men So so I didn't mean intentionally mean to use women So in a way my channel is my way of like waking women up to guys like I was I'm not proud of it But I see this now happening over and over again So I'm an advocate listen I'm an advocate for men and women alike because I said this earlier in the video ladies You're no picnic as well. Okay. You all you're not, you know, you are not said above men Men might be jerks and assholes a lot of women can be selfish as well And I know a lot of women can be givers too. So and a lot of men can be givers The reality is is my channel is about human development. It's about human behavior I'm here to be a wake-up call for both genders. This is why I highly recommend reading the book If the Buddha dated if it Buddha dated it throws out the BS gender rhetoric and says how can we connect As human beings with one another I highly recommend reading this book. All right, let's see what we've got for questions Uh, Nancy wrote many many years ago. I was dating someone for quite some time and I lost my job in apt Apartments and he told me to go to a shelter long Well Sounds like um, he didn't love you enough to take you into his life. That's commitment Um, all right Robin says What if he wants commitment only on his terms meaning I give Up my home and family and move to where he lives, which is four hours away Well, that's a very common thing women tend to pretzel themselves for men So this is a conversation to have with one another. He doesn't want to leave So what is the commitment you're going to make for one another? Are you moving into his place?  That's not being protective of you Okay, if he's not Complating how much of a sacrifice you're making that he's caring about his needs most likely versus your needs So robin, thank you for posting that. Hey one of our group members from my facebook group. By the way called mid love life mastery It's a link below question just wrote I've been divorced nine years. I met someone mutually and emotionally and physically connect What questions do you ask to build trust and feel comfortable to move in? Okay, again in my private coaching I teach you based on your personality So your personality might be different someone else's however. I highly recommend asking this question What does a relationship look like for you and what does commitment look like for you? And how do you know? How important is trust in a relationship? And when do you know you can trust someone? These are deeper questions to be asking You know, I would look at his past relationship experience to get a sense I try to find out questions about his childhood to see where his Believe systems are I would ask questions about his values Um and each and as they relate to your value. So again, I can help you with that schedule discovery call with me Thank you for that question sr writes question We've been talking with the intention of marriage for 10 months long distance met four times I feel we're not making progress as he's about to finish his ps phd. Should I wait or move on? Listen meeting someone four times in 10 months Probably okay folks it takes roughly About 40 hours just to get to know someone according to Jay Shetty, okay He wrote the book eight rules of love Is that the title might be a different title? Okay I always say it takes about 100 hours of face to face time just to build the first layer trust in Jay Shetty says It takes 200 hours of face to face time doing social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Just to build develop a friendship you two most likely you got together four times You had sex together. You had a good time.  Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day Now chances are very slim. Okay now um And I would try to solve that distance problem or see each other a lot more frequently before you disrupt your life with someone That's my recommendation or get those 200 hours of face to face time and then sleeping together doesn't count as face to face time All right, Kathy writes question How do you know if anyone is genuine anymore? Everyone is guilty before proven innocent I I believe most humans are good people. Most men are good people. They're just bad daters I think most humans have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. Okay That's genuine. They're just bad at it. That's how I believe How do you determine if someone is genuine with you see Love often most of you focus on love being all about the good times true love is being there for someone During the bad times.  That's when you know someone's genuine character You know is when you're when you can actually see them During tough times. That's when you know their character um Okay, so that's just my thoughts on that one. Anyway Um Okay, let's keep going here Could you give additional examples of protecting you emotionally besides ending things if he's not that in you? That's a great question. So most men When you challenge them to care about your emotions, they'll break up with you saying I can't give you what you need Okay, that's what most men will do so Protecting you emotionally is really recognizing that you might be attached to him And he's aware of that now it's so long as he's being up front with you.  I don't want you to get cooties from the guy All right, great question Uh, let's keep going. Oh vivian writes question Why some men start with so much plans as even marriage and kids on chat From an app without ever knowing the other person and he keeps going To turn off the things when he when is time match with actions? Okay I think what you're trying to say is why do men come on strong? And when they haven't even met you okay First off if you're not familiar with the word lust I would highly google it if you're not familiar with the term limerence. I'd highly google that okay What you have to understand lust is that physical attraction for you limerence isn't a fatuation men Might come on strong in the beginning because that's how we're biologically wired We are wired to pursue you remember when I said earlier in the video men love the hunt men love the chase What are they chasing? They're chasing a physical relationship with you A grown-up man actually wants to get to know you beyond the physical so he's not driven by the physical So coming back to your question. Why do men start this? Remember I said he says he cares about you He does things that care about you, but he doesn't want to commit Because we know if we do what I call relationship talk We'll get laid I'm sorry. I'm being blunt here We know if we say I want a relationship you guys will spread your legs Please forgive that analogy, but I'm just saying to you you have to determine what does he mean by the words I want a relationship. I want a long-term relationship Long-term relationship might mean I see you every three weeks at my beck and call that could be for years Okay, if you don't describe what a relationship looks like And get some sense does he want the same things? Um If he wants the same things Then it's on you. It's not on him. Okay. I hope that helps Vivian. Thank you so much um All right, let's keep going here Lauren says question Should you trust a man who hides his real age and a man who makes promises about what he is going to do Okay, first off. I think this age question. I'm gonna address look it With the online dating marketplace Men and women over 50 years old often Fudge on their age because of fear of rejection. That's not lying. That's fudging because they fear of being rejected That doesn't make them bad people for doing it The question is is are they honest with you when you meet them Prior to meeting them or right after meeting them and then you get to make a choice I prefer people being honest on the telephone if their dating profiles are not If they fudged on it. So that's just my opinion on that As far as trust trust is built over time You know, look at we are humans. We are flawed. We listen He who has never lied cast the first stone if you have lied once in your life. Can I trust you? Okay, if you've lied and by the way, we lie to ourselves all the time. Should I trust you? Um, that's my two cents on that. So thanks so much for that one Um, vivian says thank you so much for picking my question All right. Do we have any more questions post a comment below? I'd like to I'd like to okay. Here we go Again, write the word question and then post the question thereafter I'm 46 year old grandma and I'm honest in my profile. I'm not embarrassed of my age or being a grandma Well, siri. Okay. Nice, sweetheart She what I'm gonna be candid with you. She fudged on her age by I believe nine years Okay, and then in the dating profile, she wrote her actual age. Okay, and she said four children. Okay Um, she had four children. So and or no four children. Excuse me and four grandchildren So, uh, and I still chose her so, um, it's not about embarrassment I just do believe people fear rejection for their age. So thank you so much Janine writes question Why does a man you haven't met? Met yet keep putting off meeting because even when you tell him to leave you alone He keeps calling because you gave him the time of day once The more than once and he feels an attachment towards you Guess what you do as Marie would say Block block block block them on their phone Okay, uh, let's keep going Uh, Jennifer says my age is two years off online dating search. If I I tell men if I meet them I'm 48 but keep getting keep getting told I look 35 and I hit hit on by younger men. Okay, everybody Everybody thinks they look younger than their age. Okay. I get it By the way, now there's this meme of the golden girls at age 50. Remember Betty white and uh, I forgot the two other actresses Be Arthur. I think it was anyways and a picture of Halle Berry Michelle Pfeiffer and Julia Roberts a big I mean that's a big they looked younger. Okay Here's the thing everybody thinks they look younger look at the fact is after 40 45 50 years old We discriminate based on age. It's just the reality And so fudging on dating profiles is very common for men and women just the reality What matters most is are you honest with each other after you made a connection with one another? That's what I think is most important. So thank you so much for that, uh question Um pan says I disagree not telling your correct age is a lie. You can call it fudge, but it is dishonest. Well again Why does this happen fear of rejection? It's not to manipulate a person It's because we fear being rejected because of people do people search based on We we judge based on age doesn't make them bad people. That's why I'm just saying I don't believe that they are liars I just believe that there's the fear of rejection and not and quite frankly I think my sweetheart and I wouldn't have happened. We didn't judge the person as being a liar is my point. Okay Filippo says the best wine comes out of an old bottle. That's funny Okay, uh, one of my facebook group members says I have blocked people But one has found a way to call as an unknown caller. I didn't accept the call and he bussed himself by leaving voicemails I'm sorry. You you sounds like you have a stalker You might want to um if you have his telephone number Maybe you go to the police and see or go to the fbi and see what they can do to help you just a curious question Okay, um Stephanie says women are severely judged on age men are allowed to age Um, yes, however women women in their 50s they discriminate on age too I mean, I would say men tend to discriminate more based on age Now the men with money and by the way, my sweetheart is a year older than me lady. So I didn't discriminate on age Um, while there's a huge percentage of men who might seek younger women I think women discriminate based on age too. A woman will tell me I don't want to be a man's nurse or purse So it's common for both genders. It just probably is more common that men discriminate. I will agree with that All right Gloria says I think you're justifying the age lie. I'm not justifying. I'm just giving I'm just giving an Explanation to why I think it happens. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. See the difference is I'm not saying it's right or wrong I'm merely saying that I don't think that a person who is flawed Should be judged because again He who has never lied cast the first stone That's my point if you've never lied bravo to you You are in that one tenth of one tenth of one tenth of one tenth of one tenth of the human population in my opinion And you can judge me for that Kathy says Or ester says, excuse me, jonathan Don't you think sex should be free? Otherwise it's prostitution Maybe you should say sex should be in a committed relationship.  Thank you for bringing that up um It's the old adage why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free is kind of where that's coming from I'm not saying that's a that's a crude analogy I agree people that should people who have regular sex together Should be in a committed relationship with one another the tricky part is this sex is part of the decision making process I've known a lot of women who said after sex with the guy the first night. That was her deal breaker For men that might be a deal breaker too. It's if you're going to have regular sex together I believe it should be in a committed relationship because the fact is this two people could be in a committed relationship Have sex together and then break up if the sex wasn't good. I'm not saying that's right. I'm just saying that happens Hmm All right, Kathy says I'm a 60 year old. I am 60 and widowed for 15 years. I recently met a man who is 77 widowed I don't want to freak him out by asking him to meet somewhere or do something together. How do I test the waters? Um, you ask him to meet somewhere or do something together. That's how you test the waters That's it. Just what what's the harm in listen?  Then you go from there Okay, that's my suggestion Um One of my facebook users says question in terms of protecting you emotionally What about giving you a heads up if they know in advance that something might upset you? I'd rather be told ahead of time than for him to hide it or ignore it and Either hope I don't find out or hope I don't get upset afterwards Is it reasonable to expect men to have that capacity to do so? You know With the group of my guy friends one of them said to me it is easier to get forgiveness than permission If you're going to do something that you know will visibly upset them it's men will This is more childlike things people do. This is what children do. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission Now an emotionally mature person if they know they're gonna upset you with something then they are open and honest Why don't by the way, this is a human flaw Women do this as well You know like think about the woman who went shopping This a married woman who went shopping and spent all this money on clothes And then comes back and says oh, I just spent all this money on clothes And he's like visibly upset because you just you know with you know You know emptied the bank account and being tongue-in-cheek here. Um, I think it's just humans fear humans fear Being being direct being transparent. It's just a human flaw All right Hey, I want to just thank miss garden as being a new member. Thank you so much Here let's go. We've just got a new member join the group. You can hit that join button next to the The like button on the video if you want to join my youtube channel All right, let's keep going Um Pam says I I am 65. I met a guy and he said he lied about his age about wait lied his age nine years older I said I wasn't into dating someone his age. So he so he wasted both our time Again, men and women alike do this What am I going to say humans do this? Yeah, by the way dating is listen dating can feel like a waste of time What about people that you meet that their pictures were you know 10 years younger? I mean, this is part of the process if we're not accepting of the process then meet people organically by the way when you meet someone organically You don't know their age. Just remember that Jennifer says I dated a man with erectile dysfunction. He had major issues and it ended badly He wouldn't go to therapy for it Half the you know a significant percentage of men over 60 have erectile dysfunction significant women over 60 have Menopausal issues and emotional issues. That's just part of aging Um All right, let's see Jane says question or not a question more to the point age and personal details available to perfect strangers is risky And being slotted into the concept of what they feel that number means is weird age gaps can work But withdraws back or draws but draws back. Thank you for sharing that Vivian writes question. How can I express? I don't feel comfortable initiating a chat or whatsoever Without starting to see each other in person. I don't like to Indicate and it if I don't know the man is serious Listen, if you two are total strangers, I didn't Until you physically meet with one another It's all a prospecting experience. Look at when I used to be in corporate sales I remember each month I'd work on 10 new clients only would secure a sale with one nine were They were they were liars not buyers That's just part of the process if we're fearful of the process then it's going to be hard to really Get to know someone you got to make the effort So in this case Vivian, I'd say make the effort to meet and then see what happens He's not going to be serious until he actually likes you And if you two don't if you haven't built up that familiarity with one another rapport Then he doesn't he won't know if he's going to like you Does that help? all right, priya Guy calls me 2 a.m. On my phone in silent. I asked why you call he wants to meet a 230 never plans for real dates He plans, uh, but wait he plans but guaranteed if he can kiss me if we can meet before itself He's looking look at any guy that calls after any guy that calls after uh eight o'clock Any guy calls that late looking for a booty call All right, marcella writes question Isn't the problem one of self-love it is with me. Yes. Self-love is one of the key issues when we don't love ourselves We oftentimes accept being used Because we're not standing in our sovereignty our self-worth our self-esteem and self-confidence um Esther says I am french lol. You're excused. Thank you so much um This is why dating world is a mess because people disagree on ethics. Well, of course Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a world where everyone could astound to share their real age? Okay, and not be rejected for it. Wouldn't that be great? That's not the world we live in we live in a We live in a discriminating judged world. I'm just here to say I don't judge people as being bad That's all I'm saying. Why do you guys keep wanting to repeat this? All right, um I won't date anyone that wants to hook up first before getting to know you there you go um rika writes question Online dating for one week divorced in 2019. No kids did eight dates workbook together States he knows he wants to marry me and today asked for my ring size. He's coming over in a month red flag Well, red flag merely means ask more questions when you say he's coming over in a month. Okay, I'm going to assume Wait online dated for a week Divorce no kids Okay, he states. He knows what he wants to marry me. By the way, I'm assuming you guys haven't physically met This has been an internet connection. Is it a red flag? No, he's just you know, he's being in either Limerence or lost a real relationship is look at again It takes about 40 hours of face-to-face time just to begin to get to know someone It takes 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust not true trust the first layer of trust And it takes 200 hours of face-to-face time to begin building a friendship with someone my guess is you haven't established that And so is it a red flag red flags means ask more questions deal breaker means No, is that a deal breaker? You have to ask that for yourself All right. Hey listen, this was my Saturday morning coffee with you all I hope you found value on the seven shocking things men say or do to use you Um, if you found value in this content, please post or if you have a question Please post it below you find value in this please hit that like button. Please share this video with friends Please subscribe to my channel um And i'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jotha bear hug of self love I'm going to read pit stains. I'm gonna give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a Teddy bear pillow and give either of them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch I want to thank sabby and pan and miss amy and rica and bivvy and priya and janice and gloria melissa ester marcel uh Let's see jane jennifer gloria pam. I think I've said it labored everyone. Have a great day. Bye now


In a throwback to 8th November 2016, the Reserve Bank of India announced on Friday evening the withdrawal of currency notes of Rs. 2000 denomination effective September 30. The central bank said it did not print the Rs. 2000 currency note in the last four years and the banknotes are now reaching the end of their four to five year lifespan. Is what the RBI has done a painful reminder of the ghost of the 2016 demonetization experience when many died waiting in queues to exchange their currency notes at banks. Students could not get admission, people could not seek treatment in hospitals and the consequences were especially disastrous for small and micro businesses. According to news reports on Saturday, about 89% of the 2000 denomination banknotes were issued prior to March 2017. Their total value declined from Rs. 6.73 lakh on March 31, 2018 to Rs. 3.62 lakh or just about 10.8% of all banknotes. There is also a view that there will not be similar hardships now as there were in 2016. But let us go over to Professor Arun Kumar, a noted expert on the black economy in India, which is also the title of his immensely popular book on the subject. Let's ask him what he thinks will be the effect of this new withdrawal of Rs. 2000 notes. Professor Arun Kumar, thank you very much for joining us. You know, can we begin by what the government achieved by introducing these notes of Rs. 2000 denomination and now what it has achieved by withdrawing them? So you know, these 2000 rupee notes were introduced because we needed higher denomination currency notes to ease circulation in the economy. You know, the RBI had asked in 2015, the Ministry of Finance, whether we can issue 2000, 5000 and 10,000 rupee notes. The Ministry of Finance did not agree for 5,000 and 10,000 rupee notes, but agrees to 2000 rupee notes. So therefore the plan was to introduce these notes because circulation required more notes. 1000 rupee notes had been introduced about 15 years earlier. They were inadequate to doing transactions. You know, as the economy expands and the inflation takes place, more and more transactions take place, more and more money is required for circulation. So that was the reason. So in fact, the logic was not that 2000 rupee notes were introduced because of demonetization. Demonetization was done because 2000 rupee notes were going to be available from November. So logic was the opposite of what is being given out now. So 2000 rupee notes were required for circulation in the economy because the economy had become much larger. Now what the government is saying is these 2000 rupee notes are not needed, you know, which is not the case, which was not the original logic. And they're saying we are withdrawing them because now they're not serving the purpose, but they are serving the purpose of transactions, you know, and you've actually started withdrawing them. So their availability has gone down. And that's why whatever 2000 rupee notes are available, they're being used actually for a variety of reasons. One is the households need money for precautionary motive. You may have an illness, you may have some other. So it's not that the average family will hold large amount of these notes, but maybe the one crore, the top, you know, percent, 3% of the families, they needed for various precautionary purposes. They will hold two, three, four lakhs of rupees of cash at home, of which half or three quarters of which may be in 2000 rupee notes. Then there are businesses they needed for working capital, especially the small businesses, the micro businesses, and there are more than six crore of them. When farmers, their savings may be held in partly in this 2000 rupee notes, and there are 11 crore of them. So basically large percentage of these 2000 rupee notes are held either by small businesses or by farmers or by well-off families as transaction motive, as precautionary motive. Now what may be hold at the black wealth? And that is what you know, the government fears that large number of people are holding these 2000 rupee notes as black wealth. Now that also is really not the case. If you assume that this entire 3.6 lakh crore is being held by people who hold 10 crore rupees, then only you can say 36,000 people will be able to hold it, okay? Okay. Because 36,000 to 10 crores will become 3.6 lakh crores, right? So that's also not the case. And then we know that others also hold. So maybe 3, 4,000 people hold it in the form of cash at home for black wealth purposes, you know? And anyway, black wealth consists of many things. You know, just like white wealth consists of many things. You can have real estate, you can have bank balance, you can have shares, you can have debentures and so on. Similarly, black wealth is held in a variety of forms, including under-invoiced inventory and you're, you know, under-invoiced capital and various other things that you do.  Cash is less than 1% of the black wealth. So even if you could take out that 1% of the black wealth, 99% would remain. So then, Professor, then what are we achieving then? What is the motive behind the RBI's announcement? Then they say that, you know, a life cycle is four to five years, life cycle is over, therefore, clean money policy, even that doesn't hold water. Because if you are saying that these are not really being circulated, then the life cycle will be 10 years rather than four to five years. Then it's reading the clean note policy.  So what is the purpose? And anyway, the numbers are coming down. They were at the peak, they were about 6.5 lakh crore. Now they are 3.6 lakh crore. They're already almost half. So slowly they would have kept on decreasing. So I can only see a political purpose. The political purpose is that the government wants to say that we are taking care of black, you know, and at the time of demonetization, the public thought that that was stepped to take care of the black wealth of the rich people. Similar logic they'll try and give that no, we are acting against black money and black money was being held.  So these pictures that they're addressing, and the idea is that, you know, this charlotte's person, which is what the Karnataka janta seem to have been swayed by. So they're probably trying to address that political question. Similarly, in demonetization also, they were addressing the political question rather than the economic question. Do you think that there will be scenes similar to what happened in 2016 is specifically with reference to the smaller businesses. They really had a very tough time. Ordinary people had a tough time. Now the view seems to be that ordinary people might be spared of, you know, the suffering of standing in lines and, you know, some died in those lines. But will the small business suffer all over again? So you're absolutely right, you know, as I said, out of 30 crore families, one crore may be holding the 2000 rupees, no holds. But the rest 29 crore would not because you know, in the unorganized sector, as the Eastern portal data tells us 94% said they earn less than 10,000 rupees a month. If you're earning less than 10,000 or 20,000 rupees a month, you're not going to hold 2000 rupees notes, you know, you're not even going to use them for circulation. So the 1% families in the top echelons top to 3% would be having this kind of currency in hand. So they may be going in line, but the others will not. However, there'll be an indirect effect. The indirect effect is that the small traders, etc. If they find they don't have cash because they're not able to change their money into 500 rupee notes easily, then what will happen is the businesses, the small businesses, the micro businesses, they will come to stand still, and they may not be able to pay salary by raw materials. So they may reduce their employment temporarily. This will be a temporary thing, but it will have an impact on the economy. Now that will lower the income of those workers who get retrenched at this point of time. So the economic effect will be there because at the moment, you know, the small businesses, they're 6 crore plus small and tiny businesses, the farmers who have to pay wages, etc. in the fields, you know, they may be affected. So employment may get affected. The economies may get affected, you know, at the lower levels, not at the upper levels, upper levels can do with the electronic transactions and bank transactions, etc. On which there'll be no impact. Top 1% would be standing in line or changing their currency. And the others will be indirectly affected because of the employment and the decline in GDP. So in a sense, there are two parallels with 2016. One, you need a lot of political rhetoric right or wrong to cover up the impact of this. And two, the suffering will again be imposed on the smaller traders, the smaller companies, the smaller farmers, actually farmers of all kinds who want to sell their crop and buy their supplies. So then even the last time there was an election, a prominent election, was there before demonetization? Now again, after the demonetization, yes, election coming in February. This time the important election has just gone by. And three more elections are coming, right? But I think the image, you see the 40% Sakara image, that needs to be dented that we are active, we are proactive, we want to tackle black economy. And you know, the image last time was that even though the rich did not suffer, they managed to convert their currency into new notes, they knew the bankers, they knew others, they paid money to get the notes converted. Okay, so this time also the image would be that okay, this is a step against the corrupt and the black money, etc. And the public bought that image last time. Yes, not by that image to the same extent, but it'll be seen, government can always say, look, we are doing this. And some of the BJP spokesperson who've come, they've given the same logic again about these notes, as was being given up at demonetization, saying that black money would be affected, terrorism would be affected, counterfeit currency would be affected. But if none of that happened then, and that is a much bigger step. This step is hardly going to dent any of that. It makes a difference that this time more time has been given will shopkeepers traders simply stop accepting the notes right away. Absolutely, you're absolutely right, right away, even though it will remain legal tender, but nobody's going to accept it. So circulation will stop immediately. And that's why I think there may be cues in the coming 10, 15 days, converting notes, etc. people will be in trouble, small traders, etc. will not be to carry out their business that well. At this point of time, even though only 10% of the currency is being withdrawn. And so, you know, it'll take time to replace this with new 500 rupee notes. But that kind of shortage that was there in November 2016, that kind of shortage will not be there. But it seems from what you say that this is an unnecessary move, this will not serve any of the purposes that the politicians and spokesperson for the government are trying to convince people about, and that there is, evidently, a political motive behind this move as in 2016. You think it's unnecessary? Absolutely, it is not necessary because it was already going down. It had already have. And if you took more proactive steps to reduce it, you could have reduced it further and made it negligible part of your currency, you know, like, you know, if you remember in 1978, there's only 135 crores worth of the high denomination notes. And it was 0.6% of the total currency in circulation then. So this number would have come down from 10% to 1% or less would not have mattered at all. And as I said, at most 234,000 people hold this in the form of black wealth, which is not declared to the government. Right, last question, you know, we compared this particular withdrawal of currency with the one in 2016. And then we say that, okay, this is 10%. That was 86%. So this is very mild. But if that hadn't happened, would 10% not be disruptive enough bad enough a decision? No, so you know, as I said, this 2000 rupee currency note was not introduced to take care of demonetization. It was to improve transactions. That need will still remain because the small traders and businesses and the farmers etc. would still need to hold cash because that's what they used to these are cultural practices. And saying that less currency means less corruption is not true. Because in Japan, 18% of GDP, you know, the cash to GDP component is 18%. You know, in India, it's 13%. In Nigeria, it's 1.4%. In Sweden, it's 1.4%. So there's no direct correlation between how much cash is in the economy and how much corruption is there in the economy. You know, so it's a cultural practices. It's the way you do business that differs across countries. So you can't compare one country with other, you can't even change these practices very quickly. It takes time. So even though the government is attempting digitization and people are using more UPI and various other things, still the currency in circulation is going up is gone up from 18 lakh crore to about 35 lakh crore. The percentage of the economy, what was about 12% has gone up rather than come down. So in other words, the digitization will take place slowly, less cash economy will take place slowly, you can't push it. You have to change the cultural and the practices. What you require to do to check black income generation is to increase transparency, to increase accountability, you know, where every Khomchawala on the pavement has to pay Hafta, you know, to the municipal authority, to the police. And you know, there's lack of accountability in the political class, there's a lack of accountability in the bureaucracy. If you were to tackle that, black income generation would go go down completely. You know, so we are barking up the wrong tree. You know, 10% of the currency going out of circulation. Is there an acceptable level of hardship? We know when we discuss this kind of thing, I mean 10% is a large number. But the point is, you see currency when it goes out, your velocity of circulation can increase. People is circulated more. So it's not the amount of cash that you have, or the amount of money, but how fast is it circulating? So the circulation can go up and take care of the 10% that was not there. But given the cultural practices, such as slowly the demand for 500 rupee notes would have increased. And maybe you have to increase the 1000 rupee notes also, you may have to introduce the 1000 rupee notes. You know, and some suggestions seem to be to introduce the 1000 rupee notes again. All right, so it looks like a very disruptive scenario where you're introducing and pulling out notes. It seems like something that can cause a lot of instability, people will be unsure of what to expect next. Right, right. You're right that there'll be uncertainty, I'd say, apart from instability, uncertainty. And whenever there's uncertainty, then people hold more cash. You know, so the demand for cash may increase even further, even though people may be scared, the next 500 rupee notes may get demonetized again. You know, so in spite of all, you know, there'll be a lot of confusion. Our direct tax GDP ratio, which should have shot up if black income generation is affected, remained at about five and a half percent of the GDP. Slowly, it's gone up to six percent, but in between it had come down. So there's no such evidence. Similarly, GST collection means indirect taxes. Indirect tax collection was around 10 and a half percent, it remains around 10 and a half, 11 percent. So it's not that indirect tax collection went up. It's not the direct tax collection went up. So a tax GDP ratio did not change at all, which means that the black income generation has continued as before. Because if the black income generation comes down, then that would change.  Similarly, as the Prime Minister said, only 1.5 crore Indians are effective taxpayers, so 140 crore. So even though the number of people filing has gone up from say 5 crore to 8 crore, but also the number of people declaring nil income or very low income has gone up. It's not the number of people paying taxes that has gone up, you know. So therefore, we still have about 1.1 percent of the population is effective taxpayers. That is according to my estimate, about 5 percent should be effective taxpayers. So we haven't been able to make a dent on that, you know. Right Professor Ankumar, thank you very much for joining us. And that is all we have for today. We'll be following this and other stories on our website, newsclick.in and on our YouTube channel, NewsClickin. Keep watching NewsClickin and give us a follow to stay up to date on the latest developments. Thank you again for watching.