Chapter 1 of The Nest of the Sparrowhawk, a Romance of the Seventeenth Century by Baroness Emma Orksie This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, recording by Dion Jines, Salt Lake City, Utah. The House of A Kentish Squire Master him of praise busy folded his hands before him ere he spoke. Nay, but I tell thee, woman, that the Lord hath no love for such frivolities and a lack, but tis a sign of the times that an English squire should favor such evil ways. Evil ways, the Lord love you, master him of praise, and pray do you call half an hour at this skittle alley, evil ways. I, evil it is, to indulge our sinful bodies in such recreation as doth not tend to the glorification of the Lord and the sanctification of our immortal souls. He who sermonized thus unctuously and with eyes fixed with stern disapproval on the buxom wench before him was a man who had passed the meridian of life not altogether. It may be surmised without having indulged in some recreations which had not always the sanctification of his own immortal soul for their primary object. The bulk of his figure testified that he was not averse to good cheer and there was a certain hidden twinkle underlying the severe expression of his eyes as they rested on the pretty face and round figure of mistress charity that did not necessarily tend to the glorification of the Lord. Apparently, however, the admonitions of master him of praise made but a scanty impression on the young girl's mind for she regarded him with a mixture of amusement and contempt as she shrugged her plump shoulders and said with sudden irrelevance, Have you had your dinner yet, master busy? Tis sinful to address a single Christian person as if he or she or several retorted the man sharply. But I'll tell thee in confidence, mistress, that I have not partaken of a single drop more comforting than cold water the whole of today. Mistress de Chevasse mixed the sac-po-set with her own hands this morning and locked it in the cellar of which she hath rigorously held the key. Ten minutes ago, when she placed the bowl on this table, she called my attention to the fact that the delectable beverage came to within three inches of the brim. He seems I shall have to seek for a less suspicious, more Christian-spirited household whereon to bestow in the near future my faithful services. Hardly had master him of praise finished speaking when he turned very sharply round and looked with renewed sternness wholly untempered by a twinkle this time in the direction whence he thought a suppressed giggle had just come to his ears. But what he saw must surely have completely reassured him. There was no suggestion of unseemly rivalry about the young lad who had been busy laying out the table with spoons and mugs and was at this moment vigorously somewhat ostentatiously perhaps polishing a carved oak chair bending to his task in a manner which fully accounted for the high color in his cheeks. He had long, lanky hair of a pale straw color, a thin face and high cheekbones and was dressed as was also master him of praise busy in a dark purple doublet and knee-bridges all looking very much the worse for wear. The brown tags and buttons with which these garments had originally been roughly adorned were conspicuous in a great many places by their absence whilst all those that remained were mere skeletons of their former selves. The plain collars and cuffs which relieved the dull color of the men's doublets were of singularly coarse linen not beyond reproach as to cleanliness and altogether innocent of starch whilst the thick brown worsted stockings displayed many a hole through which the flesh peeped and the shoes of roughly tanned leather were down at heel and worn through at the toes and doubtedly even in these days of more than primitive simplicity and of sober habiliments master him of praise busy butler at Eichel court in the county of Kent and his henchmen master courage too good would have been conspicuous for the shabbiness and poverty of the livery which they wore. The hour was three in the afternoon outside a glorious July sun spread radiance and glow over an old-fashioned garden over tall you hedges and fantastic forms of green birds and heads of beasts carefully cut and trimmed over clumps of late roses and rough tangles of marguerites and potentias of stiff zinnias and rich hewed snap-dragons. Through the open window came the sound of wood knocking against wood of exclamations of annoyance or triumph as the game proceeded and every now and then a ripple of prolonged laughter girlish fresh pure as the fragrant air clear as the last notes of the cuckoo before he speaks his final farewell to summer. Every time that echo of youth and gaiety penetrated into the oak rafter dining room master him of praise busy pursed his thick lips in disapproval whilst the younger man had he dared would no doubt have gone to the window and leaning out as far as safety would permit have tried to catch a glimpse of the skittle alley and of a light-colored curdle claiming among the trees but as it was he caught the older man's stern eyes fixed reprovingly upon him he'd assisted from his work of dusting and polishing and looking up to the heavy oak beam above him he said with becoming fervor Lord how beautifully thou dost speak master busy get on with thy work master courage retorted the other relentlessly and mix not thine unruly talk with the wise sayings of thy betters my work is done master go fetch the pasties then the quality will be indirectly rejoined the other peremptorily throwing a scrutinizing look at the table where on a somewhat meager collation of cherries raspberries and gooseberries and a more generous bowl of sack posette had been arranged by mistress charity and master courage under his own supervision doubtless doubtless here interposed the young maid somewhat hurriedly desirous perhaps of distracting the grave butler's attention from the mischievous auglings of the lad as he went out of the room as you remark him as thou remarkest this place of service is none to the liking of such as thee she threw him a coy glance from beneath well grown lashes which caused the saintly man to pass his tongue over his lips an action which of a surety had not the desire for spiritual glory for its main spring with dainty hands mistress charity busied herself with the delicacies upon the table she adjusted a gooseberry which seemed inclined to tumble heaped up the currents into more graceful pyramids woman like whilst her eyes apparently followed the motions of her hands they nevertheless took stock of master him of praises attitude with regard to herself she knew that in defiance of my lord protector and all his Puritans she was looking her best this afternoon though her curdle was as threadbare as master courage as breeches it was nevertheless just short enough to display to great advantage her neatly turned ankle and well arched foot on which the thick stockings well darned and shabby shoes sat not at all amiss her kerchief was neatly folded white and slightly starched her cuffs immaculately and primly turned back just above her round elbow and shapely arm on the whole mistress charity was pleased with her own appearance sir marmadu de shavas and the mistress were seeing company this afternoon and the neighboring Kentish squires who had come to play skittles and to drink sack post that might easily find a less welcome site and that of the serving made at a call court as for myself now resumed mistress charity after a slight pause during which she had felt master busy admiring gaze fixed persistently upon her as for myself I'll seek service with a lady less like to find such constant fault with a hard working made master courage had just returned carrying a large dish heaped up with delicious looking pasties fresh from the oven brown and crisp with butter and ornamented with sprigs of barrage which made them appear exceedingly tempting charity took the dish from the lad and heavy as it was she carried it to the table and placed it right in the very center of it she arranged the sprigs of barrage made a fresh disposition of the baskets of fruit whilst both the men watched her open mouthed a gate at so much loveliness and grace and she added significantly looking with ill concealed covetousness at the succulent pasties where there's at least one dog or cat about the place I know not mistress said him of praise that thou wasst over find of domestic pets tis sinful to law master busy you have thou mistake as to my meaning I have no love for such creatures but without so much as a kitten about the house Prithee how am I to account to my mistress for the pasties and and comforts not to speak of breakages there is always master courage suggested him of praise with a movement of the left eyelid which in the case of any one less saintly might have been described as a sly wink that there is not interrupted the lad decisively my stomach rebels against comforts and sack post set could never be laid to my door I give the assurance master busy concluded the young girl that the county of Kent no longer suits my constitution tis London for me and thither will I go next year tis a den of wickedness commented busy sententiously in spite of my Lord protector who of a truth does turn his back on the saints and hath even allowed the great George Fox and some of the friends to languish in prison whilst profligacy holds undisputed sway master courage me seems those mugs need washing a second time he added with sudden irrelevance take them to the kitchen and do not let me set eyes on me until they shine like pieces of new silver master courage would have either resisted the order altogether or at any rate argued the point of the cleanliness of the mugs had he dared but the saintly man possessed on occasions a heavy hand and he also wore boots which had very hard toes and the lad realized from the peremptory look in the butler's eyes that this was an occasion when both hand and boot would serve to emphasize master busy's orders with unpleasant force if he himself were at all slow to obey he tried to catch charity's eye but was made aware once more of the eternal truth that women are perverse and fickle creatures for she would not look at him and seemed absorbed in the rearrangement of her kerchief with a deep sigh which should have spoken volumes to her adamantine heart courage gathered all the mugs together by their handles and reluctantly marched out of the room once more him of praise busy waited a moment or two until the clattering of the pewter died away in the distance then he edged a little closer to the table where at mistress charity seemed still very busy with the fruit and said haltingly Ditz thou really wish to go mistress to leave thy fond adoring him of praise to go mistress and to break my heart charity's dainty had with its tiny velvet cap edged with lawn which hardly concealed sufficiently the wealth of her unruly brown hair sank meditatively upon her left shoulder lord master busy she said demirally how was a poor maid to know that you meant it earnestly meant it earnestly yes a new curdle a gold ring flowers and sack posette and pasties to all the guests she explained is that what you mean how what thou meanest master busy of a surety mistress and if thou wouldst allow me to to to what master busy to salute thee said the saintly man with a becoming blush as the lord doth allow his creatures to salute one another with a chaste kiss mistress then as she seemed to demur he added by way of persuasion I am not altogether a poor man mistress and there is that in my coffer upstairs put by as would please thee in the future nay I was not thinking of the money master busy said this daughter of eve coily as she held a rosy cheek out in the direction of the righteous man tis the duty even of a voracious chronicler to draw a discrete veil over certain scenes full of blissful moments for those whom he portrays there are no data extant as to what occurred during the next few seconds in the old oak beamed dining room of a call court in the island of then it certain it is that when next we get a peep at master him of praise busy and mistress charity haggit they are standing side by side he looking somewhat shame faced in the midst of his obvious joy and she supremely unconcerned once more absorbed in the apparently never ending adornment of the refreshment table doubt have no cause to regret this mistress said busy complacently we will be married this very autumn and I have it in my mind and it please the Lord to go up to London and take secret service under my Lord protector himself secret service master busy ham I mean him of praise dear secret service what may that be tis a noble business charity he replied and one highly commended by the Lord the business of tracking the wicked to their layer of discovering evil where tis hidden in dark places conspiracies against my Lord protector adherence to the cause of the banished tyrants and and so forth sounds like spying to me she remarked curtly spying spying didstow say he exclaimed indignantly fight on the charity for the thought secret service under my Lord protector tis called and a highly lucrative business to and one for which I have remarkable aptitude indeed I see the manner in which I find things out mistress this house now thou would think tis but an ordinary house a his manner changed the saintliness vanished from his attitude the expression of his face became sly and knowing he came near to charity took hold of her wrist whilst he raised one finger to his lips thou would think tis an ordinary house what's thou not he repeated sinking his voice to a whisper murmuring right into her ear so that his breath blew her hair about causing it to tickle her cheek she shuddered with apprehension his manner was so mysterious yes yes she murmured terrified but I tell thee that there's something going on he added significantly law master busy you you terrify me she said on the verge of tears what could there be going on master busy raised both his hands and with the right began counting off the fingers of the left firstly he began solemnly there's an eras secondly our master poor as a church mouse thirdly a young scholar secretary they call him though he writes no letters and is all day absorbed in his studies well mistress he concluded turning a triumphant gaze on her tell me prithee what happens what happens master him of praise I do not understand what does happen I'll tell thee he replied sententiously when I have found out but mark my words mistress there's something going on in this house hush not a word to that young jack and apes he added as a distant clatter of pewter mugs announced the approach of master courage watch with me mistress thou wilt perceive something and when I have found out twill be the beginning of our fortunes once more he placed a warning finger on his lips once more he gave mistress charity a knowing wink and her wrist and at monetary pressure then he resumed his stayed and severe manner his saintly mean and somewhat nasal tones as from the gay outside world beyond the window embrasure the sound of many voices the ripple of young laughter the clink of healed boots on the stone flagged path proclaimed the arrival of the quality and of chapter one chapter two of the nest of the sparrow hawk by Emma orc see this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Dion John's Sutleck City Utah on a July afternoon in the meanwhile in a remote corner of the park the quality was assembled round the Skittle alley imagine Sir Marmaduke to shove us standing there as stiff around head as ever upheld my lord protector and his puritanic government in this remote corner of the county of Kent dower in manner harsh featured and hollow eyed dressed in dark doublet and breeches holy void of tags ribbons or buttons his closely shorn head is flat at the back square in front his clean shaven lips though some what thick are always held tightly pressed together not far from him sits on a rough wooden seat mistress Amelia Aditha Dushavas widow of Sir Marmaduke's elder brother a good-looking woman still save for the look of discontent almost of suppressed rebellion apparent in the perpetual dark frown between the straight brows in the downward curve of the well chiseled mouth and in the lowering look which seems to dwell forever in the handsome dark eyes Dame Harrison too was there the large and portly dowager florid of face dictatorial in manner dressed in the supremely unbecoming style prevalent at the moment when everything that was beautiful in art as well as in nature was condemned as sinful and ungodly she wore the dark curdle and plain ungainly bodice with its hard white kerchief folded over her ample bosom her hair was parted down the middle and brushed smoothly and flatly to her ears but where a few curls were allowed to escape with well regulated primness from beneath the horn comb and the whole appearance of her looked almost grotesque surmounted as it was by the modest high-peaked beaver hat a marvel of hideousness and discomfort since the small brim afforded no protection against the sun and the tall crown was a ready prey to the buffettings of the wind mistress fair soul pinching and two was there the wife of the squire of ash thin and small a contrast to Dame Harrison in her mild and somewhat fussy manner her plain petticoat too was embellished with panniers and in spite of the heat of the day she wore a tippet edged with fur both of which frivolous adornments had obviously stirred up the wrath of her more puritanical neighbor then there were the men busy at this moment with hurling wooden balls along the alley at the further end of which a hollow eyed scraggie youth in shirt and rough linen trousers was employed in propping up again the fallen nine pins squire John Boatfield had ridden over from Eastry Sir Timothy Harrison had come in his aunt's coach and young squire pinching with his doting mother and in the midst of all these sober folk of young men in severe garments of portly dames and frowning squires a girlish figure young alert vigorous wearing with the charm of her own youth and freshness the unbecoming attire which disfigured her elders yet seemed to set off her own graceful form her dainty bosom and pretty arms her kirtle too was plain and dull in color of a soft dove like gray without adornment of any kind but round her shoulders her kerchief was daintily turned edged with delicate lace and showing through its filmy folds peeps of her own creamy skin twas years later that Sir Peter Lely painted Lady Sue when she was a great lady and the friend of the Queen she was beautiful then in the full splendor of her mature charms but never so beautiful as she was on that hot July afternoon in the year of our Lord 1657 when heated with the ardor of the game pleased undoubtedly with the adulation which surrounded her on every side she laughed and chatted with the men teased the women her cheeks a glow her eyes bright her brown hair persistently unruly flying in thick curls over her neck and shoulders a remarkable talent good Sir Marmaduke Dame Harrison was saying to her host as she cast a complacent eye on her nephew who had just succeeded in overthrowing three nine pins at one stroke Sir Timothy hath every aptitude for outdoor pursuits and though my Lord protector deems all such recreation sinful yet do I think they tend to the development of muscular energy which later on may be placed at the service of the Commonwealth Sir Timothy Harrison at this juncture had the misfortune of expending his muscular energy in hitting squire boat field violently on the shin with an ill aimed ball damn ejaculated the latter heedless of the strict fines imposed by my Lord protector on unseemly language I verily beg the ladies pardon but this young jacken apes nearly broke my shin bone there certainly had been an exclamation of horror on the part of the ladies at squire boat fields forcible expression of annoyance Dame Harrison taking no pains to conceal her disapproval horrid course creature this neighbor of yours good sir marmaduke she said with her usual air of decision me seems he is not fit company for your ward dear squire boat field side mistress pension who was evidently disposed to be more lenient how good humoredly he bears it clumsy people should not be trusted in a skittle alley she added in a mild way which seemed to be peculiarly exasperating to dame harrisons irascible temper I pray you sir timothy here interposed lady sue trying to repress the laughter which would rise to her lips forgive poor squire John you scarce can expect him to moderate his language under such provocation oh his insults leave me completely indifferent said the young man with easy unconcern his calling me a jack and apes doth not of necessity make me one no retorted squire boat field who was still nursing his shin bone maybe not sir timothy but it shows how observant I am Oliver pick up lady sues handkerchief came in mild accents from mistress pension quite unnecessary good mistress rejoined dame harrison decisively sir timothy has already seen it and while the two young man made a quick and not altogether successful dive for her lady ships handkerchief colliding vigorously with one another in their endeavor to perform this act of gallantry single-handed ladies lady sue gazed down on them with good humor contempt laughter and mischief dancing in her eyes she knew that she was good to look at that she was rich and that she had the pick of the country I of the south of England did she desire to wed perhaps she thought of this even whilst she laughed at the antics of her bevy of courtiers all anxious to win her good graces yet even as she laughed her face suddenly clouded over a strange wistful look came into her eyes and her laughter was lost in a quick short sigh a young man had just crossed the tiny rustic bridge which spanned the haha dividing the flower garden from the uncultivated park he walked rapidly through the trees towards the Skittle alley and as he came nearer the merry light-heartedness seemed suddenly to vanish from lady Sue's manner the ridiculousness of the two young men at her feet glaring furiously at one another whilst fighting for her handkerchief seemed now to irritate her she snatched the bit of delicate linen from their hands and turned somewhat petulantly away shall we continue the game she said curtly the young man all the while that he approached had not taken his eyes off lady Sue twice he had stumbled against rough bits of root or branch which he had not perceived in the grass through which he walked he had seen her laughing gaily whilst squire boat field used profane language and smile with contemptuous merriment at the two young men at her feet he had also seen the change in her manner the sudden wistful look the quick sigh the irritability and the petulance but his own grave face expressed neither disapproval at the one mood nor astonishment at the other he walked somewhat like a some Nambulist with eyes fixed almost expressionless in the intensity of their gaze he was very plainly even poorly clad and looked a dark figure even amongst these soberly appareled gentry the grass beneath his feet had deadened the sound of his footsteps but Sir Marmaduke had apparently perceived him for he beckoned to him to approach what is it Lambert he asked kindly your letter to master skiffington Sir Marmaduke replied the young man will you be pleased to sign it will it not keep said Sir Marmaduke yes and you wish it sir I fear I have intruded I did not know you were busy the young man had a harsh voice and a strange brusqueness of manner which somehow suggested rebellion against the existing conditions of life he no longer looked at Lady Sue now but straight at Sir Marmaduke speaking the brief apology between his teeth without opening his mouth as if the words hurt him when they passed his lips you had best speak to master skiffington himself about the business rejoined Sir Marmaduke not heeding the mumbled apology he will be here anon he turned abruptly away and the young man once more left to himself silently and mechanically moved again in the direction of the house you will join us in a bowl of sack poset master Lambert said mistress day chivas striving to be amiable you are very kind he said none too genially in about half an hour if you will allow me there is another letter yet to write no one had taken much notice of him even in these days when kingship and house of lords were abolished the sense of social inequality remained keen to this coterie of avowed republicans young Richard Lambert secretary or what not to Sir Marmaduke a paid dependent at any rate was not worth more than a curt nod of the head a condescending acknowledgement of his existence at best but lady Sue had not even bestowed the nod she had not actually taken notice of his presence when he came the wistful look had vanished as soon as the young man's harsh voice had broken on her ear she did not look on him now that he went she was busy with her game Nathlas her guardian secretary was of no more importance in the rich heiress's sight than that mute row of nine pins at the end of the alley nor was there may have in her mind much social distinction between the hollow-eyed lad who set them up stolidly from time to time and the silent young student who wrote those letters which Sir Marmaduke had not known how to spell end of chapter two chapter three of the nest of the sparrowhawk by Emma Orksey this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Dionne Giants Celtic City Utah the exile but despite outward indifference with the brief appearance of the soberly garbed young student upon the scene and his abrupt and silent departure all the zest seemed to have gone out of Lady Sue's mood the ingenuous flatteries of her little court irritated her now she no longer felt either amused or pleased by the extravagant compliments lavished upon her beauty and skill by Squire John by Sir Timothy Harrison or the more diffident young Squire Pinchian of a truth I sometimes wish Lady Sue that I could find out if you have any faults remarked Squire Boatfield unctuously nay Squire she retorted sharply pray try to praise me to my female friends in vain did mistress Pinchian admonish her son to be more bold in his wooing you behave like a fool Oliver she said meekly but mother go make yourself pleasing to her ladieship but mother I pray you my son she retorted with unusual acerbity do you want a million or do you not but mother then go out once and get it air that fool Sir Timothy or the odious Boatfield capture it under your very nose but mother go say something smart to her at once talk about your gray mayor she is over fond of horses then as the young Squire awkward and clumsy in his manner more accustomed to the company of his own servants than to that of high born ladies made sundry unfortunate attempts to enchain the attention of the heirs his worthy mother turned with meek benignity to Sir Marmaduke a veritable infatuation good Sir Marmaduke she said with a sigh against my interests you know I had no thought to see the dear lad married so soon nor to give up my home at the dean yet in favor of a new mistress not but that Oliver is not a good son to his mother such a good lad and such a good husband he would be to any girl who a strange youth that secretary of yours Sir Marmaduke here interposed Dame Harrison in her loud dictatorial voice breaking in on mistress pensions ditherams modest he appears to be and silent to a paragon me seems she spoke with obvious sarcasm casting covert glances at Lady Sue to see if she heard Sir Marmaduke shrugged his shoulders Lambert is very industrious he said currently I thought secretaries never did anything but suck the ends of their pens suggested mistress pension mildly sometimes they make love to their employer's daughter retorted Dame Harrison spitefully for ladies Sue was undoubtedly to the conversation now that it had the young secretary for object she was not watching Squire Boatfield who was wielding the balls just then with remarkable prowess and at this last remark from the portly old dame she turned sharply round and said with a strange little air of haughtiness which somehow became her very well but then you see mistress master Lambert's employer does not possess a daughter of his own only award may have that is the reason why his secretary performs his duties so well in other ways her cheeks were glowing as she said this and she looked quite defiant as if challenging these disagreeable mothers and aunts of fortune hunting youths to cast unpleasant aspersions on a friend whom she had taken under her special protection Sir Marmaduke looked at her keenly a deep frown settled between his eyes at sight of her enthusiasm his face suddenly looked older and seemed more dour more repellent Suhath such a romantic temperament he said dryly speaking between his teeth and as if with an effort Lambert's humble origin has fired her imagination he has no parents and his elder brother is the blacksmith down at Acle his aunt who seems to have had charge of the boys ever since they were children is just a common old woman lives in the village a strict adherent so I am told of this new sect whom just as Bennett of Derby hath so justly nicknamed Quakers they talk strangely these people and believe in a mighty queer fashion I know not if Lambert be of their creed for he does not use the thee and thou when speaking as do all Quakers so I am told but his empty pockets a smattering of learning which he has picked up the Lord knows where and a plethora of unspoken grievances have all proved a sure passport to Lady Suh's sympathy nay, but your village of Acle seems full of queer folk good Sir Marmaduke said Mistress Pinchin I have heard talk among my servants of a mysterious prince hailed from France who has lately made one of your cottages his home oh ah yes quote Sir Marmaduke lightly the interesting exile from the court of King Louis I did not know that his fame had reached you Mistress a French prince in this village exclaimed Dame Harrison Sharply and pray good Sir Marmaduke where did you go of fishing to get such a bite nay replied Sir Marmaduke with a short laugh I had not to do with his coming he wandered to Acle from Dover about six months ago it seems and found refuge in the Lambert's cottage where he has remained ever since a queer fellow I believe I have only seen him once or twice in my fields in the evening usually perhaps there was just a curious note of irritability in Sir Marmaduke's voice as he spoke of this mysterious inhabitant of the quiet village of Acle certain it is that the two matchmaking old dames seemed smitten at one and the same time with a sense of grave danger to their schemes an exile from France a prince who hides his identity and his person in a remote Kentish village and a girl with a highly imaginative temperament like Lady Sue here was surely a more definite a more important rival to the pretensions of homely country youths like Sir Timothy Harrison or Squire Pinchian then even the student of humble origin whose brother was a blacksmith whose aunt was a quakeress and who wandered about the park of Acle with hollow eyes fixed longingly on the much courted heiress Dame Harrison and Mistress Pinchian both instinctively turned a scrutinizing gaze on her ladyship neither of them was perhaps ordinarily very observant but self-interest had made them keen and it would have been impossible not to note the strange atmosphere which seemed suddenly to pervade the entire personality of the young girl there was nothing in her face now expressive of wholehearted partisanship for an absent friend such as she had displayed when she felt that young Lambert was being unjustly sneered at rather it was a kind of entranced and arrested thought as if her mind having come in contact with one all absorbing idea had ceased to function in any other direction save that one her cheeks no longer glowed they seemed pale and transparent like those of an ascetic her lips were slightly parted her eyes appeared unconscious of everything round her and gazing at something enchanting beyond that bank of clouds which glimmered snow-white through the trees but what in the name of common sense is a French prince doing in a coal village ejaculated Dame Harrison in her most strident voice which had the effect of drawing everyone's attention to herself and to Sir Marmaduke whom she was thus addressing the men ceased playing and gathered nearer the spell was broken that strange and mysterious look vanished from Lady Sue's face she turned away from the speakers and idly plucked a few bunches of acorn from an overhanging oak of a truth replied Sir Marmaduke whose eyes were still steadily fixed on his ward I know as little about the fellow ma'am as you do yourself he was exiled from France by King Louis for political reasons so he explained to the old woman Lambert with whom he is still lodging I understand that he hardly ever sleeps at the cottage that his appearances there are short and fitful and that his ways are passing mysterious and that is all I know he added in conclusion with a careless shrug of the shoulders quite a romance remarked Mistress Pencian-Dreilly you should speak to him good Sir Marmaduke said Dame Harrison decisively you are a magistrate tis your duty to know more of this fellow and his antecedents scarcely that ma'am rejoined Sir Marmaduke you understand I have a young ward living for the nonce in my house she is very rich and I fear me of a very romantic disposition I shall try to get the man removed from hence but until that is accomplished I prefer to know nothing about him how wise of you good Sir Marmaduke quote Mistress Pencian with a sigh of content a sentiment obviously echoed in the hearts of a good many people there present one knows these foreign adventurers concluded Sir Marmaduke with pleasant irony with their princely crowns and forlorn causes half a million of English money would no doubt regild the former and bolster up the latter he rose from his seat as he spoke boldly encountering even as he did so a pair of wrathful and contemptuous girlish eyes fixed steadily upon him shall we go within he said addressing his guests and returning his young ward's gaze haughtily even commandingly a cup of sack posset will be welcome after the fatigue of the game will you honor my poor house mistress and you too ma'am gentlemen you must fight among yourselves for the privilege of escorting Lady Sue to the house and if she proves somewhat disdainful this beautiful summer's afternoon I pray you remember that faint heart never won fair lady and that the citadel is not worth storming and it is not obdurate the suggestion of sack posset proved vastly to the liking of the merry company mistress to chivas who had been singularly silent all the afternoon walked quickly in advance of her brother-in-law's guests no doubt in order to cast a scrutinizing eye over the arrangements of the table which she had entrusted to the servants Sir Marmaduke followed at a short distance escorting the older women making somewhat obvious efforts to control his own irritability and to impart some sort of geniality to the proceedings then in a noisy group in the rear came the three men still fighting for the good graces of Lady Sue whilst she, silent, absorbed walked leisurely along paying no heed to the wrangling of her courtiers her fingers tearing up with nervous impatience the delicate cups of the acorns which she then threw from her with childish petulance and her eyes still sought the distance beyond the boundaries of Sir Marmaduke's private grounds where cornfields and sky and sea were merged by the summer haze into a glowing line of emerald and purple and gold End of Chapter 3 Chapter 4 of The Nest of the Sparrowhawk by Emma Orksy This LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Dion Jain's Salt Lake City, Utah Grinding Poverty It was about an hour later Sir Marmaduke's gas had departed Dame Harrison in her rickety coach Mistress Pinchien in her chase whilst Squire Boatfield was riding his well-known ancient cob Everyone had drunk sack posset had eaten turkey pasties and enjoyed the luscious fruit the men had striven to be agreeable to the heiress, the old ladies to be encouraging to their protégés Sir Marmaduke had tried to be equally amiable to all whilst favoring none He was an unpopular man in East Kent and he knew it doing nothing to counterbalance the unpleasing impression caused invariably by his surly manner and his sarcastic, often violent temper Mistress Amelia Aditha Deschevas was now alone with her brother-in-law in the great bare hall of the court Lady Sue, having retired to her room under pretext of the vapors and young Lambert been finally dismissed from work for the day You are passing kind to the youth Marmaduke said Mistress Deschevas meditatively when the young man's darkly-clad figure had disappeared up the stairs she was sitting in a high-backed chair her head resting against the carved woodwork the folds of her simple gown hung primely round her well-shaped figure and doubtedly she was still a very good-looking woman though past the heyday of her youth and beauty the half-light caused by the depth of the window embrasure and the smallness of the glass panes through which the summer sun hardly succeeded in gaining admittance added a certain softness to her chiseled features and to the usually hard expression of her large dark eyes she was gazing out of the tall window where in the several broken panes were roughly patched with scraps of paper out into the garden and the distance beyond where the sea could be always guessed at even when not seen Sir Marmaduke had his back to the light he was sitting astride a low chair his high-booted foot tapping the ground impatiently his fingers drumming a devil's tattoo against the back of the chair Lambert would starve if I did not provide for him he said with a sneer Adam, his brother, could do not for him he is poor as a church mouse poor even than I but, not less he added with a violent oath it strikes everyone as madness that I should keep a secretary when I scarce can pay the wages of a serving maid to her better you paid your servants wages Marmaduke, she retorted harshly they were insolent to me just now why do you not pay the girls arrears today why do I not climb up to the moon my dear Aditha and bring down a few stars with me in my descent he replied with a shrug of his broad shoulders I have come to my last shilling the Earl of Northullerton cannot live forever he hath vowed I believe that he would do it if only to spite me and by the time that he come to die this accursed commonwealth will have abolished all titles and confiscated every estate Hush Marmaduke, she said casting a quick furtive look all round her there may be spies about nay I care not he rejoined roughly jumping to his feet and kicking the chair aside so that it struck with a loud crash against the flagged floor tis but little good a man gets for cleaving loyally to the commonwealth these sequestered estates of the royalists would have been distributed among the adherents of republicanism and not held to bolster up a military dictatorship bah, he continued allowing his temper to overmaster him speaking in harsh tones and with many a violent oath it had been wiser to embrace the royal cause the lord protector is sick so tis said his son Richard hath no backbone and the present tyranny is worse than the last I cannot collect my rents I have been given neither reward nor compensation for the help I gave in 46 so much for their boasted gratitude and their many promises my lord protector feasts the dutch ambassadors with music and with wine my lords Ayrton and Fairfax and Hutchinson and the accursed lot of canting puritans flaunt it in silks and satins whilst I go about in a ragged doublet and with holes in my shoes there's Lady Sue murmured mistress to chavos soothingly Shah the guardianship of a girl who comes of age in three months you can get another by that time not I am not a sycophant hanging round Whitehall twas sheer good luck and no merit of mine that got me the guardianship of Sue Lord Middlesboro her kinsmen wanted it the courts would have given her to him but old knoll thought him too much of a gentleman whilst I and out at Elbow's Country Squire was more to my lord protectors liking tis the only thing he ever did for me there was intense bitterness and a harsh vein of sarcasm running through Sir Marmaduke's talk it was the speech of a disappointed man who had hoped and striven and fought once had raised longing hands towards brilliant things and sighed after glory and riches or fame but whose restless spirit had since been tamed crushed under the heavy weight of unsatisfied ambition poverty grinding unceasing uninteresting poverty had been Sir Marmaduke's relentless tormentor ever since he had reached man's estate his father Sir Jeremy de Chavos had been poor before him he was the son of that Earl of North Allerton who cut such a brilliant figure at the court of Queen Elizabeth Jeremy had married Mr. Aspanton of Acle Court who had brought him a few acres of land heavily burdened with mortgage as her dowry they were a simple minded un ostentatious couple who pinched and scraped and starved that their two sons brought the appearances of gentlemen at the court of King Charles but both the young men seem to have inherited from their brilliant grandfather luxurious tastes and a love of gambling and of show but neither his wealth nor yet his personal charm of manner the eldest Roland however soon disappeared from the arena of life he married when scarce years of age a girl who had been a play actress this marriage nearly broke his doting mother's heart and his own too for the matter of that for the union was a most unhappy one Roland de Chavos died very soon after unreconciled to his father and mother who refused to see him or his family even on his deathbed Chavos's few hopes now centered on his younger son Marmaduke in order to enable the young man to remain in London to mix freely and to hold his own in that set into which family traditions had originally gained him admittance the fond mother and indulgent father denied themselves the very necessities of life Marmaduke took everything that was given him whilst chafing at the posity of his allowance determined to cut a figure at court he spent two years and most of his mother's dowry in a vain attempt to capture the heart of one or the other of the rich heiresses who graced the entourage of Charles I but nature who had given Marmaduke boundless ambition had failed to bestow on him those attributes which would have helped him on towards its satisfaction he was neither sufficiently prepossessing to please an heiress nor sufficiently witty and brilliant to catch the royal eye or the favor of his uncle the present Earl of North Allerton his efforts in the direction of advantageous matrimony had earned for him at court the name of the Sparrowhawk but even these efforts had soon to be relinquished for want of the wherewithal the doting mother no longer could supply him with a sufficiency of money to vie with the rich gallants at the court and the savings which Sir Jeremy had been patiently accumulating with a view to freeing the acal estates from mortgage went instead to rescue young Marmaduke from a debtor's prison poor Sir Jeremy did not long survive his disappointment Marmaduke returned to a coal court only to find his mother a broken invalid and his father dead since then it had been a perpetual struggle against poverty and debt a bitter revolt against fate a burning desire to satisfy ambition which had received so serious a check when the great conflict broke out between king and parliament he threw himself into it without zest and without conviction embracing the cause of the malcontents with a total lack of enthusiasm merely out of disappointment out of hatred for the brilliant court and circle in which he had once hoped to become a prominent figure he fought under Ierton was commended as a fairly good soldier though too rebellious to be very reliable too self-willed to be wholly trusted even in these days of brilliant reputations quickly made he remained obscure and practically unnoticed advancement never came his way and whilst younger men succeeded in attracting the observant eye of old noel he was superseded at every turn passed over a non-forgotten when my lord protectors on tarrage was formed the household organized no one thought of the sparrow hawk for any post that would have satisfied his desires once more he cursed his own poverty money the want of it he felt was at the root of all his disappointments a burning desire to obtain it at any cost even that of honor filled his entire being his mind his soul his thoughts every nerve in his body money and social prestige to be somebody at court or elsewhere politically commercially he cared not to handle money and to command attention he became wary less reckless striving to obtain by diplomatic means that which he had once hoped to snatch by sheer force of personality the court of chancery having instituted itself soul guardian and administrator of the revenues and fortunes of minors whose father had fought on the royalist side and were either dead or in exile and waiting unto itself the power to place such minors under the tutelage of persons whose loyalty to the common wealth was undoubted Sir Marmaduke bethought himself of applying for one of these official guardianships which were known to be very lucrative and moreover practically sinicures fate for once favored him a half contemptuous desire to do something for this out at Elbow's Kentish Squire who had certainly been a loyal adherent of the common wealth caused my lord protector to favor his application the rich daughter of the Marquis of Dover was placed under the guardianship of Sir Marmaduke de Chevasse with an allowance of 4,000 pounds a year for her maintenance until she came of age and some fortune and stroke of good luck for a wise and prudent man a drop in an ocean of debts difficulties and expensive tastes in the case of Sir Marmaduke a prolonged visit to London with a view either of gaining a foothold in the new court or of drawing the attention of the malcontents of Monk and his party or even of the royalists to himself resulted in further debts in more mortgages more bitter disappointments the man himself did not please his personality was unsympathetic Lady Sue's money which he now lavished right and left bought neither friendship nor confidence he joined all the secret clubs which in defiance of Cromwell's rigid laws against betting and gambling were the resort of all the smart gentlemen in the town ill luck at hazard and dice pursued him he was a bad loser quarrelsome and surly his ambition had not taught him the salutary lesson of how to make friends in order to attain his desires his second return to the ancestral home was scarcely less disastrous than the first a mortgage on his revenues as guardian of Lady Sue Aldmarsh just saved him this time from the pursuit of his creditors and this mortgage he had only obtained through false statements as to his wards age as he told his sister in law a moment ago he was at his last gasp he had perhaps just begun to realize that he would never succeed through the force of his own individuality therefore money had become a still more imperative necessity to him he was past 40 now disappointed ambition and an ever rebellious spirit had left severe imprints on his face his figure was growing heavy his prominent lips unadorned by a mustache had an unpleasant downward group and lately he had even noticed that the hair on the top of his head was not so thick as of your the situation was indeed getting desperate since Lady Sue would be of age in three months when all revenues for her maintenance would cease me thinks her million will go to one of those young jacken apes who hang about her with almost as much bitterness as Sir Marmaduke had shown her fortunes were in a sense bound up with those of her brother-in-law he had been most unaccountably kind to her of late a kindness which his many detractors attributed either to an infatuation for his brother's widow or to a desire to further irritate his uncle of Northullerton who a rigid Puritan himself hated the play actress and her connection with his own family cannot be done Marmaduke she asked after a slight pause during which she had watched anxiously the restless figure of her brother-in-law as he paced up and down the narrow hall can you suggest anything my dear Aditha briefly Shah she ejaculated with some impatience you are not so old but you could have made yourself agreeable to the wench you think that she would have fallen in love with her middle-aged guardian he exclaimed with a harsh sarcastic laugh that girl with her head full of romantic nonsense and I in ragged doublet and an evil temper but he added with an unpleasant sneer tis unselfish and disinterested on your part my dear Aditha even to suggest it so does not like you her being mistress here would not be conducive to your comfort nay tis no use going on in this manner any longer Marmaduke she said dejectedly times will not come my way so long as you have not a shilling to give me for a new gown and cannot afford to keep up my house in London she fully expected another retort from him brutal and unbridled as was his want when his money affairs were being discussed he was not accustomed to curb his violence in her presence in his help meet in many unavowable extravagances in the days when he was still striving after a brilliant position in town there had been certain rumors and then a gambling den where at mistress de chivas had been the presiding spirit and which had come under the watchful eye of my lord protectors spies now she had perforce to share the mother-in-law's poverty at any rate he provided a roof over her head on the advent of Lady Sue Aldmarsh into his bachelor establishment he called on his sister-in-law for the part of Dwenna at one time the fair Aditha had exercised her undoubted charms over Marmaduke's violent nature but laterally she had become a mere but for his outburst rage but now to her astonishment and in response to her petulant reproach his fury seemed to fall away from him he threw his head back and broke out into uncontrolled half sarcastic almost defiant laughter how blind you are my dear Aditha he said with a shrug of his broad shoulders nay and I mistake not in that case there will be some strange surprises for you within the next three months I pray you try and curb your impatience until then and to bear with the insolence of a serving wench twill serve you well mine oath on that he added significantly then without vouchsafing further explanations of his enigmatic utterances on his heel still laughing apparently at some pleasing thought and walked upstairs leaving her to meditate end of chapter 4 chapter 5 of the nest of the sparrowhawk by Emma Orksey this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Dion Giants Salt Lake City, Utah the legal aspect a chavass sat musing in that high backed chair for some considerable time a non-syrmar medouk once more traversed the hull taking no heed of her as he went out into the garden she watched his broad figure moving along the path and then crossing the rustic bridge until it disappeared among the trees of the park there was something about his attitude There was something about his attitude of a while ago which puzzled her, and with puzzlement came an inexplicable fear. She had known Marmaduke in all his moods, but never in such an one as he had displayed before her just now. There had been a note almost of triumph in the laughter with which he had greeted her last reproach. The cry of the sparrowhawk, when it seizes its prey. Triumph in Sir Marmaduke filled her with dread. No one knew better than she did the hopeless condition of his financial status. Debt, prison perhaps, was waiting for him at every turn. Yet he seemed triumphant. She knew him to have reached those confines of irritability and rebellion against poverty, which would cause him to shrink from nothing for the sake of gaining money. Yet he seemed triumphant. Instinctively she shuddered as she thought of Sue. She had no cause to like the girl, yet would she not wish to see her come to harm. She did not dare avow even to herself the conviction which she had that if Sir Marmaduke could gain anything by the young girl's death, he would not hesitate to nay. She would not even frame that thought. Marmaduke had been kind to her. She could but hope that temptations such as that would never come his way. Some of Prey's busy broke in on her meditations. His nasal tones, which had a singular knack of irritating her as a rule, struck quite pleasingly on her ear as a welcome interruption to the conflict of her thoughts. Master Skiffington, ma'am, he said in his usual, drawly voice, he is on his way to Dover and desired his respects, and you wish to see him? Yes, yes, I'll see Master Skiffington, she said with alacrity, rising from her chair. Go apprise Sir Marmaduke and ask Master Skiffington to come within. She was all agitation, now eager, excited, and herself went forward to meet the quaint little wizened figure which appeared in the doorway. Master Skiffington, attorney at law, was small and thin, looked doubly so, in fact, in the black clothes which he wore. His eyes were blue and watery, his manner peculiarly diffident. He seemed to present a perpetual apology to the world for his own existence therein. Even now, as Mr. Estechevas seemed really overjoyed to see him, he backed his meager person out of the doorway as she approached, whereupon she, impatiently, clutched his arm and dragged him forward into the hall.  Sir Marmaduke will see you anon, but was a kind thought to come and bring me news. Hem, hem, stammered Master Skiffington, I, that is, hem, I left Canterbury this morning and was on my way to Dover. Hem, this lies on my way, ma'am, and yes, yes, she said, impatiently, but you have some news, of course. News, news, he muttered apologetically, and clutching at his collar, which seemed to be choking him. What news, or I pray you, ma'am? What clue, she insisted. It was very slight, he stammered, and it led to not. Alas, her eagerness vanished, she sank back into her chair and moaned. My last hope, she said dully, nay, nay, rejoined Master Skiffington quite cheerfully, his courage seemingly having risen with her despair, we must not be despondent, the noble Earl of Northullerton hath interested himself of late in the surge, and but she shrugged her shoulders whilst a short, bitter laugh escaped her lips. At last she said with biting sarcasm after twelve years, nay, but remember, ma'am, that his lordship now is very ill and nigh on seventy years old, failing your late husband, Master Rowland, whom the Lord hath in his keeping. Your eldest son is him, that is, by law, ma'am, and with all respect due to Sir Marmaduke, your eldest son is heir to the earldom. And though his lordship hates me, he still prefers that my son should succeed to his title rather than Sir Marmaduke, whom he abhors.  That is, er, he muttered in supreme discomfort, swallowing great gulps which rose to his throat at this rash and disrespectful speech, from the ex-actress, family feuds, ham er very distressing of a truth, and that is, I fear me his lordship will be disappointed. She rejoined, quite heedless, of the little attorney's perturbation, and that under these circumstances Sir Marmaduke will surely succeed. I was about to remark, he rejoined, that now, with my lord's help, his wealth and influence, now that is, that he has interested himself in the matter. We might make fresh inquiries, that is, er, it will be useless, Master. I have done all that is humanly possible. I loved my boys dearly, and it was because of my love for them that I placed them under my mother's care. I loved them, you understand, but I was living in a gay world in London. My husband was dead. I could do not for their comfort. I thought it would be best for them. It was her turn now to speak humbly, almost apologetically, whilst her eyes sought those of the simple little attorney, trying to read approval in his glance, or at any rate an absence of reproof. He was shaking his head, sighing with visible embarrassment the while. In his innermost soul he could find no excuse for the frivolous mother, anxious to avoid the responsibilities which the Lord himself had put upon her, anxious to be rid of her children in order that she might pursue with greater freedom and ease that life of enjoyment and thoughtlessness which she craved. My mother was a strange woman, continued Mistress de Chevasse earnestly, and placing her small white hand on the black sleeve of the attorney. She cared little enough for me and not at all for London and for society. She did not understand the many duties that devolve on a woman of fashion, and I was that in those days twenty years ago. Ah, truly, truly, Sidemasters Giffington, may have she acted according to her own lights, after some years she became a convert to that strange new faith of the people who call themselves friends, who salute no one with the hat, and who talk so strangely, saying thee and thou, even when addressing their betters. One George Fox had a great hold on her.  She gave a little shudder of superstition, perhaps the maternal curse she felt was may have bearing fruit after all. Mistress Giffington's watery eyes expressed gentle sympathy. His calling had taught him many of the hidden secrets of human nature and of life. He guessed that the time, if not already here, was nigh at hand when this unfortunate woman would realize the emptiness of her life and would begin to reap the bitter harvest of the barren seeds which she had sown. I lay it all at the door of these friends, who turned a mother's heart against her own daughter, continued Mistress de Chevasse vehemently. She never told me that she was sick, sent me neither letter nor message. Only after her death a curt note came to me, writ in her hand, entrusted to one of her own co-worshipers, a canting, mouthing creature who grinned whilst I read the heartless message. My mother had sent her grandchildren away, so she told me in the letter when she felt that the Lord was calling her to him. She had placed my boys, my boys, master, in the care of a trusted friend who would bring them up in the fear of God, away from the influence of their mother. My boys, master, remember, they were to be brought up in ignorance of their name, of the very existence of their mother. The friend, doubtless of fellow Quaker, had agreed to this on my mother's deathbed. Hum, to his passing strange, and passing sad, said the attorney, with real sympathy now, for there was a pathetic note of acute sorrow in Mistress de Chevasse's voice. But at the time, hum, and with money and influence, hum, much might have been done. Ah, believe me, master, I did what I could. I was in London then. I flew to Canterbury, where my mother lived.  None of the neighbors could tell me whether. All they knew was that a woman had been living with my mother of late and had gone away, taking the boys with her. My boys, master, and no one could tell me whether they had gone. I spent what money I had, and Sir Marmaduke nobly bore his share in the cost of a ceaseless search as the Earl of North Allerton would do nothing then to help me. Passing strange, passing sad, murmured Master Skiffington, shaking his head. But me thinks I recollect, hum, some six years ago, a quest which led to a clue, or that is, two young gentlemen. Impostors, master, she rejoined. I have heard of many such since then. At first I used to believe their stories. At first he ejaculated in amazement. But surely, hum, the faces your own sons, ma'am. Ah, the faces, she said, whilst a blush of embarrassment, even of shame, now suffused her pale cheeks.  They were 10 years old when they were taken away. But it is nigh on 22 years since I have set eyes on their faces. I would not know them if they passed me by. Tears choked her voice. Shame had added its bitter sting to the agony of her sorrow.  Desirous at all costs of retaining her freedom, she had parted from her children with a light heart, glad enough that their grandmother was willing to relieve her of all responsibility. Time slipped by whilst she enjoyed herself, danced and flirted, gambled, and played her part in that world of sport and fashion, wherein a mother's heart was an unnecessary commodity. Ten years are a long while in the life of an old woman who lives in a remote country town and sees death approaching with slow yet certain stride. But that same decade is but as a fleeting hour to the woman who is young and who lives for the moment. The boys had been forgotten long, ere they disappeared forgotten, perhaps not, but their memory put away in a hidden cell of the mind where other inconvenient thoughts were stored, only to be released and gazed upon when other more agreeable ones had ceased to fill the brain. She felt humbled before this simple-minded man whom she knew she had shocked by the recital of her callousness with innate gentleness of disposition. He tried to hide his feelings and to set aside this subject for the moment. Sir Marmaduke was very disinterested when he aided you in the quest, he said meekly, glad to be able to praise one whom he felt it was his duty to respect. For under present circumstances, hem, I will raise no difficulties in Sir Marmaduke's way.  He looked at her keenly, as keenly as he dared with his mild blue eyes. It was hard to keep in sympathy with her. Her moods seemed to change as she spoke of her boys and then of Sir Marmaduke. Her last remark seemed to argue that her callousness with regard to her sons had not entirely yielded to softer emotions yet. In case of my Lord North Allerton's death, she continued lightly, I shall not put in a claim on behalf of any son of mine, whereupon hem, Sir Marmaduke, as next of kin, would have the enjoyment of the revenues and may have would have influence enough then to make good his claim to the title before the House of Lords. He checked himself, looked furtively round and added, provided it please God and my Lord Protector that the House of Lords come back to Westminster by that time. I thank you, Master, said Mistress de Chavasse, rising from her chair, intimating that this interview was now over. You have told me all that I wish to know. Let me assure you that I will not prove ungrateful. Your services will be amply repaid by whomever succeeds to the title and revenues of North Allerton. Did you wish to see Sir Marmaduke? I thank you, Mistress, not today, replied Master Skiffington, somewhat dryly. The lady's promises had not roused his enthusiasm. He would have preferred to see more definite reward for his labors, for he had worked faithfully and was substantially out of pocket in this quest after the two missing young men. But he was imbued with that deep respect for the family he had served all his life, which no conflict between privilege and people would ever eradicate. And though Mistress de Chavasse's origin was of the humblest, she was nevertheless herself now within the magic circle, into which Master Skiffington never gazed, except with the deepest reverence, he thought it quite natural that she should dismiss him with a curt and condescending nod, and when she had swept majestically out of the room, he made his way humbly across the hall, then by the garden door out towards the tumble-down barn where he had tethered his old mayor. Master Courage helped him to mount, and he rode away in the direction of the Dover Road, his head bent, his thoughts dwelling in puzzlement and wonder on the strange doings of those whom he still reverently called his betters. End of chapter five.


Somehow, I really think I'm a more positive person now than I've, or that I have been in like a really long time. And I don't know if that's the lack of positivity and just feeling like I need to somehow create more of it.


When we talk about monogamy, for many people it comes in different contexts. I would say if you looked at the numbers of people that seem to practice some form of monogamy versus polygamy, polygamy is quite rare. In fact, it's outlawed in Utah. There were times when the Mormon religion was quite common and it just didn't fit and sync with the culture at large and so forth. But I think if you even pulled it back a little further, you would see that many people, if not most people, go through what we would call serial monogamy. They go through monogamous assignments. The best 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years, 60 years, that was a witness on my biological father's side. Harry, we called him in Lillian, were married for 57 years. So there was that witness of hanging in there through all of it, for better or for worse than really hanging in there and working it. That's the aspect of what seems to be, we'll call them assignments, like guided assignments from the Holy Spirit. The ultimate assignment is to let go of the ego and to see an experience of unified perception that is really the glory of the happy dream or the real world. That's where it's all headed. But in terms of assignments, the temptation is to change something in the world to find happiness. And you could apply that to changing partners to find happiness. Where the ego is basically, one of its things that it's striving for is maximizing pleasure. And so that's where it comes into what I would call more like Dixie Cup relationships. So just take a little sip and paper, throw it away and get the next one and throw it away. And I've used that example over the years, whereas assignments are more guided commitments and they're guided by the Spirit because the Spirit knows what would help maximize healing, maximize time. When you go higher up in consciousness, you start to reach these states where you start to realize that all relationships are maximal. Whether it's a casual encounter in the elevator that Jesus talks about or seemingly a fairly intense teaching mind situation in which they appear to separate or a lifelong partnership, that you reach a state of consciousness. But as you're going through the process, that idea of committing to work it out and to use the mirroring and the reflecting that's going on in a very helpful way to undo as many previous mistakes and undo false beliefs, you do see that there's a value to that. And that's where the assignments come in. I have worked with a lot of people around the world where it seems like they tried other things and there was just a lot of intensity and complexities that came in. And ultimately it came down to basically to the root, which is linear time. I did work with a man who was wanting to have two partners and have a threesome and he explored that and experimented with that and there was enormous, as you might imagine, jealousies and intensities. It was like a cooker on the skillet all the time. It was just extreme and intense. And ultimately it went beyond the sexuality. It went down to quality time. I want quality time here, time to talk things through and work things out and a feeling like it was being somehow splittered out and so forth. So ultimately you come deeper and deeper into that state of high mind training and non-judgment, but that has just been something that's been given to me from the spirit over the years of the helpfulness of those assignments. And everything in time and space is temporary, so there's no attempt to say that these have to be huge, long, long-term assignments that they may play out that way, but there is a sense that each one is undoing as much egoic filters and interferences as possible during those assignments. And in some sense it's kind of like even coming to like a seeming community like this and hanging in there, there's probably times where you felt, I am out of here. Four times. I'm out of there at times. It came up. When it gets to feel like a real cooker, like an emotional intensity, like I think maybe it would be easier for me to leave than to stay. And those are the same kind of things that of course come up in relationships as well. This is just like relationships are almost like a microcosm of that broader experience. And maybe even in a broader context when people have suicide thoughts, they're thinking I'm out of here not in a time or space way, but I'm out of this dimension. I want out of this dimension and it's got to be better when people feel like they just want to exit and go off into another experience. But still the spirit calls us to look within and face what's unconscious and let it up and let it out and heal.


Hi everyone, Joe for Jaspy's CaseBrace.com coming at you with 2016-17 Panini Selectal Football. Not American football, which is happening in the background here, but the footy, the soccer. One box, Random Country number seven. We go by that groupbreakchecklist.com checklist right there, and there are all the teams in right here.  Oh yeah, some of you may have to hit the pause button for just a little bit if you can time up the audio, because I know my audio might be a little bit ahead of your stream, so apologies in advance for that. Alright, so let's got everybody doubled up, let's roll it, let's randomize it, two and a six, eight times for each list, one, two, three. And eighth and final time, we've got Martin down to Caleb. I haven't even finished the title here, 2016-17 Panini Select Soccer. Alright, two and a six, eight times for the countries, one, two. And eighth and final time, after eight we've got Chile down to Colombia. Alright, so Martin you have Chile, Derek with Argentina, Robert with the Ukraine, Chris with Bosnia-Herzegovina, Caleb with Montenegro, Robert with the Forza Azuri, Italy, Josh with Uruguay, Rob with Iceland, Martin with Hungary and Cote Voie, Josh with Germany, Caleb with Romania, Martin with England and Wales, Caleb with Portugal, Rob with Belgium, Martin with Russia, Robert with Spain, Rob with Austria, Caleb you've got the United States, Robert with Croatia, Moody, you've got Poland and Ireland, Caleb with Mexico and Northern Ireland, Robert Runkle with Netherlands and Brazil, Chris with Anna Touchdown, Chris with Turkey, Caleb with Slovenia, Derek with France, Rob, W with Sweden and Caleb with Colombia. There you go. Alright, so let's sort this by team right here. Any trades? This chief seems to look sharp. I don't know if he held on, I'm not sure if he held on. How are the Lakers doing? Lakers, oh, kind of getting into the second half looks like 57-41. Alright, let's close the trade window. Let's roll. TWC trade window closed. Good luck. Did I not print this out? Come on, Joe. No. You really want to have any? No. They can maybe do more commercials. That's his lonely dog doing out here. This stray dog does nowhere to get food. Well, he's not a stray dog, he's got, he's got a collar. No, he's just getting food from everybody.  That dog's a scammer. I thought he was an old stray dog who got handouts from all the small businesses, but no. He's got a dog tag. Alright. Here you go, there's Wesley Schneider and we got a silver Oscar. Whatever happened to him? I think he went to, goes to Brazil by the way, that's for Robert Runkle. He went to China, I think. I thought he was going to stick around. Yeah, he plays in China now, right? I thought he was supposed to be like the next, like, Brazilian phenom. There's Jordan Shakiri, Cristiano Ronaldo for Portugal. That's going to be for Caleb. Oh, no touchdown. Call reverse. We've got Leonardo Benucci to 249, die cut. Forza Zuri, that goes to Robert. Robert W. And we've got Gareth Bale for Wales. And his Real Madrid shirt, but, and Martin with that one mixed up. Um, who's Gareth Bale going to go? I wouldn't be surprised, TJ, if that one Ronaldo card goes for close to $100. It's Kevin Strutman. Yarmolenko. Gareth Bale again for Wales. And we've got Giuseppe Rossi. Nice, that's a great patch. It's a good looking card for Italy. Rob W with that one. Yeah, 16-17, 16-17. Correct. Printer works. Let's print it out. There it is. Hot off the presses. Oh, fourth and 18. And that's 9 out of 10. They're doing it live. Joe's the card bar, they're liquor free. Yeah, no booze at the card bar, unfortunately. We do not have a liquor life. And it's Robert Lewandowski to $2.99. I guess if we had a private event, maybe afterwards, after hours. Yeah, BYOB. Get a liquor license. It's expensive in LA. Very expensive in Los Angeles. $32 out of $1.99. There's a Gonzalo Jada for Chile. That goes to Martin. Yeah, liquor licenses. I guess I think beer and wine licenses are much cheaper. $32 out of $1.99. So I guess we can do that. Ooh, and look at this. Cristiano Ronaldo. That pulsar design. The red, white, and yellow. The green, white, and yellow. I don't know my colors. It's another one for Portugal. That's great. That's for Caleb. Look at that. That's really nice. So you've got the base card version and a parallel, which is strong. It's behind here. Arturo Vidal, Harry Kane, John O'Shea. Carvalho. It's also for Portugal.  Eden Hazard, Patricio, Michael Bradley. And we got Emanuel Giaccherini. 10 out of 10.  Rob W. Paul Pogba. Lionel Messi in this box, too. That's pretty nice. That's for Derrick in Argentina. Is it weird that nearly every sport's going on right now? Let's ask her. No. It's not weird. Because of the pandemic, obviously. Carlos Baca, Colombia. We knew this was going to happen at some point. 53 out of 2, 9 in. But I guess now that it is happening, it's kind of weird, huh? We knew it was coming, but now that it's here, it does feel wild. Sergio Romero. Sky's the limit. Now, that I don't know. I don't know what month it is. Is this June? Because the NBA playoffs are happening? Or is it September? Because football is happening. Argentina, Derrick Malanson. And that's that, folks. That was 16, 17, Panini Select Soccer. Excellent value in this stuff. That was one box, random country, number 7. I'm Joe for jazzyuscasebrakes.com. I'll see you next time for that Premier League starting soon, too. All right, yeah, no polls to get either. So maybe next box. I'll see you next time for the next one, jazzyuscasebrakes.com.


Next we're going to be hearing from Carrie Wilson. She's a child neurology resident who's been rotating on the neurophemology service here And she's going to be talking about a case presentation. So let's hear it. Hi, nice to meet you So Thank you. Yeah, my name is Carrie Wilson. I'm a third-year resident, but a first-year pediatric neurology fellow at the U and I'm going to be presenting a pediatric neuroophthalmology case that I encountered Unfortunately, not on the neuroophthalmology month, but apparently they're everywhere So my case is a 17 year old male who does have a history of the Shets disease And he was coming in saying that he cannot see from the bottom part of his left eye he two years prior to this incident had completely lost vision in his right eye over time and he's now presenting with two weeks of Decreased vision in the inferior visual field of his left eye The pain the vision loss was initially initially blurry, but he's had no pain or other symptoms and The only other proceeding event was that he was hit by a car while on his bicycle one week prior to the vision loss He had no loss of consciousness but he developed a headache after that time which has been persisting and actually worsened on The day that he started developing vision loss in his left eye So this is just a quick review of the retinal photos of his right eye You can see the sense of damage there and that was actually Thought to be due to a central retinal artery occlusion so in terms of his past medical history he was Extensively worked up at the time of his right eye right vision loss and at that time almost all of the testing was negative except for HLA B 51 positive which Some of you may remember is associated with Bichette's disease as well as some oral at this ulcers Which is why he was diagnosed with Bichette's two years ago He had a lumbar puncture performed with mildly elevated CSF protein, but no other symptoms or medical history There's no family history in this patient No one else with autoimmune disease. He's been managed on Plaquenil since the vision loss two years ago Which has been managing his at this ulcer is quite well So prior to the university hospital admission. He was admitted to St. Mark's in Idaho Where they started IV high-dose IV steroids to try to decrease some of the inflammation They thought was causing his vision loss in the left eye Unfortunately, he was not responding and therefore start on aspirin Aspirin Trentile and Bramona Dean Unfortunately, they thought that his vision loss was worsening and he was transferred to University Hospital When we met him we almost immediately sent him to the Moran Eye Center for evaluation by one of our neuro ophthalmologists Who had been in contact with one of his ophthalmologists and rheumatologists in Idaho so? consistent with prior exams his right eye showed visual acuity just to hand motion and On the left is 2015 He did have a right afferent pupillary defect color vision in his left eye was normal Slit lamp exam was unremarkable and MRI brain and optic nerves were surprisingly normal on The Humphrey visual field test you can see that he has in fear of visual or In fear visual field defect argue it defect And then if you see it, so this is the retinal photos of his right eye from September This is different from the one that I showed you earlier from two years ago And this one of course is just showing severe optic nerve Pallar and some arteriolar attenuation throughout the posterior pole And we think that the most likely etiology although we didn't see the patient at that time was due to a central retinal artery occlusion So then you look at his left eye and you can see in the superior portion Of his optic disc some pallor as well as mild optic disc edema some scattered hemorrhages Superiorly and otherwise normal arterioles On floracy and angiography. This is 12 seconds in and you can start to see some Well, there's the optic You can see the optic nerve here. This is his left eye only the inferior portion is starting to enhance Early after the dye is injected which is abnormal and even as the chloride continues to brighten The inferior portion of the optic nerve is the only part that's enhancing the superior portion remains dark and as we move through This is a little bit further in again The central retina artery appears to be okay because there's continued enhancement of the vasculature But not the superior portion of the optic disc and it's not till three minutes and finally at seven minutes into this that the optic This really starts to brighten So after discussion With a few different subspecialists It was identified that this appears to be an atypical presentation of neurobashets disease He has a vaso-occlusive pattern in the posterior ciliary artery causing that Decreased perfusion to the superior left optic nerve and then of course his continued optic nerve atrophy on the right so I think why To understand why this is atypical we have to understand what a more typical course of the shet's disease would be and And This is just a review of the diagnostic criteria So usually you'll have recurrent oral ulcers plus two of genital ulcers eye involvement usually anterior posterior uveitis Skin lesions and a positive pathology test about 10 to 20 percent of these bachettes disease cases Will be classified as neurobashets although that number might be higher in the pediatric population So neurobashets is sort of I separated into three different areas You have either central nervous system or peripheral nervous system involvement and within the central nervous system You can either have parankamal involvement, which is typically of the brainstem, but can include hemispheres spinal cord or Meninjo encephalitis One of the typical symptoms of that would be headaches, which this patient did have Unfortunately, well fortunately for him, but unfortunately for understanding his pathophysiology He had a negative MRI, but we did have this history of elevated CSF protein And then there's also a Separate entity within CNS disease, which is the neurovascular bachettes disease and there's some debate as to whether or not this is just Symptom of the vasculitis that we know is involved in bachettes Versus is this actual central nervous system involvement, but at this point It's still considered neurobashets if you have a form of arterial occlusion like our patient did and you can get stroke like symptoms from that or optic nerve Decrease perfusion of the optic nerve like in our patients and Then to remind us of the typical ocular manifestations of bachettes disease since the eye is one is the number one organ involved that Typically, you'll see uveitis that can be anterior or posterior And posterior uveitis is actually seen in 75 percent of pediatric cases Vasculitis or a periflebitis is seen in approximately 80 percent of bachettes patients And you can see edema especially for example on fluorescein and geography You can see edema vascular leakage vascular wall staining with forms of obliterative vasculitis macular edema is a common complication and Neovascularization is often seen with episodic vaso occlusion So none of these eye findings were actually seen in our patient, which is part of what makes him a more atypical presentation so understanding why he had this arterial occlusion if it's not a form of vaso occlusion or spads or a Vasculitis or spasm There are theories in looking at the pathophysiology of the shet's disease That's still under review that it could be an immuno-goblin and complement deposition within the vasculature It could of course be a clot secondary to endothelial damage and inflammation with his autoimmune disease and as we know he had this head injury and How that exacerbated his symptoms it certainly correlates in time and his symptoms, but it's unclear if this was How much of a problem you know how much of a cause this played for this patient's symptoms So moving forward with our management of him the general goals of treatment of the shet's disease is during an attack of course you want to decrease the acute inflammation if it's present and Moving looking forward you want to decrease severity and frequency of attacks as well as decreased complications related to them Some patients for example if there's anterior uveitis you might be able to start with topical steroids if there's more significant symptoms or posterior uveitis or Symptoms like our patient presented with you'll start with systemic steroids with a very slow taper Unfortunately, our patient did not respond to IV steroids and therefore the next step would be moving towards immunosuppressive or immunomodulating therapy So for our patient MB We started in flip semab after consulting with our rheumatologists as well as neuro ophthalmologists This is a TNF alpha inhibitor and it's been shown that in some case in many cases of the shet's patients Do have elevated serum in aqueous levels of TNF alpha, which is why they think this might be a new or more effective therapy for many of these patients with severe symptoms and The goal is to decrease frequency of attacks Which this has been shown to do in many of the patients, but of course it's best in combination therapy and This poor patient is going back to Idaho on in fliximab Methotrexate aspirin a steroid taper plaque when they'll promote edema and Trento He of course has close follow-up with his rheumatologists and a neuro ophthalmologist So overall just reminding us to think about the shet's disease especially Since the eye is the most commonly involved organ typical symptoms are oral ulcers genital ulcers vasculitis in any part of the body and typically uveitis Steroids are a first-line treatment, but often in severe cases you have to move to him, you know modulation and Especially in the pediatric population Well, you don't want to go testing everyone for HLA B 51 for every headache often in the pediatric realm Neurologic symptoms could be the first presenting symptom of one of these autoimmune diseases or bachette's disease And so thinking about neuro bachettes in any patient with headaches Yeah, you know stroke at a young age Intercranial hypertension sinus venous thrombosis or under other unusual neurologic symptoms so and working with colleagues in rheumatology and neurology and ophthalmology you to Utilize the multidisciplinary team approach is best for the patient So these are some of my resources and that's it it is Right Not much of it. He was on as a therapy before I came in. That's right. We switched it to methotrexate 17 Do you want this? Yeah, sorry, I can't point. Oh Hopefully oh, I didn't he's white English Scottish background not typical Yeah, what you'd think kind of that silk row of the Shets disease Which is also interesting looking trying to look up information because the majority of the research is not necessarily being done here Where we don't see it as commonly? Japan Turkey In the middle of Idaho Yeah, it's a tricky diagnosis to make And I think just to go back to your initial question about the prognosis for this patient and it certainly because this is such an unusual Presentation of bishats. It's hard to know, you know, just what else sort of he could have a schemia to and why of both of his eyes been involved, but Once you start having eye disease and if you're a young age and if you're male, these are all poor prognostic Factors and it's unfortunate for him, but it's I Mean, that's why I think we're doing such aggressive treatment at this point is to try to save what? You know the quarter of his vision that he has left and the visual acuity is still good thankfully on the left eye, but I think 75% of bishats patients once they start having eye symptoms are blind within three to four years And it's usually bilateral Thank you


And when you think about kind of the supreme remedy for loneliness, it is to recognize that God is with us. As Dr. Rani beautifully mentioned the story of the cave and the Prophet, alaihi sallam, and Sayyidina Abu Bakr. But Allah says in the Quran, وَهُوَا مَعَكُمْ أَيْنَ مَا كُنْتُمْ That God is with you wherever you are. This does not obviate our need for good company. But this is a reminder that the supreme companionship, the supreme ma'iyah that the Muslim is trying to deepen and to accentuate and to enhance is that, that witness with God. And that's why I was thinking in preparation for today that it is ironic or perhaps poetic. You know, shout out to the poet that we're talking about loneliness at a time when some Muslims are engaging in self-imposed, not loneliness, but they're deepening that witness or that companionship or that connection with God, which we're always enjoying that. We're always experiencing that. So that's the first thing. And it's cleaning up those receptors so that we feel that witness, that ma'iyah. The second thing is recognizing that in other than a few very specific instances, the prophet Muhammad ﷺ, who is our exemplar, is our role model, is our lived example of what it means to be a centered, balanced whole human being, he always preferred good company to loneliness or he always chose good company over solitude. Even if, you know, he was given to tahannoth or he was given to solitude, God made him choose good company, that the prophet peace be upon him said famously, that this Islamic religion, this faith of ours is not a religion of monasticism, it is not a religion of self-imposed loneliness or a complete separation or divorce with the world, rather it is a relationship of deep affection. There are bonds of deep community. The prophet peace be upon him with somebody deeply ensconced in the world around him. He was a neighbor. He was a relative. He was a husband. He was a parent. He was a leader. He was a confidant. He was a friend. So I think, you know, the first thing we look at is that there's no God but Allah and Allah is always with us. The second thing is that if we are following the example of the prophet peace be upon him, we should know that his lived example is one of excelling in your relationships with other people. It is not a spiritual cultivation that takes place outside of the context of relationships. And the third thing is that we need each other. There's a verse in the Quran where God speaks to the prophet peace be upon him and he says that it is God that helped you with his aid. It is God who granted you his support and the support of the believers. Don't forget the role that people play in your life. I don't care how singularly spiritual you regard yourself as or how, you know, apart from people and maybe some of us sacred eyes, inappropriate might I add, this ideal of being singular and you know, we've seen all of these biopics about the hero's journey and it's always a lonely journey. The prophet peace be upon him had us had. He had companions and they were together for life's highs, for life's lows, for life's travails, for life's triumphs. They cultivated a deep bond of togetherness and it was that that they relied on in addition to relying on God. So that verse very significant because from a theological perspective, one could say if God helped the prophet with his help, why does God need to mention the believers? In fact, the believers, they are, you know, essentially a means of God helping the prophet, but it is to remind us of the significant role that we play in each other's lives. So those three things I think are sufficient in the small amount of time I've been allotted that we remember that God is always with us. And that even now, as people are doing it, it is not a self-imposed loneliness. It is deepening. It is paying attention to that relationship with God so that we strengthen it. And it is what boils us. It is what carries us, even when perhaps there is, you know, separation from people that we also love. The second thing that I mentioned is the lived example of the prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, that, you know, his is a very public spirituality. It is a very public religiosity. It is a really it is a religiosity that excels in human connection, human relationship. And then thirdly, that we need each other. Don't allow ourselves to be deceived into what I think is a very toxic culture of self-reliance and we need each other. We need each other for support. We need each other for love. We need each other for validation. We need each other for comfort. We need each other for even just mutual enjoyment. Enjoyment is not full when it's solitary. So those are a few of the Islamic protections that come to mind when I think about loneliness.