The Conqueror and Hero of the Humboldts by Robert Howard I was in Sundance and joined myself a little after a long trail-drive up from the Semeron, when I got a letter from a bed-n-go rachston, which said as follows, Dear Breckenridge, that time I paid your fine down in Tucson for breaking the county clerk's leg, you said you'd give me a hand any time I ever needed help. Well, Breckenridge, I need your assistance right now. The rustlers is stealing me ragged. It has got so I nail my bed-kivers to the bunk every night, or they'd steal the blankets right off of me, Breckenridge. Moreover, a stumbling block on the path of progress by the name of Ted Bissett is running sheep on the range next to me. This is more than a man can endure, Breckenridge. So I want you to come up here right away and help me find out who is stealing my stock, and bust Ted Bissett's head for him, the low-minded skunk. Hoping you are the same, I begs to remain as usual. Your abused friend. Rachston Esquire. P.S. That sap-headed misfit Johnny Willoughby, which used to work for me down on Green River, is sheriff here, and he couldn't catch flies if they was bogged down in burlases. Well, I didn't feel it was none of my business to mix into any row a bed-negow might be having with a sheepman, so long as both sides fit fair. But rustlers was a different matter. Elkins detests a thief. So I mounted Captain Kidd, after the usual battle, and headed for a lonesome lizard, which was the nicest town to his ranch. I found myself approaching this town a while before noon, one blazing hot day, and as I crossed a right-thick timbered creek, shrieks for aid and assistance suddenly bust the stillness. A hawse also knade wildly, and Captain Kidd began to snort and champ like he always does when they is a bar or a cougar in the vicinity. I got off and tied him, because if I was going to have to fight some critter like that, I didn't want him mixing into the scrap. He was just as likely to kick me as the varmint. I then went on foot in the direction of the screams, which was growing more desperate every minute, and I presently come to a thicket with a big tree in the middle of it, and there they was. One of the prettiest gals I ever seen was roosting in the tree and screeching blue murder, and they was a cougar climbing up after her. Help! says she wildly. Shoot him! I just wish some of them tender foots which calls their selves naturalists could see this, I says, taking off my stetson. Elkins never forgets his manners. Some of them has tried to tell me cougars never attacks human beings, nor climbs trees, nor prowls in the daytime. I betcha this would make them realize they don't know it all, just like I said to that in which I seen in war paint Nevada last summer. Will you stop talking and do something? she says fiercely. Ow! Because he had wretched up and made a pass at her foot with his left paw. I seen this had went far enough, so I told him sternly to come down. But all he done was looked down at me and spit in a very insulting manner. So I wretched up and got him by the tail and yanked him down and whapped him again the ground three or four times.  Then he shaken his head like he couldn't believe it himself and let his shuck as hard as he could feel it in the general direction of the North Pole. Why didn't you shoot him? demanded the gal, leaning as far out as she could to watch him. Aw, he won't come back, I assured her. Hey, look out! That limb's gonna break! Which it did, just as I spoke, and she come tumbling down with a shriek of despair. She still held on to the limb with a desperate grip, however, which is why it wrapped me so severe on the head when I catched her. Oh, says she, letting go of the limb and grabbing me. Am I hurt? I don't know, I says. You better let me carry you to wherever you want to go. No, says she, getting her breath back. I'm all right. Well, let me down. So I done so, and she says. I got a hostile over there behind that fir. I was riding home from Lonesome Lizard, and stopped to poke a squirrel out of a holler-tree. It weren't a squirrel, though. It was that dang lion. If you'll get my husk for me, I'll be riding home. Perhaps ranch is just over that ridge to the west. I'm Margaret Brewster. I'm Breckenridge Elkins of Bear Creek, Nevada. I says. I'm heading for Lonesome Lizard, but I'll be riding back this way before long. Can I call on you? Well, she says. I'm engaged to marry a feller, but it's conditional. I got a suspicion he's a spineless failure, and I told him flat if he didn't succeed at the job he's working on now, not to come back. I detests a failure. That's why I like your looks, says she, giving me an admiring glance. A man which can wrestle a mountain line with his bar hands is worth any gal's time. I'll send you word at Lonesome Lizard. If my fiance flops like it looks he's going to do, I'd admire to have you call. I'll be awaiting your message with eager heart and honest devotion, I says. And she blushed dantily and clumped on her husk and pulled her freight. I watched her till she was clean out of sight, then hold a sigh that shook the acorns out of the surrounding oaks and winded my way back to Captain Kidd in a sort of rose-colored haze. I was so entranced I started to get on to Captain Kidd on the wrong end and never noticed till he kicked me violently in the belly. Love, Captain Kidd, I says to him dreamily, battening between the eyes with my pistol-butt, is youth's sweet dream. But he made no response outside a stompin' on my corns. Captain Kidd has got very little sentiment. So I mounted and pulled for Lonesome Lizard, which I o' rive at maybe an hour later. I put Captain Kidd in the strongest livery stable I could find, and seen he was fed and watered, then worn the stable hands not to antagonize him. Then I headed for the Red Warrior Saloon. I needed a little refreshments before I started for a bed-and-goze ranch. I'd taken me a few drams and talked to the men which was foregathered there, being mainly cowmen. The sheep men patronized the buck and ram across the street. That was the first time I'd ever been in Montana, and them fellers weren't familiar with my reputation, as was showed by their manner. How the some ever they was perlite enough, and after we'd down the few fingers of corn scrapens, one of them asked me where I was from, proven they considered me an honest man with nothing to conceal. When I told them, one of them said, by golly they must grow big men in Nevada if you're a sample. You're the biggest critter I ever seen in the shape of a human. I bet he's as stout as Big John, says one, at another, and says, that can't be. This gent is human after all. Big John ain't. I was just fixing to ask them who this John varmint was, when one of them cranes his neck toward the winder, and says, Speak of the devil, and ye gets a whiff of brimstone. Here comes John across the street now. He must have seen this gent coming in, and is on his way to make his usual challenge. The sight of a man as big as him is like waving a red flag at a bull. I looked out the winder and seen a critter about the size of a grainery coming across the street from the buckin' ram, followed by a gang of men which look like him, but not nigh as big. What kind of folks are they I asked with interest? They ain't neither Mexicans nor Indians, but they sure ain't white men, neither. Ah, they're hunkies, says a little sawed-off cowman. Ted dissed Brungham in here to herd sheep for him, and that bigens John.  Where are they from, I asked? Canada? Nah, says he. They come originally from a place called Europe. I don't know where it is, but I jedged somewhere east of Chicago. But I know them fellers never originated nowhere's on this continent. They was rough dressed and wild-looking, with knives in their belts, and they didn't look like no folks I'd ever saw before.   It sounded like a man beating a bass drum. You strong man, says he. I strong too. We wrestle, eh? Nah, I says, I don't care nothing about wrestling. He give a snort which blowed the foam off every beard glass on the bar and looked around till he seen an iron rod lying on the floor. It looked like the handle of a branded iron, and was pretty thick. He grabbed this and bent it into a V and throwed it down on the bar in front of me, and all the other hunkies jabbered admiringly. This childish display irritated me, but I controlled myself and drunk another finger of whiskey, and the bartender whispered to me. Look out for him. He aims to project into a fight. He's nearly killed nine or ten men with his bare hands. He's a mean one. Well, says I, tossing a dollar onto the bar and turning away. I got more important things to do than wrestle an outlandish foreigner in a bar room. I gotta eat my dinner and get out to the Rackston Ranch quick. But at that moment Big John chose to open his bazoo. There are some folks which can't never let well enough alone. Frade, jeered he. Yah, yah. The hunkies all whooped and guffawed, and the cattlemen scowled. What you mean? Afraid, I gasped. More dumbfounded than mad. It'd been so long since anybody's made a remark like that to me. I was plum-flabbergasted. Then I remembered I was amongst strangers which didn't know my reputation, and I realized it was my duty to correct that there oversight before somebody got hurt on account of ignorance.  But as I went up to him, he doubled up his fist and hit me, severely on the nose. And them hunkies all bust in the loud, rude laughter. That warn't wise. A man had better twist a striped thunderbolt's tail than hit a Elkins unexpected on the nose. I give a roar of irritation and grabbed Big John and started committing mayhem on him, free and enthusiastic. I swept all the glasses and bottles off of the bar with him, and knocked down a hanging lamp with him, and fanned the floor with him till he was limp. Then I threw him the full length of the bar-room. His head went through the panels of the back door, and the other hunkies, which had stood petrified, stampeded into the street with howls of horror. So I'd taken the brandon iron handle and straightened it out, and bent it around his neck, and twisted the ends together at a knot. So he had to get a blacksmith to file it off after he come to, which was several hours later. All them cowmen was staring at me with their eyes popped out of their heads, and seemed plumb and capable of speech.  As I left I heard one feller, which was holding on to the bar like he was too weak to stand alone. Say feebly to the dumb-founded bartender, give me a drink quick. I never thought I'd live to cease up my couldn't believe when I was looking right smack at it. I couldn't make no sense out of this, so I headed for the dining-room of a Montana hotel and bar. But my hopes of peace and quiet was an illusion. I'd just started on my fourth beef steak, when a big maverick in star-top boots and store-bought clothes comes surging into the dining-room and bellard. Is your name Elkins? Yeah, it is, I says, but I ain't deep. You don't have to yell.  I don't know what you're talking about, I growled, emptyin' the sugar-bowl into my coffee cup with some irritation. It looked like lonesome lizard was full of maniacs, which craved destruction. Who are you anyhow? I'm Ted Bissett, that's who. Howl'd he, convulsively gesturing toward his six-shooter. And I'm on to you.   What do you mean I run your sheepherders off, I demanded, amazed.  They're so scared of you they won't come back without double pay.  A man don't live, which can call me that name with impunity.    I yelled for another steak, and Bissett yelled for a doctor, and the manager yelled for the sheriff. The last named individual didn't get there, till after the doctor and the steak had a robe, and was set in Bissett's arm—the doctor, I mean, and not the steak, which a trembling waiter brung me. Quite a crowded gathered by this time, and was watching the doctor work with great interest and offer an advice which seemed to infuriate Bissett, judging from his language. He also discussed his busted arm with considerable passion, but the doctor warn't a bit worried.  He was jovial and gay, no matter how loud Bissett yelled. You could tell right off he was a man which could take it. But Bissett's friends was very mad, and Jack Campbell, his foreman, was muttering something about him taking the law into their own hands. When the sheriff came prancing in, waving a six-shooter and holler and, where is he? Find out the scoundrel to me. There he is. Everybody yelled and ducked, like they expected gunplay. But I had already recognized the sheriff, and when he seen me he recoiled and shoved his gun out of sight like it was red hot or something. Brick and Ridge Elkins says he. Then he stopped and studied awhile. Then he told them to take Bissett out to the bar and pour some liquor down him. When they went, he sat down at the table and says, Brick, I want you to understand that they ain't nothing personal about this, but I got to arrest you. It's again the law to shoot a man inside of the city limits. I ain't got time to get arrested, I told him. I got to get over to old Abed Rackston's ranch. But listen, Brick, argued the sheriff. It was John Willoughby, just like old Abed said. What'll folks think if I don't jail you for shooting a leading citizen? Elections coming up and my hat's in the ring, says he, gulping my coffee. Bissett shot at me first, I said. Why don't you arrest him?  Anyway, he's got a busted arm and ain't able to go to jail just now. Besides, I need the sheepman's votes. Oh, I don't like jails, I said irritably, and he begun to weep. If you was a friend of me, sobs he, you'd be glad to spend the night in jail to help me get re-elected. I'd do as much for you.  How can you do me like this, after the times we had together in the old days? I'll stop blubbering, I says. You can arrest me if you want to. What's the fine? I don't want to collect no fine, Breck, says he, wiping his eyes on the oil cloth table cover and filling his pockets with doughnuts. I figures a jail sentence will give me more prestige. I'll let you out first thing in the morning.  I promised I wouldn't, and then he wants me to give up my guns, and I refuses. But good gosh, Breck! he pleaded. It'd look awful funny for a prisoner to keep on his shooting irons.  So he said if I'd lend him some money, he could have the blacksmith make me some leg irons. But I refused profanely. So he said, all right, it was just a suggestion, and no offence intended. So we went down to the jail. The jailer was off sleeping off a drunk, somewheres, but he'd left the key hanging on the door, so we went in. Pretty soon along come Johnny's deputy, Byge Gantry, a long, loose, chinaed cuss with a dangerous eye. So Johnny's sending to the Red Warrior for a can of beer, and whilst he was gone, Johnny bragged on him a heap. Why, says he, Byge is the only man in the county which has ever got within shooting distance to them dirt outlaws. He was by his self, first luck. If I'd been along, we'd have scuppered the whole gang. I asked him if he had any idea who they was, and he said Byge believed they was a gang up from Wyoming. Then I said, well, then in that case they gotta hang out in the hills somewheres, and ought to be easier to run down than men which scattered to their homes after each raid. Byge got back with the beer about then. Johnny told him that when I got out of jail he was gonna deportize me, and we'd all go after them outlaws together. So Byge said, that was great, and looked me over pretty sharp, and we sought down and started playing poker. Long about supper time the jailer come in, looking tolerable seedy, and Johnny made him cook us some supper.  Telling the prisoners busy, says Johnny.  That must be old A. Braxton, says Johnny. Better let him in. Breck, says he, I looks to you to protect me if the old cuss gets mean. So old A. Bed come waltzing into the jail with fire in his eye and corn liquor on his breath. At the sight of me he let out a squall which was painful to hear.  I sense for you to help me bust up a gang of rustlers and sheepherders. And the first thing you do is to get in jail. To aren't my fault, I says. Them sheepherders started picking on me. Well, he snarls. Why didn't you drill this at center when you was at it? I come up here to shoot rustlers, not sheepherders, I said. What's the difference, he snarled? Them sheepmen has probably got as much right to the range as you come in, I says. See such outrageous blasphemy, says he, shocked. You've bungled things so far, but there's one good thing. This it had to hire back as dirned hunky herders at double wages. Do you don't know more mindspending money than he does spilling his own blood, that cussed tightwad? Well, what's your fine? Ain't no fine, I says. Johnny wants me to stay in jail a while. At this old abed convulsively went for his gun, and Johnny got behind me and hollered. Don't you dash you to Ossifer of the law? It's a spite trick, gibbered old abed.  After I kicked him off of my ranch, he run for sheriff. And the night of the election everybody was so drunk they voted for him by mistake, or for a joke, or something. And since he's been in office, he's been letting the sheep men steal me right out of a house and home. That's a lie, says Johnny, heatedly. I give you as much protection as anybody else, you old buzzard. I just ain't been able to run any of them critters down, that's all. But you wait, buy just on their trail, and we'll have them behind the bars before the snow falls. Before the snow falls in Guatemala, maybe. Snorted old abed. All right, blast ya. I'm going. But I'll have Breckenridge out of here if I have to burn the cuss of jail. A rax to never forgets. So he stalked out selflessly, only turning back to snort. Sheriff. Bah. Seven murders in a county unsolved since you come into office. You'll let them sheep men murder us all in our beds. We ain't had a hangin' since you was elected. After he left, Johnny brooded awhile and finally says, The old Lobos ride about them murders. Only he neglected to mention that four of them was sheep men. I know it's cattlemen and sheep men killin' each other, each side accusing the other of rustlin' stalk, but I can't prove nothin'. A hangin' would set me solid with the voters. Here he eyed me hungrily, and ventured. If somebody'd just up and confess to some of them murders, you needn't look at me like that, I said. I never killed nobody in Montana. Well, he argued, nobody could prove you never done them.  I'm willing to help a friend get elected all I can, but there's a limit. Oh well, all right. He sighed. I didn't much figure you'd be willing, anyway. Folks is so darn selfish these days, all they thinks about is their selves. But listen here, if I was to bust up a lynching mob, it'd be nigh as good a boost for my campaign as a legal hangin'.  Then when they got the rope around your neck, I'll run out and shoot in the air and they'll run off, and I'll get credit for upholding law and order. Folks always disapproves of mobs unless they happens to be in them. So I said, all right. He urged me to be careful and not hurt none of them, because they was all his friends, and would be mine. I asked him, would they bust the door down? And he said, there weren't no use in damaging the property like that. They could hold up the jailer and take the key off of him. So he went off to fix things, and after a while Bige Gantry left and said he was on the trace of a clue to them cattle rustlers, and the jailer started drinkin' hair tonic mixed with tequila, and in about an hour he was stiffer no wet lariat. Well, I laid down on the floor, on a blanket to sleep, without taking my boots off. And about midnight a gang of men with masks come, and they didn't have to hold up the jailer because he was out cold. So they taken the key off him, and all the loose change, and plugged the backer out of his pockets, too, and opened the door. And I asked, are you the gents which is gonna hang me? And they said, we be. So I got up and asked him if they had any liquor, and went up and give me a good snort out of his hip flask. And I said, all right, let's get it over with so I can go back to sleep. He was the only one which done any talking, and the rest didn't say a word. I figured they was bashful. He said, let's tie your hands behind just so's to make it look real. And I said, all right, they tied me with some rawhide thongs which I reckon would have held the average man all right. So I went outside with him, and there was an oak tree right close to the jail, nice and bushes. I figured Johnny was hiding over behind them bushes. They had a barrel for me to stand on, and I got onto it. They throwed a rope over a big limb, and put the noose around my neck. And the feller says, any last words? Oh, hell, I says. This is plumb silly. Ain't it about time for Johnny? At this moment, they kicked the barrel out from under me. Well, I was kind of surprised, but I tensed my neck muscles and waited for Johnny to rush out and rescue me. But he didn't come, and the noose began to pinch the back of my neck. So I got disgusted and says, hey, let me down. Then one of them which hadn't spoke up before says, by calling I never heard a man talk after he'd been strung up before. I recognized that voice. It was Jack Campbell, Bissett's foreman. Well, I have got a quick mind in spite of what my cousin Bearfield Buckner says, so I knowed right off something was fishy about this business. So I snapped the thongs on my wrists, and wretched up and caught hold of the rope I was hung with by both hands and broke it. Them scoundrels was so surprised they didn't think to shoot at me till the rope was already broke, and then the bullets all went over me as I fell. When they started shooting, I knowed they meant me no good, and acted a cordon. I dropped right in the midst of them, and brung three to the ground with me, and during the few seconds to take me to choke and batter them unconscious. The others was scared to fire for fear of hitting their friends.  Their masks come off during the process, revealing the faces of Bissett's friends. I'd saw them in the hotel. Somebody prodded me in the hind leg with a buoy at that moment, which infuriated me, so I throwed them four amongst the crowd and hid out, right and left, knocking over a man or so at each lick, until I seen a wagon spoke on the ground and stooped over to pick it up. When I'd done that, somebody threw a coat over my head and blinded me, and six or seven men then jumped onto my back. About this time I stumbled over some feller which had been knocked down and fell on my belly, and they all started jumping up and down on me enthusiastically. I wretched around and grabbed one and dragged him round to where I could reach his left ear with my teeth. I would have taken it clean off at the first snap, only I had to bite through the coat which was over my head. But, as it was, I'd done a good job, judging from his awful shrieks. He put forth a supreme effort and tore away, taken the coat with him, and I shaken off the others and risen up in spite of their puny efforts, with a wagon spoke in my hand. A wagon spoke is a good comfort and implement to have in a melee, and very demoralizing to the enemy. This embusted all the pieces about the fourth or fifth lick, but that was enough. Them which was able to run, had all took to their heels, leaving the battlefield strewed with moaning and cussing figures. Their remarks was shocking to hear, but I'd give them no heed. I headed for the sheriff's office, mad, clean through. It was a few hundred yards east of the jail, and just as I rounded the jail-house, I run smack into a dim figure which comes sneaking through the brush, making a curious clanking noise. It hit me with what appeared to be an iron bar, so I went to the ground with it and choked it and beat its head again the ground till the moon come out from behind a cloud, and revealed the bewiskered features of old Abednego Rackston. What the hell, I demanded of the universe at large, is everybody in Montana crazy? What are you doing, trying to murder me in my sleep? I warned you, jack-eared, lunkhead, snarled he when he could talk, then once you hit me with that there pinch-bar for I demanded. I didn't know it was you, says he, getting up and dusting his britches. I thought it was a grizzly bar when you rizz up out of the dark. Did you bust out? Nah, I never, I said. I told you I was staying in jail to do Johnny a favor, and you know what that old son of Belial done? He framed it up with Bissett's friends to get me hung. Come on, I'm going over and interview the darn skunk right now. So we went over to Johnny's office, and the door was unlocked and a candle burning, but he weren't in sight. There was a small iron safe there which I figured he had my guns locked up in, so I got a rock and busted it open, and sure enough, there my shooting irons was. There was also a gallon of corn liquor there, and me and Abed was discussing whether or not we had the moral right to drink it, when I heard somebody remark in a muffled voice, so we looked around and I seen a pair of spurs sticking out from under a camp cot over in the corner. I grabbed hold of the boots they was on and pulled them out, and a human figure come with them. It was Johnny. He was tied, hand and foot, and gagged, and he had a lump onto his head the size of a turkey egg.  You better do some explaining, I says, resentfully. What you mean, sick and bisits friends onto me? I never done such, says he heededly. Right after I left the jail, I come to the office here, and was just fixing to get hold of my friends to frame the fake neck-type party when somebody come in at the door and hit me over the head. I thought it was Byge coming in and didn't look round, then whoever it was clouded me.  If he's telling the truth, says old Abed, which he seems to be, much as I hates to admit it. It looks like some friend of bisits overheard you all talking about this thing, followed Johnny over and put him out of the way for the time being, then raised a mob of his own. No one break wouldn't put up no resistance, thinking they was friends. I told you whose hat.  I just had a brush with the outlaws, he hollered. I've been trailing them all night. They waylaid me while ago three miles out of town they nearly shot my ear off, but if I didn't wing one of them I'm a Dutchman. Round up a posse, how old Johnny, grabbing a Winchester and cartridge belt. Take us back to where you had this great Byge. Wait a minute, I said, grabbing Byge. Let me see that ear. I jerked his hand away, disregarding the spur he stuck into my leg, and bellard. Shot, hell, that ear was chaud, and I'm the man which done it. You was one of them illegitimates that tried to hang me. He then whipped out his gun, but I knocked it out of his hand and hit him on the jaw and knocked him through the door. I then followed him outside and taken away the buoy he'd drawed as he rose groggily, and threw him back into the office.  How long is this going on? he asked. Probably all night, I assured him. The way I feel right now I can keep heaving you in and out of this office from now till noon to-morrow. Hold up! gurgled he. I'm a hard nut, but I know when I'm licked. I confess I've done it. Done what? I demanded. I hit Johnny on the head and tied him up, he howled, grabbing wildly for the door jam as he went past it. I rigged the lynching-party. I'm in with the rustlers. Set him down! hollered a bed, grabbed and holed in my shirt. Quick, Johnny! Help me hold Breckenridge before he kills a valourable witness! But I shaken him off impatiently and socked Gantry onto his feet. He couldn't stand, so I held him up by the collar, and he gasped. I lied about trading shots with the outlaws. I've been fooling Johnny all along. Them rustlers ain't no Wyoming gang, they all live around here. Ted Bissett is the head chief of them.   What you fake now after showing so darn much affection for them cussed sheepmen? Just shooting Bissett in the arm like he was your brother or something? Swander, you didn't invite him out to dinner.  Go on, Gantry. He ain't a legitimate sheepman, says he. That's just a blind, him runnin' sheep. Ain't no real sheepman mixed up with him. His gang is just the scrapens of the country, and they hide out on his ranch when things get hot. Other times they scatters and goes home. They're the ones which has been killin' honest sheepmen and cattlemen, tryin' to set the different factions again each other, so as to make stealin' easier. The hunkies ain't in on the deal. He'd just brung him out to herd his sheep, because his own men wouldn't do it, and he was afeard if he hired local sheepherders they'd catch on to him. Naturally we wanted you out of the way when we know'd you'd come up here to run down the rustlers, so tonight I seen my chance when Johnny started talking about staging that fake hangin'. I followed Johnny and tapped him on the head and tied him up, and went and told Bissett about the business.  It was a peach of a frame up, and it would've worked, too, if we'd been dealin' with a human being. Lock me up. All I want right now is a good quiet penitentiary, where I'll be safe. Well, I said to Johnny after he'd locked Gantry up. All you got to do is ride over to Bissett's ranch and arrest him. He's laid up with his arm, and most of his men is crippled. You'll find a number of him over by the jail. This ought to elect ya. Well, it will, says he, doin' a war dance in his glee. I'm as good as elected right now, and I'll tell you, Breck, taint the job alone I'm thinkin' about. I'd have lost my gal if I'd lost the race. But she's promised to marry me if I catch them rustlers and got re-elected, and she won't go back on her word, neither. Yeah, I says with idle interest, thinkin' of my own true love. What's her name? Margaret Brewster, says he. What! I yelled in a voice which knocked old Abed over on his back like he'd been hit by a cyclone. Them which accuses me of violent and unusual conduct, don't consider how my emotions was stirred up by the knowledge that I had went through all them humiliatin' experiences just to help a rival take my gal away from me. Throwin' Johnny through the office window and kickin' the walls out of the building was just a mild expression of the way I felt about the whole Dern affair, and instead of feelin' resentful, he ought to have been thankful. I was able to restrain my natural feelings as well as I had done. End of The Conquerant Hero of the Humboldts. Sharps Gun Serenade by Robert Howard. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Sharps Gun Serenade by Robert Howard. I was headin' for war paint, joggin' along easy and comfortable, when I seen a galoot comin' up the trail in a cloud of dust, just a burnin' the breeze. He didn't stop to pass the time of day. He went past me so fast, Captain Kidd missed the snap he made at his house, which shows he was sure high-tailin' it. I recognized him as Jack Sprague, a young waddie, which worked on a spread not far from war paint.  He went foggin' on up the trail into the mountains, and I looked back to see if I could see the posse. Because about the only time an outlander ever heads for the high humbolts is when he's about three jumps on a low hoop ahead of a neck-tie party. I seen another cloud of dust all right, but it warn't big enough for more than one man, and pretty soon I seen it was Bill Glanton of war paint. But that was good enough reason for Sprague's haste if Bill was on the prod. Glanton is from Texas, original, and whilst he is a sentimental cuss in repose, he's a ring-tailed wizard with star-spangled wheels when his feelings is ruffled, and his feelings is ruffled tolerable easy. As soon as he seen me he yelled, Where'd he go? Who, I says? A humble folks ain't overflowing with casual information. Jack Sprague says he, You must have saw him. Where'd he go? He didn't say, I says. Glanton ground his teeth slightly and says, Don't start your darn hillbilly stalling with me. I ain't got time to waste the week or so it takes to get the information out of a humble mountain varmint.  I'm pursuing him to save his life. A gal in war-paint has jilted him, and he's so broke up about it, he's threatening to ride right over the mortal ridge. Us boys has been watching him and following him around, taking pistols and rat-piesin and the like away from him, but this morning he gives us the slip and taken to the hills. It was a waitress in the ball-and-heifer restaurant which put me on to his trail. He told her he was going up in the hills where he wouldn't be interfered with and hang his self. So that's why he had the rope, I says. Well, it's his own business, ain't it? No, it ain't, says Bill sternly. When a man is in his state, he ain't responsible, and it's the duty of his friends to look after him. He'll thank us in the days to come. Anyway, he owes me six bucks, and if he hangs his self, I'll never get paid. Come on, dang it! He'll lynch his self while he stands here, John. Well, all right, I says. After all, I've got to think about the reputation of the Humboldts. They ain't never been a suicide committed up here before. Quite right, says Bill. Nobody ever got a chance to kill a self up here, someone else always done it for him. But I ignored this slander, and reigned Captain Kitt around, just as he was fixing to bite off Bill's house's ear. Jack had left the trail, but he left sign a blind man could follow. He had a long start on us, but we both had better hausses than his, and after a while we'd come to where he'd tied his house among the brush at the foot of Cougar Mountain. We tied our house's too, and pushed through the brush on foot, and right away we seen him. He was climbing up the slope toward a ledge, which had a tree growing on it. One limb stuck out over the edge, and was just right to make us well gallows, as I told Bill. But Bill was in a lather. He'll get to that ledge before we can catch him, says he. What'll we do? Shoot him in the leg, I suggested. But Bill says, No, darn it. He'll bust his self falling down the slope, and if we start after him he'll hustle up to the ledge and hang his self before we can get to him. Look there, though. There's a thicket growing up the slope west of the ledge. You circle round and crawl up through it, whilst I get out in the open and attract his attention. I'll try to keep him talking till you can get up there and grab him from behind. So I ducked low in the brush, and ran around the foot of the slope till I come to the thicket. Just before I divved into the tangle, I seen Jack had got to the ledge, and was fastening his rope to the limb, which stuck out over the edge.   Let me alone, Jack hollered. Don't come no closer. This here's a free country. I've got a right to hang myself if I want to. But it's a damn fool thing to do, well, Bill. My life is ruined, asserted Jack. My true love has been betrayed. I'm a wilted tumblebug—I mean tumbleweed—on the sands of time. Destiny has slapped the zero brand on my flank. I—I don't know what else he said, because at that moment I stepped into something which led out a ear-splitten squall, and attached itself violently to my hind leg. That was just my luck, with all the thickets they was in the humbolts. I'd turned Cougar had to be sleeping in that, and, of course, it had to be me which stepped on him.  But the brush was so thick I didn't seem till he had hold to me, and I was so stuck up with them darn briars I couldn't hardly move, no how. So before I had time to do anything about it, he had sunk most of his tushes and claws into me, and was retching for new holts as fast as he could rake. It was ol' Brighammer, too—the biggest, meanest, and oldest cat in the humbolts.  Before I could get ol' Brighammer by the neck and haul him loose from me, he had clawed my clothes all to pieces, and likewise lacerated my hide free and generous.  Ol' Brighammer then legged it down off the mountain, squall and fit to bust your eardrums. He was the maddest cougar you ever seen, but not mad enough to renew the fray. He must have recognized me. At that moment I heard Bill yelling for help up above me, so I headed up the slope, swearing loud and bleeding freely, and crashing through them bushes like a wild bull. Evidently the time for stealth and silence was passed. I busted into the open and seen Bill hopping around on the edge of the ledge, trying to get hold of Jack, which was kicking like a grasshopper on the end of the rope, just out of reach. One just sneak up soft and easy like I said, howl, Bill. I was just about to argue him out of the notion. He tied the rope around his neck and was standing on the edge, when that racket bust loose in the brush and scared him so bad, he fell off of the ledge, knew something. Shoot the rope in, too, I suggested. But Bill said, No, you cussed fool, he'd fall down the cliff and break his neck. But I seen it warrant a very big tree, so I went and got my arms around it and give it a heave and loosen the roots, then kind of twisted it around so the limb Jack was hung to was over the ledge now. I reckon I busted most of the roots in the process, judging from the noise. Bill's eyes popped out when he seen that, and he wretched up kind of days-like and got the rope with his buoy. Only he forgot to grab Jack before he cut it, and Jack hit the ledge with a resounding thud.  I'll never get that six bucks. Look how purple he is. Aw, says I, biting me off a Chew-it tobacco. All men which has been hung looks that way. I remember once the vigilantes hung Uncle Jeopard Grimes, taking us three hours to bring him to after we cut him down. Of course he'd been hanging an hour before we found him.  You select the damnedest times to converse about the sins of your infernal relatives. Look, he's coming too, because Jack had begun to gasp and kick around. So Bill brung out a bottle and poured a snort down his gullet. Pretty soon Jack sought up and felt his neck. His jaws wagged, but didn't make no sound. Glanton now seemed to notice my disheveled condition for the first time.  Aw, I stepped on Old Brighammer, I scowled. Well, why don't you hang on to him, he demanded.  We could have split the dough. I've had a belly full of Old Brighammer, I replied irritably. I don't care if I never see him again. Look what he'd done to my best britches. If you want that bounty you go after it yourself. And let me alone, unexpectedly spoke up Jack, eyeing us balefully. I'm free, wide and twenty-one. I hangs myself if I want to. You won't neither, says Bill sternly.  I defy you, squawked Jack, making a sudden dive between Bill's legs, and he would have got clean away if I hadn't snagged the seat of his britches with my spur. He then displayed startling in gratitude by hitting me with a rock, and whilst we was tying him up with a hanging-rope, his language was scandalous. Did you ever see such a idgid, demands Bill, setting on him and fanning his self with a stetson? What are we going to do with him? We can't keep him tied up forever. We got to watch him close till he gets out of the notion of killing his self, I says. He can stay at our cabin for a spell. Ain't you got some sisters? says Jack. A whole cabin full, I says, with feeling. You can't hardly walk without stepping on one. Why? I won't go, says he bitterly. I don't never want to see no woman again, not even a mountain woman. I'm an embittered man. The honey of love has turned to trench their pison. Leave me to the buzzards and the cougars. I got it, says Bill. We'll take him on a hunting trip, way up in the high humbolts. They some of that country I'd like to see myself.  If we was to call you a white man. What you mean by that there remark, I demanded heathily.  Hey, look out! I glimpsed a furry hide through the brush. I'm thinking it was old Brighammer coming back. I pulled my pistols and started shooting at it. When a familiar voice yelled wrathfully, hey, you cut that out! Nernet! The next instant a peculiar figure hovend of you. A tall, gant old Ranny, with long hair and whiskers, with a club in his hand, and a painter hide tied around his middle. Sprogg's eyes bugged out, and he says, Who in the name of God is that? Another victim of feminine wiles, I says. That's old Joshua Braxton of Chaud ear. The oldest and toughest bachelor in South Nevada. I judge that Miss Stark, the old maid schoolteacher, has renewed her matrimonial designs onto him. When she starts rolling sheep's eyes at him, he always dawns that their garb and takes to the high Sierras. It's the only way to protect myself! Snarl, Joshua. She'd marry me by force if I didn't resort to strategy. Not many folks comes up here, and such as does, don't recognize me in this rig. What you varmints disturbing my solitude for! Your racket woke me up over in my cave. When I seen old Brighammer hightailin' it for distant parts, I figured Elkins was on the mountain.   Jack come up here to decorate a oak limb with his own carcass, because one wouldn't marry him. Some men never knows their luck, says old Joshua, enviously. Now me, I yearns to return to Chaud ear, which I've been a-wait from for a month. But whilst that old mud hen of a Miss Stark is there, I haunts the wilderness if it takes the rest of my life. Well, be at ease, Josh, says Bill. Miss Stark ain't there no more. She pulled out for Arizona three weeks ago. Hallelujah, says Joshua, throwing away his club. Now I can return and take my place among men. Hold on, says he, reaching for his club again. Likely they'll be getting some other old Herod in to take her place. That new-fangled schoolhouse they got at Chaud ear is a curse and a blight. We'll never be shed of husband-hunting, arithmetic shooters. I better stay up here after all. Don't worry, says Bill. I seen a picture of a gal that's coming from the east to take Miss Stark's place. I can assure you that a gal as young and pretty as her wouldn't never try to slap her brand on no old buzzard like you. Young and pretty, you says? I asked with sudden interest. As a racing fella, he declared. First time I ever known a school marm could be less than forty and have a face that didn't look like the beginnings of a long drought. She's due in Chaud ear on the evening stage, and the whole town turns out to welcome her. The mayor aims to make a speech if he's sober enough, and they got a band up to play. Damn foolishness, snorted Joshua. I don't take no stock in education. I don't know, says I. That was before I got educated. These times when I wished I could read and write, we ain't never had no school on Bear Creek. What would you read outside of the labels on the whiskey bottles? Snorted old Joshua. Funny how a pretty face changes a man's viewpoint, remarked Bill. I remember once Miss Stark asked you how you folks up on Bear Creek would like for her to come up and teach your children, and you'd taken one look at her face and told her it was again the principles of Bear Creek to have their peaceful innocence invaded by the corrupt and influences of education. You said the folks was all banded together to resist such corruption to the last drop of blood. It's my duty to Bear Creek to provide culture. For the rising generation, says I, ignoring them slanderous remarks. I feel the urge for knowledge, a heave and a surgeon in my bosom. We're going to have a school on Bear Creek by golly.  Where will you get a teacher? asked Joshua. Chaud ear ain't going to let you have there. Chaud ear is too, I says. If they won't give her up peaceful, I resorts to force. Bear Creek is going to have culture. If I have to wade Fetlock deep in gore to provide it. Let's go. I'm raring to open the ball for arts and letters. Are you all with me? No, says Jack, plenty emphatic. What are we going to do with him? demands Glanton. Oh, I says we'll time up someplace along the road and pick him up as we come back by. All right, says Bill, ignoring Jack's impassioned protests. I just assumed my nerves is frayed, right and heard on this young widget, and I need a little excitement to quieten them. You can always be counted on for that. Anyway, I'd like to see that their schoolmarm gal myself. How about you, Joshua? You're both crazy, growls Joshua. But I've lived up here on nuts and jackrabbit till I ain't sure of my own sanity. Anyway, I know the only way to disagree successfully with Elkins is to kill him, and I got strong doubts of being able to do that. Lead on. I'll do anything within reason to help keep education out of chaud ear. Taint only my personal feelings regarding school teachers. It's the principle of the thing. Get your clothes on and let's hustle then. I says, this painter hide is all I got, says he. You can't go down into the settlements in that rig, I says. I can't in will, says he. I'll look as civilized as you do with your clothes all tore to rags. Count of Old Brighammer? I got a hauss close by. I'll get him if Old Brighammer ain't already. So Joshua went to get his hauss and me and Bill, towed a jack down the slope to where our hausses was. His conversation was plentiful and heated, but we ignored it, and was just tying him onto his hauss when Joshua arose with his critter. Then the trouble started. Captain Kidd evidently thought Joshua was some kind of varmit because every time Joshua came nigh, he'd take any in after him and run him up a tree. And every time Joshua tried to come down, Captain Kidd busted loose for me and run him back up again. I didn't get no help from Bill. All he'd done was laugh like a spotted hyena till Captain Kidd got irritated at thin guffaws and kicked him in the belly and knocked him clean through a clump of spruces. Time I got him untangled he looked about as disreputable as what I did because most of his clothes was tore off of him. We couldn't find his hat neither, so I tore up what was left in my shirt and he tied the pieces round his head like a patchy. Except in Jack, we was sure a wild-looking bunch. But I was disgusted thinking about how much time we was wasting, whilst all the time Bear Creek was wallowing in ignorance. So the next time Captain Kidd went for Joshua, I took and busted him betwixt the ears with my six-shooter, and that had some effect onto him, a little. So we sought out. When Jack tied onto his horse and cussed in something terrible, and Joshua on a gaunt old nag he rolled bareback with a hackamore. I had Bill to ride betwixt him and me so as to keep that painter hide as far away from Captain Kidd as possible. But every time the wind shifted and blowed the smell to him, Captain Kidd retched over and taken a bite at Joshua. Sometimes he bit Bill's horse by accident, sometimes he bit Bill. And the language Bill directed at that poor animal was shocking to hear. We was aiming for the trail that runs down from Bear Creek into the Chaud Ear Road, and we hid at a mile west of Bowie Knife Pass.  Instead of being grateful for all the trouble we'd went to for him, he acted right nasty, and called us some names I wouldn't have endured if he'd been in his right mind. But we tied his horse to the same tree, and hustled down the trail, and presently come out onto the poor paint Chaud Ear Road, some miles west of Chaud Ear. And there we sighted our first human, a feller on a pinto mare, and when he'd seen us he'd give us shriek and took out down the road toward Chaud Ear like the devil had him by the britches. Let's ask him if the teachers got there yet, I suggested.  But he'd just spurred his horse that much harder, and before we'd gone any peace, Joshua's fool husts jostled again Captain Kidd, which smelt that painter's skin, and got the bit between his teeth, and run Joshua and his horse three miles through the brush before I could stop him. Bill followed us, and of course, time we got back to the road, the feller on the pinto mare was out of sight long ago. So we headed for Chaud Ear, but everybody that lived along the road had run into their cabins and bolted the door. And they shot at us through the windows as we rode by. Bill said irritably, after having his off ear nicked by a buffalo rival, he says, turn it, they must know we aim to steal their school teacher. Oh, they couldn't know that, I says. I bet there's a war between Chaud Ear and War Paint. Oh, why are they shooting at me for, then? demanded Joshua. How could they recognize you in that rig, I asked. What's that? Ahead of us, a way down the road, we seen a cloud of dust, and here come a gang of men on hausses, waving guns and yelling. Well, whatever the reason is, says Bill, we better not stop to find out. Them gents is out for blood, and says he as the bullets begin to knock up the dust around us. I judge it's our blood. Pull into the brush, says I. I goes to Chaud Ear, in spite of hell, high water, and all the gunmen they can raise. So we take into the brush, and they lit in after us, about forty or fifty of them. But we dodged and circled, and taken shortcuts, old Joshua knowed about, and when we emerged into the town of Chaud Ear, our pursuers weren't nowhere's in sight. In fact, they weren't nobody in sight. All the doors was closed, and the shutters up on the cabins, and saloons, and stores, and everything. It was peculiar. As we rode into the clearing, somebody let bam at us with a shotgun from the nearest cabin, and the load combed Joshua's whiskers. This made me mad, so I rode at the cabin, and pulled my foot out in the stirrup, and kicked the door in, and whilst I was doing this, the feller inside hollered, and jumped out the window, and Bill grabbed him by the neck. It was Esau Barlow, one of Chaud Ear's confirmed citizens.  Is that you, Glamon? Daffed Esau blanking his eyes. Of course it's me, Rord Bill. Do I look like an engine? Yes. Ow! I mean, I didn't know you in that there, Durban, says Esau. Am I dreaming, or is that Josh Braxton and Brick Ilkins? Sure it's us, snorted Joshua. Who you think? Well, says Esau, rubbing his neck and looking sideways at Joshua's painter's skin, I didn't know. Where is everybody? Joshua demanded. Well, says Esau. A little while ago Dick Lynch rode into town with his hawsol of a ladder, and swore he'd just outrun the wildest war party that ever come down from the hills. Boys, says Dick. They ain't neither engines nor white men. They're wild men, that's what.  One of the others as as ragged and ugly as him, but not so big in wearing a patchy headdress. The others got nothing on but a painter's hide in a club, and his hair and whiskers falls to his shoulders when they see me, says Dick.  I've fogged it for town, says Dick, warning everybody along the road to fort themselves in their cabins. Well, says Esau, when he says that, such men as was left in town got their haws and guns, and they'd taken out up the road to meet the war party before it got into town. Well, of all the fools, I says. Say, where's the new teacher? The stage ain't a riv yet, says he. The mayor and the man rode out to meet it at the Yaller Creek crossing and escorted her into town in honor. They'd left before Dick Brung knew of the war party. Come on, I says to my warriors, we likewise meets that stage. So we fogged it on through the town and down the road, and pretty soon we heard music blaring ahead of us, and then yipping and shooting off their pistols like they does when they're celebrating. So we'd judged they'd met the stage and was escorting it in. What you gonna do now? asked Bill, and about that time a noise bussed out behind us, and we looked back and seen that gang of Chaud ear maniacs which had been chasing us, dusting down the road after us, waving their winchesters. I know there weren't no use trying to explain to them, we weren't no war party cannibals. They'd salivate us before we could get close enough to make them hear what we was saying. So I yelled, come on, if they get her into town they'll fort their selves against us. We takes her now, follow me. So we swept down the road, and around the bend.  He was all-rating at the top of his voice to make his self-heard above the racket the band was making. They was blowing horns and banging drums and twanging on juice harps, and the hosses was skittish and shy and in jumping. But we heard the mayor say, And so we welcomes you, Miss Devon, to our peaceful little community, where life runs smooth and tranquil, and men's souls is overflowing with milk and honey. And just then we stormed around the bend and come tearing down on them, with the mob right behind us, yelling and cussing and shooting, free and fervent. The next minute, they was the damnedest mix-up you ever seen, what with the hosses bucking their riders off, men yelling and cussing, the hosses hitched to the stage, running away and knocking the mayor off in his hoss. We hit them like a cyclone, and they shot at us and hit us over the head with their music horns, and right in the middle of the fray the mob behind us rounded the bend, and piled up amongst us before they could check their hosses, and everybody was so confused they started fighting everybody else. Nobody knowed what it was all about except me and my warriors, but Chaudier's motto is, when in doubt, shoot. So they laid into us and into each other, free and hearty, and we was far from idle. Old Joshua was laying out his fellow townsmen right and left with his Elm Club, saving Chaudier from education in spite of itself, and Glanton was beating the band over their heads with his six-shooter, and I was thrompling folks in my rush for the stage. The fool hosses had whirled around and started in the general direction of the Atlantic Ocean, and the driver and the shotgun guard couldn't stop them. But Captain Kidd overtook it, and maybe a dozen strides, and I left the saddle in a flying leap and landed on it. The guard tried to shoot me with his shotgun, so I throwed it into an alder clump, and he didn't let go of it quick enough, so he went along with it. I then grabbed the ribbons out of the driver's hands, and swung them fool hosses around on their hind legs, and the stage kind of revolved on one wheel for a dizzy instant, and then settled down again, and we headed back up the road lickety-split, and in an instant was right amongst the Frankus that was going on around Bill and Joshua. About that time I noticed that the driver was trying to stab me with a butcher knife, so I kind of tossed him off the stage, and there ain't no sense in him going around threatening to have me arrested, a count of him landing headfirst in the base horn, so it taken seven men to pull him out. He ought to watch where he falls, when he gets throwed off of a stage going at a high run. I also feels that the mayor is prone to carry petty grudges, or he wouldn't be so bitter about me accidentally running over him with all four wheels. And it ain't my fault he was stepped on by Captain Kidd, neither. Captain Kidd was just following the stage because he knowed I was on it, and it naturally irritates him to stumble over somebody, and that's why he chaud the mayor's ear. As for them other fellers, which happened to get knocked down and run over by the stage, I didn't have nothing personal against them. I was just rescuing Joshua and Bill, which was outnumbered about twenty to one. I was doing them chaud ear digits of favor, if they only noted, because in about another minute Bill would have started using the front ends of his six shooters instead of the butts, and the fight would have turned into a massacre. Bill has got an awful temper. Him and Joshua had did the enemy considerable damage, but the battle was going again when I arrived on the field of carnage. As the stage crashed through the mob, I wretched down and got Joshua by the neck and pulled him out from under about fifteen men which was beaten into death with their gun butts, and pulling out his whiskers by the handfuls. And I slung him up on top of the other luggage. About that time we was rushing past the dog pile which Bill was the center of, and I reached down and snared him as we went by, but three of the men which had hold of him wouldn't let go. So I hauled all four of them up onto the stage. I then handled the team with one hand, and used the other to pull them digits loose from Bill like pulling ticks off in a cow's hide, then throwed them at the mob which was chasing us. Men and hausses piled up in a stack on the road which was further messed up by Captain Kidd plowing through it as he come busting along after the stage. And by the time we sighted Chaud ear again, our enemies was far behind us, though still rambunctious. We tore through Chaud ear in a fog of dust, and the women and children which had ventured out of their shacks squalled and run back again, though they weren't in no danger. But Chaud ear folks is peculiar that way. When we was out of sight of Chaud ear, I give the lines to Bill and swung down the side of the stage and stuck my head in. They was one of the prettiest gals I ever seen in there, all huddled up in a corner and looking so pale and scared I was afraid she was going to faint, which I had heard eastern gals has a habit of doing. Oh, spare me! she begged. Please don't scalp me. Be at ease, Miss Devon, I reassured her. I ain't no engine, nor no wild man, neither. Neither is my friends here. We wouldn't none of us hurt a flea. We're that refined and soft-hearted. You wouldn't believe it. At that instant a wheel hit a stomp and the stage jumped into the air and I bit my tongue and roared in some irritation.  Try, you beef-headed lummox, he invites. But he pulled up the hausses, and I'd taken off my hat and opened the door. Bill and Joshua clumped down and peered over my shoulder. Miss Devon looked tolerable sick. Maybe it was something she had.  I'm Breckenridge Alkins of Bear Creek, where hearts is pure and motives is lofty, but culture is weak. You seize before you, says I, growing more enthusiastic about education, the longer I looked at them big brown eyes I heard. A man which has grown up in ignorance, I can't neither read nor write. Joshua here, in the painter's skin, he can't neither, and neither can Bill. That's a lie, says Bill. I can read and I'd kind of stuck my elbow in his stomach. I didn't want him to spoil the effect of my speech. Miss Devon was getting some of her color back. Miss Devon, I says, will you please, ma'am, come up to Bear Creek and be our school teacher? Why? says she bewilderedly. I came west, expecting to teach a chod ear, but I haven't signed any contract, and how much was them snake hunters going to pay you? I asked. Ninety dollars a month, says she. We pays you a hundred, I says, bored and lodging free. Hell's fire, says Bill. They never was that much hard cash money on Bear Creek. We all donates coon hides and corn liquor, I snapped. I sells the stuff in war paint and hands the dough to Miss Devon. Will you keep your snout out of my business? But what will the people of Chod ear say, she wonders? Nothing, I told her heartily. I'll tend to them. It seems so strange and irregular, says she weakly. I don't know. Then it's settled, I says. Great, let's go. Where, she gassed, grabbing hold of the stage as I clumbed into the seat. Bear Creek, I says, varmints and haws thieves hunt the brush. Culture is on her way to Bear Creek. And we went fogging it down the road as fast as the horses could hump it. Onst I looked back at Miss Devon and seen her getting pale again, so I yelled above the clatter of the wheels. Don't be scared, Miss Devon.  At this, she said something I didn't understand.  Then I heard Joshua say to Bill, hollering to make a self-heard, education my eye, the big chumps looking for a wife. That's what. Ten to one, she gives him the mitten. I takes that ball, Bill, and I bellard. Shed up that noise. Quick discuss in my private business, so darn public. I—what's that?  Bill yelled, holy smoke it's them chaudier maniacs. They're still on our trail, and they're gaining on us. Cussing heartily, I poured leather onto them fool-horses, and just then we hit the mouth of the Bear Creek Trail, and I swung onto it. They'd never been a wheel on that trail before, and the going was tolerable rough. It was all Bill and Joshua could do to keep from getting thrown off, and they would sell them more than one wheel on the ground at a time. Naturally the mob gained on us, and when we roared up in the buoy-knife pass, they weren't more than a quarter mile behind us, whooping bodacious. I pulled up the horses beside the tree where Jack Sprague was still tied up. He gawked at Miss Devon, and she gawked back at him. Listen, I says, here's a lady in distress which we're rescuing from teaching school and chaudier. A mob's right behind us. This ain't no time to think about yourself. Will you postpone your suicide if I turned you loose, and get on to this stage and take the young lady up the trail while the rest of us turn back the mob? I will, says he, with more enthusiasm than he'd showed, since we stopped him from hanging himself. So I cut him loose, and he clumped on to the stage. Drive on to Kiowa Canyon, I told him, as he picked up the lines. Wait for us there. Don't be scared, Miss Devon. I'll soon be with you. Be Elkins. Never fails a lady fair. Yup, says Jack. And the stage went clattering and banging up the trail, and me and Joshua and Bill taken cover among the big rocks that was on either side of the trail. The pass was just in their gorge, and a lovely place for an ambush, as I remarked. Well, here they come, howling up the steep slope, yelling and spurring and shooting wild. And me and Bill give them a salute with our pistols. The charge halted plum sudden. They know they was licked. They couldn't get at us, because they couldn't climb the cliffs. So after firenavali, which damaged nothing but the atmosphere, they turned around, and hightailed it back towards Chaudhier. I hope that's a lesson to them, says I, as I Riz. Come, I can't wait to get culture started on Bear Creek. You can't wait to get sparking that gal, snorted Joshua. But I ignored him, and forked Captain Kidd, and headed up the trail. And him and Bill followed, riding double on Jack Sprague's horse. Why should I deny my honorable intentions, I says, presently? Anyone can see Miss Devon is already learning to love me. If Jack had my attraction for the fair sex, he wouldn't be lugging around to ruin life. Hey, where's the stage? Because we'd reached Kiowa Canyon, and they weren't no stage. Here's a note stuck on a tree, says Bill. I'll read it. Well, for Lord's sake, he yelled. Listen to this. Dear boys, I've decided I ain't gonna hang myself. And Miss Devon has decided she don't want to teach school at Bear Creek. Breck gives her the willies. She ain't altogether sure he's human. With me it's love at first sight, and she's scared if she don't marry somebody, Breck will marry her. And she says I'm the best looking prospect she saw so far. So we're heading for war paint to get married. Yours truly, Jack Sprague. Oh, don't take it like that, says Bill, as I give a maddened howl, and impulsively commits to rip up all the saplings in wrench. You've saved his life and brung him happiness. And what have I brung me, I yelled, tearing the limbs off a oak in an effort to relieve my feelings. Culture on Bear Creek is shot to hell, and my honest love has been betrayed.  I attend to it myself, personal. End of Sharp's Gun Serenade.


We want to look at a Fridge structure today okay, soon after discussing components of sentences at two levels. First we looked at lexical level where we have seen words and then we looked at grammatical relations such as subject, objects and verbs okay and then we looked at the abstract part of sentences such as the components that are responsible for agreement okay namely certain lexical features like number, person and gender and then more functional features such as tenses and agreements and so on right. Then we looked at nature of verb in terms of its transitive nature and intransitive nature and die-transitive nature and we have seen that the number of objects in a sentence depends on verb. So these are the things that we have seen and then finally when we were looking at some sentences yesterday we tried to look at the fact that some words seem to be grouping together okay. In other words besides grammatical relations in a sentence like subjects and objects we have more to look at in the sense that each word in a sentence may belong to a particular category but they do not have their independent status only which is to say they may have a block and we want to see what is that block or that the formed constituent mean what is its status how does it work in a sentence okay do they really form a block do they really form a unit and then if they do then how are they represented and how do they interact with other units that is other blocks and components within that unit itself okay. So such as when we look at the sentence when we talked about this the fat monkey were jumping on the roof of this building we are saying the fat monkey is forming a constituent right what makes us think so that it is forming a constituent if you just look at the chunk what can you say why would anyone say that this chunk the three parts of this phrase making a group together and each one of the three parts are not in association with other units of this sentence you with me you understand the question why do you why do we say that the first what is the first word in this sentence the right which category does it belong to it is an article right we call it article why do we say that this word is part of this group not just because they are together right is there something else going on here so we can say the has something to do with monkey right it to be a specific like you said it is a specificity marker and it tells us among many monkeys which are among many fat monkeys which monkey are we talking about okay so that is the function of the more important part for us to understand here is this word is somehow related to monkey right how about the second one fact it is an adjective what is it doing in the sentence what is it talking about we know that adjectives describe something it gives us some additional information so what is it giving additional information about the monkey right so the simple answer to this question that the words in a group are related because rest of the words are talking about one particular chunk one particular thing in the whole chunk right and so which one is the most important part of this chunk monkey right because without rest and the reason why we are saying it is important because without rest of the two we can have monkey but without monkey we cannot have rest of the two rest of the two do not mean anything therefore that is an important chunk so let us hang in here and we come back to the structure of a phrase in a moment to see how it works okay and similarly what jumping on the roof of this building is one large chunk which is predicate and all but when we look at on the roof of this building right on the roof of this building let us just look at this part of the chunk we see that there are two parts okay on the roof right and off this building if I give you the whole chunk together which one is the most important part of this whole chunk anybody please look at the whole thing on the roof of this building this is what we are saying is one chunk right which one is the most important part like monkey was the important part of the first first group of words building or a roof if you are saying roof you need to say why if you are saying building you need to say why go ahead it was jumping on the roof roof of what roof cannot be hanging thing right in a way I am I am trying to answer your your part so why is building important in this whole phrase because on the roof right in a way is talking about off this building alright so the relationship between see these two these there are two phrases in this bigger phrase right and one is related to the other one okay so now if you are looking at the first one on the roof then roof is important because the is describing the is talking about roof and on as a preposition is also telling us something about the roof if you look at another the last chunk of this building same thing is happening what is what is this as a category anybody this as a word which category does it belong to no idea let me ask you this thing again you have heard this word this before right which category does it belong to okay forget about category what does it do what does it do in a sentence no it doesn't specify anything it's a pronoun okay what does what do pronouns do so what is this substituting the here what what you saying is partly right okay but not in this context this and you are also right that it's a pronoun okay but among pronouns and my expectation is not that you have a ready made answer to all these questions by my the reason why I am asking you these questions is because you pay attention to these these little things I mean I don't need to tell you I don't even need to ask you even sarcastically what does this mean right so all I am all I am asking you is that you look at these little things it's definitely a pronoun but it's a specific type of pronoun which is called demonstrative pronoun which demonstrative pronoun which talks about and you are also right that pronouns usually replace nouns okay but in this case it's it's a demonstrative pronoun which is talking about which helps us understand the directionality we are talking about this building not that one okay so but the point so the category why it's a pronoun it's a demonstrative pronoun it has a function all that is fine but it's related to the word building right similarly so on the roof of this building you see it's a large phrase of similar to two phrases of similar status but one is related with the other one right so words group together to make a phrase and phrases are related to one another in one way or the other they do not in other words phrases do not have their independent status you will remember this thing that this is an important in crucial junk juncture for you to understand a sentence words group together to form a phrase okay and then such phrases in a sentence are not independent of one another they are related to one another in one way or the other okay so now before we move to the next next slide in the same sentence if I say if I tell you the let's let's look at the whole phrase again on the roof of this building right we saw that on the roof is related to another phrase of this building now we are talking about one whole chunk on the roof of this building what is this related to in this sentence what is this related to in this building the question clear people decide understand the question yes no no you you need to tell me I can I can see that the question is not clear you see I am talking about this whole phrase okay on the roof of this building and just now I told you that phrases are not independent in sentences so if we have a if this is a sentence isn't it in this sentence this phrase is related with which component of the sentence sorry though the word phrase right it the the whole thing is part of word phrase but it's also related to the word phrase and to be really precise in the word phrase it's related to work right it's related to work so and what is this related with the fat monkey is also related to work right and what's the nature of this word jump this is a transitive or intransitive word transitive or intransitive or transitive or how do you think it's a transitive or it's not the we remember we cannot question jumping on what we can only say jump we can only question the word jump we can only question the verb jump with what can we question the verb jump with what jump what not jumping on what get it stand and a stand up are two different words okay I will I will go to those things later so you after looking at every single word every single part of the sentence how every single part is related to rest of the part is this making sense to you now let's look at some more phrases and see how we how it works so see when this is what we have been looking at so far when we look at the the two words the student we know that this is forming some kind of a group right because the the words like the are some to these are all in a when they precede now in in language like English when they precede the nouns like student book papers pens they seem to be forming a group and in that group the are some and two are called determiners the same thing you you just now somebody said articles it's the same thing articles are determiner together when when we have a determiner and a noun together they form the phrase which is called a noun phrase why do we call it a noun phrase so it should be simple what's the remember when we were looking at the word the fat monkey the phrase fat monkey what's the most important part of this phrase monkey right the the word that is most important part will head the whole phrase because rest of the components are related around it okay the has nothing to do with fat fat has nothing to do with the but both have something to do with monkey right so it's a there it is a head of a noun and therefore it's a noun phrase say similar things you see all the words are nouns therefore with the determiners the phrase that come up is a noun phrase clear I am going to show you the structure in a moment now look at this one what's this we now we see call the doctor I am sorry call the student you see the the the noun phrase is now in association with a verb right the focus changes what's the important part of this this this phrase word therefore it becomes a word phrase so a word phrase can have a noun phrase in it remember just now I was telling you that phrases are not independent entities phrases in a sentence are related to another one and this is how the the the whole combinatorial process in a sentence works this is how we build a sentence so the noun phrase is now part of a word phrase and the whole thing is called the word phrase by a book bring some papers give two pens okay now look at this one you have just seen on the roof you have just seen on the building of this building now see again we have a we still have those noun phrases that we started with like the students a book some papers two pens but instead of verbs we have something else now which is with from again with and by these words are prepositions we have we have talked about prepositions and post positions remember or not remember prepositions and post positions prepositions are some functional words in a language like English which precede the nouns if the similar type of element follows the noun they are called post positions right in a language like Hindi Tamil Telugu Canada Malayalam words like with from by they will be following nouns am I right right what's the word for from in Telugu how do we say from the book from a book what no Telugu speaker here lovely lovely so how do we say the whole word whole phrase from a book post the come runny runny okay so do you see that that word is following the word post a come it's it's never going to proceed the now therefore our languages are post positional languages doesn't change anything it's just the position of the functional element is different okay so now it becomes the fact that the whole NP is part of a part of a preposition so as long as we have we are only talking about NP that is noun phrase the head of that NP is a noun right but in a in a in a prepositional phrase the head of the whole thing is a preposition so when we say with the students in this phrase what's important what becomes important and what becomes head of the phrase is a preposition okay and then we will see what's the relationship between preposition and rest of the rest of the phrase in a moment so you have seen three three phrases right noun phrase word phrase and prepositional phrase likewise we could have more more phrases depending on the category right you also saw that what what's important part of a phrase is what is it that the whole thing whole story is revolving around such as the fat monkey the monkey is important because everything else is talking about monkey okay so the way it works is the following now let me show you something on the board so we see we have a we have a noun right this is a this is called a lexical item a lexical category right and then the moment it is it comes with a determiner right that the two things make a phrase all right which is to say and the phrase is a noun phrase which is to say if noun heads the phrase it's okay that it has a determiner but it but in a noun phrase could be formed even in the absence of a determiner okay that is so if we have to say the boy is a noun phrase and if we don't have this if you simply say boys right we with no determiner it's a still a noun phrase it's a still a noun phrase okay and I'm going to show you more of these stuff so what's the okay let's look at since we are talking about phrases let's let's first talk about phrase structure rules then you saw that we have a we get a we get a preposition here and then it becomes a prepositional phrase so we can say to the boy and it becomes a prepositional phrase right now you put another it gets a war and it becomes a war phrase okay so so far so here you have a noun phrase here you have a prepositional phrase right and now you have a war phrase so how do I close this thing should not be difficult so far now when we are talking about a war phrase it could have only a noun phrase it could have more than a noun phrase that is it may have more than one noun phrase it could also have a prepositional phrase or maybe two prepositional phrases right on the on the roof of this building it may have two prepositional phrases in it right jumping on the roof of this building the whole war phrase has a war phrase and two prepositional phrases right within the prepositional phrase you see a preposition a prepositional phrase on this building on on the roof the roof is a noun phrase and on the roof becomes a prepositional phrase we are talking about the same thing so far but this is not a sentence yet why this is not a sentence so far can we say this is a sentence now even if we know some sentences like imperative ones we can say give give the book to the boy it is a sentence now no it has it still has something missing from here which is another NP okay which is called okay which is now this is now this is a sentence are you with me understand this without this thing it is not a sentence now we can pick okay we can pick where what kind of an NP comes here but there has to be something here for this to get a sentence status and these are the things that that we have been talking about without these without this configuration so even when we do not say you and we just say give the book we mean that this is here okay we have we have a different sentence then something else happens so far now now let me draw your attention to something else you may have seen that the noun phrase becomes part of a prepositional phrase the whole prepositional phrase combines with the verb and becomes part of a verb phrase right but there is there isn't anything what we refer to as agreement okay that takes place only between these two right so if I say John give a book to the boy is that a good sentence John give a book to the boy is that a good sentence yes John give a book to the boy is this a good sentence some of you are saying yes sorry I mean so what basically what you are saying is your punctuation is correct we are saying John you give the book to the boy that's not what I am asking I am asking if I want to say John give a book to the boy is that a good sentence that's not how will that become a good sentence we need to do something here right so what is it missing actually the agreement is not correct that is singular noun singular subject there is no singular marker here or at least this doesn't doesn't reflect agreement properties taken care of so in the in the combinations of phrases the how phrases are combined with another phrase is one part agreement is another part which big which takes place between these two I don't think I'm talking about anything new we have already discussed this thing haven't we yes or no right so this is how we get a full sentence and this thing that that you see sentence NP VP right so we can see now we can simply say a sentence is basically a noun phrase and a word phrase is that true can we say this thing then if I have to expand this I can say a noun phrase is determinant and noun right a word phrase is if I have to give a description for this sentence a word phrase is what word plus preposition phrase right and a prepositional phrase is what preposition and noun phrase right I don't need to specify this again because it's already been specified this is called what you have what you have seen so far is components of a phrase and this is if you put a sentence this way this is called phrase structure rules okay and it will vary depending upon a sentence right for example for this sentence or this is structure that you see this rule takes care of everything it will vary but what is not going to vary is the is what makes a noun phrase what makes a word phrase what makes a prepositional phrase so a prepositional phrase is always going to have a preposition and noun phrase or it depends it may have something else also okay but looking at the prepositional phrase you can give a phrase structure rule right that is how I just wanted you to understand phrases and phrases structure rules is it is there any difficulty here for anyone no this doesn't solve everything okay in the sense that okay I will talk about what it doesn't solve little later these are these are rules describing a sentence describing a noun phrase describing a word phrase and a prepositional phrase but this doesn't tell give you structure in other words it doesn't tell us how different components of a sentence are hierarchically related in a sentence everything do not everything in a sentence doesn't have same status that is on a on a flat line we do see some from hierarchical stuff here but not every hierarchy is clear that is not every kind of relationship between object and the word and subject and the word is clear from this so for that we will talk about we will look at a structure and the reason why we are looking at a structure is structure tells us the hierarchical relations okay so what I am saying is look at this we have a determiner in a noun phrase and we have a noun if you are looking at the linear structure linear representation linear order then it looks like there are two components that is all right it doesn't tell you and we know because determiners talk about the noun so noun heads the phrase and it is it is more important than now than the determiner because determiner alone may not make a noun phrase these things these these generic descriptions are okay but this doesn't tell us the status of components within the phrase or when they combine with another phrase what's the status of this thing and then what becomes what what becomes the status of this noun phrase within this propositional phrase and why does it need to combine with it combine with that so these things are not clear from phrase structure rules are you with me what phrase structure rule simply tells us is it gives us a description it looks more fancy right it what we are looking here if you look at this this sentence sorry these rules right these rules are mere description of this sentence that's what I'm telling you do you follow this thing these rules are mere description of these this sentence what it does not do is how is it why is it that these two things need to combine and once they combine what becomes their status of a noun phrase the whole noun phrase within this propositional phrase is not clear okay of course once we so to absolutely there is an implicit hierarchy that preposition is more important and noun phrase is not important not not that important but then what's the relationship between the two we we can still what you're saying is we can capture the significance of something of a noun phrase within a wolf within a propositional phrase we can capture the significance of a prepositional phrase within a word phrase right or a noun phrase within the word phrase but it doesn't tell us what okay let me put it this way right now it doesn't tell us more with what other kinds of descriptions other kinds of explanation could tell you okay and I'm going to show you show you what are the things what are other things that are more important to explain a sentence okay that that that's what I'm talking about probably it's it's hard to talk about what it doesn't do without describing what what we get to do with other other kinds of explanation so so please keep this these phrase structure rules in mind so that we can compare what was what what are the things that this doesn't do right now before we dismiss this thing we have just seen that and we are we we are not going to dismiss in the sense that it has no meaning now we are not saying that it has no meaning it nicely describes a sentence and what it also does is it gives you the framework for generating lots of sentences for example this is the phrase structure for a sentence so all the sentences are going to have the same same phrases structure okay as far as we are concerned here all the sentences are going to have this then we when all the noun phrases are going to have this all the prepositional phrases are going to have this and all the verb phrases are going to have this whether all of them are needed in a sentence or not is not a restriction a sentence may have simply an noun phrase and a verb phrase right and it may end here with or it just may end here a sentence may not have a prepositional phrase at all now the point is phrase structure rules help us generate lot of lot of more and new sentences phrase structure rules were also part of our part of generative generative framework so once in in the earlier days of this this study this was very prominent when people had not figured out more by now lot more lot lot more things have been figured out and we are going to talk about other stuff okay so see instead of representing these things in terms of rules later on what happened was these things were represented in terms of structural configuration so look at this how it works so the structure of a phrase is this way and then we will we will stop each for the structure the branching is always going to be binary okay the branching is always going to be binary so here is your determiner and bear with me because we want to keep the structure only binary so there was an intermediate category created okay and then we have let me let me put it this way for a moment are you are you with me do you see see this is a structure we are we are almost doing the same thing here we are almost trying to do the same thing but we are putting this thing in terms of structural configuration for that is structure the branching is only and always binary okay so we can say we can see we can we could have also said that look determiner and noun here end of this story right but if we do that then this let us let us put it here if we do this right then there is no other way for expanding this phrase okay no other way to expand this phrase this is this becomes a closed phrase what this kind of to in order to expand this phrase an intermediate category was created this is called n prime or n bar okay it helps us branch further and this becomes the head position in a phrase so this position is called where where we get is a specifier sorry where we get determiner this position is called specifier position in which we get determiner this position is called head position in which we get the main component of the phrase and this position is called a compliment position okay so the idea is in retaining the head of the phrase we need to have these two things give me give me couple of more minutes to show you why and how okay now look at the also this is going to be the the blueprint of structure of phrases we talk about any phrase whether we are talking about a prepositional phrase we are talking about a war phrase we are talking about entire sentence okay this is going to be the structure of a phrase in every phrase we are going to have a specifier and head and a compliment in every phrase we are going to have specifier head and a compliment okay now if we want to look now we want to look at a prepositional phrase okay a prepositional phrase how do we represent a prepositional phrase in this structure right but okay first you are right that it we will add here too but we will see that addition in a moment just give me give it to me here is this clear that by binary branching in this term is not giving us expanding freedom therefore an intermediate category so that we can branch further let me show you a prepositional phrase so this is how a prepositional phrase works remember this is a blueprint of a phrase so we are going to have specifier and here we are going to have what P prime right and then P and this place is going to be for compliment okay so what's the what's the purpose in this phrase to the boy what's the preposition to so that comes here heading the phrase in the the boy we have the and boy right we had a determinant that is the specifier in the prepositional phrase you don't have a specifier so this position stays empty we have a head preposition comes here and then the in the compliment position we have an NP which is the boy the boy right now this NP position is going to be expanded again this way this I think this is what you were talking about it will add so if you bring this NP position here then you see the structure of a prepositional phrase see this thing now this kind of addition or expansion will not be possible if we didn't have this intermediate category so I am I am purposely emphasizing on this intermediate category since so the sole reason for this intermediate category to bring in hypothetically a space for retaining binary branching and creating a space for further addition right I will talk about the nature and the relationship between head and the compliment and head and the spec specifier in a day or so but right now I only want you to see that the structural conflict is in a structural representation the configuration is always binary the branching is always binary we retain it by introducing an intermediate category we have a phrase and we have a category you see this we have a category preposition and then we have a phrase prepositional phrase this thing is not really needed this doesn't mean anything but we created this thing just to retain binary branching and then what is more important is the relationship between specifier and head and head and compliment this gives you this kind of hierarchy and relationship comes becomes clearer and the discussion becomes more relevant when we look at these relations final thing which we will and this is where we will start from tomorrow the blueprint is always like this phrase intermediate category and head compliment and sorry specifier and the compliment and whether we are talking about a noun phrase or a prepositional phrase since it is going to retain this way a word phrase will work exactly like this way so this whole phrase whole structural representation of phrase is called X bar theory X bar theory since it is a one prime so sometimes this this thing is equated as two prime okay so when you put two primes it means MP so the idea is 0 1 2 whether we say NP or N double bar it is the same thing so this this whole structural notion the whole notion of a structural representation is called X bar theory because in that X you can put any any category and get the structure more on this tomorrow we have a class waiting please look at this thing please look at this thing it is it is in the first chapter of the book now now we are we have moved or you have moved from introduction the whole thing is described in that book too okay.


Well, five men have been charged with furnishing alcohol to individuals under the age of 21, in connection with a large party that was held in Bemidji on the night, a 19-year-old man fell to his death from a high-rise dorm at BSU. Bryce Peter Mattson, Jack William Matheson, Aaron Elliott Troublehorn, Zachary Charles Morse, and Jordan Trowbridge Swan are each charged with two counts of gross misdemeanor furnishing alcohol to a person under the age of 21. Each count carries a maximum penalty of a year in jail and a $3,000 fine. An investigation into the party began after Isaac John Morse of Coquedo fell to his death from the seventh floor of Tamarack Hall earlier in the morning on September 30. Morse's fall came after attending the party where the alcoholic beverages were provided. The criminal complaint alleges that Mattson, Matheson, and Troublehorn pooled funds to obtain kegs of beer for the party and sold cups for access to the beer. The criminal complaint also alleges that Morse and Swan purchased the kegs for the party and provided the location to hold the party.


That's how it's done folks. I've been giving you the secret for 10 years now. That's not really, but you know, you know I mean so um just continue to work Believe in yourself and anything's possible. I just uh, you know keep smashing records So that's fun and then days like these I like to say thank you. Let's go. Let's just continue to go


Hi, this is Dr. Urschel and I'm very happy to announce the first and only fully elemental diet that is available without a doctor's recommendation. Elemental diets, hypoallergenic meal replacements can be a very powerful tool for IBS and SIBO, including gas, abdominal pain, constipation, diarrhea, loose stools, but also for joint pain and even for inflammatory bowel disease. And sadly, up until now, if a patient wanted to do a fully elemental diet, they'd have to do it through a doctor's office. And I'm very pleased that we were able to bring to market a fully elemental diet that does not require a doctor's recommendation. What is special and unique about elemental diets? Well, firstly, they are hypoallergenic, meaning they are devoid of common irritants that can inflame and potentially damage your gut. Secondly, they are anti-inflammatory because of this. Thirdly, the contents are predigested, meaning the proteins are broken down, the carbohydrates are broken down, there is little to no fiber. And why this is helpful is because it can starve bacteria and fungal overgrowth in the gut. And this can actually be a very helpful and healing thing for those who have intestinal inflammation and in balances in intestinal bacteria and fungus. This ties into, then answering the question, why are these elemental diets helpful? Well, firstly, elemental diets reduce your exposure to food stuffs that could be irritating the gut and therefore causing inflammation. Secondly, because the ingredients are predigested, this is akin to giving your gut a break or a chance to rest, because now your gut doesn't have to work so hard to break down all the food, it can actually focus on repair and regeneration. Think of it as if you had sprained your ankle, your ankle can heal, but it'd be very hard for your ankle to heal if you were running three miles every day. So the same parallel here holds where your gut oftentimes can heal if we can allow it a chance to rest. And elemental diets have been documented in the published literature to reduce SIBO or small intestinal bacterial overgrowth. And I actually suspect the same thing is true for fungus because the way these elemental diets work is the nutrients in them are absorbed within the first few feet of your small intestine. So the entirety or the remainder, the majority of the small intestine and the large intestine don't have to work to process and digest these foods and it also deprives the bacteria and fungus in the intestinal tract of the foods they need to survive. And there is a robust amount of documentation showing that elemental diets can actually reduce inflammation. And in brief what does the evidence here show? What is the science based recommendation? Well if you scroll down on this page you'll be able to see a synopsis of the data but thankfully there are a handful of trials that have shown the ability to one remarkable study to decrease gastrointestinal symptoms as well as decrease SIBO. One study finding that the elemental diet can actually be as effective as prednisone for reducing the joint pain in rheumatoid arthritis. And a number of studies in inflammatory bowel disease showing that the digestive tract inflammation and autoimmunity that's a part of that disease can actually be very very nicely attenuated by the use of an elemental diet. And elemental diets thankfully can be used in a variety of applications. The simplest way may be to use these as a meal replacement. So on some mornings or most mornings if you're especially if you're on the go you can sip on one of these shakes during breakfast and that can give your gut a chance to rest, heal and to starve some of these overgrowth. Now you could also do this as a mini gut reset where you use these liquid diets exclusively for anywhere from two to four days. And all the way at the other end of the spectrum and this is what's been published in some of the peer reviewed literature you could be exclusively on elemental diet nutrition for anywhere up to two weeks. So there's a lot of options at your disposal.  But the good news here is if this is used at minimal as a meal replacement or all the way up as a kind of maximal approach for two weeks exclusively, there are options and you should be able to find an option along this array here that fits for your motivation level and for your level of severity. So if you have not yet trialed a elemental diet I would highly recommend it and thankfully we have a assortment of various elemental diet formulas to help you find the exact one that fits best for you. Low carb, way free, traditional which would be with the use of whey protein and an assortment of different flavors. And if you have not yet given this a trial it's something that is certainly worth a shot because it can be quite helpful especially if you feel like you haven't been able to get your gut fully healed. This can for some cases be what gets you over the hump.