Chapter 30 of Heroes of the Middle Ages. In the days of Marco Apollo, Venice was one of the richest and most powerful cities in Europe, and nowhere else, perhaps, could one see so many magnificent palaces and churches. Venice had shrewd merchants, daring sailors, and many ships, and it was chiefly through the enormous trade which she had built up with the East that she had grown so wealthy. Among the most enterprising of the Venetian merchants were the father and uncle of Marco Apollo. Indeed, when Marco was a little boy, he used to hear stories of his father and his uncle that must have seemed to him almost like fairy tales. They went away from Venice to make a voyage to Constantinople. The little boy's friend said, and in Constantinople they bought a great quantity of rich jewelry. We think they must have gone into the unknown countries of Asia to trade, perhaps even into China, where the great Khan lives. When the boy was about fourteen, his father came home, and then he had stories to tell indeed. He had gone far into Asia, had sold the jewelry brought from Constantinople, had been at the court of the great Kublai Khan, ruler of China, and now he and his brother had come back to Italy with a message from the Khan to the Pope. He showed the boy the Khan's golden tablets, which he had given to the brothers. The royal sifa was engraved upon them, and a command that wherever in the Khan's domain the brothers might go, his subjects should receive them with honour, and should provide them with whatever they needed. The brothers were going back to China, and now the boy was happy, for his father promised that he might go with them. Then they made a long, leisurely journey from Venice to Constantinople, and across Asia to China. They traveled through fertile valleys and sandy deserts, over stony mountains and through gloomy passes. They saw strange birds and fruits and peoples. They visited handsome cities, and lonely tribes that had no settled homes. It was a slow journey. In one place the sickness of the young Marco delayed them for many months. Sometimes they had to wait for company before they could venture through dangerous countries. Once they had to go far out of their way to avoid passing through a region where two tribes were waging war. At length they came within 40 miles of the home of the great Kublai Khan, ruler of China. Here they were met by a large escort, sent out by the Khan, and were brought into the city with every mark of honour that could be shown them. The Khan took a strong liking to the young Marco, and gave him a position in the royal household. The young man put on the Chinese dress, adopted the Chinese manners and customs, and learned the four languages that were most used in the country. The Khan was delighted with him, and often gave him a golden tablet, and sent him off on a journey, so that on his return he could describe to him the wonderful things that he had seen. Marco's father and uncle were also given positions in the Khan's service, and by his generosity they soon became exceedingly wealthy. China was not home, however, even after they had lived in that country for many years, and they longed to see their own Venice. They begged the Khan to allow them to return.  Do you want money or jewels? I will give you twice as much as you now have, but I care for you too much to let you go away from me. Without the Khan's tablets the journey would be impossible, and the Polos began to fear they would never see their home again. Some months before this, the ruler of Persia had sent an embassy to beg that a granddaughter of the great Khan might become his wife. The princess and her suit set off for Persia, but the way lay through a country that was at war, and they had to return. The Persian ambassadors, however, had been away from Persia three years, and they did not dare to remain longer at the Chinese court. Just then Marco Polo arrived on a voyage to some of the islands of the coast. The idea occurred to the ambassadors that they might take ship and go by water to the Persian Gulf at less expense and with greater safety than by the overland way. They talked with the Polos and found that they would be only too glad to go with them. Then they begged the Khan to allow the three Venetians, who were experienced sailors, to escort them. The Khan was not pleased, but he finally heuded. He gave the Polos his golden tablets, loaded them down with presents of Julie, and they and the ambassadors and the fair young princess sailed away with a fleet of fourteen vessels, furnished with stores and provisions for two years. It was twenty-one months before they came to Persia. The Polos rested a year in the leisurely fashion of those days, then returned, not to China, but to Venice, having been absent twenty-four years. At Venice there had been rumors long before that the famous travelers were dead. They were of course greatly changed, and they spoke Italian rather stiffly and clearly. It was hard to believe that these foreign-looking men, in their long, rough tartar coats, could be the members of the wealthy family of Polo. They had some trouble in getting possession of their own palace, and even after they had succeeded, many thought they were ambassadors. The story is told that to convince these doubting friends, they invited them to a magnificent banquet. After the feast the coarse, threadbare coats were brought in and quickly ripped open. There rolled out such a store of rubies and emeralds and diamonds and sapphires, as the bewildered guests had never seen. The whole room blazed and sparkled with them. For the sake of safety on the dangerous journey, the Polos had brought their immense wealth in this form. Then the guests were convinced that the three men were not imposters, and they were treated with the utmost respect. War broke out between Venice and Genoia, and Marco Polo was put in command of a warship. He was taken prisoner by the Genoese, and it was while he was in prison that he dictated to a gentleman of Genoia the stories of his travels. All Genoia became interested, and their famous prisoner was soon set free. Copies of his book in manuscript went everywhere. Some doubted its truth, and when the author was on his deathbed, they begged him to take back the parts of it that they thought must be exaggerated. There is now exaggeration in the book, he declared. On the contrary, I have not told half the amazing things that I saw with my own eyes. CHAPTER 31 OF HEROES OF THE MIDDLE AGES This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. HEROES OF THE MIDDLE AGES by ever-march-tapin CHAPTER 31 FRANCESCO PETRACH AND THE REVIVAL OF LEARNING Hundreds of thousands of men returned from the crusades with their minds full of new ideas. They had seen the distant countries of the East with their mountains, rivers, plains and seas. In the great cities they had gazed upon hundreds of handsome buildings, different from anything in their own lands. Many of the French, German and English crusaders had gone to an east to take ship to cross the Mediterranean. And there they had seen most superb structures of coloured marble. The outside of the Venetian palaces was generally adorned with bas-relief, and the groundwork was often coloured a deep-rich blue, while the sculpture was covered with gold leaf. Moreover, the crusaders had learned that their own ways of living were not always the best and most comfortable. They had found that there were kinds of food and materials for clothing better than those to which they had been accustomed, that there were beautiful furnishings for houses of which they had never dreamed. Having seen such things or heard of them, people wished to buy them. The cities about the Adriatic Sea, especially Venice and Genoa, were ready to supply all these newly discovered needs. Long before this, the Venetians had driven the pirates from the Adriatic and had claimed the sea as their own. To symbolise this victory they had a poetical custom. Every ascension day the dodge, or ruler of the city, sailed out in a vessel most magnificently decorated, and with the most amount of ceremony dropped a golden ring into the water to indicate that the city had become the bride of the sea. Venice had built ships and carried the armies of crusaders across the water. She had gained stations on the eastern shore of the Adriatic, and might fairly claim to rule the whole sea. She had used her ships for other purposes, however, than carrying armies, for she had an enormous trade, as we have said, in the beautiful things that were made in the distant lands of the east. She brought home cargoes of rich tapestries and silks, jewels, glassware, and most exquisite pieces of work in iron and gold and animal. Her workmen copied them and found in them hints and suggestions for other work. These things were carried over Europe, and even to far away England. The crusades not only taught people about other lands and other customs, but they taught them to wish to see more of the world, to know what men of other countries were doing, and thinking. People began to have more interest in what was written in books. They had thought that a man insisting armor, carrying a sword and a lens, and set upon a horse, was the ideal hero. Now they began to have a glimmering idea that the man, who had noble thoughts and could put them into noble words, was greater than the man with the sword. The most famous scholar of the age was an Italian poet called Petrarch. Even as a boy he loved the writings of the early Latin and Greek authors. His father wished him to become a lawyer, and the boy listened to some lectures on law. But all the while he was saving his money to buy the works of Cicero and Virgil. His father threw the precious manuscripts into the fire. But when he saw the grief of the boy, he snatched them out again. Thus Petrarch slowly won his way to being a poet and scholar. He became a great collector of manuscripts, especially of the Greek and Roman writers. And moreover, he showed people how to study them. Before his day, even students had felt that if two copies of an author's work did not agree, one was unlikely to be correct as the other. Petrarch taught people to compare manuscripts to study them, and so learn whether one was copied from another, or whether those in existence had all been copied from some older writing that was lost. Princes, another great man of Italy, admired his poetry and showed him much respect. But there were two special honors for which he longed. One was to be crowned a poet by the Roman senate. The other was to wear a similar crown in Paris. On one happy September day, invitations to receive both these crowns came to him. He had always thought that it was wrong for a man not to make the most of himself. And even when he was seventy, he did not think of giving up work. His physician said, you must rest. But instead of resting, he engaged five or six secretaries and worked as hard as ever. One morning he was found in his library, his head lying on an open book. He was dead. His influence, however, did not die. Others, too, began to collect the long-forgotten manuscripts of the Greek and Roman authors. They searched monasteries and churches and made many copies of the precious writings. Italy was all alive with the interest and the great works of the ancient writers. The Italian students thought wistfully of the manuscripts that must be stored away in Greece. They did not know how soon they would be able to read them for themselves and without leaving their own country. Thus it was that, although the crusaders did not win Jerusalem, and though the holy city is even today in the hands of the Mohammedans, yet the crusaders did much to encourage commerce, to give people new ideas on many subjects, and to prepare them to receive the knowledge that was coming to them slowly from the east. End of Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Of Heroes of the Middle Ages This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Heroes of the Middle Ages by ever March 10. Chapter 32 The Fall of Constantinople While the Italian scholars were wishing that they had more of the precious old manuscripts, there were exciting times in the country known as Turkey in Europe. This country had been part of the Eastern Empire even after the fall of Rome in 476, but it had come to be so little Roman and so completely Greek that it is spoken of as the Greek or Byzantine Empire. It was destined, however, to belong to neither Romans nor Greeks, for the Mohammedans were pressing hard upon its boundaries. They had won Asia Minor and the lands lying directly south of the Danube. Gradually they got Greece, north of the Isthmus, into their power, and in 1453, Mohammed II led the Ottoman Turks, who were of the same race as Attila and his Huns, against the capital of the Eastern Empire, the great rich city of Constantinople. Gunpowder had been invented before this time, but the cannons were small. When the great Turkish gun fired its heavy stone balls, men and women rushed into the streets, beating their breasts and crying aloud, God have mercy upon us. Day after day the besiegers continued the attack. They used arrows and catapults for throwing stones. They wielded a two-story tower, covered with hides near enough to the city, so that archers in the second story could shoot at the defenders on the walls. But the Greeks threw their famous Greek fire upon it, and it was consumed. Both parties dug mines. Sometimes these were blown up, sometimes the workers in them were suffocated by smoke or gas. Finally the Turks dug a narrow canal, five miles long from the sea of Marmora to the harbor of Constantinople. They paved it with beams, well greased, and one morning the Greeks found 30 Turkish ships lying almost under their walls, for the oxen of the Turks had dragged them to the shore during the night. Then the people of the city were in despair, and begged their emperor to escape and flee for his life, but he refused.  When it was seen that the city must fall, thousands of the citizens crowded into the vast church of Saint Sophia, for there was an old prophecy that some days the Turks would force their way into the city, but that when they had reached Saint Sophia, an angel would appear with a celestial sword, and that at sight of it the Turks would flee. The emperor kneeled down in prayer, received the Holy Communion, and then begged the priests and all the members of his court to forgive him if he had ever wronged them. The sobs and wails of the people echoed in the great building. The Turks made their way without hindrance into the city. They did not stop at the church, and no angel brought a miraculous weapon to drive them back. The emperor fell, sword in hand, fighting to the last for his empire and the Christian face. The Turkish commander gave over the city to his soldiers, and they stole everything worth stealing. Wonderful treasures of gold, silver, bronze, and jewels. Thousands of citizens were roughly bound together and dragged off to the boats to be sold as slaves. The cross was torn down from beautiful Saint Sophia, and the crescent, the emblem of Mohammedanism, was put in its place. The emperor's body, however, was buried by the Turks with all honour. A lamp was lighted at his grave. It is still kept burning, and at the charge of the Turkish government. This was commanded by the Turkish ruler as a mark of respect and regard for Constantine paleologos, the last Christian emperor in the empire of the east. At the coming of the Turks, many of the Greeks had seized their most valued treasures and fled. The scholars carried away with them the rare old manuscripts of the early Greek writers. More went to Italy than everywhere else, and the Italian scholars gave them a hearty welcome. There had been learned Greeks in Italy long before this time, and the Italian scholars had been interested in the Greek literature. But now such a wealth of it was poured into the country that the Italians were aroused and delighted. They read the manuscripts eagerly, they sent copies to their friends, and gradually a knowledge of the literature of the Greeks and a love for it spread throughout Europe. End of chapter 32 Chapter 33 of Heroes of the Middle Ages This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Heroes of the Middle Ages by Evermarch Tappan Chapter 33 John Gutenberg Invents Printing The fall of Constantinople had brought the Greek scholars with their manuscripts to Italy, but it would have been a long while before even the most learned men of Western Europe could have read the writings. Had not a German named John Gutenberg been working away for many years, trying to invent a better process of making books, than the slow, tiresome method of copying them by hand, letter by letter. When Gutenberg was a boy, this was the way in which all books were made. Moreover, they were generally written on parchment, and this added to the expense. The result was that a book was a costly article, and few people could afford to own one. When Gutenberg became a young man, a way of making books was invented, which people thought was the most wonderful improvement. For each page the printer took a block of fine-grained wood, drew upon it whatever picture he was to print, then cut the wood away, leaving the outlines of the picture. By inking this and pressing it upon the paper he could print a page. Only one side of the paper was used, and so every pair of leaves had to be pasted together. At first only pictures were printed, but after a while some lettering was also done. Such books were called block books. Many were printed in this way with pictures, illustrating Bible history, and these were known as poor man's Bibles. Although the block books were much less expensive than the books written by hand, still they were by no means cheap. It was long, slow work to cut a block for each page, and after as many books had been printed as were needed, the blocks were of no further use. Gutenberg wondered whether there was not some better way to print a book. He pondered and dreamed over the matter and made experiments. At last the idea which he thought came to him. An idea so simple that it seemed strange no one had thought of it sooner. It was only to cut each letter on a separate piece of wood, form their letters into words, bind them together the shape and size of a page, print as many copies as were desired, then separate the letters and use them in other books till they were worn out. Here was the great invention, but it was a long way from this beginning to a well printed book. Now people began to wonder what Gutenberg could be working at so secretly. In those days everything that was mysterious was thought to be witchcraft, so the inventor, in order to avoid any such charge, made himself a workshop in a deserted monastery outside of the town. He had yet to learn how to make his types of metal, how to fasten them together firmly in forms, how to put on just enough ink, and how to make a press. At length he carried through a great undertaking. He printed a Latin Bible. This was completed in 1455 and was the first Bible ever printed. But Gutenberg was in trouble. He had not had the money needed to carry on his work without help, and he had been obliged to take a partner by the name of John Faust. Faust was disappointed in not making as much money as he had expected. The Bible had taken longer to complete and had cost more than Gutenberg had calculated, and at length Faust brought a suit to recover what he had lent. The judge decided in his favor and everything that the inventor owned went to him. Gutenberg was left to begin again. Nevertheless he went unbravely with his printing, trying all the time to print better and better. By and by the elector Adolfos of Nassau gave him a pension.  He died in 1468, but the art of printing lived. Printing presses could hardly be set up fast enough for every country wanted them. England, France, Holland, Germany had presses within a few years after the death of Gutenberg. The Jews carried one to Constantinople, and a century later even Russia had one. So it was that the knowledge of printing spread over Europe. Of course, those old Greek manuscripts were printed and sent from country to country. A Venetian printer named Aldo Manutio issued especially accurate and well-made copies, which became known as the Aldine editions. The Crusades had aroused people and made them ready and eager to learn. Now they found in the ancient writings of the Greeks and Romans nobler poems, more dignified histories, and more brilliant orations that they had known before. By this new learning, as it was called, men were stimulated to think. They felt as if they were brighter and keener than they used to be, as if they were not their old slow dual selves, but were becoming quick and clear-minded. They felt so much as if they had just been born into a new, fresh world, that the name Renaissance, or new birth, has been given to this period. Heroes of the Middle Ages by Eva March Tappen Chapter 34 Columbus discovers America The Crusades, the Renaissance, the invention of printing, and the travels of Marco Polo in the East had set people to thinking about matters in the great world beyond the limits of their own little villages or towns. India was especially attractive to many. The reason was that Europeans had learned to demand the spices and silks and cottons and jewels of the East. The old way of bringing these to Europe was up the Red Sea and across the Mediterranean to Venice, or through the Black Sea, past Constantinople, and through the Mediterranean to Genoa. Now that the Turks held Constantinople, communication with the East was made very difficult. Just as people were beginning to desire Eastern luxuries, it became more and more difficult to obtain them, and the nation that could find the shortest way to India would soon be possessed of untold wealth. One man who was thinking most earnestly about India was named Christopher Columbus. He was born in Genoa and had been at sea most of his life since he was fourteen. He had read and studied and thought until he was convinced that the world was round, and that the best way to reach China and Japan was not to make the very same overland journey through Asia, but to sail directly west across the Atlantic. He had asked the city of Genoa to provide money for the expedition, and he had also asked the king of Portugal, but to no purpose. Finally he appealed to Ferdinand and Isabella, king and queen of Spain. This was why, towards the end of the 15th century, a company of learned Spaniards met together at Salamanca to listen to the schemes of a simple unknown Italian sailor. Columbus told them what he believed. Then they brought forward their objections. A ship might possibly reach India in that way, said one gravely, but she could never sail uphill and come home again. If the world is round and people are on the opposite side, they must hang by their feet and with their heads down, declared another scornfully. Another objection was that such an expedition as Columbus proposed would be expensive. Moreover, he demanded the title of admiral of whatever lands he might discover, and one tenth of all precious stones, gold, silver, spices and other merchandise that should be found in these lands. This was not because he was greedy for money, but he had conceived the notion of winning this holy sepulchre at Jerusalem from the Turks, and to do this would require an enormous fortune. Columbus had formed a noble scheme, but there seemed small hopes that it would be carried out by Spanish aid, for the Spaniards were waging an important war with the Moors or Mohammedans. The Moors had a kingdom in the south of Spain containing a number of cities. In the capital Granada was the palace and fortress of the Alhambra, a wonderfully beautiful structure, even in ruins as it is today. Granada was captured, but even then the Spaniards seemed to have no time to listen to Columbus. At length he made up his mind to leave Spain and go for aid to the king of France. With his little son Diego he started out on food. The child was hungry, and so they stopped at the gate of the convent of Larabida, near the town of Palos, Spain, to beg for the food that was never refused away for us. The prior, who was a student of geography. He heard the ideas of Columbus, put faith in them, and invited some of his learned friends to meet the stranger. Spain must not lose the honour of such an enterprise, the prior declared, and he even went himself to the queen. He had once been her confessor, and she greeted him kindly. King Ferdinand did not believe in the undertaking, but the queen became sorely interested in it. She was queen of Aragon by her marriage to Ferdinand, but she was queen of Castile in her own right, and she exclaimed, I undertake the enterprise for my own crown of Castile, and will pledge my juice to raise the necessary funds. Thus, after eighteen years delay, the way opened for Columbus, and he set sail from Palos with three small vessels. But even after they were at sea, Columbus must have felt as if his troubles were just begun, for his sailors were full of fears. They were not cowards, but no one they thought had ever crossed the Atlantic, and there were legions that in one place it was swarming with monsters, and that in another the water boiled with intense heat. There was real danger also from the jealous Portuguese, for it was rumoured that they had sent out vessels to capture Columbus little fleet. It is small wonder that the sailors were dismayed by the fires of the volcanic peak of Tenerife, but they were almost equally alarmed by every little occurrence. The mass of a wrecked vessel floated by, and they feared it was a sign that their vessel too would be wrecked. After a while the magnetic needle ceased to point to the North Star, and they were filled with dread lest they should lose their way on the waste ocean. One night a brilliant meteor appeared, and then they were sure that destruction was at hand. The good east wind was sweeping them gently along, but even that worried them, for they feared it would never alter, and how could they go home? Some of them had begun to whisper together of throwing Columbus our board, when one day they saw land birds and floating weeds, and finally a glimmering light. Then the sailors were as eager to press onward as their leader. Early on the following morning land appeared. Columbus veering his brilliant scarlet robes and veering the standard of Spain was road ashore. He fell upon his knees and kissed the ground, thanking God most heartily for his care. Then he took possession of the land for Spain. The natives gathered around, and he gave them bells and glass beads. He supposed that of course he was just off the coast of India, and as he had reached the place by sailing west, he called it the West Indies, and the people Indians. The island itself he named San Salvador. It is thought to have been one of the Pajamas. He spent some little time among the islands, always hoping to come upon the wealthy cities of the Great Khan. At length he returned to Spain, dreaming of future voyages that he would make. When he reached Palos the bells were rung, and people gave up their business to celebrate the wonderful voyage and the safe return. Columbus made three other journeys across the ocean, hoping every time to find the rich cities of the east. His enemies claimed that he had mismanaged a colony that had been founded in the New World. Another governor was sent out, and he threw the great admiral into chains. Ferdinand and Isabella were indignant when they were new of this outrage, but yet they could not help being disappointed that China had not been found. Neither they nor Columbus dreamed that he had discovered a new continent, and even if they had known it, they would have much preferred finding a way to trade with the distant east. Chapter 35 Of Heroes of the Middle Ages This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Heroes of the Middle Ages by Ever-March-Tappan. Chapter 35 Vasco da Gama Reaches India by Rounding Africa We have seen that Portugal missed the honor of sending out Columbus, although the people of that age scarcely realized that it was an honor. Six years after he crossed the Atlantic Ocean, a Portuguese sailor named Vasco da Gama made a voyage that was looked upon as being of far more importance, because it opened the way for trade with the Far East, for which merchants had been longing. He reached India by sailing around Africa. Navigators were already familiar with the western coast of Africa, and a few years earlier one of them had doubled the Cape of Good Hope, but of what lay beyond little was known. Vasco da Gama, therefore, had been chosen by the king of Portugal to sail down the western coast, round the Cape of Good Hope, and then sail north up the eastern coast. When the day of departure had come, da Gama and the men of the fleet and the courtiers all went down to the water's edge. The ships were ablaze with flags and standards. A farewell salute was fired, and the vessels floated down the river of Lisbon and out into the open sea. On the voyage there were tempests and stormy winds, and the sea was rough day and night. When at last they thought that they must have sailed as far south as the southern point of Africa, they steered directly east. At last the shore soon came in sight. There is no end to the land, declared the sailors. It goes straight across the ocean. Stand out to sea, commanded da Gama. Trust in the Lord, and we will double the Cape. On they went. The days grew shorter, the nights grew longer, and the cold rains fell constantly. Now the ships began to leak, and the men could never cease pumping. There was so little hope of safety that they no longer code upon God to save their lives, but bade him to have mercy upon their souls. In the midst of all the distress, da Gama strode about the ship, angry and fearless. If we do not double the Cape this time, he declared, we will stand out to sea again, and we will stand out as many times until the Cape is doubled, or until whatever may please God has come to pass. By and by the sea grew calm, the wind moderated, and however far they went to the east, no land was in sight. Then they knew that they had doubled the Cape. They were full of joy, and they praised the Lord, who had delivered them from death. The Christmas season was at hand, which the Portuguese called Natal. They gave this name to the part of the coast of which they lay, and it has been so cold ever since that time. After the shattered vessels had been repaired, da Gama sailed onward up the coast of Africa, as far as Melinda. There he found a native pilot who guided his ships across the Indian Ocean to Calicut, in Hindustan. After many adventures he returned to Portugal. The king gave him generous rewards, made him a noble, and bade that holiday should be celebrated in his honour throughout the kingdom. Da Gama made two other voyages to India. On one of these he led a fleet of 12 ships, and brought them back, richly laden with spices and silks and ivory and precious stones. Finally he was made Viceroy of India, and there he lived in much luxury and magnificence until his death. For time the voyages of Columbus were almost forgotten. Vasco da Gama had found the way to India, and several countries of Europe, especially Portugal, were becoming rich by their trade with the East. What more could be asked? End of Chapter 35, Chapter 36 of Heroes of the Middle Ages. This is the LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Heroes of the Middle Ages by Evermarch Tappan. Chapter 36, Ferdinand Magellan leads first voyage around the world. When the year 1519 had come, people knew much more about the world that had been known 30 years earlier. Other voyagers had followed Columbus. Vasco da Gama had sailed around Africa, and shown that it was quite possible to reach India by that method. Several other bold mariners had crossed the Atlantic, and explored different parts of the American coast. One had crossed the Isthmus of Darien, and had seen the Pacific Ocean. It was known therefore that there was land from Labrador to Brazil, but no one guessed how far to the west it extended. Most people thought that the islands visited by Columbus, and probably the lands north of them, lay off the coast of China. No one had been around South America, but even those who thought it to be a great mass of land, supposed that somewhere there was a strait leading through it to the Chinese waters. No one guessed to divide Pacific Ocean lay between this land and China, for no one had yet carried out Columbus' plan of reaching India by sailing west. This however was just what a bold navigator named Ferdinand Magellan was hoping to do. He was a Portuguese, but his own king would not send out the expedition he was planning. Therefore he entered the service of the king of Spain. This daring sailor did not know any better than others how far South America might extend to the sourceboard, but he promised the king that he would follow the coast until he came to some strait that led through the land to the Chinese seas. He was not going merely to make discoveries, he meant to bring home whole shiploads of spices. He knew how cheaply they could be bought of the natives, and he expected to make fortunes for the king and for himself. No one knew how long the voyage would take, but the ships were provisioned for two years. They carried also all kinds of weapons and vast quantities of bells and knives and red clothes, and small-looking glasses, which they intended to exchange for spices with the natives. The vessels crossed the Atlantic and sailed into the mouth of the Rio de la Plata. Then everyone was hopeful. This must be a strait, they thought, and we are almost at our journey's end. They sailed cheerfully upstream for two days. Then their hopes fell, for the water grew more fresh every hour, and therefore they knew that they were in the river, so they turned back and continued their voyage along the coast. By and by they came to another opening. This might be the passage, and Magalans sent two of the ships to explore it. When they returned, there was rejoicing indeed, for the captains reported that at last a deep channel had been found. This was surely the passage to the seas of China. But the ships were shattered and food was scanty. Since the passage had been found, why not return to Spain? The following season they could set out with new strong vessels and a good supply of food. So said some of the captains and pilots, but others felt that the hardest part of the voyage was over. China must be close at hand, and they might just as well go home with shiploads of gloves and other spices. On Magalans went, through the straits later named after him, into the calm blue ocean, so quiet that he called it the Pacific. He sailed on and on. When he entered this ocean he had food for only three months, and two months had passed. Now the explorers had no choice about turning back, for they had no provisions for a homeward voyage, and their only hope was that by keeping on they might come to the shores of India. At length they did reach a little island, but it had neither water nor fruit. They came to a group of islands, and these they named the Ladrons or Thieves Islands, because the natives stole everything that they could lay their hands upon. Then they landed at the Philippines, and here was plenty of fruit, oranges, bananas and coconuts. They were now in the land of clothes, but unfortunately Magalans agreed to help one native chief against his enemies, and in the fighting that followed he was slain. The little fleet had at first consisted of five vessels, what one had deserted, one had been wrecked, one had been burned as unseen worthy, and one had fallen into the hands of the Portuguese. The Victoria, the only one that remained, pressed on to the Molokas, and when she sailed away she had such a cargo as no vessel had brought before, for besides all that the men had bought for themselves, she carried 26 tons of clothes. From some of the other islands they took ginger and sandalwood, then they crossed the Indian Ocean and rounded Africa. They stopped to buy food at the Cape Verde Islands, and here they were astounded to find, that while they called the day Wednesday, the people of the islands called it Thursday. They had travelled west with the sun, and so had lost the day. At length they reached Spain, and there they received a royal reception. After Magalans' death, Sebastian Del Cano had become captain. The courage and perseverance that had made the voyage possible belonged to Magalans, but he was dead, and the rewards went to Del Cano. He was made a noble, and for a coat of arms he was given a globe with the motto, your first and compassed me. During the 200 years when Europe was making especially rapid progress in learning and in discovery, some of the noblest painters that the world has ever known lived in Italy. One of these died while Magalans were slowly making his way around the southern point of South America. This was Raphael. His most famous picture is the 16 Madonna, now in the Dresden Gallery, the mother of Christ with the holy child in her arms. Raphael is said to have thanked God that he was born in the times of Michelangelo, a brother artist. Angelo was painter and poet, but greatest of all as sculptor. His most famous statue is that of Moses. This is so wonderfully life-like, that one feels as if it must be alive. It is easy to believe that, when it was completed, the artist gazed upon and cried, speak, for those who can't. Angelo lived to be an old man, but till almost the last day of his life he was occupied with some work of art of such rare excellence that every one who loves beautiful things is glad of its existence. In the days of King John, the English had their hands full with only one king to manage. But a time came in Scotland when there were 13 persons who claimed the throne. Finally it was clear that two of them had stronger claims than the other 11. They were John Balliol and Robert Bruce. Balliol was the grandson of the eldest daughter of a certain royal David, and Bruce was the son of the second daughter of this same king. People in Scotland took sides, some in favour of Balliol and some in favour of Bruce, and feeling was so strong that there was danger of civil war. King Edward of England is a wise king. Let us leave the question to him, said the Scottish nobles, and it was done. This was a fine chance for King Edward. He declared at once that neither Balliol nor Bruce but he himself had the best claim to the Scottish throne. Balliol, however, might rule under him, he said. But Balliol did not prove obedient enough to please him, so Edward carried him and the famous Stone of Scone off to London together. The Scots prized the stone highly. They had the tradition that Jacob's head had rested upon it the night that he had his dream of angels ascending and descending between heaven and earth. And whenever a Scottish king was to be crowned, he always took his seed upon the stone. Edward had it put underneath the seat of the chair in Westminster Abbey, in which English sovereigns sit their coronation, and perhaps he thought that Scotland had duped. And there would be no more trouble. On the contrary, in a very little while William Vellis led the Scots against the English and defeated them in a great battle. Soon after this, however, he fell into the hands of Edward and was put to death. After a few years the Scots found a new leader. This was the grandson of Robert Bruce, and his name too was Robert Bruce. He was crowned king of Scotland, and the Scots flocked to his standard. Then came Edward with a large force, and soon the king of Scotland was hiding first in the Grumpyon Hills, then on a little island of the north coast of Ireland. He was almost in despair, for he had tried six times to get the better of the English and had failed. One day it is said, he lay in a lonely hut on a heap of straw, wondering if it would not be better to give it up and leave Scotland for to herself. Just then he caught sight of a spider, trying to swing itself from one rafter to another. Six times it tried, and six times it failed. Just as many times as I have failed, thought Bruce. And he said to himself, if it tries again and succeeds, I too will try again. The spider tried again, and it succeeded. Bruce tried again, and he too succeeded. Edward died, and before his son Edward II was ready to attend to matters in Scotland, Bruce had captured most of the castles that Edward I had taken, and had brought an army together. When Edward II was at last ready to march into Scotland, some two or three years later, he came with a large force as far as sterling. Bruce met him with one only one-third as large, but every man in it was bent upon doing his best to drive away the English.  Many of the English cavalry plunged into these and were slain, and the rest were thrown into confusion. Then as the English troops looked at the hill lying to the right of the Scottish army, they saw a new army coming over the crest. It was really only the servants and wagons and camp followers, but Bruce had given them plenty of banners, and the English supposed they were fresh troops. Then King Edward and his men ran away as fast as they could, but the Scots pursued, and the king barely escaped being taken prisoner. This was the Battle of Bonnackburn, the most bloody defeat that the English ever met with in Scotland. The victory of the Scots freed Scotland from all English claims, and a few years later England acknowledged her independence. It was of this battle that Robert Burns wrote. Welcome to your gory bed, or to victory. Now's the day, and now's the hour. See the front of battle lore. See approach brought Edward's power, chains and slavery. Why will be a traitor knave? Why can't feel a coward's grave? Why see base as be a slave? Let him turn and flee. While for Scotland's king and law, freedom's sword will strongly draw, three men stand, or three men fall. Let him follow me. By oppressions, woes and pains, by our sons in servile chains, we will drain our drearest veins, but they shall be free. Lazy, proud, azerpers low, torrents fall in every foe, liberties in every blow. Let us do, or die. In 1603, James VI of Scotland became James I of England. But although for the next hundred years the kingdoms were ruled by the same sowing, the parliaments were not united. This followed, however, in 1707. England and Scotland were hence a force one country, and there's the name of Great Britain. End of Chapter 37 Chapter 38 of Heroes of the Middle Ages This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Heroes of the Middle Ages by Evermarch Tappan Chapter 38 William Tell and Arnold von Wickelried In early times, some tall, strong people who had light hair, blue eyes, and fair complexions took up their homes in Switzerland. They were a proud, independent race, and proudest of all were those who dwelt in three districts far up in the mountains, known later as the forest cantons. Even after those who lived in the lower parts of the land had been obliged to give up much of their liberty, the forest cantons were still free. They are yielded to the Emperor of Germany, they said, and to no one else. At one time Rudolph of the family of Habsburg was Emperor. He was of Swiss birth. He loved his people and protected them. But after him came his son Albert, a cruel tyrant. He was determined to bring the Swiss under the rule of Austria, and he was especially bitter against the forest cantons. He set governors over them who were free to insult the people, steal from them, imprison them, or even put them to death. The worst of all the governors was a man named Gessler, and the land was full of tales of his insolence and wickedness. Gessler seemed determined to humble the Swiss in every possible way. One day he put an Austrian hat on a pole and set it up in the marketplace, with the command that every one who passed should bow down to it as if it were the Emperor himself. William Tell, a bold mountaineer, walked through the place with his little son, and did not salute the hat, therefore he was seized by the guards. Gessler in cruel sport told him that since he carried a bow, he might display his archery by shooting an apple from the head of his son, and if he succeeded in doing it without killing the child, his own life should be spared. Tell pleaded not to be compelled to make so unnatural a trial, but the tyrant forced him to do it. The mountaineer was a skillful archer, and he hit the apple to the great joy of all the people who stood round, but Gessler had noticed that Tell had taken another arrow in his hand, and he demanded suspiciously. Why did you take out a second arrow? Tell replied boldly. If I had slain my child, this should have found your heart. Gessler was furious. He threw Tell into chains, and that night started to take him across the lake of the four cantons to a prison on the other side. It is not at all uncommon for a storm to rise suddenly amidst the mountains that surround the beautiful lake. Without warning the waters will be lashed into fury, and woe betide the boats that are not lying safely at anchor. Such a storm now overtook Gessler and his company. Tell knows the lake, and he is the only man that can save us, declared the peasants who were rowing. Unbind him then, paid the frightened governor, and gave him the helm. Tell did know the lake, and he guided the boat through the darkness to where a rock jutted out into the water. Coming as near as he dared, he made a bold spring to the rock, gave a thrust to the boat, and in a moment was free on the land while Gessler and his men were fighting for their lives to prevent the boat from being swamped. Eventually the governor was saved, but the next day he and his escort had to pass through some deep woods. He was exclaiming, let him surrender or one of his children dies tomorrow, another on the second day, and his wife on the third. When suddenly an arrow whist through the branches, and the tyrant fell dead, whether the arrow came from Tell's bow no one knew. Before this some of the bold mountaineers had met under the stars one night on a little point that stretched out into a lake, and had sworn to stand together to free themselves from the tyranny of the Habsburgs. The duke himself came with an army to subdue the rebellious swiss. But as his troops were marching through a deep narrow pass, suddenly rocks and trunks of trees were hauled down upon them. Then came the swiss with their clubs and pikes, and the proud Austrians were overpowered and driven back by the mountain peasants. Again, some seventy years later the Austrians tried to conquer Switzerland. When the moment of battle had come, the knights dismounted and stood with their long spears in rest, a wall of bristling steel. The swiss had only swords and short spears, and they could not even reach their enemies. The Austrians were beginning to curve their lines, so as to surround the swiss. When Arnold von Winkleried, a brave swiss, suddenly cried, my comrades, I will open away for you. And threw himself upon the lenses, clasping in his arms as many as he could, and dragging them to the ground. In an instant his comrades sprang into the opening. The Austrians fought gallantly, but they were rooted. It was by such struggles as these that Switzerland freed herself from the yoke of Austria. These two stories have been handed down in Switzerland from father to son for many years. People doubt their truth, but in one way at least there is truth in them, namely they show how earnestly the swiss loved liberty. They came to hate everything connected with Austria, even peacock feathers, because they were the symbol of Austria. It is said that once an ardent patriot was drinking from a glass when the sun shone through it and the detested colors appeared. Straight ways men dashed the glass to the floor and it was shattered into a southern pieces. CHAPTER 39 Black Prince, Hero of Cressy. The war between England and Scotland, which ended with the battle of Bannockburn, would not have lasted so long if the French had not feared the growing strengths of England. They had done a great deal to help Scotland, and this did not make the English feel very friendly towards them. Moreover, Edward III, King of England, claimed the French crown, because of his relationship to the late King of France. The result was a struggle which lasted more than a century, and which is, therefore, called the Hundred Years' War. It was in the early part of this war that the famous battles of Cressy and Poitiers were fought, which showed the English yeomen, that is, the sturdy common people, that they could defend themselves with their bows and arrows, and could stand up in battle without protection from the knights. At the battle of Cressy, King Edward shared the command with his son, called the Black Prince, from the color of his armor. In the course of the battle, a messenger came galloping up to the king, and told him that his son was in great danger. If the Frenchmen increase, your son will have too much to do, he said. The king asked, Is my son dead, unhorsed, or so badly wounded, that he cannot support himself? No sire answered the messenger, but he is in so hot an engagement, that he has great need of your help. The king must have long to go to his son, but he replied firmly. All those that sent you not to send again for me, so long as my son has life, and say I command them to let the boy win his spurs, for I am determined, if it please God, that all the glory and honor of this day shall be given to him, and to those to whose care I have entrusted him. The brave prince did win his spurs, that is, he performed deeds which proved him worthy of knighthood, and when the battle was over, the king kissed him and said, you are worthy to be a sirene. After this battle the English pressed on to besieged Calas. One whole year the prince refused to yield, and they would not give up the town until they were starving. Edward was so angry at the long resistance, that he told the people of Calas there was only one way in which they could look for any mercy from him. If six of their principal men would come to him in their shirts, bare-headed, bare-footed, and with ropes about their necks, he would be merciful to the others. The richest man in town offered himself first, and five others followed. Take them away and hang them, handed King Edward. But his wife, Philippa, fell upon her knees and said, Since across the sea with great danger to see you, I have never asked you one favor. Now I must humbly ask for the sake of the son of the blessed Mary, and for your love to me, that you will be merciful to these six men. The king replied, Ah, lady, I wish you had been anywhere else than here, but I cannot refuse you. Do as you please with them. The queen feasted them, and gave them new clothes, and sent them back safely to their homes. This story was told by Queen Philippa's secretary, a man named Freud Sartre, who wrote a famous history of the time, which is known as Freud Sartre's Chronicles. Freud Sartre tells another story about the courtesy and modesty of the Black Prince, after the French King had been taken prisoner at the Battle of Porteus. Here it is just as the old chronicle told it. The Prince of Wales gave a supper in his pavilion to the King of France, and to the greater part of the princes and barons who were prisoners. The prince seated the King of France and his son, the Lord Philip, at an elevated and well-covered table, with them were Sir James de Poupon, the Lord John Tartos, the Earl of Tancarville, of the Stamps of D'Amartin, of Granville, and the Lord of Partonny. The other kings and squires were placed at different tables. The Prince himself served the king's table, as well as the others, with every mark of humility, and would not sit down at it, in spite of all his entreaties for him so to do, saying that he was not worthy of such an honour. Nor did it appartent to him to seat himself at the table of so great a king, or of so valent a man, as he had shown himself by his actions that day. He ended also with a noble heir. Dear sir, do not make a poor meal, because the Almighty God has not gratified your wishes in the event of this day. For be assured that my Lord and Father will show you every honour and friendship in his power, and will arrange your ransom so reasonably that you will henceforward always remain friends. In my opinion you have caused to be glad that the success of this battle did not turn out as you desired, for you have this day acquired such high renown for prowess, that you have surpassed all the best knights on your side. I do not, dear sir, say this to flatter you, for all those of our side who have seen and observed the actions of each party have unanimously allowed this to be your due, and decree you the prize and garland for it. At the end of this speech there were murmurs and praise heard from everyone, and the French said the prince had spoken nobly and truly, and that he would be one of the most gallant princes in Christendom if God should grant him life to pursue his career of glory. The black prince never came to the throne, for he died one year before his father. If he had lived his courage and gentleness and kindly tacked might have prevented some of the troubles that England had to meet. End of chapter 39. Chapter 40 of Heroes of the Middle Ages. This is the LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Heroes of the Middle Ages by Eva March Tappen. Chapter 40. John of Arc, the girl commander. The Hundred Years' War was renewed when Henry V came to the throne, and by his great victory at Agincourt in 1415, France was quite at his mercy. At length the French became so discouraged that they agreed that when their king should die they would accept an English ruler. The daughter of the French king was married to Henry, who died shortly afterwards. At the death of Henry V, the new king of England was a little boy. His guardians tried to enforce his claims, and they invaded France. They succeeded in getting possession of northern France, but they could not press further into the country without capturing Orleans. Thus they made strong efforts to do. They laid siege to the city. It grew weaker and weaker, and all saw that it must soon fall into their hands. The French were good soldiers, but they needed a leader. They were fighting for the rights of the young king Charles, but it did not seem to enter his mind that he should do all except wear the crown after they had captured it for him. At length V came that a young peasant girl named John from Domrimi insisted upon seeing him. She declared that she had seen visions of angels, and had heard voices beating her raise the siege of Orleans, and conduct the king to range to be crowned. She was brought before the king, but he had dressed himself more plainly than his courtiers to see if she would recognize him. She looked about her a moment, then kneeled before him. I am not the king, said Charles. Noble Prince, you and no one else are the king, John responded, and she told him of the voices that she had heard. Now there was an old saying in France that some day the country would be saved by a maiden, and those king and courtiers became interested.  Her banner was a standard of pure white, and on it was a picture of two angels bearing lilies and one of God holding up the world. The French were wild with enthusiasm. They fell down before her, and those who could come near enough to touch her armor, or even her horse's hooves, thought themselves fortunate. John of Arc, as she is known in history, was only 17, and she had seen nothing of war, but she succeeded in leading the French troops into Orleans. When once she had made her way within the walls, the French shut up in the city, began to believe that she was sent by heaven to save them. She bade them follow her to do battle with the English, and they obeyed joyfully. The English had heard of this. Some thought she was, indeed, sent by heaven. Others said she was a witch, and they were all half afraid to resist her. It was not long before they withdrew. The city was free, and the French were almost ready to worship the maid of Orleans, as they called her. They were eager to follow wherever she led, and with every battle, the English were driven a little further to the North Ward. John no urged Charles to go to Rheims to be crowned, but he held back. So did his brave old generals. It is folly, they said, to try to make our way through the country, where the English are still in power. Let us first drive them from Normandy and from Paris. Let the coronation wait until we'll have position of our capital. Still John begged Charles to go, and at length he yielded. There was much fighting on the way, but the French were victorious, and John led her king to Rheims. He was crowned in the cathedral, and she stood near him, the white war banner in her hand. So John prayed to be allowed to go home, but Charles would not think of giving her up. His people had come to believe that they would win a victory wherever she led. They even fancied that they saw fire flashing around her standard. I work no miracles, she declared.  I'm nothing but the instruments that God uses. She continued to lead the army, but at length she was captured and fell into the hands of the English. Those were hard and cruel days, and the English fired cannon and sang the Théodéum in the churches and rejoiced as if they had conquered the whole kingdom of France. John was kept in prison for a year, loaded with irons and chained to a pillar. She was tried for witchcraft, and was condemned and sentenced to be burned. Charles, to whom she had given a kingdom, made no effort to save her. A stake was set up in the marketplace of Royenne, to this she was bound, and faggots were heaped up around it. Let me die with the cross in my hands, she pleaded, but no one paid any attention to her request. Until at length an English soldier tied two sticks together in the form of a cross and gave it to her. She kissed it and laid it upon her heart. Then a brave and kindly monk ventured to bring her the outer cross from a church near at hand. The flames rose around her, those who stood near heard her say, Jesus, Jesus, and soon her sufferings were ended. Her ashes were thrown into the scene, but today on the spot where she died, a noble statue stands in her honor. End of chapter 40. The End of Heroes of the Middle Ages by Evermarg Tappan. Recorded by Christine, April 2008, in Greifswald, Germany. Thank you for listening.


You ask, we answer. Welcome to Can This Marriage Be Saved, where we go up against common relationship problems and help you determine if this relationship should stay or go. Okay, tonight we're here with Riffben Schlomo-Slakken and we are talking about communication problems. Schlomo, I know that one of the top problems that our readers struggle with are communication problems and communication issues. Why do you think that is the number one issue that couples are reporting in that they're experiencing as their number one problem? I would think there's so many things that are so much worse. Of course, if a couple is struggling or suffering from infidelity, that's number one usually, but there's so many couples that are reporting in that communication problems are their number one frustration in their marriage. Why do you think that's so? All of those issues that couples have need to be discussed. So even if the issue is infidelity, if they can't communicate, they can't work on the issue because there's nothing to talk about. We can't not communicate. So whether it's through words or through body language, the way of interaction is to communicate and speech is what makes us uniquely human. So that's something that we're going to have to be able to deal with in a relationship. And most of us don't really know how to talk about difficult issues. We don't know how to ask for our needs. We don't know how to say it in a way that makes each other feel safe. And we often get triggered and get reactive. So just having a simple conversation about something could lead to a big explosion in a relationship which leads to negative energy and discord. And it's sometimes quite challenging to even get back to the table and get back to the positivity. So communication is really the foundation of any successful relationship. So you're saying maybe it's number one because about every single issue that a couple has to deal with, they have to first deal with communication. So if you're having trouble with money or you're having trouble in the bedroom, you need communication to be able to talk about those things. And if you don't have the ability to communicate about those things, then you can't really do it at all. Is that what you're saying? That's right because if you can't tell your partner what you need from them, if they can't hear what you need from them, then how can you get your needs met and how can they meet your needs. So it's important to learn a way where you can really express what you're feeling because your partner can't read your mind. And to learn a way in which you can listen but you can really hear what your spouse is saying and not just get defensive or interpret or have it go in one ear and out the other. Okay, that makes sense. Now, what are some quick tips for how people can improve their communication? Well, the first thing to do is to be intentional, to think about when they're communicating what their intention is, what the purpose of the communication is. Deep down inside, we all want to connect. I don't think any of us really want to hurt our spouse, but sometimes it sure seems like it to our spouse when we hear our spouse talk to us in a way that's not so nice. So first of all, having the intention that what I'm about to share is for the purpose of connection and for the purpose of the greater good of the relationship. So to have that in mind. And one of the ways to do that is to make sure your spouse is available to hear you. So before you get into that part, when you're saying the intention, so how do you do that, though, if you're really angry with your spouse? You know, you're saying you should have the intention that this conversation is going to be to connect. But what if you're really irritated with your spouse? How can you have in mind that, you know, I'm about to have a conversation with my spouse, but I'm really angry. I would think it would be very hard to keep in mind that you really want to connect. Well, it would be hard. And it could be that if you are angry that it's probably not the best time to speak to your spouse. But even if you can't hold back or you feel like you need to speak to your spouse at this time, you need to think about, well, think selfishly for a minute. What is your intended result? Do you want your spouse to change and to do what you want? And this is, you know, like the worst case scenario, let's say you're not at the level of thinking about connection, but you want your spouse to change and do what you want. So logically, how do you get that? If you put your spouse on the defensive, if you pick on them, if you criticize them, if you yell at them, they're probably not going to do what you want. They're probably not going to change and they're probably just going to get reactive and blame you. So if you want them to change, if you're frustrated about something and you want things to be different, then you want to make sure instead in a way that they'll actually be able to hear and receive it so that they actually will be open to changing. Is that just kind of like some kind of trick, like a, you know, a manipulating type of thing where you get your spouse to do what you want? No, it's not manipulating. I mean, I'm just saying from a selfish perspective, you know, you can have that in mind, but ultimately you want things to be different and you're hurting. So it's to your benefit. It's something that it's to the relationship's benefit. If you're miserable in a relationship and something needs to change and you want something to be different, then you need to be able to articulate it in a way that your spouse will hear it so that change can happen. Otherwise, you know, if you just want escalation and you want things to get worse and you want continued conflict, then go ahead and yell at them and just kind of dump on them. But if you really want positive change and you want things to be different, then you have to say it in a way that they can receive it, even if you're angry with them. Very interesting. I'm thinking of what some of the questions are that readers have sent us, you know, over the time that we've asked for questions to come in. I know that communication issues were definitely number one. I guess, you know, I'd like to know more about why communicating is so hard. You know, if it's seemingly so easy to do, you know, have a bit of decency and respect and speak in a nonviolent way, non-reactive, why is it so hard? Communication is hard because I think most of us lack emotional maturity or that's what we're kind of going towards. We're growing towards. We're aiming towards. We're hoping to achieve that. But in many ways, both partners are really like two children that don't know how to ask for what we want. We don't know how to say things in a mature way. And, you know, we just see constantly interpersonal relationships, even not in marriages. People get offended easily. They don't say what they want. They don't say what they mean. People's feelings are hurt. Relationships are damaged. And if people would be more emotionally mature than an upfront with people and honest and safe with people, then it would be much easier for people to get along and to really know what people are thinking and to avoid any of these miscommunications and assumptions that occur in, and I would say, majority of our relationships. So it is a skill that is to be learned and to become emotionally mature, to understand what we're feeling, to be conscious of what's triggering us, to ask for what we need, to find that beneath the frustration instead of focusing on what the other person is doing wrong, to take ownership instead of blaming, to differentiate. I think that's one of the most difficult things that we see couples have a hard time with. And when we teach couples dialogue process, it's really helping them become dialogical and differentiating and realize that they're not their spouse. They don't need to feel the same way about things. They can have different opinions and it can be okay. And it in no way invalidates the other person's point of view. It's a very hard concept to understand, but if we're looking from a childish perspective and kind of a black or white, it's either my way or the highway, you know, I'm right and you're wrong. But a mature perspective is able to see that we both can have valid opinions and we don't have to be with each other and that's perfectly okay. But that's something that even children, it takes them time to be able to get to that level of maturity to be able to not think black or white in relationships. It takes work to get to that maturity to be able to see that both of you can have a valid point of view. Now, I know in your marriage mastery program, you really delve in depth with how to communicate, how to have an amago relationship dialogue and to really make the time to speak together with your spouse to have a dialogue. And I don't want to get into that right this minute, but I'm thinking of a particular example that maybe if you can help me with for how to kind of communicate on the fly with someone who doesn't really know that I'm about to, you know, enter into a dialogue with them. There's a particular family member of ours that I feel that every time she comes over and sees our little son, she expects him to right away maybe give her a hug or say hello, and sometimes he's in the middle of playing. And she takes great offense to that if he doesn't say hello to her.  And it's becoming a little bit of a frustration for me that every time she comes over, I can see her getting irritated with him and kind of forcing him to say hello to her. How can I, you know, have a quick conversation? Does it need to be so serious?  But, you know, if he's in the middle of playing, it's going to be hard for him. What can I do to kind of make that go easier? Well, the first thing I think that would be helpful for you is just before even having a conversation with her is to realize that it might seem like a kind of almost irrational response that she's having. And to understand that there's probably something that could trigger that she's having and have compassion for her that she's coming from a wounded place. For some reason, this fact that our son is not saying something, it's triggering her, really bothering her almost in an irrational way. So there's something deeper there. Just knowing that and knowing that she's not being malicious might help you, you know, deal with it better and overlook it, but unless be less confrontational or reactive about it.  We had other kids that did the same thing and they've grown out of it and he will too.  And that's helpful because I think that's what's actually allowed me to go this far with her is because I do know that there's a story there and I do have compassion for her story. So I think that's what's held me back for so long but it's starting to get to me a little bit more. I know I've heard you talk before, not in session, but just in your material about getting curious and maybe I can also add in my conversation with her and say, I'm a little curious about, you know, what it is that bothers you so much or why you feel so offended by it. I mean, I hope I can have the patience to kind of hear that because I am a little bit upset by this situation but the idea of curiosity makes me curious. So I'd love to hear more about that. Yeah, a lot of times we have all these ideas about what's going through the other person's head and we want to kind of put those aside and they get curious and allow them to share and allow them to open up and you know, to kind of put yourself aside, empty yourself out and really, you know, know that there's something there that makes sense and know that there's a deeper story and just really want to listen and sincerely want to hear where they're coming from and what upsets them so and that attitude of curiosity will make the other person feel safe enough to open up and feel that you really care about what they have to say. And what can I do if while I'm genuinely trying to get curious she's starting to explain herself and I find myself getting a little bit, you know, of a rise going on or I'm getting a little bit upset. Instead, I know what I would want to do which would be to respond but I know that you don't have people do that in a mago. Right. I mean, you could mirror back and peep back what she said but if you're not doing it in a formal context then you could just kind of internally mirror yourself meaning imagine yourself mirroring back as opposed to just saying anything out loud to her but also just having in mind that she has a story and that you're just going to keep listening until it makes sense to you. And what do you mean by internally mirroring? I haven't heard that before.  I like that.  It can be helpful to self-regulate so that you don't get reactive. That's very interesting and for whoever's listening if you're more curious about the Amago Dialogue we recommend that you read our blog or get your hands on Marriage Mastery which is our audio visual program which goes very much into detail about how to communicate properly and effectively and we model in our DVD program how we actually have a formal Amago Dialogue and how you can have them at home for optimal communication. Let's see what other readers have written about communication being a problem for them. I mean there's always you know verbal abuse is an issue name calling you know kind of the more aggressive ways of communicating those are you know a problem for many people I don't know what you would say about that because that's kind of a whole nother topic but what would you say if somebody feels like their communication is abusive? Are you talking about the person who's talking in the quote-unquote abusive way or the person who's on the receiving end? I mean I guess I was thinking of the person on the receiving end but really anything that would help I guess you know either spouse can become verbally abusive at any point in time and there's probably different forms of verbal abuse like criticism and you know passive aggressiveness and there's just so much in communication that can go wrong it seems. Well again if there's something that's bothering you and you want to criticize your spouse think about what you want as opposed to what is not being done correctly. So meaning if there's something that obviously if you're feeling critical there's something and you're upset about your spouse something they did so instead of focusing on what they did wrong think about what you need from them. So what I need from you instead of you don't clean the house you just leave it a mess and I can't stand coming home from work and seeing this it really mean a lot to me if the house were clean it would help me have peace of mind and share why it's important to you and you see how that's so much different if you're coming from a place of negativity and criticism so your spouse's response is just going to be to go the other way they're not going to hear it it's almost they're going to put up a wall it's like whatever you're saying it's not even penetrating if you're saying it in a non-threatening way then your spouse is more likely to be receptive of course anything that's yelling screaming outbursts of anger they're very unhelpful in our relationship and we talk about these in the program and detox your marriage about the importance of removing such language from your relationship but for those of you who feel that you have those feelings brewing inside again understanding what's going on why am I feeling angry and what am I not getting and basically just like a child acts out when they're not getting their needs met so if we don't know how to use our words we're going to act out in ways that are not beneficial for the relationship so think about learning how to express what you need and what you feel in a more mature way by getting in touch with what's bothering you and explaining to your spouse what you need from them as opposed to what's wrong I think some people's fear though is that if they don't yell and scream they're not going to get what they want that's what they learn growing up because we learn growing up we have certain adaptations that protect us growing up so some of us didn't get our needs met unless we made a big fuss so we're afraid that in our relationship that's the only way that we can get a spouse to meet our needs but that protected us growing up but that's going to do the opposite of what we want in a mature relationship why is that? it's because usually our spouse is going to have the opposite reaction if we're the more aggressive one who needs to make a big fuss when they don't get their needs met they're more likely to be the one to retreat the minimizer so the more that we get aggressive the more they're going to retreat so we're basically exacerbating the situation so we're exacerbating the situation by speaking up in a way that is aggressive so we need to get ourselves safe and to realize that this is not our childhood and that this is our spouse and we can be open to a new possibility that we can really get our needs met if we could ask in a different way do you think it really works? I've seen it work time and time again so I know that it works I mean I was just having a conversation with a friend of mine on the phone and she says she comes home her husband's taking care of the kids and she comes home and there's dishes in the sink and the house is a mess and she says I just tell him I nag him you couldn't do the dishes you can't even hear that you want the dishes done because he thinks you're nagging him so he just kind of shuts down do you think that's kind of what happens? Of course when people are nagged they put up their defenses and they don't want to do it and they're not able to see it for what it is they're not able to see wow it was really hard for you you come home from a long day of work and you're tired and hungry and the last thing you want to do is you can't see it from a rational perspective they go straight to that reactive part of their brain so the nagging is almost like a switch to say turn off my ears I'm not going to hear what you have to say and I'm just going to put up my defenses and I'm going to put up a wall and I'm not going to give in and I'm not going to do anything for you because you're just pushing me and pushing me so nagging really is unhelpful in a relationship so again we want to come from a perspective of the kids and I realize that you probably were busy and it would really mean a lot to me if you could do the dishes or let's talk about how we can figure out a way where we can make that happen because it would really be important to me and the more that you can share about why it's important and the more you spouse can hear of course I'd love to be able to do that for you so maybe they're not able to for whatever reason but in general they're going to be much more willing to do what you need if you can ask them in a way where they're not feeling threatened I imagine this can be used with parenting as well sure of course if you nag kids nobody wants to be nagged or yelled at or criticized or screamed at right it leads them to shut down well either they're going to shut down and just check out or they're going to just become aggressive and fight back so you're putting them on the defensive and their sole goal at that moment will be to protect themselves and survive however they go about doing that that's about what you have to say they are just in survival mode and very threatened and whatever you ask them to do is not going to be received because you're threatening them and making them unsafe so the goal really is in all communication to create enough safety so that both of you can really show up because if you're not safe you can't show up if you can't show up you're definitely not going to hear or listen or understand what your spouse is saying so let's summarize so for somebody on the receiving end of very poor communication and for somebody that is a poor communicator what do you suggest? on the receiving end do your best to control your reactivity learn some of the tools of mirroring so you can internally repeat back as opposed to respond let your spouse kind of share what they need to do or need to share without responding and getting upset on the sharing end think about your goal the goal is to get your needs met at the very least to connect with your spouse say it in a way that will help you get your needs met say it in a kind way stop criticizing, stop blaming stop saying what you do meaning the other person does and focus on what you need, what I need and when you did this I felt no one can argue with feelings so taking responsibility for what you're feeling and how you're reacting nobody can argue with that and cutting out the criticism of course and saying it in a kind way and not nagging and not blaming but really just taking ownership and asking for what you want beautiful, well that sounds very helpful and I look forward to applying it with everybody that comes my way and especially with you as much as possible and thank you everybody for listening and we look forward to staying in connection with you and everything that we write and everything that we record for you so we'd love to hear your feedback on how this audio has helped you and we ask that you email any questions that you have to us you can just click reply to the email address that you received this audio from and we'll talk to you soon, take care bye bye we hope you've enjoyed listening to today's topic we'll be back again to focus on another topic that is sure to help you with your marriage for any questions or concerns please email us at info at themarriagerestorationproject.com with best wishes for your relationship success