Hi, everyone. Welcome to Open Source Summit. My name is Jason Hibbins. I'm a senior community architect at Red Hat, and today we're going to talk about Burnout. First, I want to mention that this is my experience. I'm not the expert on this topic. I only know what happened to me during my situation and how I dealt with it. But during today's session, I do want to try to interact with you using the chat functionality. So we'll get there. I encourage you to ask questions and also answer each other's questions if you want to share your own experience. So my story begins in early 2017. I was mentally in a pretty bad spot. It's basically kind of this perfect storm of stress, the kind that no one really asked for. For me, work was piling up to a point where I didn't want to do the things that were expected of me. I was training for some spring half marathons, which should have normally been stress relief, but I was putting some additional pressure on myself to perform at a high level. And on top of the everyday family obligations, we had a surgery in our household that really added to some of the stress I was experiencing. So I finally reached a breaking point and it wasn't just one thing. It was a culmination of things. And it really hit me from the blind side. I was completely caught off guard. I never thought that I would be a victim of burnout. I was aware of burnout. It was on my radar with the communities that I work with, making sure to be on the lookout for other people burning out, not myself. I remember thinking that something was wrong and something was a little off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. So I distinctly remember the day that I cried and I was in the office having my daily one-on-one or my weekly one-on-one with my manager. And the faucets just wouldn't stop. I just broke. It was a really low point for me. My manager did assure me that we would get through this. Neither of us had gone through this experience before.  So luckily I already had some vacation on the calendar. So that was my short-term target, day by just one day at a time, get to that vacation. And when I did take that vacation, I intentionally didn't pack any technology clothing at all. So if anyone knows my wardrobe and how many conferences I go to and how many tech shirts I have, that was a pretty thin suitcase. When I reflect upon that, I was really just kind of pushing myself to exceed the goals that my team creates. And I really liked the feeling when we accomplished something and meet new and make our goals. But this experience was a little bit different. It wasn't a healthy win for me. It wasn't a healthy win for my team. And I felt like I let everyone's self down, including myself. So when I look back, I was definitely showing the signs of burnout. I didn't have much of an appetite. I was tired all the time. I was sleeping in and it wasn't because of jet lag or travel. I was doing strange things. Like I would fire up my hotspot and work from the back of my car when I was doing the family rounds with the vehicle. Now I was cleaning off my desk. Like I was about to quit my job. But more importantly, like I wasn't motivated to do the things that I normally love to do. I was feeling really blah about work. And I was avoiding people that I would normally hang out with. So what did I do? I scheduled my annual physical. I talked to my doctor about my situation. And they recommended that I see a psychologist. So I sat on the couch a few weeks later, talked it out and was diagnosed with severe anxiety. You know what I mentioned previously are signs of depression and burnout. And that's a lesson that I learned the hard way. Some of the tips that I'm gonna be providing today and solutions may not work for your particular situation. So hopefully you'll be able to find them useful. And before we move on, I wanna say that it's perfectly okay to ask for help. In fact, I would encourage it if you're feeling, if you identify any of these symptoms in your life. So there's a lot of passion from community members in open source and tech in general. We push ourselves to contribute to projects. We sign up for issues to work on. We take on more than we can volunteer for sometimes. And so I did some research and wanted to look at some numbers here. Gallup did a survey in 2018 and 7,500 full-time employees, 23% of them of those workers said they felt burnt out more often than not. An additional 44% reported feeling burned out sometimes. And so those are some pretty staggering numbers. Over 50% people are feeling some sort of stress or anxiety here. And then I wanna talk a little bit about passion. Passion means going above and beyond. And a word of caution is that passion can lead to burnout. I felt like that was partly my situation. I was willing to work the extra hours. I was willing to sign up for extra tasks and help my team push myself to perform. But I still am. But now I have some limitations. I know when I can push hard, I know when I can say no, or when I can defer tasks and objectives. But our work doesn't need to be balanced. It needs to be balanced for three things. And that's recognition, rewards and relaxation. So take your passion for work and make it work for you, but balance it with these three things. And it's important for all of us to know the signs of burnout. So to take measures to prevent burnout and to reduce stress. All right, so let's see lesson number one here. Now let's get going is that you should know the sign is a burnout.  It's not the occasional slacking off because the weather's nice. It's a buildup of emotional stress where, as I said, you don't wanna do the things that are asked of you. Sometimes health providers might refer to this as compassion fatigue. So, we talked about how passion could lead to burnout. You work really hard, but there's just so many factors that can lead to burnout. Whether it's too much travel, if we ever get to travel again, unclear expectations, unreasonable deadlines, toxic cultures at work, or maybe it's a work-life imbalance. I remember one thing that was extremely abnormal for me is because I'm so social is that I started to separate myself from my team. As an example, if it was, hey Jason, do you wanna go grab lunch? I would say no, I'm too busy. I was too busy to hang out with people. So, according to the Mayo Clinic, here's a few things I won't do through each of them here, but these are a few things you can ask yourself if you think you're experiencing the signs of burnout. Are you becoming cynical at work? Do you lack energy to do things you normally like to do? Are you using food, drugs, or alcohol to feel better, or to simply not feel at all? And have your sleeping habits changed? Those are just a few, but really good things to analyze here for yourself. So I mentioned a few symptoms above that I was experiencing, but let's get a better picture of the real signs of burnout, or additional signs of burnout, sorry. Now, sometimes people can get really ill, ill, sorry. You might feel a loss of appetite or a loss in interest of things you normally like. As I said, I was feeling separation from my team. I was, quote, too busy to be around them. I wasn't sleeping well. I would stay up late. I would sleep in longer. And ultimately, this, you know, led to my severe anxiety. One thing to note, though, is that it is very difficult to self-diagnose burnout. This is why you and your team should know the signs and hold each other accountable. And another thing I wanna mention here is that you should always listen to your body.  Definitely that was my situation where I was not really able to self-diagnose. Number two, a second lesson I wanna share is kind of techniques on how to prevent burnout. First of all, you should take time away from the job, find time to unplug and unwind. This means planning vacations, or probably staycations now, or other just planned time away from work. And I know it could be really hard to unplug like this, but with all the pressures we put on ourselves and obligations we have from work, it's a really healthy for us to do that. So in my experience, you need at least two checkouts a year. Again, I kind of defining checking out as no email, laptops down, make sure you've got work, people to back you up in what you do, things of that nature. I recommend two, but I found myself taking three, unplug and completely escaping over the last few years. I'll tell you that it's a wonderful feeling. I feel like I'm in control and it's working really, really great for me. Number three is not easier said than none, but it's really easy to be connected 24 hours a day, but we've got to unplug. Being connected all the time is not healthy for us. I'm hoping that one thing that humans can learn from this COVID-19 situation we're in is just slow down, take the time and slow down and enjoy the moment. One way to avoid always being on is to share your availability. I find that my work calendar can be really helpful for this. There are special times that you wanna be really specific about your schedule, about what your availability is. And so as an example, if you're out of the office for maybe a conference or if you're on vacation, communicate your time constraints and availability with people in advance. This would be a week ahead of time letting your team or the community work with know that, hey, I'm gonna be out next week. If you don't get something to me by this time, then it's gonna have to wait until I get back. Let people know if you're checking your email, your phone, or chat. And as a reminder, if you're on vacation, the answer is I'm not checking email, phone, or chat. Couple other tips here. Use an autoresponder to set expectations. You can share your schedule there. You can provide other contacts if someone needs assistance. My autoresponder typically will say, I'm out until X date. If you need help with this email this person, living the dream, right? That's my autoresponder. Another example is to, this is a thing that my team did early on earlier this year when COVID started and we started to become more of a distributed team. Is to define how everyone should communicate. So we set clear expectations on how we communicate in real time versus asynchronously. And we also defined how we could better run our meetings. And so my team decided that if we needed a response from someone that email is our definitive answer, not chat. And so that's been working really well for us. All right, number four, impose limits and share them, which can help save you time and help prioritize important things in your life. Now you can set limits around, the amount of time you research an issue or limit the time you spend on checking email. You can block time in your calendar to avoid interruptions. You can turn off chat and email notifications and stop the constant distractions. I was recently setting up a meeting with a coworker and I literally saw on their calendar, it says absolutely no meetings. So that was a clear indicator to me that that was not a good time to meet with that person. Another great example for my personal life is that attending meetups. When we were able to meet in person, we could go to several meetups a day here in the Triangle area of North Carolina. And about the time when my daughter was three and my son was nine, I realized that I wanted to be home more in the evenings to see my kids. And so I didn't want to turn around 10 years later and say, hey, my kids are all grown up and I went to all these great meetups and I missed out on a really important part of their lives. So I decided to set a limit. And my limit was I could attend up to two meetups per week. And so this policy helped me prioritize which meetups were important and ultimately gave me more time with the family. You know, there are a few exceptions throughout the year but for the most part, I stick to that limit. Number five is that having a flexible work schedule can be really key to addressing a lot of the after-hours things that I deal with in my situation. And I know it's not, I know everyone can't have a flexible work schedule so do the best you can here. It's really helpful for someone like me to be able to manage my productivity. Mostly because I'm not much of a morning person. So I reserve my mornings to kind of get up, exercise and then kind of plan the day out ahead of time during that time. So the workouts are great for me, gets the blood flowing, helps me prepare for the day. It's also a really great stress reliever. So when you approach your schedule, I recommend that you kind of define what your core hours are. If something comes up, whether it's work or personal that impacts those core hours, let someone know. You know, as an example, if I were going to a meetup this evening, you know, I might come into the office a little later, let my team know that, hey, you know, gonna be in the office a little later today because I've got a meetup tonight and I don't wanna take all my time away from that. Let's see, there it is, next button, next. You know, also, another example is, you know, if you have a late night code push, adjust your day to start later. So my team typically does code releases in the morning. So when that happens, I just shift my day around. So I'll get up, get up a little earlier than normal, do the QA in production and then I'll either take a break from that or kind of like find the time to do that better. So that could also be like maybe taking a day off earlier or later on in the week. Maybe you take Friday off or something like that. So it's really good to have that balance of schedule if you have something that's gonna be outside of your normal schedule that you have. Okay, number six, easier said than done, but you know, how do you spend your time?  You know, just kind of curious, are you trapped in meetings? Are you spending hours answering email? On the chat, on the scale of one to five, one being that you don't know how you spend your time, five being exactly how you spend your time. Just drop that rating into the chat and I'd love to see how much people are aware of how they spend their time or not. So here's a great exercise you can do. If you're a one, two, three, I might recommend that take a week and write down exactly what you do and then take some time to analyze what you do. Figuring this out can help you gain efficiency, identify stressful things in your schedule, try to reduce them, remove them, or to pair them with the stress reliever. So that being, if you know you're gonna have a stressful situation at work, try to put that up against the lunch break or take a walk around the block or whatever you can do to kind of balance that out. So as an example, pre-COVID, I would block out my mornings from 8.30 to 9.30. I would get my daughter on the school bus and then use the rest of the remaining time to do a workout. So I've updated that for COVID and now I block out 9.30. I do a check-in between 9.30 and then I block out 10 to 11 for a workout. So my team knows my schedule and knows my availability there. All right, number seven, one of the worst abusers of how we spend our time is unplanned work. I absolutely hate unplanned work and that there's just so much that's bad about it. So using the chat again, throw in a plus one if you agree that you really dislike unplanned work and maybe you don't agree with it, throw in a negative one for that. I always try to find a way to convert my unplanned work into planned work and try to find out how different ways we can automate things too, that's usually helpful. One of the techniques that I use to move unplanned work into planned work is to use a compound board like Trello. There are many different technology tools out there that are like this. I basically avoid trying to use my email inbox as a to-do list. So I take things out of email and I make them into cards and then I can prioritize them. I also wanna mention here documentation. I think it's really important to document what you do. This way, someone can jump in and be a backup to what you're working on. And also, it's really not job security if you think about it when it's all said and done. All right, number eight, I'm gonna transition here to talk a little about different ways to help manage stress. You should have some sort of stress outlet, whether it's a hobby, a sport or an activity, something that frees your mind from work and from other life demands. If you work on computers all day, I might suggest that your hobby be unplugged and offline. So again, I wanna use the chat here. I'd love to see what some of your interests and hobbies are. It could be things like painting, photography, hiking, breeding, or really anything that you find relaxing. So hopefully, if you wanna share what your hobbies are, maybe you can find someone else in the talk here that you can connect with. One of my go-to stress outlets is exercise. I do a variety of work, whether it's cardio, weightlifting, swimming, running, cycling, surfing. There's a, I have a variety of exercises that keep me stress-relief, that help with my stress. Also here, it might sound a little harsh, but you can't help your team or yourself or your family if you're not in a good spot. And I always think about the airplane analogy here. When we used to fly and travel, in the event or loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop down. Put your mask on first before helping others. Again, make time for yourself. I refer to this as me time. That could be meditation, it could be reading, it could be exercise or your favorite hobby. And don't avoid giving up your me time. I think that's, you should protect that time at all costs. All right, number nine, another way to reduce stress is to better manage your time. You get to choose how you spend your time. Is it family, work, self, social? It's up to you. Find ways to work more efficiently, more effectively, and make sure you put yourself first. Again, you can't help others if you're in a bad spot. So here are a few tips on time management. You can use a calendar to manage your time. Again, block off your me time, protect blocks of time to get work done. Analyze how you spend your time so you can gain efficiency there. Default to 30 minute meetings. Use it to-do list, really simple. Start your day by doing the most important things first. Don't waste time waiting, fill in that waiting time with maybe something mindless task or it's time to relax. That's similar things and tasks together to help your brain from having to switch gears. And then learn how to delegate. I know this can be really difficult for some people. So if you need help with delegation, there is a great talk by Deb Nicholson. I won't play the video here, but the link is there. It's called Delegate Like a Boss, really helpful tips from Deb. I encourage you to watch that if you need help with delegation. And number 10, there's a couple articles I'm gonna reference here. The first one is on opensource.com by Chris Short. It's about the art of saying no. Really great read. Spend time doing things that interest you. I know that's not always the case with work. I don't really think the hard part here is that the hard part about saying no is that there's so much opportunity and so many exciting things you can be a part of. But use logic and reason to make those decisions instead of committing to something based off your emotion. There's another article again on opensource.com by Jen Krieger. Give some tips on saying, let's see, let me get it right here. Saying yes in order to get better at saying no. She's got a great set of questions to ask. Is it no or is it not right now? Is it no or is it not the way you asked me to do it? Is it no or can we do a little bit now and a little bit later? So she's got a great set of lists there, a great list of things to go through. And if you do decide to decline an opportunity, say no with grace. Normally I would jump all over this opportunity, but I don't have the time to put the effort in right now. And many times people will appreciate that. All right, so wrapping up here, don't suffer in silence. Whatever you do, if you are approaching burnout, you don't have to face it by yourself. Again, approach your manager, talk to a trusted colleague, seek medical help if you need to. Once I figured out what was wrong, I was able to devise a plan and recover. I found in my situation that time away from keyboard was the best thing. And now, and while I still have intense moments at work, I'm much better equipped to deal with it. I've got the support of my team, and my team is aware of the signs of burnout and behold each other accountable. So it's great to have that. And here's the moment you've all been waiting for. Here is the top 10 list. I won't read all of them since we just went through them. But I will say that burnout can lead to fatigue, excessive stress, sadness, anger, irritability, insomnia, alcohol or substance abuse, and other medical conditions. These are all things that are not good for humans.  Help those around you and under you to avoid burnout. And I put a link up here for this burnout index. It's a 10 question quiz you can take anonymously to help you access, assess your stress levels. It's a really cool tool. So again, I hope these tips I shared today can help you put yourself first to reduce stress and prevent burnout. I've got all of the, everything I referenced here is linked in the slide, so which are available to you. And that's all I have for you today. Here's my contact information. We're gonna hang around here in the chat for a few minutes. Again, I encourage you to help, to jump in and help each other out. Really appreciate your time today and we'll jump in chat for any Q&A. Thank you so much. All right, well, that was fun watching yourself do a recording. I've got just a few minutes for questions and then happy to jump over and hang out on Slack for a little bit. The first question is, can you provide our slides? Yes, I will add that to Slack here in just a few minutes. It's got complete speaker notes. So hopefully that will be a good resource for you. Second question is about exit strategies and how do you have a conversation about doing repetitive work that can't be automated? So I touched on this a little bit in the talk but if you could find someone to be as a backup, that would be ideal. Maybe you can share the load with that other person or other people. Make sure that what you're doing is documented so that other people can do it. I'm gonna try to get to one or two more questions here. Hopefully that's helpful. One other question here about setting boundaries, particularly when we have virtual conferences and virtual meetings all day. I think it's really easy just to get distracted and pulled back into work.  Obviously, emergencies come up and fires come up but do your best in advance to do that if you can. Easier said than done. I'm gonna stop there, we're almost out of time but I'll head over to Slack and hang out for a little while and I hope you enjoyed the talk and I hope you learned something from it and can please share this with other people. Thank you.


I'm building this tool called Plotly. You can visit us online at plot.ly. And we're also in the Chrome Store at Plotly. Plotly is a tool that makes it easier for people to analyze and visualize data collaboratively. You have already installed Plotly with Pip and import it. And you can sign up to our service with the API. So let's just make a new account called Montreal Python and use a fake email address called Montreal Python at Shark Lasers. And Plotly returns with an API key, a temporary password. And now we can get going. So let's initialize a Plotly object with our new username and our newly assigned API key. And let's make a plot. So we have exposed this function called iPlot for IPython. iPlot. And we could just do simple arrays. And we have an interactive graph in IPython. And this is being served from Plotly servers. And it is being saved in your newly created Plotly account. So we can do more complicated things. Pretty much all scientific plots are available. So we could, say, make a box plot. Let's import numpy and make a box plot. We can fill it in with some normally distributed random points. And we have a box plot that's interactive. And the plotting syntax for Plotly is an array of dictionaries. So because we're Pythonistas, we'll do a little list comprehension and make 20 box plots and plot them. So we're going to make an array of box plots in iPython with one line. So as I said, these plots are actually saved in the cloud in your Plotly account. So you can click this link and view them online. This is our web tool. I can sign in with our new account. It's just Montreal Python. And we generated a password. And in Plotly is a GUI for styling these graphs. So we can remove the legend and interact with this without using any more code. And we can change the colors, change the opacity. All these types of things that you might do in a script to style, you can now do in a GUI. So we can show all the individual points for each box plot, zoom in, pan around. So let's do some more interacting with our account. So say we have some more random data, and then we plot it and have a file name. So now we can view this in Plotly, edit it, and maybe we're interested in the distribution of these randomly distributed values. In Plotly, we can change the type. So let's look at a histogram of our values. So that's kind of interesting. Now, all of our files are saved over here, and this file is called random. Now, I can interact with this plot, again, with IPython. So if I create a plot in the web browser or someone shares a plot with me in Plotly, I can add existing data. I can add new data to the plots that I make. So for example, I remember from probability, say, 100, the value of the equation for a bell curve. So first, let's change the normalization. So x will go from negative 3 to 3. Let's do 100 points. And then y, the equation for a bell curve, I think it's 1 over square root of 2 times pi times e to the x squared over 2, I think. x, y, and we call this plot random. So file name is equal to random. And let's append data. So our file option will be append. And feud in Plotly. Change this to that. And now we have our plot of a bell curve and a histogram of some sample data. I can share this with my other graphing homies, like Matt Sunquist. Send him a message. And move things. Man, that's annoying. The button is hidden. Zoom out. Send. Zoom in. And now he has access to this plot. He can make comments if he wants to. Hopefully he's online tonight. And we'll see this. And then I can share this plot with anyone through a link. And now they can view it. Or with all my graphing homies on Facebook. And then they can check it out. And they can view the plot. And they can save it to their own Plotly account. And they can edit it, change the colors. And they can even view the data behind the plot. So this is Plotly. We have been around for about a year now. It's being built by myself, my brother, a few friends in the mile end. We have an API for Python. But we've built the same sort of functionality for MATLAB, Julia, R, Arduino, Pearl. And we're trying to make it easier for people to share and make graphs on the internet. Right now, if you were to make a histogram on the web, you wouldn't even think about doing it. You'd think about maybe doing it in Excel or a Matplot lib, taking a screenshot, uploading it to Dropbox, and then sending it out. We want to make that a lot simpler for people. You can upload data. You don't even need to code. You can just upload CSVs or Excel spreadsheets, and we'll parse it. And you can graph it from within our online tool. And so we've given this tool out as a beta so far for about six months. And we've seen people make these incredible graphs like this, the height and weight of NFL players. This graph was featured today on The Washington Post, embedded in 76,000 people saw it. More people making sports box plots of distributions of their favorite players, fully interactive graphs that you can save and edit and view the data behind. People are streaming data with Arduino, Raspberry Pi, Nest Thermostats, and sending it online. And apparently sharing it with 9,000 people. So this dude's temperature at his house on three different levels. Some person yesterday used our Python API and integrated with a Raspberry Pi and has a temperature controller and is sending it out to 800 of their friends. So we're really excited about this because we're taking, you know, we want the data to be free and we want it to be online. And we want people to access it easier and visualize it easier and index it. And we want Plotly to be sort of the place where if you want to see a graph of something, you would go to Plotly. Or if you want to see some data of some statistics, you would think about going to Plotly. That's what we're really excited about. And the first step of that was making this tool to make it easier to make graphs and share them on the web. Any questions?


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starting lineup now. Jaheem Williams is between the six they do have a back four inclusive of their captain Damani Sewell, Sajee Anderson, Kevin Graham and Craig Stewart as well in Darius Stewart rather as well. Imani Beckford, Rohan Sewell, Shakil Kenan, Ronaldo Hansen, the four in midfield and Carlos Campbell will be playing behind Aaron Elliott. All are looking to set up in a 4-2-3-1 system and they are mindful of Waterhouse attacking Paris and the two defensive midfielder, the two pivots in Sewell and Kane are going to be vital. Kemar Faust is between the sticks for Waterhouse and of course he's the captain Nevada player Keith Simpson, Elvis Lewis, Wilson and Canil Hyde, the back four in the middle of the pot, Nikoi Christian, Andrew Smith and Devon Dunkley up top than Althomas who scored a wonderful goal last time out. Javane Braun introducing himself to the Premier League with a couple of goals, Andre Fletcher of course the ever dangerous, Andre Fletcher still seeking to find his form part of a top three for Waterhouse. Yeah looking to play the 4-3-3 system and you talk about Nikoi Christian and the likes. As you take a look at the full-time highlights here for the first half they gave as good as they got you know Beckford's effort from Anderson's cross, could have been put away, Carlos Campbell with a big opportunity inside the six yard box and Fauster denied him first but there was not a lot of power in that shot and then Waterhouse got something I thought was against the run of play and it was because of the pressure from Javane Braun who took this goal well and it gave Waterhouse the lead. You have to apply the pressure and Waterhouse is number nine, starting the season like a house on fire, third goal in three games and Waterhouse with the advantage there. Limehall still trying to cook the header magnificently saved and there was a handled ball on the line, the Limehall players were asking for it but before that Fauster wonderfully done and here's Christian playing this one inside Fletcher had a couple of bites there but the second was an emphatic finish and they stretched their advantage to two in the first half and that's how they went into the break although there was to have been one more opportunity but not a lot of power there from the header and then Elliott dragging that one just right of the mark but that was perilously close. Handled ball there, easy call by the referee who pointed to the spot. Andre Smith couldn't quite get out of the way but that was clear and Elliott getting his first goal of the season and his first goal for Limehall from the penalty spot. They had pulled a goal back to make it 2-1 but then a little after that Waterhouse went ahead that was a really good run there by Nevada player and he laid it on a platter and the Fletcher converted well making that late run inside the box and was an outlet for Blair. Second of the game for Andre Fletcher, more with 17 shots for the target, Waterhouse with 12 shots, five on target, there are quite a few fouls committed in this one and the yellow cards were flashed five times in the direction of the Limehall players and even on the bench as well a card was flashed to their coach David Price, they've had a miserable afternoon although they had the majority of the corner kicks, Waterhouse had the majority of the possession at 62%. Andre you had a brace today but not only that your game wasn't really summed up with your goals a lot of work for your team even in the defense. Tell me a bit about the game that you played today how much do you like it? Well I like it 60% I think I still think there's a lot me myself and also my team can build fun but I win today we have to just go back to the giant board and focus on the next game. It seemed like a different player once you scored a goal today and how much does it mean for you to be scoring goals? Well it means a lot to me because for your score I mean confidence gonna gain and that's what I did today game confident. And finally one of the players on your team Nikoi Christian must be a joy to play with him and he was responsible for you setting up your first. Yeah great player I mean we train and we'll be like chemistry together so we'll just take it over to the game today. Well hopefully you'll move from 60% to more how the best for the rest of the season. Thank you very much. Yeah man so Fletcher there had a good game two goals to it.


This study evaluated the functional outcomes and mortality following hip fracture surgery in elderly patients and identified independent risk factors for mortality, poor hip function, and poor ability to perform activities of daily living. The mortality rate was 15.6% with advanced age, male gender, living in a rural area, self-reported diabetes, tumor, preoperative delay, postoperative drainage use, elevated white blood cell count, reduced red blood cell count, low platelet count, low albumin level, and high creatinine kinase level being independent factors for mortality. Independent factors for poor hip function included male gender, elevated white blood cell count, lower hemoglobin level, and low albumin level. Independent factors for poor ability to perform activities of daily living included diagnosis of trochanteric fracture, preoperative delay, postoperative drainage use, elevated white blood cell count, lower hemoglobin level, low platelet count, and low albumin level. This article was authored by Defei Meng, Chia Yubai, Hao Tianwu, and others. We are article.tv, links in the description below.


CHAPTER 41 THE MONTHS AFTER OWNATON, whatever minor troubles they might bring him, were all overshadowed by remorse. When Helen looked back, she could philosophize, or she could look into the future and plan for her child, but the father saw nothing beyond his own sin. Weeks afterwards, in the midst of other occupations, he would suddenly cry out, Brute, you Brute, I couldn't have, and be rent into two people who held dialogues. Or brown rain would descend, blotting out faces in the sky. Even Jackie noticed the change in him. Most terrible were his sufferings when he awoke from sleep. Sometimes he was happy at first, but grew conscious of a burden hanging to him and weighing down his thoughts when they would move. Or little iron scorched his body. Or swords stabbed him. He would sit at the edge of his bed, holding his heart and moaning, Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? Nothing brought ease. He could put distance between him and the trespass, but it grew in his soul. This is not among the eternal verities. The Greeks were right to dethrone her. Her action is too capricious, as though the Aranese selected for punishment only certain men and certain sins. And of all means to regeneration, remorse is surely the most wasteful. It cuts away healthy tissues with the poisoned. It is a knife that probes far deeper than the evil. Leonard was driven straight through its torments and emerged pure, but enfeebled. A better man who would never lose control of himself again, but also a smaller man who had less to control. Nor did purity mean peace. The use of the knife can become a habit as hard to shake off his passion itself, and Leonard continued to start with a cry out of dreams. He built up a situation that was far enough from the truth. It never occurred to him that Helen was to blame. He forgot the intensity of their talk, the charm that had been lent to him by sincerity, the magic of oneton under darkness, and of the whispering river. Helen loved the absolute. Leonard had been ruined absolutely, and had appeared to her as a man apart, isolated from the world. A real man who cared for adventure and beauty, who desired to live decently and pay his way, who could have traveled more gloriously through life than the juggernaut car that was crushing him. Memories of Evie's wedding had warped her, the starched servants, the yards of uneaten food, the rustle of overdressed women, motor cars oozing grease on the gravel, rubbish on a pretentious band. She had tasted the leaves of this on her arrival. In the darkness after failure they intoxicated her. She and the victim seemed alone in the world of unreality, and she loved him absolutely, perhaps for half an hour. In the morning she was gone, the note that she left, tender and hysterical in tone, and intended to be most kind, hurt her lover terribly. It was as if some work of art had been broken by him, some picture in the national gallery slashed out of its frame. When he recalled her talents at her social position he felt that the first passerby had a right to shoot him down. He was afraid of the waitress and the porters at the railway station. He was afraid at first of his wife, though later he was to regard her with a strange new tenderness and to think there is nothing to choose between us after all. The expedition to Schwabshire crippled the Bastes after all. Helen in her flight forgot to settle the hotel bill and took their return tickets away with her. They had to pawn Jackie's bangles to get home, and the smash came a few days afterwards. It is true that Helen offered him five thousand pounds, but such a sum meant nothing to him. He could not see that the girl was desperately writing herself and trying to save something out of the disaster, if it was only five thousand pounds. But he had to live somehow. He returned to his family and degraded himself to a professional beggar. There was nothing else for him to do. A letter from Leonard, thought Blanche's sister, and after all this time she hid it so that her husband should not see it, and when he had gone to his work read it with some emotion and sent the prodigal a little money out of her dress allowance. A letter from Leonard, said the other sister Laura a few days later. She showed it to her husband. He wrote a cruel, insolent reply, but sent more money than Blanche, so Leonard soon wrote to him again. And during the winter the system was developed. Leonard realized that they need never starve because it would be too painful for his relatives. Society is based on the family, and the clever waste roll can exploit this indefinitely. With that a generous thought on either side, pounds and pounds passed. The donors disliked Leonard, and he grew to hate them intensely. When Laura censured his immoral marriage, he thought bitterly, she minds that. What would she say if she knew the truth? When Blanche's husband offered him work he found some pretext for avoiding it. He had wanted to work keenly at Oneton, but too much anxiety had shattered him. He was joining the unemployable. When his brother, the lay reader, did not reply to a letter, he wrote again saying that he and Jackie would come down to his village on foot. He did not intend this as blackmail. Still the brother sent a postal order, and it became part of the system. And so passed his winter and his spring. In the horror there are two bright spots. He never confused the past. He remained alive and blessed are those who live, if it is only to a sense of sinfulness. The anodyne of muddled them, by which most men blur and blend their mistakes, never past Leonard's lips. And if I drink oblivion of the day, so shorten I the stature of my soul. It is a hard saying and a hard man wrote it, but it lies at the foot of all character. And the other bright spot was his tenderness for Jackie. He pitied her with nobility now, not the contemptuous pity of a man who sticks to a woman through thick and thin. He tried to be less irritable. He wondered what her hungry eyes desired, nothing that she could express, or that he or any man could give her. Would she ever receive the justice that is mercy, the justice for byproducts, that the world is too busy to bestow? Choose fond of flowers, generous with money, and not revengeful. If she had borne him a child he might have cared for her. Unmarried Leonard would never have begged. He would have flickered out and died, but the whole of life is mixed. He had to provide for Jackie and went down dirty paths that she might have a few feathers and dishes of food that suited her. One day he caught sight of Margaret and her brother. He was at St. Paul's. He had entered the cathedral partly to avoid the rain and partly to see the picture that had educated him in former years. But the light was bad, the picture ill-placed, and time and judgment were inside him now. Death alone still charmed him with her lap of poppies on which all men shall sleep. He took one glance and turned aimlessly away toward a chair. Then down the nave he saw Miss Shaggle and her brother. They stood in the faraway passages and their faces were extremely grave. He was perfectly certain that they were in trouble about their sister. Once outside, and he fled immediately, he wished that he had spoken to them. What was his life? What were a few angry words or even imprisonment? He had done wrong, that was the true terror. Whatever they might know he would tell them everything he knew. He re-entered St. Paul's, but they had moved in his absence and had gone to lay their difficulties before Mr. Wilcox and Charles. The sight of Margaret turned remorse into new channels. He desired to confess, and though the desire is proof of a weakened nature which is about to lose the essence of human intercourse, it did not take an ignoble form. He did not suppose that confession would bring him happiness. It was rather that he yearned to get clear of the tangle. So does the suicide yearn. The impulses are akin, and the crime of suicide lies rather in its disregard for the feelings of those whom we leave behind. Confession need harm, no one. It can satisfy that test. And though it was un-English and ignored by our Anglican cathedral, Leonard had a right to decide upon it. Moreover, he trusted Margaret. He wanted her hardness now. That cold intellectual nature of hers would be just, if unkind. He would do whatever she told him even if he had to see Helen. That was the supreme punishment she would exact. And perhaps she would tell him how Helen was. That was the supreme reward. He knew nothing about Margaret, not even whether she was married to Mr. Wilcox, and tracking her out took several days. That evening he toiled through the wet to Wickham Place where the new flats were now appearing. Was he also the cause of their move? Were they expelled from society on his account? Thenced to a public library, but could find no satisfactory shaggle in the directory. On the morrow he searched again. He hung about outside Mr. Wilcox's office at lunchtime, and as the clerks came out said, Excuse me, sir, but is your boss married? Most of them stared. Some said, What's it to you? But one who had not yet acquired reticence told him what he wished. Margaret could not learn the private address. That necessitated more trouble with directories and tubes. Ducey Street was not discovered until Monday, the day that Margaret and her husband went down on their hunting expedition to Howard's End. He called at about four o'clock. The weather had changed, and the sun shone gaily on the ornamental steps, black and white marble and triangles. Margaret lowered his eyes to them after ringing the bell. He felt in curious health. Doors seemed to be opening and shutting inside his body, and he had been obliged to sleep sitting up in bed with his back propped against the wall. When the parlor maid came, he could not see her face. The brown rain had descended suddenly. Does Mrs. Wilcox live here? She's out, was the answer. When will she be back? I'll ask. said the parlor maid. Margaret had given instructions that no one who mentioned her name should ever be rebuffed. Putting the door on the chain, for Leonard's appearance demanded this, she went through to the smoking room which was occupied by Tibby. Tibby was asleep. He had a good lunch. Charles Wilcox had not yet rung him up for the distracting interview. He said drowsily, I don't know, Hilton, Howard's End. Who is it? I'll ask, sir. No, don't bother. They've taken the car to Howard's End, said the parlor maid to Leonard. He thanked her and asked whereabouts that place was. You appear to want to know a great deal, she remarked, but Margaret had forbidden her to be mysterious. She told him against her better judgment that Howard's End was in Hertfordshire. Is it a village, please? Village? It's Mr. Wilcox's private house. At least it's one of them. Mrs. Wilcox keeps her furniture there. Hilton is the village. Yes, and when will they be back? Mr. Shaggle doesn't know. We can't know everything, can we?  He loitered away another night of agony. Confession grew more difficult. As soon as possible he went to bed. He watched a patch of moonlight cross the floor of their lodging, and as sometimes happens when the mind is overtaxed. He fell asleep for the rest of the room, but kept awake for the patch of moonlight, horrible. Then began one of those disintegrating dialogues. Part of him said, why horrible is ordinary light from the room? But it moves. So does the moon, but it is a clenched fist. Why not? But it is going to touch me. Let it. When seeming to gather motion the patch ran up his blanket. Presently a blue snake appeared, then another parallel to it. Is there life in the moon? Of course. But I thought it was uninhabited. Not by time death judgment in the smaller snakes. Smaller snakes, said Leonard indignantly and loud, what a notion. By a rending effort of the will he woke the rest of the room up. He ate the bed, their food, their clothes on the chair, gradually entered his consciousness, and the horror vanished outwards like a ring that is spreading through water. I say, Jackie, I'm going out for a bit. She was breathing regularly. The patch of light fell clear of the striped blanket and began to cover the shawl that lay over her feet. Why had he been afraid? He went to the window and saw that the moon was descending through a clear sky. He saw her volcanoes in the bright expanses that a gracious air has named seas. They paled for the sun who had lit them up was coming to light the earth. Sea of serenity, sea of tranquility, ocean of the lunar storms merged into one lucent drop itself to slip into the Sempti-Ternaldon. And then he had been afraid of the moon. He dressed among the contending lights and went through his money. It was running low again, but enough for a return ticket to Hilton. As it clinked, Jackie opened her eyes. Hello then, what ho, then? What ho, Jackie? See you later. She turned over and slept. The house was unlocked, their landlord being a salesman at Covent Garden. Leonard passed out and made his way down to the station. The train, though it did not start for an hour, was already drawn up at the end of the platform, and he lay down in it and slept. With the first jolt he was in daylight. They had left the gateways of King's Cross and were under blue skies. Tunnels followed, and after each the sky grew bluer. And from the embankment at Finsbury Park he had his first sight of the sun. It rolled along behind the eastern smokes, a wheel whose fellow was the descending sun. And as yet it seemed the servant of the blue sky was not its lord. He dozed again. Over the towen water it was day. To the left fell the shadow of the embankment and its arcs to the right. Leonard saw up into the towen woods and towards the church with its wild legend of immortality. Six forest trees, that is a fact, grow out of one in the graves of towen churchyard. The grave's occupant, that is the legend, is an atheist who declared that if God existed six forest trees would grow out of her grave. These things in Hertfordshire and farther afield lay the house of a hermit. Mrs. Wilcox had known him, who barred himself up and wrote prophecies and gave all he had to the poor, while powdered in between were the villas of businessmen who saw life more steadily, though with the steadiness of the half-closed eye. Overall the sun was streaming, to all the birds were singing, to all the primroses were yellow, and the speed well blue and the country, however they interpreted her, was uttering her cry of now. She did not free Leonard yet, and the knife plunged deeper into his heart as the train drew up at Hilton, but remorse had become beautiful. Hilton was asleep or at the earliest, breakfasting. Leonard noticed the contrast when he stepped out of it into the country. Here men had been up since dawn, their hours were ruled not by a London office but by the movements of the crops in the sun, that they were men of the finest type only the sentimentalist can declare, but they kept to the life of daylight, they are England's hope. Thumsly they carry forward the torch of the sun until such time as the nation sees fit to take it up. Half-clawed hopper, half-board school-prig, they could still throw back to a nobler stock and breed yeoman. At the chalk-pit a motor passed him. In it was another type, whom nature favors, the imperial, healthy ever in motion it hopes to inherit the earth. It breeds as quickly as the yeoman and as soundly, strong as the temptation to acclaim it as a super-yeoman who carries his country's virtue overseas, but the imperialist is not what he thinks or seems. He is a destroyer, he prepares the way for cosmopolitanism and though his ambitions may be fulfilled the earth that he inherits will be gray. To Leonard, intent on his private sin, there came the conviction of innate goodness elsewhere. It was not the optimism which he had been taught at school. Again and again must the drums tap and the goblins stalk over the universe before joy can be purged of the superficial. It was rather paradoxical and arose from his sorrow. Death destroys a man, but the idea of death saves him. That is the best account of it that he has yet been given. Squalor and tragedy can beckon to all that is great in us and strengthen the wings of love. They can beckon, it is not certain that they will, for they are not love servants, but they can beckon and the knowledge of this incredible truth comforted him. As he approached the house all thoughts stopped. Contradictory notions stood side by side in his mind. He was terrified but happy, ashamed, but had done no sin. He knew the confession. This is Wilcox I have done wrong. That sunrise had robbed its meaning and he felt rather on a supreme adventure. He entered a garden, steadied himself against a motor car that he found in it, found a door open and entered a house. Yes, it would be very easy. From a room to the left he heard voices, margrits amongst them. His own name was called loud and the man whom he had never seen said, Oh, is he here? I am not surprised. I now thrash him within an inch of his life. Mrs. Wilcox said, Leonard, I have done wrong. The man took him by the collared and cried, Bring me a stick. Women were screaming. A stick very bright descended. It hurt him not where it descended, but in the heart. Books fell over him in a shower. Nothing had sense. That's some water, commanded Charles, who had all through kept very calm. He's shamming. Of course I only used the blade. Here carry him out into the air. Thinking that he understood these things, Margaret obeyed him. They laid Leonard, who was dead, on the gravel, hell and poured water over him. That's enough, said Charles. Yes, murder's enough, said Miss Avery, coming out of the house with the sword. CHAPTER 42 When Charles left Ducey Street, he had caught the first train home, but had no inkling of the newest development until late at night. Then his father, who had dined alone, sent for him and in a very grave tone inquired for Margaret. I don't know where she is, Potter, said Charles. Dolly kept back dinner nearly an hour for her. Tell me when she comes in. Another hour passed. The servants went to bed, and Charles visited his father again to receive further instructions. Mrs. Wilcox had still not returned. I'll sit up for her as late as you like, but she can hardly be coming. Isn't she stopping with her sister at the hotel? Perhaps, said Mr. Wilcox thoughtfully. Perhaps. Can I do anything for you, sir? Not tonight, my boy. Mr. Wilcox liked being called, sir. He raised his eyes and gave his son more open a look of tenderness than he usually ventured. He saw Charles as little boy and strong man in one. Though his wife had proved unstable, his children were left to him. After midnight he tapped on Charles's door. I can't sleep, he said. I had better have a talk with you and get it over. He complained of the heat. Charles took him out into the garden, and they paced up and down in their dressing gowns. Charles became very quiet as the story unrolled. He had known all along that Margaret was as bad as her sister. She will feel differently in the morning, said Mr. Wilcox, who had, of course, said nothing about Mrs. Bast, but I cannot let this kind of thing continue without comment. I am morally certain that she is with her sister at Howard's end. The house is mine, and Charles, it will be yours. And when I say that no one is to live there, I mean that no one is to live there. I won't have it. He looked angrily at the moon. To my mind this question is connected with something far greater, the rights of property itself. Undoubtedly, said Charles. Mr.  I don't want you to conclude that my wife and I had anything of the nature of a quarrel. She was only overwrought as who would not be. I shall do what I can for Helen, but on the understanding that they clear out of the house at once. Do you see? That is a sine qua non. Then at eight tomorrow I may go up in the car, eight or earlier. Say that you are acting as my representative and, of course, use no violence, Charles. On the morrow, as Charles returned, leaving Leonard dead upon the gravel, it did not seem to him that he had used violence. Death was due to heart disease. His stepmother herself had said so, and even Ms. Avery had acknowledged that he only used the flat of the sword. On his way through the village he informed the police who thanked him and said there must be an inquest. He found his father in the garden, shading his eyes from the sun. It has been pretty horrible, said Charles gravely. They were there, and they had the man up there with them, too. What? What man?  My God, is it possible, said Mr. Wilcox? In your mother's house? Charles, in your mother's house? I know, Patter. That was what I felt. As a matter of fact there is no need to trouble about the man. He was in the last stages of heart disease, and just before I could show him what I thought of him, he went off. The police are seeing about it at this moment. Mr. Wilcox listened attentively. I got up there, oh, couldn't it then more than half past seven? The Avery woman was lighting a fire by then. They were still upstairs. I waited in the drawing-room. You were all moderately civil and collected, though I had my suspicions. I gave them their message, and Mrs. Wilcox said, oh yes, I see, yes, in that way of hers. Nothing else? I promised to tell you, with her love, that she was going to Germany with her sister this evening. That was all we had time for. Mr. Wilcox seemed relieved. As by then I suppose the man got tired of hiding, for suddenly Mrs. Wilcox screamed out his name. I recognized it, and I went for him in the hall. Was I right, Potter? I thought things were going a little too far. Right, my dear boy? I don't know. But you would have been no son of mine if you hadn't. Then did he just, just crumple up, as you said? He shrunk from the simple word. He caught hold of the bookcase, which came down over him. So I merely put the sword down and carried him into the garden. We all thought he was shamming. However, he's dead, right enough. Awful business. Sword? cried his father with anxiety in his voice. What sword? Whose sword? A sword of theirs. What were you doing with it? Well, didn't you see, Potter? I had to snatch up the first thing handy. I hadn't a riding whip or a stick. I caught him once or twice over the shoulders with a flat of their old German sword. Then what? He pulled over the bookcase, as I said, and fell, said Charles with a sigh. It was no fun doing errands for his father, who was never quite satisfied. But the real cause was heart disease? A bat or sure? Bat or a fit? However, we shall hear more enough at the inquest on such unsavory topics. They went to breakfast. Charles had a racking headache, consequent to motoring before food. He was also anxious about the future, reflecting that the police must detain Helen and Margaret for the inquest and ferret the whole thing out. He saw himself obliged to leave Hilton. One could not afford to live near the scene of a scandal. It was not fair on one's wife. His comfort was that the potter's eyes were opened at last. There would be a horrible smash-up and probably a separation from Margaret. Then they would all start again, more as they had been in mother's time. I think I'll go round to the police station, said his father when breakfast was over. What for? cried Dolly, who had still not been told. Very well, sir. Which car will you have? I think I'll walk. It's a good half-mile, said Charles, stepping into the garden. The sun's very hot for April. Shant I take you up and then perhaps a little spin round Tewan? You go on, as if I didn't know my own mind, said Mr. Wilcox spreadfully. Charles hardened his mouth. You young fellows, one idea is to get into a motor. I tell you I want to walk. I'm very fond of walking. Oh, all right, I'm about the house, if you want me for anything. I thought of not going up to the office today, if that is your wish. It is indeed my boy, said Mr. Wilcox, and laid a hand on his sleeve. Charles did not like it. He was uneasy about his father, who did not seem himself this morning. There was a petulant touch about him, more like a woman. Could it be that he was growing old? The Wilcoxes were not lacking in affection. They had it royally, but they did not know how to use it, with the talent in the napkin, and for a warm-hearted man Charles had conveyed very little joy. As he watched his father shuffling up the road, he had a vague regret, wish that something had been different somewhere, a wish, though he did not express it thus, that he had been taught to say, I, in his youth. He meant to make up for Margaret's defection, but knew that his father had been very happy with her until yesterday. How had she done it? By some dishonest trick, no doubt, but how? Mr. Wilcox reappeared at eleven, looking very tired. There was to be an inquest on Leonard's body tomorrow, and the police required his son to attend. I expected that, said Charles. I shall naturally be the most important witness there. End of Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Howard's End This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, all to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. This reading by Lucy Burgoyne Howard's End by Edward Morgan Forster Chapter 43 Out of turmoil and horror that had begun with Aunt Julie's illness and was not even to end with Leonard's death, it seemed impossible to Margaret that healthy life should re-emerge. Events succeeded in a logical yet senseless train.  It was natural that Henry should do this and cause Helen to do that, and then think her wrong for doing it. Natural that she herself should think him wrong. Natural that Leonard should want to know how Helen was, and come, and Charles be angry with him for coming natural but unreal. In this jangle of causes and effects what had become of their true selves, here Leonard lay dead in the garden from natural causes, yet life was a deep, deep river, death a blue sky, life was a house, death a whisk of hay, a flower, a tower, life and death were anything and everything except this ordered insanity, where the king takes the queen and the ace the king. Ah no, there was beauty and adventure behind, such as the man at her feet had yearned for. There was hope this side of the grave, there were truer relationships beyond the limits that fetter us now. As the prisoner looks up and sees stars beckoning, so she, from the turmoil and horror of those days, caught glimpses of the divine of wheels. And Helen, dumb with fright, but trying to keep calm for the child's sake, and misavery calm but murmuring tenderly, no one ever told the lad he'll have a child. They also reminded her that horror is not the end. To what ultimate harmony we tend, she did not know, but there seemed great chance that a child would be born into the world, to take the great chances of beauty and adventure that the world offers. She moved through the sunlit garden, gathering narcosy, crimsoned eyed and white. There was nothing else to be done, the time for telegrams and anger was over, and it seemed wisest that the hands of Leonard should be folded on his breast and be filled with flowers. Here was the father, leave it at that, let squalor be turned into tragedy, whose eyes are the stars and whose hands hold the sunset and the dawn. And even the influx of officials, even the return of the doctor, vulgar and acute, could not shake her belief in the eternity of beauty. Science explained people, but could not understand them. After long centuries among the bones and muscles it might be advancing to knowledge of the nerves, but this would never give understanding. One could open the heart to Mr. Mansbridge, and he sought without discovering its secrets to them, for they wanted everything down in black and white, and black and white was exactly what they were left with. They questioned her closely about Charles. She never suspected why. Death had come, and the doctor agreed that it was due to heart disease. They asked to see her father's sword. She explained that Charles's anger was natural, but mistaken. Miserable questions about Leonard followed, all of which she answered unfilteringly. Then back to Charles again. No doubt Mr. Wilcox may have induced death, she said, but if it wasn't one thing it would have been another, as you yourselves know. At last they thanked her, and took the sword and the body down to Hilton. She began to pick up the books from the floor. Helen had gone to the farm, it was the best place for her, since she had to wait for the inquest, though as if things were not hard enough, Maj and her husband had raised trouble. They did not see why they should receive the offscourings of Howard's end. And of course they were right, the whole will was going to be right, and amply avenge any brave talk against the conventions. Nothing matters, the shlengels had said in the past, except one's self-respect and that of one's friends. When the time came, other things mattered terribly, however Maj had yielded, and Helen was assured of peace for one day and night, and tomorrow she would return to Germany. As for herself, she determined to go too. No message came from Henry, perhaps he expected her to apologise. Now that she had time to think over her own tragedy, she was unrepentant. She neither forgave him for his behaviour nor wished to forgive him. Her speech to him seemed perfect, she would not have altered a word, it had to be uttered once in a life, to adjust the lopsidedness of the world. It was spoken not only to her husband, but to thousands of men like him, a protest against the inner darkness in high places that comes with a commercial age. Though he would build up his life without hers, she could not apologise. He had refused to connect on the clearest issue that can be laid before a man, and their love must take the consequences. No, there was nothing more to be done, they had tried not to go over the precipice, but perhaps the fall was inevitable, and it comforted her to think that the future was certainly inevitable. Cause and effect would go jangling forward to some goal doubtless, but to none that she could imagine. At such moments the soul retires within, to float upon the bosom of a deeper stream, and has communion with the dead, and sees the world's glory not diminished, but different in kind to what she has supposed. She alters her focus until trivial things are blurred. Margaret had been tending this way all the winter. Margaret's death brought her to the goal, alas that Henry should fade away as reality emerged, and only her love for him should remain clear, stamped with his image like the cameos we rescue out of dreams. With unfaltering eyes she traced his future. He would soon present a healthy mind to the world again, and what did he or the world care if he was rotten at the core? He would grow into a rich jolly old man, at times a little sentimental about women, but emptying his glass with anyone. Tenacious of power he would keep Charles and the rest dependent, and retire from business reluctantly, an at an advanced age. He would settle down, though she could not realise this. In her eyes Henry was always moving, and causing others to move, until the ends of the earth met. But in time he must get too tired to move, and settle down. What next, the inevitable word, the release of the soul to its appropriate heaven? Would they meet in it, Margaret believed in, immortality for herself, an internal future had always seemed natural to her, and Henry believed in it for himself? Yet, would they meet again, are there no rather endless levels beyond the grave, as the theory that he had censored teaches, and his level, whether higher or lower, could it possibly be the same as hers? Thus gravely meditating she was summoned by him. He sent up Crane in the motor. Other servants passed like water, but the chauffeur remained, though impertinent and disloyal. Margaret disliked Crane, and he knew it. Is it the keys that Mr Wilcox wants? He asked. He didn't say, Madam. You haven't any note for me? He didn't say, Madam. After a moment's thought she locked up Howard's end. It was pitiable to see in it the stirrings of warmth that would be quenched forever. She raved out the fire that was blazing in the kitchen, and spread the coals in the gravel yard. She closed the windows and drew the curtains. Henry would probably sell the place now. She was determined not to spare him, for nothing new had happened as far as they were concerned. Her mood might never have altered from yesterday evening. He was standing a little outside Charles's gate, and motioned the car to stop. When his wife got out, he said hoarsely, I prefer to discuss things with you outside. It will be more appropriate in the road. I am afraid, said Margaret, did you get my message? What about? I am going to Germany with my sister. I must tell you now that I shall make it my permanent home. Our talk last night was more important than you have realised. I am unable to forgive you, and am leaving you. I am extremely tired, said Henry, in injured tones. I have been walking about all the morning, and wish to sit down. Certainly, if you will consent to sit on the grass. The Great North Road should have been bordered all its length with glee. Henry's kind had flinched most of it. She moved to the scrap opposite, wherein were the six hills. They sat down on the farther side, so that they could not be seen by Charles or Dolly. Here are your keys, said Margaret. She tossed them towards him. They fell on the sunlit slope of grass, and he did not pick them up. I have something to tell you, he said gently. She knew this superficial gentleness, this confession of hastiness, that was only intended to enhance her admiration of the male. I do not want to hear it, she replied. My sister is going to the eel. My life is going to be with her now.  Where are you going? Munich. We start after the inquest, if she is not too ill. After the inquest, yes. Have you realised what the verdict at the inquest will be? Yes, heart disease. No, my dear, Manslaughter. Margaret drove her fingers through the grass. The hill beneath her moved as if it was alive. Manslaughter, repeated Mr. Wilcox, Charles may go to prison. I do not tell him, I do not know what to do, what to do. I am broken, I am ended. No saddened warmth arose in her. She did not see that to break him was her only hope. She did not infold the supper in her arms, but all through that day and the next, her new life began to move. The verdict was brought in. Charles was committed for trial. It was against all reason that he should be punished, but the law, being made in his image, sentenced him to three years imprisonment. Then Henry's fortress gave way. He could bear no one but his wife. He shambled up to Margaret, afterwards, and asked her to do what she could with him. She did what seemed easiest. She took him down to recruit at Howard's End. CHAPTER 44 Tom's father was cutting the big meadow. He passed again and again amid whirring blades and sweet odours of grass, encompassing with narrowing circles the sacred centre of the field. Tom was negotiating with Helen. I have any idea, she replied. Do you suppose, baby Meg, Margaret put down her work and regarded them absently? What was that? She asked. Tom wants to know whether baby is old enough to play with hay. I haven't the least notion, answered Margaret, and took up her work again. Now, Tom, baby is not to stand. He is not to lie on his face. He is not to lie so that his head wags. He is not to be teased or tickled, and he is not to be cut into two or more pieces by the cutter, where you be as careful as all that. Tom held out his arms. That child is a wonderful nursemaid, remarked Margaret. He's found a baby. That's why he does it, was Helen's answer. They're going to be lifelong friends. Starting at the ages of six and one, of course, it will be a great thing for Tom. It may be a greater thing for baby. Fourteen months had passed, but Margaret still stopped at Howard's End. No better plan had occurred to her. The meadow was being re-cut. The great red poppies were reopening in the garden. July would follow with the little red poppies among the wheat. August with the cutting of the wheat. These little events would become part of her year after year. Every summer she would fear less the well should give out. Every winter less the pipes should freeze. Every westerly gale might blow the witch elm down and bring the end of all things, and so she could not read or talk during a westerly gale. The air was tranquil now. She and her sister were sitting on the remains of Evee's mockery, where the Lord merged into the field. What a time they all are, said Helen. What can they be doing inside? Margaret, who was growing less talkative, made no answer. The noise of the cutter came intermittently, like the breaking of waves. First by them a man was preparing to sky out one of the dull holes. I wish Henry was out to enjoy this, said Helen, this lovely weather, and to be shut up in the house. It's very hard. It has to be, said Margaret. The hay fever is his cheap objection against living here, that he thinks it worthwhile. Meg is or isn't he ill? I can't make out. Not ill. Eternally tired. He has worked very hard all his life and noticed nothing. Those are the people who collapse when they do notice a thing. I suppose he worries dreadfully about his part of the tangle. Dreadfully, that is why I wish Dolly had not come to today. Still he wanted them all to come. It has to be. Why does he want them? Margaret did not answer. Meg, may I tell you something? I like Henry. You'd be odd if you didn't, said Margaret. I use him too. Use him?  They had crossed it, always expecting Leonard and Charles. They were building up a new life, obscure yet gilded with tranquility. Leonard was dead. Charles had two years more in prison. One nuisance, always to see, clearly before that time. It was different now. I like Henry because he does worry.  Howl inside.  After a time, she said, above love, a transition less abrupt than it appeared. Margaret never stopped working. I mean a woman's love for a man. I supposed I should hang my life onto that once, and was driven up and down and about as if something was worrying through me. But everything is peaceful now. I seem cured. That her force-meister, whom Frieda keeps writing about, must be a noble character, but he doesn't see that I shall never marry him or anyone. It isn't shame or mistrust of myself. I simply couldn't. I'm ended. I used to be so dreamy about a man's love as a girl, and think that the good or evil love must be the great thing, but it hasn't been. It has been itself a dream. Do you agree? I do not agree. I do not. I ought to remember Leonard as my lover, said Helen, stepping down into the field. I tempted him and killed him, and it is surely the least I can do. I would like to throw out all my heart to Leonard on such an afternoon as this, but I cannot. It is no good pretending.  Tommy. Yes, please. Baby's not to try and stand. There's something wanting in me. I see you loving Henry and understanding him better daily. I know that death wouldn't part you in the least, but I, is it some awful appalling, criminal defect, Margaret silenced her. She said, it is only that people are far more different than he's pretended. All over the world men and women are worrying because they cannot develop as they are supposed to develop. Here and there they have the matter out, and it comforts them. Don't fret yourself, Helen. Develop what you have. Love your child. I do not love children. I am thankful to have none.  And others, others go farther still and move outside humanity altogether. A place as well as a person may catch the glow. Don't you see that all this leads to comfort in the end? It is part of the battle against sameness, differences, eternal differences planted by God in a single family, so that there may always be colour, sorrow perhaps, but colour in the daily grey. Then I can't have you worrying about Leonard. Don't drag in the personal when it will not come. Forget him. Yes, yes, but what has Leonard got out of life? Perhaps an adventure. Is that enough? Not for us, but for him.  She looked at the sorrel and the red and white and yellow clover and the quaker grass and the daisies and the beds that composed it. She raised it to her face. Is it sweetening yet? Ask Margaret. No, only withered. It will sweeten tomorrow.  Think of the bracket and torture this time last year, but now I couldn't stop unhappy if I tried.  O, we merely settled down. You and Henry learnt to understand one another and to forgive, all through the autumn and the winter. Yes, but who settled as down? Margaret did not reply. The sky thing had begun and she took off her pins now to watch it.  Living here was your plan.  Think of our lives without you, Meg, I and Baby, with Monica, revolting by theory. He handed about from Dolly to Eve, but you picked up the pieces and made us a home. Can't it strike you even for a moment that your life has been heroic? Can't you remember the two months after Charles's arrest when you begun to act and did all? You were both ill at the time, said Margaret. I did the obvious things. I had two invalids to nurse. Here was a house, ready furnished and empty. It was obvious. I didn't know myself it would turn into a permanent home. No doubt I have done a little towards straightening the tangle, but things that I can't phrase have helped me. I hope it will be permanent, said Helen, drifting away to other thoughts. I think so. There are moments when I feel how it's in, particularly our own. All the same, London's creaking. She pointed over the meadow, over eight or nine meadows, but at the end of them was a red rust. You see that in Surrey and even Hampshire now. She continued, I can see it from the pew-backed downs, and London is only part of something else. I'm afraid. Life's going to be melted down all over the world. Margaret knew that her sisters spoke truly. Howard's End, Onerton, the pew-backed downs, and Otterburge were all the survivals, and the melting pot was being prepared for them. Logically, they had no right to be alive. One's hope was in the weakness of logic. Were they possibly the earth-beating time? Because a thing is going strong now, it need not go strong forever, she said. This craze for motion has only set in during the last hundred years. It may be followed by a civilisation that won't be a movement, because it will rest on the earth. All the signs are against it now, but I can't help hoping, and very early in the morning, in the garden, I feel that our house is the future as well as the past. They turned and looked at it, their own memories coloured it now. The Hallon's child had been born in the central room of the nine. Then Margaret said, Oh, take care for something moved behind the window of the hall, and the door opened. The conclaves breaking at last. I'll go. It was poor. Hallon retreated with the children far into the field. Friendly voices greeted her. It rose to encounter a man with a heavy black moustache. My father has asked for you, he said with hostility. She took her work and followed him. We had been talking business, he continued, but I daresay you knew all about it beforehand. Yes, I did. Clumsy of movement, for he had spent all his life in the saddle.  She did not like anything scratched. She stopped in the hall to take Dolly's bower and gloves out of the vase. Her husband was lying in a great leather chair in the dining room, and by his side, holding his hand rather ostentatiously, was Evie. Dolly, dressed in purple, sat near the window. The room was a little dark and airless. They were obliged to keep it like this until the carting of the hay. Margaret joined the family without speaking. The five of them had met already at tea, and she knew quite well what was going to be said. Averse to wasting her time, she went on sewing. The clock struck six. Is this going to suit everyone? said Henry in a weary voice. He used the old phrases, but their effect was unexpected and shadowy, because I don't want you all coming here later on and complaining that I have been unfair. It's apparently got to suit us, said Paul. I beg your pardon, my boy. You have only to speak, and I will leave the house to you instead. Paul frowned ill-temperedly, and began scratching at his arm. As I have given up the outdoor life that suited me, and I have come home to look after the business, it's no good my settling down here, he said at last. It's not really the country, and it's not the town. Very well, does my arrangement suit you, Evie? Of course, Father. And you, Dolly? Dolly raised her faded little face, which sorrow could wither but not steady. Perfectly splendidly, she said. I thought Charles wanted it for the boys, but last time I saw him, he said no, because we cannot possibly live in this part of England again. Charles says we ought to change our name, but I cannot think what to. The Wilcox just suits Charles and me, and I can't think of any other name. There was a general silence. Dolly looked nervously round, fearing that she had been inappropriate. Paul continued to scratch his arm. Then I leave Howard's Inn to my wife, absolutely, said Henry, and let everyone understand that, and after I am dead, let there be no jealousy and no surprise. Margaret did not answer, there was something uncanny in her triumph. She, who had never expected to conquer anyone, had charged straight through these Wilcoxes and broken up their lives. In consequence, I leave my wife, no money, said Henry. That is her own wish. All that she would have had will be divided among you. I am also giving you a great deal in my lifetime, so that you may be independent of me. That is her wish too. She also is giving away a great deal of money. She intends to diminish her income by half during the next ten years. She intends, when she dies, to leave the house to her, to her nephew down in the field. Is all that clear? Does everyone understand? Paul rose to his feet. He was accustomed to natives, and a very little shook him out of the Englishman. Being manly and cynical, he said, down in the field, oh, come, I think we might have had the whole establishment. Picaninis included, Mrs. Clare Hill whispered, don't Paul, you promised you'd take care. Feeling a woman of the world, she rose and prepared to take her leave. Her father kissed her. Goodbye, old girl, he said, don't you worry about me. Goodbye, dad. Then it was Dolly's turn, anxious to contribute. She laughed nervously and said, goodbye, Mr. Wilcox. It does seem curious that Mrs. Wilcox should have left Margaret Howard's end, and yet she'd get it after all. From Evie came a sharply drawn breath. Goodbye, she said to Margaret, and kissed her.  Goodbye, goodbye, Dolly, so long, father. Goodbye, my boy. Always take care of yourself. Goodbye, Mrs. Wilcox. Goodbye. Margaret saw their visitors to the gate.  He was pitiably tired, but Dolly's remark had interested her. At last she said, could you tell me, Henry, what was that about Mrs. Wilcox having left me Howard's end? Tranquillly he replied, yes, she did, but that is a very old story. When she was ill and you were so kind to her, she wanted to make you some return. And not being herself at the time, scribbled Howard's end on a piece of paper. I went into it thoroughly, and as it was clearly fanciful, I set it aside, little knowing what my Margaret would be to me in the future. Margaret was silent, something shook her life in its inmost recesses, and she shivered. I didn't do wrong, did I? He asked, bending down. You didn't, darling, nothing has been done wrong. From the garden came laughter. Here they are at last, exclaimed Henry, disengaging himself with a smile. Helen rushed into the gloom, holding Tom by one hand and carrying her baby on the other. There were shouts of infectious joy. The fields cut, Helen cried excitedly. The big meadow was seen to the very end, and it'll be such a crop of hay as never. Waybridge, 1908 to 1910. End of Howard's End by Edward Morgan Forster.