For me, it's about the time and the opportunity costs a lot of high income earning women. They tend to not be nurturing, they tend to be inherently disagreeable. They tend to be unpleasant people. It works phenomenally if you're trying to make a partner at the law firm. It doesn't work so well inside. Alright, you ready? Okay, so I'm going to start easy. What's one thing that women don't understand about men based on what you've seen, that if we did, we would receive better outcomes with them?  I thought that was an easy question. Women don't understand, but if they did, they'd receive better outcomes. Men are simple. Part of that is we need space and we need freedom. Unfortunately, because women are nurturing it by nature, sometimes you smother us and it doesn't give us the space to really stretch our legs and the opportunity to miss you. Even when I think in my life, the women who have been the most memorable, it tends to be women who have their own life that they're happy with. What I mean by that, I don't mean a career, necessarily a career woman or whatever, but she's not looking for me to entertain her, whereas the vast majority of women are looking for a man for their own entertainment and for their own kind of satisfaction and not necessarily thinking about things from its perspective. So I think if I could change that one thing, it would have better outcomes. Just understanding that men are simple and that they need space. Okay. There's a lot more to that, but I'm trying to be succinct in these answers. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'm seeing a lot of women, and you probably maybe have heard this too, of women complaining that in the past they have literally begged, pleaded, trying to get men to do certain things or treat them certain ways, and then they end up breaking up with this man and then see him with another woman shortly after and is doing all of the things that she was trying to get him to do for her. And so it's bringing this idea or this notion of if he wanted to, he would. Do you think that that's accurate, that if you're not getting what you want from this man, it's probably because he just doesn't want to, you're not the one? If he moves on shortly after, yes. If it takes some time, like if it's like five years later, 10 years later you see him and now he has a family, whereas he didn't want to commit to you, then it might have just been a maturity thing. He wasn't in a place in life where he was ready for that. But I think for instance, we talk about the divorce rate and it's 50-something percent and 80% are initiated by women. I do think that's incomplete, right? Because although women initiate divorces or breakups, men check out. You know, so there are men who are married or in relationships, but in an attempt not to hurt the woman's feelings, in an attempt not to be the bad guy or in marriage, in an attempt not to lose everything, he'll just, you know, white knuckle it and be like, you know, I'm gonna just hang in there. But all the love and feelings that he had for the woman might be gone. But yeah, it depends on the time, the time period. And the man. It's interesting that you say that because I do hear the divorce rate situation getting brought up a lot. And then the onus is on women that women are not sticking through. Women are not built like how their grandmothers were. Women are not, they're breaking up their homes or homewrecking their own households and stuff like that without that extra context. Yeah, right. And I think both things can be true. Yeah, because it's hard to measure the men who are just sticking in there. But I think that's part of the that's part of this that can't be really measured. But I do know, like, you rarely see men break up with a woman. That was my next question. You see what I'm saying?  But typically, men, we tend to good men, we tend to kind of take ownership and must be me, you know, and then we're fed all these things, you know, from the time we start dating, if the relationship is going well, it's because she's a phenomenal woman. If the relationship is going bad, it's because you're not a good enough man. Right. So a lot of men think, OK, I just need to stick in there, especially if they've made the decision to commit to you, they've made the decision to marry you. Because the other piece, too, is on an ego level, I don't want to admit that I made the wrong decision. OK. So I'm gonna stick in there until I can prove myself right. But sometimes that that's detrimental. I was going to ask you that question because I've heard men say that before, that I don't break up with women. This is what they said. Well, this is what this one said. Well, he said I make them so miserable that they break up with me. I don't know about that. But essentially, I mean, when you have checked out of the relationship, you people can tell like she can tell she is miserable. She knows that you're not as affectionate as you were as a tenant. You don't really care what she's doing. You like are just kind of like women can tell and it does make them miserable. That's interesting. Thank you, Alan. I think it will change, though. How? I think one of the benefits. At least that I'm excited of when it comes to this. Even though they are negative parts, but this whole man is fair dialogue is men are finally learning that we don't have to tolerate everything. We don't have to. We're not always the problem. It's important for us to be happened to, you know, like we're brought up on a whole happy wife, happy life. It's really happy spouse, happy house. Right. So so men are saying that. Yeah, if this woman isn't living up to her end of the bargain, you know, I have every right to leave. Now, unfortunately, when it comes to like child support and alimony and divorce court and stuff like that, there's still hesitations. But I think generally men are saying, you know, I matter to. So I have a question going off of that because I know Kevin Samuels would talk about this often when women would say that they got divorced because they weren't happy. And he was like marriage isn't about happiness in your vows. You're not. Happiness isn't a part of its duty and all these things. How do you think? Or what do you think is the appropriate way to balance that? Because I don't necessarily think it is productive, even for the children if you are in a marriage that's not filled with some semblance of happiness at some point, but then at the same time, I do think that there is duty associated with the commitment of being in a relationship or being married to someone. So how do you balance that? Because you're not going to be happy all the time. Right. No, it's not about happiness or it is definitely not about the other person making you happy, right? Because I don't think another person can make you happy. If you're unfulfilled within yourself, nobody can fill that void but you. But it's about holding up your end of the bargain, because I don't think happy is the reason why you get married. Right. I don't think love is the reason why you get married. I think it's duty. I think it's purpose primarily. And then you start talking about love and you start talking about happy. But I think that's more about a mutual respect, mutual understanding, mutual purpose. But I haven't figured this out completely. But we are in a very individualistic era and for most people, happy is part of the deal. And if you are not making me happy or maintaining my level of happy, it doesn't matter what else you do. I'm going to take my business elsewhere, and especially given the fact that we don't really need each other to fulfill the roles that we used to need each other to fulfill in the modern sense. But yeah, I don't know. But I'm interested to see how this new this new wave of men saying, we're not going to take it. It's going to it's going to pan out. OK, OK. Going off of that, that brings me to a question that I wasn't going to ask next, but we're going to go there. So I think I've seen a lot of important or men put a lot of importance on provision, being the like providing and things of that nature. But there is more to being a father and a husband than just providing. Do you think that the majority of men, because I don't see them talking about that, like I hear them talk about pieces of it, like leading and things like that. But do you think that men are completely understanding that there is more to being a father and a husband than just providing? You think they understand that? I think we understand, for instance, there's more to being an NFL athlete than just being physically fit. But even if you have the intangibles, if you're not physically fit, you will be kicked out of the NFL. So because men tend to be ton of vision, you could even say myopic in a way, we're going to focus on the most important thing. And from a male point of view, the most important thing is your ability to provide. You could be a phenomenal whatever. But if you can't do this thing, nobody's going to look at these things and just like work, right? Like if you're not hitting these numbers, even if you're a great team player and you maintain the company culture, those things can help prolong how long it is before they fire you. But if you're not doing this first thing that we hired you for, those things don't matter. So in men's defense, we understand, you know, it's other things. I think what's complex or what's complicated, right, is like. You hear women, for instance, say I want a six-figure man. I want a CEO. I want a doctor. I want a lawyer. I want to pilot without understanding that those careers are the careers that lead to a man making more than 90 percent of people. Means he's not going to have time, right? You know, he's he might not be around, right?  And there's a tradeoff in life. And unfortunately, as long as we keep hearing those things prioritized, and we understand that the the toll to pay to make six figures and to be the boss of bosses and things like that is that I have to sacrifice time. We're going to we're going to prioritize first thing first. So I think the thing that confuses me about that part is if we know that the the average man makes what what is the amount? I think forty seven forty seven thousand, which arguably isn't enough to support, completely provide for a family of four or five. Like it's it's very difficult to support that many people on that salary. It would I would think similar to some of those like sports analogies that I've heard you say in the past. If you know that you are potentially, for lack of a better word, deficient in this area, then wouldn't it behoove you to focus on some of those other things that maybe are not number one? But if you know that your number one, which is providing you can't completely do that on your salary alone, like wouldn't it stand a reason to focus more on some of those other things that are lower? We do. But the problem is there's not a huge demand from the female delegation for teachers. There's not a huge demand from the female delegation of of middle income earners, middle managers and things like. There's not a huge demand. Now, I've been saying to women that, yeah, the most nurturing guy you're going to meet is probably a teacher. He's probably a coach. He's probably making thirty forty thousand dollars a year. But again, you don't see him because he's not checking this first box. You don't see him because he's not six foot. You don't see him because he doesn't walk into a room and light it up because he's an average dude, right? So again, it's just like with natural selection. Like if if nature, the species keep selecting for this trait in following generations, that's the trait you're going to see. So it's no, you know, it's no mistake that even the young boys now they they are prioritizing income. Because again, that's what the girls want. If the girls wanted something different or prioritized something different before income, then we would see men fixate on that. OK, but for the ones that want to get married and income is not. I mean, you can change it. You can get these men can have two and three jobs, I guess, to compensate and make more money. Exactly. They could do it if they want to, I guess. But most people are not going to go out and have three jobs. Because like you said, there's there's tradeoffs to that as well. So dealing with what you have before you, because, yes, if given a preference woman, a woman would probably say, yes, I would like my man to make over six figures because obvious for obvious reasons, you know. But given the fact that there are a shortage of those men, so these women are going to end up either all choosing the same man or choosing someone that does not fit in that criteria. I it seems like it would make sense for. So now if income is not a factor, because I'm now dealing with men that are not making the income that I want. So now I'm going down the list. So like whatever number two is, I don't know, after providing what number two would be necessarily today. Yeah, what do you think number two is? Clout clout today. You think that's right under the ability to provide? I honestly, I think low key clout is above the ability to provide. So you like a man's status. Like I, you know, if given two guys, everything's equal. Guy one makes money. Guy two has a blue check mark. Guy two is going to it's going to get more more hoes. That's that's the really today. Then the man with the money. Really, that's interesting. Yeah, the guy with the money might actually be paying the guy with the blue check mark to help get him women. OK, so that's I think that's that stands another question. So what do men, because we talk a lot about what like women don't understand what men want. And then we talk about OK, they want fit, feminine, friendly, peaceful, beautiful, inspirational, discerning, all these things. What do men think women want, aside from six foot, six figures? Because I don't hear anybody talking about anything outside of physical. So is the assumption then that women only care about these superficial things? Or is there an acknowledgement that there are other things that women actually like the type of women that you want, because that's the conversation all the time for the women, the type of man that you want? I think a lot of attention is given to the type of women that y'all actually don't even want. So you're talking about these women that you don't even really want what they want. They want the six feet, six feet. So I think I think the difference, though, is that male nature prioritizes. Quantity, right? Where it's female nature prioritizes, right? Making it as a man means being attracted to the majority of women. Yeah, making it as a woman means being attracted to the guy. The highest level guy, yeah. So based on that, what we're looking at is different. So men do have to concern themselves with what is it that the vast majority of women want? What is it that the vast majority of women are looking for? I agree with you that we need to be more specific and specialized. But starting off, yeah, we're going to look at big numbers. We're going to look at how can I be considered attractive or an eligible bachelor to every woman? Um, with that being said, I think you ask the question, what is it that men think women want? Yeah. Because when you're talking about all women, you're also talking about the strippers. You're talking and I think that's why you then hear men. I've seen some of the angry men in the comments that talk about these women are choosing Pookie and Ray Ray. I have never chosen a Pookie or a Ray Ray. So I am not the type of woman that chooses those. But y'all seem to be hyper focused on the type of woman that would then go and choose a Pookie and Ray Ray over them. So talking about the type of overwhelming majority that choose Pookie and Ray Ray. I don't think that's the overwhelming majority. No, I think there are enough of those women where that stereotype can have a place to live, like where we can choose. Like, you know, we can show people that has happened to. But I don't even have any friends that I can say have chosen Pookie Ray. But I acknowledge too that everything is experience and exposure. So maybe the people that I hang around just don't necessarily birds with feather tend to flock together. Sure. You think the overwhelming majority of women deal with Pookie's and Ray Ray's to give a more nuanced answer and it kind of answers the other question. I think most women want excitement at what stage, though, you think across the lifespan, that's what women want across. Low key. You think I'll say this, I'll say this because. Typically, like when you when you start drilling down into the reasons why men leave women versus women leave men, typically when a man leaves a woman, typically he'll say she changed. OK, when I met her, she was this young, vivacious, bubbly, exciting person. But then she became a mother. She became boring. She became frumpy in the whole nine. Yeah, temperamental the whole nine. Ironically, what women typically say is that he didn't change.  You know, I'm saying he didn't mature. He just got older. So which tells me that women's norm relative to men, women's norm is ebbs and flows is fluctuation. It's ups and downs. It's the rollercoaster of life, which is a beautiful thing. Men's whole thing, men's whole kind of modus operandi, I'm probably butchering that, but it's to like maintain. OK, it's to it's to it's to consistency, consistency is to keep shit going, even bad things. I'm a drug dealer. I want to keep Dylan drives at this level or the highest level. Whereas women, it tends to I want to experience all the the range of emotional expression and and and everything that life has to offer. So I think because of that, we kind of we look at at different things. But I think more than just, oh, he's a pookie and array and he's a ray rate, he tends to be more exciting. He tends to be less predictable. He tends to be a little bit more spontaneous. Now, do those things translate to Good Father? No, good launcher partner. No, but we can't under under like under represent the effects of women literally being beat over the head since you were girls with these fairy tales that always end on a high note. Right, or these movies that always end on a high, the Bonnie and Clyde or the Cinderella's in the whole nine, the Fifty Shades of Grey. So, unfortunately, fortunately, unfortunately, or unfortunately, I think most women's fantasy is the unpredictability and the spontaneity and of life. Whereas men, we're just trying to like keep things together and go on one duration. Again, not all women, but I think the vast majority do want like some kind of storybook fairy tale rom-com love. OK. OK. That's interesting. I think that's the the difference, maybe in man and women in terms of the thinking, because when I hear a woman that has been married for a long period of time, say that he didn't change as a reason not to be with him anymore, I think that I interpret that as buying into potential. That I don't think men I don't think men buy into potential as it pertains to women. I think when men find a woman and choose to marry her. Exactly. The expectation is that she won't change. She will be the exact same. And that's honestly not realistic. It's not because she has kids. She becomes a different person. She's a she's you know, body changes. Exactly.  Yeah. I already change. And I think women buy into potential. And then it's like, well, my expectation was that he would grow, that he would become in a lot of ways different than what he was when I met him. Like I had faith in him changing for the better. Right. And it kind of begs the question, like, who is because because even you repeating that, I see flaws in both ways of things. Yeah. You know, like the ball in his his his girl, what's his name, the ball or something, but he's he's an actor. And him and his wife are supposed to be like relationship goals. And I remember what you're talking about. Yeah, I can't remember his last name. But I remember they were having a conversation and they were talking about their podcast.   And it was interesting to me because whereas she described it as he described it as eating the same food. OK, she described it as eating at the same restaurant. Oh, I like that. Which is what is interesting? Because either same food, like pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza versus, you know, maybe today I have pizza next to have calzone next to have. I like that, though. But I think it goes to show the expectation that we have as far as the dimension and the range of individual that we are attaching ourselves to. And I don't think most people give that any thought. I think they just kind of go in with those unspoken expectations. And again, whereas people do have range, right? Successful men tend not to. Hexbound on that, please.  It's a long time. So naturally, everything you're going to do, talk about, think about is medicine. Yeah. In order to become a CEO, you have to do diligence for 20 years, whatever the case may be. So to be successful, especially as a man, you have to specialize. And specializing means you eat, sleep, drink this thing. So again, the men who are allowed the freedom of expression, they tend to be artists and things like that. Some of them make it, but the vast majority are bombs. Don't get rowed. So do you want stability? Which unfortunately is going to be less exciting, more predictable for the vast majority. Now, there are some men who figured out a balance. Or do you want spontaneity and unpredictability in this and this and that? So then that would also imply going to this whole polygamist situation, which I'm not going to get too much into that because people get upset about that conversation. And I don't have that many opinions about it. I just know what I'm doing, what I'm not doing. But that would beg like the reasonable thing with what you said is, OK, if predictability tends to breed success, then wouldn't it? Also stand to reason, potentially, that the predictability of a single partner in a monogamous situation would tend to be or would be thought to be more successful in the long run, but I don't think it's thought about that way. I think I think what most people are going to prioritize is the lifestyle he can provide me so I can create the excitement for myself. You know, we can we can we can take the cutesy pictures on Instagram. So even if I'm not having a good time, I can convince. And I think this speaks more so to our society at large, not just women. But the most fun I have is convincing other people that I'm having fun. The best the best thing is is not necessarily enjoying this concert, but giving other people FOMO through this Instagram video that I'm shooting, right? Like I've seen people at the club, they're chilling, maybe they're in VIP. They're just chilling, you know, drinking this and that. But as soon as somebody pull out a camera phone, they're having the time of their life because again, it's about making other people want to be me because I don't even know if I want to be me. Right. So I think at a certain level of a man's success or a man's money and that's where the clout comes in, because it might not be that I like future, but like there are places he can take me there that other men can't. There are things that I can do and buy and experience that other men. So even though I may not like him, but there are things that he affords me, which obviously is unsustainable. But again, we're now prioritizing sustainability these days. You hit on this earlier. This wasn't one of the things I was going to ask you, but you made the statement about essentially that men get cues from what women prioritize and women incentivize some of the negative behaviors that we see with when we talk about these pookies and ray rays, which I'm not 100% sure what a pookie and a ray ray is, but I hear people talking about it. However, I have seen in our conversation, some men got very upset when I said that certain women can help inspire men to produce better versions of themselves. So it seems like there's like this disconnect where men feel comfortable to attribute negative impacts that women make on them. Like we can influence them to have multiple women and to just do all these things because we're incentivizing it, but then we're not incentivizing, we're not able to incentivize positive behavior. Why do you think that is? No, that's all you can't raise a man. Right. I think what women can do is inspire a man to be a better version of himself, to become a better version of himself. So I think that infers that the himself is already set. Right. Like he, his aspirations, his vision of the man he wants to build is already set. And if a woman comes along who is in lockstep of the direction he was going in anyway, I think she can expedite that process. But as far as a woman taking a man from this path and putting him on this path and ain't enough wiping the world to do that. Because I feel like that's essentially what I said in our conversation that they can inspire better versions of themselves. And something got really upset about that, saying like, they're in a woman on this, on this planet. I think somebody said that they were like, there's not a woman on this planet that can. Well, and I think that speaks to like how we understand it because the distinction I just made is in a distinction a lot of women make. Okay. You know, I think the vast majority of women, unfortunately, give themselves too much credit in their ability to redirect the man. Right. Now, another thing not to do is to be behind a man and push him. Right. No, that's, that's, that's not to the best analogy I can think of in my head. Have you, have you ever seen a Olympic curling? No, yeah, it's like when somebody like they'll help me.  That's the best analogy I can give. But as far as pushing or pulling, that man will resent you because he'll never feel like he built that man for himself. Right. Now a woman, like I said, in the lubrication, double entendre is there, but for me, when I'm advising women, I just say, Hey, figure, find a man who's going in the direction that you want to go and, you know, help the way that you can to make that way clear. But what we see most of these days is like husband, son situation. Yeah. Women literally want to mold a man and redirect his path and make him everything that she wants for herself. Right. And only resentment comes from that. So I think men's reflex is that we're seeing more not of what you're talking about, but we're seeing more of the opposite. Okay. Just trying to push him in a completely different trajectory than what he even wanted. And it's nuanced too, right? Because I remember there was this young lady, I was having a conversation with years ago in Charlotte. She was part of this organization and she said that she moved to Charlotte because she wanted to find a black man. Really? And she was saying that, you know, she did research and she figured out this would be a better city than the city that she came from. And she was like, I'm even, you know, I'm even willing to date a mechanic.  Which told me, no, you don't want to date a mechanic. Yeah. You want an entrepreneur who's just being a mechanic right now. Right. Those are two different men. But unfortunately, what's going to happen if she does find that mechanic, it's not going to work out because she's going to be imposing other expectations of him than the expectations he has of him. And then kind of portraying him as having a lack of ambition or, yeah, that is problematic for sure. Yeah.  And I'm guilty of that too. Men are guilty of that as well. But yeah, that's what tends to happen. Okay. Okay. That made me think of something else. So I've, I've heard Steve Harvey even talks about this. He writes about it in his book. Not that you're going to agree with it, though. No, there's like this idea that men need to get to a certain place financially within their career, professionally, all these things before they can settle down. Right. But women often, and I feel like men are going to disagree with this, but I believe that women in mass feel this way, that they would be okay with working with him to accomplish what he wants to accomplish, but men want to do it on their own. And then come back and settle down once they already have gotten to where they want to be. I think it's for two reasons. And these aren't, these aren't going to sound good. I think reason number one is less bad. But reason number one is, you know, just from an ego perspective, I want to feel like I built him by myself.  That's number one. Number two, and this is the less popular reason, but it's like, I'm going to go back to sports.  Oh my gosh. When I'm just entering the league, like I want to leave it a little bit.  Like, yeah, for men who don't want to see that, we want to, you know what I'm saying? We want to see what the best we can do is. And sometimes it means getting to that point and realizing that what you had is better. There's a, there's a saying, there's a song out there and a saying in Igbo culture is Kim Jika. It means what I have is greater.  So whatever the case may be, but like, I think what women fail to realize is the miscommunication is like, as a woman, especially if you're attracted, you've been in the league since you were 15. You've been negotiating contracts.  You've been driving across the whole nine. I just got a league at 35. I just got in the league at 30, meaning that I just not got the six-figure job. I just not got the cloud. I just now I'm starting to receive success or notoriety in my chosen field. So like, you want me to just play ball for a year and retire? I just got here. I just, I'm just looking around. I just got here. Right. And I think what's unfortunate is, you know, women's been in the league since he was 15 at 30s. He's been in the league 15 years, but at 30, man, might still be in college, might still be in D league.  Yeah. Let me find out. You know this. Let me find out. So I think, and again, you put in like the biological clock. Yeah. It gets complicated, but unfortunately, until the man gets to the point where like, he's seen it with his own eyes.  I wasn't missing anything or I was missing something.  Until you get to that point, there's always going to be what if, and I think, unfortunately, that is the not so talked about aspect. Obviously, I'm 29.  But like coming to America, that's so in your royal oats. I know you stick with that one. It's a necessary part of our growth. OK. OK. OK. This is a little bit more similar to the other. So we've talked about this a little bit today about men and understanding that providing is like a that's a high priority in terms of what they believe is important. So if that's the case, why do you think that there's so many men that also advocate for women to contribute 5050? Because most men aren't top 10 percent guys. You know, so so if I'm a schoolteacher and I'm great in these other aspects, yeah, I need your help. Because just like you said, that 40,000 I'm making ain't enough. I need your help, too. So what is the expect?  Because that changes things. Because if this is not so a partnership now, OK? Because a lot of men say they don't want a partner. They want they want someone that they can lead and all these other things. But that does change the field a little bit when your the expectation is that I'm contributing 5050. I think what's complicated. I don't know if we have enough data to really, really break that down because this this world of women making just as much, if not more sometimes than men and still trying to uphold a traditional institution where that was not the case. Yeah, it's tough. I don't know if we have enough data to really see, OK, this is how it's supposed to work and this how it works. I think we're still figuring that out. So because of that, I'm going to make it super simple and just split it up into two groups. If you're a man who makes now, obviously, making money isn't the only aspect of what a man brings to the table. But it's the main ones. Right. And it's hard to say as a man, I control the finances of the house when I'm not the chief breadwinner. Right. I think that's tough. I think, you know, you can make the argument like it happens in Mexican households, the mother makes more money, but the dad is the steward of the finances. But, you know, large scale, especially when we consider black people, I think we're going to have to work that out. But I think the men who do make the money and are checking off their provide and protect role, I think they require and rightfully expect some aspect of reverence. Right. Some aspect. Because, again, like, I can't protect you if I can't tell you what to do. So do you think, though, that men that aren't able to provide 100 percent or even 80 percent are still having those same expectations as the men that? Because in my head, it kind of equates to, like, the same thing that men say about women, where it's like, you're not a you're not a 10. You're not even an eight. You're barely a six, maybe a four, but you still expect. Oh, see, and see, that is the aspect of some factions of the manuscript that I'm completely against. Like, the idea that your woman just worked a 40 hour week and she's going to come home and cook dinner. It's unrealistic. It is unrealistic. Like, there must be it becomes more of a partnership. So typically, I'm not talking about those guys, because I think those guys are unrealistic and unreasonable. But as far as the guys. They're not going to like this, Alan. Hey, I'm not going to like this. I'm telling the truth.  Yeah. But if the woman is contributing 50 percent of the finances and or more than no, no, it's it can't be it's it's in nature. It's not a traditional marriage. Now maybe go marry a Mexican woman and they're they're more, you know, accommodating, regardless, but I think I think it's unreasonable. I think it's unreasonable. I think, you know, so for me and for the for the type of man I speak about or speak to is more so like. I want my woman to have the option to work. I hear that a lot. You feel what I'm saying? I want to have the option to work. So with that being said, that means that I'm not going to settle down as quickly as some 5050 do because I still have work to do. Yeah. But when that work is done, you're not going to talk to me. Like you would talk to do the quasi to work 50 hours a week. Right. So again, trade off. Yeah. So I think men, which here I am speaking for the men, I would think that men would think that that's a respect issue. Like the idea that you can kind of play with me a little bit. Like you could talk to me a little crazy if I'm not making as much money as if I am paying all the bills. Do you see it that way? Or do you see it as like if you're not paying all the bills, then you might have to tolerate a little bit more than someone who is paying all the bills. Yes, I think I think you are. However, I think one of the other things that men are kind of in opposition to is our role has been simply distilled to provide like it's it's been minimized to provide. And although provide is a big part of it, it's not everything. And it's not all of it. Right. There's still that protect aspect. That's why I started with that question. Right. Right. There is still that protect aspect. And there is also still that even even masculine energy. Yeah. I think I think there's a there's a huge advantage that that provides a family. Yeah, even from from a tranquility standpoint, like a man of there's a way a man kind of brings things down. Yeah, that isn't necessarily women's ministry. So that that's invaluable. So so in in in the perspective of, let's say, it's literally 50 50. Yeah, he makes 50 percent of the income. She makes 50 percent of the income. I think simply because of the nature of his position as a man, there should be some deference to him. I agree. Because again, like think about literally if I cannot tell you what to do, I cannot protect you. I agree, because unfortunately, we think about protect sometimes as like jumping in front of a bullet or fighting somebody on another person's behalf. No, sometimes protect is take two steps over there so you don't fall. The leader, you see what I'm saying? But protect is I mean, let's go. Yeah, she's about to go down, right? So there's there's there should be some again, there should be a difference. There should be a he's the man, even if our income now. That becomes extremely difficult if the income difference is just like the woman's a doctor and the niggas a teacher, like, um, yeah. So so I can't really speak to that because that's that's not the life I'm trying to live. I'll stay unmarried before I enter that because I don't see it going well. So you couldn't marry a woman that made substantially more than you. When you say like that, it sounds bad. I mean, that's what you're saying. I understand. I've dated. I can't say a woman, a woman. Yeah, dated a woman who's dating multiple of them or something. I'm trying to have dated multiple. I can think of one that may substantially more than me at the time. Now, she's a terrible example because she's an anomaly in the sense that she still maintained the femininity and why didn't that work because that should have been the jackpot, right? It was 20, 24. And the timing, right? Um, can I? You want to say no, but you're not saying no. Because it's going to be hard. So it's a no. No, no, no, no, no. It's going to be hard for a woman to make more than me. Especially at the time that I decide, yeah, I'm ready to give in. That is a flex, Alan. Yeah, man. That is a flex. I know where I'm going. But so so so with with that being said, this is what I'll say. I don't think I can marry a doctor. Specifically who is still currently a doctor. I don't think I can marry a lawyer who's still currently a lawyer because of the incredible amount of time and commitment that careers like that require like I for the type of man that I am and I'm trying to be.  OK. So so from that standpoint, no, but it's not necessarily the the money because like I said, she has the option to do other things. She starts a home business or right in YouTube channel with the kids and she makes a ton of money. Cool. Yeah. More than me. Cool. But like, you know what I'm saying? For me, it's about the time and the opportunity costs a lot of high income earning women. They tend to not be nurturing, right, and to be inherently disagreeable. They tend to be unpleasant people. It works phenomenally if you're trying to make partner at the law firm. Yeah, it doesn't work so well inside. Yeah, no, I agree with that. I think a lot of I don't think people pay enough attention to that part in order to be a high powered CEO or not even a CEO, but like a high powered executive and a company or like you said, make partner at a law firm. It takes a certain type of disposition, particularly from a woman because women, unfortunately, are not treated the same in the workplace. So the type of woman that would be able to get to that level, she has to be very stern and very.  Because everybody, every woman thinks they can. Every woman thinks they have this and walk in the room. No, I will say I think men can more easily do that. Because. It's it's it's it's a it's a good thing and it's a bad thing. But you know how we say men compartmentalize things works the same there as well. Like that's work. Right. Whereas you hear women say my work is my baby. Say that my work is my work.  I walk in the house. I'm daddy. You know what I mean?  But again, I don't know if we have enough data in this new world where men I mean women are being all these things to be able to say what works better. But based on this transitionary period, it's not going so well. I don't think it's going very well either. In terms of like you said, when you come home, what are the what experience do your children have with you? I don't know. I don't know data to back to what I'm about to say up either. But I would believe that men might also be better similar to what you said at leaving work at work. And I think women are more likely to bring work home. Right. And so the children end up and the husband, like whoever is at home bears the brunt of what that looks like. And to be to be fair to women, I think part of the difference is because for eons for women, work has been home. Even when women answer the workforce, they started out as like tutors and nannies and chefs and things like that. So work and home have been intrinsically intertwined. Whereas men, the coal mine in my house. And so like my house was a safe space from work. And I don't think I don't know, but I don't think men typically come home and talk about work with their wives the same way that women want to come home and tell their husbands or boyfriends. Yeah, I mean about work. I don't think that tends to have much either. Yeah, I don't know. But I don't think so. OK, so I think I know what you're going to say to this one. I think I know. Do you believe that men tend to extend the same level of grace that they want women to offer them? A lot of what you mean. So specifically when I thought of this question, I was thinking about how I know a lot of times and I know what people are going to say. Men and women tend to cheat at equal amounts, whatever. I think women are more likely to stay with a cheating man than a man is to stay with a cheating woman. Absolutely. So in that sense, I'm sure it can translate to other things. But do you feel like men extend the same level of grace to women that they expect women to extend?  Well, why should we? Again, again, here are the facts. It's not the same. Why? The states are different. I'll give you a pleb to break. I'm sure you're excited about this one. Number one, what it takes to gain access to a man's genitals. Completely different than what it takes to gain access to a woman's genitals. Therefore, it's safe to assume that for the majority of women in order to sleep with a man, there has to be some like affection, even love for that man. And now when you consider a cheating situation, not only is there a like love for that man on some level, whether conscious or subconscious, she thinks he is better than her man on some whether it's physically better, whether it's emotionally better, whether it's financially better. She thinks he is in some because, again, women are hypergamous. Women want to go over after the best possible man, whatever that means for her. Secondly, there's also the chance. And I think this is men's default assumption that he didn't pay a steeper price for you as I did.  And then you see the nigga who used to cheat on your test right next to you on on on on the freshman orientation.  And this nigga just cleaned a pool and he got it. So so that's the difference. Number two, and I think this is a big piece, too. Um, there's no such thing as maternity fraud. OK, whereas paternity fraud is prevalent.    Come back to me and make me raise another man's child for 18 years. Would that not also happen, though, if he goes out and gets I think men and I've heard you talk about this before.  Well, so two things. Number one, typically in the scenarios where the woman decides to stay, it's typically a certain caliber of man. Let's be real. It's typically a high producing, high performing type of man. I don't know about that one. Which means that your $50,000 ain't going to that kid. He's got it covered. But it's not about money. It's the inconvenience and embarrassment. Understand, inconvenience and embarrassment, that's cool. And it's other baby mama now. And it's other baby, that's cool. But as far as like checking things off the list, you don't have to concern yourself financially with that you can make the argument or I'm taking money out of our pot to... That too. Now, all those things apply if you get pregnant by somebody else. But there's a unique differentiating factor that I think it's my child. But realistically, Alan, how often? Because I do think that you are hyper focused on that particular scenario as being very detrimental and harmful in... No. I'm trying to explain why the ways that men understand being cheated on are different than the ways women are. There's more at stake for us. Because of the fact that paternity fraud is a thing.


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Hi everybody, Joe for jasmiescasebreaks.com. Yes, with our last filler for the baseball mixer. That's 2021 Donner's Optic Baseball One Box Random Team Break number three. So we're going to make you sweat it out a little bit. Renew the break first before we give away those spots with a different dice roll at the end. The first dice roll though is for the names and teams in this one box break. Let's roll it, randomize it one and a six, seven times. One, two, three, four, five, six, and seventh and final time. One and a six, seven times for the teams. One, two, three, four, five, six, and seventh and final time. Got guardians down to the Tigers. We will give it, just because it's a full box, we will give it a very short trade window, basically by the time I finish reading this. Carl with the Guardians, Derrick with the Dimeback, Carl with the Orioles, Raven with Phillies, Carl with the Dodgers, Astros, Mets, Brewers, Carl with the Cardinals, Matthew with the Blue Jays, Carl with the Yankees, Marlins, Lonnie with the Rays, Carl with the A's, Jason with the Nats, Lonnie with the Twins, Carl with the Cubs, Braves, Red Sox, Giants, Angels, Rangers, White Sox, and Royals, Jesse with the Pirates, Lonnie with the Reds, Carl with the Padres, Martin with the Mariners, Carl with the Rockies, and Matthew with the Detroit Tigers. All right, we're gonna leave the video running. Usually we pause for trade windows, but there's the box right there. Any trades, any trades, any trades? Maybe not. All right, trade window going once, trade window going twice, TWC means trade window is closed. Let's print, let's rip, let's see what we got in this one box break. There on the 15th, quick little hobby box break, and then we'll re-randomize these names, and we're gonna make three people very happy, and a lot of people very sad. That's the nature of these giveaways. But chance to get a big spot for a fraction of the price. So I think that's why people take the risk on these. I appreciate people taking the risk on these. Thank you very much. One of these filler boxes, we did see the autograph hot box. In fact, we opened a fresh case to start working through these boxes for the filler dude. We opened a fresh case for these fillers, is what I mean, trying to spit out. And so I guess there's an opportunity for the autograph hot box and the parallel hot box. I think there's two autograph hot boxes and two, if I remember correctly, two autograph hot box and two parallel hot boxes. Just be a regular two autograph hot box on average situation here. Ken Tamayeda to 35. That's for Minnesota, twins edition going to Lonnie. And our first autograph is Brent Rooker. And that is for the twins. So that's another one for Lonnie. Last spot, Mojo strikes again. Nice great rookie, Hollow Jonathan India. I think he's been banged up a little bit though. The reigning N.L. Rookie of the Year. And our second autograph, it's a retro autograph, Will the Thrill, Will Clark for my rivals, the Giants. That's gonna be for Carl. So there are both of your autographs there. I think this is an autograph hot box. Those might be our two. There's Kyle Tucker to 149 for Houston. Oh, and a third autograph signature series, Jordan Lyles, that's for the Rangers. That's gonna go to Carl as well. Is it a three autograph hot box? Is it three or is it four or is it five? Guess we'll find out. And here's the other autograph. That's William Contreras for Atlanta. Other autograph for Carl. I think there's five, right? Kettle Marte, red, white, and blue to 199 for Derrick and the Dunnebacks. And the fifth autograph of the autograph hot box, Davy Garcia, five out of 75. Carl with the Yankees. And there you go, not bad for a filler break. Yeah, nice filler box, right, hippie sandwich? Spinach. Let's gather everybody's names before I upload that video. New dice, new list. Now let's see who's gonna win those mixer spots. Top three after six. Good luck, top three after six. One, two, three, four, five, and sixth and final time. So from four on down, it's gonna be sad times. Sorry, Carl, very close, no cigar yet. Let's see how the top three shakes out. After six times, top three, very happy times for Carl. Got in, Matthew, and Carl again. Two of the three spots for Carl. Matthew's sneaking in as well after six. Thanks for watching, everybody. I'm Joe, I'll see you in the next video for the next break, the mixer, bye-bye.


Hi everybody, and welcome back to our podcast from the Kamasutra to 2020, where we look at your questions, your concerns, even your worries around all things to do with sex and sexuality. So I am delighted to welcome back Dr. Anvita Madan Bihal to the podcast today. Anvita, as you know, is a psychosexual therapist and she brings the perspective, the psychological perspective to the advice that the Kamasutra has to give. Anvita has been missing for a while from the podcast due to medical reasons. Anvita, we have been missing your perspective and I am entirely delighted that you're back. Thank you, Seema. I am so excited to be back and I just want to apologize to our viewers and our listeners that I have been missing. I can't control the circumstances, so we will try making as many videos. I will try making as many videos with Seema as possible, but please be patient and keep tuning in and listening and seeing us here. So Anvita, this is a question I've been holding on to waiting for you to come back because it's a question that has increased in numbers, so the amount of emails that have been coming in about this, and it's a question that is particularly distressing me. So I've had a lot of people writing in complaining that their partners have had a sexual encounter before they got together, so it's not that they've cheated on them, it's from before they got together, but that they're finding it difficult to accept, particularly from young men who say that we have had an arranged marriage and now I find out that my wife had other sexual encounters before we got married and I find it very difficult to accept. And as I said, I'm finding it hard to understand how this can still be a mindset and how can we now start to change this with the people who are getting upset with this and for society particularly, what is the advice that we're going to give to them? So I do think that it's really unfortunate that this mindset does exist still and it is a problem because I think there have been generations and generations of messaging that keeps coming around morality and virginity of women and that's how women should be and times have, I wonder if times have changed because I think women still explored their sexuality but it was just hidden and now women are more open about it, they are willing to talk about their sexuality, men are willing. I think if young people engage within a relationship, they are looking at sexual experimentation as part of a romantic relationship. So if men have that need or that desire from a relationship before marriage, then it becomes a little bit hypocritical for them to then have a problem if their partner or their wife had engaged in the relationship before because if it was acceptable for your girlfriend, it should be acceptable for your wife. So it is, I think with changing times and for the modern India or South Asia that is to come, I think it is problematic to hold on to those messages and those ideas. As you said at one stage earlier when we were chatting that people are getting married later and later now, so it is more than likely that they would have had other people in their lives and it's absolutely not something that is either bad or wrong to have done so. Well, I think we need to understand the context of all these ideas that come, like we're talking about ideas of child marriage and everything where you stayed in your parents' house and you were given to a family and then when you hit puberty, you moved in to the new family. Now times are changing, people are becoming independent, they're becoming financially independent, careers are becoming important or ambitions are becoming important. So both men and women are getting married later and they are saying that sexuality is something that they're willing to engage with before. So I think it is, I think they need to really consider it, that how long are men willing, like so if men are getting married at 32, are they willing to be virgins? Then if they're expecting it from the women, are they willing to be virgins still 32? The 40 year old virgin is a problematic idea still in any part of the world. So if that criteria doesn't exist for men, why does it exist for women and also how are men going to change that? Because it is really their problem that they want virgin once. Yeah, and particularly I noticed that it's this idea that it was an arranged marriage. So what is it about that one particular word that suddenly makes everything so different? That if it is an arranged marriage then the girl has to be pure in inverted commas. Yeah, so if I wanted to change something with this question or this idea, I really would want to change the messaging young people get about this because I think as a society we make this about virgin women, pure women, morality, how women, if they have sex before marriage, they are loose or they are impure and the expectation is that if I am having an arranged marriage or I'm having a marriage then I need to have the perfect woman and a perfect woman shouldn't have engaged sexually with someone else. So I think this idea really needs to change and we need to change the messaging. We need to change the society that this is no longer a criteria or that there isn't morality or judgment attached to women's sexuality. So a lot of the men are coming forward and saying she didn't even tell me. I mean that's the line and the messages. She didn't even tell me. Is it necessary that a woman who's had a relationship well before she's met this man that she should have to disclose that? And secondly, what is it that makes the woman disclose it afterwards? I mean why should that come up at all? So one of the things that I want to say is that if this is important to you and everybody has their criteria like when I meet friends and otherwise in their thinking of marriage, I always say come up with your five priorities or deal breakers and it could be anything. Like people ask all sorts of questions between religion, what people like eating, not like eating, what do they think about politics and things. They would ask about your hygiene habits. Like there's so many things that are deal breakers for people. So if wanting a partner who hasn't had sex before marriage is an important issue for you then ask the question. Like if that is important to you, think about it. Ask the question. Discuss it. So don't leave it or don't make this assumption that oh women wouldn't have had sex before marriage because I do agree. I think that's the idea of the yesteryears. That's no longer a given. So if that is important and it could be important for men, women. Like it could be important that women want virgin husbands then ask the question because it is truly something you want. It's not something that the other person wants from you. It's not your partner doesn't want it from you. So if they wanted they would ask the question. So don't blame the partner if they haven't disclosed. You never asked. So if this is important please ask before. And if you find out later I would really ask you to reflect on why is it irking you. Is it because you just have this preconceived notion or messaging? Or is there something else that is bothering you or irking you? These things can be worked through. They can be talked through. You just need to reflect on what is irking you. Sometimes I think it's difficult for men because they also are challenged with the ideas of oh she's been with another man and all those things and they can irk men. But they are just things we've seen in social media and movies and everything and they don't really exist in real life. Like look at your relationship and not the messages. I think jealousy is a two way street. I mean both partners can find that really distressing. And I know that it is something that bothers a lot of people. But I think that if it is something that has happened before you have gotten together you really need to bring it into perspective don't you? I can understand if somebody is cheating on you at that point then it's a problem. But if you have already been with that person for a while and you've come to know them as somebody that you love they've got so many good points then that their goodness or their suitability to be with you shouldn't depend on them having been a virgin before they came to your bed. Yeah and so I think and that's when I say that have that conversation or process it because I think trust within the relationship these ideas of jealousy, guilt, not trusting your partner or questioning your partner or doubting your partner have deeper roots than if they've had sex before marriage or not. And so something might be happening or you just need to build that trust. You need to build that intimacy. You can work through this. If everything else is going really well in your relationship like if you are in a happy, healthy, understanding relationship then this is something that you can work through. And you need to understand why it's bothering you. Why is it important? And you know Seema we can speak a little bit about the traditions and everything because people I think it is very tough on men as well because they for when we work with young men or adolescent men we really needed to work with because they have pressures of saying or you need to be the experienced one you need to be the one who has the experience and the knowledge and before marriage you should have had sex before.  Like who are those women? Then who are they getting married to? So all these things I think they are tough on men as well and we need to consider those and that's why society needs to change for both men and women. I think that when it comes to sexuality particularly for some reason the level of distrust and the level of angst around it supersedes everything else. I mean I know that we have this thing about if a woman is doing much better at her work a lot of times the man will feel a little bit threatened, he'll feel a little bit undermined but when it comes to sexuality I think that it just kicks the ball out of the park because a lot of women have actually written in and said that there is so much sexual doubt and distrust in their marriage that even if they ask for something when they're in bed together the man wants to know how did you know? So whether they've learned it from pleasuring themselves, whether they've had other sexual encounters, whether they've been watching porn and they want to try something but they're immediately asked to explain their ability to know about other things. Yeah and this is something that it was one of the first things that we worked with young women in sex education when we did it like comprehensive sexuality education because even the idea that if young women or women asked their partners to use a condom they would say oh how do you know about a condom use?  Like it immediately went there and we would say well couldn't they read?  Couldn't they have watched pornography? Couldn't they have knowledge? Couldn't they have desires or experiences and otherwise? So it is problematic because that aspect of women a woman's life her sexuality is something that is seen as do not exist.   So let's say a woman was to come to you and ask whether she should disclose her previous relationship or not. What would your advice be? So my advice would be that I think every relationship, every person is different. They should really find support, could be a friend, could be a family member, could be professional help and understand why they want to disclose it and what is the reason behind disclosing it and how would it be received like what could be the consequences of them sharing it and be ready for those consequences you know and I think some people can't live without sharing it like they feel like they can't hold it inside. Some people feel like it could really jeopardize the family dynamics or the relationships. So I really think it's individual and I think a lot, it is a difficult, what I will say is that I think it is a difficult choice to make. I wish society was different where this would be an open conversation but I understand that it's complex and it's things. So I would say don't hold it on inside. You will be living in fear of things always feeling like oh I'm going to get caught out or something like that. So speak to somebody, discuss it with a family member, friend, professionally and see what's right for your relationship and for the family dynamic that exists for you. Because you're right when you say about the consequences you know that could it's not just about distrust and anger and oh my god you know you betrayed me but it could actually lead to physical violence and it has done so in many instances. So I guess disclosure is something that one needs to do with a great deal of thought behind it if you decide that you want to talk about it and frankly if it's happened well before I don't see why somebody needs to go and talk about it way later to a different relationship particularly if you think it's going to cause a problem. I mean you know I don't know it's just one of those things that I feel isn't really it shouldn't be something that you need to flag up as a problem thing oh my god you know almost like saying I had sex it's something that you need to know about. Yeah and what I do know is that women feel very pressured about the wedding night and there are all these myths that exist within our society about having a bloodstained sheet and they have led to especially in the Middle Eastern countries or other countries where women would have hymen reconstruction surgeries or vagina stitching surgeries which are very problematic because they're mostly from they're not from professionals you know they are from medical fraternity that are not qualified to do those things but they feel like they need to play that part and they feel a lot of pressure and the reality is that the hymen can break at any point while you're cycling while you're playing sports like through any reason like the bloodstained sheet sorry it's a tongue twister is not a proof of your virginity and it's not a badge of your honor. Yeah and no proof like that exists for men like what is the criteria for us to say this is the proof that I'm a virgin man and when we take the word of a man you know when a man says I've not had sex before we take their word that same respect should be given to women like when they say we've not had sexual sex before then we should just believe them so all these traditions actually add to the pressure so like you were saying that it is it does women feel a lot of pressure they feel a lot of nervousness and there is so much lack of information and education around this that it adds to a lot of pressure for women and once again it's about changing the mindset in this society. It's about changing the mindset absolutely so you know with this thing as I'm saying that a lot of women however it's not just the men it's also a lot of women who see this as a badge of their honor that I was a virgin on the day that I got married it's so important to them and as you know being in the profession that you are that bad sex eventually can also be the cause of a breakup of a relationship. Yeah and I think sexual compatibility has become an important criteria for a lot of partners. It's not the only criteria but they are saying I need to see this and what we need to remember is there is and we've said this idea before on the video there's nothing known as one lover fits all you know this is a good lover and this is a bad lover it is about compatibility it's about what two people like when they're having sex so it's not got to do with oh there's a good lover and there's you know and there's this idea of oh this guy is really good in bed or this woman's really good in bed it is about two people liking the same kind of sexual activities and behaviors and the compatibility and so it's become an important thing between partners and couples where they are looking for sexual compatibility it's become an important criteria but like any relationship you know what's important for you at the beginning of the relationship might not be important later on you know you might be looking for different things so I wouldn't say it's the only criteria but it is one of the criterias and it's okay to find it important if that's what's important for you. I think that I'd like to finish with asking you what you would recommend to women now we've said to men what we think that they should do in order to try and get past some of their preconceptions what is your advice to women who are in this situation? So I think you know for women I know that there has been a lot of pressure and society continues to connect women's sexuality with morality and judgment but somewhere owning our own sexuality and willing to have unapologetic sex or engaging in our sexuality unapologetically like saying you know it's okay I don't need to be weighed or judged by this morality or what society puts forward for me I think we have to break this barrier I would prefer that the barrier was broken by society and by men and others rather than by women but somewhere I think we have to do the hard work in it so if you're open if you're okay if we accept our sexuality then owning it becomes easier the fears become less and it's not easy because if the backlash you know if you're not going to get married by owning your sexuality I don't know as in that's an individual choice in some ways it's a tough call I'm not saying it's an easy one but I definitely think as women we need to stop judging other women and be okay with each other's sexuality and you know and questioning male friends or partners or something when they judge a woman's sexuality or have you know if your brother's criteria is I want a virgin's wife then and if you know he's had sex before then question the hypocrisy or you know question the family hypocrisy that's what I would say to women but in general I would say to men also do not give up on a relationship if it's a happy healthy compatible relationship you can work through this so don't give up a relationship you know just because there are some things that happened previously or before you can work through this you know funnily enough that's actually what the Kamasutra also says it says that if you have a great relationship if you have a lover who you really get on well with lovers good no what it actually says is good lovers are hard to find so don't be in a real hurry to sort of change people over because there's one thing there that you don't like learn to nurture that relationship cherish it I think that's very good advice so I think with everything that we've talked about today the things that we would really like you to take away from today's conversation is one this does not come under the heading of monogamy if somebody's had a relationship before they met you then it's not that they have cheated on you number two exploring your sexuality or having sex before you have before you are married is not a sin it's not something guilty it's not a bad thing to do if the other person has chosen to have consensual sex with somebody else if that is your criteria then it is something that you need to deal with you cannot put that pressure on the other person's head and as I was sharing that email that message with you last time Anitha when somebody this young girl wrote in and said is it a sin to kiss before I'm married because I really love God and I was thinking it's it was such a sweet naive innocent little question but it just does reflect what our society makes us believe that you know having kissed somebody before marriage is somehow in contradiction to your love for God so no exploring consensual sexuality is not a sin and don't break up a relationship just because you find that somebody else in that your other half has had a sexual encounter before marriage I think that it is difficult we all feel jealous somewhere inside us we all have our own emotions that we can't necessarily control but this is where you need to bring your logic and your reasoning and your understanding to the forefront and really consider what it is that's upsetting you and then talk it through and make it better have I left anything out Anitha no I think just you know these are things that can work through we need to I just feel like we need to understand that our reactions are based on the context we've been raised in sometimes they're not our beliefs you know sometimes you're totally happy or you don't actually believe that your wife should have been a virgin before marriage but because you've always heard it between friends men you know other family members movies and everything you feel like that should be a reaction so don't react processes through make sure that it's actually what you believe in before you know you impact your relationship that's extremely good advice so as always do comment like subscribe on the video if you have to send in your questions I am on info.seema.anand at gmail.com and Dr. Anvita Madan behel can be reached for consultations on Anvita Madan behel.com we'll see you next week see you next time bye