All right, everybody, today's episode is all about diets, why they fail, and how you can stick to your diet so you're not one of those statistics. Like everybody else, when they start a diet, they fail. Now to help everybody out, here's the giveaway, okay? We have an intuitive nutrition guide that talks a lot about nutrition in ways that are sustainable, maintainable, realistic, and effective.  Here's how you can enter to win. Leave a comment in the first 24 hours that we drop this episode, subscribe to this channel, click your notifications on. If we like your comment, we'll notify you and you'll get free access to the intuitive nutrition guide. Also, we got two workout programs on sale right now, 50% off, maps hit, that's high intensity interval training, and then maps split. This is a bodybuilder split routine. Both 50% off, so if you're interested, head over to mapsfitnessproducts.com And then use the code DEC50 with no space for that discount. All right, here comes the show. You know, we're entering into diet season right now. I think... Is that true? It is, right? It's diet season. January is when a majority of people... Okay, you mean January, because I was like, right now I don't think people are dieting so much. We're about to enter into, right? This is when a majority of people start a diet for the whole year. And I don't know if a lot of people are familiar with the statistics, but you can look them up. The 12 month success rate of diets, that's a year by the way, so just 12 months, the success rate is less than 20%. In other words, if you start a diet, you're likely to fail within a year at about 80%. Now, if you extend that out by three, four, five years, I could easily make the argument that the fail rate is north of 95%. Yeah, it goes down significantly. The success rate over three years, I wanna say was like five or three to 5% at some point in time. It's really, really low. It's really low. And we saw this firsthand. This is an open secret in the Big Box gym or gym industry. You know, because, I mean, I'll speak from personal experience, right? So I managed Big Box gyms for 24-hour fitness during their heyday, so they were very, very popular at the time. And you could expect, I'd say, a safe number would be about 50% increase in foot traffic and revenue kind of across the board. Some clubs would double, so you'd see a 100% increase in January.  You'd see it after, about March, you'd start to see it taper off. April, you're kind of back to where you were before.  This is kind of how the gym industry's model kind of works. But most of those new people leave, and everybody who works out consistently know this. You go to the gym in January, oh, it's busy, gotta wait a couple months before it's put down. So I used to have all the exact numbers on that. And I don't, so for the audience, I'm sorry, I don't have the exact, but I do know that it was a large percentage of those that fail within that year, a big portion of them come within the first eight weeks. And there's a whole host of reasons why, but that's the big portion is right away in the first two months. So they get going, and then they don't even make it beyond that. And then as far as what you're saying about the gym membership and paying, the average person stops using their gym membership within, and it's a high number, it's up there above 75%, stop using their gym membership after three months, but continue paying for seven months after that. And that's average, that means that there's a large percentage that keep paying even beyond. Yeah, that's right, that's right. I mean, I'm guilty of this, I'm still paying for two gym memberships that I haven't used in two years right now. So it definitely, I'm part of that statistic for sure. So yeah, it's actually why these gyms can make money, because theoretically, if you had everybody who had a gym membership paying for it, they all try to come to the gym, and they all try to be consistent.   Yeah, they never hit that. And they have, most gyms have 10 to 20 X, that amount of members, but they never all show up and they've never had to worry about that. Sometimes I wonder too, like how many operators are fully aware of this and never really have the intention of truly helping everybody, but it's always just about keeping it turning. Yeah, it's interesting. I keep trying to think into the psychology. Your average person that's going through this, it's almost like it's already a seasonal thing. Like they have this in mind that like there's this massive hustle, I need to address all the bad behaviors and things I've done throughout the last year. Let's get as much in as I can. Let's put my horse blinders on. Let's see as far as I can go. And then inevitably it just the momentum stops. Yeah, so here's what I wanna start with. And I think this is very important. Early on I used to think that this was a lack of motivation or that people were lazy or they didn't really value their health in real ways. But I started to realize that it's not that because many of the people, most of these people who fail on their diets or buy a membership and don't use it or start working out and stop are very disciplined in other parts of their life. They have consistency in other parts of their life.  They're successful business people, executives, they're good parents, they show up, they're consistent. And yet with this particular part of their lives, it's just the fail rate is almost 100%. So it's not that. The problem is not what we used to think or what a lot of people think in the fitness and health space. Oh, they're just lazy. It's the approach. Yes, the mentality going into it. The approach is all wrong. The approach that most people go into a diet with is going to result in failure. That's just 100%. You are not- The statistics prove that. 100%. And so what we have to do is say, okay, it's not your fault in the sense that it's not that, you know, something wrong with you. It's your approach. And so what we need to do is go out this with a different understanding and different approach if you expect to not be part of that, you know, almost 100% fail rate. What's the five steps to consciousness or whatever that you call it? I forget what you call it. They used to talk about all the time. And a lot of that is just because they don't know that they don't know. No. I mean, most people, we were talking about this off air about other things, which is most things, right?  That's three stars.  You have no idea that you don't know. And a lot of times people think that they do because, oh, okay, I just gotta eat less and move more because that's the law of thermodynamics. So this is all I need to do. Part of the blame goes to, I'd say a big part of the blame goes to the fitness and health and diet industry because what they do is they feed into and promote- We're profiteering off this massive weight. 100%. They are pushing and literally feeding into the wrong approach, the wrong ideas, the wrong ways to enter into this process.  I gotta improve my health. Where do I find the right information? You go popular health, diet, fitness, media, whether it's books or social media or blogs. And you read all that stuff and you're like, oh yeah, that's what I gotta do because that's what they all say I gotta do. Even though the fail rate is literally, I can't think of an industry that promotes techniques and methods that result almost always in failure all the time as often as our industry does. So what I wanna do is I want to present the alternate, the more effective way. By the way, what we're about to talk about is based off of behavioral psychology. So if you talk to people who are experts in that field, they'll tell you a lot of these approaches are backed by studies and it's not just diet. This is stuff that will help you with other parts of your life but it's also backed by our experience training, lots and lots and lots of people and also failing a lot for the first five to 10 years of our careers and really only piecing it together, the back half of our careers because luckily the passion for helping people was able to overcome what we thought was the right approach and question ourselves and say, wait a minute, this isn't working. Well, what are those common characteristics and traits of the 20% of people that actually make it all the way through and then it sticks and it becomes like a lifestyle half? Well, I'd say number one is when you're about to embark on some nutritional changes, don't think of it as a diet and here's why. Okay, I know what the word diet mean, diet literally means supposed to mean.  Yeah, that's the first mistake right out there. Probably the first and number one mistake is the conversation.  That's right. Which implies I'm gonna go off this diet. Right, I'm gonna go on this diet, get to my goal and then I'll go back to normal is what people think.   That's really hard. I don't wanna do that, but for 90 days, I could push through, I could do it because I'm gonna go off after 90 days. So it changes how you approach your nutrition. Now diet literally means the food that you eat, but the way that people use it is literally what we're talking about, which is go on and go off. So you are not going on a diet and in fact, don't go on a diet. What you're doing is you're starting to change or at least the winning approach is how can I make changes that'll stick forever? How can I make changes that I can maintain? By the way, this is gonna change for you as you progress through this and we're gonna talk more and more about this, but that's the mentality.  Now you look at it and you go, what, forever? Yeah, that's not gonna work. Well, have you guys figured out to be able to tell the people that are going to fail by the questions that they ask leading into it? I mean, like with someone getting ready to, they're asking questions like, what's the fastest diet for this? Or what is the best diet for that? Or what is the newest, like people are asking for the newest, the fastest, the best, quickest, they're looking, they're looking for that from a diet. Right away, I know that they fall into that 80% because they're already going into it with the wrong attitude. The people that you see that succeed are saying things like, I know I need to live my life different if I want to, whatever, fill in the blanks, be a better partner, I wanna be healthy, if I wanna be able to keep up with my grandkids, and they have a different motivation behind why they want to change their lifestyle, those people are the people that fall in that small percentage that are actually successful from this, it starts right from the beginning in the attitude that you go into. I wanna say this, and this isn't a point that we're gonna go over, but this is, I think, important to point out, is that the physiological and affects the science behind proteins, fats, and carbs, and certain foods, and how they affect your insulin, and all that other stuff, is not nearly as important. It's not even close to as important as the behaviors and psychology and the connections that you have to food. That's way more important, and here's my evidence. If it was just about the physiology, at this point with the obesity epidemic and the challenges that we have surrounding it and the chronic health issues that have happened, we would have already migrated towards this. I have a packet of meal replacement that I have every day because I don't care, because this is my nutrients, and, but that doesn't work, it doesn't work that way. So that is not the focus, although diets will sell themselves that they're the most effective because of this science behind what they do, and this speeds up the metabolism in a particular way, and this, don't worry about that, worry about the behaviors. That's the most important part. So that brings us to the next point, which is this. Because now you understand that this is not a diet that you're on and off, but rather we're starting to make some permanent changes, the only way to move forward now is to start with small, challenging, yet forever realistic steps, okay? So they have to be small, but challenging. If they're not challenging, they don't mean anything. So it's gotta be something that you're kind of like, okay, I can see how this is gonna be a little bit challenging, but it also simultaneously has to be realistic forever. You have to say that to yourself. Can I eat no carbs for the rest of my life? No, that's probably not realistic, right? Can I, you know, can I just, maybe instead of drinking three sodas a day, can I start by just drinking two sodas a day? And then, oh, that's kind of hard. I really like my sodas, but I think I can do that, and I think I could stick to that forever. Start right there. And then what'll happen is once that becomes a very consistent kind of part of how you eat or how you drink, then you move to the next step. This is the only way to make those long-term changes. You will always find that making big, radical, crazy, motivated state of mind, you know, changes that you're like, I can do this for 90 days. That will almost always happen. Well, this is the biggest difficulty because it's so hype-driven in this, you know, in the beginning of the year where everybody is really trying to address some of these glaring issues that they see and to be able to pull yourself out of that hustle and know yourself, know your behaviors, know your tendencies, know what you're drawn to, and really just start to kind of focus on something very simple that, I mean, yes, you do have to think about like forever, but also even just like a year long of just like, is this something that I can do that's, it's not too invasive in terms of like, I will do that every single day, is that's the one thing I can do every single day? Well, one of the ways to have success with figuring that, because I'm sure there's people listening right now, okay, well, what does that look like for me? I think one of the smartest strategies is pairing it with things you already do. So for example, like I'm gonna start to walk after I eat.  Yeah, it already happens. And currently right now, your behavior is I eat dinner and then I plop on the couch and I turn on the TV or I eat dinner and I put my feet up and I talk to my friend. By the way, it can be a five minute walk. That's right. And that's what I mean by it being so simple and pairing it with something that you already currently do. Or I get up in the morning and I have, you know, a half hour to an hour cup of coffee reading my articles. Like, okay, instead of just doing that, how about I'm gonna listen to them and walk outside for 30 minutes. Like find something that you already have a ritual around that you currently do and build something that's going to improve your health and fitness around that and make it very obtainable and almost easy. Challenging because it's new, right? So that's why I even wanted to elaborate a little bit on you saying like find something challenging. Sometimes people hear that, well, I need to find something. No, not super challenging. It doesn't need to be that challenging. Challenging just means it's something that you weren't consistently doing before. And that can be challenging. So it can be something as simple as adding a 10 minute walk after your meals or on Saturdays when you normally sleep in and watch TV for an hour. Hey, that's you get up and go for a walk. No, there is no judgment here or with you there should be no judgment on the steps that you take, okay? It's different from, I had a lady literally, I've told the story a million times. I'm sure she's heard the podcast by now. Sorry, I keep bringing you up. But her first step was literally reading one page out of a health and nutrition book a day. That was her step. That was challenging yet realistic forever. Now this woman eventually got phenomenal results. I had another client and I love this guy, a good friend of mine still. And his goal was to lose 35 pounds. He had a long history of bad relationships with food and losing weight and gaining weight and doing all kinds of crazy diets and all that stuff. And we did this approach and here's what happened. It took him two years to lose 35 pounds, two years. Now this is what it looked like. He lost no weight for like a year and a half. But then things really started to click because he did this small step approach. And then the steps started becoming bigger and bigger and more impactful. And then he lost 35 pounds in three months. And he kept it off by, this was 10 years ago. He has not gained the weight back versus he lost 35 pounds in three months initially and then gained it back with a 95% probability, right? So this totally works. It's very, very effective. But it's, and it's also the only way to accomplish kind of these permanence with your results. By the way, this is how you develop the skill of discipline with this particular in the context of what we're talking about. This is how you build discipline with anything. So when you apply it to yourself with nutrition, little steps start to build upon each other. And what you'll find naturally, and you might need to just trust me on this because some people might not believe this, that the steps will naturally become bigger on their own. You don't need, you're not gonna need to have someone tell you what to do. You'll do it yourself and you'll find each time you take a step you're gonna want to and they start to become bigger. Well, I think that's one of the biggest challenges that you have people that have been probably thinking about making this change or maybe they just went through the holidays and they put on all this excess weight and then they're motivated to get started and they've decided, okay, I'm gonna make this change but then they want to do everything they think is best. The motivation is the problem. It is, it really is. And they want to apply all the resources or all the things they know that would benefit this new goal of changing your lifestyle or getting in better shape. And it's actually a mistake. It wasn't until later in my career that I learned to be able to see that in somebody and go, listen, I know you say you can get to the gym four or five days a week. I know you say that you can jump on this diet and start doing this. I know you're saying that you're gonna start going for hikes every weekend. I know that you feel motivated to do all those things.   Well, there's two simple examples and I know it's pretty vague about like trying to find like that one like simple thing that has this cascading effect for me and nutritionally was to not drink with my meals. That sounds so ridiculous, but if you think about what that does, for somebody like me who would just slam food down and would just wash it down as quickly as possible, it was a speed issue. And so I had to slow down and really chew, digest my food. I had to keep chewing in order to even get it down.  Like what it is I am consuming. And so from there it was like a building block to make better decisions. By the way, eating fast results in consistently 10 to 15% increase in calories. That's a great step. Okay, so here's one of the big challenges around diets and nutrition as well is that it becomes very hard to understand what balance looks like, right? So it's like, okay, I'm gonna start eating really, really healthy. And then that means I'm not eating these foods at all. And then you're like, okay, but I really like those foods.   And so it's hard to accomplish kind of this balance. Here's a wonderful way to help yourself with balance with food is to understand all of, and value by the way. So understand value, all of the values of food. So what kind of values does food provide you? Well, there's the obvious. It gives me nutrients and energy and proteins and fats and carbohydrates and vitamins and minerals and phytonutrients and all these incredible things that my body needs. That's one value. But does food also bring people together? Of course it does. Food brings people together. Can food be used as a way to celebrate? Can is food enjoyable just for the sake of eating it? Like I'm eating this dish and it's so enjoyable to eat and I'm really, really loving it. Is food a way to show love or care? I mean, absolutely.  Let me bring you some food so you don't have to cook. So food has all these different values. Understand that and value that. Okay, why is that important? That will allow you to create some balance because once you get this, most the time the value that you're gonna look at the most is gonna be, well, is this gonna be healthy for me? Is this gonna fuel my body? Is this gonna make me feel good? Is this gonna make my digestion feel good? My skin? Is it gonna give me energy? But sometimes you're gonna be like, you know what, I'm with my friends right. I haven't seen my friends in a while and we're gonna have some beers and eat some pizza and the value of this food right now is the friendships around, which by the way is very important as well. Or maybe somebody makes you a dish and it's homemade and it's really good. You're like, man, I haven't had your pie in a long time and this looks incredible. I'm gonna, right now I'm gonna value enjoying the taste and the flavor of this food. Once you do this, you'll find this balance because you're not gonna go just the one direction or the other, you're gonna realize that there's so much more value to food than just its nutritional value, for example. Well yeah, and too, once you start to kind of really peer into the values of food in terms of how it makes you feel and you're focused on more bringing nutrients into your body, that's where you can kind of break a lot of the associations you had previous to that. So it's where I start to actually start to enjoy seeking out cruciferous type vegetables or something where I don't typically like the flavor of fish or something but I know it's good for my digestious, good for like a whole host of different reasons to change that up. And so for you to kind of refocus on incorporating whole foods into your diet, it's gonna have like this whole other effect to it and you're gonna be able to break a lot of those common things that would deter you from bringing those kind of foods in. When you do what we're talking about by recognizing all the values of food, you will find that you will crave some foods for their flavor, which you probably already do now, that's an easy one, but you'll also value some foods for how they make you feel or your digestion or your energy or like, I like to eat this before I go into meetings because I feel energized. And then you'll find that you'll actually start to crave them and enjoy them because of these associations. That's what Justin's referring to. It's a real phenomenon and by the way, food manufacturers use advertising to do this all the time.  I find this one to be a little bit challenging for people because it does require some pretty good awareness and then also how much you're willing to dive into educating yourself on that. Because the deeper you dive into learning about the different values of food, the easier this part becomes. But a lot of people don't wanna put that work in.  We're not gonna be moving a lot very much. And so I bet what you choose for breakfast is different than what you would choose knowing you're gonna get a full workout in and be moving around all day long. Like I'm gonna choose a food or a choice for breakfast that's going to satiate me and make me not want to eat any more food or I might choose something that I know is low calorie. Or let's say the last couple of days my stool has been off, I haven't been pooping normal. And so I will choose a food that I know is high in fiber to do that. I'm thinking about other things than just what sounds like what's good to eat. I know you definitely do this with your stomach because you have specific issues going on with that and that if that gets disrupted, you know to go after certain foods.  So this one is, this one there's some surface stuff like understanding that food provides value with friends and socializing and then yes it has all this nutritional value but the deeper you go on understanding the nutritional side, the easier this becomes to make that choice. Yes, this sounds really good. I'm craving this, but oh wow, I'm only at 30 grams of protein right now and so I really do wanna go have that cake but I know that I'm not fulfilling what my body needs. I know if I don't fulfill that, I know I won't feel good and I know I won't get the results I want. Totally, absolutely and the next one is to focus on your behaviors first and make that the priority and then design structures around that. I'll give you a simple example, right? Well, good example is what Justin was saying. With the water and stuff like that. You know when you're drinking water you tend to shuttle the food down just by simply changing that behavior you can make a huge shift. And in many people that will reduce your calories by about 10% just by slowing down the speed at which you eat, right? Here's another one, right? I could either have a client track their food and cut their calories by about 500 calories a day. I'm talking about the average person or I can say just eat until you're satisfied but just avoid heavily processed foods which will also result naturally in a 500 calorie reduction in food intake which has been proven by study after study, right? Eating heavily processed foods typically results in about five or 600 calories of increase. Now what's different about them? They both have the same result. Well, one of them I'm restricting, I'm cutting. The other one I'm not cutting food out necessarily I'm just saying I'm gonna avoid these types of foods because I know that the behaviors that they induce but I'm also allowing myself to eat as much as I want so long as they're kind of whole and natural and that's a better approach from a behavioral standpoint. I'm speaking again from experience. When I would tell clients to do that they would come to me as if the weight loss was magical. I used to love doing this. I'd tell clients, listen, eat until you're full just avoid heavily processed foods. They'd be like, really?  I'm eating till I'm full and I'm losing weight like what's going on with my body and then I would tell them what's happening without you realizing is you're eating about five or 600 calories less every single day. Like what a, how much more of an effective approach is that because we're focusing on behavior rather than focusing on the numbers, right? Yeah, you're not telling yourself you can't have it. I mean, it's like the chew one, right?  Distracted eating. Right, all these things are ways or saying that I'm not telling you you can't have these foods, just don't put it in your house.  Yeah, here's another one like, I've done this with a couple clients where I'll say don't eat when you're really sad, right? I had a couple clients that, you know, they kind of connected that the food, they would medicate with food to make themselves feel better. I say listen, I'm not telling you not to eat, but just when you're feeling really bad, just say okay, I'm not gonna use food right now. I'm gonna wait until I feel a little bit better before I eat. And that also results in a natural reduction in calories. That one's a little bit more individualized, but you know, understand your own behaviors and then, you know, make the decisions based off of that. Like some people after they drink alcohol tend to overindulge or eat to the point where they have a lot of pain. So they'll tell themselves, here's what I'm gonna do.  These are behavior-based approaches versus counting calorie, you know, type of approaches. Here's along those lines, right? Along those lines, I think if you, I don't think, I know if you become aware of how you feel before, during and after you eat, that will help bring awareness around what we just talked about. Behaviors and the values that the food provides you. And this used to shock me actually as a trainer.  Every day at 11, I take a couple of roll-aids. I've just been doing this for years. And I would look at their nutrition, I'd say, I wonder if it's what you're eating for breakfast. And they'd say, well, no, it can't be. I've been eating that bagel for five years. Well, how long have you been having heartburn? Well, geez, about five years. Just try cutting out for a few days and see what happens. And they'd be like, oh my God, it's crazy. I don't have the heartburn anymore. Well, the thing was that they just weren't aware that what they were eating was causing the heartburn, right? What about feeling irritable after or sluggish after? Or what about while you're eating the food, you find yourself in this binge mode, right? Some foods can cause that. Or notice that you're reaching for certain foods because you're anxious or bored versus feeling good and... Or how about the opposite? You notice how amazing you feel. Yes. You eat something and you recognize, like maybe it wasn't this heavy meal that you were craving and you made a healthy choice, a better choice for yourself, but then making the connection of how you felt. Oh, wow, man, at work I was on point, I was sharp. I didn't feel bloated the entire time. My stool was normal. I had good energy levels. Start making the connection to the good choices too. Like it's pretty easy to point out when I eat something bad and I feel sluggish and I feel bloated and I don't want to get up and I feel tired, it's like, but also learn to connect the dots. When you make good choices, when you do discipline yourself to, oh, normally I would have went through a drive-thru and got this, but you know what? I was listening to Mind Pump. Here's the advice they gave me about whole foods. I went and made myself this dish. And then connect.  Cause that's what most people think right away. It's like, yeah, I did it. But boy, it wasn't nowhere near as good as McDonald's. Because they're not acknowledging other stuff. Well, sometimes not even that obvious. Like if you're talking about like a food that you would never associate with some of those gut problems or like, you know, you're on, you have diarrhea, you have heartburn, you have all these types of things. And it's a food you either love or you think is always gonna be healthy because it's recommended all the time. But to be able to kind of pay attention to that and really trace back, it takes work. And it takes that kind of awareness that will benefit you going forward. But it does take that work. I have two examples. One of the example, what you're saying with the healthy. I had a client identify that bananas triggered her psoriasis. Bananas, bananas are healthy fruit, natural fruit. So when she identified that, right? We took bananas out of her diet. And then I had another client who made the connection that well-cooked vegetables resulted in far, she suffered from bloating and digestive issues and constipation. Well-cooked vegetables really was the most effective thing she could eat to help her. And then she started to crave them. She would go on business trips and come back and she'd text me and be like, Sal, you'll never believe what I craved as soon as I got home. A big bowl of turns it more into like medicine, right? It's benefiting you. 100%. Well, this step is crucial in order to make it to the next step. In order for you to make choices about foods that it's like, it's not that I can't have this because my coach or I'm on this plan, I'm not allowed to have this. It's that I don't want to, I don't want to. And the reason why you truly won't want to is because you've learned to connect that. You've made those connections and you understand, oh yeah, right now that sounds good because I'm craving it, but I know how it makes me feel. And I know what I have to do in the next four to five hours. And then I also know that when I do make a good decision, how that makes me feel. And it's not that I can't eat that McDonald's, it's that I don't want to because I want to feel this way. And so it switches the psychology around your quote unquote diet. And it's not about, oh, I can't have it. It's that I choose, I don't want to. In order to get to that step, you got to make this connection first. Yeah, I can't is oppressive. It's tyrannical. It makes me want to rebel. I don't want that is empowering. It's my choice. And I feel good about it.  I don't want to eat that, does not mean that I don't acknowledge that it will taste good when I eat it. That's not what we're talking about because some people get confused. That's one part of wanting. Yeah, they'll say to themselves, but I do want that pizza. No, no, no, no. You are identifying that that pizza is gonna taste good, but you also understand all the other things surrounding that particular food at the moment. And so what you're saying is, I don't want that. Yeah, it'll taste good, but I don't want it. It's like, it'll be like going up to someone, hey, you want to do heroin? I mean, I guess we could acknowledge that heroin's probably gonna feel, that's why people get addicted to it, but do you really want it? No, I don't want it. I know it might, maybe it'll feel good, who knows, but no thanks, I don't want to do that, right? It's the same thing with certain foods. So you can acknowledge and say, wow, that looks like it's gonna taste incredible. I don't want any though. I don't want it. Very empowering and it does not result. Nobody wants to rebel from being empowered, okay? Everybody wants to rebel from feeling oppressed and tyrannized. And if everything is, I can't, I can't have that cookie. Can't have some pizza. I can't have some pasta. Yeah, well, why not? Who's stopping you? Well, eventually you're like, this is what happens.  I just want to enjoy my life. I'm off this diet. And then you don't just have one cookie, you have a whole box of cookies because you're rebelling against the I can't. But it's not that, it's I don't want. And you have to recognize that. And again, that creates this natural environment for balance. Well, now I'm driving, I'm steering. I'm the one in control saying that I don't want this. Personally, instead of deflecting that and putting it off on this other sort of tyrannical version of yourself saying, no, you can't, you can't, you can't. Yeah, by the way, this works so effectively in environments where you might feel social pressure. I remember learning this as a kid because I had, you know, I got into fitness real young and I come from this really big Italian family. We love to celebrate with food. And there's lots of foods that we can eat that tend to bother my gut. And I remember as a kid, I'd go to these family functions and they'd say, hey, have another bowl of pasta, have this. No, I can't, I can't do that. I can't do that. It hurts my, I can't do that because I have this fitness goal or whatever. And then they debate me and argue me, oh, come on, one meal, not a big deal. Who cares? Just have this. And then I remember one day saying, oh, I don't want any. And then people left me alone. I think because people know intrinsically that you say you don't want, well, you're empowered. You don't say you can't. Well, oh, you can. Let me help you get away from this, you know, this tyrannical situation, right? So much more effective and I don't want, does not mean you don't acknowledge it tastes good. It doesn't mean that you don't acknowledge that. You're gonna have this fun time eating it in the next 10 minutes. It just means for what you're looking to do and what you're valuing at that moment, I actually don't want that particular food. It also sets you up for the next one, which is like strategizing around how to create barriers.   I don't want to drink, I don't want to eat bad, but I am gonna be putting myself in this situation. And so being aware of what you're gonna feel like and then also trying to set boundaries and barriers to make it more difficult for you to make that choice that you know you don't want to do. Yeah, the impulsive, so I had a client once who she had an issue with chocolate. Chocolate was her trigger food and she would almost, oftentimes not even include it, so this particular client, we eventually went through this process where she would log her food, she would track it and she wouldn't include the chocolate, but she would tell me afterwards. So it's like, it wasn't written down, but then she would tell me and I'd say, that's interesting, why do you tell me, why don't you write it down? So we had this long conversation and she's like, I almost don't want to acknowledge that it's happening because she was trying to maintain this impulsive behavior and not become aware of it, which would result in her becoming aware of this particular impulse, right? So we all have this by the way, we all have these impulsive actions and many of us have these around certain types of foods. For me, it's potato chips. If there's potato chips around, I am going to throughout the day have some potato chips eventually resulting in me eating a lot of potato chips by the end of the day. So I know I have this impulsive behavior around this particular food and I don't necessarily need to break down why it is potato chips for me. I mean, yeah, they're very palatable and yeah, I'm sure I had a connection to it when I was a kid because that was the snack, the one snack that maybe my mom bought or whatever. Nonetheless, I know I can become impulsive with potato chips. So the barrier that I put between myself and potato chips is this. I can have potato chips. I never tell myself I can't have them. I just tell myself, if you want them, you got to drive to the store and buy yourself a single serving. Like if you really want chips, drive to the, by the way, the store is literally a mile and a half for my house. So it's not like I have to drive across towns a mile and a half, but I'd have to get in the car, drive over there, walk in, grab a single serving bag, bring it home and then eat it. So what does that do? It gives me space. That's all it does. It's not necessarily a barrier with all these crazy challenges.  What I'm talking about is creating enough space between you and the impulse. And what that space does is it opens the door for a little bit of awareness. And so sometimes I'll drive to the store to buy the chips, but sometimes the awareness kicks in and I go, eh, I really don't, do I really want them? I actually don't want them, I'm pretty full. Barriers can look different too. They can look like this. And this works for me a lot, right? So I come home, it's been a long day of work. Maybe I even skipped a meal and so I have an eight and so I'm hungry. The cravings, the cravings are kicking in. And I know there's a pie or a dessert or something that's in the refrigerator that I love, that's amazing. And I want it.  A lot of times what I'll do is I'll say I'm gonna have that pie or maybe I will have that pie, but first I'm gonna make sure I eat this dinner or this meal first. And many times what ends up happening is once I feed myself and I get what my body needs, I know that craving goes away. Right now when I have an eat, I'm low on calorie, my body's craving down near anything and then I have something that's very tempting that's already there at my house and I don't have that barrier to where I have to go somewhere, but sometimes the barrier could be, okay, I'm not gonna say no or say I can't. I'm just going to tell myself I have to eat my dinner, eat what my body needs first and then if I still want it after that, then I'll have it and two things end up happening.  Yeah, I used to have, I had a client who did, this was just specifically what she did for herself. She said, she had her own trigger foods and her barrier was if I really want it, I have to write down, she would open her phone in the notes, I have to write down how I'm feeling and why I want it. I mean, it literally would take three minutes to do that, but the pausing was enough space for her to develop a little bit of awareness around the impulse and it actually resulted in her eating it like half as much as she did before. That's a great one. Writing down, it makes it real and I think that a lot of that is definitely like we want to kind of push that under the rug and just yeah, I kind of go through phases of this and you don't really want to acknowledge it because you also like it. There's a lot of times where I just like to have something sweet at night and I don't look at it as a problem all the time, but it's just, it's totally impulsive. I don't want to acknowledge that I have that behavior. So I'm just gonna kind of sweep it under the carpet so nobody sees it real quick and it's real secretive. You take that whole secret side of it out once you write it down and make it real. Another funny one that I've seen work and people have success with is making a rule that you just have to make it, like, you know. Take the steps to make it.  You can't go to the grocery store and go buy them or can't go open them out of a package. Like you gotta bake them and a lot of times the work it takes to bake and then you're just like, I don't really feel it. It's the space. That's all it is. And that is, all it is is it's creating that time of like, oh God, do I really want it that bad or I'm gonna have to go put it all together? I love that one. So I do that one with cookies in my house and the reason why I like that one is exactly what you're saying. I eat way less cookies because of it but also when I do make them, I have the kids help me and it becomes a different value and I'm much less likely to impulsively eat a crap ton of them because now I'm really enjoying the time with my kids, we're listening to music and we're baking the cookies. Yeah, and not to mention you're probably up and moving it around. Even though we're talking about the minimal amount of calories that are being burned, they're still being burned. And you feel better when you move. Yeah, exactly. You're moving around, you're doing something versus walking over to the cupboard and opening a box of cookies. And there it is, and wolfing them down before he sees you. Yeah, sitting down on the couch and peeling away at them, watching a Netflix series or like that, getting up and actively having to work and move around, totally creates a relationship. Oh, you know what, it just reminded me of another one. I had a client who had kids and he told me and we're trying to figure out this barrier situation. And he said, oh, you know what really sucks? He goes like, I have to hide certain foods. I have to hide ice cream because if my kids see it then they're gonna want and eat a ton of it as well. So I told him, I said, oh, here's an idea.   And it worked, it totally worked for him because he's like, you know, I still ate it sometimes, but sometimes I was like, do my kids really need to have ice cream right now? And then I got to go get them. Oh, it's so much easier to put roadblocks for your kids because they're not you, I can do it, I'm an adult. I'm glad I didn't backfire by the way, right? Everybody just gets it set up right. All right, so here's another good one and I'll use myself as an example, okay? When I'll have certain goals or targets or things I wanna change and I'll think about them for a little while, when I know I'm gonna get serious about them is when I tell the people in my life that I know really care about me because when I tell them, it becomes very real. And by the way, it's very important you pick the right people.   So, and it's a very powerful, this is such a powerful step that some people are afraid to make it because, oh, I don't know if I wanna do this one because this makes everything real, real. But boy, is it effective. And I think you guys do the same thing. We'll come here to work and we'll announce what we're gonna do to each other. Oh, well to me, this is the, or for me personally, this is the most powerful one of all of them. And I take this one the most serious out of all of these because I just, your word is your bond. And if I put something out there and say I'm going to do something, it's extremely important to me personally that I follow through and I do that. So, I mean, the success of the whole competing thing to me was heavily attributed to, I announced that too, at that time it was a small amount of people, but my YouTube and Instagram following saying, telling people, this is what I'm going to do. When I put it out at that point, I mean, there was a lot of thinking behind closed doors. Yeah, it was in the last minute. And yeah, and talking and kind of planning, what would this look like? Could I commit to that? And kind of working it all out. And then once I said it, that this is what I'm going to do, to me, there was no looking back after that because you do that and you don't follow through, then that's how people will look at, how you do anything is how you do everything. And if you're the type of person who says they're going to do stuff and it doesn't follow through, people will look at you like that. But that's why it's very important to tell someone that you know personally who actually cares about you because here's what may happen. If you tell, let's say I tell my sister, I know she really cares about me and I know she's the person that will celebrate my victories and mourn my losses with me.   And I tell her a bunch of stuff and then she may say to me, that sounds like a law all at once, Sal. Are you sure you want to take this big step right now? Maybe you should start a little smaller. Because I respect her, because she cares about me, I'm more likely like, yeah, I think you're right, I'll do that. Also, the empathy is there, but real empathy and real from people who care about you is also honest. It's like, all right, yes, I know you said you did, you were going to do something and yes, it's true. You didn't do it, but it's okay. A lot of people fail, we can try again, right? That's the person that you want to, by the way, studies show, this is not just my experience, studies show that when you tell somebody close to you that cares about you, about something you want to do, your success rate does go through the roof and the stick rate also goes through the roof. So pick this person or these people very carefully. Now this takes me to the next one and this one's a really hard one, okay? Be empathetic towards yourself. Now, if you're a parent, this might be easy for you to understand if I put it this way. Be empathetic towards yourself like you are for your kids, okay?  I would never say that to my kid. I would say something like, hey, you keep falling, keep getting back on and try again. Hey, why don't you try this instead? This might be something that you're doing wrong. Try and do it this way, right? That's empathy, not the whole shame, make you feel like garbage thing. We're so quick to do that to ourselves, so quick to make ourselves feel worse for something that was challenging to begin with, okay? So by the way, empathy and love are also real and honest. It's not, it's just like I wouldn't be empathetic to my kids by letting them eat candy all the time that they, whenever they wanted it, that wouldn't be the very loving, right? It would be sometimes, most of the time I'd say, no, you can do this with yourself. And I'm going to tell you this right now, even if you follow the steps that we're saying in this particular episode, even if you follow the steps, you're still gonna stumble a few ways, a few times along the way, okay?  Almost nobody's gonna have a perfect game all the way through. If you get in the ring, you're gonna get punched in the face sometimes. That's gonna happen while I do this process. So, and it's okay, don't hammer yourself for it. Just say, okay, what can I do differently? I think that this is one of those steps or keys to success in life in general. And I think it's one that a lot of people don't have. A lot of people fail at business or fail at it. And then after that, decide that they can't do it or they weren't cut out to be that way. They're shaming themselves so bad, I'll never do that again. Right, and the people that you have found that are the most successful, they didn't not fail. In fact, they probably failed a lot more than the average person, but that's just it. They had that empathy, they had that ability to not beat themselves up over it and to embrace it. Like, oh, instead of looking at it like it was failure, it's like I learned something. Embrace the pain. I learned that barrier or I learned that strategy wasn't right for me. There's other strategies, there's other things out there, there's other ways that I can accomplish this goal. And just because I didn't get it or because I had a setback, it doesn't mean you just throw the whole thing out. It just means that, oh, let me try it a different way or let's do a different strategy that didn't work well for me. Let's have a different approach and being okay with it, accepting it, right? It's done, what's done is done. I made the decision, I didn't do a good decision, it set me back, now boom, I'm right back at it again.  And so if you come back and you can then readjust it and tend to navigate through that and move past it as long as you acknowledge that it happened and you forgive yourself, you move forward. Yeah, totally. And that brings us to the last point here now. Goals are great, having targets are great but they're not the be all end all. Don't fall in love with the goal and the target because you gotta do something after that, right? Now what?  Okay, well what happens after you lose the 30 pounds? Well, I'll figure it out then. No, no, no, no, that's not gonna work. Enjoy the journey or learn to, by the way, it's not gonna happen overnight but learn to enjoy the journey. Like if you learn how to really value and enjoy for example, eating healthy, the target and the goal don't matter. You're gonna hit targets and goals along the way and it's always gonna be that way because you enjoy the process. By the way, the process is where all the value is. And this happens not just in nutrition and in fitness. This happens for lots of different things. We had Mark Manson on the podcast a while ago. He wrote, what was that, what was the book he wrote? Rural Art of Not Giving a Fuck. That's it. And I remember him saying how it was like this big goal to write this best seller and his life dream and then he finally did it and it became this best seller. And then he went through a period of depression afterwards. This is a well-documented phenomenon. You see this with athletes, people who trained the whole lives for the Olympics, they went to gold, then they go through a year or two of depression because it's all about the goal. Once they're there, now what, right? So if you start to learn how to enjoy the process or do things within the process that you enjoy, for example, if you're gonna pick a form of cardiovascular exercise to do within your workout routine, pick the one that you're gonna enjoy the most, right? Because now you enjoy the process. Don't pick the one that you think is the most effective that you freaking hate.  Just don't do it, you're gonna hate the process. It's not gonna last. So pick those things and work around the situations where you think you can start to enjoy this process. And if you enjoy the process, the destinations and the goals to themselves. I think you have to learn to look at failures, setbacks and challenges in the journey though, different. Most people have a failure, a setback or a challenge and they're frustrated or they're irritated or they wish it didn't happen. When you actually learn to reframe that as part of the process that you actually like, it completely shifts the way you look at this. And I've shared the story before on the podcast but it was such an important moment for me to look at the challenges that I had and this was related to business but it applies to what we're talking about in fitness. And I talk about the time that I called Katrina up on the phone and I was venting to her. I was frustrated.  I'm barking to her and so at that and she just let me go. And then when she finished or when I finished, she asked me if I was done and I was like, yeah, well, I'm done. And she had like, I thought she had nothing to say and she says, would you have it any other way? And I took a long pause and I remember going like, you're right. Like if it was this whole journey that we are in and building this business was easy, would I enjoy it as much? And I wouldn't, if anybody could do it and it was so simple that all you had to do was a couple little things, it wouldn't mean anything. It wouldn't have the same value. And in fact, the harder that it is and the more of these challenges I have and the more of these setbacks I have in the pursuit of this, the more value and the more enjoyment I truly have and to learn to reframe those when you hit them because it's inevitable. If this is a lifelong journey, this pursuit of having this ultimate health and living longer and having a more fulfilled life, if that's a lifelong journey, then it's inevitable those things are going to happen and you just need to learn to look at them from a different perspective. Yeah, if you never faced those challenges, those setbacks, there's not gonna be any real opportunity for change.  I mean, where's the fire to move in a different direction? It's not gonna be there. So, yeah, to look at it completely different, like, oh wow, this is obvious now. Like, this is something that I can now step out of that and do it differently, but I have to see it first. So you have to present it to yourself as this is an opportunity for me to now redirect. Yeah, and to bring it to fitness and nutrition, when you start to enjoy the journey, the steps that you take on that journey can change depending on what happens in your life. Like, maybe working out at this moment means I'm getting strong and I'm having great workouts and I'm pushing my body because everything's going great, but maybe in a few years, stressful things happen in your life and the workout is a time for you to get away from things, to center, to feel stress relief. Maybe nutrition means, like I said earlier in this episode, I'm fueling and nourishing my body. Maybe other times the journey means, you know, right now I'm enjoying connecting with the friends and family around myself or I'm enjoying eating this incredible dish that my spouse and I made together and my kids and I made together, I made by myself. So, the journey means a lot of different things, but if you enjoy the journey, it doesn't matter, the destinations don't matter so much, you're gonna hit them all.  Look, if you like our information, head over to mindpumpfree.com and check out all of our free guides. We have guides that can help you with almost any fitness goal. You can also find all of us on Instagram, so Justin is at Mind Pump, Justin. I'm at Mind Pump Salon, Adam is at Mind Pump, Adam.


Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic the one skill, the one skill that instantly improves your relationship. All right really quickly before we get started today if you're new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell to be notified of new content. I shoot about three videos a week plus I do a live now once a week on Fridays. All right depending on what time zone you're in. Friday's here in Los Angeles, California. Okay we're gonna talk about that one skill that instantly improves your relationship. So what I've observed over the years is that you know there's this fantasy that most and I'm gonna be a judgment here most women adopt that every relationship should just be perfect that if you love each other everything will just be perfect and everything will magically work out because that's what does love does that makes everything magical right and while I certainly appreciate and appreciate what love does love is that that glue that bonds us together that makes us go I want to be a better man I want to be a better person in relationship that is certainly true but the reality is is most people are unskilled at being in relationship and even worse most people aren't even familiar with the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship and that's partly because they haven't done the inner work to be prepared for a relationship and that's why they're lacking this one skill this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway what the heck is self love anyway there's the back there's a link below to get a copy of my book the book is a journey of personal development self help and spiritual work and why I repeat myself over and over and over and over and over again in all my videos about the importance of doing personal development self help and spiritual work is that it helps in the processing of being less judgmental it helps in the processing of being less making comparisons for yourself and others it helps significantly in the self condemnation that most human beings have for oneself I mean we humans oftentimes can crucify ourselves and that's me being on the cross right we can crucify ourselves with inner language that can be so unhealthy for a relationship and this is one of the reasons why most people haven't adopted this important skill that absolutely improves relationships very quickly now if you're not familiar with the work of the book by marshal Rosenberg nonviolent communication nonviolent communication by marshal Rosenberg I wish he titled this compassionate communication because what I'm about to lean into right now is so significantly important at understanding compassionate communication and this one skill that's lacking in both men and women alike this one skill is conflict resolution skills let me repeat that conflict resolution skills now what does that look like what does conflict resolution skills look like so I want you to imagine that you know we have this fantasy relationship should just be so perfect but oftentimes there is friction there's going to be differences and this is significantly true for those of us in midlife if you're after baby making years of before retirement that's the demographic I speak to we come to the table with a lot of luggage so to actually intertwine with another person can be kind of rough if you haven't learned good conflict resolution skills okay this is why in the book by Dr. John and Julie Gottman in the book eight dates this teaches you how the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship but chapter oops I'm going to turn my page chapter two is called agree to disagree addressing conflicts so first it's learning how to address conflicts so I'm going to teach you the way I approach this and first off when you're having a difference with your partner what's most important is that you hear you listen to your partner's point of view you then accept their point of view even if you disagree but it's important to accept their point of view acknowledge their point of view and then share your point of view on what's going on so it's listening and accepting not accepting that you're agreeing with it but at least you're validating their point of view now if both people aren't going to do this this is going to be very pragmatic problematic however here's the thing ladies lead by example because after a little while if you're with the right guy he's going to start adopting your communication style it's natural when emotionally mature people are entering into relationship to start to improve themselves improve themselves but one has to lead now I know this sucks I know you don't like the idea of you having to be the leader in this regard wouldn't it be great if everybody came fully trained but I'll be candid with you women are just as weak as this skill as men I'm a single man out there and I can tell you women are horrible at this so and and I know this even from talking to my clients this is why I'm such a big proponent of teaching you how to vet for emotionally available men vetting in fact that's what my whole coaching program is all about is helping you identify the right man and learn how to vet them and if you're not if you need some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with the coach is right for you because if you want to improve your odds of being in the right relationship let me teach you how to vet for emotionally available men because emotionally available men are already going to be somewhat trained in this area of listening and accepting your point of view and vice versa because it's not about being right it's about choosing to be happy let me repeat that it's not about being right it's about choosing to be happy and how one does that is it's not about you winning an argument it's about how can we come together as a team being happy is saying how can we resolve this as a team because the reality is is here's the thing if your relationship has five good things in one conflict you're in great shape and what I mean by conflict is some friction okay but if you only have two good things in five friction that's going to be problematic this is why adopting and learning these skills is going to instantly increase improve your relationship and if it doesn't chances are you're not with the right person because as I wrote my book if it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person so that's my invitation to you learn good communication skills read the books I recommend they're going to make a big difference in your life okay now I'm sure you have something to say about this post a comment below I'd like to hear your questions on this if you like these videos let me know I really appreciate the feedback all right I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off I'm going to give myself a big gigantic shot the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the microphone or the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it a hug of love because everyone deserves love and we can all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now


This scoping review aims to explore the challenges and coping strategies adopted by both incarcerated individuals and correctional staff during the COVID-19 pandemic. The research will utilize the AXI and O'Malley framework to identify relevant literature from various sources, including PubMed, PSYC Info, SAGE, JSTOR, African Journals and Google Scholar. Two independent reviewers will screen the titles, abstracts and full texts for inclusion, while any discrepancies or conflicts will be resolved through discussion with a third reviewer. Once all relevant studies have been identified, they will be extracted and analyzed using the Donabegian conceptual framework. The findings will then be published in peer-reviewed journals and submitted to key stakeholders, such as prison decision makers and policy makers. This article was authored by Wendell Fundo-Tzebetzi, Edward Free, and Samantha Mlanga.