Our first session is going to be moderated by Jonathan Zitrain. And the theme is delineating the public and private. And a lot of the idea behind this session is to bring people from different fields together to talk about how in their areas of expertise, the public and private are delineated and what kind of distinctions and definitions and concepts they bring to this area. So welcome to Jonathan. Jonathan is a professor of law here at Harvard Law School. He's one of the co-founders of the Berkman Center, along with Charlie up there. And he served as its first executive director. He's the author of The Future of the Internet and How to Stop It. And so welcome, Jonathan. And I'd like the panelists for the first session to come up. Thanks so much, Judith. Welcome to our panelists. Do I get a hug? Oh, you get a hug. It's the morning. Why not? Thank you. So good morning. And welcome to what I call yet another privacy conference. But this one is different. This one is different not because of the issues we're going to talk about, because at yet another privacy conference, what defines it is that we're always talking about these issues, but more because of the people in the room. This conference is a mashup. We have people from different disciplines and people who think about this kind of stuff full time mixed with people who don't think about it so much, or perhaps maybe this is peripheral to what they're doing, but also touches us all. And in having this mashup, I think the hope is we may be able to come to some new insights during the day and the kind of insights that may creep up on you and club you later. It's not necessarily what business people call when they go to their conferences, actionable items, which, of course, to lawyers, actionable items are things you can sue over. So again, you have some difference in opinion. So our first panel is sort of meant to represent that mashup spirit. This is almost like a lawyer, a computer scientist, and an architect walk into a bar. And here they are. And we're going to figure out what the punchline is. And I guess just one note on my mind before we start is to realize that when you have a mashup situation, when you have people who have been studying and breathing this stuff as part of their life's work, you can, if they are indeed expert, end up having them be very much marinating in a particular vernacular or a particular way of thinking about things. And in trying to cross from one vernacular to another may be where there are lessons to learn. I think if we had, I don't know, quantum theorists or string theorists, physicists, hard scientists at the front of the room, we would expect not to understand a word they were saying. If we understood what they were saying, we would want our money back kind of thing. Here we want to understand what people are saying. And the people who are saying it want to be able to speak at the level of subtlety for which specialized vernacular and such may be required. But anyway, this is sort of to give myself license as I'm kind of the clueless man for Mars on behalf of the clueless people among us. And you know who you are to be able to ask questions as we hear from the experts among us. So that said, I wonder if we should start with Paul Dourish from UC Irvine. Paul, you've got a few opening remarks to share. And before you deliver them, tell us how you found your way to privacy as a field or subfield. Let's see. So I've been working on areas connected to this stuff for a long time. Ever since my, actually my first job was a research center in Cambridge and England, Ranks Rock Zero Park, which was made up roughly one third of computer scientists, psychologists, and sociologists. And we were doing a lot of work around the use of multimedia communication technologies. And many of the, and immediately running into all sorts of questions about privacy access and the forms of sort of the kind of participative statuses that people could have through those sort of early multimedia and ubiquitous computing applications. And it has turned out to be this topic that I can't get away from. So you just gave in and started to love the bomb. It's just, that's right, it's there. You can't really pretend that it's not. Although many people manage to. And I can't help but ask too, among privacy scholars, there are those who, their medium is their message, they are extremely private personally. And among privacy scholars, there are those who are extremely public. They're constantly blogging about how much they care about privacy kind of thing. I'm just curious, where you fall along the spectrum and the link between the personal and the professional? Well, let's see, probably more towards the private. But on the other hand, in the midst, might be something we end up talking about. I'm not necessarily sure that blogging is a public activity. It's a very carefully crafted activity. It's not that I'm not on Twitter. Old people always complain I'm only on Twitter at conferences. And not that I'm not on Facebook, but then those are crafted. The right question there might be which you is on Twitter and the choice of which you could define public and private. And again, I suppose it's a spectrum, not necessarily a binary choice. With that, hit us. OK, it's a black jester. All right, let's see. There's a couple of things that I wanted to try to throw out as starting points for some of the conversation, both in this session and later on today, coming out to some work, a couple of projects that I've been doing over several years. And the first thing I want to try and talk about that's been important in a lot of the work that I've undertaken is thinking about privacy not so much as something that people have, but something that people do. So this is partly because I work a great deal with anthropologists and sociologists, and we're trying to focus on the detailed cultural practices by which privacy gets done. What is it that people are doing when they're doing private? What is it that they're doing when they're doing public? On the plane from Los Angeles yesterday, I was reading Christina Nippard-Ang's relatively new book, Islands of Privacy, and she gives this fabulous section where she has a list of all the things that people do as ways of keeping things public or making things public or keeping them private. My favorite one was tidying up before the cleaning lady comes, and before a dinner party, reorganizing your pile of magazines to put the Oprah Magazine on the bottom and Gourmet Magazine on the top. So looking at those sort of mundane everyday practices by which privacy actually happens. But more importantly, I think there's this notion that in doing privacy, in being private, in orienting towards information is potentially public or private. These are some of the ways in which we do social relations. These are some of the ways in which social life plays out. Being in an intimate relationship, being in a family means having a certain kind of orientation towards information is being potentially public within that group, right? It's not that I, although computer scientists often take this sort of economic model of a cost-benefit trade-off or value I get back for giving information out, that's not what's going on when people share the details of their day when they get home. So privacy as practice is the first thing I sort of wanted to focus on. And then the second one sort of related to that, thinking about public, is to point towards some of Michael Warner's work, as a media theorist and queer theorist, on publics and counter-publics. And I found Warner's work very useful. Warner's focused not so much on a notion of public, but on the many different kinds of publics that are formed and that emerge, and emerge for him as a media theorist in forms of address and encounter with media objects. Publics, for him, is what happens in that notion of recognition of this is aimed at people like me. And as soon as I have that notion of people like me, I have a sense of myself being connected to these other sort of publicly addressed strangers that gives me a sense of myself and gives me a sense of identity that bands me together with other people. So it's a form of recognition and also a form of connection that perhaps lies, that it's much smaller than what we talk about as the public. I'm obviously a member of many different publics simultaneously, but that arises out of an encounter with media objects or with other people, with events and with places. So the notion of publics here is something that begins to speak to a pattern of sort of complicated sameness and difference, ways that I can distinguish between different kinds of publics, ways that I recognize myself as being in some ways the same as other people. And that's a very resonant notion for me as a computer scientist because it links into the ways in which we think about infrastructure. And as a computer scientist, a lot of what we do is build infrastructure. We build technologies, we build networks, we build these things that provide new ways of connecting people. And those infrastructures, and I think of infrastructure fairly broadly here to include practices, organizational schemes, relational databases and all the rest of it, as think of infrastructure as things that create patterns of sameness and difference. The power infrastructure is about making sure that power is exactly the same at all the places you can plug into it, that those places where you can't plug into it become very notionally different. And so those patterns of sameness and difference are what sort of go through all of my thinking about these questions of public and private. But in a way that I think speaks to a much greater sort of fragmentation and separation than just a standard notion of this is private and this is public. So let me just quickly, I wasn't keeping track of the time, give a couple of examples from some of the recent projects. Skip that one and go on to the others. So one of the movie I've been doing for a couple of years was looking at the case of parole sex offenders in California who were being tracked with GPS. And one of our interests in the context of mobile computing and mobile technologies is how do the GPS units function as a means to re-encounter everyday space? How do you think about space if you have to move through it without, for instance, coming within 2,000 feet of a public park or playground, a swimming pool, a library, a school and so forth? Certainly not something that I could have done when walking here from the hotel this morning since I just don't know where I am. And one of the things that becomes interesting for the sex offenders and relevant, I think perhaps for this conversation, is first, a reconfiguration of the scale at which public space is encountered. Even though the parole regulations say that you can't come within 2,000 feet of one of these places, it's impossible to navigate the everyday world at that level, it's impossible to navigate at the level of 2,000 feet. What becomes relevant for people tagged in this way is what are safe towns to be in? The sorts of towns that don't have schools, playgrounds, public parks. What are safe places to go where you can wander around without necessarily or potentially violating your parole conditions? So scale becomes reconfigured. I think that's something that's probably very familiar to many of us in a sort of online electronics or web 2.0 kind of context. The scales at which we are connected to others become radically different than those of the sort of encounters of everyday life in a non-electronically mediated world. And the second sort of thing just quickly out of those, out of that project is to think in more complicated terms about the kinds of social relations that are enacted by notions of public and private. What does it mean to be connected to people in these different kinds of publics? We actually found the word privacy to be remarkably problematic for thinking about the sex offender case, not least because the Supreme Court of many states have ruled that privacy is not an issue here, just by fiat. But instead, thinking in terms of people's accountabilities to each other. Again, I think something that we encounter a lot in a sort of web 2.0 online world that is that participation in different kinds of systems renders me accountable to different kinds of other groups in different ways. This takes on a very different kind of notion for the parole officers who suddenly find themselves accountable for the very complicated and extremely detailed log that they have of everywhere that all of their cases go. And who suddenly find that anytime that a GPS bounce causes their parolee to suddenly momentarily electronically appear to be in Nevada rather than California that has to be accounted for, that has to be lodged, that has to, there's a process that has to go on organizationally. So I think in these sort of terms of accountabilities of responsibilities, of different kinds of visibilities of the kinds of commitments that we have to each other, we can see within this framework of many different kinds of publics, and many different kinds of practices of privacy, a much richer way of thinking about the social relations that get enacted through these kinds of systems. So Paul, thank you for putting on the table two, and maybe more, but I at least got two interesting concepts floating around one privacy as practice, not just as rule set or something. And the second, the concept of multiple publics. And the examples are extremely provocative. I was waiting to hear, given your computer scientists, that maybe you did the iPhone app. I mean, in CompSci, there's the traveling salesman problem.   There would actually be a fascinating app to write, and to actually imagine people don't have to be sex offenders to download it. You'd learn a lot actually about the implications of that law, to try to actually live your day according to those terms of parole, and see how long it would have taken you to get here from the hotel across the street. I mean, how easy it would be to write that app? Well, I see. There's actually one of the things I'm reminded of is an application called IC that Tad Hersch and other people did, which was attempting to navigate your way across Manhattan without coming in within view of a surveillance camera. And there's producing some very complicated routes.  That's right, there's various strategies. Well, actually, I mean, ironically, one of the reasons we got into it was sort of thinking that there's no way to ask Google Maps what your route is from A to B without coming within 2,000 feet of one of those places, although it rapidly turned, rapidly proved moot ennui as we discovered that many of the subjects in our initial pool were also as part of their parole conditions not allowed to be online, which we need to think about it, okay. So those were not conditions. My concern as a computer scientist, I'm not, I have to say, I'm an unusual computer scientist and I'm not that sort of computer scientist, unfortunately, anymore, who spends a lot of their time building these things, although a lot of products do come out of my group. I thought that's what computer scientists and graduate students were for. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, unfortunately, most of the graduate students we're working with on this project were criminology graduate students. No, but I think one of the things that is important for us is not necessarily to, first, not necessarily to see sex offenders as a design population, but the other one was to try to think about how it is this notion of privacy gets enshrined within the kinds of technologies that we build, in particular if privacy does become a rule set and if it is sort of based on a predicated upon a notion of trade-off and economic trade-off between sort of disclosure and value delivered, then a whole bunch of other kinds of things are neglected about the forms of participatory status that are enacted. So at the first conference where I presented this stuff and was focusing particularly on this notion of accountability as perhaps a better kind of term than privacy for much of what was going on, a person stood up right after me and then gave a paper which was one of these standard systems, these sort of buddy type systems where it helps you understand where your friends are when they're out for a drink of an evening. This was in Glasgow, so an evening of drinking, that's quite a long time. And one of the things that they commented was, oh, well, as we found that people really didn't care about privacy very much here, and in fact, did you then relate a story where somebody was getting a lot of hassle from his mates for not having said where he was out the night before, like, why, who were you out with that you're not telling us this? And it was a great example of this notion of accountability as perhaps a more useful lever than privacy here. What kinds of accountability did this person suddenly find himself subject to by his participation in a system that made it possible for people to keep track of these things? And that's more my concern in terms of design implications, not so much what would it be to build an iPhone app here, but what kind of notions of privacy are being enshrined in technology and how is it that they then become the basis for any of us to think about what privacy might be? Well, that nicely brings also to bear your notion of multiple publics, that the experience of this workshop right now for people in this room could be very different because for some people, there's a bunch of old friends here, it's like, these are my people, this is my public, is very different from somebody who may have just turned up, doesn't really know anybody, it's a totally different experience that might even be captured by public and private, and I suppose also puts on the table the notion of identity, that a public, it sounds like by your vernacular, is a group with whom you identify, and the story you told about Foursquare, Govalla, these check-in apps is they let you identify who your public is and exclude everyone else, these are the people with whom I identify, at which point they're like, hey, you should be in our public all the time, what, did you stop being us? Why did you not check in? Right, and it gives us another way of thinking perhaps about the ways of being private and public, and the ways of being public and private as well, through one's participation. Very good, thank you.


Land with my heart. It is Ivan here with you. We're broadcasting right across the Northwest and beyond on Heidelbradio.com. We're on Facebook at the moment. We're also on our YouTube channel and we're gonna be here right the way through until 7 p.m. bringing you the best in music. We're gonna stay with us. A little bit of music history right now. Let's go back to this very day. Let's go back to the year 1985 and on this day thanks to an innovative video that takes place in a comic book. We all remember the video. Take On Me gives the Norwegian group AHA number one in America and the group's groundbreaking video helps push Take On Me to number one and also earned six accolades at the MTV Video Music Awards including Best Special Effects, Best Concept and Viewers Choice. It also forever traps AHA in their seminal hit at least in the US where they never quite reached the apex of the hot 100 again.  So yes on this day back in 1985 this was Top of the Charts.


We have you run over. Thank you. Take a chair over there. I'll be here. OK. You've got it. This is Colt Powell. It's Mike Huygensman. Nice to see you. How are you, Bob? Nice to see you. I'd love to see you. Sure. The NAC director? Yes, sir. You know, I guess he's the one. Yeah. Who are the others here? Well, I'm looking forward to this because I understand your position on the national security and national defenses. What's the same? Well, I'm very strong on national defense. I always have been. I've always felt like it. It was an absolute must. And it was right that you also supported Lineman and Defoe. That's correct. I want you to know I got a lot of heat from a lot of Democrats here. Well, welcome. Well, I've had it for eight years with the Governor of California. Did you? Yes. And there are 43 governors who will have that. Yes. I just coming here, I miss that more than anything. Well, I think the time's come because if we're serious about balancing the budget and solving a lot of these other problems, and I think we've deluded the authority of the presidency too much by the courts and Congress and the bureaucracy over the years, and it's time to restore something. We all do it that way. I like that. That's why I want to talk to you about the freedom fighters. I don't know how much you know what it is about that. We're convinced that their pressure is what has brought the Sandinistas for the first time to be willing to talk about a peace negotiation. We, for seven years, have been trying to bring that about on our own. We had a representative down there, and we could get the freedom fighters to agree to lay down their arms and cough if we don't get them. Sandinistas do. But now, with them doing this, we believe that that little gift that we're going to sequester, you understand, I think, the program, 36, maybe, 3.6 of that, is going to be put in this program. That's for work. If the other's offered food and medicine, then she'll open. But if they get together and she's fired, then the weapons will stay there. They won't go to the food level. If they don't, then if the Sandinistas are still behaving the way they have, then we're forced to release them. So weapons will be worked on. Freedom fighters are going to ask for more about the program there. Congressman, you know I have something in common that you know where Fort Campbell is. I heard you had the flu bug. I had the good flu bug last week and some people said, did you feel like you returned from the walking dead and all I said, crawling dead from the bed to the bathroom and back to bed. Before we get started, I just want to hand this to you. It's the only copy that I'm going to send over here. I'm not sure that you left behind to read it, but I want to report on a trip that I just got back from from the South Pacific with emphasis on Philippines, Australia and New Zealand and part that you might be interested in is with the Philippines. I'm very much concerned about things over there. And I had a meeting with Admiral Crow yesterday and there are some problems that I'm sure you know about and that's going to highlight some of the things that we saw over there. We had a nice visit with Mrs. Aquino. What a gracious lady she is. We've got her hands full. We've got to do more than what we've done I think over there with our ladies above and everything else. At least it's a summary and that's a white-ass copy and they just came off the press and I said, I'll hand it to the president myself. Thanks. How are you? I think pretty good for a right garden. 30 years in the line. Come on in. Thank you everybody. How are you doing? Good. Nice to see you. I'm good. Good. How are you doing? I'm good. He's out there. He's out there. I asked the woman I did because my hands are cold. I'm going to defend this later. Well listen, it's good of you to come down. I understand one of your children is still alive. Nothing serious. Nothing serious that good people with children in the hospital haven't been able to help. We discovered that she was born with neither leg going up in either socket. Sockets in her hips hadn't been formed but through traction, it's come along very well. So science has taken her to a part where I should be able to see. Thank you for asking. Is this your daughter? Yes. She's a spunky little girl. She's not quite two years old yet but she's making a pretty good recovery. As a matter of fact, I was in Cognito with a couple of phone calls I think emanating from this office yesterday because I was in transit to write her down to see the doctor in the back. So it's good to be with you today. Now you kind of touched your nerves with me also and your own service to Vietnam and all and the field I have just signed letters to the leadership about the hero and changed the policy in which I was going to make the deal. Are you going to see us now? Stand Scott. President, how are you sir? Good seeing you sir. Glad to be here. How are you? Thank you again. It's good to see you again. Nice to see you again. Thank you. Nice to see you again. Mr. President, I'm calling. Mr. President, forward. Mr. President, how are you? I'm ready. We're going to take a group. Great pleasure to be here. Thank you. They go back a long way. Yes, they do. 25 years old. President Kelly. John Hort, Professor of Organs. I make Eddie a dollar and Jay store your food. That's right! I'll drink it. As long as you don't throw me a jar of pants. That's it. Okay, everybody's looking right here. Good. One more. Here we go. Thank you. Thank you very much. Sorry I couldn't have joined that around the table. Session there to hear you tell more stories. Great session. Exchanging stories. One of my favorites has to do with it. It was out here on the south lawn. The agents told me they don't usually talk about it. The press is always covering you. Well, Lyndon started for the wrong helicopter. And the agent stepped in and got in there and said, Mr. President, that's your helicopter over there. And Lyndon stopped and turned. And he says, son, they're all mine. That sounds like a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. And this one was one I thought it was the greatest prescription of all. He said one day after some of the press attention, he said, if I went down and walked across the baton and we were on the surface of the water, the next day the press would report, the president can't swim. We were in here and he had a console of the three television sets and he said to some of us on the staff, while you are all reading the New York Times and the Washington Post, the Americans watching ABC, NBC. Well, listen, you have little mementos here or souvenirs of the of the office. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you very much. Well, again, as I say, thank you for all that you have done and I think great progress has been made. And we need more sort of something like this. Yes. Thank you very much, Mr. President. That was a good spiral of all. That's what we just said, Mr. President. That was an entertaining comment after that he was more nervous about whether he was going to catch it than I was. Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. President. I have an ego, incidentally, down from the camera. Okay, very best to you. Thank you. Mr. President, great group of women. Thank you very much. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Thank you. Hi, Lynn Cox. Thank you very much. Mr. Davis. Did all of our brothers camera us? No, I didn't. Right. Hold the crocs. Hello, there. Who's President of the top of the castles today? Well, I haven't done that. I haven't seen you here. I've seen you here. I've seen you here. Well, nice to see you. Nice to meet you. I'm pleased to meet you. Diana Golden. Hi. Nice to meet you, Mr. President. Nice to meet you. Sam Schreiber. Nice to meet you. Kim Oden. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Jerry Barz. Hello. We have to take the press conference first. Forgive us. You're going to let the camera club in. Thank you. Thank you. That's all right. Thank you. How are you? Thank you. I'm going to make presentations first. Oh, okay. On behalf of the Women's Sports Foundation and the Girls and Women's National Sports Day, this may not be appropriate in the White House, but how about on the ranch? Just fine. Okay. I'm going to sneak around here without putting all of this on. California. One for Mrs. Reagan. Well, thank you very much. Thank you. I'm going to reach across just for a second. This is a memory of the day, National Women's Sports Day, that you've helped us so much by having us here and meeting with us today. And all these athletes over here are ranging age from 14 to 91. And they've competed all over the world for our country. And it's just a pleasure to have their names on this box and share this with you on National Women's Sports Day. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. I'm very pleased and proud to have this. Great. This is the Flow Hyman Memorial Award and Jackie Jiner Curse. You hold the world record. You've broken it. You are going to be the second recipient of this. We know that she was the captain of our Olympic volleyball team and two Olympics and then her tragic death. But I'm very pleased and proud to be able to make this award to you. Tight. Real tight. Tight and short. No, be calm. I wish I were calm. Thank you. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you for the beginning. Thank you. You're not going to be well. Okay, great. Listen, thank you all. So proud of everything all that you have done. And I think you deserve a little say it outside because I don't want to meet the enemies. But this summer when it was about 105 degrees there was a very formal marine affair here in Washington. Seven of them passed out from the heat. None of them were the women. Well, it's wonderful to see you all ahead of you all here. Thank you. Collection of champions. Championships in here. You got a lot to follow. Yes. All right, well done. Thank you. Thank you.


If you watch my last live stream, I shared something very vulnerable and what that, and what vulnerability is to, is when you put yourself out there to quite frankly be judged by another person or by many people. And I put out there the confession that I have wasted women's time in the dating realm. I'll just be candid with you and not just one or two, but many from a variety of different places I wasted time, whether it was engaging in online connections through dating apps that really weren't gonna go anywhere because I was bored or lonely during COVID. To those moments where I thought I was ready for a relationship and espoused how already I was for a relationship only to find to hit the edge or the wall the minute I realized I wasn't capable of going much deeper. And I would end short-lived relationships only to do it over and over and over again.    I haven't at least done that, which I know many of you have experienced a variety of different men, no different than myself. Why am I sharing this with you? Because the reality is as I'm a human being, I am flawed, like most everybody on this planet, we are flawed and we oftentimes operate from a mask of as Chris Rock said, being the ambassador of our best selves. And for many people, they don't look inward to see how they might be operating in the dating, mating and relating realm. And this is one of the reasons why the dating process today is such a train wreck. And sadly, there are many human beings, men and women alike, who are in it because they operate from a place of not genuinely loving themselves, not genuinely loving themselves. In fact, here in the United States, we are victims of, for many people, are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. And until an individual actually can reach a place of genuinely, genuinely operating from a place of self love. And many of you know, I wrote a book about it called What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Health and Spiritual Work. By the way, there's a link to get my book below. Why I'm sharing this with you is, a man or woman cannot deeply love until they're operating from at least a love cup that's being filled with their own love if we operate from a place of dependency energy. And sadly, many women and men operate from a dependency perspective of needing someone else to fill their love cup instead of filling up their love cup on their own. This is why I'm such a big proponent if you follow my channel, is to do the inner work to heal the childhood wounds and traumas as well as the adult traumas that causes to choose people that are incapable of deeper love. And if you hold tight with me for a few seconds, I'm gonna get to those five things a man does or ways to build deep love with a man.  And when I said healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas, I'm recommending this book, The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process, which is a deep dive, a deep dive. The questionnaire in this takes hours just to complete. And yet the reward and benefit for each and every one of you is a sense of inner peace. The reason why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? It's like a vaccination to emotional chaos. That's what individual love can do for each one of you is when you operate from that empowered place of genuinely loving on yourself. And this is why I'm such an advocate for women in particular, because you have a propensity to give your power away to men because you've been indoctrinated in the literally since caveman days of coming at it from a place of dependency. This is why we literally still live in a society where it's a one up, one down, the men are the leaders of the relationship. And I'm telling you, you're giving the job to the wrong person because you want to be in charge of your relationship destiny. If you're a woman, this is why lately I've been advocating all of you to read the book Why Men Love Bitches. By the way, the link below to get this book as well. Why Men Love Bitches?  Yes. Okay. And this is a book of empowerment. So you don't have to rely on a man for your happiness because when you come at it from a cup, a love cup filled within yourself, you can actually then begin to explore deeper love with a man. Now here's the sad part we're dealing with. It's a rather dysfunctional dating realm out there. It just is. In fact, the reality is is most humans have terrible relationship skills. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, this is not a fact, it's opinion. Roughly 20% of the human pop, or at least here in the United States have clinical issues. Have you been watching the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trials? Talk about clinical issues between the two of them. And while I state here that roughly 20% of the population is healthy, I'm being generous here, there. Most everyone is dysfunctional in their relationship skills. And again, watch the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial. Because here's what ladies and gentlemen, we are faced here today, is that there's basically, I say there's three types of men you're dating out there, but these are women as well. And again, this is not a fact, it's an opinion. Roughly 20% of people are gonna be users. They're gonna be users. And while I say 20% are growers and builders, most everybody is a spender, meaning they want companionship, they want connection, they want sex, but they don't have any clear direction. And if you want to be with someone to grow deeper love with, then you have to choose a grower. Now I know many of you are saying, Jonathan, how do I choose a man who wants to grow into relationship and build a relationship? Well, that's my area of expertise. There's a link below to check out a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Because my coaching is all about how to vet for emotional maturity and what questions you should be asking a man based on your personality to actually know if this person you're with is really capable of deeper intimacy. So let's just propose for a moment. You've met a really great guy online. You've been dating for a few months. Things are going well. You see him a couple of times a week. He's attentive, he's attuned to you. You've even had a little friction and you were able to overcome it. Things are progressing quite nicely. And now you ask yourself, you want to go to deeper love with this person. You want to go to something a little bit greater than the surface. And today I'm going to share with you some simple tips for you to develop deeper love with a man. And I'm going to recommend a book also that you need to purchase if you want to be with a man to make love all the time. And I don't mean in the bedroom. I mean outside of the bedroom. So I'm going to put on my trusty glasses. Here's my notes. Bum, bum, bum. So number one is to learn each other's love language. To learn each other's love language. If you're not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I highly recommend checking out the book, again the link below.  We, Leos love to be adored. Okay, number two, quality time. Number three, physical touch. Number four, access service. And number five gifts, five love languages. When you actually, by the way, ladies, I recommend before the penis ever goes inside the vagina besides purchasing the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman and reading it together so you can determine if you're really compatible with one another. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading the book Five Love Languages or at least go online, type in five love languages and take the test online to see which love language you each have. By the way, this is simple. And I'm gonna share something in a moment that's so critically important before you have sex with a man as you're in the process of dating to do things differently. I'm here to encourage a different way to date, mate, and relate, and not based on the egoic way of dating, mating, and relating. The egoic way is basically emphasizes chemistry, romance, and expectation, chemistry. But you're total strangers with one another to expect romance with a total stranger before there's a true friendship to develop. You're setting yourself up for disaster most of the time. And yes, the clock, the blurokin' clock is right twice a day, okay? But most of the time, it's not if you're not on the same page. So again, take the love language test would be number one.  I gotta tell you, I work with women every day in my coaching practice and the one thing missing in almost every one of these relationships is a genuine sense of laughter playing their little kid together. I gotta tell you, sense of humor or laughter is a critical component to building deeper intimacy, deeper love with a person.   Let me, okay, let me rewind that. The best relationships are the ones where you're genuine friends with each other. Think of your relationships with your friends. Think of the times you go out. You remember all the good times because there's laughter and play oftentimes as well as support, love, compassion, caring and empathy. I'm not discounting any of those. But I'm here to say, if you wanna go deeper in love with a person, laughter and play has to be on the top of the list. Number three, I want you to begin something called the love letter process, the love letter process. And this is a process where you actually write love letters to each other and you share it in a surprising way. Sometimes it could be in their coat pocket. Sometimes it could be left in their purse. Do write a short, simple one or two paragraph love letter for your partner expressing how much you care for each other and invite your partner to do it with you. Folks, I know you love the idea of many of the leaders of relationship and all you have to do is sit back in your feminine energy and let them claim you.  I'm gonna invite you to lean into your empowered energy, your sovereign energy and begin directing this relationship not based on the man's terms, based on your terms. Now, I'm not suggesting coming out controlling. I'm not suggesting coming out needy. I'm merely suggesting telling the man the things you'd like to do. By the way, if he wants your vagina, he will most likely do it. This is why we gotta wait a little bit longer to have sex than the normal three date rule that's happening these days. And we're gonna talk about that in a second. Number four, plan a night out in a hotel. By the way, in your own town so you can have wild sex together. I was just speaking to a friend of mine who's been married or he's in a relationship for nine years and he was telling me just the other day how they went to a hotel room, literally around the corner where they live, just so they can have to do something different. Mixing it up. Now, I know a lot of you were saying, but Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship. Folks, long distance relationship, if you don't have a real game plan on how to build deeper intimacy in the relationship, you're fucked.  And just remember, these days when you're doing long distance, you're meeting total strangers. And if you don't know how to vet for a total stranger, you are setting yourself up disaster. Because if you really wanna go to a deeper level of intimacy, and I highly recommend checking out the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, if you're not ready to go that deeper level of intimacy with a long distance, you are guaranteed literally setting yourself up for heartache later on down the road if there isn't a real game plan to build this relationship together. And I can tell you, most men, they're more focused on getting in your pants than they are trying to figure out how to make it work. In fact, I have a dear friend of mine. She literally connected with a long distance relationship. And on the first date, she asked him, how would you think this is going to work out? And he goes, that's a really good question. He didn't really think it through. And then the next day he was lobbying for her to show up at his hotel, which he refused. And then he promised to go hiking the next day and he bailed. And then later he said how that question caused him to rethink his dating patterns. But I can guarantee you this guy is still online dating doing long distance, thinking this is an easy way to get laid. And let me tell you something, long distance dating is the new form of hookup because it gives you an easy exit strategy, okay?  And number five, to build deeper love with your partner. And there's hundreds of ways of doing this. In fact, if you're not familiar with the book by Barbara DeAngeles, How to Make Love All the Time, Make Love Last, I highly recommend checking out this book, highly recommend checking out this book because this will give you a game plan of how to build deeper love with each other right from the very first date. And my fifth suggestion is what I call the weekly and or monthly check-ins, the weekly and or monthly check-ins. Now, you don't have to do this. Weekly, it depends on how often you see each other, but the idea is to check in with each other and do a temperature gauge of how the relationship is going. It's a mutual agreement. And it's, by the way, I've known men, I have men who have suggested this. So this isn't singular. You don't always have to do all the work. There are a lot of men that want to grow in relationship. Now, when I say a lot, it's roughly about 20%. And you have those spenders I shared before that are leaning towards the 20%.  Those men are, some of them are absolutely capable of leaning into the check-in. And the check-in is a way to build deeper intimacy with each other little by little. You're like roots growing in the earth that build deeper love when you check in with each other from the heart and express how is this relationship going for you? Now, I know many of you have terrible communication skills. This is why I highly recommend reading the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Ladies, I know you think you're great communicators and just because you have a propensity to vomit your feelings with your girlfriends, which means vent and complain, doesn't necessarily mean you're good at communicating with men. I can tell you the majority of women I speak to in my coaching practice, as well as my own dating experiences, most women are terrible communicators of their feelings. This is why I highly recommend these two other books out. Well, I highly recommend reading this book. I hear you, the surprising simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. This is like a roadmap to teaching you how to communicate better. And I know you ladies all think you're good communicators, but you're not.  This is your only chance. So I've directed you to a lot of places. I have recommended a lot of books. I've also said to you that I can help you in ways that you probably have never been taught before. The one compliment I get from client after client after client is Jonathan. You made me think, Jonathan, I didn't realize I didn't know this, Jonathan, why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? If you genuinely wanna change your life and you need some help and support, again, check out the link below, the schedule discovery call with me. Now, before I move on to the Q and A portion, I shared something in my last livestream that is hugely important that I think we need to address regularly for a period of time. And that is the dysfunctional dating realm we're in today, particularly in the area of sex and commitment. And the reality is, is it wasn't up until about 50 years ago, if a man wanted to get laid, he had to make the ultimate commitment. He had to marry you. There was a significant commitment made before there was actually sex. So these days, by the way, since birth control, that changed everything.  Casual sex is the norm. And the problem with casual sex is that once two people have sex, there's no agreement to monogamy. There's no agreement to exclusivity these days. And it sets one up for failure because here's the problem, ladies, in particular. It's easy to get bond to another person once you've had sex and without some level of commitment, it could cause irrevocable emotional damage if you've had one relationship after another, after another, after another.  And here is the vow right here.  And I've said, have you heard the term women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? And these days a man can get the milk for free without ever even, he doesn't even have to lease the cow. He doesn't have to buy the cow. He doesn't even have to visit. He doesn't have to spend anything but get the milk for free. And if you wanna change that, then I invite you to say the new, what I'm proposing, and I want you to share this with your friends, is the dating vow. And that is, before sex, you say to each other the following. I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months. You say it to each other. Number two, I agree to be monogamous sexually while we are having regular sex together. Number three, I agree not to actively seek to meet or date others while we're on this dating process, which includes taking my profile down. Number four, I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling away, pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. And number five, I agree to invest regular time in this process of getting to know you, which looks something like this. We're gonna spend, I'd like to spend two to three days a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and professional life, physical as well as emotional intimacy with each other. And again, with the agreement that this is something serious within the next three to six months. Are you with me? This is the vow you make to each other. You look in each other's eyes and you say it. And ladies, if every woman right now began doing the dating vow, you would eliminate 95% of the users and the spenders because they will bolt. And again, remember that three types of men actively dating the users, the spenders. That's 80% of the men. You're gonna get rid of 90% of that 80% just like that. Put your chastity belt on and stand up in your empowerment and take time to genuinely get to know each other. I've said this before, I said again, takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to get to the first layer of trust, just to get to the first layer of trust in relationship. And relationship is like a hundred step ladder of trust.  Because this is all, sex should be about trust and safety. And what is trust? Trust is, can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as that person cares about their own feelings until you actually feel a level of trust.  I'm talking about they actually show up with their actions matching their words. They show up being attuned to your emotions. They actually can resolve conflicts with you with ease. They're truthful, they're integrity and they're consistent and reliable. Their actions match their words. Ladies, are you willing to do the vow going forward? The vow, are you willing to do it? If you say, yes, Jonathan, I would like to do the dating vow going forward. All right, I think that covers the five ways to build deep love with a man. Now it's time for the Q and A portion of our live stream. For those who are watching live right now, there's a chat box there. In the chat box, you can write the words question and then post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the funds from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, that's him there, that's him there. That's us at Benihana's. Used to go there almost once a week. He's my son who passed away a few years ago. His birthday's coming up soon. He would have been 23 this year. God, I can't believe it. Anyway, in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those seeking help as well as donating to charities like the Hoffman Process and Insight seminars just to name a few. So again, purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat with the dollar sign. Or if you're watching the replay, you can hit the super thanks button on the right above the description of that to support the fund as well. I'd be really honored. And again, write the word question, then post the question there after. All right, we're gonna take questions now. I'm dying to see what we have here. Really quickly, just a reminder. Sometimes you forget you're awesome. So this is your reminder. That's my coffee mug today. Let's see what we have in the chat box. And Marie says, yes, absolutely. The dating vow, the users will run straight away if you run through those vows. By the way, the growers and the builders will stick it out. Renee says, I love the dating vows. It's pretty close to what I cover when entering into the dating relationship. There you go. Lisa Hutchinson says, I love the vows. Jennifer says, I love the hotel idea and the love letter one too. Holly J says, amen. Thank you so much. So who has a question for me? Post the word question and then write the word question and post the question there after again or you purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. And I wanna thank Holly for the $5 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, looks like we have a bashful group. Oh, by the way, really quickly, when I said that Leo's like words of adoration, that means we do like to be adored. But again, I'm talking about, but the actual love language book talks affirmation, basically affirming the relationship. All right. Oh, looks like Jodi P just purchased a Super Sticker for $5. Thank you so much. All right, we have some questions coming in. Ruth just, oops, hold on. How do you, how do the dating vows work in an existing relationship? That's a great question.  So I'd rather you purchase the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman and have the conversations listed in this book, have the conversations listed in this book to determine if you're right fit and take the vagina out of the, right now, ladies, you gotta take the sex out of the equation if you want to build deeper intimacy with a guy. I know that goes against all of my contemporaries basically all the men will tell you, male coaches will never tell you to do this, but let me tell you something. If he wants your time, energy and experience, then he's gonna have to invest in this. And if he has an issue with it, let me just tell you something. Any man that has an issue with wanting to build something with you is not your guy. He's not your guy. Men who are spenders and users do not want to do the work. Remember I talked about the users and the spenders? Those men don't want to do any work. They just want the milk for the least amount of effort.  Now, here's the challenge. You might not be a good candidate to be in relationship. Maybe the relationship you have is the best you're gonna get. I'm sorry, I'm gonna be blunt. Sometimes that's the case. So you have to decide what's really important to you. What do you really want? Do you want something? If your relationship is mediocre, then dump that relationship. If it actually has some legs, then have good solid communication with one another. Because here's the thing, you're not getting any younger. Like the line in the movie Shawshank Redemption, get busy living or get busy dying. But sometimes we do have to adjust because maybe the relationship we have is good and our expectations are too grand. A lot of you ladies do that as well. So you have to assess, is this relationship, is it good? Let me ask you something. The most important question you have to ask, do you trust this person? Do you feel like he trusts you? And can you laugh together?  Because if you're laughing together and you trust each other, you've got a pretty good solid relationship.  Listen, the way I'm saying my rhetoric, it's just because I see women get used over and over and over again. Not used, that's not fair because that's victim consciousness. I watch women abandon their boundaries over and over and over again. Oftentimes blaming the man.   I want you to stand up for yourself. All right, thanks so much for that question. I really appreciate it. I want to thank Elizabeth for the $2 super sticker. Thank you so much. Roseanne Connor's birthday is gonna be a month from a couple of days ago, so thank you. My sweetheart Heather says, "'Growing up, I did not want to have sex until marriage. I ended up being the oldest virgin among my friend. I felt extremely confident and powerful, though I did like to get back and I did at and I'd like to get back to that mindset." Amen. All right, let's see what we have here for questions. Amy says, question. Other than online dating, how do you meet someone as a busy professional other than networking groups? Online dating has ruined post-divorce individuals in my humble opinion. I agree. So instead of where am I gonna meet them, I want to invite you all. This is something I do in my private coaching. I want you to all to, instead of thinking about it needle in a haystack, we actually learn how to become the pin cushion. How do we do that? We declare in a love mantra, dear God, universe spirit. I invite you to introduce me to my great match, my Mr. Right, that relationship where we have great chemistry together and we feel a sense of connection with one another and we have amazing communication with one another and the banter can go on for hours and hours at a time. We have the capacity to resolve conflicts and differences with ease. We're also compatible with each other because we can blend lives together because our lives are aligned together in a way that can actually blend together and our mutual character in our values are aligned with one another. And lastly, we are committed to establishing the deep roots of trust that can actually sustain a healthy, happy relationship. Ladies, the love mantra I teach in my private coaching goes much deeper than that. It's actually an amplification to the universe to actually make that man find you. So you don't actually have to do much other than trust that the universe, when you're in a state of true alignment to who you are and what you want, again, that's what I teach in my private coaching. When you're in true alignment to who you are and what you want, you actually become a magnetic attractor for what you want. So I recommend check out the link below, schedule a call with me, Amy. All right, hope that helps. Thank you so much. All right, Becca writes, question, if you wanna get remarried but you're the one, wait. If you want to get remarried, but the one you've been in relationship with does not, should you stay or find someone that does wanna get remarried? Well, it depends on your relationship.  Listen, first off, ask yourself, why do you wanna get remarried? Find out why he doesn't wanna get remarried and have a conversation about that. If the two of you are in two different places then you may wanna consider moving on. That's certainly a possibility. Or you can find your common ground together because maybe through communication you can find out where you actually stand from a heart-centered place instead of guessing. Ladies, chapter one in my book, speak your truth, do it with kindness. Chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Ladies, I witness you over and over and over again, afraid to speak up to men because you're afraid they're gonna break up with you. You know, it's interesting. I shared this in a previous livestream. I've recently met a woman who's a friend of mine now. We talk regularly. I mean, we talk habitually with one another two, three times a day. We're like boyfriend and girlfriend, but we're not. She lives in another state. But the other day she had friction with me. And it was, I said something that was a little bit dickish, little bit. I mean, not much, but just a tiny bit dickish. And she immediately called me out on it in the second. And she did it and she said, Jonathan, I just felt really uncomfortable with what you shared. And I just want you to know that I didn't appreciate it. And I got defensive because I was just joking with her. And I sat with it for a few minutes and we ended the phone call. And then five minutes later, I reached out saying, you're absolutely right.  And it was just because my joke was trumping her joke and we just got mixed up in it. What I appreciate most is she spoke her truth in a kind, loving way. Ladies, begin to become empowered in your loving, kind way. Because ultimately, if you want to build deeper roots of intimacy, it's going to require speaking up. Many of you operate, hold on a second. We're going to do it again. Many of you operate like this. I'm sorry. Oh, this is going to be hard for me to do today. But you operate with duct tape around your mouth. I guess it's, oh wait, hold on. Let's see if I can get this going.  And this is the way you communicate. You're not communicating.  Folks, only the wrong person will leave you if you're speaking sincere and from the heart. Take off the duct tape and start deep. You all say you want communication. You all say communication is the key in relationship. And yet you don't communicate with men. You hold back.  This is why I recommend these books over and over and over again in every video. And by the way, men are not picnics here either. I sometimes say you're not the picnics.  So if you start operating by speaking up in a more concise way, you'll actually build deeper intimacy with each other. And I only yell because I'm like, feel like I'm speaking to children.  We are not. As I shared in the beginning of this broadcast, I can be a jackass and many of you revere me as being someone overly special. I'm not.  I happen to be a junkie for love at the same time. Sorry, I just went down a rabbit hole in my head thinking about Connor. I think part of what opened my heart up was when you lose a child, you lose such a part of yourself, that part of you that is supposed to be their protector, that part of you that wants to watch them grow up and make something special of themselves to get married and have children together, children, excuse me. And so when I lost Connor, I lost a piece of myself and it was in the writing of the book because I know he would not want me to suffer one day. I know he would not want me to suffer one day whatsoever. I know he wants me to thrive. And so in many ways, when I speak to you and when I'm yelling in my Sam Kinnison voice, by the way, if you don't know the comedian, Sam Kinnison, check him out, Big Time Yeller.  Stand on your mountain so everybody can hear you from Los Angeles all the way to New York. And that message is simple. True love, unconditional love, starts with loving oneself first, just like when we put the oxygen mask first on an airplane. It's not about giving our love away to anyone else, it's about reflecting it back on ourselves when we're hurting. And so I made a choice. I could grieve with suffering or I could grieve with love. And my invitation to myself was to grieve through love, starting with loving on myself and then projecting that love out as much as I can to everyone else.  And at the same time, I choose to forgive myself because forgiveness is simply meaning forgiving love, forgiving oneself love, like giving yourself an injection of love, that's what forgiveness is. In fact, I continually recite the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. And if you don't know it, it's simple. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. Like giving myself a shot of B12 or L12, that's what the forgiveness prayer does. It's just giving myself love and I invite you all to step into loving yourself. I don't know how I got into that tangent. Thank you, Connor. Thank you for being a light in my life. I miss you so much. Hey, I wanna thank Alexandra for the $10 Super Sticker, I really appreciate it. V. Palmer, thank you for the $1.99, I really appreciate that. Forgiving love, wait a minute, go, exactly. Erica says sending positive vibes. Marianne says, our long distance relationship really impossible to navigate. They're not impossible, just highly unlikely. They're not impossible, highly unlikely. Regina says, sorry again for the loss of Connor, thank you so much. Lots of amens, thank you, I appreciate that. Michelle writes, not sure how to communicate with him after he's told me he's afraid of commitment and he's pulled away. I don't know how to engage his heart again. What question to ask him? What question do you ask yourself? Why do you want a man who cannot commit? Why do you want a man who pulls away? What about this relationship dynamic that excites you and makes you want to stay in? Those are the questions I would ask yourself. Ladies, when I say you women give your power away to men, it's because it's all about what the man is not doing instead of looking in the mirror and saying, why am I choosing this experience? I suspect that the relationship didn't build deep love for one another. You're in a spender relationship of connection, companionship and coupling. And if you want something deeper, then it's gonna require that from the very get-go. So what question do you ask him? Simple, text message or call him, say, do you wanna be in a relationship with me or not? Yes or no? If the answer is no, the next four words out of your mouth, the four letter word is next, N, E, X, T, exclamation points. Get busy living or get busy dying. Don't be with someone who doesn't wanna be with you. Start choosing better. This is why I started my coaching practice, is because you ladies make terrible choices and then you're trying to fix a broken, like a money pit, you're doubling down. Start choosing better from the very, very beginning. This is why I have a successful practice, by the way. I've been getting called, last week I got a call from two clients telling me how they're in great relationships right now. Change your love life by making different choices in your life instead of trying to fix the broken ones. Although some of you, maybe that's the best all you can do. Hey, I'm just calling it the way I see it. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just calling it the way I see it. Michelle, sending you a big, gigantic Jonathan Barahog of love. Amy says we all carry luggage, exactly. All right, let's see what we got. Oh, let's go swimming. Holly says I love the magnetic attractor, exactly. All right, Alexandra, question. I think midlife love mastery as discovering the past to loving myself, not finding a man and mate. Was this intentional or am I reading too deeply? Folks, actually tonight I'm doing a call to my group in midlife love mastery. By the way, there's a link below to join my VIP group. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you ask in the group, I shoot personalized videos just for you. The group is an empowerment group on loving oneself, not finding a man or mate. Was this intentional? So if you operate, where's my notes? First off, I have to find something. Bip, bop, bop, bop, bop. So most humans operate from a dependency-based way of relationship, needing I need you to love me to feel good about myself. So midlife love mastery was designed to help you determine how you genuinely learn how to love yourself and then become that magnetic attractor for attracting. Was it intentional? Yes, because it's not about finding the man, it's about finding the love within yourself and then the man will find you. He's gonna be going, where's Alexandra? Where is Alexandra? I wanna find Alexandra. Where is she? I can feel her energy. I've gotta find Alexandra. Yes, it was intentional. Thanks for asking. Ismase, it's me says Jonathan, I'm sorry about your son and thanks for what you do and how long you do and how long do you need to know the person for dating vows online or real life? Hey, it's real simple.  I don't care if you've been dating for six years or dating for one week.  Leah says, men seem lazy on these dating profiles, seem like if they don't live around the block they don't wanna meet. What's that about?  Listen, who wants to schlep to be in a relationship?  Can we just be real and say it's not fun schlepping? Listen, I live in Los Angeles. We have something called the 405 freeway. It's not fun spending an hour and a half to go see your girlfriend during the week after you wanna get your gym time in. You wanna get your time with your friends and everything. If someone lives around the corner, it's much easier. By the way, folks, up until a couple years ago, dating apps didn't exist.  We've only made it in our proximity. It's only because of these devices. And then we believe and only because so few people are actually on the devices that we were operating from a place of scarcity and fear. I live in a condo complex that has 600 units. The love of my life could be right there, right there. And I don't know it. So go out in your community and start meeting people because the online, listen, online dating is like clusterfuck. I no doubt about it. So stop, I've turned off my notifications. I'm barely on the dating apps. I still have them because I believe in sending out a magnetic energy force. Oh, and I just got a new picture that I'm posting on my, hold on a second. Here's my new picture. I was at an event, I was at a matchmaking event and that's my new picture. What do you guys think? Is this a good one? But I don't need to post it on my dating app because I believe my soulmate, my true love is going to feel my energy. And we will find a way to connect with each other. But then again, I'm kind of a romantic that way.  And the only reason why I'd ever consider a distance relationship is if we actually had intentionality right from the very beginning, we go, how are we gonna make this work? That's how I'll approach one of those. That's my two cents and I'm sticking to it. DJ says, or DJ J says, great pic. Regina says, great pic. Thank you so much. Thank you Renee, I appreciate it. You know, folks, I've got to get prepared for my monthly call to my group called Midlife Love Mastery. There's a link below to if you want to join the group. This is a group like I said, where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. And again, we have a Facebook group and a monthly call where you can join in. Listen, folks, I wanna thank you so much for allowing me to spout and to rant and to share about my son. I really appreciate it. Thank you for all the love and support. I cannot do this without you. There's a super thanks button right now on my channel. So, or you can purchase super sticker super chat when you're on the live stream. And certainly I would recommend checking out a discovery call with me. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this broadcast today.  I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna say thanks to Holly. Yes, join the group Renee, Ruth, Trudy, DJ, Renee, Erica, Regina Day, old dirty Dasher, Allison, everyone that joined in tonight, Trudy, Kathleen, I have Sherry, Amy, thank you all so much for being on. I wanna wish you a super duper, wonderful, fantastic evening. Take care everyone, bye now. Bye.


It is a story, it takes place when I'm actually doing my Tasmian, my recitation rather, to get ready for my Ijazah exam, and in this case it was for the Qira'at of Waddish. In Damascus the way the setup was for receiving your Ijazah and Qura'an, is you have to recite to your teacher, then your teacher takes you to their teacher, that teacher takes you to their teacher, until you reach the final, basically the top of Muqri'in of Damascus, which were five, and you have to recite to one of the five, in order to actually receive your Ijazah, that had the official khatim from Wazzarat al-Awqaf of Damascus. It's a very rigorous process, and so here I am reciting to my teacher's teacher, and I'm getting ready, just about ready to go to the sheikh and recite. So I've prepared for some time, and I'm sitting there reciting to her, and her heba, her presence, her the vibes, Masha'Allah, this amazing person, despite all of my studies, all I could get myself to read was, and so she said, Rania, Rania, Rania, you know, take a break, said okay, I was so embarrassed, Masha'Allah, she said take a break, and then she decided to like, call me this beautiful story, Masha'Allah, she decided to calm me down by telling me a story, and she said, do you know my story?  I am also a professor of mathematics at the University of Damascus, and I have been, and since the 70s, the only female faculty member, and she said, did you know, I wasn't always a sheikh, I wasn't always a Muqri'a Jamia, she had all 10 recitations completed in Ijazah and all of them, and she said, I wasn't always this person, in fact, I came to Islam late, I thought I came to Islam late, Masha'Allah, and then she said, when the wave of feminism hit Damascus, so many of us were taken by it, we all took off our hijabs, and we all, you know, and she said, I just was raised in a family that wasn't at all religious, so it's not like she took off her hijab, she just was raised in a family that wasn't religious, and I thought to myself, I can do what any man does, and I'm going to study the most complicated thing, and so she chose mathematics, she said one day, the girls of the college came up to me and said, we want to have, there's very few women on campus, we want to have a woman's gathering, a woman's talk about, you know, being a woman on campus, so she said, yes, anything for women, so she met with them, she's not very busy as a professor, but she went ahead and met with them, and so she's sitting in the circle of women, so here we are at first, the discussion is just going on about academics and being a woman, and how difficult it is, and so on in education, this is, this discussion is back in the 70s, and she said, I don't know when the conversation switched from the discussion of academics to the discussion of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, I don't even, because if someone had told me they were going to discuss the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, I would never have showed up, I was so closed off to this idea, but as they were talking, she said suddenly something hit my heart, and it just opened, this heart that had been so close to anything related to religion, to Islam, to the Prophet anything, was so closed off, and when Hidayah is meant to come, the moment and how, and on the tongue of whom it comes with, Allahu ta'ala, and it just opened, and she said, there I was, suddenly I was hit with this wave of love for the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and I found myself listening intently, and then I realized, wait a second, this group is almost all hijabies, and she said, and do you know what I was wearing that day, and this is where the real crux of the story is, I said, yeah, and you could you possibly be wearing, she said, mini skirt, and I said, what? So in English, she repeats again, mini skirt, clearly it showed on my face, I was just, and she said, you know, Yarania, if the woman had judged me for how I looked, I never would have entered into that room, if they judged me for who, just what my outside was, I never would have been invited in to study the Dean, if they had judged me and said, ah, she's one of those women, she's one of those feminist, I don't know what woman, right, I would never have begun this journey, and there I was, fully welcomed by this group, and one thing led to another, one Halqah led to another, one teacher led to another, and that brilliance that she took to get a doctorate in mathematics, at a time when all other women had a doctorate in mathematics, imagine putting that brilliance into the memorization of Quran, she became so learned in Quran, and so accurate in all of her pronunciation, that the sheikh, the head sheikh that we receive Ijazah from, Rahimahullah, Rahimahullah, both of them, that when he would travel to go on Hajj, even though he had hundreds of students, hundreds of male students underneath him, he would choose her in his post to fill in for him, to give Ijazah on his behalf, when he would travel, that's how qualified she was, and she said, had they judged me, had they looked at me and said, oh, you can't enter the mentioned like that, sister, here's a blanket, I'm being very serious, I tell the story to you because it really resonates with me, and it resonates the kind of woman that I studied with, and it resonates that anybody, this dean is for everybody, this dean is accessible to men and to women, this dean is accessible to your daughters, this dean I'm talking to the woman and to the men, it is accessible to your sons, it is accessible to kids like me who grew up in America.


Hello, this is Hans van der Kwas, senior lecturer at IHE Delft Institute for Water Education. In this video, I'm going to show you how to automate the stream and catchment delineation procedure using the graphical modeler in QGIS. So we need to prepare some data before we get started. I need the DEM tiles and a bounding box for the study area. Here I have four DEM tiles from SRTM. And in the processing toolbox, I go to create model and then I end up in this window with the processing modeler. And I give the tool a name and a group to which this tool will be added in the processing toolbox after we have saved it at the end. Then I'm going to define the inputs. And you can of course identify each raster layers separately, but I use here the multiple input and I give the name the DEM tiles and make it the raster type so you can only open there a set of raster layers, which are your DEM tiles. Then we also need a vector layer, which is the bounding box defining your study area and choose for a geometry type polygon and then we click OK. Then we can add the algorithms and first we're going to mosaic. So I built a virtual raster and these are the same tools as you find in the processing toolbox, but you can give them different names. I call it mosaic DEM tiles. We use the DEM tiles that were defined as a variable. Then we put the same things there as we would normally do, so we don't want the layers to appear in separate bands. Then the next algorithm is warp to change the projection. So we project and we can clip also at the same time with this tool. So we project and clip the DEM. As an input layer we use the output from mosaic DEM tiles. I define here the output projection, but I can also use that from the bounding box because that's the projection we're going to use. I set a no data value and the output spatial resolution I set it to 30 meters, which is approximate for the SRTM one arc second product. I switch on the advanced parameters and there I use the extent of the bounding box as the geo-referenced units of the extent of the output. The next thing we can do is to fill the no data, so fill the voids. They might be in your DEM, maybe they are there, maybe not, but anyways we cannot differentiate there, so we'll do that anyway, that step. I increase the distance and that's okay. You see it nicely adds these functions and connects them to each other and to the input data. Then we have to fill the sinks and I'm going to use the Wang and Liu algorithm. Make sure we use the output from the voids and we can output here the filled DEM, not the other ones. If we define an output that means that it will be saved on your disk and identified as an output file and it will be a green box in this scheme. I make that an output because we need it later. Then I want to add another input variable which is the strahler order threshold which you can determine before or you can calibrate it. Strahler orders always have a minimum value of 1 and I put a maximum of 20 and a default of 8. Then I can add the channels and drainage network algorithm, use the output, the filled DEM and then refer to the strahler order threshold input variable and it will output all these layers but what I need as a real saved output are the streams. So this algorithm will output the filled DEM and the streams. Then I would like to define a vector layer with the outlet as an input and normally you can identify the point on the map but it needs to be snapped to the delineated channel, so the streams file here. I'm going to use the snap geometries to layer and rename it snapportpoint, that's how it's called in some other software. And as an input layer I use the outlet on map input and the reference layer the channels. So it will snap to the channels and we can put there a tolerance but it's also nice to make it variable and I need that as an output, it's a snapped outlet. You can move these boxes and they still remain connected, actually I don't want that as an output. So I want to identify the tolerance and make that variable and here you can define it in a meter, so between 1 pixel of 30 meters and 5000 meters will be okay and then I can add it this function and make it refer to the right input which is the tolerance. And another thing I want is the geometry, the x and y coordinates, so I need to add another algorithm and that is add geometry attributes. I do that because in the next step we need the coordinates of the x and the y of the point to delineate and the catchment belonging to that snapped outlet point. So I call this one save outlet with coordinates, the input layer is the snapped geometry and then we can define here the output layer, call it snapped outlet, there it is. So three outputs for this algorithm, filled DEM, streams and the snapped outlet, save it, give it a name, goes to my profile by default. So I'm going to hide all layers because I want to identify now the outlet on the open street map. So as an input we need to define the outlet before we run the algorithm, so I want to delineate the roar catchment, the same one as in the manual procedure, so I create a scratch layer with the point geometry in the correct projection, that's important. Click okay and I add the point at the place where the roar comes into the Mose River. Save it and then I find the model under models hydrology stream delineation, I choose the bounding box, I choose the DEM tiles, the outlet, Stryler order, I increase the tolerance here because that's needed and I leave the others open to have temporary output and then it runs our model. Gave an error but it's still computed, so I zoomed to the area and because we didn't specify output names it will just give some default names but segments are our channels and I can style it, there it is and the filled DEM. Now I want to make a second model to delineate the catchment because this one delineated the streams but I need that as an input to delineate the catchment. Let's have a look at the snapped outlet, how that worked, so it moved the outlet to the line. So I'm going to create a new model, I call it catchment delineation and I put it also under hydrology and there I need a few inputs, I need the raster layer, it's the filled DEM of course as an input, I need a number which is the X coordinate, I don't put restrictions there because I want it to be a generic tool for any projection that you want to use at any location, a field for the Y coordinate and we use the upslope area tool to calculate the catchment so I'm going to rename this to delineate catchment, we take the X coordinate and the Y coordinate from the variables that we define, elevation the filled DEM and we use here the default methods and that then generates the delineated catchment. However, we don't want the raster, we also want the polygons so I'm going to use the polygonize and rename it polygonize catchment, make sure to choose the upslope area output, keep the defaults but remember that we have two attributes in our attribute table of the polygonized catchment where only value 100 is the catchment so I'm going to use here extract by attribute and I call it save catchment polygon only and I type here the field name and it's their operators equal and then 100 so I only select value 100 from the DEM field which is the field which we created previously and then the output is the catchment boundary so that will be then the result, I save the model and I can now run the model, so run catchment delineation, I use the filled DEM, now I can use the coordinates from the attribute table of the snapped outlet, simply paste them here and I leave that at default, run the algorithm and there it ends up with the catchment, if I click zoom to layer you can now see that it delineated the whole ruer catchment as a polygon and that's what we wanted so with two added tools we can do the whole procedure of catchment delineation and you can continue styling that if you want to make a nice map. I hope you've enjoyed this video, please subscribe to my YouTube channel for updates. For more free materials on GIS please have a look at IHGDelft OpenCourseWare at GISOpenCourseWare.org


because it's really difficult to heal when you're in a victim place, where you are either looking for somebody else to blame or control or whatever. And some people in earnest, they're confused, they really don't know where to go. And then so I'm sensing, where is that question coming from? Is this really the time for a person to start to awaken within them? And sometimes I might ask them back, well, you've been living in yourself longer. What do you think is going on? And then it will begin a whole conversation. And I'm not passing the buck. I'm listening for more information. And it's also purposeful to help confirm whether or not they got on it, at least from my perspective.


At age 24, First Lieutenant Malam left his home in search of a better life. He is part of the 101st Airborne Task Force, TACOA. Being an African, I always dream to serve in Africa because I know the U.S. Army has bases in Africa. Their mission is to help strengthen Cameroon's military to help defeat Boko Haram. Boko Haram has murdered, kidnapped and displaced thousands of people in the North region of the country. When I received an email from Branch that said that they were looking for somebody, an infantry officer that speaks French, an African background that knows the culture, that can go to Africa and help out, for me it was a prayer answer. I was so happy. Is he taking anything now? He helps soldiers as a translator at community engagements and gives them a better understanding of the local culture.