But now let's jump into a little Q&A and I'll answer all your burning questions. It's the best my abilities right now So a little Q&A Oh, man, it's a lot so Tom Tom Voyager so voyager. There's a bidding process going on right now in New York. I think it's behind closed doors I don't know if we're gonna know exactly who is the winner of the bidding process But I know that finances in the in the play FTX and a couple big big names, so we'll see who it is I don't think we know exactly what's gonna be until the end of this month But just know that voyagers up for grabs and we'll see exactly who does maybe FTX comes up with a better better offer Who knows? Crypto golfer bad timing for the e-merge all the mac resh is going on and I gotta tell you it's true I'm sure like I mean with the e-merge everything else the CPI numbers. I think this will calm down at some point but again Watch Michael Cohen and Ben Cohen. They got some pretty good insights into those and see where we go But again in the long run and the long run man, I gotta tell you between us just between me and you I Really would like them to go a full 100 basis points in September that'd be great or 22nd I believe so if that happens, I don't know his name is there if that happens It's gonna tank the market and it's a great buying opportunity But then remember for every buying opportunity there at some point is a selling opportunity, so don't forget that so yeah, we'll see golfer How's the absolute course coming along? It's going along. Well, it's why my face is all red because I'm not there Working construction so we do this charity event twice a year it's to help underprivileged kids here in El Paso and I just donate my time and Resources and also do all the marketing for it and run it pretty much do a bunch of it, but Yeah, that's gonna take place October 1st It's gone. I'm just swimming. We will so far. Hello Dez. Oh, look at this. Sharky is back Thank You Rob making me money by taking talking about what sweat coin I'm so grabby great and glad I worked out for you and like I said to everybody I'm like it's a to me I thought it was a no-brainer because I mean you just you just accumulated sweat coin and some point you could sell it the bigger question was, you know, how do they how do they not fall victim to Victim of their own success and they dole out too much and it's a good question as far as like the economy of sweat coin and We talked about in the deep dive, but just real quick YouTube you watch ads Advertisers pay YouTube they pay me YouTube gets paid You know, they made twenty eight point eight billion dollars last year and ad revenue I did not know that so that's why they're able to do those things and If you got an app like sweat coin with 110 million users That's where a lot of eyeballs are and usually advertisers will go there So the ads gonna have are that the app is gonna have ads Probably your crypto wallet. I don't know if that'll have ads But then you'll also got to remember that's on top of that. They're gonna offer dynamic NFTs I'm think it's a big deal But exchange right on the right of the app or you can do an on and off ramp and also trade cryptos That'll be coming later. I think it's a step in the right direction and that's I think is another revenue generation. So yeah See David says hello Vanessa Digital cable How low do you think we're going today? It looks like we're gonna dip under 20k very soon Yeah, maybe there's always a bio. I think it was a pretty big by wall around 19 6 I can't remember but I'm like, I don't see it going to 15 anytime soon may go there at some point But who knows I don't know. I'm no crystal ball. I just hope it does go there. That'd be awesome Because again two three year time horizon for me. Yeah, okay Money in life with Fred G. What's your Bitcoin protection next week at the Fed reserve add 75 or more basis points Is Bitcoin go up or more pain? I Think it's that and then there's also The macro story What's going on with energy? What's gonna happen with the housing market? What's gonna happen with the war on Ukraine? There's a these are big questions to be answered. What's gonna happen with the pipeline service into Germany and You know, what's Russia gonna do? I think there's so many things at play. It's hard to really to Guestimate your best one. I always hope for the best, but I prepare for the worst meaning that I still dollar cost average I dollar cost average a couple days ago when we had that spike I buy a little high and I dollar cost average on days like today when it's low mostly because it's automatic I don't even think about it. Thank you coin base and I buy some Bitcoin I buy some alts and off I go I don't buy as much as I used to because I'm still waiting. I think they might go down a little bit lower I could be wrong if the Fed pivots then of course I'm going in I'm waiting for that moment But we'll see if those like money says here 75 basis points. I'm hoping for a hundred I know people say well that will destroy the economy yeah probably but I have my thoughts and I'll go into that later St. Jude news goes alex came on the show. Look how that turned out st. Jude has a great point moshinsky did come on the show and Didn't work out too great in that one. Let's hope kukwanzel better but Going back at this one. I will say this If we just would have done what we're supposed to do Don't leave any other exchanges as much as possible Rotate things in and out Maybe take a little bit of a of yield and get out of there and stop being so greedy be okay. I gotta tell you This next bull run There's gonna be more problems. There's gonna things that everybody are gonna come up But if we can get through this, I mean how much more can we get can things get thrown at us? And I think we learned we all learned a lesson and uh, how to manage risk I think that's the bigger ones and how much you make how much you keep And then also shout to jarchy because he's always buying people uh memberships to dan teaches not danish digital asset news On youtube I think it's like a couple bucks and everybody loves them. So thank you Army hey rod can we get together again to see you off at the border? Sure I like beer. Let's do that I like food too Not quite savage says coinbase overturners. Yes, they do. However There's two options There's the advanced trader and the fees are much lower Than what you get on just the regular coinbase. It's a little bit more in depth But you can figure out your smart person everybody here is I think and then the next one is Coinbase one where they charge you it's like 29 bucks a month and they waive all the fees of the $10,000 Of your trading option. So that's still it. But even with that even with that $20, I think you still get a better deal on Coinbase advanced trader Pie hunter says I'm gonna hear every day for a year. It must not like me. I like everybody pie I swear to god. I I do not remember. I would I think I'll remember this This avatar pie hunter. It's a good one Jarky satoshi. Jarky's the man. Yes Just check who coins what is showing up five cents made like 60 bucks walking can't beat that pretty good day, right bull run somewhere I'm broke. We're all broke a little homage to the georgia mulcher. It's pretty funny Brendan broke so my last coin for rent this month kind of glad now getting back in zoom I'm doing rsi base for fully allocation for a percentage of long-term intervals sounds like a plan That's just it. Have a plan stick to that plan whatever it is Gary Gensler is protecting me from sweat and everything else is also protecting ripple on xrp for making an enormous amount of revenue America Funny banter is shilling sweat now too. Here's the thing That's gonna happen. There's gonna be a lot more people talking about sweat coin. Just remember where you heard it first That's all I ask. All right Thinking in the comment section don't know about that rob Look, I got some smart people a lot of smart people with a lot of history. I appreciate a lot of people here Uh, davin now all I eat are nothing burgers and ice cubes Ah the bear market. I'm deep under water the cycle. We'll take years to gain back the loss I made I expect same thing with me look 20 20 2017 I was on top of the world 2018 85 percent down And didis said well to stick around for a while see what happens and it works out Again, like we just talked about All these big institutions coming in and I will warn everybody about that institutions. Everybody thinks it's so great They still have to answer to their shareholders. So just remember The institution giveth And they take it away Which means they will sell crypto. They will get out. They will do all the things So just appreciate them while they're here to buoy the market But expect them to sell different things as time goes on. That's as easy as that Zed zed it was pretty easy to make 4x the hard part was selling once you got it and that's a great point That's what we're going to push through. We're going to get rid of that stigma of not selling We should be selling crypto To fund the lifestyle that we want to have whether that is buying food Paying rent not having to work three jobs and stupidness like there's just craziness like that Not stupidness craziness like that. We should be using the crypto For the utility that it was built for and if it doesn't have the utility at this point Then maybe we sell for some profits and come back along the way the same argument I remember this in the 80s when people would say all the time you got to buy american you got to buy american cars Buy american cars american cars sucked back then I will buy imports You shouldn't do that. Uh, make a better car and they did so that's all I'll say David says brah. We need more hoping in our lives or some of those health tips health tips Always get your Do your do your annual physicals and get your blood work checked up and as in depth as possible That's the best thing I can do and go from there Crypto i'm 100 of calling the bottom and top Give me some of that sweet sweet copium. That's a good one Seat and this is a good point from bryan cpi did not accelerate. It's true It went down from last month just higher than expected expected. So we expected it to go to 0.3 1 to 0.6 Uh, beardy is dan's number three fan. I I tend to believe that I tend to believe that Oh, we just got up for a great q4 I don't know Dan it's good news more different for buying Aaron's got a great point Uh, but jarchy says I use cool coin now for long. I know the reason messa funk. Thank you for clearing it out. Yes Uh, the tech on cool coin. I didn't know this the tech on cool coin definitely works You can make lots and lots of money. They are absolutely merciless with their margin calls However, if you don't set regular stops, you're getting wiped out. I think we can appreciate that, right? As long as they may is that as long as they remain liquid insolvent and solvent not insolvent. We are happy To Toro says, uh, Rob, your green screen is going. Well, yes It's Sometimes I get I use the dynamic green screen with the dogs and the fans and things like that looks more realistic And that's a good point a 23 Cisco says this make cool coin user friendly I know people are ticked off at at Voyager, but you got to admit man It was the smoothest interface so easy to use god. It was easy And uh, now it's gone. So cool coin is not like that. It's a little bit a little bit more of a learning curve But you can do it and especially if you want to get those, uh, sweet gems out there Tom says, hey Rob. Hope all's well with you. Yeah, I'm doing a lot better. I had a big I was pretty run down for for weeks. I don't know what the heck happened went in and got the blood work drawn showed some some different Problems that I had one of those being now that not the testosterone level but the free testosterone And uh, just take some supplements DHEA and tong cattle II still fine And then also I eliminate a lot of stress I uh stepped back majorly from the amazon business let her run an autopilot and then uh, got a little more sun therapy got outside knows it Darth Mike all you know about coup coin. This is interesting. All I need to know about coup coin is no KYC I wonder if that's still going on And then army says I day trade too And I didn't think about this. It's a good point also got more e for my ledger for the possible hard fork That's a a big consideration Uh As eeth goes the merge, you know, mines aren't gonna like that too much Maybe we fork and we have two different chains and go from there. They're gonna classic classic. I don't know Perhaps getting jack in the juice when we get in the channel. I was gonna go on The TRT but didn't I feel like I need it. I'm gonna have an update of again. We'll see how it goes But if I get on that watch out Oh army congratulations I'm doing my phase one physical for a time that that is a sweet time And you got it. You're about to get out Rob, thanks for advice before rate at july 1st actually followed now and I saved a lot of money No, that works out Sometimes I get it right sometimes I get it wrong No, it's a guy never Sell and man go away. We did a video about that in april very timely Buy in june and wait for the moon I don't remember that Not quite savage me too too much keto and fasting TRT for second puberty. Yeah, maybe that was it Was he pretty bad for a while? No, so the question is do you pay a separate entity to manage your real estate? Yes Do you have a day-to-day? No, so for the real estate properties and things like that. We have a management company and Just know they they're going to charge you Exorbitant amount quite honestly 20% revenue But you know deal with the day-to-day and the operations thing like that now if it's long-term rentals We can handle that in the wife But the short-term rentals management company they take care of the cleaning They take care of the fees they care of the questions and answers and everything else you want to know Or that the people ask you it's a pretty slick operation, but 20% is in high I think there's an opportunity there for a business just saying hell, yeah TRT DHA and Gonna go natto relin had to write that down Take take hc acg with TRT to keep the berries plump. Yeah Atrophy testicular atrophy We're gonna find out on a crypto channel. All right, some won't prescribe it Okay Robbie will not take you years to get it all back the their markets move very fast In fact in 18 months or less, you'll be way on the green in a five trillion dollar market That's the thing barton. That's a great. That's a great comment because in this video that we're going to talk about for the For taking profits along the way I'm going to use some indicators And what i'm going to do when these indicators hit on certain points Just going to take profits make it i'm going to make it as simple as I possibly can Because i'm a simple person obviously And then when you do those things you have to understand that I talk about the four-year cycle is non-stop, right? I talk about the four years on it, but you have to understand That when you're getting into investments, you have to at some point think yourself. Well, this might not pan out right, maybe 2025 In december is not the absolute top. Maybe in 2024 at the very end of the year Or early 2025 will be the top and I have to accept that It's okay because the indicators will tell me a little bit along the way And if I can dollar cost average in I can use the indicators like a dollar cost average out And I can be a much happier person and much more sane and not freak out when there's a 10 drop in the market Again, I could care less. I'm I'm hoping for more I am D. Rowan. Will you do the live on eath merge countdown? I will not but I will be I'll be with a The folks over a crypto slate on twitter. I'll tell you all about it. So I'll put it on just follow me on twitter I'll tweet it out Anderson hyphen brazi Yeah, that's true Orlando great question. Rob. What do you expect sweat coin to do since we are in a bear market? And I gotta tell you quite honestly I was when these guys were talking to me about when they're gonna launch. I'm like, I don't know guys but Oops wrong one But I gotta tell you. I mean the market's down. How much today? It's what coins up 601 percent. I mean, it's a little jaded there. I mean, it's five cents Doing pretty good But the question is how long can that last? I don't know. I I don't know. So I'm just I'm just pleasantly surprised it did this well and I think I mean some companies launch in In dire situations. I know like uber launched in the uh between 2007 2009 during the housing bubble That seemed to work out. Okay LinkedIn same way and a couple other different ones. So like with sweat coin I mean, it's just a it's just a precursor. Maybe of what's to come or maybe it crashes to zero. I I have no idea But uh, it was very interesting That in one day you had some of the top top tippy top exchanges listing it And that was fast in one day because some things they they get they get rolled out very slowly But not this one. So I don't know I don't know. I hope it lasts for a while because remember as a as an early round investor I have a cliff of 12 months meaning I don't get to touch any coins for 12 months and then from 12 months to 24 months It's a ladder. So I'm in it for the long haul But that made sense to me I like that I predict would be will be euphoric and march on the way there. I hope so Uh Parish Parse says curious to know you're coming if you had 200,000, what would you invest? How would you invest that in crypto now? Some people would say Throw it all in there and just go for it, right? Um, and that could work a lot of it's a funny thing. A lot of people will say these things like I'm just gonna throw it all in And that can work for diddy at the bitcoin family. He got in bitcoin was a thousand dollars the beginning of 2017 For me, I'm a little more cautious I just am and I would still dollar cost average that That's just how it is. I think How do I show you this the right way? Okay, this is how I do it These this mvrv zscore What is this? Okay, it's three metrics the market value is the blue line the realized value is orange line And the zscore kind of just takes out all the uh the volatility and things like that So this is what you're looking at for me personally When I take a look at this I would dynamic dca Down here in this range. So let's just say I have a baseline. Let's say so I have $200,000, right? Let's say that every day or every week I'm gonna spend a thousand dollars on bitcoin. We'll just say for example, right If it stays along this line, I don't move too much If it goes up, it's still a thousand still a thousand still a thousand every week But as it starts to move down, maybe at zero point one I start to go. Okay, maybe it's a thousand one hundred Thousand two hundred thousand three hundred thousand four hundred thousand five hundred and so on and so forth So as it starts to really go down on the price I start to buy a little bit more and then I go and then in the exact opposite direction I still have my baseline of whatever it is and I go from there now having said all that What happens over here? If it loads Ha so Do this is Find out the greatest one So I have my baseline here. Maybe when I start to take a look at the at the sevens I start to sell off. Maybe here I sell off 10 and when it gets to eight Maybe 20 and when it gets to eight and a half Maybe I sell 30 or so on and so forth But I just take a look and just see when is this overheated And when is it's undervalued and just kind of go from there I think that's part of the the the way that I would take a look at it But I wouldn't dump everything into it initially. I just not that Person There's other people would say that's dumb. I should just go on right now But what if they're going to go to 15k who knows no one knows? Let's see Four-year TRT cycle Hotsky says let's go fossil pump. Yeah Cardano Yeah, army piper says ben's risk bubble chart will tell me to get out of the market And that's the thing like There's these top indicators and the risk assessment tool I use from ben's and I can't really show too much of it Ben doesn't care that much But the people will pay for it do so I can't I can't show it And uh, we go over that briefly in the video. I'm gonna I'm halfway done with doing it Yes man Well, I lose the mod badge if I suggest psilocybin mushrooms from what ails you I gotta tell you Micro dosing I don't want to get kicked off of youtube, but micro dosing is where it's at it is With the occasional slip Anderson they're all high from brazil hello Ah, yeah taco tuesday. These are my favorite days, especially in alpaso Jonathan sebastian if it drops for a fryer then great entry for a long-term call option. Okay Scale in sound advice Very slowly Send me ten eos and I'll send you five back Eos bearded mean you're the only ones that hold eos. I think Great greetings from portugal one. Can we transfer our sweat to central as exchanges? So you should be you should have that option now and as a matter of facts. Let me see the tweet I can't give you exact examples because I'm an american and we don't have that option yet but This was let me find it What the heck is going on with this thing? Let me show you what I'm looking at because you can't see it makes no sense to you Uh, this is sweat These little listings got that swiss borgs now live great There's a new pool and farm on ref that fine. I guess that's the essential. I don't I've never used ref the finance Okay, here we go. Uh, this was six hours ago tge time token generation event We're sending sweat to 13 million sweat wallets. Remember you have to have the crypto wallet. It's not because there's the app That's in your phone And that's like a rewards program essentially and that's where you accumulate your sweat coins But when you transfer them over or when you get their token generation event and they transfer your sweat Which is the sweat crypto? That's a separate wallet. So they're doing that. They did it six hours ago Maybe if you notice a slight delay It's something because the biggest airdrop in history is in progress tokens will be sent today Remember only 10% unlock the rest unlocks over 24 months and that's The truth So everybody's kind of see you guys get at least get 10% I'm gonna get squat I gotta wait At least 12 months to 24 months. All right That's enough sweat talk today Dave ramsey wants me to live pizza. You know, I was always not too keen on that guy But graham steven had him on and a lot of things he says does make a lot of sense Just just saying he has no debt And he owns 600 million dollars worth of commercial real estate property tip of the hat to that guy And he didn't start rich. That's for sure Not macro dosing micro dosing Michael dosing Get the toe on the wall. Yes Dave ramsey needs beans right? I eat beans and rice a lot Because my wife's always making it All right guys, I think that's it. Yeah come on an hour. Look Great times good times I want to say thanks everybody for sticking with me for the q&a if you like today's video Give it a thumbs up.  Just come back tomorrow But what really helps is that for some reason is that like I don't understand what the big deal about that is But something with the algorithm, but that's it for today. So thanks so much for stopping by I do appreciate it and I'll see you guys in the next one. Adios


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I'm going to tell you a story today, you've come to hear about the case of the missing method. But before I get started I've got a question for you. Do you have a side gig? You know, something that brings in a little extra each month. I do. Dyma, rydyn ni'n ymweld y cysylltu yma i gael y tîm yn y bank. Fy rydyn ni, rydyn ni'n ymweld y cyfrifredinol. A mae wedi'i cyfrifredinol? Rybyrch. Nid yw John Fefft yng Nghymru'r Llangwys. A mae ydych chi'n gweithio i'r cyfrifredinol? Rydyn ni'n ei ddau'r rheidio'r llunion mynd a cwrsafodd a cael y cyfnodd i amser panfio'r adroddau rhywbeth yn y gyrhaf a'r adroddau'r gyrhaf. Ac rwy'n gweithio i gael bod yn dod i'r cyflog. Ond rwy'n gweithio'n gweithio'r gyrhaf ar y rai ddweud. Rwy'n gweithio'n gweithio'r adroddau. Byddwn i'r adroddau'r ddweud, D, ond hynny. A byddwn i gweithio'r adroddau'r adroddau? Wel, rydyn ni'n gofio'r gweithio'r adroddau'r gweithio'r adroddau. Ac oeddwn i'n gweithio i chi'n gweithio'r cysyllt arall y gweithio'r methu. Cepta 1. Felly, rydyn ni'n gweithio'r gweithio ar y gweithio. Felly, rydyn ni'n gweithio'r gweithio, maen nhw'n gweithio'r gweithio. Yn y ddweud o'r ddweud, a mae'n Mike. A rydyn ni'n gweithio'n gweithio'r gweithio. Rydyn ni'n gweithio'r Mike. Felly, rydyn ni'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio hon. Yn y ddweud fwyf lovelya, gan thoseiau yn memnwys iawn. Rydyn ni'n ddweud y drafotod dros arall, ac rynnno'r gweithio'r tystr y peithio. Rydyn ni'n gofio y panodd cyroedd y sort beatenidio y prysg��ith yma neu rydyn ni'n gwneud resist ofionlu. Felly ni'n caelكلu'r gerbyn eich eithaf universell intriguing pa Hearley'r Gathenardiau i'r seniolurellna piynhaelach y bob yn rhas sy'n左右 ac rhaAT mwyn gwan. ac mae'r gweithio'r gweithio i'r gweithio ar y gweithio'r llunio'r llunio. Ielodd yn gweithio, a y dyfodol yn ymgyrch genni. Dwi'n ddweud i genni. Aeth oedd yma yma yw 27 oed, mae'r genniol yn y rwybiad yn ymgyrch, a mae'n gofio'r rhaid i'r cyflwyno. Mae'n gofio'r amser, Mike's best friend a housemate. Nid ydy'r gwybod iawn i ddim yn yw'r gwnaeth a'r adwy cream Llywodraethol yn cael ei wneud mewn gweld i'r gyrwleddol, ac yn ystod o ensi Gweinidol yn gweithio'n gweld. Dyna mae'r rhaglen o'r cyfridog bryd o'r fforddau i gadasig i ddifion ar gyfer gwahodd gofod i gwestiyno bwysig o gyfer gydweithio'r diolio'r bair inni. Mae'r melys i'r braff honno. Dyna ajw, mae'r rhaglen o'r fforddau ar gyfer gwahanol, ac mae'n gweithio'r bywysau sydd wedi gynnig y byddai'r bywysau. A hynny'n ymwysig yma, mae'n ymddangos ymddangos. A mae'n cyfnodd ar hyn o'r bywysau gyda Jenny. A dyma'r ddweud y gallu bod yn ymddangos i mi. Mae'n gweithio'n gweithio yn gweithio'n gweithio. Ond Jenny'n byw'n gweithio i'r bywysau, yn gweithio'n gweithio'n gynghwilio, ac mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio ddau i chi'n frefwm, a dwi'n ddau'n ddod i gyd yn dod i'r ddod i fynd i gyd. Ond yn digwydd i chi'n gynhyrchu yng nghymru. Mae'n gweithio'n gwybod o'r ddau ar hyn o'r ddiadau'r ei wneud a chi'n gwybod i gyllidol gael gennu i'r ddod i gyd yn ddod i ni'n gwybod, ac mae'n gwybod i gyd yn ddiad i chi'n gyfrifio ac mae'n gwybod i'r ddod i chi'n ddod i neud. Mae gwneud gennu i gyd yn ddod i gyd yn gwybod i gyrwch. I asked him to walk me through them. So Jenny had these boxes to represent the concept of a ruby object. And all of these objects had a label called class. And this acted as a reference to the parent class of the object in question. So some of these objects were instance objects. And the class label for these referred to another ruby object of type class. Class objects also had their own class label. And all objects of type class also had a methods label. And this pointed to a table of all the methods that instances of that class could call. And then Jenny had written, any class you define is an instance of a class object called class. So if we were to write class cake in our code, we're creating a class object named cake, it's an instance of another class object and the name of that object is class. So all classes are of type class with a capital C. And then Jenny had this code in her notes. So it was class cake and there were two methods. There was one instance method called tasty, which returned true if the flavour of the cake in question was carrot. So I immediately knew Jenny was smart, she was clever. And then there was a class method called edible which always returned true. Okay. Then she wrote, imagine we had a cake instance called carrot. So she had carrot equals cake dot mew. Then this is what the method look up chain would look like. So she had one of her boxes and she'd labelled it carrot. It had a class label. It pointed to another one of the ruby object boxes and it was called cake. That had its own class label. It also had a methods label which pointed to a table and there was a single entry, the tasty method. Because all instances of cake could call tasty. And then the class label for the cake object pointed to another object labelled class with a capital C. And it had a methods label and that pointed to a table also with a single entry called edible. And then Jenny had written, a method definition always comes from an object's class. And at this point Mike shook his head with frustration. It cannot be that the edible method lives on the parent class for all classes, he said. Can I show you something here? Can I jump on your computer? I said, okay, so he goes over to my desk, opens up terminal, enters pry and he loads in this cake class from Jenny's notes. So then he shows that the class of cake is indeed class and then he searches all of the instance methods for edible in class. What a mystery. I am stumped at this point and I'm just not sure how to proceed with this one. But if anyone can tackle a challenge like this, it's D. And besides, this meant a lot to Mike. He was prepared to pay me handsomly. And so I agreed to take on the case. Chapter two, ever heard of Google? Or if you care about your privacy or you don't like people on me spying on you, maybe you use duck, duck, go. Well, when I'm D, I don't believe in these tools. No, I don't trust them. And it's no coincidence that with this approach, I've become the best Ruby PI that industry has to offer. And so what did I have? Books, books and more books. And I spent a whole day quickly skimming a load of books, but I couldn't find any useful information. So I thought, well, why don't I form a hypothesis and go from there? So I said, okay, the edible method, while not on the cake object, it must be somewhere in the ancestry tree. So what's the ancestry tree? Well, it shows all of the classes and modules that a class inherits from. So all the possible places that a method could come from when you call a method on an object. And I thought, well, how do I search this ancestry tree? So I made a method called where. And it took two parameters, an object and a method. And that's the method that you're trying to search for in relation to the object. And I looked through the ancestors of the object's class to try and find the class where the instance methods of that class and only that class included the method I was looking for. So I thought, let me just check that this method's working. So I created an instance of cake. And I said, let me find the tasty method on this instance carrot. And if it's working, it should be on cake. Great. Now it's time to find the edible method. It has to be somewhere in the ancestry tree. What? Nowhere? At all? God, what a mystery. And at this point, I am confused. And I think, okay, it's time for some fresh air. It's time for a change of scenery. And so I decide to go to my favourite co-working space. And here I feel at home. Because I'm surrounded by people hacking away. And I quickly settle down at one desk. Given my naturally inquisitive nature, my eyes couldn't help but stray to the screen of the guy next to me. And he was playing around with this thing called object space in IRB. And I asked him, I said, what's that? That looks interesting. And he said, well, it's a way that you can interact with all of the live objects within a Ruby session. So if you were to type in object space dot count objects and pass in the symbol t class, you can count all of the live class objects that you have in a Ruby session. So I thought, okay, it's probably time for a break. Let me have a play by myself in IRB. So I went into IRB and I did what the guy had shown me. I counted up all the class objects. 936. So I thought, okay, let me create a class and see that that number goes up to 937. 938. What? Okay, let me try that again. 940. What a mystery. But I don't have too much time to think about this because just then my phone rings and it's my friend wondering where I am. So you see, I completely forgotten that I'd agreed to go to this tech lecture with her and I was anxious that I really didn't have much time to solve Mike's case. But I'd been cancelling a lot on this friend lately, putting my investigative duties first. And I thought that maybe on this occasion I should make a little bit of time for her. So I rushed out of the door. Chapter three. So I arrived just in time for the beginning of the lecture and it was about a language called small talk. I wasn't interested at all. I mean I only have space in my heart for Ruby. But as I said, I was there for my friends. The lecture was talking about how small talk had been born in the 1970s and it had led to the creation of object-oriented programming. But it wasn't long before I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't stop thinking about my play with object space. Each time I'd been creating one class but yet two objects were being created. Pay attention, my friend said. So I looked up to see the lecturer asking the room what is the class of a class in small talk? And she had this code on the screen and I hadn't been following but I could see that she'd printed out this polygon object and then she'd asked the system that she was interacting with well what's the class of the polygon object and it had returned polygon class. And then she typed in polygon class class and it printed out meta class. And she said the class of a class in small talk is called a meta class. And then she went on to say that all languages that have been inspired by small talk have their own concept of meta classes. And that included Objective C, Java, Python, Ruby, Ruby. Oh, something clicked. One class, two objects. So I made my apologies to my soon to be no longer friend and I rushed out of the door and ran home and I thought okay, let me try my luck. Okay, of course that was going to be too easy. So I said well let me look at all the methods that exist on cake. So I found this list rather overwhelming so I thought how can I filter it down? Let me look at all the methods that include the word class. Okay, so this list was a lot more manageable and two methods stuck out for me. One was super class and the other one was singleton class. Okay, so I thought well let me remind myself that this is an ancestry tree for cake. And I said to myself I know that the edible method already doesn't live on any of these classes or modules. So then I thought well let's see what super class gives me, object. So I immediately knew super class was not what I was looking for, object was in cake classes, ancestors. So that was time to try singleton class. Oh, this was new. I hadn't seen this before. It looked rather strange. I saw three new classes that I hadn't seen before that looked rather different. Very interesting. And so I thought well why don't I go back to my where method and this time rather than searching the ancestors of the objects class why don't I search the ancestors of an object singleton class so I could search through those three new things that I just discovered and then it was time to give it a go. My middle of truth. There was that thing and I thought okay let me just check that what I think is happening is actually happening and in my excitement I forgot how to type but I got there eventually and I confirmed that the edible method lived on cake singleton class. Case closed. Chapter four. So at this point I am delighted. I'm so happy and I'm really excited to share this news with Mike. I also took a moment to wonder whether I should retire because this would prove to be one of the biggest successes of my career and they always say that you should quit when you're ahead. Anyway, I pushed those thoughts aside and I picked up a phone and I gave Mike a call and the phone rings for forever and I'm about to lose hope at reading him when he finally answers and I say hey can I come round, I've solved the case and he's excited, he says of course come round I'll have the notes ready and waiting for you but although the case was solved for Mike I wasn't satisfied because I just discovered a whole new concept in the language that I hadn't heard of before. What are singleton classes? And so instead of going directly to Mike's I took a detour to a friend of mine. She was called Ellen, she was 43 years old a freelance developer and she regularly contributed to the Ruby code base. So I proceeded to tell her all about the case and when I'm done I ask her what are these singleton classes all about? And she says well the hidden classes created internally behind the scenes in Ruby and they're there to hold methods to find only for one particular object so take your instance of carrot of the cake class its singleton class would hold methods specific to carrot only and not to any other instance say if you had one called red velvet or chocolate. So I said okay given that they're working away behind the scenes when does knowing about them become useful? So Ellen fought for a while and then she told me about one of her recent clients they were called budgeting ink and they were a clever artificial intelligence machine learning personal finance tool for small business owners and they were expanding globally and they needed to roll out slightly unique versions of their software for each new city that they entered. Ellen told me how that when she first looked at the code base she was horrified. Different developers had been responsible for each new city and it looked like they were experimenting and trying out a new approach each time whether it was naming things, testing things designing interfaces and so there was a lot of duplication in the code base and sometimes that duplication was very obvious like you could see it directly and sometimes it wasn't so obvious it was hidden beneath the surface but this meant that there was a lot of wasted time on development because the developers were often reinventing the wheel and they were often doing a bad job of it and so there were a lot of bugs some things had been copied hastily some things had been left out and it was really difficult to see what was important so the developers at the company weren't unhappy they had a lot of tiresome, repetitive work and the cognitive load was really high and the product owner was also unhappy because delivery was either very slow or things were spun out quickly and they were bug ridden so Ellen wasn't quite sure what to do and then she said well I decided to create a DSL, a domain specific language and she asked me if I knew what she was talking about it's a mystery Ellen, you're going to have to explain so she said well let me show you what a basic version is she beckoned me over to her computer and she opened up pry and she input this class so it was called city instance it had a class method called construct which took a block it then set up a variable called city which called up to initialize via the new keyword then we called instance of violent city passing in the block that we passed into the construct method and then we returned the city object there was an attribute reader called taxes we then had an initialize method which set up an instance variable called taxes as an empty array and then we had a method called tax which took an argument called name and that pushed the name of that tax into the taxes collection and that was time to give it a go so Ellen created a city instance called New York and she added a couple of taxes and then she printed out the taxes in New York and so she said there we have it that is a very simple DSL and now we can quickly keep spinning up these lightweight city objects so imagine if we had other properties though like a list of banks in a city or finance schemes and imagine if we had more information on each of these properties so maybe with the taxes rather than just the name we had some information about the threshold and the different rates so using this simple framework as a starting point it's not hard to extend the city instance class to create incrementally more complex city objects well imagine taking this to the next level imagine interacting with the city instance class in the same way on the command line but instead of just creating variables in our price session we're spinning up new subclasses of city and other related models for each tax scheme bank that we list so Ellen explains that this was the sort of thing that she had created for budgeting Inc a DSL that allows for quick easy scaffolding of each new city subclass and any other related classes so she said ok I've shown you how you spin up identical city instances that have different names and different taxes but what about if we had one city that had a quirk so she asked me to think of a place in the UK and I suggested Bath since that was the scene of my first ever case so she said ok let's take Bath and let's add a tax and then she said can you think of something that makes people in the UK really unhappy and she didn't like my suggestion she thought it was a bit too controversial so she said well let's focus on the fact that it rains all the time in the UK and let's say the local government feels sorry for people and so they clear all the taxes when it rains so we looked at Bath's taxes and then it rains so the government said we'll call a rainy day amnesty and then we look at the taxes again no afternoon tea tax now remember our friends in New York Ellen said well they've heard about this rainy day amnesty and they want some as well and so it rains in New York and the government tries to call one but no undefined method of rainy day amnesty for city incidents and then there were these interesting characters after it and Ellen said well what are these interesting characters let me show you something and I saw that when she called Singleton class on New York the exact same class object was returned and so Ellen said when we enter the realm of DSLs and we're calling methods like instance of AL what we're doing is we're leveraging the existence of singleton classes because what instance of AL does is it stores any method declaration that we pass into the class via the block argument on an object singleton class so hold on to that thought said Ellen I just want to take a step back to the high level for one second so she says that by creating a DSL like this for budgeting Inc she enabled the developers to spin up each new city instance effortlessly so she explains how she had like abstracted away the key similarities between any city so now the developers had a frictionless way via the command line of spinning up the foundation that they needed and the code was way better maintained because all of the scaffolding had been tested once and tested by Ellen so now the developers didn't have to worry about it they didn't have to touch it unless they changed that code instead they could now focus on the interesting parts the customization that was required for each new city the scope was much more refined so now the developers were happy because interacting with the system was a joy it was easier to have a high level overview of the whole domain purely just by looking at the documentation for the DSL and the product owner was happy also because there were far fewer bugs delivery was much faster and she could also speak in the same language as the developers just by expressing new requirements in the terminology of the DSL and now let's go back to singleton classes of Ellen so why is knowing about them useful well one of the main reasons I was able to complete this project to a high standard said Ellen was because I understood exactly where I was defining methods at any given time she said that once you enter the realm of dynamically creating classes and methods on singletons like we did well and as you saw in your investigation the class hierarchy and method lookup gets far more interesting and so you might be getting error messages and you need to be able to spot where singleton methods and classes are involved and where they're hiding because it can save you from a lot of headache but beware Ellen said I've been going on and on about DSLs but they're not the answer to everything if you have perhaps complex repeated business rules and maybe you need to customise behaviour in specific instances then you can consider DSLs as an option but even then approach with caution but she said you don't even need to be writing DSLs for it to be beneficial for you to understand how they work so she asked me you're using rails right you're using every day well then you're seeing DSLs every day and she went to the rails guides website and she went to the active record migration section and she said well look these are carried out via DSL when you call create table and you specify what each of the columns are that is a DSL and she also said when you specify how your rails app handle HTTP requests that's also done via DSL and I thought I've always just been doing this by rope I never stopped to think about what was happening behind the scenes every time I typed the resources keyword into my rootsrb file and there's more of these said Ellen so she said that when people talk about rails magic it's not really rails magic it's more a collection of well written DSL and then Ellen looked at me and she said I hope you're TDDing all of the time and I said of course Ellen what do you take me for and she said good because aspect with its describe context its blocks that is all DSLs as well and so with all of these rails and aspects DSLs that you're using every day knowing about singleton classes can help because you might find yourself in the midst of a tricky problem and you can't make head or tail of it particularly if you inherit a code base and so if you're seeing a funny bug to do with methods you never know singleton classes might be the answer and having them as part of your suite of debugging tools can be incredibly useful so I was feeling really leveled up by the end of this conversation and on with this new knowledge I headed over to Mike's but when I arrived I found a Mike who had tears in his eyes he'd obviously been recently crying I looked down and I saw that he had crumpled pieces of paper in his hands he raised his arms towards me offering me the papers they looked exactly the same as the method lookup notes of Jenny's that he brought me the day before so I took the notes from him I looked through them I couldn't see what was wrong they looked exactly the same there was the carrot object with its class label that pointed to a cake object that had its class label it also had its methods label with tasty in there and then the class object for cake pointed to the class object with its methods label which also had the edible entry in there but wait it didn't say class like last time this time it said cake singleton and as Mike saw me notice this difference he fell to his knees and broke down in tears Jenny knew about singleton classes all along he'd gone into her room to find the notes in advance of my arrival and this was the copy of the notes he'd found Jenny was so desperate to secure the job for herself that she set out to intentionally mislead Mike in the hope that he would fail a whole section of the interview and therefore look unprepared I for one was disappointed in myself I had, thank you I had been, I know I had been so focused on the main villain the shady mastermind that I'd failed to spot a villain right under my nose my best friend tried to sabotage me Mike cried and at this point he started wailing again saying he wasn't going to go to the RIP interview tomorrow and I said nonsense you cannot give up now I crouched down next to him I gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder and I said you can do this and I have just the thing to help set you apart from Jenny and he looked up hopeful have you heard of dear selves? I asked him and I proceeded to tell him everything that Ellen had just shared with me and although Mike still looked devastated as I left him I had confidence that I had inspired him with the power of singleton classes that he'd pull himself together and go and secure the RIP internship for himself so it's two months later and I managed to drag myself out of the house to go to a hack night and I'm just standing around milling a bow enjoying the free food and drink when I hear a couple of people whispering in the corner ooh she's Ruby famous one of them says and I look across the room and who do I see? Ellen so I walk over, we catch up and I tell her that I've been reflecting on the case of the missing method I had my takeaways so you know singleton classes they're there to hold methods defined for one particular object and understanding them opens up a whole new world of Ruby because when you're dynamically creating classes and methods on the fly in more complex applications with things like dear selves then it's really useful to understand them but I said to Ellen I still feel as if day to day I can get by ignoring singleton classes so do I really have to care about them at all? not really said Ellen well like you say if you're writing dear selves then definitely yes know what you're doing and they do underpin popular frameworks like I showed you like rail but day to day you can get by ignoring them however she said understanding why singleton classes are there I think is super interesting and empowering think of the Ruby call team they wanted to keep things as straightforward and simple as possible and by simple what I mean is they wanted to minimise special cases can we aim for having one way, one pattern for explaining how anything works in the language they ask themselves how consistent can we get things so let's think about consistency in the realm of Ruby methods well if you think about it all methods in Ruby are defined in only one of two places a normal class object or a singleton class and every method in Ruby is really an instance method and method lookup always starts with a singleton class and class methods don't really have any fundamentally different behaviour to other methods what we call class methods are really instance methods where the objecting question is a class and the method is stored on the class's singleton so yeah singleton classes are invisible but yet they're everywhere they're a fundamental part to how Ruby and its method lookup works so I left the hack night deep in thought Ellen had inspired me to explore more of Ruby behind the scenes cos there was so much here that I didn't know I'd only scratched the surface and while I'd always been a general Ruby PI and I'd been very successful in the field I thought maybe it was time to find a niche so that I could reach that next level


CHAPTER 30 The Baron arrives in England. The Colossus of Rhodes comes to congratulate him. Great rejoicings on the Baron's return and a tremendous concert, the Baron's discourse with Fragrantia, and her opinion of the tour to the Hebrides. Having arrived in England once more, the greatest rejoicings were made for my return. The whole city seemed one general blaze of illumination, and the Colossus of Rhodes, hearing of my astonishing feats, came on purpose to England to congratulate me on such unparalleled achievements. But above all other rejoicings on my return, the musical oratorio and song of triumph were magnificent in the extreme. Gog and Magog were ordered to take the maiden tower of Windsor, and make a tambourine or great drum of it. For this purpose they extended an elephant's hide, tanned and prepared for the design, across the summit of the tower from parapet to parapet, so that in proportion this extended elephant's hide was to the whole of the castle what the parchment is to a drum, in such a manner that the whole became one great instrument of war. To correspond with this, Colossus took Guildhall in Westminster Abbey, and turning the foundations toward the heavens so that the roofs of the edifices were upon the ground, he strung them across with brass and steel wire from side to side, and thus when strung they had the appearance of most noble dulcimus. He then took the great dome of St. Paul's, raising it off the earth with as much facility as you would a decanter of claret, and when once risen up it had the appearance of a quartz bottle. Colossus instantly with his teeth cracked off the superior part of the capola, and then applying his lips to the instrument began to sound it like a trumpet, towards marshal beyond description, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. During the concert I walked in the park with Lady Fragrancia. She was dressed that morning in a semi-ala rain. I like, said she, the dew of the morning, tis delicate and ethereal, and by thus bespangling me I think it will more approximate me to the nature of the rose, for her looks were like aurora, and to confirm the vermilion I shall go to spa. And drink the pod and spring, had I, gazing at her from top to toe? Yes, replied the lovely Fragrancia, with all my heart, tis the drink of sweetness and delicacy. Never were there any creatures like the water-drinkers at spa.  There is a certain something in the waters that gives vigor to the whole frame, and expands every heart with rapture and benevolence. They drink, good gods, how do they drink, and then, how they sleep, pray, my dear Baron, were you ever at the falls of Niagara? Yes, my lady, replied I. Surprise it such a strained association of ideas. I have been, many years ago, at the falls of Niagara, and found no more difficulty in swimming up and down the cataracts than I should to move minuet. At that moment she dropped her nose-gay. Ah! said she, as I presented it to her. There is no great variety in these polyanthesis. I do assure you, my dear Baron, that there is taste in the selection of flowers as well as everything else, and where I have a girl of sixteen I should wear some rose buds in my bosom. But at five and twenty I think it would be more apropos to wear a full-blown rose, quite ripe and ready to drop off the stalk for want of being pulled high. But pray, my lady, said I, how do you like the concert? Alas! said she, languishingly, while she laid her hand upon my shoulder. What are these bodiless sounds and vibration to me, and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of the northern part of our island? Thou art gone away from me, Mary.  But never, never can I think of that same Dr. Johnson, that constable, as Fergus MacLeod calls him, but I have an idea of a great brown full-bottom wagon of hogshead of porter. Oh! it was base, to be treated everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and in return, invidiously, to smell fungus them all over, to go to the country of Kate of Aberdeen, of old Robin Gray, of its rural innocence and sweetness, take up their plaids and dance. Oh! Doctor, doctor! And what would you say, Fragantia, if you were to write a tour to the Hebrides? Peace to the heroes, replied she, in a delicate and theatrical tone, peace to the heroes who sleep in the Isle of Iona, the Sons of the Wave and the Chiefs of the Dark Brown Shield. The tear of the sympathizing stranger is scattered by the wind over the hoary stones as she meditates sourfully on the times of old. Such could I say, sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus, the fact is this. There is a right and a wrong handle to everything, and there is more pleasure in thinking with pure nobility of heart than with the illiberal enmities and sarcasm of a black-head. CHAPTER XXXI ELITIGATED CONTENTION between Don Cioti, Gogh, Magogh, etc. A grand court assembled upon it, the appearance of the company, the matrons, judges, etc. The method of writing and the use of the fashionable and the amusement quizzes. Waow, waow, arrives from the country of Presta John, and leads the whole assembly a wild goose chase to the top of Plin Liman, and thence to Virginia. The barren meets a floating island in his voyage to America, pursues waow, waow, with his whole company through the depths of the sea. The barren meets a floating island in his voyage to America, pursues waow, waow, with his whole company through the depths of North America. His curious contrivance to seize waow, waow, in a morass. The contention between Gogh and Magogh, and Sphinx, Halara, Frosticus, the Lord Whittington, etc. was productive of infinite litigation. All the lawyers in the kingdom were employed to render the affair as complex and gloriously uncertain as possible, and in fine the whole nation became interested, and were divided on both sides of the question. Colossus took the part of Sphinx, and the affair was at length submitted to the decision of a grand council in a great hall, adorned with seats on every side in form of an amphitheater. The assembly appeared the most magnificent and splendid in the world. A quarter jewellery of 100 matrons occupied the principal and most honorable part of the amphitheater. They were dressed in flowing robes of sky blue velvet adorned with festoons of brilliance and diamond stars. Grave and sedate-looking matrons, all in uniform, were spectacles upon their noses. And opposite to these were placed 100 judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on each side of them to their very feet, so that Solomon in all his glory was not so wise in appearance. At the ardent request of the whole empire I condescended to be the president of the court, and being arrayed accordingly I took my seat beneath a canopy erected in the centre. Before every judge was placed a square ink-stand containing a gallon of ink and pens of a portionable size, and also right before him an enormous folio, so large as to serve for table and book at the same time. But they did not make much use of their pens in ink except to blot and delve the paper, for that they should be the more impartial. I had ordered that none but the blind should be honoured with the employment, so that when they attempted to write anything they uniformly dipped their pens into the machine containing sand, and having scrawled over the page as they thought, desiring then to dry it with sand would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper, and thereby daubing their fingers would transfer the ink to their face whenever they leaned their cheek upon their hand for greater gravity. As to the matrons, to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown all manner of intelligibility, I found it absolutely necessary to sew up their mouths, so that between the blind judges and the dumb matrons, we thought the trial had a chance of being terminated sooner than it otherwise would. The matrons instead of their tongues had other instruments to convey their ideas. Each of them had three quizzes, one quiz pendant from the string that sewed up her mouth, and another quiz in either hand. When she wished to express her negative, she darthed and recalled the quizzes in her right and left hand. And when she desired to express her affirmative, she nodding made the quiz pendant from her mouth flow down and recall again. The trial proceeded in this manner for a long time, to the admiration of the whole empire. When at length I thought proper to send to my old friend and ally, Presta John, and treating him to forward me one of the species of wild and curious woods found in his kingdom, called a whoa-whoa. This creature was brought over the Great Bridge before mentioned, from the interior of Africa by a balloon. The balloon was placed upon the bridge, extending over the parapets on each side, with great wings or oars to assist its velocity, and under the balloon was placed pendant a kind of boat in which were the persons to manage the steerage of the machine and protect whoa, whoa. This oracular bird, arriving in England, instantly darthed through one of the windows of the Great Hall, and perched upon the canopy in the centre to the admiration of all present. Her cackling appeared quite prophetic and oracular. And the first question proposed to her by the unanimous consent of the matrons and judges was whether or not the moon was composed of a green cheese. The solution of this question was deemed absolutely necessary before they could proceed further on the trial. Whoa, whoa, seemed in figure not very much differing from a swan, except that the neck was not near so long, and she stood after an admirable fashion straight to Vestras. She began cackling most sonorously and the whole assembly agreed that it was absolutely necessary to catch her. And having her in their immediate possession, nothing more would be requisite for the termination of this litigated affair. For this purpose the whole house rose up to catch her, and approached in tumult, the judges brandishing their pins and shaking their big wigs, and the matrons quizzing as much as possible in every direction, which very much startled, whoa, whoa, who, clapping her wings, instantly flew out of the hall. The assembly began to proceed after her in order and style of precedence, together with my whole train of Gog and Magog, Sphinx, Halera, Fusticus, Queen Mab's chariot, the Bulls and Crickets, etc. Proceeded by bands of music, whoa, whoa, whoa, descending on the earth, ran on like an ostrich before the troop, cackling all the way. Thinking suddenly to catch this ferocious animal, the judges and matrons would suddenly quicken their pace, for the creature would as quickly outrun them, or sometimes fly away for many miles together, and then alight to take breath until we came with insight of her again. Our train journeyed over a most prodigious tract of country in a direct line, over hills and nails to the summit of Plin Lemon, where we thought to have seized, whoa, whoa, but she instantly took flight, and never ceased till she arrived at the mouth of the Potomac River in Virginia. Our company immediately embarked in the machines before described, in which we had journeyed into Africa, and after a few days' sail arrived in North America. We met with nothing curious on our voyage, except the floating island, containing some very delightful villages inhabited by a few whites and negroes. The sugarcane did not fry there well, on account, as I was informed, of the variety of climates, the island being sometimes driven up as far as the North Pole, and at other times wafted under the equinoctial. In pity to the poor islanders, I got a huge stake of iron, and driving it through it to the center of the island, fastened it to the rocks and mud at the bottom of the sea. Since which time the island has become stationary, and is well known at present by the name of St. Christopher's, and there is not an island in the world more secure. Arriving in North America, we were received by the President of the United States with every honor and politeness. He was pleased to give us all the information possible relative to the woods in immense regions of America, and ordered troops of the different tribes of the Eskimos to guide us through the forest in pursuit of Waowau, who, at length found, had taken refuge in the center of a morace. The inhabitants of the country, who loved hunting, were much delighted to behold the manner in which we attempted to seize upon Waowau. The chase was noble and uncommon. I determined to surround the animal on every side, and for this purpose ordered the judges and matrons to surround the morace with nets extending a mile in height, on various parts of which net the company disposed themselves, floating in the air like so many spiders upon their cobwebs. Maygog, at my command, put on a kind of armor that he had carried with him for the purpose, corset of steel, with gauntlet's helmet, etc., so as nearly to resemble a mole. He instantly plunged into the earth, making way with his sharp steel headpiece, and tearing up the ground with his iron claws, and found not much difficulty therein, as morace in general is of a soft and yielding texture. Thus he hoped to underline Waowau, and suddenly rising, sees her by the foot what his brother Gog ascended the air in a balloon, hoping to catch her so she could escape Maygog. Thus the animal was surrounded on every side, and at first was very much terrified knowing not which way she had best to go. At length, hearing an obscure noise underground, Waowau took flight before Maygog had a chance to catch her foot. She flew to the right, then to the left, northeast, west, and south, but found on every side the company prepared upon their nets. At length she flew right up, soaring at a most astonishing rate towards the sun, while the company on every side set up one general acclamation. But Gog and his balloon soon stopped Waowau in the midst of her career, and sneered her in a net, the cause of which he continued to hold in his hand. Waowau did not totally lose her presence of mind, but after a little consideration, made several violent darts against the volume of the balloon, so fierce as at length to tear open a great space on which the inflammable air rushed out, the whole apparatus began to tumble to the earth with amazing rapidity. Gog himself was thrown out of the vehicle, and letting go the reins of the net, Waowau got liberty again, and flew out of sight in an instant. Gog had been above a mile elevated from the earth when he began to fall, and as he advanced the rapidity increased, so that he went like a ball from a cannon into the mares, and his nose striking violently against one of the iron captains of his brother Magog, just then writing from the depth, he began to bleed violently, and but for the softness of the mares would have lost his life. End of Chapter 31 Chapter 32 of Baron Munchasin This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, visit LibriVox.org The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchasin by Rudolf Erich Raspe Chapter 32 The Baron harangs the company, and they continue the pursuit. The Baron, wandering from his retinue, is taken by the savages, scalped and tied to a stake to be roasted, but he contrives to extricate himself and kills the savages. The Baron travels overland, through the forests of North America, to the confines of Russia, arrives at the castle of Naryskin, Roushimovsky, and gallops into the kingdom of Lagerheads, a battle in which the Baron fights the Naryskin in single combat, and generously gives him his life. Arrives at the friendly islands and discourses with Omae. The Baron, with all his attendants, goes from Otehete to the Isthmus of Darien, and having cut a canal across the Isthmus, returns to England. My friends, and very learned and profound, Judy Carey, said I, being not disheartened that wow-wow has escaped from you at present, persevere and we shall yet succeed. You should never despair, Munchausen, being your general, and therefore be brave, be courageous, and fortune shall second your endeavors. Let us advance undaunted in pursuit, and follow the fierce wow-wow, even three times round the globe, until we entrap her. My words filled them with confidence and valor, and they unanimously agreed to continue the chase. We penetrated the frightful desert sand to gloomy woods of America, beyond the source of the Ohio, through countries utterly unknown before. I frequently took the diversion of shooting in the woods, and one day, that I happened with three attendants to wander very far from our troop, we were suddenly set upon by a number of savages. As we had expended our powder and shot, and happened to have no side-arms, it was in vain to make any resistance against hundreds of enemies. In short, they bound us, and made us walk before them to a gloomy cavern in Iraq, where they feasted upon what game they had killed, but which, not being sufficient, they took my three unfortunate companions and myself, and scalped us. The pain of losing the flesh from my head was most horrible. It made me leap in agonies, and roar like a bull. They then tied us to stakes, and making great fires around us began to dance in a circle, singing with much distortion and barbarity, and at times, putting the palms of their hands to their mouths, set up the war whoop. As they had on that day also made a great prize of some wine and spirits belonging to our troop, these barbarians, finding it delicious and unconscious of its intoxicating quality, began to drink it in profusion while they beheld us roasting, and in a very short time they were all completely drunk and fell asleep around the fires. Perceiving some hopes, I used most astonishing efforts to extricate myself from the cords which I was tied, and at length succeeded. I immediately unbound my companions, and though half-roasted, they still had power enough to walk. We sought about for the flesh that had been taken off our heads, and having found the scalps, we immediately adapted them to our bloody heads, sticking them on with a kind of glue of a sovereign quality that flows from a tree in that country, and the parts united and healed in a few hours. We took care to revenge ourselves on the savages, and with their own hatchets put every one of them to death. We then returned to our troop, who had given us up for lost, and they made great rejoicings on our return. We now proceeded in our journey through this prodigious wilderness, Gog and Magog acting as pioneers, hewing down the trees, etc., at a great rate as we advanced. We passed over numberless swamps and lakes and rivers until at length we discovered a habitation at some distance. It appeared a dark and gloomy castle surrounded with strong ramparts and a broad ditch. We called a council of war, and it was determined to send a deputation with a trumpet to the walls of the castle and demand friendship from the governor, whoever he might be, and an account if ought he knew of WoW. For this purpose our whole caravan halted in the wood, and Gog and Magog reclined against the trees that their enormous strength and size should not be discovered and give umbrage to the lord of the castle. Our embassy approached the castle, and having demanded admittance for some time at length the drawbridge was let down, and they were suffered to enter. As soon as they had passed the gate it was immediately closed after them, and on either side they perceived ranks of halbergeers who made them tremble with fear. We calm, the herald proclaimed, on the part of Hilaro Frosticos Don Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-renowned Baron Munchausen to claim friendship from the governor of this Poisson castle, and to seek WoW. The most noble, the governor, replied the officer, is at all times happy to entertain such travelers as passed through these immense deserts, and will esteem it an honor that the great Hilaro Frosticos Don Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-renowned Baron Munchausen, enter his castle walls. In short, we entered the castle. The governor sat with all our company to table, surrounded by his friends, of a very fierce and warlike appearance. They spoke but little, and seemed very austere and reserved, until the first course was served up. The dishes were brought in by a number of bears walking on their fine legs, and on every dish was a fricacy of pistols, pistol bullets, sauce of gunpowder, and acuvite. This entertainment seemed, rather, indigestible by even an ostrich's stomach, when the governor addressed us and informed me that it was ever his custom to strangers to offer them for the first course a service similar to that before us, and if they were inclined to accept the invitation, he would fight them as much as they pleased, but if they could not relish the pistol bullets, etc., he would conclude them peaceable, and try what better politeness he could show them in his castle. In short, the first course being removed untouched, we dined, and after dinner the governor forced the company to push the bottle about with alacrity, and to excess. He informed us that he was the Naryskin Ravsky-Madavsky, who had retired amidst these wilds disgusted with the court of Petersburg. I was rejoiced to meet him. I recollected my old friend, whom I had known at the court of Russia, when I rejected the hand of the empress. The Naryskin, with all his knights' companions, drank to an astonishing degree, and we all set off upon hobby horses in full cry out of the castle. Never was there seen such a cavalcade before. In front galloped a hundred knights belonging to the castle, with hunting horns, and a pack of excellent dogs. And then came Naryskin Ravsky-Madavsky, Gog and Magog, Hilaro, Frostikos, and your humble servant, halloween and shouting like so many demoniacs, spurring our hobby horses at an infernal rate, until we arrived in the kingdom of loggerheads. The kingdom of loggerheads was wilder than any part of Siberia, and the Naryskin had there built a romantic summerhouse in a gothic taste, to which he would frequently retire with his company after dinner. The Naryskin had a dozen bears of enormous stature that danced for our amusement, and their chiefs performed the menuet de la coure to admiration. And here the most noble, Hilaro Frostikos, thought proper to ask the Naryskin some intelligence about wow-wow, in quest of whom we had traveled over such a tract of country, and encountered so many dangerous adventures, and also invited the Naryskin Ravsky-Madavsky to attend us with all his bears in the expedition. The Naryskin appeared astonished at the idea. He looked with infinite auteur and ferocity on Hilaro, and, affecting a violent passion, asked him, did he imagine that the Naryskin Ravsky-Madavsky could have condescend to take notice of a wow-wow, let her fly what way she would? Or did he think a chief possessing such blood in his veins could engage in such a foreign pursuit?  Hilaro Frostikos resented this oration, and, in short, a general riot commenced. The bears, together with the Hundred Knights, took the part of the Naryskin, and Gog and Magog, Don Quixote, the Sphinx, Lord Whittington, the Bulls, the Crickets, the Judges, the Matrons, and Hilaro Frostikos made no bull warfare against them. I drew my sword and challenged the Naryskin to single combat. He frowned, while his eyes sparkled fire and indignation, and bracing a buckler on his left arm, he advanced against me. I made a blow at him with all my force, which he received upon his buckler, and my sword broke short.  An enormous bear, at the same time, attacked me, but I ran my hand, still retaining the hilt of my broken sword, down his throat, and tore up his tongue by the roots. I then seized his carcass by the hind legs, and whirling it over my head gave the Naryskin such a blow, with his own bear, as evidently stunned him. I repeated my blows, knocking the bear's head against the Naryskin's head, until by one happy blow I got his head into the bear's jaws, and the creature being still somewhat alive and convulsive, the teeth closed upon him like nutcrackers. I threw the bear from me, but the Naryskin remained sprawling, unable to extricate his head from the bear's jaws, imploring for mercy. I gave the wretch his life, a lion prays not upon carcasses. At the same time my troop had defectually routed the bears and the rest of their adversaries. I was merciful, and ordered quarter to be given. At that moment I perceived wow-wow, flying at a great height through the heavens, and we instantly set out in pursuit of her, and never stopped until we arrived at Kamshaka, thence we passed to Otaheite. I met my old acquaintance, Omae, who had been in England with the great navigator Cook, and I was glad to find he had established Sunday schools over all the islands. I talked to him of Europe, and his former voyage to England. Ah, said he most empathically, the English, the cruel English, to murder me with goodness and refine upon my torture, took me to Europe, and showed me the court of England, the delicacy of exquisite life. They showed me gods, and showed me heaven, as if on purpose to make me feel the loss of them. From these islands we set out, attended by a fleet of canoes with fighting stages, and the chiefest warriors of the islands, commanded by Omae. Thus the chariot of Queen Mab, my team of bulls and the crickets, the ark, the Sphinx, and the balloons, with Ilarophrosticles, Gog and Magog, Whittington, and the Lord Mayor's show, Don Quixote, etc. With my fleet of canoes, altogether cut a very formidable appearance on our arrival at the Isthmus of Darien. Sensible of what general benefit it would be to mankind, I immediately formed a plan of cutting a canal across the Isthmus from sea to sea. For this purpose I drove my chariot with the greatest impetuosity, repeatedly from shore to shore, in the same track, tearing up the rocks and earth thereby, and forming a towerable bed for the water. Gog and Magog next advanced at the head of a million of people from the realms of North and South America, and from Europe, and with infinite labour cleared away the earth, etc., that I had plowed up with my chariot. I then again drove my chariot, making the canal wider and deeper, and ordered Gog and Magog to repeat their labour as before. The canal being a quarter of a mile broad, and 300 yards in depth, I thought it sufficient, and immediately let in the waters of the sea. I did imagine that from the rotary motion of the earth on its axis from east to west the sea would be higher on the eastern than the western coast, and that on the uniting of the two seas there would be a strong current from the east, and it happened just as I expected. The sea came in with tremendous magnificence and enlarged the bounds of the canal so as to make a passage of some miles broad from ocean to ocean and make an island of South America. Several sail of trading vessels and men of war sailed through this new channel to the South Seas, China, etc., and saluted me with all their cannon as they passed. I looked through my telescope at the moon and perceived the philosophers there in great commotion. They could plainly discern the alteration on the surface of our globe and thought themselves somehow interested in the enterprise of their fellow mortals in a neighboring planet. They seemed to think it admirable that such little beings, as we men, should attempt so magnificent a performance that would be observable even in a separate world. Thus having wedded the Atlantic Ocean to the South Sea, I returned to England and found, wow-wow, precisely in the very spot, whence she had set out, after having led us a chase all around the world. End of Chapter 32 of Baron Munchausen Read by Dennis Sayers in Modesto, California for LibriVox. Chapter 33 of Baron Munchausen. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Mike Harris. The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Eric Raspé. Chapter No. 33 The Baron goes to Petersburg and converses with the Empress, persuades the Russians and Turks to cease cutting one another's throats, and in concert cut a canal across the Isthmus of Suez. The Baron discovers the Alexandrine Library and meets with Hermes Trismegistus, the seizures Seren Gapatam, and challenges Tipu Sahib to single combat. They fight. The Baron receives some wounds to his face, but at last vanquishes the tyrant. The Baron returns to Europe and raises the hull of the Royal George. Seized with a fury of canal cutting, I took it in my head to form an immediate communication between the Mediterranean and the Red Sea, and therefore set out for Petersburg. The sanguinary ambition of the Empress would not listen to my proposals until I took a private opportunity, taking a cup of coffee with Her Majesty, to tell her that I would absolutely sacrifice myself for the general good of mankind, and if she would accede to my proposals would, on the completion of the canal, ipso facto, give her my hand in marriage. My dear, dear Baron, said she, I accede to everything you please and agree to make peace with the port on the conditions you mention. And added she, rising with all the majesty of the Tsarina, Empress of half the world, be it known to all subjects that we ordain these conditions for such is our royal will and pleasure. I now proceeded to the Isthmus of Suez at the head of a million Russian pioneers, and there united my forces with a million of Turks, armed with shovels and pickaxes. They did not come to cut each other's throat, but for their mutual interest, to facilitate commerce and civilization, and pour all the wealth of India by a new channel into Europe. My brave fellows, said I, consider the immense labour of the Chinese to build their celebrated wall. Think of what superior benefit to mankind is our present undertaking. Persevere and fortune will second your endeavours. It is Manchausen who leads you on, and be convinced of success. Saying these words, I drove my chariot with all my might and my former track, that vestige mentioned by the Baron D'Tott. And when I was advanced considerably, I felt my chariot sinking under me. I attempted to drive on, but the ground, or rather immense vault, giving way. My chariot and all went down precipitately. Stunned by the fall, it was some moments before I could recollect myself. When at length to my amazement, I perceived myself fallen into the Alicandrine Library. Overwhelmed in an ocean of books, thousands of volumes came tumbling on my head amidst the ruins of that part of the vault through which my chariot had descended, and for a time buried my bulls and all beneath a heap of learning. However, I contrived to extricate myself and advanced with awful admiration through the vast avenues of the library. I perceived on every side innumerable volumes and repositories of ancient learning, and all the science of the antediluvian world. Here I met with Hermes Trismegistus and a parcel of old philosophers debating upon the politics and learning of their days. I gave them inexpressible delight in telling them in a few words all the discoveries of Newton and the history of the world since their time. These gentry, on the contrary, told me a thousand stories of antiquity that some of our antiquarians would give their very eyes to hear. In short, I ordered the library to be preserved, and I intend making a present of it, as soon as it arrives in England, to the Royal Society, together with Hermes Trismegistus and half a dozen old philosophers. I've got a beautiful cage made in which I keep these extraordinary creatures and feed them with bread and honey as they seem to believe in a kind of doctrine of transmigration and will not touch flesh.  He'll cut a very brilliant figure in the museum. Having made a track with my chariot from sea to sea, I ordered my Turks and Russians to begin, and in a few hours we had the pleasure of seeing a fleet of British East Indian men in full sail through the canal. The officers of this fleet were very polite and paid me every applause and congratulation my exploits could merit. They told me of their affairs in India and the ferocity of that dreadful warrior, Tipu Sahib, on which I resolved to go to India and encounter the tyrant. I travelled down the Red Sea to Madras and, at the head of a few sepoys and Europeans, pursued the flying army of Tipu to the gates of Serangapatam. I challenged him to mortal combat and, mounted on my steed, rode up to the walls of the fortress amidst a storm of shells and cannonballs. As fast as the bombs and cannonballs came upon me, I caught them in my hands like so many pebbles and, throwing them against the fortress, demolished the strongest ramparts of the place. I took my mark so direct that whenever I aimed a cannonball or a shell at any person on the ramparts I was sure to hit him. And one time perceived a tremendous piece of artillery pointed against me, and knowing the ball must be so great it would certainly stun me, I took a small cannonball, and just as I perceived the engineer going to order them to fire and opening his mouth to give the word of command, I took aim and drove my ball precisely down his throat. Tipu, fearing that all would be lost, that a general and successful storm would ensue if I continued to batter the place, came forth upon his elephant to fight me. I saluted him and insisted he should fire first. Tipu, though a barbarian, was not deficient in politeness and declined the compliment upon which I took off my hat and bowing, told him it was an advantage Munchausen should never be said to accept from so gallant a warrior. On which Tipu instantly discharged his carbine, the ball from which hitting my horses here made him plunge with rage and indignation. In return I discharged my pistol at Tipu and shot off his turban. He had a small field piece mounted with him on his elephant, which he then discharged at me, with a rapeshot coming in a shower, rattled in the laurels that covered and shaded me all over, and remained pendant like berries on the branches. I then, advancing, took the proposcas of his elephant, and turning it against the rider struck him repeatedly with the extremity of it on either side of the head until I at length dismounted him. Nothing could equal the rage of the barbarian finding himself thrown from his elephant. He rose in a fit of despair and rushing against my steed and myself, but I scorned to fight him at so great a disadvantage on his side and directly dismounted to fight him hand to hand. Never did I fight with any man who bore himself more nobly than this adversary. He parried my blows and dealt home his own in return with astonishing precision.  I still bear the mark upon my nose.  He tottered for some paces and dropped at the foot of his elephant. That satious animal, seeing the danger of his master, endeavored to protect him by flourishing his proboscis round the head of the Sultan. Fearless I advanced against the elephant, desirous to take alive the hoday to Pusahi, but he drew a pistol from his belt and discharged it full in my face as I rushed upon him, which did me no further harm than wound my cheekbone, which disfigures me somewhat under my left eye. I could not withstand the rage and impulse of that moment, and with one blow of my sword separated his head from his body. I returned overland from India to Europe with admirable velocity, so that the account of Tipu's defeat by me has not as yet arrived by the ordinary passage, nor can you expect to hear of it for a considerable time. I simply relate the encounter as it happened between the Sultan and me, and if there be any one who doubts the truth of what I say he is an infidel and I will fight him at any time and place and with any weapon he pleases. Hearing so many persons talk about raising the royal George, I began to take pity on that final ruin of British plank and determined to have her up. I was sensible of the failure of the various means hitherto employed for the purpose and therefore inclined to try a method different from any before attempted. I got an immense balloon made of the toughest sail-cloth and having descended in my diving-bell and properly secured the hull with enormous cables, I ascended to the surface and fastened my cables to the balloon. Protigious multitudes were assembled to behold the elevation of the royal George, and as soon as I began to fill my balloon with inflammable air the vessel evidently began to move, but when my balloon was completely filled she carried up the royal George with the greatest rapidity. The vessel appearing on the surface occasion a universal shout of triumph and the millions assembled on the occasion. Still the balloon continued descending, trailing the hull after like a lantern at the tail of a kite, and in a few minutes appeared floating among the clouds. It was then the opinion of many philosophers that it would be more difficult to get her down than it had been to draw her up, but I convinced them to the contrary by taking my aim so exactly with a twelve-pounder that I brought her down in an instant. I considered that if I should break the balloon with a cannonball while she remained with the vessel over the land the fall would inevitably occasion the destruction of the hull and which in its fall might crush some of the multitude. Therefore I thought it safer to take my aim when the balloon was over the sea and pointing my twelve-pounder drove the ball right through the balloon on which the inflammable air rushed out with great force and the royal George descended like a falling star into the very spot from whence she had been taken. There she still remained, and I have convinced all Europe though the possibility of taking her up. End of Chapter 33 Recording by Mike Harris Recording by Troy Bond The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolf Erich Rasp Chapter 34 The Baron makes a speech to the National Assembly and drives out all the members, routes the fish women in the National Guards, pursues the whole route into a church where he defeats the National Assembly with Rousseau, Voltaire and Beelzebub at their head and liberates Marie Antoinette and the royal family. Passing through Switzerland on my return from India, I was informed that several of the German nobility had been deprived of the honors and immunities of their French estates. I heard of the sufferings of the amiable Marie Antoinette and swore to avenge every look that had threatened her with insult. I went to the cavern of these anthropophagy, her several to debate and gracefully putting the hilt of my sword to my lips.  On which the president, taking up a leaden ink stand, flungered at my head. I stooped to avoid the blow and rushing to the tribunal, seized the speaker, who was fulminating against the aristocrats and taking the creature by one leg, flung him at the president. I laid about me most nobly, drove them all out of the house and locking the doors, put the key in my pocket. I then went to the poor king and making my obeisance to him. Sire, I said I, your enemies have all fled. I alone am the national assembly at present and I shall register your edicts to recall the princes and the nobility and in future, if your majesty pleases, I will be your parliament and council. He thanked me and the amiable Marie Antoinette smiling gave me her hand to kiss. At that moment I perceived a party of the national assembly who had rallied with the national guards and a vast procession of fish women advancing against me. I deposited their majesties in a place of safety and with my drawn sword I advanced against my foes. Three hundred fish women with bushes dressed with ribbons in their hands came hallowing and roaring against me like so many furies. I scorned to defile my sword with their blood but seized the first that came up and making her kneel down I knighted her with my sword which so terrified the rest that they all set up a frightful yell and ran away as fast as they could for fear of being aristocratted As to the national guards and the rest of the assembly I soon put them to flight and having made prisoners of some of them compelled them to take down their national and put the old royal cockade in its place. I then pursued the enemy to the top of a hill where a most noble edifice dazzled my sight. Noble and sacred it was but now converted to the vilest purposes their Monument de Grande-Homme a Christian church that these Saracens had perverted into abomination. I burst open the doors and entered sword in hand. Here I observed all the national assembly marching around a great altar erected to Voltaire. There was his statue in triumph and the fish women with garlands decking it and singing I could bear the sight no longer but rushed upon these pagans and sacrificed them dozens on the spot. The members of the assembly and the fish women continued to evoke the great Voltaire in all their masters in this monument de Grande-Homme imploring them to come down and soothe them against the aristocrats and the sword of Munchausen.  I shuddered at the sight and with all the enthusiasm of rage horror and piety rushed in among them. I seized that cursed skeleton Voltaire and soon compelled him to renounce all the errors he had advanced and while he spoke the words as if by magic charm the whole assembly shrieked and the pandemonium began to tumble and hideous ruin on their heads. I returned in triumph to the palace where the queen rushed into my arms weeping tenderly. Ah, as our flower of nobility cried she were in nobles of France like thee, we should have never been brought to this. I bade the lovely creature dry her eyes and with the king and Dauphin ascend my carriage and drive post to Mont-Medis as not an instant was to be lost. They took my advice and drove away. I conveyed them within a few miles of Mont-Medis when the king, thanking me for my assistance, hoped I would not trouble myself any further as he was then presumed out of danger and the queen also with tears in her eyes daked me on her knees and presented the Dauphin for my blessing. In short I left the king eating a mutton chop. I advised him not to delay or he would certainly be taken and setting spirits in my horse wished them a good evening and returned to England. If the king remained too long at table and was taken it was not my fault. End of Chapter 34 End of The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolph Eric Rasp