Back to day four. We had a short little break there about to go just before lunch and Now when you talk about guys that are really inconspicuous and sort of just blend in it's kind of like this next speaker. We got here He's a really fun guy. I've actually seen him in action totally cool very personal guy I know a lot of you have been getting advice from him and One of the speakers that I know a lot of people have been waiting to hear from Former chief instructor or former instructor from me. How I give you guys straight from the West Coast My boy DJ Fuji here we go man All right, can you guys hear me? How's everyone doing? I'm sorry. Someone's whispering to me. I would say how's everyone doing? Outstanding. All right, so first off I want to thank dream for putting this together because it's one of the most well run Just conventions as a whole and I've spoken at the pick up summit I've spoken at a bunch of different things and this one's by far one of the best ones I've seen so round of applause for dream for putting this all together and I want to thank all the other speakers because I've been in the back taking notes just like you guys and Some of the speakers have been giving me just some absolutely amazing content, you know Just in my own game my own development. I see myself as a student, which is why I will talk about this in a little bit I kind of disassociate with that guru mindset So if you guys are gonna ask me at a later point, you know, when did you know you were a guru? That's that's not how I see myself. So Just like just like all of you guys I'm taking notes in the back and I'm furthering my skill set along the same journey. All right, so Not only do I want to thank the speakers though is I want to say thank all of you guys for not only coming out here Supporting the event and taking time out of your schedule But making that that or dedicating yourself to improving your skill set and improving your lives and by association All of the lives of people around you Okay, so today we're gonna talk about something a little bit different and as you've probably guessed by the title of the slide I'm not gonna give you guys a lot of like little techniques or Methodologies or tactics there will be some thrown here and there but primarily what we're gonna talk about today is how to actually get good and There's a somewhat of a little known fact among the community that about 90 95% of guys never get good And no one it never seems to resonate with people it resonates with coaches So all the guys in the back know this but a lot of guys getting into this and I was this I was in your spot as well We're like, oh, you know, it's gonna be really good in six months.  That's sad. So my speech today is hopefully going to change that and that's the whole point of this All right, so Let's look at some of the stuff that we're gonna talk about today All right, first thing why fundamentals trump methods? Everyone wants to learn a method. Everyone wants to learn like the system I did martial arts for 12 years and we always wanted to learn the method. I do the karate I did Shoot fighting like ground fighting and it was always teaching the method the methods great for business Fortunately, the method is not good for overall development. So what I stress is fundamentals over the method So who here's been to the gym who here goes to the gym? Okay, so if you guys been to the gym, you know, there's methods at the gym There's like low rep high weight. It's high weight low rev. There's super sets. There's maxot There's high intensity interval training. There's all these different systems And it's always the same thing as a pickup. It's like what system do I use? Do I use the crazy one the high intensity or the low intensity with one of the body? What builders are using which one do I use and when it comes down to it the guys that get results Don't use one system. What do they do? They learn the fundamentals So we're gonna go with the fundamentals and we're gonna stress the fundamentals over learning an individual methodology Okay, what do you need to learn about workshops? All right, the guys in the back may murder me after this But I'm gonna give you guys the behind-the-scenes look at workshops and more importantly than that I'm gonna teach you guys how to find good trainers now You guys are extremely fortunate here because nearly everyone who's spoken up here is a great trainer And I've seen those guys in field, but there's a lot of other guys There's no certification process and pickup So you can throw up a website and all of a sudden be a teacher all of a sudden be a trainer And if you're just starting out in this sometimes It's really difficult to look at a website and say is this guy legit is because every website says the guy gets laid Right every website says he's gonna change your life in 72 hours So how do you tell the difference between someone who's actually good or more importantly someone who? Actually will be good for what you are where you are at and for your individual path and your journey and Someone who's maybe a waste of time and we're gonna go over that The importance of ten words in three seconds, we're gonna do a quick drill and I'm going to show you guys why ten words and three seconds can make or break your sense We always gotten flaky numbers before you guys never got flaky numbers Damn, that's you guys should be up here teaching actually you should be teaching so flaky numbers are one of those things that we all get right it sucks and You get the number you feel like the man you go home.   I know except when I tell you guys this you're gonna say no shit You'd be like I've already heard that but the big question is not whether you've heard it It's whether you're doing it Okay, so quick ground rules before we start first one leave your egos at the door, okay, and the reason I say this is because The easiest way to absorb new stuff is to leave your ego at the door and that's obvious I want to go one step further and take this actionable and I want all of you guys for the next hour So I want you to do me a favor and I want you to forget everything that you know about pick up social dynamics Male-female relationships everything and this is the same thing that I do when I'm in the back Right when I'm sitting in the back and I'm listening to a speaker sometimes they have a different methodology that I did that I have Like oh topo is a great example gone savage great example Those guys are absolutely amazing and I've learned from those guys, but we have different methodology sometimes But every time I hear them speak I say I know nothing I clear my mind and I absorb everything in and after that then I can integrate those elements to my game But if I put up the barrier first If I put up the wall first, that's when I block things from even coming in Okay, so I want to start you guys to start with that second thing questions I'm fairly pressed for time because this is about a four-hour lecture that we've condensed into about an hour and 45 minutes So on questions, I want you guys to write down your questions because you'll forget them So write them down and at the end we'll have a Q&A and you guys can ask them then and Last thing take notes and I realize most of you guys are taking notes But the crux of what I'm going to talk about today is how to get good and part of getting good part of that process Dedication and so the guys that are taking notes and more importantly the guys that are reviewing their notes Those are the guys that are getting ahead Okay, so moving on some of you guys are probably wondering who I am and Why you should give a shit and some of you guys aren't but I'm gonna tell you anyway. Alright, so it's pretty cliche in this industry I'm sure we've heard it before or a guy's like, you know, I Wasn't always good with women, you know, I didn't start out He's like a seven-foot tall Abercrombie model, right? You're like, I just I wasn't getting results when I was like before all this, right? And then I learned the system right when I say I wasn't actually getting results I meant I sucked like really really bad I wasn't a 40 year old virgin, but I was one step behind him if I hadn't found this I would have been the 40 year old virgin so I started off and I was a 1920 year old virgin which is the going along that same path is that 40 year old and I started off and I was this Super dorky Asian kid. I like I got straight A's and math and everything basically and And I always thought like that this is one of those things where you either had it or you didn't and I was one of the guys that didn't have it and So the whole time, you know, it's different if you know, maybe you just don't know how to escalate But you're popular in school. You're well adjusted. You're kind of one of the cool kids You just don't know how to escalate. So you just fix that one thing and boom, you're the man, right? I was not that guy. I was the guy that I had never held a girl's hand at 20 years old I had never obviously kissed a girl or had sex or anything else I think all of us at some point or another throughout high school had a girl who had a crush on us Even if it was a fat girl, I didn't really have that so I didn't ever really experienced that aspect of it and This this was despite all of the the things that I was doing to try to compensate for that. So I spent an entire 18 years of my life trying to overcompensate For all of the lack of social skills that I had So I thought okay cool. I don't have any game But if I get good grades and I sit at the front the teacher will like me and then maybe the other girls Will like me we all know that doesn't work, right? So then that obviously didn't work. So I thought okay. Well The jocks those are the guys that get girls So if I go and I get into high school and I get into sports get girls So I went into wrestling which is arguably the toughest sport in high school, right? And I lettered varsity. It was like awesome It's like 150 degrees in the summer and I'm wearing my varsity jacket, right? Because I'm like I'm gonna wear this jacket. I'm gonna get girls and didn't happen So I thought okay. Well, maybe it's that you know, it's that I don't have good fashion so I need to I need to amp that up and so I was about to graduate and I decided why I'm gonna go to the Marines. I have a marine uniform, you know And so now how can I not get late?  I've got a marine uniform I'm representing the tip of the spear in terms of the United States military This should be an automatic shoe-in, but it wasn't right and every step of the way I was overcompensating one of the interesting things about the male ego is that it protects you There's a self-protection mechanism. So as unpopular as you can ever be in high school and I figure I was in the top I was in the bottom 5% somewhere around there, right? And the only thing that kept me from the bottom 1% is that I was an athlete And so but I was a needy athlete. I was needy. I didn't have any social skills. I was awkward I didn't know what to talk to people. So it doesn't matter how many accolades you have in other any other area You're still going to be unpopular The interesting thing though is that my ego is telling me no your ego is kind of like your mom actually It's like no matter how unpopular you are. It still loves you, right? It still tells you. I know you're cool No, it's you know, it's not that bad. You're like average.  You're normal But the funny thing about life is that life is the exact opposite And so what life does is life gives you clues Sometimes they're not so subtle that you're not as cool as you think you are so for me The first clue came in eighth grade is a funny story and I probably should post her picture up here But this is going out to the entire world There was this girl in eighth grade and her name was Jamie Chen and I don't even like Asian girls But there was something about her. She was tall and had long legs and had bangs and always wore daisy Dukes to school, right?  I need to make my move I need to do something.  So I decided one day I got mustard up my courage in history like fifth period. They said I'm gonna make my move and I grab my history books I grabbed my yearbook. I walked up to her and I said the whole class stops because the whole class knew at this point Whole class stops and I'm like hey, and she looks up and she's like hi. What's up?   She comes she drops it off and you know, I'm like, thank you and I wait for her to turn around and I like grab it and I open it up and Right on the inside cover not even on the front page at the inside cover. I see a long signature I'm like, oh, this is awesome. It's like half the page, right? And the signature Which looked really really good until I started to read it And I was like wait a minute. This is not what I was expecting and the signature looked a little bit like this Right here. That's a little bit hard to read on the left. So I've Typed it all out on the right and I call it the unfuck your lifelist. She called it I believe words of wisdom, but either way this is the Undying love letter from my biggest crush in eighth grade and it says Darren hey some words of wisdom grow taller get braces Don't start your hair and don't wear your rate. My mom thought it was a good idea You know, so I didn't get my feet wet to wear galoshes over my shoes because I didn't want to catch a cold You know, so I wore rain boots to school Don't lock your backpack brush your teeth In fact, that was so embarrassing that you can see I've actually scratched it out So that nobody who signed it afterward could see it the rest of the list apparently was okay So brush your teeth get a new wardrobe Cut your hair and most importantly, don't take it personally Love your biggest crush so Yeah, that was a little bit about where I came from So clue number two came about like years later, right? So my ego had time to recover from that so clue number two came about After I was already the Marines and I managed to find a girlfriend and someone else up here said the same thing Like they managed to find a girlfriend despite not having any skill by going on the internet Right, so I went on the internet and I knew I didn't have anything going for me But I had like I was good on paper, right? But every time I posted on like whatever match.com one of these sites people automatically filter on heights Like they felt her filter on height and certain things So I wasn't getting anything so what I did is I did a keyword search for girls who had a fetish for short Asian guys If you can imagine how scarce those are, right? But I happened to find one and she was pretty cute and she only lived about 600 miles away, right? And so I was in the Marines and I told my boys.  It just happens, right? So it's like I'm gonna make this girl my girlfriend because there's not any other search results in that Google search She's the only one so I better make her something so I made her my girlfriend for four years She moved in with me. It was cool. I thought we're gonna get married One of the things I didn't realize is that if you don't have these skills You don't have the skills to keep a girl then it doesn't matter if you manage to con her into sleeping with you or if you manage to somehow get Attraction and have her with you because you won't be able to keep her. That's exactly what happened about two three years later I found out she was cheating and so luckily I had the resolve to say hey this is that's done with it but an interesting thing happened because a friend of ours a mutual friend of ours talked to us and He talked to me and he called me up and he said hey Megan's saying like some really funny stuff, and I was like, you know, what's up?   He's like no no Well, she said if he says it's actually really funny because I asked, you know Like how are you are doing and and she's like I feel honestly I feel really sorry for him because he'll never find another girlfriend He's only good on paper.    They're like an eligible bachelor, and I said, oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, man.  I'll talk to you later. I hung up and I cry Why because she was absolutely correct 100% right? I had not been working on myself and I did not have the skills that we're teaching in this community There wasn't even any real community back then But events like this events like this drive you to action and so the moment that I put the phone down I said to myself I Said I'm gonna do whatever it takes to fix this. I Don't care what I have to do. I don't care where I have to go I'm gonna fix this problem because it's the second time this has happened and this is no coincidence I'm gonna do whatever it takes to fix this so I found the community and I went through what we call the pain period Some of you guys are going through that right now. Okay, and it's that period where you're Just getting started in this and maybe you're synthetic like me, which is a non-natural and You're not getting the results that you want. You're putting a lot of effort into this Arnold in The book he wrote Arnold Schwarzenegger talked about the pain period and how every athlete has to go through that pain period And if he doesn't then he what happens he drops off and it's the reason I see in Tyler And I talked about this we see about 80% of community guys Drop out in the first six months. I'm sure those of you guys have been around a while You've seen the same thing and it's unfortunate But it's because those guys are not willing to go through the pain period that pain period is absolutely necessary So for me that period meant six months of going out six days a week opening 20 to 30 sets and getting blown out of 20 to 30 sets It meant going out and massively pushing yourself it meant going out and risking rejection every night Just like you guys do and going and taking it to the extreme It was so bad at one point that one of my natural wings said why do you do this? Why do you like keep doing this you just got blown out of eight sets in a row? I've watched like why are you not crying in a corner, and I said because three months ago I Couldn't even walk up to her and six months ago. I couldn't even entertain the thought of walking up to her So while that set may not have hooked Every when I look back on who I used to be I can see progression, and that's what drives me forward So let's look at some of the stuff that I want to talk to you guys about today Actually step back for a minute After we went through the pain period right and at some point all of us will get through that period You just have to be really really dedicated to drive through that and at some point once I got through that I started getting more results I got recruited to me how ink and that's how most of you guys know me and for the next two or so years I was a cheap instructor for me how I did all the live training I did all the boot camps. I did all the continuity all the long-term training and all the instructor training and the great part about this is every stage of my life there was growth in a different area and in this part this Air this area of growth was about teaching and don't let anyone ever tell you that if you're good at pickup You can be a good coach. This is not true. They're two distinct skill sets And even if you're the best guy in the world that pick up you can be the most awful coach Karim Abdul-Jabbar arguably one of the best basketball players of all time is really not a coach at all Nobody will even let him be a coach in fact for the most for the biggest part of the last 40 some years No one's even let him be a commentator on sports Very rarely is a commentator because he's awful at anything other than playing the game So it was the same thing at this point right here. I actually learned I went right back to basics I said wow and newbie again. I went back to basics and I learned how to be an instructor And at that point just like I asked all of you guys to do and pushing your comfort zone I realized now is the time to push my own comfort zone now is the time to step forward into the unknown and go Do my own thing. It was the right time. So that's when I found it the dial fugee so that's a little bit about where I am and Where I came from my background my training philosophy revolves around live training and revolves around the fact that fundamentals are what's important not individual tactics or methodologies because like I Told Mike the other day When you have the fundamentals state doesn't matter How many of us are state dependent or used to be state dependent? How many of us if we're not in good state shit sucks, right? If you have fundamentals, okay, what state does it just smooths out all of your sub communication So yeah, if you have great state all of a sudden you stop leaning in all of a sudden you're funny all of a sudden You're joking around but if you don't have those fundamentals to begin with Then all you're doing is relying on state to correct bad habits Imagine you're playing basketball and you're on fire and when you're on fire you can dribble But when you're not on fire, you can't dribble So every time you're in state you can do amazing basketball, but every time you're not you can't do anything That's what it's like for most guys and pick up So when you focus on the fundamentals state doesn't make a difference if you're in bad state good state all it is is a tiny boost Make sense All right, the formula for success Actually went one ahead. I call it date DT&E who can tell me what to think D is No, you don't count someone else sort of No Okay, these three factors right here Guarantee success if you do them and once I tell you what they are you're gonna be like oh, I've heard of that before But I ask you how many of you guys are actually doing that and that's what we're gonna focus on so what is D? Someone someone take a chance Discipline bingo, so D is discipline not that kind of discipline actually That kind of discipline Okay, and discipline who can tell me what they think discipline means to Part of it. What else it's part of it, too What else that's more of the third one we're gonna talk about That's part of it. Okay discipline is doing what's necessary to get the job done even when you don't want to do it Discipline encompasses preparation Okay, every time I stand up here ask how many guys go out with an index card with three things written on an index card And those three things are the things they're gonna work on that night and I'll be lucky if one person raises their hand How many guys that are synthetics are non-naturals have an established stack that they go out with Have a completely written out stack they're going out with in order to automate their verbals again I'll be lucky if one person raises their hand This preparation is key Sun Tzu in the art of war said that every battle is won or lost before it's ever fought Discipline encompasses that preparation and encompasses doing all the things that you know you should do but no one actually does Okay, discipline like this guy is going to the gym when he doesn't want to go Discipline means going out in the field when you're tired when you don't feel like it When you know you should to work on a skill set, but you're just you're in a bad mood You don't feel like going out. It means going out anyway. It's consistency with you guys are saying right So discipline is one of the key components of getting good And if you don't have that and we all know we all can look inward and ask ourselves Are we giving it a hundred percent if you don't have that start working on that because without discipline everything else falls apart Without discipline all you're relying on is talent And I don't know about you guys, but I didn't have a lot of talent growing up I could not rely on talent talent was something that I had to put on the back burner and instill discipline in order to actually get results All right, second thing who thinks they know what T stands for so I'm gonna take a guess training Training is important. It's critically important and we know this in every other field, but this one So if you're learning martial arts and you tell your dad hey I'm gonna learn how to defend myself so I'm gonna learn martial arts and he's like cool Like what are you gonna do?  It says be yourself Says if you don't have it, that's too bad. You'll never have it and just be yourself and live in mediocrity It's just it's cool You'll find someone in your own social class in your own area and you'll be happy and that's the end of that And we all know that better than that. We all know that there is a way to get better There is a way to improve Okay, and that way is through training and that's not necessarily training through a coach That's having mentors a lot of the guys in the back of this room are my mentors a Lot of the guys that have presented here gone savage is the first guy I took a bootcamp with a Lot of the guys here are guys that I trained with guys that got me better And a lot of guys were naturals that got me better A lot of guys were guys in the community that I went out with but I took advantage of all the guys that were better than me And all the guys that were on the same level or maybe weren't as good as me But I learned something from each and every one of those guys Okay, training encompasses learning things from everybody and it encompasses especially Learning things and going out and finding guys that are better than you a great way Obviously and what I do is to take training from somebody and it could be me it could be one of these guys It could be someone that you trust but taking training will knock off a good six to twelve months off your learning curve And I don't know about you guys, but six to twelve months off my learning curve. That's worth it That's worth the small thing that I got to pay to put in some overtime All right. Now the third thing you can tell me what E stands for We're gonna back up one actually because I'm gonna give you guys on training. I'm gonna give you guys Some guidelines on how to find training Because I never got this when I was starting out and that's the one thing I wanted It's like how do I find a guy that I want to train with? Besides just googling it. How do I find a guy that I actually trust so this is what I found by the school of hard knocks What to look for okay? What to look for in coaching and training no one ever told me this no one ever teaches this maybe for a good reason But what to look for in coaches case of the first thing is read the reviews Don't take training just because you feel like it just because that's the first guy It's like buying a house because that's the first one you looked at read the reviews Just like if you make a humongous purchase you do some research in advance Read the reviews good and bad get a feel for this guy's style Maybe a style is not conducive to you if you know you're a guy that cannot take criticism You can't take harsh criticism and you read the reviews on a coach Say you read the reviews on me and I yell at guys and you know you're gonna crumble under that Well, then that's not maybe not necessarily a good fit. So read the reviews. Make sure you know what you're getting into Make sure that they have a refund policy Make sure that there's a satisfaction guarantee because if they don't have that in my opinion, I wouldn't even go with them Any coach worth his salt knows that is confident enough in his abilities to say if you're unhappy for whatever reason Here's your money back and if he's not confident in doing that, then he's probably gotten too many refund requests All right, make sure that they stick with students when you're actually in field If you have a coach that runs off and starts his own sets, it's no good, right? You're not paying for that guy to go off and start his own sets unless he's specifically showing you something You're paying for that guy to stick with students. You're paying for that guy to train you So make sure he doesn't do that. Don't I realize that coaches a lot of times have a strong frame So when you bring that up, they're gonna be like, well, this is my frame and whatever, right? Don't take that let them know you're unhappy request refunds if that's what you have to do All right, make sure that your coach is willing to demo He's telling you what to do and you're not getting it and you're saying I don't see I don't I can't figure out how to do that And you ask him and you ask him to demo make sure that he's willing to do that if he won't demo. There's a problem there Make sure that your coach still working on himself Make sure that he's along the same journey that he's not just faking the funk that he's on the same path that you are That he's working on himself and that he knows his own sticking points Make sure that he doesn't get drunk and a lot of the seems self-explanatory a lot of the seems like well No shit, I'm sure he doesn't get drunk.  I don't get drunk at work. You guys get drunk at work Okay, what you do you get drunk at work?  Don't put up with that. All right Make sure you get a debrief at the end of the night If you want to be successful by taking coaching at the end of the night You need a debrief to know what you need to work on what are your strengths? What are your weaknesses and what do you want to how do you want to address those weaknesses? How are you gonna get better? Okay, and if the coach is willing to do that if he's not doing that then ask him for that Ask him for a debrief. What did you see that I was doing right that I was doing wrong? How can I work on that stuff? How can I get better at that stuff?  All right any questions on this Okay, last one execution How am I doing on time guys? Time good. All right. Okay, so execution Execution is actually getting out there and doing it. All right.  Hey, what are you working on man? Oh, I don't know man. I'm just gonna do my thing. I'm gonna open some sets and I'm gonna I'm gonna try to just you know get laid But most guys do in the community. That's why most guys don't get results Make sure that you have specific goals when you go out, you know, that's Preparation when we go to training and you have training and you start working on your sticking points Finally execution is the third piece of the puzzle with execution. You have to actually be doing it You have to actually be pushing your comfort zone. You have to get out there and open and escalate Go into comfort escalate the interaction Kino escalate close pull the trigger any one of these key points in discipline training and execution you miss any one of these key points and they'll drag the Other ones down so execution is going out there. We all know guys that read and study and do a lot of stuff But when they get out there, they don't do it. They don't get out there and push themselves if you're not uncomfortable when you go and field Constantly, then it means you're not growing the growth process comes with execution All right, any questions before you move on? All right, let's talk about some pitfalls to avoid and then we'll do some exercises after that All right, so common pitfalls that you guys are either falling into right now and possibly not aware of Or pitfalls where you may be falling into these in the future First one not being well-rounded This is a big big thing at the beginning and pick up all of us thought that we this is what we could do We thought that I can be a lame guy I can be just myself and everything that that I was for the last 18 20 30 years But if I learn these routines if I learn these lines Then I'm gonna get attraction and then I learned these lines to how to qualify Then I learned these lines on how to do comfort and then I'm gonna get the girl Now all I have to do is learn these techniques and it'll be fine Now today, hopefully we know a little bit better today We know that getting the girl or getting results in this is much more than learning the lines or learning the tactics Today getting the girl or getting results in this is about being well-rounded It's about being attractive as a whole as a person and a lot of guys aren't well-rounded because they don't work on the individual facets of themselves, you know sin once said that When you look at an attractive man, there are three elements to that attractive guy There's his outer game Like his tactical ability does he know what to do does he know when and how to do it or how when and how to say it There's his inner game his beliefs about himself his self-esteem his sense of confidence and there's his lifestyle It's what kind of life does he live does he live a life that draws people into it? Does he live a life that women want to be a part of a world and a reality that women want to be a part of? those are those three main facets and If any one of those facets are missing just like our DT&E it'll drag the other ones down So I want you guys to think about it I want you guys to look and say what am I working on am I working on all three of those things Because if you're not those things are dragging the other two behind or they're dragging the other one behind So not being well-rounded is a very very key concept Not working on yourself.  Everyone looks at him and say yeah You say that guy spent an extraordinary amount of time working on himself Then I point out that girl and I point out the hot girl all the guys around her say You know how much time and effort that girl has spent putting into herself to make herself attractive Probably a same or more than that guy Now we look at most guys in the club. Look at that guy standing there holding his beer like this in the corner You know how much time he spent putting into himself very little a lot of what makes us attractive It's not only the process of working on ourselves But the actual results involved in actually going forward and working on ourselves. I won't go almost that man fine Okay. All right, so make sure that you're working on yourself overall Make sure that you have fun hobbies. Make sure that you have a great lifestyle Make sure that you're working on your belief systems Make sure that you're working on the things that you do you're having an interesting life work on yourself as a whole That means all of us should have a bucket list If you don't have a bucket list if you don't have a list of things that you want to do before you die Then you need to make one a Lot of us don't sit down and say what are my goals in life Not just to pick up. What are my goals financially? What are my goals in personal development? What are my goals just in life in general? What are my goals in relationships or it may be in family or? An internal development most of us don't have that list if you don't have that list How are you going to actually go about achieving those goals? Go home and write down those things go home and make those lists and every week you look at that list Then you say what am I doing to address these things? Okay, this is the process of growth and this is the process of getting better All right one more and then we'll break Next one being dogmatic in the community just like martial arts a lot of people want to buy into a system a Lot of people want to buy into an idea that this is the one true way. It's the big fallacy Nick Savoy once told me about the fallacy the one true way that this is the only way to get results And this is the most effective way, and this is the one method that will solve everything My idea is don't be dogmatic about your method Don't be dogmatic about what you do. Don't be dogmatic about your beliefs And I know this first-hand experience you ever guys ever look at the old boards from like 0506 you ever see my name I'll be I'll be talking about mystery method like it's the next coming of Christ Okay, because I did mystery method for two and a half years. That's all I did and I was hardcore mystery method I could teach mystery method. I knew every I read the Venusian art handbook like eight times back to back I knew everything there was to know about mystery method and I remain completely dogmatic until two and a half years past And I realized all of the weaknesses of any given method if you focus in on that method and don't do anything else You will then succumb to those weaknesses, and I realized in methods like in methods like indirect They don't teach dominance. So guess what I don't have. I don't have any dominance I have no idea how to be dominant. I have no idea how to approach directs I have no idea how to convey sexuality again.  Let's break for lunch guys All right guys welcome back from lunch We're gonna continue right where we left off with pitfalls to avoid again to recap the a lot of these things The sit the same types of problems same types of pitfalls most people will fall into it's why it's so easy to predict What sticking points are gonna be so by going over these things? Hopefully when you reach them or if you've already reached them or you're already feeling you're only experiencing these things You're gonna see them and say okay. This is what I'm experiencing and this is how to fix it All right, so we left off on being dogmatic the next thing is your ego and over inflated standards So the funny thing about ego is that it's a scapegoat in the community You've noticed that like anytime anything goes wrong.  No, who's the only guy who only does 10s. I will only do a 10 No versions Versions are the only ones that have that ridiculous standard and you're like why how do you?  Why do you have such high standards? And it's because they're tying their ego their self-concept with an external source which in this case is the girls right so say for example that For the for the lack of a bitter term that you've slept with a hundred girls, right? Hundred and first comes around and she's seven. She's cute. You like her you're into her You connect with her and you sleep with her, right? That hundred and first girl you don't see as reflecting upon you or your self-worth That's just you made a connection. You like the girl. She likes you. It happens. That's a natural part being human now say for example that you're a virgin and you're 25 and you obviously never slept with a girl and you see a six and You're talking to her and you're connecting But then it comes time down to escalating and you say well if I sleep with her and I'm a virgin Well, then I'm the type of guy who only closes sixes That's all you've got and no, no, no, I'm a guy with standards. I don't close sixes So forget it. No, no, no, I only close tens. I'm not I'm not gonna do it So he remains a virgin and he remains a virgin because of his overinflated standards So what I want you guys to do is release your ego From the girls that you're meeting Okay, when we go out, it's very easy to attach those things together But when you release them all of a sudden you're that natural and the reason the natural doesn't care is because if a Girl is not everyone else's idea of a 10 It doesn't bother him. He does not derive his own sense of self-worth From the beauty or what other people consider to be the beauty of the girl that he's with he is who he is and What other everyone else thinks about him is inconsequential And that's a really really key point because when you're going out You should be going out to focus on the process of getting good if you go out focusing on the outcome then you're doing the classic mistake of Pennywise pound foolish you're focusing on the short term and the long term you're sacrificing your own developments So this is the next thing focusing on outcome This is one of those things we've all probably heard at one time or another and I would come independence most of us have heard this Mysteries is a big proponent of this But very few of us actually do it and I have to constantly time and time remind myself and remind my students That you're focusing on the process not the outcome I know that sounds simple, but picture the scenario you're out in field and you see a Four you see a girl that you not sexually attracted to and there's all guys around you're in the venue Probably like last night at I bar any of you guys were there Where there's just all guys around right or there's all Whatever there's no sets right and there's a four there and you can either hang with your friends or you can start as the four And you think well, I would never do her. Why would I even bother?  Why would I bother because I'm having more fun with my friends And then I ask you are you at the bar? To get the girl or you at the bar to get the skill And if you're at the bar to get the skill go home call a hooker and have her come over and you will have the girl It's guaranteed. You're there to get the skill and you're there to get the skill over almost anything else And if you go to the bar Specifically with that goal in mind of having the skill of acquiring the skill Then you'll sacrifice all the short-term bullshit in order to develop the long-term skill It's like the thing of the guide the fisherman right teaching a guide of fish versus giving him a fish You want to learn how to fish you don't want to just continually be buying fish You want to learn that skill set so by focusing on the process Instead of focusing on the outcome you kill a few birds with one stone One you always make sure that you're you're furthering the process You're furthering the learning process The second thing is that you don't telegraph neediness if you go to the bar and you think I want to get laid I'm going to the bar to get laid. I'm going to pick up a girl. I'm going to meet somebody What are you telegraphing?   He's like hey, man. You know, I'm just I'm down on my look I need some spirits. You're like I knew that was coming Why did you know that was coming?   He's not here to have fun or hero to whatever. He's here to meet somebody He's here because he's needy. He's here to get laid and that's the problem so both of those things come you know they come together and When you focus on the process versus the outcome you knock out both of those stones or both of those birds with one stone Does that make sense to you guys? All right Next one guru worship. This one's a fun one There's a lot of guru worship in this industry and some people have talked about it and it's a pretty Standard thing, you know anytime you have an industry where there's industry leaders or there's you know people that That are teaching or doing whatever there's an automatic thing of worship if any of you guys knew me like back in the day Like savage can attest to this. I was like the man of guru worship. I worshiped everybody. I just that was what I did and What I eventually learned is that it holds back your development So independent of it obviously being lame it holds back your own development and I'm obviously a big proponent of stressing overall progress and development This is a result So the reason the guru worship The reason that it holds you back overall is because when you look up at a guru or whatever supposed to be a guru They're like, oh that guy's guru. He's a coach. He's an instructor.  There was a dork who couldn't get late at 20 That's not me. I'm a God and I've always been that way and I'm cut from a different cloth And I don't when I get pricked. I don't breathe. I don't bleed right. I'm a different person That's the problem with the guru thing is it disassociates Don't ever buy into the idea that anybody on this stage or anybody that you might learn from whether pickup Or otherwise is different than you guys. We are all the same people We have the same experiences I'm sure a lot of you guys can relate to my story because we have the same types of things We're all human and the only thing that separates someone who's standing on this stage from someone who's sitting in the chair Is a few thousand approaches. That's it. It's not a master skill set. It's not an instinct. It's not any of that crap it's a few thousand approaches and As psych pointed out yesterday or a couple days ago when you get those approaches down You go from a guy sitting in the audience to a guy speaking here and hopefully giving back Hopefully giving back and and talking about the things that you've learned along your way to help the other guys coming up But it hasn't been long since all of us on stage.  Don't fall into it There are guys that are better than you just like I look up to guys that are my mentors financially Right and I might seek their advice, but I keep in mind that we are all people and That on an intrinsic level these people are no different than I am they just have more experience financially or in business or in other things and then pick up It's the same way just because we all value the skill of meeting women and being able to attract women Doesn't mean that a guy who's better at it is worth any more than anyone else in this room Does that make sense to you guys? Okay, let's continue All right, so let's talk about tactical sticking points Okay, so this is the stuff that we're actually doing in field. We talked about concepts a little bit This is the stuff what's actually going on in field that a lot of guys are doing the same thing over and over I'd say these next say five or six sticking points are things that everyone is going to experience at some time or another So the first one stalling too many questions. How many people here have stalled and set? Almost all of us right? It's a really really common thing because you're going up to someone and in reality What are you doing? You're going up and you're presenting a speech You're doing public speaking on some level right?  You're approaching people who not not necessarily Want to meet you right up front and you're talking that's all it is a one set is no different than me being up here and talking to A hundred said it's the same thing. It's the same general concepts And so if you're experiencing it like being in set and stalling a lot or Asking too many questions the easiest way to fix this now you can fix this from the inside out as gone savage You're talking right or you can fix it from the outside in Okay, if you focus it if you fix it from the inside out and I'm not saying one way is any necessarily any better than the other But it's easier and faster to go outside in it's like how do you get confidence? Okay, you can get confidence by telling yourself you're confident and by doing positive affirmations and by working on yourself Spiritually and doing all this other stuff or you can just face your fears You can face your fears and become confident because your life experiences reflect a confident guy It's a much faster path So with if you're stalling and you're asking too many questions one of the easiest ways to fix that is to automate your Verbals You're stalling because you run out of things to say because you just don't know what to say you're freezing up automate your verbals Have something to say before you go in remember preparation, right the discipline the D and T and D T and E Make sure that you go in with a game plan It'd be like if I walked up here and got on stage didn't know much about pickup Got up here and tried to talk without a game plan without anything prepared. I walk up and be like Hey, I don't know what to talk about you guys have anything I would have no idea right not only would that cause a ton of approach anxiety because I was unprepared But I'd walk in and stall Exactly the way we all have done in set when you automate your verbals You know and you're going that you're going in with a game plan You know that you're going and you're like, you know, maybe I don't have my body language nailed down Maybe I don't have some of the stuff nailed down. I don't care about what to say because I already know it's all up here It's all already up here It's all already on autopilot and while my brain or while my mouth is moving on autopilot My brain can be thinking about everything else You guys lean in a lot the easiest way to fix leaning in is to start thinking about not leaning in Now the problem is that you can't think about that and think about what do I say next the same time?  So if you're constantly worrying about what to say next Nothing else you'll you won't put a focus on anything else in that interaction So you automate your verbals if you guys aren't naturals if you're synthetics like me Then you want to stack it doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a rigid crazy stack And it's got to like do with an opener and then an attraction routine or whatever But you want to prepare some sort of material in advance the best stand-up comics the guys who can get on stage and Riff off of the entire audience still go up with a game plan It's not necessarily a rigid thing that I have to follow every time But it is a general game plan and guys just starting out they go in with a more structured game plan But nobody gets on stage for the first time and says I'm not gonna go with anything I'm just gonna hope that a miracle happens when I get on stage It doesn't work that way. Make sure that you prepare that stuff in advance I'm not saying you're gonna do this for the entire time for as long as you're in pickup You're gonna do this but it is a training wheel like anything else and it helps you along that path If you're asking too many questions the same thing Why do people ask questions? To keep the conversation going Why are you trying to keep the conversation going because you want to talk to her and you don't have anything interesting to say? right now obviously there is There's tactics and things you can do there's exercises you can do to free associate and that's definitely a Important thing to learn but at its core the easiest way to fix that too many questions stalling thing is to automate your Verbal so you don't have to think about it. Remember that verbals what you say the words are 7% of total communication that means the other 90 93% is Everything not to do with your words. It's your tonality your body language all other stuff So if we're looking at what's important in the interaction, it's not the words that you say so you might as well automate that Just like business you might as well automate the unimportant stuff so that you can actually focus on calibration Calibration is so hard because we can't focus on calibration and what to say at the same time Make sense All right No, Kino. It's a big thing. This is a thing is the sticking point all of these sticking points have come from my own developments They've all come from things that I've screwed up before okay And no Kino was a thing that was always a problem because guys would come in and they'd be like hey When it's Kino gonna get here. She's gonna get here anytime soon tell her she should show up Right my wings trying to let me know Kino more or I had instructors say hey just Kino more just Kino more But nobody ever told me how And I was like well that's cool, but that's like telling a blind man to just see no No, dude, just just open your eyes and see just not that easy right if no one tells you how to Kino you're just Hey What's up? How are you you don't know how it's just awkward and you feel that awkwardness so you hesitate The easiest way to start Kino is to Kino right off the opener as Soon as you open touch her on the shoulder or on the on the arm right here Just a quick tap right on the opener because from that point forward you've established the momentum We've all been at this point where we see the cute girl Like not even in a club say at the beach right and we walk up and we sit down right next to her And we think about okay How am I gonna open and then we think for like 20 minutes by the time it comes time for you to actually open her She realizes you've been sitting over there for 20 minutes like thinking about something Then all of a sudden you open her and you're super nervous because you've been thinking about it for 20 minutes You've been contemplating. What's the perfect opener? Whereas if you threw your blanket down you lay down you're like hey, what's up all of a sudden you've broken that all at once And it's the same thing with getting Kino started right you open the set with Kino and From that point on the Kino is natural the Kino is like everything that you do after that is you're a touchy-feely guy Whereas if you open and talk for 10 minutes don't touch her at all the moment you touch her after that It's always gonna be a big move Because you went from nothing for 10 minutes to then trying to touch her and then it's weird We've all been there. Okay, so Kino right on the open. We're gonna do an exercise on this in a little bit Not qualifying or escalating Okay, I guarantee you 99% of this room is not qualifying correctly who can give me a definition for for qualification No question or No Those are elements of qualification and they're important elements, but they are not the crux of qualification Exactly right you cheated. I told you that last night All right Qualification the crux of qualification is telling her why you like her for more than her looks now There are other elements to that they're screening right there's releasing. There's all these other things, too There's investment, but the main thing remember back remember back in the Venusian art handbook when mystery first broke down They the basic interaction that all of us are basing our stuff off of and he said there's attraction comfort introduction He said in attraction you have female to male interest and then you have male to female interest Male to female interest not screening not asking her what does she have going for her besides her looks Not asking her if she can cook male to female interest Qualification is hitting on her and the biggest problem that I had with indirect is that they didn't stress that enough and so entire Methods were created to compensate for the fact that guys going indirect did not know how to show interest And it was the biggest sticking point all of us in MM all of us and indirect had we did not know how to show interest so with qualification most guys qualify like this and It's probably resonate with all you guys because it definitely resonates with what I used to do they say hey So are you fun? She's like yes. You're like cool.   I'm going to get my my master's degree and I'm a really good friend and Rate as she's invested. What does 99% of the community do? Cool. Oh, yeah, so yeah, I'm a really good friend, too. Yeah. Yeah, so the other day I was out Did you show any interest there any at all if the quick asset test that I told my guys is if you think you've qualified and you go to the bathroom and I sit down next to her girl and I say hey I'm a John's friend. Why does he like you? She doesn't immediately know and she can immediately recite why you like her you didn't qualify At all you just completely skip that and the interesting thing about qualification is that it's one of the few steps that you can't skip in the interaction Now there's obviously always exceptions, but for the most part you can't skip that and If you try to even if you're an advanced guy, you try to once I you try to it comes back to haunt you If you don't qualify, how many of us have already gotten this right? We take her home, and we're doing really well and or escalating this in the bedroom, and it's like do it It's on and she's like oh it hold on slow down. Why do you like me? She ever asked that that means you didn't qualify you didn't tell her I like you and this is why Now it's a little bit more sophisticated than those words But if you have to do that then that's what you got to do because you have to let her know You actually like her and the vast majority of guys don't do that Okay, what's your question? Okay, what would you say just just on this? Qualifying part what would you say about overdoing qualifying?  With qualifying yeah, I have broken down qualification into a four-step submodel because he just because I think linearly right I think very logically and Like it was the easiest way to go about it with me you qualify until she becomes uncomfortable then you release That's pretty much it in a nutshell. That's what it is She likes you You start to show her interest and you start to show her progressively more interest the more interest she shows you She shouldn't have to throw herself at you before you start to say oh you're kind of cool Right it should be a gradual mutual seduction So she starts to show interest in you you start to show interest in her now for looking at this from a Tactical from a really technical standpoint all that's really going on is she's throwing IOIs at you.  She's uncomfortable to step back Same thing with Kino you touch a little bit too much. She's uncomfortable step back. That's it make sense. Perfect. All right Okay, so with qualifying I would say this is the biggest thinking point in the community for guys that can approach for guys that are approaching and they're Getting numbers they're getting some attraction. This is the biggest thinking point No one ever qualifies and it's because most people don't know what qualification is and when they finally figured out it dawns on them Right someone here just got a lay from that so you just told me on the break Okay, because they finally started showing interest in the girl. Most guys don't do that All right, I'll give you guys a few really quick ways of doing that Okay, my favorite way is going very very simple.  Are you adventurous? Whatever you throw a few screening questions in there, right? She says yes, she qualifies herself. You start to show more and more interest the easiest way that I really solidify Qualification is I lock lock in right who doesn't know what locking in this anyone?   What do you think?  It's super crazy It's simply telling her and you can do this in your own words telling her that you like her My way in camouflage. He says I have a crush on you. He's I have a confession to make Same structure right locking in grab by the belt loops pull her in I have a confession to make She says what is it?  He was telling me a couple times that he got sloppy because he got drunk He didn't qualify. He's like I'm Savoy. I can do that. Whatever. I don't need that and then in the bedroom Why do you like me?  It always comes back to bite you. Okay, so make sure you qualify Okay escalation same thing right most guys don't escalate when I say escalate there's two types of escalation I'm talking about a lot of us think escalation is just keynote escalate But there's interaction escalation The escalation of where the entire interaction is going and keynote obviously is going to follow that so at the beginning your keynote It's going to be playful. It's going to be platonic and as you get further along a keynote is going to get more sexual It's going to give more flirty But the interaction escalation is what a lot of guys don't see so they open and what do they do?   That's why you don't want to stay in attraction forever That's why you don't want to stay even in comfort forever. You stay in comfort and you don't escalate same thing You stay in the opening phase the same thing you want to be constantly pushing the interaction to see where you can take it and Push the envelope go further than you think you can last night Adana said he said go out and keynote So much you get slapped in the face Because you know what selly had said he said only those who go too far can possibly find out how far one can go And it is absolutely true if you don't push the line You'll never figure out where the limit is and most of us think the limits right here So we just shy away from that we're like, oh no the limits right there. I can't pass that I can't go That's the the line right there and then when you lift the curtain guess what the limits over there The limit is way way down there Does that make sense to you guys? alright false ejecting Who knows what false ejecting is Even if there's a good reason for you to leave The only good reasons to leave are a she asks you to leave. Hey, please leave B security comes See I pull you out of set D.  She's looking away She's doing everything possible to tell you to leave but she doesn't walk away.  I don't want to be here She's showing me disinterest and you push it and guess what that was all just a facade That was all just her playing hard to get.  Whatever. There's a lot of different reasons for that Do not false eject stay in every set if Worst comes to worst worst case scenario is you stay in and you don't get anywhere You just escalate and she finally walks away.  You built the resistance to social pressure All of a sudden all this social pressure on you to eject everyone's feeling it You're feeling it the most because she's throwing you all this disinterest. You're feeling all that stuff But you ignore it.  You know what happens everyone looks Everyone turns to look and the first time I experienced that I didn't have hair like that But I walked into a club in Vegas and I was screwing off my guy friends and I decided to wear one of those Vietnamese farmer hats I thought that'd be funny and it was it was hilarious because I was wearing that he was wearing a cowboy hat So we go to the hottest club in Vegas the time and we walk in and I was remembered I was going through my experimentation like fashion phase So I literally walk in with a Michael Jackson jacket that hat and five inch platform boots on Right. I'm not sure if they thought I was a celebrity or a freak or maybe both But needless to say any time I walked anywhere people were like boom You're like what the hell is that? Right, some people would laugh and then they'd see that I was Asian and they'd be like I don't offend him What if that's a what that's like a real hats with like he's he's from Vietnam I don't want to offend him and then I'd smile then they'd laugh, right? But that was the first experience I got with massive social pressure because everybody looks at you no matter where you go and the more I did that and The more I exposed myself to social pressure by not ejecting by peacocking by doing all these things that are extending my growth or that are Contributing to personal growth the more I did that the more I didn't care anymore And that's why I can walk around during the day with an eight inch mohawk on my head because I don't care what other people think Because I'm so exposed to it. I'm so overexposed to it It's like once you've approached 5,000 sets you don't care if a set doesn't hook anymore. It's like, okay next whatever Maybe I'll learn something from that, but it doesn't bother you because you've done it so many times Remember kickboxer when he's kicking that tree It's getting that tree like a thousand times. We did that in the Marines that should sucks that we kicked each other's shins You know why you do that? See you dead in the nerves in your leg Then when you actually get into a tournament or whatever you get into the real thing You kick and you connect with someone's shin right here. He's hobbling or on the ground And you didn't feel it because the nerves are dead. It's the exact same thing pick up You want to dead in certain nerves and so social pressure is one of those nerves. That's why we don't false eject And of course the other reason is that a lot of times it's not time to false eject a lot of times There are things that you're not aware of and if you push every interaction You're gonna maximize your growth and you're gonna maximize your lays as well flaky numbers All right This is a sticking point for me for like a year Hated flaky numbers So you call the girl up you think it's on you're so happy because you got a number and she doesn't pick up She's gonna call you back nothing going on right and I'd say there's about 5% So five out of a hundred numbers you get there's gonna be some circumstance outside of your control get there 95% You can control that this is how you get rid of flaky numbers for all or about 95% of flaky numbers You don't ask for the number and I know you're like all right That's fucking bullshit because then I'm just not gonna get any numbers But you engineer it in a way where she has to get say take my number And if she doesn't say that she wouldn't have picked up the phone So you just save yourself a lot of time right so the way we do this is we time bridge I know that's not a new concept, but most guys aren't doing that Vastment or they're doing the whole like hey, this was a very interesting conversation How do I take steps to ensure that we have another conversation?  She's like What I was like, I don't know.  And I was like well, you know mystery says Okay, that's a really weird way of going about that Okay, anything that you do in interaction that seems weird to you whether a guru endorses it or not Anything seems weird and you try it out in fields and it is weird and y'all your friends are like, what are you doing? It probably is weird. There probably isn't any like secret formula. It's probably strange Okay, so the way we do we go about flaky numbers when we get rid of the flaky numbers is We start off by instead of asking for number we talk about something that we're doing in our life Talk about the crazy barbecue that we're having we talk about this event that you're doing with your friends The party that you're throwing Something interesting going on. Hey, my friends and I were going to whatever, right? There's an art gallery exhibit And it's oh, it's a there's a there's a an exhibit opening We're going to that or something next week or you know, my friend Susan is actually I'm helping her We're throwing a dinner party because our parents always do dinner parties and our generation doesn't and it's something It's really cool, right?  She's gonna say that sounds amazing if she's not comfortable with you This is how you build calibration by the way if she's not comfortable with you. She's gonna be like oh cool And then you know she wouldn't fix the phone She probably would have given you her number You know why because states up because it's a bar because you're talking to her for a while because it's really awkward for her to Say no Right, so I know we've all been in the situation to where we're at an event and a guy asked for our number And we don't want to give it to him Right, it's really awkward for us to say no it could be it could be in one of these conventions We're guys like hey man, we should go out and you're just you don't want to hang out with them, right? It's really awkward to say no so a lot of times we just give it to them girls feel that ten times over So when you ask for the number unless she has a very good reason to say no, she's gonna pull one of those like oh Okay Well, she's gonna be like oh, let me take yours Or oh, you know come to the club and I'll be here again and The girls that have the weaker frames they'll just give it to you and then you know it's gonna do there's not gonna pick up the phone That's what leads to flakes Right, so instead now obviously there's prerequisites like actually forming a connection and actually running attraction But assuming you're doing that stuff correctly the way to calibrate so that you never get a flake again It's simply to talk about that amazing thing that's going on when she expresses positive interest She's like oh, that sounds that sounds amazing. That sounds awesome more aggressive girls will just be like invite me We'll just throw it out there, right? She most girls will be like that sounds really cool I'd love to go to something like that at that point you can invite her Hey, you should come along. I totally want you to come and then wait for a response. What is she gonna say?  You say what's the best way to get a hold of you? No, I'd like to continue this conversation sometime at a later date because no, it's weird. It's strange I don't know anybody who can make that sound normal How do I get a hold of you?  It's allows you to step back and be like. Oh, you know, I'll get it later We'll talk about it later if you get a blow-off Step back tell her we'll talk about it later and continue running comfort or we'll continue running attraction wherever you're stuck in Because it means she's either a not attracted enough or B. She's not comfortable enough with you But instead of what what you would normally do which is get the number cool I'll talk to you later walk away with a flaky number Now you have the calibration to know that number wasn't solid. So instead of taking it I'm gonna push it on the back burner I'm gonna build some more comfort or some more traction try it again later and see what happens at that point You can do it just like the kiss clothes. You don't get the kiss clothes. What do you do? You back up you try again later build more attraction you build more comfort you try again later It's the exact same principle. What's the best way to get a hold of you? It gives her an instant out because she's gonna be like if she doesn't want to She'd be like, oh, just come to the club next week. I'll be here Right, or she'd be like, uh, call my work, right? Or here's my Facebook.  Then she has the option of a give it to him and don't answer the call or B make it very socially awkward Most girls are gonna go with a you're gonna get a flaky number Does that make sense to you guys? Last one now pushing your comfort zone. This is a really really big key. This is why guys don't get good Because all of our comfort zones are at one point or another some of us are comfortable approaching Some of us are comfortable running attraction. Some of us are comfortable telling a girl we like her some of us are comfortable Conveying sexual interest and others are not comfortable with any variety of those things You know where your own comfort zone is Find out where that zone is where that line is that barrier that comfort zone and step over it repeatedly Because every time you step over it, this is a line and you step over the comfort zone. Guess what happens the line moves Now it's over here.  You look down.   You're like, this is like cake. I'm gonna step over one foot, right? Like every time you do it your comfort zone gets further and further along And in pick up it's the same way. So if you're not comfortable approaching then you continually approach approach approach Pretty soon that line that you just stepped over is now over here and you step over it again Then what happens moves over there and that line continues to escalate and escalate And that's how you go from I can't approach to I can get consistent lays And I can get what I'm looking for out of this community or out of what we're doing Okay, pushing the comfort zone is in my opinion one of the most important things and everything that we're doing It overshadows all of the techniques and everything everything comes down to literally pushing yourself and most naturals who didn't have all this Technology they didn't have all these speakers and all this ebooks and the products and everything. How did they get good? By going out and repeatedly pushing their comfort zone And yeah, it took longer took like five ten years for naturals to get good for most of them They just continually did it over and over and over and over again until they figure things out But they continually push their comfort zone imagine if they just said well that didn't work out with approaching So I'm just not gonna approach again They would never be a natural and likewise if you do that you're never gonna get to where you want to be So continually push your comfort zone every time you feel discomfort Say to yourself. This is the feeling of growth There's some great quotes about comfort one is which one of them is become comfortable with discomfort I believe that's from Ferris and the other one is that There is no growth in the comfort zone and there's no comfort in the growth zone Really really really good quotes that exemplify everything it is about pushing a comfort zone And if you do that in pickup, you'll do that in your actual life in real life You'll do that in your financial life You'll do that with the job situation. You'll do that with everything and the more you do that the more successful you'll become Overall as a person in every area of your life because there's not too many areas in your life where you cannot grow from pushing your comfort zone Every single thing is like that. It's like what I tell a lot of guys when guys ask me like why did you leave me out?  That was a chief instructor. I called the shots I was like whatever. I mean no one even like challenge what I did I could have done whatever I wanted right, but I was comfortable anytime I get comfortable I start to realize something. I'm no longer growing. So let me step out of my comfort zone to continue growth All right, it's an overarching principle that will lead you to success Whether you're doing pickup whether you're working on your financial life Whether you're working on your personal or development life across the board. It will lead you to success Okay, we're gonna do a drill. I need a volunteer. I need two volunteers One guy with who's pretty new and one guy who has some experience say maybe a year or two volunteers Shoot, how much experience do you have man? cool, come on Can you do another volunteer?  All right, awesome. Can we get a mic up here man? Okay, so this drill is called first impressions and the reason it's so important and we actually saw this One of the other guys did it and I was like damn it. He stole my drill But then it turned out to be different Okay, so the way this drill is gonna work is these guys are going to approach and I'm gonna be who wants to be another girl Let's have another girl Not you you're gonna troll an actual someone who can actually Okay, cool. Did she want to volunteer? I don't think she wants to volunteer who wants to volunteer Just stand here stand here and be a girl so they creep you out then act like you're creeped out. I'll stand right here Okay, okay Okay, so eight months and pretty new right, okay. I want you to go first and Okay, so from there what you're gonna do is you're gonna walk up and what we're gonna do is I'm gonna give you ten words to say That's it. You don't have to do anything crazy say ten words and that's it Just do a regular approach your ten words are hey guys.  Had to come say hello Super easy, right?  Say guys. Hey guys.  Say it with me.   Hey guys.  Okay, okay stand up right over here and We're talking and I want you to come and actually switch around with me and What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna show you guys how important ten words are and about three seconds Because this is hard to screw up, right? It's like it's ten words. How many things can you do wrong? There's a lot to this not to put you on the spot, but go for it. Okay, face me Yeah, pretend we're not looking at each other. I'm gonna be looking at you, but pretend we're just facing each other talking Hey guys, you look fun had to come say hello Stop. Okay. All right Overall really good, right? Overall you can tell that like you you're comfortable in your own skin. Here's a few things though Okay, first thing is you stop way out there and this is a nightclub This is a nightclub you stop way out there, which tells us that you're afraid of us Second thing is you have your hands in your pocket One hand in the pocket their thing is you weren't loud enough four things you didn't touch anybody And why I said Kino on the opener There's a bunch of little stuff, but we'll get into that as we do this over and over again.     Telegraphs interest massive interest. What does a girl do to you when she's into you? Every time and when you do that to girls it telegraphs tons of interest right off the bat, okay? Sure. Yeah Come in the same way Stop right around here Kino one that open. Okay. All right, so start off Hey guys, you look fun how to come say hello. Okay, better Better tilting the head and you're not smiling Make sure you smile all the time. There's a lot to this. There's about 300 different things that you can screw up Okay, keep going you won't smile right smile as you walk up if I walk up to you right you're in a set and I walk up Hey right Hey guys, you look fun how to come say hello much much better. Good job If you guys haven't done this if you haven't gone through these drills where someone picks apart all these little things You make those same mistakes over and over and over again And one of the big problems is that the longer you're in field the more they become bad habits The more someone else later on down the line has to be like you have 18 000 bad habits Now you've got to correct them the hardest guys for me to work with are guys that have been in field for two years without training Because they've been making the same bad habits over and over and over and when I tell them stop that walk They can't do it because they've been doing it over and over and over again. It's a bad habit All right. Okay your turn Yeah, so go over it with me the verbals. Hey guys. Hey guys.   Cool. Hey guys, how's it going?  I had to come say hello Okay, not bad. Not bad. Okay.   I had to come say hello. Okay better.  Okay Make sure that when you walk in you stop as you Start to start your verbals. In other words, don't start your verbals here. Stop as I'm starting the verbals I know say that three times really fast Okay, when you walk up remember that we're not facing you. We're like this Okay, so you're going to keynote to get our attention Right and then start talking if you start talking back there.  I had to come say hello Hey better when you're not smiling not smiling. Yeah, okay. Also make sure that you don't do the ninja move Right. So like I was here my field of vision is here and you're here and all of a sudden it's like So come like around more Um, sort if you're coming from there, uh-huh simply go this way and then this way this way and then this way Yeah Hey guys, you look fun I had to come say hello It's slow that the ninja move is coming around now because you're cutting through because you're going in really fast Okay, so slow it down. So it's a gradual thing.   Smile. I had to come say hello.    I had to come say hello. Okay that to me from my perspective wasn't that weird It probably looked retarded to you but for me. It wasn't that weird Okay, it was semi-normal.  I had to come say hello.  I had to come say hello slow your verbals down smile bigger smile bigger But the but the walking's okay now, right a little better put a little bit more purpose in your step So instead of mosing like this All right, put a little more purpose even if you're at the same speed There's purpose to that. Okay. Hey guys, you look fun.    I had to come say hello Give a round of applause for all these guys Thank you very much. Thank you. All right. Do you guys see how much there is? You guys see how much there is involved in 10 words and about three seconds There is a lot most people don't think that And I was in that same boat. I did that same drill with jason I did that same drill was sat with sin with john I did that same drill with a lot of these guys and they said hey, you're doing this and this wrong You're doing that and that wrong And that's what actually got me better. That's what continued the growth What are we looking for in time guys? Cool. All right, perfect. All right pop quiz By the way, I should have told you guys this earlier I have handouts so you guys don't have to take detailed notes, but whatever Okay, so I want everyone to put away their notes Everyone close up their notes.  What does it mean? boom go Okay, what does it mean? it's date and it's a discipline training and discipline training and Execution you cheated. I saw that. I saw that was pretty obvious dude. Okay now Even even worse even okay. Now I want you to define each one of those Discipline is Going no discipline is having the Next next. Yeah, who's got it? Shoot. Remember if you screwed up, you're just giving more answers to the next guy. There you go Education is simply Knowing your work knowing what you're gonna say. Whoa. What was that again? Education is education. What's education? Next you also got it you in the back on the left. Yeah, that's not too. That's you.  Okay. Now. What do they mean is doing whatever it takes to get good? Okay elaborate a little bit more like what like being able to build a stack um learn the structure Okay, what's the p word?  No. No. No. Keep going. Keep going. You're there. Okay. Well, what else do I'm gonna say? What do you do before you execute? What do you do before you go out?  All right. Now. What's the next thing? What's training? Why is training important? Because you want to hone your skill set What is training to find it for me? rehearsing preparing yourself um You got one more shot. What's training? All right, give me five minutes Who else thinks they know it you want me to start from the from the top? Okay, it's a discipline. Okay, and discipline means, you know Having the this make just doing it even when you don't feel like doing it doing it because you have to do it Okay, and then there's training training means You know you seek out to learn from other people who are Better than you at this point of time. Okay. Why is that important? Because you can always learn from them. You can pick out a few things from each person. But we just did right? Yes, but we just did. Yeah. Okay. What else? What's the next thing? Excuse me. What's the next thing? Oh next one is execution and that is uh making a plan and Going out and working the plan like if you plan that I'm gonna work on these three things for today. You're gonna go out and make sure that you have At least attempted to put yourself in a situation where all these three things are being worked on Awesome. Awesome.  Okay Now all you guys will never forget DT&E.  Never forget it. You know always be up there All right guys I want to close off. You know today we've talked about discipline training execution, right? We talked about the process to get good We talked about everything that that's necessary that doing what's necessary is the key to getting good pushing your comfort zone All these different things Right to actually getting results in a in an industry and in a society where almost nobody is getting results I'm gonna close with a with a quick story And it has to do with mystery who unfortunately couldn't be here.  He's like you're just starting out He's like the the funny thing is what you don't realize Is that this game is 50 times tougher than you think it is right now And I was like awesome.  I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing and it's not coming It will come you just have to follow the correct principles You have to follow d t and e and when you do that you will achieve that success All right There is it's a it's a pretty big honor actually To be up here speaking in front of you guys like I said with a whole guru thing And it's a pretty big honor, especially to be speaking to you guys alongside guys like savage alongside like old timers like oh Geez like guys that trained me Guys like all the guys that spoke up here that I've learned from It's such a great honor because it wasn't that long ago that I was in your chair Okay, and like psych said, I want you guys I want the next speakers here to be from this crowd I don't want you guys to be another statistic in the terms of 80 dropout rate 90 dropout rate I want you guys to work on your game to develop yourself as a person and to be up here next year All right, you guys can all do it. It just takes some hard work. It takes discipline training and execution All right. Thank you guys questions Okay Okay, something I realized that you're you're really good at or at least in my opinion you're good at is you like you You have the ego problem like solved or at least like to a high degree At least like to what a high degree Okay, I think I think you pretty much You've done a lot of work on that I've had a mentor that honestly I've had a mentor and I'll probably watch this video and he's not like good at game But he's really really good at internal stuff I've had several mentors David is one of them I've had several mentors that will like guide me along the way Just like I was telling you guys about training and that's contributed to a lot of that growth That's good. Um, how would you describe? Uh, how to drop the ego or What advice would you give to solve the ego problem? Uh, in terms of what like what context like, um, well, I Tell you the truth. Uh, I'm not really sure how, um Have having an ego is obviously a problem, but how uh, are we supposed to drop it? Is that how if you if you have no ego at all and this is the thing It's like if you have no ego at all, you know what happens to you You put on an orange robe you shave your head and you hide in the mountains of Tibet That's what happens to you for the most part If you have zero ego nothing in the extreme is ever good, right right in my experience And remember that like I've learned from all these these different guys that are just experts in this And and those are the guys that I'm I asked the same question to like how do I reduce or minimize the ego, right? One of the big things is remember that your ego is your self-concept and the more Flexible and fluid your self-concept is The less your ego has an effect on you the more you focus on On I am who I am And and even to the extent of positive affirmations But the the moment that you start to take everything around you, right and say that like I am who I am And i'm working on improving myself But i'm not validated by other people or other things and I know that's like wishy-washy and it's like Uh, that's a lot easier said than done But over and over and over when your life experiences reflect your beliefs you start to change your beliefs That's when you start to say hey, this is me Like one of the things that um That students like a lot is and I don't know if you're teaching or not if you're going to but one of the things students really like Is when they're afraid to blow out and I tell them watch I'll demo blow over you I'll go on and I'll get blown out because it doesn't matter You just I don't it doesn't I don't care and even when I do a legit demo. I might blow out Sometimes it happens. It happens to all of us and nobody don't believe anybody who says they never get blown out It's just a part for the course Hopefully it doesn't happen when I'm doing a demo, but sometimes it does and I if I if it does if it's going to happen I'll tell the student that's what happens. Sometimes it happens Okay, and so kind of accepting that you're always growing and that your self-concept isn't rigid It's always fluid when guys say like oh, that's not me. I'm not that type of person I wouldn't do things like that. That's a rigid self-concept And guess what happens on a rigid self-concept. It doesn't flow It doesn't change if you're that type of guy is like that's not me I don't do things like go and approach women. Well, guess what you're not ever going to develop the skill to do that Because in your head you're telling yourself over and over and over. I'm not that type of guy Does that make sense? You talked a little bit about free association as it relates to asking too many questions Can you elaborate on free association and exactly what the exercise is to to help with that problem? I like to do the the juggler-esque monologue. I wish the juggler guys were still here because it's funny I When I trained with juggler, he did a An exercise where you throw a beanbag around Some of you guys might know this and you talk about a topic and you throw the beanbag and the person receiving the beanbag It's like popcorn in school. He has to be able to relate to the topic So I changed that around a little bit because not everyone's got a beanbag and a bunch of friends are willing to do exercises And so what you do is you do a monologue of add self-talk I'll give you an example, right most guys can't They get they get stuck they stall they ask too many questions because they can't repeatedly make statements Because they just like what do I talk about? I don't know to talk about so to teach yourself that You pretend like you have add And you talk and you thread cut yourself every few seconds and I'll give you an example give me a topic Pizza dude. I love pizza. In fact the best place pizzas is chicago. Everyone thinks it's from new york New york is a good place, but it's like the climate in new york.  It's next to the coast But like miami has Honestly has hotter girls and it's like if I'm gonna have the same weather i'm gonna take the hotter girls It's a lot like la la has hotter girls too.  I talk about the fundamentals and in my boot camps I talk about the fundamentals and I have a lot of fun on my boot camps because it's just It's a really cool thing I get to change people's lives and that's why I do what I do because I like to change people's life Okay, I'm saying that intentionally fast, right and I mean saying that add and it sounds ridiculous It sounds crazy But if you can't do that Then you can't do it in slow motion in set when you're talking about things and free associating All I'm doing is I'm free associating. I took pizza. I said, what do I think about pizza? I played the What is it the game the word association game pizza? I think of chicago and I think of new york chicago is way better It's deep dish So I talked about chicago Then I was like, I'm not gonna jump to new york because it's better than new york But I like new york new york is a good place because I like you know, I teach boot camps there It's a fun place But the weather is shady kind of like florida right florida is really humid, but I like miami better Miami's a lot like la right i'm continually doing it like a spider web I'm threading off into different things. That's how you never run out of things to say Now you do that drill alongside Automating your verbals and you will never run out of the things to say because even when your stack eventually runs out Which it will You'll have that drill to continue to have things to say Make sense Awesome All right guys, thank you very much