Put a thumbs up in the chat if you can hear me okay What's up, Courtney? I see you This is gonna be an interesting conversation, I'm excited As you can see, it's a surprise stream We are streaming on a Monday evening Which we typically do not do But some things have been happening So I thought why not I'd like to see some thumbs up Invite as many people as you can We will be speaking to a young lady Who recently went viral So yeah, this is gonna be an interesting Interesting conversation As you can see, it is a members only chat So consider becoming a member If not, you could bypass it through super chats But I wanna keep the conversation to a minimum And I trust my members They don't waste unnecessary words So shout out to all the members Shout out to all the new members Shout out to the people just watching So I shot my shot I was like, okay, let me slide in her DMs And see if she'd be willing to have a conversation And thankfully she said, yeah So we will be chopping it up With Leah, Jalea, Jalea I'll ask her the proper way to say her name When she comes on But yeah, I'm excited Since this is a Monday stream I'm not gonna go through the whole spiel But we have an episode dropping tomorrow Episode still dropping Thursday Friday's live stream We'll be collaborating with Dr. T. S. On Johnson So do not miss that We're gonna be talking about son husbands So I'm excited about that conversation So meet us right back here on Friday Alright So yeah, basically If you guys don't know The young lady we'll be speaking to She went viral this week For appearing on a dating show Where she essentially curved a nuclear physicist And a lot of the conversation has been around What do women want Do women actually want Russell Wilson So yeah, we'll be talking to her We'll be detailing kind of what happened And getting a better idea of how we move forward As a culture And I think some pretty productive conversation Could come from this recent, this recent virality I know a lot of people are still talking about What's his name? Michael B. Jordan And Lori Harvey They broke up recently So yeah, that's pretty much what's going on I saw Michael B. Jordan He's been all over social media Because he was at a Golden State game And he looked sad, I guess So yeah Basically What people are saying is that Young men, or men in general No longer have an incentive to be good dudes Because it seems like good dudes get the short end of the stick So that's the core of the conversation Julia agreed to pull up So I'm interested to hear her thoughts on The virality that she's experiencing And also like How we need to digest, address The right conversation to be having from this Talking about good guys, talking about futures Talking about Sierra's prayer, the whole nine So I have some bullet points But members, feel free to add questions to the chat Feel free to add questions through super chats If you're not a member But yeah, I think this might be good Yeah, so this is, I'll start with playing this clip This is the clip in question She was on Melly Monaco Melly Monaco's show Called the Pineapple Show It's pretty much a speed dating show And this young man popped up to I guess try to get the attention of Julia And within two minutes, she pretty much said Pineapples, which means I want to move on to the next person And everybody's kind of like That's why, because he's a nuclear physicist Seems to be a good dude So why was she so quick to dismiss this good dude So that's what we'll be talking about She did tell me she was going to be a little late She said she was actually going to get here Closer to 9.30 So in the meantime, I'll just address the chat So questions, concerns, y'all feel free to Talk to me in the chat We've got 130 people, shout out to y'all Paul, I see you, man Everyone is just failing to see the obvious And inconvenient truth Silent Lamont Hopefully we can get to what that is And what that means How many examples people have to see So during Fridays, this past Friday's live stream One of the things that I brought up was gaslighting And I talked about the origin of gaslighting I talked about how men these days Good dudes, nice dudes Feel gaslit by our women And part of where that comes from is Typically, and dudes notice When you're venting or you're airing your grievances Around women that you've come across Maybe in the past or what In the past, romantically, whatever Typically, we're met with I don't know anybody like that None of my girlfriends are like that But the beauty for me of social media And of this new video heavy generation And low-key this unapologetic generation As we get to see things as they are As we get to see the raw, uncut, uncomfortable truths So men have been saying women don't actually want good dudes And now we're seeing women seem to curve good dudes, you know On camera So I think a lot of dudes are validated By the fact that you can see Things that you felt or the things that you've experienced But unfortunately it still seems like it's not enough So we're gonna talk about that What is obvious in regards to Michael B You know, so with that situation There's a... I think we can't understate the fact that he's 10 years older than her I think that's an important piece of context Because I think a lot of people are running with the fact that Oh, she wanted to go back to the street She wanted to do her thing He wanted to settle down But when you consider the fact that he's 35 years old And she's 25 years old I think, you know It makes the conversation a little bit more complicated But yeah, y'all feel free to talk to me before she shows up Because once she shows up It'll just be my undivided attention on her Matter of fact, what I might do I might just go ahead and play the clip So she doesn't have to watch it for the 50th time Mr. Williams, shout out to you, new member Thank you so much It's difficult to watch really Yeah, so like I said We're going to re-watch the clip For those of you who haven't watched the clip And hopefully she shows up in the next few minutes And we'll get to talking What happened? You're reading?  So I'm actually in the Woodlands, Texas right now Right down there by Houston I'm about 30 minutes away from Houston So I'm a little close Oh, nice Tell me a little bit about yourself Where do I start? I like martial arts a lot I did a bit of pharmacy Back when I was a little bit younger about two, three years ago I got certified at pharmacy around when I was 17 I didn't really do anything with it I went to university for a while I was getting like a business degree So I have a bachelor's in business I did pharmacy for a little while for about three years And then got bored So I was like, let's go see what the military has to offer I didn't do anything I did my pie cat about a year ago Got a 96 on that It goes up to a 99, got a 96 They offered me nuclear physics And I was like, why the fuck not? So I went there And now I ship out in a few days Okay, thanks So you ship out as you ship out pineapples Yeah, why? Because he literally didn't tell me any qualities about himself He's just like, I made a 96 on this I did this And I feel like I did that at first too But however I need a man with some personality You felt that quick? You know you didn't have personality? Yes, I'm really good at reading people Okay I always meet it All right, y'all So that was the clip Julia is in the building I'm pretty excited Real quick though Jake's smooth lifestyle Shout out to you for the super chat He says, first time checking you live I've been watching you for a minute Good vibes, bro Keep it going I appreciate it, brother Courtney Michelle says Let me go Cougar real quick Okay, okay She just shot Apparently you're a sex symbol in this space So, you know, you'll be alright Gracious, gracious, greatness You say who's here Well, our guest, our guest is here She's in the back So yeah, without further ado Julia Hi How are you? I'm good, how are you? I am doing fantastic First of all, I want to thank you For honoring the invitation I know your DMs have probably been crazy, right?  It's interesting What? I was not expecting it at all First of all, I like did that show Three weeks ago So now the fact that it's just starting to pick up I was kinda like, whoa But it's a lot I don't know, I don't really know how to feel about it I was definitely like shocked On how much hate and backlash I was receiving Especially from the women I was like, whoa, y'all are on my head That is to say I did do a public live virtual dating show So I guess I signed up for it Yeah, I was I was watching one of your interviews And I think actually the one you just did with Melly And you said most of the hate is coming from women Yeah Make that make sense, I don't understand that They are on my head, they are like First of all, in particular This one comment just stood out to me And what I've been seeing is the last Oh, she doesn't deserve him And I'm like So, especially And it's a lot of other black women in particular So in my head I'm like, so what are you insinuating You're saying that I don't deserve a good guy Just because I decided that he wasn't for me So are you saying I deserve to get my ass beat Or are you saying I deserve to get cheated on So in the same token Y'all are saying all these hateful Y'all are telling me that I'm a horrible person basically But what does that say about you? Okay When I first saw it I had a bunch of thoughts Not necessarily about you But about like the culture Because what I talk about here is pretty much black culture I talk about how the Divide between black men and black women Is affecting our community So I always come from that angle I come from the black angle But like What do you think is really Rubbing these women the wrong way Like what do you feel like is really at the core Of why they're mad Speak your truth I would say It's naturally Is black women anyways We're always like You know black men ain't shit Or black men ain't this or that So Maybe everybody's coming from a sense of like Okay here's a good black man In the sense Of he has a good job Because if we're being honest that's all we know about him From what he told me And they're like how dare you Not appreciate that Because so many of us want this It's hard to find Like the audacity of you Oh he doesn't have personality But in my head if I'm being honest I feel like dating a good black man is a standard You know what I mean But a job is Again dating a good black man Is a standard Anybody that you're with A man having a good job should be a standard But that isn't all that it takes to make Relationship work you know what I mean I'm not putting you on payroll I'm not dating your resume That's only going to get us so far Okay so before we really get into The nitty gritty first of all how much time do you have I don't want to overstep No we can talk I'm gay Okay let's do it So before that you know One of the good things about This Like the bright side of this is If you have Other projects that you're working on If you have a media project If you have a company this is great publicity Like infamy and fame are pretty much the same Shit so what are you working on What are some things you have coming up That you want to plug in the meantime Honestly So I just retired from the NBA I danced in the NBA for four years So now I'm making that crossover Into dancing into the industry So I'm working with more artists So I guess that would be a plus You know everybody knows my face now from that Earlier this week I literally just signed a lease On a brand new dance studio space I'm opening a dance studio I'm also in nursing school So I'm just I'm doing me I would say I'm definitely You know a hustler It's also very funny too because People automatically have this idea of me And I feel like I've been stereotyped I've heard people be like oh she's probably just a bottle girl No disrespect to bottle girls Or anything like that but I'm just like What the fuck does that even mean Yeah I've been seeing people say like Oh I'm sure she has three kids I'm like actually I don't have any children Yeah So for me It's just interesting to just see Everybody's like assumption Based off of that clip Okay yeah I mean So I owe you a favor now so If I can lend my platform to you As you build what you're building Just let me know Awesome yeah let's do it But real quick I wanted to address Some super chat Sean Johnson Shout out to you brother The generous super chat He said peace and love brother keep building Thank you so much we're gonna keep moving Yeah Who else the lucid experience Shout out to you bro I'm curious to know what her definition Of having personality is We're gonna get to that We're going to get to that Obviously Everybody's been talking about Michael B. Jordan and Lori Harvey What are your thoughts I don't really know too much About it I just saw I hit the blog saying that they broke up But I feel like one thing I don't know her personally But just from You know the girls I get it get it And I feel like she don't play You know The thing with me You know like I just found out Apparently she's like 25 And Michael B. Jordan's like 35 So when I found that out It kind of changed it for me But everybody has pretty much Been talking about how It seems like It doesn't matter how good a dude you are You can still get played Or you can still get taken for granted So in the climate Of Will and Jada Of I guess now you There seems to be this idea that Like yo Even if I'm everything women are saying they want I'm gonna still get curved So like why do you feel like dudes feel that way Well first let me say this It's the same thing with women Like In every regard You can be the best woman You can You can have four degrees And bang You can cook clean You can get right with him Give him what he needs And you still like it I feel like Relationships are always a case by case Scenario and it's really just about What's compatible for the two People and what works So just because that you may be a good guy Or it may be a good woman That doesn't mean that that particular good guy And good woman are compatible So I don't think it's interesting With relationships because people constantly Change and evolve And so I Me personally I feel like one of the hardest things About being in a relationship is learning how To navigate when your partner is constantly changing Or people are constantly evolving That's hard to figure out To combine Two separate lives Do you feel like Our I guess current Does it isn't really as thirsty For or hungry for a relationship Like Maybe previous generations For sure I feel like we value them as a whole I definitely feel like Social media Has ruined that because people see this People have this like perception And idea of what they feel like a relationship Should look like or For instance I'm gonna take I'm gonna use India As an example Recently I think for India's birthday Or something like that The whole mall for her And blew obviously a big bag And I saw so many women being like This is goals It's the standard What do you mean The average person Or the average man or woman That's not realistic So in a sense we're definitely Out of touch with reality Because We see what's hot and what's Popping on social media I guess Hmm So like what do you think What do you think we're going Like if you could I don't know project yourself 10, 20 years from now What do you think is gonna be the result Of everybody feeling like oh there's always gonna be A better option Um marriage and families Are gonna decline drastically Hmm For sure The divorce rate I'm not saying that isn't possible It's definitely possible But I think as a community Especially within the black community We have to get back to a common ground To where we appreciate family And the foundation And respect it I feel like we don't respect it anymore Hmm Is that because we all feel like We don't respect the community And the families I would say yeah Everybody is super accessible Hmm okay For sure Especially depending on where you live In the demographic because I'm in Atlanta Obviously And it's It's rough out here Say more about that I only go there for work I work there it's just I would say it's literally just a good time like and then this and then the standard of dating out here I feel like it's literally it's just okay we gonna I'm a link up with this guy we gonna go out he gonna spin X amount of money on me tonight when we go from this club to this club and that club and that's like a never-ending cycle it feels like it feels like everybody's replaceable yeah for sure okay evolving door think of it as one continuous party so I mean so how old are you I'm 23 23 okay so it's 23 I guess that's that's good but like do you plan on staying in Atlanta or do you plan on like after a while I'm gonna move out and try to find me a husband and get out of this revolving door I don't know I well to be honest I'm not really on the scene like that anyways okay I'm kind of to myself I would say I mean I'm not saying I don't go out that would be cap but I'm not some I'm not like a serial club goal or somebody that's just like always outside so I wouldn't necessarily say that I would get out of Atlanta I would just move to you know a suburban area like and yeah or like Gwynette or something like that somewhere I just like is more equipped to have a family got you okay alright so let's let's talk about how you even got on the show in the first place so what what were you just like sitting on the couch and you're like you know what I'm bored let me get on the internet and see or were you a fan of Mellies before and you found her and you started doing how did that happen I had no idea about the show she actually reached out to me and she was like hey my name is Melly I do yeah so she was like it's pretty cool just like you'll probably gain some followers off of it like it's a fun show and so I was just like alright sure why not it was for me it was shits and giggles like it was it wasn't that serious no I wasn't seriously going on there to find somebody to fall in love with her being like we're just gonna date that was not my intention I was just like you know and then obviously she's a black woman too so I'm like all right let me support my girl's brand you know yeah networking and building connections so it literally was for me it was totally just a joke it was like often she hit me up and I'm like sure why not okay so tell me about the dudes that came up before nuclear physicists we're gonna work our way to nuclear physicists so like what what happened before that a lot happened it was pure chaos okay some people were totally like out of the box some people all kinds of people called in I'm not even a lot some of them I literally just talked to you because I thought it was funny and I thought it was absurd and it gave me a good laugh so I would say a wide spectrum artists rappers trappers a wide spectrum what what is what is her her goal is her goal actually to like link people up or is her goal just to like entertain people and like the most absurd personalities come up and shoot your shot I'm not sure I can't really speak for her because I'm not sure that's a melee question mm-hmm I'm sure I mean probably a little bit of both at the end of the day the world loves to be entertained yeah because I mean like her response was like damn two minutes so at first I thought maybe she was like okay I'm trying to like find you love here you're playing did you get a sense of that or like or was it just oh just part of the show no maybe she did give me a like a little sense of that or but I think maybe she just genuinely felt like damn like you ain't give him enough time or why alright mm-hmm okay okay so the clip that I saw he was reading a book and then you know he got brought up and he seemed nervous he seemed like he was like I don't know what to do right now so I'm just gonna talk about what I do in my resume and typically that's what dudes do like I was looking at your face your face the entire time is like I know I got a rebuttal for you on that okay talk to me if you really watch the clip when he told me his drop description you really saw my face I went oh shit like I was intrigued mm-hmm for me watching the clip back I know myself so I feel like once he continued as he kept talking because literally changed yeah I'm like I literally saw the decline happen in my face but because at the time like what was going through my head was I'm like cuz I genuinely thought he was cute as people don't realize that I didn't have to talk to him I didn't think he was cute I wanted to see what was up with him I intentionally let him like I allowed him to continue to speak because I was waiting for him to say something specific to me if that makes sense so in my head I knew that I was waiting for but then when he didn't do it I was kind of like oh my god okay so give me an example of if he had said this thing or if he had come at me this way it would have gone on a little longer what do you think he could have done to like change the outcome well I won't even put it all on him I feel after you know hearing other people's opinions and like talking about it too maybe I could have asked him more questions because maybe that would have steered the conversation in a different direction but I would say this this would be my playbook right okay so give us a game I would say this too also if he was a little bit more confident you know like talking to me that made me like sit up in my seat a little bit I've probably been like oh shit like okay I mean like you are a freaking scientist like that shit is lit you know I mean but in my head I was going to be like all right you let me know that you about your business you got a solid job you talk like a little game to me and by game I mean this is what I like to do for fun these are the kind of dates I like to go on because that's what makes you you or I like this kind of music it's all about having balance and I and all I heard was and there's nothing wrong with somebody who works hard I work but you got to have some work and some play too because if you're just gonna be at work all the time what are we gonna do right but that's gonna get boring quickly right or even and you can be at work but if that's the only conversation we're gonna have then what are we really doing okay so back back to this question here the lucid experience says I'm curious to know what your definition of having a personality is so when you said at the end that he didn't really have a personality what did you mean by that and like what would be an example of somebody who does if somebody has a personality it just kind of shines through I literally feel like his conversation was just like flat line the whole way if that makes sense so if he would have told me something more personal about himself then to me that literally would have been like okay he has some kind of personality but I feel like I didn't get any kind of sense of that because all he told me was about his athletes you know mm-hmm yeah yeah no I the thing is I'm kind of in the middle because I guess I'm what you would call like a I got one foot in good guy and the other foot in fuckboy like I'm right in the middle right so I have an appreciation for both and what I've been trying to do on this channel is for the young men kind of give them game on how to take pieces of fuckboy and add it to the good guy repertoire and have good results but sometimes it seems like you might compromise the good things if you go too far with the fuckboy stuff so like how does a guy so him for example how do you feel like he can maintain his drive and his book reading and his nuclear physicist stuff and still have time to become interesting or learn the game like you put it so it'll be easier for him to like dialogue with women I think he shouldn't change who he is okay all of those things and I thought it was his misconception on the fact of I didn't appreciate his job right and appreciate what he did and that's totally not true again I think that should is dope I'd like for him he needs a little bit he needs more confidence hmm so explain what that means for you like you ever okay I'm gonna break it down tell me like I've ever came across this girl that you want to talk to or like I've ever just been around a female and she just has like this this bad bitch aura about herself like she walked in a room and you like damn like I want to see what's up with her I know I know what she's talking about like I saw he needs that hmm because is it like arrogance or like it doesn't have to be arrogance because you can you can have a strong parent a price a strong presence and still be nice and respectful and still be a good guy I don't even everybody also let's also have a conversation let's pause okay what exactly is what do we consider a good guy because from my personal opinion from that clip he was automatically deemed a good guy because he had a good job because that's all we knew about him period for me he reminded me of certain dudes that you know they would give these shut off their back they they have no ulterior motives they'll treat you nice to the whole nine so that's what we're talking about he was a Russell Wilson Jr. pretty much in that clip he came off like Russell Wilson Jr. so to me like he seemed like a good guy in a sense where like he wouldn't be selfish in a relationship he seemed like he would be you know what do you want to do what do you want to go you know that type of guy so I think the confusion with guys is like women are saying they want Sierra's prayer but when they're presented with a potential Russell because again we don't know you're right it seems like it's like off-putting off top just immediately it's like but I don't everybody has this like idea of Russell Wilson but I'm gonna tell you what I get okay okay I'm gonna tell you what I get from Russell Wilson Wilson to me yes he is a great man you can tell that he would give Sierra the shirt off of his back would do what he could do whatever for his family but to me I feel like he's still the head and Sierra is the neck if that makes sense so he's leading and Sierra still follows like it doesn't really give me that she bosses him around I feel like he's a man and I feel like he still has that confidence within himself to where she's submissive to him I don't feel like I'm gonna just be honest this might sound bad when I say this but when he was talking to me it was given I'm gonna talk back like you didn't respect his energy like what do you mean by that I would say respected but it was just given and I don't even want to say childish energy because I don't want to turn into a sound bite but it was just like not that maybe because the confidence he was lacking the confidence so it wasn't given like I'm I'm a man that you should follow or I necessarily trust your judgment because that's what a man is like for a woman to be submissive to a man like I need to feel safe I need to judge meant okay so if you had to you had to give a Ted talk you had to give a seminar on how to go from that guy to a guy who would have been successful what do you think he needed to tweak like so his energy will come across as you know I'm that dude and you need to listen to me when I speak literally just his confidence and he needs to engage more personal qualities but I also feel it was a it's a very interesting perspective because I also realized that a lot of these women were on my head but it's just like obviously y'all standard is a man only having a good job y'all don't care no shit else about him but except the fact he makes except the fact that he makes six figures that's enough because also because also my other perspective is this right being somebody who used to like hold so much value within themselves with the things that they accomplish is just like do you really know yourself outside of your job and these accomplishments do you understand yourself do you know what makes you happy do you even know what kind of relationships you need that you would like for yourself I think that's a really good question I think my my concern if I had to like boil down what I'm scared of so my little brother 17 okay and he goes to charter school so he goes to charter school with like a handful of black people and it's pretty much just a white school and you know I'm pretty much black power I'm pretty much a black panther I'm like an African black panther so I'm all about you need to get you a black woman you need to get you a black girl you know y'all need to do that whole thing he was telling me that the black girls don't want regular black dude regular black dudes they want you to be like pseudo masculine they want you to be the baby they want you to be gangster and know how to do this and do that and do this so it's easier for them to go towards white women because to the white woman he's a thug off top like I see a black man and I already feel that sense of whatever so for the young dudes because I think that's my biggest concern for the young dudes how do we keep them on track with the whole black love agenda and not give up and say I'm gonna just take my business to white women because they appreciate me more they don't hold me up to extra extra like rulers now I will say this because I'm not oblivious to the fact that black women we are definitely guilty of being like oh we want a thug we want this that but I just like that's something that you have to give him reassurance on like no there is somebody out there that's going to appreciate you for you and you don't have to be these things now me personally I would say this I feel like obviously when I was like a little bit younger that kind of stuff was like exciting to me right it's like yeah like when I was younger I think naturally it's like oh that's exciting blah blah blah but now I'm gonna keep it a buck with you I don't want no thugs like I got a whole brand I got a whole business somebody he a trapper that is not cute that's not attractive no so to me I'm gonna keep it real with you my definition of man is a man obviously who can provide if my car breaks down can you fix my car can you change my tire like cuz let's keep it a buck I feel like nowadays these men don't know how to do that's the fact that's the fact I agree with you you know I mean so that's my definition of man are you kind are you caring but at the same time I think you still just have to have like that confidence and and a swag about yourself and I don't even think necessarily have a swag about yourself means you being a thug or a trapper you know I mean you're a little brother being feeling how he feels I just think it's a matter of finding that balance of a woman or finding a woman who just appreciates him for him and obviously if it's somebody who's just like oh I want to just be with the thug or a rapper he don't need to be anyways that's crazy below key like that's not what the girls are saying the girls it's not just thug or intellectual they want all the above they want a thug intellectual they want to pop right so like black boys are feeling like exactly black boys are starting to feel like nothing I do is good enough so like what do we say to them who like yo it doesn't matter if I'm six foot three I'm still not big enough it doesn't matter if I got a four point I'm still not smart enough and honestly like a lot of our women are kind of trained to constantly check men like constantly test like his gangsta and test him and see if he's really that guy so like for the young boys coming up what what what would you say to them to keep faith and be like I don't you know I'm saying we're gonna improve as black women so y'all don't have to leave because unfortunately like I know a lot of people were pissed off about brownie James that's gonna keep happening especially with this old Michael B Jordan especially with Jada Pinkett and all this stuff we're seeing in the culture I'm gonna play don't advocate for a minute because I'm gonna be real with you all so like that's kind of a cop out to a sense to just I'm actually be like oh black women are the reason why black men are dating white women no let's I'm gonna keep it a buck with you and I'm gonna say this a lot of black men feel more superior with another race of a woman that isn't black because they feel like it validates them as a man because they feel like they are that man if they can obtain a woman or a couple woman who is white or who they deem as exotic because that's cool and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that black women or we're emasculating men or all other stuff because honestly I've seen black women start dating white men because they like black men's not worth a damn either like you know I mean so I just think I think that's the tough that's a tough topic and it well we have it here this is this is the place we have that topic and I think I think that's a thing I think that happens I think some do just like you know and I'm I'm really critical of dudes who you know they'll date a subpar looking white woman right instead of a decent looking black woman I'm really critical of that but at the same time say that they're with a white woman well at the same time when I'm having conversations with these dudes especially now like I'm blessed to like be in dialogue with pretty powerful men pretty powerful black men that's not what they're saying right and I think maybe subconsciously as a part of it but most of what they're talking about is that yo are women are men are women are moving like acting like dialoguing with me like a fellow man so like how can I go fight the world as a black man and then come home and like live with another nigga like I'm not gonna do that so I'm gonna go get me a Hispanic woman I'm gonna go give me a white woman but we don't talk about that part of the conversation but it's real that's fair so can I ask you this then to you what is a woman well on a basic level a female human okay um or what makes a good woman when you are dating a woman later that like what's the qualities that she has for me it's about like the things that are gonna work well with me so I want somebody who's less disagreeable than me I'm pretty disagreeable as a person like you have to show me right I don't want a woman with that same energy like that's a lot right I need somebody who is more patient than me I'm not a patient person and what's funny is a lot of my subscribers think I'm patient I'm patient with work but I'm not patient like for real so I need somebody who's patient I need somebody who's nurturing I wouldn't consider myself particularly nurturing so like honestly like I need a soft to my heart I don't need another hard person but when I go out into the world a lot of our women are hard like even their energy and their energy is also really suspicious it's like what this nigga got up his sleeves so that's that's a big one that is masculine for me hmm that's fair I will say though from my perspective I'm definitely I am a on-guard female and I'm just gonna be honest with you I am however in the same sense I'm super soft I'm super loving I'm extremely nurturing and caring but it goes back to what I was saying I'm like I have to trust a man's judgment I have to trust him to be able to leave me so also may not be in serious so I think like on the contrary everybody's always like oh black women like we have this masculine energy and all this now is also like how did we get to this point hmm because it works in both ways I agree I agree I think you know it's a bigger conversation than just black women are masculine or black men aren't doing enough and part of what I try to do is put all those things in context with that being said it seems like you know when I'm talking to men about all the ways that we drop the ball or all the ways where for instance if I had a conversation with the dude right he would probably say you know what my personality was trash oh I didn't show enough of my personality whatever the case may be but if you watch any of my interviews whenever I am pushing back against women there is a sense of I don't want to believe that nobody else has ever challenged me on the way that I move so like I don't need to listen to what you're saying so you end up just going on about your life and being like masculine and being hard in the whole nine and to your point I think the issue that we have now is a lot of our women are using their femininity is like a carrot it's like if you do this this dissonance this dissonance then I'll give it to you which makes us feel like you really don't want to give it to us and it's not it's not really it's not really you it's a it's a it's an act it's a facade really mm-hmm I don't know because tell me if this is what you mean by this because for instance I'm beyond it at this point in my life this might sound bad it's out of true but I'm just not and because I've been this girl before I feel like I have been somebody who because actually I'm a giver like naturally I'm a really loving person so I found myself in situations to where like I may give too much or I feel like I may love too much and it may come back and bite me in my ass and sometimes if like I'm giving out more than what I'm receiving so now at this point in my life if you want me to cook clean both a laundry I need to see what would you first you know I mean like are can are you somebody that I can trust would you go out of your way for me and that's not even to say that like I I mean I guess in the sense I am saying yeah you have to prove yourself but for me it's more so like a reciprocity situation a give-and-take because you have to have both mm-hmm you know I mean does that make sense it makes sense but I'm afraid that it might become a scorekeeping situation I bought you a breaking bag now you got to do this for me or I did that but it doesn't even have to be in that sense it can be something so small to like I'm showing up to your house and I have your favorite candy because I listen to talk mm-hmm but my thing is if you're naturally that person right if you're naturally for instance a masculine person should you hide some of that until they do whatever or should you just be yourself and be giving and be protective and be a handyman in the whole nine or do you feel like oh she got to show me my mom before I do this do you operate like I'm masculine 24-7 I don't I don't it's not a carrot to me I don't use it I don't use it as a reward and I feel like if I did it wouldn't be real I feel that you feel them saying so like as an example I don't necessarily I wouldn't necessarily say though that that means that when I do give it it's not genuine maybe I'm just guarded well so the example I would give is right you got two people mm-hmm they both can cook right okay person a she cooks all the time you know she probably got a you know food on the stove right now person B she only cooks on special occasions right but she only cooks when she feels loved or whatever the case may be who do you feel like would be a better cook probably personally that's all dudes are saying dudes are saying like listen if you're if you're just naturally a masculine person you'll be masculine all the time if you're naturally a feminine person because then it's not a reward for good behavior it's just who you are now if the other person trivializes that and plays with it then you know you got to take your business elsewhere but you don't feel like you lost anything right I feel like the problem these days is like motherfuckers move like I'm gonna play you before you play me or I'm gonna protect as much of my stuff as I can in case you play me and you just kind of set yourself up to get play yes I agree with that wholeheartedly mm-hmm I'm not even give you a rebuttal on that but I feel like it's hard when you feel when people feel like they haven't gone through certain situations and I because I see I see it all the time even just like talking to my friends and stuff you know I mean it's us but it makes you lose trust in people you know what's scary to me it really does what's scary to me is that these days a lot of it is second hand if we're being honest and what I mean by that I I spoke at a school I can't mention the school I might tell you later but I spoke at a school a while back and these girls were 20 21 22 and they have the same niggaz ain't shit persona and perspective on stuff now I start asking them questions and come to find out which blew my mind both for their parents are in the home their dad is a relatively good dude but again the culture of niggaz ain't shit infected them as well so a lot of like the stuff that we're spewing and regurgitate on niggas do this niggas do that sometimes it didn't actually happen to me but it happened to a friend of mine or happened on a movie that I saw and now I'm regurgitating it but unfortunately what happens is you end up attracting that energy to yourself so like how do our girls because I have two sisters right how do our girls get off this train of expecting the worst and maybe start expecting better and making themselves attractive to men who are not the worst or would your advice be to you have honestly you have to make that choice for yourself that that's what you do you really do because I'm just gonna be honest with you and our culture nowadays it's cool to be like that's what the city girls is like that's what it is it's cool it's fun like you know now I'm hanging out the window with my ratchet ass friends let's go like you know like the nigga free song and stuff right right right you just have to make the choice that that's what you want for yourself and when you decided that's what you want for yourself and you put that out in the universe that's what you're gonna attract because that's what you were going for you know I mean why would women make that change like what what typically pushes women to make that change is just like said it's popular it is popular you but again you have to want it for yourself so something shifts inside of you to where you're like I want better I deserve better I want to live better so let's let's talk about this right Kevin Samuels RIP RIP to go but one of the things that he was critical about he says that you know a lot of women get to that point when their sexual marketplace value is at its lowest right so when they can no longer attract those really high quality men that's when they realize oh I don't want to be a city girl I don't want to be a hot girl I don't want to be in these streets so how do we prevent our women from getting to that realization when it's too late or do you feel like it's never too late this is an interesting question because I mean I personally I had somebody trying to preach to me she kept being like oh I'm older than you your dating pool goes down and I'm a fever to block I'm still 23 so I can't relate to that so I don't know that and that's just the truth however you and let's just put myself back in the situation you can't be mad at me or try to hold me accountable because you felt like you should have did something different I never said that I didn't want that now to answer okay now to answer your question I think as a community and you know the the adults because we are now the adults we have to do a better job of setting better examples for sure that's the only way it is gonna change otherwise we're gonna stay in this vicious cycle because I'm gonna be honest with you we are literally we are in a gender war within the black community for sure mm-hmm so it just it's gonna have to start somewhere so in order people naturally people naturally imitate what they feel like they see all the time and what is cool so I think if we start putting that out there again or if the black family is appreciated all these things and I definitely think it would take a turn for better for sure so one of the interviews I did the young lady and this this kind of like took me back she said that she enjoyed being sad like she said you know I think we were talking about Jasmine Sullivan and she was saying like she looks forward to Jasmine Sullivan's next album or whenever what's the white girl who just lost a bunch of weight the British girl Adele Adele yeah whenever Adele drops a heartbreak song like she looks forward to that even if like her life is going good like she looks forward to being at work and waiting to get home to like cry right so like there's a there's almost like a demand for misery so number one does that resonate with you at all and then number two like why is that type of energy so attractive first of all no that does not resonate with me at all because I don't want to be sad ever I don't think honestly to me that's kind of alarming mm-hmm but it's alarming but we actually didn't even say that I'm that surprised about it because I do feel was she black yeah I feel like within our culture like that's what celebrated being toxic even down even down to the men you know what I mean and like how they talk about black women you know I mean so it's just I'm saying like why is that because even even like when we talk about oh this rapper is like he's misogynistic or he he he calling women bitches and hoes and a whole nine when you go to their concert it's full of black women when you look at the streaming numbers it's black women yeah how does that like make that make sense it doesn't make any sense mm-hmm it doesn't make any sense but I guess I mean maybe they feel like it's just a persona mm-hmm I don't know but I can't I cannot answer your question on the whole but being sad thing because I literally just does not resonate with me I mean I'm somebody who I will say this I appreciate all music because I am a dancer so naturally I'm an artistic person so I listen to everything but I don't look forward listening to something to me that makes me sad I think I think it's not necessarily the sadness as much as I think it's more so the emotional roller coaster I think like right now happiness is boring so people just want to feel a bunch of shit yes maybe they feel like I think a lot of times we have a misconception that if you're on a talk if you're in a toxic relationship and you're on a constant roller coaster ride it's exciting it's exciting that is what I could it yeah yeah it's it's spontaneous it's spicy mm-hmm so I think in and a lot of black women and a lot of young black women mm-hmm that's what they seem a spot how do you get here because because because I think that's that's one of the main critiques that is or that you're receiving because people are like oh she probably wants future she probably wants a street dude or whatever like so how do we get there honestly I don't know I just like it's literally because it's celebrated mm-hmm it's what's cool I think that that's a very interesting too because I started clapping back at people I'm not gonna lie I'm like I think it's interesting that automatically I want a future or I won't exist or I won't that just because I said I feel like he didn't have no personality which honestly by the way that's not what I meant by that at all like I meant yeah you a scientist but like can we go to the strip club together and have some fun like you know I mean like go raise go carts can we go skydiving can we travel like to me that's what I meant by that but because I feel like that's where we are right now within our community and within this day and time automatically I feel like my headline just literally just it was the perfect headline to play into that debate sure well I think you know to try to translate I think past the angle what some people are saying is that it seems like our women would rather look past the bum exterior and see a potential nuclear physicist then look past the nuclear physicists exterior and see a potential fun guy does that make sense yeah like like you know because at the end of the day we end up kind of projecting our expectations of people so you know this dude he plays 2k every day but I think he could be a doctor so in my mind he's a doctor right yeah and it's like it's easier to be delusional in that way than to think maybe Russell has a personality maybe the dude that you want to show if has a personality so like why are we defaulting to showing more grace to bumps than nuclear physicists because still grace right yeah because I would just keep it a buck and I'm probably gonna get but I don't care because the girls ain't have my back so I listen listen I'm gonna be honest it's because they're not used to shit and that's because they're standard and what they like is they like being on the roller coaster ride so again how dare I look past somebody that has a good job or has a good salary because so many women want that because they feel like they settled or they are settling for a man in their eyes who is a bum so because a lot of them did that I can't have the luxury to have both of a man that has a good job and who I feel like fits what I need in my life to have so what do you prioritize the fun or the other like solid things when you're looking at a dude like what what's the first thing that he must check and then we move on to the next thing well he checked my first box which is which is why I kept talking to him okay you need to have stability but again it goes past that so okay let me put it like this guy a is boring but he's a solid dude okay guy B is entertaining but he's a bum which guy are you choosing if you only have those two options I'm like I'm gonna choose a okay so you're prioritizing the solid okay okay so I'm for sure I'm gonna choose a I'm gonna be honest here and I haven't said this yet okay it's not like I was looking to be in love with the man for real like it was pure entertainment for me I was not looking for real love on that dating show so you feel like it would have gone different if you were yeah for sure and I'm gonna be honest with you too he definitely was nervous we probably would have had a totally different conversation offline and then also a lot of people didn't even watch the whole clip because if they did watch he literally called back in and he was trolling what do you say he was just like y'all it's not that serious a little like peace sign and stuff and we like talked a little bit more than but it was like it was never that deep like so like okay but in the same cuz I see what you're saying people were saying that too I really saw a comment was like oh if you would have gave him a little fade he would have been gold mm-hmm but to be also I kind of think that's a little crazy say more like they were basically saying like when they said bae they mean like a haircut they're like if you just would okay like a little Tim fade and listen that he would have been gold like you could have gave him some swag but also at the same time this is also my other thing too but his looks weren't the problem it wasn't the problem it was you said it was a personality yeah I thought he was cute I just literally wanted him to tell me more about himself I also feel like but the fact that people were he was saying shit like that to me was also crazy because how do you know this man want to wear a fade like who am I they even change his opinion like you know I mean yeah okay like is that not concerning and on top of that who said I want to take on a project so if I in life that I wanted to wait until I felt like I found a man I checked all of my boxes why is that so absurd but you know why that's so absurd and why I was so foreign to a lot of women because I guess it is unheard of in the black community or I want to say unheard of I guess that is deemed as rare mm-hmm to get a guy who checks all your boxes yeah or people feel like you can't have both I think and I think this is the point that the dude from crew season was making it's like the reality of the numbers out here it's not it's not what a lot of women thinking and like I said I have sisters one of my sisters is 22 the other one is 27 yeah and trust me that they're both delusional they're both they think listen they think they're gonna get this apex dude and I'm like have you done the math like how many men are over this height how many men make over this money this amount of money how many men are this charismatic this well dressed this well spoken the whole night so I think the older women maybe their pushback is that they've gotten to the point where they have to deal with the numbers but you're so young where it's like not really cuz you're still you know saying you're still the hot thing and people still checking for you people in your DMs on in the whole night so like is there any wisdom in what they're saying from your perspective I mean I guess though yeah cuz they feel like I mean they've lived longer so they probably have seen more or experienced more in their regards but I would be honest with you too because let me let me put the women on game for a second okay put the women on game a lot of dating is the environment you put yourself in so if I want wait where'd you go I'm still here I just wanted you know saying it's you go ahead I will put you on game so like if you want a man that you feel like got some swagger and he a grown man you can trust his judgment he on his shit he might have a few businesses then you take your ass to the four seasons and you sit at the bar you don't go looking for the man in the club because at that point that man is just a good time and people just like how people have friends they talk about social circle like yeah you date in a freaking social circle too so put yourself in an environment to where you can come across better men like it's not rocket science y'all I'm just saying that's why people I'm like it's so impossible and it's just really not like you're just trying to date the wrong man so that's facts that's facts but one of the you know I'm saying one of the things we talk about here is that I don't think our women find it hard to attract men right I don't think that's the problem I think you know if you're a good looking woman quality men because quality men I'm gonna be honest with you yes they do from the backlash I received okay talk to me they do they literally because they were basically saying literally all the backlash that I received was literally it was basically even the headlines woman rejects a nuclear physicists so that translated to woman rejects a good man because he's educated and he has a good job so literally all the women coming at me again they're like how dare he is an educated black man but what I'm saying is if you put yourself in the right environment to date those time in they don't come a diamond doesn't a dime a dozen I'm like they do I mean that's what I mean they do come a dime a dozen like I'm saying they act like it's just so rare and I'm like no no I'm saying it's rare it's rare it's really rare maybe I'm oblivious cuz I I'm gonna keep it a book with you I feel like I'm dated some successful man what okay so let me ask it what percentage of men just in the country not even black men you think make six figures oh just guess guess a number guess a number mm-hmm I would say maybe below 50 percent but give me a number like 30 40 47 10 10 10 percent yeah this sick and that's the thing about social media it makes you think that you know people out here balling more than they are like not that many people and now if you get more specific to black men it's even less if you get more specific to black men who are millennials because a lot of people will make money or older right it's even less now Gen Z because your Gen Z it's even less right so but I don't think the problem is attracting these men I think the problem is keeping these men that's what I've been critical about because our women are sexy I think our women are the most gorgeous women on the planet but the problem that they're having is that because of some of the things we discussed early the masculine trait in the disposition in the whole nine the trauma the problem is retention not attention y'all could step into the club sit at the bar the whole nine and get men but it's about keeping those men matter of fact one of one of the comments that I got into my video was actually Hispanic dude and he was telling me about how he used to date a black girl and she was the most gorgeous girl he ever dated she had a body she had a face she had a whole nine gorgeous skin the whole nine but she was very the way he put it was like she got turned on by play fighting like she liked turmoil she liked I don't know if you've seen that meme I want problems always like she liked the back and forth boom boom boom boom and he was like you know after a while he had to ask her like yo is this what you're used to is this like this chaos is that what you're used to and she kind of denied it but eventually he moved on he was like even though she was fine the place he was good the whole nine I had to find peace so I think that's the bigger problem that our women are running into because they know how to attract the men it's about keeping them and I think part of the reason they struggle to keep them is because in their youth kind of like you are right now you've never had to really understand men because you could go sit at a bar and get them or post a picture and get some deals I'm not gonna say that though because I know how to keep a man okay okay okay if I want to keep them my problem is is I get rid of them I get them a batter okay talk about that why you said why why because at this point in my life I'm gonna be honest with you because obviously I am 23 so I have had experiences with dating to where I do feel like I've settled in the past or I mean I think everybody has had a toxic relationship so I have had a toxic relationship in the past I think at this present moment in my life I'm not negotiating for a shit that I want hmm what does that mean for you it means like this doesn't sound bad because this is gonna play into exactly what you tell the truth tell the truth yeah it doesn't sound bad because it's gonna play into exactly what you're saying but I'm not I'm not negotiating I feel like I want it all so if you if you're not if you're not giving me what I feel like what I need emotionally to be dated again you having your shit together is a standard that's the bare minimum but if I feel like you aren't constantly like pouring and to me how I feel like I'm according to myself what's the point so that's what I mean by I'm not I'm not negotiating on what I want for myself so what what makes you competitive in the dating world yeah so like when when that dude that hypothetical dude does all those things and pours into you in the whole nine like what is he getting from you that he wouldn't be able to get somewhere else I'm gonna say this be I want to say I think I have balance about myself okay so I I'm hardworking I'm driven I do I have business about myself but at the same time I also know how to be feminine and nurturing and be a woman and be submissive when it comes to my man I even think a lot of times as women men feel like they can't talk to us so I literally know how to be a partner you know what I mean I know how to just listen and be a safe space for the man that I'm in a relationship and I I genuinely will say this I am the kind of female I will literally give a man a shirt off in my back for sure I was so sure but like that's that's what makes me competitive because at the end of the day I I do understand that no man wants no masculine ass below that's true that's not no and and I'm gonna be honest with you because I do feel like people gonna be like I'ma turn to a sound by office this is crazy because I do feel like I am such a strong woman I want to come home and cook and clean and get told what to do not in a controlling way but like I want to come home and be a woman I don't want to have to come home and run the show at home even like too like that's what I don't I don't want to do that I have no desire to do that so pretty much what you're looking for is a good and I'm putting it in crash terms but a good boss a good boss a good boss I feel like if I say yes to that that's gonna sound bad but you pretty much this so okay okay that's that's interesting because a lot of times what I'm asking women like what do they want and like what are they offering in exchange right um sometimes it comes off as I want this but I'm gonna give you this no I I will match energy I match energy all day hmm so I mean naturally I'm a good person but I would say this like if you're if you are a good man to me you damn right I'm gonna cook and clean and I don't even want to say if you ask me to jump I might even say how high god damn it like if you had niggas you would have niggas are you coming are you coming out the gates like that or is it okay after a 30 day probationary period then I'll start cooking like are you just being that from the jump or is there something you're looking for first don't just don't just tell me the right answer tell me the right answer I'm about to tell you the truth I'm about to I'm about to get real personal for you like in the past in the past I would come off I would come out the gate like that but now not so much hmm I need to know that it's it's mutual and that's not to say that I'm not going to do anything for you because naturally like I said I'm just another person but I'm not going to give you because one thing I have learned about men you give them an inch and he's going to take a mile so I'm not just going to give you the whole thing upfront without me feeling like because at that point it's just going to make me crazy because then you're going to feel like you don't ever have to do anything given to you so I need to know that it's going to be some kind of reciprocation before I'm just out here playing wifey no do you want the dude to come out of the gate with that energy you want him to come out kind of like you're doing um I would say let's also have this conversation too because I have debated about this with some men and this whole yeah and this whole like taking a woman on a date like I have lately heard men be like I don't take women on dates and I'm like that's crazy what what do you mean how else you're supposed to get to know each other right so in a sense of yes I expect for you to take me on a date and to pick me up and to open my door and close it and to be a man to pull my cheer out like you would be so surprised at how many men don't do that these days you know why because they think they the bad bitches that's why no that's not why that's not why why because we see how the will smiths get treated and I think what men are starting to do now is like they're starting to protect themselves and they feel like okay since she's gonna come in half-stepping I'm gonna come in half-stepping because every dude has also been the or not every dude but some dudes have been the flower getting door opening and they get played with but it seems like when you come in almost like making her work you get better results at least that's what dudes are telling me the problem is is that females and males we're they are literally thinking the the exact same way that's the problem that's why it's like a constant headbutt and there's no give so who do you feel like should give first the man why because that's what sense of like literally I mean I don't know if y'all believe in God and stuff but literally since most of the times a man leaves like to me it's crazy and it's crazy for a man to literally sit up and be like I'm not taking a woman on a date are you serious that doesn't even make sense how else are you all supposed to give each other I don't need a damn texting buddy no I agree with you I actually agree with you on that I feel like even though men should take women on dates I don't think men should take every woman on the date I feel like men and women need to do more homework because like I said men are afraid that we're going to be used for food women are afraid you're going to be used for your body or your time whatever the case may be so I'm saying instead of like half step with everybody just spend more time doing your due diligence and figuring out if she's worth a date because I'm gonna keep it a buck a lot of women are not worth a date a lot of women fuck a date they're not worth your time a lot of men is not not worth our time so how do you um how do you assessment how do you how do you kind of grade and see from jump if he's worth your time what are the things you look for I said this in the last video and I got so much blackboard but whatever I will say I'm gonna take this differently I'm really good at deciphering what's good for me if that makes this explain a little bit more so by the same time I also will say this I am extremely picky so I would say for me how I assess a man is he kind is he respectful does he seem genuine because I will also say this I think I've also had some interesting like dating experiences because there have been times to where I've dated guys and I feel like they just like the idea of like being like oh and when I say dating guys I don't mean relationship but like you know talking to a guy like trying to go on dates and stuff but I have really run into experiences to where like for I was talking to this one guy I told the story already but I was I have been like texting this one guy and he like wanted to hang out and stuff and he was super cool but it literally turned into I'm going out make sure you bring your teammates your teammates yeah because I danced for the NBA for four years so like stuff like that oh friends friends and stuff yeah friends but to me that's weird because you were you were continuously pushing that on me so I was like is that even genuine and just somebody who I feel like is really patient and I feel like really wants to know me for me so what do you think people miss since you know most people see the way you look they see the dancer like what is something that you feel like they miss honestly I find people as they miss the fact that I am literally a human and it again I would say literally what happened to me in that whole video because I also feel like I got stereotype because I do look how I look honestly so I find people miss the fact that yeah I do have I do have depth to me and that is what I'm looking for explain what that means like when you think of depth what does that mean for you you think aliens exist like what what are we talking about it's levels it's levels I like having I like having deep conversations I'm not gonna hold you I will date I will debate somebody backwards I like to read books I like listening to different music um even down to the fact of like how I was saying earlier like yeah his accolades are cool but you even really know yourself do you know what makes you happy so I think a lot of times people just see me and they're just like oh it's just this fine little young girl so let me just throw some money at her and it's gonna be cool and it's just like no I'm a really cool person I'm actually not superficial at all I could care less so do you feel like maybe that's what turned you off about it like you felt like he was just another dude trying to impress you with accolades yeah for sure I love people who are just themselves got you and I'm a kind person I don't really like I don't judge people I mean that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm gonna date everybody but I respect people who are themselves like I fuck with that I have such a I can respect it I have such a natural like attraction to that like that shit turns on if I like you can just be you okay so for the other nuclear physicists in the chat or watching this during the replay what do you feel like they should be learning or taking away from this whole virality not even just them I think people in general should learn that first of all I think y'all know so much and y'all don't know anything that's number one because I feel like what everybody can take from that is overall you have to know yourself as an individual period like yeah accomplishing great things in your life that's so amazing I would never take that away from him like or anybody for that matter but that's not that doesn't make you who you are as a person hmm and I can and I and I'm gonna go so strong about that because I'm gonna keep it up with you like I was saying earlier I feel like I have always been somebody who I accomplish great things you know what I mean and again like I said earlier I have always held so much value of that like within myself there was literally a point in time to where I'll never forget as somebody asked me like what do you like to do for fun and I didn't have an answer because I didn't know what the fuck I like to do for fun you want to know why because you worked all the time I work yes like I was literally like I've been a freaking and I only have I worked all the time but I have been in interesting positions to where I have always had to be a certain way for the position that I'm in like you know I mean not really good to like actually be myself so even like when he was saying what he was saying to me people didn't realize it because I obviously I will say this I definitely look like a bitch in the clip like with my facial expressions and stuff but I was I was taken in a different way because I was relating like to it on a whole another personal level so I feel like when he was talking to me and he was only listening like listing off of his accolades or whatever I was like like I saw a bit of myself and what he was doing if that makes sense or like a version of you you didn't like yes and that's to like navigate through and that's interesting yeah that's a hard revelation to to come like to have or whatever like literally I'm 23 I started dancing for the NBA when I was 19 years old you know what I mean yeah literally when I was 19 years old I've been a freaking pageant queen I've always been somebody who's just like I've you know I've excelled in life or whatever I've accomplished the things that I go after like I'm literally 23 and I'm about to open a freaking dance studio you know what I mean but at the end of the day yes those things are amazing but that's not what like that's I won't even say that doesn't have substance because it does have substance but that's not that isn't gonna make me happy in the long run for me to sustain like a happy life you know what I mean yeah it's gonna make it's gonna continue to make me financially stable for me to have a lifestyle that I want but I also think that goes into play that's why you have so many celebrities and stuff and they're unhappy because that's surface level shit people really don't know themselves okay would you be cool with people coming up yeah let's do it all right so I want to prioritize women actually yeah I haven't talked to many women so I'm I'm game for that let's talk okay perfect perfect because I know Courtney Michelle is in the back so I'm gonna drop the link and I'm gonna prioritize women I'm gonna prioritize super chats and I'm gonna prioritize members in that order so okay well don't get on her because I don't know we don't do that here okay let's not my ministry all right so I got the link in the chat I will just I'll be in the background I'll just moderate y'all's conversation but I'm interested to know maybe from you know other women what rubbed them the wrong way or what do they agree with what do they disagree with and then with the men because I try to hit on all the cylinders of what men were feeling but I feel like I also might have missed something so um y'all pull up let's chat yeah it's gonna be interesting all right there she is miss Courtney Michelle how you doing Courtney what up what up what up what's going on how are you good how are you guys doing good I'm good I'm good I'm happy to see you um I will I will let you run the show Courtney so Courtney is another youtuber she is the goat but I'll be in the back I'll just be moderating things but I want y'all to have a conversation I think this might be good cool oh lord okay all right I'll be right here what is going on how are you doing I'm Courtney it's nice to meet you good I'm Julia nice to meet you okay I um Lord I don't know why he got me moderated let me turn it up so I can hear you a little bit more so um I guess I wanted to talk maybe a little bit more about the backlash that you were getting with women which I thought that that was interesting and I know the uh interview that you did prior to um you kind of made a mention that it was like older women and the baby mom was that was giving you pushback so tell me a little bit more about that because that's what I want to maybe dig in a little deeper on oh it was literally just so many women and then I also think I was I was surprised and just like how cruel they were to me because it definitely was a lot of a lot of older women so I would say a lot of women that were like later in their 20s maybe early early 30s I definitely was like going through the comments and it was definitely like you know some single moms and stuff I literally like I was telling him earlier that I had somebody I doubted on the show or whatever and this one young lady she was just telling me she was just like well you know I'm older than you and once you're older like your dating pool goes down and so but to me I think my question was it was like okay so since y'all are coming at me is that the only thing that you guys prioritize in a relationship what do you mean prioritizing relationship like him being a scientist or a physicist because a lot of it was I guess for me a lot of it was literally just like oh she turned him down again how dare she because he is a nuclear physicist okay so let me I wanted to discuss that with you because I think it's important um there's a lot of reasons why I think you got a lot of pushback for older women I am older than you yeah and I fit that narrative of an older woman I have a child and I'm not married and I think the pushback that you were getting from a lot of women was of what we were saw what we were seeing was not necessarily just a job and let me let me explain that a little bit when you get older life hits you but those that are wise learn from mistakes um they have incredible insight and with that insight for those that can see a woman maybe not necessarily going down their road with showing attributes of what they did back when there was 20 sometimes like a scary movie and we're like no baby we see what we see something in this manner we see this and we don't want you to turn out or be like a lot of black women have become where in our 20s we didn't prioritize family we prioritize work and opening up businesses and traveling the world in our 20s and then we realized that we don't have time and that time that we spent focusing on that it's lost and then you become 30 35 and a lot of opportunities that you could have had to establish a family which other cultures do we pass it and then you become like a lot of black women have become so it was I think the backlash wasn't just his job it's just seeing that you prioritized a lot of what we did and there's a lot of women that wish they could go back to 23 and understand that maybe the priority should be focused on family why you're still in your prime and that I go ahead I totally understand that but I also feel like again there was definitely the misconception that because what I was saying was and how I said it which I looking back on it and I'm talking to multiple people I probably should have explained it a little bit better when I said what I said but I feel like my how I said it was just like so blunt and it wasn't a lot of context to it but I but what I was saying was is I wasn't saying that I'm only prioritizing those things for myself what I was saying was is I want to partner to do those things with me who isn't only just talking about his athletes that's where I was coming from with it so for me when he literally was just listing those things off it's not that I didn't appreciate that it was I wanted him I went in there to be balanced so there was a happy medium yeah but I feel like everybody completely jumped over that and it was just automatically attack attack attack and then I was like you know it's about obviously not what you say but how you say it and I learned that quickly you know yeah and so I think for me it's just like okay if y'all are be concerned you know I mean give some constructive criticism but they are literally like the things that they were saying about me and how they were talking to me and it was just like that's not constructive so why should I listen to you and what does that say about you you feel like you have so much wisdom yeah but why should I even listen to you because I feel like I'm gonna keep it real with you my mom would never like being the age that she is and some of the things that the women were saying about me so my ham like why should I listen to y'all anyways happy all her jokes because my mama would never right well let me put you on to some game okay and this is from an older woman to a younger lady okay I know that you said that all that it wasn't even three minutes to say two and a half minutes of a conversation and the only thing that he said was you know about his job but I'm here to tell you that that man said a lot and with wisdom and maturity that's when the listening skills and understanding your role as a woman comes in so in the clip he said the first first thing he did was had a book in his hand okay that off the rip tells you he's well read and intelligent so you don't even have to necessarily ask off the rip that man is well read and he's intelligent then what did he say after that he he said he likes to do martial arts martial arts that man is a protector because he can whoop some ass if need be and he's also disciplined so even in those two words knowing that he didn't even have to say that he was intelligent or well read he had the book he does martial arts that means he's a disciplined man these are attributes that I think a lot of men have and I think they get frustrated when a lot of women are just overlooking because they're just saying yeah I work here but not looking in between the lines because they're not saying it with so much enthusiasm but again with wisdom with maturity we're able to as older women kind of look in the lines and be like no baby he's disciplined he's well read he has an amazing job so he's a provider a protector and a provider the number one thing that you need to look for for a mate what else did that man say and then after that he told me he made a 97 on his test intelligent in the army yeah taking care it's like I think it's do you see what I'm trying to say it's he didn't talk to say much to let you know in two minutes a provider protector intelligent well read disciplined and now he's about to travel the world and and also because a lot of people watch the clip too I definitely expressed in the beginning I was like yeah I don't really want a long distance relationship I don't want these things I said that so also you're getting shipped off to basic training that's not gonna work for me right now so yes you and I I didn't say it's not the fact that obviously yes he's disciplined if you're doing martial he's obviously disciplined he's going in the military that's number one anybody has to do that but I think for me the main thing I guess in my head because I didn't say I didn't acknowledge those things I guess how everybody wanted me to acknowledge them is like that is awesome but what I need in my life is a balance of both and I don't feel like I should have received backlash for what and what I want well it's not the I understand the the trust me if anybody knows about comments I get it right welcome um but it's not seeing I don't want to say train wreck but seeing something that deserved more than a pineapple now if you wasn't serious at all I know and I didn't know that you she invited you up and it was just for play you know that context absolutely matters yeah um but taking that out and just as someone seeing and especially being in the space where men are like I want to be a want to be a good man to a black woman but they're not seeing us like that they're passing us by for personalities which I'm going to be honest with you when you get older personality don't protect you and it's not that I want both but reality is everybody don't get 100 of everything any man that is going to be with you they're not going to get 100 of everything because you're imperfect we're all imperfect so it's about what on the list makes a good man so what would you think would be the top four I'm just curious first for first important is a man that is a provider because that's what a man is right a man is a provider he has to be compassionate honest oh I would say faithful but I feel like that should be a given so I would say a provider compassionate honest and caring and and personality I mean let's be honest let's be honest a job description is not a personality trait it's not it's not it is not so what so I but I feel like the I feel like the reality of it is is like those things are important and I never said those things weren't important but for me what I feel like I need in my life is both so I don't think there was anything wrong maybe with how I worded it yes but I don't think there was anything wrong with me looking for an answer of maybe we were talking about your music and interest or what kind of dates you like to go on because at the end of the day I'm not only dating your resume I feel like and that wasn't and that wasn't me saying that I didn't appreciate those things or he didn't have those qualities I think that what he does is amazing I think like you said but maybe he just wasn't the right guy for me and I also think that that is okay I think a lot of times I think a lot of times like people people say things that they think are right or that even like the other women are like okay but I also know people who are miserable and they feel like that they have they may just check their boxes but they aren't meeting their needs in other ways does that make sense so I think I understand what you're saying about how maybe not everybody is going to check everything and you have to work but I don't feel like that's impossible again nobody is perfect every every relationship has its problems and stuff like that or whatever but I also think it is possible to have a good balance of both and I think a lot of us particularly black women think that it's possible to have it all I think we think that it's possible for us to be swept up our feet and have a fairytale life you're wanting it all I feel like white women think the same thing that I honestly I think the problem with black women is we don't think we can have that well I think that the difference between white women and black women is that white women don't go off or will dismiss a man because he didn't show personality in two minutes um I also don't think that that's a fair statement and I'm gonna tell you okay tell me why because that's what the show was I was like I was saying like I was saying earlier at the end of the day now if I was just like on a date with him we probably would have a totally different outcome but I was literally I'm on a speed dating show to where I'm talking to multiple people so I'm making decisions like that yeah you know what I mean so I think for me that's that but I'm I'm gonna be honest with you I don't think that's I have a ton of white female best friends mm-hmm so I like I see definitely both perspectives do you see them getting married before black women uh some of them yes but I would say I have a ton of white female friends and best friends right now who aren't married are you are you wanting to be a wife yeah I'm gonna be married when it makes sense when it makes sense for me and I feel like it's with somebody who I feel like fits the pieces into my life as well and we balance each other out but I'm but I will say this I'm not just gonna sit up here marry somebody just because I feel like oh they have a good job yeah so again with that gentleman I think that he exposed a lot of stuff about him within two minutes and with with active listening I think it was shown again like I said with the discipline he even came back on the show I appreciate that you came back on there I mean I saw the comments right what'd you say he saw the comments and so he called back in the show to check the comments for you even though you just that man he came back and again we talked about being compassionate so him even coming back checking the comments for me I was like wow because he didn't have to do that so that's compassion again I'm just it was hard to watch because I was like girl at least get it man you know well some give me a little call because we're seeing these attributes I'm gonna be honest with you though I'm gonna be honest with you I didn't give nobody my number I didn't because because I'm gonna I'm gonna be a dead ass serious because the truth is I was not looking to date somebody off of a freaking speed dating show I'm a you never know you right and so maybe I know so maybe I shouldn't have counted out but honestly like this is just me being so transparent it was totally like shits and giggles for me I'm like there's no way I'm gonna go on a show and seriously date somebody on a speed dating show let that have been Michael B Jordan coming up you know I'm free baby what's up really I didn't see him a person he's definitely fine but I also I'm gonna say this though too because I had somebody touch on this because they were like oh if they were probably famous or something I don't necessarily feel like that's always the answer either so well I don't like I said as far as an older woman and I just want to speak about because I know that you said about you know the older women kind of like taking you and being mad and maybe saying some stuff that was uncouped but it is when we you know we we've been 23 before but you haven't been 39 before and so when we see a thing and we see a beautiful black woman that has all the opportunities in the world and when we hear her say some things that we also said when we were back in our 20s and thought that we have time and I'm just here to tell you the biggest lie that anyone can tell you as a black woman a woman in general is that you have time that eventually I'm gonna have a man eventually he's gonna come eventually gotta bring him for a lot of us that eventually waits and it waits and the older that you get it's the less opportunities that you have can I ask you why do you feel like that is because I keep hearing people say that so what about it that makes you feel like you don't have as many opportunities well first being fertile so let's be honest you know a man wants legacy a man wants to have a family the older that you get the less you're able to reproduce so let's just say you do everything travel the world and hear you 30 and now you're like okay now it's time for me to get a man now you got a vet in the process in the dating but these men are also having younger women that are able to give them more children so the older that you get by 35 the eggs it's about to be dust and when you hit 40 it's like so you don't have this span of time and time goes by so quick time definitely does go by fast and let me tell you when I go back to my reunions my 10 year 15 year reunions beauty fades as well too oh yeah for your metabolism what'd you say I said for sure yeah so your metabolism will slow down so that that's segulite so as women I meant men is opposite usually men get a little better in time they get better jobs better assets better benefits they get the little old distinguished look it's opposite for us so now is your time and I think we're when we're just like don't pass up your time like a lot of us have and when we see someone that might have potential that it seems to be interesting it not you know he came back up and then the man said says something about Jesus now I love my lord but that within itself showed that man has some kind of morale so it was like what else the man is disciplined well read well traveled but that was after the fact of what I said what I said came back up you could have been like you know what babe I was I made a little mistake but again but again honestly I feel like the biggest problem was is I didn't take it seriously and you know what and I'm gonna tell you this because I've been thinking about this a lot yeah when you're in this space you hear a lot of men a lot of black men will say you know women don't take accountability well who's going to hold us accountable and I'm here for a lot of us lack maturity a lot of us don't take things serious and we fun and thinking that again it's the time and so the lack of maturity and it doesn't even have to do with even your age because there's women my age 40 plus 50 plus that still act the same way as they did back in the day I can't tell you how many videos I see a 60 year olds twerking but that mentality that not is the not willing to grow and become a woman and understand that as a woman you don't want to walk this world be in this world do this thing by yourself and I'm gonna be honest I don't want to and when I say I didn't I wasn't taken it seriously just me personally for myself and I did not nor do I still do I'm gonna be honest I mean maybe I should never say never see myself get in a relationship off of a speed dating show that's what I'm saying I mean the one doesn't matter but I'm not gonna know if you the one from a speed dating show well you could if you would have gave him a chance but he was also leaving and I made myself very clear I don't want no long distance relationship well that man was coming back and with his job and benefits could have moved you anywhere in the world but who said I wanted to move who said he couldn't move to you he doesn't have any kids or anything holding him back not if he's in the military there's different military bases that people could move to I mean they can but is that always guaranteed no you never know so that's also like the thing that you do know is that that could have been something could have been a spark now I will say this I could have asked him additional questions for sure I will take I could have definitely asked him additional question but I also don't feel like just because everybody else feels like that that's what they felt like whatever thing for me is necessarily what was yeah it's best for me and I'm standing beside that so let me let me ask you a question because what percent do you think black women that are married I don't know maybe like black women in particular I would say maybe like 40% but I before you know this topic though I also think for me my parents are married and I see them doing the whole nine like they have fun the engineer my mom's a nurse you know what I mean and they still also have like that fun aspect and they still have that balance and my dad is a provider and he is all those things so for me I don't feel like me saying I can have it all as far fetch because I literally have an example other in front of my face okay well I think a couple of years ago I was reported that 30% of black folks are married and 40% of black women are not married and when I was your age it was 42% so it's increasingly going up as far as black women not getting married and what's also parallel paralleling that is the age that we decide to marry so the older that we're waiting the less that we're getting married and again with older women we're trying to tell you age is important with white women Asian women and Hispanic women they're married more as far as percentage more than us but they married early yeah they marry usually the average age is 26 27 black women is 32 33 so it's a four to five year difference we're losing it when it comes to those women because we're not taking it serious and with your parents and I'll say this and I'll let some other people go I just wanted to give you some old lady wisdom I think well this is what I know is we look for men to match us meaning we want to be equal too and you talked about Sierra and Russell Wilson and he is the head and she's the neck it's about you as a woman being his helpmate if she's his neck he she's helping him if that man didn't have something or was lacking something that's where you come in and you shine it doesn't help him but that's what you bring to the table it's not your career and I'm telling you this because men will tell you this too you on you looking at thousands now are watching you what you bring to the table is what can make that man better to be his helpmate not being or having just as a good of a job or being balanced because no man cares about that that personality that he could have lacked you you dance you spoke you could have put a little on finish something that a man probably couldn't need it and made you different and not one of the same that probably got dismissed because he didn't have the genus a quat so I guess I'm not I'm not ever gonna bash you because it's not that type of party but older women I think we're in your comments because we see a thing and we know a thing and we have insight and it comes from wisdom and experience and 23 goes by fast and what men also see and your husband could have been watching and might not work but what men are also seeing is your insight the inability to see a good man or a good quality that could have been a good man see that and be like man she can't even tell that was a good man was she can't tell it then I know she can't take care of it that's interesting so think about that it's it's being able to know a thing and that's insight but with insight and wisdom is maturity and I think a lot of us lack maturity we still are wanting to kick it and have fun and do all these things and put family on the back burner and I think it should be opposite family is first I I respect what you're saying but I also think that I did I understand what you're saying I respect what you're saying but I still feel like you can have both and that's just I feel about it well I don't feel like like I said I think how I came off in the video I totally see how people are like oh she can like you said she can't see a good man and all this other stuff but I never said that I literally again just wanted him to tell me more personal stuff about himself too and I think it could have been I could have contributed to that more like I said I could have asked more questions I could have been more well my body language could have been better but I was looking for him to say something specific and he didn't say it and then also in addition to that I wasn't taking being on on a speech on the show serious yeah I just and that's just the truth but I don't think that that means that I'm not looking to get married right now or I'm not looking for something serious or that I'm just trying to put my career first and put on the back burner no I would love to be in a serious relationship and stuff right now but that platform is not what I was looking for honest that's just I'm just being honest well I hear you but you know I would say you you never you never know what God has for you and you never know I always believe that things just don't happen yeah and I totally I'm sorry to cut you off and somebody asked me they were like would you go on another date with him and I'm like yeah because honestly that's an uncomfortable situation like to be on a live stream with thousands of people watching you so I'm sure he was nervous you know what I mean yeah it wasn't taken it seriously so I'm like okay whatever but yeah I I told melly and I told somebody else that I would be open to it now would I broadcast it probably not but they already in your life a little too much yeah too much like everybody feels like they know me now and I'm like don't know me at all yeah so well this is the thing don't be so caught up in the package of personality and things like that because you you gotta get to know someone and someone also has to get comfortable enough to let themselves go and a lot of men are scared to do that or don't want to do that or don't trust to do that but the writings was on the wall in those two minutes and the fact that that man came back up to protect you and I forgot the man said he lived in Woodland Woodland Hills in Texas yeah okay so even that area is well to do so that means that he got maybe I don't know but kind of like listening it was like he might his family seems to be of good stock and this is all again that these the old bitties is trying to tell the young ladies sometimes get out of your own way and we can be our own worst enemy and just seem like there was potential there and he was handsome and we was just like what else did she want yeah he was that's all right we passed him up I'm I'm a cougar so that's fine because I know what I see I made the mistakes for that you were about to make and I'm trying to tell you don't make them but that's all right I'll be cleanup woman I am crying well can't girl then be a cougar I really honestly I did think he was sweet and I did think he was cute because somebody asked me I was like no I kept because there was I mean some people I was telling everybody like I didn't have to talk to him it was some people where I was like immediately like oh hell no I'm fine and then I do think that like I was saying earlier it probably is because he was nervous but I do feel like he's someone like confident yeah well I mean I don't being laid back or kind of chill within two minutes I don't I don't from what he told me that he does and even martial arts that art within itself builds confidence and it's discipline so can I ask you this yes because now I so I understand I totally 100% understand why he led with his with his career as he should have right because that does show that he has stability and again like we were saying that a man is a provider right when I was like touching on the fact or speaking on the fact earlier that I'm like okay well then do you also know yourself outside of your accolades like what do you think about that what do you mean what does he know like does he know like this does he know himself does he know what makes him happy does he know what he likes to do for fun or do we feel like those things don't matter well I think those are extras of which I mean getting to know a man but a lot of that I feel like that's an essential of a relationship working you have to know yourself before you can be in any kind of relationship well I think those words sound good but in reality knowing yourself means I mean you're here you're in Atlanta you are a woman you are black what else do you need to know about yourself what else does he need to know about himself if he knows that he wants to be a provider which majority men want to and majority men wants to take care of their family that's them a lot of men's identity and who they are it's showcased on their career it's showcased on how they take you know their careers important and the travel important that's who men are they're not here trying to show you a jukin a jive like that's not what I mean by that though okay a real serious man that's about his business that's who he is that's not the only thing that's to him that's the only thing but what else would you want from a man is is that's not the only thing to any person was it well you tell me who are you who am I yeah what makes you you what makes me you what makes me mean I'll say this I what makes me mean is I I love my family I love my friends I love to have fun I like to go shopping I'm caring I'm compassionate I'm patient I'm kind my job description is I'm an MBA dancer I'm a dance studio owner that's not all of who I am like I just like there's there's layers to a person so for me regardless of that I just like that's extremely superficial to only say that the only thing to a man is his career well I know what I know what I need in a relationship I I need to be courted okay I need to be with somebody who I feel like I can learn things from so that's what I'm saying like I just feel like so let me let me say this a lot of men's identity comes from their career because they put blood sweat and tears in it and we as women think that men should be on this journey of finding who they are which men are not that complicated they know who they are and they know what they want so you know you I love family and friends who don't I'm like those are just kind of basic things that a man is not are you emotionally stable because that's that's another conversation well if he's a leader and he's again talking about the guy which shows some stability of him having an amazing job discipline knowing where he's going that shows stability and we just we put too much fireworks and wanting a man to be all this that we are and they're not that shows stability with him providing but are you emotionally stable what does that mean exactly not that emotional like that I know honest I know plenty of men who have successful careers and they're still miserable what does emotional stable are you are not crazy are you emotionally available man don't talk that way but I've those are but those are real questions that you need to know about somebody if you know it's but emotionally but meaning can are they open to a relationship with you or given their heart being vulnerable like those are emotions yes all right and I think a man wants to what scares them off or doesn't want them or doesn't want them to be open I think is when women are easily surpassing a good guy or looking for other stuff and a man is trying to tell you this is what I am this is who I am and if you rock with me and let me lead then that's some of the stuff that you will get from me but being open I don't think a man has a problem with that I don't miss finding a woman that would allow him to be open I think that's interesting well I think we make men harder than than they have to be and we because we put our wants and needs on them and we're the emotional creatures men are more logical they're thinking they are logical but I still regardless there is still something more than a career that makes somebody them like and you still have to understand yourself and understand what you need and what makes you happy for a relationship to work if anybody says otherwise that is so not true well I just how we were just having this conversation too I'm like just how women feel like we have needs and what they feel like a man is men feel like that females need to have certain qualities about themselves for them to be in a relationship and for things to work and that goes way beyond of the job he does or what they feel like they need a relationship to make them happy I think we put a lot of feelings and emotion I mean what you won't hear is a man to come up and he'll tell you you know what I feel like this and I feel this I feel that men don't even talk that way they know and they know what they want and again you know I I think it's like a movie when we are always thinking of I need to find myself and who am I and all this what makes me happy that thing changes happiness happiness is a fleeting feeling so even if you find something that's going to make you happy with a man when it hears that that's not sustainable because what makes you happy now at 23 is not going to make you happy at 28 but it can be something as simple as literally and probably reading books makes him happy it does not have to be this big grand extravagant gesture that is what makes it magical but even things down to that simple like do you know yourself do you know what you like to do do you know what makes you happy like it can literally be as simple as I like to wake up and read a book well you know what I found interesting since you said that because even in the interview that man said that he was doing a pharmacy but he told me that though I was doing pharmacy I didn't want to do that no more so now I flipped it now I'm in the army he took a test had one of the highest scores on the test and that is amazing but at the end of the day I'm not coming home to you and your test every night that is a standard as a man you having your shit together is a standard if the only thing that we are going to talk about all the time is your job and what you do for work I am going to be miserable that is a man having his shit together and a man having a good job and a man being a provider is a standard that is not the only thing that makes the relationship work if that was the case and these billionaires would stay married and they there has to be there has to be a common ground for both people period it does I hear you and that does not just because somebody feels like or somebody feels like that they need that and that's what they want that doesn't mean that they don't appreciate an intelligent man hell I'm still going I'm still going to be with a successful intelligent black man but that doesn't mean just because I decided to pass on him that doesn't mean that that's not what I want out of life maybe I just felt like I needed a little bit more and from that conversation I just felt like I didn't get it and that's fair enough that's fair enough I you know I mean I can't change your mind I could just try to throw you a little old lady game and that's all I'm able to do but like I said even with that man he just showed a lot of stuff within two minutes and even coming back and even knowing where he even lived I think there was a lot to dig in with that man and you know at the end of the day it's you know I think men are telling us that damn I have all this to all for you and I want to give it to you but you're willing to surpass all the accomplishments and the accolades that I know that can make your life amazing and I'm willing to we're willing to pass on that because he didn't give us butterflies or personality within a couple minutes which I can tell you I can tell you this I want to taste her pass in addition to let's let's say that well we don't always get everything that we wanted we definitely don't get it all so you just have to prioritize what's most most important and I'm here to tell you being a provider a protector intelligence moral godfair godfairing that's the most important and all that extra us his help making bring that out of him and I think he would appreciate that for you I see you rolling your eyes no I'm just thinking because I'm like I'm just thinking that's okay well you heard all right now let me see you in two three four years because I'm gonna be with that man I'm a cool girl I'm gonna make some uh hot water cornbread I'm gonna be in I'm gonna be saying and Joe all the things that girl won't do and that's and I'm gonna be like you passed on and that's fine because I'm gonna be at home with my man who is also gonna be intelligent successful and we're gonna have our kids and I will be making my homemade macaroni and cornbread and it's gonna be fine what I do are you in Atlanta I'm in Tennessee so I'm in the south girl I'm from the country I know how to cook don't play and it's not giving craft macaroni he's giving homemade okay giving I think I got the wrongs that's what it's giving all right guys um I appreciate you Courtney um please clip this for your channel because you were you were dropping you were dropping some gems it'll be uh it'll be interesting because um what Courtney is going to be doing soon is talking to women um because a lot of times we just talk amongst ourselves in this space men just talking to barbershop and the whole nine so this is a really powerful conversation thank you so much thank you I appreciate it thank you for to tell me I appreciate it of course thanks for giving me your perspective no problem bye guys bye all right Julia do you have energy or are you tired we can keep going I do I want to ask you a question though do you feel like it takes more than from a man's perspective do you feel like men always know themselves I think men find themselves through their work right so if you look at um so I'm not a super good Christian but I quote the scripture a lot if you look at um scripture um God gave Adam the garden before he gave him Eve right so a lot of times men find their purpose and through their purpose they find themselves specifically like I tell women yo look at his LinkedIn before you look at his IG like his IG is his facade his his character but his LinkedIn is really what he's about where he's interested in um so yeah interesting um we have somebody in the back who is also in the Navy um Brandon Navy guy within yeah yeah yeah um yeah so I'm gonna bring him up and we're gonna keep it short but I want to know kind of what his perspective is on this how you doing brother how you doing what's going on how you doing how are you I'm all right I'm just uh I've been keeping up with this story because it's been all over the you know the social media and I've been seeing it here and there and I've been looking some of my favorite content creators just talk about it I'm like okay what they saying what they're saying I guess I was first thing I'm gonna say I saw your IG live with Mellie last night uh and I'm gonna just agree with the dudes in there first off that you didn't have to choose to like the dude or go on a date with him you didn't have to wasn't required uh I think what bugs me being in the Navy and I just completed the path he's about to start um so understanding what he's about to go through and what he had to do to just get to the starting line it's just like it's a lot um it's he's going to be something that people don't get to do because they're smarter they're good or they're intelligent he's gonna do something that's like I said I put it in the chat earlier that you know less than five percent of all humans have ever done in their lives he's either going to be on an aircraft carrier or a submarine uh one of those two things that's what that's what the nuclear train guys go so with the career stuff I want to keep that short um I mean really just like in like the last one was saying like he threw a lot of attributes and a lot of qualities at you at the beginning of it I think the way he might have presented them to you may not have you know you didn't receive them in a way that would have sounded pleasing to you but he named off just about everything that women typically look for him and I think the only one she missed was the ambition he had uh because he also mentioned that he went pre-med for pharmacy at 17 uh so that's a guy that you know you're pre-med at 17 and you know where most people are high school don't know their ass from the hole in the ground he's already learning to be a pharmacist and he's like that's boring it's not challenging enough so he went back to school then he went you know he took that test which is you know I don't know if you know what that test is but it's one of the more challenging academic exam that you could ever take anywhere for anything uh so I mean like I said the intelligence thing is there uh but what he's going that is undeniable he is extremely smart yeah yep yeah for sure he's intelligent definitely um so just like for me it's like understanding where he's got to go and what he's got to do like I think you mentioned earlier like can you go to strip club with him like I'm I'm a retired I'm a retired sailor and he's about to become one that's that's what we do we go to the strip club and while out and drink and have fun I don't know if you've ever heard he stereotypes of sailors but yeah that that part of his life is going to be abundant and it's everlasting his entire time he's going to be there and I wish he would have shared some of that with me that's what he wouldn't he wouldn't know he wouldn't know I'm a retired guy I did 20 21 years and yeah we we had we had fun and we went everywhere and I've been to probably 15 to 20 countries having fun you know going to strip club overseas is uh way different than it is in the States I'll tell you that much magic city is boring to me that that's the experience so I mean just the things that he was going to go do and I know he didn't really he didn't know and he didn't really pass them on to you but I think the the biggest thing I could say the lesson to kind of look at something for the future for yourself and for you know any of the other women that might be listening is uh like the previous guest was saying is that you kind of have to look at us in a different way when we're trying to explain our personalities what we like and what we're thinking about most of the time because we present them in a different way than how you would present your personality uh our work is important to us because we want to be successful in life and we want to be successful for the people we care about later on in life when we get to that point so being able to say you know I can be a provider and a protector and all that stuff is that's what makes us happy is having someone to provide and protect for that's like the number one thing is I want to be able to sit at home watch my wife and kids you know live a good life and be able to do what they want to do and have the things that they you know I didn't have when I was younger I want them to have where I was lacking in my life so it's one of those things where we may not convey it the way that women convey it to themselves or to us yeah but I think women have to kind of maybe take a second and learn how it is we're conveying the things that you want to hear but diagnose it from a perspective of how we say it yeah I that's fair I can totally understand that and respect that I have a question though so when you were like active did you have time like for a relationship in those kind of things oh yeah I had many relationships long term short term situationships all that I had everything so I was with my my daughter's mom for six years she moved around with me it was great we went on vacations went places that she wanted to go in the country a lot of the guys who were married that was around and work with they brought their wives overseas I was overseas for 12 years in my 20 year career and their wives and family were right there with them and whenever we were back in they were on vacation going all over Southeast Asia wherever they wanted to go and it was cheap and a lot of it was free because you could just get on a military plane wherever they're going and be like yeah I want to hop along and want to go to Japan oh there's a flight leaving tomorrow if you can make it okay I'll go that's also that's also interesting though because I also feel like to be with somebody who is in the military you have to you gotta be okay with that's a certain lifestyle too that you gotta be okay with yeah it's a rough lifestyle and it's one of those things that you have to adapt to with the family and as a person like you have to change and like for him he's going to whatever things he might have you might have saw we're lacking or felt we're lacking those are gonna get fixed pretty quickly like he's going to be he doesn't have a choice but to be a good leader he doesn't have a choice but to have a great personality and with dealing with people and having to making big decisions in his career he doesn't have a choice it's not something that he can just be like an average guy doing a job you have to be above average or better every day or you go away because for our job you have people's lives in your hands with the decisions you make and you have to know what you're doing on all times you can't just fake it till you make it you're like you either know or you don't if you don't you gotta go yeah not for sure that's a huge job that's a lot of responsibility oh yeah I will say this though just to be clear I want to like reiterate this for sure because that's like people feel like I did not appreciate his intelligence or like or way I it's not the fact that I didn't appreciate yeah yep I get that it was like I was never trying to like discredit it or being like oh it doesn't matter I think for me the point that I'm just trying to get across yeah yeah it didn't feel like you were being disrespectful at all I think it's just I think the issue is is that from an outside perspective is that what you were looking for he presented in a way that you didn't receive either because you weren't familiar how to receive it or interpret what he was saying or he just didn't present it well enough one of the two I don't know but for me he gave the things that you were looking for him to present he gave a little bit of he gave a good bit of those just from my perspective and like I said I understand what he was conveying because I'm a guy I'm also in the Navy so I know where he's going to go do so him conveying you know he likes martial arts and he's you know the ambitious guy that I can go do the hard things that no one else is going to try to do on their best day yeah and I and I feel that I understand that I just also think and again yeah he was not wrong for saying that because yeah that's that's being a provider is what a man is right that's in society that's it's an important thing and we're more than that too it's just those are the things that we're the most proud of and we want to have somebody see and recognize those are like the most important things is hey I can I'm succeeding in life I'm not I'm not I'm not pooky and ray ray down on the block yeah like trying to help you use the waters for 10 dollars I guess when I said like oh I need somebody with some personality when I said it made it seem like fuck everything else he was talking about yeah I only need personality you know I mean so I understand yeah it seemed like he was he was boring and lame like I don't I need somebody with something going on and it's like he had those things he just didn't convey them in a way that says I have these wonderful things and these are cool and his what makes me awesome you know type of way he was he was more could preserved and held back from it because like we get you know as men we get kind of dinged on for being the way he is and having those accolades when we express him that way yeah from other from other men too and it's not just women it's other men you know most of our lives and then you know you get to adulthood and then it starts to also be the women that you may try to court or talk to you or whatever and it's just it's a misunderstanding of the communication it's not that you did anything bad or wrong or that he did anything bad wrong there's just speaking two different languages at the same time he you're asking him to show you something and he's conveying it to you in a way that he knows how and then you would have to interpret that flip it to the language that you understand and be like okay I get it and in that instance you know the two minutes you had that didn't happen that's unfortunate but it's nothing that you did wrong it's just just a something that we as you know especially black men and black women we got to start understanding how each other communicate and start absorbing things and I'm going through the same thing with my sister right now too she's 26 and she has she can't I'm just like I'm struggling to get her to understand like he doesn't understand she's kind of infatuated with the pookie right now see I'm gonna keep it I'm gonna keep it real with you I'm past that point in my life I don't want to yeah I don't want to yeah I don't want to yeah I simply just want what I feel like is a good mesh for me yeah yeah I got you I got you yeah yeah that's my way but I want somebody that likes them and it's a good fit for them we just got to figure out how to find those things and identify them yeah in the other the other sex is language yeah because like I said we're not going to communicate it the way that you understand it in your head necessarily and you're not going to communicate the things that we want or no looking for necessarily in the language that we understand so we have to work to to look and see okay where the qualities I'm looking for me me ask these questions or figure out how to talk to you in a way that gets you to give me the thing that I'm looking for because I think it's there I see it but I need to make sure yeah like I just so again I just felt like I just needed like a little bit more like a little more or even just I think I was just looking for him to present it differently that yeah I mean you hit it on the head I think for me the most frustrating part about it was literally like automatically it was just like oh she doesn't appreciate his qualities or oh she doesn't want this because she wants this and I'm like what I was yeah that was coming from people who saw the qualities that you may have expressed early and alive that you were looking for he just expressed them in a way that you didn't understand or didn't take in yeah and so I think for me that's honestly what pissed me off about or is just like oh he automatically wants a thug or she automatically wants to urge that and I'm just like that's not what I said I just felt like I needed somebody with some personality but I just heard I guess watching it was like oh well he did tell you about his personality and the things that he likes to do and to me I felt like that's your job description yeah well yeah like I said karate stuff I kind of read it in a little bit because I was curious about the business degree and going back to come like what would you do in that in between because you were a whole pharmacist before at you know doing pharmacy stuff at 17 you know those four years of pre-meds I'm like what did you do between 21 and 27 so I mean I had questions obviously about them when I think about them like okay what did you do with your life in this period you went back to school okay did you do anything in between school and working like did you have a job did you have something else going on and like say you mentioned the karate that's you know that's martial arts that's cool I just think for me I felt like you know she was only reading off his resume to me and I'm like I'm not putting you on payroll for real that's just like how I felt about it like because if you really watch the clip because some people honestly just like chopped it up and like pieced it together but like well me he was a freaking nuclear physicist my I set up in my seat I was like oh shit like yeah that's a joke and then literally I was saying this earlier you literally saw the decline because I was waiting for something like specific and again I just felt like he was reading me off his resume yeah yeah and Ellen said that's just the thing that that's how we present our characters and qualities and attributes so like can I be committed to doing something can I be successful at something can I be ambitious and go the next step forward instead of staying stagnant so that's how we kind of present those qualities that women say they want in a man yeah we say here's what I've done to prove that I am actually that have that characteristic I'm ambitious because I'm going into the military and I had to do all this process or you know what the pharmacy school that got boring and too easy I want to do this now I'm going to go do this other hard thing uh I'm intelligent you know I'm reading books and all that stuff so I have these qualities but we show them by here's what I've done to prove that I have these qualities it's not I have them it's I'm doing these things to show you that I'm legitimately this type of person yeah and then I also think like for me I automatically got written off is I didn't appreciate it but it was just like did I really or did I challenge anybody else feel like is the only standard yeah yeah and that's that's like I said that's one of those things where it's tough because if that's your standard that you've held anyway and people don't know you from when you were on the show they only saw the little clip they don't know that that's the standard you held anyway um but they see who's around them and women that look like you who don't hold those standards yeah uh and they assume that you're the same as them and it's tough because I you know men get looked at the same way you know I might look like I got a scruffy beard and glasses on but you know four months ago I was you know a guy that was in uniform standard detention square jawline and all that stuff that you would think about a military guy and I was that guy but now I'm like I'm out here in the world doing what I want to do and going to festivals and doing road trips to nowhere just because I can't I have free time and I'm retired so I'm like I'm gonna do what I want yeah and so question do you feel like that's fun for you uh it's different because I've always felt restricted and what I can do and what I can say and where I could go in parts because I was kind of in the leadership level in the military so I had to kind of be the example for the younger people all the time it had to be you know tough rigid and always doing the right thing or at least perceived to be doing the right thing all the time so now that I don't have that burden anymore I'm just like I'm doing what I want to do you feel like you ever had a moment to where you were like oh shit this is foreign to me what the fuck am I doing after getting out yeah um no because I just did so many things I just wanted to be able to do like I want to like wearing regular clothes is an experience to me every day like I get to wear a shirt and tie and you know dress pants and stuff to work and I'm like I'm so glad I don't have to wear that hot uniform anymore every day so just wearing regular clothes is just nice to me because like I come home and put on some sweats or some shorts and chill at the house or you maybe run to the store nothing serious but now I gotta wear you know now I get to wear all kind of nice dress shirts every day and that's like it's liberating innocence oh yeah absolutely I'm I feel free of a burden that I didn't know I was carrying um it's weird because you're not restricted like it's not like you just have to be this perfect uptight person in the military you could be who you want to be as long as you follow the rules the rules aren't that hard but it's just there's a pressure and a weight on you to be more than you think you can be all the time and then you have to show other guys that they can be more than that that they are being right now you have to teach people like here's how you be better than you are right now here's how you can change your own life and take control and go beyond what you're doing right now and it's it's challenging but it's also rewarding to see people actually take the take heed of your word and be like oh I didn't realize I could do that this is easy now I'm succeeding I'm making progress and doing better in life so yeah I was that was the reward but the you know like I said t