So, this streamlives.js updated, so I don't know now if things have changed defaults or some shit, like, I'm just hoping everything functions. You'll see, eventually. Eventually. Wait, oh, there you go. All right. Things look like they're working. That's something. Still not seeing anything. Oh, I think that's up to you. People are gonna be so confused. Like, you do know this is not a Saturday.  Not only is it not a Saturday, it's just a completely different time. I just didn't notice. I just, I literally just asked all of you five, hey, you want to do a stream and you were like, yeah. That was it. Yeah, love to do a stream. Have a good time. What's going on here? Yeah, I know. Yeah, the chat's already doing it.  This is the most necessary eFap of all time. Had to be done. Never before has an eFap needed to happen. Well, it's an exclusive. You don't see many people who've survived Gollum getting to talk about their story. How they did it. What happened? What Gollum did to them? What I've seen, I wouldn't know how you did do it. A lot of people didn't do it. The Lord of Ring. I wish I hadn't survived. Yeah, you know, it would have been nice just to... What was he doing when he died? Oh, he was playing his Lord of the Ring game. It was funny because I had no intention of playing this and then I saw Az played it. Then I saw Jay Longbone play it. Blaming Maul is like, oh, I know my time is running out. Did take a bit of an arch, but you fell right up for that Gollum cliff into his arms. Yeah. What an experience that has been. To help people understand, a compilation has been made of many of the events of this game, from myself, Az, Metal, and later Jay Longbone's streams. You know, there's been a lot of trauma. There's been a lot of struggle. There's been a lot of, you know, growth. Yeah, growth. You want to come to understand a lot of things.  Sorry for this strange hour, but trust me, this was literally the only slot left. We tried all of them. This was the only one we had left that fits everybody. And I say fits very broadly. I am alive at this time. Yeah, each of the people here were alive at the time. That's what was important. So, you know, you get this, even though I claimed several times over that first, there would never be an EFAP on it. Second, that I would never have anyone play it. And third, that I would never complete it. I claimed all of these things. You lied in every single instance.  They were not said as lies. The right hell is a good intention. Yeah, I was just trying to do the right thing. Not finishing Golem is a good intention. Yes. So, see people are complaining about the time, but it's like, you can watch it whenever you want, all right? But these people here, this was the only time that could work. What do you read these people?  So, a bit of history, a little bit of history. They released Lord of the Ring Golem. It was not very great. There was no expectation of it being great. Honestly, I traced a bit of the lead up. And it was kind of a nightmarish production that nobody would ever want to have to deal with, I think. It got reset several times. It's been disappointing. Any kind of like releases ahead of time. Everything you see to do with it, you're just like, why? Why make a Golem game? What's the point? And then you're like, it could work. Mahler, people have been clamoring for a Golem game for years now. The huddled masses yearning to break free of the standardization of Lord of the Rings games where you play as Aragorn, or Legolas, or Gimli, or like, oh, Soldier Warrior. No, enough of that. It's time to break the mold. This is what Tolkien would have wanted, a Golem game. You really do want it? Hold on a game. If they did have access to the IP and they used it for this. It is amazing. How many studios would clamor and just pay anything to get the Lord of the Rings branding?  As far as I'm aware, yeah, I thought it was. It sounds like it is, because whenever you hear about Rings of Power and stuff like that, you only get parts of the mythos to work with. You only get the rights to certain elements of the fiction. So there's entire characters and events and times. They call Gandalf in this game. Did they call him by name? No, Gandalf is said in the game at least once. All of us highlight it because we're like, oh, if he's called Gandalf, then why aren't you calling him Gandalf instead of Wizard? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Maybe my question is, is it like a buffet when it comes to the Lord of the Rings copyright?  And depending on what you get, that's how much you pay for. So stuff like Aragorn, Legolas. That will be really expensive, but you'll be like, okay, we can get Gollum. He's pretty cheap, but I can't. It depends on the age that you're doing and the characters that appeared in that age. Because if you do like the third age, then you've got access to so many of them. Like the first age or the second age, then you have you buy the third age bundle. It's expensive, but you get a lot of stuff to work with if you buy the third age bundle. And, you know, if maybe you have to pay to be able to say the word Gandalf, maybe just to show him. And then if you want more than I have paid more or whatever. But I was already thinking, imagine a Gandalf game from these guys. It would be you clunkily walk. You have one move where he goes, huh, and the staff goes forward and a blue light heads forward and a little blue light. Yeah. Nice and slow. And then yeah, we really clunkily. Lock every enemy.  Yeah.  And you can upgrade your character where he'll do 5% more damage per level. And there's three levels. That's easy. Yeah, that's nice and easy. Yeah, that's that's an easy way to make your health go up a little bit. Yeah, wait for the shitty Gandalf platforming. That's going to be great. And like, Gandalf was famous for his platforming. Yeah, he can jump. I think actually in the Fellowship of the Ring, he was de-platformed. Oh, true. And he was able to get back. I can picture one of the great unlockable moves would be self heal. And he just does the exact same animation as that first animation, but it's green instead and doesn't fire a projectile and your health goes up. Oh, yeah, that's right. Same animation. His staff goes forward.  Gandalf platformer just gives me vibes of an old flash game. Like someone, someone really liked, someone really liked the Lord of the Rings.  And then, you know, it turns into a 2D sprite game.  And that would be incredible. And off platformer was in progress. So because that first movie we were talking about, it would be like your wizard strike.  And then it's like unlock flames of undone later. And you're like, oh, and what's that? And it's like, it's the exact same animation. It's just red. And it does double damage. I could this team, I would actually see them being like, wow, that's clever. Instead of one, that's a good question.  Uh, Daedalic, who we did it. Sorry. I had loads of people in chat depressed as hell because they like some of the games from them previously, but I'm pretty sure it's like a gutted team. Like this isn't the same team anymore. But as far as I understand, they made the point and click. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, so they're no longer there. Oh, yeah.  Bioware or something now. They're sort of like that level of... Oh, no.  It's just joined the league. There's not that many. There's more in existence than there are in the league, but you have to do something special to get in. Like Forespoken is in there, I guess, and Hunt Down the Freeman is another great example. I was going to say, like, what about historical ones? And it's like, it wasn't the ET game on like Ness or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's just so many. And yeah, Sonic 06 is probably another one. And you just don't want to join that league, but it can't resist. It's been drawn in and it earned its spot. It really did. So, yeah. So don't... Yeah, this will be this week's EFAP. So, yeah, we hit 2.40. 10 left till the anniversary. Oh, my. How incredibly exciting. We're of it every day. We draw closer to another area. You guys better get that sleep in. You better get some sleep done. I'll start building it up now. Building a little sleep battery. In any case, we will discuss what is in the game in the form of using a video that has been edited up by none other than Mr. Wolf himself. He's been watching and he's been, he's stitched together a lot of the streams to create a highlights reel. He has not played it himself. What does he ever intend to? I don't think. But this is... Well, you have the pleasure of watching this game like four times. Yeah. He's vicariously played it, hasn't he? He did let me know how fun he thought that was. So for me, this is going to be like a new thing, because I've not played this game and I don't actually know that much about it. I've only seen snippets of hilarity. Yeah. I've watched some of the stream on it and even I could only handle so much of the stream of it. Passively consuming this game was pretty painful. Oh, I feel so bad for you. So proud to know that you could do it. I just want to say, someone in chat said, legit thought this thumbnail was golemnailed to the cross. You died for our sins. It's not far off. It's not far off. I wanted that to be the ending. That would be way better. Golem on a cross. And on the third day, he rose.  That's the three options. Golem arise. The Pharisees won the argument. Golem won the argument. Right. Yeah. We'll get into all of those things. Don't you worry. Oh, man. I heard like straightforward summary of like what golem is as a video game. Shit. There we go. We're not like what is what type of game it is. It is a stealth platform. Oh my God. Yeah, you're right. That is what it is. Yes, you're right. Yes, you're right. Now that's a stealth platform. Okay. The premise. That's not fun. That's not fun. If you were presented with, you know, a golem game, it's like, what does that look like? You know, like what? I mean, the question why sort of hangs over the game, like a storm cloud, doesn't it? Like in every facet, why is it the way that it is? Why even is it? Why doesn't exist? In general. So it's worth mentioning then, of course, the premise is that you've been captured by the elves and Gandalf's interrogating you, asking you what information you gave away to Sauron and the orcs in Mordor when you were captured as golem.  I forget even where you are necessarily. It is just baffling. He's like, why would you have chosen this? Yeah. But how far are we going to get into it? But how far up in the timeline do you get? The game actually ends with golem pushing against the door that is on the other side of the door that is the speak friend and enter door. And so the implication of course being, Going to Moria. Yep, the fellowship. You're about to follow him into Moria. On the other side, Mastery is going to be up with him. Yeah, look, we go right up to there. Because the next golem game. So it really ties in seamlessly then to the film. Seamlessly. You wouldn't even know it. It's hard to believe that now, now whenever I watch fellowship of the ring and I see, I know what he went through. And I see golem and Moria. I'll know just what this poor creature went through. Oh, yes. And also I'll know what golem went through. And what happened to his sick haircut? Yeah. Yeah, he lost his hair in 10 minutes. What happened? They opened the doors. And he just went, you're so shocked the hair just fell out. Yeah. And I guess I will say it now, but yeah, I apologize for the next game that comes out immediately because I'm basically funding it. Because they got 2 million euros in tax money to make the next one. Isn't that great? They take the money I already paid and then I have to pay them again to play the game I kind of paid for already. Is this a German development company? Is that what you mean? Oh, they got it.   Yeah, and you've done some, yeah.  It's true. Phantom, you know, but it wasn't golem. Yeah, nothing compares to golem. It is or golem too, whatever. Worth the highlighting. Yeah, well, the Schneido Conner song was about. Golem. Oh, yeah. Most songs are about golem. Oh, okay. That's a really cool fun fact. Thematically, yeah. So me, as and metal actually streamed this from start to finish. You can go hunt down our playthroughs, if you wish, on our various channels. HVB gaming for as metal. It's, is it metal commander or a metal forge? Metal commander, right? No, I'm actually curious. Did YouTube break my link again like it does every time? No, it's still there. Oh my God. Scary. I'm sure. Time to celebrate. Don't trust it. It's metal forge. I mean, the channel is called metal commander, but the the name, if the ad is metal, so it doesn't matter. And for me, just homepage on the channel, scroll down, you'll find the unlisted set of all the games I play. Golem being the latest for reasons. That's the same for me. If they're, if they're not on the Moodle channel, they're in that playlist. Fringy rags and Theo have assorted levels of familiarity, and they're about to get a blast of what it's like.  I've been playing Street Fighter. So that's been fun.  I went all through tears of the kingdom. I was like, I'm going to take a break from streaming a bit. And then I go jumping back in with like Street Fighter and stuff.   Well, some of the best highlights in this video are from your stream as well. So it was worth it. Like I said, this stream kind of, it's an attempt at being chronological and it covers four different streams. So we will check out what it has. And then we will talk about the things because it's going to prompt a lot of memories. It is important for us to follow Golem's journey fairly accurately so that we can really get an idea of the story and the characters and, you know, how he became the way that he. The Golem. Not just a Golem. The Golem we all know and love. The Lord of Ring. It's just so, it jokes right themselves, man. They just don't even try. That's so funny. How did they do that? How did they do that? The Lord of Ring. The Lord of Ring. Every time I started this stream. The first time I read it, I read it as the Lord of the Ring. I thought that the Earth was in it. He's so, yeah. Isn't there, I think there's those in it, isn't it? No, no. The second there is not in it. The Lord of Ring. It's just the Lord of Ring. It looks like the Lord of Ring. The Lord of Ring, yeah. The Lord of Ring, yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. I would just insert the the in there the second time. Like my brain would just fix it. Once to fix it, yeah. Oh, brains like this isn't right. It's one of the all logical brain. It's one of the sentences you see online. They're like, hey, read that one again. Then it's suddenly like two with the the in there or just none. That's how this works. It's one of the sus moments for anybody. And he was a fan. They're like, oh yeah, I love Lord of Ring. They're like, what? Lord of the Ring. Is that like a movie? I'm not aware of. Is that about like, I don't know. Is that about like Nicholas Cage plays a jeweler or something? Lord of Ring. Is this about a guild thing? A mafia? I don't know. They're making a Lord of War sequel. The Elder Ring. It could be a Sonic game. Lord of Ring. Oh yeah. Well, that's Sonic and the Legend of the Rings. Is it? Or the Secret Rings? Sonic Cross with the Ring. Shadow would be like in now, Sonic. I will be the Lord of Ring. He would say that. And then Sonic's like, no, you won't. And Shadow will say, yes, I will be. And then he pulls out a machine gun. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's the kind of really cool rock music starts playing. Yeah. Let me tell you about Shadow. He doesn't mess around. Lord of Ring. I would picture Sonic and Dark Souls Cross. I would be called that. It would be pretty epic, I think. Very epic. Eggman. But I mean, enough about Shadow the Hedgehog, right? There's a different game. We appreciate, yes. Enough about Shadow. We have to talk about the Shadow of Bordor. Here we go. Not the game, just the concept. Go. That's very good. I'm not even in.  What? I'm not even in. There's only five people in here. I'll drag it back so that As can experience it. I didn't realize that you would like the title. We're missing one thing. Just like Gollum, he's missing many parts. All right. Lord of Ring. And it's like crayon. Yeah. Well, common sands, right? Like the. That's just how it goes. And it's got the crayon colors. The crayon and the alignment is all wrong, too. I haven't even started playing it. You're already in pain. Welcome to an afternoon. British stream from your old pal. He looks great. Long. Yeah. Look at that hair. I don't know if he wants to watch Smallers in Time. What's weird is that looking at Gollum, he actually kind of looks like a GIF. He doesn't look. He looks like a JPEG that's kind of moving around, you know, just the way that he's animated his face. He doesn't look three dimensional. It's also just a worry the whole thing. I have our playthrough of this. I haven't played a game in a while. I haven't streamed a game in a while. I've been busy, honestly, just absolutely pumping away at a video. But at one point I was watching it and I was in chat just marveling over how bad this game is and laughing. So I thought, I guess I should play it. As you can see, it's running perfectly well. I was about to say that. It's it's going to be mentioned in the video, the exact context we need for a performance. Don't you worry. Two. So it's going to get the logo looking to be sitting there. He is. Yeah. He's like, yeah, this is my game. I'm so happy to have my own game. It looks like one of the South Park Gray aliens. Look at him running his 25 frames a second, you know. It looks like just a human baby. An alien. I haven't seen, I haven't actually seen Jane Longbone's webcam here. And when I look down there, I, for whatever reason, my brain went, why does she have a frame? Why does she have a frame picture of Darth Vader?  You're like, nevermind. Carry on, carry on.  I like how up here it says the Lord of the Rigs, but I will forever call this Lord of Rig Gala. It's just too funny. Not too. And that's where they release a giant wall of text right on cue. And a lot of people noticed very quickly, what are the things of this? This is already bad enough news, seeing something like this, right? Just seeing it and just reading out. The Lord of the Ring. That does, yes. As dear players, we would like to sincerely apologize for the underwhelming experience many of you have had with the Lord of the Rig Gala. You even said it wrong. I did it too, yes. You said it wrong. It's really hard. Your brain wants to fix it. I had to get used to it to say it a couple of times to get used to saying Lord of the Ring, because it's hard. Lord of the Ring. I keep adding the verb by, it's Lord of Ring. Lord of the Ring. I thought it was Lord of the Ring. I keep instinctively adding the verb. Yeah. It's Lord of Ring.  It's absolutely terrible. And I've seen us obviously saw the apology from them, which apparently has a 94% chance or something of being generated by an AI. But can you already tell it just looks cheap? I don't know why, that's your icon. I think it's the font. I think it looks cheap because the font looks too normal. Yeah. The font looks like something you'd actually type with. Yeah, you'll see that throughout the game. You'll see that throughout the game. Oh yeah, heavily on the argument stuff. It looks so cheap. And ugh. Even the version zero point should just state it version zero. And more games, privacy policy, the font on that looks better than continue new game, etc. It's just cleaner and simpler. But this looks like someone just opened up a word document. And we're like, yeah, continue. It's like the fully dry version or something. Yeah, exactly. What do we got? A proto aerial?  Well, sure, it's fine. Could look better. Be thankful for the money, Steven. This cost me 43 pounds. I went to Steven to see if it was available.  Yeah. It's 43 pounds because that's what Gollum weighs. What was that with her or without? I got a good one. With. Definitely. When baller, uh, you got to play there. And that was like, okay. And I, uh, I went to steam to buy it. I honest to God, would not believe that it was 43 pounds. Yeah, because I was on the phone with you and I remember you, I knew that, but I hadn't told you that you found out. And I was like, oh, yeah, it is full price. Well, and let us remember scorn was 40 bucks when it was on steam. Thank God I got game pass because. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's one of those scorns of a different beast in terms of like, why it works. Yes. Mostly. And it looks good. It's just, yeah. Remember, what did I do to lose my progress in that game? I can't remember anymore. It like. Oh, it was when you got to the final round, right? I was jammed in the floor or something. I think you ran out of, uh, you ran out of, uh, ammunition and couldn't reload it or something. It's certainly that, yeah. You did restart and it went through all the way back to the beginning. Beginning of that section when you get off the tram. For anyone who wants to see that, we did a nefap on it. It was miserable. We did a nefap on scorn. And it's the kind of thing. It's recorded forever. Me, Metal and Rags would not be capable of doing a scorn nefap now. It would be impossible. Like, the memory is just gone. Most of the game is gone. It's like. Let's go watch a play for us. Just watch them. Yeah. So say forever.  I was like, I'll know how it ends through his stream. I ain't doing it. Garlem, however, I saw to the end. Yeah. I can, it turns out it was on. It's like $60, $50 to $60. And I was like, I'm not paying that. I'm just not paying. I can afford it, but I can't. I'm not paying that. But that's okay.  I'm going to compliment it wherever I can. For example, look at Gollum. He's looking at him. He's looking. He is definitely looking. He's looking around. It's a good day yesterday. We've got to get, we've got to get some context.   Is that Gollum? Is that the game? That was the Gollum fight. Yeah. I thought that was like a train or a barge going. Is that barge that goes past that other's window? Well, as Gary would say, the Thames. The Thames. The Thames. You can't blame people for calling it that. I can, and I will. It looks like the Thames. It looks like Thames. I just know. Even though you say that because you're American. The famous River Thames in the UK. So you would say that it's equally acceptable to say Arkansas? Kind of. Yeah. If you weren't aware of Arkansas's estate. Yeah. Kind of. I think that if you weren't aware of the Thames. Definitely. Yes. But what about the someone making the grievous era of Route 66? They would want to do that, would they? Well, everyone. Yeah. No, because over here, let me let me let you guys in on a little a little bit of American cultural lexiconography here. All right. So whether or not you say route or root, because here in America, it's it's like a regional thing, whether you say route or root. Route 66. Yeah, it is. Route 66 is always Route 66. No one says Route 66. Route 66 specifically is Route 66. Yeah. But do you understand like that? That that's just they should all be called roots because that's what they are. They're roots. You know, there are some people who would agree with that. And some people would. Rags is what they are. Well, that route, that's a different word though. That's that's a different word. That's R-O-U-T. There's no E in it. Yeah. But also route has an E. Yeah. But the reason why it's called Route 66 is because the word root is pronounced root.  Well, some people have decided that. Some people. Americans. You know, I don't even think a lot of people decided that. That's just the world that I happen to know. Because I'm a time traveler. I went back. Gollum is when they are. Gollum says root. He roots around. That's not good for you. Looking for snails and what not, some delicious edibles and what not. Did you say Gollum is a good role model? Yes. I think so. Piss of is. Does roll, right? Like actual rolling around. He's very endearing, isn't he? R-O-L-L role model. Because that might be true. I don't know. I don't know. I'm pretty sure he rolls in this game. One of the professional top players. No, he doesn't. He doesn't roll in the game. You can't do that. That sounds strange for a platformer with Gollum. Especially with such a. Very circular head. We will talk about it as we see visuals for it, but his control is a very limited.  Or take in the cringe. The cringe. I want a medium. Look at that frame rate. Oh, that's great. If you want to play this game. Absolutely erects everything. At 20 to 10 frame rate of 60. At medium settings. Then it is recommended that you have an RTX 3060. This is what you just said.  Actually, I didn't want it. Well, I didn't even know that. It's not be too harsh. I think that once, now that we've seen the game, just the loading screen alone. I have an opening menu. I think it's pretty clear why, and it's justified why you need that kind of incredible hardware to run this game. Because just, just look at those eyes. Yeah, look at the wall. Look at that. Look at the water. The way that it looks kind of like a liquid. Look at the flowers. I think those are flowers. Look at the moon back there. That's true. There's a moon back there. They rented the entire moon. That's lighting. There was lighting in this era. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, there is lighting. Lighting there, and there, and there, and there. Yeah. It's pretty easy. You missed some there as well. Oh, yeah, they do. Is the Harrison relation already activated in this part? I'm pretty sure it's not. But I don't know, because that costs you a lot. Do you like how on the water, on the right-hand side, there's just glare for no reason whatsoever? The moon is clearly on the left, but there's just random, random, bright-ass glare on the right-hand side. Well, it's the moon bouncing off Gollum's skin. It's that powerful of a reflection. Wow. I didn't think that such a- Someone spilled some white paint on the water. Yeah, it's there. Yeah.  That's the thing. I'm probably not going to complete this game. I'm not insane. Are you sure about that? Look at that water. Water looks kind of real, right? Like, that's how water moves. Yeah, I like water. Static background image that- I really hate that. It looks so tacky, like the- That looks pretty bad. It looks pretty bad, yeah. Why they decided to have it linger is- Why linger for so long? Look at that. It's like- What is that symbol? It looks like it's broken. Is that symbol the ire of Sauron? That doesn't look cheap at all. I don't know. Will there be a mini breakdown for this game? No. Liar. I'm not going to make it. Hashtag make as suffer. I'm on board with it, man. Oh, look at that. What's that goblin in front of you? It began, they say. Okay, right. I got it. Is Mahler making everyone suffer through the game? I was definitely not forced by Mahler or convinced by Mahler to play this, because it would be funny memes. Definitely not. You said you need to play it as I know. No, no, no. No, Mahler. No, Mahler, no. Consent means that both people are fully willing to engage in a particular behavior and express their consent by saying, yes, that's okay with me. Oh, why am I friends with that guy again? I have to call him please, Sekiro. I want to see you play it. I do intend to play Sekiro at some point. I just love the idea that we play this. Is it a way to have him play Sekiro yet? That's like your jam, right?  Whoa, darkies? Damn, Rags. Jesus.  They're actually Japanese in that game, so. I'll play it at some point. Are you trying to give me to say yellow solies? If only to just prevent Rags and racism. I wouldn't say that. No, I only in reference to what theoretically you were trying to get me to say. I personally disavow. I would never say that. I disavow disavowals. So you can't do that. Though I will say the connection here is that in the Lord of the Rings universe, there is Moon Runes. Lord, excuse me, Lord of Ring. Lord of the Lord of Ring. In fact, the universe itself is now called Lord of Ring Gollum. Lord of Ring Gollum. Everything else is born from that. When Rains of Power season two comes out, it will be called. You're watching Fellowship. I understand why is it called Ring Gollum. When he gets to two towers, like, oh, that's why. Oh, yeah. Gollum, there he is. Back to back. Like, is this like, yeah, you know, it's kind of one thing of the one side, one thing of the other. Collectibles. Oh, you collected a rope. You'll need that later. Gollum fingers there. I get so quick. You can. Air simulation. Oh, my God. We've got to have that on, do we not? Absolutely. Little platoon that was mentioning his greasy hair. Like, it changes performance significantly. I don't know if his hair has enough texture to display grease. All the default. Why has he got so much hair? What's weird is that you look at that and you're saying so much hair. Why does he have all that hair? There's so much of it. That's a bounty for me. That's a bounty. Too far down with it. Like, Transplanted Cubes. All right, downloadable content, lads. Let's see how a sweep is done. Oh, my God. An emoji pack. Look at this. A pack of six exclusive Gollum animations. Did you ever see those emoji? By the way. Yeah, they tin up in these clips as well. Why does it say a pack of six exclusive Gollum animations?  It means it's exclusive to those who buy that pack, okay? How much was it? You don't get to. I think it was like $2.99 or something. It was too much. It was horse armor. It was horse armor. Oh, my God. That's like 50 cents in emotes. So, you know. He said buy one pack of mustache for $2.99 like Brian did. The game was 43 quid. Give me my precious. You can't keep that away from us. By the way, I used exactly zero emotes in the game. Yeah. Well, that's your fault. That's your fault. Those give you a tactical advantage. I just call them emojis and stuff. I think it's funny. But when you floss on these orcs, so good. Well, in Fortnite, when they release the Gollum skin in Fortnite, you'll be able to floss and dab. And when you get that sweet, sweet victory royale. Oh, yeah. Bachelor animation. Excited to check that out. That's just wonderful. Excellent. What a great thing to have that you have to pay extra for. See, you trigger a special animation. Oh, there you go.  Sindarin. Go back. Is it going back? That's just, that's wonderful. Excellent. What a great thing to have that you have to pay extra for. Good job. There you go. $2.99. $2.99. $2.99 for the game. $4.99 for the lore. If you want the lore. Oh, the DLC doesn't, it's not $3.99 or $2.99 for all that other stuff. Yeah. No. It was individual things. Extra $11 for emotes, elvish, and lore.  It's just a lore compendium. You know what? No, to be fair, the lore compendium, I can't imagine someone like sitting down and writing books and books and books of Lord of the Rings lore. That doesn't sound like something. Yeah, I don't know. That doesn't really sound like something anyone would like do over a period of years and years, like trying to craft a lore. Yeah, that's that's pretty, I think that's fair that they did all that. It does feel like, like, did they just copy pages from someone else's stuff, or they just slap it into a digital thing and we're like, well, we're charging.  We hit copy paste. That's stuff going into. By the lore compendium, it just downloads rings of power on to your heart. Turn on. Can I not turn that on? Did I not get it? Uh-oh, switch. Oh yeah, the menu, the menu is really good in this game as well. So I can't even remember how I solved this. You can solve it. So if you click on with the mouse cursor, that does not work. If you hit enter with switch, that doesn't work. You have to do something else, I think, like.  No, the lore compendium. No, sender thing. Highlight that with the mouse and then you can hit enter. I think something like that. Then you could, something like that. Yeah. Oh, but it's really, it's an on sender and it's not.  I was almost convinced I just didn't have it. I also like that they dare not actually show a close up of the elves face. That would be a bad idea. We'll see another of those. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, well, I guess our elves can't speak Elvish. And then you got your lore compendium. Unlock entries of lore compendium while you can progress through the game. Look at that. So what did that actually do? Wow, that looks really good. That is actually, like I'm not trying to be mean, but that is like a kid might be able to draw that and just a lot of it anyway and just be like, yeah. Wait, is there like a, like text or is that, is that literally the picture? Is you have to go, I think you unlock all of the lore as you go through the whole game. You can't access it unless you buy the DLC, of course. And the way, this is the broad map that you see there. Oh, I see the little circles.  That's how the lore works. Look how this looks.  It's fine. It's really good. It's fine and good. Well, all right then. You lads ready for a new game. New game, here we go. Here we go. Typos, because that's... Sorry, new game. All right, really, really previous game. Do you want to proceed? Yes. The FPS tags what is in J logbook. Moller's response before 90% of the size of this game. True. That's me. Eyes are marbles. No eyes are marbles. No darkness they see. Spade loses as though safe. AI and be sick. Oh, are we done with that? Okay. Oh, god. Our hero. He's still funny. How are you? Shit, it looks. This evil finger reminds me of... That's Gandalf? That's a pretty credible voice. Why is he called Wizard if he's Gandalf? Because Golem doesn't know he's a Gandalf yet. They just said Gandalf right in front of him. Yeah, Golem wasn't paying attention. Only when Golem is finished and Dane's to acknowledge you while he learned your name. Until then, you are wizard. That's what he calls everyone he doesn't know, wizard. It is mostly wrong.  And there's the first wizard off as well. But what a comparison between anti-circus performance and the realities of what they gave us. This evil Sandiurcus. Yes. Oh, no, what's going on? No, I was just coughing, bro. No, I was just coughing, bro. Golem doesn't remember names, I guess. Well, but is that how they put their names up in front of this? Wizard, what's he got? Wizard brackets off. He's off screen and they didn't hear. I know, Dane. I am not trying to. Help you. Trying to rob you. You leave the back of it. Some random memes. Throw out of this. He took something from you. I think what probably happened was while they were writing out the script and like text form on their Word documents, they had the parentheses off so that they knew when they put it into the game. This is playing while they're not actually on screen, but they never took it off in the final product that still just got left on. That would be my guess. Quality off. Following the books by J.R. Why is he called Wizard off? Why is Golem off? Is that what it refers to? No wonder everything else doesn't do that. Yeah, it looks like off screen. Hey, deaf person. They're talking off screen. They're not blind. How does it work? Like, why do you do that? Just so the deaf people can keep up here. It's like the only game in history that we should probably have on or off based on whether or not they're on the screen. And no one said no to that. Desperately searching the screen for where the character's supposed to be. Oh yeah, this is the thing that's definitely happened. Very well. Oh, that just cut in. Hard to believe we haven't even gotten to gameplay yet. Never mind. Oh, okay. We're back. But he is. Golem has dwelled in the... Never mind. Nope. It wasn't that important. That comma is off, though. Right there next to Wraith. That comma is off. It is. There's an extra space after Wraith's good catch. Yep, yep, yep. Works comma space. If only we knew the origin story of Mordor. If only there was a brave, stunning and brave television show which showed us the origin story. March of the Gladiators. Hell yeah. Right, so do we need to also fork over this, too? Well, I mean we could talk about the incredible show that is the Amazon's Lord of the Rings. The Rings of Power. This is how Mordor happened. This is the origin of... Yeah, like Mordor. This is the origin of Mordor, remember? This is it. Old Man Waldreg put the sword into the slot and turned it. That old man Waldreg created Mordor. He's my favorite Lord of Ring Golem character, Waldreg. Waldreg is a really cool guy. He's really awesome. He does not too fond of elves, barely fond of men. He's a big fan of Sauron, though he's... Not too fond of Hygiene. That's the known of those... No, no, no, but none of the dirty national humans on this. Except for Bronwyn. She gets to wear color and be clean. Yes. Because she's amazing. That's why Arondir loves her so much.  Tear her ad. Well, I wish I could rewind it, but that lightning bolt went straight through that rock. And I don't think that was on purpose. Yeah, why even show it? It's not even sky above. Yeah, that means it's supposed to happen what? Where was that supposed to be? Honestly, they probably just applied a lightning effect in general to the background, but it wasn't far enough in the distance. And so it clipped through the mountain. No, that's how Mithril is made. Remember in Rings of Power, the lightning hit the Balrog and the elf in the mountain, and then it made all the Mithril.  Yeah. I already had enough trauma from Gollum. The Rings of Power is better than this probably. Yeah, baby. I don't know. Wow. He's like, you got to relax. Don't force it.  Drop a lot. What? Wow. The animation is already incredibly cheap. It's incredibly good.  This is what they're best. This is what they've got to show. No, it's the beginning of the game. This is stuff that everyone's going to see.  This is at the very beginning, this stuff everyone's going to see. This is where you're going to flex. Here's the thing, Rags. You may have added a lot more words, but you basically just said one more time. The beginning of the game, they're putting their best foot forward. Well, now you're saying what I said. Now what he said is true. Now you've done it. Now you've done it. Now you've done it. How successful this was. But anyway, I'm moving on. As no, you say it. No. I did it ironically. You were doing it for reals. Oh, look at us. I did it ironically. Oh, look at us. Yeah. Oh. All right. It's already bad, Jackie. Matt, look at that. Can you turn off that motion blur? Or is that like... Nope. They're doing it. That's how fast he moves.  Can you turn off the motion blur? He was not allowed to turn off motion blur. Nope. That's not allowed. Wow. Wow. Not only that, as you can tell from just watching him walk around, that it's extremely restrictive. Like, it's not free form. It's blocky. You've got to move the mouse in coordination with Gollum. Remember how I went to visit Mutely and he made me watch Glass Onion twice? Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. The way that this is what... So the way motion works is that... Like, the camera doesn't automatically follow you based on your, like, movements or something. It's like your camp... The right... Your mouse controls the camera and all of your movements are relative to... So it's like you're playing a FPS, like a third-person action game. Yeah. So I think I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Do you have the thing in here where I go over this control thing? Otherwise, I'll do it now. What it means to be along that. Here are seven warning signs of emotional... Pandemonium break! It's a data. I got that. I just jumped. I jumped. Yeah, I got it. I got it because I jumped. Do you, though? Yeah, I got it because I jumped. There's little invisible triggers. Oh, God. Oh, my God. This is flying into the screen. I was trying. It is chewing up the hot... Is it a streaming thing for her? Is that why we're getting the low frames? Well, so it's a company. No, this is the... Well, so she sees it better than we do, but as far as I'm aware, this is still like the game just chugging in general as well, because she does stop playing because she can't play it the way that it is. It's probably the game unnecessarily... Takes all the resources and then OBS doesn't get anything anymore, and then it just skips all the frames. Yeah, I guess after seeing those recommended specs, I can believe that if you don't have a pretty really strong computer, this is just not... You have to brute force your way through this game. This is so unoptimized. It randomly chugged for me at completely random places, and I don't even know why. And I had my task manager...  Probably, yeah. But then like... Like you hit that invisible trap wire and it starts loading things. But yeah, it's like places where you wouldn't expect it. Like it doesn't even look like a thing you go through or anything. But I was looking at my task manager, and I was like, my CPU is at 40%. My GPU is like 20%. Like everything is asleep. Why is it chugging? So, oh, it's the game.  Yeah, it's just... Optimization is unbelievable. And I will say an advantage that J. Longbone has that none of you do is that because she has less frames to work with, she gets to savor each individual frame for a longer period of time. So all of the beauty that you see, the rain, the shiny dirt, Columns ass... I don't understand these font choices, I gotta say. Look at them. Yeah, new objective is like italicized and thin. Day is near. Go back to your cave. Day is near. It should probably also be an exclamation. And see, look, it's the same for the software. It was... Columns got the same text as day is near. Go back to your cave, but then it's the same font as new objective. What is that? Yeah, like they swapped it. You'd think that new objective would be like Columns, and day is near would be like... Yeah, you would think that. Or alternatively, just pick one and stick with it. Just pick one font. Yeah, the font for new objective feels like the closest thing to Columns text that we've seen so far. Yeah, maybe that explains everything. Columns was like the creative lead of his own game, and no one had the heart to tell him no. So it's just... They went with it, they took the gamble, and it paid off. Columns, you know, he's got that power power. Columns time for his time's new roman bow. Like it ran.   Jesus Christ! Oh, the 223, like the best and worst year for gaming ever. That's like the best and the worst at the same time. Yes.  We're just like, what is going on? Like, what is this year? Just close your eyes and think of God of War. All right, first things first. Let's kill ourselves for the fun of it. That's what you've got to do in these things. You lied. So this is the introduction to the deaths, which is hilarious. It's so unceremonious, in matter of fact. It's like the game is just sort of like doing something else and it doesn't get all year's time. It is one of the most genuine like, oh, you stepped out of bounds, so restart.  And I don't know if it's a glitch or just the construction of it, but every once in a while you don't get any noises. A lot of the time you'll get, ah, or whatever, but sometimes it's just nothing. And you're like, oh. Quietly. I'm pretty sure I had the death sound after I loaded into my reload. That'll be great. I can believe it. Not the most impressive death screen, but that's okay.  Oh, we made the same joke. Yeah. Yay, we did it, yay.   You ejected the daze, Nia. Go back to your place. That one's on fire. Wow. By a bad. Neh, neh, neh. Just gloss over it. It's just never not funny. Every time. Game over, you died. It's so sudden. This is like. Like the period at the end of you died just makes it so. You can get my keyboard right. So this is me hitting the D button. Oh, wow. So if I hold forward and just tap the D button, it doesn't do anything. That's insane. I don't know when I've lost. If controls aren't important, I don't think you need to make any decision. Not really. No, is there anything in this game? But the fact that you have to hold it down. The worst, the better. I've been told. Honestly, with this game, at least it would create more. Well, there is mean value. Like you see how it snaps to the left and right? That's crazy. So you run, bam, bam. I feel like half a second or something. I don't remember if I've ever seen this before. Good. God, did you see how jittery that was? I, it's amazing. It's so amazing.  There's no purpose to it at all. They just let you do it.  By the curve of the ceiling.  It's a wonder Gollum survived long enough to meet Bilbo. It really is. Just make you wonder if the game was tested by humans. Yeah, you do. So you don't account for any human behavior. Gollum play tested his own game. Gollum do the notorious braille. That's why he's the way he is. But that's clearly death. That's why he's got the head. So here's a little tip for you doing tutorials. If you want people to drop, put that input for the button somewhere where you actually want them to drop. It's so borked.  Press this button. You're like, but why? It'll be fun. Yeah. And it'll work really hard on the death screen. Would you like to see it? And at the same time, it doesn't tell you to go up when you reach the thing you need to climb up. It just keeps telling you to drop. It's like they want, they know it's like just drop.  Yeah. You don't want this. And not over a death pit. Do I have the... No, I didn't buy the... Oh, oh, oh. That's why I didn't buy the emote pack. I like how he doesn't even know what happens. Moving on. Why not? Oh my god. Cooly. Fuck. Damn it. Good luck getting into a scene like this.  He's like, he's still running as he's falling. What the...  That's hilarious. Just a dead end video game? You're not gonna reward me with something? No. Oh, it went right through. This is like the first seven minutes of the game and nobody caught these. This is a 2023 game. By the way, we are like... We're like 30 seconds into the game at the moment. Yeah.  It's ridiculous. This game is long. More sense that it's a 2023 game. Don't you think? Surely this is copyrighted. Sure, there's no way that this song isn't copyrighted.  That's probably already enough then. Maybe. I was distracted.  I just... I was like, I heard a song and I'm like, oh, wait a second. We gotta sing along with it, all right? I could always sing to you. Oh my god. I never did, dude. Oh, wait, this already over. Yeah, we're good. Okay, we're good. All right, we're good. That's my freedom. This is probably some of the rings of power you're in. Yes, hiding from the great eye we think's long gone. When we came, they nassed out. Why is it like Aaron's brown eye? Gullible. Why is it more coming out of the black one? He's got a red eye we saw earlier. It's not just me. Why is it more of the warrior coming out of the left? No, that's in the game like that. Yeah, it's an intense choice to try out. You know, sometimes it just does that. He's talking in your ear or something. Is that what they want? Oh, that's just the... I gotta tell you, that's really annoying and it doesn't make much sense in terms of perspective. I'm just trying to guess as to why it might. Oh, I don't know. I think I can totally believe that off-screen, they're breaking the 180 rule and so you're hearing the voices and corresponding voices. He is currently Gollum off, so it's fair. It makes sense. Gollum off, yeah. Gollum off. At one demented grasshopper in a bug's life. Oh, wow, that's a callback. You must have had friends, one. A family.  Cast us out. Cast them all.   I'm definitely copyrighted on that one. Slightly copyrighted queen music. Okay, yeah, yeah, look at them, they're fighting. No, no, you can't put this in the video. No, this is queen. Okay, yeah, look at them. Okay, there you go. Okay, finally back to Gollum. Poof. Oh, I think I got a good content in this show. Moats. Queen on. Oh, this is one of the moats. Check it out. Check it out. That was nice. Okay. I like how he never looks at the bug. Oh, yeah. What's this? What's this? What's this Gollum vision? Oh, it's Eagle vision. I should still have a guess. But I turned it to low. So horrifying. You're kidding me, right? I just, I thought we'd nailed platforming ages ago. I didn't realize there was still kind of a challenge for developers. Now what? Sprint toward the wall. Okay. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.  Doesn't that defeat the object of the climbing mechanic? No, because sometimes you have to press left shift instead of E. Yeah.  It's just like Gollum can climb basically everything usually.  But then sometimes they're just like, nah. Then he won't climb something which is like half the size of something that he can jump on. It's so inconsistent with what the rules of what you can do and what you can't do. I feel like it's going to become a growing problem with games as fidelity keeps getting better, like keeps arriving at this point in terms of signposting what you're supposed to be able to interact with. Not in this game. Yeah. Well, I was just going to say like as graphical fidelity gets better, I was like Gollum.  This is this is an indie game. It was early access. It's low budget. You're like, sure. That looked like it should never work, to be honest. Yeah. Oh, wow. The amazing stealth mechanics I can tell already. Oh, gosh, yes. You're in for so much.  Well, this is going to be miserable. All right, lad. Oh, what? That abuse punched in the back of the head. Wow, what that is. Oh, wow. Come on. So it's the detection game over. Yes. You'll see some trying to run away.  It just it just locks you into an animation. Wow. You don't even have the option to use a knife to stab him. Right, right, right. There we go. Nah. Oh, no. Oh, wow. That's all yours away. Oh, wow. Look at that. Wow. No.  Shoot him. You can't believe it. One of us will starve to death eventually. What do they think a player is going to do? Right? This is the first thing I want to do is just to see how they deal with it. And it's like, you can't. That's sad. Moving on. I don't know if this is in here, but at some point I'd do something like this and just leave to have a piss. Like, not a single playtester. And then I go back and de-aggro them. It just pisses on Gollum. Not a single playtester.  Well, the reality is that maybe someone did and they saw this and went, most people won't do this. It's fine. I guess. Which is sad. Most people won't do the normal stuff that people do in video games. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It didn't count on us playing this game. Whatever. I'm trying to say yes. What was that? I'd love to see that in slow-mo. It happens all the time.  Correct. And it just drags the bottle. It makes it just impossible to judge if you're allowed to make the jump. You see or not.  And he tried and he just snaps onto it. It's like, oh, okay. What is happening? What is this? This specific area is a forced crawl. Is there like enemies over there or something? Wait, this is our friend, isn't it? Yeah, that's buggy. This is buggy. Buggy says hi. You're buggy. You can jump and buggy. You can't.  Get him, gollum. No. Just mother. One will end. Oh my god. Right. What happened? This is what you look like whenever you're in stealth. That's stealth mode. What? That's stealth mode. Like you're in shadow. In shadow with glowing eyes, like gollum. It's just like a movie. Yeah. It's like they're equivalent of doing the Splinter Cell where it's got like the green lights with your hands. No, this is lore accurate. Yes. Why did they do this? Why did they do this? That's a great question, Frank. Why did they do all of this? What were they doing? Yeah, why did they do what? Precisely. What were they thinking? Seriously? It's amazing that he's doing both a horrifically racist impression of blacks and Asians at the same time. He's going to get... I do not approve of this. Omega cancelled. Do not approve. Stealth mode. Fuck. Bro, this is... You're going to get cancelled instantly. His makeup is making me sick. I'm going to have you all fall in the clouds.  That's already... He would be quiet. How wrong we were. How could you? You're not in the... You're not in the movie. Game just decides no. It's so much funnier that if they had walked over and grabbed him, it just goes, no. You're not in blackface.   You can't make this jump. There's no way. I'm getting away. See? I told you. I told you. He's making his face falls. I was fooled by that many times as was Mattle where he will make a motion that looks like he's ready to make the thing, but he can't. He's lying to you. This is what you get for trusting Gollum. What?  Did you not see the movies? You can't trust Gollum. Yeah, he did the jumping. He says, I can do this. He trusts me. I can do it. Trusting you. Let me crawl behind them again. Oh, God, they make me black again. Oh, no. We heard the sound of little legs being broken. Take this one first.  Everyone who does this section, everyone has issues with it. I want everyone to know it's as simple as you hold Q and it straggles it, but look at this several... Why don't we hold? Obviously, you think it's tap. You'd think. Yep. Yes, you think it's tap. Yeah, you have to signpost before you start doing it that it's a hold prompt or people are going to tap it. Because it doesn't hold on. Yeah, it doesn't use a carpet. And then the Q goes off the screen. Then it comes back. Now you think you have to crack with a Q and then stop tapping the Q. It's just like Theo said, you have to tell people to hold it. If you don't tell people to hold it, they won't. Yeah, it's intuitive that you tap, tap, tap. You're doing a strenuous action in the game. Well, it's just tap, tap, tap. It's intuitive even that you just press the button once. This is what I mean. There's so many ways to do it.  Every game, every game that makes you pulse. They have the icon like pulsing or something. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we're thinking this out. I think the big thing that fucks us all over is the fact that it disappears as a prompt and then comes back. It's like, what, what? Yeah, that's what I did. Yeah. And? No. Take this. So like, is this all the stealth is? Like, you just hide in... Yes. That's, that's, that's basically it. Well, that's, yeah. It's getting even better. And then did he just sit around? I know you're back. Oh, like, no, all right.  Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Okay. This totally feels... Control-wise. Molo, maybe you can help me with this. But control-wise, this feels like a bad PlayStation 2 game. Do you remember when the PlayStation 2 came out and it was like a swath of terrible games?  I remember a swath of amazing games. It's like... Also, every generation gets them. The thing is... Yeah, like they were trying to figure out the controller or something. I only remember the good stuff. What's the thing, right? Yeah, it's like 80s music. The main generation, I did a bit of like, you know, game hunting in terms of just, I'll just play anything, was 360. And that's what this evoked to me was that time where I was playing really shitty 360 games. Yeah, I'm, yeah. All right, one of those shitty ones to control. My god, it's so creepy. What's gonna happen? Sneak up and hold Q for ambush. Finally. Oh my goodness. Wait, for all... Oh, do I have to keep pressing Q? Oh, no. Yeah, you lose. He runs away. Oh, we got a hide. I definitely got it. The guy doesn't move. The guy's just like... He got you. Oh, well. Must have been the wind. It's Skyrim. I shall cry. I know you'll back then, pal. See?  I let him... Yep, straight away. There you go. I guess maybe this is the time to... Oh, wow. You can throw a rock to... You can't. Yeah, that's crazy. I've never seen this kind of video game. Still... That's how it happens. He just gets confused because the light's off. He's that scared. Gotham, what's wrong? What are you doing? It's not even dark. We can all see. This is like that woman's dark. Charlie Bride. You're gonna get spanked on. Oh, did he get eaten? Is there something down there? Look at Shilob. Oh, my God.  Shilob. Oh, that looks awful. But that's... Are you allowed to legally say Shilob's name? I can't remember if they use... I actually can't...  They say her. I don't know if they say Shilob. This is a friendly bug, huh? Oh, here we go. It's time. Oh, no. Fun, bro. Gotham, what do you want? So if you don't... Oh, is it just like a morality system? Yes. And it changed... Well, I was... I don't want to spoil, but the endings change based on how you interact with all of this. Whether you play like Gotham or Smeagol. Yeah. It's like the beetle was here. Now we need to kill it to make sure it doesn't tell anyone we're here or keep watching it. How does the beetle tell people shit?  Magic beetle. It's an eagle. Is it like Gandalf on the moths or something? I committed early on to playing Lord of the Rings Gollum, not Lord of Rings Smeagol.  Yeah. Choose Gollum. This is Gollum Town. Choose Smeagol. Keep watching. What is this? You kidding me?    That's probably like an elf name. That font honestly looks like... It feels like the default in Vegas. I think it's like a little bit off from that, but still it's bad that looks. Oh, it's Ariel? Is it? It is. It looks like Ariel. It looks like Ariel. Now convince Smeagol. Look at his expressions. They're so horrific. The way that his irises get bigger and smaller after he finished speaking. So this is bordering on not real, right? You see this and you're like, no, that's fake. Look at the size of this.  Also tell me how you were supposed to know which one is the right one here.  Well, how well do you know these characters? Have you read the books and seen the movies? Yeah, if you buy the lore. Exactly, yeah. The lore compendium gives you all the background information. I didn't buy that one.  It's pay to win, unfortunately. Damn it, if you want to win the arguments, you've got to get the lore compendium. Pay to read. Spy, Wing, Nazgul are always watchful. I don't know. These are arguments? I'm just going to kill the beetle and hide. Too dangerous because of spider, too dangerous because of wraiths. That's nonsense.  Well, both, but they're the ones that the... The logic is like, you know, she lob is around, but wraiths are around. That's why we convince Miegel to do what?  It's like a drawing of a fossilized skeleton. Okay, yeah, that's... Like an artistic rendition of the skeleton. Like, it's like the difference between the actual events and the story, is that this is like, that's what this is. I don't know who's... I don't know how to deal with this. Enter. Enter? I will say this though.  You want to see it play through with him. You want to see him forced to play this. I was kind of thinking that having... Like, imagine if... Imagine Darwin playing Pokemon, right? With all the evolution, right? Having Darwin play Pokemon would be like Tolkien playing Gollum. They both be saying, no, no, no, you've got it all horribly wrong. Really misunderstood my work. All my work for nothing. They never read the book at all. It would be funny. You know how in those, like, ballerial games, you end up in, like, a gulag and you have to fight other players to get back in?  Everyone's like, that's the challenge. I really don't want to die. I'm going to make sure to wear my seatbelt then because I don't want to play Gollum. Impressing Enter! Hold Enter, there we go. Oh, okay, there we go. And you've got to help me swallow it whole. That legit caught me off guard. I was just like, how could you do this? How could you make that? It looks like a fake mobile game ad.  That is dying. How are you so s**t? You just need some fedora. Why are the plants glowing? Why not? Okay, glowy clown. I'm on the occupant. Mast is my friend. You don't have any friends. No big deal. You've got to be careful of copyright again. Okay, that's you crawling in. It might be Slaytop's right in the middle. They were all deaders. Oh, bro. How is this a Gollum game? Oh, no. Thank god we don't have to. I could just jump in. I could just jump off the ledge. What the f**k is that? It's supposed to be a fel beast. I just tech smaller.  Use Gollum's intuition and heightens it. This is his heightens senses. It is about bad mood. It's infrared. I thought so. This game was delayed three times. The violence are coming for you. Oh, no. Oh, no, culture. Run away. Run away. It's the f**king psycho. Stabbed in a shower and f**king called him.  What are they? So this is like Gollum vision, basically. They are ring rates. Those are re-raids. Yeah, it's the non-Scollum. They only pop up here, I think. And that's it. Yeah, they're just wandering around. What are they doing looking for mushrooms? Looking for Gollum, of course. Oh, wow. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get them. You can't win this section. They will eventually just get you. Yeah. Use your heightens senses to inevitably get caught. Run, Gollum. Run. Don't get stabbed with a morgoblade. That's bad, okay. No, please don't stab me with your morgoblade. Oh, they were just walking into each other. Yeah, you grabbed that wood. Oh, my God. Yeah. Look at me. It looks like one of those f**king things from Skyrim. They brought you to him, didn't they? No. Wizard. All right, wizard. The dark lore. He looks funny, too. What did you tell him? What did you tell him? What did you tell Saran? Stone voice acting. Oh, no. The Gollum's on the cross. Oh, no. He died for a sin. No. He looks plastic. Tying on the cross. I like how the textures of his face get there eventually. Yeah.  Gandalf is like in the flashback. Welcome to our hub. Black pits, the first never mind. What? My name ain't Grashnag. Talk to cruel orc. Oh, I don't know if you like the name. Azog from the Hobbit movies. Yay, look at him. Yeah, it's Azog. Look at him go. What are you called? He hadn't lost his arm yet. Brail man.  I'm Brail. Look at you. It's fascinating to play these kinds of games.  And I'm just frail man. Come on. Gollum's quite the judgey person, yeah. He's excited. Because as much as they can pre- And then over, over, over Gollum, it's just like ratf**ker or something like that. Tenders, though, they have some- Who gives us these names? Finish. Just by playing it, you can feel the amount of how much this game is not f**king done.  It looks good. 2023. Oh, look, there's more now. $70. Oh, it's different. Can you get a fire like that? Look at that. He's got a few extra chromosomes. So many jokes I want to make, but I'm not going to touch. Don't worry, baller, I will. I'm just going to introduce you to the world of the rigs. That would be horrible. Never entertains that that could be a thing that happens. That's just cruel and unusual. I jump over there. Is it going to kill me? The death animation is so funny.  There's a platform there.  Not allowed. Yep.  What's with the random frame drops? Stop. Why? Nothing is happening. It's loading all of Mordor. All of it. Jesus Christ. It's the sound snapping of the camera as well. When it happens, this is all f**king work. Walk around and all of a sudden you turn around. Screen you need, okay, game? Bryce, this is actually the fast way to get around, isn't it? Oh, it's one of those games. You're all just here, I guess. Jumping or rolling is faster. Doesn't it all feel like all these environments, they've just dropped people in randomly that don't do anything? That is easy, though. Look at the man's running animation. Look at it. As fast as you can. It's like f**king but faster. He's floating on the ground. See that?  Yeah, the speed isn't matched and he looks like an easy one. Animation project, like when you're explaining to someone that running is like fast walking, the devs took that literally. Running is like fast walking. Find the cover. Get to high ground if you can. They don't have the best eyes. Open the pens and lure them in there. It's like his sh** in his pants. All right. That's right. He's just desperately trying to not let it run down his legs. Oh, yeah. He's got legs together.   Oh, god. That's good. Why are you lagging all of a sudden? Was it because I turned off that texture thing? Oh, come on. Jesus Christ. It didn't give me an option to activate it. Okay, let me have a look at how this thing works, shall we? Okay. Bluh. If we said that this one can be broken.  That was sweet death. Step inside the lever. Just can you please just f*****g pull the lever? Thank you. Pull the lever. What is this? Why is it built this way, guys? That's a good question. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, well, that would be it, yeah.  It just is not OSHA conform. You got to go inside to the cage, and then the beast is going to go after you.  You've got to lure the beast into the cage. And then when it's into the cage, you need to hit the lever to lower the cage, to trap it in the cage. But the other beast, it likes to destroy the lever. So if it destroys the lever and you can't trap the beast in the cage, there's another lever on the top of the cage. So you need to go to the top of the cage to pull the other lever, to trap the beast. Because the beast is just going to f*****g sit there in a f*****g cage. Until you pull the f*****g lever! Oh my God, As. What are you doing to yourself playing this awful game? It's MOLA's fault! It's like there's nothing here.  I think it was like a like a like a connection for all the streams. Like it was like coming in chat as a combination of why are you doing this now? Did MOLA made you make you play this? And consider the villainous character in this saga played. Do you know what I mean? There's no like, let's call it environmental storytelling for one. Characters that are like just getting on with doing things. They all just like dropped in and do nothing. Oh so holy s**t, this is so f*****g boring. Like I'm just... Do you like Brett too? See? This is a lived in world.  Middle Earth is famous for... Oh God, oh look. Oh look at the... Look at that, here it is. I've seen this before.  Look at him. He's unacceptable. Like that's like... What the f**k? Look at that. They're clipping off and just disappearing. This was okay during like PlayStation 1 days. Maybe. Even then they would be better. They wouldn't have... Even then they probably just wouldn't do it. Well they'd be integrating better. They'd be integrating better. Like what they do in uh, you know, like Mario Kart 64, right? If you've got spectators in the crowd. Like they'll be actually positioned in a way that's kind of... A little bit better. Like this is... Like look at this. They're just random. We're not even like... They're not even on the bridge. Look at that. No, they're not. They're just off the bridge. They're not even on the bridge. Look at that. Look at those ones at the top there. They're hovering over the... The chasm. They do be hovering here.  They don't seem to expect that you're going to stop for even a second to look at it. Because all it takes is a second. Yeah. And also like you see the little glows which I assume are supposed to be torches but they're just not... They're just glowing balls. They're almost randomly floating or clipping halfway through things. Yes. Yeah.  It's all fucked. They're like... Well, I mean... At least the rest of the game looks good. Like how did this happen? Yeah. I feel like anyone with an extra 10 minutes could make this better than it is. What happened? Are they ghosts? Oh, look at disappearing. They disappeared. No, they appeared. Look at them. They all have a cutoff point where they just stop existing. You paid a company to make this game. The cutoff point is connected to your camera, by the way. Sort of. It's really weird into this. Why are they so white?  Hey now. Well, I mean...  You ought to be better. Third Age might be better.  Unacceptable. But hilarious at the same time, I suppose. What have you got to say? Oh, I don't want to look down there. Oh, look at these ones down there. Oh, they're just disappeared. Why is there just random lights flying around? Oh, it's so gross. Look at this. This guy is just... Is he walking backwards? Oh, no. Just be nice for some more freedom.   It was like... You're doing it. I am, but I don't feel like I'm doing it. Someone might have been there. Oh, I can stank your leg.  Oh, my God. What is all that? Third Age has three. Don't break with a $2 as it takes about 20 hours. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. At least there's no water. 10 out of 10, IGN. What did IGN give this game? I'm actually curious. 4 out of 10. IGN. Oh, you went for them. This is a 4 out of 10. Slightly below average. Yeah, this feels like they made the map, and then they were like, fuck, we need something to actually do. What if you just have to go... It's like the Disney writing process, but for a game. We made these special effects, so we've got the studs. We've got the actors. Now what?  We need like gameplay and a story to connect all these assets that we've made, slash maybe purchased. This is essentially what you do, right? When you create eight tags to collect and you put them in all corners of the map. That's uh... Yeah, it's true. That's how it goes. Like it's just a golem coffee in the hand or something. The thing is, the more familiar I get with this game, the more I am very acutely aware of how easily I can kill Golem at any moment. And as much as that's funny, I don't want to have to find all the tags again, you know? What's great is that I don't even know how that works around this place. Yeah, nobody knows how it works. We don't even know how it works. I am incredible. That's true. I should have eaten a fish and I would have been fine. Dude, where are you going to save me from the drop?  There were so many drops in the game, though. There were so many drops where you were forced to take damage. I'll tell you what, one of the indicators of full damage you find is your character's ability to jump, right? And Golem can jump extremely high.  It's like, no, not really. Well, you see, you know how like grasshoppers can jump really, really far? Imagine if grasshoppers jumped when they died every time they hit the ground from the fall damage. They know this. I was here investigating what's going to happen. Are you just going to walk somewhere and then stop? How far did they animate this? Is he like a, is that like a person? Is that an orc? She, I don't even know. No, that's a woman. She's like the leader. Right, okay. That is, that is the daughter of the candle man. Right. Right. And they try and set her up as this, this person who's going to betray her father and all this sort of business. And then at the end of the game she dies off screen. It's funny that you remember more of the story than I do. Yeah, all I was going to say for context for this was I was supposed to head to my room and like hit for next day or whatever and she's talking to someone and I stayed for the conversation. It was, it was nothing.  What did they make you do? Let's see. Yeah. Developers show me. You just going to walk up here and stand? Is that it?  Why?  It's like Game Boy Advance level of, you know, like world building. Oh, no. Oh my god. To your foot over there. Why has everyone got a spinal bit at a race game?  You can't do it. They look at Gollum and you're like, oh, jeez, the healthy one. It's like prison cell door opens work. Open guy just standing in the center of it doing nothing. Looks the same as several thousand of the people you've seen. Yeah. This is whoa. Look at him standing there looking at the wall. Oh, wow. Yeah, look at him. Isn't this crazy good? Why am I even looking around? Is if they don't know? Oh, well, that's. Yeah. You did this to me. I've seen. Oh, Jesus.  That will happen to Andre. I just stole the. Yes. That beautiful gate. It's straight out of look boards. It's pretty. It's relatively relatively. Good show you the way. If you want to show me the way. Beard is so funny. It's so weird. It's so stiff. It's like he just slathered in a crystal. I just wanted to call to say, I love you. I'm a bad day. I'm just in the middle of a stream at the moment. I'm going to talk because I want to have the music, but I assume this is copyright free piano, sad music. I'm assuming. Are you going to assume that? I am going to assume that. I just thought I called you to say that I loved you. They get to laugh mercilessly at how bad this game is and how it's driving me crazy. And I unfortunately have to actually play it. There's this guy called Mauler. He used to be a friend of mine. And he told me to play it. He's not my friend anymore.   They're all in the walls. Why? It would look better with nothing here. Just. Oh, watch out. Don't your arm. No, that must be the cracker. Can't say that. He would be banned off Twitch immediately. That must be the cracker. He can't say that, Gollum. I want to watch Gollum switch stream now.  Racial slurs, courtesy, Gollum. No, that's not what I feel that I ever have. What is that? You didn't set off the bomb?   Oh, I left a crunk. Oh, it's feet and. I was no, no, no, and a camera change would not make that happen. I just fell through the goddamn platform into the lava. Sudden howl brand, not. You said, you said howl brand fame.  So you can see there are some, there are stakes in this. Oh my goodness. Look at the guy on the left. Right. If he speaks, he just opens. I was speaking again.   I'm only willing to follow it, by the way. Nope. Oh, by the way, if you die in lava, you get into achievement and says no, it's too early. Or captain is the guy on the left, where the guy is about to speak on the right. Just this is what, in case it, you know, like they animated his lip sync, and then they gave up halfway through this dialogue. They stopped doing it. Like you just saw his mouth moving a whole bunch, which probably took a lot. Still looks like shit, but they did it. And then look what they do now. Wait, wait, maybe. There it is. They animated the first bit. Sorry, I lagged out. Wait, wait, maybe it's a later one. There it is. They gave up. They gave up. They animated the first bit that they stopped. That does sound like a lot of work. I guess. They were like, no one's going to listen to it beyond the first sentence. Come on.  It's okay. Yeah. He got excited in there for a moment. Thinking about the dwarves.  Oh my God. It's like out of focus, and his mouth's not even moving. You gave up again. Railman's beard is epic. You know, I think you're right. Oh, is that the red shit? I'll be just looped off. He's coming. He's coming. He's talking underwater. Oh, no, Marino. Oh, no, you're not going to get me. Psychic power is his buddy, buddy boy. So bad. Yeah, this is like I said, I didn't realize this was actually considered like acceptable by any company ever. Imagine being the ones that like develop this. You'd be like, guys, we can't. We actually can't release this. We can't. It's one of those things we've got to do contractually. And it's like, we can't. It would be better to release nothing. This reminds me of the the family guy joke where Peter does the band and everything and then they get up on stage and they go one, two, three. Oh my God, we don't know any songs. That's like what this game reminds me of. So happens with devs who don't know how to develop, make a game. This is like a game.   He's like, guys, I don't know what we did last night but we've got to burn this. To the QA test is they were like, could you get to the credits? It's like, yes. But there was a, could you get to the credits? Yes. Is it technically finishable? Are we going to get sued? And we're not getting sued. No, we're fine. It's like Mr. Byrd's. It's like someone's starting a lawn mower. Wow. Oh, damn. And things just won't stop. Hey, working as a detective. Everything's broken. Golem and the creature are broken. Yeah. I like how the other one's patiently waiting. He's just like, oh yeah. He's waiting for his room. Oh my God. It's sort of objective in the game. I think the objective is, let's see if you can not commit suicide. This is why I like how the objective survives. In real life, it's very meta. Yes. Space remake or Ragnarok, they're okay. It's like, good God. Have you seen how low it can go? No, boys. Stop. It's too low. Take it.  That's okay. Yeah, it's okay. It looks pretty good. I think y'all rather watch me play Elden Ring, to be honest. There's nothing to me now. Was that some hit scandal? Oh. So bad. Wow. You didn't have to make it this way. You didn't have to stoop so low. What?     You just don't expect it. Yeah, just the way his body tangles up as well. Yeah. Was he supposed to be pulling into the... I think so. I think they're like pockets of lava. The game is like, well, the player hitbox, it touched the lava hitbox, sort of.  I don't know. Making this up as I go. You see that? It's so hot. Oh, we got you. No. Don't you like it. No, no, don't eat it. I wanted to eat it. That is so frustrating. That happened to me throughout the game. He was just, he's like, I get it up. I'll jump really far up in the air that I'm not going to get over the ledge. You're not going forward though. I'm going to ride back to this ledge. Oh, come on. Just snap it. Um, no. Where's he going? Where's he going? He's in the force. I didn't punch you that time. Yeah, that's nice of him to punch in all the other dollars. Devs, devs, devs, devs, devs. Get another job.  You shite. I wasn't happy. Yeah, you got jipped by that one.  Like, honestly.  Imagine the orc watching that. I see that fell through it. Yeah.  That part is absolutely amazing. Well, both of these are absolutely amazing, but look at him. Do you see that? Why was he at the end of me? Thanks for that epic jump. What you're going to do now? Oh, I guess you just... There is something so funny to me that you headbutt the wall that doesn't look like that should even be a thing. It should just be smooth, right, to jump straight up to the grab. You headbutt the wall, headbutt the wall, and I think you shot in the head with an arrow.  Don't lie to me. This is the game that made Gollum regret strangling Eagle. Yes. I remember this. I remember this. Get me sent. Get the ball.  Holy, there was a way. It folded. How did they could see me? I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really good. I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really good. I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really good. I'm just saying that the designer that works seems really odd. Like, look at the helmet of the one orc compared to the other. Like, there's no... They don't match, you know? Yeah, like, weird helmets. Even if it works, like... Like, what is this? Like, is it just gameplay loot? Oh, I guess that is just... Oh my god. That backflip, though... I just... Like, oh, look at how riveting this is. Oh Skinny you are you that's skinny. Oh, that's not the opening Slipped right through golems were a greasy. He just slides right through Yeah, I'll get you light as well. Oh my god. Wait. Hold on. Sorry for we gotta wait for him to come back We got a wait for him to come back hold on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on a second Look at that jagged lighting. Yeah Oh And they stopped they're just like what do they do now? I Don't know Hopefully the player will do something The is continuing because he can see me but This is like on never half that can only arise from just not giving a fuck. Yeah So much of this is clearly just talking about what what happens when you know Golem is in this location or what if what if he just does a pretty simple thing? And it's just there's nothing.  Oh, that's on you as you just you died there. I mean When he died though I Hit that bit of air that was floating and apparently jumping two foot jumping two foot kills you I Was really not happy feet People don't Don't do it.  Oh, are you okay? Stopped on the surface and then again was like, oh, hang on Oh The devs in real time were loading physics. They're like, wait, wait, wait, wait This reminds me of the Mandalorian when he steps on the water and then he gets pulled under this is kind of like that Instant for teleport a little bit Matthew Hammond with the five dollars is what is the worst part of this game? Yes?  Absolutely insane. By the way, there's a little bit of context Why didn't they just make him translucent the little bit of context before this clip? We just got shaved off was he spots me He runs up to right below me to the left, and then he runs away and starts checking under the table Dude, but even if it works what would be why would you play the value of this again ever? Yeah, like What is this mechanically? It's like thin.  Where's the fun in that? Well, and they can lose you completely if you sometimes you could well, you know, I won't spoil it.    Yeah, let's do it Oh, oh this bit. Oh my god.  Try taking wow The longer you look the more you see Probably full they're not die, right Oh Screams sometimes They always catch you by surprise.   I Could see them being like what do you mean? Like you have this whole area of mortal. They're like welcome What you want to do like?  It's kind of important to know what's supposed to be happening. Yeah, you don't have a neutral There's never a time we are like this is the this is the game. Yes. No. Yeah, I'm soundtrack should be that Sam Neil scream Yeah, why not?  What is this your handwriting? Why do you guys sound exactly the same tones? I found this quite illuminating Who gave you this read it? I know what it says the same voice actor Our Lord But they're trying to threaten me.  Generally in Skyrim when that one of the 12 voice actors characters meets each other and they have a voice back and forth Same The bridge in the mines.   I think no, I'm not forcing them to play this Look at this man. I gave it to somebody. I think what were they what answers knife this this is one of those Look, this doesn't look real Reading holes Let's go To the breeding hall finally we get to the good part of the game. How do I get to though?  I've got hypothalamus. What was that?  How do you how that's the mouth of Sauron?  Yes A minigame for all of us.  Why am I being forced to do this? Why? bird Hey bird think golem is becoming the Morbius of games So no one will ever use ever though no person playing golem ever use the mini-bap Remember how there's like three choices with this breeding game where you can do like a Yeah, yeah, I made a white one because it's the only recipe I found why you made a white one It's fine. Yeah, but in the end of the excuses Game was a black bird. Oh Yeah This is I did the same thing. I made a white bird and the chin What was your black bird? It's this is a scene that happens. There's just switches to a black bird My assumption is hiding they gave up on on making scenes for all of the birds They just assumed all the players would pick the black marina. Oh, yeah, the blackboard recipes harder to find I found that like the second time I got to exactly people want the challenge.  Oh No, oh, he's got what doesn't mean What is this water? Is this like a little water leak? Then do you need it? Plumber in this cave. What is going on?  Yeah needed I campaign needed is there and now it's over there And there So what if I just sent him straight over there kill him, I don't like him The grashnik the grashnik animation at all There's my trunk is help grashnik cage the borax use the companion mode to send him to a target. What oh Come on He just reuse the sprites from the bridge for grashnik. It's it's it's just incredibly shit this yeah Why would I know what this game needs escort missions only killing him The grashnik died What what that doesn't make any sense Why would they they just subservient now that makes no sense at all how the hell is anyone supposed to know that's how you do it I guess I have to figure out the other one They only made one level.  That's everything Do you want to see columns black?   It doesn't match anything on screen. I don't know What is this pointless as well because we get the the bird to grab one thing for us and that's it It betrays us though. So there's that Don't forget the betrayal.  You did the title wrong. It just says lord of ring Oh jeez Where's the checkpoint gonna be Oh, no, I mean play shadow of mordor today And golem is in that game and it's Oh, yeah, don't look at him here and look at him In shadow of mordor, he just looks like the golem, you know, right?  Yeah Please We must have it back We must have it Great Master I'm pretty good job when it's not anti-circuit. It's like nice. Yeah, that's good. Liam O'Brien.   There's a figurine hidden inside. Oh out of reach even for you, right? No, fine I'll use my bird slave to get it for me. I don't even know See my gamer brain just wants me to explore this area But then I remember what I'm playing. It's like, oh, no way.  Golem runs through beasts. Golem breeds slimy awklings Yeah, golem has been patient Golem breeds slimy awklings. Why would you say that?  She's in the room.  That's why I couldn't move It makes sense. Yeah, there was a stop sporting me backwards.  Look, they're like see you have to defeat the enemy.  What is that snoozing moderately? Oh, right? Oh, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Oh my god. Do you see that? Just disappeared like loading those different screens And I love it when the loading screen flips out and reloads the loading screen That's where we came from.    Yep.  I didn't do this call him to the Oh, what are you sure you died?    The game I don't have a melting laser. You're goddamn. Yeah, they're melting laser in here Oh My god, it's like butter. No, don't drop again. Okay. Oh god.  Yeah, they charge they did charge money for this those Colum's morning yoga Yeah, that's the thumbnail Oh Now the camera's not working anymore either. It's a lot to ask for the camera to work Oh, I can't it's like I can't oh this game's like a football team and everyone on the field is doing a different play Oh Snap back to reality there goes gravity Oh, yeah, that was a great idea I like I did like the way That There's one way to go. I don't need him to tell him in companion mode.   The only way that you can get them up the ladder is to say pull the lever So he walks climbs up the ladder will pull the lever. He won't stop because you pull the lever No, you've told him to pull the lever the game's not intelligent enough to work out.  He's like, oh, yeah, I'll do it. Don't worry and truly Well, that that was the grashnegg voice actor and he just wanted to be in the game for longer So he snuck into the opposite night and programmed a companion mode so he could be present Why can't he grab that? This ledge this ledge doesn't have a white line on it.  Okay That's why they put the white line. That's the rules.  Yeah, he got you. Did you see that he got you He's pretending to turn around 80 like you know in one frame Got you We're finally escaping Wait, have I just taken a lift to go all the way down to start crawling in holes to crawl back up again Sometimes I don't sometimes I just get turned around in this game and I never know if it's my fault Or if the camera just did a A flim flam while I was looking away for a half a second I've been playing this now for two days.   Yeah, that's how they get their prey.  I'm up here.   What? No What? This is next gen gaming Did you buy a ps5 for golem? No, no It might be a really good time to call up an ex-girlfriend that you had a bit of a falling out with you know Yeah, you haven't spoken to each other for a long time You're not interested in keeping touch, but you know the single It'd be good. It'd be good to call them up tonight.     All right. It was definitely time for a rap battle Me go time for a rap battle Confinch we go out to attack why we squeals attack cause we go down good in the panic Keep panicking convince golem to keep panicking No He helped you I thought we couldn't kill mocks with helmets Call him cannot kill It's so brutal sometimes that I just goes like no, I'm not having this this time It's over.  And then this game just throws you a curveball. It's like Here's a crate that goes down, but there's no rope attached to it anymore. We stopped We stopped toting in we didn't have the budget for the rope Very light. It's very light. It was helium in the boxes Here Wait, can we strangle this guy? Well, if he doesn't have a helmet Uh, oh no, what are you gonna do? I'm strangling. You have to wait.  I come I'm doing it.  I am. That's exactly how it works, buddy Yeah, very smart is not a term that I would actually Use when it comes to this game Gollum break down at eFap. No, I Even floating the idea of making the others play this is just Close to an impossibility. I think and a welcome to how to stop compulsive lying You Web Sometimes the game just has to take a moment catch up with itself. Yeah, the game is like, I'm not sure.  No, no, you're dead The ruling on the field has been reversed. Gollum is dead Oh A little bit too quick on the draw there Too excited to get on that cart I was uh, we're gonna we're gonna pause on this video and just load up a different one a second because I I collected the other deaths as has in this moment because they don't make it into this compilation, but Since I nearly died watching them. Um, I felt the need Oh, well here, uh, let me use the lu real quick and top off my drink and I'll be right back. Yeah Let me use my shotgun to my mouth for a second.  You've got your chance now This is your sick. Well, I'll be back in five.    It seems like super engaging. I'm sure that if the game worked it would be Really fun It doesn't have any intent or ambition to present anything of its own. It's just riding the gollum ip Like which is strange. Yeah That's all that has going for it. Like say this was about some random gremlin in a random fantasy setting made up by the authors like No one's going to pay this any attention whatsoever at that point Well, it's like that section we've just seen in the game is insane because it starts off with the uh The big guy on the wagon and you hide under the wagon And then he's like, oh no, we're going to get discovered.  I called it an exercise in wasting time Yeah, it didn't feel fun. It didn't feel, you know, like you were getting somewhere. I didn't feel like you were Developing it just felt like you were having your time wasted There's just that grand total of hanging on ledges Crawling on walls crawling into bushes enemies that have zero a. I basically and then rinse and repeat You know pull lever grab token on floor Hey, we're talking about doom eternal or golem.  I'd give golem a gun if I could Oh, I'm just having fun here. I'll have a fun. I am back. I'm ready to see All right, so this is as is happy Yeah, that's this video Nice name. Yeah, nice name for video It looks like you just slowed down He just wants to die It was so funny about I almost want to congratulate them for this if it would deliver it would be so good The way like golem commits like suicide before he hits the ground sometimes He's like i'm out before you actually die. See he kills himself Like no, i'm out. Is everything everywhere all at once or something.      What is that?   Sure, yeah, okay That's fine How did that happen?  This is important We're learning here I can jump at any time And it'll grab But you can drop too See? When you reach an edge You can push up and then jump And it'll be like the best form of it And so can you see how a player might think Oh so I can just, I'm like a spider I can just jump left right Up down And as long as there's a patch of grabbable shit I will be fine So for example when you're here and you think I'm gonna jump right so hold right and jump Oh that one did work And then see how, oh that one worked But usually it doesn't and that's how it just died See?   Brass band Brass band What?     Is this his?    Well I will The shortest term game we have to I'm one of the biggest fans But it'll be the memers will buy it But the general public won't Oh yeah they won't, they'll just watch streamers Yeah so you're gonna get An absolute minuscule amount of people That go oh we'll watch more again We'll again play this And have them out then If in however long they actually make a Golem 2 Like it's not a different Lord of the Rings game It's like a sequel to this And it's you play as Golem throughout the Three Lord of the Rings movies sort of storyline Like that, I could picture our fans Just going absolutely rabid They'd be like you have to stream all of that You have to, we have to see What this team would do To like playing Imagine what they'd do to Frodo and Sam Imagine if it was Co-operative Oh my god They don't do that, this team would never do that It'll encourage you to Have your friends buy it I would encourage everyone to buy at that point Hey don't you want to play with your friends Want to be so fun if you do Co-operative Everyone can learn from a bad example Golem and Golem It's like it takes two, you have to mini-game against Each other you play as Smeagol and Golem Like respectively It gives like As has control of the left side of the body And I have control of the right It's like these Two player one control Or speedruns Yeah You have to lock balls together Or he splits He diametrically splits So we can physically see a manifestation Of Smeagol and Golem And they fight And yeah They released that apology really quickly So they knew exactly what this was How could you not know They didn't make any mistakes So there wasn't any kind of corruption on release Or some kind of thing that went wrong They were just like this is fucked But I mean it's still You get the impression from the game They are incredibly under-experienced And lazy I hate to be mean to the people who made this game But I mean it's pretty obvious You have loads of aspects And you have no idea what you're doing Which you know Everyone starts out that way I guess Well not necessarily lazy but Inexperienced and so Who knows maybe next time Just go up to them and say Hey did you remember that game you made Don't make that one again Just make something different Don't do this Yeah and don't make that wizard game that we suggested really on the stream That sounds a pain too Cause you know that they were listening to that And they were like ooooooo A lot of ring, wizard Gondass That's not his name Wizard off Lord of ring, wizard off Gondau Fuck me And so Brings us to the end And I do need to end it so that As and myself can have a bit of a buffer before the next stream We gotta do today I mean I know it's I'm dirty This was a strangely timed EFAP I know But trust me it was Necessary, is this Saturday? No no Tuesday But You know all this will come out And it'll disrupt the schedule for this week This will come out I think instead of a catch up And then Saturday there won't be an EFAP this week Cause now we'll be two ahead We'll figure it all out, don't you worry Hopefully you enjoyed this And if you have any friends who are like They stream it This unlisted one will be available until of course It's up on Mula so Welcome to check it out though There was that one song that I let play For a little too long so I think this one's gonna get hit With a copyright claim If so obviously I'll have to edit to that And then Mula will get the The further uploaded one And then We will put up the Supercut that Wolf made Goes up as well so That'll be neat but before we go I was gonna say Mr Metal and As If you guys wanted to talk a bit about Whatever you would like to talk about be it channels Content, flimflams, that and the other Go right ahead Well I just Guess I go first I'm actually probably gonna Stream the new amnesia later A little bit I have to do some chores I didn't get around to yet but An hour or two maybe I'm gonna start that up Maybe someone in chat knows It was supposed to be on game pass but it's just not on there I can get it on steam But it's For some reason it's not on game pass Even though they've been saying this whole time It is gonna be on game pass on PC But it is not So I don't know if someone in chat maybe knows what's up with that I don't know Not afterward, the bunker The amnesia game that came out Metal is never playing after birth again No fuck that game If anyone wants a free code for that game I have one Trying to torture people What's wrong with you? Would you rather than play golem or amnesia rebirth?  Well 6pm today So just over two hours from now Mola and I will be on the real BBC At Heel vs Babyface channel And if you want to see the whole Uncut With Geely You can find it on my gaming channel Now which is at HVB Gaming If you forget all of that Then you can get it from the channels Tab on my main channel And then Other stuff happening Hmm There will be an MDJ stream I just need to see if I get it on steam or on game pass And right now it seems like I'm gonna get it on steam I've heard a couple good things If everyone finishes it and says it's alright Then I'll play it at Halloween Alright Theo do you want to talk about Anime Not particularly No not at all actually You haven't mentioned anime cry once this stream What's going on? I don't think it's the aptest Of comparisons to Gollum But maybe I'm wrong But the mechanics are so rich and deep True Gollum's a bit like One punch man Like he's... Well I suppose he's bald but not no It's a character action Gollum game Gollum doing air combos come on Yeah they're close but you know But yeah you're still Tooling away with potential projects I imagine Yeah yeah We'll get there one day Five years from now Is there anything For any rags you wanted to say at all Oh me?  Oh Gollum Okay I see you don't like us No problem Like I said this will be unlisted And I'm not sure what day this will go up on Mula But that'll be next on there And yeah thank you all For the kind messages you'll be caught up With on Super Chat Catch Up And well I'll see you In two hours from now so See ya folks bye bye Bye everybody Toodaloo