Okay. Please go ahead. Yeah, good evening ma'am. Very inspiring lecture. Thank you. And I wanted to ask your views about, like in the UN negotiations, we are asking the governments to contribute to the Green Climate Fund. And IAED and other organizations are very particular about having a stronger stand at the negotiations. But is there a forum where we are asking the private sector, which has most of the wealth, even in the developed countries, to contribute to the Green Climate Fund? And how can we advocate and press and make that impression on the private sector that they have to drive this climate transition, not just the governments of the developed world? Thank you. Let's take three at a time. And then the lady in the white shirt. Yeah, exactly. You. Thank you, Dr. Denton, for an insightful and practical perspective on Africa's role in climate change strategy. In the recent IPCC Working Group 2 report, the urgent need for adaptation and mitigation action to protect areas of risk from climate change was a recurring theme, especially in African regions in danger of drought and desertification. And ecosystem-based approaches to adaptation were indicated to be something that could potentially have a huge positive effect on these areas. And as you mentioned, many of these economies depend directly on the provision of natural ecosystem services. So from your experiences in these areas, what potential do you see for ecosystem restoration projects in Africa's climate change narrative? Somebody else here, please. And we will take these three and go to another round. Thank you. Thanks. That was a wonderful talk. I'm just wondering if you were in a position to advise the countries who have recently found oil or gas in East Africa, what would you be suggesting they do at this point? An easy one. Okay, let's go for these three and then we will go for another round. Atina. Thanks. I probably would start with Claire's question. I think I was in a meeting not so long ago when somebody was advocating that they keep the oil and gas on the ground and not extracted. But I think the broader issue is that extractives have also not contributed to wider development. The profits from extractives have served a very small fraction of African communities, perhaps even elites. So the problem that I see is that there are all sorts of environmental issues related to extractives. And I think that I did some really good work through Steve's program on extractive and I think you perhaps need to start with artisanal small-scale mining. The sensitize people about the implications of extracting minerals and what that does to the environment. But at the same time it's a really hard ask to governments because many of them see extractives as the core of their economy. And so how do you on the one hand ask them to basically move towards sustainable livelihoods for broader society but at the same time, you know, talk to them about environmental issues. I think one needs to find a good balance. And I would say that starting by sensitizing local people at that level, especially at a small-scale mining, which very often is on that periphery and trying to see how you could get them to understand what the dangers are, what it means to the environment. And perhaps that would be one way of making sure the government sees this as an important issue and might probably bring that on their political radar screen. There was a question on ecosystems. Yes, I think the whole issue of ecosystems adaptation is fundamental because by doing ecosystem adaptation you're also restoring the very services that are necessary for the ecosystem. And I think that there are a number of countries, I mentioned Benin in terms of its reforestation program that are doing that already because I think we have to really gear towards this view that the resources that we have are finite. And I know we also have a tendency of conflating everything to climate change. There are some other structural problems that are affecting the environment. And Africa does have a history of having also problems relating to soil fertility. In fact, I know a soil expert who says that the biggest problem is not so much climate change as far as he's concerned, it's the problem of soil fertility. So I think we have to find a way of also addressing some of those very structural problems that are there. But I think restoring the balance ecosystem services and starting with reforestation programs is probably the way to go. But in a way that would provide the kind of scale that we're talking about. I think very often these things are done on a kind of micro level. So if we're able to do it at a level that would emphasize the scale needed to really see that restoration process, I think it would be very important. There's a question on the Green Climate Fund and the private sector. Yeah, I think very often the private sector is like the elephant in the room in many ways. And I think we need to find a way of ensuring that the private sector is very much part of this. But my sense is also that the private sector is also not fully sensitized in terms of what would this mean in terms of returns on investment. So I think part of bringing the private sector so that it doesn't just remain within the domain of the state is to enable the private sector to understand that there are profits to be had in energy projects, in forestry projects, in even water projects. But that means that the private sector has to be sensitized. I think there are some countries where private sector is already interested. I know of Senegal where the private sector is already part of the government's delegation that goes to the conference of parties. And that's because they see that they have states in this and they want to be able to take advantage of that. So I think it's slowly as government realized that the playing field is actually quite big and it doesn't have to be occupied by governments alone. And I think they will begin to free up some space so that private sectors and other important stakeholders can be part of this. I would like to listen to more questions from the audience, but I'm really glad that you mentioned soils. And I know there's a gentleman down here who's also particularly happy that you mentioned soils. So here, where are the mics? I wasn't going to talk about soils, but the University of Bond's analysis, which I think is probably the best, has come up with a figure of something like 25% of the land area of sub-Saharan Africa being severely degraded. It's a huge amount. But what I was going to say was I very much liked the elements of your strategy. And I wonder whether you think there's a real potential for a common, maybe even unified African approach in the negotiations as we go forward. And what would it take and what do we have to do to help that happen? Thank you. The gentleman here and more mics are all here. There. Some women, raise in your hand please. I have only men in this one. Okay, please. Andrew Ross from Global Garden, you didn't mention China at all in your lecture. Could you say something about the way in which the USA and China seem to be converging in some kind of climate change agreement and how that will affect Africa? Yes, you mentioned about a number of 50 past African countries singing off the same hymn sheet, being very powerful. I was just wondering whether there were countries, particular countries, that were changing the narrative within the group. Any champions there and not just developing and all that sort of stuff, but more within the group itself. Can you pass your mic to this gentleman? I will give you the floor and we will prepare for the next round. Andrew. Oh, okay, sorry. I didn't quite get your question. Are you asking what would happen within the 54 countries or... Yeah. Well, I think perhaps the first concentric circle in responding to that is within what we call the kahotsk and that's the committee of African heads of state on climate change. So, I'm not sure exactly how many members I am, I'm forgetting I think it's probably between 18 to 22 African countries that have come together to take the issue of climate change a stage further, especially in terms of the political will to do something about it. So I think those countries are talking to each other. I think in terms of what you're proposing, I haven't seen any evidence of that happening. Say, for instance, you take the champions or what I would call the champions from the South Africa, Mozambique, Ethiopia, basically deciding on where do we go with this. But I know that this issue of an alternative space, which doesn't necessarily negate what's happening in the UNFCCC, but it's complimenting that because it's basically saying there are certain issues that are costing Africa far too much in terms of economies, livelihoods, and these issues have not gone anywhere in terms of the negotiations. So the red plus, those are issues that some at least critics have said could be taken out of the UNFCCC negotiations or at least let it continue, but taking in another space where these progressive African countries can actually pull their resources together and say, what are we going to do about it? At least have some kind of regional projects that will take some of these problems a bit further down the lane. So I think that has been discussed, but in terms of formalized group of what countries would do within themselves, I haven't seen much in the way of evidence that that is happening. There was a question about China. Well, I think I intuitively referred to China because I talked about the fact that the African narrative, rising narrative to a light extent, China is at the center stage in that rise, African rising narrative because a lot of that is as a result of extractives. And China has got a big appetite for Africa's extractives. I think for me it's a welcome, it's a welcome sort of thing to see China and the US basically coming together and taking a more proactive stance related to climate change. So there has been a lot of talk about equity and equity and equities. I think the fact that both China and the US as the biggest polluters are beginning to do something about it. I think that's a welcome, it's a welcome stance. And I think to a large extent, I mean, most people have talked about what should Africa do in terms of going down a different pathway. And I think I've said in the lecture that Africa cannot reproduce the same patterns of growth. It has to go down a new lane and a new pattern of growth. And I think when you look at the BRICS countries, and China is one of those countries, there's a lot of trade that's going on between China and Africa. Now I think in terms of partnership, I think Africa can also find ways of influencing China to the extent that at least China would again in that interest of self-enlightened self-interest start doing more in Africa as a way of setting reductions or emissions rather, that I think would be a good thing. But we need to see China act in that kind of bold way. The question on common and African approach, can you ask the question again, because I'm not sure what you meant. You were saying, what would it take to have a common approach, African approach? I think Africa is beginning to make a huge strides in taking a common approach, because I think 10 years ago there was no such thing. But I think now, if you look at the African group of negotiators, and you've got quite a number of actors in this room, Cindy Cain is one of the actors that supports the African group of negotiators. The African climate policy centre is another one. IID, TRU, the LDC as well. And I think we're seeing a group that is becoming more strident, more confident. I think it starts with confidence. We often very much ignore these soft skills, but you can't go to a negotiation, a global compact of God knows how many countries. If you don't have the confidence to really argue in favour of your vital interests and what is important for your countries. So I think they're beginning to show some unity, unity of purpose especially. And they're beginning to understand you've got experts, which is the most important thing. Africa is underrepresented by the way in terms of the AGM. And many of the negotiators tend to have to play a kind of jack-of-all-trades role because they buy diversity, they're dealing with desertification, all sorts of things. The European Union would go with a whole battalion of experts. So I think that that kind of asymmetry I think poses problem. But having said that, the African group of negotiators is a lot more aware and technically strong on some of the issues that they're looking at. They've got clusters broke, they're working in a more organised structure for that. So I think that will come, you know, that will come. We have the gentleman here. We have a gentleman there. Let's go. Lady, I'm sorry. Please go ahead. I don't actually want to ask a question but in the sense applaud your lecture by mentioning a couple of things I've seen over the last few days in Tigray, one of the countries that you identified as the leading light. And I think you're right to identify beacons across Africa that will take us towards the vision that you're putting forward. In Tigray what we see at the moment is from the analysis that we've done of the climate variability since 1980, we're seeing at the year 2000 rainfall variability has a significant increase. We're seeing the disappearance of the short rainy season, we're seeing a long rainy season with huge inter-annual variability. And farmers with the support of science, with the support of the Tigray Agricultural Research Institute have responded. And they've not only responded to maintain yields but they've increased yields. And so we see improved food security across Tigray now. A place that us Brits think of in terms of famine in 1983-84. And why is this? I think it's back to Gordon's soil. There was a huge investment in soil and water conservation. It led to, that aligned to a move to reduce poverty, so you have mass mobilization, you have social protection aligned to soil and water conservation. And that was the basis for the fact that now adaptation can lead to improved livelihoods. You have a development dividend. And by the way the Chinese are there and they are building roads and roads are calling to if free are the main ways to drive development. So thank you Chinese people. There, please. I am a gentleman. Yes, thank you for your lecture. It's very inspiring. And I wanted to ask if you might connect two of your chapters. So one of your chapters was about women and youth voices and leadership in climate debates. And another of your chapters was about stronger governance and from work we've done around women and youth leadership neither of those groups feel a lot of faith in formal institutions to represent their views and their voices and to give them the space for their own style of leadership. So it'd be interesting, this is an issue not just for Africa, clearly, but maybe you could inspire us with some examples of how youth and women's voices have impacted on climate discussions in Africa. Thank you. Thank you. Richard Dowden, director of the Royal African Society and a journalist. You spoke of China's role in reviving Africa after the terrible decade of the 90s and that's certainly true. But the next stage for Africa's revival if it's to follow the world's pattern is that it should get into manufacturing and the reason it isn't is because of its lack of energy. Some people are trying to deal with this such as the Ethiopians building the great Renaissance dam, there's Inga in Congo and various other countries looking at big dams. What's your view of big dams as a way of providing energy? Thank you. We go for these three and we will take the last round. Is there? I saw some. Yes, there. Can you give the gentleman on the... Nick, can you go up there? There is a gentleman keep your hand up so they will see you. Yes. Go ahead and we will take this last round afterwards. I just wanted to thank Simon for his comments. I think basically just to add to what you said I think one of the sort of main drivers or at least one of the problems that Africa has in terms of climate change impacts is not so much temperature it's rainfall. So I think the way in which we can adapt to that sort of shifting variation in terms of rainfall is very very important. But I think we often don't say enough about leadership and I think that Mela Zanawi was so instrumental to Ethiopia's taking a leap forward in terms of how they deal with this issue. Mela Zanawi himself said Ethiopia at one stage was a poster child with everything related to poverty and it really took courage, conviction and confidence to really take Ethiopia out of that situation. And Simon it's no stranger to Ethiopia he comes there very often so you've seen just how much Ethiopia is making in terms of stripes and infrastructurally as well and also thanks to Chinese money is able to do this. The question about women and youth I mean I think the issue about governance to a large extent is not so much just an African problem especially when you connect governance to climate change. I think governance is going to be a serious issue for most countries but I think in a region like Africa where we already have a weak governance then it becomes a bit more complicated and I think in many ways climate change does unmask if you like the huge problems that we have in governance who's going to do what and at what level. There's a lot of countries especially in Francophone Africa that are going through all this decentralized process but at what level do you address issues related to adaptation do you do that as a decentralized level, do you do that as a national level, do you do that as a regional level these are issues that must be discussed and addressed and women and youth I was in a meeting not so long ago and it was very refreshing to see just how much the African youth is becoming more involved in climate change issues and even talking about these issues in a very intelligent way about climate finance, about the problems of Africa face but one of the young women was basically say it's not enough to just talk about it we should become I think she used the term owners of the solution as well and I think that was very interesting for me especially in a place where we talk very much about equity and the culpability basically talking about historical emissions and saying that this is something that somebody else must address so hearing that kind of narrative and discussions when youth are talking about issues related to how can we own the problem I think I have a feeling that the problem will sort itself and those dots will be joined somehow in terms of the youth and women I think some of that you can already begin to see especially in the confidence that I'm seeing in African and the way they're addressing climate change Richard I think was talking about China's role and manufacturing and also about big dance I think we all know that the problem that we have and that's why I was saying that if Africa wants to be a force in the world economy it's not unimaginable but if it wants to become a force in the world economy it really has to start adding value to its role material and industrialization is at the very center of that value addition and I think you're absolutely right and we can't do it without energy many of the industrialized nations that we see like I said we're not able to industrialize without the agricultural sector and I think the way in which we perceive agriculture in Africa needs to change we have to find a way of turning the problem on its head most farmers I mean farming is not a sexy business in Africa most youth will not want to go into farming because it's perceived as the poor man's job so I think adding value would mean that we have to be able to find ways of making sure that the energy sector is energized if I can use that word again in a way that would help to connect these three sectors which I think are very important agriculture the water sector and energy in fact these three are interrelated you can't produce energy without water and water is fundamentally important for agriculture so we have to find a way of trying to connect the dots around the street in terms of the big I know about the Inga dam and I think it will it has the potential of becoming in terms of producing electricity really really strong potential of doing that I do know that dams have environmental implications but having said that I think we have to be able to think about it in terms of trade-offs as well we have to be able to measure the benefits of that I don't know so much about the Inga dam but I know about I'm trying to remember the name the dam in Mali not that one there's another one this is the one that shares with Senegal and it is part of the the Manantali dam and the Manantali dam is a really good example because again there are also huge issues about geopolitics the Senegalese government was basically saying that they're more interested in sustainable agriculture and the Mali government was saying that they're more interested in electricity generation so how you kind of join those interests sometimes it's difficult but there was a report I think it was a Michigan State University that wrote a really damning sort of report about dams and the environmental implications and all of that and it almost didn't see the light of day but when you weigh it against some of these other benefits sustainable agriculture electricity production jobs etc for the right period in countries it makes economic sense so I think that's the way to look at it really do we have time for the last round? okay oh my god here we have there is one, there is two and I have only one to go so I will choose the lady here there is another lady there? two ladies okay let's go there Ifan Biou from Farm Africa Fatima I certainly like the sound of that new narrative around climate change in terms of opportunities for business and for a renewed social contract I think there is there is a lot of depth in there and for us to reflect on I also liked a lot what you were saying about agriculture and farming just now and about soil from the perspective of the new organization I work for I you were talking a lot about business and about private sector on the one hand and about governance and the state you weren't really talking about civil society so my question is what's the small thing civil society can do to make a kind of significant contribution to building on that opportunity thank you we can all talk Hello my name is Adrian Fenton I'm a researcher at the University of Leeds there is a growing interest in the role of self-cooperation in policy discussions at the moment with this in mind my question is in your opinion what scope and need is there for an African solidarity fund to help finance some of the mitigation activities used to test the data worldwide I guess it's a bit of an anarchic question because you've talked a lot about governments and you've talked a lot about leadership and you've given us particularly one example of obviously an incredibly charismatic leader who has done a lot in Ethiopia and then you've talked about youth and women sort of bottom up and what they can do the challenge really is to say I want to congratulate you for the power and the position you have and to say do you think that actually what is also really effectively needed is a large number of women in really powerful positions or a certain critical mass to shift agendas and I just want to relate it to one thing which again there's been a lot of discussion about agriculture but as we know that agricultural systems in many countries are very patriarchal, they're very complex in terms of land ownership and yet in many contexts there's the women who are the real farmers so I just really applaud you and think that really it's not just sort of women and youth and what they do in terms of mobilization and from the bottom but also the real power of women like yourself and others and getting a real critical mass at the level of Africa that is going to be so important in pushing these agendas this new agenda you've spoken about Thank you, last one Thank you Fatima very much for a great talk my question's actually come in from partners Manjarju who is the Gambia's Minister of Environment, Climate Change, Water Resources Parks and Wildlife and you probably also know that the first special climate envoy to be appointed from a least developed country his point is that the LDCs 34 of which are in Africa are forefront in the UN climate negotiations in calling on all nations to have an ambitious mitigation plan LDC members themselves are taking action the Gambia, his country for example has submitted its agriculture the mitigation plan of action to the UNFCCC and intends to submit its contribution to the 2015 agreement alongside nations like the US the EU, China in March 2015 so his question is what would you say to countries such as the Gambia and other LDCs who wish to use their progressive force to foster ambition in this process and how can they do that how can they engage with industrial nations and other groups to use climate change as an opportunity as well as get a treaty that will meet the needs of the most vulnerable sorry it was a long question I'll probably start with that question how it leaves about about LDCs and what they can do I think we know that there are some countries that have graduated out of this LDC sort of group K-Fed is one good example but I think that is, if you like the vision of how you get out of that LDC group and become leave, make the transition from least developed to at least a developed middle income country having said that, I think I think that the climate negotiation as a global compact I think there are far too many countries involved in that and I think that that cannot be the only avenue the only sort of conduit to be able to get results we have had countries in Nordic countries for instance, Sweden Norway they've come to us as the Economic Commission for Africa to basically say there are countries in Africa where we have similar views and these are views that we can address in the kind of bilateral sort of negotiation or discussions and I think we don't need to take everything to conference of parties because it's usually very adversarial and you're usually at long heads trying to basically argue each other out what needs to be done is that we can find where is it that countries can come together on a particular issue it might be agriculture perhaps the EU is not too adverse to a particular policy on agriculture and see how you can engage the EU in that way so I think we need to find ways that would make the global compact itself work because I think again it's a huge governance issue to want to do the UNFCCC and there's just not enough time or space to do that so I think we need to be able to graduate out of it not completely, there are things that it does and it does well but we have to be able to find other options so my sense is that progressive countries must identify what is it that works for them and see how they can actually come to some kind of agreement with other countries that have similar stance rather than take it to a cop these sort of engaging that kind of adversarial way thank you very much for the point you made about powerful women I don't quite know what to say to that I do realize that there is definitely the whole issue of power is symmetry and we see that and I think that the agricultural sector is one that is really reflective of these power symmetries that we see it's not the only one but I think that's where women are most present in Africa and I think there's a lot of women that are sort of dying to have real business ventures and it could be in energy entrepreneurs for instance but I think that the system sometimes it's almost as if it's conspiring against women because it locks them into these very micro products, micro processes and it's not able to, so they're not able to aim for something big I'd like to see you women corporates or whatever that can go to the bank and they're not going to be asked for huge collateral and all of that and can actually do big business, big ventures not the sort of small scale activities that they visit with, so I think that one of the things that if we want to take this provocative idea a bit further is to say the green climate fund for instance we talk about readiness of how the green climate fund can help countries become ready so how can it help enterprising women who have got a good business model business venture, they want to invest in that how can it help those group to become ready and to have a bankable proposal or bankable project, you know I think that is what it needs to do as well so it doesn't just stay within the confines of government but it branches out of that and it reaches out to civil society and I think to some extent that Ivan you know the general thinking is that civil society in Africa is relatively people but we are seeing civil society beginning to really have a voice and depending on where you go in Africa actually in West Africa civil society does have a voice, look at what happened in Burkina Faso, you know so I think that civil society can actually start engaging in calling governments to order and basically forcing governments to really you know take notice but it comes from you know a civil society that understands what the issues are civil society that's engaging that's also a civic responsibility government has a role in making sure that those opportunities are out there and civil society understands this issue and can challenge them but civil society is constantly now playing that challenge function and we need more civil societies that are able to do that because the more we have I mean if you look at civil society here it's very different, very very different from civil society in Africa so I think most people are not so afraid of the state as you would see in Africa because civil society has got a powerful voice but I have to really to see more Burkina Faso's in the election which party was there like the best in the last mist? maybe close maybe close so I just want to really thank Fatima for her wisdom and sharing that with us and Fatima talked a lot about changing the narrative so I want to send several messages coming from your answers and your comments and questions on this I would say that the first one that comes to mind is changing the narrative of looking at women at the vulnerable sector and not as a big part of the solution so women are not the problem they are a big part of the solution and we have to change the narrative there too you said Fatima we have to change the narrative in thinking about sustainable development in terms of tradeoffs and not in terms of triple wins we have to start to talk about the triple wins and not only about the tradeoffs and you talked about climate change but you talk also about ecosystems and if my numbers are right what I know is that 2 billion people in the world live on ecosystems so it's not only about jobs it's about livelihoods if we really want to go through sustainable development and you said we need not only governments but we need to bring the private sector but we need to level the playing field for that in terms of incentives nobody talked about subsidies here but subsidies are not allowing us also to level the playing field for sustainable development options and finally let me say that Fatima talked about values and I think that that's a very important part also of this agenda values and a new humanism I come from Costa Rica you know and we did three things that nobody advised us to do that change the country we declared education universal and free for boys and girls in 1870 when we were the poorest part of Central America we abolished the army in 1948 and we protected 25% of our territory in the 70s when sustainable development was not of the fashion so no economist, I am an economist will have advised my country to do this it was because of values and because we thought about the long term and not only the short term and to do that we need civil society and we need citizen engagement as you said Fatima so I leave you with that and I pass the mic to Camila and I really thank you so much and I think that you deserve a big applause quite a dynamic duo these two they're both on my board of trustees so you can see we have some great conversations but I also wanted to thank you very much as an audience you've been really engaged we've had a whole slew of questions I know you've got a lot more that we could talk about but rather than sitting in your seats I'd like to suggest that we get up and we go and have a drink have a nibble, have a chat there are a lot of us in this room who are working towards trying to make sure that the COP in Paris at the end of next year gives us real foundations for building that more resilient better adapted more ambitious low carbon world that Fatima outlines so clearly it's interesting to see Africans such as yourself seeing climate changes potentially that kind of spur for major visionary change in terms of government in terms of forms of investment particularly investment in people in youth in women and in energy without which none of this can really be brought to fruition so thank you very much for coming please do come and join us because there's a lot more to talk about thank you


Item Number – SCP-382 Object Class – Euclid Special Containment Procedures – SCP-382-1 is to be stored in a standard site or containment room inside a 1.5 x 1.5 x 1.5 meter plexiglass box of 5 centimeter thickness, at minimum. A video camera is to be kept trained on it at all times, though this is merely for observational purposes. Due to the area of influence and deleterious nature of SCP-382's effect, it should only be removed from its enclosure for testing purposes, with staff observing from a remote location. No personnel, Class D or otherwise, should interact with SCP-382-1 for more than two hours, unless accompanied by at least one armed agent. Description – In its inactive state, SCP-382-1 is a large baby carriage, manufactured in 19 r— by r— in England. Its age shows. Metal components are heavily rusted, the rubber of the tires is brittle, and the cushion is missing. SCP-382-2 appears to be an infant, months old, extremely emaciated, with several injuries that seem to vary with each manifestation. On different occasions, SCP-382-2 has shown heavy bruising, broken bones, and sometimes data expunged, despite which 3-8-2-2 could still make vocalizations, although it is unknown how this was possible. When SCP-382-1 is not being interacted with, SCP-382-2 manifests every r— to r— minutes, staying between r— and r— minutes. However, when a person places their hands on the handlebars of the carriage, 3-8-2-2 will instantly manifest, and the period of time of both disappearance and reappearance will decrease to approximately one second. Any person who makes visual contact with SCP-382-1, from now on referred to as the subject, is compelled to approach it and place their hands on its handlebar. While manifesting only intermittently, SCP-382-2 appears to compound the effect when the subject sees it. This effect does not transmit through video feeds, transparent objects, or anything else that would separate SCP-382-1 and its victim. And once the subject is in contact with SCP-382-1, no one else will be influenced until the subject has died, and SCP-382 has reset. As soon as the subject comes into physical contact with SCP-382-1 and SCP-382-2 has manifested, they appear to enter a trance, in which they will propel SCP-382-1 in a small circle and make noises directed at SCP-382-2, apparently intended to be soothing. As time passes, the subject will begin to weaken, and their body will begin to degrade, while SCP-382-1 slowly begins to take on a new, shinier appearance. Rust will begin to flake off, revealing shiny metal underneath, the rubber wheels will become more supple, and a velvet cushion will appear inside. At the same time, each successive manifestation of SCP-382-2 will appear with fewer and fewer injuries, while looking less and less emaciated. The subject will continue to interact with SCP-382 up until just under two hours, at which point they will perish, due to massive widespread organ failure. Once the subject has perished, SCP-382-2 will disappear, and SCP-382-1 will return to its former, derelict appearance within 30 minutes. Addendum 382A On date expunged, my research team and I began testing to determine whether a person of sufficient youth and physical fitness could sustain interaction with SCP-382 past the two-hour mark. D382-GTF-87I was chosen for his age, and because he had been a physical trainer prior to data expunged, and kept in shape throughout his incarceration at his exposure to SCP-382 preceded as normal, though the physical degradation appeared to progress at a slower rate than previous test subjects. After the two-hour mark, with D382-GTF-87I still living, though in extremely poor condition, SCP-382-2 manifested as usual, but did not disappear one second later. SCP-382-2 then data expunged, consuming the then mummified corpse of D382-GTF-87I, and proceeded to data expunged. Fortunately, only one other Class D was killed before SCP-382-2 was terminated by agent B, but the event has necessitated the amending of the SCP-382-2's special containment procedures somewhat. I don't feel that this warrants a change in classification level. Dr. P. Lesson complete. If you missed the previous orientation, go watch SCP-381, the pyrotechnic polyphony, right now. Or for the complete course, watch this playlist.


So of course I was going to call the ambulance. Oh, breasts. Welcome to episode 25, everyone. We are Marty and Michael, and we don't know where we are. I think we're in Scotland. I think that's where we are. Straight out of Edinburgh. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Did you hear that? Yeah, you should have put it up to the mic.  Michael did a little fluffy puffy. So today's date is the 14th of the 9th, 2029. And on this day, a famous event, the first brick was built from Mr. Gay Brickson. And he built a brick accidentally, believe it or not, using sand and dirt and pieces of wood. So he accidentally made the first brick. On this day in 1973. So there's your little famous event. That's when bricks are invented. That is a scary look. That is a worry. Do you like my outfit? I've noticed that you're wearing anything different. Thanks.  Famous birthdays. Tom Cruise. Happy 63rd birthday.      Also, don't jump on couches. Can't be a bit more respectful.  You were so lucky to have Katie Holmes and I'm sure you hit her. I reckon. I'm going to say that Tom Hanks, is it? Tom Hanks, I think, yeah. You hit Katie Holmes. But another famous birthday is the guy who cuts Donald Trump's hair. Very not not that well known yet, but he's on the rise in the hairdressing industry. His name is Gail Fung Tye.  Michael's hair wouldn't look like this if it wasn't for Gail Fingtong Pair. So thank you Gail for sending all that stuff and for always watching and supporting us. Happy 18th birthday to you, our friends. Happens regularly. I don't know what it is. It has spasms in my right elbow. What's that mean? Michael has recently had some serious, serious health scares and he gets worried for a few days, but then some of the serious health scare symptoms subside a bit so he relaxes and then continues his lifestyle of debauchery and alcohol consumption and drug abuse and fast food consumption. And here he is dressed in pink. It's like the pink panther. And no, yeah, we'll get to that in the LA stories, which we should have said last week and we're sorry we didn't, but we'll say that for our story segment this week. On this day in 1842, the first horse was built by Dr. Donkey and he accidentally made a horse out of donkey parts. So thank you, Dr. Horse. Yeah, it is late. What, in 1649, he accidentally made a horse.  Yeah, well, it'd probably be.  So thank you, horse. Dr. Donkey. Dr. Donkey for inventing horses.  All right.  We like to mention some crazy things that have happened on this day in the past and we also like to mention some famous people's birthdays that watch the show. So now we're on to the next segment, which of course has been renamed and it's been renamed. Whoa, even that, that's. That's us.  It says to do that in the title. Oh, it's in the brackets.   Man, Matthew's awesome. It's quite a strange man. Matthew. Sorry, Matthew. Gregory. Gregor Brown. Gregory. Gregory. All right. And this segment is just basically where we answer any questions. So you guys have sent in some questions. You've sent in some for us. You've sent in some for Jackson.  So relax, be patient, or maybe just skip this bit if you don't like us, whatever.  All right. Let's do it. Read the first question. It's from underscore Georgia underscore proctor underscore.  How many times do I have to say it? You don't simply become a legend.  I'm sorry. It's not what we do is not achievable by everyone. It's hard. If someone who wasn't born with the legend gene tried to do what we do, that would fail hard. You're born with it. We were given this gift at birth.  And that's just how it is. I'm sorry. But I'm sure other people are good at other things. I saw this guy the other day. He was very, very efficient at sweeping. He had really unique angles the way he positioned the broom. And he swept a room in maybe half the time. Maybe half the time that I would have been able to sweep the room. You shouldn't be sweeping. We shouldn't be sweeping. Well, it's just you've got to do where your talents lie.  Yeah, dude.  I was looking in the mirror the other day and I was just like so hard. Mirrors are the best, man. Dude, they're my favorite.   We're back to monetization. My whole room is just mirrors. Yeah, dude. I was sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a car window and I'll stop for a good 15 minutes nodding and smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Pumping yourself up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't do it. 15 to 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah. I know it's hard.  I'm always checking myself out in it because it's like, fuck, that is good. Yeah, dude. Yeah, sometimes I'll lose three to four hours a day. Just looking at myself. I'm still on that thing again. Yeah. But yeah, it could be bone cancer. Anyway, back to the mirror and stuff. Like I, dude, I don't know if you do this because well, yeah, you have told me, but let's tell everyone else to go to sleep at night. I just put our vids on. Yeah. I just put them on next to my ear and I just hear like sometimes like until I fall asleep because I obviously have to sleep.  And then like I will be drifting off and just hear our voices from our vids like the audio podcast as well. Like it is just, it's so. I just get Siri to read out the comments, like just read out the love comments and that puts me to sleep usually. But yeah, usually I have a huge mirror that I put on the ceiling above my bed and I'll just lie in bed on my back looking up at myself, tossing off or sleep.  Yeah.  Sometimes I look at analytics and I, and I wank. I just, I'll look, look at our growth over the last three months.  Anyway, next question. Yeah. Dumbass underscore 106.  Man, do you remember? I remember the day. I don't, but I remember the moment. I don't remember the date or the day, what day it was, but the moment when I found my first black hair on the, like near the dick.   I ripped it out. Yeah, yeah. It scared me. Yeah, it is, it is concerning to start with.  But you don't, you don't think, like, looking back now, puberty is pretty traumatic, but you don't know it's traumatic at the time because you haven't gone through it. You don't know what's normal. Know what I mean? It was weird. Do you remember your first bat? Yeah, yeah. I remember it was like, it was scary because you feel like you're about to get there and then you start being crazy. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what's gonna happen. And plus my brother was standing there telling me not to do it, but which was like a bit of a distraction. Yeah, yeah, it stops that. So it made it a bit harder. But yeah, once you get there, it was like, and then, yeah, it was scary. I was at year eight camp and all the boys in my dorm were jerking off saying, yeah, it's cool. It's cool. And I was telling everyone not to do it because I was really offended. Yeah, yeah. I used to pretend like I didn't need to wank because I got bitches.   I don't need to wank. I'll get a lot of sex. Yeah, your brother's a legend like that. But I remember then once everyone went to bed, I was like, why are they raving about this shit? So then I started, I didn't even, I just sort of winked myself off through the pants by rubbing it. It was like a weird clip back then. That's why I'm in the middle of the show. Yeah. Rub them in the pocket. You can rub it. Yeah, yeah.   Next day after- I'm already on here. You're talking about such amazing things without me. Oh, come on. Come on, Kyle. Well, let me introduce him first. No, let me introduce him first. No, no, no. This is good. This is good. He's right. We should have him on for this. These are good questions. So without further ado, let me introduce you the man that has made salmon, salmon the most popular fish in the world. And very silly.    It's sick.  Like, it makes me sick.  Dude, yeah. It's literally like a fucking- You go to Chermside Shopping Centre down the road from us. Great place. And he just gets swarmed.  Give it up for Jackson O'Dowdy. What is up, Mike? Cousins. We just all kissed. What are we talking about? So back to my first off batting story, right?  So then the next day after all the- We went surfing because it was like Telebudger down the Gold Coast.   We got back from after the first activity and I went straight to the toilet to try and do it again. You can't force a wank. It just naturally happens and over time you just get that form right. Because I didn't do like that form for a good while. I used to do like- Like a fire stick.   I think I might have tried that.  I think from the mixing of the- It works for a good three months. I have chips in my mouth. Dude, I used to get scared of my mum walking in.  Didn't you have a lock on your door?  This brings back memes. Almost sunrise. Anyway.    And I'd cum in my undies.  No, I'd throw the undies out. Man, there was some, yeah.  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go and dump them in there. Do you remember when you dumped them down the street? Wet dreams? I don't remember there was a sign there. I don't remember, I still have them. That wet dreams coincided with when boxes were cool. So I would just wear boxes, I'd go to sleep and then just jizz in my boxes while I was dreaming. And then I'd have like four pairs of jizzed up boxes lying around my room. And then when it came laundry day, like I'd forgotten that mum did the laundry and that she would just walk in and she'd be like, oh, didn't you just, and then, yeah, I don't even want to really talk about it.  Yeah, yeah. I never had a wet dream in blue from it. I told my parents when I had wet dreams. I told them, I told them when I learned how to wink. What were you saying today earlier on about mum? Oh, I was just saying that I'm attracted to her. I think, I think it's normal just not everyone admits it. Is it, am I incorrect? True. I definitely can't, I can't say that. Mum, mum's pretty hot. But like, I don't have that for like, it's not. Your mum is not hot. Please tell me you're lying. Dude. I have, I need to see a picture, like a nude, hopefully. Yeah, I've got. She doesn't have Facebook? Didn't she cop? No, she's not a cop. She's free from... Dude, no, no, she's, yeah. She was, she's like... You've got a hot mum. I reckon your mum's hotter. I've got a hot mum. Oh, no, my mum's probably most likely definitely hotter. His mum is probably hotter.  Yeah, but what, when did you start wanting to eff your mum? I never wanted to eff my mum. I just said she was hot. Yeah. Okay. Big difference, Michael.  Do you have a brain? You alcoholic.  Now the sip.  Next question. All in all, yeah, I think my mum's very hot. And you guys can be the judge also. She has Instagram, Janine, Odo. Where do you go? Have a little look? All right. Has she got followers? Duh.  When do you guys have glasses of water at if you're guests or something thirsty? Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what Matt told me to get. Really? Yeah. Okay.  Yeah, you gotta get into alcohol. I don't want to get into alcohol. Look at you and you're a great example as to why not to get into alcohol. Look at me.  I'm 29. Nearly 30. And I pissed the bed. All right. Next question. Next question is from Michael underscore Fallon underscore verified Michael Fallon. Some of you guys might know. He's got a blue tick. He's got a blue tick now. Good friend of ours. He has asked on a scale of one to 10, 10 being you'd have sex with it and one being you'd throw up on it and then bury it. How much do you like apples? Oh, seven? I've never looked. I've never been sexually attracted to any fruit. But if you bore a hole through an apple, I can imagine it could be all right. I'd give it a try. And to be honest, that I've never considered it before. But since that question has been asked. Yeah. It brings back a memory from school. It's like a strong seven. I sort of want to maybe even try it.  And what we used to do is you used to get a pan and you'd put the pan in an apple and you'd swirl around a little bit and you'd fill it up with white out. Remember white out? The liquid.  It was like a cum apple and you'd launch. Dude, you could launch that at someone's head and it would just explode with cum. Next question is from sebb.woodrow and he or she has asked, why did Nigel ditch for like a year? Okay, that was for Nigel. Okay, we can answer that. Yeah, he met a woman. Nigel basically, he wasn't allowed to post on social media because there was a mafia drug lord chasing him. This guy from Africa who thought that Nigel had something to do with the cocaine shipment being rerouted from Australia to America thought that Nigel had something to do with it. And Nigel, like nothing, nothing to do with it. So he came to Australia and was hunting Nigel for four to five years. And there were some really hairy moments where some of his gang members saw him on the streets and we were with him one of those times and we had to leg it into the marathon. I sucked one of them all. I laid one of the dudes off. The marathon hotel, we had to leg it in there and tell the security what was going on and they stopped the African drug lords from killing us that day. Yeah. So that's why he was off social media for a year, I think. Yeah, I think, yeah, I've heard that somewhere. Could have been a dream. I'm not in a movie, but anyway. Yeah, whatever. All right, next question is from PhilipusWalter8. What a good name. And he or she has asked, how long do you guys knew Jackson? May I interrupt? Is this username, is this person a verified account? No. Next question. Next question. Mitchelton underscore. We know each other because they got me on their TV show. Michael and I used to have a shitty little community TV show and we got Jackson and Charmy on as guests to interview once. No one. We paid for their flights. No, Marty paid. Yeah. That was straight out of my pocket. Yeah, Marty paid. Yeah. They flew us up there. I stayed in the hotel. Paid for accommodation. For you, not for Charmy though. I guess that was because Charmy lived in Brisbane and I had the hotel. Why wouldn't you just stay at Charmy's house that night? I don't know. I wanted to get a hotel. Yeah, fair enough. We had no followers. I think Charmy actually had, because you know how he lives with his aunt. He was living with his aunt at the time. She lives in his house. I think she might have had a friend there. Or they had like her family member there.  We're flying up and sleeping on the floor. And also I would. We had no followers. Don't ever forget that. She should show everyone on camera then. I know. Meth dots. Swirl on the pipe once in many times. My lovely girlfriend has a pimple popping obsession and I have to be the brunt of it. She rips out my beard hairs, causes this and now I have red marks on my face. I'm dating. Yeah, Jackson's dating a girl also.  Maybe I am. We have had.  Me, Michael nearly fucked. On New Year's Eve once. We won't get too into it. We won't get in. We won't get too into it. We won't. It was a joke. Oh, look. It was pretty close to becoming a reality. Michael was spreading his cheeks apart on a couch. Completely naked. New Year's Eve fucked. Anyway, long story short. We're always nude around each other, showing each other our parts and that. I had a morning bone. I was walking out. I'm probably hard 90s at the time. Even if us three and Greg and Nigel were all in the car driving together, I would probably somehow have an erection. And I just always get it out and show everyone. That's just what I do. I walked down the morning with an erection, as always.  Midway through a bender. A few words got thrown around. A few ideas would pop through each other's heads. Things were said. Things were said. Nothing was done. Thank God we came to our senses.  We wouldn't have fucks.  You'd have to roofie me. We won't see. We're never going to see.  Next question is from michelton underscore. And he or she has asked crunchy or soft tacos asking for a friend. Both. I like both. Together. Yeah. I'll get a perfect answer. You go. I reckon soft. But yeah, I can understand crunchy. Okay. You want to hear my answer motherfuckers? Crispy taco with the soft on the outside. Double. A double cast. A crispy taco in a burrito thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why has that not been done before? It has been. Taco belt do it. But that's just yes. Fuck. We never heard that. She's going to go there. Should we take the pork cast there? All right. Bring the you ready? How long does this take to pack up, Greg? It's Gregory. It's Gregory. Gregory. I'm sorry. Gregory Brown. Really? Yeah. So it's not your middle name? And why is it? Isn't that illegal to have your dad's name as your middle name? Dude, no, no. My dad's middle name is Michael. 100%. That's not a lie. Are your parents proud of you? No, yes. Ever since? 9-11. Yeah. Ever since 9-11. Post 9-11. They've been a bit weird with you. Terrorist. Hey, I didn't do it. I just helped. You gave a shout out to some of the boys, did it? Anyway, next question is from Myrna Daniel 636. And he or she has asked, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Cup of bum. Yeah, yours would be arseholes. 100% bumhole. Yeah.  Hundreds of arseholes. It would have to be like real life food. I don't know, probably sushi. Pizza for you. Yeah. Wow. Really? Pizza for you. Hawaiian pizza. So that is your number one. Half of it's got chili flakes because it gets a bit too much. Anyway. And all. He had three lunches today. Because he hates everything he ever orders. And Myrna would be just an assortment of vegetables. Actually, sorry. An assortment. Actually, I loved it. Michael, you're being very rude. Mine would be an assortment of vegetables, not because they taste good, but just because sometimes they become health conscious. And I know right now that that is what I should be eating. So that's what it would be. No. And I want to change my answer because I live with Loki. When he cooks, it's my favorite. And Sate, no meat. Just Sate vegetable stir fry. Unbelievable. Where's the protein though? Yeah, it's in the beans. Next question is from Sene Coastal Life. And he or she has asked to Jackson, have you ever felt embarrassed? Not like real, real embarrassment. Like there's been obviously little things when we do videos, but nothing where I'm like, remember the time I drank your piss? That wasn't embarrassing. Yeah, I know. If anything would be embarrassing for you. Oh, my Snapchat story? Well, it wasn't really embarrassing. It was kind of just like, fuck, because it looked so little. I'm trying to think of the last time I got really, really embarrassed. Dude, you make me embarrassed on the regs. Seeing people from my past life when I used to be a tennis coach. Now, it's so embarrassing. Because usually really rich business owners or whatever. And it's always like, oh, seeing your videos, it's very funny. You just not have a past life. Yeah. I thought about that. But then I thought like, I don't want to lose that. You know? I don't want to forget it because it helps.  Yeah. Yeah, you're right. My name died of that. Like, I don't know if that's what killed her. That's what she had before she died. She fully forgot who I was. Dude, same, same as mine.  Is Nigel Jackson's dad, if so, did he get us funny slash craziness from him?  Yeah. Is he, is he, he told us that he wasn't, but is he your dad? Well, he said he wasn't. Yeah. And I guess that just sums it all up. Well, it's my childhood. Yeah. Nigel is Jackson's biological father, but he is a bit ashamed. All right. The next segment has been renamed. What was it? It's really close. And basically this is just a segment where we talk about an old story and it just so happens that the story that we're going to talk about this week is our time in LA and Jackson was there for half of it. Oh yeah, this is perfect. It is. Everything is working out perfectly, Greg. LA was a good time. It was a great time. Happiness was everywhere, but for the.  This is a 2.5 to 3 million dollars.  It was like very, very, very minor compared to other Airbnb's that we usually go to in America. That was just a few fly streams thrown away.  A few broken windows. That is all nothing that bad. We've done a lot worse. And also the. And this wasn't our fault, but every time someone had a shower upstairs, the sink would overflow in the kitchen and and sewage would just flood the entire kitchen.     And then we would just open the windows from the the first story and piss into the spa and the the spa became our toilet. And yeah. And you know, the ground became our rubbish. Some other highlights from LA. We Michael got a tattoo of one of our friends. Friends name was so smashed.  Perot. He's a good dude. One time this is finding his part. It's my favorite moment of the whole trip. We were coming home after filming a few clips in Hollywood to our place in Uber. And Marty just lets his fart rip wherever he is, whenever, whenever.   And it was that was funny. Another thing that he literally was driving 100 kilometers in a 60 zone weaving in like LA traffic's fucked. They're overpopulated.   And then with rage he was fueled with hate from what Marty did. And yeah, it was the funniest moment of the trip for me. We got super high went on a TMZ tour. Do you guys do that higher? Yeah, they record you.   We're trying to like slid down the seats trying to hide as much as we could. But she just kept asking us questions. I never when I say us. I mean me because Michael refused to say anything. So there'd be awkward silence. I was like this. I was like this.   Jackson, why didn't you guys simply say you didn't speak English? Yeah, we should have some Australia. Hey, how are you going guys? You guys in Australia? What do you think of this? Throw some shrimp on the burry, man. We should have said that. Every American says that throw some shrimp on the bar. I've never heard of one Aussie ever say that shrimp.   Yeah, well, I don't own a Barbie. Like eat them cold. The dough. No, the dough. I eat them raw.           So that's our LA story. It was pretty cool. We met some cool people. We met Vitaly. We went to the team 10 house. We met Chad Tepper and Zach arse. The best thing about California is weed's legal. And you can literally buy gummies. The highest we've ever like that is a good high eating. You guys do edible gummies there. Do we ate a whole pack in three days? You know they can make you hallucinate. Yeah. I don't think we hallucinate a bit. Yeah. And I didn't say them ones did. I said sometimes edibles can have that effect. But you clearly he's not listening. He's not listening to you.  How old are you? I'm like a hundred. So that's the story of LA anyway. The next segment has been not renamed. It's just it's got in brackets guest Jackson. And I guess maybe Matthew Gregory Brown thought that Jackson's first name was guest or something. And then his last name was Jackson.  Why is there a pop in it? What do you mean pop in it?  It's not a whitehead or anything. It's like probably like a bite. Try and squeeze my skin. You slap. It's because you're covered in. You don't.  No, that's actually a tattoo, mate. Yeah, he's got that bump tattooed on.  We might as well do a little bit of guest Jackson. Yeah. Yeah. Who are you? Oh, you're gonna actually talk a bit about other stuff. Yeah. Interesting. Like what do you want to be? Where are you gonna be in five years? Have you heard of Charmy? Yeah. He's hurting. He's big deal, man. What do you guys want to know? I want to know. I want to know what you're doing, man.   Jackson used to live in this house. He used to dwell in this area. Yeah, he used to sleep with me. No, he's never slept over. I think I actually slept in the bed all the time. I had that room and I liked the bed more because your bed was just fucking. You would live every night.    No, no. I pissed a lot. Nine girls. I pissed nine girls. You're so far away from the mind. Oh, yeah. I pissed all over Jackson's. No, that's your spare bedroom mattress.    Solid chunks of piss.     Oh, yeah. I said that. He doesn't. It's going solid. No, I did that because Manique was staying over. I didn't want to wake you guys up going to the bathroom at night.    Why don't you go and buy something? You can hear a cockroach walk down the stairs and they walk downstairs. I actually enjoyed living here. But the moment Marty moved out, it's like kind of went a little vibe. Just got lost a bit. Yeah, yeah. Agreed. It's never been the same since I left. It was fun when we're all here because like Michael didn't drink quite as much. Marty left. Michael started drinking more and I don't really like alcohol like that.  So I left and I left fast. Did you get you only went 200 meters up this tree and you want me to come over tonight to play? I mean, what are you going to? You know what's a snake? I'm not going to shower either. Can I sleep in this spare bed? Yeah, you can actually.  My old bed. I'm sleeping on the piss bed in my normal room because I like that mattress more. He is.    Yeah, you can't ever leave him.  I was at Charmys the other day you're filming and out of the back, there's just this mattress next to the bush. And that's what they put out for Michael when he's there because he pisses everywhere.  Yeah, yeah.  Have a human not an adult. A human.  And I'm going to have my way with you later.    Maybe.  You would love it. I know why you're so cocky.  You're also lonely. Yeah, I'm more feminine. You're changing his skinnier. You're changing his answer, don't you? Yeah, yeah. You can't manipulate me into voting.  I don't know if I'd kill you. I do like being around you sometimes. I probably like Mary Nigel because he's got more money. Nah, fuck, I couldn't marry Nigel.  I'm probably married Marty's because he's the healthiest. And I know that I'm going to have a partner for a good long time. Fuck. You know that I won't do you wrong, bro. You'll be loyal.  I can't.  More importantly, you're healthy. He's an alcoholic and Nigel drinks 10 coffees a day. So, in terms of health department, marry for longevity, Marty.  Do you want to know who Nigel killed? No, I don't tell him after.   It's hard to say when I'm sitting next to you. He did.  He's trying to know he's that I'm killing that. That one hurts.  He changed. Oh, what was my original answer? Kill Nigel. Yeah.  I let you, you almost did. You almost did, right? You've already nearly done it, eh? Can I be drunk? Yeah, of course. Oh, cool.  At least I know my fucking, the choice of married is going to live for longer than a few more years. Yeah. Oh, look, he's already finished that glass. Yeah, that's all my alcohol is on. That's it. So, I'm bored. Can we finish this? I'm going to bed. You want to play CT? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got heated beers in the fridge for tonight because I knew you were coming. Don't excite me. I just told you he's giving you six beers. No, he's not. I was like, when did I bought you a case once? I didn't lie about that. I bought a six pack. I knew we were going to have a good session tonight.  Yeah.  I've won. If you're serious, dude, I will. No, you're not.  I went down to the shop. I went there with Nigel today. I've got a six pack of beers. I've got some soft drink. Some sticky tape. Some starburst. I'm soaking now. So, the next segment has not been renamed. It's just still called prank call.  And Michael is going to insert some words that he's written down. And I have to incorporate them into my order while I'm calling Domino's. Here we go. Hey, can I just place a pick up order, please? Friction. There's just a bit of friction. What sort of value pieces do you guys have? Multiple sclerosis, whatever that word is. I've just got multiple sclerosis. Is there any sort of chicken pizzas? What are the chicken pizzas that you have? Empathy. Pardon? Empathy. Rash. Empathy? Yeah. No, no, that's just like a slang word that I use. Empathy when something's cool. All right. So, yeah, let's just put down one of those barbecue chicken pizzas. With rash on it. Silverback. Yep, rash. Yeah. And do you guys have any silverback meat? Pardon? Crystal man. Do you guys have any silverback meat? Yeah, yeah, sorry. I've never really ordered from this before. I'm not sure what the ingredients are called. Do you guys not have silverback meat or? Crystal man. Or a crystal man? I'm not sure. Right. Okay. What sort of other beef pizzas do you have? Boiled. We have the beef and onion. Is that boiled or? It's like put in an oven. Oh, wow. That's so pedophile. Cat skin. All right. Well, I'll just get what was it? Oh, there's like a meatlovers or something. I'll just get that with. Barbecue chicken. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So a barbecue chicken and then I meet lovers with extra cat skin. Hang on. My teeth are just bleeding, bleeding teeth. Birth operation. And there's this birth operation. Do you guys have any sides as well? Birth operation? Retarded development. Yeah, we do have sides. We have. All right. So so far. So let me just read this order back out. So we got the barbecue chicken. We got a barbecue meatlovers with extra cat skin. And then we have a birth operation. Birth operation.  Development. I've got a shattered heart. I'm sorry. Shattered heart. Sorry. I'm just I've never ordered here and I've just got a bit of a shattered heart listening to you. I'm. Demented. A bit embarrassing and I feel a bit demented. Do you have a let's just leave those two pizza orders. What sort of drinks do you have? Enrolling children. We have like pet solar. Do you enroll in children? So you guys are like enrolling children? Are you guys like enrolling children? Like to work at Domino's or is that? Efficient rapers. Yeah. Yeah. Was there like because I just there's like an efficient rapers down the road. And I just I sort of need work.     Active friction. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. My name is friction. F-R-I-C-T-I-O-N. Frictions boil. Friction spoil. Friction s-s-p-o-i-l. Friction, friction spoil. Teeth are bleeding. Teeth are bleeding. Demented with the shattered heart. Yes, please. And I'm also demented with the shattered heart. Enrolling children. Efficient rapist.  Is there no more?  Happy dick is also the last one on the list. You've been part of a prank call. Thank you very much for your help. I cancel that. Cancel that order. Okay. At the end. Okay. At the end was like she was a hater. The hard part is making it all the way through the prank or without them hanging up. And we did that. Yeah, it's not usually that you get- Like, that's a lot. That's a big list.  Like, I could have kept going.  Oh, yeah, I snuck those phrases in there. Well, I think that's just, it's hard to tell. I sound like a normal person. What do you think, Jackson? That's what most people sound like when they order food. You mean very entertained by our prank call. You've been enjoying what we've done. And on that note, we're the best. Best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best.


Ukraine's uncrewed surface vessels have become a big problem for Russia. The role of uncrewed surface vessels in the war between Russia and Ukraine is growing and they can be used against the weakest points in Russian sea-based logistics. According to United Kingdom Defense Intelligence, it is noted that the Russian merchant tanker Sieg was damaged near the Kursh Strait on the 4th of August by a drone attack. A day earlier, there was a similar attack on the Olenegorsky-Goniak landing ship and two days before that, it appears there was an unsuccessful attack on Russian patrol boats when they were believed to be escorting the Russian merchant ship Sparta-4 according to UK Intelligence. Analysts noted that although Sieg and Sparta-4 are civilian vessels, they have been used for a long time to transport fuel and military cargo between Russia and Syria. Since 28 February 2022, Russian military ships have not been able to pass through the Bosporus, leaving Russian military forces in Syria and the Mediterranean heavily dependent upon Sieg, Sparta-4 and a handful of other civilian vessels. The attacks show that uncrewed surface vessels operations are increasingly a major component of modern naval warfare and can be turned against the weakest links of Russia's sea supply lanes. United Kingdom Defense Intelligence said