स्वाहांगलेक्कूम, मैं हो मुखतार आबनत, वर्च्छिल यूँज्टी के खोर्स म्ज्टी, ती फिर्दो वान्त के साथ. तो यह है, विश्वार विश्वार नेमध के बारे में. नाई बी लिएप, नहीं, अगर ज़ाएद परच्छाते, ती दिंग ख़ध़े लीएग, क्या आप पुच चीजें, जो आप तुपस एच्वार मगगगे बूख्स है वैंगा से गफ पिकत तर के, में आपके साथ रेक्चर में दीखष्टरना शुगती है मैं. और आज हम, लेक्चर नमब, तेन के साथ, अपके साथ तन तोप्यक्स दिसकस रफने करने के लिए है तो आजका लेक्च्छा है चिरूँ करते हैं लेक्चन एगे ख़्यूँ उसे पहले हम फ़ोड़सा क्ष्ले को, जो तो मैं लास अच्चर में दिसकस पीया ता उसको साथ कौरिलेट करनेगी कोश्टिट तरेंगे और उसे फिर आगे चलेंगे लेक्चेर नमबर नाई देख वस बेसिकली आन पंच्चन राप एचार, एचार धिपार्ट में जो ना ज़ाएग, हुमल सोस मैनजमेद की आज्च की फंच्चन क्या है तिनकेर हैस में उनका और है पारnt लेक्चचन करते है औरुसके लिए हमने पाच बेसिक पंच्चन को इसक्चन लिए गाखा उग्गे आते एक बादल की शकल में आप क्यिम रो सोस तंचन की बाट्गे खीती और उस थाजे़ के अगल रेएभीiderman बाटगे एक फंच्चन की ए � fundamentally, they try to understand within this broader area what different activities the HR department is performing. And as I said earlier these things are continued changing. Remember that when we were talking about personnel management and shifting from personnel to HR, how this, डोतीन काम करते शीरु में, like पिकने का आप कि दिप वहाँ कर लिए कर ज़ूए, भी स मननगी सबठा है। अचटीं बारे कंषं चो कर लिया, चूटीं आप रकार लक लिया, वहाँ अप शिफ शेटगं कर लिए खोगतर आप की अप अच चान साख जर वो भेरतिं उन् धागनलेंस्ये। अँ देड़़्ाता कर now these are more specific area where we are entering. जिन दिन स्वित्रद कर तुाज़़़़ है you must be concerned so many things together. तो दोग बना at each point or each topic in a separate lecture in detail. या तो देड़़़़़़़़़़़़़़़़़़़़ रहाला रहा था। You might have also observed थoti the text book. अद the book you are following for the subject, you have the separate chapters for each such topic तो फिर इस में गवरानी की जोगत नहीं, हम आस्ता सा उसी तरोच्यफ कर रहे है, लेकन साथ साथ आपको लेके भी चलनें, वो जो शुडू से हर बाद हर चेप, हर लेक्चर में में आप से कहता हो, के you will not make a difference unless you put a lot of your efforts there. उके आप को अज़ में स्राज हो आपने आप के पैले पडे आने से प्यले यह डیکने से पौले को आप आप यह एस लेख्च्चेझ। समझऊने से प्यले � sino Onee겠죠 को ख syllabus लेक्चो को नहीं को दिउखाप के है, तो भी आर्टाःउ के अंधर उपने दब ये लेक्चर सूनने, यसकी नोध्स परने आं।, यसप्ये Develops यसकी तब देकने। तो तब आरा जाकी देख्ये तो चब्च्प्यो को दुबाराजा पभडृेंगे। ये श्स्ता पिरते औरा ज़्ब आंप स्थ्तंध करेगे यिट़। थरिट्वर NBC औक फ्रिड़ अपको सल योग उत्बग़ी ट्रवल हो गी जब दुबार�स को भी देख � hvor�AS to beli kar न sense buchulle इसक्ट डबो ज्रब म्तक Bike focus तो प्ल sitting ocean aib husband yes we also dedice that it is not necessary that this function is in the same way in the entire organization and we pick one reference point. you can see that the sizes of the organization have different sizes in it so its the difference between the two. and if you remember look over 3 type of organization, small organization your family business शोटा साद करन लोगों के साथ आपने को भिज्मेश शुद किया वहापे आचर के फुंक्षिन टोट्री दिफ्रंट हो जाते है रोल दिफ्रंट हो जाते है सीमिलाली, एक मेदिं साईज अगनाशन की बात कितने हमने अगनाशन लाज साईज अगनाशन अगनाशन लाज साईज में भी हम ने कि यह दिसकरस किया, के एक तो ट्रीजनल तरीका है बड़, जुटु चेंज़। अगनाशन नहींवें, आप पीपल आप प्रोखषिन मोग तुओर उत इसकात के आप लग खुत गरॡ drunk और सी मका का लग। आप आप वूओ दिसकरे इड कुट है और ओवելगा और सहाश ये जाशाशन घरे al या और सix वह तेखा, शाले ऱी आपवाचा far पर शार ब खर्ँाअ, वह स значच्र कि आए जो पल आचार दिपार्टमेज जो कुन्त्रोलेंग पूँशन पूँशन या स्क्रीनिंग काँम करता ता अब आस्तासा है या आप इन शिप या शिप्तिन तुवर्ट चेंज इजन्त या साथी स्थेटिक पार्ट्नर का रोल प्ले कारें तो इस साथी चीस को हमने आप प्र या कम � selfies of the organization knows. पूँँष्तिसे है हि पायया के कषेट CEOs turns the number of MCU members, mis...!  सु कहंजी खृर्सस यी strongly forse Toyota khun Maori, ISO Lao कितनि कि स्स्नोग एट यह। t-kithni kisht sümü काह्जिंすाऍए, मुऔ mergedदि avanzin waabboyitos और भी काफी लोगं को यप्टारी यवन अबसाईज दापनाशन तो अदर कंफीज तो अदर अगनाशन उसको हम तर मैख्रो थी आप एक्टरने नवारमट के अपने यस के अंदर भी हमने एकनामेख कंटीशन, खेकनालोगी अन यह नवारमट के अंदर हमने अन मैज्र का अप्टीषूड है, अप्टीषूड है, लेंनावी का सिस्टम् पालो कर है, तो प्रीष्टीश के यह आस kept your different functions especially when we are talking about HR functions. नहीं आछने में आप दिसली फोग मुझे क्यानेंथी इंगे या और इँदालाया उदियाग़? आप साथःत्जाँ, its line management. इंगे उदियाग़ूँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँँ Entwicklung of the line management effect. इना और बंजःीखान, इंठने का तलिन का था, i will try to clear this concept of what line management or what is staff authority and what is line authority. to play in a sense HR function soup. Even if they are, it is in a small organization or it is in a medium sized organization or it is in a large sized organization. So one way or other, each manager is involved in HR function, HR activities. So this thing is called line manager duties. But to understand this, first of all we know that what is the difference between line manager or line authority and staff authority. Now from line you come to a straight line. But line here means when we will read the organization structure somewhere, then you will see the design of the organization there. It is a small block where the president is. I think you have also seen it. During our last lecture, lecture number 9 where I tried to tell you in a small diagram how it happens in small organizations, how it happens in medium sized organizations. So the link between them is through a line. That thing is called line authority or line manager. But let's go in a little bit in a simplest way and try to understand what is line and staff management or manager or authority is. But it has to do something with the authority. Line versus staff authority. To understand this, first of all we know what authority is. You must have heard a few words. Power, authority, influence and what is the difference there. The power is basically something by which you can control the behavior of other people. Now you can take desirable work from them. And that can be legal or illegal whatever. But if it is legitimate power, legal power, then we call it authority. And influence is because of any characteristic, because of its expertise, because of its knowledge, because of its seniority, because if somebody is following his or her direction, that is influence. But here we will be mainly concerned with authority part. For authority catch is a, as shown in this slide, authority is basically making decision or directing work or giving orders. But this should be legit made. In the official capacity of the organization, people who are doing this work have authority. So basic, based on authority, we can differentiate the people working or manager or department as line department or line managers or staff manager. But let us also look at the authority. What are the types? As I told you, line authority, staff authority or functional authority. What is line authority? This is right to make the decisions and to give orders to subordinates. In the organization, the CEO or admin, the people in admin, they have the line authority. They have to give direction to the CEO. Other departments have to follow it. They are subordinates. So they have line authority. But the staff authority, their function is something different. Yes, they are basically, they have the right not only to obey the orders, but also to advise the line authority people. The top executives, the manager are there. To advise them, not only advise them, but also to assist them so that they can process their authority. So the function of the staff is kind of service provided. This does not mean that they don't have the right to say something. Yes, they can also advise. These are HR people. They can advise us that we need this kind of people. They need this kind of training. Of functional authority, what is it? It is that authority. Let's see, you don't have any specific right to make the decision.  You have to decide certain things. There the functional authority will start taking play basically. So a little bit, I hope that you have understood. If you don't understand this, then take any management book. I have tried that at the end of this chapter. There is a little explanation of it. Definitions are given in every term or explanation so that this is clear on your mind. But anyway, I hope at the end of this lecture even, it will be much better for you to understand what is different between line and staff authority. And what is HR role? Do they come in line or do they take part in line authority or do they come in functional area or do they come in staff area? Who is line manager? You have already discussed the definition of manager in a few lectures. Any person of the organization who will do planning, organizing, controlling, leading function, they are called managers. But here we are talking about line manager. So who is line manager? A manager who is authorized by the organization, yes, to direct the work of subordinate and responsible for what? Why he or she is directing because he is responsible for accomplishing the organization goal. Basically it is the same thing that we discussed in detail to understand management, to understand the organization and to understand the manager. Even there, manager is a person who plan, who organize, who lead and who control different resources of organization to achieve the goal. And what is happening here? Again the same thing. But here we are discussing with reference to authority. That is the manager who is directing the subordinate so that the predetermined goal can be achieved. But you will say that HR manager also does the same. To your manager even if they are not in the line position, still they are performing the same thing, yes. But here they are acting as facilitator for the main purpose of the organization. Line manager ne kya karna hai? Accomplishing goal. They are authorized to direct the work of subordinates and they are always someone boss. Some of them are bossy. They are serious subordinates. They are leading the work and then from that question, if they are technical people, if they are human result people, if they are financial people. They always assist them, the line manager not only assist them but advise them also. So that their objective can be achieved in a better way. So then, who is the staff manager? A manager who assists and advise the line manager. I cannot do this easily for you. I hope that you are picking up now. The line manager also does the HR function. How does he do it? He doesn't understand it. Placing the right person for the right job. Very important aspect of the organization. Who has to decide who to invest in manager finance? Who has to invest in administration? Let's see if a person has 10 or 15 different setups. So it comes in his authority and power that he should decide or she should decide. Where can this person perform well? Of course he or she might get help from other department, personnel department or HR department. That they should guide them. If I send him there, he can take advice. But the decision will be from his side or her side. And this is the first function. Technically, it is HR function. Who is performing? The top manager, the CEO or the line manager. He or she is deciding where to send him. Initially it is the work of HR department. It doesn't mean that I am not trying to confuse you. That he did not do the work. The work comes from the person whose owner is the chief executive. He has the right to see the big picture and adjust everything according to him. So the first function of HR is related. The line manager performs that is placing the right person for the right job. And this is also our basic objective of HR. HR basically is what it is, human resource management. So basically that management is the first party for the right person for the right job. They also start new employees in the organization. How they start? They decide for the orientation. Maybe in the future we will discuss what is orientation. When you look at a book, you will see that it is called socialization process. This orientation training or socialization is basically you are trying to acclimatize a new person who has recently joined your organization to understand yourself in a comfortable way. This also performs the line manager. So this is the function of HR that the line manager is performing. Similarly training. Who is advising this? The HR department is advising that yes, we have evaluated the system. Due to some last lecture number 9, the performance of Rachel was discussed that based on that, you decide whether training should be done or not. Who is making the decision here? The top management. Of course the HR department is guiding them, advising them that yes, we need training for such and such people because they are not performing up to mark. Or we need training for such and such person because in the next phase we will be bringing new equipment, new machinery. So we will be needing more expert people or advance new things and we need training for that. But who is doing the decision? Your top management is doing the line manager. Similarly because she has to perform in a way that they should all together achieve the objective. If she is not completing the objective, then the improvement will be done but the performance will be done by the people. Who will do the decision? The line manager will do it. But with the help of other staff managers and their services, after discussing with them, these things will be implemented. Another function is creativity. This is very important for the survival of today's organization. Unless you are creative, you cannot go for the development. Creativity is again becoming a buzzword. All organizations are striving very hard so that they should come up with something new, new idea, some creative product, some creative idea of doing business. So the more concern you will show in the organizations, unless you have top commitment for certain things, you cannot bring a change, you cannot create something different. So you cannot initiate creativity or facilitate it because unless top management is convinced, you cannot create anything. So for that, let's see if you want to have more R&D research and development so that you should come up with a new idea. So for that too, the top manager, the line manager, his involvement, his decision is important. So here also, technically if you look at it, it is HR's function, the human resource, but still the line manager is the person who is making the decision. Should we spend on extra resources for this purpose or not? Should we encourage it or not? What should we do? Just the routine work. So creativity for creating creativity, line manager is also playing his role. Working relationship within the organization, who is responsible for that? Yes of course, HR department, other departments, they have to act, but still, the decision is of the line manager. So any action, we have to understand that it is all of playing different kind of roles. And sometimes that picture gets so overlapped that we don't understand who did this work. But if we understand the basic concept, then these things start getting clear. Keep this in mind that within the organization, some people have role in decision making, some have role in advice and facilitation. And some are performing at the functional level. So authority by virtue of those legal aspect that is with the line manager that they have to make the decision yes or no. Of course they will be suggesting, they will be proposing. But the decision of the line manager or the CEO or the authority person will be there. Similarly, deciding about the policies, procedures and implementing them is decision of the line manager. And you can again say that implementation is done by some other people yes but by virtue of that order that decision or authority that conveys to the subordinates is done by the subordinates. So its implementation and services are done by other people. So this is also related to HR because who has to do the policies. Who has to do the policies. The people who work in the organization they have to do the policies. So here also there is HR function human related function but who is performing the line manager. Of course he is also and she is also human being but he has authority to do that. Similarly very when we are talking about production things controlling the labour cost is very important. Nowadays if you talk about business then every business ultimate reason the mission statement might be different that people are saying that we have to do this. But if business point of view is seen then each organization is going to increase their market share. And what is market share that they have more and more business. Let's see if you are producing something in the market more and more people for your product. If you are giving a service then in the market you have to use your service. This is the main model of every organization. Or in other words in the financial term the profit can be increased. And to see this we teach the business students that two things are very important. One is controlling the cost another thing is creating the differentiation. Of course now we are just moving towards something different. But to give you a little effect that if you control the cost then what is the benefit of that? If you lower the cost because at this time competition is very high. Like the concept of globalization that we have heard technology has not come all kinds of people are getting involved in the business so competition is increasing accordingly. Now how to survive? Because now you don't have the monopoly there First of all let's see that a company is producing and nobody is there to compete with them so they were kind of free to charge anything. But now the competition competition has come so it is not like that today. If you buy something in a market which is only 10 rupees then at the same time you are giving 9 rupees. It is said that let's go I will reduce the profit margin because the quality is the same. Now just imagine if let's see the both person who is producing this product their cost is getting 8 rupees. The one who is selling in 9 rupees has started working on profit on 1 rupees but the other one was working on profit on 2 rupees. So they have more margin the price of playing is not more but between 10 and 10 rupees. They have margin of 1.5 or 1.5 or even 10. But just imagine if a person if an organization if a department was able to cut the cost due to any reason having the best technology the inventory losses they have controlled they got the raw material they got the cost they got the transportation cost they were able to create the produce the same product for the 6 rupees Now they got the margin of 4 rupees between 6 and 10 Now don't think that that organization or that group has more as in the market and they will become the market leader So this thing is also HR related and you must have heard that China that there is a lot of money in the market in competition it is very difficult to compete with it and it is also said that there is labour chief People with us you have seen that now they are moving towards this area they are even giving to China they are going to India they are even thinking of coming to Pakistan but why they are moving from those big countries that they are bringing their own productions here because there is a labour cost here Pakistan is a little higher as compared to China or India that is why we are our businessmen in those countries in the international market So if you control labour cost then you will have an idea So this was out of kind of contact but from this you got an idea that labour cost what is the need to control and why top executive align manager is involved here Yes again Lacha department will be facilitating them assisting them to labour cost control but the CN is again by the top management of line manager developing the abilities of each person in the organization who will do that different training departments HR departments or technical departments but who will give the order who will decide for it is the line manager agreed in changing the morale within the organization now here again different staff managers different services departments different functional departments they will be playing their role but under whose direction the line manager so here this function is also being decided by line manager similarly employees health and physical condition this also you can also outsource you can also set up your own but again this here top management or line manager who have authority how far you can go what to arrange you can take a guideline from your health and safety department employees or welfare department HR department is involved but this here is of the line manager so that is also the function of HR which is being performed by line manager by his or her this here are orders see ahead similarly staff managers they also HR some jobs some functions and then you will see a new picture that HR department people are doing all functions same time HR managers carrying out 3 different types of work one is they perform the line function yes within their organization within their department they also perform the line function basically how to do it the top executive of one within organization now HR manager he or she will adopt the role of as a line manager he can use authority or because of his influence he becomes authority he might not be authorized to make certain decisions but because he is now more close to chief executive or line manager and he convince him or her we have to do this naturally so this is also a line function similarly coordination function of different departments this is also HR staff HR people who are doing coordination because they are involved in the function control training development even the other human related activities to control the function level these are also doing HR department similarly services are the same because they are playing the staff function there so these three functions HR department and HR manager are performing so are we clear or confused think a little but if you were older then I think it would have been clear let's try once again but there are few things to clear some other terminologies also come from HR we say HR executives HR specialist and generalized journalists also say what are the characteristics of them and where do they fit in then I will try again to cover a little size and try to explain something in the simplest form characteristics of HR executives what can be done they perform one or more HR functions but with the name of this the executive is applied it is a top level manager position and they are responsible directly to whom the CEO of the organization this all the activities of HR they are all headed top mainly responsible of responding are answerable to chief executive only HR executive and what is the role of HR of course he or she might be in an executive position somewhere below this HR executive or give various HR related tasks and it is involved in several are all those 5 HR functions lecture number 9 we have 5 areas the main areas the functional area we have described discussed one may be involved depending on again the size of the organization what about the specialist you have heard different term specialist he is the doctor of MBBS he is the specialist of HR this means he is not a doctor he is a doctor but in a specific area he will go to the specialized level he studied that in detail he has working his activities in detail in that particular area similarly in HR we might have certain specialist some compensation training may be his expertise what are the characteristics there may be an HR executive manager or non manager position person typically concerned with only one of the 5 function area as you have said training and development specialist implies compensation specialist staffing hiring for that specialist interview in detail specialized role to play we call that HR specialist so again you have seen the same picture lecture number 9 if we see the organization HR department who is your operating manager what role they are playing they are playing specific services to their role service department they are advising when they are advising do you remember in the beginning staff staff manager what is the advice which you are facilitating the third function of coordination technically HR department is playing all 3 different roles HR department exists to assist what the organization the manager and the employees so this role is much broader now see HR department is there to help the organization in which way so that for the organization human related or the resource of the organization which we call human resource to facilitate for its direction for its controlling for its planning to help the organization not only to help the organization but to help the manager to help the organization by giving advice by obeying his directive or implementing his directors or the employees working for that how they are facilitating their benefits their rights their compensation so technically HR department is there again to assist organization to assist managers and to also help or assist the employees in other words HR is the service department but when we started line versus staff then what is the role specifically what happened till here they are specifically staff staff authority and staff authority if you remember we discussed it earlier is to advice and also implement the directive HR department is taking that function which is giving more services or staff role as staff authority role but again this does not mean they are playing the line function play in this situation they are playing the part of course the broader spectrum they are doing the staff function so the use of line staff and functional authority results and what so they are playing a dual type of role what is your role HR team responsibility what is the responsibility but again remember that today's lecture basically it is not to confuse you because it is again and again we will discuss it later what is the line manager what is the role play in line management what is the role play of the staff what is the role play of the services let's discuss those few things not in that detail but just to give you an idea what are these things so what do you think do you understand anything then let's summarize it again what is it today we started with line and staff aspect of HR now to understand the line we have seen that first of all the relationship is with the authority what is the role play of the staff what is the role play of the staff so how we differentiate line versus staff authority so line authority is the one who has the legitimate power to make the decision to give the directive and subordinate and work with it and similarly staff versus to implement it so I hope you are clear now and HR department staff functioning they are the services department they have the staff authority but within the organization they are also playing the line function the staff function and functional role play play now you should be clear what is line and staff and what is the difference between them or it has to do something with the staff or HR department by virtue of the legal authority they are playing the services role staff role but within the organization they also do functions and act line function part line authority so share up now why this cat face let's see a good thing for you you must be happy let's stop it here but with this lecture you have got notes available read them well if you get chance then you can read the basic book of management the basic chapters dealing with the line and staff so I think many things will be clear still understand as usual so ask us talk mail the representative of virtue of the legal authority but before going tell me where did you see this slide see all these things are being built so unless we keep track of those things it will not be a problem so think from where did you see this slide and discuss this slide it was in lecture number 5 what was in lecture number 5 there when we were discussing group and team that slide was shown there but that was basically how to turn individual into team member do you remember what is this selection what training has to do and what is reward here so when we were discussing team so we discussed that to build a nice team a good effective team you have to select the right people for that particular team just from selection it will not be a problem then you have to train them in a way that they can develop the coordination how to work together in a particular environment this is also correct so reward is different reward is different then you have to attach their performance with some incentive or some reward so that their motivation level should stay always high if we will do this thing right we will get this benefit we will get this reward from here so that was basically in lecture number 5 when we were talking about team so from now on you have prepared yourself for this type of question we will come in between this is not just a lecture because I saw that from the beginning when I come I start a new lecture I try to go back one lecture back and when I finish I try to give you the next lecture I am going to discuss but I thought that what will happen to you let us say self assessment and we will get an idea what is the benefit let us move ahead we have not seen any side yes but do you remember what it was we had shown the block human what was that then there were resources of course next we will be management we have shown these three blocks in one slide we have read your subject about this yes that was human resource management in which chapter we had read which lecture we had discussed no it was initially the first lecture in the first lecture when we defined human resource then this slide you have shown let us define HR and tell what human resource management is what is it basically managing the people human management people management that was a just test for you your self assessment after this you should have an idea how much water you have so this memorization we have come out a little bit now you have certain big books in each semester we will read 5-6 subjects in the next semester it will not be that much now you have to conceive ideas so that you should move forward this was your my test how you have retained but what we have to read what we have to read in the next lecture now you must have seen because now we are more towards your reference or text books we will pick them and move forward I think in mostly 2nd or 3rd chapter is the legal aspect or legal contract of HR in this you must have referenced the legislation but remember it that your text is written by American or British author in this legal context all the references all the rule regulations what we will try here in this you will see equal employment opportunity in the name of EU affirmative actions civil rights and so on I will try to tell you the concept of basic theme what is the legal aspect what is the employment opportunity affirmative actions what is the relationship reference to our human resource management part our subject but not necessarily then we should memorize all those rules given in your text book you must read them which law what is written for what is chapter 4, 5 but for us for you, for this subject that same important thing is basically to conceive the concept what is its role for organization or any reference to human resource who are the stakeholders the direct the effecties of this rule regulation what is the ethics part and how we have to use this for our HR function here many figures events, years will be told you are not supposed to memorize all of them but you should be aware that what were the affirmative actions why this happened the act of discrimination why they are dealing with who they are dealing with why they will be made for the rule regulations in the next lecture I will try to cover these aspects but again remember that this is this basically this is your text book is written or it is American or British book so their rule regulations are quoted here we have to conceive this idea so that in reality in practical we can also face this we can also be in our organization so how to tackle it it should be read it is a very useful thing you will get many ideas about what is happening in the world so let's stop it here work hard see you again thank you Assalam-o-Alaikum


Thank you for joining me as I sit down with Pastor David and Marie Rosales from Calvary Chapel Chino Valley as we discuss marriage Raising children and managing difficulties that arise in the family. We're ready to begin. So let's talk marriage So what would be the the wife's role in Focusing their marriage on the Holy Spirit Well, first of all, I think that we need to die to ourself completely, I mean because in marriage you that's part of What we need to do is to die to one another or not to die to one another but to die to ourselves and the marriage and If you want to live a pure life For the Lord you you you've got to allow the Holy Spirit to direct you and rely on the Holy Spirit that's and I may think that I'm right in one issue with my husband and I could be very adamant about it But where will that get me if we started if I start an argument That that would not edify our our marriage at all at all and I think it's really all about dying to ourselves. I really do and And allowing the spirit to direct us and there are times when we just have to keep our mouths shut And I think a lot of women don't they keep rambling on maybe to their husbands at times and There's times that we just need to be be quiet and and and go to the Lord in prayer Is that difficult at times? You know, I think it can't be it can't be but it's a good thing to go to the Lord in prayer because That's where we should be Doing doing that all the time any anyway John So I would say You know, my wife does Marie when we get in a disagreement and it seems like we try there can be times We one up each other that have to be right mentality Sometimes my wife will turn to me go I'm like, what are you doing? I'm biting my tongue because I don't want to say anything Just start something and so we practice that a lot in it, but it's difficult at times being able to Just bite our lip, you know and to bring glory and honor to the Lord. It could be a challenge But you know, I don't have to do it. I don't mean that that doesn't happen In our family now, but I think when I was younger Because because you're beginning to know their ways and you really don't know them until you get me I'm gonna start getting married and that's and then you become accustomed to things then I know what I'm How on my tone may may sound to him when I was younger didn't realize that you know, I maybe sounded a little bossy and Mmm-hmm Not any longer When I would do when Marie started sounding bossy like she said, you know, and of course That happens in every relationship, but I was more sensitive to that That was one of the my trigger those things would trigger me. I did not like that and I just didn't you know So yeah, so if Marie had a tone at all at first I'd look at her and I'd say are you sure you want to go there?  Because if you speak to me like that, I am gonna respond That's kind of how I was. I said I am gonna respond now if you want to go there. I'm more than willing But if you want to have a conversation Be very careful see so again, I came from an aggressive background I was very direct and now I don't but that's early days You know and I because I was we're trying to figure out how we're going to make this work what Marie did to Our blessing to our blessing is instead of saying who do you think you are which she did think that? She would think that She was she was in her mind. She told me that I did you know what I'm thinking She just wouldn't say anything because she she just who do you think you are but the wisdom of that in our case Was that I began to realize? There are better ways to say what I'm saying Because again, I came from a very aggressive background which was normal. It was normal to speak like that Marie came from a softer background So we learned we learned and so after all these years John I mean it's not that she and I have just one brain, you know We all we think the same and you know, we're different but what we've learned to do is we've learned to take our own personalities and submit them to our relationship and So I I I still can I still can say are you sure you want to go there? But it's not like it used to be and you look at me should go now I you know because it's we're not we're not gonna we're not gonna have a Discussion that's that's leading us to anything that could be Anger, we're not gonna go there, you know, so let's just deal with this. What is it? Okay? Sometimes mama doesn't want to hear it sometimes. I don't feel like hearing him So we learned right and so that but that that again goes under the umbrella of of wanting to you know Seek peace, you know, the Holy Spirit, you know the fruit of the Spirit, you know, I believe Christianity is very practical You're very practical You know, it what is the great commandment in the law Jesus some lawyer asked, right? And I love God with everything and love your neighbor as yourself, you know And some in some religious beliefs loving God with everything is their whole quest, right?  I'd loving people and who is the closest person in my circle of people my wife And so that's why Paul would be talking as part of why Paul would be saying, you know husbands love your wives because The wife is not commanded to love the husband the husband is commanded to love the wife and The wife shows her love by her respect for that man So that man Odyssey that is an incentive to be worthy of her respect Because he wants her love and so for me I made up my mind and I think every man ought to do this To be the man that she respects more than any other man on the planet and that sounds almost aggressively arrogant But no, I don't want her ever to to regard another man as being better than me or greater than me I don't that's my quest and I think I've succeeded, you know because for her They just shows you she doesn't you know have high standards But that's that's how it works John if you want to be lives Hero That's what you ought to be She ought to say there's not a man on this planet that is greater than my man You know there are that's a way you ought to be she ought to look at you and say he's the best dad He's the best husband. He's the best believer Now that's worthy now That's something that matters and that's what produces a legacy for your babies Because one day they'll say this is my dad And my dad loved my mom my dad loved us and my dad Especially loved his god If you have that what else do you need right practical, right? So it's just practical and our children know that yeah Oh, yeah, they the church knows that you know the church sees this Little fun food for thought for the couples who are watching You know there are some times and I want to come back and revisit this this will be just a fun portion of this With my wife and I there's things that I do that Bother her I'll leave the toothpaste cap off the toothpaste and she was like put the toothpaste cap back on or there might be just One little piece of toilet paper on the toilet paper ring and not changed out or there may be a little bit of milk left in the Jug, you know in the refrigerator. What were some of the things those kind of those funny quirks that would? Not upset you guys, but just like Wow, why why do that? You know, are there anything like that as you guys were getting to know each other or learn your marriage That's hard. That's really hard and I'll tell you two reasons why one it requires me to actually Have to retrieve a long Long history right and that you know because when we first got married, you know and first, you know I'll have to think about it, but to and This may not make sense John. It may not I grew up As a young man saying that the only thing I ever really want to talk about with my wife is how good she is And I don't talk about private things that may irritate me. I just don't so that's not something that I'm comfortable even addressing because I don't want people to think any less of her than than she is and and I'm very sincere about that and so I will play with her as you see sometimes from The pulpit I'll tease her as she's sitting in front of me I'll tease her But you're seen as a glimpse of my playfulness with my wife But I I don't want people to know anything about her that that in any way Makes her less than what she is. I I'm very private about that And so if you want to say something about me, that's fine No, it's okay. We can just remember I just think if I can even like to my parents my They would go back and forth not in like a upset way but little quirks that I noticed that would That would bother my dad or bother my mom and then I see some of those things Like for example, my my wife may leave a cup out because she's gonna refill it with water right away I put it away and then she's looking for it. Where's my cup? I put it away Yeah, I'm her helper. I call her. That's true. I will say that to her. I'll she'll say where's my and I'll go I'm helping Yeah So there's things like that that I find are interesting in marriage because it's You know in First Corinthians chapter 7 verse 3 Paul instructs the husband Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her. What does that word? render refer to as And the husband has certain responsibilities and Paul is making it clear in first Corinthians chapter 7 that he's to fulfill certain responsibilities and Rendering is is basically just yielding to or giving to her giving her something. That is Another version speaks of Dubin Evelyn's, you know that he is surrendered to her proper affection and in its context at least through the Commentators that I've been influenced by it's referring to the physical relationship in the marriage and that it Gives us the insight that the woman his wife Has certain needs, you know emotional physical spiritual needs and part of her needs as a woman is a proper sense of beauty and the husband's desire and so he is to give to her what is necessary for her in a sexual fashion as Well as in the spiritual and the emotional there should be in other words a Unity of expression that he sees her as a complete person and sometimes a husband may not be Rendering to her the Dubin Evelyn's the things that are hers Including the the physical elements of marriage, you know the the sexual Pleasures that that that a woman rightly should have with her husband One of the things I would say that really affected the church for a long time was the The thought that physical pleasure in a marriage was actually immoral or or dirty You know, I can remember my mother told me that the first sin this is before she became a Christian This is when I was a little boy.   I didn't I didn't know the value of them in scripture I didn't know the purpose of them in the expression of I didn't know any of that And so I had to find that out through through practically applying the aspects of being a husband With the leading of the Holy Spirit to learn what tenderness is what to learn what cherishing is to learn what? What dying to self is things like that that that's all part of your your your physical relationship Because a lot of men See it is about themselves, you know achieve in a certain goal that they have to the Neglective their wife's needs and so you render into your wife do benevolence Because all context speaks about that that there if there is a time that there to be a part that it should be for Spiritual reasons to give yourself over to to prayer and then come again. He says together lest you be tempted So he's acknowledging the reality of physical need in that passage But the wife is actually being elevated in a place that that during that day People wouldn't even have understood which is Paul saying, you know that that's that woman has needs Just like you have needs and instead of you using her for your own pleasure You ought to render to her that which is due to her that this is an enjoyable experience Not simply the procreation though That's an aspect of it, but the unity and unifying of lovers You know the way Sangha Solomon speaks concerning the pleasures that you sat you're satisfied in at the proper time And so when Paula speaking and concerning that he's making it clear at least in that passage That sexual play sexual intercourse Is is is not immoral. It's only wrong When uh one when it's outside of marriage it is wrong always no matter how pleasurable it may be to those Participating it is wrong because it's not in the covenant of marriage and it's called fornication Or adultery, but it's also something that is is To be representative of true pure love You know with the purpose of enjoying each other Because god created us to fulfill one another and one another's needs And so we somehow made it dirty and yet I i've seen the um studies where It's been demonstrated that married couples Under the surveys at least that I've seen Express greater satisfaction in their physical relationships than the single couples do And there's a variety of obvious reasons for that, but You know you have a wife and therefore your wife is available to you Much of the time whereas if you're single and you're not living together and all of that well, they're going to be different levels of Friendship, but but when you have a good marriage it's going to include, you know The emotional is going to include the spiritual obviously And it will include the physical because it's all part of the package Because that's how god created us and so Again husbands are commanded To render dupe in evidence Meaning this is something not about you.  That's I at the age of 14 Uh, I heard that in in the high school gym the older boys were saying things that that's I I'd never heard some of the things that I can remember them saying But it sticks in your mind and you start thinking well, that's how you treat women When in fact, you know, my dad never spoke to me about that in his life My dad never spoke to me. That was one of those taboo private conversations He never said a thing to me So you kind of pick it up from your friends or whatever means is available And you end up growing up thinking that that physical Relationships are really about you. It's how you feel What you got away with and who you can tell later on That's kind of how it works And then you get married and you treat your wife like she's one of the girls you hooked up with at a bar And she's feeling used and dirty Because you're not respecting her and you're not caring about her And I learned a long time ago That that love making Actually begins in the morning when you wake up And you say good morning, baby. I love you and and it may be consummated later on Um through a physical act, but love making began long before you were involved in any any intimacy It began it began with just hi mama. I love you. That's all right. That's it. It's it's I think that john I think that much of what people characterizes as as His love is lost and it's just it's just using each other I really do And I think you're making a big mistake if you think that That having physical intimacy resulting in In satisfaction to yourself Is actually loving that woman with a false pretense. It's always unsatisfying. Yeah Because you was looking for more one anymore. What about pastor because you're mentioning that For the person that says well, you know, I just don't feel like it Whether it's the husband having that attitude Whether it's rendering the physical the spiritual or the emotional aspect of the relationship I don't feel like treating her nicer. I don't feel like You know when the woman says I don't feel like having intercourse, you know, or whatever, you know Um as a woman, I'm sure Marie could add and she has she is in the past She has made statements that to the ladies that I think is very beneficial for them You know, but you know from a male perspective There are men who as as young men will say They have the capacity to express themselves in certain ways But they choose not to because they just don't feel like it, you know There are men like that, but normally there's something underlying that normally there's something some issue They're dealing with, you know fear of intimacy fear of you name it, you know Those guys probably should have a brother that they visit with and have a little heart to heart and start asking the Lord Why is it that I'm this way that I can't really go into, you know But um, I think that we all do things we don't really want to and it could be even the most mundane things I've shared this before where um You know, you couldn't really have paid me though.  I'd like to be the vomit cleaner, right? I mean you don't do that, right? Um, it has to be either chunky vomit or well, let's not get So with that with that, um But you have babies And those babies get sick And what I wouldn't do for money I did for love You know, I made a choice to go and and and not to say that I was no Marie was a Great attentive mother great attentive grandmother. No, I it wasn't like I had to push her out of the way You know or anything. I've got no But I did but I did clean the babies I would change the diapers when when when needs to be done needs to be done I didn't see this woman's work or man's work. It it's something that needs to be done But if you to ask me, do you ever want to clean up? Diaper or do you ever want to clean up?  No, of course not. Then why did you do it? Why do you do that because you love there are things you do out of love That you could never get paid to do it's a great illustration You know, it's true and and so yeah, and and I think that sometimes if a husband's tired, you know, but the wife is saying Honey, I'd like to be intimate. I feel I need your arms around me or whatever she might say He may not feel like it But if he's able and and she wants him I think I think he he owes her due benevolence I do and the the opposite obviously is true That's great insight because again the rendering Is more it's multifaceted, right? It means the affection the physical the spiritual the emotional And again, it's one of those things where you guys mentioned dying to ourselves in order to render is so important And I meet with couples and I see that A key thing that you know, I'm not going to do that or I'm going to hold out because and it's almost like a One up on each other. Yeah, they punish. Yeah, it's a punishment thing And it's sad because you see that going on and it's that's not what marriage was designed for It was designed for one another under the Covering that's why I was asking about the cluttering the things that can really clutter our marriages And I think of a garage that's cluttered, you know, and you can't get through it So many boxes and so many things. I've been accumulated over years That can clutter our marriages and and And children do Yeah, you know children do and I don't think it's an ugly clutter by any means But children most definitely do and and I had to I had to deal with that, you know, I was taught in in college when I was taking my courses And I think we may have had a current already, you know, but I was taught in in my class.  Really? Come on That's my baby. Why would I be jealous? I thought the same thing, right? And then then she shows more attention to the child.  So there has to be Prioritizing there has to be conversation. There has to be Baby doll, I feel like we need to get away just you and me. I don't want Marie and I did not go out on a date um When Corinne was born until she was probably six months old Probably we were in the house for six months And and doing nothing, you know, I would to school I guess and and and all I and work and and John I went crazy and I really did and I told Marie I said um We got to get out of this house. And so we finally I think Corinne was about six months old You'll remember as I say this Robert your brother babysitter And so we went off to a restaurant maybe 20 minutes or so away from where we uh lived And Robert my brother-in-law You know took care of Corinne. I still remember Marie and me at a restaurant Looking at each other after we finished We I don't even know if we're yet finished with the meal and I said I missed my baby. How about you? She says yeah, I said let's get out of here. So we And rushed to go get our baby, you know, so we had to actually learn To make time for each other and I had to learn To let a mama be a mama Let this woman love her babies because it's only a blessing for them and for us Instead of being jealous and possessive. We've got to take a week and you your mother can watch the babies We never did that We never did that why?   We spend time with each other all the time and And uh, there's there's a there's a song by boss scags Call we're we're all alone, you know, it's one of my songs with marie because I understand this just us kind of thing because Because to me that's that's what I want but We've got to have room for the babies now But when you're young you have to prioritize you have to make room for each other you even if it's even if it's um When the babies go to bed and you you know, you sit there for a half hour an hour And visit, you know or it even when you go to bed and And just before you go to sleep, you just have that pillow talk Where you just say baby, how was your day? How things, you know, you got to do that Every day and that's what marie and marie and I have done For a long time because if you're not mindful of that not only will it Create clutter or create distance. Absolutely.  We'll just put it that way There always is I've I've I've always been aware with that with marie You know and uh that that and I got the lord taught me that I mean I I can say it as the lord taught me that He said to me if you don't show her attention Somebody else will There's always that that jody. We called him and jody in the army You know jody's got your girl and gone You know or the sancho, you know, I think in in the marine corps or sancho, but we had jody and Jody's got your girl, you know, there's always a guy looking at your girl this guy before marie and I got married I had we broke up We broke up, you know, I took my engagement ring back. I took her ring back. I said man, I feel too much pressure Uh, I'm not ready to get married I said I'm not ready so You know, I cried I took the ring back. I said marie I I I'll give it to you When we get married, but I'm not going to have this waiting because I'm not ready. My mind's not ready. She hands me the ring I remember crying in the parking lot there at where she was living and I felt horrible John. I felt so bad But marie smart Because Within a week within a week She's talking to me and she says, you know this guy There's this um, there's this um sandwich shop there by where I work I said oh and she goes. Yeah, I said and she says She says, yeah, I went there to eat lunch with some of the girls and I said really she goes. Yeah And she says there's a guy that I noticed I don't have an engagement ring on anymore and asked me if I'd Um, no longer engaged. I said really and she goes.  I guess he is and so the next day I took her to lunch Same place at the place And I stood there staring at him, right? Yeah, I stood there staring at him like I'm still in the picture Yeah, I'll never forget that. Wow and about what honey about a week later. We were married It wasn't more than a couple weeks What a couple weeks That's good strategy. You know what she was doing She just she just poked me in the right place Oh, wow Oh, that's that's true story. That's a true story. Yeah, that's interesting. Wow That's uh, that's a funny story though.  I just looking at this guy Meet your dead meat What was his response? He wouldn't look at me He wouldn't look at me. I I remember just looking at him But I'm no I'm no I'm no fighter.  Oh, that's that's a true story. Yeah, it is So you guys have given us practical practical things about guarding against cluttering The things that can clutter our marriage and so I'm thankful that you're able to keep us Keep it in a practical sense where we want to continue to allow the Holy Spirit To land in our marriages and so I want to thank you for being transparent and thank you for really Giving us some great insight. And so thank you guys so much. Amen. Yeah. God bless you guys Thanks again for tuning in Let's talk marriage is a ministry of Calvary Chapel Chino Valley If you enjoyed this video, then please like and share it We will see you again next week on another episode of let's talk marriage