Thank you. Good morning. My name is Dr. Natalie. I'm one of the child abuse pediatricians in San Antonio, Texas And today I'm going to be talking to you about recognizing child abuse on my slides up Yes okay So we're going to talk a little bit first about how common child abuse is so these statistics are from 2018 nationally in the United States 1.3 million reports were made to child protective services of those 678,000 children were thought to be victims of child maltreatment The most common form of child maltreatment is neglect Followed by physical abuse sexual abuse and then other types such as being threatened abused by a parent or caregiver Parents drug and alcohol abuse or safer linkishment of a newborn When we look at the kinds of child maltreatment each child suffers most commonly again because neglect is the most common form of child maltreatment That one type of child maltreatment and most of that is neglect others Physical abuse and then sexual abuse neglect and physical abuse is the most common combination When we think about which children are most likely to have to be abused You think it's the data reflects that it's the younger age group So it's the kids who are at home with parents most dependent on adults to do things for them They're the young nonverbal children. So for most of my talk, I'm going to be focusing on how to recognize child abuse in these young children When we look at who is most likely to perpetrate abuse Parents and again because we're talking about these young nonverbal children who are the people who have most access to them They are their parents who the ones most responsible for them. They are their parents So they're the ones who are most likely to be determined as the Reason that this child has been abused or neglected Then we have a non-parent relatives. So those living in the household who aren't related to them Who are related to them like a grandma auntie uncles things like that and then other which are non relatives babysitters foster siblings foster parents things like that Nationally in America about four children die every day as a result of child abuse that adds up to 1,700 children per year and again not surprisingly most of those Fatalities are those young nonverbal children So next I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself and what I do to try to explain why I'm able to give you this information So I'm a child abuse pediatrician a child abuse pediatrician is a subspecialty of general pediatrics So what that means is I went to college So undergrad then I did four years of medical school at the end of medical school Everyone comes out and it's a doctor, but they're not a certain kind of doctor yet Then I did three years of a pediatric residency.  So I decided to focus on child abuse So after my residency I did additional three years of training called fellowship Where every day all day for three years the only children that I evaluated Were those kids where there was a concern for abuse or neglect So during those three years I did complete medical evaluations for any child when there was a concern for abuse That means looking at taking a full history just like they do at the regular doctor's office Doing a full physical exam head to toe looking at all of the skin all of the body parts Just like they do at the regular doctor's office looking at lab work Ordering lab work looking at x-rays and then at the end of all of that looking at all of that information And trying to determine whether the situation or the injury that this child has is due to child abuse or a medical problem Or an accident or something else that we need to find out I work really closely with child protective services and law enforcement And when I write my note, I realize that what I write down is most likely going to be read by other non medical professionals Such as lawyers such as social workers child protective services law enforcement attorneys, right? So I write it in such a way where there's uh, it's people are able to understand it if you're not in the medical field I also go to court and testify as an expert witness in civil and criminal cases And so that's in general what a child abuse pediatrician does So now we're going to move on and we're going to talk a little bit about the different kinds Of abuse so the first thing I'm sorry first thing we're going to talk about is mandated reporting and what that means now every state in the us has mandated reporting The laws regarding it is a little different Every country also has some form of mandated reporting Most countries in the world do i'm not sure. I don't know the rules for those So i'm just going to talk about mandated reporting in general in the united states and a little bit more specifically for texas So the reason the united states has mandated reporting is because of something called the child abuse prevention and treatment act or CAPTA So this was originally passed in 1974 and basically what it says is that all of the states need to come up with some way To gather reports and investigate any concerns for child maltreatment And this was passed first in 1974 and subsequently every time it's come up to say Do we still want to do this the government had said yes, we're going to continue to do this because we know it's in the best interest of children So in general all of the states have language that says something like this Any person who's engaged in the examination care and treatment of persons So notice they don't say just children. They say persons So adults and children Are mandated reporters and some states have actual lists of who are mandated reporters But if you work in some some capacity where you're taking care of and Seeing social work teaching Law enforcement Medical fields all of those you're going to be a mandated reporter in every single state not just here in texas Now in texas every citizen is a mandated reporter and again, that's not the same for everywhere Some states have just specific specific things, but in texas every person is a mandated reporter And it's important to know that even if you live in a state where you're not listed as being a mandated reporter You can still report child abuse So you don't have to be a mandated report or in order to report child abuse The mandated part basically just says if you don't report it then you can actually get in trouble And we'll talk a little bit more about that So when should you report every state has language that says something like this Whenever you suspect a child is being physically abused sexually abused and neglected So the point is Suspect you don't actually have to know that the abuse is happening before you report it Because we are not investigators We only know very little about a family what they want to show us when they come into contact with us We're not in their home. So you don't actually know what's happening So we will most often will not actually have definitive evidence that something is happening We just have a suspicion and a suspicion is absolutely enough to make a report to child protective services When you call them you want to give them as much information as possible because You're calling them and telling them go out and find this person who lives somewhere in my state In my city in my, you know, we're in my county And so you want to give them as much information as possible who the child is who the parents are Who else is living in the home contact information a good address if you have it So all of these things because they're not going to be able to go out and investigate and find out what's going on If they don't know how to find this family And as I said, you only have to have a suspicion So it's okay if you don't know because every state has laws that protect you from from Liability from these parents if they're angry because a report was made to child protective services that if you make a report in good faith then You're not you can't get in trouble because you were trying to protect the child and that's more important But if you if you make a report and you're trying to get someone in trouble Well, that's a little different So the focus for reporting to child protective services is keeping a child safe Not really what's going to happen to the parent and who you're getting in trouble Because again, you don't actually know what's happening in the home because you're not in the home And so you want to be sure that you're thinking about how to protect that child the best way that you can And again, I talked about this mandated people being mandated so that only means that if you don't report it and you're a mandated reporter you can actually get in trouble because The government feels that if you come in such close contact with children and adults who have children That you are obligated if you have a suspicion to report and if you don't then that's not living up to your civic duty And so you can get in trouble here in the state of texas It's a class a misdemeanor, which means a fine and jail time So it just every state is a little different, but there is some version of this in most states in this country Now every state also has laws that says that cps can't tell the family who calls The reason that is is because again, they don't it's not a punitive thing They don't want anybody to get in trouble because they're making a report because they're concerned About the safety of a child and so by law they can't tell a family who calls However, some families can figure it out based on what the allegations are and who they've talked to and who they've interacted with recently If you're a professional or anyone really when you give your name and position and how you know this family and how you come in contact with them It can add credibility to your concern and also it gives the investigator the opportunity to come back and check in with you And make sure they understand what your concerns are and potentially follow up with you once they have discussed with the families Whether you still have concerns based on the information that they have gathered through their investigation You can make the decision whether or not to tell the family and it really depends on your relationship with the family As a physician and a pediatrician if i'm making a report to child predictive services I always tell my families what what's going on and I explain it to them is this Something has happened to your child and i'm worried that someone has hurt them I don't know who did it and it's not my job to figure out who or how That job is what child protective services. That's what their investigation does And the reason you want to tell the person who you're talking with the caregiver You're talking to is so that they're not blindsided and it shows that you're in partnership with them And I just think about what it would be like if i'm sitting in my house and child protective services knocked on my door And I have no idea what i've done or what the concern is or where is this coming from That someone is now asking me what's going on with my child You don't know if the person you're talking to is the person who has caused this Injury or the situation to this child the things they may be telling you may be the truth as they know it And so our job is not to try to hide something from them It's to be full disclosure. Here's what's going on. Here's what i'm worried about My job by law is to keep this child safe and here's what I have to do in order to do that So really the bottom line is our job is to protect children Making a report to child protective services is not a punishment for anyone It is our way to make sure that children are safe and if you keep that in mind I think it would it helps you sort of get over that well someone's going to get in trouble or What if they take that child away? So from my experience working with child protective services in now three different states Removing children is not the first thing that they do. It's actually the very last thing that they choose to do Um if they've exhausted all other options and so it's definitely not a punishment for families You don't know what other services cps can offer lots of services to families And so they can help them in ways that we might not be able to And they're not going to know that they need that help unless they're able to get in and see that family so Make a report to child protective services if you have a suspicion now if you go online You can just google child abuse and neglect report and in your state will come up There's usually a hotline most states also now have an online way to do that And so that's how you find out how you make that report and where you need it to Typically the online reports are used for things that are not urgent So you're not afraid that a child is imminently in danger And so you can do an online report because it just takes time for someone to get to it But then make a report in person by phone If it's something that you're worried about imminently and you can immediate response for child safety And at the end of this we're going to I will take all of your questions So just make sure that you know write your questions in the chat and we can talk about those at the end So next we're going to talk about the different kinds of child abuse and how to recognize those So first just a general definition of what child abuse is and this is the federal definition Every state has their own version of this but it all includes something like this Any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker Which results in death serious physical or emotional harm Sexual abuse or exploitation or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm So notice in this definition It's a harm actually happen or a serious risk of imminent harm So in many cases you don't have to have injury or actual harm being done before It can determine child abuse if you put a child at significant risk of harm For example, allowing a two-year-old to wander the street Even if the two-year-old did not wasn't injured during that incident The risk of harm was so high that that is still considered neglect and will still be substantiated by child protective services So first we're going to talk about physical abuse So physical abuse is any non accidental or inflicted injury. So this includes cutaneous So things on the skin like bruises burns bites lacerations. So cuts those things It also includes broken bones like fractures. It also includes things like head injuries or abdominal injuries So any physical injuries that can happen to a child and when we think of physical abuse from the medical standpoint We don't think about whether someone intended to hurt their child and And I think from the standpoint of someone who's suspicious of physical abuse Our job is not to think of whether someone intended to that's something that cps and law enforcement Investigative services that's their job is to figure out and then they can look at the laws the family code And the criminal code and determine whether Intend and and what needs to happen there our job again is to think about what's best for this child and the safety of this child So if an adult caused an injury to a child that could be concerning for physical abuse And then once the investigation happens Then they can determine whether that's something that reaches the level that they can say yep definitively This is physical abuse or not so When should you have a suspicion of physical abuse? So here are some things that we're going to talk about we're going to talk about where the injury is and That there are parts of the body that kids don't typically get injured during accidental things We're going to talk about patterned injuries and the fact that kids don't typically get injured in a pattern during accidents We're going to talk about the age and development of a child So thinking about what kids can and cannot do and what kinds of injuries that leads to And then we're going to talk about the history. So what do we know about the injury that this child has So first I told you that there are certain locations on the body That lots of kids get injured So those places aren't concerning for physical abuse and then there are places on the bodies where kids don't typically get injured So the way that we know this is by Experience of course of seeing lots and lots of children and seeing where they typically get injured But we've actually done research looking at this. So looking at thousands of children going to their pediatricians office Just for a checkup. So no reason they're not coming in because they have an injury And then we wrote down researchers wrote down where on their bodies they have injuries And the places that we consider to be very concerning are the places where less than two percent of children Just all children all ages coming to the pediatricians office get injured or had injuries And so these are places that we know are less likely to happen during accidental ways So These are the places that kids when we see them we don't we're not concerned for abuse because kids get injured here all The time so when we think about children You think about how they explore their world, right? They're full force going hard when they fall they fall forward The places that i'm taught that I have listed up here are the places where the skin and the bone are really close together And so the way that you get an injury is when you crush your skin against a bony surface And so we have the forehead right lots of kids get goose eggs from falling all the time Their nose that gets hit their chin their elbows forearms their hip bones there their knees and their shins So those are places when kids are running around a plane on a playground having a good time They get bruises there all the time and when I see those it doesn't make me concerned that abuse is happening However These places on this list when I see these I'm really concerned about abuse because these aren't places that typically children will Hurt themselves when they're when they're just having normal routine playing activity So we think about their chest So kids at about 15 months of age start putting their hands out to protect themselves when they're fall So they're less likely to impact their chest when they fall down They're back so kids tend to if they fall backwards they sit on their bottom Again, they put their hands out to protect themselves So they're less likely to impact their back their belly or their abdomen. So again, this is a very protected area They put their hands out. It's also very soft. And so because it's very soft We don't have that bone for the skin to crush against to cause that bruise It takes a lot more force and energy to cause a bruise there and a lot more force than you typically see from Normal routine accidents that happen with kids who are just playing The genitals and the buttocks again very well protected now when we think about those young nonverbal kids who are wearing diapers Their genitals or buttocks even more well protected. And so They're less likely to get injured there because that's just not where they impact I talked about kids when they fall down backwards. They fall on their buttocks a lot Again, those young nonverbal kids. They have clothing on they have diapers on not going to get injured The buttocks is a soft cushy place. Again, it takes a lot of force to cause that We see lots and lots of kids who fall down all the time on their butt on the playgrounds jumping from swings landing on their butt No bruises at all. So it takes a lot of force to cause an injury there Now i'm just going to step out a little bit from this very concerning location to talk about buttock bruising So in the united states corporal punishment is legal And that is you know hitting a child as a form of discipline However, in most states if you leave an injury that's considered physical abuse The reason is we know that the amount of force it causes to take to cause a bruise Is excessive physical discipline and is outside the realm of what can be considered normal corporal punishment Now as a pediatrician, I have to say that pediatricians have recommended no corporal punishment at all The reason that we do that is because we know that corporal punishment does not actually change behaviors And it actually causes more harm than good. So we have done over 700 studies looking at corporal punishment Trying to find whether or not this is this can be helpful for children Not one study has found a positive impact on children as a result of corporal punishment Every single study has found negative effects. What it does is it causes fear in children It damages the parent-child relationship And so parents children are afraid to tell their parents things even things that they should tell their parents Because they're worried that they're going to get hit and hurt It causes aggression in children because of modeling. So children who See that the way that you solve a problem if someone does something inappropriate that you hit them That's how they will Engage with their world also because children learn by watching us and seeing what we do and so It also causes anxiety. It also causes depression when we look at adults Correlation with corporal punishment with substance and alcohol abuse And so corporal punishment in general is not recommended by a pediatrician And even though it is legal here in the united states Again, if it is something that is used and leaves an injury Then that is concerning for physical abuse because that's excessive corporal punishment So the next part of the body that we're concerned if you see a bruise It's concerning is the ears because again the ears are well protected when you fall on your side You hit the top of your head.  They're not strong enough to do that themselves now Do weird accidents happen? Absolutely But again as the person who's starting at the very beginning of the process who doesn't know everything about that family Our job is not to say well, this must be a weird accident because this is a very nice family I don't want to get them in trouble. Our job is to think well, this is a concerning place for a kiddo to have an injury I have to keep make sure this kid is safe. I need to make a report to child protective services Other places the angle of the jaw so right along the side your cheeks are soft and cushy There's not a lot of bone right there in the middle of your cheeks So it takes a lot more force to cause an injury there They're also a well protected area your eyelids and subconjunctival hemorrhages So your eyes in general i'm talking about bleeding on the white parts of your eyes That's what subconjunctival hemorrhages mean and so your eyes are well protected because it's sunk in Into your face and so when you fall down you don't typically directly impact your eyes And so when you have injuries to your eyes You make a concern that you have some sort of direct blow and we need to figure out how that direct blow happened Now i've mentioned a couple times weird accidents can happen and that is absolutely true But we don't start with this was a weird accident. We always start with well, this is concerning Let's get some more information through a good investigation and maybe at the end we'll make a determination that this is a weird accident So now patterned injuries so most every patterned injury is suggestive of impact with an object Most accidents when you impact an object the reason that it's not usually pattern Is because of the chaos theory when you when you're having an accident lots of things are moving and going at the same time So you don't typically impact something just so to get a pattern And so when we see a pattern it makes us worried that they had very good contact Um with a lot of force with an object my job Even when I see a pattern as a child abuse pediatrician who makes assessments about abuse and neglect I don't ever try to figure out or give cps It was definitely this thing that caused the injury unless a child tells me That something caused the injury on them and it looks like that thing caused the injury on them that i'm gonna say okay Yeah, this caused this injury But I look at the pattern and I I can give them information about it So if it's uh injury that wraps around the child's body I think okay, it must be a flexible object because I had to wrap around Or if I see a texture on it. I think oh that's sort that's a textured thing We should look for a textured thing that sort of looks like the bottom of my shoe or a shoe that I've seen before So things like that so I can talk about it, but I never give I definitively this caused this injury unless someone tells me that this is what caused that injury and I say Oh, yeah, that looks like that now Do I have cases where someone said this caused that injury and then I look at the injury and I'm like I don't see that this caused that injury Definitely I can see that does it mean that either thing is untrue that this child was impacted with an object and that this object caused An in that this object was used No, it just means the pattern doesn't match the thing that they're telling me and I'm able to say that because again I'm not trying to find abuse. I'm trying to make sense of what I'm seeing in this child The next thing is the age and development So again researchers have looked at lots and lots of kids and what we find is the younger a child is The less likely they are to have an injury and that totally makes sense because kids when they're really young and they're not moving around They're not interacting with the world unless the world interacts with them And so routine care and handling of an infant should never result in an injury Right. There's nothing about an infant's skin that makes them more susceptible to bruising than an adult or an older child And so nothing about routine care and handling should result in an injury So if you have a young child who is not mobile when I say not mobile I think about not yet crawling and they have an injury any injury no matter how small it is no matter what it looks like That is concerning for physical abuse because they should have zero injuries because they're not interacting with the world Now when they start to be mobile so crawling pulling to a stand cruising Then you start thinking about again how the kids fall down and those very concerning locations that when it comes That's when it comes into play about where you want to be concerned about where an injury is And then we talk about the history. So of course if a child tells you that they're being hit And it left a physical injury. That's physical abuse If a child is disclosing that they've been hit you should make a report to child protective services A physical injury that results during a domestic violence episode is physical abuse here in the state of texas And in many states they look at it like that. And so that is something that needs to be reported to child protective services And of course we know that there are lots of reasons that kids don't tell about what's going on with them at home And we're going to talk a little bit more about what those reasons are and so it's okay if you ask the child What happened and they tell you something or they don't tell you that doesn't necessarily mean that it's abuse It just means that they're not ready to tell you or that they're afraid to tell you something If it's in a concerning location if it's an immobile child if it's a patterned injury Those are reasons that you should make a report to child protective services so that we can get more information And try to figure out what's going on and make sure that that child is actually safe So Getting the history it's okay to ask a kid about it If you can don't ask what the parents present in case they're the person who the people who caused the injury You don't want to ask leading questions. So what I mean by leading questions is don't say well your mom hit you, right? Right, you don't want to ask them what happened just ask things like What happened? How'd you get that boo boo buddy? What's going on? So very open-ended questions give the child the opportunity to let you know what's going on And if they tell you something and it doesn't seem to make sense with you, that's fine You don't need to interrogate that child and say like you're lying You're not telling you the truth If you continue to have a suspicion after you've asked the question Make the report to child protective services so they can investigate and figure out more what's going on So be concerned if the child discloses physical abuse if they have injuries on the On those locations that we talked about the chest the ears the neck the back the the genitals the buttocks in the mouth Any infant with a bruise is concerning for abuse if they have a patterned injury that's concerning And of course if they tell you that something bad is happening to them So we talked about neglect being the most common form of child maltreatment And it's really hard to define and so there's actually no definition So you want to think about neglect as something that parents didn't do versus child abuse is something that they did do So the way I think about it. It's something that's minimally necessary for the safety growth and development of a child Now there are different kinds of neglect right we can think about it in different ways So active neglect is intentionally not doing something so they're not taking full responsibility Versus passive neglect. So that's unintentional failure And so that can be because of lots of different reasons again, whether it's active or passive our job is not to determine that Our job is to make sure that the kids are safe and child protective services will do a further investigation and make Make adjudications based on that Lots of different forms of neglect such as lack of supervision Inadequate food clothing or shelter educational neglect Medical neglect and then other forms of neglect that the state may have to Now I want to take a moment to talk about domestic violence quickly domestic violence is a form of neglect the reason That we know that is because that we think that way is because children who live in homes with domestic violence Are physically abused and neglected at a rate 15 times higher than the national average For a young child witnessing assault against their mothers is associated with more symptoms than any other type of trauma including assault sustained by themselves 12 of children present during a violent episode or injury And so exposure to domestic violence is very concerning for neglect And what child protective services looks at is the different kinds of exposures the way they've been exposed And so our job again is not to make determinations about this If we're concerned that domestic violence is going on and there are children in the home Then that's that's a home that should be reported to child protective services So they can investigate and make sure that those kids are safe So lastly, I want to talk to you about sexual abuse and your next session is going to be about sexual abuse So i'm going to go a little bit fast on this one So this is the uh federal definition of sexual abuse and again Every state has their version of this It's the employment use persuasion inducement enticement or coercion of any child to engage in Or assist any other person to engage in any sexually explicit conduct A simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction Uh, the rape and in cases of caretaker interfirmative relationship statutory rape molestation prostitution or other forms of sexual expectation of children or incest with children So lifetime prevalence of unwanted sexual experience for girls is about 25 percent for boys.  They're situational So if a situation arises that they can do something then they do it. So it doesn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl Children will tell you what's going on immediately. That's not true and we're going to talk about why not Children tell fantasies So we know that children don't typically make up fantasies about sexual abuse And that's done based on years of research looking at how kids fantasize and when kids fantasize They fantasize about things that are good for them that make them the hero and sexual abuse does not make children the hero So they don't fantasize about sexual abuse Also, children can't fantasize about something that they haven't had experience with And so they've either been exposed to something inappropriate or something inappropriate has happened to them as a result for them to give you a disclosure of sexual abuse And then any child victim with penetration will have an abnormal exam and that's not true. We're going to talk about that too So every child has sexual behaviors. It's along the spectrum of normal behaviors There are some sexual behaviors that are normal and some that are abnormal So this researcher looked at sexual behaviors and described them in normal children And this is a graph that he made looking at boys and girls and the amount the frequency of sexual behaviors they have and what he found was both boys and girls have the same frequency same amount of sexual behaviors And that at about between somewhere three to five There's this big peak and then it starts to go down and he stopped looking at 12 But we know in adolescence those sexual behaviors increases because of going through puberty So the key to get from this is that both boys and girls have sexual behaviors And that it is very common and we have a big peak in that three to five year range Now normal sexual behaviors and kids can be influenced by their surroundings So how old they are who do they live with what happens? How do they talk about sexuality in their homes?  All of this will influence what's a normal sexual behavior for a child The most frequent normal sexual behaviors are self-simulation Exhibition Exhibitionism and behaviors related to personal boundaries So those are the kids who get too close they're close talkers or they touch people in You know touch breasts or buttocks when they when it seems inappropriate Again, they just have problems with boundaries and those can be very normal Especially in those young kids because they haven't learned what those are yet Self-simulation so masturbation very common behavior not abnormal does not mean sexual abuse It means it feels good and the kids are self-stimulating We tend to see it a lot when kids are falling asleep when they're tired when they're stressed out The best way to handle it is to ask them To go if they need to do that they can go to a private space do that wash their hands when they're finished Or you can ask them to stop usually most kids are can be distracted from normal sexual behaviors because they're transient They respond to redirection and if it's between children, it's not cohesive. It's very cooperative. They each want to do it I'll show you yours, you know Not coercive or aggressive So there's not any single sexual behavior that indicates sexual abuse We have to look at all of things in context Abnormal sexually risk can also be just a part of other behavioral problems So it makes you concerned if it's a represents a sudden change in behavior if it's persistent if it's aggressive And if it's imitative of adult sexual behaviors So the way we find out about sexual abuse in my field most of the time is that the child tells however It takes about two years for a child to tell Someone witnesses the abuse is very rare the perpetrator confesses again very rare and then the kids actually have symptoms or injuries Those again are very very rare So a kid telling is the most important thing So of course if a kid tells you or if they're having abnormal sexual behaviors, you should suspect sexual abuse Now when someone tells you about sexual abuse You may feel completely overwhelmed and so Couple things I want to tell you about most cases the physical exam findings is completely normal Reason is that most abuse may not involve something that causes an injury Also that part of the body is made to stretch and accommodate so it might not get injured It also heals really quickly. So even if it gets injured It healed before I can see them because again kids take on average two years to tell what's going on So it looks completely normal And so the reason that I do a medical evaluation is not so much so that I can find evidence that this happened Is because I can find out what's really going on with that child My job is to be a trusted and neutral party I look for injuries. I look for sexually transmitted infections. I look for pregnancy I make referrals to other medical professionals Psychological referrals and I reassure them that even though this bad thing happened to them Their body is healthy and normal and nobody would know something happens to them without By looking at them because I can't tell by looking and I and I'm looking to see if something happened to you So reassuring the child and their family that their bodies are healthy and normal So the absence of physical findings does not rule out the possibilities of sexual abuse So what do you do if a child discloses to you believe them listen to them Tell them they did the right thing by telling you do not interview them Don't ask all the questions You're so you want to find out because we all want to find out so that we can do the best and help You can't don't do that. That's what style protective services and law enforcement is for Document what they're saying document the context of their disclosure Did you ask them a question or did they just come up and tell you report it to child protective services to law enforcement? Reasons kids don't tell is because when they're really young they might not know what's happening to them is bad They might have been threatened. They might have been said told. This is a secret They feel trapped and helpless. They don't they fear that people aren't going to believe them They feel responsible children at that at a young age Everything is their fault and so they feel like it's their fault. They want to protect their family Even the offending person they want to protect because they love them because they're their family So sexual behaviors do not necessarily mean child abuse, but they can so you have to look at the context of it Disclosure is the most important part of a sexual abuse evaluations And if a child discloses to you control your emotions and make the necessary reports The last thing I want to leave you with and this is something you're going to talk about a lot in your next session Is how to protect children from sexual abuse? One thing we can do as a general is use appropriate language So use the right names for all the body parts to make sure that kids know how to talk to you about their bodies Don't tell them. They're not allowed to say those words. Don't make it bathroom words Give them the opportunity to talk to you about anything they want to talk to you about about their own bodies In this time and space they feel comfortable telling you about it Don't force affection. So hugs and kisses especially here in south texas. That's just part of our culture However, when you force them one to hug someone that makes them uncomfortable or kiss them one that makes them uncomfortable You take away their autonomy and you let children know that it's okay sometimes to let people do uncomfortable things to their bodies So suggest instead that they can give high fives or handshakes or waves from afar Give them that autonomy for their body so that they don't feel like they have to do something uncomfortable It doesn't give them the idea that adults can do things that they don't want them to do explain what safe and unsafe touches are And make sure you control their media exposure children today have lots of things they can see in here And if they're exposed to sexually explicit material, they will play in a sexually explicit way And so we want to make sure we don't do that All right, that's the end. I know I went a little bit over. I'm sorry Um, let me see what questions there are Um a question my sister was told that she will get a visit from cps Because my niece is not eating well. She's 16. My sister is all scared Why the doctor is telling her that she has pancreatitis and she eats just That sometimes she won't want to so again, um It I don't know the aspects of the case and so it just depends on If child protective services visits and they talk to the physician and they find a medical reason for the reason that you're That your niece is not eating then that's they just find the medical reason if there's something else going on Then they they would find they would do they have interventions that they can take so again I know your sister is worried, but they will do a full investigation and it won't be just come in and say Oh, she's not eating and there you go at the end of it. It will be a full investigation Well, they'll talk to the physicians. They'll ask you what's going on with the medical health. So it won't be It won't be like that Should pictures be taken of physical injuries noticed on a child? so From a medical standpoint, we definitely take photographs child protective services take photographs law law in person take photographs If you're able to take photographs, you can definitely do so. I want to caution you photographs that are on sensitive areas of the body That it might not be the best thing for you to do if you're making a report for child protective services because you're worried about an injury They are going to be taking photographs. So that would be something As long as they're responding to it in a timely manner and the injuries are going to be gone There but if you're worried the injuries are going to be gone, then you can certainly take photographs What if a caseworker quickly says well children that age don't really know anything When the kids do talk very well and understand things So again, you need to when you express your concern. That is all you can do is to express your concern make a report Unfortunately, we can't control what cps does with the information And so if they choose To not investigate or they choose to not do a good investigation because these are human beings doing Investigations and I like to think all of them do a really great job But as we all know, there are some people who don't we can't control that So if you continue to have a concern I would make another report and another report and continues giving your Reporting your concerns Because that's the only way we have to keep that child safe and we can't control what cps does So don't let what you think the response is going to be affect whether or not you make a report There's there's a question up at the top. What happens? Yes, I see it What happens if cps tells the family who called is there a consequence for them? So Cps legally cannot tell the family who called now a family may come back and say cps told me you called That may be them trying to find out who called so it's not necessarily that cps told them It's that the family is trying to fish and find out who called. That's what I've found most often Is that they don't know They didn't they did the cps didn't tell them they're just trying to figure out so they come and they say I know you called cps and that's like And sometimes it is you and because you know that you called you feel like okay Yes, cps told them but a lot of times it's the parents and sometimes again They can figure it out because of the circumstances of it Again, that should not prevent you from calling If you think cps caseworker did Tell the family who called you should call their supervisor if the supervisor isn't responsive call the person above them And keep calling the person above them until you get the response But I will caution you that some families say that but they don't actually know it They say that as a way to try to find out And see if they can find out who made the phone call because they're at at some points They're trying to you know find someone to blame for what's happening in their lives Next question how Would someone figure out emotional or mental abuse from a parent? I understand physical abuse, but that the child is still with the parent while asking questions How is that figured out as far as mental and emotional abuse? Right? So mental and emotional abuse are much harder Determinations to make so the way that that is determined is if this child is having Psychological effects. So are they having behavioral problems as a result? Are they having depression? Are they having anxiety? And so again at the very beginning It's very difficult for Like me. I'm not a psychologist to a psychiatrist to figure that out And so I would say that if the child is telling me things that it's concerning for the way that a parent is talking with them And they they they tell me that they feel like their parents don't love them Or they feel worthless or things like that I would report to cps and say i'm concerned about emotional abuse and then as part of their investigation Cps is going to cps talks to the child alone to the parent alone They talk to other people in the child's sphere to see how the behaviors are They might get a psychological evaluation for the child. So those are ways that they determine that So if you are concerned about it, absolutely make a report with the reasons that you're concerned about it Um knowing that it's definitely harder to show But if you're concerned about emotional abuse chances are there's lots of other things going on in the home and cps investigation is probably Would be helpful to that family How does cps justify using testimony of a three-year-old against an adult even open-ended may want to tell you what you want to hear and keep changing stories So I'm guessing that means in relation to sexual abuse.  So if a three-year-old is making a disclosure that is concerning for sexual abuse That warrants further investigation now depending on the development of a three-year-old We the the investigative process There's something called a forensic interview The forensic interview is conducted by someone who's specifically trained to talk with children in a non-leading manner using open-ended questions To discuss everything that's to discuss everything that's going on So Again, because we know children don't lie about sexual abuse We know that if a three-year-old is using language and saying things that are inappropriate Um sexually inappropriate the likelihood is they've been exposed to something inappropriate And that could be pornographic material or it could be that they've experienced something and that's where the investigation comes in Further and trying to decide so it's not It's I don't want you to think about it as a the three-year-old is against an adult Because the three-year-old is a person Who can give you information? It's just how you get that information and we definitely try to be We use the forensic interview as a way to try to tease that out So if a child in a child care is engaging in self stimulation We are to allow it and it's okay between one and another child I'm certain child care license will not see it that way It is a normal behavior And you don't want to you can ask them to stop you can talk so children can understand What behaviors they can do in certain spaces at a very young age? So children know the different ways the rules they're at home the rules There are child at daycare and so you can tell them that we don't do that Here that is something you can do at home in privacy in your in your bedroom It's not something it's not appropriate to do that here. So in addition to teaching them And you want to make sure when you tell them you're not telling them because it's a wrong thing to do It's just inappropriate to do in the space that they're in So you don't want to make them feel bad So someone answered your question and said they've had a three-year-old who did it every day at nap time And our rep said that we were doing the right thing by just asking her to stop It's normal and you're not supposed to shame them on it not between two children That's not what she said so You need to make sure exactly you don't want to shame them You want to make sure that you're letting them know because again, it's their body They're allowed to touch their body in any way that they want to Um, you just talk about what's appropriate and what's not appropriate for the space that they're in And that's the same thing I tell parents like you don't masturbate in the living room You can go to your bedroom when you're done wash your hands and come back and join the family So you talk to them about that that and when I talk about Normal sexual behaviors normal exploratory behaviors between children of the same age That again can certainly happen and can be normal. It doesn't mean one of them has been sexually abused But if you see that happening again in the space that it's happening You redirect the children and if it's a normal behavior, they will be redirectable Just tell them to stop. So i'm not saying let it all happen in inappropriate spaces It's recognizing whether something is normal or abnormal and raises your suspicion for concerns of sexual abuse We have just a couple more minutes before the next session starts, okay Should I ask a few questions to complete the report to cps? It depends on the situation and the questions that you're asking If how what you need so for the report to cps You just have to report what your concerns are and then they ask you like other Ancillary questions. So if a child is saying i'm being hit With by my mom that is enough information for you to make a report to cps You don't need to find out when how why that sort of thing um The sexual abuse the things the most important thing there is to find out when the next time they have Contact with the potential perpetrator because you don't want to send a kid home in a terrible situation So it really depends on the situation whether or not you ask a few more questions And again the way that you ask it it needs to be very open-ended and depending on the age of the child That's how you ask those different questions. So it's difficult to answer that one sort of like that Some children will not trust a new person when then they clam up Yep, absolutely and we know that we definitely know that and we take that into account So some cases so, you know Some kids tell me things that they don't say during their forensic interview or they go to their forensic interview And they say things and they come and see me and they don't tell me anything And that is totally fine. We understand that and we understand the um The uh development of children and what they will and will not do And so when you know, this process is not something that happens in isolation So when a child when a report is made to child protective services The cps is involved medical personnel could be involved law enforcement can be involved The children's advocacy center where we do forensic interviews can be involved their counseling can be involved Attorneys can the da's office can be involved. So we all meet regularly to discuss cases that we Are uh stuck or have concerns about and so it's not just one case worker making a decision You have the potential for all of these community partners who work in child maltreatment to look at all these cases and Give and add all of their expertise because we're all trying to do the same thing We're all trying to protect kids in our community. And so there's lots of things that happen once that investigation starts It's not just a One Process, it's a very complicated process. And so we recognize all the different aspects of kids and try to do that Okay, given I think we're gonna have to end um, okay Because the next session is about to start but you can answer in the comment if you want you can type out a comment Yeah All right, thank you all so much for attending and we're gonna end this session and Give you a minute to get over to the next session


Welcome back. So a thing that has never happened on the nest is that I have two dads present dads and dads who are doing what they are supposed to do and one of them told me Hey, why are they acting like when we do what we're supposed to do? We need to be awarded You need to be thanked though Because you're setting a very good example, especially in our community and our you know, this is our particular generation and Again Thank you. Thank you. It's a conversation that I was having. Yes, and I was being asked whether we have a father with crisis And I was staying away from mentioning that we have a father with crisis and my reason was yes I think it's not that we are we have so many absent father is just that we are not celebrating Present fathers enough and today is our turn. Wow I cannot wait to hear more about that. Yes, and it's not your first time on our show today But for those who have not seen you before, could you please introduce yourself and tell us a bit of what you do? Yeah, thank you Maureen. My name is Jeff Dindy.  We have Men's and fatherhood website where we write articles from experts Advising and telling men, you know, this is this is how to be present father So I'm the founder and we've been doing amazing job with Hillary as well I think he mentioned where we just have conversations that that that men have been fearing to have Yes, you know and discussing those topics I'm also I'm also a man's coach that is and I'm currently creating a fatherhood course Which will be available soon Well done. Hey, you didn't tell me all that last time Not really finalized on the details of the especially the fatherhood course. Yes, so it is up and it's coming Brilliant and we're going to be here at your disposal and I even personally because I feel you are right Indeed, there's a fatherhood crisis Yes, or as you say present fathers are not being celebrated enough But I feel like who's going to celebrate them, you know today today Exactly and I feel like the same way women have conversations and you know women There's a lot of things we are doing we have women in business We have to amaze we have even Mother's Day is more vibrant around the world And I mean both girls and boys celebrate their mothers, but think about it every father's day is a quiet down day Think about it. And here I am in your presence You too wonderful dads talking about a program of fatherhood I think that is something that Really needs a reward we'll find one you're right you're right because actually that is what inspired me to start To start a fatherhood because yes when I wanted I when I was beginning my my YouTube channel Yes, and I was thinking what topic should I bring? You know, I was researching You don't see that the likes of you. Yes, there are so many women On YouTube, but men were very few they don't show up the second thing the men that were there They were all comedians and it seemed like comedy was really silly Yes, so I was like what area do I really want to venture? Yes, what mark do I really want to leave? Yes And that's what encouraged me to actually start the YouTube channel around father. Yes, actually when I was telling people present I like what what is that? Yeah, we literally walk. Yeah, but They said let's see where it gets. Yes, then I started and then they saw me continue Right, and they're like this guy is actually serious about this thing right now.  We're going to amplify that Amazing. Thank you. Thank you and carry who's Anna once again for joining us on the list It's a very special day for us by the way. We've never had You know, we've had one dad. I met I met Hillary and we've been friends ever since Yes, and it was because of our passion that we shared around father and when I Met me on Facebook and we talked and we have actually found that we had mutual friends And when we met and talked and I shared my vision around father. He was like, I'm so totally sold out You must work together and see that every person hears about this. Yes Yes, it's it's even funny the first time we met just remember when It was called brother. Yes, building by that building by that. Yes a client of our kids in Around 2010 you're still not even a father. So we met through it was it was I was supposed to be guiding him on Something in terms of I'm passionate about fitness fitness. So supposed to be guiding him on that. Yes. So years years years later Is when I saw what he was doing with present father and I had been so passionate about father So I had moved to the u.s. For a while. Yes. So I saw what he was doing. I was like, hey, dude, you're doing something good I think I'll be coming back and maybe we'll be doing a few things Because they discovered for the time I was away. Yes, my family was still here. Oh, yes and It created kind of a void between now, let's say, especially me and my son just not being around, you know and Um When I was around because most of the time I used to work at the intercom. I used to be the manager at the gym So I used to have a lot of free time. So we used to spend a lot of time together I would go out swimming and just spend a lot of time around with him. Yes So when I left it really affected him So at first when we used to have conversations we'd call and you know, but after a while It's never the same again. So after some time I would call and Every time I would ask him, how was your day? He'll just go he'll just give me straight answers and he will not tell me how his day was And then slowly just he just became a quiet kid For this I was away for six months Then I just decided I can't I want to stay here, but no this won't work for me I know I'm making money more money here. There are more opportunities here But for me now I think fatherhood is about being there for this kid because you know, there's that time there's that period for kids, you know That emotional balance most of the time is between you see between the age of two and six If you're not present between between the especially for a boy that emotional side will never will never grow And they become Kind of detached and you will never get it back So I I used to read a lot of I used to get information from books and all that.  But you don't know what you're going to do. Yes.  I'll like now for me Fatherhood is bigger than those opportunities I'll find my way. And I did I came back.   Yes that he He wanted you to do that And you've decided you want to do that, right? And he must provide look at that. So I came back He started with Jeff. Yes, and I could see the passion in him and I told him do it. Let's just do something bigger That's how now the present fatherhood and everything was born. Right. We want to go far. Yes, but we'll We'll sit down. We'll find people who support us just like you said women start something And they're always supported men start something. It's so hard for even other people Especially when it comes to emotional issues They scatter Because men don't want to talk about things that become emotive because they feel that he is Will emasculate them kind of because they feel yes, like this you said it's it's kind of a weakness Like if I cook for my kids, you know That's a woman's But you see that comes mostly from Upbringing again because if you don't build that emotional awareness around your kids There's something that you don't build in them. So at the end of the day, they are not Emotionally strong. So they're so scared of what other people will say. They see me changing diapers if they see me Walking my kids maybe to maybe to the clinic. I used to take my kids to clinic Sometimes because my mom my wife was working. Yes. So after her maternity leave was so long So now during those days because I used to have a lot of free time I'll just take the kid to clinic. Look at that. I remember some even some of my colleagues go like, dude That's a cheek thing. Why are you doing that?  There's something in he doesn't even know sound event and you just go like Good for me. It's my kids. So, you know, and that's something that as fathers We're going to build By being there in our kids life once that is built up our kids will become present fathers because of who want this So absolutely kids learn from what they see Especially the experiences that they go through. Yes For us our dad used to cook for us Because most of the time our mom used to travel to shag So most of the time it was the one who was around and used to so for me It wasn't so hard Yeah, wow, that's brilliant, right? Um, yeah, because I see a lot of privilege in your case But also a choice and that's something I know Jeff did Because I've heard his story he's upbringing was so different No father You're thrown into fatherhood. You don't know where to start but you decided, you know what? I'm today going to be a father and I'm going to be a good one and a present one in that case So Jeff, could you walk us through your definition of fatherhood crisis, especially in Kenya? My oh, yeah I think my definition of fatherhood crisis is Is not that is is not that People don't know really how to father Because I think fatherhood is very much pretty much instinctive.  So this this this entails friends that you surround yourself with which is very critical in forming the kind of father that you become You know, you know already what you're supposed to do. You know that there is nothing wrong with cleaning There's nothing wrong with helping my wife to To change diapers But because the friends that you have and the conversations that they have is all about Those are the things that now start silencing that voice and you start listening to it Now you come home and your wife tells you can you can honey? Can you help me change the diapers and That voice keeps on ringing because what you surround yourself with is what you become and then that is what now Leads to fatherhood crisis Not that people don't know what they're supposed to do But because of what they surround themselves with The content that they consume and then now it leads to people who just neglect father And then we hand up with our fatherhood crisis and now we need to start talking about it And get is something that's not supposed to be there in the first place So that is my definition around fatherhood crisis What about you hillary? What do you think is happening to especially this generation? And i'm talking of generation the generation of men below 14 years of age because i've experienced it and There's a real crisis. I'm telling you. I do not know whether it's the upgrade. You see, this is what I was saying It's not an excuse. You were brought up the way you were brought up, but you had a choice Zero guidance By he knew at a very young age. I remember he told me at age 12. I knew the kind of father I want to be What's going on? Um for me, I'd also say just like what Jeff has said it's what we consume, you know Social media has become a very big thing out there and um there are those things that people tend to I I don't know. I'm trying to find a word or no, there are those things that people think are cool And they've found a way of being pushed through social media and people go like yeah No, and that has led to a lot of people just doing whatever they see on social You know what is happening on social media and reality is totally different Especially not, you know, you know, we're in a third world country Abroad might that's what they show us. Yes And you'd leave the broad and you know and actually parenting especially for the good It's very normal to see a dad with a baby strapped on him Very proudly and the wife has gone to work and again I know it's the same situation with him you've been having rule exchange with your wife But then you're right. There's this aspect. Okay. I I don't know whether I'm still in the line But I'd like to call them like Social media dads. Yes, he will make sure the child is in a certain outfit just for the picture It's like a puppy. Yep Children are like puppies. They look good on camera But then in reality this person is not fathering this child They do nothing. Yeah So we're doing a lot to just try to find that validation But in reality, we're not doing what you're supposed to be doing and there's so many fathers out there And we're not supposed to be doing that We're supposed to be real because you know at the end of the day if you're not real out there We're still damaging these kids. You're still damaging regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl Um Society is broken. I started by saying that society is broken right now. It's both men and women But I'll tell you the biggest role is for the father to step up once the father steps up One thing I always realize in my house. It used to happen even in our house Um, I would see my daughter. My daughter is very cheeky. She do she does stuff and The mom would shout all the time What are you doing? But when I'm present the moment Taraji does something cheeky. I just give her a look That's it. That's the end of it. I don't even need to talk So that's that's where now the masculinity part comes in and it really helps our women Because anytime I'm around. Yes, she knows she's not going to shout your authority without a crown on your head Or a high seat. Yeah, but as a man as a man this authority this authority and kids know these things Because it's it's instinct. It's instinctive. Yes. It's macho. Yes. Once you just say you don't even need to shout The moment you just give them that look That's it. Yeah Just to add something father would is responsibility and Responsibility People have skewed definition of responsibility when it comes to father because They think that once I house these people once You know, I provide they have food and and and we have a nice car Then now I'm a man. Yes, and and and I'm now I'm now responsible You know, but true responsibility is something that is innate. It's something that you first of all have to own Okay And and and responsibility is in Is in the values that you have right that you want to dictate your family to have You know, uh, how you carry yourself around the house.  Yes Very important. You get how you love and not just love how you love her. Yeah, truthfully. Yes You know without you know, sometimes I've seen these things around my my cycle And uh people who are able financially and they're providing very well And they they are driving nice cars and they have this woman that Quote and quote they love but outside that they are very promising. I agree And they're like once I do the things that a man is supposed to do then nobody's supposed to ask me anything Including that woman. That is not responsibility. Yes, and I think on the same note You can uh sat because uh again fatherhood doesn't mean the perfect family setup. Yes Regardless of who they are. I think Besides love there should be respect. Yes Even if you're not with the mother of your children Because you need to show your children the kind of a man who are boy girl They need to see So it takes it takes a mature mind. Yes, which now still It treats but back to responsibility. Yes to be able to even respect your woman. Yes, whether you are with them Because again, it's not about you. Yeah But funny enough sometimes men feel that it is always about this You know It if it's not about you then it should be about the kids, you know and And there's another thing that I've seen and I've had go around and people mention a lot that you can be A good father, but a bad husband, which is wrong. Whoa, it's wrong. Okay. First of all, you need to be a good husband Okay, for you to be a good father Finally someone you know It's true. You need to be a good husband. Yes, because what is fatherhood? Part of being fatherhood is being a husband. It's true. It's from a it's from being a husband But we have a father Okay, so if you're not treating this woman right because how is this kid supposed to learn how to be a father and how to be a mom? Is how you treat that woman? How and by treating I mean how you love how you you help her out of the house That that is when the kid will be able to learn I I agree and and I could pick a lot of examples also from Hillary's story where he says Ah, my dad used to cook for us whenever my mom would go to shards And it didn't the dad didn't need to tell them. I love you guys so much I can't even tell you He was like my kids need to eat I know I'm my macho man and I can tell Um, if anything if your dad looks anything like you I think he's all alpha All alpha or if you look anything like your dad because you can tell also there's a matter of again Correct me if I'm wrong because I'm not a man, but I feel men who tend to behave Contrary to what they're supposed to do either towards their partners towards their children They have a very fragile ego. Yep. I've also met Men who have made it in life. They have everything now. We all wish to have their humble table career They've settled their homes. They have a wonderful retirement plan. They have all these but then Every day they go home. They have dad They're dad. We've seen even the most powerful man in the world Barack Obama You can tell his dad and I I have just done my own personal study and I realized that this man who tend to think that by treating um A woman or a weaker person than they are I think it's just An aspect of who they are and it all comes down to immaturity emotional. No, it's emotional Weakness exactly. It's emotional weakness by they never really realize its emotional weakness. Yes Because for them masculinity is more about How you sound? Yeah, but it's not about being you know, you can be very soft. Yes, but you still Yep, you can be very far many very soft at the same time. Yes. So most people who have an ego They don't realize that they they have what them They have an emotionally but in balance. Yeah, that didn't Maybe there was something that happened in between their childhood that contributes a lot to that So sometimes they can't even know that that is what is affecting them But anytime you'll find a man who has an ego. It's an emotional thing I agree and you they tend to have the same patterns from misquity They become dead beaters. Yes, they try to find validation of my brain Another thing another thing that also they really like a lot is Not being a counter. They don't want to be a counter between anyone Anyone and especially their spouse and in one area that in one particular area, which is finances They never really want to be accountable Especially on finances. No, what I do with my money is my business As long as food is in the house the house is okay The car the kids are going to school. Don't ask me anything. My business is my business So what I what they earn their investments. They never want to be accountable And especially their spouse exactly That is a true characteristics of somebody who is not responsible as a father Yeah, and I can tell you please Jeff. They're getting worse. There are men who actually don't even want to bother They want the women to take care of them and they want to be the liar in the house They wouldn't do even the simplest tasks. You know, there's a way A man can Like we say, it's a it's a balance to partners. There's a reason why it's a partnership A relationship a marriage an institute Two people who have to balance each other and I think also with this new generation. There's that aspect of extreme laziness And it's a pattern look around and I've seen it also even in developed countries like the u.s Somebody has a string of baby mama It's normal. Yeah, unfortunately I have to work like 10 jobs You know, because I have to feed all these kids He and Kenny's unfortunate, right? He and Kenny's unfortunate. They get away with a lot of it But we can see the gulf and I wish we can continue with this conversation But the show How's to end? Uh, what I would like to ask is um Uh, Jeff, maybe if you have final words for dads out there for Even a word of hope for moms who are raising their kids on their own What would you tell them? If you're a father out there Finding themself in the situation where they they are going to be fathers and they don't know what to do know that We are here People who have been there who are Who are ready to work with you in that journey and support you and help you understand that, you know what? Fatherhood is an amazing thing that you just need to accept and embrace And if you're a single mom out there raising a kid alone First of all accept that you cannot do what a father can do We start by accepting that part And then now going out there to probably be intentional in terms of seeking information Absolutely on how to be Yeah, or even getting a trusted father figure into the kid's legs. Yeah. Yeah, are hillary's the same question For me, I'll say uh being a father is spiritual Okay, it's a huge responsibility And uh once you give him responsibility, there'll be provision around it.  Yeah, what matters is How intentional are you about it? Anything in this life is about how intentional are you about it? If you're intentional about it, you'll always find ways and means And it will work for you. Yes. Yes For those single mothers out there. Yes, just like jeff said, yes, you cannot do it on your own Yes, there's that stage that your kids will need that Figure that father figure around so you have your Brothers your sisters your uncles There are those people who can always Feel in that shoe because sometimes it's unfortunate the fathers will not be there But the figures will be there. That's what we're talking about a father figure.  I want to have you guys again because this Conversation is so important and again with present fatherhood and the master classes that will be coming up Please whatever you need from us. We're ready To help and support you. I think it's a wonderful and worthy and a very necessary course And I'm sure this is just the beginning of it all. So please let us know Great.  Just love that child And you will have left a wonderful mark in the world This has been the nest. I'm more than 82. Thank you very much Tomoka coffee Africa. Thank you my wonderful crew Thank you fashion clinic for dressing me and Do not miss the next show same time. Same place. Meanwhile. Have a good night


What in the world is going on with the Yu-Gi-Oh! 25th Anniversary? What's up guys, we're back with another epic video. At least I think it is. I guess we'll have to find out what you guys think about the 25th Anniversary announcements. But there has been a lot of 25th Anniversary coverage. I haven't covered any of it on the channel. Talked about it a little bit on Twitch, but that's about it. So let's just go through everything, the timeline of the 25th Anniversary, which is this current year. There's been a ton of 25th Anniversary stuff that I was not expecting to happen. So originally I thought the 25th Anniversary for Yu-Gi-Oh! would just be the legendary collection release, which we kind of heard about a while back. I think it was about six months ago. I can't keep track exactly when that release was, but it turns out there was a lot more than that. It feels like almost every set has had something to do with the 25th Anniversary. So if we look here, Maze of Memories had the 25th Anniversary logo. That was the only thing it had to do with. So I was like, okay, maybe they're gonna put the 25th Anniversary logo on everything this year. That's no big deal, you know, whatever. I mean, doesn't really change anything. It's just part of the artwork and the pack. That was a trick. They're doing a lot more than that. So then we go to the 25th Anniversary, which we have talked about a couple of times. So obviously this contains the 25th Anniversary rarity, aka the quarter century secret rare version, which there's only six of these and they appear to be promos because these are the six cards. And if these look familiar, we've talked about this before, but these are the six cards that you get in a promo pack of a legendary collection one. So it feels like you're gonna get one of these with your normal promos in your legendary collections, which I mean, to me it's like, that's kind of cool, but it's also a little bit boring. The six that we've been waiting for, you know, oh, what are the big quarter century rarities? Oh, it's the exact same promos as before, except they're in fake starlight rare, which may or may not be a good thing. If it's fake starlight rare, we need to talk about if you guys even like that or not. Do you like quarter century rarity? You think it's cool that it's a starlight with a stamp on it? I don't know. That's a question we have to answer in this video as well. That was what I thought everything was gonna be for the 25th Anniversary, but since then we've had tons of different little leaks and announcements and just stuff on the website for Konami that really changed my opinion of like, oh wow, they're actually gonna be doing more than this. So the next release that we see quarter century's in is Battles of Legend Monster Survenge, but they have moved back to a June release date. Like recently we've been doing it towards the end of the year for the Battles of Legends plus Brothers of Legends stuff, but it seems like this is gonna be coming out in June. And if you take a look at the text here, first of all, there's a lot of cool cards coming out, Dark Mission, Dragon Knight of Magic or whatever it's called, Dark Arm Nios, Assault Synchron, you know, a bunch of cool stuff in there. But if you get down to the bottom where it breaks down all the rarities, 40 secret rares, 62 ultra rares, more than 20 cards in the set also available as quarter century's secret rares. So this is pretty wild because that means 20 cards are gonna be quarter century's secret rares. So first we have quarter century's secret rares as promos, they look like star lights, but you get them in every box. So it's like a much different rarity. You know, one is like one in 25 boxes, one is one in every box, you know, a big, big difference there. So that's interesting. And then now you have them in the set, it appears. So you can open the packs and now pull them. So there are promos in one like product. And then now they are like pullable and another product, but there's 20 of them. So are they gonna be like one in every box? So they're gonna be like one in every, if they're one in every case, it's gonna be a possible to pull all of them.  I also noticed they don't mention star lights here, but I checked on Darkwing Blast, another starlight set. They don't actually mention star lights either. So just because they don't say star lights here doesn't mean there's also not star lights. But I would be surprised if they had quarter century secrets which looked like star lights and then actual star lights, which also look like star lights. So I find this really interesting. I'm kind of excited about this. I think being able to pull them is really cool. I wish they were all pullable and not promos. I think being promos, especially of cards that we already have like a bunch of card like versions of them, like do we really need any more of these versions of the cards? Like this is the artwork people don't like. Artwork people don't like even I think it's cool. I mean, I think all of these are cool, but they're like the least favorite artwork of all these monsters.  I mean, we have the secret fairs where all that stuff, they could use star lights. I mean, that would be cool. I guess these are like the best options for the quarter century, but they're still like every pack, they're not gonna be worth a lot. It kind of reminds me of when they put ultimate rares in the 10, the Z10s for a little bit. And those cards are worth like 20 cents for an ultimate rare. They're like the cheapest ultimate rares on the planet. The big difference between this and that is obviously that God cards and blue eyes are like big cards and like the Z10 ultimate rares were not really, they were gaga-ga stuff. So which is like kind of, you know, niche-y like if you like gaga-ga or not. So that is a big difference. And also star light rare is a little bit different than ultimate rare. I think it can fit any card, but ultimate rare it just kind of depends on the artwork in my opinion, but a lot of people think it could fit anything, but that's just what I think about it. So very interesting, like what's happening here. So that's not it, by the way, there's still more stuff. Then we go on to the Duelist Nexus, which comes out in July. So the July Duelist Nexus set, first of all, they all have 25th on there. This one doesn't mention star lights, which this was a point before I realized that none of them mentioned star lights. This doesn't mean that there's no star lights. Does it say that there's quarter century? Yeah, 25 cards will be available for those quarter century secretaries, which is interesting because they put it up here instead of down here, like on the other one, but 25 cards, so to represent 25. So maybe that means there's 25 in the last set. Last time they said over 20, this one they say exactly 25 to represent 25 years. At this point, I feel like almost every card is gonna have a star light rarity.  This will be really cool for that. But also then you're looking at how much it dilutes the star light market because right now there's not a lot of star lights out there. There's like four or five per core set for the last like four years, but now we're gonna have 25 per set.  Like the battles of legend, monsters, revenge or whatever it's called is not a core set and that has 20 plus of them in there. So I don't really know what to think about this. I'm assuming if you have 25 of the quarter century secretaries, there's not gonna be a regular star light in here. I mean, that would just be too much. So it looks like this set is gonna be a 25th anniversary special with only 25th anniversary quarter century secretaries or whatever they're called. That is a mouthful to say, but that's another thing.  So we have a post by Yu-Gi-Oh organization that the 25th anniversary tin. So the big tins every year, the ones that everybody wants to see have come out. They're called the dueling heroes. So we kind of completed the set of 2020 through 2022. We have the matching tin artworks. They finished that. So now they've moved on. It looks like to a different one. We don't have a picture or an image or anything of what these are gonna look like yet, but we do have a lot of info about these. Probably the most we've had about anything. So originally they had this picture that was making people really confused.  So celebrating the 25th anniversary with a double prismatic secret rare. So this year we have not only one prismatic secret rare, which by the way, a prismatic secret rare is the normal mega tin secret rare. So that is like the, like I would call it parallel secret or whatever, but the secret goes up and down kind of like a tic-tac-toe word. That's the normal thing we get, but we get one per tin. This year we're getting two per tin. This cost some confusion since they could said six tin's are the only place to find this exclusive and beautiful rarity that made people like, what, what does that mean? Yeah, that's just the normal thing that we get every year, but they're getting twice as many per tin. So you're getting two of those. I skipped over the important part. They're featuring double and then also a bonus, bonus, listen to that word, quarter century secret rare. So it's another promo. I think this is extremely awesome and also extremely questionable at the same time.  The 2019 promos were like the biggest thing ever. Like they were awesome. Everybody loved the promos from the 10s. They're bringing them back at seams. That's what bonus quarter century secret rare means. I assume that's what a promo is. It's a bonus. But also we're back to these are like, it's so good. So the rarity, it's confusing. What, is this a rarer rarity or is it not? So in the 25th anniversary and in this tin, we're getting them for free every single time we buy one. And then in our side sets and core sets, we have to pull them. And there's like 20 different versions. So it's impossible to get the one you want. So this rarity is the weirdest rarity ever. It's like if you had a common where in one pack, you get it every time. And then in another pack, you couldn't pull the common except if you open a case or something. So it's like, yeah, or a ghost rare. Like a ghost rare, you get every pack like Gold Series Haunted Mine. I guess like, oh, I guess that kind of works out like that. But the difference with Gold Series Haunted Mine is they only did one set of that. And when they first came out, they were dirt cheap. People didn't care about them. They're like, ah, you get them every time. Who cares? And there was only like six or seven different ones. And this starts like, you know, a million different ones. So I don't know how this is going to play out. It's really weird. Like you're getting a promo in some of them and some it's like pullable. And then I'm sure we're going to get some reprints of like starlights. So we know Zeus is going to get a starlight. So that's like a reprint of the starlight with like a stamp on it. I mean, it's basically the same thing, but it's not. So it looks exactly the same, but it costs way less. So I'm sure there's going to be an overlap of some of the current starlights.  And then we're going to have to differentiate every time if it's the 25th or not. I don't know. I don't, how do you guys feel about this? Cause I feel like a lot of people are upset about it, like really diluting the starlight rarity. And some people were like, who cares, dude, shiny cardboard. So I need to know your opinion in the comments. I'm so confused. There's so many different things coming out for the 25th anniversary. It feels like every week there's a new release of some sort of leak about 25th anniversary rarities or a new set containing them. Or they have 45 different secret rares in them where they're giving out promos again. I don't know what to do. This is the craziest news all year. We've got the 25th anniversary coming out in a couple of weeks. This is going to be insane. Wow. I don't know what to do. I had to make a video cause there's been so many different things come out and we haven't talked about it. Let me know in the comments how you feel about it. Make sure to subscribe to the channel for more epic content like this. I'll see you guys in the next one.


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