When you're struggling with crippling anxiety but you know that getting out the house and doing something would make you feel better but you can't. How do you make the jump from one to the other? That's the topic for today. So today's podcast video however it is that you're consuming it is inspired by the fact that I struggle with crippling anxiety every now and then. I mean anxiety all the time but crippling every now and then and I recently had a little bout of this a few days ago and I tweeted when I finally made it out the house got to the climbing wall felt infinitely better as I knew I would and was just so glad I'd finally managed to break out of the anxiety prison and some people replied saying can you tell us how you did that because either I'm struggling or my child is struggling or my partner is struggling how do you go from knowing getting out and climbing or whatever works for you would help to actually doing it. So I'm going to share some ideas on that full disclaimer partly because it will help you guys and partly because it will help me. So the first thing for me is to actually recognise and acknowledge that there's a problem I will say to my husband to my family to my friends sometimes to the world on Twitter I'm struggling with this I know I need to get out and kind of make that a known aim and acknowledge that I am not doing what I need to for myself right now I need to make a change so actually acknowledging is the first step there and it's not about beating oneself up or about looking necessarily for sympathy there a bit of empathy can help here it's just about noticing hey this has become a problem because sometimes that kind of cycle of anxiety and the world getting smaller and things getting harder can creep up on us and we don't always notice that it's happened until it sort of has and there can be the sudden moment of oh gosh I haven't left the house in three days and the thought of it terrifies me and I don't know how to do that anymore and and so we want to just notice that that's happened and that we would like it to change. Next I begin to hatch my escape plan so I'm going to be thinking largely about when am I going to go now this is really important because what can sometimes happen is you think like say for me I know that going climbing will really help and I go well I'll go climbing when I've got a window that will make that possible that doesn't help because the window will never appear and that's true just of general life like intention planning is very important when it comes to any form of self-care we need to know exactly what we're going to do when we're going to do it who we're going to do it with make that window otherwise you'll never keep to it so I would think very specifically okay after lunch today I am going to get in my car and go to the climbing wall I'll make a very sort of specific window of when I'm going to make this attempt on breaking out of the anxiety jail. Next there's the what so in this instance I've chosen to go climbing but actually thinking about what it is you're going to do sort of where you're going to go what the activity or the thing that you're going to break out of the anxiety jail for is and that's again important to get right because we don't want to do something that's really high stakes so I wouldn't be thinking about my first time out and about in a while when I'm feeling very anxious as being an activity where I might let people down where there are other people kind of relying on me where I'm meeting lots of people or where it's an environment that I know will be quite overstimulating or triggering generally so I would go somewhere that I know on a normal day when things you know anxiety is just at its normal levels that would feel good that would feel welcoming that would feel warm that would feel easy that isn't too overstimulating for me because that's something that I struggle with but you'll know which are your comfortable places which are the places where if anxiety wasn't feeling like this that you would look forward to going to places where you feel good so I'd identify the the what the where and think really really carefully about that making sure that it's low stakes so for me I chose climbing because I know that I love it and I know that there's so many benefits to me and my anxiety for actually going and doing that activity so you might pick a specific thing or place that you know will actually help to alleviate your anxiety as well as just breaking the cycle of being stuck in the house. I also like to think about who and the why so who is there anyone who can support both at home who can be your kind of cheerleader try and keep you to your plan so if you said I'm gonna try and go climbing after lunch my husband will be there gently going have you got everything ready feel it all sorted are you are you all right to go is there anything I can do to support I've got control of everything here you know he'll do all those things without pushing but just gently enabling and maybe you're someone else's who who can be supporting equally sometimes it's about going with and actually being alongside sometimes it can be helpful to have a pal or a parent or a partner with you when you go and do things if things are feeling really overwhelming different people need different things at different times so we shouldn't make assumptions about who is helpful and whether we want to go alone or have someone with us but it's really worth thinking about and making a proactive plan about who can help both at back at base and out in the wild and then the why I find it helpful just to check in with my why just to remind myself why am I doing this thing that feels terrifying because the way the anxiety kind of cycle builds is that we do stuff and it peaks the anxiety and so we're like hell I'm not doing that again that feels horrible why would I do this thing to myself and in order to get out and break out of that anxiety prison when we've kind of created it then we have to do the thing that feels horrible it will feel horrible like your anxiety will peak you're doing the thing that scares you right now and yeah maybe you've done this thing a million times before and it felt fine and you'll do it a million times in the future it'll feel fine but right now it feels impossible and so remembering I've done this stuff before and it felt really good I really like being able to leave the house I know I'll love going climbing I want things to feel better and I know this is a really good step in the right direction I don't want to be stuck in the house for weeks on end which is where I've ended up before when I haven't tried hard to break the cycle it feels hard today but it'll feel even harder tomorrow there's all these different kind of whys and we kind of know them but I find it really helpful just to tap back in and remind myself of my motivation so this feels like something I am doing because I want to even though it feels horrible right now another thing I think is really crucial is just to lower expectations and to be really forgiving of ourselves if it doesn't kind of work out so make a plan try to stick to it but actually maybe think about having a bit of a graded plan so when I was going climbing the other day then I had a plan that I would try and get to my car I would get in my car I would drive to the climbing wall I'd get out of my car I'd walk into the wall I'd check in I'd go for a climb I'd come home and each of those steps achieving any of them would have been an improvement on where I was before I started so even if all I'd done was step out of my house actually even if all I'd done was that step out the house onto the pavement that would have been a win worth celebrating and I'd have come back and tried to build on that next time so try and think about what all the kind of different steps are and just actually acknowledge that you've done a good job no matter how many of those steps you get through and it might take a few attempts to get to the end I was lucky on this occasion and I've done good prep and so I was able to do the whole thing but there's been plenty of occasions when I've backed out I almost almost backed out when I got to the climbing wall it was a little bit busy in reception and I had to queue and as I joined the back of the queue I was aware I was like sounding in this queue is going to allow my anxiety spilled I'm a little bit worried I might get quite anxious I might just turn around now I've done really well but at that moment one of the members of staff who know me caught my eye and said I've checked you in Pookie you can go straight in and that really helped me that's like a whole nother video on why that really helped me one was I didn't have to queue and let the anxiety build but the other was that feeling of connection and belonging I've barely been to that wall in weeks I've been too anxious to go and this guy knew who I was greeted me by name checked me in like you're part of the family here and that felt really good and that really helped and gave me that little boost that I needed to then actually make it into the climbing wall and get on with my climb so we're having like lower expectations we're going to forgive ourselves if it doesn't all work out and we're going to notice what we did achieve and actually even just having the intention wanting to leave the house is a really good starting point other things we can do to prepare is like proactive calming so I want to make sure if I'm going to go and do a scary thing that I am in the best possible starting place before I make an attempt so what does that mean that means I might have used some of my breathing strategies that means I've probably given myself a little bit of a break and not eating a lunch that's really stressed me out I've gone back to my like familiar foods and I might have done other sort of calming relaxing whatever you know works for you to get you to the point where you feel as kind of calm chilled happy as you can so that you're on a really good kind of level playing field before you go and try and do the difficult thing like trying to go and break this barrier go outside for the first time go and do the things that scare you when you're already feeling really anxious is much more likely to fail so we just want to think about what's the lead in there so if my daughter Ellie is going to do something that scares her a bit I'll always be like have a luxury bath and that's her thing so a luxury bath is a very long lovely bubbly bath maybe while watching a film and that is what helps her to get to a really good calm place and it's different for all of us but you will have an idea about how to get to your best place ready to go and try and do hard things so I do that proactive calming before making an attempt finally we celebrate however far we got done that process even if we just planned it and acknowledged the need for change that's great but however far we got actually notice that celebrate it maybe actually tell other people the reason I tweeted was to kind of share that I'd done it and I was proud and I find it really helpful to publicly acknowledge that sometimes you know also talked about it with my husband and you know well done me this does matter because what we're trying to do is sort of speak to those demons in your head saying don't do those things it'll be terrible we're going you know I did I did do it and nothing really awful happening yeah it was hard but I did it and I do feel better for having done it because of XYZ and actually really exploring that really acknowledging that really leaning into that feeling of I did I can I've done it I've conquered this really matters because we're trying to reprogram our brains a little bit really so lean into what's gone well and then finally finally do it again soon so it's no good just doing it once that's fantastic and remarkable and huge and scary and wonderful that you've done it but then start planning for next time right away be thinking right away okay I've got this I've done it I can and that success will spiral us on to do it again but do it again as soon as you can so be planning for the next time because the only way to break out of these cycles is through repetition and practice and reprogramming our brain to tell it I can rather than I can't so plan plan plan next time as soon as you can you may keep making progress sometimes you may step back but repetition is absolutely key here and with that in mind I am going to go climbing again today good luck it is really hard and I do think it's important just to acknowledge how hard it is often those of us who struggle with this kind of crippling anxiety you don't tend to share it and people don't tend to see it on the days when it's really difficult everyone tends to see us on the days when we're masking or managing and so I think it does go quite hidden this sort of yeah literally can't leave the house I mean the day before for context the day before the day that I did manage to make it to the climbing wall I barely made it out of bed and I'm a really productive proactive person and I try really hard and I genuinely look like I'm managing really well but that day was a duvet day and in the end I forgave myself for it and realized I needed it and I think that duvet day gave me the strength to then break the cycle the next day but it was not a pretty looking day from a kind of social media or outward facing point of view but people don't always see that bit so you know if it's you and you're beating yourself up for not managing better just know that you're not alone and take each day as it comes and please be a little bit forgiving of yourself and if you're watching this because you're supporting someone that you care for or work with just just take a moment I think just to understand how remarkably hard it is that we sometimes have to work to do things that might appear really really simple for you and that's not meant to make you feel guilty or like you've managed things wrong or anything like that I think it's just acknowledging the scale of the challenge sometimes for some of us things that look simple to the rest of the world feel like climbing a mountain before we've even eaten our breakfast and just I don't know people kind of getting that understanding how hard we're trying and how very challenging this can be can actually really really help sometimes I hope there were some helpful ideas in here please do drop a comment below with what helps you today was based on what helps me obviously what helps me is generally drawing on all the evidence base and many many years of research and theory and all that kind of stuff but actually it's just what worked for me on this occasion I'd love to hear what works for you and if you are struggling with this right now good luck you're not alone we're in this together and you can do this just think of a tiny step you can take until next time over and out


Sweet corn is an important vegetable crop in the Northeast. Freshly picked, locally grown sweet corn is popular among consumers who like to be able to buy it at roadside stands, farmers markets, and supermarkets. To grow a marketable crop of sweet corn, farmers must provide adequate soil fertility, control insect pests, and manage weeds. In this video, farmers describe production practices that they use to grow a good crop of corn without excessive use of fertilizers, insecticides, or herbicides. These ecological production practices can help enhance profits while protecting natural resources. Farmers can decide for themselves which of these practices makes sense for their operation. I'm Alex MacLennan and I farm in the Connecticut River Valley in Windsor, Vermont on sandy silt loam soils. I grow about 50 acres of vegetables. That's about 20 acres in sweet corn, 20 acres in pumpkins, and about 10 acres of green beans. I started using hairy vetch oh I'd say about four or five years ago now. Basically I was looking for something, I don't have animals, I don't have manure, so I've been trying to find cover crops that fit in well with a fairly intensive vegetable production so that we don't wear out the soil. I like the vetch for a source of nitrogen because I'm looking for something with a bit of a time release to it as opposed to just throwing on your rea and having it go into solution too quickly. I also use the vetch specifically because I don't take land out of production for an entire growing season so I'm trying to have a cover crop on the land basically all the time that there's not a cash crop on there. I seed vetch from 15 to 30 pounds to the acre. A 30 pound rate gives a real nice stand but some years the vetch seed is very expensive and sometimes I just economize by cutting back to a rate as low as 15 pounds. I still get a reasonably good stand with 15 pounds to the acre. That is seeded at the same time as the oats which is usually at about a bushel to the acre and that seems to work out well for giving me a fall cover. We inoculate the vetch seed to make sure that we get good nodulation because the whole purpose really of the hairy vetch cover crop is to get nitrogen fixation. We turn the vetch under in preparation for planting usually around the second to third week of May. I like to hold off as long as I possibly can and get as much nitrogen out of the vetch as I can before I plow it under. Hairy vetch has never been a problem in volunteer production or weed production. We never had any problem turning it under and killing it very easily without any chemical use. So the vetch gives me additional biomass, a little bit better soil structure, additional nitrogen and erosion protection for the winter and early spring. The major drawback to using vetch has been the cost of the seed but as long as it stays under $2 a pound I intend to continue to use it and I think it's done a great job on my soils.


I have to be honest about something. What's that? Whenever you show me your screen with my loads on it, I act like I know what I'm going to have, but I don't. It's okay. I know. I've only looked inside of them, but I've never actually been arrived for the first time. Fun stuff. It's been a long time you've been driven. Almost four years. So, yeah, I worked for another company, the other red company, and I wasn't really happy there. After that I went to another company. I wasn't really happy there either, so I came here and, you know, I felt, I felt more nice to be here. They actually went, it seemed like they went the extra mile to get me to work here, you know, because I had some issues and I had to take care of them, medically. But they were very patient with me and they said, you know, we'll get you here, and that's how I came. Before you came, I think. Oh, okay. I kind of always had that cool in mind of training. You know, it was my goal from the very beginning. I was, get my CDL, learn what I need to learn, something local, fly guards down the road, but I'm a seven-ton student. I'm stressful at times, but I just got a free-can-imagine pocket and I'm a little stressful. Yeah, I'm running about ten trainers right now, so I definitely get to hear all the different stories. Oh, yeah. I definitely...  I am. Yeah. So right now, well, I want to say back in August, I took over the trainers. So I run the Squireport. They want me to get up to 30 trainers this year. 30 trainers. 30. How many do you have now, you said? I think I have about 10. 10. But the nice thing is, people are starting... Since a lot of people know me already, I want to become a trainer, that the other drivers look forward to working as a trainer, so they definitely get there. We're like... I hear a lot of drivers talking and everybody talks about Taylor, Taylor Swanson. Oh man, she's such a great DM. Aw, I love Taylor. And you're kind of hidden from the social media. She's doing it right along. Kind of hidden from the social media, so nobody really sees that side of you. So I think this would be a good opportunity for the drivers to go on there and see who Taylor is. Get a little exposure to me. Right. Yep. I like it. So has your son ever been able to visit you and see the truck inside? No, not yet. No. I think the legal age limit is 10 years old, for night. But, you know, I inquired about taking my truck home and you checked for me and you said it was okay. Yep. So I'm looking forward to him seeing that. Oh, that would be fun. Him helping me clean it. Yeah. After my mom washed my bedding. You know? Well, I think he'll probably enjoy it. I know my son. He loves trucks. So three times he brought him here. Look at the big red truck. How old is your son? Three and a half. That's cool. So he's super excited. I've got a little model. He's got my trucks and he gets out sewing to it.  Yeah. Three and a half. That's like the fun age. That's the cute age.  He's not hungry or doesn't get to go to the park. But it's still cute. I know. I was calling yesterday when I was working from home and Dan asked me something and he just starts singing in the background and he goes, oh, he's so fun breaking into a bird. And I think we should keep him at home. He's so young to be running around the office. I'm really enjoying it, especially having him. Then one of my biggest challenges is finding a company that can work with you and your family needs. So with him, he's whether he's sick or if they're always just so willing to let him work at home or work at home. That's cool. You get to work at home sometimes. Yeah. It's been tremendously helpful. It's a fun industry. There's just so many different things to it. It kind of just makes me really think about when I'm out on the road and I see a truck which is so much more mindful now. Like, okay, I gotta make sure I get my five to second space. Oh, it makes fun of me so much. I'm like, I don't want to make theirs gear or go off and then their smart drive go, well, what if that's their safety belt? You're exactly right. Yes. So I'm always like thinking about that and he just teases me. And it's just, you know, there's so much more to it. It's funny. I have so much more respect for the truck driver since I've become a truck driver. I didn't think twice when I was just a four-wheeler driver, you know? Cutting them off. I mean, it takes a while to slow this big thing down. Yeah. It's definitely brought to mind so many things that I've never thought about before. And for me, it's nice to be able to relate to it. I think what's helped me relate to some of my drives, too, is the fact that my boyfriend works for BNSF. Right. So I understand if you want home time, the importance of making sure you get that home time and spend time with your family, you know, and miss it home. So I think that's really helped me. Does he go out of town? He does, yeah. He works out on the road.  Oh, he leaves months at a time? Months, yeah. So I probably won't see him for a couple months just because the drive, he has to, he works nights so he would get off at like 1 o'clock on Wednesday Saturday. He needs to drive, you know, 12 hours to get home and be back by Monday night. So for us, it's like, it just makes more sense for him to stay up there for a longer period of time before he comes back home. Right. And then usually he'll, uh... Not only does he have to leave town, but he has to work nights. Yeah. Much respect to him. Much respect. Yeah. So I told him, maybe I'll try to see him. Maybe he'll be more cool to let me have a day off and I can come up to you. So that way your schedule's not too interrupted. Have you been to Modesto? Yeah. I actually went to visit him when Grayson was about eight months old. It was quite an experience driving 13 hours with the six-way boat.  I drove there after work. Oh my gosh, I think I'd have stopped every two hours to change diapers and feed him. But it was, it was nice. I liked the area.  There's some nice areas in Modesto. We have our drop yard there. That, you know what? Yeah. When I do go... I'll probably end up visiting at least once. I'll just drop by at the seas. I think you realize we have the yard there.  There you go. They really want us to get out there and just kind of see what it's like for you guys, which I'd love to do because when I'm talking to you guys and you say, oh, something's going on in the shipper. I'm doing something on the trailer. I've never been out there to actually see it happening. So for me, it's hard to understand time-wise how long it's going to take or what it's going to be like. So, I want to see just all the different assets.  Obviously, I hope it doesn't. I hope that every shipper and receiver will go through some sealants. But, unfortunately, not always how it goes. No, not always. But... I will say this though. You know, I've run into somewhere. They were just cranky. I don't know if they woke up in a bad mood. Just smile at them. And I've told this one lady. She was very cranky with me. And, you know, I won't say the place, but I said, remember, you haven't had a bad day today. And then she opened up to me and said, oh, my back hurts. And I said, why not some Advil on my truck? Would you like some Advil? And she said, no, that's okay. But that totally changed her mood, you know. I just try to come across to people the way I want to be treated. Exactly. Treat us the way you want to be treated, even when I have that whole call that's not so pleasant.  Self-overlap, all my drivers love me, I think that a lot of the self-overlap that I talk to, get along with me really well, so, I like talking to them, I don't mind if I get to be the first one they talk to, every time, works for me, then I get to catch up, ask them how things are going. You know, the rumor, rumor is that, Taylor's not going to be there for that long, and I'm like, what are you talking about? She's too good, she's too good, she's going to get promoted, and we're going to move her as a DM, oh man. I, I have terrible people say things, but, if I, like, ask that it be with someone, and I'm like, you so proud? Yes, I love working there, but, before you, Ramon Garcia was like, might know Dan Peterson, and then before Dan Peterson, Ramon Garcia, but Dan Peterson was only for a short time, and, when Ramon got promoted, he would still help me out, you know, if I needed help, if I couldn't get a hold of my, DM, so that's what I like about it also, you know, even if they get promoted, and you can get a hold of them, you know, they'll help you out, with the situation going on. Yeah, I think, I think, I know their, their drivers, they've never been mine, they'll have myself, they'll reach out to me, and ask me for help, and, I'm just more than happy to help them anytime I can, because, we're honest together. I think I've been reached out to you on your day off, and you still reply. I try, I definitely try. Grace watches his YouTube videos, and sometimes it may hit you, but, if I hear it going off, but, he's much better now, where I can say, can you pass along the phone, and he'll hand it to me, and I can get things done. Isn't YouTube great for the millennials? Gosh, it's, yeah, when my cousin first told me about YouTube, and I was like, what is it?  She's like, he was a person. So, anything else here, I'm just gonna do it tonight, trying any out from the other kind of divisions, especially. Actually, honey, you should have asked. Yesterday, as I was getting my A-Service, I wanted to talk to, Ramon Garcia, and I started inquiring about owner operator. Okay. So, he introduced me to, I think, and I'm sorry, I can't remember her name, but she went through the paperwork, and told me everything there is to know, and then she started checking my thing, and my safety score, everything was good. So, that's another option. I mean, I just, I like options, but I like my, I like my truck, and I know I'd have to give it up, and I like training, and I know I'd have to stop training, and that's it. Yeah. It's just good to know that there's other options. Definitely. As far as that goes, look, you're a store worker. Have you heard of his name? Yes. He's that of El Paso. I run into him all the time. In El Paso, or Phoenix, or Farms Island. Yeah. I love to hear all the different things in the drives, so they've got a new driver in mind. He's getting ready just past his road test, just got his paint on her cruise, and now we've got to get him into a truck, and he's like, where are you getting ready? He's like, what kind of things can I bring?  You can't bring something to make your food, you know, as long as it's safe for the course. Do you have a lot of people out all year? Being that I have the trainers, not as much as before when I had OTR, I have a couple guys, I have a couple of drivers that are not trainers, and they stay out, they won't quite stay out for more than maybe two months, but they'll be out for a while, and then they decide to come home, but it's some of my younger drivers that are mobile and kind of stay out for a little bit longer at a time, if you don't have children or, you know, I mean, that's the only reason I go home is because of my son. Definitely. Yeah, I might get that working. A lot of guys asked about the Monday to Friday and they said, heck yeah, you know, you want to do it?  Right. You are, yep, you are going to be my new driver. And what did I say to you? I remember saying something to you. It was last summer and trying to think. I think I remember saying, I like to run. Yes, Dan told me how to dance and just keep moving, keep moving. I want to say, I even got to, I think in the first low we got she was like, Phoenix to Texas. He's like, don't worry, he'll take it. I know he'll take it that he loves to run it. And, yeah, gosh, you could just make things happen. I'd give you a love and be like, I know Raymond's all looking for it. And even when you were sick, I think you kept going for about a week but still pushed through. And I was awesome. I could say the same about you.  I was all this talking to me and it was you. You were still working. You know, I get that work, I think for my mother, you know, my mother was always, she never missed work.   So you understand, like, hey, can I get home by this certain time? And you really try to get me home and I appreciate that. You always have a student ready for me.  You know, I hear a lot of other drivers, I don't know if their DMs aren't as good or what, or the drivers aren't, but I don't have that problem here. I, I enjoy where I work, I enjoy so well, I enjoy you as I can. Well, thank you. I love your, your great driver and you're always, you know, giving in, missed calls, shooting your trucks, I know you're going to miss calls. Unless I'm sleeping. Well, then I try to look at your log and see if you're sleeping. I'm glad you got your ride out. I think we got another one scheduled, I'm not sure, but it's cool that you got to come out here and see, you know, kind of what we do. Yeah, I definitely love any opportunity you can get out, kind of experience you guys get to experience. It's a whole other world from inside, from what we experience this much. They need to bring the driver into the office and it's the driver to, driver manager. I guess, I'm ready for it. Oh man, there'll be drivers going all over the place. Hey, what's going on here? I would be more than happy to have you sit with me anytime you like. You can watch what I get to do. I've, well that's what they do with the DQP students. They'll have them come sit with us for about an hour in the action on Mondays. And that's what I get to like tell them all the different screens on that.  But yeah, I've had a couple of drivers when they've had their services done they'll come next to me and they'll go, gosh, I just couldn't do it. I think I'd go a little crazy because, you know, it's a lot. I have to be honest about something. What's that? Whenever you show me your screen with my loads on it, I act like I know what I'm looking at and I'm pretty sure you're not the only one.  I mean, I could if I took the time but the way that it's structured is just so much different than mine. Structure is different and you've got to get used to it. You're so funny. I guess when I say screenshots, it doesn't really have to be funny. Yeah, you sent me a screenshot and I was looking at it. Well, I try more or less to send it to like cities because I know that the times are funny. That's funny. Drivers, there's a lot more. Well, maybe their DM has pointed out different things. That might have helped. The first time I looked at that screen, I was like, what am I looking at? Where is this, huh? What? I do have a good driver, man. Even though she's newer, she gets it. She picked up quick on everything. She picked up quick.  Yeah, she gets it. I think for me, the biggest thing is trust so trusting that I'm going to take care of them, trusting that I'm going to say what I do like, you know, do what I say I'm going to do for them. That's a big thing for me, especially and in just communication, don't be afraid to ever tell me anything. You know, whether you think that I'm going to be upset or not going to be upset, the biggest thing is just make sure you tell me so that I can take care of the problems. That's what I'm here to do. Just make your lives and focus on the load, making sure you get there. I'll figure out everything else.