Chapter 7 of A Red Wallflower This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Jennifer Painter A Red Wallflower by Susan Warner Chapter 7 Coming Home Without being at all an unfaithful friend, it must be confessed that Pitt's mind during his time was full of the things pertaining to his own new life, and he thought little of Esther, he thought little of anybody, he was not at a sentimental age, nor at all of a sentimental disposition, and he had enough else to occupy him. It was not till he had put the college behind him and was on his journey home that Esther's image rose before his mental vision, the first time perhaps for months. It smoked him then with a little feeling of compunction.  He had not forgotten her, he had only not remembered. He might have taken time to write her one little letter, but he had not thought of it. Had she ceased to think of him in any corresponding way? Pitt was very sure she had not. Somehow his fancy was very busy with Esther during this journey home. He was making amends for months of neglect. Her delicate, tender, faithful image seemed to stand before him. Forgetfulness would never be charged upon Esther, nor carelessness of anything she ought to care for. Of that, he was sure. He was quite ashamed of himself that he had sent her never a little token of remembrance in all this time. He recalled the girl's eagerness in study, her delight in learning, her modest, well-bred manner, her evident, though unconscious, loving devotion to himself, and her profound grief at his going away. There were very noble qualities in that young girl that would develop into what might they develop? And how would those beautiful, thoughtful eyes look from a woman's soul by and by? Had his mother complied with his request and shown any kindness to the child? Pitt had no special encouragement to think so. And what a life it must be for such a creature at 12 years old to be alone with that taciturn, reserved, hypochondriac kernel. It was near evening when the stagecoach brought Pitt to his native village and set him down at home. There was no snow on the ground yet, and his steps rang on the hard frozen path as he went up to the door, giving clear intimation of his approach. Within there was waiting. The mother and father were sitting at the two sides of the fireplace, busy with keeping up the fire to an unmaintainable standard of brilliance and looking at the clock, now and then exchanging a remark about the weather, the way, the distance, and the proper time of the expected arrival. Till that sharp sound of a step on the gravel came to their ears, and both parents started up and rushed to the door. There was a general confusion of kisses and hand clasps and embraces from which Pitt at last emerged. Oh, my boy, how late you are! Not at all, Mother, just right. A tedious cold ride, hadn't you? No, Mother, not at all. Roads in capital order, smooth as a plank floor. Came along splendidly, but there'll be snow tomorrow. Oh, I hope not till you get the greens. Oh, I'll get the greens, never fear, and put them up too. Wherewith they entered the brilliantly lighted room where the supper table stood ready, and all eyes could meet eyes and read tokens each of the other's condition. He looks well, said Mrs. Dallas, regarding her son. Why shouldn't I look well? Hard work, suggested the mother. Work is good for a fellow. I never got hard work enough yet. But home is jolly, Mother. That's the use of going away, I suppose. Said the young man, drawing a chair comfortably in front of the fire, while Mrs. Dallas rang for supper and gave orders, and then sat down to gaze at him with those mother's eyes that are like nothing else in the world. Searching, fond, proud, tender, devoted. Pitt met them and smiled. I'm alright, he said. Look so, said the father contentedly. Hold your own, Pitt. Yes, sir. Ahead of everybody? Yes, sir, said the young man, a little more reservedly. I knew it, said the elder man, rubbing his hands. I thought I knew it, but I made sure you would. He hasn't worked too hard either, said the mother, with a careful eye of examination. He looks as he ought to look. A bright glance of the eye came to her.  And Pitt, do you like it? Like what, Mother? The place, and the work, and the people, the students, and the professors? That's what I should call a comprehensive question. You expect one yes or no to cover all that? Well, how do you like the people? Mother, when you get a community like that of a college town, you have something of a variety of material, don't you see? The people are all sorts, but the faculty are very well, and some of them capital fellows.  No, Mother, had something else to do. Time enough for that, said the elder Dallas, contentedly. When a man has the money, you'll have my boy. He made pretty much command society. Some sorts, said Pitt, all sorts. Must be a poor kind of society, I should say, that makes money the first thing. It's the best sort you can get in this world, said the elder man, chuckling. There's nothing but money that will buy bread and butter, and they all want bread and butter. You'll find they all want bread and butter, whatever else they want or have. Of course they want it, but what is that to do with society? You'll find out, said the other, with an unctuous kind of complacency. But there's no society in this country, said Mrs. Dallas. Now, Pitt, turn your chair around. Here's the supper. You want to sit by the fire, that is? The supper was a royal one, for Mrs. Dallas was a good housekeeper, and the tone of it was festive, for the spirits of them all were in a very gay and Christmas mood. So it was with a good deal of surprise, as well as chagrin, that Mrs. Dallas, after supper, saw her son handling his breakcoat in the hall. Pitt, you're not going out. Yes, mother, for a little while. Where can you be going? I want to run over to Colonel Gainsborough for a minute or two. Colonel Gainsborough? You don't want to see him tonight? Neither tonight, nor any time. At least, I can live without it. But there's somebody else there that would like to see me. I'll be back soon, mother. Pitt, that is quite absurd. That child can wait till morning, surely, and I want you myself. I think I have a better claim. You have had me a good while already, and she'll have me again, said Pitt laughing. I'm just going to steal a little bit of the evening, mother. Be generous. And he opened the hall door and was off, and the door closed behind him. Mrs. Dallas went back to the supper room with a very discomforted face. Pilled the brand, she said, in a tone that made our husband look up. There is no help for it. We shall have to send him to England. What now? Just what I told you. He's off to see that child. Off like the North Wind, and no more to be held. That's nothing new. He never could be held. Pity we didn't name him Boreus. But do you see what he is doing? No. He's off to see that child. That child today and another tomorrow. He's a boy yet. Hilda Brand, I tell you there is danger. Danger of what? Of what you would not like. My dear, young men do not fall dangerously in love with children, and that little girl is a child yet. You forget how soon she will not be a child, and she is going to be a very remarkable looking girl, I can tell you. And you must not forget another thing, husband, that Pitt is as persistent as he is willful. He's got a head, I think, said Mr. Dallas, stroking his whiskers thoughtfully. That won't save him. It never saved anybody. Men with heads are just as much fools, in certain circumstances, as men without them. He might fancy some other child in England if we sent him there, you know. Yes, but at least she would be a church woman, said Mrs. Dallas, with her handsome face all cloudy and disturbed. Meanwhile, her son had rushed along the village street, or road rather, through the cold and darkness, the quarter of a mile to Colonel Gainsborough's house. There he was told that the Colonel had a bad headache and was already gone up to his room. Is Miss Esther up? Oh, yes, sir, said Mrs. Barker, doubtfully, but she did not invite the visitor in. Can I see her for a moment? I haven't no orders, but I suppose you can come in, Mr. Dallas. It is Mr. Dallas, ain't it? Yes, it's I, Mrs. Barker, said Pitt, coming in and beginning at once to throw off his great coat. In the usual room, is the Colonel less well than common? Well, no, sir, not to call less well, as I knows on. It is the time of year, sir, I make bold to imagine.  But Mrs. Esther's, well, so as she can be. Pitt got out of his great coat and gloves, and waited for no more. He had a certain vague expectation of the delight his appearance would give, and was a little eager to see it. So he went in with a bright face to surprise Esther. The girl was sitting by the table reading a book she had laid close under the lamp, reading with a very grave face, Pitt saw too, and it a little sobered the brightness of his own. It was not the dullness of stagnation or of sorrow this time. At least Esther was certainly busily reading, but it was sober, steady business, not the absorption of happy interest or excitement. She looked up carelessly as the door opened, then half incredulously as she saw the entering figure. Then she shut her book and rose to meet him. But then she did not show the lively pleasure he had expected. Her face flushed a little, she hardly smiled. She met him as if he were more or less a stranger, with much more dignity and less eagerness than he was accustomed to from her. Pitt was astonished, unpeaked and curious. However, he followed her lead in a measure. How do you do, Queen Esther? he said, holding out his hand. How do you do, Pitt? she answered, taking it, but with the oddest mingling of reserve and doubt in her manner. And the great grave eyes were lifted to his face for a moment, with, it seemed to him, something of an inquiry or questioning in them. Are you not glad to see me? Yes, she said with another glance. Then why are you not glad to see me? he asked impetuously. I am glad to see you, of course.  This won't do, you know, said the young man, half vexed and half laughing, but wholly determined not to be kept at a distance in this manner. I am not going to sit down if you are going to see me like that. What did you have? Why? As if I were a stranger, that you didn't care a pin about. What's the matter, Queen Esther? Esther was silent. Pitt was half indignant. And then he caught the shimmer of something like moisture in the eyes, which were looking away from him to the fire, and his mood changed. What is it, Esther? he said kindly, take a seat, Your Majesty, and I'll do the same. I see there is some talking to be done here. He took the girl's hand and put her in her chair, and himself drew up another mirror. Now, what's the matter, Esther? Have you forgotten me? No, she said, but I thought perhaps you had forgotten me. What made you think that? You were gone away, she said, hesitating. You were busy, Papa said. What did he say? He said, probably I would never see you much more. But here the tears came to view undeniably, welled up and filled the eyes and rolled over. Esther brushed them hastily away. And I hadn't the decency to write to you? Had that something to do with it?  Pitt was more touched and sorry than he would have supposed before such a matter could make him. Look here, Esther, he said. There are two or three things I want you to take note of. The first is that you must never judge by appearances, asked Esther, considering him and this statement together, because they are deceptive. They mislead. Do they? Very frequently. What is one to judge by then? Depends. In this case, by your knowledge of the person concerned. Esther looked at him and a warmer shine came into her eye. Yes, she said, I thought it was not like you to forget, but then Papa said I would not be likely to see much more of you ever. Esther got the words out with some difficulty without however breaking down. And I thought, I had to get accustomed to doing without you, and I'd better do it. Why should you not see much more of me? Pitt demanded energetically. You would be going away. I'm coming back again. But going to England perhaps. Who said that? I don't know, I think Mrs Dallas told Papa. Well, now look here, Queen Esther, Pitt said more moderately. I told you in the first place, you are not to judge by appearances. Do you see that you have been mistaken in judging me? She looked at him. A look that moved him a good deal. There was so much wistfulness in it. So much desire revealed to find him what she had found him in times past, along with the dawning hope that she might. Yes, said he nodding. You have been mistaken, and I did not expect it of you, Queen Esther. I don't think I am changeable, but anyhow, I haven't changed towards you. I have but just got home this evening, and I ran away from home and my mother as soon as we had done supper, that I might come and see you. Esther smiled. She was pleased, he saw. And in the next place, as to that crotchet of your not seeing much more of me, I can't imagine how it ever got up, but it isn't true anyhow. I expect you'll see an immense deal of me. I may go sometime to England, about that I can't tell. But if I go, I shall come back again, supposing I am alive. And now, do you see that it would be very foolish of you to try to get accustomed to doing without me, for I shall not let you do it. I don't want to do it, said Esther confidingly, for you know I have nobody else except you and Papa. What put such an absurd notion in your head?  You look like it. What is a stoic? The sort of people that bite a nail in two, and smile as if it were a stick of peppermint candy. I didn't know there were any such people. No, naturally, so it won't do for you to try to imitate them. But I was not trying anything like that. What were you trying to do then? Esther hesitated. I thought I must do without you, and so I thought I had better not think about you. Did you succeed? Not very well, but I suppose I could in time. See, you don't. What do you think in that case I should do? Are you, said Esther, that is different. I thought you would not care. Did you? You did me honour. Now, Queen Esther, let us understand this matter. I do care, and I am going to care, and I shall always care. Do you believe it? I always believe what you say, said the girl with a happy change in her face, which touched Pitt again curiously. Somehow the contrast between his own strong, varied, rich and active life with its abundance of resources and enjoyments, careless and satisfied, and this little girl alone at home with her cranky father and no variety or change or outlook or help struck him painfully. It would hardly have struck most young men, but Pitt, with all his rollicking waywardness and self-pleasing, had a fine fibre in him which could feel things. Then Esther's nature, he knew, was one rich in possibilities to which life was likely to bring great joy or great sorrow, more probably both. What book have you got there? He asked suddenly. Book of the Bible. The Bible? That's something beyond your comprehension, isn't it? No, said Esther. What made you think it was? Always heard it wasn't the thing for children. What set you at that, Queen Esther? Reading about your namesake? I have read about her. I wasn't reading about her tonight. What were you after then? It's Mama's Bible. Said Esther rather slowly. She used to say it was the best place to go for comfort. Comfort? What do you want comfort for, Esther? Nothing now, she said with a smile. I am so glad you are come. What did you want comfort for then? Said he, taking her hand and holding it while he looked into her eyes. I don't know. Papa had gone to bed and I was alone and somehow it seemed lonesome. Will you go with me tomorrow after Christmas greens? cried the girl with such a flush of delight coming into eyes and cheeks and lips that Pitt was almost startled. I don't think I could enjoy it unless you came and then you will help me dress the rooms. What rooms? Our rooms at home. And now, what have you been doing since I have been away? All shadows were got rid of and the followed a half hour of most eager intercourse. Questions and answers coming thick upon one another. Esther was curious to hear all that Pitt would tell her about his life and doings at college. And nothing loath, Pitt gave it her. It interested him to watch the play of thought and interest in the child's features as he talked. She comprehended him and she seemed to take in without difficulty the strange nature and conditions of his college world. Do you have to study hard? She asked. That's as I please. One must study hard to be distinguished. And you will be distinguished, won't you? What do you think? Do you care about it? Yes, I care, said Esther slowly. You were not anxious about me? No, she said smiling. Papa said you would be sure to distinguish yourself. Did he? I'm very much obliged to Colonel Gainesborough. What for? Why? For his good opinion. But he couldn't help his opinion, said Esther. Queen Esther, said Pitt, laughing. I don't know about that. People sometimes hold opinions they have no business to hold and that they would not hold if they were not perverse minded. Esther's face had all changed since he came in. The premature gravity and sadness was entirely dispersed. The eyes were full of beautiful light, the mouth taking a great many curves, corresponding to as many alternations and shades of sympathy, and a slight colour of interest and pleasure had risen in the cheeks. If Pitt had vanity to gratify, it was gratified. But he had something better. He had a genuine kindness and liking for the little girl, which had suffered absolute pain when he saw how his absence and silence had worked. Now the two were in full enjoyment of the old relations and the old intercourse when the door opened and Mrs Barker's head appeared. Mrs Esther, it's your time. Time for what? asked Pitt. It's my time for going to bed, said Esther, rising. I'll come, Mrs Barker. Queen Esther, does that woman say what you are to do and not do? said Pitt in some indignation. Oh no, but Papa, he likes me not to be up later than nine o'clock. What is Barker to do with it? I think she wants putting in her place. She always goes with me and attends to me. Yes, I must go, said Esther. But the Colonel is not here to be disturbed. He would be disturbed if I didn't go at the right time. Good night, Pitt. Well, till tomorrow, said the young man, taking Esther's hand and kissing it. But this is what I call a very summery proceeding. Queen Esther, does your Majesty always do what you are expected to do and take orders from everybody? No. Only from Papa and you. Good night, Pitt. Yes, I'll be ready tomorrow. End of Chapter 7 Chapter 8 of a Red Wallflower This is a LibriVox recording. A LibriVox recording is in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona. A Red Wallflower by Susan Warner. Chapter 8.  Perhaps his liking for her was deeper than he knew. It was certainly real, while his kindly and generous temper responded promptly to every appeal that her affection and confidence made upon him. Affection and confidence are very winning things, even if not given by a beautiful girl who will soon be a beautiful woman. But looking out from Esther's innocent eyes, they went down into the bottom of young Dallas's heart. And besides, his nature was not only kind and noble, it was obstinate. Opposition to him, in a thing he thought good to pursue, was like blows of a hammer on a nail, drove the purpose farther in. So he made himself, it is true, very pleasant indeed to his parents at home that night and the next morning. But then he went with Esther after cedar and hemlock branches. And last, what opposition had he hitherto found to his intercourse with the Colonel's daughter? And it must be answered, none. Nevertheless, Pitt felt it in the air, and it had the effect on him that the north wind and cold are said to have upon timber. It was a day of days for Esther. First the delightful roving walk, and cutting the greens, which were bestowed in a cart that attended them. Then the wonderful novelty of dressing the house. Esther had never seen anything of the kind before, which did not hinder her, however, from giving very good help. The hall, the sitting room, the drying room, and even Pitt's particular, out-of-the-way workroom, all were wreathe and adorned and dressed up, each after its manner, for Pitt would not have one place of reputation of another. The bright berries of the winterberry and bittersweet mingled with the dark shade of the evergreens in many ingenious ways, but the crowning triumph of art, perhaps to estercise, was a motto in green letters, picked out with brilliant partridge berries over the end of the sitting room. Peace on earth. Esther stood in delighted admiration before it, also pondering. Pitt, she said at last, those partridge berries ought not to be in it. Why not, said Pitt, in astonishment? I think they said it off-capitally. Oh, so they do. I didn't mean that. They are beautiful, very. But you know what you said about them. What did I say? You said they were poison. Poison? What then, Queen Esther? They won't hurt anybody up there. No partridge will get at them. Oh no, it isn't that, Pitt, but I was thinking. Poison shouldn't be in that message of the angels.  Queen Esther, said he solemnly. Are you going to be that sort of person? What sort of person? One of those whose spirits are attuned to finer issues than their neighbors. They are the stuff that poets are made of. You are not a poet, are you? No indeed, said Esther, laughing. Don't. I think it must be uncomfortable to have to do with a poet. You may notice that in nature the dwellers on the earth have nothing to do with the dwellers in the air. Except to be food for them, said Esther. Ah, well, leaving that, I should never have thought about the partridge berries in that motto. And my mother would never have thought of it. For all that, you are right. What shall we do? Take them down? Oh no, they look so pretty. And besides, I suppose, Pitt, by and by, poison itself will turn to peace. What? Said Pitt? What is that? What can you mean, Queen Esther? Only said Esther a little doubtfully. I was thinking.  The wild beasts will not be wild. And so I suppose poison will not be poison. The wild beasts will not be wild? What will they be, then? Tame, where did you get that idea? It is in the Bible. It is not an idea. Are you sure? Certainly, Mama used to read it to me and tell me about it. Well, you shall show me the play sometime. How do you like it, Mother? This question being addressed to Mrs. Dallas, who appeared in the doorway. You gave great approval. Do you like the effect of the partridge berries, Pitt asked? It is excellent, I think. They brightened it up finally. What would you say if you knew they were poison? That would not make any difference. They do not hurt unless you swallow them, I suppose. Esther finds in them an emblem of the time when the message of peace shall have neutralized all the hurtful things in the world and made them harmless. Mrs. Dallas's eyes felt coldly upon Esther. I do not think the church knows of any such time, she answered, as she turned away. Pitt whistled for some time thereafter in silence. The decorations were finished and most lovely to Esther's eyes. Then, when they were all done, she went home to tea. Forgetting the greens and putting them up had taken both the morning and the afternoon to accomplish. She went home gaily with a brisk step and a merry heart, at the same time thinking busily. Home, in its dull uniformity and stillness, was a contrast after the stir and freshness and prettiness of life in the Dallas's house. It struck Esther rather painfully. The room where she and her father took their supper was pleasant and homely indeed. A bright fire burned on the hearth, or in the grave, rather, and a bright lamp shone on the table. Barker had brought in the tea urn and the business of preparing tea for her father was one that Esther always liked. But, nevertheless, the place approached to nearly a picture of still life. The urn hissed and bubbled, a comfortable sound, and now and then there was a fallen coal or a jet of gas flame in the fire. But I think these things perhaps made the stillness more intense and more noticeable. The colonel sat on his sofa, breaking dry toast into his tea and thoughtfully swallowing it. He said nothing unless to demand another cup, and Esther, though she had a healthy young appetite, could not quite stay the mental longing with the material supplied. Besides, she was pondering something curiously. Papa, she said alas, are you busy? May I ask you something? Yes, my dear, what is it? Papa, what is Christmas? The colonel looked up. What is Christmas? He repeated, it is nothing Esther, nothing at all, a name, nothing more. Then why do people think so much of Christmas? They do not. Sensible people do not think anything of it. Christmas is nothing to me. But Papa, why then does anybody make much of it? Mrs. Dallas has her house all dressed up with greens. You'd better keep away from Mrs. Dallas's. But it looks so pretty, Papa. Is there any harm in it? Harm in what? Dressing the house so? It is all hemlock-grease and cedar branches and bright red berries here and there. And Pitt has put them up so beautifully. You can't think how pretty it all is. Is there any harm in that, Papa? Decidedly, in my judgment. Why do they do it then, Papa? My dear, they have a foolish fancy that it is the time when Christ was born. And so in Romish times a special pulpish mass was said on that day. And from that the 25th of December got its present name, Christ Mass. That is what it is. Then he was not born the 25th of December? No, nor in December at all. Nothing is planer than that spring was the time of our Lord's coming into the world. The shepherds were watching their flocks by night. That could not have been in the depths of winter. It must have been in the spring. Then why don't they have Christmas in springtime? Don't ask me, my dear. I don't know. The thing began in the ages of ignorance, I suppose. And as all it means now is a time of feasting and jollity the dead of winter will do as well as another time. But it is a pulpish observance, my child. It is a pulpish observance. There's no harm in it, Papa, is there? If it means only feasting and jollity, as you say. There is always harm in superstition. This is no more the time of Christ's birth than any other day that you could choose. But there is a superstition about it. And I object to giving a superstitious reverence to what is nothing at all. Reverence the Bible as much as you please. You cannot too much. But do not put any ordinance of man whether it be of the Pope's church or any other on the level with what the Bible commands. The Colonel had finished his toast and was turning to his book again. Pitt has been telling me of the way they keep Christmas in England, Esther went on. The yule log and the games and the songs and the plays. Godless ways, said the Colonel, settling himself to his reading. Godless ways. It is a great deal better in this country that they make nothing of Christmas. No good comes of those things. Esther would disturb her father no more by her words. But she went on pondering, unsatisfied. In any question which put Mrs. Dallas and her father on opposite sides, she had no doubt whatever that her father must be in the right. But it was a pity. For surely in the present case Mrs. Dallas's house had the advantage. The Christmas decorations had been so pretty. The look of them was so bright and festive. The walls she had round her at home were bare and stiff and cold. No doubt her father must be right. But it was a pity. The next day was Christmas day. Pitt, being in attendance on his father and mother, busied with the religious and other observances of the festival, Esther did not see him till the afternoon. Late in the day, however, he came and brought in his hands a large bouquet of hot house flowers. If the two had been alone, Esther would have greeted him and them with very lively demonstrations. As it was, it amused the young man to see the sparkle in her eye and the lips half open for a cry of joy and the sudden flush on her cheek and at the same time the quiet, unexcited demeanor she maintained. Esther rose indeed, but then stood silent and motionless and said not a word, while Pitt paid his compliments to her father. A new fire flashed from her eye when at last he approached her and offered her the flowers. Oh, Pitt! Oh, Pitt! was all Esther with baited breath could stay. The Colonel eyed the bouquet a moment and then turned to his book. He was on his sofa and seemingly gave no further heed to the young people. Oh, Pitt! Where could you get these? The girl's breath was almost taken away. Only one place where I could get them. Don't you know Old MacPherson's Greenhouse? But he don't let people in, I thought, in winter. He let me in. Oh, Pitt! How wonderful! What is this? Now you must tell me all the names. This beautiful white geranium with purple lines. It's a pelargonium. Belongs to the gerinicia. This one they call me Cranthan. It's a beauty, isn't it? This little white blossom is myrtle. Don't you know myrtle? And this geranium? This purple one? That is Napoleon. And this Louise. And this bell. This red magnificence is the metrocyberus. This white flower is... I forget its name. But this, this sweet one, is Daphne. Then here are two he's. Then this thick leaf is Larustenas. And this other with the red bud. Camelia Japonica. Oh, how perfectly beautiful! Exclaimed the delighted child. Oh, how perfectly beautiful! And this yellow flower? Coronia. And this? Is it a red wall flower? A red wall flower. You are right. How lovely! And how sweet! And these blue? These little blue flowers are Lobelia. They are cousins of the cardinal flower. That is Lobelia cardinalis. These are Lobelia erinus. And Lobelia gracilis. He watched the girl for under the surprise and pleasure of his gift her face was itself but a nobler flower. All glowing and flashing and fragrant. With eyes duey with delight she hung over the bouquet almost trembling in her eagerness of joy. She set the flowers carefully in a vase. With tender circumspection lest a leaf might be wrong by chance crowding or inadvertent handling. Pitt watched and read it all. He felt a great compassion for Esther.  There was the girl now on the sofa attending only to his book caring nothing for what was so moving his child. Nobody cared or was anywhere to sympathize with her.  Would it not grow stunted and poor compared with what it might be? He was sorry for his little play-baited friend. And it did the young fellow credit. I think for at his age boys are not want to be tenderly sympathetic towards anything unless it be a beloved mother or sister. Pitt silently watched the putting the flowers in water speculating upon the very unhelpful condition of this little human plant and revolving schemes in his mind. After he had gone Colonel Gainsborough bait Esther show him her flowers. She brought the dish to his sofa. The Colonel reviewed them with a somewhat jealous eye did not seem to perceive their beauty and told her to take them away again. But the next day when Esther was not in the room he examined the collection carefully looking to see if there were anything that looked like contraband Christmas greens. There were some sprigs of laurel and holly that served to make the hues of the bouquet more varied and rich. That, the Colonel did not think of. All he saw was that there were bits of the objectionable Christmas. Colonel Gainsborough carefully pulled them out and threw them in the fire. And nothing, I fear, saved the Larustinas and Japonica from a like fate but their exquisite large blossoms. Esther was not slow to miss the green leaves abstracted from her vase. Pop-up, she said in some bewilderment I think somebody has been at my flowers there is some green gone. I took out some sprigs of laurel and holly, said her father. I cannot have any Christmas decorations here. Oh, Pop-up, pit did not mean them for any such thing. Whether he meant it or not I prefer not to have them there. Esther was silenced but she washed her vase with rather eyes after that time. However, there was no more meddling. The brilliant blossoms were allowed to adorn the place and Esther's life as long as they would or could. She cherished them for the utmost of her knowledge all the rather that pit was gone away again. She gave them fresh water. She trimmed off the unsightly dry leaves and with her blossoms but all would not do. They lasted for a time and then followed their existence and faded. What Esther did then was to fetch a large old book and lay the different sprigs, leaves or flowers carefully among its pages and put them to dry. She loved every leaf of them. They were associated in her mind with all that pleasant interlude of Christmas. Pit's coming. His kindness. They're going after greens together and dressing the house. The bright interlude was passed. Pit had gone back to college and the little girl cherished the faded green things as something belonging to that good time which was gone. She would dry them carefully and keep them always, she thought. A day or two later her father noticed that the vase was empty and asked Esther what she had done with the flowers. They were withered, Papa. They were spoiled. I could not keep them. What did you do with them? Papa, I thought I would try to dry them. Yes, and what did you do with them? Papa, I put them in that old, odd volume of the encyclopedia. Bring it here and let me see. Much wondering and a little discomfited, Esther obeyed. She brought the great book to the side of the sofa and turned over the pages carefully showing the dried and drying leaves. She had a great love to them. What did her father want with them? What do you propose to do with those things when they are dry? They are staining the book. It's an old book, Papa. It is no harm, is it? What are you going to do with them? Are they to remain here permanently? Oh, no, sir. They are only put here to dry. I put a weight on the book. They will be dry soon. And what then? Then I will take them out, Papa. It's an old book. And what will you do with them? I will keep them, sir. What is the use of keeping the flowers after their beauty is gone? I do not think that is worthwhile. Some of their beauty is gone, said Esther, with a certain tenderness for the plants manifested in her manner. But I love them yet, Papa. That is not wise, my child. Why should you love a parcel of dried leaves? Love what is worthy to be loved. I think I would throw them all in the fire. Oh, Papa! That's the best, my dear. They are only rubbish.  It is a poor habit. The Colonel turned his attention again to his book, and perhaps did not even remark how Esther sat with a disconsolate face on the floor looking at her condemned treasures. He would not have understood it if he had seen. In his nature there was no key to the feeling which Noah was driving the tears into Esther's eyes and making her heart swell. Like many men and many women, for the matter of that, Colonel Gainsborough had very little power of association. He would indeed have regarded with sacred reverence anything that it once belonged to his wife, down to her shoe, in that one instance the tension was long enough to make the courts tremble under the lightest touch. In other relations, what did it matter? There were nothing to him. And if Colonel Gainsborough made his own estimate the standard of the worth of things, he only did what I am afraid we all do, more or less. At any rate, this was not one of those finer, strong natures which recognized the possibility of worlds of knowledge and feeling not open to themselves. It is also just possible that he was a sentiment in regard to the flowers enough to be jealous of it. But Esther did not immediately move to obey his order. She sat on the floor with a big book before the open page showing a half-dried blossom of the Mekenthen Geranium which was still, to her eyes, very beautiful. And all the associations of that pleasant Christmas afternoon, when Pitt had brought it and told her what its name was, rose up before her. She was exceedingly unwilling to burn it. The Colonel, perhaps, had a guess that he had given a hard command, for he did not look again at Esther or speak to her, or take any notice of her delay of obedience. That she would obey he knew, and he let her take her time. So he did not see the big tears that filled her eyes, nor the quiet way in which she got rid of them. While the hurt, sorrowful, regretful look on her face would have certainly moved Pitt in a different direction if he had been where he could see it. I am afraid, if the Colonel had seen it, he would have been moved quite in a different way. Not the anger, indeed.  But I think he would privately have applauded the wisdom of his regulation which removed such objects of misplaced sentiment out of the way of doing further harm. But the young woman rushed away her tears softly, swallowed her regrets and unwillingness, and finally rose up, carried her book to the fire, and one by one, turning the leaves, took out her dryened favorites and threw them into the glow and grate. It was done, and she carried the book away and put it in its old place. But a week later it happened that Esther bethought her to open the encyclopedia again to look at the marks her flower had left on the pages. For they had stained the book a little, and here and there she could discern the outline of a sprig, and trace the faint dash of color left behind by the petals of some flower rich in its dyes. If it appears from this that the Colonel was right in checking the feeling which ran to such extremes, I cannot help that. I am reporting the facts. Esther turned over the book from one place that had been heathed, there Cornilla. Here, oh, here was still the wallflower, dried beautifully, delicate and broken and perfect and sweet. There was nothing else left, but here was the wallflower. A great movement of joy filled Esther's heart, then came a doubt. Must this be burned too? Would this one little sprig matter? She had obeyed her father and destroyed all the rest of the bouquet, and this wallflower had been preserved without her knowledge. Since it had been saved, might it not be saved? Esther looked, studied, hesitated, and finally could not make up her mind without further order to destroy this last blossom. She never thought of asking her father's mind about it. The child knew instinctively that he would not understand her. A sorrowful thing for a child to know. It did not occur to her that if he had understood her feeling he would have been still less likely to favor it. She kept the wallflower, took it away from its exposed situation in the encyclopedia, and put it in great safety among her own private possessions. End of chapter 8 Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona Chapter 9 of a Red Wallflower This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen, Gilbert, Arizona A Red Wallflower by Susan Mortier Chapter 9 of Comfort The months were many and long before there came another break in the monotony of Esther's life. The little girl was strone upon her own resources and that is too hard a position for perhaps for any years. She had literally no companion but her father, and it is a stretch of courtesy to give the name to him. Another child would have fled to the kitchen for society, at least to hear human voices. Esther did not. The instincts of a natural high-breeding restrained her, as well as the habits in which she had been brought up. Mrs. Barker waited upon her at night and in the morning, at her dressing and in dressing. The rest of the time she was either alone or in the large orderly room where Colonel Gainsborough lay upon his sofa, and there Esther was rather more alone than anywhere else. The Colonel was reading, reverence obliged her to keep quiet. He drew long breasts of weariness or sadness every now and then, which every time came like a cloud over such sunshine as she had been able to conjure up. And besides all that, notwithstanding the size and the reading, her father always noticed and knew what she was doing. Now it is needless to say that Colonel Gainsborough had forgotten what it was to be a child. He was, therefore, an incompetent critic of a child's doings or judge of a child's wants. He had an impatience for what he called a waste of time, but Esther was hardly old enough to busy herself exclusively with history and geography and the little innocent amusements to which she had recourse stood but a poor chance under his censorship. A waste of time, my daughter, he would say, when he saw Esther busy perhaps with some childish fancy work or reading something from which she promised herself entertainment, but which the Colonel knew promised nothing more. A word from him was enough. Esther would lay down her work or put away the book and then sit in forlorn uncertainty what she should do to make the long hours drag less heavily. History and geography and arithmetic she studied in a sword with her father Gainsborough was not a bad teacher so far as the progress of his scholar was concerned. So far as her pleasure went, the lessons were very far behind those she used to have with Pitt and the recitations were short. Colonel Gainsborough gave his orders as if he were on a campaign and expected to see them fulfilled. Seeing them fulfilled he turned his attention at once to something else. Esther longed for her former friend and instructed with a longing which cannot be put into words. Yet longing is hardly the expression for it. She was not a child to sit and wish for the unattainable. It was rather a deep and aching sense of want. She never forgot him. If Pitt's own mother thought of him more constantly, she was the only person in the world of whom that was true. Pitt sometimes wrote to Colonel Gainsborough and then Esther treasured up every revelation and detail of the letter and added then to what she knew already so as to piece out as full as possible of Pitt's life and doings. But how the child wanted him, missed him, and wept for him. Though of the letter not much, she was not a child given to crying, the harder for her, perhaps. The Dallas's husband and wife were not much seen at this time in the Colonel's quiet house. Mr. Dallas did come sometimes of an evening and sat and talked with its master and he was not refreshing to Esther, not even when the talk ran upon his absent son. For the question had begun to be mooted publicly, whether Pitt should go to England to finish his education. It began to be spoken of in Pitt's letters, too. He supposed it would come to that, he said. His mother and father had set their hearts on Oxford or Cambridge. Colonel Gainsborough hardly approved. It was like a knell of fate to Esther. They were alone together one day, as usual, the father and silence had reigned a long while in the room when Esther broke it. She had been sitting, pouring over a book. Now she looked up with a very burden brow and put her question. Papa, how do people get comfort out of the Bible? A, what, my dear? said the Colonel, rousing his attention. What must one do to get comfort out of the Bible? Comfort, repeated the Colonel, surrounded her. Are you in want of comfort, Esther? I would like to know how to find it, Papa, if it is here. Here, what if you got there? Come where I can see you. Esther drew near unwillingly. It is the Bible, Papa. And what is it you want from the Bible? Comfort? Mama used to say one could get comfort in the Bible, and I wanted to know how. Did she, said the Colonel with great thoughtfulness? But he said no more. Esther waited. Her father's tone had changed. He seemed to have gone back into regions of the past, and to have forgotten her. The minutes ran on without her daring to remind him that her question was still unanswered. The Colonel at last, with a long sigh, took up his book again, then seemed to be thinking, and turned to Esther. My dear, he said, I never could get it there myself, except in a very modified way. Perhaps it is my fault. The subject was disposed of, as far as the Colonel was concerned. Esther could ask him no more. But that evening, when Mrs. Barker was attending upon her, she made one more trial. Barker, do you know the Bible much? The Bible, Mrs. Esther? Yes. Have you read it a great deal? Do you know what is in it? Well, Mrs. Esther, I ain't a heathen. I do read my Bible to be sure, more or less, all my life, so to speak. Which is to say, ever since I could read at all. Did you ever find comfort in it? Comfort, Mrs. Esther? Did I ever find comfort in it? Do you ask? The housekeeper repeated, very much puzzled. Well, I can't just say. Maybe I never was particularly looking for that article when I went to my Bible. I don't remember as I never was and no special want of comfort. Such a should set me to looking for it. That it was when Mrs. died. She said one could find comfort in the Bible, Esther went on, with a tender thrill in the voice that uttered the beloved pronoun. Most likely it so, Mrs. Esther, what my mistress said was sure and certain true. It is something which I have no knowledge of. How do you suppose one could find comfort in the Bible, Parker? How should one look for it? Did, Mrs. Esther, your questions is too hard for me. I'd ask the Colonel if I was you. But I ask you if you can tell me. And that's just which I ain't wise enough for. But when I don't know where a thing is, Mrs. Esther, I always begin at one end and then, if the thingy there, why I knows it, and if it is there, I gets it. It would take a good while, said Esther musingly, to go through the whole Bible from one end to the other. That's which I am thinking, Mrs. Esther. I'm thinking one might forget what one started to look for before one found it. But there, the Bible ain't just like a store closet neither, with all the things ticketed on shelves. I'm thinking a body must do some it besides look in it. What? I don't know, Mrs. Esther. I ain't wise. No sort-of way in such matters. But I was thinking the folks I've seen as took comfort in their Bibles. They was alle saints. Saints? What do you mean by that? That's what they was, said Barker decidedly. They were saints. I never was no saint myself. But I've seen them. I've always had some else on my mind. In my hands, I may say. And one can't attend to more one thing at once in this world. I've always had my bread to get and my mistress to serve. And I've attended to my business and done it. That's which I've done. Couldn't you do that and be a saint, too? There's no one can't be two different people at one at the same time, Mrs. Esther. Which I would say, if there is it ain't me. If this was not conclusive, at least it was unanswerable by Esther and the subject was dropped. Whether Esther pursued the search after comfort, no one knew. Indeed, no one knew she wanted it. The Colonel certainly not. He had taken her question to be merely a speculative one. He did sometimes occur to Barker that her young charge moaked. Or, as she expressed it to Mr. Bounder, she didn't live as a child had a right to. But it was not her business and she had spoken truly. Her business was the thing Mrs. Barker minded exclusively. So Esther went on living alone and working her way, as she could, alone out of all the problems that suggested themselves to her childish mind. What sort of a character would grow up in this way, in such a close mental atmosphere and such absence of all training or guiding processes, was an interesting question which, however, never presented itself before Colonel Gainsborough's mind. That his child was all right, he was sure. Indeed, how could she go wrong? She was her mother's daughter, in the first place, and in the next place, his own. No bless oblige, in more ways than one. And then she saw nobody. That was a great safeguard. The person whom Esther did see, out of her family, or I should say the two persons, sometimes speculated about her, for to them, the subject had a disagreeable practical interest. Mr. Dallas came now and then to sit and have a chat with the Colonel, and more rarely, Mrs. Dallas called for a civil visit of inquiry, impelled there too partly by her son's instances and reminders. She communicated her views to her husband. She is living a dreadful life, for a child, she will be everything that is unnatural and premature. Mr. Dallas made no answer. And I wish she was out of Seaforth, for as we cannot get rid of her, we must send away our own boy. Humpf! said her husband. Are you sure? Is that a certain necessity? Hilderbrand, you would like to have them finish his studies at Oxford, yes, to be sure, but what has that to do with the other thing? You started from that little girl over there. Do you want Pitt to make her his wife? No, with quiet decision. He'll do it, if you do not take all the better care. I don't see that it follows. You do not see it, Hilderbrand, but I do. Trust me. What do you reason from? You won't trust me? Well, the girl will be very handsome. She'll be very handsome and that always turns a young man's head. And then, you see, she is a forlorn child and Pitt has taken it into his head to replace father and mother and be her good genius. I leave you to judge if that is not a dangerous part for him to play. He writes to me every now and then about her. Not very often, but Mrs. Dallas wanted to scare her husband. And so there came to be more and more talk about Pitt's going abroad. And Esther felt as if the one spot of brightness in her sky were closing out forever. If Pitt did go, what would be left? It was a token of the real strength and fine properties of her mental nature that the girl did not, in any true sense, mope in one of comfort she was in sad want of social diversion and cheer for her course of thought and occupation. She suffered from the want, but Esther did not sink into idleness and stagnation. She worked like a beaver, that is, so far as diligence and purpose characterize those singular animals working. She studied resolutely and eagerly the things she had studied with Pitt and which he had charged her to go on with. His influence was a spur to her constantly for he had wished it and he would be coming home by and by for the long vacation and then he would want to see what she had done. Esther was not quite alone so long as she had the thought of Pitt and of that long vacation with her. If he should go to England then indeed it would be loneliness. Now she studied, at any rate, having that spur and she studied things also with which Pitt had no connection. Her Bible, for instance. The girl busied herself with fancy work too, every kind which Mrs. Barker could teach her and her father did not forbid. And in one other pleasure her father was helpful to her Esther had been trying to draw some little things, working eagerly with her pencil and a copy. Absorbed in her endeavors and in the delight of partial success when one day her father came and looked over her shoulder. That was enough. Colonel Gainsborough was a great draftman. The instinct of his art stirred in him. He took Esther's pencil from her hand and showed her how she ought to use it and then went on to make several little studies for her to work at. From that beginning the lessons went forward to the mutual benefit of father and daughter. Esther developed a great aptitude for the art and an enormous zeal. Whatever her father told her it would be good for her to do. In that connection Esther did entirely, ungrudgingly, it was the one exquisite pleasure which each day contained for her. And into it she gathered and poured her whole natural, honest, childlike desire for pleasure.  It hardly made the child less sober outwardly, much to keep her inner life fresh and sound. Pitt this time did not allow it to be supposed that he had forgotten his friends. Once in a while he wrote to Colonel Gainsborough and sent a message or may be included a little note for Esther herself. These messages and notes regarded often her studies, but toward the end of term there began to be mention made of England also in them. And Esther's heart sank very low. What will be left if it was gone to England? End of Chapter 8 Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen Gilbert, Arizona Chapter 10 of A Red Wallflower This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen Gilbert, Arizona A Red Wallflower by Susan Mourner Chapter 10 The Blessing So spring came and the nice summer and the time when the collegiate was expected home. The roses were blossoming and the pinks were sweet in the old-fashioned flower garden in front of the house. And the smell of the hay came from the fields where mowers were busy and the trail of a bobble-nank sounded in the meadow. It was evening when Pitt made his way to the house over to the kernels. And he found Esther sitting in the veranda with all the sweetness about her. The house was old and country-fashioned. The veranda was raised but a step above the ground, low and with slim little pillars to support its growth. And those pillars were all there was between Esther and the flowers. At one side of the house there was a lawn. In front, the space devoted to the flowers was all over the ground bordered by the paling fence and the road. Pitt opened a small gate and came up to the house through an army of balsams, hollyhocks, roses, and honeysuckles, and balm and southern wood. Esther had visioned her feet and with her book in her hand stood awaiting him. Her appearance struck him as in some sense new. She looked pale, he thought, and the mental tension of the moment but it was not merely that. There was a refined ethereal gravity and beauty which it is very unusual to see in a girl of thirteen.  Nevertheless it was there and it struck Pitt not only with a sense of admiration but almost with compassion. For what sort of a part an introverted life could it be which had called forth such a look upon so young a face? No child living among children could ever be like that nor any child living among grown people who took proper care of her unless indeed it were an exceptional case of disease which sets apart from the whole world but Esther was perfectly well. I've been watching for you she said as she gave him her hand and a very lovely smile of welcome. I have been looking for you ever so long. I don't know what made Pitt do it and I do not think he knew. He had never done it before but as he took the hand and met the smile he bent down and pressed his lips to those innocent smiling ones. I suppose it was a very genuine expression of feeling. The fact that he might not know what feeling is nothing to the matter. Esther colored high and looked at him in astonishment. It was a flush that meant pleasure as much as surprise. I came as soon as I could he said oh I knew you would sit down here Pitt Papa is sleeping he had a headache. I am so glad you come. How is the Colonel? He says he's not well I don't know and Queen Esther how are you? Oh I'm well are you sure? Why certainly Pitt what should be the matter with me? There is never anything the matter with me. I should say a little too much thinking said Pitt regarding her. Oh but I have to think said Esther soberly. Not at all necessary nor in my opinion advisable there are other people in the world whose business it is to do the thinking leave it to them you cannot do it besides. Who will do my thinking for me asked Esther with a look and a smile which would have better fitted twice her years a look of wistful inquiry a smile of soft derision I will said Pitt boldly will you? Oh Pitt I would like to ask you something but not now she added immediately another time now tell me about college he did tell her he gave her details of things he told no one else he allowed her to know of his successes which Pitt was too genuinely modest and manly to enlarge upon even to his father and mother but to these childish eyes and this implicit trusting loving innocent spirit he gave the infinite pleasure of knowing what he had secretly enjoyed alone in the depths of his own mind it pleased him to share with Esther as for her her interest and sympathy knew no bounds Pitt however while he was talking about his own doings and affairs was thinking about Esther she had changed somehow that wonderful stage of life where the brook and river meet she had hardly yet reached she was really a little girl still or certainly ought to be what was then this delicate grave spiritual look in the face the thoughtful intelligence the refinement of perception so beyond her years no doubt it was due to her living alone with a somewhat gloomy father and being prematurely thrown upon a woman's needs and a woman's resources Pitt recognized the fact that his own absence might have had something to do with it so long as he had been with her teaching her and making a daily breeze in her still life Esther had been in a measure drawn out of herself and kept from brooding and then beyond all the natural organization of this fine creature was at the rarest strong and delicate at once of large capacities and with correspondingly large requirements April for great enjoyment and open also to keen suffering he could see it in every glance of the big thoughtful eyes and every play of the sensitive lips which had however a trait of steadfastness and grave character along with their sensitiveness Pitt looked and wondered and admired this child's face was taking on already a fascinating power of expression quite beyond her years and that was because the inner life was developing too soon thoughtfulness and tenderness and too early realizing the meaning of life nothing could be more innocent of self-consciousness than Esther she did not even know that it was regarding her with more attention than ordinary or if she knew she took it as quite natural he saw that and so indulged himself what a creature this would be by and by but in the meantime what was to become of her without a mother or a sister or a brother all alone with nobody near who even knew what she needed what would become of her feared but too vivid life not that she would be mentally stunted but that the growth would be to exhaustion or lack the right hardening processes and so be unhealthy the colonel awoke after a while and welcomed his visitor as truly if not as warmly as Esther had done he always had liked young Dallas and now after so long living alone the sight of him was especially grateful Pitt must stay and have tea and the talk between him and the colonel went on unflaggingly Esther said nothing now but Pitt watched her and saw how she listened saw how her eyes accompanied him and her lips gave their silent tokens of understanding meanwhile she poured out tea for the gentleman did it with quiet grace and neatness and was quick to see and attend to any little occasion for hospitable care the old life began again now in good measure Esther had no need to beg Pitt to come often he came constantly he took up her lessons as of old and carried them on vigorously rightly thinking that good sound mental work was wholesome for the child he joined her in drawing and begged the colonel to give him instruction too and they studied the coins in the boxes with fresh zeal and they had glorious walks and most delightful botanizing in the early summer mornings or when the sun had got low in the western sky sometimes Pitt came with a little tax card and took Esther a drive it was all delight I cannot tell which thing gave her most pleasure to study with Pitt or to play with Pitt one was as good as the other and the summer days of that summer were not fuller of fruit ripening sun than of blessed, warm healthy and happy influences for this little human plant her face grew bright and joyous though in moments when the talk took a certain silver tone Pitt could see the light or the shadow he hardly knew which to call it of that too early spiritual insight and activity come over it one day soon after his arrival he asked her what she had been thinking about so much they were sitting on the veranda again in the way of the colonel they were taking up lessons and had just finished an examination in history Pitt let the book fall you said the other day Queen Esther that you were under the necessity of thinking may I ask what you have been thinking about did I say that something like it Esther's face became sober everybody must think I suppose Pitt that is a piece of your innocence a great many people get along quite comfortably without doing any thinking at all one might as well be a squash said Esther greatly I don't see how they can live so some people think too much why I don't know why I am sure it's their nature I suppose what harm Pitt you keep a fire going anywhere and it will burn up the fire is next to it is thought like fire so far it is what were you thinking about Queen Esther I had been wanting to ask you about it Pitt the girl said a little with the air of one who is rousing herself up to give a confidence I was looking for something and I did not know where to find it looking for what I remembered Mama said people could always find comfort in the Bible but I did not know how to look for it comfort Queen Esther said Pitt rousing himself now you were not in one of that article were you after you were gone you know I hadn't anybody left and oh Pitt are you going to England one thing at a time tell me about this extraordinary want of comfort at 12 years old poor Queen Esther why she said casting up to him a pair of such wistful sensitive beautiful eyes that the young man was almost startled people at your age ought to have comfort enough to give away to other people I shouldn't think they could always said Esther Quaintly what is the matter with you Esther looked down a little uneasily she felt that Pitt ought to have known and he did know however he thought it advisable to have things brought out into the full light and put into form hoping they might so be easier dealt with Esther snipped words were hardly consecutive although perfectly intelligible I know of course you cannot stay here always of course but then I shall always be coming back Esther sighed she was thinking that the absences were long and the times of being at home short but what was the use of talking about it that lesson that words do not change the inevitable she had already learned Pitt was concerned where did you say your Highness went to look for comfort in the Bible oh yes that was what I wanted your help about I did not know how to look and Papa said he didn't or I don't know if he said exactly that but it came to the same thing and then I asked Barker was she any wiser no she said her way of finding anything was to begin at one end and go through to the other so I tried that I began at the beginning and I read on but I found nothing until I'll show you she said suddenly breaking off and darting away and in two minutes more she turned over the leaves eagerly here Pitt I came to this now what does it mean she gave him the volume open at the sixth chapter of numbers in the end of which is the prescribed form for the blessing of the children of Israel Pitt read the words to himself the Lord bless thee and keep thee the Lord make his face shine upon me and be gracious unto thee lift up his countenance upon thee and give thee peace Esther waited till she saw he had read them through now Pitt what does that mean which that last the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee and give thee peace what does lift up his countenance upon thee mean what did it mean Pitt asked himself the question for the first time in his life he was quite silent you see said Esther quite late after a pause you see that would be comfort Pitt was still silent do you understand it Pitt understand it Esther he said knitting his brows no nobody could do that except the people that had it but I think I see what it means the people that had it that had what this wonderful thing what wonderful thing Queen Esther you ought to ask your father I can't ask Papa said the little girl if ever I speak to him of comfort he thinks directly of mama I cannot ask him again and I am all your dependents he said half lightly I mustn't depend upon you either only now you are here I thought I would ask you you ought to have a better counselor however perhaps I can tell you what you want to know in part Queen Esther was your mother or your father ever seriously displeased with you Esther reflected a little astonished and then said no I suppose not said Pitt then you don't know by experience what it would be either of them refused to look at you or smile upon you hide their face from you in short why no never you're a happy girl but what has that to do with it nothing to do with it it is the very contrast and opposite in fact don't you see lift up the light of the countenance you know what the light of a smiling loving face of approval is Queen Esther that repeated Esther breathlessly yes I know but this is God yes and I do not understand but that is what it means you don't understand no how should I but that is what it means something that answers to what among us a bright face of love is when it smiles upon us that is light isn't it yes said Esther but how can this be Pitt I cannot tell but that is what it means the Lord make his face to shine upon thee they are very fine words then I suppose said Esther slowly if anybody had that he wouldn't want comfort he wouldn't be without it you mean well I should think he would not the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee and give thee peace but I don't understand Pitt no Queen Esther this is something beyond you and me how can one come to understand Pitt was silent a minute looking down at the words I do not know he said that is a question it is a look of favor and love described here but of course it would not give peace unless the person receiving it knew he had it how that can be I do not see both were silent a little while well said Esther you have given me a great deal of help how oh you have told me what this means said the child hanging over the words which Pitt still held that does not give it to you no but it is a great deal to know what it means said Esther in a tone which Pitt felt a good element of hopefulness in it what are you going to do about it Esther lifted her head and looked at him it was one of those looks which were older than her years far-reaching, spiritual with an intense mixture of pathos and hope in her eyes I shall go on trying to get it she said you know Pitt it is different with you you go out into the world and you have everything you want I am here quite alone End of Chapter 10 Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen Gilbert Arizona Chapter 11 of a Red Wall Flower This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen Gilbert Arizona A Red Wall Flower Susan Warner Chapter 11 Descent The summer months were very rich and pleasure for all parties Even Colonel Gainsborough was a little aroused by the presence of his young friend and came much more than usual out of his reserve so that the conversations around the tea table when Pitt made one of their number were often lively and varied such as Esther had hardly known in her life before The Colonel left off his taciturnity Waked up, as it were told all campaigning stories and gave out stores of information which few people knew he possessed The talks were delightful on subjects natural and scientific historical and local and picturesque Esther luxuriated in the new social life which had blossomed out suddenly at home perhaps with even an intensified keen enjoyment from the fact that it was so transient of blossoming a fact which the child knew and never for a moment forgot The thought was always with her making only more tender and keen the taste of everyday's delights and Pitt made the days full with a mixture of motives perhaps which his own mind did not analyze he devoted himself very much to the lonely little girl she went with him in his walks and in his drives he sat on the veranda with her daily and gave her lessons and almost daily he went into tea afterwards and said that Christopher grew the biggest raspberries in town Pitt professed himself very fond of raspberries and then would come one of those rich talks between him and the Colonel and when Pitt went home afterwards he would reflect with satisfaction that he had given Esther another happy day it was true and he never guessed what a heart aches the little girl went through night after night in anticipation of the days that were coming Pitt had tears about it usually tears might have been more wholesome instead Esther would stand at a window looking out into the moodlet garden or sit on the edge of her bed staring down at the floor with a dry ache at her heart such as we are want to say a young thing like her should not know and indeed only one here and there has a nature deep and fine strong enough to be susceptible of it the intensification of this pain was approaching certainty that Pitt was going to England Esther did not talk of it rarely asked a question nevertheless she heard enough known then to make her sure what was coming and in fact if anything had been wanting to sharpen up Mrs. Dallas's conviction that such a step was necessary it would have been the experience of this summer she wrought upon her husband till himself began to prick up his ears and open his eyes and between them they agreed that Pitt had better go the tables are easier nipped in the bud and this surely was one for Pitt was known to be a persistent fellow if once he took a thing in his head and though Mr. Dallas laughed at the same time he trembled it was resolved that Pitt would make his next term at Oxford the thought was not for a moment to be entertained that all Mr. Dallas's money and all the pretensions properly growing out of it should be wasted on the quite penniless daughter of a retired army officer for in this world the singular rule obtaining is that the more you have the more you want one day Pitt came as he still often did to read with the Colonel more for the pleasure of the thing and for the Colonel's own sake than for any need still existing he found the Colonel alone it was afternoon of a warm day in August and Esther had gone with Mrs. Barker to get blackberries and it was not yet returned the air came in faintly through the open windows little hindered by the blinds which were drawn to moderate the light how do you do sir today the young man asked coming in with something of the moral effect of a breeze this isn't the sort of weather one would like for going on a forlorn hope expedition in such an expedition it doesn't matter much what weather you have said the Colonel and I do not think it matters much to me it's the same in all weathers only that I think I am failing gradually gradually but constantly you do not show it Colonel no perhaps not but I feel it you do not care about hearing me read today perhaps yes I do it distracts me but first there is a word I want to say to you Pitt he did not go on at once to say it and the young man waited respectfully the Colonel sighed his hand over his brow once or twice sighed again you are going to England William they say so sir my father and mother seem to have said their minds on it quite right too there is no place in the world like Oxford or Cambridge for a young man Oxford or Cambridge which William Oxford sir I believe yes that would suit your father's views best how do you expect to get there will you go this year oh yes sir that seems to be the plan my father is possessed with the fear that I may grow to be not enough of an Englishman or too much of an American I don't know which I think you will be a true Englishman yet if you live here permanently you will have to be the other thing too a man owes it to the country of his adoption and I think your father has no thought of returning to England himself none at all sir how will you go you cannot pick passage to England that can be managed easily enough probably I should take passage in a ship bound for Lisbon from there I could make my way somehow to London for it may be mentioned the time was the time of the last American struggle with England early in the century and the high seas were not safe and quiet as now the Colonel sighed again once or twice and repeated that gesture with his hand over his brow I suppose there is no telling how long you will be gone if you once go I cannot come home every vacation said Pitt lightly but since my father and mother have made up their minds to that I must make up mine so you will be gone years said the Colonel thoughtfully years I shall not be here when you return William you are not going to change your habitation sir said the young man though he knew what the other meant well enough not for any other upon earth said the Colonel soberly but I shall not be here William I am failing constantly slowly if you please but constantly I am not as strong as I look and I am far less well than your father believes I should know best and I know I am failing if you remain in England three years or even two years come back I shall not be here I hope you are mistaken I am not mistaken there was silence a few minutes Pitt did not place unqualified trust in this judgment even although as he could not deny the Colonel might be supposed to know best he doubted the truth of the prognostication yet on the other hand he could not be sure that it was false what if it were not false I hope you are mistaken Colonel he said again but if you are right if it should be so as you fear I do not fear it put in the Colonel interrupting him not for yourself but if it should be so what will become of Esther it was of her I wish to speak she will be here here in this house she would be alone I should be away Mrs. Parker Pitt echoed yes Mrs. Parker could take care of the house and of the cooking as she does now but Esther would be entirely alone Colonel I have no one else to leave her with said the Colonel roomily let my mother take charge of her in such a case my mother would take care of her as if Esther were her own let her come to my mother Colonel no said the Colonel quietly that would not be best I do not support Mrs. Dallas's kindness but I shall leave Esther under the care of Parker and her brother Christopher will manage the place and keep everything right outside and Parker will do her part faithfully Esther will be safe enough so for a while she is a child yet but then William I'll take a promise from you if you will give it I will give any promise you like sir what is it I will give any food towards his friend in fact he was entirely out of patience with him what promise do you want Colonel he repeated when you come back from England Will if I am no longer here I want you to ask Esther for a sealed package of papers which I shall leave with her then open the package and the promise I want from you is that you will do according to the wishes you will find there expressed may I not know what those wishes regard sir they will regard all I leave behind me there was in the tone of the Colonel's voice and the manner of utterance of his words something which showed Pitt that further explanations were not to be had from him he hesitated not liking to bind himself to anything in the dark but finally he gave the promise as required he went home however in a doubtful mood he disregarded himself and a very impatient one as concerned the Colonel what ridiculous precise notion was this that had got possession of him how little was he able to comprehend the nature or the needs of his own daughter and what disagreeable office might he have laid upon Pitt in that connection Pitt revolved these things in a fever of impatience with the Colonel who had demanded such a pledge from him and with himself who had given it I have been a fool for once in my life thought he Mr. and Mrs. Dallas were in the sitting room where Pitt went in they had been watching for his return though they took care not to tell him so how's your friend the Colonel today his father asked willing to make sure where his son had been he thinks he is dying Pitt answered and no very good humor he has been thinking that for the last two years do you suppose there is anything in it nothing but megrams he's hipped that's all if he had some work to do that he must do I mean it's my belief he would be a well man today and know it too he honestly thinks he's dying slowly of course but surely pity he ever left the army said Mrs. Dallas he is one of those men who don't bear to be idle that's all humankind said her husband nobody bears to be idle can't do it without running down still said Pitt thoughtfully you cannot tell a man ought to be the best judge of his own feelings and perhaps Colonel Gainsborough is ill as he says what are you going to do about it said his father with a half-sneer nothing only if he should turn out to be right if he should die within a year or two what would become of his little daughter Mr. and Mrs. Dallas exchanged a scarcely perceptible glance send her home to his family and through the former has he a family in England so he says I judge not a small one not parents living has he I believe not but there are Gainsboroughs enough without that whatever meaning come over here some property quarrel I gather though the Colonel never told me in so many words then he might not like to send Esther to them property quarrels are embittering do you know any sort of quarrel that isn't it is impossible to say beforehand what Colonel Gainsborough might like to do he's a fidgety man if there's a thing I hate in the human line it's a fidget you can't reason with him then what would become of that child mother really to die it spoke now with a little anxiety but Mrs. Dallas answered coolly he would make the necessary arrangements but they have no friends here and no relations it would be dreadfully forlorn for her mother if Colonel Gainsborough should die wouldn't it be kind if you were to take her too kind said Mr. Dallas there are such a thing as being too kind Pitt did you never hear of it I do not comprehend sir what objection could there be the child is not a common child she is one that anybody might like to have in the house I should think you and my mother might enjoy it very much especially with me away especially said the elder man dryly well Pitt perhaps you are right but for me there is this serious objection that she is a dissenter a dissenter echoed Pitt in unfaithful astonishment what is a dissenter here in the new country very much the same thing that he is in the old country I suspect and what is that sir who well don't you know narrow underbread and pigheaded and with that disgustingly radical that is what it means to be a dissenter always did mean underbread you cannot find old country or new country a better bred man than colonel Gainesboro and Esther is perfect in her manners I haven't tried her said the other but isn't he pigheaded and isn't he radical thank you they all are they always were from the days of Cromwell and Irriton but the child Esther knows nothing of politic it's in the blood said mr. Dallas stroking unmovable his long whiskers it's in the blood I'll have no dissenters in my house it is fixed in the blood and will not wash out I don't believe she knows what a dissenter means your father is quite right put in mrs. Dallas I should not like a dissenter in my family I should not know how to get on with her in chance social intercourse it does not so much matter though I feel the difference even there in my family it is always best for like to keep to like but these are only differences of form mother do you think so said mrs. Dallas drawing up her handsome person I believe in form pit for my part and when you get to England you will find that it is only the nobodies who dispense with it but the church is more than form I should think you'll find the Archbishop of Canterbury is something besides a form is our liturgy a form pit escape from the discussion half angry and half amused but seriously concerned about Esther and meanwhile Esther was having her own thoughts she had come home from her black bearing late after pit had gone home and a little further on in the afternoon she had followed him to get her daily lesson as the weather was warm all windows were standing open and the talkers within the house being somewhat eager and preoccupied in their minds did not moderate their voices nor pay an attention to what might be going on outside and so it happened that Esther's light step was not heard as it came past the windows and it followed very easily that one or two half sentences came to her ear she heard her own name which drew her attention and then Mr. Dallas's declaration that he would have no dissenters in his house Esther paused not certainly to listen but with a sudden checkerizing from something in the tone of the words as she stood still in doubt whether to go forward or not a word or two more were spoken and also heard and with that Esther turned short about left all thought of her lesson and made her way home walking rather faster than she had come she laid off her hat went into the room where her father was and sat down in the window with a book home again Esther said he you have not been long away no papa did you have your lesson no papa why not it was talking to somebody the colonel made no further remark and the room was very still for a while until after an hour or more the colonel's book went down and then Esther from her window spoke again papa if you please what is a dissenter a what demanded the colonel browsing himself a dissenter papa what do you know about dissenters nothing papa what is it what makes you ask I heard the word papa and I didn't know what it meant there is no need you should know what it means a dissenter is one who dissents from what sir from something that other people believe in but papa according to that then everybody is a dissenter and that is not true is it what has put the question into your head I heard somebody speaking of dissenters whom Mrs. Dallas ah the colonel smiled grimly she might be speaking of you and me Esther knew that to have been the fact but she did not say so she only asked what do we dissent from papa we dissent from the notion that farm is more than substance and the colonel less valuable than the shell this told Esther nothing she was mystified at the same time her respect for her father did not allow her to press further a question he seemed to avoid is pit a dissenter papa there is no need you should trouble your head with the question of dissent my child in England there is an established church all who declined to come into it are there called dissenters does it tire you to have me ask questions papa no who established the church there the government what for wanted to rule men's consciences as well as their bodies but a government cannot do that papa they have tried Esther tried by fire and sword and cruelty and persecution by fines and imprisonments and disqualifications some submitted but a goodly number dissented and our family has always belonged to that honorable number see you do it no discredit the Gainsborough's were always independents we fought with Cromwell and suffered under their stewards we have an unbroken record of striving for the right keep to your traditions my dear but why should a government wish to rule people's consciences papa power my dear as long as men's minds are free there is something where power does not reach I should think everybody would like dissenters papa was Esther's simple conclusion Mrs. Dallas doesn't said the Colonel Grimly End of Chapter 11 Recording by Nancy Cochran-Gergen Gilbert, Arizona


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