I think I was about eight, just over eight stone ringing wet, and I wanted to be a parer. The greatest British type Wando team ever, and proud to say I was a member of it twice. He was classed as the best ever Thai boxer of his era, and the bar owner, crazy woman, pulled a gun on him. Dave, how are you, mate? Great, mate. Thanks for having me on the podcast. Ah, that's my absolute pleasure. Yeah, I'm enthralled to be here. Good, that's what we like. I'm trying to think who we've got to thank for putting us in touch. I'm sorry, folks at home. I honestly get so many messages a day, I can't remember. Ronny, rocket Ronny. Ah, yes, of course. I made it wrong in Thailand. Yes, thank you. Fantastic blow. Very nice blow, yeah. Dave, let's start off. You've been in the wars a little bit recently. Yes, yeah. So it all started, Chris, I'll let you and the followers know. It all started when COVID hit Thailand. I was living in Thailand, I was there 21 years, had a great life, and then suddenly COVID hit and it wiped out my business. I had no clients left because I was doing photography, I was doing photo shoots, I was blogging, you know, I had a website so people with bars and restaurants would advertise on that and it all dried up. As soon as COVID hit, it was a nightmare and I had to get out fast. So my family said, get out now. And I just got on, my friend bought me a flight and I was out of there. Sadly, but that's the way it goes. That was April 2020. And then I got back to England and I was just starting to get used to, well, that's my Thailand adventure over. Now I'm back in England, I was just getting used to England again after we got out of the lockdown. And then I had the AstraZeneca vaccine and I got a horrendous fever from that, horrendous. It lasted three weeks, Chris. My left foot swelled up, it came up like a balloon. My sister looked at it, she just said, she went ballistic. She just went 999 ambulance, I was rushed into hospital, Peterborough City Hospital. They attempted, before operations, to try and save my foot. And in the end, I lost my leg. Gosh, that's, it's hard to give that the magnitude it deserves. You know, over the internet, isn't it? What you've just been through is it would be most people's worst nightmares. Four operations, 10 weeks in hospital. I'm out now. I'm guessing the medical community are never going to consider the fact that it might have been due to this procedure. Yeah, basically they just said very hard to prove. Hard for it to be connected, but come on, there's nothing wrong with me. I had doctors that balanced my diabetes. I was on oral medication, they got it right. There was nothing wrong with me, there's nothing wrong. I do admit that I had three toes on the left that had been amputated in Thailand. I do admit that, but they had fully healed. This was over five years ago, Chris. And they were fully healed. There wasn't anything wrong with me, as far as I know. And if it wasn't the vaccine, then how do you explain this horrendous fever that lasted three weeks, man? I thought I was nearly dying. That's what, you know, I was just unlucky. That's all. Yeah, it's... But up until this, Chris, I'd just like to say for all your followers, I've had a fantastic life up until this, really, which we no doubt will explore, mate, won't we? Yeah, well, let's talk about that. And I just wish you well with all the other... Thanks, Chris. All the other stuff. You're obviously putting a very robust face on it, which is all we can do in such situations. Yeah, but that's me, Chris, and you'll find out why when you learn a bit more about me. Yes. How did you get into the martial arts? Right, yeah. I'm a small town boy. My mum and dad didn't have much money. I was bullied as a kid. So I wasn't anything special at all. I was quite timid. Even you wouldn't think so.  My teacher said, he seems a bit withdrawn. But then basically what happened, I said to mum, I said, mum, I'm fed up with the Boy Scouts. I said, I can't stand the leader and he wants to throw my mate out. I want to leave. So she said, OK, what do you want to do? I said, well, let's go to the YMCA because it's an open day. I had no idea what was there, but I thought my mate said, join the YMCA. Why don't you join the YMCA day? So we went to the YMCA and there was a Taekwondo class. And I said, mum, I was 13. I said, mum, that's what I want to do. That is definitely what I want to do. She said, well, only if you're sure. Because I've got a pay for it. I said, oh, yeah. And Chris, I must say, it was the only thing I'd done in my life so far that I was a total natural. Because I had the physique. I was extremely supple. I was like rubber, mate. So I was lucky. I was a born natural. Took to it like a duck to water, mate. A bit like me, mate, really. Because I go Taekwondo twice a week. Oh. And as you can obviously see, I've got the looks. I've got the body. And I watched my son. Well, I watched my son train. I was so supple. I could do what I call the banana splits because they put me heels on two chairs. It's like a massive curve. I was so supple, it was a joke. So I had natural ability. I was very, very driven because I used to mess about doing kung fu in the back garden with my cousin, even since the age of about 10 or 11, playing around. And basically Bruce Lee. It all started standing from Bruce Lee. Because of course, we were too young in those days. You couldn't go to see the films. But I had a wonderful uncle. He used to tell me all about Bruce Lee. He used to buy me every book, every magazine, every poster. And I wanted to be Bruce Lee, basically. I wanted to be like Bruce Lee. So I started Taekwondo and did very well at it. Chris had become a career. I, my instructors, they're so exceptional. Let's put him in the tournament. Put me in a national British full contact. All styles, championship. And I was young, really, as very young, but they sneak me in the men's division. And I won it. Quest for the champions, that was. Bruce Lee was some string of English and British titles. And then I did have a brief spell, tried to join the British Army. So I had this crazy idea at 18. I think I was about eight, just over eight stone ringing wet. And I wanted to be a para. I don't know why, Chris, but I just got it in my mind, in my tiny mind. I wanted to be a para. But I, you know, disillusioned a bit in the end. And I had to go. I failed a back squatty three times, failed P company three times. I wanted a fourth go on this tournament. I thought I was a bit of a psycho. I said, you failed three times. I wanted another go. But they stopped me. So I came out, but look at it. Well, I came out just before. Kip Falklands War kicked off in 1992. And then I went to Italy with a group of people called the United Kingdom Taekwondo Association under the great leadership of Dave Oliver. If anyone knows the name Dave Oliver, my God, my most successful English British coach ever. The greatest British Taekwondo team ever. And proud to say I was a member of it twice. So we went to the European Championships, won that. And then in 1984, we beat the greatest ever, the undisputed USA super team. They were Waco and PKA, which is professional kickboxing association, undisputed world champions. And they got a big shot because we beat them. So the Taekwondo Association, Great Britain, England team beat them. I was lucky to make that team because the lightweight, the number one was Ron, a man called Ron Sergue, a good friend of mine, but he was injured. He had a bad knee injury. So they called upon me as the number two. And luckily we all won. So there's a bit of an intro that got into the martial arts. Chris. Yeah, what's it like then when you're going to go in for a scrap? I think, are you terrified? Are you calm? How do you build yourself up for that? Well, I don't know, but ever since, I think it was just because when I went in to Taekwondo, also actually reminding me, when I was very young, I got a very, I'd went to see him the other month, my boxing coach, Lesnat, bless his, he's 96 now. And he started teaching me boxing from a young age, you see? So I was learning to box as well as Taekwondo. And now I didn't really fear it because I think it was just my mindset. It was just me. And I think, like I say, Chris, to be honest, I was lucky that I was so naturally talented. I was very, I was very gifted naturally. And so that helped out. So no, not really. In fact, I'll tell you at that tournament, I think of this, I could see this, my opponent looking at me and sort of sneering with his coach. Yeah, look at him. He's only a brown belt because he was a black belt. And he looks young and skinny. And I whacked him as hard as I could with a straight punch in the solar plexus and knocked him out in the first round. But it was less than a minute of the fight. So it was definitely something there, Chris. Yeah. I'll tell you what, Dave, I'm just going to say now, like you, Chris, you went on to be Royal Marine, which I have great respect for.  And I think that's happened to me. I found my calling in life. Some people, sadly, maybe don't. They don't reach their full potential because they did not find the thing that is suits them the most. Yeah, writing was the thing that suited me the most. I didn't find that until I was 38, I think. No, no, but there you go, you see. Yeah. I'll run to say something there, Chris. I was completely useless at school. At sports. Oh, my God, the teacher. I think he wanted to give me an F. I think I got an E or something. You know, I got really bad grades in sport because it didn't interest me. I wasn't interested in football. I didn't like football at all. And I used to get kicked off the field and told to go and do a run because I tried to kick someone in the head. We wanted to become food ticks. I tried to kick him in the head or something. I was a bit of a nightmare at school, but I went on to become world champion. How does that happen then? How do you become world champion? Yeah, I think, well, in the martial arts, it's to say we were lucky because in the UKTA and TAGB, these associations under the great leadership of Dave Oliver and Bob Howe, they're always looking for talent. My instructor, bless him, Malcolm, he took me to Leicester. Leicester 1CA. That's where we met the world champion, Ron Sergue. We started training there. And he sort of put me forward. He said, this is my best lad. This is Dave. And he sort of said, wow, yeah, he's really, he looks really good. He's international material. So they had already, then he talked to the head coach and that's how I got spotted, I think. And I started then going, I had a very good instructor. He's very proactive. He tried me everywhere. Take me to squad training, England squad training. I got into it. Yeah. And that's how you progress. And then of course, your big chance comes up one day when you get selected for the England team. It's like going through selection with the forces. You know, you've got to be in it to win it. You know, you've got to go for it. Yeah. Actually, on the note of the Royal Marines, I want to say that I followed for 1984 incidentally. I followed the Royal Marines fitness course. There was a book that they bought. And I did that because we had to be super fit because the USA super team were, well, they were undisputed. The best kickboxing team in the world. So we knew I knew it wasn't any messing around. Well, these guys. So I trained professionally. Six days a week, hours, several hours a day, I'd be training. I'd do the Royal remains fitness in the gym. I'd start the day with my running coach. A 10 mile run, road run in the morning. We could do that in 50 to 55 minutes, which is not bad considering not runners really. It was just part of my training.  I've got all the gym work to do then. That's when I'd start on the Royal Marines course. And then after a break and the tea and everything, I've got to do my training at night. Super fit. Actually super fit. As you well know, Chris, if you follow the Royal Marines, you're going to be very fit. Yeah, I can't say I was ever that to be honest. I didn't get fit until I was... You must have been made because you made it and they're the elite. Wow. I'm a big fan of the British forces, all of them. And I think they're marvelous. I think the British soldier, whether he's a Royal Marine, a parachute regiment soldier, or SAS or SP, they're the best in the world. And they taught the world how to soldier.  They've got all the expensive kit. But a basic soldier, I was trained by Peter McEliz. He trained me in unarmed combat. So I've done CQB with him. And I don't think there's finer soldiers in the world. But there's a lot of people. I know it's a big argument. US Navy SEALs, they're the best. SEAL Team 6, they're the best in the world. But who taught the world how to be a special forces soldier? None other than the British SS. I'm very proud to say that I'm a friend of not only Peter McEliz of work with him, but Rusty Furman, the legend, absolute legend, the hero of the Iranian Embassy siege in 1980, who led the assault. Wonderful man. Yes. I just want to say, Chris, before I ramble on too much, but just say big shout out for everyone, anybody who served, ladies or gentlemen who served for the British Armed Services. Well done. Thank you for your service. Yeah, well, let's just say I don't think the veteran service is over just yet, mate. But that's another conversation. I've got to talk about more interesting stuff. Yeah, let's talk about Bangkok and... Now we're talking, mate. Yeah. What a fascinating place. Well, I'd say it all stemmed, Chris, from a good friend of mine, because I started to branch out in martial arts. So from Taekwondo to boxing, then Thai boxing. That's how the Thailand connection came. And my friend lived there, and he said, Dave, you'd love Thailand. He said, why don't you come over? You know, you can work on your Thai boxing with the real world champions, and you'll love it over here. You'll absolutely love it in Thailand. So that's exactly what I did. I had a local company to sponsor me to go to train on one of the top Thai boxing camps, which is called Sit Yod Tong Payakuru. Sit Yod Tong Camp. And it's near Pattaya City, which many people know the seaside town. I call it So-O-On-Sea. There's more birds there than anywhere else in Thailand. But yeah, so this camp was just in a little village just outside there. That was amazing, because my training partner was none other than Samat Payakuru, who is anyone who knows Thai boxing will know that name. He was classed as the best ever Thai boxer of his era, and he won a world boxing title on top of that. Absolutely amazing guy. And that, Chris, is the sort of level that I trained with.  From Bangkok? Yeah, I was just saying, look at the shape of my nose. You've got to be very careful, because I want to say this for warning. It doesn't matter. I knew some American lads. They were huge, big, big lads, really big, huge. Tall, big bodybuilders. But you get 10 ties around you, all talled up, mate.  The ties don't fight fair. And if they think you're a bit of a threat, well, they'll just have five of them or 10 of them waiting for you. I know, because I used to be a bar manager over there. Which bar did you manage? Yeah, that's a great, great, great time. There's a place in Bangkok called Na Na Plaza. And I was very lucky to run one of the best for many years, six years around Hollywood. It was on the top floor of Na Na Plaza. And then after that, I left. There was a fantastic, many people say, the best ever show bar is ever in Thailand. We've won awards and everything. Angel Witch Rock Dancers. Angel Witch Rock Dancers. Absolutely fantastic club. Well, three years in a row, they won Best Goga Bar in Bangkok. They won the award. And Patia, devoted by the US Navy, Best Club in Patia. Great honours. They've got the awards behind it. But I can't take all the credit. Just a manager. The owners were ingenious. But ironically, it was a German man and a Thai lady boy. And she was full sex change. But she was extremely creative with the stage shows. And all of their shows were unique. And guess what happened one day? One of my friends said, Dave, you've got to get down and get down here now. I said, what's up? What's going on? He said, you'll never believe it. He's just walked into one of our bars. Steve Tyler from Aerosmith. I said, you're joking. He said, no, get down here now. So I had a plan that I'll put into operation. And I said, hello, Steve. And he said, you may, man. You can call me what you want. You may, man. And I said, I'd like to introduce you to Angel Witch, where we're going to perform a show for you to your song, Dream On. And he said, yeah, man, that sounds great. Let's do it. So there I am sitting with Steve Tyler in Angel Witch. And I get my top girl to do the show, which, of course, was already in the show repertoire. So it was a choreographed show. He loved it. He said, that was fantastic, man. He absolutely loved it. What a super guy he is. He loves his fans. He just looked, he's really, really an amazing guy. I tell you, he just went to the toilet and the bodyguard was right next to him. And he walked out. He goes, hey, Dave, what's through there? And I said, that's the girl's changing. He's like, pull the curtains over and just dive in. That was Steve Tyler. Amazing guy, really amazing. That's just one of many stories, Chris. Yeah, it's an amazing place. But the top people go there, of course. I had a very good friend called Dave Walker. Now he served with the British Army. I don't know, sorry, what regiment? But he served in Northern Ireland. Although he was Canadian, he joined the British Army and served in Northern Ireland. He was a fantastic guy, Dave. He went on to be a journalist.  He used to bring all the famous guys to it and one day, I couldn't believe who walked out. I thought there was some kind of raid. I said, what's going on here? Who are these people? There's an entourage of events. I think eight time and serious looking guys. And I thought, well, that's a security team. That can't be police or is it army? Well, is this some kind of raid? And then they walked with Stephen Seagal, the Hollywood movie star. And you're not going to believe it, Chris, that guess what bar I worked in? Guess what it was called? Hollywood. I'm not joking. It's on the top floor. It's called Hollywood. Yeah, that was the truth.  I was silent. I'm like, I couldn't speak. Stephen Seagal. Well, that was impressive. But the best one I ever met was definitely Steve Tyler, because I made it all happen. And we did the show for him to his song. Yeah, but met a few. Yeah. And the same guy again, Dave, he said, you're never going to guess who's just walked into your bag. I guess go on. Who is it this time? He said, it's Oliver Stone. I said, what the Hollywood movie director? He said, yeah, they're doing a movie in town. And the guy with him was very, a very, very nice guy, very humble. And we're still friends to this day. And that was the former world light middleweight boxing champion, Gary stretch. And he has absolutely lovely bloat. And he was one of the only people to ever beat Chris Eubanks. He's a wonderful lad, Chris, the wonderful lad. But Gary is my boy. Yeah. And one day he surprised me and my boss. He walks in with his hold or drops it on the floor. And I thought, what's going on here? And he said to me and my boss, he said, I've got something to show you, lads. And he pulled those right down for size, Dave. And he gave me the WBC belt, the world title belt. Yeah, amazing guy, Gary. Lovely, lovely lad. They're just a few stories there, Chris. We want to hear about some fights. So, mate, come on. What scraps did you see and who got hurt? Right. I think actually you'd be a little bit surprised. But mostly people are going over to Thailand. They're having such a great time. You don't really see so much trouble. And especially now they've got professional security teams on the front of Nanoplasa. Really good. They're really good. They check bags when they come in. They're security checks. They check girls, the girls that come in. They check their IDs of age. They've got to be at least 18 to work in a bar. It's all very good now, I must say. They might even stop you and say, and look in your bag. Make sure they're not bringing any weapons in or drugs or anything. It's very, very good now. So, you know, people, I think it's not like the... But when I first started, Chris, my God, it was like the whole West. I know a bar owner. He went to one bar. This is how bad it used to be years ago. And he said, I'm going to this bar. I'm going to try to get some girls. You know, we just didn't say anything then. We thought, well, this is not going to end very well. And he's sitting around. He's buying them all drinks. He starts handing out his name card, which is something you don't do. I mean, sort of other gentlemen's agreement. You don't go handing your name card out to the girls. That's deliberately poaching them. You're trying to steal the girls. And he gets this jab in his ribs. Yeah. And the bar owner, crazy woman, pulled a gun on him. She shoved a barrel in his ribs. She said, I wouldn't do that if I were you. That's what it was like. It was like the whole West, man. Yeah. I'll tell you a story. Not so much fights. There's a crazy policeman. And his name is Toon. So we're calling Toon the loon. I call him Toon the loon. Oh my God. We're in the downstairs bar. It used to be rough and ready in those days. And there was rats running around. And he'd go, boom, man. He was a terrible shot. He missed the rat completely. He was ducking and diving from British face. Crazy. That's Toon the loon. Let's see his gun off in the bar. Trying to shoot the rats. That's complete nutters. But you're talking about Pat Pong. Well, one of my friends was down there. And what they did, you've got to be careful. Because they say it's a bit like Soho. You've got to think Soho. They go, oh, we have a special show for you, sir. Yeah. I think it's going to cost you a lot of money.  Like they used to do in Soho. My friend said, no way. I ain't paying it. And he got the guy by the scruff of the neck. But the guy stuck a gun in his face. I mean, I don't, I don't mess about in them days. But I must say now, it's, it's a lot better. It's not, you know, there's not really so many good. There's not really so many. No, no, we're near as many guns now. They just get arrested. Yeah. Yeah. But not, you wouldn't, you wouldn't actually, not so, so many projects. Just to think people are just, you know, you're generally having too good a time, you know. But the tie lads do not mess around. And they will, they will win the war. They will, they will win it. You know, if, if they think, well, there's a, there's a few of these lads and they're quite big. Well, they'll double or treble the numbers to beat you. They'll get a gang of 10 on to you. Or yeah, they will win. They will win the battle. I'll tell you.  It was all that ban now. There was a massive clamp down and not so much now.  It was when it all started really when Prime Minister taxing came in. And he wanted to clean everything up and everything. But I think in a way it's better because it's more regulated now. You know, for example, the girls have to be of age. They've got to be checked. It's not degrading shows like they used to do in Pat Bong. I mean, yeah, it's cleaned up a lot. Yeah. Taxing divided the country, though, didn't he? Taxing Shinawa? Yeah, he was very loved by the working class Thais, though. He won them over. But I don't get, I don't do politics really, Chris. I don't like to get into it. But the big people in Bangkok didn't like him. Yeah, so that's why he was ousted. Yeah. Yeah. He owned a telecommunications company. But a lot of the emphasis has gone away from the bars now. But you can still have a fantastic time in Thailand. They're lovely people. They really are.  Phuket and Koh Samui, Koh Pee Pee, Koh Banyang. Absolutely beautiful. Yeah. And so what's in the future for you, Dave? Because obviously life's changed a wee bit now. Hopefully not too much. It takes a lot, mate. But I'm the sort of person. I don't, you know, I used to tell them in the hospital, I don't do self-pity. I just get on with life. I'm still got a life to lead. But I'm very lucky that, you know, the Taekwondo Association were in the GT UK, the global Taekwondo UK, under Grandmaster Roy Oldham. And I've known him. He's like my big brother I never had. Fantastic guy.  And he said, yeah, I want you back, Dave. And I made a start. I do their social media. And one skill I did learn in Thailand, because I was trained by some professionals. It was how to be a photographer. But I got to say, Chris, a lot more interesting and lovely subjects to photograph in Thailand. That I'm going to have here, mate. Amazing experience in Thailand. You made the most of life though. And I have, as I say, I'm lucky. I think the world of me over in the GT UK. So I can't wait to get, and you don't know I've seen some amazing guys, ex-forces, amputees do some amazing stuff. And I wasn't world champion for nothing. I don't give up. You know, I'll get, I'll go back into it. But I just don't know to what degree, Chris, how long it will take. It's a process. I always believe what got me through this really is to say to people is what I call PMA. Just have a positive mental attitude. And it will, it's remarkable what it will do. It will get you through things. Absolutely. And that's clear to see. So, David, wish you all the best. I love talking about Thailand, here in Thailand, Thai stories. Yeah, it's been, you know, it's been a good podcast. And maybe we do another one, then we could talk more about my stories about Peter Macalese. Save it for another time. Yes. Yes, Peter's been a... I want to try to write a book about it, actually. Bangkok. Some are obviously my memoirs, but warnings to people what to do and what not to do. Yeah, but I had a fantastic time there. There's a guy, unfortunately, many of us were forced to leave Thailand. And a guy called Stickman. And he's got a fantastic website called StickmanBangkok.com. And one of the best compliments I've ever had. He missed a Nanna. That's amazing to be named after a place. Oh, God. Let alone named after a bar. I was named after the complex Nanna entertainment plaza. Amazing. His last tribute to me was when I had to leave, forced to leave Thailand, because I did know a lot of people. I blogged about it. I had my own website. I was sort of like an ambassador for the place. So it was by Mr Nanna. Nice tribute. Brilliant. My life now is here, Chris. Like you, mate. I'm in City Street and I'm back in England. But I want to finish by saying that the National Health Service is marvelous in this country. Yes, we have to protect it from Mr Branson.  Do you know why they privatise companies? No. It's so they can sneak off all the technology, you know, so they can get dabs. What I'm trying to say is from a patient's perspective, I've been through it. I've been through the meal, mate. I had four operations. Ten weeks.  They're doctors and nurses. Yeah, we've got to protect the NHS at all costs. And that's not happening at the moment, you know? So I just wanted to say, Chris, a big shout out for the National Health Service and the British forces. Still the best in the world. Yes.  You know. Yeah, you've just named two professions, though, that need to start speaking up a bit. Because there's only so much you can keep quiet about before you're not really respected and you're not doing the country any favours. And fortunately, that's starting to happen and massive big up to this nurse. I don't know her name, but she's been on the AJ Roberts show and she's telling the truth about what's going on in the NHS and we need to see more of it because, you know, if you want to be a... You want to be a... It's been a great privilege for me to be on your podcast. Thanks very much, mate. Yeah, no problem. No problem. And I highly respect you for your service. Seven years with the Royal Marines, mate. I'd respect me more for my service now, mate, if I was you. Because, you know, there is a struggle on... Four or two now, Chris.  I'll just be on holiday. I'll be a tourist. I can enjoy myself doing time. And not only that, I'll take some beautiful photos and do a bit more travelling, see which one country which I haven't visited yet say is absolutely stunning is Vietnam. A lot of people talking about Vietnam now. People are fantastic, they're lovely and it's a beautiful picturesque place here. So I would have to say, Chris, I think that's about it. Time's up, isn't it? Yeah. It's been a long podcast and thank you very much for hosting me. Great honour for me. No problem. Just look after yourself. Yeah, maybe in another chat we'll talk about my times with people like Peter Macalese. And my friendship with Rusty Furman. Another essayist legend. Yeah. A few stories. Thanks very much, Chris. Yes. My pleasure. Just look after yourself, Dave, won't you? And I should just say to... I'll be all right. Yeah. I must stop by there. You will be all right. I can see that. Friends at home. Yeah. Friends at home. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have. If you can like and subscribe, that would be wonderful. And see you all soon. Thank you.


Now I am a member of the U.S. Senate Committee on the Environment, and in that capacity I have talked to scientists all over this country and all over the world. Now I recognize that all of the scientists who have studied this issue for decades are not quite as smart as Donald Trump. I got that. Because I know that Donald Trump, after years of intensive study, has concluded that there is no drought in California.  See now, I was not shocked to hear that Trump thought climate change was a hoax. That's what most Republicans think. Pretty pathetic, but that is what they think. But what I was surprised about is he thought it was a hoax perpetrated on our country by the Chinese. See and I thought he would have believed it was a hoax created by the Mexicans or the Muslims. Why the Chinese? Because I don't know. But in any case, despite Donald Trump's profound thought on this issue, what virtually the entire scientific community understands is climate change is real. Climate change is caused by human activity. Climate change is already causing devastating problems, as you well know in California, here in this country and all over the world. And here is what is really scary, and we had better listen to them. What the scientists are also telling us, if we do not get our act together boldly and in the very short future, what we're going to be seeing is more drought, more flooding, more extreme weather disturbances, more acidification of the ocean, more rising sea levels, and more international conflict as people around the world fight over limited natural resources. We have a moral responsibility as custodians of this planet to make sure that we leave this planet in a way that is healthy for our kids.


apples and tiaras. So this is gonna be a very different video than you're used to on this channel. I have a special guest with me today. This is Mr. Valdes. I'm supposed to be Mr. Tiaras. Mr. Apples and Tiaras. Mr. Apples and Tiaras. This is Scott, everyone, my husband, Scott. We are really, really weird and we like watching nicocato, avocado, eat noodles. I don't know why we enjoy watching it, but maybe it's just because we enjoy watching him suffer. Yeah. So anyway, nicocato, avocado inspired us to do the spicy Korean noodle challenge. So we have two packs of the Samyang spicy Korean chicken, hot chicken flavored ramen. Are they Korean? Yeah, they're supposed to be Korean. Don't they have like the hot, who has the hottest shoes? I thought it was a tie. I don't know. Anyway, so we're gonna attempt to eat all of these. They're pretty spicy. Well, we haven't tasted it, but they smell spicy. We do have some mozzarella cheese here, some butter, water, and ice cream. I don't know why she has butter. Because he puts butter on his, and he says that it makes it not as hot. I don't think anything's enough to make this not hot, so. I'm gonna start with a small bite. Oh, it's hot. Yeah, and it's also temperature hot. I feel like we should eat. Cool. Why don't we have a mustache? Our lips are gonna be this big and swollen red when we're done.  We have to die, because that's part of this challenge. In Nicaragua, he would love this. Okay, you're taking that big of a bite? I'm gonna try. Okay, ready? One, two, three. It's really good, but it is spicy. It's that throat, like, aside from the heat. They're really flavorful. Good flavor. I don't know if I can do this with chopsticks. It's gonna be hot. Hey, we have seven people watching on Facebook. Your mom says breathe. Oh, that's hot. I'm gonna knock him. You wanna knock him? Your lips are like orange.  It doesn't help that my ice is melted. Oh, my tongue is numb. Yeah. Is your tongue numb, too? Yeah, just keep going. Okay. Bellies are gonna hurt so bad after this. Yeah. Is that your belly? I haven't even had any water yet. No. I think these chopsticks are like... I think it enhances it if you drink water. Do you want me to add cheese? No. We're just gonna do this. Faster you do it, the worse it burns, the less it burns, I think. I gotta keep my man car. Just going. We got these noodles from China. Oh, you know what, though? They're really good flavor. I want none of your cheese. Come on, help me. Nicole, bet you're gonna tap out first. Oh, yeah? It's taking compared to mine. You have to. You want to finish it, right? And it's with spaghetti. It literally feels like your mouth is in oven. Oh, I think I'm crying a little. It's okay, we got this. Yeah, they are really good. Like, the flavor is really good if it wasn't so spicy. And I think Nika Kava Wato Kato... It's five packs of them. Was sitting there crying. You know about that guy. He had two packs, remember? Oh, and his first one, yeah, but now it's like no problem. Yeah. I guess if you eat them that many times, you'll get used to it. Man, we almost killed this thing, though. You almost killed it. This is delicious. I know he was running. Nicole, your turn. It's your turn, Nicole. I'm sweating. My nose is running. I think my eyelids are running.  Yeah. I think my eyelids are running, it seems like.  Like, it literally burns.  Ice cream. Ice cream. Ugh. Oh, I can breathe just fine. My nose is clear. We almost did it. We're gonna finish it up. It's on fire. I wonder how long it's gonna take for this... I don't know if it's as bad as OC spray, though.  I don't think it's as bad as OC spray. No. In your eye. Not in your eye. That's made out of the same chili.  What are you giving me this for? It's cooling it down. These are the noodles. They're from Korea. What's giving me cholesterol? There's 530 calories in one bag. In cholesterol? So what did you just say? No, calories. Only 1,280 milligrams of sodium. When does the burn go away? What is so bad about that? You put your spicy noodle fork in there. Is that why you don't like it? Yeah. We should let Jack try. Jack will lick the rest of this. No. You seem to have all the ice cream over there and everything else that you need. Get some goat milk. It's supposed to calm me down, I bet. Guys, we may look like it's like not that hot, but it's freaking hot. Hot milk is bad. No, it's not. I just smelled it. It's expired. Oh, that really works, though. I hope you don't get sick. It came back. The spice came back. Mm-hmm. It doesn't go away. You have to use milk because it kills your milk buds. Milk buds? Let me get the almond milk. That one. Taste buds. It was actually really... Those are actually pretty good, but after a while they... They're hot. It's hot. Definitely a heat. Mm-hmm. Them things is hot. Trying to see what kind of... My mouth hurts so bad. It doesn't end. That belly hurts. I know the news. So what is your take on the Korean spicy noodle? Well, let me tell you, man. This burns in my mouth. And you ate way more than I did. Alice, you want some? You want some, Alice? No, don't get running, shall it be? Come on. Oh, my stomach hurts now. All right, guys. We're done. Alice, want some? No, don't let her lick it. No, lick it.  Ma'am, tell me what you would like to do today. Definitely not have any spicy noodles. Okay, I'm going to challenge Jennifer from Genuine Teaching and Darren Nakakihara. I challenge you to these spicy noodles. To a duel! All right, guys. We are successful at finishing the fire noodles. Well, it stopped finished most of the work. We just needed a couple more helpful tools. What was doing the dab? Oh, did you have to put the other arm up? It doesn't count unless you do the other arm. I don't know how to do a dab really. Like this. Like that? Thank you guys for watching. We'll see you in the next video. Bye, guys.


So team keeping clean, we are officially back and it feels good to be back after being really just disconnected from just about the past week from the football world, from the world of the Baltimore Ravens, really from everything. It's really, really nice to get away, spend some extra time with the family. And it was a lot going on that we missed. I don't know what's going on in that field right now. Derek Barnett, he got released. Shaq, he got released. Like, what's up with all these people getting released like now? Like what's going on? I don't even know the reasons why those two players got released, but they're free agents. So that was really weird. And while we were disconnecting from everything, it looked like team keeping clean, looked like y'all wanted a break from us too, by the way, that the views on the past couple videos went, but that's okay. I still love y'all. Now, Baltimore Ravens, of course, with Mark Andrews, he had successful surgery this past week, which was a beautiful thing, which was great. We wish he wouldn't have had to have surgery because we wish he was still playing, especially when we have memories of the last time that the Baltimore Ravens, they went to LA to play the charges, which was Lamar's rookie year. Y'all remember that game? I do. That was pretty fun. But anyway, he is being placed on injured reserve. Now, we know that most likely ends his season, but they did say again, there's an outside chance that he could still come back. There's an outside chance that he could still return. I'm not going to count on that outside chance. And I don't think you should either. But we still do have a little bit of hope. So we'll see what happens. And every week that the Baltimore Ravens season continues, we're going to have just that little tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny bit of hope that Mark Andrews can come back. But like we said before, if he does come back this year, then we would want Mark Andrews to be a full-go Mark Andrews. And something that we talked about with that, if he does return this year, even if he wasn't 100%, I couldn't blame him if he did return this year and wasn't all the way right. Because the Baltimore Ravens got a squad this year that should go all the way. They got every reason to go all the way, even though they got some big injuries here and there, even though they missing some significant guys here and there, they still have enough right here, right now to make it all the way. So if Mark Andrews was like, man, I really want to be a part of that. I really want to be out there. I want to try to help my guys as much as I possibly can. I couldn't blame him if he came back, not necessarily early, but if he wasn't 100% and he returned. So we'll see what happens. We're going to hold out a little bit of hope, but not really expecting much. So we'll see. And the Baltimore Ravens, speaking of Mark Andrews and tight ends, they did not call up any tight ends for this game tomorrow against the charges. So likely, Kola is on you, baby. So let's get it, man. Let's see how this thing shakes out. And this also lets us know that the Baltimore Ravens, more is going to be being put on their wide receivers as well than their running game. Just really their whole offense. It's time to spread the love that much more. Since Mark Andrews is out, that means more opportunities for everybody else. So we'll see how it goes starting tomorrow. And real quick, just a quick little prediction game prediction.  I'm expect the Ravens to really take care of business in a major way tomorrow night. I just really, I don't know why I just have this extra type of confidence in them for tomorrow's game that they really like blow this thing out of the water. They have had a lot of rest. They getting some surprise guys back. Maul and Humphrey been practicing this week. Ronnie Stanley, who when he got hurt in the Bengals game, I thought that was it for him. Was it the Bengals game? No, not the Bengals game, the game before the Browns game, I think that's what it was. When he got hurt in that game, I thought that was a wrap. I thought his season was probably going to be up. But that boy came back. And hope all did say, oh, no, it wasn't nothing serious with Maul and Humphrey and Ronnie Stanley. But I'm like, all right, Hobbs, we know you all. We know how you be talking about injuries, especially with Ronnie Stanley. And we know Ronnie Stanley, too. So the way that his leg got rolled up on, the way it just bent back and all that stuff, I was like, oh, yeah, you're looking good. But he's back. And that's crazy. That boy over there back on Junior, he said he trying to play in the game tomorrow night. So we'll see how that goes. Zay flowers. He said he's good. He's good to go. So that'll be a beautiful thing. Lamar Jackson. It's interesting. Something that Lamar Jackson said in the presser. I'm tripping. Not in the presser. See, my mind's still on vacation, but I'm here physically. But anyway, with something that Lamar Jackson said in his interview with Devon McCordy, it caught my attention. And he said it really quick. But I was like, oh, okay, now Lamar, because Devon McCordy was like in a race between Key and Mitchell. And I think he said in Zay flowers and you, who will win? Who's the fastest? Can you keep up with those guys? And Lamar was like, yeah, he said he could still go. He said, ain't nothing changed. He said he still got it. But he was like, I just don't be running like that no more. I don't be running like that no more. And it was really slick. He threw it in there real quick. And I was like, yeah, he don't be running like that no more. And he is acknowledging it that like, I guess that made me feel a little bit better about how we've been seeing him run. Because we've been seeing it and we've been saying it like all year long. I know y'all been hearing us say it and I know other people said it as well, that it just when he takes off it's just not the same. He hasn't been taken off like that. He hasn't been like really hitting the gas, mashing the gas like that when he does run. So I've been wondering, man, why is he holding back? What's going on with Lamar? He ain't running as fast or as hard as he usually but again, so he's acknowledged it. He acknowledged it in that interview. Like, yeah, I ain't been running like I ran before, but he did say he still got it. And Lamar Jackson, he's been a man of his word up to this point. So got every reason to believe him. Just the one thing that we're waiting on, and hey, this could be the perfect year for the one thing we're waiting on Lamar Jackson to deliver be a man of his word on. Y'all going to get a Super Bowl out of me. What better time than now? So we're looking forward to that and just seeing how the rest of this season shakes up. But yeah, back to this Chargers game, I just really do have a lot of confidence in these Baltimore Ravens in this game. Joey Bosa, they put him on in reserve a couple days ago. So he's going to be out. And that's a big blow for the Chargers right there. They still have, they still got some guys, I think they got Khalil Mack, right? I know Khalil Mack ain't the same Khalil, but it's still Khalil Mack, but they still got some guys over there. They got Derwin James, who is a ball in. Yeah, so they still going to bring it. But I think Ravens, I think they win this one big. And I think their offense really gets rolling big time in this one. They know and they've acknowledged it. And that's something else that Lamar Jackson talked about in that interview with Devon McCauley. He was asked about how you feel about this offense? What would you give them on a scale of one to 10? And Lamar said, he said, I want to give us a five. I want to give us a five. But I guess he was thinking about how people might feel about that. And he's like, I'll give us a seven. I'll give us a seven out of 10. Because he said, we got it. And we can be special. The sky is the limit. But it's all about consistency. It's all about consistently making plays, not leaving anything out there on the field. And it's like Ravens are weird, man, because when we watch them, we see, well, I can't speak for everybody. I can only speak for myself. When I watched them, I see like I feel like they do leave a lot of stuff out there on the field. They leave a lot of points out there on the field. But at the same time, while they have been, in my opinion, leaving a lot of points out on the field, they've been putting up 30, 31, 35, 38, they've been putting up a lot of points. So the fact that this offense still looks shaky sometimes, but they still been scoring like over 30 points, it's been crazy, man. It's been wild to see. So I just, I've been very appreciative of that. And while we are, what are we on week 12 or week 13, whatever it may be. And we are still seeing a lot of the same things. Like, oh, man, if Ravens just clean this up here and there, if Raven just fixed that, then, oh, boy, but a they ate in three and they have not peaked yet. So again, Lamar again, man of his word, he said they don't want to be too early. They certainly have not peaked yet. They haven't. But tomorrow's game against the Chargers, I'm just expecting an amazing game. I'm almost maybe not the best game of the season because I think the best game of this season came against the Detroit Lions. But I'm expecting one of the best games of the Baltimore Ravens season tomorrow night. So again, that's just me. That's just me. We'll see what happens. But that's what I'm expecting from them tomorrow. But yeah, man, it's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. Of course, we will be live streaming it tomorrow. Looking forward to watching with everybody. It's interesting. So y'all know I don't watch college football like that at all. But every Saturday, I get like a million and one every Saturday without fail, get a million and one notifications about Marvin Harrison, Jr. Every Saturday never fails, never fails. So I'm like, all right. So I took an app earlier today and woke up and it was toward the end of that Ohio State and Michigan game. So I'm like, you know what? Let me tune in. Let me just look at it for a little bit. See what's going on. And let me see all the hype about Mr. Marvin Harrison, Jr. because every weekend my phone be going off like crazy. Notification. Oh, Marvin Harrison did that. He did that. He got a touchdown. He got another touchdown. He got another touchdown. So I'm like, all right, cool. Let me check it out. And then the way that that game ended, he did catch a nice little pass though. But the way that the game ended, it was when the quarterback got hit and then it ended up being a game ending interception. I was like, okay, I was hoping to see some of the Marvin Harrison big play that he could make whether he's going to get another touchdown or something like, but it didn't end up happening. So that would happen to me. One time I actually tuned in that I don't even get to see it, but it's all good, man. But I love your team. Keep it clean. Make sure you subscribe to the channel, turn the notifications on so you do not miss not a single single video. Because again, I know the past couple of days, y'all been like, we ain't about to watch that. We ain't trying to watch no team. Keep it clean. We need a break. And yeah, I see a lot of y'all took a big break, but it's, it's okay. I still love y'all. We back. Let's get it. Let's have some fun. Let's, and this tomorrow is this last game for two weeks, two weeks. So we're getting a long break from the Baltimore Ravens playing some football. But we still will have, of course, a lot to cover, a lot to talk about, and we will have a lot of fun. I love y'all so much. I appreciate y'all. We out.


Shalom, ha'otsi'ashila. Oh, Dorothy, you're no longer in Israel. You're out of Israel. You should not speak Hebrew. You should speak English. Let's try it. My name is Sam Baknin and I'm the author of Malignan Selphla, Narcissism Revisited. That went well. I'm also a professor of psychology and a professor of finance in SEAPS, Center for International Advanced Professional Studies, which is the outreach program of the CS Consortium of Universities and I'm also a professor of psychology in Southern Federal University, Vostov-on-Don. Yes, in the Russian Federation. And today we're going to discuss why the narcissists cannot love you and what can you do about it. It's a much deeper topic than you can imagine. And so stay with me for a bumpy ride into the narcissist's demented soul, those of them who have one. And we start with the nature of love. What is the nature of love? You all know that it is impossible to love other people if you do not love yourself. But did you ever bother to ask yourself why? Why do you need to love yourself as a precondition for loving other people? It's because all love is actually self-love. Being loved is a way of loving yourself.  And the gaze of your lover allows you to apprehend yourself as an external object. Suddenly, you see yourself from the outside.  I know it sounds crazy, but many people don't feel that they exist. Many people don't feel alive. I would even go as far as saying that most people don't feel alive, especially in post-modern societies. So being loved is a way of experiencing directly, not indirectly, but experiencing, sorry, indirectly, existence, experiencing indirectly, being alive. Through the gaze of the man or the woman who loves you, you become an external object and you're able to delineate your boundaries. You're able to become. It's a process of becoming. And this process of becoming allows you to regulate your sense of self-worth internally, allows you to take on the world, gives you energy, empowers you and pushes you to become a better or just a different version of yourself.  Your lover gaze, your lover's gaze put you in focus at the center, and so you become centered. Now, love is not about merging. Love is not about fusing. Love definitely is not about enmeshment, because to merge with your lover, to fuse with your lover, to become one with your lover and single organism with two heads. That's not love, because you disappear. If you were to become one with your lover, you would disappear. It's a form of vanishing. And love is exactly the opposite. Love allows you to enhance your boundaries, to make them much more clear, to demarcate them, to become separate actually from the world, separate even from your lover. And this process of healthy separation leads to individuation.  You form more less tenuous boundaries, stronger boundaries, and then you become safely within these boundaries. It's very similar to separation, individuation from mother. And it gives you the same type and amount of energy to take on the world. Now, I have a video here about self-love and the four pillars of self-love. And I recommend that you watch it. So this is love. But narcissism, narcissists cannot love because narcissism is not a form of self-love. I repeat, all the wannabe online experts with and without academic degrees who tell you that narcissism is self-love, they don't know the first thing about either narcissism or self-love. Narcissism is not self-love. There is no self-to-love. Narcissists don't have a self. Narcissism is a failure to constolate, to create, to generate a self. Narcissists, ironically, are self-less. They don't have a functioning ego. Their ego functions, and especially ego boundary functions, are outsourced. They don't exist unless they are seen. The narcissist needs the collective gaze of hundreds, dozens, thousands of people to feel that he is alive. His existence, his derivative, his mind, his hive mind. I recommend that you watch my video titled, ego is opposite of narcissism. So narcissists have no self-to-love, so they cannot have self-love. They outsource their self. Their self is imported from the outside and critically depends on the collective feedback from numerous people. So when you have no self, you cannot have self-love. And so because narcissists don't have self-love, don't experience self-love and have no self-to-love, they are incapable of loving you. They can't love others. You remember how we opened this video when we were all much younger? The condition to loving others is first to experience self-love, because the narcissist is incapable of the latter. He is incapable of the former. He cannot love you. He even fails to generate self-objects or object representations. Instead what he does, he creates a static snapshot of you in an internal object, an introject. It's a much more primitive level of interacting with people. So not only is the narcissist incapable of self-love because he has no self, not only is the narcissist incapable of loving you because he doesn't love himself, because he has no self, but he is even incapable of seeing you. He is even incapable of recognizing you as an external object, as out there, as someone separate from him, as someone. Instead, he interacts with a photo of you. It's not even a video. It's a photo. It's static. It's stable across time and non-reactive to circumstances. So narcissists can perfect. In other words, they can invest emotional energy in you, but they can never love you. Narcissism is a form of self-loathing. Narcissism, I repeat, is a form of self-hatred, self-rejection, self-loathing.  These are all forms of abuse.  He's not allowed to separate from his parents and to become an individual. He's not allowed to maintain a separate life. He's not allowed to be. So the child rejects his helplessness, rejects it. His lack of self-efficacy, his inability to induce change, favorable change in his environment because it is the mercy of abusive parents, and he's ashamed of it. Many scholars, for example, Masterson, had suggested that narcissism is a form of shame, is a mismanagement of shame over the lifespan. My wife, Lydia Vangelovska, also had a few things to say about this. So the narcissist as a child creates the false self. And what is the false self? The false self is everything. The child is not everything. The narcissist is not. The narcissist is helpless. The false self is all-powerful, omnipotent. The narcissist cannot predict the behavior of people because he misreads social cues and because to him people are mysterious, unpredictable, dangerous, the world is hostile. And on the other hand, the false self is omniscient. He's like God. He knows everything. So the false self is everything the narcissist is not. That's not self-love. That's self-rejection. The narcissist eliminates himself, destroys himself, sacrifices himself to the false self because he abhors himself. He finds himself unacceptable. And so he creates an imaginary friend in a paracosm, in an imaginary reality, in a fantastic, fantastic reality. And then he becomes that imaginary friend because he doesn't want to be. He doesn't want to be. There's no form of greater self-hatred than narcissism. Narcissism is not self-love writ large. It's not exaggerated self-love. It's exactly the opposite. It's the investment of all the mental energies in a piece of fiction, in a story, in a theater play, in a movie. And by doing so, the narcissist ceases to exist. Narcissism is a form of dysphoria, kind of depression, prolonged grief over an internalized bed-object. The narcissist as a child had been rejected, abused, and told that he is bed and worthless. If he doesn't perform, the narcissist had received only conditional love and the condition was to not be. The message the narcissist had received from his parents, especially the mother, is, you are not good enough as you are. You're not good enough for my love. You want me to love you. You have to be someone else. You have to perform. You have to provide. And so the narcissist goes through life trying to regain this lost love. I'm able to separate from this internal object which represents his mother, for example, internal object that keeps torturing him and keeps telling him you're inadequate, you're not good enough. You should do more.   They constantly measure up to a standard of perfection that they can never attain. They're never good enough. Ask Donald Trump's father. And so watch the video that I've made titled, Real Narcissists Are Covert, Grandiose Narcissists Are Psychopaths. We are beginning to understand the cutting edge, the bleeding edge of research in narcissism is teaching us that all narcissists are actually, all real narcissists are actually compensatory. They're compensating for a deep set feeling of inferiority. This borrows on work by Adler and goes all the way to Theodore Millen and many others. Narcissism is compensatory. The narcissist is a poor rendition, an uncompleted, incomplete human being, a draft, a draft version of what could have been. And to compensate for that, he puts forth a perfect, fantastic image, the false self. That's not self-love. This is the ultimate self-rejection and it has three sources, ego-distony, ego-discrepancy and ego incongruency. I'm going to explain, of course, each one of these three. Ego-distony is the opposite of ego-syntony. It's also called ego-alien. Ego-distony is a situation where your thoughts, behaviors, dreams, compulsions, desires, emotions, cognitions, everything inside you is in conflict with your needs and with the goals of a healthy ego. In conflict with your ego ideal, with the ideal self-image, with your ideal self-image of how you would have wanted to be, how you would have wanted to turn out the dream of you.  Ego-distony is experienced as a severe discomfort with who you are.   So, ego-distony is very rare with healthy people, because usually healthy people do conform to their ego needs and goals, the ego is in control. Part of the ego is known as the super ego that's conscious, that represents social, social interjections or social interjects. Society tells you what to do, so you have your own ego and you have the super ego which is essentially society mediated by other parents. In the process of socialization, a healthy person has all these checks and balances. He's in touch with reality, so he's rarely ego-distanic, but the narcissist is constantly ego-distanic. He has no functioning ego. He has a very harsh sadistic inner critic, super ego. So, he's constantly ego-distanic, he's constantly unhappy, dysphoric, depressed, anxious, angry, envious, negative affectivity is the only feature of the narcissist world. But if these were not bad enough, narcissists experience two other processes. One is known as ego discrepancy. Ego discrepancy is a theory developed by Edward Torrey Higgins in 1987. The ego discrepancy theory states that individuals compare some kind of actual self to internalized standards of an ideal self of how I ought to be. So, there's always a comparison between who am I now, who am I and how I ought to have been. And Freud proceeded, of course, this theory by suggesting that there is a conflict between ego and ego ideal. The ego is the reality principle in Freud's trilateral model. It's a reality principle. The ego tells you how to function in reality and puts you down, kind of, suppresses your grandiosity and renders you in self-efficacious. The ego makes you obtain your goals, but there's a compromise there because you have an ego ideal, something you would have wanted to be, a dream, a fantasy of yourself, how you should have been, how you ought to have been. And so, the self discrepancy theory says that there is always a conflict between the actual self and the imagined or the ideal self. There's an inconsistency between actual, ideal, and ought.  And this creates a lot of emotional discomfort, even panic or fear, a sense of threat, restlessness. Self discrepancy is the gap between two self representations, and it leads to negative emotions. And so, different type of discrepancies between representations of the self are related to different kinds of emotional vulnerabilities. Higgins himself illustrated the internal disagreement, this internal civil war, this conflict, and showed that it causes emotional and psychological turmoil. There were other previous theories, of course, there's nothing much new in this, there's a cognitive dissonance theory, there is the imbalance theory, Heider's imbalance theory, 1958, but Higgins took it a step further. He said that there are specific emotions that surface as a result of these internal mismatches, or these internal disagreements, or these internal debates, if you wish. All previous self-imbalance theories recognized only positive and negative emotions. The self discrepancy theory assigned specific emotions and effects to any particular type of disparity. So the self discrepancy theory provided us with a map, a map of the inner battles in every person, even healthy people. So everyone has a variety of self discrepancies. Everyone has negative psychological situations that are associated with different types of discomfort. And self discrepancy theory allows us to understand these types of contrasting ideas and how you would feel if you would have such a clash. A clash inside you is negative emotions. So self discrepancy theory says that we should classify the different kinds of discomfort. Discomfort that is created by contrasting ideals. We should classify the various types of emotional vulnerabilities felt by these, engendered by these discrepancies. And we should consider the role of the different discrepancies in influencing this or that kind of discomfort. The narcissist experiences all possible ego discrepancies simultaneously and always. I repeat this. The poor narcissist is not only constantly ego dystonic, but is constantly ego discrepant. Why is that? Because he is emotionally invested. He is affected in a piece of fiction, in an imaginary friend, in a transitory object, transient object that had never transitioned. The false self is a godlike deity or divinity that the narcissist can never measure up to. The false self is constantly challenged by reality. Reality provides countervailing information. It undermines the false self. There's a lot of negative feedback. And so the narcissist constantly experiences a discrepancy between who he is and who he thinks he should be, which is the false self. The narcissist's battles are internal, but the false self is sometimes perceived as ego alien. In 99% of the time, the narcissist believes himself to be the false self. He regards himself as the false self and he has a wall protecting the false self from the challenges of reality. It's known as confirmation bias. The narcissist filters out information that can challenge the false self. But sometimes there's too much of it. Sometimes it's a tsunami and avalanche of undermining, challenging, disagreeing, criticizing information. And the narcissist's walls crumble down. His firewalls are disabled. The process called decompensation. And the narcissist can no longer protect his false self and goes into narcissistic injury or narcissistic modification in extreme cases. At that point, the narcissist experiences his false self as something alien. And this is known as an estrangement. The narcissist becomes estranged from his false self and then his ego dystony and his ego discrepancy are at a maximum. He's no longer defended. He can go into extreme deep depression and clinically he becomes a borderline replete with suicidal ideation. And the last process that operates in the narcissist is ego incongruity or ego depletion. Carl Rogers in the 50s suggested that there is a mismatch between experience and awareness. There is a tension between dreams and reality. In my work in the 1990s, I suggested that the narcissist experiences a grandiosity gap, a gap between how he experiences his life and himself and his accomplishments and how he would have liked to have been in an ideal world. He would have liked to have become the false self, but he's always one step removed. He's always not exactly there. This explains narcissistic affectionism. So Carl Rogers said that feelings are not aligned with actions and then there's ego incongruity and ego depletion. The ego actually is disabled or inactivated when the gap is too big. Humans, said Carl Rogers, are intentional. They aim at goals. They are aware that they cause future events. They seek meaning, value, creativity. They want to better themselves. The narcissist fails in all these tasks in all of them. So he is constantly ego incongruent and ego depleted. Narcissists are unable to empathize. They suffer from severe emotional and cognitive deficits up to the point of failing their reality testing. Narcissists are therefore incapable of love and loving. Narcissists don't love themselves. They're emotionally invested in a fictitious concoction, the false self, and in the reaction that the false self gathers from their sources of narcissistic supply, you. So what is the difference between self-love and narcissism? And how does it affect the capacity to love others? To answer this, we need to do what Freud had done. We need to go back 2,500 years to the ancient Greeks who seem to have known everything about everything. I don't know why we bother. The Greek myths gave us the word narcissism as well as the very concept of malignant self-love. Malignant self-love is a phrase that I coined in 1999. The Greek distinguished between various types of love and self-love. Philotia was the love of oneself, which is a prerequisite for loving others. All friendly feelings for others are an extension of man's feeling for himself, said, not Vaknin, but Aristotle. Then there was another kind of love in ancient Greece, the filia. The filia is the love between friends. It's more like enhanced affection, a broad romance. Filia is usually among fighting men, the ancient equivalents, equivalent of today's bromance. And then there is Storge, or should be pronounced by the way Storge. It's the love for family members. And then there is Eros. Eros is love coupled with enduring lust. It's not flirtatious infatuation, limerence, or a crush, especially among the young. This, the Greeks called ludus, game. Eros is much deeper, much more profound, much more mature. And sometimes it leads to a game. A game is a love that leads to action and involves courage, sacrifice, and strength. So the Greeks made a distinction between Philotia, which is a love of oneself, but a healthy love of oneself. Filia, among friends. Storge, love for family members, or Storge. Eros, mature love coupled with sex drive. And a game, which leads to action, involves courage, sacrifice, strength. So Freud borrowed Eros and incorporated as a component of libido. Now there are two differences between healthy self-love and pathological narcissism. Number one, the ability to tell reality from fantasy. Love, mature love, is grounded in reality. You don't split your lover. You don't consider your lover 100% perfect. That is love bombing. That is grooming. That's not love. That is idealizing the lover, which is the first stage in the shared fantasy. Mature love is grounded, feet on the ground, is grounded in reality, is centered.  He integrates you. He doesn't split you. He sees you as a human being with failings and shortcomings, with strengths and talents and skills, and with limitations. That's mature love. Everything else is fantasy and usually narcissistic. And the second difference between narcissism and self-love is in the ability to empathize and indeed to fully and maturely love other people, to see them first of all, to accept that they exist separately from you, not as your extension, or as a form of an instrument of gratification. The narcissist does not love himself. It is because he has very little true self to love. Instead, there's a monstrous, malignant construct, the false self, and it encroaches upon the narcissist's true self and devours it ultimately. The narcissist loves an image which he projects onto others, to reflect it back to the narcissist, and this image is the false self. Indeed, narcissists himself, the youth, didn't fall in love with himself. He fell in love. He fell in love with his reflection, and his reflection was so alien that he didn't realize he was looking at himself. This process, this process of extracting narcissistic supply by projecting a false image, a false self, this process reassures the narcissist of both the objective existence of his false self and of the boundaries of his ego. And it blurs all distinctions between reality and fantasy. In other words, the narcissist projects the false self. People react to the false self. So the narcissist says, well, if people are reacting to the false self, it must exist. And if it exists, it has boundaries. But of course, it's a sham. It's a fantasy. It's a lie. It's false. So the narcissist inhabits a fantastic space. Narcissism is a fantasy defense, gun out of control, gun awry. The false self leads to false assumptions, and to a contorted personal narrative, to a false Weltanschauung, a false worldview, and to a grandiose inflated sense of being. And this grandiose inflated sense of being is rarely grounded in any real accomplishments, or merit, or effort, or work, or study. The narcissist's feeling of entitlement is all pervasive. It's demanding and aggressive. It easily deteriorates into open verbal psychological and physical abuse of others, the opposite of love. Maintaining a distinction between what we really are and what we dream of becoming, knowing our limits, our advantages and faults, having a sense of true realistic accomplishments in our life, these are of paramount importance in the establishment and maintenance of our self-esteem, sense of self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-confidence. I again implore you, beg you on my knees, many begs you to watch the video, Four Pillars of Self Love, that I've made. Reliant as the narcissist is, on outside opinions, on outside feedback, on outside judgment, the narcissist feels miserably inferior and dependent. The narcissist rebells against this degrading state of things by escaping into a world of make-belief, daydreaming, pretensions, delusions of grandeur. The narcissist knows little about himself and finds what he knows to be unacceptable. He rejects himself. Our experience of what it is like to be human, our very humanness, depends largely on our self-knowledge and on our experience of ourselves. In other words, only through being himself, only through experiencing his self, can a human being fully appreciate the humanness of others. If you don't experience yourself, you can't identify your human aspects in anyone else. Empathy is a resonance between you and others, but if you are not in the equation, there are no others. The narcissist has precious little experience of his self, precious little experience of his self, because there's no constellated integrated self, there's identity disturbance in borderline as well. The narcissist instead lives in an invented world of his own design, where he is a fictitious figure in a grandiose script, a movie, a Cecil Bidamel movie. The narcissist therefore possesses no tools, no tools to enable him to cope with other human beings, share their emotions, put himself in their place, empathize. And of course, love them. They very often don't exist at all, except as mirages, except as flickering images in his mind. Loving is a demanding task of inter-related. Narcissists can hardly relate to himself and can definitely not relate to anyone else. The narcissist just does not know what it means to be human to cut a long story short. He is a predator, rapaciously preying on others for the satisfaction and gratification of his narcissistic cravings and appetites for admiration, adoration, flaws, affirmation, and attention. Even more so, the narcissist devours other people, uses them as a supply in order to feel alive. It's really like a vampire.  His very sense of existence, of being, of becoming, crucially depends on eliminating, annihilating, vitiating, and negating other people. Humans are mere narcissistic supply sources, and they are over or devalued according to their contributions to this end. Self-love is a precondition for the experience and expression of mature love. One cannot truly love someone else if one does not first love one's true self. If we have never loved ourselves, we have never experienced unconditional love, and therefore we do not know how to love others. If we keep living in a world of fantasy, like the narcissist does, how could we notice the very real people around us, the people who ask for our love, deserve it, demand it, require it? If we live in a world of fantasy, there's no reality, and if there's no reality, there are no real people. Right meaning? Don't misunderstand. Narcissists, like every other human being, they want to love. The narcissist wants to love. In his rare moments of self-awareness, after a narcissistic injury, definitely after modification, the narcissist feels ecodistonic, as I said. Unhappy, unhappy with himself, with his situation, and with his relationships with others. This is the predicament of the narcissist. He is sentenced to isolation. Permanent, perpetual, some paternal isolation, precisely because his need of other people is so great.


Welcome to All Hands Update, here's what's happening around your Navy. During a recent poor visit to Singapore, 13 sailors from the USS Mobile Bay taught special needs children at a local school. Volunteer events like this not only help show children their potential, but help strengthen the ties between the Navy and the local community. PFA season is here, but it's important to maintain your fitness level along with a healthy lifestyle throughout the year. By keeping to these standards, you will stay within compliance of the new regulations and help increase mission readiness across the fleet. More importantly, making good nutrition and PT choices will ensure you remain healthy for years to come. Remember, you're only issued one U. Head to ah.mil for more information on the new PFA nav admin and stories of how others in the fleet are maintaining their fitness. You can read more about what's happening around your Navy at navy.mil.