26. I fall into captivity. I saw no more of Uriah Heap until the day when Agnes left town. I was at the coach-office to take leave of her and see her go, and there was he, returning to Canterbury by the same conveyance. It was some small satisfaction to me to observe his spare, short-waisted, high-shouldered, mulberry-coloured great coat perched up in company with an umbrella like a small tent, on the edge of the back seat on the roof, while Agnes was, of course, inside. But what I underwent in my efforts to be friendly with him, while Agnes looked on, perhaps deserved that little recompense. At the coach-window, as at the dinner-party, he hovered about us without a moment's intermission like a great vulture, gorging himself on every syllable that I said to Agnes or Agnes said to me. In the state of trouble into which his disclosure by my father had thrown me, I had thought very much of the words Agnes had used in reference to the partnership. I did what I hoped was right, feeling sure that it was necessary for Papa's peace that the sacrifice should be made, and treated him to make it. A miserable foreboding that she would be yielded to, and sustain herself by the same feeling in reference to any sacrifice for his sake, had oppressed me ever since. I knew how she loved him. I knew what the devotion of her nature was. I knew from her own lips that she regarded herself as the innocent cause of his errors, and as owing him a great debt she ardently desired to pay. I had no consolation in seeing how different she was from this distestable rufus with the mulberry-coloured greatcoat, for I felt that in the very difference between them, in the self-denial of her pure soul and the sordid baseness of his, the greatest danger lay. All this doubtless he knew thoroughly, and had, in his cunning, considered well. Yet I was so certain that the prospect of such a sacrifice afar off must destroy the happiness of Agnes, and I was so sure from her manner of its being unseen by her then, and having cast no shadow on her yet, that I could have soon have injured her as given her any warning of what impended. Thus it was, that we parted without explanation, she waving her hand and smiling farewell from the coach-window, her evil genius writhing on the roof, as if it had her in his clutches and triumphed. I could not get over this farewell glimpse of them for a long time. When Agnes wrote to tell me of her safe arrival, I was as miserable as when I saw her going away. Whenever I fell into a thoughtful state, this subject was sure to present itself, and all my uneasiness was sure to be redoubled. Hardly a night passed without my dreamy of it.  I had ample leisure to refine upon my uneasiness, for Steerforth was at Oxford, as he wrote to me, and when I was not at the commons, I was very much alone. I believe I had at this time some lurking distrust of Steerforth. I wrote to him most affectionately in reply to his, but I think I was glad upon the whole that he could not come to London just then. I suspect the truth to be that the influence of Agnes was upon me, undisturbed by the sight of him, and that it was the more powerful with me, because she had so large a share in my thoughts and interest. In the meantime, days and weeks slipped away. I was artichalled to Spenlow and Jorkins. I had ninety pounds a year, exclusive of my causs-rent and sundry collateral matters, from my aunt. My rooms were engaged for twelve months certain, and though I still found them dreary of an evening, and the evenings long. I could settle down into a state of equitable low spirits, and resign myself to coffee, which I seemed, on looking back, to have taken by the gallant about this period of my existence. At about this time, too, I made three discoveries. First, that Mrs. Krupp was a martyr to a curious disorder called the spasms, which was generally accompanied with inflammation of the nose, and required to be constantly treated with peppermint. Secondly, that something peculiar in the temperature of my pantry made the brandy bottles burst. Thirdly, that I was alone in the world, and much given to record that circumstance in fragments of English versification. On the day when I was artichalled, no festivity took place beyond my having sandwiches and sherry into the office for the clerks, and going alone to the theatre at night. I went to see the stranger, as a doctor's commons sort of play, and was so dreadfully cut up, that I hardly knew myself on my own glass when I got home. Mr. Spenlo remarked, on this occasion, when we concluded our business, that he should have been happy to have seen me at his house at Norwood to celebrate our becoming connected, but for his domestic arrangements being in some disorder, on account of the expected return of his daughter from finishing her education at Paris. But he intimated that when she came home, he should hope to have the pleasure of entertaining me. I knew that he was a widower with one daughter, and expressed my acknowledgments. Mr. Spenlo was as good as his word. In a week or two, he referred to this engagement and said that if I would do him the favour to come down next Saturday and stay till Monday, he would be extremely happy. Of course I said I would do him the favour, and he was to drive me down in his faten, and to bring me back. When the day arrived, my very carpet bag was an object of veneration to the stipendury clerks to whom the house at Norwood was a sacred mystery. One of them informed me that he had heard that Mr. Spenlo ate entirely off-plate and china, and another hinted at champagne being constantly on draft after the usual custom of table-beer. The old clerk with the wig, whose name was Mr. Tiffy, had been down on several occasions on business in the course of his career, and had on each occasion penetrated to the breakfast parlour. He described it as an apartment of the most sumptuous nature, and said that he had drunk brown East India sherry there of a quality so precious as to make a man wink. He had an adjourned case in the consistory that day about excommunicating a baker who'd been objecting in a vestry to a paving-rate, and as the evidence was just twice the length of Robinson Crusoe, according to a calculation I made, it was rather late in the day before we finished. However, we got him excommunicated for six weeks and sentenced in no end of costs, and then the baker's proctor and the judge and the advocates on both sides, who were all nearly related, went out of town together, and Mr. Spenlow and I drove away in the Fayton. The Fayton was a very handsome affair. The horses arched their necks and lifted up their legs as if they knew they belonged to Drs. Commons. There was a good deal of competition in the Commons on all points of display, and it turned out some very choice equipages then, though I always have considered, and always shall consider, that in my time the great article of competition there was starch, which I think was worn among the proctors to as great an extent as it is in the nature of man to bear. We were very pleasant to going down, and Mr. Spenlow gave me some hints in reference to my profession. He said it was the gentilist profession in the world. I must on no account be confided with the profession of a solicitor, being quite another sort of thing infinitely more exclusive, less mechanical, and more profitable. We took things much more easily in the Commons than they could be taken anywhere else he observed, and that set us as a privileged class apart. He said it was impossible to conceal the disagreeable fact that we were chiefly employed by solicitors, but he gave me to understand that they were an inferior race of men universally looked down upon by all proctors of any pretensions. I asked Mr. Spenlow what he considered the best sort of professional business. He replied that a good case of a disputed will, where there was a neat little estate of thirty or forty thousand pounds, was perhaps the best of all. In such a case he said not only were there very pretty pickings in the way of arguments at every stage of the proceedings, and mountains upon mountains of evidence on interrogatory and counter interrogatory, to say nothing of an appeal lying first to the delegates and to the lords, but the costs of being pretty sure to come out of the estate at last, both sides went at it in a lively and spirited manner, and expense was no consideration. Then he launched into a general eulogium on the Commons. What was between particularly a part, he said, in the Commons, was his compactness. It was the most conveniently organized place in the world. It was the complete idea of snugness. It lay in a nutshell. For example, you brought a divorce case or a restitution case into the consistory. Very good. You tried it in the consistory. You made a quiet little round a game of it among a family group, and you played it out at leisure. Suppose you were not satisfied with the consistory. What did you do then? Why you went into the arches? What was the arches? The same court in the same room with the same bar and the same practitioners, but another judge, for there the consistory judge could plead any court day as an advocate. Well, you played your round game out again. Still you were not satisfied. Very good. What did you do then? Why you went to the delegates? Who were the delegates? Why the ecclesiastical delegates were the advocates without any business, who looked on at the round game when he was playing in both courts, and had seen the cards shuffled and cut and played, and had talked to all the players about it, and now came fresh, as judges, to settle the matter to the satisfaction of everybody. Discontentative people might talk of corruption in the Commons, closeness in the Commons, and the necessity of reforming the Commons, said Mr. Spendot Solomny. In conclusion, but when the price of wheat per bushel had been highest, the Commons had been busiest, and a man might lay his hand upon his heart and say this to the whole world, touch the Commons and down comes the country. I listened to all this with attention, and though I must say I had my doubts whether the country was quite as much obliged to the Commons as Mr. Spendot made out, I respectfully deferred to his opinion. That about the price of wheat per bushel, I moderately spilled, was too much for my strength, and quite settled the question. I have never to this hour got the better of that bushel of wheat. It has reappeared to annihilate me, all through my life, in connection with all kinds of subjects. I don't know now exactly what it has to do with me, or what right it has to crush me, on an infinite variety of occasions, but whenever I see my old friend the bushel brought in by the head and shoulders, as he always is, I observe, I give up a subject for lost. This is the digression. I was not the man to touch the Commons and bring down the country. I submissively expressed, by my silence, my acquiescence in all I had heard from my superior in years and knowledge, and we talked about the stranger and the drama and the pairs of horses, until we came to Mr. Spendlow's gate. There was a lovely garden to Mr. Spendlow's house, and though that was not the best time of year for seeing a garden, it was so beautifully kept that I was quite enchanted. There was a charming lawn, there were clusters of trees, and there were perspective walks that I could just distinguish in the dark, arched over with trellis work on which shrubs and flowers grew in the growing season. Here Miss Spendlow walks by herself, I thought. Dear me! We went into the house, which was cheerfully lighted up, and into a hall where there were all sorts of hats, caps, great coats, plaids, gloves, whips, and walking-sticks. Where is Miss Dora? said Mr. Spendlow to the servant. Dora, I thought, what a beautiful name! We turned into a room near at hand. I think it was the identical breakfast room made memorable by the brown East Indian sherry. And I heard a voice say, Mr. Copperfield, my daughter Dora, and my daughter Dora's confidential friend. It was, no doubt, Mr. Spendlow's voice, but I didn't know it, and I didn't care whose it was. All was over in a moment. I had fulfilled my destiny. I was a captive and a slave. I loved Dora Spendlow to distraction. She was more than human to me. She was a fairy, a self. I didn't know what she was, anything that no one ever saw, and everything that everybody ever wanted. I was swallowed up in an abyss of love in an instant. There was no pausing on the brink, no looking down or looking back. I was gone, headlong, before I had sensed to say a word to her. I observed a well-remembered voice when I bowed and murmured something. I've seen Mr. Copperfield before. The speaker was not Dora. No, the confidential friend, Miss Murdstone. I don't think I was much astonished. To the best of my judgment no capacity of astonishment was left in me. There was nothing worth mentioning in the material world but Dora Spendlow to be astonished about. I said, How do you do, Miss Murdstone? I hope you are well. She answered, Very well. I said, How is Mr. Murdstone? She replied, My brother is robust. I am obliged to you. Mr. Spendlow, who I suppose have been surprised to see us recognize each other, then put in his word. I'm glad to find, he said, Copperfield, that you and Miss Murdstone are already acquainted. Mr. Copperfield and myself, said Miss Murdstone, with severe composure, are connections. We were once slightly acquainted. It was in his childish days. Circumstances have separated us since. I should not have known him. I replied that I should have known her anywhere, which was true enough. Miss Murdstone has had the goodness, said Mr. Spendlow to me, to accept the office, if I may so describe it, of my daughter Dora's confidential friend.  A passing thought occurred to me that Miss Murdstone, like the pocky instrument called a life preserver, was not so much designed for purposes of protection as of assault. But as I had none but passing thoughts for any subject, save Dora, I glanced at her directly afterwards and was thinking that I saw, in her prettily petish manner, that she was not very much inclined and particularly confidential to her companion and protector. When a bell rang, which Mr. Spendlow said was the first dinner bell, and so carried me off to dress. The idea of dressing oneself or doing anything in the way of action in that state of love was a little too ridiculous. I could only sit down before my father, biting the key of my carpet bag and think of the captivating, girlish, bright-eyed, lovely Dora. What a form she had!  What a graceful, variable, enchanting manner! The bell rang again so soon that I made a mere scramble of my dressing instead of the careful operation I could have wished under the circumstances, and I went downstairs. There was some company. Dora was talking to an old gentleman with a grey head, grey as he was, and a great-grandfather into the bargain, for he said so. I was madly jealous of him. What a state of mind I was in! I was just jealous of everybody. I couldn't bear the idea of anybody knowing Mr. Spenlow better than I did. It was torturing to me to hear them talk of occurrences in which I had no share. When a most amiable person with a highly polished bald head asked me across the dinner-table if that were the first occasion of my seeing the grounds, I could have done anything to him that was savage and revengeful. I don't remember who was there, except Dora. My least idea of what we have for dinner, besides Dora, my impression is that I dined off Dora entirely and sent away half a dozen plates untouched. I sat next to her. I talked to her.  She was rather diminutive altogether. So much the more precious I thought. When she went out of the room with Miss Murdstone, no other ladies were of the party, I fell into a reverie only disturbed by the cruel apprehension that Miss Murdstone would disparage me to her. The amiable creature with a polished head told me a long story which I think was about gardening. I think I heard him say my gardener several times. I seemed to pay the deepest attention to him, but I was wandering in a garden of Eden all the while with Dora. My apprehensions of being disparaged to the object of my engrossing affection were revived when we went into the drawing-room by the grim and distant aspect of Miss Murdstone. But I was relieved of them in an unexpected manner. David Copperfield, said Miss Murdstone, beckoned me aside to a window. A word! I confronted Miss Murdstone alone. David Copperfield, said Miss Murdstone, I need not enlarge upon fact, I need not enlarge upon family circumstances they are not attempting subject. Far from it, ma'am, I returned. Far from it, said Miss Murdstone, I do not wish to revive the memory of past differences or of past outrages. I've received outrages from a person, a female, I'm sorry to say, for the credit of my sex, who is not to be mentioned without scorn and disgust, and therefore I would rather not mention her. I felt very fiery on my answer count, but I said it would certainly be better if Miss Murdstone please not to mention her. I could not hear her disrespectfully mentioned, I added, without expressing my opinion in a decided tone.  Then, stately opening her eyes, resumed, David Copperfield, I shall not attempt to disguise the fact that I formed an unfavorable opinion of you in your childhood. It may have been a mistaken one, or you may have ceased to justify it. That is not in question between us now. I belong to a family remarkable, I believe, for some firmness, and I mop the creature of circumstance or change. I may have my opinion of you, you may have your opinion of me. I inclined my head in my turn. But it is not necessary, said Miss Murdstone, that these opinions should come into conclusion here. Under existing circumstances, it is as well on all accounts that they should not. As the chances of life have brought us together again, and may bring us together on other occasions, I would say, let us meet here as distant acquaintances. Family circumstances are a sufficient reason for our only meeting on that footing, and it is quite unnecessary that either of us should make the other subject of remark. Do you approve of this? Miss Murdstone, I returned. I think you and Mr. Murdstone used me very cruelly and treated my mother with great unkindness. I shall always think so as long as I live. But I quite agree in what you propose.  Then just touching the back of my hand with the tips of her cold, stiff fingers, she walked away, arranging the little fetters on her wrists and round her neck, which seemed to be the same set in exactly the same state as when I had seen her last. These reminded me, in reference to Miss Murdstone's nature, of the fetters over a jailed door, suggesting on the outside to all beholders what was to be expected within. All I know of the rest of the evening is that I heard the empress of my heart sing enchanted ballads in the French language, generally to the effect that whatever was the matter, we are always to dance tralala tralala, accompanying herself on a glorified instrument resembling a guitar. That I was lost in blissful delirium. That I refused refreshment. That my soul recoiled from punch particularly. That when Miss Murdstone took her into custody and led her away, she smiled and gave me her a delicious hand. That I caught a view of myself in a mirror looking perfectly imbecile and idiotic. That I retired to bed in a most maudlin state of mind, and got up in a crisis of feeble infatuation. It was a fine morning, and early, and I thought I would go and take a stroll down one of those war-arched walks and indulge my passion by dwelling on her image. In the hall I encountered her little dog who was called Gyp, short for Gypsy. I approached him tenderly, for I loved even him, but he showed his whole set of teeth, got under a chair expressly to snarl, and wouldn't hear of the least familiarity. The garden was cool and solitary. I walked about wondering what my feelings of happiness would be if I could ever become engaged to this dear wonder. As to marriage and fortune and all that, I believed I was almost as innocently undesigning then as when I loved little Emily. To be allowed to call her Dora, to write to her, to dot upon and worship her, to have reason to think that when she was with other people she was yet mindful of me seemed to me the summit of human ambition. I am sure it was the summit of mine. There is no doubt whatever that I was a lackadaisical young Spoonie, but there was a purity of heart in all this that prevents my having quite a contemptuous recollection of it, let me laugh as I may. I had not been walking long when I turned a corner and met her. I tingled again from head to foot as my recollection turns that corner and my pen shakes in my hand. You are out early Miss Penlo, said I.  She talks such nonsense about it's been necessary for the day to be aired before I come out. Eared! She laughed here in the most melodious manner. On a Sunday morning when I don't practice I must do something. So I told Papa last night I must come out. Besides, it's the brightest time of the whole day. Don't you think so? I hazarded a bold flight and said, not without stammering, that it was very bright to me then that it had been very dark to me a minute before. Do you mean a compliment? said Dora, or that the weather has really changed? I stammered worse than before in replying that I meant no, compliment, but the plain truth, though I was not aware of any change having taken place in the weather. It was in the state of my own feelings I had it bashfully to clench the explanation. I never saw such curls. How could I? For there never were such curls as those she shook out to hide her blushes. As to the straw hat and blue ribbons which was on the top of the curls, if I could only have hung it up in my room in Buckingham Street, what a priceless possession it would have been. You have just come home from Paris, said I. Yes, said she. Have you ever been there? No. Oh, I hope you'll go soon. You would like it so much. Traces of deep-seated anguish appeared in my countenance. That she should hope I would go. That she should think it possible I could go was insupportable. I depreciated Paris. I depreciated France. I said I wouldn't leave England under existing circumstances for any earthly consideration. Nothing should induce me. In short, she was shaking the curls again when the little dog came running along the walk to our relief. He was mortally jealous of me and persisted in barking at me. She took him up in her arms, oh my goodness, and caressed him. But he persisted upon barking still. He wouldn't let me touch him when I tried, and then she beat him. It increased my sufferings greatly to see the patch she gave him for punishment on the bridge of his blunt nose while he winked his eyes and licked her hand and still growled within himself like a little double-base. At length he was quiet. Well, he might be with her dimpled chin upon his head, and he walked away to look at a greenhouse. You're not very intimate with Miss Murdstone, are you? said Dora. My pet. The two last words were to the dog. I've only been to me. No, I replied, not at all so. She's a tarsome creature, said Dora, pouting. I can't think what Papa could have been about when he chose such a vexatious thing to be my companion. Who wants a protector? I'm sure I don't want a protector. Chip can protect me a great deal better than Miss Murdstone. Can't you, Chip, dear? He only winked lazily when she kissed his ball of a head. She calls her my confidential friend, but I'm sure she is no such thing, is she, Chip? We're not going to confide in any such cross-people, Chip and I. We mean to bestow our confidence where we like, and to find out our own friends, instead of having them found out for us, don't we, Chip? Chip made a comfortable noise in answer, a little like a tea kettle when it sings. As for me, every word was a new heap of dust. It is very hard because we have not a kind mama that we are to have, instead, a sulky, gloomy old thing like Miss Murdstone always following us about. Isn't it, Chip? Never mind, Chip. We won't be confidential, and we'll make ourselves happy as we can in spite of her, and we'll tease her and not please her when we, Chip. If it had lasted any longer, I think I must have gone down on my knees and been presently ejected from the premises besides. But by good fortune the greenhouse was not far off, and these words brought us to it. It contained quite a show of beautiful geraniums. We loitered along in front of them, and Dora often stopped to mar this one or that one, and I stopped to mar the same one, and Dora, laughing, held the dog up childishly to smell the flowers. And if we were not all three in Farreland, certainly I was. The scent of a geranium leaf at this day strikes me with a half-comical, half-serious wonder as to what change has come over me in a moment. And then I see a straw hat and blue ribbons and a quantity of curls and a little black dog being held up in two slender arms against a bank of blossoms and bright leaves. Miss Murdstone had been looking for us. She found us here and presented her uncongenial cheek the little wrinkles in it filled with hair-powder to Dora to be kissed. Then she took Dora's arm in hers and marched us into breakfast as if it were a soldier's funeral. How many cups of tea I drank because Dora made it, I don't know. But I perfectly remember that I sat swilling tea until my whole nervous system, if I'd had any in those days, bored. By and by we went to church. Miss Murdstone was between Dora and me in the pew. But I heard her sing and the congregation vanished. A sermon was delivered about Dora, of course, and I'm afraid that is all I know of the service. We had a quiet day. No company, a walk, a family dinner of four and an evening of looking over books and pictures.  Little did Mr. Spenner imagine when he sat opposite to me after dinner that day with his pocket-hank chief over his head how fervently I was embracing him in my fancy as his son-in-law. Little did he think when I took leave of him at night that he'd just given his full consent to my being engaged to Dora and the things on his head. We departed early in the morning for we had a salvage-case coming out in the ambronty court requiring a rather accurate knowledge of the whole science of navigation in which, as we couldn't be expected to know much about those matters in the commons, the judge had entreated two old Trinity masters for charity's sake to come and help him out. Dora was at the breakfast table to make the tea again, however, and I had the melancholy pleasure of giving my hat to her in the faton as she stood on the doorstep with jib in her arms. What the ambronty was to me that day what nonsense I made of our case in my mind as I listened to it how I saw Dora engraved upon the blade of the silver oar which they lay upon the table as the emblem of that high jurisdiction and how I felt when Mr. Spenner went home without me I had had an insane hope that he might take me back again and the ship to which I belonged had sailed away and left me on a desert island I shall make no fruitless effort to describe if that sleepy old court could rouse itself and present in any visible form the daydreams I've had in it about Dora it would reveal my truth. I don't mean the dreams that I dreamed on that day alone but day after day from week to week and term to term I went there not to attend what was going on but to think about Dora if ever I bestowed a thought upon the cases as they dragged their slow length before me it was only to wonder in the matrimonial cases remembering Dora how it was that married people could ever be otherwise unhappy and in the prerogative cases to consider if the money in question had been left to me what were the foremost steps I should immediately have taken in regard to Dora within the first week of my passion I bought four sumptuous waistcoats not for myself I had no pride in them for Dora I took to wearing straw colored kid gloves in the streets and laid the foundations of all the corns I've ever had if the boots I wore at that period could only be produced compared with the natural size of my feet they would show what the state of my heart was in a most affecting manner and yet I took myself by this act of homage to Dora I walked miles upon miles daily in the hope of seeing her not only was I soon as well known on the Norwood Road as the postman on that beat but I pervaded London likewise I walked about the streets where the best shops for ladies were I haunted the bazaar like an unquarred spirit I faked through the park again and again long after I was quite knocked up sometimes at long intervals and on rare occasions I saw her perhaps I saw her love waved in a carriage window perhaps I met her, walked with her and mismerged her in a little way and spoke to her in the latter case I was always very miserable afterwards to think that I had said nothing to the purpose or that she had no idea of the extent of my devotion or that she cared nothing about me I was always looking out as may be supposed for another invitation to Mr. Spenlow's house I was always being disappointed for I got none Mrs. Krupp must have been a woman of penetration for when this attachment was about a few weeks old and I had not had the courage to write more explicitly even to Agnes than that I had been to Mr. Spenlow's house whose family I had it consists of one daughter's Mrs. Krupp must have been a woman of penetration for even in that early stage she found it out she came up to me one evening when I was very low to ask me, she be then afflicted with the disorder I have mentioned if I could oblige her with a little tincture of cardamoms mixed with rhubarb and flavoured with seven drops of the essence of cloves which was the best remedy for her complaint or if I had not such a thing by me with a little brandy it was not, she remarked so palatable to her but it was the next best as I had never even heard of the first remedy and always had the second in the closet I gave Mrs. Krupp a glass of the second which, that I might have been no suspicion of it being devoted to any improper use she began to take in my presence cure up, sir, said Mrs. Krupp I can't bear to see you so, sir I'm a mother myself I did not quite perceive the application of this fact to myself but I smiled on Mrs. Krupp as benignly as was in my power come, sir, said Mrs. Krupp excuse me, I know what it is, sir there's a lady in the case Mrs. Krupp I returned, reddening oh, bless you, keep a good heart, sir said Mrs. Krupp, nodding encouragement never say die, sir if she don't smile upon you there's as many will you are a young gentleman to be smiled on, Mr. Copperful and you must learn your value, sir Mrs. Krupp always caught me Mr. Copperful, first in a doubt because it was not my name and secondly, I'm inclined to think in some indistinct association with a washing-day what makes you suppose there is any young lady in the case, Mrs. Krupp, said I Mr. Copperful, said Mrs. Krupp with a great deal of feeling I'm a mother myself for some time Mrs. Krupp could only lay her hand upon her nankine bosom and fortify herself against returning pain with sips of her medicine at length she spoke again when the present set were took for you by your dear arm, Mr. Copperful said Mrs. Krupp my remark were I had now found someone I could care for that evening was the expression I've now found someone I can care for you don't eat enough, sir nor yet drink is that what you found your supposition on Mrs. Krupp said I sir, said Mrs. Krupp in a tone approaching to severity I've laundered other young gentleman besides yourself a young gentleman may be over-careful of himself or he may be under-careful of himself he may brush his air too regular or too un-regular he may wear his boots much too large for him or much too small that is according as the young gentleman has his original character formed but let him go to the which extreme he may, sir there's a young lady in both of them Mrs. Krupp shook her head in such a determined manner that I had not an inch of vantage ground left he was but the gentleman which died here before yourself, said Mrs. Krupp that fell in love with a bar-maid and at his waist-coats took in directly they were much swelled by drinking Mrs. Krupp said I must beg you not to connect the young lady in my case with a bar-maid or anything of that sort of you please Mr. Copperful returned Mrs. Krupp I'm a mother-myself and not lightly I ask you pardon, sir, if I intrude I should never wish to intrude where I were not welcome but you're a young gentleman, Mr. Copperful and my advice to you is to cheer up, sir, to keep a good heart and to know your own value if you was to take to something, sir, said Mrs. Krupp if you was to take to Skittles now which is healthy you might find it a virtue-mind and do you could with these words Mrs. Krupp affecting to be very careful of the brandy which was all gone thanked me with a majestic curtsy and retired as her figure disappeared into the gloom of the entry this council certainly presented itself to my mind in the light of a slight liberty on Mrs. Krupp's part but at the same time I was content to receive it in another point of view as a word to the wise and a warning in future to keep my secret better End of Chapter 26 Recording by Simon Evers Chapter 27 of David Copperfield This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This reading by Deborah Lynn David Copperfield by Charles Dickens Chapter 27 Tommy Traddles It may have been in consequence of Mrs. Krupp's advice and perhaps for no better reason than because there was a certain similarity in the sound of the word Skittles and Traddles and to my head next day to go and look after Traddles The time he had mentioned was more than out and he lived in a little street near the veterinary college at Camden Town which was principally talented as one of our clerks who lived in that direction informed me by gentlemen students who bought live donkeys and made experiments on those quadrupeds in their private apartments Having obtained from this clerk I set out the same afternoon to visit my old school fellow I found that the street was not as desirable a one as I could have wished it to be for the sake of Traddles The inhabitants appeared to have a propensity to throw any little trifles they were not in want of into the road which not only made it rank and sloppy but untidy too on account of the cabbage leaves The refuse was not wholly vegetable either It was a black pan, a black bonnet and an umbrella in various stages of decomposition as I was looking out for the number I wanted The general air of the place reminded me forcibly of the days when I lived with Mr. and Mrs. McAlber An indescribable character of faded gentility that attached to the house I sought and made it unlike all the other houses in the street though they were all built on one monotonous pattern and looked like the early copies were starting to make houses and had not yet got out of his cramped brick and mortar pot-hooked reminded me still more of Mr. and Mrs. McAlber Happening to arrive at the door as it was open to the afternoon milkman I was reminded of Mr. and Mrs. McAlber more forcibly yet Now, said the milkman to a very youthful servant girl has that their little bill of mind been here done? Oh, master says he'll attend because, said the milkman going on as if he had received no answer and speaking as I judged from his tone rather for the edification of somebody within the house than of the youthful servant an impression which was strengthened by his manner of glaring down the passage because that their little bill has been running so long that I begin to believe it's run away altogether and never won't be heard of Now, I'm not going to stand it, you know said the milkman still throwing his voice into the house and glaring down the passage as to his dealing in the mild article of milk by the by there never was a greater anomaly his deportment would have been fierce in a butcher or a brandy merchant the voice of the youthful servant became faint but she seemed to me from the action of her lips again to murmur that it would be attended to immediate I tell you what, said the milkman looking hard at her for the first time and taking her by the chin are you fond of milk yes, I like it, she replied good, said the milkman then you won't have none tomorrow, do you hear not a fragment of milk you won't have tomorrow I thought she seemed upon the whole relieved by the prospect of having any today the milkman after shaking his head at her darkly released her chin and with anything rather than good will opened his can and deposited the usual quantity in the family jug this done he went away muttering and uttered the cry of his trade next door in a vindictive shriek does Mr. Trattles live here, I then inquired a mysterious voice from the end of the passage replied yes upon which the youthful servant replied yes is he at home, said I again the mysterious voice replied in the affirmative and again the servant echoed it I walked in and in pursuance of the servant's directions walked up stairs conscious as I passed the back parlor door that I was surveyed by a mysterious eye probably belonging to the mysterious voice when I got to the top of the stairs the house was only a story high above the ground floor Trattles was on the landing to meet me he was delighted to see me and gave me welcome with great heartiness to his little room it was in the front of the house and extremely neat though sparsely furnished it was his only room I saw for there was a sofa bedstead in it and his blacking brushes and blacking were among his books on the top shelf behind a dictionary his table was covered with papers and he was hard at work in an old coat I looked at nothing that I know of but I saw everything even to the prospect of a church upon his china ink stand and he had to get down and this too was a faculty confirmed in me in the old macabre times various ingenious arrangements he had made for the disguise of his chest of drawers and the accommodation of his boots his shaving glass and so forth particularly impressed themselves upon me as evidences of the same Trattles who used to make models of elephants dens in writing paper to put flies in and to comfort himself under ill usage in a corner of the room was something neatly covered up with a large white cloth I could not make out what that was Trattles said I shaking hands with him again after I had sat down I am delighted to see you I am delighted to see you Copperfield he returned I am very glad indeed to see you it was because I was thoroughly glad to see you when we met in Ely Place I was sure you were thoroughly glad to see me but I gave you this address instead of my address at Chambers oh you have Chambers said I why I have the fourth of a room and a passage and the fourth of a clerk returned Trattles three others and myself unite to have a set of chambers to look business like and we quarter the clerk too half a crown a week he costs me his old simple character and good temper and something of his old unlucky fortune also I thought he smiled at me in the smile with which he made this explanation it's not because I have the least pride Copperfield you understand said Trattles but I don't usually give my address here it's only on account of those who come to me who might not like to come here for myself I am fighting my way on in the world against difficulties and it would be ridiculous if I made a pretense of doing anything else you are reading for the bar Mr. Waterbrook informed me Mr. Waterbrook said I why yes said Trattles rubbing his hands slowly over one another I am reading for the bar the fact is I have just begun to keep my terms after rather a long delay it's sometimes since I was article but the payment of that hundred pounds was a great pull a great pull said Trattles with a wince as if he had had a tooth out do you know what I can't help thinking of Trattles as I sit here looking at you no said he that sky blue suit you used to wear Lord to be sure cried Trattles laughing tight on the arms and legs you know dear me well those were happy times weren't they I think our school master might have made them happier without doing any harm to any of us I acknowledge I returned perhaps he might said Trattles but dear me there was a good deal of fun going on do you remember the nights in the bedroom you used to have the suppers and when you used to tell the stories and do you remember when I got caned for crying about Mr. Mel old creakle I should like to see him again too it was a brute to you Trattles said I indignantly for his good humor made me feel as if I had seen him beaten but yesterday do you think so return Trattles really perhaps he was rather but it's all over a long while old creakle you were brought up by an uncle then said I of course I was said Trattles the one I was always going to write to and always didn't a yes I had an uncle then he died soon after I left school indeed yes he was a retired what do you call it draper cloth merchant and had made me his heir but he didn't like me when I grew up do you really mean that said I he was so composed that I fancied you must have some other meaning oh dear yes copperfield I mean it replied Trattles it was an unfortunate thing but he didn't like me at all he said I wasn't at all what he expected and so he married his housekeeper and what did you do I asked I didn't do anything in particular said Trattles I lived with them waiting to be put out in the world until his go out unfortunately flew to his stomach and so he died and so she married a young man and so I wasn't provided for did you get nothing Trattles after all oh dear yes said Trattles I got fifty pounds I had never been brought up to any profession and at first I was at a loss what to do for myself however I began with the assistance of the son of a professional man who had been to Salem house with his nose on one side do you recollect him no he had not been there with me all the noses were straight in my day it don't matter said Trattles I began by means of his assistance to copy law writings that didn't answer very well and then I began to state cases for them and make abstracts and that sort of work for I am a plotting kind of fellow Copperfield and had learnt the way of doing such things pithily well that put it in my head to enter myself as a law student and that ran away with all that was left of the fifty pounds you all are recommended me to one or two other offices however Mr. Waterbrooks for one and I got a good many jobs I was fortunate enough too to become acquainted with a person in the publishing way who was getting up an encyclopedia and he sent me to work and indeed glancing at his table I am at work for him at this minute I am not a bad compiler Copperfield said Trattles preserving the same air of cheerful confidence in all he said but I have no invention at all not a particle I suppose there never was a young man with less originality than I have as Trattles seemed to expect that I should ascent to this as a matter of course I nodded and he went on with the same sprightly patience I can find no better expression as before so by little and little and not living high I managed to scrape up the hundred pounds at last said Trattles and thank heaven that's paid though it was though it certainly was said Trattles wincing again as if he had had another tooth out a pull I am living by the sort of work I have mentioned still and I hope one of these days to get connected with some newspaper which would almost be the making of my fortune now Copperfield you are so exactly what you used to be with that agreeable face and it's so pleasant to see you that I shan't conceal anything you must know that I am engaged engaged oh Dora she is a curate daughter said Trattles one of ten down in Devonshire yes for he saw me glance involuntarily at the prospect on the ink stand that's the church you come round here to the left out of this gate tracing his finger along the ink stand and exactly where I hold this pen there stands the house facing you understand towards the church the delight with which he entered into these particulars did not fully present itself to me until afterwards for my selfish thoughts were making a ground plan of Mr. Spenlow's house and garden at the same moment she is such a dear girl said Trattles a little older than me but the dearest girl I told you I was going out of town I have been down there I walked there and I walked back and I had the most delightful time I dare say ours is likely to be a rather long engagement but our motto is wait and hope we always say that wait and hope we always say and she would wait Copperfield till she was sixty any age you can mention for me Trattles rose from his chair and with a triumphant smile put his hand upon the white cloth I had observed however he said it's not that we haven't made a beginning towards housekeeping no no we have begun we must get on by degrees but we have begun here drawing the cloth off with great pride and care a two pieces of furniture to commence with this flower pot and stand she bought herself you put that in a parlor window said Trattles falling a little back from it to survey it with the greater admiration with a plant in it and there you are this little round table with the marble top it's two feet ten in circumference I bought you want to lay a book down you know or somebody comes to see you or your wife and wants a place to stand a cup of tea upon and and there you are again said Trattles it's an admirable piece of workmanship firm as a rock I praised them both highly and Trattles replaced the covering as carefully as he had removed it it's not a great deal towards the furnishing said Trattles but it's something the table cloths and pillowcases and articles of that kind of what discouraged me most Copperfield so does the iron mongry candle boxes and grid irons and that sort of necessaries because those things tell and mount up however weight and hope and I assure you she's the dearest girl I'm quite certain of it said I in the meantime said Trattles coming back to his chair and this is the end of my prosing about myself I get on as well as I can make much but I don't spend much in general I board with the people downstairs who are very agreeable people indeed both Mr. and Mrs. McCobber have seen a good deal of life in our excellent company my dear Trattles I quickly exclaimed what are you talking about Trattles looked at me as if he wondered what I was talking about Mr. and Mrs. McCobber I repeated why I am intimately acquainted with them an opportune double knock at the door which I knew well from old experience in Windsor Terrace and which nobody but Mr. McCobber could ever have knocked at that door resolved any doubt in my mind as to their being my old friends I begged Trattles to ask his landlord to walk up Trattles accordingly did so over the banister and Mr. McCobber not a bit changed his tights his stick his shirt collar and his eyeglass all the same as ever came into the room with a gentile and youthful air I begged your pardon Mr. Trattles said Mr. McCobber with the old roll in his voice as he checked himself and humming a soft tune I was not aware that there was any individual alien to this tenement in your sanctum Mr. McCobber slightly bowed to me and pulled up his shirt collar how do you do Mr. McCobber said I sir said Mr. McCobber you are exceedingly obliging Mr. McCobber and Mrs. McCobber I pursued sir said Mr. McCobber she is also thank God instead of coal and the children Mr. McCobber sir said Mr. McCobber I rejoice to reply that they are likewise in the enjoyment of solubility all this time Mr. McCobber had not known me in the least though he had stood face to face with me but now seeing me smile he examined my features with more attention fell back, cried is it possible have I the pleasure of again beholding copper field and shook me by both hands with the utmost fervor good heaven Mr. Trattles said Mr. McCobber to think that I should find you acquainted with a friend of my youth the companion of earlier days my dear calling over the banisters to Mrs. McCobber while Trattles looked with reason not a little amaze of this description of me here is a gentleman in Mr. Trattles' apartment whom he wishes to have the pleasure of presenting to you my love Mr. McCobber immediately reappeared and shook hands with me again and how is our good friend the doctor copper field said Mr. McCobber and all the circle at Canterbury I have known but good accounts of them said I I am most delighted to hear it said Mr. McCobber last met within the shadow I may figuratively say of that religious edifice immortalized by Chaucer which was anciently the resort of pilgrims from the remotest corners of in short said Mr. McCobber in the immediate neighborhood of the cathedral I replied that it was Mr. McCobber continued talking as voluble as he could but not I thought without showing by some marks of concern in his countenance that he was sensible of sounds in the next room as of Mrs. McCobber washing her hands and hurriedly opening and shutting drawers that were uneasy in their action you find us copper field said Mr. McCobber with one eye on Trattles at present established on what may be designated as a small and unassuming scale but you are aware that I have in the course of my career surmounted difficulties and conquered obstacles you are no stranger to the fact that there have been periods when it has been requisite that I should pause until certain expected events should turn up when it has been necessary that I should fall back before making what I trust I shall not be accused of presumption interming a spring the present is one of those momentous stages in the life of man you find me fallen back for a spring and I have every reason to believe that a vigorous leap will shortly be the result I was expressing my satisfaction when Mrs. McCobber came in a little more slatter than she used to be or so she seemed now to my unaccustomed eyes but still with some preparation of herself for company and with a pair of brown gloves on my dear said Mr. McCobber leading her towards me here is a gentleman of the name of copper field who wishes to renew his acquaintance with you it would have been better as it turned out to have led gently up to this announcement for Mrs. McCobber being in a delicate state of health was overcome by it and was taken so unwell that Mr. McCobber was obliged in great trepidation to run down to the water but in the backyard and draw a basin full to leave her bra with she presently revived however and was really pleased to see me we had half an hour's talk all together and I asked her about the twins who she said were grown great creatures and after master and miss McCobber when she described absolute giants but they were not produced on that occasion Mr. McCobber was very anxious that I should stay to dinner I should not have been averse to do so but that I imagined I detected trouble and calculation relative to the extent of the cold meat and Mrs. McCobber's eye I therefore pleaded another engagement and observing that Mrs. McCobber's spirits were immediately lightened I resisted all persuasion to forgo it but I told Tradles and Mr. and Mrs. McCobber that before I could think of leaving they must appoint a day when they would come and dine with me the occupations to which Tradles stood pledged rendered it necessary to fix a somewhat distant one but an appointment was made for the purpose that suited us all and then I took my leave Mr. McCobber under pretence of showing me a nearer way than that by which I had come accompanied me to the corner of the street being anxious he explained to me to say a few words to an old friend in confidence my dear Copperfield said Mr. McCobber I need hardly tell you that to have beneath our roof under existing circumstances a mind like that which gleams if I may be allowed the expression which gleams in your friend Tradles is an unspeakable comfort with a washerwoman who exposes hard bake for sale in her parlor window dwelling next door and a bow street officer residing over the way you may imagine that his society is a source of consolation to myself and to Mrs. McCobber I am at present my dear Copperfield engaged in the sale of corn upon commission it is not an avocation of a remunerative description in other words it does not pay and some temporary embarrassments of a pecuniary nature have been the consequence I am however delighted to add that I have now an immediate prospect of something turning up I am not at liberty to say in what direction which I trust will enable me to provide permanently both for myself and for your friend Tradles in whom I have an unaffected interest you may perhaps be prepared to hear that Mrs. McCobber is in a state of health which renders it not wholly improbable that an addition may be ultimately made to those pledges of affection which in short to the infantine group Mrs. McCobber's family have been so good as to express their dissatisfaction at this state of things I have merely to observe that I am not aware that it is any business of theirs and that I repel that exhibition of feeling with scorn and with defiance Mr. McCobber then shook hands with me again and left me End of Chapter 27 Chapter 28 of David Copperfield This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org This reading by Deborah Lynn David Copperfield by Charles Dickens Chapter 28, Mr. McCobber's Gauntlet Until the day arrived on which I was to entertain my newly found old friends I lived principally on Dora and coffee In my love-lorn condition my appetite languished and I was glad of it for I felt as though it would have been an act of perfidy towards Dora to have a natural relish for my dinner The quantity of walking exercise I took was not in this respect attended with its usual consequence as the disappointment counteracted the fresh air I have my doubts too founded on the acute experience acquired at this period of my life whether a sound enjoyment of animal food developed itself freely in any human subject who was always in torment from tight boots I think the extremities required to be at peace before the stomach will conduct itself with vigor On the occasion of this domestic little party I did not repeat my former extensive preparations I merely provided a pair of soles a small leg of mutton and a pigeon pie Mrs. Krupp broke out into rebellion on my first bashful hint in reference to the cooking of the fish and joint and said with a dignified sense of injury No, no sir, you will not ask me such a thing for you are better acquainted with me than to suppose me capable of doing what I cannot do with ampule satisfaction to my own feelings But in the end a compromise was affected and Mrs. Krupp consented to achieve this feat on condition that I dined from home for a fortnight afterwards And here I may remark that what I underwent for Mrs. Krupp in consequence of the tyranny she established over me was dreadful I never was so much afraid of anyone We made a compromise of everything If I hesitated she was taken with that wonderful disorder which was always lying in ambush in her system ready at the shortest notice to prey upon her vitals If I rang the bell impatiently after half a dozen unavailing modest pulls and she appeared at last which was not by any means to be relied upon she would appear with a reproachful aspect sink breathless on a chair near the door lay her hand upon her nankine bosom and become so ill that I was glad at any sacrifice of brandy or anything else to get rid of her If I objected to having my bed made at five o'clock in the afternoon which I do still think an uncomfortable arrangement one motion of her hand towards the same nankine region of wounded sensibility was enough to make me falter in apology In short I would have done anything in an honorable way rather than give Mrs. Krupp a fence and she was the terror of my life I bought a second hand dumbwaiter for this dinner party in preference to re-engaging the handy young man against whom I had conceived a prejudice in consequence of meeting him in the strand one Sunday morning in a waistcoat remarkably like one of mine which had been missing since the former occasion The young gal was re-engaged but on the stipulation that she should only bring in the dishes and then withdraw to the landing place beyond the outer door where a habit of sniffing she had contracted would be lost upon the guests and where her retiring on the plates would be a physical impossibility Having laid in the materials for a bowl of punch to be compounded by Mr. McCauber having provided a bottle of lavender water two wax candles a paper of mixed pins and a pin cushion to assist Mrs. McCauber in her toilet at my dressing table having also caused a fire in my bedroom to be lighted for Mrs. McCauber's convenience and having laid the cloth with my own hands I awaited the result with composure At the appointed time my three visitors arrived together Mr. McCauber with more shirt collar than usual and a new ribbon to his eyeglass Mrs. McCauber with her cap and a whitey brown paper parcel treadles carrying a parcel and supporting Mrs. McCauber on his arm They were all delighted with my residence When I conducted Mrs. McCauber to my dressing table and she saw the scale on which it was prepared for her She was in such raptures that she called Mr. McCauber to come in and look My dear Copperfield, said Mr. McCauber This is luxurious This is a way of life which reminds me of the period when I was myself in a state of celibacy and Mrs. McCauber had not yet been solicited to plight her face at the Hymenial altar He means solicited by him Mr. Copperfield, said Mrs. McCauber archly He cannot answer for others My dear, returned Mr. McCauber with sudden seriousness I have no desire to answer for others I am too well aware that when the inscrutable decrees of fate you were reserved for me it is possible you may have been reserved for one destined after a protracted struggle at length to fall a victim to pecuniary involvements of a complicated nature I understand your allusion, my love I regret it, but I can bear it McCauber, exclaimed Mrs. McCauber in tears Have I deserved this?  My love, said Mr. McCauber, much affected You will forgive, and our old and tried friend Copperfield will, I am sure, forgive the momentary laceration of a wounded spirit made sensitive by a recent collision with the minion of power In other words, with a ribbled turncock attached to the waterworks and will pity not condemn its excesses Mr. McCauber then embraced Mrs. McCauber and pressed my hand, leaving me to infer from this broken illusion that his domestic supply of water had been cut off that afternoon in consequence of default in the payment of the company's rates To divert his thoughts from this melancholy subject I informed Mr. McCauber that I relied upon him for a bowl of punch and led him to the lemons His recent despondency, not to say despair was gone in a moment I never saw a man so thoroughly enjoy himself amid the fragrance of lemon peel and sugar the odor of burning rum and the steam of boiling water as Mr. McCauber did that afternoon It was wonderful to see his face shining at us out of a thin cloud of these delicate fumes as he stirred and mixed and tasted and looked as if he were making, instead of punch a fortune for his family down to the latest posterity As to Mrs. McCauber I don't know whether it was the effect of the cap or the lavender water or the pins or the fire or the wax candles, but she came out of my room comparatively speaking, lovely and the lark was never gayer than that excellent woman I suppose, I never ventured to inquire but I suppose that Mrs. Crop, after frying the souls was taken ill, because we broke down at that point The leg of mutton came up very red within and very pale without, besides having a foreign substance of a gritty nature sprinkled over it as if it had had a fall into the ashes of that remarkable kitchen fireplace But we were not in condition to judge of this fact from the appearance of the gravy for as much as the young gal had dropped it all upon the stairs where it remained by the by in a long train until it was worn out The pigeon pie was not bad, but it was a delusive pie the crust being like a disappointing head phrenologically speaking full of lumps and bumps with nothing particular underneath In short, the banquet was such a failure that I should have been quite unhappy about the failure I mean for I was always unhappy about Dora if I had not been relieved by the great good humor of my company and by a bright suggestion from Mr. McAlber My dear friend Copperfield said Mr. McAlber accidents will occur in the best regulated families and in families not regulated by that pervading influence which sanctifies while it enhances the A, I would say, in short by the influence of woman in the lofty character of wife they may be expected with confidence and must be born with philosophy If you will allow me to take the liberty of remarking that there are few commestibles better in their way than a devil and that I believe with a little division of labor we could accomplish a good one if the young person in attendance could produce a gridiron I would put it to you that this little misfortune may be easily repaired There was a gridiron in the pantry on which my morning rasher of bacon was cooked We had it in, in a twinkling and immediately applied ourselves to carrying Mr. McAlber's idea into effect The division of labor to which he had referred was this Traddles cut the mutton into slices Mr. McAlber, who could do anything of this sort to perfection covered them with pepper, mustard, salt and cayenne I put them on the gridiron turned them with a fork and took them off under Mr. McAlber's direction and Mrs. McAlber heated and continually stirred some mushroom ketchup in a little saucepan When we had slices enough done to begin upon we fell too with our sleeves still tucked up at the wrist more slices sputtering and blazing on the fire the mutton divided between the mutton on our plates and the mutton then preparing What with the novelty of this cookery the excellence of it, the bustle of it the frequent starting up to look after it the frequent sitting down to dispose of it as the crisp slices came off the gridiron hot and hot the being so busy, so flushed with the fire so amused and in the midst of such attempting noise and savor we reduced the leg of mutton to the bone my own appetite came back miraculously I am ashamed to record it, but I really believe I forgot Dora for a little while I am satisfied that Mr. and Mrs. McAlber could not have enjoyed the feast more if they had sold a bed to provide it Traddle's laughed as heartily almost the whole time as he ate and worked Indeed we all did, all at once and I daresay there was never a greater success We were at the height of our enjoyment and were all busily engaged in our several departments endeavoring to bring the last batch of slices to a state of perfection that we should crown the feast when I was aware of a strange presence in the room and my eyes encountered those of the staid litimer standing hat in hand before me What's the matter, I involuntarily asked I beg your pardon, sir, I was directed to come in Is my master not here, sir? No Have you not seen him, sir? No, don't you come from him? Not immediately so, sir Did he tell you you would find him here? Not exactly so, sir, but I should think he might be here tomorrow as he has not been here today Is he coming up from Oxford? I beg, sir, he returned respectfully that you will be seated and allow me to do this with which he took the fork from my unresisting hand and bent over the gridiron as if his whole attention were concentrated on it We should not have been much discomposed, I daresay by the appearance of Steerforth himself but we became, in a moment, the meekest of the meek before his respectable serving man Mr. McCauber humming a tune to show that he was quite at ease subsided into his chair with the handle of a hastily concealed fork sticking out of the bosom of his coat as if he had stabbed himself Mr. McCauber put on her brown gloves and assumed a gentile langer Traddles ran his greasy hands through his hair and stood it bolt upright and stared in confusion on the tablecloth As for me, I was a mere infant at the head of my own table and hardly ventured to glance at the respectable phenomenon who had come from heaven knows where to put my establishment to rights Meanwhile, he took the mutton off the gridiron and gravely handed it round We all took some, but our appreciation of it was gone and we merely made a show of eating it As we severally pushed away our plates he noiselessly removed them and set on the cheese He took that off too when it was done with cleared the table piled everything on the dumbwaiter gave us our wine glasses and of his own accord wheeled the dumbwaiter into the pantry All this was done in a perfect manner and he never raised his eyes from what he was about Yet his very elbows, when he had his back towards me seemed to team with the expression of his fixed opinion that I was extremely young Can I do anything more, sir? I thanked him and said no, but would he take no dinner himself? None, I am obliged to you, sir Is Mr. Steerforth coming from Oxford? I beg your pardon, sir Is Mr. Steerforth coming from Oxford? I should imagine that he might be here tomorrow, sir I rather thought he might have been here today, sir The mistake is mine, no doubt, sir If you should see him first, said I If you'll excuse me, sir, I don't think I shall see him first In case you do, said I pray say that I am sorry he was not here today as an old school fellow of his was here Indeed, sir I did a bow between me and Trattles with a glance at the ladder He was moving softly to the door when in a forlorn hope of saying something naturally which I never could to this man I said, oh, Littimer, sir Did you remain long at Yarmouth that time? Not particularly so, sir You saw the boat completed? Yes, sir, I remained behind on purpose to see the boat completed I know, he raised his eyes to mine respectfully Mr. Steerforth has not seen it yet, I suppose I really can't say, sir, I think, but I really can't say, sir I wish you good night, sir He comprehended everybody present in the respectful bow with which he followed these words and disappeared My visitors seemed to breathe more freely when he was gone but my own relief was very great for besides the constraint arising from that extraordinary sense of being at a disadvantage which I always had in this man's presence my conscience had embarrassed me with whispers that I had mistrusted his master and I could not repress a vague, uneasy dread that he might find it out How was it having so little in reality to conceal that I always did feel as if this man were finding me out? Mr. Maccabre roused me from this reflection which was blended with a certain remorseful apprehension of seeing Steerforth himself by bestowing many encomiums on the absent littermer as a most respectable fellow and a thoroughly admirable servant Mr. Maccabre, I may remark, had taken his full share of the general bow and had received it with infinite condescension But punch, my dear Copperfield, said Mr. Maccabre, tasting it like time and tide waits for no man Ah, it is at the present moment in high flavor My love, will you give me your opinion? Mrs. Maccabre pronounced it excellent Then I will drink, said Mr. Maccabre if my friend Copperfield will permit me to take that social liberty to the days when my friend Copperfield and myself were younger and fought our way in the world side by side I may say of myself and Copperfield in words we have sung together before now that we, too, have run about the braze and put the gowns fine in a figurative point of view on several occasions I am not exactly aware, said Mr. Maccabre with the old role in his voice and the old indescribable air of saying something genteel what gowns may be but I have no doubt that Copperfield and myself would frequently have taken a pull at them if it had been feasible Mr. Maccabre, at the then present moment took a pull at his punch, so we all did Traddles evidently lost in wondering at what distant time Mr. Maccabre and I could have been comrades in the battle of the world Ahum, said Mr. Maccabre, clearing his throat and warming with the punch and with the fire My dear, another glass? Mrs. Maccabre said it must be very little but we couldn't allow that, so it was a glass full As we are quite confidential here, Mr. Copperfield said Mrs. Maccabre, sipping her punch Mr. Traddles being a part of our domesticity I should much like to have your opinion on Mr. Maccabre's prospect For corn, said Mrs. Maccabre, argumentatively as I have repeatedly said to Mr. Maccabre may be gentlemanly, but it is not remunerative Commissioned to the extent of two and nine pence in a fortnight cannot, however limited our ideas be considered remunerative We were all agreed upon that Then, said Mrs. Maccabre, who prided herself on taking a clear view of things and keeping Mr. Maccabre straight by her woman's wisdom when he might otherwise go a little crooked Then I asked myself this question If corn is not to be relied upon, what is? Are coals to be relied upon? Not at all We have turned our attention to that experiment on the suggestion of my family and we find it fallacious Mr. Maccabre, leaning back in his chair with his hands in his pockets, eyed us aside and nodded his head as much as to say that the case was very clearly put The articles of corn and coals, said Mrs. Maccabre still more argumentatively Being equally out of the question, Mr. Copperfield I naturally look round the world and say what is there in which a person of Mr. Maccabre's talent is likely to succeed And I exclude the doing anything on commission because commission is not a certainty What is best suited to a person of Mr. Maccabre's peculiar temperament is, I am convinced, a certainty Trattles and I both expressed by a feeling murmur that this great discovery was no doubt true of Mr. Maccabre and that it did him much credit I will not conceal from you, my dear Mr. Copperfield said Mrs. Maccabre that I have long felt the brewing business to be particularly adapted to Mr. Maccabre Look at Barclay and Perkins Look at Truman, Hanbury and Buxton It is on that extensive footing that Mr. Maccabre I know from my own knowledge of him is calculated to shine and the profits I am told are enormous But if Mr. Maccabre cannot get into those firms which declined to answer his letters when he offers his services even in an inferior capacity what is the use of dwelling upon that idea? None I may have a conviction that Mr. Maccabre's manners really, my dear, interposed Mr. Maccabre My love, be silent, said Mrs. Maccabre laying her brown glove on his hand I may have a conviction, Mr. Copperfield that Mr. Maccabre's manners peculiarly qualify him for the banking business I may argue within myself that if I had a deposit at a banking house the manners of Mr. Maccabre as representing that banking house would inspire confidence and must extend the connection But if the various banking houses refuse to avail themselves of Mr. Maccabre's abilities or receive the offer of them with contumely what is the use of dwelling upon that idea? None As to originating a banking business I may know that there are members of my family who, if they chose to place their money in Mr. Maccabre's hands might found an establishment of that description But if they do not choose to place their money in Mr. Maccabre's hands, which they don't what is the use of that? Again, I contend that we are no farther advanced than we were before I shook my head and said, not a bit Trattles also shook his head and said, not a bit What do I deduce from this? Mrs. Maccabre went on to say still with the same error of putting a case lucidly What is the conclusion, my dear Mr. Copperfield to which I am irresistibly brought? Am I wrong in saying it is clear that we must live? I answered, not at all And Trattles answered, not at all And I found myself afterwards, sagesly adding alone that a person must either live or die Just so returned Mrs. Maccabre It is precisely that And the fact is, my dear Mr. Copperfield that we cannot live without something widely different from existing circumstances shortly turning up Now, I am convinced myself and this I have pointed out to Mr. Maccabre several times of late that things cannot be expected to turn up of themselves We must, in a measure, assist to turn them up I may be wrong, but I have formed that opinion Both Trattles and I applauded it highly Very well, said Mrs. Maccabre Then what do I recommend? Here is Mr. Maccabre with a variety of qualifications with great talent Really, my love, said Mr. Maccabre Pray, my dear, allow me to conclude Here is Mr. Maccabre with a variety of qualifications with great talent, I should say with genius but that may be the partiality of a wife Trattles and I both murmured no And here is Mr. Maccabre without any suitable position or employment Where does that responsibility rest? Clearly, on society Then I would make a fact so disgraceful known and boldly challenged society to set it right It appears to me, my dear Mr. Copperfield said Mrs. Maccabre forcibly that what Mr. Maccabre has to do is to throw down the gauntlet to society and say, in effect, show me who will take that up Let the party immediately step forward I ventured to ask Mrs. Maccabre how this was to be done By advertising, said Mrs. Maccabre in all the papers It appears to me that what Mr. Maccabre has to do injustice to himself, injustice to his family and I will even go so far as to say injustice to society by which he has been hitherto overlooked is to advertise in all the papers to describe himself plainly as so-and-so with such and such qualifications and to put it thus Now employ me on remunerative terms and address post-paid to W.M. Post Office Camden Town This idea of Mrs. Maccabre's, my dear Copperfield said Mr. Maccabre, making his shirt-collar meat in front of his chin and glancing at me sideways is in fact the leap to which I alluded when I last had the pleasure of seeing you Advertising is rather expensive, I remarked, dubiously Exactly so, said Mrs. Maccabre, preserving the same logical air Quite true, my dear Mr. Copperfield I have made the identical observation to Mr. Maccabre It is for that reason, especially that I think Mr. Maccabre ought, as I have already said injustice to himself injustice to his family and injustice to society to raise a certain sum of money on a bill Mr. Maccabre, leaning back in his chair trifled with his eyeglass and cast his eyes up at the ceiling but I thought him observant of Traddles, too who was looking at the fire If no member of my family, said Mrs. Maccabre is possessed of sufficient natural feeling to negotiate that bill I believe there is a better business term to express what I mean Mr. Maccabre, with his eyes still cast up at the ceiling suggested, discount? To discount that bill, said Mrs. Maccabre then my opinion is that Mr. Maccabre should go into the city should take that bill into the money market and should dispose of it for what he can get If the individuals in the money market obliged Mr. Maccabre to sustain a great sacrifice that is between themselves and their consciences I view it steadily as an investment I recommend Mr. Maccabre, my dear Mr. Copperfield to do the same, to regard it as an investment which is sure of return and to make up his mind to any sacrifice I felt, but I am sure I don't know why that this was self-denying and devoted in Mrs. Maccabre and I uttered a murmur to that effect Traddles who took his tone from me did likewise still looking at the fire I will not, said Mrs. Maccabre, finishing her punch and gathering her scarf about her shoulders preparatory to her withdrawal to my bedroom I will not protract these remarks on the subject of Mr. Maccabre's pecuniary affairs At your fireside, my dear Mr. Copperfield and in the presence of Mr. Traddles who, though not so old a friend and quite one of ourselves I could not refrain from making you acquainted with the course I advised Mr. Maccabre to take I feel that the time has arrived when Mr. Maccabre should exert himself in I will add assert himself and it appears to me that these are the means I am aware that I am merely a female and that a masculine judgment is usually considered more competent to the discussion of such questions Still, I must not forget that when I lived at home with my papa and mama I was in the habit of saying, Emma's form is fragile but her grasp of a subject is inferior to none that my papa was too partial, I well know but that he was an observer of character in some degree, my duty and my reason equally forbid me to doubt With these words and resisting our entreaties that she would grace the remaining circulation of the punch with her presence Mrs. Maccabre retired to my bedroom and really, I felt that she was a noble woman the sort of woman who might have been a Roman matron and done all manner of heroic things in times of public trouble In the fervor of this impression I congratulated Mr. Maccabre on the treasure he possessed so did traddles Mr. Maccabre extended his hand to each of us in succession and then covered his face with his pocket handkerchief which I think had more snuff upon it than he was aware of and then returned to the punch in the highest state of exhilaration He was full of eloquence He gave us to understand that in our children we lived again and that under the pressure of pecuniary difficulties any accession to their number was doubly welcome He said that Mrs. Maccabre had laterally had her doubts on this point but that he had dispelled them and reassured her As to her family, they were totally unworthy of her and their sentiments were utterly indifferent to him At night, I quote his own expression, go to the devil Mr. Maccabre then delivered a warm eulogy on traddles He said traddles was a character to the steady virtues of which he Mr. Maccabre could lay no claim but which he thanked heaven he could admire He feelingly alluded to the young lady unknown whom traddles had honored with his affection and who had reciprocated that affection by honoring and blessing traddles with her affection Mr. Maccabre pledged her, so did I Traddles thanked us both by saying with a simplicity and honesty I had sense enough to be quite charmed with I am very much obliged to you indeed and I do assure you she's the dearest girl Mr. Maccabre took an early opportunity after that of hinting with the utmost delicacy and ceremony at the state of my affections Nothing but the serious assurance of his friend Copperfield to the contrary he observed could deprive him of the impression that his friend Copperfield loved and was beloved After feeling very hot and uncomfortable for some time and after a good deal of blushing, stammering, and denying I said, having my glass in my hand Well, I would give them D which so excited and gratified Mr. Maccabre that he ran with a glass of punch into my bedroom in order that Mrs. Maccabre might drink D drank it with enthusiasm, crying from within in a shrill voice Here, here, my dear Mr. Copperfield I am delighted, here, and tapping at the wall by way of applause Our conversation afterwards took a more worldly turn Mr. Maccabre telling us that he found Camden Town inconvenient and that the first thing he contemplated doing when the advertisement should have been the cause of something satisfactory turning up was to move He mentioned a terrace at the western end of Oxford Street fronting Hyde Park on which he had always had his eye but which he did not expect to attain immediately as it would require a large establishment There would probably be an interval he explained in which he should content himself with the upper part of a house over some respectable place of business say in Piccadilly which would be a cheerful situation for Mrs. Maccabre and where by throwing out a bow window or carrying up the roof another story or making some little alteration of that sort they might live comfortably and reputably for a few years Whatever was reserved for him, he expressly said or wherever his abode might be, we might rely on this there would always be a room for trattles and a knife and fork for meat We acknowledged his kindness and he begged us to forgive his having launched into these practical and business-like details and to excuse it as natural in one who was making entirely new arrangements in life Mrs. Maccabre, tapping at the wall again to know if tea were ready, broke up this particular phase of our friendly conversation She made tea for us in a most agreeable manner and whenever I went near her and handing about the tea cups and bread and butter asked me in a whisper whether tea was fair or dark or whether she was short or tall or something of that kind which I think I liked After tea we discussed a variety of topics before the fire and Mrs. Maccabre was good enough to sing us in a small thin flat voice which I remembered to have considered when I first knew her the very table beer of acoustics the favorite ballads of the dashing white sergeant and little tafflin for both of these songs Mrs. Maccabre had been famous when she lived at home with her papa and mama Mr. Maccabre told us that when he heard her sing the first one on the first occasion of his seeing her beneath the parental roof she had attracted his attention in an extraordinary degree but that when it came to little tafflin he had resolved to win that woman or perish in the attempt It was between 10 and 11 o'clock when Mrs. Maccabre rose to replace her cap in the whitey brown paper parcel and to put on her bonnet Mr. Maccabre took the opportunity of Tradles putting on his great coat to slip a letter into my hand with a whispered request that I would read it at my leisure I also took the opportunity of my holding a candle over the banisters to light them down when Mr. Maccabre was going first leading Mrs. Maccabre and Tradles was following with the cap to detain Tradles for a moment on the top of the stairs Tradles said I Mr. Maccabre don't mean any harm poor fellow but if I were you I wouldn't lend him anything My dear Copperfield returned Tradles smiling I haven't got anything to lend You have got a name you know said I Oh you called that something to lend? Returned Tradles with a thoughtful look Certainly Oh said Tradles yes to be sure Very much obliged to you Copperfield but I am afraid I have lent him that already For the bill that is to be a certain investment I inquired No said Tradles not for that one This is the first I have heard of that one I have been thinking that he will most likely propose that one on the way home Mine's another I hope there will be nothing wrong about it said I I hope not said Tradles I should think not though because he told me only the other day that it was provided for That was Mr. Maccabre's expression provided for Mr. Maccabre looking up at this juncture to where we were standing I had only time to repeat my caution Tradles thanked me and descended but I was much afraid when I observed the good-natured manner in which he went down with the cap in his hand and gave Mrs. Maccabre his arm He would be carried into the money market neck and heels I returned to my fireside and was musing half gravely and half laughing on the character of Mr. Maccabre and the old relations between us when I heard a quick step ascending the stairs At first I thought it was Tradles coming back for something Mrs. Maccabre had left behind but as the step approached I knew it and felt my heart beat high and the blood rushed to my face but it was Stierforth's I was never unmindful of Agnes and she never left that sanctuary in my thoughts if I may call it so where I had placed her from the first but when he entered and stood before me with his hand out the darkness that had fallen on him changed to light and I felt confounded and ashamed of having doubted one I loved so heartily I loved her nonetheless I thought of her as the same benignant, gentle angel in my life I approached myself, not her, with having done him an injury and I would have made him any atonement if I had known what to make and how to make it Why days the old boy, dumbfounded, laughed, Stierforth shaking my hand heartily and throwing it gaily away Have I detected you in another feast, you cyber-right? These Doctor's Commons fellows are the gayest men in town, I believe and beat us sober Oxford people all to nothing His bright glance went merrily round the room and the seat on the sofa opposite to me which Mrs. McCauber had recently vacated and stirred the fire into a blaze I was so surprised at first, said I, giving him welcome with all the cordiality I felt that I had hardly breath to greet you with, Stierforth Well, the sight of me is good for sore eyes as the scotch say, replied Stierforth and so is the sight of you, Daisy, in full bloom How are you, my bacchanal? I am very well, said I, and not at all bacchanal in tonight though I confess to another party of three All of whom I met in the street, talking loud in your praise returned Stierforth, who's our friend in the tights? I gave him the best idea I could in a few words of Mr. McCauber He laughed heartily at my feeble portrait of that gentleman and said he was a man to know and he must know him But who do you suppose our other friend is, said I, in my turn? Heaven knows, said Stierforth, not a bore, I hope I thought he looked a little like one Traddles, I replied triumphantly Who's he, asked Stierforth in his careless way Don't you remember, Traddles? Traddles in our room at Salem House? Oh, that fellow, said Stierforth, beating a lump of coal on the top of the fire with the poker Soft as ever, and where the deuce did you pick him up? I extolled Traddles in reply as highly as I could for I felt that Stierforth rather slided him Stierforth dismissing the subject with a light nod and a smile and the remark that he would be glad to see the old fellow too for he had always been an odd fish inquired if I could give him anything to eat During most of this short dialogue when he had not been speaking in a wild, vivacious manner he had sat idly beating on the lump of coal with the poker I observed that he did the same thing while I was getting out the remains of the pigeon pie and so forth By Daisy, here's a supper for a king, he exclaimed Starting out of his silence with a burst and taking his seat at the table I shall do it justice for I have come from Yarmouth I thought you came from Oxford, I returned Not I, said Stierforth I have been seafaring, better employed Littimer was here today to inquire for you, I remarked and I understood him that you were at Oxford though, now I think of it, he certainly did not say so Littimer is a greater fool than I thought him to have been inquiring for me at all since Stierforth, jovially pouring out a glass of wine and drinking to me, as to understanding him you are a cleverer fellow than most of us, Daisy, if you can do that That's true indeed, said I, moving my chair to the table So you have been at Yarmouth, Stierforth interested to know all about it have you been there long? No, he returned, an escapade of a week or so And how are they all? Of course little Emily is not married yet Not yet, going to be I believe in so many weeks or months or something or other I have not seen much of them By the by he laid down his knife and fork which he had been using with great diligence and began feeling in his pockets I have a letter for you From whom? Why, from your old nurse, he returned taking some papers out of his breast pocket J. Stierforth Esquire Detter to the willing mind That's not it Patience and will find it presently Old watch his names in a bad way and it's about that, I believe Barkas, do you mean? Yes, still feeling in his pockets and looking over their contents It's all over with poor Barkas, I am afraid I saw a little apothecary there surgeon or whatever he is who brought your worship into the world He was mighty learned about the case to me but the upshot of his opinion was that the carrier was making his last journey rather fast Put your hand into the breast pocket of my great coat on the chair yonder and I think you'll find the letter, is it there? Here it is, said I That's right It was from Pegatee, something less legible than usual in brief It informed me of her husband's hopeless state and hinted at his being a little nearer than here to for and consequently more difficult to manage for his own comfort It said nothing of her weariness and watching and praised him highly It was written with a plain unaffected homely piety that I knew to be genuine and ended with my duty to my ever darling While I deciphered it, Steerforth continued to eat and drink It's a bad job, he said when I had done but the sun sets every day and people die every minute and we mustn't be scared by the common lot If we failed to hold our own because that equal foot at all men's doors was heard knocking somewhere every object in this world would slip from us No, ride on rough shot if need be smooth shot if that will do ride on over all obstacles and win the race and win what race said I the race that one has started in said he ride on I noticed I remember as he paused looking at me with his handsome head a little thrown back and his glass raised in his hand that though the freshness of the sea wind was on his face and it was ruddy, there were traces in it made since I last saw it as if he had applied himself to some habitual strain of the fervent energy which when roused was so passionately roused within him I had it in my thoughts to remonstrate with him upon his desperate way of pursuing any fancy that he took such as this buffeting of rough seas and braving of hard weather, for example when my mind glanced off to the immediate subject of our conversation again and pursued that instead I tell you what Steerforth said I if your high spirits will listen to me they are potent spirits and will do whatever you like he answered moving from the table to the fire side again then I tell you what Steerforth I think I will go down and see my old nurse it is not that I can do her any good or render her any real service but she is so attached to me that my visit will have as much effect on her as if I could do both she will take it so kindly that it will be a comfort and support to her it is no great effort to make I am sure for such a friend as she has been to me wouldn't you go a day's journey if you were in my place his face was thoughtful and he sat considering a little before he answered in a low voice well go you can do no harm you have just come back said I and it would be in vain to ask you to go with me quite he returned I am for Highgate tonight I have not seen my mother this long time and it lies upon my conscience for it's something to be loved as she loves her prodigal son bah nonsense you mean to go tomorrow I suppose he said holding me out at arm's length with a hand on each of my shoulders yes I think so well then don't go till next day I wanted you to come and stay a few days with us here I am on purpose to bid you and you fly off to Yarmouth you are a nice fellow to talk of flying off Steerforth who are always running wild on some unknown expedition or other he looked at me for a moment without speaking and then rejoined still holding me as before and giving me a shake come say the next day and pass as much of tomorrow as you can with us who knows when we may meet again else come say the next day I want you to stand between Rosa Dardle and me and keep us asunder would you love each other too much without me yes or hate laughed Steerforth no matter which come say the next day I said the next day and he put on his great coat and lighted his cigar and set off to walk home finding him in this intention I put on my own great coat but did not light my own cigar having had enough of that for one while and walked with him as far as the open road a dull road then at night he was in great spirits all the way and when we parted and I looked after him going so gallantly and eerily homeward I thought of his saying ride on over all obstacles and win the race and wished for the first time that he had some worthy race to run I was undressing in my own room when Mr. McCobber's letter tumbled on the floor thus reminded of it I broke the seal and read as follows it was dated an hour and a half before dinner I am not sure whether I have mentioned that when Mr. McCobber was at any particularly desperate crisis he used the sort of legal phraseology which he seemed to think equivalent to winding up his affairs Sir, for I dare not say my dear Copperfield it is expedient that I should inform you that the undersigned is crushed some flickering efforts to spare you the premature knowledge of his calamitous position you may observe in him this day but hope has sunk beneath the horizon and the undersigned is crushed the present communication is penned within the personal range I cannot call it the society of an individual in a state closely bordering on intoxication employed by a broker that individual is in legal possession of the premises under a distress for rent his inventory includes not only the chattels and effects of every description belonging to the undersigned as yearly tenant of this habitation but also those appertaining that Mr. Thomas Trattles, lodger a member of the Honorable Society of the Inner Temple if any drop of gloom were wanting in the overflowing cup which is now commended in the language of an immortal writer to the lips of the undersigned it would be found in the fact that a friendly acceptance granted to the undersigned by the before mentioned Mr. Thomas Trattles for the sum of 231 four shillings half pence is overdue and is not provided for also in the fact that the living responsibilities clinging to the undersigned will in the course of nature be increased by the sum of one more helpless victim whose miserable appearance may be looked for in round numbers at the expiration of a period not exceeding six lunar months from the present date after promising thus much it would be a work of supererogation to add that dust and ashes are forever scattered on the head of Wilkins Macabre poor Trattles I knew enough of Mr. Macabre by this time to foresee that he might be expected to recover the blow but my night's rest was sorely distressed by thoughts of Trattles and of the curate's daughter who was one of ten down in Devonshire and who was such a dear girl and who would wait for Trattles ominous praise until she was 50 or any age that could be mentioned End of Chapter 28