As promised, we will start to talk more about holy relationship this afternoon, because it's very, very different from relationship as we've known it. It's like your mind gets rinsed of all beliefs and concepts about relationship. You come to a point of meaninglessness and then you ask the Holy Spirit to provide the meaning, to give it. And the Spirit won't give you a meaning on the timeline and won't project out and give you a future meaning. It will just give it to you moment by moment. And that is how the relationship is coming in. So there was a time, I think it was probably a couple years ago when I was getting a session at our monastery, of course the Miracles Monastery over in Utah. And there were three aspects that came down in order to dive into this high relationship, this new relationship. And the three were undefined, guided, collaboration. Undefined, guided, collaborations. Like a feeling of working together. And it was such a strong guidance that right away it was very impactful. It's like a wave hitting. It just had a huge impact, because those aren't things that typically are part of relationships in this world at all. The undefined part is very, very scary to the ego, because I was sharing those qualities with groups as I would travel around a bit here and there. And one woman said, oh, I like all my relationships very defined. It was like, oh, I don't even want to go there with the first one. That's just way too open to not have a definition for it. And the guided part is important. Mehta and I were talking about that when we were driving up and pulling up to the parking lot. How if there's not the guidance behind it, then it's the same with everything in life that we try in this world. Without guidance, it just goes, it's the ego. You could just say it's not guided, it's ego. Because the guidance of the spirit is always designed to dissolve the ego. And then the collaboration part was very important, because there's like a synergy of being used together in some helpful way that benefits the whole, blesses the whole. All the skills and abilities that are there are like a pool. And the spirit can just pull on the pool to use the pool for the good of the whole. So how that's played out for me actually over the years is that it's come in many different kind of collaborations where the undefined part was just really being willing to just be wide open and just kind of show up without having any preconceptions or strong plans and ideas. It really meant don't have an agenda. Don't try to bring an agenda from the past into this space that will be used. The guided part was it's purely inspirational, so you have to be in touch with what truly inspires you. And when you're really in touch with what inspires you, then the spirit will use skills, abilities, and will bring people, resources, everything in to fulfill that inspiration. Inspiration has to come first.  You have to have that spark of inspiration. And the collaboration part, I just see whereas before relationships were always these very defined, linear kind of things that had beginnings and endings, the collaborations have come in many, many different forms and configurations over these years for me just showing up to do tours or to do gatherings. Even coming here for example, all of us coming here to do this is a huge collaboration. This involves a huge collaboration. We really are honest. First of all, we're at Ocean's house. We're in his living room. It's like a little mini five, six day community in Ocean's house. And I like the symbol of ocean because whereas rivers have beginnings and ends, streams have beginnings and ends, the ocean doesn't. You can't find a beginning to it, it just connects. Some of it's frozen, some of it's frozen to the North Pole and the South Pole, but that's melting even too. Pretty quickly. There's a lot of metaphors in there. So here we are, we've been brought together for a collaboration in the ocean. In Ocean's living room. And that's a nice symbol. Also, you know, often times when I go to different countries, I don't speak the languages. So there's a lot of collaborations that occur through translations. It's not really about the translation. It's more like connecting in mind in a real telepathic way. And you need that in order to have a flowing translation. Because when I was just recently in Finland, I mentioned earlier that the first translator, she was trying to follow the words and understand the words that were coming out so she could understand first the words and then translate them. And after it came out very deep in the first three or four minutes, she just stared at me. I can't translate that because the look was, I can't translate it because I don't understand what she said. Not that she couldn't understand my accent because I was speaking slowly and clearly, but she couldn't comprehend the ideas and therefore she couldn't translate them. She just stared at me for a little while and I just said, let the words come through but don't try to understand what's coming through. And I've had others that have told me, wow, it was almost like, they felt like, instead of translating, they had to channel because they were so linking up and wanting the words to just come through in a helpful way but they couldn't actually follow all the ideas. Their mind wasn't at a place where they could even comprehend them. So I've enjoyed that with many, many translators showing up and they usually are very spontaneous too. They're not professional translators. It's so rare out of all the travels I've done where there's been a professional translator that's actually hired to do the translations. It's so, so rare. Most of the time it's just people coming forth saying, can I do this? I feel called to do this. It just comes out. And also with travel there's enormous amounts of logistics so there has to be a huge collaboration there. So in one sense these kind of gatherings like we're doing now is kind of an example of how we can live our life but it takes a lot of trust to do that.  This becomes your way of living where you're so trusting that everything's going to be there, everything's going to show up, everything will fall into place, everything that's needed will be provided. You gain a confidence in that more and more and more. And you see that these collaborative relationships which are so based on purpose don't have all the rigidity, the structure, the expectations, the demands that linear relationships have. It's for a higher purpose but the purpose is not to stay together and more than that the purpose of the relationship really doesn't have a form goal. That's another thing that's striking that linear relationships when you enter into it there's some kind of purpose in the commitment that you'll stay together. You see how it's got a form goal. Whether it's an overt, talked about goal or whether it's kind of implied. And you know that it's implied. If you never talk about it and yet when one decides to leave or are spending less time in a relationship you will hear about it. It was implied that you would stay together. That was a form goal. I don't know if we have a course book with us or not, or a course gathering. Do we have one there? No. I have a question for you. Yeah, yeah. Okay. She's got one that's just as easy. There's a line in it that I think would be a lot of fun. Oh, there we are. Perfect. This is perfect. It's in a gold, it looks like a candy box. He's quite chocolate. You know when I was talking about these undefined, guided, collaborative relationships this part came to mind and this whole lesson would be great. This is, to me it's an amazing, amazing paragraph. If you could just get the slightest little grasp of what he's talking about right here. You are home free. When you first read it it's like, what are you saying here? This is from lesson 135. Book of Lesson 135 in A Course in Miracles. It's the longest lesson in the book. And it's kind of in the middle, smack dab in the middle of it. And it so goes against all of our conditioning that you really have to open your mind wide to let it in. And then if you start to apply it to your relationships it even gets more exciting. Because imagine I'm going to read the whole paragraph. It's just one paragraph. But while I'm reading the paragraph I want you to think about this paragraph in the context of your relationships. So like Maria brought up the example of what's been going on for her this week and you were saying this is what I'm dealing with. So now let's think about that relationship in this context. Because this is an amazing paragraph and then we'll go into it. Okay, it says, a healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan. Although it cannot know the outcome which is best, the means by which it is achieved nor how to recognize the problem that the plan is made to solve. Those are only three things you can't know. In order to experience the joy of the first part you cannot know any of those three things afterwards. Again, a healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan. Doesn't that sound relaxing? If you never ever had to plan anything wouldn't that be as carefree as you could ever even imagine. A healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan. Although it cannot know the outcome which is best, the means by which it is achieved nor how to recognize the problem that the plan is made to solve. So you have to be clueless about the outcome, I mean really clueless. Clueless about the outcome, clueless about the means and clueless about the problem that is meant to be solved. Clueless of the problems, clueless of the means and clueless of the outcome. That's what he's saying here. Now, the next part is he's saying the mind, it must misuse the body in its plans until it recognizes this is so. So in other words, until you make those conditions of those three things, then the body will be misused. And we know what comes from the misuse of the body. There'll be guilt, there'll be fear, there'll be doubt, there'll be shame. So those three, without those three conditions being met it must use the body in its plan until it recognizes this is so. But when it has accepted this is true, then is it healed and lets the body go? So it's pointing us towards this mystical union with spirit. I mean why would you even need a body if you're spirit? You know, it's obviously if the ego made it the Holy Spirit can use it while you believe you haven't. But it's not going to be your goal and it's not like some of those religions that say that when you die there's so many thousands of bodies that will live together in immortality. You get an immortal body and you carry your body with you and I think one group said there's 144,000. It's not a lot. Seven billion people. There's 144,000 that get to keep their bodies. The rest are probably burned into fire or something. But you know, actually you start to realize that the last part is the mind is healed and lets the body go. And there's even a part in the course in the manual for teachers that says that there are those who have laid aside the body in order to increase their helpfulness. It's interesting, increase. Not lay aside the body to decrease their helpfulness but to increase their helpfulness showing that the whole thing's going on in the mind. And the body, when it doesn't serve the mind's unification anymore, it's just not there to be perceived. It's just you let go of the whole body and the whole world. So let's try to be practical with this. Like if we apply this to Maria's situation because you were talking about the things that were going on a daily basis that would just mean that in order to have a shift, I was calling it life coach. Eternal life coach. You can put the eternal in front of it to emphasize that it's not biological. Eternal life coach. That you would be relieved of all planning and all figuring it out if you can just meet those three conditions. The first one is you don't know the outcome which is best. So that's asking us to be really humble. Very open-minded and humble and say I don't know the outcome which is best because you see how guilty you can get when you think you know the form of the outcome and how it should look and when it doesn't match that inner picture. Like he or she should act this way, should behave this way. There's certain guidelines and rules that have to be adhered to and when the behavior doesn't match that then that doesn't work either. There's a lot of guilt that comes up and gets generated from that. We just right off the bat have to let go of the outcome. You see how it fits in with my guidance from the spirit that undefined, guided collaborations could handle this great because if it's undefined you don't have a structure that plays, you don't have a standard that the relationship has to meet. So you're not constantly comparing even about little things like he said he would call, he didn't call, he said he would call, he didn't call and then after about seven hours go by he said he would call but he didn't call. There's an irritation that starts to arise or come over for dinner or these kind of things that can involve expectations and agreements and so on and so forth. But just think if you're not having an outcome which is best and you're joining in peace of mind if that's what you both want for each other we'll say is peace of mind. You would rather be happy than let anything and all come in the way of your happiness you can start to see it's important to be able to start to let go of the outcomes. And people sometimes will say that's not practical at all but remember this is Jesus Christ giving us. This isn't like a theory. You know, it's the master it's the one that's transcended time and space and doesn't even exist in form at all. It's just like the living presence of God's love that's saying these things.  You don't have to get into a debate or an argument with it. It's like, okay, well alright if that's the case then that's a lot. No outcomes. Okay, no outcomes. Also the means by which it is achieved imagine that you don't ever have to put any thought into the means either. Yeah, like how to keep someone happy, how to keep the relationship alive. What do you do? Books are written on this. Lots of books and workshops and it just goes on and on. This is a big topic. You could become very wealthy if you may not have a clue what's going on but if you just write a book on the means to keep relationships going you've got a best seller. You could be confused, disoriented and really in a pathetic state of mind but if you wrote a book on the means to keep your relationship together you'd be a best seller because that's what the ego wants. Its outcome is keeping the relationship together. And then the last one nor how to recognize the problem that the plan is made to solve. That means that God has a plan but whenever you try to recognize the problem that the plan is meant to solve everything goes haywire. As soon as you define the problem as soon as you say sit down with your partner and say listen, we've got to talk. You've got a problem. And it's not going anywhere because you're not capable of recognizing the problem that the plan is made to solve. In other words, what is the ego is the problem that the plan is made to solve and in the end Jesus doesn't want you to recognize the ego. He wants you to forgive it and so much forgive it that you don't even recognize it. You don't even know what a problem is. You get into such a state of joy and ecstasy that you don't even know if somebody said that's ego you're like what? What's that? You want to be so clean, so pure that you can't even recognize it. And the reward is but when it has accepted that this is true these three conditions then it is healed the mind is healed and lets the body go. That one paragraph says so much but it also tells you that that's why you have to trust the Holy Spirit for everything. You can't trust the Holy Spirit too much. It's not like anybody can ever accuse you of being obsessed with listening and following the Holy Spirit.  You need to get some balance in your life. You're just way too dependent on the Holy Spirit. You can never be accused of that in fact Jesus is telling us that that's the only way to be peaceful to become completely God dependent or Spirit dependent. You can't be too dependent on that. So this it just goes on the next paragraph is just basically saying if you don't follow what was just said in the paragraph then this is what happens enslavement of the body to plans the unhealed mind sets up the state itself must make the body sick. That's what's gonna happen. It doesn't matter whether you're emotionally sick whether you're physically sick fatigued, worn out whatever it's all versions of sickness if you're not able to follow that top paragraph then then basically that's where it's heading must make the body sick. It is not free to be the means of helping in a plan which far exceeds its own protection. In which needs its service for a little while in this capacity is health assured. So if you find your purpose, if you find your function, if you find your calling you've got it all. Your happiness and your function are one. When you tune in to that calling that's it. But remember it's not a form kind of thing. You can't say I'm guided to be a monk or a nun and say and think that you've solved it with just some label and conforming to some kind of label. It's much broader than that. So what Kirsten and I can talk about here is how our lives have seemed to unfold in the sense that with these undefined guided collaborations it's like a pool of resources that the spirit can draw on at any moment. And there's an endless reserve an endless supply of whatever is needed to extend the peace and the joy. But you don't hold yourself or another body to rigid definitions of how this has to go. And we could give you countless examples. I guess one of the most recent ones was last night Jason and Kirsten were on a call. We're doing a whole tour after we do a tour of Europe we're doing a tour of South Africa the whole country. And so this tour planning has been going on since last fall I believe. And there's been all kinds of emotions that have come up and it's a big team too. It's not just like two or three people planning it it's like a big collaboration because it's all around the country but you had a call last night and that was like an opportunity to practice this holy relationship without having outcomes set in mind for what has to happen on the call what format outcomes must come from the call what means we're going to do to make it happen the typical planning meetings are very ego based maybe you could just share about how that experience was Yes we started to get a feeling about the accommodation just at one part of the tour and the accommodation had already been set for David and Francis and Jason and I to be in two houses and then to travel to a retreat venue and for some reason it just kept coming to mind again oh we have to communicate about the accommodation even though there is no problem with the accommodation and it's already been set up so it wasn't really about the accommodation but that was just something that kept coming to mind that we could feel from the spirit it's a starting point to join and this group who joined together as the tour team initially about three or four of them expressed that they wanted to live in spiritual community together and or just in spiritual community perhaps together and when they started joining on calls together just the ego came up and so much intensity came up just in joining on these calls that they were shocked like whoa this is really intense we had no idea so we took the idea of spiritual community off the table all together just don't let that be a goal just join together now with what's given which is tour planning for this tour and even with that it's just been a lot of healing just coming together to try to join over one decision like how long a retreat would be or the venue for the retreat and so they would come and of course beneath the purpose for the tour team is the purpose of awakening each of those members of the tour team want to heal their mind and so coming together is like holy relationship or it is a symbol of holy relationship and so the projection of the attack thought of the ego is just going on to each other your opinionated you're not listening you're pretending to be spiritual why are you saying it's guided how do you know it's guided I don't feel that at all and so the bouncing bouncing around and the intensity and the emotion was just coming up on every single call for them and so each time Jason joined on a call he was just there like as the presence and it was very helpful and somehow even with all of the healing and the logistics the tour did continue to get planned and the events got booked and people are signing up to come so on the surface of things everything's just flowing so the call last night there've been quite a few emails going back and forth with expressions of what's not working projection feeling excluded feeling that the spirit the ego was masquerading as the spirit and certain people so we joined on this call just with this prompt around accommodation but the closer we came to the call even more emails were coming why do we have to join around accommodation it's already set I think again this must be the ego masquerading as the spirit surely we don't have to talk about these logistics again we just stayed in career and trusted but even with all of these expressions it's like no there's nothing to address there's nothing to answer just allow, allow, allow through the emails and then finally we came together on the call last night and just joining there and sharing the purpose at the beginning of the call that it is purely for awakening and it is the deepest answer to the prayer of the heart we all just sank into this presence together I can't really even describe what happened other than with this very clear intention of joining in the truth and joining in the Christ even the expressions that came as it was open for expression from the grievance or from joy whatever the expression would be those expressions just really came from such a deep place in the heart that everyone sank into the presence afterwards and those that seemed to have the deepest grievances with each other they expressed that on the call and just expressed the awareness that that's what it was all for chair down no outcomes no outcomes chair down and at the beginning of the call one of the participants she actually was on logistics and so she does all the spreadsheets and she was expressing this real anxiousness at the beginning like I feel like we need to deal with logistics we need to deal with this accommodation issue in the room and until we discuss this accommodation I won't be able to join and rest in the call and so just the spirit came through in the most beautiful way about this section again like the healed mind does not land but in a practical way like if you're not experiencing I need to nothing if you're not experiencing that kind of peace then that kind of energy can't be leading the call it can't be the main point otherwise you've decided to find the problem and are trying to solve the problem through the logistics but really the purpose of the relationship and the purpose of the call was joining in the truth joining in the experience of who we are so yeah that was the outcome and then there was an exploration there was a group of three who hadn't really joined in person very much with the fourth and they were going to go on a field trip together and go and check out the accommodation that was booked and another couple of accommodation options not with the goal of finding the perfect accommodation but I mean that will be the outcome but really the purpose was joining and just spending that time together it's like a perfect example of this sense that all of us have been trained all of us had all this past learning and conditioning to be problem solvers we've actually come to earth to be problem solvers and then there's this crazy belief in learning that you can actually learn how to be a competent problem solver that's insane if you really aren't a problem solver to begin with it's going to be a good problem solver I was in university for ten years and I think most of the skills that I was given was in problem solving the lesson says the healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan and that was my major in university planning urban planning I was actually doing a degree in learning how to plan and then the course comes along and says you can't you are relieved of the belief that you must but you have to meet these three conditions but those are conditions of trust and I hear that in the call there was a lot of trust it's like having a grandmother or grandfather just smiling at you all the time going it's all going to work out fine just relax working out fine just constantly having that reminder that it is all working out fine it's only because we've been identified with being the problem solvers and in order to be a problem solver you have to first be a problem finder and that's really dangerous in relationships to have that as your mission a problem finder imagine that and see how different that is from behold the Christ behold the perfection behold the perfect innocence problem finder in place of that so it sends you off in a very you might say difficult direction because it's an impossible direction we're not ever going to find the problem so when we insistently try to do that in relationships you might say the definition of projection all we're doing is projecting something that we can't handle or that we don't want to handle in our consciousness and awareness and then looking to find it outside which leads to blame which leads to guilt with this whole reflection of the ex-boyfriend of this maybe and she would be together or not and him wanting answers and investigating all of that is that it's the way to see it he's just a reflection of the one ego my ego also being so scared of this let's not plan let's just stay open let's just be in the love I don't know and then it's reflected through him this really being so afraid or is that the way to see it or yeah I think it could be acted out on the screen so sometimes you can maybe see it occasionally in you and then in the Maria character and sometimes in his character you know but it is this fear that we were talking about all day the fear of without the definition then what is it the ego's tremendous tremendous fear of meaninglessness like it's like somehow the definition is going to give it some meaning and then we'll be fulfilled with this definition and I think if you want to trace it even back further it's like you know since everything seems to relate to God in this journey then the problem is when we're trying to define our wealth when we're trying to define our brothers and sisters or define our partner we actually still believe it's possible to define God because we're just trying to do it in another direction you know but isn't that what theology is about all these struggles we've had on the planet around theology theological clashes oh well your theology is different than mine I believe what I believe and then this curious thing that I've heard teachers talk about where you have to agree to disagree that's unbelievable that's just absolutely unbelievable you can't ever come to harmony if you agree to disagree just think of what you're saying you're saying disagreement is inevitable so let's agree to it you know and that's the same sometimes I'll hear arguments around pluralism and pluralism accepting that there are many different things many different views why don't we just accept there are many different views and that leads to the saying of accept our differences that's not the teachings of the course it's actually saying accept your sameness and you'll see differences disappear that you really are all the same there's really just one of us here and so I do feel like that's exactly what's happening that's just a symptom of the fear in the mind to let go of the self-concept which is what all the definitions are and it takes a lot of trust because of the conditioning like you start off with a partner and then it has to transfer to everything in your awareness so then you start to transfer to your son that's another whole thing but you can start to see that that's the way the spirit will work to let go of definitions around that and that requires a lot of faith a lot of trust as well because it's really there's a self-concept that's down there and ego made it up and then the mind is forever trying to live up to that self-concept and not doing a really good job of it that's where the guilt comes in it's always falling a little short of whatever those concepts are and then we have August for August Rush and how August Rush was in that movie he was bringing down the music and he had all this music pouring through him just wanting to radiate out and he ended up conducting even and everything but he was in the movie he was the most undefined character in the movie the parents all kinds of stuff and the bullies and people trying to help him projecting problems onto him and he was out in the fields swinging around his arms and just in this glory of really I'd say spirit in the music of spirit and that's quite a striking that you had actually named your son August that's kind of a reminder of that too so let's just see if anybody else has wants to explore this in terms of relationship I'm curious about my dog because I can't figure out what role dogs play in this game and right now it's my closest relationship and I just of course use the words undefined guided collaboration but still it seems like I have a responsibility somehow it seems somehow one way I would just like to know how to make a good relationship with another one is this the dog with the big brown eyes that I posted on facebook you can eye gaze with Shanti and that could be it gets lost in a good way in those big brown eyes I told you when I posted that I would get more likes than anything else when I could post on facebook that was that was your dog but I think with dogs and cats and pets yeah they give us those same kind of opportunities to to like live and let live to let be you know to if there's any kind of control issues they get projected out onto the animals if there's anything that's unresolved in consciousness it just seems to get put put out there and um yeah in that sense it helped me when I traveled around so much because there was a stretch of time when I was traveling where I kept the house I would stay in because I wasn't staying at motels or hotels every house I stayed in there was this dynamic going on between the pet owner and the pet and I got to see a range of issues and often times I would visit enough that I would see if if a parent had an issue with a child um and then the child grew up and the child left the home to go on to school or whatever then I would watch I would go back and visit and I would see the parent predicting the same issues on the dog as they were on the child but the child was gone so they had to have something to aim at and I would just be fascinated like wow this is amazing dynamics how the mind is trying to get rid of something by seeing it outside itself so that might be the thing when you it's still a mirroring going on but you can really just take a look at your feelings around it even feelings of responsibility like being locked in now I took my relationships with my animals the other direction where I would telepathically communicate where I was on my spiritual journey invite them to join me and as I became less dependent on medicines and doctors in their case veterinarians and so forth we decided to go down a walk of faith and trust together and we had many amazing experiences together from these you might say this agreement that we had in mind that we weren't going to like this tripod I promise her she would not I would not get the medical model involved with her in any way and she really took that agreement sincerely the only time I remember once when some people tried to put medicine on her when I was there she screamed like she was being raped when it was really she screamed really because it was like a violation of the of the agreement so I'd use it just for my spiritual moment and it was awesome to see with tripod who really this was the cat who was a mystic at heart because that was her calling she was coming to join this community and she's very much mystic and when it was time to go travelling one time we went on a off travelling for seven months and it was always the calling first what is the calling where are we to go and just trusting that whatever tripod would need would need would also show up so the thought of having responsibility for a cat wouldn't wasn't a thought in the mind that could be any kind of factor in terms of the guidance to go out and share and extend in a high way it was more that she was there in support of the ministry so she was there in support of everything including the travels and we would just watch an amazement as to how she would arrange her cat sitters she would sometimes you go away you get a B&B or something we would leave vacate and she would arrange cat sitters to come for her while we were gone we had a phone call one time from this woman that we'd never met she said I found your peace house and I'm just feeling and we were praying like ok someone needs to show up for a tripod and she said I'm really feeling strongly called to come and stay at your little peace house in Cincinnati we're away travelling right now but the cats are there tripod and her sister Angel and they would love to have someone come she said oh my god that's what I'm meant to do so she came we left the key was left out already so she came and she looked after the cats carried on her way we never met her we're all matching on that trip we didn't but every time it was like whatever is needed is going to be provided so it's constantly just putting this put the kingdom first you know all things should be added including here for the pets and the animals they're not like nothing's excluded outside of outside of the plan and then you just get to see you know if there is some kind of codependence or feeling of responsibility you know for the pets if there's some kind of routine set up and then there's a dependency on the routine just even seeing that and being willing to give that over is it truly guided whatever the routine may be I think this is what it means too by letting go of thinking you have to know about the means because you know it would almost be more like a fairy tale like if you thought okay I'm going to follow my heart I'm going to use my skills in very joyful happy ways that extend love and peace and everything else all the practicalities will be handled of course if you had that kind of attitude it would require you had that trust because there's conditioning that says no that's not going to happen there's even a history that will say be realistic that's not going to happen and yet that's the way it seemed to go in the parable of David where there's all these skills and abilities that got used in ways that I couldn't even comprehend or even fathom but it was based on the trust that I am to be peaceful I am to heal and end this healing and this peace and then things all came in it inverts the whole world where learning how to give as God gives is perfectly reflected back to you but the world says don't be ridiculous you have to handle all these other practical things first and then make time carve time out out of all these logistics for your spirit time you know and that's the way that it seems when the mind is in guilt and in fear and in scarcity it's really upside down it's not the truth at all it's just the way that it seems when you're viewing the world through upside down perception and then when you start trusting and you have these miracles happen they're still getting used in most amazing ways everything starts to turn around the turning point is the shakiest because you're like like you're afraid something's going to happen it's like then you go around and you go oh it's like oh if I had known this I would have done this years ago if I had known it was this easy if this was this natural you know that's the that's the thing we have to trust and we have to let go of some of the conventional ways in which we think the needs will be met that's still trying to control the means like Cecilia and I were talking about this idea of writing skills and doing this this paper or this thesis and trying to do it in and right now that's part of helping help the means feed the children and do these other things and there's skills there that can be used and yet there's this big like calling I think inside which is using those skills in the most impactful way that will touch far more people will say are much broader range than you could even imagine and the spirit is calling for that and that's why these collaborations are so important whatever one has they can offer it that's how this whole retreat came about Ocean had a space we had three different organizers and there's lots of communications that took place and then you know one thing just clicked in and clicked in and clicked in and we're coming here we come and we're going to do it and it just unfolded and it flowed and that's the way your whole life can be that's the way your life is designed to go to be in that gentle unfolding and flow so to me I'm always like for me instead of looking for problems I'm looking for collaborations I'm like all over the planet you want to collaborate? okay here we go then I get all excited so we have all these projects that's going on people in our community can tell you about many many many endless projects but they're just endless opportunities for collaboration because it's the collaborative vibe and the other thing is we're not collaborating for profit so we're not trying to we don't have a product in mind we don't have a commerce or selling something in mind we don't have that goal of producing something we're the most ambition group of people I've ever met we're not lazy but we don't have any ambition either you know we're not trying to change the world we're not trying to produce something you know in a strange way it's like I don't know it's like peace of mind is the productivity that's our highest productivity is our peacefulness and it's not worth a damn thing in the world but then again the world's not real so you know you don't have to make it fit with the world you don't try to work it in and hope that it works out you're not looking for rewards from the world you're not looking for to win some kind of Oscar or Emmy or some kind of Grammy or some kind of award for your peace peace is its own reward it doesn't need a worldly reward because it's everything it's beautiful he was just going yay there we go there we go see that that's the question holy relationship where one is it possible to have a holy relationship with one and not with everything no it's like holy relationship in the context of the course is sometimes described that way but then again it's speaking as if the separation happened so Jesus is throwing out his rung on the ladder of practicality so I would say he says the ego made the world and the ego made the body so you might say that the ego set the default for this world as interpersonal relationships and then as you give it over to the Holy Spirit and say purify me purify my mind purify my consciousness you kind of go up the rung and the relationships get used for mirroring more letting go more letting go and then holy relationship would still probably we could say be defined in interpersonal terms but the whole point of holy relationship which is to heal the perception is to take you towards the holy instant which is really non perceptual and the relationship is gone and a communion is a communion with God so it's often used by the ego to make it on a safe new way it's often used that way because the ego wants to hold on to the horizontal aspect of it and the more you come closer to that communion it's just the vertical you might say so emphasize vertical meaning just pure spirit and that's why when people talk about spirit pure spirit versus the form of the world I say that's the cross the cross doesn't have to be in my cavalry it's where the vertical seems to cross the horizontal and Jesus was an example of that he was really in communion with all with God and he just seemed to have a body that was walking that was distinct but that wasn't the truth of it either so it's a misconception to see that having a holy relationship for someone there and a relation to another is impossible you might say that the holiness has to extend just like Kirsten said that every relationship is a total commitment so if you try to say this one's holy I've got a total commitment with this one but not with that one it's just saying you don't have a commitment to say you have a total commitment with one and not a total commitment with another that's like saying you're partially pregnant it's like it's just another trick because healing is never partial healing has to be whole yeah it's like the commitment the commitment is what it's for so the commitment to holiness a holy relationship is really with my own mind or with my mind and God and then if one is given and it's called a partnership or it looks like a partnership then it could be called holy relationship but really it's for the practice of this and to see where there's a lack of commitment or a fear of intimacy or a fear of open communication you know all kinds of avoidances and everything with that commitment yeah it's here with this one but because it's in mind then it has to be with every with every if you shift the purpose of one relationship seemingly you know change the purpose of one relationship if you don't make it like special probably yeah that's transfer of training what you're describing and your own mind is naturally that commitment that love that awareness transfers to be with everyone you meet yeah you know this whole thing relationship reminds me it's the same thing we could talk about it in terms of possession Jesus says that in this world if you divide a possession you split its ownership so if you had like a bank account you divided the bank account you'd have less and if you divided an inheritance you'd have less if you divided property you have less so only relationship doesn't operate on those premises it's the sense that all that you give you give to yourself the purpose that you give with one relationship you must give to all relationships and you can see where this completely dissolves away jealousy for example because it dissolves away comparison and it also means you can't determine what the relationship is by how it looks which is where the problem comes in it's believing that our mind can be informed or we can receive information from the form so someone could say well I see you're spending a lot of time around this one you spend more time with this one than that one this is what actually happened in the days of Jesus out of all the twelve apostles the one that Jesus was most publicly affectionate with was John and then we have the Gospel of John and John is described as the one whom Jesus loved the one whom Jesus loved it's a perception but you see how if you try to pull from the form and you saw that there's two guys that are more affectionate then that's again see that's a good example here's the form they're just affectionate John puts his head on Jesus's slap you see that's exactly describing what I'm talking about where you see a form and you try to infer a meaning from it you see how it works that's how the ego works we were talking about that in our one on one earlier about how we just need to let go of concern for this idea of what people think or the boxes and categories and the more trusting we are in the love and the vibration of the love and the more unconcerned we are about the form the better the form is kind of a reflection of it it doesn't have any power so why give it power why say I'm going to infer because you're spending more time or I did a session years ago I think it was in Kentucky and I did the whole section on undoing specialness and it was really intense because we used the chorus and we went down real deep and afterwards some woman a friend of mine named Beverly came and sat on my lap and you should have seen the looks and the glares and the glances just no different is it like a little puppy dog waiting his tail would go and jump on your lap now there would be no glares probably if you do a whole session on specialness and a puppy dog jumps on your lap but when a woman jumps on your lap everyone's like because it's thinking that the form is mean something that you can infer from the form and look what Jesus does in his workbook he starts out the first lesson in his workbook is that everything I see means anything and number two is I've given everything I see all the meaning it has for me he's purposefully showing us that all the meaning is being generated from our consciousness in our mind and if the form means nothing at all it just means whatever you say it means it's entirely subjective and all the meaning we do is that everything is you yes I just want to mention too holy relationship doesn't come to an end or the truth of holy relationship doesn't come to an end that's the whole purpose of entering into holy relationship it's to experience that the love does not come to an end special relationship is you know the egos idea of love and the egos idea of relationship which is about people or bodies or bodies being together about a special one and you can seem to come together and then it can break apart and then there seems to be a lack of love or a heart ache but the whole purpose of holy relationship is to open your heart and your mind to an experience of love or truth or union that cannot come to an end so that even if the guidance is that particular assignment there's a shift and the bodies are no longer to be spending so much time together or the guidance may be that the type of intimacy is not the same as it was the purpose doesn't come to an end because the purpose was always to know true love is to heal the mind and then what a gift that this one was given temporarily in support of this holy relationship yeah so the commitment is when you say it's total commitment with everyone then it's a total commitment to see everyone as the Christ right just not to confuse it with the form thank you that has to be it right yeah it's a commitment of purpose the holy relationship is a commitment and then if we're given to join it's just for these 5 days every time we meet there's a commitment to be present to be listening to be fully present in every encounter that's the commitment so it's the commitment of purpose to use everything that comes up for the healing of the mind and to keep the heart open to love I'm not committed to a person or a body I mean the bodies may go apart I'm not responsible for what happens for another person when we're not together it's letting go of that kind of responsibility as if it's for a person or someone else's happiness but it's for being being together and when there's any thought of each other it's being totally committed with that thought or that guidance yeah you can really see that that that word responsible is so tied into the guilt that when we tie down responsibility for our state of mind but we tie it down to form and we try to take responsibility for the form we are walking right into guilt because the form never works out the way we imagine it we're just trying to imagine it all the time and it never lives up to our expectations so whenever that responsibility is tied to form and to linear time it's destined to produce guilt and our goal is innocence our goal is peace of mind so we have to start to take full responsibility for our state of mind even when we're upset we can't just justify and say look at this, look at this look at these reasons we can't do that anymore we have to say I'm never upset for the reason I think and then work it and like I'm holding onto attack thoughts I'm holding onto grievances I'm doing this to myself and I can stop doing this to myself in a mind way, not in a personal way but once we make it personal then we start to put it on to our personality or to our body oh I should have done something better I could have done this better and if you do that you may have what seems to be psychosomatic the body can seem to get sick when you keep blaming it and you keep blaming yourself instead of shooting the ray gun out at all the other people you go it's all me I'm the fault of everything and then the body seems to take that on too and get sick so we have to learn to just realize we aren't responsible for the error, we aren't responsible for the behavioral level that the behavioral level will flow from our thoughts and we are responsible for lining up with God we are responsible for choosing the miracle you know that's where our responsibility is our responsibility is fully yeah so it's still a little confusion about this being fully present you know what you're saying when we're here because I mean it easily gets into this again this people-pleasing language you know, yeah it's just discernment but present it's not even to a person it's just present okay then I'll get it yeah because you think of even if a relationship seems to come to an end you know and you're no longer together but the thought of them comes into your mind all the time so you can say oh we're not in relationship anymore but you know it's not true if that one is still in your mind a lot then you're still in a relationship and so the forgiveness continues, the healing the learning, the forgiveness it's like even the people in form really they were all thoughts people are thoughts and those thoughts can seem to be in our own mind and we're practising with that all the people seem to show up in form but it's all a reflection of thoughts within this holy relationship of healing because the linearity is the thing as long as you're into the linearity then you've defined the relationship it's got some kind of a concept or a box and as soon as you do that then it's subject to all the ego's laws which includes breaking up and what happens when the relationship breaks up then there's this huge need to justify your mother's on the phone how so-and-so doing well they're not here oh they're on a trip no they went to the grocery store no why are they coming back they're not what happened then you have to suddenly you have to justify what happened and the truth of the matter is nothing happened because the relationship is of the mind and the body is just not there anymore but see why would you have to explain that why do you feel such a need to explain that not only to your mother your siblings your everybody else that you know your best friends but to yourself you're always justifying well it just got to the point it was just two I couldn't handle this anymore so like 15 times oh that's 16 times that just got me get out you see the mind's doing a justification it feels like it needs to justify the breakup just like it's doing when it has to justify the getting together out of all the produce you pick one and then you've got to really justify why you picked that one you see it's the same mechanism that goes on in the mind there has to be a reason for it not that it's just the flow of life it's the flow of what's happening and you're practicing with your mind training which is where all the attention needs to go oh no you've got to justify the forms either why you came together or why you broke apart she's waited patiently with the microphone as the hands are going I think when the course is speaking about entering the arc 2x2 goes in the arc no on the arc figuratively entering the arc 2x2 can mean that two persons go together and live under one roof and make a decision to to this commitment to be the safe place where it is allowed to flush up whatever might come that might be the commitment and entering an arc but I think it's it is meant to be every time I meet another being then I can choose to enter that arc of safety and make that meeting holy so actually every meeting is a holy meeting if you choose so yeah exactly it is and even that line the arc of peace is entered 2x2 again there's lots of metaphors in the course and for a course that's all about oneness it speaks in terms of too much of the course has those too much metaphors and I've actually been with friends that start to go through these real mystical experiences where even that starts to sound funny those passages in the course they kind of outgrow those even where they can't there's no box for those lines anymore the arc of peace is entered 2x2 and when we say commitment it really is a commitment in the mind and it is a total commitment so that's just a construct what we say 2 people make a commitment to each other that's still a construct and a metaphor because in the ultimate sense you're going for atonement and atonement is a total commitment but it's also not a commitment that is toward time it's more taking you toward eternity that commitment I mean it could be your boss if you're going to speak to your boss you can choose to make that a holy instant and a holy meeting and you can also choose to live apart but still have a decision to make that a connection that is just for flushing up and relieving guilt and fear however it might look like it's interesting though because it's just a couple it's not depending on geography where you are in bodies and places it's a question of the decision to make the connection holy it can be in a sense that as long as the mind believes in personhood then it also believes that persons have choice and make choices and the deeper you go down the rabbit hole you start to realize that persons are constructs and that it's all mind that's part of what we were kind of getting at the movie last night where we were going way way down down down at the level of persons and the level of form those metaphors have meaning the spirit has to use what's meaningful but as you go much deeper then they fall away too like Helen Shuckman and Bill Thetford you know Jesus they were research psychologists they weren't spiritual gurus they were research psychologists and so if you go through absence from felicity you see all these metaphors where Jesus is talking about time metaphors like celestial speed up people were being called all over from all over the universe to come and take their part as part of a celestial speed up then I get people who come to me and they go wait a minute if time's not real how can you speed it up that's like a speed up of an unreal and I see it very good you're noticing that there's things that are meant to be stepping stones and at some point you even start to question the metaphors the steps or with Helen and Bill Jesus kept using the ideas of past lives and what they were in other lives to show the patterns in their mind and so Jesus said well at one point Helen you were a priestess and you actually killed Bill now that's just assuming the still personhood past life it was helpful to show the patterns but you go a lot deeper you outgrow everything eventually you empty your mind like the Buddha said you do have to empty your mind of everything eventually but it's practical it relates I take the chance to ask this question I have big problem with my teeth that's the main reason why I travel to Denmark to see if I can get some insight really help me what is it about the perception of your teeth that bothers you the last six years it started totally collapsed of my teeth holes and teeth falling out and so on and so on and I went to the dentist I got it fixed and it continued it continued and it's still going on so what's the problem it takes a lot of my time giving me war and war is because I can feel it all the time and I smile and I move my holes and and part is telling off and so on well part of this life of trust in the spirit is we learn that the Holy Spirit will give you everything that you need and will renew it as long as you have need of it so it applies to everything we were talking about how practical this is so yeah in all of our encounters with people over the years we've had lots of teeth stories mostly car stories amazing a lot many many car stories but we've had pretty many teeth stories too and the question often comes down to the purpose what is it for I guess one of the most recent teeth parables that we've had was one of our messengers of peace had a hole where a tooth was missing and had some crooked some crooked teeth right in the front on the top and lower and then we have community property everything is shared we don't have private ownership or private funds or private anything so it would be like one of the Franciscans or one of the Essenes going I've got some teeth things going on bringing it up for the whole group so the group kind of prayed on it and shared and basically the feeling was I guess it came up in the group that the hole funds could be used for fixing the hole but not for the other we're seen as cosmetic replace the hole but not the cosmetic and then also put it out for help funding help and that's exactly how it played out it just recently ended where there was a implant put in and it was one of the tooth was replaced I have another friend too who's in in China and she's living a very simple life like a traveling Sinyasi and we've I've had some emails back and forth with another friend of mine who met her and who said listen I feel I want to donate money so you can go to the dentist like a periodontal disease with the gums and teeth falling out and as the world would describe it and basically it turned into all kinds of forgiveness lessons because my one friend sent the money across over to China and said here you go get your teeth worked on you have treatment done and my friend in China who's such a she just lived such a simple devoted life just traveling around she gave away half the money to charity that was sent and then the woman the friend who sent the money came contacted me and said what do I do here I just gave money for teeth and it's not being used for teeth she's got such a big heart she gave away half the money for the teeth to charity and then it was still every gift that we give you know has to be given freely we can't we can't have strings attached otherwise it's not really a gift you see how everything gets used in terms of the principles in mind and the teeth are just part of the props they're part of the props of the theater of everything that's happening so it's not like something like this isn't like the we say where you are going to get instructions go into your mind and here are your teeth grievances that you need to pluck and pull out it doesn't really work that way it's just it's part of an opportunity for opening and developing with trust trust trust that as you fulfill your function which is what we're asked to do as you fulfill your function everything that you need truly need be provided and renewed for as long as you have needed it and I find that those again are more opportunities you know whatever the ailment seems to be whatever the discomfort seems to be it still all fits back into that core thing of trusting and having things provided that are needed and helpful but also teeth can heal themselves I've seen it so many times yeah it was funny I was just on Facebook last week and they just discovered a new technique for the teeth it was just a brand new discovery that has never been a part of dentistry in all these years of dentistry they discovered for the first time they fire like a low level laser being at the teeth that it activates this this thing that's within the teeth that teeth need to grow from this low level laser and that actually they can regrow teeth now from this discovery it was on Facebook last week where they fire this low level laser and it's still in the experimental phase they're working on rodents right now they're firing laser beams low level lasers on rodent teeth and they're watching the rodents grow their teeth back we shouldn't think that we know what anything is or what it's for but we should trust that there is a way always with the spirit as we fulfill our function everything that we truly need will be provided and anything we feel even at discomfort with again we take it back to our mind we use it as terms of practicing so in that sense everything is used in the healing process nothing is pushed off to the side as if it's a separate problem apart from the one one problem where you were released in some blocks and I think I've done that for I think I've done that for a long time but I had very difficulties in falling asleep so during the last two or three years I'm not sleeping before between two or four o'clock and I'm so exhausted when I wake up in the morning and I have asked the spirit and I've tried to give it over and to realize but it is still a problem for me and I don't know what to do I just have to accept it just just go into it and see if I can release it but it has not been possible for me yet so do we have any suggestions? I can share that and back in 2010 I did a six-week retreat over here in New York and a friend of mine was there during the six weeks and she got into this cycle where she absolutely could not sleep day in, day out and then the days mounted weeks started to mount and it does relate to actually everything that we've talked about today including the movie last night in the sense that the more the days went on without sleeping the more her mind turned frantic absolutely frantic very afraid very, very afraid almost like a panic moving into panic states of trying to find the problem remember how I said everyone who comes here is a problem solver and is a problem finder and what happens is as the weeks went on and there was no sleep it was the I Know Mind going crazy first of all it labeled the condition as sleep deprivation and it thought it knew research on what happens to the human being when you go for so long without any sleep deprivation and then all that it knew about the symptoms and how dangerous it was to health and dangerous to mental health and on and on the I Know Mind just started to get more and more frantic um and I remember praying and praying us joining and joining and praying into that and really what it was what it came down to was it was this again fear of the meaningless if that was the more it just started to mind to dip down and touch upon the meaninglessness that's where it was going crazy that's where the intense fear was coming out because it was like saying I'm a problem solver and I have to find the problem that was underneath the craziness I have to find the problem and it was like we would just pray together and be together and be together and pray together through all of it and it didn't break until she actually recognized that what was going on that it really wasn't about the sleep that was like the big distraction and it was this almost like there was a control with having to know what the problem was in order to come up with to generate the solution which is really I'd say at the bottom of the whole human condition except most of us don't get pushed to such an extreme we don't allow ourselves to take it out that far but this was someone who was very dedicated to spiritual awakening and that's where the breaking point came I remember after praying and praying and praying I would be joining with her and saying can you just let go of the defining of trying to define it that's where the it was going crazy she was just holding on desperately to the definition and that's what we've really been talking about the whole time and even last night in the movie you know when he finally suspects there's something amiss and he discovers nothing as it seems when he first comes back to his his friend played by Scarlett Johansson she's going to the island in her mind she's just all oh how sweet he comes to the door how sweet you're coming to visit me oh he's not coming to visit her for that he's got something to tell her and more than that he's not even going to tell her he's just going to grab her hand come with me you see he knows there's something much deeper there that they've got to both address and it's not that she's going to the island at all at one point in the elevator he says you still believe there's an island you know because things have to get rinsed away and that's really what's happening that's what's going on this is like a spiritual emergence or a spiritual awakening that you're going through and it's just taking the form of of the concern around the sleep that is also my own thought by just lying and electric it's like electric power which is going to my feet and my whole body and I'm getting crazy because ah and I don't have to do that because that's how we go to do it further so I just have to accept it it's what I can do yeah it's actually a call into mind training because remember the healed mind remember those three conditions that we started off with it does not know the outcome which is best even around the sleep it wouldn't know the outcome which is best nor the means I wish the problem is solved and this is the third one the problem that was the third one then what was the second one the means the first was the outcome means and then the problem the plan was meant to solve so those are real practical because you can see how applying those opens you to healing of mind which is really what you want that's the prayer of your heart you're calling for healing of the mind and as long as those are defined then there seems to be a panic around trying to find the problem that's really I can't handle the meaningless I have to know what the problem is and I find one time I visited California I visited a friend of mine and when I went to her and I spent some time with her she just told me I have this lifelong problem of I can't sleep I don't get enough sleep it wasn't a few years it was like this is a lifelong problem it's like my major whatever effect except I was in a state of mind where I don't see any problems so when my state of mind which I don't see a problem I'm certain there isn't one came together with her belief that she had a major sleeping problem we meditated together we rested together and we just spent the night together and the next morning she went that's the best night's sleep I've ever had in my life no problem meets problem light meets darkness and only light remains it took the form for her to understand she fell asleep in my arms literally and she had to surrender everything a whole history of a belief that she couldn't sleep but she did I just admired that willingness to totally trust and surrender into that and then she fell asleep and she was so happy in the morning I feel lost but I don't want to sleep there it is remember that's number two in here that you can't decide the means well many storkers have gone to court for that they may have gone to court but still this is Jesus Christ this is your book I just read it the court doesn't like Jesus doesn't like Jesus the court doesn't thank you how are we doing do we have time a little more time if anyone's yes yeah one more question we'll try actually it's not a subject for now I don't know it's just very essential because my impression is this forgiveness and I just want to hear if we get into that during those days because I haven't gone to court for that long and I just would like to get some advice on this forgiveness how do people want to use it practically and I don't know if we talk about that now but maybe the next next kind of day so yeah actually that's really all the courses about and really all of this retreat has only that aim whether we use the word or not whether we're watching movies whether we're having discussions like this it's like that is the one goal that is the one goal the one aim now what it is just like that passage I read about a healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan but it didn't mention the word forgiveness in there but it was the whole paragraph was about letting go of the goal the means the outcome you know all of that is like a surrender and then when you surrender everything when you really surrender all your concepts and ideas you have a realization that there's nothing to forgive in other words it's kind of funny forgiveness would be complete forgiveness would be the experience that there's nothing to forgive it's almost like a contradiction like how can forgiveness be that there's nothing to forgive but that's the experience of true forgiveness it doesn't first say that there's an error or a problem and then figure out a way to deal with it it sees that there was no problem which is what we've been talking about you know with this part we just read it's so different from the world which the world's teaching of forgiveness is there's been an actual wrongdoing somebody's done something really wrong and now we have to figure out a way to delete that it's already there like a sin is a sin and you have to find a way to to get past the sin you either some people even believe that you have to be forgiven by God you know that's a common one and then you get to the course and it says God does not forgive for he has never condemned and there must be condemnation first before forgiveness was necessary so even that gets taken away this idea that God has only God can forgive you God is so perfect and so loving that God doesn't even know forgiveness it's the Holy Spirit that is the one that's helping us release the illusions so a very simple definition of forgiveness would be releasing illusions but if we believe illusions are true you see what a predicament that puts you in now Jesus says you're trying to forgive what happened you're trying to forgive the truth we are not capable of forgiving the truth the only thing we can forgive or release is illusions and we have to be convinced by the Holy Spirit that they are illusions so what we work on is we don't try to heal from the top down we don't just start off with God as love all as one we say what do you feel what do you believe what are you thinking it's okay let it up whatever it is it's okay and we'll join together in joining with the Spirit to see that that can't really take your peace away because it doesn't have any validity you see it's so deep though that we're constantly this whole retreat is aimed at that one experience whether we call it that or not that's exactly what this is all about but still practically if you have an aggression to another person I can say I would let go I know it's an illusion but still it's there let's look at that if you have an issue we'll say with another person and you're being trained by the workbook like I have given everything I see all the meaning it has for me then really our issue with another person is trying to see of grievance or we'll call it a misperception as if it is outside of our mind as if it's in the person like they have their own private mind in there and their motivations and they it's bad what they did was evil their evil deed their evil behaviors came from evil thoughts and now how do we forgive their evil thoughts not us we're decent happy people we remind our business and we're going about our life but then they've got the evil thought over there and the evil behavior there's no way to forgive in that scenario we have to be convinced what we see is outside is not outside at all we're holding grievance in mind and they're acting it out for us they're actually helping us see what it is so you see it takes a lot of practice and what I do is I have spent many many years really refining and talking about forgiveness in many different ways but I call it one percent principle and I say the spiritual journey is one percent principle and ninety nine percent practice we have to practice practice practice practice practice it never ends until you get to a point where you have this peace and the practice is gone but that's you know realistically I tell people that's the way it goes because there's so many thoughts and so many things coming up in the mind that it's really like constant practice


Hello everyone, welcome to another NARC's Fiverr Live video And in this one, we're gonna be talking about When you run into them after no contact and yes, of course, I already know and I can understand that it may be Quite an uncomfortable experience for you. Of course the reason why I say that is because after everything that you've been through with them All of the abuse, the manipulation, the deception, the discard, the devaluation Of course, all of these things are gonna have an effect on you when you do run into them It's gonna be a very uncomfortable experience for you if I hasn't been already And of course I can understand that and that is why I wanted to put this video to make you aware of it and what they're going to do Or to help you understand what they've already done So yeah, that's why I had to get on here today to give you this message and What will happen when you do run into them after no contact as You can probably already guess They will Try to manipulate you And that is the number one thing that they're going to do and not only that As I've said before a narcissist my default all they can do is Manipulate you there's nothing else that they can do The best you will ever get from them is an illusion. You will never get anything real and You will already know that if you ever had a conversation With a narcissist, I'm sure you have You will know that it's just full of manipulation lies and deception Possibly even some future taken as well And that's really all it is. That's all you ever get from them But yes when you run into them after no contact, they will try to manipulate you that's a guarantee and That doesn't always mean that they will try to have a conversation with you It may also mean that they may just treat you with contempt. I say you're worthless or beneath that consideration and They may do that in the way where They are playing the victim so you're meant to have done something to them or another thing they might do is as though they are preying on you and Just tell themselves all these things about you in the head so that they can feel more comfortable around you because remember they are very insecure and they do have low self-esteem and Of course that has to go somewhere. They have to protect it on to you And they will continue to do that even after no contact after the discard When you run into them again and the reason why they will do that is because they've assigned that role to you and Just how it goes with narcissists once they assign that role to you. That's it for life. They will always expect you to identify as this person who they deem to be less than desirable and how they perceive it So but then that can change as well. Sometimes they can Reidealize you and begin to see you as being perfect again. They'll put you on this pedestal just so they can knock you off again and Yes, when they do that It is only a matter of time until they devalue you again it is only a matter of time until they do that and I Don't want to get too deep into that because that is quite a complex topic something that needs a video on its own, but it's pretty much to do with the emotional under development Where they're stuck at the age of Some of them maybe two or three years old Well, they see things in black and white. So something is either perfect or flawed good or bad right or wrong and Yes, when they re-idealize you that makes you as perfect in the beginning But then as we know it's only a matter of time until you become completely flawed So Yes, don't be gullible don't be foolish don't fall for that Because as I said they may try to manipulate you and Pull you back in with the lies and deception future faking They may try to make you believe that this time that they're about it for real and You're on the same page you share the same likes and interests dreams ideals all of this I've had it's only a matter of time until they start devaluing you again Yes, it's only a matter of time until they do that and Of course, we all know the reason why It's because they have to project this Impossible stand and an expectation for themselves on to you. Yes. That is why they do that as we all know They have to project their own insecurities and self-hatred on to give so That is what the row is going to do and that is why the love-bombing phase is always followed by the devaluation Yes, that is why it's always followed by that So this is to remind you and also to make you aware that yes When you run into them after no contact, it's always Just another trap That's all it's ever going to be.  They made you believe that no things can be different You've got them another chance they can change they can be better No, they can't it's maladaptive They cannot change adapt to adjust And if one of you maybe you're involved with someone and they do change I can guarantee it's only a matter of time until they change right back As dr. Ramini said this disorder it's like An elastic band it stretches So it may seem as though there's some room for short term change, but then it snaps right back to its original position And That's how it's always going to be you can't change that And if it seems like you can if it does remain consistent over a long period of time That just means you weren't dealing with a narcissist because if you were It will prove itself over time. It will remain consistent The dysfunctional behavior It will never Ever change And I can promise you that Yes, I know I understand in the past in some of my videos Maybe I remained a bit hopeful I I will admit that at times I even questioned if I was the narcissist Because I I guess in my past I could recognize some narcissistic traits as I mentioned before And then I started to make a lot of healthy changes in my life So then I started to look at it like Maybe these narcissists can change But no, they can't And that is a fact Anyone who says anything different It's wrong Narcissistic personality disorder will never Change and not just that But that also goes for Highly toxic people people who are highly narcissistic and maybe even some other cluster B disorders as well They are never going to change.   You don't want more weight on your shoulders So you need to let it go. You need to remember Everything you went through everything you put up with do you really want to go through that again? Because guess what the second time is going to be a lot worse It will only get worse the longer that you're with them and sadly unfortunately on average the A typical victim of narcissistic abuse They may break up with a narcissist about seven times And then it's finally over So think about that. Do you really want to go for it seven times? Do you really want to do that again? And that is why I need you to know that I need you to be aware of this That it cannot change all you're ever going to get is manipulation lies deception future faking All of that I do even if you do take them back and give them another chance You're just going to get denial projection blame shifting gas lighting You're going to go through it all over again And then in the end they're just going to discard you And then you're going to end up feeling rejected And you're going to have a lot of regret you're going to wish that you didn't give them another chance And that is why I have to put this message out there That is why I have to make you aware of this Because once you have the awareness you were able to To change what could otherwise be your future And I don't want you to go through that again So that's why I have to share this message with you and Yeah, it's really just to inform you and to make you aware And to protect you And I want you to Continue along your healing journey Continue watching the videos Self-reflecting and going within yourself Doing things that you are passionate about doing things that you're interested in Like me right now. I'm just out here having a walk Looking at this amazing view here of the city It's very healing for me And it's also very healing for me to talk to you and to help you But it heals me too But as you can probably tell I am pretty much already Fully healed as it is but I mean no one's ever completely healed. This is something it's an ongoing process. It's like going to the gym You're never completely done with it. You have to keep going You have to motivate yourself Discipline and that's where I come in because I'm here for you on that as well I'm always here for your motivation for your inspiration To uplift you To give you what you need and I know that it is my duty To do that. It is my mission in life Which is why I have to get on this every day To put out this message to make you aware To make sure that Life continues to get better for you Because that is what I really want I want to see you heal move on and find someone That deserves you Because that's really what this is about someone who actually does deserve you and as we all know You do not deserve to be involved with a narcissist a self-absorbed person who lacks empathy That doesn't give a damn about what you're going through That's not what we do in here. We all support each other. We love each other We grow together And we build as well. So yeah That's the message for today. I'm just looking for the live chat here. Let me know if you do have any questions I've got some time I will answer your questions for you and give you a detailed response So let me know your questions down below in the live chat. I will read them out right now And while we're waiting for the questions, let's just admire this Incredible view here Of the city Dean says I saw my knock for the first time in three years Just a couple of months ago. He just smirked at me and walked off Yeah, they will do that. They will give you the old narcissistic smirk And when they do that, you should already know what they're thinking in the heads Remember these people are very arrogant and delusional They treat you with an air of superiority as though they're above you and that's literally how they see you When they see you after no contact They're just thinking in the heads.  They're thinking all of these Weird things as though something is wrong with you Because this goes back to the black-white mentality that they have Due to that emotional and the development Where they see People is all good or bad right or wrong And of course for them to be good and right you have to be bad and wrong That's just how it is But once you're aware of it, it can help you to Detach from it and observe not absorb By realizing that it has nothing to do with you It's more to do with this Disorder It's lack of order and functionality within their brains So it doesn't have to resonate with you. It's not something that you have to identify with Louisa, is there a first sign you are dealing with a narc? You know, that is actually a very Difficult question to answer. It's quite complicated And the reason why I say that is When you first get involved with someone A lot of people On the first date they could come across as being narcissistic Because no one's going to be so deeply involved with you at the first meeting And if they are that should be a red flag If someone's really coming around you and You know, they're so fixated on you so interested in you That doesn't seem right to me. That doesn't seem healthy That tells me that They are deficient in something There's something that they are missing and they are trying to get it from you Without thinking about you without trying to understand you or what you want But even if they do try to understand that it's only so they can get what they want from you Which means that it's fake Real things take time Real things are not just something that happen overnight So Yes, keep that in mind and trees are made of woods asks How do you manage stone wall with them if you have kids together? Again, that is a very Good question And of course it can be very difficult to completely Cut communication with somebody if you have kids with them It can be very difficult for you to do that in that type of situation Which is why what you need to do is involve lawyers and the courts but even then I will admit that Narcissists, they are very good in the courts They are very good at manipulating Lawyers and judges so As I said, you know, it is a good question. It's quite a difficult one to answer Ideally, yes, that is what you should do is use the court system But as I said, sometimes it can work against you. So be very careful with that British Jones. Hello. Good morning to you ma'am. Yes ma'am says How long will they hoover? I've gotten consistent voicemails for one and a half years and I haven't responded to any It really depends on the type of narcissist that you were dealing with I mean To be blunt and honest Some narcissists, they really have no life They have nothing going on. They have no other options. They've just got no purpose whatsoever Other than to hoover you Other than to give you consistent voicemails for one and a half years as you said so Of course these types of narcissists, they're never going to leave you alone because they've got nothing else to do anyway and it's as simple as that because Obviously if you were dealing with someone Who has a lot of things going on in their lives Let's say they have a job or a business things that are important to them Maybe they have a family, friends, whatever it is. They've got a mission, a purpose They've got all of these things They're not even gonna notice you They won't even see your emails or whatever it is you're sending and They're not gonna have any time to give you voicemails They're not gonna have any time to do that Because they're gonna be too distracted by their mission, their purpose What they've got going on in their lives to even notice you So of course what you're talking about here, you're describing a narcissist who Has no life. They're very desperate and needy And I'm sure you will recognize these traits in them if they're not leaving you alone And these are really the worst type of narcissists to deal with. They can be very dangerous Because they will do anything to get your attention To get a reaction out of you. They will do anything to do that Because if they don't get it from you Where are they gonna get it?  Yes ma'am And yeah, it could go on for the rest of your life And I've heard in some cases it does One of my clients says they were stalked and harassed Since the 1980s So of course that is a very long time. That's about 50 years So some of these narcissists, of course, they never let go Just looking for the live chat here Count your blessings. Yes He or she says it's been years and I still get Hoover Just this week Well, you know these types of narcissists are not going to leave you alone I mean even I myself I can tell you on my own experience It's usually from Certain clients that I've had although I can't name names I've had one person who Has been sending me emails maybe 10 emails a day every day for the last four years And I just saw them again the other day somehow they Made their way out of my spam folder So I had to make sure they were back in there again and On top of that I've had some clients they've taken flights from the u.s To London and then booked a session with me Told me that in the uk They Well, they're in Starbucks So yes, I I I know what it's like, you know, I've been for it myself and It is a very Uncomfortable experience. It really is, you know when someone is invading your personal space And all you want is just to be left alone Yes, I know what that's like and Very sorry that you have to go through that But all you can do really is just try and cut contact with them. Maybe change your phone number your social media To prevent them from gaining access to you JS says I wouldn't put up with them. I would politely walk out They're crazy Yeah, that's really the best thing to do In these types of situations when you see them after no contact You just have to Stay silent and walk away from them. But even then, you know, that may give them supply. They may think that they've gotten to you You never know what they're telling themselves in their minds anything you do Any kind of action or movement in their minds to think oh, it's because of me I I caused them to do that. That's how a narcissist thinks so Yes, they will think like that, but you've got to do it for you. You've got to do what you think will protect yourself at all costs Andrea Douglas says Good morning. I do believe the narcissist a guy. I was involved with knows. I'm serious about not ever going back Your channel is helping me. Thank you. I'm glad to hear that Andrea good morning to you as well and yes, that's how it should be is that You should make it clear to them that you want Nothing to do with them Because as I've said these people they can be very delusional It's like no matter what you do They can always change it in their minds to make themselves believe That maybe you do want them around and that is why they just don't leave you alone That is why they do that So You do need to make it as clear as possible Even if it is just by completely ignoring them and walking away, but yeah, I hope these Answers to your questions were helpful Hope it resonated with you Just sending these good vibes out to you and Yeah, I hope it uplifts you Because of course that is what it's intended to do It's intended to inspire and motivate you And move you into a healthier direction because as we know dealing with these types of people It's no fun It's no good for you Now that is really the worst combination On top of that, I mean not just something that's unhealthy But something that's also no fun as well I mean That's like a double blow Because of course sometimes we may weigh the risk and reward of doing certain things And while we may know in the back of our minds, yes, this may be A healthy may not be good for me But it does bring me some type of pleasure as well So we can justify it in that way and then we can participate and enjoy it We can find pleasure And gratification in doing that But with narcissists No You don't even get that With narcissists it is I've said it before narcissists are boring They're so predictable. It's just the same thing again and again and it's It's like it never ends you're waiting for it to end but it just keeps going And you're just wondering when it's going to stop So yeah, it is A real issue Because it's the way that they pull you in and You know, they make you believe they're about something to give you these lies and these deception these manipulations To make you think That they are on the same page and they share your ideals and interests When in reality No They don't And in fact A lot of them they're not even on the same page is here They're trying to understand and study you learn you to see where you're coming from And to see what brings you pleasure But they're not interested in any of that They don't even care about it They're just doing it for you and That's really the worst part about it when you realize that you're alone and You know when you're in a relationship with someone You want company You want to feel like you're sharing an experience with someone But I know a lot of you you're in these relationships And you feel more alone than if you were actually alone And for me in my experience, that's the worst part about it Is You think of it Like I may as well be alone Because I feel so lonely It's like They don't even care about me. They're not even interested in me And it just makes you feel so small I know how that feels I felt that way before and Yeah, it's not nice when you feel lonely and you're meant to be in a relationship with someone who's supposed to love and care for you It's not nice to go through that and the reason why you're in that is because Quite honestly, you don't value yourself enough Because if you valued yourself You would already be planning your escape out of it That's what you would be doing And even if you did run into them after no contact you would just be Thinking about How the hell am I going to get away from this person? That's what you'd be thinking in your mind If you are a healthy Person like myself You would just be wanting to run away Although that may not always be the healthiest thing to do The physical act of running away Because of course you need to have some self-control and discipline You need to be able to manage your emotions in different environments But it's constantly on your minds where you're thinking I've got to get myself out of this situation because this is not My kind of scene and that's good if you are thinking that way When you're with them when you're around them I can tell you from my own experience when I communicate with narcissistic toxic people When I'm forced to Communicate them over the phone or through text I feel physically sick in my stomach And it's a very intense Feeling and emotion When you feel that That means you've already healed That means that you are A healthy person So just keep that in mind But I know that many of you are Still at the beginning of your healing journey And that's okay. Yes, it is a process. It does take time And we all understand that So Take your time along your journey You will get there eventually with A therapist support or my support However, you would like it to be As you know I'm partnered with BetterHelp And you can arrange Some sessions with them And get a discount as well if you go to the link betterhelp.com slash narc survivor Or if you'd like to speak to me one-on-one You can book that on my website Which is narcsurvivor.co.uk So yeah, there's some resources there for you If you are beginning your healing journey It will be very good for you And it will help you to move forward Which is what I want you all to do But yeah, that's it for today's video I hope you enjoyed. I hope it was helpful And as always, you can give it a thumbs up down below if you enjoyed it Helps to spread the message to other survivors Of narcissistic abuse Other than that, I'd just like to thank you all And I will talk to you in another video very soon


The source for the New York City water supply was recently tested for the occurrence of pharmaceutical and personal care products. As I talked about in one of my previous videos, many of the drugs we take are excreted in our urine and can end up polluting our waterways. What about New York City? Well, they found trace amounts of drugs like tauanol, ibuprofen, stimulants like nicotine caffeine, hormones like estrone and testosterone, somatobiotics, a barbiturate, valium. The levels they found were extremely low, though, well under the New York safety standards. The concern is bioaccumulation. Does it build up in the flesh of fish swimming in it? Well, in a national study of the occurrence of pharmaceuticals and personal care products in fish, they did find, for example, Prozac metabolized in fish fillets at levels higher than that found in the surrounding water. But before one considers eating fish to improve their mood, though that these drugs are mostly concentrated in the brains of fish, and a recent Harvard study looked at fish consumption and depression, the Harvard Nurses study, and their findings do not support a protective effect of the long chain omega-3s from fish on depression risk. Though they do support the hypothesis that higher ALA, the plant-based omega-3 found in flax seeds and walnuts, may reduce depression risk.