Okay, bunnies and bunnets. Today we are going to discuss a very sad topic, which is why I'm going to fortify myself with a sip of wine. And the only reason is because I'm a supernova galactic empath, as you all know by now. Today's topic, your grief after narcissistic abuse, your mourning after a relationship with a narcissist, your grieving of what has been and what could have been of him and you and both of you. What I'm proposing today is going to be difficult to hear. I'm suggesting that your grief is another stage in the shared fantasy. Twilight Zone. Okay, sure shall not. My name is Sam Vaknin and I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited. I'm a former visiting professor of psychology in Southern Federal University, who was formed on Russian Federation. And I'm a member of the Faculty of Seaups Commonwealth for International Advanced Professional Studies in Toronto, Canada, Cambridge, United Kingdom, and what else, Lagos, Nigeria. Let us delve right in. Grieving in the wake of a narcissistically abusive shared fantasy is a fantasy. Your very grief is incorporated into the shared fantasy and constitutes an integral part of it. You mourn the shared fantasy via another fantasy of grief. Your grief, therefore, is not entirely real. It is divorced from reality, and this is also the key to overcoming it and healing, as I will discuss in the second part of the video. But first, we need to understand what is fantasy, how does it relate to grief, or your grief more particularly, and why a relationship with a narcissist within a shared fantasy is very different to a relationship with anyone else. And therefore, the breakup with a narcissist is not the same as a breakup with any other partner. Let's start with the fact that as an intimate partner, you internalize the narcissist snapshot of you. Now remember, when the narcissist comes across you and considers you a potential source of narcissistic supply, a playmate, a mother figure, maternal substitute, when the narcissist makes up his mind that you could fit in as his so-called intimate partner in a new shared fantasy, the first thing he does, he takes a snapshot of you. Now this snapshot, this snapshotting process clinically is called identification, internalization, interjection. It has three phases. I'm not going into it because I've dedicated like 943 videos to it, so just search the channel. The first thing he does, the narcissist, he takes a snapshot. And again, when I say he, it also means she, there's an equal number of women who are narcissists. And so please don't start to spew your endless comments about how I only use he and I actually should use they etc. I'm going to use he because that's the good common literary form has been in the last few hundred years. Okay, when the narcissist comes across you, he internalizes your snapshot. He creates a snapshot of you and it becomes an internal object. But the same thing happens to you. You internalize the narcissist's snapshot of you. Now, the snapshot starts off as a mental representation of you, of reality, of an external object. It's exactly like a true snapshot. But then the narcissist photoshopped the snapshot. He idealizes you. He creates a fantastic constant internal object that replaces you. He no longer interacts with you in reality. He interacts with your internal object in his mind, but he does something a lot more pernicious. He forces you to do the same. He coerces you into internalizing the way he sees you. You interject the narcissist's gaze. In your own mind, you become the snapshot and it's very intoxicating because the snapshot is everything you're not. It's ideal. It's perfect. It's drop dead gorgeous. It's hyper super intelligent and so on and so forth. You would want to be this snapshot. You want to conform to this snapshot. You want to become this idealized image of you. You fall in love with your idealized self.  You fall in love with yourself through the narcissist's gaze. You have every incentive in the world to internalize this gaze and appropriate it. Make it yours. At some point, the only thing that's left in the shared fantasy is a snapshot of you. You have become the snapshot also as an external object. Both of you share an agreement on who you are and who you are is this idealized two-dimensional cardboard cutout. This is why it's called a shared fantasy because you share the fantasy. A shared fantasy is not so much about roles because you don't have any discernible roles in a shared fantasy. A shared fantasy is much more about who you are, about your essence.    And it's a passive thing. Roles imply an active participation. But in the shared fantasy, you're supposed to be passive. You're reduced to two-dimensionality to become a photograph. And you do it also in order to please the narcissist. You're trying to conform to the narcissist's expectations of you. You're trying to become this idealized snapshot. Thereby pleasing him, placating him and preventing abuse. Intermittent reinforcement and trauma bonding is all about this process. You also, by becoming the snapshot, you also have an answer to the question, what does he want from me? What he wants from you is to become the snapshot. If you diverge from the snapshot, if you deviate from the snapshot, you're going to be punished. And if punishment won't do it, it's going to devalue and discard you because you're no longer the snapshot. Now, this is an insight, not my insight. It is Lacan's insight, his concept of neurotic fantasy. So the fantasy in this case, you adopt the fantasy. You share the fantasy in order to please the narcissist, in order to love, to self-love, to fall in love with your idealized self. And in order to answer the question, what does he want from me? The minute you find, the minute you know the answer to this question, you feel safe.  But what is a fantasy? I keep saying fantasy, shared fantasy, this, neurotic fantasy. What is a fantasy? Fantasy is imagination, replacing a portion of reality or all of it with imagination. Now, there are numerous types of fantasy. There is a conscious fantasy versus an unconscious one. A discursive or narrative fantasy versus an existential fantasy, state of mind. For example, saying I'm Napoleon, that's delusional, but it's also fantastic. So it has an element of existential fantasy, or I'm a good person. That's a fantasy. There is a simple fantasy versus a complex fantasy. An ephemeral fantasy passes and forgotten versus a fixed fantasy lifelong. A common fantasy versus an uncommon fantasy.  Now, in today's world, for example, narcissistic shared fantasies have become the norm. When I was born, which is when the last dinosaurs roamed the earth just before the comet, when I was born, narcissistic fantasies were culturally frowned upon. These people were sanctioned, driven away, shunned. Today, narcissistic shared fantasies are the aspiration.  They are culturally, they are culturally... ...syntonic. Culture encourages you to be narcissistic and to engage in a shared fantasy. So culturally sanctioned fantasies versus culturally dystonic, and the narcissistic shared fantasy transitioned from culturally dystonic to culturally sanctioned. Then there is the discharge fantasy versus the defense fantasy, we'll discuss it in a few minutes, and there is inherited primal fantasy versus experiential fantasy. I think the last distinction is nonsensical, but there are many psychologists who adhere to it. The idea is that we inherit fantasies genetically somehow. We inherit fantasies from the earlier generations. It's kind of primal fantasies. We are born with them. Okay, I think it's unmitigated nonsense, but okay, there are quite a few psychologists who adhere to this. It fulfills their need for fantasy, I guess. Okay, another distinction that I think is very important is whether the fantasy is self-contained, solipsistic, has nothing to do with reality, does not build upon any figments or elements of the world or the universe as we know them, therefore has no objectivity whatsoever. That's one type of fantasy, the self-contained or solipsistic fantasy, versus what I call the incorporating fantasy. It's a fantasy that includes reality somehow, but it includes reality in a way that falsifies reality. So in this sense, defense mechanisms are mini-fantasies. So the incorporating fantasy either represses reality, denies it, but by recognizing it, it recognizes it and then it denies it. Of course, you can't deny or repress something that does not exist. You just need to accept the existence of something and only then you can repress and deny it.  And the other option is to reframe reality, to perfect fiction, to emotionally invest in fiction in symbols or in what Lacan called the signifying structure. Okay, this is a general introduction to fantasy. Fantasy is imagination, flights of fantasy. That's all there is to it. Fantasies involve compensatory wish fulfillment. You have a wish, you don't believe you can fulfill it, you don't believe it will ever be realized, actualized or materialized, and so you fantasize about fulfilling this wish. And the fantasy is compensatory and future-oriented. Of course, you fulfill wishes in the future. The alternative is a reconstructive fantasy, a fantasy that reconstructs the past somehow. Many scholars say that all memory is a form of reconstructive fantasy. They fantasize about what has happened in the past. We don't really remember anything, at least not rigorously and objectively, as we like to believe.  This was Lacan's contribution to the science of fantasy.  And it's a defense mechanism intended to fend off and firewall and protect against hurt and pain. And that's why abused children develop fantasy defenses. And when these fantasy defenses go awry, they become pathological narcissism. And fantasy can also involve a geduncan experiment, a thought experiment. They can be experimental, testing out scenarios not in reality where there would be consequences, but in your mind, in the safety of your imagination. So, testing hypothetical experimental fantasies. Now, this is fantasy. What about a shared fantasy? In a shared fantasy, many of the functions of the fantasy are outsourced. So, when you as an intimate partner participate in the shared fantasy, what you're doing actually, you're outsourcing many of these functions of the fantasy to your partner. You become passive. And this passivity, this relegation of responsibility, decision-making and angst to use Sartre's word. So, this, the fact that you are relieved of the burden of existence, it's an existential decision. These endow you with a sense of safety, stability, predictability, determinacy and certainty. So, by outsourcing yourself to your intimate partner, by allowing the fantasy to take over functions that normally should be internal and autonomous. By doing this, you acquire peace of mind. And in this sense, the intimate partner in the shared fantasy is always a borderline, even when she is not a borderline. Because what is borderline personality disorder? It's emotional dysregulation. It's very important. But even as importantly, it's the outsourcing of internal regulation to the outside. The borderline patient asks her intimate partner, demands from her intimate partner, to regulate her emotions and her moods to be the rock around which she can construct her universe. And in a shared fantasy, every partner, every intimate partner of the narcissist, whether she has borderline or not, becomes a borderline in this restricted sense. She demands from the narcissist to regulate her internal environment, her mind, to take over her mind. And many partners of narcissists describe it exactly this way. As a takeover of their minds. It's kind of brainwashing. And of course, I call it in training, boring from recent studies in neuroscience. Okay, so this is a shared fantasy. Shared fantasy is a fantasy involving two people where one of the people involved transfers her mental functions to an outside, to the other partner. That's a shared fantasy. And in the shared fantasy, the intimate partner of the narcissist becomes passive and adopts his view of herself, sees herself exclusively through his gaze, thereby idealizing herself and objectifying herself. Now, this is very similar to a concept first described by Lucy Lafarge. LAF, AR, GE, yeah, like the Lafarge in Britain. In 2004 and 2006, she coined the phrase fantasies of the imaginer and fantasies of the imagined. And this pertain to object relations between a parent and a child. Now, remember that in my work, the shared fantasy relies on a mechanism called dual mothership.  So Lafarge's work is very relevant, very applicable to the dual mothership mechanism within the shared fantasy. What she says is that the object relations between the parent and the child involves engaging together in imagining the child's experience. The parent's capacity for an attitude in imagining the child, imagining the child's snapshotting, has an impact upon the child's subjective experience of the parent.  The two sets of fantasies, the imagined and the imaginer, the two sets of fantasies, the child fantasizes the parent, the parent fantasizes the child. The two sets of thus dialectically linked, these fantasies of the imaginer and the imagined are ubiquitous, but often remain silent during the clinical work. They draw upon historical experience, but are also altered by wishes and defenses against those wishes. With their emergence in treatment, for example, the patient may remain in the imagined child role and cast the analyst in the imagining parent role. And this is exactly what you do in a shared fantasy. You cast the narcissist in the role of the imagining parent. You want the narcissist to imagine you. And of course the narcissist wants you to do the same with him. You're both imaginer and imagined in these fantasies. So in a later paper, Lafarge in 2009, she applied these ideas to lying and deception. Very interesting in itself, I'll deal with it maybe one day. Another scholar that is of interest is Michel Perron-Borelli. 1997, Michel Perron-Borelli. She said that every fantasy is centered on a representation of action, whether active, like seducing, or passive, being seduced. And she defined fantasy in terms of a three-part structure comprised of an agent, an action and an object of the action. And this structure is analogous to the basic grammatical subject-verb-object pattern. So it's not an accident perhaps that language reflects the development of thought. And it indicates that the origins of thinking of cognition are in fantasy. It seems that the first act of mentation by the baby is fantasy, exactly as Klein had suggested. All fantasy activity, therefore, in indeed all thought, may be conceived of as a system of transformations of this basic structure by a variety of means, changing of places by the subject and the object relative to the action. For example, changing from activity to passivity of vice versa, the replacement of the object or the subject, the assumption by the subject of the viewpoint of an outside observer, which is what I've been saying, you adopt the narcissist's snapshotting of you. And so in this view, the subject comes into being and develops by virtue of these transformations themselves. The narcissist gives you the experience of becoming. It is like the narcissist is giving birth to you, he's your womb, and he's giving birth to you within the shared fantasy. And of course, because he is the birth giver, he is your mother, almost in the biological sense, he also defines you or redefines you.  So when you mourn the shared fantasy, you are mourning the loss of the narcissist. You're mourning the loss of the shared fantasy.   You're mourning many things and I've dwelt upon all these in multiple interviews and videos over the last six years. The mourning process of the narcissistic abuse is multifarious and it's prolonged, that's a prolonged grief disorder. But it's important to understand that you're mourning something that had never existed. When we apply emotions or cognitions to something that had never existed, even if we believe that it had existed counterfactually, that is fantasy. In other words, your grief is fantasy and could be easily construed and perceived as the last stage of the shared fantasy.  Your mourning and grieving, they are within the shared fantasy. They are strongly indicative that you have never exited the shared fantasy. You've never separated and individuated. When the baby, when the infant toddler separates from mommy, there is a process of grieving and mourning and trauma and terror. And that's exactly what's happening to you. It's exactly what's happening to you. And there are six stages of grief. There are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and hope. I'm going to touch upon each and every one of them briefly. They were first described in 1969 by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She proposed five stages. She interviewed patients who were dying of cancer. And then over the years, the theory has been expanded and so on and so forth. And in 1992, Dr. Kenneth Doca, DOKA, added hope to the five stages of grief. And he recognized that many people find it helpful to have something to look forward to after a breakup or death in the family or any type of loss that provokes mourning and grieving. So he added hope. Each stage involves a set of emotions and people often move back and forth between the stages. But it's important to remember that ultimately you have to cycle through all the stages in order to reach hope, in order to reach healing. Reconciliation with yourself and reclaiming and regaining your true you. Because immediately after the shared fantasy, having been discarded or broken up with the narcissist or even walked away of your own accord and volition, immediately in the aftermath, you are a snapshot. There's no you. You exist only within the shared fantasy. Shared fantasy defines you. You need to move on by finding, rediscovering, reinventing if need be yourself. And this can be done only through the stages of grief. Breakups, especially breakups of shared fantasy, provoke a grieving process, which is not very different to grieving over death or an extreme loss, loss of freedom or loss of your entire wealth or loss of a workplace that meant a lot to you and loss. And so you need to self affirm. You need to validate your grief. You need, you don't deny your grief, but accept that you have lost not only something external, but you have lost a big part of yourself. Grief is the recognition that you had been amputated.  It's a recognition of that part. It's mourning that part. Your identity would never be the same in the wake of a shared fantasy. You need a lot of self compassion and you need other people's compassion. So networking and socializing and connecting with others and nurturing your sense of self via other people's input and gaze, not in an addictive way, not via fantasy. These are all very important. We'll discuss this in detail a bit later. So the loss of the narcissist and the loss of yourself are inextricably linked. They are one and the same. The narcissist had come to be your substitute self. Now that's a very, very important distinction. In a typical breakup, you're able to tell apart yourself from your lost partner. You know where you end and the partner began, where you ended and the partner began. So when the partner walks away, when you dump the partner, when you lose the partner, you know where you end, when you still retain yourself. So the dual morning or the dual grief in a typical breakup is for the lost partner and for yourself. And these are two concurrent parallel processes, not so in a shared fantasy. In a shared fantasy, there's been an enmeshment, merger, fusion. You've become one with your tormentor, with your abuser, with the narcissist.  You're gone wholly. You have been vacated. So it's much more terrifying than just a typical breakup. It's you mourn him and you mourn you in him.   You can't tell there's no boundaries. You can't tell both of you apart. There is sadness, anger, negative effects, but because you're one with the narcissist, they're often self-directed. So in a healthy or normal relationship, when the partner walks away, when you dump the partner, you can be angry at the partner. But you'll never be, you'll not be angry at yourself or not to that extent. But in the shared fantasy, any emotion, however negative, however extreme, you want to destroy the partner.  You want to incarcerate, get the partner imprisoned.   You are the narcissist. You have become one with the narcissist. And so anything you want to do to the narcissist, you end up doing to yourself. And all this, all this negative affectivity is poisoning you. It's toxic. It's the only reason you should walk away and forget and forgive if not forget. Because you are one with the narcissist and it's a very dangerous game to play. Now, separating yourself from another person is never easy because it involves very powerful emotions such as love and very powerful cognitions such as hope. It's never easy. But how do you separate yourself from yourself? Because that's who the narcissist is, yourself. The narcissist is shape-shifting. He's protein. There's nobody there. He is, he is your reflection. The narcissist is who you could have been.  The narcissist shapes him, kind of, the narcissist slithers over you and fits you like a glove. He kinds of slides all over you and engulfs you and encompasses you.  Breaking up with the narcissist is the same as skinning yourself alive. It's that onerous. It's that tumultuous. It's that torturous. It's a horrible process to go through. And so we need to understand that in a shared fantasy there's no harmony. There's no community. There's a hostile takeover. There is body and mind snatching. It's a horror movie. There was no comfort. There was no happiness. What is it that you are mourning if not him? What did he give you in a shared fantasy if not your own thoughts amplified? Your own wishes fantasized in your own image idealized. There was nobody there. That is the harrowing truth. That is why your grief can never end because you are grieving a non-entity that has never been there coupled with you. You who have been snatched and had been rendered in absence. The narcissist's emptiness and absence are contagious. You had become a null proposition. You've become a null sentence. You've become a nothing.  And any needed craving you have for the narcissist is a needed craving for becoming, for being again. Not being something. Being. I mean you just want to be again. Because when you are in the shared fantasy you are not. That's a non-existential state. So this loss of self which comes from enmeshment and suspension of being doesn't foster strong inner harmony. You are in the position of no longer recognizing yourself and no longer comprehending what it is that has happened to you. It's a whiplash. You are totally disoriented. And this loss of identity is the ultimate form of grief. We grieve over losses. We mourn absences. And what is bigger than losing yourself? And what is harsher than being absent in your own life? And it starts with denial. That's the first stage of grief. It's an important part. It allows you to accept that he is gone. You need to accept his departure. It's not about forgetting. It's not about pretending that he may be back. You need to understand that he would never be back. Even if he were to try to hover you, you need to have boundaries and say no. So he's gone. He's gone. And this lacuna, this void that he has left behind is a black hole.  And you will never, ever escape. Never.  So there's disbelief, there's shock, there's numbness, there's derealization. You feel that your life has become a kind of nightmare or dream, a fantasy. You know, in the stage of denial, that's the stage where you realize that you're living in a fantasy, that you've always been in a fantasy with this man or woman, with a narcissist. It's always been a fantasy, but the denial is so powerful. The shock is so externally enormous that all your defenses are down.  And the reality is there has been no reality. It's always been a fantasy. And so you feel like you're in a dream, trapped in a dream, a bad dream, a nightmare. And that is when you get your first chance to process what's happening. Because you keep telling yourself, this isn't happening to me. I know this isn't happening to me.  You reject the idea that it's over. You believe, you create an alternative fantasy of him coming back to you or you going back to them or this kind of thing. This is proof positive that the shared fantasy does not end when he exits your life, does not end when he discards you. And he's not over when you dump him.  And then when you have realized this, and when you have accepted that you had been imprisoned, that you had been shackled and incarcerated and brainwashed and entrained, and that you had been subjected to an invasion of your mind and very frequently your body, then you transition to anger. And feeling angry is normal and healthy. Be angry with everything possible. Be angry with yourself. Be angry with him. Be angry with God if you are delusionally inclined. You're feeling abandoned. You're justified. Your anger is justified. You're right to be angry. Now in the shared fantasy, there's a complication. You remember the dual mothership?  It is not okay to be angry at mother.   You need to overcome this.  And during the love bombing phase, he acted as a mother would.   It's all been fake. So you need to overcome this and you need to validate your anger and direct it at the right target. And anger is also often hampered by the need for closure. There are unsaid things between us. There's still an unsettled account. There isn't. Within the shared fantasy, you had all the information that you would ever need. The narcissist ironically is very honest. He may lie about facts or about behaviors. But emotionally at least, he's very honest. He's openly abusive. He is clearly entraining. He is brainwashing. Everything he does is very open in the open. He often discusses these things with you. He agrees with you in advance about everything from sexual fantasies to who's in charge. So you need to accept this. There are no unsaid things between you. There's no agenda left. There's nothing more to talk about. Let alone do together. So feel angry towards him. Feel angry towards yourself. Accept and validate it.  Allow this anger to dissipate the shared fantasy. Because shared fantasy cannot survive or subsist in an angry environment. Shared fantasy requires the pretension of love and compassion and affection and acceptance and empathy and support and so on. It's a piece of fiction. It's a theater production. It cannot tolerate anger coming from the intimate part. It can tolerate anger coming from the narcissist, but never from the intimate part. So need for revenge, feelings of rage, resentment for having disrupted you. You are now a person interrupted. So you need to accept this. Not allowing you to attain inner harmony and to cultivate yourself. Resenting yourself.  Even self-blaming. You need to let all these happen. And not saying you need to act on some of these things. Because anger often leads you astray into dangerous and risky situations. Don't. Do not succumb to your anger. Just let your anger into action. But live with it. Embrace it. Accept it. Immerse yourself in it. Allow yourself to fully experience it. And direct it at him as well. And tell yourself, I never want to go through this again. So this is the end. I don't need closure. I don't want to see him again. And that leads to the next stage. The next stage is bargaining. You start to feel that there's something you could have done differently. You wish you had done things differently. You wish you had tried harder. Spend more time. Be more understanding. There's a sense of guilt for things you didn't do. And things you did do. There's a sense of shame and blame for things you didn't say. And things you did say. And this becomes overwhelming very quickly. So you need to start to bargain with yourself. Or again, if you're delusionally inclined with a higher power. You need to bargain with yourself. You need to say I will do anything if only this doesn't happen. Or I will do this and this. If God gives me another chance. Or life gives me another chance. The bargaining stage is about making deals. Not with anyone out there. Not with a narcissist. Heaven for a friend. Never. It's striking a deal with yourself. Creating a new bargain with yourself. Allowing you to find a way out of the pain you're feeling. There is comfort in knowing that you have learned your lesson. And that you've incorporated your lesson into your thinking. And that therefore the chances are this will never happen again. Ruminating on thoughts like I could have done this or I should have done that. This is a waste of time. All the kudos, kudevs, wudevs, shudevs. It's a waste of time. Unless you derive lessons. And then you implement them within a grand bargain. Grand bargain with yourself. To salvage future relationships and your identity. And to regain yourself. And so bargaining is just an insurance policy. A self reassurance as to the future. But of course it has very little applications. Little application to the present. Okay. It won't happen in the future. I won't do this in the future. I've learned my lesson. Great. What about now? I'm angry. I'm mourning. I'm grieving. And I'm helpless. I'm impotent. There's nothing you can do to the narcissist really. In the vast majority of cases. There's nothing you can do.  Like a twister. Ruining everything in his path. And then exited. As disinterested. And as indifferent. And as in human. As he has been when he entered. And he left you with a legacy. Of a shared fantasy. Inability to interface and interact with reality properly. And impaired reality justice. And a view of yourself. That is highly skewed. And unrealistic. These are the gifts of the narcissist. And all the closure. All the bargaining in the world. And all the anger in the universe. Will not help you. And so when you realize that. When you finally. Understand. Comprehend the extent. Of the ruinous damage. You develop depression. Depression. Is an integral phase. Of grieving. And you should let it happen. Do not fight it. Do not mediate. Do not mediate it. Depression is super important. In healing from grief. And overcoming mourning. It's characterized. By intense feelings of sadness. And emptiness. You might feel loneliness. Existential loneliness. And again it can provoke anger. Why do I still want him? You know. Why can't I live without him? Why when he's gone I want him back. What's wrong with me? I've just struck a bargain with myself. And minutes later I'm again violating. I'm again breaching. The covenant. With myself that I've made. And so forgive yourself. For being human. Depression. Is. The crux. And the gist. Of mourning. It's the understanding. The unmolested and uncontested understanding. That you are alone. All of us are. Alone. That. You're the only one. Responsible for your emotions. You can't be responsible for anyone else's emotions. And therefore. You should own. Your emptiness. And your emptiness. And even sometimes your suicidal ideation. You should own them. You should embrace them as yours. You should integrate them. You should leverage them. To accomplish good outcomes. So there's disbelief. There's numbness. There's shock. At who? Your narcissists. Your intimate partner. Who he really was. Or is. And at who you had become. In order to accommodate him. Succeedingly depressing. Because. In. Placing yourself in this situation. Consenting to become a part of a shared fantasy. Is. The mother. Of all self betrayals. You have betrayed yourself. It's as if you have cheated on yourself. And of course you are depressed. Of course you are depressed. Because you have discovered. That you are not a good friend to yourself.  That is a terrifying thought. A paralyzing thought. Depression is a form of self directed aggression. In some schools. Schools of psychological thinking. So these intense and overwhelming feelings of. Sadness. Isolation. Hopelessness. You begin to develop automatic negative thoughts. New ones. Like. I'm undeserving of happiness. I can never get anything right. No new relationship will work. And you need CBT. Cognitive behavior therapy. You experience. These emotions. And they're not bad for you. They're cathartic. They purify you. They purge you. The essence of self. And putting down the foundations of healing. Detox. Ask any junkie. Is horrible. Called turkey. You know. But it's normal. Come to terms with who you are. Your grief. Your sadness. And move on to the next stage. Which is acceptance. And that's the final stage of grief. understanding that he's gone and the ability to discuss the relationship and the narcissist who used to be who you used to believe was your intimate partner so to discuss all this openly finally feeling that you're able to start to move on with your life maybe date again maybe regain trust in other people you start to accept the reality and you realize that you can't change whatever what has happened your magical thinking is disabled because throughout the previous stages of grief there's magical thinking I could have done it differently I can change the past I can affect the future I can make him come back to me this is magical thinking that's a child's defense against the world a world that is unforgiving unrelenting impartial and indifferent to you magical thinking is the illusion that just by thinking you can change external reality and that's the magical part but it's nonsense and the acceptance phase is giving up on the enchantment of the past on magical thinking you will still feel sad you will still miss the narcissist the good moments with the narcissist you will miss the shared fantasy itself it's very intense it's very colorful it's all consuming it's wonderful it's like being in a movie or an everlasting vacation you will miss the shared fantasy and you will miss yourself in the shared fantasy you're a dealized image the fact that you could relegate all decision-making responsibilities for someone else the fake feeling of stability and safety and inner harmony the loss of all these will never go away yes never go away but you can and should accept that this is the case show yourself self-compassion feel more courage be more courageous both for yourself and for other people find clarity about yourself who you are what do relationships mean for you how do you perceive other people what is your concept of intimacy what is partnerships in you partnership in your eyes what is your relationship not with others with yourself first and foremost do you love yourself it's a chance to recognize that you can if you wish repair yourself because yes you have been damaged and maybe even broken by the shared fantasy no matter how brief it has been and that hopefully transitions you to hope hope is when you start to see the future in a new light begin to plan for the future and think about ways to extricate yourself from the last vestiges of the shared memory you silence the introjects you silence the voice of the narcissist in your mind you pay attention to your authenticity and authentic voice life is worth living and there are things to look forward to you're not in denial you still said you still missing the still sense of loss but you are capable of happiness and pleasure finding pleasure again talk all the time talk about your grief and what has happened seek professional help if you need but ask for assistance even from strangers share share share accepting the demise of a shared fantasy is possibly the most difficult imaginable human experience I would rate it as the most traumatic experience ever yes more than divorce yes more than the death of a child yes more than the death of a loved one because the death of a shared fantasy is all three of these things it's the death of your loved child the death of a beloved child your narcissist the death of a lover or loved one your narcissist the death of the fantasy itself the death of the entire world the whole universe is vacated and abandoned and empty swirling around nothingness do not compare yourself with others and never be ashamed to talk to people your feelings are valid they're not wrong just because someone else handles loss and grief differently there are 8.2 billion people on the planet and 8 to point 2 billion ways of handling grief and mourning take in this case it's your way my way or the highway take your way accepting accepting the end the ending of a shared fantasy is challenging even for professionals you know it's super super difficult the grief gets worse because even even when the abuser is gone his voice is here is introject is tormenting you day and night and it's very convincing because it knows you like no one else it knows you intimately because it is you the narcissist introject had become you in the shared fantasy so it's you tormenting you and you know yourself so well you know which buttons to push and you never sees pushing them hope is never lost I'm a I'm a great opponent of hope I think hope is opium for the masses but in this case I advocated it's a diss it's self-deception it's a lie so what so what the shared fantasies align sometimes you need a lie to counter a lie to counter a greater lie sometimes you need a little evil to counter a greater evil so hope is not lost you will be happy again if you give yourself the chance if you love yourself sufficiently watch my video on the four pillars of self love there is life after death even the death of a shared fantasy and this life could be as rewarding and as beautiful as before or even more so because now you're wiser and older and more mature give yourself the time to heal you cannot bounce off grief overnight do not impute to yourself grandiosly the powers of a superhero no one is a superhero except me of course grieving takes time grieving takes patience grieving takes self-care grieving takes honesty grieving takes courage honesty with yourself no spin first and foremost no lies no deceptions courage truth demands courage feel your emotions allow yourself to experience them for as long as needed and as intensely as needed don't be afraid as long as you truly experience your emotions the risk of suicide is minimal it is when you repress and suppress and reframe and deny your emotions that suicide becomes a possibility healing is not a straight line it's a jagged line and the jagged line cuts into the flesh self-compassion time kindness patience self-affirmation if it works for you listen to uplifting music watch funny videos I don't know pamper yourself love yourself as a mother would mourn yourself as a mother would feelings are important they do matter first and foremost to you but share them with others connect you have a need for community it's part of who you are you we always need and gravitate towards other people we connect with other people misery loves company don't we say this funerals are mass events dozens of people if you're lucky attend your funeral the support systems we have should foster the sense of belonging and assure us that it's okay to need other people you need to nurture yourself nurture yourself process the grief affirm your experience believe in your own power empower yourself you're an agent believe in your agency you can ground yourself and you do not need to ground yourself in grief free territory you need to ground yourself in your grief you need to confront your grief head on eye to eye duel at noon okay corral you need to fight your grief as if it were a gunslinger so you need to ground yourself in your grief lighter candle go to nature read a book I don't know even in your grief even in your morning you need to exit it never develop a relationship with your grief and morning as many people do never affect them never emotionally invest in them never get committed to your grief and morning never promote it never render it the most important thing in your life the thing that organizes your existence and make sense of it never transform your grief and morning to an organizing principle or an explanatory one life is meaning outside your grief grief is about the loss of me the opposite of grief is excitement the opposite of grief is happiness the opposite of grief is contentment the opposite of grief is life these are grounds for a new beginning and so grieve your own way experience your own grief be your own friend become your own community self nurture strengthen your relationship with yourself find your self identity outside dish and fantasy but also do all these things with other people seek other people it's a very real process grief it's a real and valid and harsh and difficult and breaking process it's not an emotionally positive state it's a very negative state and you could easily become lost in these myriad internal processes it's intense it's overwhelming and but that's okay understand the stages of grief that are described and the uniqueness of the shared fantasy experience your body as well some people vouch for body therapies or mind body therapies try try it exercise I don't know try to see whether your body can help you could be a greatest ally in some cases take your time above all don't expect immediate gratification and results feel your emotions slowly as in a European movie validate each stage process everything again process the processing process the process processing do it over and over again regurgitate chew on the food this food this bitter food of grief and mourning there is no timeline for healing take as long as needed and be extra kind to yourself during this time and allow yourself to connect with friends and family seek support and do everything you can to attain wellness above all expel the narcissist voice from your head watch my videos on separation and individuation in the wake of narcissistic abuse and implement the steps there to the letter I wish you success


So the singer Ariana Grande just opened up about her PTSD by posting on social media brain scans that she actually had showing her PTSD to increase some awareness and the internet got a lot of things wrong and that's what we're going to talk about in this video. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel, what I like to do is pull different topics from pop culture to try to see what lessons that we can learn. So if you're into that kind of stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And by the way, I had a great day. Thanks for asking my beautiful girlfriend Tristan and I and my son as well. We went up to one of the amazingly beautiful hiking trails here in Las Vegas. Here's some pictures. So make sure you follow me on Instagram. I do cool fun stuff. You can get to know me. You can get to know me a little bit better. All right, but yeah, let's jump into this. Ariana Grande, she posted some pictures. She got some brain scans done. We're going to talk about that as well as mental health and brain scans and all that kind of stuff. First off, big fact disclaimer in case you don't know me. I am not a psychologist. I am not a neurologist. I am somebody who is just very passionate about mental health. So I do a lot of my own personal research, which I suggest everybody does because part of this video topic is a lot of people don't understand what they're looking at in these pictures and the conversation around mental health as well as PTSD as a whole. So yeah, for those of you who don't know about what happened to Ariana Grande, she was in Manchester doing a show. I believe it was in 2017 and it was the victim of a terrorist attack and I believe over 20 people were killed and 100 people were injured and it was just terrible, terrible, terrible event, right? And yeah, so anybody who goes through something like this is subject to PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, right? Typically when you think of PTSD, you think of war veterans. This can also be victims of assault or just like traumatic experiences like this. Like this is something that so, so, so many people go through. So Ariana Grande has struggled with PTSD since that event happened and like she is a super, super brave woman for what she's doing and I'll dive more into that in a second. But anyways, just the other day, I saw stuff blowing up on Twitter. I saw an article from Buzzfeed about this that she posted brain scans on social media showcasing her PTSD.  One of the issues is that a lot of insurances are not going to pay for you to get a brain scan to see exactly what's going on. That's why they have, you know, licensed therapists, licensed psychologists, doctors, things like that who work out of something called the Diagnostic Statistical Manual to diagnose different mental illnesses. But it would be amazing, like I'm a big neuroscience nerd. It'd be amazing if more people could get brain scans to see what's going on. So my guess would be that since Ariana Grande is very well off financially, she was able to pay for these brain scans.  That was in the past. Just just leave it in the past. Do that. Like what Ariana Grande is showing is the biological changes that happen to the brain after a traumatic experience. Like your brain literally changes. Like PTSD, what it does is you have a couple parts of your limbic system, which is the most powerful, primitive part of your brain, right? So you have the amygdala, which is responsible for fight, fight, or freeze. And you also have the hippocampus, which stores your memories. So when something traumatic happens, like what happened with Ariana Grande or the many other victims who were there at that Manchester concert, what happens is that event, the sights, the sounds, the smells, everything that happened logs into the hippocampus. So that's when you hear people talk about getting triggered. Because what it's doing is, is the brain is experiencing that again, and then saying like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you might have to fend for your life right now. Right. So there were quite a few tweets of people saying like, oh my God, and they're freaking out and worried about Ariana Grande and saying that she needs to take a break.  She needs to do this. Right. And here's the thing. First off, first off, me, you, not anybody like, except for like a licensed professional working with that person should really tell somebody what they should be doing. Everybody's different. Right. So if you're somebody struggling with trauma, like, you know, I empathize with you, if people are trying to tell you how to move through your trauma, if they're not a licensed professional, hell, like even if it's me, like I might give suggestions, but I always recommend you go see a licensed professional. Right. So a lot of people are saying, take a break, take this, that, that, that, right. But anyways, Ariana Grande, like I mentioned, is a very, very brave woman. So what Ariana Grande is doing is something that is called exposure therapy for herself, whether she's working with a therapist or a psychologist or not. I don't know, but exposure therapy is a specific type of therapy that exposes you to your trauma. Right. Usually it's in like incremental stages. Right. But what it's doing is it's trying to calm down that part of your brain that logged the trauma and it's basically rewiring your brain to say, yo, yo, yo, it's not that bad. You shouldn't be afraid of this. So by Ariana Grande continuing to work, continuing to do shows, continuing to do music, what it's doing is it's calming her brain down to say, listen, you don't have to live in fear. That's why it's so, so, so brave of her to keep moving forward and keep exposing herself to these things. Right. Because I would assume that everything inside of her is telling her, don't do that. Right. So when people are saying, take a break and this and this, right. So this may actually be part of her healing process. And I would ask some of you who have been through traumatic experiences or even if you struggle with some type of anxiety triggers, let me know down in the comments below. Like, for example, I used to have a gigantic fear of like public speaking and speaking in front of large audiences. And for those of you who don't know me, I was working in a drug and alcohol treatment center for a little over three years. And what helped me get over my fear of public speaking and all the anxiety that came with it was doing it over and over and over again. And the skills I developed there have helped me with my YouTube channel where I do more public speaking to all of you beautiful people online. So that is one of the ways that like a form of exposure therapy could help. Now, the other thing that I want to talk about, which is such a huge issue when it comes to the mental health conversation is when people are worried or concerned about a celebrity and then jackholes on Twitter are saying stuff like this. They're saying stuff like this, like, oh, y'all worried about a celebrity, but you're not worried about the people right next to you.  Why aren't you helping out doing this? Like, to me, this is just such a massive, massive virtue signal. Okay. Those of you who don't know what virtue signaling it is, it's, it's saying, Hey, hey, look, I'm a good person. You should do this. And some might argue that the other thing being concerned about a celebrity, they don't know as virtue signaling. But anyways, one of the issues that I just have with the internet and social media as a whole is the anonymity and everybody can act like they are just such a perfect person. Right. So when I see stuff like that, when I see people tweeting out, like, Oh, oh, you don't care about the people in your life. You don't care about this, right? Like they're taking this moral high ground of saying like, Oh, oh, look at me. I help the people in my life. And like chances are those people aren't doing jack squat. They just like stirring the pot on social media. Like I'll keep going back to the video I did about Kevin Hart the other day, where like being negative is cool, right? Being negative is cool.  Like if you monitor certain people online, or even if you go through their history of tweets, everything they say is negative.  Right. Like, like just stop, just stop. Like what is that adding to the conversation? Like, trust me, I get it. I get it. And I advocate for everybody to get involved in their own communities or even just start off with your close friends, close family members. But the thing is the thing about this is the reason why I made this video is it is amazing. It is amazing for somebody like Ariana Grande with millions and millions of followers and fans all over the world. It is amazing for her to post on social media and open up about her PTSD to get the conversation going. Like, think about it this way. How many people do you think saw those pictures that Ariana Grande posted and people were like, Oh my God, PTSD actually changes your brain and think about how that develops empathy for for the people that they know in their lives.  So like I am like I mentioned, I am very passionate about mental health. So anybody who is out there trying to further the conversation and increase awareness kudos to you.  All right. And all the other haters out there thank you next. I couldn't help myself. All right. But anyways, anyways, let me know your thoughts on this subject down below. And if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You're all amazing. And if you'd like to become a Patreon, get access to our monthly Q&A and some other perks and benefits. Click the top right there. All right. Thank you so, so much for watching. I'll see you next time.


Welcome to Pony Factory. This is a game made by David Samansky. The same dev that brought you iron Lung. This just came out today. I'm going away for a few days, so I was looking for stuff to record. Before we dive in though Apparently this game is monochromatic. So Justin, please without further ado fade the color from my camera. Cool contrasty black and white filter Let's begin. Winston arrived at a solution to the moral decay of his town Winston arrived.  The human body could hell promised He twisted, stretched, and broken into a kinder more equine shape. The human heart molded into something less human. Winston's town now filled with the cruel and the ignorant could instead be filled with magic ponies If he could provide a factory in which to make them Winston thought they could be beautiful, gentle, and good Hell had other plans. Oh Baby here we are in the ponies Factory What is this? Is there anything in here for me? Okay All right Winston, wait am I? I'm assuming I'm Winston. Okay, nothing in here for me Doesn't seem like I can crouch or Sprint Shift makes it so you're actually slower Interesting Maybe we'll have to sneak by some ponies.  The maximalist v4 automatic bolt gun Traditionally livestock is dispatched one at a time at close range But our studies have found that this method is inefficient for the rapid harvesting of horse parts necessary for the mass production of magical ponies A faster more reliable method is needed to this end We have developed the maximalist v4 automatic bolt gun or ABG v4 Boasting the accuracy and fire rate of a military assault rifle a 40 round capacity an ergonomic magazine designed for quick reloading This tool makes it easy to kill or incapacitate multiple animals in rapid succession from any range Fascinating Absolutely Here comes the first pony. I I surmise pony Pony boy What are you? Where are you my equine friend look for the unlocked door complete each area bonus Hold left mouse to fire the bolt gun artery load Keep a lookout for ammo pickups.  How many bullets can you take? Jesus Christ that pony was nutty, dude. How do I do I need to collect the pony parts? What the fuck oh We have identified a number of minor leaks in the liquid lightning holding tanks liquid lightning is the main catalyst in the process of Whimsical flaying while management ensures us that the lightning cannot travel through the air physical contact with any visible pools of Lightning on the ground could expose you to dangerous levels of electric of electrical skin peeling whimsy Please use the utmost care when moving through the affected areas until the maintenance staff are able to fashion a mop capable of absorbing electricity Wait, what am I supposed to do? Okay? I just have to use utmost care Okay, so going around the edges is fine If there's a pony coming through Don't step in the pools of Shit dude horrifying horrifying pick up med kids to regain lost health Where oh die die beast Jesus Christ Please use caution and respect when circumnavigating the the precarious death pit And remember that it is here for your safety if the sins outside Become so great and so numerous as to evoke the wrath of God The precarious death pit can be jumped into to ensure a quick and fatal escape from divine retribution Isn't that nice? Is this a death pit looks like it does indeed?  Thank you Reload that SOB Dude, I need a med kit. I Need more medication. I Don't have any I Do have ammo. That's nice Full ammo. That's good.  Okay.   Oh Is this a paintbrush or a key? Okay, just want to make sure Important oh Baby, you do not stand a single chance with me in the room. No, you do not can I pick up anything else? Is 60 max health? I don't know We'll go back here real quick and And pick up that health just in case 85 Maybe is my son. I don't know if you're running low you can backtrack to search for hidden health and ammo Anything helpful over here?  Oh These ponies They simply don't stand a chance with me. Thank you. I appreciate your sacrifice I appreciate your sacrifice Reload. Thank you real quick Good. Is there anything else I can pick up? No, I don't think so. You know these ponies in this Dude, he was standing up on his legs. Ponies aren't supposed to do that They're trying to do something here. They're trying to do something ponies I won't let you stand not on your hind legs No, that's for humans That's for humans to do and humans alone I'm trying to see To it once is much too many. I fear That I will be surrounded by many more a pony Very soon I know that much like that. No, I don't I don't much like that Uh Oh, thank you. Thank god Oh My fellow creators I will try to answer the many questions I've received as quickly and as thoroughly as possible But I'm sure you will understand that I am merely human and addressing all your concerns will take time That said regarding dress codes employees are reminded that no religious iconography of any kind Maybe worn in the workplace as management is hell itself such displays go against our fundamental company values Winston CEO I get that Winston I get that Winston and I I respect it I will not be wearing any religious iconography in the workplace Am I full Am I okay I'm all reloaded Just like the matrix Creepy things happen in no way. I like the music Listen, I don't care how you do it shoot them stomp on them hit them with a big stick.  Hey, are you on your two feet? Why are you on your two feet? Are you a squirrel? No, this must be a pony It must be Dude, I've I'm low on health right now I am low on health I'm not feeling good about it health good Still rather low though There wasn't anything back here right now. Was that supposed to be a squirrel? I know this job can get repetitive and when you get bored you make mistakes So remember the four plus one Four plus one four zero trick four hooves in one skull go to the pony maker That's where they will be grafted in the fully prepped sinner by the way of hell's Pony magic then four hooves Go to the glue maker where they will be processed into pungent glue The fumes of which are pumped throughout the facility to encourage everyone to remain in proper headspace And remaining skull gets thrown in the incinerator get all that Four hooves in a skull to the pony maker four more hooves to the glue maker one skull to the incinerator It's easy as it's as easy as drinking to forget from rick four four four Plore plus One four hooves four hooves in a skull four hooves one skull four hooves and a skull four hooves one skull Use cover to avoid projectile damage Shit my guy is that the last one no no no there's there's three right? Yeah Got him In just one month the pony maker will be finished and we will be activating the current stock and swinging into full production This will naturally require us to increase the rate and reliability of our sinner acquisition Since the townsfolk are proving Significantly harder to acquire now that our activities are widely known several assembly lines will be immediately transitioned over to the building of pony tank This ingenious hoof powered weapon of war adapted from sketches By the great inventor frederick flint stone Will allow multiple ponies to chase down wayward sinners from within The protection of a great pony head And to hurl magic projectiles of the situation should call for it. It will be great Please refer to the new posted schedules for shifted assignments Damn Damn son, where'd you find this? Is he still around here? No, I don't see him I don't be seeing him. I would like some health Just a smidgen of health Good excellent Excellent great great excellent nice good Good Excellent How many more pony boys? Do we have down here?  I need health or I will die In the simplest of ways I accidentally like flicked Nice nicely done nicely done I see it's it's hard It's hard to know what the actual range of Of this weapon is Is it longer distance? I'm unsure Pony boy Curtis pony boy I had phlegma Get absolutely clobbered Okay Listen, I know the probability is low Of these doors being open, but Doesn't mean I don't like to check Don't mean I don't like to check And don't mean it's not good to check either It is Mighty good I don't I don't like the insignia upon the wall And I don't like the slight hum that I'm hearing God They could be anywhere I've received your concerns as you know There's an immense amount of xsc and extracted during our processing And that all that sin needs to go somewhere that and a specialized pipeline carries the sin from this facility out into the forest where it harmlessly Uh Perlocates into the groundwater supply I understand from your report the sin levels in this same forest recently spiked for no discernible reason But management assures me that this spike is all is most likely to a natural phenomenon It is certainly unrelated to our waste sin pipeline I agree with this and we'll further add that my estranged son's company is currently performing an extended observation spiritual analysis Of an extended observation spiritual analysis of the force Which could certainly be causing untold sorts of depraved abnormalities I'm confident in our mission and leadership and don't believe this event Is any cause for alarm. Thank you for remaining diligent in your work You're welcome winston You're very welcome budget Fucking a man I did I Don't come to fire faster and longer the maximalist enhanced fire rate module Attaching an additional weapons system opens up bolt gun operations to the world of special operations Only possible now with the maximalist enhanced fire rate module or efr Whether you're facing down a deadly stampede of bloodthirsty arabivores Or you have a single piece of livestock that requires the most definitive possible treatment This versatile modification will unlock the full potential of your abgv4 as the ultimate in tactical long-range animal husbandry This is fantastic news Absolutely fantastic news Thank you game. I appreciate Well before we go through that door. I am White low on ammo 12 immunitions Is Not great for me Oh good Oh good No, not not good actually Not actually good at all. There's no ammo in here. Is there ammo in here? One thing of ammo I'd Get out of here. Fucker I'd love More Please oh, sorry game. I said I'd I'd love more ammo All locked Over the coming week We will be installing the magic friendship energy from hell inside the pony maker This marks the final step in pre-production after which we'll use the pony maker to activate all prepared magic ponies And swing into full production as this energy emanates from the depths of hell itself It casts shades of light never seen before in this dimension You see hues and luminosity and luminosity hitherto Unglimpsed by the sight of mortal man This could signal a critical leak and should be immediately reported to your supervisor Don't love That the thing you seek lies at the heart of the pony maker. What have I done? The pony's safe Well gone mad. This is not magical friendship energy from the depths the depths of hell itself at all It is pure sin from the depths of hell itself twisted to resemble wonder and whimsy I could help betray us like this. Oh, no. They're coming. No What you've been searching searching for take it You have what you came for now escape I do What did I What did I come here for? I don't really If I'm honest I don't really remember what I came here for what did I come here for I came here for something I don't remember What I was coming here for At all in any way Also, I'd like more ammo, please Thank you. Let's do a reload before we go into the deep Good a bit of a reload there Wonderful Now there's lights on I like the lights Hey, bonny Hey bonny man Oh, I have Very little health. Is there no health over here? Of course not Why why would there be why would they be? I would be Duped Yeah, I would be dumb. It'll be dumb to have health around here.  No one wants health never Never in a million years to people want health Okay, that was actually way too close. I actually really need health now Like really bad game And also ammo too, please If if I could have uh, okay Well, I really do need health though. I don't know if I can make it out of here on on what I currently have Thank you. Oh, thank you.  Lock my fire.  That's so awesome That's so awesome. Thank you Thank you Okay, okay Okay, okay grab this full ammo. We love to see it Let's just top up on our little health. Shall we? Topped up on ammo. Topped up on health Topped up on vibes.  I think there's more ammo over here We will get that real quick. Good And more over here. This is good for me. It's a classic. Let's play more. You got that Next door. Look how far along this is Nice Goat and Goat and Who wants more? Who wants a little bit of pony? Oh, yeah, this is this is where the first standing pony was I remember I remember not fondly, but I remember We're getting down to I think some of our our final places I fear What may come next? For I fear the unknown Just like any man. I never went down that way And I fear to do so now. Oh, it's just a door.  That could have been very bad Very bad indeed Come in come on doggy. I saw you Don't think I didn't notice you. Thank you for the ammo right there.  Thank you. Yummy. Thank you Guys, I think that this Might have been one of the first parts Good Good Don't perish yet, Ethan Not here You're close I don't know if I ever went back here. Where did I come from? ominous ominous good Kind of horse huge huge horse now. We know that before we go over Before we go over there We should one Make sure we're fully loaded We're at 75.  Where is he?   Okay, hold on. I just want to see if there's any I don't think there's any more health, but I just wanted to make sure okay horse head man The outside world This is the ponies factory the man smiled as he walked through the abandoned parking lot away from the pony factory He'd found and stolen the source of the pony magic and escaped with his life. He'd done what others thought impossible And now he would succeed where his father failed and the power of hell at his fingertips He would create his own pony army for larger far larger and greater All he needed were victims to transform And a factory in which to do it Hell had planned all this And it smiled too In anticipation of what has to come You can bring back the color Justin Up the saturation guys that was the pony factory.   I like that very very silly and weird I like the thought of the pony factory again This was a game created by uh the creator of iron lung Which I will play at some point people have asked me if I if I was gonna play it But I think I'll probably play it closer to when Mark's movie is coming out to promote the movie. So anyway, that was the pony factory. Let me know what you think Um, I'm gonna end this one here. I'll see you guys later. Bye