This is our seventh screencast of the Chemical Kinetic Series. Maybe I should get some intro music for this. We've moved on to a new topic now, so previously we discussed reaction rates, so now we're going to do the Kinetic Series of Gases. So make sure you do familiarise yourself with the aims and objectives for this section. There is an intro video covering where we're going to go and what we're covering in this section. So do familiarise yourself with that before moving on. Because this is going to be a little bit of a departure from just measuring rates. What we're going to do is cover kind of a little bit of a foundation before we move on to the Kinetic Theory of Gases by looking at something called the Arrhenius equation. So this is something that relates the rate constant K to temperature. So previously I said the rate constant is constant. Now we're going to say that the rate constant varies with temperature. So what is constant between all the directions of the rate constant? It's in fact something called activation energy. It is the barrier that a molecule must hop in order to proceed and react. So that will be a little bit of revision for you. I'm going to give a very quick set of examples and ranges of activation energies as well, just as a check, just so you can recognise them. And then we're going to be able to calculate them graphically. So straightforward. If you can manage those kinetic equations and graphs, you can definitely manage that bit. So let's move on. St. Arrhenius, a real big hitter as far as chemistry is concerned from the late 19th century and early 21st century. You can actually see him appear in the 1922 Solvay conference picture. That famous one with all the key scientists from the day out there. And so he's got quite a track record of doing some really important stuff. He's founded quite a little bit of acid base theory. So a lot of we know about acids come from this. And then ionic dissociation. He kind of proposed that salts will break up into ions, sodium chloride going to things like sodium plus and Cl minus. That's him. And then the greenhouse effects. So he did some of the first measurements that demonstrated the heat capacity and the ability to warm the atmosphere of things like CO2 and water vapor. So you can thank him for a few things, but mostly we're interested in the equation that bears his name, this one. Not so much go too much into the theoretical justification for why this works. That's kind of the subject of this entire section. But we'll go through all the labels in here. So here is obviously in this case the rate constant. We've done rate constants to death in the last set of lectures. Now we're going to apply it in a new way. And then there's the pre-exminational factor, this capsule here that we stick here. This at the moment, as far as you're concerned, is just a factor that converts this neat little bit of theory here to the rate constant. It's just kind of a fudge factor, which is what I say in physical chemistry a lot. I would say that we're relating two values and then we just multiply one value by something to get it right. It does have physical significance, but its physical significance is really the subject of this section of the course. So we will fill that in as we go. Then there's the activation energy. So the activation energy will be a little bit of a revision for you, but we will cover it shortly. It is an energy barrier that molecules have to hop over. Then there is the gas constant. We're kind of familiar with what that is. It pops up in thermodynamics a lot. It certainly pops up in kinetics a lot, and then temperature. So what we're looking at here is a relationship between the rate constant and temperature, and it very specifically follows this equation. Now that equation looks a little bit complicated for you. I think it's worth figuring out how to simplify things. So equations in physical chemistry and physics in particular really do get quite convoluted and really long. So you need to be able to simplify these down. So, for instance, you'll probably be interested in y equals function of x graphs. You probably can do that no problem. You can certainly do y equals 2x plus 3 and so on. This is just saying that there is another function of x here. All I've done is I've replaced temperature with x. I've replaced k with y. So we've got a graph here. And how do we deal with this? How do we convert it to the general shape of the graph? We have to go through the equation and just kind of eliminate what's constant. What isn't a variable? So a here, that's the pre-exponential factor. That's kind of a constant. It's not going to change. The activation energy, again, characteristic of an individual reaction is not going to change. And the gas constant, as the name suggests, is constant. So we can actually ignore the interesting parts of the fact that temperature is, in fact, 1 over. There's a minus here. And it's an exponential function. So all those three things can be brought down and we can plot this. If you have a graphical calculator, you don't want to be plotting that.  You just want to plot this. So if you run to, say, a graphical calculator or to more formalpha, that's a really good site for plotting graphs, you will get a graph that looks a bit like this. It's a fairly straightforward kind of exponential curve. But the important thing is to note that it doesn't just run away with itself up to infinity. So let's substitute that x and y for the real things again. This tells you that the rate constant goes up as temperature increases, but not forever. There is something of a limiting factor and you get less returns for your temperature increases as it goes on. So that is, if you're all right with reading big, long equations like this, this is going to seem really stupid, but I know a lot of people do look at maths notation and really struggle. The trick is just to look at it and try to break it down to its component parts just like this. Cut out the stuff that's constant and just convert it to something that looks a bit friendlier for you. So let's recap the Uranius equation. What does it do? It relates the rate constant k as a function of temperature. It's very straightforward and it includes the gas constant as a constant for physics and physical chemistry. It includes the activation energy, which we're going to cover soon. And it has a pre-expansion factor, which is effectively the subject of this entire section of the lecture course. So let's move on to activation energy. You should be used to seeing diagrams like this. You start with a reactant on one side and you move to the products. And up on the y-axis you have energy. So increasing energy goes up. So to react from iodine and hydrogen to form hydrogen iodide, it has to go up over this hill here. This is kind of an energy diagram and it has to get up that high in energy. Now things like the reaction coordinate, you might be used to as being said to be kind of abstract, but you can think of them as having real properties of that reaction coordinate, that axis. For instance, imagine two atoms are stuck together and they start to stretch apart. That distance is the x-axis. So you can imagine the energy increases, increases, increases, and then they've broken when the energy decreases again. So as you plot the energy along the bond length, you see an activation energy appear. So these activation energies are measured relative to kind of their starting materials. So they can work in two different directions. This delta e here or ea here, ea refer to two different directions. So this is if we are going backwards in the reaction and this is if we're going forwards in the reaction. Now, this says that our rate constants are going to be different in each case. So the Arrhenius equation relates the rate constant based on the activation energy. So for a set temperature, we know this forward reaction is going to go faster than this backwards reaction. But of course, the actual rate is proportional to concentration, remember. So as the reaction proceeds forward, we reduce the concentration of reactants, so the rate slows down, but we increase the proportion of products. So the backwards reaction increases and eventually they meet each other and hence why we have equilibria. So this will discuss a little bit more when we do the relationship to thermodynamics. But for now you can kind of tell that because the activation energy areas are different in each direction, we get different kind of rate constants in each direction. But because of their proportion, the rates proportionality to concentration, they will eventually kind of meet up and equilibrate. Now, activation energy, we can have a look at it in another way about how do molecules cross it. So this is sort of something of a distribution function. If we have a number of molecules in this energy and a number of molecules with that energy, their relationship is here. This is not quite the same as what we can think of it as the same as quantization of energy from quantum mechanics, or we can just treat it as just an arbitrary set of energies. Imagine that's molecules that are moving at 200 meters per second, these are molecules that are running at 400 meters per second, all that kind of speed. What's the energy difference between those two molecules doing that? What's their difference? And then we've put it into this distribution and we can find that out. So if we do a little bit with that equation and give it more of a kind of a plot as a distribution function instead, and we'll get onto this later, we can get different values or different plots, depending on different values of temperature. So here at low T, you can see there's a lot more molecules that kind of low energy, because energy is on the x-axis here. Higher temperature, it starts to move along. Higher temperature again will probably get something like this. So what you can see is that there are more molecules above this activation energy. So this is just marking the value. It's got no real bearing on the equation at all. This is just marking the value where the activation energy should lie. So anything to the right of that line will react. Anything to the left of that line doesn't have the energy to, so it can't react. So you don't necessarily need to memorise this kind of distribution equation. It is useful to be familiar with it and understand where it comes from and what it's doing. So it's just some examples of activation energy. So if I tell you to calculate an activation energy barrier and you come up with half a million kilojoules per mole, you should be aware that that's wrong, that's way too high. The typical value is between 10 and about a couple of hundred kilojoules per mole. This is the chemical range we are dealing with. Anything higher than that and you're talking things like nuclear chemistry. So it's clearly not. And if you've got huge and negative numbers like minus 10,000, clearly something's wrong. So this sort of number range is what we're after. So these are examples of activation energy. So obviously these are some of them are higher than others. So they're going to go slower than the ones with lower activation energies. And there are some kind of weird effects involved. So this is not a typo that is actual negative activation energy. And I just bring this up because it's evidence of a more complicated reaction scheme going on. And we will cover that towards the end of the lecture course. All you need to know from now is if you do see an activation energy with a negative value, it just means something more complicated is going on. It doesn't mean that that activation energy graph has reversed and that we're doing this. With that is now the activation energy barrier and that's the reaction coordinate. It doesn't mean that otherwise if they would just go down to the lowest energy and be sinking to a transition state, that makes no sense. It's just evidence that something more complicated involving the forwards and backwards reactions and this equilibria are going on. And it's kind of an edge case where I'm kind of intuitive understanding what's going on kind of falls down a little bit. So let's just recap activation energy. It is the energy required for a reaction to progress. And it is defined as the energy difference between the reactions and its transition states. So it is that energy there or because it can go in both directions forward and backwards, it's that energy. So we can have two different values and they contribute to where an equilibrium would lie. Now, how do we determine it? I want in social intelligence by doing this too slowly. If you were comfortable determining the rates graphically from the previous section, you should be more than capable of doing this. So the Arrhenius equation is an exponential form. Physical chemists don't like that. We hate things that are experiments. I'm not sure you can do the least squares regression thing with an exponential decay factor and solve it using solver, but let's do it the simpler way and we'll just linearize it. So you take a logarithm of both sides of that and you get this equation on the right. Now, I have mashed that up a little bit. That's not usually how you would see it written down in a textbook. The reason I've rearranged it a bit like this is to emphasize the following. That is y equals mx plus c. It is a straight line. In fact, there's a straight line, but it does shot ahead a bit too quickly. So what we're interested in is we have different temperatures that we've recorded a reaction at. We have a rate constant that has been determined at each of those temperatures. I think when I'm scribbling left and right, its power point is taking that as me wanting to move or something, which is a bit weird. But we can't plot, anyway, we can't plot temperature versus just rate constant here. It doesn't give us anything useful, but we can get one over temperature, temperature to the minus one, and we can get log k. So if we plot those, it really is jumping today, isn't it? If we plot those, we get our different values out that we can then actually go ahead and plot on a straight line. So this is our straight line graph. As you can see, we've plotted that y equals mx plus c version was reiterated here. Always useful to write this kind of thing down so you can see it. And here we also have that y equals mx plus c. So we can figure out the value of m, the gradient. So that m is equal to minus activation energy via r. Then to get the activation energy out, we just simply take r to the other side, take the minus to the other side, and we get that is equal to minus the gradient times r, which we can calculate here. We take that gradient multiplied by the gas constant and work it out into kilojoules per mole, really straightforward. We can also, if we get rid of the log and do it, eat the power of something, we get the pre-exponential factor out as well. So the reasonable range for pre-exponential factors is quite literally in the millions. Reasonable ranges for activation energies are in a couple of kilojoules per mole to a couple of hundred, depending on what the reaction is. And as you progress as a chemist, you probably get an instinct to understand what things should have a high activation energy and what shouldn't. Really simple reactions. We'll have a little activation energy that will go ahead quite easily. So let's just review this entire section now. I've spent quite a bit of time on it compared to what I was planning. We did the Arrhenius equation, so that is relating k, the rate constant, to a pre-exponential factor times a to the power of minus activation energy over RT. So it is a function of temperature to get your rate constant. The activation energy, EA, that is the energy required for molecular rearrangement. And that goes in both directions. So a reactant can form a product, and the product can actually come back to a reactant. Remember, the universe doesn't care that we call them reactants and products. They are just two chemical entities, and they will jump back and forth between each other. Kind of it will, but at least obeying these equations. And only a certain proportion of molecules will have the energy to hop over that barrier. So determining the activation energy, well, we linearise the Arrhenius equation. We take logs of both sides of it. Then we find that our variables become log k and 1 over t. And if we plot them together, we get a straight line. So if we've taken four or five experiments, we can plot them, do a best fit line, and get the gradient of it, and that gets us our activation energy. So that kind of covers the basics of what we want to do. Later on in the lecture, we'll probably be solving these as problems and going into a little bit more detail about maybe some errors, maybe. But until then, hope this was useful. Hope it wasn't too much revision. I do try and remember all the equations as well, especially the Arrhenius equation. You don't want to forget that at any point or think that it's the wrong thing. So see you soon at the lecture.


Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. This is Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, say exactly this when he pulls away and please, please, please don't pull back. Please don't ever pull back. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell to be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button. Also, this is your explicit language warning. I occasionally use expletives to enhance a sentence and if that's not your cup of tea, I highly recommend logging off now. All right, let's jump into the things you don't wanna say or the things you wanna say to a guy when he pulls away. Now, this is a very common occurrence.  In other words, he oftentimes comes on strong in the relationship and then you start to see a pullback. And there's a variety of explanations of why this happens. And I've shared with you on multiple videos the common reasons why a man pulls away. Most likely, now nine out of, not nine out of 10 times, but most of the time there's some chaos going on in his life. He might be going through a nasty divorce. He might be having issues at work. He might have some health issues. He might have some family issues going on. Most likely the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid to build a relationship. Now you might be wondering why would a guy be dating and be seeking a relationship when the ground underneath them isn't solid? Well, here's the challenge with that. The reality is is most guys don't understand how a relationship works and doesn't understand that this ground underneath them needs to be solid to build a relationship. And yet most human beings are desperately seeking connection and they're desperately seeking physical connection along with companionship connection. Okay, let me repeat that. They're seeking connection and sex, okay? So when a man comes on strong, it's often driven by that biological drive to connect with another human being. Now that doesn't mean that they're capable of being in relationships. So I think it's really important to understand this. This is why in my private coaching practice, I teach women how to vet for emotional maturity within a man, to vet to see if he's actually has the ground underneath him solid. So if you want some support with that and you hear a single woman looking for love, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. All right, so now there are some other reasons why men pull away and what was interesting in the live chat before it got started, one of the women wrote something that I wanted to share with you because I thought this is valid as well. And what she wrote was why men pull away and she says, surely men pull away because women are overbearing, suffocating, needy. That's why I pull away.  I loved what she wrote because there is as much truth to that as well as the ground underneath him is solid. So what oftentimes some women get very attached to a man early on and start putting demands and expectations on him when he's not capable to meet that from an emotional level. Let me repeat that, there are some women that put demands and expectations on a man and they're not capable of meeting them at that emotional level. So that's certainly one of the things. What we're gonna work on today is what you actually say to a guy when he pulls away, what would be a good thing to initiate to get some sort of dialogue, to get some sort of. Now, some of you instinctively know when you can feel a guy kind of pulling back emotionally. And this oftentimes happens at roughly about the six week mark in the dating process. Now, when I say the six week mark, I'm talking about people that are seeing each other on a regular basis, they're spending time on a regular basis at least two times a week, give or take maybe three, up to three times a week, but at least two times a week. And by about the six week to 12 week mark, what happens with a lot of men that they start to pull away naturally, okay? Because what happens is think about this, when you're putting energy towards something, towards something, towards something, takes a lot of effort to put that energy and you have to come back to your own equilibrium. So that's a very common thing where a might put, man put a lot of effort in the beginning and just pull back a little bit. I'm not talking about that natural pulling back of a little bit because I want to differentiate. That guy that does that, he just might energetically put back but he's still seeing you twice a week. Your schedule is pretty solid. I'm not talking about those men. What I'm talking about those guys that you've been in relationship with, you've invested time, you've been physically intimate with one another and now he's not calling back, okay? He's not reaching out. You're not getting a text from him. You're not getting a telephone call from him and he hasn't planned another date or not that he hasn't planned another date but he hasn't suggested when you two should see each other. So I've written a little script for you all to help you with this. Now I'll be candid with you. I'm not posting this anywhere. So you better pay attention and you may want to go back and listen to the replay and rewind this to get this because this content is specific to this video right now and I'm not sharing it unless someone wants to describe and put it in the comments section or in the chat section. So I'm gonna read this to you and why this might help you in the future when a guy is pulling away, okay? Or has pulled away. So the script goes like this. Now, let me just say this. You may wanna send this via text message. That's one possibility. Most likely that's what you would probably do because most people these days are interacting with text messaging anyway. So the script goes like this. And I'm gonna read it right here, the script. Oh, we'll put it right there so you can read it. The script says, and it goes like this and you don't have to do it exactly like this but this would give you a general sense of what you may wanna say. You might wanna say, for example, let's call him Jonathan. Your guy is Jonathan. You might say, hey, Jonathan, I wanted to say I've noticed it looks like you're pulling away emotionally from our relationship and I suspect something is coming up for you. And whether you want to stay in this relationship or not, I'm someone you can talk to and it's okay if you're making a choice to move away from the relationship. From my perspective, it's okay and actually natural if you're having doubts or second thoughts about the relationship and I understand. I'm okay with that and I'm okay with me. Let me repeat that, I'm okay with me. I'm strong and of myself. In other words, I'm strong within myself.  And I'm here if you want to talk. Now I'm gonna read that one more time for everyone just out of courtesy. I'll do it quickly though. I just wanted to say I've noticed it looks like you're pulling away emotionally from our relationship and I suspect something is coming up for you. And whether you wanna stay in this relationship or not, I'm someone you can talk to and it's okay if you're making a choice to move away from the relationship. From my perspective, it's okay and natural if you're having doubts or second thoughts about the relationship and I understand. And I just want you to know I'm okay with that and I'm okay with me. I'm strong within myself.  And I'm here if you want to talk. Okay, why I love this is because it's a very empowering move because I know you're listening to a lot of rhetoric that says, well, feminine energy means that when a guy is pulling away, you must lean back to create space so he can come to you. I'm gonna repeat that.  But here's the thing. He's not at the 50 yard line to come to you. How do you get him to the 50 yard line? That's the narrative that the feminine energy coaches aren't talking to you about. And that's what I want you to lean into your sovereignty, lean into your empowerment and actually initiate a conversation. Let me repeat that. I want you to lean into your empowerment, lean into your sovereignty and actually initiate a conversation with him. And that's what this does. It basically, I want you to think about this because what the basic premise is saying, hey, I recognize you're pulling away and I understand, in fact, it's very natural to have doubts about a relationship. I understand that. And I want you to know that if you're having doubts, that's okay with me, okay? And if you choose to end the relationship, I'm okay. I'm going to be okay because here's the thing, ladies. Most men pull away because they don't feel safe in communicating their doubts about a relationship. Let me repeat that. Most men pull away because they don't feel safe enough to express their doubts in the relationship. And so by initiating a conversation, and let me just say this. If this guy, Jonathan, doesn't create a dialogue, then chances are the relationship is over and let's face it. You should have doubts about this guy for his actions as well. But you might be saying, but Jonathan, I love him so much and I just want him back because I love him so much. Folks, if you're feeling that need to want to be with someone who's pulled away, I can tell you you're experiencing one of two things. Either you're experiencing co-dependent tendencies or you're experiencing love attachment style. So I want to recommend two books to you. And by the way, all the books I recommend are in the link below and Jonathan recommends. I want to recommend Codependent No More by Melody Beatty and I want to recommend Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Why I'm recommending these books, ladies, is because what you're experiencing when you go, God, Jonathan, but I love him so much. Listen, how can it be real love if he's pulling away? What you're actually experiencing is attachment style, love attachment style. And I highly recommend you read up on love attachment style so you can understand why you're feeling this way. Now you might also be experiencing what's known as the Amago, the Amago. And I highly recommend you read Getting the Love You Want by Har Bell Hendricks and Helen Hunt. Why you want to understand the Amago is we oftentimes choose people that are very similar to one or both of our parents and we're trying to get the love of this person that represents one or both of our parents. We're trying to get their love. Now why this is so important is it allows you to pull back, allows you to pull back from the attachment you have to another person. I'm all in favor of pulling back from the attachment from the other person. I'm just not in favor of pulling back as a way to bring a guy back.  Now let's say you're both at the 50 yard line and pulling away, chances are he'll come and get you but he has to get to the 50 yard line. And if he's pulled away, he hasn't. Now this is why you really only have one choice by sending out this message, you get to see how he responds. I'm gonna repeat that, you get to see how he responds. Now here's the thing, there's one final message you might send out that sounds like this afterwards. Silence is usually a sign of fear, fear of hurting another, me. And if that's why you haven't responded, please know I'm okay and I'll be fine. Plus I only wish you the best, I'm gonna repeat that. Silence is usually a sign of fear, fear of hurting another, me. And if that's why you haven't responded, please know I'm okay and I'll be fine. Plus I only wish the best for you. This is the most empowering way to approach when a guy pulls away, or at least this is my invitation for you. For those who've worked with me, you've read my book, what the heck is self love anyway?  And why I recommend this book, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, so you don't get attached to someone who's not a good partner for you, because ladies, 92% of relationships and because most people weren't a good fit for one another to begin with.  And so you've got together because of the chemistry, but what was missing, the most important piece in a relationship are the compatibility factors, okay? By the way, the other 8% of relationships end because they had weak chemistry to begin with. I think it's time to have a drink from my Moscow Mule. He's so neat a cocktail. Okay, so just to reiterate, you do not want to lean back when a man pulls away. What you want to do is initiate a conversation to just get a conversation going. And by doing it this way, he actually feels like, you know what? I can be truthful to you because if I know you're going to be okay, no matter what I say, I am more likely to communicate to you. But if my greatest fear is you're gonna turn into a psycho bitch, then it's easier for me to just pull away and become silent. And I say me in the collective sense of men, okay? I'm not talking about Jonathan. I'm saying collectively as men. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? If this content right now resonated with you and you liked what I just shared, especially the sentence I just shared with you, please hit that like button right now. Please share an amen in the comments section on the live chat, I would be truly grateful. All right, now we're gonna switch to our Q and A section. But before we do, I have some personal things to share with you. I'll be candid with you. I'm actually not feeling well right now. I came down with a slight virus, a virus that actually just, I'm okay, I'm taking medication for it, but it's incredibly painful what I'm experiencing, right? I don't want to share what it is. I feel like it was triggered on by taking the vaccine, which we don't want to go down that road. But I'm in actual significant pain and agony right now. I'll be candid with you. I'm significant pain and agony right now. I'm literally, it's like needles being poked in my chest and in my back on the left side. I think that might give you a hint of what's going on. And here's the thing, I jumped on today because I love sharing this content with you. This brings me joy. So this in a way is my reward to myself right now to connect with you all. So I just wanted to share that with you. I also have a share with you that's gonna be in the form of a question. So let me post this right here in the group. And it's gonna be our first question of the day, okay? And I'm gonna post that and here's the question. It says, all right, here's the question.   Okay, so I wanna share something with you all. I got a message the other day on one of my comments and I wanna read it to you all because I briefly posted it and then I took it down. But I wanna share a comment because it really relates to the conversation about men and basically what I'm saying is, is a man narcissist, arrogant or something else going on. And I thought this would be a great demonstration to bring up something that happened to me personally. So I wanna read this to you. It was a comment that came on my YouTube channel and I wanna read it to you. And it's not a favorable comment.    How's that for your supply? Ugg, angry face, angry face. There's the post, okay? Now why I'm sharing this with you for two reasons, folks and I'm gonna share why this relates to men in general, okay? I'm sharing this because I'll be candid with you. When I first read it, it affected me, especially because of my son. And as I reflected upon it, and I did post this publicly, I was actually, I was very surprised because most of the comments weren't really a tack on her. It was actually a reflection of what may be going on inside of her. And a lot of people were expressing compassion, love and understanding. So I am beyond grateful for that with a lot of the comments. And I actually had to step into that same space myself to actually lean into compassion, understanding for this other person. And that's not to say I didn't take it personally. Why I'm sharing this with you is I actually looked inward and said, is it possible? There's some truth to this. And what I recognized is I'll be candid with you. Those who know me know I lost my 19 year old son Connor. There's a picture of him right there three years ago. And it inspired me to write my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? And it's shifted my life in so many different ways. One of the things is that publicly is that I get a ton of sympathy regarding him. I get a ton of sympathy regarding him. And I will say that sympathy is an addictive feeling. I'm gonna repeat that sympathy is an addictive feeling. In other words, when you're getting a ton of sympathy, which is really a ton of love, it can be actually very addictive. So to the extent that there was some truth to her comment about the supply, the narcissistic supply, not that it's narcissistic supply, but anybody who's lost someone or is in pain when they get some sort of validation over that, it can be very addictive. So as I was looking inward, I was reflecting on that. Now, to the extent that she called me a narcissist, here's the bottom line, folks. I know in my heart of hearts, I'm not a narcissist, even though a lot of people say that and there might be something else going on. I'm not gonna discount that I have a bit of arrogance and a bit of bravado and a bit of righteousness. And it takes a little bit of arrogance, bravado and righteousness to come here and speak to you and look in a camera like this and do this. So I'm not gonna deny that I have a bit of arrogance, bravado and a little bit of righteousness going on. Why I know I'm not a narcissist is I can't tell you how many times I've been there for those friends of mine that needed me.  And that's a clear sign that when someone takes ownership for their mistakes is not a narcissist because a narcissist will never admit they're wrong. So what else might be going on amongst men? And I wanna share because there is something that is going on amongst men and women alike. So this is a human thing. And that is the need for significance, the need for significance. And we're all experiencing this desire to be significant. This is why Instagram was invented and people do selfies all the time because most humans are craving to be important, to be significant. And actually it's one of the six basic human needs. And I wanna read to you really quickly the six basic human needs so you can understand this. The first is certain, by the way, this is a Tony Robbins six basic human needs. You can see that certainty, variety, significance, connection and love, growth and contribution. So to the extent that I'm here communicating with you and I'm doing it in a way to encourage personal development, self-help and spiritual work for everyone, I'm here to say is yes, I am fueling my desire to be significant. But we all want that, men and women alike. So we've gotta be careful with this narrative of calling someone a narcissist when it's simply, they might have a little arrogance, they might be a little bit myopic, they might have a desire to be significant in the world. But here's the bottom line, real narcissism are people that lack empathy. And so you have to ask yourself, was the person you're with them, by the way, being gaslighting, for example, gaslighting, we always say, narcissists gaslight, they mean they turn things around. Actually, most human beings, when they get confronted with something, they actually gaslight, men and women alike, not narcissists, it's very common to get defensive when someone triggers you. Just for example, like she did, I immediately got defensive and I wanted to attack her. Now it's rare that we actually say what would love do. And by the way, if you listen to my podcast, there's a link below. My podcast is called the what would love do podcast and we explore life, love and the pursuit of inner peace through the eyes of love. And so the idea is what would love do, how would love respond is my invitation for everybody. So with this person's comment, I asked myself, am I a narcissist, am I arrogant or just seeking significance? And I'm here to say is everybody is seeking significance, it's a very common thing. And so with respects to her comment, I send her a lot of love. My hope is that she heals just like I'm working on my own healing.   And yes, I talk about him frequently as a way to keep him alive. Yes, that's a form of significance. So I just want you to understand folks that we can point the finger at someone being narcissist but we have to look beyond that. And unless you know a person personally, don't call them that because until you've spent any time in someone else's shoes, what is the biblical quote? What's the biblical quote about? Don't cast a stone until you cast it over yourself or whatever, is someone please post it because I can't remember what it is. Anyway, thank you for allowing me to share that with you. I think it's time to take another question. I really appreciate it. All right, time to take questions. By the way, for those that are commented, amen. Thank you for those that are commenting about how I'm feeling. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And let's jump in. If you have a question, post the word question. Okay, here's a couple of things. If you have a question, post the word question, write the word question and then write the question thereafter so I can see it easily. Secondly, you can purchase a super sticker or super chat and post your question inside there. As I've said before, these funds actually go to a scholarship to allow me to offer personal development for folks, for people that are struggling financially and eventually this is gonna turn into a foundation at some point. I'm hoping to create for Connor. I'm actually looking at creating a t-shirt line too in honor of Connor as well. So I've got some things in the works. I'm just a little bit lazy, so I hope I get to them but I wanna let you all know I'm very grateful for all the super stickers and super chats. So thank you so much. All right, so do we have a question? Just a reminder, post the word question and then it'd be easier for me to see. Okay, Jenny, G writes, question. Why are there men online who truly aren't available for a relationship? I met a divorced guy in Bumble who travels 70% of the year. Jenny, great question. Why does this happen? It's in other words, why do men date when they're not ready? In fact, I just shot a video if you look back a few days ago, I actually did a video on this but I'm gonna address this in a little more detail for you or not in more detail. Here's the bottom line. Every human being is seeking connection. Every human being is seeking connection. It's a basic human need to feel connection with another human being. It's right there in the six basic human needs.  Okay, there's a basic human need to have sex. So connection and sex is the primary reason why people go out there who might not be ready for a relationship but here's the thing. You know, it used to be if a guy wanted to get laid, he had to get married. Let's face it, up until about 60 years ago, you pretty much had to make the final, you had to make the, here's the ring, you had to make a commitment. By the way, I wear this ring on my other finger. I have a friend who wrote a book called Ring Shwe. I should find it. And she said, if I wear the ring like a wedding band ring on this finger, it's meant to attract a partner on this finger. So we'll see.  I'm sorry, I just had a brain fart there. Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. Okay, going back to wide, okay, going back to connection and that desire for sex, okay? When we're not ready, oh, going, oh, I know where I was going with relationship. So we used to have to get married to get laid. Now, all we have to do to get laid, ladies, is to tell you we want a relationship. That's all we have to do is saying, I'm looking for a relationship.  So this is why, again, I recommend scheduling a free discovery call with me if you're single looking for love because that's what I do is I teach how to vet for this. But I'm gonna, I wanna give you some insight in what you could say. And I would merely say is, great, what kind of relationship are you looking for? What does commitment mean to you? What does commitment mean to you? What does commitment mean to you? Or you could say, what does commitment look like for you? What does, okay, I'm not gonna do that, but you get the gist. Folks, you're not asking good questions.   I mean, we gotta get past this narrative of believing that men are perfect. I don't care if a guy makes a quarter million dollars a year and is an alpha male.  Most people haven't healed their childhood wounds and traumas that cause them to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life or their adult traumas like a contentious divorce, issues at work. And so without some sort of healing which is why I continually recommend the book The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process to start shifting to do the inner work so you're capable of being in a relationship. And by the way, ladies, most of you aren't really great at relationships either. Most of you have no clue how to be in a relationship. This is why I continually recommend the book Eight Dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman because this is the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship. And if you don't know how a healthy happy relationships work then you have no chance of having success in a relationship. So here's the bottom line. All we men have to do is do a couple of swipes. Say we wanna, oh, I got a bumble notification. All we have to do is a couple of swipes and then tell you we're interested in a relationship. We date you three times.  And so this is what's going on. And we've gotta, listen, look it. I have a respect for a lot of the other dating coaches out there. I know they're trying to do good, I get it.  I swear to God, I was watching some video today about inspiring a man's hero instinct.   And that's why most relationships fail because they lack the emotional maturity to actually be in a relationship. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Because I gotta tell you folks, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I gotta tell you, I get calls all the time to do a discovery call with me. And I'm like, and they don't hire me.  And if you do the same thing over and over it's just gonna magically change things. It's not going to. You have to make a shift within yourself. This is why please, please buy my book. Mainly so you can get the last page of all the recommended readings. Look at that. These, you gotta read these books if you wanna change your life, if you wanna be empowered. Look at, I know a lot of you look up to me because you see me as emotionally mature. I've spent 3,000 hours of doing work. I spend an hour a day on my personal development watching key videos. Listen, my video is great to maybe spark your interest but I highly recommend following Wayne Dyer, following Matt Kahn, following Marianne Williamson. I mean, the list just goes on and on. Barbara DeAngelis, Michael Singer.  Okay, that was a rant. I think it's time for another question. Thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. And that is why men engage in relationships because it's not an issue if they're not ready.  It's not being intentional. And I think it's important you know that. All right. Oh, Meg says, thank you, Jonathan.   Patricia says prayers to you. Thank you so much. Sending much love. Thank you. Maria says, I hope you feel better. By the way, thank you all for the superstickers. I really appreciate that. Super chats. Thank you so much, Maria. I really, really appreciate it.  Liz says, wow. Petrie says, amen. Thank you. Let's find a question. So the word question and then post the question out there or purchase a super sticker or super chat. All right. I'm sorry. I gotta keep scrolling, scrolling. I'll comment. Jenny says, you are far from a narcissist. You have feelings and are self aware. The comment was uncalled for. This person who has comment sad person. Listen, I don't wanna criticize the person, but I thank you for recognizing that I'd like to think I'm not a narcissist.  I'm a little bit righteous. I can be myopic. Okay. I can be sometimes, you know, self evolved. Okay. But guess what? That's called being a human. All right. Question, question, question. Post a question. Wow. Jenna says, ask questions and get clarity period. Be genuine. Accept the fact your definition and definition may not be in sync. When your definitions are miles apart, move on. Great point.  This is an important thing to recognize. What does it mean to you? What does it look like for you? Folks, you guys know my story. Relationship looks like this. Once we've decided we're going to explore a relationship together. So first off, by the way, ladies, really quickly. A first date is the sniff test. Okay. When you two strangers meet, it's simply a sniff test. It's not a date. You're sniffing, being like a dog, right? You're sniffing at each other. You're trying to see if there's some connection there. Okay. That's first meeting. Okay. The first date, which a guy usually will initiate if he likes you is a little bit, it's the next step from that. Okay. And then the second date is the next step and the third date's the next step. And by the time you get to the fourth, fifth, seventh, seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th date, it's time to decide if the two of you want to explore a relationship. Explore a relationship. Now it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to get to level one of a relationship. And my goal at level one, when we decide we're going to explore a relationship is we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, partnership of building skills, which includes our personal life and our professional life. In other words, helping each other in both areas of our lives. And lastly, intimacy, both physical and sexual intimacy. To me, that's what I'm looking for. So I'm very clear about that. That's called my standard. So when I meet women who are incapable of meeting that standard, and a lot of women can't, they've got busy schedules, they're raising children, they're not in a space to meet what I desire, then I set my boundary and say, hey, we're not a fit for each other because this is what I see. But many of you are like, well, but Jonathan, if we love each other, it will just magically work out because love solves everything. Folks, the bottom line is this, lust and limerence is what most people experience in the beginning stage of relationship. If you haven't seen my relationship iceberg, oh, I got to write down the word relation, I just thought of that, relationship iceberg, relationship, oops, scribbled together, relationship iceberg. So above the iceberg is attraction, is attraction. And the tip is called chemistry. Now what we experienced in that level is lust and limerence, lust and limerence. Limerence is extreme infatuation. What you can see here is compatibility. This is the most important piece of a relationship. First is shared values. Next is blendable lifestyles. And lastly is emotional maturity. And that by far is the biggest chunk of the whole deal is emotional maturity. And sadly, most human beings have weak emotional skills and they have terrible communication skills when it comes to a relationship. This is why it's highly important to read the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg to learn how to communicate better. By the way, this should have been called compassionate communication. My point is this, the reason why most relationships fail is because they're not really aligned with each other and they're not compatible with one another. And most people, men in particular, have no idea what they want in a relationship. So ladies, you have to be in charge of your relationship destiny by setting the standard, just like I said, a standard. And a standard is a coin. One side is the standard and the other side is a boundary. And a boundary is simply what's okay and what's not okay with me. So by expressing your boundaries, you can determine if this person is right for you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. What was the question? Oh, so being on the same page, that was what the question about. So I've kind of given you an outline of how I think you can approach if you're on the same page. Great, thanks so much. Great question. Am says, where are you from, Jonathan? I am from Los Angeles, California, pretty much my whole life. Jessica says, I understand completely you're being compassionate, but oh, sorry, this is related to that other post. I know I only wanna go there. If you have a question, post the word question. Oh, good, we have a couple of things. All right, Judy says, dating a man who checks all my boxes but he divorced his wife a year ago after the pandemic. She ran off with another man. Should I give him a chance? We're a good match. I don't see why you don't give him a chance. If he's fully divorced, then go for it. Oh, you know what? I just thought of something, Judy. He probably still loves his wife. He probably still loves his wife. Most men who have been cheated on and the wife leaves for another man, that is a very traumatic experience. A couple of things. Men are territorial. Men are very, I'm very territorial. This is where the provider protector comes, but it's also like, hey, she's my property, stay away. Kind of thing goes on. Now, we look at that as being protector, but it's really, there's a component of like, you're my property, stay away, we call that protector, but that's really what's coming up. But in this particular case, it occurs to me, yeah. He may not be a good candidate to be in relationship if he genuinely still cares about her. So I would do a deep dive into asking him some really serious questions about his relationship. Folks, I've shared this meme with you before, but I wanna bring it up again. Bear with me a second. The meme is called, I want you to see that.   I wanna talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that make you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite sense, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. Judy, I invite you to have a deep conversation about how he feels about what happened to give you some sense of whether or not he's even capable of being a relationship. So my instincts tell me if he's still pining for his wife, he's gonna need a couple years break before he's actually capable of being a relationship. He's very capable for the surface part of a relationship, that connection and intimacy or sex, okay? He's very capable of that. But I highly doubt if he's still pining for his spouse, ex-spouse, I highly doubt he's in a space to actually explore the deeper part of relationship. Now what you might wanna do is introduce the book eight, before the penis ever goes inside the vagina ladies, introduce the book eight dates to a guy and talk about whether or not you wanna explore a relationship together. And this book, by the way, outlines through eight separate dates how to have conversations to see if you're the right fit for one another. And most of you ladies are like, well, but men are supposed to be the leaders of the relationship because they're supposed to claim me they're just chivalrous and I just have to lean back in my feminine energy.  And then they blame you ladies on this whole idea that you're bad because you have ambition and drive and they call that being in your masculine as if something's wrong. And then they totally misinterpret the idea of masculine as being controlling. That is not masculine. Masculine is not controlling. Masculine is simply doing energy. Controlling is just called bad behavior. And here's the thing, folks, we all are controlling. We all control because we wanna feel safe. We do it every day.  I just have to laugh. What was the question again? He checks all the married guy. Anyway, so here's my invitation for you. Just ask him some really deep questions to see if it's worth investing because here's the thing, if you're pining for him hoping that some magic fairy dust will change because the magic fairy dust always comes and changes everything. Ladies, get busy living or get busy dying. If you know what that quote is from, post it in the comment below but that's my invitation for you.  Choose men who are fit for you and explore a juicy, delicious relationship together. Great question. Thank you so much. All right. Rosie writes, question. Do you believe in intuition and following it even though what's happening will logically tell you to do the opposite? I'm interested to hear your knowledge and thoughts on this. Great question. So I absolutely believe in my intuition. I absolutely believe in my intuition. Now it's taken me years to hone my intuition to differentiate between the ego mind trying to rationalize things, the ego mind trying to rationalize things. This is why I highly recommend, again, reading the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. This is a great book to help you tap into your intuition to learn about the voices in your head, the roommate in your life, the pendulum, all these great things I invite you to read. And then start reading the work of Marianne Williamson. Read the book Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. Now she did a deep dive into, she used to be the main speaker for the course in miracles, a course in miracles. I spent three years studying the course in miracles. It's a daily practice I did for three years, one hour a day. And it helped me recognize how the ego tries to rationalize things.  And this is a great question. I love this. Oh, I'm so glad.  I'm gonna repeat that. Your head says go and your heart says stay. It's like the, have you ever seen the movie where there's a devil on one ear and the angel on the other ear and it's talking to you?  So here's the reality.  It's your heart that says go. Your heart, when you're in a relationship and you're vacillating between it, should I stay or should I go? The staying peace is actually your ego trying to rationalize something and your heart is screaming, please save me, please save me, please save me from this bad relationship.  That's why reading this book and if you wanna read another great book, matter of fact, let's talk about two other new books. I'm gonna talk about Mastery of Love, Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. Highly recommend this and I highly recommend the work of Alan Cohen, Wisdom of the Heart.  It's got cute little stories in it to help you tap into the emotional side, that intuition within you because we all have a capacity to recognize who's right for us and who's wrong because our feelings are our barometer.  No, let me just tell you this. When your heart says go and your head says stay, that's actually what happening, not the other way around. Great question, thank you so much. I hope that resonated with you. Please hit that like button everyone. Thank you so much for that one. Bump, bump, bump. This is a great, I'm having a great time. Even though I'm in significant pain, I'm having a great time.  What are your thoughts on that? Well, the person who cares about sex leases the one who wins. I've experienced that a lot in relationship.    I've healed it. Now that you've passed away, I've definitely healed it.  Folks, I'm not here, I'm not a great coach on giving advice on sex. What I am here to say is I highly recommend reading the book, How to Make Love All the Time, to really, this will help you actually connect at a deeper level and my hope is if you're connecting to your deeper level, you actually connect on a sexual level more often. And I'm also here to recommend, I've done Tantric workshops, I've done Comma Sutra workshops.  Also, I highly recommend maybe trying MDMA. Oh my God, I just recommended something that might be bad. MDMA breaks down the ego and allows you to enter your heart space to open up to a partner. This whole narrative of masculine and feminine polarity in the bedroom, you know, the man that's just coming and just take you like an animal, right? Yeah, a lot of you aren't prepared for that. You've got so many walls up and it's not our job to take down your walls. It's your job to take down your walls. So I'm here to say, do the work, try different things out if that's the case because I would hope you're both on the same page on the sex piece. But again, I am not an expert on this. By the way, I'm not a relationship and dating expert.  Let me just say this. I just study this shit and talk about this and I just probably know more than most but I do not consider myself an expert in any way, shape, or form. If you wanna talk to a great expert on relationships, call Doctors John and Julie Gottman if you can get them on the phone. All right, great question. Thank you so much. Loved it, big hugs. All right, question, question, question. Do you have a question? Write the word question. We got that one. Purchase a super sticker or super. If this content is resonating with you, I'd be so grateful if you purchased a super sticker, super chat. By the way, for those listening to this in my podcast, it's only during the live show you can do that. But if this is resonating with you, please, by the way, show me some love, okay? I'm in a lot of pain. Okay, was that narcissistic I just did? Maybe a little bit selfish, but thank you. Canadian writes, I love fucking. Me too. God, it's been a while. Boy, it's been a long while. Okay, core piece says, question. X said he felt like he was cheating on his ex-girlfriend even though they had broken up but he isn't in love with her but loves her. What a mess. I'm not sure what to say anymore. M, what is MDMA? I don't know how to respond to that one.   Folks, if you wanna find love in your life, stop spending time with broken people. Stop spending time with broken people.  But you don't need to get into their car that's all broken. You can choose to pursue people who are more, by the way, listen, I throw a lot of people under the bus but I'm here to say, most people are good people, they just haven't healed a lot of their wounds and traumas. But there's also a lot of good people out there that are capable of being in relationship. I'd say a good 20% are actually capable and really good potential partners. Your goal is to weed out the 80% or not. But Jonathan, I prefer to do the same thing over and over again because I'm just fantasizing about a different result because magic fairy dust always works out. And if I just listen to these feminine energy coaches or if I read the book, the rules, which will manipulate a guy, it's all gonna magically work out. Folks, it doesn't work that way. It works by being emotionally healthy yourself and then learning how to vet for emotional maturity. Check out the link to a discovery call with me that's in my area of expertise. If you wanna learn how to vet for emotional maturity because that's your greatest chance for success and not the magic fairy dust that many of you are suckling on.  At least that's my perception. I'm not saying that as an absolute. That's just my perception based on this. Thank you so much.  He gets so mad long distance that I can't even sometimes get a word in. I told him I want balance in a relationship and he was like, no, I was like, what the fuck? Folks, get busy living or get busy dying.  Stop being with people that are not a good fit for you. It's not going to ever, ever, ever work out. All you're gonna do is feel miserable. Look at 50% of marriages the first time fail, the second and third marriages end 60 and 75% of the time. And that doesn't even include relationships that don't work out. The reality is is most people are not aligned for one another. This is why the saying, what's the definition of insanity, expecting different results by doing the same thing? You gotta work with me if you wanna change that.  But here's the bottom line. If you make an investment in yourself, you might have a different experience. And I can't tell you how often every week I get a call from a client. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy and they know the difference. Every woman who's worked with me says the same thing. Why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't I learn this when I was, why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I married that knucklehead? Folks, look it, I was a train wreck after my divorce.  And I was clueless when I got married. Look it, I didn't learn any of this stuff until I started reading about relationships. How many people actually read about relationships? It's probably less than 10% of the population at best. And of that 10%, 90% are women. So here's the thing. You are the emotional leaders of the relationship, not men. And if you don't recognize that, if you're gonna hope that men are gonna be the leaders, well, guess what? You're putting faith in the wrong person. Put faith in yourself. Be empowered, your sovereignty, and stop giving your power away. All right, great question. Thank you so much. I don't know if I really answered it. All right. Natalie writes, question.  She's 65. Is it normal? Should she be counseling? Well, I don't know if she should be counseling. I do understand that a lot of women don't have a capacity in that regard. I know that to be true. Again, that's not my area of expertise. I do not even know how to come close to handling that. The previous advice I gave is about the best I could do. Sorry about that. Thank you so much for that question. Jenny says, okay, this is why I'm single. I've met many men recently who are fucked up, but I lean back and show no interest. Yep. Hey, by the way, Dr. Phil says, how's that working for you? Choose better men. That's what I teach. It's not about being in your feminine energy. It's about learning how to vet for emotional maturity. One of the things I teach women is an emotional aptitude test to basically ask the five primary questions. And by the way, you gotta hire me to find out those five primary questions. I ain't gonna be giving them away because that's how I make a living. Unless you all drop a lot of coin in the super sticker and super chats, then I can start giving it away for free. Sadie writes, question, Jonathan. A janitor and a postman both showered and showed interest in me. I'm a professional person, so I said no. Am I being too picky? Yeah. By the way, if a person can pay their own bills, okay, what's it really matter? A postman, a janitor, can they pay their own bills? That's what's most important. The fact that you actually might come to the table with a little more is just remember, it takes two incomes to make a relationship work these days. There's this rare, by the way, 80% of the US population makes less than $100,000 a year. The reality is, is that many of you are trying to seek that high income earning man. But by the way, less than 1%, is it less than 2% of the population makes a quarter million dollars a year? And I believe that might actually be 1%. So the reality is, is your chances of finding a guy at your level? I mean, there are men that in a 100 to 150,000 range, but you know what? Would you rather be in a happy relationship or would you just rather have a man make as much money as you?  I mean, here's the thing, and I did a video on, by the way, there's a previous live stream on the whole idea of being intimidated.   I would certainly give them a chance to see if they're a good bet, because what do you have to lose? What do you have to lose? Great question though, thank you so much. All right, write the word question. Sorry, I'm just scrolling through this. Oh, Jenny says, this is why, oh, we already did that. Okay. Catherine says, question, I love your videos. I'm a widow of two years and four months who finds it hard to resist several young men who just want a sexual relationship with me. Do you have any advice for me?  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You know what, ladies, especially the older women, when you got younger guys coming after you, that can be a lot of fun for the short run. That's okay to experience some sexual connection and desire for younger people. I'm not here to encourage it, I'm just here to say, I don't see anything wrong with it. Now, your reality of entering a relationship with these guys is actually very slim because they're gonna pull the escape clause and that is, oh, I wanna start a family with someone. So just remember that usually guys that are in it for the sex are in it for the short run. But you just gotta ask yourself, are you okay with the short run? And if you're okay with the short run, then go for it. And if you're not okay with the short run, then don't engage. That's my invitation for you. Great question, thank you so much. All right, do you wanna keep going? Catherine gave me a super sticker, thank you so much. Anyone else wanna do that, I'd be so grateful. Paris writes, question, my last three relationships have ended because my sexual needs were not met. How do I figure this out sooner rather than later? Great question, oh my God, great question. And here, and your dilemma is this. As men age, their sexual desire drops. I mean, folks, I gotta tell you something.  And I say was, but you know, I don't like saying but. And I'm trying to eliminate the word but in my language and say and yet, okay.    Boy, I missed that. Although I haven't gotten laid so long.  Oh my God, just joking, just joking, just joking. I mean, here's the thing. It's natural for people's sex drive to drop as they age. It's just a very natural thing. This is why I prefer actually learning Tantra, Kamisutra and other things, learning different ways to be intimate with your partner that actually enhances the desire to be sexual. But this takes two people, two people to be conscious and aware in their relationship to actually wanna explore the relationship at a much more intentional level. This is why I highly recommend reading Gary Zukoff's book.  And most of you folks are doing very little to actually build a relationship.  You just hope magic fairy deaths will make a solid relationship. And many of you are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself, I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself.  That's what my mission is to invite intentionality. I highly recommend reading the book.  In other words, this whole narrative that men are supposed to be this and women are supposed to be that based on the book, The Rules. Folks, let's take the gender out of the equation and let's start treating each other like human beings. That's your only chance for a relationship success when you're treating each other like human beings. And that's my invitation for you all. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please hit that like button, give me an amen to let me know. All right, we're gonna keep going. Even though I'm in incredible pain, we're gonna keep going.  They gave me Tramadol. I hope this works. I'm like Jonesing to take this, but I'm trying to be cognitive here. So please appreciate that I'm doing this for you.  All right, amen human beings, thank you. Let's just be human, human aliens. Yes, I agree.  That's a good point. Yoga is a very, gets you in touch with your body. And by the way, Tantra, oh my God. And by the way, it's non-sexual Tantra. But boy, does that get you in your body like nobody's business, I love it. Wolf says, I just want him to touch me and make me feel good in bed. We can figure the rest out, we are so similar. Hey, start having real conversations with one another. That's your greatest chance for success. Start having more intimate conversations. All right, Jane says, Tramadol will knock you out. Yay, I wanna get knocked out.  And that has to be intentional, it's so difficult because I want to have closeness, but I can't settle. Oh my God, Jane, you literally have spoken the words that I'm feeling within myself right now. I mean, literally I could have written the same thing.  I'm feeling like, and by the way, I'm expressing myself with the hopes that you can see men do feel this way is that I'm looking for a heart on to go with my heart on, although it's about here, not here anymore. Fuck, I missed those days when it was just like standing all the way to attention, but it's not bad, and thank God, well, anyway, we won't go there. But yes, I'm jonesing for a heart on, and I suspect it's the same for you, and it's going to take choosing a partner that can meet you where you're at where you can meet each other on the 50 yard line. This is why I gotta tell you folks, I'm on Bumble, and by the way, I just got a message from a woman on Bumble. Let's just see what she said, because I do find her attractive. And she said, oh, I guess there's no message. Oh, I thought there was a message there. My point is I go for the juggler, juggler.   I wanna talk about aliens, atoms. But if I find that kind of woman, I go for the juggler.  In fact, in my coaching program, we have a section called radical honesty. How to ask the right questions before the penis ever goes inside the vagina.  Let's just have a good time. Just focus on a good time. Listen, folks, I'm all in favor of having a good time in the dating process. I'm very in favor of that. But guess what? When all it is about a good time, where the fuck? Oh, where did my, you're focused in this section of the iceberg.  I'm sorry, it's doomed. Thank you, great question. I appreciate that, and I can resonate with it. KK says, don't drink coffee, don't drink any coffee or beer with any medical pills you might pass out for one or three hours or throw up. Well, I drank my coffee in the morning. All right, Givengracelife.com says, question. Is it normal for a man to focus more on sexual connection at first versus emotions? Should I be offended or how can I understand it from his point of view? Grace, great question. So let's just get real, ladies. What do all men think about on a first date? Post it in the comment below. What do all men think about on a first date?  But Jonathan, what about the ugly ones?  Do you remember the movie Harry Met Sally? The unattractive ones, please forgive me. I apologize the word ugly. The ones that they do not find attractive. Please don't cancel me for that. So here's the thing. Yes, we're naturally drawn sexually. It's, you know, let's face it. What is chemistry? Chemistry is testosterone. It's dopamine. It's oxytocin. It's estrogen. It's a cocktail. It's serotonin. It's all these things that make you wanna get close and close and close to someone. That's what chemistry is. Remember the tip of the iceberg. Now a man who's genuinely serious about a relationship is more inclined to get to know you at a greater level.  So we had a great first meeting that was a little bit affectionate, but I immediately put the kibosh on it because I'm aware enough to know it's not right for me. But that takes a strong level of awareness.  That means you're gonna have to ask better questions from the beginning. And if you're not asking better questions, then I know you've been told not to interview a guy. Ladies, a first date is an interrogation. Get the light beams, get the light, wait, hold on. Get the light beams on them. I'm gonna interrogate you. Now I'm being tongue in cheek here, but my point is, look it, if you're not asking good questions, especially before the penis goes inside the vagina, you're fucked, you are. Because there's a good chance he's not a good fit for you. That's just statistically, it's not being not a good fit for you. Because chemistry does not equal relationship success and love does not solve relationship problems, okay? Emotional maturity solves relationship problems and shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity is what needed for a successful relationship. Grace, thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. All righty then, we are gonna keep going. Melissa, thank you for the super sticker. I appreciate that. Jenny says, I tried to ask deep questions with a 50-year-old never married man. He couldn't go deep with me. Uh, it was a turnoff. Yeah, a lot of people can't go deep. I can tell you, a lot of women are so afraid to go deep. I mean, maybe, I don't know if I, by the way, I don't think I intimidate them or anything, but look at, I mean, very few people can actually go deep. You know, very few people can actually become intimate with another human being. What is intimacy?  And so, I like to test women out right from the get-go to see how deep they can go and if they can't meet me at my, I'm not asking them to meet me at my level, but if they're here, I'm like, I don't have the bandwidth to go down that low, but if they're there, that's okay, because I can get them up there. That's not that hard, but if you're here and they're there, it's impossible to get them up high enough and they have to wanna do it on their own. So I hope that helps. So thank you so much. That's a great question. Alrighty then. Candy says, hello, my dating coach friends. Thank you. So I wanna address, oh, here we go, Jenny says, or Jen says, question. I'm dating someone who keeps asking, what are we doing here? But he doesn't have any specific of what he'd change in our relationship. What is he really asking? Well, I think he's trying to get a sense of where you're at in this relationship. So there must be some, he must be feeling some resistance from you or must be feeling some doubt from you. So I invite you to look, are you experiencing resistance or doubt because that's what I suspect he's trying to uncover. What are we doing here? Because he wants to hear from you, what do you want? And I would invite him to say, well, I would throw it back here. What are we doing here? What are you doing here? What are we doing here? I would invite him the same question on what are we doing here? And have a dialogue, have a conversation. Again, folks, highly recommend the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Alrighty, I am burning up by my lights here. Woof, okay. Oh, by the way, so I've been getting emails from a lot of you that wanna go on a date with me. So, and which I really appreciate. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate. And ladies, if you happen to be in Redondo Beach and you reach out to me professionally and you happen to be in my area and you wanna grab a cup of coffee and it works in my schedule, I am more than game with that. I would, you know, I love connecting with people. I'd really like to be doing this on a grand scale, actually out in public. And I love when I do, when I've done my seminars, it's just, it takes a lot of work to get butts in the seat.  But I wanna let you know how flattered I am, truly flattered at all the kind emails. I know one woman sent me a bikini shot, by the way, you're gorgeous, thank you so much. And I wanna thank you all so very much. I kinda hope my soulmate does find me on this YouTube channel and somehow comes my way. I will tell you, I have a fantasy around that. So, who knows, that might happen, but I wanna thank you all for the love that you've given me and sending me emails to my website. Thank you so much. Mystic with Lipstick just wrote, let me find this question. I don't know how to put this there. Mystic with Lipstick wrote, here we go. And she spent $20, thank you so much. Question, if you're open and given space and give space, told the guy, if you want me to go away, just tell me. But he hasn't taken the out. However, he texts me today first and told me he'd call around a certain time but never called, advice. Okay, I don't like the way, again, I'm not a fan of what you wrote. If you want me to go away, just tell me. Rather than, let me read what I wrote again. Here's what I would say. I just wanted to say, I've noticed it looks like you're pulling away emotionally from our relationship. And I suspect something is coming up for you. And whether you want to stay in the relationship or not, I'm someone you can talk to. And it's okay if you're making a choice to move away from the relationship. From my perspective, it's okay or natural if you're having doubts or second thoughts about the relationship. And I understand and I just want you to know I'm okay with that and I'm okay with me. I'm okay with me. I'm strong in and of myself.  I'm here if you wanna talk. I think that's a better way of approaching it, Mystic.  So my advice to you is tell the guy, hey, thank you. I think you're a great guy, but we are not on the same page. And look it, I need, look it. Maybe you need to tell him, look, I need a man. A man, not a child, a man.    Nor do you get my ear to be a friend. Either show up as a human being at my level or don't.  Look, I get it, you have doubts. It's scary, okay? You can either talk to me as a human being or I will move on. Ladies, stop being nice to men. Stop being nice to men.  Listen, ladies, you're just way too nice.  They don't deserve this behavior. I know why the behavior happens, but you don't deserve to be with a wishy washy guy.  You know, what's the definition of insanity is keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. If you're wishy washy, you're gonna attract wishy washy guys and you'll be pining for them. But Jonathan, I love them because we have so much great chemistry together and I know that's not what you said mystic with lipstick, but that's my invitation for you. And I hope that helped. Thank you so much. Jenny says, I'm in New York, so I'm a bit far away. Again, if you're ever in Redondo Beach, John, drink some water. Okay, I'm drinking a cocktail. That's probably not a good idea. Mm. Thank you. Parrot, oops. All right. Question, how does calling out work with a grown up man? By the way, calling them out is not to enhance your relationship, is to get him set up for the next relationship. Listen, well, first off, you don't need to call out a grown, an emotionally grown up man you don't need to call out.  So I wouldn't worry about it with a grown up man. It's really a child that that's happening. Jana says, oh, I have called him out. I loved it. I ended it. I'm happy about it. Yay, yay, yay. Yay, yay, yay. Yay, yay, yay. Let's give her some thumbs up. And by the way, give my YouTube channel a thumb up and say amen. Ah, all right. Given Grace's life. Yep, I've learned that just because you understand doesn't mean they deserve your empathy or compassion. Well said. Patty says, tired of wishy-washy men. I'm tired of wishy-washy women, but I get it, okay? Natalie says, cocktail is not a good idea with tramadol. I get it, thanks. All right. Mama says, great point. Set them up and ship them out. All right. I think this is a good time to wrap up today. Folks, this has been a blast. Thank you for enduring my pain with me. I hope to feel better in a few weeks. I'm gonna do my best and do our Friday live stream and then our next Monday and the days after that. I'm gonna still post videos mostly every day. I hope you find value with it. Folks, if you need some love and support, check out the link to a free discovery call. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. It's for 20 bucks a month. You can have direct access to me on a regular basis through my Facebook page. Check out my podcast called the What Would Love Do podcast. Check out my books, all the books I recommend. Links below in the description and in the comments when we wrap up today. All right, this is a great place to wrap up. First off, again, I wanna say thank you to Jenny and Stephanie and Candy and Wolfen. Everybody that commented, thank you so much. Big, gigantic hugs. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic hug of self love, which I really need right now. Reaching into the camera and giving you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to a friend, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, everyone. Bye now. Bye. Melissa says, thanks and gang. We'll be at, thank you. Nora says, thank you, Jonathan. Feel better soon. Wish you washy people are not always easy to spot early or are they? Yes they are, if you learn the tricks that I teach. Says, I love to watch you. Thank you all so much. Have a great evening. Thanks, bye now.