We're so messed up and there are so many videos talking about how toxic we are. Well Carly you're in luck because here at the Rewired Soul we're all about making dreams come true. What is up everybody this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from the YouTube community to help teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well being. So if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and real quick I love you all so so so much thank you for following me on Instagram a lot of you know that I'm trying so so hard to get to 10,000 followers so I can get that damn swipe up feature so if you haven't yet follow me over on Instagram and it's awesome because I share amazing fan art like this look at this don't I have the best subscribers on earth yeah I totally do so anyways this is a very interesting video so full disclaimer and it's kind of a disclaimer but um Carly Steele and I uh we've been talking for a few weeks now I got that comment that I read at the intro of this video and I'm like who the heck is this right so I went out and checked her channel out and her and I have talked and then not long after we talked she went through her breakup with Connor so we've been talking on the side I've been you know just chatting with her and stuff she's kind of like kind of like a friend little sister you know whatever and I've been giving her tough love and when she posted this video I was talking to him like ooh girl because I've been seeing all the live streams and stuff and I even sent her a free copy of rewinding your anger I'm like girl you need to get off live stream but anyways um so you know I texted her and said yo I'm gonna check out your new video do you want me to make a video about it and she's like sure I'm like I'm gonna give you some tough love and she's like all right so first off like super proud of her for that like we live in a really interesting time where people's like lives are put out there on YouTube but like with with my channel growth and some other youtubers getting upset about me talking about it you know whatever like I'm here to show you like and I'm glad Carly's being a part of this this is how I talk to everybody all right this is how I talk to my son some of these other videos I did with my son this is how I talk to my friends this is how I talk to my clients so Carly buckle up girl you're about to get some tough love but as always I want all of you to look at this situation with Carly and Connor and ask yourself if you can relate you know I'm going to be talking about some healthy and very unhealthy toxic things in this video so I definitely want you to take lessons from this even though like I might be talking directly to Carly in this video I want you to see how you can relate to this and see if you could take any of these tips as well all right so first off girl you started out with a diss track and like here's the thing like so I might talk about penniness a little bit in this video but I will give I will give Carly a little bit of a pass just like a tiny bit of a pass and the only reason why is because something that's very therapeutic for mental health especially when you're going through like a break up or a tough time is some kind of creative outlet all right for some people that's drawing for some people it's you know exercising for me it's you know meditation or writing or creating videos some of you might be journaling Carly decided to write a diss track so I'm gonna cut her a little bit of a slack because putting her feelings out there in some kind of a musical form like maybe that that was helpful all right she's been going to this bar and getting free drinks from the guy that works there and this is the guy that she makes out with and goes home to my place and sleeps in my bed with guys this is the girl you guys support this is fake from her ass up so girl girl you and Connor both oh my god so Carly talked about how this is the last time she's gonna talk about this or whatever and I hope so I really hope so so Carly and I we talked on Instagram too and I get little notifications like Carly's going live and not long after the break up every other live stream was just going at Connor but you know Carly included a clip of Connor of course you know just saying like terrible things right but you guys like I've talked about this recently with like James Charles and things like that like when you are like emotionally charged it is the worst time to go on social media so one thing I will definitely say about Carly and Connor like both of them with very large followings like this has been very public and messy and I'm glad that I get to be a part of this to hopefully show you guys what's you know some good and bad examples all right but YouTubers in in general like I've talked a lot about Trisha Paytas and Jason Nash and sometimes there's too much that's going online but throughout this video I'm going to talk about how Connor and Carly's relationship really should have never gotten to this point because it seems like it was unhealthy for a very very long time Carly if a cop saw what I did to you tonight I would not go to jail if I didn't shut the door yeah I was chasing you I was chasing you I was gonna be okay so what you won't let you won't just leave me alone you are stronger than me you force me to sit there you force me to sit there ho all right so I only played a part of the clip right there and like um it looks like Carly recorded this in secret but you guys like don't ever ever I don't know when this was recorded I don't know if it was how long it was before the breakup or whatever but you can you can tell like there's talk of like abuse possibly even physical abuse in this and like for any man or woman out there watching this like you don't have to put up with that you do not have to put up with that that's one of the reasons why I'm so hard on Trisha Paytas and Jason Nash because I don't want anybody thinking that's normal like you guys like I've been in abusive relationships like and it's weird for me to talk about it because I'm a guy but I've had women be very verbally emotionally and even physically abusive with me and I stayed in those relationships and one of the reasons looking back on it and going through my own process is because I thought I deserved it like me being who I was especially you know just growing up the way I did with an alcoholic mom and then my addiction like I thought I was a piece of crap so when people were treating me like that I felt that I deserved it so something I tried to do with my channel is try to instill you know some sense of self-worth and self-love and self-compassion like nobody nobody deserves to be treated like that now there was some mutual toxicity between these two and we'll talk about that in a clip that's coming up that's how it was so when he moved in with me it was like really hard and it's not his fault that his mom didn't raise him that way or whatever but it just is really hard to live with someone who is kind of like helpless and expects you to do everything for them he expected his mother to do everything for him and then I think he expected me to do everything for him all right so right here I had to pause it and I was just like oh girl girl girl girl so you guys Carly is a great example and Carly girl I hope you learn from this this is why you don't move in with people too soon what's interesting is that Carly said they waited like five months I've seen people move in a lot a lot faster than this but you guys before you move in with anybody you should have a full picture of who they are all right so Tristan and I my beautiful girlfriend we just moved in together and we've been together for two years two years so throughout those two years she'd been over to my house many times I had been over to her house we kind of got a feel for like how each other live and you know we had this like well rounded picture so when Carly's talking about how she had to like take care of this guy and like she had to remind him to like feed the freaking cats or like clean or whatever it is these are things that should be known about a person before you move in with them like 1000% and my suggestion for Carly or anybody else who's watching this video who has been through a breakup like something I forgot to mention at the beginning like this is a learning experience you guys like so many of us dwell on the past and sometimes we beat ourselves up like why did I say in this bad relationship why did you do that that is not useful to you like something I try to suggest is always stop and we're getting these thoughts or if you're beating yourself up ask yourself is this useful or not useful to me right so we could take these non useful things and turn them into something that's useful so every terrible relationship you've been in is a learning experience so Connor and Carly are both young and like my suggestion for Carly or anyone out there no matter what age you are who's been in a bad relationship use this as a learning experience so I would hope Carly has learned for whenever her next relationship is not to move in with somebody until you have a full picture of that person by the way down in the comments below let me know if you've moved in with a significant other far too soon so I'm doing that and I'm like if you want to be with me just grow up a little and change like I'm trying to start a family with you I'm trying to be married with you but you can't even take care of yourself let alone me or anybody else in the world right here right here like this is why this is why all of you all of you all of us me too we need friends who tell us what we need to hear not what we want to hear right like when I was watching and when Carly said like she wanted to marry this guy and start a family with this guy and like at what point like at what point did that sound like a good idea like it sounds like things were like on the rocks from jump all right like from the beginning one of her posts that she put in the beginning of this was like something from 2017 like where in the where in the relationship do we get to a place where like you know what I can see myself marrying this guy and having kids like absolutely not and that's one of the issues that a lot of us have we get into these bad relationships and then we want to take it to the next step right we want to get married or we want to have kids that's why you need to have people in your life like like Carly like I'm glad that you know she's you know she's cool with me making this video um but like this is what I talked to my friends about like I have so many friends who come to me for relationship advice and they'll come to me and be like hey we're thinking about moving moving in together what do you think da da da da and I just give suggestions people are gonna do whatever the hell they want to do I'm not a fool I know that but like if Carly came to me and she's like yeah I'm thinking about marrying this dude and I'd be like what the hell is wrong with you and here's the thing it's really weird I've mentioned this in a video before I had this weird self-awareness but I just didn't do anything about it and what I mean by that is I would be in terrible relationships with women and I knew how terrible it was I knew that things weren't gonna work out but still I would be thinking about marrying them still I'd be thinking about moving in with them like that is just something that's fascinating and maybe like when I you know as I continue to educate myself on psychology in the mind and you know just whatever it is like I'll understand why that is because those should be clear red flags like things are not gonna work out in the future with this person not even gonna lie I picked up a water bottle and I chucked it at him because I was bawling and I was getting so fresh and he kept mocking me like it's disrespectful to mock someone point blank let alone your girlfriend that is crying it was rude I picked up the water bottle and I threw it at him and honestly I didn't think it would hit him my aim was really bad but I hit him directly in the face and I think that set him off so when that happened he like I don't know what he did but he got really pissed and he went into the room and then I just kept staying in the kitchen and then he tried to come back out and um he kept mocking me again so I ran up to him and then he pushed me and I like fell into a bunch of and he told me I was being dramatic and I was like bro I'm not being dramatic like you just pushed me you're not being dramatic and he did not like punch me or anything like he probably just pushed me because he thought I was going to go attack him because I literally just threw a water bottle at him so that's probably why but he pushed me or whatever and um I know it was wrong to throw a water bottle okay bitches I know you messed up Carly you're done messed up so now I bet you didn't think this but I'm about to drop some neuroscience on all of you so Carly talks about how you know she was trying to save their relationship she was crying Connor was playing Fortnite and then he started mocking her okay and then she ended up throwing a water bottle at him not cool okay Carly not cool that's why you need to read rewire your anger by the way Carly just said do you have an audio version yet and I'm like no so that that is kind of my bad because I know a lot of you are waiting for the audio version of rewire your anger too but anyways I talk about things like that in this book so we need to understand the neuroscience of what's happening all right so Connor was triggering Carly and when I say triggering I don't mean like the typical like triggering I'm talking about the amygdala okay so the amygdala is responsible for fight flight or freeze okay when we feel attacked when we feel like we're in danger even if that's emotionally the fight flight or freeze response goes on so Carly's fight response went on and she threw a water bottle at Connor again not cool in any way shape or form then Connor retaliated because what happened as soon as that water bottle hit Connor his fight fighter feeder uh uh freeze response went off okay so he gets on the offensive too and this is how mutually toxic relationships work okay this is why I tell everybody to just back down to back down and calm down get out of there okay because never never ever ever ever in the history of arguments have you done something terrible to somebody and they said oh you know what that's cool because that's not how human biology works hell that's not even how like animal biology works okay so this is why it's so so so important for us to work on our anger management then you combine this with the fact that Carly and Connor are both very young so you've heard me talk about the prefrontal cortex so this is responsible for impulse control as well as emotional regulation so not only are you getting more angry than you would if you had a fully developed prefrontal cortex but you're more likely to do something dumb because you don't have any impulse control if you combine anger with poor impulse control you get bad situations and this is why I think a lot of toxic relationships happen when people are younger because of that poor impulse control because of that poor emotional regulation again I've told you the way to counteract that especially if you're like I don't well everybody should do it everybody should meditate right by the way you know what screw it Carly I'm calling you out right here right now in this video I told Carly that one of her goals for 2019 needs to be to meditate for five to ten minutes a day and I don't think she has Carly I know you're gonna comment on this video you tell me if I'm wrong you tell me if I'm wrong and you tell everybody your best reason why you don't have time to meditate for five to ten minutes a day all right and by the way this is just public accountability and I want all of you watching this too you tell me your best excuse for why you're not meditating five to ten minutes a day I get a lot of people who ask me like Chris you talk about mindfulness you talk about meditation you guys I have about 700 videos on this channel look it up I've done plenty of videos about meditation I've done videos about mindfulness apps and everything my channel is partnered with the calm app that's down in the description if you want to check that out but there's a ton of apps out there my favorites calm though all right so Carly stop meditating and get your dang emotional regulation and impulse control under control and his ex-girlfriend finds out um and his ex-girlfriend is what I say psycho she is psycho like psycho like he cheats on her all the time and she goes back because she's a dumb ass bitch and she's just dumb like she's known in Windsor for being the crazy ex all right right there is where I'm going to be honest I turned off the video Carly sorry yeah I turned off the video um this is when the video got to a point where you know Carly was defending herself I get it I absolutely get it but when I'm talking to somebody this is for all of you who have friends who are in toxic relationships or they go on you know or you know there's some drama you know or whatever like we got to redirect them like if Carly was sitting like in my office or we were hanging out and she started going off on this thing about you know the person of Windsor and all this other thing you know I'm like okay okay let's dial it back because what I'm always teaching you guys is it's a lot easier to fix you than it is to fix everybody else right because when we start just pointing the fingers and like try to like justify our behaviors and things like that like like I get it like Carly was getting accused of cheating and then people started messaging Carly and all of that stuff but again this is for all of the young people out there who like to party like listen if you want to go party do your thing you just have to understand the consequences that come with it all right not everybody who goes parties has crazy stuff happen but if you constantly go out and party and hang out with party people and people who are doing crazy stuff the more likely it is for crazy stuff to happen to you all right like I am totally cool now like I'm not only am I sober and I'm not telling you that you got to be sober too like I'm a drug addict and alcoholic who's in recovery right but what I'm saying is like my life is chill now I have a blast I have fun I hang out with my cats I hang out with my beautiful girlfriend I hang out with my son I play video games I you know I make youtube videos but like whenever I see stories about this like you know when people go out partying or clubbing and all this crazy stuff happens I'm like girl I do not miss that all right but anyways I was talking to Carly and I and I asked her I said do you feel like you have some closure now and she said yeah and that's good you know one of the chapters in uh rewire your anger is the art of venting and sometimes we got to do that you know for youtuber sometimes is making a public video and I get it because people were invested in your relationship but for all of you like it's about getting closure and moving forward um one thing I will say is in one of Carly's videos or live streams or something she mentioned like yeah maybe later on Connor and I can get together don't do it Carly or anybody out there if you're wondering why go watch the video I made about Erica Costell and spoiled milk and all that stuff all right this was a bad relationship learn from it grow find somebody better stay single for a while if you have to all right but anyways let me know down in the comments below like about how you've gotten over a messy relationship or how you learned let's talk about this how did you learn what it's what is the best lesson you learn from a messy relationship that you were in let's talk about it in the comments below all right but anyways again go follow me on instagram trying to get to 10k please please please I just want to be able to swipe up not even me swipe up I want to allow you to swipe up and get to my videos easier all right anyways that's all I got for this video if you liked this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge huge huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you are all amazing and if you would like to become a patron to get all sorts of extra cool stuff click or tap right there all right thanks again for watching I'll see you next time