Okay, bezal salim u bezal salot, look it up, I'm the tinting abulation of your dawning day. Look that up too, do you know the difference between toxin with a sea and toxin with an X? If you don't, hurry up to Google type the words, learn the meanings. You will be rewarded, you have my word, as the blue former visiting professor of psychology, Sam Bucking, author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited. Today we are going to discuss the narcissist as a social misfit, a failure when it comes to social interactions, social roles, social scripts, functioning in society, socialization process, etc., etc. The narcissist social failure is at the core and the heart of the very important process of collapse. Narcissistic collapse is inexorable, it is intimately intertwined with other phenomena such as narcissistic modification, another example of social inadequacy. Indeed, I've been advocating for many years to consider narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, schizoid, paranoid, etc., to consider these personality disorders as relational disorders of interpersonal communication and interpersonal relations, not disorders of the individual as much as disorders of the ability to relate to other people and interact with them, relational disorders. So today we're going to make use of insights from social learning theory and apply them to the narcissist, his predicament, the conundrum of his existence and his existential condition. I love $10 words, don't you? The only thing I love more than $10 words is $10, but that's because I'm a Jew. Okay, enough with anti-semitism for one video, let's proceed to the topic. But before we do the service announcement, I installed anti-spam filters on my client-facing server. And so the anti-spam filters take out messages from unwanted sources and then delete them directly on the server. So I don't get to see them, it's a delete from server instruction through my email client. So if you don't get a response within 24 hours to a request for counseling that you have sent me by email, that's because your message has been deleted by the anti-spam filter and it's been deleted on the server so I never get to see it. It doesn't end up in my junk folder or spam folder or you name it, it doesn't reach my computer at all. Now I've been assured by my web admin that you should be receiving kind of message telling you that your email has been deleted on the server, but be the case as it may if you haven't received a response. You ask for counseling, you ask for information about my counseling services, schedule counseling, whatever and you haven't received a response in 24 hours. There are two options. Option number one, leave your email address here in the comments. I do not recommend this option. I do not recommend this option. The other option is go to my Instagram, the link is in the description, the description is under the video. So under the video there's a description and the description is a link. Click on the link and then leave me a direct message, a DM on my Instagram account with your email address. So in your message, include your email address and what I will do then, I will white list your email address. I will include it in a white list so that the anti-spam filters allow you through. If you don't then the anti-spam filter may erroneously identify you as a black listed email address, delete your message from the server and I will never ever get to see it in any way, shape or form. You get that? I hope you do because my livelihood depends on it and you do recall how much I love $10 and $10 words. Narcissists, social misfeeds, social freaks, social failures, unable to properly interact with other people partly because they lack the basic equipment. They have only called empathy. They don't have emotional empathy so they are unable to read other people properly, sexual cues and so on. Additionally, they have no access to positive emotions so they interact with other people only via negative emotions, negative effects such as envy or rage. That's not very conducive to a thriving social life and their inability to gauge reality properly, their impaired reality testing, reality is filtered through cognitive distortions such as grandiosity. This inability to embed oneself in reality is again a handicap, an obstacle, an obstruction to being able to interact with other people. In short, narcissists resemble people with autism spectrum disorder to such an extent that autism spectrum disorder is often misdiagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder when it's not the case, only and solely based on social dysfunctions. Before we proceed to social learning theory and what it says about narcissists, I want to read to you something. It's from the book, I hope the camera captures it, it's from the book How Democracies Die, a very interesting book, How Democracies Die, it's authored by Stephen Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt, sorry about that, and page 200 of the book How Democracies Die, there's a quote Daniel Patrick Moynihan, who used to be New York's Democratic senator. In 1993, he was a social scientist by the way, in 1993, he made an observation. Humans have a limited ability to cope with people behaving in ways that depart from shared standards. When unwritten rules are violated over and over, society is of a tendency to define deviancy down, to shift the standard. What once was seen as abnormal becomes normal, says Moynihan. And as Moynihan observed, in the face of widespread deviance, we become overwhelmed and then desensitized. We grow accustomed to what we previously thought to be scandalous. And this explains the rise of narcissism as the bottom is a fad in current modern or post-modern societies around the world. We got used to narcissism. We have become desensitized. In Moynihan's phrase, we have defined deviancy down. We accept what used to be abnormal is the new normal. Social learning theory is the general view that learning is largely or wholly due to modeling, imitation, other types of social interactions. Now what I'm going to do in this video, I'm going to give a brief overview of what we know about social interactions or social functioning and then apply it to the narcissist. So it's going to be a while before I actually get to the narcissist, but it's worth it because I'm going to equip you with tools to understand the narcissist better. Everyone puts an emphasis on the narcissist as an individual. Everyone analyzes the narcissist's mindset. The narcissist's self-states. The narcissist's lack of ego or ego, dysfunctional ego. The narcissist is the narcissist's death, as if the narcissist was some kind of atom totally separated. But here's the problem. Narcissists never make it. They never attain separation from mother. They never become individuals. Narcissism is a failure in separation, individuation. Ironically, narcissists are more enmeshed in society than healthy normal people. Healthy normal people maintain boundaries. Healthy normal people know where they stop and the world begins, where the world seizes and they begin. But narcissists can't tell the difference between external and internal. They internalize the world. They convert external objects to internal objects and they become very dependent on input from the outside. Narcissistic supply from narcissistic supply sources in order to regulate their internal environment. Most notably, their sense of self-worth. This is called external regulation. That's why I keep saying that narcissism is a form of codependency and that narcissists as distinct from psychopaths, narcissists are pro-social. They are communal. They just don't know how to act properly in society and how to take into account the interests and dynamics of the communities they are embedded in. But the psychopath can survive without anyone. Psychopath needs no one. He's a lone wolf. Narcissists cannot survive for five minutes without other people. He needs other people to define him, to provide him with external boundaries because he has never learned to separate and has never become an individual. And so it's ridiculous to discuss pathological narcissism and narcissists in terms of individuals because they are not adults and they are not individuals. They are mommy's boys or girls. They are still tied to mommy's apron strings. They have never let go. Mommy wouldn't let them. Mommy was not a secure base on the one hand, but on the other hand, she did not allow the child to move away to explore the world to develop a sense of core identity. She insisted on merging and fusing with the child, even as a dead mother, an emotionally absent mother, depressed or narcissistic or self-centered or parentifying or instrumentalizing an abusive mother. Even then, the child became an extension, a platform and a playground. So, narcissists can never be fully captured and fully understood unless we study their social interactions or actually lack of social interactions. And here, social learning theory is the main tool. Now, behavior in social learning theory is assumed to be developed and regulated by external stimuli, events that stimulate the individual. For example, the influence of peers. So there's external stimuli. In the case of the narcissist, this would be narcissistic supply. And there is external reinforcement, such as praise or blame or reward, positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. I discussed it in my video on conditioning. Time to mini. Don't ask what I'm drinking.  Okay. So, social learning theory suggests that there are various processes that allow us to be exposed to stimuli, external stimuli, and seek reinforcement, usually positive. And of course, if we fail, negative. This totally encapsulates and permeates and penetrates the narcissist's way of existing, the narcissist's being in the world. The narcissist seeks constantly, addictively external stimuli. He's a junkie of narcissistic supply. On the other hand, he seeks reinforcement. He wants to be told that his false self is anything but false. I'm a genius. Yes, you are a genius. I'm handsome. You're drunken, gorgeous. Okay. Yes, I am talking about myself. Now, social learning theory suggests that there are various mechanisms and processes, modeling, imitation, and others, which we will discuss. We start with modeling. Modeling is by far the most pervasive and powerful means of transmitting patterns of behavior. Observers extract rules and structure underlying the modeled activities. Observers generate new patterns of behavior that conform to these properties, but they go beyond what they have heard and seen. They expand their knowledge and skills, and they don't all the time go through the process of learning by response consequences. In short, modeling is like a launch pad, or even better, a catalyst.  You observe how they react, how they behave, and then you use them as a model. But the model is just a part of it because you super impose on the model who you are, your essence, your identity, your character, your temperament, your personality, and other experiences, life experiences, and so on.  The narcissist has a problem with this because the narcissist does not perceive separateness. The narcissist cannot be modeled. The narcissist cannot enjoy the benefits of modeling. In order to experience modeling, in order to use modeling to shape your behavior, you need to recognize that there is a distinct entity out there, an external object that is your model. Narcissists cannot do this. Narcissists remain stuck in the symbiotic phase. They remain enmeshed, infused, and merged with mommy. We don't use the phrase symbiotic phase anymore, but I love it because I think it captures the essence of what's happening to the narcissist and early childhood. So money and later father cannot be a model, cannot be models. How can you be your own model? If the child is one with a mother, then it is the child who is his or her own model.  No one out there who can serve as a model. The term modeling is associated with the work of Albert Bandua and Julian Rotter. For those of you who want to learn more, and Bandua came up with a variant of social learning theory known as social cognitive theory. It is an extension of the original theory, and it includes the effects of cognitive processes, such as conceptions, judgment, motivation, ideas, even to some extent values and beliefs. Anything that can be translated or is experienced as cognition, as distinct from emotions. Now, there are schools that say that emotions are types of cognition, but put it aside. Cognitions, as we know them classically. Cognitions affect the individual's behavior and the environment that influences the individual. Cognitive processes change not only the individual, but also the environment in which the individual operates and the way this environment acts upon the individual. In other words, the interaction. I refer you to my video on IPAN, Intra-Psychic Activation Model. Also, there were some academic articles published on my new theory. It's a new theory that I came up with and incorporates actually social cognitive theory. Anyhow, coming back to Bandua, so according to Bandua, you don't absorb knowledge passively for environmental inputs. You actively influence the process of learning by interpreting the outcomes of actions. And then this affects the environment. So your actions affect the environment and you learn from this via cognition. You learn how to influence the environment. This leads to what we will later discuss, something called self-efficacy. And so you're not a passive container or a passive recipient or a sponge of knowledge from environmental input. Individuals actively influence their learning by interpreting the outcomes of their actions. And these outcomes, these affect the environment and also personal factors are involved, which ultimately inform and alter subsequent behavior. So it's much more complex than just sitting there and waiting for the environment to tell you what to do. It's much more complex than just observing a model and becoming that model. No, numerous other factors are at play, all of them mediated cognitively. The emphasis on this interaction of behavior, environmental and personal factors is a major, major development, a breakthrough. Julian Rotter, which is an Austrian-born U.S., now, personality psychologist, and another psychologist Walter Mischel, many others, they propose alternatives, but Bandura's work, 1986, is the main social cognitive theory. So to recap, people seek to develop a sense of agency. They seek to exert control over important events in their lives. And this sense is affected by factors such as self-efficacy, outcome expectations, goals, and self-evaluation. I'll define self-efficacy, and then I will apply all this to the narcissist. Self-efficacy, which I keep kept using this phrase in many videos, and people were complaining that, you know, that's not a $10 word, it's $100 word, it's too much. So let me define self-efficacy finally. It's a subjective perception, so it's not an objective thing, it cannot be measured. It's a subjective thing. And it's when you gauge, when you evaluate a phrase, your capability to perform in any given setting or any given environment, and to attain desired results. Again, Albert Bandura came with this idea, and he said it's the primary determinant of emotional and motivational states and behavioral change. He called it perceived self-efficacy. It's more accurate. So you ask yourself, am I able to perform, or to what degree am I able to perform in this environment, in this setting? And what will happen to my performance if I were to be dislocated or relocated to another environment or other settings? Question number one, question number two, can I obtain favorable outcomes, desired results by acting in and on this environment in these settings?  Okay. Again, narcissists are totally disabled when it comes to all these. Totally disabled. Narcissists are passive containers. They are recipients. They are not active. This is why narcissists have an external locus of control and cannot learn. They're incapable of learning. They have an external locus of control because they just sit there and they are totally regulated via and through external inputs, inputs from the outside. Narcissists are passive recipients of inputs from the outside, which then these inputs define them. These inputs regulate them. These inputs motivate them. These inputs modify their behaviors. They're like substrates. They're like platforms. They're like nothing. They're like raw material. And so they are incapable of learning. They're incapable of learning because they are passive absorbers. They're sponges. They don't interpret the outcomes of their actions. They're also highly dissociative. So they fail to see the connection between actions and consequences. They have no personal identity or core or ego, if you wish. So they are no personal factors at play. They don't even have an identity disturbance, like border lines, because they don't have an identity. They're chameleons. Those of you who have watched the wonderful, who've seen the wonderful film, Zellig, Woody Allen's film. Zellig is the perfect reification of what's going on, what goes on inside the narcissist. In short, the narcissist is passive and reactive and static, so he develops an external locus of control. The narcissist justly believes that his life is determined from the outside. If he's so inclined, he develops paranoia. He says, there's a malevolent conspiracy against me. He's the center of attention, center of malign attention. That's also a form of narcissism. So in all these cases, the narcissist perceives himself as a plaything, as a toy, as an object. He self-objectifies and he defines himself through the gaze of other people. Ironically, the narcissist tries to do this to his intimate partners. Everything that happens to the narcissist, the narcissist tries to impose on his intimate partner. He couldn't separate from money. He doesn't want her to separate from him. He has abundant anxiety. He wants her to develop one. He cannot learn. He wants her to not learn. He depends on external inputs for self-regulation. He wants her to become dependent on him. He defines himself through other people's gaze. He wants her to define herself through his gaze as an ideal object, et cetera, et cetera. In short, he wants her to become an extension of him, another narcissist. So narcissists do not learn are incapable of personal growth, development, evolution and learning. They're stuck at an early age. Most narcissists are anywhere between two and nine years old. A nine-year-old narcissist is seriously mature and adult. Most narcissists are two years old. And so it's very difficult to apply social learning theory to narcissists because they don't have most of the requisites. Narcissists also don't feel very self-efficacious. Narcissism is compensatory. Narcissists pretend to be dominant, pretend to be self-efficacious, pretend to be dangerous, pretend to be efficient, pretend to be everything, but actually they're not. This is all make-belief. It's all fake. Fake it till you make it. It's all facade. It's all a compensatory layer intended to hide the reality of shame, inadequacy, anxiety, terror inside. Now, this is true for covert narcissists mostly and for some overt narcissists. And this is one of the main reasons why there's a debate nowadays in the profession whether the only true narcissists are actually covert narcissists. Because overt narcissists, they're less motivated by shame and so on. They feel less inadequate. They're less compensatory. And so they're much closer to psychopaths. Okay, we'll leave this aside. Now, social learning is learning that is facilitated through social interactions with other individuals. This includes local enhancement, emulation, imitation, mimicry. These are the mechanisms involved in social learning. The narcissist is exactly like someone with autism. The autistic, the narcissist has serious difficulties with other people. He's unable to develop long-term relationships, anything from intimate relationships to friendships. He goes through cycles of separation, individuation that push people away and he's subject to approach avoidance, repetition, compulsion. So all the social interactions and so-called pseudo relationships of the narcissist are insufficiently deep, insufficiently intense, and insufficiently prolonged to induce or to be conducive to learning. Narcissists cannot learn from others because they don't have others in their lives. Whoever enters the narcissist life is immediately converted to an internal object which is static, immutable and can teach you nothing. Learning is about change, the observation of change, the experience of change, and the lessons we derive from change. Narcissists don't change, not externally and not internally. Narcissism is a grief reaction, frozen in time. Narcissist is a stalactite or a stalagmite, depending where you come from, and therefore is a fossil, is fossilized. There has been life there once, but it's long gone. For itself is a kind of entity that is all devouring and all consuming because it's very much like a black hole.  Even light cannot escape, only tiny amounts of deadly radiation. So social learning, there are many mechanisms. Local enhancement is the first mechanism. It's when one or more individuals engage in behavior with an object or a particular location. So this draws your attention. You see other people doing something somewhere, it draws your attention to this location or to this object, and then you acquire similar behavior. If they play with the ball, you join the game. If they are all focused on a specific thing in the ground, you join them and look down. So you emulate the behavior, you imitate the behavior because you have been locally enhanced. Your attention has been attracted to a particular place in the environment or to a particular object. It's not specific social interaction. There's no social interaction between the demonstrators, if you wish, and the observer, but it leads to learning. Emulation is a different thing. It's the ability to comprehend the goals of a model. So first, in order to emulate, you need to have a role model. It could be mother, could be father, could be an older brother or sister, sibling, could be your peers, could be a teacher, could be someone from the media or show business or sports, doesn't matter. The ability to comprehend the goals of your model and to engage in similar behavior in order to achieve similar goals, you don't necessarily replicate the actions of the model, but you adopt the values of the model. You adopt the aims and purposes of the model. You adopt what gives the model's life meaning. In short, you enter the same meaning space. You share the same space of meaning with the model and this facilitates social learning. Emulation is not the same as imitation. Immutation is the process of actually copying behaviors. So emulation is sharing the same values, beliefs, goals, aims, purposes and so on and so forth, but not the same actions in emulation. In imitation, you copy the behavior. You copy the actions of another person or group or object and you do it intentionally and sometimes unintentionally or even unconsciously. It's a very basic primitive form of learning and it accounts for, but it accounts for most human skills, gestures, interests, attitudes, role behaviors, social customs, sexual scripts, verbal expressions, they are all the outcomes of imitation which starts very early in life. Some theories, some scholars propose that true imitation requires that an observer is able to take the perspective of the model and that calls for empathy. Immutation actually calls for a rudimentary form of empathy known as reflexive empathy. Later on cognitive and then emotional. These are the three layers of empathy. The narcissist has reflexive empathy. He has cognitive empathy, but he has no emotional empathy. So he has what I call called empathy. Called empathy is cognitive plus reflexive plus cognitive. So according to these scholars, if you don't have empathy, you're unable to put yourself in the model's shoes. You're unable to take the perspective of the model and you are unable to imitate the model, at least not efficiently. So you're unable to learn. It's a debate, it's a disagreement, controversy. Whether true imitation occurs in animals also or whether animals just emulate the actions of others or just attracted to location or we'll leave it aside. In humans, it definitely exists. And it should be again, emulation and imitation should be distinguished from mimicry. Now I have a whole video dedicated to mimicry on this channel because mimicry is the only form of social learning that the narcissist engages in, but he abuses it. He abuses mimicry in order to deceive people, coerce them and then mistreat them, abuse them. So the only mechanism of learning via social interactions available to the narcissist is mimicry and the narcissist thwarts it, corrupts it, disfigures it, deforms it into, weaponizes it into a tool of subjugation, subjection, psychopathic coercion and so on and so forth. Minicry is a form of social learning in which people without conscious awareness or intent automatically copy other people's physical movements, postures, gestures, mannerisms, facial expressions, speech patterns and emotions during personal interactions. This is called behavioral mimicry and it probably arises out of the need to belong or to be affiliated. It facilitates a way to establish rapport with others. The narcissist abuse this. They pretend to be someone they're not. They pretend to be you.  And all this is done via mimicry. I will not go into details. There's a whole video dedicated to it. Watch it. Now, social motive is any motive acquired as a result of interacting with other people. It could be a universal motive, for example, to belong or to be affiliated. It could be culture specific. The need for accomplishments or achievements doesn't matter. When you associate with other people, when you interact with other people, you acquire motives and these motives motivate you to behave in specific ways. There's a breakdown here. There's a problem here with the narcissist as well. The narcissist's only goal, purpose, aim, meaning in life is narcissistic supply. So the narcissist, when he interacts with other people, his only motive is to extract supply and this motivates him to behave in ways that generate or engender supply in sources of supply. This is exceedingly narrow, robotic, constricted. This is why I keep saying that in many, many respects, the narcissist is not a full-fledged human, is much closer to an expert system or a highly specific type of artificial intelligence, not even general intelligence. So narcissists have no social motives except the obtaining of supply and this leads the narcissist inexorably to collapse. I have at least 20 videos on this channel which describe and analyze the various aspects of collapse and so I recommend that you search the channel and find them, but collapse leads to something known as social breakdown syndrome. It is a pattern of symptoms. Originally this breakdown syndrome was observed in institutionalized individuals, individuals in what we call total institutions, in hospitals, mental asylum, the army and so on and so forth. Because they have a chronic mental illness, they would be in prisons, they are denied freedom and older people incapable of moving. Whenever freedom is taken away, capacity is taken away, self-efficacy is reduced, agency is annihilated, independence and autonomy are compromised. Whenever this happens, there's a social breakdown syndrome and the symptoms include withdrawal, apathy, submissiveness, progressive social and vocational incompetence and so on and so forth. I call it the schizoid phase in the narcissistic cycle. Narcissists go through numerous schizoid phases in their lives, following in some cases narcissistic injury, in other cases narcissistic modification and so on so forth. Again, the videos on the channel which describe the schizoid phase.  But now we realize that it is the outcome of internalized negative stereotypes. So when you are sick, you identify with the role of being sick. This is known as labeling theory. When you're a prisoner, you adopt the role of a prisoner. Sartor mentioned it in his famous example of the waiter. He said the waiter is not an authentic person, it's a person playing a waiter. Similarly, narcissism involves a lot of acting based on expectations based on cumulative experience. The narcissist expects certain outcomes from the environment because he has learned, well to the extent that he's capable of learning, he's been conditioned more precisely to expect these outcomes. And so he knows that if he does A, he's going to obtain B. If he acts in a certain way, he's going to get supplied. If he acts in a different way, he's going to be shunned and shamed and ostracized and punished.  I feel good, I feel bad. Psychopaths are exactly the same. In short, what I'm trying to say, and I have said it in earlier videos, pathological narcissism and psychopathy and to a large degree mental illness is role playing. People play roles. Now I'm not talking about schizophrenia, for example, which is a biological foundation, but I'm talking about personality disorders. Personality disorders are play acting. They require thespian skills. That's why people keep saying, he deceived me. I didn't see through him until much later, because there is a consummate skill pretending to be someone else. There is an absence of social support because narcissists are very bad at creating social networks and so on. And there is a in the narcissist's life, there's a lack of stimulation. There's largely an unchanged routine of obtaining supply. The best, similarly, would be a junkie. The narcissist is a junkie, a junkie of narcissistic supply. The drug is narcissistic supply. So it's like a junkie. His life is very structured by the need to obtain supply. His behaviors are constricted, minimal, stereotypical, all geared towards securing supply from sources and from the environment. His expectations are minimal to obtain supply. If he fails, he collapses because he has no alternative resources. He's not resilient. He is not embedded in society. He has no social learning and no social interactions and no social fabric and no social network. And so he falls apart. Narcissists interact with other people to obtain supply. Therefore, all other people are pushers. Are you intimate with your pusher? Not really.   It's in the same with the narcissist. That's why he develops, narcissists develops paranoia, paranoid ideation over the lifetime. By the end of his life, the narcissist is highly paranoid because he has learned that he is incapable of intimacy and securing the loyalty of people around him. The social age of the narcissist, social age is a numerical scale unit. It expresses how mature a person is in terms of his or her interpersonal skills and the ability to fulfill the norms and expectations associated with particular social roles as compared to others of the same chronological age. So we have something called social age. If you are 62 years old, hint hint, and you function very similar to a two year old in terms of social functioning, social roles, social acting, then your social age is two divided by 62. Not a good number, trust me. The social age of a narcissist is always a fraction, a very low fraction. Even when the narcissist reaches very advanced age, socially, as far as social competencies, social skills, social capacities and abilities, the narcissist is stuck at a very early age. So the older he grows, the older he becomes, the smaller the fraction. Social age of a narcissist goes down and that's the only case. In all other people, healthy, normal people, social age goes up and the narcissist goes down because he ages, but he remains the same as far as his social skill is. Social age is similar to mental age. It's derived from ratings gathered from the individual or from parents, caregivers, friends, etc. There's actually a scale. It's called the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scale. It's a group of scales and they give you a picture. If you apply the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales to narcissists, you receive results which are beyond mind-boggling, out of this world. There's something called the social clock. In any given culture, the social clock is the set of norms that govern the ages at which particular life events are expected to occur. At a certain age, you begin school, at a certain age you leave home, then you get married, you have children, you retire, etc. All these are clocked more or less. Of course, the clock changes. We get married nowadays much later. We have children, if at all, much later and so on. The social clock is amenable to change and reflects changing more age, changing values and so on. But with the narcissist, there is no social clock. The social clock is frozen like everything else in the narcissist's life. The narcissist may begin school, he may leave home, he may get married and he may have children. But this is all external. It does not reflect any form of social functioning and definitely doesn't resonate with the narcissist inside. It's again an act, a theater play, a movie, a production. The narcissist does all these things because he's expected to do them. And because doing these things signal to the outside world that he is normal. The narcissist never attains social maturity. It's a level of behavior in accordance with the social standards that are the norm for individuals of a particular age. He never makes it. His social competence is very low. Social competence is the effectiveness or skill in interpersonal relations and social situations. And so it's an important component of mental health. Social competence involves the ability to evaluate social situations and determine what is expected, what is required, how to behave, to recognize the feelings and intentions of others, to select social behaviors that are most appropriate for any given context, to have appropriate effect, not inappropriate effect. It is important to note that what is required and appropriate, of course, changes across cultures and societies and settings and so on, but the narcissist fails. He has zero social competence. He has social deficit. He has an inability, unwillingness sometimes. Poor judgment definitely. In the performance of social activities commensurate with his chronological age, intelligence, physical condition, position. And so this social deficit reduces his ability to obtain social support. And in behavior therapy, we try to deal with social deficits, but behavior therapy has minimal impact on the narcissist because of his massive grandiosity defenses. And so narcissists are doomed. They're doomed to something that amounts almost to social imperception disorder. Yes, it's a clinical term. Social imperception disorder is a condition characterized by a lack of awareness of common social interaction processes and interpersonal behaviors. There's a difficulty in recognizing and understanding other people's feelings and emotions. And this is typical of autism spectrum disorder, end of narcissists. Narcissists are socially maladjusted. They're incapable of developing relationships that satisfy affiliative needs. Constantly, no one is loyal to the narcissist. No one remains faithful. Everyone betrays the narcissist time and again. And he is like shocked and he says, why do people betray me? Why do women cheat on me? Why do my friends stab me in the back and act like snakes in the grass? Well, that's because you didn't engender in them. You didn't foster loyalty, faithfulness, affiliation, and belonging. There's no, there's a lack of social finesse or tact in narcissists. There's a breakdown of the process of maintaining constructive social relationships. Narcissists even fail with basic social roles. Social roles are the set of attitudes and characteristic behaviors expected of an individual who occupies a specific position or performs a particular function in a social context. A spouse, a therapist, a medical doctor, a caregiver. These are functions, social functions. And together with them, there's a social role. You could think of a social role as a manual that tells you how to behave when you are acting in a certain capacity. For example, a teacher. You have like a social role of a teacher. The mental age of the narcissist is very, very low. And so what the narcissist does, he resorts to something known as anchoring. He is unmoored. The narcissist is unmoored. He's floating. He's adrift. He doesn't have a compass. Moral, cognitive, definitely no emotional compass. He cannot direct himself because he doesn't understand people. He doesn't emotionally resonate with them and he has no empathy. It's a terrifying situation like finding yourself on an alien planet with no communication skills and no common language. And so what the narcissist does, he uses anchoring. Anchoring is a value. It's like a number, a reference number, a benchmark. It's a reference point or a benchmark for the narcissist. And it allows him to make judgments, to form opinions, to reach the endpoint of analytical processes. So what he does, he chooses arbitrarily. He chooses something or he chooses someone. And he uses that something or someone is a yardstick or a benchmark. Sometimes this involves idealizing or idolizing the other person or the group or the group or a concept or an ideal or an idea or whatever or a period in history. So this is the anchor. And then the narcissist goes through a process known as social anchoring. He bases his attitudes, values, actions on positions taken by others, usually to an extreme degree. So contrary to psychopaths, psychopaths are defined. They're consummations. They hate authority. They're in your face. They never emulate or imitate others. They never go through social anchoring. Narcissist is exactly the opposite. He's a chameleon. In a way, the narcissist is a people pleaser because pleasing people is a way to extract supply. The narcissist's way of anchoring himself is coercive. So he anchors himself by coercion. In other words, where healthy, normal people may anchor themselves willingly by negotiation in a compromised way, the narcissist would coerce the anchor somehow. So for example, if a healthy person wants to emulate or imitate the behavior of an anchor, the healthy person would approach the anchor, observe the anchor, or somehow affiliate with the anchor, negotiate with the anchor, compromise with the anchor as well. The narcissist would try to take over the anchor, would try to subsume, digest the anchor and mesh with it, fuse and merge with it, but in a coercive way, force the anchor to become a part of the shared fantasy or part of the grandiosity of the narcissist. So anchoring is an inability to make independent judgments, but the narcissist rapes, in a way, the yardsticks or the benchmarks. I mean, rapes metaphorically, the yardstick and benchmarks. He sort of takes over them. There's a hostile takeover. Narcissist is therefore capable of social anchoring, but never of social comparison. Social comparison theory is very interesting. And intuitively, you would say that narcissists compare themselves to other people all the time. They are engaged in virulent and ambitious relative positioning. I am better than, I am more than, I'm the best, I'm the worst, ever. I'm unique, I'm special. This is the outcome of comparison. So we would assume exactly the opposite that narcissists are into social comparison rather than social anchoring, but the truth is exactly, exactly the opposite. So social comparison theory is a proposition that people evaluate their abilities and attitudes in relation to others. It's a process. People choose others and then compare themselves to these other people, and this builds up a self-image that is conducive or helpful to a subjective sense of well-being. So there are three types of social comparison. Upward social comparison, where you compare yourself with someone that you judge to be better than yourself. Downward social comparison, compare yourself with someone you judge to be not as good as you. And lateral social comparison, comparing yourself with your peers, anyone that is considered more or less your equal. Social comparison theory holds that upward comparisons promote a sense of inferiority, and they are associated with negative changes in self-concept, and this is known as the contrast effect. If you compare yourself to someone who is richer than you, more intelligent than you, you're likely to develop envy and your self-esteem is likely to suffer, you're likely to develop a more negative self-image via the contrast effect. That's what the theory says. Studies show that in some cases comparing yourself to people who are your betters, your betters, your superiors, is inspiring and is actually associated with positive changes in self-concept, and this is known as the assimilation effect. And so the narcissist is a problem with social comparison, because the narcissist doesn't have a comparison group, a reference group. This was first described by Leon Festinger in 1954. The narcissist is incapable of putting together in his mind a group of people and then dividing them to these people are better than me, these people are my level, these people are less than me, is incapable of doing this. He's incapable of doing this because he has cognitive distortion known as grandiosity. The narcissist needs to consider everyone as his inferior in order to buttress and support an unrealistic, fantastic, inflated self-image and self-perception as always superior. And of course, if you do this, there's no comparison. You compare yourself to people who are less than you, but it doesn't generate any dynamics.  If everyone is less than you, why would you learn anything from them? Why would you imitate them? Why would you change yourself?  There's no, in short, the narcissist's inability to form a comparison or reference group demotivates him, prevents him from developing motives to learn and to change. There's no inspiration. Narcissist is never inspired. This is why many narcissists resort to self-supply. They inspire themselves. There's no contrast effect and there's no assimilation effect. The contrast effect to remind you is the perception of an intensified or heightened difference between two stimuli or sensations. You juxtapose the two and then one immediately follows the other and you see the difference. So when your judgment shifts away from an anchor, then you compare yourself to the anchor and there's a comparison, a contrast effect. Similarly, an assimilation effect is the effect when participant's judgment shifts towards the anchor after the anchor is introduced. So your judgment is skewed in both cases. In the contrast effect, it pushes your way from the anchor and in the assimilation effect, it pushes you towards the anchor. But the narcissist is incapable of these effects and of this kind of social learning because the narcissist uses the anchor in a highly static way. The narcissist takes over the anchor. The narcissist becomes the anchor. The narcissist coerces the anchor, assimilates, subsumes the anchor. Narcissist wants the anchor dead. Narcissist operates on the death instinct. Watch my video yesterday. So he wants to demobilize, to deanimate, to mummify the anchor. He wants the anchor to become an internal dead object, immutable, utterly controllable. So narcissists don't interact with anchors dynamically. They don't compare themselves to the anchor and then say, okay, I want to be like the anchor, the assimilation effect, or I don't want to be like the anchor, the contrast effect. No, they don't do this. They zero in on an anchor, they home in on an anchor and then they say, I want this anchor dead because only when this anchor vanishes can I become this anchor. It is the effect of malicious envy and narcissistic rivalry. There's a video of me about how covert narcissists envy someone and then they want this someone dead. They want to destroy that someone. Why? Because they want to become this someone. They want to steal the life of this someone. They want to take over this someone's life. They want to take over the anchor's life and become the anchor. And this is impossible. Impossible unless you eliminate the anchor and you should destroy it. So narcissists are incapable of social comparison as a form of learning and they have no reference group and none of these effects. They have no aspirational group and so narcissists have no aspirational group. They've only a dissociative group. I will explain the difference. An aspirational group is a reference group that an individual aspires to join. It's maybe an actual group, maybe an imaginary group. There's interaction, interpersonal structures, professional association, football club, but this a group of individuals, an aggregate of individuals and you want to belong to them. You want to share the similarities. It's a membership, a type of a kind of membership, social body organization that people belong to or want to belong to. Narcissists don't have this because they are unique. They're sui generis. They're one of a kind. They're infinitely superior. They're godlike. They can't have a reference group. They can't have an aspirational group. They can't have a membership group. Everyone is in the dissociative group. It's a group with which one wishes to not be associated, to not belong. Because if the narcissists were to belong to a group, it would have meant that he is like the other members of the group, equal to them. Narcissists are never equal to anyone. Narcissists don't do belonging. They don't do acceptance. They don't do society. They don't do social interaction. They don't do positive emotion. They don't do any of this.  Steal your life. Scavenge. It's a scavenger. It's a parasite. He wants to become you by destroying you.  He wants to become you. And the only way to become you is for you to not be anymore, to disappear.   That's anchoring the narcissist's style. There's no other way. The narcissist knows how to interact with people. If he comes across an intimate part, she becomes the anchor. And he wants to convert her into a totally imaginary figment in his shared fantasy. He wants to denude her of her humanity, separateness, individuality, independence, autonomy, agency, self-efficacy. He wants it dead. The narcissist is focused on death. He reifies the death instinct where all other human beings subsist on libido, on the force of life, on elam vital, on eros. The narcissist is the embodiment of the death instinct. Narcissists is walking, talking death. He spreads death around him. He doesn't have to be physical death. Often he's not. But he kills. He kills people. He kills things. He kills relationships. He kills even his own fantasies. And ultimately, he kills himself. Actually, it all starts by having killed himself. A child exposed to abuse and trauma in early childhood kills himself as a true self. And he's reborn as a narrative, as a piece of fiction. In other words, as a dead object. The narcissist from an early age has rendered himself dead. So as not to experience hurt, shame and pain and rejection. And then proceeds through life as the walking dead. And he infects you with his own death. He introduces you into his cycle of grieving. And you're there shriveling, withering, losing drip by drip and drop by drop.  You're dying together with the narcissist. And he sees it as if he is giving you life. His life. The vampiric sort, I would say.


married couples who regularly engage in phone snubbing, also known as fubbing, have lower marriage satisfaction than couples who do not engage. The description of fubbing is when people cut off conversations with others in real life to talk or text on their phone. I never want to say fubbing intentionally ever again.  This is an annoying thing. And in relationships that aren't going well, annoying things tend to get magnified. The people who also are having problems are more likely to think of the problems than one of the problems could be this kind of phone snubbing that they're talking about.  Exactly. Right. It's going to be exacerbated if that person then is, you know, sometimes looking at the phone during the times where you feel most frustrated.


Happy Halloween friends today is Halloween and I am at the Magic Kingdom. I am so excited I'm actually dressed up as a Tomorrowland cast member very fancy But I'm so excited to see all the other people that are dressed up and just kind of enjoy Halloween at the Magic Kingdom So let's go do this. I love the fact that the park is actually open till 9 o'clock tonight So I'm gonna be able to see those Mickey pumpkins actually glow This is gonna be such an awesome Halloween I wasn't attending on coming here today, and I literally got a reservation just about two hours ago So I said let's go do this. I really didn't even have a costume But I knew that I had the Tomorrowland shirt hanging on my wall. So I'm like, you know what I'm gonna throw it on I'm gonna wear it. I have seen so many amazing costumes already for the night even the ghost toast right there When I was walking in I've seen two different people dressed up as Tiger King. I think that's a very popular outfit this year Can you hear the spooky music in the air? Sounds like we're just in time for a scary cavalcade I think I'm gonna head straight on over to the Haunted Mansion because I want to see what the wait time is You know, that's the most popular ride probably on Halloween There is a really good Sally right there even the face mask That's the way I Remember waiting hours to meet Jack and Sally, but I do want to flex on probably my favorite meeting great and that was Okay, boogie. Seriously. He was literally the best meeting great. I've ever had he was just so himself Haunted Mansion is at a 60 minute wait and something tells me it's not gonna get any better So we're gonna wait until nighttime Because then we can actually enjoy the spooky ambience and wait in line at the same time If you're gonna commit to waiting in a long line I suggest you do when you actually can do it at night because it's so much cooler And it's just a little bit better for me. I feel like I mean if you wanted to do the Haunted Mansion You'd actually have to get in line and Liberty Square Frontier land and basically walk all the way from here to there But wait a second Weird all the water go I'm enjoying the creepy piano Haunted Mansion music right here in the hub This is nice I was a little bit nervous about wearing the cast member shirt because I don't know if Disney lets people dress up as cast members But all the patches are stripped off of it, and I'm not wearing a name tag I do have a name tag as I bought one of those but I thought that would be pushing it too far and also I didn't wear pants. I wore shorts and I don't know I mean I asked somebody when I walked in and they said fine. So I guess I'm okay Space mountain is about a 50 minute wait, which is actually lower than the Haunted Mansion Like I said Haunted Mansion is definitely the most popular ride this evening like and it should be I love how some people have Halloween costumes and their mask actually match the costume right over there is a Winifred and Her mask is actually Winifred's teeth, and I think that's awesome and check out linguine here That is awesome. Did you make that apron? Fantastic and a little Remy on the shoulder. That's really cool. Now you should have something in your hat We'd probably fall out That'd be y'all, but that's excellent Pirates of the Caribbean is a super long line 50 minutes, but it actually goes from like all the way back here all the way back up here almost to jungle cruise and then back down and around and into the actual attraction and Honestly, I know the lines look crazy, but I was expecting way worse. So I'm very happy actually And I found some other cast member friends that is awesome in Disneyland all right Oh Disney World all very fancy. Yes. Thank you guys. You look great. Thank you That family looked fantastic. I actually wish I had a family I would definitely dress us all up as cast members And I think I'm gonna jump on the virtual wait list at the plaza Just so he can sit down and kind of give it some time for it to get a little darker out And I also like this seat here because it's got another beautiful view of the castle And we can take a look at the menu. I already know what I'm getting I always go with the home style meatloaf, but I'm also gonna get myself a good old Bud lights The plaza is a perfect place to duck in have a little bite to eat And then that way we can wait for it to get a little darker out I can't we see the pumpkins light up and then also go wait in line for the haunted mansion But during the spooky time, you know, I mean when they have the fog and they have the lights and the music That's when you want to wait 60 minutes or hot a mansion And just like that, but a big but a boom meatloaf mashed potatoes I got some french fries instead of green beans, but oh boy. I love this take a look at that meatloaf Much too good Oh One of my favorite meals here at the Magic Kingdom. It's just so wholesome Perfect timing it is 613 now 45 minutes until sunset So I guess we can head back out and actually I kind of have a plan of something I want to do That was exactly what I needed just to sit down get some food in my belly And now I'm feeling really good hanging out in the hub Listening to the spooky music and I want to show you the castle because that is awesome Right now the Sun is starting to set and look at how it's kind of like making that color on the castle. I love it So my plan is now that it is 633 and about 20 minutes away from sunset I'll hop in line now because it's probably about an hour and a half wait I don't even know where the end of the line is I think it's literally all the way back here in frontier land But that way by the time we get up to the Haunted Mansion It's gonna be dark the lights will come on and it's gonna be a little bit more spookier. Oh Yes, we found the end of the line right here Well, here we are we are in line. It is 640 Country Bear jamborees right behind me and like I said by the time we actually get up there It's probably gonna be dark down.  I think I've planned this out perfectly and Here we are now we're waiting in line and isn't this just so strange to look at with no water here Man, I love it though. It's kind of cool. It's a little eerie But very interesting. Oh Look it's a hitchhiking ghost right there That is a great costume right there great costume Thank you Wow, this guy's even doing the walk That's awesome great great costume. Look at that. You're even doing the walk So hanging out in line for the Haunted Mansion seems like it's a really good spot to actually see all the people dressed up So it may look like we're actually getting close But we're not anywhere near it because now we're gonna actually have to go back over to where the actual riverboat would be and Go down underneath and then come back up. So we have a little while longer This is what I was talking about now We're heading back down here, and we're gonna have to loop around over here and then come back up This was exactly what I was trying to do. Oh Good stuff If only there was somebody sitting up there greeting people and telling them they look for durable if only I am so happy we waited guys because now we're gonna actually go through the graveyard. I haven't went through here in like months Seriously all this has been closed for months. I mean, I don't know about anybody else But any time I've actually come they put us straight into the stretching portrait room. This is great I'm sure we can't play any instruments though There's master Gracie you guys know it's Gracie's birthday today Oh Here's the answer to my call go. Well, that is it wonderful. Simply wonderful. Oh, maybe not for a hammer Thank you muses. Let's do another Oh That was not that bad this morning the spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seeking at all times As ever That was perfect, you know You can't come to the Magic Kingdom on Halloween and not ride the hot of mansion Like I don't think the last time I actually stood in line like an awaited for like an hour plus long ride It's been a while, but I would wait on Halloween to do that probably two or three hours Look at these guys right here This is you guys actually might win tonight with like the group like I've seen like a lot of groups, but this is really nice Thank you so much Now that it's officially dark out I want to head back out to Main Street or the hub and just kind of stare at the castle in the pumpkins Oh guys, this is so great. I'm so happy. Look at that full moon Look how cool that is and a full moon in the background. Oh This is great. This is what I've been waiting for. I'm loving the atmosphere tonight Just look at that castle. Isn't that beautiful? Oh, and then also the full moon. Oh, this is so this is like a perfect night here I'm sorry if the vlog just seems like it kind of like stalled out there I've been hanging out in the hub. Just listen to the spooky music and watching the pumpkin flicker and just staring at the castle for like I probably say a good like 30 minutes It the parts are gonna close and I think under an hour, but I'm just loving it here I guess I'll start making my way down Main Street and look at those lights Man, I just wish I seen a little fog No matter what we're actually missing this year because of Halloween I'm still happy to be here today. Do you know what I mean? Like regardless like yeah There's no fireworks and no parade and no fog and no uplighting But I'm in magic kingdom on Halloween. I mean no matter what that is awesome I think I'm gonna go in the Starbucks and get myself a pumpkin coffee. Yeah. Oh, what is that? What is this outfit guys? Are you slinky dog? Oh my lord? I love it That is so awesome and look at the sign 300 minutes. This is accurate. You guys won tonight fantastic Please let me know in the comments guys Who do you think had the best costume like of all the people that I've been showing you? I usually stop and I say hey guys do you mind if I put you in the video because I really love their outfits So let's like do a little vote who had the best costume of the night Even if you see them in the background point them out with a time slot. Just let me know I think I'm gonna have to go with the pumpkin cream cold brew Well, here it is Pumpkin cold brew pretty soon. We'll be having some peppermint and Some Christmas reeds on Main Street and take a look at this guys This is Madame Leota and then Elizabeth the bride and they actually never met before this wasn't planned, right?  You guys look fantastic. Awesome job Well you won it's worth it Awesome, thank you guys Happy Halloween and with that I think that's gonna do it for me. Happy Halloween everybody. I had such an amazing time here I can't wait for Christmas to start. I'm sad to see the pumpkin Mickey's go away, but bring on those Christmas reeds I'm happy. So until next time. Hope you enjoyed the video. I enjoyed making it. We'll see you next time. Bye As this magical day comes to an end, we thank you for visiting the Magic Kingdom. From all of us. All of you. Good night Before I go though, tell me if you guys know there's something missing here


Women originally wore high heels to appear more masculine. I don't know how women do this all day. Boy have things changed. It's time to sprinkle a little substance into our beauty routines. By learning the roots of your favorite trends, who history's earliest trendsetters were, and how to rock the looks they inspired. Sheep mass! Before it's over, you'll be asking, can I borrow that? For hundreds of years, high heels were only worn by men. And now the highlights of high heel history in under 60 seconds. High heel shoes made their first appearance on Persian soldiers in the 1500s. They needed to keep their feet locked in their stirrups while riding into battle. But the real king of heels was Louis XIV of France. The 5'4' fashionista sported a chunky heel to give himself a little boost. His heels were always red, a symbol of decadence and power. He even made it illegal for people outside of his court to wear them. Early heels ranged in style. While some were pretty dope, many would definitely be considered a fashion faux pas today. What are those? Fast forward to World War II, when heels made a comeback after disappearing for a few hundred years. Photography was now a thing, which meant so was pornography. The earliest pin-up girls were put in tall, skinny heels, which accentuated their butt and arched out their back. The erotic photos were slapped on postcards that kept World War II soldiers company.  Heels were once very functional, and now they can be downright dangerous. That's why I've invited my good friend Jackie Aina to give me a few pointers. High heels give me like a lot of stress. I think of falling, tumbling, looking like a dummy. If it's my kitten heel, I can wear that every day. Did you just? Nah, kitten heels don't count girl. I brought a couple examples for you. I feel like there's a couple styles that every person should know, right? I would always say the wedge, because you have this solid block, but really it's foolproof. The weight of your body is being evenly distributed all throughout the shoe, so that's what makes it easier to walk in, right? This is your starter shoe, and I always say this is your cheat sheet. Like get comfortable in this, but eventually you're going to have to move on something else. So the next best thing is think of the chunky heel, like an elevated kitten heel. If this is really slim, it means you got a chance at hell. You made one wrong move, you might wobble over, but when the shoe is chunky, it's more stable. Yeah. It's actually way more comfortable, and honestly I feel like I can run errands in these shoes. They're very, I know I'm trying it. Did you hear errands? Well, first of all, my errands are like shopping, but that's beside the point. All of this is good. However, we're avoiding something super important that I and all fellow kitten heel wearers want to know. How do you handle the pain? Do you wax? Yeah. Do you twist your brows? Thread maybe? Yes. You get the occasional cramp, right? Every month. It's painful, but we still go through it. So there's certain shoes that are like your all day shoes, you can run in, and then there are some shoes that are like, okay, this is maybe like, I have to clock maybe like a 30 standing, 30 minutes, and then I'll do an hour of sitting. So there's like your evening shoe, where you know it's a little bit more painful, but it's not meant to be walking down the block, like homegirl from sex. We're not doing all that. Right, so we have to be aware of where we're going. You have to know the shoe that you're wearing and what it's appropriate with. So let's move on to your next shoe. Okay, so the next shoe is going to scare you. I'm not going to lie. Look at it, look, look. I'm not going to look at it. Look, I'm not. This right here, this chunky goodness, we call this a platform. Okay. This is the window to your soul.  I'm really scared. Gnosis. So let's go back to our chunky heel. See how our foot is basically on the ground because there's no cushion here, there's no platform, there's nothing? That means that the incline is going to be steeper. The platform levels out your foot. So that I'm like this. Yes, exactly. So you're actually, your foot is a little bit more parallel to the ground. It's like wearing a running shoe with height. Now it makes sense. The way you describe that, that's a game changer. I know. The more steep your foot is, the more discomfort. Yeah, the more discomfort basically. We're going to now talk about my good friend, the stilettos. So stilettos are really difficult. We talked about them a little bit earlier, but it's all about like how the weight's being distributed.  Yes. But with this, there's a lot less pressure because it's letting some of that foot hang out a little bit. So the foot flap can just come out. The flap. Really? It actually really helps make the shoe a lot more wearable, a lot more comfortable. And even though it's still a stiletto, you have one less thing to worry about. This would be probably like for you, your inside shoe. This is like the wear for 10 minutes. Wear for five ish minutes shoe. Okay. So I feel like I know everything that I need to know about comfort, pain, the different types of heels. I need you to show me how to walk in heels. You're ready to struck her all? I see you've retired the kittens for the evening. It's okay, I got you. How do you feel? Not like I can walk in these. I know, it's a lot. Just do it. Just go. Watch me. Watch me go. But also don't overthink it. Okay. And put your arms down. This is a parasailing. Okay. One thing that all heel wearers also have to adjust to is you don't plant your whole foot down at the same time when you're wearing heels. Okay. You want to go heel, toe, heel, toe. So your heel is first, then your toe. Heel, then your toe. Watch how I'm walking. My heels going first, heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe. It's a very quick process. So you don't really see it when it's happening. Okay. Heel, toe, heel, toe. Oh my God. You're doing it 10 times better. Ready, ready, watch. Okay. Do this again without parasailing. Heel, toe, heel, toe.  Did I look sloppy? No, you didn't look sloppy at all. You looked amazing. We got a command attention. We're only five. Two, sis. Let me tell you something. Once you put these shoes on, you're saying excuse me.  Give it some hip. Okay, okay. I think you did amazing. And I feel like you had a lot of fun.  Which is honestly the number one rule. Like, what would we look like if we all walked around looking like the pain we've experienced in life? Oh, that'd be pretty crappy. Come on, Jackie. Exactly. That applies to so many things. I feel like I can do this. I'm going to show you the shoes I'm going to wear tonight. You'll be so proud. Oh my God. You're already upgraded. Are you ready, girl? Okay. Show me. This is the shoe I'm going to wear tonight. You know what? We done all we discussed this. What's wrong with these shoes? After all, after all, I've taught you. That's still a good shoe. I stand by my choice. I am so happy to have learned a lot about all the different types of shoes. And I want to know, what did you guys learn today? And do you hate or love wearing heels? Let us know down below and keep the conversation going. And thank you so much, Jackie, for teaching me how to rock these heels. Of course.


Next question is from Fabris too, what do you think of straps and grips? I've used them for years, but wonder if I should just build my forearm strength and only lift what I can without them. All right, so this depends who I'm talking to. If you are going to compete in a sport that allows you to use straps, like you're a strong man, and strong men oftentimes will do like these crazy lifts and the competition will allow for straps. Then I'd say you can use them obviously because you need to get good at using them, but for the average person this is my advice. If you can't hold the weight, that means you can't lift it. That's all. So if you can't hold it, then that's your weakest link, and that means you can't lift it. And so people would say to me, well then that's because my back is too strong. My back is too strong for my hands. Okay, our hands are freaking, we evolved to have really strong hands. I mean, we were primates for goodness sakes. If you allow your hands to get stronger, believe me, they will be strong enough to support 99% of the people who are listening right now. Now in the extreme cases where you're like super power, incredible strength or whatever, maybe, but I mean, I've pulled 600 pounds bare hands. Power lifters aren't allowed to use wrist straps. They use alternate grips or hook grips, and they can do it. I say let your hands get strong. I don't know why we're so afraid of this. Yeah, I don't know. Again, I'm probably the most extreme on this. I don't know when it happened. I think it was after training for football for so long, and trying to get numbers and trying to get PRs and things to put on the board and be the strongest guy in the gym and all this, and that meant a lot to me. And I would use a belt and I would use wrist wraps for poles, and at some point, I went to go grip just maybe half the weight in dumbbells, and I could barely even hold on to it for very long. I had no endurance. I had no grip strength, and then just started to work on that specifically, and just basically made it so no aids were at all involved in any one of my lifts. No belts, no straps, no special shoes, no shirts, none of that stuff. What I'm doing is eliminating a component of training that now I don't have to really focus on as much because I'm really, in a sense, I'm just being lazy.  That's ego. And so, I've just been challenging myself. What can I really do? You're not going to know what you can really do unless you address all those things that you're by telling you. So since the beginning of the podcast, I've challenged this the most. So of the three of us, I have probably used the straps the most. I don't right now because I don't see the value in them for where I'm currently at. Where I found value in them was when I was competing. And because a lot of my training was very similar to like Maps Aesthetic where we have foundational days and then we have these focus days where I would be working on specific body parts or even like small muscles in the back, right? And I'm doing a lot of like isolation type exercises. And when I would do that after heavy deadlifting or maybe did something the day before and my arms are weak or sore and that would become a limiting factor to where that would start to give out before the muscle that I was trying to target, I would strap up. And the reason why I would is because the opposite of everything that Sal and Justin just said, I didn't care about strength.  I cared about developing an area that I needed to work on till I could present my physique on stage. And if my forearms were the limiting factor, I don't care. I didn't care about what I should be doing for like overall functional and what makes the most sense for the average person. I cared about not letting my forearms fatigue at all while I could really focus on squeezing and pumping and driving home this muscle that I was trying to work. So I found a lot of value in using straps when training like that. So I do agree with everything that the boys are saying that if you're just a person who's trying to build strength, trying to build, you know, muscle, burn body fat, not a lot of value there, but I do see it for somebody who is that's the 1% right sculpting a physique and has a plan going into that workout and they do not want the forearms to be a limiting factor.  They are targeting a specific area that they want to completely feel it there. That's different. And so I can justify somebody using that. And that's not to say that that person still wouldn't benefit from working on forearm strength. I just didn't care. It took me a year. I used to use wrist straps all the time. And then one day I said, I'm not going to use them anymore. And I could not lift what I lifted. It took me a year, but I did get back to the point where I could then go back to the previous lifts. It took me literally a year of focus. And the other thing is, like, I come from a blue collar family. And in the summers, I would go and work with my dad. And the thing that separated the strong guys from the guys that couldn't handle it was hands. The guys with the strong hands, they could carry the two by fours. They could swing the hammer. They could throw the cement up on the wall or whatever. And the guys with the weak hands, I don't care how big and strong their shoulders and backs and chest and everything else were, if their hands were weak, it was like, doesn't matter. You can't connect to anything. It doesn't matter at all. Then when I got into judo and wrestling and jiu-jitsu, I'm going to tell you right now, you tangle with a guy who's got really strong hands. You can be stronger everywhere else. You're in trouble. He's going to get a coldia and you know it. You feel it. They grab you. And my dad was like that. My dad came and did jiu-jitsu at almost 50.  Do you think his hands were so strong? So then I started to really value that and I got rid of the trap. I think you have to be honest with yourself and just, you know, if you are somebody who can't lift over, you know, 300 pounds without any strap for like deadlift, but you can do 500-something pounds with the straps. That's a huge discrepancy from that. I was never like that. I could still overhand 550 and pull it up bare-handed without straps. I would use it like, for example, one of the areas that I really focused on when I was competing was my rear delts. It was one of the things that separated me. I felt from a lot of my peers. I was really good at training them. And the mechanics on a rear delt fly, for example, is it's really easy to allow traps or other muscles to kick in to overcompensate for the movement. And when I worked myself up to where I could control very controlled rear delt fly with 50-pound dumbbells. Now, you do that controlled as a rear delt fly after your forearms get trashed from that. And then the next thing I know, I'm fighting it with my forearms and I'm not feeling it in my rear delts. So you'd see me strap up on something like that, which is an unusual exercise to do it. But there was logic behind why I was doing it. It wasn't an ego thing of, I need to just show everybody I can do 50-pound dumbbells. No, I worked my rear delt strength up to that. But then if I got that heavy of weight to control that with my forearms, really, really tough, and then I would lose the purpose of why I was doing that exercise. So there's all about the intention.


Oh, this is Griffin Bass from gomustanksports.com. I'm here with Stevenson men's soccer head coach, Graham Millar, after Stevenson's 2-0 win over Marymount. Coach, how does it feel to get that first win? Oh, it feels good. Let's be honest. It's been a long time coming. These guys have played a really tough schedule. Teams that are nationally ranked, teams that are really up there in the regional ranking. So made in mind, it's a good team. And we knew it was going to be tough today. And they play the kind of soccer we play. So always knew it was going to be a tough game. And we're just glad that we put a really solid performance in today. Because sometimes senior day can be a little emotional. But these guys really put a 90 minute performance. And it was a good solid 2-0 and a nice shutout. Yeah, it seems like you guys were pretty domineering on both sides of the ball. You outshot them offensively. And then on defense, you played solid the entire match. Is that kind of what you expected today? Yeah, I mean, that's what we've been putting towards. I mean, you look at the teams we've been playing against, the game against Gettysburg the other night. And it was a really strong performance. And the guys really worked hard. And we keep telling them, we keep preaching them, we've got to be good on both sides of the ball. You can't just be good on offense. We've let in a lot of goals recently. So the fact that we got a shutout today was huge for our program. Gotcha. Joe Nicholson, he continues to make himself a problem for opposing teams coming off the bench. What more can you say about him and maybe how you'll deploy him going on in the future? Well, yeah, Joe Kemen is a center back. He was a center back for his last year. He's found his shooting boots against during the off season. And he just seems to be in the right place at the right time. And that's something that why we've been putting him up top is because he just knows the penalty box well.  Gotcha. One more non-conference matchup before conference play begins. So what does a win like this do for the team before you guys head into conference play? Well, it's more about the performance. You know, the win is obviously great as well. You know, you want to win games as well and get the confidence up. But you can see just how happy these guys are. I mean, they work really hard together. Nobody sees the six days a week, the film sessions, the training sessions where they're driving over here. These guys put a lot of work in. I'm proud of the effort every single day from them. And the results have been coming. The Gettysburg, the Catholic Thai, the Hopkins performance for 70 minutes. This has been coming for a while. And I'm just glad we got to do it on our nice new home field. Gotcha. Congrats, Coach. Good luck. Thank you.


Hello! Welcome to this short video measurement of the PCB antenna input written loss on Vector Network Analyzer. Prepare the measured PCB antenna using a cable with one connector. The antenna usually doesn't have any RF connector because it is connected directly to the RF line. This cable must be soldered with its open end directly to the input port of the antenna. The open end of the cable should be as short as possible and its shielding should be grounded as close as possible to the end of the cable so that the cable doesn't affect the measurement result. But leave the center wire unsoldered for calibration. We assume the VNA is calibrated with standards. If not, do it first. Then connect the measuring cable to single connector ended cable and use wrench to make sure of tightening right. Press offset embed button. Choose the proper port and click on outer length. Now disconnect the measuring cable from the single connector ended cable and solder the middle conductor to the antenna input. Then connect the measuring cable to the antenna again. Set the markers at the plot for reading out the impedance for certain frequencies. We usually set the markers to outer frequencies of the Bluetooth band and in the middle. Press the marker button, select markers and press mark 1. Set the frequency point at 2.4 GHz. Set the marker to 2.45 GHz and marker 3 to 2.5 GHz. You can switch between magnitude of written loss representation to the Smith chart display by rollout menu and button format. Okay, that's all for now. Thank you for watching. Bye.


Any last-minute questions here? Very, very, very sloppy market today. We'll briefly look at that for first second here. Very sloppy market. So technically speaking, we're gapping up. This isn't a gap I go long. It's I basically qualify this as neutral, but technically we are up today slightly. Very interesting because every week for the last I guess it was been four weeks. Yeah I think it's been four weeks of bad economic and really huge massive unemployment numbers and the market is rallied on every one of them, which is which is very strange I don't think that that's going to continue. What do I mean? I mean one of these weeks with huge massive millions of millions of people out of work. The market is gonna fall on that. Again, we're not playing the data anyways. I'm playing the chart, but as far as this goes here look for a really sloppy, sloppy set up here today in this market. So don't look for any traction to the upside of the downside in the market today in the direction. Very sloppy. And I won't be surprised if we fall, but it's not gonna happen this morning. So we're not gonna do anything with this and this has nothing to do with anything. Thanks Kathy. Hope you're doing good. Hope everyone's doing good. I was able to get a food order in. Yay! And I wore a mask for the first time because now they're just giving out like free packs of masks. So I got a second pack. So I'm like, okay, well, I guess I could wear one. And I had it on upside down. I had it on reverse. I'm like, I don't know how to put this on. Which way goes in the front? Which way goes in the back? Because I can't read Chinese because the the master from China and I'm like, I can't read Chinese. So I couldn't read the instructions. There's one person which was the doorman and he had no mask on or gloves. I'm like, okay. Sol the snow you had in upper state New York. Wow, that's that's insane. Actually, I have the air conditioning on here today. So it must be that's a fairly warm out. We definitely have had some crazy weather. All right, so let's focus on what we're doing today. If this doesn't set up, we're not doing anything. If it does, we're going to hit it. Target is 37 and it's very spreading right now. So hopefully that'll tighten up. And dream target on this would be 35. I think it needs a market for that. Yeah, snow in April. I'm trying to think it we've had that probably before in Pennsylvania. I don't know if we've I don't think we've ever had snow in April in New York. But I didn't have much snow this year. Next to no snow this year actually in New York. Would rather have the snow than this insane virus. Okay, here we go. And the spread did tighten up. Okay, so let's let's wait a minute. Let's just wait one second. And we're probably going to fall today. And this is so sloppy. Slop, slop, slop, slop, slop and a chop. Not going to have to do anything with that. All right, let me see here. Okay, nothing, nothing yet. Let's look at this. Should we just short BA again? I don't want to do this as a day trade, but this is lower. I was just, it's just lower. Jackie's like, yes, do it, do it. I'm watching MS and we'll see if this does anything that makes any sense. In fact, I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do with this right now. Here, 3750 by 3815. If that hits 3750 by 3815. I'm giving you both numbers here because I have time to do so. That's what we're going to look for. Actually, we could do 55. Here it's going to hit and get the stop in. And this is, this is actually here. All right, good timing. In fact, let me just double check that. Well, let's say 3825, 3825 stop in MS. If you're in it here, let me write it in the room. MS 3825 stop. And if you're in it, you're in it. And if you're not in it, you could still do it. And actually, this has to go as right right now. If that doesn't go immediately, then we're going to take a stop and we're not going to do anything else and we'll take the one stop today. Very sloppy market. I hope this goes because I don't want to give it any more room and it's got to go like now. So it didn't break 50. If you didn't do it, you could wait till under 50. Again. Well, we could give it, we could give it 38. You want to give it 3830? I really don't think this should matter. Let's give it 3830. Just give it five more cents. Just quickly get it in 3830. This has got to go right now though. This has to go like in the next two minutes, five minutes. It's got to go. If this backs up at all, we're going to get stopped out. It's like a BA. Very sloppy. Fell yesterday. In fact, we'll talk about this because some of you emailed me about this, that BA yesterday. It had a beautiful, beautiful move and I, and you have, and I said before I exited the room, don't be piggers. So as far as things go, especially particularly the options trades, I'm calling so many. You could exit the trains and then you take the new trades. Do you know what I'm saying? Exit the trades the week that they're expiring, then take the new ones. I'm calling so many. You can't forget to book profits in this market. Please, don't forget that's a very, very important part. I know some of you are like, I don't want to miss it if it goes to 120 today. Why? You're not going to because you're, because I'm calling 50 other trades. So you won't miss it. Here, I think this is going to go, but it's not going easily. Goldman was ridiculous yesterday and again, we're waiting for that to fall again too. Well, this is starting to sell off here a little bit today. I'm glad we did not day trade that. We would have been stopped out. Okay, here we are. So MS, just got to get some traction under it. Again, I kind of jumped the gun a little bit. I originally said 50, then I said 55, maybe we should have waited to 50, but it's too late now. If you're in it, you're in it. If you're not in it, wait till 50. So one of these weeks, I don't know when. I don't know what the number has to be for the market to feel negative about the unemployment rate. I read the unemployment claims, 5 million, 6 million, 10 million, 7 million. I don't know, but it makes absolutely no sense. And that's why we just don't trade fundamentals. Because again, you have something that has good earnings and that it falls. You have something that has bad earnings and then it rallies. Like we had the initial rally in one of the banks this week. So you just can't go by that. Am I surprised that we're rallying on these horrible numbers? Yes. Yes, I am. But again, I'm looking at the overall chart when I'm saying that the market is still lower. Excuse me, but one of these times the market is not going to rally when the number is big. I don't know when that is. Could be May, could be June. Who knows? Nobody knows how long this is going to go on. What about the market? Yeah, this is very sloppy though, because we did gap up. So we're not shorting this today. But again, if you're in this stuff I call, you just, you got to hold the conviction. I mean, I've been right about so many things that I know we didn't go along Netflix. And I know we didn't go along Amazon. And I know some of you were salivating about these bullish moves. But we'll have about one billion earnings placed in the next six weeks. So I don't feel any reason to go along for news, which is old. That's that's what these things were. News was Netflix and Amazon and even the Tesla and that other one that Zen trader put in, that's the laboratory. These are just new stuff. That's not normally what we do. I'm not saying I never do a news gap, but in today's world, it's got to be like the most amazing thing I ever saw for me to want to do it. And hindsight's 2020 because I'm telling you I wouldn't have played those bullish gaps.  But it is interesting because some of you do prefer to go long still overnight holding it based on the last two, three years we've had of doing options. And I know it's very difficult for some of you to hold any putts overnight. You still want to go long. And that says a lot also about retail traders in the market. People prefer to go long. We're not investors here though. We're playing the moves. We're playing the moves and we're booking the money and then we're getting out. And that's what that's all that we're looking for. We're playing the momentum. We're not long-term investors saying Amazon is going to continue up and it's great long-term investment, which it is by the stock if you want. But for the trades that we're getting, we're playing momentum. And you can't forget that. This is going nowhere either. All right, let's look at some of these other things. Wow, did anyone stay in the puts in JPM? Wow. Did anyone stay with this trade? You could still be in it. Look at that. That was another nice call. I wish we would have done this today. Look at this. Wells Fargo's falling before Morgan Stanley. All right, here we go. If he didn't do it, do it under 50 MS. Kind of wish we had done Wells Fargo because if we had, we would have been done, done already and done, done, done. And I do think today should be a quick day, a fast day as far as the day trains and tomorrow probably too. In fact, let me look and see what's out for tonight and tomorrow. It's been a good week. Yesterday was a good day. Here we go. Here's MS. Nice call. This day, the 15th, the 16th. Here we go. We just broke 50. Yay, here we go. I'm watching 37 for a number and I might just take it in and take it because it may bounce. So I mean, 37 is the first target. Know that. Not much out tonight. Let's look at tomorrow. Again, the busy week starts next week. PG is tomorrow. What we're going to do tomorrow. I don't know with any of these things. Housing starts to take a turn for the worst. Let's go to the data tomorrow. Yeah, not really anything tomorrow. I don't know what we're doing tomorrow, but this is working. All right, here we go. Hand of the button here to see how it acts at 37. If it bounces, we're out. If it continues to break it, we'll try to get down to 3680, 3675. Another nice call. Sometimes when things get challenging, again, people under pressure can rise to the top and I've wanted to make sure that I'm reading everything and double, double, triple checking myself with every trade we're doing, every time I look at the market, every time, everything. And I've done an outstanding job, if I do say so myself, so we can get one more push down in here into 945. Jackie says, yes, you have. Thank you. A good job holding that JPM deal yesterday, Jackie. No one else answered, so I'm guessing no one is still in this. And again, I think booking profits is essential, but what a nice move. $10 through the strike I called at 99. Beautiful call. All right, so we're in this and we're waiting, but you could have just got out. You could have said, oh, I'm out. Let's look at these things here. Again, sloppy market. Gapped up, dropped, was read. Now trying to rally. Slop City, USA is this market right now, which again just tells me even further, what have I been saying all along? We're lower. You want to do BA again? I don't think it's sitting upright as a day trade, but I'll go look at it. This is a snail. If you've never played this before, this is just how this stock is. It wiggles and jiggles. It's a snail, snail, snail. And I kind of wish we had done this because it wasn't as snaily. I guess we still could do this actually, as we could. You made 9,500 in JPM. Great job, Zen trader. Great job going on fire. So you held that? You held that since today? Or was that yesterday you got out of it? It's fabulous. We're going to do something else today. I think I'd do Wells Fargo here. This is going again. Nah, I'm not going to get crazy. I'm really just going to, I'm just doing so great. I'm just going to situate myself. If you want to do this, you can. You can short WFC if you want, put the stop at 2815 if you want another trade. Or if for some reason you do this and got out, I'm just going to stick with one thing. I'm not going to get nuts. All the options are running unless you get out of some of them. And again, you have to, you can't forget the dates of these expirations. Even though you're like, oh, everything looks amazing. You still have to book profits. Here we are. We're red. All right. Let's talk about the numbers in the spies. Somebody, anybody, you tell me where we're going to fall off a cliff here. We've been talking about it every day. And actually, let's see if anyone listens to me. What did I say yesterday about the market? Go. Anyone? I'm going to look around and see if anything else is up here. What did I say yesterday about the market? When we were down in the morning, what did I say?