Why women belong in the kitchen? We can't be out in the civilisation. Never try, stay in the kitchen. F*** in the kitchen. Raise the kids in the kitchen. Julie Gillard was a Prime Minister and she failed because she's a woman. She should have stayed in the kitchen. Their job is to be in the kitchen.  Dare you profit from her body? You profit from her body and it's not right. Yeah. Welcome to episode number nine of the Mighty and Michael fully actual podcast. We've got a jam-packed episode for you today, right? We've got the lying segment, the great debate makes a return. Bamboozled is back and we're all scared. We've got Crazy Prankle and there's a brand new segment that Matt knows nothing about that we're going to introduce a little bit later on. No. Don't forget the sponsors. Oh, man, we've got sponsors. We've got sponsors. We've got Dream Diaries back. Hang on. There isn't, there's something we can do. Well, no, you can't just start a segment and not tell me. Yep. And I will do a live, my live rendition jingle for it when we get to it. And James said, good luck. And he's like, for the podcast, I'm like, what do you know? And he knew something. So that's happening. There isn't anything. James did not know about this. He said, I'll be okay though. Yeah, it's fine. It's not physical. What have we been up to, man?  We're five weeks out from this boxing fight. Been training hard and just pretty keen for it to be over, to be honest. It's hard training hard on top of normal life. Yeah, it's like, it's pain in the morning. It's like really painful training. Then pain during the day when we film here and then pain again at night. So it's just like a lot of pain.  There's no break. Yeah, there's nothing to really look forward to. There's nothing to live for. So you don't enjoy. There is nothing to live for, man. It's too much.    But man, it's just like too much pain. It's not a sport that's like doesn't hurt that much either. It's not like table tennis, you know? Yeah. Like if we were doing a table tennis comp, I'd be like, okay, I would probably not train that much. Yeah, it's always in the back of your mind.  Like you don't think you're thinking about it, but really there's always that feeling in the back of your mind that we could get knocked out, spark cold in front of 5,000 people. Yeah, it's a big crowd.  Yeah, soon. So quite soon. When and where and how is the question? If you could know, would you know? Pardon?  Like prediction, prediction. Do you have a prediction? And sorry, sorry to cut him before you make a prediction. It's two on two tag team, right? So if Michael walks in or you walk in first and you get unfortunately, you know, knocked out straight away, does Michael then have to step in? I don't know. And then find out. We've got to find out. I ain't got a prediction, but I've got our prediction points. We went on points, but we've got to learn the rules first because like what happens if we knock one of them out? Do we win automatically? Yeah, does that automatically you step out or do you stay in and his partner has to take another? Yeah, that's why there's two. The second dude has to back it up then. Ha! So you could say if like I got knocked out early, you could come back and then knock both of them out and we'd win still. You better not do that. I can see you going in there and then just falling down and then I have to do the whole thing. I just got straight to like, change the submissive. Sorry, sorry.  Laughing as well. I'm sorry. Oh man. Yeah, what could we do that like, what's a cool tactic? You could dance, you know, they dance before they strike. Yeah, yeah, I don't think that works out that well. Sorry, it doesn't. It'd be pretty signature. But yeah, so there's that and we've just been filming our little fucks off we're 12 weeks ahead on the website. Now what do we film last week?  What's come out just now? Which gender has the highest pain threshold? What's, I haven't seen it, but all I hear is somebody, something about cradling. Don't give it away. Don't give it away. No, it's, it's we just, It's already out. Michael may or may not give birth to people that have to sign on it. Should we cut that? No, no, it's all right. Sorry, I sounded free trial in the link in the description. Guys, 21 day free trial. So you can have a look at that video. Also, if you sign up, we are doing a $50,000 giveaway on our website soon. All right.  So if you're signed up, you're in the running, you have a chance to win $50,000. I don't know when exact day we're going to do that giveaway, but in like two months. Man, that's like if you think about that's a lot of money, that's a lot of money for not like that higher numbers of people in the comp. Yeah, like a good chance. Like that's better than a lot of change you've ever had. I'm not in it. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you should. It should be. And yeah, look, it was a I'd say that's up there when Marty plays the character that's in this video. Well, when I had transition, when he transitions to a woman, the character that Marty can play is it's one. Everyone has to see this this girl who I am as a woman, this girl. She is something else to be around. It's not a character. Are you saying that trans people are playing characters? No, that's what it sounds like.  Michael thinks that trans people are all playing characters.  That's what I think. Wow, that's. Wow, because that's what you do. I transitioned. OK, fair and square. OK, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Do you think they're playing Imaginarium? Imagine. Well, I like that word. Also, I've got a bone to pick with you about Germany. I just found out before. How do you? What's number nine in German? Nine. And what's nine? Nine. What's no in German? Nine, nine or nine. OK, there's difference. Now, we it's a little bit closer.  You know what about English? You got you means a female sheep and you. What's with that? I had no idea that. What's the female she didn't have said that means something's gone rotten and it also means take like remove something. I didn't know about the sheep. You've really bamboozled me there. So what's what's with that?  They don't work on the policy. Matt, hey, come on. People don't want to hear the bleepings. We always. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I was just picturing the bleep. Well, look, also, you've got lamb and lamb. I don't even know the way out of my mind. What are they? How do they say Germany? Anyway, Matt's been having some nightmares, some nightmares about at wholesome when you've been sleeping. Yeah. And also the dream diary I read today. It's not good. Oh, no. Things aren't going well in Matt's life. His brains all muddled and fuddled. That's why he's been. Everything's good now. He's being grumpy at work. I'm always grumpy. He's confrontational brown. And he storms down the hallway waiting for someone to keep eye contact with him to challenge him. Have you have you ever seen those motivational Instagram pages? And they're like always walking to the office like you're like the boss. And sometimes I walk in and I'm like, you're fired. They're like head like chin up and shoulder chest down. Spine. I think I'm Daniel Craig as James Bond. What do we film last week? I'm trying to remember. Oh, we mutilated ourselves. Oh, yeah. That was fucked. You lost your slippers down the back and I found them. Thank you. This is a video, Brown. This is good for people who want to sign up as well. We are the art canvases ourselves, our human body for our torso. And then you have to try and damage yourself enough. And then we artistically artistically. And then the next day in art, an actual art guy came in to judge whose body whose body was damaged in the most artistic way. Why?  It's interesting. We're deeply creative beings and we needed an outlet. Well, that's true. I like that sentence. I'm using that.  Oh, my God. Why hasn't it got any stickers on it? Well, read out the things that I should put stickers on my drink. Read out the things that it says on it. Dude, plastics. Why would you buy that? It says seven a.m. Good morning. Nine a.m. Hydrate yourself. Eleven a.m. Remember your goal. One p.m. Keep chugging. Three p.m. Feeling awesome. Five p.m. Don't give up. Seven p.m. Almost finished. Nine p.m. You did it. So two liters is what you need to drink a day. Water bottle is dumb. No, I drink. I still like a leader when I just go for after a workout.  Is that bad? Well, it's BPA free. OK, sorry. Anyway, sponsors. Everyone listening, I need you. I need you to listen to your heart, OK? Put your hand on your chest and you feel that. What? You can't feel you've hubbiting. That's weird. I'm a slighted on your shirt. Sighted on your shirt and put it on your chest. Well, you can't fit. There's something in the way, isn't there? Hair. You can't feel because you're covered in hair.  Go to manscape.com and buy their latest shaver, the Lawnmower 5.0. There's five upgrades of this thing.  You can shave yourself in the shower. You can shave yourself at the pub. You can shave yourself on a boat. And then you can hurl yourself into prostitutes and you will be clean shaven and then you will be able to feel. Really? Feel breast. Feel breast and flap slide across you like a snail. And you will ejaculate. Use our discount code fullyactual20 for 20% off and get that hair off so you can start to feel. Feel. And also limited offer. If you buy one now, you get one free. It's not true and it's also for women. Well, Michael said isn't true. Visit the link in the description. 70% off. Fullyactual20. Fullyactual20 for 20% off. 70% off. Everything's free. It's for two hours only. Everything's free. Just buy it and they will refund you the money. Refund, get a refund. Get a refund. So you get an automatic refund. Do not ask for one. Just get, you'll get an automatic one. If you don't get one, just don't complain. Just man.  Use our, what's the code? Fullyactual20. Sorry. Also for women. I can't stress that enough.  They need it. They need it too. Everyone needs it. It's good to have a shaver. You don't want to be like, well, this. Cousin-ish. Yeah, well, look. I need to use, I need to shave my legs speaking off.  Yikes.  Yeah, that is cousin-ish. It's yucky. Sorry.  You look quite oily. That's you poured water on me, dog. Oh, is that me? Yeah, sorry. Oh, that's what it's good. It's not the spot. Look, yeah.  You would be like, if your leg was brushing up against my body, it'd be tickling. It'd be tickling. It'd be tickle. Anyway, that's manscaped. Thank you. It's time to go green. AG1, baby. Guess what it's time for? It's time for you to start looking after your health. AG1. We found the products just for you.  I'd never leave you without it.  What's going on? Get AG1. It's a powder. It's a daily powder. You put it in your water and you drink it.  And it's going to make you healthy. What? How's that even possible, Marty? I'll tell you how. Well, there, they make the formula better with science and shit, man. It's crazy. It's a monthly subscription. It rocks up on your front door. Use our discount code fully actual. There's a link in the description. You get a free travel bag. So there's no excuse not to be healthy. The guy cured himself. The guy cured himself. It's a limited time offer. It's free for a bit. That last bit is not true, everyone, but it's free, free, free. Click the link in the description. It's free, free, free. Seriously, you look after yourself.  For women and children and pregnant women. I'm going to say it's for everyone. Yeah. That's not confirmed. Do your own research. But my opinion is that you should have it if you're pregnant. It will improve you. Yeah, it makes you feel better. It makes you feel two loads better and you go and win the day. You get a promotion away. You get more responsibility. You're high stress tonight. You want to be healthier, blue eyes. End of day. End of day. End of day. End of days. And that's our sponsors. Are we recording? No.  Don't say that. Don't joke and say that. I feel like we're really close today. Yeah, we're a band. We're having band practice. There ain't a problem that we can't fix. We can do it in the... We're having band practice before this. All right, it's filming now. Matt's the trombone player. What instrument would you be if you were in the band? Percussion. You'd be a drummer? I don't know. I think deep down, like, I liked the drummer but I was good at it. I feel like I might have been a trumpet. Or one of those big, like, the ones that go... I'd be a didgeridoo. When I was in years six and seven, I think I was in brass band for a bit. I did the big bass.  I'm sorry, everyone. It's time for the lying segment. Hit it, Matt. Oh, Matt, look at him looking around like he's lost his kid at the supermarket. Come on, hit it.  We like... Trust us! There's a Mercedes Benz. Not... It's so long. I can't in again... They don't trust us! Oh, there's a Mercedes Benz. Not... Trot! And this is a segment where we just randomly call one of our friends and we lie to them because lying's funny, everyone. Who are you going to call today? No one trusts anything we say anymore. Who are you going to call today? I'm backfiring an emergency one day. I've been in a car accident.   Let's tell someone that we've been in a car accident. No, you did that to me, remember? Oh, really? And I was pretty down. Look, we have an opportunity here. Our mate Jack's no-do. He's back in the country. And I say we give him a little bit of a why. Oh, yeah, tell him you're in a car accident. What should we say? Call him off this phone, his number, and he'll think it's like he won't know who it is. He won't answer it. We can do a new voice or, like, who's a character that we could... I could say that I am... He'll just hang up if you're asking for anything. Yeah, I know. What if I say I'm from body corporate from where he lives and that we've got a few issues with him? Can he come out the front? That's great. Can he come out the front and have a chat? What voice? I've got my shirt off. I'm waiting for you to have a chat.  Yeah, I know. Maybe Matt has to do it. I'm like, what about, like, what's that voice you did for Greg a few weeks back? Oh, you there, Greg. It's just me. It's just Brian here. I'm just working for the body corporate. That's the voice we have to use. He hasn't know that one.  I reckon we give it a crack.  We go big brown.  And then, no, we'll always shoot for the stars. Once the prank has happened, once then when he realizes it's us, we've got to have a lie ready for him after that. So he's two lies in one. Let's say that we are... We're Germany. If we say hope while I'm body corporate, he'll... Just tell him that we're Germany, brother. We're a country. See if he believes it. No, no, we can go bigger. OK, I reckon we tell him that... Hi, mate, it's Brian here from Body Corporate. Look, mate, we've just had a few complaints sent in. I've got it. We tell him that we're at the driving range the other day and a prank went wrong when basically... How can we fucking... It's something at the driving range. We... Oh! If it's too random, he'll be in, like, lie detection mode after this. Brown, he's going to be a very subtle lie.  Matt, what is something to do with Matt? He's been diagnosed with arthritis. He's not going to care. That's not one he'll worry about. You need something bad. Damn, this is tricky. Why can't I think of one? We're mules. We're mules. Yeah, we are. We probably wear mules. Bro, seriously, we're mules now.  We're German mules. Oh, mate, it's just Brian here. I'm just started at the Body Corporate. Do you have a second to have a chat about your place of residence? Oh. Oh! Tell him that I dislocate... Oh, it's too hard to lie. He'll pick it. Look, I reckon we just go for Brian. OK, we'd be good to have a backup. If we can think of one on the fly, if we can think of one on the fly, that would be nice. Why don't we just throw the same... OK, this will be funny for, like, tell him to take... Oh, wait, I've got it. This will be funny for old-time's sake, OK? Memory Lane, we tell him the same lie that he got really excited about once, back a couple of seasons ago, where we told him that we're going... We're hiring a camper van and we're going camping for a couple of days. Are you down to join us? Oh, and you could start with... Remember when he lied to you about that camper van? I think we're actually going to do it. Yes.  You lead that once Brian's finished with him. Here we go. Hello? Hi, mate. It's just Brian here from Body Corporate. I've just started. Look, mate, we've had a few complaints sent in. Do you have a second to chat? Yeah, a few complaints. I've just got back from overseas from the last four months. Yeah, mate. Yeah, so the complaints happened over the last couple of weeks. Is there a dog at the residence at all? No, there's not. No? Well, we've had reports of barking and a dog running out on the streets. And there's actually... There's some kind of a blue staffy, we believe, is in your possession. Is that right? Nope. Yeah, right. So you're saying that all your neighbours are lying, mate? 100%. Come round to my house, knock on my door right now. There's literally no dog here. How do I know you just haven't moved it for the time being, mate? Do you know what I mean? I don't believe that the residence there would just be making things up. Do you know what I mean? Is that Marty? I knew he'd pick it. I was like... I was a few seconds away from calling him a f***ing... Dude, I was hoping he'd f***ing blow up in the f***ing sense. He was getting there, right? Bro, I was getting very close to f***ing... We just had him... I reckon, yeah, the voice came. I was like, yeah, you know what I mean? I must go all straight into it. Are you filming people? Oh, man, you've got no idea how close I want to just come to my arms. God damn it, man. Oh, you s***! You're... I don't know why my gut... Like, my gut vibe was like, nah, this has got to be somebody else, because these f***ing never called me. Oh, true. But sometimes it's hard to read my gut as well, because my gut's always full of f***ing f***ing. I love how you answered questions with, nope, but just straight one more. So is it attitude? Like, straight away? Like, f*** you.  We're going to come and see you soon. Well, it was funny, though, because I was being honest, because I've not had Jackson years. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was just trying to... I couldn't think of anything, so I was just, like, going to say... No, it was f***ing close, because, like, Jack does still come here a fair bit. It's just not, like, long at all. I was just, like... I've been overseas, you f***ing s***. I was just f***ing screaming at the guy. Damn! OK, look, we were close. We were close. Oh, anyway, sorry to... You were very close. ...waste your time there, Jack. Dude, are you keen we're going to go... You better talk to him or s***. It's a hundred percent he is. I couldn't. I think I brought back a new strain of COVID-19. Oh, yeah!  Well, I ate whale in Iceland, and I've been six since I ate the whale. Dude, your trip sounds f***ing... It's hectic, you s***. We're going to have to get you on the f***ing party. Have a f***ing chat about it. We're getting off track, but you have a bloody lovely week, and, yeah, we'll come and catch up soon. I started f***ing sweating out of anger just before. Oh, man, so close. All right, boys, I'll let you get back and do it off track. See you, baby. See you, Jackson. See you later, baby. What are you? Yeah. And that's the lying segment, everybody. We were so close. Yeah, we nearly had him. The only bit I thought it got me was, like, when you launched straight into it without even giving a, oh, hey, I'm so-and-so from Body Corporate. Yeah, I didn't... Because I don't know the details. I don't know the name of the Body Corporate. I don't even know the suburb where he lives. Who used to go, oh, hey, I'm so-and-so from this place, and they go, hey, how are you today? And you go, I'm good, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was pretty good. It's just you could hear the voice come out. It's hard to put a voice on. Yeah, towards the end, yeah. Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's because Greg did the same thing. He picked it after a couple of minutes. I might have to brush up on my customer service in German and do some talking. Information. Can I help you? Can I help you? Yes. All right, guys, let's keep that train moving right along to Laftown. And right now, we've got Matt's Dream Diary.   I don't have a one for Dream Diary. We'll make one up, Brown.  Dreams, dreams, I've got dreams. Keep going, Matt. Sorry. It's a good start. Dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream. Brown's dreams. Ah, fucked. All right, and this is a segment where Matt Brown, he remembers his dreams and he writes them in the Brown Dream Diary, right? In hopes that someone will one day be able to interpret what they mean because he's so confused and all the passion's gone out of his life. He doesn't want to do anything. He just wants to lie down and he's got depression and PTSD and he's horny all the time and he can't sleep properly.  And he's really, really struggling. And then he finally falls asleep and he has these intense realistic dreams and he has no idea what happened. He has a girlfriend too. He has a girlfriend now. Look at him, yeah, playing with his water bottle. Mmm. BPA free. All right. Matt's most recent dream. My dream gave me a panic attack last night. I felt so out of control that I vomited in my lap. My girlfriend was not impressed. My dreams started as I was holding my sweet mother's hands. She was leading me towards a building. I was unsteady on my feet and looked down at my body and saw that I was wearing a nappy and nothing else. I had my adult body but moved and felt like a toddler. Mum looked back at me and gave me a warm smile. I stared at her tits and smiled back. I looked up at the building and saw the words Daycare Centre written on it. We entered the building and I became nervous. Mum started speaking to one of the ladies that worked there. I looked around and saw very young children and babies playing with toys being tended to by the daycare staff. This place didn't seem to burn. My mum finished a conversation with the lady and turned to me. I have to go now, sweetie. But daddy will pick you up in a few hours, okay? I didn't want mum to leave but no sentences came out of my mouth. All I could musta was a mama, mama. It's okay, sweetie poo. You'll have a great time here. Try and make some friends, okay? Mum leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I savoured the taste and kissed her back. She pulled away. Bye-bye, Maddie. Mama. No, mama. It's okay. Have fun, okay? Mummy loves you. Mum walked out and one of the staff walked over to me. Come on, Maddie. I'll take you to meet some of the other kids. I nodded and the lady led me to the play area. I sat down with the other kids and felt a bit more relaxed.    The smell immediately filled the room.  I giggled some more and noticed a cool-looking toy truck to my left. My eyes lit up and I grabbed it. I started playing with it, pushing it along the ground. Beep, beep. Run, run, run. Suddenly a baby crawled over to me. It was its hand on the truck I was playing with. Mine, I said loudly. Mine. Said the baby. The baby grabbed and started pulling the truck away from me. I jerked the truck away from the baby violently. Mine! The baby slung forwards and face-planted into the ground. It started screaming and crying. Matthew down! We have to learn to share! Said one of the staff. My truck! I stood and got in the staff member's face. I towered over her. I dare she tell me to share. I couldn't control my anger. My truck! Matthew down!   I can't let her tell my father about my behaviour. I pegged to my truck at her as hard as I could. It slammed into the back of her head and her body went limp and slumped onto the ground. She was knocked out cold. The other kids started crying and became fearful of me. My truck! There was a baby cowering away from me to my left. It's ankle and with all my might I slung it towards the window. It spun through the air and the glass shattered as the baby flew out of view. The staff were all screaming for help and some even started crying. I'd fully lost control. I stomped on another toddler close to me and grabbed another two babies and smashed their heads together repeatedly. My truck! My truck! The whole daycare centre was in panic mode and some of the male staff ran over to restrain me. They tackled me and during the struggle my nappy slipped off. I was now fully naked.  My truck! I screamed into one of their faces and he let me go. I fought the other man off and continued my rampage. I saw one of the older female staff members urgently speaking to someone on the phone.   I loaned her up and was going to slam into her as hard as I could. She dropped the phone and began covering herself bracing for impact from me. Just as I was about to lunge at her, a policeman entered the building.  The first bullet pierced through my cheek and I felt it explode at the back of my skull. I was dead instantly. Then I woke up screaming, My truck! And vomited.  And why were all my nightmares wet dreams? Dude, imagine throwing a plastic truck at someone's head so hard that it knocks them out and they go limp in the air. Oh, man. Do you have any memories of daycare? I didn't go to daycare. Yeah, you wouldn't have.  Oh, did you not go to daycare? Wow. What was kindy like? You're just German.  And I didn't like the toilets because it was too... There's not private enough. So I would often hold it and sometimes piss myself because I didn't want to go to the toilet with all these other children and being able to look at me. Could you always see a big wall? When you were zero to three before you came to Australia? Berlin. I thought I was in Berlin. Also, what's a story that you remember from kindy earliest? The first day I ever got dropped off. Really?   I'm not getting ripped away. Wow, and then they eventually got me away and then the teacher took me to the corner and then she taught me my first English word and it was frog. No way! You've told us so before. Dude, that's so weird.  That's why you get upset when I call you frog. Yeah, it really cuts me. Brings me back to that moment. That's so... wow. You've told me that before but I've forgotten. That is insane dude. I don't remember my first day. Do you? Not the first. I can't remember. Must have been nice. I do remember kids were so dominant at all the things to play with. Especially girls would be always dominant like the boss. The red-headed girl? Nah, that was year two. Dominant over Matt? Nah. It was just like a... It was like everyone was like all for themselves so no one was her friend.   I could never sleep. I'd always be like what are we doing? We're all just lying here. I don't remember that. That was the only time I could get to any of the toys is because people would run out of energy and fall asleep and I'd be like yeah it's my time. Not even the sad little boy in the corner. Not saying anything just pointing to toys but then other kids push him out of the way and grab him.   Behind the shed. I would take kids to behind the shed and then feed them these little like nuts that would fall from trees.  Whatever they call it. Why would you do that with other people? I used to swallow them and then teach the kids how to swallow them.  Yeah like gum nuts. You know the little gum seeds? Did they choke? No you can swallow them. I don't think you can digest them probably.  I remember that.  It was just mum dropping me off in all these strangers and none of them spoke any German.  That would have been so scary dude.  So they just started talking English at you. What did you just hear? Frog. Putting it in a picture. Sorry from then on that that was frog. Frog. That's why you hate being called a frog.   Man that would be traumatic. Did you ever have to like you know when like a kid first came to school when you were really young and like did any teacher ever like put you them with you and like oh this is so and so can you take care of them until the the first? There was only 15 people in my class and I'd always forget to tell them what when the bells meant and where to go. I remember like they'd I'd go yeah I'll be back in a sec if you hear the bell just go to the class and I thought I never I never told them that so the bell would go and they'd just keep walking around the school and I'd go to class and then I'd realise I've like forgot about them.  Matt was the kid that they gave the new kids to like you know really really sensible like like quiet nice kid. You know that the teacher trusts you to like just be like teaching them the good ways apart from forgetting them when they're out after lunch. The teacher never would have given me a new kid to look after because in you that I would corrupt them or something like that I'm not sure man you guys probably don't know this but I was school captain primary school captain.   Yeah he was you were school captain who voted that the kids or the teachers all the kids in the year weren't you sports captain? Yeah I never went for school captain that was suicide.  Yeah primary school was fun because it just nothing mattered.    Dude it was like now all the days go like bang bang back to work back to working all the time stress you would literally have time and you'd be like what am I going to do today you'd get bored.    Were they older? Okay that was so much. Those poor girls also well that's intense surely that's not going to stay we'll see.  Not up anyway. Yeah there's different days back then Campbell it's time Berlin it's time for the segment that you've all been waiting for everyone right after this bong break bong break bong break bong bong break bong break the great debate will return with bam boozled. Oh wow the great debate between mates this is the great debate me yeah that's good okay this is a segment where Michael and Matt go head to head and debate the shit out of each other now it must be said and it must be remembered that the boys the opinions that are about to express are not actually their own personal opinions they're trying to win the debate for a laugh okay it's not true it's all a joke if you're easily offended please move on skip to the next segment because if you are easily offended you will be offended by this segment okay and remember this is not true we don't think these things okay maybe skip to like fussy little boys alright let's figure out who's for the argument and who's against the first and then I'll tell you what the argument is today alright Michael you need to pick right or left pocket oh I don't like that Michael that scares me why?   Yeah dude, they're coming back It's really like hurt Did he get the top of the head? It hit the bottom of him Oh my god It's time for the voicemail segment Hit it, Brown Here we go, look at him searching around Scanning the playground for weaklings For strays You call them different names Bring it with your ring And there's a segment where we play the voicemails And text and cheer you guys send us If you wanna call us or leave us a voicemail Or send us a text, please call us on 04 666 02 303 And wait for the voicemail And sometimes we answer the phone So if you hear someone answer, it's us So talk to us A lot of people just hanging up straight away Yeah, I message back Some people have sent Like I obviously can't show you guys But I'll tell you about it They've sent some pretty hectic shit Obviously we had the ping pong ball Going over the foreskin Did someone do that? Someone actually got that done Two thirds, two thirds Which is pretty cool Yeah, that's pretty cool Was there an apple in the bull sack? Did that happen?       You're pouring Matt down a building mate Here we go Sorry Matt The person you are calling Is not available That's a good sign She's obviously disconnecting from him And his mate What should we ask Should we just ask him for her?  Get your f*** out Matt No Oh come on I've got a folder actually of Matt I've got to airdrop you one Alright we're going to send Bailey A photo of Matt's And call him And double check That he's still broken up with her I was joking about the folder I thought you did I was like holy s*** Alright Hello Bailey How are you dude? I'm very well How are you? Yeah not too bad We just tried to get through to Emily And the f***ing She wouldn't even f***ing ring I told you I've broken up with her Yeah I know We just Double checking We weren't checking We just wanted to tell her That she's f***ing missed that boat F*** Well she emailed me Because I've got a block on everything And she said they've been trying to call me So I was popping her out Alright well that's good Look Look we just thought we'd call touch base Make sure you're still broken up with her And maybe you can chuck us a bender story Yeah I've got one Yes Alright so We're like We're probably 16 My mate, my old mate just turned 17 And we're out at this party right And then Like we're all off our heads On a day two special And we're at this party and then It got out of control And then like The dad come back Cancelled the party And then all these police got involved And then My mate like Had a zany And you know when you forget When you have a zany Yeah Didn't know what he was doing So He was yelling at the coppers And we're like Because we're all underage drinking And we're like f*** We don't get caught So we're like So we're like looking at it from the distance Going like what are you f***ing doing F***ing guys And he starts He starts a This is only 17th birthday So he starts abusing the copper And then we just say our best mate Just get tazed by a copper So we sort of just looked at him And thought oh f*** You're on your own here He's so f***ing good I would love to watch him as he's tazed We just started running And then like We're in the We're in the fields like f***ing Ducking And dodging these cop lights And then shooting And I'm in these cops Sorry Were they shooting at you?  Oh my god That is so true Bailey Holy sh** I couldn't leave you there Emily has no idea what she's lost COD That's not Oh f*** well I wouldn't be I wouldn't be breaking her out of anywhere If Emily If Emily had taken a zany You would be nowhere near her She'd be left over to the folks New state Oh man Bailey where did you grow up? Where did this all take place? Oh poor McCoy Wow Okay I was just curious Just past Newcastle AKA Zeniville Did you think it was Palm Beach?


Live from Dublin, Ireland, it's theCUBE, covering Hadoop Summit Europe 2016, brought to you by Hortonworks. Now, your host, Dave Vellante. Welcome back to Dublin, everybody. This is theCUBE, this is Dave Vellante. We're here live, the home of Guinness, Dublin, Ireland, Hortonworks, Hadoop Summit 2016. About 1,400 people here today. He heard the keynotes this morning. There've been two days of, essentially, a lot of developers coming in, getting training. Only about 10% of the audience here we learned this morning are kind of new to Hadoop. The vast majority had either a spectrum of tire kickers all the way to full production, running their companies on Hadoop. So to talk about some of that, Joshua Woodward is here. He's the head of developer relations at Hortonworks. Joshua, thanks for taking some time and coming to theCUBE. Thanks for having me. So I presume you were here the first two days, right? Those are your peeps, right? And now the, not many suit and ties here except for me, but the business people sort of roll in now, the marketing people. So what were the first two days of Hadoop Summit, Dublin-like? We had some training days for partners and developers. Last night we held four meetups for the community. So we had great attendance on that. And then lots of crash courses, getting the intro people, the entry level people involved. So talk about the developer relations programs at Hortonworks, your role, what the key message is. I mean, everybody has a land grab for developers, right? So what's your message? What's your key differentiator? Yeah, we want to reach out to the community and we have several ways of doing that. We have a platform called Hortonworks Community Connection, which is a question and answer hub. There's some tutorials and guides on there on how to do stuff, getting started with Hadoop. But the nice thing about it is our engineers are involved in it, Apache committers are involved in it. So the community can go and ask questions and get answers from the experts. So how long has that been around? We launched that roughly four to six months ago. It's pretty new, but it's very active now. So how do you measure it? Just inquiries and gestures? Analytics, right? Data, big data. What's the data side Joshua? So we have like 140,000 unique visitors per month. So there's definitely a lot of traction and that's steadily increasing every quarter. So essentially your job is to, at least part of your job is to get that community engagement going. Yeah, and then so we do that as well through meetups. So a lot of face-to-face events and reaching out to communities all over the world. We have our own meetup program called Future of Data Meetups. And they're in Dublin, London, Paris, all over the States, South America, Australia, so. And these are like local chapters that sort of organizes? You don't go to every one, do you? No, none yet. I probably will. You'd like to? But we have local organizers and we get them to, they're roughly two to three hour meetings with very technical content. A lot of the presenters are committers or want to be committers to projects. They've done, they're heavily involved in the open source projects. And so how do people get involved? Does anybody go to the website and just start participating or? Yeah, so. Sorry, what is the website by the way? Community.hortonworks.com. Okay. You can log in, you can sign in through that. There's really cool features like recognition. So we have like levels of your contribution. So you can become a guru and be recognized as a guru of Hadoop and all the other projects and get that up. You know, it's kind of like gamification, right? So different levels of. Yeah, you got a leaderboard. Yeah. I go in there, I see featured sort of projects, I guess. So you've sort of grouped them. This is great. You got analytics and Spark. You got governance and life cycle, data ingestion and streaming. And then beneath those, you've got specific projects. Nifi, Scoop, Kafka, Hive, whatever. Yeah. And they're all categorized by topic and they're really easy to find information. And then we just opened up a new cybersecurity track and that's really big right now with the announcement of Metron and stuff like that. Right, Ranger, Kerberos, Hive. Excellent. So okay, so that's nice taxonomy. People go in, click on what they're interested in and then dive in. Yeah, and it's great because you can get, it's not just like Hortonworks questions, right? So any distro, feel free to ask a question and we can help you out. And we want it to be a place where anybody can get an answer. So take us inside the mindset of today's big data developer. What's he or she like? What's the persona? That's a hard question to answer. Because there's so many. Yeah, every developer is different. What's the spectrum? And what do they care about? What's their, obviously they care about coding, but what do they care about from the sense of what they want to get from the community? I mean, why are they there? Answers, right? So they have problems and we want to try and provide solutions to those problems. Anything from like, how do I install Spark or how do I install HBaser to advanced questions? Like, you know, I have 50 nodes and this one goes down, what do I do? So it's from intro to advanced. Okay, so they got different answers and then what about, I mean, obviously they want education, training. How do they get that? They come to events like this. Yeah. Presumably there's a cost, they got to pay to get training. Although they can collaborate with other community members. Yeah, so it's bringing the community together and anyone can ask a question, anyone can answer it. It gives them a direct contact to the actual engineers writing the software, right? So you can get a real good answer because it's the person who created the product. So what kind of tooling do you use in the community? It's really this website and the features of the website, forums, a leaderboard. So the community, I can follow people. The community connection is, you know, the large scale outreach, right? We can reach lots of people on the web and then we do the face-to-face meetups. We try to hold those once a month in every city and that's where you can actually go and meet and talk to people and ask the questions in person. Okay, now, so you said you've got meetups and you named a bunch of cities but can you quantify like how many places you do meetups and how that's growing? What's the roadmap look like? Yeah, so right now we have 32 meetups in the various cities. We hope to get to like 100 meetups. We're looking for community people that want to start these meetups. So yeah, so they can reach out to me and I run that program, reach out to me and tell me that you're interested. How do they get in touch with you? So Jay Woodward at portandworks.com or send me a tweet or whatever. And your tweet is at underscore Woodward? Under score, underscore. At double underscore Woodward. Little play on construct. Okay, cool little developer geek syntax. Very good, excellent. What's the one thing, one message that you want the developer community to take away from your initiative and this whole project? That we're here to help. So if you have problems, we want to answer your, if you have a question, we want to get you an answer. And on average the questions are answered within an hour. We have lots of people subscribe to the different tracks and they get notifications and so you send out an email or you send out a question and it's going to get answered fairly soon. Do you model, when you started this, did you have background in this? Did you model after other developer programs? Did you look like, talk to Microsoft, see how they did it in the 90s and what you wanted to change? Or you look at competitors, how'd you go about that? So our question and answer hub is a similar model to Stack Overflow. So you ask a question and the community responds and you can upvote a question or an answer and you get reputation points and stuff like that as far as that's concerned. And then meetups, there's a huge developer meetup community from, no matter what the technology is, JavaScript, Docker, stuff like that. And my background, I've been doing it for seven years hosting meetups and stuff like that. So I kind of have that experience and I'm bringing that to Hortonworks and we're expanding on that. So what, for instance, you'll parachute into a Spark users group, meetup and maybe speak. Hand out, you know, Joczki in the cards. Yeah, yeah, I got stickers. You want stickers? Yeah, yeah, give me stickers, definitely. All right, cool. Community connection. Yes. HCC. Yeah. Okay, cool. Nice, so I got this sticker. Yeah. All right, I got the website on there. I passed out stickers and t-shirts, that's pretty much my job. Okay. And then I orchestrate, you know, speakers and venues and setting up the location. So just a lot of eating glass. Yeah. Great, excellent. So I guess the last question, what do you see when we're here in Europe, generally Europe, but specifically here in Dublin, you got groups here. Do you discern major differences in Europe from what you see in the US? Is it pretty much ubiquitous? In terms of the developer type of developer, the profiles? No, they're very similar. I think developers all over the world are very similar. They all like cats. There's a lot of cats. Cats, t-shirts, hoodies, little bit of ink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, excellent. Joshua, thanks very much for coming on theCUBE. Congratulations on your success. Thank you. Looks like you've been at it for seven years now. And your experience has really started to pay off for just a few months with Hortonworks, so congratulations. Thanks. All right, keep it right there. We'll be back from Dublin, Ireland with our next guest. Right after this, this is theCUBE. We'll be right back.


This is Nate Adams of Energy Smart Home Performance, and I want to show you what's underneath here. This old piece of, that's a balsam wood, it's called, it's actually kind of like cellulose, but note this board coming across the ceiling here. The fact that this insulation was not in contact with that basically makes it not work. So it's really important that insulation is touching what it's supposed to insulate. Imagine wearing a coat and having it be two or three inches off your body, so the air and wind could just blow up right underneath that and make it cold. That's basically what goes on here, which is why I tend to like either blown insulation or what this is going to get today is actually spray foam, because we got some crazy stuff going on up here. This is just a complicated thing that's just difficult to deal with, so we're pulling some roof off and going to foam it and move on with life.


Next is accumulated depreciation, so now that is something that will track on the sub ledgers again But this is the beginning balance. I'm going to go over here This is this is how much we've we've decreased the asset by to allocate the expense to the period Applicable, let's see if they have one. It should be also a fixed asset account So we doesn't look like they have one called Accumulated depreciation So I'm gonna add it. I'm gonna say let's just add a new one New and this is that notice the method. I'm using if they have an account. That's close I'm gonna use it if they don't Then then I'm gonna make that's when I'm gonna make my own account, right? And so I'm gonna say this is gonna be saved under And they changed it they've changed this kind of layout up a little bit So you might not be it takes a little bit to get used to hopefully it'll be a kind of an easier layout It's kind of nice.  I'm not concerned with the same reason I talked about before because oftentimes We're just gonna generate the financial statements to make the tax return if you can export it directly to a software That would be great. I haven't seen it work perfectly Or better than just entering it into the software thus far So I might test it out again though because I'm always Curious to see if they've improved it and so I'm gonna say account name is gonna be accumulated depreciation I'm not gonna put any description. It's not adding a lot of value in my opinion. I have a Description there so I'm gonna keep that as is and then we're gonna say the start date. I'm gonna add the other On the date and we're gonna put this to to The end of last year now This is where the tricky part is because accumulated depreciation is a contra asset account meaning It's like a negative asset So I would say it goes up. It's gonna be an increase So I would think it would be a positive But I think they're categorizing it as an asset So it's actually kind of like a negative asset and this is why debits and credits are actually better Then a plus and minus kind of system gets kind of weird walkie with the plus and minus But I'm gonna assume I'm gonna bet that they're gonna record it with a negative seven five hundred Which will which will make it a positive Amount in accumulated depreciation because accumulated depreciation is a contra asset if that makes sense if it goes the wrong way I'll have to go back in here and adjust it or fix it in some way shape or form So there's there it is so now you can see where it gives you a little image on the balance sheet on where it's gonna populate So this is it. This is pretty neat that they give you this little preview It's kind of a kind of a new a newer Type of thing here. So I'm gonna save it and then we'll check it out so if I go to the balance sheet and run it again Now we've got under the fixed assets You can you can all it put it on there. See I got it wrong. It put it on there as a positive So so I think that I think it used to be that way. So now you increase it With it with a positive instead of a negative. So that's why it gets a little tricky I can fix it this way I can go into it and Then it entered it with a journal entry. So the journal entry is actually more specific if I go into the journal entry I'm just gonna flip it now. So I got it backwards. I'm gonna say this is I'm gonna change it by making this a credit and This a debit Okay, and then I'm gonna save it and say yes and Boom so there it should be the right go in the right way.  So then these two should net out to a negative. So this is the The dollar amount the cost and this is what we decreased it by we'll get into more about fixed assets in a future presentation