CHAPTER XX The Baron slips through the world after paying a visit to Mount Etna he finds himself in the South Sea, visits Vulcan in his passage, gets on board a Dutchman, arrives at an island of cheese surrounded by a sea of milk, describes some very extraordinary objects, lose their compass, their ship slips between the teeth of a fish unknown in this part of the world, their difficulty in escaping from vents, arrive in the Caspian Sea, starves a bear to death, a few waistcoat anecdotes, in this chapter which is the longest the Baron moralizes upon the virtue of veracity. Mr. Dry-Bones travels to Sicily, which I had read with great pleasure, induced me to pay a visit to Mount Etna. My voyage to this place was not attended with any circumstances worth relating. One morning early, three or four days after my arrival, I set out from a cottage where I had slept, within six miles of the foot of the mountain, determined to explore the internal parts if I perished in the attempt. After three hours' hard labour I found myself at the top. It was then and had been for upwards of three weeks raging. Its appearance in this state has been so frequently noted by different travellers that I will not tire you with descriptions of objects you are already acquainted with. I walked round the edge of the crater which appeared to be fifty times at least as capacious as the Devil's Punchbowl near Peter's Field on the Portsmouth Road, but not so broad at the bottom as in that part it resembles the contracted part of a funnel more than a punchbowl. At last, having made up my mind, in I sprang feet foremost, I soon found myself in a warm berth, in my body bruised and burnt in various parts by the red-heart cinders which, by their violent ascent, opposed my descent. However, my weight soon brought me to the bottom, where I found myself in the midst of noise and clamour mixed with the most horrid implications. After recovering my senses and feeling a reduction of my pain, I began to look around me. Guess, gentlemen, my astonishment when I found myself in the company of Vulcan and his Cyclops, who had been quarrelling for the three weeks before mentioned, about the observation of good order-induced subordination, and which had occasioned such alarms for that space of time in the world above. However, my arrival restored peace to the whole society, and Vulcan himself did me the honour of applying plasters to my wounds which healed them immediately. He also placed refreshments before me, particularly nectar, and other rich wines, such as the gods and goddesses only aspire to. After this repasse was over, Vulcan ordered Venus to show me every indulgence which my situation required. To describe the apartment and the couch on which I reposed is totally impossible, therefore I will not attempt it. Let it suffice to say it exceeds the power of language to do it justice or speak of that kind-hearted goddess in any terms equal to her merit. Vulcan gave me a very concise account of Mount Etna. He said it was nothing more than an accumulation of ashes thrown from his forge that he was frequently obliged to chastise his people at whom. In his passion he made it a practice to throw red-hot coals at home, which they often parried with great dexterity and then threw them up into the world to place them out of his reach, for they never attempted to assault him in return by throwing them back again. Our quarrels, added he, last sometimes three or four months, and these appearances of coals or sinners in the world are what I find you mortals call eruptions. Mount Vesuvius, he assured me, was another of his shops to which he had a passage three hundred and fifty leagues under the bed of the sea, where similar quarrels produced similar eruptions. I should have continued here as a number attended upon Madame Venus, but some busy tattlers who delight in mischief whispered a tale in Vulcan's ear which roused in him a fit of jealousy not to be appeased. Without the least previous notice he took me one morning under his arm, as I was waiting upon Venus, agreeable to custom, and carried me to an apartment I had never before seen, in which there was, to all appearance, a well with a wide mouth. Over this he held me at arm's length and saying, ungrateful mortal, return to the world from once you came. Without giving me the least opportunity of reply, dropped me in the centre. I found myself descending with an increasing rapidity till the horror of my mind deprived me of all reflection. I suppose I fell into a trance from which I was suddenly aroused by plunging into a large body of water, illuminated by the rays of the sun. I could from my infancy swim well and play tricks in the water. I now found myself in paradise considering the horrors of mine I had just been released from. After looking about me some time I could discover nothing but an expanse of sea, extending beyond the eye in every direction. I also found it very cold, a different climate from Master Vulcan's shop. At last I observed some distance a body of amazing magnitude like a huge rock approaching me. I soon discovered it to be a piece of floating ice. I swam round it till I found a place where I could ascend to the top, which I did but not without some difficulty. Still I was out of sight of land and despair returned with double force. However, before night came on I saw a sail which we approached very fast. When it was within a very small distance I hailed them in German. They answered in Dutch. I then flung myself into the sea and they threw out a rope by which I was taken on board. I now inquired where we were and was informed in the great Southern Ocean. This opened a discovery which removed all my doubts and difficulties. It was now evident that I had passed from Mount Etna through the centre of the earth to the south seas. This gentleman was a much shorter cut than going round the world and which no man has accomplished or ever attempted but myself. However, the next time I perform it I will be much more particular in my observations. I took some refreshment and went to rest. The Dutch are a very rude sort of people. I related the Etna passage to the officers exactly as I have done to you and some of them, particularly the captain, seemed by his grimace in half-sentence to doubt my veracity. However, as he had kindly taken me on board his vessel and was then in the very act of administering to my necessities, I pocketed the affront. I now in my turn began to inquire where they were bound. To which they answered they were in search of new discoveries, and if, said they, your story is true, a new passage is really discovered and we shall not return disappointed. We were now exactly in Captain Cook's first track and arrived the next morning in Botany Bay. This place I would by no means recommend to the English government as a receptacle for felons or place of punishment. It should rather be the reward of merit, nature having most bountifully bestowed her best gifts upon it. We stayed here but three days. The fourth after our departure a most dreadful storm arose, which in a few hours destroyed all our sails, splintered our bow-sprit, and brought down our top-mast. It fell directly upon the box that enclosed our compass, which, with the compass, was broken to pieces. Everyone who has been at sea knows the consequences of such a misfortune. We were at a loss where to steer. At length the storm abated which was followed by a steady brisk gale that carried us at least forty knots an hour for six months. We should suppose the Baron has made a little mistake and substituted months for days. When we began to observe an amazing change in everything about us, our spirits became light, our noses were regaled with the most aromatic effluvia imaginable, the sea had also changed its complexion and from green became white. Soon after these wonderful alterations we saw land, and not any great distance and inlet which we sailed up near sixty leagues, and found it wide and deep, flowing with milk of the most delicious taste. Here we landed and soon found it was an island consisting of one large cheese. We discovered this by one of the company fainting away as soon as we landed. This man always had an aversion to cheese. When he recovered he desired the cheese to be taken from under his feet. Upon examination we found him perfectly right, for the whole island, as before observed, was nothing but a cheese of immense magnitude. Upon this the inhabitants, who are amazingly numerous, principally sustain themselves, and it grows every night in proportion as it is consumed in the day. Here seemed to be plenty of vines with bunches of large grapes, which upon being pressed you did nothing but milk. We saw the inhabitants running races upon the surface of the milk. They were upright cummly figures, nine feet high, have three legs, and but one arm. Upon the hoe their form was graceful, and when they quarreled they exercised a straight horn which grows in adults from the centre of their foreheads with great adroitness. They did not sink at all, but ran and walked upon the surface of the milk as we do upon a bowling-green. Upon this island of cheese grows great plenty of corn, the ears of which produce loaves of bread ready-made of a round form like mushrooms. We discovered in our rambles over this cheese seventeen other rivers of milk and ten of wine. After thirty days' journey we arrived on the opposite side to that on which we'd landed. Here we found some blue mould, as cheeses, to call it, from one spring all kinds of rich fruit. Instead of breeding mites it produced peaches, nectarines, apricots, and a thousand delicious fruits which we are not acquainted with. In these trees which are of an amazing size were plenty of birds' nests. Amongst others was a king's fishers of prodigious magnitude. It was at least twice the circumference of the Dome of St. Paul's Church in London. Upon inspection this nest was made of huge trees curiously joined together. There were, let me see, for I make it a rule always to speak within compass, there were upwards of five hundred eggs in the nest and each of them was as large as four common hog's heads or eight barrels, and we can not only see but hear the young ones chirping within. Having with great fatigue cut open one of these eggs, we let out a young one unfethered considerably larger than twenty full-grown vultures. Just as we had given this youngster his liberty the old king-fisher lighted, and seizing our captain, who had been active in breaking the egg in one of her claws, flew with him above a mile high, and then let him drop into the sea, but not till she had beaten all his teeth out of his mouth with her wings. Dutchmen generally swim well. He soon joined us and we retreated to our ship. On our return we took a different route and observed many strange objects. We shot two wild oxen, each with one horn, also like the inhabitants, except that it sprouted from between the eyes of these animals. We were afterwards concerned at having destroyed them as we found by inquiry they tamed these creatures and used them as we do horses to ride upon and draw their carriages. Their flesh we informed is excellent, but useless where people live upon cheese and milk. When we had reached within two days' journey of the ship we observed three men hanging to a tall tree by their heels. Upon inquiring the cause of their punishment I found they had all been travelers, and upon the return home had deceived their friends by describing places they never saw and relating things that never happened. This gave me no concern as I have never confined myself to facts. As soon as we arrived at the ship we unmoored and set sail from this extraordinary country when, to our astonishment, all the trees upon shore, of which there were a great number very tall and large, paid their respects to us twice, bowing to exact time and immediately recovered their former posture which was quite erect. By what we could learn of this cheese it was considerably larger than the continent of all Europe. After sailing three months we knew not where, being still without compass, we arrived in a sea which appeared to be almost black. Upon tasting it we found it most excellent wine, and had great difficulty to keep the sailors from getting drunk with it. However in a few hours we found ourselves surrounded by whales and other animals of an immense magnitude, one of which appeared to be too large for the eyes to form a judgment of. We did not see him till we are close to him. This monster drew our ship, with all her mast standing and sails bent, by suction into his mouth between his teeth which were much larger and taller than the mast of a first-rate man of war.  Here we lay as quiet as an anchor in a dead calm. The air, to be sure, was rather warm and very offensive. We found anchors, cables, boats, and barges in abundance, and a considerable number of ships, some laden and some not, which this creature had swallowed. Everything was transacted by torch-light, no sun, no moon, no planet to make observations from. We were all generally afloat in a ground twice a day. Whenever he drank it became high water with us, and when he evacuated we found ourselves aground. Upon a moderate computation he took in more water at a single draft than is generally to be found in the lake of Geneva, though that is above thirty miles in circumference. On the second day of our confinement in these regions of darkness, I ventured at low water, as we call it when the ship was aground, to ramble with the captain and a few of the other officers with lights in our hands. We met with people of all nations to the amount of upwards of ten thousand. They were going to hold a council how to recover their liberty, some of them having lived in this animal's stomach several years. There were several children here who had never seen the world, their mothers having lain in repeatedly in this warm situation. Just as that chairman was going to inform us of the business upon which we assembled, this plaggy fish becoming thirsty drank in his usual manner. The water poured in with such impetuousity that we were all obliged to retreat to our respective ships immediately or run the risk of being drowned. Some were obliged to swim for it, and with difficulty save their lives. In a few hours after we were more fortunate, we met again just after the monster had evacuated. I was chosen chairman, and the first thing I did was propose splicing two main masts together, and the next time he opened his mouth to be ready to wedge them in so as to prevent his shutting it. It was unanimously approved. One hundred stop men were chosen upon this service. We had scarcely got our masts properly prepared when an opportunity offered. The monster opened his mouth. Immediately the top of the mast was placed against the roof, and the other end pierced his tongue which effectively prevented him from shutting his mouth. As soon as everything in his stomach was afloat, we manned a few boats who rode themselves and us into the world. The daylight after, as near as we could judge, three months confinement in total darkness, cheered our spirit surprisingly. When we had all taken our leave of this capacious animal, we mustered just a fleet of ninety-five ships of all nations who had been in this confined situation. We left the two masts in his mouth to prevent others being confined in the same horrid gulf of darkness and filth. Our first object was to learn what part of the world we were in. This we were for some time at a loss to ascertain. At last I found from former observations that we were in the Caspian Sea, which wash his part of the country of the Kalmak Tatars. How we came here it was impossible to conceive, as this sea has no communication with any other. One of the inhabitants of the cheese-island whom I had brought with me accounted for it thus, that the monster in whose stomach we had been so long confined had carried us here through some subterraneous passage. However, we pushed ashore and I was the first who landed. Just as I put my foot upon the ground, a large bear leapt upon me with its four paws. I caught one in each hand and squeezed him till he cried out most lustily. However, in this position I held him till I starved him to death. You may laugh, gentlemen, but this was soon accomplished as I prevented him licking his paws. From hence I travelled up to St. Petersburg a second time. Here an old friend gave me a most excellent pointer, descended from the famous bitch before mentioned, that littered while she was hunting a hare. I had the misfortune to have him shot soon after by a blundering sportsman who fired at him instead of a covey of partridges which he had just set. Of this creature's skin I have had this waistcoat made, showing his waistcoat, which has always led me involuntarily to game if I walk in the fields in the proper season, and when I come within shot one of the buttons constantly flies off in lodges upon the spot where the sport is, and as the birds rise, being always primed and cocked, I never miss them. Here are now but three buttons left. I shall have a new set sewn on against the shooting season commences. When a covey of partridges is disturbed in this manner by the button falling amongst them they always rise from the ground in a direct line before each other. I, one day, by forgetting to take my ramrod out of my gun, shot it straight through a leash as regularly as if the cook had spitted them. I had forgot to put in any shot and the rod had been made so hot with the powder that the birds were completely roasted by the time I reached home. Since my arrival in England I have accomplished what I had very much at heart is providing for the inhabitant of the cheese island whom I had brought with me. My old friend, Sir William Chambers, who is entirely indebted to me for all his ideas of Chinese gardening, by a description of which he has gained such high reputation. I say, gentlemen, in a discourse which I had with this gentleman he seemed much distressed for contrivance to light the lamps at the new building, Somerset House. The common mode with ladders he observed was both dirty and inconvenient. My native of the cheese island popped into my head he was only nine feet high when I had brought him from his own country, but was now increased to ten and a half. I introduced him to Sir William and he has appointed to that honourable office. He is also to carry, under a large cloak, a utensil in each coat pocket instead of those four which Sir William has very properly fixed for private purposes in so conspicuous a situation, the great quadrangle. He has also obtained from Mr. Pitt the situation of messenger to his majesty's lord of the bed-chamber, whose principal employment will now be divulging the secrets of the royal household to their worthy patron. Supplement. Extraordinary flight on the back of an eagle over France to Gibraltar, south in North America, the polar regions and back to England within six and thirty hours. About the beginning of his present majesty's reign I had some business with a distant relation who then lived on the Isle of Thanet. It was a family dispute and not likely to be finished soon. I made it a practice during my residence there, the weather being fine to walk out every morning. After a few of these excursions I observed an object upon a great eminent about three miles distant. I extended my walk to it and found the ruins of an ancient temple. I approached it with admiration and astonishment. The traces of grandeur and magnificence which yet remain there were evident proofs of its former splendor. Here I could not help lamenting the ravages and devastations of time of which that once noble structure exhibited such a melancholy proof. I walked round it several times meditating on the fleeting and transitory nature of all terrestrial things. On the eastern end were the remains of a lofty tower. Near forty feet high, overgrown with ivy, the top apparently flat. I surveyed it on every side very minutely, thinking that if I could gain its summit I should enjoy the most delightful prospect of the circumjacent country, which I at length affected by means of the ivy, though not without great difficulty and danger. The top I found covered with this evergreen except a large chasm in the middle. After I had surveyed with pleasing wonder the beauties of art and nature that conspired to enrich the scene, curiosity prompted me to sound the opening in the middle in order to ascertain its depth, as I entertained a suspicion that it might probably communicate with some unexplored subterranean cavern in the hill. But having no line I was at a loss how to proceed. After revolving the matter in my thoughts for some time I resolved to drop a stone down and listen to the echo. Having found one that answered my purpose I placed myself over the hole with one foot on each side and stooping down to listen I dropped the stone which I had no sooner done than I heard a rustling below and suddenly a monstrous eagle put its head right opposite my face and rising up with irresistible force carried me away seated on its shoulders. I instantly grasped it round the neck which was large enough to fill my arms and its wings, when extended, were ten yards from one extremity to the other. As it rose with a regular ascent my seat was perfectly easy and I enjoyed the prospect below with inexpressible pleasure. It hovered over Margate for some time, was seen by several people and many shots were fired at it. One ball hit the heel of my shoe but did me no injury. It then directed its course to Dovercliffe where it alighted. And I thought of dismounting but was prevented by a sudden discharge of musketry from a party of marines that were exercising on the beach. The balls flew about my head and rattled on the features of the eagle like hailstones, yet I could not perceive it had received any injury. It instantly re-ascended and flew over the sea towards Calais, but so very high that the channel seemed to be no broader than the Thames at London Bridge. In a quarter of an hour I found myself over a thick wood in France where the eagle descended very rapidly, which caused me to slip down to the back part of its head. But alighting on a large tree and raising its head, I recovered my seat as before but saw no possibility of disengaging myself without the danger of being killed by the fall. So I determined to sit fast thinking it would carry me to the Alps or some other high mountain where I could dismount without any danger. After resting a few minutes it took wing, flew several times round the wood and screamed loud enough to be heard across the English channel. In a few minutes one of the same species arose out of the wood and flew directly toward us. It surveyed me with evident marks of displeasure and came very near me. After flying several times round they both directed their course to the southwest. I soon observed that the one I rode upon could not keep pace with the other but inclined towards the earth on account of my weight. Its companion perceiving this turned round and placed itself in such a position that the other could rest its head on its romp. In this manner they proceeded till noon when I saw the Rock of Gibraltar very distinctly. The day being clear, notwithstanding my degree of elevation, the earth's surface appeared just like a map where land, sea, lakes, rivers, mountains and the like were perfectly distinguishable and having some knowledge of geography I was at no loss to determine what part of the globe I was in. Whilst I was contemplating this wonderful prospect a dreadful howling suddenly began all around me and in a moment I was invested by thousands of small black deformed frightful looking creatures who pressed me on all sides in such a manner that I could neither move hand or foot but I had not been in their possession more than ten minutes when I heard the most delightful music that can possibly be imagined which was suddenly changed into a noise the most awful and tremendous to which the report of cannon or the loudest claps of thunder could bear no more proportion than the gentle zeffers of the evening to the most dreadful hurricane but the shortness of its duration prevented all those fatal effects which a prolongation of it would certainly have been attended with. The music commenced and I saw a great number of the most beautiful little creatures seize the other party and throw them with great violence into something like a snuff box which they shut down and one threw it away with incredible velocity then turning to me he said they whom he had secured were a party of devils who had wandered from their proper habitation and that the vehicle in which they were enclosed would fly with unabating rapidity for ten thousand years when it would burst of its own accord and the devils would recover their liberty and faculties as at the present moment here no sooner finished this relation when the music ceased and they all disappeared leaving me in a state of mind bordering on the confines of despair when I had recomposed myself a little and looking before me with inexpressible pleasure I observed that the eagles were preparing to light on the peak of Tenerife they descended on the top of the rock but seeing no possible means of escape if I dismounted determined me to remain where I was the eagles sat down seemingly fatigued when the heat of the sun soon calls them both to fall asleep nor did I long resist its fascinating power in the cool of the evening when the sun had retired below the horizon I was riled from sleep by the eagle moving under me and having stretched myself along its back I set up and resumed my traveling position when they both took wing and having placed themselves as before directed their course to South America the moon shining bright during the whole night I had a fine view of all the islands in those seas about the break of day we reached the great continent of America that part called terra firma and descended on the top of a very high mountain at this time the moon far disted in the west and obscured by dark clouds but just afforded light sufficient for me discover a kind of shrubbery all around bearing fruit something like cabbages which the eagles began to feed on very eagerly I endeavored to discover my situation but fogs and passing clouds involved me in the thickest darkness and what rendered the scene still more shocking was the tremendous howling of wild beasts some of which appeared to be very near however I determined to keep my seat imagining that the eagle would carry me away if any of them should make a hostile attempt when daylight began to appear I thought of examining the fruit which I had seen the eagles eat and as some was hanging which I could easily come at I took out my knife and cut a slice but how great was my surprise to see that it had all the appearance of roast beef regularly mixed both fat and lean I tasted it and found it well flavored and delicious then cut several large slices and put it in my pocket where I found a crust of bread which I had brought from Margate took it out and found three musket balls that had been lodged in it on Dover Cliff I extracted them and cutting a few slices more made a hearty meal of bread and cold beef fruit I then cut down two of the largest that grew near me and tied them together with one of my garters hung them over the eagle's neck for another occasion filling my pockets at the same time while I was settling these affairs I observed a large fruit like an inflated bladder which I wish to try and experiment upon and striking my knife into one of them a fine pure liquor like Holland's gin rushed out which the eagle's observing eagerly drank up from the ground I cut down the bladder as fast as I could and saved about half a pint in the bottom of it which I tasted and could not distinguish it from the best mountain wine I drank it all and found myself greatly refreshed by this time the eagles began to stagger against the shrubs I endeavored to keep my seat but were soon thrown for some distance among the bushes in attempting to rise I put my hand upon a large hedgehog which happened to lie among the grass upon its back it instantly closed round my hands so that I found it impossible to shake it off I struck it several times against the ground without effect but while I was thus employed I heard a rustling among the shrubbery and looking up I saw a huge animal within three yards of me I could make no defense but held out both my hands when it rushed upon me and seized that on which the hedgehog was fixed my hand being soon relieved I ran to some distance where I saw the creature suddenly dropped down and expire with the hedgehog in its throat when the danger was passed I went to view the eagles and found them lying on the grass fast asleep being intoxicated by the liquor they had drank indeed I found myself considerably elevated by it and seeing everything quiet I began to search for some more which I soon found and having cut down two large bladders about a gallon each I tied them together and hung them over the neck of the other eagle and the two smaller ones I tied with a cord round my own waist having secured a good stock of provisions and perceiving the eagles begin to recover I again took my seat in half an hour they rose majestically from the place without taking the least notice of their encumbrance each reassumed its former station and directing their course to the northward they crossed the Gulf of Mexico entered North America and steered directly for the polar regions which gave me the finest opportunity of viewing this vast continent that can possibly be imagined before we entered the frigid zone the cold began to affect me but piercing one of my bladders I took a draft and found that it could make no impression on me afterwards passing over Hudson's Bay I saw several of the company ships lying at anchor and many tribes of Indians marching with their furs to market by this time I was so reconciled to my seat and became such an expert rider that I could sit up and look around me but in general I lay along the eagle's neck grasping it in my arms with my hands immersed in its feathers in order to keep them warm in those cold climates I observed that the eagles flew with greater rapidity in order I supposed to keep their blood in circulation in passing Baffins Bay I saw several large Greenland men to the eastward and many surprising mountains of ice in those seas while I was surveying these wonders of nature it occurred to me that this was a good opportunity to discover the Northwest Passage if any such thing existed and not only obtain the reward offered by government but the honor of a discovery pregnant with so many advantages to every European nation but while my thoughts were absorbed in this pleasing reverie I was alarmed by the first eagle striking its head against a solid transparent substance and in a moment that which I rode experienced the same fate and both fell down seemingly dead here our lives must inevitably have terminated had not a sense of danger and the singularity of my situation inspired me within a degree of skill and dexterity which enabled us to fall near two miles perpendicular with this little inconvenience as if we had been let down with a rope for no sooner did I perceive the eagle strike against a frozen cloud which is very common near the poles then they being close together I laid myself along the back of the foremost and took hold of its wings to keep them extended at the same time stretching out my legs behind to support the wings of the other this had the desired effect and we descended very safe on a mountain of ice which I supposed to be about three miles above the level of the sea I dismounted unloaded the eagles opened one of the bladders and administered some of the liquor to each of them without once considering that the horrors of destruction seem to have conspired against me the roaring of the waves crashing of ice and the howling of bears conspired to form a scene the most awful and tremendous but notwithstanding this my concern for the recovery of the eagles was so great that I was insensible of the danger to which I was exposed having rendered them every assistance in my power I stood over them in painful anxiety fully sensible that it was only by means of them that I could possibly be delivered from these abodes of despair but suddenly a monstrous bear began to roar behind me with a voice like thunder I turned around and seeing the creature just ready to devour me having the bladder of liquor in my hands through fear I squeezed it so hard that it burst and the liquor flying in the eyes of the animal totally deprived it of sight it instantly turned from me ran away in a state of distraction and soon fell over a precipice of ice into the sea where I saw it no more the danger being over I again turned my attention to the eagles whom I found in a fair way of recovery and suspecting that they were faint for want of victuals I took one of the beef fruit cut it into small slices and presented them with it which they devoured with avidity having given them plenty to eat and drink and disposed of the remainder of my provision I took possession of my seat as before after composing myself and adjusting everything in the best manner I began to eat and drink very heartily and through the effects of the mountain wine as I called it was very cheerful and began to sing of his few verses of a song which I had learned when I was a boy but the noise soon alarmed the eagles who had been asleep through the quantity of liquor which they had drank and they rose seemingly much terrified happily for me however when I was feeding them I had accidentally turned their heads toward the southeast which course they pursued with the rapid motion in a few hours I saw the western Isles and soon after had the inexpressible pleasure of seeing old England I took no notice of the seas or islands over which I passed the eagles descended gradually as they drew near the shore intending as I suppose to a light on one of the Welsh mountains but when they came to the distance of about 60 yards two guns were fired at them loaded with balls one of which took place in a bladder of liquor that hung to my waist the other entered the breast of the foremost eagle who fell to the ground while that which I rode having received no injury flew away with amazing swiftness this circumstance alarmed me exceedingly and I began to think it was impossible for me to escape with my life but recovering a little I once more looked down upon the earth when to my inexpressible joy I saw Margate at a little distance and the eagle descending on the old tower once it had carried me on the morning of the day before it no sooner came down than I threw myself off happy to find that I was once more restored to the world the eagle flew away in a few minutes and I sat down to compose my fluttering spirits which I did in a few hours I soon paid a visit to my friends and related these adventures amazement stored in every countenance their congratulations on my returning and safety were repeated with an unaffected degree of pleasure and we pass the evening as we are doing now every person present paying the highest compliments to my courage and veracity end of chapter 20 chapter 21 of Baron Munchausen this is a labour box recording all labour box recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit LibreVox.org recording by R. Booth the surprising adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolph Eric Rasp chapter number 21 the Baron insists on the veracity of his former memoirs forms a design of making discoveries in the interior parts of Africa his discourse with Hilaro Frost-Decas about it his conversation with Lady Fraguantier the Baron goes with other persons of distinction to court relates an anecdote of the Marquis de Belcourt all that I have related before said the Baron is gospel and if there be anyone so hardy as to deny it I'm ready to fight him with any weapon he pleases yes cried he in a more elevated tone as he started from his seat I will condemn to swallow this decanter glass and all perhaps and filled with Karen Vasser a kind of ardent spirit distilled from cherries and much used in some parts of Germany therefore my dear friends and companions have confidence in what I say and pay honour to the tales of Munchausen a traveller has a right to relate and embellish his adventures as he pleases and it is very unpolite to refuse that deference and applause they deserve having passed some time in England since the completion of my former memoirs I at length began to revolve in my mind what a prodigious field of discovery must be in the interior part of Africa I could not sleep with the thought of it I therefore determined to gain every proper assistance from government to penetrate the celebrated source of denial and assume the vice worship of the interior kingdoms of Africa or at least the great realm of Monomotapa it was happy for me that I had one of the most powerful friends at court whom I shall call the illustrious hill arrow for us to cause you perchance know him not by that name but we had a language among ourselves as well we may for in the course of my peregrinations I have acquired precisely 999 leash of languages what gentlemen do you stare well I allow there are not so many languages spoken in this vile world but then have I not been to the moon and trust me whenever I write a treatise upon education I shall delineate methods of inculcating whole dozens of languages at once French Spanish Greek Hebrew Cherokee etc and in such a style as will shame all the pedagogues existing having passed a whole night without being able to sleep for the vivid imagination of African discoveries I hastened to the levy of my illustrious friend Hilaro Frostacus and having mentioned my intention with all the vigour of fancy he gravely considered my words and after some awful meditations thus he spoke aloh however added he it behoved thee to consider and ponder well upon the perils and the multitudinous dangers in the way of that white who thus advances in all the perambulations of adventures and verily most valiant sire and baron I hope they will demean thyself with all that laudable gravity and precaution which as is related in the 347th chapter of the prophylaxis is of more consideration than all the merit in this terracquious globe yes most truly do I advise thee unto thy good and speak unto thee most valiant munch-housen with the greatest esteem and wish thee to succeed in thy voyage for it is said that in the interior realms of Africa there are tribes that can see but just three inches and a half beyond the extremity of their noses and verily they shouldest moderate thyself even sure and slow they stumble who walk fast but we shall bring you unto the lady for grantier and have her opinion of the matter he then took from his pocket a cap of dignity such as described in the most honourable and antique corraldory and placing it upon my head addressed me thus as those seemest again to revive the spirit of ancient adventure permit me to place upon thy head this favour as a mark of the esteem in which I hold thy valorous disposition the lady for grantier my dear friends was one of the most divine creatures in all great Britain and was desperately in love with me she was drawing my portrait upon a piece of white satin when the most noble Hilaro Frostacus advanced he pointed to the cap of dignity which he had placed upon my head I do declare Hilaro said the lovely for grantier tis pretty tis interesting I love you and I like you my dear Baron said she putting on another plume this gives it an air more delicate and more fantastical I do thus my dear Munchhausen as your friend yet you can reject or accept my present just as you please but I like the fancy tis a good one and I mean to improve it and against whatever enemies you go I shall have the sweet satisfaction to remember you bear my favour on your head I snatched it with trepidation and gracefully dropping on my knee I three times kissed it with all the rapture of romantic love I swear cried I by thy bright eyes and by thy lovely whiteness of thine arm that no savage tyrant or enemy upon the face of the earth shall to spoil me of this favour while one drop of the blood of the Munchhausen's doth circulate in my veins I will bear a triumphant through the realms of Africa whether I now intend my course and make it respected even in the court of Prestor John I admire your spirit replied she and she'll use my utmost interested court to have you dispatched with every pump as soon as possible but here comes the most brilliant company indeed Lady Carolina Wilhelmina Amelia Skegs and Lord Spigot and Lady Fossett and the Countess of Bel Air after the ceremonies of introduction to this company were over we proceeded to consult upon the business and as the cause met with general applause it was immediately determined that I should proceed with their delay as soon as I obtained the sovereign approbation I am convinced said Lord Spigot that if there be anything really unknown and worthy of our most ardent curiosity it must be in the immense regions of Africa that country which seems to be the oldest on the globe and yet with the greater part of which we are almost utterly unacquainted what prodigious wealth of gold and diamonds must not lie concealed in those torrid regions when the very rivers on the coast pour forth continual specimens of gold and sand to my opinion therefore that the Baron deserves the applause of all Europe for his spirit and merits the most powerful assistance of the sovereign so flattering an approbation you may be sure was delightful to my heart and with every confidence and joy I suffered them to take me to court that instant after the usual ceremonies of introduction suffice it to say that I met with every honour and applause that my most sanguine expectations could demand I had always a taste for the fashionable je ne sais quoi of the most elegant society and in the presence of all the sovereigns of Europe I ever found myself quite at home and experienced from the whole court the most flattering esteem and admiration I remember one particular day the fate of the unfortunate Marquis de Belcourt the countess of Recinda who accompanied him looked most divinely yes I am confident said the Marquis de Belcourt to me that I have acted according to the strictest sentiments of justice and of loyalty to my sovereign what stronger breastplate than the hard untainted and though I did not receive a word nor a look yet I cannot think no it were impossible to be misrepresented conscious of my own integrity I will try again I will go boldly up the Marquis de Belcourt saw the opportunity he advanced three paces put his hand upon his breast and bowed permit me said he with the most profound respect to his tongue faltered he could scarcely believe his sight for at that moment the whole company were moving out of the room he found himself almost alone deserted by everyone what said he and did he turn upon his heel with the most marked contempt would he not speak to me would you not even hear me utter a word in my defense his heart died within him not even a look a smile from anyone my friends do they not know me do they not see me alas they fear to catch the contagion of my then said he adieu it is more than I can bear I shall go to my country seat and never never will return adieu front court adieu the venerable Marquis de Belcourt stopped for a moment ere he entered his carriage thrice he looked back and thrice he wiped the starting tear from his eye yes said he for once at least truth shall be found in the bottom of a well peace to thy ghost most noble Marquis a king of kings shall pity thee and thousands who are yet unborn shall owe their happiness to thee and have caused to bless the thousands perhaps that shall never even know thy name but munchhousens self shall celebrate thy glory end of chapter 21 recording by our booth Dublin 2009 chapter 22 of Baron Munchausen this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox dot org recording by Troy Bond the surprising adventures of Baron Munchausen by Rudolph Eric Rasp chapter 22 preparations for the Baron's expedition into Africa description of his chariot the beauties of its interior decorations the animals that drew it and the mechanism of the wheels everything being concluded and having received my instructions for the voyage I was conducted by the illustrious Halaro Frosticoes the Lady Fragrancia and a prodigious crowd of nobility and placed sitting upon the summit of the whale's bones at the palace and having remained in this situation for three days and three nights as a trial ordeal and a specimen of my perseverance and resolution the third hour after midnight they seated me in the chariot of Queen Mab it was a prodigious dimension large enough to contain more stowage than the ton of Heidelberg and globular like a hazelnut in fact it seemed to be really a hazelnut grown to a most extravagant dimension and that a great worm of proportionable enormity had bought a hole in the shell through this same entrance I was ushered it was as large as a coach door and I took my seat in the center a kind of chair self-balanced without touching anything like the fancy tomb of Muhammad the whole interior surface of the nutshell appeared a luminous representation of all the stars of heaven the fixed stars the planets and a comet the stars were as large as those worn by our first nobility and the comet excessively brilliant seemed as if you had assembled all the eyes of the beautiful girls in the kingdom and combined them like a peacock's plumage into the form of a comet that is a globe and a bearded tail to it diminishing gradually to a point this beautiful constellation seemed very sportive and delightful it was much in the form of a tadpole and without ceasing went full of playful giddiness up and down all over the heaven on the concave surface of the nutshell one time it would be at that part of the heavens under my feet and in the next minute would be over my head it was never at rest but forever going east west north or south and paid no more respect to the different worlds than if there were so many lanterns without reflectors some of them he would dash against and push out of their places others he would burn up and consume the ashes and others again he would split into fritters and their fragments would instantly take a globular form like spilled quick silver and become satellites to whatever other worlds they should happen to meet within their career in short the whole seemed an epitome of the creation past present and future and all that passes among the stars during one thousand years was here generally performed in as many seconds i surveyed all the beauties of the chariot with wonder and delight certainly cried i this is heaven in miniature in short i took the reins in my hand but before i proceed on my adventures i shall mention the rest of my attendant furniture the chariot was drawn by a team of nine bulls harness to it three after three in the first rank was the most tremendous bull named john momoski the rest were called jacks in general but not dignified by any particular denomination they were all shot for the journey not indeed like horses with iron or as bullocks commonly are too drag on a cart but were shot with men's skulls each of their feet was hoof and all crammed into a man's head cut off for the purpose and fasten their end with a kind of cement or paste so that the skulls seem to be part of the foot and hoof of the animal with these skull shoes the creatures could perform astonishing journeys and slide upon the water or upon the ocean with great velocity the harnesses were fastened with golden buckles and decked with studs in a superb style and the creatures were ridden by nine postillians crickets of great size as large as monkeys who sat squat upon the heels of the bulls and were continually chirping at a most infernal rate loud in proportion to their bodies the wheels of the chariot consisted of upwards of ten thousand springs formed so as to give the greater impetuosity to the vehicle and were more complex than a dozen clocks like that of strassberg the external of the chariot was adorned with banners and a superb festoon of laurel that formally shaded me on horseback and now having given you a very concise description of my machine for traveling into Africa which you must allow to be far superior to the apparatus of monture valant I shall proceed to relate the exploits of my voyage end of chapter 22 chapter 23 of baron monk housing this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org recording by David Rhys Thomas the surprising adventures of baron monk housing by Rudolf Erich Rasp chapter 23 chapter 23 the baron proceeds on his voyage convoys a squadron to Gibraltar declines the acceptance of the island of Candia his chariot damaged by Pompey's pillar and Cleopatra's needle the baron out does Alexander breaks his chariot and splits a great rock at the Cape of Good Hope taking the reins in my hand while the music gave a general salute I cracked my whip away they went and in three hours I found myself just between the Isle of Wight and the mainland of England here I remained four days until I had received part of my accompaniment which I had ordered to take under my convoy towards a squadron of men of war that had been a long time prepared for the Baltic but which were now destined for the Mediterranean by the assistance of large hooks and eyes exactly such as are worn in our hats but of a greater size some hundred weight each the men of war hooked themselves onto the wheels of the vehicle and in fact nothing could be more simple or convenient because they could be hooked or unhooked in an instant with the utmost facility in short having given a general discharge of their artillery in three chairs I cracked my whip away we went helter skelter and in six jiffies I found myself on all my retinas safe and in good spirits just at the rock of Gibraltar here I unhooked my squadron and having taken an affectionate leave of the officers I suffered them to proceed in their ordinary manner to the place of their destination the whole garrison were highly delighted with the novelty of my vehicle and at the pressing solicitations of the governor and officers I went ashore and took a view of that barren old rock about which more powders been fired away than would purchase twice as much fertile ground in any part of the world mounted my chariot I took the reins and again made forward in mad career down the Mediterranean to the isle of Kandia here I received dispatches from the sublime port in treating me to assist in the war against Russia with a reward of the whole island of Kandia for my alliance at first I hesitated thinking that the island of Kandia would be a most valuable acquisition to the sovereign who at that time employed me and that the most delicious wines sugars etc in abundance would flourish on the island yet when I considered the trade of the East India Company which would most probably suffer by the intercourse with Persia through the Mediterranean I at once rejected the proposal and had afterwards the thanks the honourable the House of Commons for my propriety and political discernment having been properly refreshed at Kandia I again proceeded and in a short time arrived in the land of Egypt the land of this country at least that part of it near the sea is very low so that I came upon it here I was aware and the pillar of Pompey got entangled in the various wheels of the machine and damaged the hall considerably still I drove on through thick and thin till passing over that great obelisk the needle of Cleopatra the work got entangled again and jolted at a miserable rate over the mud and swampy ground of all that country yet my poor bulls trotted on with astonishing labour across the Isthmus of Suez into the Red Sea and left a track an obscure channel which has since been taken by Dutotte for the remains of a canal cut by some of the Ptolemy's from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean but as you perceive was in reality no more than the track of my chariot the car of Queen Mab as the artists are present in that country are nothing wonderful though the ancient Egyptians to said were most astonishing fellows I could not procure any new coach springs or have a possibility of setting my machine to rights in the kingdom of Egypt and as I could not presume to attempt another journey over land and the great mountains of marble beyond the source of the Nile I thought it most eligible to make the best way I could by sea to the Cape of Good Hope where I suppose I should get some Dutch smiths and carpenters or perhaps some English artists and my vehicle being properly repaired it was my intention then to proceed over land through the heart of Africa the surface of the water I well knew afforded less resistance to the wheels of the machine it passed along the waves like the chariot of Neptune and in short having gotten upon the Red Sea we scutted away to admiration through the pass of Babel Mandeb to the great western coast of Africa where Alexander had not the courage to venture and really my friends if Alexander had ventured toward the Cape of Good Hope he must probably would have never returned it is difficult to determine whether there would then any inhabitants in the more southern parts of Africa or not yet at any rate this conqueror of the world would have made but a nonsensical adventure his miserable ships not contrived for a long voyage would have become leaky and founded before he could have doubled the Cape and left his majesty fairly beyond the limits of the then known world yet it would have been an august exit for an Alexander after having subdued Persia and India to be wandering the Lord knows where to jump or Amon perhaps or on a voyage to the moon as an Indian chief once said to Captain Cook but for my part I was far more successful than Alexander I drove on with the most amazing rapidity and thinking to halt on shore at the Cape I unfortunately drove too close and shattered the right side wheels of my vehicle against the rock now called the Table Mountain machine went against it with such impetuosity as completely shivered the rock in a horizontal direction so that the summit of the mountain in the form of a semi-sphere was knocked into the sea and the steep mountain becoming thereby flattened at the top has since received the name of the Table Mountain from its similarity to that piece of furniture just as this part of the mountain was knocked off the ghost of the Cape that tremendous sprite which cuts such a figure in the lusiad was discovered sitting squat in an excavation form for him in the center of the mountain he seemed just like a young bee in his little cell before he comes forth or like a bean in a bean pod and when the upper part of the mountain was split across and knocked off the superior half of his person was discovered he appeared of a bottle blue color and started dazzled with the unexpected glare of the light hearing the dreadful rattle of the wheels and the loud chirping of the crickets he was thunderstruck and instantly given a shriek sunk down 10 000 fathoms into the earth while the mountain vomiting out some smoke silently closed up and left not a trace behind end of chapter 23 recording by david reese thomas at www.davidreesethomas.com chapter number 24 of baron munchhausen this is a libra vox recording all libra vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit libravox.org recording by our booth the surprising adventures of baron munchhausen by rudolf eric rasp chapter number 24 the baron secures his chariot etc at the cape and takes his passage for england in a homeward bound indian man wrecked upon an island device near the coast of guinea escapes from the wreck and rears a variety of vegetables upon the island meet some vessels belonging to the negroes bringing white slaves from europe in retaliation to work upon their plantations in a cold climate near the south pole arrives in england and lays an account of his expedition before the privy council great preparations for a new expedition the sphinx gog and magog and a great company attend him the ideas of a hilaro frostacos respecting the interior parts of africa i perceived with grief and consternation the miscarriage of all my apparatus yet i was not absolutely dejected a great mind is never known but an adversity with permission of the dutch government the chariot was properly laid up in a great storehouse erected at the water's edge and the bulls received every refreshment possible after so terrible a voyage well you may be sure they deserved it and therefore every attendance was engaged for them until i should return as it was not possible to do anything more i took my passage in a homeward bound indian man to return to london and lay the matter before the privy council we met with nothing particular until we arrived upon the coast of guinea where to our utter astonishment we perceived a great hill seemingly of glass advancing against us in open sea the rays of the sun were reflecting upon it with such splendor that it was extremely difficult to gaze upon the phenomenon i immediately knew it to be an island of ice and though in so very warm a latitude determined to make all possible sail from such horrible danger we did so but all in vain for about 11 o'clock at night blowing a very hard gale and exceedingly dark we struck upon the island nothing could equal the distraction the shrieks and despair of the whole crew until i knowing there was not a moment to be lost cheered up their spirits and bade them not to spawned but do as i should request them in a few minutes the vessel was half full of water and the enormous castle of ice that seemed to hem us in on every side in some places falling in hideous fragments upon the deck killed one half of the crew upon which getting upon the summit of the mast i can try to make it fast to a great promontory of the ice and calling to the remainder of the crew to follow me we all escaped from the wreck and got upon the summit of the island the rising sun soon gave us a dreadful prospect of our situation and the loss or rather icification of the vessel for being closed in on every side with castles of ice during the night she was absolutely frozen over and buried in such a manner that we could behold her under our feet even in the central solidity of the island having debated what was best to be done we immediately cut down through the ice and got up some of the cables of the vessel and the boats which making fast to the island we towed it with all our might determined to bring home island and all or perish at the attempt on the summit of the island we placed what oakum and dregs of every kind of matter we could get from the vessel which in the spaces were very few errors on account of the liquefying of the ice and the warmth of the sun were transformed into a very fine manure and as i had some seeds of exotic vegetables in my pocket we shortly had a sufficiency of fruits and roots growing upon the island to supply the whole crew especially the breadfruit tree a few plants of which had been in the vessel and another tree which bore plum puddings so very hot and with such exquisite proportion of sugar fruit etc that we all acknowledged it was not possible to taste anything of the kind more delicious in england in short though the scurvy had made such dreadful progress among the crew before our striking upon the ice the supply of vegetables and especially the breadfruit and pudding fruit put an almost immediate stop to the distemper we had not proceeded thus many weeks advancing with incredible fatigue by continual towing when we fell in with a fleet of negro men as they called them these wretches i must inform you my dear friends and found means to make prizes of those vessels from some europeans upon the coast of guinea and tasting the sweets of luxury had formed colonies in several now discovered islands near the south pole where they had a variety of plantations of such matter as would only grow in the coldest climates as the black inhabitants of guinea were unsuited to the climate and excessive cold as a country they formed the diabolical project of getting christian slaves to work for them for this purpose they sent vessels every year to the coast of scotland the northern parts of ireland and wales and were even sometimes seen off the coast of cornwall and having purchased or entrapped by fraud or violence a great number of men women and children they proceeded with their cargos of human flesh to the other end of the world and sold them to their planters where they were flogged into obedience and made to work like horses all the rest of their lives my blood ran cold at the idea while everyone on the island also expressed his horror that such an iniquitous traffic should be suffered to exist but except by open violence it was found impossible to destroy the trade on account of a barbarous prejudice entertained of late by the negroes that the white people have no souls however we were determined to attack them and steering down our island upon them soon overwhelmed them we saved as many of the white people as possible but pushed all the blacks into the water again the poor creatures we saved from slavery were so overjoyed that they wept aloud through gratitude and we experienced every delightful sensation to think what happiness we should share upon their parents their brothers and sisters and children by bringing them home safe redeemed from slavery to the bosom of their native country having happily arrived in england i immediately laid a statement of my voyage etc before the privy council and then treated an immediate assistance to travel into africa and if possible refit my former machine and take it along with the rest everything was instantly granted to my satisfaction and i received orders to get myself ready for departure as soon as possible as the emperor of china had sent a most curious animal as a present to europe which was kept in the tower and it being of an enormous stature was capable of performing the voyage with the clan she was ordered to attend me she was called sphinx and one of the most tremendous though magnificent figures i ever beheld she was harnessed with superb trappings to a large flat bottom boat in which was placed an edifice of wood exactly resembling westminster hall two balloons were placed over it tackled by a number of ropes to the boat to keep up a proper equilibrium and prevent it from overturning or filling from the prodigious weight of the fabric the interior of the edifice was decorated with seats in the form of an amphitheater and crammed as full as it could hold with ladies and lords as a council and revenue for your humble servant nearly in the center was a seat elegantly decorated for myself and on either side of me were placed the famous gog and magog in all their pomp the lord vicent gossamer being our postilian we floated gallantly down the river the nobles sphinx gamboling like a huge leviathan and towing after her the boat and balloons thus we advanced sailing gently into the open sea being calm whether we could scarcely feel the motion of the vehicle and passed our time in grand debate upon the glorious intention of our voyage and the discoveries that would result i am of the opinion said my noble friend hilaro frosticus that africa was originally inhabited for the greater part or i might say subjugated by lions which next to man seem to be the most dreaded of all mortal tyrants the country in general at least what we've been hitherto able to discover seems rather inimical to human life the intolerable dryness of the place the burning sands that overwhelm whole armies and cities in general room and the hideous life many roving hordes are compelled to lead incline me to think that if ever we form any great settlements therein it will become the grave of our countrymen yet it is nearer to us than the east indies and i cannot but imagine that in many places every production of china and of the east and west indies would flourish if properly attended to and as the country is so digitally extensive and unknown what a source of discovery must not contain in fact we know less about the interior of africa than we do of the moon for it is this ladder we measure the very prominences and observe the varieties and inequalities of the surface through our glasses forests and mountains in her spotted orb but we see nothing in the interior of africa but what some compilers of maps or geographers are fanciful enough to imagine what a happy event therefore should we not expect from a voyage of discovery and colonization undertaken in so magnificent a style as the present what a pride what an acquisition to philosophy end of chapter 24 of the surprising adventures of baron munchison chapter 25 of baron munchousen this is a libravox recording all libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit libravox dot org recorded by mike harris the surprising adventures of baron munchousen by rudolf eric raspe chapter number 25 count gossamer thrown by the sphinx into the snow on the top of tenor if gogg and bagog conduct sphinx for the rest of the voyage the baron arrives at the cape and unites his former chariot etc to his new retinue passes into africa proceeding from the cape northwards defeats a host of lions by a curious stratagem travels through an immense desert his whole company chariot etc overwhelmed by a whirlwind of sand extricates them and arrives in a fertile country the brave count gossamer with a pair of hellfire spurs on riding upon sphinx directed the whole retinue toward the medias but the count had no small share of an amiable vanity and perceiving great multitudes of people gaskons etc assembled upon the french coast he could not refrain from showing some singular capers such as they had never seen before but especially when he observed all the members of the national assembly extended themselves along the shore as a piece of french politeness to honor this expedition with urusso voltair and bielzebub at their head he set spurs to sphinx and at the same time cut and cracked away as hard as he could holding in the reins with all his might striving to make the creature plunge and show some uncommon diversion but sulkie and ill-tempered was sphinx at the time she plunged indeed such a devil of a plunge that she dashed him in one jerk over her head and he fell precipitately into the water before it was in the bay of bisque all the world knows a very boisterous sea and sphinx fearing he would be drowned never turned to the left or the right out of her way but advanced furious just stooped her head a little and supped the poor count off the water into her mouth together with the quantity of two or three tons of water which she must have taken in along with him but which were to such an enormous creature as sphinx nothing more than a spoonful would be to any of you or me she swallowed him but when she had got him into her stomach his long spurs so stretched and tickled her that they produced the effect of an emetic no sooner was he in but out he was squirted with the most horrible impetuosity like a ball or a shell from the caliber of a mortar sphinx was at this time quite seasick and the unfortunate count was driven forth like a skyrocket and landed on the peak of tenorife plunged over head and ears in the snow requisicot in box i perceived all this mischief from my seat in the arc but was in such a convulsion of laughter that i could not utter an intelligible word and now sphinx deprived of her postillion went on in a zigzag direction and gambled away after a most dreadful manner and thus at everything gone to wreck and had i not given instant orders to gog and mogog to sally forth they plunged into the water and swimming on each side got at length right before the animal and then seized the reins thus they continued swimming on each side like tritons holding the muzzle of sphinx while i sallying forth astride upon the creature's back steered forward on our voyage to the cave of good hope end of chapter 25 recorded by mike harris the surprising adventures of baron moon chousen by rudolf eric rasp chapter 26 a feast on live bulls and kava the inhabitant admire the european adventurers the emperor comes to meet the baron and pays him great compliments the inhabitants of the center of africa descended from the people of the moon proved by an inscription in africa and by the analogy of their language which is also the same with that of the ancient sythians the baron is declared sovereign of the interior of africa on the decease of the emperor he endeavors to abolish the custom of eating live bulls which excites much discontent the advice of halar of frostacos upon the occasion the baron makes a speech to an assembly of the states which only excites greater murmurs he consults with halar of frostacos having passed over the nearest mountains we entered a delightful veil where we perceived a multitude of persons at a feast of living bulls whose flesh they cut away with great knives making a table of the creature's carcass serenaded by the bellowing of the unfortunate animal nothing seemed requisite to add to the barbarity of this feast but kava made as described in cooks voyages and at the conclusion of the feast we perceived them brewing this liquor which they drank with the utmost avidity from that moment inspired with an idea of universal benevolence i determined to abolish the custom of eating live flesh and drinking of kava but i knew that such a thing could not be immediately affected whatever in future time might be performed having rested ourselves during a few days we determined to set out towards the principal city of the empire the singularity of our appearance was spoken of all over the country as a phenomenon the multitude looked upon sphinx the bulls the crickets the balloons and the whole company as something more than terrestrial but especially the thunder of our firearms which struck horror and amazement into the whole nation we at length arrived at the metropolis situated on the banks of a noble river and the emperor attended by all his court came out in grand procession to meet us the emperor appeared mounted on a dromedary royally comparisoned with all his attendants on foot through respect for his majesty he was rather above the middle stature of that country four feet three inches in height with accountants like all his countrymen as white as snow he was preceded by a band of most exquisite music according to the fashion of the country and his whole retinue halted within about fifty paces of our troop we returned the salute by a discharge of musketry and a flourish of our trumpets and martial music i commanded our caravan to halt and dismounting advanced uncovered with only two attendants towards his majesty the emperor was equally polite and descending from his dromedary advanced to meet me i am happy said he to have the honor to receive so illustrious a traveler and assure you that everything in my empire shall be at your disposal i thanked his majesty for his politeness and expressed how happy i was to meet so polished and refined to people in the center of africa and that i hope to show myself and company grateful for his esteem by introducing the arts and sciences of europe among the people i immediately perceived the true descent of this people which does not appear of terrestrial origin but descended from some of the inhabitants of the moon because the principal language spoken there and in the center of africa is very nearly the same their alphabet and method of writing are pretty much the same and show the extreme antiquity of this people and their exalted origin i here give you a specimen of their writing vide atricoxus the original hungarian page 46 stregna dana scut up these characters i have submitted to the inspection of a celebrated antiquarian and it will be proved to the satisfaction of everyone in his next volume what an immediate intercourse there must have been between the inhabitants of the moon and the ancient sithians which sithians did not by any means inhabit a part of russia but the central part of africa as i can abundantly prove to my very learned and laborious friend the above words written in our characters are sregna dana scut up that is the sithians are of heavenly origin the word sregna which signifies sithians is compounded of sreg or sray whence our present english word sire or sir and nah or nah knowledge because the sithians united the essentials of nobility and learning together dana signifies heaven or belonging to the moon from duna who is anciently worshipped as goddess of that luminary and scut up signifies the origin or beginning of anything from scu the name used in the moon for a point in geometry and top or top vegetation these words are inscribed at this day upon a pyramid in the center of africa nearly at the source of the river niger and if anyone refuses his assent he may go there to be convinced the emperor conducted me to his court amidst the admiration of his courtiers and paid us every possible politeness that african magnificence could bestow he never presumed to proceed on any expedition without consulting us and looking upon us as a species of superior beings paid the greatest respect to our opinions he frequently asked me about the states of europe and the kingdom of great britain and appeared lost in admiration at the account i gave him of our shipping and the immensity of the ocean we taught him to regulate the government nearly on the same plan with the british constitution and to institute a parliament and degrees of nobility his majesty was the last of his royal line and on his decease with the unanimous consent of the people made me heir to the whole empire the nobility and chiefs of the country immediately waited upon me with petitions in treating me to accept the government i consulted with my noble friends gog and mogog etc and after much consultation it was agreed that i should accept the government not as actual and independent monarch of the place but as viceroy to his majesty of england i now thought at high time to do away with the custom of eating of live flesh and drinking of kava and for that purpose used every persuasive method to wean the majority of the people from it this to my astonishment was not taken in good part by the nation and they looked with jealousy at those strangers who wanted to make innovations among them nevertheless i felt much concerned to think that my fellow creatures could be capable of such barbarity i did everything that a heart fraught with universal benevolence and goodwill to all mankind could be capable of desiring i first tried every method of persuasion and incitement i did not harshly reprove them but i invited frequently whole thousands to dine after the fashion of europe upon roasted meat last was all in vain my goodness nearly excited a sedition they murmured among themselves spoke of my intentions my wild and ambitious views as if i o heaven could have had any personal interested motive in making them live like men rather than like crocodiles and tigers in fine perceiving that gentleness could be of no avail well knowing that when complacence can affect nothing from some spirits compulsion excites respect and veneration i prohibited under the pain of the severest penalties the drinking of kava or eating of live flesh for the space of nine days within the districts of angelenar and pavagalna but this created such a universal abhorrence and detestation of my government that my ministers and even myself were universally pasquinadoed lampoon satires ridicule and insult were showered upon the name of moonshows and wherever it was mentioned and in fine there never was a government so much detested or with such little reason in this dilemma i had recourse to the advice of my noble friend helaro frostacos in his good sense i now expected some resource for the rest of the council who had advised me to the former method had given but a poor specimen of their abilities and discernment or i should have succeeded more happily in short he addressed himself to me and to the council as follows it is in vain most noble moonshowson that your excellency endeavors to compel or force these people to a life to which they have never been accustomed in vain do you tell them that apple pies pudding roast beef minced pies or tarts are delicious that sugar is sweet that wine is exquisite alas they cannot they will not comprehend what deliciousness is what sweetness or what the flavor of the grape and even if they were convinced of the superior excellence of your way of life never never would they be persuaded and that if for no other reason but because force or persuasion is employed to induce them to it abandon that idea for the present and let us try another method my opinion therefore is that we should at once cease all endeavors to compel or persuade them but let us if possible procure a quantity of fudge from england and carelessly scattered it all over the country and from this disposal of matters i presume nay i have a moral certainty that we shall reclaim this people from horror and barbarity have this been proposed at any other time it would have been violently opposed in the council but now when every other attempt had failed when there seemed no other resource the majority willingly submitted to they knew not what for they absolutely had no idea of the manner the possibilities of success or how they could bring matters to bear however it was a scheme and as such they submitted for my part i listened with ecstasy to the words of halar of frostacos for i knew that he had a most singular knowledge of humankind and could humor and persuade them on their own happiness and universal good therefore according to the advice of halaro i dispatched a balloon with four men over the desert to the cape of good hope with letters to be forwarded to england requiring without delay a few cargoes of fudge the people had all this time remained in a general state of ferment and murmur everything that rancor low wit and deplorable ignorance could conceive to espouse my government was put in execution the most worthy even the most beneficent actions everything that was amiable were perverted into opposition the heart of moon chousen was not made of such impenetrable stuff as to be insensible to the hatred of even the most worthless wretch in the whole kingdom and once at a general assembly of the states filled with an idea of such continued ingratitude i spoke as pathetic as possible not me thought beneath my dignity to make them feel for me that the universal good and happiness of the people were all i wished or desired that if my actions had been mistaken or improper surmises formed still i had no wish no desire but the public welfare et cetera et cetera et cetera elara frostakos was all this time much disturbed he looked sternly at me he frowned but i was so engrossed with the warmth of my heart my intentions that i understood him not in a minute i saw nothing but as if through a cloud such as the force of amiable sensibility lords ladies chiefs the whole assembly seemed to swim before my sight the more i thought on my good intentions the lampoons which so much affected my delicacy good nature tenderness i forgot myself i spoke rapid violent beneficence fire tenderness alas i melted into tears pitch pitch said helara frostakos now indeed was my government lampoon satirized carabinadoed bepickled and bedeviled one day with my arm full of lampoons i started up as helaro entered the room the tears in my eyes look look here helaro how can i bear all this it is impossible to please them i will leave the government i cannot bear it see what pitiful anecdotes what surmises i will make my people feel for me i will leave the government fashon says helaro at that simple mono syllable i found myself changed as if by magic for i ever looked on helaro as a person so experienced such fortitude such good sense there are three sails under the convoy of a frigate at a telaro just arrived at the cape after a fortunate passage laden with the fudge that we demanded no time is to be lost let it be immediately conducted hither and distributed through the principal granaries of the empire end chapter 26 chapter 27 of baron munchhausen this is a libravox recording all libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit libravox.org the surprising adventures of baron munchhausen by rudolf eric rasp chapter 27 a proclamation by the baron excessive curiosity of the people to know what fudge was the people in a general ferment about it they break open all the granaries in the empire the affections of the people conciliated an ode performed in honor of the baron his discourse with the fregrancia on the excellence of the music some time after i ordered the following proclamation to be published in the court gazette and in all the other papers of the empire by the most mighty and puissant lord his excellency the lord baron munchhausen whereas a quantity of fudge has been distributed through all the granaries of the empire for particular uses and as the natives have ever expressed the reversion to all manner of european eatables it is hereby strictly forbidden under pain of the severest penalties for any of the officers charged with the keeping of the said fudge to give sell or suffer to be sold any part or quantity whatever of the said material until it be agreeable unto our goodwill and pleasure dated in our castle of gristariska this triskel of the month of grishkish in the year mulik asra navas kashna vildas this proclamation excited the most ardent curiosity all over the empire do you know what this fudge is said lady mushel garusti to do donal garnell fudge said he fudge no what fudge i mean replied her ladyship the enormous quantity of fudge that has been distributed under guards in all the strong places in the empire and which is strictly forbidden to be sold or given to any of the natives under the severest penalties lord replied he what in the name of wonder can it be forbidden why it must but pray you do lady fashashash do you know what this fudge is do you lord trust till you or you miss gristar kask what nobody knows what this fudge can be it engrossed for several days the chit chat of the whole empire fudge fudge fudge resounded in all companies and in all places from the rising until the setting of the sun and even at night when gentle sleep refreshed the rest of mortals the ladies of all that country were dreaming of fudge upon my honor said kitty as she was adjusting her modesty piece before the glass just after getting out of bed there scarce anything i would not give to know what this fudge can be la my dear replied miss kill nariska i have been dreaming the whole night of nothing but fudge i thought my lover kissed my hand and pressed it to his bosom while i frowning endeavored to rest it from him that he kneeled at my feet no never never will i look at you cried i till you tell me what this fudge can be or get me some of it begone cried i with all the dignity of offended beauty majesty and a tragic queen begone never see me no more or bring me this delicious fudge he swore on the honor of a night that he would wander o the world and counter every danger perish in the attempt or satisfy the angel of his soul the chiefs and nobility of the nation when they met together to drink their carver spoke of nothing but fudge men women and children all all talked of nothing but fudge it was a fury of curiosity one general ferment and universal fever nothing but fudge could allay it but in one respect they all agreed the government must have some interested view in giving such positive orders to preserve it and keep it from the natives of the country petitions were addressed to me from all quarters from every corporation and body of men in the whole empire the majority of the people instructed their constituents and the parliament presented a petition praying that i would be pleased to take the state of the nation under consideration and give orders to satisfy the people or the most dreadful consequences were to be apprehended to these requests at the entreaty of my council i made no reply or at best but unsatisfactory answers curiosity was on the rack they forgot to lampoon the government so engaged were they about the fudge the great assembly of the states could think of nothing else instead of enacting laws for the regulation of the people instead of consulting what should seem most wise most excellent they could think talk and harangue of nothing but fudge in vain did the speaker call to order the more checks they got the more extravagant and inquisitive they were in short the population in many places rose in the most outrageous and tumultuous manner forst open the granaries in all places in one day and triumphantly distributed the fudge through the whole empire whether on account of the longing the great curiosity imagination or the disposition of the people i cannot say but they found it infinity to their taste to his intoxication of joy satisfaction and applause finding how much they liked this fudge i procured another quantity from england much greater than the former and cautiously bestowed it over all the kingdom thus were the affections of the people regained and they from hence began to venerate applaud and admire my government more than ever the following ode was performed at the castle in the most superb style and universally admired ye bulls and crickets and gog mah gog and trumpets high chiming anthropog come sing blithe choral all in aug cavallog basalog fog and bog great and superb appears thy cap sublime admired and worshipped as the rising sun solemn majestic wise like horrid hymn and famed alike for virtue sense and fun then swell the noble strain with song and elegance divine while goddesses around shall throng and all the muses nine and bulls and crickets and gog mah gog and trumpets chiming anthropog shall sing blithe choral all in aug carallog basalog fog and bog this piece of poetry was much applauded admired and uncalled in every public assembly celebrated as an astonishing effort of genius and the music composed by min here gas trash bark geek rig bohishik was thought equal to the sense never was there anything so universally admired the summit of the most exquisite wit the keenest braze the most excellent music upon my honor and the faith i owe my love said i music may be talked of in england but to possess the very soul of harmony the world should come to the performance of this ode lady fragrancia was at that moment drumming with her fingers upon the edge of her fan lost in reverie thinking she was playing upon was it a forte piano no my dear fragrancia said i tenderly taking her in my arms while she melted into tears never never will i play upon any other oh it was divine to see her like a summer's morning or blushing in full of dew end of chapter 27 recording by christopher saner chapter 28 of baren munchausen this is a libra vox recording all libra vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit libravox.org recording by chris saner the surprising adventures of baren munchausen by rudolf eric rasp chapter 28 chapter 28 the baren sets all the people of the empire to work to build a bridge from their country to great britain his contrivance to render the art secure orders of an inscription to be engraved on the bridge returns with all his company chariot etc to england surveys the kingdom's inations under him from the middle of the bridge and now most noble baren said the illustrious allara of rostecos now is the time to make this people proceed in any business that we find convenient take them at this present moment of the mind and let them not think but at once set them to work in short the whole nation went heartily to the business to build an edifice such as was never seen in any other country i took care to supply them with their favorite cover and fudge and they worked like horses the tower of babelon which according to hermo gastricus was seven miles high or the chinese wall was a mere trifle in comparison to this stupendous edifice which was completed in a very short space of time it was of an immense height far beyond anything that had ever before been erected and of such gentle ascent that a regiment of cavalry with a train of canon could ascend with perfect ease and facility it seemed like a rainbow in the heavens the base of which appeared to rise in the center of africa and the other extremity seemed a stoop into great britain a most noble bridge indeed and a piece of masonry that has outdone sir christopher ren wonderful must it have been to form so tremendous an arch especially as the artists had certain difficulties to labor against which they could not have in the formation of any other arch in the world i mean the attraction of the moon and planet because the arch was of so greater height and in some parts so elongated from the earth as in a great measure to diminish in its gravitation to the center of our globe or rather seemed more easily operated upon by the attraction of the planets so that the stones of the arch one would think at certain times were ready to fall up to the moon and at other times to fall down to the earth but as the former was more to be dreaded i secured stability to the fabric by a very curious contrivance i ordered the architects to get the heads of some hundred numb skulls and blockheads and fix them to the interior surface of the arch at certain intervals all the whole length by which means the arch was held together firm and its inclination to the earth eternally established because of all the things in the world the skulls of these kinds of animals have a strange facility of tending to the center of the earth the building being completed i caused an inscription to be engraved in the most magnificent style upon the summit of the arch in letters so great and luminous that all vessels sailing to the east or west indies might read them distinct in the heavens like the motto of constantine that is to say as long as this arch and bond of union shall exist so long shall the people be happy nor can all the power of the world affect them unless the moon advancing from her usual sphere should so attract the skulls as to cause a sudden elevation on which the whole will fall into the utmost horrible confusion an easy intercourse being thus established between great britain and the center of africa numbers traveled continually to and from both countries and at my request mail coaches were ordered to run on the bridge between both empires after some time having settled the government to my satisfaction i requested permission to resign as a great cabal had been excited against me in england i therefore received my letters of recall and prepared to return to old england in fine i set out upon my journey covered with applause in general admiration i proceeded with the same retinue that i had before sphinx gorg and magog etc and advanced along the bridge lined on each side with rows of trees adorned with festoons of various flowers and illuminated with colored lights we advanced at a great rate along the bridge which was so very extensive that we could scarcely perceive the ascent but proceeded insensibly until we arrived on the center of the arch the view from thence was glorious beyond conception to his divine to look down on the kingdoms and seas and islands near us africa seemed in general of a tony brownish color burned up by the sun spain seemed more inclined to a yellow on account of some fields of corn scattered over the kingdom france appeared more inclined to a bright straw color intermixed with green and england appeared covered with the most beautiful verdure i admired the appearance of the Baltic sea which evidently seemed to have been introduced between those countries by the sudden splitting of the land and that originally sweden was united to the western coast of denmark in short the whole interstice of the gulf of finnand had no being until these countries by mutual consent separated from one another such were my philosophical meditations as i advanced when i observed a man in armor with a tremendous spear or or lance and mounted upon a steed advancing against me i soon discovered by a telescope that it could be no other than dunkey hotey and promised myself much amusement in the encounter end of chapter 28 chapter 29 of baron munchausen this is a libra vox recording all libra vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit libra vox.org recording by chris sanner the surprising adventures of baron munchausen by rudolf eric rasp chapter 29 the baron's retinue is opposed in a heroic style by dunkey hotey who in his turn is attacked by golgan agong lord whitington with the lord mage show comes to the assistance of dunkey hotey gorg and megog assail his lordship lord whitington makes a speech and deludes gorg and megog to his party a general scene of uproar and battle among the company until the baron with great presence of mind upheases the tumult what art thou exclaim dunkey hotey on his potent steed who art thou speak or by the eternal vengeance of my arm thy whole machinery shall perish at the sound of this my trumpet astonished at so rude a salutation the great sphinx stopped short and bridling up herself drew in her head like a snail when it touches something that it does not like the bulls set up a horrid bellowing the crickets sounded an alarm and gorg and megog advanced before the rest one of these powerful brothers had in his hand a great pole to the extremity of which was fastened a cord of about two feet in length and to the end of the cord was fastened a ball of iron with spikes shooting from it like the rays of a star with this weapon he prepared to encounter and advancing thus he spoke audacious white that thus incompletes the arrayed doth dare to venture cross my way to stop the great munchausen no then proud night that thou shalt instant perish beneath my potent arm when key hotey manches night responded firm gigantic monster leader of witches crickets and chimeras dire no thou that here before yon as your heaven the cause of truth of valor and of faith right pure shall ordeal counter try it thus he spoke and brandishing his mighty spear with instant prodigy sublime perform had not some white placed beneath the tail of dark rosinante furs all thorny base at which quadrupedanting plunged the steed an instant on the earth and night rod credo for his life at that same moment ten thousand frog started from the morians of gorgon mogorg and furiously assailed the night on every side in vain he roared and invoked their dulcinea del toboso for frogs wild croaking seemed more loud more sonorous than all his invocations and thus in battle vile the night was overcome and spawn all swarmed upon his glittering helmet detesti miscreants row the night avante enchanters dire and goblins could alone this arduous task perform to rout the night of mancha foul defeat and war even such as nair was known before then here o del toboso hear my vows that thus in anguish of my soul i urge meets frogs grid albin hekaton kai talon and the rove for such the names and definitions of their qualities their separate powers for merlin plumed their airy flight and then in watery moonbeam died his rod eccentric at the touch ten thousand frogs strange metamorphosed crooked even thus and here they come on high behest to vilify the night that erst defended famed virginity and matrons all be wronged and pilgrims whore and courteous guys of all but the age of chivalry is gone and the glory of europe is extinguished forever he spake and sudden good lord whitington at head of all his rary show came forth antique armor of chivalry and helmets old and troops all streamers flags and banners glittering gay red golden purple and in every hand a square of gingerbread all gilded nice was brandished awful at a word ten thousand naples biscuits crackers buns and flannel cakes and hats of gingerbread and counted in midair and glorious exaltation like some huge storm of millstones or when it rains how clouds of dogs and cats the frogs astonished thunderstruck forgot their notes and music the before had seemed so terrible and drowned the cries of night renown and mute in wonder heard the words of whitington pronouncing solemn goblins chimera's dire or frogs or whatsoever enchantment thus presents an antique shape attend and hear the words of peace and thou good herald read aloud the riot act he ceased and dismal was the tone that softly breed from all the frogs in chorus who quick had petrified with fright unless redoubted gorg and mogog both with poles high tupped with eerie bladders by a string dependent had not stormed against his lordship ever and an on the bladders loud and resounding on his chaps proclaimed a fury against all potent law coercive mayorality when he submissive thus in cunning guile addressed the knights assailant gorg mogog renown and famous what my sons shall you assail your father friend in chief confessed shall you thus armed with bladders vile attack my title eminence and pomp sublime subside vile discord and again return to your true legions think my friends how oft your gorgeous pouch I've crammed all callipash green fat and callopee remember how you feasted stood inert for ages until size immense you've gained and think how different is in the service of moon chousen where you oh seas cold and briny float along the tide eternal toiling like the slaves of algias and triply and even on high balloon like through the heavens have journeyed late upon a rainbow or some awful bridge stretched eminent as if on earth he had not worked sufficient to distress your potent servitudes but he should also seek in heaven dire calls of labor recollect my friends even why or wherefore you'd thus assail your lawful magistrate or why desert his livery awful what a wherefore serve this german lord moon chousen who for all your label shall alone bestow some fudge and heroic blows in war then cease and thus an amity return to friendship aldermanic bungee brown and sober cease he then right worshipful when both the warring champions instant stem their battle and in sign of peace and unity returning need their feet recline their weapons sudden at a signal either stamped his foot sinisterine and the loud report of burst in bladder stunned each surrounding ear like the roar of thunder from on high convulsing heaven and earth it was now upon the saddle once again the night of manta rose and in his hand far balancing his lance full tilt against the troops of bulls opposing run thou shrill krill it will kill then whom no cricket err on hobble rural cottage or chimney black more glad some turned his merry note in thou didst perish shrieking gave the ghost in empty air the sport of every wind for in that heart so jockened and so gay was pierced harsh spitted by the lance of monsha while on daunted thou didst sit between the horns that crowd maumovsky and now wittington advanced midst armor antique and the powers mogog and gorg and with his rod enchanting touched the head of every frog long mute and thunderstruck at which in universal chorus and salute they sung blithe jockened and a main advanced rebellious against my troop while sphinx though great gigantic seemed instinctive basin cowardly and at the sight of storming gingerbread and powers mogog and gorg and kihote all against her started fierce a turning boat balloons and all loud roar the bulls hideous and the crash of wheels and chaos of confusion drear resounded far from earth to heaven and still more fierce in charge the great lord wittington from poke of ermine his framed gremolkin took she screamed and harsh attacked my bulls confounded lightning like she darted and from half the troop their eyes devouring tore nor could the riders crickets thrown sublime escape from rage from fury less averse than cannon's murder or the stormy sea the great maumovsky roar de main and plunged in anguish shunning every dart of fire-eyed fierce gremolkin dire the rage of warfare and contending crickets kihote and great mogog when wittington advancing good my friends and warriors headlong on the faux bear down in petuous he spoke and waving high the mighty rod tipped wonderful each bull at which more fierce the creatures bellowed while enchantment drear devoured their vitals and all had gone to wreck in more than mortal strife unless like neptune orient from the stormy deep i arose in towering all the ruins of my fighting troops serene and carl my steward and gazed around undaunted nor did ought oppose my foes in petuous but sudden from chariot purses plentiful of fudge poured forth and scattered it a main over all the crowd contending as when old katharine or the careful jone doth scatter to the chickens bits of bread and crumbs fragmented while rejoiced they gobble fast the proffered scraps in general plenty and fraternal peace and hush she cries hush hush end of chapter 29