Good morning, and welcome to another episode of Condo Insider. My name is Jane Sugimura, and I'm your host. And this is a show for people who live in condos or work or have anything to do with condominiums. And my guest today is Rellene Tenno, and she's the program director for Hawaii Council of Association of Apartment Owners, and thank you for coming to be on our show today. Thank you for having me. It's great to be here. And today's topic, and this is a topic that creates a lot of angst amongst our constituents, which are associations and people who live in condominiums, and that's pets and condos. And there are people who would say, well, you know, you can't call them pets because they are comfort animals, service animals, and that's what we're going to be discussing today. You know, why is this big issue with pets and condos? And the Hawaii Council is going to have a seminar on November 14th, and this is one of the things that are going to be discussed. Yes, it is, pets and service animals. And why don't you just tell me in a nutshell what seems to be the controversy? Why is this a big deal? Well, you know, you have these condos that were built originally like in the 70s or 80s, and they were built as no-pet buildings. But as time has gone on, you have some people that are, well, I have a dog, I want my dog here.  And there's reasons why it's a no-pet building, was originally done as a no-pet building. And you know, some people are, want it on the board or current owners want it to remain as a no-pet building. And then you can amend your bylaws, and some buildings like my building, we amended our bylaws maybe 20 years ago to do, have no-pets. And so that was by 67% of the owners at that time. And so we have a, our building has a no-pets policy. And so that's, you know, if you have buildings who have no-pet policies, why is there this issue about having pets and condos? So, you know, it's people that are renting, and it's the property managers or the realtors, you know, they really want it, they have a duty to get it rented for the investor owner. So, they try to get just essentially anybody, you know, so. So it's a matter of educating our owners. Right, yeah. You know, it's a no-pet building, it's in the docks. Even when you purchase it, you're obligated as a buyer to look over those documents. Even the realtor is obligated to look over those documents of the building that she's selling. And that's a fiduciary duty to disclose that information to her buyer.  Correct. Right? Because they might have allergies. You have people who are afraid of dogs or don't want to live in a building where you have animals making noises, barking and mowing and whatnot. And so they choose to live in a building with no-pets. So it's kind of irritating to them.  And you know, it's like, it's very irritating. It's like, we are a no-pets building. Why are we allowing pets in our building? It's very irritating. Yeah. Yeah. And I agree. And I think there are enough buildings in town, right, that are, I mean, you can go to Humane Society, they give you a list of pet-friendly buildings, and you can go on the internet. And that's one of the things that are listed as one of the benefits of living in that particular building. It'll say, we're pet-friendly. Correct. Correct. So people with pets, if they want to live in a condominium, they're, I mean, it's not like they can't find buildings that are pet-friendly. Correct. And so they should respect the fact that some buildings don't want pets and, you know, look, you know, don't look kindly on people who have pets and come into their building.  And it's like, well, you know, we are no-pets building. And so, you know, that's, I think, to be expected because, you know, the question to me is, why are we allowing these animals in the building? So why are we allowing the animals in the building? You know, you have the people that have comfort animals or assistance animals or therapy animals. You know. Well, let's talk about the ones that are okay. Okay. The service animals. The service animals. Right? Everybody agrees that under federal and state law, you can have a service animal. Correct. Because they're specially trained. Yes. And, you know, we, I want to, you know, make the statement now, there is no federal or Hawaii state registry or certification for service animals. Correct. So people who go out on the internet and they buy these certificates and the jackets with the logos that say service animals, that stuff is bogus and we all know it. And for people who come and try to do that, I mean, we tell them very nicely that there is no registry, there is no certification for a service animal in the state of Hawaii. Thank you very much. What does your animal do? What task does he perform? What task does he perform? A perform. Right. Yeah. Which is about the only question you can ask if the disability is not obvious. Correct. Right? Correct. You cannot ask them about their disability at all. Right.  They are trained. So they're not going to bark or make noise. They're not aggressive. And they're not going to pee in the lobby and things like that. And so that kind of alleviates some of the concerns that people would have. But then you get this whole other category of comfort animals, therapy animals, and what is it? So where do these terms come from? You know, I don't know. I think it was someone just started it and it just kind of took off, you know, or some people say I have a dog because he comforts me at night, you know, but they're not real service dogs. But they are recognized. Well, the reason why service animals are allowed in condominiums is because of a federal law called Fair Housing, right? Correct. Fair Housing basically says that you cannot discriminate in housing for persons with disabilities. And if a disabled person needs a service animal to assist them in their daily functions, then you as the association cannot bar that resident from having a service animal. And this is very serious. And so I think everybody recognizes that the service animal is the exception to the no pets rule in a condominium. I think what people are having problems with is the other categories. The comfort, the therapy, the dogs, and the assistance animals, because the definitions surrounding them are so vague. And like in our building, we gave somebody a citation, our manager gave somebody a citation for having a pet. And they acknowledged it was their pet. And then the next thing we know, we get a request for reasonable accommodation. Now the animal has somehow magically become a comfort animal. Because a true service dog or a pony, they're really supposed to even accompany you everywhere. They're with you 24-7. So if you go to work, the dog is supposed to go with you as well. So a comfort animal, people don't bring their animals into the workplace. Normally it's not allowed. Employers don't allow animals into the workplace. So if you leave it at home, it's not really a true comfort or service dog, you know? So it's a pet. It's a pet. And there are ways. And one of the, I guess, one of the challenges that associations face is there's an agency in Hawaii called the Civil Rights Commission. And the Civil Rights Commission is tasked in enforcing the fair housing rules. One of them is discrimination in housing for disabled persons. And disabled persons, under the commission's definition, is much broader than the fair housing. Right? Because then the Civil Rights Commission allows for comfort animals. Which one? I believe it's opposite. The fair housing is more broader than the civil rights under the Department of Justice. Okay. Yeah. Fair housing is a little bit more broader. Okay. Whereas the Department of Justice Civil Rights section, it specifically talks about the service dog and having it, having your request for reasonable accommodation done by an authorized medical provider. Not just a physician, not an eye doctor. Or, in our case, a doctor who lives in Lincoln, Nebraska, or a report that's maybe five years old. Right. You know, as a board, we get these letters. And under fair housing and the Civil Rights Commission oversight, we are required to allow an animal, a resident to have an animal, if this licensed professional writes and says, basically, and I'm paraphrasing, the thing is, you know, Jane Doe, who lives in your building, is my patient or my client. And this person has a mental or a physical disability because they don't have to describe or name the disability under the fair housing. They have a disability and this animal would relieve some of the symptoms of the disability. And we are requesting a reasonable accommodation to allow Jane Doe to have her assistance animal. That's the type of letter we get. And when we get that letter, if it's from a licensed professional, and if it's within 90 days, and if they're in Hawaii, we basically have to say, well, okay, you know, and, you know, we approve that accommodation. But in our building, and I know a lot of buildings who do this, when we send the letter to the resident saying, we've approved your reasonable accommodation, we put in there because it's not a service animal, okay, we put in there. But we have rules about how you have to take care of your dog or your cat.  Right? So then it becomes a nuisance and you will have to get rid of it. You can't do that with a service animal. We can do it with a comfort animal or an assistance animal. The service animal, they're trained, they're specifically trained, and I believe it takes like a year to train a true service animal. And normally they're always, they're known and they know to always be leashed. Right. And, and you know, to me, I've been around, you know, service animals and, and there's, they have a certain demeanor. Yeah. They, they are very docile, they're usually, you know, when, when, when the person who has them, they're either, you know, when, when they're lying down and, you know, they're under the table or under the chair, and they're very quiet. You wouldn't even know that they're around. And but, you know, they, they, they act on commands, they are not aggressive.   It's not jumpy. It's just calm. It just really stays put. Right. And, and, and so I don't think the, the concern that is raised by people who live in condos is with service animals. It's this other, the other category. And we'll, we'll be talking more about that other category, you know, when we come back, but we're going to take a one minute break now and then we'll come back and discuss the other category of animals. Okay. Hi, I'm Rusty Komori, host of Beyond the Lines. I was the head coach for the Punahou Boys varsity tennis team for 22 years, and we're fortunate to win 22 consecutive state championship. This show is based on my book, which is also titled Beyond the Lines, and it's about leadership, creating a superior culture of excellence, achieving and sustaining success, and finding greatness. If you're a student, parent, sports or business person, and want to improve your life and the lives of people around you, tune in and join me on Mondays at 11 a.m. as we go beyond the lines on Think Tech Hawaii. Aloha. Aloha, my name is Duration. You are watching Think Tech Hawaii. I will be hosting a show here every other Wednesday at 1 p.m., and we will be talking to a lot of experts and guests around sustainability, social justice, the future here in Hawaii, progressive politics, and a whole lot more. So please tune in, and thank you for watching Think Tech Hawaii. Okay. Thank you for joining us after the break. We're talking to Raylene Tenno. She's the program director for Hawaii Council of Association of Apartment Owners, and we're talking about pets and condos. And the council's having a lunch and seminar, right? November 14th. Correct. At the Hale Koa. At the Hale Koa, and so we're going to be having, who's going to be talking about this topic? We have Dennis Perez, who's a psychologist at Triple Hospital, and also assisting him will be Attorney David Major. And they were involved in a lawsuit recently, right? Correct. It was with the condo and civil rights commission. So what was the issue? Look, the tenant or resident had requested for reasonable accommodation, and they had like several dogs, more than one dog. They approved one. But the second one, when the association also, in their thing, did their due diligence discovered some of the documents were fraudulent. Oh. They weren't, I believe the doctor, they called the doctor, and the doctor had never seen the patient. I believe that was one of the issues with that. Okay. But for the listening audience, this is, and we're talking to people who might be concerned if, you know, people who, residents, you know, come in with animals that are not service animals. Correct. Because that's where the problem seems to be. And you know, this is an issue that the board needs to deal with, with their association general counsel, because it involves a lot of legal issues.  But before you make that call to the doctor, make sure you call your association general counsel to make sure you're asking the right questions. Right. Because you could get into trouble. Yep. You can get into hippovirulations. Because he's not supposed to disclose. Right.  And you know, medical information regarding a patient is considered private. And under state and federal law, I mean, the medical professional cannot discuss it. And with the letters requesting a reasonable accommodation, they're not allowed or they should not talk about what the disability is that they're requesting a reasonable accommodation for, right? Right. And so, you know, this is an area that's kind of fraught with a lot of pitfalls.  Right. So, you have to keep in tune with your attorney on this journey when it comes to animals and what your condo is going to do about this animal, growing animal situation. Because the Civil Rights Commission, I mean, that's the boogeyman in the room, right? Yes. And the Civil Rights Commission is, you know, something, it's a Hawaii agency. And you know, one of their tasks is to enforce the fair housing rules. And, you know, one of the things that they do is they do investigations. Correct. They hold hearings. And they issue huge fines. Yeah. I mean, you can get it for a fine for $25,000. And I can remember being in a situation like that with our building and we turned it over to our council. And our council basically said, just pay it. And it's like, excuse me. But, you know, we don't think that it's right. You know, we want to fight it. And they said, well, if you fight it, then you're going to do it without the insurance company. And so we ended up settling with the Civil Rights Commission.   And so rather than go to hearing, we settled. You know, the Civil Rights Commission is known for issuing huge fines. Yep. They're like worse than God. They're worse than a judge. I mean, you just don't fight them. Right. And they can be very obnoxious. But you know, and they offer, and one of the things, too, is once they find that you go through settlement, they make you go through training, you know. That's right.  And therefore, as part of the settlement, your people have to be trained so that you don't make these mistakes again. And it includes even the managing agent had to be included in that training. Right. And so, you know, and I know with the Civil, the Hawaii Civil Rights Commission, they do all-day training. Yes. Yes. It's, yeah. For compliance. Right. It's arduous. Right. Anyway, so this is why, you know, people, you know, if you're upset about the pets and condos, I mean, you want to make sure that your board discusses all the issues with association general counsel and that you have a general counsel guiding you. First of all, you make sure your general counsel understands fair housing. Correct. Right. Correct. It means, and I, it's unbelievable that in this day and age that there might be attorneys who represent condominiums that don't know that fair housing applies to condominiums. And the Comparable Law is ADA, which is the Americans for Disabilities Act. The disability act. Right. That applies to commercial buildings. So the ADA for residential buildings is fair housing.  Right. There's all of these rules. And it shows very, very complicated. And the fact that you might be living in a building that is a no pets building but somehow has all these animals running around, you know, you figure, wait a minute, why is the board doing this? Why can't the board stop it? Well, it's a little bit difficult. Yeah. It's very complicated and you really, you really walk that fine line in trying to enforce it a lot of times. And what we were talking about, too, before the show, we were talking about maybe prospective legislation. Right. Yes. And this is something that the White Council would probably be in support of. And one thing is to probably set some guidelines as to who can write the letters asking for reasonable accommodation because right now it's a whole, there's really no guidelines. And like I was telling you, you know, we denied a letter from a dentist, right? We denied a letter from a doctor in Lincoln, Nebraska.   Correct. They have to say in the letter, this is my client, this is my patient. And this patient has a disability. And I mean, we don't care what the disability is, we don't want to know, but they have to say that there's a disability and that this animal is going to alleviate symptoms of the disability and they sign it. And I guess the issue is there's concern that some of the licensed professionals are maybe fudging when they write these letters. Yes, they are. Some of them are fraudulently writing these letters to assist. And some of them may not even be a professional, someone that they know and is just trying to help somebody out and is writing a letter, but it's still not an appropriate type of letter to submit for someone. And in some cases, the social workers can, and I, you know, until a couple of months ago, I didn't even know that they licensed social workers, but I was chastised and I know now that in Hawaii we have licensed social workers. Licensed clinical social workers. Right.  And anyway, yes, so, you know, you can get a letter from a licensed social worker. Typically, that person should know you or have treated you at some point in time, you know, not just someone that you know, that's an LCSW, you know, it has to be someone that has treated you or is your case manager, you know, but even still I would question whether they're really qualified because it comes under a mental health category. Right. And I think a lot of people, especially the people who grumble, who live in a no pets building and then they see all these animals coming in and when they're told, oh, we have to give them a reasonable accommodation because they came with this letter.  They don't have, you know, they don't have a mental or physical condition where they need the animal. Right. And this is all bogus. And sometimes it is.  And I'm like, no, that really isn't realistic. Yeah.  It is. To give us guidelines as to, because for those of us who sit on boards and we get these letters, it's like, oh my God, you know, it's like border code. Here's another one. Here's another one. And then you have to figure out if the person is real, if they're actually licensed, if they're currently licensed. And a good thing about Hawaii is you can go online. Right. The DCCA and you can find out who's licensed and who's not licensed. But you know, so that takes time.  And you know, so you know, we should be, so there should be like a law that says who can write the request for reasonable accommodations and say what they have to put down. And if they're licensed, we need to have their license number. Correct. The guidelines on who can, who cannot, what it should contain, they're one of their clients or one of their patients should be the number ones on the list. Same rules as, like I was saying earlier, when you get a handicap pass, they're searching criteria in order to pass, to get a handicap pass. So same thing with a service animal, should be the same type of guidelines. And so what would happen with this legislation? What would there be sanctions for people who issue these letters and they're not authorized? I, I really think it is because they're, they're licensed professionals. So they, I mean, just like an attorney, if they do wrong, they can end up losing their license. So there's ethical standards. There's ethical standards. Against their license. Yeah. Yeah. Same principle. Same thing. So basically, if you write the letter, then you have to certify and attest to the fact that the person you're writing the letter for is in fact your patient and not somebody who just walked in the door and handed you $50 to write this letter. Correct. Correct. Because that's what everybody thinks.  And so for those of you who want to follow this topic, come to our seminar on November 14th at the Halecoa, because we're going to have some professional psychologists, licensed psychologists, you know, they are talking about what can we do to address these issues that people have about pets and condos. So thank you for joining us today. Thank you, Raylene, for being with us. Thank you for having me. And please join us next week for another episode of Condo Insider. Thank you.


Hi, I'm Monica, a neuroscience postgraduate and medical student, and here are three common misconceptions about depression. Depression isn't a sign of laziness or self-pity, it's a mental health condition that is affected by both genetic and environmental factors. Depression is also not just about feeling sad. There are constellation of symptoms, the primary ones being low mood and the loss of interest in daily activities, but also other ones like weight changes, diet changes, concentration changes and more. And lastly, talking about depression doesn't make it worse. If you or someone else is experiencing symptoms of depression, it can be useful to contact a mental health professional or a primary care provider. You might be further evaluated, given recommendations for psychotherapy or for medications. Stay safe and follow Psych2Go for more.


My name is Mike Gray. I'm from Maine. I've lived in Maine my whole life. Right now I live in Lewiston. I just came in from the rain. I don't always look like I'm sweating profusely, but sometimes I do. About five to six years, I'm not counting 2020 because as far as my records show, it didn't exist, so I don't count that year. But yeah, about five or six. As my real life persona, I'm kind of quiet and I just kind of avoid people. But on stage I'm, say I'm angry. It's all the stuff that I can't say in real life. That's my stage persona. So, while I've had several worst gigs, one time I was at Panucci's in Concord, New Hampshire and I was on stage and it was a little stage barely raised up and the bathrooms were right next to the stage.  And yeah, that happened a few times at that place. The best gigs I've had here at the Franco, right here at CBU. I've had some of my best ones. The Shaskine, I've had some good ones. And yeah, typically don't write about anything unless it irritates me on some level. So if it's something that I find that is a contradiction or something I just don't like, or something with pop culture that I don't like, I'll start to just write it down. And I just start with a statement sometimes and then I just go from there and then I'll take all stuff out of it that I find funny and make a bit out of it. Yeah, Bill Hicks was the reason I started. And Doug Stanhope is one of my favorites. Jota Rosa lately has been one of my favorites and always Carlin, everybody loves Carlin and Bill Burr. And for Easter, yeah. Easter's one of my favorites because if you have a bunch of kids running around the party, I like to tell them there's Easter eggs hitting the woods. And see, my grandfather was a veteran so I guess I was born with this innate ability to read maps and apparently not everyone has because those kids don't always come back. I wouldn't have Easter any other way. I grew up in a small town a couple hours north of here called Carina. I don't know how many of you know Carina. Yeah, it's nothing to write about. But I grew up there and I didn't fit in as you can imagine because I looked like I fronted a Megadeth cover band, turned a magician or something. I'm not sure what my look is going for here. I couldn't go to town there. Every time I did I'd see this one guy and he would always have this rusted, shitty pickup and just tobacco spent all down his side door. He'd be revving up his engine, blaring country music out of it, impressing all the girls who wouldn't bang me because I'm too weird.  That guy was my high school drama coach. That he was the most liberal dude in the whole town. I was just glad it wasn't my shop teacher because I have no idea what I would do. He'd probably just tie me up and drag me for a few miles. That's what you get for not liking Toby Keith and having a crew cut like the rest of us. That is horrible, man.  Which, imagine how fun that sounds, right? Being raised in Jehovah's Witness, how fun that is. It's way worse.  I gotta walk the dog. I gotta get my coffee and then you get there and you mess up your coffee. And then you just choke it down because you need the caffeine.  I'm just not going to go in.  So you just open your car door and you just smash your hand in it.  That's actually more fun than being raised as Jehovah's Witness. Because at least if I did that, I could go home and beat off with my good hand and not feel guilty. And I'm fun. I went to, we used to go on a vacation every year and I just went to Texas. And the second time I went to Texas, first time I was like two years old and I don't really remember it.  That was our vacation for the next 15 to 20 years just talking about that vacation. My mother was always showing me pictures. Isn't this cool? You love them. I'm like, I'll take your word for it. I don't really remember any of it. Can we do this again maybe? Can we go back? I don't know, that's way out of the budget. But just having a child look like that, it's weird. My mom, despite all this, is proud of me.  It's a wonder I didn't, mom. With this upbringing, you're lucky right now I'm not just like a porcupine with just heroin needles on my back.  I mean, he's 23 years sober now, but that's when he died. So technically he's been sober for 23 years. And that wasn't fun. That was weird. Because he would yell at the dogs every night. I don't know why. He would just always yell at the dogs. And he would take it personally when the dog wouldn't come to him. He'd be sitting there in his recliner like, look at this, look at this, Mike. Look at this dog. She's staring right at me. I'm calling her name and she's not coming to me. Just look at her. Just looking right at me, not coming to me when I call her. Dad, the dog's deaf. She's not going to come to you. She can't hear you. She literally can't hear you. And then I bring friends over and that was a treat because he'd be giving me drunken life advice. I don't know if it's the best or the worst advice. It's entertaining, but it's not going to go anywhere. You could do anything you put your mind to, you know that. You could be anything you want to be. You just think really hard like you read the secret and he's drunkenly explaining the secret to me. You can do anything you want. You just put your mind to it.  My friend and I are going to go outside and hit each other with sticks because there's nothing else to do in this town. And my friends were always like, dude, is your dad drunk? You mean your dad's sober?  What kind of utopia do you live in? And do you have a spare bedroom? I think it's 222 now. And I think sometimes science has given us things that we don't need and nobody ever asked for. Is anyone else getting that from science? Because they've been talking about increasing the longevity of human life and they're saying we could see ages of up to 150 years. 150 years old. First of all, they're saying that like it's a good thing. And if that were the case, the age of retirement would be like 108. And if you wouldn't age gracefully, no matter how much they say 60 is the new 40. Well, even if 90 is the new 70, you're not going to want to work for another 18 years. You're probably going to age like a normal 90-year-old now and that's it.  I think we must have a storm coming in. 60 years just like that. That means you'd be middle-aged at 70. You want to have that mid-life crisis? You wanted to buy a Corvette or a Bolt impulsively. You're going to your 70 now. You want to run off with that hot 60-year-old? You've got to wait till you're 70 now. Can't do that. I don't want to be middle-aged when I'm 70. I want to be on debt's door when I'm 70. I want to have one foot in the grave with nicotine reaching for the other foot and depression behind me with a shovel. That's where I want to be at 70. Sounds like a good life to me. One thing science gave us is NASA. And I like astronomy. I think astronomy is really interesting. It's cool. It's wild physics and all that. I love learning about it. But it also doesn't really... NASA, what have they done? What their latest excursion was? They shot a rocket at a meteor to just crash it on the meteor. For no apparent reason, the meteor wasn't heading towards us. Just how many millions did we have to spend so some nerds could target practice? That's my question in all this. And besides, you know what NASA was? How it started? It was just dick-waving at the Russians. That's all it was, the whole thing. Like, oh, hey, were you getting over there, Ivan? Oh, you got Sputnik, cool. We got satellites, too, actually. Yeah, we made it to the moon first. Did you know that? We made it to the moon before you did. We're actually looking at Mars now, too.  Now that I've thoroughly depressed you, I want to bring up our first comic of the night. And this guy's awesome. I've worked with him several times. He's very funny. He once opened for the late Gilbert Godfrey. Very, very funny guy. Please welcome Nick Dufault. Hey, I'm Nick Dufault from Louis Domain. Actually, it is my four-year anniversary today. I had my graduation show, took an adult dead stand-up comedy class in April of 2018. So it's four years today. I think it's pretty close. I'm pretty self-deprecating. Probably some more on that later. But definitely a self-deprecating comic.  So I would say it's pretty close to who I am off the stage as well. My favorite gig by far, it's kind of timely with the recent passing of Gilbert Godfrey, my favorite comic, got to open for him two years ago in January of 2020 in Rumford at 49th Franklin. So that was amazing. Got to chat with him a bit. And he's such a cool character. And I love, love his act. And he's really going to be missed by everybody. As far as probably one of my worst gigs, there was a brewery show up north that I just really didn't hit at all.  And I'll have many more, but definitely just was not fun. And my best friend that was there with me said that he saw me quit during my set about three different times. So I quit comedy. Rathbroot Underground. Good evening. Mike said he looked like he fronted a Megadeth cover band.  A lot less edgy. So we're going to just get right to it. As Mike said, my name is Nick, and home Nick likes to say some things that are edgy or a little risque, but work Nick wouldn't do that. See, I enjoy having a job, and I try to keep it pretty PC at work as a result. I had a good friend at work, and she and I joke around a lot. And I remember one time in particular, I went to visit her in the office and she had a breakfast muffin on her desk. And I remember work Nick thinking in his head how funny it would be to randomly walk up and squash her breakfast against the desk to get a reaction out of her. But what home Nick said out loud to her was so what would you do if I just went down on your muffin right now? Another time we had a plot lock at work and somebody had made some potato salad that I wanted to try. But there weren't any serving spoons for it.  Am I supposed to eat it with my hands? But what home Nick said out loud to his female coworker was so what are we doing? Finger in this? I just don't learn. Another girl at work was telling me how she'd just come back from having a baby. She said a little later on in the conversation that she was getting ready to go do the mom thing. And it's in me I'm thinking oh, that's nice. She's at the end of her shift and she's going home to be with her kids. So I say enjoy that.  The mom thing that she was referring to was that she was going to pump. Now that I've got over the embarrassment I can't look at a glass of milk the same way. Every time I see one I'm the one that gets all pumped up you guys. Oh it's crazy. A lot of people are badass. I am not a badass or I am in my own right. And I have a lot of trouble with my feet so while my badass friends are busy trying to figure out which tattoo they're going to get next I'm busy trying to figure out which toenail I'm getting removed next. I'm addicted what can I say? Once you get one done badass is smoked pot. I have never smoked pot. And for the last 15 years when I go to my cousins for birthday parties I've thought he's had a skunk infestation in his house. I've given him an orc and gift card for Christmas as long as I can remember and the bastards never seem to appreciate it. I never knew why. My cousins always just like Why do you keep giving this to me? What am I supposed to do with it? It's just not going well for me. I went to visit my best friend and his wife right before she had a baby and I haven't been around a lot of pregnant women. I mean shocker, look at me. And I was pretty interested to hear what she was having to go through and I said to her never mind a whole new wardrobe you must need to buy a new coat when you're pregnant and everything. She says, yeah, I do need to buy a new coat when I'm pregnant. I said, oh that's funny, I have to buy a new jacket every nine months to have one that fits too.  She goes, oh absolutely. Me too, twinsies. It's just not going well for me with the ladies so I've spent a fair amount of time in the strip clubs and one time I went to a strip club in St. Louis and we got right in there and a stripper came right over and tried to entice me into getting a lap dance. I should tell you guys that I wrote my senior thesis in college on human trafficking in the United States. So I engaged in the very flirty and light banter of making sure she wasn't stripping against her will. You know, foreplay. It's just, it's crazy. I just, like, I do not want to be responsible for shooting a hostage if you know what I mean. That's not me. Where I haven't had much luck with the ladies I also figured out that they have condoms have expiration dates printed on them. You guys realize that's just a suggestion, right? That's just like the best buy date on food. You can still eat it.  And as a young teenager I figured I should start keeping a condom in my wallet just in case. Now that condom held the same significance as the red foam that was used for diplomacy between the USSR and the United States during the Cold War. You've got to make sure you have it. But 99.9% of the time you're never going to need to use it. When I wrote this joke it's here that I would say it's as likely that I get laid as we go through a nuclear apocalypse.  It's just, it's crazy. I went on a trip with my brother to see the Bruins play in Minnesota for his birthday and we ended up in a bar in Minneapolis. We wound up drinking this shot called a duck fart which is Kalua, Baileys and Crown Royal and I got messed up. Surprisingly whatever else happened that night only comes back to me in bits and pieces. After a few duck farts I remember simply quacking at the bartender in order to signal for a new round. Wank, wank, wank. I remember ending up in a diner and screaming at them. What kind of a diner doesn't have corned beef hash? Next thing I knew I was miraculously back in my hotel bed and was awoken by my brother yelling at me for pissing in his suitcase during the night. In my defense Samsonite is super waterproof. First birthday I got my brother a new urinal. I mean suitcase. Sorry. I've learned that there are three things sure about life, death, taxes, and if you order mozzarella sticks at a restaurant no matter who you're with, everyone at the table knows exactly how many mozzarella sticks everyone else has had.  You know what I hate? American cheese. How is the worst cheese named out for the greatest country in the world? Granted, American cheese is a product of industry and innovation but get that the hell away from me. However, if American cheese is all you have, give it to me. I'll take it. This chubby guy's not about to eat a regular hamburger. I'm no terrorist you guys. I love spicy food. I love it a lot. But I feel like this whole craze is going way too far. Nowadays everything is either spicy or flame and hot. There's flame and hot mac and cheese. Flame and hot smart food popcorn. Even flame and hot onions. When does it end? I saw an ad the other day and they're like bump up your soluble fiber intake with new flame and hot metamucil. How about no? And you guys know you know the next commercial we're going to be seeing is a guy coming home to his wife and he'll be like baby I know you said you want to spice up things in the bedroom. Sorry guys this flame and hot popcorn. But don't worry because it's Cheetos flavored for her pleasure. Growing up as a kid if I would be out in public with my parents together and they would introduce me to someone new that new person would invariably say I look just like my mother. Well that's when my dad would always speak up and say I look just like him from the waist down. I guess genetics is absolutely the reason why I've always hated my father. As I've alluded to multiple times I haven't had a lot of luck with the ladies but I did almost get some action recently even though I didn't want it. My uncle has a 240 pound bold mastiff named Tank. I went with my dad to visit my uncle and I sat on the futon. I didn't think much of it when Tank chucked up on the futon and sat behind me but I then became exceedingly concerned when I felt his massive paws on my shoulders. I then turned around in time to see his manhood exposed or doghood I guess really alright. Looking like a big pink crayon or as my uncle would say in his main accent Tanky's big pink crane so I start yelling at my dad and uncle for them to get the dog away but to my dismay they're both watching this all unfold doubled over and laughter. Thankfully I was able to get away from Tanky before any real damage was done and he got what he wanted. After I escaped I started screaming at my dad and uncle, what the hell why wouldn't you help me why wouldn't you get them off and my dad goes we were not about to help that dog get off I have these preconceived notions in my head that I can't seem to get rid of like every time I see a guy with a neck tattoo I say to myself don't ever trust anyone with a neck tattoo I think we're good I chucked all of you like it could be Steve from Blue's Clues singing along with a children's song but suddenly put a neck tattoo on that guy and I'm convinced that he just shanked five people ah man growing up it also didn't take me very long to figure out that I wasn't going to be very tall I got pretty depressed by this fact thinking what real mark on the world has a short guy ever made and then I thought of my dad's first cousin who was a jockey and won the Kentucky Derby in 1970 thinking that's it problem solved I'll just carry on the family legacy of being a winning jockey and then I happened to google the average weight of a winning jockey and discovered it to be about 125 pounds and that dream of mine went out the window in third grade you guys I do have a pending appeal out with Churchill Downs though to see if they'll allow me to enter the race riding two horses at once so cross your fingers for me please I'm a 34 year old man and a 65 year old man's body I take metamucil everyday I have a handwritten list of everywhere I can use my dine around club card and I have to sleep upright or recliner if I eat dinner any time after 5pm it's okay though it's alright because I learned a long time ago guys that 70 plus is my age demographic with ladies and not only do they appreciate a guy that can bite corn directly off the cob they also like a guy they can stay awake for the entire hour the price is right so send me off to the show if you want to date bring your AARP card oh man it's just crazy I was on a puddle jumper plan I went to buckle my seatbelt across my waist and it wouldn't fit obviously I'm a big guy you guys can see that but I'm not that big and that's the first time that's ever happened so I'm not about to call attention to my corp and ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt so when the flight attendant does bring out you know go through the cabin bring out maybe a drink before we take off and she makes everybody buckle before we take off I hide my belt under my coat and this whole messed up situation got me thinking if this plane really does go down it won't matter like couldn't you guys see that news story another news flight 98 was forced to make a crash landing today thankfully 384 passengers on board were unharmed but one fat fuck that couldn't buckle his seatbelt well he died back to you that wouldn't happen I was granted a make-a-wish by make-a-wish ironically enough when I was about 3 years old and they sent me to Disney World with my family it's memories that I'll have forever and I'll always be grateful however if 3 year old me knew then what 34 year old me knows now I wouldn't wish for a trip to Disney World I would've wished for a good metabolism in a girlfriend if 13 year old me got the wish instead of 3 year old me I absolutely assure you I would've wished for a lifetime supply of Juergens lotion who am I kidding I'd wish for that right fucking now oh I've been having a real hard time getting out of bed in the morning lately and I've been thinking I should probably invest in an alarm clock that would motivate me to get up and I was thinking it would be real cool to get one that used celebrities like the alarm would go off and it would be Bill Clinton I do not need an alarm no baby I don't need one now I am always up hi or Barack Obama you got up late yesterday but there was hope today is a new day and you can change but you're gonna be late again or the late great Gilbert Gottfried man it feels weird saying that he'd be another good one what you're still in bed son of a or our old Swartzenegger he might be my favorite he'd have a few different alarms sleepy time is terminated you guys probably thought a lot of different things about me when I first got up here but I doubt cancun swimwear model ever came to anyone's mind well it's true I was in cancun and had just got out of the pool to go to the bathroom I had on a swim shirt in this hat and I'm walking back to the pool when I noticed this beautiful tall girl alongside me in a bikini I guess I was pretty oblivious to my surroundings I was just thinking what any guy in a bathing suit would be thinking at that moment don't get a chow and then I looked down and noticed her footwear and I'm like what the hell is this girl about to walk into the pool with stilettos only then did I realize I walked into the middle of a swimwear fashion show and my buddies were watching this all go down from the other end of the pool so I decided I need to play this off pretty quickly or I'm going to end up looking even more stupid so I get onto the pool steps and I strike a pose I was smiling with my eyes and I strut a little bit you're welcome for their benefit that's when my buddy yells from the other end of the crowded pool introducing the fall 2019 collection from Paddington Bear fucking jerk if not for him I definitely would have had a chance with that model girls love Paddington Bear thank you very much on Nickton Fall he's got to go somewhere else alright this next guy to the untrained eye kinda looks like me my name is Ian McDonald I did my first open mic in November of 2018 and then it was about 6 months before I really got into it I did it for about a year before everything shut down I'd say my personality on stage is it's an element of my my full personality maybe just exaggerated a little bit very low key I guess a little bit downplayed definitely a big fan of Steven Wright I don't necessarily try to emulate any one comedian in particular I've watched a lot of comedy my favorite comedian was Norman McDonald who sadly lost last year he's my favorite comedian but I do watch a lot of comedy I I try to sit and write every day if I can it's a little bit of a challenge for sure most of the material I come up with is something that I would maybe not be able to keep myself from saying in a conversation with someone and get a laugh and then write it down and edit it to a scenario where it's like you didn't have to be there necessarily to try and make it people I'm talking to in the room feel like they were there for that conversation I did an open mic at a church it was a regular open mic and so they let me do like 15 minutes I'd only been in comedy for a few months at that point and I got out of the house the one who was hosting it was actually Groning it was the things that I was saying I filmed all my sets and I have this on video but she was sitting right there and just like pounding on the table and just like Groning and it was pretty bad that was probably my worst one one of my things that I had was I think 265 people I lost ballet for comedy festival man's wicked funny laugh off contest I think was the name of it in 2021 that was a great experience thank you oh there's Trump that's starting upstairs my mind my name is Yed McDonald I recently became a homeowner under the name Gertrude Hollister saw a headline in the news the other day said Alec Baldwin shoots down all responsibility to the incident on the set of Rust I feel like they could have chosen some better words for that article I also saw an article that said 58% of Americans get their information about the conflict in Ukraine on social media platforms while 65% of Americans get their information from traditional news sources I'm personally just glad that 123% of Americans are paying attention to what's going on in the world I had a bunch of other topical material prepared for tonight but I accidentally ingested all of it if someone wanted to call voicing control be appreciated I did have some pretty good angles on some of them so I'm just glad I didn't think they were suppositories I'm not going to talk about the pandemic I know we all had a similar experience the first 16 months of that ordeal self-isolation in quarantine spending our time carving soapstone statues of friends and loved ones to keep us company at night making small leather saddles for rodent rodeo or the time that we tunneled under the neighbor's fence and yard in the dead of night to get to the barrels of sweet sweet cider fantastic Mr. Fox had some great ideas a friend of mine grew up in Lewiston right over by the country kitchen factory he said at night you could smell them baking bread I grew up in Auburn near Tambrands and at night you could smell them cooking the tampons not quite as buzzing for those of you that don't know the main state prison is located in Warren, Maine surrounded by the towns of Hope Union Friendship Friendship it's all very inspiring I had gone to visit recently everyone there was so friendly I do feel like maybe they were just after my pudding it's a nice place but I don't think I'd want to stay it's actually all I had prepared I was expecting more laughing three of my very good friends lost their apartment when their building burned to the ground at the beginning of 2020 and they stored the few belongings that they were able to salvage in my apartment during the first 16 months of the pandemic and it was really starting to smell like a campfire it's tragic silver lining though been wanting to move for a while and they had a lot less stuff to move I love my friends but I'm glad for their suffering one of them was actually so devastated that he was going to hang himself but he lost all the rope in the fire I am glad they survived three funerals would have been incredibly incredibly difficult to work into my hectic schedule the worst part about all of this is that it happened on February 29th of 2020 on a lean day so I can really only properly celebrate the anniversary every four years trying to get in shape and exercising a little bit more really working on my core I'm pretty happy with the results so far I'm still not able to do a handstand but I did find I could do this hand thing while standing here thanks I could keep it up all night my doctor really wants me to do so many reps though he says I'm way too energetic I should probably give them a rest I've been doing a lot of runs lately I like to wear a bathing suit for maximum chafing trying to eat better eating a lot more vegetables got a pretty funny look last week walking down Main Street with a pumpkin just gnawing on it I've been eating a lot more carrots really plowing down the carrots I did read that if you eat too many carrots and overdose on carrots and your skin will turn orange if that happens I'm just going to remove my shins and become a chocolatier I got a big salad at a restaurant recently it was called the Titanic I was really excited I wish I had read the menu a little bit closer came to the table I was really excited at cabbages and carrots and cucumber onion dug in there's a big piece of iceberg really sunken for me is anybody here trying to beyond meat anybody here trying to beyond meat one time did you like it? I was thinking about trying to beyond meat I don't know it seems kind of expensive and a little bit risky buying all that meat and just letting it go bad so I was thinking about maybe instead doing an all ox tail diet the tails just grow back so you don't have to feel guilty and if someone were to say ollie ollie oxen free pop that bad boy in a pen good to go set for life I may have missed my window of opportunity since 2021 was the year of the ox I've actually never tried ox tail but if it's anything like cow tails those things are delicious you guys want to see a few impersonations that's my cat when it comes across something it doesn't quite trust that is a spray bottle that a waitress was using at Burns Irish Pub in Brunswick, Maine on March 22nd, 2015 that's a screaming goat that's a motorcycle thanks I've been working on that one I feel like it's come along very nicely 8 hours a day really only get you so far I was talking to somebody about motorcycles recently this young guy he just got his license to drive a car as soon as I can I'm going to get my motorcycle license it's like oh really that's cool I like the idea of riding a motorcycle that seems very freeing I don't know it could be so freeing about clutching for dear life to a piece of moving machinery as you hurdle down the highway I don't know anybody here ever been out of state? I'll see I went out of state once I have a car in case you were wondering and I was driving down I-95 in case there was any confusion about that I don't know if anybody has noticed this before but there's a sign in New York that says Maine worth a visit, worth a lifetime and there's an 800 number so you can call Maine the person on the phone was really helpful she directed me to the Lost and Found and I was able to get my hat back so I do recommend checking out that sign the next time you're on your way out of state it's very very helpful I've never purchased a mattress or a bed because I've always had them gifted to me I guess I have that look like I need a bed no I had always had a futon I thought I was doing really well at life multi-tasking with a couch that turned into a bed turns out I was failing at life I had an uncomfortable couch that turned into an even less comfortable bed my parents got a divorce I was about 30 years old and you would think that given my age at the time it would have been easier to understand and process everything that was going on but it was actually pretty messed up because I understood everything that was going on I imagine they stayed together for the kids they wanted us to know how to be in a loveless relationship I am a drummer by day boom people are always telling me don't quit your day job and I say okay drums are really expensive drumsticks themselves started about $10 a pair a friend of mine suggested that I get a lathe to make my own and save money but I don't want people to think that I'm lazy any wine fans in the audience tonight a few people they say once you go peanut in water you never go blank thanks growing up my brother and I should have roam up until my sophomore year in high school we had bunk beds given that age one or the other of us each night would make the tower shake but I'm left handed and I'm right handed so every once in a while things would sink up and it would keep pretty stable he came out differently than I did he was delivered as a Sarian aluminum is the smallest amount of aloo that you can have I have to apologize for my energy level tonight I was up really late last night alphabetizing my t-shirts went to bed when I realized they were all t-shirts did anybody hear how many dreams I have to mean to I have a dream to some day saddle and ride a manatee I also have a dream to go to a buffalo sauce factory and watch them freshly squeeze the buffalo hahahaha if anybody would like to go with me just see me after the show I think it would be a good time on gas and tolls seriously I'm desperate for company my mom says I'm good at making friends but it's true the other day he was like nice hat I hadn't gotten it back yet before I go just like to share one last thought with you all so we have reached that time it is our last comedian of the evening I started with a bunch of guys I actually started with my buddy who's still doing it and he actually started about a year ahead of me and so yeah and I started I took a class of a workshop down at the Portland Comedy Connect my name is Tim Farrell real nice guy in 2003 I did this graduation show they do a graduation show at the end and I'm like I fucking killed it and I was like oh my god I really like this so you know you write five minutes of comedy and you go up and you do anything so really from that point on I started doing more and more and more gigs and then I and I just started doing it eventually I had your first bomb and you get on stage and you're like oh my god I'm so good and then all of a sudden the audience is quiet and you're like what the heck did I do that's just part of the business you got a bomb now and then but I've had some awesome shows over the last 19 years I really have some awesome shows I've done a lot of sold out shows I've done some some shows where there's just five people and they're all good you know I always think you just bring the best you got every time you go on stage you bring the best you got and you give the audience what they want I'm this but a lot more exaggerated I'm really kind of known from my brother face I do a lot of facial expressions and so when I do a show and there's really poor lighting you know half of my sense gone but it's uh most of the time you know there's really good lighting and stuff so my buddy Tim Farrell who's who's like my you know the mentor he he said Johnny you got a million dollar face use it so I just when he said that I was like oh my god that's exactly what I gotta do I kind of put on my main accent a little more when I'm on stage because it's just you know people want to hear it so I do it and I'm one of them comics that gives the audience what they want you know you just get out there and you just give them the funny bring the funny really bring the energy you know I see a lot of comics there's some comics that can just be up there and you're really quiet I'm just like a burst of energy when as soon as I get on stage which is who I am so I love doing that my best gig was chocolate church sold out shell they were filming and it was just 400 people it was just I was headlining actually there was another headliner before me that actually went on after me so I wasn't really the headliner but I was the headliner the guy that went before me should have been the headliner because he was really really good and he just killed it and so I went on after him I did pretty good but it was just so much fun we're a show I've ever done I did a I'm not sure if you remember Lucid Stage but the day before it closed they had they had one more comedy show there and they got that black box theater and it was really great and so I was like I can't wait to do this, never did it and I was painting this guy's house I said hey come on down this will be great, the place will be packed so I got in to do the show it was him, his wife their son and one other person four people and I did 45 minutes for four people it was pretty painful but they enjoyed it hi you guys everybody, you guys doing good? my friend now are you a sister to Brenda or just a friend? good to see you, what's your name?  How'd I know that? Wow, somebody told me your name was Mike, so you're taking drumming lessons from Ian, huh? How's it going? Is it? You like it?   Where are you from, Mike? I live in Bowden. Well, you're right up in my neck of the woods, I live in Bath, did you hear about the foxes up in Bath we had up there?  I'm sitting there, I'm sitting in my shop and I hear this woman outside screaming at the top of her lungs.  So I went in the house for like three hours till the screaming stopped. I hope she's alright, I don't know.  I think I saved her life, but anyway, my wife's got this friend, she's got this friend on match dog, did you guys meet on match or anything? What did you guys meet? At a bar dance. At a bar dance, nice, was that freaking auctioneer there talking? I'd like to introduce you to him, this is August and it's hot, but if you want to marry him, I'm also a minister, and I can marry you right now if you want. We'll start the bidding off at $20. It's a wicked smile. A wicked smile. I can tell by looking at you, that's a wicked smile, that's awesome.  Finally she came up to the house in the day, so we had a guy that she comes up, she goes, I finally got a match. Turns out it was her freaking brother. I'm not shitting ya. They're going out now. They got a lot in common, same mother and father. It's great, they're doing great. So anyway, boy I like the music upstairs, huh? That's nice. Hopefully, you know, it's not too distracting. That's good, good music. Run it away, Johnny. Would you say you want to see more? If you say you want to see more. Oh, no, no. I'm trying to get in shape, but I am. I'm trying to get in shape.  You know what it is? I got to lay off the devil dogs. I really do. I love devil dogs. They're going to be the driest food on planet Earth, aren't they? Remember the devil dogs? They're like, I should have put them in a dry wall, right? I think they should have taken two devil dogs in front of Hurricane Katrina, but I sucked it right out. There's your hurricane right there in those two devil dogs. You're welcome. Oh, I don't know. I'm trying to get in shape, though. I'm trying to get in shape. I am, it's terrible. I don't like to brag, folks, but I was actually with my football team in high school. You have the football scholarship. You're in University of Phoenix online. And, uh, and now, I'm trying to get in the cap when they wouldn't freaking pick me. Bastards. I was trying to get the man boobs a little bit. You've got them, but I can see them from here. I've got six freaking man boobs. You're weird. I walked by a baby the other day. The baby goes, so I said it, right? My god, I was lactating, right? You know, save that one again. I don't know. Just had the prostrate check the other day. Had the prostrate check, Mike and all. Lately, prostrate, you know, the old thing. Yeah. I went in the other day.  I'm like, are you shitting me? This is going to happen in price? I said, all right, 50 bucks. Do I gave him the 50 bucks? I'm leaving. I'm leaving.   Anyway, took a CPI course the other day. What's my CPI, people? Anybody know CPI? You're getting right. For CPI, what they want to do now with the chest compressions, they want to sing the song, and what is it? They want to sing it live, right? It's like this. I'll stop, Brent. That's awkward. It just gets so friggin' awkward. It really does. It's terrible. She's hitting that gun. Please, Johnny, stop. I'd rather see you melding. Stop singing. Oh my god. I had a chance to use it till this guy was laying down right in front of me over in Bath at Maxwell's, and I'm like, oh my god, let me see if I can remember how to do this. I run over to him and I'm like, here we go. I'm bites the dust. Shit! I was like, I'm like, I'm in the wrong last lady one time.  It's just gross, isn't it? I'm going to save the life and career of life on the same regular night, which is pretty cool. So I'm a house painter. That's what I do during the day. I'm a house painter. My logo has established 1983 quality since 1987. I put it out on the paper last week. It says, teeth and drivers license optional. Must be willing to work at least one friggin day a week, and I'll pick her up at your mother's house.  He's drinking all my Ellen's coffee brandy. Smoking all my Paul Mauls. Not right. Get him to work. I'm like, I had a guy fall off a ladder a couple of years ago. Fell off a ladder. True story. Right on his back, 20 feet.  I'm going to show you once. True story. Thank God we were all drunk. That would have been horrible. It really would have been. So married people, married, you guys are still doing it. That's good. You ever practice the odd of seduction?  Just go do it.  It's called planned and organized. Every Wednesday is two o'clock. It's weird. It was a friggin, it was like a friggin Tuesday the other day. I said, I'm going to do it. She goes, what did you say, pervert? So we just started this hot dog stand in our house right right outside our house and we're sitting there trying to figure out what to name this friggin thing. My son, he goes, Dad, how about doggy style? I'm like, what? I said, where'd you see that? He goes, it was on the calendar. Wednesday is two o'clock. Doggy style. It was just weird. You can't say that.  You shouldn't know that word. So I got my wife and I actually have this little thing that we do when we make love. We put a dollar in a jar next to our bed to save up for our vacation or something nice. I'm proud to say folks, after 30 years of marriage, I'm going to be taking a trip to friggin Sabatas next week. See if there's somewhere I can spend that five bucks. What my wife doesn't know is I have my own little jar that I keep under the bed for myself. You'll know what I'm talking about in a while. Before you get back from Sabatas, I'm going to Cancun. Just saying. We're upstairs, right? We're upstairs just about ready to make love, you know? We call it making love now. You guys make love and you can do it. Gas car? I don't know, what would you say it is, huh? She's about ready to make love and she goes, you know what? We got to start having no contact sex. It's not what you guys would think. It's what she takes the contacts out. We're just about ready to do it the other day.  Another thing.  I'm like, what face? She goes, you know, this one. So the end comes. I'm sitting down like this. She goes, I'm at the other one. Oh my God. So I'm a man. Where's my man as my applause? We got some manas in here. We like watching TV a lot here in Maine. I love watching TV. I think that I have like, see your size of manas though. Don't you? Can't you see it this coming this Sunday? See your size of manas. One car, one cup, one tooth. Oh my God, Johnny. Looks like everybody in this house got the same DNA. You have the same DNA. What is this? Sabetas? What is Sabetas? Sabetas, that must be some kind of dental thing. Oh my God. I was playing Scrabble with his wicked mana friend of mine the other day. And he kept on coming up with words like, haul off on her. I was like, haul off on her. I said, haul off on her is not a frigging way. Then he put down, get off on it. Get off on it. It's like a frigging paragraph. You can't use it. Then he put it down, book it. I was like, all right, I'm looking this frigging thing up in the dictionary right now. Sure enough, there it was, book it. What you do after you haul off on her. That was crazy, man. So anybody like the Uncle Henry's or love the Uncle Henry's? Love that. Love the Uncle Henry's. Yes. You like the Uncle Henry's? Gene? Is it Gene? Yeah, Gene. I thought it sounds like maps. Gene, Beth, you know, this is not the walk of life. I wrote a few of them down there the other day. These are from Uncle Henry's Free for the Taken. Uncle Henry's Free for the Taken. Four tires, not bold, not much trade either. Claim gold named Larry. She's good with kids. 20 feet of rope. That's it. Jigsaw puzzle. Some pieces missing. Switten road bike. No front wheeler handlebars. Ride's good. Uncle Henry's Free for the Taken. Who's got dogs? Everybody got dogs? Oh yeah. What kind of dog do you got, bud? There's three pit bulls. Pit bulls?  Pit bull roddy? Okay, so you like the really tough dogs? They're the black pack. They're the black pack. What's that mean? They're all black colored. They're all black colored? They're all black colored. There's three of them.  That's good though. That's awesome.  Unbelievable. 25 ton bag of food every other day. It's awful.  Oh, it's going to be a big one.  Oh, it's bad, yeah. You got a lot of hair in your house from your dogs. Oh, they're all short hair. Oh, they're all short hair? I got half freaking covered in my house. We're always sneezing because of the hair. Don't people sneeze weird? How do you sneeze, huh? If you would have sneezed bad. I bet you sneeze like this. I bet you go, do you?  I do this. Anyway, I was down at the mall the other day, this lady in front of me, she sneezed just like Donald Duck. She was like this. Can I get you? This way to God's book, she looks at me. She looks at me and she goes, weird. Listen, before I go, I just got to ask the ladies, how many ladies have read the book, 50 Shades of Greg? You read it? You read it? You? Bath now. Okay, bath. You and I are going tonight. You and I are going out to have a drink after that. I'm going to give up 34 years of sobriety for you. I'm actually writing a book right now. About a couple from Savannah. Eunice and Larry. It's called 50 Shades of May. The love story of Eunice and Larry. It goes like this. She walked in the room and heard double layered flat old thong. With nothing on top but bungee cords. Securing the girls. She went to bed in longing anticipation in his clean, tidy whiteies with a wicked boner. That's what we call an erection. Everybody just say boner for me once. That's just a good word. Wicked boner. You can have a wicked boner. That means you haven't had it for a while. Just have a regular boner, but you just did it a couple days ago. Freaking ready. Cause I got a wicked boner. It's kind of like, you know, I don't get boners much anymore but I heard boners. Sorry Brenda. Alright. After checking each other for ticks they sprawled out on the 65 foot 40 foot blue top covered in freshly tat maple syrup and he hauled off on it. That's what I've got for now. Thank you very much folks. Have a good day.


What's going on everybody? Got Kyle and Shawn here relating sports cards and we are ripping 2023 tops chrome black One box. This will be for Chiya house seat Good luck. Good luck. Let's see what we got next up. We'll have Eric and then we'll do Neil boxes of select That may not interest Shawn too much That may not interest Shawn too much. Oh my god Shawn you go to the Neil Diamond shows man. Come on I'd rather my eyeballs get tattooed It's a J rod on the base And there's a braiding shoemaker on the rookie greens in 99 Breaking shoemaker and a Matt Olson my eyeballs beat You know how terrible that would be Matt Olson Alrighty now we got our encased It looks orange and it's orange to 25. It is gonna be a Roger Clemens for the Blue Jays There we go nice rocket one is for the Blue Jays number to 25 7 out of 25 nice one there Chiya. How Nice little rocket there on the on card auto He's got a kind of a clean on the lock going on, but Pretty distinct. I like it to 25. That'll work You go Chiya how on the one box of tops chrome black did he really get that right out to you guys Charlie


Final pack for Jackson D. Can we pull him something crazy in the final pack? This one's actually slightly open. So all right, maybe that's why they're open so well They're a little bit unsealed which happens with blisters sometimes metal raiders original unlimited print What in the world? This one's all like dusty probably because it had a little hole in there Let's see if we can pull some crazy. We have one two three four. Whoa. There is a oh there's a ding on this card and Oh, no, wait a second. Okay time out. Let's see what this is first. Yeah, to Karu. We got the Uh This is resealed. There's a left arm reprint. Yep. This is definitely resealed Buster blader baby dragon chaos and wait what oh It's a reseal for the giveaway.


Being four deployed has much smaller margin for error than we do in Garrison. We spent four cups in Garrison training to build qualifications and flexibility into our plan. And that was while if we didn't make mission, no one died, so we had a little bit of room to breathe. Once we're deployed, we're making mission every time. We've used all that previous training and qualifications so that we can react to whatever the world actually throws at us and we don't use any capabilities. On deployment, they don't call us unless someone's life is on the line. So all of the hours and hours that my Marines spend working away from their families, all the years of training we put into this, it doesn't matter. It doesn't make a difference unless I complete every step right to get my aircraft into the fight when it's needed to support fellow Americans and coalition partners on the ground.


And it we just tie freezes like wow fake out right away How's it going everybody Dato doi here with another round of Dragon Ball Legends summons this time on ultra space time banner number eight It's been I can't believe there's already been eight of these things and this one is shaping up to be Decently exciting and as you can see on this banner. We have Super Saiyan Gohan probably the most hyped unit that I personally want to pull from this video Super cool character probably my favorite iteration of Gohan following up that height We have Super Saiyan 2 trunks teen light on the teen at this point in the series trunks is like 35 or something But also a very cool unit and I would also like to pull him and then up next we have my who a lot of people think was a little Underwhelming probably didn't deserve a sparking unit and I'm not gonna lie I sort of agreed you know my coming out this early. It's kind of cool But also it's just my and then Dragon Ball Legends over on Twitter posted this And I was absolutely convinced that my is the best sparking in this banner her guns make actual shooting noises That is I don't know about you guys, but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing if I can pull my I really want to use those guns on PvP that is just so Stupid to me. I actually I actually kind of want to see what future Gohan's ultimate looks like because I haven't seen it in game yet Okay, two arms a little bit disappointed damn hit that man. Oh, we are we are going back and That's I've been got blown away. Okay. That was pretty cool. Pretty cool a little slow Not gonna lie to you, but I will definitely take that all right with all that out of the way We can finally hop into our first daily discount single summon on ultra spacetime eight many more to come I didn't download all so we are gonna see some downloading bars boys That is going to be the hint we want to see all right We are in the sky as clear as day you hate to see it happen Weather forecast is gonna be pretty uneventful this morning Goku and Frieza more into more into dramatic dances than fighting and This is gonna be some hot trash unless something happens on the co collision No, Goku just died so that was not great First hero unit of the day is This this is revenge for what future Gohan did to him in that cutscene isn't it? I shouldn't have played that cutscene Whatever first consecutive and we are just hopping right into it. There is no dramatic build-up going on here at all Oh my goodness. Yo earth needs to prepare. That was like 17 raddits. Oh My goodness. Oh, and it's equal trading season, too By the way, those new to the game these cutscenes often illustrate Oh, did we just power up to Super Saiyan during the beam these animations can often illustrate What's gonna happen charging up the coming up? Oh Push through push through guaranteed sparking. No, we're dying as Super Saiyan Vegeta save us Man, what the? But but Super Saiyan But the legend I was supposed to be a legend Two didorias. Are you kidding me? Hey the boy Krillin my favorite character. All right, this is gonna be a good summon You can just tell if Krillin pops up and my boy Yamcha Okay, wait, this party's getting a little bloated trunks. You can go ahead and I don't need you don't need him. That's for sure hero frost Jiro come on Something needs to pop off dude. That was an extreme party.  Let's hop into the next summon if That's gonna set the pace then this pace has been set poorly. All right one pod on destroy dynamic instant Super Saiyan The powering up is is happening folks. We still can't hit Frieza for the life of us, dude Blue text too, so that's not great. Yeah, we just went up to Super Saiyan And we still couldn't handle Frieza in his base form and We just tie Frieza's like wow a fake out right away. Oh My goodness that is too good, bro. That is too good. That's the one unit I really wanted from this banner and mine Wait, are you telling me that I'm gonna get all three in this one summon? Maybe I'm hyping myself up too much, but I Thought that was gonna blow up to Turtles Turtles. How many Turtles? How many Turtles just show me Goku black. I don't even think he's in this banner. Show me Uh extreme TN.  Come on. Show me mine. Show me my you gotta be kidding me, bro Ah, my luck is fire and flames in these games, bro. My thank you. Welcome to the account I love to see you. You gotta love that Uh and ladies and gentlemen that is almost technically the banner and you're like dota What do you mean you didn't pull the trunks? Well, uh after these stars I'll go ahead and show you so uh, this is gonna take a good 18 minutes But look at this. We got future gohan We got my the last unit on this banner would be trunks, but you'll see here in the shop Uh, if you're if you're not feeling your luck if you're down on your luck Uh, and you got the cash you can just buy super sand two trunks. I didn't do that though I did buy crystals, but I didn't buy trunks, which isn't a isn't a good investment But the thing is when I play these games. I'm a high roller, bro. I'm in here to That makes it sound so stupid, but I'm here. I'm in here to test my luck So I want to pull them naturally if I can if I can't you know, I'll buy them But don't tell band we got a whisper about that bro If don't tell band I said that because they will make me buy this man My only hope at this point is I got to pull them right here because I already started the summon Whoa another invasion. There was too many raddits to count We're staying in base form, but the good news is we're tying we're finally equal with frieza, but Oh Another spirit bomb animation. Is this the viewers at home hoping for trunks? Could it be bandai? Giving me the power to get trunks. That's right frieza It's over the spirit bombs from me to you. I'm pulling trunks whether you like it or not It's not that one, but we did get the new extreme androids. I forgot about these guys. I forgot about these guys There's new extreme androids to also feed into the future category. I believe or they're just new androids, but that's kind of lame if they are hero goku Hero paiku Han, there's a sparking in here somewhere lads. It's just a matter of where it is It's like looking for buried treasure. You know, what's in here? You gotta know what's in here. Who is it? Another my you hate to see it. We're not done. We're not done. We could get it. No It's Well, we pulled two my that's a little crazy three star my already. What's the what's the three star my looking like? What's the ability? What's the ability behind the counter god if we can pull trunks that would be so nice My wallet would like that a lot poor guy. Oh, yo, that's really good 18 to tag future max base health during battle. You know, I'm definitely running my Can I get trunks though? I need as many future category units as I can I want to run the future team. Okay. Oh, we got the time.  He's like, all right goku You've died to free select what four times in one summit video get out of here. Let me handle this Yo, vejita, you are the best tau. You're also pretty cool Please tell me trunks is in here back-to-back videos where you clean out the banner. That's not my luck My luck is usually trash Could it be No, it's another super saiyan gohan. I'm very happy, but that's not trunks.  Yeah Still nice to see future gohan pop up as much as he did And it looks like that's gonna be the the video unless something No, that's it future gohan finishes it off by a three star And it looks like I've been forced to dip into my piggy bank It looks like I've been forced bro. They got me. This is why you never talk to bandai This is what This is why when you're speaking about bandai, you say it you say it lightly. You don't want to risk it So z ability to 26 26 to tag future base strike what 40 to strike damage inflicted when tech What the following effects are applied on out What this guy's busted? Hello, this guy's really good for the future team And now I need to buy trunks Well, that's gonna go ahead and be the video for me guys I let me know if you've had any luck on this banner so far It hasn't been live for too long by the time this video is going up But if you've done any singles, let me know if you got trunks or if you bought them Uh, because it looks like that's what I'm gonna have to do Uh, and I'll also get another summon which I probably won't do now that I'm thinking about it, but I guess that's gonna be it for me, dude Huh good times though good times while you're down in the comments Let me know what you pulled make sure to leave a like and subscribe to the channel If you're enjoying these videos and you want to see more of them These legends videos are often bonus videos from me. So if you do like them, uh, it is important You let me know because uh right now. I'm just doing them because I really enjoy them Other that guys I have a few other videos on your screen from older banners and dragon ball legends past Give those a watch if you want to check them out. Uh, and I hope you enjoyed this video. I'm dr. Doya. I'll see you in the next one


This paper examines the behavioral and spatial ecology of black-necked garter snakes, thamnophysertopsis, in a heterogeneous arid land riparian zone of lower Sabino Canyon, Tucson, Arizona. The authors found that the snakes' populations experienced a rapid decline due to extreme drought and wildfires, and that their behavior changed depending on the availability of surface water. They also noted that the snake's use of different micro-habitats was dependent on season and developmental stage. This research provides valuable insight into the behavioral and spatial ecology of this species, and its potential vulnerabilities in changing environments. This article was authored by Bryon R. Blaise, Samantha L. Johnson and John L. Koprowski.


My colleagues at a skipper lab the zero cash team and myself would like to take this opportunity to tell you about the brave new world of ZK snark applications So ZK snarks are in a particularly efficient form of zero knowledge proofs They are sync non-interactive arguments of knowledge between a prover and the verifier and necessarily there's also a generator setting up a common reference string and There has been a wealth of fascinating literature on this Starting with the seminal works on zero knowledge and especially productive over the past decade in terms of theory implementations compilers from high-level representations and specific applications and I'd like to tell you about two real world deployments that are particularly exciting for us The first is lip snark a C plus plus library for ZK snark that we've been developing for the past four years Leap snark contains the state of the art in preprocessing snark implementation starting with those based on quadratic span and arithmetic programs and their subsequent improvements as well as the generalization to proof carrying data It also contains very efficient tailored implementations for finite field elliptic curves and pairings. It's open-sourced It's Out there to download from github and you welcome to do so and use it as about 50 other academic and commercial users have already We've been fortunate to have several developers join us recently and They contributed some very nice things to the library including a new build system That may the notary improvements that make development and integration easier improvements to the Provement prove a performance algorithm using low-level techniques as well as using high-level techniques implementing the latest and greatest ZK snark schemes resulting in reduced proof sizes and Prover complexity as well as very far complexity all of these are available on our github repo one particular application of Leaves snark is zero cash your cash is a protocol that we've developed for Privacy preserving cryptocurrencies and inspired by Bitcoin like public ledgers But unlike in Bitcoin where every transaction is posted for anyone to view and analyze In zero cash the blockchain contains just a bunch of pseudo random values ciphertext and zero knowledge proofs of the case snarks Now the underlying idea of Is your cash is to use your knowledge proof so whenever a transaction happens? they sender knows what justifies that transaction and Provides as your knowledge proof for it that anyone can obvi can verify the validity of that this transaction is legit Has a correct origin isn't double-spending and so forth Anyone else can merely verify correctness, but the recipient can more over verify that they are the intended Recipients and take ownership of those funds Now this started as a paper in Auckland 14 and ever since then we've been working on taking this into a real-world cryptocurrency and that indeed happened last October after Several years of work and I dedicated engineering team and a company that was established to fund those engineers The new cryptocurrency was launched. This is the roadmap a few days after launch as of today We have an ever-growing blockchain About five million dollars are transacted Using snarks every day and this is just a lower bound because some of these are protected by zero knowledge We don't know they're there some of these are done by off-chain exchanges And speaking of which there is a very large ecosystem containing this dozens of such off-chain Exchanges in containing hardware and software wallets Hundreds of forks and github as by various developers extending and improving and of course many many thousands of users so taking this theory and Theoretical definitions and proofs into a real system that people will trust their savings to has been a very interesting journey with many Fascinating challenges. I'd like to share one of these with you and that is the issue of that trust a generation that is necessary in the underlying Z-case snarks Why would anyone trust me or a commercial company or anyone else to generate that CRS and therefore? We replaced that by a multi-party computation that was tailored specifically for this setting for efficiency and that took place before the currency was launched and It involved a suitable cryptography as well as very interesting and extreme operational security measures like a Six geographically distributed parties ranging from hotel rooms monitored by journalist and video crews To someone driving in the badlands of British Columbia with a lot of tin foil We had dedicated compute nodes very carefully purchased and Prepared and after the computation was done very dramatically distracted To erase all remnants of information And we have a publicly auditable trail that anyone can download and verify And also many improvements coming up including improved the case not constructions Better snark friendly primitive for hash functions for example A very exciting improvement is augmenting the blockchain protocol to support payment to snark verification Addresses so you can pray to someone's criterion in zero knowledge without anyone knowing even what the criterion is except for you and the recipient And we're going to redo the MPC protocol to add this extra functionality and to improve it along the way So if you are going to use the case not to need your own secure MPC for parameter generation talk to us another interesting thing is We've established the Zcash foundation and non-profit to support the technology and its users and one of the Programs is a grant program that will support among other things academic research on such proof systems If you think it's suitable again talk to us There are many other Emerging applications in the blockchain and commercial realm Including the next version of a theorem that's adding the case not support several other companies in blockchains JP Morgan and its quorum system are adding support for snarks as well as a company called caddage for prove it that is Working on identity attestation and business logical application provenance in the tracking guy using snarks To summarize VK snarks really are practical and There's a rapidly growing community of developers and users and enthusiasts that are going around explaining this technology to each other and looking for Applications, this is a great example of the theory to practice transition It motivates new theory questions as some of those theory papers show And it also is open up the question of what's next what are the next applications to build If you're going to do that you may find some of the links that I mentioned Summarizing this webpage. Thank you