Here's nine potential reasons why you can't sufficiently set a boundary with people where you kind of know that you need to and you should. Number one, you fear being mean or them thinking that you mean. Number two, you fear being rude or them thinking that you've been rude.  Number four, you're anxious about future interactions with that person after you've set the boundary. Number five, you feel powerless and really not sure boundaries will help in that situation. Number six, you get your value from helping others. Setting boundaries makes it feel like you're not been helpful. Number seven, you project your feelings about being told no on to them. Number eight, you have no actual clue where to start setting boundaries. Number nine, you believe that you can't have boundaries in certain types of relationships and you can and you should. Let's keep working on setting boundaries where we need to.


And that is incredibly attractive, unattractive, right? And if you want a man to run away from you as quickly as possible, have attitudes like that. If you want to push away all of the quality men that are around and only attract those kinds of men that are willing to put up with somebody that thinks that way, then just keep that attitude. If you don't, if you want to attract quality men, if you want men of quality who are valuable men to feel like you are valuable and beautiful and amazing and high quality, then you need to switch your attitude around, right? Just, you know, creating a life that you love and experiencing, feeling good a lot, right? That is very, very attractive. It's very, very beautiful to men. It's, you know, the more positive that he feels when he's around you, the more that he'll want to be around you more often, right? And, you know, there's this kind of methodology out there called push-pull, right?  And you like go through kind of these negative and positive emotions, which kind of like messes with a person's brain. Well, you don't really need to do that from a manipulation standpoint, right? If you are really making a guy feel good when he's around you and then when you're not around, all of a sudden he goes back to his regular life, which a lot of people live lives where there's a lot of negativity around them, then he's going to kind of, that he's going to lose that feeling, right, of that positivity and he's going to look forward to seeing you again, he's going to miss you again and, you know, all those things.


What's going on guys welcome back to the channel critical overload here since I'm a scream six in this video here again today Talking about this idea of Terra Carpenter being the killer because I see that jumping around a lot more so than It was previously I know this is something that's kind of been a hot and cold topic right now or right now after the trailer has dropped It's a now back at being a hot topic due to a certain stare that That general or take a plane Terra Carpenter gives to whoever it may be it looks like she is being held up Or she's holding someone else trying to hold them up and she might drop them or something Looks like it's going on in the trailer that has moving old tears in cahoots Tara's one of the killers I don't see Tara Carpenter being one of the killers one because It just feels like it would undo a lot of what has already happened to her in screen five in the sense of Not only that the fact that Jenna Ortega herself is what she's around the same height as Mikey Madison and If you were going to tell me that she did this herself single-handedly That is something that just cannot be completely sold to me. That can't be sold I know they they evened it out with Mikey by giving us Jack Quaid But then a lot of that also falls apart because I think they've gone out of their way to say that Amber was the one who did a lot of the kills in screen five which again, I can suspend my disbelief I can just spend my disbelief But when you tell me that if you would have told me Amber did that all by herself No, if you tell me that Tara Carpenter did everything in scream six all by herself one We know that's not possible because unless this is a gag unless the grocery store Bodega's attack sequence is a gag and whoever is in the ghostface costume isn't even working with Tara She can't even be doing this alone because we see ghostface Attacking her in the Bodega But again on top of that it just feels like it would undo a lot of what they've set up for her previously in screen five and seeing us Get a repaired Sister bond that is forming through this trilogy now That doesn't mean that they can't do something else that I think I would be more okay with I wouldn't necessarily Necessarily say I still would agree with it if they did it But if they did it in an effective manner, I will still give praise to something like this So I'm not going to say that she cannot be ghostface period because of course she she can be Chances are she isn't believable by herself. That's just the thing aside from that I know a lot of this is stemming from again that image in the trailer of Tara smiling. What's happening What's happening in that instance? It seems to be the belief that Tara turns on Sam and causes her to fall die, etc There's a strong chance that that image is just completely out of context for the sake of throwing us off track now Let's pretend that Tara is the killer really quick But not in the way of donning the costume and going crazy or apeshit on on her friends or her sister But what if in between the events of five and six Tara grew to hate Sam? So she decided that hey, maybe Amber and Richie should have killed her when they had the chance Tara could also have grown to blame Sam for their parents separation and thus it would also be Sam's fault That Tara had to suffer with Christina while she was dealing with her addiction And who knows how she may or may not have taken this out on Tara Christina with her addiction and everything Who knows how this could have impacted Tara so and Tara's now warped mind She's like hey Amber wouldn't have gotten this ghostface idea if if you that being Sam didn't come from such a one Terrible person that being Billy Loomis and then also Tara's warped mindset leased her Leased her blaming Sam for everything She's she's the reason Tara's teen years were a struggle She's the reason mom and dad broke up and she's the reason her friends died last year when they didn't deserve it But Sam did according to again Tara's own warped mind So Tara in another twisted turn Decided to orchestrate a new spree with relatives of Amber who have been mad at Sam since her demise I guess in this case you could say Tara is in her Roman bag in her Roman era Similar how Roman manipulated and convinced Billy to do XYZ So let's say that Tara convinces Amber's dad and brother who I'll say are Jack champion and Dromont Moroney's characters To orchestrate a new spree and blame Sam for it because a they already want her dead and blame her for Amber's downfall Be the public already believes their daughter Their daughter slash sister in this case is Amber was innocent and that Sam was the one responsible for the events of five and see Sam's mental state is just on a downward downward spiral as it is So Tara doesn't Tara doesn't touch anything when it comes to the killings All she does is plant a seed and Dermott and Jack handle everything else. So Here's the other thing with Dermott. What if he actually needs someone dependent crime on due to his own corrupt policing? So Sam becomes so Sam becomes a great person to pin it all on and get justice for his daughter Amber in the process as well Now I know people are probably like But parent Amber's parents lived in Stu's house. Yes, that's what we were told However, what if the context of that is that she was just living with her birth mother who were who remarried a man who Moved into Stu's place that that could be the missing context there to rationalize how her father is in this movie How nobody recognizes her father because no one has met her father outside of Amber who I mean to say outside of terror Who tracked her father down? Found out that that Amber actually hasn't has another sibling a brother who again is Jack champion in my theory and She's convinced both of them to take that aggression that they have out on Or that they have towards Sam just out on Sam out on the rest of the survivors and get their revenge for Amber in that fashion those are just my own two cents and how I could cease a more believable narrative for terror being involved play out It would be something occurring in which she is not doing a single thing when it retains to donning the ghost face mask It could be something as simple as she was upset with Sam She started blaming Sam in between the events of five and six and she decided to take it upon herself to track down Some individuals who are related to Amber. She found out that that Amber's birth dad lives in New York, etc They conveniently moved to New York and all of this was orchestrated by terror That is something that would be more believable. That is not something. I actually think they would do but you guys can let me know What do you think about? Amber's parents or Amber's dad and brother being the killer in scream six down the conversation below Do you like that idea? Do you not like that idea? Let me know down the conversation below because I just seen a lot of stuff about terror being the killer And I want to give my two cents on how I could see a more logical narrative with that playing out And how I could digest it a little bit more even if it's something that again I still will not prefer to see play out if it were to play out I'll prefer it be done in a manner in which she didn't actually do anything Outside of just orchestrating and manipulating another pair of individuals to do a new spree to get back at Sam Carpenter For all of this aggression and frustration. She has built up towards her sister for the past several years Again, let me know what you guys think about all of this down in the comment section below If you haven't already of course, make sure you go ahead and subscribe Turn on post notifications that you never miss a video in the description. I will have links to my social media accounts I am on Facebook Twitter and Instagram you can message me there Of course, let me know if there are any movies news or reviews like me to cover in the future and with all that in mind guys I will see you in the next video


I'm going to teach you today the art of how to introduce people to each other, especially people that you don't even know. It's something I've mastered over the last decade and I've met hundreds of thousands of people and my clients have met millions of people using this system and it's so simple, it's so easy and it's extremely powerful. And the reason it's extremely powerful is you are the hub that links both of these people together. So they will forever remember the fact that you introduced them. Second, you're giving to them without expecting anything in return and that's really powerful. You can look and read about the law of reciprocity meaning that if you help someone, someone is going to feel guilty until they reciprocate back. And then third thing really is the fact that you're spreading a lot of good energy, a lot of positive vibes and that's always something that's good to do. And so today I'm going to show you specifically how to do it. So let's give an example. The best places to go out and meet people are places where influencers go. They are places such as charity events, nonprofit meaning museum, opera, symphony. So any places like that you could go to a chamber of commerce or it could be a conference that you just want to meet some new people at. So what you do is you strategically go where there are people that congregate and typically the easiest place is going to the bar. And it doesn't matter whether you have a cocktail or not.  So you have time and you're waiting. So why not maximize that time? So if I'm standing at a bar and there's someone on my right, I'll simply go over to them and say, Hey, so what brought you to this conference? What brought you to the event? So how's your week going? It really doesn't matter the first question you ask them. All that matters is you ask them and they start saying something. And in that moment, they'll be saying something to you, whatever that might be. Well, if there's a person on your left, which they're typically will be, what you do after they answer that is you look to the person on the left and you say, Hey, these two people should meet each other. And literally all you do is cross your index fingers, move them across your body and point to each other and just say, again, Hey, you two should meet each other. I think you'd have a good time or I think you find something interesting. It doesn't really even matter what you say. Because the fact of the matter is people want to meet new people, right? If you ask them a question, so do you want to meet new friends? A lot of people might say, you know what, I only want a small group of people and I'm happy with the people that I want. But if you ask them, do you want to meet new people? Their answer will always be yes because of the fear of loss. The fear that that one person could give them something that they need in their life. So that's always a great opportunity. And when you do that, they'll start talking to each other. They'll introduce each other so you don't even have to know their names. In fact, it's a waste of time to actually ask them their names ahead of time because you'll find out right there. And then you can steer the conversation if you want a little bit. Ask some questions and they'll go back and forth. Now, the other thing you can do is you can actually get the person behind you involved as well in bringing in three or four people. And it doesn't matter whether you interrupt the people that are talking. They don't really care because they're meeting new people. And it goes way over their head. They're not thinking about it at that level. So that's a great thing to do.  You don't need to stand there and actually keep talking to them. You can go up to them in a group of people. And what will happen is they will introduce you to the entire group of people. So now you can meet all these people and it's effortless and it's easy. And in fact, you can think of yourself as you are the mayor of great energy, right? You're walking around. You're the unofficial host of the party or the event. And that's what goes through my mind every time I'm doing this, right? I'm spreading goodwill. I'm spreading cheer. I'm bringing people together. In fact, I brought together people that have gotten married, have run marathons, have traveled the world together, started businesses. I mean, all these things just because I started out pointing and getting people together and that's all you need to do too. It's a very simple exercise and everyone feels awkward doing it the first time, right, or the first 10 times. And it doesn't really matter what you say because people will overlook that because they're more interested in the interaction themselves. So you don't have to have a precise sentence. There's no right words. The fact is if you do it, it will work. And I've had a lot of people, for people of social anxiety that are real introverts that have tried this and it's radically changed their life.


I'll put my five dollar guacamole up against anybody's fancy guacamole. Check out how I made it. Don't get your seat out like this. Do it like this. Two fingers thumb on the back and press.  Be careful not to go all the way through into your hand. Make a little checkerboard. And the reason I do that is because I like my guacamole chunky. Not all mashed up. Now we got us three avocados. Let's get some hot rotel. Bet you didn't know you could do that did you? Add your rotel. Now you need some cilantro. Add that in. Now you know what time it is. It's time for the dano's original. The green top and we're going to hit it with a pop pop. Mix that in together and there you have it. Now you know there's only one thing left to do. Let's give it a try. I'm telling you all what. First some canned tomatoes and some dano's. Now a little added cilantro. You're not beating that. You don't know until you dano yum yum. Get yourself.


Do you know the dark-eyed Himalayan gray langur is one of the least Steady species of langur. It is distributed in a varied habitat which includes dry savanna and tropical rainforest Now recently the scientists have made an effort to study about the diet habits of these species Do you know what they have found? That is what we are going to see in this video. Just wait to know more Langurs are an important species as they occupy a key position in the food chain of many forest ecosystems In India, most langurs come under the genus Semnopetakas Coming to the Himalayan gray langur its scientific name is Semnopetakas Ajax This Himalayan gray langur is a long-tailed monkey know that it is also known as cashmere gray langur These species can be easily identified by its large size and the silver dark-colored hair in the outer side of both the fore and Hyalurhams remember they incubate area between 2200 to 4000 meters above mean sea level in Subtropical forest then tropical moist temperate forest Alpine forest then coniferous and broad-leaved forest and they also found in scrublands In India earlier their distribution was reported from Himachal Pradesh and Jamun cashmere But now Himalayan gray langur or confined to the Shamba valley of the western Himalayas in Himachal Pradesh They are also reported to be found in Nepal and Pakistan now talking about their food habits They are basically Folivorous that is they are basically Leaf eaters, but they also feed on a combination of fruits leaves stem bags roots and flowers Sometimes they also observed feeding on insects the Himalayan gray langur is present in a particular area Only during some parts of the year they change their locality during different seasons depending upon the availability of food and Environmental conditions these langurs come to Agricultural fields during the harvesting of crops and move to the deep forest during the other periods of the year So in the recent past it had been recorded that the langurs usually raid the crops of local farmers This is mainly due to the destruction of langurs natural habitat and reduction in the natural food resources of this species in the Forest see the raiding of crops by langurs causes huge economic losses to farmers So our new kind of conflict has developed between the ecology of these animals and local farmers now talking about the threats to Himalayan gray langur the major threat is habitat loss That is the expansion of human population and developmental work leads to habitat loss Then the other threats include land degradation land fragmentation Overgracing forest fire deforestation and etc. Now talking about conservation status They are placed in the endangered category under the IUCN red list of endangered species Recently a study was conducted on diet composition of two groups of Himalayan gray langur This particular study was conducted in the area, which is in and around the Kalatop Khajiar wildlife sanctuary in Himachal Pradesh That is one group of langur is inhibiting the Kalatop forest at an average altitude of 2396 meters and the other group is based in the Khajiar forest at an average altitude of 2188 meters the study found that the Domains of the two groups were only 208 meters apart But the altitudinal gap made a huge difference on their diet the Kalatop group Satisfied their craving by feeding on flowers But the Khajiar group ate fruits for a change of taste and the study highlighted that the preference for fruit Or flowers is due to the difference in their distribution in terms of elevation and availability of a particular plant part I hope now you can understand how a single geographical factor could contribute to an adaptation So to know more concepts like these you can subscribe to Shankar IAS Academy YouTube channel now Thank you for listening


All right, happy New Year everyone. AJ and Johnny here, we are so excited to kick off the New Year with happiness. Now last month we talked all about habit building to get you ready for those New Year's resolutions and hit the ground running here in 2019. So if you're tackling some new habits in the New Year, dive back into last month's episodes. We had an amazing in-depth toolbox episode. We dug into the science behind willpower and self-awareness. We also looked at two very interesting articles that discuss some of the common problems everyone encounters when it comes to building new habits and maintaining those new habits. And we had one of our favorite authors on Charles Duhigg, amazing author of The Power of Habit. And we had an amazing conversation with him all around exactly how to keep that willpower going. Now we wrapped things last month with a Q and A with Lisa Wimberger, the founder of the Neurosculpting Institute, looking at how to rewire our brain, especially how to overcome that fight or flight response that some of us may be feeling, especially when it comes to socializing. Now in this episode, we're gonna talk all about happiness, what it is, what it isn't, and how we can start to create some aha moments for you because I know diving into this research, I learned a lot about happiness. And then we're gonna take a deep dive into designing a life that leads to happiness and fulfillment. Who doesn't want that? And there's so much more. So this is gonna be a two-part toolbox episode. I know, Johnny, you're very excited to kick it off in the new year. Certainly am. Now, this theme of happiness, when we think about it, I think there are a lot of misconceptions around happiness. In fact, a lot of us tie happiness to pleasure. But let's first just look at the definition. If we pull up the old Miriam Webster dictionary, well, they define happiness as a state of well-being and contentment and a pleasurable or satisfying experience. And I think most of us, when we think of happiness, we think of number two. We think of that pleasurable or satisfying experience. And for a lot of us, we think of happiness in the past. Thinking about those times in our lives where we did feel happy, whether it was on the beach, drinking a pina colada, up in wine country, having some wine, whatever the case may be, that's where a lot of us get stuck when we think about happiness. Well, if I told you to be happy right now, you would do the immediate gratification trick to get happy, right? And if, but if I challenged you and started asking questions about that happiness and why you were doing that and why is that going to lead to happiness, after a few questions, that idea might change. It's just what we're gonna go to first for instant feeling good. And of course, who doesn't want the pleasurable side of happiness, right? When we think about happiness, everyone wants some pleasure in their lives. I know for a lot of us, that is the one thing we think of when we think happiness. Well, if I, what is it? It's Friday, it's Thursday, right? It's about three o'clock. And if I said, AJ, you know what? We need to go out and have some fun, right? Yeah. The first thought is like, all right, what pleasure? Let's hit those buttons. Let's get boozing. Let's see what's going on. But if we pulled out a bit, right? And we're able to start asking ourselves questions about, okay, what is going to allow us to be happy even later on this evening? And then tomorrow, Saturday is drinking right now, going to allow us to be happy later. When you get home, wasted, how's Amy gonna be jet? Well, how am I gonna get my workouts in the morning? That's the next question. Then Saturday, right? How's that going to line up if our answer to happiness was to go boozing right now? And so there is, I guess it's a different picture, one from farther up than the other one, right? A bigger piece. Yeah, and I think contentment, okay, we're starting to get somewhere when we talk about contentment versus pleasure, which can be overwhelming, right? Ice cream makes you happy, but you can't eat gallons and gallons and gallons of ice cream. The pleasure is going to end, especially if you're lactose intolerant. That's maybe after a couple spoonfuls. So pleasure is not what we're searching for here. And Dr. Rubin Kodrum wrote an article in Psychology Today with an amazing definition. And basically it's more than a simply positive mood, happiness is a state of well-being that encompasses living a good life. That is a life with a sense of meaning and deep satisfaction. Now, we have a great interview coming up with Dr. Russ Harris, the author of the Happiness Trab. And he describes happiness in a way that we also really like, living a rich and meaningful life in which we feel the full range of human emotions without a struggle. Well, okay, that's a little different than this whole pleasure concept, right? The full range of emotions without a struggle, well, there are some positive emotions and there are some not so positive emotions in there. Yes, and there's also positive emotions linked to struggle and linked to negative emotions. So when we think about this idea of happiness and chasing happiness and wanting more happiness in our life, we gotta look beyond just pleasure. And of course, when we think about, okay, contentment, right? Well, contentment opens a whole other door for us. I can feel content without having a massive amount of pleasure. I can feel content without going out to the bar boozing, without going out chasing conversations or chasing fun. So contentment is more about life satisfaction, is more about finding that happy medium, whereas pleasure is obviously chasing what feels best in the moment. What feels best in the moment, but also, you know, I think it also has to do with alleviating emotions that may be tied with the past and knocking out emotions that might be tied to what's coming up in the future. So past resentments or future anxieties and alleviating ourselves of those as well, because I think those certainly play a large role in what we're gonna do in the moment, right? Absolutely, and I feel when I was thinking about this episode and I was thinking about all those moments in my life that I felt my happiest, a lot of times, if I really were to steal it down in those actual moments, I don't know that I was truly happy. I don't know that I was truly present. So if you take the example of sitting on a beach, right? Enjoying an amazing vacation.  So it doesn't always mean that you're even happy in the moment. For a lot of us, we look back fondly on the past and we determine, oh, I was happy then, I was happy here, I was happy there, but oftentimes in the moment, that happiness is more fleeting. My sister, she had gotten married a while ago and her wedding was in the Keys in Florida. And I remember going in on that island, there wasn't any, it was one of those islands where there's no internet service. They try to make it as remote as possible so the only thing that you can do is to relax and not do anything else. I'm already getting a little stress hearing about that. I don't know how relaxing that is, no Wi-Fi, no technology. Absolutely, and I remember, I was like, well, that's nice at all, but I got stuff to do, right? I can't believe I'm stuck here for six days or whatever it was. And it was something in that trip that I remember finally, what was it like, four days in, five days in, that I just stopped all that nonsense altogether. I didn't quit thinking about the past and quit thinking about what I had to do. I was just like, well, I'm stuck here, I might as well enjoy it, right?  I want more of that. But there was a wind-down process that needed to happen in order for me to enjoy that. There was no way I could just flip the switch and say, okay, now I'm just gonna relax. There was a process that my body needed to do to get to that point. Now, could I have maybe helped that? I'm sure I could have rather than fighting it. And I think this is also a lot of what people who do a lot of meditation or go on these retreats discuss where it takes a few days for you to finally quit fighting all the thoughts and just focus on there and then. And then of course all the sensations that come with actually being present for the first time. Well, yeah, we had Jesse and surround one of our favorite interviews last year, 2018. Yes. And he did just that. He went to a monastery. Yeah. And for a guy who's wired in, who's an entrepreneur, who's got a lot going on, he was bouncing off the walls. So unplugging may not always lead us to that happy moment immediately. But the more we can focus on becoming present in the moment, that allows us an opportunity to start to find some of this happiness. Now, another thing that when people think about happiness, they think about comfort. All right, the more comfortable I am, well of course the more happy I am. But comfort and happiness are not the same thing. No. In fact, if your attempt at happiness is to stay in your comfort zone every day of your life, as we know with all of our boot camp participants, comfort zone is not where happiness is found. It's not where the magic's happening. Absolutely not. And I marvel at the people who are able to be content by just being comfortable because as I had mentioned, I start to, it's just not my DNA. I need to be doing stuff. And this is what's going to get, and we're gonna get to this later when we're gonna be talking about finding meaning and purpose, right? Right. Now, you actually had a great conversation with one of our coaches here, Michael, who also helps us on the show helping with all this amazing research. You may have worked with them in our core confidence programs or seen them on some of our master classes. But you guys actually talked about the three influencing factors of happiness and it was such a great conversation that we're actually just gonna listen to it now. So Michael, you've pulled a great study that's really gonna set up this episode in this month. Would you like to tell us more about it? Yes, I think when we talk about happiness, we are going to do this extensively throughout this month. I think the most important thing to start with is to look at the three factors that make up happiness. It turns out there are three influencing factors. This goes back to a psychologist, Sonja Leon-Bomirsky. That's a tongue breaker right there who works in the field of positive psychology. And she's done some in-depth research about this and we'll link to her work in the show notes. But it all starts with, let's start with the first component. So this is the environment, our circumstances, right? Where you live, maybe your health, your job, stuff like that, right? The country you're living in. So you would imagine that this has a lot of influence on your happiness, right? Well, I think a lot of people would think it's a major part of a component to that happiness. I think that's the misconception. Yeah, and what she found out, however, was that this accounts for 10% of your happiness, 10%. The difference of living in a first world country, third world country, being rich, being poor. Yeah, there's a difference and the difference is 10%. So are you telling me that sitting on the beach with a pina clada is only gonna be 10% of that happiness? No, because there are two more components. There are two more. We're just covering, this is going to influence your happiness at about the level of 10%. Now, the next one, the next influence on your level of happiness is going to be your genes. And I don't mean your pants, I mean your DNA. And this is a little bit of bad news, right? Telling people that the amount of happiness you're feeling is strongly correlated with the DNA that you've been given. And yeah, it's kind of bad news, but I mean, this is the science, right? For us, it's really important that we share the science and we don't just make up stuff. And guys, this is how it is. So in a recent and massive study, they studied the genomic data of 300,000 people and there were 190 researchers involved in that study.  And here's the bad news, it's 50%. Of your happiness is determined by your DNA. So that's a little bit of a sucker punch there because 50% is a lot. And we've all seen those people who seem that they run at a highly positive manner all the time and it's easy to get mad at those people. And I have been personally called somebody who is happy go lucky but I hadn't always been that sort of person. Even if you draw the happy card and 50%, you got the best genes in regards to happiness, you get all the good variants, right? Now you're still only at 50% happy. It's a good start but I wanna do more than that. I wouldn't want to stay at the 50%. I wanna get to 100, I wanna get to 90. And this is where the third factor comes in. So we had 10% environment, we had 50% genes and now the remaining 40%, that's the mindset. That's when you see the glass either half full or half empty. And by the way, Johnny, I don't like the metaphor at all. When people say, hey, you know what? Should I see the glass half empty or half full?  You should be drinking that drink and have fun. Anyway, but it's just my riff on that metaphor. So you have 40% of your happiness that are dependent on how you think about things. And I think that's such a great piece of data to process. It's such great news because when I came to the recording and I was wearing my pink bunny suit and you said, Michael, what on earth? Pink bunny suit to a podcast recording. Are you kidding me? I could have taken this two ways, right? I could have said, oh no, I'm such a dummy. What was I thinking? Pink bunny suit, not working. Or I could say, okay, you know what? I learned something here.  Next time this is gonna stay in the closet until it's time to party. And by the way, I'm not wearing a pink bunny suit.  Sorry about that. But that's the difference, right? How do I process the things that are happening in my life? Am I learning from them or not? You know, it's something you brought up earlier about it when we said that your genetics are gonna account for 50% and you said, I'm sorry, that's just the facts. Well, here we are with now mindset being 40% of it. And once again, we're sorry, but those are the facts. That means that your happiness is dependent on you. And I can tell you that when I learned that, and that's one of the first things that I learned when I got into self-development, and that changed my whole world. Because up until that point, I was angry, I was bitter, because I was looking for happiness. I was under the impression that happiness was something that needed to be earned. It was something that you had to go get, you had to achieve it. I didn't know that you could just be happy. I'm reminded of the discussion that you and AJ had with Dr. Stephen Hayes. And I think what's important to point out here is, A, if you haven't listened to that episode, you're crazy, you need to listen to it. But also, we're talking about getting happy and using tools and techniques to get this, to get this happiness into our life. But let's look back at the definition of what is happiness. It's living a good life with a sense of meaning and deep satisfaction. So that means that if you're getting out of bed in the morning or going back into bed in the evening and you're thinking, oh, I'm not feeling happy, go lucky right now, that's not the right question. The right question to ask is, I left my bed 16 hours ago, did I live a meaningful life in the middle? And yeah, maybe I did. Maybe I'm going back to bed and I'm not all smiley, but I know that I did something good all day. And that is the happiness that we're looking for. That's at least what I want in my life. Because the easy happiness I can have with a bucket of ice cream in four weeks on the beach. Yeah, I know for myself that the more tools that I got, the better I became at being more consistently happy and lending itself to always find things in the positive. Because let's face it, positive people are happy people are attractive people. And I have people in my life who could use a better outlook on things, who could use some better tools, but letting them know that exposing that is a very tricky thing because no one wants to learn that they have been living in agony or pain or anger and that they were the primary, well, they were primarily responsible for feeling that manner. And how easy, how influential would it be if you up that 40% if you started working on that and got it up 40%, that would be a game changer for everyone out there. Yeah, and you can paint your experiences any way that you want. And as we learned in last month's theme, once you begin doing certain behaviors and actions, you're only doomed to repeat them unless you bring those actions and behaviors to a conscious level and actively change them, which means you have to awaken yourself to having this choice, bringing it to a conscious level.  So if he's been doing it 20, 30 years, well, why change now? You've programmed yourself in. In fact, it's your programmed in and doing what you're programmed to do. So of course you think you're making the right decision.  Why change it?  So if your worldview that you have meticulously put together, is it true, is wrong? You're not gonna feel very safe, are you? No, definitely not. Yeah, but you don't have to change everything. You don't have to change your entire life around in one go. You can realize that you wanna change something and then coming back to the month of habit building, one thing at a time, baby steps, setting the foundation with the first thing, then the next thing, then the next thing. Maybe just put on a smile when you come out of bed as you drink that first cup of coffee and leave it at that and then you can live the rest of your day grumpy as always, but make that a habit and then build on it and build on it and bring in those 40% of happiness to the maximum. Johnny, by the way, there's something that I feel I need to point out with all the research that we put into this month of happiness. So when I was talking about the study that showed that 10% happiness is based on the environment, 50% is genetic and 40% is mindset. Now the important thing to note here, and I know this is a detail, but you can show off when you tell this to your buddies in the pub for all you listeners out there. So we're not talking about the variance in happiness here. We're not talking about concrete happiness. So what do I mean by that? When you say, when you sit at home and you say, okay, my happiness right now is at a five, zero to 10, it's a five. That does not mean that 2.5% are genetic, 0.5 are environment and two points are mindset. That's not how the study works. But Johnny, if we were to talk and I say, Johnny, right now, my happiness at a five and you say, oh, Michael, mine's at a 10, I'm awesome. Now we have five points difference and those we can break down that way. There we can say, okay, Johnny, the reason we have five points difference in our level of happiness, 2.5 is genetic, 0.5, so you're in sunny LA and I'm in Louisiana. And two points, that's just, you have a better mindset than I do. Wow, I like that. And that's great. And those two points, how much better are you gonna feel putting those two points to that five? Which is great. Now you're at 70%, how rad is that? So as you can see, happiness is not just a synonym for pleasure and comfort. It means living a meaningful life. And that's something that you can purposefully design, right? It's, you can create this. You can sit down, you can create it. Okay, that was a lot of stuff, Johnny. And we just really want you to take away from that conversation that happiness is not pleasure, it's not comfort. It comes down to leading a good life. So if happiness comes down to leading a good life, well then we wanna start to design that good life. And we wanna work towards happiness, not just in the moment where it's fleeting and we're chasing it, but we wanna start to build to a year of 2019 that's full of happiness and a lifetime that's full of happiness. Well, and also if you can get to those moments, those fleeting moments where you are present and feel in that manner to make those breaks and those spots more consistent and drawing them out so you can be in that moment more. Well, who wouldn't wanna be in that moment more? Absolutely not. Well, you know, that is why I chase and have always chased music. Now for myself, and I think everyone has these moments for a musician, there isn't for those of you who perform out there, there is that moment on stage where you transcend everything else that's going on. There is no past thoughts. There's no anxiety of thoughts in the future, what we were talking about earlier and this might even roll with back to Jesse Itzler in that monastery, but there is a moment where all of a sudden none of that matters but you actually transcend even, well, you could say for some people, it's almost a spiritual thing of feeling as if you are now not human, you're now part of the music. And when those things, when those moments happen, what's like, well, how do I get back to that? It's like, well, I need to put on another show, we need to be playing. And the grander that is as somebody who's done a lot of performing, it's one thing at a club level and a theater level, you couldn't even imagine what it might be like at a stadium level. And of course in that moment, there is, it's not as if you would feel immortal because you don't even feel human, what is that to somebody who's transcended life in and of itself, you're now a musical note, you are now that music. And I think sports fans or athletes find those moments when everything comes in, what is that saying? They're hot, right? Flow stay in the zone, we've all heard that. And there's no other thoughts except that being present in that moment. Everything else fades away. And here we had spoke to Sugar Ray Leonard a few months ago and how about that flow state? And how long did he chase that? How many times did he come out of retirement to being that moment again? And now we look at it and what is he after? Well, a life with purpose, right? That's what this comes down to. When we start to design the good life, it boils down to purpose. And last month, Charles Duhigg said, you, when you find purpose and you start asking the right questions, you can make anything meaningful. You can make driving your kids to school sitting in traffic meaningful. Absolutely.    And that gives me greater purpose than, oh, I'm honking the horn, I'm stuck. I'm pissed off at the world because I gotta do this commute.  And for myself, I had found that, luckily I had found that early in life with music to understand what that felt like. And then of course, when that mission changed and it became the art of charm, I knew it straight away what that felt like because I've already had it with music. And I think that's the one thing that we hear in conversations with our clients coming through the programs and even the questions in the show is like, how do you find that purpose? How do you find that meaning? And to your point, we both got lucky, right? Whether it was music and now moving to the art of charm. I know in graduate school, I did not have meaning or purpose. I was beaten down. I was certainly not happy in that moment. And it makes every day that much more difficult when you don't have that under you. When you have that purpose, you're like, well, I don't care what's happening today. I'm rolling on because this is bigger than me. As you know, as we've been doing this, how that has made this road that after 12 years, we look back and laugh, but it was not easy. And then we have a road ahead that is not easy. But when you distill it down to that purpose, right? And for a lot of us, it's going to come in service of others. I know for me, the second I got involved in the bootcamps and involved in the coaching and then seeing the change, the transformation in other people's lives, even when I was struggling to make the transformation myself, talk about having some purpose and letting a fire under you. To this day, I bounce into Tuesday's lecture, still so fired up and excited because the purpose is there. I'm helping people take control of their social life, build meaningful relationships, repair broken relationships. And ultimately, as we've talked about numerous times, the more connected we are as humans, the healthier we are, the happier we are. Well, and of course, for those guys to now feel a part of something that is bigger than themselves and which is the AOC community and on a different level. So we got to start designing this good life with intention. And when it comes to purpose, well, let's talk about this gradient that we dubbed Vice Joy Dedication Gradient because a lot of us may not fully understand where we fall on this gradient. So we're gonna break down what we mean by vice which obviously, as Johnny was talking about, that could be tipping the bottle, that could be doing some things that are harmful to your health to chase that minute of pleasure. That could be joy, which would be going on a date with your partner, going out with your friends, being on stage, getting a whole and one on the golf course, right? Those all obviously resonate with us. Dedication maybe not something we thought about with happiness, right? Dedication for a lot of us, that doesn't necessarily jump to mind when we're thinking happiness. Well, once again, it plays a larger role than the moment that you're in in that second. And that's tied to that purpose, right? If we have purpose and meaning, then it's okay for us to lean in and start to have that dedication to something bigger than us, something greater than us. And I think that as part of the charm with the myth of Sisyphus, right? He has now, he has now sentenced to eternity to push this rock up this hill every day. And when you think about it, you know, to be having this as what you're gonna be doing for the rest of your life to push this rock up and when you reach the top, only for it to roll down the back of the bottom of the hill and you get back to push it. Now, of course it's terrifying thought to have that as what you're gonna be doing tomorrow. That is, that's treachery to know when that's the wake up to. But what is, what was the twist to that and the secret of that is that he had found meaning and pushing that rock up that hill. Can I do it better than the last time? Can I do it faster? Can I get more out of each push than the push before? And all of a sudden, he started smiling of now there is meaning and purpose in what he is doing and what the thought of this internal hell that he was put in has now become his life's work. And think about that. How amazing is that when you can have these things working to your advantage and now you have a greater purpose that it doesn't necessarily feel like every day is treachery pushing the rock up the hill. When we can have dedication with pleasure, now we're moving into the joy side of things. Vice is just pleasure for the sake of pleasure. As we know, you're gonna wake up tomorrow with a hangover at a minimum. You're not gonna be feeling your best. It's stealing happiness in the long term. Joy, on the other hand, is something that gives us pleasure but has greater meaning to us than just that fleeting, oh, I gotta get another drink, I gotta go party, I gotta go celebrate.  We can't spend all of our life working on pleasure. You know, I think a lot of us have tried as long as we possibly could to stay in vice. Some have held on longer than others as we even heard from Sugar Ray. Absolutely, but, you know, when you're 20, vice is great because those hangovers aren't so long.   But as you get older, your body needs more time to recuperate. And then when I think about the cost analysis to it, night of drinking now, I don't think about tomorrow morning. I have to think about all of tomorrow and possibly the day after that. That's a big commitment. Now you're opening Pandora's box. Yeah, and with everything that we have going on here and all the meaning that we've worked so hard to build for ourselves in doing this, well, now that decision takes away from the real happiness. And now that decision's very easy. It's like, well, looks like I'm not going out this evening because I want to wake up early and hit my notes and have a conversation with AJ. So we come into the studio fired up so that all of you on the other end of this get a great show. And that's where the dedication comes in, right? If we're just focusing on the fleeting, vice-driven pleasure, we're not ultimately happy. And that's not just drinking, right? We can talk about binge eating ice cream. We can talk about binging Netflix, right? Sitting there for six, seven hours watching all law and order episodes or catching up on your favorite Netflix show. Well, it's going to drive you a little bit of pleasure. Sure. So it's a lot of pleasure. So is that Big Mac. But it's not happiness, right? We don't want to conflate the two. So moving away from pleasure on this axis, on this gradient, we want to start moving towards dedication. And when we can live a life filled with dedication with greater meaning and purpose, now we're hitting that happiness sweet spot. And obviously there are various ways we can be dedicated. We can be dedicated to our health, working out. We've talked a lot about how that increases your mental health and happiness. We can be dedicated to charity work, right? Being in service to others. You can be dedicated to your job and find meaning and purpose in that and ultimately happiness. Now, this is the gold mine for happiness. When we talk about dedication, you know, how many times, Johnny, have we looked back over the last six months now and thought about all those trainings that we went through for the half marathon, all the sessions with Chris that were, in a lot of ways, whether it's pushing a rock up a hill or flipping a tire. But some days it certainly felt like that, right? But there is that idea that, wait a second here guys, dedication. Like I don't understand how we're getting to happiness here. And when you pile up all those moments and look back to achieving that goal of finishing the half marathon, there's immense amount of happiness that comes along with that. There's immense amount of joy that comes along with putting in the hard work, reaching your goals. Well, and how important that is to, and I could use the word, to our human soul, right? We yearn for it. I mean, you and I were just talking about a guy we read about online yesterday. Yes, who journeyed across and art ago. An article, right? It took him 59 days. He had a loved one and I believe he had a wife. Yeah. Some of the ridiculous posts that I had saw from him that he, that they put in the article, was nothing that I want to experience. No, or the guy who swam around the UK, right? Battling jellyfish and everything else in his wetsuit. A lot of people look at that and go, happiness. I don't see any happiness in Antarctica. I don't see any happiness in the water swimming around the UK. Why do human beings constantly put themselves in what some of us would call insanity, pure chaos? Why? Well, because they have dedicated themselves to a higher purpose where that training, that treasury, being in the middle of Antarctica where the only other color that you're going to see is what you're wearing, when the sky, the picture. Talk about white out. That picture they showed with the overcast sky meeting at the horizon of just the snow that you're trouncing upon. White on white on white. For days on end, right? And so how do you drive anything amazing from that? How do you drive joy, dedication from that? Well, the dedication is, if you don't continue going, there ain't going to be anything else.  And the minute you do that, right? What is it, when you find a why, you'll figure out you can get through anyhow? Absolutely. And when we have that why, we're starting to actually get into the happiness that we're talking about here. Not the fleeting ate a bowl of ice cream happy that lasts a few minutes until that stomach ache, but the happiness that gives you greater meaning in your life. And if we look at all the people we admire, right? What do they all have in common? Dedication. Dedication. Dedication, whether it's their sport, whether it's their company, whether it's their career choices, whether it's their athletic prowess, not even sports, right? Talking about tackling Antarctica, swimming around in the English Channel. All of these people that we admire, that we look up to who've accomplished great things, in order to accomplish those things, there had to be a level of dedication. So when we talk about happiness, we wanna move away from just the sheer pleasure, the fleeting happiness that we're talking about. We wanna move on that gradient towards dedication. That's where we actually start to have that joy and happiness that we're all looking for. Johnny, you have a great circles analogy that I'm sure our audience will love. Well, one of the things that I always talk about when we're in class is the purpose and the reason for working on yourself to be a high value person and what that means and why it's so important. And so these is the way I can describe this. And I'm gonna try to make it easy for all of you who are listening because there's a visual that goes along with this, but it's not too difficult. And that visual is, if we would take a sheet of paper and we would just put a bunch of circles on that sheet of paper and let's put hundreds on that sheet of paper and let's make the middle one somewhere in the middle there. Let's make that red, okay? And that red circle is gonna represent us. And now somewhere else on that sheet of paper, we wanna have a larger circle that basically is your life defined as a life it is worth fighting for. What is the dream life that you've always wanted that you would go to war for, that you would throw yourself in a harm's way because that is the ultimate goal. Yeah, what's your Antarctica? Exactly, I love it. So now the thing about it is any direction that you would move to get to that life, you're gonna have to encounter other circles. Now, meaning people, people, right? And that's the resistance that you're gonna create that's in your way. Now, that resistance of each circle determines how it sees the world and what it has going on. So if a circle has a negative disposition, then you can imagine that as an uncooperative person that you have to deal with getting to your goal. It may work against you, who may fight you on your way to that goal. Yeah, there's plenty of those people out there. And then some of those other circles are very friendly. They have a positive disposition in life and they don't offer too much resistance. They open the door for you or they help you out, they give you a job and hey, so. And of course, now when you're looking at that man, it's like, okay, well, I wanna encounter positive disposition people because that's gonna make getting to what my desired life is here to get to. Well, that's not so easy because here's the thing about it. We're not quite sure who's negative and who's positive. You can't touch a book that's covered, you have to engage to find out. And there's another set of circles, which is circles that depending on how you engage with them will turn to positive or negative.  And here's the thing, how long can you continue going out to build your dream life, running into negative disposition to people who slowly start chipping at your resolve to where you become a negative circle as well. It doesn't take too many.  Yeah, it's gonna be very frustrating. Very frustrating. And it's one of the main reasons that we sit here having this conversation, right? When we talk about becoming charming, we're talking about taking those circles that haven't quite become a plus or a minus, a positive or a negative and working together, being cooperative to move them closer to the positive so that we can start moving towards our greater circle that goal. Absolutely. And the thing about it is, you don't know what circles are which, some who you might think are positives are actually negatives and sometimes you get so caught up on what you're doing is you accidentally cause some to turn negative rather than positive. It's a whole mess. So how now do you go about doing this? Well, obviously the more you can stay positive in the face of any negativity, the better off you're gonna be because you're gonna continue running into positive circles or turning circles to positive and you'll sustain damage from the negative Nancy's out there. But if you could keep your head up, you can venture on. But, and here's where it gets difficult and this is where it becomes a greater purpose. In order for you not to have your resolve chipped away by all the negativity and the resistance that you meet out there, you have to cultivate a high value character within yourself and you just can't go out and be nice. That is, that service level is not through and through. You'll eventually, that'll be chipped away.  You don't lose your momentum. Exactly.  That is the fastest way that you are going to reach and build the dream life that you've always wanted for yourself. And that is why we have this show. This is why we talk about the things that we're talking about and though it's not easy, that journey of cultivating that can be a lot of fun. Now, I know, Johnny, every single time we talk about meaning and purpose, we hear from our listeners.  I don't get an opportunity to run an awesome podcast or get in front of the room and coach people. I don't have meaning and purpose right now but I'm stuck in this job. I need the paycheck. I need to get by, I got bills. How can I find meaning in what I do? You know, it's not as if I've never been there and it's not as if you've never been there and it's not as if everyone who is, who've reached and built that life for themselves haven't found themselves in a situation that is exactly what you've just described. Yeah, and we had Alex Benayan on last year who interviewed amazingly successful people and he heard the same thing too. They all have struggled. They've all been in dead-end jobs. They've all been unhappy. Whether it's Bill Gates unhappy at Harvard, it doesn't matter. People who are successful that we admire have gone through moments where they didn't have meaning, they didn't have purpose. So let's talk about how do we find that? And Charles Duhigg last month started to talk about this with asking the right questions. Yes. And we love Angela Duckworth's book, Grit and she suggests you ask why. What a question. Why are you doing what you are doing? And the important thing is not to just ask this once, right? If you just ask it once, you're not actually following the exercise. We want you to ask this again and again until you arrive at that top level goal. So why, why, why, why? This is what we're asking here. When, let's say you're just sitting at McDonald's and know, Johnny, you had a fast food job, I had a pizza job growing up, working in a pizzeria.  Making food, it's difficult to find purpose and meaning in that. I'm not going to lie. When you're not happy flipping burgers, but let's, let's take this to its conclusion. Why are you doing this job? Well, I need the money. Well, why do you need the money? Because I got to pay for college. And why do you got to pay for college? Because I want to get a degree in engineering. Why do you want a degree in engineering? Because I want to develop sustainable, because I want to develop sustainable sources of energy. Okay. Well, why do you want to develop sustainable sources of energy? Well, because I want to save nature. I care about the environment. Why? Well, because growing up, I loved going to the lake with my family. I had a lake house. It was amazing being out in nature, actually seeing the stars. How incredible is that? And I'd love future generations to be able to experience stars. Wow, that got pretty big, didn't it? So we just went from flipping burgers to a deeper meaning in our life, finding that why and starting on the Y train until you get to that top level meaning that we're talking about here. And when you ask yourself why, this is something that we were talking about with Lisa. It's about turning on the prefrontal cortex. If you just, you're waking up, you're, why am I here? You're turning that on rather than just going asleep at the wheel, doing what you've always done without questioning it. And you will be surprised what you find out. You would be surprised to know why you're where you are. And all of a sudden, wait a minute, there's now choices that are be had if you wake yourself up. And that's really important because if you, there's other roads to get to where you need to go. And if you're not asking those questions, you're not going to find them. One of the most difficult jobs that I have ever done. And I talked about this class all the time. I worked construction. I was framing houses in North Carolina. Million dollar homes on 12, 12 pictures. I can't believe they trusted you with a hammer.  There was a lot of guys on that job site that did not want me with a hammer. I know, I've seen your parents share. They didn't even want me there, first of all. They named me Sally May in 10 minutes on that day on that job site. Now, you know, I had done that job for two years, but I remember being asleep at the wheel, going there every day for about two weeks, this was going on.  Sounds lovely. Yeah. And this is, and I'm experiencing, this is what I just moved to North Carolina. It's June.  I'm getting it all, right? And I remember just getting yelled at every day and there was no purpose in it. And I started asking myself questions. Well, why are you here? Well, I'm here because I want to play music and this is what was great about this because North Carolina Chapel Hill at that time in the mid 90s had a budding music scene and I've always wanted to be a part of something like that. So I had the opportunity to move down there. And okay, so at night I'm going to go to see shows during the day, I got to go to work. And I remember how difficult that was. And I remember thinking, well, I just can't quit because quitting this job means that I don't have a job. And I'm going back to Greensburg, Pennsylvania. And if any of you who've out there who've grown up in a small town know that you need to reach escape velocity are just going to get sucked back in. It's very difficult. Especially when people just don't come and go as they do in a metropolitan area, you know, little town, that's where you are. And everyone you know just grows up in Dizer. It was difficult. So I wanted to get out. So now that I'm out, not getting shipped back. So I need to work this job. And I remember thinking, well, I can't leave it then. And so I have two other choices and it was accept it or change it. Well, first it was easy to accept because, well, I'm here. I'm in it. I'm sadly me. I got a hammer and they're yelling at me. So I'm accepting it. And I remember thinking, well, I can also change this job. Talk about Sisyphus, right? It's like all of a sudden I have a job building houses. I have no idea how to build houses. Oh, I know. You still have no idea how to build houses. So I decided, you know what? I have this opportunity because every day I gotta be here. I might as well get something out of this. When am I gonna get out of this? Well, I'm gonna learn how to build a house. So that night I couldn't even go to sleep. I got so excited because all of a sudden I had this new opportunity of this job where I'm gonna learn how to build a house. Why did that not happen for two weeks? Well, sometimes it takes you a little while. But when it hit, it hit. And for that whole day, when that day ended at that shift, I was upset that we were going home because I was having so much fun contributing to this project that was bigger than me. And for a second straight night, I couldn't sleep because all I wanted to do was work on this house. And it was once those things clicked, then for me at that time, it was an amazing experience. And I turned the whole thing into an adult-sized jungle gym. I'm swinging from rafters, climbing up rickety scaffolding. And at 21, summer, North Carolina, this was an amazing experience, an opportunity. However, I had to get there through a series of questions because I was asleep at the will until then. And obviously we work with a lot of millennials. I may or may not be a millennial based on science. I've straddled a line between Gen X and millennial. And one of the things that comes up again and again with our clients is, OK, that's great for you. But what can I take from this? And so many of us now have started to realize that your career is going to be changing and shifting. And you're not like your parents or grandparents going to just start that job out of college, work your way up from the factory floor to the executive suite with that same company, get that pension plan, retire comfortably. So one of the biggest lenses or frame shifts that I always preach, whether it's when I'm myself looking at all the struggles that I've had, is what skills can I learn from this? What can I take away from this job, even if this job sucks, that I can take that skill set and move it and work it towards my overarching goal? So I may not be happy working at Best Buy, slinging computers, but what can I take out of that? Oh, sales, sales skills. Well, those are extremely valuable. So when you start to zoom out a little bit and take a different lens, and that's why I love this why thread, when you ask why, why, why, why, why, you get to that greater meaning or purpose. And one of the things we talked about a little earlier is those challenges and the pursuit of excellence. That is another great way to find meaning.  That's a great way to find that purpose, to find that joy, to get to that place of happiness. And listen, we understand that a lot of the stuff that we talk about are unique, amazing opportunities to us, but every single one of us has an opportunity for excellence. Whether it's writing code, whether it's building houses, whether it's taking on that half marathon, it doesn't just have to be physical, but when you align yourself with the pursuit of excellence, I wanna be the best coder, I wanna be the best programmer, I wanna be the best doctor, I wanna be the best cancer biologist. Now we are creating greater purpose than just us, greater meaning. And before people get lost, when they start thinking about the best and everything, and be like, well, I can't be at David Goggins where I'm never gonna be this guy, it's not about comparing yourself to others, it's about being the best one that you could be. Right, it's excellence for you. It's not excellence comparing myself to Elon Musk, it's not excellence comparing myself to an ultra athlete like LeBron James. Well, compared to Elon, I could smoke a joint better than him. I don't know. I don't know, he's had memes, yeah, he's had memes made out of his smoking style of excellence. Now, in Cal Newport's book, So Good They Can't Ignore You, he writes that you should do any task with as much excellence as you can muster. And I know, Johnny, we love the saying, how you do anything is how you do everything. Yes, and you know, even having that in the back of your head it makes you start to approach things a lot differently. And understanding that we're always on the pursuit of excellence. We're trying to get better on this show. We've been asking you, our audience, to give us reviews, to give us feedback, to let us know how we're growing into the show and making it our own. That pursuit of excellence, that's longer than six months. It's longer than training for a half marathon. It's a lifelong goal. I mean, and some would even see it as a trap, but not to the person who's working through it. I want to give up the example of one of my favorite podcasters. I know you love them as well. Dan Carlin, we'll just give Dan props. If you're not a fan of hardcore history and it's something you should check out, everyone. I would say the who's who in podcasting certainly know Dan Carlin. They understand excellence. And Dan is now at a point where he's, he might be doing one episode a year because that is where he has gotten himself into trying the top, the last one. And the thing about it is, no one's gonna shake Dan's tree and get him out of this because at the end of the day, he has to be content with himself of what he just accomplished. And that's his legacy. Now, in these moments, right? So instead of thinking about, oh, I'm flipping that burger, I want to make it the best tasting burger this customer's ever had, right? I want to build the most beautiful house in North Carolina. When you flip the frame, chasing excellence becomes purpose, meaning, and again, that sweet spot for happiness that we've been talking about. Now, the last one we want to talk about is task-focused attention. Now, this is a great study done. And Dan Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth in 2010, they studied the effect of daydreaming on one side and task-focused attention on the other. And it's aptly titled, A Wandering Mind is an Unhappy Mind. 2,250 participants in the study received an app that randomly throughout the day asked them what they are doing, what they were thinking and how they felt. On average, they reported being less happy when they were daydreaming. The exception to that was daydreaming about a happy event in the future, in the past, right? That idea of thinking about your trip to Mexico, sitting on the beach, sipping your pina colada, as you can imagine, that would evoke some happiness. But in general, daydreaming makes you less happy. Now, it's a double punch, because daydreaming not only makes you less happy than task-focused attention, you're also missing out on life on top of that. Yes. When you're sitting there daydreaming, life is passing you by. So we now understand that when we have a task that we are focused on, we're putting our attention towards it, we can start to cultivate happiness. And does it just end there? Guess how much time they found people spent daydreaming, Johnny? It's a lot. 50% of our waking lives, we are daydreaming.  Now, daydreaming doesn't make you happy, and yet we're spending half of our lives awake doing it. So you can understand how it's compounding this whole idea of how I'm unhappy, I don't like where I'm at, I don't feel like I'm achieving, I don't feel that I have meaning or purpose. And if you really wanna get depressed, think about if on top of the 50% of daydreaming, the amount of time spent on junk food entertainment and just passively consuming content. Yeah. Well. But getting anything out of it. Anywhere you go, whether it's your device, whether it's the car, whether it's your computer, you're gonna have a steady stream of entertainment to put you in that daydreaming mindset, which is not creating happiness. So as we started the show, looking at happiness is not about just that pleasure, and certainly it's not about vices, because you can't do that for the rest of your life. Understanding that when we have greater purpose and meaning and dedication, we start to move towards that joy gradient, and all of a sudden we're creating happiness throughout our lives. We also focused on understanding when you are in the pursuit of excellence, trying to be a better you, better than yesterday, we can start working towards that happiness, as well as when we ask why, why, why, why, to find that greater purpose in anything we're doing, we can unlock happiness in our life. It's a great question. And lastly, when we have task focused attention, understanding that we're present, we are mindful, we are not thinking about future anxieties, we are not living in our past, we're not eating that junk food entertainment, whether it's video games or even this podcast, we can start to find happiness in our lives. And we covered a lot today, Johnny. Certainly have. We covered how happiness is not the same as pleasure, and it's not the same as comfort, which is big. Pleasure and comfort are only a small part of it. Meaning and fulfillment play a much more important part, that's where we wanna put our focus, and hopefully we allowed you to add some meaning to your life, even if you're not happy in your current role, even if you're not happy in your current job. Asking the right questions can start to develop that meaning that we're looking for and put us on the way to happiness. Now, we have a question for you, our audience. What is your purpose in life?  Let us know. We're always excited to hear from you. You can email us at questions at theartofcharm.com. You can also submit audio questions now, theartofcharm.com slash questions. You can also hit us up on social media, Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. As always, we'd love a review on iTunes or wherever you're listening to this podcast. Look it up The Art of Charm and drop us a line. Let us know how you dug 2018. We are excited to kick off 2019. We will see you next week. See you guys.