see wherever he's going, we want to go. Okay. Hello, everyone. This is what the app is going on in Latin America, CodePink's weekly 20 minutes of hot news from Latin America. This is basically our brown bag lunch, 20 minutes of news at 12 p.m. Eastern every Wednesday. Today, we are joined live from La Paz, with CodePink co-founder Medea Benjamin. And so we're also, we have our entire Latin America team joining you today as well, Michelle Elner and Leonardo Flores and myself and Medea. So this afternoon, we will listen to some witnessing from Medea, particularly on the tests that have occurred in La Paz over the last two days. And then we'll take your audience's questions and have a more in-depth conversation with all of you. So hi, Medea. Hello. Good to be on with you, although it's just so sad being here and seeing what's going on. But I'm glad we have a chance to let people know and thank you for doing this. So why don't you give us a little background as to how you got to La Paz? You were invited to come by activists and share a little bit about what you've been witnessing because we are not seeing much in the mainstream media except for U.S. State Department narrative. Well, we were asked to come here by groups precisely because as soon as the coup happened, the coup makers took over the media here and the media is pure propaganda. So they need international people to come down to tell the world what's really happening here. Incredible censorship. And so we have been going around with different groups, particularly a wonderful Indigenous women's collective. And we've been helping to document the marches, the murders, the community efforts to oppose this coup, as well as to give financial support. We're helping them with getting coffins today for the people who died. These are very, very poor people. We're helping them in their efforts to contact the people in La Paz because we're up in a city called El Alto. It's a million people, mostly Indigenous, but it's now the part where the gas plant is. And these people for now the last 10 days have been doing 24-hour vigil to keep the plant closed as part of their efforts to put tremendous pressure on this entire capital city, not letting gasoline for cooking or gas for cars to come down to the city. It's incredible. I can't describe to you every block. I'm in a hearse right now going to the place where people were killed yesterday. Every block is closed off. People have to jump out of this car to move the barricades because the people in this part of El Alto have said no to the coup and they won't let any gasoline come down. Except yesterday when the military came in in full force, shot at people after large amounts of tear gas and they managed to get out about 50 different tanks worth of gasoline. But the people are right back today even though there was so much repression yesterday barricading this place. Every single street is blocked. There are no cars getting by. The people are helping us get by because we're in a hearse carrying a coffin that's going for one of the people who was killed yesterday. So I don't know if that's, if you can understand what I'm talking about, maybe you could ask me about it if it's not clear. Well, so the streets are being blocked by the appointed government? The pro-Avo people are blocking the plant and blocking the streets and they're saying with this coup government that is so opposed to the indigenous people that has already committed murders in Cochabamba, we are not going to allow this country to function. And so they've created shortages of gasoline, of cooking fuel, of products. There are huge long lines for chicken for eggs. They're not letting things into the city. And this is an effort by thousands of indigenous people to say no to the coup. It's quite remarkable. A level of organization that you just don't see anywhere else because these communities speak to each other and are organized by community of indigenous groups. So it's a level of organizing we could only dream of seeing here in the United States right now. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Not sure what is going to take. In a level of solidarity you could only dream of. Yeah. Every business, you know, that people are contributing, bringing food and water for the families and the church. They're contributing by putting up signs all over. They're organizing a big, big march today down into the city. And they're saying we won't negotiate with this new government because they are murderers. We want them out. So the indigenous population is the majority population within the country of Bolivia. And El Alto is, is what percent, almost 90% indigenous or almost 100% indigenous in that community. Yeah. It's the largest indigenous city in Latin America. And so yesterday, I guess I should let the audience know that Medea has been live streaming throughout the day, every day that she has been in Bolivia. And one of the things that I caught yesterday, Medea, was you talking with some of the people in line waiting to buy chicken. And it was a very interesting conversation you had with several people. There were people who were pro Morales government and there were a few who were not. And maybe you could share with us the different opinions that you're hearing and why people have the differences. Well, first, let me say that they had 13 good years with Eva Morales, whether or not you were indigenous. This economy was doing great. And people's lives were improving. But the idea that the indigenous community was gaining power was too much for the white highland, the white Santa Cruz people who are the ones who are the elite. And they never liked having an indigenous president. And they never wanted to see indigenous people in control. And so they have been, you know, trying to organize a coup against Eva Morales for some time now. And now that this coup has happened and the indigenous community, not only the indigenous community workers, all kinds of people, whether or not they were pro Eva Morales, they're now seeing how awful this right wing fascist government is, and they're organizing protests. So when you see on the chicken line, you'll see people who now are blaming the scarcity on the protesters. They're blaming it on Eva Morales people and this party called the last party. But there are other people who are just coping with the shortages and recognizing it's what they have to do in order to get rid of the coup. So it's an extremely divided society, extremely dangerous. The level of hatred, the indigenous people are feeling so under attack, and they are getting angrier and angrier. And I only see more death and misery in the short term, and hopefully a reversal of this in the medium term. So you mentioned a reversal of this. How how is that possible at this point? What sort of are there governmental mechanisms that could do that? Is it going to be people power from the streets that do it? Is it the return of Eva Morales or a confluence of activities that will make that possible? Well, right now, the people on Eva Morales is party. Some of them agree to negotiate. Some of them don't want to negotiate. Some of the the indigenous people are saying no to negotiations. So there are different positions that are happening right now. But the pressure that the the indigenous communities putting on the government is intense. And the shortages are intense. And they're going to have to negotiate. But she the the so-called president is supposed to announce today what her plan is for elections. And we will see how the people react to that. They are saying they want Eva Morales to come back, whether or not he participates as a candidate in election is another issue. But they feel that he should have the right to come back here while the government is threatening that they would arrest him minutes that he came back. So right now, the positions are extremely diametrical. And we don't yet see the way out. But hopefully there will be more negotiations and international community getting involved because otherwise this could descend into a civil war. Well, it seems from here, watching from what's happening from Washington, D.C., we saw Eva Morales resign on Sunday, November 10. And I know in Leonardo Michel, please join in here because I know the three of us have talked about this as well, that we were all pretty shocked, disappointed to see him resign and have since had conversations that it and himself as well, particularly from his press conference now that he's has sought asylum in Mexico, that he was basically saving his people by resigning. And it appears that that it was a very honorable move on his part, and that perhaps what we would have seen on the 10th was an immediate explosion into civil war. And now we're watching perhaps a slow simmer into civil war. How do I mean, would you concur with that? Or what is your sense? Yeah, when I heard that he resigned and then other top leaders of the master resigned, you know, I was very disappointed. And I said, and thinking it was not a good thing. And then I came here and I realized that people in the party were being literally held hostage. We met a union leader whose wife and daughter were being held hostage. Their home was burned down. This was the kind of pressure that was being put on Eva Morales and the other top leaders, that if they didn't resign and they didn't leave, that there would be more of this. And so yes, they were doing it to save other people and save their family members. So tremendous duress that they resigned under and more on sister's house was burned down. So, you know, this is a temporary move that they made while they gathered their strength. And now the force of the pro Aval, you know, it's difficult to even call them for Aval forces, because you don't hear in these markets, chance that are about Aval, it's now chance about get rid of the coup government. That's the main thing. And that's bringing together people who are pro Aval and people who had opposition to Aval as well. Recognizing that what's come to power is so negative, so racist, so destructive that they have to get together. But the chance are more about getting rid of the so-called president, getting the military back in their barracks, getting doing the way with this decree that said that the military could commit abuses and not be held responsible for it. Having the prisoners released, those are the main demands that we're hearing on these marches. So I just have to tell you to say, I wish you could see what we're what's happening right now as we are passing through blockade and blockade. And the people are coming out to open up the road for this hearse. It is quite remarkable. There are just hundreds and hundreds of people along the path towards the plant, the gas plant. And this is just an incredible show of people power, how they've taken over the main roads, and they will decide who gets through and who doesn't get through. Wow. We can go back to the other issue. I just wanted to know that this is just remarkable what we're seeing right now. We're so pleased to have you on the phone to be sharing this because these are not these are not scenes or visions that we are seeing or hearing about in the media here in the state. So no, it's wonderful to have you painting this picture for us. And I should just remind the audience that you can follow Medea on your own Facebook on her Facebook page and see her live streaming. She's got quite a catalog of video at this point since Saturday and more to come. So there's some live reporting that you all can see of these various incidences that she's been describing with all of you this afternoon. One thing I wanted to talk about was you clearly mentioned people calling this a coup government. And here in the states it's been very slow the narrative to develop the language into coup. Leonardo and Michelle and I spent yesterday on the hill lobbying members of the congressional progressive caucus. And the three of us can share with the audience listening we were was pretty astounding how few progressive caucus members have actually made statements against what is happening in Bolivia. And so there's a few reliable ones that have tweeted already and our Hank Johnson I will share with all of you is circulating a letter in Congress specifically directed towards violence against the indigenous community. But what will it take Medea for us to change this narrative here in the states for people to understand that it was a coup. No no one was shot. No the tanks didn't run able Morales out but there was definitely a resignation under duress forced by the military. What will it take? Well I think that I think that as time goes by we're learning more and more how this was premeditated and we'll find out more of the details about who in the region and the US helped with this because you just can't imagine in one week of taking over how they transform this country and they had to have it ready. They had they've taken over all of the ministries. They've changed the ambassadors. They have changed the relations with other countries. They have put in place new laws. They have taken over the communications, the television, the radio, the press. I mean you just can't do that without having off the top before and have things in place. So I hope more and more information will come out about how this happened, who was behind it, and that it's important to say that there were many leaders of the opposition who said before the election that there was going to be fraud, who said before the election that they weren't going to believe the results. And so this is a premeditated coup and we'll just have to keep getting out information that shows who planned it, how it was planned, but most important now is for people to realize that there is a fascist right-wing racist government in power that is destroying this country. So that's all very powerful. I know there's one thing I wonder if you could comment because to me it was so shocking to see the self-proclaimed president inaugurate herself on a on a bible and a big oversized bible.  Yes, exactly, a prop. And you know for those of us who are from Latin America and have been activists in Latin America for any length of time, we all know and understand the history of Christianity and its influence for the past 500 years in this hemisphere, particularly Latin America and the Caribbean. And can you just address that a bit to see this the the reemergence of Christianity and in conjunction with the extermination of indigenous people? It's a fact. I mean there are indigenous people who are who are Christian, but what we have now in power are fanatic evangelicals and we see them watching down the streets talking about peace, peace, we want peace of course. They're not talking about peace, they're talking about a takeover and they are using the bible as a prop to say that they want to take down the the indigenous flag that we follow and that the bible is now back in inside the presidential palace that the the god is is or has ordained them to make this coup and so they are using religion as a front for this right-wing takeover and we see these evangelicals all over the streets of La Paz and they are so happy with this new government power, but really religion is the one of the justifications they're using and we're we've just arrived in Sencata where the people were shot yesterday it's still full of the military and you know I would get off now and join the people but the and and you can continue on with your wonderful other guests there but I just want to say I'm looking right now at the distributor of oil and gas here called Sencata that is being guarded by military fully armed military tanks and this is one of those pictures that you see maybe historically where the military is taken over oil facilities and guarding it and where people's blood has been shed so that gasoline could go down to the richer people in La Paz and so and while the press here the Bolivian press has said that the people that were the ones who were and the violent ones that they dynamited the walls to the plant none of that is true we're seeing it ourselves and we'll send back more live stream so thank you for having me on and I look forward to more discussions about what's happening here and hearing from you all there what we can do to get our elected officials to not only call this a coup but to demand a reversal of this so thanks so much for having me on thank you so much for being there and thank you for joining us this afternoon okay so Leonardo and Michelle is there anything you would like to add to the conversation Leonardo you've been doing a lot of lobbying regarding Bolivian Americans here and what they're starting to suffer as a result of the coup maybe we could take a minute to address that oh there we go sorry I had a technical issue there no that's okay that's all right so I was just asking you know you have been working with the Bolivian American community here in Washington DC and I wonder if you could just let our audience know some of the issues that are happening here among that population as a result of the coup on November 10th right well unfortunately that a lot of the Bolivian population was organizing the best organized folks were in the opposition prior to this coup or at least prior to Abo's resignation but now after you know seeing everything that's been happening over the last week and half I'm very happy to say that there's a good group of folks that are organizing against the coup in particular because we've seen like Medea mentioned so many disgusting acts of racism and of white supremacy and of these fanatical Christian evangelical evangelicals in Bolivia and so especially with the burning and the taking down of the Wipala flag so these folks are organizing now in DC and you know if you're in another city if you're Bolivian American it would really really help if you could call your representative and tell them to denounce this as a coup because yesterday as Terry was saying we went into about 10 offices and the message we heard over and over again was that yeah talking to Bolivian Americans is great but it's much more effective if it comes from people in their districts so is there anything else that we we should add to the conversation I mean we were so fortunate to have Medea join us live from the ground are there any questions from the audience or any any closing comments that Leonardo and Michelle you would like to make you know we try to keep this as 20 minutes of hot news every Wednesday and we're running close to 30 minutes which is great but is there anything that we should add or ask our audience to do at this point I will one thing I will add before we sign off is that we at Code Pink are building a Bolivia news page and we're on our website codepink.org we'll have a page dedicated to all of Medea's videos that she's made while in Bolivia you will also find links to our webinars and radio shows that have been about Bolivia and so it will be one media source that you can all go to codepink.org slash Bolivia is where you'll be able to find all of that news on one page at your fingertips I will also let all of you know that tomorrow Medea will be calling in to Code Pink radio for an hour-long conversation that will be 11 a.m. Eastern time tomorrow on WBAI from New York City simulcasting from WPFW in Washington DC well also once we have the archive we'll also put that on our the Code Pink Bolivia news page so I don't see any additional questions so any closing comments from Michelle Leonardo before we sign off and see you again next week. No I think we just have to keep spreading the message and sharing all these videos not just from Medea's videos but other intrepid journalists that are on the ground in Bolivia document to these disgusting massacres and these massive violations of human rights. So okay everyone thank you so much for joining us for what the F is going on in Latin America every Wednesday 12 p.m. Eastern 20 minutes of hot news live from the ground and thank you Leonardo and Michelle as well and we'll talk to all of you next week and please remember Code Pink radio 11 a.m. Eastern tomorrow WPAI New York WPFW Washington DC thank you so much


You ask, we answer. Welcome to Can This Marriage Be Saved where we go up against common relationship problems and help you determine if this relationship should stay or go. Tonight you're here with Rivka and Shlomo Slacken and we're talking about the topic of what if your spouse does not want to work on your marriage and what can you do about it? Shlomo, I'd love for you to speak in by talking with us about what people can do if their spouse really doesn't want to go to counseling or doesn't want to work on their marriage doesn't want doesn't want to read about it really just kind of refuses everything You're asking them to do to improve your relationship Well, there's plenty that you can do There's usually a dragger in a drag and a drag E meaning one person who is Gung-ho about getting help and one person who would rather not so that's normal Even if they're not going to come into the counseling Office and work on the relationship. There are things that you can do At home to be able to work on it together or even work out on it yourself Which will have a ripple effect on your relationship great Well, I'd love to know what those are but before we go into those I want to know more like should I know a lot of people wonder should they get maybe a third party involved to kind of Pressure their spouse to you know to go with them to work on their marriage Let's say counseling or something like that You know, I would say half the calls I get it from people who won't help but don't have a willing spouse So there's always a question of you know, they always ask me. So how do you know, how do we get them in to the room? So a few of the things I generally say is pressure is usually not a good idea Because the more pressure the more they're going to resist So you want to make it safe a lot of people have an image of counseling as being something That's very negative. They're concerned that the counselor is going to take sides and That of course if you're the one who's being forced to counseling that you may be concerned that you're going to be the one Who's going to be blamed so obviously that none of that should be happening in in therapy in good therapy But there's still that fear because there's there's plenty of that going on unfortunately So one of the things you want to do is make it safe for them So if you do want to broach the topic instead of implying that they're doing something wrong and making them feel unsafe And like it's their fault Take responsibility You can tell them, you know, I know I'm not easy to live with. I don't think anyone's really easy to live with So it's not this is not false I know I'm not easy to live with and I really like to be a better spouse to you And I really could use your help to work together and to be able to do that And that's one way that you can approach your spouse and try to get them in the room To come to counseling because you're not putting pressure on them. You're taking responsibility You could even say some of the issues that you have To your spouse and say, you know, these are some of the things I want to work on But I really need your help to work on them with me. Now sometimes that does work But many times it doesn't so the question is should you bring somebody else in the in the picture and you know in In general, it's usually not the best idea because you don't want to feel your spouse to feel pressure They usually backfires usually don't wind up going anyway You know unless there's somebody that really has a strong influence on them that would help them go But they ultimately they want you would want them to go willingly because if they go forced They're going to resent it and they're not going to be present and and really doing the work that needs to be done in therapy I guess these techniques would apply to even like If you wanted your spouse to maybe read a book Do you think these same type of things would apply not only asking them to go to counseling with you But really just kind of like doing anything even, you know sitting down with you and having a conversation I know a lot of women just kind of want to sit down with their spouse and kind of have Have a conversation about how their marriage and the direction it's going in. What do you think about that? Well, it should always ask if it's a good time and and not make sure make sure you get your spouse at a good time when they're available and And not to pressure them about it because they may feel nagged and they may feel pressure They may feel that you're going to criticize them and pick on them and then make it defensive So you have to exercise caution when you try to approach the topic Also, I know a lot of people don't want to talk, right? I mean, there's a whole book that I know you recommend to people called How to improve your marriage without talking about it I can just see like, you know, the wife kind of saying to her husband We need to talk and him just completely shutting down Right. So a lot of men first of all a lot of men don't like to talk They don't like to talk about issues or talk about anything. So trying to get them into therapy is kind of a You know a lose-lose situation Not all the time, but some of the time And also men don't usually like therapy men Don't like to talk about their feelings. It's hard for them for most men and they You know, it's not something that they feel good at or successful at and they really don't want to be put in a situation Where they're gonna feel worse about themselves. They probably already feel bad about themselves that they're not making you happy so then to go into therapy and to You know, you're gonna the the wife is often the one who's you know, better expressing herself and better Sharing her feelings and there's another way for the man to feel bad about himself I Will say that I've seen plenty of men who've been very successful in couples work together and have done a great job Learning how to open up and there are men that are that are that do open up and express their feelings But in the cases where where they don't and where there might be not interested in working on a relationship It's something to bear in mind and think about I've had I had a couple I had a wife call me once It's funny. Her husband was actually You know, he's a clergyman and he actually Helps other couples which is about he himself would refuse to get help on their relationship So I talked to them about different things I talked to her about things that she could do How she could be encouraged him to come and she said there's no way he's going to come You know, it's a he's ashamed it would be a shame to come to think there's something wrong with him and his in the relationship So I recommend them reading in this book called how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Pat Love and Steve Stosny and She called me back and said, you know, our marriage did a 180 without him doing anything He saw the book lying around but she read the book She took to heart what was written in there and did what she could from the woman's perspective And it made a huge difference in the relationship So, you know, if you find yourself in that in that situation, that's definitely a valuable resource and We've also seen people have been very successful even using using our marriage mastery program working on the relationship by themselves and by working on themselves making a difference because Well, the best way to work on a relationship is together When you're kind of wait when you're not able to work on it together if one person can change it does have a ripple effect But I guess that leads me to my next question Which is if your spouse refuses to get help should you go and get help for yourself separately on your own? Right. So in terms of individual therapy, so some people ask me they want me to actually work with them and I won't do that because I only work with a couple and One of the reasons is that if I'm working with one part of the couple and then Their spouse does want to come in eventually. It's already a you know, the playing field is not level It already looks like I'm aligned with the spouse that I met with so I don't do that But in terms of encouraging people to go to individual therapy So it really depends if you can find an individual therapist who can help you work on your own issues Then that's great if you find an individual therapist who kind of eggs you along and kind of I mean Obviously you want someone who can validate your feelings and your pain But you also want someone who can help you take responsibility and not blame your spouse if individual therapy is just an opportunity to preach the choir and have someone kind of Validate how bad your spouse is then it is not helpful. It is actually harmful a lot of a lot of couples are in situations where the one spouse goes to an individual therapist and Because the spouse doesn't want to come in for a couple's counseling and then the individual therapist Can kind of egg egg the person the spouse on and encourage them to to even leave their relationship because you know Your husband or your wife isn't willing to come to therapy and they're hearing all these horrible stories about their relationship So they can sometimes you know irresponsibly Direct you in in the wrong direction So you want to make sure that you find you know research and make sure that individual therapist is someone that's really going to Be there to help you understand yourself better and what's bothering you about this and take ownership for your feelings as opposed to Encouraging you to blame your spouse for your problems And I guess for those of you that are currently seeing an individual therapist These are some good, you know warning signs like if you do find yourself coming home and kind of second-guessing your spouse Maybe getting more angry at your spouse That's a sign that that individual therapist is is really creating doubt Which is probably the worst thing for your marriage, right? What do you say? Yeah, like if yeah, it's it's definitely Because you're trying you know here you are you you hope you at least your intention is to keep the relationship together And to work on the marriage so even if you don't have a willing spouse so having someone Give you ideas to make you you know Doubt your spouse is Definitely not going to be helpful for healing the relationship And I guess the answer to my next question would be probably not but I know some people think about this they think You know should they separate and kind of work on themselves separately is it I guess this piggyback's on the previous question Do you see any benefit to doing that? Well, the best again the best thing is to work together I can't tell you how many times I hear even Couples will call me beforehand and I speaking to them and I hear their stories and Sometimes I just you know, I want to hear one side of the story I you know, I can't believe what what it's going to look like when I see them together And I'll tell you every single time when I see them together. It's much I would say it's much easier and simpler than than I would have thought if I just bought into the individual story that they told me so Working on it together. It's just you can't compare it to working on it by yourself Or so if you could work on it together, that's much better if you don't want to work on together in terms of separating You know sometimes people need space you have to figure out your situation if you have children just separating is not necessarily going to be The best thing to do it's would be very difficult for them and confusing for them So that that is something to bear in mind and sometimes Once you separate then it just makes it much easier to Permanently sabotage and get divorced So separation is is not always the best way to deal in with things. It sounds like it's kind of a slippery slope It's it potentially can be it doesn't always have to be but it potentially can be and Okay, so again very similar question but if you feel like your spouse is holding you back like you're really interested in kind of personal growth and self-help and Maybe you feel like your spouse isn't so maybe you're starting to think like oh, he's holding me back or she's holding me back from my Dreams, what are those feelings about what's really going on underneath the surface? Well, I think this is quite common. We wrote an article about it once About how self-enlightenment can destroy your relationship Ultimately the most self-enlightened and self-growth person is someone who can have compassion for another As long as someone's not you're not being really, you know, hurt by the person or obviously you're probably being hurt emotionally or your relationship hurts but If you're not in physical danger and this person and you just have a lousy relationship and You're the one who wants to work on yourself If you really worked on yourself You have been able to develop compassion for your spouse. I find a lot of people who do self-growth work They get so wrapped up in their self-growth work that they They started judging their spouse they're not able to have that compassion. They think their spouse should be like them this is a lot of Although the growth work is great if it's going to take you away from your relationship and give you a almost like a holier than thou you know sanctimonious attitude then You know, it's definitely not it's not a good thing. So you want to start examining, you know What is this work doing? Is this making me becoming a more compassionate and understanding person? Or is it just making me kind of wrapped up in myself if you're wrapped up in yourself then it's not really healthy growth That's a very interesting idea and I'd love to maybe Go back to that article and share it with our listeners for those of you that are interested If you'd like to, you know, have it Sent to you. We'd love to send it to you You can email us at info at the marriage restoration Project calm. I think that's a very important article. Don't you think so? Yeah, I mean when I remember when we wrote it, it was just There's something we felt very strongly about because I saw a lot of people who They're coming from maybe it's a 12, you know, it's a 12 step group or Or a personal growth weekend and they're all excited to share the growth and they start feeling like they're, you know Better than their spouse and here I'm enlightened person and and you're not and you know, if you're enlightened then That enlightened people if truly enlightened people Have love for everyone and have compassion for everyone.  I think that's the beauty of what you do with a moggo therapy, which is See, I guess how would you explain it? It's really like This whole theme is you know working on yourself separately or together You really only work with people together because you really see that the ultimate way to heal is to be in Relationship so separating to work on yourself separately would be completely counterproductive, right? if there's no other option, yeah, and And also it allows you to have compassion for the other person Which is the ultimate in self-growth to really be able to Hear your spouse to realize that your spouse is and other your spouse is different than you and that you can appreciate their differences They don't have to be like you you can have compassion for them and you can compassion for their faults Instead of judging them and feeling threatened. I Remember when we first went to an a moggo therapist I remember how hard it was for me to sit there and to listen to what you had to say and to mirror it back without Interjecting my own story like really calming myself long enough to sit there and kind of like Accept you and listen to you was probably like one of the hardest things I've ever done I thought I was completely like unable to listen. I couldn't believe it You did a great job I'm still here today But that's where the transformation that's where the transformation happens and that's why I love doing what I do because I Really can see that couples transform It's not just they're learning and technique and how to communicate better, but it really transforms the relationship It transforms the way that we look at each other. You know, I never I don't feel like I fully understood what it was like It meant to listen even though you always said I was a good listener I definitely didn't think I was knew what it was like to listen so I did this process and Just to be able to put my defenses aside and really, you know Cross that bridge and even though it was scary in the beginning That to really just be there in your world and when I was able to do that I think it's completely transformed how we related to each other in our relationship. I think so too It was definitely very healing for me So I do want to address a few other things so you were mentioning before about you know What else can you do on your own and how can working on yourself? Make a difference in your relationship and we talk a lot about this on the marriage mastery program We talk about know what you can do on your own how you can be emotionally mature How you can take ownership for your feelings There's so many things that we do that are counterproductive to the relationship criticizing our spouse Negativity if we can work on it from our end then we create safety. This is something we talk about time and time again, but When there's safety in a relationship, both people can show up when the relationship is not safe Then we spend our energy protecting ourselves putting up our defenses. So if one of us Stops what we're doing that's creating the lack of safety in the relationship then that can draw our partner back in So if you alone can work on making the relationship more safe by removing the verbal venom by stop criticizing by stop blaming and shaming By noticing what you might do to trigger your spouse by having more compassion for your spouse by asking what you need instead of criticizing by taking ownership for your feelings What using I statements and we talk a lot about this in the step three? Detox your marriage the more that you can do that You will see a change. You'll see your spouse starts a you know loosen up and You know even in relationships where we talk about this actually in the beginning of the book in it and the introduction about How it's possible that we had the example of the one spouse was more rigid and the others and The more that the rigid spouse kind of let go of their of their fear They were able to allow the other spouse to step in and fulfill Their role and really take ownership in their relationship. So you can bring each other back in if you're not acting in a in a reactive way and if fear fear-based way if you really can be more intentional and be more conscious and Create more safety in their relationship You will start seeing that your spouse is going to see a new person Even if you think they're the one to blame There's never one person to blame in a relationship. It takes two to tango both of you contribute to the relationship mess but there's a dynamic there and Even though the best way and the quickest ways for both of you to work on it together Even if one of you can take ownership for your side in your role that you play you will see a chain of reaction And are you basically saying if you change the way you talk? Then your marriage is going to change kind of on its own even with your spouse being aware that Your improve that they're improving the marriage with you. Sure. So let's say for example you if you constantly Criticize your spouse and you nag your spouse and do this and this and I don't like when you do this and complaining all the time So it could be that your spouse just checked out. They don't want to hear anymore. It's enough. It's annoying so once you stop doing that then You know, they don't want to be in relationship once you stop doing that then you make it safe for them to come back in you're not pushing them away and I'm not saying they're not doing things that are that are bothering you or that you know you deserve that You deserve that they should make certain changes For the relationship their needs that you have that aren't being met. That's definitely fine But you know, how are you getting that message across if you're pushing them away?  We can you know, the words just kind of go through We don't even want to hear them So they have no impact and then you know the relationship just You're left upset because you're not getting what you need and your spouse is unhappy and just you know Not interested your child I think this is an important topic of what to do if your spouse doesn't want to work on your marriage with you because I think You basically made it simpler than it Then it sounds like I think what you talked about today Shalamo is that it's much easier than You might think to work on your marriage alone and to see significant improvements. Is that correct? Exactly I think it sounds overwhelming and scary if your partner doesn't want to work on it with you And it might seem like all is lost but tonight. I think what we've realized is it's really actually pretty simple Yeah, I mean it takes it takes effort. It's it takes effort changing yourself. It's no one says it's easy to change To change your patterns and to really be introspective and to be honest with yourself But if you do that and you want the relationship to succeed if you do that then you can bring your spouse in and you can Get them on board and you'll see changes and you'll see happy relationship. We've seen that time and time again That's great news. Thank you very much For more information about marriage mastery and how it can help you visit the marriage restoration project.com forward slash marriage dash mastery dash presentation and we look forward to Giving you another great episode here at you ask We answer can this marriage be saved? Have a great night. Good night We hope you've enjoyed listening to today's topic We'll be back again to focus on another topic that is sure to help you with your marriage for any questions or concerns Please email us at info at the marriage restoration project com with best wishes for your relationship success


Hey everybody, Matt here for Layton Sports Cards Ripping in 2022. Padini Prism FIFA World Cup Soccer first off the line. This is for Frankie G. Good luck, Frankie. Those breakaway boxes, those are kind of nasty. I thought it was going to be a disco. It's a pulsar, which is a lot better in my opinion. Yeah, I got it, I think so. And to like get a chance to hit the World Cup colored for like that price is kind of nice. It's two number pair loss per box. Yeah. This is Nahuel Molina, Nahuel Molina, Rookie Blue, Argentina. It's like a Bowman name. It's $2.99. I'm probably a better ping pong player than I am baseball player. Really? I'm going to start more trash talking to Sean. You noticed he didn't say anything about air hockey because I was smoking everybody. Dave and Buster's. Japan. Crickets bigger than the NBA. I don't know. My knee jerk reaction is to disagree, but I don't know. There's a redemption. We have any big redemptions in Prism World Cup? Could be a duel. This is international ink Prism's blue shimmer, Lucas Padolski. Pretty solid. That's a German hit, right? There you go, Frankie. It's Tanaka Rookie Red. This is the first one. Yeah, sweet. It's Romelu Lukaku. Well, we'll reach silver. I should have had force jumping into this one. Or at least stand over me and he and Blake could both do voiceovers. Just say the words. Yeah, I'll just move my mouth. Milan Borjon. Rookie Hyper. Team Canada. There's Messi, global reach. Messi to Miami. He's going to come play for Orlando. German goal. That's actually a big rootier. I didn't mark him. There's Jeremy Pino. Rookie Silver. Spain. This is nice at his cracked eyes. Killian Mbappe. That is not numbered. Awesome looking card though. Nice. Oh, here we go. Is he off? Yes. Yes, he is. Barely though. Barely. They're going to call that back. Oh, no, they checked. Yeah, they just got off. Oh, wow. This is Adam Buxa. Buxa. Blue for Poland. That is the 199. Gutierrez. There's Matthew Ryan. Silver. Canada. It just popped hearted on there. That is Debrille. So. Hyper. Let's see something. Okay, but what do the top? We probably watch soccer the same. The top cricketers make. Top cricketer in the world. What's he like? He or she? Cricketer sounds cool. Eddinson Cavani. International Pride. Is it like? Cavani's a case hit. It's a mag. Oh, it's a case hit? Yeah. Well, here, let me backtrack. There you go. Sorry about that. I didn't know he was still playing in this World Cup. It's got to be his last one, right?  And that is Montessar Talbi. Rookie Silver. Tunisia. Oh yeah, the Blue Shimmer parallel. Sosa and Blue Shimmer. That is Rookie Albert Sambi Lokanga. From Belgium. Pretty sick. Solid. Good to get a rookie. Yeah. One behind it too. What? Huh? Blue Shimmer. That is Kalor Navas. Oh, this is five of five. Yeah. Blue Shimmers are five. That was the first half of the line. Damn. Usually you only get one. You only get one. Yeah. That was an air pack. That's crazy. Kalor Navas. That is to 75. Oh, I'm sorry. That's a Blue Mojo. Oh, okay. I was like, what? I was like, no way. Got the Panini went psych. She got him a Konga Blue Shimmer. It's Olivia. It's the first one, man. Yeah. Olivia Agerode. Scores Chloe Silver. Yeah. At least the first one was the Shimmer, you know? You tow it. This is Collins Phi. Rookie Purple from Cameroon. Pink or purple? I'm yelling. All right. That'll do it for your box, Frankie. Thank you for the purchase. Appreciate it. We'll get these shipped right out to you.