MP, MP, MP, MP. MP, MP, MP, MP. We ought to keep on talking, march and help the freedom. Well, I've joined the march. Some of these people have marched incredibly for a thousand miles. Because what they are saying very loudly and clearly that it is an outrage, among many other things, that we have Republican governors, Republican legislatures who are working overtime to make it harder for people to vote in the United States of America. Our job is to make it easy. Our job is to try to increase voter turnout. And these Republican governors are afraid, are afraid, when people get into the ballot box and they don't want them to vote, we're gonna change that.


The TP53 tumor suppressor gene is one of the most frequently altered genes in cancer and is known to play a crucial role in regulating cell growth, death and DNA repair. It is also involved in many other processes such as metabolism, autophagy and the tumor micro environment. Mutations in this gene are often found in cancer cells, leading to the loss of its tumor suppressor activity and the acquisition of oncogenic properties. Despite these findings, there has been limited success in developing effective treatment against cancer based on targeting the P53 protein or its downstream targets. This review summarizes the current understanding of the diverse molecular mechanisms of the P53 signaling pathway and how TP53 mutations affect tumor progression. Additionally, it discusses the challenges faced in clinical development of P53 targeted therapies.


Hello everyone, welcome back to another Adobe After Effects 2023 tutorial. I'm going to show you how to render a video with a transparent background. Let's just start from scratch. Composition, create a composition, black background. Doesn't matter, we're going to show you all the steps here. First step, click on Finder, drag and drop in a PNG. I use PNGs, you can use TIPS and other things. I basically want an image or a video with a transparent background. I'm just going to put that on now. I'm going to put that on the timeline and there you go. We got Nicholas Cage looking all scary and crazy as he does.  That tells you that we have a transparent background when you see the white and gray checkers so to speak. Now all you need to do is you want to just, well let's just animate him, why not? We're just going to hit the P button and I'm going to animate his position just so you can see it and I'll just move it two seconds to the right here. Okay good, so we've got a two second animation. Now file, export, go to render queue or add to render queue. And when you do that you'll see a few options. The one you want is under high quality. Click on that little down arrow and then you're going to see one that says high quality with alpha or lossless with alpha. That's it. You can select either one of those. I'll go high quality with alpha and then just hit render and then it renders it and it has a transparent background. That's all there is to it. Thanks for watching.


Practically everything we know is taught to us for a specific reason. The people who instruct us over our lives are many and various. You get knowledge about the world from a huge number of sources over a lifetime, early in your life in particular, children are sponges and we pick up information from everywhere.  This is Liberty Chronicles, a project of Libertarianism.org. I'm Anthony Comegna. Today we're really going to talk about that process of infiltration. What this means. The fact that practically everything that we're taught as a matter of course in school, as a matter of building our knowledge about the world, practically everything that we're taught is planted in our minds for a very particular reason and it serves individual purposes. Now our knowledge about the past is particularly important. This is a history show and for our purposes we're really going to focus on that world of the past. We're going to figure out what happened in the past, who did what to whom, what it means for us in the present and for us moving forward in the future. That knowledge that we accumulate about the world before the present moment essentially, which is the broad scope of history, it's everything that's happened before the present moment. That's a huge wealth of information to draw upon, to learn about what the state of our existence is and how we can manipulate it to better suit our purposes. History is also interesting I think because not only does it inform us so much in so many ways about the world as we know it but it really suggests alternatives to us as well. We know that the world did not have to turn out the way that it did. It could have turned out any number of different ways. I don't want to get too much into physics but as I understand it some people actually think that there are alternative universes where every decision somebody makes essentially creates an alternative history. Maybe we can't do the experimental physics here on the show, I'm certainly not equipped for that but we can talk about the alternatives that real actors in history presented their world and then those alternatives whether they are social worldviews, political philosophies or cultural contributions, these kinds of things are often forcibly submerged or not pursued for particular reasons and those are the kinds of things that we need to uncover when we're thinking about the past for a variety of reasons. What we want to do here is take this idea that our knowledge about the past really really seriously shapes our understanding of the present perhaps and probably I think the most significant factor in establishing what we think should be done with our own world. It's our knowledge of the past. That's a point I've heard plenty of people comment on just about human nature that it seems as though we form our opinions of the present based almost entirely on our knowledge of the past. We are sort of imitative creatures in that sense. Few of our thoughts or actions are truly independent new creations. They're usually based on something, you know, modeling something that we've already seen in the past. We want to take this idea that the past is incredibly important to understanding the present of the future and really interrogate what that means for us as consumers of historical knowledge. Well, once again, what we know about history generally gets taught to us by individuals or by institutions. So what we want to do is figure out, well, why do those individuals who are teaching you history in high school and, you know, on television and so on, why do they want you to know what they're teaching you? Seems like an important question, but it's also not something that we ask very often. Aristotle once said that the most important question you can basically ever ask about something is why it happened. And yet it's a question that so often goes overlooked. Why do we know what we know about the past? Well, I'm going to pause it as a working hypothesis here that I'm sure most people can sympathize with. The reason we know what we know about the past is that that narrative that we're all taught in school, whatever form it might have taken specifically for you, that general narrative is selected on some sort of higher levels of decision making than normal people have access to, let's say, your state school board. They want you to know particular historians' views of the world. So they go through and they select textbooks that, you know, distill the field down into a handy student's guide. Those historians have gone through and combed through the literature and reproduced it in a way that's helpful to students of different age groups. And then the school boards choose among the textbooks, right? And then, you know, the textbooks get distributed to various schools throughout the state. The way it actually really works is that historians do what they do. They are sort of functionaries in this process. They go ahead and do their research and do their writing and they say what they will about the past. And then those with actual political power at the school board level choose among those narratives which suits their purposes best. Whatever that might be, maybe they just think this is, you know, really the story of American history that people should know. This is what I want kids to think about America. I want them to feel good when they read American history or perhaps the people on the school board are sort of Straussians and they want to lie to people by telling them a particular version of American history because then that will make it easier to manipulate people and have them basically do what you want them to do from your position on the perch of political theorists. But whatever level it is at which we're learning history and having it taught at us in a sense, if we merely, you know, blindly follow that vision of the past that's taught at us, we're basically seeding our own power of interrogation of the present. And we stop, you know, questioning why exactly the world is the way it is and we simply accept the word of authority as given and then that explanation essentially becomes good enough in history as a long series of events as dictated by authority figures. I'm a historian and I tell people that sometimes when occasion calls for it and, you know, the thinking seems to be that that means you sit in a library a lot with stacks of books and a magnifying glass. But really doing the work of a historian is simply interrogating the past for yourself, looking at the record for yourself and coming up with your own narrative of events and analysis of what it means for us in the present. So what we want to do on this podcast is take that power into our own hands. If dominant narratives of history tend to support existing regimes, now by now as we'll discuss, by now that is not so much the case, not as much as it used to be and historians are more active in criticizing the status quo. But dominant narratives generally tend to support existing regimes or social structures or institutions. And the history produced by a wide variety of independent academics tends to be functional for those in power in the sense that you don't need to direct it, but you can gain a lot of benefit by selecting from these various academic functionaries who produce narratives, selecting narratives that work toward your broader, advancing your broader worldview. And that's exactly what, again, people on school boards do. So these people in places like the Texas School Board, for example, are extremely powerful because Texas buys so many textbooks, the book producers tend to market to that audience and end up producing huge amounts of whatever texts Texas chooses for their kids. And so those books, again, proliferate throughout the country and really end up becoming what we know about American history or world history or whatever the subject might be. But we have to remember is that those people who choose those textbooks want you to know a particular set of ideas about history, and they have their own private, personal, individual reasons for choosing the narratives that they do. And the only way really to break this mental trap where your mind is subject to the whims of others and their goals, the only way to break this trap is to learn for yourself how to explore and interrogate the past. By doing that, by casting the mere authority of historians aside, you become your own historian. You become armed with your own theory and methods and so on of figuring out exactly what happened to make the world the way it is and how perhaps we could revive some alternatives advanced in the past or build upon advances handed down to us and improve the world in the future. I think that's what most people want to do with history, and our goal for this podcast will really be to help you do that, to become your own historian. I wanted to move to talking about a wonderful article by H. L. Menken from back in World War I. Most listeners, I hope, have heard of H. L. Menken, if you haven't, go ahead and look him up. He was a terribly important writer overall, one of the most widely recognized and important influential popular writers of the 20th century, and by that I mean he wrote for a popular audience, and he was absolutely brilliant. So this article that I want to first read through, and then we're going to discuss it, is H. L. Menken's history of the bathtub, it's called A Neglected Anniversary. A Neglected Anniversary by H. L. Menken. On December 20, they're flitted past us, absolutely without public notice, one of the most important profane anniversaries in American history. To it, 75th anniversary of the introduction of the bathtub into these states. Not a plumber fired a salute, or hung out a flag. Not a governor proclaimed a day of prayer. Not a newspaper called attention to the day. Bathtubs are so common today that it is almost impossible to imagine a world without them. They are familiar to nearly everyone in all incorporated towns and most of the large cities. It is unlawful to build a dwelling house without putting them in. Even on the farm, they've begun to come into use, and yet the first American bathtub was installed and dedicated so recently as December 20, 1842, and for all I know to the contrary, it may still be in existence and in use. Seriously enough, the scene of its setting up was Cincinnati. Then a squall at Frontier Town, and even today surely no leader in culture. One Adam Thompson's involvement in the grain trade frequently took him to England, and in that country, during the 30s, he acquired the habit of bathing. The bathtub was still a novelty in England. It had been introduced in 1828 by Lord John Russell, and its use was yet confined to a small class of enthusiasts. Moreover, the English bathtub was a puny and inconvenient contrivance, and filling and emptying it required the attendance of a servant. Taking a bath, indeed, was a rather heavy ceremony, and Lord John in 1835 was said to be the only man in England who had yet come to doing it every day. Thompson, who was of inventive fancy, later devised the machine that is still used for bagging hams and bacon. He gave the notion that the English bathtub would be much improved if it were made large enough to admit the whole body of an adult man. And if its supply of water, instead of being hauled to the scene by a maid, were admitted by pipes from a central reservoir and run off by the same means. Accordingly, early in 1842, he set about building the first modern bathroom in his Cincinnati home. A large house with Doric pillars standing near what is now the corner of the monastery in Orleans Street. In his new luxurious tub, Thompson took two baths on December 20th, 1842, a cold one at 8 a.m. and a warm one sometime during the afternoon. The warm water heated by the kitchen fire reached a temperature of 105 degrees. On Christmas Day, having a party of gentlemen to dinner, he exhibited the new marvel to them and gave an exhibition of its use, and four of them, including a French visitor, Colonel Duchinel, risked plunges into it. The next day, all Cincinnati, then a town of about 100,000 people, had heard of it and the local newspapers described it at length and opened their columns to violent discussions of it. The thing, in fact, became a public matter. And before long, there was bitter and double-headed opposition to the new invention, which had been promptly imitated by several other wealthy Cincinnatians. On the one hand, it was denounced as an Epicurean and obnoxious toy from England designed to corrupt the democratic simplicity of the Republic. And on the other hand, it was attacked by the medical faculty as dangerous to health. See, Western Medical Repository of April 23rd, 1843. The noise of the controversy soon reached other cities. Late in 1843, for example, Philadelphia Common Council considered an ordinance prohibiting bathing between November 1st and March 15th, and it failed of passage by but two votes. During the same year, the legislature of Virginia laid a tax of $30 a year on all bathtubs that might be set up. And in Hartford, Providence, Charleston, and Wilmington, Delaware, special and very heavy water rates were levied up upon those who had them. Boston, very early in 1845, made bathing unlawful, except upon medical advice, but the ordinance was never enforced, and in 1862, it was repealed. This legislation, I suspect, had some class feeling in it. For the Thompson bathtub was plainly too expensive to be owned by any saved the wealthy, thus the low-cast politicians of the time made capital by fulminating against it. And there is even some suspicion of political bias in many of the early medical denunciations. But the invention of the common pine bathtub, lined with zinc in 1847, cut off this line of attack, and thereafter the bathtub made steady progress. After this medical opposition began to collapse, and among other imminent physicians, Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes declared for the bathtub and vigorously opposed the lingering movement against it in Boston. The American Medical Association held its annual meeting in Boston in 1849, and a poll of the members in attendance showed that nearly 55% of them, now regarded bathing, is harmless, and that more than 20% advocated it as beneficial. At its meeting in 1850, the resolution was formally passed, giving the imprimatur of the faculty to the bathtub. The homeopaths followed with a like resolution in 1853. But it was the example of President Millard Fillmore that even more than the grudging medical approval gave the bathtub recognition and respectability in the United States. While he was still Vice President in March 1850, he visited Cincinnati on a stumping tour, and according to Chamberlain, his biographer, took a bath in the tub. Experiencing no ill effects, he became an ardent advocate of the new invention. And on succeeding to the presidency at Taylor's death, July 9, 1850, he instructed his secretary of war, General Charles M. Conrad, to invite tenders for the construction of a bathtub in the White House. This action, for a moment, revived the old controversy. And its opponents made much of the fact that there was no bathtub at Mount Vernon or at Monticello, and that all the presidents and other magnificos of the past had got along without any such monarchial luxuries used by Louis Philip at Versailles. A thick cast iron tub was installed early in 1851 and remained in service in the White House until the first Cleveland administration, when the present enamel tub was substituted. The example of the president soon broke down all that remained of the old opposition, and by 1860, according to the newspaper advertisements of the time, every hotel in New York had a bathtub, and some had two, and even three, so much for the history of the bathtub in America. One is astonished on looking into it to find that so little of it has been recorded. The literature, in fact, is almost nil. But perhaps this brief sketch will encourage other inquirers, and so lay the foundation for an adequate celebration of the Centennial in 1942. So that's H. L. Menken's brief history of the bathtub, his neglected anniversary. And now I wanna sort of talk about, well, what exactly does this have to teach us about history? I actually, every time I taught a college course, I started the first class with this reading. And students are kind of befuddled by that sometimes, because it's a very weird little piece.  Again, it is a history of the bathtub, I'll give you that. It tells us information about the bathtub. But why are we reading this in a history class? I don't really understand, should we be talking about the American Revolution or something, getting onto it? It seems weird. So at first glance, it might seem like it contributes very little. It's just about the mundane, humble bathtub. But it's really an essay that's rich with suggestion about what we can do with the discipline of history. If we release ourselves from this idea that history has to come to us from above, it's the story of all the really big people doing big things.  They just tell you what happened and fill your mind with their particular narrative of the past. Well, when we do things Menken's way, and we challenge what we're told by looking at what we're not told, it leads up some really interesting areas. So for example, historians, it's been sort of trendy lately in the last couple of decades to move away from national level histories. Things that tell us about particular nation states and sort of relatively small groups of people in their political histories. Shifting away from that being the general pattern of historical knowledge to global history, world history, big history. Where you look extremely broadly at societies across space and throughout time and perhaps try to draw some generalizations. But really the exercise of history today by most academics, I think, is it's really supposed to be a process of learning how to interrogate the world better and better. So when you're again trying with this podcast to do that for your own, always think about subjects like Menken's bathtub. The things that you don't know have a history that you have sort of assumed have just come with the world that has been given to you. And there's nothing really particularly important to tell about its origins. Chances are that's not true and there's some really important interesting things just below the surface. So let's talk about this Menken essay. Bathtubs are incredibly important. That probably doesn't need to be said, but why don't they then have a history? These common everyday objects all around us, we don't consider them the subjects of history. I'm looking at microphones, I'm looking at chairs, I'm looking at tables and a cup of coffee right now. Every one on paper, all of these things are the proper subjects of history, understanding how we got these inventions, these products, where they came from, how people over millennia, think about Leonard Reed's eye pencil. No one of us could create a pencil from scratch without society somehow, whether it's through the structure of production or even just the knowledge of what a pencil is and how to make all the stuff to make it. We need language, we need society to do practically anything. It's suggested at least that the bathtub might well have never caught on and people perhaps would still not be using it if it weren't for important individuals like Oliver Wendell Holmes, the doctor, giving his okay to it. And some people gradually over time even saying, yeah, this is actually probably good for you to bathe. At first doctors were worried about it, right? They thought it would be dirty, not very sanitary. But then doctors start to warm up to it, they study it a little more, get used to it.  The authority par excellence in America, even at the time Americans worship the president to some degree. They had a huge deal of respect for him, the kind that maybe we're not inclined to anymore. But the president was a big, big figure in the day, and his word was very important. His sort of style and habits, his fashions were followed by a good number of people. So Fillmore puts a bathtub in the White House and suddenly people are like, you know what, okay, I guess we can go ahead with this. It doesn't necessarily, when the president accepts it, it no longer seems like a foreign, weird English aristocratic device to separate yourself from the common rabble. It seems more like something that every American can have access to, just like our political power offers, our political system offers the opportunity to express the power and influence of the individual through the ballot. And here the president sort of symbolically is representing people, accepting new forms of culture and technology. But it does take that authority figure to sort of give his go-ahead for people to finally embrace something that really is so obvious, so mundane, and so ubiquitous today. But here's the thing. There's a little catch to this Mankin story. It's all fake. It's entirely fake, made-up, fantasy fiction. Mankin wrote it in the middle of World War I, the U.S. entry into World War I. Basically as a joke, as a way to write something fun in wartime, which he points out, was not always very easy to write something fun during wartime.  Now I'd say don't feel too badly if you did fall for it, because most students do too, probably 95% or more. Occasionally there's one intrepid young person who goes and does the research beforehand and finds out that it's a hoax. But most just read the text. They read what Mankin says, and we have this great discussion about how his point of view on history could be important and contribute something. And then they find out it was all a lie and he really contributed nothing but fiction. Well then they're sort of mystified, they're left, it's a great thing to do in the first class because they're forced to sit there and confront the fact that they all just believed it simply because somebody in authority told them to believe it. Now Mankin goes that he has the citations of these different journals and he has all this very specific information, it looks legitimate. But it's completely made up, fabricated history for the specific purpose of just messing around with people and most people fall for it. So I'm just going to read Mankin's own intro to this essay from a Mankin Crestomathy. This is years later, he's reflecting on this article. He says this was first printed in the New York Evening Mail, December 28, 1917. The success of this idle hoax, done in time of war, when more serious writing was impossible, vastly astonished me. It was taken gravely by a great many other newspapers and presently made its way into medical literature and into standard reference books. It had of course no truth in it whatsoever and I more than once confessed publicly that it was only a jacocity. For example, in Prejudice's Sixth Series, 1927. Moreover, it was exposed and denounced by various other men. For example, Vilhar Yarmul Stefansson, the arctic explorer and a great connoisseur of human credulity in his Adventures in Error, New York, 1936. But it went on prospering and in fact is still prospering. Scarcely a month goes by that I do not find the substance of it reprinted, not as foolishness but as fact and not only in newspapers but in official documents and other works of the highest pretensions. So this fake history of the bathtub was repeated over and over again by authoritative sources as the true history of the bathtub in America. Even though Menken even said after publishing it over and over again, no, no, no, no, no, I made it up. Don't you listening? I made it up and still people didn't listen. Apparently it was cited well into the 90s and it might even be the case that if some particularly bored journalist or blogger out there sets out to write a history of the bathtub that they will end up citing Menken to this very day. Because if you look it up, you read it and you don't bother looking too much more deeply into it, you'll go ahead and accept what authority has planted in your mind. So people accept Menken's history as true simply because someone wrote it down and told them about it. We're taught to revere whatever it is we read in books. We're taught to accept the past as it's given to us, as it's taught at us. We're taught to just accept therefore the world that we have and the one that those in power want to create for the future. When we take the creation and the critique of history into our own hands, we empower ourselves. We take that power back from people who have surreptitiously filched it from us and we return it, you know, to our own individual stock of agency, if you will. So that's the spirit in which we embark upon our studies and that's the keystone message of this podcast. Our task will not be to teach you the content of history, but to help you better teach yourself. So then let's be off now and set about it. Welcome to the show.


It would be some sort of, I don't know what you're saying, as it would be for an advocate, all those things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.  Yeah. So you made it. I got a bit more of a picture of you, Shay. I'm going to stop. Let me tell you a bit about it. There's nothing... No, I didn't make it. That's a different one. Oh, well, great. Yeah. It's just the... Yeah. Yeah. I might need that. Ooh. There's one. It's academic and it's theater. It's the place where they both meet. We have the audience and the participants for each other. It's an actual practice. It's a historical practice. Samples of women sharing what it is they need to do. Sharing how you do that. There's no way you can ignore that thing any more. Work and all that. You can come and see and talk about it. It starts out a little thing. You're right today. The theater for everybody. Yes, everybody. Yes. I'm already kidding. The survival of theater as an art form depends on that. So, welcome everybody to the Martin Siegel's Theater Center here at the Graduate Center CUNY. My name is Frank Henschen. I'm the director of the Siegel Center. This is a great day for us. It's the beginning of the readings of the Pin World Voices play festival. We are doing this for over 10 years. It's an incredible honor of us to work with this truly significant literary awards, but also now created that literary festival that is, I think, unrivaled in the United States. Penn Festival was created by Paul Oster, Salman Rushdie and Michael Roberts at the time of George Bush, the son. When they felt there was a tunnel vision in America, it looks now that it was like the great old conservative time, so things have changed radically, but I think the basic idea still is the same. They said 95% of old books are English books or come from England or the U.S. The rest, 5%, half of it is German or French because it's government subsidies to help for translation. So you have one or two books that comes from the 180 or 200 countries around the world, and it would be unthinkable for musicians not to listen to music from all around the world to be influenced, to want to know what people are working on, and I think this festival makes an incredible contribution. It's going on this week. I think a fantastic lineup. A lot of events are free like ours. We had an opening last evening. Normally we invite writers from all around the world from different continents, minority languages. This time we said we invite the Gorky Theater Berlin. It's a sensational theater in Berlin. It's what people say the most innovative, most experimental, somehow the youngest with audience and ideas creating new forms of theater and we live in the Turkish-German leader, Sherman Langhoff and Jens who they work together with and create an ensemble. Basically everybody is not the typical like German like me, so they come from all the countries that refugees come or immigrants or first generation and just also artists who work but they are giving a home as safe haven and they really do engage with stories that have never been told on the stages. You hear parallel languages on stage and they develop the work in a very highly unusual way in collaborative works, actors, directors together and we have the privilege to show six of the most, some of the most interesting plays over I think seven or eight years. If you ever in Berlin, please do go and I think it is truly something inspirational and it's the first time it's the first time they come to the US it's the first time these plays got three of them translated the first time that they are shown so now you are here at the very beginning and you can say I was there and there was the very first Gorky reading at the Segal or in the US or in the Americas so we have the playwright with us, Sivan who wrote this play, Daddy loves you Sivan flew all the way over here to be with us and talk with us next to her, Nora and Christopher from the Gorky and so we will talk afterwards a little bit and then there's Tina the director, I see somewhere they are still in there, Tina Senna we will see a great New York director from Experimental Theatre in downtown Baltimore, here she is and now Daddy loves you and thank you for coming, if you have a cell phone now is the time to take it out and please do check it's off I'll do the same, thank you Daddy loves you, by Sivan then you shy let the blood come out to show them part 3 you know what you are going to write about but in the end you always land next to your mother they paid 2 euros 80 for the ride since then sitting on the bench the queens, the many none me, sitting in front of them after a long night with you you probably already at home now with Dad sitting on your side of the sofa while he's sitting on his you're covered with a little blanket playing an internet game in your smart phone assuming that Papa loves you will play in the theater around 2030 in the evening you've already had your dinner after Dad goes to bed you will take another plate of food and swallow it in the darkness while standing alone next to the countertop I will never tell you what I've written about you and if you ask I will explain to you that the mother in the piece is a metaphor for a home he is sitting on his side of the sofa his smart phone is leaning on one of the pillows his iPad is lying in his lap his eyes are looking to the TV screen soon he will ask for and he will bring him a bottle of cola and a glass he will drink half of the bottle and burp I wonder if when he does it now you two still laugh like we used to we never existed me you when a train is driving full power one direction and the human body is sitting in it still being transported from point A to point B staring at the time and space bleeding in front of its eyes the driver is far away no answer the train rolls down the tunnel like a ring swallowed by the stake tumbles through the curves of an intestine silence in the carriages in one carriage especially early morning the train is almost empty on the bench sits a woman on her head she is wearing a hat and the hat has the color of her suit and her suit has the color of her orthopedic shoes and her orthopedic shoes and the color of the three napkins that are peeking out of her blazer pockets what can a woman with a hat that matches the suit that matches the shoes that match the napkins do what can she do she can sit she can stare forward at her own reflection on the dark windows in front of her in front of her trapped within her reflected silhouette sitting for real I and sitting alone in front of this hat in front of grandma's suit and so early is this morning and very long was the night and I hung my eyes onto her and I dropped my eyes from her and I raised my eyes and I moved my eyes and I rolled my eyes and I closed my eyes and I opened them back and in front to now sit two grandma hats are expected simultaneously coughing into one two three napkins and three colors one by three pairs of pants yes in front of me there are four lady suits sitting one next to another next to another and another one and the suits match the bracelets and the bracelets fit pantyhose five pairs of pantyhose one two six nine hats and belts in a row on the carriage bench nine suits suits of the kind that the queen of England would wear the queen of England Elizabeth what's her name queen Elizabeth what is she doing by the way what's her job what does the queen do at all between us the carriage is aisle people jump once in a while in and out of the carriage all of them pause smiley in front of the spectacle they all probably find it kind of poppy sort of contemporary nine queens captured in an iron bubble of like tens of meters under the ground and shoulders ignoring your looks I see you though the dark middle the dark night of the deep middle of a story the beginning of the ride is far behind unreachable and the end is unseen certain but concealed one can crash into it full speed without even seeing it coming a fly bumping into a pane of glass ends arrive only when they want to final stations too and when this final station draws near it will appear as a little light in the distance that indicates the tunnel is over and it's an absolute cliche of course but this is how it will start a light in the dark et cetera from this moment on the closer the train gets to the tiny flash of light the bigger the light will become not something dramatic just simple mathematics the closer one gets to an object the bigger it seems and indeed when the train finally stops it will be standing in front of a big square of light three times bigger than the train itself and this square of light won't be a regular exit doorway or a normal train station it will be a huge squared empty frame a screen a picture a monitor that comes at the end of a long black sleeve and if you push your head towards the monitor and wait from the right look a long haired woman enters and the woman she is riding her bike the bike is so rusty that you can hear the rattling of the chain the woman's shin muscles are swollen glitter in the sun yes, the sun is in the picture too and behind her under Panier rack cross-legged sits a man giggling excited he is hugging her waist from behind in order not to fall while she calm and concentrated is pedaling further pedaling forward and it's only her in the squared frame at the end of the tunnel it's only her in this picture a map that rolls from afar and it's you watching them if you manage to get to this point and it's me too the woman on the bike rides through the picture crossing in its middle and at some point she disappears maybe she noticed maybe she didn't that behind her a flock of women are coming they too are pedaling their bikes and each one of them is a young blushing man who hugs her waist firmly from behind holding her tight in order not to fall and as they take a sharp turn at a huge junction all the women lean their bikes low into the quarter and the picture unfolds and stretches and opens and becomes three-dimensional and all the women are waving their hands at a tall woman who stands at the junction waiting for the traffic light to change the woman throws warm greetings at each and every cyclist that passes her and after they all disappear she sends her big, vanged hand backwards to grab the thin, gentle fingers of her partner and when the traffic light turns green she'll leap them through the humming streets he skips and runs behind her trying to follow her huge steps left and right and a few more streets forward she leaps them beyond and beyond the streets and beyond the noise and he follows with dreamy eyes always half a meter behind her as he was never especially good with directions and she's never wrong and so they end up quickly and mistakelessly on the bank of the canal and they hug tightly as they both understand that she has brought them to where the summer is celebrating its best days where all is euphoria where everybody is moving living crashing into each other in the air like dizzy bugs in love grass and water and marmalade and the water shimmers in the evening sun and along the waterline a group of heavyweight boxers with colorful sports bras are running and singing together to the common rhythm of their feet and with every planting of their huge feet on the ground the ground shakes a little and the birds above them panic a little spreading all around them and creating astounding shapes of birds in the sky like sand that changes its shape with the beat of a drum and drums and drums and women assemble in big and small circles all around applauding and cheering the break dancing girls in the middle shouting and encouraging light and heavyweight ladies who wrestle in the water roar with joy and naked children are everywhere floating in the air around them touching not touching like fluffy sea deads and once in a while they find their mothers and get entangled in their air dragging them laughing into the water and the mothers respond with a spontaneous somersault in the air and like long stretched arrows they slice the water throwing their wet bras to the bank and swim with strong rowing movements shining in the sun like the glowing backs of free whales in the heart of the ocean while the few fathers on the shore hand little magnifying glasses to the children and they all watch together how their mothers race each other and they cheer them and miss them very much but they'll have to wait patiently until the mothers come back wet and panting shaking their hair and skin like huge wet hairs and all around the applause is rising and if you look to your sides you'll see that everyone around you is stamping tall and stretched and glowing like a field of sunflowers looking towards the sky because at the top of the picture a long black bearded naked woman is cutting the air like a jet plane and she might be God but we can really leave God now to the side we can really talk about God in another time because now in this picture a black bearded naked woman is crossing the sky with a roar and she flips in the air and lets out thunder shouts and until she disappears from their sight they won't stop waiting at her hours they will remain like that shining altogether shirtless nipples in all colors flashing like lucky stars and dancing and dancing throwing their bodies in the air for her, for each other turning around in endless soupy circles long hair dangling from their armpits like hungry dripping tongues and pubic hair bursting from their crotches like fire coming out of lion's mouths and around every woman dancing under the sky there's someone sucking her neck and sucking her lips this is why all the women are covered with love spots pink and red and black lipstick leopard spots all the naked women from the lake are covered with them and the lovely sounds surrounding the picture are rocking the strong female bodies from inside and from outside the pathos here is mostly welcome welcome tears and welcome wailings welcome trembling organs welcome and the sun so soft and the sun is already close to its sunset and like a cat the sun rubs itself between the women's breasts between their curves rolling and pressing its beams on their tanned backs in a last little massage for the last time and this is the sign to disperse the men carry the warm sleepy children on their chests and the women walk together hugging sisters and their heavy breasts leave a trail behind them on the sand as they walk reading poetry and philosophy to each other yes words are the sound are the loud train news what does an old woman have between the breasts that a young woman doesn't a name news news training what do an 80 year old woman and a 14 year old girl have to come they both want to look 20 end of news what do you call the gynecologist of the grandma archeologist and after all it's a picture in this picture it's an exit station a final station and it's there waiting being shown in loops on this square monitor far away from here or maybe very close I don't know ends arrive when they decide to I said that already final stations too all night we were there dad called you're in a hospital come fast it's her belly her kidney stones again blood in the urine emergency room and I come in the middle of the night and I run and I see you you through the half open door you sitting alone in the hospital bed before your operation and you're just one mother out of thousands I know and you're just one mother out of millions are sitting now in the hospital bed I know but how can I explain it's my mother listen it's my mother train are driving only forward but can see on the back so back now back to the carriage back to the bench on which nine Queen Elizabeths sit fastened to each other above their heads above their heads a sign of clear behavioral rules for this train you ride one don't look each other in the eyes two you may share an uncontrollable smile regarding an unusual phenomenon in the carriage but make sure that the smile is gone after a maximum of three to four seconds three you may stare at girls but their lips, their voices, their skin the looks their cuffs, their damp napkins their little baths ignoring the looks nine different colors diffusing into each other one gray mass with nine crowns on top and underneath underneath waits the bare skin chop chop chop regarding gravity all things with mass are brought toward one another first dance class shake move on your seat Queens wave your arms Queens say hi to your reflection turn now look down in the other direction jump under the ground that pulls your skin Queens loose the ground the earth that exhausts you breath Queens I see the earth draw on your skeletons down Queens I see it arm wrestling with you asking for your body for your bones for your bones and you think you're on top clean but soon the ground will win you think you're on top clean but at the end the ground will win you know it, I know it you know it but until then stop the heavy breath hop hop open the old toothless hole acapella all together nine Queens flying under waters nine Queens swimming underground through the half opened door crab I'm looking for you a bent little body left on its own how can I explain alone with your body how can I explain marinated in your pain what happened to you your own hand pinches the brown age stains on top of the other when did they all appear mama how can I explain through the half opened door I see you a great tiny woman sitting on this bed how can I explain it wasn't you life treated us well if we're to be honest although we were always somehow afraid of the future now we can the teachers wouldn't harass didn't harassing this pop you say good that you're here you say no one has arrived yet good that you're here hey, don't worry it's a simple procedure you say always the first you say you were always our first and before I enter surgery you say I'm going to give you my teeth you say I'd like to put them in this little box and I'm going to give you my teeth will you keep them for me you say after the operation you need to promise me that you will be the first one to enter my room you say and give me my teeth back then you give me my teeth back and don't let father in you say before my teeth don't let him see me without teeth under the milky fluorescent lights her bottom lip is trembling our legs are moving it means a lot and true this lake was never particularly remarkable was never particularly hairy or particularly long or particularly big or particularly short or particularly hurt or particularly bainy this lake was normal was smooth was white was never run over by a car was never forced by the weight of naked male limbs on it or squashed into the asphalt with violence this lake was never pulled and lifted by hands of soldiers of policemen of teenagers who wanted something from it this lake was always relatively safe and it's nails on our backs not in passion and not in attack life didn't lick the blood out of our necks we weren't the beauties but we didn't become Dracula's victims either life didn't suck us dry and the horrible stuff was not so horrible mothers fathers simple stories we never allowed them to crush on us with their full weight life was soft to us and we thanked the world and avoided extra risks we were the well behaved people our metaphorical notebooks were perfect we came ready to the classroom and we did it day after day punctually we did it diligently true never in the brilliant ones role we were never the academic the celebrity the professor the artist the writer but had no problem with that because life it took care regarding the wagon that has forgotten all about us while we are sitting in it second dance class from the left to the right nine babies nine babies with orthopedic shoes and tired skin find a partner vow look at you nine grown up babies sitting in a row from the left to the right nine babies nine babies with tits little bend gray hair switch hands nine exhausted babies with past stories and bitterness wrinkles nine babies with wigs and colored lips anonymous babies sitting helpless and a train passes through a tunnel leaves no trace no evidence who will remember you my queen even the train itself has already forgotten about you while you were sitting in it even the train has already forgotten one ride in one direction that's what you get we're trying again find a new partner all night long pushing their hands to the infected hole that once upon a time parted me out all night behind the door in the waiting room a little box with your teeth shakes between my fingers like a trapped bird not too many strong memories from the wars we went through and we guessed that we'll already be dead or the atom bombs soon start falling on your heads we haven't suffered too much true there were a few years back then which were a bit less pleasant but first of all we really don't remember too much of them and secondly I made sure that I got the full extended package of compensations for each and every war trauma that I ever went through and the not so tiny amount that was deposited to my bank account every beginning of every month for the last 30 years compensated me very kindly for any kind of suppressed forgotten trauma that I may be might have experienced in this war or another I'm not saying that the war was nice one must look at things with perspective simple mathematics the closer to what you are the bigger it seems my life was always soft to me and even when it was a bit less soft it was still worth it if we settle the account and check what we gave and what we received we came out on top we're not saying that everybody was as lucky with this war as we were but we managed to squeeze the system until the last sight after I was done with them they were sorry for uprooting my father's golden teeth from his mouth feeling my mother's business and fortune every person should leave their house and belongings take only one suitcase with them and jump into the train minorities of today listen to me I know that these days are bad for you believe me been there done that but let me tell you something as an X minority that has seen some things in her life the cost of a dress divides itself forever into the future think about it a 100 euro dress is not so expensive if you are going to wear it 600 times back to the suitcase although my family and I had to leave behind us in the end I got so many compensations and benefits from the state as a result of this war that my future was practically fixed I can't help but think today that this little suitcase was actually quite an investment I tortured the system that murdered my family until it gave me everything that I deserved by law so yes, you are not having a great time now true, I see you both are going through but in the end they will learn and not because we will teach them humanism but because they will feel it in their pockets and in their second generations pockets and in their third generations pockets they'll pay until they learn and that's what I'm trying to say they paid me a lot and please, please don't misunderstand me I'm not going to rebel against any system no, no, that's not my idea I was never against any system I never wanted to ruin systems I'm actually a big fan of the system I don't believe in going against I don't believe in finding I see you activists you think that you're big heroes then you get the chorus all the full of sorrow tortured souls they died before me in their wars demonstrations in their diseases in their great art we had this kind of basic luck after the war we flew 3,000 kilometers away and landed in a brand new place this time as a majority in the democratic land of those who are in the majority we admit that there is a tiny logical problem in the last sentence but we aren't the ones who formulated it there was nothing we could do cancer is on your side electricity water a bullet never met no detentions and bombardments in the middle of the night no leaders calling me we were okay generally we were okay the army was on our side we had basic human rights even the men in our lives they didn't destroy us it was all good no horrible chores no one dragging you by the hair no cruel gangbangs no horrors no attacks in the street in the middle of the night and just to make it clear I was never against gangbangs and draggings and all that I just knew where to place them in my life they were placed in my head in the little schlaustunde afternoon at home it's a lot until I reached the age of 50 I had a mother I had a father too he used to come to my house for every lunch for 15 years after mama's death replaced her kitchen with mine the sharper pencils in the audience might make the connection and understand that this habit of his got in the way of my afternoon orgasm in the lights in the end one after the other they all disappeared from our lives all the fathers the mothers, the husbands after they left we found ourselves alone finishing the days with a blushing of whiskey in one hand half of raw onion in the other for the immune system whaling and some dirty gangbangs from hell train news train news train news an elderly widow gentleman in a nursing home became very friendly with an elderly lady he told her his former wife used to hold his penis every night to help him go to sleep commercials, commercials, train news the elderly lady decided to do this for her new male friend every night for a week each night he fell soundly asleep the gentleman told the lady that he was sorry but he had found a new partner she asked him sad sad what does she have have that I don't have have he replies Parkinson's end of sad news and you on your back you early early morning the opened mouth you they pushed their hands in you then further they sent you done next but my mother listen it's my mother the under anesthesia toothless you they're probably pushing your bed somewhere the rolling fainted brawless you where are they taking you they don't even know you in our job too we tried to do our best several times we even got promoted my boss he was a great talented man he was in the office he was an amateur hairdresser what a great hand need had for 22 years once a month after everybody had left the office we used to put on our special high-heeled shoes and on a swivel chair in the special meetings room he used to cut our hair a perfect haircut included washing, shampooing cutting, drying perfect treatment until he came on my back always cleaned us after offered a cigarette even now every now and then he still pops up in my mind this man said 15 years already such a great hairdresser and great listener where are they the great listeners in these times of narcissism that everybody met crazy lonely planets that on fire so many speakers and no one listens so many performers and who is sitting over there in the audience to watch them all it's so nice to know that somewhere in my past in front of a huge window of an empty office under the stars there is an aging woman sitting elegantly dressed and she is me and she is talking and talking while behind her stands a man and he is fully listening to her under the stars she talks he listens and massages her skull well with his left hand and the main hero the exposed flesh cottage dance prong and the silence and the carriage they exhale it, I inhale it hard to breathe within the carriage they exhale it, I inhale it nine queens gaze on their skin and how old and how the bellies what does a grandma have between the nipples a navel this gaze removes everything removes every defense removes every cover and now on your feet queens straighten your legs queens and start to remove remove those ridiculous clothes from those barely breathing chests one by one remove them, just take off the suits your suits to the sound of the shaking wheels get naked now to the screech of the metal whistles take them off now to the smash of the doors take everything off your bodies the shoes, wigs take them off and leave them on the floor in piles the suits in a pile here the shoes put in a pile on the other side the glasses, here's the pile for them on your socks, you won't need them take everything off get naked all those rods clips, use napkins take them off and now make it completely naked stand in the middle of the carriage in a row, nine queens in a row sit the many terrified naked silkworm cocoons the butchery shop of the female body and the train goes on to the corridors the corridors of the elementary school commemoration day of the murder and the victims of the national wars and we, seven year old school children standing in front of 17 year old photos in which women raise their hands in front of soldiers in front of guns the women, the naked the armpits, the faces distorted by fear or maybe it's the freezing wind women, women women standing together under waters under wars young and old and female and bodies alive or dead piles of nudity, dust and body color the peep show of history has exposed their skin for 70 years already 70 years and the walls are full of the female bellies and the female breasts over 70 years exhibited in photos and on the bottom of every photo of every naked woman raising her hands the government's logo the women's hands cover themselves from the soldiers' laughs from the soldiers' guns from the soldiers' eyes and maybe from our eyes too the pixels of the past suffering seven year old children look now at a real adult nipple for the first time in their lives moving hectic from one photo to another seeking one in which to see better a photo in which the hands were able to cover the beauty that became national that became official of you yearly ceremonies and it's been years now that the women have been exhibited their nudity caught and portrayed forever black and white and four corners of a photo and in its center nine women stand in a row 18 hands are raised in the air knees collapsing into one another and we children assembled around it hypnotized and what we see nipples and terrified eyes distorted ribs and shaved feminine skulls and what we see limbs and sharpened pelvic bone pelvic bones toothless gaping mouths bodies that are thrown dead on one another a pile and shoe piles and suit piles and glasses piles and wigs tins and tins of glitters of exposed flesh being hung on the walls the private flesh tins and tins and leaders of female exposed flesh that was peeled from its covering legs all of this softness all of this softness the peak show of memorizing the person history of the one with the terrified eyes lift up who has made the mistake and covered her crotch with two hands so her breasts remain exposed to breath you always hid your body from us you never showed your breasts you said that they were ugly and refused to be photographed my queen your face close to mine panting you used to scream when papa wasn't there you closed the windows and slapped and slapped your dry lips in fresh saliva at some point I started to hit back mama crawling up the stairs to your room an old chameleon crawling in slow motion licking your dessert colorless lips the smell you didn't like to drink water and your mouth shriveled got brown, withered, drooped and was never kissed again in a modern house in the heart of the city with a job a career, good friends and a great family you lived in a cave in a modern house, in the heart of the city with a short haircut and a feminist education you were the one that rotted and your clothes became wider and darker and stretched on your heavy meat a woman can become three things when she grows old a cow, a chicken a house, daddy, which one of the three I will become father's car, enter the parking lot and you shut the TV down, silence papa needs his quiet when he arrives from work papa works hard for us and the evenings belong to papa and the door opens and papa's in the house and papa he wears white clothes and papa he goes for long walks master of the land and has deep talks, account and a sir, a gentleman who is much air and nature than lights a cigarette, always at the right moment always of the best kind you smoke to the cheapest and devour two packs a day my sweet moods are sour biting your fingernails to the bone preparing the daily food how can I explain the food that feeds he cooked only on special occasions and when he did he cooked with all the colors and when he did he cooked for long hours you called him the chef and forced everybody to moan while eating his food then at nights you swallowed the rest by yourself for hours you chewed there, bare hands leaning over the pots in the darkness in the mornings I behaved as if I hadn't noticed and ran away from you, beast but your shiny child's eyes green sparkling eyes mama, oh mama, your head always peeping from the little kitchen window waiting framed by the window's wooden lintel as it was the only place in which you could be and so what if it was the window of the newest kitchen and so what if the doorkeeper nodded alone at him when you entered or left the cave and so what if it was in the middle of the city with a car, with a gym with expensive shoes and silent modern pop music in the weekends you were rotting you how can I explain you listened for hours to his stories three hours he talked in the car, family trips sitting in the front a father, a mother sweating in the back, I was there shutting up because now he is telling you his stories and you love you love him, you love that and you laugh you laugh loud you laugh brown and you agree with him and you curse anyone who go against him sometimes so loud you curse that he tells you calm down and says your name how can I explain the moment when he tells you calm down and says your name how can I explain his quiet voice it was like a fist bump in your face how can I explain you took care of everything, cleaning, washing, house bills he gave you confidence your mother is the best secretary that I know and he had many many secretaries but your mother is the best how can I explain every time he said that our cave was flooded with blood our rooms, our beds how can I explain collapsed into themselves we were tearing each other apart in the living room while he was out in the garden we were spinning and shouting and scratching while he grasped his hands behind his back and had a talk with a neighbor about holiday destinations we killed, we cursed we saw the cave collapsing while he whistled a little melody and leaps how can I explain when he came back into the cave we froze and played for him this family again his clothes smelling of laundry you always washed them separately from ours you washed his delicate shirts by hand and after you ran to the window to smoke mommy mommy I hate you but they don't know about the way your slim ankles cling to each other on the sofa they don't know your collection of ducklings on the bathroom's windowsill they don't know your little fingers holding the cigarette and then another one and then another one and I lived your nipples for 20 years then got my inheritance from him and I held him out and he said all my life is given to you and I answered him thank you daddy when you were tearful repeated all my life and I answered thank you daddy how can I explain you were there I remember the glow on your face when he gave me the keys to my inherited apartment when he said daddy loves you I remember how you blowed standing two steps behind him your back had bent your face blurred out as if you were a random passerby that was accidentally caught in the family's pappies moment your face was there blurred and never returned to a sharp expression again our modern life our modern family look into the camera and say cheese how good papa smelled papa took care of his body of his mouth of his teeth while yours fell out one after another the cave filled with your teeth mama as your mouth emptied and became this black moldy hole officially known as you you and old lady not even 40 why did you have to keep me out of your shape how did you dare give me all this despair how do you dare force me to your lips papa never kissed those lips we agreed on that a family decision we gave you the cheese your cave the warmth, the humidity rice with strice and orphaned spaghetti your food was always a family joke like trying to say mama's a bad cook because she's a liberated woman but how can I but how can I explain you were only that tasteless rice hell pasta and extra bread what could I do I gorged on you until you were finished and ran the hell away what does a 70 year old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old doesn't the hell away of this dark hole in which you were crawling chameleon legs around yourself in circles and you'll never seen me again my mommy my mother south you discovered the world of emojis your eyes are glowing in front of your smart phone every night and every morning messages and they are full of yellow smiling faces and they are full of chicks toddling in a row and butterflies, hearts my mommy, look that's my mommy two green lights your eyes two buried emeralds still how can I explain it was all your fault it was all your fault I'm going to tell you and take care of him I must be the body and not the shadow I must be life and not this forgotten rest so I come to visit once a month or once a year and all the way to you my heart is beating all the way I want to tell you so much I want to tell you then you open the door and my jaw locks and my face freezes and when your body is near me how can I explain my voice my heart is talking to you so I raise it and I raise it just to watch with tears how your two shining eyes are glowing now towards me listening now to me and the loud voice is me and the loud voice is now me what to do I am talking and talking three hour long stories talking and talking only before I leave the house I suddenly stop and say I've never seen the day that day a million years ago when he took for a walk the moment that moment when he said let's go for a walk when he had a good mood we were all around him happy and he grabbed his keys and you wagged your tail so happy and you were already close to the door jumping on his legs you were and we and he he looked at you and you and he said do you remember how he said with this low voice of his with a slight relaxed smile do you remember how he suddenly said how he aren't you ashamed he said aren't you ashamed to go out to show yourself in public like that your face he said and said your name look at your face he said and said your name how can you allow yourself I was the wall I was the walls I was the empty eyes I was the holes I drowned in the blood at once and I will never pop out again and if I will I swear that I will torture you mama and lets you take now the key that he's holding his expensive car keys and lets you take it and stab it in the center of the forehead we are suffocating take the key mama save us take it and I'll come with you anywhere let us run away anywhere you want mama just stay where I'll come I will and we'll be a family just us together I will never leave you never moderation simple lets leave him there with his fancy car keys stuck in his brain we can take your car drop down you always got his old car when he got a new model you always got his old phone when he got a better one mama you have to go believe me lets go and I will never leave you just take the key you turn back and went to the cave's bathroom you applied two strikes of brown red lipstick on the grey and chameleon lips you didn't look at the mirror when you didn't then you crawled back to the door where he was standing watching you do you remember mama how he was looking at you we all saw he saw a chameleon with brown red lips crawling on the house floor parts of you crumbling to pile on the endless journey to the bathroom at his feet under his gaze you crawled naked as in front of a gun way to the pile on the left here on the pile to the right shoes mama his gun his gun that is pointing at you just flip it back to his direction turn it back at him and I'll come with you anywhere and live with you forever the long long grade is entwined between me and my queen mommy what do you call a gynecologist or a grandma archaeologist what is a grandma's hymen's spider net news news train news end of news end of the news end your hole from which you farted me out that old sewage hole that hole that trash can hole what did you do to me what did you do to me how did you dare do that to me morning prayers and the day is over and all the women are coming back from the canal towards the center of the city and all the passersby are standing aside for them because one they should two they really should and three because all the people in the street are moving to the other side in order to see from where the deep voice that is filling the neighborhood comes from from which roof that voice that is filling the streets now comes from where and they can't see her but her voice is thundering loud as she screams her prophecies from above rapping them hard spitting her words of anger while their escort boys unbuckling her and whistle around her ha and once in a while less and less it happens but still old papa's try to climb up to the roof on which she stands and reach her and they hurl curses curses towards her shut up clueless girl style and they complain about her topics and they despise her language and the way she deals with complicated questions learn the subject before you speak their faces become red to the loud laughter of the sisters the sisters all around where is your certificate where are you trained to sing him a word they mumble under their unculled grandpa trump ways away then the rapper stops oh she shifts into the frequency that will shut their ears down forever because all around her now the girls are preparing to join your time is over old man your time is over and we and now listen to the witches listen to the witches that are moving the clouds and spreading purples all around colors are the night and spirals listen listen to them it's the final station and everything is moving breathing in and breathing out pumping the wind from north to south from the sea to the lake and the winds mint green winds the gentle breath of a woman the calmness the mint the city is full of it and this is where we're going to stay this is where we're going to be while sweet honey rain falls on our faces the ejaculation of the leaf it's the end it has arrived and here estrus howlings rise from the retirement homes windows the dark middle is behind the dark night of the deep middle the deep dark middle of a tunnel of a story of a body is behind the dark night of a cheap train ride is over now the last stop has arrived and the train is still and nine queens now Sloan stand up straighten their joints and this time nobody looks at them and nobody smiles at the sight of nine old bodies or nine dry goats or nine silly cows or nine hysterical chickens or all the names you ever gave us nine six five you know one woman is standing now all alone she enters a three-dimensional squared picture a three-dimensional dream and doesn't belong to anyone's gaze anymore and she's going to the bars and she's dancing in the clubs or she's paddling in salt bath tubs with glasses of cheap whiskey in her hand with her boobs hanging out of her suit now no one is looking at her anymore and this is the exact moment to lift the skirt and roll down the underwear this is the time to bend in the middle of the street and pee everything out and pee it in golden swarms and flood the pavements and storm the roads as it was a very long ride in this train and she really needed to pee and no way no way that she will stand now in the endless line for the ladies toilet while men's toilets are always free and healthy this is how the picture will pause with the sharp smell of female piss and with you toothless you are lying on your bathroom your eyes closed it's just a kidney stone operation it's no drama of the nurse mumbles still this bed makes you so tiny done next but my mother my mother listen it's my mother waking up now from a deep anesthesia all alone come close says the black human hole in the middle of your face come close to me the box with your teeth twitching between my hands come your gums move pink as baby's gums come to me the sun is rising you stoned mama don't talk you need to sleep mama mama mama come to me my darling say hug me give me a kiss you say give me a kiss my love on my mouth you say you need your teeth mama mama mama mama you're stoned mama mama let me give you your teeth just put them in and go to sleep mama you're stoned it's morning time to go now is there someone from the company coming? you should have a mic soon first I think again that was quite an extraordinary reading so again really an applause for the work with the actor that was really fantastic thank you and Stevan how does it feel to hear your play in English in New York? yeah only while listening to this reading I realized that I never heard this play in English yet only when I'm reading it in Berlin sometimes in English so I hear myself reading it and I know my rhythms and I know my attitude towards the text so it was very touching did you translate it yourself? no someone else translated it oh you wrote it in English but you don't hear it in Germany they do it in German like you said you've never heard it in English because there they do it in so basically my texts are written in English and they are functioning as kind of ghosts because they are immediately being translated into German I have a translator that works with me and in a way I already imagined them in German but I write them in English but my mother tongue is basically Hebrew so like this strange original is at least till now like always like somewhere like functioning in a way as a ghost like hidden somewhere in my drawer sorry to interrupt I just was really curious because of that it was in English and then okay so go on anything else you were curious? lots more but you should do your questions that one was I just wanted to clarify at this point I mean I don't know but Frank can start with this well tell us where does the play come from so what was on your mind when you wrote it? well basically when we started to work on this piece in Gorky theater I remember the chairman said yeah I mean we were deciding to work to speak about the female body and the aging of the female body we didn't know really what's going to happen and I remember the chairman said yeah but you know Cibila Berg that is going to show here like I think tomorrow Cibila Berg is going to write a play about mothers and daughters so maybe not they'll come close to the mother's topic and I was like yeah of course no way no I don't have my mother in mind so this is how it started so how do you write? how does your process I think you said last night you sit at your home you have a typewriter you put in your computer how does it work? do you read it out aloud? basically I have a practice that I'm holding like in the last three years every morning I meet myself at the same hour between 6.30 and 7.00 and I start to write and I do it every day until 2 o'clock or 3 o'clock at noon no one calls if someone calls I don't answer and I just in a way spill myself out I meet myself I call it to meet myself every day no matter what and this is how when I have already a specific work in mind so I just start to walk around the topic and to just circle it until suddenly one day I might find a queen in my way and then another queen and another queen and then I discover that I'm sitting in a train and then I already have a situation and when I have a situation and a figure within a situation or within a figure in a space and I can start constructing a situation then it's endless then basically the form of theater only interrupts me because I can write forever and well we here mostly I use the well-made play the British play with the beginning and the middle of an end and characters and emotions this of course is a very different narrative structure you created and so do you don't believe in the well-made plays? Well I don't know if it's connected to belief but more I think to a way of understanding and speaking to the human mind this is how I hear it I think that I prefer to create braids somehow or carpets and to somehow braid them into narrations that are intertwining with one another and reflecting or being used as mirrors for one another or microcosmos for one another and this is what interests me I think I'm not so interested with telling or using a plot because me myself I don't see the world as plots I see the world as a spiral I see topics or problematic topics in society reflecting each other as we are as if we are in a spiral so this is how I prefer to write Maybe since we talked about weaving I think it's wonderful beautiful work and the complexity of the world is reflected in it and it's not simplified kind of children like stories often stories get framed into but how did you look at them when you got the text how did that weaving look to you I have one question is it a part three of something it's a part of a tetralogy and daddy loves you is the third part of it and it was its own full length stand alone and then it was part of the trilogy okay I didn't know what the part three was but I was fine to sort of let that just be a mystery wait Frank you asked me how I first approached it you know how did you approach it what did you see in the play I mean I read it through yeah and I thought there was jokes embedded in it to me in this amazing way like there'd be this pretty wrought text and then I could see the humor coming through it and I actually didn't know it called for twelve like it was supposed to be twelve women on a train until I saw the description for this event after I'd already started working on it but I was taking sort of like that first list the me, they like I saw that they were like to me for the purposes of this and like there's five things get denoted there so five people will take on this braid like move through this like braid this text together but I think because there's an amazing braid reference in that text itself so that feels really neat it's my tattoo as well ah a little oh yeah it's amazing hand drawn kind of thing yeah so it was I mean it was it's a play I mean this would take a lot of time to meet because the resonance is because I love that it's not a normal plot and that really works with my brain I mean that this feels way more true to what emotionality and connection and memory actually are and well made plays try to box that up into some prescribed social thing that's not even right in the first place right so this is like much more real feeling but it then requires a lot of like how do you bring out resonances how do you stage this how do you then track energy in a room for me at my approach just something like this to call that out and that requires a lot more time than could be really done for something like this but so then it was like in a quick way what kind of clear reading and like approaches that are simple to do and put onto it allow to feel where the text moves between itself and where whatever kind of relationships the varying speakers less on the page because I didn't have time to fully do that sort of work frankly but the speakers that once we I came to sort of an intuition around in the these five speakers of this text what becomes their relationships and how do we break that up based on a logic we just created that I put on it then tested out with them and then very quickly we were like okay made a few small changes so it was just making the world of it for literally just be here and put its own and that's what I mean potentially it could be the wrong logic but we it that sort of play really allows so much space for a new logic to be braided into it and by logic I just mean something that holds it so the six of us could communicate in order to present that today you know what I mean feel like we knew at least what we were doing in the fast time we work on it so yeah Seba how did you see the reading that came through to you I'm always fascinated I saw like Daddy loves you and already a few versions and for me it's always fascinating and somehow even difficult to see like a new body that is carrying this shame and expressing this this stench that comes out like as a result of holding shame for so many years it always touches me and I always I always cry as well because and for me somehow the indication the actresses in Gorky they always tell me we can't invite our mothers to this piece like you your mother your mother is in Israel she doesn't understand a word from the piece that is really being played in Gorky once a month at least in German so she would never understand the word but our mothers want to come and I said that I feel that this is the right the right way to stand on this stage with this play if you're really afraid that your mama will be there if you will have to look at her and say it and the epigraph is really incredible always land next to your mother that is the beginning of the play we all as soon as we read that everyone felt like they really knew little math in German and this is a quote by Sascha Mariana Salzman it was like you try you think that you're going to write about something but you'll always lie a land next to your mother very very very true very true before we come to audience questions why do you write for theater and what do you think theater can do I think that I I think that I will try not like I will try to to write prose soon as well because sometimes I feel that theater just the fact that we are sharing time and space and I can't I don't feel I don't share like this Jenny idea of like taking for hours of people's time like I really do somehow don't do it because I don't like always to experience it unless it's like extraordinary important but I really think that I live and breathe and think theater because I write for a space for a body for a quiet audience and I write in this like into this conflict that is like lying in between them I really think that when I'm cut like when I'm writing I speak all the time as you ask that before I think that I'm writing into the mouth and into the brain of the actress or the actor and by that I really try to to create a certain relationship like between a nude body and exposed body on stage and like a well-dressed well-covered by darkness audience that is sitting somewhere and this nudity I see as a weapon and as a way to resist and this is something that I can't achieve like with just writing into a page and communicating you know everyone that will communicate with me through the soul like somewhere on a sofa this is a kind of a jail we want to escape everybody I will leave like maybe I would just like go and leave but no basically it's hard to leave it's like an action it's performative you will be the one that stands and like and all the men here for example yeah it's like I will be like the papa that goes and everybody like with this it becomes performative me staying or me leaving it's a jail that we share and I like to be in these days where I don't really believe that people really read at least most I think most of the people don't read anymore books so I like to be in this space and make sure that they listen yeah I think too much brush the German writer said they should be just nailed they should not be allowed to leave when it gets complicated but maybe Michael put some light up and on the audience and we also take some questions from you we don't want to steal too much time just because we always have great great audiences here at the grad center the seagull center and baby say briefly who you are we have a microphone because we also live streaming it through howl around which is the great national organization that supports theater so thank you and please maybe say your name my name is Judy thank you for I really enjoyed it by the way as someone who is probably your mother's age I'm going to tell you that you should definitely invite your mother I would not kill my child if I heard this but alright so I just really have a question I mean you said your native or your mother tongue is Hebrew so I'm wondering why you did not write it in Hebrew and I'm wondering if it was if it has been translated into Hebrew no of course not it will not be translated to Hebrew because somehow I believe in killing my darlings but like in Germany so without them knowing about like they're dead but they don't know but yeah it's it's a good question like with the language I guess that it's a question that I deal with constantly I think that if and when I will write prose I will try to deal with Hebrew again which is not so easy for me these days but for theater like the area of battle of this of conflict of urge this space that is on fire and is based on the like this tension somehow like always to add my struggle with the language into this equation and like to just fight and be vulnerable in front of the language as well so basically I don't think that I write like with fancy verbs and more with images and rhythms I write music and I think that by writing in English I'm somehow getting far from cliches of and from habits and decorative habits that are appearing in my writing when I write in Hebrew as Beckett said exactly as he said it's like better to write far from from your habit than your and find yourself like in a place that is vulnerable enough and like yeah thank you the question or comment yes I'm also your mom's age I'm a writer myself and it's very awkward to write things personal things that even my children I have the same problem that you have wanting to expose and really use a language to say things that you're not supposed to say I think it's an obligation as a writer you have to break that contract with politeness and just get through it so I think it's marvelous that you're choosing a second language like and that's one comment and the use of incantation was really that carried us it was almost like a liturgy but it wasn't a Hebrew liturgy it was more like a Latin liturgy which was quite interesting so I just wanted to say that I think sometimes that the language or the writing in English it functions I think for me as a second veil and sometimes I think that I hide it from myself I write and I'm like not paying so much attention because it's in English it's not like digging in me like Hebrew is digging in me and my ability to pass my borders is somehow higher like I just don't notice it at the moment No, I seem to be going Hello, Aaron McShlough When you saw it on stage for the first time how did it look compared to how you envisioned it? To say the truth like I'm not so busy with imagining stages and staging I'm really not not so I mean now an artistic director from Zurich like she told me I think that your text is a stage already like your text doesn't really need a stage, it can be nice sometimes to add a stage and like you know some would make it more situative some will make it completely abstract but in a way I agree the text functions already as a full world and then what you add is great for me unless it's total crap but like in general it's okay and in Gorky I think the adaptation was like the stage and the staging was somehow, yeah, abstract but it was like another another piece of this braid that they added they put like these eight chairs that are hospital chairs, half U-Bahn trains trains chairs and like they worked with fluorescence so great, yeah, for me it was good I don't care, for me it's really not the topic it's more how will these bodies stand and be completely naked in front of an audience of a hundred and something people that are all their mothers and their fathers and how to speak to those fathers so they will listen what will happen so this is for me what's interesting and what's important all the rest yeah, this is why I'm not directing I guess see what is a real play what he says who needs directors I have the text yes, which is very unburdened I'm gherky that shows the variety I think also of that place any else, yeah I really loved it I found it to be quite devastating in many different directions and one of them was the utopic visions that you put forth were so powerful and I almost felt like they were spells and I feel like it's really important because they sort of set us free into this better vision for ourselves so that when you take us into the depths of what reality can become and sickness and codependence or whatever I'm sure we're all I know I was projecting my entire other daughter relationship onto what I was listening to it hits us so much harder anyway, I just wanted to say that but I was so curious about the tunes and they were so specific oh also thank you for bringing Rosemary Quinn in to read for that because oh my god thank you so much it was so precious destroyed me but it almost the tunes were so specific I almost felt like they were reading from sheet music and I wondered how how did you all do it well having Rosemary was a real gift and pleasure so that I'm very glad that was just noted and very perfect with this text which we figured out in a very short time together but how truly perfect she was the there was the opposite of sheet music was what was used but the actor Eleanor who first saying sitting opposite Rosemary she I had just worked with her on something and knew she had this really beautiful voice so in these very little limited hours I used the first portion of that was bringing just her in and the sections that I thought could be sung having her just do it and I knew I was going to be and wanted it to be just very simple and earnest and then with the potential that some of these other non singers could then add in potentially a similar thing in this experimental version of what we would try with this so she sort of she established this tone and I was like that sounds very right for the simplicity of this first thing and so I'm glad to hear it sorry to keep asking the hammering this but is it written sing speak sing well those sections are called the queen singing the queens singing what did you had in mind yeah I mean actually in the beginning when they started to sing I was like oh no oh my god what are they doing and oh yeah each time no one will understand no one will listen to that and then suddenly it caught me like really like drag me by the hair like back into the room and suddenly I understood that I wrote the queens singing like for me it was like a lament for me it was like a prayer for me it was like but just the kind of yes something that I put in the title and I thought that is cool and something I found that it did ultimately do for me with these braids was like when the music would go out I could then hear the next text in a different way and since we weren't gonna have this staging and I wasn't gonna try to do it on mics or anything I was like it allowed a bit of dynamics in the text even separate from what singing means like when Rosemary would come in at a certain part that is what we tended to a little bit more than other places of like actually don't sing that line come in here because it started to have again it's logic of what made sense to relieve the singing at a certain point and go back to just hearing the text which potentially if you just had heard the wash of text to stick with that in a certain way with how fast we were gonna work on it we are seeing we're getting closer to the time we have the next 6-3 reading but Sivan what are you working on now what's in your mind in future projects or what would you love to do if you could do whatever you wanted at the Gorky well in general I do whatever I want in the Gorky no really they just allow like they just ask what would be the next topic and it's completely open and free topic wise and of course form wise now I finished to write a new play that is called Love an argumentative exercise it's my first play ever about love I never wrote about love in my life not as a teenager and not as an adult so now I started and it's going to be staged in September but in a different theater so what did you discover when you wrote about love something you can share well basically I meditate around the characters the figures of Popeye the Sailor Man and Olive Oil and I analyze their relationship and I say like it's a love and argumentative exercise as experienced by Popeye the Sailor Man seen by Olive Oil written by Sivan Benishai and then basically I start with a few facts about Popeye the Sailor Man but then of course I spiral and start to dig into Olive Oil her figure, her character as represented like as we know it the relationship and then into her mind it was it was a difficult one well if anybody travels to Berlin if one can see it I'm sure in the fall it will be in Mannheim but yes we can but it will come there I'm sure again I think a big applause for the direction for writing that beautiful song and prayer about meditation about fathers, mothers children and to all the actors thank you for the actresses and the pen thank you all guys