Welcome to the high agency podcast with your host Noah Ravoy. Hello, everyone. The Manasphere is a loose connection of men working together to make men better. In any large group, there's always going to be some sincere conflicting opinions, but also con men, frauds and tricksters who bring out damaging information and creates controversy and other things within the community. And this is going to create a negative impression of the Manasphere. And within the Manasphere, in fact, there are some particularly controversial and I think unhealthy opinions that are put forth. And again, very conflicting often, they often do not have any internal harmony. My friend, David, is here to meet me today. He's a marriage mentor, a marriage counselor. He helps couples to build better marriages. And we're going to discuss some of the issues that he finds particularly incongruent in the Manasphere. And I'm going to try my best to answer him and explain why there's so much disagreement and so much confusion in the Manasphere. Welcome, David. Hi, Noah. Thanks. It's a pleasure to be here. You sound like a very exciting conversation because you're right. I do have, you label them as questions, which is fine. I label them as positions that I've taken on it so far. But that's all to come out together over this next hour. Well, and people have to understand too, you're a man with a lot of experience in helping couples and in relationships. And you've talked to maybe thousands of couples over your career. Probably I would say thousands. And so you're not coming at this from a lay person's perspective. This is not a man. You have to understand if you're watching, this is not a man who doesn't know anything about relationships or has only his own relationship as an example. This is an expert in the field. And so I brought him on today because he's perhaps better than most able to identify what's wrong in the Manasphere. And that's why I said Sins of the Manasphere as a title for this video. Perhaps you could start to bring up some of the things that you find incongruent, that you, some of the positions that you find particularly wrong. Sure. I mean, I wouldn't mind giving a little bit of background just to, because I think that'll help frame where I'm coming from. And we know that somebody's own person, no matter how much I've gone to school and been educated and have a degree and a license and family and marriage therapy, we all know that it's our story of origin, that it's our personal history that really has probably the largest impact on the way we see things.  So I do have to admit that my history is probably a little atypical. I'm 54, turning 54 years old very soon. I met my wife when I was 17 and we ended up getting married at age, when I was age 24. We've been together ever since and it's been one long, continuous journey with her. And so I do have to say that for many of perhaps your audience or the younger generation today, the younger men today, my situation is going to be different. I oftentimes get people asking me for dating advice either on Twitter or they'll make a clarity call to my office and ask me for some dating advice. And I always like to make the joke that I'm happy to help, but that they have to realize the last time I went on a date was over 30 years ago. So things have changed a bunch since then, I know. But that's okay. And so I think my personal history brings something different to the table. How about you Noah, you've been married for how long? My story is similar. I met my wife a little bit closer to the time I married or we met when I was 22, married when I was 23, we were both 23 at the time. And we were married without kids for a while because I was quite ill two years after I got married, I got very ill. And we have three small children now. I'm 42 and we have three small children. And the interesting thing in my case is that right from my mid-teens all the way up to now, I've been giving people dating advice because for some reason people would come to me and ask me about relationships and dating. And so even though I'm not in the dating market, I would go with friends to places where they would pick up women. For me, my father taught me how to speak to anyone. But actually, he really gave me pretty good instructions on how to approach women and basically, you know, walk up to them and talk to them like they're a human being. It's really not that complicated. But I would go with my friends because I have a good way of lightening the mood and making it easy for people to get along when I'm in a group. And so I was always going with other people who were dating and watching them even after I was married. Funny enough, my wife was the matchmaker in her social group. So she was the one putting together couples and trying to figure out who would be good with who. And I think that's part of what attracted me to her is that we shared this skill set of very quickly being able to read people and understand compatibilities and even more important incompatibilities. You can be mostly compatible and have one big thorn in the side of the two of you. And it really can disrupt the whole apple cart. But that's where I came from. And so because I really dated very little, because when I decided to get married, I had three or four women that were interested in me and I basically, and then I was interested in, and I basically said, you, let's get married. I said to me, I don't really want to date you. And I was like, no, we're getting married. Wow, that's a real alpha move. Yeah. And basically she hung up the phone. And then later on she phoned back and said, on second thought, that's not such a bad idea. So we ended up working it out. I came over to Portugal right after September 11th, as soon as the flights opened up again. And then we dated for a few months here. Basically that was the vetting process. I wouldn't even call it dating, it was vetting. I was 99% sure I wanted to marry her. And I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't making a delusional decision. Because I knew I came from a family where my parents were not a good match. They did not get along well. And I don't think they would have gotten along well with anybody, either of them. And so I wasn't coming from a good example. I was constructing the entire experience, like a scientist studying chimpanzees in the savanna, or chimpanzees in the jungle, and trying to figure out how do marriages work, and going at it from a root causes and studying it like it was a foreign language for me, because it really was. And yes, I'd seen my grandparents' marriage. And I had heard the stories of my great-grandparents' marriages, which seemed quite healthy. But it's different than growing up with it. And so that reconstruction of it meant that I had to go and dig deeper and learn more than someone that could just see how it went and say, I've got to copy my parents and do what they did. So I had to really go in from the beginning. Sounds amazing, yeah, for sure. And yeah, it does sound like we have similar trajectories with our kids. I have a few more children than you. But yeah, basically, you've been with the same woman on the same journey since you're basically a formative developmental age with regards to dating and marriage. And so I like the idea. I like the fact that you're saying that people would come to you. So it's almost like you have this very intuitive way of how to connect with women and how to run a home and raise children, which is really great. Yeah, I have an advantage that I have very low anxiety. So if you take the big five personality test, you can find out where your neuroticism is and mine's a three out of 100. So only 3% of the population is less neurotic than me, basically. So I'm so unneurotic that approaching people randomly doesn't bother me. When I was two years old, my father said I'd go and approach attractive women at the mall while my dad and I were waiting for my mom to finish shopping. And I just go strike up a conversation with them. And I was a cute little kid, so they picked me up and I'd be talking to them. And when I ran out of things to say, how many things does a two year old have to say, I'd be like, oh, would you like to meet my father? And they always thought it was my dad's attempt at pickup. So to get a woman and bring her back. But yeah, that was that constant exposure to new people made it very easy for me to just walk up and talk to people. And in fact, I took it one step further in the last few years, and I've really cultivated being approachable. And when I go out in public, people come up to me and talk to me. Wow, I rarely have to go and talk to anyone anymore. If I want to talk to someone, I don't know exactly how I'm doing this, but they'll come and talk to me before I even move to talk to them. And it does have to do with looking at them and smiling and being friendly and being approachable. And if you see the picture of me here, I have a great big beard. But I have, that's not actually the best picture of me as far as the actualness. I do, I do have a way that will making people comfortable. And I'm at the stage now where I get approached by other people so often that it's very rare that I have to approach people, go to the park. And everyone from little children to old ladies to men, women, everyone comes up and wants to speak with me. And it's, you know, I am an English speaking person in a Portuguese country, but it's not that half the people in my town are not Portuguese. So it's not that it's just that I've learned to be approachable. And I think this comes from being very comfortable with yourself. If you're comfortable with yourself, then people will be comfortable with you as well. And from the low neuroticism. Awesome. That's really great. Yeah. So, you know, I started in the hemisphere probably, I would say about six years ago after I graduated from therapy school, got my master's and my license, did my residency or my internship. And I wanted to go take my business online. I thought, you know what, it's nice seeing people in the office, but let's see if I can help people online. So I went on Twitter and I typed in like men's issues or, you know, you know, man and marriage. And I got completely stuck down this rabbit hole of red pill and rollo and all these different things that I really didn't know any better. I was really new at social media for at least for Twitter. You know, I had a Facebook account. I'm an old guy. I had a Facebook account. And it was just really fascinating. I was reading all the stuff and I said to myself, wow, I'm going to like, this is really cool information, hypergamy and, you know, men's rights movement and MGTOW and like, wow, like things are really moving here.  I read The Rational Mail. I started listening to Tom Likeis radio shows. He's just the best. I mean, he was the original RELP. I find it hard to find anything that anyone's added new to Tom Likeis. But he said back in the late 80s and 90s, maybe he was in the 90s. I forget. And the truth is the truth. And it's extremely rare to come up with actually new truth. Right. About relationships hasn't really changed in thousands of years. And coming up with new stuff is not, you know, new techniques to meet new needs. But the basics are always been the same. Yeah. Yeah. And like, you know, then I started watching like Patrice O'Neill video. She's hysterical, you know.  And then I started arguing, you know, I'm a traditional man, you know, and I started kind of like arguing with people online and Twitter and stuff. Eventually, I became so combative and so argumentative that Rolo eventually blocked me. I was like so disappointed. I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm being blocked from this, you know. And at that point, I had enough Twitter followers and I just said, you know what? I'm tired of chasing after this red pill ideology that doesn't really fit with how I see the world. I'm going to develop my own voice. And that's when my Twitter account and my presence and my online practice really took off. And ever since then, I've been deciding to speak up more for how I see things and what I would consider the beauty of marriage and relationships outside of the red pill framing of how men and women, uh, intersexual dynamics is like, as they like to call it. And I think that's a very, I think, I think it's very important for men today to move outside of many red pill concepts because I find them to be in here, many of them, as much as they like to say that they're not negative, I find them to be very negative. And, um, unkind to women and discouraging to relationships. So, and I know that that's the, that's the topic today, and I can give you some examples whenever you're ready. But if you wanted to comment on what I just want to start off by saying, I absolutely agree with you. The, and you're right about going back to the older red pill stuff was more about, Hey, look, I discovered these things about men and women. And there was less conclusions. So there was more, this is a fact, this is a thing, this is a pattern. And then you were supposed to figure out what to do with it.  Now you have to do this. This is the outcome that you have to pick for you. And it became incredibly dogmatic. And that's when it really turned negative. It's when it became dogmatic and you said the right word, discouraging became discouraging for men and especially for these wounded men that come into it with, with their own relationship issues, their own relationship histories, their baggage. And instead of showing them, here's a bunch of facts. This is how you can use it to construct a better life. It was here's a bunch of facts and reasons why you shouldn't trust anybody, especially women. And that, that is absolutely the wrong outcome to cut, to come to. However, that makes men incredibly easy to manipulate and manipulatable men are profit centers. They keep buying new books. They keep buying seminars. They, they will spend time, attention and money on the person that keeps them in that trap. And I think that has happened a lot in the man is fear in the midterm in between those early guys. And I think we're starting to turn that corner where the man is fear is starting to turn against that negativity. But we're still in the early phases of that. Aha. Yeah, I heard that there's a, it's like a X red pill community on Reddit, which I thought was interesting. So I think there is, there is some, you know, movement away from the, a lot, some of the ideologies. I'll give you an example, one that I just made a YouTube video on the other day, before fresh and fit or fit and fresh kind of jumped the shark as we used to say back in the day. They would always come out, I think Myron, are you familiar with the fresh and fraught or whatever it is? I mean, yeah, I've watched some clips of them because there were people that I was interested in, happened to be on the show. And so I'd watched the clip. Yeah. I mean, they're, they're, they, they ran a good podcast. I mean, I have to be honest, they're very, very entertaining, very entertaining. And you know, I like Murray Povich for, for red pill, Murray Povich for 2021. Yeah. I said, I said, I said the same thing.  I was just sharing it with her. I'm just like, it's like, it's riveting how, you know, the, the crassness and the craziness and what you hear.  It's like, how do you compete? You know, and it's no wonder we need more, we need more, what essentially look like hookers on our show. Yeah. So one of the lines that they always say, which I just came out with a video, kind of like a reaction video against it was, you know, women love opportunists, opportunistically men love inherently. So the idea behind that phrase is that women are always out to get something from their man. They have these long laundry lists of, of things that men need, and they're looking for money and for resources and for things that go beyond what a man is looking for in a woman.  And they would, the women on the show, when, when he would say such a thing and give examples, you know, would you marry a man who makes less than you? Would you marry a man who's shorter than you? Would you make him marry a man who couldn't protect you? You know, it would be embarrassing for the women, you know, and they would try to like crawl out from underneath this phrase, this phrase or this concept. And Rolo would always comment underneath that this, this phrase actually came from him. So Rolo would always come on the show and like, you'd see him in the super, in the chats and this and that. So it is a real red. He was behind that show. What was that? He's the brains behind that show. Oh, he was the brains behind the show. Okay. You know, and my point is an example is that they always try to tell the women, well, this is just a fact. It's just the way it is. This isn't anything negative and that's cool. Like, and the women knew that it was negative and they're feeding young men this concept that women love opportunistically and that men love innately or inherently or intrinsically or, I forgot the exact word, but the idea was that men love for who she is, not what she does or what she provides. I find this to be a, first of all, it's a, it's, it's not just a backhanded criticism. It's a horrible thing to say to anybody that they're opportunistic in love. Okay. That's, it's, it's, this is the message that they're giving to hundreds of thousands of young men that women love really only in a manner of opportunism. It's gross. You know, that's number one. And number two, to say it to another human being to suggest that to another person to tell the woman this is also nasty and rude. And then the third thing, which is to suggest that this is normal or just the way it is, or this isn't an insult to me, feels like massive gaslighting. You know, and I mean, do you have a comment on what I've said so far? Absolutely. You know, what is interesting about all of these, I would call Sins of the Manisphere, is that they take a kernel of truth. They distort it to the point where the original truth is almost invisible. And then they use it to manipulate people to get an outcome that they want. So that's what they're doing when they ask these women the questions they're trying to get outcome they want. Yes, women do have practical needs from men. Of course they do. You know, my wife needs me to provide certain things for her, just like I need her to look after my children. That doesn't mean that she's opportunistic. That means we have a partnership. You know, if you started a business with someone and they were providing some of the services you're providing the others and you needed each other to run the business, you wouldn't say your business partner was being opportunistic. They were just being a business partner. They were working with you. That's what a partner does. Exactly. They take these little half truths and then they extrapolate a result that doesn't line up the reality. Exactly. Now, it's easy for the men watching this to believe that because the vast majority of the fans of these kind of shows are men with almost zero experience with women and the experience they do have is with women who are opportunistic.  And if that's all you have experience with, of course you'll think women are like that.  So I never see those women. So for me it's like, I guess they're out there somewhere because I have clients occasionally that come to me and they're like, yeah, I was dating this girl and they'll explain and it was a horror show. But that's the exception. That's not the rule. That is broken women. Looking at broken people and saying this is normal. This is how it should be is undermining civilization. It's undermining relationships and it's keeping all of their viewers in a perpetual state of helplessness. I think it's evil. I agree with you 100%. I think you've said it really well. I should have had you join me on my reaction video. I said something a little, I added a little bit to that, which was that in the same way that it's a partnership, I mean men have standards as well and needs. So I gave the example at least on my video. I said, if you knew in advance, so let's take a look at it from the women's perspective for a second. You're asking, you're not to care about your income, about your ability to provide safety, provide security. You're asking you're not to do any of those things because that's of course opportunistic. She only has to love you for who you are exactly like your inner character. I don't even know what that even means, but for some reason they're expecting women. They act as if men only love women for like who they are and their relationship and they find them cute and they want women to love them for who they are the same way. The men don't love women like that. I could bring you the most beautiful woman. I could bring any man that's in the red pill or any man in the world for that matter, the most beautiful, funny, lovely woman in the world, but there's just one caveat.  So she wants to get married, maybe you'll adopt kids, but she will never have sex. She can have sex, but she never will. Are you going to marry this person? No, you're not going to marry her. Right? So obviously there are exceptions that people like, there are examples of men that have married paraplegic women and things like that, but the vast majority of men. They usually still find some way to have sex. That's how important it is that they'll find, life finds a way, as they say, they're going to find a way. Yeah, exactly. Looking after each other's needs is what people who love each other do. And more than that, men have requirements. We have baseline things that requirements that we're going to want from a woman that go beyond just liking her personality or liking for her, for who she is. She has to provide some utility and service to us. Otherwise, we're not going to marry that person. And it's the same thing for women. We like a woman for her personality. That doesn't mean anything. That sentence doesn't mean anything. What do you mean her personality? What aspects of her personality do you like? Now, if you get down to it, the aspects of the personality that you like are essentially providing you with things that you need. I met my wife and before I had any emotional attachment to her, before you don't meet a woman and love her in 10 seconds. It doesn't happen that way. I noticed things about her that made me say, this is a woman I might cultivate love for. I saw how she took care of her friends, how she was deeply concerned with her friends' happiness. And I saw how she was attractive and physically fit and was a sexy woman the way she moved and talked without being crass. She was classy, but still sexy. I saw certain things about her. I still had no emotion about her at the time. When I saw the things, the practical things I needed out of the wife, then I said, I can let my heart open up to the possibility of wanting this woman. Yeah. I've had to come first. If you're a man and it goes the other way around, so basically what they're saying is men are driven purely by their emotions of how they feel about women and are devoid of logic. I also thought that was a great insight, because I also felt the same way. It's almost as if they switched in the guise of trying to be red pill masculine, they actually demonstrated the exact opposite, that men are nothing but sexually driven, emotional pieces of tissue paper in the wind, whereas women are logical, practical. They're not just animals. They're not just animals operating on basic instincts. Yeah. They pretty it up with words like, you like her personality or you think she's cute.  She's nice to you, essentially. That's incredibly insulting to men. It basically is taking all agency away from men and saying that they are animals. I find that incredibly undermining to men. The kind of men that are watching this type of videos that they produce probably are lower in agency to begin with, so they identify very easily without you and I watch them and go, what is going on? This isn't how men think. The guys that are watching this though that are making the positive comments below, they go, this is exactly how I think or I should say this is exactly how I operate because it's not really thinking. They identify with it and that's dangerous because that's not a healthy way to live. If you're a man and you're making your relationship decisions based on your emotions, you will never have a happy relationship. Right. So that's one example. Should I give more examples? Yes, please, please. I wrote one today, which I thought was pretty interesting. No, I literally can go on for hours about this, but I wrote one today that I thought was pretty interesting. I've been watching Kevin Samuel's videos and not just that. Again, this is not just a new thing. Like you said, this red pill kind of philosophy has been going on for a decade or so, maybe more, maybe two. One of the things that Kevin Samuel likes to talk about, if a woman calls up and says that she is no longer going to be having sex with men until she finds the right one or she finds a husband, this and that, so he gives it to her over the head. Like he really lambastres what you're not a virgin and why would you be holding out and why would a man date you if he can't get what he needs and you don't even think about what's important to him. I could go on. There's a whole script that he uses when a woman shows up and people call Kevin Samuel's not like the godfather. Like he's like the head of the red pill movement on some level. And you know what?  He actually has a pretty good way of approaching people. The thing you mentioned is the biggest flaw in his thinking and it's a perceptual issue.  If you're a virgin, part of that is sex and that is you've given loyalty and respect to your father.  Now if you're not a virgin, you don't have that. But what happens is that then leaves people with no solution to their problem. Now he's asking sometimes the right question but that conclusion that you can't keep a man you won't have sex with, that's exactly the problem that women fell into in the first place. Now if you got yourself into trouble with a certain behavior, continuing that behavior isn't going to get you out of it. If you overeat and get fat, overeating more isn't going to help you lose weight. You got to go on a diet.  Totally. And I agree with what you're saying. But what I find most ironic is that you flipped the page in the Red Pill community and then you... So Kevin is all for these women continuing to be sexual because it's already been given to somebody else. So why are you withholding it from... Right? He's a single man. It's self-interest. Well, could be. I'm not going to... It's not... And I'm not saying this as he's a bad man for that. We all tend to speak in our self-interest and married men.  Since we're stable, building stability on top of that increases our stability. More married couples increases the stability of our marriage. A society that's more pro-marriage is better for us because we're married. If you're not married and you want to have access to women, promoting abstinence isn't helping you. And so it's natural that a person is going to promote what is in their interests. The problem is is when that doesn't line up with what's true. Yeah, but it's not just that. My poking fun is also that... There's probably, I don't know, I want to say 10,000. I don't know the exact number, of course, but an enormous number of videos, Red Pill content that talks about women who continuously have sex with men. There's no pair bonding and they can't... Their number count is through the roof and they lose all their value for the streets. So it's like, on one hand, here comes a woman saying, okay, I don't want to have sex with men until I find the right one.  So then the other half of the Red Pill community says, oh, she's for the streets and she'll never pair bond and their number count is through the roof. The whole thing is just... The left hand doesn't know what the right hand's saying and both of which are... Like you said earlier, it's a problem that a woman who's had relationships can't solve. And what are you banishing this individual to never have a love life in a romantic life ever? I find it very derogatory, demeaning and negative and it's nasty information to fill up a man's head with. No. Yeah, if you're familiar with one of the manipulation tactics called push-pull, you basically tell a person conflicting information and you tell them that you have to conform to these rules, but the rules conflict with each other. And the person can't conform to those rules and especially women are very eager to please. And yes, even modern women are very eager to please. And if you don't sign them, they're eager to please you. That's because they're not eager to please you. It doesn't mean that they're still not pretty eager to please. And they're here trying to go, wait a minute. Well, what should I be doing? Well, what tends to happen is the brain shuts down and the person becomes incredibly open to suggestion. They just do whatever they're told basically. And it's been used in brainwashing. It's been used in political concentration camps, that kind of stuff to break people down where they're giving these conflicting rules. Let me see that a little bit with the current pandemic. There's some of that in there with conflicting rules and things that don't make sense. And these are generally like, I can't help see that as manipulation tactics. Now, I don't think they're always intentional. I think people are sometimes operating unconsciously. But that is a manipulation tactic. When you tell people that they're screwed if they do, they're screwed if they don't, there's no way to solve this problem. You're putting them in a position of helplessness where they are then very easily manipulatable. And we already have a world full of manipulatable people. We need to reverse that trend. We need to help people learn to avoid manipulation and take responsibility for themselves.  And it's the best thing that she can do. I don't see another solution for most women. Right. And I agree with you in terms of the women's perspective. And also, what irks me is the pile on negative mentality that you're feeding young boys. And it's almost like any angle you look at a woman and she's being demeaned. And what really bothers me the most is that this is guised up as help. This is dressed up as some helpful advice and speaking the truth. And like you said, there are bits of truth to it. We could talk for hours about many of the things that are truthful. But in my opinion, it's so distorted that I'll give you another one that I just wrote about also. This was a couple of days ago. But a joke is made when women show up and they say, where have all the good men gone? And then they say, I'm independent. I have a good job. I'm not looking for a handout. I am not looking for your money. I just want a husband who loves me. There's tons of Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter videos of women who are coming out and saying, where have all the good men gone? I don't need your money this and that. And so reaction videos from the Red Pill community are, no one cares about your money. Your money means nothing to us. That's not what we're looking for. You're trying to project what's important to men onto women. We don't care about your money.  Your money doesn't mean anything. Fine. Okay. So instead, you have to be fit, feminine and friendly. So then a woman gets on. You have these other videos where the woman gets on.  I want a husband who works and provides. Okay. And then the Red Pill reaction video is, okay, well, this is a gold digger. Look at how women are only interested in your resources.  She wants to do nothing. So it's like, if she comes to the table saying, I can provide everything, I don't need your money. Oh, she's just projecting. She has no idea what it means, what men really want. You don't really care about what men really want. But if she comes to the table saying, well, I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I want to have a traditional family.  So what's a woman supposed to do? I mean, there's only two options. Either she brings money or she doesn't. You know, sometimes it's the same channels making both of those reactions. What it is is it's men who see it's a little bit different when men like you and I talk about this. We have zero interest in these women sexually. We've switched more into the father mode where we're more concerned about them because we want them to go and find some stability and be happy. Because as I mentioned before, for married men, greater stability in society means safety for our children. It means a society that will provide a better future for our children. We have a big stake in the future now. Well, for the men that are complaining, almost always anonymous, you very rarely see their actual face. When you do, there's a few of them who are married, sometimes to women who are career women making a lot of money and they're upset about this and then they're taking this out on women in general. But what happens is a lot of times these are men complaining about women they could never get and all they want to do is this is the cake I can't eat so it doesn't taste good. That's what it is. It's sour grapes. Yeah. Well, I can imagine that. I think we have to look at it. This is why we have to be careful who we take advice from. If you're a young man and you're taking advice from other young men who haven't successfully negotiated a relationship and had children and at least been a few years with their spouse, you're taking some might be great advice. I have guys that I train young men that give really good advice, but they're giving my advice, which my advice is ancestral advice. It's from our ancestors. It's what always worked. It's not even my advice. I didn't invent relationships. They existed long before us. And when you start to try that when you want to make content, you have to you have to invent something new. You have to be controversial complaining cells.  Okay. And they want to hear whining and complaining. They don't want to hear solutions. Can you imagine if all of these videos said, look, be a better man and you'll have access to better women and you won't end up with women with these problems? It's not their fault. It's your fault because you don't qualify for the better quality women. Can you imagine if that's what the video said? Right. Well, I want to just, I want to comment on that. And this is an approach that I like to take on Twitter and in my blog and some of my videos that most of the problems that men have with women are appropriate problems that whose function is to create, to turn you into a better man. See, I'm not a big believer in toxic women per se in women. Of course, I'm a mental health professional. So I know that there's a small percentage of the population that has a diagnosable disease. I get it. That's my profession. But in general, especially having been a therapist for so long, most of the issues that couples come to me with, when I say most, I mean like 95, 98%, there are issues that are solvable issues within the context of a committed loving relationship if you want to put it in the work. And so many men pathologize the difficulties that they have with women or they say that's a certain type of women or those women. I don't believe that. Again, there are the rare narcissists that walk into my door or the rare borderline personality disorders or the rare women that need some or men that need some sort of medication, rare. But in general, the couple's problems require effort, work, a humility, self-awareness, the willingness to change, the willingness to be humble, the willingness to learn. And a lot of people are not ready or don't want to put in that effort, and it's easy to point the finger at her and say, oh, she's this or she's that type of woman. In general, I don't believe that at all. I believe that the problems that women bring to you are specific problems that are exactly what you need in order for you to grow into the man that you can be. And once you become that man, that exact same woman with those exact same problems aren't going to be problems anymore. Yeah, and I do think there are some women with and men, of course, but some women with an inability to properly connect in the relationship, which means they're not willing to do some of those work you said. And not again, that's also something that can be dealt with. That's something they can learn how to overcome.  And so they end up being insecure and insecure women or unhappy women, unhappy women end up making everyone around them unhappy as well.  And so it's different, I mean, at least they're still alive at the end of it.  She's testing your fitness. That disappears.  You know, she sees how those men look up to me, how they respect me. And she says, Hey, if he can lead those men, if he can fight those men and work with those men and do projects with those men, and he has their respect, they have his respect, then I don't need to test them. They're already testing them. But most men are so disconnected from their own masculinity and from any kind of a group activity or masculine activity that they can't demonstrate to her that they're fit.  I don't think this was a problem for our great great grandfathers, because men worked with men, men led men, this was part of how they operated. And so she didn't need to do that. This is more of a modern soft society problem.  And I love your explanation. I do think it's important for men to lean into their masculinity and to have male friends and to take on the role of an advisor like you have. And I think that definitely helps men.    And it's been that way, that's been one of the driving forces of the success of the civilization of the world, starting from day one.  And it's a tough job. You know, I'd rather be the guy than the one. There is definitely some truth. I will, I will agree there's some truth to that. And here's a great modern example in India. They've had a real hard time. You know, you don't normally buy a pre-made house there. You have a plot of land and you build that house until you're in your late twenties when it's finished.  And maybe it's not even finished. It's half finished.  So he's installed the plumbing. Don't say yes to marriage. And all of a sudden, when this caught on really well with women, because this is going to give them privacy and other things, you know, safer or less diseases, all this stuff, it caught on really well with women. And the number of homes, new homes being built with plumbing went from about 20% to 70% in a couple of years. Great. You know, demands drive civilization.  And we're perfectly fine to be uncomfortable. And I say to them, you know, if it was just us guys, we'd be living in a cave in the wilderness, you know, shitting out of doors and wiping our but a leaf and that would be civilization. Like if men just spiraled and just split into two and now there's two of us and there was no women, we wouldn't have a civilization. Men created civilization so that women could go to the washroom indoors and could have a safe place to sleep that was warm and could raise children in peace. We created civilization for those reasons, for women, basically. We don't need civilization. I love being out in the wilderness. It's great. Oh, yeah. That's very, very true.  It's just, you know, an refrigerator, you know, and that's pretty much it.  And I believe I did one of my, I have these good morning God, good morning world tweets that I do every day. And one of them just recently was about the divine feminine, that the purpose of the creation is for men to create a dwelling place and a civilization for the divine feminine, which actually represents God's feminine energy. And that's what the whole, that's what, that's why they say Judaism is a feminine religion, because ultimately what we're trying to do in the Jewish religion is to create a dwelling place, a home for God in this world, which is what the role of masculinity is all about. I want to share a comment from one of the viewers, and this is something I hear from a lot of men, and I think, I think we'll have some interesting things. This is a really common in the in the Red Hill community in the man is for a real common comment here. It's appeared down in the bottom of the screen. And men will say I've got basically that got my act together. And yet I still am not finding attractive women that are also put together and well sorted out psychologically. That's a great question. And it's it's the same question that a man would say, I've got my university degree, and I still can't get a job. Or I have money and I still can't find anything to buy. Is that the fault of the market? Or is that the fault of the person operating in the market? Oh, yeah. And the dude's fit. He's working out five times a week. Okay. Can I can I ask that person a question? Is he if he answers, I'll pop up the answer below. Go ahead. Okay, cool. So I first of all, I feel your pain. And that sounds really horrible, because it sounds like you're doing all the right things. And you're not getting the results that are commensurate with the energy that you're putting into it. So, you know, you have my empathy, not that you need it, but I definitely feel for you. But let me ask this gentleman a question. What's wrong with trying alternative means of meeting women, instead of apps, as we all know, the apps are, like you said, a dumpster fire, or whatever his exact language was. Yeah. What's wrong with meeting women in a more old fashioned way? And I'd be interested in his response, you know, not telling him what to do. But what's wrong with meeting women, going up to a woman, or approaching a woman, you know, in a Starbucks, or being set up by friends, or even using professional matchmaking services that can get with men and women of like minds together. What happened to all that? Is that gone, or?  You know, if I got single guys in my group, I'm always keeping my eyes open for young, attractive, feminine women that would match with one of my men. And like, so are all the other married men in the group, because we want the married, the guys who are still single to get married. That's generally most married people want everyone around them to get married too. So, you know, we keep our eyes open for our friends, we care about our friends, we keep our eyes open for them. Being in groups like that, so many people are very, very isolated from friendships from, they're not in a church, they're not in any kind of a group where they're meeting people, and it leaves them with very few alternatives besides the dating sites. That's, I think, really the root cause of it. You're right, Dave, the bump. Yeah, I just, again, and I respect young men who tell me that approaching women today is taboo or will wind them up in jail or, you know, like, I don't have, like, because the last time I went on a date was 30 years ago, but I do hear of people, and again, it's not necessarily PUA, I do know that I personally know plenty of women who would appreciate being approached or introduced through friends. You know, I think that people need to put these dating apps down. It is a, it must be one of the most deflating and defeating feelings for a gentleman, a young man, especially when it has his act together, to be on these dating apps. My son, who is very successful at what he does, he's, he made a lot of money in the stock market. He's very handsome, and he's got a beautiful personality. He put himself on a dating app just as a joke, he doesn't use them, but he just put it out there because he was traveling somewhere, and he did it for one of the startups that he works for, and a couple of the people in his group had to put their profiles on these dating apps, so there was a girl in his group. She got 3,000 hits that first week. She was nothing, she's nothing to write home about.  Yeah, that's a big ratio that I see. I've had young ladies between like 18 and 23, and they put their stuff on a dating website, and she says, I'm getting 200 messages an hour. I don't have time to deal with it. It was over, like the problem for women is that it's an overwhelming and mostly low value amount of attention, and for men it's an incredibly underwhelming and humbling experience. I swear I talked to more interesting women just going around and hanging out where women are by accident than if I was focused on meeting women on a dating site, and the thing people don't realize too is when you're in a group, when you're on a dating site, you are an individual separated from all culture, reality, and friends, and family. You know, it's not really you.  You've got people there that are helping you. It's a completely different type of interaction. Totally true, and not just that. When you're out with your friends, you're already milling around with people who share common values and common culture, so you've already narrowed down the possibilities of women. You're not going to get, if you lean more towards the right and you're hanging out with your friends, you're not going to get some very lefty feminist that you could match with, and that was just an example.  I get it that a very, very wealthy man might not want to date a very poor, back to the days of England and stuff like that, a very poor woman and vice versa, a very wealthy woman might not want to date. There's good logistical reasons for that. If you are very wealthy, knowing how to live that way and understanding, both my wife and I grew up very poor, and I have to keep reminding her that we're not poor anymore, you don't need to spend an hour to save $5. Okay, just spend the $5. Forget about it. We're not more times worth more than that. It gets, that situation multiplied by a thousand when you're dealing with the difference between poverty and extreme wealth. I understand it. There's logistical reasons for it, and I think the ability to manage intergenerational wealth is developed intergenerationally. It's really hard to marry into a family like that, but yeah, not only that, you can do background checks on people. When I met my wife, that's the first thing I did. She was in my church, but in another country. I had the elders in my church, only elders in her church, and get the low down on her, what's she like? What's her reputation? I wouldn't go and date some random woman I met that I had no way to do a background check on her or have some sort of social connection outside of it. And then here's the other thing. People can be really good at deceiving, not necessarily intentionally. They deceive themselves too, but it's really hard to deceive an entire group of people. And she can deceive you a little or you can deceive her, but your friends are going to see right through it because they're not interested in that the same way you are. So they're going to see through that and they're going to say, yeah, I know she's probably telling you what you want to hear. Um, you know, this isn't what she was telling people before last week when we met her, you know, and so you'll often end up with these overlapping social circles. There's a real power in that. But when people have interlap overlapping social circles, most of the deception disappears because people know you can't deceive because everybody knows who you are. You can't pretend to be somebody else all of a sudden. Right. Why some people like going traveling to meet women or vice versa women to meet men because they can pretend to be someone they're not. You can't do that when everybody you know knows her and vice versa. Well, you know, listen, I would be interested in hearing from younger, younger men, you know, who are actively trying to find women what some of their challenges are meeting them. You know, and hearing from their perspective, like, you know, is it, is it the other the other day I was driving through a Starbucks was about a year ago. And I was driving through a Starbucks just through the drive-thru. And the barista that handed me my coffee leaned over and she reached out over through the window and she handed me my coffee. And I noticed that she had the most spectacular eyes I had seen. They were like these some reason they were like this amber yellowish hue. And I was like, wow, this is really unique, like gorgeous, you know. And I told her, I said, you have the most beautiful eyes. And, you know, I'm much older than her.  Then she turned to me, as I said that she said to me, she just kind of sighed. And she said, thank you so much. I needed that today. You know, and it was like this very connecting moment between two strangers. And I guess I'm curious as to know whether or not that's even a possibility today anymore, or people just are so involved in electronics or so afraid of me too, or just won't do that, you know. Yeah, that fear of me too. Now mind you, I'm living in Europe, so it's a little bit, it's, you know, five, maybe 10 years behind the US in social patterns. But I've never, no matter where I've been, I've never been afraid of that me tooing stuff. I assume that all social interactions will go nicely. And I assume it to such an extent that it's like a reality distortion field. It just happens. So I never have any problems with people.  That's a nice shoes you buy. I don't know, complimenting people constantly in moderation. But within five minutes of meeting me, I will almost certainly compliment you on something. And I do it so organically. And I'm not like, I don't have a checklist in my head of things I should do. I'm just being sociable. I'm being normal. And while not normal, I'm being sociable. Unfortunately, modern normalism is very sociable. I'm being sociable. I'm showing the kind of manners that I was taught by my great grandparents. They're basically the ones that taught me manners. So I've got 120 year old manners. And I just treat people like they have a lot of value. No matter how much value they have, I treat kids that way. You know, I have, I've had a few kids that I've known for some years and they'll tell me they said the thing that I always loved about you, Noah, is that you treated me like I had value.  You know, some of them have grown up, not known them for 15 years. And they went from 10 to 25. And they'll tell me this, I've had some of the parents come back and say, my kid absolutely loves working with you. And I said, I did some projects with children in education and things like this, because you treat him with respect, whereas the teachers he goes to don't, they treat him like a, like he's an inconvenience in the classroom. And that just treat people, all the people you meet, treat them with respect. And I think this comes from the fact that I have a good understanding of who I am. And I have a good view of myself. And so I, there's nothing I'm ashamed of.   And all she's doing is reacting to that energy you're bringing to it. You come, like, you come into the situation like you're supposed to be there. Like this is the only natural place for you to be. And that talking to that person is completely healthy and normal. You don't get bad reactions. That's very reaction I ever get is someone ignoring me because they're too shy to reply.  And that's no problem at all. Right. Right. Yeah, I love that confidence that that really makes a big difference of friendliness and openness and the confidence and then the, the, the, like you said, the shame or the negativity of sexuality kind of goes away. Yeah. Nice. Well, and one of the advantages that you and I have is because we're married, when we do approach women, we don't have, I want to have sex with this woman on our mind, like not now, not in the future. It's just not going to happen. And so we're approaching them differently. And this is the problem with a lot of young men. They're approaching women, they find attractive and they're so focused on the end result of having sex with them that they're starting to treat them like a sexual object instead of first trying to make some connection with them. And that works on broken women, actually, that does work on broken women. It doesn't work on healthy women. And that's why they have a negative reaction. Well, we're getting around, we've just been over a little over an hour now. So I think it's good to wrap up. Okay. I'd love to talk to you another time and cover things maybe, maybe on your podcast, things like hypergamy and some of the other common things we talk about in Red Pill Manusphere circles and how it's being explained very poorly to people and how, and also how it's being misused, both to undermine men and to demonize women. And I think it's an important discussion to have. But let's save that for another time. Sure, of course. It's wonderful having you on. I really appreciate you joining me today. Yeah, it's been my pleasure. And I love your methodical, very reasonable and rationed approach to these topics. You sound very mature and well thought out with the way you presented how to view all this stuff. And you write, it is a sea of confusion. And yeah, good for you. And your audience is very lucky to have somebody who can bring them this information in a way that makes sense in a more realistic and loving and relationship centric manner. Thank you very much, David. And if you're looking to contact with David, you can see in the, not in the comments, in the video description below, there's a link to your link tree where you can contact him, where you can set up a meeting with him if you want. If you are having trouble with dating, maybe come to me if you're having trouble with relationships, you can go to David. And we're people with a lot of experience. This is what we've done for ages. You will not get the same quality of advice from a talking head on YouTube, because you'll get dropped in person or even through video, one-on-one communication, that personalized level of coaching therapy, whatever you happen to get, there's real power in that. Totally, totally. And, you know, sometimes when, when couples come to me, it's, sometimes they, they've been influenced, oftentimes the man has been influenced by the, by red pill, you know, ideology. And what ends up happening is that, you know, he ends up digging a deeper hole for himself in the relationship, because he tried to implement some of the red pill stuff that he heard online. And certainly within the context of a loving, committed, connected marriage, there's almost no room for that attitude, you know, within those walls. You know, it's a totally different thing. So for sure, I agree that coming to somebody with experience and relationship and centric is definitely key. Excellent. Thank you very much. And you can contact either of us using the links below this video. Thank you, David. And I hope we can do this again sometime. Certainly, certainly. I'll talk to you later, Noah. Bye. Bye. Thank you for watching our video. And I hope it inspired you to take action in your life. Please subscribe to our channel and like this video to get more agency building content. The real secret sauce is in our newsletter. Click on the link in the video description below to sign up. I promise I won't flood your inbox and anything that we do send you will be of high value.


Good morning, John.  And at first, you love the thing. It's an amazing thing. The greatness of the thing is so inspiring. It fills your tank so much that you hit the ground running and you sprint for weeks, maybe months. And during that time, you never even question its greatness. But then, maybe a couple of the things that made the idea so great feel a little less great now. Maybe some of the initial fuel that was feeling you runs out. Maybe the world changes in totally unnecessary and ridiculously annoying ways that make you feel less enthusiastic about it. Then you have to decide maybe even once you're like three quarters of the way through the project, if you wanna keep going. Like, you're still doing it. The default state is to just keep doing it. And so it's hard to stop. But it seems at this point, a little onerous. Like, you're not that excited about it anymore. And maybe you'll say, okay, let's just stop. Or maybe you'll say, I don't care if this isn't fun anymore. I decided to do this thing and I'm ding-dong gonna do it. And that's not like good. That's not stick-to-it-iveness. That's not perseverance. It's stubbornness. It's simply saying like, world, I don't care if you don't want me to do this. I don't care if nobody likes it. I don't care if it's not a good idea anymore. I said I was gonna do this thing and you can burn down around me, but I'm going to keep hiking up this hill even though it's hot, even though I don't like it, even though I'm not sure why I started in the first place or what I'm gonna see when I get up there. But then, even when you're being driven by pure stubbornness and not any kind of relentless fortitude, not the hustle that everyone says you need these days, but just because you said you were gonna do it, then maybe you find something. You find something new, something interesting, something inspiring. You learn something about yourself. Even if you should have given up long ago, you find some insight or the world changes again and the idea becomes good. And then you'll be like, see, I did it. I was relentless. I stuck with it and it was worth it. I knew it. Even though everyone told me to quit, except it wasn't your genius. It wasn't your relentlessness. It was just that you were stubborn and you got lucky because it's just as likely, maybe even more so, that this sprint that you started out on but the world has been screaming at you, saying day after day, week after week isn't really working is only gonna get more sticky and laborious as time goes on. And then the people who are watching you publicly subject yourself to this foolhardy task will shake their heads and say, what are they doing? What are they doing? And the only response that you have, the only honest response anyway, is I said I was gonna do it. I started doing the thing and I can't stop. And once I have done it, at least I will have done it. And that will be something. It'll be something. What's the right thing to do in a situation like that? Don't come to me because my answer is do it. Just do it. I just keep going until you're done. As long as there is an end date, as long as it's in sight, keep going. Even if it makes no sense, even if you don't really like it anymore, you never know what you're gonna learn out there. You never know what you're gonna see. And at the end, at least you will have done it. Anyway, John, this is just something I've been thinking about, not really applicable to anything in my life right now but certainly something I've been through before. Maybe it'll be helpful to you or somebody else watching. Good news, the second episode of Bizarre Beasts, if you're missing that here on Vlogbrothers, is up on the youtube.com slash Bizarre Beasts YouTube channel. It's hosted by Sarasuda and it's about the Watson, which is one of my favorite birds. Also, Oran's favorite YouTube show, SciShow Kids is coming back. You can find it now at youtube.com slash SciShow Kids with hundreds of episodes we've already uploaded, but new ones will start going live on Monday. And finally, James from Journey to the Microcosmos just got a new microscope and it's so beautiful. It made me cry. John, I'll see you on Tuesday.


And welcome to another episode of Ukulele Songs of Hawaii. My name is Walter Kawaiiia, your host for today's episode entitled The Pure Voice of Moloka'i, Raiatea Helm. Raiatea Helm, born on the island of Moloka'i, birthed onto the Hawaiian music scene at the ripe old age of 16. Barely two years later, her debut album, Far Way Heaven, earned critical accolades and thrilled Hawaiian audiences. In 2003, she became the youngest artist ever to be named Female Vocalist of the Year by the Hawaiian Academy of Recording Arts. Since then, Raiatea Helm has received seven more of the Academy's prestigious Na Hoku Honohono Awards, plus two Grammy nominations. Concert tours have taken her beyond Hawaii to a multitude of mainland venues and throughout Asia and the South Pacific. Raiatea frequently performs at festivities dedicated to traditional Hawaiian music, always seeking to expand her musical prowess. Helm, in 2017, began her academic pursuits towards a degree in music at the University of Hawaii. Raiatea knows that with this added direction, more greater musical knowledge and awareness in all aspects and genres of music, new opportunities will open for her. Well, folks, lots more to talk with Raiatea Helm. Aloha, welcome to Ukulele Songs of Hawaii. Aloha, how are you? You look so gorgeous in that poor kenny kenny lei. Mahalo, I'm so happy to be here. Well, thank you very much, Raiatea.  Ah, almost, almost. Well, let me ask you a question. So since our time is brief today, I think our viewers would be most interested in what's happening in the life of Raiatea today. So with that in mind, may I ask you to share with us this new quest of yours to pursue the academic side of the music world. I find that very interesting. Well, you know, in 2002, I graduated from high school in Moloka'i, and I decided to pursue my career in music with the support of my parents. You know, even though education was the most important thing, I felt as though that I wanted to take advantage of that time to learn in the Hawaiian music industry. And so they supported my efforts, and it was a pretty fun journey, you know, since 2002. And then just recently I decided to go back to school, and it's always been my dream to have a degree, a college degree. And so I'm entering my junior year, excuse me, in the fall of 2019, and I've been learning a lot. So it's exciting, you know, challenging though. I'm listening to you talking, I can only imagine knowing what your professional schedule must be like.   And then when I graduate, I'll be able to, you know, focus more on the career again, but in a different way, enhancing. Excellent. So that leads to my second question. I think, and I share in this experience myself, being a musician and being trained by, you know, legendary iconic Cajau Under Lake, of course, our viewing audience, you know, my relationship with Raita extends beyond Raita. Her uncle, the legendary musician and activist who we all came to love was a high school classmate of mine at St. Louis High School, where we were handpicked by Cajau Under Lake to be taught in that brand of music. And so George and I became buddies, you know, forever. I mean, we really became close, and we also shared working careers at Hawaiian Airlines, playing music together. And through that opportunity, I got to meet Raita's family, you know, and her dad, Zachary, I can't help it. Every time I say your dad's name, I just, it sends me back to times when I first met these guys at Molokai. We have to do another show just to talk about my experience when I first went to Molokai. Too funny. It's too funny what those, her dad and George, play tricks on me at the dinner table. But anyway, it's important to know the, you know, the music theory and for the reasons why we play certain chord progressions in certain songs. And so what I'd like to ask you, I think mostly for a younger audience that, you know, younger kids that love music and want to potentially pursue that, whether it be a vocation or an application, why is it important to understand that music theory? Well, I believe, you know, you have different types of musicians, artists. You have singers, you have folks that play different instruments. But getting to really know your gift and making sure that you can have the malama that give, you know, you have so much time to understand your role and what you need to do to maintain and manage it.  I listened to Nina Kelly Vahmana on the Song Contest in 1999. And the school's were honoring of IE calls. And that was the first time I've ever heard such a beautiful female voice in the Hawaiian language. And so I videotaped that hoike and I would listen to it over and over and over again. And thankfully, dad taught me the chords of pua tuberose. And that's where it all started. You know, I pretty much mimicked and, you know, later on, you create your own style. Sure. But then with Western, you know, training and theory and all training, you get to really know your gift and how to take care of it. Because a lot of us, you know, when we perform, we don't get to know our voices. And sometimes we ruin, you know, our gifts because we don't know the proper way to preserve the gift. So that's one of the most important reasons why I wanted to go back to school. It's good for you. You know, for my own experience, I remember with, you know, Papa K, you pretty much, you know, to your uncle George and myself and uncle Wayne Reese, we were the trio. Right. Basically in those days, and we were like, what, 16, 17 years old, he would just give us a song. Here's your part. Here's your part. Play this chord, play that chord, play that chord. That was it. There was no reason as to why just do it.  And so it just went for 25 years and we just, you know, added to the repertoire, never really worrying about needing to know why we're doing this, why that, you know, how do you arrange parts? How do you arrange chordal progressions, et cetera, et cetera? Until the day came, and I think it was, for me, it was 1997. And I had an opportunity to teach. And then all of a sudden, I realized that how am I going to do that? You know, what if they ask me a question, a music theory question? I don't know the answer, you know? And so that's when I realized I had to kind of do what you're doing now. And, you know, I didn't go to formal schooling, but I had to learn music theory. And I appreciate the learning curve that I had to go through, at least for me, and my experience. And maybe you can share with us how it's working for you, because you said you're in your junior year. For me, it allowed me to, if someone gave me a song right now, I'm very comfortable to take it and arrange it. I have, you know, no problems with that. And I think that was important given the fact that, you know, I'm out there teaching students that brand of music. So that was my experience. You know, what are you hoping to acquire? Well, when you have a person like Havana Lake, the guy is a genius, you know? We come across those people, you know, once in, you know, hundreds of years.  And it showed. You know, it showed through the music that you continue to perform, as well as the songs that Uncle George sang. Oh, yeah. You can tell. But I think in this time, you know, it's a different generation. And we do have the resources to learn from outside, vice versa, you know? So I, you know, I'm enjoying, I'm enjoying this new chapter that I'm in. It's, I'm not for sure what, you know, the future would be like. But I can say that now I'm realizing my purpose in music. And hopefully I can, you know, take that as motivation and learn as much as I can, you know? And education, you can't go wrong. I like what you're saying. It reminds me of, you know, that you're never going to be satisfied no matter.  And the reason I say that is because and people viewing this know what I'm talking about. Here you are at age 16, you know, 17, 18, you come onto the music scene. And who at age 16 sings Huatuba Rose? Nobody.  But, you know, you're carrying the torch and singing the same music but speaking to a much bigger audience. At least that's how I saw it. And I think a lot of my peers felt the same way. And so we were happy that someone of your generation was willing to pick the torch up, so to speak, of that kind of music, you know. Because, you know, when you think about it, during that period of time, you know, there was contemporary, there was all types of genres of music within Hawaii. Absolutely. And to have you come onto the scene and just take it right back to its roots, you know. Mahalo Nui for that right there. Thank you. And a lot has to do with my upbringing. Growing up on Molokai, my family, the connection that I have with my grandmothers, you know, Grandma Helm and Tutu. We're going to talk about them in the second half of the show. Yes, I can't wait. You know, we've got a special picture. I can't wait to do it, too. I can't wait. Well, let me move on. So, you know, I guess we answered question number three.  And I think you kind of just define that because as you gain the knowledge, it will. And that's the answer. Finding who I am as a musician, performer, artist, all of the above. Well, I mean, this is off the script, but I got to tell you, on behalf of the people of Hawaii, thank you, Mahalo Nui for being, you know, rooted in Hawaiian music and, you know, being the example for that generation and generations to come. Thank you. Okay. So, I'm going to ask this question and we have two minutes to break. I want to touch on your participation as the female vocalist with the string band revival and the sovereign strings. And I'm referring to an article just the other day. My wife and I were headed off to the big island to Kohala to participate in the Kamehameha Day celebration. And we're reading the Honohoa magazine, the in-flight magazine for Hawaiian Airlines. And there she was. The current issue had featured the sovereign strings. And I found it very interesting and informative to read. And so when we come back from the break right here, I'm going to have you share with our audience what was it like. And so sovereign strings, if I remember correctly from the article, is really the definition and opening the doors of what Hawaiian music was like in the 19th century. So we're talking about the 1800s. And so right here, we look forward to your sharing with us that experience and what kind of, you know, how did that make you feel as a musician? Well, where I think our break time is just about upon us. And my name is Walter Kauai, your host for Ukulele Songs of Hawaii. And our guest, our special guest artist is Raietea Helm, the pure voice of Molokai. We'll be right back. Aloha, this is Scott Perry, and I'm the host of Let's Talk Hawaii at Think Tech Hawaii. In this show, we're going to be speaking in English and Japanese. And I'm going to use my 30 years of experience to help many Japanese viewers improve their English skills, as well as learning many interesting things about Hawaii. You can catch my show every other Tuesday, 3 p.m. Hawaii time. See you then. Aloha, I'm Dennis Wong, a host here at Think Tech Hawaii, a digital media company serving the people of Hawaii. We provide a video platform for citizen journalists to raise public awareness in Hawaii. We are a Hawaii nonprofit that depends on the generosity of its supporters to keep on going. We'd be grateful if you'd go to ThinkTechHawaii.com and make a donation to support us now. Thanks so much. Aloha, my kakou. My name is Walter Kauai. I am your host today for Ukulele Songs of Hawaii. And joining me is our special guest, the pure voice of Molokai Raita Helm. So just before our break time, we're talking about this article I read in the Honohua Magazine. Talking about your participation as the female vocalist for what was called the sovereign strings. Can you share with us what that was all about? So a couple of years ago, I met Apuka Asing from a very talented family of Popakulea as well as Kalawahine. So Apuka introduced me to a luthier by the name of Kailen Rees, who has a shop over in Kailua. Nice, nice guy. And he discovers this story of a man named Mekia Kyalakai. And it all stems from this Martin guitar that was made in honor of Mekia that Elvis Presley played, Jimmy Buffett played, and nobody knew that. So it was a part of history that kind of was a little hidden. So Kailen puts together this group, this ensemble of talented musicians, and he asked me to be a part of it. And it all comes from the love that I have for Lina Machado, the songbird of Hawaii. And Lina had a beautiful relationship with Mekia. So Mekia Kyalakai was under Henry Berger during Queen Liliuokalani's time. And talking about music and the Kalakawa dynasty, a lot of different sounds from all over the world comes in. And Kalakawa as well as Liliuokalani, Like Like, Lileo Hoku, they're these sponges. And I mean, could you imagine being a part of a time where people are coming to the islands and influencing us with all these different instruments and sounds and dances? And then Hawaiian just recreates this beautiful sound. So during the late 19th century, you have this movement. And then during the overthrow, there's a group of traveling musicians that go outside to San Francisco, to the East Coast. And in their sovereignty movement, they share music. And being that it was a challenging time for them as their identities is being stripped away from them, the music and having that fire behind them, they create this beautiful sound that everyone in the world is listening to and being just enamored by these Hawaiians. And so I didn't know about this part of history. And I always question myself, where does this, you know, where do these voices come from, you know, the sounds and the sounds that I make when I sing. And, you know, when you look back at the history of our music, it's so rich. And it was such an honor to be a part of this project, this movement with sovereign strings. Well, they picked the right person. Well, you know, I really enjoyed reading the article. I mean, I knew more in a general sense about the music of that era, just because of the tremendous European influence, you know, you think of Henry Berger from Germany, and the kind of music that was introduced at Nalani Eha, the four royal composers. I mean, classical music. So what Raitia touched on is, you know, Kalakaua, Liliu, Ikelike, and Liliu Hoku, the four royal composers of Hawaii.  And so I'm imagining, as you're sharing this story, thinking of these Hawaiians. It's a string ensemble, yeah, guitars, ukulele. Right. And how difficult it must have been for them, because the overthrow, yeah, and they're traveling over the world how their hearts must have been sad, and what the emotions they must have been feeling. But yet, they didn't allow themselves to let that stop them, and they continued to push and push and push. There's a lesson for Hawaiians, all of us today, that regardless of the challenges that we face in the world we live in today, that we must never let that prevent us from doing what we know is right to do. And again, mahalo to you for almost, okay, not 20 years. I won't say 20 years, 18 years in the business for Raitia. So by the time she graduates with her degree in music, I want to go back to that thought in music. And she didn't say it because she's humble, but I'll say it. Because the time is going to come because it happened to me. We reached a certain age in our musical career that perhaps we were being real with ourselves. Just by virtue of age and time, we not be able to physically perform like we were 40, 50 years ago. And so what do you do? Well, I can tell you what's going to happen in your case. I mean, we hope that you never retire from singing.  And teaching is an invaluable tool because you need to, and I'm going to pass this responsibility up to you. You need to start thinking about looking for someone if you haven't already thought. And put yourself in that role. You have to start thinking that way.  And so because I think he knew that it was going to take him the rest of his life to get us established in whatever, you know, so you should start thinking about that. I'm sure that's part of your pursuit in getting your education. But I feel that, you know, in a sense, we all have a kuleana to contribute in teaching because in each generation things change.  And the folks of the previous generation has the kuleana to make sure that we maintain, you know, our culture and our identity. Our identities as Hawaiians.   Mentor. Go mentor someone. All right, we have our time is running out like I said at the beginning of the show. So I'm going to ask right here to grab her ukulele. Okay, got it. And quickly to introduce, we're going to play this song and maybe for the engineers out there, if they can you guys throw up on the screen this lovely picture that we had of right here, I think it must have been a, well, that's her family. So there's, you want to tell our viewers who they're looking at right now? Okay, so we're actually in Kalamaula on Molokai. And that's where my dad, the one with the hat grew up. He was born and raised on Molokai. That's grandma Helm next to Brada where daddy is holding Brada. Grandma Helm is from Hanna, Melanie Coco, married George Helm Sr. And then they moved to Molokai because, you know, they received Hawaiian homestead. Nice. And on the other side, while you have my oldest brother there, Carlton, in the middle. And then my mom's carrying me.  Oh, really? Okay, good. Well, sometimes I look like my dad. Some people, yeah, it all depends. And then my mom is from Kaua'i. So that's her mother Olga Puolani Kali of Hanna Pepe. So you know, this is a special image. And I just recently thought about it and having my grandmothers around, you know, growing up, although grandma Helm left us in 98 and tutu left us 10 years later in 2008. But I think of them all the time. And I know they're looking and they're very proud of what you've accomplished. Well, we're running out of time, folks. I think we have about a little over three minutes. So we want to do this song. Right here came to me a number of years ago, and she wanted to do a song and learn more about Uncle Kay.  Yeah, her last CD. And I hear it all the time against a lot of playing time. It's the song is entitled Kaua'i. It takes us to the island of Maui and it speaks specifically about the Lake Family property up in Puolani, Mauka of Kaua'i. So we have it rehearsed this, but we're going to try. Yes, let's go for it. Have it right here, Helm and the beautiful Kaua'i. Well, our time is spent. Mahalo nui again. Nui nui mahalo to you right here. Thank you for joining us today here at Ukulele Songs of Hawaii. I'm your host, Walter Kaua'i. Until next time, aloha no.


If you live or work in Wales, you are welcome to become a member of your local credit union. Your local credit union is a trustworthy financial institution offering accessible, low-cost financial services to all of its members. Your local credit union helps its members to take control of their money by encouraging them to save what they can and borrow only what they can afford to repay. Let's hear what members across Wales think of their local credit union. One of the main advantages is that it's local. If you want the affordable credit from a sort of reputable lender or just to my safety to keep your money, I think it's just an extra option for people. It's a safe, reliable way and if you want to take out loans and borrow, I recommend the bed in my van. Each credit union is independent, community-driven and works in its own way. We are going to visit five credit unions in Wales as a quick glimpse of the credit union's role in Welsh communities. Each credit union will present a different service, scheme or community initiative to give you a taster of the services that your local credit union could offer you. To give you an example of how credit unions work with the local community, we are going to visit Laser Credit Union in Swansea, who are proud to present their junior bankers scheme in conjunction with Communities First, Cridefelling Primary School and the Lil Group. Welcome to Laser Credit Union here in Swansea. Laser means Loans and Savings Abertawy. So I'd like you to welcome to our premises, but I'd like to tell you now about our junior bankers. The word banker at the moment in time is not a very, very friendly word, as you can see on the television, but if you ask our seven nine-year-olds in year six here at Greigwellin Primary School, who last September decided that they wanted to be Laser Credit Union's junior bankers. This project came about from a simple comment from one of the children. And as you can see by everything that's gone on this morning, it's not just the children's idea. The whole community have got behind the project. So we've got the ladies from the Lil Group giving up their time every week to be volunteers. Then 6.80. They take on different roles. We have some of the children that are responsible for counting the money and taking care of their receipts. A lot of the children actually take the money off the savers, and I think that's a really important part of the scheme and why it's been so successful. It's that contact between the older children and the younger children and the conversations they have. It's like going to their own bank. I'm a member of the Laser Credit Union and the main advantages are you can save in the local community and you get into a routine of saving. My 10-year-old son, Blaine, was diagnosed with autism last year and he's been going through some bad patches with school, but he's just recently become a member of the Laser Credit Union and the bank and he looks forward to coming to school every Wednesday because numbers are his thing and he enjoys working with money. It makes him feel good. We're going down the line of business, entrepreneurialism, et cetera. It's easy to save and take your money out. It's much more difficult to know what to do with your money and that is what's happening here as a result of what Alison and Julia are doing here with your children. If you start a young age it's easier when you're older and then hopefully when you're older we become real bankers. 20 years after the inception of the credit union we are in a fantastic town centre, high street premises which is second to none. Now we are heading to Cardiff and Vale Credit Union to find out how its payroll deduction facilities at local employers have helped members to save each month. What we're good at at this credit union is our payroll saving scheme. All our members can save or borrow. We have links with almost 20 large local employers where employees can save hori pay loans through their payroll. Our members can save any amount through their payroll just as little as £10. We have some members who are paying over £100 each month. We have a lot of long-standing members, some of which have been saving with us for over 10 years. I work for Cardiff County Council. I'm a member of the Cardiff and Vale Credit Union. I've saved £10, I've saved £50. It all depends on my circumstances and what I want to save for. I've saved for holidays, I've saved for a bike, I've saved for what goods which I've purchased through the credit union and the co-op. The credit union pays dividends every year and this year it's actually more than my current account so it is worthwhile saving in the credit union more than my bank at the moment. We went to Newith Housing Association where we were available over the lunch hour in the corner of the office to welcome new members to join our credit union and then this is the payroll deduction order form so you just pop in how much you want to save each week or each month. You can increase it, decrease it as you want. I'm going to be putting away £30 a month just as a sort of buffer but you know it is something there that when it comes to Christmas I can fall back on a little bit. I've got my mortgage with Ashley Banks, normal bank accounts but I've dealt with the credit union in the past through my job so I know that the work they do is good and I'd like to support that really. If you wanted affordable credit from a sort of reputable lender or just to my safety to keep your money I think it's just an extra option for people. First you'll just take £30 a month out now. I'm going to be saving £50 a month. It'll be set up now by the next pay packet so it'll be very quick and efficient. I'm able to get something out of it by saving and putting money back into the community to other people who might be struggling financially to be able to get loans competitively and safely as well. We're available online, over the phone, coming to our office in Cardiff Bay or we're also available throughout the community in Cardiff and available in Morgan where members can sign up. Smart Money Credit Union's partnership with United Welsh Housing Association has helped to develop a community-driven service that benefits both members and tenants. We've had a partnership going with Smart Money Credit Union for approximately five years now. It's been incredibly important for us to have this partnership and it's been of mutual benefit to both parties. A lot of the customers that Credit Unions are looking to help and to serve are our customers as well and there are huge benefits by helping these people become more financially aware helping people to save and manage their money holding down their tenancies for long periods of time by putting the Credit Union at the front it's really helping people to make the right choices and decisions. I became a tenant with United Welsh approximately three years ago and as a tenant with United Welsh I was invited to a fund day and that's when I found Smart Money, my local credit union company with people being able to pay the rent and everything and accessing accounts and so on and it really does, it's good that they work together it's a good promotion for both of them really. I saved last year for my son's wedding I was absolutely fantastic so really really pleased that I was able to access that straight away and then generally it would just be for things like maybe sorting my garden out or if I was stuck maybe with repairs to my car something like that and I know I'd be able to contact them and I wouldn't have too many problems. From our membership we have around 11% of United Welsh tenants as members and they've benefitted simply because there's the offer of the low cost loans which means they don't have to go to the high interest lenders or illegal money lenders they've got the opportunity to save in a safe and secured place they've got a friendly welcome when they come in it's a community business they are part owners of the business therefore they are helping themselves and as well as helping the communities. A lot of people these days are struggling financially and I think if they've got somebody friendly and affordable that they can go to then it really does help everybody's situation and as far as the relationship with United Welsh is concerned if you are a tenant with United Welsh then they've got somebody on hand that they can recommend, that they can liaise with and so on that they really will help certain situations. Financial inclusion is a massive issue in Wales it affects everyone in so many communities you have the housing association sector, the credit union movement all looking to make an impact here and working together just makes so much sense. The partnership has been a tremendous help to Smart Money Credit Union it has helped us increase our membership and raise awareness and I would just hope that that would continue for the foreseeable future. If you're interested in opening up an account or to apply for a loan please call into our office or contact the office by phone or for further information visit our website for opening hours www.smartmoneycreditunion.co.uk Next up is Gateway Credit Union where we will find out about the benefits of borrowing from a credit union and how its website allows its members to calculate loans and track repayments online. Welcome to Gateway Credit Union I'm speaking to you from our head office in High Street in Pondipawl we've been around since 1997 offering savings and loans products for the people of Torfaen and Monmouthshire We can lend anything from £50,000 to £7,500 with the credit union there's only two states of loan you either get the loan or you don't get the loan if you get the loan you will pay that interest rate there is no representative that's what you pay and there is no arrangement fee there's no penalty for early resettlements if I find a way the greatest demand is Christmas loans then it's holidays If I want to borrow money to go on holidays or buy furniture or anything like that I have a loan and they pay it back The loan was for a washing machine now that's paid off I'm going to see one and take the family on holidays My guest-off went so I just had a loan for the guest-off If you say oh I'm quite fancy a loan I'll go to those nice people at the credit union so you log on to a website and it's clear it says loans go on to the loans, yes I like one of those think oh that sounds interesting what was that actually going to cost me there is a link to a loan calculator that brings up another little window people are going to enter in the amount they want to borrow the frequency they want to borrow and the time over which they want to borrow it we've had the ability for members to log into their accounts online for about four or five years now they can log in and check their balances where they've got the same accounts and we'll give them the last ten transactions we have a loan assessment panel which is made up of paid staff and volunteers the steps to granting a loan are you filling the application as accurately as you can we then have a quick look through it to ensure that all the details are there and we've got everything we want to make a decision that information gets pulled together and then the assessment is done Members would pay the loan by cash and sometimes check increasingly people pay by payroll with payroll deduction schemes that we've arranged with local employers it's a safe, reliable way and if you want to take out loans and borrow I recommend the bed and my van to me it's very nice too very helpful it's a lot cheaper than the bank and for people who have difficulty getting loans and for saving this place is much easier I'd recommend a credit union every time so there you have it that's Gateway Credit Union this is what we do we'd like to think that if you're on benefits or on a low income or even if you're on a high income paying a high rate of tax there's something here that would attract you and I think we've got product and services that would be attractive and give you an alternative to other high street offerings all the information you need is on our website this is our current account which allows members to set up standing orders shop online and withdraw abroad using a Visa debit card hi welcome to North Wales Credit Union this is the office in Clabden in No Junction we used to have five separate credit unions in North Wales but we decided to merge so we've got the office here in the junction which is brand new and we're going to be talking about current accounts thank you and a nice shop as well with our current account you've got your benefits and your pension paid in you can then set up standing orders and direct debits and withdraw money from cash machines with a debit card like this one you can purchase items in shops purchase items on the internet and purchase items over the phone with the current accounts you can set up standing orders and direct debits to pay things like your rent, your mortgage and your general utility bills you can also use the card to buy your weekly shopping and our members have found it very useful to buy other things as well because a lot of my family are in the credit union so the people that advise me to use it I use it a lot for my child's money and savings and then the loans as well it's really good the interest rates and things on it I've used it for things like buying on QVC and shopping channels things like that when I was in business I used it as a business account but now I'm retired so I just have my benefits and pensions paid into it our members are able to use the current accounts abroad they have to give us prior notice to tell us what country they're going to if a card is used abroad without setting up the fraud procedures the card will be blocked so people have to tell us first of all I went to Spain, I used the card for paying for a meal for instance and then drawing money while we were there and anything else in the supermarkets or anything like that it's really useful to open a current account you need to be a member there's a simple form here to fill in and we need photographic ID and proof of address we then send all the information off to the cooperative bank and hopefully you'll receive the information within two weeks if you'd like to pay cash into your account you can do that at any of our offices and you can also pay in at the post office if you have any queries you won't be going through to a call centre you can phone us in the office or you can come in and have a chat we've had positive feedback from our members who have appreciated the personal service that we provide it's more friendly it is more friendly I hardly go into my bank and I'm here nearly twice a week this is more like a unity thing it's not like a business it's not trying to make money out of you they're more trying to help you to find out more about our current accounts or to find out about our charges you can visit our website phone us up or visit one of our offices credit unions in Wales are continually developing to provide financial services to benefit their members and the local community for your local credit union please visit findyourcreditunion.co.uk or phone 0808-129-4050