Buddy, we're here for Recovery Monday episode number 48. Today we're gonna do some Q&A questions from the Instagram crowd. So everybody on Instagram that's here today that posted a question on my Q&A post. Thank you very much. We're gonna talk about those questions today. So let's get cooking. Let's get the chat overlay up so everybody can see what each other is saying. My screen blanking software is off. Everything is ready to roll. The mic seems to be working. Apologies for the high pitched wine. Like the last couple of live streams. I had a cable problem, believe it or not, that I just recently diagnosed. And yes, there was a little bit of a wine on there. So no, did not have tinnitus. The problem was with my gear. And it took me two weeks to figure that out. No high pitched sound today. Yes, I figured that out. I just had to re-plug my cables in. Who knew? Sometimes you just gotta unplug and plug. So how's everybody doing today? And we are going to have a friend of mine who's gonna pop in too. She's in the green room, I have a green room. Very fancy, extremely fancy. So we're talking about that. Before we get cooking though, I'm gonna remind you of just a couple of things. And that is that actually on Wednesday, this coming week, I'm doing my webinar. So in two days with Joanna Hardis, bit.ly slash tolerating distress. If you wanna learn more about that, get every month. Tolerating distress is an important part of the recovery process and that's been going really well. I wanna remind you that there's this stuff too. So if you wanna follow along on a lot of the stuff that I'm doing, you can go get my books at the anxioustruth.com slash books. If you don't have my books and you wanna follow along with all that stuff. And, you know, all the good stuff. I gotta pay the bills so I'm gonna do that. So how's everybody doing today? First time to catch you live. Hey, Annika, how's it going? Lisa's here. If you're coming from the Facebook group, Restream will not show me your name. I'll just see Facebook user. So sorry about that. I won't be able to see your name. Hello, UK. YouTube isn't working for me. YouTube seems to be a little bit behind, but I do see people popping in from YouTube. So I guess it's working to a certain extent.  So I'm gonna put some questions up from the Instagram crowd. But before we do, hey, Tally, has it going? Joe, what's up? Let us bring on a friend. I think a lot of you guys probably know her. Here she comes. There you are. Hey, Lily, good to see you. If you guys are not familiar with Lily, Lily is here. I will put her up on the screen. Lily is one of my friends that I dig on Instagram because her content is just always so educational, psycho-educational and informative. Welcome. Thanks for coming on today. Thank you. I'm excited. And this is really, I've never seen it. I'm impressed. Yeah, this is all new. Now you're cutting in and out. So you might want to check that.  If you need to pop out and come back in, that's okay too. But if you got to plug stuff in, whatever. Making it up as we go along. So it's all good. So anyway, as Lily gets stuff prepared, I want to see where everybody's coming from today. Yeah, Lily's cool. Lily knows the deal. Lily makes the most entertaining and psycho-educational reels. I have real jealousy when it comes to Lily. You're custom made for it. I have a lot of jealousy for it. Can you hear me now? Should I go? You're in and out. So you're working, but your video is good. Your audio in and out. So we'll give it a shot.  We'll make it work. So we'll get it cooking. Anyway, everybody is here. Houston is here. UK is here. Just listening to you with the dare girls. Oh yeah, Julia. I did that with Michelle and Aida. That was a couple of months ago. So I know they put that up in the dare podcast that was interesting to do. Ireland is here. YouTube is fine for me. Fort Myers, Florida. Lily's going to come back in. Let's see if this works for us. See if that's any better. You might have plugged in a mic or something. I don't know, a headset. You could try that too. Oh, you got a mic. Okay. No, you're in and out. You're speaking, but I can't hear it. I can't hear half of your words. Sorry. Oh yeah. Yeah. All right, we'll see how it works out. Anyway, let's pop in. We'll pop some questions up on the screen and we'll see if we can make the tech work here. So what do I have to put up? These are questions that I asked on Instagram. So I got a few that we can kind of pop a work on. So Lily and I will try to take them. The first question is a health anxiety question. And it is, how do I distract myself when I'm in physical pain that constantly reminds me of my worries? To me, the key word there is distraction and whether distraction is what we're really looking for. So Lily, you wanna start on this one and see what your thoughts on this? Well, first of all, I just don't wanna go. Can I do it on my phone? No. You can. You can do it, try it on your phone if you want because I'm getting every other syllable. I'm gonna plug this. I mean, we don't need it. Just try it on my phone. Yeah, you can try it on your phone. It'll work on your phone. I'll be back. Okay, sounds good.  Sorry for the technical problems, but I'll take this one. How do I distract myself when I'm in physical pain that constantly reminds me of my worries? I think there's two things in this. Number one is the idea of physical pain, which is real, 100% real. I think there's nothing, I would say there's nothing wrong and nobody wants to be in physical pain, but sometimes we do have issues that do cause physical pain. There are physiological issues that do cause pain. And that's no fun and we have to deal with that. But sometimes then we take that pain and we glue it to the anxiety and the worry and the trying to solve and the overthinking and the fear. And that doesn't have to happen. So physical pain, if it's being caused by a physiological condition, a medical condition, an injury of some kind, there's nothing we can do about that, except let's see if Lily comes back in and see if that's any better. Hey, hey. Hi, better? Yeah, it seems a little better on your phone. So we'll try that. Okay, let's see how it goes. So what I was saying about this question is that there are, sometimes there are issues in our life, whether it be injury or medical conditions that do cause actual physical pain and that we have to deal with that. But sometimes we fall into the trap of gluing the overthinking, the fear, the anxiety, the rumination, the trying to fix things to the pain. And they, instead of being two separate things, they become the same thing. It all jumbled up like a ball of yarn. So I was kind of starting there. Have you had experience with this? It's definitely, and I think for me, what comes in as if we, you know, if we're distracting and we think it's something important, that's not really good. If our underlying belief is I need to pay attention to this pain because I need to, like I need to focus on it. If we're distracting, so to me, it's kind of that underlying in, you know, in your ability to like take care of yourself without being anxious, without being hyper-vigilant. So if you just distract yourself, what you think, my God, this, then it's kind of gonna be, well, it's not really gonna work. So I mean, because I'm not saying, oh, there's something wrong with, to me, distraction also can just mean being present, you know, because I know when you and I have, in terms of it's not physical pain, but it can be experiencing derealization and just to continue to do, it's not distraction, but you have an underlying understanding that, okay, it might be in pain, but it's actually safe. It's okay. For me, to do what I'm doing. And I know that if the pain gets so bad, there is something that will say, hey, you know what, I'm gonna talk to my doctor about this or whatever it is. I'm gonna change, so it's really understanding that it's okay on our pain. And then we can, we naturally can engage in life again. Do a podcast or do work knowing that we're not something, that we can still, oh, you can't hear me? It's doing that thing again, where you're talking, but it's only picking up some of your words. I don't know if it's the internet. Yeah, it tells me you have a good connection, but I don't know, it's hard. Unfortunately, it's kind of tough to follow. It's annoying, but I'll go get headphones and see if that makes a difference. I'll let you talk. We'll try. Okay, sounds like a plan. Sorry guys, technology, live, live TV, it is what it is. So I will pick up on what Lily was saying. That is sometimes a situation that says, well, since I'm experiencing pain, I can't possibly handle this. And I'm gonna glue it to my fear, I'm gonna glue it to my uncertainty, I'm going to glue it to the belief that I'm not safe, that this has to be solved. And if I'm in a distressful situation, such as physical pain, it's intolerable and I should not ever be in the situation. But in reality, we can take care of those sort of things. And so you can in the end, handle the physical pain in whatever way that you can medically, physiologically. But the idea that you start from the premise that I have to distract myself from pain because I believe that I'm incapable of handling any state of distress because it will just make me feel incapable, it'll make me feel weak, broken, afraid, uncertain, all those things. But that's in many ways, sometimes it's just part of life. We don't get to not feel those things, sometimes we have to. So I don't think you're trying to distract from the pain, to be honest with you. I mean, so you're gonna have to go with the pain as it's there, it's not gonna work anyway. So I think the first thing that Lily said, which was really valuable was if you think you have to find a way to distract from the pain and it doesn't work because it's really hard to drown out pain with distraction, then it just amps up that whole thing even more. Like this isn't working, what am I supposed to do now? So you're just adding a problem on top of a problem on top of a problem. So let's see, how's that a little better with the headphones in? I see you plugged in now.  It seemed better, I heard your door opening. So let's see, we'll do the best we can guys. Sometimes technology not so great, right? So I think that's a reasonable answer to that question. Okay, good. Yeah, anything else you wanna add to that with a little? No, I think you answered it. I think it was good. Sounds good. All right, let's go on to the next one. Let's see what we get. This is a good question, I think too. Oops, we lost Lily, she'll be back. We'll figure it out. How much window shopping can my anxious brain do? Here she is, we'll pop her back in. We are struggling mightily today. That's all right, we do this every week.  It's not working out so well for Lily. How much window shopping can my anxious brain do? Will it get tired of the rumination and shaming? This is a really good question. And that's the when will it get better thing? So the best way that I can answer this question, how much window shopping, which I love the term window shopping. So this person is kind of looking at her rumination and her overthinking as window shopping, looking for problems, looking for issues to probably solve, how much can my anxious brain do? Well, if you continue to interact with it and unlimited amount of window shopping, will an anxious brain will continually look for things, look for problems, look for dangers, look for threats, look for things that need to be solved and addressed? So my gut tells me that there's no limit to the amount of window shopping that your brain will do with anxious thoughts. Would you agree with that, my friend? Yes, yes, because I think when we think we're gonna figure it out. This is Jess now working out. I'm so sorry, everybody.  I know, not my day. I don't wanna make it take away from you. Well, let's see. Let's see if you're sleeping. I think my phone's not working with this. So I'll try my computer if it doesn't work. Okay, we'll give it an addition. I don't wanna take away. Okay, okay. All right, we'll be here. So I think what Lily was starting to say was, yes, if we keep, we can sometimes fall into the trap where we think we have to be window shopping, right? So an anxious brain is just trying to protect you. Remember, your brain is there to keep you safe and alive, not to keep you happy. That's a common thing you hear all the time. So when it gets into that rut where it needs to just continually look for things to solve, look for threats to mitigate, look for dangers to escape. And those dangers can be so varied. Sometimes they're like more literal type dangers. Sometimes these are emotional dangers, social dangers. The threats could be mental. The threats could be in your relationship. The threats could be career or financial. And if you think that you can't handle that sort of thing or that you have to constantly remain in control all the time of everything, predicting every possible problem, every possible threat, solving in advance, making sure that you stay clear of anything that could go wrong, then your brain can do that forever. It has an unlimited ability to keep looking and ruminating and ruminating. So the way that your brain gets tired of the ruminating and the shaming is to kind of let those things remain unsolved or even unasked, which seems super like, oh, try Lily again on her computer, let's see how that works.  So those questions have to be left unanswered which is uncomfortable. They sometimes have to be left unasked which seems reckless and irresponsible sometimes. And as far as the shame, trying to get rid of the shame with thinking about the shame doesn't really work either. And there's that famous thing that's you know, shame dies in the light. Sometimes you just have to feel that shame to work through it. So in the end, it's trying to not, you have to abandon the idea that you have to try to solve all of the thoughts to stop them, to fix them, to find everything wrong. Let things be wrong. Let things be uncertain and unknown. That's uncomfortable and might feel reckless or wrong but that's the way that your brain ultimately gets tired of looking for those things in the end. Lily, can you even hear me? Can you hear me, Lil? I can't hear it out. No, you're in and out still. I don't know what it is. Well, we tried, took a shot at it. Yeah, we'll give it a shot again maybe next week. We'll work it out ahead of time to see if it works and then we'll get Lily back on though. She'll be all right. Thanks, Lil. Thanks for trying. See you next time. Sorry guys, technology does not helping us today. But let's see. So in the end, the idea that your brain is trying to latch on to all these different thoughts and problems that you have to solve and dangers that you have to, you just have to let them be. So I did a podcast on this called, there was the podcast I did about GAD drivers, GAD drivers might be helpful. The podcast that I did about learning to live recklessly parentheses, but not really is also part of that. But the shame thing is a little bit different animal too. Sometimes unfortunately, shame is just something that we have to kind of bring out and let it be there and work through that. When we try to suppress it, there's a lot of information now and research that's done on shame now that tells us, doesn't really work out. It's better to let bring it out and work through that. But unfortunately, sometimes you can't solve it if you think, well, I need to find a way to think about this so that I don't feel it. The object of the game is really you kind of have to feel it and you have to go through those things. So hopefully that helps. And I'm sorry for the technical problems, but we'll get Lily back in maybe next week. We'll try it again. So let's go to the next question. Well, you know what? Let's go through comments first because that might be better. Let's see, what are people saying about these things? Maybe, let's see, bad connection. Yep, really breaking up. Sorry guys. I have a friend who keeps saying she feels that this doesn't apply to her because she thinks her anxiety is unique and different. I will touch on that for sure. Let me get through the Instagram questions and I'll swap that, come back in and we'll do the other questions. So let's do this question next. And this question, I'm gonna have to paraphrase some of these because I can't put these giant, huge questions on the screen. I step outside whoever and seem to forget this is a person who is working on it, right? Has been stuck sort of indoors. Seems to be agoraphobic, I'm guessing. I have to infer that from her message. And she's saying that once she steps outside and tries to do the hard thing, she forgets everything and it seems impossible to do because the sensations get so intense. And unfortunately, the answer to this question is that is correct, the sensations get more intense and it really stinks that that is the way that it has to go. But you're afraid to step outside because you're afraid that you're going to experience those sensations and the only way to get through this is to understand I have to go and experience these sensations and that they will get intense and my job is to just let them be there.  Whatever sensations I have, I have. The issue here is you don't forget everything, you just are afraid. So that's really different and there's nothing really to forget. So in this situation, there's no, that's why I don't give you letters, I'd have no acronyms, I don't have anything like that. In fact, in two weeks, there's a whole podcast episode and a whole bunch of episodes of the anxious morning newsletter that talk about this, how the program and the steps break down in these moments, there are no steps, unfortunately. So there's nothing to forget. You just have to remember when you're about to step outside or go into that exposure situation, that challenging situation, this is supposed to be hard for me. I'm about to do a difficult thing and I will let it be difficult because I understand why I need it to be difficult. I understand the lessons I'm trying to learn here and I'm going to let it be difficult for 10 minutes. And if I make my 10 minutes and then I can go back in and try to get myself back together, I made the 10 minutes, I'm good to go. So there's not a lot to remember. So it's not like, oh, I forget everything. People say this all the time, it goes out the window. Well, it doesn't really go out the window because you probably have the presence of mind to run back inside, you don't forget that. And really all we're asking to do is not run back inside. So two things here would be don't overcomplicate it. There's not a whole lot to remember other than why am I doing this? What am I hoping to achieve by it? And my job is to stay in these sensations for longer than I usually do. Right, there's nothing to remember. Bethany says, nothing, basically do nothing. Just I need to stay in this and allow it. I have to allow it to do that. So hopefully that helps with that question. I know that people say that all the time. I feel like, I listen to your podcast and I'm reading your books, but when I panic, everything goes out the window. But really I'm not giving you a whole lot to do. I'm giving you less to do. And usually that question means, oh, I'm really hoping that there's some method that I'm supposed to use when I panic or when I get into that really scary situation that makes it easier for me to be in the situation or less scary or somehow gets me through it. But there's none. None of this is instructions on how to do that. The instruction is generally, you just have to do it and you have to let go, surrender, allow, flow, tolerate all the words, you know all the words. So don't forget that that's what you're after here. Not a special way to be less afraid. You're not trying to be less afraid. You're trying to be better at being afraid. And I know I say the same things again and again, but that's kind of the way it works. I'm gonna take this question next from Instagram, which I know you guys are gonna be amazed that I put this up on the screen, but I'm gonna answer it anyway. So somebody asked if hypnosis is helpful and if so, how do you find a qualified person? This is a double-edged sword. Now, anybody who's been following me for a while knows that I have a tendency to say no to hypnosis, but there's a difference. It depends on how you're going to use it, right? So as we go through this journey, we get exposed to different people, we learn new things, people smarter than us in certain areas can teach us things, we have to remain open to this. So I'm gonna tell you that there are clinicians that will use hypnosis alongside all of the stuff that we talk about. And some will say that their belief is that hypnosis is a way to get into a little bit more of a willing and accepting and open mindset, which is what we need. Like I'm going to open myself to this experience. And some clinicians who practice hypnosis find that using hypnosis, which I am not an expert on in any way, I don't even understand it in a lot of ways. But when you find somebody who says, well, I'm going to use hypnosis as part of this process that will sound familiar if you're consuming my content or old people who sound like me, they can use it as a tool in that, where it can help you get into a little bit more of a relaxed state or a little bit more of an open state where, okay, I understand I'm gonna do a really hard thing. Now I'm gonna chill out first and now I'm gonna go and do it. That can go both ways. I've been in conversations that say, yeah, but you don't want the person to get into a situation where they feel like they must go into their hypnotic state or whatever that is called before they can do the thing. So a good clinician will understand, no, no, no, this is a way to get the ball rolling. So it can be used as part of this. It can be a tool as part of the recovery process that you guys are familiar with.  What I don't like about hypnosis are hypnotherapists that undergo, whatever it is, a couple, a two months of training can call themselves hypnotherapists because they can and then will tell you that hypnosis will cure your anxiety disorder. Run from that. So if you want to use, if you find a clinician who specializes in treating anxiety disorders who happens to use hypnosis as part of that? I personally wouldn't have an issue with that. That can work. There's evidently some value in that. I don't know if you guys follow Emma on Instagram. She's Scottish anxiety lady. Wow, I think now she's called the anxiety whisper. She may have changed. So she uses hypnosis as part of her approach to treating anxiety and she's a qualified psychotherapist and I trust what she says. And she was the first one that opened me up to this idea. So hypnosis can be part of the deal.  You can use it as a tool. Evidently it's a good way to induce a change of state and to help you get through some of these challenging situations and face what you have to face. So hopefully that helps. How would you find a qualified professional? And I'm probably gonna catch some heat from this but from what I understand just about anybody can become a hypnotherapist with credentials from whatever school you decide to go to that teaches hypnotherapy. So I don't know how to tell you whether they're qualified or not. But I will tell you that it's always a red flag when a hypnotherapist with no other credentials except hypnotherapy will tell you that they are going to stop your panic attacks or make your anxiety go away or fix your OCD or fix your social anxiety or fix your health anxiety. That's run from that. That is not a good statement to run toward at all. So next one. What should you tell your brain as doing not? Okay, so this person asked the question about the specific context was a person was going to get their haircut. Now for a lot of people watching today, 70 of you in the room now you can understand that going to get your haircut could be a super challenge because you're trapped in the chair, you can't go, you might panic while you're getting your haircut. I get all that, right? I was there. So this person says when they're getting their haircut what should I tell myself? What should I do? What should I talk to my, what should I tell my brain? Doing nothing was increasing my anxiety. And the answer to this is again, correct. That is correct. So that's actually part of what you're trying to do in that situation. When you do nothing, when your brain is certain that like nothing is a bad idea, oh, I'm feeling more anxious. Correct. You need the experience that tells you if I do nothing, my anxiety may peak. It will ultimately, that haircut's going to end, ultimately it is going to come down. And when I did nothing, I still got through this. I did not have to, and I did not have to treat my anxiety or my anxious state like it automatically and urgently needs fixing or evasive action. So unfortunately, what do I tell my brain? And how can I, because I don't want to do nothing because doing nothing made me feel more anxious. Correct. Like you're doing this whole process because you think that you should never ever feel more anxious. That's the whole process is learning that, oh, it's okay if I get anxious. And unfortunately, that means that initially you will experience that anxiety more intently because you're not trying to run from it. You're not trying to stop it. You're not trying to cope. You're not trying to do all those things. So you experience it in its raw state and its full power and learn that, oh, I can handle that, that can happen. So what do you tell your brain? Nothing. Like, yes, this is what's supposed to happen. I don't like that. I don't like to have to tell you that and you don't have to like to do it. I didn't like doing it either. But I remember one of those first times when I had to go get my haircut and it's like, okay, well, this time I'm just gonna do it this way. And that sucked. It was the least fun haircut I've ever had. It takes 15 minutes to cut my hair, whatever. But it sucked, but it was a really valuable experience for me to have. So if you wanna think about what you can tell your brain, think about what you're gonna tell your brain before you get into that. So just like the person who said she gets afraid and forgets everything when she walks outside, the telling your brain and the self-talk and the instruction comes before.  While you're in the chair, there's no whole lot of conversation that should be happening between you and your brain. Just let whatever happens happens. So you can start by saying, okay, I'm afraid to go get my haircut because I'm afraid I might panic. I understand I have to go and experience that anyway. This is going to be uncomfortable. This is going to be scary. This is going to be really difficult. These are the things that I fear, but I understand why I have to do this and I'm going to be as open as I can to this experience and do the best I can. The conversation between you and your brain is then over and now you have to go and do the thing. And when you come out the other side, the conversation can begin. Man, did that suck? I hated that, but I'm okay. But I'm okay. Didn't like it. Would don't want to really do it again, but look, I'm okay. I did it. So really the conversation between you and your brain is before and after. And yeah, Tally, I don't know how you guys do it. Big long hair where you're in that chair for hours. Respect. Don't know how you do it. Anyway, hopefully that helps. Let's see here. This will be the last one from Instagram and then we will, I'll see what was in the comments here. Did panic attacks and anxiety cause you to have gastrointestinal issues? I'm answering this because I said, if they asked questions, I would answer it. Yes, of course, many people. Now I, me personally, I'm not, I'm not a big anxious stomach guy for whatever reason. That's just not the way my body works. So I was never the person who had to run to the bathroom or got nauseous. That just was not me. But, but I'm probably unusual. Like I was more of a breathing dizzy heart guy than a stomach guy. Other people, it's incredibly common. Anxiety will 100% cause nausea, stomach pains. There's a knot in my stomach. I feel like there's a pit in my stomach. I feel like I have to run to the bathroom 100%. We, we, I must say, you guys have heard me say this before. We literally have slang in the English language that talks about that. Like it felt like there was a knot in my stomach. There were butterflies in my stomach. Like we even, we acknowledge it in just common language without even talking about anxiety, fear and anxiety disorders. We know what it means.  I felt like it was punched in my stomach. Everyone would understand. So yes, panic and anxiety can cause many people to experience gastrointestinal issues. That's normal. That's part of the process. Unfortunately, if you're one of those people, that's just one of those things you have to learn to get through. Sometimes that's exacerbated for people who have a metophobia because if they feel anything gastrointestinal and they're terrified because vomiting is the worst possible thing that can happen to a human being and you will not hear otherwise, then that could definitely be an issue for sure.  I will never allow it to happen. So yeah, sometimes that makes things even worse. All right, so those are the Instagram questions. There were a couple more, but these are the ones that I could definitely answer. So let's go through the comments here and see what people have talked about. I'll put some stuff up on the screen real quick and then I'm gonna end it early this week because I have some stuff going on, but I have a friend, let's put a rawr's thing up on the screen. I have a friend who keeps saying she feels like this doesn't apply to her because she thinks her anxiety is unique and different than everyone else's. Can you touch on thinking you are worse than others? Well, I think everybody at some point has that. I'm worse than everyone else. Sorry. Everybody at some point thinks this can't work for me because I'm worse than everyone else. Mine is worse than everybody else's. It can't work for me. You can think that and just about everybody thinks that but thinking it doesn't mean it's true. And a lot of times that's driven by like an aversion to the technique if you will or the approach. Like I have to go do scary things. No, well, my anxiety is really bad so it's not gonna work for me. Unfortunately, it's a really common thought to see yourself as being worse than everybody else. Everybody, most people go through that at one point in time or another. But then I could say other than just thinking it doesn't make it true. Sorry. Think a big step. Throw this up real quick. I'm feeling better. I feel like I wanna take a big step. Excuse me. Drive much further than my save zone instead of little steps. This is okay. Can I always try it? Realistic expectations matter? Like in that situation? Oh, I don't need these because Lily's in here, hang on. Realistic expectations matter. So like, hey, I'm gonna really do something that I haven't done in a long time. It's gonna be challenging for me. I'm gonna give it a shot. If I get really scared or I panic because I do this really challenging thing, that's okay. That might happen. What can I learn from that? So yeah, it's okay to try those things. You don't have to like, it's not immediately a disaster if you try to do something that's too big or too much. Just understand what you're doing, why you're doing it and maintain an awareness of what the goal is and be open to the experience, whatever it happens to be. If you panic when you do it, that's totally okay. All right, so let's see. I have about two more minutes I can do. Too much deep, lots more steps. This is good. Can you touch on how I can stop making recovery an end goal? This is really common. Recovery is always the end goal. So you can't not think that. That would be unrealistic for me to say like, well, stop trying to recover because clearly that's why you're doing this stuff. But I think you have to be in a situation where you understand, well, recovery is my end goal. I do wanna get better, but what's the best way to put this? Recovery is the way I'm doing it. I do wanna get the better, but I'm just trying to have as many experiences I can that teach me that I can handle this, right? I can handle this.  Like I'm just trying to get, I'm trying to be better, not feel better. So do things that help you be better and let that be the goal that you're always after and the feeling better, which is probably the way you're thinking of recovery comes down the road. So that might be a way to reframe that so that it's a little bit easier to just, as opposed to always shooting for, when am I gonna feel different? When am I gonna feel different? Well, shoot for, when am I gonna be different? When am I gonna act different? And the feeling different will come sort of lagging behind that. Unfortunately, that's the way that works. Hopefully that works. I'll do one more. Yep, because I have a call coming up. Sorry guys, I have to be a little shorter this week. Throw this up real quick. Does smoking cigarettes cause anxiety? Well, smoking cigarettes could certainly make you feel different. Nicotine is a stimulant. Nicotine is a weird thing, because it's a stimulant and some people will tell you, say it also relaxes them. So smoking cigarettes will make your body feel different. It's, that's not the problem, although really smoking is not good for you, so you really shouldn't be smoking, but as far as does it create anxiety or cause anxiety? No, it causes your body to feel different things. The nicotine may be a stimulant and that may be causing your heart to go a little faster and it amps you up a little bit. That's okay, that's what nicotine does. It's the reaction to that that you care about. It's the part where, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I feel this way. So we don't care about the physical effects of the cigarette, we care about your reaction to those physical effects. So it doesn't cause anxiety, it just causes you to feel things, right? And yeah, I'd love to do the rest of these because you guys are asking good questions, but I can't because I have a call coming up and I could really only do about 35 minutes a day. So I gotta end it here. Sorry for the technical problems, we'll definitely get, yeah, somebody said crave a smoke when overwhelmed. I understand that and a lot of ways people will say that smoking is a way for them to calm down. So you might crave a cigarette when you get really anxious. I get that, it's a push-pull there. Anyway, that's a good point. Sorry, I can't stay for any longer. We'll try to get Lily back and fix the technology next time. I promise, I know it's a shorter one this week. This will stay on my YouTube, it's in its own playlist called Recovery Monday. It'll stay on my Facebook, it will stay in the Facebook group. But yeah, so thanks a bunch. I appreciate it. Next week we'll do some more questions. I'll try to get Lily back in. Maybe we'll do questions in the Facebook group. There'll be a little bit more that we can answer. And that's it guys. Thanks for hanging out on Monday and thanks for hanging in there with all the technology problems. I know it sort of sucked, but we'll work them out. See you next time.


Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, he is the beloved of God. He is Habibullah. And we read in our traditions that there was a group of Sahaba and they were discussing Al-Anbiya, the prophets. And they were talking about Ibrahim alaihi salam and Musa alaihi salam and Isa alaihi salam. And the Prophet ﷺ, he came out to them and he heard their conversation. And he said, he was right. Musa alaihi salam, Ibrahim alaihi salam is Khalilullah. He is the friend of Allah Subhanu wa Ta'ala. And Musa alaihi salam is Kaleemullah. He is the one whom Allah Subhanu Wa Ta'ala spoke to. And Isa alaihi salam is Ruh Allah, a spirit owned by Allah Subhanu Wa Ta'ala. And he said, but, I am the beloved of Allah. And I am not boasting. The Prophet ﷺ, he is being commanded to tell this reality to the Sahaba. It is not a boast. He is not bragging. This is just reality, that he is the master of humanity. He is the beloved of Allah Subhanu Wa Ta'ala. And the Sahaba loved him with a love that is beyond comprehension. Allah Subhanu Wa Ta'ala describes this love in the Quran. The Prophet ﷺ is closer to the believers than their own selves. The believers prefer the life of the Prophet ﷺ over their own lives. And when the Prophet ﷺ passed into the mercy of his Lord, there were Sahaba who never recovered from this. They never recovered until the end of their life. Right? They say, Sayyidah Fatima, alaihi salam, she died from a broken heart. They say, Qutilat, the safest shock that she was slain with the sword of longing, wa muhabba, wa l muhabba in love for her father. This is the type of love. Right? They say that, Sayyidina Bilal, this is mentioned in our history books. Our Ulama have quoted it. Sayyidina Bilal ibn Rabah al-Habashi, radiallahu anhu. This was a man who was being tortured in Mecca. And the message of the Prophet ﷺ raised him up literally on the Ka'bah to make Adhan. How much love do you think Bilal had for the Prophet ﷺ? How much love? He saved him in every single way, Bi'idnillah. When the Prophet ﷺ passed away into the mercy of his Lord, Sayyidina Bilal could not even remain in Medina because everything reminded him of the Prophet ﷺ. And he had this very strong separation anxiety. So he went to Damascus and he was there for a couple, less than a year or something like that. And then he saw Eru'iyah. Right? And the Prophet ﷺ says, man ra'ani fil manam, saqad ra'ani. And this hadith is Motawater. Whoever sees me in a dream has truly seen me. Right? And the Prophet ﷺ said, What is this distance, o Bilal? Ma hadal jafa ya Bilal? What is this aversion? What is this distance? So Sayyidina Bilal, he immediately comes into Medina. Okay? He comes into Medina and Abu Bakr Sadiq greets him. He says, Bilal, please give us an Adhan. Right? Like the Adhan you used to make in the days of the Messenger ﷺ. And Bilal says, I can't do it. I just can't do it. Right? And then Sayyidina Umar, radiAllahu anhu says, Ya Bilal, just give us one Adhan so we can remember the days of the Habib ﷺ. And he said, I can't do it.  The ulama from the neck down, Sayyidina Hussain, looks like the Prophet ﷺ. And from the neck up, Sayyidina Hussain looks like the Prophet ﷺ. And they said, Ya Bilal, give us an Adhan so we can remember our grandfather. Well, can't say no. Hey, gonna say no. He says, I'll try. So Bilal begins his Adhan. It's going okay, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Ashadu wa la ilaha illallah, Ashadu wa la ilaha illallah, Ashadu anna Muhammadan. And he collapses. Just saying the name of his beloved, Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. His knees give out. This is the love we're talking about. This beautiful love that we have for the Prophet ﷺ. And the brother was right. Dr. Mazan is right. There's nothing like this Dean. This is truly a universal religion, right? This is truly universal religion. I mean, you look at Hinduism, it's very much tied to India. You know, you look at Buddhism. There aren't a lot of Buddhists outside the Buddhist world. We know about Judaism. Christianity, Yani, it's evolving and changing to accompany people. I'll leave it at that. But this Dean is truly universal. There's nothing like the Hajj. And this is why they don't show the Hajj on TV a lot, if you notice. When's the last time you saw footage of the life from the Hajj in Makkah? Because it is a powerful image. It is a powerful image, right? People are content with thinking of this religion is for Arabs or for a few people in the Middle East. This is a universal religion. And it began with Iqra in a cave, a single man. Iqra. Think about that. This is a miracle. So may Allah ﷻ increase our love for the Prophet ﷺ. May we embody the ayat, the ayah and Nabi'u la bil mu'minina mi anfusihem. May we live up to this ayah. May we live up to the hadith. His parents, his children and the whole of humanity. May Allah ﷻ give us a tofiq to realize this type of love.


First question is from Mr. Kennedy can you talk about the different deadlift variations traditional sumo touch-and-go Romanian deadlift and the benefits of each should you vary them up? Should you vary them up? You know one of the sometimes one of the challenges with exercises is that if they have a similar name I'm glad you're going this. I'm glad you're going this way Yeah, you end up thinking that they're all interchangeable.  I'll just pick one and do that one. The truth is they're all different exercises Very very different. Yeah, it's not even I mean so I mean some are like similar, but very very different And with deadlifts, it's even worse because the powerlifting community, which is the the one strength sport That really Emphasizes deadlifts more than any other strength sport right because it's in their competition They allow you to to deadlift conventional or sumo Doesn't matter those both count the same when you're doing your deadlift and so people have you know They've assumed that they're kind of interchangeable the reality is they're all different Exercises now some of them are more similar than the others, but they're all different right a sumo deadlift and a traditional Conventional deadlift although both count and powerlifting they are different on the body They work the body totally different just because you're good at one doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna be good at the other one And then they get very different like a Romanian deadlifter stiff like a deadlift very different from a conventional deadlift and a sumo deadlift So should you vary them? Absolutely. I think you totally should I think it's a good idea to get good at one And then once you get real good at it, you can transfer and move to another one It's okay to have your favorite. You know my favorite is conventional It's the way I love to deadlift, but I'll throw in sumo and trap bar deadlifts all the time And I'll go through runs of training those to get really good at those Romanian deadlifts. That's a leg workout. You know that that one I do in my leg work I don't do in my back workout like I do conventional Well, and I think that something that we say ad nauseam on this show is that the one that's going to benefit you the Most is the one that you do the least So if you're somebody who's like you all of you deadlift consistently, but you always do conventional Sumo deadlifting for a while is gonna be great great for strength games great for body composition Great for fat burning. I mean that is where you should go if you train a certain way all the time Then mixing up the only time it makes sense to do the same one all the time for me is if I'm training an actual competitor Yeah, they have to get good at that one. Yeah, like if I have so and that doesn't mean I'll never Intermittently still use use the opposite So if I have a someone who pulls sumo and that's what they they pull at their competition We are gonna pull sumo 90% of the time maybe 95% of time still will do some other other way forms of deadlifting Intermittently in there, but we want to be good at that movement because that's what they're gonna go perform And everybody else though if you're just trying to get strong or you want to be you know Healthy and fit or you want to change the way your body looks the best thing you could possibly do is actually Rotate through these and how do you rotate to those? You know, there's there's no like one rule on how you have to do it I personally like to keep one of those for sure always in my routine if not one or two of those And I'll stick to that for at least four to eight weeks before I rotate another one in exactly That's it. That's exactly the way and I think too like there's there's You know if I'm going for Different What they call adaptation so if I'm going for something where I'm more power focus and more speed focus for instance I'm gonna be more likely to do like a touch-and-go and that's something that fits within my programming And so I'll look at you know the options of what types of exercise will fit best within the actual program itself Or if I want to move in different directions or you know really expose my body to different types of stimulus and movement I'll do something like if I never do sumo then I'm gonna switch it up And I'm gonna rotate that in the programming But I want to look at this as like these are all different types of tools that fit great within you know This sort of pursuit that I have so I'm glad you brought up touch-and-go because I would say touch-and-go is my least favorite of all these That's the one you need to have the most control and best skill And it also makes the most sense I would say it in only situation that Justin just mentioned like you're really trying to work on the speed of a movement Versus the strength of that movement or getting good at that movement Because touch-and-go there's so much more room for air in that than just a standard pull a rep gather yourself pull a rep Gather yourself the point is the intent matters. Yes. You have to like evaluate that. Yeah And the problem with touch-and-go is not that you're Continuously deadlifting because that's okay. You can do that with any exercise. Here's the problem you have a long bar on your hands and You're doing I don't know 10 reps. Let's say on one of those reps the left side touches the floor before the right Even if it's a split yeah, I'm gonna say it just a split Yeah, and it shifts you to the right or left and if you have a lot of weight that can cause problem So your technique needs to be really really good and send you to be real stable I'll never do touch touch-and-go with super super heavy weight. I've done in the past Pazardly not a good idea. Yeah, and not to mention that The benefits that you get from it from just doing a conventional way of deadlifting where you actually have a little bit of rest in between Right where you go and pull You're not getting that much more benefit by doing the touch-and-go. Yeah for me. It really had the client has to be There they have to already be advanced enough where they they've looked like if I was training one of you two Maybe we'll throw it in there and even then I just still don't see a tremendous amount of value in touch-and-go Yeah, deadlifts. So I there's I'm trying to think right now who I've trained where we have programmed that in most clients I'm having you know, bother them so I you know if you bodybuilders might benefit from touch-and-go not going real heavy and focusing on the Continual tension of the back and squeezing the lats that might work Here's another thing about deadlifts because of the influence of power lifting we a lot of people deadlift with an alternate grip One hand forward one hand back and that's because you can hold on to more weight So I get that do this if you do that make sure you switch hands in between every other set right do just as much Work with your left hand supinated as you do with your right hand supinated I fell into this trap for years I deadlifted and I was better with the right supinated in the left So that's what I stuck with and I developed an imbalance in my back that probably still to this day I have a little bit I took my long time and unnecessary torsion in the back Right so either alternate them back and forth or use a hook grip That's what I do now. I use a hook grip and now both hands are pronated


thank you for joining me that was two class 4442 zeros on the southwestern main line we're just west of Beijing Stoke and we've come here today to visit the Milestones Museum which is just here now this is the town that never rains inside this museum inside this barrel arts building is a whole town completely built town set in two different eras so we'll explore them as we go around so as it's inside that's the reason it never rains so we've come here today to explore this museum see what there is to see there's lots of exciting things and I came in my ladder which you can just see parked over there so I've already been in I've had a good look around told them I was going to come out come back in again so here we go there's the shop there there's a vehicle there so as we come into here so that's just there that's where you're paid to go in but they knew I was coming back in there's the shop and then if you look over here you get a great view over the town so we're going to go down these steps and we're going to explore just over there behind the shop is the rooftops cafe called that for fairly obvious reasons it looks over the rooftops I think as I come down these steps and see the town like this it's a bit like reminds me of it Beckinscott model village where I've made numerous videos in the past except unlike Beckinscott it's not a model it's real we're actually going to go down there and we're going to have a really good look around inside we're going to go in and out all these buildings have a look and there's various other little museum bits so here quite interesting the history of cameras I'm not gonna go for every camera because I'm no expert on cameras although I use one all the time for these videos imagine though it's always around the 1800s and I was carrying that around to make my videos I think it would be a lot more complicated then you go through you know various different ones we get to sort of Kodak and you know I remember then when I was younger whenever I go to a gala I always think Kodak would have made a fortune in those days and I did have some cameras a bit like that when I was younger and so yeah cameras it's something I use all the time but now let's go and look around a much older era the Victorian sort of era 1930s sort of it's not set in any particularly year but it's just what you'd have seen you know over different times so if we come to down here let's explore the town where it never rains so lots of steam engines here very steam rollers tractor and engines of various different types so we'll be able to see them and there's a model here this is good here we have one we'll see a similar one full-sized one this one doesn't power itself it's for powering machines like this and if I press this button all springs into action this is a steam freshing machine so the hay would go in the top straw tail straw not firm or one of the effect goes through here it come out as bales at the end so there's also a good model of them going back to Beck and Scott they've got a model of one of them there we have steam roller let's go in here here we have a workshop powered by what would call a semi-portable steam engine you know it could be moved welcome to all the iron work so that steam engine would have powered all these machines so you've got a length here you've got a horizontal milling machine there all sorts of things there's a cutaway of a boiler so the fire would be in there the water through these trees we come out here into the town we have another steam engine traction engine steam engine over there that's a bit like the little model we just saw go back through here says it's quite an interesting iron work that's worth a look waterloo iron works founded 1813 so it's going to see what we can see in here here is the manager's office of the iron works just up there is a bridge model of a bridge of the sort of thing the company would have made and around here some of the products so they've made everything from iron rings benches tops of conservatories and oranges road signs like that one or more signpost rather and here we have you see the bellows there so there's you know what bellow is pull that down that would blow air onto the fire and here we have some of the patterns so the castings would have been made in sand in these patterns there'd have been a wooden mock-up in his example see that there that's the wooden mock-up then printed that into the sand and then like the picture shows that afford the molten iron in and beside it is the finished iron product so it's all very interesting there's so much to see here I've been here well I got here about 11 half 11 and it's now the afternoon most people have gone home so it's a very good time for me to be making this video and it's a really good place you can easily spend a day here and especially if it's raining it's great both come out rains because you don't need to worry about getting wet because never rains here and what's this one here there's just so many of these rooms like I said it's basically Beckinscott but you can actually go in the houses because you are not a giant person another steam engine there and I don't know every type of steam engine there is but you know I do find it all quite interesting that's just the tram lines in the in the rails we will see a tram later but that would be the tram depot that building there it's filled this particular it's a sawmill so we'll go in have a look around the sawmill so where steam engines they would have of course powered the sawmill they have another steam engine a little giant steam engine going into here look at all this here's all the tools you'd have and then we go through here I don't know what some of these are I embrace to use these drill and our drill various planes quite small planes there's chisels and everything through here there's an old vacuum cleaner there maybe that's for all the dust they get from the wood I'm not too sure and as we come around here we're now down the other end of the sawmill so these would like be the logs arrived from the forest ready for beings here a steam train going past there's various sounds there's not actually a steam train or at least I hope there's not actually a steam train going past it on the main line but they have all the sounds of various things going on whining that would be this blade spinning round so this man here look at the concentration on his face I don't normally go put my camera in people's faces but I don't think this bloat mines and then this gentleman here see he's turning to the chain and that's pulling this log through soaring up into planks got down there so that's a sawmill and very interesting we go through here we can see some more steam engines inside there's some caps on the roof so I think this one is steam roll I find it's quite fascinating the steering if you look at this so there's the steering wheel steers this rod that's called a worm gear so that turns this here and then that would make the front wheel turn interesting the boiler I've never seen one but boy look at that angle before they have a steam log so it's a bit like going to steam log except everything is static but still good to see there's more machinery see have a live in there this one I think it's one must be a diesel or petrol one had a good study pretty sure it's not steam mega sorry it's a roller although diesel rollers seem to always be called steam rollers it just seems to be the world that's a steam diesel but it's not steam at all it's a diesel roller but still it's known as a steam roller so it come back out here and walk around the corner some vehicles and then here's one of my favorite exhibits a tram as you know I do like trams so this tram we've got here on the whole as I said most exhibits tend to be local or at least from Hampshire this the sweet shoppers closed but I didn't want any sweets well we'll talk I will point out that here we have a Portsmouth Corporation tramways number 84 so obviously this would have run in Portsmouth until the system closed and then if you look in front of you how that's the vintage tea tent that's also now closed enough tea and cake there over there is a railway station obviously we're going to go and have a look in that but my favorite exhibit now I'm being a bit biased here but this is my favorite exhibit a steam locomotive it's like warmer now I believe it was at the Longmore military railway which again was a big military railway in Hampshire this engine ended up at a museum up in Beverly in Yorkshire on military transport which unfortunately that museum is closed so the exhibits ended up in various places believe was this one built by it's built by Avonside of Bristol in 1910 so and it's worked number 1572 so 1910 so over 100 years old she is but that will ever get her for haulage you never know she might be steamed one day and they replace her with something else and there's a coal wagon yeah I expect you pretty want to have a look in the railway station so let's go inside and see what there is in here so this station it's a Great Western style station which is a bit ironic because we are in Southern Territory although some railways did push their way into Southern Territory some Great Western ones here reminds me a bit of Kidderminster station on the Seven Valley Railway but I'll show you what it actually is I believe it must the original one must have been the same architect as Kidderminster although Kidderminster is a modern reproduction but there is the ticket office now if we go into here I have some more of my favorite exhibits a good double-o gauge model railway now this is a model railway of the other station in Winchester the Great Western railway station in Winchester so you can just see is a panoramic tanker and also a carriage there's also a Britannia and behind there's a London stuff Western Railway locomotive a rather large model and also we have a really nice model here of a schools class locomotive so there's three of these in existence and there's Stowe there's Cheltenham and there's another one it'll come to me all coming on screen now so this is a schools class locomotive always like it says start so let's see if we can make this model railway go into action oh and that's Alton Hall there or to most more modern people these days it's modern times it's known as Hogwarts Castle I press start but yeah that's the model railway here and you can see if you look at that station building down there that is what we're in we're in the full-size one of them so that's the Winchester Great Western station one day I have to go down to Winchester we could do a video on the city on the various historic buildings and perhaps have a look at some of the old railways so as we now walk we'll go past see the steam engine again and the tram again so yeah this kind of is my favorite part the museum but there's a lot of other really exciting things to see here we'll walk through and I'll show you everything else probably what I'm gonna actually do is do more than one video here today because there's a bit too much to put onto one video so because there's two different areas and there's also something else which I'll show you later on and we'll do it like that here this is the school so yeah school wasn't really my favorite period of life going to school it's never allowed to do what I wanted and was that study stuff wasn't interesting but anyway have a look at this this is interesting there's the points there on the tramway network so here in that under this is what you call a manhole it's not a manhole but anyway no I mean that's where you to change the points so if you were tram coming this way you could go that way to the depot or that way where the tram currently is and there's various illusion of the railway bridge over there this is the fire station this is quite a fascinating building here we have a steam fire engine it's not actually steam powered or it's not propelled the steam engine doesn't propel itself so that had been pulled by a horse or another vehicle it's purely a steam pump and then if we go in here a very old fire engine I'm not sure how to pump on that one would have worked if we come into here you can see some hand pumped fire engines so imagine that four firemen would have stood there they'd have pumped really hard to put the fires out there's all the ladders so yeah and I have the old leather buckets there's the post office let's go through here there's something here I'm gonna do something in our video I'm just gonna point you out seems a bit funny to find this here in base look milestones peer yes it's appear and there's all the game to the thing so they do it in our video so have a look at link on screen now we'll do that later that's gonna be good fun let's just go down here so like I said the museum is currently slow it's just it's winter everyone's gone home it's a weekday so I haven't actually got this place quite to myself it just kind of gives that a lose and hence why chose today to make this video this is another one of the many shops you can go inside look at this often see these this one of those you are allowed to play some toys okay now this probably isn't gonna go well I'm gonna try anyway on camera can I manage this it's like you have to sort of run along and make it go it's gonna be yeah that's not working you can't it's gonna be pretty really hard to do yeah okay I'm gonna need more practice with this before I can leave that there but yeah you can you can play with some of the toys which is quite nice over there by that steam engine is actually going hopscotch on the pavement you can play that but I don't know how to play it so I'm not going to and but the point is I'm making as you can interact the other thing you can do interacting is the pub there it's closed now because it's later on the day but earlier on you could go in there and have a pint so what I did when I got here because I had driven I wanted to have a pint but I went and had it straight away I don't normally have a pint in the morning I had a pint in the morning just so I could say I'd had a pint here and then I've had all day to walk it off that's one of the little houses there look you can have a look through there let's go through here then look you can see in the other side where we just were there's the old Timber so I suppose behind here should be the toilet oh I'm sorry I'm sorry sorry yeah there's a man on the toilet in there sorry so well yeah I'm gonna leave him let's go back out here a bus nice old bus what's this this is the gas works here we have the gas works gas powered engine they like steam engine gas meters rise with it so I used to go holiday to well as you see some similar gas meter just put money in the gas meter let's have another look out here here we have a garage so you can see there's all various talking stuff through there that's another era for another video there's a Saddler's you're going to sell your horse up nice old bus we have a look through the window the Papier look so I sat and had a pint in there earlier I must say it was very good ale through here so I'm kind of coming to the end of this video but like I said I've done this half once you go round there it's a different era so I'm gonna put that in another video just because I think there's a lot to see here but here we have another area in here well more engines this is all the wagons you know different country wagons you'd have got for transporting various goods and stuff if you look what I discovered here if I'm quite fascinating different counters have different wagons that's a Hampshire wagon Hampshire's where we are now Dorset East Anglia and Glomorgan, Herefordshire and there's a load of ales there beers and ales good place and the pub was next door wagons so I'll show you where we go through into the 1930s and 40s era area but like I said that is gonna be a different video so what I'm gonna do it's through there you can see the Art Deco buildings but they are for another video so from Milestones Museum I hope you enjoyed this video do look out there's gonna be a couple more thank you very much for watching please do feel free to like subscribe and comment you know do come and visit Milestones if you want to come by train it's about a mile west of the station so you can either walk or get a bus or there's a large car park as I did drive here so from Milestones thank you very much for watching goodbye


Here, Mr. Bradley, girl in mystery drowning, Penaquit, Maine. While her sister stood helplessly on the dock, Abigail Thorne, 26, was drowned in the bay here at midnight last night. According to her sister, Sarah, the older girl was about to board her ship. The black swan. Well, yes, that's the name. How did you know? How did I know? Because it had to be. It had to be. Midnight, the witching hour when the night is darkest, our fears the strongest and our strength at its lowest end. Midnight, when the graves gape open and death strikes. How? You'll learn the answer in just a moment in the black swan Leon Meadow is. Listen to the waves against the dock. Yeah, it's six years since I, Amos Bradley, last heard this sound. Last stood here in the moonlight looking out over Penaquit Bay. And there she rides at anchor just as she did six years ago. A black ship against the sky. 45 feet of black hull beauty. The loveliest sloop ever turned out in the main shipyard. 45 feet of unholy black evil. The black swan, she was named. But a better name would have been ship of death. Yes, she was even launched in blood. No, Mr. Thorne. Left Fred talk about a ship built by Fred Thorne. Fred thinks she's a tremendous job he ever turned out. Well, yes, sir. I'll get him just as soon as we check the keel plate. He'll be pleased, buddy, to find birthday presents.  Stand aside, Caleb. What's taking him so long? I left the yard for months. She lay there on the ways like a stranded whale on a beach. There was talk in town about old Caleb turning strangely on the one thing he was supposed to love, his daughter Abby. But I dismissed it as idle village gossip. Actually, no one knew very much about that family. The Thorns kept themselves on that little island of theirs. You can just make it out. Yeah, they're beyond the breakwater. And then one day, about six months after Fred was killed, I ran into Philip Hazlidon Main Street. That's just the man I want. I'm looking for a first mate. Since when? Well, I had a note from Abby yesterday. She wants me to bring the black swan up to the island. The black swan? I thought the old man... Changed his mind, I guess. Now you never can tell with him. But Abby, I mean, after what happened? Oh, come now. You certainly haven't started believing that old wife stuff. Not, of course not. But the old man swore he'd never look at the ship again. Search me. Well, anyway, I'm to bring her out Saturday. You want to come? Yeah. I think I do. You take over the wheel. She handles like a dream. Well, Fred knew how to build them. Now, watch it. She's trigger light to the touch. Well, maybe this is the turning point. Maybe now... Well, maybe now Abby will set the date. Now that she's put these childish fears behind her. You've been patient, Phillip. I'd wait forever for Abby Thorne. How about the old man? You know how he feels about Abby or how he was supposed to. You'll just have to learn to like it. Cut her closer to the boy. That's it, Amy. Right. Now, a few points. Ah, there we are. There's the dock. He was standing there on the little dock. Waiting for us. Waving to us as we anchored in the cove and jumped into the dory. A dark-haired, willowy girl. Lovely girl. And next to her, next to her was Sarah, sister Sarah, 14. A smaller, incredibly faithful replica of Abby. Except for her eyes. Her piercing, stony, blue eyes which were like Caleb's. Frighteningly like Caleb's. Abby had planned a picnic for us at Arrow Beach on the other side of the island. She and Phillip had set out first to get away from Caleb, I suspect. And I was to bring Sarah along later. Well, just as we were about to leave the house, Caleb stopped me. He'd scarcely uttered a word since our arrival. Why don't you to see something, gamers? Oh, all right. You come too, Sarah, to friends' room. All right, Father, only I know what it is. Yes, Sarah knows. It's our secret. We keep it locked in Fred's room. We waited till Abby was gone. Abby's left us. Oh, Father means she's with Phillip. Abby's gone. Abby's left us. See him, he's on the floor there. What? It's a tool chest, complete set. Here's tools, Fred's. All his tools, his planes and chisels and gouges. And all the bits and braces and mallets. All his tools. Aren't they beautiful, Amos? The way they shine? We keep them shiny and clean. Just the way Fred always kept them. It's our secret. Abby doesn't know. Abby's left us. But Fred is back now. See all his tools. And someday, Father's going to take them and put them all in that big chest and bury them out at sea. That's what Sarah and me planned. Only now I have a better idea. You didn't tell me, Father, you didn't. Where, Father? Where could there be a better place? There's a better place, all right.  Remember much about that picnic? Except Abby's unusual quietness. Phillip's efforts to keep the conversation alive and Sarah's strange restlessness. She stared at me constantly. Warning me silently with those intense blue eyes. Warning me about that secret at Caleb's. Well, I was glad I know that when we finally said goodbye late that night, rode out to the black swan and cast off. I don't get it. Get what? The ship, the way she's acting. She's not responding. She's sluggish. Ah, temperamental. Where do we get out beyond the coach? She feels a wind. Look stiff out there. She's nosing down in this heavy... Second victim. I managed to get the swan back. And shortly afterward, I left Penaquit to work in Boston for my uncle's engineering firm. I heard nothing from her about the thorns for a year when I received a short, formal note from Abby. Her father had passed away peacefully in his sleep. I would have been less surprised had Caleb's death been more violent, had the black swan somehow been involved. And then once more, Penaquit and the thorns receded into the past. Three, four, five years slipped by uneventfully. Before the black swan again revived my half-forgotten fears. I had just returned from a conference to find Miss Brewster, my assistant, standing at my desk, glancing at the evening newspaper. She looked up as I entered the office. You're from Penaquit, Mayn, aren't you, Mr. Bradley? Yeah. Yeah, what about Penaquit? Well, this little item here. Possibly you know the girl. Sounds positively spooky. Girl in mystery drowning, Penaquit, Mayn. While her sister stood helplessly on the town dock, Abigail Thorn, 26, was drowned in the bay here at midnight last night. According to her sister, Sarah, 20, the older girl was just about to board her ship. The black swan. Oh, yes. That is the name. Black swan. How did you know? How did I know? It had to be. It had to be. Dark of night. And a ship with a past that is just as dark. What would you expect of a ship that was launched in blood, but... Murder! Has the ship of death singled out for its next victim? Listen as Amos tries to find the answer. I didn't think a ship could be a murderer. Fred Thorn, who built the black swan for his sister, Abby. Then Philip Haslett, who loved that sister, Abby. And then Abby. Lovely dark-haired Abby herself. And who's to be next? Well, that's why I'm here now. Why I've come back after all these years to Penaquit Bay. I'm going to find out tonight. Yeah, I know. It's late and dark. Care to come? No? Can't say I blame you. What's that? May storm a bit later? Well, fine. It suits me just fine. I'm going out there, see? Sailor myself. Before this night is done, I am going to know the answer. For all this time, somebody must be taking care of it. Somebody is, Amos. It can't be. You need a flashlight to reassure you? Wouldn't Abby's ghost be more companionable in this pale, thin, old life? It's you, Sarah. Little Sarah. For a moment, I... I thought I was Abigail. Yes, Amos, you were the one who always said I was the image of it. I am. A pale image. A reflection without substance. Come over here and sit down, Amos. After all, we have a lot to talk about. You want to know, don't you? You came back to find out about Abby. The black swan? Yes, Amos. But the paper didn't say how or why, did it? It didn't tell about the fights we had. Abby and I, after Father died, the bitter fights we had about the black swan. Until one day, Abby, why not sell her? What's so precious about that horrible ship? I won't, that's all. Hasn't she caused enough grief? Let her rot to pieces in the harbor. I won't sell her. You're afraid, aren't you?  I'm afraid. Then make sure she never has another chance. Sure. How? Destroy her in the harbor. We could burn her in the harbor tonight. And that's what you were going to do that night? Yes, Amy. We put two cans of gasoline in the dory and rode out to the black swan. But instead of the paper, you were standing on the dock. I was. We were about halfway out when suddenly a strange feeling of watching Abby get to her feet a gasoline can in one hand. Do you see it happening swiftly without warning? Only two left who cared. And we'd come back to find out. Amos, who loved my sister in silence. And Sarah? Who? I might have told you once. She went away like the others. I've come back, Sarah. Yes.  No rest until we know. Look to the anchor, Amos. It's time we did know. My friend at the dock was right. It's going to storm. Yes, I think so. And we haven't learned anything. She's handling like any other ship. Only better. That's Fred Builder to handle. She's biding her time, that's all. What are you thinking? Do you remember the picnic that day? Yes, sir. That night, after you and Phillip had left, I went to Fred's room. They were gone. His tools, the chest. Gone? You mean Caleb? Yes. Father had taken them away while we were picnicking over at Arrow Beach. Taking them where? He wouldn't tell me. He said he'd found a better place to get saying that over and over, but he would never tell me where. I think so after Phillip was killed. How? Well, it goes back to Fred, my brother Fred. Don't you see, Father commissioned Fred to build the black swan as a birthday present for Abby. It was one of the ways he thought he could, well, buy Abby away from Phillip. And Fred was the first victim of the black swan. Yeah. Then Phillip. And the more Father tried, the worse it became. Abby wouldn't talk to him, not a word. Phillip, Phillip took Abby further away from your father than he could possibly have done in life. Phillip's death? No, Amos. Phillip's murderer did that. The black swan. I don't like the way she's blowing up. And I don't. Now that the swan is behaving herself. Yes. Well, maybe so, but the weather isn't. Now that you've promised to come back to Boston with me and to leave all this behind you, I'm not taking any chance. Any way you say him. Yes, sir. It's half submerged. Why, there? They are. They're his tools. Fred's tool chest and everything. When Caleb said he knew a better place, he meant in the ship. Yes, he took the chest and nailed it up under the deck, up at the bow. That's why the black swan acted so strangely. The night Phillip and I left the island. But, Amos, tonight she was acting so beautifully, too. I know. That's because somehow all these years she's been rocking there in the harbor. The chest worked itself loose. Just loose enough so it would ship with the ship's motion. But then, I mean, what happened when we tried to bring her in tonight? Well, my guess is that the chest suddenly got itself wedged in tight in one place, off-center. That's why she wouldn't answer the helm. Fred's chest. Yes, Amos. Yes, that's why she rolled so badly the night Abby and I... Don't, Sarah. It's all over now. It is over now, isn't it? It was almost over for us. And then no one would have known. We know now, Sarah. Yes, the black swan has been brought to justice. And by her own hand. A strange family. And the ship was launched in blood. With such a setting, it's no wonder that what was meant as a tribute and an act of love turned into comes in with a rising tide. And the clocks strike twelve.


I hope you're well. Welcome back to my channel if you're new here. My name is seppie and today I have two special guests my sister's soul My sister's signer if you watch any of the vlogs or any of my other videos these losers always love to join it I'm sorry before we start. Seppie smells so nice that I can't I know Okay, so guys You know what time it is you have sent in your questions via Instagram if you don't have your Instagram get on there follow me my only My Instagram is purge and bunny. These two Instagrams will be linked down below as well And while you're there, you might as well like comment subscribe on this video Okay, so we're gonna be answering your dilemmas. Wow, this one is very long. Okay Okay, so the first question someone submitted to me yesterday goes how we film the advice video yet And I said no she goes woohoo. I'll cut try and keep it short and sweet How do I politely downgrade a friend to an acquaintance? Oh? Basically, I have a word for this and it's called phase them out It's so weird because this is the second person who's told us this this week, you know, who's so far You can't name names now But yeah, we need to we need to teach you guys how to phase people out So there are times in life where you and your friends close friends Distant friends, whatever. Well, they wouldn't be distant friends Your close friends You guys go in different directions in life and you gotta phase them out, right? You're just no if you're going different directions life phase you out.  So maybe they're not good friends. Yeah, so just be less available is the first thing So whereas before if you are free you would tell them you're free It's time to say I gotta hang out with my family Someone's coming over. Yeah, blah blah blah. I have to study Yeah, actually, don't say I have to study because people then get weird and then want to distract you from studying I don't want to study, you know, so yeah, just I think phasing them out as being less available And let's still be polite Let's excuse me still be polite because as Saul said in the previous advice video Uh, today's friend is tomorrow's enemy. Today's enemy is tomorrow's friend. Yeah, I like that. Okay. So next question Gosh, you know, I have like a whole screen recorder of questions So be their selfie. They're just I have a screen. No. No. Here it is a two minutes screen recorder questions Okay And I'm scrolling about Okay, we believe Get Saul to date me Okay, so I was wondering how do you balance uni work with having a social life? You could answer that Um, I think the best thing that works for me is first do your uni work. So when you come so Try to do your uni work as early as possible in the day and then be finished by maximum 8 p.m and uh at 8 p.m Onwards no matter what just chill whether it's watching tv whether it's going out with your friends or so on but Try to wake up extra early and do everything beforehand So you get more hours in the day. Yeah, yeah, Saul and Saina. Um, are good at working throughout the year I'm gonna working throughout the year, but I do most of my work towards the last chunk of the year We do that as well. I do that. So I have I like to prepare. I have no choice to do my work throughout the year Because I've got exams from yeah, I have an exam at the end of the year So my I have schedules like having GCSEs or A levels or whatever Basically, I think that you have to wake up extra early and try and get as much done as you can throughout the day And then this way by 8 p.m You've kind of done everything and well not everything but you've covered everything you wanted to cover that day and you can relax But no matter what set a time and be like after this time I'm gonna relax and really don't do nothing because you need a break Okay, so next question How to end a four-year relationship without feeling guilty? No matter what you're gonna feel guilty. I think soul should answer this one Uh, the longer you let it go on the more you waste their time And yours and that's why you should feel guilty and it's not fair. Yeah, it's not fair on them How do I get over a crush? Okay? I do this a lot about once a month so I can help you So it's really easy the first one is uh find a new crush That works well if you can't find a new crush to distract yourself either throw yourself into work, which is what I tend to do Um, you need watching youtube videos is always fun distracting yourself going out with your friends Going to the gym and anything some stuff you can think about them when you do all these things They're all quite social you end up meeting someone and don't go out with your friends and just sit there and talk about your crush Yeah, and it kind of like so true It requires effort for you to stop thinking about them and then it eventually becomes second nature next question Hey girl, how can I stop caring about what other people think of me? I think that if you feel happy with who you are then don't care about what other people think because everyone's always got An opinion on you and everyone's always going to be And unfortunately a lot of times their opinion is not positive. So it doesn't matter just do you I read this sorry to interrupt you. I read this crazy thing the other day and it was like There is not one version of you that exists in this world.  What other people think about you is says more about them than it says about you Do you do you believe in putting things out in the universe or in things happening when you least expect I'm sorry. I'm still laughing about another question. That's just an appropriate to say Um, I believe that whatever you put out there is actually going to come back to you and I really really believe in positive energy and just thinking really positive I mean, it's not easy to do that It's not easy to be positive all the time but you have to try and look at the brighter side of things and You know, if you know something's going to make you sad or stress you out Just try not to think about it and look at the bigger goal and the bigger picture I think you should put things out into the universe And I think you should say what you want and really expect it to happen to you Also, bear in mind things will happen to you when you least expect it because when you put things out into the universe A lot of times you forget What it is that you what is that you said exactly and whilst you're going through a process of it happening It will happen when you least expect but don't be afraid to voice your goals. Say what is you want to achieve and Write it down. Write it down. Write it down. Don't be.  Basically Yeah, be honest with yourself. Say what it is that you want, you know, you're limitless Okay, next one. Actually, I remember one of my girls if you are the girls who chat to me my dms I have so many combos with with you guys going on boys and girls actually Um, but one of the girls messaged me and she said um a girl Her best friend she had a crush on a guy and then her best friend Um, and him suddenly started hanging out a lot and she asked them what's going on between you guys Is there anything going on? They're like no, no, and then they were like went like we don't like each other like that And as soon as she went away on holiday for two months They started dating and she's like now I need to come back to where I live and how do I uh, like Yeah Phase that friend out. Yeah. Let's go back to the first question. That is not a friend. Okay a friend One of my one of my really close friends Annabelle always says there's so many fish in the sea Why do you have to pick someone else's fish? There's so many fish in the sea. Just you know what she's not a good friend to you That guy is nothing special like he just proved that to you. So, you know phase him out as well Wait, I like this question and says I'm persian and I know for a fact that persians can be shady Should I distance myself from persians? No Don't generalize. It's not just persians like you can't it's just human beings every human being in every country in every culture They've got different sort of people and you can't just generalize and think that it's just persians or it's just There's good and bad. Yeah Yeah, exactly. And I feel like we should as if you guys are persians watching this like as our community like as a community We should try and like support each other and and uh, if there is a shady persian, you know, it's just a one Not every persian is a shady, but yeah, you know, we've got such strong culture beautiful country Let's be proud of who we are Okay. Oh My fiance's ex stalks me on insta daily Should I block or should I let the games begin? Don't block my dad told me this, okay Um, there was someone who I really wanted to follow on instagram my dad goes no don't unfollow her And then he was like she deserves to see how well your life is going if you won't follow her She won't follow you that fiance's ex. Oh, yeah But I didn't it was one of those friends that were faded out Yeah, it was one of those faded out friends, but you guys really should not block anyone Especially the haters let them see how well your life is going.  We've kept everyone anonymous. Don't worry guys Someone said what did you get in your gcsc? I got nine a stars and two a's, but I don't think that's that's juicy Of course. Okay. I like this bloke boy. He declined my ig request though. What do I do? He declined your ig request. He's lost. Let's go back to just faith You guys I think it's kind of like getting over your crush one as well. Yeah This is kind of you've got a phase out people who are not worthy of being in your life And I feel like if you guys watch this video put hashtag phase them out On our pictures also, you know, there's there was this weird film. I watched where it was like He's just not that into you. There's a book as well Yeah, I really believe it like if a guy wants you If someone really whether it's a girl or a guy if they really want you no matter what honestly to god Nothing can stop you think about you yourself personally if you really want someone Is there anything that can stop you from going and even approaching them or somehow like making it known that you want them No, and that's vice versa. So if they really want you they'll come after you if they don't Then you'll know they're lost last question Um, I've been talking to this boy for a year now, and he's still very indecisive about being official Get rid of him. No, okay. I don't agree. Do you know no, I say give him an ultimatum No, one entire year. He had 12 months, 52 weeks to make you his He's weighing out his options. He's waiting for something better to come along And he's entertaining you If you're not handling you just in case Yeah, why yeah, you're worth more than that you ask him What is your reason has have you given him an ultimatum if you have a baby give him the ultimatum? Why do you have to give someone an ultimatum? You have to it's not fair. You always give him a chance No, they should want to be with you an ultimatum is not giving him a chance. No, it is It's been No, they should just want to be with you you deserve someone who wants to be with you I would say just give like talk to them tell them what you're thinking because maybe they have no clue that you feel Yeah, this and you know, maybe they think you're happy with everything So so many of my friends so many of them get strung along by guys these days And then as soon as they give the guy the ultimatum, he's like, oh, but I'm not sure thinking you still get away with it She cuts him off Not even a week later We'll be sitting down at shisha or whatever and he's ringing and ringing then the next friend He's texting and texting they all come running back because they think they can tell we call that satan They basically push you so much and then once you reach your limit, you're gone and they're like She's gone.    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