One day, when Sir Caledor was away hunting in the woods, a lawless tribe of brigands invaded the country where the shepherds dwelt, ravaged their houses, murdered the shepherds, and drove away their flocks. Old Melaby and all his household were led away captive, and with them also was taken Corridan. In the dead of night, so that no one might see or rescue them, the robbers carried their prey to their dwelling. This was on a little island, so covered with dense brushwood that there seemed no way for people to pass in or out, or to find footing in the overgrown grass, for the way it was made underground, through hollow caves that no man could discover, because of the thick shrubs which hid them from sight. Through all the inner parts of their dwelling, the darkness of night daily hovered. They were not lighted by any window or opening in the roof, but with continual candle-light, which made a dim and uncertain gloom. Hither the brigands brought their prisoners, and kept them under constant watch and ward, meaning, as soon as they conveniently could, to sell them as slaves to merchants who would either keep them in bondage or sell them again. But the captain of the brigands was enchanted with the loveliness of Pastorella, and determined to keep her for himself. When therefore the other prisoners were brought forward to be sold, so that the money received for them might be divided equally among the band, he held back Pastorella, saying that she was his prize alone, with whom no one else had anything to do. Besides he added she was now so weak and waned through illness that she was worth nothing as merchandise, and then he showed her to them to prove how pale and ill she was. The sight of her wondrous beauty, though now worn and faded, and only to be dimly seen by candle-light, so amazed at the eyes of the merchants that they utterly refused to buy any of the other prisoners without her, and offered to pay large sums of gold. Then the captain bade them be silent. He refused to sell the maiden. They could take the rest if they would, this one he would keep for himself. Some of the other chief robbers boldly forbade him to do this injury, for the maiden, much as it grieved him, should be sold with the rest of the captives in order to increase their price.  From words they rapidly fell to blows, and the candle being soon quenched in the conflict the fight raged furiously in the dark. But first of all they killed the captives, lest they should join against the weaker side or rise against the remnant. Old Meloby and his aged wife were slain, and many others with them, but Corridan, escaping craftily, crept out of doors, hidden in the darkness, and fled away as fast as he could. Unhappy Pastorella was defended all the time by the captain of the brigands, who, more careful of her safety than of his own, kept his target always stretched over her. At length he was slain, yet, even in his fall, continued with his extended arms to shelter Pastorella, who, wounded with the same stroke, fell to the ground with him. With the death of the captain the fray ceased, and the brigands lighting fresh candles, made search to see who was slain, friends and foes. There they found their captain cruelly killed, and in his arms the dying maiden. But seeing that life still lingered, they busily applied all their skill to call her soul back to its home, and so well did they work that at last they restored her to life. This done they placed her in charge of one of the brigands, who kept her in harsh and wretched thralldom, scarcely allowing her food or rest, or suffering her wounds to be properly tended. Mr. Calador, meanwhile, having returned from the wood, and found the cottage to spoil, and his love reft away, waxed almost mad with grief and rage. To add to his anguish there was not a soul of whom he could inquire anything. He sought the woods, but he could see no man. He sought the plains, but could hear no tidings. The woods only repeated vain echoes. The plains were waste and empty. Where once the shepherds played their pipes and fed a hundred flocks, there now he found not one. At last, as he roamed up and down, he saw a man coming towards him, who seemed to be some wretched peasant in ragged clothes, with hair standing on end, as if he fled from some recent danger which still followed close behind. As he came near, the night saw it was Corridan. Running up to him, Mr. Calador asked, where were the rest, where was Pastorella? Bursting into tears, Corridan told how they had been seized by the brigands and carried to their den. He described how they were to have been sold as slaves and the quarrel that had arisen over Pastorella. He told how the captain had tried to defend her. But what could he do alone against them all? he added. He could not save her. In the end she must surely die. I only escaped in the uproar and confusion, and it were better to be dead with them than to see all this place where we dwelt together in joy, desolate and waste. Calador was at first almost distracted at hearing this dreadful news, but presently recovering himself he began to cast about in his mind how he might rescue Pastorella if she were still alive, or how he should revenge her death, or if he were too weak to avenge her then at least he could die with her. Therefore he prayed Corridan, since he knew well the readyest way into the Thieves Den that he would conduct him there. Corridan was still so frightened that at first he refused, but at last he was persuaded by Sir Calador's entreaties and promises of reward. So forth they went together, both clad in Shepherd's dress and carrying their crooks, but Calador had secretly armed himself underneath. Then as they approached the place they saw upon a hill, not far away, some flocks of sheep and some shepherds, to whom they both agreed to take their way, hoping to learn some news. There they found, which they did not expect, the self-same flocks which the Bergens had stolen away, with several of the Thieves left to look after them. Corridan knew quite well his own sheep, and seeing them began to weep for pity, but when he saw the Thieves his heart failed him, although they were all asleep. He wanted Calador to kill them as they slept and drive away the sheep, but the night had another purpose in view. Waking the Bergens he sat down beside them and began to chat of different things, hoping to find out from them whether Pastorella were alive or slain. The Thieves in their turn began to question Sir Calador and Corridan, asking what sort of men they were and whence they came, to which they replied that they were poor herdsmen who had fled from their masters, and now sought hire elsewhere. The Thieves, delighted to hear this, offered to pay them well if they would tend their flocks, for they themselves were bad herdsmen, they said, not accustomed to watching cattle or pasture sheep, but to foray the land or scour the sea. Sir Calador and Corridan agreed to keep the flocks, so there they stayed all day as long as the light lasted. When it grew towards night the robbers took to their dens, which they soon got to know quite well, and where they sought out all the secret passages, there they found to their joy and surprise that Pastorella still lived, watching their opportunity one dead of night, when all the Thieves were sound asleep after a recent foray. Sir Calador made his way to the captain's den. When he came to the cave he found it fast, but he assailed the door with irresistible might and burst the lock. One of the robbers, awaking at the noise, ran to the entrance, but the bold night easily slew him. Pastorella in the meanwhile was almost dead with fright, believing it to be another uproar such as she had lately seen. But when Sir Calador came in and began to call for her, knowing his voice she suddenly revived and her soul was filled with rapture. No less rejoiced Calador when he found her, and like one distracted he caught her in his arms and kissed her a thousand times. By this time the hue and cry was raised and all the brigands came crowding to the cave, but Sir Calador stood in the entry and slew each man as he advanced, so that the passage was lined with dead bodies. Then, when no more could get near him, he rested till the morning, when he made his way into the open light. Near all the rest of the brigands were ready waiting for him, and fiercely assailing him fell on him with all their might. But Calador, with his raging brand, divided their thickest troops and scattered them wide. Like a lion among a herd of deer, so did he fly among them, hewing and slaying all that came near, so that none dared face the danger, but fled from his wrath to hide from death in their caves. Then returning to his dear lady he brought her forth into the joyous light, and did everything he could to make her forget the troubles through which she had passed. From the thieves' den he took all the spoils and treasures of which they had robbed other people, and all the flocks which they had stolen from Mellaby he restored to Corridan. The beast with a thousand tongues. Sir Calador, having rescued Pastorella from the brigands' den, took her to the castle of Belgard, where the good Sir Belamore was lured, and there a strange thing happened. Years before Sir Belamore had secretly married a beautiful maiden called Clarabel, the daughter of a rich and powerful man known by the name of the Lord of many islands. Her father had hoped, because of his great wealth, that his daughter would marry the prince of a neighbouring country, and when he found that she loved Sir Belamore, he was in such a rage that he threw them in two deep dungeons, forbidding them ever to see each other. When Clarabel was in prison, a little daughter was born to her. But, fearing lest her father should get hold of it, she entrusted it to her handmaid, Melissa, to have it brought up as a stranger's child. The trusty damsel carried it into an empty field, and having kissed and wept over it, placed it on the ground, and hit herself behind some bushes near to see what mortal would take pity on the poor little infant. At length the shepherd, who kept his fleecy flocks on the plains around, led by the infant's cry, came to the place, and when he found there the abandoned treasure, he took it up, and wrapping it in his mantle, bore it home to his honest wife, whoever afterwards brought it up as her own child. Clarabel and Belemore remained a long time in captivity, till at last the Lord of many islands died, and left them all his possessions. Then the tide of fortune turned, they were restored to freedom, and rejoiced in happiness together. They had lived for a long time in peace and love when Sir Calador brought Pastorella to the castle. Here they both received the heartiest welcome, for Sir Belemore was an old friend of Calador's, and loved him well, and Clarabel seeing how weak and wan Pastorella was after her long captivity, tended her with the greatest love and care. Now it happened that before the handmaiden parted with the infant, she noticed on its breast a little purple mark, like a rose unfolding its silken leaves. The same maiden Melissa was appointed to wait on Pastorella, and one morning when she was helping her to dress, she noticed on her chest the rosy mark which she remembered well on the little infant, Clarabel's daughter. Full of joy she ran in haste to her mistress, and told her that the beautiful lady was no other than the little child who had been born in prison. Then Clarabel ran quickly to the stranger maiden, and finding it was even as Melissa said, she clasped her in her arms and held her close, weeping softly and saying, and do you now live again, my daughter, and are you still alive whom long I mourned as dead? Then there was great rejoicing in the castle of Belgaard. Meanwhile Sir Calador was pursuing the quest of the blatant beast, seeking him in every place with unresting pain and toil, and following him by his destroying track, for wherever the monster went he left behind him ruin and devastation. At last in a narrow place Sir Calador overtook him, and fiercely assailing forced him to turn. Then the blatant beast ran at him with open mouth, huge and horrible. It was all set with a double row of iron teeth, and in it were a thousand tongues of every kind and quality. Some were of dogs that barked day and night. Some of cats that yalled. Some of bears that growled continually. Some of tigers that seemed to grin and snarl at all who passed by. But most of them were tongues of mortal men, who poured forth abuse, not caring where nor when, and among them were mingled here and there the tongues of serpents, with three forked stings that spat out poison at all who came within reach, speaking hateful things of good and bad alike, of high and low, not even sparing kings or kaisers, but either blotting them with infamy or biting them with their baneful teeth. But Calador, not in the least afraid of this horrid spectacle, met him with such impetuous might that he checked his violence and beat him back.  But the knight, being well on guard, cast his shield between, and putting forth all his strength, forced him to fall back, and when he was down he threw his shield on him and pinned him to the ground. He veined at the beast rage and roar, for the more he strove the more firmly the knight held him so that he was almost mad with spite.  When the monster saw force was of no avail he began to use his hundred tongues, and reviled and railed at the knight with bitter terms of infamy, weaving in many a forged lie whose likes Ser Calador had never heard or thought of. Yet for all that he did not let the creature go, but held him so tight that he nearly choked him. At last when he found his strength failing and his rage lessening, Ser Calador took a strong muzzle of the stoutest iron, made with many a link with which he fastened up his mouth, shutting up therein his blasphemous tongue, so that he should never more defame gentle knight or wrong lovely lady, and to this he tied a great long chain with which he dragged him forth in spite of himself. The hideous beast chafed inwardly at these strange bonds which no one till then had dared to impose on him. Yet he dared not draw back, nor attempt to resist the power of the noble Calador, but trembled before him, and followed like a frightened dog. All through fairyland he followed him thus, as if he had learned obedience, so that all the people wherever he went, thronged out of the town to see Ser Calador lead the blatant beast in bondage, and seeing it were amazed at the sight. And all such people as he had formerly wronged rejoiced to see him a captive, and many wondered at the beast, but more wondered at the knight. Thus was this monster suppressed and tamed by the mastering might of the Dottie Calador, and so for a long time he remained. But at last, either by wicked fate or the fault of men, he broke his iron chain and got again at liberty into the world, and here he still ranges, barking and biting, sparing no one in his malice, and doing an infinite deal of mischief wherever he goes. And since the days of the good Ser Calador no man has ever been able to master him. End of Stories from the Fairy Queen by Mary MacLeod.


I made a huge mistake and in today's video I'm gonna tell you about it. Here's the thing, let me take you back a little bit. I think it was like four or five years. I just finished up my first year at university, thank goodness I'd been done that, but then I wanted to invest my efforts in making YouTube content. That's what I was passionate about. I wanted to make content about Jesus and what it looked like to follow him and theology and apologetics and all that good stuff. So I started putting out more videos and one time I put out a video, one of the first videos that I put out was called the pursuit of pleasure, a road to destruction or something ominous like that. Within the video, and I'm not going to show it to you, I watched it recently and it's just so bad on so many levels, not just from like the theological concepts in it, but also how it's shot and stuff like that. It's just like painful, so I don't want to subject you guys to that. But basically in the video I paint this picture that you're either kind of on this road of trying to pursue pleasure or you're sucking it up and pursuing Christ and picking up your cross and following him even though it's not fun, it's like what you should do. That might be ringing true for you and it definitely did when I made the video and maybe some concepts in there are correct, but the emphasis was totally off. I was wrong and one of the reasons was that I didn't point out the difference between godly pleasure and worldly pleasure because there is a difference. Here's what the Bible says about worldly pleasure. It says, I do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes and the pride and possessions is not from the Father, but from the world. So obviously worldly pleasures are not good. Okay, we can all agree that is not good, but there are godly pleasures. What does godly pleasure look like? Well, this is exactly what I'm learning in this book called When I Don't Desire God by John Piper. The subtitle is How to Fight for Joy and it talks a lot about how we should be finding our delight and our pleasure in Christ and so it's not that pleasure in and of itself is a bad thing that we should just be sad all the time. We'll talk about this in a second, but it's not just like that kind of thing. It's that we should be finding our delight and our joy in Christ and through Christ. So obviously God's not just calling us to ponies and rainbows and just fluffy clouds and, you know, cotton candy. Of course, this joy isn't just all fluffy, right? And we need to pick up our cross. We need to follow Christ. Yes, of course, all that is true. But what I was missing was that my joy was to be made complete in Christ. I was working so hard to try to do the things that God wanted me to do out of duty and out of obligation and to just kind of power through. And it was pretty miserable to be honest. But then I began to come across verse after verse after verse about the joy of the Lord. And I began to think, man, maybe I have this wrong. These things I have spoken to you that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be made complete, John 1511. In some ways, I saw Christianity as this mournful anxiety filled, treading along with no real joy. Yeah, we say we have joy. Oh, you know, it's joy. It's not happiness. It's this, you know, inner thing. And even though I wasn't experiencing that, that was what I would have said. But at the time, was I experiencing any joy? No. And then I began to dig even deeper and explore verses like this, for he satisfies the longing soul and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Or like this, you make known to me the path of life in your presence. There is fullness of joy at your right hand or pleasures forever more. I was missing something that was joy that I was yet to tap into. And I didn't know how. But at the same time, what was evident to me was there are trials and tribulations in this life. So why is the Bible constantly calling us to joy even though we experience so much pain and suffering? And also I began to come across these people and I have for, you know, pretty much my whole life that basically say Christians should always be happy. And those people I could not stand. So I feel like in some ways I went to the other ditch. And it's not true Christians aren't supposed to be happy all the time. We see examples of this in the Bible. David lamented when Saul and Jonathan died. Also the disciples, they mourned. They were sorrowful. They lamented when Stephen was martyred. Think of Jesus himself when his friend Lazarus died. He wept. In Matthew 5.4 we hear Jesus saying, blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Okay, so there is such a thing as biblical sorrow. It's the recognition and the reality that suffering and pain and sin, they do have consequences and we experience those on a very real personal emotional level. We're not just these sticks of bricks. We are walking around. No, we experience this. But this sorrow is seen in light of the Savior's victory. I've said these things to you that you may have peace in this world. You will have tribulation, but take heart for I have overcome the world. Okay, things are getting out of hand. I'm going to try to connect all of this right now. So this idea that Christians are supposed to be happy all the time, that's not true. Yes, we experience suffering. Yes, we experience trials, tribulation. We experience biblical godly sorrow at times. But we also need to understand, okay, our joy, where are we finding our joy in those moments of trials and tribulations? Because for me, it was often looking to the world to try to appease me or satisfy me or turning to the world to delight in social media or movies or videos, something to distract me as opposed to turning to Christ. Here's the thing, our joy ought not be contingent on our specific circumstances. See, you might hear that a lot from Christians. They say, you know, joy is just kind of something that's there and you just kind of always have it and happiness goes and comes and, you know, but joy, it's always there. Why is that? Why would that joy always be there? Well, actually, for me, the joy is not always there. It's not just like the intellectual reality that God won and that's joy, because joy is also a feeling. It's also like an experience that you feel. And so this idea that, oh, you always experience it. It's like, no, like I understand what people are talking about. They're like, there's just something deeper. And I get that at the same time, though, how do we find that? How do we find that like experience of joy? Because it seems so elusive. I know a lot of people, they're looking around. They're like, how do I find this?  They're not delighting in Him. They're not finding joy in Him. Why is that? Well, you know, it's mainly because of sin. It's mainly because we don't enjoy and find pleasure in the best things.  We're consuming this stuff, but we've lost sight on who should be our primary affection and our primary delight and our primary, you know, joy. It should be Christ. And man, I don't know how to change your mind and your thoughts. Like, this is pretty much what the whole book is about. It's like, okay, well, we recognize that Christ should be our primary delight and we should find joy in Him and through Him. How does that happen? Well, it's through God's sovereignty in enacting transformation in our hearts. So then we actually desire Him. So we actually find pleasure in Him. So we actually can find joy because joy is a gift. You can't just manufacture it out of nothing. That comes from God. So what do we do? Well, for me, it's like, okay, I'm going to go to prayer. I'm going to get in the Word. I'm going to come to know and taste and see that the Lord is good. That's what gets me excited because, look, if I'm not in the space where I'm delighting in the Lord, if I find, oh man, other things so much more attractive and I just continue to feed myself that garbage, man, nothing is going to change in my life. I'm just going to be satisfied and apathetic to the things of God. But if I truly desire that I would come to delight in the Lord, look, I'm going to pursue Him. And Jeremiah, God says, if you seek me, you will find me. And so that's pretty much the calling of a Christian is to recognize our own shortcoming and humble ourselves to realize that we haven't been delighting in the things that we ought to be delighting in. And for some of us, man, we just believe that there's no joy to be found whatsoever in Christianity. We just think, ah, man, it's just going to be, you know, we're connected with the truth. You know, Christianity is true, but it's not the fun road. It's the sad kind of miserable road. And look, there are trials and temptations. Look, you are going to be subject to persecution and perhaps even martyrdom. That's what the book talks about, like John Piper is like clarifying. He's like, hey, I'm not saying that this is going to be all ponies and rainbows when all of a sudden you realize that your primary objective as a Christian is to light in the Lord and enjoy Him and, you know, find your joy in Him. It's like, that doesn't mean that your life is going to be yippy-skippy, but it does mean that you're actually like focusing on the main point, like you're actually living out what God has called you to. And that's so exciting, but it's not going to be easy. And so how can we even in the midst of trials, tribulations, suffering, realize that there is so much delight and pleasure to be found in Christ? I love this quote from John Piper. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. Are we satisfied in Him? Are we? Are we turning to the things of this world? I think for me, my main objective is to stop chewing on the junk food of the world and begin to taste and see that the Lord is good, to seek Him with my whole heart and to have my joy be made complete in Him, to rejoice in the Lord always. And I say again, rejoice, to have that dwelling in my heart richly, like, that's the goal, man. That's the goal. That's what it's all about, is to enjoy God and see His glory reign over the earth and through believers. And that is just so exciting to me. Thank you so much for watching this video. I know this is a new set we got going on here. Well, a little bit different setup than usual. So I hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoy this video, please give it a like and subscribe because I'm putting out new videos all the time. This video is made possible, possible. This video is made possible by my patrons on Patreon. It is only because of your guysport that I can continue to make this Christ-centered content. So if you enjoy it, I'd encourage you to head to the link in my bio and support me today. That would be a huge help and a huge blessing. I will see you guys next time. God bless.


I had to talk with B. White, he mentioned it to me about what you think about doing today and the two people or the judges. Well? And I think this is excellent. A few people want me to do it. I don't want to do it just because they serve them out and got no one else because I've got 40 men that would like to have a judge. But if these are the best ones in the community and we can give them some recognition and our people will understand it and you all can do something about letting them know that I'm not a hater and a beggar. You know that but most of them don't. They keep saying I have all this trouble in the Negro community and I've never heard an Negro say that. I have neither. I've got a new secretary here. Do you know this little Whittington girl? I heard about that. She's in my office and she's my personal secretary and I took a church with me yesterday in Stonewall, Texas and she stayed in my home down there for two weeks and most confident person in the world. But we're just doing fine. I've got to get two good civil rights commissioners. I want to point to these judges but they keep reading in the columnist where they don't quote you and they don't quote Roy Wilkins and they don't quote Farmer and they don't quote Martin Luther King. They don't quote Phil Randolph because every damn one of them knows that I'm stronger for them than yell anybody around this place and I have been all these years. Well, I did. You know, last night in the TV film I don't know what you saw at the duties of the president, the job-facing you and all this. Oh, I didn't. Well, they quoted again from us and showed pictures of our meeting with you. Oh, that's good. And this was awful good. Well, but Jet Magazine... Well, Jet did. Well, not Jet this past week. He talked about this Whittington and I think their whole tone has changed after I talked with you. Oh, that's good then. That's good. I hadn't seen it. I didn't see it when it's bad. Well, they have a beautiful story on Miss Whittington and I didn't know that. I didn't know that. But you see, some of these people, they figure their role, just like they were with the FK, they figure their role is to stick pins in. But I wouldn't get too concerned about this. Well, I do want to get concerned because I want them to know that I'm their friend. Well, you make moves like you think to do today. You don't have any question on this. Well, I'm afraid they just think, well, that's because somebody recommended this with Kennedy. No, that won't happen. All right, now, if you want it, it'll be done. I want it. Now, the president wanted it and he would have done it and I feel like I've got an obligation to it. But I don't want to do it unless the whole Negro community knows that I'm done it and the Democrats have done it and that it was this damn jet and the rest of them quit cutting us up saying we hate the niggers. Well, you won't have that to worry about this and what we want. It'll be done. All right. Thank you, Whitney. Thank you. And you'll be my ambassador. Now, talk to him about it. Okay. All right. I'll do it.


I would like to very, very much thank NotBound, who is our local Australian co-production team. I'm also extending sincere thanks to the iconic Stonewall of Sydney here on Oxford Street in Sydney, Australia, for donating this wonderful space for these interviews. I welcome Iskahnel to the fireside chats. Thanks Doug. I'm glad you're here. So let's begin right at the beginning. Tell me a little bit about where you grew up and about your family, your early life. So I grew up in a town called Merrywall, which is up the top of the Hunter Valley, roughly between Newcastle and Dubbo. Newcastle is about two and a half hours north of here, so Merrywall would be about a four or four and a half hour drive. So where we're filming today is on the lands of the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. I just wanted to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land that we're meeting on here today for those of you from around the world who might not be familiar with this place and these peoples. But regarding where I grew up, small town, 900 people, sheep farming, cattle farming, close to the mines. Newcastle is very much a coal city, like it's namesake, Sydney. Newcastle in the United Kingdom. Okay. Yeah. What sort of life did you have there? Was there a lot to do or were you very isolated? I lived there until I was 10 years old and at that time I've moved to Newcastle. Since then I've moved to Sydney. So I would say that I spent my childhood in Merrywall and my adolescence in Newcastle. My childhood was in a lot of ways idyllic. I was the only child. I had a Jack Russell terrier and then a miniature fox terrier. Classic small Australian dogs that are good with children and good at chasing mice and cats. I grew up in the Catholic faith and the memories of my childhood prior to moving to Newcastle are very warm, very, very soft. I had a lot of friends and even though I was the weird one, they didn't seem to mind. In a lot of ways I was always the ringleader. It was when I moved to Newcastle that things truly got interesting. Okay. Building on that a little bit, you told me that you knew you were kinky as a child and a lesbian at a very young age. How so? Tell us about that. I think knowing that you're a lesbian is something that you don't always have the words for but you always have that internal feeling. You know that you're not going to fit into that particular mould that all of the other young girls are going towards. The town that I grew up in did have a very high teen pregnancy rate and part of why we moved out of there was because I believe my mother sensed that I was gay from a very young age. She worked in the preschool that I went to in a town of eight or nine hundred people. There's not many alternatives as you can understand. One day, I don't remember this, but she says that one day I told her that I loved Barbie and my mother said, well, that's okay, Isabel, my birth name. Lots and lots of young girls loved Barbie and I said, oh no, mum, I love Barbie and I remember having a big crush. I think my first real crush was on my physical culture teacher. Physical culture is a unique regional Australian form of dance that's kind of a hybrid between marching and gymnastics and dancing to pop music. Hmm, okay. Think leotards and fancy hair and in a lot of variants, six-year-old girls with fake tan, but not me. I'm as pale as, you know, it wouldn't work for me to have that kind of fake tan. What was your attraction to this teacher? Older woman, caring, nurturing. And I guess that when you're that age and you live in such a small place in a small town, you find someone to, or most of the time you find someone to project a lot of those feelings onto that you don't necessarily have the language to talk about at that stage in your life. As for the kink part of it, that came a little bit later. I think the first signs of it, and it goes to say now that I'm a needle top and a fisting top. The first signs of that were perhaps inserting pins and badges under the tips of my fingers and the palms of my fingers at school as a hobby. And my mother being horrified and consistently saying to me, no, don't do that, Isabel, you'll get an infection. I never got an infection. I just got into trouble. What trouble? Uh, told off. My mother has a way with words and that sharp tenacity has definitely been transmitted to me. So you were in a very sort of isolated situation. So any kind of kink that you were exploring was strictly from your own imagination. Did you have outside information coming that was educating you at all? From the time that we got the internet at my house when I was about 10 or 11 years old, we certainly did. I spent many, many hours unsupervised on a computer at the other end of my parents' house. This is back in the day when it was dial-up. We didn't have Tumblr or Reddit or anything like that back then, but we did have Google and a lot of other websites that you could look at. I went looking initially for information about gay and lesbian sex education because the teachers at my school flat out refused to teach anything that wasn't scientifically relevant to STI prevention or pregnancy prevention, which to me was strange because if you're going to touch STI prevention surely you should also talk about men that have sex with men at the very least.  I find that fascinating that that would even be brought up in an academic situation. Kink wasn't in an academic situation.  How did you even know where to look for any of this? I'm pretty intelligent and I was exposed to a lot of older people from the time that I moved to Newcastle, people who were much older than me and much smarter than me. Were they openly speaking of these topics? I'm trying to understand how someone in that demographic even had a clue about homosexuality. I think that there are obviously cultural differences between the United States and here. Over here, Mardi Gras is mentioned on the news regularly at the time that I was growing up. This will make you shudder. I was 11 years old in 2004 when John Howard intentionally redefined the Marriage Act to prevent same-sex couples from marrying in Australia. Naturally, that had a massive furor and then in 2009 there were policy changes so that we can't get married, but de facto couples have the same rights and therefore the same responsibilities as opposite-sex couples. It was an ongoing theme across my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood of the slow and ferocious rise of LGBTIQ rights in Australia. Now we're at a stage where the right-wing are now taking out their fury and their discriminatory values on transgender and gender-diverse people and also you look at some of the disgusting political comics and they always equate homosexuality with BDSM. And for me, the issue is not the equation because a lot of us do like both. The issue is the degradation and the insinuation that that is a bad thing. Yes, yes. Was there anything shocking to you that you discovered in your early exploration on the internet? No, I think that it came real for me the first time that I attended Mardi Gras. It was 2008 or 2009, so I was about 15 or 16. We'd caught the train down from Newcastle and I remember standing in Hyde Park back when you could still stand in Hyde Park and taking photographs on my Nikon D60 and seeing the bears and then seeing the Leather Pride float. And I believe it was that year that there were cages and whips and live displays. And I look back at the photos that I took of that now and there's only a couple because the parade moves so fast and I recognise basically everyone in those photos. How fascinating. You mentioned that you could stand in Hyde Park at that time. Is that not permitted anymore? Just logistically, so for those of you who have been to Mardi Gras or have marched in Mardi Gras, you'll know that a lot of the surrounding streets in Hyde Park, parts of William Street and Euron Crescent, even parts of the city in Liverpool Street because there are so many floats. All of that is blocked off for the entire day as like a marshalling or start area. And now Hyde Park is obviously part of that as well. It has its own little pre-parade vibe. It's quite amazing. So you were very young when you initially came down to see this parade. How did your parents feel about a young girl coming in doing that? My mother came with me. Oh. Yeah, I'd already come out to them by that stage and obviously there's a lot of fear there. My parents are quite open-minded and accepting people. There's not much that scares my mother. She worked in public health for a number of years. Tell us a little bit about your coming out. I think the first time that I openly said mum, I'm a lesbian and from what I gather this is a very common thing. I made sure that she was driving me somewhere in a car. That way she still has to focus on what she's physically doing and she can't lash out in any way. And I knew my mother would not lash out.  Well, tell us about your first sexual relationships. Oh, I actually don't remember the first person that I had sex with. It was that long ago. I had a series of affairs and flings between the ages of about 14, 15 and 23, 24. It's only really been in the last two or three years that I've actually done serious relationships of any kind. A lot of those were with older women. The last woman I dated and we dated, you know, the amount of time that we were sleeping together and then the amount of time that we dated was about a year, which is a bit of a record for me. She's 33, so she's seven years older than me and she's the youngest woman that I've ever really dated. So I think that older women and particularly experienced leather women are my thing from a very young age. How did you locate these people? I think the way that anyone meets other people, as much as a lot of people my age in Australia use Tinder or a set, specifically lesbian, they might use apps such as Her and Zoe and I can't even remember. I'm not a dating app kind of girl, but I met a lot of them, you know, friends of friends out at social events, going specifically to various events because I wanted to meet those kinds of people. I discovered during my high school certificate years, which is the equivalent of the last two years of American schooling, so junior senior year. We do year 11 and year 12 to receive the high school certificate here in New South Wales. I did visual arts for that as a specific subject and in trying to find images of the gay community, I stumbled across the works of Tom of Finland. And I knew that I liked that look, but instead of it being a handsome man with short hair, I wanted it to be a handsome woman with short hair, especially as I'd grown up next to a Butch Femme couple in Mayfield. I loved them both, but it was the Butch Chef that I did fantasise about a lot. How did the women receive you as a young woman coming into the situation? Was there any awkwardness? I'm not sure about overseas, but in the gay community here in Australia, it's an unspoken thing that quite often there are large age discrepancies in our relationships. I know gay couples that have been together for 20 odd years where one man will be 40 and one man will be 70. The lesbian community, sometimes it's like that. Quite often it's not. You only have to look, I guess, at the woman, what's her name, the woman who was in Two and a Half Men and her girlfriend Sarah Paulson, Holland Taylor. Holland Taylor's in her 70s and Sarah Paulson's in her early 40s. So I think there's a lot of stigma around it, but it still is common and it also, therefore, is common in the leather community. Well, speaking of the leather community, you entered the scene at age 18. Tell us how that happened. That's very young. Yeah, your country doesn't really do it that young because your drinking age is 21, right? I remember in 2015 coming over to International Women's Leather and being 22 and when I told various people, because they all assumed I was very fresh, and when you tell them that you've been in the community for four years at that stage, their mouths kind of pop open. The Americans are very hospitable and warm, but as to how I got involved over here, I went to Fair Day, which is like a massive pre-parade event held usually two Sundays before our parade. And it's at Victoria Park, which is a massive park near the university, near Central Station. And we get, I think it's like 100,000 people at Fair Day. My gosh. Stalls, fairs, dog show, performers. And I came across the Bear Tree, which is where the bears hang out, and next to them the Leather Folk with the Sydney Leather Pride Store. And I think it was Dean from Demon Leather who doesn't, as far as I'm aware, create leather. Items anymore was selling some wristbands, and I bought one from him. My mother was impatiently tut-tutting and waiting to move on as soon as possible, but I saw people that I had recognised from the floats. And I knew that I wanted to suss that out. From there, when I did Turn 18, I believe it was an ex-boyfriend who sent me a link to an event that was held at the Red Ratler Theatre, another independent queer arts venue here in Sydney in the suburb Maricville. I went to that event, and the first night that I was there, I got to see Matt Steg performing in Dickey and Dickey, which is where he and another performer dress up in drag, but it's not drag as we know it. It's crotchety old lady drag.  And gay men in leather harnesses and a real queer aesthetic vibe to it of all sexualities and all genders and all presentations rather than the strict white gay men in a harness stuff that you might see at other leather parties here. Things float on from there. Well, tell us about the Harbour City Bears. I mean, a moment ago you alluded to finding that group and the Leather Group, you were affiliated with Harbour City Bears, and how did that come about? Like a lot of things, one thing led to another. At Camp Betty, I met Kerry Bashford, who is basically the Australian epitome of the daddy.  Vaguely themed, but most people do whatever the hell they want from the wildly outrageous to the politically incorrect.  Not my fetish. He encouraged me to go to bear events with him, and from there it was a slow trajectory of about three or four years where I volunteered at various events, and I was eventually not so much invited but requested by Johnnie Tyndall to run for the committee in 2017. I was the first woman elected to the committee of a bear club in Australia, and it's a rarity here because a lot of the bear clubs here are strictly men only. There is a slow shift now. I've noticed that brisbears for their northern exposure events in Brisbane this year actively invited and welcomed women to some of their events, but I know that my involvement has been largely welcomed here in Sydney because women have always been involved in this club, especially Leather Dykes, but at the same time because of the regional differences in behaviours and expectations and cultures, wildly controversial in other places. What set you apart in order to become the first woman to make that big step? I was the first one that wanted to do it. Okay. I think that would have been open to it from any number of other women that were involved in the club long-term, but I was the first one that put my hand up and I believe that that election looked a lot of the guys knew me from back when I was on the committees of Sydney Leather Pride, back when I was the women's officer there and also from my involvement in a lot of other different community groups. I've been everywhere, man, to quote that song. But at that election I believe or I've been told that I received the most votes out of anyone that contested the election. So it's nice to see that while some segments of our community do uphold staunch men-only politics, the bear is not necessarily. How did the women's community react to your achievements getting involved with the bearers? It depends which segment of the women's community. I've started riding a motorcycle and I've always had some involvement with dykes on bikes, at least on a friendly or associate basis. I know that a lot of the extended women's community were supportive, but as for any kind of formal or widespread consensus or recognition, they're not good at that over here in any sense in the first place. And I've never really felt a true connection to any lesbian communities here in Sydney. It's a hard one because I'm not a gay man. I don't date men, but I find the leather community to be my home even though it is fairly male-centric here in Australia. It's a hard one. I dragged my last female partner into the leather community and she loves it. She loves the boys, all of my exes do to an extent. But I guess it's a challenging one for me in a lot of respects. Was there any animosity from the women's community? Animosity, no. Confusion, yes. Those that knew me and knew my involvement with the bears thought it was fabulous, especially the ones that had always wanted to get involved. And even now, this is my third year on the committee, and I'm often having women and trans people of all sorts of genders come up to me and say, I'd like to be involved. You run the volunteer program. Can I help out an event? Even though I'm not a member. Even though I'm not a man.   Yes, yes, yes. I think in the same way that what I saw at International Miss Leather was inclusive, what I really admired about that event was the concept of men of IMSL, that strong supportive contingent of men, cis and trans men who knew that IMSL wasn't about them, but wanted to help and wanted to support in constructive and meaningful ways, putting their money where their mouth was. I think that the women that do that here, it's a lot smaller. I would say that it's in the double digits in Sydney, but we still contribute to the community in quite a strong way. I can't help but ask. There's a lot of division in many communities between men and women in the leather community. What you're depicting is a very specific niche you have for yourself. How do you see that in comparison to the division that we more commonly see? I like to put my finger in many pies of all types, often not just a finger, but a whole hand. Hashtag red on the left. I think that I've been involved with a number of different communities that feature or focus on women organisations such as Twisted Sisters, Leather Pride, when it was still more prevalent. I would say that here in Sydney a lot of the events can be classified as either gay, male or pansexual events such as Hellfire run by Ultra and Tom. You'll be meeting Ultra later in the week. There are a lot of spaces for a lot of people and whilst I might prefer or feel like I belong in certain spaces my parents raised me to be someone who can be comfortable in all spaces and talking to all people. You've served on a lot of committees though too, not just with the bears. Tell us a little bit about that. It started off back to when I was 18. I wanted to go to everything and anything that I could get my hands on, meet new people, learn new things, have new experiences. Quite often there's a price for admission in terms of a fee or other associated expenses and when you're an 18 year old university student you can't always afford that. So volunteering and even actively offering to volunteer became a really good entry point for me. I found that a lot of promoters and a lot of events are really open to the idea of if you volunteer for me for an hour or two with either set up or on the day, come in for free. We might even give you a few drinks and when you volunteer you meet people because you're involved in the logistics and the operation of that event. So from there I was often either invited or encouraged to join various committees because I studied law, I have a good background in that and now I've completed an honours degree in social work and so I would say that my professional interests are persons and professional practice and systems and that translates into my personal interests of social justice and human rights which is what a lot of these communities do focus on. The leather community and the bears, we fund, raise and we donate a lot of money to various causes, dykes on bikes do as well. What causes? A lot of the popular ones are ACON which is Sydney's formerly known as the AIDS Council of New South Wales, so an LGBTIQ health promotion charity. 2010 which is a Sydney based LGBTIQ youth service for people between the ages of about 12 and 26. The Gender Centre which is for trans and gender diverse people. Even smaller groups and peripheral organisations like even stuff that has nothing to do with the community but queer people volunteer for like Wires which is an animal rescue service or Bee Miles which is a women's housing charity. We try and help out where we can because we know what it's like to be discriminated against and we want to also therefore make these services in the wake of an increasingly conservative government which directly underspends on people with disability for the sake of an imaginary surplus. It's up to each and every one of us to keep doing what we can for the community in whatever way we can. Have you any idea of how much money you've raised? Personally. Or the organisations? I would say that if I put together all of the figures for all of the organisations that I've volunteered for since I was 18, it easily hits the six figures. That's significant. And I'm also one of the few people in the LGBTIQ community here who are eligible to donate blood and plasma. So I march myself down to Town Hall Blood Donor Clinic every two weeks and I donate plasma because I know there are people here in our even in our community who need blood and plasma products to survive. You said you're one of the few people eligible to do it. Australia don't allow men who have sex with men to donate unless they've been celibate for a year. And that's a hard ask for a lot of people and an unrealistic ask. So I do occasionally cop a lot of flak for donating. Why? Some leather men have said to me, why do you bother? We can't do it. Why are you bothering the discriminatory? To which I say I completely agree with you. They're doing it based on outdated science, especially as Truvada and Prep are now... I remember when Dale Apple ran for Mr Harbour City Bear and he talked about Prep on stage and he asked the audience. He said, how many of us here are on Prep? He put up his hand and I looked around the room and I was expecting to see maybe a couple of people and it was at least half the room. That's encouraging. It's really good. But as I'm a woman that only sleeps with women and I am in fairly good physical health and I meet all of the other really stringent requirements to donate blood and plasma, I do it every two weeks. I'll continue to do so. That's wonderful. It's a really important thing for me to do because I can't necessarily donate $800 every two weeks, but I know that those products add up to the value of about $800 to $1,000 based on the value that the healthcare system... And we are lucky to have such a robust universal healthcare system here in Australia. It's not perfect. It does have its teething issues, but it's a good thing. You're not going to go broke if you have cancer. So if I can help in some small way, whether it's that or the leather community or any other community, it's part of my values as a social worker and as a leather woman to put my money where my mouth is, even if that money comes out of my arm. That is a beautiful statement. Thank you. But switching gears slightly, when we were preparing for this interview, you mentioned that there are... What do you call them? Lockout laws that apply to many of the venues in the community. Please talk with us about that. What does that mean? So the lockout laws are a series of laws that determine how late in the evening you can enter a venue here in Sydney in specific areas of Sydney, and they were first trialled in Newcastle where I grew up. So I do enjoy snarkily telling people here in Sydney that it wasn't an issue for you guys until it actually hit Sydney.  They were introduced here in Sydney ostensibly to keep people safe because a number of young men were king hit and killed. But it often happened at 9 o'clock at night outside of venues. So relatively early? Relatively early. It's the advice of keeping people safe. And there are other add-ons like you're not allowed to have shots after midnight. The bar has to stop serving alcohol together at 3 a.m. You're not allowed to enter the venue after 1.30 or 2 a.m. depending on their licence. And once you leave, you can't get back in. At that time? Yep. So this was done ostensibly to protect people and to protect the interests of the wider community, but what has ended up happening is clubs suffering, bars shutting down, venues dying, venues being brought, bought by bigger organisations like Merravale, run by Justin Hems, who's worth like a billion dollars and owns like 30 odd venues in Sydney. Universal hotel group who own a lot of our venues. But I would say Universal are a really good organisation and they support the Harbour City Bears and a lot of minority groups in a really meaningful way. But a lot of real estate has been sold off to developers at bargain basement rates. And the gay community has certainly suffered because even though none of that violence happened on Oxford Street for some reason, we were included in those lockouts. Where was it happening? The violence. Yes. King's Cross. Oh, okay. Different part of town then. Down there, about a kilometre, a bit less. You can walk between here and there easily. But there was no consistency or coherence in terms of how they applied those laws and it's led to a greater police state. Drug dogs that go through venues and harass people at Mardi Gras ostensibly under the instruction or direction of the police, but it's often led to homophobic and racist profiling of people we see in an outside or adjacent to our communities. It concerns me and it also makes me angry because as I came of age and as I was finally legally able to go to these venues the restrictions clamped down so tightly that the scene started to perish. Yeah. And now our premier has announced that she's getting rid of these lockout laws and I truly believe that a lot of that has to do with the fact that we've just won our bid to host World Pride in 2023. Uh-huh. And you can't have an international event of that size if no one wants to come to it because they've heard that the city is so... austere. Do you think it's strictly for that timeframe or do you think this is a sincere overall discard of the laws? I don't know. There's been no real timeframe announced as to when these laws will be changed. We're having a lot of debates here in Australia about do we decriminalise illicit drugs? Do we make it a public health issue instead of a criminal issue? I personally want to see it go that way because I've lost too many friends to drug and alcohol issues. My favourite young boy who I went to school with died when we were 21 and bearing a friend at that age is... shit. Yes. Well, I didn't bury him, but I wasn't able to talk to him for the last 12 months of his life and support him in his involvement in the leather community because his addiction was too hard for me to handle. Sure. I've had family members who grew up in abusive households that involved addiction and I need to stay away from that. Whilst I don't... whilst I seem to have missed out on the addiction gene, I do have the compulsion gene because of comorbid psychiatric issues that I do have and a lot of that is trauma. Trauma from growing up in a homophobic society, trauma from violence, trauma from abuse. I've learnt a lot, especially in the last year or two, about boundaries and self-respect and about making sure that I'm treated correctly, even in the face of people who don't value me or respect me. As such, I tend to hang around with the people that do. That's reasonable and that's a very strong statement that more people really ought to learn. I think that even as women, I've copped... I'll go out dressed like this on Oxford Street and wear shoes like this all the time. If you ever come to my apartment, you'll see that along the window and along some of the walls I've got boots hung on. Definitely a boot fetishist. But a lot of women, because they were not raised to have firm boundaries around who and how they can consent to their bodies being touched, they expect me to be the same and they will get angry if I enforce that and say, no, actually, don't touch me. I'm not a sideshow exhibit. I dress this way because I want to dress this way and I've spent many years refining my aesthetic and I'll continue to do so. I'm really inspired by women in the wider leather community like Lani Devi at Mistress Tokyo, others who have a real sharp sense of who they are and how they want to look and I take those cues and I make them my own. Taking a brief step back, you spoke briefly about drug use in the community a moment ago. What are your thoughts on the greater issue of drug use? I noticed when I went to the United States that there's very much what I perceived as a stratification between sober and addict. America doesn't seem to have a concept of recreational drug use. People at other parties will take substances or they will drink to excess or they'll do both. I know that when I go to extra dirty or to hide or a lot of other leather events, I will consume alcohol. I will probably consume a lot of alcohol. I'm surrounded by people on dance floors, men on dance floors coming together and sniffing ammo or giving each other wristies or that's a...  I'm sorry I don't. I was going to ask. Hand job. Oh, okay. Some of the vernacular doesn't carry one continent to the other. No, no. America, I noticed at IMSL that they do have that real stratification and this idea of you don't play unless you're sober. And whilst I do subscribe to that largely, I don't think it tells the full story and I know that I've seen it. International sash bearers or title holders have come over here and we've taken them to events and they have been horrified by the level of drug use here. They don't understand that a lot of people or a lot of us can get munted as we say wildly fucked up on all sorts of substances and I'm not disclosing whether or not I use those substances but people can use those substances on a Saturday or a Friday night and then go to work on Monday and don't need to do anything like that again for a week or several weeks or even months. It might just be a public holiday type of thing. What you're depicting is very similar to what I encounter in Amsterdam. Yeah, same thing. Kind of like Berlin as well. Having been to Folsom over there in 2013 I went there with Lioness and her then-husband and Aaron Sinclair who is a former president of Leather Pride and a queer man who was living over there at the time with his wife before they had kids and we did see that. We saw a lot of hedonism and it really broadened my experience of Leather and I know that a lot of the men were so amazed to see us because they don't see a lot of women at Folsom. Yeah, true. There is a fair bit of uniformity. A lot of variants but a lot of uniformity nonetheless in terms of that classic Leather men. Yes. I like that in a woman. But yeah, I think that we're closer to Europe in terms of our behaviours than we are to the United States. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing I think it's a bit of both. I know that there's a greater transference between America and the United States. We've sent a number of Sydney Miss Leathers and other associated people. Girl Ange and K.L. Joy they both competed at Imzal and Imz Baba. Yes. I really should refer to that organisation by its proper name now, Imzal Baba. Yes. It's been a while since I've been. I still have strong friendships at least online with a lot of the people I met there and that's been of real value to me and helped me develop as a Leather woman. Speaking of women how do you see the overall role of women in the Leather community? In the segments that... Sorry. In the segments that I hang out in most of the time we're not as prevalent as I would like. I feel like there are a lot of barriers to entry. I hear a lot of talk and a lot of real meaningful ambitions and desires for women to be further included in these events but the outreach is really slow. I know that as part of Sydney Fetish Week we organised and ran a group motorcycle ride between road runners, the fetish boys and dykes on bikes and that was the first such communal motorcycling event that this city has had in years. Oh my gosh. For a long time back when I started there was a concept of kindred organisations so I believe it was Harbour City Bears, Dykes on Bikes, FEMBuild and another organisation, maybe the wrestlers or the silverbacks or something, don't quote me on it but those organisations gave members of each organisation kindred recognition and associate discounts to their events. Somewhere along the line that fragmented, especially in the wake of the lockout laws and now a lot of us are trying to get that back. There are struggles in terms of politics. I was one of the people who was directly involved in the massive fraction in CalRiders Gear 365 group where he wanted to open it up to women and people of other genders and I saw a lot of comments during that time in those few days that really upset me and offended me regarding the validity of female leather identities so Cal was really really smart he turned the main group into an inclusive group and he created a side group which was a men's discussion group. I believe that every minority within our community has the right to create autonomous spaces but I don't believe that that autonomy should come at the expense of the overall inclusion of people who don't fit the main mould. That's a very strong statement. So as to where women fit in in the leather community we've always been here we'll always be here we built the table or we helped build the table to expect us to go off and build our own is actually insolence and really wrong I think that things will continue to improve but at the same time I'm an optimist so I guess we'll look back in five years and see where it's gone A moment ago we spoke a little bit about primarily the different attitudes about drug use in the different geographic locations of the community what from your perspective what other differences do you perceive between for example what you experienced in Germany North America and here I found in Germany that a lot of the women at the parties I went to didn't want to talk to me because I didn't speak German that was a bit upsetting but it also could have been because I am inherently a shy person the reason why I wear a lot of these specific leather and latex clothing and six, seven, eight inch platform boots even on a standard night out at the Oxford or Consellors or Palms is because I want to create that space that are not in our community to be curious and to ask questions I don't want them to touch me but I'm open to them having discussions and asking respectful questions I think that in terms of drug use I also as a social worker have always been open to people asking me questions about what is okay for them and their bodies in terms of drug use the most common drugs that I see being used in the scene here in Australia really depend on what a person's sex or sexuality or gender is and also just their individual tastes you might see someone sneakily having a joint in a smoking area at a venue or outside a venue speed was pretty uncommon for a while because ice seemed to be the drug of choice but I see speed coming back into fashion now because there's been a lot of paranoia regarding ice rightfully so, ice is a really intense drug, ice is what we call crystal meth ecstasy very popular Australia I think we use the most ecstasy in the world per capita you sure it isn't the UK no it's us even though we pay maybe three or four times more than the UK does for it we're still the most prolific consumers of it in the world and obviously and specific to the leather community I see a lot of boys using GHB and ketamine as well and amyl if someone's accidentally dropped a bottle of amyl or smashed it on the dance floor chances are there's a gang of women hovering around somewhere how do you want to be remembered in this community I'm playing the long game at 26 I know that I'm the youngest person you're interviewing here in Australia I've been on the scene and in the community for a very long time I've developed a little bit of grey hair as a result of it not as much as my poor mother she went grey when she was 16 and I think she's a bit envious of how much blonde or brown I still have I love my mother but she often comments on that I don't intend to go anywhere I do occasionally have issues with men who come into the leather community and the gay community especially dominant men it doesn't matter if they're gay or straight they see me and they see how young I am and they assume that I'm a newbie and quite often I have at least half a decade or more of experience on them and they do find that intimidating as to how I want to be remembered as I said I'm playing the long game I intend to continue being here in my 50s, 60s and 70s assuming that climate change doesn't destroy everything I think there is an attitude in the lesbian community of oh I'm too old to go out anymore they often will get into a relationship and hibernate and then the relationship will continue and they'll adopt a cat and then somewhere along the line they'll break up so I can set my watch by it I'll say oh it's February and it's the third year I'll see such and such in a couple of weeks because her relationship will be over by then quite a few exceptions to that I see a lot of long standing leather lesbian couples who do make the distance or continue to make the distance but some people cycle through like it's buying a new buying a new appliance with a three year warranty I don't intend to go anywhere I believe that I will have a break from the committee of the Harbour City Bears at the next election in August 2020 I'd like to before and after that focus A on my career B on helping everywhere I can with making sure that World Pride in 2023 is a successful event I want to really be involved in that I've put the work in I will continue to put the work in and I continue to expect the credit that I deserve I hope that I live a long and prosperous life I know that growing older is a privilege denied to many of us Strong statement Sad to say I hope that when I am gone people will remember me as someone that was strong in what they said and what they wrote I am a writer one of my big strengths aside from my physical strength and my abilities as a kink star and as a social worker and as an empathetic person who genuinely connects and cares with people in the community my big strength is writing using words and controlling the narrative everywhere that I can as someone that told stories and taught things that they wouldn't have even considered from a perspective that they might not have known I learnt a lot of that from my father he was an English teacher for 30 odd years here in the Australian public school system I want to be remembered as someone who cares about the little guy and who stands up for what is right I want to be remembered for being funny for being witty for being a little bit controversial at a lot of times and for having crazy outfits and I guess overall I want to be remembered for the tenacity that I've developed to be myself and I reserve the right to keep developing and keep changing as I grow older what are your favourite fetishes? well I believe in giving everything a go at least once just to get my head around it and see if I like it or not my mother always said to me and I'm not someone that eats a lot of vegetables because I have sensory processing issues with regards to taste and smell and my mother would always say oh Isabel you need to eat it at least 20 times that way you can say if you like it or not and I would say well not if I'm going to vomit it up 20 times no way but I'll give most things sexually at least to go once I would say that my favourite things at this stage in my life I flag purple and red on the left obviously I'm a blood top I'm a fisting top I flag yellow on the left but that is a fairly private thing for me I wouldn't do that in public I don't really play in public to begin with I do have a bit of anxiety with regards to performance anxiety and for a long time there I flagged Hunter Green on the right I love lesbian and dyke daddies I think it's certainly possible to be fisting someone and having them top you the entire time and that energy exchange since the first time I did it has just been the most powerful and intense thing that I feel I could do at this stage um I'm a switch I'm an exhibitionist sometimes I can be a power bottom sometimes I can be a service top really depends on the dynamic I have with the person but I think my ideal would be to have a relationship with a butch a masculine dyke who is predominantly a top but lets me get mine as well hmm what's the biggest misconception about you oh god everyone has one to some extent I I remember meeting my friend Drew up in the blue mountains at a queer party and she said to me I thought you were taller than that because we'd only met online before and that was the most outrageously offensive thing that someone could have said to me that night because I was wearing these shoes but I laughed because it was funny it was funny I think in terms of perceptions I don't think about this too much because I already have enough anxieties and insecurities of my own but the major ones that I hear are that I am intimidating that I intimidate people I'm sorry but if you find a powerful woman intimidating that says a lot more about you than it does about me there you have it hello chances are that I will either want to be your friend or I will be friendly I'm not going to bite you I don't have that relationship with you when I meet you unless I'm out at a party and I'm looking for the toilet hookup I think the other main misconception that I hear is that I am overly political I believe the personal is political because I've experienced a lot of discrimination in my life I've had eggs thrown at me from cars in Newcastle while walking to the gay bar I've been fired or discriminated against in finding employment because I was either gay or because I looked gay sexism it's a state the obvious it's still a thing it's still a big thing I also acknowledge that I'm a white woman I'm a cisgender woman no one has ever been racist towards me and no one whilst I have been confused for a drag queen once or twice and told that I have a nice talk I've never copped it because of what people have to say about my body beyond sexism it's not transphobia I think that in terms of misconceptions everyone's got one and the only thing that I could really say to that is come up and say hello in person and don't believe everything you read on the internet unless I wrote it myself is Connell thank you for being an amazing interview it's really nice to be here and it's really nice to meet you in person I'm glad you're meeting you hopefully soon I can go to Chicago and we can hang out there as well absolutely I would love it I would love that thank you alrighty and that's is Connell in Sydney, Australia


In geometry, we say two lines are perpendicular to each other. In higher mathematics, we use the term orthogonal. So when are vectors orthogonal? Well, let's see if we can find an orthogonal vector. Suppose we have a vector 5 negative 3. Let's find a vector v perpendicular to u. Then find the dot product. So remember, the vector can be interpreted as the directions for getting from the origin to the point with the same coordinates. So the vector tells us how to get from the origin to the point 5 negative 3. Now the line between the two points has slope negative 3 fifths. So a perpendicular line has slope 5 thirds. Since the vector will tell us how to get from the origin to a point, we want to go from the origin to some point on a line with slope 5 thirds. So a line through the origin with slope 5 thirds passes through the point 3 5. And so a vector running in the same direction will be 3 5. And so we have our vector and a vector perpendicular. We'll find the dot product. And based on one example, we conclude the dot product of orthogonal vectors is 0. So if you're a politician, one example is enough. But for the rest of us we might want a little evidence. So we could try to generalize an example. So let's at least try a vector in R3. Let u be u1 u2 u3. A line going in the same direction has slope uh-oh. We don't have a good definition for slope in more than two dimensions. So suppose vectors u and v are orthogonal. Then in any dimensions we have two sides of a right triangle where the third side is u minus v.  The Pythagorean theorem does apply to higher dimensions. And so we have norm of u squared.  But remember we can express these norms in terms of the dot products. And since the dot product obeys the distributing and associative laws, we have and since we have the dot product of u with itself and the dot product of v with itself we'll just express that as the norm of u squared and the norm of v squared. Substituting these n gives us, and we can simplify, consequently if two vectors are orthogonal their dot product is zero. But notice we can reverse the process. If the dot product of two vectors is zero, then we can multiply by negative two, add u squared plus v squared to both sides. And this expression on the right is the square of the norm of u minus v. And so we get. And since the converse of the Pythagorean theorem is also true, then we can say that if the dot product of two vectors is zero, then the vectors are orthogonal. So let's see how we can use this.


I was a Communist for the FBI. Starring Dana Andrews in an exciting tale of danger and espionage. I was a Communist for the FBI. We're about to hear a strange story. Names, dates, and places are, for obvious reasons, fictional. But many of these incidents are based on the actual experiences of Matt Sabetik, who for nine fantastic years lived as a Communist for the FBI. Here is our star, Dana Andrews, as Matt Sabetik. I've heard people call him Crackpots, harmless Crackpots. They were speaking of the members of the Communist Party in this country. I was one of those Communists for nine years. I reported their conspiracy against the United States from within. Crackpots? Like spiders spinning webs. Harmless? Like tigers stalking their prey. Here's just part of the story. In a moment, listen to Dana Andrews as Matt Sabetik, undercover man. Here is Dana Andrews as Matt Sabetik, undercover man. This story, from his confidential file, is marked, a riot made to order. Speaking. Well, that's right. It's just that here it worked this time of day. I'm at the urgent. I have matters to discuss with you. Then, that's how you receive your orders in the Communist Party. Anytime, anywhere. And you obeyed to the letter, right now. I got up from my desk and there were a dozen pair of eyes watching me. Communist eyes. Some I had put in this department of the United States Employment Service myself. But I knew there were others, watching, reporting. Had I shown any aggravation, any irritation, Drexel would have known about it immediately. I walked out with a smile, the perfect, obedient slave on the way to his master. Anton Drexel, small but muscular, intelligent, dark-featured. He had come from New York, a high-party functionary. He didn't bother shaking hands. He came right to the point. Comrade Sabetik. Comrade Drexel. You are satisfied that I am Drexel? I'm satisfied. You've never seen me before. I'm not too easily satisfied. Comrade Adams told me you would contact me. You did. That's good enough for me. The party isn't in the habit of making mistakes like that. Neither is the FBI. What do you want me to do, Comrade? Throw you on the floor, search you, check your fingerprints. Wait for word from Moscow. What do you want? You have a temper, Comrade Sabetik. I don't like talk about the FBI. You agree that we must be as careful as they are? Any party member knows that. What mistake did I make? You made none. I didn't accuse you then. I'm sorry. I was wrong. Sit down, Comrade Sabetik. Thanks. What I have to say is greatest impulse. Go ahead. Our leaders feel it's time for us to have publicity. Sympathetic publicity in the capitalistic newspapers of this country. That's clear. Yes, Comrade. A large meeting of the party member will be held in the hall two nights from now. It will be attended by the rank and file. Comrade Adams has the responsibility of filling the hall. I see. At a signal, the meeting will be raided by the pickets outside. It will be a riot. Comrade Grotsanov and a soundtrack will set off the riot. Our question, Comrade. Yes. We've had many such meetings before and none was ever picketed. Where will they come from this time? The Cargas manufacturing company nearby. Our comrades in the plant have done their work well. They cry, stop the commie rats before they take over the country.  They'll turn out of the hundreds. The riot cannot fail. And after the riot, we blame the fascist police. The citizen Gestapo who interfered with our rights of free speech and free assembly. Exactly. Our comrades become martyrs. Others will rally to our cause and sympathy. Why do you tell me this, Comrade? Everything is arranged. There's nothing for me. Oh, the contrary. Everything depends upon you. You are responsible for the boys of the control commission, Comrade Svetik. They will mingle with the pickets and sighting them. At the signal, they will lead them into the hall. This riot cannot fail. But our own comrades in the hall are unarmed. They might be killed.  You are under orders, Comrade Svetik. I shall execute my orders, Comrade Drexel. Anything more? You'll have help in your assignments. Comrade Frans will assist you. I don't need any help for this. I've done it before by myself. Know your object, Comrade. I'm sorry, Comrade. The party knows best. Will that be all? I shall be at that meeting. Good day, Comrade Svetik. That was all. Just arranged for several hundred human beings to have their skulls cracked, their teeth knocked out. It was like sending invitations for a banquet. A banquet of death. I walked down the hotel corridor from Drexel's room to the elevator. I had to get to a phone. Call my FBI contact. Hello, Comrade Svetik. Remember me? He seemed to come out of the woodwork like a termite. Otto Frans, my assistant. Had I protested too much at the meeting with Drexel? Then it hit me. Otto Frans had been arranged for before the meeting. Why? I didn't need any help on this job and they knew it. But what else did they know? And what was Otto Frans? A tale or a hatchet man? Hello, Otto. Comrade Otto to you, Svetik. Where did you come from, Comrade? It doesn't matter. Let's go to work, huh? Sure. What do we do first? That's up to you. I just go along and do whatever you say. You can see her tonight when you go home. Look, Comrade. You can follow me wherever I go. Those are your orders. But you're not telling me where I can go. Those are my orders. Otto Frans. Party liner. Faithful hound. The crack of the whip was all he understood. Nothing would pry him from my side. He had his orders. And so had I. We took a cab and I gave the driver an address. Did you move to a new place, Comrade? I'm going to see my doctor first. Something wrong? My stomach's been upset lately. Maybe you're nervous. Maybe. I got some powders I take from my stomach. But am I with me? How about some? I'm paying the doctor. I'll do what he says. Just wanted to see if you're some money. That's all. Thanks. He stayed with me like a headache. Right into the doctor's waiting room. When the doctor was ready to see me, I knew he wanted to follow. But he didn't quite have the nerve. I told Doc I wanted to find out how my mother was and he told me in two words. Not good. I asked if I could use his phone. He nodded and went into his laboratory. So far, I was getting all the breaks. Bendy Fletcher. They're staging a riot at Liberty Hall the after tomorrow. Several hundred party followers in the hall and that many pickets or more outside. On signal, the pickets raid the meeting. Go ahead. It's up to you fellows now. You've got to stop this thing. We can't move in on anything like this, Matt. I'm afraid you'll have to carry the ball on this one. Look, I've got a tail on me right now. Everything's been set. What do you expect me to do? I'm sorry, Matt. But thank you. I know it's my baby. From the doctor's office, we went to my home. My mother's condition had me worried. Her heart had been weak for a long time.  If my brother Tip was home, there would be real trouble, especially when he saw Otto.  Tip wasn't there. I almost felt good. The little breaks were coming my way, but I needed a big one, real big. Otto showed a rare streak of decency.  In bed. I'll wait here in the parlor. You go up and see her. But don't take too long. We've got work to do. Remember? I remember, Comrade. Are you all right? Sure, sure, Mom. I'm great. But what's this I hear about you? Oh, with me is nothing. Just a little tired. You're the one I worry about, Matt. There's nothing to worry about. I'm doing fine. Just look at me.  The government, Matt. Those men from Washington. The FBI. Yes. They're after you, I know. Mom, you're all wrong. Won't you listen to me? All the time I pray for you, my boy, that God should make you give up what you are doing against the government of America. But, Mom, can't you see... Promise me, Matt. So little I ever ask from you. I can't, Mom. What? Are you all right? It don't matter no more. How can I be all right when against the United States one of my boys is working? Look, Mom, I got to run along now. Next time, I want to see you up and around and baking a cake. You hear? Still I pray for you, Matt, that God should take care of you.  And the mother, and the mother, can't forget. Now, back to dinner, Andrews. Starring as Matt Sevedic. And I was a communist for the FBI and the second act of our story. Otto stayed with me the next two days. He never let me out of his sight. We took a hotel room because I told him my mother was too ill and I didn't want to bother her at home. Why was I given this insignificant job and a guard? Did they suspect I might sabotage their riot if I had a chance? In two days, I hadn't been able to think of a single plan. And then the phone rang. That's the phone, Comrade. It's for you. You amaze me, Comrade Franz. You must be psychic. Answer it. Comrade Sevedic. Speaking, Comrade Rexel. Meeting is tonight. I know. You have done your work? This afternoon. You will see to it. Certainly. Let me talk to Comrade Franz. One moment. He wants to talk to you, Comrade. Hello? Yes. Yes. No. Nothing like that. You were to call. I hadn't told him and Otto was with me every moment. Were they watching both of us? Or had Otto somehow given me the slip?  One mistake was all you ever made in a spot like this. Your first and last. He was watching me, still talking at the phone. Yes, Comrade. Right. Sat there, staring at me. His face a complete blank. Other comrades had been pushed from hotel windows. The papers called it suicide and the public believed the papers. I started toward the door. It's time to round up the boys for tonight, Comrade. Comrade Drexel seemed a little worried that I'd not done it before this. I know. Well, are you coming or do you stay here? I got my orders come out. I go with you. The goon squad I picked for this job was just like all the others. Maybe a little more so. Muscle men, powerful guys and deadly. We met them in the back room of a cheap restaurant. Two dozen of them. Maybe a few more. Okay, comrades, let's have it quiet. You'll gather tonight at 8 o'clock in the street in front of Liberty Hall. Pickets from the Cargas Company will be on hand before you get there. Well, your regular street clothes so as to look just like the other pickets. Mix with them but stay away from each other. And get this. No guns. I'm going to say that again. No guns. You can use brass nuts, lead pipe and a newspaper or saps. You've got plenty to work with but no guns. A comrade in a sound truck will be yelling for a peaceful picketing with no violence. It's your job to make the pickets forget him and raid the meeting and start the riot. Okay, that's all. Nice work, comrades. Thanks. Everything that night went according to schedule. It always does. When the commies are behind it, they're thorough. They don't miss a trick. The plans are laid days ahead. You'll hope for a slip-up but you'll never get your wish. When we got to Liberty Hall, the street out front was alive with pickets. They were angry but not looking for trouble yet. Everything goes well, comrades. Yeah, everything's great. There are plenty here to cause serious trouble. That was the idea, wasn't it? Of course. Thank you, comrade. I'm happy. Everything finds out. Keep it safe. Comrade Grazinaff is doing his work well. Yeah. Have you seen any of our goons caught around? Several. There's one. Talking to that picket, yeah, I see him. Well, there's another one button-holding a couple of guys. They're here and they're working. It is good, comrade Setic. Yeah. Let's go in the hall. Why? That's the question of time. Maybe we can help in there. As you say, comrade. Inside the hall, everything was proceeding according to schedule. There wasn't an empty chair in the place. It was like a sheet pen with comrade Adams, the ringleader, on the stage leading them to slaughter. And there, of this freedom, America books, right outside these doors, above our pickets, the fascist police of the United States are protesting our right of free ourselves. The participation of... Partial line, the same old hogwash. And they believed every word of it. Then I heard the crowd outside getting nastier. It was almost time for my goons to lead them in. I began to sweat. There must be something I could do. There must. And when a wild idea hit me, I turned to Otto. I'm in France, locked the front door.  Do what I say. That's why you said if a mob walks into an open door, they'll be able to start talking things over. They can break down a door and there's no talk. Just violence. That's a smart idea for Mark. I'll do it. Parking the doors was just a stall for time. I wanted to get at the automatic sprinkling system, backstage. I got there just in time to meet Drexel and Adams and the rest of the big shots on their way out the back door. They weren't risking their skins. You're better than your work friend. You'll meet in my hotel room as soon as this is over. Comet Adams and I, go. Come along, Shemitic. We've set the fuse now. Let her blow. I'll wait for Comet. He's out front. Good. I get some. I was standing right next to a wall ladder. It led up into the rafters and from there I could reach one of the vows of the sprinkling system and melt off the protective wax cap. I started up the ladder. I saw Otto coming back. I jumped down. He hadn't seen me. I listened to them. They liked white beasts outside. Good work, Comet. When those doors break, hundreds will be hurt. He turned and looked out at the hall. I gave him the heel of my hand at the base of his neck. He went down in a heap and stayed there. I shinned up the ladder and held my lighter under the valve. No one saw me. The commies inside were panicked. They didn't know what to do next. The pickets were stopped at the door, but it wouldn't be for long. They crashed through. I had to stop this somehow. Life depended on it. I broke out into a sweat. Would that valve never melt? I held the flame closer. And then the valve melted. The water rescued the pipes and it rained all over the hall. A hard, cooling, steady rain that could put out fires. A rain that could put out a riot. I came down the ladder. Otto was still on the floor. The commies had found the back exit. The pickets were backing out the front door. They didn't want any part of that flood. The riot had come a cropper. Comet Drexel was waiting for me in his hotel room, but I had to make one stop before that. A crummy little gem on Denson Street. I knew the owner, Mack, a hulking, punch-drunk ex-pug. He knew me slightly. He never asked questions. When you can't think anymore, there's nothing to ask about. Listen, Mack, I haven't got time to argue. It's a matter of life and death.  With gloves, huh? No gloves. Bare fists.  Blood, too? Yeah. Everything I'd get at four or five guys jumped me. Well, I might hurt you. I told you this is a matter of life or death. Now go ahead. Well, okay. Just as a favor. No hard feelings. No hard feelings. When Mack began to blur, I knew I had enough. He helped me to the door and I staggered into the night. He slugged me until I'm on the water. Silence. What... What happened? Well, they slugged Franz first and they jumped me. I fought him until I passed out. Who were they? Five of them. I never saw them before. Pickets? Maybe. None of ours, though. They turned on the water? I don't know. I guess so. I was out cold. I told you the only guy around me when I got slugged was Spetic. He turned on the water. And then beat myself to a pulp? Is that it, Conrad? Unfortunately, Comrade Spetic, suspicion and porno steal. Okay. Okay, so I slugged Otto. And I turned on the water and then I beat myself unconscious. That's the way you want it. That's the way it is. You're acting as a control commission. Okay. I confess everything. Let's get this over with.  Why not? I've done everything I could to make this job a success.  What more do you want from me? Take it easy, Spetic. Sure. Sure, I'll take it easy. You need a doctor's care, Comrade Spetic. I suggest that you go immediately. It's true. Your face is proof of that. But we shall investigate further. Is that all, Comrade? That is all. For now. I left the hotel and I felt good inside in spite of the pain. I had stopped a riot. They'd investigate further, but they wouldn't find anything. I was sure of that. I'd covered everything. And for a while I was safe. I was safe to continue the double life. Safe to tread the dim line between darkness and light. Safe to walk alone. Dana Andrews will return in just a moment. This is Dana Andrews. These stories, many of them based upon actual events and happenings in the real life experiences of math, are brought to you in order that you may be aware of the insidious working from within of the Communist Party. Our greatest danger lies in being unaware. Our greatest safety in a knowledge of what we are fighting against. For this reason, I urge you to listen again next week when we will dramatize another exciting adventure from the official records of Matt Severick. Join us then, won't you?


Yes, what if your employer does not fulfil what we call his application? Yes, we've come to these companies or you've come to some of these companies where we are. It may be a security company, it may be a cleaning company, it may be a housekeeping company. These are all not the same companies or they are not the same management. What happens or what do you do if your employer fails to fulfil what is his application? What obligation am I talking about? I'm talking about the obligations as they are signed or what was actually agreed upon in the contract. Yes, so most of the times or most of us or you may be out there. You've gotten into this kind of question whereby either you are not paid in time, either you are demanding more salary of more months, either the living conditions are not good, either you are not being compensated for your food or you have even denied what you call medical. Yes, we get through all this when we are in these companies. But remember when you came to this company you signed what you call a contract and that contract has terms and conditions of what you call the terms that are supposed to bind you and the employer or your sponsor in one world or the other. That I can say. Something that you need to remember. If something like for that situation gets a little bit higher on you, let's say for example your employer or your sponsor is bleaching what was agreed upon in the contract. My humble advice or my advice to you is do not budgily take up the matter very fast on fire. Talk to the human resource or talk to the people responsible in that. Explace or how what is your complaint to them. That complaint can be in writing or can be even what you call immediate supervisors. What I used to do myself, I used to write and I would co-abolw it. Everyone that I think is supposed to supervise me. I don't know how many of you you have, but I had a chain of five from one supervisor to another supervisor until you can reach the final person. So what I used to do is I used to draft a later uncabun copy each one I would keep a copy. Such as at the end of it, no one says I do not have a copy for that. But when you think of situations by whereby you want to take up particular legal matters against your employer, most of the time you may end up failing.  That is when you can go to another level of taking up what you call the legal matters.  Otherwise when you are taking what you call the legal actions, something that needs to come into your mind, you must have enough evidence for that.  But again also as you take up the legal matters to your sponsor who gave you the visa to come, something that you need to understand is what you want as a person that is one. What is going to be the cost? The cost we are looking at in very many times, of very many situations, we may look at the transportation, we may look at the time that will be wasted, but does that legal action against your employer lead to financial distress? That is a question that you need to ask yourself. There are what you call the cold damages, what you call the cold damages. Yes, if you take up that legal action against your sponsor and there will be what you call cold damages, what you call the financial damages and you have enough supporting documents or evidence to back you up, then you have a right to go ahead. But if you feel you don't have enough supporting documents, you may not end up.  So most of the time let us try to think about such kind of situations. When we have this, can this make me move here? Can this make me do this? Can this make me do this? This is what definitely helps. Hope I try to share something with you. See you again in the next video. It makes creation theory at Instagram. I think someone makes jazzy a TikTok account. Don't forget to follow.