Hello, and welcome to another Aughty Time livestream. This is the 24th one that I've done and I haven't Missed missed a livestream for that long. I'm quite proud of myself to be honest It's quite it's been been interesting week for me not gonna lie. I've been trying to like Get back into the swing of things, you know Folks a little bit more on like my diet and my health and stuff and it's generally been going quite well, you know Things have been going good my mental health does seem to be improving So I should be back up and running making content new things In a couple of weeks, I imagine So I'm getting started. I've got some like content I'm gonna write next week and get get started with things. I've got a bit of a head start Then we're gonna get get into it soon. So Indeed hello, Mr. Austin, how are you doing man? Jack the lad. How you doing dudes nice to see you Got landic warrior. Hope you're doing better. I am actually doing a little bit better, you know Definitely like Feeling a lot more on top of things than I usually am emotionally past like month or so has been an absolute task Task I would say burnout depression all of that stuff Indeed how's your summer break? It's alright actually. I mean some is not really my Preferred weather. I mean it's kind of nice because people want to go out and do things and It's always nice to like go out and do things with people But I'm much more of an old autumn person. I would say Glad to hear you're doing better. Thank you very much Valerie Valeria Yeah, so just just as usual With these orgy time lives, this is an opportunity to ask questions Could be anything personal autism related Self-improvement relationships fitness anything you want really go for it Mr. Austin says just finished the gym got PR on the plate loaded shoulder press four plates each side for six reps Damn, man It's crazy strength crazy strength I Recently really loving the ad press and for anyone who is Continuing to kind of watch my stories and things like that even though I'm not really creating you'll see that I do have like a new kind of fitness Modeling slash page. Just like a personal page that I can just post off that I feel like I want to and it's not necessarily like autism related It's been nice and Yeah, I've been Trying some some ad presses which is kind of like a shoulder press. It's like like a high-end climb press.  Honestly the gym has done more For me this year than any pill 100% and I say this a lot and it's not always the most welcome information but if we could bottle the Mental health and physical health effects of exercising to a pill Then it would be like the most popular most revolutionary pill that has ever existed definitely is massive for my anxiety and To be honest mood as well just on the regular, but it's something that I've got to keep up, you know So it's it gives me a good motivation to keep keep going even if I'm not like I've lost like a little bit of interest a little bit of motivation. I can still kind of keep up with it Keep going Sass says hello. What kind of taekwondo did you do? I do ITF taekwondo. Thanks for sharing what you share No worries sass I actually did the BTF. I think we've changed the name of it because It is a Korean sport and The Federation was created not with English abbreviations in mind So it's like the Olympic style taekwondo with like the headgears and things like that so it's It's cool. I mean Definitely interesting if I was going to go back into actually Competing like I did before when I was competing for GB a couple of events the Commonwealth and the Nationals I would be in heavyweights, so it's going to be a little bit of a different game than usual What we'll see, you know, I might give it a go I'm looking forward to trying some some Muay Thai soon so Look forward to some me kicking pads videos at some point Good luck. Good luck. I'm Ellen says a favorite workout. I prefer leg stressed Like do you prefer leg stressed or back? My least favorite workout is arms, which is I think An unpopular opinion. I really don't like it. It's it's very much like something that I Plop on at the end of end of a workout I Like weighted pull-ups. I like my 80 presses my bench presses. I like deadlifts. Those are like my top one so so it's kind of I've got little spots of Things within each day that I do at the gym that I enjoy which is always nice Although I'm not really doing many deadlifts at the moment because in trying to Fix my elbow which has been giving me some problems over the past month or so Arms are boring though. Do you want? Do you want bigger arms? So you have to do them. Yeah, I guess so I mean the thing is is that I'm very shoulder and arm dominant So I never have a problem with that side of things But my chest muscles definitely have needed a lot of attention and work for like the past six months Shoulders I can use shoulders Guff-land it worries as I grave you on that working out has helped me so much of dealing with Asdn to regulate myself. I mean if you you can think of it as I Mean for for me, definitely Most of my stims tend to be quite vestibular and proprioceptive So I get the proprioception from going to the gym can obviously listen to music So that's like another aspect of stimming and then I do like my my kicks and my shadow sparring. So that's like the vestibular stuff I can do lots of like spinning kicks and stuff. So It's it's really regulating for me. It's it's really like pretty much like a staple for me I don't have a lot of stims that I do like just out and about Other than kind of checking my wrist that I do now and again Jatellite says completely agree with you exercise on the pill metaphor has been revolutionary. I'm really glad for you, man I'm really really glad Mr. Fally said that I've randomly added a girl on Facebook that was autistic too. We met last Sunday I took the plunge and we confessed we can't stop thinking You can't stop thinking about each other Is that is all he's saying? How is Dottie? Dottie's good. Dottie's not at my house anymore my My brother has come back off of holiday. I think he went to like a I'm like a wedding or something in a different country. So he's back now. So the the dog's back up in my brother's place, so But I am thinking of going on a walk on Saturday with my family which might be quite nice So probably get C Dottie then Thank you, Iqra again for a badge two badges much appreciate it How are you doing Iqra? Joly says hi Tom You look like you're feeling Emotionally better. I hope so. I have you been wise being your focus on recovery lately. Take care of yourself.  I'm not very good at hiding it usually Especially when I do these live streams because I try as much as possible not to like Change how I am Just just because you know, you know if I'm feeling really down and like not in a good place I want to be authentic when I'm when I'm doing these live streams because I feel Like it's just something that everyone experiences to some degree, you know If you have mental health or you just your average person, you don't have any mental illnesses. I think it's all something that we Experience and so I think showing the full spectrum of emotions is is the best way to go things because Sometimes Instagram can kind of paint this picture that everyone is always doing good You're the only one kind of struggling in life and that's that's definitely not what I want to do with my page You injured your back with deadlifts. Yes bad forms. I'm sorry to hear about that Good luck with the elbow, but thank you though Love legs and shoulders Austin says also in response to IG earlier is the train from london area that goes to your area I wouldn't mind getting a gym session if possible, but only if it's not too much stress for you. No, of course man like definitely there is um there are trains From from london up to Up to north york sure. I'll obviously I'll tell you like whereabouts I go to the gym But I won't tell you on stream because You know just in case people You know gotta go to keep myself safe to some degree But yeah, I'd love to do that man. No stress at all. It'd be really nice to meet you Uh, don't say cc. How's the burnout recovery going? It's doing well. It's doing good. I think good Iqra Iqra best says that I love doing arms which um Arm muscle is your favorite. Are you like a tricep person or a bicep person or do you like the um It's it's not really a common thing that people do about like wrist exercises Um, I think the the reason why I don't do a lot of arm exercises is because I do a lot of compound lifts. So um Usually when I do my push days at the gym, for example, I will do um a bench press which is like extension forwards like For the body for the for the triceps and and the chest of course and a bit of the front delt And then you've got the eddy press which is like upwards And then um, I do push downs. So it's like I've got got free angles that I do it from Um, I just kind of put the push downs on the on at the end of the workout I'll let you know close to the time see if we can work something out totally man It would be be really cool really cool You show me show me that autistic strength that you've got it's madman major props How are you I'm not doing too good. Why are you not doing too good Ikra? I'm I'm sorry to hear that um Yeah, no things things are doing all right, you know it's um We're making some improvements in terms of mental health feeling better. So We're all good um, I think think the main thing at the moment is For some reason I think it might be because my mood's improving my appetite has gone like Down in the gutters at the moment. So It's not necessarily a bad thing per se because I am trying to like lean down a little bit um, just for like my own personal tastes of wanting to um But I am keeping I'm keeping a bit of an eye on it because I have in the past um Struggled quite a little bit with the eating disorders um, so I'm gonna Definitely be be very aware Try and try and check in with people um, make sure that I'm not like Doing myself any any harm um Spaces having good nutrition if you get down to a certain level of body fire. It's not good like There is very much like Especially within gym culture There's very much this online on youtube just doubting about Um, it's very much glorified to some extent. You can have people who You know, obviously like put on like a lot of muscle, but they get down to these just extremely low body fats And it does look cool, especially if you're like into like bodybuilding things like that, but A lot of these people um, they kind of put this stuff on they don't necessarily talk about the negative side effects of it And if you do get down to a certain body fight, it does affect your mood Does affects lots of different aspects of your life your productivity your focus All of that stuff and so um You got to be careful with that stuff, you know Definitely Your mental health has not been good I'm sorry to hear that ikra Is there any specific thing that's that's triggered it or is the is it just kind of the variation of mood? Sometimes it is like triggered by something for me or like multiple different things, but Usually it's just kind of this annoying undulation in my mood that just happens now and again for other year So, um for anyone who's just joined you're very welcome to ask any questions All questions good autism personal fitness self-improvement Relationships you go for it ask me some questions um, if you are not within the autistic community and you're just joining from um any intrigue standpoint and you don't really know much about autism Please do not feel at all Scared or worried about asking the wrong things because I try very much to um, you know, I assume positive intentions when when people talk to me about it. So Go for it. No no need to um hesitate on it I am being a bit bad. I have got myself an energy drink today I feel a little bit like I usually have my sneak which is is pretty good for anyone who is Um really into caffeine, but they find that it does does impact their anxiety quite a bit I'd really recommend looking to a supplement called alfionine Um, it's quite cheap. You can get it on bulk powders very very cheap If you have that with any caffeine that you're having it tends to like smooth out the jittery effects that you get from caffeine Which I find to be actually really really helpful for me Um, you can get it in some like powdered energy drink formulations like sneak Um, but you could just you know, you could just get the the raw ingredient Um, it's quite good quite good on the evening as well, especially if you've had like caffeine A little bit too late in the day. You need to sleep. Sometimes it just mitigates a little bit It's naturally found in uh green tea So, uh, it's it's good stuff. It's good stuff Just a lot going on with my health Like physical health Remember to say hydrated everyone with some water. Thank you. Mr. Josh. You a G Uh, and also for the for the badge. Yeah, I think you've you've given me a badge like For uh, for your live streams in a row much appreciated man. It does really encourage me to do more of these live streams. So Um, very much appreciative What kind of music are you guys listening to at the moment? I have found a couple of artists that I really like I think one of them is Adia and any adhdia They make like songs that are related to that. There's one called Irresponsible by an artist called e me e may e m e i It's called it called irresponsible. It's a really catchy song if you're Into listening some new music um And also airhead by honey revenge. These songs. They're very like kind of alternative e kind of Old-school alternative e kind of vibe the especially the airhead song, but the good stuff good stuff I don't usually give a lot of song recommendations because my songs tend to be like Pretty pretty aggressive and dark sometimes. It's not not to everyone's tastes Mostly listening to it when I go to the gym kind of puts me in the mood There's some heavy weight Oh my god Hi, so, um Thinking in the next two weeks. I'll start with my posts My regular posts that I do so I'll be back up and running. Um at some point I really appreciate anybody who has continued to kind of check in and come to the live streams despite Me not being as active on on social media Because it has you know, it's it's made me feel a lot more comfortable I guess that I'm not if I if I stop posting then I'm not just gonna like fall down You know and have to build myself back up from the ground again Um, so it's it's actually been really really positive experience for me kind of stay taking a step back focusing on myself All that stuff being really lovely I really love doing these live streams as well despite when I've been not Despite me not feeling the best I've actually got this comment a lot, um devote of michael says uh stop you look like mr. Beast. I thought you were mr. Beast You know what let let I'm gonna have a look Mr. Beast, I haven't really watched any of his stuff.  Beast? I guess maybe Maybe the hairstyle possibly The beard I don't I don't maybe the nose Yeah, the nose I think is the the biggest one And like the size of my eyes.  Beast It's interesting Enjoy the badge. Well, thank you very much mr. Joshua um Joshua G says uh, do you listen to stereo phonics thomas? um stereo phonics I'm not very good with like artists and band names and stuff, but I'll give it a listen stereo phonics I usually listen to like a little bit of music while I do my lives and podcasts and stuff, so Um I'll put some on Interesting.  You know, I'm feeling quite I guess for anyone doesn't know I I split up with my long-term partner about four, I don't know Like it maybe like half a year ago or something. I'm not very good with time scales um So I I've been kind of Trying to kind of date and put myself out there a little bit Um, which is not not being too bad to be honest. It's uh It's I think one of the things that I now talked to someone recently about this one of the things that I really struggle with um Especially when it comes to friendships and any type of relationship at all Um texting is just the most anxiety-provoking thing for me like I Really struggle when people don't use emojis or tone indicators because I don't know how people are saying things and sometimes it can be quite like Anxiety-provoking so you don't really know how to respond if you don't know how someone's saying stuff and then You know, so it's I think that's the thing that I struggle with the most when it comes to friendships and dating. It's like the kind of remembering to reply and and kind of Understanding exactly what what the conversation is going like. It's it's sometimes very difficult Thank you very much for another bad jicra. Which appreciate it Uh, devote says uh um or your P you kind of do pfp Give me a lot of things to google. What is pfp?  I've actually seen um floris the machine Um in concept before and it's it's not very often that I go out and I watch live music because I tend to find it sometimes a little bit too overwhelming for my autistic brain um people Loud music, you know, I've got to have my ear defenders and stuff when I go um But I I did see Florence the machine. I think it leads fest like quite a while ago I was like 16 something like that um Yeah, it was it was it was it was good. Uh, I like Florence the machine I have a lot of like different artists and songs that I like collect from different places I'm actually in the process of putting together A playlist that kind of Highlights different different aspects of the neurodivergent experience Not any of my own music to cite music that I've seen that I've listened to So put them into a playlist if you are interested in listening to My autistic chills plays which I highly recommend um, I don't get anything from it is literally just me sharing my sharing the music that I listen to but um These songs they're very relaxing. I like to listen to them if I'm struggling with anxiety panic attacks meltdowns Um and all of the songs that I put on this playlist Um, they're relaxing, but they also I also filter them To get rid of any unfavorable auditory stimulation Um, some some songs can be quite chill, but they have like certain notes in them that kind of set set my sensory systems off a little bit Um, so if you're interested in that I will I'll post a link my story after I finish doing this Um, you can have a look at the type of music that I listen to You Constantine says your smile made my day once again. Thank you. Oh, I'm very glad very glad I actually I for a long time I have had um A big issue when it comes to uh I think I've talked about it before that the the bdd Um body dysmorphic disorder like specifically around my face. It's like body dysmorphic, but with your face And I've really struggled to feel confident smiling um For quite a while So I'm I'm trying my very best to kind of get used to doing it a little bit more Um, it's kind of hard for me not to to be honest because I'm a very smiley person, but especially in photos Um tends to be the The difficult one for me Um, um, you prefer bitchy. Yeah, I think so And uh, honne says I would love to check it out. Well if you want to I will I will post Let's see if I can find my profile name um if you type in thomas henley on uh spotify and You'll be able to find a picture of me kind of sitting down That'll be my profile a lot of my my playlists are public So you'd be able to have a look at them if you if you'd like that Uh devout says uh gia giu We believe in you. Thank you I think I don't know if that's is that a song recommendation Do you listen to Lana Del Rey? Actually, yeah, I really like Lana Del Rey um particularly the uh summertime sadness album that they had no the uh born to die album It's very relaxing for me Especially if I'm if I'm struggling with the old anxiety Okay, lol. Yeah I'll have to at the end Remind me at the end of the stream amber before I go and I'll try and find an actual link that you can follow Rather than just giving you hints Or the prodigy prodigy is a good one Chat the lead says I hear you that I split with my ex boyfriend six months ago And it's been a real hard process texting really does have a habit of creating problems and communication with dating with intentions when dating with intentions sure and for them for a lot of people um it is kind of just uh You know like a time-based thing depending on like how busy someone is um, but if it's for some people that I've come across there there is kind of an air of like you know have that whole power dynamic thing when it comes to texting where people Have to wait a certain amount of time before texting someone or like if someone texts them Like an hour after they text them and they're gonna have to wait two hours all of that stuff just absolutely garbage like advice but people do do it and um it's it's I think I think over time like I used to kind of fall for a little a little bit um and I had tried it like When I was in my early 20s, but nowadays if if people are just kind of Being difficult for the sake of being difficult. It's it's not really something that I can or something that I want to really think about care about you know It's the best way to be with that stuff, especially if you don't like it when people do that stuff you know If you heard about the new covid variants, I have not Do you like the few fighters or snow patrol you are giving us giving me a lot of um Ones that I like Definitely Game of Christina says when should I tell a person Whether it's a new day or a new friend that I'm autistic It feels like if I tell someone on the first encounter they pull away um I suppose there's there's two lines of thinking there um Suppose in the in the first scenario if you do if you don't tell people until later on in the relationship Then there might be you might have kind of have more chance to kind of build at some rapport because some people have certain Negative stigmas that are attached to being autistic and they're like oh, what does that mean? On the other hand Some something that I that I do In in dating would be to tell people pretty pretty straight up, you know and No lie like there will be some people who are just like uh like I don't want to date a autistic person that sounds like a lot um, some people will be like that But other people will find it a curiosity And a difference and it may also help you find other people who are neurodivergent Um, which could be a lot easier in terms of dating. So It depends. There's no real right right way of doing it if You want people to to Understand a little bit more about how you communicate what you need Things like that. I definitely just tell them straight up, you know but again Don't be surprised if some people do pull away from that because you what you will get a few of them You want to listen to my playlist? I'll see if I could find it for you guys. I don't know how to get Spotify links Uh, how do I find my profile? Oh, there we go Profile session How do I share my profile? Um Copy link to profile got it got it for you. There we go. It's going it's going in the youtube chat and I will And copy it over to instagram. I'll post it in my story story after because I don't know if I can Put links down in the chat Music music's a big part of me, you know If I if I care about someone I'm interested in someone or I'm friends with somebody They're really like I make I make them like playlists because It just I feel I feel like you can communicate a lot free music um, especially if sometimes you don't always have the words to Describe exactly how you're feeling um Something that I experienced a lot sometimes. It's nice to share a little bit about yourself by the type of music that you listen to Chat the lead says uh telling people on the first in person meet your autistic feels best for me It also filters out people who won't make room or be understanding too I think you're very right there jack I think you're very right about that That's a good that's a good way to approach it. It's it's a little bit more out there vulnerable I guess And it just kind of put you at risk for feeling feeling bad about being autistic and dating But I think It is it is it is a very good way of going about I would say Uh, me and mantry says I'm very open about being autistic and trans I feel I probably wouldn't need to tell a date as such because most of my friends already know Fair enough fair enough so I suppose space for me. It's not really something that I consider a lot because a lot of the stuff that I do In terms of streaming and podcasts and instagram stuff is around autism So it'd be a bit weird for me like it it kind of just comes up in conversation for me. It's not like I just say that I'm autistic if that makes sense jailer 00 says have you seen any of the Barbies or Oppenheimer? I have seen both of them. I've seen Oppenheimer twice because I I just really Enjoyed the way that they made the film. I thought it was a very emotive and well done and You know, it's it's obviously about quite a deep dark side of history and topic, but I don't really like look into and read about a lot of history So whenever I find something like that that can really give me an insight into people's lives, I guess Um, it's always something that I really enjoy. I think about like Was that movie the enigma machine about um the autistic gay man who Like cracks cracks like the codes that the Germans were using during the the world war That was really interesting and and a little bit about the theory of relativity as well. I really like that although I think sometimes with movies, it's not always represented of the actual Person their lives sometimes Because that is it is a movie, you know Mark Dragon I says do you get random people hating on you for no apparent reason? I've always had people shouting in my face um I don't I don't know if I get people randomly hating on me. It's definitely not out in public I don't think people I I've never had an experience where people have been aggressive confrontational people. I don't know doing that doesn't tend to happen to me um, I think it's because I have quite a relaxed kind of open I would doubt like to use the word aura, but like Personality, I guess it's not really something that happens to me, but uh, definitely online It happens a lot online. I would say You know just the the odd person who just tunes in for a certain video and they have something to say and they don't really know much about me and you know what I do and things like that and Give the odd comment Mia says I get a lot of rejection trying to date being trans there was A time when men openly said they thought I should learn how to appreciate the body of born with I found it very hard to deal with once Yeah, I can imagine that it's it's it is a lot more difficult and I think I think it's nasty when people make those kind of comments like if it's if it's not something that They're okay with they don't need to be horrible about it, you know Um, I'd I'd hope that people would be a bit more accepting around it Um, I feel like the attitude is changing. I used to chase any potential maps Whereas now I feel more secure. My time will come 100 percent I'm sorry about those experiences Mia Sounds really tough Hello nerds. How are you doing and angela? Lovely to see you guys on this dream again How are you guys doing? I'm liking your red infinity badges Jayla says have been in college Or have I ever been in college? I went to sixth form which is kind of like college, but it's like the Secondary school that I went to that or high school if you're American They have like an add-on bit where you do two years that you would do in college at the actual school um, so I did I I kind of did to some degree um, but I did go to university which was um It's a very life-changing experience for me in general So some a lot of a lot of negatives. I will say A lot of negatives. Um, a lot of positives as well a lot of growth that I did over those those four years that I was studying You know Uh, Mia says how long have you had your autism diagnosis? How did your family and friends take it? Uh, I was diagnosed when I was 10 years old. So Not necessarily early not late. It's kind of in the middle um I think it was something that my parents didn't really want to think about because their their attitude and their Percept perception on that is that they don't want to label me. They don't want to um Make me feel bad about being being different from other people I think after they told me and just by the facts that I had already Kind of know knew that something was different about me and I could see like the differences between Myselfs and other people that actually gained the diagnosis and being told that It was incredibly like positive positively transformative to me 100% 100% and over time, you know as I do my online work and my advocacy and I talked to Uh, my parents about it, you know, I think it's it's definitely You know, it definitely has has some challenges. Most of those challenges come from The mental health conditions that I've developed Um due to past experiences Possibly because I was a bit different in terms of understanding people Um, I suppose to my peers Um, but I I think I sit fairly like neutral to positive when it comes to autism, you know I think there's a lot of upsides to it as well, you know, it's it's I very much believe in the social model of disability Especially when it comes to autism Uh, Ned says my black my wife has a black belt in All a non Support for recovering alcohol alcoholics like me. So she's a bit of an aspie whisperer interesting Uh, what is your hyper focused like? Um, I can get very hyper focused It tends to happen more when I'm not struggling with my mental health. I spend tend to struggle a lot with focus I'm like actually just focusing on anything when I'm going through a bad patch Uh, but usually if if there is something that really catches my attention and I'm really interested in it I can go for a solid like 10 hours just doing it forgetting to eat forgetting to drink Forgetting to date breaks um It's what it's one of the reasons it's one of the The reasons why I did so well in sports because I could just kind of Focus so much stick to the routine everything like that, you know, I hope that answered your question, Mia Josh Uji says I remember say hydrated everybody with some water or any kind of beverage that you have Now we we always sometimes struggle to stay hydrated Angel says I'm doing good just got back from a long motor rides with my boyfriend. It was very fun Well, I hope you are staying safe But our motor ride sounds really really cool when I was in Thailand I I had a um a partner who Um rode a moped a lot so I used to like sit on the back of a moped like going places it was us It was a little bit anxiety provoking to be honest because of like the traffic in Thailand But it was always like a really stingy thing for me. I like like the wind in my face you know Mia says I think a lot of our mental health issues are caused by discrimination and depression that we get That was certainly the case for me And being around people who recognize this has helped my mental health a lot 100 percent. I would I would definitely Definitely agree with that it's it's also I I think sometimes It can be An active thing that people do. I think there's a lot of aspects of like just the fact that our education our society are Anything like it's not it's not built for us And so we don't necessarily always get the supports that we need to thrive in in life and in places Um, which can be can be a real big issue. It's the whole social model of disability thing That's that I think is very applicable And that says I make my living programming and it to type focus nice nice Being out as an autistic has been mostly positive people say oh that makes sense That's good though.  I have definitely in the past Yes, my boyfriend is very responsible and make sure that we stay safe. Good. I'm glad to hear I wasn't assuming that they weren't safe. I just I have experience with motorcycle accident, so You know, there's there's my concern around it Well, we have about 50 minutes left of this oughty time live stream So if you've got any burning questions that you want to ask anything personal autism mental health dating not not dating relationships um fitness self-improvement go for it I'm an open book culture and autism What do you mean by that? You want you want me to talk about culture and autism? If you don't ask mommy asking when we diagnosed we've had this question already, but um 10 years old Positive it's most one of the most positive experiences of my life Absolutely life changing Nila says how can you tell if a woman or girl likes you or is this too generalized? um I can't To be honest unless people are direct I can sort of I think one of the things with being autistic and this is something that I talked about on the podcast that I did with um, autistically be a really great guy we were talking about um like some sometimes We can sense kind of different energy shifts in people like the way that they're interacting us in terms of body language tonality um Different behaviors we can we can tell when someone's kind of shifted mood, I guess But we can't always put a finger on exactly what that is and the difficulty with um things like attraction is that it's often very very dependent on like who that person is Some people are a lot more kind of forthright with it Other people are a lot more kind of standoffish Um, not very apparent. Some people are direct. Some people are not direct So it's it's hard to give kind of a generalized like I'll have like a generalized view of like how do I tell if someone likes me or not I don't really think about that to be honest. It's you know, if someone wants to to meet me And says directly that they like me then it's usually a welcome thing Okay, sorry, I'm new here. No worries at all Steph Um, Misami says like how autistics relate to their culture I think that's an interesting one because um for a long time I have been Very very interested in Japanese culture because I felt like it Um better suited suited the way that I was in in certain ways that I never really felt Or never really feel like a British person, you know um my kind of cultural upbringing background like in terms of like phrases and Sort of social norms. I'm I have an awareness about um, but I I don't find it actually very difficult to be in a different culture like especially if people Tell me and I'm like informed about what the differences are um I find that it doesn't really matter what someone's cultural background is um in terms of like getting on with them making friends things like that Um, it's very much about who they are and it's the same with being autistic or not being autistic um, I think sometimes We can be a lot more of like an independent mind like we don't necessarily Fit ourselves into the social norms that are around us And so we can sometimes be a bit of a kind of like a rogue A rogue person in terms of um Not fitting in You know having our own kind of personal values beliefs opinions things like that that are not necessarily Um or is described to the norm that of the place that we're living in um So I think to some degree that can be kind of like a a little bit more of a disconnect, which I think is good You know, I think being able to Have a bit more of an independent mind about things is definitely useful, but um In terms of fitting in especially during teenage hood High school secondary school can definitely be difficult Um Ned says that I have a meeting got a dropout. Thank you or tea these have been very therapeutic I'm really glad really glad Game of Christina says two days ago. I jumped out of an airplane. I went skydiving The most terrifying moment was the plane ride Diving through the sky the sky is the ultimate life experience. It made me face fear and fear as a mindset 100% I I'm very jealous I did actually want to do a charity skydive at some point This year. Um, but I was still going through the stages of recovering in terms of physio Um, so I had to kind of put it off for a bit, but I think next year. I'm going to try Try to get myself skydiving Maybe get someone to come along Um film some stuff for me. We can do like a whole Um autistic person goes skydiving kind of video might be quite interesting Austin says I was in little tokyo in the last weekend, which was neat. That's really cool Where is little tokyo in japan? Or is it just kind of like a place? Within a different country. I'm not sure Got our hydration reminders by joshuji. Thank you very much Uh, joshuji says do you find it hard to pack for a holiday sometimes? And living from a suitcase when you're on holiday? um I think if I haven't done it in a lot in a while then it can be difficult Um, when it comes to that though like I did I went backpacking around sipy stage for about two months after my um placement year studying mosquitoes in thailand and um I lived out of a backpack for two months um I did I did overpack it quite a lot and it was often like carrying around a lot of weight on my back which is probably not the best thing but um, it's definitely doable 100 percent Little tokyo in los angeles. Yeah Fair enough. I don't know what I was like. I've never been to america sadly Uh, jack leathers, thank you for answering questions today man I got a head off check out emails as I sent an invite to be a guest on my podcast See you soon tom take care. Thank you very much jack. I will try and get back on that. I think Next week, I'm going to try and get up to date with my emails and dms and things like that. So Definitely being judged at some point Uh, me and mantry says I'm very much an internationalist at heart Um, but I haven't been able to fly for years because I couldn't get reasonable adjustments, which is a long story that's interesting Uh, I never Unpacking hotels. I just live out of my suitcase that way. I'm less let less likely to leave things behind I have the exact same mindset It's just easy, you know, where everything is you can just kind of like Plop stuff around it if you don't want to repack it, you know I do the same So we have about six minutes left of the live stream Any burning questions that you have please go ahead and ask Um all questions good personal whatever autism and love There is a song that I'm liking at the moment Um called animals by call me charisma Um, it's it's not going to be like to everyone's taste, but I'm just like it's what it's my song at the moment I'm just listening to it a lot Austin henshaw says favorite anime. Whoo Um, I don't know if I could give one particular anime to be honest I like baccy a lot I'm actually going to A comma con. I think it's the mega con In december I think in Birmingham I'm going to dress up as baccy So I'm going to try and get nice and like Oh Apologies someone just Ah Sorry guys. Is it working? That connection is going on instagram. I think Okie dokie I think my dad just tried calling because he's he's going to take me to the gym But it's a little bit early. So I'm going to send him an message. So it'll be five minutes So yeah, I think it's just on instagram that it it kind of bugged out a little bit Favorite anime. Well, yeah baccy. Um, I really liked sword art online I had a picture I think from the last convention that I went to with a couple of characters that that went Dressed dressed as like the main characters, which is really cool um I like a dragon ball and Naruto it was those two animes were um, two of the reasons that I started doing martial arts because I never really had particularly like a role model that I followed So for me, uh, particularly in Naruto there was a character called Rock Lee um, and also just Pretty much all of the Dragon Ball Z characters. They're very like stoic and they're always like working out and like Motivated and like all that stuff. So it was Um really really positive for me watching that stuff when I was younger What do you think of stereophonics? I recognize the um the first song that was kind of the more popular one Um, so that was that was really cool Dragon Ball is my favorite anime cool cool Vegeta is the best character He's definitely an interesting one um I think in terms of my personality Goku very very much fits My personality to some degree Although it can be a little bit thick sometimes Thank you, mr. Senor Mutes for buying a badge really much appreciate that and uh before I head off in a couple of minutes, um If you guys have enjoyed this uh, you can always Like subscribe give give the the stream a like always helps a lot Um helps me do these things again Uh, we've had some some badges over on instagram, which is always really really helpful means that I can kind of Justify doing these streams a little bit more financially, which is What I really like because I'm really enjoying the whole streaming process at the moment. So Um to anyone who is supporting me. Thank you so much The Vegeta Goku friendship is fun to watch here 100% Oh, thank you very much mr. Austin for another gifted Um, what's the membership the the membership server on youtube, um There about 99p a month. So if you're wanting to support my work um 99p a month I don't really have any specific benefits other than badges at the moment But once I do get set up as self-employed and I start doing this as a full-time job Um, I will be trying to like do like sneak peeks of videos and things like that and obviously the people who are long-term members I will Definitely definitely be trying to to give you guys a little bit of a boost um Boost I don't know priority Do you mean I have a nice day by the stereophonics or handbags or um glad rags um I was listening to Dakota Have a great weekend. See you. Thank you. Thank you. So name you to us really really appreciate it Okay, um, it's around about the time that we're gonna have to end things up today, but um As I said, uh in a couple of weeks, I will be Knuckling down producing more content on instagram producing more reels that will go out on youtube shorts and obviously on instagram reels um so if Stay up to date for that There is also a possibility that I will be starting to stream a lot more do my kind of youtube reaction streams that I'm trying to do Uh looking some different autism content that's that's out there Give my own kind of personal feelings false critiques from from my own perspective So if you're interested in that go go head over to youtube and Follow me on there Be trying gonna gonna try and do about three streams a week. That's going to be the end goal of what I'm trying to do so um Excited to do it. I really really love doing the streaming. So it's it's always good Or sell a v Decor is very nice. I love to go awesome Have a great weekend everyone. Have a great weekend you too, Angela um And thank you. Thank you very much. Um to everyone who's joined um iola make sure to Uh, thank mr. Alston for the gifted sub gifted membership Much appreciated, man, and it'd be really good to catch up with you when you're in the uk Alrighty see you later instagram guys And you guys on youtube. Thank you so much again. Um Gonna post another video later tonight if you want to check it out, but um It's always really lovely to chat to you guys and um Yeah, I hope you guys have a lovely weekend. See you later


All right. Thank you, Otec, for the introduction. So this work is about evaluating a morphically neural network. So we want to evaluate neural networks over encrypted input. So as we know, machine learning as a service is gaining more and more importance every day, and new applications come out constantly. In the usual scenario, we have a remote party that has a model, for example, a trained neural network. And a user, let's say Alice, wants this model to be evaluated on some input X that she holds. So the usual, the easiest model of interaction is for Alice to send X to the remote party and receive the model evaluated on X. Of course, this works, but there is a huge problem here with, oh, sorry, with Alice's privacy, because her data, X, is leaked to the remote party. And this might be sensitive information that we don't want to be leaked. So one possible solution to this problem is, of course, fully homomorphic encryption, where instead of sending just X, Alice sends an encryption of X and gets back an encryption of the output of the result. So of course, this is good for privacy because data is encrypted both ways, meaning that the remote party doesn't learn X and doesn't even learn the output M of X. The usual problem is with efficiency, because all the solutions based on fully homomorphic encryptions are known to be somewhat cumbersome or inefficient or in any way complicated. So the goal of this work will be to evaluate neural networks homomorphically as efficiently as possible. And note that we do not care about training from encrypted data. We assume that the model already exists, has already been trained somehow with some data. We don't know how that happened. And we assume that the model is available in the clear. So the weights of the neural network will not be encrypted. So very quick refresher on neural networks. Some of these things have already been said by Shafi in her lecture notes. So we'll just repeat a few key concepts. So neural networks are collections of computational units called neurons, which are arranged in several layers. So we have an input layer that receives inputs from the external world. Then we have several hidden layers. And the number of these hidden layers define the depth of the model. And then we have an output layer that communicates the result back to the external world. And if we zoom in, and if we look at one single neuron, what happens inside the neuron is basically this. So there are inputs excise that come into the neuron on wires, which are associated to several weights, wi. And now two things happen in the neuron. So we have, first of all, this object, which we call multisum, because we scale the inputs excise by the weights wi. So we multiply them, and then we sum everything together. And then we apply a nonlinear function, which is called an activation function. The result, which we call y, is then the result of the neuron, which is propagated to the following layer. And please here note that everything is on the real. So in general, there is no restriction. So x, i's, w, i's, and y are all real valued numbers. In this work, we consider, as a specific use case, the problem of digit recognition, meaning that we will have a picture that represents a handwritten digit. This will be given to our model. And the model will have to predict, will have to understand which digit is depicted in the image. The thing here is that we will do everything homomorphically, meaning that we will start with an encryption of an image, and we will recover an encryption of the predicted label. And as a data set, we use the common NIST data set, which contains several thousands images of handwritten digits. So currently, the state of the art for this problem is Kryptonets. Shafi also mentioned this work. It was proposed in 2016 by people at Microsoft Research. And it achieves blind, meaning omomorphic, so it operates on encrypted data, noninteractive classification. And here, noninteractive means that it does not rely on multiparty computation, so there is no interaction between the user and the server. It also achieves almost state-of-the-art accuracy. There is a small loss, but it's fairly limited, so almost 99% accuracy. The problems here are that usually the activation functions are sigmoidal functions, meaning that they have the shape of an S, basically. And here, these functions are replaced with low-degree polynomials, because they are easier to evaluate homomorphically. And this has been shown to work pretty well. But the biggest problem is that it uses somewhat homomorphic encryptions, meaning that parameters have to be chosen at setup time. So when we set up the system, we have to choose the parameters taken into account, the entire structure of the system. So again, the main limitation of this approach is that the computation for each neuron depends on how complex the entire network is. So it depends on the total multiplicative depth of the entire network. And this is particularly bad, especially for deep learning, because in deep learning, we can have models where we have tens or even hundreds of layers one after the other. So the complexity is very high, so the parameters have to be chosen very large, and this makes the approach quickly inefficient. So it's an approach that, in general, does not scale well. Instead, in this work, we want to make the computation scaling variant, meaning that what happens at the neuron level does not depend on how big the total network is. And in order to achieve this result, we will rely on bootstrapping, which is a technique to refresh the ciphertext in order for it to be able to support more computations. So first of all, a restriction on the model. So we said that one of the steps that we have to perform is homomorphically computing this quantity here that we call multisum. So we will be given the weights of the model in the clear and encryptions of the inputs. So what we do is just we take the encryptions, we scale them by the corresponding weight, and then we sum everything together. The thing that we have to take care of is that in order to maintain correctness, we can scale only by integer constants. If we scale by floating points, we lose correctness. So we have to make sure that the weights are integer, whereas before, we had no such limitation. So of course, this induces a trade-off between efficiency and accuracy, because the way we discretize the weights will impact, of course, efficiency and accuracy. It's a matter of precision. So how precisely we want to discretize the weights? So again, the goal is to define an FHG-friendly model of neural networks. So a model of neural network that can be efficiently computed or evaluated homomorphically. So we define this object, which is called discretized neural network, or DIN. Here I put the definition, but actually it's very simple. We just take integer values for the inputs, integer values for the weights, and then we take an activation function that maps whatever comes out of the multi-sum back to the input space. This kind of cyclical structure makes sure that we can go on computing for an unbounded number of operations. So first of all, this model is not as restrictive as it might seem. For example, it has already been done, even in a more restrictive fashion, with binarized neural networks, where everything is binary. So both the inputs, the weights, and the activations, of course, are binary. And it has been shown to work well. Of course, there's a trade-off between size and performance, because if we want to discretize the network, they will become bigger in order to maintain the same level of accuracy. And finally, we know that a basic conversion from a generic neural network over the reals and a discretized neural network is extremely easy.  Of course, this might not be the best way to do it, so this might not be the best way to do the conversion, but it already works, meaning that it achieves a model that respects this definition. So again, once we have a DIN, how do we homomorphically evaluate it? So first of all, we want to evaluate the multisum, and this is easy, because we just need an homomorphic encryption scheme that supports linear operation. Then we want to apply the activation function, and this is a tricky part, because it depends on which function we choose, and I will tell you more about this in a moment. Then we have to bootstrap in order to refresh the ciphertext and be able to go on computing, and then we have to repeat this process for all the layers of the network. We also have some issues to face, so first of all, we have to choose the message space of the encryption scheme. We have several ways of doing this. We could guess a number based on some prior information that we have. We can take statistics on the training set and hope that the test set or the new instances will behave in the same way, or we can take the worst case over the entire input space, meaning that we support even the worst possible input that we can receive. This is usually the safest approach, but not guaranteed to be the best, because if the worst case happens with very low probability, then it might be better to just sacrifice perfect correctness in order to achieve more efficiency. Another issue is that the noise grows with a momorphic operations, so we have to start from a very small noise, because even if we apply bootstrapping here, just to compute the multi-sum, we already have to perform some momorphic operations, and this makes the noise grow. So we have to start with a very small noise, and in order to maintain security, even with a small noise, we have to compensate by using bigger parameters, larger parameters for the encryption scheme. And finally, the main question is, how do we apply the activation function homomorphically? So the basic idea is to activate while we apply the bootstrapping procedure. So we combine bootstrapping and activation function, meaning that we move from an encryption of a value x to a refreshed encryption of a value f of x. So we apply the function, the activation function f, and we bootstrap at the same time. So what happens is basically this, this is the same picture as before, only that now inputs and output and the output are encrypted. So we have encrypted inputs coming in, they are weighted with these weights, and they are activated and refreshed. The result is basically a refreshed version of this Y that we saw before. So again, two steps. First, we compute the multi-sum, and then we bootstrap to the activated value. The starting point is a work called TFHE. This is not threshold for the homomorphic encryption, it's torus for the homomorphic encryption. There is a collision in the acronyms. It's a work by Kilotti et al, which was presented in 2016 and is nowadays, to the best of my knowledge, the fastest implementation of the bootstrapping procedure. So the basic assumption is LWE over the torus, where the torus is the reals module one. So in this work, the authors define several flavors of LWE-based encryption schemes. The two that we will use are LWE and TLWE. So with LWE, we encrypt a scalar into n plus one scalars, whereas with TLWE, which is roughly ring LWE, we encrypt a polynomial into k plus one polynomials, where n and k are security parameters. Now, I will not go into the details of the bootstrapping procedure, but in order to just give a quick intuition, the analogy that the authors use is the wheel of fortune. So when we want to refresh a ciphertext, we prepare a wheel, which is divided into slices, and each slice contains a possible result of the bootstrapping procedure. Then we homomorphically spin the wheel, and we take whatever ciphertext is pointed to by the arrow at the end of the procedure. And homomorphically spinning the wheel means that instead of having access to the secret key s, we have access to an encryption of the secret key s, which is called the bootstrapping key. So basically, we start with the ciphertext that contains a certain message. We homomorphically spin the wheel by a quantity which is equivalent to this message, and then we pick whatever ciphertext we end up on. This is an intuition on the bootstrapping procedure. So in this work, we focus on the sign as an activation function. So we want to homomorphically compute the sign of a message, and the way we do it is this. So we start with the wheel on the left-hand side that contains our inputs. So from one to i, from minus one to minus i, and the zero. And we map this wheel to the wheel on the right-hand side where the top points are associated to plus one, and the bottom points are associated to minus one. Then we homomorphically spin this wheel, and we pick the ciphertext that we end up on, and that will be an encryption of the sign of the message. Along the way, we also introduce some refinements. So first of all, we reduce the bandwidth usage with the standard packing technique of encrypting the polynomial instead of many scalars. So instead of encrypting the pixels one by one, we encrypt the polynomial that contains an entire image. So we start with a TLWE encryption of this polynomial, where PIs are the pixels, and we obtain this ciphertext, CT. Then in the first hidden layer, we prepare this polynomial WPOL, which contains the weights, WI, times x to the minus i. And now it's easy to see that if we multiply CT and WPOL, the constant term of the result will be exactly the encryption of the multisum that we want to compute. Also, we can dynamically change the message space of our encryption scheme. So we could keep the message space constant throughout the entire evaluation of the neural network. We just take the bound on all the values that we want to support, and we say this is our message space, and it will not change. But a better idea is to change the message space as we go on through the evaluation of the network, because the intuition is that we can take larger slices when we need less slices. So if we don't need a very large message space, we can take larger slices and accommodate for a larger error. And this allows us to take less aggressive parameters. How do we do this? Well, the details are in the paper, but a quick intuition that I can give is basically we change what we put inside the wheel. So every time we have to compute a bootstrapping, we have to set up this wheel that I showed you before, and by choosing what we put in the wheel, we can dynamically change the message space of the encryption scheme. So the bottom line is that we can start with any message space that we want at encryption time and then change it dynamically during the bootstrapping procedure. So let me show you an overview of the process. For example, let's say that we want to evaluate a discretized neural network with 30 neurons in the hidden layer. So the user starts from an image, it encrypts it as a polynomial, and obtains one TLWA cybertext. So here we are in the input layer of the neural network. Then sends this over to the server. The server multiplies whatever it receives by this W pole, so the polynomial with the weights, and obtains 30 TLWE cybertext, one for every neuron in the hidden layer. Then extracts the constant term and obtains 30 LWE cybertext corresponding to the multi sums. Then bootstraps into the sign, which means computing homomorphically deactivation function, obtains 30 LWE cybertext once again, so one per neuron, computes this weighted sum here, moving towards the output layer, obtains 10 LWE cybertext, one per neuron. Sends everything back to the user, the user decrypts, obtains 10 scores, which can be seen as the probabilities given from the network to the digit, to the image basically. That takes the argmax, which means selecting the most likely label according to the network, and if everything works correctly, the user should recover seven here. So the label should be corresponding to the image that was sent at the beginning. So here we have some numbers, so we implemented the solution, and here we have some experimental results. So we can focus, for example, on these lines. So on top we have the results on inputs in the clear. So this is the original neural network that we have. I would like to stress that we did not put too much effort into optimizing the machine learning model. We just wanted something that we could evaluate homomorphically and see how this framework performed. So we start from a neural network over the reals, which has this accuracy. Then we discretize it, and then we use the sign as an activation function. This induces a certain loss because we lose precision during the discretization, and also because we change the activation function to the sign. So this is the accuracy that we have in the clear, and when we evaluate it homomorphically, we have, for example, these values. These two values correspond to different implementations of the procedures. If you want the details, they are in the papers, basically two ways of implementing the bootstrapping procedure. As we can see, the accuracy drops a bit. This is because we set aggressive parameters in order to gain as much efficiency as we could, and the problem here is that sometimes the bootstrapping might return the wrong result because of too much noise. The thing here is that neural networks are supposed to be resilient to noise, and in fact we verify that even if sometimes we flip some bits here and there, the results are mostly correct. All right, so here we have some more numbers for our framework. So the first line refers to a discretized neural network with 30 hidden neurons and the second with 100 hidden neurons. So first of all, the size of the ciphertext is very limited, only eight kilobytes for an entire image. Here we have the accuracies, the encryption time, the evaluation time, and the decryption time, and I would like to stress that encryption times and decryption times do not depend on the shape of the network, so they are completely independent of the model that will be evaluated on the ciphertext, and also an important feature of this work is that the evaluation time scales only linearly with the number of neurons, so we don't have to change any of the other parameters, meaning that it just depends linearly on the number of the neurons or the number of the layers. So we have several open problems, so first of all, we would like to build better discretized neural networks. As I told you, we did not pay too much attention into refining the model, we just wanted to convert a normal neural network into a discretized neural network, and so we basically multiply by a constant and remove the decimal part. There might be better ways of doing this procedure, and also once we have obtained a discretized neural network, it might be possible to retrain, so to fine tune the integer weights that we have found in order to squeeze all the accuracy out of the model. Also, we would like to implement everything on GPU because within a layer, all the neurons can be processed completely independently of one another, so this is the perfect scenario for parallel computing and GPUs. And more importantly, we would like to apply this framework to more models, for example, convolutional neural networks and to more machine learning problems. But in order to do this, we have to be able to support more activation functions. So here we were very limited by the fact that we can only compute the sine function if we are able to compute homomorphically and efficiently the max function or the so-called rectified linear unit, which is a very popular activation function nowadays. This would open the way to homomorphic evaluation of very complex deep learning models. Okay, so this is it. Thank you for your attention.