Volume 4, Chapter 10 of Cecilia. Unable to relieve herself from this perplexity, Cecilia, to divert her chagrin, again visited Miss Belfield. She had then the pleasure to hear that her brother was much recovered, and had been able, the preceding day, to take an airing, which she had borne so well that Mr. Ruppel had charged him to use the same exercise every morning. "'And will he?' said Cecilia. "'No, madam. I am sadly afraid not,' she answered. "'For Coach Hyer is very expensive, and we are willing now to save all we can in order to help fitting him out for going abroad.' Cecilia then earnestly entreated her to accept some assistance, but she assured her she did not dare without the consent of her mother, which, however, she undertook to obtain. The next day when Cecilia called to hear her success, Mrs. Belfield, who hitherto had kept out of sight, made her appearance. She found her, alike in person, manners, and conversation a coarse and ordinary woman, not more unlike her son in talents and acquired accomplishments, and this similar to her daughter in softness and natural delicacy. The moment Cecilia was seated, she began, without waiting for any ceremony or requiring any solicitation, abruptly to talk of her affairs, and repiningly to relate her misfortunes. "'I find, madam,' she said, "'you have been so kindest to visit my daughter, Hennie, a great many times. But as I have no time for company, I have always kept out of the way, having other things to do than sit still to talk. I have had a sad time of it here, ma'am, with my poor son's illness, having no convenience of us about me, and much ado to make him mind me, for he's all for having his own way, poor dear soul, and I'm sure I don't know who would contradict him, for it's what I never had the heart to do. But then, ma'am, what is to come of it? You see how bad things go, for though I have got a very good income, it won't do for everything. And if it was as much again, I should want to save it all now, for here my poor son, you see, is reduced all in a minute, as one may say, from being one of the first gentlemen in the town, to a mere poor object without a farthing in the world. He is, however, I hope now much better on his health,' said Cecilia. "'Yes, madam, thank heaven, for if he was worse, those might tell of it that would, for I'm sure I should never live to hear of it. He has been the best son in the world, madam, and used to nothing but the best company, for I spared neither pains nor cost to bring him up gentilely, and I believe there's not a nobleman in the land that looks more the gentleman. However, there's come no good of it, for though his acquaintances were all among the first quality, he never received the value of a penny from the best of them. So I have no great need to be proud, but I meant for the best, though I have often enough wished I had not meddled in the matter, but left him to be brought up in the shop as his father was before him. "'His present plan, however,' said Cecilia, "'will I hope make you ample amends, both for your sufferings and your tenderness. "'What, madam, when he's going to leave me and settle in foreign parts? If you was a mother yourself, madam, you would not think that such good amends.' "'Settle,' said Cecilia. "'No, he only goes for a year or two. That's more than I could say, madam, or anybody else, and nobody knows what may happen in that time. And how shall I keep myself up when he's beyond seas, I am sure I don't know, for he has always been the pride of my life, and every penny I save for him I thought to have been paid in pounds. You will still have your daughter, and she seems so amiable, that I am sure you can want no consolation she will not endeavor to give you. But what is a daughter, madam, to such a son as mine, a son that I have thought to have seen living like a prince, and sending his own coach for me to dine with him? And now he's going to be taken away from me, and nobody knows if I shall live till he comes back. But I may think myself, for if I had but been content to see him brought up in the shop, yet all the world would have cried shame upon it. For when he was quite a child in arms, the people used all to say he was born to be a gentleman, and would live to make many a fine lady's heart ache. "'If he can but make your heart easy,' said Cecilia, smiling, he will not grieve that the fine lady should escape the prophecy. "'Oh, ma'am, I don't mean by that to say he has been over gay among the ladies, for it's a thing I never heard of him. And I dare say if any lady was to take a fancy to him, she'd find there was not a modest or young man in the world. But you must need to think what a hardship it is to me to have him turn out so unlucky, after all I have done for him when I thought to have seen him at the top of the tree, as one may say. It will yet, I hope, said Cecilia, make you rejoice in all your kindness to him. His health is already returning, and his affairs were again a more prosperous aspect. But do you suppose, ma'am, that having him sent two or three hundred miles away from me, with some young master to take care of, is the way to make up to me what I have gone through for him? Why, I used to deny myself everything in the world in order to save money to buy him smart clothes, and let him go to the opera and rena-law in such sort of places that he might keep himself in fortune's way. And now you see the end of it. Here he is in a little shabby room up two pairs of stairs, with not one of the great folks coming near him to see if he so much is dead or alive. I do not wonder, said Cecilia, that you resent their showing so little gratitude for the pleasure and entertainment they have formally received from him. But comfort yourself that it will at least secure you from any similar disappointment, as Mr. Belfield will in future be guaranteed from forming such precarious expectations. But what good will that do me, madam? For all the money he has been throwing after them all this while, do you think I would have scraped it up for him and gone without everything in the world to see it all end in this manner? Why, he might as well have been brought up the commonest journeyman for any comfort I shall have of him at this rate, and suppose he should be drowned in going beyond seas, what am I to do then? You must not, said Cecilia, indulge such fears. I doubt not, but your son will return well and return all that you wish.  Certainly, said Cecilia, amazed at this accusation, I should not wish him to go abroad if anything more eligible could be, done by his remaining in England, but as no prospect of that sort seems before him, you must endeavor to reconcile yourself to parting with him. Yes, but how am I to do that, when I don't know if ever I shall see him again? Who could have thought of his living so among the great folks and then coming to want? I'm sure I thought they'd have provided for him like a son of their own, for he used to go about to all the public places as they did themselves. Day after day I used to be counting, for when he would come to tell me he'd got a place at court, or something of that sort, for I never could tell what it would be, and then the next news I heard was that he was shut up in this poor bit of place with nobody troubling their heads about him. However, I'll never be persuaded, but he might have done better if he would but have spoke a good word for himself, or else have let me done it for him, instead of which he never would so much as let me see any of his grand friends, though I would not have made the least scruple in the world to have asked them for anything he had a mind to. Cecilia again endeavored to give her comfort, but finding her only satisfaction was to express her discontent, she arose to take leave. But, turning first to Miss Belfield, contrived to make a private inquiry whether she might repeat her offer of assistance. A downcast and dejected look answering in the affirmative, she put into her hand a ten pound banknote and wishing them good morning hurried out of the room. Miss Belfield was running after her but stopped by her mother who called out, What is it? How much is it? Let me look at it. And then, following Cecilia herself, she thanked her loud all the way downstairs for her gentleness, assuring her she would not fail making it known to her son. Cecilia at this declaration turned back and exhorted her by no means to mention it, after which she got into her chair and returned home, pitying Miss Belfield for the unjust partiality shown to her brother and excusing the proud shame he had manifested of his relations from the vulgarity and selfishness of her who was at the head of them. Almost a fortnight had now elapsed since her explanation with young Deville, yet not once had he been in Portman Square, though in the fortnight which had preceded, Scarceday had passed which had not afforded him some pretense for calling there. At length a note arrived from Mrs. Delville. It contained the most flattering reproaches for her long absence and a pressing invitation that she would dine and spend the next day with her. Cecilia, who had merely denied herself the pleasure of this visit from an apprehension of seeming too desirous of keeping up the connection, now from the same sense of propriety determined upon making it, wishing equally to avoid all appearances of consciousness either by seeking or avoiding the intimacy of the family. Not a little was her anxiety to know in what manner young Delville would receive her, whether he would be grave or gay, agitated as during their last conversation, or easy as in the meetings which had preceded it. She found Mrs. Delville, however, alone, and extremely kind to her, yet much surprised and half displeased, that she had so long been absent. Cecilia, though somewhat distressed with excuses to offer, was happy to find herself so highly in favor and not very reluctant to promise more frequent visits in future. They were then summoned to dinner, but still no young Delville was visible. They were joined only by his father, and she found that no one else was expecting. Her astonishment now was greater than ever, and she could account by no possible conjecture for her conduct so extraordinary. Hitherto, whenever she had visited on St. James Square by appointment, the air with which she had received her constantly announced that he had impatiently waited her arrival. He had given up other engagement to stay with her. He had openly expressed his hopes that she would never be long absent, and seemed to take a pleasure in her society to which every other was inferior. And now how striking the difference! He forbore all visits at the house where she resided. He even flew from his own when he knew she was approaching him. Nor was this the only vexation of which this day was productive. Mr. Delville, when the servants were withdrawn after dinner, expressed some concern that he had been called from her during their last conversation, and added that he would take the present opportunity to talk with her upon some matters of importance. He then began the usual parading prelude, which upon all occasions he thought necessary in order to enhance the value of his interposition, remind her of her inferiority, and impress her with a deeper sense of the honor which his guardianship conferred upon her after which he proceeded to make a formal inquiry whether she had positively dismissed Sir Robert Floyer. She assured him she had. I understood, my Lord El-Nauf, said he, that you had totally discouraged the addresses of his son. Guess, Sir, answered Cecilia, for I never meant to receive them. Have you then any other engagement? No, Sir, cried she, coloring between shame and displeasure, none at all. This is a very extraordinary circumstance, replied he, the son of an earl to be rejected by a young woman of no family, and yet no reason assigned for it. This contemptuous speech so cruelly shocked Cecilia that though he continued to harangue her for a great part of the afternoon, she only answered him when compelled by some question, and was so evidently discomposed, that Mrs. Deville, who perceived her uneasiness with much concern, redoubled her civilities and caresses, and used every method in her power to oblige and live in her. Cecilia was not ungrateful for her care, and showed her sense of it by added respect and attention, but her mind was disturbed, and she quitted the house as soon as she was able. Mr. Deville's speech from her previous knowledge of the extreme haughtiness of his character would not have occasioned her the smallest emotion had it nearly related to him or to herself, but as it concerned Lord El-Nauf, she regarded it also concerning his son, and she found that far from trying to promote the union Mr. Mountain had told her he had planned, he did not seem even to think of it, but on the contrary, proposed and seconded with all his interest another alliance. This, added to the behavior of young Deville, made her suspect that some engagement was an agitation on his own part, and that while she thought him so sedulous only to avoid her, he was simply occupied in seeking another. This painful suggestion, which everything seemed to confirm, again overset all her schemes, and destroyed all her visionary happiness. Yet how to reconcile it with what had passed at their last meeting she knew not. She had then every reason to believe that his heart was in her power, and that courage or an opportunity more seasonable was all he wanted to make known his devotion to her. Why then shun if he loved her? Why if he loved her not seem so perturbed at the explanation of her independence? A very little time, however, she hoped would unravel this mystery. In two days the entertainment which Mr. Harrell had planned to deceive the world by an appearance of affluence to which he had lost all title was to take place. Young Deville, in common with every other person who had ever been seen at the house, had early received an invitation, which he had readily promised to accept sometime before the conversation that seemed the period of their acquaintance had passed. Should he, after being so long engaged, fail to give his appointment, she could no longer have any doubt of the justice of her conjecture. Should he, on the contrary, again appear from his behavior and his looks, she might perhaps be able to gather why he had so long been absent. The day at length arrived of which the evening and the entrance of company were for the first time, as eagerly wished by Cecilia as by her dissipated host and hostess. No expense and no pains had been spared to render this long-projected entertainment splendid and elegant. It was to begin with a concert, which was to be followed by a ball and succeeded by supper. Cecilia, though unusually anxious about her own affairs, was not so engrossed by them as to behold within difference a scene of such unjustifiable extravagance. It contributed to render her thoughtful and uneasy, and to deprive her of all mental power of participating in the gaiety of the assembly. Mr. Arnaut was yet more deeply affected by the mad folly of the scheme, and received from the whole evening no other satisfaction than that which a look of sympathetic concern from Cecilia occasionally afforded him. Till nine o'clock no company appeared except Sir Robert Floyer, who stayed from dinnertime, and Mr. Marise, who, having received an invitation for the evening, was so much delighted with the permission to again enter the house, that he made use of it between six and seven o'clock and before the family had left the dining parlor. He apologized with the utmost humility to Cecilia for the unfortunate accident at the Pantheon, but as to her it had been productive of nothing but pleasure by exciting in young Delville the most flattering alarm for her safety. She found no great difficulty in according him her pardon. Among those who came in the first crowd was Mr. Moncton, who had he been equally unconscious of sinister views, would in following his own inclination have been as early in his attendance as Mr. Marise, but who, to obviate all suspicious remarks, conformed to the fashionable tardiness of the times. Cecilia's chief apprehension for the evening was that Sir Robert Floyer would ask her to dance with him, which she could not refuse without sitting still during the ball, nor except after the reports she knew to be spread, without seeming to give a public sanction to them. To Mr. Moncton, therefore, innocently considering him as a married man and her old friend, she frankly told her distress, adding by way of excuse for the hint that the partners were to be changed every two dances. Mr. Moncton, though his principal's study was carefully to avoid all public gallantry or aciduity towards Cecilia, had not the forebearance to resist this intimation, and therefore she had the pleasure of telling Sir Robert, when he asked the honor of her hand for the two first dances, that she was already engaged. She then expected that he would immediately secure her for the two following, but to her great joy he was so much peaked by the evident pleasure with which she announced her engagement that he proudly walked away without adding another word. Much satisfied with this arrangement and not without hopes that, if she was at liberty when he arrived, she might be applied to by Young Delville. She now endeavored to procure herself a place in the music room. This was some difficulty she affected, but though there was an excellent concert in which several capital performers played and sung, she found it impossible to hear a note, as she chanced to be seated just by Miss Leeson and two other young ladies who were paying one another compliments upon their dress and their looks, settling to dance in the same coutillion, guessing who would begin the minuettes, and wondering there were not more gentlemen. Yet in the midst of this unmeaning conversation of which she remarked that Miss Leeson bore the principal part, not one of them failed from time to time to exclaim with a great rapture, what sweet music! Oh, how charming! Did you ever hear anything so delightful? Ah, said Cecilia to Mr. Gosport, who now approached her. But for your explanatory observations, how much would the sudden leucusity of this supercilious lady, whom I had imagined all but dumb, have perplexed me? Those who are most silent to strangers, answered Mr. Gosport, commonly talk most fluently to their intimates, for they are deeply in arrairs and eager to pay off their debts. Miss Leeson now is in her proper set, and therefore appears in her natural character, and the poor girl's joy in being able to utter all the nothing she has painfully hoarded, while separated from her couture. Gives to her now the wild transport of a bird just let loose from a cage. I rejoice to see the little creature at liberty, for what can be so melancholy as a forced appearance of thinking, where there are no materials for such an occupation. Soon after, Miss LaRalls, who was laughing immororately, contrived to crowd herself into their party, calling out to them, Oh, you have had the greatest loss in the world! If you had but been in the next room just now, there's the drolest figure there you can conceive, enough to frighten one to look at him. And presently, she added, Oh, Lord, if you stoop a little this way, you may see him. Then followed a general tittering accompanied with exclamations of Lord what a fright! It's enough to kill one with lapping to look at him. Did you ever see such a hard creature in your life? And soon after, one of them screamed out, Oh, Lord, see, he's grinning at Miss Beverly!  She returned his salutation, but was not much charm to observe, that presently descending from his exalted post, which had moved the wonder and visibility of all the company, he made a motion to approach her, for which purpose, regardless of either ladies or gentlemen in his way, he sturdily pushed forward with the same unconcerned hardiness he would have forced himself through a crowd in the street, and taking not the smallest notice of their frowns, supplications that he would stand still, and exclamations of praise, sir, Lord Howe trepelsome, and sir, I do assure you here's no room. He fairly and adroitly elbowed them from him till he reached her seat, and then, with a waggish grin, he looked round to show he had got the better, and to see whom he had discomposed. When he had enjoyed this triumph, he turned to Cecilia and chucking her under the chin said, Well, my little duck, how goes it? Got to you at last, squeezed my way, would not be nicked, warrant, I'll mob with the best of them. Look here, all in a heat, hot as the dog-days. And then, to the utter consternation of the company, he took off his wig to wipe his head, which occasioned such universal horror that all who were near the door escaped into other apartments, while those who were too much enclosed for flight, with one accord turned away their heads. Captain Aresby, being applied to by some of the ladies to remonstrate upon this unexampled behavior, advanced to him and said, I am quite obvime, sir, to incomode you, but the commands of the ladies are insuperable. Give me leave, sir, to entreat that you would put on your wig. My wig, cried he, I, I, shall in a moment only want to wipe my head first. I am quite assommé, sir, return the captain, to disturb you, but I must really hint, you don't comprehend me. The ladies are extremely inconvenienced by these sort of sides, and we make it a principle they should never be accoblese with them.  What for, cried he, what's the matter with my head? Narrow man here got a better, very good stuff in it, won't change it with narrow one of you. And then, half unconscious of the offense he had given, and half angry at the rebuke he had received, he leisurely completed his design, and again put on his wig, settling it to his face with as much composure as if he had performed the operation in his own dressing room. The captain, having gained his point, walked away, making, however, various grimaces of disgust, and whispering from side to side, he's the most petrifying fellow I ever was upset about. Mr. Briggs then, with much derision and sundry distortions of countenance, listened to an Italian song, after which he bustled back to the outer apartment in search of Cecilia, who, ashamed of seeming a party in the disturbance he had excited, had taken the opportunity of his dispute with the captain to run into the next room, where, however, he presently found her, while she was giving an account to Mr. Gosport of her connection with him, to which Marais, ever curious and eager to know what was going forward, was also listening. All little chick, cried he, got to you again, soon out jostled those Jimmy Sparks, but where's the supper? Seen nothing of the supper. Time to go to bed. Suppose there is none.  Supper, sir, cried Cecilia, the concert is not over yet. Was supper mentioned in your card of invitation? I, to be sure, should not have come else. Don't visit often. Always costs money. Wish I had not come now, wore a hole in my shoe, hardly a crack in it before. Why, you did not walk, sir? Did, did, why not? Might as well have stayed away, though, dobbed my best coat, like to have spoilt it. So much the better for the tailor, sir, said Marais Pertley, for then you must have another. Another? What for? Hadn't had this seven years, just as good as new. I hope, said Cecilia, you had not another fall. Worse, worse, like to have lost my bundle. What bundle, sir? Best coat and waistcoat, brought him and my handkerchief, purposed to save them. When will Master Harrell do as much? But had you no apprehension, sir, said Mr. Gosport Dryley, that the handkerchief would be sooner worn out for having a knot tied in it?  Coat and waistcoat popped out. But what became of the boy, sir? cried Marais. I hope he got off. Could not run for laughing, caught him in a minute, gave him something to laugh for, drugged him soundly.  I am really sorry for him, but pray, sir, what became of your best coat and waistcoat while you gave him this drumming? Did you leave them in the dirt? No, Mr. Nincompoop, answered Briggs Angerly. I put them on a stall. That was a perilous expedient, sir, said Mr. Gossport, and I should fear might be attended with ill consequences, for the owner of the stall would be apt to expect some little ducier. How did you manage, sir? Bought a half penny worth of apples, served for supper tomorrow night. But how, sir, did you get your clothes dried or cleaned? Went to an alehouse, cost me half a pint. And pray, sir, cried Marais, where at last did you make your toilet? Shantel, shantel, ask no more questions. What signifies where a man slips on a coat and waistcoat? Why, sir, this will prove an expensive expedition to you, said Mr. Gossport very gravely. Have you cast up what it may cost you? More than it's worth, more than it's worth, answered he petishly, hadn't laid out so much in pleasure these five years. Ha ha, cried Marais, hallowing aloud, why it can't be more than six pints in all. Six pints, repeated he scornfully. If you don't know the value of six pints, you'll never be worth five pints, three farthings. Had to think got rich, hey, by wearing fine coats and frizzling my paint? No, no. Master Harrell, for that, asked him if he'll cast an account with me. Never knew a man worth a penny with such a coat as that on. Marais again laughed, and again Mr. Briggs reproved him. And Cecilia, taking advantage of the squabble, stole back to the music room. Here, in a few minutes, Mistress Panton, a lady who frequently visited at the house, approached Cecilia, followed by a gentleman whom she had never before seen, but who was so evidently charmed with her that he had looked at no other object since his entrance into the house. Mistress Panton, presenting him to her by the name of Mr. Marriott, told her he had begged her intercession for the honor of her hand in the two first dances, and the moment she answered that she was already engaged, the same request was made for the two following. Cecilia had then no excuse, and was therefore obliged to accept him. The hope she had entertained in the early part of the evening was already almost wholly extinguished. Delfill appeared not, though her eye watched the entrance of every new visitor, and her vexation made her believe that he alone of all the town was absent. When the concert was over, the company joined promiscuously for chat and refreshments before the ball, and Mr. Gosport advanced to Cecilia to relate a ridiculous dispute which had just passed between Mr. Briggs and Marise. You, Mr. Gosport, said Cecilia, who seemed to make the minuate of absurd characters your study, can explain to me perhaps why Mr. Briggs seems to have as much pleasure in proclaiming his meanness as in boasting his wealth.  What you, however, call meanness, he thinks wisdom, and recollects therefore, not with shame, but with triumph, the various little arts and subterversies by which his coffers have been filled. Here, Lord Ernoff, concluding Cecilia still disengaged from seeing her only discourse with Mr. Gosport and Mr. Mockton, one of this course was old enough to be her father, and the other was a married man, advanced in presenting to her Lord Durford, his son, a youth not yet of age, solicited for him the honor of her hand as his partner. Cecilia, having a double excuse, easily declined this proposal. Lord Ernoff, however, was too earnest to be repulsed, and told her he should again try his interest when her two present engagements were fulfilled. Hopeless now of young Delville, she heard this intimation with indifference, and was accompanying Mr. Mockton into the ballroom when Ms. LaRose, flying towards her with an air of infinite eagerness, caught her hand and said in a whisper, Pray, let me wish you joy. Certainly, said Cecilia, but pray, let me ask you of what. Oh, Lord, now answered she, I am sure you know what I mean, but you must know I have a prodigious monstrous great favor to beg of you. Now pray don't refuse me, I assure you if you do I shall be so mortified you've no notion. Well, what is it? Nothing but to let me be one of your Bridemaids. I assure you I shall take it as the greatest favor in the world. My Bridemaid, cried Cecilia, but do you not think the Bridegroom himself will be rather offended to find a Bridemaid appointed before he is even thought of? Oh, pray now, cried she, don't be ill-natured, for if you are, you've no idea how I shall be disappointed. Only conceive what happened to me three weeks ago. You must know I was invited to Miss Clinton's wedding, and so I made up a new dress on purpose, in a very particular sort of shape, quite of my own invention, and it had the sweetest effect you can conceive. Well, and when the time came, do you know her mother happened to die? Never anything was so excessive unlucky, for now she won't be married this half year, and my dress will be quite old and yellow for it's all white and the most beautiful thing you ever saw in your life. Upon my word, you are very obliging, cried Cecilia, laughing, and pray, do you make interest regularly around with all your female acquaintance to be married upon this occasion, or am I the only one you think this distress will work upon? Now how excessive teasing, cried Miss LaRose, when you know so well what I mean, and when all the town knows as well as myself. Cecilia then seriously inquired whether she had really any meaning at all. Lord yes, answered she, you know I mean about Sir Robert Florier, for I'm told you've quite refused, Lord Durford. And are you also told that I have accepted Sir Robert Florier? Oh dear yes, the jewels are bought and the equipages are built, it's quite a settled thing, I know very well. Cecilia then very gravely began an attempt to under-seep her, but the dancing beginning also at the same time, she stayed not to hear her, hurrying with a beating heart to the place of action. Mr. Moncton and his fair partner then followed, mutually exclaiming against Mr. Harrell's impenetrable conduct, of which Cecilia, however, in a short time ceased wholly to think. For as soon as the first Catillion was over, she perceived Young Delville just walking into the room. Surprise, pleasure, and confusion assailed her all at once. She had entirely given up her expectation of seeing him, and an absence so determined had led her to conclude he had pursuits, which ought to make her join in wishing it lengthened. But now he appeared that conclusion with the fears that gave rise to it vanished, and she regretted nothing but the unfortunate secession of engagements which would prevent her dancing with him at all, and probably keep off all conversation with him till supper time. She soon, however, perceived a change in his air and behavior that extremely astonished her. He looked grave and thoughtful, saluted her at a distance, she'd no sign of any intention to approach her. Regarded the dancing and dancers as a public spectacle in which he had no chance of personal interest, and seemed wholly altered, not merely with respect to her, but to himself, as his former eagerness for her society was not more abated than his former general gaiety. She had no time, however, for comments as she was presently called to the second coutillion. But the confused and unpleasant ideas which, without waiting for time or reflection crowded upon her imagination on observing his behavior were not more depressing to herself than obvious to her partner. Mr. Moncton, by the change in her countenance, first perceived the entrance of young Delville, and by her apparent emotion and uneasiness readily penetrated into the state of her mind. He was confirmed that her affections were engaged. He saw, too, that she was doubtful with what return. The grief with which he made the first discovery was somewhat lessened by the hopes he conceived from the second. Yet the evening was to him as painful as to Cecilia, since he now knew that whatever prosperity might ultimately attend his address and assiduity, her heart was not her own to bestow, and that even were he sure of young Delville's indifference, and actually at liberty to make proposals for himself, the time of being first in her esteem was at an end, and the long-earned good opinion which he had hoped would have ripened into affection might now be wholly undermined by the sudden impression of a lively stranger, without trouble to himself and perhaps without pleasure. Reflections such as these wholly embittered the delight he had promised himself from dancing with her, and took from him all power to combat the anxiety with which she was seized, when the second coutillion, therefore, was over, instead of following her to a seat or taking the privilege of his present situation to converse with her, the jealousy rising in his breast robbed him of all satisfaction and gave to him no other desire than to judge its justice by watching her motions at a distance. Meanwhile, Cecilia, inattentive whether he accompanied or quitted her, proceeded to the first vacant seat. Young Delville was standing near it and in a short time, but rather as if he could not avoid than as if he wished it, he came to inquire how she did. The simplest question in the then situation of her mind was sufficient to confuse her, and though she answered, she hardly knew what he had asked. A minute's recollection, however, restored an apparent composure, and she talked to him of Mistress Delville, with her usual partial regard for that lady, and with an earnest endeavor to seem unconscious of any alteration in his behavior. Yet to him, even this trifling and general conversation was evidently painful, and he looked relieved by the approach of Sir Robert Floyer, who soon after joined them. At this time, a young lady who was sitting by Cecilia called to a servant who was passing for a glass of lemonade. Cecilia desired he would bring her one also, but Delville, not sorry to break off the discourse, said he would himself be her cup-bearer, and for that purpose went away. A moment after the servant returned with some lemonade to Cecilia's neighbor, and Sir Robert, taking a glass from him, brought it to Cecilia at the very instant young Delville came with another. I think I am beforehand with you, sir, said the insolent baronette. No, sir, answered young Delville. I think we were both in together. Miss Beverly, however, is steward of the race, and we must submit to her decision. Well, Madam, cried Sir Robert, here we stand waiting your pleasure, which is to be the happy man. Each, I hope, answered Cecilia with admirable presence of mind, since I expect no less than that she will both do me the honor of drinking my health. This little contrivance, which saved her alike from shooing favor or giving offense, could not but be applauded by both parties, and while they obeyed her orders, she took a third glass herself from the servant. While this was passing, Mr. Briggs again, perceiving her, stumped hastily towards her, calling out, aha, my duck, what's that, got something nice? Come here, my lad, taste it myself. He then took a glass, but having only put it to his mouth, made a rye face, and returned it, saying, bad, bad, poor punch indeed, not a drop of rum in it.  Don't spare in fools, returned Mr. Briggs, keeps them in plenty. No, sir, nor in any other nor in any out-of-the-way characters, answered Marise.   Cecilia, somewhat ashamed of this speech, looked towards young Delville, in whom it occasioned the first smile she had seen that evening. Been looking about for you, continued Briggs, nodding sagaciously, believe I found one will do. Guess what I mean, one hundred thousand pound, hey, what say to that? Anything better at the west end of the town? One hundred thousand pound, cried Marise, and praise, sir, who made this be? Not you, Mr. Jack and Apes, sure of that, and quite positive he'll have you neither. Think he will, though. Praise, sir, what age is he, cried the never-daunted Marise? Why about, let's see, don't know, never heard, what signifies, but, sir, he's an old man, I suppose, by being so rich. Old, no, no such thing, about my own standing. What, sir, and do you propose him for a husband to Miss Beverly? Why not, to know ever a one warmer? Think Master Harold will get her a better, or tether old dawn in the grand square? If you please, sir, cried Cecilia Hastely, we will talk of this matter another time. No, pray, cried young Delville, who could not for bear laughing, let it be discussed now. Hatem, continued Mr. Briggs, hatem both, one spending more than his worth, cheated and overreached by fools, running into gale to please a parcel of knaves, tether counting nothing but uncles and grandfathers dealing out fine names instead of cash, casting up more cousins than guineas. Again, Cecilia endeavored to silence him, but, only chucking her under the chin, he went on. I, I, my little duck, never mind him, one of them isn't worth a penny and tether has nothing in his pockets but lists of the defunct. What good will come of that?  Cecilia, unable to bear this harangue in the presence of young Delville, who, however, laughed it off with a very good grace, arose with an intention to retreat, which being perceived by Sir Robert Floyer, who had attended to this dialogue with haughty contempt. He came forward and said, Now then, madam, may I have the honor of your hand. No, sir, answered Cecilia, I am engaged. Engaged again, cried he, with the air of a man who thought himself much injured. Glad of it, glad of it, said Mr. Briggs. Sir, very right. Have nothing to say to him, my chick. Why not, sir? cried Sir Robert, with an imperious look. Shanton, tab her, shanton, tab her, can tell you that. Want consent? Know you of old. And what do you know of me, pray, sir? No good, no good, nothing to say to you. Found fought with my nose, hadn't forgot it. At this moment, Mr. Marriott came to claim his partner, who, very willingly to quit this scene of wrangling and vulgarity, immediately attended him. Miss LaRose, again flying up to her, said, Oh my dear, we are all expiring to know who that creature is. I never saw such a hard fright in my life. Cecilia was beginning to satisfy her, but some more young ladies coming up to join in the request she endeavored her to pass on. Oh, but, cried Miss LaRose, detaining her, do pray stop, for I have something to tell you that so monstrous you've no idea. Do you know Mr. Meadows has not danced at all, and he's been standing with Mr. Sawyer and looking on all the time, and whispering and laughing so you've no notion. However, I assure you, I'm excessive glad he did not ask me. For all I've been sitting still all this time, for I had a great deal rather sit still, I assure you.  Here, Mr. Meadows sauntered towards them, and all the young ladies began playing with their fans and turning their heads another way to disguise the expectations his approach awakened. And Miss LaRose and a hasty whisper to Cecilia cried, pray don't take any notice of what I said, for if he should happen to ask me, I can't well refuse him, you know, for if I do, he'll be so excessive affronted you can't think. Mr. Meadows, then mixing in the little group, began with sundry grimaces to exclaim, how intolerably hot it is, there's no such thing as breathing. How can anybody think of dancing? I am amazed Mr. Harrell has not a ventilator in this room, don't you think it would be a great improvement? This speech, though particularly addressed to no one, received immediately an assenting answer from all the young ladies. Then, turning to Miss LaRose, don't you dance, he said. Me, cried she embarrassed? Yes, I believe so. Really, I don't know. I ain't quite determined. Oh, do dance, cried he, stretching himself and yawning. It always gives me spirits to see you. Then, turning suddenly to Cecilia without any previous ceremony of renewing his acquaintance, either by speaking or bowing, he abruptly said, do you love dancing, ma'am? Yes, sir, extremely well. I'm very glad to hear it. You have one thing, then, to soften existence. Do you dislike it yourself? What? Dancing? Oh dreadful, how it was ever adopted in a civilized country I cannot find out. To certainly a barbarian exercise and of savage origin, don't you think so, Miss LaRose? Lord, no, cried Miss LaRose.  I know nothing so delightful. I declare I dare say I could not live without it.  Why, I remember, said Mr. Marriott, when Mr. Meadows was always dancing himself. Have you forgot, sir, when you used to wish the night would last forever that you might dance without ceasing? Mr. Meadows, who was now intently surveying a painting that was over the chimney piece, seemed not to hear this question, but presently called out. I am amazed, Mr. Harrell, can suffer such a picture as this to be in his house. I hate a portrait, to so weary some looking at a thing that is doing nothing. Do you like historical picture, sir, any better? Oh no, I detest them. Views of battles, murders, and death. Shocking, shocking, I shrink from them with horror. Perhaps you are fond of landscapes. By no means, green trees and fat cows, what do they tell one?  Your toleration, then, said Cecilia, will not be very extensive. No, said he, yawning. One can tolerate nothing. One's patience is wholly exhausted by the total tediousness of everything one sees and everybody one talks with. Don't you find it so, ma'am? Sometimes, said Cecilia, rather archly. You are right, ma'am, extremely right. One does not know what in the world to do with oneself. At home, one is killed with meditation. Abroad, one is overpowered by ceremony. No possibility of finding ease or comfort. You never go into public, I think, ma'am. Why not to be much marked, I find, said Cecilia, laughing. Oh, I beg your pardon. I believe I saw you one evening at Almax. I really beg your pardon, but I had quite forgot it. Lord, Mr. Meadows, said Miss LaRals, don't you know you are meaning the Pantheon? Only conceive how you forget things. The Pantheon was it. I never know one of those places from another. I heartily wish they were all abolished. I hate public places. Test terrible to be under the same roof with a set of people who would care nothing if they saw one expiring. You are, at least then, fond of the society of your friends. Oh no, to be worn out by seeing always the same faces. One is sick to death of friends. Nothing makes one so melancholy. Cecilia now went to join the dancers, and Mr. Meadows, turning to Miss LaRals, said, Pray, don't let me keep you from dancing. I am afraid you'll lose your place. No, cried she, bridling, I shan't dance at all. How cruel, cried he, yawning, when you know how it exhilarates me to see you. Don't you think this room is very close? I must go and try another atmosphere, but I hope you will relent and dance. And then, stretching his arms as if half asleep, he sauntered into the next room where he flung himself upon a sofa till the ball was over. The new partner of Cecilia, who was a wealthy but very simple young man, used his utmost efforts to entertain and oblige her, and flattered by the warmth of his own desire, he fancied that he succeeded, though in a state of such suspense and anxiety, a man of brighter talents had failed. At the end of the two dances, Lord Urnoff again attempted to engage her for his son, but she now excused herself from dancing anymore and sat quietly as a spectatrist till the rest of the company gave over. Mr. Marriott, however, would not quit her, and she was compelled to support with him a trifling conversation which though irks him to herself, to him who had not seen her in her happier hour, was delightful. She expected every instant to be again joined by young Delville, but the expectation was disappointed. He came not. She concluded he was in another apartment. The company was summoned to suffer. She then thought it impossible to miss him, but after waiting and looking for him in vain, she found he had already left the house. The rest of the evening she scarce knew what passed, for she attended to nothing. Mr. Moncton might watch, and Mr. Briggs might exhort her. Sir Robert might display his insolence or Mr. Marriott his gallantry. All was equally indifferent and equally unheeded, and before half the company left the house, she retired to her own room. She spent the night in the utmost disturbance. The occurrences of the evening with respect to young Delville she looked upon as decisive. If his absence had chagrined her, his presence had still more shocked her, since while she was left to conjecture, though she had fears, she had hopes, and though all she saw was gloomy, all she expected was pleasant. But they had now met, and those expectations proved fallacious. She knew not, indeed, how to account for the strangeness of his conduct, but in seeing it was strange, she was convinced it was unfavorable. He had evidently avoided her while it was in his power, and when, at last, he was obliged to meet her, he was formal, distant, and reserved. The more she recollected and dwelt upon the difference of his behavior in their proceeding meeting, the more angry as well as amazed she became at the change, and though she still concluded the pursuit of some other object occasioned it, she could find no excuse for his fickleness if that pursuit was recent, nor for his caprice if it was anterior. End of Chapter 1 Recorded by Amanda Hindman in Glen, Mississippi www.livinginbooks.blogspot.com Volume 5, Chapter 2 of Cecilia This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recorded by Amanda Hindman Cecilia, Memoirs of an Heiress by Frances Burney Volume 5, Chapter 2 A Broad Hint The next day, Cecilia, to drive Delfill a little from her thoughts, which she now no longer wished him to occupy, again made a visit to Ms. Belfield, whose society afforded her more consolation than any other she could procure. She found her employed in packing up and preparing to remove to another lodging. For her brother, she said, was so much better that he did not think it right to continue in so disgraceful a situation. She talked with her a custom openness of her affairs, and the interest which Cecilia involuntarily took in them contributed to lessen her vexation in thinking of her own. The generous friend of my brother, said she, who, though but a new acquaintance to him, has courted him in all his sorrows when everybody else forsook him, has brought him at last into a better way of thinking. He says there is a gentleman whose son is soon going abroad, who he is almost sure will like my brother vastly, and in another week he is to be introduced to him, and so if my mother can but reconcile herself to parting with him, perhaps we may all do well again. Your mother, said Cecilia, when he is gone, will better know the value of the blessing she has left in her daughter. Oh no, madam, no, she is wrapped up in him and cares nothing for all the world besides. It was always so, and we have all of us been used to it. But we have had a sad scene since you were so kindness to come last. For when she told him what you had done, he was almost out of his senses with anger that we had acquainted you with his distress, and he said it was publishing his misery and undoing whatever his friend or himself could do, for it was making him ashamed to appear in the world even when his affairs might be better. But I told him again and again that you had as much sweetness as goodness, and instead of hurting his reputation would do him nothing but credit. I am sorry, said Cecilia. Mistress Belfield mentioned the circumstance at all. It would have been better for many reasons that he should not have heard of it. She hoped it would please him, answered Miss Belfield. However, he made us both promise we would take no such step in future, for he said we were not reduced to so much indigence whatever he was, and that as to our accepting money from other people that we might save up our own for him, it would be answering no purpose for he should think himself a monster to make use of it. And what, said your mother? Why, she gave him a great many promises that she would never bakes him about it again, and indeed, much as I know we are obliged to you, madam, and gratefully as I am sure I would lay down my life to serve you, I am very glad in this case that my brother has found it out. For though I so much wish him to do something for himself and not to be so proud and live in a manner he has no right to do, I think for all that that it is a great disgrace to my poor father's honest memory to have us turn beggars after his death when he left us all so well provided for if we had but known how to be satisfied. There is a natural rectitude in your heart, said Cecilia, that the ableist cashewists could not mend. She then inquired whether they were removing and Miss Bellefield told her to Portland Street, Oxford Road, where they were to have two apartments up two pairs of stairs and the use of a very good parlor in which her brother might see his friends. And this, added she, is a luxury for which nobody can blame him because if he has not the appearance of a decent home no gentleman will employ him. The Paddington House, she said, was already let, and her mother was determined not to hire another, but still to live as painuriously as possible in order, notwithstanding his remonstrances, to save all she could of her income for her son. Here, the conversation was interrupted by the entrance of Mistress Bellefield, who very familiarly said she came to tell Cecilia they were all in the wrong box and letting her son know of the 10 pound bank note. For, continued she, he has a pride that would grace a duke and he thinks nothing of his hardships so long as nobody knows of them. So another time we must manage things better and when we do him any good not let him know a word of the matter. We'll settle it all among ourselves and one day or other he'll be glad enough to thank us. Cecilia, who saw Miss Bellefield color with shame at the freedom of this hint, now arose to depart, but Mistress Bellefield begged her not to go so soon and pressed her with such urgency to again sit down that she was obliged to comply. She then began a warm commendation of her son, lavishly praising all his good qualities and exalting even his defects, concluding with saying, But, ma'am, for all he's such a complete gentleman and for all he's made so much of, he was so diffident I could not get him to call and thank you for the present you made him, though when he went his last airing I almost knelt to him to do it. But with all his merit he wants as much encouragement as a lady, for I can tell you it is not a little will do for him. Cecilia, amazed at this extraordinary speech, looked from the mother to the daughter in order to discover its meaning, which, however, was soon rendered plainer by what followed. But pray now, ma'am, don't think him the more ungrateful for his shyness, for young ladies so high in the world as you are must go pretty good lengths before a young man will get courage to speak to them.  But it all comes of his being brought up at the university, for that makes him think he knows better than I can tell him, and so to be sure he does. However, for all that, it is a hard thing upon a mother to find all she says goes just for nothing. But I hope you'll excuse him, ma'am, for it's nothing in the world but his overmodesty. Cecilia now stared with a look of so much astonishment and displeasure that Mistress Belfield suspecting she had gone rather too far added, I beg you won't take what I've said amiss, ma'am, for we mothers of families are more used to speak out than maiden ladies, and I should not have said so much, but only I was afraid you would misconstrue my son's backwardness, and so that he might be flung out of your favor at last, and all for nothing but having too much respect for you.  Pray! What's the matter now, cried Mistress Belfield? You are as shy as your brother, and if we are all to be so, when are we to come to an understanding? Not immediately, I believe, indeed, said Cecilia Rising, but that we may not plunge deeper in our mistakes, I will for the present take my leave. No, ma'am, cried Mistress Belfield, stopping her, pray don't go yet, for I've got a great many things I want to talk to you about. In the first place, ma'am, pray what is your opinion of this scheme for sending my son abroad into foreign parts? I don't know what you may think of it, but as to me, it half drives me out of my senses to have him taken away from me at last in that unnatural manner. And I'm sure, ma'am, if you would only put in a word against it, I dare say he would give it up without a demure. Me, cried Cecilia, disengaging herself from her hold, no, ma'am, you must apply to those friends who better understand his affairs and who would have a deeper interest in detaining him. Like a day, cried Mistress Belfield, with scarcely smothered vexation, how hard it is to make these grand young ladies come to reason. As to my son's other friends, what good will it do for him to mind what they say? Who can expect him to give up his journey without knowing what amends he shall get for it? You must settle this matter with him at your leisure, said Cecilia. I cannot now stay another moment.  As my daughter can testify, for as to shyness, he's just as shy as a lady himself. So what good he ever got at the university as to the matter of making his fortune? It's what I never could discover. However, I daresay he knows best, though when all comes to all, if I was to speak my mind, I think he's made but a poor hand of it. Cecilia, who only through compassion to the blushing Henrietta, for boy repressing this fordness more seriously, merely answered Mistress Belfield by wishing her good morning. But while she was taking a kinder leave of her timid daughter, the mother added, as to the present, ma'am, you was so kind to make us. Henny can witness for me, every penny of it shall go to my son. I rather meant it, said Cecilia, for your daughter. But if it is of use to anybody, my purpose is sufficiently answered. Mistress Belfield again pressed her to sit down, but she would not again listen to her, coldly saying, I am sorry you troubled Mistress Belfield with any mention of what passed between his sister and me. But should you speak of it again, I beg you will explain to him that he had no concern in that little transaction, which belonged wholly to ourselves. She then hastened downstairs, by Mistress Belfield, making awkward excuses for what she had said, intermixed with frequent hints that she knew all the time she was in the right. This little incident, which convinced Cecilia, Mistress Belfield, was firmly persuaded she was in love with her son, gave her much uneasiness. She feared the son himself might entertain the same notion, and thought at most probable the daughter also had imbibed it. Though, but for the forward vulgarity of the sanguine mother, their opinions might long have remained concealed. Her benevolence towards them, notwithstanding its purity, must now therefore cease to be exerted. Nor could she even visit Miss Belfield, since prudence and a regard for her own character seemed immediately to prohibit all commerce with the family. And thus difficult cried she is the blameless use of riches, though all who want them think nothing so easy as their disposal. This family I have so much wish to serve, I may at last only have injured, since the disappointment of their higher expectations may render all smaller benefits contemptible, and thus this unfortunate misconstruction of my good offices robs them of a useful assistant and deprives me at the same time of an amiable companion. As soon as she returned home, she had a letter put into her hand which came from Mr. Marriott, whose servant had twice called for an answer in the short time she had been absent.  He entreated her permission to wait upon her for only five minutes and concluded with the most fervent professions of respect and admiration. The precipitancy of this declaration served merely to confirm the opinion she had already conceived of the weakness of his understanding, but the obstinacy of Mr. Harrell irritated and distressed her, though weary of expostulating was so hopeless a subject whom neither reason nor gratitude could turn from his own purposes. She was obliged to submit to his management, and was well content in the present instance to affirm his decree. She therefore wrote a concise answer to her new admirer in the usual form of civil rejection. End of Chapter 2 Recorded by Amanda Hindman in Glen, Mississippi www.livinginbooks.blogspot.com Volume 5, Chapter 3 of Cecilia This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recorded by Berenie Cecilia Memoirs of an Eris by Frances Burney Volume 5, Chapter 3 An Accommodation Cecilia was informed the next morning that a young woman begged to speak with her, and upon sending for her upstairs she saw to a great surprise Miss Bellefield. She came in fear and trembling, sent, she said, by her mother to entreat her pardon for what had passed the preceding day. But I know, madam, she added, you cannot pardon it. And therefore all that I mean to do is to clear my brother from any share in what was said, for indeed he has too much sense to harbour any such presumption, and to thank you with a most grateful heart for all the goodness you have shown us. And then, modestly curtsying, she would have returned home. But Cecilia, much touched by her gentleness, took her hand and kindly reviving her by assurances of esteem, and treated that she would lengthen her stay. How good is this, madam? said she. After having so much reason to think so ill of me, and of all of us, I tried in all my power to undercede my mother, or at least to keep her quiet, but she was so much persuaded she was right, that she never would listen to me, and always said, Did I suppose it was for me you can't descend it to come so often? Yes, answered Cecilia. Most undoubtedly. Had I not known you, however well I might have wished your brother, I should certainly not have visited at his house. But I am very happy to hear the mistake had spread no further. No, indeed, madam. I never once thought of it. And as to my brother. When my mother only hinted it to him, he was quite angry. But though I don't mean to vindicate what has happened, you will not, I hope, be displeased if I say my mother is much more pardonable than she seems to be. For the same mistake she made with you, she would have been as apt to have made with the princess. It was not, therefore, from any want of respect, but merely from thinking my brother might marry as high as he pleased, and believing no lady would refuse him, if he would but have the courage to speak. Cecilia assured her she would think no more of the error, but told her that to avoid its renewal she must decline calling upon her again till her brother was gone. She begged, therefore, to see her in Portman Square whenever she had leisure, repeatedly assuring her of a good opinion and regard, and of the pleasure with which she should seize every opportunity of showing them. Delighted by a reception so kind, Miss Bellefield remained with her all the morning, and when at last she was obliged to leave her, she was but too happy in being solicited to repeat her visit. She suffered one day only to elapse before she showed her readiness to accept the friendship that was offered her, and Cecilia, much pleased by this eagerness, redoubled her efforts to oblige and to serve her. From this time, hardly a day passed in which she did not call in Portman Square, where nothing in her reception was omitted that could contribute to her contentment. Cecilia was glad to employ her mind in any way that related not to Delveille, whom she now earnestly endeavored to think of no more, denying herself even the pleasure of talking of him with Miss Bellefield, by the name of her brother's noble friend. During this time she devised various methods, all too delicate to give even the shadow of offence, for making both useful and ornamental presence to her new favourite, with whom she grew daily more satisfied, and to whom she proposed hereafter offering a residence in her own house. The trial of intimacy, so difficult to the ablest to stand, and from which even the most faultless are so rarely acquitted, Miss Bellefield sustained with honour. Cecilia found her artless, ingenuous, and affectionate. Her understanding was good, though no pains had been taken to improve it. Her disposition, though ardent, was soft, and her mind seemed informed by intuitive integrity. She communicated to Cecilia, all the affairs of her family, disguising from her neither distress nor meanness, and seeking to palliate nothing but the grosser parts of the character of a mother. She seemed equally ready to make known to her even the most chosen secrets of her own bosom, for that such she had was evident from a frequent appearance of absence and uneasiness which she took but little trouble to conceal. Cecilia, however, trusted not herself in the present critical situation of her own mind, with any enquiries that might lead to a subject she was conscious she art not to dwell upon. A short time, she hoped, would totally remove her suspense, but as she had much less reason to expect good than evil, she made it her immediate study to prepare for the worst, and therefore carefully avoided all discourse that by nourishing her tenderness might weaken her resolution. While thus in friendly conversation and virtuous forbearance passed gravely but not unhappily the time of Cecilia, the rest of the house was very differently employed. Feasting, reveling, amusements of all sorts were pursued with more eagerness than ever. And the alarm, which so lately threatened their destruction, seemed now merely to heighten the avidity with which they were sought. Yet never was the disunion of happiness and diversion more striking and obvious. Mr. Harrell, in spite of his natural levity, was seized from time to time with fits of horror that embittered his gayest moments, and cast a cloud upon all his enjoyments. Always an enemy to solitude, he now found it holy insupportable, and ran into company of any sort, lest from a hope of finding entertainment than from a dread of spending half an hour by himself. Cecilia, who saw that his repassity for pleasure increased with his uneasiness, once more ventured to speak with his lady upon the subject of reformation. Counseling her to take advantage of his present apparent discontent, which showed at least some sensibility of his situation, in order to point out to him the necessity of an immediate inspection into his affairs, which with a total change in his way of life was her only chance for snatching him from the dismal despondency into which he was sinking. Mrs. Harrell declared herself unequal to following this advice, and said that her whole study was to find Mr. Harrell amusement, for he was grown so ill-humoured and petulant, she quite feared being alone with him. The house therefore now was more crowded than ever, and nothing but dissipation was thought of. Among those who upon this plan were courted to it, the foremost was Mr. Morris, who from a peculiar talent of uniting servility of conduct, with gaiety of speech, made himself at once so agreeable and useful in the family that in a short time they fancied it impossible to live without him. And Morris, though his first view in obtaining admittance had been the cultivation of his acquaintance with Cecilia, was perfectly satisfied with the turn that matters are taken, since his utmost vanity had never led him to entertain any matrimonial hopes with her, and he thought his fortune as likely to profit from the civility of her friends as of herself. For Morris, however flighty and wild, had always at heart the study of his own interest, and though from a giddy forwardness of disposition he often gave offence, his meaning and his serious attention was not the less directed to the advancement of his own affairs. He formed no connection from which he hoped not some benefit, and he considered the acquaintance and friendship of his superiors in no other light than that of procuring him sooner or later recommendations to new clients. Sir Robert Flawyer also was more frequent than ever in his visits, and Mr. Harold notwithstanding the remonstrances of Cecilia contrived every possible opportunity of giving him access to her. Mrs. Harold herself, though hitherto neutral, now pleaded his cause with earnestness, and Mr. Arnott, who had been her former refuge from this persecution, grew so serious and so tender in his devoir that unable any longer to doubt the sentiments she had inspired, she was compelled even with him to be guarded and distant. She now, with daily concern, looked back to the sacrifice she had made to the worthless and ungrateful Mr. Harold, and was sometimes tempted to immediately choose another guardian and leave his house for ever. Yet the delicacy of her disposition was averse to any step that might publicly expose him, and her early regard for his wife would not suffer her to put it in execution. These circumstances contributed strongly to increase her intimacy with Miss Bellfield. She now never saw Mrs. Del Vile, whom alone she preferred to her, and from the troublesome aciduity of Sir Robert scarce ever met Mr. Moncton but in his presence. She found, therefore, no resource against teasing and vexation but what was afforded her by the conversation of the amiable Henrietta. Chapter 4 A Detection A fortnight had now elapsed in which Cecilia had had no sort of communication with the Del Viles, whom equally from pride and from prudence she forebore to seek for herself. When one morning, while she was sitting with Miss Bellfield, her maid told her that young Mr. Del Vile was in the drawing-room and begged the honour of seeing her for a few moments. Cecilia, though she started and changed colour with surprise at this message, was unconscious, she did either, from the yet greater surprise she received by the behaviour of Miss Bellfield, who hastily arising, exclaimed, Good God! Mr. Del Vile! Do you know Mr. Del Vile, madam? Does Mr. Del Vile visit at this house? Sometimes, not often, answered Cecilia. But why? I don't know. Nothing, madam. I only asked by accident, I believe, but it's very—it's extremely— I did not know. And colouring violently, she again sat down. An apprehension the most painful now took possession of Cecilia, and absorbed in thought, she continued for some minutes, silent and immovable. From this state she was awakened by her maid, who asked if she chose to have her gloves. Cecilia, taking them from her without speaking, left the room, and not daring to stop for enquiry or consideration, hastened down the stairs. But when she entered the apartment where young Del Vile was waiting for her, all utterance seemed denied her, and she curtsied without saying a word. Struck, with the look and uncommon manner of her entrance, he became in a moment as much disturbed as herself, pouring forth a thousand unnecessary and embarrassed apologies for his visit, and so totally forgetting even the reason why he made it, that he had taken his leave and was departing before he recollected it. He then turned back, forcing a laugh at his own absence of mind, and told her he had only called to acquaint her, that the commands with which she had offered him were now obeyed, and he hoped to her satisfaction. Cecilia, who knew not she had ever given him any, waited his further explanation, and he then informed her he had that very morning introduced Mr. Belfield to the Earl of Vannelt, who had already heard him very advantageously spoken of by some gentleman to whom he had been known at the university, and who was so much pleased with him upon this first interview that he meant after a few inquiries, which could not but turn out to his credit to commit his eldest son to his trust in making the tour of Europe. Cecilia thanked him for her share in the trouble he had taken in this transaction, and then asked if Mrs. Del Vile continued well. Yes, answered he, with a smile half reproachful. As well as one who, having ever hoped your favour, can easily be after finding that hope disappointed. But as much as she has taught her son, there is one lesson she might perhaps learn from him, to fly not seek those dangerous indulgences of which the deprivation is the loss of peace. He then bowed and made his exit. This unexpected reproof, and the yet more unexpected compliment that accompanied it, in both which more seemed meant than met the ear, increased the perturbation into which Cecilia had already been thrown. It occurred to her that under the sanction of his mother's name he had taken an opportunity of making an apology for his own conduct. Yet while avoiding her society, if to that he alluded should be flying a dangerous indulgence, she could not understand, since he had so little reason to fear any repulsion continuing to seek it. Sorry, however, for the abrupt manner in which she had left Miss Belfield, she lost not a moment in hastening back to her, but when she came into the room, she found her employed in looking out of the window, her eye following some object with such earnestness of attention that she perceived not her return. Cecilia, who could not doubt the motive of her curiosity, had no great difficulty in forbearing to offer her any interruption.  She then again looked out, but soon drawing herself in, said, in the same soft accents, Oh, why art thou gone, sweetest and noblest of men? Why might I not see thee longer, when under heaven there is no other blessing I wish for? Asai, which at these words escaped Cecilia, made her start and turned towards the door. The deepest flushes overspread the cheeks of both, as their eyes met each other, and while Miss Belfield trembled in every limb at the discovery she had made, Cecilia herself was hardly able to stand. A painful and most embarrassed silence succeeded, which was only broken by Miss Belfield's bursting into tears. Cecilia, extremely moved, forgot for a moment her own interest in what was passing, and tenderly approaching, embraced her with the utmost kindness. But still she spoke not, fearing to make an inquiry, from dreading to hear any explanation.  If I could help it, I would love nobody else in almost the whole world. But you must let me leave you now, and tomorrow I would tell you everything. Cecilia, who had no wish for making any opposition, embraced her again, and suffered her quietly to depart. Her own mind was now in a state of the utmost confusion. The rectitude of her heart and the soundness of her judgment had hitherto guarded her both from error and blame, and except during her recent suspense, had preserved her tranquility in violet. But her commerce with the world had been small and confined, and her actions had had little reference but to herself. The case was now altered, and she was suddenly in a conjecture of all others the most delicate, that of accidentally discovering a rival in a favourite friend. The fondness she had conceived for Miss Belfield, and the sincerity of her intentions as well as promises to serve her, made the detection of this secret peculiarly cruel. She had lately felt no pleasure but in her society, and looked forward to much future comfort from the continuance of her regard, and from their constantly living together. But now this was no longer even to be desired, since the utter annihilation of the wishes of both, by young Delviles being disposed of to a third person, could alone render eligible their dwelling under the same roof. Her pity, however, for Miss Belfield was almost wholly unallayed by jealousy. She harboured not any suspicion that she was loved by young Delvile, whose aspiring spirit led her infinitely more to fear some higher rival, than to believe he bestowed even a thought upon the poor Henrietta. But still she wished with the utmost order to know the length of their acquaintance, how often they had met, when they had conversed, what notice he had taken of her, and how so dangerous a preference had invaded her heart. But though this curiosity was both natural and powerful, her principal concern was the arrangement of her own conduct. The next day Miss Belfield was to tell her everything by a voluntary promise, but she doubted if she had any right to accept such a confidence. Miss Belfield, she was sure, knew not she was interested in the tale, since she had not even imagined that Delvile was known to her. She might hope therefore not only for advice, but assistance, and fancy that while she reposed her secret in the bosom of a friend, she secured herself her best offices and best wishes for ever. Would she obtain them? No. The most romantic generosity would revolt from such a demand. For, however precarious was her own chance with young Delvile, Miss Belfield she was sure could not have any. Neither her birth nor education fitted her for his rank in life, and even were both unexceptionable, the smallness of her fortune, as Mr. Moncton had instructed her, would be an obstacle insurmountable. Would it not be a kind of treachery, to gather from her everything, yet aid her in nothing, to take advantage of her unsuspicious openness, in order to learn all that related to one whom she yet hoped would belong ultimately to herself, and gratify an interested curiosity at the expense of a candour not more simple than amiable? No, cried Cecilia, arts that I could never forgive, I never will practice. This sweet but unhappy girl shall tell me nothing, betrayed already by the tenderness of her own heart. She shall at least suffer no further from any duplicity in mind. If indeed Mr. Delvile, as I suspect, is engaged elsewhere, I will make this gentle Henrietta the object of my future solicitude. The sympathy of our situations will not then divide but unite us, and I will take her to my bosom, hear all her sorrows, and calm her troubled spirit by participating in her sensibility. But if, on the contrary, this mystery ends more happily for myself, if Mr. Delvile has now no other engagement, and hereafter clears his conduct to my satisfaction, I will not be accessory to loading her future recollection with the shame of a confidence she then cannot but repent, nor with an injury to her delicacy that may wound it for ever. She determined therefore carefully to avoid the subject for the present, since she could offer no advice for which she might not hereafter be suspected of selfish motives. But yet, from a real regard to the tender-hearted girl, to give all the tacit discouragement that was in her power, to a passion which she firmly believed would be productive of nothing but misery. Once, from the frankness natural to her disposition, she thought not merely of receiving but returning her confidence. Her better judgment, however, soon led her from so hazardous a plan, which could only have exposed them both to a romantic humiliation, by which in the end their mutual expectations might prove sources of mutual distrust. When Miss Belfield, therefore, the next morning, her air unusually timid, and her whole face covered with luscious, made her visit, Cecilia not seeming to notice her confusion, told her she was very sorry she was obliged to go out herself, and contrived under various pretenses to keep her made in the room. Miss Belfield, supposing this to be accidental, rejoiced in her imaginary reprieve, and soon recovered her usual cheerfulness. And Cecilia, who really meant to call upon Mrs. DelVile, borrowed Mrs. Harrell's carriage, and set down her artless young friend at her new lodgings in Portland Street, before she proceeded to St. James's Square, talking the whole time upon matters of utter indifference. The reproach which Cecilia had received from young DelVile in the name of his mother determined her upon making this visit. For though, in her present uncertainty, she wished only to see that family when sought by themselves, she was yet desirous to avoid all appearance of singularity, lest any suspicions should be raised of her sentiments. Mrs. DelVile received her with the cold civility that chilled and afflicted her. She found her seriously offended by her long absence, and now, for the first time, perceived that haughtiness of character which hitherto she had thought only given to her by the calamity of envy. For though her displeasure was undisguised, she deigned not to make any reproaches, evidently showing that her disappointment in the loss of her society was embittered by a proud regret for the kindness she believed she had thrown away. But though she scrupulously forbore the smallest complaint, she failed not from time to time to cast out reflections upon fickleness and caprice the most satirical and pointed. Cecilia, who could not possibly avow the motives of her behaviour, ventured not to offer any apology for her apparent negligence, but hitherto accustomed to the most distinguished kindness, a change to so much bitterness shocked and overpowered her, and she sat almost wholly silent and hardly able to look up. Lady Honoria Pemberton, a daughter of the Duke of Derwent, now came into the room and afforded her some relief by the sprightliness of her conversation. This young lady, who was a relation of the DelViles, and of a character the most airy and unthinking, ran on during her whole visit in a vein of fashionable scandal, with a levity that the censures of Mrs. DelVile, though by no means spared, had no power to control. And after having completely ransacked the topics of the day, she turned suddenly to Cecilia, with whom during her residence in St. James's Square she had made some acquaintance, and said, So I hear, Miss Beverly, that after half the town has given you to Sir Robert Flawyer, and the other half to my Lord Derthard, you intend, without regarding one side or the other, to disappoint them both and give yourself to Mr. Marriott. Me? No, indeed, answered Cecilia. Your ladyship has been much misinformed. I hope so, said Mrs. DelVile, for Mr. Marriott, by all I ever heard of him, seems to have but one recommendation, and that the last Miss Beverly ought to value a good estate. Cecilia, secretly delighted by a speech which she could not resist fluttering herself, had referenced to her son, now a little revived and endeavored to bear some part in the conversation. Everybody one meets, cried Lady Honoria, disposes of Miss Beverly to some new person, yet the common opinion is that Sir Robert Flawyer will be the man, but upon my word, for my own part, I cannot conjecture how she will manage among them, for Mr. Marriott declares he's determined he won't be refused, and Sir Robert vows that he'll never give her up, so we none of us know how it will end, but I am vastly glad she keeps them so long in suspense. If there is any suspense, said Cecilia, I am at least sure it must be willful, but why should your ladyship rejoice in it? Oh, because it helps to torment them, and keeps something going forward, besides we are all looking in the newspapers every day to see when they'll fight another duel for you. Another, cried Cecilia, indeed they have never yet fought any for me. Oh, I beg your pardon, answered her ladyship. Sir Robert, you know, fought one for you in the beginning of the winter with that Irish fortune-hunter who affronted you at the opera. Irish fortune-hunter, repeated Cecilia, how strangely has that quarrel been misrepresented? In the first place, I never was affronted at the opera at all, and in the second, if your ladyship means Mr. Belfield, I question if he ever was in Ireland in his life. Well, cried Lady Anoria, he might come from Scotland, for I know, but somewhere he certainly came from, and they tell me he is wounded terribly, and Sir Robert has had all his things packed up this month that in case he should die he may go abroad in a moment. And pray where, Lady Anoria? cried Mrs. Delville, do you contrive to pick up all this rattle? Oh, I don't know, everybody tells me some things, so I put it all together as well as I can, but I could acquaint you with a stranger piece of news than any you have heard yet. And what is that? Oh, if I let you know it, you'll tell your son. No, indeed, said Mrs. Delville, laughing, I shall probably forget it myself. She then made some further difficulty, and Cecilia, uncertain if she was meant to be a party in the communication, strolled to a window, where, however, as Lady Anoria did not lower her voice, she heard her say, Why, you must know, I am told he keeps a mistress somewhere in Oxford Road. They say she's mighty pretty, I should like vastly to see her. The consternation of Cecilia at this intelligence would certainly have betrayed all she so much wished to conceal, had not her fortunate removal to the window guarded her from observation. She kept her post, fearing to look round, but was much pleased when Mrs. Delville, with great indignation, answered, I am sorry, Lady Anoria, you can find any amusement in listening to such idle scandal, which those who tell will never respect you for hearing. In times less daring in slander, the character of Mortimer would have proved to him a shield from all injurious aspersions. Yet who shall wonder he could not escape, and who shall condemn the inventors of Calumny, if Lady Anoria Pemberton condescends to be entertained with it? Dear Mrs. Delville, cried Lady Anoria giddily, you take me too seriously. And dear Lady Anoria, said Mrs. Delville, I would it were possible to make you take yourself seriously. For if you could once see with clearness and precision how much you lower your own dignity, while you stoop to depreciate that of others, the very subjects that now make your diversion would then far more properly move your resentment. I, but dear madam, cried Lady Anoria, if that were the case, I should be quite perfect, and then you and I should never quarrel, and I don't know what we should do for conversation. And with these words, hastily shaking hands with her, she took leave. Such conversation, said Mrs. Delville, when she was gone, as results from the mixture of fruitless admonition with incorrigible levity would be indeed more honoured in the breach than the observance. But levity is so much the fashionable characteristic of the present age, that a gay young girl who, like Lady Anoria Pemberton, rules the friends by whom she ought to be ruled, and had little chance of escaping it. She seemed so open, however, to reproof, said Cecilia, that I should hope in a short time she may also be open to conviction. No, answered Mrs. Delville. I have no hope of her at all. I once took much pains with her, but I soon found that the easiness with which she hears of her faults is only another effect of the levity with which she commits them. But if the young are never tired of airing in conduct, neither are the older in airing in judgment. The fallibility of mine I have indeed very lately experienced. Cecilia, who strongly felt the poignancy of this sarcasm, and whose constant and unaffected value of Mrs. Delville by no means deserved it, was again silenced, and again most cruelly depressed. Nor could she secretly forbear repining, that at the very moment she found herself threatened, with a necessity of foregoing the society of her new favorite, Miss Belfield, the woman in the whole world whom she most wished to have for her friend, from an unhappy mistake, was ready to relinquish her. Grieved to be thus fallen in her esteem, and shocked that she could offer no justification, after a short and thoughtful pause, she gravely arose to take leave. Mrs. Delville then told her that if she had any business to transact with Mr. Delville, she advised her to acquaint him with it soon, as the whole family left town in a few days. This was a new and severe blow to Cecilia, who sorrowfully repeated. In a few days, madame— Yes—answered Mrs. Delville—I hope you intend to be much concerned. Ah! madame! cried Cecilia, who could no longer preserve her quietness. If you knew but half the respect I bear you, but half the sincerity with which I value and revere you, all protestations will be useless, for all accusations will be over. Mrs. Delville, at once surprised and softened by the warmth of this declaration, instantly took her hand and said, They shall now and for ever be over, if it pains you to hear them. I concluded that what I said would be a matter of indifference to you, or all my displeasure would immediately have been satisfied when once I had intimated that your absence had excited it. That I have excited it at all, answered Cecilia, gives me indeed the severest uneasiness, but believe me, madame. However, unfortunately, appearances may be against me. I have always had the highest sense of the kindness with which you have honoured me, and never has there been the smallest abatement in the veneration, gratitude, and affection I have inviolably borne you. You see, then, said Mrs. Delville with a smile, that where reproof takes any effect it is not received, with that easiness you are just now admiring, on the contrary, where a concession is made without pain it is also made without meaning, for it is not in human nature to project any amendment without a secret repugnance, that here, however, you should differ from Lady Honoria Pemberton, who can wonder when you are superior to all comparison with her in everything. Will you then, said Cecilia, accept my apology and forgive me? I will do more, said Mrs. Delville, laughing. I will forgive you without an apology, for the truth is I have heard none. But come, continued she, perceiving Cecilia much abashed by this comment, I will inquire no more about the matter. I am glad to receive my young friend again, and even half ashamed, deserving as she is, to say how glad. She then embraced her affectionately, and owned, she had been more mortified by her fancy desertion than she had been willing to own even to herself, repeatedly assuring her that for many years she had not made any acquaintance she so much wished to cultivate, nor enjoyed any society from which she had derived so much pleasure. Cecilia, whose eyes glistened with modest joy, while her heart beat quick with revived expectation, in listening to an effusion of praise so infinitely grateful to her, found little difficulty in returning her friendly professions, and in a few minutes was not merely reconciled, but more firmly united with her than ever. Mrs. Delville insisted upon keeping her to dinner, and Cecilia, but too happy in her earnestness, readily agreed to send Mrs. Harrell an excuse. Neither of the Mr. Delville's spent the day at home, and nothing therefore disturbed or interrupted those glowing and delightful sensations which spring from a cordial renewal of friendship and kindness. The report, indeed, of Lady Annoria Pemberton, gave her some uneasiness, yet the flighty character of that lady, and Mrs. Delville's reply to it, soon made her drive it from her mind. She returned home early in the evening, as other company was expected, and she had not changed her dress since the morning, but she first made a promise to see Mrs. Delville some part of every day during the short time that she was meant to remain in town. End of Chapter 5 Recorded by Barony Volume 5 Chapter 6 of Cecilia This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recorded by Barony Cecilia Memoirs of an Eris by Frances Burney Volume 5 Chapter 6 A Surmise The next morning opened with another scene. Mrs. Harrell ran into Cecilia's room before breakfast, and acquainted her that Mr. Harrell had not been at home all night. The consternation with which she heard this account she instantly endeavored to dissipate, in order to soften the apprehension with which it was communicated. Mrs. Harrell, however, was extremely uneasy, and sent all the town over to make inquiries, but without receiving any intelligence. Cecilia, unwilling to leave her in a state of such alarm, wrote an excuse to Mrs. Delville that she might continue with her till some information was procured. A subject also of such immediate concern was sufficient apology for avoiding any particular conversation with Miss Bellfield, who called as usual about noon, and whose susceptible heart was much affected by the evident disturbance in which she found Cecilia. The whole day passed, and no news arrived, but greatly to her astonishment Mrs. Harrell in the evening prepared for going to an assembly, yet declaring at the same time it was extremely disagreeable to her. Only she was afraid if she stayed away everybody would suppose something was the matter.  Those who work for hire have at least their hours of rest. Those who labour for subsistence are at liberty when subsistence is procured, but those who toil to please the vain and the idle undertake a task which can never be finished, however scrupulously all private peace, and all internal comfort may be sacrificed in reality to the folly of saving appearances. Losing however the motive for which she had given up her own engagement, she now sent for her chair, in order to spend an hour or two with Mrs. Delvile. The servants, as they conducted her upstairs, said they would call their lady, and in entering the drawing-room she saw reading and alone young Delvile. He seemed much surprised, but received her with the utmost respect, apologising for the absence of his mother, whom he said had understood she was not to see her till the next day, and had left him to write letters now that she might then be at liberty. Cecilia in return made excuses for her seeming inconstancy, after which for some time all conversation dropped. The silence was at length broken by young Delvile saying, Mr. Belfield's merit has not been thrown away upon Lord Vanald. He has heard an excellent character of him from all his former acquaintance, and is now fitting up an apartment for him in his own house till his son begins his tour. Cecilia said she was very happy in hearing such intelligence, and then again they were both silent. You have seen, said young Delvile, after this second pause. Mr. Belfield's sister, Cecilia not without changing colour, answered, Yes, sir. She is very amiable, he continued, too amiable indeed for her situation, since her relations, her brother alone accepted, are all utterly unworthy of her. He stopped, but Cecilia made no answer, and he presently added, Perhaps you do not think her amiable? You may have seen more of her, and know something to her disadvantage. Oh, no! cried Cecilia, with a forced alacrity. But only I was thinking that— Did you say you knew all her relations? No, he answered. But when I have been with Mr. Belfield, some of them have called upon him. Again they were both silent, and then Cecilia, ashamed of her apparent backwardness to give praise, compelled herself to say, Miss Belfield is indeed a very sweet girl, and I wish— She stopped, not well knowing herself what she meant to add. I have been greatly pleased, said he, after waiting some time to hear if she would finish her speech, by being informed of your goodness to her, and I think she seems equally to require and to deserve it. I doubt not you will extend it to her when she is deprived of her brother, for then will be the time that by doing her most service it will reflect on yourself most honor. Cecilia, confounded by this recommendation, faintly answered, Certainly, whatever is in my power I shall be very glad. And just then Mrs. Del Vile made her appearance, and during the mutual apologies that followed, her son left the room. Cecilia, glad of any pretense to leave it also, insisted upon giving no interruption to Mrs. Del Vile's letter writing, and having promised to spend all the next day with her, hurried back to her chair. The reflections that followed her wither were by no means the most soothing. She began now to apprehend that the pity she had bestowed upon Miss Belfield, Miss Belfield in a short time might bestow upon her. At any other time his recommendation would merely have served to confirm her opinion of his benevolence, but in her present state of anxiety and uncertainty everything gave birth to conjecture, and had power to alarm her. He had behaved to her of late with the strangest coldness and distance. His praise of Henrietta had been ready and animated. Henrietta she knew adored him, and she knew not with what reason, but an involuntary suspicion arose in her mind, that the partiality she had herself once excited was now transferred to that little dreaded but not less dangerous rival. Yet, if such was the case, what was to become either of the pride or the interest of his family? Would his relations ever pardon an alliance stimulated neither by rank nor riches? Would Mr. Delville, who hardly spoke but to the high-born, without seeming to think his dignity somewhat injured, deign to receive for a daughter-in-law the child of a citizen and tradesman?  Cecilia's own birth and connections, superior as they were to those of Miss Belfield, were even openly disdained by Mr. Delville, and all her expectations of being received into his family were founded upon the largeness of her fortune, in favour of which the brevity of her genealogy might perhaps pass unnoticed. But what was the chance of Miss Belfield, who neither had ancestors to boast, nor wealth to allure? This thought, however, awakened all the generosity of her soul. If, cried she, the advantages I possess are merely those of riches, how little should I be flattered by any appearance of preference, and how ill can I judge with what sincerity it may be offered. Happier in that case is the lowly Henrietta, who to poverty may attribute neglect, but who can only be sought and caressed from motors of purest regard. She loves Mr. Delville, loves him with the most artless affection. Perhaps, too, he loves her in return. Why else his solicitude to know my opinion of her, and why so sudden his alarm when he thought it unfavourable? Perhaps he means to marry her, and to sacrifice to her innocence, and her attractions, all plans of ambition, and all views of aggrandisement. Therice, happy Henrietta, if such is thy prospect of felicity, to have inspired a passion so disinterested, may humble the most insolent of thy superiors, and teach even the wealthiest to envy thee.