Well, you're listening enjoyment John Lund as Johnny dollar at Talbot Johnny. What are you working on? Why nothing at the moment? I was thinking of going to New York for a couple of days. Why? Well, I have one here on my desk You might be able to do something with while you're there Well, tell me about it currently and covers a textile offer in New York Wallace Cottons and company this week Their audit has found a shortage in the books. How much of a shortage? It's nearly 5,000. Wait. I got it right here $4,185 and I'm supposed to find out who took it Oh, no, we already know who did that one of the bookkeepers in their office Lester James He's been arrested and admitted everything. I thought maybe you could find out what he did with all that money Well, I'm going to New York anyway. I'll see what I can do Prince accounts submitted by special investigator Johnny dollar to the Continental Adjustment Bureau 418 Elizabeth Avenue Hartford, Connecticut The following is an accounting of expenditures during my investigation of the Lester James matter Expense account item one thirty two dollars and fifty-six cents Trained fare and incidentals between Hartford and New York City After receiving from Ned Talbot the necessary information concerning the indemnity claim of Wallace Cottons and company incorporated I arrived in New York at 1 30 in the afternoon and checked in at the new Western Central division told me the Lester James is being held in the 17th precinct jail. I went right over Here you are, darling Now what take it easy James? This is Johnny dollar. He wants to talk to you. Hello James. Hi I'll see you later, darling, huh? Yeah, thanks, sorry. You'll give me a yell when you finish, huh, right? Now, what are you lawyer or something? Nope. I don't want a lawyer Said somebody be around to talk to me again, but I don't want to see anybody Why not? I just don't want to see anybody that's all. Well, you have to be represented by counsel when you go to court Right. Let somebody represent me Just a technicality anyhow. I know what'll happen in court I've got my confession Who are you anyway? I'm an insurance investigator Well, what are you doing here? It's swell day outside I'm trying to find out what you did with that 4,185 bucks that you took from Wallace Cottons Yeah, how about it James? Isn't it enough that I'm in jail? It's enough for the police, but not for my insurance company I don't have anything to say to you.  Doesn't make any difference. I make a lot of difference. I don't have anything to tell you You've never been in trouble before have you know? They think of things like that when a man comes up for sentencing This is your first offense. I know I know You're trying to shield somebody James Why don't you go away? You've been trying the market Did you gamble with it? No, no, just leave me alone. I won't tell you anything, Mr. Dollar if you bought something with it or gave it to somebody if it can be recovered in some no no I tell you go away leave me alone.  I can't leave you alone. Listen. Are you listening to me?  You gave it to someone or spent it when it wasn't yours. It's still redeemable Now what do you have to say look mr. Dollar, this won't do you any good I'm no low-forehead job who got caught crawling in a drugstore window. I'm a college graduate I've been in the business world for ten years or better I know what I want to tell you and what I want to keep to myself And I don't want to talk about this do you understand and there's no way or no person who can make me talk about it I took the money. I admitted that I did a bad job of it. I was caught. I've confessed and you've got me and that's the whole story Okay Have it your way. Let's go away. Just go away, please Buster James was a tall dark complexion man in his early 30s His hair was black straight and closely cropped his features regular not good not bad kind of man you see every day on the street Somehow the kind of man I hadn't expected to meet Expensive count item two dollar thirty five cab fare. I went over to the apartment on 59th Street Where Lester James had lived According to the pencil note above the first door to the right of the entrance Mrs. Anastasia Denevich was the manager Yes, what is please are you're a Mrs. Denevich? Yes, what do you want, mister? Understand a mr. Lester James lived here. Is that right? Oh Yes There's I hear a stealth money and that's bad Yeah, I'm from the insurance company Mrs. Denevich. We're trying to recover some of that money if we can Wonder if you could help me I fixed dinner now for my son who's come home from work. What I do Well, I want to know about Lester James about this It works. Mrs. Denevich did he drink gamble? Did he stay in nights or go out? Did he pay his rent?  Oh, please Sometime else. Okay. It's important now. I talked to Lester on phone. He said I don't have to answer any question Well, you don't have to but I'd appreciate it if you would my son home soon Oh Alright, I know these things you ask about men who live here. Well, look, how about his friends who visited them? I know I cannot say no visitor. How is he a good tenant? No trouble like mr. Aselepon on the third floor always drunk fine Do you ever meet his girl girl? Sure is girl. He has a girlfriend. No, I I never see girlfriend How long have you known him? Five six year maybe ever since you move in here this place, you know how he spent his time work He work hard. No, I mean besides working at the textile company. How else? I know He poor fellow that one. How's that?  I'd like to see his apartment if I can No matter You'll bring key back, please. Thank you, Mrs. Denovich The apartment Lester James had lived in was as dismal as the neighborhood a tiny closet kitchen a bed that came out of the wall and A pair of grimy windows that looked across the court into another pair of equally grimy windows The furniture was early 30s and thread there Among his personal effects. I found nothing of value the apartment yielded no more information than James had Expense account item three one dollar ninety-five cents dinner. I had it in a neighborhood restaurant called the 59er a Place where I learned Lester James at frequently evening The restaurant manager remembered him and liked him a Woman who ran a bakery shop across the street told me how he'd come back from the war in 1946 and had worn his uniform For a month until he got a job and could buy some civilian clothes All in all I was getting a composite picture of Lester James that Didn't look quite right Whatever he was to the people who knew him casually He wasn't a man who ever had any money to spend No good, huh Now that's where it goes We had some action here today, you know, oh James preliminary hearing was this afternoon a man from the district attorney's office took about 15 minutes to lay out the evidence against James Uh-huh, and the public defender took about three minutes trying to get James to answer one question What did he do with the money can I miss anything? Yeah, I don't think wouldn't open up at all just said that he'd spent it Well public defender about threw up his hands. I'm ready to throw up mine When is the trial set for a sometime next week like to talk to him again He'd been moved yet didn't go to the sheriff's office somebody bail him. He bailed himself $200 he hadn't wore bonds He left you now go get out of about six. That's when the ship changes. Are you still want to see him? Yeah, I'll wait for later when Lester James emerged from the doorway and turned right. I Followed him, but I have to block behind when he caught a cab and headed up town I caught one stayed right with him When he got out of the Empress theater and walked around to the stage door, I was standing at the alley entrance Ten minutes later. He came out and hail a cab Once more I followed This time he went back to his apartment on 59th Street. I waited 15 minutes before I went in James James is me Johnny dollar. I got a couple of whiffs of it standing there in front of the door The room was accurate Stinging with gas fumes and Lester James was stretched out on the floor of his six-foot kitchen When I picked him up and carried him out. I didn't know whether he was alive or dead The second act of yours truly Johnny dollar these seconds after I found Lester James I'd called the police ambulance in a matter of minutes an intern was working over him with a pull motor There was no telling how much gas he breathed in or for how long a time the jet had been open and me that Thanks, okay You're live maybe hard to say on these that shot should cause some reaction It's your place. Oh, it's his you know him Name is Lester James. I met him earlier today. Can you give me that we might be getting something here about this thing?  Oh, yeah, yeah, let's have a little more getting some pulse Respiration to what are you making? It depends. He had a heart condition. It'll be tough Nothing more we can do here. That's moving. I will he be 48 Street emergency. Why I like to talk to him when he comes around Better phone in first. I'm sure it's the third one tonight What is it the weather? Not for him. You know why? He's out on bail Goes to trial on an embezzling charge pretty soon. Oh Well, I'll be sure and call in. Yeah, right Investigating officers questioned me regarding the circumstances of Lester James's attempted suicide. I Told them what had happened and gave them my business address for reference After that I went back to my hotel and had dinner Then I went over to the Empress theater Musical show was playing there and it had just finished I Didn't quite get that mister dollar. Oh, mr. Dollar. What can I do for you, sir? Between 6 30 and 7 o'clock tonight Man came here to the stage entrance and talk to you a lot of people talk to me here. What man? His name was Lester James. No, I don't remember no Lester James. Maybe he didn't give you his name Come here to see somebody He might have I don't know he's about 511 weighs a hundred seventy-five or eighty didn't have any hat on Raincoat dark man. You remember him. Oh, yes, of course him You remember oh sure. Yeah, he's been around a lot of times Lester. Yeah, I didn't even recognize that name first Would you mind telling me what he was doing here? Well, it comes here to see Margie cook at his girlfriend Oh, no, I don't think so. She never sees him when he asked who's Margie cook.  Well, no, no, I've never seen him together She's still here. What's that? I'd like to talk to her. She's still here. Oh, no, no, Margie left. She finishes in the second act Could you tell me where she lives? No, I'm sorry. I can't tell you that Where can I phone her? I just can't tell you that either. Look, would you do me a favor? Well, if I can what is it would you telephone her and tell her my business and ask her if you'd see me Well, I suppose I can do that. All right, mr. Dollar. Take a chair right there. I'll just see what I can do Expense account item four two dollars and sixty-five cents more cab fare this time to the apartment of Margie cook singer She met me at the door with cold cream on her face wrapped in a chenille dressing gown And this cook you must be mr. Dollar come in, please. Thank you. I Didn't quite understand Frank on the telephone Frank all of the doorman of the theater Yeah, I didn't quite know what to make of it. Good.  No, no, thanks. You mentioned something about a man named luster James, mr. Dollar Yes, you know him. Well, no, I don't as a sort of a reservation on the way you say that miss cook You know his name. Yes, I know the name What's this all about? Oh just a routine investigation. Are you sure? Oh, yes I'm curious. How did you get my name? How am I connected with luster James? Well, that's what I want you to tell me Oh first about my name. Well, James was at the theater tonight asking for you I found that out from the doorman and then I asked to speak to you. Oh Understand James has been around there quite a bit. No, I Really don't know how to tell you this. I've only seen the man once in my life Is that so? He's Well, he's really quite impossible. I Dear This is very embarrassing to be asked about a thing like this by a complete stranger. Well, maybe I can save you that embarrassment if you Answer one question. All right You ever give you any presents? Yeah What? well That's a red case there This one mm-hmm in the lighter to go with it mm-hmm Tiffany's pretty I think and Expensive what else? Well, let me think. Oh That wasn't from him. Oh, that was what the lamp over there. Uh-huh and a fair piece Could I see that I'm afraid I gave it away. I gave it to my kid sister was visiting me a couple of months ago What kind of fur piece was it? I think that's about it except for orchids that used to come every night and doesn't orchids every night He sent them to you mm-hmm for about three months You only saw him once and he gave you all these gifts. Oh dear. I know how that must sound Look it started about six months ago, I guess I got a card in my dressing room one night asking me to dinner It was signed Lester James. Well, I'd never heard of anyone named Lester James and I tore it up But every night after that I kept getting the card and pretty soon flowers and then the lighter and the cigarette case came That's when I saw him. I didn't even dine with him. Mr. Dollar. We had one drink and I told him I had a headache I see gifts still kept coming flowers invitation. I ignored them I tried to send the things back, but I didn't know where to send them So I gave away some and some I've kept and that's it Why didn't you see him after that one night? Oh, he's Was so different than what I'd imagined. I mean I've had my share of stage door Johnny's but this man was Well, he couldn't say a word without stumbling. He had no poise no sophistication nothing all he had was money I see. Well, he didn't have money either miss cook. What? He worked for 72 dollars a week as a bookkeeper But all the gifts the things he gave me sent me he had to have money. He's been stealing it to buy those things for you That's why you're here No wonder you tried to commit suicide a couple of hours ago suicide No, oh No I'm sorry. I had to come to you to get this information He wouldn't tell anybody what he done with the money Will he go to prison? I'm afraid so But we had nothing he was just a name to me Well, apparently you were something more to him I Spent the next two days tracking down the places from which the gifts had been purchased and ascertaining their retail values total 2780 dollars I Also learned from Margie cook Lester James had made appointments to meet her at various times at different expensive restaurants around town She never once kept any of these appointments a Check with the Waldorf 21 the stork and several other places revealed that James had always made elaborate arrangements to entertain her His restaurant bills which were paid came to 835 dollars the florist bill 680 dollars total 4295 dollars Hello. Hi Remember me sure insurance, man but no How do you feel okay? You saved me didn't you I suppose so why? Well for the same reason you'd save a man who was dying James You know what I've been doing what? Answering the questions that you wouldn't answer I Met Margie cook what my job I had to listen you had no right to go to how you had no right It's the company's money you were spending on it. I had every right Unpleasant as a baby and she She knows all about me. Yep.  It matters yourself. I didn't steal the money you did why didn't you leave it alone? What difference does the money make to you? Nothing to me. What do you want now? Well, I didn't get all of it traced down. There's still 410 dollars. I'm worried about I Yeah Here I've got this much. Yeah Can you remember what you did with the rest of it? Pretty thorough aren't you I try to be Well, oh Come on Lester. We've got most of it. What difference does it make now you and your money? That's all it is to you dollars and cents dollars and cents that were stolen remember that What did you do? See you're on the stage one night No She was in the office office your office. Yes Some passion convention about six months ago She was modeling some of our fabrics for them that publicity people brought her over.  I heard that's the best way to do it Well, it's one way, but it's not the best way Lester All right, I picture myself knocking on her door one night and saying I'm a bookkeeper and I live on 59th Street Why don't you come over and I have a bottle of beer with me? You know She might have come What makes you think so I? Met her up until the time I talked with us to James in the emergency hospital I had my doubts about love at first sight After I talked to him I was convinced that it could and did happen to him I was sorry that he didn't know quite how to handle it I was also wondering if I'd been in his shoes, but I have done the same thing Johnny dollar. Oh, I was afraid you might have left town. I'm just packing up. Who's this? Margie cook remember me. Oh, yeah, sure I haven't been able to sleep thinking about thinking about that man. Lester James. Yes, what'll happen to him? He'll go to prison even with all the money returned Only half of that stuff is redeemable take at least oh 2,500 more and then what well then it would be up to the court. I Want to pay it? What I want look miss cook. I Know your motors are the best, but you're not responsible in any way for this man's actions He just went dollar. He's the first man. I've ever known who actually went out on a limb for the girl He loves I'm the girl and he's the man Are you serious? He doesn't belong in any prison. You ought to get married to some nice girl. I want to help you. He's still there Yeah, yeah, no matter. Oh Nothing Nothing at all Spencer count item five twenty eight dollars hotel Item six thirty seven dollars meals Item seven fifteen dollars fifteen cents miscellaneous item eight same as one Transportation back home total one hundred and fifty one dollars and twenty-two cents remarks James comes to trial next week and view of Margie cooks paying back the money so James just might get a suspended sentence, but as always that's up to the court Here's truly Johnny dollar


And at some stage, a good mother pushes the child away, pushes him away, pushes the child away, allows the child to separate from her and to become an individual and acquire personal. A mother who doesn't let this process unfurl and unfold creates narcissism, potentially, not in all cases. Because the child then is unable to extricate itself and see itself from the outside, which is a precondition for the formation of a self. So here you are, you have children, two to four years old, in adult bodies, and they're still stuck in a stage where they don't feel being seen from the outside. They don't experience the existence of other people. They've never separated, and so they don't know how to separate and they don't recognize the separateness of other people. So they are still in this symbiotic kind of womb, and yet there is this innate drive to separate and individuate. So what they do, they pick up an intimate partner and they convert the intimate partner into a mother figure, maternal function, and then they reenact the whole process of separation and individuation with this maternal figure. So the shared fantasy, this is called shared fantasy, it's not my term, it was first described by Sander in 1989. So the shared fantasy is not about being together, it's about separating. Shared fantasy leads its goal, its culmination, its separation, and then becoming an individual. People think that the shared fantasy is about being together forever, merging, fusing, becoming one. No, it's exactly the opposite. The shared fantasy is about becoming two. The narcissist is always in a condition of being one with everyone. He is always merged and fused. He wants to become two, not one. He wants finally to separate, and this is the role of the fantasy. But you need to capture someone to collaborate, to collude into fantasy. You need to somehow... So how to do that? You have to lure them. You have to lure them somehow. So the narcissist comes to you and offers you a fantasy. First of all, the narcissist identifies whether you can provide what I call the four S's. The four S's are sex, supply, sadistic or narcissistic. Safety, constant presence, object constancy, constant presence. And services. If you can provide two of the four, two of the four S's, you're in. Okay, you qualify. And then the narcissist needs to capture you, to captivate you. And so, narcissists offers you a deal. The deal is two stages, two phases. The first phase is known colloquially as lob bombing. During the first phase, the narcissist idealizes you. And then he grants you access to your idealized image through his gaze, through his gaze. And so you fall in love with your own idealized image. I call it the whole of mirror effect. You fall in love with your... You don't fall in love with the narcissist.   It's so intense. It's so focused on you. You're so idealized. You're hyper-intelligent. You can do no wrong. You're perfect.  It's a wonderful feeling. It's flattering. It's, in other words, narcissistic supply. It triggers in you your own narcissism. And because it triggers in you your own narcissism, it also regresses you. You become more infantile and more dependent on the narcissist. So this is the first ingredient in the deal. The second ingredient in the deal. The narcissist exposes to you his childlike aspects. He allows you to see him as a child. And this triggers in you maternal instincts or reflexes.  Men also like babies. Not only women. So you fall in love with a child, which the narcissist is. One could even say that to some extent narcissists grants you access to his catatonic, ossified true self. And this provokes in you not only a maternal instinct or reflex, but also a protective reflex. You want to cuddle this child. You want to revive this child, resuscitate it. It's a bit religious. It's a bit like Jesus with the resurrection. I claim generally that narcissism is a form of private religion. What's an example, Sam, of how that would be induced? That caretaking response on the part of... Not initially. Initially it's exactly the opposite. Initially the narcissist comes to you and acts as a maternal figure.  It's going to idealize you. It's going to love you unconditionally. It's going to regard you as perfect. It's going to give you access to this view of yourself and thereby you become addicted. That's initially. And then once you're hooked, the narcissist says, okay, it takes you for granted now. He says, okay, now I need you to act as my mother. And the narcissist exposes to you his childlike features. For example, his learned helplessness. His learned helplessness. His dependency on you. His neediness. In short, the codependent aspects of narcissism which are very often ignored. And then you're double hooked.  And you become both mother and child to the narcissist. And I call this the dual mothership. It's a dual mothership structure. And things proceed. Now you idealize each other. There's a process of co idealization. You idealize each other. You are each other's mother and each other's child. The bonding is tremendous. There's nothing like it in a normal healthy relationship. Nothing as intense and as profound as the bonding in a shared fantasy. Do you think this is what's colloquially referred to as trauma bonding? Do you think there's any utility in that? It is actually a self-harming reaction to this. It's a self-harming reaction. But yes, it's an element because this provokes self-harming later. But it's an element. Yes, trauma bonding is an addiction actually. But it's very intense, very profound because it touches everything that is core. It touches your narcissism, touches your childhood. It touches your maternal instincts. It touches your protective instincts. It triggers everything in you. And you're doomed. You're hooked. Now that you're each other's mothers, the narcissist can proceed. He doesn't do so consciously. It's not premeditated. It's not evil. It's not wicked. This is psychopaths. People confuse psychopaths with narcissists. Now the narcissist proceeds because now you are his mother. All the old childhood templates are re-invoked. They come alive. The narcissist has had a single experience of interacting with a mother. So now he takes this experience and applies it to you. Now you're his mother. And he goes through the motions of being your child in a desperate attempt to separate from you. Because that's what children do with mothers. Separate from you and become an individual. But in this particular case, it's a problem because you've been idealized. How do you separate from an ideal object that is irrational? But there's another problem here. It's a challenge to grandiosity. Because if I need to separate from you and you are an ideal object, it means I've been wrong about you somehow. I misjudged you somehow. Otherwise, why would I want to get rid of you? Something's wrong. So the narcissist needs, therefore, to convert you from an ideal object to a secretary object, to an enemy. And having done that, he can devalue you and discard you. And that's the only way to separate from you. You cannot remain an idealized object. You must become something lesser. A devalued version of yourself. To allow the narcissist to separate from you. And that's the end of the shared fantasy. More or less in a nutshell. It's much more complex than this. But in a nutshell, that's the end of the shared fantasy.   And this leads much later to a compulsion to regain you somehow, to re-idealize you. And this is known as hoovering. But these are the basic mechanisms. And so the intimate partner typically is the one to end these relationships, I think, right? Where you've seen that they are induced to become almost the abuser to facilitate the rupture of the relationship. And I've heard you say that mourning that, mourning that end of the shared fantasy is, in its own way, remaining in the shared fantasy. So can you speak a little bit to how the denouement of this kind of relationship and how it typically...  It's a replay of early childhood processes, dynamics and mechanisms. It's utterly... So because it's so profound and so on, the grief is equally profound. And it's multiple grief. In the wake of the shared fantasy, whether you were the one to dump the narcissist or vice versa, in the shared fantasy, you're mourning your child, which is the narcissist.  So you're mourning yourself, you're mourning the child. You're mourning the fantasy. The fantasy is a narrative with future aspects of future elements. You know, we're going to have a family, we're going to have three children and these and that. So you're mourning this vision of the future, which for a very long time energized you and gave meaning to your life and organized it and suddenly you find yourself in outer space, deep chaos, lacking direction and purpose. So you're mourning this. You're mourning what the relationship could have become. Taking into account your investment and so on and so forth. And the good aspects of the narcissist. There's many things of narcissists that you do like. So you're mourning this potential, this lost potential.  This is absent in other breakups. In other breakups, you usually mourn the vision that you've had together, which may have been fantastic, usually it's realistic, but may have been fantastic. And you're mourning what could have been. And that's bad enough. Broken heart syndrome is real. That's bad enough.  The maternal experience and so on and then mourning a lost identity, your identity, is what the narcissist does is a process known as entraining.  Think of yourself as a smartphone, installs an app. And the app is the narcissist voice, the introject of the narcissist. And this app remains with you after the physical separation. This voice remains in your head. You keep talking to the narcissist and worse, worse still, the narcissist keeps talking to you. This dialogue continues long after the breakup. And so there is this to contend with. It is this form of grief is potentially self-negating and self-annihilating could have seriously bad outcomes. It involves almost automatically complex trauma and emotional dysregulation. It provokes in many victims, it provokes narcissistic and psychopathic behaviors.  You feel that you're no longer the same and would never ever be the same, which is not true. The prognosis is actually very good, especially with professional help. But in the meantime, you have the feeling that you are damaged for good or at the very least that you've changed forever. And it's terrifying in a way because you are estranged. There's a process called estrangement.  You don't feel good with yourself. You don't feel that you know yourself, that you're comfortable with yourself. You're ego-distonic. You know, it's a horrible feeling. You are not even sure who is doing the morning. Who is the one who is grieving? Is it really you or is it the narcissist compelling you to grieve for him?  You feel that it all emanates from the outside.  You feel there's a puppet master. Regardless of his physical presence or absence, he's still there. And so you can never be sure what part is you and which part is him and which part is a fantasy which may be still unfurling or unfolding in your head. It's a total disorientation. And I would compare it as far as experience goes, subjective experience. I think I can compare it only to psychosis. It's because in psychosis we have something called hyperreflexivity. It's kind of expansion of the self to include the world. And here I think it's the same. The victim's self, so to speak, these are all metaphors. Yes, no one has ever captured the self in the laboratory. But the victim's self, or sense of self, expands to include the narcissist and to include the fantasy. And when the narcissist is gone, the result is psychotic because the reality element is gone. And what is left is the perception. And the perception is definitely counterfactual and realistic. And that's a great definition of psychosis. So what I'm trying to say is this, in the wake of a relationship involving a narcissist and narcissistic abuse, I don't think you can overcome this by yourself. I think you need help. And another thing is you need to separate from the narcissist because you have been regressed to infancy.  And so you need now, you need now to separate from the maternal figure, which is a narcissist and to individuate. It's like back to back to square one. It's like starting from scratch. But learning to walk again after a horrible accident. And it takes years. The aftermath is horrible. It takes years. But the prognosis is good. And I've heard you say that you feel it's an opportunity to learn self-love, to learn self-reclamation and to really develop self-relational intimacy that may not have otherwise been available, absent the, you know, abusive experience in the romantic relationship so that there is this opportunity that is conferred by the challenges of that kind of dynamic, should you have the right kind of support and, you know, will interest, wherewithal readiness that is, you know, unique. It sounds like there is a lot of hope. Why is that not the case for, you know, the identified narcissist? Why is there not, in your opinion, this hope for redemption, courtesy of the individuation opportunity that was created in the romantic experience, do you think? Because the narcissist has nothing to go back to. You have existed prior to the narcissist. You have an institutional memory of your self-hood. You have experienced how it feels to be you. You have memory of how you conducted yourself when you were you. And the support you get is simply to a kind of regression, regress you back to where you were before that. So there's somewhere to go back to. It's like refugees, war refugees, you know. They're still there. The war will end one day and you can go back. The narcissist has nowhere to go back to and nothing to go back to. To use the metaphors of true self and false self. The narcissist trajectory of personal development as a child has been disrupted. Consequently, the narcissist never formed a sense of self-hood and identity and some stable core. So the narcissist can separate from the mother or from the maternal figure, but can never individuate. The problem is not a separation. The narcissist separates dozens of times in a lifetime. They can never individuate because to individuate, you need a relation with yourself. Individuation is essentially defined, is an environmentally defined process. So you individuate by internalizing the gaze of others.  And this is a crucial facet. So other people see you. This creates a boundary and within the boundary you emerge, you become. This is Lacan, by the way. So, but the narcissist doesn't have any element of this process, not a single one. He cannot relate to other people as separate or external. So their gaze is meaningless. It's in internal gaze. And he doesn't have a self. Nothing can emerge. It is, it doesn't do object relations. So he has no relationships. He has no relational experience. Nazis don't have, they're solipsistic. And so the Nazis is doomed to remain stuck in, in this emptiness in this black hole and to desperately attempt time and again to separate an individual to separate and and accumulate a library of idealized and then devalued introjects, snapshots of his intimate partners and friends and so on. Just to be clear, the shared fantasies applicable to all relate all the narcissist relations, not only intimate, not only romantic. The Nazis does exactly the same thing with a good friend or with a boss or with a role model or with a teacher. No, no, it's the same. It's all shared fantasy. And you see, even your question includes the implication of the underlying assumption that there is somebody there.  Simply breaks. We have so few of us have had the experience of not being perhaps with the exception of some gurus in India or something. And ironically, this is considered to be something to aspire to in certain mystical and religious traditions. Nothingness, the not being. The processes are there already.  We wish to reconsider some mystical teachings. This is the case that you have identified with this kind of a label personally. And if that's true, how has that informed your perspective that there isn't a maturation road there isn't an evolution there isn't a dimension of self insight that can develop. I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder twice. I assume that I am a narcissist. However, I spent the last 30 years studying the topic and working with well over 2000 people with an NPD with narcissistic personality disorder. And all these people had to prove to me that they're not comorbid.  They don't have borderline social or whatever. So I these are the pure unadulterated cases of narcissism diagnosed by diagnostician. And so I work with all of it well over 2000 of these 2000 200 by now and so I think everything I'm saying is not based on personal experience. Actually, I'm an adulterated type because I have narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personalities. So it would be bad practice as far as I'm concerned to look to introspect and derive any know everything I'm saying is based on essentially research. I'm not aware of any study which comprises 2000 narcissists. I think it's the biggest database in the world as far as I know. So I feel pretty confident in saying what I'm saying. Now, I've used I'm also eclectic. I'm accused of trying to revive psychoanalysis with what object relations that is expressly untrue. I use tools, wherever they come handy. So I use internal family system. I use transactional analysis. I use psychoanalysis. I use object relations score. So I use, you know, I don't see.  No, you should never ever mention psychoanalysis. There's absolutely nothing to learn to psychoanalysis, which is what they teach in Harvard and this kind of school. If you dare to mention psychoanalysis, you're done. You're dead. It's idiotic. Simply idiotic. And it all has to do with the pretension to science. Like we are scientists. We don't do psychoanalysis. We do laboratories. We do white coats. We do statistics. We don't do. We don't do psychoanalysis. There's a minor problem with psychology. The raw material. The raw material is mutable. Unstable. You can never replicate an experiment in psychology. Period. The replication crisis in psychology is not incidental. Another outcome of bad practice. It's the raw materials to beat. You simply cannot replicate experiments with the same person, let alone with, you know, because the experiment changes the person. It's exactly like quantum mechanics. We cannot observe an electron because when we try to observe an electron, the light particle that we send in order to observe the electron deflects the electron. It's no longer the same electron. But I think we can generalize. We can observe. We can describe. We can capture in the equivalent of literature many insights about human existence. Because we do have a lot in common. I think human beings have a lot in common. And we can try to somehow nail down this commonality. And the key is language, not statistics. Many, many psychologists think that if they do statistics, they are scientists. I've appeared in physics. That is science. Psychology is not. I can compare. I'm an active physicist. Physics is science. Psychology is not. But physics cannot capture the commonality of pain and love and grief. And the emptiness inside analysis is the borderline. Language can. And so we need to. Reconceive of psychology is literature. I think then we'll be much more useful to our patients and our colleagues and the community at large. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. So I wonder in closing Sam, if there are any red flags that you think are worth paying attention to learning in terms of the dynamic relationships that, you know, individuals might engage with those expressing a narcissistic pattern. Not because I believe in, you know, victims per se, but because I believe that it could generate even more self awareness when we recognize we're a match for this kind of experience. And I think so much of what you've articulated today has. Anyway, I know that it will serve in this self awareness and self discovery process for those who have otherwise identified as victims of narcissistic abuse and I like to say that suffering ends where meaning begins. So if you can find meaning in these experiences, you're necessarily learning more about yourself. So what might be do you think some, you know, cosmopolitan magazine red flags, you know, like 10 red flags or kind of dynamic and looking out for it you've described some including the nature of the love bombing in the beginning that is to be distinguished from just run of the mill falling in love. What else might you suggest.  Identity victim. He's a form of narcissism. Right. That is not somebody. These are studies by Dubai and others in Israel studies in British Columbia. There's a growing body of studies that shows that victim would can be used as a manipulative tool. It's a form of entitlement. And it involves covert narcissism at the very least form of virtual signal signal in your song. Okay, that aside, because I have many videos dedicated to this. Ask yourself who is the narcissist. Narcissist subsist in fantasy. They reject reality. So in your initial interactions with the narcissist. Is he down to earth is he grounded or is he a dreamer is he a fantasizer is it that's a warning sign. Narcissist have no object constancy. They fear abandonment and separation. So is he being controlling. Does he micromanage you. And I'm not talking about two years into the relationship. I'm talking about the first date. The first date. Does he take the keys from you and locks your door? Does he does he drive the car? Does he decide which restaurant to go to?  Does he does he select the food and so on so forth. Those are all signals of control. Next. Narcissist idealized the narcissist idealizes you. But at the same time he holds everyone else in contempt. If you see a discrepancy between the way the narcissist is treating you and the narcissist is treating other people. On a first date. He shouts at the waiter. He humiliates the cab driver or the Uber driver. But he treats you as a queen or as a princess. It's a serious warning sign. This is known as splitting. It's a serious warning. The alacrity, the speed is unusual. A narcissist would offer you cohabitation. First date if he's slow. Family of the second date and you would have three children by the third. The speed is outlandish and indicative of a pathology. Because he needs to secure. He is it's compulsive. You feel the compulsion. It's not desperation. It's compulsion. It's utterly. So there's a lot of energy too much energy. Next are the speech patterns. Does he talk about himself incessantly. And shuts you down whenever you try to speak or. That's one variant. And the other variant. Does he keep utterly silent. And kind of sponsors information of you as if he were constructing. Some criminal file some police as if this were some kind of police interrogation. So either too valuable. And to verbose. Or totally silent. These are two warning signs. The typical conversation is 55. These are warning signs. Next, how intense is he. He's interested in you. It's normal on a date. But does it go too deep too soon. Does he try to somehow. Fulfill a role like a guru, a teacher, a father. An insightful genius. All this on the first date. Because people lie to themselves and they say. The Nazis is a great actor. And so he pulled the wall over my eyes. He deceived me. It took me months to. To realize who it really is. The mask fell only up to two years. That's utter nonsense. All the warning signs and red alerts. Are there within the first five minutes. It even has a name. This is called the uncanny uncanny valley reaction. In 1970. There was a roboticist. Japanese, of course, how else. The roboticist name was Masahiro Mori. Masahiro Mori described a very interesting phenomenon. The more a robot resembles a human being. The more Android a robot is. The less comfortable people feel in the robot's presence. And this is known as uncanny valley reaction. And can he was a phrase coined by Freud, actually. So when you are with the narcissist. You have an uncanny valley reaction. Because a narcissist is exactly this. It's a programmed robot. Which is very Android. It's a great simulation of a human being. But there's something off key. There's something off note. There's something awry. There's something wrong. It's not put together to perfection. And you react with an uncanny valley reaction. But you suppress the reaction. You deny it. Because I don't know. You're lonely. And finally you're dating after two years. And you know. You want it to be a success. Or because you doubt yourself. You have what we call autoplastic defenses. You fail with so many guys. It's probably my fault. You know. I'm too. I'm too something. I'm too critical. I'm too this. I'm too that. This is wrong. Pay attention to your intuition and gut instinct them. They're right 90% of the time when it comes to other people. By the way, the rate of intuition is right. Only 50% of the time, generally speaking. But when it comes to people, it's right 90% of time. Believe, trust yourself. If you feel that something's wrong. If you feel something is off key. If you feel that this guy or this girl. They're like a simulation. They're put together well. They resemble people, human beings. You know, but there's something wrong there. Just go away. Run. Cut it.  You have to trust yourself. You have all the information you need within minutes. When two people meet. They exchange a molecule. A smell. It's equivalent to a smell. Exactly. It's equivalent to a smell. The molecule contains well over 100. Elements of information. About the genetic makeup of the other person. The neurological system. Of the other person. And many other things. About 100. That's when you first time that you meet. And if you're separated by 100 meters or shorter. Imagine how much information is exchanged. Once you have had a conversation. Or once you've been able to observe the behavior. Of the person. The way he interacts with other people. Unexpected situations. Stresses. Something goes goes wrong. Something goes right. Is he too late and grandiose when something goes right. Attribute takes a credit. Attributes it to himself. Or is he rageful. Is he frustrated. Visibly and voluble. When something goes wrong. Does it take it out on other people. Does he constantly blame other people. When he talks about his job. Is he that it is a complaint of being discriminated against. Overlooked. You know. Pay attention. Simply. You have all the information you need is on the first date. Anything that happens afterwards. Is your choice. And decisions.  And you should pay the price for your choices and decisions. The consequences of your actions. Are yours. And yours only. No one else is to blame. And if you do blame others. And if you split the most assist is demonic and you're an age. You've become a narcissist. So this what masses is do. Right. So profound. Thank you so much for this. Handed our and so. Such a like a clear framework for us to work with. Not only again. Just the point that you just made. For understanding patterns of human behavior that we see all over. Whether that's you know clinically or socio-culturally. But also as. You know a call and invitation to take personal responsibility for our relational experiences. As we might otherwise identify. As victims and engage in the self same. Psychology. It's it's a major. Yeah. The mirroring main takeaways. Yeah. And you've you've depicted that with tremendous clarity. So thank you. Thank you. And I'd love for yeah. For you to share any resources or. Any support that you offer to two people who are finding themselves in this in this realm. I have a YouTube channel now in the description part of each and every video. There's literature. A literature section. So you may wish to proceed on your own. They're well over 1400 videos. They're divided into playlists. So each playlist is thematic. And that's the most I could do to help you to navigate your way around this resource. I think. A big racial. Absolutely. I would absolutely. Video. I don't think there's much more I can say that I haven't said. That's perfect. Well, I appreciate you so much. Thank you for being in this conversation with me. Thank you for being with me. Thank you. Bye bye.


the new Samsung Notebook here at the Windows event, so who are you? So my name is Blake Mitchell with Microsoft and today I'm just going to quickly show you the newly announced Samsung Notebook 9 Pro. And so this device, having a beautiful display and actually a really thin design, is a 2-in-1 design, as you may notice, supporting a USB-C and HDMI on the side. It also supports two full-size USB ports and a micro-SD port on the other side. High-speed ports. Absolutely. And what makes this device really unique from Samsung is it actually comes with a garage to S-Pen. And you may notice that when I pull this S-Pen out, it also launches a Windows Ink workspace along the right-hand side, so you can quickly access the Windows Ink features that you know and love.  So is there a release date, price yet? I won't be able to speak towards pricing or availability yet, but you can expect them more here. And it goes into tent mode? It does. It goes into tent mode, as you may notice, tablet. And when you're in tent mode, the camera is still in the bottom, right? When you're in tent mode, the camera would still be right where the top of the screen normally would be in laptop mode, right?


You're tuned into the COVID-19 community report here on KDRT 95.7 FM in Davis, California. I'm Autumn LaBea Renault and today is Tuesday, August 11, 2020. We are sharing local news and resources focusing on what's impacting Davis and nearby cities in Yolo County during the COVID-19 pandemic. My goal with this show is to help provide a narrative for how individuals, organizations, and cultural groups around Yolo County are weathering the COVID-19 pandemic. I believe the more we can share diverse perspectives and solid local information, the better prepared we are to create community that's based on understanding and inclusion. Since March, we've recorded 30 episodes and today marks interview number 50. I want to say thank you to all who have participated and listened. I did an informal poll on my Facebook page last week and received a ton of feedback, much of which skewed towards the desire to hear more from everyday people about their experiences during this time. So I'll be doing my best to bring those ideas forward in future interviews as well as continuing to speak with local leaders who share important information about our institutions, schools, and businesses. And I'll remind you, you can listen to this or any KDRT show anytime online at kdrt.org. Today we'll check in with our neighbors in West Sacramento via a conversation with West Sacramento City Councilmember Martha Guerrero, and then we'll speak with Sarah Marsh Crowder, who is the literary manager and company dramaturg for Bike City Theater Company here in Davis. So last week, the number of confirmed COVID-19 infections passed 15 million globally with around 650,000 deaths. Lockdowns are easing in many countries, leading some people to assume that the pandemic is ending, but really the pandemic is not playing out in the same way from place to place. Countries such as China, New Zealand, and Rwanda have reached a low level of cases after lockdowns of varying lengths and are able to ease restrictions while watching for flare-ups. But elsewhere, such as here in the United States and in Brazil, cases are rising fast after governments lift at lockdowns quickly or never activate at them nationwide. And I think that's really our problem here. Right here at home, Dr. Sonia Angel, the former head of California's Public Health Department, resigned late Sunday, days after officials revealed a backlog of hundreds of thousands of coronavirus records that Governor Gavin Newsom said were never reported to his administration. And that news broke yesterday. Last week, California Health and Human Services Secretary Dr. Marth Golly disclosed that as many as 300,000 records hadn't been processed, leaving county health officials with critical gaps in data on the virus's transmission. Golly attributed the problem to a computer server outage late last month and a failure to renew a certificate for Quest Diagnostics, a commercial lab that tests for coronavirus. Newsom has ordered a full investigation into the incident. In related news, Yolo County posted 75 new cases yesterday. And I do believe that is related to the backlog, bringing the county's total cases to 1,834. YoloCounty.org remains your site for all county-related public health info and for general questions about COVID-19. And the county offers a COVID-19 response operations center line for those general questions. And the number is<PHONE_NUMBER>. And finally, if COVID-19 has you feeling stressed, anxious or lonely, the CalHOPE warm line has free resources to manage stress and a call line to talk about your struggles. And the number is<PHONE_NUMBER>. It is free and confidential. And let's take a moment for music, and we will be right back with our first interview. Okay, Martha Guerrero was elected to the West Sacramento City Council in 2018 after having previously served on the city's planning commission for a number of years. And she is running for mayor in the current election cycle. As Los Angeles' county legislative representative in Sacramento, she's dedicated over 19 years to public service, covering legislative strategy and advocacy, public administration, strategic planning, and legislative and budget analysis. Also, a licensed clinical social worker, if you can believe that, Martha has received accommodation from the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors for her legislative leadership and dedication to foster children. And I reached out to her because she's also been a leading source for information about West Sacramento on the COVID-19 Yolo Response Facebook page. Welcome, Martha. Thanks so much for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me today. So West Sacramento is an incredibly multicultural, diverse community. It's a hub for food production. It's a gateway to the Delta. It's really different than all the other communities in Yolo County in many ways. And like other areas in the county, it's been dealing with a surge in COVID cases with 26 new cases reported just yesterday. So I'm hoping today that we'll be able to hear about what some of the particular challenges are in your community. And then we can talk about the ways that the community is rising to meet those. Thank you. Okay. And yes, we have been experiencing an increased caseload of COVID cases. And I think it's also due to the ability to do more testing in our city. And we're continuing to increase testing as we move forward so that we can capture who are positive and make sure that they are isolating themselves trying to get the testing results back sooner. And I'm working with our Sacramento Metro Chamber partners to provide PPE to our businesses so that they can pass them out to their customers. Right. I saw you had posted a picture of a delivery of PPE to frontline workers at a grocery store there. Yes, Arteaga is one of our, mainly served by Latino community. And that's where our biggest surge. We're experiencing an increase of the Latino community who are providing support for those out of, you know, the grocery stores. They clean our hospitals and our businesses. And they come home and they have families where they live in small environments. And they also want to take care of their elders. So they go in and visit with them, teaching them what they can do to prevent the spread, educating them on how it happens quickly if they're not wearing a mask and providing them with the PPE so they can continue to use it and not have to hold on to it. We've been seeing that they're trying to scrub them clean and reuse them where we're thinking, you know, that's not a good idea. Right. Toss those and use a new one.  Yeah, it's so important to get that communicated in multiple languages.  So what else are you hearing from your constituents about the the kinds of help that's needed right now? I'm hearing concerns from individuals who are going to businesses with people and not wearing masks. Their concern is catching it. So trying to educate the businesses to enforce the use of masks and also have them on hand. And there's some businesses who are ahead of the game who are actually have door greeters such as the Nugget and Target and Walmart have done a lot of improving in that area. And handing out a mask if somebody's not coming in with the appropriate protection and trying to enforce that even while they're in the store. So people will go in and take it off and not want to use it, but just continuing to enforce the use of masks and cleaning their hands and sanitizing all the public, you know, things that people are using, whether it be at the cash register to go on shopping cars and other things that people are coming in contact with frequently. Restaurants trying to enforce making sure that there's no indoor seating. And if somebody comes indoors, it's going to be to go and pick up your food and then leave. But outdoor seating is permitted. We haven't seen a case where an outdoor seating has affected infected other people. It could be an employee who comes back from a family or an event where they do come and contaminate it. So our businesses are very good at closing immediately if they find out that one of their employees did come in sick and then they try to decontaminate the site. And that's in an area I think that our businesses are very good at. Let's talk about food scarcity for a moment because another thing you have shared, I know you've been working with Yolo Food Bank during this time to help make sure that food gets to citizens in West Sacramento who need it. So how is that playing out? How many more people do you know are getting delivery in West Sacramento and how have you been a part of that? We have had to bolster enhanced food bank and meals on wheels support because initially had through a Yolo Food Bank home delivered meals. So they scaled back and I'm working with the county and initially we had the Great Plates program that the state rolled out and I tried to get the city involved. They said that the workload, the administrative requirements were excessive and so I reached out to Yolo County and they did participate. So that gave us the infrastructure so that we can do something new beyond the Great Plates program which expired and with the coronavirus relief funding we've enhanced access to in-home meals for our most vulnerable populations and even those that are COVID positive through our meals and wheels program. And Yolo Food Bank has increased to two additional sites in the local church and in another area here the Children's Alliance program here in the Broderick and Bride area. So we have about four distribution sites now weekly where initially we used to have St. Vincent DePaul and Trinity and our Mercy Coalition who would do daily meals to our population who are homeless and so that they scaled back to their retirees and so Yolo Food Bank has stepped up tremendously. They have they have done Yeoman's work during this pandemic. Because you mentioned the homeless let's talk for a minute about Project Room Key and for listeners that's the program Governor Newsom launched at the start of the pandemic where the state has secured thousands of isolation rooms and hotels and motels for basically extremely vulnerable individuals experiencing homelessness and all that was done to help flatten the curve and of course preserve hospital capacity but what I wanted to say Martha is for anyone who's been around for a while for years there was a giant billboard on I-80 West between West Sac and Davis that advertised thousands of motel rooms in West Sacramento. It's since been changed but that memory tells me that West Sacramento has had a real role to play here so could you speak to that program and its importance for local jurisdictions? Yes it has been a benefit to have when we had our billboard of 10,000 motel rooms and all focused on West Capital Avenue and the motel did step up and offer the motel use so that we can have our unsheltered guests come in and provide shelter to prevent the spread of COVID out on the streets and so we had above a hundred people who are participating since then we've gone down to about 70 and it's because we found housing permanent housing for them so to provide stability for someone who is you know most of them have some level of challenges whether they have a history of rental evictions or just not being able to cover the first and last month's rent, not having the financial support, being able to stabilize their medical needs so they can get on Social Security insurance and you need to have a medical history in order to qualify for that and just providing the additional resources to support so that they can become stable and a little bit healthier in order to be able to find housing and support so all of that has been done through Project Moonkey and I've been advocating with the Homeless Coalition for it to become Project Homekey which West Sacramento is aggressively pursuing to be a recipient of we're looking at between two million to six million dollars in funding for about two to four motels. Very interesting development there yeah because you know you have a pandemic on top of homelessness, on top of food scarcity you're just basically layering one one problem on top of another so it's been it's been quite a time. Before we run out of time I when we were chatting back and forth before this interview I mentioned that I've really come to be aware of West Sacramento as kind of a food hub and I'm thinking here of Dollar General's recent announcement that it's moving it's all its cold storage facility to West Sacramento so West Sacramento has a lot going on in that area. What does that mean or how does it impact those types of businesses struggling to stay open and and how might it inform economic recovery in West Sacramento? Well I'm very grateful that Dollar General is coming in and you know providing an additional opportunity for people to be employed and looking forward to see what we can do to provide the additional support for them so that they can sustain their business and doing that for all of our businesses and some of the ways we can do that through programs and providing subsidized employment if they're financially struggling. We have the Cowork program which provides for individuals who have our family members parents mom or dad and we can subsidize in those that employment we can provide internships through our home run program and Workforce Investment Act has additional subsidized employment jobs for some people who are on the cusp of you know homelessness and yet they lack some of the skills but we can teach them the skills and we have an employer ready and I think that helped bridging those resources together and working with the chamber to ensure that they have the additional funding that they need either federal funding or relief in whatever way we can provide economic relief to do some subsidized grant here in West Sacramento and the coronavirus relief funds have provided the flexibility for us to use that funding to support our businesses so that that would be my goal. This is going to inform every community's work for years to come there there's just no way around that we're going to be feeling this impact for a long time. Martha it's been a pleasure to speak with you. How can people get more information about you if they are curious? Well thank you Adam. You can reach me at www.marthaburrero.com and all my contact information is in there so you can look in my background and then also send me an email if you have any questions. Great thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to let us know how the folks in West Sacramento are faring we appreciate it. Thank you all right you too. All right we're going to be back with our second interview in just a moment and I want to say that this lovely person was scheduled last week we had some technical difficulties so we are going to get her on today we'll be back in just a moment. We have some some weird mystical obstacle between Miss Sarah and and myself.


But similar to the roads, there are certain rules on the subway, even though most may be unspoken. When one teenager decided to break these rules, one stranger decided to teach him a lesson. Being a passenger on a subway can be, in a word, uncomfortable, especially at peak times. Sometimes it gets so bad that it is nearly impossible to find a seat. Common subway courtesy is that one person should only occupy one seat, leaving the others open for the rest of the passengers. However, one boy thought that he was above those rules and laid on the bench, taking up three seats, preventing other passengers from sitting down. When one of the passengers saw this, he wasn't having it. Not all of us have the luxury to drive a car to work every day. There are many people who have no choice but to take the public transport. Unfortunately, when taking the subway, there is a possibility that you might run into an individual who will not treat you kindly or with respect. Whether it is because of the tight space or the amount of people, buses and trains tend to bring out the worst in people. This story is an example of how rude people can be sometimes. When stuck in a confined space, surrounded by a horde of people for a period of time, there are many occasions when you might see someone doing something that may be considered rude. For example, there are some passengers that refuse to give up their seat. Others have even put bags on the seats, preventing anyone from sitting down next to them.  As mentioned before, some people put their bags on the seats to prevent people from sitting next to them. Surprisingly, that is not the worst that they could do. What's worse is putting your legs on other seats. If that wasn't bad enough, there are some that, when asked nicely, refuse to move their legs, which is completely unacceptable. When you follow the protocol of courtesy and the person still says no, what are you supposed to do? When faced with this awkward situation, many people have different strategies for dealing with it. Some will politely negotiate with the person, trying to get them to move, but some will ignore it and find a seat somewhere else. There are also those who are a little bit bolder and will confront the person. However, this can be tricky because you never know how the other person will react. If they are aggressive, then things could take a turn for the worst extremely fast. Is a seat really worth a fight? A certain victim didn't use violence but chose a unique approach for dealing with a rude teenager who though he was above common courtesy. The reason that this story became a viral hit overnight is because of a tweet that Twitter user, atda underscore drought underscore three posted. As of May 2019, the tweet has received about 137,000 likes, 47,000 retweets, and thousands of comments. A couple of the comments went like this, as a New Yorker this gives me life, it's the only way children will learn and my faith in humanity has been restored. You may wonder, what was this tweet that resonated with a lot of people? The person behind this Twitter moment is a young lady by the name of Isabel Kim, who is known on social media as atda underscore drought underscore three. Kim loves being able to share her story on social media. So, when she saw what happened on the subway, she knew that it had to be shared and quickly captured the crazy moment. This is what she started to snap away. Before we can really discuss what went down in Kim's tweet, we have to start with the story behind the picture.  In this particular case, there was a bench that could easily fit three people. However, a kid had another idea in mind. Colloquially in the public transport world, there is a term that is referred to someone who lays down on the subway, the lay-downer. Genius, right? The kid in Kim's tweet is the perfect example of what a lay-downer is. He is seen stretching his legs on the bench, leaning against his mom, taking up two seats. As he played on his phone, he was apparently oblivious to how awfully rude he was being to the rest of the passengers. It is a general rule of acceptance that you give up your seat to particular members of society, the disabled, those who are pregnant, and the elderly. When people approached this kid and asked him to move, the child simply ignored them and continued playing on his phone. To make matters even worse, his mom took no responsibility for her son and did nothing about his behavior. While the kid was ignoring the other passengers who were eager to sit down, his mother was doing the same.  She too was distracted with her phone and focused on YouTube rather than the rest of the world. I guess being insensitive runs in the family. As the mom and son were lost in their tech, the other passengers were forced to stand. As the frustration from the other passengers was beginning to escalate, the kid finally took notice. In response, he moved his legs, but only slightly. To give the others some space, he crouched his legs, still refusing to take his legs completely off of the bench, adding to the other passengers' frustration. Then, one passenger, a hero in the midst, had enough and decided to do something. Suddenly, a mysterious looking man came forth and took notice of the inconsiderate kid. The man wore black clothes and sunglasses and bore a striking resemblance to a British pop star. In fact, many people commented that they were convinced this man was Elton John. Unfortunately, it wasn't Elton, but that still didn't take away from this man's amazing actions, one which made this tweet instantly go viral. Like the many before him, the Elton John lookalike stood there and waited for the boy to notice him. The kid never did. Offended by the kid's audacity, he knew that it was time to take matters into his own hands, and he did something that the kid would soon never forget. The man sat on the kid. It is important to note that the man did verbally ask the kid to move, but the boy continued to ignore him, leading the man no other choice but to make his own space. Besides, the seat underneath the kid's legs was meant for a passenger like him anyway. The man thought it only right. The kid's reaction to this says it all. Kim was able to capture the exact moment when the kid realized he was being sat on. For a good couple of minutes, the boy was lost for words and just sat there with his mouth wide open in shock. It appeared that this was the first time that the kid didn't get what he wanted. The next set of photos show how hard it was for him to come to terms with reality. The man thought that he had every right to sit in the space that the boy had taken over with his legs, and rightfully so. Seeing that the boy, whose name was later revealed as Joe, had no respect, the man wanted to teach him a lesson. There is no denying that the boy learned the hard way, but by the time his mother realized what was going on, it was too late.  It was only when she missed her stopped did the mom take notice of what was going around her. Immediately, she blamed her son. Of course, the only person to blame is herself for having been so absorbed in her music rather than her son. During all of this, Kim continued to record, sharing everything on Twitter.  It was clear to everybody in the subway that the boy was extremely uncomfortable. After being sat on by a stranger and ridiculed by his mom in front of everyone, it was evident that the kid wanted to leave as soon as possible. The argument between the mom and son was not recorded, and when Kim stopped recording, they got off the subway. However, it didn't just stop there though. Shortly after the end of the video, the kid had a few things to say and included a few choice words. According to Kim, the boy turned on the stranger and began cursing.  The story didn't end there. Somehow, it worked its way to other places. After hearing about this story, someone came up with the idea of creating a T-shirt, featuring the infamous lay-downer himself. The shirt is a simple white T with a picture of Joe's hilarious reaction to being sat on. It's clear that the stranger and Joe will go down in subway folklore. Though many find the story comical, some people are not amused. While many were glad to see justice served, there are those who think it wrong of the stranger to sit on the kid. Some would even go so far as to say that this was a form of assault. While this is believed by a few, the majority support the man's action. Online, most believe that the stranger made the right choice in combating Joe's rudeness, praising the man by saying, not all heroes were capes, he has zero SS left to give, and he is my blood brother. No matter what side you may fall on, one thing is for sure, Joe will never forget the day he was schooled in subway etiquette. Next time the boy hops on the subway and refuses to move his legs, he should take notes from this guy. At least he's providing a means of entertainment. We've all been there when you're trying to relax after a long day of work, and the guy next to you won't get off the phone, or in this woman's case, move their legs to spare an inch of space. Or the woman passed out taking up the whole row of seats. We're sure that most subway systems want their riders to be comfortable, and the more props you can find to make the journey as easy as possible, the better. Even if this does include a newspaper to act as a light blocker. But what about all the other passengers? Let's pray the subway was empty that day.  Either way, if I walked past this I'd be scarred for at least a week. I'd probably put on some shoes. This woman clearly will go to great lengths to make sure she follows through with her date plans. Apparently, she was held up at work and decided to start preparing dinner on the subway. And chopping onions of all things.  First of all, why would you buy a car and then it on the subway? I guess either he's a germaphobe or he just really likes the amenities, but this guy sure is a waste of space. This has to be something only a true gamer would understand. You are blocking the exit bro.  Imagine first of all trying to haul that thing in a subway. You know for a fact she asked an irritated passenger for help. And second, the look on everyone's faces when they see her posted they're blocking the entire hallway. You might want to consider the free delivery next time. Um, hello. Can you not? This is exactly why women don't want to ride the subway. Next time, at least be a little smarter about where you're reading. Excuse me while I whip out my personal table real quick, it's sushi time. Oatmeal nearly spilling out of the pot and a ladle as a spoon. Really? Is breakfast that important? By the looks of it, this aspiring musician still needs a lot of practice.  They'll be fine standing for the next half hour. The subway was full and he didn't feel like standing. So what did he do? Found himself a nice spot to lounge on the floor instead. Totally normal.