After teaching English to the summer school students of Madison High all week long, last Saturday didn't arrive a minute too soon for Our Miss Brooks. Generally the thing I like best about Saturday is that it gives me a full 12 hours to speculate upon just how boring Sunday will be. But last Saturday while I was having breakfast with my landlady, Mrs. Davis, a bombshell was hurled into our usual routine. That's the front door bell, isn't it, Connie? Bell is an overstatement, Mrs. Davis. It used to be a bell years ago. Now it sounds like a dying rattlesnake with a frog in its throat. I wonder who it can be, anyway. All right, I'm coming. Maybe you shouldn't answer it, Connie. I've had the strangest feeling of foreboding all morning. Well, that's silly, Mrs. Davis. It might be good news. Why? Well, why should it be bad news? Why not? Let's have the playoffs when I come back. Good morning. I have a telegram here for a Mrs. Davis. Are you a Mrs. Davis? I'm not a Mrs. anything yet. Don't tell me I've delivered this telegram to the wrong address. Well, I've never been guilty of that in all my years in the service. Well, far be it for me to depress one of our boys in uniform. This is Mrs. Davis' house, all right. I just live with her. Ms. Brooks is the name. How do you do? I'm Herbie Terwilliger. That's my bike at the curb. Glad to know both of you. Give me your receipt book. I'll sign for the wire. All right, here you are, Ms. Brooks. Bottom line, please. All right. Yes, I've been in the service quite a while now. This is my sixth hitch. Really? Never been a plain foot messenger or always been with the bicycle squad. That sounds healthy. Of course. During my long term of duty, I've made a host of friends both in and out of the service. I imagine you have. Now, if you'll just excuse me. Of course, I've lost a few of my buddies, too. Good, hard peddling boys, all of them. I'm sorry, Herbie. Yes, I always think of them when I hear ghost riders in the sky. That song cheers me up, too. I'll take this telegram into Mrs. Davis now. Goodbye, Herbie. Oh, this isn't goodbye, Ms. Brooks. This wire has immediate reply requested printed on it. I'll just wait here on the porch until Mrs. Davis gives me an answer. All right, I'll try to hurry it up for you. I'll appreciate that. I have a slow leak in my rear tire. I'll be back in plenty of time to get it vulcanized. It's for you. What is it, dear? Mrs. Telegram. Oh, I knew it. I knew something terrible was going to happen today. Terrible, but you haven't even opened it yet. And I'm not going to open it, Connie. I've only received half a dozen telegrams in my entire life, and they all brought bad news. This is probably some horrible news about Mrs. Dribbleman. Mrs. Dribbleman? Yes, she went to Switzerland for a vacation. I warned her not to go. She probably fell off one of those Alps. Oh, now really, Mrs. Davis? I'm psychic about these things, Connie. Poor Mrs. Dribbleman. I can just picture her. Skiing down the Alps. Not a care in the world. Suddenly, a treacherous curve. She can't make the turn in time. Over the rim, she goes. She looks down. Nothing but rocky crags, jacked peaks. Why, Connie, you're not touching your breakfast. Suddenly, I'm not hungry. But aren't you going to finish your wheat cakes? Not until you get Mrs. Dribbleman off those peaks. I just remembered, Connie. Mrs. Dribbleman took my advice and decided not to go to Switzerland. She's feeling... she's feeling fine. Well, I'm glad to hear it. I don't want to rush you, Mrs. Davis, but this wire calls for an immediate reply. Right here on the envelope. Let's see. Immediate reply requested. Well, I'm sorry, but I... Wait a minute, Connie. Look where this telegram was sent from. To this cellophane here. Doesn't that say Springdale? Springdale? Yes, it does. Why? That's where Uncle Corky lives. Or maybe now I should say, lived, all. Poor Uncle Corky. He was always so fond of me. He was my mother's oldest brother, you know. We were very close. I'll bet he was just like an uncle to you.  After all, you don't know that he's not... Oh, but he must be. He was 87 years old on his last birthday, and he's had the hives for years. Well, maybe he'll outgrow them. When I think of how Uncle Corky used to play santiclaws every Christmas, the kids at Madison, the faculty, everybody loved him. You remember him, don't you, Connie? Of course, Mrs. Davis. He's been coming here every Christmas for years. Here, I'll open this wire and tell you what it says. No, Connie, no. I won't let you open it. Why should you be the one to bring me bad news? I could never again look at you without associating you with Uncle Corky's passing.  I'll do anything to avoid it. Oh, but this is ridiculous, Mrs. Davis. Once I've opened it, you'll see how ridiculous... Today is rent day, Connie. If you leave it unopened, I'll... Well, I won't charge you for this week. Mrs. Davis, I wouldn't open this telegram if you begged me. You promise, Connie? I swear it on this stack of wheat cakes. I know, there's a messenger outside waiting for the immediate reply. I'll ask him to open it. Wait here, Mrs. Davis. Would you come inside a minute, please? Oh, sure. Got the answer, Mrs. Brooks? Not yet. This is Mrs. Davis, Herbie. Mrs. Davis, this is Herbie to Williger. Oh, pleased to meet you. How do you do? Mrs. Davis is a little superstitious about opening telegrams, Herbie. Would you mind? Me? Yes, just open it up, will you? But I can't. That's the first rule I learned in basic training.  We don't want you to monkey with it. Just open it. I'm sorry, Mrs. Brooks, but I can't touch it. Can't we forget about it for now? Forget about it? But what'll I tell my CO? This isn't an immediate reply requested. Can't you just tell him there is no reply? What? Me tell the chief there is no reply? Please, Mrs. Davis. That is tantamount to telling the admiral, sir. There are no boats. Well, I don't care about the admiral. I'm going to have another cup of coffee and think this thing over. I'll put enough on for all of us. All right, Mrs. Davis. Why doesn't she want to open the telegram, Mrs. Brooks? I'm afraid it's sheer superstition with her, Herbie. Oh, pardon me. Well, if it isn't Walter Denton... Hiya, Mrs. Brooks. Come in, Walter. What are you doing up so early on a Saturday? I just came by to see if there are any odd jobs I could do for Mrs. Davis. You know, to pick up a little pin money. Well, I don't know about Mrs. Davis, but I'll give you a few pins if you'll do something for me. Come into the living room, will you? You know I'm your slave, Mrs. Brooks. What is it? You can open the telegram. The telegram? Yes. Brought by Herbie to Williger here when he was a much younger man. Herbie, this is Walter Denton. Glad to know you, I'm sure. Hi, but I don't get it, Mrs. Brooks. Why don't you open it? Because it belongs to Mrs. Davis and she asked me not to. Then why doesn't she? A perfectly natural second question. Because she's afraid it might contain some bad news. Well, I'd like to help you out, Mrs. Brooks, but opening other people's messages is very bad luck. Please, Walter, not you, too. You should have been at the Conklin's house with me this morning. I'd sent Harriet a little note and Mr. Conklin opened it by mistake. It was one of my more amorous epistles. You know, solid goo. His opening it was sure unlucky, though. In what way? Right after he read it, he kicked me down the porch steps. I hate to crash headlong into such a nostalgic moment, but this is getting out of hand. Walter, I insist that you open this wire. Gosh, Mrs. Brooks, if you're going to be upset about it, hand it over. Here you are. Stop. You can't do it, Walter. Hi, Mrs. Davis. What's the trouble? You remember Uncle Corky, don't you? Uncle Corky? Oh, all the old fellow with a beard who plays Santa Claus for us every year. Oh, sure I remember him. How is he? He's left us, Walter. I'm afraid that's what this telegram is about. Really? But if it was about that, wouldn't it have a black border on it? No, Uncle Corky has a white beard. She was a nice old guy. Look, why don't we take this wire over to Harriet to open? She's not afraid of anything. You're right, Walter. Anyone who could live with Mr. Conklin for 16 years must be made of iron. We'll take it over to Harriet. You do nothing of the sort. We'll just let it rest on this table for a while. But how about the answer? It's an immediate... Don't argue, Herbie. Maybe if the telegram rests for a while, Uncle Corky will feel better. Look, starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first, here is Vern Smith. For Bear Skin Beauty, it's bath-sized palm olive with its famous beauty lather. Yes, bath-sized palm olive for loveliness all over. There's something thrillingly new in this wonderful beauty lather of bath-sized palm olive soap. New fragrance, new charm, new allure. See if palm olive in your daily tub or shower doesn't leave your shoulders, arms, and back. Yes, all of you softer and smoother. Completely lovelier all over. You'll thrill to the tender whisper of perfume that leaves on your skin. A whisper that says, come hither to romance. And this new bath-sized palm olive is so big, so thrifty, economical to use because it lasts so long and gives so much soft, lovely lather so fast. That soft, lovely lather with its alluring new fragrance is palm olive soaps alone. Palm olive's famous beauty lather. Yes, a new fragrance, new charm, new allure. That can make every woman a vision of delight in the new revealing fashions that show so much more of you. So remember, for bare-skinned beauty, it's bath-sized palm olive with its famous beauty lather. Yes, bath-sized palm olive for loveliness all over. Get bath-sized palm olive soap tomorrow. Men folk love it too. Well, I finally prevailed upon Mrs. Davis to let me take the telegram over to the conchlands to be opened. When I got to their house, Madison's beloved principal was asleep in a hammock, and Harriet was sitting on the porch steps reading. Hi, Harriet. What's that you're reading? Oh, it's a Western story, Miss Brooks, but please lower your voice. Why, don't you want the Indians to hear? I don't want Daddy to hear you. He's taking a nap on the hammock. I dropped over to ask a favor of you, Harriet. It'll probably sound pretty silly to you, but, well, you know how peculiar Mrs. Davis is sometimes. Of course. I saw this telegram a while ago and simply refuses to open it. She insists that it contains bad news. That is peculiar. I wouldn't mind so much, but it's an immediate reply requested. Oh, Herbie. This is Herbie to Williger, Harriet. Pleased to meet your acquaintance, Miss Conklin. Hello. All I want you to do, Harriet, is to open the wire. Me? But why don't you...? She can't. She promised Mrs. Davis she wouldn't. Oh. Well, then, why don't you...? He can't. First rule of basic training. Not monkey with the messages. Oh, it's all just a lot of superstitious nonsense, Harriet. Here, tear it open and let's get this over with, hmm? Well, if you think it's all right for a stranger to open Mrs. Davis's wire... Stranger? You're no stranger to Uncle Corky, Harriet. As I recall, you're one of his favorite kids here at Madison. Oh, is this wire from Uncle Corky? Mrs. Davis seems to think it's about him, from his next of kin or something. Next of kin? Oh, that dear old gentleman. I'll never forget what a kick he got out of playing Santa Claus at Christmas time. And now he's gone. What is it with that Uncle Corky? The minute you mention his name, people start shoveling. Look, Harriet, all we know is that the telegram comes from Uncle Corky's hometown. You'll just open it now. Well, I'm sorry, Miss Brooks, but I'd rather not. I'm very fond of Mrs. Davis, I don't want to be the one to find out about her, Uncle. Oh, great. What do we do now? This thing is getting bigger than both of us. You're so right, Herbie. But now I really must put my foot down. While you're at it, put your voice down a notch, will you? Mr. Conklin, I didn't know you were away. I wasn't. Now that I am, what is all this about a telegram? It belongs to Mrs. Davis, Mr. Conklin. She won't open it because it concerns her Uncle Corky. Uncle Corky? That old fraud? How can you speak that way? Why, Uncle Corky's the best Santa Claus that Madison ever had. He's a hypocritical old windbag. Time was when I was considered the best Santa Claus Madison ever had. But, Daddy, you said yourself that putting on that big red tummy was a lot of trouble. You'll have more trouble trying to get it off. Uh, look, Mr. Conklin, I'm sorry I disturbed your nap, but if you'll just open this telegram for us... Why should I open it? It makes me mad just to think of that egotistical spotlight-grabbing old foof. What? Don't you see, Daddy? Mrs. Davis is afraid to open the telegram because she thinks it's bad news. About Uncle Foof, uh, Corky. She's afraid that, well, that Uncle Corky will never play Santa again. But what has Mrs. Davis got to... Never play Santa Claus again? You mean she thinks he's... Yes, Daddy. Oh, that poor old gentleman. How well I remember the merry twinkle in his eye. And that rollicking, cheerful voice as he strolled among us. I remember the first time he came to us at Christmas. How artfully he played Chris Kringle. What was it he used to say so cleverly? Oh, yes, yes. Ho, ho, ho. Every word of it, too. There's something I'd like to remind you of, Mr. Conklin. Nobody knows that Uncle Corky has ho, hoed his last ho. So if you'll just open this telegram... Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, Miss Brooks, but I'll have no part of this telegram. Although not addicted to silly superstition, I see no reason to put the whammy on myself. No. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to continue my nap. And if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to lunch. I'm starved. Certainly, my boy, just run along. I'll get a bite at the drugstore and I'll see you back at Mrs. Davis' house, Miss Brooks. All right, Herbie, goodbye. Goodbye, Herbie. Goodbye, Harriet. Goodbye, Mr. Conklin. Goodbye. Now then, Miss Brooks, if you don't mind, I... Who was that? That's the messenger boy, Mr. Conklin. We've been going steady since breakfast. Oh. Well, if it isn't too unreasonable a request, will you and Harriet talk as softly as possible? That is, if you're staying, Miss Brooks. How could I tear myself away from such a charming host? What are we going to do about this wire, Harriet? I wish I knew, Miss Brooks. Wait a minute. Maybe we can read the message without opening it. How? Stick one of our eyes through the little cellophane window? Oh, no. I'll get a candle and hold it up to the back of the envelope. That way you can see what's inside. Well, we might as well try it, Harriet, because if I don't find out what's going on in Springdale soon, I'll absolutely blow my corky. What Springdale's coming to? What kind of a telegraph outfit is this, anyway? Now, now, simmer down, corky. You've already waited two hours for that immediate reply. Another five minutes doesn't matter. It does when you're 87, boy. Are you sure you sent the message exactly as I gave it to you? Well, I'll try and dig up the master copy for you. How come you're making the trip at this time of year, corky? You usually go away around Christmas, don't you? Well, I used to, but never again. I'm always roped into playing sandy claws at my house. During kids brought me up under Christmas tree, yank on my beard, and yet jingle bells my ears.  Well, you won't have to worry about Christmas this trip, corky. You can take advantage of this nice July weather. Play some golf or something. No, not me. I gave up golf a month ago. Why? At my age, I don't feel safe being so close to a hole in the ground. I don't feel safe playing golf. I don't feel safe being so close to a hole in the ground. Bad for my hives. But I'm going to make this vacation of mine a real wing-ding, boy. You know, my niece has a young school teacher living with her, a real looker, what I mean. Hot stuff. Hey, corky? Oh, she's groovy, Jack. Oh, yeah. Here's that wire you send to Mrs. Davis, corky. I'll read it to you, shall I? That'd be just super. I think tonight, please advise if you can put me up. Have one week to live a little and would like to spend it with you. Love, Uncle corky. Can't understand what's holding up the answer. Well, I'm taking the next train regardless. Lay out your best bib and tucker, Bruxy. Here I come, laughing and scratching. A little closer to the candle, Miss Brooks. There. Can you see anything yet? Yes, Harriet. I can make out three words very clearly. What do they say, Miss Brooks? Don't write telegraph. I'm leaving a little closer to the flame. That's too close, Miss Brooks. Look out, the telegram's on fire. Oh, no. Miss Brooks should drop it. Well, under the circumstances, Harriet, I thought it highly advisable. You see, I left my asbestos gloves at the laundromat. Quick, Miss Brooks, step on it. I'm glad I didn't wear my open-toed shoes today. What on earth is all this racket? Oh, it's you. Miss Brooks, you dance divinely. Thank you, Mr. Conklin. This is the step that won me a cup at the fireman's ball. I see. Well, if you're quite finished with your little flame dance, Miss Brooks, I trust that your next step will be a long one in the direction of your home. First, we've got to find out what's in the telegram, or what's left of it. It's from Uncle Corky. So, the hammy old goat's alive after all. What is it, Miss Brooks? Well, some of it's been destroyed, Harriet. What's left says, Arriving tonight, have one week to live. Oh. Poor Uncle Corky. I remember when I last saw him, there was a merry twinkle in his eye, and he was hoping he would live to see one more Christmas. But now he's leaving us. Wait, wait, I have an idea. Uncle Corky will have another Christmas tonight. Christmas in July? Harriet, get ready to do some Christmas shopping. Yes, Daddy. And Miss Brooks, decorate your living room. Get a Christmas tree, artificial snow, bright colored lights. We're going to give Uncle Corky the best Christmas he ever had. Oh, Uncle Corky will simply adore this Christmas tree, Connie. It's a silver fur, isn't it? Yes, it'll match his beard beautifully. I hope the others get here with their Christmas gifts before Uncle Corky arrives. It's already eight o'clock, and they said they'd... What was that? Oh, that's Herbie. He fell asleep on the couch this afternoon, waiting for the immediate reply. Poor Herbie. His CO will think he's gone over the hill. Mrs. Davis, would you plug this in the socket, please? I want to see how the tree looks with the lights on. All right, Connie. There. How does it look? Lovely, Mrs. Davis. Really beautiful. A Christmas tree? Have I been here that long? Never mind the day. What's the month? You fell asleep on the couch. You've only been here 12 hours. 12 hours? Have you got the immediate reply yet? What's your rush? Oh, excuse me. Brooks. Merry Christmas. Ho, ho! A pair of perspiring carolers just strayed in. Carried, dear, and ours good. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho! They'll... they'll drum me out of the service for this. Now the spirit of the Yule Tide is in the air, and what a lovely Christmas tree. And look at those luxuriant pine needles. That's Herbie. He needs a shave. Are they beautiful, Miss Brooks? In two years, I would have been up for a pension. You folks can put your gifts under the tree. Oh, excuse me. Merry Christmas, Miss Brooks. And a happy Easter to you, Walter. Come into the living room. Friends, we've been joined by one of Santa's little helpers. Meh! Oh, it's you, Denton. Look out the window. There's a cab at the curb, and Uncle Corky's getting out of it. Now let's get together on this. To succeed in brightening his remaining days, we've really got to make him believe it's Christmas. Give him that old Yule Tide spirit. We know what to do, Miss Brooks. Just wait till old Corky topples through that door. I left the latch off the door, Connie. Come in, Uncle Corky. Hello, Margaret. I... Let him have it, folks. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle! What about your big oaf? We want you to have one more real Christmas. Christmas? What did I do? Drop into a nest of cuckoos?  Well, then how about getting some of these people out of here and leaving me alone with Miss Brooks? That, Connie, Uncle Corky is fond of you. Oh, that's very touching, Uncle Corky, but isn't this your last week? Might well be, sis, but what a way to go. Turns in just a moment, but first... It's a beautiful luster cream, girl. Tonight, yes, tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Luster cream, world's finest shampoo. No other shampoo in the world gives you K-Dumont's magic blend of secret ingredients plus gentle aniline. Not a soap, not a liquid. Luster cream shampoo leaves hair three ways lovelier. Fragrantly clean, free of loose dandruff, glistening with sheen, soft, manageable. Even in hardest water, luster cream lathers instantly. No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo. So gentle, luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair. Tonight, yes, tonight, try luster cream shampoo. Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. As soon as Mr. Conklin discovered that Uncle Corky wasn't on his last legs, he gathered up his Christmas packages, his daughter Harriet and Walter Denton, and left in a cloud of frustration. Herb to Williger left, too, after I had promised him an immediate reply by the end of the year. After Mrs. Davis had gone to bed, I started for my room. I didn't know you were still up. How about stepping out for a stroll, Brooks? There's a full moon. Why, Errol, what have you been spiking your pablum with? Frankly, Uncle Corky, I'm afraid you're a few minutes too old for me. Too old? Why, don't you know that the longer a man lives, the more he knows about romance? I may be eighty-seven, but I really got the know-how. You may have the know-how, but believe me, you'll still find it tough to get the who-with. And by Pamela Sothe, your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caress-able hair. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Conklin is played by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast are Jerry Hausner and Peter Leeds. Here's a money-saving offer, men. A giant tube and a large tube of Pamela brushless shaving cream for 49 cents. Yes, a 70-cent value for only 49 cents. This offer is made solely to prove you too can get smoother, more comfortable shaves the Pamela brushless way. Just follow directions on the tube and treat your face to wonderful shaves. Yes, for extra shaving comfort, at extra low cost, a brushless bargain. At drug and toilet goods counters, get both giant and large-sized Pamela brushless, a 70-cent value for only 49 cents. For mystery liberally sprinkled with laps, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North Tuesday evening over most of these same stations. And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks, Bob LeMond speaking for CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.


Hollywood, California. Monday, June 1st, 1936. Ladies and gentlemen, we have grand news for you tonight. For the Lux Radio Theater has moved to Hollywood. And here we are in a theater of our very own. The Lux Radio Theater, Hollywood Boulevard, in the motion picture capital of the world. The curtain rises. Lux presents Hollywood. Tonight, the makers of Lux Toilet soap bring you Marlene Dietrich, Clark Gable, Cecil B. DeMille, Jesse Lasky, and other great personalities. Miss Dietrich, Mr. Gable, and an all-star cast will present the romantic melodrama The Legionnaire and the Lady. Our music is under the leadership of Mr. Louis Silvers, who is director of music for the great 20th Century Fox Studios, and winner of the Motion Picture Academy Award for Music. Mr. Silvers, and more good news. We give you, as our Hollywood producer, a man who will not only bring you the greatest plays and players, but the very spirit of Hollywood itself, that outstanding figure of the motion picture world, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. There are two theaters in this town, almost as famous as Hollywood itself. They are Grumman's Chinese and the Carty Circle. Perhaps it's a coincidence that the production of mine opened both of these theaters. The King of Kings raised the curtain that the Chinese, the Valga Boatman, was the first theater ever shown at the Carty Circle, first picture. And tonight, it is my privilege to open the new Hollywood theater, whose audience is greater than any four walls could encompass. The largest theater in the world, the Lux Radio Theater. The stars of our production tonight are Marlene Dietrich and Clark Gable, and the play The Legionnaire and the Lady. Is it possible that the manufacturers of Lux soap asked me to produce this series of programs because of all the deluxe bathtubs that have been seen in my pictures? They should have a soft spot in their hearts for me. But I think the real reason goes back far beyond the recollection of any of us. When William the Conqueror with the Saxons at the Battle of Hastings in 1066, the Blunt de Mil family crest was born. The motto on that crest is, Thy light, my life, which is, of course, in Latin, and reads, Lux to our vita mia. So you see, Lux has been a household word in the de Mil family for 870 years. But producing a program like this is a privilege and an adventure. But truthfully, I'm a little awed at the responsibility. Sitting before me in the Lux Radio Theatre is the most distinguished and perhaps the most critical audience ever assembled in Hollywood. I see a lot of familiar faces. There's Joan Blondel. Gary Cooper. He stars in my next picture, The Plainsman. Stuart Irwin and his lovely wife, June Collier. Al Jolson. Ruby Keeler. There's Franco Tone. And there's our Mayor, Frank L. Shaw of Los Angeles. And I think I see very much. I fed him to the lions the last time I directed him. And now, we ring up the curtain on the play of the evening, the Legionnaire and the Lady, starring Marlene Dietrich and Clark Gable. Al Giers, the land of sun and sand and yellow dunes that slope down to the sea in the harbor of Fort Neha, a French steamship rides at anchor. Near the rail, gazing at the sunlight minarets of the tiny town, stands Amie Jolie, an entertainer from the shabby music halls of Europe. Suddenly, she turns from the rail and speaks to the ship, Stuart. Oh, Stuart. Oui, mademoiselle. Are we going to land soon? In a moment, mademoiselle. There is no pier in Al Giers. The passengers must take a motor launch to the shore. Oh, thank you, Stuart. May I take care of your suitcase, mademoiselle? No, I'll carry it myself. Stuart, may I see you for a moment? Oh, monsieur La Bessière, of course. What can I do for you, monsieur? My valid is a mistake of my luggage. You go in, please, and make arrangements to have it set at the hotel. Of course, monsieur. I will see to what it wants. Mademoiselle, your suitcase.  It is the second time I've dropped it. Here, let me help you pick up your things. Oh, please, don't bother. There's no bother at all. There you are. Merci, monsieur. You're very kind. Why not? Is this your first visit to Al Giers? Yes. I make the trip quite often. Perhaps I can be of some service. I think not, monsieur. I'd be happy to help you. I won't need any help. Well, if you do, you can always reach me at the hotel to pray. I am monsieur La Bessière. Merci, monsieur. But now, will you excuse me? Of course, mademoiselle. Monsieur La Bessière, I have text to you. Stuart, come here. That woman who was standing here. Do you know who she is? Well, I know, monsieur. A voteable actress, probably. A voteable actress? Well, just how do you know that? We carried the memory trip, monsieur. They come to sing and dance in the cafes here. We call them suicide passengers. One-way tickets. They never return. Well, what launch is she booked for? I believe the third, monsieur, and you? Naturally, the third. May I assist you, mademoiselle? Thank you. Well, be careful. That board they call a gang plant isn't very stable. Ah, there we are. There seems to be quite a crowd to greet us. Yes, the usual thing. The natives here meet every boat. Sell you anything from a fez to a bottle of Arabic perfume. That fragrance in the air now. That is not perfume. No, no, that's just the waterfront of Algiers. Shall we get away from here, mademoiselle? If you please. The centre of the town is this way. Would you like to take a carriage with me? No, I'll walk. I haven't far to go. But your suitcase. It is very light, monsieur. No trouble at all. Perhaps I'd better walk with you. The streets aren't very safe down here near the waterfront. I'll be quite safe, monsieur. And look, there are soldiers to protect me. A whole regiment. Yes, the foreign legion. Mostly criminals themselves, so I've heard. Won't you please ride with me? Thank you, monsieur. But I prefer to walk by myself. As you wish, mademoiselle. Here, fatheads. We are back home again. And just because you did a little fighting, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, well, here comes us. The foreign legion. Each man a hero. All towns ours and we're going to rip it wide open. Well, forget it. This time you're going to behave like gentlemen even if it kills you. Yeah, I'm talking to you, legionaire Brown. Legionaire Tom Brown. Step forward here. Well, have you heard what I just said? Yes, sir. What? Well... You weren't listening, were you? No, sir. Why not? Yes, sir. I mean...  Yes, sir. The foreign legion. If you go starting up any trouble among the girls here the way you did the last time, you're going to find yourself in the jug. You get that? Now, go on, get back there in line. Yes, sir. And remember what I said, you guys. Take it easy and act like gentlemen. Company dismissed. Hey, Tom. Oh, hello, Blimey. Oh, say, what's he eating, the sergeant?  Oh, he doesn't worry me. He got away from driving a hack. Say, where are you going tonight? I don't know. After what the sergeant said about behaving like gentlemen, I don't know where to go. Ah, forget it. I know a little Spanish girl in this burden who didn't cook a steak to a turn. What do you say? It suits me if we can find a steak. And this here blasted-eat steak gets cooked right on the cow. Come on, I'll find one. Say, I know this joint from top to bottom. I was here and... Hey, Blimey, wait a minute. Will you look at that? I? What, where? That girl carrying the suitcase. Oh, Blimey. She sure is a looker. Yes, she sure is. I wonder what she's doing in this town. Oh, dance, old girl, I suppose? Yes. Well, maybe I better find out. Yeah, why? I thought we was going for a meal someplace. A little later, Blimey. This is pretty important. Why? Listen, Tom. Come on, Blimey. All right, go ahead and desert me. Lady killer. Oh, is this her? Hello, soldier. You going my way? It depends. Which way are you going? Any way you are. Here, let me carry your suitcase for you. Don't bother. I'll carry it myself. Oh, kind of independent, huh? You mind if I walk along with you? If you want. Well, that's friendly enough. How about stopping off for a drink? I know a little place. I'm sorry, monsieur. I have no time now. Oh, I get it. Okay, sister. There isn't anything I can do for you. There is. You can tell me where's the café Marrakech. The café Marrakech? Oh, sure. It's just across the street. Come on, I'll show you. Thank you, monsieur. You work there? I'm a singer. If you're doing nothing tonight, you might come and hear me. Yeah. Okay. I'll remember that. Well, there you are. It's that door there. Anything else? Nothing. Okay. I'll see you tonight. Is this the café Marrakech? It is. I am Lothin to the proprietor. And I'm Amidjali. Amidjali? Oh, yes. Yes, I have your letter here somewhere. You are ready to work tonight? Of course. Good. Your dressing room is at the end of the hall. Go there and wait for me.  Very well, monsieur. Come in. Tell her how she is back. This is a great night for you. If you make a hit, you can stay here as long as you like. You're very kind, monsieur Lothin to the proprietor. Now, mademoiselle, one word of advice. Pick yourself a protector. It will give you prestige. And always choose an officer in the leisure. The private, here's nobody. Pick the officers. They have the money.  Perfectly. Good. Are you ready to sing now? I will go out to make the announcement. In a moment. Good. They're coming soon enough. This is a good table. Right up in front, among the best.  We're not supposed to be here. Why not? Not with an adjutant in the house. All men scissor sitting over there. See him? Blame if he ain't the old ghost. If he's seen me here, he's probably complained to Lothin to.  Like me. He'd stick a band at my back and laugh doing it. By the presence of the distinguished painter, Mr. Labessiere and my old friend, Adjutant Cesar of the Foreign Leisure. Tonight, we open the program with Mademoiselle Amizoli, a newcomer whom I hope you will receive with your usually discriminating kind. We treat her very kind. Maybe she comes to my lab. Who's the wise guy? Ladies and gentlemen, I take a pleasure in presenting Mademoiselle Amizoli. He's hitting for a sock. Now he's going to get it. Wait, Tom, Tom, come back here. I'll show you how we make love in the Legion. You will like it. Stop it, I say. Stop it. Hey, Gabon, take your hands off that girl. You heard me. Leave her alone. I take no orders from you. Gabon, do what you like. That's all right. How do you like that? There's more where that came from, Gabon. Get up and I'll put you away for keeps. Nice work, Tom. And please, gentlemen, no fighting here. Everyone back to their tables. Francois, throw that Gabon out and keep him out. Everyone, please, back to your tables. Mademoiselle Amizoli will sing later. Ami, go to your dressing room. Orchestra. Orchestra, please.  You never can tell what will happen now. May I say thank you, monsieur. Oh, that's all right. I had a good time myself. Yeti, come into me all right. Come along. Excuse me, monsieur. Here, take this. Oh, she threw you a flower. I know it. You think I'm blind? Hey, she's a little bit of all right. I like her. Your taste is improving. Well, monsieur Latino, my first appearance was not a success. Oh, that is a nothing. A common occurrence here in Algiers. But they have a news. Adjutant Cisar has already asked for the honor of your company. Adjutant Cisar? Who is he? Oh, a very important man high in the foreign legion. And one of my best customers. Tell the adjutant I'll try to oblige him. Good. I'll find the time. Oh. And now, mademoiselle, you must go out there again. And not to sing at this time. This time you sell apples. That is the most important thing. You go around the hall from table to table and sell all you can. 10% is yours and 90% is mine. Oh, you will make a fortune. Give me the basket, monsieur. Good. Here, go now. Would buy an apple? An apple, sir? An apple, sir. Oh, monsieur Labassiere. We meet once more, monsieur. Can I also have an apple? But I have no change for that. I hardly expect that you would have it. You are again very kind. Mademoiselle, may I have the honor of your company after the performance? I'm sorry. I have disposed of the balance of the evening. Some other time, perhaps? Of course. You will excuse me now, please. Apple? An apple, sir? Here, mademoiselle. You wish to buy, sir? Later, perhaps. I am Adjutant Caesar. Oh, yes? I have already spoken to Lotinto concerning you. Sit down. I'm sorry, Adjutant.  I'm very busy now. Some other time, monsieur. But some other time won't do, mademoiselle. I would like your company here and now. Would you? It is a shame, Adjutant, but I must disappoint you. Who will buy an apple? An apple, sir. Yes, she comes down. She's selling apples. Good evening, soldier. Good evening, mademoiselle. Thanks for the flower. Can I offer you an apple, too? Yes, sure. Let me 20 francs, Blimey. Does that make 60, oh, me? Here you are. Take it, mademoiselle. Thank you. Two weeks' pay is a lot of money for an apple. You can have it for nothing, if you like. Oh, no, no, nothing doing. I always pay for what I get. I'd sit down if I were you. Come on.  I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You're very brave, aren't you? Oh, I don't know. Why, do you like brave men? Perhaps. Hey, wait, where are you going? I'm busy now, but later. I'll be out there on the balcony. Okay. I'll see you later. You can smell the desert tonight. Hot, isn't it? Cooler than inside. Expect to stay in Algiers very long? Who knows? They say when a singer comes here to work, she stays forever. I've seen her to work out that way. I beg your pardon. As it is. Good evening, mademoiselle. Good evening, Adilan Cesar. I saw you come out this way, and I gathered that you were no longer very busy. But I am. You see, I invited this gentleman to come out here and sit with me. Oh, I see. Mademoiselle, you are new in Algiers. Perhaps you do not realize that this gentleman, as you call him, is a legionnaire, a private. I choose my company by their looks, not by their medals. Am I to take it then that you prefer his company to mine? Take it as you like, Mr. Thank you. But I'm still the adjacent here. Legionnaire Brown, you will please leave here at once. I'm off duty, sir. I asked you to leave. Did you hear me? Yes, sir. But the lady has asked me to stay. May I remind you that I'm your superior officer? I'm sorry, sir, but I'm going to stay. Very well. Legionnaire Brown, you will report to headquarters in the morning. Report to me. Personally. Very good, sir. Good night, mademoiselle. You shouldn't have done that. I know it. You think being here with me is worth the risk? Sure. If you think so, play some more. I think you'd better go now, soldier. All right, lady. You won't have any trouble getting rid of me. Nothing like independence is there. Well, maybe I am independent with women. You evidently don't think much of women. Well, I'll tell you, lady, it's their fault, not mine. Been in the Legion very long? Almost three years. Three years. It seems like 300. You sound tired of life. Well, I don't know whether I am or not. I was when I joined this outfit. Well, how about you, mademoiselle? Been on the stage very long? Long enough. Tired of it? No. But what in the name of 10,000 corpors did you come to a country like this for anyway? I understand that men are never asked why they enter the foreign legion. That's right. They never asked me. If they had, I wouldn't have told. When I crashed the legion, I did surpassed. There's a foreign legion of women, too. But we have no uniforms, no flags, and no medals when we are brave. No wound stripes when we are hurt. Well, look here. Is there anything I can do to help you? No. I've heard that before. Or do you think you can restore my faith in men? Oh, no, no, no, not me. You got the wrong man for that. Anybody who has faith in me is a sucker. You better go now.  You know, I've told women about everything a man can say. But I'm going to tell you something I've never told a woman before. I wish I'd met you 10 years ago. Good night, and thank you. We pause for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. Marlene Dietrich and Clark Gabel in the Lux Radio Theater's presentation of the legionnaire and the lady continue in just a moment. Meanwhile, we'll give you a glimpse behind the scenes in Hollywood as we take you on a quick tour of the screen capital. First stop in Hollywood, the main casting office of the Metropolitan Mayor's Studio, a seething mass of men and women seeking jobs. We enter as two hopeful young extra girls are talking in the corner. I heard they're casting 25 girls for Joan Crawford's new picture, the gorgeous Huzzy. Think we stand a chance? You bet I do. Well, make sure so sure. Because in this scene, it's your face and shoulders that count. They're casting complexions today. No, it's okay for you, but look at me. I wish my complexion looked as nice as yours. Maybe there is something in the way you take care of it. That business of removing cosmetics thoroughly with Lux Toilet soap. I guess I'm just one of those cosmetic skin girls they talk about. Oh, well, don't worry. Hey, Joan. Oh, wait a minute. They're calling to me. What is it? Okay for you today. Oh, he'll use me in the scene at the Dutch Embassy. Hey, mister, what about my friend? I can't feel good. She got us. I'm sorry. And now a table for two at the fashionable Trocadero. The supper club that is the rendezvous of the stars. You look lovely tonight, darling. Perfectly adorable. Oh, darling. You're just saying that. No, honest. You've got everything that any of those movie stars dancing there have. Especially that knockout of a complexion. Well, darling, maybe you should thank those stars for that. Because I take care of my complexion the same way they do. Well, I don't know about thanking those stars for what you do. But I sure thank my stars for what you are. Every girl needs a lovely complexion. And the movie stars here in Hollywood have shown you how to keep skin lovely. Don't allow dust and dirt, stale rouge and powder to clog the pores. Before you put on fresh makeup during the day, always before you go to bed at night, use lux toilet soap. Marlene Dietrich has Amé Jolie and Clark Gable as legionnaire Tom Brown continue with our play The Legionnaire and the Lady. It has been several hours since Tom told Amé that he wished he had met her 10 years sooner. At foreign legion headquarters, his head reeling from the heat of the tiny office in which he sits, Adjutant Caesar is working at his desk and orderly enters. Adjutant. Yes, what is it? Legionnaire Brown's here. Oh, is he? Tell him to come in. Hey, Mr. Montray. Thanks. Good morning, Adjutant. You asked me to report to you this morning. I have not forgotten. Stand over there. Legionnaire Brown, I think it is hardly necessary to remind you that insubordination is a serious offense. Insubordination? But I was off duty. Off duty or on duty, the word of a superior officer is law.  You are therefore guilty of a breach of conduct and subject to court martial. Report to the sergeant and place yourself under arrest. Yes, sir. Of course, there's nothing personal in this. I mean, you're not just sore about last night or anything. Oh, you forget yourself. No, I don't. You have no reason to court martial me except that you wanted that girl to yourself. And I took her out for money or no. Silence. Silence your foot. You don't scare me with a nickel. Well, a year in prison, mate. You ought to know. What's that? A year in prison. That's short compared to what you were going to serve before you escaped. Are you quite sure you know what you're talking about? I'm talking about a little matter of homicide, murder in Berlin. The murderer's name was César. He got 30 years, but he escaped. It's a funny thing. He looked just like you, Adjutant, without the moustache. He didn't help around you.  Sure, if I wasn't, I wouldn't be in the foreign legion sweating blood for a rat like you. Aren't they? That woman here, Adjutant, the one you sent for. Send her in. This way, mademoiselle. Good morning. Good morning. You wish to see me? If you don't mind. Hello. Oh, are you here too? Yes, sure. You never could tell where you're running to me. For the next few days, we'll know exactly where to run into you. Orderly. Yes, Adjutant? Take this man to the guard house. The guard house? What for? That's the legion's business, mademoiselle. And mine. Take him. All right. Sure, sure. I'm sorry I couldn't stay, mademoiselle. Good morning, Adjutant. What are you going to do with him? That is not the question at the moment, mademoiselle. The question is what are we going to do with you? I don't understand you, Monsieur. No. It is the policy of the legion, mademoiselle, not to interfere in the private affairs of any resident. But when the private affairs of the resident intrude upon the performance of a soldier's duty, we find it necessary to take steps. What steps? Such as asking the person to leave out a jeers. In the future, mademoiselle, will you please act accordingly? That's all. One moment. Last night was my fault. More than the legionnaires. I ask you, too, to be lenient with him. You were not very lenient with me, mademoiselle. Please. There is nothing I can do. Good morning. Good morning. There's the story, Monsieur Labassiere. You said I should come to you if I need it help. I need it now. I think the legionnaire is the one who needs help. Monsieur Labassiere, what will they do to him? I don't know. Personally, I shouldn't care to have Adjutant Caesar as an enemy. I seem to have the unhappy faculty of causing trouble. Where have I go? Oh, nonsense. You know, I carry some weight with Caesar. Possibly I can help you. Every time a man has helped me, there has been a price. What's yours? My price? A smile. I can pay that this year. Where is the legionnaire now? In the guardhouse. I saw him this afternoon. I bribed the guard. Did you tell him you were coming to me? No. He says not to worry. But he'll be out before morning. Perhaps he will. Very well, Sergeant. Legionnaire Brown. Oh, hello, Sergeant. Nice of you to call. Sit down, make yourself comfortable. No ice cracks, you. No ice cracks. There's your pass. You mean I'm getting out of this joint? Yeah, the door's wide open. You can do as you like until seven o'clock in the morning. What's the idea of this? You're leaving for a mouthful pass tomorrow. Oh, no, no, not me. You know I'm beginning to like this town. Tell César I'm not going. Tell him yourself, he's going along this time. Who's going along? You heard what I said. César's going. Oh. Yeah? Yeah. Now go on. Get out of here. Yeah, sure. Sure. So long, Sergeant. And see if you can stay out of here for once in a while. I'll do my best. Tom. Hey, Tom. Hey, Blimey. Blimey, come here. No, I'll be waiting for you outside here. Yeah? Well, don't talk now. Let's get away from here. I? Come on, come on, keep walking. Oh, what's up?  It's the truth. He ain't going to give you a court martial. Oh, no, not Mr. César. He got a better idea than that. I think I'm on to it. He's going to get me out on the desert, face me in the right direction, and put a bullet in my back. Put a bullet in? Oh, the eat's gotcha. You think so? Well, what a Caesar want to plug you for anyway. My old failing, Blimey. I talked right in his beard and told him what was what. You see, I know something about that bird. And now he knows I know it. It's the truth. But he's not going to use me for target practice. I'm through with the army, Blimey. Washed up. I've been looking for the right kind of woman all my life. And I think I've found her. Now, listen here. If you're talking about the mad Rossell of the cafe... That's who, Blimey. Well, you're crazy.  Oh, no, she isn't, Blimey. She's all right. And I'm quitting the army and taking her out of here tonight. You don't say. You ever hear what the penalty is for desertion? There's a hundred ways of dying, brother. And I'm picking my own. Come in. Good evening, mad Rossell. Mr. Beloved, here. Come in. And how are you this evening? I'm well. Thank you. The flowers he sent are wonderful. Not half so wonderful as I should wish. Any news of him? Some. He's not to be caught marshalled, but they are going to transfer him. Oh. Oh, that means he... he will have to leave town. Of course. I see. Do you love him? I don't know. I hope not. Look, I've brought you something. A bracelet. May I put it on you? I can't accept this, Monsieur. It's worth a fortune. Anything of less value would be unworthy of you. I'm sorry, Monsieur, I cannot take it. Well, let me leave it here on the dressing table. If you change your mind. I won't. Has anyone ever told you that I'm a very wealthy man? I've heard so. Does it mean so little to you? In what way, Monsieur? I'd like to take you away from here. Would you? Exactly what do you offer now? The conventional thing? My offer is highly respectable. Marriage. You're a strange man. You find it so strange that I should be fond of you. Must I answer you now? I'd sleep better tonight if you did. Well? I don't think I care to take advantage of your tempting offer. Then you're in love. No. I don't think I am. Supposing you'd never met a certain private in the foreign region. What would your answer have been? It might have been the same. I don't know. Come in. Hello. Yes, I'm sorry to bust in like this, but I'm leaving for the Sahara in the morning, and I just came to say goodbye. Tomorrow? That a short notice, isn't it? I think you two will want to be alone. I understand you're leaving on a rather strenuous journey. I wish you good luck. Thanks. See you later, mademoiselle. See you later. Will you be gone long? When will I see you again? Well, maybe never. Never? Yeah. You see, something tells me I'm not coming back this time. Then you must not go. You know, that's funny, but that's just what I was thinking. I could desert and board a freighter for Europe tonight. Why don't you? I would in a minute if you'd go with me. You really want me to? I really want you to.  I don't know what, but I've been thinking about you every minute since I saw you. Will you come with me? Yes. I'll go with you. Who is it? The girl, Lucinto.  Why are you not outside? In a moment. Wait here for me. I'll be back. Oh, excuse me. I thought I had spent you gone. No, no, not yet. I'm waiting here for mademoiselle. I'll need to come back. Of course. A wonderful girl, isn't she? Oh, you've noticed that, too. Everyone has. But I believe I've fallen a little farther than the rest. Oh, yes? Not that it's done me any good. What do you mean? Refuse you. You offered to marry her? Yes, about ten minutes ago. Here in this room. Oh, I see. She never mentioned that. Why should she?  Funny of Doe. So my lawyers don't even make much difference with mademoisellani. She wouldn't even accept a gift from me. They've braced it there on the dressing table. I left it in the hope that she might change her mind, but I'm sure she won't. I'm afraid I'm fighting a lost cause. You know, that's a laugh, isn't it? I should want to marry her? Oh, no, no, no. I wasn't thinking of that. I was thinking of myself. Legendary Tom Brown. Twenty bucks a month in key. Trying to pull the kind Uncle Act with a girl who could marry a millionaire. You know, I might have known it was too good to be true. Suppose she's in love with you. And suppose she's not. What difference does it make?  Oh, no, not me, Mr. I may be only a buck private in a tin sword army, but I know when to take a walk, and I'm taking one now. Are you sure you're doing the best for her? Hell, it's best for her. Now do me a favor, will you? She'll be coming back here in a minute. When she does, let me talk to her alone. Of course. What are you going to tell her? Well, I don't know yet, but I'll think of something. I'll pick a fight with her. I'll make her so happy. When I make my exit, she'll probably be glad to see me go. Well, do as you think best. Good luck. Was I long? Yes, a little. I was just leaving. Leaving, but I'm not ready yet. I wasn't thinking of you. I'm going alone. Has anything happened? Yeah, lots happened. I've changed my mind, sister. Why? I'm no sucker, lady. Maybe you thought I was, but I'm not. Tom, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, yes, you do. I've been on the level with you and you were with me. But you shouldn't have left me here alone. I saw too much. What did you see? That pretty little diamond bracelet over there on the dressing table. Well... A new acquisition, isn't it? Or are you going to tell me you borrowed it from a girl for it? It was given to me tonight. I haven't accepted it yet. Oh, that's a better one.  It sounds swell. You think that I... I don't have to think. Girls like you don't wear diamonds. And when they do, well, that doesn't go with me. I'm hard-boiled, but not enough for that stuff. A one-man woman is what I want or nothing at all. This time, it's nothing at all. So long, sister. There goes your soldier, mademoiselle. Yes, he didn't desert after all. I beg your pardon? Nothing. Oh, sorry. How straight they march when they go out. Yes, until the heat gets them. It's a bad section they're going to. I wonder how many of them will come back. Are you worried about all of them or just one? What good is it to worry about anything? It was women marching behind the men. Who are they? The women? I would call them the rear guard. How can they keep pace with the men? Well, sometimes they catch up with them and sometimes they don't. Very often when they do, they find their men dead. Those women must be mad. Oh, I don't know. You see, they love their men. Oh, they're even madder than I thought. I don't see what good it does. We only have to get up again. Anyhow, those walking bedsheets can't shoot straight. Oh, no! Well, you'll think different when you get a bullet in your chest. Well, this heats it up to melancholy.  If you don't like this, why won't you quit? I was going to, sorry. But you see, I've turned decent. What? I said I've turned decent. I'm in love. You? That's all right. That is. Hello, Tom. Hey, blimey.  Just come up with a relief. Nearly had me into all that, Tom. It's that blasted machine gun up there on the hill. Sergeant. Sergeant! Yes, sir. Here comes the adjutant, by me. I'm in for something. Have you spotted that machine gun? It's up there someplace, sir. Agent Air Brown. I know that. Agent Air Brown. Yes, sir. Take a man with you and spot that machine gun. If you get close enough, use your hand grenades. It must be destroyed. Yes, sir. I'll go with him, sir. Blimey, are you crazy? Quiet. You can go with him if you want. Thank you, sir. It'll be a real pleasure. Report to me when you get back. Yeah. When and if we get back. Well, I had the right hunch, didn't I? That's too bad, Brown. Yeah. Well? Hey, wait a minute, you. How about there's 10 francs you owe me?  Come on, blimey. Right behind you, Tom. OK, blimey. We'll crawl along this trough and slip over the ridge down there. Right. Well, I'm here to dare making it tough for us. Hey. Look. What? Over there. The Agent. He's laying in beyond that sand dome. This is it, blimey. Here's where I get that bullet in my back. No, you don't. If he makes a move for his gun, I'll let him have it right between the eyes.  There he goes. Put the gun down. Put it down. Put it down. Let me alone. Come on. Come on. Come on. What is it? The Agent. He's been hit. Good. Blimey, I hope he croaks. It'll save me the trouble. He's got it bad, blimey. I hope so. Come on. Come on. Let's get going. Keep low, Tom. They're blasting this hot and heavy. They must have a spotter. Get over there behind that hill, blimey. I'll go up this way. Right into their faces. You're mad. Go ahead. I'll be right back. Come back here, Tom. Come back here. Come back here. Tom. Oh, yeah. Here, blimey. Over here. Oh, did you get it, Tom? Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did, blimey. Where is it, Tommy boy? Where is it? In here. It's got to be all tied up in knots. Tom. Tommy boy. It's all right, blimey. You better get back and leave you here. I don't think you can help me much. Funny. Funny, isn't it? You were glad Czar got it. Saved you the trouble. Looks like I did the same thing for him. Tommy. Tom. Lob blimey. Just a moment, you will hear more of the story of the legionnaire and the lady, co-starring Marlene Dietrich and Clark Gable. Do you know what a casting director is? If you want to get into the movies, he's the man you see. Try to see. He knows the names, faces, abilities and salaries of thousands of players. It is a pleasure to present my friend and associate who has been casting director at the Paramount studio for many years, Mr. Fred Dating. Yes, Mr. DeMille. A casting director has a hard job. Directors are always asking for things like six sets of girls who look like triplets or a cross-eyed man who can keep his eyes crossed in the same way all through the picture. Last year, a director asked me to get two Tahitian girls who could sing, dance and play musical instruments. I had to send all the way to Tahiti for them. And when they finally got here, the picture had been called off, but the girls stayed here. Later on, the same directors started to make a picture in Tahiti, and we had to send those girls to Tahiti for him. But those are the unusual things. Every day, I'm looking for actors and actresses who not only have talent, but who screen well, who have lovely figures, good features and fine complexions. And Mr. DeMille, I think it's fitting on your Lux Radio Theater to emphasize complexions. Your Lux toilet soap means a lot to both the stars and the extras. They must have good complexions. And that's why Lux's toilet soap is the official soap over on the Paramount lot and, in fact, in every other great studio in Hollywood. We return to the Legionnaire and the Lady with Marlena Dietrich as Amé Jolie and Clark Gable as Legionnaire Tom Brown. Several weeks have gone by, and Amé has received no word from the Legionnaire. Convinced that she will never see him again, she has accepted Labessier's offer of marriage. It is the night of their engagement dinner in a room at the Hotel du Pré. Amé Jolie sits by the window, staring into the street. Labessier, receiving no answer to his knock, enters. Amé. Here. Sitting in the dark, let me turn the light. That's better. We've all been waiting for you downstairs, Amé. Have you? I'm sorry. I didn't know. What have you been doing, darling? Sitting here by the window, thinking. About anything in particular, Amé? No. Nothing in particular. You're not at all excited. This is the night of our engagement dinner, or have you forgotten? How could I forget? Everybody's here. I'd dying to meet you. I didn't think they would come. On the contrary. I'm delighted to witness the unconditional surrender of the most exacting bachelor in the world. Are you happy, my dear? Of course. Shall we go down now? Oh, wait. I want to speak to you. Anything wrong? Yes. I have news of your legionnaire. What news? His company returns tonight. That is, what's left of it. You mean... I mean that he's not returning with it. He's been wounded. He's in the hospital at the mouth of Paz. Is he barely hurt? I don't know. They wouldn't tell me that. Then... Then he may be dying. He may be dead by now. Perhaps. I've got to go to him. Amir. Are you in love with him? I've got to see him. Please. Very well. You don't mind? No. You see... I love you, Amir. I'll do anything to make you happy. We'll go together. Thank you. Now, wait here. And I'll order the car. There it is, I believe. The hospital? Yes. You want me to go in with you? No. It will be best if I went alone. Very well, my dear. Good morning, mademoiselle. Something I can do for you? I'm looking for a lady named Tom Brown. Brown? A hospital case? Yes. Let me see. I'm sorry. There's no one by that name on our books. Are you sure? Well, he might be under some other name. Have a look. Thank you. Hey, that's good. I want to see you about that guy that... Well, well, well. You break the mademoiselle from the America's Cafe. Hey, don't you remember me? I'm the top sergeant from the Fifth Regiment. Say, what are you doing down here anyway? I'm looking for Lesionale Tom Brown. Oh, Brown. Oh, you won't find him here. He... he isn't dead. Dead?  They thought he was a goner when they brought him in, and a couple of days later he would turn up the bed post and they wouldn't give him a drink. They let him out a week ago. Is he still in town? Sure, sure he is. He's around the corner at Christine's. But say, are you going to see him? Yes. I'm not to forget that 10 francs he owes me. Miss Christine, what kind of a place is it? It's a cafe.  And when you see a guy with their arms around a guy's shoulder, 10 to 1, that guy will be Brown. Come see your soldier. Wake up. Pay a little attention to me. Oh, go away. Well, you can't just see him busy. Busy. Ah. Carving in the top of the table a name. A-M-Y-J-O-L-L-Y. Amy Jolly. That's the girl's name, eh? Yep. Who is she? I wouldn't do you any good if I told you. You love her very much? Yep. Poor boy. She's your sweetheart, no?   See, all right. You don't have to get mad at me. Hello, soldier. Oh, ma'am. Mind if I sit down? No. No, of course not. Thank you. You gave me a surprise. What are you doing in this part of the world? I heard you were wounded. Yeah? Well, I heal fast. I never felt better in my life. Are, um, are you married yet? No. I heard you were going to marry that rich friend of yours, that lovey-cee air fellow. I am. Are you sure? I don't change my mind. I got it. Well, I wish you all the luck of the world, mademoiselle. Is that all you have to say? Yeah, that's all. Well, that's me. I guess we're pushing off again. Where to? I can't tell, but wherever it is, it will be thirsty March. I better go and get myself a drink. You're not going to say goodbye. We leave it dawn. Come and see us off, will ya? Maybe. This is bad. Come on, mademoiselle. So long, soldier. He's gone, senorita? Yes. You look sad. Why you don't go with him? He doesn't want me. No. He wants no girl. Only one whose name he carved here on the table. See? A-M-Y-J-O-L-L-Y. Imi Jolie. Imi Jolie? He carved that? He thinks so hard all the time. Did you see him? Yes, he's well again. They're moving him on to fight. Shall we go back? Not yet. He's leaving at dawn. I'll wait till then. You want to sit in the car here, Imi, or shall we go back and look for him? I see him now. The company's not marching yet. You want me to call him over? Please. He sees us. He's coming this way. What are you going to say to him? Just goodbye. Hello. How early this morning, mademoiselle? Yes, we came to see you all. How do you do, sir? How do you do? I'm sorry, I can't stay long. My company's ready to march. You're going to be out long? Can't tell. Hey, lady killer! Offer! What do you want? There's a war going on out there. Oh, you're coming or... All right, all right.  Well, here we go. Goodbye, mademoiselle. Goodbye. Goodbye, sir. Good luck, Lisa Nair Brown. Thanks. Well, there he goes. Out into the sun.  I love him. I knew you did. He loves me, too. How do you know? I always knew. Army. The women, the rearguard, they're beginning to follow the men. It hurts me to look at them. Why? Because I want to be one of them. I want to follow, too. You love him that much? I love him that much. They're almost out in the desert now. I'm going after him. You're mad. I won't let you go. You've been so kind to me, but I can't help it. Try to forgive me. Try to understand. I've got to go to him. Army. I must go to him. Darling. I understand. Army. Army, what are you doing out here? I followed you. I will stay with you forever.  Go back. Go back before it's too late. No, I'm going to stay. But you know what it's like out here? It's torture. Nothing but heat and sand and sun. A burning sun that will brush to your body until you scream. I don't care. I'm one of the real art now. One of the women who love their men. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of the legionnaire and the lady as played by Marlena Dietrich and Clark Gable. Before I present our two stars for the curtain call, I'm going to ask an old friend, a pioneer in the motion picture industry to step up on the stage. We were once partners and made our first film, The Squaw Man, together. It's comfortable to have him at my side tonight as I enter the field of radio. Jesse Lasky of Pickford Lasky Productions. Well, Cecil, this great new theater in the Hollywood Boulevard is quite different from the stable where we started The Squaw Man 23 years ago. In the middle of an orange grove. In those days, Jesse, there were trees on Hollywood Boulevard instead of neon signs. A lot of water has run under the bridge since then. Speaking of water, do you remember Jacob Stern? Do you remember we rented the barn from him? Or rather, we rented only half the barn we worked in. Jacob kept his horse in the other half. And every time he washed the buggy, the water ran into our office. Yes. And we had to put our feet in the wastebasket to keep them from getting wet. Yes, I put my last diamond to that picture of ours. Yes, and you put my last diamond too. But it's always stimulating to me, Cecil, to see that in spite of the many changes in Hollywood, the men who started in the picture business with us are now at the top of the heap. You know who I'm thinking of? Adolf Zucker and Samuel Goldwin. The men who were first founded what is now the Great Paramount Company. Yes, there's one good thing, Jesse, about working on the radio. Somebody else puts up the money. And tonight, in case you haven't heard, it's the manufacturer of luck soap. You know, it's a matter of soap. That's one thing that even I will yes you on. Now, Cecil, I want to wish you Godspeed. On this series of programs. It's a pleasure to have been here tonight. And I'm glad this excellent radio show will be broadcast from Hollywood from now on. And now a word about a certain young actor before he steps out on the stage. I want to tell you a little story of him. When I was casting Madame Satan six or seven years ago, I was looking for a villain. Somebody had given my script girl a screen test of a young man, and she kept dinging her life out of me to see it. I asked her if he was a villain. And she said she thought he could do anything. So I looked at it and decided he was not a villain, but that he had definite possibilities. So I showed it to the other executives of the studio. When I asked him about the young man a day or so later, they said he never could succeed in pictures. I asked, why not? They said, his ears are too big. But evidently, evidently those ears were no obstacle to the triumph of Clark Gable. As you stepped out on this stage, Clark, I could hear feminine hearts, something from coast to coast. Well, Stevie, I'm letting that go in one ear and out the other. If your studio will loan you to my studio, Clark, I'd like to direct you in a picture. Well, I hear from everybody who has ever worked for you that it's a great experience if you live through it. Now, my ears are burning. No, no, no. Really, though. It was a great show and a lot of fun where he boiled. And I want to express the gratitude of Miss Diedrich and myself to our all-star-supporting cast tonight, Crawford Kent as La Bessière, Frank Riker as Adjutant Cesar, Walter Kingsford as Blimey, Wally Mer as a Sergeant, Lou Merrill as Low Tinto, and Ines Seabury as a Spanish girl. And thanks also to our fine audience. I want to congratulate Lux on their new theater and on the way they're planning their next week. Two great stars, Mr. William Powell and Miss Myrna Loy, and their famous success, The Thin Man. Good night, Mr. DeBell, and so long, everybody. And here she comes, here she comes as desirable as she was in her picture desire, as beautiful and glamorous as well as only Marlene Dietrich can be. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, Mr. DeMille. We received so many requests, Marlene, that you sing your famous song from the Blue Angel, Falling in Love Again. Will you please? I'd be very glad to. Mr. Frederick Hollander, the composer of the song, will accompany me. Love again, never wanted to What am I to do? I can't help it Love's always been my game Play it how I may I was made that way I can't help it Men cluster to me Like moths around the flame And if their wings burn I'm not to blame Falling never wanted to What am I to do? Love again, never wanted to What am I to do? In my game I was made that way I can't help it Men cluster to me Like moths around the flame And if their wings burn I know I'm not to blame Love again, never wanted to What am I to do? Thank you, Mr. DePille. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your announcer, Melville Rowe. Before Mr. DeMille tells you more about our play for next week, on behalf of our sponsors, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, I want to express appreciation and gratitude to Mr. DeMille and to the great Hollywood studios who cooperated in making this occasion such a splendid success. From Paramount, Miss Dietrich, who will next be seen on the screen in the David O. Selznick Technicolor production of The Garden of Allah, based on the famous novel by Robert Hitchens. Mr. Clark Gable, the Metro Golden Mayor star, came direct to this broadcast from the set of the Warner Cosmopolitan production of Kane and Mabel. He will soon be seen with Jeanette McDonald in MGM's production San Francisco. Mr. Lewis Silvers represents the 20th Century Fox. And to Paramount, our thanks for the loan of our producer Mr. Cecil B. DeMille, whom I know you are eager to hear. Mr. DeMille. Next Monday at the same time, we will present that amusing and exciting play, The Thin Man. I am proud to be able to announce that the two great MGM stars who made such a hit on the screen in this remarkable drama, William Powell and Myrna Loy will play the same roles in the first radio version of it. Next Monday evening, I regret to say I will not be in Hollywood to produce the Lux Radio Theatre play, because I am attending the Paramount Convention in Chicago. In my place, one of Hollywood's distinguished directors, Mr. W. S. Van Dyke, who directed The Thin Man for Metro Golden Mayor, will be guest producer on this hour. But I'll be back the following Monday and every Monday to produce this series of programs for the Lux Radio Theatre. On behalf of all who contributed to this evening's performance, our cast, Mr. Lewis Silvers and his orchestra, our technical staff and our sponsors, I thank you and invite you to be guests of the Lux Radio Theatre again next Monday night, when this program will be presented from the same station. This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood.


G'day mate 40 here So we're at the beach and Australia's detention hotels are all in the news So the world's number one tennis player he got he got into Australia even though He didn't have a valid vaccine Now now there's a great deal of movement to deport him. So just looking at an article here in the Washington Post Tennis star knock of it Novak Djokovic draws renewed attention to Australia's detention hotels So Serbian star Novak Djokovic waits a court ruling whether he can stay in Australia to compete in the Australian Open He's being held in the Park Hotel close to the University of Melbourne And this is a facility to host refugees and asylum seekers and for coronavirus quarantine It's been at the center of protests of the treatment of migrants. These aren't just migrants. These are illegal migrants, right? So I'm not particularly concerned about Australia having detention hotels so Australia denied Djokovic entry to the country. They rejected his case for medical exemption from a coronavirus vaccine requirement I don't have a strong opinion on this is visa drama puts a spotlight on Australia's strict COVID-19 policies as long-standing use of detention hotels some of which have been used for quarantine purposes So I'm not terribly opposed to this. So as Australia has 150th The per capita death rate of the United States. I think that maybe they're strict COVID rules of something to do with that So the Park Hotel where Djokovic is staying is most associated with immigrants seeking visas to remain in Australia Some of whom have stayed in the building for years about 50 refugees are being held now. So they're in Australia illegally So I'm not I'm not bleeding my house not bleeding over them human rights activists have denounced the living conditions in which refugees have been detained Well, they can leave they can leave Australia any time they want so I'm not particularly concerned about these living conditions for people in the country illegally So there have been all these demonstrations outside the facility You know on behalf of people in the country illegally, that's that's crazy So 16 refugees tested positive for coronavirus at the facility. Well, if it's so bad there then leave Australia be glad to give you a flight out So one human right activist says this reckless indifference the lives of refugees. You're not safe in the hotel It's a sealed incubator. They can't open the windows. Well, maybe they shouldn't be in the country illegally Asylum seekers have reported being served maggot infested food Well, pretty much everyone gets served maggot infested food at some point a fire broke out at the park last month Yeah, I wonder who set that So there's a Kurdish immigrant who spent six years Held offshore on the new island followed by 14 months in two hotels in Melbourne He sued the Australian government under the argument that his use of hotels to hold illegal migrants is illegal Like he's not an Australian citizen. He doesn't have any rights here. It's ridiculous that he gets to sue the Australian government The government locked me up illegally. He's in the country illegally. I want my rights back You don't have any rights mate. You're not an Australian citizen non Australians have no rights in Australia just like non Americans have no rights in America So Australia uses hotels for asylum seekers and refugees who are transported to the mainland from offshore detention centers For medical attention. So people coming to Australia illegally and getting medical attention and getting putting up put up in hotels All right, I can't afford hotels I could probably come to four of these type of hotels and they're complaining and suing the Australian government It's ridiculous The whole world is watching as Novak Djokovic is detained at a park hotel prison Well, the reason the world is watching because he's the world's number one tennis player, right? Maybe if you were as equally excellent as him the whole world would be riveted by your situation I was imprisoned there in tiny rooms without fresh air then leave go home. Australia doesn't need you No one deserves this then leave you came here illegally Let's not forget the people that were remain long after Djokovic leaves. Well They don't have to stay Okay, so this hotel where Djokovic has been sent is Holding asylum seekers who've been detained for more than eight years by Australia Well, they can leave at any time. They're not being detained against their will Just being detained in a sense that they're not free to enter Australia So a Serbian president accuses Australia of mistreatment and harassment towards Novak Djokovic Said the whole of Serbia standing behind him. Well, Djokovic shows not to get vaccinated So my heart is not bleeding that he's having a little bit of agro Trying to play in the Australian open So Australia has implemented one of the world's strictest policies to contain the coronavirus Yeah, and Australia also has some of the strictest policies in the world to deal with illegal immigrants You try to come to Australia illegally and you will not call Australia home So Australia strict policies with both immigration and coronavirus seem to have worked out in the best interests Why should Australians saying Australia should be stripped of grand slam status for a few years? Because they're gonna deport Djokovic who's coming to the country legally Djokovic could get vaccinated He just has to get the job. These problems will go away. So my heart does not bleed the Novak Djokovic And did you hear what happened with the Sydney festival? So the Sydney festival is an arts festival here in Sydney And One of the sponsors of the Sydney Arts Festival is the Israeli Embassy. They donated something like 20,000 dollars there's some kind of dance performance at the Sydney Arts Festival that Partnered up with a Tel Aviv dance company and All these Muslims have just you know reacted and other you know Arab supporters so About 30 artists have dropped out of the Sydney Arts Festival because the festival took a donation from the Israeli Embassy I mean that seems extreme. Can you can you imagine any other country? Right if China had donated to the Arts Festival or Sudan or Nigeria or Russia So which job for Djokovic number one number two or number three? Well, as far as I know, he has not received any So he's unwilling to get vaccinated then it seems reasonable to me I don't necessarily support it, but it certainly seems reasonable to to ban him Right, it seems like a reasonable attempt to try to contain the possible damages of Covid infections So anyway Sydney Arts Festival all these artists have dropped out simply because the arts festival took a donation from the Israeli Embassy so it's ironic that Many many Jewish activists and Jewish organizations played a huge role in ending Australia's white Australia policy And as a result of this pro-immigration activism Hundreds of thousands of Muslims Have come to Australia and now they hate Israel does does Djokovic need to get all three I think the requirement is to get two But at some point if the requirement moves to three I can't be terribly upset about that If if if there's strong evidence that three shots provides more protection than two shots And it seems that the evidence points that direction then I don't see that see the problem with that so It's interesting the animus aimed at Israel and the Sydney Arts Festival simply for taking a donation from the Israeli Embassy and so the multicultural Australia that The big Jewish organizations in Australia and the social and political activists have fought for It's now coming back to white Jews in the buttocks And not for the first time