Good afternoon everyone. Good afternoon. What a wonderful crowd and what a beautiful afternoon at the Shadows on the Tesh. My name is Catherine Malone France. I'm the Senior Vice President for Historic Sites at the National Trust for Historic Preservation. As you know many of you I hope the National Trust has been a part of this community for more than 50 years as the owner and the operator of the Shadows on the Tesh. And I'm delighted to be here today and we're honored to have been able to support the incredible production you're about to see with a grant from the National Trust newly created African American Cultural Heritage Action Fund. We're funding projects all over the country that preserve and interpret African American history and culture. Projects just like what you are going to see today that truly bring history to life. And I'm particularly delighted to see so many young people in the crowd today. You know our we are all young at heart. You know our best projects at our National Trust Historic Sites around the country are just like this one in that they have deep local roots but they also have national impacts and long lives. And I know that this one is going to be just that. I'm so grateful to all of our local partners here and some of them will speak in a moment grateful to the staff here at the Shadows on the Tesh. Pat Kale and her wonderful staff to the Bunk Johnson Jazz Festival, the Bunk Johnson Brass Band and many others who have supported this project. You know preservation is not just painting a building or repointing a building it's the work you're going to see today which is about excavating and reclaiming and telling and retelling stories. And that work is incredibly important because I believe that it brings us together and it binds us together and in doing so I think it creates a more united and a more hopeful community and a more united and a more hopeful country. So thank you for being here with us today and with that it's my pleasure to introduce one of our wonderful local partners Judge Porter who is representing the Bunk Johnson Brass, I mean the Bunk Johnson Jazz Festival. Remember it. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Feels good out here. Feels great. It's wonderful to have you thank you all for coming and joining us for this absolutely wonderful opportunity to see Broadway on LA 182. I'm first I'd like to recognize and ask the members of the Board of Directors of the Bunk Johnson Festival to please stand so that you can be noted at this time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  All right. But Dwaylan Jackson who is the band leader is in the play Mona Jackson who's also on the board is in the play as well. So you'll see those guys and you'll see them a second time. We just want to thank the shadows of the National Trust for asking us to be partners and to be with this terrific author and writer and creator and now that I have given her a new name Hurricane Diaz. She is a wonder and a great treasure to not only the shadows in this project but to the world. Thank you. We're still on. Thank you Judge Porter and thank you Catherine. I'm going to be really brief because what I have to say is coming up next. I did want to though just thank the the trust and the shadows for this wonderful opportunity and in particular to thank the Bunk Johnson Jazz Festival board and in particular Judge Porter, Doc Gilbert and Phoebe Hayes who were just my wonderful tour guides and showing me the the beauty and the wonder and the history and the richness and the struggle of this community and I hope we have just begun to do it justice. This is the debut performance so I'm really really delighted to bring it to you just to kind of show you what all of our efforts have brought and also I wanted to thank the many many members of this community who consented to doing interviews with me and sharing your stories, sharing your knowledge, sharing your personal histories and philosophies and I can't I don't have my glasses on so I can't see who you are but if you if you were someone who was interviewed by me would you stand and just because I know Phoebe you you were doing both things at the same time so Judge Porter as well so and I'm just really delighted to have gotten to know Bunk Johnson just a little bit and to bring this work to you and I hope you enjoy it. One last thing if you have a cell phone would you put it on silence because I know you want to take pictures so that's all right but if we don't want to have anybody calling us up and lastly I did want to dedicate this this afternoon's performance to my brilliant beautiful and blessed sister and Saki Shange who just recently passed and she was my mentor and muse and one of my best friends because my other one is my my baby sister Bisa who is we today so thank you very much I hope you enjoy the show testing deacon Roland John Lewis will offer an invocation at this time force please let us begin in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit all that God has created and sustains all the events he guides and all human works that are good and have a good purpose prompt those who believe to praise and bless the Lord with hearts and voices he is the source and origin of every blessing by this celebration today we proclaim our belief that all things work together for the good of those who fear and love God we are sure that in all things we must seek the help of God so that in complete reliance on his will we may in Christ do everything for his glory we offer this prayer today through Christ our Lord in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit just for a night more what harm will it do it's 1949 these are modern times black man can go where he wants we don't save the world for democracy shoot after I cut my record I might buy this joint bunk Johnson back on top we can't just go I invited people used to work here don't mean you can trace around Mr. Weeks won't mind me and him are like this well sort of weeks all here and this is my place the yoke wasn't so welcoming to black today is different we're having a party need to bring some joy up in here Bunk Johnson out of shadows Lazarus rising to walk again among the living you gotta forgive him he don't know he can't help himself yes sir old bunk is back back on track wonder who's coming did you get my letter we all did Bunk Johnson he was a famous musician played with Louis Armstrong that's right what's there when jazz was born that's right sometimes he would wander off and come back wander off and come back from who knows he wrote me a letter once from jail pencil script down to the nib dear period mr. period weeks period on toilet period paper period 10 long sheets I kid you there is almost every word like the words were notes and he was writing out a song 10 sheets of toilet paper long odd it seems to me my yard man starting up all this commotion bump bump bump that negro monster broke me a hun time got a whole basket just for my bum a letter from but was never too small notion get the whole life story chapter my dear kind friend yes I'm glad it's easy to hear from you once more if you ain't good to be in touch with you again are you gonna make good on that promise you made before I'm sorry to disturb your peace with them don't go cops that got me and put me in jail I know my pace past due for a couple of weeks but could you maybe get in advance to make my bail it's a dog gone shame that one of the creators of jazz has to make his living god forgive him mowing the grass I'm nearly out of patience and almost out of cash I've been trying to get with you to put together some good cats for my bed sadly it's true I'm surely overdue been jumping between the pot and the frying pan it's a setup place you said that would be top and bottom because I can't play my trumpet at all tell I got them the doctors told me they cost 175 bucks till I hear from you or pal I'm plumb out of luck oh shucks Big Bill Russell lately of New York I hear from good old Louis but I'm here to tell you that sport if you want to know about jazz or he knows well not quite that's right all his good secrets and how to blow that's right yours truly got the whole story the genesis in all its glory I know every cat that played and every sad take you to the spots yes well the music first got hot and tell you about the greatest players who ever played want to know about a thing called jazz but johnson's got the first word and he's got the last yours too got the whole story the genesis in all its glory I know every cat that played and every sound they ever made to the spots yes where the music first got hot and tell you about the greatest players who ever played and the thing you want to know about a thing but johnson's got the first word and he's got the last I wish you had written just one letter to me a letter say dear never send me one now I want y'all to know that I'm a born again newly minted Catholic took catechism and everything late in life on a count of one marred bauquet here my wife to make an honest woman out of the women I've been living with half my life marred bauquet come and dance with me your number one ending da da da da da da da da da dee look listen da da da dee dee da let's try it over look listen do you see why his name is bump I called it mr. johnson to encourage better behavior what good did that do don't pay no attention to my wife I willy gary bun johnson have not have no small town life. I'm not originally from around here, New Iberian. Seriously? Really?  My band, my story, take a chair. Bunk Johnson out of the shadows. First thing you need to know, I'm a descendant of the Congo. Congo Square, born on Constance Street between Peters and Octavia in uptown New Orleans on the 27th of December, 1879. What? You told me 1889. Draft notice said 82. What difference it make? The data's of no importance. The place, that's what I'm talking about. New Orleans. Jewel of the South, mouth of the Mississippi where all the world met up for one big, juicy kiss. That's what I'm talking about. You got natures, homer, jidamaja, a takapa. Spanish, French, German, Italian, and Dutch. Zulu, Congo, Akang, Tutsi, and Tuar. And don't forget that you're above. Patience, patience, Panamanians, Jakes, cowpulks, Arocanians, Catholics, Baptists, Muslims, and Jews with a touch of the blue.  You might knock a top on the street party. Nice and nasty, the music. Come from where? Come from the growing. Tender ass, the tenderloin, birthplace of the funky. But one half swagger, one half strut. That's what I'm talking about. My hometown, the Jewel of the South. Sweet, sweet, back in New Orleans. Shiny, black, honest of a thing. The music played from dawn to dawn. Hold on to this place where jazz could be born. Around them tumble of pure sin and sound. Talking about sweet, sweet, back in New Orleans. Shiny, black, honest of a thing. The music played from dawn to dawn. Hold on to this place where jazz could be born. Around them tumble of pure sin and sound. Boys wear miles of- One big hill who can clear a whole field. Running from night riders in their dreams. I'm awake. To three parts, heaven and five portels.  Of a sad, sad story to tell. I got a fuel. You better bring something to sell. Something to sell. I'm broke. With these dudes. Them knacks on your shoes. No, it ain't. From the dust tracks on your shoes. Teresa's food wagons. Bread beans and rice, cabbage and cornbread. With pure cane syrup and a cup. Brothers and sisters, and we weren't living poor. The Longshoremen and men with them big cotton screws. Everybody knew her. Facing an old sturd event where the grain was loaded.  That's how I hooked up with Buddy Bolden. Charles Bolden, first name Buddy. Boy was he the king. First heard him in 95, playing in Lincoln Park. My feet been following ever since. Brother man, this imprint. Life ain't been the same since. That faithful day. I heard Bolden play. I will stand standing right beside the man. I'm talking about Buddy Bolden. He was a shining star. No one could hold a candle to him. I was there. You just got to take my word. He was the greatest trumpeter that you ever heard. That horn sing. Boy, oh boy, I'm never gonna forget this. The greatest trumpet player you ever heard. Hey mama Teresa, what you got there? We got red beans and rice, but it's two cabbage and a cup of syrup. You know that's the fish.  Listen up, man. Everybody read on the king. Provisin' on a melody from four flats, from F sharp to B. Bent notes all up in his head just dancin'. And in the old key, fast and furious fingering. As crazy as it was loud. Everywhere he went, that cat would y'all cry. Say, down beat on the floor. Making you move till everybody was on their feet. Dancing to the groove from up, time to down. Blastin' his way to a new world of sound. Tell everything that went before. Stumped into the ground. Down beat on the floor. Making you move till everybody was on their feet. Dancing to the groove from up, time to down. Blastin' his way to a new world of sound. Tell everything that went before. Stumped into the ground.  You ready? He didn't know I had been going around getting the boys to teach me. I told him I couldn't read, and we'll get him to play the parts and then run home to practice. Easy for that head music. But was I ready? Ain't nothin' worse than a man that gets cut from the bandstand.  Will he rise to the occasion or disappoint? My test would come at Victor Woz. Join over on Rampart Street. You can come in on a break. Give you a chance to get rid of those shakes. Three balloons, boys. And he started playin' that pure execution. Pure pitch tone that pierced your ear.  I'm a dead man, walkin' the slaughter. So I stepped in the center of the bandstand. Everybody lookin' at me. Is the young blood gonna be a man? Everybody lookin' to see. Will he hold up or leave with his hat in his hand? What you think it's gonna be? But he stepped up, just eggin' me. You wanna play with the king? Let's be able to sing. You who falls down, stays down. Keep up a dime, my old mind. The crowd drew closer and close, makin' bets as they was drinkin'. Buddy boatin', spittin' our notes. Faster than I was thinkin' them. That's when the dows begin to creep and I became forlorn. How can I compete with boldin' on the horn? But then it popped into my head right out of the blue that day. The best thing that I can do instead was stay out of his way, countering his melody with a sweet tone and underplay. And find all the notes around him and play the Bung Johnson way. All the way. Buddy, buddy, buddy. Buddy, buddy, buddy. Look at that young black girl. My shirt was wet, clear through, but I had my first jazz gig. My cheeks were sore, my lips were blue, but I was one smilein' jig. Baby boy, I ain't know you could play like that. You sound like licorice, sweet. You play the horn like a clarinet, melodic and complex, and that tone, makes me feel like I'm in heaven. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? we swing. All in the streets. Even the police horses were prance. Whole world just be dancing. Second line just dance. It was Buddy Bowden that gave me my first chance. New Orleans. Whenever we would play, even death took a holiday. New Orleans. Parades, picnics, dance halls and Jews. The women's suite after the cat is cool and the blues be hot. Cutting contests to the death. Killing you with the music. All over the city. We were the cats. Kids would follow us everywhere trying to carry our hats. Come on sport. Let's go head over to Lulu. Lulu's my Hogginny hog. Women of all variety to please a man. All color of Jews in the night. In the lights of St. Louis. Only place you get three shots. Shot downstairs. Shot upstairs. And shot through.  Three at a time. Keep up young blood. You forget I play from behind. I'll be there when you get to the phone. Just leave the door open. That was this kid named Louis.  Begging on the streets. He's the stuff pennies in his mouth to keep the kids from stealing. Quit stealing my intimate fun with the people man. Nobody asked you to do that. Louis Armstrong locked up in the warf's home on the counter him firing a gun on New Year's Eve. Come on bump. Come on man. Throw me a phone. Let me be your sauté dog. He would steal away from the home and follow me. Started after me to show him how to blow the coronet. When he heard the band would not be playing. I'ma let you carry it. Hold it like it belonged to Gabriel. I would let him carry it and school him a little on the side. See the only man who succeed on this horn play around the beat. Hesitating. Getting behind the pulse. Creating suspense. Anticipation of the next note. And a handkerchief around a piston to shield the finger. You know a handkerchief around a piston to keep the gig stealers from stealing. You want to hide your secrets? Use a handkerchief. Now you know that don't even sound right. Hello cats. Old satchamo speaking. But this time just drive as I see it. Diego Tony's at Perdido. Louis was standing behind the piano and fooling around with my old coronet. I showed him how to hold it and place it to his mouth. This is how you play the blues. The blues is fundamental to all things. His early recordings all those licks Louis Armstrong loved from me. Living only in the melody now in the story. He has my style. My tone. My vibrato. He said. He said. That negro sat right beside me and couldn't play a lick. Had to hum the tune alongside. I'm not saying ain't a bit of it a few. But the bigger part he. I'm descended from Congo royalty. Nobody can take advantage of me. Louis wasn't the only one I brought up. I brought up sitting in Pushey. Had to go to his mama's house and ask her if he could play. Some of those Negroes New Orleans guys I grew up with. The old shuffling alone. Can't remember nothing.  Whiskey heads. All dead. But bump. Bump. Now there was a musician had the most beautiful tone. The best imagination and the softest phrasing of any trumpet player in New Orleans. George spot of the world. Maybe I'll throw him a bone. All over the city we were the cats. Kids would follow us everywhere trying to carry our hats. Say buddy. Going over the span of semester with Jelly Roll. Crazy Creole piano player. Jimmy Parker on the drums. Let's go over there and give him a touch. Done found out since Mr. Plessy.  Still. Jelly Roll. Do play some stride. Got a finger reach I hear about a mile wide. Crescent City. Bars. Hunky Tunks. Dance halls. Bearer houses. Upright pianos. Prompt up against the wall. King folding. Hey buddy. But it was a looker. Made me want to stand next to him. Catch the afterglow. I wasn't so pretty as buddy, you know. But I have my attributes. People say I had hush puppet eyes and a million dollar smile, but buddy, buddy, buddy. Now there go a pretty man. Chocolate brown skin. That sort of Creole nose or Indian tall and slender chocolate man. King of a chocolate city. A terror with the ladies. Everybody trying to get with me. Hey buddy. You got to understand. You got to understand. A blues cat got to look sharp. Can't even know where that hat is. Hatty Rogers. Colored sporting house. We play a little. Then play a little. The sickness of the sporting house. Some say that's what got him. Done failed many. Walker and my good friend. Buddy folding. Man. Most popular band in town. Hands down. The king. But all kings fall down. Greatest ragtime trumpet player could execute like hell and play in any key. He had a music too much. They say it was the drink, the glee maybe. All them women, three parts hell, five parts heaven. Louisiana State Hospital by 1907. Howling mad. Jazz is like taking a voyage on a vast ocean of sound. You got to have your compass, your melody to go by or you just get lost. Lost his mind. Lost his speech, stuttering words, jumping at things. I've seen the signs. Too brilliant to stay shining. The music could be a demon sometime. Driving. Mr. Johnson. Jazz ain't nothing but the blues with rhythm. Rhythm and blues. New Orleans. Sweet. Bitter. Sweet home. The city of my youth and dreams. Well, how'd you end up in New Iberia then? Well, if you must know, I'ma tell your story. It starts with a woman as stories often do. Starts with a woman. And don't you know, ends up with the blues. It hurts so bad I don't get around much anymore. Trouble. Standing with her arms crossed right at the door. How I came to New Iberia. Lord, Lord. Well, now there's a story I asked myself. I was, it was 26, no, seven. A great flood swept over the land. I was staying with my sister. Again. After you know the accident. Well, you can call it my daughter in accident. Her name is Emily. No need to be loud about it. Anyway, I was staying with her again over in Lake Charles on account of my husband's people lived over there and New Iberia where we had been living at was under water. I was so glad not to be knee deep in mud and walking on dry land for once. I put on my favorite black satin skirt, polka dot blouse, patent leather pumps and my hat with a feather in it and went out. Sis was waiting table. It was my husband Candice joint. So I got me in for free right up front. We come in, black women sitting together sound like birds. So probably no waves of laughter. Really? You want some? Where'd you find that hat? You think you look all right? And then some. When you get married, sister, I am through having this conversation. Obviously not tonight. On second thought, I take that back. I was playing with Tony Bob and then everything was flooded from Memphis to Lake Pontchartron for Tony's gig came through. I was working for an undertaking in Texas. Times like this got fine work where you can. Lake Charles. The most human city in the contiguous United States. I didn't need no handkerchief. I needed a mop. So you know, we come in setting up and whatnot. Candidix's place and say, come on over and meet my wife, sister. I see this beautiful brown skinned gal and polka dots and a feather in her hat. You know what happened after that? We know how it is. This how it began. Fill the breeze or skip in the stone, hear the birds, then kissing the girl, taking it ease or taking a stroll, each single word like it's a pearl sitting close up under the trees by a stream, just walking along, standing inside her mirror, Lee whistling her favorite song. Fill the breeze or skip in the stone, hear the birds, then kissing the girl, taking it ease or taking a stroll, each single word like it's a pearl sitting close whistling under the trees and then before not too long, steady wondering while you start singing, I'm settling down. The sky turned blue and the sun did shine. And so I said, oh baby, will you be mine? She said, oh no, I already know about your kind. Just tell me the truth. No use to lie. And so the sky turned blue and the sun did shine. And so I said, oh baby, will you be mine? Just tell me this for I know to speak my mind. You're looking for a good woman or just a good time. Ma, he's a musician. Mud track's just gonna drag you down. I'd rather listen to my heart than to you. Besides, I think he's cute. He does have a very nice smile. Child, if you know what's good for you, I'm nobody's child. I know my own mind. Mark my words. You ain't never gonna get him to say I do. Then they all there is to life, being a wife. Cook for myself, independent, make my own sauce. I can make rice. I have a daughter, independent. That right. Her name's Emily. Guess that makes us three. So when the waters went down, we were family. And New Iberia was my new hometown. New it was like New Orleans and many, you know, like golf. But seriously, after buddy and watching that fast life up close, breathe the air, see the sunrise, wandering off the path a bit. But I can do this. Me and miss life was good.  You couldn't ask for better than that. Evan Thomas was mean. If Buddy was the king, Evan was an archbishop or something. Evan Thomas was the loudest dog on horn you ever heard. Couldn't read for nothing, but he could play. Boy, could he play. You can hear that horn from a mile away. Even next time over. He used to sit up in the store windows of the truth friends hall going from window to window playing to the joint be so full room couldn't hold no more inside and out. Crowd carried him round on their shoulders. I couldn't play to that extreme, but nobody played like bunk. But me bunk the cool bunk the wise knew how to read how to count how to improvise didn't go in for no highs and lows stayed in the middle and work that tone. Louis has my style. We took a little house shotgun a shack over to school alley. We were a family bunk my Emily and me see from the beginning he treated my daughter like she was his own. We were making ourselves a home. Wasn't exactly having but was making a decent living. What's making a decent living playing the area traveling round town to town left at the Texas and then we come to rain rain rain after rain rain rain things were the same. When I rolled out the town of rain I said I never want to see that place again. Rain Louisiana 1932. Give it up ladies and gentlemen. Evan calls out I'll be glad when you're gone you rascal you a one a two a one two now I'll be glad when you're dead you rascal you I'll be glad when you're dead you rascal you well I'll let you in my home and you wouldn't leave my woman alone I'll be glad when you're dead you rascal you John Gilley just out of parchment coming to seize Evan on the bandstand with his back turn now Evan had been messing with his woman right out in the open middle of the stump Gilley jumps up middle of the stump the place was packed Gilley jumps up like a maniac let go my clothes somebody gonna open your nose you've been fooling around all right I'm sure it'll take your life now I'll be glad when you die you rascal you uh huh you sure gonna be dead when I get through you'll be lying down six feet deep or hanging from a tree I'll be glad when you're dead you rascal you oh yeah Gilley shot it out from the jump stand from the he stabbed Evan twice in the back in three times in the hand Evan stumbled and tumbled back in the whole joint scrambled Gilley went berserk and turned the place to shambles nice still bloody in his hand he ran after Evan as Evan ran you've been fooling around my wife can't do that to a man I'll be glad when you're dead you rascal you you know you know me wrong mess up my happy mom I believe you hang in a tree ship your body a cov I'll be glad when you're dead you rascal you Evan knew himself wasn't no small man does between little George Lewis and my music stand I got knocked back in my chest and my trumpet flew in the air Gilley reached right over my shoulder and slices Evan threw blood spurting all over my shirt like a moat nice still bloody in his hand he ran after Evan Thomas after Evan ran you've been fooling around my wife I'm sure gonna take your life Evan somehow made it to the front of the club trying to get out but the dog on door opened up instead instead of swinging out and the people were so crowd inside he couldn't get it open so Gilley run up behind us down again we all trying to get out trying to run when Gilley just got out of parchment pulls out a gun folks man flying like crows have to join out the window Evan ran about a block and then died on the steps of the church a man's pride somebody tell me how much does that work Gilley's wife was a beautiful woman I don't know if she didn't have something to do with her father getting killed because she was one of those movable women a lot of blood spilled it was in rain that old bastard Gilley came in with a knife and murdered my old friend oh oh oh the night that Evan Thomas died in a time of rain never know never wanted to see a night like that again when I rolled out the town of rain I said I never want to see that place again John Gilley killed a few people there killed a cop got away didn't they shot him but not before he had got a few of them and Evan Evan had an ear in the tone and for range and power no comparison man he can play his horn so high above the staff you could swing it on the star as for myself head first out the window knock down cold he heard a terrible crash came to him realized it was me woke up the next day missing all his front teeth by the ones just leaning on each other like they was drunk couples dancing look at you wouldn't be playing no more trumpet busted my teeth scattered on the floor where would I go what could I do what kind of man was I didn't anyone want to ask that what kind of man think of life like a series of chords arpeggios try to rice harvest then came grinding they call it grinding season grinding season New Orleans is sadly not at the fuck you but New Iberia is a buck 75 a day conch shell wake up roll out 5 a.m no thank you I decided he decided to drive a truck or a tractor made up his mind to work hard till he died I've been trying to get 150 bucks for three whole years can't make that kind of money nowhere yet ain't got no other way but to put his shoulder to the wheel nose to the ground plow to stone he put his music down for good never felt so alone so wrapped up in this pain he couldn't even see me but thicker than it say even without a ring not so pretty no more but don't worry I'm not gonna leave you what would that make me piece of string tied for a bridge nursing him notes came out like brittle broken cracked not the same man lost his smile and his joy he's just an old drunk say he taught Louis Armstrong lend me some money hold my horn whiskey from a mason jar that's the trouble with the blues to play the music good the feeling has to be with students hard losing the party itself I didn't realize so I lost my teeth you been tested for what how am I supposed to what am I supposed to do without my horn nothing but a old drunk I know Louis Armstrong and your dreams old man who you calling him he got so bad he didn't want to do nothing Hopkins in Persian Compton LaBose general store you forgot your coke coca cola I forgot you a coke person what you say bunk my cell above I want to pawn my horn some guy coming from New York say you got a customer here I gotta catch a train I came all the way down man I come all the way down here to get my suits you mean you're gonna make me wait for a fella pointing some piece of junk some old bunk right at this moment he's my favorite customer afternoon monsignor boo miss daughter I'll be right with you what you're saying I want to pawn my instrument I got a lady up in same one bill oh they grow them up there now which one is it today silver I'll go bunk you're drinking too much shoot my cell above drinking is an evocation drinking is big down here my cell above what you got pretty funny I don't know miss daughter what you're having mind black dot what you got to make me dazzle I was told you might have something I liked oh that's nice don't forget more a woman of imagination and in the ought to get as she was easy on the y'all name of black dot she was something else miss black dot she was something else serving gentlemen of influence and well nation we are if she was perfect she'd be top shelf like an hour glass bottle you keep off of yourself miss black dot she was something else when you're gonna start playing again leave me alone woman that you can tell me how to get a new set of teeth field hand share crop tie to the land you got you a talent bump where's your ambition so you had a good year but you come up short you need to make you a new plan sport let's give it all all you got to give that's some free have a little faith in the face of it go on home bunk where is that it was all in his mind hopkins in perishing sometimes he pawns something leave it forget who he was wait wait wait what the some folks tussling a bit two whores over from hopkins street mr hall and his man picking them up yellow convertible who got that kind of corsage you I drive a Cadillac baby that's a caron delay and that's mr weeks who weeks hall from the shadows the what an old plantation now sitting in the middle of town shadows on the tesh the what tesh means snake old indian name for the bayou your wife's people from there uptown dixon's ck steta x the wilts and the dixon families work for week hauls since slave time he don't hire from nothing but them old families he particular peculiar you gotta know somebody no no no I won't oh come on maude you rather me work for the mud supply or the feed store I don't like going up there never been up there don't like thinking about it better just left that all behind who want to remember them days I rather remember than do I won't go up there I won't lower myself to ask them for nothing I just won't do it just telling me my wife so I can get a job baby oh you now you want me to be your wife will you need something I'm not going around with you like this over and over again you could help me get a job but not I want a church wedding upright and proper catholic father edward says you must furgo the mason and that music shoot that's the only thing I've been trying to get back to to go all these dog on jobs that's the fact of it if that's the price I can't be no catholic why you need somebody to sanctify what we got we're not even throwing my lot in you isn't that enough it's what people do it's a sign you love somebody love you don't think I love you food on the table money in the box roof of your head that's not proof treated your daughter like my own call this dog on swap of a town my home isn't that enough you want to talk about love in a back of an alley one small room and a kitchen always always bitching and you just itching to get free how was that um that's what a god woman you could be the death of me to hell with you you hear me I'm not going up there I'm not doing it so walking two by two first day on the job the interview it's really not a mansion but it does have a grand air don't you think I'm hoping it could be saved in that when the time comes I can donate it to somewhere to preserve for posterity the way the south used to be this is my hope no joke back stairs for the slaves brought ones for the white folks he and his head man Clem showing off the homestead wait are those antlers on his head 1819 10 000 acres land grant from my brother Byron Caron delay the bricks fired from our own red clay cypress beams from the swamp right back out yonder by how many hundred slaves I wonder the manicured lawn you've got to keep green all the sedges all neatly trimmed they'll go out if you let them tanning in the morning two chains to the wind man this is a kind of weird scene something wrong with him I am my mother's only child a late bloom to the vine when she was 43 and my papa 59 she used to put pills on my tongue to control my my my stammer name me weeks after some distant progenitor after I suppose into present air to a bankrupt life did you know louisiana went from being the richest state in the nation to being the poorest overnight overnight he means the civil war all right the war between the states the great rebellion my great grandma mary what a hellion when the union attack she retreated to the attic and refused to come back down I believe she's still up there hanging around she's buried in the limestone grave right over there by the shade tree I hope to lie beside her when the time comes the last sign of a vanquished good kingdom home sweet home build a sweet sugar juice black sweat blood and bones let it be understood that there's a purpose no matter how accidental it may look everything must be assessed for habits situations some shade colored bruma oh hell the aspartis are not doing well we'll have to tend to them soon highest three men the bamboo wedges strands of barbed wire hitting the hinges nothing means more to me than this garden aboard the modern world's loud intrusion in fast-changing world air plastic seclusion from what the south the way it used to be my expecting called slavery this is my home and it is not an exhibit although all kinds of famous people have come down to visit there was a great filmmaker d dunkey griffin his uh birth of a nation re-vote history gorgeous he raved I've never seen anything like it divine Rockefeller once gave my sister Sue a dime Walt Disney mickey mouse uncle remiss songs of the south may west said she said if weeks you can have a house and a friend you're the best Henry Miller that writer whose novels got banned weeks you're living and breathing in your own masterpiece I am I have a famous door full of all their signatures the most prominent of persons cloaked in time if you weren't famous enough he'd erase your name when you moan the grass be careful of my rabbits and my poor mac poor mac my car and my spot dog if you work for me see clemmie's got all the keys you don't come in the house just work the odd okie dokie poor mac poor mac come along spot here boy where's that dog gone dog where are you at mr hall don't tolerate no lounging about you work the whole day or you don't get paid yeah well it's a dog life uh mr hall want to see you over by the summer house yeah okay that was the spot where they go by the gazebo to shoot the breeze if you could have heard me back in the day you know that I bug johnson new music I played with bold and the king and blew off the roof taught joe oliver buddy pettit chris kelly and young lootu all over story there we roam playing a music that only we own pursuing my art mastering it focused I failed in all other human devils or enterprise love family children and power loneliness isn't the worst of things not being able to work is worse I've got to preserve some beauty my house the story are open to you shadows on the test looking over to buy you he drink absence sometimes come on mr hall let's go get you washed up and put the bed the story I wanted to tell you I I wanted I want to show you the beauty of the old south it's glory I never treated a black man with disrespect it's the only place where a nigga isn't treated like one come on mr mr hall all my boys tell you every one of in that right limb mr hall let's get to bed everyone of them how many I wonder I hear him sometime how many how many how many in the shape of a hand where we swam across the water trying to see her again the imprint of a hill dug into the veins where she slept when she learned he was so like teeth from the mouth of an old man I have to get to the head yet in the shape of the tree and I'm surprised and left overs you're breaking home food can't you see I'm busy what to do something done stole my heart and left me with you won't you do me a favor and tell me this just who is this you left me with took my love like stock and barrel to the store to see what else you can hide or put a full on I said he took it all to feed the drinking Jones I nearly lost my mind we're just about everything I own be broke with a broken heart and oh what to do something done stole my heart and left me with you and tell me this just who is this like stock and barrel to the store to see what else you can hide or put a full on I said he took it all to feed the drinking Jones I nearly lost my mind we're just about everything I own be broke with a broken heart and that's right everybody in the sitting on the song that's right that's right hey my goodness the postman delivered an enclosed letter known to all a musician from New Orleans from where she came pulled by the name of bump address unknown somewhere in New Ideria excuse me Lewis Armstrong sent me looking for an original jazz cat of Bunk Johnson would you happen to know but the yacht man some white dude shows up tall as a stork derby hat the name with will Russell I'm writing a book on jazz the first official recounting I want to chronicle how it came to pass he over there mourn the grass and that's how Bunk Johnson got a new horn a new outlook and new teeth for city tour after 10 years back on track with a new set of choppers courtesy of y'all's truly so famous he acts like he doesn't even know me now come on Mr. Johnson Louis okay he got you your teeth yeah yeah yeah not the way he promised or win and and they don't quite fit you're smiling ain't you oh come on woman you're gonna give me grief all night I might Bunk's not my name you need to quit complaining handsome as you ever was the Lord has looked down on you and given you a second chance smile you ain't smiled in 10 years Louis says you know all the history all the history and then some time to make some new time to show the world for all to see what you gonna do May 17th 1942 it was a real and great pleasure to me when the express man brought that fine Selma trumpet and I can really go on my knees now I am only a real young man and at 62 years old I think the good Lord can make me have another 62 years now that is my prayer every note every night can you imagine my surprise when late one balmy night back at the shadows old Bunk showed up he extended his hand to show me his new set of teeth wrapped in tissue they don't quite fit but at least I got my lip we walked on down to the bay to the water's edge and then Bunk played me a solo a solo by the tesh 42 Bunk took out his horn from the case and rubbed it the finish till it shone held it up for inspection and stepped upon a stone like he was stepping to a throne he whipped the valves and I could not believe my ears Mr. Johnson hadn't played like that Maude how long we've been together this is courtship breaker maker revival we did that three or four times out of those 20 years we've been living together off and on maybe six years all together make it seven that sounds better excuse me for taking so long to write looking to hear from you real soon and also the bills which came to me in the time of need as I know that you understand our conditions here at home and with the help of the good Lord Bunk is up and sitting around doing real fine is the report of the doctor since when the blood's going up to 200 where's the periods don't start with me Mr. Johnson don't nobody need a period after every word and put your glasses on you know you supposed to wear them all the time we have to be at the doctor's office up in Lafayette I'm gonna get my sister to drive us this win I don't want your old sister around I don't need no doctor I'm feeling good hamming my horn I want to work my fingers you need to work your fingers on this typewriter so I can get some of this housework done Emily's coming from school look at this mess I can't get to my business for all of your copious correspondence period he just gonna want to keep me to see if you keep as good as you're feeling check up on your blood you know so he'll know I'll let you know Maude what Maude maybe we should get married oh quit talking nonsense no listen listen look I want you to be taken care of and where you think you're going you are young man so you keep telling me no list list look look Maude okay woman I've been living with more than half my life will you be my wife you're delirious let me check your purse I'm serious come on now we don't need no minister we can go down to city hall to register I want to take care of you the way you took care of me want to make sure you get my pay when it come and my royalties and Maude when I was down and at my worst you only saw the best Western Union I'd like to send a telegram please December 5th 1948 stop to William Russell stop Kanto Missouri period got no right to ask but it just come to me I've got no song without your melody and now it's late but I know this much is true I'm a shadow of myself without you Bunk Johnson is worse period we'll let you know what happens next Maude Mr. Johnson Mr. Johnson Bunk should be a happy story like Louie when he smiles the music is one brashy brash resistance cry a cosmic symphony cane silk tie pressed wing collar a butterfly wide lapel suit dark wool store bought proper ears so big they stand out like two cornucorpios ready to gather up all the sound horns of plenty gotta get it all in your head and let it dance round bristly eyebrows of rats gallant my music man second trumpet to the best Bolton Evan Armstrong took the lead only late in life that's what you hear on the records but was that his best when he was playing second when he can stretch out and be free when he could dance around the melody never a power player always for this played with first and last played with the best always slightly behind the beat he gave me a solo performance bought five dollars to get home I sometimes think he was uh indifferent to success that he would have been happier with the part-time job mowing lawns are you someone important how would you like to sign my door a friend of Bunk Johnson oh the silence of it all not the bunk I knew just two cars in the procession the music man laid to rest and complete silence he needs a song a song something something they said see it's a diversion of Zion can we sing the songs of our Lord while captive in a foreign land while captive in this far away get you drew may I forget the skill of my unclean to the roof of my mouth if I do not uphold my the children of Edom who said raised the foundation there who ought to be destroyed happy shall he be that regarded thee as thou hast served us happy shall he be that's just like children against the stones that's what the psalms say happy is still is the one who remembers our song


So the other night I'm watching a show on Netflix called Love on the Spectrum and if you haven't seen this show I think it's really interesting how it will illustrate something about I'm gonna share on how to gain a man's respect or how men feel will Respect you, but what's interesting about this show is that these are Autistic people Asperger's that sort of thing some of them high functioning and They're being matched up to find their soulmates their love partners and such and what's really interesting about the show is That many of the people on the show have never even gone on a first date before and the way the program is set up They're fixed up with other people who are on the spectrum or they're dating people who might be normally functioning So why is this so critically important to talk about when it comes to feeling respect or being respected by someone in Relationship What I thought was interesting while this might be a reality show I think it's more like a docu series in the sense that you know, this can't be scripted with these autistic folks It can't be scripted What you're seeing is they are raw true Selves they're raw true selves. I mean there is no filter with these folks Now one of the gentlemen was 63 years old He says he's never been on a date before in his life another 33 year old man Never been on a date several of the women have never been on a date before and they're in their 20s 30s and even 40s So I only share this because I think those of us that are not dealing with that kind of I don't even want to call it a condition But both we'll call it a condition for a moment is that many of us complain about the dating marketplace And I can only imagine what it must feel like for them And yet what it was about to say is what I love about them is it's unfiltered. It's their raw pure emotions They're vulnerable. They're authentic and they're transparent vulnerable authentic and transparent and Sometimes that vulnerability that authenticity and transparency just gets blurted out I know when I was watching the Australian version and now there's a US version of the show. There was one Man and I want to say man it to me. They were Children and that's unfair for me to say He basically said right after the date he goes I don't want to see you ever again and the way he blurted it out was that was his truth That was his truth. He was basically sharing his truth And I know many of us are fearful to share our truth in relationship because we have a fear of hurting someone's feelings and In the US version there was this one woman very high functioning. She master's degree. She has her own animation company and She literally loved bomb the guy on the first date. I mean if you're watching this She's literally saying oh my god I'm in love with you on the first date and she said I was love struck by you and he was this young man I mean he was so so sincere so Friendly and they they seemed like they were gonna really hit it off and they had a second date together And you could she was still expressing how attracted she was to him But he'd mentioned that he worked at Ralph's That was interesting is on the next segment on there They had a telephone call. She basically cut it off with him and She was so worried about hurting his feelings and he was devastated He was genuinely devastated. He felt like he had been led on and yet to me I don't think she meant to do anything malicious. She was being vulnerable authentic and transparent She was sharing her truth and yet she did come on strong in the beginning So my point is these are humans that literally live in their raw emotions if you will at least that's the way I perceive it And yet don't we all wish we could be Share our truth speak our truth in relationship I know many of you are frustrated with that because many of you are especially those of my audience who are in midlife Which is after making after baby making years and were before retirement my audience is predominantly women Many of you are dealing with emotion men who are emotionally weak emotionally insecure emotionally constipated and And also that have weak relationship skills, but let me just say this because there could be men watching this It's true for women as well women also suffer in this capacity and what I think happens is when we've had enough emotional experiences that cause us to doubt ourselves and Doubt the process of really getting to know one another we begin being more withdrawn And it takes up a lot of emotional real estate within ourselves unhealthy emotional real estate and yet sadly I witness many women who don't speak their truth in a relationship Why is this so critically important? Why is speaking your truth? more important than hurting someone's feelings or Worse why is speaking your truth a fear that you might lose somebody in this relationship? Ladies if speaking your truth causes someone to ghost Disappear or choose not to be with you. Do you really want to be with that person? Now when I say speak your truth as I wrote in my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help spiritual work by the way. There's a link below to all the books. I recommend Chapter 1 to speak your truth to it with kindness Now with the autistic people they just blur out their truth without a filter our Filter should be how can we frame our truth in a way that lands on another person and why is this related to respect? because folks Just like I mean okay just like this man who felt like he got led on which he really wasn't they were both Enthusiastic they both acted impetuous and yet she realized he wasn't a good fit Well, it was only two dates. It wasn't two months. It wasn't 20 months. It wasn't two years I'm doing my math right Speaking our truth do it in a kind way Here's the thing when we really want to gain a person's respect one of the fundamental Principles in relationship is to be Authentic and transparent with the person you're with Now this doesn't mean like in the autistic bill people you blurt out every feeling and emotion That's not what I'm talking about What I'm talking about Authenticity and transparency if it's material to the relationship or return material to someone's decision-making about the relationship I think it's critically important that men and women act in an authentic Transparent way with one another Now as I said earlier, we're dealing with a significant population of emotionally constipated people In fact, if you're not familiar with my chart and by the way, we have a brand new one So I want to thank Elena for this. We have a new chart. Oops. Hold on one second The three people actively dating today Okay, I'm gonna share this with you as you can see on the top and roughly about 20% by the way This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion 20% of the population are users They seek short-term game love bombers players gold diggers entitled people selfish people only caring about themselves And then while I say over here, there's the grown Growers and builders. These are the people that seek long-term relationships. They're emotionally healthy They're growing up good relationship skills They have their act together the vast majority of everyone else are spenders and what they mean is what it means Is they're gonna spend time with you companionship connection sex no direction uncertainty fearful Usually have a dysfunctional life folks Here's the thing about respect How can you be with somebody? Who respects you if they can't respect themselves if they're users if they're dysfunctional These are human beings that genuinely can't respect themselves. They might have arrogance There's certainly a lot of people with bravado and arrogance We certainly see a significant population of men and women like who are entitled and believe they deserve Better than everyone. Yes, we have those folks But can you really gain that person's respect if they're already on some level dysfunctional? No You can't Respect is gonna come from those emotionally grown-up people those people that have good relationship skills And so while the title of this Video is you're gonna gain a man's respect 99% of the time With what I'm about to share with you right now. What we're really talking about is 99% of emotionally healthy people Respect what I'm about to share with you and the vast majority of men and women are lacking that emotional maturity So you're not gonna gain their respect. Anyway, this is why it's critically important to vet people before you give your heart Because as I said earlier Speak your truth do it with kindness Here's the more important piece when you're sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person So if you genuinely want to gain a man's respect who's a grower a builder as someone who genuinely wants Long-term commitment. Well first you're gonna have to vet that guy to determine if that's the person you're talking to By the way, there's a link right here the schedule of discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you My area of expertise is teaching you how to vet men and vetting is a process of determining is this person Not just the chemistry piece. Do we share the same values? Do we have lifestyles are blendable and more importantly, are they emotionally mature? Because an emotionally mature man respects this above all not above all else, but certainly respects this with women are the women who genuinely have Standards in a relationship standards Now here's the thing Emotionally constipated men emotionally unavailable men they they don't respect women But what they do also is they disrespect a significant percentage of women who what they think are low hanging fruit women who are easy Because they literally have no standards. These are the women that chase men that make themselves way too available to men that put out sexuality to gain a man's favor These men like the short run with these women because they look at them as low hanging fruit And they tend to disrespect them Here's the thing an emotionally healthy man wouldn't disrespect a woman But he won't certainly want to lean into a relationship with a woman who is overly aggressive Because she literally has no standards and or boundaries for herself Now standards. What does standards look like? Look it? What what a standard is? Let me backtrack for a moment. I worked with a woman a couple years ago and she called me up She's in a relationship or she was in she was in a relationship with a man for nine months And she says hey Jonathan, I'm in a relationship with a man and I'd like more commitment out of him I'm like great. What does that look like for you? Well, Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like great. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him as if speaking louder She was actually articulating her point. All she was was screaming and then you know what she said to me next She said Jonathan, you're not listening to me. You're not hearing me. I Said you're not saying anything if you can't describe what commitment looks like to me How can you describe it to him?  I'll say it again. I say it a thousand times the type of relationship I initially was looking for Was a relationship where we spent three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional Intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married Well, that was my standard. That was my framework the boundary would have been if it didn't match that framework and Boundaries I love what Brene Brown says about boundaries if you're not familiar with Brene Brown Let me see if I have her book handy Oh It's there somewhere Brene Brown Google her what she talks about boundaries is what's okay, and what's not okay for me Folks when you establish the framework of what you want your relationship to look like you're setting the standard for a man to see if he meets you where you're at and This is going to require as I shared before Being vulnerable being authentic and being transparent Folks Brene Brown also says verb vulnerability is that Lynch is the keystone for courage Courage when we can speak up And when I shared before our truth is merely our truth when I say speak your truth It merely means what you desire what you're feeling expressing that in a Healthy way Yet many people don't know how to communicate in a healthy way In fact many humans operate in a combative way if you're not familiar with the book Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I wish this was named compassionate communication Why you should read this book and again, there's a link below to all the books I recommend Because how we deliver our message to another person how it lands on them will Significantly determine whether or not they want to lean into a relationship with you whether or not they respect you if you have good strong communication skills Women oftentimes say to me the key to a relationship is communication communication communication Can I tell you when I was single by the way, there's a picture of my beloved. I'm no longer single in fact We now live together And by the way, thank you for all the many compliments I get from all of you about her I truly appreciate it But one of the things I recognized. Oh my god. I did it. I did a squirrel I had a train of thought and I just lost that What now I went off track here for a moment but coming back to vulnerability by expressing yourself With a partner is the keystone for developing trust and actually more importantly Respect within one another See the thing about respect How can be in how can we be in relationship with people we don't respect? Ladies many of you are attached to men that you don't really respect Well Jonathan, I love him, but you don't really respect him because the two of you aren't communicating in a healthy way Folks listen for those of us in midlife the days in front of us are a little bit shorter than the days behind us You have a choice to make do you want to make those the the next 20 30 40 50 years of your life the best of your life?  How does that really work? Do you know what? It's your standards. It's stepping into your it's leaning into your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem Men are genuine men who are emotionally mature men that have good relationship skills Oh, by the way, I know where the squirrel I was gonna go those men Genuinely appreciate women who know how to articulate their standards. We are highly attracted to those types of women Yep, many of you say you're good at communication Yeah, many of you are actually terrible at it or you're fearful of it.  So I get your frustration This is why it's important to weed out those guys that are your time wasters those spenders or worse Those users and start directing your energy towards those grower and builders that I talked about before But here's the thing. It's a limited number out there You have a greater chance of finding someone who will waste your time But you have a choice Do you want to waste your time or do you want to get better at vetting men? Do you want to get better at picking men? And the reality is is as much as we all love the fantasy that it will just fall in our lap Well, yeah magic fairy dust works all the time If you really want that type of relationship, then it's going to require a significant amount of effort on your part first By establishing by being your best self by being your best self And as I said earlier getting crystal clear on your standards and Then putting yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people and then doing a vetting process And maybe if you get lucky enough with some chemistry You find yourself in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship And that's why I invite you all to do the work ahead of time so you can attract that in is this sinking in is this resonating Please let me know if it is please hit that like button Please share this video please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new and just as a reminder what men respect They respect your standards When you certainly respect yourself and you're crystal clear on delivering those standards in a healthy Emotionally mature way All right, I think this will be a great place to start taking questions for those of you that know my format of my live streams If you have a question write the word question then post the question there after or you can there's a little in the chat box There's a little dollar sign. You can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship Fun in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's the little type right there Oh My god, what was his name? What was his name in Toy Story? I just went brain dead there. There was Buzz Lightyear and Woody That's Connor right there It's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor I've started a scholarship fund in his name to donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute just to name a few and we've already raised over $3,000 through the super sticker super chat So thank you so much for that and if you're watching the replay you can purchase the super. Thanks as well All right, I think this would be a great time to take questions Just as a reminder again write the word question and post the question thereafter. Let's see what we have in the board May says indeed, I agree Jonathan. Thank you so much Yvonne says beautiful Presentation. Thank you so much. Jean says I completely agree. Thank you so much Linda says I want to get a better at picking better absolutely. Yes Chemistry does not equal relationship success Compatibility through shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That's the that's the ingredient to relationship success with chemistry, of course Okay, pretty ass what are three top qualities you looked for in a partner? You know the brat me was gonna say something I think first and foremost And it's one of the things I really respected most in my partner is Is when we first met We she actually shared something very vulnerable with me Because she felt it was material to the relationship and it's private between us So I don't want to share it, but I really respected her transparency And and sometimes that transparency hurts I mean she she sometimes says things not unfiltered per se, but she speaks her truth Sometimes it hurt is a strong word. It stings a little bit. Let's just say that pricks a little. I respect that The second thing that I had I love about her. She is so Chill she is so chill.  She's just chill and Most importantly she's got an agreeable personality. She's very easy going and it's a lot It's not like pulling teeth now some people who say she's not in her masculine energy That's not masculine or feminine Agreeability is not a masculine or feminine trait It's a it's a character trait that says I I'd rather have I'd rather be happy than being right people that want to be right are in a righteous Or a They're in a controlling behavior. That's not masculine or feminine. That's just you know annoying Controlling behavior is just annoying to me. So the three qualities her transparency. She's very chill And she's got an agreeable personality and lastly she's smoking hot. I dig her looks okay Thank you so much pretty for that All right question When you first met online is is there a line of questioning you should begin with so that you know whether or not You're wasting your time great question. So this is part of what I do in my private coaching here um, I think one of the first questions you should ask is What does commitment look like for you? What does a relationship look like for you now?  What's it look like on tuesday? What's it look like on wednesday? What's it look like on thursday? What's it look like on friday?  They're winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it And you want them to be the leaders of the relationship. I find that incredibly Um, it's just laughable. You want men to be the leaders of the relationship Ladies, you're giving the job to the wrong person.  Guess what a lot of men most men are trainable too Believe me my girlfriend trained me. She likes to have a nice clean home on a regular basis I was a bachelor. I was a beach bum kind of guy. Look at I wore jeans and flip-flops.  So thank you so much Holly says great question. What does it look like exactly describe it on a calendar? What does it look like you can determine if he's clueless or not in that very question? all right All right next question from me me I met a guy once and he wanted to see me again He told me he had been very busy with work and ended up working on his days off How should I go about this to find out if he is legitimately interested?  Okay. Remember I talked about emotional real estate earlier Okay, opera here. Let me let me make it simple for you everybody listen to this. I want you to follow the three two one three Approach three two one three Okay, that's no more than three email or text exchanges Should lead to no more their one or two phone calls that should lead to one date All happening in the three week period of time and that's Okay, the date should happen within three weeks That's it. And by the way ladies You should be doing this with multiple men. I have no problem with you prospecting multiple men at the same time I'm just not a big proponent of dating multiple people at the same time and just know this a first Date is not a date. It's a meeting. Okay, so I'm all in favor for prospecting as many men at the same time Schedule a bunch of first meets, but if you begin dating someone date one person at a time Three two one three, okay All right. Hope that helps. Thank you um Barbara says jonathan you look classy I love a man to suit most of the men on the dating apps are sloppy looking Hey, you know, I was a bit sloppy looking too So i'm thankful for my sweetheart for upping the ante for me All right, if you have a question write the word question post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker Super thanks that way. I can see it really quickly If we don't have any questions come in the the live stream is going to be cut short And if you have a personal question of me feel free to ask it as well um Let's see what we have here. Let's go swim in Let's go swim in Colleen says i'm so happy for you jonathan. Thank you so much. I appreciate that She's also reading the four agreements. I love that book. Where is my four agreements right here? Folks if you're not familiar with the four agreements, read this book. There's a link below Always do your best Always do your best Um projections of others are people's opinion of you as a projection People's opinion of you is their projection of you. Um Don't make assumptions and be impeccable with your word The four agreements highly recommend reading that. Thank you so much for uh suggesting that colleen. I appreciate it All right, uh, let's go swim in. Oh, here we go Catherine says it's very easy to speak my truth since it's done in a loving good heart oriented manner way to go Catherine Colleen says question What is a gal to say to a gentleman that put on the brakes to be in an exclusive relationship and then reaches Out months later to say hi. How are you yet? Doesn't ask you out So this is a common thing a man expresses i'm assuming he expressed interest And then he put the brakes on and then some time passed and then he reaches out He's fishing Okay, he's fishing for number one Number two a lot of men are bad daters. So they want you to make the effort Um, so listen, I like to with these guys.  No, I'm just kidding. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. But um, no Make some effort and see what happens just to explore Um, you know, you can sit back and be curious in the sense of oh, I wonder what he's thinking I wonder what he's thinking or you can be proactive and find out what he's thinking or you can simply say, hey In full transparency. You seem interested.  Why are you reaching out to me be blunt? Okay, just like the autistic children Adults I was talking about had no filter be blunt But there's no sense in trying to figure out what he's thinking because you know what it doesn't matter You can ask the question to find out what he's thinking or you can ask him out on a date and see if he says yes I when I say date ask him out for a drink. All right. Hope that helps. Thank you so much Mimi says thank you for answering that. I love how you tell it like it is. Thank you. Colleen says I was actually thinking of asking him out. There you go. Jennifer says I'm blunt with guys you know blunt with class Because we can be blunt or we can do it with a lot of crafts, but I say do it with a lot of class and that is You know, sometimes just say I'm really curious You know, I it seems really odd that you're reaching out to me after you blew me off What's up? I'm just curious. You can start sentences with sentences with I'm curious or you can start to sentence in full transparency Okay be curious But trying to figure out what men do is of exercise and futility. So don't bother. Okay all right Uh barbis says if you want to find quality men join inner circle gotcha Holly says I oh, I like your answer jonathan. I'll do the same thing definitely be blunt again Blunt is speaking your truth and doing it in a kind way Uh, jennifer says it is classy blunt genuine and authentic exactly Not like those. Uh, what's that tv show? New jersey something or other jersey shore where those folks have no filter And they're crass and they speak their truth in a very caustic An antagonistic way that's not just because they think they they speak their truth But to do it in a caustic antagonistic way That's just mean spirited. That's just mean spirited You know, we don't have to share every thought we have by the way The average human has somewhere between 12 and 12,000 and 60,000 But you don't have to share every thought with a person share those that have value That can actually make a difference in your person's life and criticism isn't just criticism isn't There's constructive criticism criticism But a lot of times criticism is a form of toxic advice toxic advice Lean into that for a second criticism could be toxic advice In other words, it's it's it's designed to hurt someone's feelings. I don't believe that's healthy criticism I don't believe that's constructive criticism even in there even if they've twisted in their mind to believe it is Speak your truth do it in a kind way. That's my invitation for everyone. All right. Thank you so much for that all right As I wrote in my book and what Catherine says being authentic transparent unique sincere Honest are traits that exist long before midlife dating. So sharing it with a gender gentleman isn't any effort Respect comes from this natural flow exactly Mary Ann says question If on the first date the man is talking about his ex-wife who left him He is not over her. Should I date him or he needs healing? He is divorced a long time and very interested in me So You know one of the challenges dating people that are hurt from their past relationships or mourning their past relationships Is that oftentimes bleeds into any new relationship? And the tricky part is a new relationship can actually help a person get over a previous relationship. That is true However, it depends on how much residue was left So if he was genuinely hurt by someone and he's done zero healing work You know, they say time heals all wounds. No Personal development self-help and spiritual work and therapy heals wounds. Okay Time just makes you possibly forget Okay True healing comes from inter introspective work inner work So You know, you're gambling with a person what let me read this again Left is why uh man is talking about his ex-wife who left him Men are very territorial if a woman if a woman leaves a man That leaves more of a sting Women are okay. Let me say something Men Emotionally are less resilient than women. That's right women. I think have a capacity to Heal from an ending of relationship better than a man because usually a man's ego is bruised Significantly and men have weaker This is a generalization So I don't want to make it as an absolute But I do believe men if a man truly gave his heart to a woman Men fall in love Maybe once or twice in their life if they ever do once or twice if a man deeply loved a woman and he felt betrayed It's it's a role of the dice of whether or not he's going to be ready for relationship Now i'm not suggesting women don't feel the same way. I think women are more resilient emotionally than men That's all I just believe that but that's my opinion anyway All right. Thank you for that question mariana. I appreciate it Lee says question Why don't you do a video on on dating a widow and difficulties involved in that? You know, I think I did a video a while back on dating widowers. Um I think part of the reason why I don't lean into that too much because thankfully that's not something I've experienced in my life I think widowers are It it depends widowers are a challenging breed to be in relationship with Especially depending on how the person passed away number one And how deeply they were in love with each other prior to that so It's important to find out how the person passed away How long ago they passed away and how deeply in love they were with that person that did pass away And I think the the if it was recent If it was uh sudden So if it was a recent passing way a sudden passing way and they deeply love the person It's going to take a longer that's going to take longer time for that person to heal Then someone who might have experienced cancer for a decade and it was 10 years ago that the person passed away and um And they had a mediocre relationship. Okay, so I'm just giving you some just a little barometer there All right. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Uh stormy blue says I lived with a widower. They are challenging exactly. Hey, alaina I just want to thank you so much for the new card. Thank you so much for this I really appreciate it very sweet of you to make that for me. Thank you so much big hugs to you So everyone get props to alaina. Thank you Mary ann says thank you All right, do we have any more questions tonight? Are we going to have a short live stream? Um Now I'm going to come back to the show love on the spectrum You know, it's interesting about this show I don't really see the Participants worried about how tall the guy is how attractive she is You know, they really are dating from what appears of more innocent Certainly a childlike perspective many of them You know our ego gets in the way of love. It's it's a saboteur of love is our ego You know, ultimately certainly feeling attracted to your partner is critically important But what's more important Is their character their character Part of that is your values part of that is their ability to lean into and have a capacity of your relationship and more importantly Their emotional maturity and relationship skills. I I've been reading a book. I want to share a book with you all It's called marriage ain't for punks Uh by calvin roberts robertson. He was he's on the show. Uh married at first site doctor cal revering cal and I've just started reading this book or I've dealt with new a little bit what I find fascinating about it is it's like look Many of you out there are in relationships with a bunch of punks And what I mean is immature people the show Love on the spectrum are sadly humans that struggle with that level of maturity But most of us have this capacity to genuinely grow beyond our limitations If we choose to do the work to do the inner work Self-love is an exploration of personal development self-help and spiritual work. And if you follow my channel I indoctrinate this into you every single day. I shoot a video. It's the invitation To be introspective to look inward and say how can I be the best version of myself so I can attract that person And sadly here in the United States.  Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, let's see what else we got today for questions. I was pontificating for a little bit Uh claudia says What is the best advice you have received? What is the best advice you've received? You know, I it nothing comes to mind. It's interesting enough. I I think I've been blessed with so many friends Let me reframe that I've been blessed with a few key friends a few key friends Who are who helped me? Help me see my blind spots and I have an inner circle of friends Who helped me on many occasions see what I can't see within myself I can't think of one piece of advice that stands out amongst them all probably the most important one is to probably You know when connor passed away when connor passed away I think I learned the deepest lesson of it all Lesson of all is to be an absolute gratitude of every single day of my life So i'm grateful for my circle of friends who speak their truth with me to help me with my blind spots, but more importantly One thing I make sure To do every day is to count my blessings and more importantly Express those to those that I love with this beautiful woman. I express gratitude multiple times a day Ladies you have a capacity to to lead by example By starting to express your gratitude in a relationship and you'll see quickly whether or not a person could lean into it So that's my invitation for everyone to anyway. Anyway, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Uh Let's see. How do you tell a guy to do the work? You can't tell a man to do inner work. You can only invite them. You can't tell them to do it One of the things I always recommend ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina as you buy a copy of the book Eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman You read chapter one first and then if you want to build a relationship with a guy, he reads it with you This will help Well, jonathan, he's turned off by that Ladies if a man is turned off by reading a good book to help your relationship What does that say about his desire to be in a good relationship? Invite him is my invitation for you Thank you so much Holly says it. Oh wait, I'll get to that. Holly says this definitely resonates. Thank you Wanda writes any old school gentleman left? Is it okay for couples to have a space but still date? First off, I I'm not an old school gentleman. Let me be clear about that I'm not an old school gentleman because I don't subscribe to the tradition partially because believe it or not It used to be women were treated as second-class citizens by by those so-called gentlemen you're talking about Women were treated like property by those so-called gentlemen you talk about What's important to me is not tradition. What's important to me is does someone show up as a gentleman? And does a woman show up as a true lady? And a true lady is a woman empowered within herself She's not dependent upon a man nor is she expectant of anything from a man They both show up with integrity. They both follow the books of the four agreements It's one of the reasons why I continually tell you all to read the book. Where is it?   I have to remember that one the importance of community develop a tribe Your thoughts create your feelings heal your childhood wounds choose love over ego And there's 15 more chapters. So I think that answers your question rose. I hope that helps. Thank you so much Let me know if that helps Nancy says Question I've been talking to a man for a month text phone calls and FaceTime He was making the effort which meant a lot I think there's more so Uh fill out the rest of that so I know what your real question is Nancy. Thank you so much All right, let's see Holly says I'm gonna buy the book jonathan. It sounds good. I read this book the if the buddha dated I read it in one sitting. I love this book. So check it out All right, let's keep going And Nancy says sorry, I didn't post the question. So what is the question Nancy? Uh had a date planned this friday Okay, good. You have a date planned. Yay. It sounds like this is how it's supposed to work You talk on the phone you text you do FaceTime and you have a date plan. That's the way it's supposed to work Annie says yes heal your childhood wounds is crucial still have to work on to do on that one We all have work to do on that one Rose says yes, it does help. Thank you so much. I'm happy to hear that Okay, so now here's the final part to our question. She says then he goes quiet. How do I approach that? Okay There's a variety of reason why a man might make effort and then go cold. Okay He could be talking to several women at the same time number one You might have said something that was a turnoff to him number two He might be scared for a variety of different reasons. He might have he might have issues going on in his life Okay, I'm like look cut to the chase text him and say hey Do you still want to connect or not if you don't I just want to write you off my checklist? Okay You know, I'm rather than wondering why he's doing it Just take proactive action.   I'm being rhetorical everyone Reach out and simply say hey tim It seemed like you're interested and you've gone quiet. Are you okay? And are you still interested and if you're not I just want you to know that's okay, and I wish you all the best Try that Okay, Nancy Good luck on that one Hi from South Africa having an issue with the guy I'm seeing the past nine months I'm trying not to be needy. So I don't answer his messages immediately. He's going crazy because I don't answer Immediately Mandy. I am not a big proponent Of operating that way. I'm not a big proponent operating that way what all you're doing is creating unnecessary anxiety for him But it's really a sign between the two of you that you don't have healthy communication to begin with because You try not to be needy But by being delayed you're causing his neediness to come out So how about you guys have a serious genuine conversation about your communication? Because look too needy people They they don't tend to work well in relationship To avoidant people tend not to work well in relationship A needy and avoidant person doesn't work well in a relationship The best relationships tend to be people that are what's called secure If you're not familiar with the the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller I highly recommend checking this out Checking this out so you can learn about the three primary love attachment styles So my invitation for you is have a heart centered conversation with them Read the book together and then talk about how your communication will be improved going forward Is this sinking in with everyone? Please let me know if it's resonating with you All right, this will be our last post here. Jonathan. Thank you. I found the right guy He told me he was in love with me all the time and now he proposed and we're getting married. I've done everything you said. Thank you Thank you. Thank you. Yay I'm so happy to hear that That Barbara says congratulations Elena says congratulations So I'm really happy for you Colleen says I'm grateful. I was able to be here tonight. Thank you so much Jonathan for how real you are and how sharing your knowledge great show wonderful content. Thank you so much All right, this will be the last question of the evening right here Uh question kb How do I attract an older man? I have something specific in mind Older men listen, you have no problem attracting older men There are plenty of older men who want younger women. So just put yourself out on the dating apps That's how you attract them. That's a real simple one All right Sherry says great answer Jonathan. It happens to me too. They plan a date go silent nice Should not nice to know I should reach out ask check it off instead of wondering exactly All right after ethal says question Thank you, Jonathan. I did everything you said and I can tell you how a man says I love all the I love you all the time and we're engaged. Thank you so much for sharing that. All right, folks I think this will be a great place to wrap up today From the bottom of my heart. I want to thank you so much for allowing me to share this evening I truly appreciate all the kind loving compliments you share to me as well as my beloved who's right there And yes, we are going to get her on camera soon. In fact, most likely next week She's joining my private group called midlife love mastery. There's a link below if you want to see her live in our group She's going to be on next week All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video today First off I want to give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a pillow There's a teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Annie and linda and holly and michelle and corny cob and sherry and pretty disabled and peggy and lana and ethal and rose and Nancy And kaby and alana. Thank you again. Barbara. Colleen. Thank you all so much wishing you A fab evening. Take care. Bye now