My question, and I guess I'm struck by the presentation from Adam, is happy with the results of this. The earlier statement in the morning was that the only institutions that were left, which country it was referencing, was the church and the cartels. So you seem to be presenting with the youth program, I guess, you know, the question is, then what is the relationship of those two institutions and how respectful is, say, the cartels towards the presence of the church? That's a good question, and I don't know the answer. I do know that the bishops of all countries, all the countries, have tried to activate all their folks against gangs, against the drug cartels, in the sense of just saying it's destroying the fabric of our society, it's destroying families, it's destroying people. So to my knowledge, but I could be wrong on this, what I'm reaching for is, did I hear any stories about a priest or a bishop or sisters directly being threatened? And I haven't heard that, but it's a good question, and it gives me a little homework, quite frankly. Thank you for asking it. I just want to follow up, because I think that the perspective that starts to open up in terms of mobilizing people is really can be debate-community, but I think the faith communities are also needing to move from passion, kind of the passion responses to the practical response. Can I just make a couple of comments that when we talk to children, as part of our intake, one of the questions is whether or not the child, him or herself, has been involved in the past in any kind of gang activity, and that goes to their eligibility for protection. And the number one answer that we hear more and more from these children when we ask them is no soy cristiano. No, I didn't belong to the gang. I'm Christian. So it's almost developed a kind of a counterpoint, where you see the gang activity lot are setting up checkpoints, and a lot of times you see checkpoints set up on the way to school, on the way to the market, to prevent access to these critical locations, and more and more we're seeing checkpoints being set up to prevent access to churches. Also, you see the gangs themselves beginning to adopt. As the church is, essentially the main countervailing point against the gangs, more so than the government itself, you see the gangs starting to adopt anti-Christian and anti-religious symbols and names. For example, what's the name of the lead gang member in your neighborhood? El Diablo. What will the tattoo be, an upside-down crucifix? So as that kind of counterpoint develops, you see the gangs actually developing anti-Christian nomenclatures and identities in order to show that rivalry, which has now gone from anti-government to anti-church. And also, in a lot of the organizing, if there is any of some of the movements of children fleeing away from these countries, it's not as much smugglers. We are hearing about priests being involved. One other point, you know, with the kids, I think they are getting exposed to church and faith from their countries. And it is one of the resiliencies that helps them, I think, carry on and survive. They're at St. PJ's. We do hold services for them weekly. Antonio mentioned he and the Archbishop went down to Lackland. They're asking for the scriptures. They're asking for rosaries. And so we provide all of those things. And it is making a difference for the kids to stay in straw. But I think it's also really important to emphasize the aspect that, yes, these kids are victims, but we also have to focus on the race. So we can see that they have enough to trade them as their trauma types and their reasons, because they are. But we also also have to consider that they have the resiliency to come to United States. They have the resiliency to overcome their trauma. And I think that's going to be really important as these children start to become part of the American society that we don't keep the training on trauma. You're absolutely right. And when I talked about what I did, I was just kind of sharing in context that if we don't do a better job of having the supports and resources and state-of-the-art kind of care, those children are also going to be at a much higher risk of falling into adult problems, such as homelessness and so on. So yeah, they're very resilient. But that's true. If the human body is also resilient to lots of things, but if you don't get them the medicine to overcome that, then they're more at risk. So yes. One of the things we've realized in our programs is part of the healing is they become, they're going out. We call it ascending. They go do something specifically about what they've done. Everything from the Truth and Reconciliation Commissions to the At-Risk Youth Program, it's like they need to be leaders. They need to be leaders. You're absolutely right. I think just one quick thing about both comments is just both of them. One, I think you're right. Women are extremely strong.  I met a woman who gave birth to a baby. Fifteen days later, she flew her country and went over 2,000 miles just to get to the United States. And she said, actually, after we served her a mass, actually baptized her baby. She said that was the happiest day of her life. So it's an amazing story. But yeah, I agree with both of them. We're in charge of the Particle Theory that we've discussed, which is a polykinesis-specific community and not a governmental organization that acts as a vindication power to help provide vital information even by these individuals and frame their stories. The asylum officials, you know, is there a mechanism in place because it seems that might be out of our reach and out of our jurisdiction and a little too late by the time these children are happening? So in regards to the credible fear interviews, for most non-Mexican children, thankfully, because of the TVPRA, as long as we still have the TVPRA, and that would be something to remind your legislators that you think the TVPRA is an important protection for children and that our protection should not be minimized with the situation we have now, regards to adults, these new detention facilities that have sprung up that I was referring to, that they've really just come up in the last six weeks or so, that presuppose that, and it's mostly women and children that are being housed there, that presupposes that they don't have valid asylum claims. In fact, they were set up saying, well, these are for the people that don't have valid asylum claims. And when they get to the United States, not having valid asylum claims, we'll put them here so we can return them as quickly as possible. We have no idea what these people have been through, except that we can extrapolate that probably based on everyone who's come before them from this wave, they do have valid asylum claims. And so their credible fear interviews are extremely important for them to have their day in court. There is thankfully a lawsuit that was filed this week regarding the detention facility in Artesia, New Mexico, which is a good thing, because certainly the violations, many of the things that I was discussing up there are things that were documented in the complaint as happening in Artesia, New Mexico. In Carn City, which is where the St. Mary's Clinic has started our work this week, we understand that those same types of violations are happening there as well. Members of the general public, I would encourage to reach out to legislators, reach out to the, I mean, it's the administration places people in there who make these decisions. The director of Homeland Security, J. Johnson, walked around and said, oh, this is a great facility for people who don't have asylum claims. That was something that he said before the people came to the detention facility. It is shocking to me that a public official would walk out and say, in advance of people arriving, that they have no claim to asylum, asylum being one of the, I mean, the most fundamental obligations that we have under international human law, under national human rights law, to protect victims of crime. So I would say, get on the phone. I'm gonna interject just a minute too. Because of our interviews with Dream Act students, the youth themselves can have an incredible impact if they tell their stories and they become empowered to organize themselves and speak up about the injustices that they face and their own needs. So I think that's an important part of it as well. Here and then here and then here. I'm just kind of jumping in on this. I just met with a student who had been in board control and his attitude was that they all have the same story. And I was trying to explain to him, well, this is sort of a condition to me that way. But I think there's very much this perception that, and I'm wondering what happens in the interviews when you're trying to prep them, if they're kind of getting like a canned version of their story and how do you make them how do you make people who are between the inter or who are receiving the interview understand that this is not necessarily just a canned one. And that's one of the reasons why the credible through interview is so important that it be handled properly the way that it's supposed to be handled with officers taking the time and asking enough probative questions. It's also important that it not happen within hours of someone arriving in the United States for 48 hours, 72 hours, when they're still completely traumatized, probably from just being released from the Aleta that Jonathan was talking about. They're really in no position to articulate what the heck is going on. Very important that they have know your rights presentations. I've represented asylum seekers from various parts of the world and sometimes it takes a while interviewing those individuals to be able to get to the root of what's going on. For instance, I had a client from Afghanistan and it took a while to really separate of all the many bad things that had happened to her in her life, what was asylum worthy and what was just frankly bad luck. When you're talking about people from different cultures, it takes a while. The interviewing process is incredibly important and that's why access to lawyers is so tremendously important. Do you want to? Can I just a point of housekeeping? An individual who's apprehended by Border Patrol and who then faces deportation will go through several interviews. There's usually an interview at the border by a Border Patrol official. Adults would then go on to get a credible fear interview by the immigration service. An unaccompanied child should not have to go through that hurdle of a credible fear interview. They are placed directly into removal proceedings where they would see a judge. It is the children from Mexico and Canada who have to face an additional rigorous interview by Border Patrol in order to get across that hurdle and into proceedings. But that's an interview that's occurring literally in the actual process of being apprehended. There's no opportunity for an attorney or anyone to intercede in that process. Now in terms of the credible fears that are happening now with the family units in Carnes and Arteza, they're doing credible fear interviews with the mothers in the presence of the children. And so the children are not being interviewed only the mothers. Therefore, any kind of SIJ or any of these children who may be abused by the mother, it's not getting screened. And also if the mother has things to say that she cannot or was not willing to say in front of her children, that's information that's not getting transmitted. Over here. Is there any effort to draw on the Latino immigrant religious leaders and community leaders as a volunteer base? Why don't you take that? I don't think, yes, especially the Latino community, Catholic charities through different partnerships with other entities, non-Catholic partnerships, we are going through all the communities. For now, we actually started talking a lot more to doctors, different positions of doctors within San Antonio who leave willing to actually help, not just these kids, but any other kids, just for value and purposes, for any needs that they may have over there. We are absolutely trying to engage leadership, religious leaders in the Spanish language churches. We're also trying to engage the arts and culture communities here in San Antonio because that's a big part of our identity. In fact, right now at RAISIS, which is on North Flores and Poplar, up by MK Davis and the Michoacana, we're turning our building into a mural dedicated to the voyage of these children. So it's happening right now. It's being painted this week. I invite everybody to come and check it out. We're having some artists, some well-known artists from the San Antonio community participate in making the mural in order to try to draw out some leadership and attention in that community. And I urge you all to check out the children's art on the table outside. That's brought to us by, where is he? I think that was his question. There are, with the children themselves, trying to demonstrate what their experiences are. As we know, just a few years ago, they were the Zapatistas and they were in Chavez. And the revolution there was the fact that the military actually attacked the Mayan people living in the area. They burned down their huts, they broke their sewing machines and their other equipment and the people left and went up to the hill. And she said, and they would speak out and they, some students from UT made some excellent films of them.  So now today, we read in the newspaper that a lot of people that are Mayans are coming to try to get into the United States because those are the people probably that were displaced in Chavez. And so our laws here say no refugees if you're from Mexico. As a Mexican, you are not considered a refugee. And so there, whether those 500 children a couple of weeks ago that were being kept as slaves by being sent out to get money and young girls to use as prostitutes, this was a Mexico city. And the government attacked the people who were holding the children and freed the children. Do you have a question for the panel about that? Well, I have a question here. If there's so much violence going on in Mexico, why can't they be considered refugees? The law states that unaccompanied minors to stick with that population should be, first, when the Border Patrol apprehends somebody, there's three questions. One, are you a child? If the answer is yes, then you move on to the next one. Are you an accompanied child? If the child is a child who's unaccompanied, then the Border Patrol officer asks the next question, where are you from? If the child is from any country other than Mexico or Canada, the Border Patrol officer should then immediately place that child into the custody of HHS and in a shelter. If the child is from Canada or Mexico, the Border Patrol officer can have an interview to determine whether that child can go back to Mexico, go back to Canada. The presumption is under the law that the child will be victim of abuse or trafficking. Only if the child overcomes that burden in the interview with the officer is the officer allowed to allow the child to return home. This is not in effect how the Border Patrol is carrying out this law. They clearly, by the number of children who are presenting themselves from Mexico, requesting help, and the small number who are making it through to the facilities. We barely see any Mexican children at the facilities. It's clear that the Border Patrol is not correctly interviewing the children, pursuant to the law. There are complaints and there are lawsuits coming on that. It's like it's very difficult. What about the kids who are unaccompanied that are non-Spanish speakers that come from really rural areas and come from a minimum background? How much do rural organizations or translators, et cetera? It's extremely difficult. First and foremost, many of them are misidentified as Spanish speakers out of the box. And so people don't take that extra step to try to get an interpreter for Quiche or Mam or Agua Cateca that we're seeing a lot of children coming from. There are more and more indigenous children, as we see the changes, not just numbers, but there are more Guatemalan children coming. There are more young girls coming. And that's certainly we're seeing more people from the indigenous communities arriving. They're the ones who have to face the hardest gauntlet, especially if they have to represent themselves. Or even if they're with an attorney, they may not be able to effectively communicate. We're blessed in that we have access to telephonic interpreters who do speak these different languages. One comment I would make on the indigenous communities, because there are more and more indigenous people coming. What we see, not just in terms of the kids who are leaving, the kids who are coming, but something we talk about which is filter rates. And that is the comparison between who is leaving the home country compared to who gets here, who makes it, who doesn't make it. What we see is large numbers of girls in this migration are not making it. They are the most subject to being stopped along the route, trafficked, and not making it to the destination here. Interestingly enough, as the rise, what we've seen in the data from Lackland is that the girls from Guatemala have a much greater tendency to make it to the United States than the girls from Honduras or El Salvador. And what this seems to pair with is the increased number of indigenous communities that are coming from Guatemala compared to El Salvador and Honduras where it is more urban flight. So you have, literally what you see is that the folks from Guatemala, they share language, they share culture, they share religion, and familial bonds. Whereas the folks who are coming from Honduras and El Salvador are leaving the cities alone and they're getting into groups along the way that they find for safety. But that the Guatemalans, you see it in photographs from the journeys, literally you see groups of young children where the boys surround the girls physically and they travel in that group. So it's their indigenous status that makes them more vulnerable, but it is these shared bonds that actually protect them on this journey. Here and I hear.  And I've been through a number of these these years and I have heard nothing but support for these kids. And I'm curious what the panning things of governor, Perry's approach or Senator Corn's approach, it seems oddly different to a high gear that I'm at in the U.S. and just U.S. I don't know if you're gonna touch that. I'll touch that one. Um. Wow. All right. It's a good thing about being your own boss. So, Reyes has made a finding of 63% eligibility, strong cases at Lackland. And in an interview, Governor Cornyn, who's one of the supporters along with, Governor Cornyn, Senator Cornyn, who's along with Congressman Quay are supporting the Humane, the Orwellian Lee named Humane Act, which would truncate the adjudication times these cases forced the children to prepare their cases in a week. It would disallow them from being released to family members. It would be a draconian act. And he in a telephone conference expressed doubt of the numbers that we found at the facility. I fortunately had an opportunity to speak with the senator. He was very polite and he essentially in a one-on-one conversation had no arguments to support his findings and he was very polite and asked for my card for his staff to follow up with us. And I just found out we're getting audited by the state of Texas tomorrow. So it's too late, I've already done it. But there is definitely a different perspective for presenting in our family. So yeah. Thank you. I'm good. How do you think it's done when I'm not? I was just going to say the history says to repeat itself, the thing that's going on turns down, it has happened before, the Teedon public in Texas, a lot of activists from San Antonio, with Bill Caravan and all the way to Teedon public, they liberated the children. But now that the children were laughing their first face, they kind of reminded the children that was kept at Wansan on the Bay in 1995. And I volunteered at the Spanish link was to go over there and assist with all the Cuban refugee camps. And one thing that I did notice is that they required special dietary food. So they were tired of eating, and the military came out of it. So that could really mess up the system. Has anybody asked these children what is it that they eat for that only they could eat for that year? How about? The health and the system. And to learn from the lessons from Teedon public, take that into consideration in terms of kind of what's going on today. Sure. Good question. They're at St. PJ's Children's Home. Again, we've been caring for just under 2,000 children. In the percentages that we've already heard about. And one of the things to keep in mind as a not-for-profit is a 24-7 facility. We also have a contract with the Texas Department of Agriculture, which is under the US Department USDA, United States Department of Agriculture. And so we provide all the appropriate nutritional values that we're supposed to. But we also, we know that these children also probably get a lot more fruits and vegetables than maybe our own kids do. And so we have a lot of that available, not only in the traditional times, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but all the snack times as well. And we have just gotten actually, no surprise, the kids are so grateful for the meals that they're being served and thankful and as opposed to some of the more traditional children that we serve sometimes. When we do a survey for our kids, just like maybe at the university sometime, what's the number one things that our kids complain about? It's the food. Yet the children, our unaccompanied children, never complain about the food. So that's how I'd answer that. So I think two comments. One was lagland base. On a Friday afternoon, I got a call telling me that the base would be closed that day. And I don't understand why the media didn't report until the following Monday. So for three days, no one knew that the kids were not there. You know, I don't know if they were afraid of people going and protests. I don't know if they were afraid of people maybe throwing stones like, you know, to the kids as it happened in some other cities. But I don't know. Food-wise, lagland base, I went on a Sunday. And that was a special day I was told because they have pandulce and they have coffee. So it surprised me that that was the special day, you know. But everybody I spoke to, they liked the food, all the kids as well in current city. They have rice, beans, chuletas, you know, the whole thing. So for breakfast, people, the kids at current city had like bananas, apples, you know, the chocolate milk. So it appeared to me that actually we were being fed their food. You know, so. One more, I think, and then we'll have to stop. Until now, we more or less have had a feedback about any reactive kind of situation where the children are here. But that are proactive where we already through the program where it comes from. And I wonder that probably Dr. Romero will organize another seminar where we can discuss those parts where they correct how the countries in the region here or peer governments see those situations in those countries. And also in the states because of the drug consumption and so on. And maybe put some pressure on the government here and the government's health care. I don't know, maybe you'll get otherwise. I think that's a very good idea and a good thing to stop on that we could have another conference and invite representatives from some of these countries, scholars from these countries, people who are working there in the fields to inform us about whatever it is going on there to stop some of the concerns here. We'll bring them in quite often. One more. OK, and this is the last one. First of all, I would like to thank you all just all the time and effort that you actually opened to the kids. And it's really what I appreciate just by being here. I work at UTC as an art instructor. And Andrea and I just basically own this collective artist to do art projects for the kids. We went to this organization that I cannot name because you already mentioned it. But the deal is we have been there for a couple of times and really enjoy it. And then I think I want to say thank you so much for what you're doing. And I think we can actually make a change. It's not just based on money. It's based on time. And I think we can make that significantly change to actually help these kids just with time and money. So thank you so much. My heart, if you need help, you're not probably something like that. Please don't hesitate to come back to us. Andrea and Juan Mora, Andrea and Teja. So we're working just, we're very impressed on this kind of movement and this kind of kind of effort. But if you need our help in doing projects for the kids, please contact us. I mean, I would like to talk to you after this. But the main thing here is actually thank you so much for what you're doing. And thank you all.


Okay, so is he playing you? What are the signs? So today we're going to be talking a little bit about what it means to be played and we have a somebody from our community wrote in and I'm going to go through her story and we're going to talk about whether she ended up getting played or what the actual scenario is here and my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Hi Matt, I compromise myself because I was so taken aback and caught off guard that someone showed interest in me even with health issues. He's 34 and I'm 57. He is my son's friend and president of their motorcycle club. Started off innocent or so I thought he would message me checking on me to see how I was doing or if I needed anything every morning a good morning. I called him handsome. He started saying good morning beautiful. I thought it was so sweet. He comments on my smile then he commented that I showed a little cleavage from a photo that she sent to him. So it progressed to him saying that he was saying that if I kept calling him handsome he may come knocking on my door. Said he was in a relationship but miserable, wants to leave, has no place to go and would be difficult paying another child support if he did. They don't sleep in the same room. He doesn't think she cares what he does etc. Said age is only a number. In other words said all the right things. First off I want to kind of break away from this question and I just want to say that those are not all the right things. He said he's in a relationship but miserable, wants to leave, has no place to go, would be difficult paying another child support if he did. They don't sleep in the same room. He doesn't think she cares what he does. These are not the right things. These are the wrong things. These are red flags that you missed or maybe you didn't miss them because you're telling me about them. So he offered to help with things around the house, never a phone call, always only messages and of course it had to be hush hush as he didn't want to hurt my son or me, not to mention his girlfriend. And he didn't want the club to find out or he'd get kicked out of the club. Messaging continued, getting more sexual. He told me he got a hard on one time from talking, said do you want to see? I said um do you want to show me? Next pick was a d-pick or we'll just say dingaling. Next pick was a dingaling pick. And I was shocked from that point on he said he asked me to show him a pick of me, showed some cleavage then he asked for more and just there's a lot of women that I've kind of talked to where they've been like oh why do guys send d-picks? Why does they send dingaling picks right? This is why because it actually works in some scenarios and so this is a situation where it worked for a guy. He sent her a pick of his ding dong and now she's sending him pictures of his her breasts. So if anybody's wondering why guys do it it's because it works. So for anyone who yeah so next she says I told him I never do that sending naked picks. He then said if you're not comfortable then don't came off sounding like I'm prude so I showed him a pick of my breast. I compromised then I kept feeling like he wanted more and more and he asked for more wanting to see more. I obliged willingly going totally against my boundaries. I like that he was interested in me right and that's and that's one of the things I talk a lot about especially in my forever woman program. You know the reason that you're doing all this is because you're right now you're coming from this space of feeling like you haven't had any real intimacy in a long time and you don't have anything else going on and so this guy's showing you interest and so now you're doing things that you wouldn't normally do. I liked that he was interested in me wanted him to be and well it looked like at any cost. First he came over we talked then kissed a few times he started to get touchy-feely I stopped him as I was way too nervous and on fire and it had been so long since I had been touched in a sensual way. The second time he came over he said he was very attracted to me and said well maybe we could just do it this one time better than no time or he could leave right so he said maybe we could do it this one time better than no time or he could leave right so all the signs are there all the signs you didn't miss them you're telling me about them right now but what I think happened was you wanted it to be something else right you wanted this to be something else that was going on and so you ignored the signs that were there she says I liked I liked him I thought you'd want to leave oh she oh she says I was like um I thought you'd want to leave wasn't prepared for you wanting anything more because of my son then he stood up to leave but went and stood in the hallway and said I can go this way towards the bedroom or that way towards the door it's an interesting interesting thing to say pressure was on I felt so torn and like I'd never get a chance to experience this intimacy I stood there for a few minutes and nodded towards the bedroom it was weird and awkward but done that evening when he thought my son was saying stuff to other members of the club about my crush and thinking more was going on he messaged me asking if I erased all our messages he was paranoid needs to take a break from us from talking etc until club chatter calmed down but he'd be back around took a break for about a week so talking so no no talking at all I initiated talking he said yeah we could talk which is basically you chasing him at this point but messages were getting more sparse then a few days went by he had not responded to my messages then I got a message saying hey I was out without data for a few days can you keep an eye out on boxes for me they had gotten a notice to move so he was busy I found some boxes for him he came to pick them up we hooked up again told me he was going to be extremely busy work packing move in the club business etc we hardly spoke but I did see he had time to post on social media but no more good mornings no more initiating a message at all I did though here and there then after a week or two I decided to ask him if he wanted to go back to being just friends no response another time I said do you wish not to see me anymore his response was I'm sorry I'm just really swamped sounds like you're double texting there as I went back over our messages several times it almost feels like a predator grooming me him going after a woman he knew was ill lonely by herself and well I was vulnerable and open target not being a victim a victim because I willingly went for it Matt do you think he prayed or used me did I get played so I'm curious about what everybody else thinks in here do you think that she got played here's my opinion on it I do not think that you got played at all right so getting played is being lied to or taken advantage of right they pretend like there's someone they're not and that they want something that they don't want in order to get something that you wouldn't give them if they weren't acting like they wanted something else or they emotionally manipulate you in order to get what they want and that's not what happened here at least based on what you have told me and put in this that is absolutely not what happened what happened here was you were both flirting with each other and it sounds like you're both kind of coming from a space of needing intimacy needing to feel good with each other and what ended up happening was you both kind of used each other to kind of get some needs met and I think what you did was and and you know don't get me wrong I've done it before lots of people have done it plenty of women in our community have done it what I think you did was you were just so kind of enamored by what was going on with him that you ignored all of the red flags and you even kind of made them seem like they were things that you wanted to hear even though that they they aren't and so what ended up happening was you it was a very natural organic progression from you talking to each other and just chatting and him checking up on you you're calling him handsome and he's you know what what guys do is they if you're not aware of how it kind of works most guys what they do is they there's a lot of women out there right and most of those women don't want anything to do with those guys and so what the guy does is he has to go and kind of find out which women are interested in him because if he's approaching and pursuing women who aren't he's just going to stay in the friend zone and act like an idiot and everybody's going to think he's an idiot and he's going to get a bad reputation so what he does is he looks for women that are giving him signals that they want him to proceed forward and you are giving him that signal you are calling him handsome right and you're you guys were both messaging you're calling him handsome he's like oh well you know if you keep saying that I'm going to be knocking on your door and you're like oh you know and you kept playing with it and you guys kept flirting until eventually it escalated to the point that you reached physical intimacy and so I do not I don't think that you got I don't think that you got played I think that he told you exactly what was going on you chose not to pay attention to what he was saying and you got caught up in your emotions when you're and and I get it right you're just coming kind of back into the dating world you know there's this kind of opportunity you probably weren't even like it probably wasn't even on your radar you got it really excited and you jumped into it and the reason that that can happen is because you're emotionally kind of vulnerable you're you're feeling kind of this desperation and neediness to kind of get something to feel something right and so you ignore all the red flags that are you know he he he was basically he had a big bucket of flags a big bucket of red flags and he was grabbing them and he was throwing them into the air right and there was just this big kind of display of red flags flying in the air and you were like I don't care about any of that I'm moving forward with this right and so first off he's got a girlfriend and what do I say about this right never get involved in a messy situation if you don't have to and not only do you not have to you particular absolutely do not need to and you shouldn't right this is a very messy situation he's friends with your son they're in this motorcycle club he's got a girlfriend he can't do anything because there's still there's a bunch of things going on over there I mean there's so much madness and craziness going on in this situation this is about as messy as messy gets I mean this is just a big mess fest of a situation and my suggestion is that you don't get into situations like that don't mess with guys who have girlfriends don't yeah you know he tells you probably because he's emotional about it oh she's you know this she's that she's angry she's you know all these different things he told you that he has a girlfriend and that should be what stops it and you what you need to do is tell him that he needs to go figure that out before you do anything with him because you're getting yourself into a really messy situation so I'm not going to harp on that anymore than that and and then he literally told you that this was a one time thing he said we could just do this this one time you know or not or whatever right so he was he was letting you know that this potentially could just be a one time thing you know and it's possible that he was saying that as like hey you know like let's just have fun one time and you know see what happens or whatever and it's possible that he was saying that like hey I just want to do this one time and that's it but either way he told you that it's a one time thing and that or it could be a one time thing and that's that's a huge red flag that's a huge red flag that you need to pay attention to and like I said it was a natural flirting where a natural progression of flirting and moving things forward to a physical level and this isn't this isn't somebody praying on somebody it was a very mutual thing that happened and here's my suggestion for moving forward I'm not going to say that it is impossible that maybe something could end up here my my gut feeling about this right now is that what's probably going on is that there's a lot more going on with him and his girlfriend and then what he told you and what's probably going to happen is he's probably going to try to work things out with her and or there's going to be something out there's going to be some kind of drama or something else that's going to happen there and he's he's not going to be available for you at all and so my suggestion is once again get into a world of abundance go out and start dating and meeting other people and leave this guy alone leave him completely alone don't message him don't text him if he talks to you or he messages you that's fine but stop chasing him stop sending him messages stop asking him what he wants or if he still wants to see each other or you want to be friend don't do any of that don't message him at all just leave him alone and start figuring out your own stuff and start creating your own dating life and just stop just stop messing with him and if he ends up leaving his girlfriend which he may or may not then that would be an opportunity for you to possibly get together with him but I just don't think that honestly based on what you told me that's probably not going to happen anytime in the near future it's it's just probably not it's that's just the reality of the situation he's probably not going to leave her anytime soon you know I don't know what else is going on with him and his girlfriend you're talking about children and child support and all kinds of other things he's probably not going to leave her if you continue to see him what will probably happen is you'll turn into the other woman type of scenario that he needs to keep you under hush hush raps right which in my opinion I don't care who you are if you're a woman I don't think you ever should be treated like that I don't think you should ever settle for a scenario where you're under under raps where he's not excited to tell everybody about you where he can't tell everybody about you where you have to be his dirty little secret I don't think you should ever settle for a scenario like that which is what this is that's exactly what this is and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon especially because of the motorcycle club that they're in and your relationship your your son's relationship to him I mean there's there's this is so such a giant red flag of a situation so that's it


Live from Las Vegas, extracting the signal from the noise, it's the Cube! Covering IBM Insight 2015. Brought to you by IBM. Now your host, Dave Vellante and Paul Gillan. Welcome back, this is Dave Vellante called Paul Gillan wrapping up two days of wall-to-wall coverage at IBM Insight. Some of the things that we take away from this conference is I go back to some of the things I said a couple years ago, IBM has taken this analytics portfolio and has just driven a truck through the big data business, they don't use that term, we do. And has emerged number one, 17 billion dollar business, I'm saying it's well over 20 by the end of this year. It's still a collection of myriad products and services and consulting parts of the organization, but it is a massive portfolio and pretty much any problem that somebody has, IBM's got an answer. And it's very impressive. I think the other thing is we heard a lot about Watson. Watson is really hitting its stride. Watson has gone from sort of interesting, I say gimmick, it was always more than a gimmick, but interesting experiment to something that's really impacting all facets of IBM's business and directly into customers' businesses, demand seems very, very high. Big emphasis on open source and technologies like Spark. Obviously, IBM always talking about business outcomes, that's their wheelhouse. This was a good conference in the standpoint of you. Walk around the hallways here, you see business getting done. Sales guys are here, they're on their game, a lot of suits, a lot of big companies. We also heard, you know, which is unique for IBM, some startup action going on, some folks from the cloud community coming in, Radpad as an example, and a couple of others.  What are your closing thoughts? You know, I've been following this company for 30 years, more than 30 years, and the thing that's always impressed me about IBM is its capacity for reinvention. The pundits have said last rights over this company several times, the time I've been watching them, and IBM always seems to find a way to duck the grim reaper, if you will. And, you know, I got an email this morning from a colleague of mine who's been in technology, media for a long time, followed IBM for about as long as I have, and he said, when are they going to boot Rometti? This company is screwed, you know, 14 straight quarters of declining earnings, and my response was, I think they're doing all the right things.  As you said, as we've been saying throughout this event, this company is executing very well on some strategic initiatives that are differentiated. They have a direction, they have a purpose. Unlike some companies out there in their space, I think they have the ability to execute, they have the portfolio in place. And I was actually impressed with our last guest here, Andrew Juarez from Coca-Cola, who talked about IBM as a strategic partner. IBM is our partner, he said. Well, when you have companies like Coca-Cola who call you a partner, you're doing something right. And that is an asset that, you know, no cloud startup has that. So I think that this company is, they're just methodically executing on a strategy that I think is going to bear fruit for them, and we're seeing them. Seeing the analytics business, $20 billion business this year becoming really a really strategic differentiator for them. Yeah, I mean, you're right. IBM's not fumbling. They're not head faking. They're not announcing things. And then, you know, it's a big, huge strategic initiative and pulling them back. I mean, I hate to say it, my friends at HP, they do that. They announce the public cloud and they pull it back. And you're really not sure what direction they're going. What is HP all about these days? Well, I think the split of HP is a big move. I think it was inevitable and it had to happen, so that gives focus. And I think, you know, I'm more familiar with HP Enterprise, and I think that, you know, we'll see. But I do think that gives the company more focus and it allows them to actually develop a business model that doesn't have the distraction of trying to market end-to-end because that really was not their strength.  I think it's going to be interesting.  We'll see if they can get costs down. It's still a great channel and people want them to win. But from a strategy and product standpoint, it's not nearly, I mean, you compare HP to IBM and IBM's got really crisp, clear strategy. It comes across, you know, very, very strong. I would say the same is true for Oracle. You know, you listen to Larry Ellison's keynotes and it's very impressive what Oracle is doing. Really crisp, right? It's not ambiguous what they're doing. You don't walk away saying, what is their cloud all about? And there's still parts of that, by the way, inside of IBM, but particularly in cloud, but they're really getting their cloud act together. They were behind in cloud. They had to make the software layer acquisition and they're catching, they're playing catch up. And it's hard to catch up with Amazon because Amazon's running out faster than everybody else. So the key to competing with Amazon is you've got to have differentiation. Oracle, we've talked about this a number of times, has differentiation. IBM, let's bring it back to IBM. IBM clearly has differentiation. Analytics is a big differentiation play there. Applications up the stack. Watson is the secret weapon. So all those things I think bode well over time for IBM. I really agree with you. It's going to happen for IBM. The managed decline businesses are going to hit bottom and stabilize and the new growth businesses which are growing at 20, 25, 30% a year are going to overtake those. And so IBM, classic fashion, turning the cruise ship and then, but focused and making big bets in areas that are not only high growth, but transformative. Anybody can make bets. I mean, EMC made a lot of bets in high growth areas. Cloud, big data, software defined. Okay, well, turns out those bets didn't pay off in time. It still remains to be seen whether they will for IBM, but IBM is not following the pack. They're leading into these new transformative areas. And they've taken their medicine. And getting rid of Lenovo, getting rid of the X86 business was not easy. Having to pay to get rid of the semiconductor business was not easy, but that was a matter of taking their medicine and seeing that the short-term pain was worth the long-term gain. Yeah, and I think that, you do hear that a lot about, you know, Ginny's got to go. And I don't think Ginny has to go. I think Ginny is representative of the diversity at IBM. They're, you know, promote women in tech. And she came out of the strategy role. She owns this strategy. And I think IBM board wants to see this through.  It kind of feels like a long time. But look at HP. Meg Whitman, when she took that job over, said, it's going to be a five-year turnaround. And now what is that? 20 quarters. Three years into that five-year turnaround, the split is happening. You would have thought that would have happened in year one or two. Now we're into year three. It's going to be another, you know, I don't know, 12, 18 months before you see that take shape. Whereas IBM, we're well into the turnaround.  The microelectronics business was another one. You know, their storage business was one that I'm quite familiar with, which struggled for a number of years. But they're even streamlining that, moving toward a software-defined place, making the hard decisions. So, of course, what we don't see at these conferences is what's happening at the street level. So what are the global services, the sales force, the people who deal with the business partners, the people who really are responsible for selling the products, is the message trickling down to them. And that's something that you can't come out of a conference like this with answers. But I think it is, it was impressive for me to walk in the first day and see that they needed a basketball arena to hold the crowd here. Right, you feel like you're in the Boston Garden. A lot of people were here. And they were cheering and clapping and they were excited. Yeah, so, okay. Let's wrap here, Paul. I think that, so it's been a big week, big month for theCUBE. Obviously, we're here at IBM Insight. We've got, we've had four days of coverage at Oracle OpenWorld. I'm heading out there tomorrow. We're at the main stage, the official sort of Oracle OpenWorld broadcast on Howard Street. We're also on the ground inside the show floor at the Cisco booth. You know, talking to one of Oracle's partners. So a lot of action going on in, at Moscone that we're going to go check out. All right, so check out ibmgo.com. You can go there for all the on-demand videos. A ton of research on there. A lot of social action, social engagement. You'll see the keynotes. You'll see all the CUBE videos. Check out wikibon.com for all the research, siliconangle.com. Has all the videos of this show and other shows that we do. Check out crowdchat.net slash IBM Insight. That's also part of the ibmgo experience. A lot of content out there. Thanks to everybody. Andrew, great job today. Alex, Sam, and all the team. Bert, really appreciate all your efforts on, on CrowdChat helping us to, to document these events. It's really, really helpful to, so that we can fossilize Google's crawlers and see it, you know, back, when we back to the back of the office and write our analysis. So thanks for watching everybody. This is theCUBE. We're out from IBM Insight. See you next time.