Okay welcome everyone. Good afternoon. We're happy to have you with us. We have with us today former trial judge Sandra Sims and longtime criminal defense attorney Bill Harrison. And we're going to talk some more about what's going on with injustice, inequality, and their impact on the parts of our lives that make a real difference to us. One of those today we'll talk about what's the role and the impact of injustice and inequality on the elections as we go to the last 50 days before crucial votes. Bill, Sandra, your thoughts? Thank you. I'll let you go. That's a really, really good question and one that I think that a lot of people are really concerned about and actually when in essence they're really neat and necessarily be that kind of concern because I think right now we're in a place where the notion of there being the kinds of things that took place before the Voting Rights Act was enacted in 1964 are not necessarily occurring in that same way. There are some things that we need to take a look at and kind of examine the way we do polling and that sort of thing but I think that massive laws and procedures that inhibit people from voting prior to what happened in the Voting Rights Act doesn't exist like now. So people really ought to feel ready and capable of going in voting whether it's by mail or not and then where we do have issues to address. I mean there are enough agencies and there are agencies and organizations that are involved in making certain that everyone has the right to vote and that everyone can vote and I think here in Hawaii we're certainly doing something very unique with all mail, all voting by mail entirely. So I think that's kind of interesting. I don't know. What do you guys think about it? I do. I think that it's a great tool for everyone to have a say in what goes on during the elections. There can't be any further question as to how do I get there, finding time to do it, etc. All those issues go by the wayside because you can do this and just drop it in the mail. If you want to, if you're afraid of the mail, you can go down to these poll boxes and drop them in the poll boxes. So I think it opens up the voting rights to everyone whether you're older or you're busy or what have you and that's shown in the primary. So I'm really looking forward to this general election in that regard. Yeah. In fact for us in Hawaii, this last primary vote that was all mail, we had the highest turnout for a primary that they're in years because of the ease of, I like to think it's because of the ease of voting, but I don't know. Other places are feeling more challenged than we are, but I'm kind of comfortable at this point, even though there's lots of naces, a lot of noise out there about it being illegal or being rigged. I don't think that's, those are real concerns. I mean, there may be some efforts in some places to inhibit people or silence people's efforts to get out or maybe to see that that is occurring in places, but I think there are organizations like the NAACP Legal Defense Fund and other nonprofit organizations that are involved in so many communities that are making certain that everyone understands what their rights are and that they have that ability to vote and that's, I mean, that's a big thing and I think that's, and I'm involved with a number of organizations, sort of organization whenweallvote.org, which I think Michelle Obama's been involved with and really, really working to get young folks out to vote and provide materials for that. I was on a call the other day with the links and that's what we were talking about is, you know, when we all vote in ways that people are encouraged to vote, particularly young folks, so yeah, that's cool. Yeah, Chuck, my only concern nationally is the fact that with all this fake news going on, there is a tendency to raise issues that really aren't issues with regard to mail-in voting and cause people to be concerned, at least in their minds, concerned about fraud going on and things of that nature. And that concerns me because I don't want the U.S. to be like other countries where we know the voting is rigged and there's issues and people don't want to go out to vote or are afraid to vote because of the fact that they don't want to participate in a fraudulent voting scheme. So I know that there's a real push from certain segments of our society to make that happen so that there can be a challenge to the election results. So that's my only concern. Yeah, yeah, and that's mine too. I think about that and that's but the reality is that it's it can run smoothly. It can be done and I think it's not and even with the you know voting by mail and absentee at 2% because we don't get the results the day of I think the days of being able to have those all those results in on the day of the election just may not be anymore. I think we have to expect that all the tallying is going to come you know sometime after because you you know different states have different rules about when the absentee ballots can be counted you know some don't allow for them to be opened and counted before before the election before election day. So that's stuff that can could think about too. So I'm excited about it. I'm concerned about it but I think if we are if we are conscientious careful and involved you know we can do this. We can do this. I want to be where you know someone mentioned the week about having you and observers come in on elections and it and that's just you know when you thought when I first heard it was like no it was kind of calm but they were serious to think that we have raised the specter of there being such a possibility of there being this this so-called rigging that we need observers. You forget Sandy that we are a third world country here. We're heading that way. So those are really good points and I think the distinction between Hawaii where even our election commissioner acknowledged after this last primary election that the mail-in ballots went much better much cleaner with far fewer problems than the in-person polling that had for years before that. So we're a good example that it can work. We know that there are groups that are really opposed to it because statistics have shown increased votes tend to concentrate in rural areas which have tended to favor one party over the others. We know that as Bill points out there are serious intentional voter suppression problems going on in places on the mainland. In Georgia they have purged that the government has purged over 200,000 people off the voter rolls as allegedly gone missing dead whatever whether that's true or not and there's no real control of that because there's nobody behind them that second guesses or checks what they've done. So we're safe here but nationally we're not. And that presents a real problem because this is a really important election we're talking about and you know our local voting may be in order but nationally we have to be concerned and still be very vigilant that we do things right and not allow the Voting Rights Act to be and run by other procedures such as lack of a postal individual. Yeah that's just that is just weird I don't know where I is that even a real thing I'm you know some days you wonder is that a real thing and it's hard to and nowadays it really is hard to to grasp because there's so much fake news out there through socially otherwise and then through partial news outlets I mean when we were growing up we knew that there were certain newspapers and news media that was partial but nowadays you really have to be concerned as to partiality on all fronts so that that changes what we understand it gets filtered to what we learn is happening so that's the scary part. Yeah because you have to kind of look at your source when you're saying a news source you really have to look at where what that source is I always do right before I decide that something really is it's like wait let me who is this? Yeah that raises another really critical point which is if we really went by one person one vote system male problems in person problems would kind of come out as a wash and it probably wouldn't make that much difference I mean the last election there was a margin of close to three million votes so even if half of those that were questioned you still got a million and a half full margin but we don't who we've got a system that was developed by a society whose constitution is designed for a democratic republic but whose voting system is designed for a very limited electorate yeah at the time of our founding at the time of our constitution not even close to everyone had the right to vote women could not slaves could not people who are not essentially landed gentry had serious problems it was set up that way and so the electoral college vestigial system that we have now favors geographical area and rural communities heavily over concentrated urban communities it has not adapted to the over 200 years of change in the concentration of the population so we've now had two elections where the popular vote loser by substantial margins wound up being the electoral college winner clearly that is the objective of the party that is not doing well in the polls right now and those swing states that can make that electoral college difference are where the effort efforts to concentrate voter suppression voter deregistration voter discouragement all those things are happening the Georgia's Florida's Texas Pennsylvania Wisconsin Michigan yeah as you say that that whole system the electoral college basically was set up to help a specific portion of our population and really is the basis initially for systemic discrimination you know what's going to happen with that system and they set it up that way they did not want people who they believe did not share their viewpoint to be allowed to to participate in their party politics and so we go back back to what we started out this conversation about is the inequality and discrimination it starts right there we're talking about elections is that electoral college system and that's a really good point though because that electoral college system was a product of a group of people none of whom were elected representatives of colonies yeah they were kind of self designated and every one of them was part of a specific power elite at that point in time it's interesting that as the country gradually moved probably more through the influence of Lincoln than any other single president toward a more egalitarian electoral system a more balanced one that the counter push over the last few decades from Reagan's time on has been to re-concentrate the power and the wealth in electoral control and to use that for germandering for voter suppression for taking people off the voter rolls for making registration more difficult we've all seen examples during our lifetime of people who tried to register to vote who because they had not memorized the chief court of each county of their state will refuse the opportunity to do that 100 years ago no it's not it's in our lifetimes I was you know looking at the the life of Fannie Lou hammer and in a recent webinar that I was involved in and the things that she talked about in in that effort to really really move the to move the ability of people to vote to fight voter suppression in in Mississippi was just phenomenal this is a woman who was like literally beaten literally beaten um as she pursued the the the right to vote uh you may remember well maybe not vividly but you know basically the Mississippi um uh challenged party basically storming the democratic convention in uh what was it 68 or 72 to be seated um which was which was you know part and part so why we had to have that voting right so when you look at what folks like her did I mean to just totally sacrifice them their bodies their lives uh to do this and then we look at there's still these kinds of efforts to suppress still going on not not maybe in the same way nobody is I hope not beating anyone up you know who's coming to the polls but we're certainly having to be mindful and careful um about some of the suppression things that are coming up in some of those areas that you mentioned Chuck and um but I think there's also more education and more involvement particularly and I keep going back to this particularly with our young folks who are really really um this time maybe more engaged than ever um that well not ever because I think we saw that kind of movement in civil rights as well but when you think about it you know this is a generation the what do you call them the the wise or the disease or whichever ones they call themselves um this is a generation number one grew up with Barack Obama as their president so the notion of you know they're being someone who is of color in the president's office it's yeah that's just how it is but it's also a generation that you know grew up with the specter of of being shot at while you're at school which is something that you know for for us was you know the biggest thing you had to fear was to you know the three o'clock you know fight in the in the in the playground or something if there was such a thing um but those are the kinds of things that they're having to face for real um and you know with gender issues that they're having to address as well um issues with regard to you know growing coming out of foster care into adulthood so this is a generation that's you know lived through a lot seen has seen a lot and then are coming into their own to try to understand this system and I don't know that we've done such a great job of even explaining what that why that electoral system is there to most folks because mostly just don't really understand it why in the world is there what it's for they don't get it and and not really understanding that it needs to be changed whereas I think there's a generational shift that is saying it's going to change yeah I kind of feel like this is where that move is coming from much in the same way that you know the young people were involved in civil rights we're kind of kind of seeing that hopefully as well I think I maybe got more faith than the young people who are most people too no no Sandia and I'm I'm also heartening at the the fact that our young people have sort of woken up to this issue of elections and voicing their opinions and exercising their first amendment rights for a long time for many years we didn't have that there was so much apathy with the young people yes yes the movement that we grew up in that was a time of change and we all understood that and we all took the stands and positions on different things and we voiced our our you know attitudes and opinions and went to the polls and we voted and we did all those wonderful things and then there was a big lag of time where maybe we coddled our kids too much I don't know what it is I can't say but but I'm seeing a real waking now and it is really is something that we can look forward to and and hopefully we'll make uh uh substantial changes and in the way we go forward from here on out so Bill does that and Sandra does that bring us back to that really important point you raised earlier which is we may never have seen a campaign of misinformation as extensive as expensive as strategically organized and structured as what we saw in 2016 and what we're seeing exponentially greater now not just clearly undocumented from Russia and other sources but from particularly one of the parties yeah how did the young people deal with that how did they master objectively reliable choice that that I think that's a really important question that we have to look at and this new generation has to look at because you remember back in the 60s when JFK became the first president to use the the television to really go out and talk to people and get his place across and gather gather people um the you know recent administrations they understood the power of social media and they have now grasped onto it and understand that this whole group of young folks have grown up in that social media they haven't grown up in the television they haven't grown up on how we grew up by going outside talking to one another in a town square um so they really have mastered this this uh social media platform they've got those very very bright younger people around them telling them that this is where you have to focus your attention and we were amazed at our executive using tweets um and we say how could you I mean how on earth could someone ever believe you or you know look up to you when you're doing this and yet he's got millions of followers you know hundreds of millions of people are listening to him uh and it's it's it's scary in that respect so we really have to figure out how um everyone who was involved in the um the electoral process how to educate and and make these younger folks understand that that this tool that they're using is too easily abused and and that's a concern yeah it is subject to that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a good point too i'm not so where do voters especially young voters look for reliable objective truth to make their electoral choices what needs to happen to give that truth to them in ways that are both accessible and reliable is there a media failure here that is part of the problem that's part of it that's definitely part of it but but i think it goes back to what sandi said earlier on when she sees something she looks checks it out and what one amazing thing about the about the internet is that it's so vast and so you can almost find information on every subject in everybody um and so you have to do your homework uh you know we have to make sure that that these uh young millennials really do their homework and not just take what first comes off the the you know the instead of the ticker tape that in the twitter tape and as uh as valid right we have to do our homework and um i'm hopeful that and it's our responsibility and you know to teach our kids and our grandkids to do that uh and so the responsibility then falls back on us as well and not to let this go without making and properly teaching like our grandparents taught us you know and reading the newspapers and listening to the news and listening to the radio you know we have to be objective and and uh you know we have to to keep our uh inquisitiveness going on and uh and make sure we do our homework yeah and so let me ask you folks who would maybe a scarier question who we know that you folks are younger than me but in our general time period that there was a level of mistrust and opposition and questioning of elders and of authority one of the things back in the 60s that was a kind of a catchphrase was don't trust anybody over 30 right exactly okay so let's assume that there is some element of that that is a natural part of youth's resistance to and questioning of authority the scary question is has the republican party and have trump been able to turn that concept on its head in their favor by claiming to be the ones who challenged the traditional old boy authority yeah you know go ahead Sandra go ahead that's a good one I I'm not quite sure I mean there's certainly an ostensible attempt to do that but uh I I I still go back to this position of having a bit more um uh faith in the discernment and intelligence of this younger generation it is a questioning generation yes uh and it's it's certainly ones that you know they raised some of the same kind of concerns and questions we have but at the same time their ability to do more independent kind of thinking because they have access to more resources yeah you know and the thing is as I bought up earlier the this new political movement they have capitalized on the fact that being different means acting different speaking different and they really have capitalized on that you know when in our lifetimes or anyone's lifetimes would you have a president your chief executive speaking the way he does tweeting the way he does and he's separating himself from the older folks the older generation the old school um and how they did business and politics so he has really understood and capitalized or the smart people around him have understood and capitalized that sets him apart from the old guard and makes him more enticing to this new generation who don't want politicians anymore they want people who are going to do things and they see politics as his group of old folks getting together having fun amongst themselves gaining you know um riches on the backs of other folks and they don't want that anymore yeah yeah okay so coming into our last minute any wrap-up thoughts sundra i think we're going to be okay what makes you believe that i think deep down deep underneath all of the noise that we are hearing there is i think within with many of within people an ability to be more discerning that we're giving folks credit for i do believe that i absolutely believe that and just because there's a poll i think i'm getting to the place of you know polls being meaningless because i'm not sure that everyone even responds to that um and i agree i agree totally with with sandra and i think it's just basically there is a now our movement for the goodness of of people we're looking towards the good of people and i think that that will will carry us through the selection i i i think so i think so i i really think this is undercurrent of people who are just you know concerned about each other more and and and this pandemic has aided that too in some ways i think it's made us more inward directed caring directed looking at one another looking out for one another and in that maybe even in enhance some of our abilities to communicate better with each other we're not necessarily seeing in a media setting so you know i i mean it's it looks scary at times but i think we're gonna be okay there is a note who will wrap it up do the right thing for all of us


CHAPTER XXXIX. THE NEW CURITIN CHARGE. While I, I sat alone and watched, my lot in life, to live alone, in my own world of interests, much felt but little shown. Yet sometimes, when I feel my strengths most weak and life most burdensome, I lift mine eyes up to the hills, from whence my help shall come. In a rosette, Malcolm sat for some time talking to the two ladies. Then he made an excuse and set off in search of Lear. He was well acquainted with the grounds of Sandy Hollow, and could have found his way blindfolded to the lower garden. It was a quaint old pleasant, shut in with high walls, which were covered with fruit trees, wed downy peaches and nectarines and golden apricots and big yellow plums nestled their sun-kissed cheeks against the warm red bricks. In the oddly shaped beds, all manner of sweet growing things seemed to jostle each other, not forming stately rows or ordered phalanx or even gay-patent borders after the fashion of modern flower beds. But growing together in the loveliest confusion, peonies and nasturtiums, sweet peas and salviers, and everywhere crowds of roses, over arches climbing up walls, hanging in festoons over the gateway, long rows of standards guarding the path like an army of beautyous amazons, while all day long the heavy brown bees hummed round them and filled their honey bags with rifled sweets. There was a small green bench placed invitingly in a shady corner, where Lear had seated herself to rest after her labours. Malcolm thought that her figure gave the finishing touch to the picture.  But when she caught sight of the visitor, she rose so hastily that the basket was upset and the roses strewed the ground at her feet. Malcolm felt concerned when he saw how pale she had grown and how she was trembling from head to foot. But he thought it better to take no notice and to give her time to recover herself. Have I startled you? he said lightly. Let me pick up your roses for you. May I have this bud for myself? Showing her his spoil. Then, when the basket was full again, he sat down beside her. But it was Lear who broke the silence. She had not regained her colour and her voice still trembled a little. I did not know you were in the neighbourhood, she faltered, and it startled me to see you at the gate. I have not been strong since the Influenza, and even a little thing like that brings on palpitation. But you must not think I am not glad to see you. Thank you! returned Malcolm in a pleasant friendly voice. I only arrived at the Manor House last evening, so you see I have lost no time in coming over to Sandy Hollow. I wanted to see for myself how you were. You are rather too thin and unsubstantial looking, Miss Jacobi. But all the time he was saying to himself that he had never seen her look more lovely. What does it matter how one looks? She returned indifferently. You are thinner too, Mr. Herrick. But then you work so hard. Do you know, and hear her voice changed, that I saw you a few weeks ago? You did not see me, and I could not speak. You were with some friends. Lear's Manor was so significant and pregnant with meaning that Malcolm gazed at her inquiringly. I do not remember. I have so many friends, he observed in a puzzled tone. You had been to see those French pictures in the gallery, she returned, and a lady was waiting for you in her carriage. Then a sudden light broke in upon Malcolm.  But she finished his sentence quite calmly. Yes, he was there, Mr. Templeton, I mean. He was talking to a girl with fair hair and with such a nice face. Not pretty, but sweet and good. And they were laughing together. I could hear him laugh quite distinctly, my handsome was so close. Good heavens! What an escape! Malcolm said to himself inwardly, it was a near thing. Then aloud, that was Anna Sheldon, my adopted sister. She is the dearest girl in the world. But you are right, she is not really pretty. They seemed very happy, returned Lea.  Malcolm, who was a fellow sufferer, understood in a moment what she was feeling, and his kind heart prompted the remedy. Cedric has been a great deal with them lately, he said quietly. My mother and Anna know all about his trouble, and they are very kind to him. It is good for him to be with friends who can make allowances for him and help him. But he seemed happy, persisted the poor girl. And Miss Sheldon will soon make him forget things. But Malcolm shook his head. I am afraid not, he returned rather sadly. Cedric is by no means happy, though we all do our best to make him so. He has had a great shock, Miss Jacoby, and in spite of his youth he has suffered much. I wish I could tell you truthfully that he has forgotten you, but it would be a useless falsehood. We can only hope that time and change will be beneficial. And then, in the kindest manner, he sketched the outline of Cedric's projected travels, and gave her a full description of his travelling companion. Malcolm's confidence was not thrown away.  Thank you. Thank you so much, Mr. Herrick, she said gratefully, when he had finished. No one has told me anything about him, and it does me good to know. And now, will you do me a favour, turning to him? When you write next to Mr. Templeton, will you give him a message from me? May I know the message first? replied Malcolm cautiously. Then she smiled a little sadly. Ah, you do not trust me. Well, I cannot wonder at that. But my message will not hurt him. Indeed, I think it may do him good. I want you to tell him that I have been ill, but I am getting well and strong now, and that I am with a dear friend who mothers and takes care of me, and whom I love better every day, and that I am content and at peace. Tell him that I never forget to pray for him, and that my one prayer and wish is for his happiness, that I entreat him with all my heart not to let his disappointment shadow his life, that if he can forget me, it would be wiser and better to do so. But if he remembers, let him think of me as though I were dead, and already praying for him in paradise. Will you tell him this? Malcolm was silent for a moment. Then he bowed his head, and Lear saw him pencil the message rapidly in his notebook. He shall have it. Not a word shall be missed, he said briefly. Then he saw the tears of gratitude in her eyes. It will make him happier to know I am content. She whispered, Cedric has such a kind heart. You are right. I think that message will do him good, agreed Malcolm. And then Lear lifted her basket, and they walked back to the others. It was during this visit to the Manor House that in an unguarded moment Malcolm's jealously kept secret was betrayed to Mrs. Godfrey's sharp eyes. Though Malcolm never guessed the fact then or afterwards. They had been having tea in the alcove as usual, and the Colonel had just gone to the stables to give an order for the next day. Malcolm had made some humorous speech or other about his wonderful agility for a man of his age. When Mrs. Godfrey remarked innocently, How strange that you should say that, Mr. Herrick. It is just word for word what Elizabeth said when she was last here. I never saw two people think so alike. And here Mrs. Godfrey laughed quite merrily. For once before she had accused Malcolm of making Elizabethan speeches. But her laugh died away when she saw Malcolm's face. It was too sudden, and he was not prepared. But the next moment he was hanging over the parapet trying to catch a peacock butterfly, and was actually joining in the laugh. That reminds me of a funny story, he said speaking rather rapidly, of two fellows who coined each other's ideas and got rather mixed sometimes.  But Mrs. Godfrey looked thoughtfully at the distant prospect, until Malcolm's footsteps were no longer audible. I feel like a burglar, she said to herself, as though I had picked a lock and stolen something. I, to call myself a clever woman and never to guess it. But he has been too deep for me, he is very strong. One might as well try to open an oyster with one's nails as to find out anything Malcolm Herrick wishes to hide. Mrs. Godfrey's face grew more troubled. His mouth was like iron, she whispered, but his face was so white in the sunshine. Poor fellow, poor fellow, in quite a caressing tone. But you will be safe with me, even Alec shall not know. I wonder if he guesses anything. He only said yesterday that Mr. Herrick was different somehow. Ah, Elizabeth! she went on, pacing the terrace restlessly. Even wise women like you and me make mistakes sometimes. Yes, yes, you have made a great mistake, my dear. And then she went into the house to get ready for her walk. Malcolm went to Norway and wondered why he did not enjoy himself more. He had congenial companions, good sport, and the weather was distinctly favourable. But he could not get rid of his trouble. Wherever he went, in sunlight or moonlight, the shadowy presence of the woman he loved so passionately walked beside him. On the shores of the lonely field or in the pine forests, Elizabeth's bright speaking face seemed to move before him like a willow the wisp. Even in the rustle of the summer breeze in the leaves he could hear her voice. With its odd breaks and sibilant pauses so curiously sweet to his ear, I am possessed, he would say to himself. I am possessed. And indeed, with all his strength of will, he was powerless to resist that influence. Dinah still wrote to him from time to time. The woodhouse was empty, she told him. They had taken a house at Owlswater for three months. Mr. Carlyon and Theo were to be their guests. Mr. Carlyon is very far from well, she wrote. And his doctor has ordered complete rest for some months. And we think Elizabeth needs rest and change, too. So altogether it is an excellent plan. The Owlswater scheme seemed to work well. Dinah told Malcolm that Mr. Carlyon and Elizabeth were out together most of the day. Fishing, boating, or roaming over the country in search of ferns and wildflowers. The life just suits Elizabeth, she went on. She likes the quiet and freedom. And then she and Mr. Carlyon do each other so much good. He was so weak after the funeral, that it is my private opinion, but that for Elizabeth's care and devotion, he would soon have followed David. I know he thinks so himself. Father has two daughters now, Theo often says. But Elizabeth suits him best. She says it quite amiably. Theo and I keep each other company. Her favourite amusement seems visiting the cottages and talking to the women and children. They get quite fond of the red-headed lady, as they call her. But in the evening we are all together, and Mr. Carlyon or Elizabeth reads aloud. Malcolm was hard at work in his chambers, long before the sisters returned to the woodhouse. His book had proved a great success, and the leading papers had reviewed it most favourably. He had now commenced fresh work, and spent all his leisure hours at his desk. When Ammius Keston complained that the studio evenings were things of the past, Malcolm looked at him a little sadly. I can't help it, old fellow, he said gravely. My social qualities are a bit rusty, but I will behave better by and by. And then he nodded to Verity and went back to his papers and wrote on grimly, as though some unseen task-master were behind him, ready to scourge him on if he loitered. My work saved me. I had nothing else to live for, he said long afterwards. Nothing else fully occupied my thoughts and made me forget my trouble. When I was turning out copy I was almost happy. I was not Malcolm Herrick. I was the heir of all the ages entering into my kingdom. Yes, I know what you mean," replied the friend to whom he had said this. The children were stirring flowers, and there were timbrels and harps, and they had crowned you with laurel leaves, as though you were a conquering hero. Something of the sort, he returned, laughing. But you must not make fun of my sweet mistress from Parnassus. It kept me sane and cool to whom I reluctant muse. At times she frowned, and then I set my teeth hard and worked like a navvy. But when she smiled my pen seemed to fly in the sunlight, and I was warm and happy. Malcolm sent a copy of his book to Dinah, and she was not long in acknowledging it. We have both read it and think it beautiful, she wrote. I tried to read it aloud to Elizabeth, but I got so chokey over it and stopped so often that she grew impatient at last and carried off the book to finish it in her own room. She wants me to tell you how much she likes it. She has sent a copy to Mr. Carlyon. Now I am going to tell you a piece of news that will rather surprise you, but Elizabeth did not wish me to drop a hint until things were definitely settled. Mr. Carlyon has resigned his living. The doctor has told him plainly that another winter at Stokely will be too great a risk. The place is very bleak and cold, and the work far too hard. The bishop is going to put in a younger man. Mr. Carlyon is actually coming to Rotherwood, and is to take David's place. Malcolm started and frowned when he came to this. You will be surprised, of course, everyone is, but it is really a most excellent arrangement. You see, Mr. Charrington's health is not good, and as he will have to winter abroad, he really requires a curate in charge who will be responsible for the parish. The salary will be very little less than the income of Stokely. There is no house, but we have got over this difficulty. Do you remember the low grey house with the rowan tree over the gate, just by Elizabeth's home of rest, where little Kit died? It is scarcely more than a cottage, but it is very cosy and comfortable, and quite large enough for Theo and her father. There are two sitting-rooms. The larger one is to be Mr. Carlyon's study. They will not need a drawing-room, and four bedrooms, and the garden is really charming. Rowan Cottage belongs to us, so we can ask a nominal rent. I cannot tell you how happy all this makes, Elizabeth. Mr. Carlyon has been her one thought since David died. She feels it such a privilege to watch over him and attend to his little comforts. She is at work now at the cottage, getting everything ready for them, for they are expected in about a fortnight's time. But what a volume I am writing, my dear friend, and as usual about our own affairs. By the by I have never given you Elizabeth's message. She says that now you have become a celebrated author. She hopes you will not forget your old friends at the woodhouse. Of course, this was only one of her joking speeches. She makes her little jokes now and then. What she really means is that you have not been to see us for a long time, and that when you come you will be welcome. Malcolm read this letter at least a dozen times, and each time he came to the message he smiled as though he were well pleased. Nevertheless he made no attempt to go to Staplegrove. With the exception of that half-hour in the churchyard he had not seen Elizabeth since her trouble. An instinctive feeling of delicacy had warned him to keep his distance. Nearly eight months had passed, but he was still unwilling to force himself upon her, and the present moment seemed to him peculiarly un-propitious. Elizabeth's thoughts would be occupied with the preparations at the cottage. He knew her so well. She never did things by halves, and she would be at Rotherwood all day long. No, he would not go yet, he said to himself. It would be time enough when Cedric came back, and then he would go down to the wood-house as a matter of course. It cost Malcolm some effort to keep this resolution, when Cedric deferred his return week after week. When the new year opened he was at Cairo, and having a rattling good time, as he expressed it. It was not until the end of March that he and Mr. Dunlop turned their faces homeward. But Malcolm made his work an excuse and held grimly to his post. End of Chapter 39 Chapter 40 of Herb of Grace This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Herb of Grace by Rosa Neuchat Carey Chapter 40 He is my rival still. Fire that's closest kept burns most of all. I so true love should do. It cannot speak. For truth has better deeds than words to grace it. Chapter 40 Shakespeare Love is patient and content with anything. So it be together with its beloved. Jeremy Taylor It was on a bright, sun-shiny April afternoon that Malcolm at last paid his long deferred visit to Staplegrove. Cedric had been at home for nearly a week then. But he and Malcolm had already met. Cedric had spent a night at Cheney Walk before going down to the Woodhouse, and had extracted from his friend a reluctant promise that he would come down as early in the week as possible. Malcolm's assurance that he could only spare two nights was treated by the young matron with incredulity. Look here, Herrick, he returned in a lordly manner. It is no good putting on side with me. You may be a brilliant essayist, as that fellow called you, and a tip-top literary swell, but you are not going to chuck up old friends in this fashion. You are going to pay us a decent visit, or your humble servant will kick up no end of a shindy.  He repeated gravely that his engagements would only allow him to sleep two nights at the Woodhouse. And as Malcolm had made the engagements himself for the express purpose of shortening his visit, he probably knew best. Cedric grumbled a good deal and used some strong language, but he quieted down after a time, and they went on with their conversation. For Cedric had a plan in his head, and he wanted his friend's advice and cooperation. As Malcolm listened, he wondered what Dinah would think of her boy. Cedric looked at least two or three years older. He was broader, stronger, and Malcolm, even fancied, he had gained an inch in height. He was certainly a magnificent specimen of an athletic young Englishman. He had always been handsome, but in Malcolm's opinion he had never appeared to greater advantage than now. His skin was slightly tanned by sun and wind, and his hair had darkened a little. He had lost the expression of weak irresolution which admired his face, and he had evidently grown in manliness and self-restraint. His manner was still boyish at times, and Malcolm was glad to hear the old ringing laugh. Cedric's wound had been deep, but it was not incurable. Time and change of scene had been potent factors in the cure. Malcolm listened, with a great deal of interest, to the scheme that Cedric intended to lay before his sisters. It appeared that in the Barvarian Highlands he had stumbled across an old school fellow, Harry Strickland. We were chums at Haleyberry, went on Cedric. Harry was always a good sort, but his people sent him to Cambridge, so I lost sight of him. I knew his father was dead, and that an uncle had offered him a home.  But when we met in the inn that wet night, when Dunlop and I were nearly drowned getting down from the Alp, he told me that a fit of gout had carried off his uncle quite unexpectedly. Poor chap, he seems a bit lonely, observed Malcolm sympathetically. Yes, he was mooning about and rather bothered what to do next, so he was delighted at the idea of joining some of our excursions. But I will keep all that for the woodhouse, for we had no end of adventures. The daredevil Englishmen as they called us. But never mind that, I must hurry on. Harry is his uncle's heir, not that that amounts to much, but he has come into possession of a fine old farm that has been in the family for a hundred years at least, with plenty of good land, but alas, little capital. The facts of the case are these, Herrick. Roger Strickland was not a rich man, and for want of a little ready money the farm has deteriorated in value. There is plenty to be got out of the land if only more could be spent on it. They want a new barn and some outhouses, and some of the fencing is disgraceful. As for the priory itself, it is the priory farm, you know. It is an old ramshackle place, and in sore need of repair. Some of the floors are rotten, and there are holes and crannies, and the mice and rats hold high revel in the disused rooms. My dear fellow, your description is not alluring," remarked Malcolm, wondering what all this meant. Oh, I'm telling you the worst! It really is a lovely old place. Only Harry declares he would not live there alone for anything. It is supposed to be haunted by a certain evil-minded Strickland, in a green velvet suit and a powdered periwig, who drags one leg. But I will tell you the story another time. It will make your hair stand on end. Now Harry's difficulty is this. He has so little capital that he is half afraid of taking up the farm himself. And yet it is the only life he cares about. And he wants to find someone, with money to spare, who would join him in working the concern. And here Cedric stopped and looked significantly at Malcolm. Ah, I understand now," returned his friend. It is to be a sort of partnership. And so you think you would like to take to farming, eh, Cedric? Like it," returned Cedric, colouring with excitement. It is the very life I should choose. It would be just splendid for Harry and me to work together. Oh, I know what you're going to say," as Malcolm opened his lips. But wait a moment, and let me finish first. Of course I know nothing of farming, and Harry knows precious little either, but he has a good bailiff whom he can trust, and whose wife manages the dairy. What I'm going to propose is this. That Harry and I should go to the agricultural college at Syroncester for a few months, and get an idea of the business. And then, if Diner would start me with a good round sum, we could begin to get the place in order. I have set my heart on it, Herrick. And here Cedric's voice was very persuasive. And I want you to come down and talk it out with her, like the good fellow you are. I will come, of course," returned Malcolm slowly. And on the whole I am inclined to approve of your plan. But I do not think we can decide anything in this offhand way. I think the best thing would be for us to reconnoitre the place, and perhaps Mr. Strickland could accompany us. The bailiff could give us full particulars, and we might consult Mr. Strickland's lawyer if we are in any difficulty, and Cedric made no objection to this arrangement. They could go into the thing properly, of course, and there was no need to hurry matters. He only stipulated that Malcolm should come down and talk to Diner without delay. This Malcolm had already promised. And when Cedric went to bed, he felt assured that Malcolm's interest and sympathy were fully enlisted on his behalf. It is a foregone conclusion as far as Diner is concerned. He thought, as he laid his head on his pillow, Herrick can make her believe anything he likes. She has such faith in him. He is only to say that it is a capital plan, and that I shall make a first-rate farmer, and she will be ready to take out her check-book at once. Cedric went round to Twenty-seven Queensgate to pay his respects to the ladies before he started for Staplegrove. Malcolm, who had dined there that night, was amused by his mother's openly avowed admiration of their young friend. Cedric Templeton is one of the most attractive-looking men I have ever seen, she said in her most serious voice. He is very much improved in every way, and is altogether charming. I hope you agree with my mother, Anna, observed Malcolm laughing. I think Cedric's ears must be burning at the present moment. But Anna only returned rather shyly, that she thought Mr. Templeton looked extremely well. Malcolm had fixed his day, but he refused to state any hour for his arrival. There was no need to send the dog-cart for him. He would prefer taking a fly from the station. Of course he put forth business as his plea. But in reality he did not wish Cedric to meet him. The lads incessant chatter all the way to Staplegrove would have worried him excessively. It was just a year since he had seen Elizabeth, and in his heart he was secretly dreading that first meeting. Perhaps he had left it too long. He ought to have gone sooner. They would be like strangers, and the first interview would be very embarrassing to them both. Yes, he had been a fool to spare himself the pain of seeing her grief. He had kept away, banishing himself for all these months. And yet what good had it done him? It had only increased his nervousness and discomfort tenfold. He was haunted by the fear that he should find her changed, that she would be cold and distant with him. He worked himself up into such a fever at last, that halfway up the Staplegrove Hill he stopped the fly and told the driver that he wished to walk, and directed him to take his bag to the woodhouse. The walk certainly refreshed him, and by the time he reached the crow's nest he felt more ready for the ordeal. When he came to the gate that led to the woodhouse he hesitated, and then crossed the road and stood for a few moments looking down the little woodland path he remembered so well. No other place was so associated with Elizabeth. How often he had met her at this little gate, and waited for her when he knew she was coming back from Rotherwood. That day, for example, when she wore her white sun-bonnet and came along swinging her arms like an imperial milkmaid, a very queen of curds and cream. At that moment a little sharp clang of a distant gate made his heart beat suddenly. There were footsteps. Yes, without doubt there were footsteps. It was no fancy. Then at the bend of the road he could see distinctly a tall black figure, walking rather slowly and wearily along. And though he could not see her face he knew it was Elizabeth. The next minute he unlatched the gate a little noisily. He would not steal a march on her. She believed herself alone. Then she looked up and quickened her pace, and when he came up to her there was actually a smile on her face. You were fond of surprises, she said, looking at him as she gave him her hand. Am I late? Have you come to meet me? And what have you done with your luggage? I have sent it on. He returned quietly. It is such a lovely afternoon that I preferred to walk. No, I did not come to meet you. For all I knew you might have been at the woodhouse. I only had a fancy that I would like to see the woodlands again. And then I saw you coming. It is not my usual afternoon for Rotherwood, she returned quickly.  But I am there most days. You know, of course, Diner will have told you of the new interest I have there. I think Dye tells you most things, she continued, with the same glimmer of a smile on her lips. Yes, she is very good, he returned gravely. They were walking side by side now. Malcolm had hardly trusted himself to look at her, and yet nothing had been lost on him. How changed she was! That was his first thought. She looked years older. Morning did not suit her. The black hat, with its heavy trimming, seemed to extinguish her somehow. She was paler and thinner, he was sure of that, and had lost some of her splendid vitality. And yet in spite of all this, it was to him the dearest face in the world. As she made that poor little attempt at a smile, his whole heart went out to her in profound love and pity, and he forgot his own pain in remembering her trouble. Your sister told me about Mr. Carlyon, he said, as they crossed the road. I was very glad to hear from her how well it answered. He is very happy at Rotherwood, returned Elizabeth. The people seemed to take to him, and he and the vicar are like brothers, and the work exactly suits him. Theo is happy too, and that is a great blessing. We have made the cottage so pretty that I should like you to see it. Elizabeth's manner became more natural. She spoke now, as though she was sure of Malcolm's interest. He did not disappoint her. I shall certainly call there when I go to the vicarage, he returned. And then he stopped as though to take breath. I was very glad when I read your sister's letter, and knew that this new work was to come to you. It must make you so much happier. Malcolm's words were almost magical in their effect, for Elizabeth turned to him with her old eagerness. Oh, you always understand, she said gratefully. That is why it is so easy to talk to you. Yes indeed it has made me so much happier. Life is worth living when one knows there is someone in the world who depends on one for earthly comfort. Of course Mr. Carlyon has Theo, but she does not know him as I do. I'm at the cottage nearly every day. Malcolm listened and smiled, but he could not have spoken at that moment. How little she guessed how her words stabbed him. She could tell him to his face that life was worth living because there was someone dependent on her for earthly comfort. And yet she could leave him hungering and thirsting in that sad pilgrimage of his. All her thoughts and sweet ministries were for David's father. It is for him, he thought bitterly. He is my rival still, dead as well as living. She is very faithful. She will not forget him. And her heart is still close to me. Elizabeth did not seem to notice his silence. She talked on about Mr. Charrington and the new schools. And then Cedric came flying down the path to meet them, and the next moment Malcolm saw Diana smiling in the porch. After dinner that evening they gathered round the fire, for the nights were still chilly, and Elizabeth joined the circle to hear Cedric's scheme discussed. From his dark corner Malcolm watched her. In spite of her unrelieved black and absence of ornaments she was looking more like the old Elizabeth. She grew interested, and then quite absorbed in Cedric's project, and soon began discussing it with her won'ted vivacity. When Malcolm made some damping remark she argued the point with him in a most peremptory fashion and was quite Elizabethan in her rebuke. That is the worst of talking to a lawyer, she said severely. His legal mind takes such cut-and-dried views. Granted that it is a speculation. It seems a promising one. And nothing venture, nothing have. I don't know how you feel, Die, but I am quite willing to do my share. Then Diana, who is in quite a flutter of excitement and pleasure, looked at her adviser in a timid, deprecating fashion. If Mr. Herrick thinks we are not imprudent, I should like to do as Cedric wishes, she replied, though there is no need to touch your money, Betty. But Elizabeth took no notice of this remark. I have a proposal to make, she went on, in such an animated voice that Malcolm started. Why should we not all go down and see the place? And Mr. Strickland could come too. Donathan is only three hours from town. It would be a sort of picnic excursion, and I know Diana would like it. Bravo, Betty! What a brick you are! exclaimed Cedric boisterously, and Malcolm observed in a low voice that it was an excellent idea. But when they talked it over quietly, they found an amendment was necessary. It would be impossible to go and return the same day. There was the farm to inspect, and most likely they would have to consult the lawyer. The matter ended by Cedric volunteering to go back with Malcolm when he returned to town, and talk the matter over with Harry Strickland. And if any decent lodgings could be found in the little town of Donathan, they would stop at least one night. As early a day as possible was to be fixed, and all the arrangements were to be made by the gentlemen. Diana was evidently charmed with the prospect of seeing the Priory. But Elizabeth Zarda quickly cooled when she found it would be necessary to remain the night. I suppose you could not go without me, Di, she observed when alone with her sister. Then Diana's face fell. Oh, Betty, dear! That would spoil everything, she said in a distressed tone. Surely you want to see, dear Cedric's future home? Of course I want to see it, returned Elizabeth, rather shortly. Only I should have preferred going down quietly a little later on. Which was somewhat contradictory, as she had herself proposed the plan. But perhaps the delighted look on Malcolm's face when he heard her proposition had somewhat alarmed her. For the next day she was a little cool and distant in her manner to him. And left his entertainment to Diana and Cedric. End of Chapter 40 Chapter 41 of Herb of Grace This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Herb of Grace by Rosa Neuchat-Carry Chapter 41 You can be Diana's friend. Sometimes I said, This thing shall be no more. My expectation wearies and shall cease. I will resign it now and be at peace, yet never gave it all. Christina Rosetti Various complications prevented the Templeton-Strictland picnic, as Cedric termed it, from being speedily carried out. And it was not until the middle of May that a day was definitely fixed. And Cedric brought his sisters up to Waterloo, where Malcolm and Mr. Strickland met them. The whole party were to be housed at the Priory, where they were to sleep two nights. There were plenty of good bedrooms, Harry Strickland told them. And in a rough, homely fashion he could undertake that they should be comfortable. He had already been down to the Priory to look after things, and to tell Mrs. Renshaw that she must find some temporary help. He would have brought down a hamper of delicacies from Fortlemann Mason, but Cedric remonstrated with him, and said his sisters would much prefer simple country fare. And then Harry gave orders to his bailiff, that the plumpest chickens and the fattest ducks were to be sacrificed, and new-laid eggs and cream served at Libiton. Malcolm always looked back on those two days as the saddest and yet the most beautiful he had ever known. For what sadness can be equal to that of being with the person one loves best in the world, and yet being conscious of a great dividing gulf that never narrows. And yet in spite of this, what happiness, to know that one roof would cover them for two days. Malcolm was in that condition when he was thankful for even fragments and crumbs. A kind smile and a proving word from Elizabeth made his heart beat more quickly. As for Dinah, she was in Seventh Heaven. The country was lovely, the priory, a beautiful, picturesque old place, with leaded casements and a deep porch, and a wonderful neglected garden, a veritable wilderness of sweets. She liked everything, admired everything. She thought Harry Strickland a thoroughly nice fellow, and she and Elizabeth wondered all over the house, suggesting improvements in their practicable, sensible way, and full of admiration for the fine oak staircase and some really beautiful cabinets and benches on the landing place and in the best parlours. Roger Strickland had always called them parlours, the oak parlour and the cedar parlour. The latter a charming room with a fine ceiling, cedar lined panels, and a cosy nook by the fireplace covered with quaint tapestry. Elizabeth fell in love with this room directly. She insisted that a certain cabinet she had seen upstairs should be brought down to the cedar parlour, and that an empty recess should be fitted up for books. And the young men listened to her quite meekly. Her reforms and alterations became so sweeping and extensive at last that Malcolm, who at first had been only amused, grew seriously alarmed. We must see what Mr Atkins thinks, he kept observing. We must decide on nothing without him. Mr Atkins was the lawyer who had managed all the Strickland business, and they were to drive into Donaghton that very afternoon to consult him. Nevertheless, when Malcolm made his little protest, Elizabeth only shrugged her shoulders and muttered something about cautious legal minds under her breath. Good for you, Betty, that we have a lawyer handy! Observe Cedric in high good humour. Or you would be ruining yourself and diner too. No, no, Herrick is right. We will mend the holes and lay down fresh flooring where it is absolutely necessary, and do any cleaning and painting that are required, but the rest can keep for a while. The parlours and two decent bedrooms are all we shall require. And then they went off to see the dairy. They drove into Donaghton after an early dinner. But on arriving at the lawyers, Elizabeth suddenly remarked that they were far too large a party, and that she meant to do a little sightseeing on her own account. So as they knew of old that it was useless to argue with her, they went inside, and from over the wire blind in the dingy front room, Malcolm watched her crossing the butter market in the direction of the ancient churchyard that skirted one side of it. It troubled him to hear a bell toll as she passed through the little gate, and a moment later a funeral procession, following a small coffin, evidently of a child, climbed slowly up the steps. After that he resigned himself to a long, tedious hour. The room was hot and airless, the lawyer very prosy and unnecessarily fluent, but he seemed a straightforward honest man, and gave them good counsel. Malcolm was soon put into possession of all the Strickland bequest, and after this it was all plain sailing. The land was good, and though the farm had deteriorated a little, judicious management and a moderate outlay would soon put things on a different footing. This was Mr. Atkins' opinion. He had himself suggested that a partner with some capital should be found. Some final arrangements were made after this. Then Cedric suggested that they should have teared the inn, and Malcolm volunteered to go in search of Elizabeth. He felt sure that he should find her still in the churchyard, and he was right. She was standing near one of those dreary monuments which affectionate relatives loved to raise to their departed friends in the early Victorian era. There was old time with his beard and scythe, a broken column, veiled mourners, and a dejected looking cherub, and the stiff funereal urn. But Elizabeth was looking at a cluster of grassy mounds under a yew-tree, with simple headstones and here and there a cross. She looked up at Malcolm with a quiet smile. Have they sent you to find me? she asked. It is so nice and peaceful here. I like to think of all those tired workers resting after their labours, their work done. I think you make a mistake there. Returned, Malcolm. Falling at once into her vein of thought. Resting, true. But their work is certainly not finished. It is only broken off, because probably they have reached a part that can only be carried on under certain conditions. Elizabeth turned round in her quick way. Say that again? she exclaimed eagerly, and Malcolm repeated his speech. I like that, she murmured, if one could only grasp that thought. There is no difficulty, surely, he replied. People often talk of continuity of life and continuity of love, and why not continuity of work? Think of all the thousands of workers who have gone hence, many of them in the prime of their use or manhood. Votaries of science, of art. Pioneers, missionaries. Soldiers of the cross, and soldiers of the queen. A vast army that no man can number. Here, Malcolm paused. Yes, yes! Oh, please go on! Elizabeth was drinking in his words as though they were new wine. You know what the wisdom of Solomon says. In the sight of the unwise, they seem to die, and their departure is taken for misery. But, looking at her with a smile, you and I know better than that. And you think, as Mr. Carlyon does, that there will be active life and work there? And Elizabeth's large, sad eyes were full of yearning as she asked the question. How could I face the future if I did not believe it? returned Malcolm earnestly. Why are these talents, these gifts of genius, this thirst for knowledge given to us, if they are not to be developed and turned to account hereafter? Think of the conditions under which such work will be done.  The wisdom of the ages around us. The great ones of the earth, in whose footprints we have striven to walk, beside us, in the fullness of their majesty. No hindrances, no physical weakness, no painful conflict between the human will and the clouded intellect. The air of all the ages will have entered his goodly heritage. Oh, forgive me! checking himself abruptly, for the tears were streaming down Elizabeth's cheeks. No, no, it has been such a comfort. I shall not forget. You have done me so much good. And then she wiped away her tears and tried to smile, and by the time they reached the inn she had regained her composure. During their drive home Malcolm occupied the seat next to her in the wagonette, and Dina, who was opposite to them, noticed that Elizabeth talked more to him than she had done since that unlucky afternoon at the pool, and that Malcolm looked unusually happy. But his content was of short duration. The next morning, as they were waiting for the wagonette to take them to the station, Elizabeth wandered into the deserted garden, and Malcolm, who followed her, found her standing under a gilder rose-tree, picking some of the snowy blossoms. She greeted him with a smile. This reminds me of Cedric's nursery days, she observed.  Powder-puffins, he used to call them. What a pretty little fellow he was, to be sure. Well, Mr. Herrick, as Malcolm made no reply, so our little jaunt is at an end. It has really been very pleasant. Don't you think so? I have enjoyed it, returned Malcolm. He spoke with marked emphasis. Oh, so have we all! she replied lightly. It is so delightful to see those two boys so ridiculously happy. For both Cedric and Harry Strickland had behaved during breakfast time like a couple of crazy schoolboys. You have helped to make them so, observed Malcolm, meaningly. Oh, no! in a careless tone. Diner is taking the lion's share. If I had had my way I should have restored this beautiful old place, but two lawyers are enough to crush any woman. I am only thankful that we were able to check such sinful extravagance. He returned calmly. I believe generosity can degenerate into positive vice. But Elizabeth refused to listen to this. If it had been Cedric's house I would have done it up from Garrett to Basement, she said willfully. Anyhow, I mean to take the garden in hand. When you come down to the woodhouse next you shall hear all my plans, and, of course, we shall have one of our old fights over them. Now what was there in this speech to cause such a curious revulsion in Malcolm's mind? Elizabeth was speaking with the utmost good humour, and at any other moment he would have thought her imperiousness charming. So what possessed him to draw himself up and say rather stiffly that he feared that it would be some time before they saw him at Staple Grove? You know I am going abroad this summer with my mother and Anna Sheldon," he continued gravely. We are going to the Engadine and the Italian Lakes. But that is not until August, returned Elizabeth, rather taken aback by Malcolm's sudden gravity. She had been so pleased with him the previous afternoon. Her liking for him had deepened, and she felt a genuine desire for his friendship. In her secret heart she knew how well he had behaved, and was grateful to him for his delicacy and tact. But at this moment she felt as though she had received a douche of cold water. That is not until August. It is only May now, she repeated rather seriously. Yes, I know. But here Malcolm lost his self-command. Perhaps the May sunshine dazzled him, or the soft friendliness of Elizabeth's eyes and that unvarying kindliness tried his endurance. But for once the underlying bitterness found vent. I cannot come before I go abroad. You of all people ought not to expect it. You must know how I feel, that it is not good for me. When I am with you I can scarcely endure my pain. He spoke harshly, almost flinging the words at her, but she answered him quite humbly. Forgive me. I did not want to hurt you. In a trembling voice I did not understand. No, you have never understood. But there was no conciliation in his tone. You make things harder for me. Elizabeth, I ought not to have said this, but the happiness of these two days has been too much for me. I will keep away until I have regained mastery over myself, and then I will come. If you want me, if there be anything that I can do for you or your sister, you must send for me. I could not do that. She returned, averting her face, and showers of white petals powdered the ground at her feet, as her nervous fingers unconsciously stripped the stalks. You have made that impossible. And then she continued impulsively. Mr. Herrick, you must believe how sorry I am. You have been such a friend, such a true, kind friend, and I have been so grateful to you. I can never be your friend, Elizabeth. There was a sad finality about Malcolm's tone that made Elizabeth shrink from him almost timidly. Can you not? She returned with a little sob. But you can't be Diana's friend. Do not let her suffer because of this. If we are both unhappy, there is no need that she should be. And you are one of her greatest comforts. You are right, replied Malcolm more gently, and I shall always be at Miss Templeton's service. I know you tell her everything. Will you let her know this? When she wants me, when either of you want me, I will come, if needs be, from the ends of the earth. You will believe this. I always believed Diana's friend. She returned. In a voice he hardly recognized it was so soft and full of feeling. But how I shall miss mine. And here Elizabeth's eyes were very sad. She looked at the bare flower stalks in her hands rather remorsefully, before she threw them away and returned to the house. On their way to the station, Malcolm occupied a seat next to the driver. Now and then Elizabeth glanced up at the broad shoulders a little wistfully. How silent he was! She did not once hear his voice. While they waited for the train, he and Harry Strickland paced up and down the platform. The train was rather full. One or two strangers were in their compartment.  At Waterloo a silent handshake was all that passed between him and Elizabeth. And even to Diana he said little.  It was far better for her to know the truth. He understood her so well. She was not dense, but she was willfully blinding her eyes. Very likely she was misled by his calm matter-of-fact manner. She thinks I have got over it, that I have come to my senses, and accepted the inevitable, that we can be friends in the comfortable, approved fashion. Here Malcolm's eyes flashed with sudden fire. But she has found out her mistake. No, there shall be no more deception. When I see her again I shall wear my true colours, though heaven forbid that I should persecute her with attentions that only embarrass and distress her. No, you are safe with me, dear, he murmured inwardly.  I am Diana's friend, but your lover, Elizabeth, and must be as long as I have life and breath. And somehow this solemn avowal of his heart secret did Malcolm good. But Diana noticed that Elizabeth was more than unusually depressed for some time after their return to the wood-house. End of Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Please visit LibriVox.org Wurly gig of time, give what you have, to some it may be better than you dare to think. Long fellow, the possible stands by us ever fresh, fairer than ought which any life has owned, and makes divine amends. Jean Ingello, two years had passed away since Malcolm had uttered his passionate protest in the Priory Garden that May morning, when the white petals of the golden roses in Elizabeth's hand lay like snow on the gravel path. And all this time he had sternly adhered to his resolution. In those two years he had only paid four visits to the wood-house, and on two of these occasions Elizabeth had been absent. Each time he had come on Diana's invitation to give her the help and counsel she needed, and more than once he had met her at twenty-seven Queensgate, for Cedric had had his way, and had effected an introduction between his sisters and Mrs. Herrick. And as they had mutually taken to each other a pleasant intimacy had been the result, and Anna had paid two or three visits to the wood-house. From the first moment of their meeting Anna had fallen in love with Diana. You must not think that I do not care for Miss Elizabeth Templeton. She had observed rather shyly to Malcolm after her first visit to Staplegrove. For I admire and like her more than I can say, and I am never tired of talking to her. But I do love my dear Miss Diana. And indeed Diana accepted the girl's innocent worship with great kindness. She is a dear child, and Elizabeth and I are very fond of her, she wrote once to Malcolm. The thought that someone else is fond of her too makes me very happy. For at this time it was evident to all Cedric's friends that a mutual attachment was growing up between him and Anna. The years had not been unfruitful to Malcolm, and his name as a powerful and successful author was firmly established. He no longer held his appointment, and had given up his dingy chambers in Lincoln's Inn. His own work fully occupied him, and thanks to his literary receipts and his mother's generosity he realised a good income. To his own regret, and to his friends also, he was no longer a member of the Keston Monage. He had outgrown his homely quarters, and now occupied one of the new flats in Cheney Walk, and lived in quite a palatial fashion. Though many a pipe was still smoked in Amias's studio, Malcolm had emerged from his shell, and mixed freely in society. His was a name to conjure with, and all the people best worth knowing gathered round him, and delighted to do him homage. Elizabeth used to read his name sometimes in the columns of the Times and the Morning Post. He seems to go everywhere and to know everyone, she observed once to Diana. I am afraid he will be terribly spoiled. But she only said it to tease Diana. She knew that Malcolm Herrick had no overweening estimate of himself, that in spite of his success and his many friends, and all the smiles and adulation lavished on him, at heart he was a lonely man. Perhaps in her way Elizabeth was lonely too. In spite of her devotion to David's father, there were times when the narrowness of her life oppressed her. When her broad sympathies and strong vitality seemed to cry out for a larger life, for a wider outlook, when she trod the woodland paths with a sense of weariness. The same path day after day. How tired one gets of it all! she said to herself, one May afternoon, as she came in sight of the porch where Mr. Carlyon was reading tranquilly, and enjoying the sweet spring air. The curate in charge looked slightly older, and had taken to spectacles. But otherwise there was little change in him. On the whole his existence was a very peaceful one. He loved Rotherwood, and the simple, kindly folk amongst whom he lived. His books and Elizabeth's society were his chief pleasures. If the day passed without seeing her, Theo noticed that he grew restless and preoccupied, and finally went across to the wood-house, on some excuse or other, to assure himself that nothing was amiss. Father thinks that there is no one like Elizabeth, Theo would observe. Nothing that she says or does is wrong. If he had his way, they would never be apart. And Theo was right.  For as she seated herself on the wooden bench beside him, he patted her hand in his tender, homely way. What is it, my dear? he asked gently. You look tired, Elizabeth. Do I? she returned absently. I feel as though I could walk ten miles with pleasure. That is the worst. I am so strong that nothing tires me. Sometimes, I fancy, it would be a pleasant experience to be honestly fatigued in some good cause. How one would sleep after it? I thought you always slept well, dear. Oh, so I do. Often I fall asleep as soon as my head is on the pillow. But I wake early. The first twitter of the birds rouses me. And then life looks so long. Elizabeth spoke in a dejected tone. Come and walk was Mr. Carlyon's only answer to this. I have been writing my sermon all the morning, and I feel a bit stiff and head-a-key. Let us go down the valley. And as Elizabeth made no objection to this, he got his hat and stick, and they salad forth together. Outside the gate they came upon the vicar, and the three walked on together, as Mr. Charrington intended calling at the crow's nest. Elizabeth had been very silent all the way, and had left the conversation to the two gentlemen. When Mr. Charrington had quitted them, they turned into the long woodland path that skirted the valley. It was a beautiful spot, and a favourite resort of Elizabeth. She loved to breathe the spicy incense of the pines, and to watch the shadows move across the valley. As they seated themselves under the clump of firs, they could look down into the dark woods far below. All round them were heather, bracken, whirtleberries and brambles, and later on the hillside would be a glory of purple. Well, Elizabeth, what is it? asked Mr. Carlyon, as she sat beside him in a brown study, and her brow puckered and lined with thought. I am sure I have been patient enough. Then she started and laughed a little nervously.  I am so ashamed of myself, for I ought to be in such good spirits. The young people have come to an understanding at last. Cedric and Anna have written to Dina. I left her crying for joy over their letters. I do not wonder at that. Miss Sheldon is a sweet girl. Cedric thinks she is perfect. I wish you could have seen his letter. He is rapturously happy. And Anna writes so sweetly. She says it seems like a dream, that she can hardly believe in her happiness, that she does not deserve it, and that Cedric is everything that she could desire. Ah, they are young. Life does not seem long to them, does it, Elizabeth? She smiled and shook her head. Cedric is going to bring her down on Wednesday, and he wants Mr. Herrick to come too. Dina means to ask him, I believe. I tell her that he is far too busy and important to personage, to trouble with our small family concerns. But Dina was quite indignant when I said that. She has greater faith in his friendship, you see. But to this Elizabeth made no answer. She went on talking with assumed eagerness of the young couple. Cedric intends to be married soon, she said. Mr. Strickland is going to let them have the priory, and has taken a cottage for his own use. How charmed Anna will be when she sees it. The garden is a dream of beauty, and the house is delightful. For each summer she and Dina had spent weeks at the priory, and had succeeded in transforming the place. Anna would have a lovely home, and the simple country life would be far more to her taste than ever town had been. Even Mrs. Herrick, who would feel her loss keenly, owned this. And Mr. Herrick is to be asked on this grand occasion? I am glad of that, Elizabeth. And here Mr. Carlyon pushed up his spectacles and peered at her in his mild, short-sighted way. Do you know, my child, there is something I have been wanting to say to you for a long time, and I may as well say it now. Elizabeth looked at him rather apprehensively. There was something significant in his manner. Something? What do you mean? she faltered. You have been a dear good daughter to me, he went on, clearing his throat from a slight huskiness. And if you were my own flesh and blood you could not be more to me. We have so much in common, have we not, my dear? And then we both loved David. Yes, yes, she murmured, and the reddy tears sprang to her eyes. We mourned for our dear boy together, he went on slowly, and groped our way hand in hand through the darkness. How unhappy we were three years ago. Even now it is painful to look back on those days. But thank God time and his grace have helped us, and we no longer suffer. I am not so sure of that, returned Elizabeth in a low voice. But he seemed not to hear her. You have been very faithful, Elizabeth. If you had been David's widow, you could not have mourned for him more deeply. But as David's father I would bid you more no more. She stared at him with parted lips, but the words would not come. Why should you spoil your life, Elizabeth? You are only thirty-five.  Why is your heart to be empty, and your arms unfilled because our precious boy is in paradise? Do you know, my dear, we often spoke of this, he and I? Thank God there were no secrets between us, and he told me, more than once, that the thought of your future was always on his mind.  She was weeping now, though the tears came very quietly. If he had only talked to me, she murmured. He tried to do so more than once, returned Mr. Carlyon. But each time you stopped him. Would you like me to tell you what he said as well as I can remember his words?  It was at Ventner, and very near the end, and he was talking about you. Living or dying, you were his one thought. I know she will grieve, he said to me. But, Father, you must not let her grieve too long. I think it would trouble me, even in paradise, if such a thing could be, if I thought I had spoiled her life. Elizabeth is made for happiness. She must not waste her sweetness. And then, shall I go on? But all the same he did not wait for consent. It was then that David told me something that I had guessed before, that someone else loved you and loved you dearly. I am right, am I not, Elizabeth? No answer, but he could see how her hands clutched each other as though in sudden agitation. I was beforehand, and he had no chance. David went on. But he is my superior in everything. He was always so humble in his own estimation, dear fellow. Father, Malcolm Herrick worships the ground she walks on. One day he must have his reward. Oh, hush, hush, for pity's sake! And Elizabeth stretched out her hand to stop him. But he detained it gently. Elizabeth, three years are long enough for mourning. And Mr. Herrick has been very patient. Why should another life be spoiled? Why should you doom him as well as yourself to loneliness? I have not forgotten his look that evening, when you were singing to us. It was the look of a man who is starving for a little happiness. For the comfort and sweet sustenance that only a wife can give him. There, I will say no more. I have discharged my conscience and repeated my boy's words. I trust they have not been spoken in vain.  But no word escaped his lips. Then he rose. And after a moment Elizabeth joined him, and they walked back silently together. You are not vexed with me, my dear," he asked anxiously, when they parted at the gate of Roan Cottage. Then Elizabeth raised her sad eyes to his. Why should I be vexed? You are always so kind, so kind. But you have said things that have troubled me. And she left him, and walked on rapidly until she found herself in the familiar woodland path. And then she unconsciously slackened her pace. She felt strangely shaken and agitated. The words her old friend had spoken had thrilled her, as though by an electric shock. It was a message from the dead. Half involuntarily she sank down on the bank in the very spot where Malcolm had picked the honeysuckle. She knew what it was to be tired now. For the moment she felt weak and powerless as a little child. Over and over again she repeated dumbly Mr. Carlyan's words. How could she doubt that David had spoken them, when he had tried with loving unselfishness to say them to her? Would she ever forget the tender solemnity of his manner? Elizabeth, life is long, as you say. And your great loving heart must not remain unsatisfied. Do not mourn for me too long. Do not refuse comfort that may be offered to you, if you can be happy, dear. But she had stopped him, and he could say no more. Truly, as his father had said, living or dying, she had been his one thought. Oh, how good you were to me, David! she whispered. She rose and paced restlessly to and fro, while a bright-eyed Robin watched her from a hazel-twig. For other words, besides David's, were haunting her, and had been haunting her for two years, though she had vainly tried to forget them. Sometimes she would wake from sleep with her heart beating, and those sad, reproachful words sounding in her ears. I can never be your friend, Elizabeth. And again, if either of you want me, I will come, if needs be, from the ends of the earth. Would she ever forget the look on his face, as he said this? She had told him, then, that she should miss him. In these two years she had only seen him twice, and each time some strange embarrassment on her part had seemed to estrange them still more. He was Diana's friend, not hers. From her he would have all or nothing. And yet, as time went on, and that vast loneliness of life pressed on her more and more, and her woman's spirit seemed to wander through waste-places, seeking rest and finding none, that silent, patient love that seemed to enfold her from a distance began to appeal to her more strongly. Why should another life be spoiled, Mr. Carlyon had said. Ah, why indeed, she murmured.  I have tried him too much, she thought. There are limits even to his patience. Last time I noticed a change. He is growing weary. Perhaps he has seen someone else. And here she choked down something like a sob, and hurried on. Diana wondered what was amiss with her that evening. She seemed so listless and silent, and took so little interest in the absorbing topic of Cedric's engagement. The young couple were to arrive the following afternoon, and Diana had arranged to drive to Earlsfield to meet them. As they sat down to luncheon, she said to Elizabeth, I am so glad that Mr. Herrick has promised to come to-morrow. I have just had a telegram from him. And she handed it to her sister. Elizabeth was rather a long time reading it. She will be with you by dinner time. She will take fly. Stay two nights. Is it not good of him to come when he is so dreadfully busy? continued Diana in her placid, satisfied voice. Cedric will be delighted to have him. Do you think we ought to ask Theo and Mr. Carlyon to dinner, or would Mr. Herrick prefer just a family party? Oh! I think a family party would suit him best! returned Elizabeth gravely. Theo rather bore him with her parish talk. And Diana said no more.