CHAPTER XI. A NICOLE PLATED EMPEROR Tip awoke soon after dawn, but the scarecrow had already risen and plucked with his clumsy fingers a double handful of ripe berries from some bushes nearby. These the boy ate greedily, finding them an ample breakfast, and afterward the little party resumed its journey. After an hour's ride they reached the summit of a hill, from whence they aspired the city of the Winkies, and noted the tall domes of the Emperor's palace rising from the clusters of more modest dwellings. The scarecrow became greatly animated at this sight, and exclaimed, How delighted I shall be to see my old friend the Tin Woodman again! I hope that he rules his people more successfully than I have ruled mine. Is the Tin Woodman the Emperor of the Winkies? Asked the horse. Yes, indeed. They invited him to rule over them soon after the wicked witch was destroyed, and as Nick Chopper has the best heart in all the world, I am sure he has proved an excellent and able Emperor. I thought that Emperor was the title of a person who rules an empire, said Tip, and the country of Winkies is only a kingdom. Don't mention that to the Tin Woodman, exclaimed the scarecrow earnestly. You would hurt his feelings terribly. He's a proud man, as he has every reason to be, and it pleases him to be termed Emperor rather than King. I'm sure it makes no difference to me, replied the boy. The saw-horse now ambled forward at a pace so fast that its riders had hard work to stick upon its back, so there was little further conversation, till they drew up beside the palace steps. An aged Winky, dressed in a uniform of silver cloth, came forward to assist them to a light, said the scarecrow to his personage. Here was at once to your master, the Emperor. The man looked from one to the other of the party in an embarrassed way, and finally answered, I fear I must ask you to wait for a time. The Emperor is not receiving this morning. How is that? Enquired the scarecrow anxiously. I hope nothing has happened to him. Oh, no! Nothing serious. Returned the man. But this is his Majesty's day for being polished, and just now his august presence is thickly smeared with putz pomade. Oh, I see, cried the scarecrow greatly assured. My friend was ever inclined to be a dandy, and I suppose he is now more proud than ever of his personal appearance. He is indeed, said the man with a polite bow, a mighty Emperor has lately caused himself to be nickel-plated. Good gracious! The scarecrow explained that hearing this. If his wit bears the same polish, how sparkling it must be! But show us in, I am sure the Emperor will receive us even in his present state. The Emperor's state is always magnificent, said the man. But I will venture to tell him of your arrival, and will receive his commands concerning you. So the party followed the servant into a splendid ante-room, and the saw-horse ambled awkwardly after him, having no knowledge that a horse might be expected to remain outside. The travellers were at first somewhat awed by their surroundings, and even the scarecrow seemed impressed, as he examined the rich hangings of silver cloth caught up into knots and fastened with tiny silver axes. Upon a handsome-centered table stood a large silver oil can, whichly engraved with scenes from the past adventures of the tin woodman, Dorothy, the carly lion, and the scarecrow, the lines of the engraving being traced upon the silver in yellow-gold. On the walls hung several portraits, that of the scarecrow seeming to be the most prominent and carefully executed, while a large painting of the famous Wizard of Oz, in act of presenting the tin woodman with a heart, covered almost one entire end of the room. While the visitors gazed at these things in silent admiration, they suddenly heard a loud voice in the next room exclaim, Well, well, well, what a great surprise! And then the door burst open, and Nick Chopper rushed into their midst and caught the scarecrow in a close and loving embrace that creased him into many folds and wrinkles. My dear old friend, my noble comrade, cried the tin woodman joyfully, How delighted I am to meet you once again! And then he released the scarecrow and held him at arm's length, while he surveyed the beloved painted features. But, alas, the face of the scarecrow and many portions of his body bore great blotters of putz-pommade, for the tin woodman, in his eagerness to welcome his friend, had quite forgotten the condition of his toilet, and rubbed the thick coating of paste from his own body to that of his comrade. Dear me, said the scarecrow dolefully, What a mess I am in! Never mind, my friend, returned the tin woodman, I'll send you to my imperial laundry, and you'll come out as good as new. Won't I be mangled? asked the scarecrow. No indeed, was the reply. But tell me, how came your majesty here, and who are your companions? The scarecrow, with great politeness, introduced tip and jack-pumpkin-head, and the latter personage seemed to interest the tin woodman greatly. You are not very substantial, I must admit, said the emperor, but you are certainly unusual, and therefore worthy to become a member of our select society. I thank your majesty, said Jack humbly. I hope you are enjoying good health, continued the woodman. At present, yes, replied the pumpkin-head with a sigh, but I am in constant terror of the day when I shall spoil. Nonsense, said the emperor, but in a kindly sympathetic tone. Do not I beg of you dampen to-day's sun with the showers of tomorrow, for before your head has time to spoil, you can have it canned, and in that way it may be preserved indefinitely. Tip, during this conversation, was looking at the woodman with undisguised amazement, and noticed that the celebrated emperor of the Winkies was composed entirely of pieces of tin, neatly soldered and riveted together into the form of a man. He rattled and clanked a little as he moved, but in the main he seemed to be most cleverly constructed, and his appearance was only marred by the thick coating of polishing paste that covered him from head to foot. The boy's intent gaze caused the tin woodman to remember that he was not in the most presentable condition, so he begged his friends to excuse him while he retired to his private apartment and allowed his servants to polish him. This was accomplished in a short time, and when the emperor returned, his nickel-plated body shone so magnificently that the scarecrow heartily congratulated him on his improved appearance. That nickel-plate was, I confess, a happy thought, said Dick, and it was the more necessary, because I had become somewhat scratched during my adventurous experiences. You will observe this engraved star upon my left breast. It not only indicates where my excellent heart lies, but covers very neatly the patch made by the wonderful wizard when he placed that valued organ in my breast with his own skillful hands. Is your heart, then, a hand organ? Asked the pumpkin head curiously. By no means responded the emperor with dignity. It is, I am convinced, a strictly orthodox heart, although somewhat larger and warmer than most people possess. Then he turned to the scarecrow and asked, Are your subjects happy and contented, my dear friend? I cannot say, was the reply, for the girls of ours have risen and revolted and driven me out of the emerald city. Great goodness! cried the tin woodman. What a calamity! They surely do not complain of your wise and gracious rule? No, but they say it is a poor rule that don't work both ways. Answer the scarecrow. And these females are also of the opinion that men have ruled the land long enough, so they have captured my city, robbed the treasury of all its jewels, and are running things to suit themselves. Dear me, what an extraordinary idea! cried the emperor, who was both shocked and surprised. And I have heard some say, said tape, that they intend to march here and capture the castle in the city of the tin woodman. Ah, we must not give them time to do that, said the emperor quickly. We will go at once and recapture the emerald city and place the scarecrow again upon his throne. I was sure you would help me, remarked the scarecrow in a pleased voice. How large an army can you assemble? We do not need an army. replied the woodman. We four, with the aid of my gleaming axe, are enough to strike terror into the hearts of the rebels. We five. corrected the pumpkin head. Five? repeated the tin woodman. Yes, the saw-horse is brave and fearless. Answered Jack, forgetting his recent quarrel with the quadruped. The tin woodman looked around him in a puzzled way, for the saw-horse had until now remained quietly standing in a corner where the emperor had not noticed him. Tip immediately called the odd-looking creature to them, and it approached so awkwardly that it nearly upset the beautiful-centered table in the engraved oil can. I begin to think, remarked the tin woodman as he looked earnestly at the saw-horse, that wonders will never cease. How came this creature alive? I did it with a magic powder. He asserted the boy, and the saw-horse has been very useful to us. He enabled us to escape the rebels, added the scarecrow. Then we must surely accept him as a comrade, declared the emperor. A live saw-horse is a distinct novelty, and should prove an interesting study. Does he know anything? Well, I cannot claim any great experience in life. The saw-horse answered for himself, but I seem to learn very quickly, and it often occurs to me that I know more than any of those around me. Perhaps you do, said the emperor, for experience does not always mean wisdom, but time is precious just now, so let us quickly make preparations to start upon our journey. The emperor called his Lord High Chancellor, that instructed him how to run the kingdom during his absence. Meanwhile the scarecrow was taken apart, and the painted sack that served him for a head was carefully laundered and restuffed with the brains originally given him by the great wizard. His clothes were also cleaned and pressed by the imperial tailors, and his crown polished and again sewed upon his head, for the tin woodman insisted he should not renounce this badge of royalty. The scarecrow now presented a very respectable appearance, and although in no way addicted to vanity, he was quite pleased with himself, and strutted a trifle as he walked. While this was being done, Tip mended the wooden limbs of Jack Pumpkinhead, and made him stronger than before, and the saw-horse was also inspected, to see if he was in good working order. Then, bright and early the next boarding, they set out upon the returned journey to the emerald city, the tin woodman bearing upon his shoulder a gleaming axe and leading the way, while the Pumpkinhead rode upon the saw-horse, and Tip and the scarecrow walked upon either side to make sure that he didn't fall off or become damaged. CHAPTER XII Now, General Ginger, who, you will remember, commanded the army of Revolt, was rendered very uneasy by the escape of the scarecrow from the emerald city. She feared, and with good reason, that if his majesty and the tin woodman joined forces, it would mean danger to her and her entire army, for the people of Oz had not yet forgotten the deeds of these famous heroes who had passed successfully through so many startling adventures. So Ginger sent post-hace for Old Mumbie, the witch, and promised her large rewards if she would come to the assistance of the rebel army. Mumbie was furious at the trick Tip had played upon her, as well as at his escape and the theft of the precious powder of life, so she needed no urging to induce her to travel to the emerald city to assist Ginger in defeating the scarecrow and the tin woodman who had made Tip one of their friends. Mumbie had no sooner arrived at the royal palace than she discovered, by means of her secret magic, that the adventurers were starting upon their journey to the emerald city. So she retired to a small room high up in a tower, and locked herself in, while she practiced such arts as she could command to prevent the return of the scarecrow and his companions. That is why the tin woodman presently stopped and said, Something very curious has happened. I ought to know by heart in every step of this journey, yet I fear we have already lost our way. That is quite impossible, protested the scarecrow. Why do you think, my dear friend, that we have gone astray? Why, here before us is a great field of sunflowers, and I never saw this field before in all my life. At these words they all looked around, only to find that they were indeed surrounded by a field of tall stalks, every stalk bearing at its top a gigantic sunflower, and not only were these flowers almost blinding in their vivid hues of red and gold, but each one whirled around upon its stalk like a miniature windmill, completely dazzling the vision of the beholders, and so mystifying them that they knew not which way to turn. It's witchcraft! exclaimed Tip. While they paused, hesitating and wondering, the tin woodman uttered a cry of impatience, and advanced with swinging acts to cut down the stalks before him. But now the sunflowers suddenly stopped their rapid whirling, and the travellers plainly saw a girl's face appear in the centre of each flower. These lovely faces looked upon the astonished band with mocking smiles, and then burst into a chorus of merry laughter at the dismay their appearance caused. Stop! Stop! cried Tip, seizing the woodman's arm. They're alive! They're girls! At that moment the flowers began whirling again, and the faces faded away, and were lost in the rapid revolutions. The tin woman dropped his axe and sat down upon the ground. It would be heartless to chop down those pretty creatures, said he despondently, and yet I do not know how else we can proceed upon our way. They looked to me strangely like the faces of the army of revolt, who's the scarecrow? But I cannot conceive how the girls could have followed us here so quickly.  I've known old Momby do things like that before. Probably it's nothing more than an illusion, and there are no sunflowers here at all.  Excuse me, replied the scarecrow. My eyes are not painted to shut. Because you happen to have tin eyelids you must not imagine we are all built in the same way. And the eyes of the saw-horse are not eyes, said Jack, leading forward to examine them. Nevertheless you must ride quickly forwards, commanded Tip, and we will follow after you, and so try to escape. My eyes are already so dazzled I can scarcely see. So the pumpkin-head rode boldly forward. And Tip grasped the stubbed tail of the saw-horse and followed with closed eyes. The scarecrow, the tin woodman, brought up the rear, and before they had gone many yards, a joyful shot from Jack announced that the way was clear before them. Then all paused to look backward, but not a trace of the field of sunflowers remained. More cheerfully now they proceeded upon their journey. But old Momby had so changed the appearance of the landscape, but they would surely have been lost had not the scarecrow wisely concluded to take their direction from the sun, for no witchcraft could change the course of the sun, and it was therefore a safe guide. However, other difficulties lay before them. The saw-horse stepped into a rabbit-hole and fell to the ground. The pumpkin-head was pitched high into the air, and his history would probably have ended at that exact moment, had not the tin woodman skillfully caught the pumpkin as it descended and saved it from injury. Tip soon had it fitted to the neck again, and replaced Jack upon his feet. But the saw-horse did not escape so easily, for when his leg was pulled from the rabbit-hole it was found to be broken short off, and must be replaced or repaired before he could go a step farther. "'This is quite serious,' said the tin woodman. If there were trees nearby, I might soon manufacture another leg for this animal, but I cannot see even a shrub for miles around.' "'And there are neither fences nor houses in this part of the land of wars,' added the scarecrow, disconsolently. "'Then what shall we do?' inquired the boy. "'I suppose I must stop my brains working,' replied his majesty, the scarecrow. For experience has taught me that I can do anything if I but take time to think it out.' "'Let us all think,' said Tip, and perhaps we shall find a way to repair the saw-horse.' "'So they sat in a row upon the grass and began to think, by the saw-horse occupied itself by gazing curiously upon its broken limb.' "'Does it hurt?' asked the tin woodman in a soft, sympathetic voice. "'Not in least,' returned the saw-horse. "'But my pride is injured to find that my anatomy is so brittle.' "'For a time the little group remained in silent thought. Presently the tin woodman raised his head and looked over the fields.' "'What sort of creature is that which approaches us?' he asked wonderingly. The others followed his gaze and discovered, coming toward them, the most extraordinary object they had ever beheld. It advanced quickly and noiselessly over the soft grass, and in a few minutes stood before the adventurers and regarded them with an astonishment equal to their own. The scarecrow was calm under all circumstances. "'Good morning,' he said politely. The stranger removed his hat with a flourish, bowed very low, and then responded. "'Good morning, one and all. I hope you are, as an aggregation, enjoying excellent health. Permit me to present my card.'" With this courteous speech it extended a card toward the scarecrow, who accepted it, turned it over and over, and handed it with a shake of his head to tip. The boy read aloud, "'Mr. H. M. Wogglebug, T. E.' "'Dear me!' ejaculated the pumpkin-head, staring somewhat intently. "'How very peculiar!' said the tin woodman. "'Tips, eyes were round and wondering, and the saw-horse uttered a sigh and turned away its head. "'Are you really a Wogglebug?' inquired the scarecrow. "'Most certainly, my dear sir,' answered the stranger briskly. "'Is not my name upon the card?' "'It is,' said the scarecrow. "'But may I ask what H. M. stands for?' "'H. M. means highly magnified.'" Returned the Wogglebug proudly. "'Oh, I see.'" The scarecrow viewed the stranger critically. "'And are you, in truth, highly magnified?' "'Sir,' said the Wogglebug, "'I take you for a gentleman of judgment and discernment. "'Does it not occur to you that I am several thousand times greater than any Wogglebug you ever saw before? "'Therefore it is plainly evident that I am highly magnified, and there is no good reason why you should doubt the fact.'" "'Pardon me,' returned the scarecrow. "'My brains are slightly mixed since I was last laundered. "'Would it be improper for me to ask also what the T. E. at the end of your name stands for?' "'Those letters expressed my degree,' answered the Wogglebug, with a condescending smile. "'To be more explicit, the initials mean that I am thoroughly educated.'" "'Oh,' said the scarecrow, much relieved. "'Tip had not yet taken his eyes off this wonderful personage. What he saw was a great, round, bug-like body, supported upon two slender legs, which ended in delicate feet, the toes curling upward. The body of the Wogglebug was rather flat, and judging from what could be seen of it was of a glistening dark brown color upon the back. While the front was striped, with alternate bands of light brown and white, blending together at the edges. Its arms were fully as slender as its legs, and upon a rather long neck was perched its head, not unlike the head of a man, except that its nose ended in a curling antenna, or feeler, and its ears from the upper points bore antennae that decorated the sides of its head like two miniature curling pigtails. It must be admitted that the round black eyes were rather bulging in appearance, but the expression upon the Wogglebug's face was by no means unpleasant. For dress the insect wore a dark blue swallow-tail coat, with a yellow silk lining and a flower in the buttonhole, a vest of white dock that stretched tightly across the wide body, knicker-buckers of fawn-colored plush, fastened at the knees with gilt buckles, and perched upon its small head was gently set a tall silk hat. Standing upright before our amazed friends, the Wogglebug appeared to be fully as tall as the Tin Woodman, and surely no bug in all the land of ours had ever before attained so enormous a size. "'I confess,' said this guy, Crow, that your abrupt appearance has caused me surprise, and no doubt has startled my companions. "'I hope, however, that this circumstance will not distress you. We shall probably get used to you in time.' "'Do not apologise, I beg of you.' "'Returned the Wogglebug earnestly.' "'It affords me great pleasure to surprise people, for surely I cannot be classed with ordinary insects, and am entitled to both curiosity and admiration from those I meet.' "'You are indeed,' agreed his Majesty. "'If you will permit me to seat myself in your August Company, I will gladly relate my history, so that you will be better able to comprehend my unusual, may I say, remarkable appearance.' "'You may say what you please,' answered the Tin Woodman briefly. "'So the Wogglebug sat down upon the grass, facing the little group of wanderers, and told them the following story.' CHAPTER XIII A HIGHLY MAGNIFIED HISTORY It is but honest that I should acknowledge at the beginning of my recital that I was born an ordinary Wogglebug, began the creature in a frank and friendly tone. "'Knowing no better, I used my arms as well as my legs for walking, and crawled under the edges of stones, or hid among the roots of grasses, with no thought beyond finding a few insects smaller than myself to feed upon. The chill nights rendered me stiff and motionless, for I wore no clothing, but each morning the warm rays of the sun gave me new life and restored me to activity. A horrible existence is this, but you must remember it is the regular ordained existence of Wogglebugs, as well as of many other tiny creatures that inhabit the earth. But destiny had singled me out, humble though I was, for a grand of fate. One day I crawled near a country schoolhouse, and my curiosity being excited by the monotonous hum of the students within, I made bold to enter, and creep along a crack between two boards, until I reached the far end, where, in front of a hearth of glowing embers, sat the master at his desk. No one noticed so small a creature as a Wogglebug, and when I found that the hearth was even warmer and more comfortable than the sunshine, I resolved to establish my future home beside it. So I found a charming nest between two bricks, and hid myself therein for many, many months. Professor Noitol is, doubtless, the most famous scholar in the land of Oz, and after a few days I began to listen to the lectures and discourses he gave his pupils. Not one of them was more attentive than the humble, unnoticed Wogglebug, and I acquired in this way a fund of knowledge that I will myself confess is simply marvellous. That is why I place T.E., thoroughly educated, upon my cards, for my greatest pride lies in the fact that the world cannot produce another Wogglebug with a tenth part of my own culture and erudition. I do not blame you, said the scarecrow. Education is a thing to be proud of. I am educated myself. The mess of brains given me by the great wizard is considered by my friends to be unexcelled. Nevertheless, interrupted the tin woodman, a good heart is, I believe, much more desirable than education or brains. To me, said the saw-horse, a good leg is more desirable than either. Could seeds be considered in the light of brains? Enquired the pumpkin-head abruptly. Keep quiet, commanded tip, sternly. Very well, dear father, answered the obedient Jack. The Wogglebug listened patiently, even respectfully, to these remarks, and then resumed his story. I must have lived fully three years in that secluded schoolhouse hearth, said he, drinking thirstily of the ever-flowing fount of limpid knowledge before me. Quite poetical, commented the scarecrow, nodding his head approvingly. Continued the bug? A marvellous circumstance occurred that altered my very existence and brought me to my present pinnacle of greatness. The professor discovered me in the act of crawling across the hearth, and before I could escape he had caught me between his thumb and forefinger. My dear children, said he, I have captured a Wogglebug, a very rare and interesting specimen.  No, yelled the scholars in chorus. Then, said the professor, I will get out my famous magnifying glass, and throw the insect upon a screen in a highly magnified condition, that you may all study carefully its peculiar construction and become acquainted with its habits and manner of life. He then brought from the cupboard a most curious instrument, and before I could realize what had happened, I found myself thrown upon the screen in a highly magnified state, even as you now behold me. The students stood up on their stools and craned their heads forward to get a better view of me, and two little girls jumped upon the sill of an open window where they could see more plainly. Behold, cried the professor in a loud voice, this highly magnified Wogglebug, one of the most curious insects in existence. Being thoroughly educated and knowing what is required of a cultured gentleman, at this juncture I stood upright, and placing my hand upon my bosom made a very polite bow. My action, being unexpected, must have startled them, for one of the little girls perched upon the window sill gave a scream and fell backward out the window, drawing her companion with her as she disappeared. The professor uttered a cry of horror and rushed away through the door to see if the poor children were injured by the fall. The scholars followed after him in a wild mob, and I was left alone in the schoolroom, still in a highly magnified state, and free to do as I pleased. It immediately occurred to me that this was a good opportunity to escape. I was proud of my great size, and realized that now I could travel safely anywhere in the world, while my superior culture would make me a fit associate for the most learned person I might chance to meet.  Wonderful! exclaimed the pumpkin-head admiringly. It was indeed. Agreed the walk of bark. I have never ceased to congratulate myself for escaping while I was highly magnified, for even my excessive knowledge would have proved a little used to me had I remained a tiny insignificant insect. I didn't know before. Said Tep, looking at the walk of bark with a puzzled expression, that insects were closed. Nor do they in their natural state. Returned the stranger. But in the course of my wanderings I have had the good fortune to save the ninth life of a tailor, tailors having like cats nine lives as you probably know. The fellow was exceedingly grateful, for had he lost that ninth life it would have been the end of him. So he begged permission to furnish me with the stylish costume I now wear. It fits very nicely, does it not? And the walk of bark stood up and turned himself around slowly, that they all might examine his person. He must have been a good tailor. Said the scarecrow, somewhat enviously. He was a good-hearted tailor at any rate. Observed Nick Chopper. But where were you going when you met us? Tep asked the walk of bark. Nowhere in particular. Was the reply. Although it is my intention soon to visit the Emerald City and arrange to give a course of lectures to select audiences on the advantages of magnification. We are bound for Emerald City now. Said the tin woodman. So if it pleases you to do so, you are welcome to travel in our company. The walk of bark bowed with profound grace. It will give me great pleasure. Said he. To accept your kind invitation, for nowhere in the land of Oz could I hope to meet with so congenial a company. That is true. Acknowledged the pumpkin-head. We are quite as congenial as flies and honey. But pardon me if I seem inquisitive. Are you not all rather, ahem, unusual? Asked the walk of bark, looking from one to another with unconcealed interest. Not more so than yourself. Answered the scarecrow. Everything in life is unusual until you get accustomed to it. What rare philosophy! I exclaimed the walk of bark admiringly. Yes. My brains are working well today. Admitted the scarecrow, an accent of pride in his voice. Then, if you are sufficiently rested and refreshed, let us bend our steps towards the Emerald City. Suggested the magnified one. We can't. Said Tip. The saw-horse is a broken leg, so he can't bend his steps. And there is no wood around for us to make him a new limb from. And we can't leave the horse behind, because pumpkin-head is so stiff with his joints that he has to ride. How very unfortunate! Cried the wuggle-bug. Then he looked the party over carefully, and said, If the pumpkin-head is to ride, why not use one of his legs to make a leg for the horse that carries him? I judge that both are made of wood. Now that is what I call real cleverness. Had the scarecrow approvingly. I wonder my brains did not think of that long ago. Get to work, my dear Nick, and fit the pumpkin-head's leg to the saw-horse. Jack was not especially pleased with this idea, but he submitted to having his left leg amputated by the tin woodman, and whittled down to fit the left leg of the saw-horse. Nor was the saw-horse especially pleased with the operation either, for he growled a good deal about being butchered, as he called it, and afterward declared that the new leg was a disgrace to a respectable saw-horse. I beg you to be more careful in your speech, said the pumpkin-head sharply.  I cannot forget it, retorted the saw-horse, for it is quite as flimsy as the rest of your person. Flimsy, me flimsy, cried Jack, in a rage.  Because you are but as absurdly as a jumping, Jack.   Friends, I entreat you not to quarrel. We did the tin wood bon anxiously. As a matter of fact, we are none of us above criticism, so let us bear with each other's faults. An excellent suggestion, said the waggle-bug approvingly. You must have an excellent heart, my metallic friend. I have, returned Nick, well pleased. My heart is quite the best part of me. But now let us start upon our journey. They perched the one-legged pumpkin-head upon the saw-horse, and tied him to his seat with cords, so that he could not possibly fall off. And then, following the lead of the scarecrow, they all advanced in the direction of the emerald city. CHAPTER XIV OF THE MARVELOUS LAND OF OZ. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. THE MARVELOUS LAND OF OZ. By L. Frank Baum. CHAPTER XIV OLD MUMBY INDULGES IN WHICH CRAFT. They soon discovered that the saw-horse limped, for his new leg was a trifle too long, so they were obliged to halt, while the tin woodman chopped it down with his axe, after which the wooden steed paced along more comfortably. But the saw-horse was not entirely satisfied even yet. It was a shame that I broke my other leg. It growled. On the contrary. You should consider the accident most fortunate, for a horse is never of much use until he has been broken. Airely remarked the woggle-bug who was walking alongside. I beg your pardon. Said Tip, rather provoked, for he felt a warm interest in both the saw-horse and his man Jack. But permit me to say that your joke is a poor one, and as old as it is poor. Still, it is a joke. Declare the woggle-bug firmly. And a joke derived from a play upon words is considered among educated people to be eminently proper. What does that mean? Enquire the pumpkin head, stupidly. It means, my dear friend, that our language contains many words having a double meaning, and that to pronounce a joke that allows both meanings of a certain word proves the joker a person of culture and refinement, who has, more over, a thorough command of the language. I don't believe that. Anyone can make a pun. Said Tip, plainly. Not so. Rejoined the woggle-bug, stiffly. It requires education of a high order. Are you educated, young sir? Not especially. Admitted, Tip. Then you cannot judge the matter. I myself am thoroughly educated, and I say that puns display genius. For instance, were I to ride upon this saw-horse, he would not only be an animal, he would become an equipage, for he would then be a horse and buggy. At this the scarecrow gave a gasp, and the tin woodman stopped short and looked reproachfully at the woggle-bug. At the same time the saw-horse loudly snorted his derision, and even the pumpkin head put up his hand to hide the smile, which, because he was carved upon his face, he could not change to a frown. But the woggle-bug strutted along as if he had made some brilliant remark, and the scarecrow was obliged to say, I have heard, my dear friend, that a person can become overeducated, and although I have a high respect for brains, no matter how they may be arranged or classified, I begin to suspect that yours are slightly tangled. In any event, I must beg you to restrain your superior education while in our society. We are not very particular, added the tin woodman, and we are exceedingly kind-hearted, but if your superior culture gets leaky again. He did not complete the sentence, but he twirled his gleaming axe so carelessly that the woggle-bug looked frightened and shrank away to a safe distance. The others marched on in silence, and the highly magnified one, after a period of deep thought, said in a humble voice, I will endeavour to restrain myself. That is all we can expect. Return the scarecrow pleasantly, and good nature being with us happily restored to the party, they proceeded upon their way. When they again stopped to allow tip to rest, the boy being the only one that seemed to tire, the tin woodman noticed many small round holes in the grassy meadow. This must be a village of the field-mice, he said of the scarecrow. I wonder if my old friend, the queen of mice, is in this neighbourhood. If she is, she may be of great service to us. Answered the scarecrow, who was impressed by a sudden thought. See if you can call her, my dear Nick. So the tin woodman blew a shrill note upon a silver whistle that hung round his neck, and presently a tiny gray mouse popped from a nearby hole and advanced fearlessly toward them. For the tin woodman had once saved her life, and the queen of the field-mice knew he was to be trusted. Good day, Your Majesty. Said Nick, politely addressing the mouse. I trust you are enjoying good health. Thank you. I am quite well.  Can I do anything to assist my old friends? You can indeed. Replied the scarecrow eagerly. Let me eye-intreat you take a dozen of your subjects with me to the Emerald City. Will they be injured in any way? Asked the queen doubtfully. I think not. Replied the scarecrow. I will carry them hidden in the straw, which stuffs my body, and when I give them the signal by unbuttoning my jacket, they have only to rush out and scamper home again as fast as they can. By doing this they will assist me to regain my throne, which the army of revolt has taken from me. In that case, said the queen, I will not refuse your request.  I am ready now. Returned the scarecrow. Then he lay flat upon the ground and unbuttoned his jacket, displaying the mass of straw with which he was stuffed. The queen uttered a little piping call, and in an instant a dozen pretty field mice had emerged from their holes and stood before their ruler, awaiting her orders. What the queen said to them none of our travellers could understand, for it was in the mouse language. But the field mice obeyed without hesitation, running one after the other to the scarecrow, and hiding themselves in the straw of his breast. When all the twelve mice had thus concealed themselves, the scarecrow buttoned his jacket securely, and then arose and thanked the queen for her kindness. One thing more you might do to serve us, suggested the tin woodman, and that is to run ahead and show us the way to Emerald City, for some enemy is evidently trying to prevent us from reaching it. I will do that gladly. Returned the queen. Are you ready? The tin woodman looked at tip. I'm rested. Said the boy. Let us start. Then they resumed their journey, the little grey queen of the field mice running swiftly ahead, and then pausing until the travellers drew near, when away she would dart again. Without this unerring guide the scarecrow and his comrades might never have gained the Emerald City, for many were the obstacles thrown in their way by the arts of Old Mambi. Yet not one of the obstacles really existed, all were cleverly contrived deceptions, for when they came to the banks of a rushing river that threatened to bar their way the little queen kept steadily on, passing through the seeming flood in safety, and our travellers followed her without encountering a single drop of water. Again, a high wall of granite towered high above their heads and opposed their advance, but the grey field mouse walked straight through it, and the others did the same, the wall melting into mist as they passed it. Afterward, when they had stopped for a moment to allow tip to rest, they saw forty roads branching off from their feet in forty different directions, and soon these forty roads began whirling around like a mighty wheel, first in one direction and then in the other, suddenly bewildering their vision, but the queen called for them to follow her and darted off in a straight line, and when they had gone a few paces the whirling pathways vanished and were seen no more. Mambi's last trick was the most fearful of all. She set a sheet of crackling flame rushing over the meadow to consume them, and for the first time the scarecrow became afraid and turned to fly. If that fire reaches me, I will be gone in no time," said he, trampling until his straw rattled. It's the most dangerous thing I ever encountered. Oh, I'm up, too," cried the sore horse, turning and prancing with agitation. For my wet is so dry it would burn like kinlings. Is fire dangerous to pumpkins? said Jack, fearfully. You'll be begged like a tart, and so will I. With the wuggle-bug getting down on all fours so he could run the faster. But the tin woodman, having no fear of fire, averted the stampede by a few sensible words. Look at the field-mouse! He shouted. The fire does not burn her in the least. In fact it is no fire at all, but only a deception. Indeed, to watch the little queen march calmly through the advancing flames restored courage to every member of the party, and they followed her without being even scorched. This is surely a most extraordinary adventure," said the wuggle-bug, who was greatly amazed. For it upsets all the natural laws that I heard Professor Noitol teach in the schoolhouse. Of course it does, said the scarecrow, wisely. All magic is unnatural, and for that reason is to be feared and avoided. But I see before us the gates of the Emerald City, so I imagine we have now overcome all the magical obstacles that seemed to oppose us. Indeed, the walls of the city were playly visible, and the queen of the field-mouse, who had guided them so faithfully, came near to bid them good-bye. We are very grateful to your majesty for your kind assistance," said the tin woodman, bowing before the pretty creature. I am always pleased to be of service to my friends," answered the queen, and in a flash she had darted away upon her journey home. CHAPTER 15 OF THE MARVELOUS LAND OF OZ. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. THE MARVELOUS LAND OF OZ. By L. Frank Baum. CHAPTER 15 THE PRISONERS OF THE QUEEN Approaching the gateway of the Emerald City, the travellers found it guarded by two girls of the Army of Revolt, who opposed their entrance by drawing the knitting-needles from their hair and threatening to prod the first that came near. But the tin woodman was not afraid. At the worst they can but scratch my beautiful nickel-plate, he said, but there will be no worst, for I think I can manage to frighten these absurd soldiers very easily. Follow me closely, all of you. Then, swinging his axe in a great circle to right and left before him, he advanced upon the gate, and the others followed him without hesitation. The girls, who had expected no resistance whatever, were terrified by the sweep of the glittering axe and fled, screaming into the city, so that our travellers passed the gates in safety and marched down the green marble pavement of the wide street toward the Royal Palace. At this rate we will soon have your majesty upon the throne again," said the tin woodman, laughing at his easy conquest of the guards. Thank you, friend Nick. Returned the scarecrow gratefully. Nothing can resist your kind heart and your sharp axe. As they passed through the rows of houses, they saw, through the open doors, that men were sweeping and dusting and washing dishes, while the women sat around in groups, gossiping and laughing. What has happened? The scarecrow asked a sad-looking man with a bushy beard, who wore an apron and was wheeling a baby carriage along the sidewalk. Why, we've had a revolution, your majesty, as you ought to know very well," replied the man, and since you went away the women have been running things to suit themselves, and I'm glad you have decided to come back and restore order, for doing housework and minding children is wearing out the strength of every man in Emerald City. Hmm, said the scarecrow thoughtfully. If it is such hard work as you say, how did the women manage it so easily? I really do not know, replied the man with a deep sigh. Perhaps women are made of cast iron. No movement was made as they passed along the street to oppose their progress.  This action rendered the scarecrow uneasy. I'm afraid we're walking into a trap, said he. Nonsense. Returned Nick Chopper confidently. The silly creatures are conquered already. But the scarecrow shook his head in a way that expressed doubt, and Tip said, It's too easy altogether. Look out for trouble ahead. I will, returned his majesty. Unopposed, they reached the royal palace and marched up the marble steps, which had once been thickly crusted with emeralds, but were now filled with tiny holes where the jewels had been ruthlessly torn from their settings by the Army of Revolt. And so far not a rebel barred their way. Through the arched hallways and into the magnificent throne-room marched the tin woodman and his followers, and here, when the green-silken curtains fell behind them, they saw a curious sight. Seated within the glittering throne was General Ginger, with the scarecrow's second-best crown upon her head and the royal scepter in her right hand. A box of caramels from which she was eating rested in her lap, and the girl seemed entirely at ease in her royal surroundings. The scarecrow stepped forward and confronted her, while the tin woodman leaned upon his axe, and the others formed a half-circle back of his majesty's person.  Don't you know you are guilty of treason, and that there is a law against treason? The throne belongs to whoever is able to take it. Answered Ginger, as she slowly ate another caramel. I have taken it, as you see. So just now I am the queen, and all who oppose me are guilty of treason, and must be punished by the law you have just mentioned. This view of the case puzzled the scarecrow. How is it, friend Nick? He asked, turning to the tin woodman. Why, when it comes to law, I have nothing to say. Answered that personage. Her laws were never meant to be understood, and it is foolish to make the attempt. Then what shall we do? Asked the scarecrow in dismay. Why don't you marry the queen, and then you can both rule? Suggested the woggle-bug. Ginger glared at the insect fiercely. Why don't you send her back to her mother, where she belongs? Asked Jack Pumpkinhead. Ginger frowned. Why don't you shut her up in the closet until she behaves herself, and promises to be good? Enquired tip. Ginger's lip curled scornfully. Or give her a good shaking. Added the sore horse. No. Said the tin woodman. We must treat the poor girl with gentleness. Let us give her all the jewels she can carry, and send her away, and be incontented. At this Queen Ginger laughed aloud, and the next minute clapped her pretty hands together thrice, as if for a signal. You are very absurd creatures. Said she. But I am tired of your nonsense, and have no time to bother with you longer. While the monarch and his friends listened in amazement to this impudent speech, a startling thing happened. The tin woodman's axe was snatched from his grasp by some person behind him, and he found himself disarmed and helpless. At the same instant a shout of laughter rang in the ears of the devoted band, and turning to see whence this came, they found themselves surrounded by the armory of revolt, the girls bearing in either hand their glistening knitting-needles. The entire throne room seemed to be filled with the rebels, and the scarecrow and his comrades realized that they were prisoners. You see how foolish it is to oppose a woman's wit! Said Ginger gaily, and this event only proves that I am more fit to rule the emerald city than a scarecrow. I bear you no ill will, I assure you, but lest you should prove troublesome to me in the future, I shall order you all to be destroyed. That is, all except the boy, who belongs to Old Mombie, and must be restored to her keeping. The rest of you are not human, and therefore it will not be wicked to demolish you. The saw-horse and the pumpkin-head's body I will have chopped up for kindling-wood, and the pumpkin shall be made into tarts. The scarecrow will do nicely to start a bonfire, and the tin-man can be cut into small pieces and fed to the goats. As for this immense woggle-bug! Highly magnified, if you please! I think I will ask the cook to make green turtle soup of you. Continued the queen reflectively. The woggle-bug shuddered. Or if that won't do, we might use you for a Hungarian goulash, stewed and highly spiced. She added cruelly. This program of extermination was so terrible that the prisoners looked upon one another in a panic of fear. The scarecrow alone did not give way to despair. He stood quietly before the queen, and his brow was wrinkled in deep thought as he strobe to find some means to escape. While thus engaged, he felt the straw within his breast move gently. At once his expression changed from sadness to joy, and raising his hand he quickly unbuttoned the front of his jacket. This action did not pass unnoticed by the crowd of girls clustering about him, but none of them suspected what he was doing until a tiny gray mouse leaped from his bosom to the floor and scampered away between the feet of the army of revolt. Another mouse quickly followed, then another and another in rapid succession, and suddenly such a scream of terror went up from the army that it might easily have filled the stoutest heart with consternation. The flight that ensued turned to a stampede, and the stampede to a panic. For while the startled mice rushed wildly about the room, the scarecrow had only time to note a whirl of skirts and a twinkling of feet as the girls disappeared from the palace, pushing and crowding one another in their mad efforts to escape. The queen, at the first alarm, stood up on the cushions of the throne and began to dance frantically upon her tiptoes. Then a mouse ran up the cushions, and with a terrified leap, poor ginger shot clear over the head of the scarecrow and escaped through an archway, never pausing in her wild career until she had reached the city gates. So, in less time than I can explain, the throne room was deserted by all, saved the scarecrow and his friends, and the woggle-bug heaved a deep sigh of relief as he exclaimed, "'Thank goodness we are saved!' For a time, yes,' answered the tin woodman, "'but the enemy will soon return, I fear.' "'Let us bar all the entrances to the palace,' said the scarecrow. "'Then we shall have time to think what is best to be done.' So all, except Jack Pumpkinhead, who was still tied fast to the sores, ran to the various entrances of the royal palace and closed the heavy doors, bolting and locking them securely. Then, knowing that the army of revolt could not batter down the barriers in several days, the adventurers gathered once more in a throne room for a council of war. CHAPTER XVI This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. THE MARVELOUS LAND OF OZ By L. Frank Baum CHAPTER XVI The scarecrow takes time to think. "'It seems to me,' began the scarecrow, when all were again assembled in the throne room, that the girl-ginger is quite right in claiming to be queen. And if she is right, then I am wrong, and we have no business to be occupying her palace.' "'But you were the king until she came,' said the woggle-bug, strutting up and down with his hands in his pockets. "'So it appears to me that she is the interloper instead of you.' "'Especially as we have just conquered her and put her to flight,' added the Pumpkinhead, as he raised his hands to turn his face toward the scarecrow.' "'Have we really conquered her?' asked the scarecrow quietly. "'Look out of the window and tell me what you see.' "'Tip ran to the window and looked out.' "'The palace is surrounded by a double row of girl-soldiers,' he announced. "'I thought so,' returned the scarecrow. "'We are as truly their prisoners as we were before the mice frightened them from the palace.' "'My friend is right,' said Nick Chopper, who had been polishing his breast with a bit of chamois leather. "'Ginger is still the queen, and we are her prisoners.' "'But I hope she cannot get at us,' exclaimed the Pumpkinhead with a shiver of fear. "'She threatened to make tarts of me, you know.' "'Don't worry,' said the tin woodman, "'it cannot matter greatly.  "'A good tart is far more admirable than a decayed intellect.' "'Very true,' agreed the scarecrow. "'Oh, dear,' moaned Jack, "'what an unhappy lot is mine. "'Why, dear father, did you not make me out of tin or even out of straw, so that I would keep indefinitely?' "'Shucks,' returned Tip, indignantly, "'You ought to be glad that I made you all.' "'Then he added, reflectively, "'Everybody thing has to come to an end some time.' "'But I beg to remind you,' broke in the Wogglebug, who had a distressed look in his bulging round eyes, "'that this terrible Queen Ginger suggested making a goulash of me, me, the only highly magnified and thoroughly educated Wogglebug in the wide, wide world.' "'I think it was a brilliant idea,' remarked the scarecrow approvingly.' "'Don't you imagine he would make a better soup?' Asked the tin woodman, turning toward his friend. "'Well, beharves,' acknowledged the scarecrow. The Wogglebug groaned. "'I can see in my mind's eye,' said he mournfully. "'The goats eating small pieces of my dear comrade, the tin woodman, while my soup is being cooked on a bonfire built of the saw-horse and Jack Pumpkinhead's body, and Queen Ginger watches me boil while she feeds the flames with my friend the scarecrow. This morbid picture cast a gloom over the entire party, making them restless and anxious.' "'It can't happen for some time,' said the tin woodman, trying to speak cheerfully, for we shall be able to keep Ginger out of the palace until she manages to break down the doors. "'And in the meantime I am liable to starve to death, and so is the Wogglebug,' announced Tape. "'As for me,' said the Wogglebug, "'I think that I could live for some time on Jack Pumpkinhead. Not that I prefer pumpkins for food, but I believe they are somewhat nutritious, and Jack's head is large and plump.' "'How heartless!' exclaimed the tin woodman, greatly shocked. "'Are we cannibals?' let me ask, or are we faithful friends?' "'I see very clearly that we cannot stay shut up in this palace,' said the scarecrow, with decision. "'So let us end this mournful talk and try to discover a means to escape.' At this suggestion they all gathered eagerly around the throne, wherein was seated the scarecrow, and as tip sat down upon a stool there fell from his pocket a pepper box which rolled upon the floor. "'What is this?' said Nick Chopper, picking up the box. "'Be careful!' cried the boy. "'That's my powder of life. Don't spill it, for it's nearly gone.' "'And what is the powder of life?' "'Enquired the scarecrow, as tip replaced the box carefully in his pocket.' "'It's the magical stuff old Mommy got from a crooked sorcerer,' explained the boy. "'She brought Jack back to life, and afterwards I used it to bring the saw-haws to life. I guess it will make anything live, that is sprinkled with it, but there's only one dose left.' "'Then it is very precious,' said the tin woodman. "'Indeed it is,' agreed the scarecrow. "'It may prove our best means of escape from our difficulties. "'I believe I will thank for a few minutes. So I will thank you, friend tip, to get out your knife and rip this heavy crown from my forehead.' "'Tip soon cut the stitches that had fastened the crown to the scarecrow's head, and a former monarch of the emerald city removed it with a sigh of relief and hung it on a peg beside the throne.' "'This is my last memento of royalty,' said he. "'And I am glad to get rid of it. The former king of this city, who was named Pastoria, lost the crown to the wonderful wizard, who passed it on to me. Now the girl ginger claims it, and I sincerely hope it will not give her a headache.' "'A kindly thought, which I greatly admire,' said the tin woodman, nodding approvingly. "'And now I will indulge in a quiet think,' continued the scarecrow, lying back in the throne. The others remained as silent and still as possible, so as not to disturb him, for all had great confidence in the extraordinary brains of the scarecrow. And after what seemed a very long time indeed to the anxious watchers, the thinker sat up, looked upon his friends with his most whimsical expression, and said, "'My brains work beautifully today. I'm quite proud of them. Now listen. If we attempt to escape through the doors of the palace, we shall surely be captured. And, as we can't escape through the ground, there is only one other thing to be done. We must escape through the air.' "'He paused to note the effect of these words, but all his hearers seemed puzzled and unconvinced.' "'The wonderful wizard escaped in a balloon,' he continued. "'We don't know how to make a balloon, of course, but any sort of thing that can fly through the air can carry us easily. So I suggest that my friend, the tin woodman, who is a skillful mechanic, shall build some sort of a machine with good strong wings to carry us. And our friend, Tip, can then bring the thing to life with his magical powder.' "'Bravo!' cried Nick Chopper. "'What splendid brains!' murmured Jack. "'Really quite clever,' said the educated woggle-bug. "'I believe it can be done,' declared Tip. "'That is, if the tin woodman is equal to making the thing.' "'I'll do my best,' said Nick cheerily. "'And, as a matter of fact, I do not often fail in what I attempt, but the thing will have to be built on the roof of the palace, so it can rise comfortably into the air.' "'To be sure,' said the scarecrow.' "'Then let us search through the palace,' continued the tin woodman, "'and carry all the material we can find to the roof, where I will begin my work.' "'First, however,' said the pumpkin-head, "'I beg you will release me from this horse, and make me another leg to walk with. For in my present condition I am of no use to myself or to anyone else.' So the tin woodman knocked a mahogany-centered table to pieces with his axe, and fitted one of the legs, which was beautifully carved, onto the body of Jack Pumpkin-head, who was very proud of the acquisition. "'It seems strange,' said he, as he watched the tin woodman work, "'that my left leg should be the most elegant and substantial part of me.' "'That proves you are unusual,' returned the scarecrow.  "'How do you feel now?' asked Tip, watching the pumpkin-head stomp around and try his new leg. "'As good as new,' answered Jack joyfully, "'and quite ready to assist you all to escape.' "'Then let us get to work,' said the scarecrow, in a business-like tone. "'So, glad to be doing anything that might lead to the end of their captivity, the friends separated, to wander over the palace in search of fitting material to use in the construction of their aerial machine.' End of Chapter 16 Chapter 17 of the Marvelous Land of Oz This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. The Marvelous Land of Oz by L. Frank Baum Chapter 17 The Astonishing Flight of the Gump When the adventurers reassembled upon the roof, it was found that a remarkably queer assortment of articles had been selected by the various members of the party. No one seemed to have a very clear idea of what was required, but all had brought something. The Wogglebug had taken from its position over the mantle-bees in the great hallway the head of a gump which was adorned with wide-spreading antlers, and this, with great care and greater difficulty, the insect had carried up the stairs to the roof. This gump resembled an elk's head, only the nose turned upward in a saucy manner, and there were whiskers upon its chin, like those of a billy-goat. Why, the Wogglebug selected this article he could not have explained, except that it had aroused his curiosity. Tip, with the aid of the saw-horse, had brought a large, upholstered sofa to the roof. It was an old-fashioned piece of furniture, with high back and ends, and it was so heavy that even by resting the greatest weight upon the back of the saw-horse the boy found himself out of breath when, at last, the clumsy sofa was dumped upon the roof. The pumpkin-head had brought a broom which was the first thing he saw. The scarecrow arrived with a coil of clothes-lines and ropes which he had taken from the courtyard, and in his trip up the stairs he had become so entangled in the loose ends of the ropes that both he and his burden tumbled in a heap upon the roof, and might have rolled off if Tip had not rescued him. The tin woodman appeared last. He also had been to the courtyard, where he had cut four great-spreading leaves from a huge palm-tree that was the pride of all the inhabitants of the Emerald City. My dear Nick! exclaimed the scarecrow, seeing what his friend had done. You have been guilty of the greatest crime any person can commit in the Emerald City. If I remember rightly the penalty for chopping leaves from the royal palm-tree is to be killed seven times and afterward imprisoned for life. It cannot be helped now, answered the tin woodman, throwing down the big leaves upon the roof. But it may be one more reason why it is necessary for us to escape, and now let us see what you have found for me to work with. Many were the doubtful looks cast upon the heap of miscellaneous material that now cluttered the roof, and finally the scarecrow shook his head and remarked, Well, if friend Nick can manufacture from this mess of rubbish a thing that will fly through the air and carry us to safety, then I will acknowledge him to be a better mechanic than I suspected. But the tin woodman seemed at first by no means sure of his powers, and only after polishing his forehead vigorously with the chamois leather did he resolve to undertake the task. The first thing required for the machine is a body big enough to carry the entire party. This sofa is the biggest thing we have, and might be used for a body, but should the machine ever tip sideways, we would all slide off and fall to the ground. That is a very sensible suggestion. You must fetch the other sofa at once. So Tip and the Saw Horse managed with much labor to get the second sofa to the roof, and when the two were placed together, edge to edge, the backs and ends formed a protecting rampart all around the seats. We can ride within this snug nest quite at our ease. The two sofas were now bound firmly together with ropes and clothes lines, and then Nick Chopper fastened the gump's head to one end. That will show which is the front end of the thing. Sadie, greatly pleased with the idea. And really, if you examine it critically, the gump looks very well as a figurehead. These great palm leaves, for which I have endangered my life seven times, must serve us as wings. Are they strong enough? Ask the boy. They're as strong as anything we can get. Answered the woodman. And although they are not in proportion to the thing's body, we are not in a position to be very particular. So he fastened the palm leaves to the sofas, two on each side. Said the waggle-bug with considerable admiration. The thing is now complete, and only needs to be brought to life. Stop a moment. exclaimed Jack. Are you not going to use my broom? What for? Ask the scarecrow. Why, it can be fastened to the back end for a tail. Answered the pumpkin head. Surely you would not call the thing complete without a tail. Said the tin woodman. I do not see the use of a tail. We are not trying to copy a beast, or a fish, or a bird. All we ask of the thing is to carry us through the air. Perhaps after the thing is brought to life it can use a tail to steer with. Suggested the scarecrow. For if it flies through the air it will not be unlike a bird, and I have noticed that all birds have tails, which they use for a rudder while flying. Very well. Answered Nick. The broom shall be used for a tail. And he fastened it firmly to the back end of the sofa body. Tip took the pepper box from his pocket. The thing looks very big. Said he anxiously. And I'm not sure there is enough powder left to bring it all to life. But I'll make it go as far as possible. Put most on the wings. Said Nick Chomper. For they must be made as strong as possible. And don't forget the head. Exclaimed the Wogglebug. Or the tail. Added Jack Pumpkin Head. Do be quiet. Said Tip nervously. You must give me a chance to work the magic charm in a proper manner. Very carefully he began sprinkling the thing with the precious powder. Each of the four wings was first lightly covered with a layer. Then the sofas were sprinkled, and the broom given a slight coating. The head. The head. Don't I beg of you. Forget the head. Cried the Wogglebug excitedly. There's only a little powder left. Announced Tip. Looking within the box.  Not so. Decided the scarecrow. Everything must have a head to direct it. And since this creature is to fly and not walk, it is really unimportant whether its legs are alive or not. So Tip abided by this decision, and sprinkled the gump's head with the remainder of the powder. Now. Said he. Keep silent while I work the charm. Having heard the old mumby pronounce the magic words, and having also succeeded in bringing the saw-horse to life, Tip did not hesitate at instant in speaking the three cabalistic words, each accompanied by the peculiar gesture of the hands. It was a grave and impressive ceremony. As he finished the incantation, the thing shuddered throughout its huge bulk. The gup gave the screeching cry that is familiar to these animals, and then the four wings began flopping furiously. Tip managed to grasp a chimney, else he would have been blown off the roof by the terrible breeze raised by the wings. The scarecrow, being light in weight, was caught up bodily and born through the air, until Tip luckily seized him by one leg and held him fast. The wobble-bug lay flat upon the roof, and so escaped harm, and the tin woodman, whose weight of tin anchored him firmly, threw both arms around Jack Pumpkin Head and managed to save him. The saw-horse toppled over upon his back, and lay with his legs waving helplessly above him. And now, while all were struggling to recover themselves, the thing rose slowly from the roof and mounted into the air. Here, come back! cried Tip in a frightened voice, as he clung to the chimney with one hand and the scarecrow with the other. Come back at once, I command you! It was now that the wisdom of the scarecrow in bringing the head of the thing to life instead of the legs was proved beyond a doubt, for the gump, already high in the air, turned its head at Tip's command, and gradually circled around until it could view the roof of the palace. Come back! shouted the boy again, and the gump obeyed, slowly and gracefully waving its four wings in the air, until the thing had settled once more upon the roof and become still. End of Chapter 17 Chapter 18 of the Marvelous Land of Oz This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. The Marvelous Land of Oz by L. Frank Baum Chapter 18 in the Jack Dawes Nest Chapter 19 This, said the gump, in a squeaky voice, not at all proportion to the size of his great body, is the most novel experience I ever heard of. The last thing I remembered distinctly is walking through the forest and hearing a loud noise. Something probably killed me then, and it certainly ought to have been the end of me. Yet here I am, alive again, with four monstrous wings and a body which I ventured to say would make any respectable animal or vile weep with shame to own. What does it all mean? Am I a gump, or am I a juggernaut? The creature, as it spoke, wiggled its chin whiskers in a very comical manner. You are just a thing, answered Tip, with the gump's head on it, and we made you, and brought you to life, so that you may carry us in the air wherever we wish to go. Very good, said the thing. As I am not a gump, I cannot have a gump's pride or independent spirit, so I may as well become your servant as anything else. My only satisfaction is that I do not seem to have a very strong constitution, and am not likely to live long in a state of slavery.  Cried the tin woodman, whose excellent heart was strongly affected by this sad speech. Are you not feeling well today? Oh, as for that— Returned the gump. It is my first day of existence, so I cannot judge whether I am feeling well or ill. And it waved its broom-tail to and fro in a pensive manner. Come, come, said the scarecrow, kindly. Do try to be more cheerful and take life as you find it. We shall be kind masters, and will strive to render your existence as pleasant as possible. Are you willing to carry us through the air wherever we wish to go? Certainly I greatly prefer to navigate the air, for should I travel on the earth and meet with one of my own species, my embarrassment would be something awful. Answered the gump. I can appreciate that, said the tin woodman sympathetically. And yet, continued the thing, when I carefully look you over, my masters, none of you seems to be constructed much more artistically than I am. Appearances are deceitful, said the woggle-bug earnestly. I am both highly magnified and thoroughly educated. Indeed, murmured the gump indifferently. And my brains are considered remarkably rare specimens. Out of the scarecrow, proudly. How strange, remarked the gump. Although I am of tin, said the woodman, I own a heart altogether the warmest and most admirable in the whole world. I'm delighted to hear it. Replied the gump with a slight cough. My smile, said Jack Pumpkinhead, is worthy your best attention. It is always the same. Simpere item. Explained the woggle-bug pompously, and the gump turned to stare at him. And I, declared the source, filling in an awkward pause, am only remarkable because I can't help it. I am proud indeed to meet with such exceptional masters. Said the gump in a careless tone. If I could but secure so complete an introduction to myself, I would be more than satisfied. That will come in time. Remarked the scarecrow. To know thyself is considered quite an accomplishment, which it has taken us, who are your elders, months to perfect. But now— He added, turning to the others. Let us get aboard and start upon our journey. Where shall we go? Asked tip, as he clambered to a seat on the sofas, and assisted the Pumpkinhead to follow him. In the South country rules a very delightful queen called Glinda the Good, who I am sure will gladly receive us. Said the scarecrow, getting into the thing clumsily. Let us go to her and ask her advice. That is cleverly thought of. Declared Nick Chopper, giving the woggle-bug a boost, and then toppling the saw-horse into the rear end of the cushioned seats. I know Glinda the Good, and believe she will prove a friend indeed. Are we all ready? Asked the boy. Yes. Announced the tin woodman, seating himself beside the scarecrow. Then, said tip, addressing the gump, Be kind enough to fly us to the southward, and do not go higher than to escape the houses and trees, for it makes me dizzy to be up so far. All right. Answered the gump briefly. It flopped its four huge wings, and rowed slowly into the air, and then, while our little band of adventurers clung to the backs and sides of the sofas for support, the gump turned toward the south, and soared swiftly and majestically away. The scenic effect from this altitude is marvellous. Commented the educated woggle-bug as they rowed along. Never mind the scenery, said the scarecrow. Hold on tight, as you may get a tumble. The thing seems to rock badly. It will be dark soon. Said tip, observing that the sun was low on the horizon. Perhaps we should have waited until morning. I wonder if the gump can fly in the night. I've been wondering that myself. Returned the gump, quietly. You see, this is a new experience to me. I used to have legs that carried me swiftly over the ground, but now my legs feel as if they were asleep. They are. Said tip. I didn't bring them to life. You're expected to fly. Explained the scarecrow. Not to walk. We can walk ourselves. Said the woggle-bug. I began to understand what is required of me. Remarked the gump. So I will do my best to please you. And he flew on for a time in silence. Presently Jack Pumpkinhead became uneasy. I wonder if riding through the air is liable to spoil pumpkins. He said, Not unless you carelessly drop your head over the side. Answered the woggle-bug. In that event your head would no longer be a pumpkin. It would become a squash. Have I not asked you to restrain from these unfeeling jokes? Demanded tip, looking at the woggle-bug with a severe expression. You have, and I've restrained a good many of them. Replying the insect. But there are opportunities for so many excellent puns in our language that to an educated person like myself the temptation to express them is almost irresistible. People with more or less education discovered those puns centuries ago. Said tip. Are you sure? Asked the woggle-bug with a startled look. Of course I am. Answered the boy. An educated woggle-bug may be a new thing. But a woggle-bug education is as old as the hills, judging from the display that you make of it. The insect seemed much impressed by this remark, and for a time maintained a meek silence. The scarecrow, in shifting his seat, saw upon the cushions the pepper box which tip had cast aside and began to examine it. Throw it overboard. Said the boy. It is quite empty now, and there is no use keeping it. Is it really empty? Asked the scarecrow, looking curiously into the box. Of course there is. Answered tip. I shook out every grain of powder. Then the box has two bottoms. Answered the scarecrow. For the bottom on the inside is fully an inch away from the bottom on the outside. Let me see. Said the tin woodman, taking the box from his friend. Yes. He declared after looking it over. The thing certainly has a false bottom. Now I wonder what that is for. Can't you get it apart and find out? Enquired tip. Now quite interested in the mystery. Why, yes, the lower bottom unscrews. Said the tin woodman. My fingers are rather stiff. Please see if you can open it. He handed the pepper box to tip, who had no difficulty in unscrewing the bottom. And in the cavity below there were three silver pills, with a carefully folded paper lying underneath them. This paper the boy proceeded to unfold, taking care not to spill the pills, and found several lines clearly written in red ink. Read it aloud. Said the scarecrow. So tip red, as follows. Dr. Nicodick celebrated wishing pills. Direction for use, swallow one pill. Count 17 by 2, then make a wish. The wish will immediately be granted. Caution, keep it in a dry and dark place. Why, this is a very valuable discovery. Cried the scarecrow. It is indeed. Replied tip, gravely. These pills may be of great use to us. I wonder if the old mom being new. They were at the bottom of the pepper box. I remember her saying that she got the powder of life from the same Nicodick. He must be a powerful sorcerer. Exclaimed the tin woodman. And since the powder proved a success, we ought to have confidence in the pills. But how? Asked the scarecrow. Can anyone count 17 by twos? 17 is an odd number. That is true. Replied tip, gravely disappointed. No one can possibly count to 17 by twos. Then the pills are of no use to us. Wailed the pumpkin head. And this fact overwhelms me with grief. For I had intended wishing that my head would never spoil. Nonsense. Said the scarecrow sharply. If we could use the pills at all, we would make far better wishes than that. I do not see how anything could be better. Protested poor Jack. If you were liable to spoil at any time, you could understand my anxiety. For my part, said the tin woodman, I sympathize with you in every respect. But since we cannot count 17 by twos, sympathy is all you are liable to get. By this time it had become quite dark, and the voyagers found above them a cloudy sky, through which the rays of the moon could not penetrate. The gump flew steadily on, and for some reason the huge sofa-body rocked more and more dizzily every hour. The wagabug declared he was seasick, and tip was also pale and somewhat distressed. But the others clung to the backs of the sofas, and did not seem to mind the motion, as long as they were not tipped out. Darker and darker grew the night, and on and on sped the gump through the black heavens. The travellers could not even see one another, and an oppressive silence settled down upon them. After a long time, tip, who had been thinking deeply, spoke. How are we going to know when we come to the palace of Glendr the Good? He asked. It's a long way to Glendr's palace. Answered the woodman. I've travelled it. But how are we to know how fast the gump is flying? Persisted the boy. We cannot see a single thing down on earth, and before morning we may be far past the place where we want to reach. That is all true enough. The scarecrow replied, a little uneasily. But I do not see how we can stop just now. For we might alight in a river or on the top of a steeple, and that would be a great disaster. So they permitted the gump to fly on, with regular flops of its great wings, and waited patiently for morning. Then tips, fears were proven to be well founded, for with the first streaks of grey dawn they looked over the sides of the sofas, and discovered rolling plains dotted with queer villages, where the houses, instead of being dome-shaped, as they all are in the land of ours, had slanting roofs that rose to a peak in the centre. Odd-looking animals were also moving about upon the open plains, and the country was unfamiliar to both the tin woodman and the scarecrow, who had formally visited Glenda the Good's domain and knew it well. We are lost, said the scarecrow dolefully. The gump must have carried us entirely out of the land of ours, and over the sandy deserts and into the terrible outside world that Dorothy told us about. We must get back, exclaimed the tin woodman earnestly. We must get back as soon as possible. Turn around, cried tip to the gump, turn as quickly as you can. If I do, I shall upset, answered the gump. I'm not at all used to flying, and the best plan would be for me to alight in some place, and then I can turn around and take a fresh start. Just then, however, there seemed to be no stopping place that would answer their purpose. They flew over a village so big that the woglebug declared it was a city, and then they came to a range of high mountains with many deep gorges and steep cliffs showing plainly. Now is our chance to stop, said the boy, finding they were very close to the mountaintops. Then he turned to the gump and commanded, Stop at the first level place you see. Very well, answered the gump, and settled down upon a table of rock that stood between two cliffs. But not being experienced in such matters, the gump did not judge his speed correctly, and instead of coming to a stop upon the flat rock, he missed it by half the width of his body, breaking off both his right wings against the sharp edge of the rock, and then tumbling over and over down the cliff. Our friends held on to the sofas as long as they could, but when the gump caught on a projecting rock the thing stopped suddenly, bottom side up, and all were immediately dumped out. By good fortune they fell only a few feet, for underneath them was a monster nest built by a colony of jackdaws in a hollow ledge of rock, so none of them, not even the pumpkin head, was injured by the fore. For Jack found his precious head resting on the soft breast of the scarecrow, which made an excellent cushion, and Tip fell on a mass of leaves and papers, which saved him from injury. The waggle-bug had bumped his round head against the saw-horse, but without causing him more than a moment's inconvenience. The tin-women was at first much alarmed, but finding he had escaped without even a scratch upon his beautiful nickel plate, he at once regained his accustomed cheerfulness and turned to address his comrades. Our journey had ended rather suddenly, said he, and we cannot justly blame our friend the gump for our accident, because he did the best he could under the circumstances. But how we are ever to escape from this nest, I must leave to someone with better brains than I possess. Here he gazed at the scarecrow, who crawled to the edge of the nest and looked over. Below them was a sheer precipice several hundred feet in depth. Above them was a smooth cliff unbroken saved by the point of rock, where the wrecked body of the gump still hung suspended from the end of one of the sofas. There really seemed to be no means of escape, and as they realized their helpless plight, the little band of adventurers gave way to their bewilderment. This is a worse prison than the palace, said they remarked the woggle-bug. I wish we had stayed there. Mountain, Jack. I'm afraid the mountain air isn't good for pumpkins. It won't be when the jackdaws come back. Growl, the sore horse, which lay waving its legs in a vein endeavored to get upon his feet again. Jackdaws are especially fond of pumpkins. Do you think the birds will come here? asked Jack, much distressed. Of course they will, said Tip. For this is their nest, and there must be hundreds of them. He continued, for see what a lot of things they have brought here. Indeed, the nest was half filled with a most curious collection of small articles for which the birds could have no use, but which the thieving jackdaws had stolen during many years from the homes of men. And as the nest was safely hidden, where no human being could breach it, this lost property would never be recovered.  This was so greatly admired by the tin woodman that the woggle-bug presented it to him with a graceful speech, after which the woodman hung it around his neck with much pride, rejoicing exceedingly when the big diamond glittered in the sun's rays. But now they heard a great jabbering and flopping of wings, and as the sound grew nearer to them, Tip exclaimed, The jackdaws are coming, and if they find us, they will surely kill us in their anger. I was afraid of this, moaned the pumpkin head. My time has come. And mine also, said the woggle-bug, for jackdaws are the greatest enemies of my race. The others were not at all afraid, but the scarecrow at once decided to save those of the party who were liable to be injured by the angry birds, so he commanded Tip to take off Jack's head and lie down with it in the bottom of the nest, and when this was done, he ordered the woggle-bug to lie beside Tip. Nick Charper, who knew from past experience just what to do, then took the scarecrow to pieces, all except his head, and scattered the straw over Tip and the woggle-bug, completely covering their bodies. Hardly had this been accomplished when the flock of jackdaws reached them. Perceiving the intruders in their nest, the birds flew down upon them with screams of rage. End of Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Of the Marvelous Land of Oz This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. The Marvelous Land of Oz by L. Frank Baum Chapter 19 Dr. Nicodick's Famous Wishing Pills The turned woodman was usually a peaceful man, but when occasion required, he could fight as fiercely as a Roman gladiator. So when the jackdaws nearly knocked him down in their rush of wings and their sharp beaks and claws threatened to damage his brilliant plating, the woodman picked up his axe and made it whirl swiftly around his head. But although many were beaten off in this way, the birds were so numerous and so brave that they continued the attack as fiercely as before. Some of them pecked at the eyes of the gump which hung over the nest in a helpless condition, but the gump's eyes were of glass and could not be injured.  Finding themselves thus opposed, the birds fell upon the scarecrow's straw, which lay at the corner of the nest, covering tip and the woggle-bug and jack's pumpkin head, and began tearing it away and flying off with it, only to let it drop straw by straw into the great gulf beneath. The scarecrow's head, noting with dismay this wanton destruction of his interior, cried to the tin woodman to save him, and that good friend responded with renewed energy. His axe fairly flashed among the jackdaws, and fortunately the gump began wildly waving the two wings remaining on the left side of its body. The flutter of these great wings filled the jackdaws with terror, and when the gump by its exertions freed itself from the peg of rock on which it hung, and sank flapping into the nest, the alarm of the birds knew no bounds, and they fled, screaming over the mountains. When the last foe had disappeared, Tip crawled from under the sofas and assisted the woggle-bug to follow him. We are saved! shouted the boy delightedly. We are indeed! responded the educated insect, fairly hugging the stiff head of the gump in his jaw, and we owe it all to the flopping of the thing and the good axe of the woodman.  He also set the saw-horse upright and said to it, We owe you many thanks for the gallant flight you made. I really think we have escaped very nicely, remarked the tin woodman in a tone of pride. Not so exclaimed a hollow voice. At this they all turned in surprise to look at the scarecrow's head, which lay at the back of the nest. I am completely ruined, declared the scarecrow as he noted their astonishment, for where is this straw that stuffs my body? The awful questions startled them all. They gazed around the nest with horror, for not a vestige of straw remained. The jackdaws had stolen it to the last wisp, and flung it into the chasm that yawned for hundreds of feet beneath the nest. My poor, poor friend, said the tin woodman, taking up the scarecrow's head and caressing it tenderly. Whoever could imagine you would come to this untimely end? I did it to save my friends. I turned the head, and I am glad that I perished in so noble and unselfish a manner. But why, you also despondent? Enquired the wagglebug. The scarecrow's clothing is still safe? Yes, answered the tin woodman. But our friends' clothes are useless without stuffing. Why not stuffing with money? Asked tip. Money? They all cried in an amazed chorus. To be sure, said the boy, in the bottom of the nest are thousands of dollar bills, and two dollar bills, and five dollar bills, and tens, and twenties, and fifties. There are enough of them to stuff a dozen scarecrow's. Why not use the money? The tin woodman began to turn over the rubbish with the handle of his axe, and, sure enough, what they had first thought only worthless papers were found to be old bills of various denominations, which the mischievous Jack Dawes had for years been engaged in stealing from the villages and cities they visited. There was an immense fortune lying in that inaccessible nest, and tip's suggestion was, with the scarecrow's consent, quickly acted upon. They selected all the newest and cleanest bills, and assorted them into various piles. The scarecrow's left leg and boot were stuffed with five dollar bills. His right leg was stuffed with ten dollar bills, and his body so closely filled with fifties, one-hundreds, and one-thousands, that he could scarcely button his jacket with comfort. You are now, said the woggle-bug impressively when the task had been completed. The most valuable member of our party, and as you are among faithful friends there is little danger of you being spent. Thank you. Retard the scarecrow, gratefully. I feel like a new man, and although at first glance I might be mistaken for a safety deposit vault, I beg you to remember that my brains are still composed of the same old material, and these are the possessions that have always made me a person to be depended upon in an emergency. Well, the emergency is here. Observed, Dave. And unless your brains help us out of it, we shall be compelled to pass the remainder of our lives in this nest. How about these wishing pills? Enquire the scarecrow, taking the box from his jacket pocket. Can't we use them to escape? Not unless we can count seventeen by twos. Answer the tin woodman. But our friend the woggle-bug claims to be highly educated, so he ought easily to figure out how that can be done. It isn't a question of education. Retard the insect. It's merely a question of mathematics. I've seen the professor work lots of sums on the blackboard, and he claimed anything could be done with x's and y's and a's and such things by mixing them up with plenty of pluses and minuses and equals and so forth. But he never said anything so far as I can remember, a batch counting up to the odd number of seventeen by the even numbers of twos. Stop, stop! Cried the pumpkin-head.  And mine. Out of the scarecrow. Your mathematics seem to me very like a bottle of mixed pickles, the more you fish for what you want, the less chance you have of getting it. I am certain that if the thing can be accomplished at all, it is in a very simple manner. Yes. Said tape. Old Mumby can't use x's and minuses for she never went to school. Why not start counting it half a one? Asked the saw-horse abruptly. Then anyone can count to seventeen by two very easily.   Said the scarecrow, bowing low to the saw-horse. Nevertheless the creature is right. Declared the wiggle-bug. For twice one half is one, and if you get to one, it is easy to count from one up to seventeen by twos. I wonder I didn't think of that myself. Said the pumpkin-head. I don't. Returned the scarecrow.  But let us make a wish at once. Who will swallow the first pill? Suppose you do it. Suggested tip. I can't. Said the scarecrow. Why not? You have a mouth, haven't you? Asked the boy. Yes, but my mouth is painted on, and there is no swallow connected with it. Answered the scarecrow. In fact... He continued, looking from one to another, critically. I believe the boy and the wiggle-bug are the only ones in our party that are able to swallow. Observing the truth of this remark, Tip said, Then I will undertake to make our first wish. Give me one of the silver pills. This the scarecrow tried to do. But his patterned gloves were too clumsy to clutch so small an object, and he held the box toward the boy, while Tip selected one of the pills and swallowed it. Count! Cried the scarecrow. One half. One. Three. Five. Seven. Nine. Eleven. Counted Tip. Thirteen. Fifteen. Seveneen. Now wish, said the tin woodman anxiously. But just then the boy began to suffer such fearful pains that he became alarmed. The pill has poisoned me! He gasped. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ouch! Murder! Fire! And here he rolled upon the bottom of the nest in such contortions that he frightened them all. What can we do for you, speak? I beg. And treated the tin woodman tears of sympathy running down his nickel cheeks. I-I don't know. Answered Tip. Oh! I wish it never swallowed that pill. Then at once the pain stopped, and the boy rose to his feet again, and found the scarecrow looking with amazement at the end of the pepper box. What happens? Asked the boy, a little ashamed of his recent exhibition. Why, the three pills are in the box again. Said the scarecrow. Of course they are. The wuggle-bug declared. Didn't Tip wish that he'd never swallowed one of them? Well, the wish came true, and he didn't swallow one of them. So, of course, they are all three in the box. Well, that may be, but the pill gave me a dreadful pain just the same. Said the boy. Impossible. Declared the wuggle-bug. If you have never swallowed it, the pill cannot have given you a pain, and as your wish being granted proves you did not swallow the pill, it is also plain that you suffered no pain. Then it was a splendid imitation of pain. Retorted Tip, angrily. Suppose you try the next pill yourself. We've wasted one wish already. Oh no, we haven't. Protested the scarecrow. Here are still three pills in the box, and each pill is good for a wish. Now you're making my headache. Said Tip. I can't understand the thing at all, but I won't take another pill. I promise you. And with this remark, he retired soconely to the back of the nest. Well, said the wuggle-bug, it remains for me to save us in my most highly magnified and thoroughly educated manner, for I seem to be the only one able and willing to make a wish. Let me have one of the pills. He swallowed it without hesitation, and they all stood admiring his courage, while the insect counted seventeen by twos in the same way that Tip had done. And for some reason, perhaps because wuggle-bugs have stronger stomachs than boys, the silver pellet caused it no pain whatever. I wish the gump's broken wings mended, and as good as new. Said the wuggle-bug in a slow impressive voice. All turned to look at the thing, and so quickly had the wish been granted that the gump lay before them in perfect repair, and as well able to fly through the air as when it had first been brought to life on the roof of the palace.