Narcissists hate themselves.  That is why they are always so angry or disgusted but many people often make the mistake of believing that the narcissist loves themselves as this is the image that they portray. They act confident. They act as though they believe they are something great but this is actually just a front to hide how they really feel about themselves. It is an appearance will form a behavior used to conceal their genuine feelings. Narcissists don't want anything to do with who they really are. They are deeply ashamed of their true selves. They are deeply ashamed of everything that they have done and that is why they have to conceal it. That is why they have to prevent it from being known. They disown certain parts of themselves because they hate it while a person who loves themselves is not going to hide anything. They're going to be open about who they are. They're going to be open about everything they've done. They're not going to hide anything because they're not ashamed of who they are. They accept themselves but this is not the case for the narcissist. They do not accept who they are. They do not love themselves and that is why they have to conceal certain parts of themselves that they do not love certain parts of themselves but they do not accept certain parts of themselves but they are deeply ashamed of. They are shame-based individuals. Doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. If they really love themselves why would they conceal certain parts of themselves? Why wouldn't they just own it? Why wouldn't they just admit or acknowledge that something is the case or that they feel a certain way? They can't do that because the truth is they do not love themselves. They hate themselves. They can't stand to look at who they are and what they've become. It causes them great pain to reflect on the truth so they deny it. They create an alternate reality or fake world where they can then make their own rules or interpretations which is really just a coping and defense mechanism for how they really feel about themselves. It's just their way of trying to avoid reflecting on their own shame and self-hatred by disowning the parts of them that they are not proud of which will then be projected onto you because they can't own it. It's too painful for them to deal with. They have developed a survival mechanism of denying reality in order to survive what they perceive to be a dangerous unpleasant situation. The problem is now they will never get to experience real life. You have to be grounded in your own body, mind and soul to really experience life when they're always somewhere else. They're always in denial of the truth and reality of the situation because they don't want to deal with their shame and that just makes them even more miserable. Their body is presenting the problem to them. It's telling them what needs to be resolved so that they can move forward but they don't attend to it.  It leaves them to be disconnected from their soul and that is why they can never be happy or satisfied with themselves because their happiness is meant to come from within and they have disowned so many parts of them for them to get their happiness from within. They would first have to acknowledge and hold themselves accountable for so many things that they've done which is something that they're not willing to do so they remain endlessly miserable and dissatisfied with themselves and that's just part of their karma. If you're not willing to own up to who you are and what you've become you will remain that way for the rest of your life unless you make the choice to go within and attend to it unless you make the choice to accept who you are but the narcissists will never do that. They are more comfortable living in their false reality using their coping and defense mechanisms such as denial, projection, blame-shifting and gaslighting whatever it takes for them to survive but surviving isn't really living they're just wasting their lives in fear trying to protect themselves from being hurt by other people when there is that pain that will set them free if they would just let go and allow themselves to experience it if they could just do that they would finally know what it's like to be alive they would finally be able to heal and love themselves for real and they wouldn't be narcissists anymore but that's not going to happen because the nature of their disorder is to protect themselves from pain and shame which makes it impossible for them to ever heal but that is why they feel a obsessive need to prove to you that they love themselves or that they are confident in their abilities or qualities if they can get you to believe it it makes it more believable for them but really it's to compensate for how they really feel about themselves they hate who they really are they hate what they've become they just don't ever want to acknowledge it they'd rather disown the parts of themselves that they don't like and live in this false reality which is really nothing more than a grave that they have created for the person that they were supposed to be thank you for watching i hope this video resonates with you please like comment share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you like to donate my payment links in the video description coaching inquiries can you with me and also have a coaching at gmail.com thank you for watching and i'll talk to you soon


up a second I'll see if people talk. Mr. Bacon. Good evening we'd like to call the Durham City Council meeting to order and certainly want to welcome all of you that are here for us this evening on Monday the 17th if we could just take a moment of silent meditation and I would ask those who might remember the former Governor Jim Holthauser who understood past past today and his family thank you. Councilman Brown could you lead us in the pledge. As a clerk could you call the roll please. Mayor Bell. Present. Mayor Pro Tem Cole McFadden. Councilmember Brown. Councilmember Cotati. Councilmember Moffitt. And councilmember Shewell. We have four proclamations that we'd like to present this evening and the first I would ask our director of parks and recreation run the park if she would join me please. Proclamation speaks to parks and recreation month whereas parks and recreation programs are an integral part of communities throughout this country including the City of Durham whereas Durham Park and Recreation activities are vitally important to establishing and maintaining the quality of life in our city ensuring the health of all residents and contributing to the economic and environmental well-being of our city and region whereas Durham Parks and Recreation programs build healthy active communities that aid in the prevention of chronic disease provide therapeutic recreation services for those who have mental developmental of physical disabilities and also improve the mental and emotional health of all residents whereas Durham Parks and Recreation programs increase our community's economic prosperity through increased property values expansion of the local tax base increased tourism the attraction and retention of businesses and crime reduction whereas Durham's park and recreation areas are fundamental to the environmental well-being of our community whereas Durham Parks and Natural Recreation areas improve water quality protect ground water prevent flooding improve the quality of the air we breathe provide vegetative buffers to development and produce habitat for wildlife whereas Durham's park and recreation natural areas ensure the ecological beauty of our community and provide a place for children and adults to connect with nature and recreate outdoors whereas the U.S. House of Representatives has designated July as Parks and Recreation Month whereas the city of Durham recognizes the benefits derived from parks and recreation resources now therefore we in view of the all middle of the city of Durham in North Carolina do we ever claim July as Parks and Recreation Month in Durham and hereby urge all residents to take special note of this observance by visiting our parks participating in programs and special events throughout this month again witness my hand corporate city of Durham North Carolina this is 17th they have June 2013 and I will present this to Ms Parker for an accomplished say she may have thank you mayor bell mayor pro pro temp core Cole McFadden sitting manager Tom Bonfield city attorney city council and deputy city manager I appreciate the proclamation because July is Parks and Recreation Month and I would just like to mention just a very couple of couple of things is that summer camp started for young people today so we have a nine-week camp going on and we also have our pools that open up last week and our spray grounds are open but I really wanted to invite all of you to the city's 4th of July celebration which will be at the D BAP and there will be a game you have to buy tickets for the game but at the bottom of the inning the gates open up for anyone who wants to come in and participate we have fireworks scheduled for 915 after comments from our officials and the American tobacco campus and the Durham bulls and capital broadcasting are working with us there will be a jazz concert going on from six to eight and there'll be performers strolling around so there'll be a lot of things going on for the whole family so we hope you'll come out and join us and celebrate the july 4th thank you next we'd like to ask Donald Long director of solid wasted don't join me some of you probably saw some of the employees as you came through the lobby this evening you might have eaten a piece of cake like i did but these are employees that probably everyone in the city gets an opportunity to see it at some point in time in terms of the service they provide and without the service they provide our city probably would really be in pretty bad shape and it's not to say that all cities don't have waste collection departments but i think our employees in particular do a super job in the work that they do this recognition is solid waste employees appreciation day and it speaks to the fact that where solid waste management employees provide a very central and vital service handling the collection of solid waste of our citizens where solid waste management employees are exposed to the dangers of working high traffic areas braving elements on a daily basis and work very hard where solid waste management employees performing in their daily duties help reduce the spread of disease reduce blight and serve as community ambassadors whereas solid waste management department strives to be leaders in the area of technology and good stewards of the environment whereas solid waste management department is a diverse community represented by all races creeds genders and operate efficiently in the collection of waste materials whereas the city of Durham is a leader in the state in the efficient collection of solid waste materials and its appreciation of solid waste personnel now therefore i weekend v bill they'll mail the city of Durham north carolina do hip-hop reclaim june 17th 2013 is solid waste employees appreciation day in Durham and do further call upon fellow residents of the city of Durham to observe this day and do his or her part to recognize the employees of the solid waste management department they work daily to complete a very very difficult job witness my hand in court facility of Durham north carolina this is 17th day of june 2013 and we'll present this to donal for any comments that he might have i'm a solid waste employee well thank you mr. mayor mayor pro tell members of city council mr. bonfield mr. Ferguson um first of all i want to say that solid waste employees appreciation day in my world that's every day every day they go out they hit the road they do a very very very good job uh the solid waste association of north america our professional association has designated today as garbage man appreciation day i didn't particularly like that i thought it kind of devalues what we do and it devalues hardworking folks so i changed it to the title that we have it as today uh the employees of this department will continue to work hard for the citizens of Durham and on behalf of those hardworking employees thank you all very much for the acknowledgement i would ask uh dona delong if she would join me please don is president of the Durham regional association of realtors and their regional represented from crayons to calculators calculators and okay well i'm gonna let you do all that you want to do i'm just going to present the proclamation but this this has to do with buses but also has to do really with education and school supplies in the Durham public schools where school supplies enable and inspire school success where 62 percent of students in Durham public schools qualify for free or reduced price lunch and are unlikely to be able to afford the supplies they need for their education whereas distributing needed supplies support supports supports Durham's residents students and teachers whereas since 2002 the Durham regional association of realtors has collected donations of school supplies in the months of july and august to enhance the learning opportunities of students of Durham public schools whereas crayons to calculators have provided over 350 000 of supplies to Durham schools and is growing and whereas the city of Durham recognizes that the efforts of the entire community can help ensure that all students and teachers have the tools needed for a successful learning experience donation bins will be available in the real estate firms all over Durham or at the Durham regional association of realtors at 42 36 university drive in Durham north carolina realtors will fill the bus with supplies and delivered to dr lewis faraday the Durham public schools chief of staff on august of 27th 2013 crayons to calculators will facilitate an equitable distribution of all collected supplies to support Durham public school teachers and students now therefore i we will build the all mayor of the city of Durham north carolina to live by proclaim august the third 2013 as 2013 filled the bus day in Durham hereby I encourage and call upon the citizens of Durham to observe this day by contributing classroom supplies to ensure that students and teachers have the necessary tools needed to achieve a positive learning opportunity witness my hand in corpus filled Durham north carolina this is the 17th day of June 2013 and I'm going to present this to these two young ladies and let them introduce themselves it's who they really are I'm Amy Cummings I'm the executive director of crayons to calculators and I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who provides supplies for our school students thanks donald along Durham regional association and realtors president thank you very much for the acknowledgement this recognizes olympic day whereas for over 100 years the olympic movement has built a more peaceful and better world by educating young people through amity athletics by bringing together athletes from many countries and friendly competition by forging new relationships bound by friendship solidarity and fair play whereas the united states olympic committee is dedicated to coordinating and developing amateur athletics activity in the united states to foster productive working relationships among sports related organizations whereas city of Durham promotes and supports amateur athletic activities involving olympic and paralympic sport whereas city of Durham assists organizations and persons concerned with sports and the development of athletic programs will able-bodied and disabled athletes regardless of age race or gender whereas june 23rd is the anniversary of the founding of the modern olympic movement representing the date on which the congress of paris approved the proposal of piera dig copartain to found the modern olympics now therefore i will you be bill bell mayor of the city of Durham north carolina do you have our proclaiming june 23rd 2013 as olympic day in Durham and hereby urge all citizens to take special note of this observance with appropriate ceremonies and activities and witness my hand corporate civil city of Durham north carolina this is the 17th day of june 2013 and present this to shang for in the comments that you may have just wanted to thank mayor bell and the city council for uh okay i mean june 23rd olympic day thank you uh before i um ask for comments from the members of the council i i failed to do something i had planned to do it our last council meeting i just i just didn't do it uh we all know that we and again when we talk about olympics it just reminded me again uh we're a city of champions in many ways not the least of which is in athletics and we all know that uh duke university was a champion in the cross conference a couple weeks ago i guess about three or four weeks ago and i just think it's appropriate that we acknowledge them and mr. mountains if you could prepare a letter for my signature on behalf of the city council to duke university and the coach of that team having said to let me ask are there other comments from members of the council recognize the mayor pro term good evening i'd just like to again recognize the presence of my new godson immanuel colman he asked if i would be his godmother and so i will proclaim publicly that i am now your godmother stand and let the people see who my new god job he is an eight-year-old uh student at eno valley elementary school and um i'm very proud of him can i ask counsel i wasn't going to comment but since we're doing recognitions i wanted to recognize my former colleague on the school board pastor frederick davis is here tonight uh when i left the school board pastor said he was going to be right behind me but i think we're about six years in pastor and you're still there so but good to see you tonight don't often look at facebook but i just happened to open facebook and i saw that deputy manager wander page has an appointment for four years to the board of visitors of the unz system let us give her a round of applause stand up wander she's she's sort of bashful and so she won't stand but congratulations i want to announce that um on wednesday july 31st at nine o'clock a.m. i would like the council to meet and the council city council conference room for the purpose of doing performance evaluations of the city manager city attorney the city clerk and i understand the clerk has coordinated up with everybody so everybody's scheduled meet that and we're both city manager city attorney and city clerk in in that order are there any other comments if not we proceed with the prior items by the city manager thank you mr. mayor members of the council good evening everyone two priority items this evening agenda item number 20 which is the proposed fiscal year 14 planning department work program this item needs to be referred back to the city administration and agenda item number 29 mini assessment role for sewer main on east cornwallis road this item also needs to be referred back and will be rescheduled for the first meeting in august thank you management second it's been properly moving second madam clerk will you open the phone close the vote it passes six to zero recognize the city attorney for any prior items thank you mr. mayor no priority items likewise recognize the city clerk yes mr. mayor members of the council item 38 has been added to your agenda is a supplemental item it's the ordinance setting the filing fees for candidates to municipal office in the city of Durham for the election coming up in November of this year entertaining motion and recognize the city clerk's prior time it's been properly moving second madam clerk will you open the vote close the vote passes six to zero all right we will proceed with the agenda of course the consent agenda items may be approved with a single motion if a council member or a person from the audience chooses to remove the item we'll do that at the appropriate time and recognize the comments again i'll just read the heading of each one of the consent agenda items number one is citizens advisory committee reappointments item two is the Durham city county environmental ferris board reappointment item three is street acceptance item four is fy 2012 2013 a members to the budget ordinance grant project ordinances and internal service fund spending plan resolution and resolution for using contingency funds and acceptance of a donation item five is physically a 2013 2014 budget 2014 2019 capital improvement plan mr mayor recognize councilman shul mr mayor i don't want to pull this from consent but i do want to note that i would like my vote on 5d to adopt an ordinance to establish a monthly rollout card solid waste fee to be recorded as a no i have made my case on this note at the previous meeting and also at the previous work session and did not prevail but i continue to feel that this is regressive and we'd be better serve financing this in another way i do know how badly we need this the the the trucks and so forth that this is paying for but i feel that we could be doing this in a better way mr mayor so i'd appreciate it recording a no vote on that for me recognize the councilman stuels remarks on that recognize councilman katari similar to councilman shul i have the same concerns and would have preferred to fund this with the property tax increase i do support the additional vehicles for the solid waste department so just want to record 5d as a no vote thank you clerk would recognize that at the appropriate time uh item six is wow item six is approval of the assignment assumption and modification of the loan to price deal place housing ink item seven is mortgage loan originating underwriting agreement with sun trust mortgage ink item eight is approval of an economic development initiative special project sub recipient contract between the city of durham and calvary ministers of the west end community ink item nine is fy 14 agreement to fund downtown durham ink for city economic development programs item 10 is contract for city services and programs for the downtown durham municipal service district fy 2014 item 11 is ninth street infrastructure project development agreement between the city of durham and cp gpi regency erwin llc item 12 of bids term contract for hydro ballistic acid flucic acid 800 tons item 13 is bids term contract for sodium hyper chloride 936 000 gallons item 14 is bids for term contract for liquid ammonium sulfate 4560 tons item 15 is bids term contract for liquid sodium hydroxide 2000 tons item 16 is carolina theater agreement extension item 17 is compensation classification plan recommendations item 18 is employee assistance services item 19 is 2013 2014 benefit recommendations item 20 is proposed fy 14 planning department work program work program item 21 is duke energy yeah i just read if i have it here i would accept it as the manager supplemental priority i mean item 21 is duke energy power pole replacement and your driver streetscape item 22 is under local agreement between the town of hillsburg and the city of durham regarding disposition of municipal solid waste generated in the town of hillsburg at the durham transfer station item 23 is sharp rental agreement to multifunction print devices agreement number 1681503 item 24 is passed through agreement with durham county for the allocation disbursement and accounting of federal transit administration section 5316 funds item 25 is the grant project ordinance agreement between the city of durham and north crown department transportation for an apprenticeship intern program at data item 28 is outdoor passenger information systems project item 27 is bus refurbishment contract award and items 28 to 32 items that can be found on the general business agenda as public hearings entertaining emotional approval extended with the exception of item 20 and 29 that's been properly moved to the second item clerk will you open the vote close the vote it passes six to zero with council member council members katati and shul voting no on the monthly solid waste fee before we move to the general business agenda public hearings on assessments improvements uh since we have adopted the budget with the indicated comments uh there's an item and i had some discussion with the city manager on this side some of you may or may not know that there's been a concern raised by the board of county commissioners in terms of funding of the warrant program i've had a discussion with the sheriff and explained to him from my viewpoint of why we made that decision at the time we did but there's also been some concern that maybe the county might want to do a little bit less in terms of planning i've told the manager i support that i mean my position would be i i think given what we're seeing that you know quite frankly we might be doing more planning in the city's jurisdiction than the county and if the county commissioners uh want to take over the warrant program i don't have a problem with that and i don't have a problem with taking over an additional money for the planning department so i'm just throwing that out at the appropriate time we can have have that discussion but that would be my recommendation to recognize councilman caitani thank you mayor um at the work session or the budget planning i made my feelings clear about the warrant program i do feel like we've addressed the backlog and we've supported that program for several years more than we initially planned i do i would like to have a much broader conversation about the planning department because i am very concerned about the implications of that because of the way the interlocal is structured when the county reduces funding it has an approximate or comparable reduction in the city funding i believe and so it has a much bigger impact than the than the initial dollars would look and um you know joint city county planning has committee has looked carefully at the work plan and um i noted previously how much i appreciated the planning directors ability to incorporate the transit the planning for affordable housing around transit so we work to build things into that work plan and i do believe that um the county reduction in funding will have a significant impact of course we haven't seen that we won't see that until august but i i just without having the details am concerned about that so i just wanted to reflect that now thank you my suggestion isn't that we reduce the work amount i guess my suggestion is if the county doesn't want to fund it that uh we we look very closely at funding ourselves and let them go ahead and do the warrant control that they raise a question about and again i haven't had a conversation anybody on the county side and i'm just have read from the meteor accounts and i just had a conversation with the city manager but i think it broke down we can have that discussion recognize the mayor approach to make sure that the the county manager understood that our agreement had ended did we'll see a where i mean this is do you mean the agreement for warrant control yes well clearly we we have been talking about two separate agreements one the the three month extension of the current agreement and then the second piece was the new agreement that will go into place beginning october 1st because i know the comment was made to me by a couple of commissioners that the city council did not make them aware of it and i thought that that was done by the administration so maybe we just they need clarity on on the roles that we actually play recognize council marvin i just want to take a moment and say that i agree with you that i think that the long-range planning in this community is essential and if the county is not going to fund their portion of it or not fund all of their portion of it that it does fall to us to um to go ahead and fund that because i think that the long-range planning including affordable housing and especially around future transit stops is just so important to this community that we can't not do that so you have my support okay recognize councilman brown yeah thank you and i basically concur with all that has been i basically concur with all that has been said but i also believe that the last thing we need in this community is to get into a battle with those who happen to reside on the other side of the street let us say the county government believe me folks at least in my judgment we have enough challenges in raleigh as well as in washington dc and we need to do what we can to work together for all the people of Durham county and Durham city thank you we move to the general business agenda public hearings item 28 public hearing to consider ordering street paving on clover hill place dunwoody subdivision on the neighboring act authority uh good evening mayor bell members of the council robert joiner development review public works department item 28 is to consider the ordering of street paving on clover hill place in the dunwoody subdivision from south riverdale drive through the end of the culvis act this is enabling act authority inside the city limits staff recommends the council adopt a resolution to order the project this is a public hearing matter i would ask other comments by members of the council on this item is anyone that would like to speak on this item independent of whether you signed up or not let the record reflect no one in the public asked to speak on this item i will declare public hearing to be closed as a matter of fact for council it's been properly moved to second madam clerk will you open the vote close the vote it passes six is zero moved item 30 approval of proposed amendments to the f y 2009 2010 2010 2011 2011 2012 2012 2013 annual action plans good evening mayor bell members of city council reginald johnson director of department of community development this item is a reconciliation of several years uh annual action plans and i will turn it over to will mcconnors of federal programs coordinator to provide you with the detail good evening mayor bell members of city council i am will mcconnors federal programs coordinator for department of community development the purpose of this public hearing is to receive citizen comments on the proposed amendments for the subject plans as outlined the citizen participation plan contained in the adopted consolidated plan requires that a public hearing be held for formal amendments that either add delete or substantially change any consolidated plan or annual action plan notice of this meeting was advertised in the herald sun the general lists serve and on the department's website on may 16th and in the carolina times on may 18th the proposed amendments record represent a reconciliation of grant funds to the city general's ledger and assist with the timely expenditure and administration of community development block grant funds and the home investment partnership funds to meet federal guidelines as prescribed and some recent federal programmatic changes the proposed amendments represent a reconciliation of approximately $1,357,071.86 to the community development block grant program and $1,699,621 to the home program the proposed amendments were made available for public review from may 16th through june 17th at the department of community development the derm county public library at the city and county clerk's offices and at the front desk of city hall in addition to the department's website and was also distributed via a general lists serve updates to the proposed amendments as it relates to the home program for the subject annual action plans were also republished on may 22nd 2013 later tonight on the agenda we request that council approve the proposed amendments to the fy 2009 2010 2010 2011 2011 2012 and the 2012 2013 annual action plans in closing comments from this public hearing and a summary of any written comments received from citizens concerning the proposed amendments will be included with the submission to the department of housing and urban development thank you the council has heard the report questions and comments by members of the council let me ask this being a public hearing is that anyone in the public that would like to speak on this item with the comments that the record reflect no one in the public has to speak on this item i would declare a public hearing to be closed as a matter of fact for the council the property movement second madam clerk will you open the vote close the vote it passes six to zero moved item 31 public hearing on proposed sale of 48 lots in south side good evening mayor bailmembers of council larry jarvis department of community development uh because some of the buyers of the homes that will be constructed on the lots are not low to moderate income we are required uh to ensure that we sell the property at fair market value as determined by an appraisal and to conduct public hearing disclosed in terms of the sale so following the public hearing we would ask that council uh authorized the sale of the lots at the indicated value and authorized the city manager to execute sales contracts related documents for the conveyance of the lots to the home builders thank you you've heard the report and recommendation of the staff i don't ask that questions by members of the council first hearing none is anyone in the public would like to speak on this item let the record reflect no one in the public has to speak i would declare a public hearing to be closed as a matter of fact for the council it's been a property movement second madam clerk will you open the vote close the vote it passes six to zero thank you moved item 32 street closings 109 linear feet of urban roads street closing one one two zero zero zero zero zero four good evening steve medlam with the Durham city county planning department the request before council this evening is a request by duke university to close roughly 109 linear feet of urwin road for a width of about one and a half foot because of a encroachment within the right of way of a existing wall retaining wall there in front of the hospital the request has been reviewed by all internal departments and by servicing utility providers and no issues have been identified staff is recommended approval and i'll be happy to answer any questions you may have thank you again this is a public hearing matter public hearing is open as for comments from the council hearing on is there anyone in the public that would like to speak on this item let the record reflect no one in the public has to speak on the item i will declare the public hearing to be closed as a matter of fact for the council it's been a property movement second madam clerk will you open the vote close the vote it passes six to zero the supplemental item item 38 ordinance filing fixing filing fees for candidates to municipal office in the city of derm the property movement second discussion hearing none madam clerk will you open the vote close the vote passes six to zero thank you any other items to come before the council you recognize the mayor pro term clement was named spectacular man of the year um i think it was given a legacy award for all of the contributions he's made that was on thursday night and i did attend and represent the council thank you so congratulations relations i'm sure he's watching us any other items to come before the council not to counsel adjourn at 7 39 p.m thank you


Hmm. Okay, that sounds good. So it's this new strain of green dream What? Oh one moment. This is a sacred entheogen. We must be grateful to the spirit of the plant. Oh Okay, we now open a space of compassionate love for the great celestial one made this perfect and beautiful entheogenic gift from your perfect I just wanted to smoke a joint. Thank you great spirit. Blessed be. Ah ho namaste and so it is so moated be Okay, great. Let's light this thing up. Oh Hey, man, this joint's almost done come have some before it's gone after my shavasana


Ah, borderlines. The only thing better than one borderline in your life is two borderlines in your life. A drink to all the wonderful, enchanted, magical, amazing unicorn creatures known as borderlines. And to the havoc they cause and the pain and the trauma. Today I'm going to discuss many unresolved issues in the understanding of borderline personality disorders and the interaction between borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Joan Lodzkar, my good friend, was the first to write a book about narcissistic borderline couples way back in 1982, if memory doesn't fail me. And so she's a pioneer. Today I'm going to elucidate the complex dynamics in the borderline's mind and how these dynamics manifest, or rather explode and erupt when she is in an intimate relationship with a narcissist. Stay tuned, because they are going to hear things about borderline personality disorder and borderlines in general, which you have never heard before. You're hearing it here first. My name is Sam Vaknin. I'm the author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, a professor of psychology and a long-time admirer of borderline and borderlines and hostage to them. Okay, borderline Shoshanim, we are going to delve right into the black hole, follow me if you dare. In borderline personality disorders, I'm saying disorders because there have been various descriptions of borderline conditions throughout the years, starting in the 1960s. So it's far more accurate to use the plural than the singular at any rate. In borderline personality disorder, there are two anxieties in play, not one. A lot of the literature is mistaken on this. A lot, many scholars, many self-styled experts and even real experts and many, and let alone laymen, make the mistake of believing that borderlines have abandonment anxiety. Now, the clinical term for abandonment anxiety is separation insecurity and borderlines do have abandonment anxiety. They react very badly to perceived rejection and abandonment, real, imaginary or looming. They develop something called anticipatory anxiety. They anticipate the abandonment of the rejection and they react to it, but they have another type of anxiety and it is known as engulfment or enmeshment anxiety. It's the anxiety of being subsumed in the intimate partner, of disappearing into the intimate partner, of merging with the intimate partner, fusing with the intimate partner, never to be seen again. And these two, these two anxieties are constantly at play in the tortured psyche of the borderline. On the one hand, she is terrified of being rejected, abandoned, humiliated and ignored or neglected by her intimate partner and on the other hand, whenever he tries to get closer to her, whenever he tries to develop intimacy in the relationship, whenever the relationship becomes more intense, closer, more loving, she senses that she is disappearing. She senses that her existence is at peril, imperiled. She has an overriding sense of ominous menace. It's atmospheric, it's ambient and she feels like she's suffocating and dying. So it's very difficult to find the golden point, the golden middle between abandonment and engulfment. If you get close to the borderline, if you get intimate with the borderline, she feels that you're about to take over. She experiences it as a hostile takeover. And if you try to stay arm's length, respectful of her boundaries and to give her personal space and personal time, she would experience this as abandonment and rejection. Actually, borderlines interpret or misinterpret almost anything and everything as abandonment and rejection. If you are busy, if you're going on a trip, if you're talking to someone for too long, if you're not paying them constant attention, 24-7, 365. The problem is both anxieties, the separation anxiety and the engulfment anxiety, both of them put the borderline in touch with her empty schizoid core. Remember that at the core of many cluster B personality disorders, there's an emptiness, avoid a black hole, the howling corridors of an abandoned mansion. So when the borderline anticipates or experiences abandonment, she negates herself. It's like the borderline defines herself similar to the narcissist. The borderline defines herself via the other's gaze. The intimate partner carries out many important functions for the borderline. The borderline is unable to regulate her internal environment. She is unable to control her moods and her emotions and many of her cognitions. She is not exactly in touch with reality. She has impaired reality testing. So what the borderline does is she outsources these functions. They are known as ego boundary functions. She outsources these functions to the intimate partner. She lets the intimate partner, for example, affect her moods, regulate them. She lets the intimate partner provoke in her emotions and then control the intensity of these emotions so that they don't overwhelm her. And she lets the partner serve as a mediator between her and reality. She mediates reality. Reality is mediated through the intimate partner. So all these are ego functions. Healthy people do all these things from the inside. They don't need anyone outside to do these things, to perform these functions. Borderlines and narcissists do. So when the borderline anticipates abandonment, she actually anticipates an amputation of part of her mind because the intimate partner is perceived by the borderline to be an extension of her tortured mind. If he goes away, he will have taken with him a part of her mind. So it's like losing her mind. Abandonment is perceived as losing her mind. And what is when you lose your mind? You lose yourself. So it is self-extinction, self-annihilation. Abandonment is perceived by the borderline as the equivalent of mental death. Engulfment, on the other hand, is exactly the same because engulfment negates the separateness of the borderline. Engulfment means that the borderline vanishes and then reappears within the intimate partner. They become one, merger, fusion. They become a single organism with two heads. And to do that, the borderline needs to disappear. In a typical relationship with the borderline, there's the intimate partner and an emptiness. An emptiness where the borderline used to be. Now the borderline is inside the intimate partner. It's a kind of haunting opposition or body snatching or mind snatching. That's what the borderline does to her mates. And so both abandonment anxiety and engulfment anxiety force the borderline to get in touch with her schizoid empty core. They negate her existence in different ways. And this is, of course, a terrifying experience. Being in touch with your own emptiness, with your non-existence, is a terrifying experience. So this creates in the borderline a repetition compulsion. In other words, a behavior that repeats itself regardless of negative outcomes. So the repetition compulsion specific to the borderline is known as approach avoidance. Approach avoidance, repetition compulsion. The borderline approaches her intimate partner. She wants, she craves intimacy. She wants to be desired. She wants to be in a relationship. She needs the companionship. The intimacy for her signifies that she exists. She's being seen. The gaze of the partner defines her. Outlines her contours, which are a poor substitute for boundaries in healthy people. So the intimate partner is like a scanning laser that creates the demarcation and the outline of the borderline and separates her from the rest of the world brings her into life as an entity. And so she approaches the intimate partner because she needs to be regulated via the intimate partner. She needs her mate to mediate between her and herself and between her and her world. She craves intimacy, but then when she gets it, when the intimate partner is responsive, loving, caring, compassionate, holding, empathic and warm, she gets terrified. She becomes terrified because she feels that she is about to be subsumed in the intimate partner, swallowed and digested, assimilated. She's about to vanish. And so she begins to avoid the partner. She develops avoidant behaviors, approach, avoidance, approach, avoidance, hot and cold. These behaviors are very disorienting. The borderline intimate partner becomes very confused and then irritated and then aggressive. She provokes intimate partner abusive behaviors. This process is known as projective identification. But many, many partners of borderlines describe the following situation. The first six months or one year or two years of the relationship were wonderful. There was no untoward behavior. There was no problematic conduct. Everything was okay. Intimacy was growing. Love was flourishing. Smiles were all around. The couple was getting more cohesive and more bonded. Attachment was growing. Everything felt perfect. Let's say the first six months or the first year or first two years and then suddenly out of the blue, seemingly without any provocation, the borderline changes. She becomes aggressive, often violent. She misbehaves in public. She acts out. She does crazy things. She becomes defined and reckless. She engages in very hurtful, injurious and painful behaviors. For example, she cheats compulsively with strangers or she gets, she develops alcoholism and substance abuse. So, and this happened suddenly after an initial phase of perfect harmony, ideal couple, couple good. What happened? Why this sudden transition? If you use the twin construct of the two anxieties and the approach avoidant behaviors that they create, you can interpret this sudden transition. At the beginning of the relationship, the borderline feels in control. She feels in control because she's the focus of attention. There is limerence. There is infatuation. There is a laser-like focus on her. She is the pivot around which her intimate partner's life revolves. She is the core.  And so she feels that she has leverage. She feels that she can always kind of modify the intimate partner's behavior and avoid abandonment and rejection. In other words, she has an internal locus of control. She feels that she is in charge of everything that's happening in the relationship because she has a lot of power over her partner. Borderlines generally engage in power plays and tend to interpret everything in terms of power matrices, who is on top, who is winning, who is losing. They're very competitive and very possessive. And so at the beginning of the relationship, and it can last a month, six or two years, at the beginning of a relationship the honeymoon fades. The borderline doesn't experience abandonment anxiety or engulfment anxiety. She cannot be abandoned because the intimate partner is all over her, clearly infatuated and will never let her go. She's the best thing that had ever happened to him. He is enchanted. He's under a spell. So no abandonment anxiety, but also no engulfment anxiety because she is the one doing the engulfing. She is in control. She dictates the tempo. She is the one who delineates the parameters of the relationship, intensifies, reduces, she's totally in charge. And so no abandonment, no anxiety. But then the relationship evolves. Daily life has its own, its own rhythm and its own calculus. There's friction, there are debates, there are disagreements, there are negotiations, there are compromises to be made, there are common goals to be set. There is the tedium and boredom of routine. And all this interferes with the borderline's self-perception as godlike. That's her grandiosities, grandiosities speaking. And so daily life in this sense is a narcissistic injury. It's a challenge to the borderline's grandiosity. It undermines it. The borderline begins to realize the limitations of her power within the dynamic of the relationship. And so the twin anxieties suddenly are evoked. They are provoked. And the locus of control shifts from internal to external. Now the borderline becomes more and more dependent on her intimate partner, more and more demanding, more and more clinging, more and more needy, because her abandonment anxiety had kicked in. But whenever he tries to accommodate her, to provide her with more intimacy and love and compassion and affection and warmth and acceptance and empathy and what have you and sympathy, she reacts by pushing him away. And she pushes him away because her engulfment anxiety kicks in. Now she can't admit to any of this. So she tends to project and she would say that she's not the one pushing her partner away. She is the one being pushed away. It is the intimate partner who is doing the pushing away. He is the one who is destroying the intimacy. He's the one who is introducing conflict and aversion and aggression into what hitherto had been a paradise, an ideal liaison, a diode to die for. She's very angry at him. She becomes aggressive because she feels that he is undermining and destroying everything they had built together. Although in reality, she is the one. She is the one doing it. She is the one pushing him away. She is the one who renders herself insufferable and her behaviors become more and more unacceptable until they escalate to the point of acting out. Acting out usually happens when the borderline perceives imminent or actual abandonment and rejection. At that point, a psychopathic self-state takes over. The borderline becomes a secondary factor to psychopath, not a classic psychopath, but a factor to psychopath, actually a dysregulated psychopath. She decompensates all her defenses crumble. The narrative that she had constructed where she was on top and her intimate partner was actually her extension, a kind of external regulator of her ego functions, that narrative crumbles. In a way, the borderline creates the equivalent of the narcissist's shared fantasy. It's a narrative, but it is a solipsistic narrative. The borderline doesn't bother to involve her intimate partner in her shared fantasy. The shared fantasy is exclusively hers.  In this fictional account, she is a goddess worshipped and admired and adulated and catered to and attended to by her intimate partner. Daily life and what daily life brings, which is usually conflict and friction, undermine this storyline, this storyboard and everything falls apart. At that point, she decompensates. Decompensates means all her defenses and her personal shared fantasy. They fall apart. They fall to dust and she acts out.  It's a protective measure. She can't tolerate the pain and the hurt. They overwhelm her. They dysregulate her. They threaten to drown her. Borderline use many, borderline use metaphors of water.  She says, who cares? I'm defined in your face, my way or the highway. I'm going whatever I want to do. I'm going to do whatever I want to do. And then she actually dysregulates behaviorally and she becomes defined and reckless and dangerous to herself and to others. All this process involves dual mothering. Now we already established that the borderline has her own variant of concern, her own variant of shared fantasy. The narcissist shared fantasy involves two people. The narcissist shared fantasy is a theater play for two actors. One is the narcissist and the other is the intimate partner. The shared fantasy of the narcissist was first described by Sander in 1989, not by Vaknin. The borderline has her own version of shared fantasy but the borderline shared fantasy is a theater play for one. It's a monodrama. It's a single actor or actress and that would be the borderline. The borderline creates a shared fantasy where only she exists. The intimate partner's role is to allow the play to go on. The intimate partner in the borderline's world is a prop. He is a stage hand. His job is to make sure that the curtain goes up on time, all the furniture and props are on stage and the stage is set for the borderline's performance. His job in other words is to provide the borderline with the internal harmony and stability of your stasis and equilibrium that will allow her to carry on with her life. And this is her shared fantasy. In her shared fantasy, the intimate partner is a part of her and she is a part of him. They're one. They're a single organism. It's a merger and fusion fantasy. Very similar to the co-dependence shared fantasy but the co-dependence shared fantasy actually is closer to the narcissist because in the co-dependence shared fantasy there are two figures. In the borderlines, there's only one. The borderline is not able to recognize the separateness over intimate partner because such separateness would threaten her too much. If he's separate, he can walk away and if he can walk away, he will walk away. He will abandon her. So her abandonment anxiety precludes her from recognizing the individuality and separateness of her mate and her engulfment anxiety precludes her also from recognizing his separate existence because she is one with him. And she is terrified of this, of the fact that she is all alone. The borderline's universe is totally solipsistic. Into this mess, into this mix come trotting the charming narcissist. When the borderline comes across a narcissist, a magical alchemy takes place. Indeed, many borderlines tend to team up with narcissists in intimate relationships. The borderline narcissistic couple is a very well-established clinical fact. Why do borderlines gravitate to narcissists? Why do they seek them out? There are many answers to this and Joanne Lachkar had tackled this issue in my view most profoundly when she said that the borderline that the narcissist trigger each other's wounds, what she calls the V spot, the vulnerability spot. And so by triggering each other's wounds, they're actually catering to each other's needs, emotional needs. That's one answer and I'm sure it's completely valid, but there's another and the other answer is dual mothering. Now you remember from my conversations, from the conversations I had with Richard Granon that I suggested that the narcissist becomes a maternal figure. When the narcissist comes across a potential intimate partner, the narcissist strikes a deal with the intimate partner.  I'm going to love you unconditionally. I'm going to idealize you in the love bombing phase and I'm going to love you unconditionally. And in return, you're going to love me unconditionally.   We're going to mother each other. We're going, we both are going to regress to infancy and childhood and react our childhood with much better outcomes. That's the Faustian deal that the intimate partners of narcissists strike with the narcissist. The same happens with a borderline in relationships with non-borderlines. The narcissist and his intimate partners are good enough maternal figures in a shared fantasy. They are kind of fake family. It's a fake family concept. The narcissist comes to the intimate partner, idealizes her and then lets her have access to her idealized image. He grants her access to this idealized image of her that he had created and she follows in love with her own idealized image through his gaze, through his eyes. The narcissist becomes a conduit of self-love, a vessel, a container of self-love. So when the narcissist idealizes his partner, he is acting as any mother does. Mothers tend to idealize their children and they tend to offer the child unconditional love, love that is not conditioned on performance, love that is not conditioned on behavior. Mother's love is not dependent or conditioned upon any external parameter. It's just there. It's a fact of life. It's a force of nature. The narcissist imitates this, emulates this very convincingly because in the love bombing and grooming phases, the narcissist appears to be maternal in the sense that he accepts his intimate partner in her totality, flaws and warts and shortcomings and frailties and weaknesses, everything. He glorifies her. He glamorizes her. He renders her perfect in his eyes and he broadcasts this message to her.  I love you the way a good enough mother loves and all I'm asking is that you love me back the same way and I'm going to test you.   So this is the sick dynamic between narcissists and non-borderline intimate partners. In relationships with borderlines, the narcissist offers the same unconditional love. The same unconditional love. Narcissist says to the borderline, I'm going to love you. The narcissist says to the borderline, I'm going to love you. I'm going to love you as you are. I'm going to accept you as you are. I'm going to assimilate you. I'm going to merge with you.  My love is unconditional. It's not, it has nothing to do with your performance and nothing to do with even with your qualities. I just love you because you are. That's the narcissist's message to the borderline. But there's a huge difference between relationships with non-borderlines and relationships with borderlines. When the narcissist teams up with a borderline, the borderline message is not, I'm going to do the same. I'm going to love you unconditionally. You remember when the narcissist has an intimate partner who is a non-borderline, they both mother each other. They both provide each other with unconditional love. When the narcissist teams up with a borderline, he provides her with unconditional love.  Now, this is very interesting, very interesting twist. The borderline allows the narcissist to act simultaneously as a mother figure to her and as a parentified child.  The narcissist mothers the borderline as a child. He loves the borderline unconditionally as a good enough mother should do. And the borderline laps it up, she loves it. That's one side of the equation. The other side of the equation, the borderline becomes a mother to the narcissist. It's dual mothering. The narcissist mothers the borderline. The borderline mothers the narcissist. But the borderline becomes the narcissist's dead mother. I repeat this, it's very important. The borderline becomes the narcissist's dead mother.  By becoming this dead mother, she allows him to parentify himself. She allows him to mother his mother and to have a chance at healing her and fixing her and saving her. This is a super crucial insight. The reason narcissists bond, trauma bond with borderlines is because the borderline recreates the narcissist's real mother, his original mother. The borderline is not a good mother.  In other words, the borderline becomes the mother, the narcissist actually had her.  And to have a second chance with his real mother. And the narcissist develops this rescuer, savior, healer, fixer obsession.  It's unbelievable. It's a time travel experience. He's back to childhood. And now he can make it right. He can parentify himself. He can become his mother's mother, his mother's parent. And with his love, dedication, and energy, vital energy. He can revive his mother. He can heal her. He can fix her. He can cure her. And the borderline gives him this, this illusion, this delusion, because she is in need of saving. She is in need of being protected. She's a drama queen. She's constantly on the verge of suicide or on the verge of a crisis. So I don't know what she's constantly overwhelmed, constantly dysregulated. And the narcissist feels, here's my chance. Here's my chance to fix my mother. Here's my chance to fix my mother. And if I only fix my mother by being a good mother to her, by parentifying myself, all will be well. All will be well. And life will have been restored and justice and everything. It's an irresistible fantasy. And only the borderline can provide the narcissist with this. Hence the intensity and strength of the bond between narcissists and borderline. When the narcissist teams up with just anyone, any intimate partner, who is healthy, has boundaries and so on, yeah, there is dual mother. The narcissist mothers the intimate partner. The intimate partner mothers the narcissist. They are both good enough mothers initially. And so that's it. But it doesn't work. It falls apart. It falls apart because the narcissist never had a good enough mother. He doesn't know how to deal with good enough mothers. So he begins to abuse his intimate partner. But with the borderline, that's his comfort zone.  He knows how to deal with bed, dead mothers. He is the world's leading expert on bed, dead mothers. And here's one right in his backyard, waiting for him, waiting for him to change her, to transform her, to cure her, to heal her, to fix her. And by doing so, to fix himself, to cure himself, to save himself, to rescue himself. It is redemption, vicarious redemption by proxy. And the borderline gives the narcissist this illusionary chance, second illusionary chance. And he takes it and he runs with it. And the deeper he is immersed in this shared fantasy, the more it's difficult for him to extricate himself. And the borderline, knowingly, sometimes plays this role by using intermittent reinforcement, approach avoidance, and other psychopathic ploys when she is in the psychopathics of state. Because she feels that this binds the narcissist to her. This reduces her abandonment anxiety. She knows if the more dead, the more dead as a mother she is, the less likely the narcissist is to abandon and reject her.  And also it guarantees that there will be no engulfment because the narcissist will never merge with his dead mother. The narcissist wants to fix and cure and heal and rescue and save his dead mother, rendering her a good enough mother so that he can merge with her. But as long as the borderline resists this process, as long as she insists on remaining a dead mother, she will never be engulfed and she will never be abandoned. Hence the perpetual dynamic, the perpetual mobility of narcissists borderline dynamics in a couple, in a relationship.


What's up everybody just here for Jatsby's Case Race.com this little random number block for Gold Center football picketing number three is sold out It's a 12 team R&B that features the Colts Panthers dolphins rams bangles chargers Titans Bears Browns Patriots Jets and Bucks You get a piece of those teams via a serial number break obviously those are examples there We go by the first number on the left side of the serial number dash And here we go roll it See what numbers you get matched up with four enough six ten times One two three four five six seven eight nine ten Also to you guys I actually made the announcement before I forget For some reason there was a weird glitch on this on this on our website for this specific break So we oversold by four spots So Dennis you got refunded one you keep your three in here You just got refunded one and then I believe a Douglas G and Omar I think Douglas had grabbed two spots or more grab this spot. I refunded you guys too. So unfortunately It was a weird glitch. I had a refund also Dennis one spot, but you guys got refunded So you know obviously you can use that for the next R&B that we do or any other feature break on the website But sorry about that. I was does that was weird usually that doesn't happen But it did so that's kind of like the protocols we usually do here All right, so there you go guys Ten there's the names so sick the four to six ten times. There's a number zero one two three four five six seventy nine one two three four five six seven eight nine ten Six down to one All right, Dennis was six Pat with four Steve with three Joe with five Dennis with nine Jeremy with zero or eight Sorry, sunny with zero remember any and all redemptions doesn't matter Dennis with two Alexander with seven and Steve any one-on-ones potentially will be all yours there, buddy So there you go guys. I'm gonna alphabetize it and There's the teams there Post them in there Yeah, good luck guys. Come to a lot of breaks coming up next


This is like an exact mix of a German shepherd pit bull. And this will tell us, did she learn something and did I teach her something? Hello everybody and welcome back to the coolest dog training channel right here on YouTube. I'm Tom Davis, America's canine educator. Thank you for joining me right here today. Today we are in Richmond, Virginia working with two different dogs in the same house working on two different things. One of the dogs needs behavioral work and confidence building and the other dog needs obedience and leash structure. So we're gonna be working on two different things. If you guys haven't yet, don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel and like this video and I hope you enjoy it. I'm about to go in and figure out exactly what's going on and hopefully help these guys out. So here we go. The dogs are barking. Hello. Hello. Tom. Stephen. Stephen nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Hi. Nice to meet you. Like the game plan kind of go over like the itinerary of what's going on a little bit more in depth. Olivia, who's our first, she's three years old now, better since she was a puppy. I think she came from like kind of an abusive background, a rescuer. She's always been super timid, a bit aware we can't walk or we can't do anything. Just she puts her feet in the ground and just like, I'm not going anywhere, which is what background they both have gone through like training purely positive training. Yep. They can do stuff for food, but when Olivia gets into like her state of like, this is scary.  And then Asher is just, she's half German shepherd, half people.  She's a great dog when you have lots of cheese and hot dogs, but doesn't listen at all. Sure. Don't have any of that stuff. Sure. She's a little bit least reactive to dogs.  Cause dogs think so differently than us. We go outside. We're like, Oh, we're outside. This is my yard. There's my neighbor. There's the sun. They're like hyper like irritated by everything. There's sensations. They're hearing their smell. Everything is like, we'll judge them outside. See how we go.  And then we'll come back to HQ here and figure out a good game plan and see what we need to do. Cool. This is like a exact mix of a German shepherd pit bull. So this is Asher, right? Yes. Okay. Hey, sweetheart. She looks excited. You guys are using the gentle, gentle thing. Yeah. See that? It works. Yes. Yes. It works like a horse harness type thing, like a head halter. It's exactly what it is. The only thing I don't like about it is that is where they have, they don't have the option to turn it off where if you put like a slip collar, prom collar, dominant dog collar, whatever, when the only time that that's actually applied is when they pull or when they don't comply to a basic command. Right. So for that, I just, I don't, I love, because it works nice. Like they feel that pressure because it hits pressure points. There's two pressure points that it's hitting. There's one up here and there's one right, actually right there. And but the only problem is it just doesn't shut off. So for me, it doesn't create that clarity of like good, bad, good, bad. It's just constant, like half bad. And then sometimes like there's a lot more pressure. So anyway, we're going to put on just a little slip. I want to see. So what I want is more engagement. I want her to go, what are we doing? Where are we going? Where are we going? Right now. I mean, you can even see a little bit of a difference already where she's like, good heel. Good. Good job. Sweetheart. Good. Good girl. It's not going to do because I just want to make sure I want to make sure we're on the same page. And so now I'll take the slip and just put it right on her collar, okay? And this will tell us, did she learn something and did I teach her something or is she completely compliant with the equipment? What a wonderful girl. It's beautiful. Yeah. So there's nothing. And you can see in her eyes, she's completely like glassed over of like, there's structure here. You can see what I can do and what I can't do. And so here we've developed clarity quickly. And now like you can tell her and I's relationship how calm and nice she is. I'm walking with one finger and she's completely complying. And the most important thing about this whole thing is she's happier. The second thing is, is I'm not forcing her to do anything.  Let's pay attention. Okay. It's better than that scraping and that, you know, now you can enjoy your dog, which is, which is wonderful. And would it take like 10 minutes? So I'm going to keep working her here on the flat collar. And then my job is done. And now it's your turn. Okay. Yep. Good. So the most important thing is when we're trying to create and capture new behaviors and my opinion, and that's the thing about dog training. It's not, you're right. You're wrong. There's a right way. There's a wrong way. We're all humane and we're all reaching the same goal of creating new behaviors filled with motivation and compassion and empathy. Everybody's right. Right. So in my opinion, I like to mark this behavior as I'm doing it. So the dog captures it well. Right. So just like with kids, one plus one is two plus two, and you do it over and out. And then all of a sudden you learn your ABCs and your math equations. Same thing here. Good heel. Bam. Good heel. So she's going to go, I think there's something to this heel thing. So I'm trying to teach her behavior through using verbal markers and association with this marker. Does that make sense? Beautiful. So you can, like if you find yourself, yeah, and you can also too, just do a little quick redirection, switch up, say, hey, pay attention to me. Good girl. He'll remember. Oh, now I remember. Good. Sit. Good girl. Right.  Hello. Wiggly like comes around, but ultimately ends up here as I get yours. You want to keep her into position, but what I would say is, let me see here, just try to slow everything down. Everything that you're doing, like take it down like two, two notches. The faster you move with an animal, the more everything is like stimulated and predatory for her. So I'm going to demonstrate that again for you. He'll, he'll pop there. Did you see that? Now again, no verbal compliance, right? So she gets it and she's like, oh yeah. So now people will say like, you want to be 100% like fear free and all that stuff. I agree to a certain, you know, angle, but I also do want to administrate some sort of fear into her in a positive way, just like with kids or anything, right? We're like, if you do that again, X, whatever that is, whatever that punishment may be, may be for the particular case.  So that fear is actually use fear. Don't be afraid of fear, but like I said, because of the propaganda we have in the dog training industry and it's all over the place. That's why I'm like, I don't really train dogs. I'm here to just work with you guys. I'm completely trying to remove myself from the industry because it's really bad right now. She's teaching me again the like, popping technique and I feel like I'm more disappointed. Okay. Yep. So you go, you go this way.  So when you go that way, you're doing more of like this. Walk that way. So you're like, oh, not paying attention. You're more like, come this way. And that doesn't really, you're kind of like, okay, I'm going this way. So let's go back this way again. So you fly at the end of the leash, he'll pop, feel that pop like that. I always do that. That's why I always tell people, hang on to it. It's okay. But that's what you want to, that's what you, you got it? Okay. So that's, and that's the thing is like, I'm not doing it hard. I'm just doing it fast. So that's what you want to do is just pop like this. Cause again, if you're like, Hey, let's go this way versus like, Hey, here. All right. Let's try it again. So this is Olivia. Thank you guys so very much for watching this video. If you haven't yet, don't forget like, subscribe to my channel, turn on your notifications so you don't miss any other episodes coming for me. We're likely going to shoot a second episode with these guys tomorrow moving into a little bit more distracted environments. Really happy with how everything's turned out here today with the owners and the dogs. Thank you for watching. I will talk to you next time.


Hello, hope you are well. My name is Frank and welcome back to my channel. It is a pleasure to have you here with me today and I've been a little too humble lately. The nutritional genius in my opinion is an adequate title, especially considering that over the past few years, I've seen social media influencers entire businesses make hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars off of my own ideas while censoring my channel so people don't find out where they got that information from. That being said, we're going to have a lot of vegetable seed oils in this cheat day so keep in mind that as long as a certain percentage of fat in your diet does not exceed maybe three or four percent from linoleic acid, you're okay. We're definitely doing that today so I don't suggest doing this every single day. I've been kind of lazy lately, I haven't had time to cook, I've been exhausted so for me to grab some of these foods and have them, of course it's 100% better if you can make it yourself. That being said, let's take a look at what we got today. We are having a steak sandwich with chips, organic bread alone sourdough bread, organic flank steak from Frankie's Surrange Meat. We have some vegan mayo which I will get into explaining and the main negative thing today is these tortilla chips, white corn that are fried in usually some type of vegetable seed oil, canola, safflower and again, make these yourself. Only negative thing in, sometimes I have potato chips but one day they ran out of these so I just tried that. I like toasting the bread but this doesn't fit in this toaster so I usually do it once and then I'll flip it and then go a little longer. This is one of the flank steak options we have on Frankie's Surrange Meat. Some of our farmers have like an overstock from a distributor and we get something special but most of the time we just have actually the whole flank steak sold in a two pound portion and the reason I like flank for steak sandwiches is because it's very easy to cut, it's pretty lean and it has a nice flavor and texture. I'm just going to pat it dry, have some of the land salt from Frankie's Surrange Meat and be very careful with this salt guys, it's very potent. This other salt you have to put a lot on but this tastes overly salty in comparison, salty or salt. I'll just crack a little bit of black pepper on one side. So we have our steel fry pan here, a little bit of coconut oil. So while the steak is searing and the bread is toasting I'm going to explain why I'm using a vegan mayonnaise. Now before I found this I was actually just putting some coconut oil on the bread before I toasted it in the oven and I would put a little bit of mustard which was very, very delicious and I said hey, is there a mayonnaise in the store that I could actually eat. I don't consume dairy now because it's very high in calcium, not good for my current diet and eggs are very high in sulfur, I also do not tolerate them at all. So no eggs, no dairy, kind of hard to have mayonnaise but this isn't bad. They use high oleic sunflower oil so the little oleic acid content is much lower, organic chickpeas, you know, not the end of the world, lemon juice not bad, distilled vinegar not bad. There are some additives, acacia gum, xanthan gum, rosemary extract, black pepper, citric acid, mustard, extract and lemon oil. So it's actually not too horrible, you know, to have this once or twice a week on a sandwich to me is not the end of the world. Of course the coconut oil, mustard combo would be a lot healthier.  This is what I've been using, sir Kensington's classic vegan mayo, not the worst thing out there. We got our bread toasted, steak's been resting a minute and the flying steak is very easy to see the grain so we're just going to cut a few strips. So I like quite a bit of mayo, maybe 200 to 300 calories worth, so about two tablespoons.  What do they say on TikTok now? The girls that get it, get it, and the girls that don't, don't.  As usual we have our water kefir, I'm having the pineapple today which I've really been enjoying so this bottle on the right is what I had last night with dinner and it's just been sitting on the counter so it's room temperature. Bottle on the left is a new one that was kind of cold in my garage so what I like to do is you know strain them a second time even though we already strain them at the warehouse and I'll probably have three glasses total with the meal. So we have our mayonnaise sandwich, I got my pineapple hooch, aka the water kefir and the culprit today is these organic tortilla chips and as I said earlier they're using seed oil so I should not be eating these one bag, maybe once a month isn't the end of the world, however I've been having too much of this so make your own potato chips yourself or french fries yourself. Don't get something with vegetable seed oils, unfortunately there's nothing in the supermarket that doesn't get fried in that and I don't have the time right now to make these myself so I should be using something different however these white corn chips kind of agree with my stomach I don't feel too horrible after eating them. I might do like a bean dip for chips as a recipe in a week or two but I'm just having these plain supplement wise I'll show you guys in a little bit we have the water kefir grain some charcoal and some mastic gum carnivore diet to a steak and mayonnaise sandwiches I'm still waiting to have a heart attack so one time I went to the supermarket on a Monday and like all the shells were sold out because everyone went shopping Sunday the day before and instead of getting the regular potato chips I got these and these are actually pretty good even on their own this new pineapple flavor is so so good apple lemon is also delicious I'm not sure if we're sold out so maybe I'll try to get some more pineapples in next week I'm gonna fill up the water kefir again now if you're not doing too good you might want to just have like a cup of water kefir and have some more grains me I just have like three cups of water kefir with the grain so again sensitive stomach have a couple teaspoons of grains with the meal instead of drinking the water kefir so once I have half of my sandwich I'll take the water kefir grains and want to start with a teaspoon but I'm kind of doing a tablespoon now and this is just a more complex probiotic bacteria and yeast culture that's gonna help me digest even more I think I said it a week or two ago that and I was still breaking out a little bit on occasion but once I eat the grains in addition to having the kefir to drink completely clears up and we also have the mastic gum guys I'll take maybe a teaspoon of the pebbles you guys are curious where to get any of this stuff frank-safon.com the steak Frankie's Sourage Meat the mastic gum is on organ supplements and the water kefir and the kefir grains are on frankiesfreerangefoods.com we have another bite of my mayonnaise sandwich I'm kind of like a clean freak like after I get food on my hands and mouth I completely clean it after every single bite and that's a good thing because you know in my business applications like I'm really meticulous and organized about everything on the other hand you know when like some girl asked me to you know dive down into her moth not my thing not my thing it's like an open wound you know fucking who knows what's coming out of there that's what the water keepers for if I'm completely blasted I'll do anything I mean I'll talk about it more this weekend but it's like life sucks now you know everyone's lost their mind everyone's crazy everyone's brainwashed I'm just like completely censored on every social media platform I try to go on so can't even talk about it all right on to glass number three and guys I'm doing God's work I'm showing you guys you can go home have a mayonnaise steak sandwich with some chips and some and get drunk and blessed and still fix your liver literal God's work you know it's an interesting contrast when you actually have high quality food you know you have your own fermented water keeper organic steak sandwich high quality potato chips versus the the normie who just goes to the gas station gets a bag of chips some beer and a deli sandwich and is poisoning himself but now you can hey have fun and be healthy don't girls eat like pineapple so their koochie smells better should I put that under the product description for the pineapple keeper may make your private parts more enjoyable last but not least activated charcoal maybe four capsules now mastic gum and charcoal are two antimicrobials that do not affect the liver so they kind of stay outside of it they don't damage it at all when you take stuff like oregano oil broad spectrum candida supplements digestive enzymes pretty pretty rough on the liver so if you guys haven't been feeling too good with your meals whatever you've been eating lately definitely try the combination of keepers of probiotic with masticum and the charcoal as an antimicrobial that being said I'm gonna wrap this up before I say anything that will get me taken off of YouTube so as I mentioned earlier you guys can go to frank-to-pile.com to support me through all of my businesses if you could drop a like on the video leave me a comment down below subscribe so that YouTube can unsubscribe you next week and be sure to check that notification bell so they don't notify you of my videos that being said I will unfortunately be filming another video for tomorrow


Hi there, everyone. My name is Ben. I'm working with Mike and Shovey and the Health Systems Collaborative. So rheumatic heart disease is a potentially fatal disease of childhood and it's entirely, entirely preventable. And in fact, in many countries like England, it's been completely eliminated. And we use it as a disease as a bit of a marker for how the health system is functioning. That's because it can work across the entire array of a health system right from having healthy homes and healthy hygiene practices to complex immunological, acute rheumatic fever processes right up until intense, pretty serious heart surgery as well. And one of the biggest challenges with rheumatic heart disease is the detection of it. And back home in Australia, we have some of the highest rates in some of our remote, particularly indigenous communities. We often have children that are presenting far too late already in heart failure. So the proposed solution to this is having a task sharing screening program where we train up local community health workers who are able to use handheld devices to actually detect rheumatic heart disease and then have remote expert reviewers who are able to actually diagnose a disease. But one of the biggest challenges with this that we face, particularly in Australia, is that it's a big country. It's really big. And each of the communities where rheumatic heart diseases most prevalent are entirely different. So I'm looking at all the implementation factors so that we can move this novel idea from discrete research projects into a fully fledged public health intervention across the entire country where rheumatic heart disease is. So part of that is using co-design work, using theory of change work. Right now I'm doing a real estate valuation where I'm looking specifically at this task sharing process and how to integrate it successfully into various clinics across the country. And finally, we're going to be looking at, well, can this task sharing program and this task sharing idea actually be used more broadly as a solution to Australia's rural health workforce crisis.