All right, let's face it if you've ever experienced someone who cheated on you It sucks, right? It sucks because on some level when there's a commitment to be Monogamous with one another and exclusive with one another a commitment to one another only to find out that that commitment has been broken it can suck and And while there are plenty of people who cheat basically because they're sex addicts In other words, they literally cannot be happy with one person at any given time The vast majority of people cheat for a variety of different reasons and quite frankly their reasons are Typically because they don't feel fulfilled in the relationship on either a physical or emotional level I repeat that they don't feel fulfilled in the relationship on a physical or an emotional level and yet They oftentimes stay in relationships with people because it's better to be in a mediocre relationship Than in no relationship whatsoever In fact a vast majority of human beings men and women alike Stay in mediocre relationships because it's better to be in a mediocre one Than none at all and yet when there's something missing and you're craving something more that Emotional connection that physical intimacy whatever it is that causes a person to step out of a relationship It's that unaddressed issue Whether by one partner or both That is the person that becomes the precipitating event of cheating Now if cheating isn't always Penis in the vagina cheating cheating can be emotional cheating in fact from what I understand women have a greater propensity to have emotional affairs and Men tend to have more physical affairs although those numbers are becoming quite reversed in other words We're not reversed but in other words there are plenty of women having Physical affairs and plenty of men having emotional affairs as well because the vast majority of humans are rather Dysfunctional in their relationship skills and their emotional maturity Sadly, this is a real problem that rarely gets discussed that rarely well not rarely It gets discussed mental health issues when you watch the Johnny Depp Amber Heard kind of trials But rarely is the the day-to-day Dysfunctionality of human beings that cause them to step out of their relationships are ever addressed because most humans show up in relationship so fucking naive To the real understanding of the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship now. I think part of the problem is that Listen when men and women are in their 20s and 30s men in particular when a man is in his 20s and 30s And he seeks to be in relationship.  So his mindset is I'm choosing the mother of it and my children so it's a completely different set of of Parameters or standards versus those of us in midlife and those of us in midlife Which I talk about is after baby making years and before retirement most humans They don't know what they want. They want companionship. They want connection. They want sex But they're not necessarily even certain what a healthy relationship looks like especially if they've gone through a divorce And so when you have this dysfunctional group of people out in the marketplace in the dating marketplace And I know that might turn some of you off light by me saying dating marketplace, but it is now a dating marketplace Let me explain why I say this up until literally when we go back to Neanderthals 200,000 years ago up until 50 years ago literally 200,000 years and 50 years ago, okay Most the time people mated with those in their tribe their village the town they live in That's where you met everyone now. Yes, of course throughout history There's the exception to the rule but most the time you dated you you're mating in your tribe of the same religion the same culture the same Ethnicity the same race all these things you were usually mating within that tribe Now here in the United States We're a melting pot of different types of people and we have the entire because of these devices We have the entire country to date mate and relate with and Because of that we're meeting total strangers in many cases and when we're meeting total strangers We don't know who they are And when you don't really know someone except many of you operate from the fantasy that if we have amazing chemistry it must all magically work out It's no wonder people are choosing mediocre relationship Mediocre relationships only to feel unfulfilled and then step out on those relationships And while in a few moments I'm going to talk about some of the signs that gives you an indication that someone or a man could be cheating I think what's more important to really understand Is that If you don't understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and how to choose a partner You are going to be living the definition of insanity and the definition of sanity is doing the same things Over and over again expecting different results So if you want to understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship Purchase this book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman. This will give you insight Along with their their companion book seven principles to making marriage work And I know many of you may not be considering marriage, but these two books These two books Should be read by you if you want to understand the deeper The deeper mechanics to a relationship In addition, if you want to determine the right person for you Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you My area of expertise is to teach you how to ask the right questions In the early stages based on your personality on your personality to determine Is this person you might be dating or in a relationship a mediocre one? Or is this one that has some potential Because look at most everybody are in mediocre relationship Most people are in casual relationship companionship relationships situations friends with benefits and it's no wonder there's a lot of physical and emotional infidelity happening because people aren't choosing actual People that they're falling in love with I went to a wedding this past weekend for a young couple I happened to be the officiant and I'll talk about that a little bit Why I'm bringing this up is you know, these are two people genuinely in love with each other They're building a life together and that happened within the early stages of their dating process and sadly women you guys You operate from the place of I'm just gonna sit in my feminine energy And let the man claim me Well, I'm here to say if the number one search term for women is why are men commitment phobic? Why do men ghosts? Why do men disappear? Why would you want to give the job of your relationship destiny to a guy? You are in charge of your relationship destiny.  I recommend jonathan recommend books Why i'm recommending my book and why do I continually recommend my book along with ladies I'm loving this book Why men love bitches Bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. I'm loving this book because it's an empowerment book You do not have to sit in your feminine energy to be empowered I want you to lean into your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem your self-confidence lean into that And being your empowered state because if you make better choices by vetting men right from the get-go And using my dating vow, which is in the description below You might avoid those guys who are going to Either think about cheating on you or cheat on you. So i'm going to talk about The red flag signs That he is cheating or about to is about to cheat or is cheating And we're going to run through this really quickly. By the way, is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know hit that like button. Please subscribe to my channel and please share this video all right number one Physical fitness has become more of a priority in their life when a person is cheating they want to look good For the person that they're cheating with so physical fitness starts to become more of a priority than it was before Well, that's not always a sign because quite frankly healthy living is important To maintain longevity one life if someone is Just all of a sudden starting to change their workout routine. That might be an indicator that they could be cheating Or considering it number two He or she values privacy above all else people who hyper focus on privacy Are actually avoiding Being intimate with a person and when they avoid intimacy with a person on an emotional level because they want to be private They leave space to allow someone else to fill that space So if someone acts ultra private with you That could be a sign that they could be about to cheat or might be cheating on you number three They begin to take business trips or meetings or business trips and or meetings become more and more frequent in their life In other words, look at we're out of the pandemic now So now people can travel but if they happen to have more business meetings than usual or have more trips scheduled Than usual than that could be a sign that they're about to cheat or are cheating on you Okay, business trips or meetings become more and more frequent Number four Here's an interesting one. I came up with this. They accuse you of cheating To deflect that they're cheating They actually find some reason something going on in your life and accuse you of cheating So it's looked like it's on you and it's really deflecting their own infidelity Okay Number five he or she suddenly needs emotional or physical space He or she Now this isn't always a sign of cheating but when someone starts to To request more and more emotional and physical space Something's coming up. They're either ready to break up with you or they could be stepping out on you I'm not saying it's an absolute but that certainly could be the place Okay Number six their cell phone becomes strictly off limits all of a sudden their cell phone is off limit You can't look at it can't touch you can't smell it can't even be near it other because they're so secretive in this moment Okay, their cell phone becomes strictly off limits And lastly at least for this exercise of a red flag signs.    There's the Disfunctionality within the individual that has issues or the dysfunctionality the person who chooses persons with issues Now we all have issues. It's just a matter of degrees I highly recommend reading the Hoffman process the Hoffman process To do a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas That caused people to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life that caused them to be mediocre in relationships And if you're not familiar with my I show my charts frequently I'm not even going to show them today, but the reality is is most humans are experiencing mediocre relationships because they're mediocre themselves I'm sorry.   They don't and men are just as bad at this men Listen, I'm throwing you under the bus, but let me just say this men Are equally bad at this You have a choice you can either operate as a grown-up and start asking more grown-up questions Or you can do what's known as What's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and over and over again expecting different results and just going around in circles Because that's what many of you are doing Now thankfully my clients. I'm grateful. I get my clients are calling me every day Jonathan, I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy and they know the difference And why I'm bragging about this for a moment is because I'm re-educating you this channel is a re-education And I only yell and scream is to wake you up to this re-education.   I think you get the point Cheating is a reflection of an existing mediocre relationship. Again, there's the exceptions But for the most part stop choosing mediocre and start co-creating a healthy happy relationship with another human being Are you with me on this if you are give me a thumbs up say yes. I'm with you, jonathan All right, I think this will be a great place to to Begin our q&a portion of our live stream For those that are on this live There's a chat box in the corner If you have a question for me post the word question and write the question there after or purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign in the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of My son Connor as like that's him right there. It's my son who passed away a few years ago Actually, it's his birthday coming up soon and in his honor I donate the monies to charities like the hoffman process insight institutes You can also purchase the super Thanks if you're watching The replay of this and if you're listening to the audio portion of this you won't be able to see any of this all right Well, I before I answer questions I'm going to tell you all about the wedding I went to Because I know many of you've been asking about it. So for those who follow me It was uh the weekend of may 14th. I was Invited to an officiate a wedding of a dear friend of mine Uh, which is I've never officiated it. So I went online to become a minister now I'm an officially a minister and I had to research and write the the Um 25 minute script for the ceremony which excluded the vows which was about 10 minutes Collectively and then some of the pomp and circumstance. So it was roughly about a 35 40 minute ceremony Totally or in totality And I was very honored to be able to do this. I was nervous as heck I was very afraid to get covet. I mean, I was like so worried I just wanted to get the job over with and after that it'd be done So, uh, it went off great I got so many people that came up to me later and said Jonathan you made me cry I had all the older women there crying I had all the younger folks there because these the group of uh, the couple that was getting married was 30 and 37 And all their friends said what a great job I did. So I was very proud of myself and I'm very Um, yeah, I'm very blessed. I get I because of my life I get to try all kinds of unique experiences and one of them has been now to a wedding So some of you might So I have something else to share with you And that is I met someone during the trip now I think I need to give you a little backstory Because this might help some insight into a long distance relationship. So Long distance relationship. So this woman I connected with I live in Los Angeles and she lives in Chicago Now to give you a little backstory She and I met via a dating app a year ago literally a year ago the same day And she was contemplating she lives in Chicago was contemplating about moving to Los Angeles. So, um So she sent me an email But when she told me she lived in Chicago, I wasn't really all that interested in doing a long distance relationship at that time um But she said well, you know, maybe, you know, we can revisit this when I move out here because she has uh two of her children Who live in uh, Los Angeles? So we kept in touch and we became facebook friends and that sort of thing And we've had a couple chats in the past year some long chats some short chats We've just been friendly to one another. I see her on the dating app. She sees me on the dating app Sometimes we wave sometimes we say hi So this went on for a year friendly A friendship was being developed But I happen to say hey, I'm coming out to Los Angeles. Let's meet finally and she goes great So, uh, I got in on a thursday night. We went out for drinks And dinner on at the river or along the the river area in uh, Chicago downtown Really trendy restaurant very trendy hip cool. I walk in she looks stunningly gorgeous She looked at me and just gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek And we proceeded to have this fantastic Evening together and we really hit it off now. We weren't thinking of it from a romantic perspective But there was chemistry and romance certainly evolving And then I later asked her the next day I said would you be interested in joining me at the wedding because I didn't make that plan ahead of time And it turns out she was interested so she joined me at the wedding and we really hit it off We had a great time together Now in all honesty the logistics are complicated And so we've had multiple conversations during our time together if we were going to explore this together And I think what's most important why I'm sharing this with everyone is Is we're having real grown-up conversations We're talking about our individual lives and whether or not this even makes sense to explore it because She's got grandchildren where she lives. She's got other obligations there. She has children where I live She's got you know Well, she does have a she's retired. So she's not fixed in one one particular place But there could be some other navigational things that make it maybe not worthwhile to invest in this relationship We're having grown-up conversations about it thinking about it from a practical perspective And not that chemistry based perspective where we want to rip each other's clothes off We're actually being grown-ups about it And this is the reason why when I shared earlier Most people choose mediocre relationships because they're not having grown-up Conversations right from the get-go and then they embark on these long-distance relationships that burn out and fizzle out Because they're not really talking about the mechanics Of how to make it work How because it's great to get together and be in a bubble and have fun and have lots of sex You know, that's one of the best parts of a long-distance relationship But how would you take it from distance to close together? And what would it look like if it's close together? Especially when someone has a life somewhere else and these are the conversations She and I are having and i'm very grateful for that Now i'm sure some of you might be interested in what she looks like so i'll show you a picture real quick Bear with me a second Um, here's i'm just going to show it quickly, but there's a picture of her Take out the shadows and i'll show you another one This is when we went out to dinner the first night I'll show you that I think we look cute together. Isn't that a gorgeous location? We had lots of fun I like her. I like her. I really do like her. I think she's a cool chick I think it'd be fun to explore it now again. I'm totally against long-distance relationships Unless two people have a lifestyle that can actually make it work You actually have to have a lifestyle to make it work Now a lot of guys will pursue a long-distance relationship because it's easy sex It's almost guaranteed sex when two people get together long-distance wise and some men Will do this for a period of time for that easy sex even by the way someone asked how old she is She's my age And since we don't tell a woman's age. I'm not telling you my age, but she's we're we're literally uh very close in age less than one year apart and um And It's important to have lifestyles that can actually in the early stages really Flexible you have to have an incredibly flexible lifestyle To even make a long-distance relationship work and you have to see each other regularly And when I say regularly on average of at least once a month Or at most once every six weeks to even have a chance to make it work now Thankfully, I have a flexible lifestyle. She's retired. She has a flexible lifestyle. She likes to travel I like to travel One of her passions is she takes five or six big trips a year. So who knows We talked on the phone already a couple times there's been a couple hiccups in those conversations because we're being real with one another And sometimes being real with one another can trigger one another But thankfully I'm an emotional grown-up. I think she's an emotional grown-up. She's done a lot of inner work She did life spring back in the day. She's done therapy. I've done my own work and I've done therapy. So I'm again, I'm usually against long-distance relationships unless Unless you actually have a plan To take it from distance too close together and we're talking about it We're going to see if it can happen. Now this could blow up in my fate. By the way, she is coming out in three weeks from now So we'll see what happens. She's visiting her daughter and we're going to connect during that time I I'm all I'm sharing this prematurely with you not because I'm sharing this prematurely with you only to illustrate one thing is just being transparent with my audience But also to illustrate that look I take chances. I take risks This is a risk. This is a chance. She's taking a chance.  Um, I see a lot of comments about her. Thank you so much Someone asked did you split the bill as always? I paid when I say I always offer to pay It's just the way I was raised But you know what she did she treated the next time we got together and then we got to we we actually went out to Two restaurants. I paid the first time she paid the next time and then um And then I took her to the wedding so uh to answer those questions What other questions are being asked? Did she watch my videos? No, she doesn't watch my videos She she's very aware of my videos, but she says she doesn't want to be skewed Nor does she want to read the women's comments about me.  I don't know where this is going to go We'll see uh, what else uh, she's a beautiful you guys look really good together. Thank you so much Yes, I do think we're a good-looking couple. I'm going to show that picture one more time for everyone Um, I do think she's stunning. So I'll put that up one more time I think we look good together Uh, she's got four children and three grandchildren So So anyway, she's a real sweetheart and I look forward to seeing her in a few weeks All right time for q&a. You can purchase a super sticker super chat You can purchase the super. Thanks if you're watching the replay. All right, let's see what questions we have Patricia says If you catch a guy lying to you about where he said he was doing and it doesn't match up if you if you catch a guy lying to you about where He said he was in doing and it doesn't match up.  Okay Ah Oh, we have a super sticker. Oh from sal. Let's see what she writes. Okay Question what are your opinions of someone who is more impulsive ingrained character trait? And more quickly to act upon any kind of validation attention that comes outside of a relationship That could lead to cheating You know, I'm a little bit needy when it comes to validation and attention. I think it's called being a leo So could it lead to cheating? Certainly it could lead to cheating But in a healthy relationship, you should both give each other the four a's attention affection appreciation and acceptance attention affection appreciation acceptance when that is consistently part of the narrative There's less need and regular Attention affection. I mean it should be your relationship should be consistent in that area And when you're receiving that you're less likely to need validation from someone else And and or end up cheating from that particular case. So sal. Thank you so much for the 1999 super sticker I really appreciate that's a great question. So that's my answer to you and I hope that helps All right Question question question question question cocoa writes question What would you say about someone getting a tattoo of their partner? You know what? I'd like to have a woman have a tramp stamp right above her butt that says property of jonathan.  That's what he's looking at Um, you know what I've thought about getting a salty Um Tattoo with connor's nick name on it. So you know what I have no, you know what to each his own on that one All right, jennifer says i'm excited for you. She's lovely. Thank you so much Uh, someone asked her name. I'm gonna keep her name private for right now kimberley writes. Oh, I saw a question from kimberley As a chicago resident what stands out about your visit here in addition to your lovely date on the river You know, I didn't really get a chance to enjoy The city that much because but i've been to chicago before i've been to rigley field I've been to all the particular areas in town, but chicago What stood out is there's a lot of traffic way too much overbuilding that kind of has blocked a lot of the beauty I think chicago used to have Um, but what stood out, um, it's just it seems like a fun place to be You know, we'll see i'm gonna if I visit her i'll let you know some more on that kimberley. So thank you for asking Um, let's see Let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming Um All right, here we go corny cob says question personal question jonathan By the way, i'm totally fine with personal questions as you as we All know you're very handsome, especially for a man at your age Have you ever thought about growing a beard though? I think you would pull it off really well I do occasionally grow a van dyke van dyke on occasion when I don't feel like shaving for a while I don't like a beard. It is such a pain. It feels too itchy to me. So that's why I would never grow it I'm just not I haven't shaven today for two days and sometimes I let that grow up But I just don't like how itchy it feels to me. So that's why I don't but thank you for that personal question. I appreciate it all right Um, let's see rita ask a question What does it really mean when a man says you're attractive calls you every day and this says he wants to be friends It means he doesn't want the pressure of a relationship He would like to have companionship connection and sex with you But he doesn't want the emotional pressure of a relationship. That's why he puts you in the friend zone I'm sure he'd like or or either you're in the friend zone Or you're in the I'm gonna try to get you to become a friend with benefit zone Because he doesn't want the pressure of the emotional pressure of a day-to-day relationship Or you could just simply ask him. What does that mean? Why don't you cut and paste that and say hey, I asked this on a dating site I'd like to know what you think of this ladies. Don't be bashful Ask men the question rita ask him a question. Let me know what he says, okay All right patricia says what do you do if he tells you where he said he was going And it doesn't match up during a conversation. Sorry jonathan. What do you do? See now, this is where patricia. I ask you What do you think you should do you should always start with what do I think I want to do? You could ask him about it, but if he's if he's are if someone's being unfaithful They're going to lie to you anyway So the question is Here hold on one second Everybody hold on one second because I want to pull up a book. I want to pull up a book. Where is it? The book is called chatting or cheating by dr. Sherry Myers She's my my ex-girlfriend and a dear friend of mine now.  Where is it? Um become aware a fair aware How to confront there's a chapter called how to confront confrontation chapter five confrontation Okay, and in this chapter when confronting your partner what literally she outlines all the different things to say To try to elicit the truth from the person So check out by the way the link below to her book is listed there Check out the book by dr. Sherry Myers chatting or cheating and she'll help you Come up with how to ask the question to determine if there's um some infidelity going on All right. Hope that helps All right corny cob says Hi jonathan my boyfriend.  Is that too physical?   Is that too much or too little? I don't know you have to answer that for yourself um Jackie Myers says chicago would love to have you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that uh Julia says can women afford to be too picky? It's a generalized question, but I will tell you that pickiness Here's the thing I think it's important to have standards Pickiness is what gets you in trouble for example a five foot two woman who says I refuse to date a man under six foot tall That's being too picky given that only 15 percent of men are over six feet tall and she's five foot two So you got to decide where are you going to draw your line on shit? Do I think women and men can be ridiculously?  I am thinking about doing them later Um, we'll see it just it seemed like some people prefer a little later times that way we catch Some so anyways, we'll see I don't know yet Uh question is there hope for women over 65 to find a relationship? Most men over 68 are looking for a caretaker or financial advantage I've helped many women over 65 fall in love and get married. I have I've been to several weddings from clients So is it absolutely possible? Yes. Is it the exception to the rule? Yes Let's face it as we age it becomes incredibly harder. And by the way those older guys Unless they got dough They're not going to get younger women because you women reject older men and men reject older men reject Women their own age. So it's just increasingly harder as you wait.  It requires staying in healthy shape It's keeping your appearance up. It requires if you want to attract a good good-looking partner in your life It requires maintaining your own health and looks along the way. That's just the reality of it. I'm sorry That's just the reality of it Now there's always the exception and to the rules but for the most part Be happy within yourself And maybe you'll attract someone who's also happy within themselves and want to partner with you But it requires putting yourself out there because the reality is is we're Listen, I live in a condo complex with 600 people. I don't know. I practically know a few people who live in my complex. That's it So and that's just literally within feats of feet of me feats of me yards of me Anyway, I'm just babbling now. So I'm going to move on. All right Last question of the I think this will be the last question. Uh, well, I'll take one or two more Do you think there are more single women than single men? They say more single women in the world I think the percentage is for every 101 single men there's 98 single women. That's what I've been told so I think it's relatively close I mean, you know, it's just young older men might Date in the younger pool and older women don't date in the older pool So it might make it skewed that way But I think as they're if identical ages are concerned. There's an equal amount of single and men and women Question What do you do? What do I find where do I find out info on talking with you one to one? There's a link below to a free discovery call right below the description of this video as soon as this video wraps up You'll be able to see it. It's called a free discovery call Uh, what's the most important thing? Douglas is what's the most important thing in a relationship? trust trust in communication trust communication and commitment trust communication and boning each other trust communication commitment boning each other and Mutual appreciation trust commitment.  Thank you, Douglas All right, I think we covered a lot today. I'm going to do a shorter lot. You're very welcome. Douglas. Thank you We're going to wrap up today's video. I was really honored to share with you This person I met we'll see where it goes. I have no Expectations on this. She has no expectations on it. We'll see if it actually has some potential and if it doesn't that's okay, too This journey, you know, it's when it's when you meet someone you connect with then it's worth exploring But it's also worth exploring as a grown-up Not with the impetuous little child to operate as a grown-up and thankfully i'm mature enough to have Grown-up conversations with her which she genuinely appreciates because she's dated a lot of men who don't know how to have grown-up conversations And she even said i'm a little bit intense. I'm intense because i'm very intentional But I think there's a value in being intentional which can feel intense is because you know what? I'm i'm too. You know what?  Please come comment below Please share with your friends. Please like this video Please subscribe to my channel if you haven't check out the links to a discovery call my group called midlife love mastery My instagram and all the books i recommend and we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic joth americ of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love If that's okay, I'm asking to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives right now I want to thank potter and heather and trudy and patricia and kelly and jennifer and douglas and hazel and uh warrior banner dance ministry and tiffany and uh rosy and christine and coco and sweet cherry smiles um Everyone thank you so much.  Bye now