Today, we're going to talk about a dangerous red flag that's too risky to ignore. And I just want to be candid with everyone. I saw this title on one of my contemporaries, Matthew Hussey's page, and I was actually on his page because he just got married this weekend, or this past weekend. So at least I believe he was. There were some pictures on Louis Howe's page. And I thought, oh, let me just check out his site. And I briefly watched this video, and I wanted to give you my take on this particularly dangerous red flag. Now, it's not the one that he shares. The one he shares is critically important to be aware of. Now, when we talk about red flags, we're talking about, see, to me, there's a red flag means ask deeper questions, and then there's a deal breaker. So there's deal breaker, red flags, yellow flags, and then green flags. That's the way I interpret them. And in his particular video, he talks about a significant red flag that should not be ignored. And that is the red flag when someone says they're not looking for a serious relationship. Now, I wanted to, and by the way, I have my take on a more significant red flag for those of us that are in our 40s, 50s, 60s, and even 70s. So I want you to stay tuned for this critically important dangerous red flag. The red flag of, I don't know if I want a serious relationship. Well, I was thinking about my son, and there's a picture of my oldest son right there. That's a picture of Colin with his brother, Connor. That's my son who passed away. That's a picture of Connor as well.  Does he want a serious relationship in his life? I don't think so. I don't think he's ready to consider marriage. I know he'd like to maybe have someone special in his life, but he's not in that space where he's ready to get married, buy a house, start a family with someone. So when someone that age, when someone is younger that says, you know, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, it's kind of understandable. And I think what happens for the younger generation is that they might be confused for a variety of different reasons, particularly those millennials and Gen Xers that are a byproduct of so many divorced parents. They might be a bit gun-shy to jump into a significant relationship. So I think it's rather understandable why that might happen. And I think for them, what happens is when they meet the right person, they become more attached to the idea of something serious. So for a younger person that says, I don't want a serious relationship, that's kind of understandable. Now, what about those men in their 40s, 50s and even 60s or 70s? What about those men that say I don't want a serious relationship? Well, it's kind of understandable why a lot of men in their 40s, 50s, 60s and even 70s say this because they are most likely divorced people. See, divorce causes someone to become gun-shy to a significant relationship, particularly if it wasn't, especially if there was a financial component that was very where the person is dissatisfied with the results. Because when you think about marriage, when you think about it, it's not, it's a relationship with the government. You know, it's not like going into a partnership at a law firm or an accounting firm where you have a contract with one another. You know, this is a contract with the government. And then it basically says the government decides how you're going to split your assets. So a lot of men and women are gun-shy to a serious relationship in midlife. That's not uncommon that someone might be gun-shy. Now, a significant percentage of people in midlife also might be widow. I mean, might be widower, widowers, you know, in this particular case, that could create a certain level of gun-shy because you might feel deeply hurt. Most people in midlife have had a significant relationship. They might have been hurt. So it's very common for people to feel gun-shy about a significant relationship. And it is a red flag. That's a red flag. Now, again, I'm going to go into a more important red flag for those of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s. That has to be addressed because I think this is even more dangerous than the person who's gun-shy. The reality is I'm going to raise my hand. After my divorce, the last thing I wanted to do was get remarried. And that lasted for seven to 10 years. You know, I got divorced at 40. And I didn't even want to be in a serious relationship. I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex, but I didn't want the emotional responsibility. Nor was I even capable of the financial responsibility of a significant relationship. Think about the word significant relationship. I mean, what's the point of going serious if you're not going to go all in at some point? I mean, if you think about it, it's either casual. I mean, a lot of people are in what's known as situationships, but it's either casual or it's moving towards something fully committed, either moving in together or getting married. At least that's something more serious. But I know for a long period of time, I didn't want to have a, to get remarried. And a lot of men and women feel the same way. I've since changed my tune. So I will say this, it's a big green flag. If a man says, I want to get remarried or I want to get married, that's a gigantic green flag. Be on the lookout for those green flags because men who are very serious about commitment, they don't waste time with the wrong person. They evaluate quickly. And if she's not the one, he knows it within 90, maybe 120 days. He's not going to spend much more time if he's serious about commitment. That addresses a big red flag. Those who say, I'm not ready for a serious relationship. But I want to address a bigger red flag, a more dangerous red flag. And there's two folds to this red flag. First, if someone has a contentious relationship with an ex, a contentious relationship with an ex, but furthermore, a person who takes no ownership of the ending of their relationship, they take literally no ownership of why the relationship ended, that is a gigantic red flag. Now, the first part, and these are two kind of big, these are two red flags. They're like different side of the coin because oftentimes a person who doesn't take ownership for the ending of the relationship most likely has a contentious relationship with an ex. It's usually the case. The person that has the extremely contentious relationship with an ex, you are getting that baggage in this relationship.  You are going to be a party of that. And a person most men and women don't really do very well navigating the contentiousness of the relationship. And it's going to bleed into any new relationship. It's going to bleed into it. I mean, it's kind of sad to say this. But by just the cow, you get the farm, you get all the old, you get the cow, you get the barn, you get the tractors. And if it's all a mess, you're getting all of that as part of the package. But what's more important is the person who takes no ownership for the ending of their relationship. See, oftentimes this is what happens. I'm pointing the finger at you. You're pointing the finger at me. You know, it's kind of like this. And I've come to realize, first off, I'm going to take ownership for the ending of my marriage. I was a very unconscious husband. I take full ownership of my part. I wasn't the best husband. I wasn't. And to the extent, I don't know if she takes ownership for her part, but there were parts of the relationship that she was no picnic to be with. See, a lot of times when people don't take ownership of their part, it's actually a sign that they're not a really introspective person. Or more importantly, it could be a sign they lack emotional maturity. I'm going to say it. You're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, OK? Please forgive the glare. You know, this is not a fact. It's merely a opinion. But I believe 20% of the, but this is emotional maturity with respect to relationship skills. I believe 20% of the population has clinical issues. I mean, real, real messed up stuff. And sadly, you know, if they haven't done any healing for it, it could be a real mess being in relationship with them. And why I say 20% of the population is emotionally healthy. I'm being generous when I say 20%. Most everybody is dysfunctional. And depending on the degree of their dysfunctionality will give you a clue on their capacity to be in a healthy, happy relationship. And so, you know, I think it's really important to do your due diligence when you are dating. OK, I jokingly said you need to interrogate people on a date.  And yet, what is dating? Dating is a vetting process. By the way, if you need support on that, check out the link right there to schedule a discovery call with me. See if working with a coach is right for you. There's links below to get to the links in the description to find out how you can connect with me and a lot of different things. But vetting, dating is a vetting process. But Jonathan, it's all about having a good time. And I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the guy claim me. Folks, we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. If you don't know this by now, if this is your first clue of this, then go back and watch another 100 of my videos. We are swimming in a vast sea of emotionally dysfunctional people. And so this is really, dating is a vetting process. It's a screening process because we can't assume everybody is emotionally mature. And chemistry is a very deceptive thing. I've been bitten by the chemistry bug more time than I can count. I mean, I'm saying that a little tongue in chief, but you can have chemistry with someone, but that doesn't mean that they're capable of being in a relationship and a person who doesn't take ownership on their failing within the relationship. And I'm gonna say the word failing. We all have to take ownership of our part. I'm gonna take greater ownership for the end of my marriage, but we were young.    I didn't know any better. This stuff isn't taught to us growing up. So my point is either A, they are going through a contentious relationship with their ex. You are buying that cow, whether you like it or not. And that's a red flag. Because unless you have some real significant stamina, just be careful of that one. But more importantly, be careful of the person, whether it's a man or a woman who doesn't take ownership of their part of the ending of the relationship. And I've dated women. It's always the ex-husband. He's always a narcissist. He's a sociopath. He's an alcoholic. He's always all about them. I invite you, do you take ownership of your part of the ending of any relationship? Because if you don't, that's a red flag, at least in my book. I know that's gonna turn off a lot of you because you feel like it was 100% the other person's fault. It's never 100%. Even if it's, you know, you've gotta take ownership. Even if it's 2% of your part, you have to take ownership because that demonstrates emotional maturity. And when you're emotionally mature, that's a green flag for stepping into a potentially healthy happy relationship with someone.  There's nothing easy about this. I know we all have this fantasy. It should be really easy, but I'm here to say, it's dating, you know, I said this in a recent video, dating sucks, it really does. We are, because of the sea of dysfunctionality we swim in. And also because we have a, listen, you know, I think sadly, these devices, I mean, are these apps, you know, folks, I'm a dating relationship coach. I should be the biggest advocate for online dating. I'm not anymore, I'm not saying that there isn't, by the way, let me be clear. 50, 60, 70, 80% of all new relationships will happen online. So obviously it does work, okay? But I think online dating can create a lot of inner turmoil, you know, these apps like, you know, let's take a look at this one. I haven't registered for it yet, but that's bumble. You know, I think swipe apps have marginalized the getting to know you process because it's like cold calling. It's like just picking up a telephone and dialing for dollars, dialing for, you know, there's an old sales adage, dialing for dollars. That's what it feels like. You know, I'm gonna share with everybody a meme I posted today on Instagram. I'm gonna read the meme and then I wanna tell you the quote I had to go with it. It says, here, I'll just show up to you for everyone. I've stopped looking for love. It knows where to get me if I'm needed, okay? But my quote was this, and I wanna share this with you all, because I hope you find some value in this. When my marriage ended, I was on the dating apps the very next day. When my significant six year relationship ended, I was on the dating apps two days later. Why did this happen? Because I was searching for something lost. I was searching for something lost. That something lost was me. This time, I'm going to do things differently. Instead of looking, it's time to manifest and be what I want to attract, be what I want to attract. And now that I have found me, I don't need to look anymore. I don't need to desperately look anymore. Folks, I've come to realize the reason why my relationship, I'm gonna take ownership on this part. My relationship, the benefit that occurred during my relationship with Marie is I was still searching for this. What is my book called?  A journey of personal development, self-help spiritual work. By the way, there's a link to get a copy of my books, I recommend. I realized that when I met her, I was still in a slightly desperate place to want to be in relationship. And how do I know that I'm not desperate anymore? Because the relationship's been over for well over three months. I haven't felt a desperate need to go on the dating apps. I haven't put together a match.com profile. I'm not putting any effort into trying to meet someone. I now believe in the power of manifesting, putting yourself in places where you can connect with like-minded people so you can attract somebody who's more aligned to who you are and what you want. Now that's not to say I'm not gonna do online dating. I'm still, it's still a spoke in the wheel. But there's a big difference. The energy is I feel so much more whole within myself that I don't need someone to fill that. And my hope is I can manifest someone rather quickly, but you know what? That's the, you know, the journey of life isn't about whether or not you go the distance with someone, the journey of life is the experiences. And let me just say this, while a lot of dating apps can be very predatory and there's a lot of catfishers and scammers, I know so many couples who have met through dating sites. So I'm still a strong advocate for it if it's done in a healthy way. Most people, but the swipe apps, the bumbles, the Tinder, it's just marginalizing people. And I'm more aligned with at least the dating sites that has more robustness. And again, when you are using these mediums, what is dating? Dating is a vetting process. Most importantly, you want to make sure these three things when vetting. This is my relationship iceberg. Okay, chemistry is the first thing we see. That's attraction, but you have to vet for compatibility and that's shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And sometimes people can go in with the best intentions like Marie and I did. And I feel like we were close, but we were still a little misaligned.  And at the end of the day, you have to be on the same page. You have to be on the same page. And it might look like you're on the same page in the beginning, but that's what dating is about, is to you have to be in enough experiences to determine if you're on the same page with one another. But guess what? You're not gonna be in a good relationship if you don't ferret out their emotional maturity, their past experiences, do they want a relationship? These are all factors to strongly consider when you're making the effort to attract in a soulmate. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. If you find value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. All right, it's time for Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question then post the question there after. Or you can purchase a super stick or super chat. All the monies, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you're watching the replay, you can hit the super thanks. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's my son who passed away five years ago and his honor we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute. And by the way, I just got a letter from Ouijaan. If you're watching right now, she went to the Hoffman process. By the way, if you're not familiar with it, here's the book version of it, she went to the retreat, okay? The Hoffman process, she wrote me this sweet letter. I want to share this with everyone. Dear Jonathan, during our last evening in class session, I expressed myself, your transformation brought me to this process. I feel so much love and gratitude from here because of your demonstration. Thank you, Jonathan, big bear hugs, love you Ouijaan. By the way, folks, if you haven't checked out the Hoffman process, I highly recommend it. And well, listen, anyone that does attend, I will donate $100 to your attending the Hoffman process. All right, it's time for questions. Let's see what we've got in the house, okay? Oh, I want to give Margaret a props for thanking for the $8 Super Sticker. Our goal tonight is $50, $50. And we are $8 away, so we need $42 more to get there, okay? All right, I saw we had a question here earlier. Bump, bump, bump. Maya, it's enough to say I own my part in my past failed relationship. I believe that ownership includes sharing specifics of my and your negative behavior patterns that contributed thoughts. Well, we're going to certainly, to some degree, we're going to point out the deficiencies that came from our partner, okay? Taking ownership of how you might have compromised yourself, how you maybe didn't, keep in mind, your ex-partner has a version of what they thought was failed in the relationship. Maybe it would be interesting to hear their perspective to find out, to add that to your narrative. But remember, there's two sides to a story. If you're pointing the finger at another person and taking no ownership, then that's a lack of emotional maturity. If you're pointing, and by the way, I don't think it's important to deliberate the specifics. I think it's better to talk in generalities because if you're still talking about specifics, you might, the other piece of, oh, I didn't say this in the video. If you're harping about your past, your past, the other person being at fault, that means you're stuck in the past as well, most likely, and whereas you take ownership of your part, you share, you don't get into the minute details.  Thank you for that question. That was really good. All right, let's keep going. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Let's keep going. I say, okay, here's a question. Oh, same person. I'm divorced, lady, 63, two adult sons. I wanna prioritize my man in a committed relationship and have him reciprocate. How can we do this when our adult kids' interests may need priority at times? Okay, great question. So I have a business. I have a son. I have siblings. I have friends. I have my health. I have my spirituality. All of these things are important to me. And any one given time, they might have significant importance. And I make them a priority. Now, if I was in a romantic relationship with someone, I would include that in the list. They're all important. See, balance in life is having what matters most to you within your circle. And you make priority when needs a priority. So if my son called me and said, hey, dad, my car broke down. Can you help me out? On a date, I might cancel the date or I might say, hey, go find a tow truck in your area. Okay, let's say I got that call. I would share that with my date and she might say, hey, you know what? Take care of your son. In that moment, I make him a priority. In that moment, I don't believe putting something up on such a pedestal that they're constantly a priority.  I think the problem today is casual dating means it's just like, ah, you know what? It's like going to the gym. No, it's more like, no, that's not it. It's like shoe shopping. Yeah, I'm gonna go to the store and I'll try on some shoes. And yeah, I'll go to another store and try on some shoes. And then I'll go to Nordstroms and I'll try on some shoes. And you know what? The beauty of Nordstroms is I can go take these shoes and I can go walk around and scuff them up and everything. And I can bring it back to Nordstroms and return it. Well, that's exactly what dating is like today. It's like, it's a lease with a potential to buy and not even people are buying that. They're just returning them. And so I'm a believer that everything in your life, important things will have at times take precedent over other important things. But if you're constantly making one important thing, a priority of everything else, that means then there's no balance in life. That's my opinion anyway. By the way, if you wanna jump on the hot seat, I just put a link. If you want to get on the hot seat, I put a link there. If you wanna ask me a question directly. And you're welcome to ask me any personal questions as well. Hey, Elizabeth's in the house. I met someone and they said they want a serious relationship. I sort of like them. I'm not feeling it a hundred percent, been out four times. What do I say? You know, I've observed women, sometimes I've observed women and men that it takes time to warm up to somebody. You know, when we're meeting cold people, it takes a longer time to warm up. That's why sometimes some of the best relationships happen with people in a work environment because they spent all this time getting to know them. Is four times out enough to know someone to see who their character is? Maybe, maybe not. But you sort of like them.  What is it that you sort of like? What makes you wanna say yes to them? Are you doing it from a place of sincere curiosity? Or is it just killing time? If you're just killing time, it's not fair to him. Anyways, I hope I gave you some insight on that one. That's just my two cents from that. I need more details. Ron says, how do you break up a long distance relationship since it isn't a real long-term relationship anyway? By text, by email. I mean, or by phone. I mean, that's how you would do it, by text, by email, or phone.  I'm not happy doing a long distance relationship. And I'd much rather find someone who lives close by. I mean, that's the how you do it over the phone. You can do it over email too. You can do it over text. You know, I mean, the reality is is you're not gonna see this person ever again. And by doing it via text, it takes away some of the potential contentiousness. I mean, I'm not saying it's the most gentlemanly way to do it or lady-like way to do it, but let's face it. It's part of our lexicon anyway. So, and now we just, you can just use the standard excuse. I'm just not happy doing long distance. It's just the reality of long distance is a risky undertaking long distance date. By the way, it's not long distance relationship. It's a long distance dating dynamic. And unless you have a plan, like at least, you know, we were, we, when we met, we were like, okay, if this is gonna work, then we'd have to be in the same city. And at that point, and we just like, what the hell, we'll just live together and take our chances and a year later, it didn't work out. That's okay. I'm not, I don't lose any sleep for it. And I don't think she has because it was a good relationship that didn't work out. That's okay. That's okay that a relationship doesn't work out folks. It's okay. Anyways, Ron, I hope that answers your question. Let's keep going here. One of my Facebook members says is enough to say I failed to draw boundaries in a relationship. Yeah, you could say I was very weak at drawing boundaries in my relationship. I have a propensity to be a people pleaser that sometimes is a red flag too. But I also didn't give my partner their needs.  You know what, taking ownership is also saying, you know what, I wasn't there to fulfill their needs either. There was a misalignment between the two of us. Angela wants to say another red flag is someone who disagreed, disregards what you say that you want in a relationship. I want an extroverted older retired gentleman who didn't have young children. He skipped everything. I don't know what he skipped, but thanks for sharing. Hey, I wanna give M. Solomon some props for the $9 Super Sticker. So guess what? We have $18 now. We have $32 a way to get to our $50 goal. I'd love to donate some money to anyone that wants to go to the Hoffman process. All right, let's keep going here. Oh, gotcha, Ron. Okay, Jubilee says I've been outside of a 10 year relationship by eight months. I watch you a lot regarding your books at 70. It's very limited dating. I enjoy my own company. Yeah, you know what, folks? I'm just gonna be blunt.  Let's use true love. Does anyone remember the movie, Princess Bride? Too true love, too blaze. I'm gonna tell you, very few people are gonna actually find their true love. There'll be people that find relationships and there'll be some mediocre relationships out there, but when I say very few, I'm gonna say it's less than 50% will find their true love and it's probably less than 25%. That's the reality. This is why it's imperative to have a rich, full life on your own. You feel like coming back to, when I realize I now feel like I love myself, whether I meet a partner or not, that's okay. It's okay. Do I want one? Absolutely, but it's okay if I don't have one either and I believe that's what you're saying, Jubilee. Okay, let's keep going. Blessed is in the house and she says, four months ago, four months going out on dates every weekend with 51 year old, no sex, my role. He invites me to, invites and pays for everything. I'm having a hard time getting to know him on an emotional level. Great question. I want you to read this book, Blessed. Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. Folks, most humans, you guys are clueless.   So folks, you got to learn, you got to figure what this out this is if you want to have it with another human being. Well, Jonathan, I just supposed to sit back on my feminine and let the guy do all the work. Folks, I just sometimes like to make fun of a few coaches out there that they think it's all about feminine energy and you'll just magically make things work.  Folks, I want to share something with you. I want to give you 11 things to think about when it comes to human mating. Here's my list. First off, we have instinct. That's our gender-based stuff. That's the hunter, that's the provider, that's the nurture, the hunter, that's our instinctual stuff. Then we have our biology, our hormones, our pheromones. Do we have a penis? Do we have a vagina? Nowadays I can't figure out any gender stuff but whatever it is for you, there's a hormone and pheromone associated with whatever gender you are. Then there's socialization. How you were socialized when you were raised.  Were you socialized to be a girl? And there's traumas associated with socialization and especially today, there's significant traumas associated with that. Then there's our imprinting. This is the stuff where our childhood wounds, our traumas, the amago, if you're not familiar with the work of Harvelle Hendricks Helen Hunt, write this down, amago, I-M-A-G-O. Read this book so you can understand this. This is our imprinting, our love attachment style, the traumas we experienced growing up, whether they were micro traumas or gigantic traumas. Then there's our culture and our religion. That plays a factor in this. Then our social economic status and our education, where we poor, where we undereducated, all of this plays a factor. Plus our physical well-being plays a factor in all this. Are we introspective? Do we look inward? Do we have emotional maturity? Do we have emotional intellect? And most importantly, do we have the capacity to be radically honest, to be vulnerable, to be authentic and to be transparent? These are all factors that go into this thing that we call dating, mating or relating. It's not about sitting in your feminine energy. It's not about men need, men's testosterone is down, so he needs to go into the cave.   Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please give me a thumbs up. By the way, I wanna thank Kim Kong for the $9 Super Sticker. So that means we have $28 in the house. We need $22 more to get to $50. Oh, we just got $5 from Taylor. What does true love or soulmate mean? Signs of those relationships. So I once did, I did a quote, said soulmates come into our lives to teach us lessons and our true love goes to school with us each and every day holding hands. That's what I think is the difference between the two. Because soulmates are people that are here to awaken you to deeper connection to your soul.  That's my version of true love versus soulmate. So I'm ready for my true love. I think I got all my soulmates out of the way. Okay, thank you. Magic entertainers in the house. I meant when I asked, is it normal to want different things from different people? Like one guy just wants to talk, another one just wants sex, another one wants a relationship.  Because I'm not a big fan of that, okay? If that's what you're describing, I am not a fan of that, okay? But can you, I guess it depends on how clean your energy is, you know? I think, you know what? So I now have a walking closet, okay? A walking closet that's empty. I have room for someone in my life.  You have to make room for people in your life. So if your energy is split, I'm just not a big fan of that, magic entertainer. So that's just my perspective on that. Hey, I wanna give props to Connie Mason for the $20 Super Sticker folks. We are $2 away to get to our $50 goal. We're $2 away. Let's shoot for 100 tonight. So we're $50, $2 away, okay? Sweetheart says long distance doesn't necessarily mean it's not real. So if you're not happy with it, that's cool. You know, what is real? What is real? What's a real relationship? I think a real relationship when trust is built. Trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, can I count on this person to be there for me when I need them? Does this person have my best interest at heart? That to me is a real relationship. Anything short of that, it's not a real relationship. In my book, does anyone, okay, subscribe to, okay, let me repeat myself. A real relationship is where trust has been built. And trust is, can I count on this person when I need them? Do they, does this person have my best interest at heart? Because anything short of that to me is a casual relationship. That to me is not real. It's just transactional, okay? So let's differentiate between a collaborative partnership-based relationship versus a transactional relationship. Is anyone resonating with what I'm saying? I'm just kind of curious on that. All right. Thanks, M. Solomon, I appreciate it. Let's keep swimming here. Kim Kong, thank you so much. Hey, Weijin's in the house. Weijin, did you see? I showed your letter from Hoffman. Thank you so much. I showed it earlier. Big hugs to you. Let's keep going. All right, sweet art. Sweet art. Any tips on dating while celibate until marriage and vetting to know a man is serious about celibacy? I don't know if you've any experience with this and can provide some insight. So I'm gonna be candid with you. I probably wouldn't date a woman who, but I dated, well, I guess the question is how long, well, celibacy, I don't have an issue with celibacy. No, let me retract that. I think I'd have an issue with a woman who doesn't wanna be physically intimate. I mean, you know, like if she said, oh, I have to wait six months to a year, I probably wouldn't hold out for that. I'm just being honest with you, folks. Probably wouldn't hold out for that. I certainly would wanna build trust with a person. I'd wanna share my dating vows with a person. If you're not familiar with my dating vows, check out the link below to check out my dating vows. I certainly believe if we've spent 100 hours face to face time, we built trust with one another. But if there's some arbitrary number that she's waiting for, I think that's a turnoff. To me, I can't speak for other men. You know, I just, I believe that physical intimacy is part of the decision-making process to wanna be.  Do you really wanna hold out for a year only to find out it's terrible and it's never gonna get any better? I don't know. You know, that's just how I feel. But as far as celibacy, I mean, I'm not intentionally celibate but I haven't had sex in three months. But that's not intentional. Just happens to be a bright product of I haven't dated anyone. All right, I just shared a lot. Power of cheese says, Jonathan, what do you think about viral videos?  I haven't seen those videos yet so I don't have a comment on it. I was thinking about the Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith announcement that they've been separated for a while and people are making a big deal about it. I'm like, who cares? You know, I think a lot of people stay married for the benefit of their children, the benefit of assets. I don't care what they do. That's their choice. Each one of you is on your own journey. That's my opinion on that. Hey, I want to thank Taylor for the $10 super sticker. Let me just pull this up, folks. So we're only $42 away. Taylor, thank you for the $10. I also want to thank, wait, where was it? I want to thank Connie as well for the $20.  Okay, let's go back to Taylor's question. I feel like my boyfriend and I of five years would have been engaged, but financially, we aren't there yet like we planned. Why should I care if I have no reason to doubt the relationship? Well, grownups have grown up conversations. And I don't know the specifics of what the financial reasons are, but two people that, you know, again, if you're going to merge lives together and you're going to merge finances together, certainly I'm a big proponent of a prenuptial agreement merely to have clarity on what's yours is yours, what's mine is mine, what we're going to do jointly together, how if something happens to someone who goes, what goes to our children, where it goes this and that, I think it's good to have a contract. It's called a prenup, but I think you can do that and move forward and get married. That would be my quick 10-dollar suggestion there, okay? And Solomon is back in the house. I met a good man on match 10 months ago, kind, loving, generous, and he wants to live together. I have fun with him, but my heart is not really there. I want to feel in love. I'm 61. God, if you've been together 10 months and you're not feeling it, you know, someone really close to me was in a relationship for six months. And at the six month, at the three month mark, they came to me and said, I'm just not feeling it with this person. I said, give it a few more months. And it was six months in, I'm just not feeling. I don't know what it is. I'm not feeling that this person. Now, it might mean he's not feeling the unhealthy feelings of the amago and love attachment style. So, you know, it might mean you're not feeling the unhealthy feelings that make you think that it's love. The problem is too many humans are in great relationships and because it's not drama-filled, it's not chaotic, they don't feel like it's love. So I invite you to look at how were you raised as a child? Is it possible the way you view love is chaotic? I think this happens to a lot of women and men as well. I think the reason why we don't feel the butterflies is because the butterflies were anxiety that we were raised with. Anyways, that's just my two cents on that one. Let's keep going here. Hey, does anyone wanna jump on the hot seat? I'd love to have a conversation. Click that link there. I gotta, I guess I gotta watch this Cheesecake Factory date. Taylor says, where do I go really learn about preneps? I thought they were only for rich people, which neither of us, oh no, folks. First off, Google prenuptial agreement. There is tons of information. You could go to a paralegal to have it brought, you know, created for one another. So yeah, I mean, it's not for rich people, it's actually for anybody.  It's a grown-up conversation. It's like two business people entering into business together saying if this doesn't work out, this is how we're going to navigate the ending if this doesn't work out. And it also protects other family members as well. So great question. You can Google prenuptial agreements. There's tons of information on there. Power of Cheese says trauma bond is a red flag. Yeah, well again, red flag is asked deeper questions. When two people are bonding through their mutual trauma, they think that's love. And it's really, oh, anyone wants to get on the hot seat. Here's the link to join the hot seat. Yeah, so just remember, a lot of people are bonding through their current traumas with another person and it's temporarily, it feels good and safe. But believe me, you've gotta do your individual work or you're gonna be destined for a debacle, most likely. Margaret said no paralegal, Jonathan, you need a lawyer. No, to do it properly. I don't know that. I mean, I know a lot of really competent paralegal. I'm just saying if you're simple and there aren't any assets, it's just a legal contract. Again, I could be wrong on this one so I'm not suggesting you're wrong. But I do believe for a lower price you can get a paralegal to do it. But you gotta find that out for yourself. Um, Kathy McFadden says, yep, it's a mess. All right, let's see. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Oh, Taylor wants to say, does it protect my partner from my school and medical debts? I will Google, thank you. Yeah, you definitely, well, that and you'd wanna talk to an attorney, somebody, I'm talking about drafting it could just simply be a paralegal. But if it's more complicated, then definitely you would need an attorney. Hey, I wanna thank Sherry Fleming for the $20 Super Sticker. Gosh, we are probably only $20 away from getting to our $100 goal. So I'd love us to get to $100 tonight and donate some money. Um, if you wanna join the hot seat, I just put the link right here in the chat box. Let's see. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Let's see what we got here. Let's see. Cynthia said something. She goes, in your relationship, you have to be honest and truthful with each other, might make your relationship work. You know, here's the problem with honesty and truth. We humans have a capacity to lie to ourselves. Sometimes we're honest, but we're not honest to ourselves. What comes out of our mouth is disingenuous, not intentionally. We human beings are riddled with flaws, but yes, I think being vulnerable, being authentic, being transparent are critical factors for a relationship's success. McCoy Hill Farm says, I tried really hard not to come unglued on high over the stuff. Just tell you, tell how I feel and deal with the aftermath when it tries to say what is wrong with me. I'm not really sure what you said, but thank you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Budget bug out adventure says, if I'm into a guy, I sing very white. First last, first last everything. You know, okay, songs that I think of when I'm excited about someone. Friday, I'm in love by, oh shoot, now who's that by? Hey, Google, who sings Friday? Who sings Friday, I'm in love? Friday, I'm in love was recorded by the cure. That's what I thought it was the cure. I just went, then I also love level 42, something about you. Hey, Google, level 42, something about you? Those are two songs I sing quite a bit when I'm kind of in a really good mood. One of my favorite songs is by Joe Jackson. You can't get what you want until you know what you want. That's one of my favorite. What's your favorite song you sing when you're happily, you're feeling jazzed in love?  So Into You by Tamara, oh God, folks, I am terrible with names, so please forgive me. McCoy says it's okay, John, then Sherry got it and we sorted it out, I guess. Okay, good to hear. Let's keep going here. Oh, McFadden says, be happy. That's a great song to think of when you've met someone special.  My hope is that my content invites you to think. I hope I'm getting you think outside the box. I hope that I'm inviting your brain power to work in different ways by introducing you to books and recommending things. My goal is to just shift your perspective and maybe like Weijin and so many other great beautiful emails I get from people that I'm making a difference in your life. If I'm making a difference, please let me know. Okay, some of the songs we're hearing, be happy, I'm happy. Song from Dirty Dancing, I Choose You by Sara Bareilles. Google is talking back to you, LOL, always and forever. Arlene has a question. I was getting to know someone, why would they say, let's just have a good time? Let's just have a good time, it's all about having a good time. Let's have a good time. What that means is I wanna get in your pants but I really don't wanna invest anything emotional with you. That's what a good time is. Katie says, does a guy who takes dating seriously not want to talk for days at a time? Great question. So when I'm in the early stage of dating and I'm taking it seriously, I want to stay as connected as possible until we build trust with one another. Okay, so I wanna stay as connected as possible until we build trust. When trust is built, I don't feel like I need to be on the telephone as much. And it's, so I appreciate the physical time we're together. I mean, in other words, when we're face to face and certainly connecting on the phone, but when trust is built, I don't have a need to be on the phone as much. So when, and it takes time to build trust. So that's the process of getting to know someone. You build trust, you build trust, you build trust. And when you've built enough trust, you don't need to do it as frequently. At least that's how I feel about it. So, and not days at a time, but certainly a check-in text, an evening text is fine. Maybe a telephone call if you know you're gonna be apart for a few days. And then physically seeing each other. Like I've always said, ladies, the type of relationship I'm looking for at a minimum. We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life. Intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either at some, talking about marriage or living together at some point in the future. But I am very clear on having these conversations sooner rather than later. So there's no ambiguity so that trust can be built much sooner rather than later. So thank you for that one. I appreciate it. Are there any singles in Chicago? I bet there are a million people who are single in Chicago. That would be my guess. Sweet Art says, Jonathan, certainly you're making a big difference. Well, I'm happy to hear that. Folks, my mouth is getting parched. Kathy McFadden says, I would date you, Jonathan, but you're in California, LOL. I appreciate that. Sherry Fleming is a big fan of the cure in level 42. I'm happy to hear that as well. Hey folks, I think this would be a great place for me to wrap up today. Did you find value in this? If you did, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. If you've got something to say, post a comment below. I'd like to hear all your thoughts. And again, if you found value in this, please share this video with your friends and subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. So I've given myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrack of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Power Chi and Sherry Fleming and the magic entertainer and Margaret and Peggy and Miss Cole and Katie and McCoy and Kathy McFadden and Papa King Kong and sweetheart and flowers and beach lovers in the house and Ouija and all the beautiful people, Taylor, everyone, big hugs, thanks a bunch. Bye now.


You know what I mean That's the only reason I said David dot last name First first pack for you here, buddy Dettmer's a mookie gold New bar There's no nail-cruiser rookie. So Tony just not gonna sleeve them all right now the rookies and stuff the big name rookies We will get sleep in top loaded up for you. Say yes is Yuki Joe Ryan nice for your twins 16 out of 99 there you go Tony. Well PC action there Absolutely not never never Sean John Carlos and there's a bed all brew home back Thompson. There's a Bobby Whit Jr. Rookie Jake Myers Vladdie G. That's Matt Manning her say it auto Lopez got Anthony Bender. I'm a certified auto for the Marlins Nice one there congrats on that there Tony and we've got an obsidian a Kunya not numbered Shane Bob's rookie Chris Brian. Oops. Sorry about that dropped your lindore there Francisco lindore on the downtown Spencer Strider rookie on the Titan Chrome Bryce Harper there's a Corbin burns on the base and a J rod nice J rod of city and refractor rookie Or silver I should say I guess technically that counts as this is This is in fact Me Here we go Tony next one up Lucius Fox, there's a hunter green on the Vertex Not numbered hunter green Freddy Freeman and Cal Raleigh nice Cal Raleigh clearly Don Russ there. There's a Tati's Ronzi contreras on the refractor. We've got nice 78 out of 99 Spencer Torkel said there you go Tony Congrats man. Nice torque We'll take that for sure nice numbered torque auto heck.  That's awesome and a Bregman Stud last night. This one's a little thicker. So I'll do it last Jaren Durand Corey Seeger Ron last name There's hobby buys up Dan Kevin Smith one Yep as we've got redemption. Oh cool Josh Donaldson boys of summer gold. That'll be to 10. There you go, Tony Former twins legend that is Josh Donaldson. Nice one there, man The boys of summer those are cool. Those are like a very short printed auto right there Exactly Chris very true.  There's no O'Neill cruise right there. Nice one there We've got Glenn Otto to 199 for the Rangers on the rookie That is oh boy Everett Cabrera Tyler McGill got nice America's pastime show. Hey, it's honey on the Jersey card player worn on the showhead Think all of show hay stuff is player worn at this point Yep, still player worn now Taking O'Tonnie for sure. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that Nolan Orinato and a lube obsidian not numbered that'll do it for your break there, Tony Congrats on all the hits man. We'll get them right out. Yeah. Thanks as always


Hi everyone! In this talk we are going to do something which seems like a fairly normal daily activity these days. We are going to announce a brand new service mesh, which we call L7MP. On the surface L7MP is just like every other service mesh around it that provides connectivity, routing, security and observability to microservice communications. But digging a bit deeper you will see that this is just not like your everyday service mesh. But before that let me introduce myself. I'm Gabo Rhetwari, part-time academic part-time industry research fellow and recently I've been leading a joint effort between BME and Rickson to experiment with brand new ways to build telco applications fully embracing the cloud native technologies tech. This talk is the outcome of this activity. So why do we need yet another service mesh? The problem is of course with legacy applications that several industries have been building, maintaining and marketing well before the advent of Kubernetes or before the advent of the service mesh frameworks for that matter. Think of video game servers, telco applications, VPN gateways and the countless other appliances people want to deploy into Kubernetes these days. These applications are usually built as software monoliths and use their application specific protocols. For instance the 4G mobile core network uses three different versions of the GTP tunneling protocol or running on top of UDP with at least half of those and no standard GTP variants also in wide use. Decomposing these monolithic applications into microservices would greatly benefit from the standard service mesh goodies like routing, observability and security and the like. But there is a problem here. The current line of open source service mesh offerings do not quite support the legacy protocols these applications are talking between themselves. In response, industry is actively trying to work around cloud-active technology stack and develops competing products with various degrees of success. S7MP is an experimental project we announced today. It is a completely different approach with sketch a new service mesh design that would accommodate legacy applications with the legacy application layered protocols as first class citizens. But first let's see how typical monolithic legacy application looks like. In this case let it be the so-called session border controller. The SBC is a proxy that stands in the way of voice over IP LDO streams and encapsulate it as real-time protocol voice sample buffers and send over the network as UDP streams and implement some critical value-added features like firewalling, rate limiting or media transcoding. Problem is the same as it typically is with monoliths, how to scale, how to enable resiliency, continuous integration, etc. The solution is, of course like usual, de-aggregation and microservices. First let's separate out the CPU intensive part, the media transcoder into a separate microservice and let's deploy it behind a cycle proxy and then let's remove the embedded state so that we can freely scale it up and down with current load. Second let's add an ingress gateway that load balances and routes RTP audio streams across the transcoder backends, provides retries and timeouts, counter deployments, terminate encrypted streams, etc. Third let's move rate limiting and firewalling functionality from the monolith into the ingress gateway. Fourth let's deploy monitoring infrastructure to gain per media stream visibility into the traffic and finally let's write a Kubernetes operator that will program the gateways and the sidecar proxies based on the high-level network policies specified as Kubernetes custom resource objects. What is surprising now is not that we ended up with the service mesh, what is surprising is how naturally this design emerged even when we're considering the legacy applications. Indeed we need the usual combination of routing, observability and security features, but as it turns out this is not your everyday service mesh and this is because the TACU requirement space is quite unique. First by typical service mesh handles mostly HTTP and related protocols, TACU is fundamentally multi-protocol. This does not only mean that the proxies must understand lots of exotic transport and application layer protocols but also that they must be able to translate between these protocols seamlessly like for instance translating from UDP to RTP, from GTP to VXLan, etc. Second in TACU the main traffic profile is typically a long-lived real-time audio and video streams with their stringent quality of service requirements as opposed to typical short-lived request-response type of workloads that cloud native workloads typically handle. Even the same words mean completely different things in these two words, for instance in TACU rate limiting usually means policing traffic based on the number of packets per second or based on the number of bytes per second transmitted by a stream when in cloud native the KPI is fundamentally different, for instance the number of HTTP requests per second. And finally the scales are also quite different in that TACU often faces with extreme performance requirements. S7MP is an experiment to understand how to build a service mesh that is from the ground up open to such legacy applications like TACU. It concentrates on the main features like control plane data plane separation as per the best software defined networking principles and it is fundamentally multi-protocol. At the same time it tries to be small and easy to extend so that it can serve as a perfect playground to experiment with new ideas. For a teaser we are now experimenting with a new eBPF-XDP based sidecar proxy accelerator that promises with orders of magnitude performance improvements over plain user space sidecar proxies. Eventually what ends up useful we will rewrite and upstream into cloud native stack for instance we can target Envoy. To get an idea on how how an S7MP configuration looks like consider the session border controller use case from the previous slides. Here is how the transcoder service is exposed to the rest of the cluster via the sidecar proxy. S7MP uses the familiar service mesh subtractions for instance the transcoder backends are made available to the rest of the workload exactly how is done in most service meshes using the virtual service abstraction backed by a plain Kubernetes service. It's just that the application layer protocol specification is not HTTP but RTP running on top of a UDP transport. The important part here is the route spec which very firmly details how to hand over the media stream to the transcoder application which is usually quite picky about how to accept calls like that it only accepts RTP streams to and from even numbered UDP ports. Then the gateway configuration makes this the session border controller data plane available to users. Here the slide does not show the configuration for the voice over IP protocol control plane message routing but this is also doable in L7MP. Again Ingress gateways use the same virtual service abstraction but the route spec is not quite different. First it filters incoming calls based on the source IP address. Second it load balances calls using a consistent hash policy ensuring the sessions are sticky based on the RTP, based on an RTP header field and finally it defines a custom retry with timeout resiliency policy in that field transcoder connections will be timeout after two seconds and will be retried at most read times. The L7MP project is still under heavy development but we now have a working SBC prototype built on top of L7MP and we can already route route plane UDP calls end-to-end providing load balancing, country deployments and resiliency and our monitoring infrastructure is also beginning to fall into place. But we firmly believe that L7MP is more generating than telco. So if you are struggling with a legacy application that you just cannot seem to be able to squeeze into Kubernetes networking we might have some ideas to share with you so please come and talk to us.  Or if you just like to play with new service mesh design like we do, L7MP is made for you. Finally we'd like to thank Ericsson for the generous support they provided to this work and we are looking forward to any comments of yours. Thanks for the attention.