CHAPTER ONE OF ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. RECORDING BY ERIK LEACH ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND By Lewis Carroll PROEM Tis two score years since Carroll's art with topsy-tervy magic sent Alice wandering through a part half comic and half tragic. Enchanting Alice, black and white, has made your deeds perennial, and not save chaos and old night can part you now from tenial. But still you are a type and based in truth like Lear and Hamlet, and types may be redraped to taste in Cloth of Gold or Camelot. Here comes a fresh costumier then that taste may gain a wrinkle from him who drew with such deft pen the rags of Rip Van Winkle. Austin Dobson All in the golden afternoon full leisurely we glide, for both our oars with little skill by little arms are plied, while little hands make vain pretence our wanderings to guide. A cruel three in such an hour beneath such dreamy weather to beg a tale of breath too weak to stir the tiniest feather, yet what can one poor voice avail against three tongues together? Imperious Prima flashes forth her edict to begin it, in gentler tone Secunda hopes there will be nonsense in it, while Tersha interrupts the tale not more than once a minute. Anon to sudden silence won, in fancy they pursue the dream-child moving through a land of wonders wild and new, in friendly chat with bird or beast, and half believe it true. And ever as the story drained the wells of fancy dry, and faintly strove that weary one to put the subject by, the rest next time it is next time the happy voices cry. Thus grew the tale of wonderland, thus slowly one by one, its quaint events were hammered out, and now the tale is done, and home we steer a merry crew beneath the setting sun. Alice a childish story-take and with a gentle hand lay it where childhood's dreams are twined in memory's mystic band, like pilgrims withered wreath of flowers plucked in a far-off land. CHAPTER I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do. Once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, and what is the use of a book thought Alice without pictures or conversations? So she was considering in her own mind, as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid, whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a white rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. There was nothing so very remarkable in that, nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the rabbit say to itself, When she thought it over afterwards it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural. But when the rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat pocket and looked at it and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat pocket or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity she ran across the field after it and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit hole under the hedge. In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again. The rabbit hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well. Either the well was very deep or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her, and to wonder what was going to happen next. First she tried to look down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything. Then she looked at the sides of the well and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and bookshelves. Here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed it. It was labelled orange marmalade, but to her disappointment it was empty. She did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody underneath, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it. Well, thought Alice to herself, after such a fall as this I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs. How brave they'll all think of me at home, why I wouldn't say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house, which was very likely true. Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end? I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time, she said aloud. I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see, that would be four thousand miles down, I think. For you see Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a very good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over. Yes, that's about the right distance, but then I wonder what latitude or longitude I've got to. Alice had no idea what latitude was or longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say. Presently she began again. I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth. How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downwards. The antipathies, I think. She was rather glad there was no one listening this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word. But I shall have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. Please, ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia? And she tried to curtsy as she spoke, fancy curtsying as you're falling through the air. Do you think you could manage it?  No, it'll never do to ask. Perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere. Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again. Dinah will miss me very much tonight, I should think. Dinah was the cat. I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea time. Dinah, my dear, I wish you were here down with me. There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat. And that's very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?  For you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah and saying to her very earnestly, Now Dinah, tell me the truth, did you ever eat a bat when suddenly thump, thump.  Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up onto her feet in a moment. She looked up, but it was all dark overhead.  There was not a moment to be lost. Away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it say as it turned a corner, Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting! She was close behind it when she turned the corner, but the rabbit was no longer to be seen. She found herself in a long, low hall which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the roof. There were doors all around the hall, but they were all locked, and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again. Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass. There was nothing on it but a tiny golden key, and Alice's first idea was that this might belong to one of the doors of the hall, but alas, either the locks were too large or the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time around she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high. She tried the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted. Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole. She knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw, how she longed to get out of that dark hall and wonder about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the doorway. Molly, even if my head would go through, thought poor Alice, it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could if I only knew how to begin, for you see so many out-of-the-way things that happened lately that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible. There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes. This time she found a little bottle on it, which certainly was not here before, said Alice, and tied round the neck of the bottle was a paper label with the words, drink me, beautifully printed on it in large letters. It was all very well to say, drink me, but the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. No, I look first, she said, and see whether it's marked poison or not, for she had read several nice little stories about children who had got burnt and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them, such as that a red hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long, and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife it usually bleeds, and she had never forgotten that if you drink much from a bottle marked poison, it is almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later. However, this bottle was not marked poison, so Alice ventured to taste it and finding it very nice. It had in fact a sort of mixed flavor of cherry tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, coffee, and hot buttered toast. She very soon finished it off.  And so it was indeed. She was now only ten inches high, and her face brightened up with the thought that she was now the right size for going through that little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further. She felt a little nervous about this. For it might end, you know, said Alice to herself, am I going out altogether like a candle? I wonder what I should be like then, and she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle looks like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember having ever seen such a thing. After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going into the garden at once. But alas for poor Alice. When she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach it. She could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery. And when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and cried. Come, there's no use in crying like that, said Alice to herself rather sharply. I advise you to leave off this minute. She generally gave herself very good advice, though she very seldom followed it, and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes, and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. But it's no use now, thought poor Alice, to pretend to be two people, where there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person.  She opened it and found in it a very small cake, on which the words eat me were beautifully marked in currents. Well, I'll eat it, said Alice, and if it makes me grow larger I can reach the key, and if it makes me grow smaller I can creep under the door, so either way I'll get into the garden and I don't care which happens. She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, which way, which way, holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size.  End of chapter 1 Chapter 2 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. The Pool of Tears Curious sir and curious sir, cried Alice, she was so much surprised that for a moment she quite forgot how to speak good English. Now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Goodbye, feet! For when she looked down at her feet they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so far off.   I'm sure I shan't be able. I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself about you. You must manage the best way you can, but I must be kind to them, thought Alice, or perhaps they won't walk the way I want to go. Let me see. I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas, and she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. They must go by the carrier, she thought, and how funny it'll seem sending presents to one's own feet, and how odd the directions will look. Alice's right foot, Esquire, Parthrug, near the fender, with Alice's love. Oh, dear, what nonsense I'm talking! Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall. In fact she was now rather more than nine feet high, and she had once took up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. Poor Alice, it was as much as she could do lying down on one side to look through into the garden with one eye, but to get through was more hopeless than ever, and she sat down and began to cry again. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, said Alice, a great girl like you, she might as well say this, to go on crying in this way. Stop this moment, I tell you, but she went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall. After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the white rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white-kid gloves in one hand, and a large fan in the other. He came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to himself as he came, Oh, the duchess, the duchess! Won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting? Alice felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help of anyone, so when the rabbit came near her she began in a low timid voice. If you please, sir, the rabbit started violently, dropping the white-kid gloves in the fan, and scurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go. Alice took up the fan and gloves, and as the hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking.  I wonder if I've been changed during the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different, but if I'm not the same, the next question is, who in the world am I? Ah, that's a great puzzle! And she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same ages herself to see if she could have been changed for any of them. I'm sure I'm not Ada, she said, for her hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all. And I'm sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she—oh, she knows such very little. Besides, she's she, and I'm I.  I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see. Four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is—oh, dear, I shall never get to twenty at that rate. However, the multiplication table doesn't signify. Let's try geography. London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome—no, that's all wrong, I'm certain. I must have been changed from Mabel. I'll try and say how doth the little. And she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do. How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail, and pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale. How cheerfully he seems to grin how neatly spreads his claws, and welcomes little fishes in with gently smiling jaws. I'm sure those are not the right words, said poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears again as she went on. I must be Mabel after all, and I shall have to go and live in that pokey little house and have next to no toys to play with, and, oh, ever so many lessons to learn. No, I've made up my mind about it. If I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here. It'll be no use there putting their heads down and saying, come up again, dear, I shall only look up and say, who am I then? Tell me that first, and then if I like being that person, I'll come up. If not, I'll stay down here till I'm someone else. But, oh, dear, cried Alice with a sudden burst of tears, I do wish they would put their heads down. I'm so very tired of being all alone here. As she said this, she looked down at her hands and was surprised to see that she had put on one of the rabbit's little white kid gloves while she was talking. How can I have done that, she thought? I must be growing small again. She got up and went to the table to measure herself by it and found that as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high and was going on shrinking rapidly. She soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding and she dropped it hastily just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether. That was a narrow escape, said Alice, a good deal frightened at the sudden change but very glad to find herself still in existence and now for the garden and she ran with all speed back to the little door.  As she said these words, her foot slipped and in another moment, splash. She was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea and in that case I can go back by railway, she said to herself. Alice had been to the seaside once in her life and had come to the general conclusion that wherever you go to on the English coast, you find a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses and behind them a railway station. However, she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high. I wish I hadn't cried so much said Alice as she swam about trying to find her way out. I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears. That will be a queer thing to be sure. However, everything is queer today. Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way off and she swam nearer to make out what it was. At first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus but then she remembered how small she was now and soon she made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself. Would it be of any use now thought Alice to speak to this mouse? Everything is so out of the way down here that I should think very likely that it can talk. At any rate, there's no harm in trying. So she began. Oh, mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I'm very tired of swimming about here. Oh, mouse. Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse. She had never done such a thing before but she remembered having seen in her brothers Latin grammar a mouse of a mouse to a mouse a mouse. Oh, mouse. The mouse looked at her rather inquisitively and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes but it said nothing. Perhaps it doesn't understand English, thought Alice. I dare say it's a French mouse come over with William the Conqueror. For with all her knowledge of history Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened. So she began again. Which was the first sentence in her French lesson book. The mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water and seemed to quiver all over with fright. Oh, I beg your pardon cried Alice hastily afraid that she had hurt the poor animal's feelings. I quite forgot you didn't like cats. Not like cats cried the mouse in a shrill passionate voice. Would you like cats if you were me? Well, perhaps not said Alice in a soothing tone. Don't be angry about it and yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah. I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She's such a dear quiet thing.  Oh, I beg your pardon cried Alice again for this time the mouse was bristling all over and she felt certain it must be really offended. We won't talk about her any more if you'd rather not. We indeed cried the mouse who was trembling down to the end of his tale as if I would talk on such a subject our family has always hated cats nasty low vulgar things. Don't let me hear the name again. I won't indeed said Alice in a great hurry to change the subject of conversation. Are you are you fond of dogs? The mouse did not answer so Alice went on eagerly.  He says it kills all the rats and oh dear cried Alice in a sorrowful tone I'm afraid I've offended it again for the mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go and making quite a commotion the pool as it went so she called softly after it mouse dear do come back again and we won't talk about cats or dogs either if you don't like them when the mouse heard this it turned round and swam slowly back to her its face was quite pale with passion Alice thought and it said in a low trembling voice let us get to the shore and then I'll tell you my history and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs it was high time to go for the pool was getting quite crowded with the birds had fallen into it there were a duck into dodo a lorry and an eaglet and several other curious creatures Alice led the way and the whole party swam to the shore end of chapter 2 chapter 3 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll this LibriVox recording is in the public domain a caucus race and a long tale they were indeed a queer looking party that assembled on the bank the birds with draggled feathers the animals with their fur clinging close to them and all dripping wet cross and uncomfortable the first question of course was how to get dry again they had a consultation about this and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them as if she had known them all her life indeed she had quite a long argument with the lorry who at last turned sulky and would only say I'm older than you and must know better and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was and as the lorry positively refused to tell its age there was no more to be said at last the mouse who seemed to be a person of authority among them called out sit down all of you and listen to me I'll soon make you dry enough they all sat down at once in a large ring with the mouse in the middle Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did get dry very soon ahem said the mouse with an important air are you already this is the driest thing I know silence all round if you please William the conqueror whose cause was favored by the pope was soon submitted to by the English who wanted leaders and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest Edwin and Morker the earls of Mercia and Northumbria ahem said the lorry with a shiver I beg your pardon said the mouse frowning but very politely did you speak not I said the lorry hastily I thought you did said the mouse I proceed Edwin and Morker the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him and even stagnant the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury found it advisable found what said the duck the mouse replied rather crossly of course you know what it means I know what it means well enough when I find a thing said the duck it's generally a frog or a worm the question is what did the archbishop find the mouse did not notice this question but hurriedly went on found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown William's conduct at first was moderate but the insolence how are you getting on now my dear it continued turning to Alice as it spoke as what has ever said Alice in a melancholy tone doesn't seem to dry me at all in that case said the dodo solemnly rising to its feet I move that the meeting adjourn for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies speak English said the eaglet I don't know the meaning of half long words and what's more I don't believe you do either and the eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile some of the other birds tittered audibly what I was going to say said the dodo in an offended tone was that the best thing to get us dry would be a caucus race what is a caucus race said Alice not that she much wanted to know but the dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak and no one else seemed inclined to say anything why said the dodo the best way to explain it is to do it and as you might like to try the thing yourself some winter day I would tell you how the dodo managed it first it marked out a race course in a sort of circle the exact shape doesn't matter it said and then all the party were placed along the course here and there there was no one two three and away but they began running when they liked and left off when they liked so that it was not easy to know when the race was over however when they had been running half an hour or so and were quite dry again the dodo suddenly called the race is over and they all crowded around it panting and asking but who has won this question the dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought and it stood for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead the position in which you usually see Shakespeare in the pictures of him while the rest waited in silence at last the dodo said everybody has won and all must have prizes but who is to give the prizes quite a chorus of voices asked why she of course said the dodo pointing to Alice with one finger and the whole party at once crowded around her calling out in a confused way prizes prizes Alice had no idea what to do and in despair she put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a box of confit luckily the salt water had not got into it and handed them round as prizes there was exactly one piece all round but she must have a prize herself you know said the mouse of course the dodo replied very gravely what else have you got in your pocket it went on turning to Alice only a thimble said Alice sadly hand it over here said the dodo then they all crowded round her once more while the dodo solemnly presented the thimble saying we beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble and when it had finished this short speech they all cheered Alice thought the whole thing very absurd but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh and as she could not think of anything to say she simply bowed and took the thimble looking as the next thing was to eat the confie this caused some noise and confusion as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs and the small ones choked and had to be padded on the back however it was over at last and they sat down again in a ring and begged the mouse to tell them something more you promised to tell me your history you know said Alice and why it is you hate C and D she added in a whisper half afraid that it would be offended mine is a long and sad tale said the mouse turning to Alice and sighing it is a long tale certainly said Alice looking down with wonder at the mouse's tale but why do you call it sad and she kept on puzzling about it while the mouse was speaking so that her idea of the tale was something like this Fury said to a mouse that he met in the house that as both go to law I will prosecute you come I'll take no denial we must have the trial for really this morning I've nothing to do said the mouse to the cur such a trial dear sir with no jury or judge would be wasting our breath I'll be judge I'll be jury said cunning old fury I'll try the whole cause and condemn you to death you're not attending said the mouse to Alice severely what are you thinking of I beg your pardon said Alice very humbly you had got to the fifth band I think I had not cried the mouse angrily a knot said Alice always ready to make herself useful and looking anxiously about her oh do let me help to undo it I shall do nothing of the sort said the mouse getting up and walking away you insult me by talking such nonsense I didn't mean it pleaded poor Alice but you're so easily offended you know the mouse only growled in reply please come back and finish your story Alice called after it and the others all joined in chorus yes please do but the mouse only shook its head impatiently and walked a little quicker what a pity it wouldn't stay as soon as it was quite out of sight and an old crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter oh my dear let this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper hold your tongue ma said the young crab a little snappishly you're enough to try the patience of an oyster I wish I had our diner here I know I do said Alice allowed addressing nobody in particular she'd soon fetch it back and who is diner if I might venture to ask the question said the lorry Alice replied eagerly for she was always ready to talk about her pet diner's our cat and she's such a capital one for catching mice you can't think and oh I wish you could see her after the birds why she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it this speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party some of the birds hurried off at once when old magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully remarking I really must be getting home the night air doesn't suit my throat and a canary called out in a trembling voice to its children come away my dears it's a high time you were all in bed on various pretexts they all moved off and Alice was soon left alone I wish I hadn't mentioned diner she said to herself in a melancholy tone nobody seems to like her down here and I'm sure she's the best cat in the world oh my dear diner I wonder if I shall ever see you anymore and here poor Alice began to cry again for she felt very lonely and low spirited in a little while however she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance and she looked up eagerly have hoping that the mouse had changed his mind and was coming back to finish his story End of Chapter 3 Chapter 4 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll this LibriVox recording is in the public domain the rabbit sends in a little bill it was the white rabbit trotting slowly back again and looking nervously about as it went as if it had lost something and she heard it muttering to itself the duchess the duchess oh my dear paws all my foreign whiskers she'll get me executed as sure as ferrets or ferrets where can I have dropped them I wonder Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves and she very good naturedly began hunting about for them but they were nowhere to be seen everything seemed to have changed since her swim in the pool and the great hall with the glass table and the little door had vanished completely very soon the rabbit noticed Alice as she went hunting about and called out to her in an angry tone why Mary Ann what are you doing out here run home this moment and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan quick now and Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to without trying to explain the mistake it had made he took me for his house made she said to herself as she ran how surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am but I'd better take him his fan and gloves that is if I can find them as she said this she came upon a neat little house on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name W. Rabbit engraved upon it she went in without knocking and hurried upstairs in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann and be turned out of the house before she had found her fan and gloves how queer it seems Alice said to herself to be going messages for a rabbit I suppose Diana will be sending me on messages next and she began fancying the sort of thing that would happen Miss Alice come here directly and get ready for your walk coming in a minute nurse but I've got to watch this mouse hold till Diana comes back and see that the mouse doesn't get out only I don't think Alice went on that they'd let Diana stop in the house if it began ordering people about like that by this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in the window and on it as she had hoped a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves and was just going to leave the room when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking glass there was no label this time with the words drink me but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips so something interesting is sure to happen she said to herself whenever I eat or drink anything so I'll just see what this bottle does I do hope it will make me grow large again for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing it did so indeed and much sooner than she had expected before she had drunk half the bottle she found her head pressing against the ceiling and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken she hastily put down the bottle saying to herself that's quite enough I hope I shan't grow any more as it is I can't get out at the door I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much alas it was too late to wish that she went on growing and growing and very soon had to kneel down on the floor in another minute there was not even room for this and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door and the other arm curled round her head still she went on growing she put one arm out of the window and one foot up the chimney and said to herself now I can do no more whatever happens what will become of me luckily for Alice the little magic bottle had now had its full effect and she grew no larger still it was very uncomfortable and as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again no wonder she felt unhappy it was much pleasanter at home for Alice when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller and being ordered about by mice and rabbits I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit hole and yet and yet it's rather curious you know the sort of life I do wonder what can have happened to me when I used to read fairy tales I fancied that kind of thing never happened and now here I am in the middle of one there ought to be a book written about me that there ought and when I grow up I'll write one but I'm grown up now she added in a sorrowful tone at least there's no room to grow up any more here but then thought Alice shall I never get any older than I am now that'll be a comfort one way never to be an old woman but then always to have lessons to learn oh I shouldn't like that oh you foolish Alice she said to herself how can you learn lessons in here why there's hardly room for you she learned lessons books and so she went on taking first one side and then the other and making quite a conversation of it all together but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside and stopped to listen Mary Ann Mary Ann said the voice fetch me my gloves this moment then came a little pattering a feed on the stairs Alice knew it was the rabbit coming to look for her and she trembled till she shook the house quite forgetting that she was now a thousand times as large as the rabbit and had no reason to be afraid of it presently the rabbit came up to the door and tried to open it but as the door opened inwards and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it that attempt proved a failure Alice heard it say to itself then I'll go round and get in at the window that you won't thought Alice and after waiting till she fancied she heard the rabbit just under the window she suddenly spread out her hand and made a snatch in the air she did not get hold of anything but she heard a little shriek and a fall and a crash of broken glass from which she concluded that it was just possible that it had fallen into a cucumber frame or something of the sort next came an angry voice the rabbits pat pat where are you and then a voice she had never heard before sure and I'm here digging for apples your honor digging for apples indeed said the rabbit angrily here come and help me out of this sounds of more broken glass now tell me pat what's that in the window sure it's an arm your honor he pronounced it arm an arm you goose whoever saw one that size why it fills the whole window sure it does your honor but it's an arm for all that well it's got no business there at any rate go and take it away there was a long silence after this and Alice could only hear whispers now and then such as sure I don't like it your honor at all at all do as I tell you you coward and at last she spread out her hand again and made another snatch in the air this time there were two little shrieks and more sounds of broken glass what a number of cucumber frames there must be thought Alice I wonder what they'll do next as for pulling me out of the window I only wish they could I'm sure I don't want to stay in here any longer she waited for some time without hearing anything more at last came a rumbling of little cartwheels and the sound of a good many voices all talking together she made out the words where's the other ladder why I hadn't to bring but one Bill's got the other Bill fetch it here lad here put him up at this corner no time together first they don't reach half high enough yet oh they'll do well enough don't be particular here Bill catch hold of this rope will the roof bear mind that loose slate oh it's coming down heads below a loud crash now who did that it was Bill I fancy who's to go down the chimney nay I shan't you do it that I won't then Bill's to go down here Bill the master says you have to go down the chimney oh so Bill's got to come down the chimney has he said Alice to herself why they seem to put everything upon Bill I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal this fireplace is narrow to be sure but I think I can take a little she drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could and waited till she heard a little animal she couldn't guess of what sort it was scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her then saying to herself this is Bill she gave one sharp kick and waited to see what would happen next the first thing she heard was a general chorus of there goes Bill then the rabbits voice alone catch him you'll buy the hedge then silence and then another confusion of voices hold up his head brandy now don't choke him how was it old fellow what happened to you tell us about it at last came a little feeble squeaking voice that's Bill thought Alice well I hardly know no more thanky I'm better now but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you all I know is something comes at me like a jack in the box and up I goes like a skyrocket so you did old fellow said the others we must burn the house down said the rabbits voice and Alice called out as loud as she could if you do I'll set Dinah at you there was a dead silence instantly and Alice thought to herself I wonder what they will do next if they had any sense they'd take the roof off after a minute or two they began moving about again and Alice heard the rabbits say a beroful will do to begin with a beroful of what thought Alice but she had not long to doubt for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window and some of them hit her in the face I'll put a stop to this she said to herself and shouted out you'd better not do that again she used another dead silence Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor and a bright idea came into her head if I eat one of these cakes she thought it's sure to make some change in my size and as it can't possibly make me larger it must make me smaller I suppose so she swallowed one of the cakes and was delighted to find that she began shrinking directly as soon as she was small enough she ran out of the house and found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside the poor little lizard Bill was in the middle being held up by two guinea pigs who were giving it something out of a bottle they all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared but she ran off as hard as she could and soon found herself safe in a thick wood the first thing I've got to do set Alice to herself as she wondered about in the wood is to grow to my right size again and the second thing is to find my way to that lovely garden I think that will be the best plan it sounded an excellent plan no doubt and very neatly and simply arranged the only difficulty was that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it and while she was peering about anxiously among the trees a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a great hurry an enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes and feebly stretching out one paw trying to touch her and then Alice said Alice in a coaxing tone and she tried hard to whistle to it but she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be hungry in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing hardly knowing what she did she picked up a little bit of stick and held it out to the puppy whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once with a yelp of delight and rushed at the stick and made believe to worry it then Alice dodged behind a great thistle from being run over and the moment she appeared on the other side the puppy made another rush at the stick and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to get hold of it then Alice thinking it was very like having a game of play with a cart horse and expecting every moment to be trampled under its feet ran round the thistle again then the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick running a little way forwards each time and a long way back and barking hoarsely all the while till at last it sat down a good way off panting with its tongue hanging out of its mouth and its great eyes half shut this seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape so she set off at once and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance and yet what a dear little puppy it was said Alice as she leaned against a buttercup to rest herself and fanned herself with one of the leaves I should have liked teaching it tricks very much if I'd only been the right size to do it oh dear I'd nearly forgotten that I have to grow up again let me see how is it to be managed I suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other but the great question is what the great question certainly was what Alice looked all round her at the flowers and the blades of grass but she could not see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances there was a large mushroom growing near her about the same height as herself and when she had looked under it and on both sides of it and behind it it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it she stretched herself up on tiptoe and peeped over the edge of the mushroom and her eyes immediately met those of a large blue caterpillar that was sitting on the top with its arms folded quietly smoking along hookah and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else End of Chapter 4 Chapter 5 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Advice from a caterpillar The caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence at last the caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and addressed her in a languid sleepy voice Who are you said the caterpillar This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation Alice replied rather shyly I hardly know sir just at present at least I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I must have been changed several times since then What do you mean by that said the caterpillar sternly Explain yourself I can't explain myself I'm afraid sir said Alice because I'm not myself you see I don't see said the caterpillar I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly Alice replied very politely for I can't understand it myself to begin with and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing It isn't said the caterpillar Well perhaps you haven't found it so yet said Alice but when you have to turn into a chrysalis you will someday you know and then after that into a butterfly I should think you'll feel it a little queer won't you Not a bit said the caterpillar Well perhaps your feelings may be different said Alice All I know is it would feel very queer to me You said the caterpillar contemptuously Who are you Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation Alice felt a little irritated at the caterpillar making such very short remarks and she drew herself up and said very gravely I think you ought to tell me who you are first Why said the caterpillar Here was another puzzling question and as Alice could not think of any good reason and as the caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind she turned away Come back the caterpillar called after her I have something important to say This sounded promising certainly Alice turned and came back again Keep your temper said the caterpillar Is that all said Alice swallowing down her anger as well as she could No said the caterpillar Alice thought she might as well wait as she had nothing else to do and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing for some minutes it puffed away without speaking but at last it unfolded its arms took the hooker out of its mouth again and said So you think your change do do you I'm afraid I am sir said Alice I can't remember things as I used and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together Can't remember what things said the caterpillar Well I've tried to say how doth the little busy bee but it all came different Alice replied in a very melancholy voice Repeat You are old father William said the caterpillar Alice folded her hands and began You are old father William the young man said and your hair has become very white and yet you incessantly stand on your head do you think at your age it is right In my youth father William replied to his son I feared it might injure the brain but now that I'm perfectly sure I have none why do I do it again and again You are old said the youth as I mentioned before and have grown most uncommonly fat yet you turned a back somersault in at the door pray what is the reason of that In my youth said the sage as he shook his grey locks I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment one shilling the box allow me to sell you a couple You are old said the youth yet you finished the goose with the bones and the beak pray how did you manage to do it In my youth said his father I took to the law and argued each case with my wife and the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw has lasted the rest of my life You are old said the youth one would hardly suppose that your eye was as steady as ever yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose what made you so awfully clever I have answered three questions and that is enough said his father don't give yourself airs do you think I can listen all day to such stuff be off or I'll kick you downstairs that is not said right said the caterpillar not quite right I'm afraid said Alice timidly some of the words have got altered it is wrong from beginning to end said the caterpillar decidedly and there was silence for some minutes the caterpillar was the first to speak what size do you want to be it asked oh I'm not particular as to size Alice hastily replied only one doesn't like changing so often you know I don't know said the caterpillar Alice said nothing she had never been so much contradicted in all her life before and she felt that she was losing her temper are you content now said the caterpillar well I should like to be a little larger sir if you wouldn't mind said Alice three inches is such a wretched height to be it is a very good height indeed said the caterpillar angrily rearing itself upright as it spoke it was exactly three inches high but I'm not used to it pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone and she thought to herself I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended you'll get used to it in time said the caterpillar and it put its hookah into its mouth and began smoking again this time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again in a minute or two the caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice and shook itself then it got down off the mushroom and crawled away into the grass merely remarking as it went one side will make you grow taller and the other side will make you grow shorter one side of what the other side of what thought Alice to herself of the mushroom said the caterpillar just as if she had asked it aloud and in another moment it was out of sight Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute trying to make out which were the two sides of it and as it was perfectly round she found this a very difficult question however at last she stretched her arms rounded as far as they would go and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand and now which is which she said to herself and nibbled a little of the right hand bit to try the effect the next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin it had struck her foot she was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change but she felt that there was no time to be lost and as she was shrinking rapidly so she said to work at once to eat some of the other bit her chin was pressed so closely against her foot that there was hardly room to open her mouth but she did it at last and managed to swallow a morsel of the left hand bit come my head's free at last said Alice in a tone of delight which changed into alarm in another moment when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found all she could see when she looked down there was no chance length of neck which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay far below her what can all that green stuff be? said Alice and where have my shoulders got to and oh my poor hands how is it I cannot see you she was moving them about as she spoke but no result seemed to follow except a little shaking among the distant green leaves as there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head and was delighted to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction like a serpent she had just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag and was going to dive in among the leaves which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she had been wandering when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry a large pigeon had flown into her face and was beating her violently with its wings serpent screamed the pigeon what a serpent said Alice indignantly let me alone serpent I say again repeated the pigeon but in a more subdued tone and added with a kind of a sob I've tried every way and nothing seems to suit them I haven't the least idea what you're talking about said Alice I've tried the roots of trees and I've tried banks and I've tried hedges the pigeon went on without attending to her but those serpents were no pleasing them Alice was more and more puzzled but she thought there was no use in saying anything more till the pigeon had finished as if it wasn't troubled enough hatching the eggs said the pigeon but I must be on the lookout for serpents night and day why I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks I'm very sorry you've been annoyed said Alice who was beginning to see its meaning and just as I'd taken the highest tree and the wood continued the pigeon raising its voice to a shriek and just as I was thinking I should be free of them at last they must needs come wriggling down from the sky ugh serpents but I'm not a serpent I tell you said Alice I'm a well what are you said the pigeon I can see you're trying to invent something I'm a little girl said Alice rather doubtfully and she remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day a likely story indeed said the pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt I've seen a good many little girls in my time but never one with such a neck is that no no you're a serpent and there's no use denying it I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg I have tasted egg certainly said Alice who was a very truthful child but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do you know I don't believe it said the pigeon but if they do why then they're a kind of serpent that's all I can say this was such a new idea to Alice that she was quite silent for a minute or two which gave the pigeon the opportunity of adding you're looking for eggs I know that well enough and what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent it matters a good deal to me said Alice hastily but I'm not looking for eggs as it happens and if I was I shouldn't want yours I don't like them raw we'll be off then said the pigeon in a sulky tone as it settled down again into its nest Alice crouched down among the trees as well as she could for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it after a while she remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands and she set to work very carefully nibbling first at one and then at the other and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter until she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height it was so long since she had been anything near the right size that it felt quite strange at first but she got used to it in a few minutes and began talking to herself as usual come there's half my plan done now how puzzling all these changes are I'm never sure what I'm going to be from one minute to another however I've got back to my right size the next thing is to get into that beautiful garden how is that to be done I wonder as she said this she came suddenly upon an open place with a little house in it about four feet high whoever lives there thought Alice it'll never do to come upon them this size why I should frighten them out of their wits so she began nibbling at the right hand bit again and did not venture to go near the house till she had herself down to nine inches high end of chapter five chapter six of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll this LibriVox recording is in the public domain pig and pepper for a minute or two she stood looking at the house and wondering what to do next when suddenly a foot man in livery came running out of the wood she considered him to be a foot man because he was in livery otherwise judging by his face only she would have called him a fish and wrapped loudly at the door with his knuckles it was opened by another foot man in livery with a round face and a large eyes like a frog and both foot men Alice noticed had powdered hair that curled all over their heads she felt very curious to know what it was all about and crept a little way out of the wood to listen the fish foot man began by producing from under his arm a great letter nearly as large as himself and this he handed over to the other saying in a solemn tone for the duchess an invitation from the queen to play croquet the frog foot men repeated in the same solemn tone only changing the order of the words a little from the queen an invitation for the duchess to play croquet then they both bowed low and their curls got entangled together Alice laughed so much at this that she had to run back into the wood for fear of their hearing her and when she next peeped out the fish foot man was gone and the other was sitting on the ground near the door staring stupidly up into the sky Alice went timidly up to the door and knocked there's no use in knocking said the foot man and that for two reasons first because I'm on the same side of the door as you are secondly because they're making such a noise inside no one could possibly hear you and certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within a constant howling and sneezing and every now and then a great crash as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces please then said Alice how am I to get in there might be some sense in your knocking the foot man went on without attending to her if we have the door between us for instance if you were inside you might knock and I could let you out you know he was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil but perhaps he can't help it she said to herself his eyes are so very nearly at the top of his head but at any rate he might answer questions how am I to get in she repeated aloud I shall sit here the foot man remarked till tomorrow at this moment the door of the house opened and a large plate came skimming out the foot man's head it just grazed his nose and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him all next day maybe the foot man continued in the same tone exactly as if nothing had happened how am I to get in asked Alice again in a louder tone are you to get in at all said the foot man that's the first question you know it was no doubt only Alice did not like to be told so it's really dreadful she muttered to herself the way all the creatures argue it's enough to drive one crazy the foot man seemed to consider this a good opportunity for repeating his remark with variations I shall sit here he said on and off for days and days but what am I to do said Alice anything you like said the foot man and began whistling oh there's no use in talking to him said Alice desperately he's perfectly idiotic and she opened the door and went in the door led right into a large kitchen which was full of smoke from one end to the other the duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle nursing a baby the cook was leaning over the fire stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup there's certainly too much pepper in that soup Alice said to herself as well as she could for sneezing there was certainly too much of it in the air even the duchess sneezed occasionally and the baby was sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause the only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze were the cook and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear please would you tell me said Alice a little timidly for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first why your cat grins like that it's a Cheshire cat said the duchess and that's why she said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby and not to her so she took courage and went on again I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned in fact I didn't know that cats could grin they all can and most of them do I don't know of any that do Alice said very politely feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation you don't know much said the duchess and that's a fact Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark and thought it would be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation while she was trying to fix on one the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the duchess and the baby the fire irons came first then followed a shower of sauce pans plates and dishes the duchess took no notice of them even when they hit her and the baby was howling so much already that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not oh please mind what you're doing cried Alice jumping up and down in an agony of terror oh there goes his precious nose as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it and very nearly carried it off if everybody minded their own business the duchess said in a horse growl the world would go round a deal faster than it does which would not be an advantage said Alice who felt very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge just think what work it would make with the day and the night you see the earth takes 24 hours to turn round on its axes talking of axes said the duchess chop off her head Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook to see if she meant to take the hint but the cook was busily engaged in stirring the soup and did not seem to be listening so she ventured to go on again 24 hours I think or is it 12 I oh don't bother me said the duchess I never could abide figures and with that she began nursing her child again singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line speak roughly to your little boy and beat him when he sneezes he only does it to annoy she knows it teases chorus in which the cook and the baby joined while the duchess sang the second verse of the song she kept tossing the baby violently up and down and the poor little thing howled so that Alice could hardly hear the words I speak severely to my boy I beat him when he sneezes for he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper when he pleases here you may nurse it a bit if you like the duchess said to Alice flinging the baby at her as she spoke I must go and get ready to play croquet with the queen and she hurried out of the room the cook threw a frying pan after her as she went out but it just missed her Alice caught the baby with some difficulty as it was a queer-shaped little creature and held out its arms and legs in all directions just like a starfish thought Alice the poor little thing was holding like a steam engine when she caught it and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again so that altogether for the first minute or two it was as much as she could do to hold it as soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it which was to twist it up into a knot and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot so as to prevent its undoing itself she carried it out into the open air if I don't take this child away with me thought Alice they're sure to kill it in a day do you? wouldn't it be murder to leave it behind? she said the last words out loud and the little thing grunted in reply it had left off sneezing by this time don't grunt said Alice that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourself the baby grunted again and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to see what was the matter with it there could be no doubt that it had a very turn-up nose much more like a snout than a real nose also its eyes were getting extremely small for a baby altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at all but perhaps it was only sobbing she thought and looked into its eyes again to see if there were any tears no there were no tears if you're going to turn into a pig my dear said Alice seriously I'll have nothing more to do with you mind now the poor little thing sobbed again or grunted it was impossible to say which and they went on for some while in silence Alice was just beginning to think to herself now what am I to do with this creature when I get it home when it grunted again so violently that she looked down into its face in some alarm this time there could be no mistake about it it was neither more nor less than a pig and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it any further so she set the little creature down and felt quite relieved to see it trot quietly away into the wood if it had grown up she said to herself it would have made a dreadfully ugly child but it makes rather a handsome pig I think and she began thinking over other children she knew who might do very well as pigs and was just saying to herself if only I knew the right way to change them when she was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire cat sitting on a bow of a tree a few yards off the cat only grinned when it saw Alice it looked good-natured she thought still it had very long claws and a great many teeth so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect Cheshire puss she began rather timidly as she did not at all know whether it would like the name however it only grinned a little wider come it's pleased so far I thought Alice and she went on would you tell me please which way I ought to go from here that depends a good deal on where you want to go said the cat I don't much care where said Alice then it doesn't matter which way you go said the cat so long as I get somewhere Alice added as an explanation oh you're sure to do that said the cat if only you walk long enough Alice felt that this could not be denied so she tried another question what sort of people live about here in that direction the cat said waving its right paw round lives a hatter and in that direction waving the other paw lives a march hare visit either you like the both mad but I don't want to go among mad people Alice remarked oh you can't help that said the cat we're all mad here I'm mad you're mad how do you know I'm mad said Alice you must be said the cat or you wouldn't have come here Alice didn't think that proved it at all however she went on and how do you know that you're mad to begin with said the cat a dog's not mad you grant that I suppose so said Alice well then the cat went on you see a dog growls when it's angry and wags its tail when it's pleased now I growl when I'm pleased and wag my tail when I'm angry therefore I'm mad I call it purring not growling said Alice call it what you like said the cat do you play croquet with the queen today I should like it very much said Alice but I haven't been invited yet you'll see me there said the cat and vanished Alice was not much surprised at this she was getting so used to queer things happening while she was looking at the place where it had been it suddenly appeared again by the by what became of the baby said the cat I'd nearly forgotten to ask it turned into a pig Alice quietly said just as if it had come back in a natural way I thought it would said the cat and vanished again Alice waited a little half expecting to see it again but it did not appear and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the March Hare was said to live I've seen hatchers before she said to herself the March Hare will be much the most interesting and perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad at least not so mad as it was in March as she said this she looked up and there was the cat again sitting on the branch of a tree did you say pig or fig said the cat I said pig replied Alice and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly you make one quite giddy alright said the cat and this time it vanished quite slowly beginning with the end of the tail and ending with the grin which remained some time after the rest of it had gone well I've often seen a cat without a grin thought Alice but a grin without a cat it's the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life she had not gone much farther before she came inside of the house of the March Hare she thought it must be the right house her knees were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur it was so large a house that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the left hand bit of mushroom and raised herself to about two feet high even then she walked up towards it rather timidly saying to herself suppose it should be raving mad after all I almost wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead End of Chapter 6 Chapter 7 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll this LibriVox recording is in the public domain a mad tea party there was a table set out under a tree in front of the house and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it a dormouse was sitting between them fast asleep and the other two were using it as a cushion resting their elbows on it and talking over its head very uncomfortable for the dormouse thought Alice only as it's asleep suppose it doesn't mind the table was a large one but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it no room, no room they cried out when they saw Alice coming there's plenty of room said Alice indignantly and she sat down in a large armchair at one end of the table have some wine the March Hare said in an encouraging tone Alice looked all round the table but there was nothing on it but tea I don't see any wine she remarked there isn't any said the March Hare then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it said Alice angrily it wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited said the March Hare I didn't know it was your table said Alice it's laid for a great many more than three your hair once cutting said the Hatter he had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity and this was his first speech you should learn not to make personal remarks Alice said with some severity it's very rude the Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this but all he said was why is a raven like a writing desk come we shall have some fun now thought Alice I'm glad they've begun asking riddles I believe I can guess that she added aloud do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it said the March Hare exactly so said Alice then you should say what you mean the March Hare went on I do Alice hastily replied at least at least I mean what I say that's the same thing you know not the same thing a bit said the Hatter why you might just as well say that I see what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see you might just as well say added the March Hare that I like what I get the same thing as I get what I like you might just as well say added the Dormouse which seemed to be talking in his sleep that I breathe when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I breathe it is the same thing with you said the Hatter and here the conversation dropped and the party sat silent for a minute while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing desks which wasn't much the Hatter was the first to break the silence what day of the month is it he said turning to Alice he had taken his watch out of his pocket and was looking at it uneasily shaking it every now and then and holding it to his ear Alice considered a little and then said the fourth two days wrong sighed the Hatter I told you Butter would not suit the works he added looking angrily at the March Hare it was the best butter the March Hare meekly replied yes but some crumbs must have got in as well the Hatter grumbled you shouldn't have put it in with the bread knife the March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily then he dipped it into his cup of tea and looked at it again but he could think of nothing better to say than his first remark it was the best butter you know Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity what a funny watch she remarked it tells the day of the month and doesn't tell what a clock it is why shouldn't it muttered the Hatter does your watch tell you what year it is of course not Alice replied very readily but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together which is just the case with mine said the Hatter Alice felt dreadfully puzzled the Hatter's remark seemed to have no meaning in it and yet it was certainly English I don't quite understand she said as politely as she could the Dormouse is asleep again said the Hatter and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose the Dormouse shook its head impatiently and said without opening its eyes of course of course just what I was going to remark myself have you guessed the riddle yet the Hatter said turning to Alice again no I give it up Alice replied what's the answer I haven't the slightest idea said the Hatter nor I said the March Hare Alice sighed wearily I think you might do something better with the time she said than wasting it asking riddles with no answers if you knew time as well as I do said the Hatter you wouldn't talk about wasting it it's him I don't know what you mean said Alice of course you don't the Hatter said tossing his head contemptuously I dare say you never spoke to time perhaps not Alice cautiously replied but I know I have to beat time when I learn music ah that accounts for it said the Hatter he won't stand beating now if you only kept on good terms with him he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock for instance suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning just time to begin lessons you'd only have to whisper a hint to time and round goes the clock in a twinkling half past one time for dinner I only wish it was the March Hare said to itself in a whisper that would be grand certainly said Alice thoughtfully but then I shouldn't be hungry for it you know not at first perhaps said the Hatter but you could keep it to half past one as long as you liked is that the way you manage Alice asked the Hatter shook his head mournfully not I he replied we quarreled last month just before he went mad you know pointing with his teaspoon to the March Hare it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts and I had to sing twinkle twinkle little bat how I wonder what you're at you know that song perhaps I've heard something like it said Alice it goes on you know the Hatter continued in this way up above the world you fly like a tea tray in the sky twinkle twinkle here the door mouse shook itself and began singing in its sleep twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop well I'd hardly finished the first verse said the Hatter when the Queen jumped up and bowled out he's murdering the time off with his head how dreadfully savage exclaimed Alice and ever since that the Hatter went on in a mournful tone he won't do a thing I ask it's always six o'clock now a bright idea came into Alice's head is that the reason so many tea things are put out here she asked yes that's it said the Hatter with a sigh it's always tea time and we've no time to wash the things between wiles then you keep moving round I suppose said Alice exactly so said the Hatter as the things get used up but what happens when you come to the beginning again Alice ventured to ask oh suppose we change this subject the March Hare interrupted yawning I'm getting tired of this I vote the young lady tells us a story I'm afraid I don't know once said Alice rather alarmed at the proposal then the door mouse shall they both cried wake up door mouse and they pinched it on both sides at once the door mouse slowly opened his eyes I wasn't asleep he said in a horse feeble voice I heard every word you fellows were saying tell us a story said the March Hare yes please do pleaded Alice and be quick about it added the Hatter or you'll be asleep again before it's done once upon a time there were three little sisters the door mouse began in a great hurry and their names were Elsie, Lacey and Tilly and they lived at the bottom of a well what did they live on said Alice who always took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking they lived on treacle said the door mouse after thinking a minute or two they couldn't have done that you know Alice gently remarked they'd have been ill so they were said the door mouse very ill Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary way of living would be like but it puzzled her too much so she went on but why did they live at the bottom of a well take some more tea the March Hare said to Alice very earnestly I've had nothing yet Alice replied in an offended tone so I can't take more you mean you can't take less said the Hatter it's very easy to take more than nothing nobody asked your opinion said Alice who's making personal remarks now the Hatter asked triumphantly Alice did not quite know what to say to this so she helped herself to some tea and bread and butter and then turned to the door mouse and repeated her question why did they live at the bottom of a well the door mouse again took a minute or two to think about it and then said it was a treacle well there's no such thing Alice was beginning very angrily but the Hatter and the March Hare went shh and the door mouse sulkily remarked if you can't be civil you'd better finish the story for yourself no please go on Alice said very humbly I won't interrupt you again I daresay there may be one one indeed said the door mouse indignantly however he consented to go on and so these three little sisters they were learning to draw you know what did they draw said Alice quite forgetting her promise treacle said the door mouse without considering at all this time I want a clean cup interrupted the Hatter let's all move one place on he moved as he spoke and the door mouse followed him the March Hare moved into the door mouse's place and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March Hare the Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change and Alice was a good deal worse off than before as the March Hare had just upset the milk jug into his plate Alice did not wish to offend the door mouse again so she began very cautiously but I don't understand where did they draw the treacle from you can draw water out of a water well said the Hatter so I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle well a stupid but they were in the well Alice said to the door mouse not choosing to notice this last remark of course they were said the door mouse well in this answer is so confused poor Alice that she let the door mouse go on for some time without interrupting it they were learning to draw the door mouse went on yawning and rubbing its eyes for it was getting very sleepy and they drew all manner of things everything that begins with an M why with an M said Alice why not said the March Hare Alice was silent the door mouse had closed its eyes by this time and was going off into a dose but on being pinched by the Hatter it woke up again with a little shriek and went on that begins with an M such as mouse traps and the moon and memory and muchness you know you say things are much of a muchness did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness really now you ask me said Alice very much confused I don't think then you shouldn't talk said the Hatter this piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear she got up in great disgust and walked off the door mouse fell asleep instantly and neither of the others took the least notice of her going though she looked back once or twice half hoping that they would call after her the last time she saw them they were trying to put the door mouse into the teapot at any rate I'll never go there again said Alice as she picked her way through the wood it's the stupidest teapotty I ever was at in all my life just as she said this she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into it that's very curious she thought but everything's curious today I think I may as well go in it once and in she went once more she found herself in the long hall and close to the little glass table now I'll manage better this time she said to herself and began by taking the little golden key and unlocking the door that led into the garden then she set to work nibbling at the mushroom she had kept a piece of it in her pocket till she was about a foot high then she walked down the little passage and then she found herself at last in the beautiful garden among the bright flower beds and the cool fountains End of Chapter 7 Chapter 8 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll The Queen's Croquet Ground a large rose tree stood near the entrance of the garden the roses growing on it were white but there were three gardeners at it busily painting them red Alice thought this a very curious thing and she went nearer to watch them and just as she came up to them she heard one of them say look out now five don't go splashing paint over me like that I couldn't help it said five in a sulky tone seven jogged my elbow on which seven looked up and said that's right five always lay the blame on others you'd better not talk said five I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserve to be beheaded what four said the one who had first spoken that's none of your business too said seven yes it is his business said five and I'll tell him it was for bringing the cook tulip roots instead of onions seven flung down his brush and had just begun well of all the unjust things I had a high chance to fall upon Alice as she stood watching them and he checked himself suddenly the others looked around also and all of them bowed low would you tell me said Alice a little timidly why you are painting those roses five and seven said nothing but looked at two two began in a low voice why the fact is you see miss this here ought to have been a red rose tree and we put a white one in by mistake and if the Queen was to find out we should all have our heads cut off you know so you see miss we're doing our best before she comes to at this moment five who had been anxiously looking across the garden called out the Queen the Queen and the three gardeners instantly through themselves flat upon their faces there was a sound of many footsteps and Alice looked round eager to see the Queen first came ten soldiers carrying clubs these were all shaped like the three gardeners oblong and flat with their hands and feet at the corners next the ten courtiers these were ornamented all over with diamonds and walked two and two as the soldiers did after these came the royal children there were ten of them and the little deers came jumping merrily along hand in hand in couples they were all ornamented with hearts next came the guests mostly kings and queens and among them Alice recognized the white rabbit it was talking in a hurried nervous manner smiling at everything that was said and went by without noticing her then followed the nave of hearts carrying the king's crown on a crimson velvet cushion and last of all this grand procession came the king and queen of hearts Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions and besides what would be the use of a procession thought she if people had to lie down upon their faces so that they couldn't see it so she stood still where she was and waited when the procession came opposite to Alice they all stopped and looked at her and the queen said severely who is this she said it to the nave of hearts who only bowed and smiled in reply idiot said the queen tossing her head impatiently and turning to Alice she went on what's your name child my name is Alice so please your majesty said Alice very politely but she added to herself why there only a pack of cards after all I needn't be afraid of them and who are these said the queen pointing to the three gardeners who were lying around the rose tree for you see as they were lying on their faces and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack she could not tell whether they were gardeners or soldiers or courtiers or three of her own children how should I know said Alice surprised at her own courage it's no business of mine the queen turned crimson with fury and after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast screamed off with her head off nonsense said Alice very loudly and decidedly and the queen was silent the king laid his hand upon her arm and timidly said consider my dear she's only a child the queen turned angrily away from him and said to the nave turn them over the nave did so very carefully with one foot get up said the queen in a shrill loud voice and the three gardeners instantly jumped up and began bowing to the king the queen the royal children and everybody else leave off that screamed the queen you make me giddy and then turning to the rose tree she went on what have you been doing here may it please your majesty said to in a very humble tone going down on one knee as he spoke we were trying i see said the queen who had meanwhile been examining the roses off with the heads and the procession moved on three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners who ran to Alice for protection you shan't be beheaded said Alice and she put them into a large flower pot that stood near the three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two looking for them and then quietly marched off after the others are their heads off shouted the queen their heads are gone if it please your majesty the soldiers shouted in reply that's right shouted the queen can you play croquet the soldiers were silent and looked at Alice as the question was evidently meant for her yes shouted Alice come on then roared the queen and Alice joined the procession wondering very much what would happen next it's a very fine day said a timid voice at her side she was walking by the white rabbit who was peeping anxiously into her face very said Alice where is the duchess hush hush said the rabbit in a low hurried tone he looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke and then raised himself upon tiptoe put his mouth close to her ear and whispered she's under sentence of execution what for said Alice did you say what a pity the rabbit asked no I didn't said Alice I don't think it's at all a pity I said what for she boxed the queen's ears the rabbit began Alice gave a little scream of laughter oh hush the rabbit whispered in a frightened tone the queen will hear you you see she came rather late and the queen said get to your places shouted the queen in a voice of thunder and people began running about in all directions tumbling up against each other however they got settled down in a minute or two and the game began Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet ground in all her life it was all ridges and furrows the balls were live hedgehogs the mallets live flamingos and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand upon their hands and feet to make the arches the difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo she succeeded in getting its body tucked away comfortably enough under her arm with its legs hanging down but generally just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head it would twist itself round and look up in her face with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing and when she had got its head down and was going to begin again to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself and was in the act of crawling away besides all this there was generally a ridge or a furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to and as the doubled up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed the players all played at once without waiting for turns quarreling all the while and fighting for the hedgehogs and in a very short time Alice began a furious passion and went stamping about and shouting off with his head or off with her head about once in a minute Alice began to feel very uneasy to be sure she had not as yet had any dispute with the queen but she knew that it might happen any minute and then thought she what would become of me they're dreadfully fond of beheading people here the great wonder is that there's anyone left alive she was looking about for some way of escape and wondering whether she could get away without being seen when she noticed a curious appearance in the air it puzzled her very much at first but after watching in a minute or two she made it out to be a grin and she said to herself it's the Cheshire cat now I shall have somebody to talk to how are you getting on said the cat as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak with Alice waited till the eyes had appeared and then nodded are you speaking to it she thought until its ears have come or at least one of them in another minute the whole head appeared and then Alice put down her flamingo and began an account of the game feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her the cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight and no more of it appeared I don't think they play at all fairly Alice began in a rather complaining tone and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak you have any rules in particular at least if there are nobody attends to them and you have no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive for instance there's the arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground and I should have crooked the queen's hedgehog just now only it ran away when it saw mine coming how do you like the queen said the cat in a low voice not at all said Alice she's so extremely just then she noticed that the queen was close behind her listening so she went on likely to win that it's hardly worthwhile finishing the game the queen smiled and passed on who are you talking to said the king coming up to Alice and looking at the cat's head with great curiosity it's a friend of mine a Cheshire cat said Alice allow me to introduce it I don't like the look of it at all said the king however it may kiss my hand if it likes I'd rather not the cat remarked don't be impertinent said the king and don't look at me like that he got behind Alice as he spoke a cat may look at a king said Alice I've read that in some book but I don't remember where well it must be removed said the king very decidedly and he called to the queen who was passing at the moment my dear I wish you would have this cat removed the queen had only one way of doing all difficulties great or small off with his head she said without even looking round I'll fetch the executioner myself said the king eagerly and he hurried off Alice thought she might as well go back and see how the game was going on as she heard the queen's voice in the distance screaming with passion she had already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns and she did not like the look of things at all she never knew whether it was her turn or not so she went in search of her hedgehog the hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croaking one of them with the other the only difficulty was that her flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into one of the trees by the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back the fight was over the hedgehogs were out of sight but it doesn't matter much thought Alice as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground so she tucked it under her arm that it might not escape again and went back for a little more conversation with her friend when she got back to the Cheshire Cat she was surprised to find quite a large crowd collected round it there was a dispute going on between the executioner the king and the queen who were all talking at once while all the rest were quite silent the moment Alice appeared she was appealed to by all three to settle the question and they repeated their arguments to her though as they all spoke at once she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said the executioner's argument was that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from that he had never had to do such a thing before and he wasn't going to begin at his time of life the king's argument was that anything that had a head could be beheaded and that you weren't to talk nonsense the queen's argument was that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed all round it was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious Alice could think of nothing else to say but it belongs to the duchess you'd better ask her about it she's in prison the queen said to the executioner fetch her here the executioner went off like an arrow the cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone and by the time he had come back with the duchess it had entirely disappeared so the king and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it while the rest of the party went back to the game End of Chapter 8 Chapter 9 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll this LibriVox recording is in the public domain the mock turtle's story you can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing said the duchess as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's and they walked off together Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen when I'm a duchess, she said to herself not in a very hopeful tone though I won't have any pepper in my kitchen at all soup does very well without maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot tempered she went on very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule and vinegar that makes them sour and chamomile that makes them bitter and barley sugar and such things that make children sweet tempered I only wish people knew that then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know she had quite forgotten the duchess by this time and was a little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear you're thinking about something, my dear and that makes you forget to talk I can't tell you just now what the moral of that is but I shall remember it in a bit perhaps it hasn't won, Alice ventured to remark tut tut, child, said the duchess everything's got a moral, if only you can find it and she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as she spoke Alice did not much like her keeping so close to her first because the duchess was very ugly and secondly because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin on Alice's shoulder and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin however she did not like to be rude so she bore it as well as she could the game's going on rather better now she said by the way of keeping up the conversation a little tis so, said the duchess and the moral of that is oh tis love, tis love that makes the world go round somebody said, Alice whispered that it's done by everybody minding their own business ah well, it means much the same thing said the duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added and the moral of that is take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves how fond she is of finding morals and things Alice thought to herself I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist the duchess said after a pause the reason is that I'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo shall I try the experiment? he might bite Alice cautiously replied not feeling it all anxious to have the experiment tried very true, said the duchess flamingos and mustard both bite and the moral of that is birds of a feather flock together only mustard isn't a bird Alice remarked right as usual said the duchess what a clever way you have of putting things it's a mineral I think said Alice of course it is said the duchess who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said there's a large mustard mine near here and the moral of that is the more there is of mine the less there is of yours oh I know exclaimed Alice who had not attended to this last remark it's a vegetable it doesn't look like one but it is I quite agree with you said the duchess and the moral of that is be what you would seem to be or if you'd like it put more simply never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise I think I should understand that better Alice said very politely if I had it written down but I can't quite follow it as you say it that's nothing to what I could say if I chose the duchess replied in a pleased tone pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that said Alice oh don't talk about trouble said the duchess I make you a present of everything I've said as yet a cheap sort of present thought Alice I'm glad they don't give birth their presence like that but she did not venture to say it out loud thinking again the duchess asked with another dig of her sharp little chin I've a right to think said Alice sharply for she was beginning to feel a little worried just about as much right said the duchess as pigs have to fly and them but here to Alice's great surprise the duchess's voice died away even in the middle of her favorite word moral and the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble Alice looked up and there stood the queen in front of them with her arms folded frowning like a thunderstorm a fine day your majesty the duchess began in a low weak voice now I give you fair warning shouted the queen stamping on the ground as she spoke either you or your head must be off and that in about half no time take your choice the duchess took her choice and was gone in a moment let's go on with the game the queen said to Alice and Alice was too much frightened to say a word but slowly followed her back to the croquet ground the other guests had taken advantage of the queen's absence and were resting in the shade however the moment they saw her they hurried back to the game the queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost them their lives all the time they were playing the queen never left off quarreling with the other players and shouting off with his head or off with our head those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers who of course had to leave off being arches to do this so that by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left and all the players except the king, the queen and Alice were in custody and under sentence of execution then the queen left off quite out of breath and said to Alice have you seen the mock turtle yet no said Alice I don't even know what a mock turtle is it's the thing mock turtle soup is made from said the queen I never saw one or heard of one said Alice come on then said the queen and he shall tell you his history as they walked off together Alice heard the king say in a low voice to the company generally you're all pardoned come that's a good thing she said to herself for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the queen had ordered the very soon came upon a griffin lying fast asleep in the sun if you don't know what a griffin is look at the picture up lazy thing said the queen and take this young lady to see the mock turtle and to hear his history I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered and she walked off leaving Alice alone with the griffin Alice did not quite like the look of the creature but on the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage queen so she waited the griffin sat up and rubbed its eyes then it watched the queen till she was out of sight then it chuckled what fun said the griffin half to itself half to Alice what is the fun said Alice why she said the griffin it's all her fancy that they never executes nobody you know come on everybody says come on here thought Alice as she went slowly after it I never was so ordered about in my life never they had not gone so far before they saw the mock turtle in the distance sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of a rock and as they came nearer Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break she pitied him deeply what is his sorrow she asked the griffin and the griffin answered very nearly in the same words as before it's all his fancy that he hasn't got no sorrow you know come on so they went up to the mock turtle who looked at them with large eyes full of tears but said nothing this here young lady said the griffin she wants to know your history she do I'll tell it her said the mock turtle in a deep hollow tone sit down both of you and don't speak a word till I've finished so they sat down and nobody spoke for some minutes Alice thought to herself I don't see how he can ever finish if he doesn't begin but she waited patiently once said the mock turtle at last with a deep sigh I was a real turtle these words were followed by a very long silence broken only by an occasional exclamation of from the griffin and the constant heavy sobbing of the mock turtle Alice was very nearly getting up and saying thank you sir for your interesting story but she could not help thinking there must be more to come so she sat still and said nothing when we were little the mock turtle went on at last more calmly though still sobbing a little now and then we went to school in the sea the master was an old turtle we used to call him tortoise why did you call him tortoise if he wasn't one Alice asked we called him tortoise because he taught us said the mock turtle angrily really you are very dull you ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question added the griffin and they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice who felt ready to sink into the earth at last the griffin said to the mock turtle drive on old fellow don't be all day about it and he went on in these words yes we went to school in the sea though you may believe it I never said I didn't interrupt it Alice you did said the mock turtle hold your tongue added the griffin before Alice could speak again the mock turtle went on we had the best of educations in fact we went to school every day I've been to a day school too said Alice you needn't be so proud as all that with extras asked the mock turtle a little angrily yes said Alice we learned French and music and washing said the mock turtle certainly not said Alice indignantly ah then yours wasn't a really good school said the mock turtle in a tone of relief now at ours they had at the end of the bill French music and washing extra you couldn't have wanted it much said Alice living at the bottom of the sea I couldn't afford to learn it said the mock turtle with a sigh I only took the regular course what was that inquired Alice reeling and writhing of course to begin with the mock turtle replied and then the different branches of arithmetic ambition distraction uglification and derision I never heard of uglification Alice ventured to say what is it the griffin lifted up both its paws in surprise never heard of uglifying it exclaimed you know what to beautify is I suppose yes said Alice doubtfully it means to make anything prettier well then the griffin went on if you don't know what to uglify is you're a simpleton Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it so she turned to the mock turtle and said what else had you to learn well there was mystery the mock turtle replied counting off the subjects on his flappers mystery ancient and modern with seeography then drawing the drawing master was an old conger eel that used to come once a week he taught us drawing stretching and fainting in coils what was that like said Alice well I can't show it to you myself the mock turtle said I'm too stiff and the griffin never learned it at the time said the griffin I went to the classical master though he was an old crab he was I never went to him the mock turtle said with a sigh he taught laughing and grief they used to say so he did so he did said the griffin sighing in his turn and both creatures hid their faces in their paws and how many hours a day did you do lessons said Alice in a hurry to change the subject ten hours the first day said the mock turtle nine the next and so on what a curious plan exclaimed Alice that's the reason they're called lessons the griffin remarked because they lesson from day to day this was quite a new idea to Alice and she thought over it a little before she made her next remark then the eleventh day must have been a holiday of course it was said the mock turtle and how did you manage on the twelfth Alice went on eagerly lots enough about lessons the griffin interrupted in a very decided tone tell her something about the games now end of chapter nine