So let's just be honest here. There's something very enticing about a person that you can't actually have. While we all know what we should be doing, sometimes the idea of something unavailable seems really exciting. Maybe it's the fantasy you want or the element of taboo, something that's dangerous, but dangerous also in a way that ignites passion. People fall for unavailables all the time. We see it from tons of women in our community. Science also shows that it's not always the taboo that we find that's the most addictive. As an article from The Business Insider explains, sometimes we desire what we can't have because one, we're attracted to the social proof, right? We want what others want because it just feels valuable. Or two, we're addicted to the highs of chasing someone, the breadcrumbs they leave us. The problem is these intents want what you can't have relationships rarely work out. Why? Because it's the imagined relationship going on in your head that's very appealing. It's usually not all what it really is in reality, right? So we fantasize about the perfection and then we're left disappointed with the flesh and blood and it's that story, whether you're chasing a married man or a celebrity or a guy that doesn't want what you want or an emotionally unavailable guy or a best friend who friendzoned you or whatever, right? So we take the idea of unavailable as a challenge and so we're inclined to chase it. And I'll bet deep down you already know that you can't be with this impossible guy. There's no way it's gonna work out and a lot of women that I talked to have already accepted it. Still the desire is there, the want is intense and we've all been there. But how do you detach and can you detach? The answer is yes, you absolutely can and that is what we're gonna be talking about today. My name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Here are five ways to detach from a man that you can't be with. Number one is you play your own therapist and determine the reason for the attraction. It's obviously not just compatibility because there's other fish in the sea, right? So what is it about this guy that actually tempts you? Why is the timing of this relationship important? What was the precise moment when you realized that you had feelings for him? Like what are you getting out of being with this guy? How does he make you feel? Significant, excited, centered, connected and more importantly, how can you replace this experience with something else? If you just try to detach, it usually doesn't end up working out and so you need to replace whatever you're getting with something else. You can get your needs met through other means if you figure out which needs are being met by him. All right, so if you're here with us right now, make sure you say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see so many women from all over the world watching these live streams with us. So number two is objectively analyze the situation. Understand why your feelings developed is a very important step to detaching, right?  Oftentimes in these unavailable crushes, people create like an idealized version of the real man that they want to fall in love with. So they love the fantasy, the idea, but later they end up finding out that the real guy is not anything like the fantasy was and this can quickly cure somebody of all romantic notions that they've had and you may have experienced this with guys before where they're like really hot at the beginning because they have this kind of idea about who you are that isn't actually you. And then all of a sudden they disappear at some point because they realize that their idea of who you were in their mind isn't actually who you are. But you don't have to wait until the relationship is doomed in order to realize what's going on. You can start looking now, look at him objectively, look over his life and hear what other people have to say about him. You know, is he really the man that you think he is beyond the physical intimacy? What actually do you guys have in common? All right, so number three is release all of that pent up frustration by letting out your emotions. So go ahead and confess your love not to him, but confess your love, your grievance, your rage, everything, write a letter, record it, sing about it, whatever you need to do. The solution here is not to tell him because you already know what he's gonna say. The same thing that he always says, if you're even actually connected to this guy in real life, because sometimes people will get connected to somebody and they're not even in communication with them. It's happened with women with me before where they'll contact me and I'll have like an inbox full of messages from them. And I'm not even responding to them. It's like we have a whole relationship in my inbox, right? And it's not even with me. It's just them talking kind of to themselves. So you're gonna write this letter and then just rip up that letter or lock it away somewhere so it won't ever be found, but you still may need to say it or hear it for yourself. So if you need to do that, you can always do that. Some people like to do kind of rituals with these kinds of things where they'll like light a fire and then burn it or whatever, right? And let go, let go of it. Whatever you need to do to just let go is the important thing to do here. So if you get what I'm talking about right now, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask some questions about it or you can ask questions about your situation. I'm gonna be getting to the questions, whatever questions you have here in a minute and I'll be answering all of them about whatever you wanna talk about. So all right, number four is detach slowly, not cold turkey. So one day at a time, try to focus on other things. So trying too hard to forget him all at once usually makes it really, really difficult. And a lot of people have a hard time doing that. Some people it works, right? So you have to figure out what works for you. You have to have a pretty strong kind of willpower in order to do this though, if you wanna do a cold turkey. Instead, just live one day at a time and gradually wean yourself off of his presence even if it's like really little steps at a time.  And like we talked about earlier, replace your interactions with him by getting your needs met somewhere else. So what are these needs that you need to replace, right? Is it feeling like you're special and important and significant? Is it some kind of excitement that you're having? Is it this connection, this feeling of love, right? It's feeling like you're connected to somebody. Like what is the, is it like the feeling of comfort like you have something figured out and you've got this thing, right? Figure out what those things are and start replacing them one by one. Whatever they are for you with this guy. So over time, your feeling will start to stall and his lack of attention together with your distraction will soon end up curing you of kind of this connection that you have with them, right? So maybe you won't end up completely forgetting about him but you'll eventually realize that you both have very different lives and that you've kind of created a separate identity from him which is something we're gonna be talking about here in just a second. So what works in theory won't work in the real world, right? It's time to get busy living your own life. And so we're moving on to number five which is reboot your own life, look beyond him. So it's time to look for a new beginning after the fact, after this guy whether he's a crush or an ex or whatever it is that he is, right? Focus on what you want to be and what you want to do with your life. Focus on building an identity in a life outside of him. So researchers have found that when you're with someone your identity starts to mold together and you start to feel like you're one person.  And so one of the fastest ways to get over somebody is to start doing things that strengthen your identity, that strengthen who you are as a person and who you feel you are. So you start focusing on building. So when you're with them, right? You're focusing on building a life together and you dream of what things could be like together. And so instead what you want to do is start focusing on building your life separately from him and start dreaming of yourself independent of him in a better relationship or by yourself or whatever, right? This will help you take back your identity as an individual and start feeling the separation that exists already exists between the two of you. And if you set your mind and heart to it you can do absolutely anything. Yeah, even a relationship you crave but it's impossible to create. You can break free of that, right? In the end, you'll end up being proud of yourself for resisting a disastrous idea for sparing yourself the grief of a bad decision that you are just getting deeper and deeper and deeper into and you deserve better and you will find it. You are worth more than staying with someone who isn't gonna take care of you and your needs not to say that they're a bad person or anything but you deserve something more. You deserve more than being an option. You deserve more than getting breadcrumbs. You deserve more than just being not getting your needs taken care of and taking care of somebody else's needs. So remember that, absolutely. If you have any questions right now, ask them in the chat. Also, if you're interested in healing and getting over somebody, I have a program it's called the Breakup Remedy. You can check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up. You can go get the program there. It's a great program. Lots of women have used it and they feel a lot better about themselves and their lives and everything that's going on with them from using the program. So let's see what kind of questions and comments we have here in the chat. Lots of hello's. Hello, hello, hello. Hello. Interesting topic says Connie. Well, thank you. I hope it's interesting. Hopefully it's useful. It's very valuable. That's what I want. What I want is to bring you guys as much value as I possibly can with these videos. And so hopefully that's happening here. So let me know if you find this video valuable. If you do, give it a thumbs up. If you're just watching this, make sure to subscribe to the channel and click on the bell notification so you get notified when I am going live. All right. So Robin Reed says, you have a soulmate and no other information. Okay. Doop, doop, doop, doop. Let's see, what questions do you guys have? CJ says, I totally needed this. Always spot on and always on time. Thanks, Matt. You're welcome. I hope that's, I hope it's really valuable. Alma says, I pull myself back. I stop contacting them. Absolute. Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. You see?  Says, if you have a long distance situation and see but nothing has been spoken about. Okay. So if you have a long distance situation and see but nothing has been spoken about, what are we or what we want in the future and he is giving mixed signals, what should one do in this kind of a situation? What you should do is you should be following my program, the forever woman. That is ultimately what you should be doing. Specifically what you should be doing is you should be asking questions from the very beginning about different things, right? You're in a long distance relationship. So there's, if you're not actually seeing each other, I don't know much about your situation. But if you're in a long distance situation and you haven't seen each other before, if you haven't actually met each other before, then what you should assume is that you guys are not exclusive, that you guys are seeing other people. You can assume that that person is seeing other people and you want to make sure that you ask questions about what this person is looking for.  Because one of the things that happens with long distance relationships is they will be long distance, right? You meet long distance or online or whatever and you're talking for a long time and then you meet up with each other and you're like, this person isn't anything like what I saw in the picture. They aren't anything like what they kind of projected themselves to be. And so what you want to make sure that you're doing is connecting with each other in real life and making sure that this person is a person that you actually want to be with. And then the next thing that you want to do is make sure that you're not investing in him any more than what he is investing in you because what ends up happening a lot of times with women is they will, a guy's like talking to them and they get really interested and then they start getting emotionally invested. And the more emotionally invested they get, the more connected and more attached they end up feeling to this guy. And then the guy's not even sure if he wants to be with this woman and this woman's already committed, she's already thinking about what kind of babies they're gonna have together and where their wedding's gonna be and where they're going on their honeymoon, right? And this guy's like, I'm not even sure if I want to be with her. And so what you want to do is make sure that you're creating abundance for yourself, right? You're coming from a space of abundance and not a space of scarcity. So a space of abundance of men, right? Abundance of options, abundance of connections. So being connected to a lot of things.  So my suggestion is you go and get my program because I talk about everything that you need to do in the program, how to make sure you protect yourself, how to make sure that you get into a situation where you're loved and seen and cherished by a man, how to grow love with him, how to connect with him in a way that creates a powerful deep emotional connection that turns into love. So you want to go get that, it's at theforeverwomanformula.com. So go check that out. Okay, so Star Garcia says, how can I move on mentally? I know I deserve better and I'm done but why am I just always getting sad about things he's done to me?  So you have to shift your focus. You have to change what you're focusing on. You need to start focusing on the things that you want in your life and not just turn your mental, mentally focused on them but also feel them, right? Think about the things that you want. Start, you want to start making progress towards it. You want to shift your focus and then start making progress towards what you actually want, right? So like we talked about in the video earlier, what you want to do is reestablish your identity and build your sense of identity back up into a separate person and then shift your focus onto what it is that you want, the kind of relationship that you want, the meeting other men, building abundance of connection and options and creating a life that you absolutely love because then it'll be like, do I want to go back to this guy that made me feel bad? No, I want to go to this life that I absolutely want and you'll be driven towards it and you'll be moving towards it and that guy will become, you'll disappear in the background. It'll flood away, right? It'll flood into the sea of stuff that you don't care about anymore. Ryan says, I once fell deeply in love. Believe it or not, it was over 20 years ago. Why can't I let go and move on? Well, Ryan, what you got to do is like what we talked about. Do all the things that we've been talking about here, reshift your focus, right? Build a new connection. Build, you know, figure out what it was about that falling in love that you really, really enjoyed, right? What made you feel alive about it? What made it such a significant thing, right? You might never forget about it and you don't necessarily need to forget about it. You just need to replace it with something that's as good or better than what it was and it's not impossible to do, right? It's challenging in this world right now. We live in the world of the hookup culture so a lot of people are looking for superficial connections and all that kind of stuff but a lot of people are moving away from that. A lot of people specifically right now are starting to move away from that because they crave real connection. They crave being with somebody great and you can find somebody great. All you have to do is make sure that you're meeting new people and connecting with new people and making sure that you're getting your needs met in other ways. Lots of I understands. Francine says I started dating someone who lives two hours away. He video chats every day but only when he is on a walk or driving. He doesn't sit down and talk to me as a priority. Hmm, hmm, Francine, hmm, hmm. BH says question, keep pulling away and come back. Saying, thinking about us without sharing what this is. How do I deal with this?  My guess is that you're asking about this because you don't want to be in a situation where a guy pulls away and then comes back and says he's thinking about you guys but he's not telling you what he's thinking about or any of that kind of stuff, right? It sounds like what's happening is you're getting breadcrumbs and you're getting in this situation where you're not getting your needs met and it feels like he's kind of all over the place and what you need to do is, one, you have to figure out what kind of a situation you're in since I don't know how long you guys have been seeing each other or any of that kind of stuff. It kind of depends, right? So if you guys are in a committed relationship, it's a little bit different than if you're just kind of initially seeing somebody. If you're initially seeing somebody, you have to decide whether this is something that you want to deal with or not and if it is something that you wanna deal with, then what you need to do is, one, start mirroring, right? That's what you need to do when he pulls away is you pull away and, two, you need to decide whether this is something that you wanna deal with or not and if it's not something that you wanna deal with, then what you need to tell him is you need to set some boundaries and tell him what it is that you want and what you're not willing to deal with anymore and if he's not willing to start making sure that he meets your needs and connecting with you, then you need to decide whether you actually wanna be with this guy or not, right? So if this is a committed relationship that you're in, then what you need to do is have a real conversation about what's going on with him. So if you guys have been seeing each other for a long time, you're committed, you're with each other and you know that you're with each other, then you need to sit him down and talk to him about what's going on with him and find out what's going on because if he's committed to you and you're not just casually dating each other and he's running off seeing other people and stuff, then you need to find out what's going on with him, right? Is it stress, is it, there could be a whole bunch of different reasons, right? I did a video recently about different reasons why men pull away and you need to find out what's going on with him so that you can kind of get on the same kind of same playing field and you know how what's going on with each other and you can start learning how to communicate with each other and you can talk to him about how you want to be communicated with in a way that makes sense and works for you. That's what you need to be doing. All right, let's see, let's see, let's see. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of comments. All right, so Star Garcia says so true and for some reason I feel bad for leaving and doing what's right for me. Everything I was having to ask for should have been done naturally and it wasn't too much yet. And it's one of those things you also have to remember, Star, that a lot of people don't know how to be in relationships. And so you can't ever just assume that things just should be a certain way because if you assume that things should be a way and they just happen naturally, what you're gonna run into is that people have different backgrounds, right? So I came from a background where my parents were a mess, right? They had no idea how to communicate with each other. They were fighting, yelling at each other. My mom was living in a separate room, right? Like my dad was like hammering on the floor in the middle of the night to wake her up. My dad was like pulling my brother up by his hair, from the basement and stuff. We had an incredibly dysfunctional family. And if you think that I'm gonna show up into a relationship when I become an adult after this and suddenly know how to be in a relationship, you're wrong, right? When I became an adult, I had no idea how to be in a relationship. And so I had to learn, I had to learn everything, right? And it wasn't even until I started getting into the women's dating industry, the women's dating and relationships side when I started learning so much more about what relationships really should be like because I just heard it from the guy's side for a while and you're like, oh, well, women should be doing this, right? And then you jump on the women's side and women are like, oh, men should be doing this. And you're like, wait a second, those things don't exactly line up. And the reality is, is that we all have different ideas about how relationships should look. And we have different imprints from our parents, from previous relationships, from past hurts, right? So if you get into a relationship with somebody, if a guy got into a relationship with a woman and she treated them like garbage, which happens all the time, right?  And so there's a lot of different variables here where you think things should just happen naturally. But really, you need to talk about the things that you want and you need to share with him how you'd like the relationship to look and the things that make you feel loved and the things that make you feel attracted to him because he probably doesn't know these things, right? And if he's been in the men's dating side or he's been on dates with women in the past, a lot of the things that you think that you want and that you think men should be doing, a lot of them have done and it's actually backfired in their face, right? Like the whole getting women flowers things, right? There's tons of men and if you're in the dating industry at all and you're in the men's side, you know that one of the number one pieces of advice that men are told is to not buy women flowers, don't buy them drinks, don't overly do a whole bunch of things for them because women tend to take it for granted, right? And that's not true if a woman is attracted to you but most guys when they're in a dating situation they meet a woman and she's not attracted to them yet. And so he does all these things, right? And it's different when he's dating than when he's in a relationship but guys tend to look at dating advice and not at relationship advice. And so a lot of times they'll take the ideas from dating and try to use those in a relationship but a relationship's a totally different thing than a dating situation and things that don't work in dating oftentimes are exactly what you need to do in a relationship. And so you have to realize that a lot of guys are confused out there. There's a lot of guys that have no idea what they should be doing or what you think they naturally would be doing. And so you have to communicate what you want and what works with you and what makes you feel loved and what makes you feel desired and what makes you feel attracted. And you're far more likely to get what you want if you communicate what you want. If you don't communicate what you want just expect that he's not gonna do what you want him to do unless he happened to have the same upbringing as you and just kind of figured it out somehow, right? Which is really uncommon these days, really uncommon. All right, let's see, what else do we have? Anonymous Facebook user says the forever woman has helped me get out of this. It was like an addiction. Well, I'm glad the forever woman helps you get out of it but you can also get out of it using the breakup remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash breakup. But if you want to use the forever woman, the forever woman is my flagship program. For those of you who don't know about it, you can get it for free. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com, watch the video there. You can get the program for free. It gives you the most important things that you can possibly know about dating in this day and age to make sure that you're valued and loved and seen by a great quality man. You end up in the great relationship that you want to be in. Janie says, Janie says, I've detached and am working on myself. He won't leave me alone. Yeah, I mean, what you might want to do is just block them and all that kind of stuff.  They're getting their needs met from you, right? A lot of times it's the same with the other way, right? They're getting all their needs met from you and yet they're not willing to step up to the plate and create the relationship that you want to have or they're afraid of facing their fears and pain from the past and looking into that and healing. And so what they do is they just string you along and you need to make sure that you're getting your needs met first. You need to make sure you're getting your needs met. You need to make sure that you're protecting yourself and you need to make sure that you're valuing yourself because you're worth more than being bread crumbed in a toxic relationship or a casual friend with benefits situation when you want something more. And so don't settle for something less than what you know in your heart you deserve. That's my suggestion. Jade says, everything you are saying, I fully understand. I'm glad you understand that Jade. Cici says, it is very valuable and literally right now I'm gonna break up. He flew out Thursday. All right. Shelby says, incredibly valuable. Well, I'm glad you're finding this valuable Shelby. That is my whole thing. Galaxy Samsung says, how to get over a cheater? Do the same things that we've been talking about, right? Like if you're trying to get over somebody, what you need to do is rebuild your sense of identity and who you are as a human being. If you have any questions about that specifically, ask them. Jenny says, how do I encourage him to move on and accept I've moved on? Well, what he does is really none of your business, right?  I'm not feeding into his nonsense. I'm not responding to him. It might end up taking months, but eventually he'll end up giving up. Ideally, if you don't continue to connect with him, right? If you continue to connect with him, you're only feeding into the problem that you have. Irene says, he didn't want to FaceTime or phone call because he says that he don't prefer that and feels distant. What should I do? Is this a long distance relationship, Irene? Have you met this person? Depends on your situation here. Amy says, I've sent four emails and messages through Facebook about a program I purchased and never received no response. Sure, Amy, what you need to do is you need to contact support at commitmentconnection.com. So stop, you know, if you haven't, you know what, I'll check on you because you said you sent out four emails. I'll check on you. One of the things that you wanna do is check your junk, your spam email. Usually what ends up happening is women will send us an email and our support will respond back, but sometimes it ends up in your junk mail. And so you'll wanna check your junk mail to make sure that you've received the response because our support is, she always contacts people back. So it's, if you haven't seen it there, check in your junk mail, I'll check on you later and make sure that you're getting taken care of. And if you're not, I will make sure to get in contact with you and send you the information you need. We were also putting together a chat right now, a 24-hour a day support chat because for some reason, some of the emails don't end up making it back to people and it's ridiculous. So we're gonna work on that and hopefully we'll get you taken care of here, Amy. And I'm sorry that happened to you and we will make sure that we get this taken care of. So, all right, Catherine says, how do you deal with it if you work together? You know, it can be difficult. It can be difficult if you work together, but really all you have to do, all you have to make sure that you do is just have as little contact as possible. I know it can feel excruciatingly painful for a while if you work together and you're always seeing him and you're just like, oh my God, this is driving me crazy, right? But just do all the things that we talked about and just have as little contact with him as you possibly can. Janice says it is very valuable and informative, awesome. So I like to hear. Felicia says my soon-to-be ex-husband has already monkey-branched into a fast-moving, live-in relationship. I'm not handling it well at all. That's sorry to hear that, Felicia.  Well, thank you. Thank you for the compliment. Thank you, Nadia. Christine said he dumped me with two girls. How can I forget him and move on? You need to do what we've been talking about in this video is you need to recreate this identity for yourself, right? You need to re-solidify the identity that you've created. Go back over this video and watch the video over and over and over again and take notes and then do what I talk about in the video because this is scientifically proven stuff that will make you get over your ex. It is the fastest way to do it. If you want more, you can always check out the Breakup Remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up. Dorothy says, when I'm nice to my guy, he starts taking me for granted and only communicates a few texts if that. It's so irritating being taken for granted. Do I have to be non-caring always? No, but you do need to lean back until he's committed in your relationship. That's the first thing you need to do. The second thing you need to do is stop focusing on texting. Like so many women are like, hey, how do I build this whole relationship through text? How do I get him to text more often? And you can do that, right? You can build a relationship over text. You can get a guy to start texting more but it's incredibly painful to do that and you're far better off meeting in person and building a relationship in person than trying to get him to start doing something that he doesn't want to do, right? So instead, what you want to do is when he's kind of pulling back, which is what you're calling taking for granted, what you want to do is pull back as well. And that's why it feels like, it feels like when you don't care, he cares more, right? Because you're using human dynamics there, right? You're pulling back and when he's pulled back and all of a sudden he starts coming forward and you come forward but then when he pulls back, you're going forward again. And so what ends up happening is you're like, oh, he's taking me for granted but in reality, what's happening is there's a wave, right? And you're far better off to mirror him and pull back when he pulls back because when you do that, it'll be a much shorter period of time before he comes back to you, right?  But what you want to do is make sure that when he's like not initiating, he's not texting as much, that you're not texting as much, you're not initiating. Find other places where you're getting connection, stop trying to get all your connection through him, right? If you're not in an exclusive committed relationship, you should be building abundance within yourself and creating an abundance of options and an abundance of connection with people, with other men, with animals, with family members, with friends so that you're not completely dependent on getting your needs met through him. It's very important, very, very, very important. Francine says he is a very busy, successful man and doesn't make time for me. He drove to my home twice in the past month and we had a nice time visiting. Well, is that what you want, Francine? Is that what you feel like you want in a relationship? If it's not, then you need to decide what it is that you want and start focusing on that. One of the biggest things that happens is women come to me and they're like, okay, there's this guy, right? And I'm totally attached to him and I'm trying to make him do all these things, right? But that's what a person who doesn't feel like they're valuable does, right? A person who really feels like they're valuable, they stop trying to force somebody to do something and they say, hey, I'm worth more than this. If you're, you know, this is what I want. They communicate what it is that they want with the person that they're seeing and then they say, you know what, it's fine if you don't want to give that to me, but I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I actually want. And then what they end up doing is they pull back and they start seeing other people and they start finding in their life what they want. And if that guy decides that he wants to step up and create the relationship that you want to have, that's great. If not, that's fine too, because there's lots of men out there and there's plenty of men who want to give you a great, amazing relationship.   And he needs to know that.  And I'm not saying that you should manipulate him or try to tell him that he's gonna lose you or any of that kind of stuff. He has to feel that way. He has to feel that if he doesn't step up his game and start acting the way that you want him to act in order to create the relationship that you want to have, that you are gonna be taken away by some other guy who's far more willing to see your value and give you the things that you want to have in your relationship. You are worth more than that.  And there's plenty of guys out there that are willing and happy and thrilled and can't wait to have a great relationship like that with a woman.  And instead find a guy that is actually gonna treat you the way that you wanna be treated instead of being like, oh, okay, it's this one guy and I'm attached to him and that's it, right? Detach yourself. We just talked about how to do it. If you need more ways, you can check out the Breakup Remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up, but make sure that you get into the type of relationship that you want to have a relationship where a guy treats you well and connects with you and loves you and cherishes the ground on which you walk. Was that a rant? Does, did I, did I run off on a rant here? All right.  Should I be concerned about the silence? Absolutely, right? If you ask a guy questions and he doesn't answer them, what was the question about, right? Is he answering other questions? Right, why wouldn't he answer that question? There's usually a good reason. There's a good reason for everything. And so you wanna make sure that you're not putting yourself into a situation where you're being taken for granted and you're getting into a situation where he, your values aren't aligned. You don't wanna be in that situation. All right, let's see. Mickey says, he says I have expectations and that's preventing me from being happy with him. Is there such a thing as having no expectations? Absolutely, right? And it's one of those things where, so it depends on what you mean by expectations. If you mean expectations like what we talk about, right? Expectations like you expect that a guy is going to do all these things. And if he doesn't, then you're like, why didn't you do these things that I wanted you to do or whatever, right? That's one kind of expectation. Another kind of expectation is that you know what it is that you want and that you're not gonna settle for less, right?  Why didn't you open the door for me? Why didn't you, whatever, right? Which is a very painful way to connect with a guy, right? And if you have expectations around that, right? Or like sometimes women will have expectations around texting where they'll send a text to a guy and they'll be like, hi. And the guy's like, hi, back. And the woman's like, why isn't he texting me more often, right? And it's like, because he doesn't know, right? Because you sent him a hi, right? And so if you want something different, you have to communicate what it is that you want. And if you have expectations, you have to figure out whether they're expectations or whether they're standards, right? Is this something where you're nitpicking over little things or is it something where you have communicated what it is that you want? You know what it is that you want. You're communicating what it is that you want. And he's deciding to not live up to those standards that you have, right? So absolutely, you can have no standards, right? Or no expectations, right? You'll be a lot happier when you have no expectations because what will end up happening is people won't disappoint you if you have no expectations, right? And it's pretty difficult to not have any expectations at all. However, you'll experience a much more enjoyable life with no expectations, but having high standards, right? So for instance, let's say that you got on a date with a guy. And you have an expectation that he's going to pay for dinner, right? And then he doesn't pay for dinner. Well, you expected him to pay for dinner. And so now you're angry that he didn't because he's not living up to your expectations. Whereas if you have no expectations, but you have standards and he doesn't pay for your dinner, but your standard is that you want to have a man who's a provider and who pays for your dinners and who treats you that way, right? And he doesn't do that. It means that you're not upset, right? But what it means is that he's not living up to your standards. You can still be happy. You can still have a good time and you're still enjoying yourself, but he's not living up to your standards and that's okay because not everybody's gonna live up to your standards.   And there's nothing wrong with what he did by not paying for your dinner, right? We live in the world of strong independent feminist women. And so it's becoming more and more expected, especially in the West and the United States more so than anywhere else that you will pay for your own dinner, right? Because you're a strong independent woman and you don't need no man for nothing, right? And if you run into a guy who feels that way about kind of the world or he doesn't really have a lot of money or he's been around a lot of kind of feminist women who are offended by a guy paying for their meals, then he might expect that you're going to pay for your own side of your meal, right?  And that's kind of the difference between standards and expectations, right? And it's maybe that wasn't the best articulated but I hope you kind of get what I'm talking about here. So BVH says question, if he keeps pulling away and come back and I state it's not cool, he apologizing but keeps happening. He says thinking about us but not sharing. Yeah, we already talked about this, BVH. You have to decide whether this is the kind of relationship that you actually want to be in, right? This is, you're looking into the future and you're seeing what is going to be happening. And what's going to be happening is you're going to be with a guy who is going to pull away and come back, right? It's like people that show up late, right?  I've done it before, right? I'm one of those people that shows up on time or early for everything. I was a military guy, I'm a military veteran. I usually show up 10 minutes early to everything. And one of my best friend in college was actually this guy, right? And he was late to everything, right? He was one of those party dudes. He's always listening to music and just having fun. And sometimes if you would show up on time, he would leave just so he could come back and show up late, right? That's how bad he was about showing up late. And for a while, I tried to force him to show up on time and it rarely worked. And all it did was create stress for me and it was painful. It was painful for our relationship. It was painful for everything. And so at some point, I just figured out that he's gonna show up late all the time. And so I would give him times where he would need to show up 15 to 30 minutes before when I actually wanted him to show up, right? So if I wanted him there at six o'clock, I'd tell him 5.30 or five sometimes because he was real late. I don't know, he was Mexican. He always told me it was because he was Mexican. I don't know if that's true or not. But I know that he shows up late all the time.  All right, so let's move on. The point is that you shouldn't try to force him or manipulate him into doing things. Instead, you should just accept him for who he is, right? And let him know what it is that you want, find out what's going on with him. And if he keeps on doing that, you have to either come to the realization and the acceptance that he's gonna do that all the time or you need to find somebody else, right? Or both, do both of those things. All right, so Jackie says quite unusual, my ex broke up with me. We both realized we lived too far long distance from each other because we can both see why it didn't work. We both, we have both agreed to be friends. He texts me today and said, and I said I am still healing and the friendship is okay with me. We get on so well. I am not hoping now for any romance. Somehow I am okay about the friendship.  I wouldn't assume that at all. I wouldn't assume that for a second. All right, Dorothy says when he's here, he says he doesn't like texts exactly. Just like what we're talking about Dorothy and wants to talk on the phone, but when he goes back to Canada, he texts. We've been seeing each other. That's probably because it costs money to call from Canada. You might want to teach him about Skype or Instagram, video chat or FaceTime or something. He wants me to come to Canada. We've been seeing each other for over a year. He wants me to come to Canada. Very interesting, very interesting. Michelle says, hello from Toronto. Looking good, Matt, as always. Well, thank you. All right, let's see.  I'm texting four guys. Can't keep up to get over the X above.  That's a lot of dudes to be texting, right? At some point you're like, okay, what did I text him and what did I say to him and who's John again? What did we talk about when we were hanging out? So you might want to cut that down a little bit to like three, right? Probably three, Max. So one of the things that's going on right now in the world is we live in the world of the hookup culture. And we're having a lot of challenges. Our culture is pushing superficial relationships on all of us, right? And so a lot of women are having a challenging time. Women who want to be loved and they want to be valued and they want to be seen in a relationship. They're having a really difficult time getting into the relationship that they want. Lots of guys are pulling back. Lots of guys are saying that they just want to hook up. Lots of guys are disappearing on them. And really, so I put together a program about how to attract the guy that you want to have into a relationship where he loves you and he sees you and he connects with you. And this is a very well researched program and lots and lots of women have had great results from it. We have women that are getting married from it all the time. We have women that are getting into relationships with their soulmates. We have women that are turning around marriages from using this content. We have women, there was a woman the other day in the community that was talking about how all of her friendships and all of her relationships to everybody in her whole life have gotten better from using the stuff inside the Forever Woman program. And so the Forever Woman formula, which is what this is based on is based off of three things.  Number two, it's about positioning yourself in a position of value, right? A position where men are afraid that if they don't step up, if they don't improve their game, if they don't do what you want them to do, that you are gonna be taken by somebody else and they're gonna lose their chance to be in a great relationship with you. And number three, what you need to do is communicate your value. And communicating your value is what most women come to me about, right? They wanna find out what to text a guy, they wanna find out what should they say to a guy, which are incredibly important things, right?  It's a text message that gets his attention and makes him realize that he's made a mistake by pulling away. And if you're interested in getting that text message as well as my entire program for free, go to the foreverwomanformula.com and get a copy of my program there. I promise you won't regret it. It is amazing, you can get it for free.  Thank you so much for being here with me today. We have some of the most amazing, beautiful, awesome women in the world as a part of our community. And I am so blessed and I'm so honored to be serving you and helping you create the relationship that you've always wanted to have. So thank you so much for being here. My frog Fritz says thank you for being here. I hope that wasn't weird. Anyway, I've gotta go get going. There's some pigeons that I need to go pet, but I will be speaking to you again soon. Thank you so much for being here and always remember, you are worth it.


Hi everyone, Joe for jaskiescasebreaks.com, Nick on the Nick cam right there just over my shoulder And he's gonna be ripping open these four boxes these four mega boxes Eric What's going on 2019 2020 Panini Donner's optic basketball four box mega pick your team number 13 no vet commonship and One team one entry for the pelicans. We didn't sell the pelicans straight up So there there they are available right there. So let's grab everybody's names You can see everybody's names once again. Thanks everyone for getting into the action Nancy with last spot mojo Josh Going for the pelicans big time here. Let's remove that pelicans placeholder. Let's roll it Let's randomize it three and a two five times name on top after five gets the pelons one two three four and Fifth and final time after five times name on top drum roll drum roll drum roll It's gonna be Steven Schwartz Wow Steven Schwartz after five times gets the pelicans You've only had a few teams to what a snipe. All right, there you go Apologies to Josh We'll get him next time and congrats again to Steve. You can't win if you don't play folks You can't win if you don't play even a spot or two. We've seen it many times I mean a lot of times people the person with the odds isn't gonna be the one getting the Getting the being the winner, but we've seen also many times where one or two spots or three is enough So always tries when I was one what we're getting that. All right, here we go Thanks, everyone Obviously all these inserts will ship rated rookies will ship vet comments like these two cards will not ship They'll be donated to a good cause We're sold and then Proceeds will be donated to a good cause Nice Coby white rated rookie and Folks, it's with the go-legers by the way that they could close out the finals tonight But a lot of basketball stuff is it's off season So you could probably buy low on a lot of these up these rookies that could be huge next year If you want to be sharp about it just kind of look on some secondary markets You may find some deals and try to hold if you can Don't be too eager to sell these too quickly Scofield and all these pink hyphers of course will ship. All right, we got a hollow Darius Basely Played some good basketball In the bubble and you'll get that other one too. Okay, see that'll be for Mike G Mike Krasinski with that one I'm not a cool inserts in this stuff too Anthony Davis he might see his first championship today You think they'll just give him the finals MVP. I Don't know how that works actually With him and LeBron On the other side definitely Jimmy Butler, right? 40 point triple double the other day if they if they end up beating the Lakers It'll be because of Jimmy Butler. Yeah, they somehow All right, there you go That was the next box nice Hachimura pink hyper as well for Joshua and that Anthony Davis will also go to Josh There's LeBron James. That's a hollow right there another LeBron James base My Lakers wearing their Mamba jerseys tonight folks. They have not lost a playoff game in those Mamba jerseys So fingers crossed all of these LeBron James's have definitely have solid value in the secondary market Going to Josh My house Nicola Vusevich and Joe Harris. There was another Base card on them. No, these are all pink hyphers. All right, let's roll. There's Jimmy Butler right there What an incredible player Jordan pool and a Michael Bridges. All right fourth and final box Good luck everybody. This is pick your team 13 Nice Tyler hero rated rookie more Anthony Davis Miami Heat Eric J with the heat Do we have any pregame basketball action happening here? No local news can't do local news NBA countdown starts at bottom of the hour folks 530 Pacific My house Zion Williamson Just an insert still has value, of course goes to Stephen Schwartz who won the Palikins Pick your team 13 Maybe some more maybe a pink hyper down there Let's find out. We'll find out in a second There's hollow Shabazz Napier and Cameron Johnson rated rookie. He looked pretty good in the bubble, too All right, last stack right here. These are the bonus packs right here Steph Curry Kevin Porter, Jr. Giannis onto the combo Isaiah Roby Deandre Jordan and I Kind of saw as I was sliding this I saw rated rookie. I quickly saw Palikins the color of the Palikins Although he's not me, but there you go Stephen Let's just hope that that Zion makes Nikhil Alexander Walker a ton better bucks Brendan with the bucks and the Kevin Porter, Jr. We'll go to John Ryder and the Cavs. He's certainly got some upside to Cavs fans actually really like this guy Lot of by low candidates here ladies and gentlemen future stars, hopefully All right, there you have it. That was pick four box mega edition 2019-2020 Panini Donner's optic basketball picker team 13 I didn't see any more in the back But keep your eye out on jaspierscasebreaks.com for more hoops and I'm Joe and I'll break more of that with you next time Bye


Why can't I just like a girl? Finn the human at first is the prototypical lead. He very much lives the life of a hero. The 13 year old only sees the world as good and evil. He ventures throughout the land of U, meeting wizards and witches, kings and princesses. So surely by the end of his story, someone will reward him with a princess, acknowledging his noble efforts and granting him a love of his own, right? So when adventure time begins, Finn sets his sights on princess bubblegum, the princess whom he holds on a pedestal, the princess who he can't bear to disappoint, and the princess whom he will do anything for without question. Finn often overlooks some of PB's morally questionable actions because of this crush that blinds him. In what have you done, Finn imprisons the Ice King simply because she asks him to. In the Duke of Nuts, he never questions bubblegum's claim that the Duke is a bad person, insisting that because it is the princess, she must be correct. Finn finds it so difficult to say no to the princess because he is so afraid of letting her down. It might be because of the way he views the world as a knight on an adventure, having the princess hate Finn, goes against everything that being a hero is. He's supposed to be a champion, beloved by all, fighting for what's right, so having the princess against him, chatters this ideal. Moving aside that hero, that knight persona, in the land of oo, bubblegum is the one person who consistently relies on him. She only trusts him. She needs him. Add on the fact that she's generally nice to him, and it becomes easy for Finn to misconstrue genuine friendship for love, because he doesn't have many of these relationships anyway. At this stage of this series, P.B. is the only constant woman in his life, and that consistent contact that he has with her causes him to develop this crutch. But Finn also denies this part of himself, and he is often embarrassed to admit that he likes P.B. A part of it is that he is a 13 year old kid, probably afraid of the rejection that might come with liking someone who doesn't like him back, and who doesn't give him over its signals about whether or not she likes him back. At the same time, P.B. is one of Finn's closest friends, and again someone he places on a pedestal. It's someone he respects and admires deeply, and the friendship that they have does mean an awful lot to him. I think he doesn't want to jeopardize that either. Finn's feelings become quite muddled, as they would be for a boy his age who has this motherlike figure at times, an older sister, a friend, a romantic partner, all in one. He's 13 years old, his confusion is understandable, and he vocalizes it in what was missing, when he sings and asks what he is to her, a joke, her night, or her brother. But things take a turn for the worst for Finn, and too young. After the events of mortal folly, the princess is transformed into her younger self. A younger 13 year old P.B. is very similar to Finn. With the younger P.B. the two have a great time together, playing around, doing pranks, and they share plenty of wholesome moments. They would so obviously be together if the princess was this age.  But P.B. has a duty to her people. And so she returns to her 18 year old self, without a tussle from Finn. He even tells her that he understands. Finn shows a level of maturity here that's impressive, given that for three seasons he's been chasing after this crush, and once he finally has it, he's able to let it go for the greater good. Finn will forever be her hero and her champion, and one of her best friends. But anything more just does not exist. Although not the conclusion to their story, Finn's pursuit of Princess Bubblegum comes to a halt here. I think there were a lot of people who identified with Finn, especially when it came to his failed attempts with Princess Bubblegum. His first love, his first crush, and from his perspective, he feels like he's being sent so many mixed signals. Like Princess Bubblegum is playing with his emotions. There are a lot of people who've been in a similar situation, and some who even feel entitled to a relationship because of those feelings. But Finn demonstrates a real level of understanding and maturity later on. Unrequited love hurts, but love is not something that we are owed. Finn understands this, and instead of distancing himself from the princess for good, he moves on, and goes on to have an amazing friendship with PeeBee. Finn's initial interaction with Flame Princess is chaotic, and it sets the tone for their entire relationship. Finn and PeeBee have a love primarily fueled by passion. As Finn is getting older, this is the perfect relationship for him to have in the next stage of his development. It's not the innocent, childish crush that he had on Bubblegum, but instead one that illustrates that he is a growing hormonal teenager. A part of Finn's relationship with Flame Princess is about their desires for physical intimacy, but their incompatibility on that front. During their time spent together, Finn notes more than once that he feels confused around her, he says. Like something's filling up his chest, like he can't breathe. It's a very different feeling than with Princess Bubblegum.  Unlike Bubblegum, where it took him a while to even be honest with himself and then to her. It's like with PeeBee, he wasn't allowed to feel his greatest emotions, his greatest desires. He's been deprived of these feelings that he had with Princess Bubblegum. So with Flame Princess, he's honest about his desperation for love and affection and romance. There's a level of desperation that is reckless and childish here. But when he's with someone his own age and of similar interest, he's finally allowed to explore this. Finn and PeeBee both desire physical intimacy, they desire to hug and to kiss. But because of Flame Princess' physiology, the two are not compatible with any sort of prolonged touch. As their relationship unfolded, Vault of Bones added another perspective for the young lovers. Finn being in his first relationship had a tendency to sometimes be a bit controlling. While it came from a good place, Finn in this episode wanted Flame Princess to experience things in the way that he thought was fun. But it would ultimately learn to let her do things in the ways that she wanted to. In this episode, it also demonstrated what Flame Princess sees in Finn. Finn is her first example of goodness, of heroism.  And so she holds Finn extremely high in that regard and ultimately trusts him profoundly. So when we get to Frost and Fire, Finn's desires get the better of him when he tries to recreate what appears to be a wet dream after Flame Princess protected him against Ice King. So he manipulates the two into fighting a second time. When the dream is not replicated, Finn feels guilty and confesses to Flame Princess. PeeBee felt immensely betrayed and saddened by the whole ordeal. Again, Flame Princess grew up in an extremely sheltered upbringing. This was her very first relationship. Finn was the very first person she was able to trust fully. She too had placed him on a pedestal. He was the paragon of goodness in her mind. And here he was manipulating her and her trust. Finn's wet dream seemed to manifest because of the lack of physical intimacy with Flame Princess and with the bonus that he was a growing hormonal teenager. His selfishness on the other hand was a lack of maturity. It's a mistake that is part of growing up. And sadly, it was at the expense of another person. But Finn doesn't understand this right away. Right after he breaks Flame Princess' heart, he apologizes and expects Flame Princess to come running back. I said I was sorry. Finn doesn't understand that sorry isn't just a magic word that solves everything. Finn made her feel like she could overcome her nature. He then manipulated her naivety and her trust and said really hurtful things about her already existing insecurities. All to make himself feel good. And it breaks the girl's heart, honestly. Now this could have happened because of his unresolved feelings towards Bubblegum. Maybe Finn felt as though Bubblegum manipulated him and his emotions.  And Finn might have replicated that same behavior that was used against him. Finn then tries to get over the breakup with F.P. by trying his hand at Princess Bubblegum again, into old. As frustrating as this episode was to watch, I think it was a smart decision for Finn's character to not immediately undergo a massive mental transformation after Frost and Fire. Finn is still a child. And so it's so realistic for him to seek instant gratification right after he hurts Flame Princess to take his mind off of what he'd done. After another rejection by Princess Bubblegum, here Finn decides not that he should perhaps leave relationships alone for a bit, or accept and reflect on what he did. But after that, he selfishly wants to go back to Flame Princess. Because he is chasing what makes him feel good. People, and especially not kids, don't automatically learn from their mistakes. It sometimes takes a few setbacks, a few mistakes, for lessons to be finally learned. And for Finn this was accurate. Because he goes back to Flame Princess in Earth and Water, expecting that his second apology would solve everything. And instead he gets rejected by Phoebe for the final time. Here Finn finally learns that his actions have consequences. And reflection for the human ensues. He learns how delicate and how fragile love truly is. And these interactions would shape the person that he would become. After this, Finn battles the Lich. He meets his father and is then thoroughly disappointed by the man. And he loses his arm, all in a rather brief time span. This whole ordeal created unique emotions for Finn. In the tower, Finn grows a telekinetic arm because of all that emotional turmoil. And he is hell bent on getting revenge on his father. So when Breezy rolls around, Finn becomes emotionally withdrawn on all fronts. On the topic of love, he has become apprehensive. He's experienced romantic love with Flame Princess, but he also hurts someone he loved. And he doesn't want to hurt anyone again. He's been through a slew of rejections in his love life. Add on everything else that has happened. And Finn just feels nothing. And so the doctor and Breezy orders him to have fun. Finn believes that smooching with princesses will make him feel something again. He is searching for things to fill the emotional and the physical void. And Finn separates the two. Finn doesn't take any time to connect emotionally to any of these princesses. He believes that these superficial physical relationships will heal him. At one point early on, he was desperate for this intimacy with Flame Princess notably. But a deeper emotional attachment prefaced it. By foregoing that part of it, Finn doesn't find what he's truly looking for. Despite being with all of these princesses, it's only when Breezy, whom Finn hallucinates as being Princess Bubblegum, needs her dutiful hero, is when he's finally taken out of his depressive state and his arm grows back. In the song Lost in the Darkness, Princess Bubblegum sings, imploring her hero to let love be his guide. In that hallucination, Finn remembers the love he has for Princess Bubblegum. I think it's the same love that he has for Jake, for Marceline, for all of his friends. It's that love that has made Finn into the hero that he is. It's that love that has brought him happiness. Love, not lust for these princesses and not revenge against his father or whoever. Love and compassion have always been Finn's greatest compass. Until flute spell, romantic love had taken a backseat in Finn's life, and he'd kind of attempted to push it out of his life, given his history. Though he has feelings for Huntress Wizard in this episode, he proceeds with caution this time. Hoping for Huntress Wizard to take the lead on things, as he has been burned more than once, no pun intended, whenever he tried to rush into things. Fearing potential heartbreak, Finn kept his emotions hidden until Jake could get the hero to be honest with himself and with Huntress Wizard. Closer to the end of the episode, Huntress Wizard admits her feelings for Finn, but is unwilling to act on them. She says, quote, Huntress Wizard believes that she and Finn are something greater than ordinary, and that love is just not in their future. It's interesting that Finn agrees, but it's not surprising. Romantic love has failed the hero time and again, and through those times, he's often put love over his greater duty. Finn, after everything that has happened to him, wants to fully dedicate himself to heroics and to his role, and he might believe that his feelings have impeded that, leaving him depressed or confused, but his sword would never. Finn might genuinely believe that fate will not allow him to love, because he is exceptional, a human in a land without any left. It's a way for him to cope with the fact that he has been unsuccessful with love, and to cope with the fact that he ultimately fears hurting another and being hurt. Jake is quick to call that whole idea dumb. Uh, that's real dumb. The dog at the end of the day is listening to two kids talk about how they will never know love, because love will impede them from achieving their goals, or it'll harm their true purpose. They will never know love because they fear becoming soft. But Jake is married, Jake has children. He is aware of the wonderful privilege it is to be soft with someone, the privilege to know somebody at their core, at their most honest, and even more to be known and to be seen in his most vulnerable state. That's why he is so adamant on finding somebody cool for Finn. The Wild Hunt takes place a season after Flute Spell, and it seems like in this episode there's some unset agreement that maybe they should hold space for each other, but that maybe it's a necessity to be vulnerable or to be with others, even if it's in a different capacity. Whatever it is, the two of them have come to an agreement that their feelings are not simply to be cast aside and forgotten out of fear of becoming soft. Though it's never explored, the two leave the door open for possibilities. It may be the lack of exploration for Finn and Huntress Wizard is proof that Finn can have a normal relationship without it being the crux of who he is and without it taking over his entire life, thus turning him from an exceptional beast to a normal person. Whatever the case may be, we never see Finn actually succeed in this department. Together again doesn't exactly tell us what happened in the romantic department of Finn's life, but Finn himself does say that he was really only at his happiest, at his most fulfilled, when he was alongside Jake. Deep down, I just kept waiting for the day I'd finally see you again. That, more than any other relationship, brought him all the companionship and all the love that he ever really needed. And the message here is that that is perfectly okay too. Adventure Time's ambiguity is one of its strongest elements. So again, maybe Finn does end up meeting someone and has a future with them, but from what we know, this show has always emphasized a few things. Friends, family and community. And it emphasizes that these things deserve to be valued just as much as any other form of love. And I think all of these experiences helped him realize that. In a world where no one could truly understand him, there was one person who could in the end. Jake was always someone he could rely on and come back to, even in his darkest hour. Their love would lead to their reincarnation as brothers and best friends in the next life and all the ones after that too. And even in this life, Finn and Jake as we know them might even be just another reincarnation of another pair of best friends and brothers. At the end of this series, he's still happy and fulfilled and content. Being a hero is what truly drives him. And he's found a community that has kept him going. His friends. Jake has watched Finn grow up, literally. He's watched him mature.  He's seen Finn agonize over the death of Fern. He's seen him seek revenge over his father. And he's also seen Finn break Flame Princess's heart. Jake has been there every step of the way and most of all, Jake has always been willing to give Finn space to make his mistakes. And he would defend his brother and stand up for him when he needed it the most. Through ten seasons, Jake was always there to uplift him in his worst moments and applaud him when he grew into the person and into the hero that he was meant to be by the end of the series.  The two always made sure to appreciate each other in the moments that they were having so much fun. Of course, I was a little bummed out to find out that Finn doesn't end up with anybody. But together again cemented the core, the foundation of what made for me an adventure time such a memorable show. And it never really was romantic love. Of course, Princess Bubblegum and Marceline and Simon and Betty were all amazing parts of this show. But the core of adventure time is friendship. Most of the time we see Princess Bubblegum and Marceline, the two are friends. The love that they give him, the love that Jake gives him, that matters too. It's Princess Bubblegum's love as a friend that saves him. To me, the whole series is the extent to which friends are willing to go to help each other. Friendship is the driving force of this story. Friendships that can last lifetimes and can even transcend them. We always hear of this idea of platonic soul mates. But in adventure time, you can feel it. It permeates throughout every single episode. When you hear Finn and together again talk about how he was content with his life but deep down he was just waiting for the day to finally see Jake again. And when you see him scour nearly 50 dead worlds to find his best friend, then you kind of understand what a platonic soul mate looks like. You understand that romantic love was important for Finn, but friendship, that is the crux of his character.


The former Bemidji Middle School assistant principal charged with describing sexual conduct with minors on social media accounts pleaded not guilty in court today. As Mal Meyer reports, while Brandon Bjorkness' position within the school district has ended, his legal battle has just begun. Before his uncontested omnibus hearing, 34-year-old Brandon Bjorkness declined to comment on the charges against him. During the hearing, Bjorkness pleaded not guilty to the two felony charges of engaging or relating sexual conduct with a child. This means the case will now head to trial. Any comment on this going to trial at all? Yeah, yeah, let's start with the fact that he's presumed innocent, okay? There's more to this story than you reported. Let's leave it at that, okay? His attorney Peter Wald declined to elaborate. Wald has represented other notable cases, including allegations of sexual assault against former Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson and inappropriate conduct by a Minneapolis archbishop. In an email with Lakeland News, Beltrami County Attorney Chief Assistant David Frank confirms that while the investigation is still ongoing that he anticipates more charges with different victims in separate behavioral incidents. But Bjorkness will no longer be employed by the district as the investigation continues. Since the charges were brought against Bjorkness on March 24th, the district had put him on administrative leave. During the Bemidji School District meeting tonight, the board quietly accepted his resignation. Oh, I would like to hear a motion please of the to approve the agenda. I'll make that motion. Thank you in a second. Thank you. The district says that the current substitute will likely fill that position until the end of the year. During this spring, we will advertise that position and we'll have a search for a replacement. In Bemidji, I'm Mal Meyer, Lakeland News. A pretrial hearing at the Beltrami County Courthouse is set for May 17th. A three day trial is tentatively set to begin the next week on May 22nd. If you've enjoyed this segment of Lakeland News, please consider making a tax deductible contribution to Lakeland Public Television.


Okay, so let's draw the mechanism of this more difficult reaction, right? So in this organic reaction, just like all organic reactions, what type of molecules do we have that? Nucleophile and electrophile. Nucleophile and electrophile. Everybody can answer if you want. You don't have to be shy. So which one of these is the nucleophile and which one is the electrophile? Yeah, the nitrogen. In fact, nitrogens with lone pairs are often good nucleophiles. So that kind of brings up a good point. This is a nucleophile. So what do nucleophiles do? They do what? They attack a positive charge. So they attack. They don't usually take anything unless it's a proton. That's the only time they take anything. I think we've talked about that. So make sure you remember that. Nucleophiles like to attack positive charges. Where are the two? I gave it away, but where are the positive charges over here? Help me box them in. With that, we're not going to draw any resonance structures. So what do we call that? The carbonyl carbon. And the beta carbon. And the beta carbon of the alpha, beta, and saturated carbonyl. Very good. Which one of these... If that's the nucleophile, this molecule must be the what? Electrophile. And where does this molecule, the nucleophile, attack the electrophile? Is it at this carbon? No, it's at the other one. So I'm going to erase these little green boxes. Since we know now.  Okay, guys? It's good. Okay. So where will we start our arrow from? We have an hydrogen, right? The hydrogen lone pair. And where do we go to? The beta carbon. The beta carbon, like that. What an arrow. Is that it? What else do we do? We have to show that arrow moving in between the two carbons. Okay? We show it to here. That's wrong. Or if we show it to here, that's just saying we put the lone pair there. Okay? Is that all we ought to do? We still got to do one more thing, right? So that's your first three steps. First three arrow mechanisms. Notice how there's an electron flow going from the nucleophile to the final negative charge. Okay? So remember, something has to push the electrons to make them get going. In this case, the nucleophile is already reactive, right? It's going to react with that beta carbon and knock those electrons up to the electronegative oxygen. Yes? You mentioned before that the carbonyl would have a positive and then the beta would have a positive. If there is no double bond there, does that rule still apply? Does that only affect the null? It does not apply anymore, right? So if you have a non-alpha beta unsaturated, the beta carbon here is not electrophilic. Yeah, not electrophilic. Just this carbonyl. Alpha carbon is the carbonyl. The alpha carbon would be this carbon here. That's the alpha carbon. The carbonyl is where we're referencing them all from. So alpha means one away from that functional group. The beta means two away. It's the Greek alphabet. So the alpha carbon is the only way from the functional group? Uh huh, yeah. So oftentimes another functional group you'll hear about a lot. It's kind of a more advanced functional group where you've got the alkene and an alpha beta arrangement next to a carbonyl. We call that an alpha beta unsaturated carbonyl. It's electrophilic as well. In this particular problem it is the electrophilic carbon. It's the one that the nucleophile is attacking. It's not always the electrophilic. It's always electrophilic, but it doesn't always have to be the one that's reacted with. Okay? You could potentially imagine the carbonyl carbon being reacted with too. It's just we had a product here that showed that it reacted with beta carbon. Any other questions? Okay, wonderful.


Hello, I'm Tracy Dean from the U.S. Army Research Laboratory, and this is 2017 year in review. This year, Army scientists and engineers made discoveries, came up with innovative solutions in transition technologies so that American soldiers could gain the decisive edge on the battlefields of the future. Let's take a look at what happened at the laboratory this year. 2017 started out with a visit from Dr. William Roper, Director of the DOD Strategic Capabilities Office and members of his staff, as they came to Aberdeen Proving Ground, Maryland, January 10th to see the Joint Tactical Aerial Resupply Vehicle, or JTAR. Also known as the Hoverbike, the vehicle may one day make it possible for soldiers on the battlefield to order resupply and then receive those supplies rapidly. Also in January, the Defense Science Board visited the laboratory and came away impressed. So the feedback we got was absolutely exceptional. I think overall the Defense Science Board for their study found that the Defense Research Labs are characterized by high quality science, technology transition, as well as acquisition. And from their standpoint, Arrow's Open Campus Initiative, where we're working with academia and industry to develop close collaborations and focus the broader S&T community on challenges associated with the Defense Department and the Army, was an exemplar for the rest of the Defense Department. The lab also sought new partnerships at the Advanced Planning Briefing to Industry, January 31st at APG. The notion here, again, if you think about this from an open campus perspective, it's all about proximity. So anyone who has a passion, desire to want to work on the problem sets that are most interesting to the Army of the future, you can co-locate here. This is a very, very powerful way to just be very close to what's going on and then you can just walk across the campus, use our clean room facilities, use our processing facilities, collaborate with our scientists. In March, the lab hosted its program formulation meeting at the Millette Training Center at APG in hopes of building bridges with stakeholders and gathering feedback to influence the future of Army research. Then acting director, Dr. Philip Percanti, unveiled the nine essential research areas that he said the laboratory must address to support the Army of 2050. I don't think it should be any surprise to anybody really about some of the things that we're considering to be essential research areas. Your help in this is vitally important to really critique what we're doing, what our plans are and where we're going to go together in the future, hopefully, to address these essential research areas. The laboratory also joined forces with industry and universities to develop, design and acquire the next generation of crash test dummies to make soldiers safer. ARL's Joyce Conant filed this report. Keeping soldiers safe is a top priority for vehicle engineers. Army researchers partnered with industry and academia to develop the next generation crash test dummy. Together they designed a new device that will save lives. The mannequin reacts more like a human when an impact or blast comes from underneath the vehicle. Researchers from the U.S. Army Research Laboratory and the Tank Automotive Research Development and Engineering Center and industry partner DTS commemorated the delivery of four new mannequins in a ceremony July 19. Today's a significant day for Army Research Laboratories and U.S. Army Research Development Engineering Command because we are taking delivery of our first new generation of ATDs which are anthropomorphic test devices, human surrogate test devices that will be used in under blast testing. The Army's next generation crash test dummy has many advantages over past models developed by the automotive industry. Advanced sensors give high resolution data to open new insights into vehicle design. And so within our lab we use these crash test dummies or ATDs to give us a sense of what would actually happen if a person were in an under body blast type event in a simulated lab environment. What we do is evaluate vehicles and vehicle technologies for occupant protection. Following the ceremony the team along with university partners received hands-on training for the new devices all as part of the Warrior Injury Assessment Mannequin or We-A-Man program. The We-A-Man engineering office has done a really phenomenal job of really developing a science and technology initiative and really producing a prototype of a technology that soldiers really need. Officials said the delivery of the new test mannequin wouldn't have been possible without industry partners. So it's been significant for us. We have a history of working in safety research but for this now to expand into the military role and particularly the U.S. military. It's been a significant honor and challenge and it's been very rewarding. The Army hopes to acquire at least 10 fieldable prototypes by next year. The system is going to allow us to really know what's going on inside these vehicles so we can bring our soldiers home safe. In Novi, Michigan, Joyce Conant, ARL TV. In 2017, we saw the culmination of a nearly 10-year effort looking at the future of micro-robotics. ARL's David McNally had this report. Researchers from industry and universities across the nation have rallied around a collaborative technology alliance with the U.S. Army Research Laboratory since 2008. A research program called Micro Autonomous Systems and Technology or MAST came to its conclusion during a capstone event at Aberdeen Proving Ground, Maryland. Teams of researchers gave 17 live demonstrations of the technologies they've been working on. The University of Pennsylvania showcased a group of autonomous quadcopters that self-organize into formations. Officials said technology has advanced dramatically during the life of the program. I think there's still a long way to go to get them to be able to do all of the behaviors we want and any type of environment that we want. I think there's certain areas that I think we've really pushed the bar and moved the state of the art. And that's in scaling things down to be able to do autonomous behaviors and something that fits in the size of your hand. Bykarski has been with the program since its inception and has managed the alliance of Army, Industry and University researchers since 2012. One way I'm a little sad to see it end and another way I'm really excited because I think we've really pushed the boundaries of the state of the art over the 10 years. When the program started, the laboratory had several objectives. Scientists wanted to understand the fundamental technologies that would enable autonomous micro-robots to work together. So some things I think have matured quite a bit and other things I think we're still scratching the surface on. There's been a lot of discovery and innovation, proof of concept type things. Would be another area where I think you know we've done a lot of innovation and technology development. I am absolutely certain this technology will help the soldiers of the future. We have created advances in, well, everything. I mean there's new platforms, there's new algorithms, there's new sensors. Not all of this will be ready next year or even in the next five years, but we have absolutely advanced technology. We are making an impact right now. Masks started as a five-year research alliance which extended to 10 years and brought together 19 partners from industry and academia. Lead Defense Contractor BAE Systems worked with the Jet Propulsion Laboratory on Microsystems Integration. The University of Michigan worked on micro-electronics while the University of Maryland focused on microsystem mechanics. The University of Pennsylvania targeted processing for autonomous operations. And now we really need to work with our stakeholders and our partners to take it to the next level, to take the technology and the concepts that we've demonstrated in the program, work those into engineered prototypes that we can actually put in the hands of the soldier and put into the field. The Army recently announced its next focus area for a collaborative technology alliance to be known as Distributed Collaborative Intelligence Systems and Technology or DSIS. It's really about high numbers of systems, heterogeneous in nature. So you think of it as air ground, large, small soldiers in the loop. How do we do distributed intelligence? And then once we have that decision making, how do we get the information back out? Researchers said the next program will not be without challenges. So you have small individual robots and you have instrumented humvees and you have a person and you maybe have tens or hundreds or thousands of any of these things. How do they work together? How do you deal with attrition? How do they talk to each other? How does a fully instrumented humvee talk to a tiny robot talk to a person? This is not a simple problem. This is an incredibly difficult, exciting program. Dr. Brian Sadler, the Army's senior research scientist for intelligent systems, said he is optimistic about the future. The convergence of technology that we're witnessing now and as we propel it forward is going to be a dramatic lifesaver and game changer in terms of the way we operate tactically. We're now seeing a wave of commercialization in this space, but it's going to change the way we do business. In 2017, ARL researchers also received the Secretary of the Army Environmental Award. It does matter, folks. Don't ever think that it doesn't, no matter if you think it's small or large or major or not. In fact, not only have you guys walked away with the Secretary of the Army of recognition, you also won at the Secretary of Defense level. In June, the Honorable Robert M. Spear, the Acting Secretary of the Army, and Sergeant Major of the Army, Daniel A. Daly, visited with scientists and engineers from the Army Research Office at Research Triangle Park in Durham, North Carolina. So it's great to see the excitement and the results and or the thought processes going on. So I wanted to come down here at least on the way. Thank you guys and let you know it's appreciated. At the U.S. Army Research Laboratory, our mantra is, Discover, Innovate, and Transition. This year, Army researchers unexpectedly observed a reaction between an aluminum nanopowder and water that may have future implications for hydrogen fuel cells. David McNally filed this report. Army scientists add a newly engineered nanopowder with urine and observe unexpected results. Hydrogen releases from the urine at a fast and furious rate. As an Army scientist, we try to develop new materials and technologies that will benefit, particularly the soldier in the field. The research team announced earlier this summer that a nano-galvanic aluminum-based powder they were developing produced pure hydrogen when coming into contact with water. The researchers then observed a similar reaction when adding their powder to any liquid-containing water. This powder, which we have discovered, reacts very fast with water to produce hydrogen. There's both scientists and engineers at the lab. The engineers, you know, there's a lot of problems that come in, engineering problems that we are just adapting to and trying to overcome. The scientists here are the ones that do the pie-in-the-sky research and where the real discoveries are made. For soldiers in austere environments, there are many precious commodities, but power and energy is increasingly important to run communications and electronic skier. And urine is usually not in short supply. When we demonstrated it with urine, we saw almost a factor of two-fold increase in the reaction rates. And so in some ways we're all very excited because it opens it up for additional potential applications that the rates are so fast and so efficient. The team is still investigating why urine causes a faster reaction, but it may have something to do with the electrolytes and the acidity of the liquid, they said. I'm excited about it because it was sort of a spontaneous finding. We weren't expecting to develop this material specifically for hydrogen production, and it was a group effort. In a statement, the laboratory director, Dr. Philip Percanti, said it may find great utility for forward-deployed troops who need a compact and lightweight energy source. We've had an overwhelming response to at least the initial video that we released, and we've been having industry partners, multiple industry partners contact us, inquiring about potential licensing. We've had numerous universities contact us. Army partners have also reached out to us. In the coming months, the team will continue to investigate and push the limits of the discovery to try and understand its implications. Following the path of the Open Campus Initiative, researchers continue to seek more collaboration with industry. In August, a team of ARL Aerospace Engineers toured an aviation factory in Manassas, Virginia. Aurora Flight Sciences is focused on the development and manufacturing of advanced unmanned systems in aerospace vehicles. So in addition to its very innovative, unique design, it has several subsystem technologies that in themselves would lead to huge performance gains, or even for traditional autographs. Laboratory officials indicated they were interested in pursuing a collaborative research and development agreement with the company, which has also done extensive work for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA. Also this year, the Warrior Web Program funded by DARPA came to an end. However, Army researchers hoped to find future collaborators to expand on its potential. Joyce Conant had this report. Future soldiers may march longer, carry heavier gear, and be more mentally sharp thanks to DOD-funded research into what's known as the Warrior Web Program. An example of where this might benefit a soldier would be if they're doing a very long duration, physically demanding task, where they require a lot of endurance. By having a suit that is providing physical assistance, they're able to maintain their level of physical performance over a much longer duration. The suit has pulleys and gears designed to prevent and reduce injuries caused by dynamic events typically found in the warfighter's environment. These physical augmentation technologies have the ability to provide just a reduced physical workload during the very high demand tasks that these soldiers do. Scientists and engineers from the U.S. Army Research Laboratory have been testing variations of the suit for more than three years at the Soldier Performance and Equipment Advanced Research or SPIR Facility at Aberdeen Proving Ground. I think longer term the systems have benefits to be integrated into larger soldier systems and it can be integrated with other systems, other capabilities to provide a marked advantage for our soldiers and warfighters in the future. The project, funded by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, CORDOPPA, has many partner organizations across the DOD and academia. What we're trying to do is look at a way to collaborate in the final phase of this program to prevent the program from closing as a DOD program that we can keep it going in a multiply beneficial way for the Army and the services. Research has tested the same group of soldiers in April and again in June with and without the suit and gathered massive amounts of data. We have an indoor lab capability where we can instrument up the soldiers and keep them in an environment where you can just get pure data in things like treadmills, motion capture and be able to analyze everything in the lab. Officials are still discussing the path forward. I think at least another good five to ten years to be ready for the infantry soldier. The lab held an open house in October to further solidify outreach efforts. David McNally had this report. The U.S. Army Research Laboratory kicked off a two-day open house by hosting more than 400 representatives from industry and academia to foster future partnerships. It's really about putting us, all of us, this community at the center of a network and forming an ecosystem that allows us to partner in a brand new way. This is the fourth year the laboratory has opened its doors to potential research partners with its open campus open house. The Open Campus Initiative is a business model for building an integrated work environment with academia, industry and government by fueling innovation through joint research and development. Access to the community is really what brings us all together and that's the way we like to see it. It's a community of science, technology and engineering focused on Army specific problems. ARL officials said the approach has led to a streamlined process for developing cooperative research and development agreements, or CRATAS, the business framework for creating partnerships with the federal government. ARL has facilities across the nation. In recent years, the laboratory has expanded its reach by establishing satellite locations in California and Texas. During the open house, the laboratory announced a new satellite location in Illinois. The Army's Corporate Laboratory also has a presence in Orlando, Florida, White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico, Research Triangle Park in North Carolina and two sites in Maryland. But this is really key, right? Again, it's proximity that I think breeds trust. It's trust that breeds true partnership. It's true partnership that leads to true collaboration and that's really what we're after. Major General Cedric T. Wins, U.S. Army Research Development and Engineering Command Commanding General said the open campus initiative allows Army researchers to be successful in their endeavors. You have to continue to be forward thinking, forward looking and being forward thinking and forward looking is done through partnerships, partnerships with folks in academia, folks in industry and folks in other governmental agencies. The official from the U.S. Army Training and Doctrine Command, or TRADOC, gave the keynote address October 18 at APG's Millet Training Facility. Ricky E. Smith, Army Capabilities Integration Center Senior Professional for Capabilities Development, told the audience that the Army needs partners in technology to modernize but that there may be a cultural issue with the adoption of robotics. I like to turn to my infantry friends and say, hey, your survival depends and your protection depends on that robotic wingman, that machine over there. They're not real comfortable with that. But if I said, I'll bring your bullets, I'll bring your food that way, they're okay with that. So maybe the way we get through the cultural divide is through the sustainment side as opposed to the maneuver side. We'll see how that goes. Robotics is just one area researchers are exploring. The laboratory has nine essential research areas which cover a broad spectrum of future technology challenges. U.S. Senator Chris Van Hollen gave the keynote address October 19. I'm really excited about the possibilities that this gathering represents. When you look at the things that have been done at the Army Research Lab, it sometimes seems like science fiction. This is the kind of stuff that George Lucas told us would be coming in Star Wars movies and yet it's happening right here at the Army Research Lab and their partners who are bringing these innovations to soldiers and Marines today. The October announcement of ARL Central was followed by a ribbon cutting ceremony in Chicago November 10 attended by the then acting secretary of the Army, Ryan McCarthy, U.S. Senator Dick Durbin, Chicago Mayor Rami manual and the new partners from academia and industry. It's very unique in that the way we're going to have be very collaborative and bring all of the academic institutions to bear. So exciting times ahead and it will be a force multiplier for already e-commerce we proceed. Officials said the new regional partnership would broaden access to technology innovations from the Midwest. So ARL Central, that's the third extension that we've opened so far. We're really starting to fill in the ecosystem across the country now for all of our extensions. ARL Central is mostly about the work we're going to do in the Internet of Battlefield Things. It's about the work we're going to do in material science at the dynamic compression sector at Argonne laboratories and perhaps it's about some work we're going to do in quantum information sciences. But it really completes the picture and allows us to extend our reach into the central part of the country. So coupled with ARL West, ARL South, and the soon to be established ARL Northeast, we'll have ARL locations nationally. The laboratory also got some key personnel announcements during the year. Dr. Philip Percanti was named ARL Director. Dr. Jeffrey Zabinski officially took the helm of ARL's Weapons and Materials Research Directorate. Dr. Jarrett Riddick assumed leadership at the lab's Vehicle Technology Directorate. And Cindy Badell will soon join the Senior Executive Service and become Director of the Computational Information Sciences Directorate. Oh, I'm very excited about the team we have in place now. It's been a long time since we've had all of our directors in place. We're very successful this year in getting permanent position for CISD, permanent position for the ARL Director, which I personally am very excited about. And soon we'll have permanent positions in ATRED and within SED. So I suspect within the next three to four months, the entire ARL leadership team will be formed. I forgot to mention one other very important person. We've got our leadership in place in WMRD as well, Dr. Zabinski. So the whole group now is going to come together. And I think this group in particular is focused on the future and focused on outcomes for the Army. And that's exactly where we want to take ARL for the future. We also said farewell to Dr. Laurel Allender, Director of ARL's Human Research and Engineering Directorate, as she retired this year from federal service after a distinguished career. ARL also appointed a new Senior Research Scientist for Intelligent Systems, Dr. Brian Sattler, and Dr. Alexander Cott assumed his role as ARL's Chief Scientist. The high point of the year, though, was the celebration of the 25th anniversary of the Army Research Laboratory. Officially formed in 1992, ARL has become the nation's premier laboratory for land warfare. ARL 25, what a great year it's been. A real celebration of the folks that are here today and, more importantly, a celebration for those that have come before us. From an S&T perspective, we have the benefit of all the great work that ARL staffers who have contributed to the Army's mission have given us. And it's really our job now to take their legacy of important research and deliver it to the future Army. The laboratory honored its valued employees with the 2017 ARL Honorary Awards that officials presented at the 25th anniversary gala. Here's a look at this year's winners. With celebrations and observances like the burying of a time capsule to be opened in the year 2067, tours of ARL alumni, and an ARL 25 gala, employees took notice of the lab's heritage and significance. The big question for us for 2018 is where ARL will align with regard to the new Army Modernization of Futures Command. That study is underway right now, and in about two months, we should know the answer. Of course, then the question will be, how do we best position the research that ARL does for our warfighters within that Modernization Command? The other thing the Army's done is stood up what they call cross-functional teams. ARL plays a very significant part in some of those cross-functional teams for the future and how we position our technology in those cross-functional teams will be especially important. So for us, the future is a little bit uncertain, but very, very exciting because it gives ARL an opportunity to take the technology that we've been working on for so long and get it accelerated and into the hands of warfighters very, very fast. And that's the idea is to focus on outcomes, to focus on the future of the Army from a warfighting capability point of view, and to position ARL so that owns the white space. All of that unknown information about S&T and the new capabilities for the Army for the future, those are the things that we're going to focus on next year. As we look forward to the next year, we also take time out to reflect on our accomplishments, our co-workers, and our mission to discover, innovate, and transition science and technology to ensure dominant strategic land power. From all of us at ARL, I'm Tracy Dean wishing you a happy holiday and the very best in 2018.