How babes in the wood showed they couldn't be beaten. A man of kind and noble mind was each Gustavus hide, to be amiss to add to this at present for he died, in full possession of his senses the day before my tale commences. One half his gold as four-year-olds on Paul was known to win, and Beatrix, whose age was six, for all the rest came in, perceiving which their uncle Ben did a thing, the people said, was blended. For by the hand he took them, and remarked an accent smooth, one thing I ask, be mine the task, these stricken babes to soothe. My country home is really charming, I'll teach them all the joys of farming. On Halcyon week they fished his creek, and watched him do the chores. In hale-offs hid and shouting slid down sloping cellar doors. Because his life to bliss was equal, the more distressing is the sequel. Concealing guile beneath a smile he took them to a wood, and with severe and most austere injunctions to be good, he left them seated on the gateway, and took his own departures straightway. Though much afraid the children stayed from ten till nearly eight. At times they wept, at times they slept, but never left the gate, until the swift suspicion crossed them that Uncle Benjamin had lost them. Then quite unnerved, young Paul observed, it's like a dreadful dream, and Uncle Ben has fallen ten percent in my esteem. That only did he first usurp us, but now he's left us here on purpose. For countless years their childish fears have made the reader pale. For countless years the public's tears have started at the tail. For countless years much detestation has been expressed for their relation. So draw a veil across the dale, where stood that ghastly gate? No need to tell, you know full well what was their touching fate, and how with leaves each little dead breast was covered by a robin red breast. But when they found them on the ground, although their life had ceased, quite near to Paul there lay a small white paper neatly creased. Because of lack of any merit, behind it ran, we'd disinherit. The moral, if you deeply long to punish one who's done you wrong, though in your lifetime fail you may, where there's a will, there is a way. The End How fair Cinderella disposed of her shoe, by Guy Wetmore Carroll, read for Libravox by Patrick Barringer. The Venus girls in forty states were Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates. They warbled slightly off-the-air romantic German songs, and each of them upon her hair employed the curling tongs. And each with ardor most intense her buxom figure laced, until her willful want of sense procured a woeful waist. For bound to married titled mates were Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates. Yet truth to tell the swan's refue of Gwendolyn and Gladys too. So morning, afternoon, and night upon their sister they were want to vent their selfish spite, and in the rudest way. For though her name was Leonor, that's neither there nor here, they called her Cinderella for the kitchen was her sphere, save when she had the hair to do of Gwendolyn and Gladys too. Each night to dance as into fates went Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates, and Cinderella watched them go and silks and satins clad, and Prince invited them, and so they put on all they had. But one fine night, as all alone, she watched the flames leap higher, a small and stooping fairy-crone slipped nimbly from the fire. She said, the pride upon me grates of Gwendolyn and Gladys Gates. I'll now, she added with a frown, call Gwendolyn and Gladys down. And air your fingers you could snap, there stood before the door, no paltry hired horse-and-trap, oh no, a coach and four. And Cinderella fitted out regardless of expense, made both her sisters look about like thirty-seven cents. And Prince, with one look at her gown, turned Gwendolyn and Gladys down. Wall flowers, when thus compared with her, both Gwendolyn and Gladys were. The Prince, but gave them glances hard, no gracious word he said. He scratched their names off from his card, and wrote hers down instead. And where he would bestow his hand, he showed them in her trice, by handing her the kisses and, to each of them, an ice. And sudden need of fire and fur, both Gwendolyn and Gladys were. At ten o'clock, in discontent, both Gwendolyn and Gladys went. Their sisters stayed till after two, and with a joy sincere. Their Prince obtained her crystal shoe by way of souvenir. Upon the bridal path he cried, we'll reign together since, I love you, you must be my bride, he was no slouch, that Prince. And to sudden languishment, both Gwendolyn and Gladys went. The moral, all the girls on earth exaggerate their proper worth. They think the very shoes they wear are worth the average millionaire, whereas few pairs in any town can be half sold for half a crown. The end. How Little Red Riding Hood came to be eaten, by Guy Whatmore Carroll, recorded for LibriVox by Patrick Beringer. Most worthy of praise were the virtuous ways of Little Red Riding Hood's maw, and no one was ever more cautious and clever than Little Red Riding Hood's paw. They never misled, for they meant what they said, and would frequently say what they meant, and the ways she should go they were careful to show, and the way that they showed her she went. For obedience she was effusively thanked, and for anything else she was carefully spanked. It thus isn't strange that Red Riding Hood's range of virtues so subtly grew, as soon she won prizes of different sizes, and golden and comiums too. As a general rule she was head of her school, and at six was so notably smart, that they gave her a check for reciting the rec of Asperces, holy by heart. And you all will applaud her the more, I am sure, when I add that this money she gave to the poor. At eleven this last had a Sunday school class, at twelve wrote a volume of verse. At thirteen was yearning for glory and learning, to be a professional nurse. To a glorious height this young paragon might have grown, if not nipped in the bud. But the following year struck her smiling career with a dull and a sickening thud. I have shed a great tear at the thought of her pain, and must copy my manuscript over again. Not dreaming of harm, one day on her arm, a basket she hung, it was filled, with jellies and ices and gruel and spices, and chicken legs carefully grilled. In a savoury stew, and a novel or two, she'd persuaded a neighbor to loan, and a hot water can, and a Japanese fan, and a bottle of Ode to Cologne. And the rest of the things that your family fill your room with, whenever you chance to be ill. She expected to find her decrypt-up-a-kind old grandmother waiting her call. But the visage that met her completely upset her. It wasn't familiar at all. With a whitening cheek she started to speak, but her peril she instantly saw. Her grandma had fled, and she'd tackled instead four merciless paws in a maw. When the neighbors came running, the wolf was subdued. He was looking as chops, in Fred Riding Hood's too. At its terrible tale some readers will pale, and others, with horror, grow dumb. And yet it was better, I fear, he should get her, just think what she might have become. For an infant so keen might in future have been a woman of awful renown. Who carried on fights for her feminine rites is the mayor of an Arkansas town. She might have continued the crime of her teens, and come to reverse for the big magazines. The moral? There's nothing much glummer than children whose tail is appalled. One much prefers those who are dumber, but as for the paragons small. If a swallow cannot make a summer, it can bring on a summery fall. The End. How the fatuous wish of a peasant came true. By Guy Whatmore Carroll. Recorded for LibriVox by Patrick Beringer. An excellent peasant of character pleasant once lived in a hut with his wife.  His notions were all without reason or rhyme, such dullness in anyone else were a crime. But the folly pig-headed, to which he was wedded, was so deeply embedded it touched the sublime. He frequently stated such quite antiquated and singular doctrines as these. Do good unto others, all men are your brothers. Of course he forgot the Chinese. He said that all men were made equal and free. That's true if they're born on our side of the sea. The truth should be spoken, and pledge is unbroken. Now where by that token would most of us be? One day as his potage he ate in his cottage, a fairy stepped up to the door. Upon it she hammered, and meekly she stammered, a morsel of food I implore. He gave her sardines and a biscuit or two, and she said in reply when her luncheon was through, and returned for these dishes of bread and of fishes, the first of your wishes I'll make to come true. That nincompoop peasants accepted the present, as most of us probably would. And thinking her bounty to turn to account, he said, Now I'll do somebody good. I won't ask a thing for myself or my wife, but I'll make all my neighbors with happiness rife what ere their conditions henceforward physicians and in dispositions they're rid of for life. These words energetic, the fairy's prophetic announcement brought instantly true. With singular quickness each victim of sickness was made over better than new, and people who formerly thought they were doomed, with almost obstreperous healthiness bloomed, and each had some platitude teeming with gratitude for the new attitude life had assumed. Our friend's satisfaction concerning his action was keen but exceedingly brief. The wrathful condition of every physician in town was surpassing belief. All nurses were plunged in despair, and chemists shook passionate fists in the air. They called it his dwelling with violence swelling, his greeting repelling with arrogant stare. They beat and they battered, they slammed and they shattered, and did him a cheery as harm, but after their labours his wife told the neighbors they'd caused her excessive alarm. They then set to work on his various ills, implied him with liniments, powders, and pills, and charged him so dearly that all of them nearly made double their yearly amount of their bills. This moral, by the tale, is taught. The wish is fathered to the thought. We'd often time escape the worst if but the thinking part came first.  The reason, I should state, that it was destitute of joys was that they had a dozen boys to feed and educate, and nothing such patience demands as having twelve boys on your hands. For twenty years they tried their best to keep those urchins neatly dressed and teach them to be good. But so much labour it involved that in the end they both resolved to lose them in a wood, though nothing apparent a noise like heartlessly losing his boys. So when their sons had gone to bed, though bitter tears the couple shed, they laid their little plan. For bank s'as fasse, qu'on m'aime, the woman said. J'en suis-t-t-t-blème. S'accole, observe the man. Mais s'accoute que ses gosses fichoux, Bancroix faut qu'ils soient partout. Ah, I've quite admitted to explain that they were natives of terrain. I see I must translate. Of course it must be done, and still the wife remarked. It makes me ill. You bet, replied her mate, but we both of us counted the cost, and the kids simply have to be lost. But while they plotted every word, the youngest of the urchins heard and winked the other eye. His height was only two feet three, I might remark in passing. He was little, but oh, my! He added, I'd better keep mum. He was foxy, was hop-a-me-thum. They took the boys into the woods and lost them, as they said they should, and came in silence back. Alas for them hop-a-me-thum at every step had dropped a crumb, and so retraced the track. While the parents had mourning their fate, he led the boys in at the gate. He placed his hand upon his heart and said, You think you're awful smart, but I have foiled you thus. His parents humbly bent the knee and meekly said, H-O-M-T, you're one too much for us. And both of them solemnly swore, We won't never do so no more. The moral is, while I do not endeavour to condone the plot, I still maintain that one should have no chance of being foiled and having one's arrangement spoiled by one's ingenious son. If you turn down your children with pain, take care they don't turn up again. End of How Hop-a-Me-Thum Got Rid of an Onus Tale number six of Grim-Tales Made Gay This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Grim-Tales Made Gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll How the helpmate of Bluebeard made free with a door A maiden from the Bosphorus with eyes as bright as phosphorus, once wed the wealthy bailiff of the Caliph of Calat, though diligent and zealous he became a slave to jealousy, considering her beauty to us his duty to be that. When business would necessitate a journey he would hesitate, but fearing to disgust her he would trust her with his keys, remarking to her prayerfully, I beg you use them carefully, don't look what I deposit in the closet if you please. It may be mentioned casually that Bluebeard's lapis lazuli, he dyed his hair his lashes his moustaches and his beard, and just because he did it, aroused his wife's timidity, her terror she disempled, but she trembled when he neared. This feeling insalubrious soon made her most legubrious and bitterly she missed her elder sister Mary Ann. She asked if she might write her to, come down and spend a night or two, her husband answered rightly and pro-rightly, yes you con. Bluebeard the Monday following his jealous feeling swallowing packed all his clothes together in a leather-bound valise, and feigning reprehensibly he started out ostensibly by travelling to learn a bit of Smyrna and of Greece.  This damsel disobedient did something inexpedient, and in the keyhole tiny turned the shiny little key. Then started back impulsively and shor-ricked aloud convulsively, three heads of girls he'd wedded and beheaded met her eye, and turning round much terrified her darkest fears were verified, for Bluebeard stood behind her, come to find her on the sly. Perceiving she was fated to be soon decapitated to, she telegraphed her brothers and some others what she feared, and sister and looked out for them in readiness to shout for them whenever in the distance with assistance they appeared.  The Moral Wives we must allow who to their husbands will not bow, a stern and dreadful lesson learn when, as you've read, they're cut in turn. End of How the Helpmate of Bluebeard Made Free with a Door Tale number seven of Grim-Tales Made Gay This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Grim-Tales Made Gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll How Rumpelstilts held out in vain for a bonus In Germany there lived an Earl who had a charming niece and never gave the timid girl a single moment's peace. Whatever low and menial task is fancy flitted through, he did not hesitate to ask that shrinking child to do. I see with truly honest shame you are blushing and I do not blame you. A tale like this, the feeling softened and brings the tears as dues too often. She had to wash the windows and she had to scrub the floors. She had to lend a willing hand to fifty other chores. She gave the dog his exercise. She read the earl the news. She ironed all his evening ties and polished all his shoes. She cleaned the tins that filled the dairies. She cut the claws of the canary and then at night with manner winsome when coal was wanted carried in some.  He took her to a little room, her willingness to tax and pointed out a broken loom and half a ton of flax, observing spin six pairs of trousers. His haughty manners seemed to rouse hers. She met his scornful glances proudly and for an answer whistling loudly. But when the earl went down the stairs she yielded to her fears, gave way at last a grim despair and melted into tears. When suddenly from out the wall as if he felt at home there pounced a singularly small and much distorted gnome. He smiled a smile extremely vapid and set to work in fashion rapid. No time for resting he deducted and soon the trousers were constructed. The girl observed, how very nice to help me out this way. The gnome replied, a certain price of course you'll have to pay. I'll call tomorrow after noon my due reward to claim and then you'll sing another tune unless you guess my name. He indicated with a gesture a pile of newly fashioned vesture. His eyes on hers a moment centred and then he went as he had entered. As by this tale you have been grieved and heartily distressed. Kind sir, you will be much relieved to know his name she guessed. But if I do not tell the same, pre-count it's not a crime. I've tried my best and for the name I can't find any rhyme. Yet spare me from remarks injurious. I will not leave you foiled and furious if something must proclaim the answer and I cannot the title cancer. The moral is all said and done. There's nothing new beneath the sun. And many times before a title was incapacities requital. End of How Rumpelstilts held out in vain for a bonus. Tale number eight of GrimTales Made Gay. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. GrimTales Made Gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll. How Jack made the giants uncommonly sore. Of all the ill-fated boys ever created, young Jack was the wretchedest lad. An emphatic, erratic, dogmatic fanatic was foisted upon him as dad. From the time he could walk and before he could talk his weary sum-training began on a highly barbarian, disciplinary and nilly-tartarian plan. He taught him some rally and some of makale till all of Horatius he knew and the drastic, sarcastic, fantastic, scar-lastic Philippics of Junius, too. He made him learn lots of the poems of Watts and frequently said he ignored, on principle, any son's title to Benesons till he learned Tennyson's Maude. For these are the giants of thoughts and of science, he said in his positive way. So weigh them, obey them, display them and lay them to heart in your infancy's days. Jack made no reply, but he said on the sly an eloquent word that had come from a quite indefensible, most reprehensible but indispensable chum. By the time he was twenty Jack had such a plenty of books and paternal advice. Losidia needy. Indeed, he was greedy for vengeance, whatever the price. In the editor's seat of a critical sheet he found the revenge that he sought and, with sterling appliance of mind, wrote defiance of all of the giants of thought. He'd thunder and grumble at high and at humble until he became, in a while, mordacious, pugnacious, rapacious, good gracious. They called him the Yankee Carlile but he never took rest on his quarrelsome quest of the giants both mighty and small. He slated, distorted them, hanged them and quartered them till he had slaughtered them all. And this is the moral that lies in the verse. If you have a go-father, you're apt to fare worse. When you turn it around, it is different, rather. You're not apt to go worse if you have a fair father. End of Howe Jack Made the Giants Uncommonly Saw Tale nine of Grim-Tales Made Gay This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Grim-Tales Made Gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll How rudeness and kindness were justly rewarded. Once on a time, long years ago, just when I quite forget, two maidens lived beside the Poe, one blonde and one brunette. The blonde one's character was mild from morning until night she smiled, whereas the one whose hair was brown did little else than pine and frown. I think one ought to draw the line at girls who always frown and pine. The blonde one learned to play the harp, like all accomplished dames, and trained her voice to take C sharp, as well as Emma Ames, made baskets out of scented grass and paper weights of hammered brass and ends for gentlemen and lady-friends. I think it takes a deal of sense to manufacture gifts for gents. The dark one wore an air of gloom, proclaimed the world a bore, and took a breakfast in her room three mornings out of four. With crankiness she seemed imbued, and everything she said was rude. She sniffed and sneered, and what is more, when very much provoked, she swore. I think that I could never care for any girl who learned to swear. One day the blonde was striding past a forest all alone, when all at once her eyes she cast upon a wrinkled crone who tottered near with shaking knees and said, Penny, if you please, and you will learn with some surprise this was a fairy in disguise. I think it must be hard to know a fairy whose incognito. The maiden filled her trembling palms with coinage of the realm. The fairy said, Take back your arms, my heart they overwhelm. Henceforth at every word shall slip a pearl or ruby from your lip. And when the girl got home that night she found the fairy's words were right. I think there are not many girls whose words are worth their weight in pearls. It happened that the cross brunette ten minutes later came along the self-same road and met that bent and wrinkled dame who asked her humbly for a sue and the girl replied, Get out with you.  I think that nothing incomodes one speech like uninvited toads. And so it was the cheerful blonde lived on in joy unblissed and grouper cuneous beyond the dreams of avarice. And to a nice young man was wed and I have often heard it said no other man who ever walked most loved his wife when most she talked. I think this very fact forsooth goes far to prove I tell the truth.  I think nobody ever knew the happier husband of the two. The moral of the tale is Bah! Nous avons changé tout cela no clear idea I hope to strike of what your nicest girl is like but she whose best young man I am is not an oyster nor a clam end of how rudeness and kindness were justly rewarded. Tale 10 of Grim Tales Made Gay This is a LibriVox recording or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Grim Tales Made Gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll How Beauty Contrived to Get Square with the Beast Miss Gwynevere Platt was so beautiful that she couldn't remember the day when one of her swings hadn't taken the pains to send her a mammoth bouquet and the postman had found on the whole of his round that no one received such a lot of bulky epistles as, waiting his whistles, the beautiful Gwynevere got. A significant sign that her charm was divine was seen in society when the chaperone sniffed with the eyebrow's lift whatever's got into the men. There was always a man who was holding a fan and twenty that danced in details and a couple of mourners who brooded in corners and gnawed their mustaches and nails. John Jeremy Platt wouldn't stay in the flat for his beautiful daughter he missed. When he'd taken his tub he would he to his club and dally with poker or wist. At the end of a year it was perfectly clear that he'd never computed the cost for he hadn't a penny to settle the many ten thousands of dollars he'd lost. F. Ferdinand Fife was a student of life.   Miss Gwynevere Platt didn't hesitate at her duty's imperative call when they looked at the bride all the chaperones cried, she isn't so bad after all of the desolate men there was something like ten who took up political lives and the flower of the flock went and fell off a dock and the rest married hideous wives. But the beautiful wife of Ferdinand Fife was the wildest that ever was known. She'd grumble and glare till the man didn't care to say that his soul was his own. She sneered at his ills and quadrupled his bills and spent nearly twice what he earned. Her husband deserted and flibbled and flirted till Ferdinand's reason was turned. He repented too late and his terrible fate upon him so heavily sat that he swore at the day when he sat down to play at cards with John Jeremy Platt. He was dead in a year and the fair Gwynevere in society sparkled again while the caperons fluttered their fans as they muttered. She's getting exceedingly plain. The moral predicaments often are found that beautiful beauty is apt to get round but greedy extortioners better beware for beautiful beauty is apt to get square. End of How Beauty Can Trive to Get Square with the Beast Tale 11 of Grim-Tales Made Gay by LibriVox Recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Grim-Tales Made Gay by Guy Wettmore Carroll How a Fair One No Hope to His Highness Accorded She has slid down the channels of history's annals disguised as the child of a king but that is a glib and iniquitous fib for she never was any such thing. They called her the Fair One with golden locks and it's true she had lovers who swarmed in flocks but the rest is ironic her business Quranic was selling air tonic by bottle and box. From the dawn till the gloaming she used to sit combing her hair in a languorous way and her suitors would stop to look into the shop and stand there the rest of the day. She filled them with mute but with deep despair for she never glanced up with a smile to wear they stood about crushing each other and blushing she simply kept brushing her beautiful hair. A Butter Prince who was passing engaged in amassing some facts on American life was suddenly struck by the fact that his look might give him that girl for a wife. His rashness he didn't attempt to excuse he entered the shop and he stated his views remarking I'm confident you will not wish to be cruel enough to refuse most winsome of creatures he told her your features have led me to candidly say that no other beside would I have for a bride will be married a week from today. I belong to a long and titled line on the list of your wishes I won't decline next month I will usher my wife into Broucher, sweet Comber on Broucher consider your mine she looked at him squarely considered him fairly her glance was as keen as a knife then she turned up her nose and with icy repose she answered well not on your life you're not on the paper the only blot do you think I come twelve in a parcel what me pose as your dearie oh go and chase Perry you're making me now git he got the crowd that had waited outside was elated so much by the prince's mischance that they greeted with jeers and ironical cheers the end of his little romance they said did it when the ground you it they searched for some mark where the prince had lit and as he looked colder they only grew bolder and tapped on his shoulder with tag you're it the lengthy discussion that sensitive Russian compiled on the USA was read by the maid she carelessly played with her beautiful hair one day the talk you hear in that primitive land he wrote nobody can understand somebody who guffed him she said stuffed him and easily bluffed him to beat the band the moral the people across the brine are exceedingly strong on old langzine but they're lost in the push when they gang that is strong an American new line slang end of how a fair one no hope to his highness accorded tale 12 of grim tales made gay this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org grim tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carol Thomas are made from a dragon released though Philip II of France was reckoned no coward his breath came short when they told him a dragon as big as a wagon was waiting below in the court a dragon so long and so wide and so fat that he couldn't get in the door to chat the king couldn't leave him outside and grieve him he had to receive him upon the mat the dragon bowed nicely and very concisely he stated the reason he called he made the disclosure with frigid composure King Philip was simply appalled he demanded for eating a fortnight apart the monarch's ten daughters all dear to his heart and now you'll produce he concluded the juicy and succulent Lucy by way of start King Philip was pliant and far from defiant and servile no doubt you retort if you struck a snag on a bottle green dragon who filled up two-thirds of your court and curled up his tail on your new tin roof and made your piazza grown under the hoof would you threaten and thunder or just knuckle under completely I wonder if put to the proof by way of a truce he brought out little Lucy and watched her conducted away but all of the others were out with their brothers thus gaining a little delay he promised through herald sent west and east his crown and his kingdom and last not least his daughter so slightly to any one nightly who'd come and politely wipe out that beast for love of this charmer arrayed in his armour each suitor for glory who yearned would gallantly hasten the dragon to chasten but none of them ever returned when the dragon had eaten some sixteen score he hung up the sign on his cavern door where at he lay pronely in majesty lonely there standing room only for three nights more a slim adolescent his beard only crescent rode up at this stage of the game to where the old sinner lay gorged with his dinner and breathing out torrents of flame he gathered a tip from the flaunting sign and took his position the fourth in line until as foreboded by food incomoded the dragon exploded at half past nine the king was delighted at first when he sighted the victor but then in dismay regretted his promise the stripling was Thomas his majesty's valet de piet he asked him at once will you compromise but Thomas looked straight in his master's eyes and answered severely I'll see your game clearly and scorn it sincerely and out the prize not long did he linger before on the finger of Lucy he fitted a ring a dictator in place of the elderly king he was lorded by pulpit and boomed by the press and no one had ever a chance to guess beholding this hero who ruled like an hero his valet was zero or something less the moral and still from Nice to Calais discretion's the best part of valets end of how Thomas are made the dragon released tale 13 of grim tales made gay this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org grim tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll how a beauty was waked and her suitor was suited albeit holy Thomas Charming wasn't any less conceited than a cresis or a modern millionaire though often in necessity no one would ever guess it he was candidly insolvent and he frankly didn't care of the many debts he made not a one was ever paid but no one ever pressed him to refund the borrowed gold while he recklessly kept spending people gladly kept on lending for the fact they knew a title was requital 20 fold he lived in 1663 this smooth and blushing article since when as far as I can see men haven't changed a particle in Charming's principality there was a wild locality composed of somber forests and of steep and frowning crags a pheasant and of rabbit too and here it was his habit to go hunting with his courtyards in the keen pursuit of stags but the charger that he rode so mercurially strode and that the prince on one occasion left the others in the lurch and the falling darkness found him with no vassals left around him near a building like an abbey or a shabby ruined church his highness said I'll ring the bell and I'll stay till morning in it he took options choice a for no hotel there was in the vicinity his ringing was so vehement that anyone could see he meant to suffer no refusal but in spite of all the din there was no answer audible and so with courage laudable his royal highness turned the knob and stoutly entered in then he strode across the court but he suddenly stopped short when he passed within the castle by a massive open door there were courtyards without number but they all were plunged in slumber the prince is here delighting by uniting in a snore the prince remarked this must be Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and so was born the jest that's still the comic journals mania with torpor reprehensible numb, comatose insensible the flunkies and the chamberlains all slumbered like the dead and snore so loud and mournfully and the charming passed them scornfully and came to where a princess lay asleep upon her bed she was so extremely fair that his highness didn't care for the risk and so he kissed her air a single word he spoke in a jiffy maids and pages, usher's lackeys squires and sages as fresh as if they'd been at least a week awake awoke and hastened bustled, dashed and ran up stairways and through galleries in brief they won and all began again to earn their salaries aroused from her paralysis as if in deep analysis of him who had awakened her the princess met his eye her glance at first was critical externally analytical and then she dropped her lashes and she gave a little sigh as he watched her holy dumb she observed you've doubtless come for one of two good reasons and I'm going to ask you which do you mean my house to Harry or do you propose to marry he answered I'll be rude but I'll do it if you're rich the princess murmured with a smile I've millions at the least to come I cried please excuse me while I go and get the priest to come the moral when affairs go ill the sleeping partner foots the bill end of how a beauty was waked and her suitor was suited tale number 14 of grim tales made gay this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information all to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org grim tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll how Jack found that beans may go back on the chap without the slightest basis for hypochondriasis a widow had forebodings which are cloud around a flung and with expression cynical for after-day a clinical thermometer she held beneath her tongue when as she read the papers at every tale of malady or accident she'd grown in every new and smart disease from housemaid's knee to heart's disease she recognized the symptoms as her own she had a yearning chronic to try each novel tomic elixir, panacea, lotion, opiate and balm and from a homeopathist would change to an hydropathist and back again with stupefying calm the closets of her villa were full of sasperilla, ammonia digitales, bronchial trochus soda mint, restoratives herceutical and soaps to clean the cuticle and iodine and peptonides and lint she was nervous, cataleptic ananemic and dyspeptic though not convinced of apoplexy yet she had her fears she'd dwelt with false fanatical upon a twin dramatical and said she had a buzzing in her ears now, all of this bemoaning and this grumbling and this groaning the mind of Jack, her son and heir unconscionably bored his heart completely hardening he gave his time to gardening for raising beans was something he adored each hour in accents morbid this limp maternal borebid her callous son affectionate and lacrimose goodbyes she never granted Jack a day without some longer lack a day open-ended by rolling of the eyes but Jack, no panic showing just watched his beanstalk growing and twined with tender fingers the tendrils up the pole at all her words funerial he smiled a smile ethereal or sighed an absent minded bless my soul that hollow hearted creature would never change a feature no tear be dimmed his eye however touchy was the talk she never forced or flurried him the only thing that worried him was when no bean-pots grew upon the stalk and then he wobbled loosely his head and wept profusely and taking out his anchor-chief to mop away his tears exclaimed he hasn't got any he found this blow to botany was sadder than were all his mother's fears the moral is that gardener's pine when there no pods adorned the vine of all sad words experienced gleens the saddest are it might have beans I didn't make this up myself it was in a book upon my shelf it's witty but I don't deny it's rather wittier than I end of how Jack found that beans may go back on a chap this recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina Grim-Tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll Tale 15 how a cat was annoyed and a poet was booted a poet had a cat there is nothing odd in that I might make a little pun about the muse but what is really about a cat a cat a muse but what is really more remarkable she wore a pair of pointed patent leather shoes and I doubt me greatly weather ere you heard the like of that pointed shoes of patent leather on a cat his time he used to pass writing sonnets on the grass I might say something good on pen and sword while the cat sat near at hand trying hard to understand and occasionally roared I myself possess a feline but when poetry I roar he is sure to make a beeline for the door the poet sent by sent all his patrimony spent I might tell how he went from worse to worse till the cat was sure she could by advising do him good so addressed him in a manner that was terse we are bound toward the scuppers and the time has come to act or will both be on our uppers for a fact on her boot she fixed her eye but the boot made no reply I might say couldn't speak to save its soul and the foolish bard instead of responding only read a verse that wasn't bad upon the whole and it pleased the cat so greatly though she knew not what it meant that I'll quote approximately how it went if I should live to be the last leaf upon the tree I might put in I think I just as leaf ha ha ha let them smile as I do now at the old forsaken bow well he'd plagiarized it boldly in brief but that cat of simple breeding couldn't read the lines between so she took it to a leading magazine she was jarred and very sore when they showed her to the door I might hit off the door that was a jar to the spot she swiftly returned where the poet sighed and yearned and she told him that he'd gone a little far your performance with yes rhyme has made me absolutely sick she remarked I think the time has come to kick I could fill up half the page with descriptions of a rage I'd say that she went a bit too fur when he smiled and murmured shoo! there is one thing I can do she answered with a wrathful kind of pur you may shoo me and it suit you but I feel my conscience bid me as tit for tat to boot you which she did the moral of the plot though I say it as should not is an editor is difficult to suit again there are other times when the man who fashions rhymes is a rascal and a bully one to boot end of tale 15 how a cat was annoyed and a poet was booted tale 16 of grim tales made gay this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org this recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina grim tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll tale 16 how much Fortunatus could do with a cap Fortunatus a fisherman Dane set out on a sudden for Spain because runs the story he'd met with a horny mysterious sorcerer chap who troubled to save him most thoughtfully gave him a magical traveling cap I barely believe that the story is true but here's what that cap was reported to do suppose you were sitting at home and you wished to see Paris or Rome you'd pick up that bonnet you'd carefully don it the name of the city you'd call and the very next minute by Joe Viewer in it without having started at all one moment you soldered an upper broadway and the next on the Corso or the Corso while he had beat every journey of cooks, knocked spots out of Badeker's books he stepped from his doorway direct into Norway he hopped in a trice to Ceylon he saw Madagascar went round by Alaska and called on a girl in Luzon if they said she'd be down in a moment or two he took while he waited a peak at Peru he'd go out to the theater in Vladovostok and retire in New York at eleven o'clock every tongue he could readily speak French, German, Italian Greek, Norwegian, Bulgarian Turkish, Bavarian Japanese, Hindustani Russian and Mexican he was a lexicon such as you'd see in Paris he'd go out to the theater in Vladovostok he was a lexicon such as you'd seldom will see his knowledge linguistic gave Olandor Fitz and brought a hot flush to the face of Berlitz he would bow in an intimate way to Menelik and to Loubet he was frequently beckoned by William II a word of advice to receive he talked with Bervato about the Mikado, King Oscar Umpaul, the Kediv King Victor Emanuel II King Edward VII Kwangsu and the Tsar but what did he get from it all? his wife used to wait in the hall when this wandering mortal set foot on the portal she always appeared on the scene and far from ideally remarked well I really would like to know where you've been now what is the good of a wandering life if you have to tell all that you do to your wife? she'd indulge in a copious cry she'd remark she'd undoubtedly die or like many another go back to her mother and what would the world think of that? she only grew pleasant when offered a present of gloves or a gown or a hat and more than as talisman saved him in fare fortunately not as expended in putting things square and the moral is easily said like our hero you're certain to find when such a cap goes on ahead retribution will follow behind end of tale 16 how much fortunatus could do with a cap tale 17 of grim tales made gay this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org this recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina grim tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll tale 17 how a princess was wooed from habitual sadness in days of old the king of sacks had singular opinions for with the weighty battle-axe he brutalized his minions and when he'd nothing to employ his mind he chose a village and with an air of savage joy delivered it to pillage but what aroused within his breast a rage well-nigh primeval was most of all his daughter dressed in fashion medieval the gowns that pleased this maiden's eye were simple as utopia and for a hat she had a high inverted cornucopia in all her life she'd never smiled her sadness was abysmal the boisterous monarch found his child unutterably dismal he therefore said the prince who made her from its shell come besides in ducats being paid might wed the girl and welcome I ought to say or I forget she was uncommon comely whoever read a grim tale yet in which the girl was homely and so the king's announcement drew nine princes in a column but all in vain the princess grew if anything more solemn one read her in a sense abroad more clothes eccentric the third one swallowed half his sword as in the circus tent trick thus eight of them into her cool reserve but deeper shoved her there was but one authentic fool the prince who really loved her he'd alternate between the height of hope and deep abasement he caught distressing colds at night by watching neath her casement he did what I have done I know and you I do not doubt it instead of bottling up his woe he bored his friends about it in brooding on the ways of fate long hours he daily wasted his food remained upon his plate was scarcely touched or tasted he said the bitter things of love all lovers save a few say and learn by heart the verses of swinburne and a de mousse this attitude his wish for I'd to silent laughter goaded until he talked of suicide and then the girl exploded you make me laugh and so she said I'll marry you next season not half the people who are wed have half so good a reason the moral the deliberate clown can never beat love's barriers down does better to be like the owl comic because so grave a foul from him we well may take you by him be taught to wit to woo end of tale 17 how a princess was from habitual sadness tale 18 of grim tales made gay this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org this recording is by Mark Smith of simpsonville line grim tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll tale 18 how a girl was too reckless of grammar by far Matilda Maude Mackenzie frankly hadn't any chin her hands were rough her feet she turned invariably in her general form was German by which I mean that you her waist could not determine and not only did she stammer but she used the kind of grammar that is called for sake of euphony a skew from what I say about her don't imagine I desire a prejudice against this worthy creature to inspire she was willing she was active she was sober she was kind but she never looked attractive and she hadn't any mind I knew her more than slightly and I treated her politely when I met her and Matilda Maude Mackenzie had a habit that was droll she spent her morning seated on a rock or on a knoll and threw with much composure a smallish rubber ball at an inoffensive osher by a little waterfall but Matilda's way of throwing was like other people's mowing and she never hit the willow tree at all one day as Miss Mackenzie with uncommon ardor tried to hit the mark the missile flew originally wide and before her eyes astounded on a fallen maple's trunk ricocheted and rebounded in the rivulet and sunk Matilda greatly frightened in her grammar unenlightened remarked well now I asked her who'd her thunk but what a marvel followed from the pool at once there rose a frog the sphere of rubber balanced deathly on his nose he beheld her fright in frenzy and her panic to dispel on his knee by Miss Mackenzie he obsequiously fell with quite as much decorum as a speaker in a form he started in his history to tell fair maid he said I beg you do not hesitate her wince if you'll promise that you'll wed me I'll at once become a prince for a fairy old and vicious an enchantment round me spun then he looked up unsuspicious and he saw what he had won and in terms of sad reproach he made some comments so to voce which the publishers have bidden me to shun Matilda mob Mackenzie said as if she meant to scold I never why you forward thing now ain't you awful bold just a glance he paused to give her and his head was seen to clutch then he darted to the river and he dived to beat the Dutch while the wrathful made him panted I don't think he was enchanted and he really didn't look it over much the moral in one's language one conservative should be speeches silver and it never should be free end of tale 18 how a girl was too reckless of grammar by far tale 19 of Grim Tails made gay this is a Librebox recording all Librebox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit Librebox.org this recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina Grim Tails made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll tale 19 how the peaceful Aladdin gave way to his madness his name was Aladdin the clothes he was clad in proclaimed him in an Arabic site and he had for a chum only rum old of Freet six cubits in height this person infernal who seemed so fraternal at bottom was frankly a scap his future too sad and he gave to Aladdin a wonderful magical lamp a marvel he dubbed it he said if one rubbed it one's wishes were done on the spot now what would you do were it offered to you refuse it undoubtedly not with pleasure extensive Aladdin accepted the gift and by it befriended erected a splendid chateau with a bath and a lift not dreaming of malice one year in his palace he led a luxurious life till his genius dread put it into his head that he needed a beautiful wife responding to friction the lamp this affliction at once for Aladdin secured the latter delighted imagine he cited a future of quiet assured when gladly he chose her he didn't suppose her a philatelist always a gape for novelties yet she had all of the set of triangular stamps of the cape some people malicious proclaimed her Mauritius one penny vermilion a cell but that was all rot it was true she had got it and the Tuppany blue one as well since thus she collected what could be expected she didn't for Brickabrack care so she traded the lamp for an Ecuador stamp that somebody told her was rare this act served to madden the mind of Aladdin but spite of his impotent wrath his manor house vanished to nothingness banished and while he was taking a bath the average Arab is hard as a scarab when someone has wounded his pride so he jumped up and down the face of his beautiful bride he had picked up a cargo of curious argot while living in Paris the gay in the slang of that city he cried without pity the moral when stamps you are adept on of risk you are reckless and yet beware if your face is once stepped on that's the last stamp you're likely to get end of the tale of Joel Aladdin gave way to his madness tale 20 of grim tales made gay this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org this recording is my Mark Smith of Simpsonville, South Carolina grim tales made gay by Guy Wetmore Carroll tale 20 how a fisherman corked up his foe in a jar a fisherman lived on the shore it's a habit that fishers affect and his life was a hideous bore he had nothing to do but collect continual harvests of seaweed in shells which he stuck upon photograph frames to sell to the guests in the summer hotels with the quite inappropriate names he would wander along by the edge of the sea and I know for a fact from the pools with a portable dredge he would curious creatures extract and during the season he always took lots of tourists out fishing for bass and showed them politely impossible spots in the culpable way of his class it happened one day as afar he roved on the glistening strand that he chanced on a curious jar which lay on a humic of sand it was closed at the mouth with a cork and a seal and over the top there was tied a cloth and the fisherman couldn't but feel that he ought to see what was inside but what were his fear and surprise when the stopper he held in his hand for a genie of singular size appeared in a trice on the sand who said in the roughest and rudest of tones a monster you foolishly freed I shall simply make way with you and bones and that with phenomenal speed the fisherman looked in his face and answered him boldly my friend how you ever were packed in that space is something I don't comprehend pray do me the favor to show me how you can do it as large as you are the genie retorted that's just what I'll do and promptly re-entered the jar the fisherman corked him up tight the genie protested and raved but for all he accomplished he might as well all his shouting have saved and whenever a generous bonus is paid the fisherman willingly tells the singular tale of this trick that he played to the guests in the summer hotels the moral when fortune you strike and you slip through a dangerous crack get as forward as ever you like but never oh never get back end of tale 20 this is the end of grim tales made gay by guy wetmore carol


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gentlemen, the Jaws of Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin presents the Halls of Ivy, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. Here on your mind, he thought of Schlitz, the beer that made Milwaukee famous. More people like the taste of Schlitz than any other beer. That's why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. In college, that is, in the town of Ivy, USA. To judge by the heap of unfinished business on the desk of Dr. William Carpenter Hall, browsed into Ivy, college is in going concern. Mrs. Hall, the former Victoria Cromwell of the London stage, tactfully interrupts him at his desk, which is buried under an enormous pile of miscellaneous papers. Haven't you gone yet, Toddy? Your appointment at two? Yes, I know, Ricky. But at the moment, I'm not sure whether I'm on the edge of order or the brink of chaos. Give me another hour and you won't recognize this desk. Well, how could I recognize it? I've never seen it. You've never unveiled it. It's one of the grosser untruths that a man's mind is necessarily as cluttered as his desk. Tidy thinking leaves little time to deal with the enormous accumulations in any busy man's normal day. Composites, you never know what interesting tidbits may emerge from the debris. But look at this memo I discovered under the blotter. Five on Prince D in a third.  How fascinating. And how did Prince D do in a third? That's what puzzles me. I haven't the slightest idea. I'm not much of a gambling man, as you know. I don't remember a thing about this memo. Whose handwriting is it, may I ask? Mine. Incubatively mine. That is what is so battling. Where did I get the tip? Did I make the bet? And when was it? We went to the Races of Minute Askers in England and you loved it, do you remember?  One because this sport of kings had aroused any fever in my blood. Besides, if college professors are seldom equipped financially to cope with the vagaries of the tote-board. Five on Prince D in the third. In the third? Where? Well, there are ways and ways of getting tips here. And one of them is in Doc Fish's father chair and it's getting fairly late for your appointment. Oh, yes. Yes, and I'll ask Doc if he ever heard of a horse named Prince D. Yeah, and if he doesn't know, you invent the information complete with fast performances, jockey changes, and the condition of the track. On your way, horse player. Now as I see it, Dr. Hall, there's nothing wrong with your curriculum, except it's emotionally a lot of stuff that nobody will ever use. How much you went off the top. There you go. Just enough to make it appear that it hasn't been cut. I guess you didn't know what you were letting yourself in for when you hired this new English professor of yours. This hotly fella. What beats me is what do they say in it? He's not even good looking. Professors are not, as a rule, judged by their masculine puncture suit. Ivy has never expected that any member of its faculty need to qualify for Mr. America. Well, what those are on the campus is your job, I suppose. I've been called a gossip just once too much. So from now on, I'm going to keep my mouth shut. But if I wanted to talk, I could tell you stuff about this professor hotly that'd make your hair stand on him. It might be easier to cut that way, but I'd prefer that you try it out on someone else. All right, all right, I made up my mind not to say a word anyway. Never get any thanks for it. After all, if hotly wants to make love to all the girls in town, that's none of my affairs. Regarding this university, I know what I'd do. I envy you, Doc. You can run both your own job and mine too. I only know my own. Darling, you have a visitor. Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Wellman. Sorry I kept you waiting. That's all right. I have other things to do, but this couldn't wait. It's critical, Doc. All these criticals will then, by all means, let's hear about it at one of the lovely briefs. Do you know about Professor Hotly? I know that you and I both had haircuts today. Well, what's that? Well, what's that got to do with that? I mean, who told you? No one told me. But I don't know whether you told Doc Fish or he told you what you're going to tell me about Professor Hotly. This is a serious matter, Doc. I want to be avoided at any cost, at any cost. I'd be astrecked by a real scandal. Are you sure you don't mean scandal among us? I mean scandal. I know what I mean. I mean that Professor Hotly has been going out with a girl. Excuse me, Mr. Wellman, but just as a layman on such things, do they hang men in this country for that? In England, fraternizing between the sexes has been approved for some time. This is a very young girl, Mrs. Hall, a freshman. It will develop, or has already, into a nasty scandal. And worse, part of it. Oh yes, her name is Linda Matthews, freshman. You must be quite convinced that all this is true. Naturally, you wouldn't be so concerned if you'd only heard a rumour. I'll ignore that, Dr. Hall.  That is... Mr. Wellman, you would present proof of the allegation with the proper time. I would suggest that you direct your investigation to the people involved. It's your responsibility to keep the good name of Ivy above reproach. I've been merely trying to save you from any embarrassment that would result from your innocence or a ignorance about what had come and knowledge. Good day, Dr. Hall, Mrs. Hall. I'll see you to the door. I know my way down. On his way out, he also knows his way in.  I thought the job had been finished for some time. As chairman of the Board of Governors, Mr. Wellman is a delicate tuning fork for wind-borne crises. To me, there is no more joyful sound than the hollow reverberation of an idea striking a brass hat. Is this talk about Professor Huntley Dockfish's doing? Well, he intimated darkly that Huntley was a danger to Ivy womanhood and was about to lose a flood of scandal when I stopped him. I could discount fish for the longer he is, but Wellman... As public defender, unappointed, of course, even Wellman wouldn't pick on a freshman just to take a smack at you, dear. Darling, I'm responsible for Huntley. I recommended him for the English department. Wellman opposed it. Poor Huntley will be the scapegoat, just because he happens to be popular with the students. Darling, many of your students ever have a crush on you. The question is irrelevant, immaterial, and very interesting. If I'd been in your class, I'd have fallen in love with you. You are very naturally dear, darling, yes. But I'm not Professor Huntley, and sure I'm not Linda Matthews. And I must find a solution for this business. It'll save both their faces and confound Mr. Wellman. That's what I say. Confound, Mr. Wellman. Come in, Professor Huntley. Dr. Hall will be down in a minute. Thanks, Mrs. Hall. I'd be wanting to talk to you ever since the registration ball. Oh, really? Yes, I tried my best to cut in for a dance, but the competition was too key. Especially from Dr. Hall. He, in fact, he made a monopoly. Well, he called it a holding company, Professor. He's right. Next time I'll have more courage and petition a stockholder's protest meeting. Oh, hello, Dr. Hall. Professor Huntley, nice to see you. And thank you for coming over. Always glad to see you, Doctor. You wanted to talk to me? Yes, yes, sit down. Thank you. Professor, I've never gone along with the theory that a teacher's ability can be measured by his unpopularity. Nor with Calper that a teacher should be a sparing of his smile. I see no harm in any member of the faculty being on the most pleasant terms with his students. And now that I've made that unnecessary little speech, I'll come to the point. Have you heard the rumor that you were in love with a girl a freshman year at IB? What? Or vice versa? Oh, you're kidding. Both of you. Both of you? Aren't you? No, no, we're not. I just thought you should know that a couple of energetic gossip mongers are tossing your reputation above Robert Wiggleslith. And who is supposed to be the object of my sinister affection in the rumor so far limits itself to your, I think they call it, going out with a student by the name of Linda Matthews. Linda Matthews. Oh, poor Linda. I'm sorry, Dr. Gore, but I can't believe this. Do you mean that somebody seriously thinks that? I'd never go so far as to imply that my informants in this matter have any great capacity for serious thinking. Dr. Linda Matthews is one of the best students I have in English. She's attentive, she's eager, and she has imagination. I'm very much interested in her. Why, I've even learned that some of my books have given her a lift a couple of times in my car. But how could anybody make anything out of that? She died for scandal grabs for the smallest muscle and confattant on crumbs. But then you teach a course in fiction, Professor, you know how stories are developed. Yes. Does Linda know about this? Oh, I hope not for her sake. Then I have one favor to ask Dr. Hall. Don't tell her unless it's necessary. She's a pretty sensitive girl. If there's anything I can do, anything that's commonplace is kicking somebody around the campus, let me know. I will. If I'm not able to disabuse minds myself. Well, thanks for coming over, Professor. Have a tour. Bye, Doctor. Good day. Oh, oh, by the way. Yes? Have you played horses, Huntley? No, no horses. That's not an official question, Professor, just that loud information. Well, I can be at a little penny ante almost any evening, but otherwise my gambling instinct seems a little stunted. Well, they wouldn't have heard of a horse named Prince D. No, I'm afraid not. Sorry, Doctor. Bye, Mrs. Hall. Goodbye. Nice. It's very nice. I wouldn't blame Linda Meltings if she did have a small crush on him. I will say I admire his restraint, none of the circumstances. But as far as I'm suspected, it's nothing more than a small breeze stirred up by a couple of old windbags. It seems that Mr. Wellman is not a tycoon, he's a typhoon. It's a typographical error. Do you realise the basic difference between me and Mr. Wellman? Well, starting alphabetically, hey, you are admirable as he's ashenine.  No, no, no. Not a complete character analysis, darling. It's just the basic difference. But what do you think it is? I think it's just that I can't help liking people and Mr. Wellman can't like helping people. Oh, that's well true, Doctor. But to go on, D, your direction is devious. D, you are easy, it's frustrating.  The grump is starting.  No, he didn't discuss, Mr. Middleweather. He charged, like Teddy Roosevelt, going up San Juan Hill. We're happy to hear you classify it as nonsense. In due time Mrs. Old usage will make Wellman synonymous with nonsense. He says if you don't take punitive action right away, Doctor, he's going to call a board of governors meeting and throw the book at hunt play. Mr. Wellman naturally wouldn't know of any other use for a book. Now, Doctor, this thing can really get pretty messy if we don't clear it up before Clarence makes it worse than it is. And he can.  Did you just have your hair cut, Mr. Middleweather? No, I didn't hear this from him. I got it straight from the horse's mouth. If you'll excuse that reference to Mrs. Maryweather. Ruth has told her and has always been a pretty honest kid. Ruth? She lives on our block. She's a fresh friend of this Linda Matthews. I shut her up, but I think you ought to talk to her, Doctor. Can you see her this afternoon? Of course I'll see her. Thank you for telling me. Incidentally, Mr. Middleweather, do you believe this story? As a member of the Board of Governors, Doctor, I view the matter with great trepidation. But as Charlie Maryweather, taxpayer and self-made old, I think it's a lot of whale oil. Mr. Middleweather, gossip is a virus and a virus is infectious. Even if you are immune, we must do what we can to stop an epidemic. Yes, I did tell Mrs. Maryweather, Dr. Hall, but if I thought I'd be making any trouble for Linda, I'd never have opened my mouth. I like Linda. Of course, she's not exactly a close friend. Well, then perhaps you will tell us why you think Professor Huntley has any more than an academic interest in that. Because I saw her get out of his car one afternoon, and then I know he gave her his own copy of Montaigne's essay. You need to say you saw all that. But his name was right there in the flyleaf, Mrs. Hall. Miss Jessica, I still don't understand why you've spread this story. I didn't spread any story, Dr. Hall. Linda told me or it was herself. Linda told you. Of course. It's all she talks about, how wonderful he is, what a smooth dancer he is, and the swell places he's taken her. In the beginning, I thought she was just bragging. But Linda's an awfully smart girl, Dr. Hall. I guess she's the kind of a girl a professor would go for. But what about the college boys, Ruth? Do they feel the same way about her? Oh, no. I don't think so, Mrs. Hall. Linda's not very... well, she's the quiet type. For a quiet type, she seems to be quite garrulous. I don't like to disenchant you, Miss Jessica, but Professor Huntley gave Linda Matthews his copy of Montaigne's essay for only one reason. He wanted it all of them. He gave her her automobile ride, perhaps a couple of them, for only one reason, to see that she's back to school. Now, as prosaic as these facts are, they are facts. The only facts. Thank you for coming over, Miss Jessica. That's all right, Dr. Hall. I guess I'd better go now. I've got a lot of collateral reading to do. Answer you to the door. See, Mrs. Hall, I hope Dr. Hall isn't mad at me. I hate to get the president sore at me right at the start. Four years is a long time. And don't worry, I don't think you'll stay mad that long. Goodbye, Mrs. Hall. Tutty, I'm sorry for that girl, Linda Matthews. Yes, I am too. On the one hand, Ruth makes her out to be a giddy adolescent. But according to Huntley, she's a budding intellectual. On the other hand, I can't let her get away with this. And yet, you never know what you might do to a girl like that. Do you mind if I jump into this debate you're having with yourself, darling? Not at all. Pick a side. I never could understand about debating. It doesn't matter what you believe in. You just take sides. Anyway, this is not a question of sides. It's simply a matter of approach. In my official capacity, I must severely censure Linda Matthews, notwithstanding any personal sympathy I might have for her. I have it too, and nobody's ever called me official. Do you mind if I go and see her, Tutty? In my official capacity, I have no jurisdiction over your information, Mrs. Hall.  When did I bet $5 on Christmas Eve? And ladies and gentlemen, I could come up if you're not busy with matters, may I come in for a moment? I'm Victoria Hall. Oh, Mrs. Hall. Of course. Please come in. I'm sorry the place is such a mess, but I wasn't expecting company. I didn't know your telephone number and I wanted to see you. Professor Huntley spoke so highly of you, I wondered why you hadn't entered into any of the freshman activities. Oh, well, I'm not very good at that sort of thing, and there's so much work to do. That's a popular complaint. Honestly, I don't know how any freshman ever gets to be a sophomore. Oh, I'm not complaining, Mrs. Hall. I love it here. Yes, I love it too. Of course, when I first came, I was scared to hear you. It's funny too, because I'd opened up in so many new shows before new audiences, but this time I wasn't going to play a part. I was just going to be myself, and I wanted to be a hit. You know something, Linda? Audiences are much easier to please than people. Yes, I suppose so. When you come from a big city like London, it's hard to believe that Professor X's wife is quoting publicly it's something you said privately to Professor Q's wife. I know, Mrs. Hall, I come from a town that's smaller than I do. Then you know that anybody's business somehow becomes everybody's. Linda, I really came to see you because a couple of old boozy bodies are talking about you. What are they saying? Well, what they're saying isn't really important. It's what can happen to you and Professor Huntley. Has he heard about it? Yes, yes. Oh, Mrs. Hall, how can I... It isn't true, it isn't true. I'm sorry, Mrs. Hall. I know you didn't mean...  I did get her to talk, Toddy, but I just cleared her off. I was a complete flop. Didn't she have anything at all to say? Oh, she didn't have to, darling. It was all there, the shabby boarding house, long way from the campus, the dark little back room, one snapshot of a boy inscribed to Sitch. She's a very lonely girl. How simple it would be to deal with this if it were just a mischievous gossip. It would be more wonderful if the whole story were true when Linda and the Professor Huntley ran away and got married and lived happily ever after. Let a good English professor get away from Ivy? That's a dreadful thought. And Vicki, I think I'll take a short walk. Now wear your hat, darling.  I'll be back in a minute. Do you need Dr. Hall? Oh, yes. I was just coming to see you. I'm Linda Matthews. Oh, hello, Linda. I don't want to bother you. Bother me? I've just been talking to myself and it's much more pleasant to talk to someone else. Come on with me. I suppose you know that Mrs. Hall came to see me this afternoon. Yes, I do. She was so nice to me. I didn't want to see you. I went all the pieces. I found that sometimes the best way to straighten things out is to walk in the circle and wind up when you started. Oh, Dr. Hall. I missed a minute of everything. I didn't understand what I'd done. You know, Mrs. Hall told me what everybody was talking about. I don't know why I didn't realize that they would talk about it because I started it. I made it a silly story about Professor Huntley and me. Huntley was just showing off. Nobody had anything to do with it except me. But that's all there is to it. I lied. Linda, I know it wasn't easy for you to come and tell me this, but I'm afraid it's going to be much, much harder to repeat your story to the man who must hear it. Professor Huntley? Oh, I can't say anything. Dr. Hall, I just died. So did the gossip. I didn't mean Professor Huntley. Oh, it's much worse than that. Now, listen carefully. I know that you'll be well fortified for the ordeal. Now, Mr. Wellman is a very important man, especially in his own estimation, but he does his very best. My fault, Mr. Wellman. I made up the whole story. Nobody else had anything to do with it.  How am I to know that you haven't made up another one for my benefit? After all, it wouldn't be the first time to cover for somebody else. If you mean Professor Huntley, Mr. Wellman, he had nothing to do with this at all.  Oh, let's say out of her own heart, Mr. Wellman, it's a lonely one. But why? Can you tell me that? Why, Miss Matthews? Oh, I don't believe it's necessary for Miss Matthews to answer that, Mr. Wellman. More than it would be to you if I should ask you why you had that dream last night. I'm afraid to see what dreams have to do with this matter. A great deal, I believe. But Miss Matthews is fully confessed to her responsibility. I think that's all that has to be considered. Well, Dr. Wellman, I shall expect you to take proper action. And maybe I can condone what you've done, but I must admire your courage and admit it. Good day, Dr. Huntley. Good day, Mrs. Huntley. Good day, Mrs. Huntley. I think that the Wellman felt cheated. Yet his fire has got all loaded and waiting for sunrise. Linda, you were splendid. I don't know how you managed it. I don't know why, Mrs. Huntley. I'm starting to blush now. Well, that's only natural, Linda. Somehow we give him courage in a crisis and then often collapse the moment it's over. But that's the trouble. It's not all over. How can I ever face Professor Huntley? It's always harder to face friends than strangers. And after all, you want to see your friends again. So talk to Professor Huntley and if he should offer you a lift, no need to refuse. And if he wishes to know a book by all means, good heavens. Charlie, what's the matter? It was Professor Huntley, his book on Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. The memos have slipped out of it. What memos? Five on Prince Ding in the third. I was to give his class a five-minute talk on Hamlet, with particular reference to the third act. See, in a third, oh, dear, how disillusioning. I thought it's Schlitz, the beer that made Milwaukee famous. More people like the taste of Schlitz than any other beer. That's why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. Now, here again, our Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. Good night, everybody. Good night. The other players were Herbert Butterfield, Gail Gordon, Barbara Whiting, Gloria McMillan, Earl Ross and Charles Davis. Tonight's script was written by Milton, Barbara Merlin and Don Quinn. The music was composed and conducted by Henry Russell. The halls of Ivy was created by Don Quinn, directed by Matt Woldt, and presented by the Joseph Schlitz throwing company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Ken Carpenter speaking.


What's up everyone? Take down here, welcome back to another video. Today we're gonna be talking about some of my most recent sales with the NHL McFarlane's that I bought in a recent video for $3,500. And also gonna be talking about somebody that did try to scam me with one of these sales. Let's get right into this. ["Skami 4"] So the first sale was actually the one that somebody did try to scam me for. Now at first, they did pick out 37 of these NHL McFarlane figures and they did offer me $750 for those and I did accept. Now whenever I was searching for those since I did have 280 figures, whenever I was looking for theirs, it was taking me quite a bit. Also because the guy was saying out of the blue as I'm getting them ready, instead of this one, can I get a different one instead? So I'd put that one back and I'd grab a different one that he now wanted. So the number was still 37, but upon looking through all the ones that he did want and getting them ready, two of them for whatever reason were missing. So now I only had 35 of those figures out of the 37 that he did want and he did get upset and was pissed off about that because according to him, he only wanted any of the figures because of those two figures. So he only wanted to buy the rest because of those two and also he was claiming that those figures were super expensive, which they weren't, I looked up sold comps for them. So anyways, now we're down to 35 figures and I did ask him for those 35, how much are you at now? And he said that he would do it for $500. So we did agree for 35 figures for $500. Then he was talking about me screwing him over since I screwed up apparently that he now wanted another figure included and now he wanted another figure included. So the number went back up to 37 figures and we still agreed on the $500. Now, he lived so far away, he lives over three hours away.  His friend is about a little over an hour away. His friend was gonna pick them up and drive them to him the following weekends. Now, whenever it came to terms of how I was gonna get the money, at first it was going to be he was gonna send me an e-transfer, then a couple days later he's like, you know what, I was thinking, let's just do cash. So to me that's a little bit of a red flag and then he ultimately decided to go back and just do the e-transfer. So the day I was meeting his friends, he did send me an e-transfer of $500 and I gave them to his friends and then that was the end of it or so I thought. Now at the time I was actually packing these up, I thought something was gonna happen, it just felt really fishy that the guy was just going back and forth and was pissed about those two figures and everything else. So whenever I was getting them ready, I was taking photos of every figure I was including and putting in the box as I was boxing them. That way he couldn't have accused me of any going missing or not giving him something that he wanted. So I was taking photos and sending them to him every one that he wanted and he said yes to. Another reason I was doing this also was because for example, there was two Alex Ovechkins and he said he wanted Alex Ovechkin with a red jersey. I had two different versions of those so he was basically, it was to confirm which one he wanted so I boxed every figure that he wanted up and whenever I met with his friend, his friend took them and the following weekend like I said, did deliver them to him. Now I do work overnight so one day I did after I already, the deal was done, I already got the money, the he already got the figures, I did get a voicemail since I work overnights, I didn't get a chance to check the voicemail until I was getting ready for work but the voicemail, he was pretty angry on the phone and he was accusing me of ripping him off, that figures were missing and that just was not the case, I gave him everything, I took photos of everything as I boxed them up so for whatever reason he's accusing me of not giving him the right figures or some figures that he wanted were missing for whatever reason. So from my point of view, I don't know if the guy is lying or if after I gave him to his friend, took some of them or put some cheaper ones in, I don't know what might have happened but something just fell off and for whatever reason whenever I went to message him on Facebook, all of the messages were gone and whenever I tried to search his name I couldn't find it so from where I'm sitting it appears like the guy blocked me on Facebook and I couldn't message him anymore, I couldn't find him on Facebook anymore and I thought that's weird, if you're accusing me of ripping you off, why are you blocking me and why can't I message you or find you anymore? A couple of days later somebody else messaged me and that person actually messaged me first for all of the figures but gave me an extremely low price which I did not agree with and I did not wanna sell them that low so that deal with him didn't work out but now he was messaging me saying that I ripped off his friend now the guy that's trying to scam me is apparently his friend saying that I blocked him but I politely explained that I can't contact him if you can let me know what figures he apparently says are missing I will see if I have them which I knew I didn't have but he ended up messaging me ones that were the more expensive ones that were included in the lots and again I didn't have them because I took pictures of everything that I boxed up and gave to the guy so it was just one of those situations where the guy either A wanted some money back or B maybe the friend or somebody took some of those more expensive figures but he was accusing me of ripping him off and it just was not the case because I had proof of what I did pack up and he agreed to everything that I put in the box at that time now if some were missing after he got them or if he's just lying that is 100% on him but he didn't get the first sale 37 figures for $500 the next sale was for 10 NHL McFarland figures I think they were all goalies and this guy was extremely nice he asked me for a price I said $25 each for 10 of them that's $250 and he agreed on that price so he came bought them was extremely happy so $250 for 10 figures and the previous person got $500 for 37 figures so I gave this guy paid up paid what they were worth which was awesome so I didn't have to really give a huge deal a couple days later he had messaged me saying that one of the figures that he wanted he didn't get he got a different one for Roberto Longo and where I checked I'm like this is the one you asked for but I do have the other one I can fully exchange it for you no problem the guy thought about it and he's like you know what I will buy the other figure from you so he paid another $25 because he liked both figures so I got another sale out of him then just today I did ship out five more figures this guy did pay $25 a piece for these as well so that's $125 shipping even though it stayed in Ontario and it was lights still cost $30 which he did pay for as well so he gave me an e-transfer I took photos of everything that he wanted and he agreed that's what he wanted so I did ship them to him they are on the way and then yesterday I actually sold two more figures one is a Wayne Gretzky the other one I believe is Bobby Orr this guy did message a while ago I did offer him $25 each I haven't heard from him so I did follow up thankfully I did because he came back and he was like I would do both of them for $40 so that's $20 each and I did gladly accept that offer as well so to me that was just an amazing deal so I was like yeah I will take that so $40 as well for those two figures so right now I'm sitting at $940 in sales and that's only for $55 figures so whenever I calculate the first sale so for $500 divided by 37 figures that's $13.50 each for the first guy the guy that did try to scam me and I did pay roughly $12 each for these so I'm only making $1.50 per figure on the first lot but the others I'm selling them for $25 each so if I take the 940 divided by the 55 figures I've sold in total I'm roughly at $17 each per figure that I've sold so far which to me is amazing so hopefully I will sell more roughly looking at it I did have roughly 280 so minus 55 I should have 225 figures left so if I times that by $17 each that is still roughly three almost $4,000 now one thing I've learned was these figures are definitely slow movers I thought they'd sell a lot faster but I definitely am gonna be looking for more video games and comics because those sell a lot faster for me whereas these here because they're larger and they have a more specific niche they are moving a lot slower but so far I'm making a lot of my money back fairly quick it's only been a couple weeks and I do have $940 in sales so far do have a long way to go to get back up to the $3,500 mark which is what I paid for them but I definitely think that the money is there and I will be able to make profits on this deal still hope you guys enjoyed this video see you guys in the next one please take care, peace


Hey, welcome back to the channel. So today I woke up and realized I had just crossed 3,000 followers on Twitter. So growing on Twitter has been one of the best decisions I've made for my business this year. It's led to multiple five figures in info product, coaching and consulting sales, hundreds of new people joining my email list, and also new connections and friendships with multimillionaires that I wouldn't have met if I didn't start on Twitter. So I spent the past few hours digging into my different content and all the tweets that I've made over these past four months. And I found that the most and highest engaged posts that helped me to grow my following the fastest fell into three different buckets or content types. So if you watch this video on TDN, you'll discover what those three content types are that helped me to grow to 3,000 plus followers so that you can save a ton of time and headache growing your own Twitter audience and so that you can experience all these benefits of having a Twitter audience for yourself. So let's dive into my computer right now. I'll show you what these three content types are and also examples of my top performing tweets that fall into these different content types and content buckets. So let's dive in right now. All right. So here we are. This is a tool called iLo.so and I use this tool to track all of the performance of my tweets and what's getting the most impressions and engagements and clicks to my profile. So this is a really handy tool to use. I think I pay 10 or $15 a month for this and it helps me to track all of my best performing tweets here. So let's dive into what these content types are now and I'm going to click on each of these tweets here. I'm going to show you some examples of each of those content types in action. So the first content type that's led to me getting over 3,000 followers in four months is practical content and practical content is step-by-step or how-to content where someone can read it and immediately put it to use, right? They can immediately take it and start taking action and putting it into use in their business or their life or whatever it is. So a lot of people default to this content type. They think this is the only type of content they can post is this how-to and valuable step-by-step content but there's only so much how-to that you can post. So this is great content to use as part of your strategy but not the entire strategy if you want to do this and post content consistently in the long term. So here's an example of a practical style content. If I click on this, this is known as a thread on Twitter. And if I click on this, you can see this is a thread about what I learned from some of the top Twitter growth courses. And so if I go to this thread, I click here, it goes step-by-step into what they need to do to grow on Twitter the right way, right? Grow an audience. So you can see step one, here's what to do, here's exactly how-to-do it. Here's some examples, right? Step two is somewhere here. Here's step two, pick three main content pillars. So I'm telling the person exactly what to do and how-to-do it in this thread here. So this is an example of practical content where someone can immediately read this and start doing this and applying it to their Twitter profile and see results right away. So here's another example of practical content. I usually do one of these every week. Here's another one here, right? Three email marketing services. You can offer right now to bag an extra 1K to 5K per month even if you're a beginner. So again, I'm going into what they can do and exactly how-to-do it. Here's what the service is. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to pick a niche. You're going to build a list. You're going to send your lead list, the cold email, blah, blah, blah. I'm telling them exactly what to do. Someone can take this and go and start doing it tomorrow if they really wanted to. So these are a couple examples of practical content. I post usually one of these every week where it's a thread and it goes step by step and how to do something or how to get a specific result. And this is content type or content bucket number one that helps me to grow my audience to over 3,000 followers in four months. Content type number two. And this is kind of a fun one depending on your personality type. But I call this pot stirring content. Now pot stirring content is controversial content where you're taking a stance on something that you know is going to get some kind of engagement or might cause a bit of drama or might cause a bit of ruffle some feathers. And it's designed to get a lot of engagement, right?  So the one thing about this, you need to be careful. You need to have some finesse when you're doing this.  You're going to have unfollows when you post this kind of content because you're taking a strong stance or opinion in one area. And anyone who doesn't agree with that is going to end up unfollowing you. Now the upside is number one, you're going to get a ton of engagement on your posts and number two is the people who do agree with you are going to become die hard fans with you and your message, right? So the people who are on your side become huge fans of yours because they resonate so strongly with whatever stance you're taking. Now if you want to see two really good experts at using these pot stirring types of posts or content pieces, look no further than Ben Settle.  And also Donald Trump when he was president. If you look at his tweets and you look at the things that he would say, he was a expert pot stirrer. He got people really riled up, but he also had really huge die hard fans on his side. Okay, so here's some examples of pot stirring posts. Here's one that I made recently that got pretty good engagement. I feel like if I click on it here, just thinking out loud here, if you're a vaxed, why does it matter if someone else isn't vaxed unless you don't trust the effectiveness of the vax? Okay, this is going to get some very strong opinions on both sides. And it did, right? 442 likes, there's 35 retweets. There's also 50 comments with people who were really against me and people who were really with me on my side of, you can probably tell which side of this I'm on, but there are strong opinions on both sides. And I did get a ton of unfollows from this, but I also got a lot of new followers from people who did agree with my stance or opinion here, right? So this got 75,000 impressions, a ton of engagement here, comments, retweets, likes, and people also reached out to me through the DMs to share their thoughts, whether they were with me or against me. Here is another one, and I like to do this. This is also called, on Twitter, it's called shitposting. And it's just making fun or poking fun at something that might have happened to you in your life or maybe someone sent you a funny message. Here's an example of one here. You know how I know you're broke, this one got pretty good results. Someone sent me this message that they didn't like my cover photo. And I just poked fun at it, right? So this is like a pot-stirring post, right? Some people are going to get upset. They're going to say, hey, you're not sensitive. You shouldn't be sharing people's messages. I blocked out their name, but this is going to cause opinions on both sides, right? Let's take a look at one more. What's another one here? Here's one more, right? This is another pot-stirring type of post. So this is poking fun at people who just ask me for free help or free guidance. And this actually doesn't have a ton of likes, but it led to a lot of people. I think over 150 people ended up following me because of this one post here. So all I did was take a screenshot of this guy that was asking me for free help and I just said, what's in it for me, right? And it's just poking fun at the situation here. So this got me not a ton of engagement, but a lot of people following me, new followers because they thought this was funny. And a lot of people actually are on the receiving end of this as well, right? People asking for free stuff or free help, free products and services. A lot of people who are in the spotlight or who are posting content get the same type of messages. So that's an example of pot-stirring posts. Again, it's designed to get engagement, but you have to have finesse around this. You don't want to be straight up insulting people.  But your goal here is to have some kind of stance or opinion that you know is going to get some kind of engagement. And that's exactly what it's designed to do, is to get engagement, whether it's people agreeing with you or disagreeing with you. So content type number three that's helped me to grow my Twitter audience and Twitter following pretty quickly is personal content, right? And this could be in the form of lifestyle posts. It could be in the form of lessons you learned. It could be in the form of personal results that you've had.  So these personal posts are designed to show people who you are as a person and what you're working on and the values that you're standing for and the mission that you're on. So here's an example of one I made yesterday. I got married a couple days ago and I made this post here. All it was was a picture of me and Jackie who is my now wife. And we got married at our apartment building. And it's just a picture of us just popping some champagne. And this is my most viewed post now and most engaged post. It got, where are we at now? 204,000 impressions, over 4,500 people clicked over to my profile. This led to over 400 people becoming new followers so far and it's still running right now. This was posted less than a day ago and it's already my highest performing post. So this is an example of a personal post that shows who I am as a person. I'm having fun. People also want to congratulate me on the big day. So you can see here, most engaged post hasn't even been live for 24 hours yet. And it's led to the most amount of followers from my profile. And it helps people to feel like they have a bond with me. Like they know me and they're friends of mine, right? So it shows who I am as a person and it shows the personal side. And it also shows a little bit into my lifestyle. Like where I live and my now wife, Jackie. And yeah, just shows who I am as a person helps to build a relationship with my audience and people feel more connected to me through these personal style posts. So let's take a look at another one here. This is another example of a personal style post, but it's more along the lines of personal results. This one led to I think a couple hundred followers in a day. And this was when I relaunched a course that I have called the email side hustle program and it shared the results of doing that, right? So I reopened it, it did all this money and cash collected and revenue. And here's how I did it. And here's the lesson, right? Right offer to the right person at the right time equals this little graph here. So this just shows a little insight into the personal results that I'm having with my business and people also respect this because they're seeing results of me working on my business and getting results with my business. So this is another example of what I consider a personal style post. So that about wraps up the three content types that helped me to grow to over 3,000 followers on Twitter in just four months. Again, those three content types, number one is practical or how to step by step style content. Number two is pot stirring or controversial content that's designed to get engagement. And content type number three is personal style content that shows who you are as a person and the results that you're getting, whether you're in your life, you're working on something in your life or in your business. And also showing your values and your mission as well. And like I said earlier, it's been one of the best decisions I've made for growing my business this year. It's led to multiple five figures in sales for info products, coaching and consulting. And also I've made connections and friendships with multimillionaires that will be worth far more than that over the next few years. So if you got value out of this video, make sure you give it a like. And I hope you use these content types, practical content, pot stirring content and personal content to grow and profit from your own Twitter audience as well. If you want more content around growing an audience online and also creating internet income, make sure you subscribe if you're not already. And I'll see you next week. Take it easy.


here the theorem 2, the multivariate normal, now next we have theorem 2, what is it saying? that last we have done, in that we have checked that there will be transformation, linear transformation, so we have transform variable also, we are following linear transformation. transform variable also will follow the same which is the original variable. here suppose the x follows the multivariate normal distribution with mean vector mu, various covariance matrix sigma. also let's see, c is the p cross p matrix, we have positive definite matrix such that c into c inverse which is equal to sigma, variance to various matrix. here suppose z equals to c prime c inverse x minus mu, this is also the transformation we are seeing here, now what is the transformation? x follows the multivariate normal distribution, so transformed variable also follows the multivariate normal distribution. so taking the expectation, c inverse expected value is applied to us on this factor, i.e. this random variable is here, we applied expectation on it, c inverse as it is, expected value of x minus mu. so we know that the expected value of x which is equal to mu, mu minus mu is cancelled out, so the expected value of z which is equal to zero. further the variance of transformed variable we have checked here, the variance of the transformed variable which is equal to expected value of z z prime. so z which is equal to c prime x minus mu into z transpose x minus mu transpose into c inverse transpose expected value of this this is the equals to variance to variance matrix because you have covariance, variance to variance matrix, sigma, we have entered here, so c inverse sigma c inverse so sigma which is equals to c c prime this is the c c prime which is equals to identity identity matrix is p cross p cap c c prime identity matrix c inverse c inverse transpose identity so this total we have equal to identity matrix so variance covariance matrix whose answer we have p cross p key identity matrix so this is the z transformed z follows the standard normal multivariate distribution this is the standard normal multivariate distribution so f of z equals to 2 pi minus p by 2 expected value of this this is the pdf of the transformed distribution transformed variable now we have z which is equals to c inverse x minus mu so x value we have determined so what will happen to x so what will happen here then plus mu x value and the Jacobian we have found the Jacobian so Jacobian curly z over curly x further we have solved it so z over curly x so what will happen here mod of determinant of c inverse so mod of determinant of c inverse which is equals to c c prime modulus minus 1 by 2 and this is equals to modulus of i.e determinant of variance covariance matrix i.e Jacobian variance covariance determinant of variance covariance matrix so z prime z z prime we have laid supposition which is equals to this one z which is equals to this one now further you have this transpose so transpose first comes this values then transpose is taken c inverse as it is x minus mu as it is this factor as it is this is also inverse so we can take it in one inverse c transpose c c transpose inverse this value we have taken x minus mu so we know that c c prime c transpose which is equals to variance covariance matrix sigma previously i have written that this factor is equal i have entered the value of inverse sigma t c transpose so the required probability density function of multivariate normal distribution is this f of x which is equals to this you have which one we have this is same pdf which we have multivariate normal distribution pdf same we have same pdf i.e it transformed variable we have follows the multivariate distribution if the original variable follows the multivariate normal distribution