I tried to forget I tried to stop myself from thinking  dreaming of the scenario where Merlin hadn’t stopped my blade and I had plunged it into Arthur’s heart I began to take sleeping drafts just to get to sleep  unable to do so for my worry  but sometimes even taking the drafts didn’t keep the dreams away and they were so much worse than anything I could imagine in my waking moments  that I almost wished to forgo sleeping all together until I literally dropped with exhaustion