who turns out to have had sex with a dog, like maybe a golden retriever (unless things turn around and I get to do it at Fox in which case the dog will be a chimp, but that makes sense dramatically) who can't keep a secret (see, it's a talking dog), but it takes this big check from some tabloid where they JUST MAKE THINGS UP(!)
The dog, who is a German Sheperd, is a virgin and has yet to learn how to speak.