epic rap battles of history
abe lincoln vs chuck norris
[verse 1: Abe] Four score and 65 years in the past I won the Civil War with my beard now I'm here to whup your ass I've read up on your facts you cure cancer with your tears? well, tell me Chuck how come you never sat down and cried on your career? You're a washed up has been on TV selling Total Gyms and you're gunna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon I'll rip your chest hairs out put 'em in my mouth I'll squash you like I squashed the South I never told a lie and I won't start now you're a horse with a limp, I will put you down. [verse 2: Chuck] This isn't Gettysburg, punk I'd suggest retreating for I invented rap music when my heart stopped beating Chuck Norris doesn't battle he just allows you to lose my raps will blow your mind, like the verbal John Wilkes Booth [verse 3: Abe] I've got my face on the side of a mountain you voted for John McCain I've got a bucket full of my head and I'm about to make it rain You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger but I've never even seen that show [verse 4: Chuck] I am Chuck Fucking Norris I've spread more blood and gore than forty score of your puny Civil Wars bitch I split the Union with a roundhouse kick I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick I attack sharks when I smell them bleed I don't go swimming water just wants to be around me my first make the speed of light wish that is was faster you may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master.