english: I was there for years making it up as I went along and spending a great deal of time afraid and despairing.
non_english: うぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅぐぅうぐぅうぐぅうぐぅ