I have changed my opinion and feelings on the
subject — we are in the midst of strange and;
terrible times — one is pulled a dozen differeni
ways in his mind, and hardly knows what to
think or do. Mother, I have not much fear that
the troubles in New York will aiFect any of our
family, still I feel somewhat uneasy about Jeff,
if any one, as he is more around. I have had it
much on my mind what could be done, if it
should so happen that Jeff should be drafted —
of course he could not go without its being the,

9+



Letters of 1862—3

downfall almost of our whole family, as you may
say. Mat and his young ones, and sad blow to
you too, mother, and to all. I did n't see any
other way than to try to raise the ^300, mostly
by borrowing if possible of Mr. Lane. Mother,
I have no doubt I shall make a few hundred
dollars by the lectures I shall certainly commence
soon (for my hospital missionary purposes and
my own, for that purpose), and I could lend that
am't to Jeff to pay it back. May- be the
draft will not come off after all ; I should say it
was very doubtful if they can carry it out
in N. Y. and Brooklyn — and besides, it is only
one chance out of several, to be drawn if it
does. I don't wonder dear brother Jeff feels the
effect it would have on domestic affairs ; I think
it is right to feel so, full as strongly as a man
can. I do hope all will go well and without
such an additional trouble falling upon us, but as
it can be met with money, I hope Jeff and Mat
and all of you, dear mother, will not worry any
more about it. I wrote to Jeff a few lines last
Sunday, I suppose he got. Mother, I don't
know whether you have had a kind of gloomy
week the past week, but somehow I feel as if
you all had ; but I hope it has passed over.
