With the approach of the glorious Fourth, let us be reminded? That premature explosions express patriotism; That, a busted finger hurls defiance at the British Lion; That a skyrocket sailing through paw's Panama means that this is the land of the brave; That lockjaw expresses independence and greatness; That the more noise we make, the more American we are, and That King George's people don't care a whoop anyhow, because they're busy cleaning house. The Hevellle. I've thrown away the old alarm clock. In a cage by the window ten feet from my bed there is a canary. It is a warbler and, cost me $4. The cage cost $3. The alarm clock cost 50 cents. Every time the alarm clock went off I invented a new word. Now, how different! Stay out as late as I may, with the first peep of morn my canary chirps a couple of times to feel out his pipes, then hursts into a glorious peal, and I awake, not with a jar, not with a rush of blood, but with the soothing sense of one being serenaded by the angels. Great Scheme. "You know Smithers, eh? Great chap. Smithers. Great head; fine ideas." "Something new now?" "Yep. He's got a patent on a street-car strap to hang from the floor instead of the ceiling. Huge comfort for short, stout ladies, eh?" To-Day's Best Hand-I-Filled Joke. "Well," sighed the suitor, solemnly, as he gazed into his sweet.  Heart's eyes, "we are here today and gone tomorrow." "That is generally true." broke in a deep bass parental voice from the staircase above, "but you are going tonight." Brooklyn Eagle. A Vacation Life. 