Laura Warholic
Alexander Theroux
 The Sexual Intellectual, a column that discusses anything related to sex, is written by Eugene Eyestones, an erudite recluse and spectacled Vietnam veteran, as a contributor to Quink, a monthly magazine published in Boston by (Minot) Warholic prone to pepper his verbal outbursts with Yiddishisms. Quink has a eclectic group of coworkers and collaborators, an unlikely “universe” of colorful and diverse people full of disagreement and prejudice, that include characters named Discknickers, the “pseudo-fascist” accountant, Ratnaster, the atheist interviewer, Duxbak, Eyestones' only friend, Mutrix, the homophobe lawyer, Chasuble, the homphile movie critic, Harriet Trombone, an outspoken Caribbean islander, and the lesbian pair of Ann Marie Tubb and The Krauthammer. Laura Warholic, the estranged former wife of the publisher, had moved from San Francisco to Boston and is being befriended by Eyestones. Younger than he, she is “long and sexless as a rolled umbrella” with the “small white face of a vireo”, lacks charm, interests, drive, and ambition, is unable and unwilling to work, and interested only in rock and rock musicians. He does not find her attractive but feels sorry for her; pity appears his main attractive force, yet he also exploits her for his writings. Eyestones has secret longings for Rapunzel Wisht, a beautiful young woman working at the local bakery. After writing a misogynistic and controversial essay - even Warholic finds it "harsh on the chicks" - , opining that women who create "abrogate their own psychobiology", Eyestones takes a break from writing and invites Laura on a Summer vacation drive across the country. During their tour their incompatibility becomes more apparent. Back in Boston, they start to drift apart, and Laura becomes obsessed with the Craven Slucks, a local rock band, throwing herself at its lead singer Jeff. Eyestones, after the Christmas Party of the office, joins his coworkers for a trip to the strip bar. Crayola de Blu, the seductive main attraction, is none other than his adored Rapunzel; he is angry, feels cheated, lost and deprived. In his crisis he determines that all this was his own shortcoming and that he had exploited Laura. Confessing his failures to Duxbak, Eyestones realizes that he has to ask for forgiveness. He tries to see Laura to amend, but due to a misidentification gets shot and killed. Laura, lonely and desolate, hangs herself.