Veitikka
Veikko Huovinen
 The novel begins with the birth of Adolf Hitler and his early childhood. Huovinen describes the young Adolf as a rebellious child with a weak constitution, but with an intimidating gaze and vulgar speech. Also, his uncanny ability with a rifle is commented upon. Adolf eventually ends up as a vagrant in the streets of Vienna, selling mediocre watercolor paintings. The novel suggests that during this time Hitler met Joseph Goebbels, with whom he had an instant rapport with his vulgarities and anti-semitism - the first radical departure from actual history. The novel swiftly moves to the First World War, and describes Hitler's exploits as a behind-the-lines scout sniper - who, in his spare time, criticizes the General HQ and tells jokes so disgusting that even hardened soldiers stay silent. Also his foul-smelling flatulence is commented upon. While following Hitler's rise to power from the Great Depression to the Second World War, the novel makes its most outrageous claim; Hitler and Goebbels jointly conceived the Second World War in order to "teach the pompous German nation a lesson" with two distinct operations. The first, "Operation Ulex" has the goal of starting a war and reaching decisive victories in the short term - while making strategic mistakes that will hurt in the long run. The second, "Operation Saublöder Arsch" involves deliberately losing the war, while prolonging it to the bitter end with as much bloodletting and destruction as possible. When all is lost, Hitler and Goebbels leave the corpses of look-alikes behind, escaping the siege of Berlin with guns blazing and board a Fw-200 Condor bound for South America. When enroute, they express their disgust for the servile, obedient Germans and fantasize about Latin women.