The Pixilated Peeress
Catherine Crook de Camp
 Soldier and aspiring scholar Thorolf Zigramson of Rhaetia is out fishing when he encounters the proverbial damsel in distress in the form of Yvette, fugitive Countess of Grintz from the neighboring kingdom of Carinthia. She is fleeing the forces of the avaricious Duke of Landai, occupier of her fief and aspirant to her hand. But Thorolf gains a burden rather than gratitude by rescuing the self-important peeress from her pursuers. To hide the countess from her enemy Thorolf takes her to the Rhaetian capital of Zurshnitt, where his enchanter friend Doctor Bardi undertakes to magically disguise her features. The spell goes badly awry, mistakenly turning Yvette into an octopus instead. In order to reverse the spell Thorolf must resort to the more powerful wizard Doctor Orlandus, a shady cult-leader. But matters go from bad to worse; while Orlandus cures Yvette all right, he also makes one of his spirit-controlled slaves to advance his scheme of taking over the government of Rhaetia. On top of that, his henchmen murder Doctor Bardi, leaving Thorolf under suspicion of perpetrating the crime. The soldier flees and seeks sanctuary with the trolls, some of whom he has befriended in the past, only to find them more inclined to eat than succor him; he has managed to put himself among the wrong trolls, arch-foes of the band he knows. To gain their favor and protection he promises to rid his captors of a local dragon. Accordingly, he directs them in a successful effort to capture the beast and sell it to the director of Zurshnitt's zoo. But to bind him to them, his new allies insist he marry one of their number. Fortunately the troll lass finds the hapless warrior as unattractive as he does her, and they settle by mutual agreement into a union in name only. Parlaying his membership in the troll band into a bid to reverse his fortune, Thorolf uses their secret tunnels to spy on Orlandus and ultimately to kill the wizard and rescue Yvette. The two are pursued by the late cultist's followers and trapped between them and the forces of Yvette's lordly suitor, which contend over who will get them. The situation resolved only after the duke kills the new cult leader in single combat and is then in turn bested and taken hostage by Thorolf. Meanwhile, the latter's troll wife complication is resolved when the beauty in question elopes with her true love, a stalwart troll lad. Mutually attracted to each other, Thorolf and Yvette have during their adventures alternately quarreled and reconciled, coming close at times to a physical relationship only to be thwarted by circumstances. With the downfall of the countess's enemies, all chance of this is lost; able to act the aristocrat again, Yvette throws herself with a will into raising an army to reconquer Grintz. Thorolf, as a commoner, has no place in this picture. Bowing to the inevitable, Thorolf leaves and enlists as a mercenary in the wars between the contending city-states of Tyrrhennia. Finding a more amenable bride there, he eventually returns to Zurshnitt to find Yvette much reduced in circumstances. Her bid to regain her county has miscarried, and she has had to settle for becoming the wife of a commoner after all – Thorolf's old friend the zoo director. But Yvette chafes in the role. Now seeing her former rescuer in a different light, she proposes they abandon their spouses and run off together. Thorolf, satisfied with his new bride and finally close to achieving his longed-for academic position, declines.