Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall
Spike Milligan
 The prologue consists of only two sentences, which in itself represents the word-play humour that was Milligan's hallmark: "After Puckoon I swore I would never write another novel. This is it". Milligan is at home with his family. His mother is digging the air-raid shelter when Neville Chamberlain announces that Britain is at war with Germany. The family response is for Spike, his father and brother to produce boyish drawings of war machines (the drawings are included in the book), which are taken to the War Office. Milligan receives a letter marked O.H.M.S., which his uncle advises him not to open. After some weeks similar letters arrive marked "Urgent". Eventually he opens one containing a "cunningly worded invitation to partake in World War II". About then, in an attempt to impress girls at a gym, he slips a disc, whereupon he's hospitalized to determine whether he's faking. After three months of avoiding call-up, he is given "a train ticket and a picture of Hitler reading "This is your enemy"". He searches the train, but can't find him. Part 2 lasts 13 pages, much of it illustrations by Milligan or photographs. He begins his months in military training at Bexhill-on-Sea. It starts with Milligan joining his regiment (56th Heavy Regiment Royal Artillery) late, and immediately being singled out as a troublemaker. He learns disrespect for certain officers within a few sentences, and commences sniping: :"I suppose," said Suitcase, "you know you are three months late arriving?" :"I'll make up for it sir, I'll fight nights as well!" Milligan talks to soldiers returning from Dunkirk, and sees his first German plane. His regiment is equipped with the obsolete BL 9.2 inch Howitzer. Training included the crews shouting 'bang' in unison as they had no shells to practice with. A shell from World War 1 is eventually found, and they make strenuous attempts to fire it for practice. It's a dud. A year passes, Milligan trains, the summer months are pleasant. Part 3 begins a year previously, and launches into a favorite Milligan literary aside — a long discussion of setting up musical shows, including names of songs, instruments, and players. It is playing jazz that he meets his lifelong friend, Harry Edgington, a man "with moral scruples that would have pleased Jesus". (In the biographies, Milligan variously portrays himself as licentious or unusually chaste.) The group of pick-up military musicians practices for a month, then are asked to give their first gig in Bexhill Old Town Church Hall. (Milligan's military career shifts between his duties as a gunner and musical performances.) Milligan notes that before the winter of 1940 they were entertaining nightly, which he later saw as his first steps into show business. Milligan is left off long enough to go to a BBC musician contest, where, as trumpet player, he wins a recording session with an established artist. He cuts his first records, then returns to barracks. With the introduction of the new C.O. Major Chater Jack, Milligan meets an officer for whom he has great respect ("one who I would have followed anywhere"). 1940 ends and the 19th Battery has the luxury of being billeted in an empty girls' school. The book quotes at length from the regimental war diary, describing an extraordinary day when the War Office (now the Ministry of Defence) was alerted to a sea invasion — in what was intended to be an exercise. The author now confesses that he, in error, left the word "PRACTICE" out of a transmission. Edgington and Milligan write "reams" of scenes that Milligan reckons were the beginnings of The Goon Show. Amid the continued army stories, Milligan mentions a topic he returns to, the (actual) exceptional ability of their artillery battery. By August 1942 they had learned driving skills and how to shoot machine guns. In December 1942 Milligan drinks a toast with his family that will prove to be the last for ten years. On January 8, they head to sea. Their band has been warned by an officer that if they smuggle their instruments on board, the instruments will be thrown overboard. Later in voyage, after a miserable passage, the officer asks if the instruments are actually on board (which they are), and will the band please play to entertain the men. Algeria comes into view. :"We were issued with an air-mail letter, in which we were allowed to say we'd arrived safe and sound....From now, all mail was censored. We were no longer allowed to give the number of troops, measurements of guns and ammo returns to the German Embassy in Spain. This, of course, would cut down our income considerably." The Sanitary Orderly mistakenly cleans the latrine with petrol, an officer lights a cigarette, causing second degree burns on the bum. :"A sort of British loss of face. He was our last casualty before we actually went into action. Next time it would be for real." (p. 146)