rowlint I sent it to sim


Idk why


Just did


Yea i dont wanna get into rn i dont feel like crying again today


Oh ok


Im here if you need to talk tho


Ok


Nice to know


Thanks


Ofc


Im also here if you want to talk


Thanks bruv


Stremgth


Hell yeah B


I hate it


I cant believe there are people who use cat emojis unironicaly


Ikr


Strange


I genuinely think the world would be better off without me livnig in it


same tho


i dont deserve to be alive


i dont deserve to breathe


same


i dont deserve to feel happy


i dont deserve to laugh


but i think u do deserve to live, i think u deserve to be happy


i dont deserve to feel anything other than pain and sadness


why


u told me urself mistatkes happen


i want everything to just go away


its just how we are


yeah but its everyday at this point


ya i do the same thing


i do something wrong


everyday i mess up


its how i fix it is waht matters


Taylax thats not true and you know it, youre an amazing person and deserve the world


i dont i really dont


u really do


deserve to live


deserve to have emotions


All of them


when will it end


when will the pain end


when will it go away


taylax ur literally my fav n u deserve happiness so much more in life


i just want it all to go away


It doesnt end, you just learn


ok im gonna tell u that pain doesn't go away


never does


I wish it did too


its how u overcome it is what brings you to become stronger


Im full of regret


i genuinely dont know how long im gonna survive like this


And Ill never forgive myself for a lot that Ive done, but I have to move on


i want to go to sleep tonight and never wake up in the morning


So do I


But I have to live


tay ur a wonderful person and u have done so much for me that i literally can't even thank you


no


please


that wa graphic


sorry


Im only living for god at this point


I dont have anyone else


omg u guys have so much to live for


Like what?


Cuz I wanna know


i don't know the future


otherwise i would tell u


Its only gonna get harder


but u can't just end it here when there is more to life


then u get stronger


life will always be harder


thats just life


u just have to become stronger


I want to tell you something but I feel like youd get mad


i have nothing


absolutely nothing to live for anymore


u have urself to live for, u just have to stride for greatness


im so unmoivated to try anymore, whats even the point


whats even the point of getting up


then just be free, who needs a point when u can just live how u want


Idk why anyone would hate you


You dont do anything wrong


i can't help but feel i deserve all of this


all this pain and suffering


i deserve it


well ya i saw that the same thing


i have done so much that i can never take back


i just have to live with it


Mhm


its just something i wake up to everyday


feeling


this


like


Dont be sorry


but i just wanna stop crying


and go to bed


Let it flow


tay your a wonderful person and i think u have an amazing life ahead of u


it may get harder but thats just how life is


its how everyone person lives


we just learn how to get stronger


It feels terrible in the moment Ik but youll feel so much better after


by working on ourselves


i promised i wouldnt do it, im sorry


i promise a lot of things to myself


and sometimes i fail


and thats alright


I promised I wouldnt do something tonight and I did it anyways


I couldnt help it


as long as u try to work ourselves and give the self love u need cause u are an amazing person


and thats ok


shit happens


u just go through and see what ur mistake was and learn from it


thats what u told me tay


Tay Ik it hurts, but dont let the hurting take over your life like I did


the guilt hasnt set in yet, it probably will in the morning


it stops me crying so i cant be assed anymore


Dont feel guilty


i want to be selfish with this


Be selfish


Were here for you


Let everything go


the pain... always seems to stop the tears


maybe its cause im feeling physical pain so it distracts me


idk


What?


tay


don't do that


Why physical


ik what ur thinking


don't


its already happened


omg


why


Tay dont do that to yourself


idk i wanted to stop crying


crying is better then bleedingf


Exactly


i feel kinda numb now, the feeling after a majot mental breakdown


crying is letting out ur emotion


I mean


yeah well it wouldnt stop


and i was sick of feeling sad


id rather be numb than upset


I know why you like to do that, its helpful but not for long


Its addicting


you are correct it is


And I hate it


I dont want to cry


But I dont want to cut either


this is the 4th time now


But I choose physical over mental


it feels good, in a weird way


I get that


i deserve it anyway


You dont.


You deserve to be happy


You deserve the world and more


You are not.


Stop it.


Dont tell yourself that


i dont have to tell myself it


She cares wether you think it or not


sure she does, she never cares to understand


Im sorry tay


its not your fault


it cant be helped


if i do manage to survive


You will


im moving out as soon as possible


So am I


i hate it here


i hate this country


i hate this county


My mom might kick me out actually


i hate this street


i hate this house


i hate this family


i hate it all


And thats ok


Live life how you want


But I wouldnt spend it crying


Yes its good to cry, just dont let it take over


my mother probably thinks im aokay


she always says to talk to her


So does mine


yet she isnt approachable


she is the cause of alot of my mental issues


i wonder if she realises that


i wonder what it will take for her to realise that


me snapping at her eveentually


im gonna snap at her soon


i cant stay like this anymore with her


She walks thru the door, says Im a disappointment, then yells at me for not eating all day


Then she wonders why I dont talk to her


Unless shes yelling at me


mine criticise everything i do


every littlee mistake


every little action


is the end of the world


Every. Little. Thing.


Its so annoying


it is, and they don't understand how much their nitpicking affects me


I dont know if shes realizes how much it mentally effects me


its from my weight to my hand actions when i get flustered


apparently my hand waving is an american thing


its legit just me being anxious whenever they confront me


and they get so pissed by it


i dont know why


am i that much of an irritable person


I ask myself that a lot


my mother doesnt realise my mental breakdowns can start over the smallest thing


Nor does mine


i can be upset after being shouted at and boom mental breakdown time cause pent up emotions


then she comes into my room slamming the door open screaming at me for crying


then preaches the next day abt not building up your emotions


She told me I was a hoe bc I wore shorts and I started breaking down at dinner


oh my lord


I wont eat dinner with her


I dont really eat at all anymore


at this point im genuinley considering not eating dinner just to avoid them


that would be down to one meal a day


Lily neither, but you should and i know i should


I need to be healthier


Bout its hard


But


Im just not hungry


same, i need to lose weight but its kinda hard when you dont see the point in getting out of bed and getting dressed in the morning


But am at the same time


i struggle to motivate myself to get in the shower most days


i leave it till last minute


Same


I dont know how much longer I can take this


yet my mother calls me disgusting before even trying to fathom the idea that i might be depressed


So does mine


the amount of times she has got mad at me hiding away in my room all day and shouted'are you depressed?' at me and the amount of times i just have stayed silent


she scares me


And the worst part is that she has depression


i cant speak up or im shouted at


i cant contradict what shes saying or im shouted at


And doesnt get how I could ever have it


i cant correct her or im shouted at


I cant take yelling


shes so violent


and scary


she slams doors open


Its triggering at this point


isnt afraid to jab me in the arm


pull me by my hair when shes seriously pissed


ive never forgot that incident


im scared of both my parents but i cant lock my door and it makes it worse


i want out


im so sorry lily


I locked mine


i want to get out of here


i have no privacy


nothing


Bro imagine having parents that have respect for you


Couldnt be me


lmao couldn't be me either


she always looks through my phone


They think I have no feelings


Im done with it


and its so trivial but its why i couldnt have online friends numbers even if i wanted


could should i say


she thinks everyone online is a pedo and lying abt themseleves


Wha


she probably thinks half of you are pedos lying abt their age


and who you are


she keeps asking what discord is


but my brother always almost sells me out


he never helps


Ya cuz Im some 30 yo reregistered sex offender


he enjoys throughing me under the bus whenever he gets the chance


So does mine


its like he hasnt witnessed my breakdowns before


my mother outright said INFRONT of me she cared more abt my brother when my dad died. like i was sitting there in front of her. like i get why she was worried more abt him hes autistic but why did she have to say it in front of me


everytime archie cries its panic mode


everytime i cry its just me being annoying


and a child


and pathetic


Exactly


I dont get why she cant love other peoples kids


Shes just some lady


I didnt have to end up with her


But just my luck, I did


my'simping' for characters isnt just me simping. they are basically emotional support characters so when someone calls me weird for being attached to them of having an obsession with them it hurts a little


Anime simps are the best B


And I get it


They cant hurt us if theyre not real


like Levi, i relate to him somewhat. he's lost someone, i've lost someone. boom comfort character.


seven, i relate to somewhat. hes depressed and seriosuly hates himself, wow i do too. boom comfort character


jumin, i relate to somewhat. he was trained not to show emotion from a young age, i am screamed at for crying. boom comfort character


And I get that


I get along with people that know what Ive been through


i kind of want people to understand i dont just simp for these characters they mean something somewhat so when they insult them or call me weird for having an obsession it just really stings and i become defensive


My first bsf, she lost her dad


I still blame myself for my dads death


Idk why.


my mother lost her dad too, early age just like me. well she wasnt 12 she was like 16. you would think she would understand but nooo


im sure it sint your fault lily


isnt


I was only 5


But ya


see, you were so young


I was a stressful child


there is no way you could be at fault anyways


you were a child


all children are stressful lily


its not your fault


at 5 you dont understand much anyway


And thats ok


this is what i get from being happy for ince


once


Just let it out


its always when ive had good days


always


something just happens


and boom


here i am now


luckily i dont have to go anywhere tomorrow


im not haning out


School was so hard for me


i can just curl away


i could barely do school


I faked so many smiles


you know, the time i really realised how much a good effect my friends have on my and how good my facade was was when my friend called me a ray of sunshine


the contrast to how i felt when i was alone


was blinding


My friends arent the best people to hang out with


But theyre all I have


awe no im sorry


Its not your fault


i always forget how lucky i am to have such an awesome supportive friendship group, i drifted from them after not really going on whats app and keeping in touch and i feel really guilty abt it


they are so nice to me


i dont deserve them


You deserve everything tay


Trust me


Youre a great person


you guys are so nice too


but you don't know things ive done, how i act in real life


Im really not that great to be around


how bad my anger issues are


how violent i am because ive had normalised violence from a friend from a young age


i think its normal to hit your friend cause my first close friend in this town was violent


and hit you


and it rubbed off on me


and now i hate myself


im trying to correct it


So did I, I drive everyone away Bc of how touchy I am


cause seeing my friends flinch when i raised my hand


physically pained me


and yet


you say im not a bad person


One of my friends actually told someone about it and I got in trouble


I told them it was just how I am


They told me to fix it”


i dont know how to fix it


Im always play fighting and hugging


that what i would have thought


People hate me for it


im not a touchy person and huggy person with friends cause ive been touch starved most of my life


i just want to hug and cuddle with an so and thats it


no one else


I wanna hug everyone


I never got hugs as a kid


you are like my friend ren


you two would love each other


she loves hugs


but most of our friend group arent huggy


and dislike them


you two would get along so well ha ha


I just want people to feel loved unlike me


im so unhuggy that she gets so excited when i finally permit her to hug me


I dont want people to feel what I feel


neither...


i dont think most of my friends know how i feel exacttly


i never wanna push my problems on them


or tell them


in fear of questionable looks


Neither do I


Thats why I get scared of people that ik have power


i used to be the cement that held two halves of my friendship group together


i was friends with botn sides


so it kept us


i didnt wanna seem unstable


i guess


Like Greg, everyone likes him and I dont want people like him to hate me


so i never told them


yeah i get that too


the fear that if you are disliked by someone who is liked by so many othe rpeople


that they will change how the others perceive you


I barely kept my friend group together


I did it a little too well


i gave up being the cement


i ended up taking a side


i was done with the other side


they were toxic anyways


They became friends and they all hate me


but again


im still that glue


that holds this part together still


cause im friends with everyone


i like to be liked


I stop and start fights


same...


Its annoying


im kinda worried abt simar now


I cant do anything without starting one


he disappeared randomnly


So am I


He just stopped


i feel bad


i said i wouldnt do it


but i still did


i relapsed


i said


i would try


And thats ok


but i just did it so effortlessly


You tried


god thinking abt that isnt heloing


Keep doing your best and if you need help get it


i feel like a bad person again


Youre not a bad person


i need therapy but i have unapproachable parents


Same


its gonna take me finally snapping or me cutting ties with them for them to realise i think


My therapist is my sister


Probably


they will wonder why i never come to see them


I hope not tho


why i very rarely come to see them


i will have hoped to have screamed at them by then


screamed at them for everything they did


Im never looking back after I move out


neither


Id just move in with my dads family


as soon as i get the chance im gone


no questions asked


Exactly


i get my inheritance from my dad at 18


and that can add with my savings in helping me move country


and leave


and finally be out


i have so many bad memories here


i just want to start afresh


I hate this house


I want out


with no constant reminder


Ill bet this house will be triggering to look at in 5 years


if i would want to live anywhere


its my old house


Same


there are no bad memories i can recollect there


Its where my dad grew up


But also died


i can reminisce on the good times


NoPoint you ok?


yeah... i dont think i could enter my dads old house without breaking down


i dont think i could enter the same bedroom he died without just dying a bit more inside


I just want to see him


One last time


oh god i felt that in my soul


oop tears again lmao


i just wnat him back


here


I miss him so much


i would do anything


to have him huging me rn


a n y t h i ng


I have a connection to music the same way you do with anime


And this song hits HARD


i legit imagine myself in the animes its tha bad. its a methof of escapism i assume


i mean id rather escape my problems


than face them


Its not bad


so it make sense


its just weird


Its a way of relief


and people will think its weird


I dont


I get it


and thats why its just a secret coping mechanism


Music can change my mood instantly


like i sometimes act them out by myself at night i wanna escape that bad


i only listen to music when im in the mood


otherwise im bored


I always have music playing


Its calming


If I want it to be


lmao i prefer to have youtube or anime playing


just


that sense of


escaping


even just for a bit


i crave it so badly


So do I


I just cant without it


i dont think i can live rn without youtube and anime


and i say that with uttermost sincerity


when i was watching AoT


i became hyper fixated on it for one


pretty sure i suffer from those


Aww


and then i grew attached to one of its characters


so it made me binge


i didnt wanna stop watching


and now im rewatching


just to imagine myself there


living differently


Felt that.


away from all this


I just wanna get out


I cant take it


same, i wish things could have bbeen different


why couldnt i have been born as one of them rich popular girls


Ikr


alot of my problems are solved now of i was one of em


not bullied


Im still bullied


slim and perfect


having relationships


all the things i want


but then again


even if i was one of them


I cant take it when they have everything


id lose alot of what i have now


and what i love now


Then say their life is terrible


the popular people can have hard lives sure. but when they say their life is terrible when they couldnt get the new iphone that came out


that pisses me off


i dont even get new phones


People say that about me, Im just pretty good at hiding my feelings


i have to deal with hand me downs


whilst my parents go about buying themselves the latest models


Exactly


They buy themselves everything


then when you ask maybe for christmas or a birthday to get a new phone


its an ourageous idea


and you dont have enough money


Then get me a shirt from Walmart I say thank you then they say Im ungrateful


when they upgrade perfectly fine phones


Like Im grateful for everything my mom gets me


im sitting here with my samsung galaxy s6 whilst they went from a samsung s10 or whatever to an even bigger better phone


when the phone worked fine


but here my phone is battery basically dying and the back broken and smashed


im grateful but its just


the exuses they come up with


Mines cracked and I never have WiFi


just to not get you something when its obvious the excuse is invalid after they just bought themselves some expensive as phone


The battery dies in an hour


ive just decided to save up and buy my own lmao


Same


i gave up asking them to give me just a tad better model or a new one that isnt smashed


Then my mom told me shed still be able to take it away


like i dont even want the new latest iphone, couldnt care less


i just would prefer something a tad better than a years old hand me down


Exactly


This things like 4 years old


And its so screwed


hell no


i refuse


i flat out refuse to let her search through it


control how i use it


when i use it


etc


refuse


but she likes to control me


Id yell at her the way she yells at me for touching her stuff


so she'll find a way


i should probably go to bed tbh


its like 5:40 lmao


Shell make up some bs excuse like that shes the adult


Ya we need to get to bed


Gn I love you


Sleep well


i love you too, thank you for venting with me. you sleep well too E


I hate love but love it at same time


Why girls gotta play with your feelings


its just the person ig


Yes


ya i get that


I care about yall


Damn we care about you too lily


:0 yes we do


It doesnt know what to do anymore


It's called the feeling of numbness, it happens to everyone at some point in their lives. Your not broken, it just means your brain is just so tired of bad crap that it shuts everything off, putting it simply. To stop feeling emotionally numb, you wait it out, make sure your staying healthy, get a reasonable amount of human interaction, eat and drink regularly and normally, and make sure you get enough down time also. Ways to also positively overcome this feeling, read a good book, the more emotional, the better watch a movie with others, family friends, anything goes. Y'know stuff like that, anything that would usually make you feel heartwarmed, or emotional in one way or another


I just sorta threw words together here so it may not make complete sense


Ive waited for over a year now the only thing that happened was it getting worse


And ur right I sure am tired of bad stuff happening all the time y cant I get a break


Everythings just getting worse and worse and stuff happen closer together and other levels and its all been different things well almost all different n different ways


In the beginning it was 9 months then 7 months then 2 months then 8 months then 1 month then 7 months then 1 month and the next thing is probably here soon I can just feel it


I understand you completely, I have been suffering from cases of bad luck for ages now, and this isn't your usual oh no I dropped my ice creme bad luck, it's the tough stuff. Honestly I dunno what to tell you, I have just sorta never really reacted in the first place, or when I do react, it's days, weeks or even months after the bad happening. I guess I've just never known how to react to it in the first place. Try and seek some good in everything though, if you don't feel anything from it, then that's great in one way because you don't have to suffer, it's like fulfilling a very common final wish of someone who's just died Don't be sad or suffer from my death.


Idk if its the same way for u but it effects all my feelings like if I love people 2 I just dont feel much


Boredom perhaps?


A mix of being sick and tired and absolute boredom of the repetitiveness I'm guessing


Rn I base who I love on if they would die would I actually be sad and cry or not


Or would I be able to live without them


hm, well that isn't a particularly good judgement to make, because you don't really know how you'd react truly until it actually happens


Well I dreamed that my mom died and I woke up crying so I mean something is right there


Well yes, that would be a case of your brain being tricked into thinking it's reality, dreams are a whole different


topic


Well but I kinda knew I would cry over that cuz the only times I cry is when I pms and when people die or when I see puppies


And kittens


Completely understanable


Also completely understandable, that's just you being a human being


Well good thing then we came to the conclusion Im a human


Honestly I'm not so good when it comes to talking about emotional stuff... I'm kinda emotionally numb and channel all that emotion towards future breakdowns that happen every few months... just kinda outta no where


Its okay


So I don't have so much experience in coping with it because I just sorta live along side it in away


I just dont get the time to process everything cuz it happens so fast and im very sensitive and everything


Sorta slaps you round the face outta no where and you are just left there to deal with it, I've felt that at least once


Everything is just chaos when it comes to my life


buttons my friend accidentally hurted me before and I had 3 mental breakdowns and was about to have 4 more that day


Once I had a sudden breakdown when I was walking through the corridors of my school, I just sorta collapsed and begun crying, then laughing, because I realised how dumb I looked... needless to say everyone around me was super confused


Understandable Ive had my crying moments in school


And my rage moments in fights


Only word fights tho


But they r also the most painful fights


Deffo


I've been in a few fights, all of which I was extremely outnumbered, or the other was considerably stronger than me


These were all proper beat the shite outta this guy ones


Oof


Ive only watched those types of fights


Well not rlly cuz theyve all been people that were equally strong


Yeah it's certainly an experience being in the fight rather than just watching it... especially if you being beaten


The weird thing is just how the teachers almost never do stuff about fights they just stand there and watch


buttons understandable


Also I hate being around drama and I still manage to end up right in the middle of it all the time cuz of my friends being drama queens well they r not my friends anymore


But they r still drama queens


Yeah the school I was originally in was fully aware of these things that happened everyday with many different people, it wasn't just me getting pretty much assulted, one time my parents found out I was strangled with my own scarf and the school simply told them Do not tell the police


That place may as well have been hell


Understandable and I thought my school was bad


And like our principal is discriminating her students


damn


Our headteacher used to change so often that we never had just one for the whole year


Im just happy I dont have to see her again after the next summer break


Or anything about that school


It holds a lot of bad memories


Mood.


Indeed


Ive noticed that everytime I talk about memories of the school with my friends I bring some bad memories up cuz I remember them all 2 well


I had a weird friend group... for some reason I was always the shoulder to cry on, no one had any disputes with me... I think some of them even thought I was their dad 0 0


It was a weird, wonderful, but mostly painful, time at that school


Well I just remembered all the times Ive had to go out from class to cry


And me crying on the breaks


Having arguments with my friends for treating me like trash


Screaming at a girl for being mean and some other people for making jokes about cancer in 4th and 5th grade


I had to be sent out from the class multiple times because I used to have explosive rage, which would quickly turn into a breakdown, I would usually black out and have no memory of ever yelling at anyone, then suddenly find myslef out of the classroom and on the other side of the building to where I should be


Oof


Again, weird times...


I also remember crying on the playground and almost everyone staring at me and a teacher asking me what was wrong


In


The teachers ended up getting too busy to ask what the matter was, due to staff shortaged:/


I also remember when my friend died 2 days before school starting so my mom told the schools therapist and asking her to tell my teachers so they would know why I was sad so everytime I went to class the first day every teacher asked r u ok?” And I remember me thinking like what do u thing my childhood friend just died Ive been crying for 2 days straight” but me ending up just saying yes”


buttons oof feel u tho my school is very new and so there have been a lot of truble with teachers and stuff


My old school has been having staff shortages for years, since education funding cuts in England began, and for some reason the government wanted to turn all the schools into academies and run them all like businesses, so it the end, the school just got worse, and lost a hella amount of staff, including the therapists, we call them counsellors though


We call them kuratorer in Swedish but that felt pretty wrong so


My Discord keeps freezing, so I might disappear:/


Ok Im probably gonna fall asleep anytime now anyway since its 2 am


Damn I didn't even realise how late it's got


goodnight


Goodnight!


idk anymore


Ok so youre not ok?


Im gonna call you later if you still cant sleep


no u go have fun im fine


No youre not.


yes i am


I can tell


I think we all can


You can talk to me.


i think ik how i feel


so im fine


Im still gonna call you


Please


I just want to help you


im fine


Im sorry


Can we just forget about all our problems


Just for tonight


ya i will


u guys have fun


I want you to have a good day too tho


Will you go in vc with us


imf ine


u guys enjoy


No


I want you to


im fine by myself ig


Id rather you be happy than me


Come on


Just join for a little


im good


i like being in privacy


im fine


Its fun tho


Itll be fun


then have fun


Please


i don't like big groups


im fine on my own


Same I dont like really big groups for some reason


Yeah


I'm not suicidal but I cant wait to die


same


I feel ya


Bruh im always the person to text first and i don't often even get replies so like aaahhh


SAME


Im always the one that texts first


Like literally wtfff


Then I feel like I annoy people


I just want to be wanted yk?


Same


Exactly


I feel like people see me as clingy


I am


And people know it


Yo but sammme


I cant help it tho smh


I just kinda wanna give everyone a hug


Lucky


im bad at starting conversations


and asking


to do anything


always first


like im just b a d at it


I cant talk irl


Or not irl ig


I just cant talk at all smh


Aww


I cri


Nooo


Maybe


U good bruv


idk bruv


u good


nahhh


It'll aight


u sure


shhdhd


Cant spell smh


Hmm


No not really


But im not tryna bore anyone wit anything


So I'll live


No, please. Explain


I have been deemed the therapist friend. So, Im here


Im just hella stressed and mad at people


Why are you mad at people?


Umm


Im mad it my biological mother


But i always have been


Because?


Like since i was 5


Why?


Dms


Three things I would change about me.


1. Height, I get bullied for just my appearance.


2. My anxiety and paranoia, they get pretty bad at night.


3. Be more into reading.


Are you short or tall?


Short


How do they bully you with your height?


Did you explain to your apush teacher the exact reasons for you crying?


i didnt cry in class


i was on the verge of tears


he didnt give two fucks ab our feelings except for his favorites


At least, in my HS


And sometimes theyll laugh to the point of crying because they cant stop


And sometimes you cant tell visually if someones actually sad of happy since the crying is so intense


mine is a smol private school but its full of pot and crackheads


clingy loser For a Christian school, theyre doing pretty sinful stuff... yikes


Some people feel like its cool. That there friends are going to like them more


Wow


Someone has a seizure in the hall way. Sadly I saw. But it spread quick


Mister Turtle Students see it more as a habit than a student has than thinking he/she is cool. Unfortunately, people cant read other peoples exact minds


True


My sister was addicted when she was 15


I think my brother did it at 14


Yeah


I havent smoked anything


Thats not healthy at all


Im the only person in my house


Are they off now?


Thank god


There off now


YEah


My step sister who is 16 back on it tho


My sister vapes


But now shes 19


Theres some vapers at my school


6th GRADERS


One of them is a classmate I knew from elementary


VAPED


My mom smoked with me


In side her


a 6th grade at my middle school got caught in the bathroom


And she still smokes


Oof


i still have lung problems


its complicated


I have lung problems. Its not from smoking tho


My dad tried smoking once, and he didnt smoke anymore


Just born


Im 4 11


And Im suppose to be 5 45


Cause he coughed on the cigar and immediately didnt like it lmao


Seven...


Wow


But Im starting my growth


BUT SECEN


SEVEN


I got in a fight with my brother in 4th grad or 3rd


No


I meant with a other kid


And my brother puches a 4th grader


He also threw a math book at someone


Oh no...


And punched a police officer


And my mom


so like one of my neighbors was a yr younger than me and i always hung out w him at his place and his mom was a smoker


she still is


He has issue. And his lizard helped home with it.


My 5th friend tried to make me vape. I said no


Bruh


Sorry


My toe hurts so bad


Theres smoking competitions too


I stepped on a


And it went right on the toe


And my brothers like your no bleeding


Even tho Im clearing bleeding


Yeah


i have an ingrown toenail thats getting removed friday


thats gotta hurt


clingy loser next week?


Oof


Only a week to go


I broke a tooth before


It sucked


And hurt


Hmm


At least the advantage of having so much pain is that once the problems fixed, it feels so satisfying not to feel it anymore


Holy HECK.


My leg was out


@ KNEE fr


Im in bed


But I have PTSD from keeping my foot out of my blanket


Monsters, right?


Nightmare


Okay this is what it did to me


When I was 26


And kept happening over and over


So this monster pulled me under my bed, and said look at my face


He did this everyday!


And finally I looked at his face


And looked creepy


I wanna talk to him, but how. and why he did what he did


Did the nightmares stop after you finally looked at his face?


Yes


After that


A couple years later


This black Shadow grabbed me every corner I turned. Which waked me


i lau on top of my sheets so i stay cool i have a fan and then go under when i sleep


clingy loser nice way to keep warm and not overly hot, yes


Repeatedly again


But it stopped


Stopped randomly?


Yeah


Im glad


But Idk whats next


I guess prepare for the worst


And thats why I have a fear of hanging my feet off of my end


Its better to be prepared about it than be caught off guard and even more scared


we got a new hvac system and my parents didnt even consider getting my vent checked out


oh


True


Does your room have windows?


And Im hearing things again


Just heard a beep.


And it wasnt anything else


Im hearing things


And seeing things


Seeing black firgures


I think you have to embrace the shadows


Eh


Its not dreams


Constantly rejecting them is gonna keep you worried


I just hear Th omg


I just hear things


Like irl


Oh


Nvm them


When my mom falled I kept seeing things


I need meds


Any who whats up with your life?


Im like


super unproductive


Sams


Same


Anything else?


Not really


Wait...


Do you hear” things only inside or is it for anywhere


Inside


I sound crazy dont I


Anyone sounds crazy when they dont make sense


But in todays world


True


Mental illness isnt crazy” anymore


The other day I kept hearing beeping


My mom couldnt hear it so


So she thought you were making it up?


I feel like this quarantine


MKing me go crazy


No


She doesnt.


I think


Hopefully she doesnt


Yeah


Its good too talk to someone about your problems


Plus, covids making everyone crazy, both their immune systems and their desperation for entertainment other than video games and inhouse stuff


You are not wrong


Mister Turtle its comforting when you know someone is willing to listen to your trouble and prevent you from suffering alone


Yeah. It kinda relieves stress


Or problem


S


Well I need to go to sleep. Thank you. And goodnight!


Hope you have a good nights sleep


You too


Aw Im sorry


Ive become so distant from everyone i know irl


Its wack


And no one seems to notice


Y i k e s


No problem


i just have school friends that we literally only hang out at school, i don't really have anyone outside of school


Same


im just slowly dying physical and mentally so ya thanking for reading and glldbye


I feel like my best friends hate me and they have new friends and I'm slowly gonna get left behind


Get new friends


this isnt really a vent? idk but i told my bestfriend how my birthday is soon and she didnt say anything. she sent a blurry photo with a scribbled s on it she got with this new person and just kinda forgot about me. shes replacing me and i really dont know how to act:/


im sorry


its okayy:


i feel so isolated, yet never wanna vc as much. Tf up with me lmao


maybe u feel left out?


eh not left out


just kinda like idk


umm maybe you just feel like u dont want to just talk to people through a screen


maybe you want to actually talk to people in person


its funny cause i am social here on discord but in irl i am terrible


same


maybe it has something to do with the camp?


u branched out and felt social around people at camp?


so um i dont really know how anyone would help but um this week has just been down and sad for me, nothing really has gone to my favour and thats fine everyone has bad days i just been having it for awhile and im handling it, i just try to be positive and happy and try not to lose it and i feel like im at my limit where i cannot take anything, tried to punch a wall today but i literally had no energy felt pain but im still trying to be positive, trying to relax but soon enough im gonna break that limit so hope it doesnt get to that point but um ya


You don't always have to be positive for others


positive for myself for once


Exactly


been trying


Be happy for you not others


just kinda down and sad these days cant really help that


And that's ok


ya ik


everyone has bad days


Mhm


i just havent had a good day in awhile


My mom hugged me


thats good


Idk how to feel


hugs are nice


True


if someone hated me i will still like a hug fron then


them


I mean


i wasnt planning on being here tonight but i cannot sleep


I'd feel like I'd be pushing it


I can't either


I've been drawing


its just a hug


i been trying to sleep


i want to


but cant


i want the next day to come so i can judt finish my room


Finish?


im painting my room


so rn im sleeping downstairs in the guest room


My parents are barely starting on mine


I'm across the hall


I hate it but I'm at my grandmas tonight


im sorry


Why?


Well ya but it's all good


I haven't slept on a real bed in 2 months


And I got this crappy pull out bed here


i even tried crying to sleep, didnt work


I mean better to try that way than none at all


I end up crying all night so it doesn't really work for me


well idk im just gonna be at my limit


i cant cry for too long


Once i start it's really hard to stop


Ugh


This is so slow


Can I tell you something without you getting mad


sure whats up


I cut again.


why


Idk


im sorry


I just felt like I deserved it


just be careful next time


no one deserves pain


no one


I do


just be careful and think next time


i said no one


I don't think


That's the thing


talk to someone if u think about it ok


I just wanna do it


It's comforting


lily its not healthy


I'll be fineee


Yes I will


i cant change the past but i just need u to talk to someone before u do it


if u think about it tell someone


It's when no ones around


i meant online


That's when I think


like


anyone ehete


here


or irl too


Like when I have no one


And I don't have my phone


u have everyone in the server that cares about u


I just don't think


ok next time just get the phone call me or soneone else


please


why


Idk


Just don't want to


then ig do what u think is best but harming urself isnt good


It feels good


idk


Why haven't you been feeling good?


um i hurt people, felt alone, and feel like i ruin everything and i havent had anything look up so far


You haven't hurt me


I'm always here you don't have to be alone


i dont want to be alone but i feel the need to so idk


Don't be if you don't want to


well idrc at this point being alone probably the best for me


Hmm


Well I think anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives


maybe


I'm so grateful that I even get to talk to you


And that you don't hate me


well its always nice to talk to u so


how do you hate a stranger in the 2st place?


exactly


Idek how people can hate


But a lot of people do


And I worry


I hate one person


But that's another story for another day


First step in to love.


love thy self


but not to the point of narcissism


Damn


just you know, taking care of yourself is really important.


ya ik


Ya I don't do that...


I see no point in helping others, if i cant even help myself.


True


otherwise, you're just throwing yourself in the void.


I'm trying to change


It's hard tho


you can't change in a blink of an eye.


it takes time.


baby steps


You're right


in the end, we all have flaws. no one is perfect.


I got tons of flaws.


and im trying to be better with it.


Im slightly too flawed


Yes


Bruh


Hell yeah B


inspiring


on the other hand, what's up with horror movies lately? they're so dull and very open book.


jump scares are too bland and predictive


Ikr


cause there isnt really anything scary cause we are literally in the world ending type of thing


touche


I get bad anxiety from them too


Same tho


I got blocked by saying Im dying to a girl


On dis


Damn


Yeah


Bird box was a good one kids,'twas a good one


I saw that


But not fully


i didnt watch it


Night terrors were at peak that week brothers B


fantastic


I havent been dreaming lately...so weird.


Waking up in a cold sweat screaming and crying not fully knowing what happened


It's great


I mean., I guess it's better than getting night terrors.


f same


Wait


literally cant dream at all


Have y'all seen this man?


is that the unibrow guy


Yup


I saw it


heh, no


It's scares me


i havent


Omg


just saw some articles online about that unibrow dood.


He locked me in a shed and killed everyone I loved


So that was fun


oh gawd.


Mhm


It's was


Ehm


my friend told me she had that same dream like three weeks ago


An experience


So did mine


who needs dreams then. NoT mE


She said she saw my mom in it then I showed her s picture of my mom and she said it looked just like the lady in the dream


A


She's never seen my mom until then


in the end, dreams are just dreams.


Terrific ones


but being immersed with those scenarios can be traumatizing indeed.


Exactly


I could say that maybe it has deep meanings about it, but that would just make me sound like a hippie.


ya i dont think of dreams of deep meanings


i had some weird dreams


dreams that woke up me in the middle of the night


Idk, im of those people that dont believe in those things.


and Horrorscopes


and Zodiac signs


which you can call, normal people. so I guess it's not new.


Im not a snowflake xD


I think it's cool I just don't fully believe in them


realizes that im not a snowflake


cries


cries more


xD


I try to entertain myself with horrorscopes tho.


We make fun of them whenever a friend brings it up.


like we check the horrorscope of the day and whatnot.


it's a good ice breaker, I suppose.


fyi, I dont care if you guys believe those or not. I dont judge.


im not into it but when i read my stuff it looks true well most ofbit


and that's how they reel you in.


it's all about your choice in the end


I've seen some people blaming their horrorscopes


the question is, is it really the horrorscopes' problem? or you?


yknow?


i say its me


here's a medal for you


jk xD


just trying to lighten the mood a bit:3


but i guees i failed


ya i get that


and nah u didnt


anyway, I'll try to pop more often here. you guys are swell.


thats nice


gtg for now


o/


So whats up?


why do you put.. after everything


Ah. I cant do Vc


I sound 6


Its okay.


i sound 6 as well


i cant count a single thing that has worked out in my favor


especially not tonight


Things never go out as planned, but i think thats the point of living, if everything went according to plan what a boring world it would be


Okay I need a big fat hug rn


gives hug


Why whats wrong?


I havent been at this spot since my best friend tessie who was a dog passed away and I just get flashbacks of her running round between the rocks


I just miss her so much


Aww, its so hard to loose a pet


im sorry about ur loss and its ok to miss someone u cared so much about


Shes in a better place now tho


I just lost my guinea pig and Ik its really hard


I still dont think I fully understand that shes not coming back.


Im still in denial


Its such a despairing thought you think that all of my pets will naturally die before me


but at least theyll be able to be free sooner, if you believe in that kind if stuff


Pudding


Omg


I heard about something like that


My dog did that


Her owner died


We took care of her tho


Aw, at least she found a new owner tho


Aww


I just wished I had the chance to say goodbye


I went to her grave with flowers I picked on the way


I just wish I could pet her fluffy fur one more time


Just look at her brown eye and say a real goodbye


But it was for the best to put her down I just wished I could have been there with her at the vet


Instead of waking up one day with my mom telling me shes gone


Yes


Peace is rlly something she has her grave is next to a flower field in the woods


Ty for being here for me


Nobody is saying that any of that is your fault, yes all the stuff happening to you is all bad things but the one thing you should never do is give up, you just have to stay strong through it all and keep your head held high, I fully believe that you can figure out a way to better your life and make the right choices. And no it is not normal to always want to kill yourself, if you dont have any close friends to talk to reach out to a therapist or even someone you consider friends online, people are here for you and nobody wants to see you go. I know your in pain but killing yourself isn't gonna end your pain it's just gonna pass it on to someone else


jayp I know your in pain but everyone feels pain in their life and everyone goes through hardships, it's just the strength of the person to get through it and continue on with this journey of life. And the reason I called it family issues is because it's going on between you and your family


I need some help/motivation


Im not the smartest and I always say there is a reason for everything but I cant seem to think of one for why Im not smart


What reason are you looking for?


I dont know


A reason for why I have less intelligence than most people my age


Do you tho


And with that amount of bull you memorise they calculate a number, or a letter, or hell, a number and a letter, telling you if your valid enough for a specific job


That's the wrong way to think about it though


Annnd I forgot where I was going with that...


very true


send them one back


i have


i sent pics before so they owed me


but its always not as good as u expect it to be


so then ur just like... ok well what now


This is normal, a friend of mine had the same experience and they told me, unless you are planning on building a stronger relationship with that other person, it just gets awkward and weird, they ended up losing contact with that friend I think, drifted away I guess


true


Bye


NOTICE!


Vent is still vent, please do not mind this chain of broken hearts, and continue to vent if need be!


Ehh I tend to ruin the mood in main so ima just vent” here; I just feel like I get pretty annoying, insensitive and off topic a lot. I just want people to tell me when Im starting to take things too far or if Im just being annoying in general:/


i don't think ur annoying


Also sorry that I broke the chain..


and ya sometimes people go off topic and thats perfectly fine


Bruh don't sweat iiit


I put that message there for a reason


ya sometimes the convos get uncomfortable so if it does just tell and ill try my best to change the topic


eh ty, I just know that I need to change some ways of how I act


Well the start of self improvement is recognising what's wrong, I personally, don't like judging people, even if they ask me, seems a bit too controlling. So instead, keep an eye out to how everyone reacts around you after you say something, then depending on yur judgement, experiment with different things... if that makes sense? This is just how I'd do something, so obvs you don't have to do this also


Dw about it, if people don't see that others always have room for improvement, and believe they can't change, then they are the sorta people to judge books by their covers, which prolly means they won't spend too much time on this server, because they are not worthwhile hanging around, and are generally quite mean


eh guess so


ok i am really sorry, but you opening up now is a good start, i would say take ur time and you shouldn't worry about people judging u if they ask u if they can help cause a lot of people care about you and want u to succeed and just by saying im not ok is a good start u don't have to explain to them if u don't want to its only if ur comfortable just take ur time start reaching out and say what u feel comfortable but don't lie to urself or anyone else


My mom has about 2 months to live.


I cant take this anymore.


im sorry, maybe tke a break from everything just take ur time


I cant


Shell be gone


I have no one


what about ur uncle?


Mhm


She said Id go back to my bio parents


Ill get taken away again


Then back to foster care I go


im sorry


Its fine


Im always gonna wonder what happened to yall when I have to go


maybe it will change, maybe u will stay with ur bio parents


I probably wont be able to take it and commit


Im done with everything


no lily


I cant do it anymore


Once shes gone I will be too


ik its gonna be hard but u are strong and i know u will get through it


I wont


Thats the thing


I have no one


yes u will


Im not strong.


Im very mentally exhausted


u r strong, maybe try reaching out, teachers?


then maybe police, they will help u get a home


Foster care


Im already set


They have to let me back with my bio parents first tho


Its bs


im sorry but i would say see how it goes, things might change but i really don't want u to commit


It wont change


They decided that 13 years ago


Then he died 9 years ago


And all I want is my old life back


Everyone I love is gone


Who do I have?


What do I have?


you have urself, you have people here that care about u, and u should know what u have, even if u think u have nothing there is always something


I dont have myself


I thought the people here cared about me


i care about u


and then work on urself, u should always have urself if u don't then improve on urself


well u can't fix other things when you are lost urself


Im not doing that again


doing what


I was finally happy then it happened


Im done with false hope


ok then make urself real hope


real hope is only made by urself


and only if u try


I tried and I got there


Then was let down


then try another way


Im not doing it again


try others ways


why


giving up doesn't help


at all


then what r u gonna do


Theres no point


why need a point?


I give up


if u don't have a point ur free


can do whatever u want


be whoever u want


Being who I want isnt accepted by a lot of people


Bc they have the right to kill me


By law


You really dont know what I mean do you?


Me being pan


If Im who I want to be


Im not accepted


And thats all I want


Thats why I want to hide


Give up


Commit


ok i don't get why u have to hide, just cause u like something doesn't mean u should hide cause of that


I could get killed for it


u can't


there is no law for killing people


They passed one in America


says who


It was something along the lines of


If you feel threatened by someones gender identity or not normal sexuality, you have the right of murder”


thats a lie


show me


Or self defense”


Its bs


My friends mom is a lawyer


She dealt with one of the cases


that just means they are against lgbt


which is not right


Shes not against it


Her daughter, my friend is bi


Someone was murdered bc they were a threat” bc they were gay


then they are homophobic


Mhm


The person that killed them got away with it


there are a lot of people fighting for their sexuality and ya i get that in america its hard to open up


Im not coming out


Yall are the only people that know


idk why people care about what gender they like or who it is, it should be just that if they like each other they maybe wanna be with each other then be together but so many people against that


Bc its against god” and a sin”


Like bruh


honestly once we get older and start running the world we better be changing laws


Exactly


Damn why do I always do this


you wanna grow old with me and change the laws


Yus


there you go


thats my dream, to make the world better for everyone


Thats all I want


we gonna do that


one day


we will


just have to wait


and we ill help others


and make it where everyone would want to smile


and be happy


and not be scared to come out


Im done with it


we will change it


just gonna grow old with me and we gonna change the law


Hell yeah B


Bet


Ima change le world wif my best fwiends


yes


are you feeling better


Mhm


oki good


How do you always do this


Like I was crying my eyes out 10 minutes ago


cause you need to smile until i get that hug


I really wanna hug rn


Sososoosososoosooo I went the doctor cuz I had nosebleeds everyday aaand turns out I might have something bad like anemia or leukemia or something, so they like took some blood idk how to call it to see what's wrong? I guess? Idk how to explain it really but they said that we can come back in two days so I guess I'll hear it then


But that's all


i hope everything goes well and i hope your being safe


Oh yeah thank u


I'm love sick


I miss my ex boyfriend


The one who was forced to leave me


I want him back


I'm still in love with him


But he's with someone else now


So I won't bother him


But I still cry over him


Sneak into his house and cut some of his hair of and get his make a very accurate body pillow


What


StopTheEwo wtf


its a good plan


StopTheEwo he's in New York and I'm in aArizona


my parents are lowkey terrible people. they are racist, have homophobic and white supremacist tendencies. can't parent and don't know a thing abt mental health. i legit don't know how to escape them. and its getting aggravating


God when I hear other people talking about offing themselves it makes me wanna do it more


PODDLE i get that. maybe if your friends say it around you or people around you say it frequently maybe kindly explain that it triggers you and makes you more suicidal


oh


oh, I hope that gets better for you


my mother is a generally aggressive person. im terrified of them both for past, recent and current things that have happened. these haven't really been homophobicly inclined however. it's just im really uncomfortable with them being like that and when i tell them not to they get mad and dont talk to me..


If you can, try to contact people that you know and trust and talk to them about that kind of abusive behavior. They could help you get out of that type of situation. Dunno, I dont wanna sound blunt but that might be the best option


Obviously Im not a professional in anything so take that with a grain of salt


it's like im not in any serious danger like danger of dying... well the only danger of dying i have is due to mental health which they worsen alot. idk i feel like im in danger whenever my mother storms into my room in a rage screaming... it's terrifying. i cant have my bedroom door open now without flinching or getting slightly panicked


i mean she only hit me cause it was legal spanking but she used to hit me so hard it left hand prints. one time she smacked me across the back leaving a mark and yanked me by the hair once...


i cant remember the last time she has physically harmed me but it's beeen a while but im still terrified


It sounds like your parents are mentally abusing you which is just as bad as physical abuse. You should really seek professional help and get out if that situation


yeah, i'm tryna leave as soon as possible. i don't know but my mother wants me to go to sixth form which means i stay home but i wanna go and live in a dorm to get away


that's next year cause i go to college next year


sixth form is like college but you stay at like highschool like conditions and the same grounds as the highschool


Sometimes I Wanna get High and leave my body to escape my neverending nightmare


Sometimes I just want to kms


Im just numb


I dont like me and how I am


I just want to leave this planet


And I always get told Im not sad and I dont know what depression is and it makes me want to breakdown right there on the spot but i have one time and got told to man up so Im completely emotionless


And Ive had enough so good bye everyone


This is my final goodbye


What no


Youre an amazing person


I wanna be emotionless sometimes too


I gets better


Death is never the answer


It hasnt gotten better for me yet


Ive had enough of everyone and everything


But ik someday it will


Ive had enough of life


Its hard


But we gotta move on


I always try to hide y emotions but deep down Im slowly rotting away


As am I


u shouldn't hide how u feel, everyone deserves to say how they feel, its only if ur comfortable to talk and are willing to let it out


if u don't then it will get worse


One of the kids tried to take my bracelets off today...


Ive tried to show my emotions and Ive been told to man up or to be quiet and that no one cares ie had enough


harassment


Lets say that didnt end well


i hate that just cause we are guys means we can't show our feelings


Yeah


yeah


Ive lived around toxicity my whole life


i would say if u rather not tell people how u feel maybe just write it out


like in a book


or rant to urself


Doesnt matter how you feel it only matters how you look”


Its bs


Ye I agree


if u rather want someone with you u can always rant to me in dms if u like im always free and willing to listen and helps


Thanks


I am as well


Always free


Thank you so much


but ya my advice just take ur time and try to open up ur feelings


ya but i hope the rest of ur night goes well and if u like im always free to talk


Simar you told me to do this last time


And I trust you


But


I did it again


ok lily last time i told u to try to talk to me or someone when u think about doing that did u? Lily


Ok ik i can't change the past but next time when u think about it even slightly can u message me or someone pleeease


I want to


But I cant take it in the moment


Its kinda calming


ok every hour i want u to message me


Whyy


cause


What happened


so i know ur safe


Fine


every hour just say im fine or something in dms that ik ur ok


Fineee


or 2 hours just at least frequently so i know ur safe and able to talk to u


Im gonna be able to talk


Is she...ya know?


Mhm


Sh


Thats all Im gonna say


she is fine just few things on her mind thats all


Okay


Im good


so just try to message me often ok


we can talk about anything u want in dms as along as i know ur safe ok


I feel like thats gonna get annoying to you


no


u will never annoy me


im not busy at all, all i do these days is just listen to music and play games, and u will never bother me ok


Oki


Low key wanna scream rn


so anytime just if u wanna talk about anything even just a fun convo we can talk in dms oki


Just wanna go outside and yell


Okiii


I wanna go dance in the rain


same


I did that last night


It was fun


It sounds fun


I kinda wanna go dance in the rain with someone


Just


Idk


we all know u wanna dance with kimmy


Hush


I wanna kiss someone under a streetlight at night while it rains


Im pretty simple


I mean


I just like little things


i had this ig dream of mine where i want to go somewhere far and just lay on the ground with someone watching the stars above


Omg


Im watching anime now and having a fantasy about a girl thats in it


Her


omg anime girls are hot


?Avatar


Omg simar


her


she sexy


i mean


ah


females in real life are hot too


Yoko is bae


Lmao


Eren is bae


And any women irl is beautiful


Ok so um


Yeah?


I broke it


Uh


You broke what?


If all women are beautiful


They are


DONT YOU DARE


Your beautiful DEAL WITH IT


I dont wanna deal with it


Sounds like work


too bad


its not work at all


It isnt work youve been doing it your whole life


omg thats smooth


Oh no honey


Oh yes honey


maki is a baddie


Dont make me bust for the 5th time today simar


please


I


No.


Youre cuter than me tho


your beautiful


I am not


Yes you are


Lily doesn't mean ur still not cute


See you admit it


wait


You are cute


ikr


i worded that wrong


i mean that u are cute


But youre cuter


I did it


YES HYPE UPPP


All women are cute


what im saying is that there are people cuter then me but i still think im cute so ya


StopTheEwo agree


ALL FEMALES ARE BEAUTIFUL


NoPoint I agree with that


YES


MAYBE


ya so u are cute


who cares if people are cuter


you are you


they can't be u


so u are the best you


adorable cutie


THERE IS NO MAYBE ITS A YES


looking like a cutie


I love yall sm


Its our duty to let every women in the world to know that


Other men make too much fun out of women


Lily love you too


Yall are adorable


StopTheEwo ikr


we re stopping that


Preach


rape,assault,being a minority in this world,having no say in anything and women having to protest to stop this its insane


It needs to stop now


Mhm


Yeah?


I got called every name you could imagine for getting my helix pierced


Like


Wha


I want my helix peirced


or my nose


Ooo


Apparently thats one of the most painful


but my parents wont let me do anything


I didnt feel it B


I cant even dye my hair


Aww


Wow


I dont wanna dye mine


I want to dye it BLACK


OOO nice


And make it all curly


Oml yesss


Floofy black hair


i was gonna get a perm at one point


when Im 16 Im defo getting a rain drop tattoo under my left eye


Oop


Nice


I wanna tiny cross on the side of my finger


Thats cool


I like simple tattoos


Then my dads death date or birthday on my ankle


i wanna get a diamond on my back


Or Ill get a slushy cup on my ankle


thatd be cool


I think so too


itd look cool


Yuss


I want to have good fashion but England said NO


Lmao


I might get something for the ocean


Ive always loved it


So something like this maybe


I only have baggy hoodies and jeans


I hate my fashion


I have a taste in fashion


Im ok with mine


I just dont have any money


smh


I have a dark underground style of clothing


Lets just say I have a taste


Maybe not a good one


same


Look up MXDVS


But a taste


They have my Style


But they expensive


So Im too broke


I need a reliable source of income, then i can change the way i dress


But for now i have no luck


Cotton thong


Jdifkgkrkr


I dont really go for specific brands


I mean


I like them


I like baggy and dark clothes


But I dont have an entire wardrobe of just hollister and American eagle


I like dark clothing


Hollister is like S85 for some jeans


Ikr


Id rather buy Levi


I have a pair of jeans from American eagle and they were like 130 bucks


Black jeans tho


I like supreme they have very cool vintage clothing


Do they like look cool at least


expomarker ya I love them


Yea supreme can be cool at times


Yeah


I wanna get a dress and be a Femboy


Lily coolio


StopTheEwo YES


Femboy Ollie


I STILL NEED TO SHIP OUT THE SHORTS


Simar


I dress like a les


I just watched a monkey hit the bong


and get high


Bruhhh


He was lit


NoPoint ima buy shorts like the ones on my story and ship them to you B


I wanna see now


Lemme put it


Oo


From who?


MIRROR PICS AT THE VERY LEAST SIMAR


From simar


Nice


Hers the link to it


There you go kids


those are like really hot


Slap dem cheeks sooo hard


Im getting some of those for simar


Omfg


StopTheEwo NoPoint


Nah


come back


Lmao


I like rewatching the monkey hitting the bong


Its funny


Lmao bruh


Monkey bong


Bruh


Pure beauty


Hes got the munchies


Hungry monkey


I have de hunger as well


As do I


But I dont eat as much as I should


Nomnomnom


Im gonna go make some Mac and cheese


Lucky


Its 4 in the morning


Damn


Then snack on somfin little


Nahhh


Please


Imma chomp on is sooo hard


I


Kinky


OOO


Is simar ok?


Is he?


Kinky?


Idek


Maybe


I hope hes oki doe


Okay bye


Have fun eating


Also you should go to bed soon


I watching people build mud houses


Lmao same


Ooo I love those


How they do that with theyre hands do


Skill bruh


Imagine they in


Uhhh


Anyways


uhhh


Go to bed its late


You need sleep


At least like 3 hours bro


Im not sleeping


What have I walked in on


Yes you are


Go to bed


Why not


cause I have my mini fridge full of g fuel


thats why


Lmfao bruhhh


Damn


Im staying up the whole night


Nooo


Yesss


Oof


Dude like take a nap


You neeed it


You need sleep


Its a fact


Nope


I only need hand eye coordination


Its simple


I dont need any sleep for that


I cant force you to do anything i mean it is what it is


My reaction time might be a bit slower


but frick it


Do you ever just like wanna


Wanna what?


wanna have an anime girl peg you to the wall


yes


Just like


Well have someone else peg me to the wall


I do be horny tho


Yes


I mean whats your location?


Uhuhuhuuhuuhahhehehehehhe


Link me across country


West central Florida babyyy B


Brooo


Lemme get an airplane brb


Bet


Wot


NO


Pls snipe


Butch


I was writing that


Im off the plane now


Oh shet


Bet Im picking you up


Omw


Im cuming


Oop


picks up in a black SUV


Okay I finished it


takes back to a reasonably sized House in the suburbs


Lmfao bruhhh


You lost bby gorl?


Maybe


Lemme show you the way leads you inside my house


slams the door behind you


Damn


Bet


Actually


NotSouls I gotta job for you


we continue to make sweet sweet love all night long


the end


What have i witnessed


Nothing weird at all


Nopeee


Its alll normal


Yuppp


Life isnt all about being perfect, it isnt about how much friends you have and or if your popular or not. You shouldnt choose you life or compare your life to someone elses. Everyday, I compared my life to these two people. How they are intelligent and really show who they are as a person. I wanted to be like them, I just wanted to be them. But turns out, I dont show my true self, I hide behind a happy person. Im smart, just not enough has them. And I have learned that they have theres faults and falls, like everybody else. You shouldnt compare your life to someone elses, to feel special or something deep inside. Just to let you know that your life is the way you have intended it too be. And your depressed just letting you know, nobody is perfect. And your family and friends care about you. Trust me.


Lily huh


Uh


Hold up


Lonely


wow


hot


idk


Maybe


Uhh


How u doing


fine u?


Im aight.


thats good


Just found out tiktok getting banned


that kinda old new


news


Are you ok man


me?


Yea


they made a new announcement today. Theyre tryna ban it tomorrow


Alright man understandable


Wrong o


wait is it worldwide banned or just america


america


Microsoft tried to buy tiktok but Trump wont let them


rip


What time is it for u


gonna watch anime until 2


Cya


nice thats mood


later


Woah


Idk if that was lag


Or someone deleted something


i vent to myself then delete it


its just something i do


Oh


Ok


Helo


Whats wrong?


I meant helo


Hello


Apples


I almost got stabbed today


By who?


We love being chased by four grown men


Wha


Ur ok rn though right?


You ok?


I was trying to play basketball and tons of people in blackout clothes came to the court and started asking me to move so I moved and then got chased for not giving them my ball so I ran over into some bushes where they couldnt see me


it was exercise


Were they like older than you?


Yeah


Are you


Im glad ur ok now


Goood?


yeah


Im ok


Oki


Cool man


Just afraid from going outside in case they see me


Oh so they live near you


I dont know but the court is a half a block away from my house


Oh


Damn bro


O damn


Who have you told


I just kept it to myself because I dont know if they wouldve Stabbed me because I was basing it off past times with other people


They mightve


You should really like tell an adult you trust


Yeah


Or even if you dont trust them its still good to tell someone


I think they were robbing people because a lot of them were around my area which is known for having a very Wealthy people


Maybe


possibly


but I never know


Yea


Maybe just try to stay inside more often now


Just try to stay safe


Yeah I wail


Will


Wail


Apples


Bananas


Bananaphone


Are you


Are you ok


No.


Nooo


I have.. a vent


I havent exactly um


Eaten


In like 3 days


What no


Im not hungry


Thats the thing


The thought of eating makes me sick


Idk


I dont want to


fruit


u need it


ur body needs it


I dont like it


Force yourself to eat something with a lot of calories


something like bread or pasta


Im gonna throw up if I do that


try not to think k about the sick feeling


oh


I used to love pasta


tell your parents or someone you trust


Dude


You need to force yourself to eat like an apple bro


you really need to eat and if something is preventing you from doing that then youve gotta find a way to keep your strength


I get what ur feeling bec i also dont get hungry


But you need to eat


Just the smallest bit


Im fine


No


Ur hot dude


Not


Ikr bro


You need food bro


Im hawt B


Yes but still


Lmao


You need to eat


Do iii?


Please


Yea


Fine


Ill have a banana or something


Ok


Thank you


Try to eat something else for breakfast as well


If you can


I dont eat breakfast


Just kinda cant


Then lunch


Something small just please


Its really important man


Thank you lily


Mhmm


I just want you to be safe man


Kitter


I cri


Le cat cris I cri


ok then ill just not show no more cats ig


But


Awww


well ya it is what it is


No cri


Oop


A dog in cat chat


PUPPER


Doggo


Maybe


M


A


Y


B


E


O yea


Same


so one of my friendsform my school lets name her sally created a server w her friends idk them and one of my friends in our friend group from school


it was primarily to play minecraft


but now its just random


anyways one of the friends asked who i was and i told them i was sallys friend from school


they wanted sally and i to join a call


but they particularly wanted me


and there were 2 of sallys friends who created a private chat w just me and them in it


they asked why sally hated us


i never knew this but i figured that they prob wanted to discuss it with both of us playing


so should i tell sally what they did?


they deleted the group convo so i have no proof


i feel like it would be the right and mature thing to do and she knows im blunt


Yea i think you should tell her


the thing is she went to bed


so ill just text her now and then let her know she can text me in the morning or whatever


should i just do it now


its almost midnight and she has strict parents


maybe ill text her later bc i dont want her in trouble


Yea u should just text later


oh well


i did


i pm her


its all good and settled


Nice


i challenged my crush for a 1v1 and if i won she would be my girlfriend and if she wins i give her 5000 vbucks, she won


to me thats tragic


What a tragedy


TrAgIc


Truly


Dont simp m8


Ver


Can I post a vent


ya ofc


Hehe


Vents


Are you going to post a picture of a vent sir


Oh


Omg so sad


I hope you guys feel better soon


i now have lily's booty pics


i like how u put it in vent


ikr


Its great Ik


Yall ever just feel like somethings missing from ur life n its kinda a sense of emptiness


But he broke my heart twice


o


i mean its hard to shake off feelings


I dont wanna get heart broken again


Aww:


I guess I should keep it a secret


I get u cuz kinda same


Its gonna take a while to get over that person but if u think it will be different then go ahead and try again


its really up to you but if u already got told that he doesn't feel the same then i would say just take ur time and see what u wanna do


Yeah


So many people told me to throw him away


But one of my friends


i mean if hes a good friend then i would say its better to stay friend then not talk at all with eachother


She told me to still stay with him because he might turn into a better person then he used to be before


i mean i would just stay with him cause friends are nice


i kinda did the same thing where i got kinda close to someone and told them i like them and i kinda knew they didn't like me back so it was hard hearing it from them but we are still friends


yeah'


it was hard after getting told they don't like u the same way but just took me some time to get myself better ig


Its hard for ppl to change so idk just go with ur gut


I'm still staying freinds with him


Plus he makes me feel loved


Aww period


even if where not together


Yea


yeah


I'm gonna keep him


As u should


plus I don't need a lover I got him he's my bestfreind wtih benifits


benefits


what benefits


hehe


kinda like a boyfreind but not really


ok whatever u say


like me and simar


So it turns out my boy bestfreind with benefits is now in a relationship


And hes trans so imma have to call him she


Yeah shes in a relationship and that made me miss my chance of me telling her how much she made me feel loved


i mean u still can hold on to her, she is still ur friend


Yeah


Imma just tell her how much she made me feel loved later


Aw Im sorry


But at least she made you feel loved


Im actually gonna start crying


My mom is being nice to me


I cant


I dont


What


i mean why cry for that?


Happy tears


ooo


thats good


I dont believe it


i would say cherish the moment


Ya Im gonna


Its never gonna happen again Ill take what I can get


Omg


SHES NOT BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASF FOR ONCE


HELL YEA


Omg she made a joke that wasnt rudely sarcastic I


Thats awesome bro


IK IM CRYING OMGGG:


Bruh


I genuinely think I have a disability


Idk what but


I was supposed to study for a test for tomorrow


I know nothing about the subject


And I said shell be right


I'm feeling sad today


Its probably because I have no one to love


And no one loves me


Well


I just want someone to love that will love me back


I love you


I cant even find someone that will last long


You lying


I am not


Okay


I love you too


Yay


I finally got someone


Hehe


But ur taken


Sooo


I cant love someone who's taken


Yo Kimmyy Vixoria can she join us


Its gonna start drama


i love you


Really?!


ya!


We all love you


Its true


I mean


I physically cannot hate someone


I just cant


I adore you both


Youre adorable bruv wdym


adoring luv


Y'all adorable


Adoring


Lovable


yes


Caring


And good at listening


Yo Kimmyy Vixoria can she join us


Lily yes


YUS


Yes


Indeed


Lmao


I love them all


Simars JeAlOuS


Oh well


i didn't say anything?


Im kidding Im kidding


sure


Hush child


We love you too


I wanna ur guy's child


wait what


Adopt me


Alr bet


WAIT DO WE HAVE MARRIAGE BOT


Oof


hes not gonna invite that bot


I just forgot I was already in an Efamily


Y'all got Yui bot?


god damnit


my phone died


So uh


Mileys in the ER


Same brudur


Bruh im crying idk why im not sad i dont think


I was just doing nothing and now im crying like a lot idk


This isnt really a vent


Im just a tad confused


Send help


Maybe i am sad idk


Doesnt matter what emotion you feel


Just feel it


Its ok


I do have a vent tho


Mileys in the ER atm and its all my fault


Idk what Im gonna do


My mom didnt even let me hold her


who?


The puppy


So yea


why do you think its your fault?


She got into the rabbit pellets


I brought her upstairs


I shouldnt have


im sure shell be just fine


Idk


She hasnt been eating


She wont move very much


She kinda just collapses


well she might not be used to eating much since she is a puppy


was she more active before?


Much more active


oh


well try not to worry about it too much i doubt something bad will happen


i am going to put my shoes on the rooftop


I shidded


The fact that you put this in vent


Ikr


i didnt shidded


Oh no


Very sad


If it wasnt for these pill I wouldnt be here but if keep taking these pills I wont be here


This lyric hit home frfr


Lily you actually have the cutest fu king puppy


Konichiwa


I need help


Is that Japanese?


How do I get over the fact that I'm in love with my bestfreind


what u need


When shes in a relationship


i mean it could be a love friendship


i mean i love all my friends


Yeah but I dont wanna couse drama


Because my friend is dating her


They been together for 8 months


Block the dude and steal her


Jk don't do that


I stole some girl before


You know what they say HunnyPuppy


There are many fish in the ocean


if u love her so much u should support her


and just be there for her


Yeah


emil its in the sea


OH


YE


I'm gonna use my love as a support for them both


plenty fish in the sea


ya thats good


Damn


It's cuz I'm Danish


im indian


Us Danish people got bad memory


I'm mexican


So I'm toxic


Ahh


Cartels?!


nah i like mexicans


Amigooo


Nah


i have a mexican friend


Narco


My dad sometimes shows his narco side


Mexican families are toxic AF


And also it nick name is still eoth you forever


Aye, isn't Mexican the place where a lot of people get rapped?


Yes


Ahhh


Lovely


Very good for anti social people


People dont leave there houses


The put dogs on the roofs as security


Frfr?!


See


Gives me a reason to be active


Mexico government is so corrupted


Alr this channel for help?


It's to dangerous to live there


Ah alr


So they come to the us


U a guy?


Is Emil a girl name...


Sorry


All g


Nice cut g


Yes g


I agree g


No point what's ur nationality


Mans prob


Hummm


Mix


Scandinavian


HUH?!


I'M GUESSING


I never heard of that


Alr we switch to something else than


Uhhh


Man's prob Romanian


I though he was indian mix american


He might be


Let's go back to the main chat though


Okay


We running


HunnyPuppy o


ahhh


im


indian canadian


I knew you were Indian


im kinda Australian but doesn't count that much


Mix


You a mix baby


I think I can predict the future


Or know someone without them telling


Hmmm


whats my future


eh im just vibing


thte world ending so im just living my life doing what i want


if its not then i go on with life


Absolute mood right there


yuh


i don't need or want anything in life, just vibe


Sit back, chill, and enjoy the ride


Today I went to my first kind of funeral


It was actually the wake of the funeral


Buuut either way someone died /


And today I went somewhere to remember them


im sorry for ur loss


And lockdown F U C K I N G S U C K S M A J O R S H I T E


Also it turns out I'm allowed to drink at events like this


Imma bit all over the place, maybe I'll continue this another time


If people stay in lockdown like we did you will be able to leave


We stayed in lockdown and now have 0 cases


We are allowed our freedom again


But we still have to be safe


Unfortunately, this country doesn't accept not being able to go to a damn building to go drink overpriced cheap alcohol in the middle of an already crowded city


And apparently they can't not just graze on, yet another, overcrowded beach


They also just love to go to holiday making places too, holiday homes, pitching tents in random fields, and then walking around town without masks and acting as if there isn't a pandemic currently happening


Lily What happen


Im doneee


done with what


I cant live like this


Im done with life


I cant take it


what lily


what whappen


live with what


im sorry the people around u aren;t giving the love and appreciation that u deserve


I deserve to be treated like I am


But I cant take it


Its so hard


like a cute amazing wonderful person ya ik


This is why I dont forgive myself


u should forgive urself, u did nothing wrong


never did


well u shouldn't blame urself, everyones time comes it was just her time, just support her and been with her until her last breath


its not ur fault


u can't put that blame on urself


its my fault


It is


its not


I did unimaginable things


And Im never gonna forget it


ik its gonna be hard but u shouldn't blame urself, just relax, take ur time and try to be on ur own and try to be urself and forgive urself cause i will always forgive u and love you


You shouldnt forgive me


well i do


and i can


None of what I did was right


there is no shouldn't or should


so


nothing is right or wrong


there is only choices


the sometimes we regret the choices we make


I made a terrible choice


but its only for that moment and we gotta learn to forgive


How about that


so have i


you know once i tried to kill my friend


almst did


almost


Jesus


You ok?


Ive tried that a few times


and learn to be better


I was so close one time


I couldnt take her


well then u try again


u shouldn't do other things to forgive urself


it happens we can't undo the past


only see whats in the present


and we learn from our past and try to see how we can improve


and sometimes it works


Sometimes


Its only worked once for me


And I cant take it


Ive tried and tried


Its not worth it anymore


its always worth it


i rather keep trying then giving up


Its really not


Id much rather give up


well then u do u but u shouldn't just give up and lose ur life, u should be urself and be urself


please don't hurt urself


or leave me


i love you a lot


and u mean a lot to me


I love you too


But I cant do it anymore


I cant even go 12 hours without sh


lily just take a breather


and relax


are u tired?


None of this wouldve happened if he were here


Im not tired


I am mentally


well u can't dwell on the past


Not physically at all


Its not about the past


Its about how much worse this is gonna get without him


Shes insane


ur worry about this and that but u gotta do something now not on what ur not having


I cant get away from her


How am I supposed to do anything


All I can do is sit and wait


Im sick of it


well then sometimes we gotta just be patience


Its been 9 years


Im done being patient


then take action


I cant


Idk what to do


police


No


I told you


Not an option


Shed be fine if he were here


But no


No no no


Of course not


ok then take a breath and think of something, just have ur own time have a break and see what u can do


Nothing


I cant do anything


there is no nothing


never is


I am nothing


u are everything


If Im everything you are too


lily ok how about this why not talk about this tomorrow, why not get some sleep and we can have a clam vc tomorrow morning


I cant sleep


But you should go to bed


why can't u sleep


And I cant calm down


yes u can


just take breather


This is never ending


I cant


lily


breath


I CANT


lily just breathe for me


It hurts


Im never gonna get out of this


never say never


stuff can happen


and u know this


Nothings gonna happen


My mom bought a plane ticket.


you know i was homophobic before


Im so


So so


Fucking proud of you


whats my future


NoPoint it depends I think I can predict like a few seconds before


I had that feeling that you were Bi


Im pretty sure we all did


Simar, I love you, youre valid, and such an amazing person


you are too


i love you


u matter to me


I am leg


and are wonderful


HunnyPuppy


Omg leg


NoPoint you never knew


Woahhh


Yes I am leg sweetie pie


HunnyPuppy no


Ebic


NoPoint now you know


I still dont accept myself


Idk why


Me too


I just love her


That's all I accept myself as


If I die


And you feel hard pressure on it leg


Dat will be me


Yus


Im terrified


You should be


I'm spoopy


I realize I have nothing outside of this


Wow


Do you accept me being spoopy


Yuss


I adore you sugar plum


I wuv youuu


I wuv you too


Ugh weird


No u


People annoy me


I hate people


Seriously bro?


say that to ur gf


Come on


Bro c'mon


Why you gotta ruin the mood


Lily HunnyPuppy i love you both


Fr


I love you more


NoPoint u talking to me?


Rly


Im done


I will say that


I WAS TRYING TO MAKE YOU HAPOY


Too much


U alright?


HunnyPuppy no no I meant him


I am not


Not at all


FUCK


Lily oh come here bby


Lemme give you a hug


Simar im scared


Theres blood everywhere


let me know whats wrong


Paola is very aware of ur surroundings


Hold on


Okay


Lily what we holding on for?


Shes holding on her love


guys i need a second opinion


thx xoxo that helped


omggg


I feel like everyone gets irritated when I mention that I dont like my self and idk its just harder when people seems to see something in u that u dont


Weve all disliked ourselves at times, sometimes we need help. And thats ok


Well y dont people then get that i get more mental breakdowns of the pressure they put on me than of my insecurities


Bc theyre worthless


It doesnt matter what they think


Theyre trolls


They try to get to people heads


Hell the people tonight were just trying to get to my head


And I let them


They won


Its not only peoples negative comments its their compliments 2


Like actually nice ones or just people saying it toxicly?


Actually nice


I get that.


Im sorry I cant do this rn my headache is killing me


Get some sleep if you can


I'm scared of my dad getting deported


Or him being locked up in the cage


By ICE


I know my parents dont spend time with her 3 kids because she scared of working 2 jobs to support the family because she doesnt have a diploma


My dad makes like 90 dollars an hour and gives it ti my mom to pay the bills and to buy food


I'm scared that he will be murdered by the ICE


Ahhh Im not good with this I really just wanna give you a hug tho


Virtual hug idk if that helps but idc


Thanks


Ice?


Yea


Why


I gotta go all the way to Michigan


Im in Florida


And I have to meet my biological family


Oh


Good luck


Good luck Lily!


Ty


Wow good luck


Thats crazy


omg good luck


My mom got deported a while back in 2011 and shes ok now, i feel like ICE is only aggressive to the aggressive people, and sense ur father is not a woman and hes not a child theres a lower chance that he'll dissapear like so many others. HunnyPuppy but good luck anyways. I know it can be tough


expomarker thanks


No prob bruv


You dont have to deal with it if you dont want to


I get you wanna help


so do i just unfriend him or not talk to him or what


But you have to be mentally stable before you help anyone


Just try and help without it getting overwhelming for you


Dont let it take over


ok thanks


Of course


And Im always here to talk


Damn, they arent a real friend if they arent putting your mental health into consideration. But thats just my own opinion


Lily so r u gonna go to ur grandmas?


God damnit


I was hoping you wouldnt really see that ngl


so what u gonna do


Idk


I might like it


Here hold on


oki


Update: my mom found the blade


Im scared


wha


as anyone thought of tuning away?


running


Many times


i think ill probably call runaway hotline but im really thinking about running away


ive just been never happy at home


I havent been happy here either, but ik I cant support myself on my own


just called


yes, i get that alot. but thats okay. its good to cry when you ffel like it. its not good to bottle it up and hide it away


yeah but if i bottle up my emotions i dont have anyone worrying ab me


it seems overwhelming


idk anymore


im not sure if anyone truly cares ab me and thats good bc i dont have to worry ab them thinking of a monstrosity, me


i dont particularly talk to anyone about my feelings and emotions so im keeping it bottled up


but then crying feels good


and then stressful


clingy loser i do that


i hate it


i sometimes just randomly break down and start tearing up


so i just vent to myself


it helps me


why not write down how u feel


but if rather talk to someone im always free to talk


does writing down help?


depends


in certain situations yes


tbh it honestly depends on how im feeling and/or my experiences


ok so the times where it doesn't work what do u do?


lay down and scream in my pillow


i also try and keep myself away from ppl, no matter if its family or friends


ok so would it be better if someone talks to u if writing down doesn't work?


or like someone with u like in a call?


ok how about texts?


u can text me if u want


ya ill try to respond as fast as possible if im avaibable


Maybe


why in vents?


ive done it in every channel lmao


well


most


Idk how long I can take it for


Yesterday I really wanted to cut myself


But I didnt have the chance because it would be noticable


I dont do it on the wrist


I do it on fhe thighs


But I remember one time


I was sent to the ER


Because I was extremely sick


I got better


But I still had emotional pain on my chest


Because I remember loving someone so hard


That they decided to play me


The wave memory came back


And now I'm sad


that doesnt mean u need to self harm


I self harm myself to forget the problems I'm in


And I just think about the infection i will he getting


That doesnt help


I've been in so much emotional pain I lost some of my emotions


I never felt happy in my life after I lost it


I just feel like nothing


I just feel bad for the people that are trying to make me happy


Because they know they'll never succeed on making me happy


No one can make you happy, you have to be happy with yourself


Dont depend on people for your happiness


It never works out


Yeah


But


I try my best to keep myself happy


But that never works out


But I only feel happy when my dog is around me


Because shes my emotional support animal


Do you have your dog with you?


My guinea pig was my support animal...


Yes I have my dog with me


But not right now


She left


She whent to go somewhere


Oh wait nvm shes here with me


I didn't see her


bad news,


my mom is trying to find a lawyer to get full custody and idk if i can keep bandit


not sure how im gonna be able to keep him uet


im trying not to stay with my dad


Ohhh oki


So you can keep bolty for sure


ok im gonna vent


its hard walking around with such big pp


like why is it so big


Lmao


i have to carry my pp on my shoulder


because its just that big


Lily idk about bandit hut ive had him for almost 6 years


wow ur so funny


i slapped my meat on a 11 year old the other day


and now on house arrest man


its hard


living


with this pp


Can we keep serious vents in here please?


like make it stop


i still want pp but dont want big pp


yk?


like i just dont want meat on my shoulder


laughing so hard rn


its not funny


stfu


no u


im good


you have nopoint of being here


NoPoint mb


i have nopoint in life either but im here


Sometimes it takes sadness to find the real happiness in life


My head hurts so fucken' bad


And I'm hungry too


have u taken any medicine?


and go eat if ur hungry


I've been having head aches since last month


have u told ur parents?


No


I'm a mexican


ok maybe u should tell them


have u taken any medicine for this in the past month


Only pills that makes me focus yes


Its my prescription


ok why not get medicine that will help and maybe u should tell ur parents since if its bothering u


Lemme see if I can try


My mom told me to take one of my dads pills


Do you have ADHD?


Advil


I dont know yet


Test


Someone told me that I have symptoms of ADHD


It sounds like you have adhd I mean you have pills to make you focus you get headaches and all of those are signs of it


I think I have ADHd


My cousin said I dont have it


just test to see


Even tho shes a nurse


just get a test when possible to be on the safe side of things


Idk if I can get tested


Wdym?


My parents will say it will just show off negative


My parents dont belive in mental illness


Tell another adult in your family to take u


Now thats what I call toxicity


Other then my cousins that are adults yeah


Ofc its toxicity I live in a mexican household


How old are u?


I'm trying to find my other shoe


I cant remember where I put it


I broke my fingie


My parents dont believe someone as young and clueless” as I am could have mental illness


It hurts


My mom punishment is taking my meds


Lemme adopt everyone with a toxic family


Pleeease


O found my other pair


LETS GOO


But I cant remember were I put my first pair


What shoes are they?


Lemme send


Bet


There men shoes


Size 7


Women shoes is size 9


nice


More swaggy than swag duck


Yuppp


Im 13 5”10 and size 10 in shoes help


I'm 5'3


Im literally 5 foot


HELP


EPIC


Niceee


I want to change my style but I cant because Im too broke and my style is frowned upon here


Wow


Yeah


I usely save up


Those are some ebic shoes my guy B


There is this company called MXDVS and they have all the clothes I want


Omg


I love their stuff bro


They are very ebic clothes


I love them


Yes sir


They are drippy


Like my fit


They expensive asf tho


I'm hungry


Bucket hats are


Yes


Very vibez


I love bucket hats


I want to skate and be a goth skate/Femboy


Me and my mom are going to the store to get my art school supplies


Femboy


I wanna skate


same


I want a nice black skirt


I love fanboys


femboys


I would buy one but my parents would kick me out


Why?


They are very homophobic and racist and like people wearing appropriate Type of clothing for their gender


Can I live with u?


StopTheEwo mine are like that too


Yeah


Fuck em


StopTheEwo yes


Thanks


I make money so I can support my self


Chu welcome


I can live with someone and pay rent


At dinner last night they were talking about how carrying shit of any sort would be considered a mans job”


Fuuck


At my house


You have to he quite when ur at the dinner table eating


be


Fr


Thats bs


They are toxic


Youre amazing


So I lock my door everyday and film


And edit


Yo ima buy a house with the money my mom says Ill never make and we all gonna move in :


And Im a really small Channel with less than 10 subs but its what ever


I only do it for my future wife and kids


Lmao


I want them to have the childhood I wished I had


Same


I wish one day my name will be on bill boards


everywhere


I can see that


Beck


Beck B


My comp name is Autzy and Im the next 5 years youll see that name dominating the gaming scene


Imma be big asf


Yes sir


Idek how I have three sponsors honestly


But Im not complaining


I dont get paid a lot but its money I never had


Easy enough ig


My dog tried to eat someone


I


Where going to a different store


I need charcoal pencils


Drawing with charcoal is a lot of fun


Yup


My kneaded eraser has gotten so dark


Same!


Same


I draw a lot at work


I leave it there tho


One of my friends has really pretty hands and I got a new ring so I drew it


I was pretty proud


I have the worst schedule ever


IM SURE IT WAS AMAZING BABY


It was meh I guess


I wish you kept it


HunnyPuppy can I steal groovy?


My schedule is wake up eat cereal,get high and listen to music,gaming,and Finishing it off with FaceTimimg with my gf and falling asleep on it


Name a more boring schedule


Lily no


Oki


Hes not in your vc btw


Imma get him back


Nvm you can gave him


Yay ty


AHA ur pfp


LMAO


Im sorry babes


Yeah


They died from the heat


F in chat


F


Not gonna help


You alright?


No


Valentin was one of my favorite Guinea pigs


Im so sorry baby


My guinea pig just died


She helped me with a lot


Thanks baby for your help


o im so sorry


Itll be ok


I hope so


Im sorry for losses


It hasnt got much better for me bc she calms me down so Ive been having hella panic attacks but Im sure itll be better


Yeah


I hope u get better soon


Idk i just heard a song that reminded me of my mom and I miss living with her and being around her all the time cause now i barely see her


Don't know, she always talks about coming over but never does


it's chill, at some point i gotta get over it. just gotta be optimistic she'll swing over some day


Aye 4th day in a row having a panic attack at midnight


This is greeeat


I. Cant. Breathe.


awuebo


idk how to help but


Its fine


Im not to good at emotion stuff w


quien para paja grupal


awueno masta


I feel unsafe


very unsafe


Lily :


This isnt fun


And the fact that my moms drinking again doesnt exactly help with that


Or the fact that shes gonna get back at me for slamming the car door”


coplyt play funny


I was able to get over him


Because I thought I found a friend with benefits


But no


Imma just keep looking


I just want someone to love


I'm having love problems


I hate itb


I just wish I got someone to finally love that will love me back


Is it that hard to understand?


Ive found that friends with benefits never work out


Why?


because its not real


Either makes you feel attached or more sad


Same thing with my relationships


Its just online dating


It's not real


Well same


Pretty much


Unless you meet in person


every online thing I ever had ended in me being ghosted


Well to me kinda


Online its easy to just leave someone and go be with someone else


All of my relationships last for like 5 months or less


Yeah


I just want someone to love that will love me back


But I did had a bestfreind with benefits


But we're no longer benefits


Shes in a relationship now


I dont wanna ruin that


So I'm slowly drifting away


HunnyPuppy hiii


Luv


Heyy


Baby


OH


NO I AM NO LEVELING UP


I cant summarize it.


Thank you.


Its just. Idk. Ive always felt that these feelings were invalid because of my parents


We all feel like that at some point


Sometimes we feel like nobody cares and nobody ever will, as a person with trust issues I know how it feels to just feel like your emotions dont care to other. But they really do so if you ever need someone to talk to everybody here is open


SOYA ya


Ya sorry


idk why ur saying sorry when its true


something wrong?


Nah dw bout it ah sorry for bothering ya oof


nah u weren't bothering me


its always nice to talk to u but really if there is something wrong u can talk to me but ik u don't really open up with feelings and emotions


Ya guess I'd rather show the fun side of me over others, but thanks buddy


what


@.... ana.... i can resend the message if u like


please do


i lowkey took up the whole typing thing


oh i see where it blacklisted my bad sorry


its alright


but yeah anas life 101