Ok Im not sure if this is made for vent or not but am in the wrong when a girl I used to like awhile ago told me today that she like me but I had sorta moved on and now have feelings for another girl so I told the girl who likes me now that I didnt want to date because I wanted to be able to be fully loyal to a person and at this moment I would be able to


i mean u shouldn't run around chasing girls, i say what u did wasn't right or wrong it was just ur decision that u thought was best and thats fine


I mean I liked her like 4 or 5 months ago


i mean what about the another girl


how do u feel about her?


See we both have feelings for each other but we know not to date at this time because we both arent in the right mental shape to date


ok ig maybe give it time


Fact


u can't really tell once you are both ready cause different actions can be taken place


i would say really go for the one closer to you since its a better relationship were ur closer like emotionally


Antispam has killed davina again


NOOO


SOYA ik you deleted the message but i just wanted to say that were here and itll get better:


Forgot you can see what's deleted, but thanks buddy


I am in a bit of a pickle atm


So I asked my parents for more data and they said no because I spend too much time on my phone, I spend time on my phone heaps in town because the wifi st the farm is shut and in town is the only good place but I cant go outside because I have to be covid safe” so of course Im going to be on my phone


rip


I have been on my bike most of yesterday and today


I go on my phone for 2 minutes to check details about someone who invited me to their place


GET OFF YOUR PHONE


Me too


They said when I stop going on my phone they will buy me a proper phone


As in data


Tf whats the point in having a phone if I dont use it


ikr


Pogs


Thats what I said about my Xbox as well because I went on it heaps during iso and they said go outside, tf we arent allowed to


Is very annoying


Idk how to show them Im literally only on my phone a little bit


Thats why I stay up late to catch up on the stuff I missed


HOWW


hmm


What?


Okay so um I've never felt comfortable with my body and I've been wanting to become transgender or at least transition enough to where I feel comfortable as me and I'm scared to tell my parents but I slowly worked up courage for it to go away in one minute when my parents got mad at my brother for acting like a girl and now hes not aloud to watch girly things or have girly things


What's tougher is when I came out as bi still haven't fully figured out what I am I thought they excepted me but they act like that don't so now I wonder if I wasn't their child if they would still except me


What I did is tell my my mom that I was bi with my brother


Same


Yeah


Mood


Thank you, yes that did make sense and thank you for trying, means a lot


so um i have social anxiety and idk why its so hard to just talk to someone. i cant even cross the street or pay for something without thinking people are judging me and i really just want to make the best first impressions to everyone


ya i get what u mean, its the same with me, with me its that im just too shy i can't even go up to someone and say like hi or something im always scared if i mess up or something


but its ok, it takes time to talk to someone


no one should judge you for just talking to someone or doing something that probably 100 people have already done


my knee hurts really bad but we dont have the money to go to the hospital but i need to know whats going on because if i dont do anything it could mess up my cross country and track


can you maybe do some research on it?


i cant describe where the pain is well enough to do anything on it


but i called my dad and he said when he gets home hell look at it


im just hoping its not worth going to the hospital for and i hope it heals


correctly


I hope its nothing serious


hmm, did you do any serious pysicall activity lately?


Why am I always a ghost? I try to talk to people in groups but I always get ignored


And not even here people see me


Well maybe after a hour or so


So hi person that see this message when I dont need ur help anymore


Even if I do a vent in general or any where else no one notice


Gotta just love always being invisible


im sorry jojo


Stal


No im sorry for being so unimportant to everyone sorry for being who I am sorry for being a person that has a need to be needed and noticed


hey im here!


don't compare ur problems with others


eveeryone has their own problems and it affects them


Ik that my mom is worried Im going to starve my self Ik that shes scared over my health


r you taking care of urself?


And tbh sometimes so am I


Yes but everytime I look at my self I feel thick even tho u can see my ribs


Ok jojo do you exercise?


I cant I almost pass out everytime I exercise


I get bored of eating


I do eat 2 meals per day otherwise my mom would come home an scream at me


ok 2 meals are fine so far


just try getting used to eating more


like snacks


I do that when I feel like it


Nvm


Just forget about it


o


oki


Sometimes i just wished I were dead so I could be gone so I could be healthy but the only one holding me back is my best friend I dont want to break her heart so everytime Ive been having suicidal thoughts she have been the light in that darkness the one I couldnt hurt but leaving this world


So I just wish I would have never been born everything would have been so much easier and I wouldnt have had to feel all these types of pain


jojo don't say that


u were born in this world for a reason


and only u can find that reason


Im not the only person that wishes that


So why not make her wish also come true


why


death is an answer to run away and just leave everything that u lived up to


there is always different ways to look at things


No I just wish I never existed


well u exist now


there isn't a point to wish it now if its already happen


now u just gotta go with it


and live ur amazing life


Sadly for both me and everyone Ive ever crossed paths with


its not sad for me


Okay everyone accept u and my bestie


ok there


Then


so


1 person can make a difference


as long as there is at least 1 person


doesn't mean its the end


No point speaking facts rn


Why did I have to go through this why couldnt I just be that invisible girl my whole life instead of getting friends when I changed schools or when they abandoned me


i mean there are other people that feel invisible too


why not help them?


Look the deal is I help people that feel or felt invisible to find their way in to my old friend groups but I cant find my self some true friends


ya im sorry for that, usually true friends come to u


Welcome to Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum


Known from coast to coast like butter and toast


From inland to Finland


Ulru to Peru


No other place is continued within the United States or other enviroments of the world


Welcome


Thank you for your time


Glad you could get that off your chest


why does being realistic have to make others think ur a pessimist


Because it means you dont have hopes that I could be better


It


true


but being realistic is just overall better in some cases. just hoping that the situation could be better can sometimes not be as productive as actually realizing what will or could happen and trying to take it into your own hands


good point


but being realistic can be good or bad, but it primarily depends on perception


I want a gun point


expomarker r u rlly tho?


Ive been trying to type something in this chat for a good 30 mins now, but the topic kept changing, so i just gave up bec it would be too confusing for people to read


So yes


I feel like i am really indecisive


Just go for it I say


Hmm


I was just gonna say something about death and being forgotten


And never fully knowing when ur times gonna run out


Yeah


And abt me being afraid of being forgotten


But thats why you gotta live life to the fullest


Its kinda hard to do that sometimes


For all i know i might hop off discord and never return


I just wish death was more predictable


But im not really in that mindset rn


Im tired anyways


Maybe ill talk abt it later tho


U should sleep the


Then


oops


wrong thing


looks like a good emote


what happened to the intro thing


hmm


like where you said who u are and stuff


pg


ya he is talking about the introduction


I since its 1 somewhere I can have my sad boi hours rn


Lemme in on that maam


why delete?


Why not


I mean if u need help just ask


Idk how anyone could help me


Everything is just pain


i mean everyone has different views so there is bound to be someone to help


whats in pain


mentally or physically?


r u stressed?


Idk


Idk how I feel


Idk if im fine


Everything is just happening so fast


ok what do u feel like is going fast


Deaths


Events that makes me sadder


im sorry about that ik its hard and it puts a strain on u


I dont have the time to process everything before something else happens so then im just almost done and something else happens so I never get over stuff


ok how about take a break then, try to be with urself and see how u feel about things take time off everything so u can feel free


Maybe I should take break from disc again


Not really to vent but I feel insecure and to help relieve that I take a picture of myself dailyish


To see how much I have grown


And changef


Oh nice have you seen any results


Damn it do be like that tho


i just want a hug


I give


I feel like im running from my past self, when in reality i should embrace it. Not rlly a vent just a sudden realization


Im going to bed im talkimg nonsense


Oof


i wanna see all my friends! but when i go into school i have to wear a mask 24/7 and probably cant even go towards anyone


i feel like ive done so much for every server ive in


but get nothing in return


maaan


the boys just wanna keep it lit for everyone


just get cold shouldered


I sacrifice all my sleep to entertain everyone


but we never get the proper vibes


tonight will really be sad night


i mean u could sleep we not asking you to stay up so


this is exactly what we are talking about


man trynna have fun with the server


and just get the l


man


WTF


God, its almost like the amount of time I spent researching my sexuality and the LGBT community in general so that I wouldnt offend anyone else doesnt matter to him


Wow. Thats just ducked up


Yeah


Yeah. Good choice for blocking him


I may not keep him blocked forever but hes at least staying blocked for now.


Illusive Mister Turtle we would love both your beautiful presence in the music channel right now to come vibe with us


No thanks


I was gonna say, he may have been misunderstood, but if he jokes around after being caught for being wrong and saying the opposition which they know is right is wrong


And I tried explaining it multiple times.


And he kept on going with his'facts'


Like I get that bi and pan can be confusing but Im the only one in the friend group that researches current events, problems minorities are facing, etc etc


Like Ive spent so long trying to make sure I never word things wrong to a trans person because as a bi, black woman, its important to be to know this shit


Bruh Im on my own Vc


Listening to music that wont get skipped


Don't you just hate it when you hear the question being asked: so your gay if a bisexual guy dates a guy, and vice versa if that bi guy dated a gal


Luckily Ive avoided biphobes for the most part


Honestly


Bi people are less insulted and fought against and really just ignored


Like we dont have a slur and you see less blatant biphobes because they like pretending we really dont exist or can just pretend that we're straight


Well at least they are silently insulting people rather than kicking off and having a fit I guess


I mean still bad obvs


Eh I'm tired, I'm not englishing at 100


Yeah


Honestly I just want a name besides bi and some fun classifications and maybe a baseball bat to hit homophobes with


mood


Bruh I'm surprised there isn't some HUGE ASS diagram somewhere out there...


Just imagine the organisation... O o O


Yeah'ight


Wooo


Lemme see if I don't fall asleep halfway through the day lmao


I mean what time is it for you and when does tay usually get on?


its almost 8 for buttons


tay gets on like after 8 or 9


for her


Weeelll


Thank you staff stalker


It might be later... She stayed up crazy late last night


Pfft


The lastest I've seen her wake up is 11PM sooo


i only know that cause thats when i go to sleep


she tells me when i get off she gets on


Well I mean


I should be okay to stay up for another couple hours hopefully


Its almost 1 am for me


Damnnn


Don't push yourself lmao


almost 3 am for m


,e


I did that last night then I'll stay up an extra 40 minutes ended up being the whole night


07:51AM here


idk how long im gonna stay up


I mean I stay up late usually


2 am is my general point


And then I wake up at 700 cuz school


i sleep whenever


wake up whenever


Same


usually like


or 11


I stay up midnight and wake up 7:30


i mean thats not bad


Yeah


But people should be getting nine hours or more sleep


Btw Emil still hasnt replied is that normal?


i woke up at 2pm today


i dont think ill be sleeping tonight


Nice


ya ik he hasn't talked to me about this


hehe


fun


wow


life


cool


nice talk


Sorry I was practising sport


Doing some CHIN UPS YEAAAHHH


YAHHH


Pumped


But Im still skinny so nothing changes


I MEAN MAYBE


But Im definitely getting a lot stronger than what I was


I was WEAK


What


HHHMMMnNmm


i mean everyone was weak at one point


I struggled to lift 20 kg but now its a lot easier but still struggle but Im getting there


Its just because I did nothing during our 13 week isolation


I am getting better


ya thats good


I struggled to do one pull up but now I can do five in a row


lets go


Strong shrek


yes


but now i feel bad


fuck


honestly i need to be banned


what why


so


the dude that just got banned


i banned him


cause


he said the n word


and like


yeah?


he was just saying the lyrics and stuff


hmm, i dont think thats healthy


oh sry


and he knew he had the say the word so thats kinda why i don't feel too bad


but i did the same thing


what he did


thats why i feel bad


cause i did it too


yeah i know... but unfortunately that is just how it is. you only did your job and its not like he himself is refuting it, even when they worshipped me i would have also banned them even if i was unmuting them cause that's just how the rules work sadly


wait


you said the word too?


kinda


ya


it was


like


i listened to music


and i would get the lyrics


like all of it


lyrics


that


and copy it


and send it in main


i mean soam


spam


and i didn't notice it had the n word


until i posted it


then deleted it after


yeah but there is a difference between knowing you were saying it and accidentally doing it


and i told staff after and they said its ok cause it was just copy pasting and u didn't notice


but still


yeah exactly i think it would have been the same for anyone else who just copy and pasted


but lamain wasnt just pasting stuff he was typing it out himself


please don't beat yourself up about it his unfortunately was intentional yours wasn't


It coulda been replaced/blanked


You arent at fault


funny thing is that i was ready to be banned that day


The thing is, this lot are newbies, and most of the people who join servers generally don't look at the rules, they just assume them and hope for the best, notice how most of them don't even have self given roles? It means they haven't bothered to go through that menu and haven't even bothered to take notice of the blacklisted words


You are a long timer on the server that knows it from coast to coast like butter and toast. You know that it's bad, and when you did it, you came clean and made it clear that it was an accidental copy paste situation. So there's a difference between what you did and what he did I think


ya ik that but like they hyped everyone up, looked like some people had good time so i feel bad for ruining the mood


I don't think it dampened them too much, a lot of them were still extremely hyper enough to spam main


ya ig


Its not ur fault just a mod doing their job


ya i just feel bad thats all


Understandable


I mean if you say sorry about it there will always be guilt


But you need to remember you did it on accident


Don't feel bad, you didn't ruin anything. You had to do your job and we all understand that even them.


omg tay


i am so sorry


ur wonderful and amazing and you deserve the absolute world


ik suicide seems to be easy choice but its not a good choice at all there are other ways to look into things and all that


if you feel like u need to think about thinks about urself then have a break


just be eith urself


and try to think whar u want and whar u wanna do


sometimes being left alone in my own head is never the best thing. it's why i insist on staying awake late so i fall asleep fast. it's so i don't have to be alone with my own head


ok but there is always gonna be a time when ur alone and if looks like u have a lot on your mind


and u cant just hold that in


yeah i just am not very good at being able to let it out. My head is very spiteful me making self deprecation jokes it tells me im just attention seeking. Everytime i feel like opening up and confessing to something im just attention seeking. it becomes difficult. Cause i have alot bottled up but can barely ever let it out


ok if u dont wanna say it to ervyone u can always say it in dms


i never thing ur an attention seeker if u just wanna ralk to me


i like talking to u


even if its helping thats even better


cause i would love to cheer u up


i mean there is something that happened that i don't even feel comfortable saying here...


we can dm if u want?


it can be triggering? are you sure you are okay with it?


ya ill be ok


People need to be cared for even if they are trying to attention seek, its ok to feel sad and suicidal but thats not the answer, life is shit and honestly sometimes I feel like it wont get better sometimes but trust me it does and it takes time but if you left and never came back I would actually miss you so much


Being online is different than irl and I have made so many friends here and I would hate to lose them


same


I thought I had lost a friend from this server before but they were taking some time for themselves


funny i cried when grim left


Omg


But taylax life does get better, Ive been there and was ready for my story to end but Im glad I didnt because I wouldnt have met all you


Gee


i love you all you are all so amazing


today i tried to double jump irl and fell on my face


Nice


She's deployed


o


um


any other relatives?


that like live with u


Nope


I might call my grandma and tell on him


ya ig that cause hes threatening u which is not what parents should do


Its just how my family was raised ig


sometimes its like that


I tell my parents what the point in having it if I cant go on it, but that can go either way so


Someone please tell me how they became smart


study


Unessersary amounts of unless conversations


Wha


Like I got top 1 percent for my age group in Tasmania


Ages ago


But now


is it a concetration problem?


Idk what it is


or just understanding


I study


Nice


I think


hmm


how do you study gee?


In my room listening to music to help me focus


how many days before a test do you study?


Depends what its for tho


Idk sorry


Like we have class to study for it


Like say it was math test, the math lesson before the test we would study


when i study i do it 1 week in advance to let everything sink in and then the last 2 days its all practise


this always works for me


also when you study togheter with some1 you'll usely memorize the stuf better


I cant tho


I get distracted really easy


Thats why I use music


i stay at school till i finish that work most of the time so i dont need to do it at home


We cant do that tho


but if you talk with some1 about the stuf you learn do you still get distracted?


oh


Yes


hmmm, what distracts you most of the time?


Everything really


Talking


Painting


Nature


But music doesnt


Its weird


oke


what sort of music do you listen to?


instrumental or?


Country


and some newer


Kina mixed


Kinda


and you dont get distracted even if they speak english in those songs?


Nope


Like I sing but focus better


would you say you are distracted from this conversation rn?


Kinda but Im tired


But Im not doing Anything else


oki


when you are making the test do you feel like you are doing a good job but are still falling?


I had a test few weeks ago and I was confident at the start because I understood those but then I just couldnt think how to answer the rest


hmm, do you think it is a problem of applying what oyuve learned?


I just struggle to remember because I have it but I doubt myself and think I got it wrong then I get confused


So because my parents used to throw things at me Id come to school with bruises and cuts all over me everyday


My kindergarten teacher noticed and actually called cps


I got taken away from them and went into the system


Went to quite a few foster homes then the lady who I now call my mom met me


Adopted me


Then my adoptive dad died


She went into depression and sold our house


We moved in with her new also abusive boyfriend


my mom was still fostering atm and he kicked them out


And I havent seen my foster siblings that Ive known my whole life in 7 years


Anyway


He walked out to live with his ex


So all my mom had was us


And its still like that today,


My moms depressed, alone, and because she was so stressed was diagnosed with cancer


She just went to the doctor and they said she has 6 months to live


And idk whats gonna happen to me and my siblings if she dies


Anyway Im done ranting yall need help with anything?


AAAw Im sorry about that


Its fine but if I ever leave the server and dont respond to anything I was put back in the system


Oh


gl with it


They wont send pick of bob and virginia


i bought a piece of clothing that i thought would look good but now im looking back and realizing its going to look so bad on me and im sad now


I hate when that happens


right


Gee sry the moment i said that my laptop died and i was already at school


All goods


bet


ive been used 3 times. i feel like its always my fault because im too soft with them but once im friends with someone they mean the world to me. i asked one of them for advice i was very suicidal and self harmed quite alot when the day before they said i could tell them anything. i told them i was self harming again and opened up to them about my trauma; they thew it straight back in my face. they told me go get a therapist and dont put the pressure on me, its not my problem if you want to die in the end i was the one who had to apologise. she then begged me to buy her stuff the next day. it was so hard to cut her off a few weeks later. i feel like my next best friend is using me aswell and idk what to do anymore.


Omg im so sorry


ya i get that too, everyone i talk to so a new friend to me, i would literally do anything for someone to be happy


and i understand how u feel


If u ever wanna talk about anything u can always dm me


ill try to support and comfort as much as possible


just be careful


and if u need anything just ask


toad 3


relatable except the self harming part


ive had wayyy too many friends take advantage of me


i hope u feel better when u get a real good friend


People who quote Joji in bio because they arent like others


HADHSUSHSH


People who put in their name and/or mention their sexuality as much as possible as if its a personality trait or quirk


i mean if you are really that bothered about people being open about their sexuality and are open enough to talk about it frequently it begs the question... are you really not just gotta lil bit of homophobia in you. Because if you didn't it wouldn't bother you.


Ventilations Machines


Ventilations


Machines


my point isnt that the people are open about being gay, its that they push it upon people lmao. just something i noticed, plus i never said i had a problem per say w this.


'push it upon people' what is that even meant to mean...


dasjbdsdasdas


as


oof


have you read anything ive said


oh my


treee


do u agree wiht loaded diaper


hello


no


oh


i care


care about?


stop with the spam pls


its not


hmm


oki


sry my bad


i care about you disagreeing


cool thats nice ig


toad 3 i get that, im sorry but thats really just life alot of people are gonna fuck u over at the first opportunity they get for personal gain just choose ur friends wisely


rip


treat it like omegle, start w age and gender


I did


Lmao


I blocked them smh


im totally fine


Jk plz help


buttons YOU WERE IN MY FRICKEN DREAM


you asked me to dance with you Oh my goOOdneSS


WHY


PFFF


I WAS PINGED 4 TIMES TODAY


AND HOLY HELL THIS WAS THE BEST ONE


WHY WAS I IN YOUR DREAM LMAOOO


objective: i wanne make some1 happy


Situation: i talk with the person but i did something negative and i wanne make up and this goes against my objectives


question: how do i make up for it?


buttons LMAAOOO l DON'T EVEN KNOW


bro when did juice fans start getting so sensitive


wdym


apparently some girl got doxxed because she danced to one of his new songs. they warned her not to do it and she still did it. she shouldnt have done it but i dont see why doxxing was necessary


why shouldnt she have done it?


and they protect themselves by saying they are just respecting juice


because they didnt want people dancing to his songs to ruin the album


at the end of the day they just diminish his name more by doing all of this


and its not the first time someones been doxxed because they said something slightly inconvenient towards juices music


i just dont get it


ye but of course they only back it up with the fact they are just respecting him but thats something that really puts a bad rep on that persons fandom which leads to putting a slightly bad image on the person themselves


im one of the many


Who are you talking about


Just ask for forgiveness


Theyll probably talk to you about it


hmm


oke


omg im so sorry


you dont have to respond cause its not even important to any of you. i dont care if it sounds like im asking for attention you can think that all you want ig, it just makes me think if this is all worth it. i mean youre born to just die and i dont get the point. i saw those guys when i was with my sister for her birthday and i always saw them in publix all the time and now thats just a memory. im just wondering if any of this is worth it anymore. no one really cares until you die anyways and theyll probably forgot about me in a month after i pass its just want happens. after someone dies in my family we dont talk about them cause itll make everyone sad. thanks for reading this ig


this probably doesnt even make any sense but who cares


oh my god, riley im so sorry


Riley Im incredibly sorry. I dont think people will forget about you in a month whenever you end up passing. My great grandma passed 4 years ago and I still think about her nearly every day. A million people may not remember you but its those select few that keep your memory strong and Ik these are just words but even so. And sure for some people they dont really interact with you until you pass but some people do and those select people are the ones you really gotta hold on tight to


Im so sorry that youre going through all of this and I know no amount of Im sorrys is going to change how you may feel about all this but just know there are people here and hopefully irl aswell that are here for you


Damn Im so sorry about that Riley


But people will always remember you


so like idk if anyone can really help with this but like i was helping out a friend and they were really sad and i tried to help and mid way when i was trying to help, my dad came and i don't like other people looking at what im texting and who i am cause i like to keep it private if it is like a dm and my dad was like what r u doing and saw i changed tabs so i had to show him the messages and this person was sad and said they were a bad person and he saw that was like who is this and im like its a friend and i get he is overprotective but im always by myself i mind my businesses i literally do most of the things i do now alone and he was like who what friend where do they live and was so demanding which i get trying to be a father but he got mad at me for having a friend who wasn't doing their best and was like they are a bad person and u should only talk to people around you and im like ik what im doing and he just doesn't listen to me and just controls my life, my mom is fine with me doing things as long as i trust her cause i do i talk to my mum most of the time and some stuff but my dad literally gave me a lecture for talking to someone that wasn't feeling good and i got mad and no i didn't do anything stupid and i can't really say anything back cause he pretty much owns my life but ya kinda had to get that off my shoulder but im fine thank you


Thank you for sharing with us


Im so sorry for that simar and if you need to talk you can always talk to me you havent done anything wrong dont ever think you have I get what you feel like and I want you to know that Im here for you and Im sure most people in this server are too


i don't wanna weigh people down so im fine nothing to worry about im fine on my own


Youre never gonna weigh me down


Youre always gonna be welcome to vent with me


its fine, im usually on my own so i should be fine


No. Im not letting you hurt


ill be fine


If you need absolutely anything Ill be there


I just want you to know that


ya ik but i dont need anything ill rather give stuff then take


Id rather you take than hurt


Yes!


You wouldnt even be taking from me


Russia


Hello. Your probably know me as a random person your never met. Well that may be true. Awhile go my friend committed suicide. I wanted to do the same, but I kept my head up. If you ever have thoughts or questions, or even need someone to talk to. You can dm me, and we can talk a bit. Just letting you know, your life has a purpose. You may not seek that purpose yet. But eventually you could save one life. Just letting you we care for you. And that brings a impact for your family and friends. Just letting you know. Again. If you need someone to talk to, I can be that guy.


Feels like I'm being lead on


He havent reasponded back to my texts for lie 4 days straight


I'm extremely worried


o


did he say anything to see why he is


He did say that his mom is gonna take away his phone when she sees him with it


so then its maybe is that


Yeah


But I guess it's just thoughts


Maybe it's thoughts


ya i understand


its ok to vent


but don't get too stressed about it


I go stressed easily because I've been left before really badly


I've been in 6 relationship


I left 2 the rest left me


o im sorry


I've given up finding love after my heart got broken


But I got myself in another relationship after that it only lasted for like 3 months


I didn't wanted to be in a relationship


But I some how got into one


I just wanted to feel loved for the last time


its alright


If the one I'm in ends I'll go loveless


I can't feel loved or love somebody


I know I'm toxic because I want you to stay and make it work amd last longer together


I'm scared to being alone amd lonely


maybe try making other connection


friends?


Friends they just leave


then they aren't tired


i mean ture


true


sorry my head hurts


They just leave me without knowing how much they hurted me


im sorry


I'm emotionally damaged


I'm taking therpy


That helps a little bit


o thats good that ur taking therpy


Yeah


i mean im always here to listen and help out if u need anything


That's what they all say


One even said that they promise to check up on me everyday non stop


well ill say this i will be here only if u want me to be here and as long as im able to text u i am here


They just left emotionally hurting me


i can't check up on you everyday but i can try my best to see how you are doing once in awhile and if u ever need me im always here in here or dms


i have never left someone that needed me


Really


yes


Because everyone leaves me when I needed them the most


people have left me and ik its happens


but ill try my best


if u need me im always here


Thanks


np


just stay safe


take care of urself


and talk to me if u need anything


I can't take care for myself


I don't how


at least try


know


just try, slowly


take some steps


see ur health


see how u feel


see what your day is and see how u r able to protect urself and stay safe


Mhm


if u need help for caring for urself im here to give some leads or just take care of u


Okay thanks


cause she has me rn, hes drunk out of his mind and has already called the cops on her once when i was 6 cause she had me


ok if he is drunk then it wouldnt get u introuble right?


or ur mon


mum


it can


its my dads day technically and she can get in trouble


Wdym she had you


i mean she had me at the time


i got a concern but i have no idea how bad it is


for context, the master bathroom is next to the main bathroom in my house


Oof


when my dad is in the master bathroom and im in the other not to stalk, i hear him talk on the phone


he takes his sweet time too


Mom


Grandpa been real quite since this


Quiet


Otay den


i asked him whos on the phone outta curiosity a few yrs back


and he gets really defensive and screams at me saying its work not as were next door to each other


he does it in the bedroom and in the living room when im not there


he could do it in the office but its next to my room so he doesnt do it there


when i walk to the kitchen or pass by the bedroom i hear him mostly consoling the woman saying shes beautiful the way she is and stuff like that


I see I see


my parents are MARRIED, but they fight a lot


the things i hear him say doesnt sound work related at all hes a behaviorist/psychologist for the mentally disabled


he typically does work related calls on zoom on his laptop


Im sorry


Be careful about it


Telling ur mom wont make you a brat, i feel like it would be better for their relationship to end either way


Just be careful


Cus ur dads clearly not happy with her


True


bc that alone isnt the right thing


If you tell ur mom in private do you think she'll tell him that u told her


confront ur dad and make him tell her himself and if he doesnt tell ur mom


she exposes everyone no matter what


as little or as big


i will say this


a few years ago she did say if i could afford it, i wouldve divorced your father right away”


bc housing is expensive here


AND


whenever i go somewhere with her alone, she always complains ab him


but my mom would be powers if i told her what my dad does, even if my prediction is true


i do know what his coworkers sound like as ive met them before


Damn


Yea i bet it does


Theyll get divorced eventually, its kinda hard to keep a secret like that


ye


its just that theyre not the age u would expect divorce to happen


theyre above the age of 50 thats all i can say


Im sorry man


I think its best to try and convince them not to fight as much as possible and try to make up, and prepare for the worst


Its better to feel that you try to keep the family together than feeling that what you did is pointless


Does that mean the arguing has been happening more often?


yes


it just gets worse and worse


Then have they been constantly worried over something?


i have no clue


the current worry is finding my social security card


i need it to take my DMV written test


Cause if its true, then Id say they try to take a break, find something fun to do and enjoy


For you and your parents both, cause it seems youre also stressed out


very


ive been stressed bc i was supposed to take the test at school the day quarantine started


i have a softball game tuesday and they might both be there


maybe they can have a laugh


Thats good, hope you win


Also for drivers test, the only thing I really worry about is long af lines


Amusement park lines cant even compare


Well its a few months until then, so you got plenty of time to ace the test


i took a test just like it online and i got a 93


no


Youll do great then


What is it


Ventilations Machines that can power the world stage in Ghost Town the Ventilations Machine is good to create a lot of fax machines, Prepare for the Future!


sadness


thats it


U ok vio? bug


Simar you should check snap


sure


idk who to stay with when my step mom and dad legally divorce


ur dad


since ur step mom doesnt have the same dna


But what if its not the right choice


Ive known my step mom since i was like 5


Stay with who makes you most comfortable


And welcome


and choose which parent is best for u


will u have chance to visit the other at some point?


I think maybe


This is gonna sound super self centered but like I get these episodes where I cant stop thinking about doing bad things to myself, I dunno where to post this but like I dunno man my anxiety is through the roof for some reason


I need to vent I have a friend who has been in a Bitchy mood pardon my French an idk why but regardless me and my friend are both streamers and she started ahead of be by a few days and so we both decided that we would both make a discord sever and be partners in it and slowly over time we both started gaining a good amount of people and also my friend is a moderator and a big sever with 6,000 people and that sever is very strict with advertising but just because my Friend is a streamer THEY ADDED A WHOLE CHANNEL FOR HER now I know I sound like I am over reacting until her discord sever started gaining more and more and more people MY BEST FRIEND WHO WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR YEARS BLOCKED ME AND MY SEVER because why she is ”famous now”” I just miss the time where my BEST FRIEND and I could just talk and talk and talk for hours and now I cant talk even get ahold of her anymore people change and sometimes its not always good so if anyone ever has been blocking out a friend because ”your famous now”” stop you made friends with them on purpose


Wow its feels good to vent


And the only way I can get her ” I need to be famous ” do you know how hard it is to do something like or to get famous in general


I miss my friend


im sorry your friend blocked you and did what she did, seemed like maybe you both could've talked abt it and maybe work things out:


I can barely get ahold of her


Tho


I feel like crying, but can't so now im just sat here like:/


felt that


honestly as a guy i feel like crying would be weird and when i do its that i think i shouldn't show or tell that i am


i hate that. i hate the entire idea that guys cant and shouldnt show their more vulnerable and emotional side. I like to see guys be emotional and show that side it makes me feel trusted for one but it also shows im not interacting with someone who closely resembles a rock


you see now i wanna just give you a hug


and that's fine to do that, to clarify, that's how a normal human being would react to such things


see my parents kinda knows this that im a very emotionally person, when they argue and like scream at each other or like joke around and seems like fighting i tear up im not good with people fighting so when it happens here kinda hits me


i have been in those nights where i cried all night hated it but couldn't really stop but can't really change it now


i still do have those nights where i cry but music tends to calm me and usually i just listen to the beat which helps so ya


otherwise without music i would be gone


c'mere. its hug and cuddles time. seriously you need them


but like my bad for turning it on me, r u ok?


i have no emojis cause no nitro but :


NoPoint its idk what it is its a mixture of a lot of things, i think. idk exactly what it is. also dw i dont mind!


what do u feel rn


and also sometimes i get that people just be sad together it helps so if u want that i can be that


idk i just feel upset, i don't really know why or if anything triggered it


hugs


:, 3


ya idk if im gonna be much help rn im kinda in the sad mood too but if u wanna explain how u feel im always here to listen and help as much as possible


ill dm you i dont wanna say it here


oki


THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR GRAPHIC DESIGN ARE KINDA NOT GOOD .


rip


sending my condolences


that man got flushed


bug send me ur voice


WHYYY


IDK


this mans obsessed


asdfghjkl


awoidjaowidjaoda


qwertyuiop


zxcvbnm


i just want music


et bot


im gonna go back to music


awejdjsjsksjs


ya i mean ya teens really get put the most stress cause its the stage we process on more to the world and how it works


ya but everyone can get through it and ik u can ik its gonna be difficult but we all learn to get stronger


I dont know if I will make it thru


All this bs weakens me and I cant take much more


Before I can take in something traumatic something else happens


what happened this time?


Its just my mom and a couple other things, its stressful


wanna talk about it?


I might if it really gets to me, but Im ok atm


okay good


well if you need to talk i'm here


I have no idea what vent means


it's where you talk about how you feel and stuff


oh


ok


thanks


mhm


This.


wow


Love her


So


So so muchhh


i can't imagine that, I learned like last year that my mom was gonna give me to my family in West Virginia so


wait has she only texted u once?


No I couldnt take it anymore thats practically all she sends me


Bullshit like that


if you can you should just block her


Shed beat the living hell out of me


wow, abusive and rude. thats a bad combo


And thats on toxic parenting


My parents were like that to, luckily dcf got involved


Damn


Happened to the last 3 sets of parents I had


last 3?


Indeed


I feel bad for you


Nah its all cool


Oh yeah, she sent me that while I was fting my therapist


did you tell him?


I told her and shes gonna get someone to tell her to stfu


wait who?


Sorry I went to get water


your good


thats good


I've been through some rough things in my life to so I understand kinda where your coming from


tough times make us stronger


AND HE ALWAYS THREATEN TO KILL ME WHENEVER I HUNG OUT WITH HIM


AND PUT ME IN A HOSPITAL FOR TWO WEEKS


thank you very much


No prob u deserve more praise


So being a human has positive and negatives. The positive is all of the cheerful moments in your life. Your happy days, and your best day ever days too. And even thoughts of your happiness and excitement. And your negativities are, your down days, your terrible days. Which we all experience. Days we all just want to end it all. Days we can remember what pain we felt. The days where we all lost it. And just stayed in our rooms, crying. Thinking unbearable thoughts. And how every mistake builds, and eventually will go away. I surely have gotten days like this. I have ADHD and paranoia, and you put that together, you get so scared that your cant even sleep. And I think of theses thoughts when at night. Which wont let me sleep. And nightmares which traumatized me. That happened for years. Same nightmare. When I was younger I wanted to be a nice looking dude, which I cried. But then they have her there downs too. There falls. And I regret many mistakes, but I know most people has those same mistakes. Mistakes are things your learning from. But then I know, that my life has a purpose. I havent seek yet, but eventually I will. And now, I am a happy person. I forget those mistakes and think positive. At school, Im the reason your smiling. And you can be that person too. Think positive thoughts. And your mistakes will eventually fade away.


Just had to get that off my chest


Mister Turtle honestly felt that, thank you


OOO


NoPoint Yeah. Your welcome. I try to help


I HEARD SHOVEL?!


Yeah


Metal


Bet Im in


Lets go rn


Same


YES GURL


Youll drive


BET


ILL GET THE SHOVELS


SOFIA WHATS THIS DIPSHITS ADDRESS


peachfizz


YEAH!


Bet


Simars driving


no dean is


Even better


Nothinggg


i live in a different country and u want me to drive


Maybe


Youre picking us up


Deans taking us on a lil road trip


We going


Ye


Indeed


You are right


I am right


So when we gonna get picked up?


Ask simar


bruh


im in a whole different country


Come to Alberta simar


Wait no Ill come to you


Sorry


But it izz what it izz


I dont know the feeling of Tourette


OMG


I do be dabbing tho


True


At school


dab


ooo


Its not just that lily but ye ig


juju ona beat


You can saybad words without command


Hit people


bro i think thats cool, sorry if im offending


It hurts


No ur not


expomarker Ik its just what happens a lot of the time


Its funny sometimes


Even if attacks


I dont have it. But TikTok


It doesnt hurt to tic


Oof


i think its cool but ik some people will disagree


Ye ig


I dont disagree tho


I thinks its pretty epic


You dont want to have it


You can hit people. Your self


I do be dabbing


And it gets annoying


After time I bet


im not saying that i want it im saying if i had it it would be cool


Mister Turtle thats not that common, people just stare a lot especially with my vocal ones


But yea only the dabbing one is cool


I dont know that much


The other ones are bs


Probably


Mister Turtle its oki most people dont


Oh.


Okay.


Edumacate us


Hmm


I guess sure


Yusss


ya i had a teacher that like had to rub her chin with the back of her hand and she made a noise and she was a chill teacher, really good at teaching honestly i would love to have her as a teacher again but ya i get that it would get annoying but i don't mind it


Do you have any questions Lily


I educated you my life. With ADHD and paranoia I mean


I have a question


Oki


What is it


I have ADHD and anxiety


And insomnia


So. Are you affected by it at school?


I also have anxiety


But I dont show it


Most people dont, and Ive had multiple anxiety attacks where no one noticed


I only had one before.


My tics became more noticeable as soon as corona came and i havent been at school since then, but in public people think im on crack


im sorry


Wow. Im sorry to hear


Mister Turtle they aint fun I can tell you that


No its all g


Yeah. I know


expomarker aww sorry bout that


My brother has them all the time


Sometimes they go away for hours at a time


Thats good


I just have to avoid the triggers but thats hard to do sometimes


Triggers are what gets me


It must be hard


I have a lot of triggers


I dont know your POV. But it seems horrible


People looking.


see this is why one of my reasons where i tend to not talk to others of how i feel is cause i feel like people have it worse then me and my problems aren't really big or serious compared to others but like it is what it is ig


Like Im short. And I get bully for it. But wow. Im so sorry


Its not really that much of a problem


Yeah.


They arent as bad as you guys might think


NoPoint someone will always have it worse than all of us, just clear your mind


Yea true


Think positive


Its hard to do that


Be the one to put a smile on someones face


expomarker no thats not what i mean im sorry that it showed like that


expomarker it is. sadly.


Just clear your thoughts


For get the negatives


Forget


Yall better give me your negatives


Ill take those thanks


Okay. Then


NoPoint nonono ur perfectly fine i just dont want you to think that i habe it super duper bad and i also dont want you to feel like your problems dont matter


Lily it be like that


Hey. We all make mistakes


Thanks for caring tho


Later niko


Okay. Bye.


True


Your welcome


Ly cyaa


Cya


NOOO


God damn it


what?


Theres no cure for Paranoia


GOD FRICKEN DAMN IT


I know


do you have paranoia?


Yeah.


At night it starts to kick in


as weird as it may seem, I literally never feel anxiety, paranoia, or depression


which is weird and good I guess


Texas Toast thats good


Lucky for you


At night I get so paranoid, I will put a chair against my door.


Or even grab my dog


I need a therapy pet.


but it's strange because literally everyone should, like my brain just doesn't function right, like I can't stress either


You are so lucky


You probably can sleep


most likely


Probably do anything


oh my sleeping is so bad


Oh oof


i cannot sleep at night well, I'm just a night owl though


but I did just take a sleeping pill


Nice


I have to do a sleeping pill to


I get my paranoia from my thoughts


Like at night. I get so scared someone is gonna break in


Or something


I just completely clear my head


Around that


I try


which is probably hard to do


But then a think


Like when I was younger


A thing would grab me under my bed in my dreams


Nonstop


Happened everyday


26 years


As a kid I was terrified of that but now it doesn't bother me at all


I just cant stop


like I'm more worried about the bears and stuff that live outside my house in the woods


Oh heck.


I would be all paranoid about things


Not giving ideas. Because Im already thinking them


one night the bear actually broke through my wall and put his paw in my room


that was scary


omg


That had to be


I was just chilling and I had heard scratching at my wall and I put my ear on the wall and then just left my room and we called my uncle to scare it away


Wow!


yeah, fun night


I wouldve been scared


Terrified


to be honest after it left I just went back to chilling


Wow


I couldnt do that


a bear has also tore down the screen on our door


there are bears all over the place where I live


Okay. That has to be s sac Cary


That is so scary


I wouldve pooped my pants


you just got to deal with it here because there is nothing I can do to get rid of the bears thats legal


Wow.


Sorry to hear.


nah its fine, I'm really tired now so I'm gonna head to bed


goodnight


If i were dead, maybe people would care”


felt that but like i care


This is the part where I tell you I'm fine, but I'm lying I just don't want you to worry


ik a lot of people can relate to this just wanna say the person that ur telling if they are trustworthy enough they will always worry and just wanna be there for you and make you feel happy so you can enjoy ur time together thank you thats all i like to say


...Everyday is like a new sunset”


Anyone feel like every choice they make is wrong


Every choice I make seems wrong


Idk


I try to make the right decision but it always turns out to be the wrong decision


Like today it was either stay at my Nans again for the second night in a row or go to town


I went to town because I didnt want to stress her about looking after me because of my arm


But being me as well I always think about bad stuff like on the way to town I thought what if we got into car crash and my dad died then when my nan found out dads mum she fell and died because she is old


Like I feel like I have anxiety or something


But I dont know how to tell someone


Like I always just wait for them to find stuff out and not tell them


Idk is there an anxiety test or something I can do online because I dont know if I have it but I feel like I do


If anyone responds can u @ me in it Im about to go sleep


Bye


ok making choices is difficult yes, but there really is no right or wrong, u make a choice and go by it and yes there may be some downs to this choice but u still go through it


and i would say its easier if the person knows you have anxiety so you know they will help you or try to calm you down when you are


and its alright about thinking of bad stuff


you think about it cause u are scared its gonna happen and tbh i do yhe same


im so careful with my brother outside like i will literally get a panic attack if he falls on his bike


but u gotta realize that you should he safe yes but also try to enioy ur time and not thinking about it and u can have it at the back of ur head just reminding but try to enjoy urself u cant really enjoy urself if u keep thinking something bad will happen


Gee


Idk


Gee Okay. So. I have those days were I feel like every little movement is my fault. And everyone hates me. But when I go to school, I think thoughts like that. What will happen if my mom died, etc. I feel like your anxious.


im sorry


Ok thanks its just I cant really help my mind wandering off because it happens really easily


ya its totally fine


it takes time


Whats wrong with me


I cant feel anything


wait what


nothing is wrong with u


My mom told me she has 4 months to live


I said k”


I really need help


that respond is fine, you are abused by her and that respond is ok


Its not ok


All she told me was how terrible of a person I was for not caring


And I do


I just dont show it


ya and its ok to be that, everyone is different for how they care


I do and dont care at the same time


Im sorry


its alright


Its not


yes it is


All I do is hurt people


no u don


tt


And its not right


u have never hurt me


It feels like it


well i feel the same when i talk to people


Ik for a fact you wouldnt hurt a fly


Thats just how you are


and ik u won't hurt anyone


I dont try to


Yet I still do


and if u don't intend to then its not ur fault


It is


it isn't


then thats me its my fault too


cause i hurt people


and i don't intend to


I feel bad for most of the people that have met me


so then we are a same


You havent hurt anyone


Thats the thing


i have


Name someone youve hurt?


And you havent hurt me


ariana


mandi


mason


my abusive ex:


josh


prabhjot


prabhdeep


wait


wrong way


i have many names


What are we doing?


i have a life outside of discord


i have people i talk to otherside of this server


and i have hurt many people


Ik you wouldnt hurt them tho


and i don't intend to hurt them


but i do


and its ok


What are we doinggg


idk


trying to help lily


Stuff


Ha


Cri cri


I dont understand why people feel the need to tell me im undateable


ive been told i come off as mean and/or pushy when they first meet me? am i like that ik yall havent physically met me?


Griffiths Whoever says that is rude and im sure ur very attractive and amazing and im sure there will be someone for u


clingy loser i mean what do u feel like as u first talk to someone


i honestly dont know


i literally set my feelings of myself aside and forget ab me


well i say u should focus on what u feel like, what u want to do and how u want to do it


and theyre a nothing wrong with that imo


Dont scare me


Im scary tho


Joashus Whoever says that is rude and im sure ur very attractive and amazing and im sure there will be someone for u


NoPoint hopefully


Its like a meme at my school to pretend that they like me and then say they was joking and they wouldnt date me


Ive had someone pretend to throw up because of it


Thats not


Uh uh


Where do these kids live?


Just for a little science experiment


Oklahoma


Im finna dox some kids lmao


Jkjk


Unless...


It just hurts man


Yeah


Im perfectly fine


are u tho, im always here 3


Nahh I feel like Im using u and I feel bad and I dont rlly trust people with some stuff


MILFMASTA420 i get its hard rn


with no motivation


I was supposed to be home last month, now I'm stuck here for a while.


im sorry


covid kinda screwed everything up


I just thought that coming out here would make me feel whole and on top of things.


it chose the worst time to exist in my life


sometimes we make choices and we end up regretting and thats ok


I always wanted to do something cool like I'm doing rn, but in reality it's just extremely boring and unfulfilling.


what are you doing thats unfulfilling?


Mostly nothing, and that's the problem.


but I'm a PMC aviation mechanic in Afghanistan.


Voltstrick oh, using me? whenever you do trust if you ever do:/


look im definitely not the right person to talk to about this but if i were in your situation, i would need something to distract me from everything


i actually did need that recently i was talking to NoPoint about it a while back


ya i get that, not a lot we can do this situation but i would say maybe get a hobby or maybe try to have ur own time and see what u wanna do


just take ur time and see what you think u need


the whole lack of trust” episode that my friends and i went through and i just really needed some time away from everything that was going wrong in my life


i would say try to do something that makes u happy


bug yee idk I just feel like u r like not Liking it just like dispensable and I dont like it :


a break really helped clear my mind and i was able to work out the problems that i was facing with my friends


or if its a person then hang out with them


Nice


Grayt thats good


I'm not trying to be a complete downer here, but I seriously don't even know how to be happy.


Like all the things that used to bring me joy don't.


i understand. just know that we are here to help you and if you need us, we will always be here to talk


Indee


I'm just coasting through life on autopilot.


Bruh its dangerous sometimes


MILFMASTA420 why not try new things?


I'm not suicidal in any fashion so don't worry, just dealing with some stuff inside.


Would post a meme to lighten the mood but its vent


, it's kinda hard to try new things in Afghanistan.


Can u teach me german


There has been some stuff I thought about, like writing. Every time I start I criticize myself into oblivion and delete whatever I was writing.


i would say just take ur time and see what u can do ik i dont know a lot of what u can do in afghanistan but i would say just see what u feel like would be nice to do


ya writing is really good thing, it helps if you just write how u feel


MILFMASTA420 save it just to use it on Another person or save it to just try and grow from it


i like making stories or used to like making stories like cool dreams that i had and it really helped


I had a dreamare and I hate it


Cuz it blended with reality


like one thing is that everytime u wake up quickly write on what happened in ur dream


Ever hear of imposter syndrome?


That's me.


no i havent heard of it


NoPoint i remember my dreams


ooo i know that one


MILFMASTA420 yes


When I write I feel like I'm showing my true colors and I freak out because I don't want people to know my true self.


that sounds difficult to deal with


MILFMASTA420 bro its alright easier said than done tho


but i can slightly relate to it


Yeah I know the effect and I sorta too but like oof


why not write in secret for now


I work in a field where nothing is truly secret.


Cuz


oh.


There you go made


but honestly i think u should open up, ik its not my place but honestly opening up is really good and u feel a lot better


Bro why dont u just do it in a dm with nobody in it


Gc


I've had government agents follow me around, I've had my phone tapped, my hotels bugged I wouldn't be surprised if someone was monitoring this.


MILFMASTA420 dang bro thats fucked up Can u even escape soon?


It just comes with the territory.


bug yee idk I just feel like u r like not Liking it just like dispensable and I dont like it :


Voltstrick:/


i cant imagine the feeling of not having privacy. im so sorry you are dealing with that right now


F bruv


They'll probably keep tabs of me my whole life.


ya im really sorry


Gray same sorta


no one should invade someones privacy like thst


Petition to Send Drake into a better world


Kinda funny, I asked them if they wanted me to submit my phone for data retrieval and they said'We already have everything we could ever want from your phone.'


OO


Bruh they runned through ur shiz


bro do you know when u are leaving from Afghanistan?


Be like it do.


Also no, I'm kinda stuck here for now.


Yeah maybe in 12 years?


No replacement inbound so I'm not outbound.


I could just go home, but my company wouldn't like that.


so u cant write on a piece of paper?


like for the writing


ofc


I'm sure I could, but I'd rather use my computer.


IDC if the government sees anything I do.


moreso my coworkers.


or family


or friend.


You'd be surprised how little they care about and how much they believe in freedom.


ok so then maybe if u rather not show ur true colours then i would write on a piece of paper but once u feel comfortable then type on ur computer if ur comfortable with them knowing


It's more about showing my true colors to the people I wear a social mask around.


Write the ur deepest stuff on paper and then burn it


If u hate it tho


So it leaves


I like burning


Same


fire


Fire is awesome


I had a short poem I made up the other week, but now it just feels so cringe.


I like twirling staves of fire


MILFMASTA420 pass it bruv


r u able to show it?


fire dancer is what it's called I think


If u r dms if u dotn want to show it on the server


hol up, I texted myself the poem


Nice


If I am he, and thee are me, then who are we?


We are but one, like the light piercing through the veil of night.


thats really good


ya


That 1st part SO SCRUMPTIOUS


That 2nd one was so like gloomy and cold


Its awesome


Not in a bad way


It just set up the tone and shit


Pretty awesome ngl


ya i think its really good


Yes


It primarily came from my religious?/philosophical beliefs. It's hard to find someone who understands the concepts.


Yo throw it


I like religion stuff


ya i dont know the meaning or the background of the poem but i really like it


And philosophy


It's pretty wacky and quite long, so since I g2g soon I'll just say the meaning of the poem.


NoPoint idk how to Interpret but i think its him going through with someone idk


We're all one soul experiencing our own creation through an infinite number of eyes.


or lifetimes.


o damn well like to say it was nice talking to you and i hope everything gets better for u


MILFMASTA420 deep


That do be sounding like life yh o


Idk but like dang


I am him, you are me, we're all the same person just different timelines and lives.


Dang


That do sound awesome tho


Legit if we all fuse all religious and philosophy we might end up with a new universe


I have a split opinion on the universe idea.


I dont rlly have one but I prefer the bang one cus it sounds the coolest


Yee


Either we're the only singular consciousness with free will in our reality and everyone else is an NPC in our current reality, but simultaneously everyone else is experiencing the same thing and the universe creates a mesh of intersecting timelines.


This is too much for my brain


F brug


MILFMASTA420 plot twist tho:3


Or a mixture of determinism and free will where everything is set in stone looking back, and everything going forward lies in the sea of probability, and there is only one true universe but the culmination of collective consciousness decide what that universe is.


That other one sounds like the One when you figure the meaning of life or reality it wraps into a more confusing one


I think if life has a meaning it's to escape the boredom of immortality.


the meaning of life doesnt have 1 answer


i would say u make ur own meaning of life for ur life


Its what u decide


U put the rules u put the code u r ur own god


Yeah, but I mean from the perspective of the infinite.


Yes


This turned into a vent debate


Not debate just ideas being said


Which is cool and I like it


It helps when I vent my thoughts.


ya thats good


Yess pls do


Ur a genius in the making


u are free to say ur thoughts here no one will judge


Indeed


flash backs to people dissing me


Nah, It's just nice being able to talk about these ideas.


Nobody really listens.


im listening


Like my wife. Broke my heart when she wanted me to stop talking to her about stuff like this.


o im sorry


I understand her perspective, she was annoyed and felt like I was just trying to teach her something, and she didn't care about the topic.


but yeah I've just stopped talking to her about what I think and feel..


Which I know is terrible, but I feel like I'm bothering her when I try to discuss something like this.


im really sorry about that


but ur always free to talk about it here


I just feel like I have to teach people what I think in order for them to understand what I'm saying and thus be able to talk about it.


rn im currently busy in main so give me a second


u do u boo


Gonna loose my phone :


why v


Cuz mother


No one texts me unless I text them first, if I say no one talks to me they start talking


Why?


i mean its ok to text someone first


if u say no one texts u they feel bad and text y


I feel left out


well why not create a bond with someone texting, ya sometimes u gotta text first but ig it takes time


I dont get invited to many places but yet at school I feel popular but out of school Im a nobody to most people


aame


I had bonds but I ruined it


same


the thing with me is that i dont mind being alone


ik a lot of people dont like being alone


but sometimes its nice and quiet


and maybe trying getting new bonds


Yeah ig


ya


and if u think no one texts u then talk to new people


I have different friend groups but never get invited anywhere


im usually left out in most groups im in


but i dont really mind like i said ik fine being alone


but ik u probably dont feel that way


so i would say try to look at different directions


see what else u can do


I used to be alright with it but now its just different


I dont have any friends out of school apart from cousins


r u able to make friends with ur neighbors?


Dont even know them


None my age


We rent a house so


o


maybe try seeing if u can bond with them, u can be friends with any age just be careful


They are adults


Both neighbours


what about around ur area


Dunno


I dont go out a lot because no one invites


So


maybe try going out and seeing who u can meet


And Im very socially awkward tho


ya i get that maybe try just take ur time and try going out once dont really socialize yet just go out see whats up and see how u feel


Yeah ig


But my parents dont really like the idea of me going by myself


Am I making this difficult for you


I feel like I am


no its fine


go out with cousins then?


Yeah I guess


They live other side of town tho


And my parents think my cousins mum my auntie is kinda crazy


But the town isnt too big but its to big to ride across


do ur parents let u visit them?


Not often but sometimes


Like 1 every 2 months


Or less


o


is there anyway that u get out?


Wym


like do you get out of the house?


Not a lot really


And schools back now so I cant go to farm


u had ur winter break right?


I dont know what u call it but its school holidays


End of term


wait but its like winter for u guys right


Yeah


ya


have u gotten ur weeks off because of winter


3 week holidays


Over now tho


rip


but summer break stars decmeber right?


Idk


well summer break shouldnt be too far away from u


Is everyone ok?


Kinda


You?


Ever listen to music you listened to as a child just to feel something


Indeed


Gee Im just fine


funny.3168 yee


expomarker


hm.


alright bet, in the next 1 or 2 weeks something bad is going to happen to me. I have a weird feeling things have been going to well for me, so like..got that bad sense in my stomach that somethings gonna happen.


what could it be? idfk. But just calling it now


okayyy i always think your gut feeling is correct so just stay safe okay?


Have had that feeling before, but for me, it usually comes when Im having a streak of good times


if that means you have to be overly cautious so be it


im probably not helping but im a superstitious person to begin with so i don't really have much optimistic advice here


heh yeah idk.


Idk why i don't feel great lmao. Like everythings cool. I'm fine.


Its the worst feeling though when you let your guard down and that bad thing comes as you let it down


thats what i think is gonna happen


Yeah i get that a lot, like currently rn just make sure youre prepared for whats about to come


my guards very down


rn its not cause i'm thinking too much, but then i'll just ignore it, let my guard down, and something will happen


but hey


its fine rn


I mean, theres many decades to come, theres gonna be a bad thing as some point


exactly


Its best to be able to tank it


If its unavoidable


yeh


or maybe nothing will happen.


just gotta wait and see


Yeah


taylax have you even slept yet


ive had some shitty things happen to me early on. one of the worst things, my dads death, i had a feeling would happen at an early age. idk i just had this feeling it would happen. and it did. so i now trust my gut feelings mostly


NotSouls nope, my parents arent home yet and its nearly 5am


im kinda on edge


sleeep


Please sleep lax


Go sleep


also oh. Wow. I guess gut feelings do matter


yeah sleep


And as a positive usually when I have the mind set that I know something is gonna happen the opposite does


so what does mine mean. low key scared to find out buuut its cool.


but yes taylax sleep


sleepeth


knock yourself out


NotSouls surprisingly they do their jobs when theyre right, which is a lot of times where they are right


Yeah ill say trust your gut but try staying as positive as you can


idk if i can, im worried have had coffee


Dont overthink so much that you actually manifest something negative happening to you


my parents never said when they would be out till


but


Caution is good


its nearly 5am


Im sorry about the tragedy


But overthinking is not


when i overthink i use the playlist i'm listening to rn lmao


its never been this late


Lax do you think you could try to sleep


Pop on some calming music


Maybe drink some herbal tea


who wants the sad playlist lmao


ASMR helps me sleep sometimes I can send ya some stuff


And yes please


idk i just kinda wanna make sure my parents arrive home


ill try


I understand that feeling completely


im too much of an overthinker


Bettyboopatethemoon Oh gosh ive been doing that


idk what link works lmao


Its super okay to worry and care but not so much that it hinders and damages your own health


Unless youre a parent then thats just what ya signed up for


Thank you Jack


Dont overthink a lot of the time as well


gonna just listen to this for the rest of the night lmao


ive already lost one parent. so i guess im just worried abt the other


life dislikes me


so i always seem to think the worst


When you think the worst does there seem to be positives outcomes


Or negative


That makes sense, but you gotta ease up sometimes, or youll feel worse about bad things to happen in the future


Awww luv, youll be ok. Maybe theyre staying with a friend. Have you tried texting?


I mean ik sometimes I think the worst and the exact opposite happens and it turns out lovely


if they found i was awake this late i'd be murdered


Please try to sleep


Taylax thats exactly how I feel


Its not easy


yeah just sleep, they'll be there


I understand youre worried but theres nothing in your control you can do


Chloe is right. Maybe some sleep will do you good. Theyd call if something happened.


exactly


Rest is good for everyone


yeah but if the worst of the worse happened how are they gonna call


I learned this thing called Radical Acceptance its accepting the things you cant change and although its hard to practice step by step it gets easier


Im a huge hypocrite but it does help


And lax


The police would call. An officer would show up at the door. But that hasnt happened, so youre ok.


If something happened someone would let you know


yes but what if that happens, what happens to me after that


Your feelings are so so so valid but you need to rest


where do i go


what do i do


Dont think about the what ifs


Think about the now


Tay, please just get some sleep.


You need it.


Calm your racing mind down.


This might help you calm your minds a bit, can you name 5 things you can see


Please go to sleep


i just want them to come home, or message, or call, they called at like 12am but idk what they said to my brother


apart from telling him to sleep


Your brother wouldve said something.


Its ok Tay. Youll be ok.


and even then, if they do come home, they could be quite drunk


Take a few deep breaths.


yeah tay they probably think you're fast asleep


and an argument may happen again


i dont want that argument to happen again


which you probably should be asleep


And hopefully youll be asleep


Lax Im gonna dm you


Itll feel like anything can be bad when you constantly expect it to happen


if its anything like the last time, i will wake up during it anyway


Bettyboopatethemoon okay


Put headphones in.


I can give you a playlist if youd like.


jeez guess theres still a little emo in me looking at my sad playlist


You may have gut feelings of a bad feeling about to happen, but sometimes they are complete guesses. Constantly worrying about them is unhealthy... try doing things to relieve yourself


simar no you help


just talking to someone in general always helps, even a little bit


You know youve helped me more times than I can count


if i talk to someone it some how leads to me hurting them these days i feel that more and more so im just gonna be quiet, ik people might not see it but its true so


Yk yall can talk to me right?


Sure


couldn't ask for a better, more supportive discord to admin for. I love you guys.


like...really.


love you too souls. i feel the exact same abt this server. im very glad i stumbled upon it


dm open if anyone needs to talk


people know what they themselves think, including their thoughts about how other people see them, so if they think themselves that theyre not needed by other people, theyre gonna believe that


Ive been getting really depressed because Ive had a lot more time to just think” and Im realizing a lot of things that are kinda upsetting


ya i get that


I just want my existence to be important


Probably the only way to relieve that feeling of whether youre needed by others or not is for those other people to tell them directly that they are important to them


Hmm


Its my speculation though


Literally no one hits me up like ever


but if I ask a question like that, Theyd feel obligated to say that I do mean something


Yea felt


People often say what they think you want to hear


If that makes sense


Ill be honest and say that I am religious, but its become increasingly difficult for me to live for this god”


I think it depends on how much of an impact you have on another persons life


Like being their best friend


they put so much pressure on everything I feel like Im gonna explode


Brb


Its all about getting good grades and collage”


Because only smart people go to collage”


but its not true


ikr


My parents still believe that you can be successful without collage but they make it seem like my grades are everything


How did that happen


I almost wish that I could go back in time and fail all of my classes bc my family and I have set all of these high standards for myself


Yea same


My grades declined along with my mental health tbh


So now im barely passing and lowkey everyones so dissapointed


kinda of funny because my grades increased when my metal health plunged


y'all going through that too?


expomarker


Im not d i s s a p o i n t e d in you


same


thanks friendly strangers


y u p


except murder


nah I was thinking about what to type xD


and a couple of other things


Im mean you still technically can


Just not legal


i suppose


I dont wanna make a fool of myself as I do a l o t


PODDLE you probably wouldnt have


Maybe not in your eyes, but if I typed something I thought was off colored Id have freaked out


Thats why Im constantly editing typos and deleting my messages because I think they sound weird..


hmm


That kind of stuff just eats away at me


maybe dont do that


just go withe floww


withe


yes


i know, its m e g a s u s


But I mean, it be what it be


Its nice to not second guess urself sometimes though


eh I just think I can come off as blunt and annoying sometimes


honestly, mistakes shouldnt define who you are


it might be a part of you, but it isnt you


Yea true


but i have yet to accept that


coolio


w h o o p s i e


Back


Yea some people arent the b e s t


Cant spell my minds faster than my fingers sometimes smfh


ikr


my fingers just


wobble


Hahahhavevebrht


It be like that


it doo


nice


Wow


OwO


11 gang


gnag 11


gnag


ye


Gag


Gnag


Huhuhu


gnagg


Welcome to the gnag


bruhh


gnag dyslexic gang


oop


oh no


very bigg


Im 23 big bran


5 brain


!r


Damn


i have like


7 cells in my body


At l e a s t


You have one 5 brain and one 7 brain and you get 12 brain teamwork


But add me to the team and you get negative


90 brain yay


unfortunately, yes


it really do be like that


Bruh


Damn i didnt realize we were friends i was finna send a request


Welp sounds like all of the depressing thoughts are out of our systems


That good


epicc


Thats Depressing


Gang


gnag


Wait...


ye?


If more people are depressed, then depression would be happy, right?


huh


If we solve depression, then depression would be depressed


Pretty sure more people would be depressed


what


Cause nobody would be depressed


Yes


Oh wait


Thats true


i think im havinf stroek


fuck


Stroek


ye


H ahsmksidiejen stroke funny


I stroke strokes with a stroke of strokes


Face do saggy


Brains are tasty


No.


Perhaps


technically, we all havent tasted human brains


Wait wha


so we dont know what it be like


guess I gotta go back to the funeral home


Waa


Hmmm


oh dear


omg


Technically when you starve, you engage in cannibalism


hmm


huh


thats one way to put it


How so?


your body's acid starts burning your stomach lining


technically, consuming flesh


Cause when you starve, your body needs nutrients so it starts digesting itself which is why starving yourself is considered a way to lose weight, but digesting yourself means digesting a human, because youre human


yes


Ohhh guess its bc the bacteria that keep it from burning the stomach would die bc if the lack of food


So people who criticize cannibals are hypocritical


PODDLE yeah


My mental stability,


My relationship with my parents,


My physical health,


A lot


No


I dont do either


Mhm


Rarely


Lmao


I dont feel like doing either


Im never hungry anymore


Or tired


Just kinda here


Ik the thing with not eating Ive been on the edge of a eating disorder for over a year now


Not really


I play volleyball


But thats all I go out for


Its on Saturdays and Wednesdays


Jojo1217 aw Im so sorry


Idk it havent gotten that far just me having anixety over eating


Well one time I didnt eat for 3 days


But its not about me now


So bubbles why r u not eating?


Ok Ill try


Jojo1217 idk just not hungry


Been like that for a while now


But then I dont feel good


And it hurts


Even when Ik I am hungry...


Idk


Im tiny so maybe


Smoll


Do you think you might be bi?


There are many sexualitys like that


Yeah. Possibly


im thinking u might be bi but doing further research will help


also dont let anyones opinions deter u from who u are!


And you dont have to pressure yourself into labels!


Its fine if all you know is that you like someone


idk if im bi or not


so im just saying im curious and rather wait for that special person


Ill leave it at that


Iykyk


wait what


Figure it out hun


i can't


im slow


NoPoint ill be your special person


not hector u would be but ur too young for me


NoPoint tuff, rose would know


gonna age real quick brb


Damn


oki


Okay. That took effort and courage to let that out. Its kinda good to get something off your chest.


Yeah. Thanks


lily are u thinking ur pan


Even if I were, Id never come out. At least not to anyone besides the server and maybe a few friends


i still don't know what a pan is


Ive never really seen people for their sex/gender


ooo


Im more about personality


OMG LOVE IT LOVE THAT FOR YOU LILY


My hearts beating so fast rn


Omg


Ty


im sorry


Sorry Im just scared


its alright to be scared


thats good that u opened up


and thats amazing you found about what your into and thats awesome


I think I told my best friend in like 7th grade


Ive thought about for a really long time


I still dont know


NoPoint


its alright not to fully know


just take ur time


u be u


be proud of urself


Omg I cant rn tysm


JKJKJK


Ily


Sowwy


icky


Im so sorry


no its fine i just feel bad for people


Nah its good, I was bullied by a closeted friend group, Im still last to come out


im sorry


omg im sorry


All good


Omg what is wrong with me someone pls explain


Nothin


Literally one of the boys in my class WHO I SIT NEXT TO EVERY LESSON had a birthday party and I wasnt invited


Thats tough


Damn


Sorry my guy


And I bet you if I dont invite him to mine he will say why wasnt he invited


Though if I were invited, I probably wouldnt have gone, cause covid and stuff, but I understand the disappointment when you dont get to go to a party, let alone not even invited


We dont have any cases here tho


So


But like he invited people from other classes


Well tomorrow I guess I will be sitting somewhere else


At


School


It mightve been his friends, and mightve seen you as just a classmate


I know the feeling though


When you sit next to someone in a classroom for a long time, and that someone just flat out ignores you anywhere else


I had this talk literally the other night with simar saying I dont get invited to places


And now this happened


Damn, luck really did you wrong there


if ur special then have u listened to ocean man for 10 hours?


no didnt think so


Its on my bucket list


then do it


I have school


I dont want to go to school but at the same time I do


same


I'm not gonna be online for too much longer, my internet turns off in 4 mins:


Ok


And I hate how people can do that stuff just to protect their reputation” well isnt the school gonna have a worse reputation if they dont care about the problem at all


Well the main problem was, the school couldn't do much in the first place, I hate to be that guy, but I blame the government


Btw imma have a break from the internet so I wont be active for some days


Yeah I saw your notice dw... Going camping?


No


buttons ur not that guy in anyway its only the government and the schools wrong for not doing anything about it well and the bullies


I just feel like a break from everything would be nice


So I decided to have one while Im here at my grandparents


House


Finally got my backup internet sorted


Damn


soz for disappearing like that


All good


Ah she musta gone offline... ah well


Jojo?


Yeah


I seee


I was trying to sleep but its to warm here lel so if u wanna continue talking im here until I fall asleep and then Im gone for some days buttons


Nahhh come on over to chat I can't really delve into my past too much rn lmao


unless you wanna talk about somthing ofc:


Can you just turn off all emotions so it won't hurt anymore


Pleeease


its alright


I'm sorry you had to deal with that


its fine, i have gone through worst


jay1258 but then we wouldnt be humans


But then you would just be able to walk right past someone making fun of you or hurting you


Emotions is what makes us us


without emotions we would just be empty beings


even tho yes some emotions are annoying


and it huts


hurts


but its just something everyone goes through


people who make fun of you either are very rude and mean people or they are just hurting themselves


there is always a butterfly affect and we never notice


if we didnt have emotions how do you know we would just be like bland like we wouldnt have emotions so we wouldnt feel any way at all we would probably be brain dead


exactlyyy


I mean


We live for god so


Gotta do whatcha gotta do


Thats just my religion dont @ me for that


Damn Im sorry


Lily


Wow.


like to say i felt this


idk if i feel it now but ik the feeling


Youre one of my first actually


Ik Im a lot of peoples last


Well most


Not true.


Damn


erth dsy


Oh shit


Ok so my parents really participate in urban dictionary dates, ok ok I see you


is that 9 months before ur bday


or ur bday


9 months before


mine is national hug day 9months before


9 months before my bday is national party day


9 months before mine is world coconut day


Why


Agh


I lied


Its American chess day B


Niceee


Exactly


And my mom actually has depression


She said Im too young”


My mom thinks Im a joke


And shes not wrong...


Youre not


God has his reasons


Youre worth everything and more


Not true


yes true


everyone has best friends and ppl that genuinely understand them and wanna be w them and everything and have friends and parents and family that care


i got none


Lily ur not a joke


like


Dont even


everyone says such negatives things when u all of such amazing traits about u


i do the same


Bc you have nothing to be sorry for, you do nothing wrong


i think ur amazing and u r amazing and wonderful and if u don't believe that, that just means u don't trust me


I do trust you


Im sorry ok


don't be sorry


try to be positive about urself


look at the amazing traits


not ur negatives


Bro


THERES NOTHING GOOD ABOUT ME


and don't u even say u have no amazing traits cause everyone does


Like what


Ur funny


ur awesome to talk to


ur sweet


ur kind


ur enjoyable to be around


I am not


ur gorgeous


if u don't believe me u don't trust me thats all im gonna say


ur not to me


so stop looking at the negatives


ur not uglyt


ur pretty


stop looking at the negatives


Thats all I see


then stop seeing that


you know when people say im cute i saw no its cause no one really says that to me but inside im so grateful and happy they said that


so stop looking at ur negatives


I really mean it when I say it too


you have awesome traits and look at those


and i mean it too


that ur gorgeous


Im sorry


my traits scare everyone away


im the loner


the one that cant even be a side character


She gets it


why be the side character


its ur life


ur the main character


Again, the kid in the back


u be u


its ur story


not anyone elses


Im gonna leave you alone


when i say that everyone disagrees but when everyone else says that its ok like


Night, and I love you


r u going to sleep?


Sure


lily


serious


Whaaat?!


r u going to sleep


No.


why


I told you


I cant


im not sleeping


You better


oh shot wrings chat


im having an explosion in my mind


so who cares what they say


i have been told to die by so many people


and


u know urself


better then anyone


NoPoint easy for you to say you know its not worth it and that you people that live you


so why listen to what people tell u what u are when u should decide what you are urself


Love


Fuck this


omg


im sorry


What?


idk


Dont be sorry


I feel like I made you cry


Im gonna go


why


Im bothering you


I can tell


ur not bothering me


i came here to help on my own


no one asked me


no one told me


i came here cause i wanted to


u came here to get help


I didnt


am i wrong?


then


who needs a meaning


I just wanted to get something off my chest


im sorry


im the one who should be going


i


idk


bye


NO U DIDN'T


Lily


u did nothing wrong


so don't say u fucked up


u literally did nothing wrong


I always do this


no u didn't


And I end up hurting people


AM I HURT?


no


exactly


Im sorry


so stop saying i am hurt


focus on urself


before others


OMG


i feel like that bad person


fuck


What?!


lily im sorry


nothing is ur fault


ur an amazing person


It is


im saying


that u did nothing wrong with me


I feel like I did


u have done nothing bad or anything that will hurt me


well u didn't


and im telling u that


Why do you feel like you hurt me?


cause like rn


u think im mad


Kinda


exactly


But its my fault


its not ur fault


and if u have doubts that just means u don't trust me


cause im saying that u did nothing wrong to me


Im sorry


u shouldn't be sorry


ur fine


im just saying u will never hurt me


ever


ok


so


Ik youd never hurt me


im just having a really bad day and thought helping someone would help me


but i think i made things worse


and im sorry


u did nothing wrong


im just gonna go cause im not feeling myself


I hope you feel better


u don't need to be sorry


its all on me, if im sad or upset its cause of me no one else


this is why i don't like telling people how i feel cause i don't want them to worry


Something had to happen


Tell me


nothing happen


no


im fine on my own


Youre always helping people


ya cause it something i want to do


But never let anyone help you


ya


cause i can help myself


Why wont you let me help


i don't need help


if i do i will ask but i don;t


so


Im gonna do something else


what


Ima leave you alone


r u feeling ok?


Ya


Im fine


u sure?


Ofc


u better not be telling me what i want to hear


Hm?


r u telling me ur fine cause u think i want to hear that?


No


Really


I dont want you to worry about me


Worry about yourself


i will always worry about u


its something i want to do


Dont!


its something i need to do


if i can't worry about people then i feel like i have no right of living


You should have so much more on your mind than other people


well


i rather worry and help other people


if i can't do that


then


literally


nothing for me


so im gonna go off, it is not ur fault ok so don't even think about it, i just need to do things on my own ok i love you and please sleep soon


You have to worry and care for yourself before other people


i care for myself too but i need to help others


but ya im gonna go bye love you sleep soon


Love you


And please sleep tonight


My dad has 2 feet


That kind of funny


Because my dad has 2 feet


Same?


Thats weird...


U know what


Ive come to realise Im happy that Im not smart, or good socially


Because someone else


me if I was born with different genes


Doesnt have to live like this


I know that doesnt make a lot of sense but Im happy to be this way


Something just clicked and I realised


I am like this so I can improve


My school was different


I had 23 people


Now at new school 23 people is one class


Doesnt matter what schooling I had


Im still me


And I will always be me


I will never be compared because I am the only version of me


Test


But there will always be a part of me sad because I have bad general intelligence


I emailed cps the other day bc of my family and they emailed me back today asking if there was someplace we could meet or chat. I've never been so happy in my entire life


I can try but Im going through them myself so idk how much help Ill be


What happened?


Sorry I took so long


MY DOG IS GONE HE IS GONE I DINT GET TO KNOW UNTILL YESTERDAY 4 DAYS AFTER HE WAS PUT DOWN THEY DINT INVITE ME TO SAY GOODBYE THEY DINT ASK IF I WANTED TO SEE HIM THEY JUST PUT HIM DOWN HE WAS SICK I GET IT BUT THEY DINT BOTHER TO ASK IF I WANTED TO SEE HIM BEFORE HE DIED AND NOW HE IS GONE AND I WONT SEE HIK AGAIN SO WHAT IS IT NOW ARE THEY JUST GONNA IGNORE HOW I FEEL AND ACT LIKE THEY DID NOTHING WRONG


im so sorry that u weren't able to say ur goodbyes and im so sorry for ur loss


Ill be fine I just miss him a lot he was my family..it Ill just as hard when any of my animals pass...


i understand that you had a connection and wasnt able to say ur goodbyes so why wont maybe something for him, ik its gonna hurt making it since it will remind you that hes gone but helps getting everything on me and reminding urself of how much of a great dog he is


So carsen a twelve year old kid has been my best friend for three years yes I have a twelve year old best friend fight me and my parents drink now his mom didn't know that and we ran off they were too drunk to remember we asked and now he can't come over anymore so I have basically no friends


im sorry to hear that jay


so i need a procedure on my toe done and were gonna lose our health benefits soon


So


I uhhh


kinda talked back to my mom


And now Im preparing for death


Ive never done it before and it felt good


Oh god


So I need help preparing my grave


What did you say?


I told her I didnt like books and she said so theyre a punishment for you?”


So I said


Ehm


If books are a punishment this household is hell


Now I need help


Oh god no


Indeed


And it hurts when she smacks me


Sooo


Has she said something?


Where are you rn?


Shes screaming at me for licking the door


LMAO


JHshdhhsehd


LOCKING


licking


Omfg


Uhh


We cant do much to help bro


Ya but like


What color flowers for my grave?


Oh god


Whats ur fav flower


Dont have one


Well color?


Probably magenta yellow and cyan


Ight


What words you want on ur tombstone lmao


Ight ight


I uhh


I wish you luck


Can she unlock ur door


Nope


Well


Kinda


Uhhh


She might break it like the one on my bedroom door


Yuh


If she has to do that dont you think shes gonna be even more mad?


Probably


She might pass out


Shes screaming so loud


Mhm


Are you responding?


Hell no


Damn


Oh god


Is this a norm


Indeed


I meeean


Does any of your other family members know about how she acts?


Nope.


They just hear her scream


Then she makes some random bs excuse


Are you comfortable telling one of them


No


Theyll never believe me


My mom literally told me that if I ever ruined her rep shed kill me


Shes known to be the best person” in Tampa


Do you have any siblings


Mhm


Ya I have siblings


So they know right?


Not really


Im the only one in the house thats not biological


Ohhh


And they pick on me for it


But cant they hear her tho


Oh im sorry about them


but are they older than you


If one of them live in their own house do you think you can stay with them


My mom wont let me


Id move in with my sister


I cant even sleep in without getting screamed and my sister has A CHILD


AT 16


Maybe try recording when your mom is mad and show it to your sister


Oh


Ive tried


But shes always snooping in my phone


Plus I always have to be in her sight at my sisters


Bc I threatened to tell her


Hm, have you tried recording a video and sending it to your sister directly after and then deleting any evidence


I could try that


She might confront me mom tho


And I dont want her knowing


Oh do you think she would even if you told her you didnt want her doing that


Sorry if that didnt make sense


Idk thats the problem


And idk if shed believe me either


Why wouldnt she believe you if you sent her a audio recording or video


My mom makes excuses


Im just gonna record it anyways


Alright


Brb


Stay safe


Oki Im back


Im not gonna send it


I just sent it to my friend that knows and deleted it off my phone


Why didnt you send it to your sister?


Idk if shell tell or not


How old is she?


Sometimes i just aint feeling it


Wanna talk about it?


I honestly dont know what to talk about


You ok?


I sometimes don't either. Can you describe the feeling? Is a combination of a bit of burning, emptiness and somehow still a fill of pressure?


is it a


Joshh JOSH


WHAT HAPPENED


Josh are you okay?


Lily Im sorry I cant really give much advice, but ill say tell your sibling


Dont be sorry


I might tell her later


Please do


What oh yes sorry i just dont feel so good lately thats all but dont worry I'll be fine


I often just want to be able to take the bad feelings of people away


If you ever want to talk about it im always here


Yeah thank u


Just broke up with my boyfriend


We had a argument of how I can't be sexually active


And how I pretended to be turned on when he tried to turn me on


Im sorry


I told him that He doesn't deserve me he said No one deserves you ig...


Its your choice not his


Yeah


He awlays horny


Ugh


That gets annoying


Im really sorry he did that tho


He was homophobic too


Wow


Ok


If he thinks sexual attraction is all a relationship is, he aint a good bf


And I was bisexual


The guy was toxic


Dont feel bad about it


Me to


It was good you broke up


I can't apologize for something I don't bad about


But I did feel guilty


But


I made a promise to come back


After I figure out my feelings


And that will make me not believe in love anymore


You should believe in love, just be careful who you trust


I learned that the hard way


Same


Pretty bad


So apparently shes gonna kick me out


How old are you?


Mhm


Damn she just tryna scare you


She used to threaten me to go back into foster care bc she said that was where the disappointments” go


Now Im like pleeease let me go


And shes trying to argue shes not a unfit mother


Yup


She walked through the door and said I was worthless


Then yelled at me for not wanted to eat dinner with her


And Im just over here like you really think I want to eat dinner with you?


All we do is fight


Wait


Shes always told me it was


Shes always talking about how people run their households differently


And that thats just how they roll”


Ive never seen her hit my siblings


Well her kids”


Well i mean screaming and yelling at ur kids and arguing all the time isnt that uncommon, its just something lots of people like to brush off


And act like it doesnt happen


Its just not the way most people want to live


No i mean insults


Just randomly


Like this


Hold up


Sorry I took so long


So ya


Love that about her


Yea most people dont verbally abuse their kids i dont think


Idrk tho im lowkey in the same situation as you


I would hope not


Idrk tho


She says its normal


And for some reason


I believe her


Just try not to take her words for truth bec she seems like internally hurt


I feel like something really traumatic happened between her and her parents when she was little tbh


Yea


Shes so close with my grandparents


Hmm


They didn't raise her right obviously


Yea she has no reason to blame it on him anymore


I mean do you think its possible to tell her politely


Wait nvm


Not a good idea


I get it


I wish one day she actually tries to act like an actual adult about it


Exactly


Instead of blaming everything on it


And when I tell her I wanna go back into foster care she uses the excuse that shes the adult


Bitch waa


Shes insane


She is tho


Frfr


So whats going on with you?


Hmm?


Yea, did you send the video thing to your sister?


Wdym bruh


You said you had a similar situation