Impulse Control Techniques That Work for Children

A lack of impulse control is at the root of many behavior problems. Without appropriate intervention, impulsive behaviors can worsen over time. For example, impulsive 6-year-olds may hit when they don't get their way, while impulsive 16-year-olds may share inappropriate content on social media without thinking about the potential ramifications.

But the good news is, you can help your child learn new skills to improve their impulse control as they grow. And the more impulse control your child gains, the less likely they'll be to do or say something that can harm others and themselves.


Teach Your Child to Label Feelings

Teach your child impulse control skills.
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Kids who don't understand their emotions are more likely to be impulsive. A child who can't say, "I'm angry" may hit to show they're upset. Or a child who can't verbalize, "I feel sad," may throw themselves to floor and scream.

Teach your child to recognize their feelings so they can tell you—rather than show you—how they feel. Start by teaching your child how to label their emotions, like angry, sad, or scared.﻿﻿ Then, talk about the difference between feelings and behavior.

Make sure they know it's OK to feel angry, but it's not OK to hit or kick someone when they're angry. When they're able to talk about their emotions in a meaningful way, they'll be less likely to act them out.


Ask Your Child to Repeat the Directions

Sometimes, kids behave impulsively because they don’t listen to directions. Before you’ve finished your instructions, they're sprinting into action without any idea what you said.

Teach your child to listen to directions by asking him to repeat your instructions before taking action. Before you start your instructions, say, " "Before you move, I want you to explain the directions back to me." And once, you've finished, you can ask, "OK, what did I just tell you to do?"

Only after they're able to repeat back what you said—whether it's to clean their room or to put away their homework—should they be able to take action.


Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Although brainstorming solutions sounds simple, problem-solving can be one of the most effective impulse control techniques.﻿﻿

Teach your child there is more than one way to solve a problem and how important it is to evaluate several potential solutions before springing into action.

So whether your child is trying to fix the chain on their bicycle or trying to figure out a math problem, encourage them to brainstorm at least five possible ways to solve a problem before taking action.

After identifying possible solutions, help them evaluate which solution is most likely to be effective. With practice, they can get used to thinking before they act.


Teach Anger Management Skills

Low frustration tolerance may cause impulsive outbursts. Teaching your child anger management skills can help them deal with their emotions in a healthy way.﻿﻿

Show them specific strategies, like taking a few deep breaths or walking around the house to burn off some energy. You can even create a calm-down kit filled with tools that will help them relax. 

Send them to time-out when necessary, but also teach them how to place themselves in time-out before they get into trouble.


Establish Household Rules

Use an authoritative approach to parenting. Create clear rules and explain the reasons behind your rules. 

Make your expectations known before your child enters new situations. When they understand the need to use an indoor voice in the library or walking in the grocery store, they'll be less likely to misbehave. 

Explain the negative consequences of breaking the rules ahead of time as well. Then, they'll be able to make better-informed decisions about their behavior.


Provide Structure and Be Consistent

Keep your discipline consistent and your child's routine the same.﻿﻿ Less chaos reduces impulsive behavior.

Offer reminders like, “You need to hold my hand in the parking lot when we get out of the car,” every time you go to the store.

With enough practice, your child will grow accustomed to your rules and the consequences for breaking them. 


Create a Reward System

Kids need opportunities to practice delayed gratification. Make delayed gratification fun by creating a reward system. 

A token economy system can be a fun way to do this. Reward your child's good behavior with tokens. Then, allow him to exchange tokens for bigger rewards, like a trip to the park.﻿﻿

Create small incentives that only require one or two tokens as well as big rewards, that require 20 tokens. Then, encourage your child to save up their tokens for bigger ticket items, like going to the movies.

Saving up for bigger rewards will teach them how to delay gratification, an essential skill that will help them resist temptations that may lead to impulsive choices.


Be a Good Role Model

Your child will learn a lot about impulse control by watching you. Model appropriate ways to wait patiently and tolerate delayed gratification.

Point out impulse control techniques that you're using by saying things like, "I'd really like to buy that new laptop but I'm going to save my money for our vacation next summer."

Talking to yourself out loud will teach your child how to develop an internal dialogue that will help him manage his impulses. Researchers at the University of Toronto found that self-talk plays a major role in helping kids manage their impulsive behavior.﻿﻿

Role model healthy self-talk by saying things like, "This is a long line but we have to wait patiently for our turn."


Encourage Physical Activity

Encourage your child to play outside and ensure that she gets plenty of exercise. A child who has had an opportunity to run, jump, and climb will be better equipped to be more self-disciplined.﻿﻿ 

Limit your child's screen time and encourage them to play outside whenever possible. Look for opportunities to play outdoor games together as well. Tossing a ball, playing hopscotch, or playing tag will get some energy out. 


Play Impulse Control Games

Games such as Simon Says, Red Light Green Light, and Follow the Leader will give your child opportunities to practice impulse control. And your child will enjoy playing them. 

With practice, your child can train their brain to have better self-control. But make sure you make practice fun. If you force them to sit still or pay attention to boring tasks too long, your efforts may backfire. 

A Word From Verywell

It's normal for young children to be physically impulsive. Hitting, jumping off furniture, or running in the grocery store are common impulse control problems.

By the tween and teen years, most kids have gained control over their physical impulses but they may still be verbally impulsive. Your child may blurt things out without thinking about how her words may be perceived or she may say unkind things when she's angry.

With practice and consistent discipline, impulse control should improve over time. If, however, you have concerns about your child's ability to make healthy decisions, or your child seems to be struggling more than other children his age, talk to your child's pediatrician

Underlying conditions, like ADHD, may interfere with your child's ability to manage impulsive behavior. So it's important to get your child assessed if she's struggling to develop self-control.

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Article Sources
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Additional Reading
  • Neuenschwander R, Blair C. Zooming in on children’s behavior during delay of gratification: Disentangling impulsigenic and volitional processes underlying self-regulation. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. 2017;154:46-63.
  • Poushaneh K, Bonab BG, Namin FH. Effect of training impulse control on increase attention of children with attention – deficit/ hyperactivity disorderProcedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences. 2010;5:983-987.
  • Romer, Daniel, Duckworth, Angela L., Sznitman, Sharon, and Park, Sunhee. "Can Adolescents Learn Self-Control? Delay of Gratification in the Development of Control Over Risk-Taking."Prevention Science. 2010: 11, 319-330.
  • Tarullo A, Obradovic J, Gunnar M. Self-Control and the Developing Brain.
  • Tullett AM, Inzlicht M. The voice of self-control: Blocking the inner voice increases impulsive responding. Acta Psychologica. 2010;135(2):252-256.
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