First thing first, see, hear, and know yourself.


Please listen to me. I want them to listen to me.

Please hear me out.

“I am speaking.”


The list goes on and on.

Do you have experience with someone who constantly interrupts you? Or, at work, do you feel unwanted or unseen?

Saint Mother Teresa explains that the worst disease in the world is feeling unwanted and alone.

Sometimes, we feel unheard, dismissed, or abandoned one way or the other. You may never feel this way, and it is okay.

Unconsciously, we discard others too. Furthermore, studies show that people with less power because of gender, age, class, education, and race are less likely to be seen, heard, or understood.

But people with power are more likely to be seen, heard, and understood. For example, a powerful politician writes an OP in NY Times, or a celebrity promotes a product on Instagram.

The truth is, all humans thrive when we see, hear, and understand one another.


  1. See her.

Know your name. Recognize them.

Everyone in our office building loves one security person, James. Why? James treats everyone like a king or queen. Why is James more popular than people with earned titles and noble professions in the building? He sees himself and knows everyone’s names.

James sees other people in the elevator and hallway. My interaction with him tells me one important thing — he sees himself and uses his good spirit to connect with anyone who crosses his path.

See her.

Practice seeing yourself and others:

Privileged or not, sometimes, people see us the way we see ourselves.

Know thyself and question others who are different from you.

  • Be self-aware.
  • Notice their haircut or ugly tie.
  • Seek them out in a crowd or office meeting or ask about their family.

All humans need love and recognition from ourselves and others.


  1. Hear him.

We need to be heard and understood, not necessarily agree with one another, though. How do you hear, value, and understand yourself?

I think what we see in ourselves influences what we do and our emotional reactions to others around us.

My professional experience shows that many people want more attention from their loved ones than fancy gifts. However, you cannot control if others see or hear you. But you can control how you see yourself. I do not know what you see in the mirror. Work on those areas.

Practice hearing yourself and others:

We see ourselves sway in everything we do and react to everything around us.

  • Listen to yourself and others without interrupting.
  • Check to see if you have heard yourself and others.



  1. Understand them.

People need to be understood with their points of view.

A former client, Henry, claimed he voted for Trump because he listened and understood his point of view. He added, “I have nothing in common with Trump, but he understands me. I have more in common with Hillary…”

People crave recognition from friends, family members, and others. We do not need to agree with people to listen to their point of view.


Practice self-awareness and listening to understand others.

Why do people like talking to James?

  • Pay attention and show empathy.
  • Take the time if you can listen to someone in depth.
  • Listen and understand and be understood. Listen to their heart.

Help yourself grow.