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The Knowledge: how to feel good about your body

Don't allow your self-esteem to be governed by how you look, says the psychologist Cynthia Bulik.

BY Sonia Haria | 30 September 2012

How to feel good about your body

How to feel good about your body Photo: GETTI

Mind over matter
Body image is a cradle-to-grave problem with women. It doesn't seem to be something you grow out of, but there are ways you can feel better about your body. The first thing to do is separate your body esteem from your self-esteem, because they get so tangled. If you feel bad about your weight it is likely that you will feel bad about yourself as a person, but you need to see them as separate things.

Mirror, mirror
Women approach mirrors cautiously, using them as a flaw detector. They go from head to toe looking for what's wrong. If that persists throughout your life you will always have a negative view of your body. Re-establish your relationship with your reflection. The next time you look in the mirror, say something positive about yourself that has nothing to do with your physical appearance. We're so used to saying, 'Oh, God, I've got a spot,' or, 'My hips are too big.' Instead, start the day with a different internal dialogue.

Power in numbers
If you've got issues with your weight, take your focus off the number on the scale. Dieting does nothing except make you gain weight. Focus on other numbers: your blood pressure; your cholesterol; the number of minutes per week that you've been physically active. Start changing the numbers that you're looking at in order to define your health.

READ: Children 'should be given body image lessons'

Let it go
We talk so often about 'mean girls' in the playground and mean girls at work but often the meanest girl is in your own head. Go back and think about the insults that have stuck with you over time that other people have said about you or your body. Now think about them with an adult brain and put them into perspective. I always say it's like re-organising the library of insults that people have given to you. Don't give them any attention.

Be kind to others
'Fat talk' or 'body-bashing' is when you hear people saying horrible things about other people's bodies. In your own head establish a 'fat talk'-free zone. Every time something goes through your mind like, 'She shouldn't be eating that,' if you see a large person eating ice cream, pair it with a more gracious comment. Focus on all those other remarkable characteristics someone has, which will endure long after their looks fade.

Living with your body image
Different rooms in your house make you feel differently about your body. A lot of women don't feel great in the bathroom because of all the mirrors, and then feel better in a cosy lounge where they can curl up with a book and wear sloppy sweatpants. Pinpoint where you need to intervene so that your whole house is good for your body esteem. You could play your favourite music in the bathroom to turn it into a more positive place.

The Woman in the Mirror: How to Stop Confusing What You Look Like with Who You Are, by Cynthia Bulik, is published by Bloomsbury at £12.99

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