How do you handle severe life trauma and adversity? What traumas, experiences or wounds have been major life lessons or wake-up calls for you? Which wounds have been the hardest to recover from?

Following are recommendations for overcoming major loss so that hurting people can regenerate themselves:

Focus on what's most important at this time. You must stay focused on what matters the most so you don't get too scattered by trying to do too many things at the same time.

Re-evaluate your life. Is there anything you've always wanted to do, but haven't gotten around to? Are there any dreams or life goals you have, but that you've not been doing anything about? What are you shooting for in life? This is a good time to make some changes and focus on what you wish to experience, accomplish or try before you die.

Tend to the health of your significant relationships. We all need other people, and you especially need the important people in your life to lend comfort, solace and support.

Tend to your intimate relationship. This is no time to take someone you love for granted or to be ill tempered with him/her. You need warmth and understanding, and you need someone to lean on. Ignore this recommendation at your own peril.

Write down a few sentences about how you experience each of the following emotions: fear; anxiety; fatigue; exhaustion; confusion; helplessness; guilt; shame; mistrust; sadness; cynicism; isolation; taking your blessings for granted and feeling no joy in them; revenge; unfairness; abandonment; impotence; denial; chaos; hopelessness and hurt. These emotions are windows into your deepest feelings. It will help you to explore them thoroughly.


Be in control of your anger, hostility, anxiety, helplessness, victimhood and any addictive or compulsive behaviors. Taking your negative emotions out on other people just means that you've decided to charge other people a price for what you're going through. But it will harm your relationships with other people, and it won't help you feel better.

Believe in your ability to ultimately prevail, and don't let obstacles or setbacks defeat you or diminish your inner spirit.

Make decisions that look out for your well-being, your happiness and your peace of mind. Your response to a crisis says a great deal about how much you believe in yourself and the value of your life. You must rise to the occasion so you don't let adversity defeat you.

Figure out how you can find value in what you are going through, and how you can grow from the experience.

Even if you don't feel very sexy, making love is regenerative... Need I say more?

Get some exercise. It's freeing.

Get out in nature. Nature is healing.

Give yourself permission to play every so often. Play knocks people out of despair.

Take time out to do nothing. Create some quiet time to just be alone with yourself.

If you look at what you've lost, you'll feel awful. If you look at what you have to build — or what you have to look forward to — you'll feel better. Both are important, but don't let yourself wallow in misery for too long. There's also an upside to what you are going through. Find that upside.

Plan a vacation for some time in the not too distant future. You want something interesting to look forward to.

If you pay attention to when a forest fire sweeps through a wooded area, you'll notice a moonscape of ash and death and complete devastation, followed by trees and plants reseeding and slowly poking their heads above the soil. Does this analogy fit you?

A couple of favorite quotes:

"We must live misfortune out." — Charles Dickens, "David Copperfield"

"One thing about pain: It proves you're alive." — Ashleigh Brilliant


Next Week: You must take action to begin the healing process