Hookers and Blow

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Much like pizza and beer, hookers and blow are two entirely separate items that are fundamentally inseparable.


The History of Hookers and Blow

Something like this
What hookers do when you're not looking: blow.

It is widely believed the first hooker ever was actually Eve of Eden. She'd blow anything for a little bump. It was also stated, in The Bible, that Adam is a furry. But that's neither here nor there.

Blow was invented by God to give Eve an excuse to prostitute herself to animals and Jews. It was also responsible for women's rights in a strange way.

Women began to gain much power when they realized that if they were to hook for the blow, but not snort the blow, they would have both money and blow, which they could then sell earning them more moneys. With this money they bought God, Dollfies and Your mom. They later gained the right to vote or whatever.

It was thusly realized that to prevent women from buying more shit that they would need to be controlled. Hookers and blow were battered with a mudslinging campaign that made them look bad and uncool. Now a secret elite watches over the world to prevent women from rising once more. Never forget that women are fucking devious.

Contemporary Hookers

ahh, blow...
...and a hooker!

In this modern age, hookers have adopted a slightly stigmatized reputation. They exchange simple services for a price. In other words, for example, hookers suck, usually for about twenty dollars. This is enough to buy crack for them, and crack for their customers too!

A strange species evolved at least 100 days after everyone was told Hookers + Blow = Bad. These creatures were mammals with tufts of hair on their heads and strange narrow patterns extending from their lower neck to their bellies. These are often made of silk and are made by like, Armani, or whatever. Pictured at right, these strange beasts were flush with disposable income, often were called charming, eloquent, and handsome, making them the perfect customers for hookers, while their cash usually ensured that they themselves had blow.
Porn star, not really a hooker.

Fun Facts About Hookers!

Eliot Spitzer, the former Governor of New York has spent more money on hookers than you will ever see in your entire basement dwelling lifetime. It is also believed that paying for sex is the only way Eliot will EVAR get laid again.

For about the same price you would expect to pay to take some girl out for dinner and a movie, or out to the opera or some other boring event, you could get yourself a pretty good looking hooker!

Blow Itself

Blow, coke, snow, white, Devil's Dandruff, Soft, white bitch, yeyo, Totally Awesome White Alabama Liquid Snake, Food of the Gods, toot are all sort of dumb names for cocaine. Found in the wild, cocaine is from like leaves and shit in South American jungles, maybe.

In fifth grade, my teacher told us the natives sucked on the leaves and just like passed out for days. They'd like... foam at the mouth. And just lie around for days and days. That, however was totally pointless because just laying around doesn't burn calories. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.

Fortunately, coke has been refined, redefined, and relined so it is suitable for our highest supermodels. Mostly, it is used by bored, rich businessmen to keep whores around.

The relationship of hookers and businessmen is one steeped in history. What better to spend some cash on than a drug that makes you feel unexceptionally awesome and a woman you don't have to be nice to?

The best example is the etymology of the word blowjob:

Blow: slang for the drug Cocaine.


Job: what you do to get paid.

Conclusion: a job done for blow.

Other Uses

Might I give you a blowjob?

Blow and Hookers or Hookers and Blow can be used for many multitudes of things.

For example, what says I Love You better than a big olde snow pile and a fourteen year old Cuban hooker? Wives: take notes! If you can't get Cuban, go for a Mexican. Never settle for a Guatemalan. Studies have shown a high percentile of trannies of this ethnicity.

Try out a little blow and a well-weathered old whore to tide over Little League winners! Wait until you see the happiness a woman with a Tinkerbell tattoo and a C-section scar and two rails can give your little slugger!

Has your little Jew become a man? Pick up a Kosher Israeli refugee. She'll be so grateful she's been fished from the middle of Fuck-You-I-Was-Here-First-Land and so numb and horny from the blow she'll make a man of the party guests, rabbi, and maybe some furniture.

See Also

Hookers and Blow is part of a series on Language & Communication
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