Erie families make time for downtime

Carley McMahon, 4, and her brother Colin, 6, of Summit Township, play in a tree in their backyard on Sept. 7. JACK HANRAHAN/ERIE TIMES-NEWS

Work til 5, get one kid to soccer by 6, another to dance by 6:30, eat dinner in the car, homework and bed. Repeat.

Clubs, music lessons, gymnastics, meets, games, matches, recitals, ceremonies.

Is anyone having fun here?

Well, maybe a little.

But wouldn't it be nice to get off the merry-go-round every so often? While away some time in the park, go for a walk, play in the leaves?


A better way

Many well-meaning families, schools and organizations have set aside the idea that "play is the business of childhood," as psychologist Jerome Bruner said in 1975, in defense of "unstructured play."

By that he meant time that children are left to their own devices to create, run around and experiment outside the confines of school and organized activities, such as sports and lessons.

Susan Sachs Lipman, author of "Fed Up with Frenzy: Slow Parenting in a Fast-Moving World," said she was barely keeping up with her busy kids, until one day, something dawned on her.

"I saw that in our culture and my own family's life and in school," said Lipman, a blogger for Slow Family Online and Christian Science Monitor. "I thought that there has to be a better way."

She said she wrote her book to explore the intangible benefits of slowing down, shedding a few organized activities and scheduling in some purposeful downtime.

"Society doesn't really honor free play and downtime with family," Lipman said. "We're all very anxious about getting ahead.

"There's so much to be gained by just stepping back," she said. "Kids learn by doing, not being told what to do all the time."

What Lipman calls "slow parenting" is meant to connect her ideas to a larger cultural phenomenon often called the "slow movement."

Author Carl Honore combined the threads of movements toward environmental conservation, enjoyment of the outdoors, plus a newfound focus on local and artisan food and wares into his 2005 book, "In Praise of Slowness: How a Worldwide Movement is Challenging the Cult of Speed."

Lipman was reading about the "slow life" when she came up with the concept of "slow parenting."

"By making choices to eliminate a couple of organized activities and commitments, we made time to take long family hikes, make televisions out of shoe boxes and float origami boats down a local creek after spring rains," she wrote in her introduction.

"By shifting away from the culture of hurriedness, we made time to open our lives to enhanced wonder, connection and joy."


Not a waste of time

"Play is essential," said Ron Craig, professor in the Department of Psychology at Edinboro University of Pennsylvania. "It's a source of social development, cognitive, problem- and conflict-solving.

"Children are not just miniature adults," he said. "They need an opportunity to explore their world."

Arlene McMahon, director of Saint Vincent Child Care Center, has led the center to the highest state ranking for day care centers. The ranking guidelines place heavy emphasis on free and guided play for young children.

"The majority of the day is designed to give them opportunity to explore and learn about their environment," McMahon said. "It's so much more meaningful to them if it's something they come up with, rather than if it's just us standing up and saying, 'Do this.'"

She said young children actually do a better job of figuring out what they can do than teachers do.

"They find activities that are more on their level," McMahon said.

"It feels safe for them to do it their own way, and that there's no right or wrong answer."

She said she also makes it a point to let her own children play on their own.

"I like to just sit back and watch," she said. "It's so interesting to see where their play will lead."

Seeking balance

This is not to say that structured activities are bad for kids, said Lisa Celeski, health and physical education teacher at McKean Elementary School.

"They teach discipline, responsibility," she said. "Kids learn that people are counting on you. Your team is counting on you."

She also said most kids welcome some structure.

"Kids like schedules and knowing what's happening next," Celeski said.

Jean Langer, mother of two boys, said she actually wishes her youngest son would participate in more organized activity.

"I think kids need structure," she said. "Even with chores at home. If they don't have it, they run amok, they're a little more wild."

She said her son, Jared, 8, is involved with Cub Scouts, and gets plenty of free time riding his bike and playing with action figures in the back yard, taking walks with the family and playing cops with his friends.

"I can't complain too much," she said.

But she said the more time he has, the more time he'd spend watching TV and playing video games.

Seductive screens

Ahh, yes. Electronics.

"(Technology) presents us a whole other set of issues," Craig said.

To many experts, screen time -- time spent playing with video games, computers and mobile phones -- doesn't count as beneficial free play.

"Video games don't really allow for a great amount of creativity," Lipman said. "They're not all bad, but there are just so many more benefits to other play."

Some parents say at least at soccer, whether it's practice or a game, their children aren't sitting in front of a screen.

But soccer isn't always better than, say, a game of hide-and-seek.

"(Children) need to use their bodies and run around and experiment with risk taking," Lipman said. "To learn 'I can only go this far in the tree.' They learn more about themselves, flexibility with others."

Craig said free play gives kids a chance to learn for themselves.

"In a structured activity, the solution is already done," he said. "They aren't working through the process.

"An infant learns that when they drop something, it falls," Craig said. "They'll start dropping it 30 different ways, this way and that way to see what will happen.

"The same thing happens in early and middle childhood. They're examining the world."


Why so much structure?

The road to overscheduling is paved with good intentions.

"Parents want to provide opportunities for children to succeed," Craig said. He said some schools are cutting recess time and replacing it with more academic instruction, in an attempt to get kids ready for standardized tests.

"These tests are based on knowledge and material through memorization," he said. "Educators are having to keep their scores up and put a great deal of focus on them."

But he thinks sometimes this backfires.

"Things are so structured in younger children's lives, they're losing a sense of how to control their environment. It's contributing to their anxiety."

Celeski said many families focus on athletics as a way to encourage physical activity.

"We want the best for our kids. We want them to be healthy," she said. "And athletics can be a positive thing, but it's not for everybody."

She said parents have to pay attention to the cues children are sending. "If they're not excited about it (a particular scheduled activity), always not wanting to go, then think about that."

This is not to say kids should learn to quit.

"Tell them to give it a chance, play out the season, give it a while, but then let it go, let them try something else," Celeski said. "They might come back to it."

She said some kids thrive on a fast-paced schedule.

One way to find out if that's the case for your child is to consider: "How are they doing at school?" Celeski said. "How is their mood? Are they full of energy, happy most of the time and nice to people most of the time? If they are, then it's working for them."

Even so, she said, kids also need to know when they can expect to have some unstructured play time. How much, how often and when?

"I would say at least an hour on school days," Celeski said.

"They need time to decompress and not have to worry about rushing somewhere or making someone else happy."

