Enter your Everyday Health log-in here:

E-Mail Address:
Forgot Your Password?

5 Ways to Help Siblings Get Along

Young siblings have a tough time getting along as it is. However, when one of those siblings has ADD/ADHD, it may seem impossible. Read on for things you, as a parent, can do to help your kids get along.

Sibling rivalry can take on a new meaning when attention deficit disorder (ADD)/attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is added to the mix. Children with ADHD often receive more of their parents' attention, causing resentment in brothers and sisters without the disorder. Outbursts and misbehavior common with ADHD sometimes make a household quite chaotic, which can also wear on other children in the family.

Certain coping techniques can help you parent successfully when you have children both with and without ADHD. Follow these tips to help improve relationships between siblings in your house:

Explain ADD/ADHD

Kids without ADD/ADHD need to understand that there's a reason — not an excuse — for their sibling's behavior. "Explain to them that everyone has things they're good at and things they struggle with," says Adam Winsler, Ph.D., professor of developmental psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. A child with ADHD might struggle in school, for example. "Explain it to siblings this way: 'That's why I spend more time with your brother on his homework,'" Dr. Winsler says. Don't label or single out a child with ADD/ADHD, and don't let anyone use it as an excuse for acting badly towards others.

Establish House Rules

If a child with ADD/ADHD pulls a toy out of a sibling's hands, for example, don't make excuses for him or her by saying, "It's because of the disorder." Administer the same discipline you would for any child in your house. This way, all your children are aware that there are no special rules or treatment for those with ADD/ADHD.

Spend One-on-One Time

A child without ADD/ADHD often receives less attention than a sibling with the disorder, who may require more regular discipline and assistance with daily tasks. This can breed resentment and cause other children to misbehave to get attention. Spending regular one-on-one time with each child can prevent the feeling that any one child is receiving special treatment.

Praise Them All Equally

Don't get so wrapped up in trying to modify the behavior of a child with ADHD that you forget to notice the achievements of others. "Make sure you also praise and reward kids without ADHD for their successes, abilities and achievements, even though you expect more from them," says Sandra Sexson, MD, child analysis psychiatrist at MCG Health System in Augusta, Ga. For example, if you have the urge to buy ice cream because you're so happy that a child with ADHD actually cleaned his or her room the first time you asked, do the same when other children complete similar tasks, too.

Consider Individual Abilities

"Instead of telling a child who doesn't have ADHD, 'You're such a good helper. I wish your brother acted the same way,' or telling a child with ADHD, 'Why can't you sit still like your sister?,' try to critique each child's abilities separately," Sexson says. Work on building self-confidence in a child with ADD/ADHD whenever possible. For example, say, "You sat still until dinner was done! Next time, how about trying to make it through dessert, too?" In doing so, you point out the positive and prevent damaging the often fragile self-esteem of a child with ADHD.

Last Updated: 08/26/2008

Leave a comment


Back to Top