5 Myths About Working Women People Have to Stop Believing

Learn why anyone who's convinced of the following is mistaken

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The authors of The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match: How Today's Strong Women Can Find Love and Happiness Without Settling, (WilliamMorrow, April 2014) share why the following is so off-base.

Even today, with so many married women in the workforce, myths about working women abound, and the so-called mommy wars, pitting career-oriented women against stay-at-home moms, continue. Here, we debunk five of the most common misstatements about working women.

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1. The so-called career woman chooses work over love. "She's cold-hearted." "She cares more about her work than about her husband (or children.)" "She's not a very maternal person." Women work for lots of reasons, but none of them has to do with a preference for work over love. This myth underscores some of the gender-role bias against women with careers. At one time, social norms restricted women to narrow definitions of acceptable roles. We are way beyond that now (thank goodness!) and women have many choices, all based on their needs and interests.Let's forget about a "right" way and a "wrong" way to be a wife and a mom.

2. You shouldn't marry someone who makes less money than you do. Since increasing numbers of women are graduating from college and graduate school every year, the gender wage gap is closing for college-educated women. In 97% of U.S. cities, single college-educated women under age 30 are making more money than their male peers. In 25% of marriages women are the breadwinners, and that number is rising annually.Up until fairly recently, high-earning aggressive males were considered the most desirable partners. But this was before women began to catch up in education and professional success. For these women, alpha males may not be the best choice. More than she needs a breadwinner, a professional woman needs a partner who will support her goals and take pride in her accomplishments. This male, whom we call the new Beta, is primed for partnership, parenting and pulling his own load. He may not make as much money as she does, but he isn't threatened by her earning power. This kind of man is flexible and doesn't feel diminished by a wife who earns more than he does. Marrying "down" has its up side!

3. You should make up for not being at home by doing more of the chores. The notion that women should compensate for their success by handling the lion's share of the housework is one of our biggest pet peeves. Traditional social roles (woman as homemaker) persist, even though they are antiquated. So why do women do this? Sometimes working women are conflicted about the new gender-role reality, and they feel more traditionally "feminine" if they do more household chores. But doing too much doesn't make you more feminine—it just makes you more tired. So let family members know you cannot and will not do it all!

4. Children of career women suffer. Study after study has shown that kids do not suffer detrimental effects if their mothers work outside the home. The myth plays on women's guilt and anxiety as they try to balance work and family. One of the hardest transitions for working women is when they head back to work after a child is born. They're torn between the baby and the job. Texting and photos can help a working mom stay in touch with what is going on (is she colicky? Did she poop today? Did she have a good play date?), but it's still a challenge. The lack of high-quality universal daycare doesn't help. But be reassured: Your child will thrive as long as she gets good care. Also, remember that kids in childcare learn to be independent and social—and that as a working mom you're providing them with an excellent role model.

5. Husbands of career women feel emasculated. By contributing 45% of household income, women are making a huge contribution to the financial well-being of their families. This is something to feel very good about. Do some men feel emasculated? Probably. But if a man feels this way, it's probably because he is experiencing work difficulties. If he's unemployed or underemployed, or disappointed after being passed over for a promotion, he may feel unhappy, underappreciated or diminished. This is quite understandable. But it is not—and we repeat, not—your fault! Be sympathetic, but don't put up with any scapegoating or bullying.

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